#this was a simple lipsync that got out of hand

[rainbow-wolf120]

Ik I'm late to the party (a day late boohoo /silly) but I got something for CLH's anniversary :]

Ft. Viveo! I can't do anything involving CLH without this mf involved (I love him anyway)

I tried to get this done yesterday, but I was on vacation womp womp /j

YT link (if you wanna support me on other things) and thumbnail under cut:

Ily CLH and I hope Viveo stubs his toe <3

[vannybarber]

Rude Boy

Summary: You're practicing a dance routine at Chris' house and you can't get a move down, so he helps you out ;)

Chris Evans x Famous¡BlackReader

(Imagine you're on Beyonce's level of fame. You can sing, rap, dance, act. All that 🥰.)

Warnings: SMUT, cursing, spanking, tiny fluff.

Words: 2.8k

S/N = Stage Name

"Chris pleaseeee" you say, literally on your knees in front of him.

"I don't know if I'm qualified for that. I mean you're S/N." He rubs his face and sighs. You hate when he talks down on himself like that.

You were currently in his living room, begging for him to critic your choreography for your upcoming performance this Sunday night at the Teen Choice Awards. Its nothing different from what you've done before, but you like the feedback. Chris was nominated for 2 awards and also is attending with Scott.

"Stop acting like I'm better than you. Can you please do this for me? Please boo?" You beg him once more, using the nickname you developed for him over the time you worked together.

You met him in the beginning of both you guys' career when you both got casted for Not Another Teen Movie. Then worked together again in Infinity War after the Russo brothers discovered your years old string of tweets begging to be in a Marvel film. You both vowed to never lose touch again after that.

He smiled to himself at the nickname and finally agreed. You clasped your hands together, squealing like a 2 year old. You get off your knees, grimacing at the slight pain on the pads. Grabbing your phone and speaker out your bag, you run to one of his large spaced rooms in his house and hook up your Bluetooth.

You were ready, but hearing his feet shuffling behind you, it was evident he had no intention of speeding up. So you run to him and grab his thick arm and pull him the rest of the way.

"Alright alright I'm comin' " he chuckled at your excitement. He picks up his pace so you don't pull his shoulder out his socket. Finally making it back to the room, you grab a chair for him and make him sit in it.

He sits, getting comfortable and you quickly walk over to your phone and start the music.

Tonight I'ma give it to you harder

Tonight I'ma turn your body out

Relax lemme do it how I wanna

If you got it, I need it and I'ma put it down

You start the dance, lipsyncing the lyrics. You already have great breath control, so you don't have to worry about messing up your vocals.

Buckle up, I'ma give it to you stronger

Hands up we gon' go a lil longer

Tonight I'ma get a lil crazy, get a lil crazy baby

You swirl your ass up in the air, in doggy style position. You look up at Chris and see him looking at your butt. You just smirk and keep going.

Going into your last verse, the nastiest one, the one move you've been struggling with is coming up.

I like when you tell me kiss you there

I like when you tell me move it there

So get it up, time to get it up

You say you want rude, boy, show me whatchu got now

Come here right now

You catch his eyes and wink. He winks back playfully. You guys had flirty exchanges, but they were all joke based. One of the great parts of you guys' relationship.

You lie on your back and prepare to do the move.

Come here rude boy boy can you get it up?

Come here rude boy boy is you big enough?

You attempt the move and mess up for the 50thousandth time. Sitting up on your knees, you bring your hands to your face and groan. Frustrated, you rise and bring the music back to the last verse.

Chris gets up and walks to your side, wrapping his huge bicep around your shoulder. "Hey what's wrong, bean?" He dips his head down to look at your scrunched up face. Like he ain't just watch you fuck up the move.

"I can't get the move right. It's the one part I'm struggling with." You stomp your foot on the brown hardwood floor and fold your arms.

"Well how about you just change it to something you already know" he suggests, but you're not hearing it.

This move is perfect for the song. The move is like you're riding an invisible dick. You have to roll your hips twice and jump back up on your feet, ass in the air, right away. But your rolls are so mechanical and stiff. And you need to do it so you can go into the next move right after.

After you explain this to him, you sit down feeling defeated. He comes over and crouches infront of you, hands on your thighs. You stomach twirls a little. You haven't gotten any in like 2 years, so simple touches you riled up. It's honestly sad.

He scans you from your legs, stops at your lips and up to your eyes. You narrow them at him and wiggle your eyebrows smiling, lowkey wondering why he's checking you out. He smirks and speaks.

"How about I help you with the move?" So many thoughts and images of him riding an imaginary dick on the floor evade your mind and has you giggling like an idiot.

"You gonna get on the floor with me?" You question half jokingly and half serious.

"I have a better idea." Confused, you watch him rub his big hands up your slightly bigger thighs. He reaches your hips and squeezes them, making you squeal because you're ticklish. He stands up and bends down to your level and looks you in your eyes.

"I want you to ride me, Y/N." Your body moving faster than your brain, you get up and walk to the window and stare at it. Hands against the glass you just watch the trees blow in the wind, wide eyed. You hear him laugh behind you and you turn around.

"Chris what do you mean 'ride you'?" You asked the dumb question, knowing exactly what he meant, but you needed to hear it from him. You needed to know exactly what you just heard.

"Honey, you know exactly what I mean. Can we just be honest here? We both are sexually attracted to each other, but push it aside for our friendship" he counters, walking up to you, rubbing your sides again. "Might as well admit it."

You were definitely attracted to him, but him attracted to you? Like that? The flirty jokes you guys shared with each other and the playful touches didn't really mean anything though. Right?

You didn't have time to think about that as you come back to reality and hear him calling your name.

"Y/N? Y/N, you there? You alright?" He grabs your face and checks your eyes. You slap his hand away and look at him. He's so annoying, but so beautiful. Its not fair.

"Maybe we shouldn't do this. I don't want to pressure you into sleeping with me. You're my friend." He backs up and shakes his head. "I'm sorry bean."

You heart pangs a little at his words. You actually wanted to do this. I mean as long as it didn't ruin your friendship, you were cool with it. You grab him back to you and tell him.

"Chris, you're not pressuring me into anything. I want to do it. You're helping me out and plus I trust you with my body. I know you'll respect me." You smile at him and he does the exact same.

"Are you sure because-"

"You have to thumb promise me that this won't mess up our friendship" you cut him off. "I really value that with you." You hold out your thumb, waiting for him to touch it with his. He smiles widely at you, connecting his thumb to yours and kissing his thumb nail, you doing the same.

Everything happened so fast. One minute you're making out straddling his lap and next he's picking you up and heading towards his room. And now here you are, on top of his splayed body on his bed. His tongue is still dancing with yours and his hands grip the hell out of your ass.

You both pull away after sucking out 75% of each other's carbon dioxide.

" Y/N, is this your first time riding?" He looks at you for your answer and you sheepishly nod your head, covering your face out of embarrassment. In your only two relationships, you did the same old things. Missionary and all that. You never really had control or lead so you were nothing less of inexperienced.

He softy pulls your hands from your face and chuckles. "Don't be ashamed, baby. I'm gonna help you okay? It'll be good for the both of us." Giving his famous wink, he adjusts his body a little higher.

"First, let's get these clothes off of you. Is that okay?" You nod eagerly and your heart warms up with how respectful he's being. Consent is so sexy.

He pulls your black t-shirt above your head and tosses it behind you. Observing your beddable torso he slides his hands up your ribcage, around your back and to your bra clip.

"Let's get this off, yeah?" Another eager nod. The entire time, you're just smiling. Because for one, he's being so patient with you and two, you're excited as hell. It's been a long ass time.

After your bra comes off, his hands shoot straight up to massage your boobs. They actually fill his hands and he's most definitely enjoying it. You laugh outloud and lower yourself down so he can slip one on his mouth. He quickly latched on twirled his tongue around the nipple and switches over to the other, doing the same. You throw your head back and grind on his crotch area.

He sees this and teases you about it.

"Is someone ready for their lesson?"

You whine out your words.

"Yesss." He halts his grip on your boobs and looks at you. "Yes what?" You pause and register what he's asking you. He quirks an eyebrow, waiting for your answer. You bite your lip.

"Yes Daddy." He pulls your head down by your neck and kisses you sweetly. "Good girl", he smiles at you proudly. Him praising you only made your panties even more soaked. You shift your body around, removing your tights. Throwing them to the side, you lean down and kiss him again. Only this time, you were the one removing the clothes.

After getting his shirt off and reconnecting your lips, your hands run over his chest and he moans in your mouth. You grin against his lips and reach for his belt. Pulling away, you earn a whine from him too.

Someone's eager, you think smirking to yourself.

Undoing that red belt he literally was in love with and removing his pants, his boner was on full display and you were not disappointed. According to your calculations, based off your sight, he was at least 7 maybe 8 inches. His shaft was visibly thicc and wide. You were in for a treat.

He watches you gawk at his coCk and thrusts up into your hand, making you squeal. He could literally feel the excitement radiate from your body. But he was way more excited than you could imagine.

"You like what you see, pretty girl?" You look back up at him and stick your tongue out like a child. You truly could not stand this adorable puppy man child. His hand rests on the side of your face and his thumb grazes over your cheekbone.

"Take it out for me, baby girl." All these nicknames he was giving you did not help your horny predicament. You reach inside his Calvin Klein's and feel for him. Grabbing his humongous length, you pull it out and pull the boxers down and off his legs.

Absentmindedly, you stroke him, dragging your thumb over the head and collecting the bits of precum sitting. He groans lowly, bucking his hips up into your closed hand.

"Now you're just gonna get up and sink on it slowly, okay? Stop for a second if it hurts" he coaches you. Following his orders, you move up so your core is right on his tip. Slowly you sink on him.

The slight pain does not go unnoticed as he stretches you out. Ignoring it, you push down a little more.

"That's it, sweet girl. You're doing so good for me. So good." He rubs your hips encouragingly, relieving some of the pain. When you finally get him completely inside, you look at your bodies connected, shocked you even got him in so easily.

"When you're ready, just move back and forth. If it gets too much, let me know and I'll help you. Okay, pretty girl?" You let out a soft 'yes', clenching around him. After most of the pain subsides, you move on him. His heaving breathing doesn't slip past you and neither does your tiny whimpers.

"There you go baby. You're learning so fast. Just keep moving, just like that." He throws his head back gritting his teeth. The pleasure is coming in fast and you moan out his name. Hands on his chest, your hips roll against his, cock sliding in and out of you. His hands on under your butt help you move swiftly.

You speed up at his praises and a swat lands on your bottom, leaving a tingling feeling. As if you weren't already fired up, that did it for you. Your pace increases and your skin slaps against his, echoing in the bare room. A yell leaves your mouth as reoccurring ecstacy shoots through your body everytime you slide back down on him.

Chris tries to grip onto you but his hands keep slipping.

"Fuck, Y/N! You're doing so perfect. Ride me just like that. You're such a good girl"

He starts to meet your rhythm, rutting up into you. Now you're screaming and the slaps get louder, his hands coming in contact with your ass more frequent. You feel the coil in your abdomen and you aren't short of letting him know.

"Daddy I'm- Fuck I'm gonna cum, I'm gonna cum!" You balance yourself with your hands on the sides of his head and give it your all one last time.

"Let go baby. Cum for me. Cum all over my cock, sweet girl." You didn't need to be told twice. Your eyes twisted shut and your pussy gripping around him, you cum all over his length. He thrusts a couple more times and shoots his load inside you, filling you up. Both your bodies go limp against each other.

"That was so fucking amazing" you force out, in between breathes. You raise your head to look at his fucked out state. Pride rises in your chest, knowing you did this to him. He looks down at you, giving a dopey smile.

"You were amazing. I would've never guessed this was your first ride. Hopefully it won't be your last, with me of course." Hope is evident in his voice. You take a moment to contemplate, but you already knew your answer.

"I think we could make it happen" you say tapping your fingers on your chin and a huge grin on your face.

"Then it's settled. I think you have this move downpacked." He leans down giving you another kiss. You were in for the ride of your life.

Blinded by your excitement to perform, Sunday night came quick. You were backstage watching the program as you got ready. The movie nominations were up and Chris was nominated for Movie Actor: Sci-Fi/Fantasy and Movie Scene Stealer. Hearing his name called for both awards you freak out while your make up artists Stella tries to put on the finishing touches.

Chris honestly deserves every award he is nominated for and every one he isn't. He's so talented, but people never appreciate the actual talent around here. He doesn't win many awards so this was extremely big for him. You were so proud.

You hear Maya Rudolph present you and you get into position.

Throughout the performance you were grinning from ear to ear. Excited for the move Chris helped you perfect and reminiscing on how he helped you perfect it. The part comes up and you absolutely nail it. You look at him in the front row and see his mouth a 'good girl' at you.

When the performance is over, you take in your applause, wink at Chris and head into the back. Moments later, everyone is in the back congratulating you. Chris comes up beside you and smiles.

"You did such a good job, bean." He kisses the side of your forehead. Your bestfriend comes up and asks you how you got the move down. You look up at Chris.

"Well I had a very good teacher. He taught me very well."

Glances did not fail to be thrown across the room and your bestfriend did not fail to bombard you and Chris with questions on the ride home.

Hmmm I actually liked this one 😎

masterlist

[princess-of-riviaa]

The Tonight Show

Request 1 by anonymous: Hi hi my darling! How are you? I hope you're ok and I hope you have a great weekend. So, I've never requested anything before, and it's ok if you don't appreciate what I'm about to ask, but I've never seen anyone writing about a hot night with Henry in Brazil. You know what I mean? Summer, samba, the sea, caipirinha, that mystic moonlight (he loves Brazil, and Brazil LOVES him). Thanks for reading 💙

Request 2 by @lunedelorient​: Reader writes a fantasy book. Henry discovers the story and convince Charlie, they have to produce a movie. Both met Reader, and Henry falls madly in love for her, (because she is as awesome as her book). And filming just made them closer and closer. Charlie, who knows his bro likes her (but is too scared that this doesn’t work like his other relationships) starts to give her clues, and since she likes him back, decided to let him know he can ask her out. On a very sexy way. The movie is a hit, so they have a very busy promo tour. One of the stops is Lipsync Battle. Henry doesn’t know she is the queen of Lipsync, so she used it for her plan.

Pairing: Henry Cavill x OFC (Melanie)

Author’s Note: i’m so sorry if I didn’t get your requests down just right. I allowed the story to flow how it wanted to and this was what happened! So I hope you both still enjoy!

Summary: Henry finds himself falling for the writer of the latest film he’s working on. One night in Brazil, those feelings are finally acted on.

Warning(s): mentions of alcohol, fluff (surprisingly)

Word Count: 1,568

HENRY

She circles her hips, and I swear I’m hypnotized. The way she moves… it’s like the music is a part of her, flowing from her swaying hips and shaking arms. She’s a fucking goddess.

I move in my seat, hoping my hard on isn’t obvious under these low streetlights. Brazil was a bad idea. This girl is full of bad ideas, yet for some reason I seem to go along with every single one.

It started with that stupid interview. I should have known she was up to no good when I first saw her in that tight cocktail dress that did nothing to hide the teasing shape of her ass and the luscious bounce of her tits. I’d ignored my feelings up until then; but on the night, she was irresistible.

I guess if I’m going to explain myself, I should start at the beginning. Ten months before the interview. The day the script for A Hunted Crown landed in front of me and my casting agent convinced me to go for the lead role. It was a brilliant script, full of twists and heart-wrenching scenes, as well as characters that jumped off the page and became real, fleshed-out people. According to my agent, the book this movie was based on was even better. So, obviously, I had to audition. There was no way I would give up a chance to be a part of something like this. Not only could it make my career, but as a fantasy lover I know that finding a genuine story these days is harder than finding a needle in a haystack.

The only problem: she was at the audition. Her pseudonym was Little Lady, but I learned that day that her real name was Melanie. I was a few years her senior, but damn if she didn’t make me feel like I knew nothing about the world. Not in a condescending way--she was so sweet and genuine, it was adorable--but in a way that she knew so much about everything and I knew so little compared to her. I spent most of our brief, five-minute conversation trying not to gape in awe at her brilliance. I was glad she wasn’t in the actual audition room, otherwise I would have been too distracted to do my audition any good.

But five days later I got the call; I’d been casted as the main character. Cue three months of training and six months of filming. Melanie was on set everyday. She became a familiar face I enjoyed seeing all the time. We bonded through our love of fantasy and other nerdy things. Though I quickly began to memorize trivial things like how she ate a green apple with her lunch everyday, or how she giggled uncontrollably when she was tired after a tedious day of reshoots, or how her clumsiness made me yearn to look out for and protect her, I forced myself to stay focused on the film. Just get through filming, then I can let my mind wander.

Filming ended too soon. I found myself grateful that she was going to Brazil with the main cast to promote the movie (we’d shot ninety percent of the film in the mountains of Serra do Mar, just outside Rio, and the director had roots there, so we were doing half our promoting there and the rest of it back in the states) and even happier when they paired me with her for almost every interview we did.

Until The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallen. He had us do a lip sync battle. On his show, it was a tradition that he battled against his guest for the night, but since he had both me and Melanie, we were put against each other. And of course she had to choose songs that weren’t even discreet about all their sexual innuendos, and of course it had to be right then and there that I learned she knew how to move her body. It took everything in me not to drag her backstage and take her right then. Somehow, though, I managed to contain myself. I lost the battle, but for once in my life I had been too preoccupied with other things to care about winning.

I won’t be able to contain myself tonight. Not with how she’s dancing. Not with the way she’s looking directly at me, like she’s doing all of this for me. Not with how hard I already am.

… MELANIE

My pulse races, though I know it’s not from all the dancing. It’s from Henry. It’s from the way he’s looking at me right now--like he wants to devour me. The look makes adrenaline pump through my veins, mixed with just the right amount of nerves, and I force all of that into the dance. One thing most people don’t know about me is I dance as well as I write. Henry is completely entranced by my movements and something in the air--maybe it’s the amount of beer we’ve already had, or all the couples grinding and making out around us, or just the romantic atmosphere of Brazil itself--tells me that tonight I’m finally going to get what I’ve been waiting for.

I reach out for his hand and drag him from his seat before he can protest or I can think logically about what I’m about to do. I lead him to the middle of the dancing crowd before starting to dance again. He hesitantly begins to dance along with me. Before my mind can halt me in my tracks, I turn my back to him and begin to dance in front of him, swaying my hips like I’m dangling a treat in front of his nose. I gasp when I feel his hands slide around my hips and pull me against him. We fall into a steady rhythm, swaying our hips together, and with every movement my heart beats harder in my chest.

Henry nudges my ear with his nose, sending a shiver down my spine as he tells me, “I never knew you could dance like this.”

I throw my head back until it rests on his shoulder, his thick muscles flexing and unflexing with each of his movements. “You never asked,” I reply. “There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me, Henry.”

His right hand lets go of my hip and moves to rest on my stomach. My back is now flush with his chest. It’s an intimate gesture, one that sends heat straight to my face and my core. Butterflies dance just under my skin where his hand rests. I want to know how it will feel when he moves his hand lower.

“I want to know those things. I want to know you inside and out, Melanie,” he whispers in my ear, and I become a puddle of desperate want.

I spin around to face him, my lips parting when I see how dark his gaze has become--and how he can’t look anywhere but at my lips. He closes the distance between us until we share one breath.

“Tell me to stop,” he breathes. “Tell me you don’t want this.”

“I can’t,” I reply, my voice shaking. “I’m not a liar.”

And then he closes that last half-inch of space between us and brushes his mouth against mine. It’s a hesitant kiss, a mere brush of two nervous mouths, but my heart is still in my throat and my hands are still shaking at my sides. Henry finally closes his mouth over mine and deepens the kiss, applying much needed pressure to my mouth. An embarrassing moan claws its way from the back of my throat. Henry can no doubt hear it. But instead of laughing or pulling away, he wraps an arm around my back and pulls me as tight against him as I can possibly be. My hands reach up to cling onto his dark curls. He whispers a soft fuck and I swallow the noise greedily. Our tongues collide and make a dance of their own--a dance of giving and taking, of claiming and exploring.

Henry pulls back, albeit reluctantly, and rests his forehead against mine. We both stand in silence for a minute, attempting to catch our breath. “We should go back to the hotel,” Henry sighs.

I nod. “Yeah, that’s a good idea.”

How the hell can one kiss be that mind-blowing? I can barely think, barely stand without my legs shaking, barely breathe. I never want him to stop kissing me.

He gives me a soft smile as his fingers loop through mine and he guides me out of the crowd and back onto emptier streets. The hotel is only two blocks away so we walk back in tense silence. Everyone--the director, the three main actors of the movie, and me--all have our own rooms, but tonight I stay in Henry’s. It’s the same as mine--single bed, bedside table, bathroom--but it’s so much more appealing than my room. Maybe it’s because, after a week of staying here, the smell of Henry is in the sheets.

“Do you want to stay?” he asks as we make our way inside.

I nod a simple yes at him. That’s all he needs before he kisses me again, slowly moving towards the bed.

Neither one of us get any sleep that night. I couldn’t be happier about it.

***

Tag Squad:

@agniavateira​ @hnryycvll​ @littlefreya​ @celestial-vomit​ @lestersglitterglue​ @watermeloncavill​ @honeychicana​ @penwieldingdreamer​ @mary-ann84​ @elixasays​ @buckysgoldenheart​ @noz4a2​ @trippedmetaldetector​ @omgkatinka​ @lunedelorient​ @aphrodites-punch​ @yespolkadotkitty​ @sweetybuzz25​ @iloveyouyen​ @deathonyourtongue​ @utterlyhopeful​ @wondersofdreaming​ @tsukuyomi011​ @the-soot-sprite @desperate-and-broken​ @jayismz @emelinelovesjc @palaiasaurus64​ @wolvesandhoundshowltogether​ @henrythickcavill​ @secretlyactivated​ @madbaddic7ed​

Let me know if you want to be added/removed from my taglist!

[weirdagnes]

💄RUDOLF’S DRAG RACE AU 🏁

ALRIGHT SO this AU originally started in our Yeah We Outlasting discord server, artists started drawing the characters in drag and I WOKE HMSHD real shit man. So I'm making a masterpost for drag au on behalf of the server✊✊

Outlast 1 = Season 1

Outlast 2 = Season 2

Whistleblower DLC = All Stars

All of the characters and ideas for the characters were written in collab with @gothivican, @panopt1c0n, @grahaam and the rest of the lads in the server, y’all have such beautiful brains. So anyways.

Here are the judges:

Rudolf Wernicke. Lowkey bias, literally goes to the backstage and tells Miles to beat Billy Hope in a lipsync because Billy can't continue on the show for some reason. Has favoritism towards Blaire, but was forced to sashay him away by the other two judges. Also this bitch is dying, literally has a breathing tank support behind his chair.

Pauline Glick. A very sharp critic. Wore the same shoes? Call out. Oh that's your signature makeup? UGLY tone it down. Sorry, the colors don't match, you'll be in the bottom two for that.

Paul Marion. The kindest judge. He will give constructive criticism in the nicest non-offensive way possible and compliment them after (because he would feel guilty about it).

Alice as guest star. Supportive as f u c k, huge fan, she cries when meeting the queens in Untucked. She can't help complimenting the queens every 10 seconds, she gives off the Leslie Jones’ enthusiasm.

Lisa Park as guest star. Like Alice, very supportive. She’s an artist, and will break down all the reasons why they are so good from an artist’s perspective. Crushes HARD on Wyssle Blower, she might’ve given her number after the show.

Lynn Langermann as guest star. She’s a judge, and she will judge. Gives out well constructed criticisms to all queens fair and square until she saw Angel Fromm (Blake) and just says “Wow what’s there to criticize?” Sallyzekiel hates her, Valentina and Angel on the other hand loves her very much.

 Here are the queens:

Miles Upshur as Kill-O-Meter. Primarily an insult comedy and rocker queen, and specializes in dancing. She tends to be criticized for a lack of glamour on some of her main stage looks, and is one of the most dramatic, sarcastic and shady queens of the bunch. Can and will stomp on you in latex boots for money. Besties with Wyssle and Chrisel, gets into a little heated talks with (occasionally) Peacock, (frequently) Ricky and Remy. She adores Cheets’ (Pyro) makeup skills. Winner of season 1 babey!!

Chris Walker as Piggy Chrisel. A punk/grunge queen who seems to specialize moreso in dancing and lip syncing. She's a shy, gentle giant, has a little trouble speaking coherently and it affects her in the acting/impromptu comedy challenges. She will call out whores though, she will kick ass when the situation calls for it. Really good at makeup, makeup girl-friends with Cheeto and besties with Kill O Meter (Latrila vibes). Also a perfectionist and hates mess on her work table.

Rick Trager as Ricky Trix. Whore, that's all. This bitch OBNOXIOUS and shady but she's both a glamour AND comedy queen, the other queens are watching out for her since day one. Horror and '80s inspired queen, extremely good at comedy and acting and will literally stomp the competition with nearly perfect impressions and extremely expressive acting. The downfall for her seems to be glam on the occasion and singing. Rivals with Kill O Meter and Miss Tini, kikis with Remy (they throw shade to other queens the moment they get em)

Father Martin as Miss Tini. The oldest queen but she can still serve the cakes. Generally a kind person, coming from a religious background. She’s takes the drag culture religiously. She gets along with The Twinks.

The Twins as The Twinks. Was recruited as two totally separate queens, but both quit on the first episode when one of the twins were to be eliminated. The queens tell the Twinks apart by who’s bald and who’s not. They don’t vibe with other queens except Miss Tini.

Pyromaniac as Cheeto de LaFlammeo. Queen of Makeup, she has some serious skill range on it. Good in the acting department, always plays as the tragic character. Was rivals with Kill-O Meter before, but one time when she had a breakdown, Kill-O Meter was by her side when no one was. After that, they respected each other.

Billy Hope as Billy Willy. CLOWN QUEEN, huge Crystal Methyd vibes. She’s the youngest queen, very energetic, a ball of SUNSHINE but Wernicke was a bias bitch and sent her home immediately the moment she was in the bottom. She was basically Kill-O Meter and Wyssle Blower's drag child. Hailed as Miss Congeniality, is voted by majority to return for a season 2 for going home a little too early than people feel was deserved. Best at makeup and outfits, her mom Tiffany taught her to sew and make dresses out of rags and other unconventional materials and the skill proved to be helpful. Also she likes puns and everyone likes playing with her name like: Silly Billy Willy, Witty Billy Willy, etc.

....

Waylon Park as Wyssle Blower. The Mom of the queens, the most well rounded queen, and the most 'fishy' one. Probably the smartest and most humble one out of everyone, she can read through people’s bullshit well. Genuinely looks like a girl in full drag, but always does her best on acting. She's serving you a cute, nerdy and quirky style, but can serve horror when need be. Always wins the mini challenges, she's not as loud as the other girls but she does beat Blaire in a lip sync (lowkey badass lipsyncer). Winner of All Stars babey

Jeremy Blaire as Remy Coco Ainée. Pretentious fake ass queen, even her drag name is just Cocaine in fake French. A pure fashion glamour queen, she serves it at almost all the fashion challenges but there's no more personality out of her other than that and her shady attitude (she will not hold back on the shade). Is extremely horrible at singing (her voice cracks) and acting, goes home against a lip sync with Wyssle. This bitch will FLEX her wins. Kikis with Ricky, mainly rivals with Kill O Meter, Wyssle and Peacock but she made everyone her rivals bc of her bitchass attitude.

Eddie Gluskin as Edna Taylor. Fashion queen, specializes in sewing, acting and singing, but is extremely lacking in the dancing department. Has a one-sided endearment for Waylon, and consistently tries to have her attention. Is extremely manipulative too, trying to consistently trip the other queens up. Also everybody hates her mohawk signature wig but nobody says anything about it because they don’t want to be victim to Edna’s mind games.

Frank Manera as Hanni Canni Bahl. Horror queen, best at comedy and dancing. Though it is prohibited, she’s able to sneak in weed, coke (for Ricky) and snacks in the werk room. Very messy when working, her discarded fabrics are EVERYWHERE and Chrisel is fighting the urge to clean it up. She eats while working when the camera’s off, and it stains the dress she’s working on (Pauline notices it).

Dennis as Denise. Mocked as “Edna’s little helper” as she always helps with her dresses. She’s trying too hard to impress Edna, and helps her get Wyssle’s attention. Very talented in acting and sewing, but bland in fashion, lacking in concept. Her inner conflict is what got her eliminated.

Simon Peacock as Julie Peacock. Rebellious, mischievous, and an ex-glam queen gone horror and campy instead. After being insulted much by glam queens (ahemRemyahem), she just embraced it and became a horror queen, serving the judges her horror aesthetic. Best at comedy, lacks extremely on acting and dancing though. No one is safe from her constructive criticism, and she will never stop ranting to Kill O Meter and Wyssle about Remy and Ricky being bad bitches and favored by Wernicke, she thinks it's unfair.

....

Blake Langermann as Angel Fromm. Singing queen!! Good at singing, but otherwise is moreso well-rounded, she might've been eliminated earlier, hadn't it been for her also low-key successful and iconic lip syncs. But the lucky winning streak didn't last forever, she goes home later in the season because she's slowly falling behind the other queens and can't keep up anymore. Has Rococo aesthetic, unfortunately the outfits can't make up for the lack of character as a queen. Though she needs a lot of improvement, the guest star Lynn adores her very much.

Val as Valentina. Queen of SEX or moreso impersonations and comedy. She’s a terrible tailor, but likes unconventional and simple fashion designs. She’s trans and lowkey Pauline has a crush on her the moment she walked on that stage. Pure rivals with Sallyzekiel, you know that iconic Aja vs. Valentina in Untucked? They had that moment. Probably goes home earlier, not entirely prepared, but still was a season icon. Definitely dropped it low about 10 times on her lip sync.

Marta as ImMartal. GOTH QUEEN, survived about early mid season. Best at her makeup and looks, glam queen, but the judges criticize her for wearing the same wigs/having the same hairstyle for almost every looks.

Nick Tremblay as Nicky Lanterns. Another gentle giant. Very introverted, she has a difficult time socializing with other girls because she’s generally not a very loud person. Really bad at makeup, her fashion sense is somewhat okay but it’s always on the ‘safe’ level. Pretty good at slapstick comedy, writing and concepts tho. It’s a wonder how Nicky and Lard Imp became “friends,” they’re complete opposites.

Laird Byron as Lard Imp. Whore, Exhibit B. Extremely rude, louder than Remy and Ricky themselves, and has a weird love/hate obsession with Angel for some reason. Everyone hates her, even Rudolf himself, and Lard Imp isn’t her original drag name but ultimately they came to a point where they just called her Lard Imp. Constantly denies the judges’ and the queens’ critiques, very delusional about winning the season and that’s why she’s the first one eliminated.

Sullivan Knoth as Sallyzekiel. The Big Bad Bitch of the season. Ultimate rivals with Valentina, constantly bullies Angel. Marta used to be friends with her, but after talking shit on Valentina, she says fuck you and defended Val. Glam queen, has an affinity for shoes but damn girl terrible makeup and padding. Really good with speech, acting and impromptu.

So far, here are the character designs we have made!

(1) Blake and Trager by @/pan0pt1con

(1, 2, 3, 4, 5) Waylon, Chris, Simon, Eddie, Miles and Jeremy by @/gothivican

(1) Billy, Miles, Chris, Wernicke, Pauline, Paul and Alice by @/weirdagnes

[brvghtestwvtch]

hogwarts house aesthetic ★彡

gryffindors: they’re smart but have no common sense whatsoever, has bandaids in their backpack just in case, puppy love, messy desks, sneaker collections, nodding off in the car, denim jackets, playing in the water, believes in true love, falls in love with everyone they meet, playing the guitar by a fire, summer camp, fireflies, stains on clothings, vinyl records, lollipops, late night drives, drive-thru’s, theme diners, cherries, really awkward, loudest laugh, stubborn, wild & messy hair, walks in the park, smeared lipstick, combat boots, sunsets, fireworks, popcorn, constantly has ink stains on their hands, likes thinking of loop-holes, huge activist, laughs until they cry and reverse, love-hate relationship with siblings, stands up for their family and friend, fiery temper, really competitive, nervously playing with their fingers/ playing with their hair, messy hair, chipped nail polish, doing something for the heck of it, having the need to pet every animal they come in contact with, uses pickup lines on their friends but never dare to use them on their own crush, a cram studier, dyes/cut their own hair, doing something they’re told not to, first one to admit their wrong or too stubborn to admit their wrong; there's no in-between, really likes cheesy romantic comedies, considers friends as family, friendship bracelets, really loyal, would wake up 3am to break their friends out of jail, lipsync their favorite musical while dramatically flailing their hands, toothy smiles at random people, striking up conversation with everyone around them, really antsy and fidgety, find it hard to sleep at night, likes hearing people laughing at something they said, blisters on the palm of their hands or on the flat of their foot, bruises and scabs are sprinkled onto their bodies, gets really excited when the blow a bubble, raspy breathing, sweating hard, talking over their friends, got kicked out of a store with their friends

ravenclaw: hair tied up, trench coats, fogged glasses, movie geeks, likes to try new things, watches conspiracy theories until sunrise, thrift stores, coffee stained on papers, addicted to caffeine, artistic/creative, draped in their fluffy blanket while watching their favorite crime shows, believes in astrology signs, sarcastic remarks, dreamy & dazed, road trips at night, sneaks out to watch the stars, likes the sound of rain, adds up the prices of the items they're going to be and checks the amount of money they have, really good at bargaining, makes friends with people that have the same interest, does further research on a movie/song/any interesting subject, creative ways of cussing, can either be messy or neat, has a movie list but never end up watching them, procrastinates more than they admit, ponders about the meaning of the dream they had the other night, don't know if they're laughing or crying, breakdowns before, during, and after the test, rambles a lot but no one really minds, has the most random facts, stays updated on world news/gossip, gets lost in a bookstore/ library, pretends they're in a music video, round glasses, pastries, constellations, likes observing others, to-do lists, neon sign, likes the sound of leaves crunching

hufflepuff: paint smeared onto hands, legs, & clothing, flower picking, mum's friend, early bird, hair in braids, oversized hoodies, memorized their orders at their local cafe, names every thing they come in contact with, volunteers, has a diary, studies really hard, really good secret keepers, like to open their window, dance barefoot in a flower field, having a lot of accessories, hand-made presents for their friends, remembers important dates and times, has a favorite candy/snack that they always get, cooks their childhood food when homesick, has emotional attachments with all of their belongings, being neutral when their friends fight, reread their favorite books, has a playlist for every mood/events, no one really understands how loud they are, has a pinterest board that basically maps out their entire life, sugar rush, dragging their friends to dance with them, really good at avoiding confrontations, has a huge admiration for someone that had influenced them to be who they are, had gotten sunburnt at one point in their life, buys holiday theme candies, gift shops, has a box filled with photos, buys the things that they like with their own money, heart-shaped glasses, has a little garden that they guard with their life, strawberry picking, annual pass for their favorite amusement park, makes their own signature drink, pressed flowers

slytherin: yelling out of frustration, happiness, sadness, or nervousness, has a fear of failing, separate folders for memes, standing in the rain, nails digging into their palm, leaving marks, silver rings, dyes their hair a bright color in the bathroom at 4 am, tons of mid-life crisis, raised eyebrows, deep sighs and lots of facepalming, gives it their all, dramatic, teary eyes as they hold back their tears, rebellious streaks, smirks, cold air, the end of fall and the beginning of winter, music blocking out the world, overlapped talking, bustling streets, blowing air onto the car window and drawing hearts, raindrop races, has a reptile for a pet, calls people out for their crap, has a small hidden tattoo somewhere, traditions are important, silent movies, berets, silk night gowns, diamonds, pencil skirts, ripped jeans, unrequited love, fighting with friends then making up while crying, has a strategy when doing homework, stays in a pack of really close friends, rose water, crystal ball & tarot cards, bangs, designer bags, sparkling water, waterfall, has a mini notebook in their backpack, has a really nice vocabulary, museums, greek mythology, has a simple minimalistic lifestyle, amazing poems, secrets, the smell of smoke, thunder storm, cracked sidewalks, lamp posts, chokers

[totallypathet]

Episode Four

Okay so first things first, I love a ball. I'm just not that psyched when they do them so early on in the season, because it feels so overwhelming when there's 12 queens doing 3 looks each, there's just sooo much to process! Having said all that, I do absolutely adore the ball challenges because it shows us so much about each queen. It's always interesting watching their creative processes and how they think. My favourites in the ball challenges are the ones who really *KimChi voice* embrace the materials. I just find it so boring when they just sort of glue stuff to corsets and don't really incorporate the materials of the challenge. So having said that, let's get into it!

1. Aiden Zhane

Miss Aiden... after the runways the only thing I had to say about Aiden was "really girl?".

She put so little effort into that third outfit. She put less effort into that that Derrick Berry put into the book ball. It was basic, bitch, don't come at it like "well I have a simple aesthetic" simplicity is not low effort. Simplicity is not basic. Simplicity is Gigi Goode's Lady Baller look. It was simple; but it was perfectly fitted, it was a fully realised concept, the fabric choices were perfect - it's simple, but it's effective, it's beautiful, and it's a story. That fucking corset was terrible, and she should've lipsynced for that alone. Her Lady Baller look was cute, I liked the reference, but I've seen it before. Her Basketball wife was horrific. I own that dress, and it's cheap and tacky. Speaking of cheap and tacky, can we talk about that black wig she wore with her third look?! Like don't get me wrong, I'm so glad that she's wearing a different fucking wig finally, but that wig came straight out of a bag and she put it on her head. It had that awful cheap synthetic shine, and I can't believe noone mentioned it.

She's so unpolished and I feel like she just doesn't even care. Shes like Shangie season 2 except not even 10% as charming or likeable. I am so ready for her to leave, and the fact that she's survived 2 eliminations already is beyond me.

2. Brita

Almost everything I've just written above about Aiden Zhane could also apply to Brita. I really really don't like her attitude. She's coming across so bitter and so cocky at the same time - and what's even worse is that I've seen no talent from her to justify her attitude at all!

This week was not a good week for Brita, and honestly I think she should have gone home. I actually really liked her Lady Baller look, it was a clever concept, it was immediately recognisable and it was styled well. The fact that her other two looks were utterly shocking makes me think that that first look was entirely the work of a designer and she had no input whatsoever. The second look?? Where she was like "oh it's an adaptation of Kim K's Met Gala look??? Delusional. Girl, it looked so fucking cheap, it didn't fit that well, and it was ugly ugly ugly. Kim K would never.

All of that pales in comparison to the third look. What was that? Honestly, what the fuck was that? It was so badly made, it looked ugly, it was unrecogniseable, and it was just a catastrophe. I was humiliated for her when she walked out in it. Her lipsyn also wasn't that good. She should be next to leave after Aiden Zhane.

3. Crystal Methyd

Listen, I love Crystal. What the fuck was she wearing for her Basketball Wife look? Choices. Other than that little blip, Crystal made me so happy this week!! He Lady Baller look was perfect, it was exactly the level of fun and quirky I wanted from Crystal, she totally sold me that 80s bowling fantasy! And then her third look!!!! The Carmen Miranda reference was perfect, that dress fit her impeccably, and it moved beautifully! I think she's going to just go from strength to strength and I am so excited to watch her! I never know what she's going to be wearing when she comes around the corner and I love it. Strong night for Crystal!

4. Gigi Goode

I mean, you handed Gigi Goode a design challenge and expected her not to win??? She sold me every look this week, and I loved it. She gave me 3 distinct and recognisable characters, and her presentation of each one was totally different, that's talent. I don't have all that much to say about Gigi this week, because it was all said on the show. She killed it, I think she's going all the way and I cant wait to see what she pulls out next.

5. Heidi N Closet

LET 👏 HEIDI 👏 KEEP 👏 HER 👏 NAME! I'm still so mad about that and I'm not over it. Heidi had a bit of a slip this week for me. Not nearly enough to deserve being in the bottom (especially not next to Aiden and Brita), but it wasn't a great week for her. Her first look was really ill fitting and unfortunate, but I do respect that she took the golf ball and club out on the runway, props can be unpredictable. The second look was cute, but it was just cute, and her third look... wow. I get what she was going for, that very high fashion androgyny, but...that green and that purple... someone put in that gif of Chrissie Teigen 😬😬. I'm glad this happened when there were enough people for her to fall middle of the pack, because she deserves better than to go home for some shoddy looks. But honestly, I do hate when queens go on this show and say "I don't know how to sew, I've only ever made one garment", you know you're coming on the show!!! Learn some sewing basics!! Make some dresses!! You know there's going to be sewing challenges, prepare yourself!!

6. Jackie Cox

Jackie Cox 😍😍😍 Jackie should absolutely have been top 3 this week!! Every. Single. Look. Was. Stunning. Her references were on point. Her shapes were gorgeous. Her presentations were perfect. Her characters were all recognisably different. But all the looks were recognisably Jackie. Jackie was Robbed. She gave me my whole life this week.

7. Jaida Essence Hall

Jaida was absolutely gorgeous this week! Her face is always stunning, but she brought it with her outfits too! And the third outfit was probably my favourite of the week, she knows her body, she understand her shapes and you know what it was nicely executed. I think Jaida is super solid and I don't think a whole lot in this competition is going to phase her.

8. Jan

Jan was also robbed!! I'm still thinking about her Basketball Wife look, how perfect was that! It was exactly what you would see a Basketball Wife wearing, at a Basketball Game. So on point. And the Janel bag? Iconic.

Her Lady Baller look was absolutely what I wanted from her as well! It was made of footballs! (I refuse to say soccer balls, I'm not American) And then she dribbled a football down the runway! In heels! Stunning.

Her third look was couture, high fashion, and so distinctive from her other 2 looks. Honestly top 3 should have been Jan, Jackie and Gigi. You can't change my mind.

9. Nicky Doll

This was a great week for Nicky! Which, to be fair, was to be expected in a fashion challenge. But she did a fabulous job! I think her Lady Baller was my favourite of all the Lady Baller looks. The makeup was perfect, the wig was stunning - also I challenge anyone to clock Nicky Doll's wigs! It's so strange that out of drag she has dark hair and it looks stunning, but when in drag she's mostly a blonde and it's so perfect on her. The gilet she wore for her second look was stunning, and I loved her styling. That third look?! Iconic. It was like the high fashion baby of Roxxxy Andrews' Sugar Ball look, and Yvie Oddly's Farm to Fashion look. I loved it. I love her. I think she has a really great personality too! I don't get what the judges are saying about her not having any personality. I really hope she pulls it out next week - I already know her runway is going to be perfect!

10. Rock M Sakura

Oh my baby Rock! She didn't deserve to be bottom 2 this week. Everything she did was just a tiny bit off. Her pads were a little weird this week, I'm not sure what happened there, but that did throw me off when she was walking. Her Lady Ballers look was great! I didn't get the judges critiques about it not being enough! If she'd have worn something elaborate on the bottom, they would have said it was too much - which is exactly the critique she got for her third look! I do agree that her second look was a little bit pedestrian. I actually lived her third look though! It was over the top, but that's Rock M's style! And the way she styles it was gorgeous. I liked that it wasn't a complete dress, it looked really sculptural and architectural. The fact that she went home and Aiden Zhane was safe is so beyond me. Robbed. Also she is a better performer than Brita, she just struggled with that dress, which is such a shame. I'm glad they really let us get to know her before she left though, she's not just going to be that "oh yeah her" queen who shows up at the finale.

11. Widow Von Du

I like Widow so much, but I don't know that she's going to go all the way at the moment. I really really really want her to pull it out next week! She was so amazing that first week, and since then she's just sort of coasted for me. Her looks this week were just okay. Her first look was really stunning, but the cheap horse stick prop made it look costumey, which is such a shame. Her second look was pretty, but it swallowed her up a bit, I felt like it was wearing her. Her third look I actually really liked but omg those shoes. What was she thinking. It ruined the whole thing for me. I really want her to succeed and I'm keeping my fingers crossed for her next week!

There is one other thing I'd like to say about this week, which is that the Miss Trunchbull look that walked itself down the runway was incredible. If anyone knows the designer of that look, please let me know, because they deserve recognition for how great that look was.

Edit: @rattlethosestars let me know the designer of the look is Florence D'Lee, who you can follow on instagram here!

Otherwise, that's all for the breakdown this week! I am so looking forward to "Gay's Anatomy" next week, I feel like it could be such a entertaining challenge!

[maddmacaw]

Hi. I found out what maladaptive daydreaming was today, just a few hours ago. I tought on telling my family or my friends the situation I am in but I ended up trusting nobody, so I am writing here all the symptoms I got, please help me make my mind up. My mother says she used to tell me stories since she learned she was pregnant. I have vids that I "read" books when I am like 3 and turned out I didn't just say random words, I committed every single word of them to my memory because I made my ~

My mom read them over and over. She says I was a really weird child, I could have fun with so simple things for so long- like a wallet or a pen. I just looked at them. Just looking made me happy somehow. Then I got myself imaginary friends. one of them was an owl and the other was a ghost and I always imagined they left me by saying "we have to go now and look after other children , you have grown. Never forget us" when I was 5 and I still remember that day, I never talked with them again. ~

Then I grew up, like to 3rd grade or something. And I started using the school bus. God, I can't tell you how happy that made me. I loved sitting by the window. I imagined myself running by the road as the bus moved. I jumped through the trees, the buildings. I got excited every time I got on that bus. And I talked to myself all the time. Like ALL THE TIME. That scared my parents sometimes but I never thought it was weird. Then in 6th grade we started having writing lessons. I remember my~

Teacher reading my paper and then coming up to me and saying "you are going to be a writer, you know that? You have an extraordinary imagination" I always was the one who handed the paper lastly in writing. I couldn't stop(I still can't as you can see). And in 7th grade, things got weirder. My study desk in home was near a mirror. And when I looked up I saw myself. I started making up ideas, and they turned into daydreams. I had several scenarios that I was the main character in. I lipsynced~

The things I had to say in these scenarios. I sometimes stopped studying completely and daydreaming looking at the mirror. That started happening more frequently. And I now was not just daydreaming in my room, I did that everywhere I could, in the shower in school by a window, everywhere. But unlike most maladaptive daydreamers, I don't walk or do a certain thing, I most of the time just look at the mirror or look outside by a window. That is what makes me question if Im maladaptive or not.

Definitely seems like maladaptive daydreaming to me, but the main question to ask yourself is does your daydreaming have an acute impact on your day to day life? It sounds like it, but only you can answer that.

-L

[nighttimepixels]

Heyhey Night! I have a buncha questions after seeing all your animations and they're just so cool so! I hope this is ok!! Can u animate normally too, or only pixel? Not that that's bad, just wondering! What's ur preferred kinda animation? Do u prefer lipflaps or lipsyncs? What's the hardest part of the animation process?? What's ur favorite?? Any part u don't like? What's a thing people don't see that u put a lotta time into? Do u have a fave animation u've done? Thank u btw for all ur art!!

Oh stars, okay, yeah- I’m happy to answer all these!! I’ll break them up so it’s easier to read X) And awww geez thank you so much for your support, sweet anon! It really makes my day when people say they like anything I’ve made, and stars knows it’s all the more true with the sweet sweet time sink that is animation   (´•̥̥̥\\ヮ\\•̥̥̥` )

I’ll also put this under a cut since it gets a bit long :)

Can u animate normally too, or only pixel?

This one cracks me up a little, don’t worry about it XD I totally can! In fact I enjoy it a lot - and... gods, animation software is a nightmare and a half, to be honest. That’s the biggest hurdle.

I do just straight up love pixel art and the aesthetic I can achieve with it, but I do at times miss ‘normal’ (non pixel?) animation, heh. Especially sound-syncing! I do all my pixel art in Asesprite which imo is the best pixel art program, not to mention made by an actual pixel artist - buuuut it doesn’t have a sound file option. Which makes sense! Er, frankly, most pixel artists wouldn’t... use it to animate like I do? More for games, or for looping gifs? So I can’t complain much, it makes a lot of sense that it’s a low dev priority.

Now, when it comes to other animation programs... I’ve tried a lot. Unfortunately, the ones that are preferable for the feel I like are either way out of budget (stares at TVPaint in the distance) or... well, have too high a learning curve for my single-person workflow, really. (OpenToonz, sigh...) And a lot of the free programs are good for getting a start in animation, but once you get to a certain point you really feel the limitations (whether it’s workflow, sound import, exports, trying to make something more finished than a rough...).

Then... there’s animation programs I just don’t like, and a lot of those are angled towards bone-style animations (nothing wrong with those, they just don’t fit my style? and are too much time investment for a single artist to output more quickly...), or are, well, freakin’ Adobe Animate.

I... gods, I do not like Animate (formerly Flash). And I made a whole 2 minute+ animation in it a couple years ago! (It’s very rough and bad and doesn’t make sense, pfff, not gonna link it XD) It’s... clunky, and vector oriented, and freaking lines don’t go where I want them too, and it tries to predict too much?? It’s hard to put to words, gah. For me, my animation style would be much more... raster oriented. Flow, hand drawn inbetweens, yaddayadda. Animate’s great for... plenty of things, but not for that kind of animation. There are far better animators than I who make it work with freakin’ aplomb though! So really, it’s just my taste, haha.

.... Er, that got long! I’ll cut off more rambling about animation software and tl;dr boil it down to “I love animating period, but turnaround is something I have to keep in mind as a freelancer, as well as budget, and my current focus is pixel animations for a number of reasons.” X)

What's ur preferred kinda animation?

I’m not exactly sure what this one means! Between pixel and non-pixel? Er, they both have their pros and cons, so I couldn’t say! But if I have to break down my current animations into categories, I’d say I have cutscenes, loop environments, and the broad game-like animations...

The first would be something like this animation feat. teasing Edge, the second would be something like this one with skesgo’s Starlan and Cinnamon, and the third is... everything else! From headsprite loops to ‘small’ characters running and so on.

Honestly, they’re all a lot of fun for different reasons! Cutscenes are generally the most challenging, but they give me the chance to push my limits and try and pull off something cool, whether I’m having to conserve frames (to keep the cost of a commission down) or whether I’m going more all out (which is a pricey commission, or a fun personal project, lol).

Loop environments are their own challenge - it may not look like it, but I put a lot of thought into how to make them look as natural as possible! From timing of talking characters, to where to place a blink, to exactly how many frames it’ll take to ‘soften’ a motion (so people aren’t just snapping between major poses) and so on - it takes... a lot of time to animate even simple scenes well, so I do a lot of mental math on how I can keep things affordable when someone approaches me for a commission. And frankly, I totally undercharge;; but I do my best!

Game-like animations are just fun. They range, they’re silly, to intense (I’ve animated fight animations before for game concepts), to indulgent, and beyond! Headsprites are always a delight, especially if I get to push the expression X) and I love tiny things (I mean... I am a pixel artist...) so getting to make lil tiny babs even just walking can be fun - and also, a lot more time consuming than you might thing, esp if you wanna make it smooth, like this lil Frisk I did last month or so:

Do u prefer lipflaps or lipsyncs?

oTL

B... both??

Okay, lipsyncing basically is very time consuming. AND, I freakin’ love it. I love puzzles, and when it boils down to it, that’s what super fun & expressive lip syncing is (some Ghibli animations are the heckin’ best for this)...

and, I’m a pixel artist, without sound-syncing capabilities in her main art program oTL Yeah, I can export frames and line them up and check but... gods, it’s so time consuming. I’ve tried it out of desperation - but for even five seconds of sound (sayyyyy a lil Vine...) that’s hours upon hours of transferring back and forth just to check.

So even though I love lipsyncs, they’re too time-consuming (and ergo, if I’m being commissioned, often too expensive) to do often! Someday I’d like to get back to doing them more often, but for now, practically I stick to/’prefer’, in the loosest terms, to do lipflaps. For the layman, this is that ‘two frame’ (maybe three) open-closed style of animating mouths- however, I’m working on ways to keep that style, but make it more expressive! It depends on the project - and in commissions, I’ll pretty much always prioritize giving the client a little more body animation than mouth animation, unless it’d really fit what they’ve requested.

What's the hardest part of the animation process??

.... damn, this is a tough one! Sometimes I’d say it’s the initial concept work - but it depends on what I have to work with. Sometimes that parts a breeze - and honestly freeing, bc I can take the time to try and push what I’ll do with it!

Roughing is one of my favorite parts, tbh. It can be tricky, sure, but getting to go from keyframes to in-betweens & smears to adding the flairs of secondary motion (think hair swishing, or coats flaring, etc) is so exciting and satisfying.

From there it’s all refining, and tweaking...

Hm. Honestly, the hardest is probably the initial cleanup and lining. It’s cool to see it come together, but it feels so much slower, and it can drag - and then you find bits that actually don’t translate well from the rough stage, so you have to go back and rework, and oof it can just drag in this phase, heh. Plus, I’m always tempted to add more frames, but it’s not always realistic - I’m a perfectionist, to say the least, so I’m constantly having to leash myself back so I don’t turn a project into a half-a-year undertaking, pff.

What's ur favorite??

Probably gave myself away talking about the roughing stage X) It’s just loose and fun and free! But seeing it all come together is also damn satisfying too, so that’s not to say I don’t like the refining portions either...

Outside of that, I also really like the beginning of the color stage! .... Before having to translate shadows/highlights to each and every frame *shudders*. That gets tedious, but it’s so critical! Anyways, though, I heckin’ love colors. I always have a rough palette in mind at the start of the process, but I go ham and play with it as a little break and a true test when I get to actual slap together a full frame with full color, highlights/shadows included! It’s exciting, like a preview of the finished product, basically :D

Any part u don't like?

Heh, by the time I get to shadows/highlights, I tend to be getting impatient, I suppose. It’s not that I don’t like it - I definitely highly value it, and if it was the only thing I was working on in an animation that’d be different, but as a one-woman team I’m just raring to be done at that point; it’s very nearly the last thing I do, after all, so it’s a struggle to focus. X)

I suppose one that always gets me is more complicated backgrounds. It’s a work in progress, as I’m getting better and finding the fun in them for sure! But I’m still not where I want to be in translating ‘background concept’ to ‘finished background’ - it feels more stiff than my animations, I guess. So it’s a frustrating part... but hey, it’s part of it! And learning to embrace the challenge is a big help.

... I just always have to make sure I have a big cup of coffee and a good jam playlist going when I sit down to do ‘em, in the meantime.(=▿= ||||)

What's a thing people don't see that u put a lotta time into?

Definitely the coloring. This goes for both backgrounds and the animated characters themselves. It’s... never as simple as it looks? It’s time consuming, and while some parts of frames can be copy-pasted, I also put subtle work into the animations that mean that some pixels are off so it ends up being marginally faster to just recolor, but then there’s shadows, and working in pixels means that if I miss one then there’s a flickering pixel mid-animation, and sometimes there’s an unconnected line and then you bucket fill the whole damn thing, and gods know I’ve got colored lines so I have to be exacting with keeping the same ratios highlighted vs darker in shifting frames...

*deep breath*

... Yeah, basically the coloring is super time consuming. And balancing bg coloring with animated elements in the image itself is a whole extra challenge on top of that. For 99% of my animations, I can damn near guarantee I’ve spent at least twice as much time coloring it as I have animating it.

Do u have a fave animation u've done?

*looks at my goblin hoard of animations in horror like I’ve been asked to choose a favorite child*

... Stars above, I can’t choose! I love them all, and at this point a good portion of them are commissions- it wouldn’t feel right to choose!

*...carefully covers the hoard’s metaphorical ears*

... also, that said, I can admit a soft spot for any of them that involve humor. I tend to get to do extremely expressive faces and action there, even if I have to ration the frames, so it turns out really fun X)

And though rough and I’ve definitely done stuff I’m more proud of, I still crack up at this one I did a while back of the nonsense ‘ass’ joke between Red & Stretch... their faces were too much fun XD I’ve gotten waybetter since then though, Big Oof, I see so many things I can fix; might go back and redo it someday.

Honestly, though, I just freakin’ love animating! They all have their ups and downs andI always put a lot of love into them and find a way to have fun with it and try to push any emotion/theme (when applicable). I like to think it shows, but idk, that’s something I have to leave up to you guys X)

[artificialqueens]

Blind (Trixya) - DenDenMonMon

Summary: Plot twist: Alaska is the one that can see Katya from her backyard.

A/N: First and foremost I want to clarify that characterization is EXTREMELY important to me, and, even when the idea came to my mind some time ago, I didn’t even start writing the story until I did my proper research. I wrote and re-wrote this so many times, trying to make the characters as close to real as possible, and I’m not even sure if I got them right. Nonetheless, this is a Trixya fic, so that’s where my main focus is going to be. No disrespect to any of the queens, especially Miss Alaska. Hopefully she’s not so OOC that you guys will want to burn me alive. Massive thank you to everybody who helped make this story even postable. They are the true heroes. Enjoy!

AO3 Link

Blind

“No, those go over there! Ohmygod!”

Alaska runs a hand across his forehead, exasperated. Why is he even allowing people to help him? It’s not so hard to organize a simple party, he has done it before just fine. He shouldn’t be running around the place, so late in the day, making sure the house looks good.

There’s still so much food to get ready, and he hasn’t even started cooking. Everything should be set to receive the Drag Race girls that will be visiting his place tonight. He has organized the reunion so they can watch the finale of the current season. As far as he knows, nobody is watching anymore. Sure, they are all working and touring and whatnot, and not all of them were super obsessed fans right from the start like he’s always been, but they could at least support the show that–

Oh, no! That goes in the dining room!

It takes him the entire day but, by some point in the afternoon, when people start to arrive, the place looks somewhat presentable.

The first one to walk through the door is Bianca, all smiles and big teeth.

“Hieeeeeee!”

“Hello, Lasky!”

Alaska studies him shamelessly. He’s wearing jeans, a simple black t-shirt but a bright purple suit jacket on top. “Ooh, I like it!” Alaska decides out loud as he runs his fingers on the lapel. “I mean, it’s not animal print, but I like the color.”

Bianca laughs as he pulls him into a hug. “Of course you do, you stupid whore. This cost more than your entire house…” Alaska is sure his insult is supposed to be much longer but, as Bianca looks around the empty living room, his thought process stops. “Wait. I’m the first one here? Oh, no. I gotta get out of here.”

It’s betweens laughs and giggles that Alaska stops him from turning around, his mood already getting lighter. “No, no, no. You have to stay!”

They sit in the living room and Bianca tells him all about the Australian leg of his tour; shares stories of dirty dressing rooms, and crowds that would eat up anything he would feed them. Alaska can actually feel the excitement and happiness exuding the man sitting next to him. Something warm fills him as he listens to the beautiful adventures of one of the most successful drag queens to this day, who happens to be a close friend. Bianca is having the time of his life, traveling the world and taking advantage of the amazing platform that the show gave him. This is what drag should be all about. It should bring people happiness and make them enjoy life just as much as Bianca is doing right now.

The conversation has moved on to Alaska’s new album when the doorbell rings again. He opens the door to a lesbian Courtney in all her glory. She is wearing boy’s clothes but her face is fully painted and she is sporting a high ponytail.

One by one, and with only a few minutes between them, is that his friends start arriving. Alyssa is all legs in a tiny pair of shorts, he barrels in, rearranging the furniture that Alaska spent the entire day putting into place. Willam gets there and immediately takes over the kitchen, making sure the snacks are just the way he likes them. As soon as Adore crosses the door, he jumps to sit with Bianca, saying how much he’s missed his dad. Ginger brings his husband, surprising absolutely nobody. Kim Chi arrives alone, though, which prompts Alaska to ask him about Trixie.

“I thought you were coming together.” His statement comes out more like a question.

Kim shrugs as he drops a box of pastries on the coffee table. “He wanted to make sure the other Brian came, so he went to pick him up.”

The show hasn’t started yet. Nobody is paying attention to the TV as the queens start to loudly talk over one another, sharing stories and simply catching up after so long without seeing each other. As he chats away with the group, Alaska welcomes with gratitude the smile that takes residency on his face. He loves it, every second of it. His living room is filled with laughter and he’s letting the moment envelope him whole. He had really missed his friends and having most of them finally reunited after so long feels like a dream.

“How dare you start this party without me?!”

All eyes shoot up at the sound of the familiar moaning. Right after the anything but graceful words of greeting, there’s a loud scream that can only mean Tracy Martel is in the house. The wheezing sound that follows simply confirms that the duo is completed. Without failure, Trixie and Katya walk in holding hands.

If the place had been fun before, now it’s completely pulsing with life.

The loud laughter that Trixie and Katya add to the mix is gladly welcomed by everybody. The sounds are piercing and annoying, and Alaska can’t help but hate to love them. His relationship with each of them is significantly different. He loves both Trixie and Katya a great deal individually; but when they are together, it’s as if a new side of them comes out and lights up the entire room. By themselves they are both amazing people, helpful friends, and incredible artists; as a duo, they are nothing but light. Just like now, they arrive and are injecting joy into the little reunion right away.

Alaska observes how they go around greeting people, giving hugs and kissing cheeks, but never letting go of each other’s hands. They sit close together on a couch and it’s impossible not to get a smile on his face at their interactions. He loses himself in their antics and, even when he is supposed to be paying attention, soon he has no idea where the conversation around him is going. It takes a moment for him to reconnect to the reality of the chatting happening around him.

“Yeah, I’m still sleeping on that mattress.” Courtney pops a piece of brownie in her mouth as she shrugs. “Shit happens.”

“Oh, bitch!” Katya exclaims. “I shitted all over the bed!” There’s something almost kinda sounding like pride in his voice. His hand lands on Trixie’s knee, and squeezes hard as the memories come back to him. “That medicine was rotted. That whole situation was so disgusting. You suck one dick in P-town and it’s suddenly STD-land.”

Trixie’s high pitch scream of a laugh is heard right after. “I told you! You just wouldn’t believe it.”

One of Katya’s teen girl voices takes over and his hand brushes imaginary hair off his shoulder. “Why don’t you ever allow me to make my own mistakes? Ugh, you never let me be my true self.”

The whole group burst out laughing. It takes them a few seconds to calm down but, once they do, almost as if on cue, they hear the voice of RuPaul coming from the speakers of the sound system. The chairs they’ve pulled from the dining room, and the few couches in the living room, are enough for all the guests to comfortably take a seat as the show starts.

“This better be good,” Bianca warns as his arms cross on top of his chest.

Adore slaps him on the arm playfully. “Shut up, man. You are gonna love it!”

Michelle Visage’s voice travels through time and space and welcomes them to the show. Everyone in the living room goes quiet. Alaska makes sure to move and take the seat next to Trixie. He needs by his side someone that has for sure being watching the show.

Alyssa criticizes the dance intro, complaining about the lack of technicality and how the queens of this season seem to have no sense of rhythm. Alaska has to laugh with a tiny roll of his eyes.

The girl has only watched this one episode and is already making assumptions.

As if everybody has decided to take on their area of expertise, Courtney right away judges the wigs and Kim Chi points out all the flaws on the girls’ makeup. Alaska just can’t keep his mouth shut when they wear such horrible nails!

Three by three the eliminated queens get to see their highlights of the season. They answer questions from the public and share not so hidden situations that took place behind the scenes. Except for Ginger’s husband, everybody else in Alaska’s living room has gone through that process; they know what really happened, what was most likely produced, and which storylines were forced for the sake of the show. Maybe that’s the reason why, as the audience gasps at the revelation of a secret, nobody reacts on this side of the screen. The queens only partially watch the show, too busy talking about the challenges and how different they were on other seasons. They comment on the outfits and condemn the most horrible garments to ever walk the main stage. The quick recap they get to see of the season is not enough for all of them to fully understand why the top three actually deserve to be there. Ru’s decisions are questioned as the eliminations are presented to them.

When they reach a particular lipsync, between two of the fan favorites, Trixie softly whispers. “You know, I thought she was gonna stay,” he says without really looking at Alaska, but his head tilts in his direction. One of his hands rests on the back of the couch, his arm almost around Katya’s shoulders. The other hand is on top of his crossed leg, which Alaska has noticed Katya squeezes whenever there is something exciting happening on the screen.

Alaska forces his eyes to move up from the touching hands to see the side of Trixie’s face. “I know!” He purposely drawls his last word for emphasis. “She didn’t deserve to go that night. I like that dress, a lot. I liked the mix of colors and textures. The outfit was amazing. When she wore that yellow dress, though. Girl, that was enough reason to fucking ban her from the entire show.”

Trixie’s laugh is short but loud, directing a few stares their direction. “But she killed the lipsync, though.” He points a finger to the screen just as the queen they are talking about drops into a split and starts bouncing on the floor.

“Oh, c’mon,” Katya suddenly butts in. “You call that a killer lipsync? Momma, I’ll show you what it’s like to pound your pussy so hard against the ground the whole Earth moves.”

Just as he’s finishing that sentence he starts going down between the couch and the coffee table. His legs spread slowly and his arms go up in the air as he exaggerates what can only be his attempt to be sexy. Half of his tongue comes out to rest on his parted lips, in a way that has become a signature expression for both Trixie and Katya. Everybody starts cheering and throwing imaginary money as he pauses half of the way down, spreading his legs a bit more then stopping again. He shows how he is always fully in control of his muscles.

“Move on, girlie!” Alyssa is suddenly pushing away the coffee table to stand right next to Katya. “Let me show you what a real split looks like.”

The TV has gone to commercials and all eyes are on the show being put up in the middle of the room. Except for one particular set of eyes. As everybody laughs and screams, fully entertained by both queens, Alaska can’t help but notice how Trixie’s stare is fixated on Katya. It’s like every move is being carefully registered in his brain. More than amusement, there’s something closer to adoration reflecting in his eyes and Alaska suddenly has an idea.

Sure, everybody has joked about their relationship before, how Trixie and Katya are pretty much two halves of the same idiot by this point, or how they resemble an old married couple. They have always brushed it off, laughing at the jokes, going along with them. Never accepting but never denying anything. So tonight, as he has them right here, close and personal, Alaska is going to get to the bottom of this whole ordeal. That is now his mission of the night.

An hour later Ru is giving the sceptre to a girl whose hair is too high to wear a crown. There’s a new member of the drag family; a girl that they don’t know but have to welcome with open arms, almost as true siblings. Alaska watches her go up and down the runway with fake excitement. The true footage, with her real reaction at some bar, will probably be posted tomorrow. A new program starts and the TV loses everybody’s attention. Still, Alaska can’t stop thinking about his duty towards the new sister. He should try to get her number at some point, get to know her, make her feel welcome. He needs to at least check Wikipedia in a couple of days, when it’s updated. But that’s a task for another day, he needs to concentrate on the one at hand tonight.

Katya has his legs across Trixie’s lap by now. His head rests on Ginger’s shoulder as he laughs silently but uncontrollably. That’s probably Alaska’s favorite laugh of his, when he gets so excited that no sound comes out of his mouth. Trixie joins him briefly, three loud and annoying seconds of his signature laughter and he’s back to serious. Nobody is surprised and the conversation continues to a topic that Alaska has lost again.

His eyes can only focus on the way Trixie’s hand goes up and down Katya’s calf, pretty much absentmindedly. His black jeans ride up ever so slightly to the movement but nobody seems to mind.

“You’ll be the first one to go, you useless cunt!” Bianca’s harsh comment makes Alaska look at him.

Trixie laughs harder, throwing his head back before putting on fake confidence. “What are you talking about? I’m a skinny legend!” His hands land on his hips and his shoulders shimmer, sending everybody into fits of laughter.

Alyssa shakes a finger in the air. “But, you see, you are not a resourceful woman.”

As they all listen to the explanation following that statement, Trixie drops his hand back on Katya’s shin.

“Don’t touch me,” Katya whispers, it’s quick and sudden, as if Trixie’s palm hadn’t been there for the last ten minutes.

It was literally just there!

Trixie doesn’t say a thing back, though, he simply moves his hand and lets it rest on his own stomach.

“This bitch right here, she would be dead within the first hour.” Trixie pushes his chin in Katya’s direction.

“Plot twist, Momma, I’m already dead.” He points his index finger to Trixie, the tone of his voice matter-of-factly.

The whole room burst out laughing again and Alaska welcomes that warm feeling in his heart one more time. This is the sisterhood he always dreamed about, this is the type of people he wants to surround himself with; smart, talented, funny people who can make fun of each other, rolling with the punches and laughing carelessly from the bottom of their lungs.

Kim rolls his eyes. “Why do you always end up talking about zombie apocalypses?” Even when he’s trying to sound annoyed, there’s no malice in his delivery. Plus, it’s hard to take him seriously when that last word proves to be nearly impossible for him to pronounce.

Trixie sits up straight, thumb pointing to a laughing Katya. “Because this bitch smells like dead already! Makes me wonder if other dead creatures will come and try to collect her.”

“They are gonna think we are hiding their fucking queen bee!” And just as the thought leaves his mouth is when Alaska realizes he has been sucked into his observations for too long. This is so unlike him. Hopefully, nobody else has noticed how quiet he’s been. Hopefully, between Alyssa’s energy filling up the room and Bianca not allowing the conversation to die for even one minute, nobody has noticed how little Alaska has been bringing to their discussions. Hopefully, triggering Trixie to yell ‘honey’ nonstop, with the sole mention of bees, is enough to distract all attention from him.

Ginger turns to Katya, stopping him mid-conversation. “I need a cigarette, care to join me outside?”

Katya nods.

Trixie takes a hold of his arm. “I don’t think you should go.” His tone is severe, leaving no room for discussion.

Nobody is really paying attention to them. Willam is telling a story about a guy whose dick was so small he covered it whole when his hand closed into a fist. Alaska is actively conversing with the rest, but the corner of his eye is focused on the situation evolving on the other side of the couch.

“Don’t let him tell you what to do. You can do whatever you want.”

Trixie huffs under his breath, letting go of the grip he has on Katya’s arm, but doesn’t say anything else. Their stares meet. Their eyes have a full conversation that nobody else in the room is able to understand. Their pupils do all the talking when words are not needed. Trixie finally looks away with the shrug of one shoulder, as if saying the final decision is ultimately Katya’s.

Katya looks at him for a moment longer, pondering his options, before nodding his head dramatically. “Yeah, yeah, you are right. Sorry, Minj.”

The outcome is unacceptable for Ginger. His eyes go blank, showing all the annoyance he is feeling. “You see, darling.” He turns to his husband, placing a hand flat on his thigh. His voice is filled with sarcasm, purposely thick with his southern accent. “Miss Trixie, here, is still a bit upset that I sent her home.”

“I went home because of her, which is different.” Trixie doesn’t even look at him when he speaks, he simply directs his words to the air between them. “I won the–”

He’s about to respond, but Katya wraps his fingers around Trixie’s wrist.

“Don’t.” The word comes out barely above a whisper, but Alaska manages to hear it, and so does Trixie, which is who matters.

With the tension rising, in full Kim fashion, he looks around almost confused. “When’s dinner?” The air clears to the sound of Kim’s infamous words. Laughter once again fills the room and hostility melts away instantly.

Excusing himself, Alaska makes his way to check on the food. As soon as he enters the kitchen, he notices Trixie is walking right behind him.

“Girl, what was that all about?” Alaska asks while lifting lids on the stove.

Trixie walks to the fridge, taking out a beer from the pack they brought. With a twist of his face, his shoulders shrug, dismissing the subject. “Brian wants to stop smoking. He does really well until Josh comes along. It happens every time.”

“You know…” Alaska turns around as slowly as he lets the words out. “He doesn’t need a savior. He can take care of himself just fine. It may take him some time, but he always manages to figure things out.”

Trixie brings the beer to his lips, doesn’t drink it, though, Alaska can tell as much. The movement seems more like an excuse to hide the true expression on his face. He nods instead, and hums in approval. “Mmm, yeah, I know… But, also, he’s a people pleaser. So if his best friend asks him to go for a smoke–”

He doesn’t intend to, but Alaska can’t help but laugh at his words. “Ooh, sounds like someone’s pressed.” There’s still a small chuckle accompanying his words when he continues. “You can’t still be salty about the whole best friend situation.”

There’s a small huff, an attempt to subtract importance from the subject. “Bitch, of course, no!” Trixie rolls his eyes, pretending to be exasperated. “You should all know by now that’s a lame fucking joke.” Trixie avoids Alaska’s gaze, his eyes roll before they are glued to the bottle in his hands. “I just…” The sentence dies on his lips.

This is a weird sight. Trixie Mattel is never shaky with her speech, but Alaska keeps in mind that he’s talking to Brian Firkus right now. He is talking to a man in his late twenties, wearing glasses and a floral button down shirt; the farthest stretch possible from the Barbie doll fantasy filled with confidence that walks the runways.

“I care about him a lot,” Trixie finally concludes. Then there is a heavy sigh, almost as if he is preparing himself to let the thought out. “I don’t think I have ever cared about anybody the way I do about him. And it’s fucking stupid, because I know they are his friends, but they don’t seem to care enough. Or maybe I just care too much. I just, you know, it’s hard to believe anybody can care about him like I do. Does that make sense?” He seems on the verge of embarrassment at the end of his rambling, but not there yet, that wouldn’t be on brand for him.

Brand. The brand. Miss Fame. Where is Fame now?

Alaska puts down the bowl of salad he’s been tossing since the conversation started, his bony shoulders dropping. “Okay, here’s the deal. Your friendship is the best motherfucking thing in the entire world, is that correct?”

“Basically, yeah.”

“So what does it matter what anybody else thinks? If Josh wants to believe Brian’s his best friend, fucking let him. Katya is an excellent drag queen, and I look up to her immensely; but Brian is a deliriously amazing human, such a genuinely nice person, and he’s been there for every single one of us when we needed him. He can be everybody’s best friend, but who is his best friend? When things went south for him, he asked everybody to step back, we did, we gave him space. Everybody but you. You stayed there, like, not there-there, ‘cause you still respected him, but you went through the fire with him. We kinda felt… relief, maybe.” The last couple of words come out more as a question, asking himself if they convey his true feelings on the matter. “He kinda, like, freed us from the responsibility, and we just waited for the dust to settle. You fought the fucking fight with him. Nobody can take that away from you.”

Trixie’s eyes look glassy, Alaska is not sure if that’s caused by her words or if it’s just the light hitting the transparent glasses. Since he has said his peace, and hoping that Trixie will understand where he’s coming from, he decides to light up the mood.

“So, if you have an issue with gay Danny DeVito over there, just bring it right to his busted face!”

The unmistakable Trixie screams comes out, it lasts only a second before he whispers a small thank you.

Alaska can see Willam and Katya making their way to the kitchen, most likely wondering why they are taking so long or, less likely, wanting to help.

Change the subject, now!

Without even thinking about it, he goes for a safety net and pretends they are talking about something else.

“She was robbed!” He exaggerates an infuriated growl, causing a laugh from Trixie and a confused look from the men entering the room.

“Why are you talking about me?” Katya quickly asks, his own words causing him to laugh hysterically.

Willam slaps him on the arm playfully. “They are clearly talking about Shangela, right Trix?”

“You fucking cunt,” Trixie replies with a chuckle as everybody else screams with laughter. The subject is put to rest as each of them grab something from the counter and take it to the dinner table.

It’s a pleasant scene they walk into, the seats around the table are almost completely filled and people chat amicably. Alaska stays a couple of steps behind, basket of bread in hand, and scans the room carefully. The only word that comes to his mind is: grateful. He could be feeling a lot of things at the moment, but the strongest of them all is an enormous sense of gratitude. He’s happy for the smallest of things that had to fall into place for him to be standing right here, right now. He’s thankful he auditioned for the show as many times as he needed to, for the amazing people he got to meet, for every mistake and every lesson. Most of all, he’s glad he stopped doing fucking coke. A sigh physically leaves his body as he, once again, allows into his mind all that he lost during those years. He wouldn’t have been able to enjoy simple gatherings like this one if he had still followed that dangerous path of self destruction.

Now, as he admires the smiles on his friends’ faces, lit by the soft yellow light above them, he understands that everything he had to go through happened for a reason. He can appreciate the beauty of this moment, because he has experienced the exact opposite. And that’s a place he doesn’t wish to go back to, ever.

“Okay, bitches, be quiet,” he addresses the room, pulling the chair at the head of the table. He blinks slowly a couple of times before he starts his speech. “Ladies, gentlemen, nonbinary people, and everyone in between, I want to thank you all for coming, for making time in your ass tight schedules.” There’s a round of laughter following his words. “Before I get all emotional, and in touch with the feelings I don’t have–”

“Not since the accident,” Katya interrupts from his seat at the other end.

The chuckles subside after a couple of seconds, allowing Alaska to continue. He shares a couple of stories of how things used to be and notes how much they have grown up and grown closer together with the passing of time. After a few jokes, anecdotes, and heartfelt thank yous, he invites his guests to start their meal.

“And if you are wondering what’s the soup of the day… it’s Vivienne Pinay!”

It is in cheerful laughter that people start serving themselves, filling their plates with the available food at the center of the long table.

Alaska takes his seat. His plans for the night didn’t include a seating arrangement. He has Bianca on one side and Courtney on the other. Several people separate him from the couple he’s supposed to keep an eye on, the same couple that inevitably has sat together on the other end of the table. He observes them from afar. Trixie talks to Willam, meanwhile, Katya takes the bowl directly in front of him and places some salad on both his plate and Trixie’s. As soon as he’s done, and without stopping the conversation, Trixie takes the ice cubes out of his lemonade and puts them in Katya’s glass. The moves seem almost automatic, like a well rehearsed dance. They don’t really need to think about them.

During his observations, Alaska is halfheartedly listening to the conversation happening around him, which has now moved on to politics. The topic alone is enough to remove his attention from the couple now fighting over a baby carrot, and focus completely on the matter at hand. He’s commenting here and there as he chews on romaine lettuce, and it isn’t until Adore starts sharing the story of a friend that he gets fired up.

“She was fucking attacked, man,” Adore says as he waves his fork in the air. “Right there in the middle of the street. How fucked up is that?”

Those words are enough of a trigger for Alaska.

“I just don’t get it! Like, how can you be so fucking mad at someone just because you don’t understand them?” A part of him knows his taking it too far, but he can’t help but feel so strongly about it. “Just because someone is different from you, they don’t deserve your respect? It’s such a waste of energy to be pissed off at, like, nothing. Fucking exhausting!”

Alaska’s rant ends with a push of his plate. He’s suddenly not hungry anymore.

“Aren’t you doing the same thing, though?” Courtney offers casually, her lips wrapping around the rim of the glass in her hand for a moment. “You are wasting your energy being mad at the haters. There really is not much of a difference.”

Is she even serious?

The condescendant twist of her lips is what does it. Alaska doesn’t want to be part of that conversation anymore. Instead of firing back, he gets up, bringing his glass with him, and walks to sit on the end of the table. The vibe is completely different on this side. Everybody is laughing and the atmosphere isn’t charged with political statements.

“I just don’t see the point of it.” Katya groans frustrated. “It really is pointless.”

Trixie looks at him, as if he couldn’t believe the words that just came out of his mouth. “Are you fucking kidding me? It’s the most basic human thing. It’s, like, essential to your well-being.”

Katya’s fork picks up a few stranded peas and he drops them on Trixie’s plate before continuing. “I just don’t see what’s so good about sleeping. It’s, I don’t know, this amount of hours that you just… lose! There are so many things I could be doing with my life but, no, my body must go into - into airplane mode and do - not even its most basic functions. I’m just lying there, doing nothing. The only use I see for it, is to practice for when you are dead. There is no other reason, really. Like, get, umm, you know, get your body used to being, like, dead.” His hands go all over the place as he’s talking, trying to explain what he can’t fully put into words. He seems almost apologetic, but the people around him simply chuckle at his rambling that is so unmistakably Katya. “Oh, my god. I could go on and on about this.”

“You did,” Trixie says between small laughs. “You literally just did.”

The wheezing noises leaving Katya are enough to have them all laughing hysterically right along with him. He pushes Trixie slightly, who doesn’t seem to mind at all.

“Shut up, you dumb bitch. Just because you sleep like a bear–”

“A bear?!” Trixie interrupts him in surprise. “Are you calling me a bear? Is that a read?”

Katya laughs for just a second before pretending to be shocked. “Read? I don’t like to read. I actually don’t know how to read. I’m illiterate and I’m cool with that.”

“Oh my God!” Alaska can’t help but finally intervene, drawling the last word as he waits for the people around him to calm back down. “It feels like I’m watching one of your fucking YouTube episodes. Do you ever, like, turn that shit off?”

The pair looks at each other, their eyes are glued to the other’s, and they mirror silly smiles as they let a slow but firm no leave their mouths at the same time.

“It’s like they share one brain,” Willam agrees. “Is there anything else you have shared?” The sexual connotation is evident, which pretty much is expected every time Willam opens his mouth to speak. “Cause you know, Kats and I have shared some… well, we have given some head together.”

“Yep, yep. Yep, we have.”

Trixie’s jaw is somewhere near the floor after hearing that last statement. This is not the facade he puts for the show, and this is not his exaggeration of a simple emotion either. He is fully and completely surprised by what he just heard. The wheels in his head are visibly turning, as he tries to rake his brain to make himself remember if he has heard about this before, coming up empty.

“Wait, what?”

Willam grins mischievously. “You never told her about it?”

“No!” Even when Willam’s question had been directed to Katya, Trixie is the one replying.

“I so did,” Katya assures him. “I totally told you. Didn’t I tell you?”

Trixie exhales loudly a couple of times, words getting lost before reaching his lips. “I - I think I woulda remembered the story.”

This is interesting.

Alaska’s mouth is wide open in amusement. The conversation has taken a rather entertaining turn. “What’s the story? Spill the beans, you bitch!”

A foot taps on Alaska’s chair, he turns around just to see Kim, each of his hands holding plates filled with food to the rim. “You’re on my seat.”

“Girl, can we switch for just a moment? I’m about to hear a nasty story here.”

Kim rolls his eyes but does it anyway, not without mumbling insults under his breath that nobody really seems to catch.

Willam is the one that starts telling what happened, not really trusting Katya with articulating properly and telling the story as it actually was. It was at one of the tours, Katya had taken someone back to the dressing room, which had a wall that didn’t go all the way up to the ceiling. Willam heard them from the other side of the wall, and decided to climb over it and join the fun. The details are extensive and intensive. Willam leaves nothing out about the vulgar encounter.

Suddenly, there’s the loud sound of the legs of a chair scratching against the floor. “Imma pray for y’all tonight,” Alyssa says as he dramatically gets up from his seat. “Your nasty souls need to be touched by the hand of Jesus himself, there’s no other way to save you. I’m sorry. I can’t keep listening to this disgrace anymore.”

“Yeah, I think I’m done here too.”

Trixie follows Alyssa and they make their way to the kitchen, empty plates in hand. That doesn’t stop Willam, the story continues for a few more minutes, as if nothing had happened, until the whole tale has been told. Katya’s attention is immediately disconnected, though. His eyes are trying to focus, and his neck is craning so he can get a view of the people that just left, one in particular, Alaska dares to guess. He’s just waiting until the moment that Katya decides to go after them, he clearly wants to, but doesn’t. They all stay there, striking pointless conversation that soon includes everybody else.

Alaska receives praises for his cooking as he goes around the table, picking up everybody’s plates and taking them to the kitchen.

“That’s what I’ve always said,” Alyssa says, placing a hand on Trixie’s shoulder. “You are a person of dignity, and respect, and - and people like you are really hard to find.”

Cleaning the dishes is enough distraction for Alaska. He tunes out of the conversation happening behind him as he drops the food remainings in the trashcan, then puts the plates in the washer. It isn’t until Katya’s voice is heard that his attention refocuses.

“Can I talk to you?”

“Alrighty, then. That’s my cue to leave.” Alyssa walks away with a click of his tongue.

Trying to remain invisible, Alaska pretends to be entertained by the china he’s putting away.

“Are you mad at me?”

Alaska looks up, just in time to catch the reflection of Trixie shrugging one shoulder. The darkness outside allows the light of the kitchen to project everything that’s happening behind Alaska. For a moment, the scene feels almost invasive. He feels like he’s spying on his friends. Especially when Katya takes half a step forward, entering Trixie’s personal space, and placing a hand on his arm. No words are spoken, they just look into each other’s eyes, share soft touches here and there, play with each other’s fingers. It’s intimate. It’s private.

Leave. Get out.

With the silent excuse of taking the trash out, Alaska can’t stand the closeness anymore and leaves them alone. He exits through the back door, Hefty bag in hand, and pushes it inside the large trash container. It’s too full, he is going to hate rolling that outside in the morning. That’s a problem for future him, though. Current Alaska looks up, and is able to see through the window how Trixie shakes his head. Katya’s hands are all over the place as he clearly tries to explain something, something that Trixie has no intentions of listening to.

Trixie walks to the fridge and takes out another bottle, shaking it in front of him as his index finger points at Katya. What appears to be angry words leave his mouth. Katya doesn’t seem to be intimidated or scared, at all. He takes a hold of Trixie’s hand instead, and puts the bottle down on the counter. He brings Trixie’s hand up to his lips and kisses it. Trixie’s eyes soften instantly. There are no traces of the upset person that had taken over him just seconds ago. The change is remarkable.

It seems like Katya is the one talking now, because Trixie is simply nodding his head from time to time. Occasionally, he will shrug, which Alaska has learned to identify as his way to cover up when something is affecting him. It’s hard to understand what’s going on, but the vibe of the whole situation has clearly switched.

Katya is apparently done talking. He is looking down, his head is hanging low. That’s why he misses when Trixie purses his lips, and is just left there waiting for a kiss. When he gets no response, he taps on Katya’s shoulder to call his attention. It takes him less than a second to meet Trixie’s lips briefly. There’s a hug and small smiles adorn both their faces.

Trixie takes his bottle and walks away, leaving Katya alone in the middle of the kitchen. He sighs heavily, supports his elbows on the counter in front of him, and his head falls on his hands. His fingers massage his temples for a moment. His breathing is physically heavy, Alaska can tell as much from his spot in the backyard. He wonders if he should just walk in and comfort his friend, but he wouldn’t know how to. He has no idea what the fuck just happened inside, he wouldn’t have the right words to help ease Katya’s feelings, whatever those may be. He seems to be almost… sad?

Before Alaska can make up his mind, Katya straightens his back and turns towards the window. Alaska jumps, he basically just got caught spying on his friend; but he remembers nothing but a reflection can be seen from the other side of the glass.

Katya walks outside, his hands digging in his pockets and finding a cigarette.

“Oh, hey!” He looks surprised to find Alaska there, but it lasts for just a moment.

Maybe it’s because he knows Alaska doesn’t smoke anymore, or maybe because he still has Trixie’s words playing in his brain, either way, Katya doesn’t light the cigarette. He brings it to his lips and simply lets it rest on the corner of his mouth.

“Are you okay?” Alaska asks genuinely concerned.

“What? Oh. Yeah, sure.”

The answer comes a little too quick, Alaska is not buying it. He tilts his head to the side, and his arms wrap around his torso, indicating him that he better try again.

“What the fuck just happened in there?” He tries a more direct approach when he still gets no reply from Katya.

“Bitch, I don’t know.” He runs a hand against his bald head in frustration. “Your guess is as good as mine.”

Alaska’s eyes roll on their own accord. “You know that’s not true.” A worrying feeling suddenly invades him. “Are you guys okay? Are you fighting?”

Katya looks at him for a second too long, probably deciding if he’s the right person to let it all out to. Maybe he is wondering if he’s ready to let it all out in the first place. Most likely, he is not even sure of what the hell is going on and has no words to phrase the situation properly.

He takes the cigarette away from his mouth, toys with it for a moment, placing it between his fingers, before directing his gaze back to Alaska. “He is so confusing, you know?” There is no need for names, they know who the conversation is about. “Like, he knows I’m a whore. He knows I would literally suck any dick, any dick, even mine if I could reach it!” His hands flail around him, the white stick creating a hypnotizing line following his movements. “Sometimes he sounds, like, I don’t know, maybe, jealous? I don’t even know.”

A light chuckle escapes Alaska’s lips. “Of course he’s jealous!”

“Why would he, though?”

“Uh, maybe ‘cause you are out there sucking any dick but his?” Alaska’s sarcasm doesn’t go unnoticed.

“Bitch, I’ve tried!”

“Shut up. Not like that.”

Confusion is clear on Katya’s face. “Wha-what you mean?”

“Don’t act so surprised, girl. You know I’m right.” When the confused expression doesn’t leave Katya’s face, Alaska has to, once again, find a better way to touch the subject. “Okay, so, yeah, you know I love you both. Well, I love all of you guys, like, right now, I’m at home, I’m with my family. I am happier now than I have been in my… than I was when I was younger. I owe all of that to you guys. I know this sounds unrelated but I have a point, okay?”

A small chuckle accompanies his last words but Katya simply nods, allowing him to continue.

“I want you to feel that same amount of happiness. I know you, and I mean you, Brian, or at least I hope I do. I know you only look truly happy when he’s around, when you two are making stupid jokes and finishing each other’s fucked up sentences.”

Now it’s Katya’s turn to laugh softly.

“See, you know I’m right,” Alaska points out with a smile. “You are so guarded and so careful, hardly ever let anybody in. It took you and me to go to fucking drag war together for you to even begin to open up. Things with you and him just… are. It breaks my heart that you are so perfect for each other but have never really acted on it. That’s just… sad.”

This morning, when he was getting his house ready for the viewing - dinner party, Alaska had not planned on having this conversation. He hadn’t even been aware that he had such strong feelings about his two friends until right this moment. Now that he has opened this particular can of worms, he needs to go through with it. Judging by Katya’s reaction, this is a topic that he needs to explore as well.

With a drop of his shoulders, Katya groans frustrated. “Can I just suck his dick?”

Alaska can’t help but laugh wholeheartedly, the sound coming from the bottom of his lungs. “You could be doing that and so much more, don’t you want more than that?”

He doesn’t reply right away. Katya walks around in circles, unintelligible grunts generating at the back of his throat. “Fuck, I don’t know. I do? Maybe. It’s just… We have so much history. I would kill myself if I did something stupid again. I don’t think I could live with myself if I hurt him even one more time.”

“You are talking as if he didn’t have any saying in all of this. He’s so much stronger than you give him credit for.” Alaska’s words come out slowly, giving Katya time to absorb what he’s trying to say. “Have you talked to him about this? Have you asked him if he’s willing to give it a try?”

The huff that comes out through Katya’s nose is completely unintended. “We did talk about this… ages ago. We decided it was best to keep things as they are. Our friendship works pretty well, why change it?”

“Uh, don’t you wanna change it for something even better?”

“How can you be so sure it will be better, though?” Katya’s index finger points at Alaska, the question coming out almost as a challenge.

“I don’t!” He confesses. “I don’t fucking know; that’s the beauty of it all. You need to just fucking jump, have no expectation, no idea of how things are gonna go, and just, like, do your best and be there, and respond to things as they happen.”

The smile adorning Katya’s face is enough to make Alaska feel proud of himself. He has touched a delicate spot and he knows that, at the very least, he has planted a seed in his mind. Now it’s up to Katya to decide if he leaves it buried there, or if he nurtures it and watches it grow into something beautiful.

“When did you become such an insanely accurate witch psychologist of the heart?”

“I just… like, I used to drive myself crazy, overthinking about everything and then, one day, I decided to, like, stop.” Alaska knows that’s not enough of an explanation, but it’s all he has. “Listen, you and I specifically have been given all these fucking blessings, so many that they defy all logic. One of the very few things we are missing is someone to share them with. There are a lot of toxic fucks out there, and if you manage to find someone who is actually a good person, who is, like, willing to deal with all of this…” his long fingers point at Katya up and down, who takes no offense and laughs instead. “Then why not just go for it?”

The cigarette finally finds it rightful place in the trash can next to them. Katya stares at it for a moment, the jungle of thoughts in his mind visibly becoming untangled.

“I-I don’t know.”

“Just… would you talk to him? Would you bring the idea up and see what happens?”

Katya nods slightly. “I can’t make any promises, but I’ll try, when the time is right,” he finishes, turning around.

“When the time is right,” Alaska repeats to himself as he watches Katya walk back inside the house.

“Hey, I’ve been looking for you.”

He hears Trixie’s voice and shakes his head slightly. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but, hopefully, one day, those two morons will realize just how perfect they are together. For the time being, Alaska will just observe them from afar as they blindly fall even more stupidly in love with each other.

[rkdaehwi]

CALLBACK AUDITION PART I : PERFORMANCE

MGA5 contestant Sohn Youngjae Performing iKON -  죽겠다 ( 00:00 - 01:54 ) Outfit

“ And suddenly you know it’s time to start something new ”

The worst possible outcome would be that he didn’t even make it back to the MGAs this year. Eric had always been a young man of great confidence, but even someone like him might take a dent from rejection after rejection and failure following more failure. Had he been denied from the very get-go he might honestly have felt his world collide yet again as he was still getting back on top after his argument with his brother. There was no bad blood left between them anymore, but Eric was still jealous of the other’s trainee position and that only meant that he had to work doubly hard to make up for lost time.

But he also knew that he couldn’t just do whatever he pleased anymore. So far he had gone through life with the mindset that as long as he did what he wanted to the world was going to bend down to his feet and accept it, but that had not exactly brought him very far. It was time to step back, take a look at his experiences and evaluate what could possibly have left him with rejection thus far. His age was something he supposed, but that was not exactly something he could do anything about. Yet again he found himself amongst many adults when he went to the designated venue for the audition. There was a fear that they were going to cut him off because he was too young and inexperienced again, but the only thing Eric could do about that was to believe in himself and not let his worries show. Prove them that even someone so young could make a name for himself.

What he actually could do something about was his performance choice. In the last season he had simply stuck to one side of his abilities for that was what he knew best. Even for the triple threat challenge he had stuck to female artists. He thought it was enough to expand his repetoire with hip hop, but alas. Eric liked to tell himself that it was because his heart hadn’t been in it enough, but as expected the sourness of the aftermath still remained within him and he greatly regretted the outcome and not trying his best. At the time he had thought only TRC had been accepting auditions. He was a fool.

This time he wasn’t going to make any mistakes. If anyone saw him as a cute boy who was jumping around a bit to girl group songs he was about to wreck that image completely. Heavy eye makeup in dark colours already hinted the theme of his song choice, and if that wasn’t good enough, the harness he had acquired for the occasion would also give the image of a dark and more mature concept than he had ever shown before. If any of the judges actually took his previous performances into consideration or even remembered him, this moment was to blow them away. Hopefully at least. He’d do his absolute best and if this wasn’t enough, what even would be?

To his surprise Eric spotted many a familiar face at the venue -- Moonbok’s long hair was impossible not to take notice of, and wasn’t that Jisung over there? These bastards hadn’t even told him that they were auditioning, but then again Eric himself supposed that he hadn’t told anyone either. Not because he had any fear of the outcome but because it was more fun to keep it as a surprise. But he was still upset! He himself was excused; they weren’t. That was just how it worked!

Unfortunately they were rushed in before Eric could really get a chance to talk to any of them, but he figured he’d just hit them up later. Easily forgotten were his hyungs as the excitement built up within him the closer he got to the stage, and the moment he stepped out he could hear gasps and murmur around him: the cause clear the moment he locked eyes with the five CEOs of Korea’s biggest entertainment industries. Honestly he wasn’t too surprised -- he himself couldn’t remember how early they got involved last year, but shouldn’t it have been obvious that they would appear sooner rather than later? Well, he supposed that some people might feel extra pressure performing before them, but in the end it was no different in concept -- it was still doing a performance, get judged for it and evaluated. Pretty simple if you asked him.

Getting seated it didn’t last long before the first contestant was called to stage and the young teen could immediately feel the rush of anticipation as it all began. There was just something about watching people do their best up close that was incredibly exciting and that he could never get enough of. And he couldn’t wait for his own turn. Everyone’s eyes on him as he took the stage for two minutes and made it his own. But for now it was time to let others shine, and certainly they did.

Seeing another kid he knew the face of slide across the stage on skates had Eric almost cheer his lungs out in pure amazement. The return was not quite as elegant however, and Eric gave a loud gasp followed by a brief laughter as Haruto fell off stage. He then turned to tug the sleeve of the person seated next to him once the younger hopeful person had made his way back to his seat. “That was so cool, wasn’t it?!” he beamed at the older male even though he had never met him before and had no idea what his name was. As the other was called in later he would come to know him as ‘Suwoong’.

With every performance Eric clapped and cooed enthusiastically as if he simply couldn’t cease to be amazed, and finally his own name was called. Going to the middle of the stage, he gave a nod to all five individual judges before speaking. Always make sure to greet his seniors he thought. “My name is Sohn Youngjae, and you might remember me from my brief appearance on last season. If you don’t though, I’m gonna make sure you definitely will this time!” It might be a pretentious claim, but Eric was dead serious and he was definitely not going to hold anything back. Once the tyre screeches of his backing track sounded Eric began his performance.

It’s killing me, once again Your traces remain And they torture me It’s killing me I turned around like you’re a stranger But why am I so lonely?

The song was so far from anything he would usually listen to and like. He barely ever listened to boy groups, and when he did, it was songs with a much softer and brighter concept. Something like this was so far away from his repertoire as anything could be, but that didn’t matter. He would take even this song that was so foreign to him and make it his own.

I thought I’d be indifferent about breaking up But there’s one habit of yours that I have Not being able to throw things away Foolishly, these feelings remain Something that feels like regret Opposite from you who is doing great I’m half dead

I didn’t know the weight of this break up I was selfish, I ignored your tears

Barely even knowing what love was, Eric was only just recently starting to realise what it meant to have a crush on someone. What it meant to have feelings for someone. And the difference between a celebrity crush and an actual tangible crush. Something like a breakup was still so far away and so foreign a concept that he couldn’t really conceive the feelings behind it, but all he could do was act his way out of it through his use of tone. It had been an absolute pain recording the song beforehand with his voice as the backing just in case he had to lipsync or even just for basic support considering he had to both sing and dance. He wasn’t a professional, he needed to take everything into consideration to keep himself stable.

It’s killing me, once again Your traces remain And they torture me It’s killing me I turned around like you’re a stranger But why am I so lonely? Killing me

As the dance break after the chorus came up, for some reason a single girl popped into his mind. Come to think of it, not even Lily knew that he was going to be here today, did she? He couldn’t wait to see her reaction to his performance once it aired in television (if it even would, he had no idea how much of this would even air when it came down to it) and for a moment an involuntary smile appeared on his face that was quickly replaced with the stern expression that he had tried to maintain for the sake of capturing the mood of the song. As he thought of her, he suddenly started to imagine how it would feel if these lyrics had been about her, and somehow the thought didn’t sit quite well with him. It bothered him and he couldn’t quite understand why it did so. He tried to shrug it off as the chorus came to a close and the next part came up, for this was something he needed his full focus for.

Freedom and new relationships But behind that is an empty heart On this dark night, I’m alone again This isn’t right Her existence is such a big part of my world I try but I can’t take her out of it Once I did take her off, I broke down But I can’t tell myself to be ready to die So it’s killing me

Eric could easily have skipped the rap part. He wasn’t by any means a strong rapper although he had practiced a lot and definitely got better. Honestly speaking it would probably have been more profitable for him if he didn’t include it, but he wanted to challenge himself and show a different image from thus far. The fact that it was a more melodic rap than anything else had made it easier, but flow was still a very important thing, and it was hard to keep his mind on that at the same time as his dancing. Even more so was it difficult when he was so used to dancing with a more feminine touch to suddenly switch to masculine movements, but he had a long time to prepare considering he already had an idea how things were going to progress. There was not a lot left of the song now that he had finished the rap more or less successfully.

I didn’t know the weight of this break up I was selfish, I ignored your tears

As the music came to a close Eric sang a last “it’s killing me” and placed both hands over his throat as the choreography dictated. For a brief moment he simply stood there, chest heaving for breath now that it was over and done with. Immediately after he broke into a big smile and sent a victory sign off to the nearest camera he could spot before he jumped back to his seat with skipping steps. He had been in doubt of whether it had really been a good idea to perform something so far from his league, but now that it was actually over and done with it did feel quite good. He had done his best, and if nothing came out of it, he would definitely be disappointed.

Returning, Eric yet again returned to his seat mate and almost shook the stranger’s arm in his simple inability to control his joy. “Did you see me hyung? Hyung, wasn’t I totally cool?! I did it! I’m so happy!” He didn’t have much time to celebrate however as another familiar name was called, Moonbok stepping up to the stage to give his performance and Eric’s attention was immediately directed back to the show itself and his own attempt was already long pushed to the background with what was happening on stage taking all of his focus. “Yasssss!” he yelled eagerly as Moonbok stepped down, soon after followed by Jisung who seemed to be a wreck of nerves. “LET’S GET THIS BREAD JISUNGIE HYUNG!” he yelled at the other without thinking about it, and only afterwards did he realise how weird his sentence was and brought a mouth to his hand in an attempt to silence himself.

There was simply all too much happening at once for a young boy who just wanted to show support for those around him.

[mangaproone-a-aurita]

Drag Race Thailand EP. 3 RuCap

• Synopsis  •

Mini Challenge: ’My own fucking fairy tale’ puppet show Main Challenge: Curtain to Couture a.k.a Gone With the Window Lip Sync Song: Katreeya English’s “OK นะคะ”

• Spoilers below •

A clique has seemingly formed! B Ella, Dearis Doll and Petchara enteres the werkroom as a group together being all bright and cheerful. Amadiva rolls her eyes at them though.

Bunny B Fly went home in the previous episode. Queens react sympathetically, though they made a bit of fun of her drawing on the wall being more beautiful than her.

Queens discussed about ‘The Curse of Annee Maywong’. Person that sit by her right, by far, seemed to be sent to bottom two and went home.

Mini challenge was ‘My own fucking fairy tale’. Queens were tasked to decorate their puppets and narrate their fairy tale. It was overall pretty boring, though the material picking has some funny shade from Amadiva. Seriously, she is shaping up to be Shangela-Katya hybrid of this series!

Natalia throwing Jaja some shade, criticize her promiscuous way of being all over the pit crew. ‘She would makes LGBTQ in Thailand looks cheaper’, she said, all high and conserved like an old queen.

Dearis Doll being shady is funny as fuck. If there were a fellow queen roast challenge, she could win it.

Mini Challenge Winner: Dearis Doll, with her Evil Queen reveal puppet and apathetic magic mirror.

The main challenge was to create a nightgown from curtain fabric. Dearis Doll was the challenge winner, and got to choose the fabric first. She then chose the next queen, which chose the next and the next and etc. Amadiva was the last of the line, and she criticized Jaja for choosing Morrigan over her, though Jaja (in the confession cam though) reasoned that she chose Morrigan because Morrigan was pretty much in a disadvantage, being young and inexperienced, so she thought she should give Morrigan some lift.

There’s not much in the werkroom. Annee admitted that Natalia was her biggest competition. Amadiva revealed she hot-glued her couture and afraid it could fall apart at any minute. Morrigan expressed her difficulties working with one heavy fabric and one tulle.

Before the runway, there was an interesting incident. Remember ‘The Curse of Annee Maywong?’. B Ella, who would sit by her right, came to the room late and got her make up moved to the other side of the desk. The person who was sitting by Annee’s right was Dearis Doll.

Well, it’s just some silly make up thing, right? Curses are not real.

Let’s skip to the runway.

Jaja

Serving Manila Luzon got thrown in Thai dirtiest canal and left to die realness.

The real gag was that it has a cup holder! (Amadiva joked to her beforehand that her upside-down dress looked like it could hold a cup of coffee, and she proceed to do just that!)

My opinion is that her idea was good, but her execution was bad. It’s the clash of colors and, while fun, lack elegance of the theme.

Morrigan

Crying second place pageant realness. Look at how fishy she is!

She got read harshly due to her dress’ similarity with a design of a famous brand in Thailand. it being super super boring, her walk lacked strength and posture, her hair being messy and her make up being unfitted for her pageant theme. ‘No pageant would wear glitter on her face!’ the co-host Pangina said.

My opinion is that it is pretty basic. A safe pretty choice which ultimately feels boring compared to other girls’.

Annee Maywong

Fall collection next door crazy aunt couture realness. Her runway game is very strong.

The ruveal, because bitch I got these hand-sewn pleated flowers and you should appreciate them!

My opinion is that WERK BITCH WERK. The judges were 10 across the board. By the way if there ever will be a comedy challenge I wonder if she would fare well. They were 3 consecutive runway/look challenge at this point.

Dearis Doll

(Just realized I’ve been capturing pic in 480p, i’m sorry guys! From this point onward it’s gonna look better probably)

Serving your president secret lover cocktail party realness

She said she planned to be simple, but looked at the other girls and realized they were going full fancy gown, so she did a last-minute step up and put many pearls on her.

Still, she got read for her basic look, it still convey curtain-ness, and pretty much no judge would want to wear it. Those pearl did nothing to alleviate the situation, even worsened it because judges didn’t get why it was there and made the look even more confusing. 

Natalia Pliacam

Cinderella rummage sale with her mice friend realness

While the judges praised her way of adapting those curtain hanging hoops into the look and knowing what works for her, she was criticized for using the same silhouette AGAIN, being another ball gown. She was also read for her diamond top clashing with the dress.

Let’s see whether she would be Honey Mahogany or Bianca del Rio.

Amadiva

Sulfuric origami geisha realness

She was praised for her creativity and the ability to make it not look like a curtain, but was read for playing safe and being not very exciting. Still, Amadiva admitted that her sewing skill was not good and managed to hot glue this couture out of yellow curtains, and I personally find this to be my favorite

You dressed to school VS You dressed to your friend’s

B Ella

Queen of Heart’s Rise Like a Pheonix at Eurovision realness

While her attitude was praised, her look was read for being ‘a piece of fabric wrapped around a corset’. Feathers and fabric pattern were also rather unfitting for what she was trying to narrate. It was a mess and not a hot one.

Petchara

AS3 Flower Power realness

It was beautiful but very clunky and confusing, and was another ‘a piece of fabric wrapped around a corset’ style. She was criticized that, while her dressmaking skill was great and her dress was gorgeous, her overall style was lacking and all over the place.

There was a rather nasty tirade from a guest judge, declaring that the girls were not stepping up their game and that she was disappointed.

So, who would be in the top and the bottom?

In the untuck room, they discussed about who would be in the top. They pretty much agreed that Annee and Natalia would be on top. B Ella prepared to lip sync confidently, pocketing a scissors to cut her corset. She was rather sure to be the bottom. Dearis said that, if she would to go lip sync, that pretty much confirmed ‘The Curse of Annee Maywong’

Main Challenge Winner: Annee Maywong she-can-do-no-wrong High: Jaja and Amadiva Low: B Ella Bottom 2: Morrigan and Dearis Doll

Jaja got possessed by Shannel and expressed her frustration of being only high but not winning. Amadiva, in contrast, was absolutely happy she was safe. 

The Lip Sync

FINALLY, after a rather lackluster two lipsync, we got the gem we deserve!

‘Fuck these pearls got me in the bottom!’

Dearis channels her fierceness and will to survive is my aesthetic

Morrigan went for cute, but can she compete with Dearis’ energy?

*actual dialogue, paraphrased*

Dearis: “I want to elegantly lip syncing on my heels, with my flowing dress”

She tripped, but since when did that stop anyone?

Trend Alert: Lip syncing while unbuckle your shoes realness

FUCK THESE DRESS TOO!

B Ella said from the side ‘Bitch do the cartwheel!’, so

But Morrigan would not go out so easily. She had her plan.

Caption this

MORRIGAN’s SLIDE

The visual representation of my two faces

Morrigan foreshadowed her fate

THE FIRST DEATH DROP OF DRAG RACE THAILAND!

End pose: ‘All the creation, give me strength!’ realness

It was very intense, but Dearis pretty much killed it.

And our youngest contestant had to be sashay’d after her 2nd bottom 2

But wait! It’s actually Morrigan’s birthday (that day of filming)! So she got a surprise happy birthday, and it was very warm and emotional, even though being eliminated on your birthday would be the worst present ever

She promised she would improve and never stop growing!

And that’s conclude this episode. Tune in next week for the next episode of Drag Race Thailand. Tell me whether you’d like me to do the previous two episode as well! i’m gonna go back to rigging and contemplate my life, bye!

[sidespidey]

Deck the Halls- Harrison Osterfield

Authors notes: OH BOY has it been a while since I’ve posted a piece of writing wow! Is it too early for Christmas fics?!? I hope not bc I’m feeling festive. I kinda came up with this while I was decorating my house with my family and now here we are. Like I said its been some time since I’ve written so I’m sorry if this is trash, but I’m always open to some constructive criticism! I hope all you lovelies enjoy! 

Word Count: 1557 (oops)

Warnings: pure fluff dw

You loved winter. The cold weather called for days inside cuddled under a blanket with hot chocolate, reading a book or watching your favourite movie. Your boyfriend Harrison also loved winter, but he’d rather spend it another way. He’d drag you out from under the blankets on the day of the first snowfall to catch snowflakes on your tongues and attempt to make snowmen with the little snow that fell. Although your feelings towards how you wanted to spend winter were different, you could both agree that the best part of the season was Christmas.

You both loved Christmas. As soon as Remembrance Day had passed, you two would be found hand-in-hand with Christmas flavoured drinks traveling shop-to-shop gathering decorations for your shared apartment. You’d be out finding the ugliest matching Christmas sweaters and taking cute pictures for Christmas cards to send to your friends and family. You thought the idea of Christmas cards was cheesy, but Harrison convinced you that everyone loved them.

Since you started dating, you made a tradition amongst yourselves of buying each other a tree ornament that reminded you of each other. They had to stand out from the generic ornaments you both brought from home however, so each year two new creative ornaments would be placed on the tree on Christmas Day. 

The ornament exchange was a sort of competition between you and Harrison. You competed with each other to see who could find the best ornament, Harrison normally winning because he would find you a unique one during his travels with Tom, practically dragging him and Harry to any store he thought could have ornaments. This year would be different though. You went all out and spent the money on getting Harrison an ornament decorated with a picture of you and Monty, both dressed up in Christmas sweaters and reindeer antlers that you had taken while he was away on press tour. The two of you continued through the mall, picking up new decorations to spread around your apartment. Harrison grabbed a few strands of new christmas lights to put on the tree, claiming that “the tree needs to shine brighter than your smile love”.

“I think that’s enough haz,” you told him after almost 3 hours of looking at decorations, “we have enough decorations to cover every inch of the apartment” you laugh as your boyfriend pouts. “That’s the whole point (Y/N), as the saying goes, the more the merrier” he says while winking, placing a kiss to your forehead. You look up into his blue eyes, feeling a blush rise to your cheeks just like when you two first started dating. “But baby, i’m tired and my feet hurt” you whine, knowing that it is impossible for Harrison to say no to you.  “Alright let’s go, i want to spend the rest of the night putting all our new decorations up” he says, grabbing your hand with his free one as you walk out to your car.

Spending the night putting up decorations is exactly what you did. Once you returned home, Harrison fixed you both up a cup of hot chocolate while you gathered all the decorations into the living room. It’s not long until Christmas music can be heard throughout your apartment, dancing through the air as you and Harrison get to work. You start on hanging tinsel around your windows as Harrison puts your tree together. Christmas lights are soon wrapped around the tree, Harrison gloating that the new ones he had bought that day made the tree look better, earning an eyeroll from you.

The two of you get to work decorating the tree. Ornaments of gold and red soon cover it, and of course the ornaments of your past competitions as well. Your favourite one being the one Harrison had given you the year you first started dating; a blue ornament with both your signatures tattooed to one side in white writing with the date of your anniversary on the other side. It was a simple idea, but it meant the world to you. Harrison knew you appreciated simple gifts with lots of meaning behind them, so when Sam gave him the idea, he ran to the nearest craft store and had it made.

“You know, i can’t wait to beat your butt again this year in the ornament exchange. Face it love, you’ll never beat me, i’m just too good of a gift giver” Harrison proclaims proudly as he hangs up his winner from the year before on the tree. “Ya ya tough guy, you just wait. I went all out this year and i’m so going to win” you remark. “Well if it’s anything like this one,” harrison replies holding up the batman one you got for him your first year together, “i’ll have no problem winning.” “I thought you loved the batman one though?” you question, sounding a bit hurt and beginning to fake sob. Instantly feeling horrible, Harrison hugs you close. “I do, i do love it! I love it so much its my favourite one imsosorryiloveyoupleasedontbeupset im a div iloveyouimsorry(Y/N)pleaseforgiveme” he pleads making you giggle. “You’re such a div, i couldn’t get mad at you over a Christmas ornament. I love you too much” you laugh, leaning in to peck your boyfriend’s lips making his frown convert into a smile. “I love you too my little snowflake”.

You were finishing the final touches to the tree when Harrison tapped your shoulder causing you to turn around. He looked at you with a sly smirk and held a piece of mistletoe over your head. “Oh look! How did this mistletoe get here?” he giggled as you wrapped your arms around his neck pulling him closer. “I’m not sure, but it’s pretty good timing. This place could use some heat” you reply, pulling him down to meet your lips, his hands finding your waist pulling you even closer. You break to rest your forehead against his, breathing in the warm scent of your boyfriend, slowly swaying to the Christmas music in the background. “As much as i enjoy this,” Harrison says breaking the silence, “I think it’s time we put the star on top.” You nod your head in agreeance as you place a soft kiss to his lips and turn to find the star.

As you pull the star out of its box, you feel Harrison’s arms wrap around you. “You ready?” he whispers in your ear, letting go of his grip on you. He turns around and kneels slightly, just enough for you to wrap you legs over his shoulders and get comfortable on his back. He stands slowly, lifting you up so you can reach the top of the tree. Placing the star on top, you feel him slowly draw shapes on your shins and place light kisses to the inside of your knees and thighs causing you to giggle. “Don’t giggle too much or i might drop you love” he warns you before kneeling once again so you can safely get off his shoulders.

He stands up and pulls you into a hug, admiring the beautiful job you had both done on the tree. He smiles to himself and kisses the top of your head, your face nuzzled into his chest. You stay like this for a moment, the two of you humming along to I’ll be home for Christmas  enjoying each other’s warmth, swaying lightly. The moment is cut short once you hear the piano notes of your favourite Christmas song start playing from the speaker. Harrison looks at you with fear in his eyes as you pull away from him, smiling at him with a devilish grin.

“(Y/N), no. please don-” he tries saying but he’s cut off short as you attempt to match your voice with that of Mariah Carey’s. You let go of his waist and run to the bathroom and grab your hairbrush, running around using it as a microphone as you lipsync All I want for Christmas is You  to you boyfriend. He stands there in awe as you sync each word perfectly, watching as you jump on top of the coffee table and point to him as Mariah’s voice sings “all i want for christmas is youuuuu, youuuu babyyyyy”.

Harrison laughs and jumps up on the table with you, grabbing the hair brush from your hands, mimicking your exact moves causing you both to fall onto the couch in a fit of laugher. Once you both have caught your breath, Harrison turns off the speaker and grabs you by your waist, pulling you on top of him as he lays down and wraps his arms around your shoulders, hugging you close like a teddy bear. His hands find your hair and he starts playing with it as yours rest on his raising chest, feeling his lungs emptying and filling again under your fingertips. Your head rests on his chest listening to his heartbeat as it slows to a relaxed pace. And it is in this position that you feel yourself slowly drift to sleep, the only light in the room is that of the christmas tree in the corner, and the only sounds are those of muttered i love yous and the light snores that escape Harrison’s lips as you both fall into sleep.

Tags: @zendmylife @aliedelanie 

[survivesalem]

Episode 1 - “Let’s hope I’m not getting voted out” - Czern

Honestly I’m just sitting here so hyped that Austin is on my tribe . I know I can actually trust this man which is good . I’m hoping I can vibe with people on my tribe so I don’t end up an early boot . For some reason I think I may actually have a shot this season we shall see ! I’m gonna start reaching out to people and hopefully I give off good vibes !

I guess I'll just give my first impressions of everyone on this tribe including those who I know from the other tribe. Jay - Long ago we played a game together, but I can't really remember his style. I don't think our "pre-existing relationship" will help in any way Czern - A king who I hosted. He's not much on the social side of things so I can see that as an easy boot, but he could be someone that I can make trust me very easily Alex - He's fine I guess Mac - He's a threat. He got POTs and 6th? He needs to go soon. I'll try to get on his good side so he won't see a blindside coming though. II'm keeping my eye on him Ben - Who? He seems like a dudebro and I don't get along with those people. We shall see Dylan - My hosting buddy!! We'll see if they are playing INV or a complete rat. I know they're a flipper so I can't put all of my faith in them Paolo - Someone I know in real life who I brought into the community? Wild. He's a chaotic player for sure. And I am a chaotic player. Maybe we'll vibe together. Maybe not. Hopefully our chaoses come together rather than oppose one another. Zach - Maybe so At the end of the day, without a challenge, I'm just trying to be social and make myself liked by the tribe. It seems to be working so far, but who knows when being liked will turn into being a threat. I think, right now, I don't see myself working with any of these people long term except for Mac. But, as I said, he's a threat, but I could use him as a shield. For now, just focus on being liked and do well in the challenges! (Also this all-male tribe is actually disgusting and I want off of it immediately)

Ok so not even 24 hours after the game starts and my ass is already in a three person alliance with keegan and gizmo and I feel kinda solid about it i don't think it's going to go south hopefully

Hello everyone, my name is Mac, and I’m here to outwit, outlast and outplay this cast. On the other tribe I have someone who is new to the ORG community that I know well. Like, REALLY WELL. The stunning Liam. Liam and I, if we both get to the merge undetected we could slay this entire game. Now. The Osbourne tribe. I am friends with Alex. Lovely person. Do I trust Alex? Not really. No. Alex made a F3 alliance with Alex, Ben and I and I don't wanna be  thrown into a F3 with two friends, and I only know one of them. I kinda know Jay, but not enough to consider him a friend. Czern and Raffy are super quiet. I’ve heard Raffy plays like a crackhead which is fun, I’d rather have Raffy as an ally, or drop him early, who knows we’ll see. Love this game and ily all xoxo <3

So the first challenge is counting. I’m aight at math and I think I can count to 10 so I got this in the bag. I can’t exactly strategise except for social game at this point SOOOO I’ve decided to work my social game ELSEWHERE. I’ve decided to advertise for my Tengaged Group Game (with my Tengaged soulmate Liam) by sending the VL messages to go apply! I’ve also made a forms “application” to apply to be in the HOST CHAT!! How exciting! I got 20+ apps within two days (one person was like 10 of them but shhh). I’m very pumped for this game, Lowkey my tribe I feel is easiest to...manoeuvre. I wouldn’t say manipulate. Manoeuvre. I wanna try get to know them on a more personal level before anything. But honestly I learned my lesson in my past Survivor org to never stay to one ship. If it looks like it’s sinking, JUMP YOU SILLY GOOSE!

Im very worried about something...there may be no Music Video challenge! Don’t get me wrong I’m a shy bitch, but like, it’s very fun to lipsync and perform 💅 but I won’t be able to play any *good* music like Ariana, Beyoncé, Lady Gaga, Dua Lipa or Britney with all these straights. Ugh. Bummed out buttttt I’m sure I’ll survive. *insert a spooky witch gif to keep to the theme teehee* *takes a sip of an energy drink in the confessional chair* Actually you know what? Here is the songs I’d wanna perform to if we did get a Music Video challenge that are witch themed or witch vibes: “Rhiannon” by Fleetwood Mac “A Little Wicked” by Valerie Broussard “Seven Devils” by Florence & The Machine “House Of The Rising Sun” by Lauren O’Connell “Wicked Ones” by Dorothy That’s my rant. Love you all 🧙‍♀️

This tribe doesn't seem very social which works perfectly for me. This means that being the most social one will benefit me in the early game. For this challenge, I know not to fuck up and I know the strategy, but I fear that these newbies won't which will be a drag. Hopefully we can pull out an immunity win so that I can further situate myself as a pillar to this tribe

My tribe lost. I was mostly quiet in the challenge because I don’t wanna stick out like a sore thumb. I kinda know Jay, and I’m in a trio with Alex and Ben so we should be good. I wouldn’t mind if Czern or Raffy left ngl. If I leave first ill...riot.

So. I feel like I’m in a decent position. Talking to Alex he and Ben apparently wouldn’t mind Czern leaving. That’s great news as I’ve talked to him the least. Alex and Ben are a duo with me as their third. Taking to Jay, he wants me and Raffy around. Am I...going to potentially be in 2 trio alliances? That’s so GOOD! I wanna talk to Ben more and Raffy more. Make it look like I’m down with either trio. If Czern leaves and a F3 is made with myself, Jay and Raffy, then boom I’m the one in power!

I mean making sure your the vote is important. But to use connections to set you up well in the tribe, honey that’s a 4D chess move! It’s spooky szn and this first tribal may show a division if it’s not unanimous. If I make moves without people realising then that’s hot.

So we lost the challenge. Honestly, I feel fine because I have been social and it seems like people like me. I feel Ben should go because I've barely talked to him and he basically ruined the challenge by always wanting to do evens and didn't just quit it when it wasn't working. I personally blame him for the loss because he just didn't take a breath and leave things be. Plus, I don't think anyone has been talking as much with him or Alex. However, I'm just going to keep my opinions to myself and let the target fall on them as it will.

Last night was the immunity challenge and it went really well for us! We didnt even mess up and very quickly took to the tactic that is easiest to win. Everybody speaks in order! We were talking after and were actually worried that with the time being shorter, other teams would talk quicker than we did and beat us. However, when the scores came out it was 182, 46, and 15. I'm really proud of our tribe and us reaching near 200! Though I am sure this is one of the few challenges where us having fewer people is helpful. Hopefully our entire tribe can make it next challenge!

The names going around the tribe are Czern and Ben. I've talked only to Alex and Jay so far. Alex says that Ben said Czern's name. I don't want Czern to go because I feel like I can make him trust me very easily. Jay prefers Ben to go because he doesn't want to vote for Czern two times in a row. Also, Jay told me that he and Mac want to start a potential alliance with me. This means my social abilities are working!! This alliance will make me feel very secure for the rest of pre-merge as it's a strong three that easily claims the majority in this tribe. Hopefully, this is the first alliance in my tribe and I'm not playing into someone's hands, but I doubt that would happen. Score one for Raffy

Howdy y’all! Uhhh I don’t have much to say. Not much has happened yet and everyone’s pretty quiet. I stan the idol hunt? Simple and easy to navigate, but also very creative. We are immune after the first challenge! n e ways...uh...acab

I’m nervous that we lost the first challenge. I have yet to ever survive a tribal council, so I’m trying not to go. Let’s hope I’m not getting voted out

As tribal approaches, I am getting more nervous. There's barely been any chats, but that may be do to these people being slightly antisocial. Or it has something to do with this being an easy vote? I don't know. I am just getting a sinking feeling in my gut. But it also doesn't make any sense to get rid of me since all I've done is be social. Hopefully, everyone is telling the truth and I can just worry about the next immunity challenge.

Apparently Mac and Alex know Ben personally, so they want to get rid of Czern because they don't know him and that's a bunch of bullshit and is not fair to Czern. Ben has been so inactive and he didn't pull his weight in the challenge. We're going to lose again if he stays! But I'm not one to rock the boat. I feel bad for Czern, but I'm not risking my position in a cozy new alliance for him. Though I am more aware than ever of Mac and his threat status. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. He's going down and I'm going to be the one to do it eventually. In any case, I'm glad to finally be in an alliance that seems strong and trusting. It is with me, Jay, and Mac called Jam Rocks. We'll see how the chips fall.

[sambart93]

2017.09.19 Nanbaka Review!

I got to see JP again ^_^ *peace sign* And I’d always wanted to watch Nanbaka but after a friend told me they gave up after the first episode, I was a little cautious but the fact it got a stage meant that it was good and popular right?...right?! So I watched the anime about 2 weeks before I saw the stage and I loved the anime immediately! It’s so much fun yet still has really dark moments in it! Give me season 3 now!! Anyway, so because of that, I was super excited for the stage even more! And also with the visuals and it having such a great cast: I always enjoy Tomorun’s performance, I love JP, I really like Ire and want to support him whenever I can (without going out of my way), it has NAOYA in it as probably my (most/second) favourite character -- it was looking promising!

Lets get on with it!

Official Twitter here Official Website here Press Coverage 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 Video Coverage 1, 2, 3 PreOrder the DVD here, here or here

CAST and CHARACTERS

Akazawa Tomoru as 15/Jyuugo Kitazono Ryo as 1/Uno Shiozaki Ire as 69/Rock Yasukawa Junpei as 25/Niko KIMERU as Mitsuba Kiji Utsumi Daisuke as Yozakura Kenshiro Hashimoto Taito as Goku Samon Takagi Shun as Hitokoe Mitsuru Utsumi Akiyoshi as Tsukumo Miyamoto Hidemitsu as Musashi Hoshino Yuta as Rian Inagaki Seiya as Godai Yamato Okuyama Keito as Tanabata Seitaro Momiyama Kenta as Sugoroku Hitoshi Gomoto Naoya as Sugoroku Hajime Ensemble

NON-SPOILER REVIEW Overall: Guys!! This was absolutely hilarious and so much fun! They were joking when Tomourun said in the dress rehearsals that it's basically idiots running around for 2 hours, because that's literally what happens! It's complete comical madness and it's SO MUCH FUN! I enjoyed this so damn much!! I don't even know where to start with this! It's entertaining, purposely and accidentally funny (parts that are scripted and parts that are adlibbed), there's a lot of audience participation (even teasing one of the characters xD), the songs are very well done, the characters are enjoyable, the story is simple with a lot of madness thrown in, the staging is great and how it's used, lots of running around the theatre so everyone can get close to them, even though it's hilarious I actually ended up crying at one part towards the end, Tomorun's acting was on point as usual, the costume are great, it's just... just go and watch this god dammit! I preordered the DVD at the venue because it's that good! I am trash... Seriously, everyone needs to watch this if they want a good time! I also highly recommend the anime/manga to get a little taste of the show before you start this stage. I need the dvd for this NOW! I need a second stage NOW! Rating: 9/10  - one of the best I've seen this year.

*

SPOILER REVIEW

PRESHOW

I knew my seat was row 1, but I really didn’t know just how damn close my seat would really be! Also that I'd be right next to the DAMN stairs! I freaked straight away! And then I freaked out even more when I had the ENTIRE row to myself until about 2 minutes before the show started, until eventually one person either side of me finally showed up. There were on 3 of us, in the first row, on the right hand side, right next to the stage! It was ridiculous! I was so happy!! 

I've always had good luck with seating for both JP's and Tomorun's stages. Usually for JP I get within the first 2 or 3 rows for a seat and then with Tomorun, he was right next to me and fighting right in front of me and (this is where I get creepy) his clothing brushed against me when I saw Messiah (here). Also it’s thanks to Tomorun (and my friend recommending I see Binan Koukou because he’s a good actor) that I discovered MakiChan -> we all know my love for MakiChan <3 anyway, so in Nanbaka, Tomorun was literally running past me or stood on the steps or crouched down on the right side of the stage. I think he noticed me pretty much straight away too (I don't know what his eyesight is like) because he seemed to flick his eyes over to me when he could get away with it. When he first went onto the stairs next to me I could see him turn and look right at me a moment before going back into his character. I got all dokidoki <3 

Before the stage started they were playing hard rock like Metallica, which is a wonderful starter to set the mood for this stage! I absolutely loved the songs they were playing so it got me even more excited! And then the music itself in the stage is so good! But I've jumped ahead.

OH! Before I forget, there was one girl who had very obviously come to match Hoshino Yuta; she had this red Chinese-like dress/top on and her hair was platted. I love when fans indirectly cosplay to match the characters -- even though I've heard you shouldn’ do it. I know at places such a Tenimyu and TouMyu there's a strict rule about cosplaying and that it's not allowed so I always assumed it was for all the stages too. But sometimes fans do it where they're still wearing normal clothing and such (I've seen quite a few 'not' MakiChan cosplayers at his stages), it just so happens to be very similar to what one character is wearing xD

Anyway, lets get onto the rest of the stage.

THE STORY

This is very faithful to the anime/manga and we do the main introductions then we go into a new guy joining, next the Taikai is announced and so they do three of the competitions: the Daruma knock out; the Karuta; fighting competition. All the while, someone very suspicious with cuts on their neck and running around the prison and naturally this makes 15 go insane but the others take care of it. However, Musashi provokes him and his duel swords come out and Hajime has to fight him. Finally we get the prison scene where Musashi explains his past and asks 15 to find the guy for both their sakes. Hajime tells him because cell 15 won Jyuugo still has time to say what he wants and he says 'Chance wo Kure / give me a chance' and he returns to the cell and story ends. 

So it's a complete story in a way BUT because of that final scene and the mystery of Jyuugos imprisoner (which is still a mystery in the anime too) they could very easily make a second stage. WHICH I want! Right now! Like tomorrow!

I recommend you watch or read the anime/manga before seeing this stage if you want to know the story and get an idea of what could very well pop up in it.

THE STAGE

This stage was so freaking good! I cannot flail enough about how much I enjoyed this stage! Everything was amazing! I loved how faithful to the story it was but they still left a lot of room for extras and higawaris and improvised comedy and such. I love which parts of the anime/manga story they decided to use for this stage. The pacing was great too! Also, there was never a dull moment in this because of how they paced the story and how ot developed and because of how much comedy there was. BUT that's not to say it was just purely comedy; it hard it's dark moments too! I was a little confused during the '5 minutes before show time' part when they said 'oh another extra rule; please laugh a lot! Also, at the end, please cry!' but seriusly, they didn't need to tell us that. I naturally cried. Both at the sad and dark part at the end - also because Tomorun's acting is so freaking enticing and amazing -, and because I enjoyed myself so much I cried through happiness at feeling so satisfied and so entertained for 2 hours, as well as sadness that it was finishing.

I left the theatre and I was literally like this inside:

It was just so amazing,hilarious, fun, heartwarming, such a good production!

I loved the set and who they moved that around and used it. I loved the costumes and how freaking faithful and perfect they looked and acted as the characters. The music and the musical numbers were so great! I enjoyed pretty much all of them and I defintitely want to rip them into MP4s when I get my hands on the DVD - which I preordered without evening thinking about it. I was straight in line to preorder that baby and didn't care how much it was going to cost me -- especially because Nelke are known for not really putting backstages on their DVDs (I kind of do hope we get a backstage for this one because the cast talked about how idiotic their rehearsals were and how fun they were; I want to see that!), but the stage itself, even if I get just that, is so freaking worth the money for this dvd. I loved how they used the projection mapping; I loved the physical props they did; I loved the ridiculousness of this stage. It's just all good right! I actually cannot think of one thing I was disappointed at in this stage << and that's rare as pigs flying for me isn't it!

Did I already mention the comedy was gold? BECAUSE IT WAS! I loved it all! Some scenes/moments I want to mention:

☆ There was a LOT of running around the theatre both on stage and in the seating area which was really nice for all the audience; everyone kind of got chance of being near the actors xD

☆ During the initial introductions scene; Naoya's character Hajime is supposed to be this serious and no messing around character, but during this part, Naoya/Hajime was tapping his fingers against one of the rails along to the beat while Seitarou lipsynced along with this huge smile on his face - immediately this set the mood for 'this is going to be ridiuclous and hilarious!' 

☆ I really loved the scene where Uno won and would sang during the Karuta Competition and the other three (Niko, 15 and Rock) were to the side on an upper level dancing as stupidly as they could! 

☆ AND!!! They did the famous BLEEP scene (it's in the anime too) during the Sports Day Event! I cannot believe it made it into the stage - I loved it! Tomorun was in charge of the bleeping with this massive bleep machine around his neck. It was hilarious! Even during Rock's solo song moment, Tomorun still had it wrapped around his neck so Tomorun 'played' the deck like it was a keyboard or something xD he was seriously rocking out to each.

☆ NONE of these boys gave anything less than 120% energy and performance in this stage. They were all beautiful covered in sweat and using so much freaking energy - it was so much fun to watch! I don't even know why Ire bothered to have his shirt somewhat zipped up because it was pretty much all undone anyway and the sweat coming off him was a spectacle. Tomorun sweated like a beast too and he was hardly wearing anything -- although those 'chains' around his feet and neck would've caused a lot of that sweat.

☆ I loved when Yozakura Kenshiro did his solo song, Hajime and Jyuugo were sat on the floor looking bored, and the moment the song finished, they both yelled 'kimoi!! / that's disgusting!' it was such perfect timing and of course everyone laughed.

☆ Poor Tsukumo! He was just bullied non-stop the entire stage! I was hilarious, pitiful and adorable at the same time! As soon as he appears, Rock, Uno and Niko are like 'you're a ninja!' and Jyuugo is like 'who's this poser? Why you here?' so Tsukumo immediately go shot down. Then (either the same scene or the next) the Cell 13 (Jyuugo, Niko, Rock, Un) guys  start chanting a mean name at him and I remember JP/Niko and Jyuugo turning to the audience to signal them to join in so Tsukumo had like 500 people calling him a mean name for ages xD it was so funny! One other moment that stuff with me was when he went to go off stage one time, and he suddenly yelled 'ouch/itai' as if he's stuck on one of his shurikens or a nail, but then he immediately went '.... nani mo nai/there's nothing there' -- can you HEAR the laughter coming from me?! No? Well, my descriptions are making the hilarious scenes less funny. But just you wait til the DVD comes and you can see it for yourself! Tsukumo just had the worst luck and was treated like crap throughout the entire play, but it was just so hilarious.

☆ Speaking of pitiful people, we have Mitsuru who just before he commentates the Sports Event, he's in the seating area and said: 'How many people bought bromides?! *most of the room* How many people bought MINE?! *3 people put their hands up* well now you've done it, I don't care anymore.' and moped up the stairs xD

☆ The show I saw, Naoya messed up his very first line and everyone died laughing, but he acted like he hadn't messed up and was so professional and just owned the mistake and acted like it wasn't one. Naoya is so good at everything he does. He's so good! Even when he had no lines he was still pulling the best faces ever and interacting with people ec.

☆ At scene towards the end of the stage: Mitsuru put his mic against Kimeru's chest to hear his inner thoughts, and then did it to himself and then tried it again on Kimeru but didn't work the second time around, so he poked the mic into Kimeru's butt and Kimeru tried to get off stage as quickly as possible. AND THEN Mitsuru put the mic right against Naoya's face so he couldn't talk!

I need a second stage like... already. I need, need, need a second stage, especially with this cast and staff! 

Seriously, who was the director and script writer *googles* Kawajiri Keita - huge freaking kudos for you! I'm pretty sure this guy was the one who did Hatsukoi Monster too... thanks for making such a great script and adaptation!

Now for some things about the actors or the characters I want to touch on...

ACTOR COMMENTS

Akazawa Tomoru as 15/Jyuugo:

I'm always ALWAYS super impressed with Tomorun but I never make a mental note of placing him being one of 'the top 2.5 actors'. But after this show, my brain has very much definitely implanted this memo into my brain. He always does amazing.

To be honest, I wasn't sure if he could do Jyuugo because Jyuugo is this weird happy but dark character with lots of internal turmoil and secrets but why was I worrying?! It was stupid of me to worry about Tomorun as Jyuugo because he was 

Which reminds me; is he popular? I always thought he was pretty damn popular but no one really wanted his random badges; I didn't see anyone buy his bromides; me getting a Row 1 seat is weird because I would've thought it would've been more difficult to get such a seat because I assumed he was super popular. Is he like UeChan in that Tomorun IS popular, just many people don't go out of their way FOR him and his shows? I love Tomorun, he should be popular, he should have more love... he should have al the love... more than what just Izawa gives him... which is a lot to begin with... anyway................

I really, really loved Tomorun's eye contacts! They were so vivid and amazing! You couldn't not look! It also helps that Tomorun has this wide round eyes that catch people's attention anyway. But when he's literally next to your foot and looking out in thought or shock, you can't not be attatched to his eyeline and eyes.

I also really loved Tomorun's little ballad where he talks about his cell mates about 20 minutes into the stage, as well as I loved his final song where he talks about them again and wants to be with them. Both of them are completely different tones but the songs are beautiful and Tomorun sang them so well(!) in fact, I don't think there was one bad singer - which surprised me. I expected Tomorun, or JP or even Naoya to be bad but.... nah. Everyone was either decent or really good!

Talking about Tomorun's sweat above remained me to mention something else about him. He is so freaking tiny! He's just bones and energy! He's so damn small! And due to the very few and thin clothing he wears in this, it was so much easier to see his collar bone and his tiny legs and stuff! I hope he eats -- he must do because he's never out of energy but it was so surprising to see this tiny boy give off such a huge and great performance. I've always liked Tomorun's acting <3 

If you have any Tomorun stage recommendations, definitely let me know!

ANYWAY...

Kitazono Ryo as 1/Uno:

Surpringly either he, his character, or both, were the most popular for this stage; everyone was buying his goods, everyone wanted his trading badge, and you could just feel the air and tension rise when he had solo songs or if there was a moment you could cheer and 'woooh' for him. He got a bigger applause and wooing in those moment we were allowed to interact than Kimeru which really shocked me. He did great as Uno though; he was perfect. They were ALL perfectly casted xD

Yasukawa Junpei as 25/Niko:

JP was just adorable, as I predicted, in this!!! It was nice seeing him do something light and fluffy and fun and happy again! Yet it was a different type of happy to his Konchuuger character. This character is very much a child and very innocent and JP really pulled off the innocent and cuteness of Niko <3 I feel like the character really suited him and I hope they do a second stage and he's back for him.

I want him to do more cute roles! He’s an awkward but really nice guy in real life yet he always does these sexy and/or dark roles, and I super want to see him being more like this:

Look how cute he is!!

But JP too and is freaking skinny looking in this stage because, just like the others, there wasn't really much fabric on him! He isn't as tiny as Tomorun but he's close enough! His tiny little legs and cute little butt. But anyway...

KIMERU as Mitsuba Kiji:

Kimeru never ceases to amaze me. He's always so freaking fabulous and owns his characters! The two girls either side of me were clearly his fans because they clapped and cheered so hard for him. He got to do this ridiculous, flamboyant performance and made to audience clap along every time and properly woooooo and cheering for him.

In one scene, Naoya turned to him and said 'by the way... why you so small?' And he's like 'I am NOT small!'.

He was so good and was perfect for this character! I want to see him do this role again! He was so much fun and he looked damn good in those heeled boots! I think I vagueley remember some thrusting dance moves from those hips of his at one point too... *coughs*

Utsumi Daisuke as Yozakura Kenshiro: 

I feel Utsumi did a great job at bringing this character to life. I didn't really know him in the anime, but in the stage Utsumi really fleshed him out and was much more memorable in the stage compared to the anime. His singing was so good too! Maybe he was the strongest singer...

Hashimoto Taito as Goku Samon: 

Taito got to use some of his breakdancing/acrobat moves in this stage which was great! But unfortunately, while I love him in the anime, his character stage time and development was very small in this one. He was a very minute character and role. Which is a shame because Goku is a character I like and I wanted to see him get more stage time. Hopefully in the second one *fingers crossed*

Hoshino Yuta as Rian: 

Hoshino made me giggle during the fight scene; he's clearly not flexible because he couldn't kick that high and he was barely able to go a cartwheel. This is a type of character we've seen Hoshino do before so of course he nailed his role and did well; Rian is the type of character he's used to and is a pro at.

Momiyama Kenta as Sugoroku Hitoshi: I really loved how in the stage, even though they find out she's a he, people like Niko and Rock still treated Hitoshi as a girl and were still like googly-eyed over him xD

Gomoto Naoya as Sugoroku Hajime: 

This character was perfect for him! He got to yell and insult people for two hours which is something we all know he's a master at! I love, love, love Hajime and Naoya was just PERFECT. He gave me the Hajime I wanted AND more because he's a pro at acting and knows how to take characters, give the performance the audience wants and adds to it so we get even more enjoyment from his character! He was the perfect Hajime <3

AND Naoya can actually sing! I was so shocked! They ALL can legit, properly sing!! They sounded soooooo good!

*

AFTERSHOW - MIOKURI (Actor Send Off)

I was super excited about the Miokuri even BEFORE the show started! I knew Naoya was going to be there as I had checked the night before. But when I rechecked the information they had pinned up, it had Kimeru for this day too! And after seeing his ridiculously, entertaining, amazing performance in this, I was nervous to see him too! 

The line went: Kitazono Ryo (I do NOT remember him being in that line), Kimeru, Takagi Shun, and lastly Naoya.

KIMERU was super duper genki and just had so much energy with everyone. He was like ‘ara! Arigatou! Kawaii!!’. And then we had Naoya who was at the end of line with his hands together in front of (or behind him, I don't quite remember) him and he bowed to everyone just like the gentlemen he is, and he was so professional and calm and just so.... ‘manly’ is a good word to describe him.

*

GOODS

The pamphlet's pictures are so good! I have to show you some!! My thought process is basically 'So cute!!! So cool! DAMN THIS PIC IS NICE!!':

I looked at the pamphlet before show and it was adding to the already crazy excitement that I had. After the show ended I just HAD to get my hands on Tomorun’s bromides also because he was so amazing seriously -- did I already say that?

--

And that’s all for today folks! Hope you enjoyed it and I made you all more excited for this stage!

[borntoslay]

Do you ever wear drag in public? Have you ever had trouble for it? I really admire your work a lot

First of all TY!!

It’s kind of a weird subject and the last time I wrote a story this long was when I talked about the first time I wore eyeliner 5 (???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???!!) years ago, so since I wrote that out so nicely + professionally, I will also write this story out nicely now as well.

I think since I wrote that story about eyeliner in 2012, there have been about 5 pivotal moments for me.

Halloween 2013

Halloween 2014

All of 2015

Early 2016

Late 2016–present

HALLOWEEN 2013

Since I’m such a tumbler girl a good chunk of yall might remember my Halloween 2013 moment since it was the first time I bought a wig and really tried doing a full face and it truly was such a MOMENT. Like literally life-changing. Up until that point I had only done eyeliner + was only starting to dabble in filling in my eyebrows… never touched foundation or primer (don’t judge me again Olivia it was a different time)—never even OWNED foundation or primer if that’s any indication… but this just felt like such a huge thing that I HAD to do, and so I bought everything I thought could help me from the clearance bins at drug stores and every day for like, a month, learned more and more about how to do things that every like, 11 year old knows how to do now: contour, define eye sockets, block out eyebrows, etc, and I finally went to school (like, equivalent to my junior year of college) like this:

And luckily, I live in the surprisingly liberal Hawaii, and I majored in a creative field so everyone was super open to it and even supportive. After Halloween 2013, I started contouring everything I could (for better or for worse… don’t judge me OLIVIA), and started wearing foundation and doing a simple, but full face every day for school. 2014 was the year I dyed my hair a different color every month (don’t do this by the way, I literally was bald at the end of the year), and by the time Halloween 2014 came around, I was working at my current place of employment (an advertising agency).

HALLOWEEN 2014

Again, because Hawaii is a liberal state and I now work in a creative field, everyone was very open to how my looks continued to change from month to month (I started in March 2014 and my hair went from brown to yellow to gray/silver to green to blonde again to red to maroon to pink, to pink with a ponytail, to blue with a ponytail, to black with a ponytail by October 2014), so I did 5 full days of Halloween at work, all different types of hair and makeup and therefore all different types of drag (again, for better or worse LOL), until Halloween day:

Oh my god my ROOM LMFAO Wow Queen You Live Like This LMFAO

ANYWAYS. So although I had a LOT of baby steps along the way, October 2014 was the first time I REALLY did drag. Luckily Adore was just on Drag Race earlier in the year and I learned about cinching the waist! LOL

(Adding onto the 2012 post I wrote mentioning my mom slowly learning to deal with whatever I did—she actually helped me find clothing AND PROP options for all 5 of the looks I did, went with me to help pick out + buy my first pair of HEELS, and even hand-tied the “meat” onto them while I rushed to finish my makeup that morning… I’m way up I feel blessed…)

My office was so supportive of this whole thing which lead to more and more drastic hair and makeup changes through the remainder of the year, that I basically entered 2015 like this

2015

As I mentioned earlier, I had to shave my entire head because my hair was completely damaged. Luckily, although I was bald as fuck, I had been investing on some cheap wigs towards the end of 2014 in anticipation of this, and so before the new year started, I had mapped out which colors I would for which month (it was sort of like, my thing), and went to work every single day with a full 20-30″ of hair, and a full beat, but with my normal body.

This is where it gets tricky, because I’m not sure if you would necessarily count this as “drag” because of my clothes and perceived body type, which is superficially cisgendered, HOWEVER, I literally had a FULL beat EVERY SINGLE DAY, matched my hair to whatever I was wearing (my goal was to hit every color combination possible throughout the year):

I even had like, “concepts” so like one day I decided to be a peacock

One day I decided to be the continuation to Telephone

”Discoverers’ Day”

“Personal growth through digitized romance” the week I joined Tinder + Grindr

”Weighed down and blue” (I realized late last year that I have seasonal depression!)

Here’s some Christmas looks I did at work during the week of Christmas:

Sometimes it’s wasn’t always a “concept” so much as just a color scheme:

In this case, the color scheme was the concept, in trying to match myself,

to commemorate the day I got a callback interview for my current job (after making 1 year):

Anyways, the point I’m trying to make is that I did my hair + makeup a LOT in 2015 and learned + grew SO much in that year. You can literally see the difference between March 2015:

and August 2015:

So if you count this as “drag” (I always call what I do just “hair and makeup” because . idk), then yes, I went out to work (in town) with it every single day and which I have been blessed to never have received any real trouble with it, it can totally be scary going out with it, with ANY amount of something non-conforming. My hair is blonde right now and I wear it with a clip-in ponytail and I still always watch my back when I’m walking to my car, hold my breath when I step out to fill up gas, and am even apprehensive about taking in the trash while one of my neighbors drives by—and I’ve felt this same amount of fear back when I used that fucking washable marker under my eyes and went to school, or just wore a color that might’ve stood out just a LITTLE too much and had to catch the bus. It can all be fucking scary, NGL!

RuPaul says “Anybody who can step out of the house with a pair of heels and some lipstick on their lips is my hero.” and that’s exactly how I feel too.

Early 2016

So wrapping up as quickly as possible (since I spent a little too long reminiscing on 2015…), after an entire year of doing it every single day, I had decided to stop doing my hair + makeup because my hair had finally grown back, and after having a pretty rocky 2015 in my career, I really wanted to focus on my professionalism. Walking into my office at 10:30am because it took me from 6–10am to do my hair and makeup, lipsync to a relevant or themed song, and have a mini-photoshoot DAILY was kind of not ok. So I did “boy drag” basically for most of the year except for the couple of times I went out with my beautiful friends (especially my LGBT friends), who helped me to feel safe enough again to do so.

My favorite couple in the entire world got married back in April 2016 and so me being me, I annoyingly decided to upstage them both because they are probably 2 of my biggest supporters, and it was a gay wedding anyway!

So if we’re talking full body head-to-toe drag, this is actually technically only my second time doing drag. I continue to be blessed in that it was really well received and everyone was, as always, super supportive, and my friends loved it.

Late 2016–present

Which brings us to what I’m doing now. When I turned 24 in June, I just magically wanted to do like… EVERYTHING. LOL And one of them was, and I’ve mentioned in the past, to do YouTube again, possibly doing makeup on there. Again, I’m iffy in calling what I do “drag,” as throughout my time doing it, it’s always been primarily hair and makeup, going down to my chest at the lowest. I’ve started a sketchbook with concepts and ideas and “looks” and on the Saturdays or Sundays that I felt inspired to do so, I would create those looks, and put them on my Instagram.

The thing is that what I’ve been doing is what I’m REALLY interested in, but because I don’t have a social life anymore, I don’t do any of these in public, and because of that, I really don’t think I can consider this “drag,” as much as, what I’ve been calling it, “hair and makeup” LOL

Also, to answer your question as fully as possible, yes, unfortunately, I have had negative experiences while out in “drag.” My coworkers used to like going to the food places up the street, and in order to get to them, we would have to cross this busy intersection where these 2 very loud, VERY aggressive and VERY judgmental Christian protestors would camp out, and with my very bright yellow… or red, or blue, or pink, or lavender, or green, or FIRE, or literally any long hair in general, I was a VERY easy target for them, and they would point at me from across the street and start preaching to the entire city about how I was going to go to hell and that I must REPENT, that homosexuality is a SIN, that the lord HATED ME, that I should be ASHAMED and BOW DOWN BEFORE GOD…

…but the gag is, I’m Christian, and have been raised Christian all my life, further proof that they didn’t even read their favorite book, because they obviously did not see Matthew 7:1, “Judge not, lest ye be judged”… In 2015, there were days when my anxiety would be so bad that I would just make up a meeting I had to be at, or a job I just remembered a deadline for, just so I could turn around and run back to my office. Luckily, my coworkers care about me so much that we’ve stopped going there as much. The insane thing is that when I stopped doing full hair + makeup, or even when I stopped doing as bright colors, they stopped noticing me altogether, and would be pointing and yelling at others. God, I hate them.

The day I had the yellow/red hair (McDonald’s phone case) was a week they were filming Zac Efron’s new movie Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates outside my office, and so when I was walking from my parking lot to my office, there was a group of like, 12 men who were on the crew and they were immediately silent and just stared as this almost-6″ yellow… person… was just trying to make it past them to get to my office door literally 8 feet next to them, and while I walked past, one of them was like “…nice hair…” and they all started giggling and I was like ok (inside: kms)

The day I had the gray/orange color scheme, I had picked up dinner with my friend and was walking back to my office when this lady started running up behind us (mind you, it was in the dark, in the middle of town), and she said that her friend thought I was really hot, and, relieved that she wasn’t running up behind me to spit homophobic slurs, I said a gracious “omg thank you! I hope you have a great night!” and was about to keep heading towards my office, but was stopped again as she continued, “He wants to know if he can have your number…?” eventually implying that he was most likely a t-chaser and was looking to hook up later.

While we’re on the subject, and I’m sure all my hunties already know what I’m talking about, but t-chasers on dating/hookup apps are, to re-address the initial question, some of the scariest it can be at times. I was on Tinder/Grindr for about 8 months (with my pictures all being of me in “drag”) and I only went on about 5.5 dates because those 5 men were the ONLY ones who were interested in meeting ME; never ONCE sending me that mood-killing, “so… can I ask you something?” message. 4/5 of my dates were perfect gentlemen, and the 5th one who was a jerk was just a jerk in general, not because he fetishized me or anything like that. In fact, for the record, he was my DREAM MAN before I met him in person LOL

It’s not always horrible though. In fact, while the above stories do happen often, much more often then them, I will have strangers come up to me (and my anxiety kicks in and I’m like “welp. I guess this is the person who kills me…”), and they’re just SO full of support. Like when I was the Christmas tree, I went to grab lunch with my coworkers and this lady we walked past stopped me to tell me how amazing it was and how more amazing it would’ve been if it lit up, and so I turned it on, it lit up, and she was SLAYED LMFAO! And then we had to walk past her again while we were heading back to the office, and she was slayed all over again omg. God bless people like that.

SO. To finish answering your question, unfortunately, no, I don’t really wear drag in public anymore, unless it’s for something really special or I feel like it REALLY will be safe enough to do so. I really am blessed enough to have a really strong support system of people who, intentionally or not, want to make sure I’m safe, and will walk with me or do whatever they can to make it easier… I think this is why I love Hey Girl so much. It’s fucking scary out there! But we can make it easy if we lift each other!

I hope this answered your question… sorry it was so long, but I really haven’t documented much about my real life post-2013/2014, and a LOT has changed since then LOL! I have a sneaking suspicion that you might be the one who’s been sending me similar positive messages scattered throughout the years in regards to my makeup, and if you are the one who said they wanted to get into try it too, I really hope you do/have! Even if it’s, like me post-2016, for yourself. It’s an amazing art form, and EXTREMELY liberating, especially in today’s times. Sometimes you just have to do things because they’re important to YOU, not for commercial success.

[thewidowstanton]

Elliana Grace, aerial hoop and hula hoop artist, Circus Harmony

Elliana Grace is a multi-skilled circus artist from St Louis, Missouri, who specialises in aerial hoop and hula hoops. She was born into a circus family and started in the ring at just two weeks old. Her mother is former trapeze artist Jessica Hentoff, who founded and runs the non-profit social circus performance troupe St Louis Arches and Circus Harmony, where Elliana trained. She is the older sister of our recent interviewee Keaton Hentoff-Killian and of the juggler Kellin Quinn.

Elliana has performed and taught from a young age, both across America and internationally, and had further training at the École de Cirque de Québec. Her credits include Circus Flora, Circus Harmony, Cirquantique, Amazing Grace Circus and Lighthouse Entertainment. In 2013, when she was 20, she became Ringling Bros. Barnum & Bailey’s youngest-ever female human cannonball in its show Built to Amaze. Elliana is taking a break from bareback riding in a tour with Circus Zoppé and will be performing her one-woman show Heartbreak, Humor and Hoops! at Circus Harmony’s City Museum, St Louis, until the end of 2017. She chats to Liz Arratoon.

The Widow Stanton: What was your first experience in a circus ring? Elliana Grace: At two weeks I played the baby sitting on the back of an elephant. [Laughs] I was really typecast, you know. Then I did my first trick when I was about six months and I’ve been in the ring pretty much since then, doing everything.

What was the trick? We call it the ‘baby balance’. When babies are pretty young they lock their knees out automatically and you can balance them on your hand. The clown was Nino Zoppé and I’ve just been on his show again now.

Keaton said the same; he played the baby… In the circus it’s very normal if there’s a baby lying around you put it in the show, kind of the cute factor. Everyone when they’re old enough pretty much goes in the show. I was two weeks because that was the length of my mum’s maternity leave.

Did you ever see your mum perform? Sure, and I actually performed with her, which is something I cherish. When I was very young we did a double trapeze act, like two times, for some sort of special event. I was six or seven… I still have the costume!

Tell us a bit about your life growing up in the circus. When I was young my mum was still travelling a very little bit but by the time Keaton was born we’d stopped. We settled down in St Louis, which is where my dad is from as well. My mum settled here because it was the centre of the States so it was easy to travel places. When I was growing up we were based down at the City Museum. We started there when my other brother, Kellin, was a baby, so we’ve been there almost 21 years. I started performing and teaching for my mum when I was about eight. I would get put into a class and my job was to make sure that the kids who didn’t listen paid attention. Also it was a form of training me in skills; I was learning the same things over and over again, as well as leaning how to teach them, and about crowd control.

My first real aerial act was a Spanish web act [a vertical rope, with a loop at the top] very, very simple. My mum started me on that that when I was about six. I kind of went back and forth for a long time between that and the trapeze. I would play around with the big kids a lot but I was always really drawn to aerial work. I liked trapeze mostly because that’s what my mum did professionally and taught mostly. I ended up with a partner, her married name is Claire Wallenda, and we did aerial stuff. We started doing duo trapeze when we were seven or eight and then developed a duo lyra act later on. We worked together until we were about 18 when she graduated and went to college so I became more of a soloist. That was my favourite, performing with her. She’s my best friend. She’s performing with her husband’s family now, The Flying Wallendas.

I saw them in Monte Carlo. The seven-man pyramid was so beautiful and emotional. That’s what we aim to do; make it emotional and for people to feel what we’re expressing. So somebody was doing their job! 

When did you graduate from Quebec? I didn’t graduate, I only did a year there. I did their prep programme and then I actually didn’t make it into their three-year programme, because I was American and a girl and an aerialist. They are limited with the number of foreign students they are able to take and still have government funding, and being an aerialist didn't help since the discipline is already over-saturated with girls. Surprisingly though, three months after I came home I got offered a job with Ringling Bros because I was American, female and an aerialist, so it kind of worked out.

You have so many skills, why did you choose your specialities? I focus mainly on lyra or aerial hoop because I love to spin. [Laughs] I always wanted to be the pretty one on the flying trapeze, ever since I was itty bitty. It’s always been that I wanted to just be sparkly and in the air. I kind of stuck with it. Some would call me… I like the idea of doing something that hurts a little bit and has results. It doesn’t always come easy, you have to really… it takes blood, sweat and tears for it to work. There’s something so satisfying about that. That’s why I’ve stuck with aerials, for sure.

And hula hoops… When I picked aerial as my first discipline, my mum said… it’s an old-school thing, that if you did an aerial act you had to have a ground act, and I fought her tooth and nail about it. But eventually I learnt hula hoops, and now my hula hoop act is almost a vaudevillian comedy thing, which I love to do. I lipsync the entire thing and just have a lot of fun with it. I want to explore it more and have been in the process of seeing where it takes me.

Any particular advice you’d give to someone starting aerials? Don’t give up. [We both laugh]. It’s gonna hurt a lot at the beginning. Circus hurts in general, you know, you’re making your body do extraordinary things. You have to have some sort of tenacity and a lot of persistence to get where you wanna go, but it’s totally possible. It is so totally possible and worth every second of it. Really… a  little hurt goes a long way.

Let’s go through some of your other skills. You could perform a whole circus on your own… [Laughs] I’ve dabbled a lot… But things like upside-down loop-walking… how hard is that? I learnt it in the traditional way without any gimmicks, so I was barefoot when I did it and it’s really hard. I mean, once you get it, it’s just a pain-tolerance thing. There’s a lot of timing and technique that goes into it but once you start to learn that, it’s more overcoming the fact that your ankles are going to be [cracked] open the whole time. They don’t ever heal really… fully, so you’re a mess and… you use lots of Band-Aids.

And the bareback riding! I first learnt bareback riding through a programme with Circus Flora. They wanted a youth bareback act. So they brought in a coach. I would have been about 14 and did it until I was maybe 17. Keaton did that for a little bit, too. He plays down a lot of the things he’s done. He’s done some cool stuff, too. Just recently I was invited to to learn some more bareback stuff and I jumped at the opportunity.

Have you also had dance training? In the programme at Circus Harmony my mum stresses a dance element now. I’ve always had fun with it so I took quite a few ballet classes growing up and jazz and swing, I did ballroom dancing when I was younger for fun, because I was that kind of nerd. [Laughs] I like to learn new things.

That brings us on to the human cannonball. How did you even begin to learn it? That’s the job I got right after I didn’t make it into school. Somebody called my mum looking for a girl to do it. My mum goes: “You should try out for that.” I go, ‘Oh ma, I’m so bad at math’, because one of my coaches used to be shot out of a cannon in the seventies, like forever ago. Back then there were a lot of calculations involved, so I thought to do it, I would have to do math and I was horrible at math in school, just horrible.

But I got talked into going and for the audition they do high falls. So you stand up on this crane kind of thing and you jump into the airbag to kind of simulate how you land. They couldn’t actually shoot you out of a cannon until you signed the contract, that’s how crazy this was. I signed without ever having been shot out. You start with short and low shots, so the first one I did was only about 20 feet in length and you just gradually raise the angle and go farther and higher. In the act I went about 75 feet lengthwise and 40-45 feet high.

Was the sensation wonderful? Oh, the flying! I have never experienced a similar adrenaline rush… ever. It’s kind of a hard high to top. I would come off the air bag and my hands would literally be shaking because I had so much adrenaline going through my system. 

So tell us about your solo show. 
I was really resistant to putting together a one-woman show. My brother Kellin has his own show and he has a show with Keaton, when he’s home. I never thought I had enough material to do it. I was doing a show with a friend, who is with Circus Monti right now with their dinner theatre. She was going for that contract and we still had shows left on the calendar so I ended up putting my show together to fill those spots and realised I did have enough material. It’s kind of centred around me and an empty chair… the waiting for somebody to fill that chair, whether that be a boyfriend, a husband or a parent, whatever audience members connect to that. For me it changes daily. The show’s very different when I’m in a relationship personally, or if somebody’s passed away it changes quite a bit emotionally. The acts don’t change but what I’m expressing as a performer has so much to do with my personal life. I put it together and it’s kind of taken on a life of its own.

I do a comedy bit, so I pull a guy out of the audience and we lipsync an entire song together. For me that’s always fun because I get to interact with the audience. It’s always different. You never know who you’re gonna get; if he’s gonna sing, if he’s gonna sit there embarrassed. I had a guy come up and he was deaf and I didn’t realise it. His wife or girlfriend was in the audience signing the entire song to him. It was so incredible and he wrote to me on Facebook later thanking me. So that was really cool. A few months ago I got a guy who’d just beaten cancer. I picked this guy and his daughter told me afterwards that they were out celebrating. It was fantastic. To hear those stories and to be able to touch lives is incredible. It’s something I will never be able to get over.

Which of your many, many skills are in the show? I do a hula-hoop act, a static trapeze act and my lyra act, and a sort of dance routine-thing – it’s like a movement piece essentially – and I do some comedy.

What are your hopes for your future? I would love to take this show on tour around some theatres in the States and Europe. I’m always interested in going different places and teaching. I find that really rewarding. I’d love to work on a company; 7 Fingers and Eloize are two of my favourites. Circa is a little more contemporary than I where I am professionally. It suits Keaton very well but it’s just not cup of tea. So, yeah, I would love to travel some more. The highest priority on my list right now is just to see the world and to share my art with as many people as I possibly can.

Was there ever any other career you had in mind? In 25 years, I’ve taken two years off circus. One was for an injury when I was 15 and then again after I got off Ringling, I was burnt out and I stopped. I worked a lot of regular jobs; in a restaurant… I was the assistant to the director of the Psychoanalytic Institute. But the thing that really interests me, which is so weird in a weird way is that I really like forensic pathology. I don’t think I’d ever go into it because I love what I’m doing so much but, you know, the study of dead people and the diseases that take their lives and figuring out how somebody was killed, I find that stuff very fascinating.

Can you pick out a couple of career highlights? Oh, that’s a hard one. One would be performing at the Spoleto Festival with my partner, Claire, when I was 15. It was the same festival my mum had performed at with her partner. That was really amazing. Going to Israel with a group of children, we did a partnership there, that was incredible. Getting shot out of the cannon and getting to ride the elephants was another highlight. There are so many, but for me the biggest thing is that I’ve gotten to perform with my family and my friends and I really feel that I’ve brought joy to so many people. I know that sounds so clichéd but to bring some sort of escape to somebody is really what I want to be able to do and to offer them an experience that they can’t get anywhere else, or even if they do come and see the show again I hope it will be a different experience. That’s the highlight for me.

Elliana Grace performs at Circus Hamony’s City Museum on various dates until the end of 2017. For show dates and times click here

Elliana Grace’s website and Instagram

Twitter: @circusharmony

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