#this was SO difficult I'm ngl
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Ten Books to Know Me
@aboxthecolourofheartache reblogged her version of this from ages ago but she'd tagged whoever saw it and it sounds very fun and difficult so let's do it!
Tris's Book by Tamora Pierce - I had a habit as a kid of always picking up the second book in a series, so this was the first of Tamora Pierce's books I read. Emelan had an effect on me on a microcosmic level, I'm pretty sure. Anyway, the protag of a whole world of mine is named Tris now, in homage to Trisana Chandler, so. the particulate is still kicking around in my brain.
Ptolemy's Gate by Jonathan Stroud - Another childhood FAVE. This series as a whole started fucking with what I understood a book to be. Also the ending of it has a vice grip on me to this day, and it is probably why so much of my writing is very vibey and favors ambiguous endings.
Cyrano de Bergerac - This was the first assigned reading I had in high school that I utterly LOVED. I love this play so much, I love the tragedy, I love the quiet sorrow. This was also the first proper tragedy that I remember really loving.
The Opposite of Loneliness by Marina Keegan - This is a book of poetry and short stories by a Yale creative writing student who was killed in a car crash very soon after graduating, compiled by her professor after her death. I read it repeatedly in college; it is really quite lovely.
Underland by Robert Macfarlane - Apologies to Box who wanted reading recommendations, but she is who introduced me to this book if I remember correctly, and I have spent the two years since I read it habitually picking up Macfarlane's writing without even realizing it. Absolutely phenomenal writing.
Staying with the Trouble by Donna Haraway - @ professor Haraway I know you are a semi-retired scholar and also in the most expensive college town on earth but are you looking for research assistants cuz uh
The Mushroom at the End of the World by Anna Tsing - I actually read both Staying with the Trouble and this book on the same weekend in the start of 2021. I compromised on not including Entangled Life by Merlin Sheldrake, which I felt was very cliche of me, by including this book, which had as much of an effect. Read those three and Pantheologies by Mary-Jane Rubenstein and you will have some semblance of an idea of what the spiritual portion of my brain looks like. In the interest of not writing the same blurb four times I left the latter two off but know they make up a little microcosm of 'you could make a religion out of this' for me.
The Cat Who Saved Books by Sosuke Natskukawa - A Japanese novel about a cat who appears to a teenager after the death of his grandfather, a bookseller. I read it when I was very frustrated with trying to read contemporary fiction and it was a bright spot among that. (I am still very frustrated with the state of contemporary fiction and this book remains a light.)
Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer - Okay I read this one most recently out of this list (over the summer) but it had been on my list for a long time and it really does live up to the hype because it is just so luminous in every sense.
Annihilation by Jeff Vandermeer - I had to put this one last simply because HOLY HELL. Rewired my brain. This is the goal I aspire to, this is the dream I dream, this is the highest peak among the mountain range of writing aspirations that I climb. If I can one day write anything even akin to the Southern Reach trilogy I will be ready to die, but that is an utterly unachievable goal so God's just gonna have to let me live forever, I guess.
#this was SO difficult I'm ngl#I had several more that I agonized over#the fact that there is no le guin on this? insanity. but regardless#also there were some that I didn't include cuz I read them too recently and didn't want to go too hard with the recency bias but#if anyone has read both underland and braiding sweetgrass 'the language of trees' features both authors and is STUNNING#megs is reading#also everyone read the alan dean foster novelization of star trek (2009). that was the other one from my childhood that hit so hard
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Big TW for pet loss
Hey, clangen tumblr and those who just enjoy the silly cats on this blog. I know it's been a little bit of time since my last update, but unfortunately during the past few months, I have been caring for my closest friend, Comet.
She's been my best friend for 15 whole years, and on February 9th of 2024, I'm sad to say that she has passed. I won't lie when I say that this is one of the hardest posts I've ever made, but I want to continue this blog in her honor. Normally, I have a terrible habit of just letting projects like this slip by me and gather dust; however Comet was meant to play an integral part within the blog to immortalize her, and I refuse to let something meant just for her to go to waste.
I want to thank you all first of all for being such an amazing community. I've genuinely had so much joy come of this blog, and it pains me that I let it go stagnant for as long as I have. There are 568 of you now, which is so extremely wild to me; but I hope that from now on, you can all love Comet as much as I did, even if as a memory.
I hope to return to posting content both here and on my main, @mxssacre , but for now I still need time to grieve and come to terms with the loss of someone that was so incredibly intertwined with everything I've done since I was 9 years old.
Thank you for everything Comet, my heart, my soul, my love.

More of my favorite photos of her beneath the cut.









It's hard to choose favorites out of the thousands of photos I've taken of her over the years, but I hope these do her justice to show what an amazing being she was. I hope you're hunting your toy mice in the stars, Comet.
#Yeah this is a not so great post I'm sorry#I won't lie to y'all I've been sobbing my eyes out for the past week but it's helping me come to terms to write about her#I wanted to draw something for her in order to post this but ngl I just can't right now#I will be okay for the record. it's just an extremely difficult adjustment for me and I really do love this community#Seriously though. I've seen the hundreds of notifications I get from this blog weekly. I cannot thank you enough for the love I've felt#tw animal death#tw pet death#tw pet loss#I'm not sure exactly how to tag this but I hope the warning at the beginning helps#I literally finished writing a memorial for her before writing this post so clearly I'm a little in my feels lmao#I tried finding some of her sillier photos to add but there are so many. I might post more on my main later when I try figuring out-#-my memorial tattoo#hug your cats extra tight for me ❤
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S2E1: Favorites of Cait
#this was a difficult choice i'm ngl#had so many good screencaps of her in this ep#wanted to include “keep your mouth shut”-cait but i don't think i like beret cait i'm ngl#arcane#arcane caitlyn#arcane cait#arcane s2#arcane season 2#arcane screenshots#arcane screencaps
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A while back I made this diagram about my thoughts on how an iterator puppet could hypothetically go off the string, while also trying to keep the idea that the superstructure is their body in mind, since I often feel that is very overlooked
TLDR I'd imagine since going off the string would require them to also get rid of like... 99% of their body they'd have to have something that could act as an anologue to all the parts they lost, but on a smaller and portable scale, most likely in the form of attaching the puppet to a creature via parabiosis, basically, hopefully that makes sense
Keep in mind this is all just opinion and theorizing!
#rain world#rain world downpour#my art#lex rambles#rain world headcanons#I feel like it could be possible hypothetically... But in the same way a head/brain transplant is possible hypothetically.#As in. It would be too difficult and probably not worth it to actually do. Alongside having a lot of potential complications...#iterator anatomy#rw iterator#I'm a big on the string believer ngl... Iterators are so cool I love them#rw headcanons
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bad batch request!! maybe tech and echo vibing or working on something together? i am also being extremely normal about the s3 tralier
my fave tech bros ‼️🫶 so glad i'm not the only one being Normal abt the s3 trailer. if we don't get more tech and echo interactions in the new season i will be banging on corbett's door TRUST
btw my bad batch drawing requests are still open! :> feel free to send me prompts, altho no promises that i'll get to them all or that i'll draw them in order 🫡
#the bad batch#tbb#tbb tech#tbb echo#star wars#sw#art#illustration#cryiling art#first time drawing echo im ngl it was really difficult 😭#struggling to make the clones recognizable but unwhitewash them 😔🙏#like my same face syndrome has always been SO bad but I'm rlly trying to improve 😭 hopefully it looks ok#THANK U FOR THE ASK THIS WAS SO MUCH FUN!!!!
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(ooc)
*clawing my way out of my grave*
I finally restocked the queue! Sorry for my continual Corpse behavior,, but you should have regularly scheduled content again for a bit!
#mostly posting this to say that I am going to try Very Very hard to finally get the werewolf fic's first chapter out by new years?#ideally with bonus scenes as thanks for the patience#i forget if ive stated it publicly here but ngl the election results really just killed my drive yknow? it has been. difficult#but a lot of really good and fun stuff has happened to me lately and I'm making strides according to my therapist so I think I'm finally +#+bouncing back!#I was kinda hoping I could try and take some commissions before Christmas but it looks like maybe early 2025 is when I'll start taking those#anyhow. i put like 40 things in the queue so it should run for a couple days if I don't continually feed it. idk if I'll have the time or +#+energy to do that but we'll see? (I'm hoping to maybe make some paper mache masks or something for a ren fair stall my mom's gonna run ✌️)#ooc#txt
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i'm back on tumblr (again)
#exams are over mostly#for now at least until may altough i might have one next week let's see#but so far so good#i did postpone a few unfortunately thought but it is what it is i'll still have to do them this semester#it's gonna be tough but i'll pull through and i want to prepare even better i can do this#the one's i did though i die exceptionally well on which makes me kinda proud ig#i got an a on two really difficult one's as the only person :oo lol ig i did something here#feels like i cracked some code for studying and ngl it feels so good i want more results like these#not sure it will work on all exams though but i feel like my studying techniques were pretty spot on and i actually studied more than usual#i feel like i'm getting addicted to this lol like actually being good at uni feels so good so rewarding#i mean i always wanted it and i have been good at uni for some time now but like i did even better this semester - i finished with no c#and lots of a's#but then also i wish i could just study for the enjoyment of it 🥹#don't get me wrong i love learning and being at uni most of the time is actually enjoyable :)#and i like learning the materials because it's interesting to but actually sitting down to study - the anxiety takes so much away from that#when i sit down and study it's usually with so much anxiety ... how do you study without those negative thoughts in your head constantly#i'm always convinced i'm gonna fail anyway and also when i don't meet my study goals on a day i get stressed because i'm behind schedule#and disappointed whenever i don't study as much as i planned or even not at all#like i tell you before i wrote that exam i got an a on i thought oh i might fail i'm gonna need a bit of luck to get a d#altough i thought i could also get a better grade but i have no judgment#part of me still thinks i got a bit lucky with the questions and i still cannot fathom how i did that ngl#i'm trying to stop these thoughts to make studying more enjoyable and i try to tell myself it's not a linear process#and sometimes it takes longer than expected but then your knowledge increases exponentially at one point#or i also feel like i set myself such unattainable study goals i'm bound to not meet them#and i should really prioritize my sleep more and not study in terribly sleep deprived states sometimes#i did get better with that but still it's so bad how i'd sacrifize my mental health for my grades 🥲#but if i'd fail an exam or do badly on it i'm also always so disapointed in myself so it's like i can't win 😅#i just want better balance with good grades and having a life and being in a better mental state#i do have some internal motivation like i want this for my future still i wish i could be more internally motivated#i also don't want my parents to worry and want to make them proud altough that's not a bad one
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absolutely LOVE the way you draw the ghouls 😭😭😭🥹🥹🥹 THEIR BUG MASKS!!!!!!!! so sweet
Awww thank youu
#ngl the ghoul masks were very difficult for me to draw at first because i dont usually draw helmets#so at least i know now that i'm doing something correctly#thanks for the encouragement <333#pomi rambles
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I realised once again how bad I am at recognising faces ...
I started watching Charité (a German historical series about the Charité hospital in Berlin) and straight up did not notice that Justus von Dohnányi plays one of the main characters🤦 I don't often keep up with specific actors, but I really like many of his works (there are some films that I discovered only because they were listed in his filmography), and thought I would've probably grown accustomed to his face by now. To be fair in Charité he looks decently different since he has a beard and darker hair than usual (many characters that he played before that I know of were blond, which is also his natural colour I think). Still I wonder how long it would've taken me to realise it was him if I didn't have the show's Wikipedia page open on the side😅
#I know it's not very wise because I might accidentally spoiler myself but I just really like reading trivia and behind the scenes stuff#I'm currently only at S1E3 though#idk why I have to start new things always when I actually don't really have the time for it#but I saw one (1) gif series and was like 'I have to see this'#I think I really enjoy it so far though definitely worth a watch (it can be a bit difficult to find though😭)#I really like Ida and her and Georg are so cute I hope nothing bad happens to them🥺#but also unrelated I have a hairdresser appointment in february and I've been wanting to make kind of a mood/inspiration board for it#maybe I'll have to add Georg because ngl I kinda like his hairstyle ... probably not as a 1to1 copy (not sure if it would suit me anyway)#but like something in that direction ...#charité#justus von dohnányi#selnia talks
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"A person in two months can show you
what a person in five years couldn't..."
I always loved that quote.
I didn't realize until recently
that I hadn't fully grasped it
before.
A person in five years
took all my time,
attention,
and energy,
hoarding it all up
with a dragon like
greed.
He drained me;
slowly dimmed me of my light.
First, I stopped drawing,
then, I fell out of love with writing.
Before I knew it,
my self expression was dead
and I felt
lost.
I knew something was wrong,
I just didn't realize
that something
was him.
In two months
someone new filled me
back up.
They walked into my life,
and jumped in to help me
undo the damage
he'd done.
I've started drawing again,
and I hope
I'll fall in love with writing again,
too.
-"Time doesn't mean anything. Character does."
#I'm not sure how to write when I'm not full of confusion#and conflicted yearning and anguish#and relationship stress#and pain#writing has always been an outlet for me so making art in this part of my healing#difficult ngl#but I still want to document my story#poetry#writers on tumblr#writeblr#love#poem#aromantic#writing#poets corner#poesia#love poem#prose poem#prose#prose poetry#poet#new poets society#original poem#poems and poetry#poems and quotes#poems on tumblr#poetrycommunity#poets on tumblr#poetsandwriters#short poem
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i was considering maybe buying proper fabric this time around to make the Insp.ekta plush but Michaels doesn't sell minky so i guess that's not happening 😭😭😭
#idk any other craft stores.... i am scared to buy from places i haven't done business w before#and i refuse to order off amazon fdsfjkl i only do that when i actually genuinely Need smth that i can't find elsewhere#(or if i have a gift card to use up lol)#i'm also so scared to try to use real fabric ngl fhdsgjkl that feels antithetical to my whole artistic journey and values somehow LMAO#plus if i fuck up ... it's a much more expensive fuck-up than just using felt. that i can usually nee.dlefelt back together.#but also ... i want to make smth i can like... wash and keep clean easier.... OUGHHH#maybe i'll start with a felt version and then make a minky version if it goes well#iron out any kinks in the process w felt... draft the pattern and everything OH GOD I HAVE TO MAKE A PATTERN MYSELF#welp. time to get to work on the pattern i guess LOL it shouldn't be ... tooooo difficult ... (<- the hubris will kill the man)#dandy.cmd
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made 2 of cricket's group members so far - 3 more to go
#& that's 3 more to go not including the people doing the doc on him#but they're kinda already made so i'm not worried about them as much#n e way this is kai & emmy !!!!#they still need to get covered in dirt & blood & stuff (yk apocalypse-ified) but#i'll get to that later#kai is basically the cool older brother of the group#& emmy is cricket's gf!#personality-wise she is the polar opposite of cricket lol#ngl it was a struggle getting these guys made#i remade them like. 3 times at least.#it turns out translating my 12 yr old self's drawings into actual people-looking characters is quite difficult#rainyrambles
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It feels like a joke from the universe that one of my biggest insecurities is other people seeing me change, physically or otherwise, because it's vulnerable to move toward expressing yourself more fully, but also because I hate the idea of people thinking I was unhappy with myself before or unhappy with myself now or just otherwise speculating about the reason for the change. And yet I have this deep-seated fetish for change that my brain is increasingly longing to apply to myself 🙃
#It also makes transitioning difficult ngl#But I'm pretty sure it comes from moving around a bunch as a kid so only my immediate family ever saw me change over time#So I have no exposure to that kind of vulnerability#I guess I'll just have to make an international move every few years then 🤔
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all these years, and it just clicked that at least half of my difficulty with the sanctuary guardian fight is the constant goddamn splashing sound effects
I put my quiet shoes on, negating all the extra noise in a boss fight that forces you to be constantly moving & rolling through water, and then immediately beat it on the next attempt. istfg.
#somehow removing the cacophony bombardment makes it easier to not fuck up on a difficult concentration task! amazing!#(also by quiet shoes I mean the slumbering dragoncrest ring)#(I got in the habit of calling it that bc the visual indicator when you're wearing it is a special aura around each of your feet)#(and well. 'quiet shoes' is a hell of a lot quicker to say than 'slumbering dragoncrest ring')#dork souls tag#and ngl I'm always pretty keen on stealth and utility spells unless I'm specifically playing a character w no sorcery#but this run? it occurred to me to try aural decoy-ing the new londo ghosts so I could sprint past them instead of fighting? A+ do recommend#spam it while moving through Ingward's house and you can do a direct run for the ladder and climb up without issue#(I mean. getting back down is an issue)#(but shhhhh the runback from firelink is a piece of cake if you're not actually engaging any of the menaces floating in and out of walls)#James liveblogs video games
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*waves* bringing you all Dylan Eil Ton and Gwyn getting their kisses in! Dylan truly is Pookie, ngl. And Arthur's just chillin'. Let him chill, lads. It's his wedding, and his wife's kissing another man, but Let Him Chill.
(Also, Gwyn kissing Dylan in front of her aunt is fine. Nothing bad will happen. 👀👀👀👀)
#arthuriana#welsh mythology#the mabinogion#welsh myth#mabinogion#my writing#writing#gwenhwyfar#king arthur#arthurian literature#guinevere#dylan eil ton#dylan ail don#ngl lads writing is difficult atm so I'm just writing enrichment for myself#also Dylan Ail Don is my fave character in the Mabinogion
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writing is hard y'all
#WHY is it so difficult to get inside this character's head?#ngl it's also really hard to write characters who have made terrible mistakes imo but it's an integral part of the plot so I CAN'T CHANGE I#i'm being cryptic because this is about my original novel project fyi#just... wow#wow wow wow it's taking a lot of willpower to write this chapter#OLST writing
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