#this was SO much and im so sorry. but i have to cover everything for it to make sense. context is key
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Big squeeze pt.2
Note: I’m so sorry it took so long but I’m back!
Characters- Ace, Deuce, Cater, Jade, Jamil
Warnings- deuce pushing you away, deuce summoning a cauldron onto his head, deuce crushing ace with a cauldron, Jamil giving you the silent treatment
Ace-
• at first I think he wouldn’t like it that much, mainly because it would catch him off guard and he didn’t want to seem vulnerable
• honestly ace would be one of those guys who would squeal then cover it up by yelling because they don’t wanna seem girly
• Ace’s face would be red but yes he likes it (loves it)
• He’d tease you for it a lot, but the moment you revoke his squeezing privileges he’d be a whiny mess
• like a five year old who was told they couldn’t have ice cream type of whiny
• Ace would try, key word is try, to discreetly follow you around until he got what he wanted
• but everyone can tell by the way he’s trailing after you that he’s probably wanting affection
• he’s not very good at hiding his feelings, his face says everything before he can even speak!
• Ace isn’t very used to being the one chasing after someone’s attention, he used to be a playboy after all.
• so it’s strange for him to be feeling this way.
• Once he gets what he wants he’s in pure bliss though, he likes the feeling of being secure in your arms.
• After a long day of dealing with failed potions and deuce summoning a cauldron that ends up falling on him, he’s just happy to recharge in your embrace.
Deuce-
• he’s a lot more of a sweet heart about it
• Deuce definitely likes the squeezing but sometimes it can be a bit much
• so you need to make sure to read his mood before giving him one because it reminds him of his fights he used to get in
• on those days where he needs affection he will ask for one, maybe in his dorm room (he doesn’t want Grimm or Ace to be there) it’s a lot quieter compared to ramshackle
• he will usually lay next to you awkwardly for a while until you get fed up and pull him on top of you, his favorite position
• it’s the easiest way for you to squeeze him, but eventually your arms will get tired
• when that happens he likes to switch positions so you can still give him that sense of pressure and security
• don’t take it to heart if he randomly yells when you do it though, he isn’t mad, just startled
• he accidentally pushed you away a few times, each of those times he summoned a cauldron to drop on himself
• be surprised he doesn’t have brain damage
Cater-
• as long as you don’t do it in public he loves them!
• even though he’s a very social person and seems to not care too much about what others think of him, he does.
• he likes to keep this wall up, only allowing others to see a part of him that isn’t entirely truthful
• but when your alone he feels he can be himself, affectionate and calm
• he doesn’t feel like he needs to hide himself away from you
• he likes when he can just experience something without sharing it with others
• of course he will sometimes post you squeezing him, but those types of posts are rare because even though he loves to show you off, he likes to keep some aspects of your “relationship” (crush, or relationship) private
• he’s the type that likes it every once a while (maybe twice a week?) but overall doesn’t mind it if you do it all the time
• he just thinks it’s nice to be surprised, it feels more special this way, and less suffocating
• when you do squeeze him he always gets flustered, burying his face into your neck
•These are the times you see him smile, and not one he put on just for show, a real smile…
Jade-
• Im not even gonna put it any other way- he will bite you.
• he’s like his brother, mischievous and sneaky, except he doesn’t have so much mood swings as Floyd
• he’d shake his arms around your waist, and before you can continue to squeeze him harder he beats you to it
• he doesn’t do it as hard as Floyd usually does but it still takes your breath away.
• that just makes you love squeezing him even more.
• but be aware you will be getting harassed by Floyd because now he’s jealous and that just will not do!
• Jade likes to be a tease and kiss the place on your neck where pulse can be felt against his lips
• he enjoys how it’s quicker do to the restrained breathing
• “Jade I cant breathe!” You’d say between giggles
• “should’ve thought of that before you squeezed me…” he’d mumble, voice muffled with his lips against your neck
Jamil-
• at first he’s NOT having it
• that’s his personal space man like what the hell do you think your doing?
• once you get in a relationship he’ll be more accepting of if (he loves it)
• he’s never really felt like he could have something to himself so he’s happy that you aren’t doing it with anyone else-
• what’s this? You gave kalim one of your squeezes because he did you a favor?
• que temper tantrum
• I’m talking silent treatment, side eyes, huffs of air, avoiding you like the plague.
• you will literally have to trap him for him to acknowledge you
• of course he misses you but his jealousy is strong, he’s had to give up so many opportunities to serve Kalim and now that he thought he had something for himself, it wasn’t just for him?
• you quickly pick him up bridal style, causing a loud yelp to leave his lips
• he feels you bury your face into the crook of his neck as a hand goes through his hair with a certain care
• “I’m sorry for whatever I did to make you mad… please stop ignoring me..” You said, sounding genuinely confused and hurt.
• damn now he feels like a dick! Especially with how you sound like your abt to cry (srry if your not that type of person)
• “I…don’t worry about it…” he’d grumble
• obviously you don’t take it as that, squeezing him tighter as you change positions so that his legs are now wrapped around your waist, giving you more access to hugging him.
• “I am worried about it though…”
• he sighs hiding his face away with a small groan “I was jealous
•You park up “Hm?”
• “I was jealous of when you squeezed Kalim, I don’t want you doing that with anyone else…but me.” He’d whisper
• that’s when you cup his cheeks and press a kiss to his lips.
•you learned quickly that it was worth it to just share this with him, you’d show your appreciation some other way because this was reserved for Jamil.
#twisted wonderland fluff#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland x reader#cater x reader#cater diamond#ace trappola twst#ace trapolla x reader#deuce spade x reader#deuce spade#ace trappola#jade leech x reader#jade leech#twst jamil#jamil viper x reader#jamil viper#fanfic
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hi!!! i appreciate everything you do and your fics are always soooo goood, last night i read a drarry fic that upset me and now im in need of fics where draco feels safe with harry and seeks comfort in him. so if you have any kind of fics with that vibe id appreciate it very very much, take your time, and thank you for looking into it!!!
Thank you for the kind words, anon! I’m sorry you’re feeling upset, I hope these fics work for you 🫂
in advance by M0stlyVoid (E, 3.5k)
Draco's been scared of fire since the Battle of Hogwarts. Harry likes wax play. This is how they work together to face Draco's fear and get what they both want.
Silence series by RurouniHime (E, 10k)
It was his battle, yet he never hurt me, and he could have.
Solve Us Like a Mystery by tryslora (T, 12k)
When Harry stops in at the bookstore where Draco works, they find a surprising shared interest in mysteries.
The Body Keeps Score by amorsindolor (E, 13k)
Draco cries during sex. A story about touch, intimacy, and the healing we find through mutual trust and love.
Between Myth and Man by slytherco (E, 16k)
Draco, lost and a little broken, navigates post-war reality convinced that people like him should not be allowed to make their own choices. To solve the problem of his self-sabotaging tendencies, he starts taking a few drops of Veritaserum every morning.
Vale Sanare by RurouniHime (M, 23k)
Draco’s world gains a new component just when he thought he’d sorted everything out.
In Your Arms, Rests My World by @l0vegl0wsinthedark (E, 24k)
Harry presses his mouth to Malfoy's forehead; he wants to tell him that he’ll never leave, that he wouldn’t dream of it. “You make me feel safe, Potter” Malfoy whispers. “You keep me safe.”
Inside Your Mind by @lazywonderlvnd (E, 36k)
Goyle's taken it upon himself to act as Malfoy's personal, one-man guard and Harry can't help but feel like it's only making the bullying worse.
As Souls From Bodies Steal by Femme (E, 41k)
Hope may be found in the oddest of places, even in the bleakness of winter.
Super Rich Kids by trishjames (E, 81k)
Draco Malfoy has become disillusioned by the glitz and glamour of the scandalous lives of the Post-Second Wizarding War Pureblood Elite. Enter: one existential crisis, one group of thieving cynical friends, and several terrible, terrible decisions.
The Paradox of Active Surrender by korlaena (E, 108k)
When Draco shows up as a suspect in a murder case after eight years of no contact, Harry has to balance his professional life and his past friendship with Draco.
A Sword Laid Aside by korlaena (E, 128k)
When Draco’s cover is blown during a deep undercover operation and the Ministry is compromised, Ron takes Draco to the only safe place he can think of—Potter.
There Is Always the Moon by firethesound (T, 159k)
Draco's life after the war is everything he wanted it to be: it's simple, and quiet, and predictable, and safe. But when a mysterious curse shatters the peace he'd worked so hard to build, there's only one person he can trust to help him.
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Responding to the ask request ‼️
What if.. tragic seer!harry au... He keeps making prophecies about an incoming but no one listens because they want to stay in their little bubble where there's no conflict and all is peaceful .. I got inspired by the song "Cassandra" by Taylor swift if you've ever heard it <3 the timeline and the characters around harry are up to you if you are interested in this prompt !! Hope you have a great day <3
(Ive not heard the song, but Im familiar with Greek mythology! This, though, is set shortly before 1348 and the bubonic plague that killed 1/3 of England's population)
-
Harry fingers the fine embroidery on his robes — a gift from his parents for turning 16 — and tries to banish the images of destruction from his mind.
"Are you concentrating, Harry?" His tutor. An old friend of his parents who he's known forever.
Harry shakes his head. "Sorry, I was. Something about Hastings?"
Lupin hums but a smile twitches across his face. "If I'm boring you, we could take a break? Your father was suggesting you spend some time practising for the jousting competition at the end of the month."
Harry shakes his head, again. There is a sour taste in his mouth, something rancid — not as rancid as the bodies, he tells himself, piled on carts, covered in red sores, and then, out, out, out. He doesn't want to think about the plague he knows is coming, the death.
"What would..." Harry hesitates. He's pleaded with his family over the last year, to close the borders, to ask the alchemists and the cunning folk to find a cure, but they laughed him off easily the first few times, and talked about sending him away after that. "If the population..."
Lupin sighs. He kneels beside Harry's desk, his knees creaking slightly. "We've talked about this Harry," he says softly, like he's being kind. "God won't deliver penance when we haven't sinned."
It's not about sin, Harry wants to say. He shuts his mouth instead.
They won't listen. They never do. They'll suffer for it, Harry knows, and there is nothing that can be done, but he prays every night that this time will be the one they take him seriously.
"Never mind," he says instead, frowning a little. "Keep talking about 1066. It doesn't matter."
The gift — it's not really a gift, it's a curse — came from Riddle. An older boy in the castle, Harry had liked him, liked him a lot, actually. Too much so, that was the problem.
Riddle was manipulative, he'd persuaded Harry into things Harry wasn't sure were allowed, and things Harry was certain weren't allowed.
"I'll give you a gift," he said, smile sharp as they'd leaned in the shade of a tree. "It'll be our secret, yeah? And then you can come away with me."
Harry grinned back and nodded. Seconds later, he was aware of every moment of being, twisting from him in a map of coloured threads. And when he'd looked at Tom, looked at the possibilities, the futures, the everythings, he realised couldn't be with the older boy anymore.
"No," he'd said. "No. You should leave and never come back."
Tom had shrugged, sneering slightly. "You know what you're doing. You'll come crawling back to me soon enough, begging me to love you."
Harry had laughed. "I really won't." He was the seer nobody believed, he was a myth, he knew exactly what the future held and it didn't hold Tom. "Goodbye."
His dreams came true, his thoughts. Things happened around Harry, and they kept happening and they wouldn't stop. Harry knew everything and it hurt in the base of his heart.
(And when the bodies had piled up, no one missed a local lord's son, and no one cared to remember he had warned them.)
#tomarry#tomarrymort#soulseeker#ive written this several times over i hope i got the vibes you wanted!#writing ask
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hi I just wanted to say your tags on the gaster poll posts are so correct yessss (always enjoy your takes just in general). thank you for being one of the seemingly very few people out there who also believes there's no way the timeline works for gaster and alphys to have been colleagues. however, him haunting her benevolently is something I'm 1000% here for <3 (also I hope your finals went well and you get to have a nice relaxing break!)
HII HELLO HI im glad you like them!!! knowing you read these motivates me to keep being Absolutely Very Normal About Him on the internet
personally it's less of a believing thing and more of a come on it's written right there thing, but since we're here.
behold! dingus timeline. (and the hottest of takes with freshly baked personal headcanons otherwise what am i doing)
Not a skeleton?
Isn't 201X too early?
Indeed, not a skeleton, but rather, some guy. Something about how monster's bodies are manifestations of their SOUL, and him oddly resembling a strange looking man does well to represent his insatiable curiosity and love for creating. (things humans are known for in a better light)
On the other hand, you will be pleased with how fascinated he is by "FLESHLINGS AND THEIR CALCIUM DEPOSITS".
And then they fucking died.
201X is the year the first human fell into the underground, and shortly after, the royal family has moved to New Home. This means some decent exploration of the cavern has already been made. Scientists could very well already have been working on optimizing life underground, with special attention to the large and ever growing new capital.
My idea? As this idiot has been aiding exploration with his antics, Gerson was the one to appoint him to Asgore. Something about his talent with turning garbage into non-garbage. With a little patience and getting familiar with his odd manerisms, it was not too long until he got to be the prince's weird godfather.
Cracking already?
And everyone was devastated, mainly the close family. Not only that, but amidst your mourning, the one couple responsible for your unrealistically high standards for romance just divorced. Is love even real anymore. You eat ants with your cereal and your work consists mainly of convenience improvements and absolutely nothing groundbreaking. What's the point of breaking that pesky barrier again? Child murder? Come on.
That's the Wingdings PATIENCE and BRAVERY encountered in their adventure. Dear god, you're lame. Aren't you some kind of genius? Get yourself together! And together he got his self, now, he has children to look after. Surely there must be some other way. He must stop coming up with new flavours for chips and find some other way.
... Dear god, the King is going to kill them.
BONES and DT
Listen. He's old. You got your wrinkles, he's got his cracking. What? You meant to point out some major event of injury must have been responsible for his current state of deformity? Well, he's old AND heartbroken. That's a direct blow to the SOUL, okay.
Jokes aside (kind of), doing any lasting damage to a monster is quite difficult given their magic forms can easily be healed through, well, magic. They can, however, eventually "fall" (wink wink) and dust away with age - which cannot, however, be fixed with magic.
With a little determination however ...
Something about the anomaly.
He found it, the other way. It was the bones all along, the so needed sustainance for channelling such a high concentration of that power. Well, not necessarily, but a boney structure will endure much more and last much longer than a meaty one. Also, it looks so cool.
You know this guy, he gets first dibs on any and all dubious substances that might or might not deal the last hit to the nail on his coffin dust urn(?). And when it all works out (dubious), he might as well play a little. What kind of things can he make? With the material properties of these calcified remains infused with his own magic, animated with determination.
Some new, powerful magic tricks?
A new kind of monster, maybe?
DARK, DARKER, YET DARKER.
There is a lot of interesting things one can do with isolated DT, aside from making bones rattle with life - for example, peeking onto the complex layers and ramifications of what composes reality. This is when the already kooky scientist grows a little mad; manic, if you will. This is the Wingdings sans was familiar with.
Time travel this, resets that, blah blah blah alpha timeline, the anomaly, the angel, the anomaly again, all things that only make sense to him and his illegible mess on the black board. The lack of detail is killing him, he needs to know what it is - what it does, why it does, how it does. Not to stop it, no, there is no stopping it.
Rather, an overwhelming need to understand it.
He falls somewhere in recent history, details of it left ambiguous. The shattering, combined with the amount of DT running in his magical... mathematical physiology, rendered all of his self but an espectator of his reality; confined to the code and unable to do anything but watch, powerless before the nature of his very being, like a corrupted program.
It is all rather frustrating, besides the burden that is coming to terms with simply not existing anymore, watching was pretty much all this research was and now ever will be. That is, until something interacts with him. It is different from the tragic prince, whom no matter how much DT he's accumulated, he is just as confined to this world's rules as other elements. Not this one, not the force from beyond. Not "YOU".
He makes it a mission to reach out, despite the limits of the code, to give away bits and pieces of him and see if you bite. But not too much, he's seen how you tend to exhaust a world for knowledge, something he can oddly sympathize with. I mean, what will you do once you find everything? One cannot fully know a person.
Maybe in another world, prophetized by a cute, little white dog. A much better world for everyone, without so much as war or disease, his greatest creation yet. And he could invite you to it, to experience bewilderment, to be reminded of wonder. If it could even help you, wherever you are, to deem your own world worth of partaking ... then the experiment was a success.
#artwork#inbox#freakbullet#gaster#wd gaster#undertale#deltarune#character design is my passion#not so much graphic design i suck at this#WIPES SWEAT#happy new year!! i've been writing this since christmas!!!!!#sorry if you have to squint at my handwriting its a big canvas#just zoom in#also sorry if my writing lacks extensive details if you were looking for any#im one for visual narrative#so i tried my best to convey everything in the simplest structure i could#and cut short a lot of specifics that are not relevant for a timeline dissection#things like complex feelings and worldbuilding related shenanigans#i will definitely cover these in the future perhaps in the form of comics#this just isnt the place#this is all you need to get a grasp on the character :pray:#there is a lot of proportion inconsistencies on post tragedy old man dont point them out#its just that i've redrawn him like thrice and i was like. you know what? it doesnt have to be perfect#he'll make a cameo when i post fallen humans art
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procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally
#on my friends living room floor they love together but one of them has been london for weeks or maybe months#to be with her love. im on a foam mattress from one of their beds next to a glass bottle of water opened by one of them#in a mug given to me by another. the weather felt like my childhood today and it also felt like 2 years ago.#(put space in the heavens Einstein's idea and hes your friend too so nothing to fear) around the table they drank and laughed and i thought#i hope you keep growing so full with the love you receive . i hope your appetite becomes insatiable from how used to it you are#and i know youre all leaving soon but i hope one day you miss this and that youll be happy you miss it#its worth missing i think#i thought he didnt care but he said after exams hes going walk around this area over and over#(this is near where he lived and where we visited almost daily for a year)#(hed come across the bridge on a lake)#we went where she used to live and at the entrance a fox sat calmly. it just yawned and stared.#it felt important somehow. i think maybe their impressions of me will never be close to how i feel inside but i think#i love them enough for that not to matter. i dont think theyll ever know this. i dont think if they did it would change much.#and seeing them smile makes my heart glow anyway. today i tried their malaysian tea the ginger burned my throat#they warmed my heart. hes going to canada soon and hes going to the US soon and shes going everywhere soon ill never understand#how were supposed to live with memories and with seperation and with the past but we do it anyway so i think it doesnt matter much#i wanted to write a poem for the lab rats with the fibre optic wires lit with blue forcing them to turn around and around#something about how im sorry that the two photon arrays burned the inside of your brain. im sorry about the sharp points of multielectrode#arrayes. im sorry about everything we do to you. she asked to see me tomorrow. im trying to have self control but i miss her so awfully#last night my friend talked to me and i updated on everything that happened with love and the lack of it and she just started laughing#and she told me about the same thing from her side. and she told me about how she loved london because she would walk the streets#and she felt like the people were her. and her eyes would go over the people and the bag of bagels and the construction men they probably#have a kid at home maybe shes a daughter. this kid is crying for her mother and the building you just walked past caused#blisters and pain and people died in it and very likely people were born in it. we talked for hours and i felt like#i was holding her hand just like that time she held mine watching a horror film. i love her so much#my friend is a genius and i remember her picking up the charms of my phone and staring at the leaf hanging from them. shes side stepping to#music drinking dangerous cider and cocktails from a movie and chit chatting with billionaires and undergrads#i love her dearly. his head covered in electrodes. she tells me about a syrian guy shes in love with and she says#what you feel and what i feel is like cocaine. ive tried a lot of fucking cocaine.#she says ive reminded her of what living actually feels like and to never put energy into someone who doesnt see me this way.
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can i ask why you dont ship with the newer(i forgot the word but like. 2021/current) cabaret emcees? no hate just curious!
it's okay anon! i figured someone would ask eventually. it's kind of a lot so i’m putting this under a read more, but i preface it all by saying GO WATCH CABARET.
the ‘93 mendes off-west end production (which was cut for tv) & the 2014 revival (broadway, based on the ‘98 revival) are both free and available on youtube in their entirety. you can also find the ‘72 film easily online, but it's quite different than the previous two.
okay preface over.
tl;dr they kind of made him a representative of nazism, but without making him a nazi. not only does it ruin the character (who has been primarily represented as a queer jewish man for 30 years now) but also the core of what makes cabaret so powerful of a story.
warning: something near 1200 words of cabaret/emcee analysis ahead
so. before i can talk about current cabaret, i kind of have to go over previous cabaret. if you are entirely unfamiliar, it is a musical that takes place in 1930s weimar republic-era germany. you can see where this is headed, i’m sure.
it's wholly a musical about the consequences of political indifference, and a LOT of what makes it so powerful thematically is that there is no happy ending, famously, and the audience is very much meant to feel uncomfortable. we all know what happens in the 40s in germany. even your most basic world history knowledge will assure you that. throughout the story, there is an ever-increasing presence of nazi ideology, and we see the trickle down of indifference and support of the nazi party begin to affect our characters lives, until the main plot (which is a love story) becomes overshadowed by the very real presence of modern (diegetically modern, at least) politics. the sentiment is echoed very much so at the end, either with characters stepping up outside of the narrative to quote themselves (“its just politics, what does it have to do with us?” and the like) or in the case of the film, literally showing the titular cabaret’s audience littered with nazis. it's quite the shock to those who are unfamiliar, but so, so powerful a message in the end, that there is no ignoring it. and such a message is so very very relevant currently.
so. now onto emcee, a character that exists only within the frame of the cabaret (the kit kat club, as it's named within the story). there's kind of two ‘types’ of emcee: emcee as a concept, and emcee as a character.
in the original productions, he was definitely more a concept than a character. like of course he was physically present, but his role was really more about what he represented; all of his songs mirrored plot points and cultural sentiments -- i’ve seen a lot of people interpret him as the devil in the film? i am guessing because he is so disconnected to the rest of the cast, and because he is so very grounded only in the thematic representation of how the culture in germany allowed the nazis to rise to power without explicit consent. he isn't a nazi or anything, just this indifferent figure with a sort of sinister vibe, he doesn't do a whole lot otherwise. we don't know anything about him, really. he's just kind of an off putting little pervert. i kinda dig it though.
but, flash forward to what a lot of people think of as the definitive production, in 1993. sam mendes absolutely fucking KILLED it with this one. the production had a modern taste to it, no longer was cabaret stuck in the aesthetic of the old burlesque, the new aesthetics and theming was really like nothing else. the show got far more explicit, from the dingy visuals of the club and all its inhabitants to the raunchy, in your face humor, the emotional acting of every performer, it was an entirely an incredible interpretation, somehow still so alluring, it was easy to find yourself drawn into this world (or rather club) that frames the show -- which made the ending hit so much harder.
in this version, emcee is more a character than a concept. still one we know very little about, of course, and still existing only within the club, but a character nonetheless. i always say this is an emcee you can see going home to some shitty, dingy, waterlogged studio apartment. alan cumming kills the role, and brings a nuanced emotional performance to a character that, before, had little but aloof apathy to his surroundings -- even down to a subtle character arc. he begins as this grand hedonist, and following the arc of the story, slowly degrades, even down to subtle detailing implying he is an addict (this is more explicit in later productions), desperate and alone, and doing really anything to survive, including feigning indifference to everything.
the ending of this production has him center stage, in full camp stripes (bearing both jewish and homosexual insignias, i may add, which establishes him as a queer character for the first time despite it being very heavily implied -- honestly i'm inclined to say downright stated -- throughout the show, and which has since become a staple of his character) and ends with him being killed there. it's a fucking shock, given he is someone that has seemingly not existed outside of the club (i’m compelled to quote his purposefully ironic repeated line, “we have no troubles here”) or within the political turmoil and problems that exist outside of the kit kat's walls, facing this very real consequence of the rise of nazis to power.
so, yeah. it's kind of a lot. but the point is, the ending is what makes it so effective. it establishes that no matter who you are, no matter if you take a side, they will come for you. there are no ‘good ones’ to them.
the ‘98 production hones in on perfecting the emotional development of the characters really, including the emcee (this is where his drug addiction is fairly explicit, and you can see his facade begin to crumble throughout the show, among a few other details that really tie his arc together) and refining the parts that didn't quite work in the ‘93 production, but we don't have a recording of that. the 2014 production is replicating ‘98 (as are other smaller productions, like the 2019 olney theater production with mason alexander park who was later cast in the 3rd broadway revival, which is to say the ‘21-’24 productions i will talk about momentarily) so if you choose only one to watch, i cannot recommend the 2014 production enough.
now, the ‘21 london (and onward, including the current broadway run) productions are…strange. they take the aesthetics of the ‘93/’98 productions and mash them with the upbeat/kind of ethereal tone of the original. it's not bad per se, just really bold. i think it would put off a lot of potential fans on presentation alone.
for some god fucking forsaken reason, they also decide that instead of showing nazis explicitly, they're going to dress people up in this corporate-drone getup? which is so….??????? okay? but they still set the show in 30s germany and show swastikas? ?????
in this production, instead of the slow decline of emcee from this aloof character divorced from the outside world to a frightened, broken queer man facing death (i will never overstate enough how good they handle him in ‘98/’14), he begins to dress..conservatively. from the near-naked, striptease outfit to…a suit. and a blonde wig. and no makeup. and…yeah. you get it. in the end, there is no resolution to his character, which may i remind you is the WHOLE ending in ‘93/’98/’14. that's what hammers the “you need to fucking ACT” part of the theme, which is to say ALL OF IT. he's just suddenly a representation of nazism, without being a nazi. i guess they're trying to go back to “emcee as a concept” except…it's so ineffective. the show just ends. no call to action. instead of leaving audiences with the reminder they WILL come for you, that there is no “indifference,” only silent consent, you're leaving them…with the idea that they're a nazi? except 99.9% of the audience will walk away saying “well i’m not a nazi, so…”
it takes the first step of “indifference is just as bad as support” without the second half of “and now they will come for you anyways.” it's SO dumb. i could rant forever about it.
so, yeah. i don't care for the new productions. and i don’t care for the desecration of a character that makes the show as powerful as it is. and i really fucking hate they made him kind of a nazi.
#.ask#this was SO much and im so sorry. but i have to cover everything for it to make sense. context is key
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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I really hate how my physical body looks so so so much. unfortunately there isn't much I can do about it.
#ive got fat genetics from both parents families going back generations and ive been trying to lose weight forever#my stupod body likes being fat i can excercise like crazy and eat barely anything and i wont lose anything#i was excercising 2+ hours a day before i got sick and it made me stronger but i.stayed fat. now that im sick im weak and still fat.#and im not the kind of fat anybody can find pretty. if i could somehow not be fat id be decent to look at my face isnt bad#my skin is bad though my skin sucks#in my eyes im disgusting#and its so messed up because i dont think other fat people are gross#but i hate how i look so much that i cant imagine anyone being okay with it#like no matter how kind and understanding and sweet i am to people its never gonna make up for the fact that my body is grossly ugly#and i cant blame anyone for not liking me i get it.#sorry#this is a problem i have#bacause i just usually pretend my body doesnt exist and i wear pretty loose fitting dresses that cover me completely so but#even though i am what i am#sometimes you happen to meet a nice person and they are polite and dont seem disgusted by your existance so then your traitorous brain t#thinks hey maybe this person would be willing to marry us someday if they got to know us. which is so silly becuz theres no way thatd ever#so it makes me sad when i should be happy that a nice person talked to me. yay good job successful friendlyness. but it has to remind me#that i had this expectation from when i was a kid that id marry somone and have at least 3 kids and love my kids and take care of them and#give them everything i needed when i was a kid. and of course that never happened. because i never dated anyone. because people dont just#magically get married out of nowhere. its stupid. so i keep trying to be okay with whatever. but i guess i never stopped wanting a family.#which we know im aroace now so. i need to stop. but my brain is always bothering me about this.#why can't i just accept that no one will ever love me. why cant i be happy that they dont?#ive got cats#someday i will have irl friends again#sorry i think everything would be so much easier if i was just#this isnt a problem with an easy solutiom#i guess im gonna try to do the useless excercises again because at least it will look like im trying even though nothing will change
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The Bad Batch season 3 has been interesting thus far. I really liked episodes 1-7 and I've nothing particularly bad to say about any of those episodes. But honestly episode 8, and after today, episode 9, it's once again gotten to be a bit of a pain to get through. Maybe I'm just too much of a Crosshair guy, idk. Today's episode especially irked me but last time I discussed the topics it delves into I got some pissy people in my notes and I'd rather avoid that this time around.
#star wars#star wars the bad batch#tbb spoilers#the bad batch spoilers#(not really spoilers but just in case yaknow)#to be as non-spoilery as possible:#midichlorian discourse is a beast and talking to most people about it is about as fun as pulling teeth#finding someone with nuanced takes about it is incredibly difficult#by the way. this post is not an invitation for people to run into my notes and whine#which was a problem i had when posting about s2#fun concept: me having an opinion doesnt mean you have to agree or try to convince me otherwise#sorry if im sounding aggressive in these tags or am being way more weird about this then i should be#i did Not have a good time trying to talk about tbb s2 and the ahsoka show on here and it kinda...#made it less fun to post my thoughts. bc felt like everything i said was being taken in the worst way possible#thus im not posting much about tbb s3 and when i do im gonna cover my ass with lengthy tags like this#also im autistic and i feel the need to explain everything i do. so here we are. sorry to the 3 people who will ever see this#regardless its my blog and if i wanna rant in the tags then dammit. i will
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Random people put a like on my ryusen marriage post every once in a while this makes me happy i like ryusen
#Listen to my problems#actual s tier ship ...#the best most awesome ships in the fandom are ryusen and kohagen#a tier ships are kohaluna (shoukd be s tier but they dont have enough canon points) and mozgen#that one guy on twt who ships senxen like a maniac is fucking awesome also. and putting senku on top is actually more based than anything in#this life or the next. like yeah ??? yeah ??????????#until it becomes shotacon then sorry#but like GOD come on now#the reason why im not talking about tksn is because its in its own tier called tksn which is above everything else#actually stanxe is in the tksn tier too thats why i didnt talk about it#oh my god wait the reason why i like ryusen so much is because i see ryusui as asexual and senku as ... not !#waiter waiter ! more nonstandard pairings please !! wait i hope this post doesjt show up in the main tags im sorry#another ship i really love is kohahyo because like shes so cute and not even scared of him#i love shipping kohaku with men even though shes literally a lesbian to me because shes my comphet queen whos looking for a baby daddy#like if she cant have senku then she will pick gen but senku wants her to do it with tsukasa out of scientific curiosity but also kohaku#just existing as she is makes guys like her and i believe in my heart that hyoga has a soft spot for her cuz everyone does and shes the#baby of the fight crew (god she really is the youngest and tiniest member...) i say the fight team i literally mean only hyoga tsukasa and#kohaku because the three of them are always deployed together but i like to think hyoga has a little crush on her#like he has a little crush on gen too but because hes fun to bully and cute but for kohaku he wants to take care of her#and she will never fucking know because he will take this to his grave. sorry this is a ryusen post i love ryusen#what are the other good ships ... honestly joel and spiders is kinda.... OH MY GOD WAIT SPIDERS AND RYUSUI. SO AWESOME#i call her spiders because i used to cover her body with spiders but her name is minami and shes the reporter lady in love with tsukasa. my#favourite ryusui ships are with spiders and senku who are both madly in love with tsukasa (coincidence)#there was that one shipping chart i saw where everybody loves nikki and i thought that was funny as fuck like thanks ! true !!#i also like shipping gen with maya because i think he should sleep with as many people who can break his pelvis as possible. fandom bicycle#and ryusui gets to follow stanxe around because everyones his partner. i saw a fanart of him making out with taiju.. the scream i scrumpt...#but also yeah you need to commit to it or itll become lame and boring#i didnt talk about s/g because it sucks#anyway say congratulations to dr and mr stone for finally getting married congrats ryusen i dont even ship you two
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literally still thinking abt the liveshow. like that will be burned into my memory but also im SO SAD bc i think bc of technical difficulties this show isn't actually being uploaded to the paetron BUT IT WAS GENUINELY SO FUCKING GOOD. Like the dads as teens interacting with the s2 teens ??????? the dads as babies ???????? GENUINELY? I WISH I COULD BEAM MY MEMORY OF THIS SHOW INTO ALL UR BRAINS i need more ppl to know of its existence so i can scream about it. Also never fucking recovering from emo teenager henry actually
#dndads#cal rambles#like there was genuinely so much#so much stuff that I KNOW the tumblr part of the fandom would absolutely lose their shit over#IM SO SAD THAT IM NOT GONNA SEE THAT HAPPEN#WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY BEINF SO ECTASTIC THAT I GOT TO WITNESS IT#normal stabbed tilt in the heart with an arrow btw she kept trying to call his bluff and he got increasingly more unhinged#I CANT EVEN DESCRIBE EVERYTING THAT HAPPENED ACTUALLY SORRY IM JUSY STILL REALING FROM NORM STILL BEING SO MISERABLE AND UNHINGED#DESPITE THIS BEING PRE-S2 CANON#anyways genuinely if anyone has ANY QUESTIONS AT ALL abt it I WILL ANSWER!!!!!!!!!#rolling on ghe fucking ground i cant cover everything#not over glenn telling taylor he's perfect just the way he is ans to never change#not over henry telling normal to be his best self and GIVING NORMAL THE PG FIRST DRAWING OF TEENIE THEREBY INSPIRING NORMAL TO BE TEENIE#not over Scary instantly having a crush on emo teen Henry#not over Link saying PEACE OUT FUCKERS and leaving them all behind in what is essentially dimensional prison#not over the teenage Henry writing poetry abt Daryl and wanting to ask him out#TBH I HAVENT TALKED MUCH ABT IT BUT THE FIRST HALF WHERE THEY WERE BABIES? THAT WAS FUCKING TOP NOTCH TOO#anyways. i need to calm down and go the fuck to sleep
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okay thats interesting! in the SF try-outs during the song "legally blonde" she sings about how she cant be legally blonde, while in the official version AND THE DEMO she sings about letting her be legally blonde. which means that at some point they changed the lyrics around, and then changed them back! laurence o'keefe.... nell benjamin.... what occurs in your twisted minds
#covers mouth sorry so sorry guys#im a huge fan of beacon of positivity + good boy (elle puts a leash on emmett confirmed) + love and war (not in the demo but part of SF)#+ i liked some of the lyrics in the demo version of so much better (it called back to beacon of positivity!!! (i am insane)) such as:#I dream of your name next to my own but mine's looking fine up there alone#but i greatly prefer all the official songs we got. well. maybe good boy over ireland wouldve been fun (i think ireland is boring)#but itd play into the 'all men are dogs hurr hurr' joke that im glad they avoided. anyways. what was i saying.#right i havent listened to every version of everything yet (for example theres a SF version of chip on my shoulder i need to watch)#(and just the SF vers in general. shes hidden from me... why was emmett there before the remix... let me see their conversation)#but from what i have heard they made a lot of changes that were sorely needed. in take it like a man demo shes so much meaner??#it made me sad. it wasnt a duet + they wrung out the romantic tension (no subtext by calvin klein... sigh) + shes meaner!!!!#in the bway vers hes baffled but enjoys going along w it + she genuinely likes him even when hes wearing his regular clothes#but in the demo vers she keeps calling him stuff like ugly duckling and talking about how the geek is gone :( but she likes that geek..#the lines 'how much do you think i earn??' and 'kindly shut up :)' are funny but speak to a dynamic between the two that makes me sad...#follow me for more beautiful opinions on a fifteen year old musical#(heaves. do you know weird it is to see comments from 15yrs ago when this was actually showing. my brother is fifteen.)#god im so sorry i should be put down like a dog#lgb bootleggers are intense. i swear they got a bootleg every night or smth bc we got her shoe flying off + SF + kyle as understudy etc#go watch a so much better compilation sometime how did they take so many bootlegs?? how did you find them??#and its awesome cause these were filmed on 2007/2008 tech which means they have 15 pixels maximum#SORRRRYYYYYYYYYY
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flatmate has a girl over i am suddenly extremely uncomfortable
#sorry i only ever come here to rant its bc im losing all my interests / passions and always need someone to talk to but have no friends 🤪#negative cw#thats a lie partially in that i am emotionally incapable of talking ab it i just. i have no people i have no outlet#but tumblr hasnt been doing it for me lately. im not sure if jts#its the mental illness or if its just being full time employed leaves me so burned out that i can barely function#so hobbies just become non existent#doesnt really matter either way tho bc i can barely pay my bills on full time wages theres nothing i can do to fix things#time off or less hours isnt an option and i sont have the money to get anything diagnosed#i think i need. a lot of support ive been kinda rawdogging life for 26 years but ill be honest gang its starting to really impact everything#i do not. feel like i am a fully functioning human. i am not capable of being a functional adult in society#but its also like. i have to be#my parents dont really believe in mental health stuff or autism or anything and certainly wouldnt believe if i tried to say i was disabled#its just like. no one ever believes me ab that kinda stuff and i dont have the money to get it diagnosed#and without a diagnosis theres not much that can be done but also even with a diagnosis theres nothing#government disability allowance is $78 a week maximum and only covers specifically medical costs for that disability#like i genuinely feel on the verge of a breakdown so bad that i would need a care person#but alas. thats just literally never a possibility for me#i dont have money and i dont come from money and i will be forced to work full time through breakdowns until i die#there is nothing that can be done to help me or fix me#and that just. it sucks#anyway#hope this girl is nice bc my cat refuses to be in my room and its giving me anxiety bc what if hes scared of her and runs away#2 much going on in my head but i can not stop it so here we are#sorry y'all r my rant place#i have been thinking ab trying to step away from the internet a bit but its also.#not really a thing i can do bc everything costs money these days#social clubs r barely existent and the ones there are cost a shittone#I'd just. I'd like to be in a better place. I just don't know how to get there
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OH about the finale at the shrine, this completely slipped my notice when we were talking about it, but Ichi says he's "reporting" Jo's verdict to both Arakawa and Masato. It's just not translated that way.
Not too big of a difference (well, it is to me, but I'm insane), but if it was highlighting anything, I'd guess it's probably Masato's change of heart. It would've been fair for Ichi to assume Masato wouldn't care and only "report" to Arakawa, but in the context of Ichi doing his damnedest to show Masato they all love him, it works in terms of, "Maybe I made him reconsider, and maybe now he would care."
Also... I'm looking at it in a "measured" way, since the chapter trophies are always just standard "Nth Chapter Cleared" messages that the localization team just spices up for us, but there's something I find really poignant about the Chapter 13 trophy being worded as "Fate of Our Fathers." The pluralization of both the noun and pronoun. Realizations that come too late.
Of course, Masato definitely didn't "know" and had no real reason to suspect it, but the Arakawas have this bizarre subconscious almost-psychic link. So even if he doesn't really think so, there's this sense that Ichi "might as well" be Arakawa's "real" son because they're so much more alike. And maaaybe he felt that way about Jo and himself at one point, because (as we've discussed) there has to be a reason Jo was Masato's "favorite."
[Follow up to this ask]
#snap chats#yeah i have no real notes sorry LMAO LIKE THIS IS GOOD ON ITS OWN YK. every base is covered#LIKE nothing i could say could really enhance anything or add much. god im so bad at words i should drop dead right now#i can reaffirm that masato definitely sees ichi as arakawass 'real' son if his whole 'you remind me of dad' bit is anything to go off of#thats a weird line/sentiment now aint it#masato didnt consider him and ichi as family and ergo he's angry at how similar ichi and arakawa are#i guess that's more of a deep-dive into that hypothetical masato essay ill probably never get to- why masato hates arakawa like he does#about 'fate of /our/ /fathers/' tho thats def an interesting point no matter how you slice it#'our fathers' could refer to arakawa and sawashiro and ichi and masato respectively#i.e. masumi- ichi's bio father and sawashiro- masato's bio father- and what happens to them by the end of the game yk#there's an alt way to see if as both arakawa and sawashiro as both ichi and masato's fathers#though im gonna chewing my cheek on that one. sure we've compared sawashiro to an abusive stepparent#idk... i think it's just cause ichi shows up well into his teens that it doesnt register in my brain that sawashiro could be a father figur#but thats MY personal dumb ass rambling im just here to vaguely try to interpret the title in multiple ways to cover everything#moving on tho... the use of 'our' prevents 'fathers' referring to only one of them . so. Aforementioned Possibilities have been listed#making it sound like i have anything else to say I DONT I ALREADY SAID EVERYTHING dummy. putting myself in the dunce corner#on that note. hopefully it finally got through to masato how much people loved him before he got ganked#i mean for sure it did but yk. still mad about y7 ending im gonna kill someone In Minecraft#'i have nothing else to say' LIAR YOU ARE A LIAR !!!!! THE FUCK ARE THESE TAGS STUPID ASS#anyway im going back to my google doc. im almost done with another cringe fic. sorry#BYE
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oh nooo i stayed up late . do you think theyre going to kill me
#i know 1am is not that late in the scheme of my life but everytime anything like this happens i start getting scared its the start of#getting bad again and i dont want itttt. i just got my sleep schedule back on track like a week ago and im still trying to fix all the other#shit ...#its okay though im going to win this one i wonttt let my brain freak out abt it and keep me up longer. im going to lay down and go to sleep#and im going to stop imagining i can feel the pop burning me alive from the inside out <- i hate my shit idiot brain making shit up#the one thats rly been killing me is whenever i eat i. ummmmm.#dental tw#?#a2t#gross tw#? hopefully that covers me im SO sorry. but when i eat ive been feeling my teeth falling out and like chewing it feels like im chewing up my#my teeth and its sooo fucking annoying bc that only happened that one time youd think id be over it but nopeee. i thought it was just a high#fluke bc i ate likee. basically lunchables (ham cheddar) + salami and then i ate a bunch of cheesecake bc i was worried itd go bad but i#feel guilty bc there were exactly enough slices for everybody to try each flavor andni had already tried each flavor but i ate them bc its#been like. 2 weeks since anybody touched it but now im actually really very terrified that everyone was going to eat it tomorrow or#something and ive ruined everything#.closes my eyes and sniffles. whatever#but anyways yeah. so the teeth thing. i thought it was afluke and then this morning i was eating chocolate rice cake + peanut butter +#mashed up banana (food of the gods) and it was back. i think its tied to crunchy thats why it was happening with the crackers but not the#cheesecake. one assumes. but i also dont remember it mightve been there for the cheesecake. or the jello... i was out of it#anywaysss. i dont appreciate it . i wish my head would stop imagining scary things happening to my body#like its been happening for ages but its gotten so much worse these past couple of months since my big episode. and i know what were all#thinking perhaps less weed would cause less sorrow ? or however that post goes#but like idt its that related rly. yes i have more trouble ignoring them while high and its a bit distressing but not enough to like#stop. DJFNFJFNGNNGG. like 90% of the time i can grit my teeth an bare it and the other 10% ive learned to just stay in my room until it#stops so they dont get worried. the annoying thing is that its not confined to weed tho even right now i can feel something poking my lung.#all sucks. but its whatever and we move
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#sorry. i cant access twt and bluesky wasnt doing it for me (bc of the ppl there) but i need ta talk about elvis wtf 😭😭😭#i listened to burning love like probably 10 times today and i have this thing that i want to listen to a certain track on the album it first#came out#which i couldn't really identify cuz it was a single and i could find the record on spotify so i had to pick an album to make it the one i#listen to burning love#to loop it basically lmfao#and honestly???? that song is so good it makes me so happy and his voice is just fucking amazing ive always known that i knew it but this#time ive been hit by him so hard idk what happened but im enjoying it so much 😭😭 i also discovered this is a cover actually and i went#after the one who wrote it and sang it his name is Arthur i forgot his last name but he was also covered by the beatles and all these rock#white ppl like honestly its sad this happens all the time but im grateful he made this song cuz the melody os just beautiful and the energy#is there all the times i loveeee it so much!!! elvis makes his thing and also the band. the band enhances so much what he does it works so#well it makes my heart jump and feel shit right down my stomach it's instant dopamine serotonin and all the happy shit#ik this song is well known but honestly it is my fav. it's something about his deep ass voice and confidence and appeal that makes fall for#it. it's so attractive and addictive and it always fucking catches me im so happy im feeling like this byeeee#i wanna watch some videos of him before sleeping but i need to tidy my Things Hole. i was such in a good mood that i started cleaning it but#i didnt finish cuz my video finished exporting and ive been editing it until now and its almost 11pm and i need to put everything back but i#cant do it without wiping it all down and stuff i am gonna sleep late lmfao#anyways i love elvis :^)
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