#this was SO MUCH MORE DIFFICULT THAN I THOUGHT im never doing it again
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puppppppppy ¡ 8 months ago
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i feel like im not making any sense but does anyone else feel like there are stories that let u run with them and ones that spell everything out for you
#im reading that post that says artists are directors of audience reaction and not its dictator:#'you cannot guarantee that everyone viewing your work will react as you are trying t make them react. a good artist knows that this is what#allows work to breath. by definition you cannot have art where the viewer brings nothing to the table ... this is why you have to let go of#the urge to plainly state in text exactly how you think the work should be interpreted ... its better to be misinterpreted sometimes than#to talk down to your audience. you wont even gain any control that way; people will still develop their opinions no matter what you do#im thinking abt this again cuz i was thinking maybe the thing that lets adventure time work so well the way it does is cuz it doesnt#take itself too seriously that it gives the audience enough room to fuck with subtext and then fuck with them back yknow. i think it was#mentioned somewhere that they werent even planning to run with the postapocalyptic elements that are hinted in the show but changed their#mind after the one off with the frozen businessmen and dominoed into marcy and simons backstory. on the other side there are stories that#explain too much to let the story speak for itself and i think it ends up having to do more with the crew trying to lead ppl in a certain#direction than expand on what they have and i see a lot of this with miraculous. like when interviews and tweets are used as word of god in#arguments and it becomes a little stifling to play around with it knowing the creator can just interject. u can say its the crews effort to#engage with its audience but it feels more like micromanaging. and none of this is to say there ISNT room for stories that spell things out#theyre just suited for different things. if sesame street tried abstract approaches to themes and nuance itd be counterproductive#a lot of things fly over my head so i need help picking things apart to get it- but it doesnt have to be from the story itself. ive picked#picked up or built on my own interpretations listening to other ppl share their thoughts which creates conversation around the same thing#sometimes stories will spell things out for you without being so obvious abt it that it feels like its woven into the text. my fav example#for this might be ATLA using younger characters as its main cast but instead of feeling like its dumbed down for kids to understand why war#is bad its framed from a childs point of view so younger audiences can pick up on it by relating to the characters. maybe an 8 year old#wont get how geopolitics works but at least they get 'hey the world is a little more complicated than everyone vs. fire nation'. same for#steven universe bc its like theyre trying to describe and put feelings into words that kids might not have so they have smth to start with#especially with the metaphors around relationships bc even if it looks unfamiliar as a kid now maybe the hope is for it to be smth you can#look back to. thats why it feels like these shows grew up with me.. instead of saving difficult topics for 'when im ready for it'#as if its preparing me for high school it gave me smth to turn in my hands and revisit again and again as i grow. stories that never#treated u as dumb all along. just someone who could learn and come back to it as many times as u need to. i loved SU for the longest time#but i felt guilty for enjoying it hearing the way ppl bash it. bc i was a kid and thought other ppl understood it better than me and made#feel bad for leaning into the message of paying forward kindness and not questioning why steven didnt punish the diamonds or hold them#accountable. but im rewatching it now and going oh. i still love this show and what it was trying to teach me#yapping#diary
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coldflasher ¡ 1 year ago
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was rewatching the pilot again yesterday for fic reasons and thinking again about the sherlock-style screen annotations they had when barry was doing CSI work that they literally only did in the first ep and then never revisited again, presumably because they realized it'd be far too much effort to work out the details on such a precise level
and thinking about like. that barry allen with the hyper-precise exact measurements that he did by eye (with joe shaking his head in awe so you know that he's a CSI supergenius) vs. the leonard snart who timed his heists to the exact nanosecond (which again, presuming they ditched because it's a logistical nightmare to write dialogue that nitpicky and obsessive, and would be such a fucking pain to do on a week-to-week basis). like. yet another reason they are soulmates tbh. is audhd4autistic a thing the same way t4t is a thing? if it isn't then i'm making it a thing
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ienvieu ¡ 2 years ago
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the irony that is me loving my parents and still them being the two people i am the least honest to and feel the least safe with my secrets
#today was shit#i pray that tomorrow is better#he knows. he understands. he makes me forget. he probably doesnt even know how seen i feel and how much of a breath of air he is to me#he makes me forget when he's nearby even when he's doing nothing and i feel so so safe that he knows#and he's so kind and is so warm-hearted#he is so tender inside and i have seen him cry more than a few times because of things i dont want to mention#and he doesnt push even when he addresses the elephant in the room and i never feel judged#and i only see him thrice a year for a week each time#and those weeks are the highlights of my year#so bizarre how i feel more cared for by someone i barely see rather than the people who raised me#relapsed awfully aggressively when i was months clean and i feel horrible i kept praying for forgiveness. i feel disgusting#mom would it have killed you to just help me#it's been four hours ever since and since then i was distracted by things i had to do but now#then i had to hang the laundry and not having any distractions and being left with my own thoughts made me spiral again#good lord#i just#i wonder if everyone else feels like dying every day like me. she always says that she struggled too and that she stayed up late manytimes#and i know she had it difficult too but our lives have been so different that our childhoods simply can never be compared and i want to#scream and destroy everything but i cant so i can only destroy my own body and im so helpless idk what to do#tw: mental health#i feel so spiteful and i want to show her everything and scream that she did this to me and that it's all her fault#but i love her too much to hurt her like that. it would kill her.#and ig it's all my fault for being a horrible being and for being a failure and turning out ill like this. i just dont know anymore#i think i had an episode of psychotic rage again. everywhere hurts but i still cant get the ugly feeling in me go away
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unproduciblesmackdown ¡ 6 months ago
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being alive at the time i gleaned some general elements abt encanto but never actually heard we don't talk about bruno beyond awareness it existed popping off & i think i heard like the title recited off key off rhythm but in a way that indicates speak singing nonetheless lol so upon experiencing it it's like oh but it's the Verses? while the last refrain goes harder but prior to that it's comparatively underwhelming to said verses which feels appropriate like verses / pieces of a larger picture & that a "we don't talk about him" as a disappointing Lid on infinitely richer more characterful & dynamic "but: talking about him" instances. like well personally it'd be like um seven foot frame....anyway besides being able to firsthand go like oh damn Real (the kind of thing you know exists if alive at the time) it's like alright hang on lol. one thing when a core theme is yeah like "is it a refuge if 'especial' vulnerability ultimately gets pushed out rather than made safer" subset like the parties whose even observation of truths (problems) & drawing attention to them is seen as Ruining Things, like if you're painted as Making futures that aren't simply what's desired or reassuring rather than a guidance via just observing & sharing the truth. but then it's like whaddaya mean living in fear of bruno stuttering and stumbling you could always hear him sort of muttering and mumbling lmao like now that's just Association between the Truth Perceiving & Telling behavior & behavior that's just apparently distinctive of the same person. & like Not Accidentally when [what if people were magic] specifics are obviously primarily abt a metaphorical meaning & like, indeed it was made clear like oh this situation isn't Just b/c [boo we hate your prophecies] & that [an Ability that isn't directed towards what anyone Wants / is "weird" even by these magic standards] isn't Coincidentally given to someone who just so happens to already be "weird" in other ways & be set up to have a different perspective & be pushed away due to having the supposed "extra" vulnerability of unmet needs / insufficient support, same as someone who doesn't "correctly" have any kind of magic ability....like yeah banger and also like Oh Yeah Kind Of Devastating re: that metaphorical resonance allowing for like [set the metaphor aside] now hang on with this about this disabled family member lol. misinterpretation to The Ruinerrr / The Problemmm / The Maliciousss etc (i.e. the scapegoatinggg) despite their efforts likely entirely to the contrary. then despite like, efforts aside, Just Existing, always kind of muttering & mumbling like & what of it. & then like oh sorry weird pets. weird [auspicious for adaptable tenacious thriving surviving; either way simply creatures, existing] pets.
truly like As Is The Idea I'm Sure quickly becomes like hands behind back standing at the window Uh Oh Sisters musing on all the [disabled person] metaphorical & already literal elements there. blair witching it in contemplation like We've All Been There whether being so resented for the mere disruption of "existing in a group as the 'abnormal' odd one out" or like people talking shit abt anything associated w/you as soon as you've left the room, which is also made relevant like, this wasn't Only directed at this person when seemingly permanently gone, nor were they unaware / unaffected prior....pacing in the Musing parlor like things don't Have to be compared to billions but i only ever even see so many things & it's like billions sure is like "get scapegoated rword" & then said scapegoating is presented as only beneficial & we hate autists & even beyond that it's like, grabbing billions, Imagine If Things Meant To Be About Something Were About Something. quite a contrast when they are & furthermore like, deliberate thought & Care for [who gets scapegoated & why] & the truth of like, people getting pushed aside & out who have a key perspective & are primed / liable to come through for others similarly vulnerable & the supposedly Ruinous, Problems Generating disruptiveness is actually the strongest effort to make essential changes to a group. & come through with like, it'd be undermining thee point if it was "reassuring" us like oh haha people will be supportive b/c bruno will be more normal, so great that it Didn't like no, no Normality Reassurance(tm), presence of abnormalities(tm), Good, & everyone Can Deal b/c if you don't then it's pushing this person away, is exactly what happens, including even if they're still Around but are being mistreated b/c that is entirely part of that pushing away like anyone's victim blaming is ready to pounce at any time but if someone can't stand to stay / leaves b/c they can't see another option like that's not out of nowhere nor Regardless of what full support & flexibility they were getting lol. these Active Measures everyone loves so much, which are everywhere always & would include Staying & Trying To Make It Work & those efforts would be "disruptive" & resented & Bringing It On Oneself & etccc smh
that is to all say like. Woww when clearly basically the core thread was these beats of like, the crucial site of [thee scapegoated], & why that comes down on someone & how that plays out. endless ideas about how someone weird(tm) & disabled (&/or queer. but there's no Or here lol. & again like it's a Context like, to even be the one person without kids? likely not living up to "full" correct sexuality in that way alone; any oppression's logics of "inferiority" being logics of ableism, ready examples being that "inferior" race, gender, sexuality (& their experiences as people classed as inferior) all being pathologized as disordered) are seen & treated as someone Ruining Things & who cannot belong like whew. bracing. winding. which, i also recall like i was watching with headphones & during this one dialogue pause i was like "?? what's this Extra Sound i heard there" & had to go over it like twice before being hit upside the head like well it Was still the dialogue pause but it was also bruno Stuttering in a very quiet whisper for the duration of that pause before continuing like iiiiiiii x_x
#[sitting waiting right here] for billions to have its vulnerable weird scapegoated misfit outcasts actually band together lmao....#like Sure Doesn't b/c billions is like we all hate weirdos & we all love telling them to shut tf up & go away to die or w/e. correctly#can't believe ultimately the Different fund disappears w/o its scapegoat & the Correct ''weird'' char is full axe cap mode finally#& it's sure not a Comment when billions affectionately gives them their free heavenly reward & Ensure zero scapegoating consequences#the [imagine if something about something was about something] approach to Banished Relatives being thoughtful & loving like#& here you see how even As they're banished everything isn't Really fixed for it incl. that people aren't Really just happy he's gone#billions is like no we killed him And everyone has gladly & legitimately forgotten he exists (save the instant it's time to use him)#the hilarious(tm) tragedies surrounding rian like billions' can't make her ''care'' abt winston be anything save more violence#can't pretend rian was anything more than [again we all Know your nads like w/taylor like w/winston] bagina + dialogue source combo in s6#when it's still dimly relevant for prince in s7 but you miss Nothing re: rian if you have no idea that plotline exists#& speaking of actual ''weirdness'' rian was never allowed to have: the tragedy of the tension of Closeted Transness present on screen fr#just as billions has no idea / further willingness to let rian be so ''weird'' as to actually care abt winston or abt not being a bully Lol#meanwhile i figured like oh i'll like a scapegoat. did know ahead of time like bruno's just some guy; not even ''redeemable'' antagonist#but In Practice & w/all that beloved Disabledness & crucial appreciation like you Need this guy; the understanding is Key#like well ofc i would kill for him. ofc just constant like mhm go off king slay fire etc. god tier character cherished forever thanks#but then also like im sure a zillion [intention; inspiration; thoughts] going into Tfw Family Things characters; a zillion interpretions &#thoughts to follow like it truly is Arresting like this clarity on A Disabled Person In The Group like. much much to consider & whew.#reference point like when autistic ppl in some job see an obvious [problem to future mess] pipeline; so you know bruno madrigal. My Vision#When You're So Hated like hey i wanna live unseen w/my so hated little friends lol. just reread how to disappear completely never be found#when it's like grabbing people Who Cares if someone's being ''obviously'' disabled or weird just as how they are existing godddd#people get so mean like Who Cares just talk to them; be around them. some effort some mind your own business some You're Not Above Them#when it's obviously You like yeah. nonzero but limited applicability like [specifically my own nuclear family] but re: Weird; Disabled#as ever i'll Relate & be like but i probably seem nothing like that. or maybe i am very much like that. kind of difficult to tell b/c like#you Do get the disinterest lol & feedback is Not that familiar / in depth even if positive like well. the emergent So Hated / Scapegoating#noting like if a character just seems refreshingly familiar; Understood; comfortable; fun; what's the odds they're cishet allistic lol....#anyway the epiphany like oh it was figurative blink & you miss it stuttering....did [waiiit] Pace that one off like inhaaale Waugh#in fact i'm sure the Verbalizing Effort has staved off the kind of [thinks about all of it a moment] to go Aauughhh about again#which; again; also something happening 5 yrs in re: the clairvoyant soothsayer autistic neuroqueer quant on the show w/No Thoughts abt it#ppl being invalidated by others having to validate themselves (& others in the same boat); billions going & How We Hate Them For It lol#oh & encanto's [excluded party's effort to partake] tragedy vs billions' [where's winston in this office? this event?] good riddance idc
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brattyspence ¡ 2 months ago
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sugar lips | s.reid
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summary: (tweaked from request a lil bc im difficult.) early seasons!spencer/reluctant!spencer is so enamored by your lips and works up the courage to request head for the first time tags: 18+, MDNI. early seasons!spencer, same universe as ‘u up?’, oral (m receiving), finger sucking (??), no y/n, limited yucky words, reader is referred to as ‘woman’ and ‘girl’, spencer is down rlly rlly bad, reader swallows… idk what else. this is pure filth a/n: first request ever, thank u anon! sorry it took so long. i hope this doesn't suck, this is my first time publishing smut in ages and it was SO hard to write! word count: 1.2k masterlist
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Spencer, the lover boy to end all lover boys, who insisted he existed simply to worship the ground you walked on, had never ever made a request like this. If you had asked him a few weeks ago, he would have freaked. Spencer, who was so, so happy to simply exist in your orbit, who never asked for anything in return, who was more than happy to give give give and never receive, making this request.
Yet here you were, happily settled on his lap, the warmth of your body reflecting off him. You had been teasing him all night of course, but this was different. The soft murmurs of conversation between kisses seemed to be fueling something greater. 
“Did I smear my lip gloss?” You asked, pulling away slightly. 
God. The damn lip gloss. The bane of his existence. How could he ever treat you with respect and dignity when you were looking at him like that, glossy-lipped and doe eyed?
“Just a little.” His thumb trailed along the border of your lower lip briefly, catching on the sticky gloss briefly. “Still beautiful.”
He couldn't be sure what exactly happened in the next few seconds. He could have been responsible, sure, or maybe you had done it on your own accord, but somehow the pad of his thumb, which was just tracing your lower lip, had dipped in your mouth.
Germs. The term briefly crossed his mind, a distant echo. Bacteria and viruses and other things that were not designed for the human mouth, especially not for you, the woman he respected so much it hurt. Germs. Still, he couldn't finish that line of reasoning. Not when you were looking at him like that, and oh god, oh god, oh god–
He was so mesmerized by it. He watched the way you had so willingly taken his hand in yours and encouraged him along, gliding your way down and then back up. He watched the way you had slowly pulled away, leaving his skin damp and sticky with that damn lip gloss. Clearly he hadn't heard your question.
“Spence?”
“Hm?” You watched his eyes flit back up to yours.
A hint of a smile crossed your face. “Did that do something for you?”
“Did… that? Did that… do something for me?” 
“You got pretty quiet.” You still held his hand in yours as you pressed a kiss to his thumb again. “I could do it again.”
Spencer ten minutes ago would have been so, so upset. But that Spencer hadn't seen the spectacle you'd just created. He could only manage a slight nod.
You hadn't given him a second to finish processing the first part before he found you doing it again.
He was already formulating a protest, but it was weak. You could see it fizzle out with the string of saliva that snapped from your lips to his skin. 
“Hey,” you said, softly. “Talk to me.”
How on earth could he talk to you when you just did that?
“I just… wasn't expecting that,” he replied. 
“Mhm,” you nod. “But you liked it. You got a little flustered.”
“I… yeah.” It was useless denying it. 
You shifted in his lap, leaning a little closer. “I know you're thinking about something.”
His eyes narrowed slightly as he thought about it. You could feel his pulse under your fingertips. The gears in his head were busy ticking away.
“You looked pretty like that,” he replied, his voice soft. 
“With my mouth around you?”
“Yeah.” He swallowed audibly. “Mhm.”
You knew him well enough to know that he would never outright ask for something like that.
“Do you… want me to use my mouth somewhere else?”
He held your gaze for a second. You'd made this offer before, and he had aggressively turned it down in a string of “No, no, no baby. Don't worry about me”, but not this time.
“Please?”
You shifted off his lap in a split second before he could rethink his request. He considered it, of course, but you had settled down on the carpet with enthusiasm. He wasn’t even sure he was capable of turning you down when you were literally on your knees already.
You swiftly looped your fingers around his waistband, and you were surprised when he'd accommodated the motion, shifting his hips forward.
“Are you sure you-”
“Yes, Spencer. Would you please relax?”
His head fell back against the couch the moment your hand made contact. He was sure he couldn’t watch – not only was it defiling, but he was certain he wouldn’t last. Somehow, the second your lips wrapped around him, he threw all caution to the wind. 
An eidetic memory certainly had its perks, and he was damn sure putting all of them to use. This image, this entire moment, he knew would change him in irreversible ways, and none of them seemed to matter. 
You felt his fingertips gently brush the hair away from your face. He only hesitated for a moment before his hand came to rest on the back of your head, his thumb still rubbing circles against your cheek softly. He was looking at you with an incredible amount of awe.
“So pretty,” he breathed. “Jesus, angel. You look so–ah–so pretty.”
As you continued on, things only escalated. You had never seen him like his. Breathless, whiny, maybe. Desperate, absolutely. His eyes were heavily lidded, watching your every move as if missing the smallest detail would cause everything to crumble. He was half convinced that this was a dream, as he only ever let things like this happen in his imagination.
He was actively resisting the urge to tighten his hand in your hair, but you weren’t making it any easier. Your motions hadn’t relented in the slightest, and you didn’t exactly plan on letting up. 
“Baby–oh, fuck—baby, please,” he sighed. “You should… slow down.”
The words barely had a chance to leave his mouth before you reacted, of course doing the exact opposite. 
There were things Spencer never fully understood. Until now, he never understood the appeal of a blowjob. He didn’t do messy or sloppy. He thrived on selflessness, or at least he thought. But here he was, and here you were, changing that forever, nudging him closer and closer to the edge.
He had every intention of putting things on pause and finishing anywhere but in your mouth–but in the moment, his body did not want to follow his brain. 
He would feel bad about it later. 
You heard the momentary hitch in his breath. Then, the slight tightening of his fingers in your hair, and then the ever anticipated twitch against your tongue followed by the flood of warmth. 
After another minute, he finally managed to open his eyes again and draw his focus back in. 
You wiped your lips on the back of your hand, looking immensely proud of yourself at the same time. You could see the guilt hit him all at once as you looked up at him. 
“That wasn’t- I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened, and-” 
“Spencer,” you sighed, with a smile. “It’s fine. You were fine. I’m fine. I’m very happy.”
You climbed back up onto the couch next to him, brushing your knees off before settling in. 
“Are you… are you sure?”
“Mhm.” You nodded. “Are you happy?”
He sighed, and looked away for a second before returning his gaze to you. 
“Yeah.” He nodded. You could detect the faintest of smiles. “Very happy. Thank you, pretty girl."
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autism-corner ¡ 1 year ago
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i ordered some pronoun pins from an etsy shop and they arrived fine and well.... except for a the fact that a month later the same exact pins were delivered to me. again. so ive gotten twice the pins :(
#whoops ive talked too much in the tags lol. way to much.#anywya im not sad ive gotten more i just feel a lil bad for the shop owner...#i only got charged once i think they just forgot they send it the first time?? or thought it'd gotten lost so they send it again??? idk#this was a couple months ago... i never told them bc no one likes their mistakes pointed out + thats way to confrontational for me :]#idk what to do with them tho.... i do NOT have enough bags for that.#+ i dont want pronouns on every single thing#+ i also ordered pronoun pins from another shop and they are already on my main bag....#i now have 3x he/him and 3x he/they pins :P#thats way too much gender for me tbh.#sillyposting#he/him pins bc being out as a guy is somewhat easier for me than being out as a nonbinary-guy-ish.#OOH ALSO#so i have a he/him pin on my main bag. which i took with me on vacation.#vacation with my friends who've known me before i knew i was trans. aka they use my OG name and gender etc.#i dont particularry care to tell them bc that scary + i dont like change + i dont wanna be difficult + in this case its not that bothersome#i am very comfortable around them and am fine with whatever in their case. fr.#BUT YEAH#its already (hopefully) painfully clear that im hella gay so :/ plus during some parties i have mentioned using other pronouns when...#...people asked. but ive not directly approached any of them. and im not planning to.#im just curious about what they think about it. espcially since i wont approach them. idk what theyll do since...#not many people talk in 3rd person in front of you yaknow.#oH WELL#+ i also have a lil trans flag sticker on my laptop which they definitely couldve seen so =w=bb#OH WELL#its fine theyre good people.#+ i genuinely do not care how they handle it. im okay with everything. even no change. i have the same case with my parents. lol#anyway im even more curious about how people'll handle my pre-anything trans ass. hopefully people'll see me as a guy lol. help.#imma be meeting so many new people when i start uni its so scary...#first time being properly out in a space. why am i tearing up.....#:|
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wishful-seeker ¡ 1 year ago
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Tips on how to avoid being unintentionally ableist
1. When a disabled person says they cannot do something, and you wish to offer solutions, do not make a solution that involves them powering through pain, or something thats not accessible to the disabled.
Example:
Disabled person: "washing dishes hurts too much and i cannot do it."
Abled person: "what if you did one dish at a time throughout the day?"
This statement is not respecting that this disabled person just said they "can't". Always respect that. No matter how simple the task would be for you.
Disabled person:" i think ill use plastic silverware so i don't make dishes."
Abled person: "plastic is bad for the environment!"
This statement shuts down the most accessible and disabled friendly option that this disabled person can actually do because of the abled persons personal beliefs. This is not helpful, and ableist.
Better yet, instead of offering solutions, ask them directly "is there anything you need that you do not have that would help you do this?" This allows the disabled person to think about what would work, and they will always have a better idea of what would work than you do.
To add on to this, when we say we have no more energy to solve a problem or do a task, or change our lifestyle, we mean it.
2. If you feel discomfort when a disabled person is talking about their health, good and bad, that is ableist. Your discomfort is coming from a place that deams disabled peoples very existence as a bad thing and you need to fix that.
For example:
Disabled person:" this week has been rough pain wise, ive been through a lot, felt like my body was on fire. Lucky i got new meds though and i think they're helping!"
Abled person: "can we talk about something else, this is a bummer."
Disabled people should be able to exist freely without worrying about your personal comfort. Do you really think its appropriate to tell someone in constant pain that their life is making YOU uncomfortable?
3. Do not treat disabled people as tragedies, do not romanticize their old life or put their current one down.
For example:
Disabled person: "yeah my life is pretty difficult sometimes, ive lost a lot but i still have happy moments."
Abled person: "it makes me so sad to see what disabled people go through :(. You used to love rock climbing and running, i would love to see you move around more again."
This statement is putting more value on the disabled persons abled past, and ignoring their life as a whole.
4. Do not avoid speaking to disabled people because it hurts to see your loved one disabled.
For example: my grandmother avoids conversations with me because it hurts her to see me in pain. While she has good intentions it leaves me being unable to be close to her. This is very isolating to the disabled.
5. Do not stop inviting your disabled friend/loved one out even if they are never well enough to attend. Unless we specifically ask you to stop asking if we can go out, good chances are we want to know you still care because again, disability is very isolating.
6. When a disabled person says certain things in their health have gotten better or worse, do not challenge this because you don't see a difference.
For example:
Disabled person: "yeah things are getting a little better"
Abled person sees disabled person using their wheelchair like usual: "i thought you said you were getting better?"
Better and worse are usually small changes only the disabled experience, its not like abled people healing from a broken arm. Better to a disabled person could mean they can stand for 10 more minutes.
7. Do not expect disabled people to ever be abled again, and again, do not put more value on an abled life.
For example:
Disabled person:"I have been using a wheelchair for 2 years."
Abled person: "oh you're young, im sure you'll be walking around in no time!"
This statement invalidates and ignores the disabled persons current life by hoping they get a more abled bodied life. Its fine to hope disabled people get better, but you don't get to decide what better looks like.
Hope this helps, stay punk.
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akutasoda ¡ 8 months ago
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in the morning light [part 2]
[part 1 here!]
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synopsis - what it's like sharing a bed with them
includes - dr. ratio, ruan mei, argenti, kafka, blade, luocha, jing yuan, jiaoqiu
warnings - gn!reader, fluff, slight angst, i still have no clue what im doing, might be ooc, wc - 1.2k
a/n: absolutely blown away at how many people enjoyed the first part, so uhh here you go? maybe a genshin ver in the future if i get round to it and if people want it?
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dr ratio ★↷
↪an absolute stickler for a proper routine, and an advanced one at that - he has high standards to uphold and never misses a step before bed and in the morning. he wouldn't mind of you did yours alongside him but he probably won't notice you for long. a major part is obviously his baths, he would not go a day without one.
↪sometimes he can join you in bed quite late, he either has students work to mark or simply cannot put his own work down. even when he joins you he probably falls asleep after you as he likes to indulge in late night reading.
↪a sort of mix between comfy and basic when it comes to his actual bed, it's simplistic yet extremely comfortable - in the morning it's pretty difficult to leave with how cozy it can be.
↪doesn't really move alot in his sleep, the occasional shuffle but not much. he isn't exactly a cuddler but if you want to he doesn't mind at all. however because he doesn't move much, if you two fall asleep cuddling then he needs to wake up first - which is normal - otherwise you're trapped in his embrace.
↪most mornings he does wake up super early and leaves quite early as well - he always gives you a kiss on your forehead before he leaves. on the rare days he has off, he stays in bed with you until you wake up and whenever your ready, he gets ready alongside you.
ruan mei ★↷
↪she is an extreme night owl. her lab work often keeps her very busy and if she starts a train of thought then she can't rest until she's seen it out to the fullest. most nights she does encourage you to not wait up for her for this very reason - ruan mei greatly appreciates if you do however.
↪her routine is either short or rather extensive, it just depends on how much time she has. morning routines are much longer more consistently as she tends to wake up rather early.
↪usually her bed is rather basic but you seemed to have contaminated it with what you prefer but she doesn't mind in the slightest. if you like her cat cake creations then she may have gifted you a few custom ones to keep you company.
↪surprisingly can be quite the fidgeter in her sleep, not drastic movements but she's just used to being busy. again, not exactly a cuddler but isn't against it if you wish as she knows she isn't around much so would indulge you.
↪most days when you wake up she isn't there but there's always a small note from her to you that is extremely heartfelt.
argenti ★↷
↪the most extravagant routine you've ever seen, the knight of beauty very clearly has a great routine for both mornings and nights. enjoys when you do yours alongside him and will always find time to do so.
↪he still looks pristine in the morning when he first wakes up, it's hard to believe he just woke up. although it may be helped by the fact that he has the most elegant bed that is very hard to leave in the morning.
↪not much of a mover but he can adjust quite a bit sometimes in his sleep. and if you're okay with it, he wants nothing more than to hold you in his embrace for the entire night. argenti is somewhat of a light sleeper however, so if you move alot then he easily wakes up but doesn't mind.
↪sometimes he has to leave early, sometimes he doesn't. it depends on whether or not he has a duty to fulfill but does get up early nonetheless. most days he'd let you sleep but if you need to get up he always wakes you with a kiss and a compliment.
kafka ★↷
↪being a stellaron hunter doesn't always allow for a proper nights rest but most times it does. however kafka cares quite a bit about such things and so when she can, she'll take the opportunity for a good night's sleep.
↪she's used to sleeping in bare minimum conditions but if she could choose, kafka would prefer more comfortable arrangements. so she's very accommodating to what you'd prefer to have your shared bed like.
↪enjoys taking time with a night time routine but sometimes she can't but isn't that fussed so long as she gets the bare minimum done. she would love if you joined her but again wouldn't mind if you're not that keen on such extensive routines.
↪she can be rather clingy - on purpose. kafka loves nothing more than relaxing with you in her arms and won't let up until she's content. the only time she needs to wake up is when she's executing one of elio's scripts so good luck escaping her grasp otherwise.
blade ★↷
↪again, being a stellaron hunter doesn't always allow for a proper nights rest but most times it does. although blade doesn't exactly have the greatest sense of having a good night's sleep.
↪absolute bare minimum for a routine, he doesn't exactly see why it should be anything more but fortunately kafka's influence has caused him to have some care. you're almost jealous that he can do bare minimum and still look like he does.
↪also goes for bare minimum when it comes to sleeping arrangements, he doesn't care what his bed's like. so he doesn't exactly care what you'd prefer as he would just go along with it.
↪when he does sleep, he sleeps like the dead. he barely moves to the point that sometimes you're convinced he's not even there, the only indicator that he's actually alive is the occasional twitch in his hands.
↪unfortunately, he can be prone to his mara-struck condition flaring up in his sleep which may take some getting used to seeing but he takes it upon himself to sleep elsewhere id he knows it is likely to happen to avoid scaring you.
↪prefers to have his own side of the bed and isn't a cuddler. after a very long while, he might indulge you if you are a cuddler but not always. he's also an extremely light sleeper that wakes up super early.
luocha ★↷
↪as a travelling merchant, he doesn't tend to stay in one place for long, so you would most likely travel with him. due to this, he isn't exactly fussed with where he sleeps and is used to bare minimum. he wouldn't mind in the slightest of you decide to change a few things however.
↪nightly and morning routines are important to him. he needs to maintain appearances and so can have rather extensive routines that he wouldn't mind you joining him with.
↪another light sleeper and sometimes you forget he's there because he barely moves. he's perfectly fine with cuddling and fine with not, although sometimes he does prefer his space.
↪never really has anywhere to go in a rush unless he knows he has people to meet or things to do, but he still wakes up early. however he normally would wait for you to wake up as he likes to start his day with you.
jing yuan ★↷
↪the dozing general has that title for a reason. despite the fact that he practically is on the verge of falling asleep most of the time during the day, he sleeps alot. it can be under any condition at any time but he does have a tendency to indulge in comfort.
↪has an extremely comfortable bed that is normally also occupied by mimi and so it can get very warm, very quickly which is a pain in the summer. this isn't really helped by the fact that he is extremely clingy, like to the max.
↪he always states that he sleeps better when his body is entangled with yours and knowing you're safe there with him, but he will respect if you aren't that much of a cuddler.
↪unfortunately he moves around a lot and because he's clung to you, you move with him. sometimes you two end up upside down at the foot of the bed and it baffles you that he can move that much. he is also an extremely heavy sleeper in your shared bed so good luck escaping him - when he's dozing at work he is a light sleeper however.
↪most days he does have to drag himself out of bed to work but aeons save you if he has a rare dayoff. you're never leaving if he doesn't let you as he forces you to let him indulge in your presence while he gets a lie-in. if you have somewhere to be he reluctantly lets you go but very stubbornly.
↪the worst bed hair you've ever seen, he always looks like he's been through it and spends ages sorting his hair. this paired with his actual morning routine means he takes ages getting ready. his night time routine is shorter as he knows it's rendered useless overnight.
jiaoqiu ★↷
↪he cares about his appearance as he does have quite the reputation to uphold and so his routines are always important and extensive - especially when managing his tail and ears to ensure that they aren't messy.
↪also goes all out for his bed, he knows what helps get a better night's sleep and he prefers to get the best sleep he can. so he might be a bit hesitant to let you change most of it but he's willing to compromise.
↪the absolute worst when it comes to sleeping, he's annoying, he knows it, and takes it in pride. has to be cuddled up to you and he wraps his tail over you to ensure that you don't go anywhere unless you have to. he barely moves but his tail is the menace mainly - it flicks and moves around alot and often ends up in your face.
↪normally wakes up relatively early and will wake you up if you need to. mentioned this before but, he will wake you up earlier if you braid his usual braid as he enjoys having you do so - he has absolutely no remorse for doing so. although if he has time, he will make breakfast for the two of you.
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taglist - @little-miss-chaoss, @frankiesteinn
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gyusrose ¡ 11 months ago
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➵ you’re so vain -> l.hs
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⚠︎ smut (mdni)
✎ jock!heeseung x reader, enemies to ?????, heeseung is rlly annoying, hate sex ;), hair pulling, dirty talk, unprotected sex, degradation, backshots lmao. i think that’s it?
summary: attending a new school was supposed to be a fresh start for you, trying to be nice to everyone and have new friends, yet coming across lee heeseung threw all of that out the window.
(heeseung x fem.reader)
wc: 3.2k
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your sweaty hands could not be gripping the steering wheel any harder. you wouldn’t call yourself “super shy” but when it comes to a whole new community of people, teenagers, hell yeah you are.
you had to move exactly at the middle of the year due to your mom’s work. they offered her double the salary at the other side of the city, who was she to say no to that? although you were going to miss your friends and the overall environment of your old home, you couldn’t just tell your mom ‘no’, either way her decisions are final.
you just got here two days ago, and to be honest, it wasn’t that bad. the worst thing so far is the fact that the nearest shopping center was 30 minutes away but you’ll live.
you didn’t except your first day of school to be so nerve-wracking. surely you’ll make some friends but who knows what people are like here. eventually, you saw the big navy blue sign with your school’s name on it. it was an averagely big school, bigger than your old one, which also meant more people.
the parking space alone was scary. it was huge yet already full even though it was still fairly early. you went around in circles around the parking lot, trying to find a vacant spot. fortunately you did at the second-to-last line.
as you tried to park, the limited space you had made it difficult to, having to back up and drive in constantly. as you reversed your car, you must have completely forgotten that you aren’t the only one there, feeling a small crash at the bumper of your car.
your eyes widened in panic. you looked back to see what you hit, and with your luck, it revealed at very nice black car, to which you’ve just hit. you tried to quickly get into your parking spot, hoping it was nothing serious, but then someone came walking up to you.
‘shit, that must be the owner’ you saw his red, rather handsome, fuming face.
you got out of your car to confront the first person interaction.
“hey look im so-“
“CANT YOU FUCKING DRIVE RIGHT? YOU HIT MY VERY EXPENSIVE CAR WITH YOUR THING, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?”
oh he was an asshole. you almost scoffed in his face. who does he think he is.
“it was accident that’s all, it was barely a scratch calm down man.”
“IT WAS DEFINITELY A SCRATCH LOOK AT IT! JUST BECAUSE YOU KEEP YOUR CAR LOOKING ALL MISERABLE DOESNT MEAN I WILL, DO YOU EVEN HAVE A LICENSE?”
lord take me back. you were so close to just leaving him there arguing with himself. but you didn’t want to make him even angrier.
“look im sorry! i can pay for the fix up if that’s what you want, i dont know what else to do?”
the boy scoffed and rolled his eyes at your statement.
“you think i don’t have the money for it? please, it shows you’re a newbie around here.”
“i didn’t mean it like that-“
“yo heeseung!! come on bro!” another blonde boy called from afar, hopefully ending the argument y’all were having.
“ watch your back new girl.” with one last glare, he left to join his group of friends.
you rolled your eyes. shiver my fucking timbers, you thought.
you took a deep breath before grabbing your backpack and making your way into school , hoping to never see his face ever again.
>>
you thought that was going to be the end of it all. but oh boy were you wrong. soon you found out that heeseung is the captain of the football team, and pretty much the most popular boy in school. as cliche as it sounds, every girl would drop their panties if he asked them to.
people know he’s not the nicest person ( an asshole) yet they still look up to him. that’s angered you. how are all these people so dumb? just because he’s kinda good-looking? seriously?
over the course of a few weeks, you’ve managed to make some friends, your closest taehyun and Isa. although you tried to block the negativity, heeseung made it really hard. always giving you snarky comments when he saw you around, ridiculing you in front of other people. somehow always finding a way to run into you despite not having any classes together. except gym.
“ bro open your eyes, catch the damn ball!” he yelled from across from you.
you hated sports. even less could you play one, but you gotta do it for the grade.
“the ball was too high up dummy!” you retorted, rolling your eyes for maybe the 100th time in the class period.
if you hated gym before, you definitely hated it more now.
as the period ended, you decided to take a quick shower in the locker rooms since you couldn’t handle being all sweaty and gross throughout the day.
heeseung finished changing and was outside the locker room with his friends, chatting, waiting for the bell to ring. that’s when he may have accidentally eavesdropped the conversation between your two friends, he could barely the names of.
“where’s _____?” taehyun asked isa, noticing how you weren’t with her.
“she’s taking a shower right now, she told us to not wait for her.” Isa shrugged before taehyun nodded.
a beautiful idea popped in heeseung’s brain. it was too good.
he excused himself and sneakily waited by the girl’s locker room, waiting for everyone to come out. once he only heard the shower you were using running, he quietly entered the room. the bell had rang about a minute ago, so the gym was empty, only you and him. the gym teacher god knows where.
he saw his target and rapidly grabbed the pile of clothes sitting on the bench, a smirk evident in his face.
suddenly the shower stopped running, making heeseung hurry and exit the locker room.
the shower felt too good, you think you spent more time that you anticipated to. as you exited the shower tiles, you looked around for your clothes, which you remember clearly leaving them in the bench closest to the shower. you looked around the whole locker room, hoping you were wrong and placed them elsewhere. unfortunately, you couldn’t even find your damn socks.
your biggest fear has come true. you’re now naked, nothing but a towel covering you, this was more than just humiliating. you felt sad, mad, angry, embarrassed all at once. they’ve been stolen for sure, and you were more than sure on who did it.
grabbing your phone you called Isa, to see if she could help you somehow. and she indeed did. bringing you some spare clothes she had. thankfully, you always bring extra underwear since situations like these could happen. you just had to wait for isa for the clothes, yet the five minutes she took felt like five hours. unfortunately, passing period is over, meaning some students are coming in the locker room to change.
many of them just straight up stared at you. giving you weird looks as to why you were pretty much naked in the middle of the locker room, but none had the guts to ask you.
you wished the ground would just swallow you whole. lee heeseung won’t hear the end of it.
“LEE HEESEUNG!” you yelled across the field. he and his friends were siting down eating lunch outside when you spotted him after trying to find him after the stunt he just pulled.
heeseung knew it was coming, giggling with his friends as they heard you yell his name once again. “ oh she’s about to scold me now .” heeseung scoffed but still got up and went over to you.
“yes ma’am?” he said with a smile, you wish you could slap off but you’re better than that.
“YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID DO YOU KNOW HOW EMBARRASSING THAT WAS?”
“i have no idea what you’re talking about..” heeseung tried acting innocent but failed as he just burst out laughing. you groaned, how on earth is that funny?
“cute panties by the way” he continued to laugh, not sparing a glance at your mad expression on your face.
“you’re such an ass, i hate your guts.” you said leaving him alone, laughing to himself.
“yo bro i think she actually got mad this time.” his friend, jake came over.
heeseung shrugged. “she’s so sensitive, it wasn’t even that bad.”
“i can’t believe he did that…” taehyun said as you told them both what had happened. Isa knew a little bit but not who did it.
“that’s fucked up, what’s he got against you so much?”
you shrugged. “i guess because i gave his car a little scratch, but i guess he took it to heart since he hasn’t stopped bothering me since. he’s a jerk.”
“finally someone who thinks the same as me!” taehyun said making you chuckle.
“then get back at him! you know the one thing that makes him who he is is that damn football.” Isa said.
you tried to be the bigger person this whole time, not paying much mind to his little remarks or pranks he pulls, biting back a little wouldn’t hurt right?
“you know what, you’re right.”
“lee heeseung, mrs. park wants to speak to you.” mr.jung said calling heeseung.
heeseung who was barely paying attention heard his name. his frowned at this. what on earth could she want to talk about with him? either way, he went to her classroom.
he entered the empty classroom to find his coach and mrs.park, waiting for him. what the fuck? heeseung was more confused now. maybe they were going to congratulate him for the good work this semester? his coach’s face said otherwise though.
“there you are, you may be wondering why you’re here..” mrs.park started. heeseung nodded, feeling uneasy.
“a student came forward, showing how you copied word for word her whole assignment, the one i assigned a week ago. i didn’t notice it at first but it’s very clear now, you may know how cheating is unacceptable in my class, i’ve decided to fail you in this assignment, plus you’ll be serving detention this whole week..” she turned to the coach.
heeseung’s heart started beating at a rapid pace, he’s never been caught cheating, and being failed on the assignment that was a big part of his grade, it means he’s most likely failing the class now. the rules for football stated that all players should be passing all of their classes if not, they’ll be dropped….
no no no, the lee heeseung can’t be dropped. he’s the captain! the star player!
“since you’re failing this class heeseung, i think you know what’s about to happe-“
“please coach! don’t kick me out, i’m the captain! what would the team do without me? i’ll get my grade up as soon as possible im-“
“calm down calm down, i’m not going to kick you out, it’s the middle of the season, but unfortunately you won’t be playing the next three games. if your grade is not up by then, then i will drop you. understood?” his coach stated earning a sharp nod by heeseung.
he’s glad he’s still on the team but what’s the point if he can’t play? he’s going to become a joke. the captain that’s a bench warmer. how stupid.
he left the classroom enraged. he knows exactly who did this.
“bro what? what do you mean you ain’t gonna play ?” riki said in disbelief at what his captain just said.
“some snitch told mrs.park that i cheated on the last assignment and coach suspended me for the next three games, and i got detention all week!” sunghoon unknowingly chuckled. heeseung looked at him with a glare.
“what? she got you good, what did you expect hee?�� sunghoon kept laughing, making some of the others also laugh silently.
heeseung had nothing to say back, he just rolled his eyes. “tch, whatever.”
nevertheless, you were overjoyed seeing heeseung slouching on the bench. you couldn’t miss this once in a lifetime scenario. obviously you were the cause for it. heeseung asks Isa almost all the time for her notes or to straight up copy her. she willingly let you rat him out after what he did to you.
he can sense how all eyes were on him, but he just tried to block everyone out a focus on the game. he had a poker face on, but deep inside he was irritated . he saw how you were smirking and laughing with your two little friends. you knew what you were doing.
>>
“ahh look who it is, the benchwarmer! “ you said chuckling as you made your way to heeseung.
after the team (barely) won, jake threw an ‘after party’ at his house. even though you don’t normally go to these parties, especially from those boys, you felt like a party would do good with your marvellous mood. something about seeing heeseung’s frowny face made feel over the moon.
“seems like cat got your tongue now huh? dont have anything to say-“
in a blink of an eye you were pulled into a room, heeseung’s fingers wrapped around your neck, pulling your face closer to his.
“what the fuck? heeseung-“
“shut the fuck up.” his hoarse voice caught you off guard. he was actually really mad.
“you think what you did it’s fucking funny? huh? almost getting me kicked out ? “ you’ve never seen him this enraged before. making you almost scared, yet….kinda turned on? no, you hate him, snap out of it! you told yourself yet the wetness in between your legs became hard to ignore.
you didn’t respond. “fuck, you’re so annoying, i can’t fucking stand you. i hate you.” he saw lowly. fuck that was hot.
you spoke before thinking. “then show me.”
not needing to tell him twice, heeseung pulled you completely in. your lips met in a kiss that was anything but gentle, a fierce and consuming clash that spoke longing and raw need.
The kiss deepened, fueled by an unspoken urgency, their mouths exploring each other with a fervor that left y’all breathless. his grip on your neck becoming tighter.
“shit im gonna show you to fucking behave.” he said before pushing you into the bed forcefully. you may have discovered a new kink of yours. watching as he undressed himself and yourself rapidly. feeling his anger through every touch he gave you.
he rubbed through your folds before inserting two fingers aggressively. your body jolted at the sudden move.
“holy shit go softer dumbass.”
“aw you think i give a fuck? suck it up and take it since you think you’re all that.” his fingers pumped faster and faster making it hard for you to answer back to his stupid remarks.
“oh my god..” you tried to pull his hand away before you cum. not wanting to see you orgasm so easily yet.
“just fuck me already heeseung, or is your dick as tiny as your brain?”
heeseung looked darkly at you. that stupid mouth of yours can’t shut up will it?
he retracted his fingers put of you and took his boxers off. wanting nothing more than to prove you wrong.
shit. your eyes went wide at what stood in front of you. saying he was big was an understatement. it was like a zipper for your mouth. how was that thing going to fit inside of you?
“can’t say anything now, can you slut?” he pulled your legs down the mattress to have you at the perfect angle to ram into you.
heeseung ran his til over your folds, teasing his way in. making you aggrevated.
“just put it in for fucks sake!”
“tell me how bad you want it.” you shook your head, no way were you going to beg. no way.
“alright then, i guess im gonna go.” he said letting go of your waist, acting as if he was going to leave.
“okay okay! please fuck me, i want it so bad, i want your big cock so bad heeseung.” heeseung moaned at your words. he didn’t wait any longer and thrusted all of him in you.
you both moaned yet it was more painful for you. you’ve never had something so big inside you before.
“fuck yeah..” he said then grabbing your neck, slightly choking you. your hands went to his biceps, trying to find something to hold on to as the speed he was thrusting in became more hostile.
“fuck me harder, like the asshole you are.” you said in between breaths. heeseung took the challenge and thrusted violently. the skin slapping and wetness of your core could probably be heard in the party outside.
“of course a whore like you would like to be fucked like this.”
before you could respond he pulled out of you earning a desperate groan from you, but then your were flipped, now on all fours and before you knew it he was back in you again. gripping your hip with one hand while he pulled your hair on the other.
“such a tight pussy, you probably fantasized about this am i right?” he said in your ear. you shook your head through your moan.
“in your dreams lee, in your fucking dreams. fuck you.”
“i’m quite literally doing that.” chuckling, he let go of your hair and instead gripped your other hip, going in deeper, nudging your cervix literally driving you to an edge.
“fuck i’m cumming.” you cried out. never has an orgasm felt like this. heeseung was on edge as well, feeling you clench around his dick did it for him.
your climax rose over you, making you fall into the pillow while heeseung kept thrusting until his own organs came over him, pulling out and releasing his white ropes all over your back.
tiredly, he laid besides you in the strangers bed, not knowing what to say now.
you turned to him, smirking. “i think i may hate you even more now.”
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luvfy0dor ¡ 6 months ago
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Bites or Hickeys? Various x GN!Reader ੈ✩‧₊˚
Warnings; suggestive, obv biting, hickeys, perhaps ooc,
Fandoms; Bungo Stray Dogs, Death Note, Attack on Titan, Obey Me
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A/n; ogs remember when I was purple, but anyways happy 1 year of writing to me!! I'm super proud of my account and I'm so insanely thankful for all the love I've received and acquaintances/friends I've made. Thank you guys so much <3 even tho there have been times where I really thought I'd quit, I kept going and I'm so grateful I did
Bites ★
The feeling of their teeth sinking into your skin makes them feel almost electric, as if a spark has been lit inside their chest and cause an explosion of carnal desire. Some are softer with it, kissing and licking over the imprints of their teeth to soothe the mild pain it might have caused, but others just bite and move on to the next unoccupied spot. They can't help how desperate they are for you and to prove to themselves that they have you, and their affectionate gestures prove that theyre yours. After all, they'd never do the same for anyone else. Ofcourse after the heat of the moment died down, whether they were gentler or rougher earlier, they'd kiss over the indents and whisper soft praises and murmurs about whatever came to mind. Moments like those were their favorites- second to the actual rendezvous, ofcourse.
• RANPO, Dazai, Akutagwa, Kaji, Twain, Sasha, Zeke, Pieck, MELLO, Belphie, Satan, Leviathan
Hickeys ★
They prefer giving hickeys, sometimes because they think it's classier than biting, and others because they don't want to hurt you by biting too hard. They will, however, make you look just as ravaged, littering your pretty skin with dark, organically shaped marks. Their hands pin your wrists above your head while they suck and lick at your neck, humming as if they were enjoying a meal made by a world-class chef. Their eyes would flicker up to meet yours every now and again, lips curling upwards as they shove one of their knees between yours, allowing you to grind against their thigh while they make quick work of undoing your top and belt. They're far more shameless when they're leaving them along your thighs, so shameless that you almost look like you were bruised- no one was going to see them anyways, so why should they be modest? They'd be lying if they said being able to claim you in such a way didnt turn them on. ♡⁠˖
• fyodor, Sigma, Kunikida, Ango, Mori, Fitzgerald, Fukuzawa, Margaret, Poe, Erwin, Mikasa, Reiner, Historia, Lucifer
Both! ★
They simply can't choose, whether adorning your neck and thighs in dark, dotted half-moons or burgundy splotches, they can't get enough of you. They usually leave them in concealed places, but sometimes it's so difficult to not mark you up all over, especially when you're writhing underneath them and clinging to them like a vice because their lips and mouth just feel that good. You'd intertwines your fingers in their hair, pulling them closer or tugging them away when you're lying breathlessly in the wrinkled and messy sheets. They'd ask you if it's too much, rubbing circles into the sides of your hips with a wide, cheeky grin. God, you looked so good underneath them, all bashful and shy with your eyes half lidded and your lips slightly agape. Your labored breaths and quiet sighs were like music to their ears, so really, how could they choose just one when they could give you both and double the fun? ♡⁠˖
• NIKOLAI, Chuuya, yosano, bram, Oda, Atsushi, Lucy, Mushitaro, Tecchou, Tachihara, Eren, jean, Connie, Armin, Hange, maybeee levi, Ymir, Matt, Matsuda, Misa, im torn between both and neither for L, Mammon, Asmo, Beel
Neither ★
They prefer not to leave a physical mark on you, but rather give you a good time to remember them by. A mark will fade quicker than a memory. ♡⁠˖
• Nathaniel Hawthorne, Light, Jouno
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A/n: hey chat I didn't realize today was my anniversary so I kinda speedran the characters, it might not be SUIUUPER in character so I'm sorry 😞
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drawcupidsbow ¡ 3 months ago
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happy birthday isat :)
this took me Wayyyy longer than i thought it would so thats why its a bit late.. ehheh.... i really like how it turned out though !! extra stuff under the cut
okay. okay im gonna get a bit sappy here. bear (🐻) with me
isat has very quickly become my favorite game of all time which is not an exaggeration. never have i played a game that felt so real in its dialogue, characterization, and character interactions. it makes it so easy to relate to them all and so difficult to pick just One favorite. it cured my art block watered my crops fed my family etc etc. i had originally bought it nearly a year ago now. on christmas day to be specific! and for some reason i didnt actually Finish the damn thing until may. and whew did it consume my every waking thought. i havent had this much fun theorizing and being part of a fandom in general in so so long. thank you adrienne for making such a wonderful game and thank you isat fandom for being so kind and friendly! i actually feel like i can make an effort to have a presence here more than anywhere else and i hope i can become closer with all my mutuals and anyone else who wants to talk about isat with me for one million years
okay enough Heres the art you came here for
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first time in like. actual years i did sketch then lineart instead of just cleaning up the sketch a bunch LOL so here is the sketch for this one
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the dreaded lineart. this took the longest time and i never want to draw again (joke)
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self explanatory. i had an idea to add loop but do Not have the energy to execute it currently. oh well!
if you read my big big paragraph of rambling thank you :3c That is all. Im gonna go take a break from drawing for a day or two and lay on the floor
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jinkiezzsstuff ¡ 1 year ago
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Wing Grooming
lucifer x gn reader
warnings: i’ve written before but i don’t do it often so be aware, written on mobile, no mention of skin colour/bodytype/gender/hair type, no use of Y/N, slightly sexual but no real smut, cursing.
i love lucifer and i love the wings shtick <3 also i’ve worked with birds so im applying my knowledge of them here teehee
lemme know whatcha think this is only the second time homegirls written an xreader. also writing on tumblr sucks it deleted my shii so many times and i had to keep rewriting paragraphs
𝔓��𝔯𝔱 𝔗𝔴𝔬 :)
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Lucifer anxiously paced around his room in the hotel, unable to relax due to his wings, they were itchy. Normally he used various different objects to break the casting of new feathers, and remove those pesty pin feathers. He’s been so busy at the hotel recently, he completely neglected his feathers causing some unfortunate issues with his malt. After all he didn’t have only two he had a whole six, and it wasn’t easy to take care of all at once. In all honesty, Lucifer would rather cut them off before asking for assistance with preening them. Tossing his hat to the side his wings popped out unwillingly loose feathers flying around him. Curling the first set in front of him, he picked through to find the cause of the itch and discomfort. Chills ran up his back as his fingers gently searched through, they were sensitive from lack of care not to mention preening never failed to give him goose bumps. A knock sounded from his door making him jump, his wings puffing out around him. “Uh, ah, one moment.” He shouted in a sing songy voice, jumping to his feet from where he sat he hurried over eager to get back to preening.
Swining the door open you stood on the other side smiling with papers in your grasp. Keeping his wings hidden slightly behind him and the door he greeted you with a charming smile. "Hi luce, Charlie said these belonged to you something to do with the different rings?" Quirking your head to the side you observed the king with curiosity. He was visibly uncomfortable, fidgeting and shifting from side to side. "Are you alright?" He blew air out in a pft sound at you and stood a little straighter. "Just a little feather issues, you know how it can be..." Lucifer trailed looking off to the side trying hard to ignore the stinging itch that shot through one wing.
“Oh can I help in any way, if that’s not strange?” You ask innocently but Lucifer’s mind went immediately to the gutter with the thought of you tracing your hands down his back and his combing through feathers, it made him shiver with delight. Although his blush was evident and his demeanour dropped to a slightly more shy one, you remained waiting patiently for his answer. “It’s- uh, normally, i don’t let anybody touch them. Um, but you can! Of course..” He trailed switching between stretching himself up with confidence and shrinking down again with doubt, regardless of his apprehension he still stood aside opening the door wider for you to enter. “It’s just the preening process is all. Difficult to reach.” Lucifer muttered as you welcome yourself into his room. With a bright smile you reassured him that you would do as he asked and you’d rather help than have him be stuck with that icky discomfort.
Setting the paperwork down on a table, Lucifer closed the door and lingered next to a bench sofa whistling as his wings flapped him at random behind him. Turning to him he looked a little shy still not fully meeting your gaze. Unsure of what exactly to do but you gave him an assuring smile. “I don’t have to do this, I can get Charlie to?”
Lucifer laughed quickly shaking his head. “Ha ha, no that would make things worse actually, you’re much preferred! Just y’know it’s a lot to work on.” Plopping down on the bench he outstretched his wings behind him on full display for you, his heart pounding against his ribs. You felt a zap of emotion shoot through you at the admission that you were wanted by him for this job.
It wasn't a secret Charlie's dad woo'd you the moment he waltzed in the door, but your loyalty was with Charlie and you didn't want to disrespect her by eye fucking her divorced father while he's here to help. Although Charlie seemed pretty enthralled that her father was making an effort to spend time with her friends, even elbowing you and whispering that he seemed to particularly enjoy conversation with you.
After that it was harder to ignore the way you felt for the King, Charlie would constantly drop not so subtle hints that her dad took a liking to you and that caused your mind to wander and fantasize. From there on you got more confidence putting yourself in situations to catch him alone in conversation or help him with different tasks he had to complete. Beginning your work on his wings, you hummed quietly to yourself easily spotting several pin feathers coming in that needed to have the keratin shell taken off. Carefully you split the feathers away and massaged off the shells one by one listening to Lucifers pleasant hms, groans and sighs. He visibly slumped, and his body rested just barely against your thigh as you worked on the very top wing. “These look pretty cluttered hun, have you been struggling to care for them?” You didn’t even notice the pet name slip as you called everyone off handed pet names, but Lucifer did notice and it brought him a warmth he hadn’t felt in a very long time. Sweetly talking to him about his wings without judgement, combing them comfortingly, humming like an angel just to him. It felt as good as when his ex wife was still around caring for his wings. It’d been so long since someone was by his side caring for him like this.
Lucifer never responded properly to your question about upkeep only humming in a trance like state as you worked your way through the top set of wings "You're so good at this, sheesh, I wish you'd do this all the time." You blushed faltering slightly which Lucifer panicked about, tensing and opening his eyes. "Of course i'm only spit balling, heh, it's just so relaxing like a sauna!" Shaking your head you moved down to the last set of feathers not missing the way he shuddered with your touch. "It's alright i don't mind that you say that. It feels nice actually, to help you." Lucifer didn't say anything feeling suddenly heated as ever as if hell wasn't hot enough. The feathers closest to his hips were unsurprisingly the most sensitive and the touches although innocent felt suggestive to him. The King felt dirty for feeling a euphoric sense of pleasure ripple through his bodv and straight to his junk while you unknowly worked through his feathers. “You okay? Did I hurt you?" You asked noticing his breath picking up and his body stiffening. Lucifer grinned and turned to look at you you meeting his gaze and seeing just how dazed he truly was. "I'm just... well,"
It was like his throat closed as he looked back at you crouched down to get at the last row of feathers that were draped along the floor. The king swallowed snapping his head forward again. “Ahem, I’m sensitive, good, sensitive.” He had hoped you understood his insinuations. Which you had. Breathing in deeply you flattened your hand out spreading your fingers and combing through the feathers more methodically from the base of his wings and outward. That cause him to jump up standing straight, you followed in persuit, panicking that you crossed a big line. His wings twitched but he stayed staring forward rigid, you quickly walked around the bench calling to him softly. “Lucifer i am so sorry if i crossed the line, that, that was unacceptable i’m so sorry.” To which Lucifer spun to you, face red, grabbing your shoulders he smiled a somewhat embarrassed smile. “No no, that was completely fine, i just,” Lucifer pulled away tucking his hands away from you, again which was kind of upset you.
“I think if we continue that, type of grooming, I won’t be able to control myself.” Although still shy about his admission his eyes were half lidded and his smile sly. You felt fire explode in your stomach all innocence out the window as your mind settled on one thought. You were gonna bang your friends divorced dad.
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hxnbi ¡ 2 months ago
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hi!! I love your writing :). I wanted to request an angst to fluff scenario where reader likes the boy and confesses to him but he turns her down, but then he later regrets it and comes back?? and they live happily ever after??? i don’t really have any specific preferences other than that but im such a sucker for rejecting and regretting/she falls first he falls harder scenarios!! im using her/she to refer to the reader rn but i dont have any preference, just not sure how else to write it haha id love if you could include suo, togame, and umemiya but totally up to you :).
hey so thanks sm for your request! i loved writing this and with these boys, tho umemiya's does end on a pretty angsty note with how i was initially drafting it. i hope thats okay ♡
confessions, rejections, and regrets
⸻ °♡⃘ . you confess to the boy you liked, only to be rejected. or so you think, as, unbeknownst to you, the next time, it would be him begging for your heart
⸝⸝ 𑅛𑅫 Suo Hayato
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Tears. All you could feel dripping from your face and down your cheeks was the salty aftermath of your own tears. And standing before you, the boy who had just rejected you.
"I'm sorry, I just don't see you in that light," Suo, with his hands firmly placed in front of the other, repeated, further breaking your heart into a million pieces.
Pitifully, you laughed—but little humour was found in the dreary quiet of your heart. "I know," you whispered, choking down the ache that was your confession to the person you'd grown to admire and love.
The pain lingered with every thought—that Suo was simply just too good for you, but so did your respect for him. Even if you tried your hardest to do so, you just couldn't find it in yourself to dislike him. 
Suo had always been kind, even as he rejected you.
That was part of why you liked him so much in the first place. Even if it hurt, you couldn't blame him for having such feelings about you that just weren't the same. You couldn't continue to be selfish.
"I know. Just, thank you, for hearing me out," you said, your voice becoming surprisingly steady, slowly accepting what you heard. "That's just the kind of person you are."
And then you walked away. You refused to let him see the fresh tears welling up in your eyes. You respected his choice. If he didn't reciprocate your feelings, you couldn't force it. It had to be mutual—or nothing at all.
Days turned into weeks, and though you still felt the ache of his rejection, like with most things, you had to move on and push forward. You treated Suo the same way you treated everyone else. Although, you couldn't deny that it was rather awkward after Suo saw you well up with tears dripping down your face like a waterfall. And it didn't help that you both were friends with the Furin first years, like Kiryu and Nirei, whom you were very close to.
So, time and time again, you would avoid Suo like the plague; all the while, he seemed to watch from afar, unsure of how to bridge the gap. You were always respectful, never bitter, never clinging. It was difficult, but you refused to let your emotions tarnish your friendship or make things awkward. 
Suo, however, found himself unable to stay away. He'd initially assumed your feelings for him were just surface-level, a kind of shallow attraction to his looks, but that couldn't have been further from the truth. He only realized this when he peeled back the layers of who you were—a kind, genuine individual so far removed from the superficial affection he had imagined. And as time passed, he began to notice more—the way you treated everyone around you with the same kindness and consideration.
But over time, Suo would see you purposely trying to hide from him, all the while pretending everything was okay and nothing changed. It was saddening, in a way, how your laughter grew quieter, your gaze avoiding his, and the fun and games you two once shared together seemed to slip through his fingers like grains of sand.
But you couldn't hide from Suo forever. 
"He just doesn't like me, Nirei.”
Taking a walk around the neighbourhood that evening, following his typical routine, Suo had unknowingly overheard you talking to Nirei. And unlike his straightforward character, he continued to hide behind the wall and listen, his heart aching with every word he caught from your lips.
"It’s not that I don’t care…" you said softly to Nirei, who had asked about what had happened between you and Suo. "He rejected me, and I have to respect that. You can't have a relationship if both sides don't feel the same."
"I see... B-But do you still like him?" Nirei finally asked, twiddling his own thumbs. 
You hesitated for a moment before answering, "I do."
That conversation was what really hit him hard. That you still liked him. That maybe... he wasn't too late to come around.
"Nirei, not knowing what to say to a person who seemingly still had feelings for one of his closest friends, winced, "He'll... he'll come around," not necessarily finding the right words, but you didn't appear to mind it. Rather, you were too distracted with your own feelings.
And Suo, hidden from view, felt his chest tighten. He wasn't sure why he'd been hiding in the first place, but suddenly, he couldn't bear to listen any longer. He shouldn't even be here, listening to your conversation and very obviously intruding on your privacy. 
But just before he could slip away, though, very conveniently, Sakura popped out from behind the corner. "The hell are you doing back here?" loud enough for both you and Nirei to hear and turn your heads to meet the noise—and Suo, right before your very eyes. 
Your eyes went wide in shock as you spotted Suo standing right there, seemingly who had heard everything.
"S-Suo, what are you—"
Back-and-forth looks were exchanged, and so too was the silence. Nirei and Sakura gave brief, knowing glances, and with a single look, Nirei left you two alone, much to your dismay and humiliation. 
You stood frozen, your mind racing with a thousand thoughts, none of which managed to form coherent words to say to the boy who had basically just heard you confess your feelings to him once again. Nervous and fidgeting, you finally let out a sigh. "Hayat– Suo, I'm really sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I promise that I'm not going to bother you anymore. I really—"
But your words and apologies were left on deaf ears—cut off mid-sentence before Suo suddenly reached for you, his hand gently pulling you toward him. Before you could even process what was happening, you found yourself wrapped in his arms, your head resting against his chest.
"I was wrong."
"…H-Huh?"
"I was so, so wrong," he muttered, grasping at the edge of your sleeve even tighter than just a second ago. "I thought you only liked me for shallow reasons, but... I've realized that I like you too. More than I ever let myself admit. And I apologize for making you wait."
You blinked, your brain going haywire, trying to comprehend every word that left his lips, but Suo only held you tighter, his chin resting on the top of your head. When you didn't answer, he went on—whether that was for your or his own reassurance that you wouldn't be the one rejecting him this time was unclear.
"I'm sorry it took me so long to see it, but I don't want to let this go," he murmured. "I don't want to lose you." He regretted every moment of him rejecting you since that day. And if you were to be the one rejecting him this time… 
Your breath hitched at the base of your throat, disbelief seeping into your every thought. Was he serious…? The boy who had rejected you, who had caused you so much heartache, was now confessing to the very feelings you had once longed to hear.
'You make it so unfair…' you muttered. 
Part of you wanted to reject him, to make him feel how you felt after he rejected you. But deep down, you knew you couldn't find it in yourself to throw away this chance. And neither could Suo.
"I… I still like you, too."
Your voice was hardly audible, but Suo heard it loud and clear. He pulled away just enough to meet your eyes, his expression soft and vulnerable. "Then let's start over."
Your lips trembled into a small smile. "Alright."
Suo leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead, until Suo suddenly grabbed your hand, making you jump slightly. "Come on," he said, tugging you gently. "Let's go grab something to eat. I know of a good spot that just opened that serves your favourite food."
"W-Wait, Hayato, I thought you were on a diet?" you stammered, completely caught off guard by his change in behaviour. He had always been strict about his routine—always so disciplined, so focused. But now, he seemed different. Lighter, somehow. But that was Suo for you.
He smiled, softer this time, his eyes lovingly meeting yours. "I can't miss this opportunity to spend time with a special someone. You can't keep avoiding me forever," making your face flush crimson as his words sunk in.
⸝⸝ 𑅛𑅫 Togame Jo
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Shit… he shouldn't have said that.
Togame's words had slipped out before he could stop them, and the second he did, he knew he had fucked up. He cursed from under his breath, his hands already reaching out toward you as your face crumpled with hurt.
You stood there, staring at him—processing every snide word that left Togame's mouth—your chest rising and falling as if you were struggling even to breathe. He didn't mean it. He knew he didn't mean it, and he was pretty sure you knew that, too. But the damage was done, and he could see it in your eyes, the way he could see the shimmering of unshed tears ready to drip down your flushed cheeks..
"I'm sorry," Togame said immediately, his voice softening as he pulled you into a tight embrace, his arms wrapping around you like a protective barrier. He could feel you stiffen in his hold, your hands pushing weakly against his chest, but he wasn't about to let go, not on that horrible note. 
"Let go, Jo," you said, your voice barely above a whisper. "You made your decision. You've... I've already said enough."
But Togame wasn't listening. Not with what he just had done and said that only left him with regrets. He couldn't take it anymore. Not the sadness in your voice, not the way you tried to pull away from him like he was a stranger. No, he wasn't letting you walk away like this, not after everything you had shared. And certainly not after everything he just spat at you.
"I didn't mean it, okay?" His words were rushed, almost desperate. Togame's grip on you only tightened with time, refusing to let go even an inch. "I was stupid. I-I'm sorry, I didn't know what I was saying, but I promise you, I'll fix this. I can't stand seeing you like this."
Your heart hurt at his words. You were utterly torn between wanting to believe him and protecting yourself from further hurt. After all, he had already said plenty… "You don't get just to say something like that and then take it back, Jo. It doesn't work like that..."
Togame's breath hitched as your words sliced the air and, in turn, his heart. His mind and body froze
That wasn't it. Not at all. He liked you. He loved you.
His rejection was but a projection of his own insecurities—that he wouldn’t be the right person for you.
But never did he think that he too didn’t want anyone else in your life, that it made his heart ache just thinking about it, the idea of someone else seeing your smile, hearing your laugh and holding the piece of your heart he so desperately longed for—that he previously had thrown away. 
He hated himself for it—hated that he’d let his fears dictate his actions, that he’d hurt the one person who made his world feel less empty.
But he couldn’t let this end here. Not like this.
"I know. But— fuck…" he said quietly, his voice breaking, cracking into incomprehensible pieces of a heartbroken sentence. His shoulders trembled as he finally loosened his rough grip on you. Although his hands still rested hesitantly on your shoulders. “I know I can’t undo what I said, but I need you to know... I was wrong. I’m so damn wrong, and I’m so sorry.”
Scrunching your face, you shook your head, gaze fixed on the ground as you tried to will away the tears that had long streamed down your face. “Why, Jo?”
Why. A simple explanation as to his stupid, idiotic, impulsive mistake was all that you wanted from him. 
His heart clenched at your words. Pure guilt tore him apart. He wished he could go back and rewind time to the moment before his insecurities took over. But he couldn’t. All he had now was this moment to make things right.
“Because I’m a coward!” 
His confession all tumbled out in a rush, unfiltered. “I’m a fucking coward.” Every word was a weight being lifted from his chest, all in hopes that you might understand might hear him out, even if it wouldn’t completely change things.  “I thought... I thought you deserved someone better. Someone who wouldn’t screw things up like I always do. Someone who could make you happy without dragging you into all my mess.”
Your eyes flickered up to meet his, for once, the honesty in his voice catching you heavily off guard. He appeared to be so unusually vulnerable, completely stripped of the bravado he usually wore like armour on his fists.
“But I can’t stop thinking about you,” he continued, his hands sliding down your arms as if needing a sense of reassurance that you were still with him and by his side and not a figment of his imagination. Hesitant but hopeful. “Every time I tried to push you away, it just made me want you more. And I was a complete idiot for thinking I could ever be okay without you.”
“Togame...”
“And I get it if you hate me for this,” he interrupted, all the words tumbling out of his mouth before he lost his nerve. “But I need you to know... I’m not asking for a second chanc—” he paused his sentence, before he could lose his resolve completely. “I love you. I’ve loved you all along, even when I was too scared to admit it.”
Your chest tightened. You oh-so-wanted to stay angry, to hold onto the pain, but his confession was undoing every wall you had tried to build.
“I'll do whatever it takes to make it up to you. Just... don't walk away from me. Please. Not like this."
“.....”
“...Do you mean that?” 
Your voice was hardly audible as you looked up at him.
“More than anything.” 
Togame cupped your smaller face in his callous hands, his thumb brushing away a stray tear that had escaped down your cheek, kissing the pain away.  “I’ll spend the rest of my life proving it to you if that’s what it takes.”
For the slightest moment, neither of you spoke. You could hardly hear a thing other than the sound of your breathing and the beat of his heart pressed tightly against yours. You felt his arms around you, warm and safe, and despite everything, a part of you wanted to stay right there, to believe that things could be okay. 
Then, slowly, you nodded, the smallest of smiles breaking through your tears. “I hate that you’re so good at making me believe you,” you said softly, for the first time all day, a small laugh escaped your lips. And it was heavenly. It was what he loved so much about you. 
Togame’s lips quirked up in a tentative grimace. “Does that mean… I get another shot?”
“Don’t make me regret it,” you murmured, but your voice was warm, filled with the hope that maybe—just maybe—this time things could be different. "I'm not going anywhere," you finally said. "But you have to mean it this time, Jo."
He nodded, his forehead resting against yours. "I do. I promise."
So, just like that, you let it go. Slowly, you relaxed in his arms, letting the weight of your sadness slip away, if only for a moment. Togame didn't let go, and neither did you.
And in that moment, wrapped in his arms, you allowed yourself to believe him. For now, that was enough.
⸝⸝ 𑅛𑅫 Umemiya Hajime
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"But we can still be friends!" Umemiya's voice rang out, almost too cheerful for the conversation you'd just had. He flashed you that familiar smile, oblivious to how his words felt like a punch to your chest. 
"Oh! There's actually an event at Furin soon. I know you like a good barbecue. You should join us! It'll be fun!"
You stared at him, nonblinking, and for a brief second, you couldn't believe he was serious. How could he be so, casual? He must be playing you, right...? But no, that was just how Umemiya was, as you've found him for years.
You had just poured your entire heart into him, and in return, he offered you friendship—a friendship that you already had with him for years—as if it were a consolation prize. 
But your heart ached so much, desperate for any kind of connection to him, that even the slightest bit of attention, however hollow, felt like a lifeline. So you nodded, forcing a polite smile across your face. "Yeah... sure, I'll come."
And just like that, you became that of a shadow, a close friend who laughed at his jokes, stayed by his side when he needed someone, and cheered for him during the times when you both would play video games. You were nothing more than a mere member of his Furin family. All the times you would talk and laugh together with them were great,  and even the occasional late-night hangouts. But it wasn't enough. It was never fully enough. 
Staying close to Umemyia only made you want him more, and that fact haunted you. Being so close to him yet knowing you couldn't have him the way you wanted was agony. The more time you spent around him, the more you craved his attention, but not as a friend, no, but as something more. It gnawed at you, that longing, and with each passing day, it became harder and harder to pretend. 
It wasn't just unfair to you—it was unfair to him, too. He deserved someone who wouldn't secretly hope for something more, who wouldn't keep pushing the boundary between friendship and something deeper. You knew this arrangement couldn't go on, not without tearing you apart.
So, one night, after finally gathering the courage, you decided to put an end to it. But unbeknownst to you, Umemiya wasn't doing any better either. 
Before, he never considered you more than a friend—someone who'd been there through all the ups and downs, always supportive, always kind, always you.
He never questioned the ease with which he could talk to you or the way your laughter seemed to brighten the atmosphere of any room you were in. 
So when you finally confessed to him that very day—that your feelings toward him were more than what he thought—he hadn't thought much of it beyond friendship. He didn't think it was deeper than that… not until after he turned you down.
At first, Umemiya was convinced it was the right thing to do. He told himself he didn't feel the same way. But as the days passed, those same thoughts weighed differently on him. The way you still smiled at him, still treated him the same even after his rejection—it gnawed at him. 
He started seeing the little things he hadn't noticed before. The way you always knew exactly what to say to cheer him up after a bad day, the way your eyes lingered on him for just a second too long, the way your laugh sounded like it was just for him. 
And suddenly, it wasn't just about friendship anymore.
At night, alone with his thoughts, he realized he had been wrong. So, so wrong. The feelings he'd dismissed as just a fleeting affection had grown—almost insidiously—into something he couldn't ignore. It became a constant. An ache of longing to be near you, but this time, not just as a friend, but as someone who could hold you, kiss you, call you his own. 
So when you suddenly asked for him to, and you meet up together alone after the barbeque, Umemiya's heart jumped in his chest. This was it. This was his chance to fix everything and correct his mistake, to tell you the truth, to apologize for being so dense. He was ignorant, blatant even, to one of the dearest people in the world to him. 
Tonight, he was going to do it. He was going to make it up to you by apologizing and asking for forgiveness. He was excited, hopeful even, imagining the moment when he'd pour out his heart and beg for your forgiveness. You were kind, after all. You'd understand. You had to.
He could barely contain his nerves as he waited for you, replaying his apology speech over and over in his mind. 
But when you arrived, something felt off. But Umemyia merely brushed it off as mere nerves. But then you spoke.
"I can't do this anymore."
Your eyes met his, and for a moment, Umemiya's heart stopped. He forced a laugh, trying to shake off the unease creeping into his chest. "What do you mean? O-Oh! If you're talking about how Sakura was acting earlier, hah, he doesn't mean it! You know how he is, just messing around."
But you didn't smile. You didn't laugh. Your expression remained serious, and it made his stomach drop. No, it couldn't be, right?
"Umemiya, I can't do this anymore," you repeated once again, your voice breaking, trembling in a way he had never heard before. "I can't just act like nothing happened anymore. I thought that I could continue being your friend. I really tried. But... it hurts too much. Please, I—"
His heart clenched. No, no, no—this wasn't right. This wasn't how tonight was supposed to go. He was supposed to apologize, to tell you how he felt, to fix things. But now, seeing you like this, so hurt, it paralyzed him.
"Don't say it."
"Hajime, please. Don't make this any harder than it has to be."
No, he couldn't let you walk away. Not like this. Not when everything had finally clicked for him. Before he could stop himself, the words spilled out, desperate and unplanned.
"—BUT I LOVE YOU!!"
And he said it.
The moment those words escaped his lips, everything seemed to freeze, and the silence that followed was unbearable. He watched you, waiting for some sign, some reaction that would let him know he wasn't too late. But your eyes... they were filled with so much pain, it made his heart ache even more.
You didn't speak right away, and the longer the silence stretched, the more regret began to claw at him. Why hadn't he seen it sooner? Why did he wait until now, when you were standing here, on the verge of walking away, to realize how much you meant to him? His own foolishness, his blindness—it was too much to bear.
"Why now?" you finally asked. Your voice was soft, barely audible, as if you were afraid of the answer he was giving. It wasn't angry, but it wasn't hopeful either. It was aching, that desperate part of you. "Why... after everything?"
Umemiya couldn’t answer. He didn't have a good reason. He just knew that he loved you now, that he couldn't imagine his life without you in it. But he also knew that might not be enough.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, his hands trembling at his sides. "I'm so sorry. I didn't realize... I didn't know until it was too late."
The tears in your eyes broke him. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. He thought he'd be able to fix things, to make everything right, but now it felt like everything was slipping through his fingers.
And much to his horror, you shook your head slowly, stepping back, the distance between you growing—both physically and emotionally. "It's not fair, Hajime. You can't just say that now... not after everything."
For the first time in his life, Umemiya Hajime didn’t know what to say. He stood there, stunned, the words he wanted to say lodged in his throat because, deep down, he already knew.
He didn’t have the right to ask for more when he had rejected the very thing he now realized he couldn’t live without. He had turned you away, convinced it was for the best, only to understand far too late just how much he had thrown away. His indecision—his cowardice—had led to this moment. And now, it wasn’t just his heart breaking; it was yours, too.
He opened his mouth, tried to reach for you, but his arms fell back to his sides. He couldn’t keep making excuses. He couldn’t selfishly try to pull you back, not when his own fickleness had caused you so much pain.
So he let it happen. Right before his very eyes, he watched you take another step back, your face etched with a hurt he knew he had no way of easing. And when you turned, it felt as though the entire world had slipped out of his grasp.
The streets around him blurred as he stared at the spot where you had just stood, his mind and body going through the realization that he might just never get the chance to fix this.
“Wait...” he whispered hoarsely, hand unconsciously reaching forward, but the word fell into the silence, unheard and unanswered.
And with that, you were gone, leaving him behind—alone, with but the cold remnants of his mistakes.
lol i also noticed how each just gets slowly more bittersweet to straight up angsty in umemiya's
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©hxnbi. comments, reblogs and likes are always appreciated ♡
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ciaoteamo ¡ 10 months ago
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can i convince you to write gn!reader with francis mosses? but like… the kicker is a weird one… he’s lactating (can either be a usual occurrence or a weird situation for them) and asks the reader to help
Gøt Milk?
pairings: Milkman x reader
summary: anons request of course!
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warning: 18+ content
“oh, you’re back again i see” You tilt your head to the man opposite of you.
“miss me?” He asks.
“how have you not been killed yet?” Usually doppelgängers couldn’t hang around for too long as the same thing, otherwise people get suspicious and report them.
“i have my ways… are you gonna let me in easy this time? or do i need to show up your D.D.D. douchebags again” He questions.
“well, you know i can never make anything easy for you… what’s on your shirt?” You ask, seeing wet spits welling up right where you assume his nipples are.
“huh? damn it” He rolls his eyes once he realizes.
“is this some sort of abnormality?” You ask.
“you humans swear you know everything” He mumbles.
“well, is it?” You smirk.
“whatever, yes. just help me get rid of it i’ve been dealing with this shit for weeks now after you” He huffed.
“after me? you were the horny bastard that came in here first asking for ‘help’ ” You raise an eyebrow.
“besides, i don’t do favors for jerks” You shrug him off and take a peek at your clock.
“look, (Y/N)-“ He says, voice disoriented, taking you by surprise. He had a fist on the window that he quickly loosened once he saw you look at it.
“quite the temper you have”
“i’m sorry, just- look im desperate right now and you’re making this difficult for me…” His forehead was on the glass and he looked down in defeat.
“awe, i thought that’s what you liked?” You say, getting close to the glass to catch his eye.
He looked at you with knitted eyebrows and an almost pitiful expression. You roll your eyes and press the unlock button, succumbing to the pity.
“hurry up before i change my mind..” You sigh.
As if you needed something else to worry about today.
He came in quickly, and you lock the door again. You could tell he was biting back a shit eating grin.
He closed the door and stood a little awkwardly this time around. “so… what are you gonna do?”
“well obviously i’ll just squeeze it out… do you carry glasses with your get up? or did you just copy his clothes” You cross your arms.
“well i’m not really going door to door so no, i don’t have glasses” he answers, matter of factly.
You approach him, peering at the wet spots that adorned his button up. His nipples looked larger than last time.
You reach out and unbutton down until his pecs were in full display. You could see the beads of milk forming and dripping down the pink areola.
“oh my..” You gently touch one with your thumb and he tenses. With a little more pressure, his hand flew up to grab yours.
“whatever the feeling is, its too much. it’s overwhelming, yet relieving somehow” He explains.
You catch him off guard and use your other hand you squeeze until you saw the white liquid spray out. He choked and groaned, grabbing your hand once again.
“hm..” You look around the office for something to hold the liquid in. You kept your office very neat so there was only a large fast food cup in the trash can and your half empty hydro flask.
You grab the cup from the can and open your flask.
“we’ll use these. don’t worry about this coming from the trash, it only had ice in it beforehand. but you can drink the rest of the water in here if you think it’ll overflow” You inform him.
“also, sit here. ‘cause i’m still gonna give you a hard time” You wink. “if im gonna help you, you’re gonna help me as well”
He sits in your rolling chair and leaned back in the usual man spread position, chest heaving a bit from what you did earlier.
“you see this clipboard? and these folders? they have all of the information for the neighbors that are coming in today. i don’t know if you’ll need it but you know the rules here.” You start.
“for every doppelgänger you catch, i’ll reward you” You propose.
“and i’ll squeeze these baby’s until their dry while we wait on the next person to walk in”
“that’s a piece of cake for me, i can sense other dopplegangers you know?” He says, finally letting you see his over confident grin again.
“don’t care, like i said, you’re doing something for me in return, and this is it. hope you’re looking forward to it since you’re so comfy about it” Your eyes stare into his. His face goes a little pink and you chuckle.
“…oh lucky you! here they come” You push him out of the line of vision and stand in front of the window. “hi, how are you today?”
“i’m well! how are you” The neighbor replied.
“doppelgänger” You hear from the side. You look at the person in front of you. It certainly looked like a neighbor.
“ID please” The woman slides her ID through and you check to see that her name is typed complete backwards.
You close the security window and call D.D.D.
“wait, so you don’t even need to see them to know?” You whisper to the man in your corner. He shakes his head no and you hum to yourself.
D.D.D. comes to clean and you engage in the shirt conversation they have with you. “alright, we’re heading back now… but, (Y/N)?”
“yes?”
“where’s your chair today?” The suited man asks.
“oh, i’m trying to lose weight so im standing this shift” You answer with a smile.
“oh, well you look great already, so don’t push yourself too hard!” He waved and you wave back.
“that was sweet of him” You chuckle. You feel eyes burning a hole into your head and see ‘Francis’ glaring.
“ yOu lOoK gReat alReaDy” He mocked.
“don’t be jealous, it wouldn’t kill you to compliment me” You poke his forehead.
“yeah? well how abou- mmfuck” His annoyance, now diluted by his heightening sense of ecstasy.
“so much better when you aren’t nagging me” You had the reused cup pressed under peck while you massaged the area around his nipple
You tug at it and watch him writhe with the harsh sound of the milk hitting the button of the cup. With your skilled hands, the cup was reaching the halfway mark and his hands were digging into the back of your thighs.
“please…be a little more gentle” He gulps and his adam’s apple slowly bobs.
“we won’t be getting anywhere like that now would we?” You tease, giving him a quick kiss on the corner of his agape mouth.
He shuddered every once in a while and was sweating up a storm. You were kind of envious of the amount of pleasure these things could receive. He was pitching a mountain top before you, and just as the cup was full half way, uou hear the footsteps of another.
You set the cup aside and stand from and center, leaving the man disheveled and thankful for a break from the near overstimulation.
“hi how are you?” You beam at the neighbor. They slide in their I.D. and you skim over it before hearing ‘Francis’ speak up again with a groggy voice.
“human”
“Enjoy your day” You smile and unlock the door, making sure to lock it back. The neighbor smile’s and nods a thank you once inside.
“another good call, you’re on a roll” You smile back at him, feeling a little excited to torture help his other nipple now.
“i’m glad you came to me for this Franny. I never did get an apology for how you left my office last time, you know?” You tilt your head, leaning over the sitting man with a mischievous grin.
“oh yeah, i’m sorry about that” He sorrily smiled.
“no no no, it’s too late. you won’t be leaving until i fulfill my duty here today “ You pat his cheek.
Doppelgängers don’t have morals, no feelings, not a care in the world. And for the first time, you, (Y/N), have made one feel fear, lust, and regret all at once.
And with a talent like that? How could he ever leave you alone?
-end-
AN: what if i posted tiktoks at the end or start of my asks? idk i feel like it would be cool since tiktok’s gonna be gone in like 8 months 😭
Anyway, hope you enjoyed! sorry it look a bit lol.
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atlabeth ¡ 9 months ago
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🧸 - i hope this piques your interest LOL but i'm deep in a benedict bridgerton mood waiting for s3 to air
could you do a fluffy slow burn blurb for him where reader completely takes him by surprise? up to your interpretation men are just always sexier when caught off guard and proven wrong 😁☝🏼
happy 3k again my love!!
twin flames
pairing: benedict bridgerton x fem!reader
summary: you and benedict bond at an art exhibition. he only seems to be oblivious when it can embarrass him most.
a/n: thank you so much for the request!! it was literally the first one and it's taken me almost a month. lol. im so sorry. but i hope you enjoy!!!
wc: 1.1k
warning(s): all fluff
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“This is beautiful,” Benedict murmured, and he glanced at the man beside him. “Is this not one of the best pieces you’ve seen?” 
“I suppose it’s alright,” the man shrugged. 
“Just alright?” He frowned. “Are you feeling well, sir?” 
The man frowned as well as he moved onto the next painting, fully ignoring Benedict. He just shook his head and focused back on the painting, thinking aloud. 
“The use of color is just—” he shook his head again. “It’s incredible. The way the brushstrokes are used for depth and the unique way of shading… It all melds together so well, and yet I never would have thought to use any of it in that way.” 
“Is that true?” 
Benedict’s eyes flickered down to see you by his side, a pretty woman in a rather unassuming dress. He’d never seen you before at one of these exhibits, so you must have been new. He would have remembered a face such as yours. 
“Certainly,” he said, nodding with exuberance. “Art is meant to make you imagine, feel— when I look at this piece, I feel some sort of amazement. It captures the beauty of a starry night impeccably, but the technique gives it a completely fresh feel. It is as if I am looking up at the horizon on my own for the very first time again, amazed by the vastness of the world.” 
You smiled. “That is very kind of you to say, sir. You’ve quite an eye, sir—and certainly a way with words.” 
Benedict shrugged. “It is very simple with a piece such as this. I could wax poetic all day, Miss…” He trailed off, and his gaze fell back to you. “I apologize, my lady. You have me at a disadvantage.” 
That coy smile remained on your lips. “Miss Tilbury. And you are Benedict Bridgerton, yes?” 
He nodded, and he couldn’t help the slightly nervous laugh that came along with being in your presence. “I am embarrassed. You knew my name, but I didn’t know yours. You must forgive me.” 
“Oh, it is of no matter,” you said, brushing your hand through the air. “You already know more about me than most.” 
His eyebrows rose, and when his mouth opened, he found himself at a loss for words. It took a moment to compose himself—it was awfully difficult to think with those pretty eyes focusing so intently on him. 
“Pardon me for asking, but are you new to these exhibits?” 
Your eyebrows rose. “What makes you think that?” 
“I’ve not yet seen you around here,” he said. “And I am sure I would remember a face such as yours.”
“No,” you said, and your smile widened. “No, I frequent these sorts of exhibits. I’ve seen you before—I just must not have caught your eye.” 
“Oh, I think that impossible,” Benedict insisted. “Not only are you quite beautiful, my lady, you’ve also a sharp mind and a quick wit. Those are three things I can never ignore.” 
At that, you fully grinned, and he felt a smile of his own form. He’d only just met you and yet he felt this innate need to bring you joy. Perhaps it was a good thing you’d only just now met, for he could easily imagine thoughts of you consuming his every waking hour. 
“And you are quite the charmer, Mister Bridgerton,” you said. “Are you always this forward with women you just met?” 
“Only ones such as yourself,” he assured. “It is a delight to be able to discuss art with a twin flame.” 
“A twin flame?” 
“Someone who sees things the way I do,” Benedict said. “I tried to have a conversation about this piece with a man just before you, but he did not seem to understand it the way I did. You are refreshing, Miss Tilbury.” 
“Ah,” you said, and you nodded sagely. “Well, I may have just a bit more insight into this piece than that man did. I am the one who painted it, after all.” 
Benedict blinked. The words didn’t fully register in his mind. “What?” 
“I am the artist of this piece,” you said, gesturing at the painting they stood in front of. “I’m certainly flattered to know you enjoy it.” 
Benedict blinked again, and he felt heat spread across his whole face. He could not find any words in him for a strikingly long moment. 
“You can see my signature in the bottom right corner,” you continued. “My initials, of course. I paint under a pseudonym, for though those who run these exhibitions are more progressive than most, it can still be difficult as a woman to get our art displayed.” 
“I— I apologize, my lady,” Benedict finally managed to stammer. 
You tilted your head to the side as you looked back at him. “For what?” 
“For not knowing your name,” he rushed, “and insinuating that you were a newcomer, and acting as if I know more about your own art than you do.” 
You laughed, and Benedict once again found himself smiling at it. It felt like fresh snowfall—you were indeed refreshing. 
“You need not apologize, Mister Bridgerton,” you assured. “I do not lie—it is indeed flattering to know you see my art in such a light. I have seen some of your own pieces, and you are talented.” 
“I do not always feel it,” he mumbled. “More often than not, I can only see the flaws in my work. You have a rare quality indeed, my lady—you are able to compliment yourself.” 
“I do not believe in the need for self-deprecation in the artistic world,” you mused. “I am proud of this piece, so why would I not compliment it? I already have enough men trying to scorn me each day—I see no reason to contribute to the fire with my own words.”  
“And there is no reason for you to!” Benedict exclaimed. “Miss Tilbury, you’ve a way with a brush that very few do—at least with what I’ve seen. I— I consider it an honor to even be standing in your presence, if I am honest. Have you any other works I can see?” 
You smiled. “I do, but none of them are available in a manner such as this. I hope to display more soon.” 
“As do I,” Benedict said, nodding rapidly. “Mayfair should consider itself lucky to be graced by such fine artistry.” 
“And I consider myself lucky to get compliments from a man such as yourself.” Your smile turned slightly coy. “I could offer you some tips, of course. Since you were such a fan of my artwork.” 
Benedict could only stare at you for a moment. He did not know whether your words held more or not, but he realized he was alright with either—or both, if he found himself lucky enough. 
“I would love to, Miss Tilbury.” 
“I see no need for formalities.” You said your first name, your eyes sparkling. “We are twin flames, after all. Yes?” 
Benedict’s throat bobbed, but he could not help his grin. “Yes.” 
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mbbmz ¡ 4 months ago
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HEY IM BACKK🤭 Wakasa has been on my mind the past days (he deadass appeared in my dream💀) So I got a request where Wakasa is friends with reader and secretly likes her but hides it really well. So when the 1st gen bd drink together and Waka gets drunk he won't get off her, hugging her n stuff and it eventually leads to a sleepy confession from him ykk🤭 The others all tease him the next day for it😭 (sry if this is kinda long)
Omgg hi again! I’m so glad you decided to request again (I love Wakasa)
Your requests are always interesting ml heheheheh, even though I’m not really proud of this one, I still hope you’ll enjoy it (and sorry for the wait)
No warnings, alcohol consumption (a bit too much in this instance) fluff and crack
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Every time you changed something about your appearance, no matter how small it was, no matter how many of your friends didn’t notice, Wakasa always did. Might be the slightest change in your hair or makeup, you’d always receive a "It suits you well" or "That’s a nice change". He would always carry that bored expression as he says it, as if he didn’t really care. But how would he notice such small details if he didn’t?
Of course he cared. He was your best friend after all. You called him that, others called you that, he called himself that. Even if those words left a bitter taste in his mouth. Yet he’d never act on it. He was content with what he had, content with the proximity you two shared. Even though he wanted more, he swallowed back all his feelings. Because Wakasa, as much as he didn’t like to admit it, was scared to lose you. So he swallowed back the lingering touches he wanted to give you, any comments that could appear as "too much", for the sake of your friendship. One he would continue to cherish, even if that meant settling for less than he wanted.
- "Come on, just one drink!"
You rolled your eyes. Currently, you were downplaying the invitation of your friend, really insistent to get you to drink with the small group tonight.
- "Dont insist, Omi… I have work tomorrow…"
It was Takeomi’s turn to roll his eyes.
- "Just live a little… beside…"
A small smirk appeared on his face. You were almost, almost curious as to what he was about to say.
- "I don’t believe you’ve ever seen Waka getting drunk…"
Your annoyed rambling about work stopped for a second. He was right, your best friend, the one you’ve known since so long… Have never been drunk in front of you. And you couldn’t deny that the thought made you curious. What kind of drunk was he? Emotional drunk? Tired drunk?.. Yeah, definitely that…
After a few seconds of thinking, you sighed, you couldn’t deny one drink sounded nice.
- "One drink…" You finally indulged, watching his smirk widen
- "You won’t regret it… it’s actually pretty fun to watch…"
On those words, you started walking toward the bar you often went at, where the others were probably already waiting.
And when Takeomi told you it would be fun to watch, you didn’t expect that. And based on his expression, he didn’t either.
You were trying to drink in your now half empty glass, but you found it difficult to do so, as a pair of strong arms were wrapped around your figure.
- "I’ve… never seen him like this before…" Stated Shinichiro, sitting across of you. In his eyes was a mixture of confusion and curiosity.
At this point, all the eyes around the table were on you, more precisely on the man clutching at your side. Wakasa Imaushi, the White Leopard, Black dragons founding member and first generation Special attack Unit captain, THE living legend… Clinging to you like a lost child.
- "N-No one- hic -can touch her… ‘xcept me…" He mumbled, eyes closed and face red from all the shots he had.
You were torn. You’ve never seen him like that, with you or with anyone. And your best friend being so clingy, so… touchy… felt weird. But at the same time… it wasn’t a bad kind of weird.
- Waka… I think I’ll drive you home…
As you muttered those words, you felt his grip tightening. Goddamnit was he strong. You winced slightly, trying to get him off, to no avail.
- "Can someone… Help me out here?.." you asked, a bit annoyed at the lack of reaction from your friends
The three guys exchanged looks, before looking back at you.
- "I mean… you heard him." Started Takeomi, a sly grin on his face
- "No one can touch you except him!" Finished Keizo, raising his hands to support his words
You rolled your eyes, hearing the three of them laughing like degenerates. Unbelievable.
You had to find something though. You wanted to go home, too. Yet it was proven difficult with the bag of muscles holding you tightly.
You sighed, looking at his slumped form, trying to find something to get him off.
- "… Hey Waka… Let’s go home, mhm?.." You tried to bargain, with seemingly no success.
- "N-Nah… M’staying… with you…" He mumbled, his speech almost incomprehensible.
You sighed sighed again. You definitely wanted to go home, getting a bit tired yourself.
- "… Wanna sleep at my place?.." You asked, as all eyes on the table landed on you, even his. You felt a need to denfend yourself to your peers.
- "N-Not like that! I’m not that kind of person!" You tried to defend yourself
- "That’s really inappropriate. I wouldn’t have taken you for the type…" Teased the black haired mechanic, a cigarette dangling from his lips.
- "Mhmm��� Take me home, love…"
Your eyes widened, as everyone else’s. You looked down at your lap, eyes landing on a very sleepy Waka, nuzzling your thigh.
- "… Yeah, I’ll take him home… He’s… not in his right mind…" You muttered, trying to calm the emotions he provoked by calling you that.
- "Heh, you know what they say… A drunk man’s words is a sober man’s thoughts!"
You glared at Takeomi, who was laughing his ass off with your other friends. They wouldn’t let that die down easily…
You called a cab, trying to walk with a grown ass man clutched at your hip. Quite a humorous sight, really.
The drive wasn’t long thankfully, and you managed to drag the drunk man in your bed. You were too tired to do anything else, crashing on the mattress next to his unconscious form. You were about to fall asleep, when his voice caught your attention.
-" ‘Meant it, y’know… I don’t… wanna be your friend… wanna be more…"
You listened to his drunken confession, your own eyes fighting to stay open and focused on his relaxed face.
- "Wanna… hold you and… do shit couples do, I dunno…"
A small silence followed his words, lingering in the air. You looked at him one last time, before your eyes closed on their own.
- "G’night, Waka…"
The only answer you received was the sound of his slow breathing and light snores. You would deal with that tomorrow…
- "Hey, "love"! Mind grabbing me a beer?" Teased a certain black haired man, as your now boyfriend was glaring at him, fighting the urge to smash his head on the coffee table.
- "Takeomi I swear to god…" He warned, pinching the bridge of his nose as you let out a small chuckle.
He could now hold you, kiss you, and do plenty of other shit couples do.
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