#this was meant to be a crack fic

[sulatni-flerida11]

thoughts and prayers, thoughts and prayers

takes place after session 3, inspired by jimmy's short of him praying to the watchers and this tumblr post

It starts with Jimmy coming back to a certain cherry woods on a mountain, eyes blinking slowly as the remains of red life bloodlust leave him. The session is over. The snails are gone. Scar’s on red. Skizz killed Lizzie.

He’s on yellow. He’s failed at killing Joel miserably. He’s still not first out.

Then again, nobody’s out of the series yet.

Maybe it was good that Tango burnt a bit of their base earlier; Jimmy gathers small scraps of wood and some honeycomb. Setting these on their team’s crafting bench, he manages to make three small candles with wooden wicks (as he sees string being used for other more important things, such as bows or fishing rods).

He lights these up with Scar’s flint and steel. Huffing at himself for resorting to what he’s about to do, he swallows down his pride and kneels.

Jimmy raises his hands, clasps them together, and brings them close to his chest.

I know you can see me right now.

The last time he ever tried praying to the Watchers was years ago, back on another server at a time where the only people left were one of his oldest confidants through the years and his friend now donning a navy hoodie slowly turning scarlet. It was the three of them left for some time, holding onto promises of their other servermates coming back, and yet…

And I know we struggle a lot with seeing eye to eye, especially with how you lot seem to curse me in these death games…

He sighs. He knows Grian is one of them, but he doesn’t know the full extent of Grian’s powers. They’re probably enough to kill him, send him to the grave with a snap.

But please, please, please…

Jimmy closes his eyes,

Let Mumbo be out first!?

He groans a bit, opening his eyes up to the sky, furiously muttering under his breath.

For void’s sake! People take a piss at me and Scar for being clueless, but- but have they seen Mumbo? And Skizz – oh, light bless him – but he’s kinda just as clueless as Mumbo. I know I failed a lot today, but please, I can pull a trap with my eyes closed while they’ll be fumbling around. Seriously, I may be the type to slip off the edge while pushing a TNT minecart, but Mumbo’s the type of person to… I don’t know, set himself on fire accidentally? Stand in a kill zone willingly? Point is, we’re both bad. Why can’t he be the one here? Why can’t I live longer?

He continues his quick rant-prayer to the watchers for a bit, shifting his gaze back to the melting candles in front of him as the sun starts to rise.

Also, it would absolutely ignore the HECK out of Grian. You guys don’t like him as much, right? Well this is your chance to make him suffer more. Please, please, please, it would be so funny to see his reaction.

He pauses for a bit.

By the way, this is not me saying I hate Mumbo, no, no! He’s an AHA-wesome dude -

He snorts, quickly slapping himself in the face to go back to the prayer.

- but it would be nice not to be out first.

Jimmy starts to stand, before remembering something else.

He gets back on his knees, Oh, also… please don’t let Scar die next session? I am well aware how capable that man is, but it still worries me a bit.

His mind goes silent, and Jimmy’s about to stand again before -

Last, last, I swear… please don’t let Tango be out first? It would suck to see him go.

Finally, Jimmy stands, and he does the same motions with his arms earlier. There’s still a bit before the sun fully rises, so he takes the moment to scheme.

So, how the heck could I get a kill on Grian or Joel next session?

[syoddeye]

For Isa @alwaysshallow, based on my reply to this post lmao

You wake to the sound of your husband hurriedly packing a suitcase.

“Jason? What are you doing?” You ask, voice thick with sleep.

He sighs, avoiding your gaze to cram another dozen pairs of underwear into the bag and simultaneously light a cigarette.

Gross. Wait. Where did that come from? When did Jason start smoking?

“They are here.” He says solemnly, promptly stubbing the cigarette out on the bedpost.

Okay, wasteful, much?

“Who?” You ask, sitting up to scratch your head.

“Your new owners,” He scrubs a hand over his face, his limpid blue orbs finally meeting yours. “I’m sorry, honey. I sold you to Task Force 141.”

[enchantedchocolatebars]

💙 Hot & Flirty 💙 (Beardo Philip x Lovestruck Witch! Reader)

Summary: You (the reader) are being hardcore flirted with by Beardo Philip. But... are you really?

Ao3 version

Gift art here.

Moodboard here.

@bilumi / @bilumiart

Enjoy!

"So, how often do you come here?" the bearded brunette with a bushy ponytail had inquired to you, his right hand pressed against the side as his feet were crossed.

The two of you were inside the Bonesborough Library, you standing in front of the entrance while he stood in front of you.

From where he sat, he saw your divine beauty, it rivaling that of an angel, and decided to send you a flirtatious wink, winking out a small star before he approached you.

Even though you weren't familiar with this human, you had already fallen deeply in love with him.

Was it the stache?

His blue coat?

The soft glow of his eyes when they gazed at you?

Maybe a combination of the three?

You weren't entirely sure, but before you could answer his question, the man took the initiative to take hold of your chin with careful fingers.

"You're so cute," he purred, his voice low and just flirty enough to bring color to your cheeks.

"Thank you," you giggled out.

His touch and tender voice made you melt right away.

"Kiss me?" the human asked.

His eyes were closed, and his voice was so soft and needy.

He needed you.

You were quick to respond to his request with a smile.

As the two of you kissed and soaked in each other's affection, you could already see how bright your future would be with this man.

Sadly, this wasn't reality.

...

"Move," Philip had ordered with a no-nonsense grumble.

His expression was visibly sour as his annoyed frown was hidden beneath his scruffy beard.

The two of you were inside the Bonesborough Library, you standing in front of the entrance while he stood in front of you.

He had noticed you staring at him for quite some time from where he was sitting, and just when he was about to leave, you decide to block his way.

Really?

"Of course," you giggle with a dopey smile as you take a small sidestep, still stuck in your lovey-dovey daydream.

The hearts that were floating in your eyes made Philip grimace.

"Allow me." You quickly pushed the door open for Philip before he could do it himself.

Your kind gesture, while surprising him, only caused him to huff as he walked past you.

"You're not getting a thank you, by the way, witch," he told you harshly before leaving.

You only sighed a love-struck sigh as you watched the man walk off.

[boundinparchment]

How To Care For Sunday the Charmony Dove

“Important to note: the author, publisher, distributor, and the company through which you read this document are not responsible for neglect, poor decisions, and the consequences that result if one should ever give this bird a conductor’s baton. Do not, under any circumstances, introduce this particular Charmony Dove to ravens or crows.”

(Written in the spirit of silliness and satire: not to be taken seriously.) Also on AO3 here.

So. You’ve been greeted at the door by a man with a haggard looking expression carrying a covered bird cage, have you? And he insisted that you, and only you, could care for the very special creature kept within, hmm?

That’s strange. Not usually how Charmony Doves come into ownership. In fact, it’s…enigmatic how such a situation came to be and why your doorstep of all places was the location of such a phenomenon. But no matter! This guide will give you everything you need to know about this particular Charmony Dove.

For you see, he’s very special.

No, literally, surely you can see that? Take a look. Do you see that halo? What bird has a halo? And his coloration! More blue and yellow than purples and pinks, and he has a slightly gray hue to him, does he not? Yes, he is pigeon-shaped but that’s beside the point. Doves and pigeons are…

Moving right along.

He already has a name, don’t get any ideas. Sunday. Yes, a day of the week. Considering how active he is, you’d never know he was named for the day of rest.

You must be wondering: what are you going to do with a dove? After all, you have obligations, a life, and now here you are, saddled with a bird by a stranger and you don’t know the first thing about caring for these fine feathered friends.

Well, that’s what I’m here for. These are your tips and tricks for managing this unexpected package.

Important to note: the author, publisher, distributor, and the company through which you read this document are not responsible for neglect, poor decisions, and the consequences that result if one should ever give this bird a conductor’s baton. Do not, under any circumstances, introduce this particular Charmony Dove to ravens or crows.

Upon receiving Sunday, find a spot in your abode that is quiet but not isolated. Preferably near some windows. He likes a high perch.

The stranger should have passed along a few packages of Penacony Popcorn, peanuts, seeds, and millet. When Sunday has been especially good, treat him to some popcorn; don’t overuse it, or you’ll find it goes to waste.

He is a bird of courteousy. When uncovering his cage every morning, greet him softly.

Sunday adores music of all kinds, especially classical compositions. Ease into introducing him to the source of the music and keep the volume reasonable. Not only to keep him comfortable; Sunday is a talented dove and you could find that out for yourself if you listen carefully.

If you must play something less traditional, we suggest the wide expansive catalog of the Penacony-based idol, Robin. He seems to have a particular knack for her music and no one has figured out why just yet.

He may try to take sticks and other objects and attempt to fashion a conductor’s baton. It is best to help him in this endeavor.

Keep in mind, Sunday is quite reserved and it will take consistency for him to warm up to you. He might try to fix your hair, bring you little tidbits for your “nest”, and even try to keep you on key when you sing. Occasional nipping may occur if he finds you are not as diligent as usual. He means well.

In time, you will have a very special bond with a unique Charmony Dove.

[camels-pen]

Usopp's in the middle of chatting about something when he suddenly gets lightheaded and wobbles. He assures his worried crewmates that he's probably just tired from night watch or something, so he's gonna go sleep-

except he doesn't have time to say much else because in the next moment, he passes out completely. The others are alarmed of course, and Sanji, who was closest, tries to catch Usopp, but he's caught by a mysterious figure instead.

The mysterious figure takes care to handle Usopp gently and the others are taking their stances and telling this unknown to let go of him, but the person ignores them and, eventually, kidnaps Usopp off the ship.

The mysterious figure is someone who sacrifices people with strong (or strong enough) connections to spirits (even one spirit is enough) for power or eternal life or something. They noticed Usopp on Sunny sailing close by their island and went "yoink, mine now". The crew learns this when they ask the island's villagers.

The person never says what fruit they use, but Robin assumed & shared that it was probably the 'mist mist fruit'.

Sanji gets it in his head somehow that Usopp can only be awakened by True Love's Kiss. Zoro thinks he's fucking stupid. They fight about it.

Luffy beats up the mist person, they grab Usopp and get back to the ship.

Usopp isn't in a magical sleep, the mist person just used their mist to make him breathe in some sleeping gas without knowing. He'll be up in a few hours and be just fine according to Chopper. Sanji still kisses Usopp lots while he's asleep, so that maybe Usopp would wake up at the same time as one of his kisses & Sanji could say the 186th kiss was the charm (also because he wanted to kiss Usopp).

[muninnhuginn]

Crack theory time: the seventh victim was Cheng Xiaoshi. The files vanished because he no longer died but the reset was imperfect and left traces

[hercarisntyours]

his ass is NOT turning!! (human! Oplita/Arion Hadestown au)

[voidbeau]

I require information on the Thorn-Run Job Agency

oooh

OH OH

You have no idea how excited i am that you asked about this one, friendo!!!

This idea started from a desire to play Outlast Trials but alas, that game requires money and i require friends to enhance the experience.

And none of my friends wanted to play with me. Too spooky and/or the money thing. ;C

So i settled for watching lets plays and the lets plays inspired what ifs.

"What if my favourite blorbos in my favourite stressful situations???"

And I started brainstorming and it went beyond a silly Outlast/Twomp crackfic- though that scenario is still in there + more like it from other fun horror games.

In any case, a small overarching plot came into play and it also bore a fun opportunity to play around with Thorn and what I feel his dynamic would be with the main twomp boys + Mr. Flower.

Which is super important for another fic I'm writing and also I just want to parade him around in public.

Behold, my horrible son!

But anyway, i'm not sure calling whatever Thorn is running a job agency? Maybe. Something of the like.

Anyway, the scene that started it all for me:

The air was cold and damp and carried with it the most putrid, heavy nauseating scent.

Musky with an underlying rotten sweetness to it. That mixed with the scent of mildew and god knows what else, it was hard not to find oneself gagging a little as they walked through the doors and into the dilapidated building.

The concrete floor of the hall was caked in blood, both fresh and old and in the centre were unusual tracks and wires spanning the length of the corridor as it appeared to follow it down a specific path.

The distant sounds of buzzing electricity and shrill screaming in the halls had added an extra layer of tension to the already wretched atmosphere.

As Argos took in his surroundings, he could clearly tell that Mr. Flower was not acclimating to the environment well at all.

To say he was tense was an understatement. His jaw and fists were tight while his limbs appeared to tremble. The little fan like petals that were his ears were pressed so tightly against his head that they may as well not have existed at all. Still, Mr. Flower's expression never shifted from stiff, pursed lips and a furrowed brow, but he kept in fairly close proximity with the gates that he, Argos and Mr. Plant had just come through.

Even though he had to know that they'd be locked the moment they entered this section of the building.

That was what they had just been told after all. Once the three were in, there was no way out until the job was done.

"Everyone past the gates and accounted for?" Came a voice from somewhere off to the side, grabbing the attention of the three disoriented Void-men.

It sounded staticy and like it was coming from above.

The lighting was unreliable at best, with many of the side rooms in the hall they stood in being engulfed in darkness or the hallway lights themselves on the low ceilings barely flickering with life.

Still, Argos was able to catch a glimpse of an intercom just above the metal, wired doors they had come through. Next to it, a tiny red flashing light on a mounted camera.

Argos smiled and nodded, flashing the camera a thumbs up. "Everything's good so far. So, you said this was nothing more than an escort job. Who exactly are we escorting?" Argos questioned while Mr. Plant sauntered to his side, hands wringing as even he felt on edge.

But that was always the case when it came to working under Thorn.

"Normally the debriefing happens before you send us out on a job." Mr. Flower muttered, one tense hand resting under his shoulder as he stayed in his little corner.

"Yeah- uh, sorry about that. We're on a bit of a time crunch today. But there should be a map and some supplies in that first aid cabinet next to the cutie in the corner." Thorn said through the intercom, and as he did, Mr. Plant moved to retrieve the aforementioned supplies.

All the while Mr. Flower tried to hide a red faced scowl at the comment that had just been made about him.

Mr. Plant pulled the cabinet doors open with a slight screech from the half rusted hinges, rewarded with the promised map, four flashlights, two small first aid kits and what appeared to be two tasers.

Argos quickly approached to get a good look at their inventory and to see how he could fit them into his backpack. Curiously, the eye-clad creature tilted his head at their choice of items. Simultaneously, the concern on Mr. Flower's face had deepened greatly as he too got a good look at everything.

Those were concerning and very telling items to be given on what was supposed to be a simple job.

"Oh, and another thing, this facility is mostly defunct. Whatever wacky research or experiments were happening here aren't anymore, but a lot of it's old security features are still in effect." Said Thorn casually. "What does that mean..?" Mr. Flower asked through gritted teeth.

"Means be careful out there, babe. Oh! And also if you check the map real quick..." Explained Thorn, who was likely watching as Mr. Plant unfurled the map they were given, revealing a small room to the East of their current location with four points nearby marked in red.

"Your assignment should be in that room to the East, but you're gonna need to unlock it by activating the switches marked on the map."

"Sounds easy enough!" Argos chimed in, chipper as usual.

"... At the same time." Thorn quickly added.

Mr. Plant tilted his head in question at that added fact and similarly Argos' expression fell to puzzlement and concern. Mr. Flower let out something of a frustrated hiss however. "There's only three of us." He stated matter of factly. "Why would we be sent out a member short if they knew this was part of the job?" He asked, frustrated and anxious.

Argos shrugged, "Clerical error I guess..." He said through a nervous smile, "I'm sure this comes with a backup plan!" Argos said, trying to maintain a more optimistic outlook.

"Oh don't worry about a thing, sweetheart. Of course we got you covered!" Thorn piped up through the intercom.

"This mission is particularly special, and so we made sure to match up my favourite crew with only the best fill-ins." The rose monster assured.

This information piqued the interest of the group of course, although Mr. Flower remained mostly incredulous. "Who?" Asked Argos.

"Me! Now why don't y'all head on down to the end of the corridor and we'll meet up on the other side. It's gettin' a little dicey over here."

[todayisafridaynight]

I’m fairly new to the fandom, but I do have a question if you can answer it! Why do people ship Daigo with Aoki / Masato? I tried looking to see if they’ve interacted before, but couldn’t find anything! Sorry for asking I’m just </3 dumb AND I LOVE YOUR ART OF THEM!!! Nerd looking ahhhhhh

hi ! welcome to the community i hope you're having a lovely time so far and ty for enjoyin my stuff :) no need for apologies it's a very fair question to have :]

i cant speak for everyone (all. ten people into masadai anyway) but Personally To Me i just think the idea of them together is very funny. thats quite literally it im afraid..

[taniushka12]

considering calling this fic "dark matter"..... months ago i went to a science talk abt dark matter and the one thing that stuck with me was that they described it as "it behaves like matter, it has gravity, and the objects around it act in the same way they would w/ an object, but we cant see it in any way because it just doesnt interact eith electromagnetic radiation" (ergo radio waves/microwaves/infrared/colors/uv/x/gamma, yknow the whole shtick) which 1. fucking fascinating if you ask me but also 2. a small part of me was like man....................... just like alanwake 😔

[atley01]

cw: needles, fear of needles.

Summary: Bakugo wants a piercing. Lucky for him, Izuku does piercings! (not professionaly, but hey.) One small problem. Bakugo has a crushing fear of needles.

Words: 1,993 Chapters: 1/1

It seems I’m on a roll with writing! I’m honestly enjoying it more than I thought I would, I have a lot of ideas already.

this fic was entirely self-indulgent, I get a kick out of writing Bakugo and Midoriya bickering, and I also love piercings just as much as I love my hero, so this was bound to happen lmao.

any support is greatly appreciated! I hope you enjoy reading it!

[nocentis]

x

[angst-is-love-angst-is-life]

If I were trying to summon you, I’d put Barry Allen, Eobard Thawne, Zoom, a selection of whumping tools, and a meta dampening collar in the summoning circle.

You summon me but the plot bunnies follow and immediately start buzzing around the room at mach 2 while multiplying like tribbles. Picture this but there’s thousands all of once

[fluffypotatey]

y’all help my brain wants to do a tgm x twisters x mission impossible crossover

yes this is because Tom cruise plays Mav & Ethan, and Glen Powel plays Jake & Tyler

I DO NOT HAVE THE TIME OR ROOM IN MY OWN BRAIN FOR THIS 🤧

[psychic-refugee]

Xavier, sometimes professionally known as X, is the hottest male model on the runway.

YSL literally shed blood and made a deal with the devil to gain sole rights for him to walk their shows.

Considered a model prodigy, he mentored under Derek Zoolander and mastered the looks Magnum and La Tigre before his 21st birthday.

In time, X perfected his own signature looks, The Void and Soul Stealer.

One reporter described his soul searing eyes as “One glimpse and I felt my sanity shake loose.”

World famous murder mystery novelist, Wednesday Addams thought the fashion industry as “Soul-sucking, meaningless vanity,” but was bullied into attending Men’s Fashion Week by her agent, especially since she had gotten a personal invitation from X himself.

When she saw X walk the runway and turn those eyes on her, she suddenly had several ideas for future novels, with Viper de la Muerte gaining a lover named Alexander du Sang.

[ollierachnid]

cannot believe i just got british-splained to, as a british cunt and they were literally Wrong