#this topic should be discussed openly and honestly

[thixcy]

This is not for everybody but for moms who are honest with themselves. This shit ain’t for the WEAK 💪🏾💚

Source: kitarose_ via instagram

[sleepyparalysisdmon]

SVT with a bipolar partner

Requested? No!

Genre: comfort, some unavoidable angst, suggestive (MDNI)

Sensitive Topics Ahead!

TW/CW: discussions of struggling with and managing bipolar symptoms, up to and including things like self-harm (though this is not explicitly discussed). One suggestive section. 

A/N: This one is also entirely self-indulgent because I’m feeling some type of way right now.

If this topic might be triggering for you, please proceed with caution or skip. If you’re struggling (not just with bipolar, but with anything), I encourage you to reach out for help. Could be a friend, a family member, a coworker or classmate, or a professional. Things like this should not be shameful!! Be kind to yourself, love you. 

Seungcheol

You desperately want to buy an item and Seungcheol knows it. So he casually hands you his credit card (he’ll never be able to stop the sugar daddy allegations, I fear). He’s kind of surprised by how vehemently you deny it. ‘No way, I don’t want to waste your money,’ you’ll say and he’ll roll his eyes. “Baby, I have more than enough, I’ll buy you whatever you want.” The relationship is still somewhat new, so he’s confused when you deny it again, saying you absolutely can’t take his card because you’ll be reckless with it. Does not understand what the problem is with that, honestly, but when you eventually tell him about your diagnosis and particularly how mania works, he’ll pause, if only because of how upset you seem by the topic. It’s fine. If you spending the money is the problem, he’ll spend it for you and he won’t let you feel guilty about it for a single second. 

Jeonghan

Now, I believe Hannie can be a bit of a fashionista. He likes your style. In fact, it was something that attracted him to you in the beginning because it was unique and unapologetic. So when you’re getting ready for a date, he’s confused when you don’t put on the things that you usually do, opting for a baggy sweater and leggings. “Feeling okay?” He’ll ask. “You’re cute as always, but this isn’t your normal look.” You’ll openly tell him that you feel less confident during a depressive episode because the two of you simply do not have secrets, so this is what you want to go with today. You get out of the way, letting him get ready, and you’re kind of surprised when he comes out in equally baggy clothes. He’ll absolutely match your energy, no matter what that means. 

Joshua

He raises an eyebrow when he comes home to find you scrubbing the walls down. “A little spring cleaning?” He’ll ask, but it becomes apparent that it’s not anything ‘little’. The house is absolutely sparkling like you just moved in. This isn’t a problem by any means, but it’s kind of suspicious because you low key hate cleaning and he happily carries the burden of these types of things on a normal day. Still, he knows what’s happening and there’s nothing he can do to stop the manic episode. He’ll just have to let you ride it out. But it won’t stop him from changing clothes and asking what’s next on your list so he can help. 

Jun

Knows he can’t do a whole lot about the typical mood swings that you have periodically, but when you tell him that some of these mood swings are not totally random and can actually be triggered, he becomes the most observant person you’ve ever met. Keeps a little list in his notes app of things that you’ve mentioned before and the things that he’s simply observed that switch your mood. He tries to help you manage your stress at work to prevent a depressive episode and encourages you to limit your caffeine intake to prevent mania. He intentionally stops buying alcohol and keeping it in the house because it’s not a good combination with your medications. He buys you a light for light therapy during the winter when the seasonal depression kicks in. He helps you find a nighttime routine that works for you so sleep disturbances aren’t so prominent. Really is the sweetest and most thoughtful.

Hoshi

Man, thinking about this one makes me emotional. Say the relationship is new, but it’s been so, so good. You match his energy so well and he really feels like you get him, you know? So he’s kind of surprised when his calls and texts go unanswered for a while. After a few days, he finally goes to your apartment, flowers, coffee, and a bag of pastries in hand just in case he did something wrong. Your roommate answers the door and points to your bedroom with an ominous warning. You look like you haven’t moved from the bed in a few days. Your clothes and sheets are wrinkled, laundry is overflowing from the hamper, and dishes are piled up on your bedside table. You come right out and tell him about your diagnosis and that you’ve been in a depressive episode, and that you’d understand if he wants to break up. He simply crawls into bed with you because it’s his turn to get you. 

Wonwoo

Listen, I genuinely believe that you can tell him anything. Quite literally anything, including when you’re having some bad thoughts. He gives you an intentionally blank look when you ask him to remove the razors from the bathroom, but immediately does it. He doesn’t ask questions when he comes back, just hugging you tight and thanking you for telling him. Trust that he’ll watch you like a hawk over the next few days, doing soft, yet somehow non-invasive check-ins. A week later when that particular feeling passes and you ask for the razors again to shave, he does ask a few questions, just to make sure you’re in a good headspace. It makes you feel secure that you have someone right there that will help you if you have to cry for help.

Woozi

He’s pretty independent and so are you, but after you tell him about your diagnosis and the medications you’re on, he becomes a bit clingy. Let me explain. Before, you could go hours, maybe even days without really hearing from him when he got busy. No big deal, you knew that was just part of it. Now, no matter what he’s doing at work or whatever timezone he might be in, he’s calling you before you go to bed to make sure you’ve taken your medication. He’ll, of course, be there to talk if you want, but you usually don’t and that’s thanks to how much the medication is doing for you. He will never, ever let you miss a day. 

DK

You know you’re in a manic episode, which is why you jumped at the chance to go out with Seokmin and a few of his members for dinner. You’re feeling good, talking rapidly and animatedly about something and Seungkwan laughs, saying something along the lines of, “Okay, motor mouth.” It kind of makes you deflate. Not that he meant anything by it, not that he knew about your diagnosis or that you were in a manic episode. Still, Seokmin is next to you, encouraging you to continue talking because he was following, no problem. He’ll always be a motor mouth with you. Even if your mood doesn’t come back as high as it was before, it’s still comforting that he’ll listen to you ramble about whatever comes to mind, even if it’s sometimes a stream of consciousness more than anything specific. 

Mingyu

It’s not like sex is uncommon in your relationship, but after you initiate multiple rounds in one night, Mingyu will sort of laugh and ask what’s gotten into you. When you stop and kind of tear up, he realizes he might have said something wrong and he’s holding onto you immediately. You tell him you’re kind of upset because you didn’t realize that you were manic until he said that. Increased libido is a common symptom for you and now you’re feeling bad for maybe pressuring him into it. He’ll squish your face and insist that you absolutely did not and he has no complaints. You can always come to him for this, or for anything for that matter. 

Minghao

Now, I think he might be a bit of a believer in home remedies for a lot of things, but not for this. Does not let you miss a counseling or psychiatrist appointment. Does not let you forget your medication. Knows by heart everything you’re taking, including the dosage. He even gets a little organizer and sorts it out for you every week. Insists that you stick to a routine and practice self-care when you’re in a manic episode and makes sure you eat, sleep, and find things to enjoy during a depressive episode. Really, genuinely might understand your disorder and what you need for it better than you do. 

Seungkwan

He knows you’ve been down and that’s just the nature of the disorder sometimes. He does little things to help you manage it - chores are taken care of, dinner is already started, medication is already picked up from the pharmacy, etc. But when you admit late at night that you don’t know why he’s with you and you feel worthless, he doesn’t have a little reaction. It makes you cry despite how numb you were feeling earlier when he squishes your face with a bit more aggression than he probably intended and in great detail tells you how much he loves you and what he loves about you and why no one else will ever compare. It’s what you needed to hear, and he makes a mental note to be more vocal about these things, particularly when you’re down. 

Vernon

You two are relaxing at home when you ask him if he can hear that sound. He’ll say no, feeling kind of clueless. You’ll frown and ask, “Are you sure? It’s so loud.” Your insistence makes him pause. “Tell me about it,” he’ll say. You’ll describe it in great detail, convincing him that you do in fact believe you’re hearing something. Will not let you feel bad about the fact that he doesn’t hear it and that it must be an auditory hallucination. He’s offering you his noise cancelling headphones to blast some music and drown out the sound until it goes away. 

Chan

You’re usually pretty easy going and agreeable. But Chan knows something is up because you’ve been picking fights left and right all day. First it was that he left a mug on the side of the sink instead of in the sink or inside the dishwasher. Okay, easy to fix next time, he thinks. Then it’s that he’s going out for lunch with a couple of his members, even though he told you yesterday, which leaves him confused. Then it’s that he didn’t appear to be listening to you when you talked at dinner. He was absolutely listening, but the way you huff angrily at him makes him approach, holding your face and asking what’s going on with you today. He won’t let you escalate this into a fight, and eventually you deflate, tearing up. You admit you’ve just been feeling restless, both physically and emotionally, and that you don’t think this new medication is doing much. He cuddles with you the rest of the night, shushing you when you say you don’t deserve it after picking fights all day, and encourages you to make an appointment to talk about your medication.

[pansyfemme]

just a heads up that enmeshment with your therapist is a sign that you need a different therapist. you go to these people to offload and heal, but if you're emotionally enmeshed and that's keeping you from bringing topics forward, that is no longer a healthy relationship nor a therapist that should be treating you.

just so you're aware. your therapist should not be an uncle figure you're afraid to talk about embarrassing stuff with, he's an impartial audience to help you heal. that emotional connection is now HINDERING you from healing.

honestly! me making one personal post! does not tell you the full story! while i defintly have an emotional connection with him- i have had other therapists in my life in and out the entire time. i seek help from other sources frequently! i said it was like talking to an uncle simply because of the fact he’s known me since i was a child, which makes talking about adult topics at times a little embarrasing because he knew me when i was 11!! he is not like an uncle to me in an other respect, i have a seperation. and i have openly discussed this with him and why im uncomfortable at times!! but we talk it out!! because its my therapist and me making one post doesnt mean you know everything!! geez!! also ive been embarrassed to talk about sex with every other therapist ive had!! not your call to make!!

[dabiekql]

HQ Atsumu - Fake Drinking Habits (Fluff)

-----

I see Atsumu as someone who will pretend to be drunk and have drinking habits just so he can shower y/n with affection even if they were not in a relationship. So imagine Atsumu hugging her tightly or leaving kisses all over her face. He was certain that y/n will let him be, so he took the risk when they drank together.

Just as he imagined, y/n lets him be, being a dense person she is, so he was able to continue to act in front of her without gaining any suspicions. As he acted out his desires, Atsumu thought about how adorable y/n was, but deep down, he was worried since that means she might react the same way with other guys.

However, his secret was not kept for long. The day y/n finds out about Atsumu's act was the day she bumps into Osamu. "Osamu-kun."

Osamu turned around at the sound of his name and waved at the sight of her. "What are you doing here?"

"Just taking a walk."

"I'm on my way to my restaurant, want to join?"

Y/n nodded and followed after him to his restaurant.

As they were having a conversation, y/n suddenly remembered about Atsumu's drinking habits and decided to ask Osamu about it. "Osamu-kun, how do you deal with Miya-kun's drinking habits? I honestly can't see you letting him be like that with you. Or maybe you have the same drinking habits? Do twins share those habits, too?"

Osamu looked confused at her words. "What drinking habits? He doesn't have any. In fact, he doesn't even get drunk."

"Huh? But with me, he..."

Osamu shook his head. "He probs lied to you. I can already tell that he did that to flirt with you openly. How dense are you to believe in those obvious lies?"

Y/n rubs the back of her neck sheepishly.

So the next time y/n drink with Atsumu, she mentioned about his drinking habits. "I heard you were a good drinker and that you don't get drunk."

Atsumu panicked at her words. "What?! Who said that?!"

"Osamu-kun did."

Atsumu was about to yell in anger to hear it was from his twin, but he came to a halt at realization. "What did you just say?"

"Huh? I said Osamu-kun told me about it."

"Osamu?" Y/n nodded which caused Atsumu to be mad at a different reason. "Why are you calling me Miya then?!"

"Cause that's your name?" Y/n looked genuinely confused at his outburst.

Atsumu ruffled his hair roughly. "Why am I Miya while he is Osamu?!"

"Well, it will be confusing for you two if I call you both Miya."

"Then you should call me Atsumu then!" Atsumu whined that y/n called him by his name which put him in a good mood. As he grinned, he went back to the topic they were discussing previously. "What were you saying a while ago again? What about Samu?"

"Osamu-kun told me that you did not have any drinking habits and don't even get drunk in the first place."

That's when he remembered their conversation and once again panicked. "Y/n... y-you see..."

"Do you like me, Atsumu-kun?"

Since y/n was a dense person, Atsumu was shocked to hear her words, but he decided to take this opportunity. "I like you. A lot."

"I like you, too." Y/n smiled at him that caused him to blush hard.

As he was trying to recover from the stun, y/n wrapped her hands gently on to his face and pulled him to a soft kiss. This caused Atsumu's blush to deepen even further, but he soon placed his one hand on her back and the other towards her neck to deepen their kiss.

[joannestorm]

Honestly... I'm a little worried for the fall out from the 911 bi!Buck storyline. We've seen in the past few years how some "fans" treat actors who play queer characters when the actors themselves are not openly queer. The people who declare loudly that only gay men should play gay characters. The push for actors to admit that they are gay or bi or pan or whatever they identify as. It is unfair. It hurts the actors and it hurts the fandom.

Seriously, don't do it.

Oliver Stark's JOB is to convince us all that he is an American firefighter who makes amazing rescues every week and who is exploring his sexuality. Oliver Stark's sexuality is not a topic of discussion unless HE chooses otherwise.

I should make note that I have not seen anyone bring it up yet. But I just know it's coming.

[winged-cries]

Hello. I’m a woman of color (Black American) who writes and reads dark fiction. I’m in my mid twenties but all my life I’ve been interested in the macabre and grotesque. Since I was a little girl. But lately I’ve been in this mindset of shame and guilt. Maybe because I know that it’s not normal to want to read or write about those things. I feel embarrassed any time someone asks what I’m reading or writing. I guess what I’m trying to get at is…how do I let these feelings go? I know I’m not harming anyone and it’s just fiction but people can be so judgmental and cruel. Sorry if this is a lot but this has been weighing on me. Thanks and I love your blog.

i'm so sorry that you're going through this, no one should be made to feel shame over something so harmless. which is what you should consider -- what harm are you causing?

it's actually very normal to want to read and write about pretty much anything. i'm not sure what "dark fiction" means for you, but there's no topic that i would ever consider harmful in itself. it's one of the issues i have with this term actually; it's very vague and everyone has different ideas of what would be considered "dark". a lot of people watch violent movies that depict murder but few people would consider them "dark fiction". there are ways of depicting violence that are socially acceptable, but it's not necessarily because they're less harmful than others.

i do think fiction can cause harm in the sense that art both reflects and impacts society, but this is a very nuanced and complex topic, and i absolutely do not believe that there's anything one can't write or read about. i'm sure you agree with me on this though, but still can't help feeling shame and guilt. i used to feel guilty too and i'm not sure how i overcame that. i guess by having this discussion with myself and with others, and by talking openly about my interests (at least online). i remember being a kid and looking up "movies about rape" and "movies with extreme rape scenes". it's pretty disturbing to think about a child doing that but i can honestly say all it ever did was help me.

of course one might be interested in a number of violent or othewise controversial themes without having had any kind of personal experience related to them. it's simply a personal interest and there's nothing wrong with that either. some people like romantic comedies, some prefer rape & revenge. i don't think either of these people are doing any kind of harm, even though i can be critical of both genres (and enjoy them too).

the macabre and the grotesque are part of the human experience. "dark" themes are as much part of life as any other. it's fine to be interested and it's fine to write and read about whatever interests you. my only advice is to respect your own limits, and always be critical of everything you consume, whether or not it's considered "dark", morbid or deviant.

i unfortunately don't have any other advice. i wish i could help you get rid of this shame, but i think it's something only you can do. it's a processs, and it involves self-knowledge and open discussions. i hope you'll get there, as i have, and feel comfortable with your interests and your choices.

like i said before, there is a larger discussion to be had about how fiction impacts us individually and as a society, but i don't think that's relevant here, as it applies to "ligther" themes as much as to whatever is considered "dark", morbid or grotesque.

[iwtvdramacd18]

The discussions surrounding gender coding and performance and assigned/chosen roles are frustrating because there is so much to be said about a show that is explicitly criticizing its source text not only through the very centering of blackness in a narrative originally given to a white plantation owner (who openly hates blackness himself!) and his white relationships (familial etc.) but also taking the genre to task and interrogating who gets to be an object of desire in gothic romance. And because people choose to ignore the various amounts of coding within the show, and align themselves with racist ideals of how a black man should be looked at and treated and written within a romance, simplifying any remotely feminine coding as degrading or detrimental (completely ignoring the much more dangerous and limiting and prevalent hyper masculinization running rampant) as a trans person it's even more frustrating because if we cannot conceive of a cis black man having room to exist within literary roles usually reserved for women, what does that mean regarding any trans reading of that character? It honestly feels like a very abrasive space to open up any dialogue regarding viewing/ exploring Louis through any trans lens; I will specify that personally I do so through a transmasc lens but that does not negate any other trans reading of Louis. But the fact that so many people take Louis' ADMITTED performance of a specific form of masculinity pre-vampirism at face value makes it seem like we can barely broach the topics of what it means for a character to be pressured and give into that pressure to perform toxic and harmful masculinity as a trans masculine person, whether for personal gender affirmation or safety, at the explicit detriment and harm of others (his pimp job). Or a reading of Louis where the only reason he became a "favored son" was because of Paul's inability to hold a form of masculinity due to his mental state-- because society has no space or support for an eldest son/ head of a household that experiences any level of psychosis. And that's not even getting into living within the twisted nuclear family unit that's the Lioncourt Rue Royale household: what does it mean to be a trans man and finding yourself wanting a child of your own? To find comfort in some traditionally feminine/wife things and pain in others? And what about Louis in Dubai now?

but if we're in a space where we can't even give a cis black man space for such gender role/presentation analysis because folks are operating under false pretenses of the very notion of femininity equalling womanhood, and specifically a demeaning and degrading form of womanhood, how the fuck are any trans discussions supposed to occur?

[system-of-a-feather]

Gonna share the Feathers Ramble from my Friend Group Chat; @hiiragi7 was just commenting on how a line from this post was a really good line, and so I just kinda rambled expanding on it and I felt it was worth sharing here as well

"no one other person will be able to give you "the pass" to use a label that will absolve you of the responsibility to be able to understand the history and weight of the term"

Now that Im off work like, its just honestly something that I find to be a lot of the issue within a lot of discourse spaces is that people are looking for people to answer what is and is not okay, asking for what the rules that they should follow is / are and who is better or worse, more right or more wrong

When really people should be looking for understanding of the purposes behind those discourse topics and the individual stances and the principles that underlie them more than the "should I or should I not" and "is it good or bad for me to do this"

Cause like there are VERY VERY few topics that have a clear cut "correct vs incorrect" way of doing things

Like even if you get to things that seem obvious like the n-word and who can or can't say that, generalizing those rules do tend to work for the majority of the population, but when you get to the really specific fine grains in the rules and the PRACTICAL application of them in non-online spaces, even things like that can get fuzzy and a lot more complicated than "you are racist if this and not if that"

Because with the n-word, you still have to think about the diversity of the "black" populus and how individuals may or may present / look "not black" to someone doing a cursory glance such as those from afro-latine backgrounds. And then there is also the complexity of navigating and respecting inner city and gang based experiences while ALSO, you know, not promoting harmful and racist language and the practical complications that come with that.

(Disclaimer: I don't know too much of the in depth about this topic to really have a stance on the nuances. It's a topic that has recently been brought up that I sometimes reflect on and think about since there were aspects more complicated than I ever considered that were presented to me. Since I don't know much I defer to "play on the safe side of what people with more insight and direct experience with this topic say" and "I am never going to say it and I don't plan to look the other way in any obvious situation where its inappropriate", but I acknowledge that there is probably a depth to it where it gets complex, and honestly, I'm not comfortable having a strong opinion beyond the general rule of thumb.)

And in the end, the only rule I think you can really say is for really any word, label, language, etc is that you can use whatever word you can reasonably find yourself comfortable with saying bearing in mind the history, weight, and impact that the word, label, etc has on individuals and your role in it (which isn't always inherently "you are making it worse" because you might not be, if you are a transwoman using transfemme that's just being part of the typical group)

In the end of the day, use words you feel are justified in using and accept the consequences - good or bad - of the decisions made; thus its important, in order to keep the consequences neutral or positive, to be able to be comfortable and confident in being able to explain your reasoning for using the term, language, label, etc

You gotta know what your role in using the term / language / label is, and to make sure your role and how you handle the term / language / label is in line with your moral compass on what you feel right in doing and that you are doing your due diligence to minimize any impacts you think would be bad to your own moral compass

It's largely why I think people who genuinely acknowledge, openly discuss, and are forth coming about the term "tulpa" in tulpamancy spaces are more than welcome to use it

There is a debate whether or not it is appropriate for someone in the modern tulpamancy community to use the term "tulpa" and thats always going to be an ambiguous debate; but if you are acknowledging the racist and appropriative roots and are actively doing your part to encourage discussion and acknowledgement of the damages done, then you are honestly doing more to repair the damage and bring awareness to the historical issue in order to better the future and you are likely doing so with more respect than most people offer

Thus its not so much a "these people can say this and these people can't" as much as it is "people who understand the weight and history of the term and align their behavior and impact onto that to do minimal harm (and ideally help) can use it if they feel there is a positive way"

You can't and shouldn't make anyone do or not do things by waving value labels around because in the end those things aren't something objective whether or not we like them and they become less and less objective and clear cut the more specific and nuanced in the situation you get

The only real thing you can ask is for people to really understand the ACTUAL background and depth to the words and things they say and do and let them make their own decisions on how their behavior interacts with their role in the history and impact of it all and if they can, in a right mind, say what they are doing is good / justified

And whatever judgement they make with that calculation is really just something they themselves can make. If people think something that is harmful is "good / justified" then they will inevitably get naturalistic results and consequences that they have to own up to. If people think it isn't, then simply they don't have to do that thing

But ya know, that's just a Feathers Ramble of the day

At the end of the day, we all just want to be able to go to sleep with a clear head and what people decide to say and do and the amount of diligence they want to put into covering their bases is a decision each and every individual must make on their own

[newtthetranswriter]

A Trail of Notes

Art: Drawn by me.

Paring: Denki Kaminari x Transmasc! Nonbinary! Reader

Word Count: 6461

Summary: As Y/n’s best friend and crush’s birthday approaches, their classmates encourage them to confess to the blonde boy. After deciding secret notes hidden around would be best, the wait and mystery caused tensions to spike and mistakes to be made. Will it end in Y/n’s favor?

Warnings: Talk of needles and shots as reader is on Testosterone, misunderstandings, Sero is a dick in this, implied internalized transphobia (on reader’s part), I think that’s it but let me know if I missed anything

A/n: Starting off with a responding Happy Birthday to my favorite phone charger Denki Kaminari. Anyways this was very self indulgent as one there are not enough Denki fics out there, and there are not enough truly transmasc/nonbinary reader fics. That being said, a lot of the things mentioned about T-shots and feelings about oneself are things from my own experience and therefore may not line up with every trans person’s experience.  Anywho, I hope you enjoy and as always remember to hydrate or diedrate.

   “Come on Y/n, I understand that you’re nervous and don’t want to risk your friendship with him, but if Kaminari is dumb enough to end a life long friendship over some feelings, that’s on him.” Of course it was Minatrying to reason that if admitting my feelings cost us our friendship it was Denki’s fault.

   I sighed leaning back against the frame of her bed. “It’s not that I think he would end the friendship over it. I know he wouldn’t do that. It’s the fact that it would be awkward as hell, plus I know I have zero chance so what's the point in trying?” I explained. 

   I could hear the collective sigh of everyone in the room. The next person to speak up on the topic was Momo “It may look like you have zero chance but have you ever talked to him about his romantic interests or are you just assuming because all you’ve seen him openly show interest in is women?” Of course she would be the voice of reason for this discussion.

  I shook my head no, but before I could argue further, Jiro decided to also give her opinion. “Yamomo and Mina both make valid points. If you haven’t talked about his preferences you can’t assume that you have no chance. And if you do try and things become awkward or you stop being friends, it’s on him. A good friend would hear you out and talk out how things should move forward.” 

  Looking at my three friends I couldn’t help but sigh in defeat. “Why do I ever think you guys will agree with me on this?” I asked with a slight laugh. “I understand what you guys are saying up here,” I said pointing to my head, “but in here I’m terrified of losing the one person who has always been there for me.” I finished pointing at my heart. 

  The comment earned looks of sympathy from the girls of Class A. “Honestly it would be better for you to just tell him so you can get the weight off your chest. And in the worst case scenario we will all be here for you.” Mina offered. There was a pause before she spoke again. “Why not tell him on his birthday?” She suggested now moving from trying to convince me to confess, to brainstorming ideas on how I should confess.

   “What if you like leave a series of notes giving hints to who you are and on his birthday give him the final one confessing who you are?” Hagakure said, her voice as bubbly as always. “It’d be like a little game and you could gauge his reaction to each note and if he figures it out early maybe he’ll confess first.” She rambled on.

   The rest of us couldn’t help but laugh at her giddiness, if we hadn’t been just talking about me you could almost assume she was planning to confess to her own crush. “I mean that could work but how would I get the notes to him. If I’m not gossiping with you guys, I’m hanging out with him. It’s not like I'd have time to slip notes into his bag or locker without him noticing.” I pondered.

   Everyone took a moment to think of a plan. “Hey why don’t you write all the notes and then you can give some to each of us and we can distribute them.” Jiro suggested.

   “Yes we can be like your wing women, placing the notes in places only he can find and with you being his best friend he’ll probably tell you about the notes so you can hear his reactions without him having a clue that you know about it. And then you can give him the final note on his birthday and it’ll be perfect.” It was Mina’s turn to show her excitement over me finally agreeing to admit my feelings to the class's resident phone charger.

   I couldn’t help but smile at my friends and their support. “Thank you guys, I know dealing with me and my self doubt has been a lot. But yeah I like the idea of giving you guys the notes to hide but I’m not getting my hopes up about the outcome. This is just to get it off my chest and if he accepts, great if not, I’ll just have to move on and make one of you help me with my t-shots each week.” I tried to play off my nerves with a slight laugh, before deciding it was time to change topic. “Now enough about me, why don’t we focus back on the real reason we are all crammed in this tiny room and watch some movies.” There was a collective cheer of agreement and with that our night commenced.

   The next day I managed to get a small window of time after classes and training to write my notes. They were simple and didn’t hold enough information to give away who I was right away. The first couple were just stating small things that he does around everyone that I found endearing. In the next ones they were a little more specific and detailed little things he only really did around our friend group. Those were the ones I planned to give the girls to hide, the final note which was being saved for his birthday party at the end of the month, was longer. I wrote out a series of events that led to me figuring out my feelings for him and signed it. With all of the notes ready I put them in my bag and left to give them to Mina to distribute and hide.

  Opening the door to my dorm I did not expect to see Denki standing there ready to knock. “Oh, Denki what’s up?” I asked, moving the bag of love notes out of his line of sight as if he could see through the contents.

  “Well it’s Wednesday so I was going to remind you that it’s shot day.” He explained. “I also would be interested in watching a movie afterwards?” Denki asked with his signature smile.

  I had to fight the urge to just hand him the bag of notes right there. One of the many things I loved about him was his acceptance of who I am and his help with things like reminding me about my T-shot every week. “Thank you for the reminder, and you know I'm always down for movies after my shot. Just let me take this to Mina real quick and then we can get started.” I said moving past him.

   Of course, me mentioning needing to take something to Mina piqued his interest. “Ooo what are you taking to Mina, can I see it?” He asked, trying to grab the bag from my shoulder.

   Gently smacking his hand away I couldn’t help but laugh. “No you can not see it. And before you ask I will not be telling you what it is. Now go get everything ready, I’ll be back in a minute.”

  I watched as Denki sighed before moving into my room. “Fine, keep your secrets. But I will find out.” He said as he began grabbing everything needed for my shot and whatever movie was to follow.

   Letting out a laugh I shut my door, heading to Mina’s room. Reaching the Pink girls door, I knocked quickly. “Here are the things we talked about yesterday. Please don’t put them where just anyone can find them, and if you guys want to hide one or two in his room it’ll be empty for like the next two hours.” I informed getting ready to head back to my room.

  “Wait, how do you know his room will be empty for the next few hours?” She asked, wiggling her eyebrows at me.

   “First if what you’re implying was happening there would be no point in those. And second, it’s shot day and after we do my t-shot we always watch a movie in my room. Now if you don’t mind there is a wild pikachu in my room unattended and I would like for him to not find the final piece of that puzzle.” I explained pointing at the bag in Mina’s hands. She just chuckled and waved me off.

   It took three days for Denki to find the first note. And just like Mina predicted he told me right away that he found it.

   “Y/n you won’t believe what I found in my desk drawer.” He said plopping on the sofa next to me in the common room of Heights Alliance.

  “Was it your brain? I know you’ve been looking for it for a while.” I asked sarcastically, earning a playful shove from the blonde.

   “First rude. Second, no, I think it’s a love letter from a secret admirer.” He began to explain. “Whoever wrote it didn’t sign it but from what they said it’s clear they like me.” The fact that he wasn’t automatically assuming it was a girl gave me just a little bit of hope.

   Knowing that I needed to play along, I kept my face surprised that he would get such a thing. “Are you sure you didn’t write it yourself to brag to Minneta about someone having a crush on you?” I joked, this time earning a small zap from his quirk. “Kidding but what did they say?” I asked for two reasons, one I wanted to know which note he found and two hearing him say it could give away his feelings on it.

   “It says ‘One of your best qualities is how even if your quirk has a setback, you still push your limits to be the best hero you can be. Plus I think you look cute when you short circuit.’ It’s nice to know that someone appreciates me even if my quirk makes me stupid sometimes. They also called me cute so it's a win for me.” There was no denying that the smile on his face was brighter than when we found out we both got into U.A and by chance the same class.

   I got lost in thought admiring his smile, and it seemed he noticed because he zapped me again but this time by poking my nose. “Hey don’t shock my nose. Anyway, It is nice that someone appreciates you even when you’re in dunce mode.” I said poking him in the side. He just rolled his eyes at me. “Jokes aside, who do you think it could be?” I asked playing the game of clueless friend.

   This got him to smile again. “Well from this note there’s no clues as to who it could be, but clearly they have seen me short out. And they had to have had some way to get the note into my room?” He said, tilting his head in thought.

   “With that logic it could literally be anyone. You shorted out during the sports festival so anyone watching would have seen it. As for having access to your room, they could have asked anyone in our class to put it there. So in other words you have like zero leads.” I explained.

   He sighed leaning back against the couch. “You’re right. Damn, maybe they’ll leave me more with better hints as to who they are.” Denki pondered out loud. 

   Before I could ask any more questions, the rest of our class slowly started making their way into the common area. When Denki noticed Kirishima and Sero he jumped up and started bragging to them about his new secret admirer. Jiro, who had also just entered the room, saw the blonde's excitement and took the seat next to me.

   “So I take it he found one.” She whispered to me not wanting to draw any attention to us. I just responded with a small nod. “Well he seems happy about it, what did this one say?” She focused only on checking on me and not the chaos being caused by the slowly growing group of boys jealous over Denki’s note.

   “It’s about his quirk. It says that his admirer likes that even with the set back of it, the fact that he still tries his best to be a hero. It also said that they think he looks cute when he does short circuit.” I explained, talking as if I had I had no clue who wrote it, just in case someone who was unaware of the plan overheard.

  She just nodded. “That’s not a lot to go off of. Does he have any ideas on who it is?” She asked.

  I shock my head. “No, cause anyone who watched the sports festival would have seen him short circuit there, and anyone could have asked any of us to place the note for them.” I told her what I had explained to the blonde. “He did say he hopes that whoever it is leaves more notes for him, so at least it seems like he wants to know who left the note.” I said slightly quieter. 

   It was another two days before Denki brought up his secret admirer again. “I found a couple more notes. One was in my backpack and said ‘your smile is electrifying’, cheesy but shows they have a sense of humor. Then I found one in my locker that says ‘You’re one of the most accepting people I have ever met.’ While neither of these notes really give me any clues as to who they are, clearly I know them.” He explained sitting on the floor of my room, while I tried to do my homework.

  “Well at least you know they are kind if they think you are the most accepting person they have ever met. Too bad they're wrong you are a big bully.” I said clearly joking with him.

  I heard him scoff before he responded. “Fine, see if I help you with your T any more.” I could hear the playfulness in his threat. 

  I decided to play along. “Fine, I'll just have Eijiro help me. I’m sure head be happy to help and he’d actually make fun jokes while we watch movies after.” I said turning to stick my tongue out at the blonde.

  He uncrossed his arms looking at me slightly shocked. “That rock would not be helpful, plus who’s gonna charge your phone when you lose your charger?” Denki joked back. Letting out a laugh, I just nodded in agreement turning back to my homework. Not noticing the way he had begun inspecting the papers stacked on my desk.

  It was about a week before his birthday when the notes were mentioned again. This time we were at lunch with the rest of the Bakussquad, and it was Kirishima who brought them up. “Yo, Kaminari have you found any new love letters from your secret admirer?” He asked across the table.

  His question made everyone turn to look at Denki, well everyone but Mina who shot me a look before joining in on looking at the blonde. “Yeah, I found a couple more.” He said rubbing his hand against the back of his head. It almost seemed like he was suddenly nervous about the topic. 

  “Come on man, tell us what they said this time.” Sero pressed. It seemed that everyone was invested in the Kaminari secret admirer plot. “Have you narrowed it down to what girl likes you?” Sero continued.

  Hearing Sero’s question paired with Denki’s nervousness, caused my heart to deflate slightly. As I turned away from the conversation I made eye contact with Mina, and it was clear she also picked up on the awkwardness of the situation. I just shook my head slightly, looking at my food while still listening to the conversation. 

   “Well I don’t want to assume it's a girl leaving the notes. And also I think I’m going to keep the contents of the notes to myself for a bit while I figure it out.” Denki explained to our curious friends. His decision earned a chorus of groans from the surrounding guys.

   “Come on man, you’re telling me you don’t think some hot chick is leaving you cheesy little love notes? That’s every guy's dream and you’re saying ‘I don’t want to assume it’s a girl’. Who else would it be?” Sero pushed harder.

   “All I'm saying is it doesn't matter who’s leaving the notes. I want to give them a fair chance.” Denki’s words raised my hopes, if only slightly. But in all honesty it wasn’t a surprise he was willing to give his secret admirer a chance no matter who they are. After all I did say he’s the most accepting person I have ever met.

   Sero was about to offer up another rebuttal when Bakugo cut him off. “Dunce face said he doesn't care who’s leaving the notes and wants to give them a chance, so just accept it. Just because you’re jealous doesn’t mean you can push your hopes onto him. Now eat your damn food and leave it alone.” With that the conversation was dropped. I silently thanked Bakugo for unknowingly saving me from the torment of hearing Sero’s stupid arguments about how the admirer was clearly a girl.

   After lunch that day, no one really mentioned Denki’s secret admirer. The only people who really brought the topic up were the girls who had been in on the plan. They just asked me if he had said anything else about it or if he had figured it out. Unfortunately all I could tell them was that he was keeping any information about the notes to himself. While I respected his choice to keep it secret until he was ready to share about it, I was nervous that he figured it out and just didn’t want to tell me so as to not hurt my feelings.

   Mina and Hagakure had done their best to assure me that he was probably just trying to figure it out and if he did know it was me he was just trying to figure out how to tell me.

   Their words did very little to reassure me, so here I was sitting alone in my room four days before Denki’s birthday. It being Wednesday, I was waiting for Denki to show up to help me with my T-shot. For the last two years that I have been on T, he has always been there to help me with my shot. But as it approached 9 o’clock, a sickening feeling came over me. He always came by at 7 and we would do the shot before laying down and watching a random movie while making stupid jokes, but he was two hours late.

   I checked my phone hoping to see an apology text or explanation for him forgetting, but saw nothing. Sighing, I stood up going to head to the kitchen for a glass of water to calm my nerves before trying to figure out which of my friends I would be most comfortable with giving me a shot. Turning the corner to cross the living room I quickly spotted Denki joking with the rest of the Bakusquad, phone charger hanging from his mouth as he charged one of the students' phones. It seemed the only person who noticed I had entered the room was Mina who made eye contact with me. From the way her face morphed from a smile to a look of concern told me I wasn’t hiding my disappointment well.

   After the silent conversation with Mina using just our eyes she moved to meet me in the kitchen as I continued my journey to get some water. “Are you okay? You were looking at Kaminari like he already rejected you.” She asked quietly but still trying to lighten the mood.

   I sighed as I put my glass on the counter fighting back tears. “It's just for the last two years, every wednesday, without fail, Denki has helped me with my t-shot because he knows I can’t give myself the shot. And I waited for two hours hoping he was just running late but he’s down here laughing and being his usual dorky self. And even though I want to be mad at him for forgetting something that has happened consistently for two years, I can’t help but think our weekly tradition is keeping him from spending time with all his other friends.” By the time I finished talking, there was no hiding the tears.

   Mina quickly pulled me into a hug telling me to just breathe. “First, you need to breathe. Now why I know I’m not Kaminari but I’m willing to help you with your shot. So let’s just head up to your room and you can walk me through it and then we can talk about everything. Okay?” She asked, pulling away slightly.

   I whipped my eyes with the back of my hand and nodded. She quickly pulled me out of the kitchen and towards the elevators, ignoring the shouts of our friends asking where Mina was running off to and when did I get down stairs.

   Once we reached my room I sat on my bed and told Mina where all the things needed for my shot were, and how to give me the shot. It didn’t take long for her to figure it out and once she was done, she threw the used needles and syringe in the red sharps container on my desk before sitting on the end of my bed. “Now I know I said we would talk about everything, but I feel like what you need right now is to just lay down and watch a movie with yours truly and then tomorrow at lunch we can get Jiro, Yamomo and Hagakure and we can talk about the Kaminari situation. Okay?” She suggested grabbing my remote and getting the tv ready. I just nodded understanding that I should probably let my head clear up a bit before talking about what all has happened this last week.

   And just like she promised when lunch came around, Mina ushered me over to the table where the other three who knew of my crush on Denki were sitting. “So Y/n care to share with our lovely friends why we’ve gathered them here, and why a certain pikachu is currently looking at you like a crime was committed?” Mina asked as I sat down with my food.

   Once I registered her entire sentence I quickly looked over my shoulder and sure enough Denki was looking right at me. It was hard to read the look on his face but it was clear he was upset about something. Turning back to the group of girls sitting in front of me I sighed. “First I don’t know what his problem is. He has barely spoken to me since Monday. And as for why we’re sitting here and not with our other friends, I think Denki figured it out and is purposefully avoiding me.” I stated matter of factly, having thought about it all morning and decided that was the only reason he would have missed a weekly event that happened for two years.

   “He hasn’t spoken to you since Monday and you think he figured out you’re the one who wrote all the notes?”Jiro asked, still slightly confused by what’s happening at this moment. I just nodded thinking I was pretty clear with what I had said.

   Mina just sighed. “Y/n, I doubt he’s avoiding you. Plus you can’t just say that and not explain your reasoning.” She said looking at me before turning to look at Jiro. “What happened was last night Kaminari never showed up to help Y/n with their T-shot like he has been doing for the past two years. And when they went downstairs to get a drink of water, Kaminari was hanging out with all the usual suspects, myself included, like he hadn’t just messed up his and Y/n’s entire routine.” She explained to the confused girls sitting with us.

   Yamomo turned to me. “I’m sorry he did that. Were you able to get your shot taken care of without him?” She asked, I had told everyone that even though it’s not a big problem to skip a dose it was definitely something I didn’t want to risk.

   “Yeah, Mina helped me with it. I’m just hurt that he didn’t tell me wasn’t going to be helping me with it. Had he said he didn’t want to do it I would have been fine with it, but it’s like he completely forgot or just felt like telling me would cause problems. The missing my shot mixed with the not talking to me has me convinced that he figured it out. Why else would he be avoiding me, if he’s not trying to think of how to let me down easily?” I rambled, the more I thought about the possibility the more stressed I became. “What if I was right and confessing to him will just ruin our friendship and now that he figured out that I’m his secret admirer he wants absolutely nothing to do with me?” My anxiety was clear and the four girls sitting with me shared a look of concern.

   “If he wanted absolutely nothing to do with you, why is he still staring at the back of your head like he’s trying to get you to notice him without him saying anything?” Hagakure asked, before she continued. “I think it’s more likely that if he figured out that it’s you, he’s trying to figure out how to ask you out himself. As for forgetting about last night Bakugo did force him to short circuit during training pretty bad and he wasn’t back to normal until around 7:30 so he probably really did forget. Not that it’s an excuse but I’m sure he probably figured out he forgot and feels bad.” She reminded us of what happened the previous day in training.

   I nodded looking back to my food. “You have a point, but I’m not sure if I should go through with giving him the final note. I’ll just give him the normal present I was going to give him and forget all of this happened. I mean he’s probably expecting one of you guys to be behind the notes, not me.” I said feeding into the thoughts that had been eating at me since Sero’s comments at lunch on Monday.

   “That is the one of the dumbest things I’ve heard you say all day. First you can’t give up now, if he really is avoiding you for the reasons you think he is, the note won’t change that, and getting it off your chest will give you space to heal. Second, there is no way he suspects it’s any of us girls in the class. I was there when Sero was asking him about ‘what girl’ likes him, and we both heard Kaminari saying ‘ it doesn't matter who’s leaving the notes. I want to give them a fair chance.’. Not to mention every mention of the secret admirer he made before that he never once referred to them as a girl or a guy. He always uses they/them when the topic comes up, shooting down assumptions that whoever is writing them is a girl. All of that would lead me to believe that he at the very least couldn’t care less about the gender identity of his admirer.” Mina said, disproving all of the evidence I would try to use to argue otherwise. “Now please on Saturday when you hand over the present you got him, promise that the final note will be part of it.” She finished.

    I looked at her stunned, not having expected the reaction but knowing she would be truthful with me no matter what. If she really thought there was a chance Denki was avoiding me on purpose she would have said something. “Do you guys agree with Mina?” I asked the other three at the table. They all nodded in agreement, well Hagakure gave me a thumbs up but still they made it known they were on Mina’s side. “Okay fine I’ll give him the note on Saturday, but if he does reject me I expect a night of ice cream and anime.” I said, earning a chorus of approval from my friends.

   The next couple of days were pretty much the same as the rest of the week. Denki avoiding me, my worries trying to tell me to give up. And now all the girls in Class A are aware of the whole citation thanks to Mina having apparently accidentally ranted, while the girls were all getting ready for training after lunch on Thursday. It seemed like any time I was alone with any of them, they would try and cheer me up saying shit like he’s missing out if he rejects me and how he’s an idiot if he throws out a life long friendship over it. At this point I can’t wait for his birthday party so I can rip the bandaid off and either cry or smile and stop hearing their weird comments.

   Luckily I didn’t have to wait long for his party to start. Once Denki got back from visiting his family off campus, the party started. It was mostly just everyone relaxing in the common area, chatting and joking, with the added bonus of some random party games we came up with. Eventually we ate the cake that Sato had made, and gathered around Denki while he opened everyone's presents. I personally didn’t pay much attention to what everyone else got him, just focused on anxiously waiting for him to reach mine.

   After about five or six presents he grabbed the neatly wrapped present I had placed in the pile. When he read the name, I watched as his eyes went wide before he made eye contact and gave me one of his electrifying smiles. I couldn’t help but hold my breath as he opened the gift. As he carefully opened it, he froze for just a second before grabbing the folded piece of paper sitting on top of the gift and stuffing it in his pocket before returning to the larger piece of the present. Seeing him stuff the paper in his pocket, told me everything I needed to know; so before I could be faced with any further heartbreak, I whispered to Mina, who was sitting next to me, that I was going to my room. Before anyone could say anything I was out of the common area.

   Denki’s P.o.v

   After opening yet another great gift from my classmates, I reached down and grabbed a decent sized rectangular box that was perfectly wrapped. Reading the name carefully written across the top, I couldn’t hide the surprise on my face. I quickly made eye contact with Y/n across the room, offering them a wide smile before beginning to open the gift. As I unwrapped it, it became clear that it was a shoe box. Opening the top the first thing to catch my eye was the carefully folded piece of paper that perfectly matched the notes I had been finding in my things the past few weeks.

   Not wanting to read the contents in front of the whole class, knowing exactly what it meant, I put the paper in my pocket. Brushing off the joy of having my hopes confirmed, I turned my focus back to the larger part of the gift. Inside the box rested a pair of custom high top converse. The base color was black but had clearly hand embroidered yellow lighting bolts and Chargebolt across the side in white. After taking in the handcrafted detail I turned back to where Y/n had been sitting to thank them, only to see Mina sitting next to an empty space.

   “Where did Y/n go? I didn’t get a chance to thank them for these awesome shoes.” I asked, trying to hide my disappointment.

   Mina gave me a sad smile clearly knowing what I was feeling. “They went to their room, and I think that if you really care for them you should go talk to them.” Somehow that one sentence told me that if I didn’t go now, then I would probably lose my best friend.

   Without saying anything, I set the shoe to the side and raced towards the stairs deciding that taking the elevator would take far too long. Climbing the stairs taking two at a time I finally reached Y/n’s room. I didn’t even hesitate to knock.

    Y/n’s P.o.v

   I had only been in my room for about four minutes when I heard someone knocking at the door. “Go away Mina, I don’t want to talk about it right now.” I yelled from my bed burrowing further into the blankets. All I wanted to do was wallow in self pity and not face anyone until Monday.

   It was quiet for a moment before I heard the door open. Before I could even turn to yell at the intruder I heard the one voice I did not want to hear. “Well, I guess it’s a good thing I’m not Mina. Now would you please tell me what’s wrong.” Denki asked, sitting next to me on my bed.

   I was not expecting him to follow me. “Why are you here? Don’t you have a party to be at?” I asked, trying to cover the fact that I had been on the verge of tears moments ago.

   “I’m here because when I looked up to thank my best friend for the amazing shoes they got me, they were nowhere to be seen.” He said tilting his head to the side looking confused. “What’s wrong Y/n?”

    Wiping my eyes one last time I sat up and looked him in the eyes. “What’s wrong is I finally built the courage to tell the most important person in my life how much they mean to me and when he finally had my full confession in hand he just stuffed it in his pocket like it was the last thing he wanted to see. On top of that He’s been avoiding me all week, forgetting a weekly tradition that we’ve been doing for the last two years.” I told him not having the energy to lie, and evidently not having the energy to fight back the tears I had tried to wipe away.

   Denki remained silent for a moment processing and trying to figure out how to respond. When he didn’t answer soon enough I was about to tell him to leave when he cut me off. “I’m truly sorry I made you feel like I’ve been avoiding you, I was just scared. After finding the last couple notes talking about things only our classmates would know and I started to hope that it was you who wrote the notes. I think I was just scared to truly accept that you actually feel the same about me. As for putting the note from your present in my pocket, You are important to me and I wasn’t sure if you would want anyone else to know what is written here.” He explained placing the letter in between us on the bed, before continuing. “I may not be the best at expressing my feelings but I want you to know that from the moment I found the first note, I hoped it would be you. And I do not know how to make up for missing your shot on Wednesday, but I promise that I will never miss one again as long as you will still accept my help.” As he finished he grabbed my hands and looked at me with the most sincere smile I had seen in a long time.

   “Do you truly mean all of that?” I asked, sure I trusted him but the years of feeling like no one would actually like me for me had left a mark. “I don’t want you saying all of this just because you don’t want me to be upset. I’d understand if you don’t want to be with me because of the whole trans thing.” I said looking down at our joined hands.

   Before I could get too deep into my self-deprecating thoughts, Denki moved one of his hands to rest on my check, tilting my head so I was looking him in the eyes. “The ‘whole trans thing’ is one of the reasons I love you. What I mean by that is, you have faced so many struggles in life because of who you are and I couldn’t be prouder of the person you have become. You wake up every morning and tell society to go fuck it’s self because only you can truly know who you are, and thats one of the bravest things any one can do. As for all the other reasons I love you, I guess you’ll have to let me take you out so I can tell you each reason.” 

   Hearing him say those words lifted my heart. “Thank you Denki, I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions and assumed you wouldn’t feel the same.” I said, glancing down.

   “No, I'm sorry for not telling you that I love you sooner.” He said, placing a kiss to my forehead. I couldn’t hide the smile that took over my face. “Now let’s make up for our missed movie night and who knows how many kisses I have to make up for not giving you.” He finished placing a kiss to the tip of my nose.

   As he stood up to set up the movies I remembered one crucial thing about the day. “Wait Denki, you left in the middle of your birthday party. Shouldn’t we at least go back down so you can open the rest of your presents?” I asked, watching as he walked back to my bed.

   He paused to think for a moment. “Nah, I have to make up for being an idiot and ignoring the most important person in my life.” With that he laid down on the bed pulling me into his side as he played the movie.

   “Okay, if you say so. I’m sorry I ruined your birthday party though.” I said as I cuddled closer to him.

   Denki just placed a kiss on the top of my head. “You didn’t ruin anything. You gave me the best birthday present I could ask for. Now shh the movie is starting.” I nodded, deciding he was probably right and focused on spending time with Denki.

[correctional-transition]

Not trans, don't have a detrans kink, just genuinely curious and it seemed you might be willing to discuss the topic a little. I'm not trying to kink shame but my first thought on detrans was "this is transphobic". A lot of detrans posts I've seen repeat rhetoric that transphobes use in a degrading way or just straight up express positivity towards transphobes. So I kind of just wanted to ask, how is this kink separated from just actual reinforcement of internalized transphobia? Just the consent of the individual? Because even with consent (from an outsider's perspective) it kind of seems like a form of self harm? At what point does the kink stop, bc it seems like a lot of people actually mess up their mental image? Once again, no hate intended I was just wondering if you have an answer for any of these questions

Honestly this goes for almost any and all extreme kinks from cnc, age play, detrans/misgen, orientation play, etc.

I don't judge anyone on their kinks and although I will never understand some of them to the point of enjoying them I can understand a lot of them can be developed from different things.

Now I'd like to make it clear that this is all OPINION and it cannot be true fact as I have done 0 research onto the topic of how kinks start or the statistics of bad vs good (which are all subjective) within kink.

A lot of kinks can be seen as bad to people because it goes against a lot of social acceptance such as the detrans/misgen because outside of kink if you saw that you'd say "wtf. That's transphobic. You're a bad person." Whereas within a consensual kink environment it is more openly used as a form of self discovery, acceptance of the world and even coping mechanism. It can, however, still contain bad apples. You can still have transphobes playing within the kink and these people SHOULD NOT BE and you should ALWAYS watch out for people like these in ANY kink. When it comes to bad apples you want to look out for red flags such as "doesn't separate kink from reality", "doesn't provide aftercare", "doesn't support who I really am", "ignores the boundaries and limits I've placed to keep myself safe". And sadly there are a few people who do use it as a form of self harm so you need to be careful with people like that as their mental health matters but it can impact your own mental health too (both in negative and positive ways)

Kink stops ultimately when someone wants to. Everyone is different. Some people make the kink a reality becomes for some people it was used as self discovery and that's how they realised they may be more comfortable as a woman or man or non-binary etc. Some people stop immediately because they realise they were just trying to hurt themselves with the kink and that's not what they wanted to do.

Thats all I can really say atm off the top of my head on this matter but I'd love for some of my followers to also include their own thoughts and opinions in the comments or reblogs because I think its important to have a collective view/opinion on a matter like this as its completely subjective and so everyone's perspective will be different ♡

[southeastasianists]

Tan Ming Li is a certified death doula. Just as there are those who facilitate bringing new life into the world, there should be people facilitating more and better ways to talk about death and dying, she reasons.

In 2023, she started The Life Review, a social venture with the mission to normalise conversations about death, dying and bereavement. Events open to the public include Life Stories, a series of chat sessions with topics such as “Motherless daughters”, “Real men don’t cry” and “Pet loss and our enduring bonds���; as well as Death Over Dinner, in which people come together to have conversations guided by Tan about their personal experiences with loss while sharing a meal.

The last Death Over Dinner took place at South Indian restaurant Podi & Poriyal, where participants were served dishes containing ingredients with special life and death significance in South Indian culture such as black sesame seeds, which signify purification; and jackfruit, the wood of which is often used as funeral pyre logs during cremation.

“What better way for Asians to connect than through food?” said Tan, explaining that Death Over Dinner is actually a global movement that originated in the US, “but we tweaked it so that food was a much bigger component, building the conversations around the ingredients and dishes. In other countries, the concept is just for people to talk about death over the dinner table.”

Tan, who is in her 40s, believes that getting comfortable with talking openly and honestly about such topics is vitally important.

“A nationwide survey conducted last year (by the Singapore Management University) revealed that ‘only 53 per cent of Singaporeans are comfortable discussing their own death while barely a third (33.4 per cent) would do so with someone who is dying’,” she shared.

She feels there is also a tendency to over-medicalise conversations about death, focusing on treatments and doctors.

“As a society, death is not something that is commonly discussed and we tend to be ‘death-denying’. Healthcare and wellness are all about ‘preventing’ death. In fighting against death, we are unaccepting of this natural part of life. This makes it hard to be vulnerable about our emotions around it,” she said.

Even if you haven’t lost a loved one yourself, “When someone else experiences a loss, many of us don’t know how to address the topic and end up using platitudes like ‘I’m sorry for your loss’ or worse, ‘Everything happens for a reason’,” she pointed out.

Ironically, avoiding the subject of death inadvertently gives it more power. “This power can then suppress our thoughts, beliefs and behaviour,” she opined.

NO STRANGER TO DEATH AND DENIAL

Tan speaks from personal experience. When she was 17, her mum died of cancer. “Dad said, ‘Don’t worry, she will recover.’ Her sudden passing left us in shock. I remember my dad brought me to the hospital canteen, broke the news to me and simply said, ‘We just have to accept it and move on’. I don’t think he ever recovered. As far as I recall, there were no conversations about it within the family.

“In the years that followed, I lost my dad, grandma, uncles and aunts… I was frozen in my grief response and it took a mental health crisis for me to start addressing these issues.”

Concurrently, Tan had always been interested in social work, from her university years when she volunteered to support children with special needs, to volunteering to teach yoga and breathing at various institutions including the Society for the Physically Disabled (SPD) and the Institute of Mental Health (IMH). She also lived in Thailand for several years, where she gave her time to a social enterprise helping indigenous craftsmen sell their goods.

Her career was in Advertising Research until she took a sabbatical and travelled to India in 2013. Following that period of time in which to think and reflect, she embarked on a new path, offering services such as mindfulness and movement.

“In the course of my work, I encountered clients who are terminally ill or grieving the loss of a loved one. Curious about how to better support them, I started researching the topic,” she recalled. “One day, I received an email from students working on a grief literacy event, inviting me to facilitate a somatic movement session for parents who had lost their child. Somatic movement involves exploring the body's sensations and movements to promote healing. During this session, many participants were able to release long held emotions within their bodies, even years after their loved one had passed.”

Motivated by the experience, she enrolled in the death doula course offered by the International End of Life Doula Association, an organisation in the US. Participants acquire skills revolving around how to support and comfort the dying and their loved ones.

“As I delved deeper into the subject, I realised that this was something that needed to go beyond supporting my clients one-to-one. The societal reluctance to discuss death openly leads to a lot of discomfort and unresolved emotions surrounding the topic, and I realised the need to scale and bring this out to the public,” she said.

So, “I decided to pursue a Masters of Science degree in Thanotology – even doctors go, ‘What’s that?’ – and start The Life Review as a platform for people to get comfortable discussing end-of-life matters through education and engagement.”

As far as she knows, she’s the only one in Singapore taking a Masters in Thanatology (“When the course started, the Programme Director said, ‘Now we are an international programme, thanks to Ming Li!’”) and one of just four people in Singapore who have completed death doula training.

“While trying to help people going through bereavement and grief, it struck me that I also had to look at my own experiences and work through all the emotions and experiences that I hadn’t known how to deal with – or even realised was necessary to,” she divulged.

“The way society operates, if we experience a loss, we are given three days of compassionate leave – and only for immediate family – and then we are expected to get back to ‘normal’ as productive members of society. But what about losing a friend? A partner? A pet? Do you get over it in three days? Since the norm was to get on with life, that’s what I did. It was only later in life that I realised that it was affecting me in ways that I did not immediately connect back to my earlier experiences, such as in the way I interacted with people in relationships and friendships. I would not get too close in case they would disappear,” she shared.

And so, “The main reason I’m doing this now is because of what I have gone through in my own life. The programmes I’m planning are skewed towards caregivers for now, as I don’t want anyone to be in a situation that I was in.” She added, “It was a turning point for me to adopt cats, knowing that they will die before me, yet to accept this and love them.”

Her work has also turned into “my legacy project for my parents”.

“I have a purpose to fulfil now, to bring The Life Review into fruition, in the remaining years left of my life. And in a way, I’m already planning for my end, making sure that I don’t regret things that I could or should have done,” she said.

DINNER WITH A PURPOSE

At Death Over Dinner events, “The framing of conversations is intentionally designed to be inclusive and non-confrontational. Participants are encouraged to share their thoughts and experiences without feeling pressured to delve into deeply personal reflections or imagine their own funerals,” Tan said.

The dinner serves as a casual starting point for discussions about a normally taboo topic to unfold naturally, fostering a sense of comfort and familiarity around the topic of death, she continued. “The intention is not to impose rigid guidelines or restrictions but rather to offer gentle guidance and prompts to steer the dialogue in a constructive direction” while embracing cultural elements within our specific society.

It is also about equipping people with the knowhow and language to either walk alongside a person who is dying, or to support a caregiver.

There are sessions taking place every quarter, which are open for individual sign-ups. The next Death Over Dinner event is planned for Apr 25 at Podi & Poriyal, with a group size of 12 to 16 people. Tan is also open to private group bookings, and hopes to possibly work with other restaurants as well.

The topic of death is rarely broached when everyone is healthy, she mused. But, in the face of loss, which comes sooner or later to all of us, “People may struggle to find the right words to express their feelings or fears, fearing that broaching the topic could cause further distress or discomfort to the person who is ill. As a result, conversations about end-of-life wishes, funeral arrangements, or even acknowledging the possibility of death may be avoided altogether, creating a palpable tension and unease.

"Dealing with it openly and saying what needs to be said can help the ones left behind adjust to the loss after the person passes away.”

And, “In the case of someone who knows they are dying, people around them not wanting to talk about it can leave them feeling unheard. They may not be able to express their desires; there may be things left unsaid; there may be people tiptoeing around them and telling them, ‘You’re going to be fine’ when they know full well they won’t be.”

The question of how we can begin to approach the topic of death in a meaningful way begs another: How talking about death openly and frankly can help us to live our lives more fully and intentionally.

“Accepting the finite nature of life and finding peace with it can change our outlook on life. When we acknowledge that life inevitably starts and ends, we are able to define what happens in between that holds significance,” Tan said.

“How do we make what happens in the middle matter? How do we leave a legacy for ourselves and future generations? Do we want to spend our time sweating the small stuff and harbouring grudges, or instead, use it to create memories and foster deep relationships? Living intentionally prompts us to confront these questions and align our actions with our values.

“Ultimately, embracing the impermanence of life compels us to live authentically, love fiercely and leave a legacy of compassion and connection.”

To sign up for Death Over Dinner, visit https://thelifereview.org/death-over-dinner.

[pazziville]

(another rant, scroll if you don't want to read, thank you. feel free to express your own opinions as well, i have no problem with that honestly, i'm all for conversing properly and hearing different perspectives. this has actually been in my drafts for quite a while now and i wanted to make sure i worded things correctly and respectfully and i figured it was the perfect time to post it considering everything that went down lmao.)

most pazzi shippers on here, based on my observations literally just joke around paige and azzi's relationship/duo dynamic and are most of the time not serious or are aware they're reaching but say it anyway because it's a free space out here.

if i see something i don't agree with on here, i simply don't engage with it, hit it with the not interested feature, and scroll down. sure, we're all free to discourse about things, but couldn't it all be avoided if both sides just understood each other?

pazzi truthers from what i see just want others to not be in denial of the possibility of paige and azzi being together because some people really are pushing and forcing the fact that they're just friends for the wrong reasons (homophobia, racism, etc.) however it doesn't also give us the right to harass people on the jump in assumption that they're denying pazzi for reasons that i just stated. people are allowed to not ship them in the same way we do which is post stuff openly and discuss their relationship openly or deny them completely for their fair share of reasons and that's alright. let's go below the belt simply because other people don't ship them the way we do, that's not very cool.

i'm not gonna speak on non-pazzi shippers cause i don't wanna put words into their mouths but from what i see they're concerned with boundaries and how pazzi shippers constantly over analyze things in regards to pazzi.

in terms of boundaries, i'm gonna speak as a pazzi shipper myself that i went here on tumblr to freely share pazzi moments and appreciate whatever they have in a space wherein you have to actively search things to actually see things if you get what i mean. meaning i don't try to shove the pazzi narrative in platforms where i know paige and azzi possibly may see them accidentally (and not purposely) and be possible uncomfortable with them. the moments that i share are those that have been shared here already on tumblr and other public platforms. however i do agree that actively seeking moments of the two using invasive methods and through stalking intensively is not okay and should not be tolerated, ever.

now to get into the topic of over analyzing. as a pazzi shipper myself, i really wouldn't consider it as over analyzing, it's more like trying to connect the dots with touch of delusion because we're obviously shipping two people together. for example we see a paige picture of her fit and we suddenly recall a certain someone wear something similar or the same thing, so of course as shippers, we share it on here and giggle about it. and when we do over analyze it's mostly just delusion so why are we so serious about that. sure it may not be cool to let the delusion seep through other public platforms the girls are on but we're on tumblr, whatever happened to free speech?

bottom line, engage with what u wanna engage, ignore what you don't like or don't believe in. don't go aggravating a group of people who don't have the same interest as you, let people do what they wanna, as long as it's nothing that directly hurt people. like what everyone's saying, we don't know these girls personally and they have not spoken up about anything as well. sure, they don't need to speak up about having to give them the respect and space they deserve but that's exactly why us pazzi shippers here on tumblr are here on tumblr, to make sure we're shipping responsibly.

that's all, gonna go back to my regular scheduled programming now! 🙏🏼

[leeannsparksauthor]

A Touch of Green

A/N: Hello all, I’ve been replaying the Spider-Man games and now have Peter Parker brainrot because he’s just too freaking adorable. Anywho I was inspired by the dead plant in the opening scene and immediately thought, ‘oh this poor boy, he’s trying.’

Also I wrote this with game Peter in mind but you can really imagine any Peter you prefer, hope you enjoy!

The plain truth is that Peter Parker couldn’t keep a plant alive to save his life.

It was a hard pill for him to swallow. For crying out loud the boy could make web bombs but couldn’t figure out how to keep a succulent thriving for more than a week. You couldn’t help but find it endearing, especially when he would text pictures of his poor neglected plants. Always captioned with ‘I don’t know what I did wrong!’ Usually followed with crying emoji, a pouting one if he was feeling super defeated. 

You remembered when he first moved into his apartment, he was so determined to brighten the place up. It’s just a tragedy that so many lives were lost in his endeavor. 

“Oooo Pete look at this one, it’s only two dollars,” you pointed to the Rattlesnake plant that had seen better days. It was a sad sight, brown leaves falling towards dry potted soil. 

“Uhm, yeah that’s a good price but it’s dead baby, don’t you want to get one of the greener ones?” He asked with his chin resting on your shoulder. One of the many things you loved about Peter was how openly affectionate he was. You sometimes wondered who was the more touch-starved out of the two of you. 

After placing a quick kiss on his cheek you leaned down to move away a few of the dying leaves to reveal healthy stems and the beginnings of new growth. “Well it’s not fully dead yet, it just needs some love and new soil. I think I could easily save this patient, Mr Parker.” Teasing each other came as naturally as breathing most days. 

“There’s not a doubt in my mind about that Doctor,” he said while picking up the pot to place it in your shared cart. You both still lived in separate apartments despite being together for almost two years now. It wasn’t like you hadn't discussed it before but the fear of change and the idea of sharing space caused the topic to be pushed to the back burner. You did ease his worries when you told him that there’s no one else you’d rather live with, it would just take some time, maybe once your lease was up for renewal this year you could both come back to it. “Ya know maybe I should pick up one too…”

His fingers were playfully slapped away from the potential victim. “No, no absolutely not, you are not killing another plant on my watch Pete.” 

“Awww now that’s just not fair babe, I swear I didn’t even miss a watering day on my last one!” You couldn’t help but laugh at the affronted look on his face. He’s just so naturally charming it hurts.

You pushed the cart over to where the bags of soil were placed before attempting to pick up the indoor plant mix. The action was immediately halted by Peter nudging you aside so that he could grab it instead, ever the gentleman, you thought wistfully. “Yeah and then you ended up overwatering it love. You drowned that poor plant!” 

“I didn’t know you weren’t supposed to water it every day…”

“It was on the care card Pete, did you even read it?” You knew damn well that he didn’t but boy was it fun to mess with him.

His hand came up to scratch the back of his neck, “I…may or may not have lost the card on the way up to the apartment that day.”

You patted his cheek lovingly, slight stubble underneath your fingertips. “What am I gonna do with you?”

“Love me, kiss me, smother me with affection. It’s honestly the only way I wanna go at this point.” You loved his smile, it was so boyish and warm and it just made everything seem right in the world.

“Oh I’ll smother you with something…”

“Oooo you promise?” His hand discreetly traced your ass, which if you could feel it was it really that discreet? He had always surprised you with how flirty he could be, you assumed that he was just full of blushing anxiety when you first met him.

“Head out of the gutter pretty boy, we still gotta do some grocery shopping for dinner.”

His long eyelashes batted themselves at you, “awww you think I’m pretty?”

You smiled at his ridiculousness, “yes, very pretty, now I’ve got chicken thawing in the fridge so what do you think? Should I do chicken fried rice, alfredo, or some chicken soup since it’s kinda chilly?” 

“Hmmm, decisions, decisions…” you could see him suddenly freeze, his spidey sense pumping the brakes on your outing. His phone dinged in his pocket and sirens could be heard in the distance. He gave you an extremely apologetic look, puppy dog eyes and everything. You would have hoped by now that he knew you understood. New York needed their Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man, even though they didn’t always deserve him. “I’m sorry baby…”

“It’s okay hero, but you still gotta choose which one I make cause I really don’t wanna decide.”

“Uhm, alfredo! I love you so much, I’ll call you later!” He smushed your cheeks together before placing a quick kiss on the fishlips he had created. He was such a goober, but you loved him for it. 

“I love you too.” Your eyes never left him as he weaved between the aisles before barreling out the door. Apologizing to multiple angry New Yorkers he bumped into along the way. You couldn’t help but laugh, thinking to yourself, there goes my boy, off to save the world.

Once you picked up some noodles, broccoli, mushrooms and ingredients to make the sauce you started to make the trek home. Paper bag in one arm and your new plant baby cradled in the other. 

The train was a little late, but what else was new honestly? Once you were seated you heard a notification ding on your phone automatically knowing that it was about Peter’s latest heroics. You told him a while ago that you had notifications set on your phone for all things Spider-Man. You just wanted to know that he was okay, and you were also amused by the ridiculous articles on Spider-Man’s love life. Apparently there was a robbery happening somewhere but there weren’t enough details released yet, you figured Pete would tell you about it later when he came by. Finally arriving at your apartment you leaned against the elevator wall, drained from the day but excited to work on the home tasks you had been mentally compiling throughout the afternoon. 

Your new plant was situated in front of the window. It was much shorter and greener then when it arrived due to cutting away all the dead leaves but now it was nestled in fresh soil and ready for another chance. You couldn’t help the smile that rested on your lips as you looked at all the green surrounding the window. Jeez I really have a problem don’t I, you thought to yourself. Currently the biggest plant in your apartment was your grandma’s pothos she gave you when you moved. Under her care it had thrived and you were heartbroken when it reacted badly on the trip to New York. Luckily she was a resilient one, and you think she could win first prize if she felt so inclined. 

As you gently traced the leaves your mind wandered to Peter which happened multiple times a day. It was like a light bulb went off in your head as you scrambled to reach the top of your fridge that housed multiple empty glass bottles. You knew exactly which one you were looking for and let out a pleased sigh when your fingers grabbed the neck of the bottle. After snipping off a stem from the pothos you gently placed it inside the glass that was now filled with water. The leaves rested over the lip and you couldn’t wait to give the small gift to Peter. I swear if he manages to kill this I’m going to have to take that boy to a botany class or something. 

You were letting the sauce simmer on the stove when Pete called you, his caller ID was a photo of him in his Spidey suit holding an armful of puppies that were up for adoption. He had swung by an event the agency had set up in central park and decided to stay to help all of the babies get adopted. He messaged you insisting that you had to come by and see all of the adorable dogs. Most of whom were adopted by the time you got there. You remembered having to play pretend and ask Spider-Man if you could take a picture of him with the puppies. 

“Yeah of course Ma’am!” He had said in his fake deep voice that he put on for show whenever he got nervous. 

“Hey baby everything okay,” you asked once the call was connected.

“Yup all good, just another bank robbery but it’s all cleaned up and I’m heading your way now.” You could hear the exertion in his voice, the tell-tale sign of him swinging through the city. 

The sauce spoon was tapped against the pan to get all of the excess off of it. “Let me guess it was the hamburglar again?”

“Yeah, the guy just doesn’t know when to quit.” The sounds of the city played in the background, cars honking and people calling out as Peter swung above them.

“Well it’s a good thing Spider-Man was there to save the day. I’m gonna start boiling the pasta so I’ll see you in a bit, we don’t need you hitting another building cause you were swinging on the phone.” You would never forget the day that he slammed into a fire escape because he was too excited to tell you about his promotion to pay attention.

“How dare you, I'm a safe swinger…wait no, that came out wrong.” You could practically hear the blush in his tone and it made you giggle.

“You better be safe while you’re swinging!” The declaration was said between laughter at his words. 

“Always am, love you bug!”

“Love you too baby.” You blew a quick kiss into the phone, waiting for his responding smooch before hanging up. 

He ended up climbing through your window about ten minutes later beating all of the rush traffic. As soon as his feet hit the floor he ripped off his mask and set it on the chair that was designated for his quick changes. “It smells amazing in here!” 

“It tastes even better!” You called over your shoulder as you scooped the noodles out of their pot to mix into the sauce. His chest was pressed against your back as he placed a total of three tiny kisses to your forehead. You turned your head so that you could meet his lips in a soft kiss, you were always so thankful when he came back unscathed, most nights weren’t like this.

“Mmmm, not as good as you though.” Ever the flatterer this guy.

You placed another quick peck on his lips, “that’s very true…oh I have a little something for you!”

“For me? You shouldn’t have!” He exclaimed with ten times the energy you would expect from someone who just stopped a bank robbery.

“It’s nothing too crazy but here…tada!” You showcased the little plant chilling in its water bath and you could see the confusion clear as day on Peter’s face.

He held up the bottle, inspecting the leaves like they were his greatest mystery. “I thought I wasn’t allowed to have plants anymore?”

“No, you're not allowed to kill any more plants, which should be incredibly hard to do with this one.”

“Oh I’m sure I’ll somehow find a way.” He seemed nervous, like he was actually afraid that he was gonna fuck this one up. 

You made a grand gesture towards the small plant. “No cause see, this, this right here, is your son Peter. You love him, you nurture him and best of all you leave him alone! He’s basically just propagating right now so he just stays in the water and he’ll keep growing. I will of course check on him everytime I come over to your place.”

He teasingly fanned himself like he was overcome by the news. “I really wasn’t expecting to become a dad today, this is just all so sudden…wait is this from your big guy in the corner?”

“Yes and kind of selfishly I hope that you think of me each time you look at it.”

“I’m already thinking of you all the time so no worries there. Hey, is this a bottle from Julia’s place down the street?” It was also the place where you guys had your first date and had since become your favorite shared restaurant.  

“What a keen eye you have there Mr Parker.”

His eyes seemed to gloss over with affection, adoration, admiration, and all of the a words that described love and happiness. “I love you.”

You gave that look right back to him tenfold. “I love you too, and because I love you I’m going to politely say that you stink and that you need a shower before dinner.”

“Yeah you can just feel the love in the room.”

[spicybylerpolls]

Quoting an anon ask on the bylerconfessions antisex discourse blog:

"Ok, so I decided to bring a point of view that from what I've seen hasn't been brought up yet. The fandom has a lot of adults and we already know that. Some of these adults experienced adolescence in very complicated times, similar to the 80s. Let's not forget that even today in 2024 we have cities where being LGBT is still a huge problem. It wasn't easy for us to live our adolescence in such an environment and I'm sure many of us didn't have a good experience. So, some look for NSFW content related to Byler and not because they are fantasizing about them, but rather to see a better experience than the one they had or even in a more positive way with a ship that they really like and support. I believe there is no problem with this and it does not mean that the person has sexual desires for teenagers, as some people on the tag have said. I myself was the same age as them when I lost my virginity."

Yes!! But, this anon went on to say this:

"However, and here comes my other point, this doesn't mean there isn't a limit to it. Discussing fetishes openly, who has the bigger member between the two or other worse things that I've seen lately is really unnecessary. I've seen people saying that it's normal to talk about sex and I agree, but it's not like the topic is about problematizing sexual relationships between gays or something like that, or representation in the media, but really unnecessary things like "who gives the better handjob?" there is a limit and people are crossing it and using a shitty excuse."

and i couldn't help but agree.

'it's fine to project through fiction, but please don't use that as an excuse to make polls on "who's toes curl more" '

i love the freedom of this blog, but some stuff sadly slides into weirdness. someone should make a freakybylerpolls blog for the gratuitous stuff, and leave the pondering about actual possible healthy sex for byler in s5 to this one.

I understand this as a concept, but I think it would be strange for the fandom safe space for "spicy/problematic" questions to also become filtered and policed. I think it's a slippery slope and a very thin line when it comes to determining what falls into the category of okay and reasonable and what falls into the category of "too far." Especially if one blog is serving as the border control. Everyone has different tastes, everyone has different standards, everyone has different lines, and everyone has different comfort levels. And that's all okay!

I've received asks that are all over the spectrum. Some, like the "Who has more internalized homophobia?" question, aren't even spicy, and some are... um... very far on the other end of the spectrum. On my pinned post I do ask people to use discretion when submitting polls, but as a poll blog, I stay completely neutral. I'm not a preacher, I'm a messenger. I don't endorse or unendorse any specific question.

This blog is for fun! The purpose is for our fandom to explore the potentially taboo without shame. I get that not everyone may be comfortable with every poll even if they support the blog overall, but that's honestly what the "see results" button is for. If someone doesn't want to engage with a specific question, they can scroll past it or press that button to opt-out. Or if they're not feeling the blog as a whole, they can block the tag or block the account. No hard feelings!

Anti-censorship and freedom for all!

[gamesception]

Sception Reads Cass Cain #30

Batgirl (2000) #13 Writer: Puckett Art: Scott & Campanella

Event Crossover's done for now, and the immediate fallout - Gordon's & Alfred's retirements - don't directly impact Cass, so we're back to one shot Batgirl stories with the usual creative team. Or, well, sort of. While this issue works as a stand alone story, it will have some fallout that pushes Cass's story forward a bit.

So yeah, this is the one where Cass saves the repentant sniper from his US government handlers who are out to kill him now that he's become a loose end by growing a conscience. Yes, you can draw a parallel to Cass herself, also a repentant assassin, and point out that thematically she's saving herself here - or at least attempting to, given what follows. Plus this issue is set up for coming issues that will examine the theme of Cass's isolation and Bruce's role in keeping her isolated, a topic I recently discussed in a reply to a post by @but-a-humble-goon over here.

But most of that deeper thematic stuff is attached to the fallout from this issues events that we'll see going forward. So for the moment, especially considering this post is half a week late already, I'd instead like to just take a moment to acknowledge that his issue has some really iconic moments, both from the art and the writing.

Like this bit of Cass dodging bullets.

Or this bit of the gov't agents openly laughing at the sniper for believing the story he had been given for why he was supposed to kill his target.

Like, these agent guys are super cliche, sure, but they're also so perfectly hate-able. They're kind of fantastic, and I wish Cass had feuded with them more.

Cass no-selling the agent's threats is great.

And uno-reversing the threat immediately after is even better, because unlike this agent guy we know who her friends are.

Though, I mean, honestly, they're in Gotham. Dude should be able to put 2 and 2 together.

And this panel of Cass leaping off a building is fantastic.

At the end, when the guy asks her why Cass would do all that to help a complete stranger, how it was she knew he was somebody who deserved to be saved when he himself just found out he'd been killing innocent people.

And her answer directly calls back to the end of issue 6...

Where her instinct to protect others even at the cost of her own life was what had, at least for the moment, overcome Bruce's doubts about her.

And this great bit at the very end, where he asks her name and the ending title card answers for her. Who is she? She's Batgirl.

Of course, follow up to this story in future issues will examine how the fact that she has no identity, no name, no life besides being Batgirl is kind of a bad thing actually, but for the moment, treating this issue as a one of story, it feels kind of triumphant. She knows who she is, she likes who she is. She's happy! She's thriving! She's having adventures where she saves a symbolic representation of herself!

But yeah, this fun high spirited story that ends on this upbeat triumphant note is just building her up so the coming issues can tear all that down. She's not 'living in the moment' - she's running from a past that's too painful to think about and a future that she fully expects will see her dead at Shiva's hands in less than a year. She's not happy just being Batgirl because that's everything she needs, she just doesn't know any other life because first David and now Bruce have kept her from having one outside of their own ambitions for her.

She's not even symbolically saving herself through the metaphorical stand in of this sniper guy because he /isn't/ her and she /didn't/ save him. He has connections and a life outside of his past as an assassin, the kind of connections Cass was never allowed to develop, ties he can't just walk away from to start a new life, ties that the people Cass rescued him from today can use to go after him again tomorrow.

Again, though, that's discussion for future issues. In this moment Cass is happy, as happy as we've seen her in a while, and we can let her have that for a week or so.

[binalakai-archive]

hey im kai! you can also call me roach, if you already know a kai in your life because i know how many noncis mfs are named that

im a genderfluid filipino dyke (born 2002, figure it out) with she/he/it pronouns, i occasionally post my art on @binalakarchive , where all my OCs (at least as much as i show publicly) and fandom art/cleaned up discussions go there. i also do commissions sometimes, best to contact me through that blog!! my current OC blog currently resides at @huemanonearth, it's a project i've had for a while and i hope to one day make a personal-use pitch bible with it! i treat this blog like a neverending journal. i've grown up with it, and on god am i going to use it as such.

in a perfect world where i wouldn't need to establish boundaries, i would not even bother with a post like this, but the more people i follow/that follow me come across it's somewhat necessary soooo

DNI or like. BYF if you're not gonna listen to me anyway: (warning: it's long and text heavy. tldr; don't be weird to me, communicate with me like you would with a real life person because that's what i am, and we'll get along fine)

-basic dni huge bigot (racist, TERF/transphobic, homophobic, etc etc) stuff but if i catch that onto your blog anyway when you follow me i'll block you.

-if you believe in crab-bucket-mentality/are against mental health care in general, you best keep distance, honestly. its taken a long time for me to not open my wounds and delusions constantly towards the internet if it meant being valid in my mental illnesses. i'd rather not enter that era again.

-i dont get the whole "proship and antis" culture that happens, but for both sakes of people, if you identify with any of those things you might not like my blog too much. i love being critical and analytical of "problematic things", but i'll still discuss them openly n freely. dni if you'll be offended if i diss on ships/approaches to subjects that make me uncomfortable n find comfort in being critical abt it, and dni if you'll be offended if i diss on the idea that media with triggering topics should not have an outlet period.

-if you'll be offended if i block you out of the blue, doesn't apply to close friends/mutuals i just mean with randos who post takes i dont like or cause too much stress in tags i browse.

-if you're gonna get in huge trouble over seeing dirty jokes and crass humor in public you best not follow me. i try best to tag my stuff, but last thing i wanna do is have a stern talk about it.....which is why i also am wary about people under 18 following and will be a lot more liberal on blocking younger minors for their sake or people i assume won't vibe with me period

-if your parents have access to your social media and there's a chance i'll be DM'd by any of them. i dont wanna talk to any of your parents. if you have an issue with me, i'm more than happy to talk about things directly. (ESPECIALLY FOR BUSINESS RELATED REASONS LIKE COMMISSIONS. IT'S HAPPENED A LOT ALREADY DUE TO OTHER PARTY'S FAMILY CIRCUMSTANCES I CANNOT FUCKING CONTROL. STOP IT. ITS ANNOYING AND A PAIN TO HANDLE.)

-if you get too involved with online drama/disputes. i'm not going to reblog a callout for you. if you get even slightly bothered by that statement, do not get close to me period for the sake of boosting callouts.

-if you have specific niche triggers that need to be tagged. i try to do catch alls or basic ones, but i genuinely CANNOT keep track of all my mutual's blacklists. my mind will slip and id rather not put someone in danger/i wanna keep that risk very very low

okay thankies <3 sorry these are so specific, i just wanna be insane on the internet in the safest way possible