#this took me for fucking ever to put together and it still looks kinda shitty but i'm tired of working on it

[gayestpiano]

hi i made an euler diagram of given names that are also english words

[loganwritesprobably]

– Sanji with the 2° genre, prompt (u.) 🍡

You know, I never would've paired this prompt with Sanji, but I think its more harsh nature pairs itself well with a masculine reader, so that's what I'll do! This ended up being pretty long so everything is under the cut

Since this is the first one I'll be posting like this I'll just explain - anything where you only requested one character, I assumed was to be paired with a Reader, since I struggled with making a lot of them work as a solo thing.

Content/warnings: Sanji/M!Reader, hurt/comfort, getting together, reader is insecure, Sanji is kinda cruel at the start whoops, Sanji has a gay awakening

You'd been acting off all day, you knew you had, and while the crew hadn't mentioned it you were aware they'd noticed and that they were beginning to worry. Generally, you kept in high spirits. Not today. It wasn't any much, your insecurities had just been getting to you lately. You also felt ridiculous for letting that spoil your mood all day, which was only making your mood worse. You were the least attractive person on the crew, in your opinion (outside of Chopper because who is calling a kid attractive). Most days, you let yourself be confident in the fact that it didn't matter because that didn't make you ugly and you had a good personality so why did looks matter. Some days it bothered you anyway.

You were docked at an island while the log pose set, and pretty much all of the crew had received attention from people (of their preferred gender and not), outside of Chopper, but again, he didn't count (and he'd still had a group of teenage girls call him cute). You? You'd not gotten a single comment or even a look. It just made your stomach twist. It was stupid and you knew it, but it was eating you up inside. Worrying about that just led to more worrying about other things and you were spiralling a little even if you were attempting to pretend you weren't. It wasn't working.

"What's your problem?" Sanji asked as he emerged from the kitchen having just finished cleaning all the dishes from lunch.

"I don't want to talk about it, Sanji." He'd not gotten much attention from women, but oh boy had Sanji gotten attention from men. He'd brushed every one of them off, rather unkindly, and that hurt too. You'd had a bit of a crush on Sanji for ages now, but moments like that told you that you couldn't ever share that fact with the cook.

"Then stop moping! It doesn't help anything, and it's not great for the mood on board." He retorted with a roll of his eyes, and you rubbed a hand over your face with a sigh. You didn't want to lash out, but you really didn't have the emotional availability to be kind in that moment.

"Sorry Sanji, my bad, I'll just pack it all up and ignore it all - God forbid I have fucking feelings." You snapped, pushing off the railing of the Sunny where you'd been leaving to walk away. You didn't want to deal with his shitty attitude today of all days.

-·—·-—-·—·-

You'd hidden away to calm yourself down, then taken a shower to release some of the negative feelings you'd had pent up. Residual negative emotions lingered, of course they did, but you were more prepared to push them aside and put on a happy face. You emerged on the deck and sat down with Robin to talk about the book she'd been reading, allowing yourself and your better mood to be more easily seen by the crew.

"What happened? You really looked upset." Nami asked after a few minutes, having come to sit in her usual spot beside Robin.

"Oh, nothing. Just had a chat with Sanji." You said with a shrug, smiling at them as best as you could.

"I hope you're not spoiling these ladies days with your foul mood." Sanji said as he appeared with two drinks, one for each of the ladies in question. Robin and Nami snapped their heads to look at him, unbelieving he could be so cruel.

"No don't worry Sanji - I took your advice and just got over it. Won't catch me moping again. I'll keep that to myself from now on." You replied, mock kindness on your face and in your voice. You weren't going to start an argument with him, but that didn't mean you couldn't be passive aggressive at least. He fixed a hard gaze on you, but kept his smile in place. Wisely, he said nothing, and left the drinks for Nami and Robin before swiftly returning to the kitchen.

-·—·-—-·—·-

You spent the rest of the day avoiding Sanji, even having asked Robin to save you a plate of food so you could eat away from the rest of the crew and mainly away from Sanji. She'd delivered your plate loyally, and just gave you a smile before leaving you to eat in peace.

Eventually though, the plate did need to be returned to the kitchen. It'd long since gone dark, and you were just hoping that Sanji was elsewhere by now.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid," you heard muttered from the kitchen, pausing outside to listen to whoever was so frustrated inside, "can't even be nice just for once. He just makes me so-" it was Sanji, of course it was. You weren't sure what else you'd been expecting. But he was in there, scolding himself, and it sounded like he was doing it over how he'd treated you.

You didn't knock, just pushed open the door and let yourself in, plate still in hand. Sanji stopped stock still, staring at you as if he'd been caught doing something he shouldn't have. You gently set the plate down on the table, pausing for a moment before turning as if to leave again.

"Wait-" Sanji called out, making you pause. There was another beat of silence while the cook found his words.

"I'm sorry," he said softly, hesitating before continuing, "I was unnecessarily cruel. You didn't deserve that."

"Yeah." You simply said, because just saying that wouldn't make him forgiven. You'd never done anything to him, you'd both just always had a joking friendship, where you'd take playful jabs at each other. They were never genuinely cruel.

"I just-" he paused again, fighting with himself to find his words, "you make me.. feel a lot of things that I don't know how to deal with. I just look at you and it all.. bubbles up inside of me and for some reason the only thing that ever gets out is something mean. What I said earlier was too far, and I am sorry. I was just worried." He finished, and you finally turned to face him. Sanji was flushed red, wringing his hands as if he was fighting not to put them elsewhere - his hair your brain helpfully supplied.

"Okay," you started, nodding slowly, "but that isn't a good reason. You didn't even try to get me to tell you. You didn't probe at all, you were rude when you asked what was wrong and then accused me of ruining the atmosphere on the Sunny. That's what you told me and best you can come up with is you were 'feeling a lot of feelings'?" You asked, growing more and more angry, but also more upset. You knew you couldn't have Sanji the way that you wanted him, but you'd at least wanted him as a friend. Maybe that was too much to ask for.

"I'm sorry! I'm not good with words - I can't make my brain tell my mouth what I'm thinking and I really want to help you understand even if you don't forgive me." You would forgive him, you knew you would, this would be petty to lose him over and would jeopardise the crew. But you couldn't be the same after this.

"Try."

"It's different than with other people. You feel- you make me feel different. I don't understand why. I just look at you and it's like.. the whole world stops moving for a minute," Sanji leaned forward, resting his hands on the table and stared right down at the wood rather than looking at you, "I've never felt like that before. It's scary. How am I meant to deal with something I don't understand? So I'm mean to you instead because maybe then it'll go away? I know it sounds stupid. And then when we're out and people look at you.. something just comes over me. I hate it. I just glare at them until they back down because they're not allowed to look at you like that."

You understood suddenly what Sanji was talking about. All this time you'd been so sure of what you couldn't have and in the background Sanji was having his gay awakening because of you. You were desperately trying to hold back, but you couldn't help laughing. He shot up straight as if he'd been struck, wounded by your laughter.

"I'm sorry- I know this is serious. I promise I'm not laughing at you, just the situation really. Sanji.. you have a crush on me. That's what that is." You told him, slowly approaching to close the space between you two.

"No! I- I like women." He defended, but he was hesitant, as if your words had given him clarity.

"Sure. But you also like me."

The two of you stood, silent, staring at each other. You, waiting for Sanji to decide what the next move was, and Sanji, processing the new information. In retrospect, he realised it was a little obvious.

"I acted like a little boy pulling on a girl's pigtails." Sanji muttered, suddenly a little humiliated.

"Yeah, a little bit." You agreed, and the cook just sighed. You both fell into quiet laughter finally, the tension of the entire situation drifting away.

"So uh.." Sanji started after a while, you let him find his words before responding, "what now?"

"That's up to you. I've liked you back for a damn long while now, but you've only just realised. You can go and take your time to process that new part of yourself if you w-" you didn't get to finish your sentence before Sanji's lips were on yours for the first time.

Yeah, now you definitely wouldn't be the same after this.

Requests are open! See below links for my other works, and how to leave requests. I write both canon/canon and canon/reader requests for your enjoyment

AO3 | Fanfic Masterlist | Request Rules | Fic Trades Guide | WIPs

Tags: @claryeverlarkf

[mychoombatheroomba]

Things I Love About the Shitty Live Action Resident Evil Movies

So, it was my birthday recently and my roommates asked if I wanted to do anything fun. My response, of course, was to suggest getting drunk and watching the live action Resident Evil movies and like, damn, I love those stupid ass movies so much. So I wanted to make a really dumb (and lengthy) post about the goofy things I like, whether for legit or meme reasons.

Y'all, I know they're bad, that is, in fact, why I love them.

1 - The opening is genuinely kinda freaky, like, the elevator scene? Oof, well done suspense

2 - Michelle Rodriguez. That's it, that's the post.

3- The LASER ROOM - so iconic they used it in the games. The first movie came out in 2002, RE4 then used the laser room in 2005, like, y'all, they took that from the goddamn movie, that's how much of a vibe it was

(And honestly, just the Red Queen in general, what an absolute icon, love that her appearance changes in every movie she's in)

4 - Alice is the most fanfic Mary Sue character I've perhaps ever seen on-screen, and I love that for her. Look at her kicking this zombie dog in the face, it's hilarious

5 - Pretty game-accurate costuming? I can dig it

6 - They're gay, your honor

7 - Bad CGI on the Licker, I would expect nothing less

8 - Alice is at her most powerful when she finds a white bathrobe just lying around somewhere

9 - Raccoon City gets destroyed in the course of, like, a day if I'm understanding the timeline right. Like, first infection to nuking the city seems to be about 24 hours. Incredible.

10 - Leon fucking wishes he was Alice, miss ma'am out here driving motorcycles into buildings and then launching them at a monster just to shoot it and blow it up.

(Special mention for another "they're gay, your honor"

11 - You'd think the kid they have to rescue from Raccoon City is Sherry, wouldn't you? An Umbrella scientist's daughter who the gang have to save? NOPE it's Angela Ashford. Not to be confused with the game's Alexia Ashford. Is it an easter egg? A botched cameo? IDK bro, you think they know the lore?

12 - "GTA MOTHERFUCKER" - LJ, before running over a zombie

13 - THEY GAVE NEMESIS A REDEMPTION ARC??? Incredible (not before making him and Alice fist-fight each other)

14 - Keeping with RE tradition, the helicopter almost always crashes.

15 - They just decided, fuck it, let's give Alice superpowers. Also the stupid Umbrella eyes, literally whenever they come up.

16 - The third movie is just Mad Max and Fallout: New Vegas merged together. Also the way they say the whole earth withered and died but later movies very clearly show flora still alive

17 - Why is Jorah Mormont from Game of Thrones here? WHY IS JOHNNY CAGE FROM MORTAL KOMBAT 1995 HERE???

Also why does Wesker look a little like Eminem to me in the third movie?

18 - The amount of just, like, "hey, this monster/character was in the games, let's just put them in the movie anywhere!"

19 - Carlos gets one of the only satisfying death scenes for a named character from the games. And by that I mean he gets one of the only on-screen death scenes for a named character from the games. Slay, king.

20 - Why does the Tyrant look like that?

21 - The army of Alice clones were blonde originally, but all went out and dyed their hair together between movies and I think that's cute.

22 - The timeline is so fucked up, I don't think they even knew how long was supposed to pass between the movies

23 - The way they shoehorned Chris in so bad that, as a kid, I thought he had no importance and they just wanted to give Claire a character to help her with her amnesia (also, Claire having amnesia). The Redfields do get to shoot the shit out of Wesker at the end though, good for them.

24 - THEY'RE GAY, YOUR HONOR

25 - The Executioner from RE5 just like, is in Los Angeles for some reason?

26 - This shot of Wesker.

27 - Wesker takes Alice's powers away in the beginning of the 4th movie, then at the end of the 5th movie he reinfects her with the T-Virus so she can be a superhuman again and just like, bud, you're wildin'. Also it's mentioned in the 3rd movie that Alice's blood could be the cure, and that she could synthesize it once the Tyrant is dealt with? But she doesn't? She just takes the clones of her in the facility instead of using the equipment to make a cure? I know they cure it in the last movie but like, girlie, you could have tried earlier idk. Fascinating.

28 - The opening credits scene for the 5th movie is actually pretty cool

29 - The rest of the fifth movie . . . whatever those writers were smoking, I want some. I know there's literally an Umbrella base in Antarctica in the game but like, idk, having an underwater base where you have multiple city simulations running for BOW production is so funny to me. They've got clones of Carlos and the whole team from the first movie, a random child Alice adopts, Las Plagas lads on motorcycles, more Executioners, Barry (oh, hi Barry!) and damn I love every terrible minute of it.

30 - "The Leon you ordered from AliExpress"

31 - Li Bingbing as Ada, my beloved

32 - Whatever the hell this fight scene is (I am obsessed with it). The sapphic energy of Jill v Alice. Las Plagas giving you instant superpowers. Michelle Rodriguez beating the shit out of Leon Kennedy (mans draws his knife and immediately gets disarmed, Krauser would be so disappointed). Ada just snoozing in the snow the whole time. Cinema.

The music kinda slaps though.

The second half of this where Michelle gets clocked in the face with a fire extinguisher and just looks offended? Immaculate.

33 - Wesker saying that he, Alice, Jill, Leon and Ada are the last hope for humanity from the roof of the White House. What a team.

34 - AND THEN LEON, ADA AND JILL FUCKING DIE OFF SCREEN BETWEEN MOVIES ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? Peak writing right there.

35 - I have never seen the Final Chapter, but I do know that Claire is the only (known) surviving original RE character. Chris is MIA and everyone else is dead. The lesbians win again.

36 - Also there's a character named K-Mart. No notes.

37 - WESKER GETS KILLED BY A DOOR LMFAO

I cannot say I would recommend these movies without the consumption of alcohol involved. Once that's in the mix? They're a great time.

[chocolate-failure]

I just feel so utterly drained. So devoid of everything. Just fucking horrible. It feels like everything I do is consuming the last bit of energy I have and then I have to do shit for dig. Like God I fucking hate it here. It's this house. I had it labeled has Home on Google maps but it's literally hell.

I've been living here for 10 mfkn years getting sicker by the day and at some point it's not worth my well being... well at some point it wasn't and I don't know if this shit is permanent but being here is hurting me. I remember telling dig like maybe 7 years ago that I was gonna move out and it was seen as an entire rejection of our relationship and him. Like no you ignorant bitch this place is killing me and I knew it better back then. I had so much more clarity but far less money and I felt like I needed to always placate dig. I mean I still do. He is an infant. But now we're moving towards getting out of here. It only took a decade. And now I can figure out if I hate my life because I'm not living a life I feel belongs to me in a place that fosters my well being or if I'm not living a life that belongs to me with a person who fosters my well being. I gave the sinking feeling it's both but I feel I owe it to him to give him the chance to fuck up our new life together. Cuz it honestly feels like it hasn't started yet.

I think regardless I'll feel better because this house is a fucking hazard. It should be condemned and I kinda want to do an air quality test here just to get an idea of how many carcinogens I'm being exposed to on a daily basis.

After my mom's birthday we took a trip to Buffalo NY (where she's from) and I was really not looking forward to it. I really dislike Buffalo and my mom and her sister ate both overbearing and annoying in ways that not just stress me out but are weirdly triggering. Like we had been there for maybe 10 minutes and my aunt notices my nose ring and says it's not straight and I try to downplay it cuz if I explain why it's crooked I have to explain that it's a taper. But like she won't stfu about it after I try to shut it down twice I just say it's a taper and I'm gauging my septum. My mom starts fucking crying cuz she's found she can manipulate me that way. But bitch I'm fucking 34 can we pls stop acting like you gaf about my wellbeing and just want to continue controlling me?? Like Jesus. So yeah, that was within the first hour of being there so I wasn't confident nor excited for my time there.

And my time there was for the most part pretty uneventful but not entirely uncomfortable. I got to take my super mfkn hot baths which kept my weight down and honestly that's all that matters to me in any given situation. As long as I can starve myself and purge adequately I'm pretty happy. Nevermind I spent much of my time on a couch sitting next to my veggie uncle watching incredibly shitty shows only a boomer could enjoy. He was such a horrible person before the dementia and I'm hard pressed to think that changed him for the better... tho him not talking is definitely an improvement.

Man I'm miserable.

So yeah Buffalo wasn't the worst thing ever. I did spend a fair amount of time around my mom and aunt and realized how absolutely fucking autistic every women on that side of my family is like goddamn. They're all so goddamn weird and not necessarily in a bad way but there are so many things you have to navigate and tiptoe around to keep them happy. And being round that made me feel kinda mfkn bad about myself. Like I know I'm not a person that people feel they need to bend over backwards to make comfortable but it is at the expense of a lot of my own comfort. I think it's a little of the low support need/high masking in me and because I don't particularly care for people I often hit the "why tf am I doing this" wall. I could easily drop this shit, support myself in the ways I need instead of being mentally and emotionally drained by people who always put themselves before me or don't even consider my needs. I could do this by myself. I would be happier by myself. Why am I not by myself?

Idk.

I mean I do but I don't want to think about it.

After Buffalo I went to the city to see Ichigo. It's been a mfkn minute but I love that nigga and I don't think I could ever not have him in my life even though we're so incredibly introverted and low energy we could spend years not talking. Man I love that dude. But yeah, I stayed at his place from the 22nd to the 28th and it was goddamn magical. We went to Providence Park a couple times which was really mfkn dope, ends up he loves nature just as much as me 😭

His partner is a she/they not sure of their gender identity but holy hell can she fuck up some beans and rice. Like goddamn. That first day she made some beans and rice with chickpeas and avocado and istfg I ate and was happy to. I didn't eat a lot but that's the kind of eating that makes me happiest. And they didn't super push me to eat which was really nice. I legit could eat those rice and beans every day, they were so good 🤤 The next morning ichigo made eggs Benedict which was fuckin amazing. I've never poached an egg but now I gotta learn 👀

Their dog is a lil ball of nerves but she did sleep with me on the last few days when everybody had left. Ichigo works with highschoolers and hmmm... I don't have a name for his partner but hm... I really like her, they're super chill and easy to talk to and have a really nice smile... maybeeeee.... yeah no idk.. but I like them. She's a lawyer that works with equality litigation and making sure ppl have access to resources. But erm, I was on my own for Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday which I very much enjoyed far more than I expected. I took the bus to the gym everyday and it was absolutely wonderful. I got so much done and felt so mfkn accomplished. I def lost like 5lbs on my trip. I think I came back at 164~ I gained it all back cuz this place stresses me out but for a shining moment I felt good about myself and my progress and that means a lot to me. It shows me it's possible. It shows me it's not me.

Shitty cuddle interlude~

Dig was upset with me earlier today cuz I said him taking a nap was welcomed because I'm having a rough day. He took it as me not wanting to be around him at all and decided he just would avoid me. He could have just asked me if I wanted to have a chill day but sends me discord messages, I've literally told him I don't always get the notifs and social media messaging has become incredibly stressful for me. But yeah, he assumes I'm super upset with him and I need to be treated like I'll bite his head off if he so much as looks at me. I feel like I'm being gaslit into believing I'm both a bad person and my need for recharge is too much. I didn't say as much but I made it known I wasn't meaning to make him feel a burden and that I'm not a bad person for feeling drained by him and needing a rest. I tried not reveal anything negative I was feeling while setting a clear boundary. I took my bath and he was still outside from when he retreated thinking I was mad. He's outside enjoying the rain. It was a good rain. I go down and he's not doing well. But it's always up to me to put aside how I'm feeling to coddle him so I asked if he was okay with company. I sat with him in silence for a while and think to myself, he definitely wants me yo cuddle him but is that what I want to do. No, no it is not. What will it do for me? Prob be uncomfortable and a lil draining but he won't be a melancholy buzzkill in the coming week which is even more draineding cuz he will repeatedly imply it's my fault. In the long run this momentary discomfort will allow me to avoid future discomfort and future me deserves better. So I ask him if he would like to cuddle, something he's not too good at doing so maybe modeling asking for consent will help him to do it himself. So I cuddle with him and it feels like nothing. But worse than nothing cuz it's something I'm doing completely out of obligation. There is no joy or contentment or even comfort... and why do I have to be the person to ask for shit I don't even want? This is tiring.

[tobiasdrake]

Into the Tower of Antsudlo to face our kinda shitty destinies.

So it turns out it's a jetstream, not a portal. I'm disappointed.

This is it. I hope the door that no one could open wasn't this one because it just took two baps with the Coral Hammer on the Coral Bells nearby to budge it. The Docarri build the Coral Bells. Surely they meant something else.

Alright team, let's make camp here at this inexplicably flammable lumber pile half-submerged in water.

So. That sucked and I hated it. We all got put through the ringer on that trip. Except you, Garl, because even total dickweeds can't bring themselves to be mean to you. You're a cinnamon roll. Keep doing what you're doing.

Key takeaway is that we're going to fucking die. That's a downer. But we knew that already so it's not that much of a downer, right? ...right?

...

I'm going to bed in my soggy bedroll. Good talk, everyone.

...that actually means a lot to me.

Okay, maybe we've got this. You aren't even supposed to be here and that means you might be able to change things up! We've got this!

Do you think the Docarri come here and leave all this pottery? There's a bunch of jars and stuff that's definitely not naturally occurring.

No, wait. Obviously the tower isn't naturally occurring, so the pottery may have been left behind by whoever built this structure to begin with.

Sorry, I'm still a bit shaken up.

I'm sure this is fine. We were probably meant to do this, right? Completely normal method of transportation.

SHIT THAT'S THE DOOR

Probably! It's a door, but it looks important! Guys! Break the pipe! Do something! Don't let it pass us by! GUYS.

You guys are fucking useless.

Except you, Garl. You're my bestie.

And you, Serai. We adore you and we're glad you're with us, regardless of whatever might be going on with you.

Zale, I give you a lot of shit but you're pretty cool too.

Everyone else here is fucking useless.

THE DOOR

Great work, team. We all pulled together and made it through. See, Zale? I told you we didn't need to resort to petty vandalism to get here but no, you wouldn't listen to me.

What are we, thugs or something?

Now, this looks much more like an ancient door sealed away that no one has ever crossed through. Look at those markings. There's something almost spiritual about this place. Teaks could probably spend a lifetime examining these carvings.

Well, that's not much of an obstacle. Garl, you still got those pressure cooker bombs of yours?

Just because I deserved this, that doesn't mean I can't be mad about it. Remember me as I was. Crying and shrieking obscenities that can't be published in most sections of this library at the World Eater as it swallows me whole.

Why didn't it open? Aren't we supposed to be children of fate or some shit? Defective-ass fucking prophet gave us some defective-ass prophecies. "You are the Chosen; Go to the door that only opens for the Chosen WHOOPS IT DOESN'T FUCKING OPEN I GUESS I'M LYING."

I hope I drowned that fish before we all died.

Oh you're on the other side of the Liar Door. That's fantastic. Hang on a sec... Zale, give me those papers I gave you. Yeah, the ones we wrote out during training.

Right. Here we go. Ahem.

This here's a court summons. I will expect to see you in the courthouse at Mirth, right after we build one, so that we can settle the matter of false advertisement.

Awfully informal. Are you coming with us? There's still room in Garl's backpack if you want to be Cargo.

Codes are flexible. They're social structures that only exist because we choose to let them. The only power they have is what we pretend they do.

So that's a "Yes you can" but "No you won't".

Guessing that's the true name of the Fleshmancer, then?

Yep, that's the Fleshmancer.

Shot in the dark, have you ever considered solving the Fleshmancer problem with violence?

Alright, I get it. "The consequences would be dire" or whatever.

GARL NO

Love the enthusiasm but please don't let your mouth write checks that I don't know if we can cash. I am not ready to throw hands at the Dweller of Strife's dad. When I suggested violence a moment ago, that was not me volunteering our services.

Well, the Chosen Ones door wouldn't open for us and we're failing at our prophecies. So. Probably not. I'd say that's a definite no. We are not who all this predestination shit had in mind.

But beggars can't be choosers and I don't care if you're a god or not, those ratty clothes do not imply a man with many options. So we're the best you've got. Deal with it.

Oh, sure. Piece of cake. We live in a tropical paradise so. Y'know. We're definitely equipped to hit up the fucking arctic on a goose chase for a homeless deity who smells of book must and mold.

Oh. Not even going to let us find warmer clothes first. Straight to the arctic.

Okay, but I'm taking three books with me as collateral. If this winds up being a trap and there is no artifact, I'm burning them for warmth.

[a-s-levynn]

from the curious asks: 3, 15, 26?

Ooooh hey there! Thank you for asking!! 🫂💖I hoep you have a lovely day!

3. Do you like the person you feel like you’re becoming? This is not easy to put to words. In general i don't like the person i am. Ever. But i think i see myself in a far worse light than i am probably at, at this point. I like that i'm trying to be someone i actually would like to have around but i am terrified of the idea that it might not be genuin. Which feels like a contradiction. I'm unsure. I like the chosen path but i don't think i'm ever going to actually like myself. And it's not even a confidence thing, because i'm very aware of myself.

15. Do you get wanderlust? Where do you want to go? This is so clishé but anywhere there is large bodies of water where i can't see land on the horizon. I don't know what it is about the see and ocean that draws me but it does. But alas, i'm in a painfully landlocked place.

26. What does your favorite tattoo mean to you? Or if you had to get a tattoo, what would it be? Why? As of yet i only have but one. But i guess a storytime is due about my ST tattoo i guess. But in short. ST means more than i thought in a roundabout way.

So storytime incoming so i think i'll put a cut here because it is long. Like actually long. And i'm too tired to check for typoos right now but i hope it is still readable. But I'm serious, it is very long. You have been warned.

There is a few things coming together into it. I wanted to have a tattoo since i know there are things such as tattoos exist. I never really had the money but even if i'd had i was so indecisive i hade no idea what to have.

Now my ST journey was a weird little thing. And it kinda sounds made up but it's not. It just has weird little coincidences. I think i shared a short version a few months back but this is a bit more detailed account of the events.

First i got aware of the them around when the Sundowning started to release. I'm not remembering exactly but i know i've seen an article about some new music which caught my eye because of Vessel in the original mask.

Pretty much a visual i thoroughly enjoy. So i opted to check out what this thing is. And this is why i think there wasn't much of Sundowning out yet because i did not vibed with it. At all. And the EP's were so far from what i was needing musically back that time. There was one track i kinda liked musically, i know i listened to it a couple of times but that's it. I was still hurt and angry and i needed to drown out noise. So i noted that the looks are cool, the dude had a nice voice it's just not for me.

A few months later a friend of mine sent me a video edit which had a song under it. I never bothered to look up the original. But i listened to that one downloaded track a lot since then.

Que 2021 and the release of Alkaline. I watched it. I know i watched the video. I know i liked it but didn't really connected it back to that nieche weird project with the masked dude because it was so different. And i still wasn't really paying attention, so i moved on to other artists and forgot about it.

And about a year later i was sitting alone in the park i used to hang out when i skipped classes at uni in a particularly shitty day insted of doing anything. It was one of those days when i was floating in a self haterd fueled lonely depressed existencial crisis monstrosity of moment. Which were not rare by any means. The depression part not the sitting in the park part. It was just a particularly shitty one and i wanted to feed ducks to feel something. There was stuff happening. It was a lot. I love that park because it has a pond with a bunch of ducks you can feed. It's peaceful. Anyway all day i had this meoldy in my head and i had no idea what the fuck it was. It annoyed the shit out of me because i didn't know what it was.

So when i went home i started searching to find it before i actually drive myself crazy with it. It took my mind off of what was going on. And that is how i found the offering. That was the one thing i liked when i first got aware of ST. And the instrumental melody of that track was what got somehow pulled out of my subconscious. And something finally clicked. So i went through all the materials. Imagine my bafflement when i realized i listened to an ST song since my friend sent me that stupid edit. It was sugar.

Then of course i checked out tpwbyt over which i'm still hitting myself because it could have been the part of my life sooner if i don't get distracted from alkaline. But yeah that's when i finally paid attention to the lyrics. Pretty much that was the day i finally came around to ST and they became a regular in my listening history because it helped me with my emotions. But i was yet to be insane about them.

But i noticed how much it actually helped me with processing and understanding my feelings in general to listen to their music and thinking about it in relation to myself and i made miles of progress on my own with a set of headphones which 10+ years worth of therapy couldn't even touch. And that is when the idea of the tattoo started to form in my head.

I knew i wanted something that represented my journey to come around to ST. Because in a was i think i had to grew up to it. Or be ready for it. So i wanted something from the era i first got aware of them. And in the end i choose the cover art of the first ep. Because that was the last one of the discography i understood yet it was basically the first thing i heard from them. And then there the flying seeds part of the artwork which kind of felt like these little connecting point. The visuals being eyecatching, me listening to sugar unknowingly, offering coming to my rescue. Little seeds that blossomed into my love for ST.

I also had the idea to have either worship or nothing-lats-forever incorporated but i had no idea how yet. The former one because duh, worship, the second one because it is so true, but i was leaning towards worship from the start. Also the runes were coming with track by track along with tmbte and by the end i was hunting for a better version of the apparition art when there were leaks of track titles and art because i needed that freaking P to finally be able to figure out my tatto. And it was perfect because i wanted something new in it to reflect on the journey of me arriving to this point. And the runes were perfect in that sense.

The idea behind the placement on the underside of my forearm is very simply coming from praying as a nod to the quite heavy religious imagery of ST. I am not religious so i don't really pray but the idea came from that. I mean my tattoo is mostly only visible if i raise my hand and you usually raise your hand at a live show. ST hawing rituals as live shows, we basically worshipping, all that jazz. So it's a nod to that. And the placement kind of decided that i have to rearrenge the art a bit as well.

The last bit is the old sigil insted of the new. Now that is a purely visual decision, because the current one would be too busy of a design in the overall of the tatto.. When i had everything i sent an email to a tattooshop before i went to work and i already had an answer when i arrived in. I called the artist in my next smokebreak to ask for an appointment. She was free the next morning, and the rest is history.

And in retrospect not long after i've seen them live for the fist time (actually twice in 3 days) and that was an experience. I don't know what happend during Higher but the last time i felt something akin to that is when i was 5 and experienced a full solar eclipse. I can't put it to words. But something happend. Something just slid into place in my brain. That is probably why i'm so sure by now that Higher is my favourite track. And i am very much insane about them ever since as you can see.

I'm sorry this got so long, but i never really wrote down my road to st in a detailed manner and it was very fun for me to actually follow back my own path, so thank you so much for the opportunity. And thank you so much if any of you read through this wall of text.

[the-archangel]

Subtle Truth

*Cyber Hanami day 4 - Gently Break It

*Not as much Kerry as I usually like, but Johnny (nearly) makes up for it.

The red hurts V’s eyes despite the sensitivity on his optics being dialled right down, alarms are flashing in the periphery of his vision, malfunctions, burn-outs, shit – his pain editors are down. He falls to his knees as the light becomes a stabbing pain in his head, crawling to follow the voice that brought him here, clenching his teeth against the onslaught. Every movement is an effort, like fighting against a turning tide, he drops further, belly to the ground and hands desperately scrabbling for purchase to pull himself forward, to reach the end.

He wakes in utter darkness, he opens and closes his eyes a couple of times to check, but soon realises it makes no difference at all, so he leaves them closed. He’s got no way of marking the passage of time, he feels like it’s been a while, but whether that means an hour or a week well, fuck only knows. If this is the end, he guesses he’s kinda ok with it, boring but peaceful is probably the very best he could’ve hoped for.

Some indeterminable time later, a distant sound catches his attention, for lack of any other stimulus he focusses on it absolutely. It starts as a hum, a vibration in the air more than a sound, over time it takes the shape of (maybe) a voice, but still too distant to make out any words. V drifts off, his mind conjuring pictures to try to make sense of the vacuum he finds himself trapped in, Kerry’s soft touch to his cheek, Jackie’s laugh, Misty’s concerned and caring face, Johnny murmuring his name.

His eyes fly open, he frowns, the red is back though he finds it less bothersome than before, but he’s sure he didn’t imagine it so he remains motionless and breathless. There it is again, slowly he stands, unsure if he’s even able and taking a moment to remember how to walk he moves in the direction of the sound.

“V, finally! What took ya?”

He doesn’t have anything approaching a sensible answer, stumbling to reach where the other man stands he catches himself from falling with a hand on his shoulder, and is surprised to find that it actually works.

“Yep, I’m just as real as you are here choom,” Johnny smiles, “but that’s not sayin much.”

“Wh…where are we?  Is this…Mikoshi?”

“Home sweet home kid. You just missed Alt, she explained some shit that I didn’t really get, but I guess you’re an engram now like me.”

V nodded dumbly, he’d come to the conclusion a long time ago that the only way he’d be saved would be to put him on a damn chip, didn’t mean he had to like it though. “So, what now?”

“Dunno, guess the hard part’s done. Alt’ll pop you back in your body and you’re good to go.”

The men stand looking at each other for a long moment, V is the first to break, waking past the other man to stare at the odd structures in the distance.

“Johnny?”

“Mhm?”

“I…I’ve got kinda used to having you around, is there no way we can…y’know…both make it back?”

Johnny raises a surprised eyebrow, he and V had been getting along lately it was true, but if the boot was on the other foot, he’d’ve been sprinting over that bridge without looking back – at least the old Johnny would.

“Nah, this was only ever meant to be a short-term thing,” he flinches inwardly at using a cheesy line like that that he’d used on so many others in the past, “ one and done. I died V,  should never have been able to come back, and if some crappy merc hadn’t made some shitty life choices I never would’ve.” He grins at V’s scowling face before carrying on, “You did me a favour, gave me an extra six months of life, a chance to build some bridges, now I can do the same for you.”

V's eyebrows knit together, “What fucking bridges? Apart from having a fucking parasite in my head it was all good…”

“Yeah, more the other part…”

“What?” V can see that Johnny is being serious, his legs lose the battle and he sinks gracelessly down onto the floor, “Six months…?”

Crouching down to be eye to eye with the merc, Johnny puts what he considers to be a soothing hand on V’s shoulder, “Sorry V, Alt seemed pretty sure. Something about irreversible changes, the body being configured to me now, some kinda techno shit.”

“So….you could live in the body….i…if I gave it to you I mean?”

Abruptly, Johnny stands and begins to stalk away, “Johnny, wait!” V calls stopping the rocker in his tracks to glare over his shoulder at the merc.

“Don’t wanna hear your shit V. Always said I’d go when the time came and I always carry through on a promise.”

“But Johnny….”

“Not interested, you’ve got people who need you V, people who care, I’ve got fuck all to go back to ‘cept memories and bad feelings.”

V watches helplessly as Johnny’s back disappears into the distance, his thoughts are reeling, six fucking months, shit, what’s the point for six months of pain, of misery? With eyes screwed tight shut his chin sinks to his chest and he grasps his arms around his knees letting a violent shiver rip through his body – or this version of it anyway.

A phrase rises unbidden into his mind, ‘Where there’s life there’s hope,’ one of the hokey things Jackie used to say, V never thought it made sense, til now. Vik wouldn’t let him down, if he couldn’t fix it, he’d find a way to make it bearable; the Aldecaldos had all sorts of medical tech, they’d come up with something; and then there’s Kerry, how could he have even considered leaving him alone, the gonk would be a mess without him.

Unfurling himself, V meets Johnny at the crossroads, “OK, I guess I’m ready, what do I do?”

Johnny points over the way with his cigarette “Keep going, don’t look back.”

“What’s gonna happen to you?”

“I’m going with Alt to the other side of the blackwall, fight the corpo scum from the inside, won’t know what’s hit em.”

V puts a hand on his friend’s shoulder, “Give em hell from me too,” he growls before making his way over the bridge. Half way across he turns remembering a hundred things he wanted to say, but the other man is gone so he carries on, without looking back.

[adoringhaikyuu]

they misinterpret your words during a fight and think you want to break up

characters: aone + kyoutani + oikawa + ushijima + (gn!reader)

request: hii can I request saying 'why am i even trying' in a fight n they take it wrong way, they thought u had enough of them but u just mean it like ' why r u even trying to argue' - kyotani, aone, ushi and oikawa... thank you ✨ • by @chibiiichann​

warnings: a lil angsty

notes: i was not sure how to title this well skfjhg + let’s just say everyone lives together in these

aone:

it wasn’t that he was trying to aggravate you

it’s just that he genuinely didn’t understand why you were upset and he was being dismissive without even realizing it

and that is what pushed you over

you were tired, you wanted to go to bed 

and you clearly weren’t getting anywhere, so you were ready to just drop it and go to sleep, hence why you said

“why am i even trying”

aone blinked a few times as he stared down at you, those five words sending a spike to his gut. you tried to move past him, not noticing the panic in his eyes, when he shot his arm out to stop you.

you looked up at him about to complain when you noticed the intense and glassy look in his eyes. he spoke up, his voice small. “please don’t.”

you sighed, “i just don’t see the point, nobu. i’m going––”

“no.” his voice was slightly louder and shaky. “please.” he stood in front of you and placed his hands on your arms as he looked into your eyes. “please don’t leave me.” 

you tilted your head, “leave y––” you shook your head, “baby, no i’m not–” you walked into his arms and he hugged you immediately, his arms holding you tight. “i’m not leaving you,” you looked up at him to find him already staring at you, holding his tears back. you placed a hand on his cheek and he nuzzled into your palm. “i was just going to bed because this argument wasn’t going anywhere. that’s why i said i don’t see the point.” 

he swallowed harshly and nodded. “oh.” 

you smiled sadly, “well now i can’t be mad at you anymore...” 

his hands squeezed your waist, “for what it’s worth...i’m sorry, y/n.” 

you leaned up for a kiss and he met you halfway. “let’s go to bed, okay?” 

he nodded but made no move to let go of you––so the two of you stood there for a while, just holding each other in silence.  

kyoutani:

you and kyoutani didn’t fight often...to be honest you rarely ever fought

but today...

both of you were really stressed out

you started arguing over something stupid, to be honest you couldn’t even remember what it was

it was just a way for you both to get out your frustrations in the end

but your voices started getting louder and you were getting in each other’s faces

and it became too much for you, it was just stressing you out even more

you needed fresh air

you rolled your eyes and stepped back, trying to shove past him. “you know what? why am i even trying here–”

before you could get far, kyoutani grabbed your arm, not forcefully, but enough to make you stop. you looked up and glared at him, surprised to see another emotion swirling in his eyes––sadness?

“you’re fucking joking right?” he never was good at talking through his emotions. 

you scowled, his tone not helping either of your moods at all. “let me go.”

he scowled right back. “no.” 

“kentaro.”

he raised a brow and stepped closer to you, “oh so we’re on a first name basis now? what, y/n?”

you clenched your jaw and looked him in the eye, taking a deep breath. “please just let me go.” your voice was small, defeated, you just needed space. 

his hand loosened but he didn’t let go completely, seemingly battling with himself in his mind. “no...i can’t. i won’t let you leave me.” 

so that’s why he was upset? 

you frowned up at him. “taro. i’m just going for some fresh air. i’m not leaving you.” 

he let go of you and stood straight, his lips parted. “oh.” he clenched his jaw and looked down, suddenly embarrassed by his reaction. you grabbed his hand and started walking towards the door. “what are you doing?”

you looked back at him, eyes no longer blazing, but instead, warm and loving. “we are going to get some fresh air. together.” 

he looked down, suddenly shy, but kept walking with you. “okay.”

oikawa:

oikawa had a bad day and he was more irritable than usual

tbh he was being kinda rude unintentionally

you were eating dinner across from each other and you were trying to talk about how your days were, not having spoken to each other much due to your busy schedules

but he wasn’t in the mood for talking and was just answering you with hums and giving you one word responses

after a while you got annoyed and honestly felt a little hurt

so you sighed and rolled your eyes, getting up from the table to go refill your water, mumbling to yourself more than anything

“why am i even trying”

it wasn’t until you said that that oikawa looked up from his plate, eyes wide, heart beating loudly in his chest. “wait what––”

you were already in the kitchen by the time he looked up and he urgently got out of his seat, almost knocking down his glass and you turned around at the clatter, surprised to see him basically speed-walking towards you. 

“oh now you pay attention to me?” you went to sip your water when he pulled it out of your hands and set it on the counter, ignoring your “hey!-” in protest. 

his eyes were frantic as he looked at you, “look baby i’m sorry i just i had a really shitty day today but––”

you sighed and looked to the side. “and i get that tooru, but that doesn’t give you the right to be a dick, i mean it feels like we haven’t had time to ourselves this week at all...”

he pouted and took your face into his hands, “i know baby and i’m sorry, i haven’t been trying as much as i could have been. but i promise i’ll do better, okay? i know i don’t deserve it but please tell me you’ll keep trying too?” his eyes were suddenly filled with tears and you looked at him in shock.

“hey–what’s wrong?” 

he pressed his forehead against yours and let out a shaky breath. “i just don’t want you to leave me––please don’t. i don’t know what i’d do without you––”

you pulled away as much as he’d let you to look into his eyes. “woah baby what––i’m not leaving you? sure i was frustrated, but i wasn’t going to break up with you.” 

his eyes widened, “really?”

you nodded. “really, tooru i promise.” just from the vulnerable look in his eyes you felt like you could cry as well. you kissed his cheek, “i’m not going anywhere.” 

he sighed, relieved and pulled you into a hug, mumbling his next words into your shoulder. “i love you.”

ushijima:

ushi could be really blunt and straightforward 

and sometimes had a tendency to brush things off, not understanding the big deal

today you were trying to get him understand something that happened at work, someone pissed you off and it really put you in a bad mood for the whole day

and ushi was always there to talk through things with you at night when you got home

but today, he really couldn’t see why you were upset––or rather, why you let it affect you so much, he didn’t see the point

and it felt like he wasn’t listening to you

(granted, you were a little strung up already)

you didn’t want to deal with people anymore so you brushed past him and went to take a shower, grumbling “why am i even trying”

as soon as you uttered those words, ushijima paused, unsure what to even think. you didn’t mean the relationship did you? surely, he thought about how you’d had a bad day, how you were frustrated and maybe you were just saying that in regards to your frustrations...but part of him wasn’t sure. you seemed rather annoyed during the conversation much to his disliking.

unfortunately, he wasn’t able to ask you about it because as soon as he turned around, you were already locked in the bathroom. he sat anxiously at the edge of the bed, his elbows on his knees, hands clasped as he waited for you. you were taking your sweet time, no doubt relaxing and decompressing, which he understood, but it was only furthering his worry about the situation. 

it was a good while later that you’d finally gotten out of the shower, steam exiting the bathroom as you opened the door. you hadn’t even noticed ushijima sitting across from you as you got out, still focused on your thoughts, trying to calm down. 

you put your night shirt on along with some sweats, which was immediately a bad sign to him, you almost always slept in one of his shirts, and he loved that about you. 

only when you got on the bed did he speak up, clearly tense as he got your attention. “love...”

you turned and he swallowed thickly, suddenly nervous. “when you said...” he paused, looking down at his hands before looking into your eyes, clenching his jaw almost in pain. “are you giving up on us?” 

you frowned immediately, “what?”

“you...you said ‘why am i even trying’ and stormed off...did i do something? are you not happy?” 

your mouth dropped open in shock, the frustration coursing through your body now replaced with disbelief and sadness. you moved closer to him and put one hand on his cheek, the other other on his shoulder as you looked into his eyes. “what? baby no, i was just annoyed and our conversation wasn’t really helping but it wasn’t your fault! i just needed some time to think to myself, i’m sorry. this whole time you thought i wanted to end things?” 

he nodded once and your frown deepened. “baby i would never,” you paused and pulled him close for a sweet kiss. 

his hands came up to hold your waist and you melted into him, the kiss clearly soothing his worries. the look of relief and love in his eyes was clear as day when you pulled away to catch his eye. 

“i promise i am happiest with you. i’m not going anywhere, unless you were planning on leaving any time s––”

his hands gripped your waist tighter, a fierce look appearing in his eyes. “no. you’re it for me.” 

you smiled, feeling something burst in your chest and gave him another kiss. “i love you.” 

his hands made their way under your shirt and you hummed, pulling away to stop him. “baby i’m kinda tired today.”

he shook his head, a light blush on his cheeks . “i know. i just prefer when you wear my shirts.” 

you smiled and moved your hands away, “oh, okay. then go ahead.”

he smiled back, “thank you.”  

[karmic-vibes]

Hawkins Memorial to Rescue Personnel

part 3 to the nurse steve au!

cw: mentions of suicidal ideation, mentions of drug use, drug relapse, failed unalive attempt, mentions of AIDS

wc: 2.1k

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5

———————————————————————

“I don’t wanna be here,” Eddie mumbled.  “I don’t care,” Steve murmured. “If you want any chance of living past a few years, you need to give up some bad habits.”

“What’s so bad about letting the drugs kill me first?” Eddie rolled his eyes, crossed his arms, and sat back in his seat. 

“Ed, stop… that’s not funny…”

“Sorry,” he sighed. 

“Edward?” 

“Right here!” 

He hauled himself out of the seat and reached back for Steve’s hand, encouraging him to follow. The pair walked into the therapy office and took a seat on the couch. Eddie shuffled his way closer to Steve, trying to snuggly sit next to him. Steve gently placed a hand on Eddie’s thigh, rubbing his thumb up and down. 

“How’s everyone doing today?” The therapist asked. 

“I’m here so, kinda shitty.”

“Watch the attitude,” Steve warned. “Sorry, he’s upset.”

“I would be too if I was getting sober. It’s not really a pleasant experience for anyone,” she chuckled dryly. “So, I’m Dr. Axen, but you can call me Melissa, if you’d prefer. I’ve been an addiction specialist for thirteen years, and I’ve been told I’m good at what I do, so hopefully we can help you out here, darling. Tell me a little bit about yourself.”

“Well, I’m Eddie and I’ve been using since I was fifteen or so—started drinking a bit younger. Everything really got out of hand when I made it big in music and started touring and all that fun stuff.”

“And what made you finally come in today?” Melissa asked. 

“This one,” gesturing to Steve, “insisted.”

“You’ve OD’d twice under my care, Ed. I-I can’t physically watch you go through it again.”

“Yeah, fine, whatever, let’s just do this so he shuts up.”

“Eddie,” Melissa started, “sobriety is a big step that you have to want to make. It can’t be for anyone else. It needs to be for you.”

He sat and pondered for a bit, the tip of his tongue peeking through his mouth as he anxiously tapped his foot a mile a minute. He glanced at Steve, then back at Melissa—he couldn’t believe what he was about to admit. 

“It is for me,” he said. “I may not want to be sober—hell, who does? But I want to be with Steve. I want to be able to…” He chewed at his bottom lip and scoffed. Fuck it. “I wanna be around long enough to marry him. Have gorgeous children with him. Go to stupid PTA meetings and watch him argue about the nutrition content in school lunches. I want us to own a home together. I want us to have a life. And… fuck,” he chuckled. “I can’t do any of that if I’m still actively using. So… yeah… I’m ready, doc.”

Eddie couldn’t look at Steve. He knew he’d be staring at him with teary eyes and his stupid well-maintained glossy lips. Eddie knew that, while they had only been dating a few weeks (and they hadn’t even put an official title on it) he wanted Steve to be his, forever. He wanted someone he knew could handle him at his worst—so for him… Steve was it. 

“Eddie…” Steve finally whispered. 

“Well, it’s true…” he shrugged. 

“We don’t– we’re not–”

“No, I know, but… I like you, Steve. I’ve done a lot things, dated– well, slept, with a lot of people. I’ve never found them attractive in the same way I find you. I never wanted to be confined to the restraints of marriage, but with you, I never want to do so much as look at another guy. I’ve had my handful of pregnancy scares with chicks I used to hookup with. Never, not once, have I ever wanted children, but with you? God, I want a million of them. I wanna do all the mundane, stupid things with you, and only you.”

“So how many kids are we talkin’?” Steve chuckled out a sob. 

“However many you want, pretty boy,” Eddie beamed. 

“So you’re ready to give it up? Give it all up?”

“Yeah… I am…”

Throughout the rest of the session, Melissa set up a care plan and a realistic timeline for him to get clean (without rehab). Since Steve worked in healthcare, she was hoping he’d be there to help Eddie stick to his plan. 

Even though Melissa said not to undergo too much change at once, Eddie insisted Steve moved into his McMansion. The two had been living under the same roof for nearly five months and Steve couldn’t have been happier. The change was initially difficult for Eddie, but with Steve’s help, he was able to adapt. 

“Okay, I’m heading into work,” Steve said, collecting his belongings before heading out for his biweekly double shift. “You need anything before I go?”

“A kiss?” Eddie pouted. 

“Okay, besides that?” Steve smirked. 

“Nothing, I think I’m alright.”

“Well then…” Steve leaned down and pulled Eddie in for a kiss. “I love you. Don’t do anything stupid while I’m at work. I’ll rip you a new one if I find you in my ER,” he teased. 

“I won’t.” He rolled his eyes. “I love you too, pretty boy.”

Steve headed into his shift and it was more or less the same—drunkards and traumas. During the second half of the shift, he set up shop at intake and listened to the EMS radio. He worked his way through his reports, making polite conversation with the staff that passed by him. Suddenly, his ears perked up when he heard another waste-oid being brought in over the radio. 

“Rescue 5 to Hawkins Memorial.”

“Go ‘head, Rescue 5.”

“We’re ten minutes out with a possible overdose. Patient is approximately a twenty-five year-old male—response to physical stim only, but borderline completely unresponsive. Not oriented to person, place, time, or event. Twenty of narcan was pushed—patient is still in respiratory failure. Two lines running wide open with ringers. We’ll update you with any new information.”

“Thank you, Rescue 5. Trauma room six is open—bring patient in upon arrival. I’m paging the doctor now.”

“Received, thank you.”

“Christ,” Steve scoffed. “Wheeler, incoming to six!” 

“Shit,” she seethed. “Drunk?”

“Overdose.”

“Shocker.” She took a sip of her water and paged a handful of staff to help. “How’s your night going?” she asked. 

“It’s fine. Same old Sunday. You know how it goes.”

“Unfortunately I do. How’s the hubby?”

“Wonderful,” he beamed. 

“Yeah?” She raised a brow. “Sobriety’s treating him well?”

“Surprisingly, yes.”

“What’s he like sober?”

“More or less the same,” he chuckled. “He’s a total dweeb, but super sweet. I can’t describe it, but he’s literally my other half—everything I’m not.”

“I’m glad to hear you’re happy and things a–”

“Rescue 5 to Hawkins Memorial.”

“Go ahead, Rescue 5.”

“We’re five minutes out.”

“Received.”

“God, I’m not looking forward to this. Overdoses are always my least fucking favorite. They’re just so heartbreaking. Watching addiction win like that, you know?” Dr. Wheeler sighed. 

“Yeah, I know.”

“What would you do if Eddie–”

“Don’t… please, don’t…”

“Right, sorry. Finish up whatever you were doing and join us in six, alright?”

“Will do, doc.”

Steve jotted down the last of his narrative as the EMS crew burst through the doors with the patient. Steve shook his head in disbelief as he collected his paperwork, already anticipating being stuck with babysitting duty. When he slid the door open, Nancy whipped her head around and tried pushing him out of the room. 

“What are you doing? You told me to help out.”

“You can’t be here,” she panicked.

“Um… doc, last time I checked this is my job.”

“Steve, take my word for it. Get out.”

“Dr. Wheeler, with all due…”

Then Steve saw him. 

He was pale. Lifeless. Saliva was pooled around the corners of his mouth as vomit stained his shirt and matted his hair. There was an intubation tube shoved down his throat as two of the EMTs took turns ventilating him and suctioning out the tube. 

To the untrained eye, one might’ve thought he was a corpse. Dead. Past the point of no return. 

Steve had seen him overdosed before, but never to this degree. He never thought he’d have to see his love like this. But alas, there they were. 

His pile of paperwork fell to the floor as Steve tried running to the bed, but was quickly held back by security. Steve screamed in agony as his body went limp, tears spilling down his face. 

“No!” he cried. “Eddie, no, please!” 

Anguish plagued his body as he wept for his partner. He hiccuped out a sob as security carried him out to the staff break room. They sat him up in a chair and set down a box of tissues before heading out. 

Steve had no words. He was doing so well—what’s happened? He said he was ready to give it all up, but there they were… back at square one. 

When Eddie was stable enough to be moved to a normal room (which took a few hours), Dr. Wheeler retrieved Steve to join his partner. Before heading in, the two stood outside the room—he needed to know what happened before facing him. 

“How bad is it?” Steve sniffed.

“Well… his left lung collapsed…” Tears pooled in Steve’s eyes as he cupped his mouth in his hands. “There was a lot of built up scar tissue. Has he been coughing a lot at home? Showing any signs of pneumonia or anything?”

“Not that I’ve noticed,” Steve choked out, voice breaking. 

“Then he must’ve been hiding it really well. How’s his condition being handled?”

“He’s on a lot of meds, but he always told me he was fine.”

“I’ll try and get his reports from the archives, alright?” Steve nodded. “He has a non-rebreather on right now, so just be mindful of that.” He nodded again. 

“Better than an intubation tube, I guess,” he sniffed.

“He’ll be okay, Steve… I promise.”

“You can’t promise anything,” he spat. “God, why would he fucking do this. He was doing so well.”

“I don’t know, sweetie… you’ll just have to ask him when he wakes up.”

She pat his shoulder before excusing herself back to the main ER floor. Steve reluctantly went into the room and took a seat next to Eddie’s bed. He laid back in the chair and waited for him to wake up. 

At nearly eight in the morning, Eddie stirred awake, trying to make sense of where he was. He blinked aimlessly a few times before noticing Steve. His heart sank as he glared up at the ceiling. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. 

“Why’d you do it, Ed?” Steve wasted no time. 

“I coughed up blood… I panicked, Stevie… I’m so, so sorry.”

“The doctor said you have scar tissue built up… why didn’t you tell me you weren’t feeling well? You’re not in this alone, Eddie. We could’ve done something.”

“There’s nothing we can do, Steve!” Eddie yelled, shortly leading to a coughing fit and gasping for air. 

“Breathe…” Steve sighed, checking his oxygen’s flow rate. “Ed, you need to come to terms with death. I’m not saying from AIDS, I’m saying in general. Yes, one day, you’re going to die. I’m going to die. Everyone dies. Yeah, it sucks, but it happens. Alright?” Eddie pouted, still trying to catch his breath. “You need to tell me when you’re not feeling well so we can do preventative treatment, not reactive like this, okay? And so you don’t freak out and relapse,” Steve teared up. “I can’t lose you… not like this, Eddie.”

“But Steve,” he wheezed, “if I’m going to die, I wanna do it on my own terms…”

“This isn’t the way, Eds… think about me… please. Watching you slowly try to repeatedly kill yourself is so hard for me to...” he trailed off. “You suffer, I suffer—it fucking sucks, Eddie. Dear lord, it’s more painful to watch you do this to yourself than it would be to watch a disease take you. At least, with the disease, you can’t help it—you just have to let it happen and fight like hell to stay. But this? Eddie this isn’t you… you can’t be known for going out like this.”

“But why, Steve?” he choked out. “I run… that’s what I do… I’m no fighter.”

“Knock that off,” he cried. “Please, for me, go fo rehab… get clean… I can’t stand watching you do this to yourself. I think it’s killing me faster than it’s killing you.”

“I’m sorry, Stevie, I… I can’t–”

“Hey, hey, hey…” Steve whispered as he cupped Eddie’s cheeks, wiping away his stray tears. “Yes, you can. You can and you will. For me… please, Eds… I can’t lose you…”

“But, Stevie…” he choked out, “I don’t wanna be here anymore…”

———————————————————————

taglist: @steviesbicrisis @adaed5 @harringtonshairychest @manda-panda-monium

a/n: i know it’s sad right now!!! but please stick around for the next part, it will get better! im not a total monster, i swear.

ANYWAYS, it’s not stated directly, but this is taking place in ‘91/‘92, so eddie would be 25. i also like to think it took steve 5 years to finish undergrad bc he acknowledged he needed more time and that’s okay—normalize adding more time onto your education to suit your own academic needs!!!!

as always, please lmk if tumblr glitched and some things are repeated/deleted (indicated by weird jumps that don’t make sense)—ill fix any errors asap.

i hope everyone enjoyed. please lmk if you wanna be added/removed from the taglist for the next part 🫶🏻

[searenbound]

How about Bully Bakugou who loves to tug on your hair while he makes fun of you. It will make sense when I finish the drabble.

Everyday you always wear ponytails he loves to pull on you will just be minding your own business inclass but the yank your heads on his desk as he spits some insult at you. By the end of the day your ponytails are halfway out. When you finally get him to stop he starts hanging around you all the time and you start to develop a crush on him. He starts to develop one on you and you know where this is going you pine for each other for ages before Bakugou confesses one night while your alone together. One thing leads to another after the confession and your on your knees with Bakugou pulling your hair again fucking your face. You nuzzle his thigh gently as he cums down your throat and hear "Get on the bed now"

This makes me miss my long hair a little bit.

This is definitely the “well he only does it because he likes you” bull shit that’s meant to excuse his behavior instead of correcting it. A part of me is inclined to believe that it’s a little bit true.

His mom was aggressive about getting her man, it wouldn’t surprise me if he took the wrong thing away from those stories and was never corrected on it.

So when he meets you, and you just stay on his mind in the most indecent ways and he can’t even get any satisfaction out of you it pisses him off. Instead of being normal about it he started picking on you just so he can see your face looking so beautifully pathetic and dazed and hear those whines and whimpers that makes his cock twitch.

It gets so much worse when he starts pulling your hair, especially if you’re super tender headed. You gasp and your eyes look so glossy like your about to cry and he can’t help the cruel words that he spits hoping you might because he wants to see you ruined for him so badly it hurts. Or maybe that’s just because of how hard he’s gotten, either way he blames you for how mean he can be, if you weren’t so damn cute it wouldn’t be a problem.

The day you stand up to him, spitting in his face about how horrible he is and even punching him when he’s distracted is the day he learns how gorgeous you are when you find your confidence and he admires you all the more for it. He spends a lot of time trying to understand you and making up for his shitty behavior and gives you more slack. Even acts like a guard dog when he finds out others tried to pick on you too.

He learns having you truly trust him feels a lot better than bullying you ever did, but he’s still craving so much more. He spends so many nights thinking about the smile you gave him and how a stupid little bear he gifted you made you tear up and trying to hold those images in his mind when he’s touching himself wishing it was you.

He thinks there’s no way you’ll reciprocate after everything he’s put you through, he confessed just so he can try to move on. He’s blown away when you tear up and throw yourself at him in happiness, teasing you about being a crybaby before kissing you and before either of you notice your on your knees and his hands instinctively found their way into your hair.

The stinging tug is welcomed now though and when he lets you up for air and asks if this is ok and you confess that it’s a little embarrassing but you always got kinda wet when he would tug on your hair and treated you roughly, you just didn’t like how he was doing it to be cruel, you find your throat being fucked like he’d never get to do this again.

And when he tells you to get on the bed and you get a “Just like that, that’s a good little slut for me” when you put yourself in a position you think he’d like you beaming with pride and shuddering with anticipation

[musclesandhammering]

Every Single Issue I Have With S*lki (It’s Not Just The Selfcest)

Here goes. I threatened to post this a few days ago and never did, but I just saw a s*lki stan Twitter account claim that Loki caring about Sylvie more than the whole multiverse was a Good And Romantic thing and it pushed me over the fucking edge, so now you all have to read this. I’ve divided it into categories cause there’s just THAT much.

OOC Bullshit

• First and foremost, no amount of mental gymnastics you do will ever make me believe that this specific Loki- the one that just invaded New York, that just came off a year of Thanos Torture, that just got done being influenced by the sceptre, that was literally in the middle of a crisis already, and then on top of that went through all the trauma of Ep 1- would even be worried about a romantic relationship. That would be the furthest thing from his mind. Go back and watch how he acted in Avengers- you think that guy would abandon his previous mission to become a snivelling simp for a girl he’d just met 3 days prior? Yeah, there’s no universe in which that makes sense.

• “It’s very in character for Loki to fall in love with himself lololol-“ NO, it’s literally not. Out of all the characters in the mcu, I don’t think I can think of anyone that genuinely hates themselves more than Loki. He even referred to all his other male variants as “monsters” and said meeting them was “a nightmare” in this series. He’s got so much self-loathing, plus the fact that he genuinely thinks himself to be an evil backstabbing scourge- so there’s no evidence at all suggesting that he would ever develop a fondness for, or even be inclined to trust, another version of himself, after only knowing them for 3 days.

• Building on that, the whole concept of Loki falling in love with a version of himself just feeds into the annoying ass misconception that he’s a narcissist. No matter which way you stack it, he’s not. If you’re referring to NPD, he doesn’t fit the criteria, and if you’re saying “narcissist” just as a slang term meaning “selfish and arrogant”, that still doesn’t accurately describe him. But when creators like Waldron and Herron do things like having him fall in love with himself, it makes it so much easier for casual viewers to think that he is.

Shitty LGBT Rep

• It’s kinda sus that Loki’s are allegedly genderfluid and yet the only female-presenting variant we see (and apparently the only female-presenting variant there is, cause the male Loki’s all seemed unfamiliar with the concept) is treated as some kind of mind-bogglingly special paradox. Also very sus that, out of all the Loki variants, the one our Loki falls in love with just so happens to be the only female one. What a coincidence.

• The fact that the creators of the show went around bragging about Loki’s bisexuality and Marvel purposefully (lbr) allowed stories about Loki possibly having a male love interest to circulate, specifically enticing queer viewers to watch the show (you know, the definition of queerbaiting), and then instead of having a male love interest (Loki was the first queer main character, so it was the perfect opportunity) they gave us *gestures to this dumpster fire* this… it’s just a middle finger to LGBT fans. The fact that they would rather have this relationship with all its myriad of problems than have a gay relationship is just……. Very telling.

• While him being with a woman obviously doesn’t refute his bisexuality, the fact that they showed/talked about him being interested in 3 different women (flight attendant, Sylvie, Sif) and never even hinted at him being attracted to a man, definitely makes it seem like they were trying to cover up his bisexuality to smooth things over with the more homophobic viewers. You know? It’s like “I know you’re pissed that we sorta confirmed Loki as bi, so we promise we’ll never mention it again! Or even hint at it! As a matter of fact, we’ll give him lots of female lovies and make him seem as straight as possible! That’ll take your mind off of that horrible crumb of queer rep, right? Please please please keep giving us your money!!!”

• Aside from all the other issues, at its core, the biggest reason why I think I’m so irritated with s*lki is that it took one of the most interesting, complex, and diverse characters in cinema atm and squished him into a tired ass unnecessary heteronormative subplot…. Like literally every. single. other. protagonist. ever. Loki is such a unique character, and it’s so so so incredibly disappointing that they stuck him into that same boring cookie cutter romance that happens to every other character in every other movie I’ve ever seen. It’s a disservice, and it’s honestly just not compelling or entertaining at all.

Thematic Issues Galore

• His arc didn’t need a romance. With anyone. It was unnecessary and it didn’t make sense plot-wise. In fact, one of the reasons he was my fav prior to this was because he was the only big-name mcu character whose story wasn’t muddied-up by a romance that didn’t need to be there. So much for that.

• He wasn’t emotionally ready for a romantic relationship with anyone. Hell, just a genuine friendship would’ve been pushing it for him at this point. He was in such a bad state that any relationship he got into would’ve been toxic and unhealthy for both him and the other person, and it doesn’t make sense why the writers would want to put him in one when there were so many cons and essentially no pros (other than “Uwu aren’t they cute together”).

• Sylvie’s character in general was unnecessary and Loki’s character was robbed just by her being there. The whole show became about her post-Ep 2. They spent most of the time giving her backstory, building her up, telling us how awesome she is, trying to convince us to like her, etc when what they really needed to be doing was building Loki up- cause I gotta say, if I had to describe TVA!Loki in a few words, they would be Flat, Boring, and Weak.

• The romance overtakes the plot. They spend time portraying their supposed connection that could’ve been spent adding depth and complexity to literally any of the characters. They make the big Nexus Event them giving each other googly eyes on Lamentis when it could’ve been so many other way more profound things that speak to the fundamental nature of Loki’s. They have the climax of the finale be “oh no she betrayed him to kill He Who Remains” when it could’ve been something way more compelling (Loki having a moral crisis over whether or not to kill HWR, Loki contemplating the state of the multiverse and weighing the pros and cons of freedom vs order, Loki looking into some What If situations and getting emotional about what could’ve been regarding his family, Loki realising the gravity of HWR’s offer and finally coming to terms with how important he is to the universal cycle, etc etc). The entire plot suffered in favour of a romance that half of us didn’t even want.

• It essentially reduced all of Loki’s potential character growth down to “He did it for his crush.” He seemed to at least have some motivations of his own in Ep 1-2 (feeble as they were) but after Sylvie showed up in Ep 3, literally every action he took was just him being a simp for her. Why did he lie in the interrogation? To try to protect Sylvie. Why did he fight the minutemen and Timekeepers? To survive kinda, but mostly cause it was important to Sylvie. Why did he get pruned? Cause he got distracted trying to confess his crush to Sylvie. Why did he try to get out of The Void? Cause he thought Sylvie needed him. Why did he stay in The Void? Cause Sylvie was staying. Why did he try to enchant Alioth? Cause Sylvie told him to. Why did the multiverse get cracked open, leading to an infinite number of Kangs waging war on all of existence? Cause Loki didn’t wanna hurt Sylvie in their fight at the Citadel and then get distracted by her kissing him. It’s uninteresting and honestly pretty embarrassing.

• Throughout their “relationship arc” the writers do their absolute damndest to convince us that we should like Sylvie more than Loki. And you know what? It’s the most hypocritical shit I’ve ever seen. They preach and preach about how Sylvie’s life has been so difficult/we should feel bad for her/she had it so bad/poor poor sylvie/she had it SO much worse than pampered prince Loki…. But then they never even touch on any of Loki’s trauma of hardships (the ones that have been ignored for literally 3 movies now). They frame Sylvie as a good person and a Freedom Fighter after she spent literal decades/centuries mass-murdering brainwashed TVA agents and showing exactly zero remorse for it….. but then they make it their mission to constantly remind us that Loki is a terrible person and constantly put him in situations where he’s forced to acknowledge his wrongdoings/show remorse/admit to how “evil” he is for being a mass murderer for like 2 years. They show him on-screen having a wider range of powers than her, and perpetuate his whole shtick of being a “master manipulator” or whatever….. But then they make Sylvie “the brawn” more competent, intelligent, and physically capable than him. Tell me how it’s a good thing for a ship to be so narratively biased toward one character.

Missed Opportunities

• If they absolutely had to have a romance subplot, then they could’ve paired Loki with one of the characters that have already been established OR one of the characters that were a big part of the whole TVA storyline anyway. It would’ve been so interesting if they’d revealed that Loki had a history with some of the players from previous films (Sif and Fandral both come to mind). It also would’ve been really interesting if they’d given Loki a love interest that actually had some allegiance to the TVA as a whole (Mobius maybe, but not necessarily. It also could’ve been Renslayer or B-15). Hell, imo it would’ve been cool if they’d followed through with that “See you again someday” line that he said to the flight attendant in Ep 1. ALL of these characters have way more chemistry with him than Sylvie, and they were also already relevant to the plot without wasting half the show to give background info on them.

• If they absolutely had to have a hetero-presenting love story involving an enchantress-type figure, then there’s a whole Enchantress (Amora) that was actually Loki’s love interest in the comics. Plus, fans have been screaming for Amora to appear in the mcu for years. Plus, Tom literally pitched an Amora/Loki storyline way back in 2012-13. Also, Lorelei (another enchantress) is also one of Loki’s love interests in the comics, and she already exists in the mcu (she was on Agents of SHIELD). There were several different established characters for them to choose from. Creating a whole knew amalgamation of a character and going with the “she’s a Loki variant” storyline was just completely unnecessary and made no sense.

• They completely robbed us of a Chaos Twins dynamic. Had they handled Sylvie better and not forced her and Loki to smooch, the two of them could’ve had a really really complex and interesting sibling relationship. Loki could’ve stepped into Thor’s shoes and sort of used that new role to gain some self importance, and Sylvie could’ve finally had somebody to look out for her/teach her magic/be there for her. It would’ve been very aesthetically pleasing, the vibes would’ve been out of this world, it would’ve been way more profound than this bs, and frankly it would’ve been much more entertaining to watch.

• Loki’s relationship (read: obsession) with Sylvie completely overshadows all Loki’s other relationships in the show. Loki and Mobius were literally the focal point of the series in Ep 1-2, but after Sylvie showed up in Ep 3, they barely had any interactions with each other, and Mobius pretty much faded to the background entirely. Loki had the beginnings of a pretty interesting antagonistic relationship with Renslayer (with her wanting him pruned, then arguing with Mobius that he couldn’t be trusted), but after Sylvie showed up the dynamic shifted to focus on the history between her and Ravonna. Loki and B-15 started off very badly and openly disliked each other throughout Ep 1-2, and then in the end of Ep 2, Loki showed a little bit of concern for her when she was possessed, hinting that they might be inching toward a reconciliation- especially considering how obvious it was that Loki was gonna uncover the TVA’s sins eventually. There was so much potential for him to be the one to give her her memories back and convince her to change sides, but no, of course that honor went to Sylvie. In fact, after Sylvie showed up, Loki and B-15 never even spoke to each other again.

Various S*lki Fails

• If they were trying to convince us that this affection was mutual, they completely failed. There’s nothing I’ve seen that even hints at Sylvie feeling the same way about Loki that he does about her. At most, I’d say she has a slight endearment to him. She finds him likeable and she’s grudgingly fond of him, but she definitely isn’t in love with the guy. Maybe she thinks he’s cute and hopes that he gets out of this mess alright, but her mission obviously comes before him- whereas, it’s been confirmed multiple times that Loki cares about her above anything else. She doesn’t trust him, she looks at him like he’s an incompetent fool half the time, she shows little to no reaction during most of his confession moments, and she kissed him as a means to distract him so that she could get him out of her way. Look, all I’m saying is, when you get into a relationship where one of you is way more invested than the other, it never ends well.

• This goes without saying for a lot of us, but the selfcest is just straight up odd and cringey. If you’re cool with that sort of thing, fine! People can ship what they want! But don’t pretend it’s not at least a little bit uncomfortable. Yes, I know they’re not technically siblings so it’s not technically incest, and they’re also not technically the exact same person, but they’re similar enough that it makes things weird. And yes I know selfcest can’t happen in real life, so there’s no way to judge it morally, but neither can most of the other stuff that happens in these shows/movies (the Snap, Loki destroying jotunheim, superhero with powers being held accountable, mind control) and yet we still find ways to judge their morality, because they all mirror real-world events. (The snap= genocide; Loki destroying Jotunheim= bombing other countries; superhero accountability= weapons accountability; mind control= grooming and coercion). And lbr the closest real-world mirror to two versions of the same person (who may or may not share DNA, family, backgrounds, physical and emotion characteristics) being romantically involved with one another is incest. And you can be ok with that if you want- that’s your prerogative- but don’t get pissy just cause a lot of us are squicked out by it.

• The whole mirror metaphor (learning self love via each other) thing just fell completely flat. First of all, having Loki learn to love himself by looking at someone who mirrors him did not, in any way shape or form, require them to be romantically involved. But they were. Of course. Secondly, the creators have contradicted themselves so many times on whether Loki and Sylvie are the same or not, that it doesn’t even really register to the viewer that the mirroring thing was what they were going for. Finally, Loki and Sylvie are shown to have so little in common- and to have only the most bare minimum of similarities personality-wise- that it doesn’t even make sense that Loki would “learn to love himself through loving her”. Like? They’re nothing alike. So how would he make the connection that he himself is actually pretty cool, based on her alone? There’s virtually nothing in her that reflects him.

• I know the objective of the entire show was to convince us of how awesome and unique Sylvie is, but honestly her relationship with Loki just did the opposite. A hallmark of a Mary Sue is having her constantly upstage the male lead, and then having him instantly fall madly in love with her anyway. And that’s.. exactly what happened here. Everything they’re doing to try to force her character to be more stan-able is really just forcing her to look more like their self-insert OC. Which is exactly what she is. It would’ve been so much more satisfying if she didn’t have to try so hard to look cool, if they didn’t have to try so hard to make her backstory tear-inducing, if they didn’t have to turn our protagonist into a snivelling simp just to prove how incredible she supposedly is. Very much #GirlBoss energy and we all know how performative and cheap that is.

• The entire thing was too rushed, there was too little build-up, and it was nowhere near believable. As stated above, it’s ridiculously unlikely that Loki would canonically even be interested in Sylvie, and this show did nothing to explain why he was. He just suddenly was. There was nothing they showed us as viewers that would justify a guy as closed-off and preoccupied as Loki falling head-over-heels for a girl he just met. Their was no explanation, no big revelation, no reasoning, it just… kinda happened. And I’m also severely skeptical of any love story that has the characters go in this deep after only 3 45-minute episodes of exposition.

I’m sure there’s other stuff, so if anyone thinks of anything, let me know and I’ll be more than happy to add it. Tagging @janetsnakehole02 @raifenlf @natures-marvel and @brightredsunset800 for expressing interest. This is all your faults.

[v-hope]

With You

Pairing: Jeon Jeongguk x Reader

Genre: Fluff, smut, College!AU, established relationship

Word Count: 5.2k

Summary: Although trying to fight it, Jeongguk can’t help but become insecure about your relationship after your ex best friend starts filling his head with lies about you and Taehyung, his best friend who you just so happened to be out with that day. Good thing is, you’re right there with him to reassure him you want him and only him.

—Alternatively, the one in which during a heated make out session you find out your boyfriend is a virgin, and decide to help him get himself off.

Warnings: Heavy making out, light body touching (?), dry humping, confident Guk and shy/awkward Guk keep switching places, handjob, blowjob. And yup, Guk’s (still) a virgin.

A/N: Helloo, this from part 28 of my Social Media AU ‘Tiger Flower’, but I guess you can still read it if you haven’t read the full story lol. So this was supposed to be a 2k drabble like the ones I always write but I got a bit carried away 🤡 I hope you enjoy! 💕 ALSO, someone asked me to bold the beginning and ending of the smut part(s), so if you don’t wanna read the smut just look for the bolded words and skip what’s in between lol.

Running his hands through his face as the elevator’s doors opened, Jeongguk started walking through the hallway to his place, head lowered as he absently looked in his pocket for the keys to the apartment.

The conversation he had with Sooyeon was still going through his mind over and over. Although he had managed to sound confident enough through the texts they had exchanged and he had put her in her place —along with blocking her ass just like he had wanted to ever since the first time she brought you up into the conversation—, he could not deny her words did hit home.

Taehyung was definition of your type. Outgoing, talkative, funny, handsome. The life of the party, in other words. Something he was not, and something he would never be, considering he did not show up to parties at all if it wasn’t because he was either forced to by his friends or because you would be there.

Taehyung could most definitely show you a good time, whereas he, on the other hand…

No, fuck that. You were dating him. He was your boyfriend. He, Jeon Jeongguk. That was all he could find comfort in.

Then again, you were not with him right then. You were somewhere else with Taehyung. As friends, but still. And then again, just like he had a high school crush on you and found himself falling all over again three years into college, so had you with Taehyung right before dating him. Would it really be that hard for you to fall for him a third time when the two of you were still so close?

He shook his head, as if trying to shake his thoughts away. Don’t let Sooyeon get to you, Y/N’s with you for a reason. Don’t let Sooyeon get t—

“Hey…”

Before his head could keep on torturing him, your voice brought him back out of his small trance, fixing his wide doe eyes on you for two seconds before he took in his surroundings, only then realising he had already reached his apartment’s door.

Staring back at you, his eyes lit up.

“Hey,” he said softly. “What… What are you doing here?”

You shifted nervously in your place. “You sounded kinda off through texts, so I just wanted to check up on you”.

He nodded quietly, fighting the huge smile that was threatening with forming on his lips.

Because you were there. With him.

“You didn’t, um…” his eyes travelled to the door for a second before they were back on you. “Joon-ie hyung didn’t open the door for you?”

A small laugh escaped your lips at the way his eyebrows had furrowed, ready to fight his roommate for leaving you waiting out there for God knows how long. “I didn’t call on the door” you explained, causing his eyebrows to knit further together in utter confusion. “I didn’t know if you wanted me here at all, so I thought I’d just wait outside in case you wanted to be alone and asked me to g—”

Your words were cut off by a sweet kiss being pressed to your lips. Although taken aback the first second, you smiled when he cupped your face to press his mouth deeper against yours.

“What was that for?” you smiled once he pulled away, eyes still closed as you felt his nose gently bumping yours.

“I’m just happy you’re here” he breathed contently.

“That’s good to hear” you sheepishly admitted, resting your hands on his chest. “I honestly thought you would ask me to leave”.

He shook his head no, pecking your lips before he pulled you into his arms. “Don’t be silly, you know I always want to be with you”.

You took in a shaky breath, feeling all the tension you had been building up until then leave your body for good, and then wrapping your arms tightly around him as well. “Yeah, but you sounde—”

“Shh,” he hushed you, pressing a brief kiss to your neck. “I want you here”.

You let out another laugh, not only because of how happy his words made you, but because of the way he later grabbed your face once again to start peppering kisses all over it.

“Yah, Jeon Jeongguk!” you called him out in between giggles. “We’re in the middle of the hallway”.

He laughed, pecking your lips one last time before he pulled away. You just didn’t know how much it meant to him having you there with him right then when he needed you the most.

Without another word, he took his keys out of his pocket, like he had intended to minutes ago, and finally opened the door.

Stopping in his tracks, he turned around to look at you with a raised brow. “You’re coming in, right?”

You shrugged nonchalantly. “I mean, since you ask so nicely…”

Rolling his eyes at your overdramatic ways, he grabbed your hand, pulling you inside his place with him, not giving you time to even take a look around as he dragged you into his room.

“I don’t even get to say hi to Joon?” you teased as you closed the door behind you and he went to lie down on his bed.

“You can go say hi if you want” he replied simply, resting his weight on his elbows so he could properly look at you.

“Nah,” you shrugged, watching his nose scrunch up as his lips parted into a big smile when you started walking towards him. “I came to see you after all”.

“That you did” he contently affirmed, that being all he needed to let go of his intrusive thoughts.

Letting his back fall on the bed once again, he stretched his arm out on the mattress for you to go over there. Without another word, you crawled in bed with him, resting your head on his arm just like he wanted you to, scooting closer to him when his hand rested on your shoulder, and then resting yours on his chest.

“So how was work?” you tried to initiate small talk, tenderly running your fingers in circular motions from his chest to his abdomen.

The sigh that had escaped his mouth let you know not so well.

Work itself had been alright . What happened afterwards when he was heading home and Sooyeon texted him? Yeah, that had been shitty as hell.

“I blocked Sooyeon” he let you know.

Your head snapped up. “Hadn’t you already done that?”

“From Instagram, yeah” he nodded. “I blocked her phone number now. It can be a little awkward tomorrow when I see her but it’s the last day of filming, so I couldn’t care less”.

Although wanting to laugh —because, let’s be honest, that new piece of information could only bring you joy—, you ended up pouting in confusion.

“Something happened?”

“The usual,” he took in a deep breath. “She was talking shit”.

You nodded understandingly. Although wanting to know the details, you understood he didn’t really want to talk about it, for otherwise he would’ve told you by then. So, you said nothing, settling for pressing a lingering kiss to his shoulder instead.

“Is that why you were upset?” you wondered.

Jeongguk stayed quiet, both in awe at how you could tell he wasn’t feeling his best just by a couple of texts, and once again upset at the conversation he had held with Sooyeon earlier that evening.

“Kinda” he tried to shrug it off.

You puckered your lips, stopping your soothing motions on his torso and resting your palm on it instead so you could support your body up as you looked for his chocolate eyes.

“Was it because I went out with Tae?”

The way his body had tensed was all the answer you needed. However, he surprised you by shaking his head no.

“It wasn’t… I mean,” he sighed, pushing his hair back with his hand. “You guys are friends, it’s okay”.

You stared at him intently. Maybe he claimed it didn’t bother him, but his eyes right then, which remained fixed on the ceiling instead of your concerned ones, told you otherwise.

Placing your hand on his arm and giving it a light squeeze, you leaned in to briefly press your lips to his cheek. “I’m sorry,” your sincere words managed to catch his attention. “I should’ve asked if you were okay with it”.

He shook his head no immediately, sitting up and resting his back on the headboard. “You don’t need to ask for my permission to meet up with people, petal”.

“I know, but,” you shrugged, sitting up as well by his side and focusing your eyes somewhere other than his. “Everything is still kind of recent, I should’ve been more considerate of your feelings. I’m just so used to hanging out with mostly guys that I forget I have a boyfriend now and you—”

You caught on the way he had —teasingly— raised up a questioning eyebrow, making you mentally go over the words you had just said and panic once you realised how wrongly you had worded them.

“Wait, no!” you tried to correct yourself immediately, as he could no longer hold his serious semblance and started laughing. “I don’t forget I have a boyfriend, I meant that I forget you might not be very fond of—yah!” you called him out when his laugh did no longer allow your words to be heard.

“I know what you meant, petal” he reassured you, grabbing your hand and gently running his thumb on the back of it. “You look so cute when you panic”.

“Aish, you’re so annoying” you crossed your arms over your chest.

Chuckling at your cute annoyance, he took advantage of your folded arms to pull you towards him by them, having you instinctively straddle his lap after his lips collided with yours.

“You’re really okay with it then?” you asked one last time, cupping his face as he opened his eyes; watching the way they smiled right before he nodded.

He trusted you. Both you and Taehyung. He really did.

He knew the two of you were just friends. After all, he had told Taehyung it was okay for him to hang out with you from time to time back when they had The Talk. And he was truly okay with it. It was just that he couldn’t help being insecure sometimes, and Sooyeon’s words had only managed to increase that feeling.

He needed some reassurance from you, that was all.

“Just…” he licked his lips as he tried to find the right words. “You want to be with me… right?”

You answered his question with a slow, lingering kiss. One that left him aching for more, lips slightly puckered when yours left their touch. “I’m with you for a reason, bun” you cooed. “I mean, I am your girlfriend after all, am I not?”

He smiled blissfully, still feeling a wave of heat run up his body whenever that word was mentioned in reference to you, as he was not quite used to it yet. “Don’t go forgetting I’m your boyfriend then”.

Just as a light laugh escaped your mouth at his mocking remark, he entangled his fingers in the hair at the back of your head to pull you back into his lips, resting one of his hands on your lower back as you wrapped your arms around his neck the way he loved it, slightly opening your mouth to give him easier access to it.

And maybe it was the loose fabric of the oversized hoodie of his you had kept and were wearing that day, that made it so easy for his hands reach for your naked body underneath, or maybe it was just the way he had been craving you for so long, what made him dig his hands inside of it without a second thought — fingertips hesitantly tracing your skin and thumbs drawing circles on your waist for a couple of seconds before they trailed all the way up to the hem of your bra, where they stopped in their tracks and travelled to your back instead, as he didn’t want to overstep any more boundaries than he already thought he had.

Earning a small protesting whine from him when your mouth let go of his, you surprised him by digging your own hands under your hoodie and grabbing his wrists, causing a shaky break to abandon his mouth when you placed his hands on your breasts, just like that, giving him the last little push he needed to do what he was dying to.

“You can touch me all you want” you managed to say a little out of breath, not having time to feel shy at your own words under his piercing stare before his mouth was once more smashing on yours.

Enjoying the spoken consent you had just given him, he wasted no time in cupping your breasts, smiling in between your kisses at the way they felt so perfect in his hands — imagining how much softer they would feel without the lacy fabric in the way.

Letting go of one of them, he placed his hand on your bare back to pull you closer against his chest, giving the one still in his hold a firm squeeze that had you moaning against his lips.

And right then, he felt something he had not quite felt before. It was the way he felt his blood boil and the way he wanted more. He wanted to hear more of that melodic sound. He wanted more of you.

Only, the next second, it was you the one making a raspy moan come out of his mouth, when you grinded against his lap, providing him the friction he didn’t know he needed so bad.

Removing one of his hands from underneath your hoodie, he cupped one of your cheeks to keep you steady as he sucked your bottom lip into his mouth, tongue tracing its outline so you would open up. Doing as he wanted, you felt his tongue pleasantly massage yours, deciding right then you also wanted to feel his bare skin against your fingertips, not letting any other second go by before your hands were already making their way inside his black sweatshirt, feeling goosebumps form on his skin as your faint touch inevitably tickled his abdomen.

Letting go of his mouth, you planted a kiss to his jaw before making your way down to his neck, getting a gasp out of his mouth when you started sucking at the sensitive skin.

With the intention of keeping you still on his lap as your hungry lips worked on his neck, he placed both of his hands on your hips — momentarily forgetting about his own strength and ending up pulling you down roughly enough for you to unintentionally rub once more against his already hardening member.

“Fuck” he rasped, feeling you smile agains his neck before you rolled your hips one more time just to get another moan out of him.

Not letting go of your hips, if anything grabbing them tighter, he turned both of you around so he could be in control now. With your head hitting the soft pillow, and still taken aback by his sudden actions, you allowed his needy lips to attack yours once more for a while before they peppered small kisses all their way down to your neck.

“Jeongguk” you moaned when he thrusted his hips against your center.

He smiled, loving the tone his name had just came out with from your pretty lips. Wanting more of it, he did it again, going back to your mouth right in time to muffle the moan that had just escaped your mouth, as you could not be anything other than grateful at the fact he had decided to wear a pair of dark joggers that particular day, allowing you to feel his stiff member with little to no restraints.

With one hand holding onto your hip and his other one making its way back inside your hoodie and up to your breasts, he cupped one of them — his thumb giving attention to your nipple by making circular motions over the thin fabric of your bra and having you bite your bottom lip to hold back a moan.

Losing yourself into his pleasant touch, you rested your hands over his back, wrapping your legs tight around his waist, pulling his hips once more into your center. A satisfied smile curved up your lips at the way he had to let go of your mouth and buried his face in the crook of your neck to muffle the quite loud moan that had just escaped his lips — thrusting into you one more time just as you rolled your hips up to meet him there.

Breathing heavily at the ongoing friction, you let your hands travel down to the waistband of his joggers so you could pull them down and feel him up.

And although for just a second, you felt his lips abandon the spot they had been teasing on your neck — an almost inaudible gasp escaping his mouth as his body tensed up.

That was all you needed to stop.

“What happened?” you worried.

“Nothing” he was quick to try and brush it off, going back to pepper wet kisses to your neck.

“No, Guk” you lightly pushed him off you, cupping his face in your hands so he had no choice but to look at you. “If you don’t want t—”

“I want to” he stated before you could even finish your sentence.

Fuck, he wanted to.

“Then?”

Jeongguk sighed in defeat, managing to break free from your hold and letting his forehead fall to your shoulder. “It’s embarrassing…”

Your eyebrows furrowed, not understanding where he was trying to go with this at all. “You can trust me”.

He took in a deep breath. He knew he could trust you. He knew you would never make fun of him for such a thing. However, to him, his lack of experience, especially since you did have some of it, could only be something he felt insecure about.

“Bun…” you tried to reassure him, wrapping your arms around him and planting kiss after kiss to the side of his head.

“I’ve never…” his voice came out muffled as he spoke against your shoulder, making it harder for you to hear.

“What?”

“I’ve never had...” he spoke louder this time. “You know…”

He found delusional how hard it was for him to admit it. He had never really minded, to be honest. Whenever his friends teased him because of it he would just brush it off. It wasn’t that he was not interested in having sex, he was a young man with many needs after all. And it wasn’t that he didn’t feel ready either —or well, that until that evening, because it was fair to say he was freaking out now that it was you the one he was about to be with—. It was just that no one had ever caught his attention the way you had. There was never someone he felt the need to have this kind of intimacy with, until you.

That’s why, unlike with his friends, he did mind when it came to you. It was hard for him to admit it to you because, although he knew you’d understand, you could always be disappointed at his lack of experience, and it was precisely not being good enough for you what worried him the most, what had made him hesitate before.

“You’ve never… had sex?” you softly finished for him.

He nodded shamefully, and for a good couple of seconds you couldn’t believe him. Yes, he had told you once he had never been on a date, but dates are different than sex. For starters, you didn’t need to really talk during sex, which was what you knew troubled him the most about dates and just meeting people in general. Besides, with a guy as handsome as Jeongguk, you had been positive he must’ve been with someone at least once.

However, opposite to the disappointed reaction he thought you would have, he found himself relaxing under your touch when you pressed a kiss to his head.

“Gotta say I can’t believe and am kinda disappointed that no one ever tried to jump your bones before” your bold words had him laughing in a second, pinching one of your sides to call you out on them. “Seriously, bun. I mean, look at you!”

“Shut up” he mumbled, feeling his cheeks burn in embarrassment.

You chuckled, gently shoving his face with your shoulder to let him know you wanted him to look at you, making him feel at ease just by seeing the smile on your lips once he did as told. “It’s okay”.

“It is?” his voice came out uncertain.

You nodded, cupping his face. “Of course it is. I’ll wait for as long as you want me to”.

“But I want to” he pointed out embarrassingly fast, earning a light laugh from you.

“Then I’ll just wait until the moment’s right and you feel like going through with it without hesitating” you kissed his pink lips briefly — as if on cue, your heads snapping to the next room after hearing Namjoon drop something and cursing at it. “And until we’re alone and won’t risk being heard by our roommates, maybe”.

Jeongguk laughed at your last addition, leaning in to peck your lips three times. “I like the sound of that” he smiled, only for it to be erased when his eyes instinctively went down to the problem he had just been left with inside his pants. “I should probably, um…”

Your eyes followed his as they glanced down to his still hardened length. You had been too caught up on kissing him before to pay attention to it. But now, watching the outline of his erection poking through his sweatpants, you found yourself wanting more of him all over again.

“I can help you with that if you want” you couldn’t stop the words from coming out of your mouth, having his attentive eyes lock with yours in a second. “We don’t need to have sex for that”.

Jeongguk licked his lips, deep in thought over something he already knew the answer to. “Don’t feel like you have to...”

“I want to” you stated.

Simple as that, he found himself nodding — your determined eyes being the last push he needed to let go of the shyness he had suddenly been filled with and just give in to what he wanted, to what he needed.

With a smile curving up your lips, you gently stole a kiss from his mouth, sweetly pecking it a couple of times before you finally sucked on his bottom lip — a muffled moan coming out of his mouth when you gave it a teasing bite right as your hand palmed him over his pants.

“You have to be quiet” you reminded him with a light laugh. And for a second there you were kinda glad it wasn’t you the one on the receiving side, for you weren’t sure you’d be able to keep it down either at all.

Not being able to say anything in reply, he just nodded — a pretty eager nod that seemed more like one to move on from the topic already than one of agreement. Nevertheless, you had no intentions of stopping, (un)luckily for him.

Pressing another kiss to his swollen lips, you fidgeted with the waistband of his joggers just like you had intended to before. This time, he didn’t tense up, and you took that as your green light before you dug your hand in them.

“M—Fuck” he mewled when you took a hold of his cock, burying his face in the crook of your neck as you guided it out of his clothes.

Letting go of it for a second, you helped him on his back so you could sit up into a more comfortable position before wrapping your hand around it again, and right then you could’ve sworn you would never get tired of the pretty sounds that escaped his lips every time you touched him.

Gently, as you were just then discovering what it was he enjoyed the most, you started giving him a few pumps, trying to find the right pace for him and his needs.

“Baby, fuck” he breathed out, leaning his head deeper againt the pillow as he looked for some kind of support.

And it was the way he faintly thrusted his hips up into your hand, what let you know he was craving more. Not having to think twice, you sped up the pace of the way your hand moved up and down his length, tightening your hold on it just a little bit more.

“Mm… Just like that,” he let you know softly, as if suddenly remembering about the whole being-quiet-thing. “Just like that”.

“Feels good?” you wondered, enjoying the view of his furrowed eyebrows and closed eyes as he gave in to your touch.

“So good” he agreed.

Licking your lips, you stared down at his hard cock in your hand, giving it one last pump before your thumb slowly spread his precum over its tip.

“You alright with just my hand?” you asked and he was nodding before you could finish the question, which made you wonder if he had even heard it at all or was immersed enough in his own pleasure to agree to anything. “Or would you enjoy my mouth being wrapped around you better?”

His eyes opened as soon as the word ‘mouth’ was on the table, studying your face for a couple of seconds to make sure you were not playing with him in his vulnerable state. At the sight of your lustful eyes on him, however, he knew you were indeed very serious. And he’d be damned if he ever turned down such an offer.

“I want your mouth” although determined, his voice came out shakily.

Nevertheless, you were willing to comply with his wishes.

Jeongguk was on the edge of losing it when he saw you smile and make your hair out of the way right before you leaned down, removing your thumb from the tip of his cock so you could replace it with your tongue instead — a hiss escaping his mouth when you licked the traces of the precum you had just spreaded over it.

Giving him two small pumps, you allowed yourself to take him in your mouth; far from being able to take his entire length, yet enough for his body to tremble out of utter pleasure.

“Y/N…” he whimpered, fingers entangling in your hair as he desperately tried to control the overwhelming pleasure your wet mouth and tight lips wrapped around his cock were giving him.

Not once had he ever felt this good before, both your hand and mouth taking him places his hand alone could’ve never taken him to. And he was afraid he would come in your mouth anytime by then.

Pulling it out of your mouth, you threw him a small glance before you carried on — your tongue tracing all the way from the base to the tip, hearing him moan when you took him in your mouth a second time.

“Fuck, baby, you—ah,” he moaned when you swirled your tongue over his tip. “You feel so good”.

Enjoying way too much being the reason behind how good he was feeling, you decided to do him a favour and push him closer to his release for once and for all.

Slightly tightening your hold on him, you started once again moving your hand up and down his length, switching between the ministrations both your hand and mouth were applying on it, and knowing you were driving him over the edge when his hold on your hair tightened and his body trembled ever so slightly.

“Y/N…” he panted. “F-Fuck, I’m—”

His words were cut off by the heavy breath he had to take when you gave him one last particular pump, trying his best to hold on. Noticing that, you gave one of his thighs a squeeze to let him know it was okay for him to let go. And he was so desperate to reach his high right then, that your small gesture alone was all he needed to do so.

Closing his eyes, he found himself having to cover his mouth with his arm not to be too loud when his orgasm hit, feeling his warm release spreading into your mouth. Moving his hand up to cover his eyes as he came down from his high, letting himself get lost in the aftershocks of it, he missed the way you tasted his release in your mouth.

Cleaning the small stains of it left on the tip of his member, you adjusted it back inside his pants and went to lie down next to him, smiling adoringly at the way his chest moved up and down as he tried to catch his breath and tenderly removing his arm from his face, having his eyes find yours in a second.

“Was that okay?” you asked, softly removing a few strands of hair that had gotten stuck to his slightly sweaty forehead.

Jeongguk smiled incredulously, gently running his fingers through your hair to try and fix the mess he had made on it. “You even have to ask?”

And somehow that was all you needed to hear for the heat to reach your face, suddenly feeling shy at what you had just done.

Catching up on that, he pulled you into his arms, pressing a couple of kisses to your cheek before moving them to your mouth, where they remained for a little longer.

“You’re amazing” he said truthfully — the way he had said it, letting you know he did not just mean it when it came to sucking him off.

You smiled wholeheartedly. “Yah, don’t” your eyes focused somewhere else, feeling your face burn.

Jeongguk smiled sweetly, managing to draw your attention back to him by ever so tenderly caressing your cheek. Fuck, he loved you. And right then, with your eyes looking at him in a way he thought they had never when you were just friends, although unspoken, delusional even, he really felt like maybe you felt the same, too.

Tilting your face up just enough, he connected his lips with yours for what felt like the hundredth time that evening. “I’ll be good to you, too”.

You chuckled, loving the idea of it and kissing him briefly to let him know you did. You knew he would.

“When we’re alone, though. I won’t have Joon hear from me what he probably just heard from you”.

Jeongguk laughed, deciding to say nothing and instead pull you tightly into his chest and rest his chin on your head. And although he knew he might never hear the end of it from his friends, for once, he did not care what the rest had to either think or say.

[dadsbongos]

trashy dad

Movie/Game/Show: My Hero Academia Dynamic: Shota Aizawa/Reader (Platonic) Warnings: references (2) to un*s ann*s, one (1) use of (y/n), fem pronouns Summary: Shota trying to support his YouTuber daughter :) cuz social media aus own me Word Count: 2.1K ~~~

"Hey, gamers," you grin at the camera before tossing an arm over your father's shoulders, "My dad's in town and as you can see," you hesitated slightly before turning to face your father, "Dad's not super into taking care of himself. So, I figured what's better than doing a Q&A together while I do his makeup?"

"Hitoshi just did a 'what I eat in a day', didn't he?" Shota quirked a brow, already reaching back to tie up his messy, tangled hair.

"Spoilers!" you quietly whine as you open your phone, "He still has to edit it, silly man. We're gonna have to brush out your hair later, by the way."

Shota's eyes widened, "We? I thought this was your idea and video, (Y/n)."

"No," you huff, scrolling through a few of the questions from fans, "I mean it was but your hair is so… Okay, first question is from - oh my God the names - shrekslongtoe, what was my first word?"

"Are you gonna start putting makeup on me or just sit there?" Shota scratched at his nose before snickering, "That wasn't your first word. Your first word was 'Dada' and it drove Hizashi insane."

"Hizashi is my other dad, by the way," you lean over to grab your makeup bag, "'Toshi and I call him papa. Oooh, oh no," you looked up to Shota, "I don't have your shade, you're gonna look weird."

"I don't really care," the man shrugged, watching as you took out a pink beauty blender, "That looks like a buttplug."

"Don't say that!" your eyes were wide at his words while you got out your foundation, "Youtube doesn't like that."

"Whoops," he deadpanned, "Next question."

"Shit, right."

"Language."

"Japanese," you murmur, going to the next reply, "yoonbumskneecap asks, 'Did you believe in me-’ they said my name but you know, ‘and Hitoshi when they decided to become Youtubers?' And 'in 'Toshi's case - drop out of college to become a professional clout man.'"

"To be honest," Shota closed his eyes, only in slight fear, as you began pressing the foundation into his skin, "I was really worried about Hitoshi, I didn't know if he'd stay as big as he was because he's a lot like me, in the sense that people tend to not like us for our bluntness. So I was worried he'd be a meme for like a month and then people would drop him, but thankfully I was proved wrong," he opened his eyes when he felt you pull away and begin rooting through your bag once again, "With you, I was less worried because you're more like 'Zashi, i.e extremely likable, and you were kind of getting a boost from appearances on Hitoshi's channel. I still worry because the internet is a fickle mistress but I'm not staying up at night about it."

Pulling out a dark eyebrow pencil, you grin at your father, "Aww, that was kinda sweet. Not really but kind of."

"What I'm here for," Shota's eyes followed your hand as you uncapped the pencil and reached up, beginning to mark at his eyebrows, "I'm gonna read the next question while you kill my eyebrows."

"I'm not killing them!" you giggled, "But unlike Papa, you already have pretty thick, full eyebrows so I won't be here long."

"Good," he muttered before furrowing his brows in confusion, ignoring your frustrated groan, "who is daddysero and why is he asking if you pissed today?"

"What?!" you pull your dad's hand back to see what he was looking at, instantly calming down when you saw he was still on Twitter, "Oh, that's just Sero, he asks me that every time I tweet. I thought you went to my Instagram DMs," at Shota's questioning stare you grinned, "Mama's got simps in her DMs."

"Don't ever call yourself 'Mama' in my presence ever again," Shota shook his head, once again ignoring your annoyance, "papichulo46290 wants to know my favorite memory of you."

"If you mix me up with 'Toshi, I'll be so pissed," you return the eyebrow pencil to your bag as Shota speaks.

"I won't... probably," he shrugs while you root through your bag, "So, Hizashi had taken Hitoshi out for ice cream because of - has he mentioned his middle school trauma?" at your nod, he continues, "Hitoshi was having a bad day from middle school, shocking, so you and I were left home alone together. You were probably seven and you really wanted to paint my nails and I let you. You..." he shook his head, snickering, "you fucked them up. So bad. But you were so happy to just be spending time with me- "

"Keep talking, but I'm gonna do your eyeshadow," you lean back in, swishing your brush over a navy blue, almost black shade, "Just so you guys know, Dad wanted to look like shit, don't unsubscribe cuz this is gonna come out bad."

"It won't be too bad, you're talented," Shota did his best to remain still, "But overall, you were just so adorable and it didn't even matter that the smudged nails got me teased in the teacher's lounge the next day. It all came off after like a week because it was shitty polish but you get the idea."

"Aww, I didn't know you kept it on, that's so sweet," you fall back briefly to inspect your work, "It's not awful but I'm only posting this because you're my dad."

"Of course, I did," Shota continued scrolling through the questions, "A lot of people are asking if you mean Dad or Daddy, and a lot more people are asking for pictures of your feet, you should block them all."

"Yeah, I got sickos in my replies too, just gotta scroll past em'."

"Disgusting..." Shota grumbled as you moved to his other eye, "Is 'electrodick' Kaminari, perchance?"

"Unfortunately."

"Gross, he asks if you had an 'I'm not like other girls' phase," Shota hummed quietly in thought, "Maybe when you were eight for like a month, but that's probably because except for Nemuri you didn't have any women in your life. Thankfully you moved on from that pretty quickly."

"Oh yeah, that was a gross, weird time. You and Papa also weren’t shitty people so I didn’t have a lot of misogynist influence."

"I like to think we did a good job," Shota sighed, finally moving back into his slouching position when you pulled away completely, "Is 'explosionmurder' Bakugou?"

"You know it."

"Okay well, he's asking if you plan on fucking up your bronzing again?" he thinks for a moment, “Was that from when you looked kinda copper-ish in a video?

"Oh my God, that was one time, Bakugou!" you shout and shake your brush at the camera, "One time!"

"I don't even know what blending is so you're doing better than I am."

"God, how are we related?"

Without hesitation, Shota replied, "Surrogate. Which answers summerlongsock's question."

"Nice," you chuckle, setting the brush back in your bag, "You probably won't need too much bronze or countour since you're going for bad," you immediately turn to the camera, "And Bakugou isn't gonna say a fucking word about it!"

"Is eyeliner next? And if so, I would enjoy a nice wing," Shota muttered, looking through the remaining questions, "Hitoshi asks why I haven't done a video with him yet."

You nod along while uncapping the liner, "I'm curious about that too. I thought my first video with a parent would be with Papa. I was gonna say family but..." you shrug, "Hitoshi was my first video and then Eri came on."

"He never asked," Shota closed both of his eyes, allowing you to move his head around as you pleased, "You just texted me the video idea and we set it up while I was in town. If Hitoshi wants a video so bad he should come up with an idea."

"Jeez, don't bully the poor boy," you laughed quietly, carefully applying more eyeliner to your father's left lid, "We should all do a video together. I think it'd be fun."

"Come up with an idea," he replied flatly before opening his eyes, "davinky wants to know when you got into makeup. Probably after thirteen, sometime."

"Yeah, I got my first real eyeshadow at like fourteen and then you guys just enabled my love of makeup after that."

"Well, the thing with that was, Hizashi and I didn't want you growing up thinking you had to wear makeup for any reason," Shota opened his eyes once he felt you back away, blinking a few times, "So we waited till you were more mature because giving makeup to a six-year-old is weird."

Capping your eyeliner, you traded it out for mascara, "Yeah, even little play kits are a bit ehhh. Don't close your eyes, but look down."

Following instruction, Shota took the opportunity to read off another question, "I can't see the name but someone's asking what we did together for fun. While you were a kid."

Humming quietly in thought, you move from one eye to the other, "We used to go to diners a lot. Those late-night diner trips, remember?"

"Oh yeah, you were such a little demon about bedtime. I had to take you to this little place for scrambled eggs or some shit and you'd fall asleep on the way back home."

Putting away your mascara, you reach out for your hairbrush before beginning to pull out the hair tie in Shota's hair, "Mina wanted me to ask what videos you show people when they ask what your kids do for a living."

"For Hitoshi, the one where he and Kaminari made Bakugou breakfast with sex toys. For you, the one where you turn yourself into Mina's little character - with the pink skin," Shota winced slightly at the tug of your hairbrush, "And Eri's a teacher so that information comes first since it's the least strange."

As you fussed with his tangled nest of hair, you read another question over Shota's shoulder, "When did you know you loved me? Like after adopting me."

"Not too long after the adoption was finalized actually," Shota grumbled as the brush made its final courses through his hair, "You've always been a really great kid. I don't know when I 'realized' but it was definitely around the time you were born, maybe like the day after."

"That's pretty good considering I was a stranger," you giggled, brushing out the final knots in his dark hair, "A baby stranger."

"Hmm," Shota hummed in response, "You almost done?"

Refraining from rolling your eyes, you fluffed Shota's now smooth and detangled hair around his shoulders with a small smile, "I'm done. Your hair is so pretty when it's brushed out."

"I know," the man muttered, handing your phone back, "Wanna do one more question and then sign off?"

"Yeah," you scroll through some of the questions, "I want it to be the best question that's ever been asked."

"Ask your own, you're great at that."

You shook your head with furrowed brows at his comment, "Is that a compliment?"

"It was meant to be."

"Thanks, but no need, I've found one. Midoriya wants to know if raising two attention whores was hard. He didn't say ‘attention whores’ because he doesn't swear but that's the vibe."

"What's Midoriya's at?" Shota asked.

"SmallMight."

"Of course," the man grumbled, closing his eyes to think, "You two were honestly pretty easy to raise. Not a whole lot of fits compared to what I've heard other parents talk about. You both liked to talk a lot to each other, and, of course, to Hizashi and me. Not terribly difficult at all."

"Aww, I'm glad we didn't make you pull your hair out," you grin.

"Oh, you still did. Absolutely."

"Nice," you giggle before turning off your phone and facing the camera, "Okay guys, well, I hope you don't clown on me as much as usual because if you do, my dad will... I don't know… kick your ass."

"Exactly," Shota nodded, a horrific smile on his face, "I'll beam right into your living room."

"Hopefully you guys come back next week where I'll..." floundering for an answer, you turn to your dad as if he’d give you ideas, "Create wings to do it better than Icarus ever could."

Giving a singular stiff nod, Shota looked dead at the camera, "I'd watch it."

"You heard it from the main man himself, peeps," you waved to the camera, Shota copying the motion, “Bye!”

"If there's one comment about my eyebags, I'm never coming on your channel again," Shota lied as you leaned over to stop recording.

"They're gonna love you, I'm sure," you assure your father, "Wanna see how I edit?"

"God no, Hitoshi showed me how long it takes to edit his videos, it looks like hell."

[lilcapsicle]

I still love you S.R

Summary: Y/n believed Steve stopped loving her - so she wants to leave

Warnings: language, slight angst to fluff (kinda) tbh it’s a shitty story, but I wanted to upload anyways, Not proofread

A/N: My summaries suck. ‘M Sorryyy

you watched Steve and Sharon talking and laughing. His eyes lit up as she giggled and put her hand onto his chest. He didn’t love you anymore. You noticed a while ago, but you didn’t want to believe it. A heavy sigh left your body and you sadly left the room. Why would Steve still be with you if he clearly loves Sharon? You didn’t understand and decided you have to break up with the love of your life for your own sake. Your heart shattered more and more each day and each moment you saw them happily together, while he showed you the cold shoulder. Did he even noticed you were still there? That you existed? You threw yourself onto the bed in your shared bedroom and your nostrils were immediately filled with his magnificent scent. Silent tears left your eyes. Your heart ached. You cried for a while and then decided you have to leave the compound right now or you would never have the courage to. You started packing your belongings, your sight still blurred by your tears. You just could’ve imagine how bad you must’ve looked. You were almost done packing as the door opened and Steve came whistling into the room. More tears filled your eyes and you didn’t dare to look his way. You stubbornly continued packing and ignored his presence. Steve stopped in his tracks as he noticed what you were doing. His heart began to pound into his chest and angst filled his body. “Babygirl, what are you doing?”, he asked scared and carefully. You kept ignoring him and closed your suitcase. You picked it up and looked him in the eyes. “It’s over, Steve.” Your voice broke but you didn’t care at all. Dumbfounded, he stared at you with his mouth hung open. He reached you with fast steps and took the case out of your hand. “No, you are not leaving me without at least explaining!” He said sternly. “Don’t you love me anymore?” he added quietly. You shook your head. “No, Steve. I love you more than anything and that is exactly the reason why I need to leave. Now, please let me go” You couldn’t hold his stare and looked at the floor. “I don’t understand. Why do you wanna leave if you love me I thought we were good?” a dry laugh left your throat. “Good? You thought we were good? Are you fucking kidding me right now, Steve? We weren’t good for a long time now!” “What do you mean?” He looked at you confused. “For fuck sake, I know you love her, okay?! And it fucking kills me. You look at her the way you looked at me. You hold her on movie night the way you held me, Steve. I know you don’t love me anymore.” Fresh hot tears ran over your cheeks and sobs left you. You tried to snatch your suitcase out of Steve’s grip but he pulled away. “I don’t love anyone but you, y/n! I don’t even know who you’re talking about?” “Then why the fuck are you keep ignoring me? Why do you show Sharon more love and more attention than you show me?” Your crying broke Steve’s heart. He hadn’t noticed what he had done. He didn’t want to hurt you or give you the feeling of being unloved, because hell how he loved you. He pulled you into his chest. “I am so so sorry, doll. You are the only one I want and the only one I will ever love. Sharon and I are just friends- I swear! I- good god, she’s not even my type! I mean did you see her and then you? Y/n I fucking love you and only you!” He took your face in his hands and put kisses all over your face. You tried to squirm away but he held you tightly. With a sigh you gave in and snuggled into his touch. After his kiss treatment he hugged you tight and carried you to your bed. Softly he laid you down and cuddled you up against his side. “Please don’t leave me...I can’t live without you, you’re my everything. I love you so fucking much, doll. Please forgive me how I’ve treated you” He whispered into your hair. His voice sounded broken “I love you too, Stevie, so so much and will forgive you.” You mumbled into his chest, then lifted your head and looked him directly into his eyes. “But you have to stop ignoring me. Show me I’M your girlfriend and not Sharon, okay?” He nodded immediately. “You’re mine and I will never let you go or let you feel this way. I am so sorry” He looked you sad in the eyes. You kissed softly his lips which he eagerly returned. The kiss intensified and you could feel all the emotions. The love. The hurting. The desperation. Everything. After it got hard to breathe you both pulled away. Your hand was in his hair and lightly scratched his scalp. “I’m still hurt though. You have to make up a few things.” I know baby, and I will. Believe me” You smiled at each other and shared another kiss. “Oh and cap?” He raised an eyebrow “Cap?!” You nodded and smiled toothly “Yeah, language” 

[eideticmemory]

TWO GHOSTS IV | MATTHEW GUBLER

It’s been 15 years. 15 years has to be long enough . . . right? Read PART 3.

Set 15 years after the end of Ever Since New York, so give that a read first!

Word Count: 3.9k.

Warning: Usual angst, porn, and poor communication amongst characters.

SOUNDTRACK:

Love Affair - UMI

Debt - Eliza McLamb

Sometimes Sunshine - Seasalt

A nonstop flight, from New York City to Los Angeles, is three hours long. On a good day. And May 16 was supposed to be a good day. A great day. The best day of Matthew’s life. He tries not to think about it, not to reminisce too often. About the way he walked through the airport with a little jog, a little pep in his step. And the way he smiled through security, and constantly checked behind him as if you would magically appear. The roses he bought for you in a gift shop near the terminal.

See, a nonstop flight from New York City to Los Angeles is three hours long. On a good day. But Matthew wasn’t looking for three hours. He wasn’t asking you for a few hours of your time, or even a good day. He was asking you for a lifetime.

And that day, he had booked you two a connecting flight that totaled over six hours, with a two hour layover in Colorado. There was a little ice cream shop in the Denver airport, and they served blueberry ice cream. Matthew remembered it was your favorite, and saved just enough money to get your tickets and an entire pint. He couldn’t shake the thought of flying across the country with you, seeing a few small parts of it at a time. A few small parts at a time, until someday, you two had seen the whole world together.

He bought a blanket for you and, while waiting at the terminal, he sat it in the seat beside him, keeping it warm for when you would arrive. He had a little itinerary written in his notes app, and so far everything was going to plan. He had a bouquet of roses in his lap, and he killed time by looking up engagement rings online.

He didn’t start to worry until maybe, an hour, an hour and a half before the plane was set to depart. He called you, just to check in, and it went straight to voicemail. But he was still hopeful. There was very little that could destroy his peace that day. His hope. His happiness.

He tries not to think about it. The way the seconds inched by like a caterpillar moving across the limb of a tree. Slowly, painfully. The way his hope dwindled, and dwindled, and the insane amount of times he heard,

Hey, it’s [y/n]! Leave a message!

He can’t think about it anymore. The way he spents those six hours alone. Bawling his way through flight after flight, and eating a pint of blueberry ice cream by himself. He spent hours on his own. And weeks, months, hell, he spent years thinking that maybe, just maybe, you would find your way back to him.That the universe would magically correct itself.

And you’d come home.

Fifteen.

It took him fifteen years to find you again. It took fifteen years for the universe to bring you back together, and Matthew spent the first five thinking it was all some really shitty nightmare. It took him fifteen years to get close to you, to hear you say his name again, to get inside of you again.

And he managed to fuck it all up in a matter of twenty-four hours.

His body is paralyzed. His mind is moving a mile a minute, and he can’t take his eyes off the ceiling. His chest feels tight, like he can’t breathe properly. He knows he should not feel sorry for himself. That he, alone, is responsible for this wreck. But he can’t seem to shake it. He can’t seem to move.

“What the hell did I do?”

A knock at your door wakes you up. You don’t remember falling asleep, you don’t know how you were able to. But now, it’s all you want to do. You want to stay in the bed, in a state of unconsciousness and dreariness where you can’t remember your mistakes. But someone is knocking. Incessantly, loudly. And they won’t stop.

You roll out of bed, and drag your body across the floor. Zombie like, your shoulders are slouched, your eyes are hooded. Your feet shuffle along the floor like they’re weighted to the hardwood. Your footsteps are slow, hesitant. You don’t know what you’ll do if Matthew is on the other side of that door. You just . . . you don’t know. The very thought of it is making your stomach churn, and you suddenly feel very, very nauseous. The banging continues, and it’s as someone is using all their force. Like they’d break the door down if they could.

“[y/n]!”

You instantly relax at the sound of her voice. You speed up, hurry to the door, “[y/n] [y/l/n]! I know you can hear me! Open up!”

The door swings open and you catch her with her fist in the air, ready to strike the door once again. She’s pissed, doesn’t try to hide it, couldn’t hide it even if she tried.

“Good morning,” you rasp.

“It’s one in the afternoon,” she corrects you, pushing her way into your home.

“Please,” you say, shutting the door behind her. “Come on in.”

“Y’know,” Everest starts, clasping her hands in front of her as a wild look graces her face. “You’ve always been one of the good ones . . . hell, you’ve been . . . great, if that’s the word. You’re better than the others. The ones that really write my checks. But, um, you’re testing me, [y/n].”

You don’t even have to ask.

“Now, if there’s is some magical relationship blooming, or a monumental disaster about to strike, then you need to tell me now, so I can fix it. I’m a fixer, you know, that’s what I do. So, why are you making this so hard for me?”

“If it . . .” you clear your throat, cross your arms as you stare at her feet. “If it makes you feel any better, um, this is hard for me, too.” You attempt to joke. But you just sound sad.

“Yeah?” she raises her eyebrows. “So hard that you come out of his hotel in tears? And what the hell were you doing over there anyway? Was there a plan? Did he call you to come over?”

“I don’t see how any of this matters.”

“It matters because I woke up at seven in the morning — on a saturday — to all sorts of choas and speculation, and picture evidence of you doing exactly what I told you not to do!”

“Yeah, well, I’m a idiot. Don’t worry, that’s been established.”

“The internet is undefeated. Okay? People are . . . great at making up stories, making assumptions. And as your publicist, I need to know the whole story, the real story, before it gets twisted even further.”

You sigh, and walk over to the couch. As you sit down, you pull a pillow into your lap for just a little bit of comfort. “What do you mean the whole story?”

“Wrong choice of words,” Everest says. “The important parts of the whole story. Like are you dating him? Are you fucking him? If so, how long has this been going on?”

You can’t make eye contact as you speak, “I . . . fucked . . . him . . . a few times, a long time ago . . .”

She nods. She motions at you to continue, “. . . And?”

“And . . .” you breathe out. “I fucked him, again. Recently.”

“Last night? At the hotel?”

“Last night . . . not at the hotel.”

“Sooo, when? — Oh, my God,” she lowers her eyebrows at you, purses her lips. “You didn’t.”

“Oh, I did,” you nod. It’s a shameful nod. “You know they say there’s no sex like sex in a dressing room.”

“They also say polka dots are making a comeback, you believe everything you hear?”

“Sorry.”

“So you fuck him in the dressing room, and?”

“And . . . we go our seperate ways . . . again. And, then I realize that’s a lot easier said then done, so I . . . I go for him. I go for him . . .” Everest can hear the way your voice is cracking, the way the weight on your shoulder is slowly pushing the air out of your lungs. “And, uh,” you clear your throat. “Yeah. Yeah, it didn’t work out. Hence the . . . photos of me crying, I guess.”

“Mm,” she nods, crosses her arms. “And the other girl?”

You freeze, cut your head up at her. “What other girl?”

“What do you mean? The girls that came out right behind you. Same sad face? Kinda got a Natalie Portman look to her?”

“I . . .” you shake your head. “I didn’t know she came out after me, I must have left by then.”

“Who is she?”

You give her a shrug, “I don’t know.”

“His girlfriend?”

You huff, “Guess so.”

“Ah, so, some people online actually got it right. Huh, look at that.”

“Look, if the point of all of this is to keep me away from him, you can stop now. I don’t plan on seeing him ever again.”

The doorbell rings, as if on queue, and Everest instantly gives you a look. “What?” you ask. “I don’t know who it is. Your guess is as good as mine.”

She scoffs at you, and turns around, marching towards the door with a certain determination. She pulls it open, and immediately puts her hand on her hip. “You gotta be fucking kidding me.”

“Oh,” Matthew gasps. “Uh, oh . . . fuck . . . sorry, I must — I must have the wrong house.”

“You sure do, Romeo.”

You stand from the couch, your face laced with shock and anger and confusion, “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Don’t engage, [y/n], what the hell?” Everest interjects.

You roll your eyes and cross your arms over your chest. “How the hell did you find my house?” you direct at Matthew.

“Oh, what?” he scoffs. “Like you’re the only one around here who can play stalker?”

“Go home, Matthew.”

“Five minutes. I’m asking you for five minutes. You can time me if you want.”

“Go back to California, Matthew.”

“Look, I know I fucked up. I know, but —“

“Do you?” you snap. You take slow, calculated steps towards the front door, and your voice is lowering to a rumble. “Do you know that you fucked up? Because, if you did, if you truly knew just how badly you fucked up, then you would leave. You would get on a fucking plane and leave, and you would never come back!”

The way Matthew is looking at you right now.Like he can’t fathom what’s happening. Like he is trying his very best not to feel defeated. “Can I . . . can I just —“

“No.” Everest says. “You heard her. Fuck off, string bean.”

You walk away, retiring to your kitchen. You try to keep yourself busy, but you’re trembling like mad and you can barely breathe.

Matthew leaves. You know because you hear the door close. Everest comes into the kitchen, and you feel stuck. Frozen to the spot and position you’re in. Your back is to her, and you can’t begin to imagine or guess what look is on her face right now.

She’s quiet for a moment, eyeing you with her arms crossed at her chest. She leans against the entryway and sighs, “Tell me more.”

Ramona walks up your driveway, and it isn’t until she looks up from her phone that she sees Matthew. She notices him, and he notices her, and Ramona tries to act like it didn’t happen, But when Matthew opens his mouth to speak, she blows past him, “I’m not supposed to talk to you.”

“I know,” he says instantly. He is well aware, but it doesn’t stop him from running in front of her, blocking her from your front door. “I know, I know. I’m sorry, but . . . please, can you give this [y/n]?”

Matthew holds out an envelope. It’s bright red, your name is printed on the front of it in his handwriting.

Ramona glances at it, but she quickly glances back up, “Do I look like a mailman to you?”

“She won’t take it from me. She won’t talk to me. She might take it from you.”

“Yeah, or she might fire me for even taking it from you in the first place.”

“[y/n] wouldn’t do that.”

“Yeah, yeah, she’s usually pretty amazing, except for when you’re around, or when you’re brought up, or when you’re fucking with her head. You make her a different person, dude. I want no part of it.”

He nods, looks down, “Fair enough . . . I’ll put it in her mailbox.”

“Yeah, why don’t you do that?” She shrugs, and she continues on by him.

“Damn . . .” Everest says. “You ghosted the guy at the airport?”

“Basically,” you shrug.

“Well, fuck,” she scoffs. “That is some serious great gatsby shit.”

“Yeah, we’ve always had a flair for the dramatic.”

The doorbell rings, and you both turn your heads sharply towards the entrance. “You don’t think he would come back, do you?” Everest asks as she walks to the door.

“Well, he never listens much to anything I say, but he’s probably a little scared of you.”

She laughs, and when she opens the door, she tells you it’s only Ramona, who walks in quickly, looking for you. She gives you a soft smile, and joins you in the kitchen as Everest follows close behind.

“So,” Ramona pips. “What’s the game plan?”

“You and [y/n] come to my office in the city and we’ll figure it out. Hey, did you pass him on your way out?” Everest asks her.

“Uh, who?”

“Matthew,” you tell her. “He was just here, you didn’t see him?”

“He was here?” Ramona questions, putting on a look of bewilderment. “When?”

“Just now. He left right before you got here.” Everest explains.

“Holy shit,” Ramona says. “What’d he want?”

“[y/n].”

“So,” you interrupt. “Your office? Now? We can go ahead and get going.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Everest stops you in your tracks, throwing her hands up. “Not so fast, you . . . you need to shower first.”

You look down at your outfit. You’re still dressed in Claire’s clothes and they’re completely disheveled. You haven’t showered or brushed your teeth since the last time you had sex, and the very thought makes you feel dirty. You look exactly how you feel. You sigh, “Fair enough.”

“We’ll wait in the car,” Everest nods, and motions to Ramona to follow her.

“What are we gonna do with her?” she says to Ramona as soon as they’re out of the house and walking down the driveway.

“I don’t know, she’s my boss . . . I can only help so much.”

“Yeah, well, I’ve known [y/n] for a long time now, and she’s never needed saving. But, something tells me we’re going to have to keep her away from this one.”

“From Matthew?” Ramona stops in her tracks.

“Well,” Everest stops, turns around to look at her. “She’s a grown woman. She’ll do what she wants. But, that zombie in there,” she motions to the house. “Who walks around the city in her pajamas for a man, is not [y/n]. Atleast, not the world’s [y/n]. People love her. She’s one of the few celebrities that’s kind and passionate and isn’t problematic. I’m just being proactive here.”

“Proactive?”

“She says she’s done with him. She told him she’s done with him. Now, we will just keep her on that path. Few months later, she and the rest of the world forget this ever happened and everything is back to normal.”

“You sound very sure of all of this.”

“Yeah, well, I like my schedules and I happen to like [y/n] so I better be sure. Come on, our ride’s further down the driveway,” Everest continues walking. While Ramona is stuck in place.

“Hey! Uh,” Ramona stutters, suddenly, loudly, causing Everest to turn around once again. “I think I left my water bottle in the house. I’ll meet you in the car?”

“Okay,” Everest eyes her. “It’s just around the corner. And tell [y/n] to hurry up.”

“I will!”

Ramona waits for Everest to continue down the driveway, and when she’s just far enough, Ramona turns around and acts as if she’s walking back up to your front door. When she’s positive Everest has made it to the car, she runs over to your mailbox. She opens it slowly, so it doesn’t creak as loud. The bright red envelope is the only thing in there, and she takes it out quickly. She looks at it for a moment, asks herself what the hell she’s doing. But she doesn’t have time to think right now, you could walk out at any moment. She closes your mailbox, shoves the envelope in her bag, and walks down the driveway.

Matthew Gubler, himself, is a disruption in the space-time continuum.

When you start tallying up the days, it just doesn’t make sense. Some days, every second feels like it’s crawling by. You’ll be in class, at the head of the class, and you’re surprised when your lesson plan ends atleast ten minutes early. And some days, time moves too fast. You find yourself running late for things, events, important people or things, which isn’t like you.

You call it Matthew Brain, and you keep that term to yourself. It happened fifteen years ago. And it’s happening now. It’s a slow, steady descent back to earth, back to reality. Time isn’t real with him, and you think that’s the reason you can’t remember much of your senior year. It’s a rush, a high to even be near him, and it’s the ultimate collapse when he’s gone. Really gone. Out of the life, for the second time.

Time has reset.

And what feels like one month with Matthew Gubler, only turns out to be four days.

You’re on a journey back to earth, and you haven’t even reached the bottom yet. It’s coming, but not now, you thought. You have time to prepare. And this time you’ll be ready. Ready to hit rock bottom, and spend another fifteen years digging yourself out. You have time, you’re sure of it.

Then Ramona comes into your office. She notices you crying, and you have to twirl around in your chair while you wipe the tears away. “Shit, Ro,” you try to laugh. “What’s up?”

“Uh, your afternoon class?” she reminds you. “With the girls at the community center? . . . What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

A lot. Not anything that you can really talk to Ramona about. And each day is something different. Like today, you’re feeling like a fucking idiot. You feel unbelievably stupid and lost and question why anyone in their right mind would choose to learn anything from you. You feel defeated, and you can’t get the look on that girl’s face out of your head.

You turn to Ramona with a soft smile, “I’m fine. I forgot about the class, thank you for reminding me. I just have to grab a few things before I go.”

“Well,” she sets her bag down in one of the chairs on the opposite side of your desk. She takes a seat in the other, “You’ve got some time, I haven’t even called the ride yet.”

You eye her, suspicious furrowing your eyebrows, “Oh, don’t do that.”

“Do what?” she seems genuinely confused.

“Sit there and feel sorry for me. I don’t need pity. I’m alright.”

“I’ve never seen you cry before . . . I’m just worried.”

“And I appreciate that, kid, I really do. But you don’t have to be, alright?”

“. . . okay.” she shrugs.

“Anyways,” you change the subject. “How much time do I have until I’ve gotta be out of here?”

“Um, I can call you a ride now, it should be here in about, ten minutes?” Ramona pulls her phone from her pocket, and holds it up as she dials the number.

“Sounds good,” you nod.

She leaves the room to make the call, and when she closes the door, you release a big sigh. As if you’d been holding it in the whole time she was here. You get up from your chair, and walk around the desk. Not paying attention, you stub your toe into the adjacent chair, so hard that the chair falls to the ground.

“Ow! Son of a b—“ your yelp is cut off by a painful groan, and your reach down to hold your foot. You look out in front of you, and Ramona’s entire bag has spilled out across the floor. “Fuck,” you mumble and instantly begin to clean it up.

It’s bright red. And it sticks out like a sore thumb. You reach over to grab it, but only because you recognized his hand writing. You run your fingers over your name, and your head is starting to hurt from the amount of pure confusion.

The door swings open, “Okay, they’ll be here in fifteen, but you have some wiggle room —“ Ramona stops when she sees the item in your hand.

You stand up straight, look her in the eye. She’s shaking. She’s trembling, and there are already tears in her eyes.

“I . . . can explain,” she says.

“Then explain.”

“Matthew . . . wanted me to — to give that to you.”

“When?”

“When, um, when he was at your house on Saturday.”

“You said you didn’t see him. You acted like you didn’t even know he had been there. You took this from him?” your voice goes up at slight octave. Not by much, but it stills cuts Ramona like a knife.

“No! No, I didn’t take it from him. I told him to put it in the mailbox. Which he did, but then I . . .”

“You? You what? Went into my mailbox and took it? Are you kidding?”

“It was crazy! I know! It was absolutely insane of me! But—But Everest was saying all these things about protecting your image, and being proactive, I just wanted to help. I thought —“

“Everest? Everest knew about this?”

“No. No. I took it when she wasn’t looking, and I just, I thought maybe if you didn’t know about the letter, you would be able to move on, y’know? Heal.”

“That was not your decision to make.”

“I know. [y/n], I’m so sorry. I can’t — I can’t even begin —“

“You’re right,” you interrupt her. “You can’t.”

You look down at the envelope in your hands, and shake your head. “God, Ro, I can barely look at you right now.”

“I’m sorry . . .”

You nod.

“I’ll . . . go wait for the car,” she nods, sadly and apologetically exiting the room.

You close the door behind her, and press your back against it. You slide to the floor, and bring the evelope close to your face. The day is not over, and you may need all night to take this in. You are not mentally prepared for whatever is in your hands, but, you rip it open anyway.

There’s a thin piece of paper inside. You pick it up, and it feels so frail that you worry it might rip. You set it on top of the envelope, and examine it. Your eyes dot over the page, until you realize, it’s not a letter at all.

American Airlines

[y/n] [y/l/n]

Seat: 14A

May Sixteenth, 2002

It’s a plane ticket. From fifteen years ago.

One you’ve never seen.

One you’ve never touched.

And now that it’s in your hands, you wish you never knew it existed.

[multifandhoem]

server collab || ii

Server Collab from the Haikyuu HQ server with the prompt: “Guess I‘ll just have to cum inside you.“

The masterlist for the whole collab is here!

Genre: fluff, smut

Warnings: slight SPOILER (it‘s really really small), smut obviously, little bit of public stuff if you count it as such, slight breeding kink, wedding sex, lot‘s of fluff

Word count: 3292

“I still remember when Iwa-chan told me, how he embarrassed himself in front of a cute girl and hoped he would never see her again to not relive the existential dread he felt at that moment. And then he told me he met her again and she laughed over the mishap and they were going to get coffee next week.”

-*-*-*-*-*-*

“I am so sorry.” His face was red, head bowed down in embarrassment, but you could still see it at the tip of his ears.

“It’s okay, it wasn’t like you were a stalker or something.” You were giggling a bit at the state he was in. “On top of that it is kinda my fault, I should’ve closed the curtains or something.” He slowly raised himself again, face still scrunched up in discomfort. He really looked like he was in horrendous pain and it was kinda your fault. “Please don’t beat yourself up over it. I’ll treat you to coffee, to make you feel better, when are you free?”

Maybe the fact that he was a looker made you act a bit more open towards him than usual, but you genuinely felt bad for him. He was obviously beating himself up over that accident a couple of days ago.

You had realised fast that you could look from your window right into the room on the other side of the street, which was why you invested in curtains pretty early. But apparently, you had forgotten to close them this time, so when you turned around shirtless and made eye contact with a man, you were both equally surprised. He looked mortified and you couldn’t even blink when he suddenly dropped to the floor, now hidden from your wide eyes.

Your body reacted, even though he probably couldn’t see you anymore, shielding your breasts with one arm, the other hastily closing the curtains. After the initial shock wore off you couldn’t help but giggle a bit. Why did he just drop to the floor? He could’ve turned around or something.

-*-*-*-*-*-*

Next to you, Hajime buried his face in his hands, but the large grin that had adorned his face for the whole evening was still there. Tooru waited a bit until the laughter calmed down until he continued.

“When I came back from Argentina for a visit she was already his girlfriend of five months. And when I saw Iwa-chan I knew that she would probably stick around for longer. You know, Iwa-chan is a very violent person-“ “Only towards shitty people!” You knew he couldn’t have let that jab just go by, but Tooru professionally ignored him.

“but with her, he was very soft, always touching her in some way. Sometimes touching too much. Don’t think we forgot the trip to the cabin!” He scoldingly wiggled his finger towards you, accompanied by Makki’s and Mattsun’s affirming but still scandalised shouts.

-*-*-*-*-*-*

“We gotta be quick, Haji.” His lips were hot on your collarbones, fingers already dipping under your shirt, quickly pulling it over your head. “I know, they will wonder where we are.”

You had excused yourself for a second from the movie the others had put on. It was the first time this day where there weren’t two other people in the room with you, everybody being huddled in the living room of the small cabin where you resided for the weekend. With two bedrooms shared between the six of you and one big room that functioned as kitchen, living and dining room, there was never space for some alone time, which you were desperate to have after your boyfriend strutted around you shirtless the whole day. It should be illegal for someone as fine as he was to do such things.

Foreplay had to be postponed for the next time, you had little time until the others would grow suspicious. “No need, I can take you.”

You pulled his fingers out of your entrance, desperate to just feel his cock in you. He chuckled at your eagerness, pushing his sweatpants down until his cock sprung free, already hard and leaking. Apparently, you weren’t the only sexually frustrated one.

“Fuck,” you breathed out when he buried himself in you with one stroke.

“Quiet, baby.” His lips found yours stifling your small moans as he began moving his hips.

Breathless gasped and small moans soon filled the room, occasionally accompanied by the sound of skin slapping, when Hajime couldn’t stop his hips before they met yours. “I’m close,” you whimpered as he began rubbing your clit and he shot you a breathless smile and pressed a small kiss to your lips. “Bite something when you come,” he said quietly, thrusts becoming a bit more erratic.

“Disgusting!” Loud banging on the door interrupted you and Hajime let out a string of curses. “If you already know then don’t go interrupting, Shittykawa!” Not having to hide anymore his hips finally snapped into yours, using the full capacity of his strength to make you moan against his shoulder.

Unfortunately, the orgasm you experienced didn’t lessen the embarrassment when you faced the others again.

-*-*-*-*-*-*

It was your turn to hang your head in shame, trying not to meet your parents’ eyes, who were seated next to you. Or worse, Hajime’s parents.

Tooru chuckled at your misery, before continuing.

“To be honest, I wasn’t that surprised when Iwa-chan called me and told me he would send me pictures of rings and I should help him decide. He obviously forgot timezones since it was 2am for me and I first thought somebody had died, but after promising to make me best man I obviously forgave him.” The guests laughed again and Tooru took a well-rehearsed break.

“I don’t think I have seen Iwa-chan as nervous as when he was rehearsing his proposal through me via Skype. I told him it was good, even though he was a stammering mess. But the thing about those two over there is that they calm each other down. So I knew, when the moment would come, everything would go swimmingly. I saw the way they looked at each other, there was no way she would say no.”

-*-*-*-*-*-*

“What are you planning?” You were chuckling, when Hajime lead you through the small house on the outskirts of Tokyo you two had purchased together when it was safe that he was staying in Japan with his work. “Let me surprise you, woman, and stop asking.” You could hear the amusement in his voice and it made your heart bloom. After all these years together he still made you feel like you were going on your first date. And he probably always would.

“Small step, be careful.”

You felt the ground changing from the hardwood floor to a rougher and colder one, showing you that you were now outside on the small terrace. You didn’t have to wonder for long, what he was planning when he carefully pulled the blindfold off your face. The first thing you saw was him.

But it was enough. He was smiling at you, his eyes radiating love. You couldn’t help but snaking your arms around his neck, to press a kiss to his lips. “You look so handsome. I love you.”

Hajime in a suit was something you had the pleasure of seeing a couple of times, but it still caught you off guard how someone could look this good.

“You haven’t even looked around, idiot,” He chuckled but still laid his arms around you to tug you towards him to kiss you again. After that he still forced you to turn around, to take a look at what he conjured in the last couple of hours.

The small garden you had behind your house was completely transformed, fairy lights making the faint evening glow even more magical.

“It’s beautiful.” The words were soft, Hajime wouldn’t have heard them if he wasn’t standing this close to you. “All for you, baby. I love you. I just thought, maybe we could sit on the blanket, maybe drink a bit of wine and just talk, you know?” His voice was laced with nervousness, even if he wasn’t even sure why. He knew you would like what he did. He went through your Pinterest boards and they were loaded with fairy lights, clinking classes, kisses shared under the faint glow. “That sounds perfect. What’s the occasion? I haven’t forgotten anything, right?” He laughed out loud at your nervousness. “No, babe, you haven’t. I just wanted to do something for you.”

His smile was so pure, filled with raw emotion, you had to kiss him again, putting as much passion as possible into the kiss. “Thank you, Hajime. I love you so much. I can’t believe I got so lucky.”

Your eyes were a bit wetter than usual and you hastily blinked the tears away, smiling at your boyfriend, ready to have a magical evening.

He really had everything prepared. Next to the blanket, a small cooler with a bottle of rosé laid, together with two glasses for you. His phone played soft instrumental music in the background, as you settled yourself against his chest, occasionally sipping at your wine, reminiscing about the past years, wishing for the future ones.

“Hey, move for a second, my leg’s fallen asleep.” A small tug of his leg under you made you sit up, while he fixed his posture, both of you now sitting upright in front of each other.

“Sorry, about that. Do you want to stand up for a bit to move it?” His eyes twinkled with amusement as he tugged you back down when you already wanted to stand up.

A shaky breath escaped him. So this was it. “Y/N, baby, I love you. So much, you can’t even imagine. You’ve been with me for the past couple of years and I honestly can’t wait for the future, if you’re by my side.” He paused for a second, hand slipping into his pocket. “Hajime.” Tears were already welling up in your eyes before he even managed to pull the ring out of his pocket, that he and Tooru had chosen so diligently a couple months prior.

“Will you marry me?”

-*-*-*-*-*-*

“Those two, right there, are a great couple if I’ve ever seen one. I actually can’t imagine a better partner for my Iwa-chan. Hajime. I’ve seen you grow up. I’ve been growing up alongside you and, dare I say, we’ve both become pretty great.” Tooru chuckled a bit, but everyone could hear his voice wavering, as his eyes were fixated on his best friend.

“I can’t express how happy I am, to still have you in my life, to now seeing you maturing into this great man who is inspiring others in everything he does. Seeing you enter this new part of your life, with this great woman in my life warms my heart. And you deserve nothing less. A toast to you. A toast to your future, Mr. and Mrs. Iwaizumi.” He raised his glass to you, a big smile on his face.

If he weren’t sitting right across from you, you would’ve missed the small tears rolling down his face. The guests around you all raised their glasses to towards you, everyone touched by Tooru’s speech.

But nobody came close to Hajime, who was clenching your hand in his’ tightly, tears welling up in his eyes, before he strode over to his friend, tightly embracing him.

You couldn’t hear what words were exchanged as tears fell and people smiled at the pair. Every guest at your wedding knew about Hajime and Tooru. The best friends, the best partners, who have been with each other since they were about five years old. Who only see each other every couple of months, partners technically becoming rivals.

When your husband came back to you his eyes were puffy, some tears still escaping, but the happiest smile on his face. Tooru hugged you too, wishing you good luck for your future, making a small joke about becoming an uncle again and telling you, once again, to take care of his best friend, his brother.

“I’m so happy to be your wife.” Hajime kissed you at your words but you still knew that he was equally as happy as you were. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily now,” you joked, relishing in the laughter that escaped him.

“As if I would ever want that. I’m going to put some kids in you as soon as possible. And then we have a little family. Maybe even a big family. Whatever you want.” He kissed you again and you couldn’t help but smile at the picture of him with kids in your head. More importantly, your kids. “About that.” You leaned into his side, grateful for the minutes you had at the edge of the room. “I’ve been thinking, maybe stopping my birth control? I mean we don’t have to start trying and stuff, but we’re married now and we’ve been together for a while, and we talked about it already, and-“ You were cut off with a passionate kiss, Hajime even dipping you slightly as he practically devoured you.

“Do you mean that? Do you really mean that?” You could only nod, a wide grin on your lips as you cupped his face in your hands to bring his mouth to yours again. “Fuck, I love you. I can’t wait to fuck you today.” Heat shot through your stomach at his words and his kisses did nothing to soothe it.

“Hajime.” You really didn’t intend for his name to sound like such a whimper. But when he growled against your lips you knew you were done for. “The bridal room. Where I got ready. Let’s go.”

You felt like a schoolgirl sneaking around again, when you were rushing through the halls of the venue, hand in hand with your new husband, giggling around, until you finally closed the door behind you, being pressed against the same one in an instant, a breathless Hajime resting his forehead against yours.

You were whispering ’I love you’s to each other for the probably thousandths time this day, but it wasn’t like you were growing tired of it anytime soon. “You gotta be careful about the dress, I don’t wanna have cum stains somewhere,” you reminded him as he was flicking up your skirt, already sinking to his knees.

“Guess I’ll just have to cum inside you.” You giggled in excitement at his statement, soon leading into a moan, when he buried his face between your lower lips, thong pulled to the side, his tongue expertly doing all the things he found out about you the years before.

“Fuck, Hajime.” Your fingers thread themselves in his hair, tugging him closer.

He took one of your legs in his hand, tugging it over his shoulder and digging even deeper between your legs, using the fingers of his other hand as well, to insert two of them into your dripping cunt. “Haji, I’m coming,” you whimpered, clamping onto him.

“Wait for my cock.” The years of never neglected training came in handy, when he stood up, with you in his arms, to seat you on the small table, that was probably just in the room for decorating purposes. You shrieked a bit at how fast everything was happening, but you kind of agreed with him.

The first time you should come as husband and wife should be with him deep inside you.

He dropped his suit pants to his ankles and you could feel yourself clench with excitement. “Ready, baby?”

“Yes, please, Haji.” You pulled him towards you again to connect your lips, moaning into his mouth when he rubbed his dick up and down your folds, coating himself in your arousal.

It’s weird to explain what you felt the moment he pushed himself inside you. You had sex lots of times. But in that moment you felt more complete than you ever did.

You stayed like that for a couple of seconds, connected in the most intimate way possible, before his hips snapped back and into you again, eliciting a moan of both of you.

“Honestly, fucking you in your wedding dress is hot as fuck.” He laughed breathlessly, kissing you again, all while not halting his thrusts.

“Think about me pregnant with your kids,” you purred in his ear and squeaked in delight when his next thrust was harder than before.

“Don’t get me started. You’re going to look so good pregnant. All round and cozy.” His speed grew more erratic and you knew he would come soon.

“Fuck, we gonna start soon, right?” Your fingers clenched in his shirt, pushing him closer to you, chasing your own high.

“We’re starting right now, baby.” He kissed you again, hand moving down to rub your clit again, chuckling at the little whimpers you let out.

“Haji-“ You didn’t need to say more, he already knew, what you wanted to tell him.

“Go on, baby.” You kissed again, moans mixing in your mouths, as his tongue caressed yours, the slight taste of your juices still left on them. Every time his cock hit that one part you had to suppress a small scream, only slightly moaning in your husband's mouth.

“Can’t wait for tonight. Gonna fill you- ah- up again and again. And then you can be as loud as you want. Fuck. Gonna take my time with you.”

The filth he muttered against your lips only made you clench down harder onto his cock, feeling your high approaching rapidly. It was him coming, his cum spurting into you, which finally sent you over the edge, legs wrapping around him, bringing him even closer to your body, completely engulfing him, dead set on never letting him go.

Heavy breathing filled the room, as you both came down from your high. Small kisses were being exchanged, I love you’s were mumbled. But it was still perfect.

“I’m already anticipating tonight,” you mumbled, slightly exhausted due to moaning so much, making him chuckle, while his hands calmingly rubbed up and down your sides.

When he pulled out of you, you moaned again at the feeling of his cum slowly dribbling out of you.

“This looks so good. You look so good.” Hajime’s eyes were focused on the spot between your legs, fingers twitching to push it back inside.

“Don’t let it go on the dress!” You shrieked, chuckling at the way he darted to get a paper towel, carefully wiping you down.

“You alright, baby?” He helped you down from the table after pushing your thong back in place and fixing up his suit pants.

“Yeah. I love you. You made me the happiest woman alive, today, you know that?” The smile he threw your way at your words made your heart bloom. You were so in love with this man.

“Now, brace yourself for the comments.” You intertwined your fingers again, going back down the hallways to rejoin your guests at your reception. “You think somebody noticed something?” Your hands grew sweaty at the thought. Hopefully, nobody suspected a thing. Especially not his parents. Or worse, the grandparents!

“Tooru will have noticed for sure. You know how he is. If we’re lucky he hasn’t told Makki or Mattsun.” Hajime seemed way to relaxed at the thought, only shrugging his shoulders, ditching your hand to throw his arm around your shoulder and pull you into his side.

“I love you.” He pressed a kiss to your temple and you could feel he was smiling.

“I love you, too.”

No matter what was going to happen once you got back, this was still the best day of your life.