#this took me a long time because i've been sick and traveling

[contact-guy]

THE FINAL PROBLEM - part 2 of many - part 1 here. All this dialogue is from the original story, except for Holmes's thoughts at the end.

This is in the Watson's Sketchbook series!

[colorfulbard]

Sacrifice

‿︵‿꒰͜͡ ♡ ͜͡꒱‿︵‿︵‿︵‿꒰͜͡ ♡ ͜͡꒱‿︵‿︵‿︵‿꒰͜͡ ♡ ͜͡꒱‿︵‿

Summary♥︎ A forced visit to Whole Cake Island takes a turn for the worst when Big Mom is experiencing hunger pangs while Katakuri is away on a mission.

Pairing♥︎ Katakuri x Fem!Reader

warnings♥︎ Reader has kids with Katakuri, angst at the end

a/n♥︎ I've been starving for some more Katakuri fics so I had to take matters into my own hands. I put that warning because I know some people don't like reading fanfic where the reader has kids. Don't worry there will be a part 2!

‿︵‿꒰͜͡ ♡ ͜͡꒱‿︵‿︵‿︵‿꒰͜͡ ♡ ͜͡꒱‿︵‿︵‿︵‿꒰͜͡ ♡ ͜͡꒱‿︵‿

People always say, "practice makes perfect". That means, the more you do something, the better you'll be. Like baking, for example. If you practice making the same for over twenty years, you would be considered an expert. You might even be running through the steps on autopilot.

But, no matter how many times you've dealt with this scenario, it never became easier. Honestly, it felt harder to deal with each time.

An easy going saying like, "practice makes perfect", doesn't apply when dealing with a tyrannical emperor with deadly hunger pangs.

The steps taken when it began never changed. All high ranking officials were to report to the surveillance room, turn on the video snails, and give orders to anyone available at the Chateau.

Those down at the Chateau were to remain clear of Big Mom and evacuate any and all innocent citizens.

After many, many years, those steps were done in no time at all. And yet, the sick feeling of fear in your stomach never subsided. Your hands were pinned under your arms to keep from biting your nails. Too bad that didn't stop you from biting your lip instead.

You truly hated traveling to the main island for this reason. You longed for your home, back at Komugi island. The one you shared with your husband, Katakuri, and your fifteen children. Peace and quiet may be impossible to come by, but dealing with a child's temper tantrum was preferable to Big Mom's.

Having to deal with this on your own only made your bitter feelings towards the Whole Cake Chateau grow. The initial plan was to travel together, you and Katakuri. He knew how nervous being alone with his mother made you. But those plans were squandered when Big Mom ordered all ministers gather ingredients for her blasted wedding cake. Then, to make matters worse, he was called away on another mission.

Now, because of that string of unfortunate events, he somehow convinced you to bring your two oldest sons with you, Warabiko and Manju. For some reason, you had said yes. Probably just to ease his mind. In return, your mind was not at ease. It was filled to the brim with anxiety.

You took a slow, deep breath. "And we're sure it's not possible to catch the croquembouche that checked out this morning?" You asked slowly to keep your voice steady.

"It doesn't seem plausible. Either way it'd be a half hour."

You wanted to open your mouth to argue, but it was too difficult. The screams of the terrified homies made it impossible to focus. Those screams were keeping you in a continuous state of unease. You couldn't be selfish and mute the video feed. It was imperative for everyone to hear what was happening.

Big Mom was getting further away from the current video snail. It was time to play the waiting game and see when the feed would switch. You looked down at the floor for a moment of respite from staring at the rampaging Emperor.

You clenched your eyes shut. The screams were distant now, but you could still hear them. Your mind unwillingly imagined it as your sons. You knew they were somewhere safe, away from harm. You made sure of that before you reported to the surveillance room. Even so, as the screams continued, your mind took you the worst possible scenario.

You let your head tilt down to face the floor. At least then, if you somehow managed to open your eyes, you wouldn't be facing the screen.

'Kata... Please, come back to me soon..' Tears began to form behind your eyelids when you thought of him. You needed him to be here.

A hand softly landed on your shoulder in an attempt to not startle you. You took that as a nonverbal sign that the video feed switched. You glanced over your shoulder to see Tamago's hand, but he wasn't looking at you. His eyes were locked onto the screen, his mouth agape.

Your brows furrowed, he always seemed much more coolheaded than you in these scenarios, so, why did he look so spooked? Before checking the footage, you glanced at everyone in the room. Their expression matched Tamago's. The air in the room was tense, as if your anxiety had seeped out of your body and infected everyone else.

You finally looked towards the screen. The scene was the same except Big Mom was getting further away. Homies were still trampled and distant screams could be heard as she trampled over more. But you didn't even notice any of those things.

When you spotted what everyone else was staring at, you froze. Your muscles were locked.

Right there, where Big Mom was stomping through moments ago, stood your eldest son. You couldn't see his face, his back was facing away from the snail. He held onto his sword tightly. It was a gift from you and Katakuri on his eighteenth birthday.

Your hand moved on its own to cover your mouth in shock, the other moved to your stomach. Were you breathing? You couldn't feel anything.

Your head shook from side to side. "No." You whimpered.

Static flickered through the screen and then showed an enraged Big Mom rampaging. You breathing hitched when the sight of your son was gone. The silent scene of your son's determination was replaced by helpless homies getting eaten or stomped on.

Every second that was wasted staring, your son was getting closer to Big Mom. Without wasting anymore time, you pushed Tamago's hand from your shoulder and ran out of the room.

The state of the room remained the same as you left. Everyone stayed silent as they continued watching the footage. Too anxious to see what might happen next.

~

When Warabiko finally reached Big Mom, he was horrified. All of citizens of Whole Cake were terrified, running for their lives lest they be squashed under her heel. He had never seen this happen. He now understood why his family's trips to Whole Cake never lasted more than a day.

He remembered that whenever a tea party was held for one his newest siblings, you demanded to leave as soon as it was over. No matter how much his siblings whined about being tired and wanting to sleep on land, you put your foot down. This was his first time being here for over a day, much to your chagrin.

When he grew older and more mature, you told him stories of his grandmother's famous hunger pangs. The stories were short and brief. He could tell you didn't like talking about them. He finally understood why as he watched Big Mom rampage with reckless abandon.

Something in his gut told him to turn back now and hide with his brother. He ignored that feeling. He couldn't stand by and do nothing. With his father away on a mission, the duty of evacuating citizens and calming Big Mom fell on his shoulders. He was going to make his father proud.

Fighting her was out of question, but he could try and reason with her. She had to be willing to listen to his first grandchild, right?

Her path of destruction was never-ending as he got closer to her. He had to be careful. It was clear that when she's this hungry, all of her sense was gone. She didn't care who or what was in her way during her search.

It didn't even matter if it was an innocent little girl. She hadn't even tripped over the rubble, she had tripped over her feet trying to keep up with her mother. The mother hadn't even noticed, too terrified to look back.

The girl shakily stood on her feet and rubbed the debris from her knees. Her heard swayed from side to side to try and spot her mother. She had no idea Big Mom's foot was inches away from crushing her.

Warabiko immediately lunged towards Big Mom's feet and grabbed the girl. He landed on his feet and placed the girl on the ground.

The girl looked up and smiled up at her savior. "Thank you so much!" She cheered, "that was fun!"

She acted like she wasn't just moments away from being killed. Warabiko smothered his feeling of shock down and sighed. "Run away from her and find your mother. It's not safe," he instructed.

The girl nodded with a giggle and ran off, far from Big Mom.

Whilst Warabiko had dealt with the girl, Big Mom had busied herself with eating any homie or building in her way. Her anger grew as each thing she shoved down her throat tasted nothing like her craving.

"Where is it?!" She whined, "where is my croquembouche?!" She punched another building. Nothing but croquembouche could placate her.

"Mama, please! You just have to wait! The chefs will be here soon!"

Warabiko recognized the voice as one of his uncle's, Mont-d'Or. Another one of his uncle's and aunt led citizens away in the opposite direction.

Nothing Mont-d'Or said got through her to her. He was too far away for her to care. Warabiko's jaw clenched and he ran to stand in front of her, arms out. "Grandma, please! You have to stop!" He pleaded.

Big Mom paused and locked eyes with the source of the sound. She snarled and clenched her fist, "who's there?" She questioned.

Warabiko's brows furrowed and he could feel himself grow warm. "I-It's me! Grandma, it's Warabiko!" His voice grew higher in pitch, his hands began to shake, "don't you recognize me?" The question was practically a whisper.

Big Mom growled and swung at where he stood. Warabiko was able to dodge, but not without losing his footing. He fell onto scattered rubble and grunted when it dug into his back.

Mont-d'Or's mouth was open wide in shock the moment he saw Warabiko enter the fray. "M-Mama! Wait!" He pleaded, coming closer. "You have to stop! It's Warabiko! Your grandson!"

Big Mom paid Mont-d'Or's pleading no mind. She was still infuriated that her search for croquembouche was interrupted. "Where is my croquembouche boy?!" She demanded. "All I want is my croquembouche!" She swung at the building next to Warabiko and ate the contents she managed to grab.

The remnants of her snack flew all around. Warabiko turned over on his side and cradled his head. He could hear it land all around him.

Mont-d'Or clenched his jaw as he watched Warabiko cradle himself. He couldn't go over there and try to save him, he'd end up dying too. He just hoped Warabiko was a fast runner.

"Warabiko, you have to run! You can't reason with when she's like this!" He yelled.

Warabiko lifted his head and looked towards his uncle. Judging by the way Mont-d'Or stared at him, he was sure his terror was plain as day. He couldn't move thanks to that terror gripping his muscles. It was affecting his brain, not allowing him to choose between fight or flight. Maybe Big Mom wouldn't pay him any mind if he stayed silent.

She was still there, right behind him. Warabiko didn't have to turn his head to know that. He could practically feel her breathing down his neck. The only part of his body that managed to move was his spine as shivers went down it. She wasn't moving away from him. Her gaze was burning into his back.

Big Mom's breathing grew stronger and he could smell the sweets emanating from it.

Warabiko somehow willed his head to move back to look at his grandmother. His next breath was caught in his throat when he locked eyes with her.

Her scowl was gone. In its place was a sickening grin. Her eyes were unrecognizable, they were glazed over and crazed. Drool was dripping down her chin and she stared at him.

She leaned closer to his face. "Life..." She whispered, giggling like a mad woman, "or treat?"

Warabiko couldn't answer even if he wanted to. The words were caught in his throat, choking him. He could only watch as his grandmother raised her first high in the air.

He knew what his grandmother's fruit was capable of, his father had told him. His father had probably hoped he would take it as a warning to stay away. Too bad he didn't listen.

Everything began to slow down. His mother's first was taking minutes to reach him and Mont-d'Or's yelling was indistinguishable. Typically, these were the moments where one's life would flash before their eyes. Oddly enough, that didn't happen. He only saw one thing. It was you. His sweet mother, smiling down at him. Your eyes crinkled as you smiled. They were the same color as his own. That was the only feature you two shared.

From his point of view, he could see his hands attempt to grab your face. They were so small here. He must've been a baby. This was a memory he didn't even realize he had.

You were giggling at his futile attempts. You brushed his cheek with your finger and began to sing.

La la lu

La la lu

Oh, my little star sweeper

Your voice was so soft and sweet. His eyes began to droop as your singing lulled him to sleep. The warmth of your arms was seeping through the soft blanket touching his skin. He recognized the blanket. It was his favorite, handmade by you. Each of siblings had one similar to it, a different color for each one.

He could feel you moving him about the room, swaying him. Through his half lidded eyes, he could see his father standing at the corner of the room. The scarf was gone, and he was smiling.

It was such a nice, warm memory. It was perfect for falling asleep. Warabiko kept forcing his eyes open to stay awake, but your voice was so comforting. It reminded him of the warm donuts you made, fresh out of the oven on a quiet morning.

There was no harm in closing his eyes, he'll see you again when he woke up. His small body went limp in your arms as his eyes began to close without fight.

His body was mere milliseconds away from relaxing into a comfy sleep. Until a sharp jab at his side forced him awake. The warmth of the memory was gone. Whatever it was that hit him launched far from where he previously was.

Warabiko was on high alert now. Big Mom was still angry, still searching for croquembouche. He shakily stood on his feet with a hand on the side where he was jabbed. He glanced back to where he remembered seeing his uncle's and aunt.

Physically, he could see they weren't hurt. But their faces held a different story. They were terrified, all color was drained from their faces. It was odd considering Mont-d'Or and Opera's skin tone.

Warabiko dared follow their gaze and he soon wished he hadn't. His heart stopped and ice filled his veins, making him freeze in place.

He didn't even notice nor hear Big Mom stomp away in the opposite direction, demanding croquembouche. In that moment, in his mind, everything was quiet.

A mirror image of his eyes was staring straight into his own. That familiar color he always saw in the mirror was drained away, and only white remained.

The only movement that was seen wasn't a sign of life. It was just your body falling to the ground. The sound of it reverberated throughout the whole Chateau.

Warabiko would hear that sound in his nightmares.

[futurewdclandonorris]

A Helping Hand | George Russell⁶³

Pairings: George Russell x fem!bestfriend!reader

Summary: feeling frustrated, you go to George for some aid where he offers to help you blow off some steam

Warnings: smut

A/N: goodness, this is the most I've spent on proofreading, rewriting and editing than on any of my other fics, probably because I babied this idea for a long time 💀 and probably because I was sick for the past few days that I couldn't do anything else except thinking about George taking care of me. Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it 🥰

You were frustrated. The irritation was welling up inside you, and there was no telling why. And nothing going your way wasn’t helping either. But what it is that you always do whenever you feel like this?

You go to George.

George and you were best friends for as long as you could remember. He played enormous role in your life, in a way that you would often refer to him as an older brother. No one else even came close to being as important to you as he was. He was always there to listen when you needed to rant about something, and the two of you were just as comfortable sitting in silence as you were engaging in deep conversations. Today was no different.

You walked over to George's apartment, knowing that he wouldn't mind your unannounced visit. You knocked on the door and waited a few moments before he answered, your mind racing with all the things you wanted to vent about. The door opened, revealing George’s smiling face.

“Hey there, buddy,” he said, pulling you into a hug. “What’s got you so worked up?” he questioned upon seeing your slumped shoulders and frowning face.

“I don’t know,” you shrugged. “I just know I’m feeling a lot and it’s not good.” you walked further into his apartment, running a hand through your hair.

George followed behind you. “Do you want to talk about it?”

You shook your head, "I don't even know what's bothering me. I'm just feeling so damn… restless." and leaned against his kitchen bar.

George nodded his head, eyes fixed on your face. He knew that look and the manner in which you spoke. George had experienced this before with you. You would continue to speak until the words dried up, and he knew it was in his best interest to listen attentively. And he wanted to do just that. To be a friend and not interrupt for once your thoughts were drifting by. He loved the feeling of neediness you gave him.

So you started to spill your troubles. From everything that happened to you since you woke up to this very moment in the afternoon. He listened patiently, nodding and frowning in all the right places. You continued to talk, your words flowing out in a jumbled mess as you tried to make sense of your emotions. George listened intently, offering words of encouragement when needed. As you spoke, he moved closer to you.

It wasn’t a subtle move, you very much noticed him getting up and walking up to you, caging you in between his arms he rested on the counter behind you. He bowed his head so that his eyes were in level with yours and leaned forward, the words dying on your lips as he did so. Your faces were now only inches away, the air around you charged.

“When was the last time you got laid?” he asked.

You were taken aback by his sudden change in demeanor. “W-What?”

He took a step back, giving you space to breathe. “You, my friend, are sexually frustrated.”

You hadn't been with anyone in a while, he was right, like he always was, but “And how do you know that?” there was annoyance in your voice as you crossed your arms.

He sat down in one of his kitchen chairs, leaning on the table behind and legs spread lightly.  “How long have we been friends for?”

“Almost twenty years. Why?” you frowned, not really seeing the point of this conversation.

He gave a slight nod in agreement. “And in that long period of time you think I wouldn’t have learned your,” his gaze traveled up your body until it finally settled on your eyes, “body language?” his tongue clicked.

You swallowed hard, feeling the atmosphere between you two shift. There was definitely an undercurrent of something more, but you weren’t sure if you were ready to go there just yet.

“This-That has nothing to do with this.” you choked out.

“So you’re saying,” he moved his head from side to side. “If I offered you a solution you would say no?” his eyes found yours again and his gaze was piercing.

You couldn't help but feel a shiver run down your spine as George's eyes locked with yours. You had expected a hug or some words of comfort, not a proposition. You knew what he was insinuating, and part of you was tempted to take him up on his offer. But the other part of you was hesitant, unsure if you were ready to cross that line with him.

You had to admit, the idea was tempting. George was an attractive man, and you had always felt a certain level of chemistry between the two of you. But did you want to risk your friendship for a moment of physical release?

“I…”

Upon noticing your hesitation, George decided for you. “Come here.” he patted his thigh.

Bolts of electricity ran through your body  at his words. There was no denying that the idea of him taking care of you in that way was incredibly arousing. And before you made up your mind, your legs carried you over to him.

He took your arm, leading you in front of him. “Turn aroud. Sit down.” he instructed softly.

“On y-”

“Yes, y/n, on my lap.”

If he wanted to, he could pull you by the arms and just place you there, but he waited for you to slowly sit down yourself, resting your hands on his knees, your back to him.

“Good girl. Now,” he leaned forward, hugging your waist. “If in any moment you feel uncomfortable or just want to stop for whatever reason, I want you to tell me. Alright?”

“Okay.” you nodded, his intense stare more than you could handle.

You were familiar with being this close to George; you'd even slept in the same bed side-by-side without any issue. You had held each other before, but his touch was always comforting and platonic. This time however, something more hung in the air - an energy that made your heart race with anticipation.

“Good.” he kissed your tense shoulder.

George's hands caressed your body with practiced ease, gently running down your sides, across your abdomen, up and down your jean clothed thighs in order to help you relax. Gradually, you leaned into him, your breaths deeper. His lips smoothed over your neck and you let out an unwilling moan.

“You’re doing good.” he reassured and you nodded, affirming that you heard him.

His hands moved to the hem of your shirt, diving under to caress your stomach. They were warm, but your back arched on a sudden skin on skin contact. He stopped for a moment until you relaxed again. Moving upwards, his fingers grazed the lace of your bra before he glided his palms to cup them.

You gasped and bit your lip, surprised by the new sensation of his hands so close to your growing chest, and leaned back on him even more, your nipples hardening. You loved the way George touched you, the way he made you feel. His hands ran up and down between you and your bra, squeezing your globes. His lips found your ear, nibbling on its lobe before he spoke.

“You have a beautiful body.” he whispered huskily.

A shudder ran up your spine at the pure lust in his voice. His right hand slipped under the cup of your bra, freeing your breast. You didn’t protest, you felt good. Instead, you arched your back more, pressing your chest more against his hand. His thumb and forefinger found your nipple and pinched and pulled on it, making you moan.

George lowered his head and licked your neck, kissing it softly and nipping it occasionally. His left hand joined in the fun and massaged your other breast, pinching its nipple just as his right hand was doing. You clamped your eyes shut, enjoying the sensation of his touch.

“Sensitive, aren’t you?” he chuckled.

You leaned back once again, despite your best efforts. Now his right hand made its descend down your stomach, making you wriggle in his lap, and reached the button of your jeans. Popping it open, that’s when you opened your eyes as well.

“George,” you gulped and put your hand over his. “Are you sure about this?”

“Absolutely,” he pulled you closer, pressing his lips reassuringly to your neck. “Are you not?”

“I’m just worried what it means to us, our friendship. I don’t want to ruin it.” you finally voiced your concerns.

“You won’t ruin it, babygirl.” he smoothed over your hair. “Friends help each other out, don’t they? You can look at it like that.”

“Yes, but…” We shouldn’t be doing this… you thought to yourself.

“We can stop if you-”

“No!” you were maybe a bit too quick to cut him off. “Let’s continue. I… I like it.” you could feel the heat rush into your cheeks.

He kissed your neck, working his way up to your ear. “I’m glad. Cause so do I.” his hand went back to what it was doing.

He pulled down your zipper, but didn’t push your pants down, exposing just your panties. His hand went back to your breasts, kneading them, feeling their weight. Every now and again his hand would brush past your nipple, sending tingles down your body.

You’re breathing was growing heavier, his hands were good at what they were doing and you didn’t want it to stop. He could feel you squirming in his lap, his smirk evident even though your head was turned.

“Someone’s excited.” he teased.

“S-Shut up.” you bit your lip, embarrassed.

His fingers dipped under the elastic line of your panties, and you were glad that you decided to shave that morning. His fingers ran over your mound slowly, feeling every curve, every spot. He circled around your clit, teasing you, before he moved further down, dipping one finger in a bit before pulling it back out.

You moaned and he chuckled. “You like that?” you nodded, trying to contain your moans. “You want me to continue?” you nodded again, too aroused to speak.

His fingers dipped deeper inside your folds, feeling the warm, wet sensation. When his fingers reached the bottom, he started to rub your entrance, pressing just a bit, sending pleasurable sparks through your body.

“Mhm,” he moaned into your ear, “my babygirl likes that.”

“Yes.” you shook your head, agreeing.

“Tell me.” he demanded.

“Yes, I like it. I want it.”

His finger pushed a bit further inside, and you bit your lower lip, unable to keep quiet. “You want what?” he asked in a low voice.

“I want it.” you said in a higher pitched voice, trying to sound like a grown woman. “I want your fingers inside of me.” you blushed.

“You want more?”

“Yes. Please.” you ground onto his finger, your hips following his thumb’s rhythm.

He pulled his hand out of your pants and you audibly expressed your dismay at the lack of contact. He responded by placing his hands on your hips and forcing you up off the chair. Tugging your jeans down, you stepped out of them and he was quick to pull you onto his lap once again. With a nudge from his knee, your thighs opened into a desirable position. His arm was securely locked around your waist, making sure that you wouldn't move away or slip off his lap.

“Now,” he played with your panties, pushing them aside. “You said you wanted more?”

“Yes, George. Please, George.” you whined.

“Only cause you said please.” he smirked and you could feel his teeth graze your skin.

His finger entered you again, slowly, stretching you, moving only an inch or so before pulling out again. When he felt that you were ready for more, he rhythmically started to finger you, gauging your reaction. His finger pushed a bit further in, making you squirm. He pulled it back out, a bit of your juices clinging to it before he thrust it back in. You gasped, feeling the full sensation of his finger inside of you. He added another finger, and you moaned, squirming on his lap, feeling so full. Your breathing had turned into moaning, echoing through the empty apartment in which you were in.

"Shh, babygirl, it's alright. You're doing good.” George’s free hand tangled in your hair, pulling it back, your exposed neck bared to him. He nibbled on it, biting and sucking, loving your reactions.

“Just, please, more.” you begged him.

“I don't think you're ready for that yet.”

His fingers became more insistent inside you, pushing deeper and deeper. He rubbed your g-spot, making your moans turn into pants.

“No, no, no, no.” you panted. “Please, just a bit more.”

“Would my babygirl like to come already?”

“Yes, please, I’m so close.” you said, almost crying, needing to come.

“Let me hear you say it.”

“George, please. I want it. I need it. Please.” you begged.

“God, I didn’t think hearing you beg would be such a turn on.” he confessed, his voice a deep rumble.

“Please, I need it. I need to come. I love it when you touch me like that. Please!” you were almost screaming by the end.

He went back on rubbing you, his fingers moving faster and faster. Slipping his thumb a few times inside you while his fingers were busy doing you, the other hand clamped on your hip for support. His thumb pushed in deeper, your juices coated it and he rubbed your g-spot with it, making you squeal.

“Yes, yes, yes, yes.” you said over and over again, panting.

“Come for me.” he hissed and his other hand wrapped around your throat, holding you gently.

You didn’t even need his encouragement, your whole body was aching for release. His fingers moved faster, rubbing your g-spot, his thumb pressing hard against it. You were soaked, his fingers gliding inside you. You moaned, louder than before, mumbling incoherently.

Your hips bucked on his lap and he held you in place, his fingers continuing their assault on your body. You were his toy, his play thing, and you enjoyed it more than you should have. You didn’t care anymore, you were drowning in pleasure, letting it consume you.

Lights burst behind your eyelids when you came, biting hard into your lip, muffling your screams. Your whole body relaxed from the pleasure, your arms giving out and you would have fallen if he had not held you. You leaned against him, recovering from your orgasm. Your head was laid on his chest and all you could hear was his breathing, slowing down.

When the orgasmic waves subsided, you became aware of your surroundings again and blushed.

“Th-thank you.” you stammered, chest still rising and falling visibly.

“You’re welcome.” he kissed your temple. “Feeling better now?”

“Yes.” you nodded.

“Glad I could help.” he said, his fingers playing with your hair, combing them through.

“You did, but George… This can’t happen again.” you finished, standing up to find your jeans. It was just an excuse to put some physical distance between you for you don’t think you could get the last part over your lips if you were still sitting on his lap.

“Oh,” was all he said. You couldn’t determine was he disappointed or the realization hit him.

“We are friends and I want it to stay that way. You are too important for me to lose over... such thing.” you zipped up your pants.

“I understand.” he said, his voice not betraying his true feelings.

You had expected it to be hard to say it, but it didn’t feel like a lie at all, it felt like the truth. It felt like the right thing to do.

“Thank you.”

He meekly nodded. “Do you want to stay over? We can watch tv or something…” he trailed off.

“Yeah,” you breathed. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

“Okay.” he smiled and you smiled back.

You spent the rest of the evening wrapped in blankets on his couch, laughing as you watched bad television shows and poking fun at the characters and plots. Between you two was no uneasiness; you were laughing together like earlier events hadn't happened. And that moment looked like a promise that, no matter what, nothing will ever change between you two.

Or so you thought...

Next part

[opheliachoi99]

ᜊ 𝑊ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝑆ℎ𝑒 𝐶𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑠 ᜊ

FEATURING : Itoshi Sae, Michael Kaiser, Oliver Aiku, and Itoshi Rin

ABOUT : Them as your long distance fiancé, which will unexpectedly becomes your husband in near time. In which you kept your pain, because you couldn't have the right time to tell them about you and your baby.

Note : These are short scenarios for each characters, I was inspired by the song "When She Cries" by Restless Heart. Enjoy reading!

=͟͟͞͞➳❥ Itoshi Sae

— You breathed heavily, as you felt nauseous all of a sudden. Timing, your fiancé Sae called. "Hello? Honey! How are you? Currently in Barcelona Airport, I was gonna surprise you that I was coming home, but I couldn't seem to decide what to bring, so gotta tell you instead! How's our new house in London—? H-hello? Baby? Are you there?" You couldn't respond as you were already in the bathroom puking on the toilet.

"Honey! Hello? Are you okay? Hello?" He kept bugging but you were already in the urge to grab a pregnancy test and took it quickly "Honey, this isn't funny. I hear some rattling in the background, what are you doing?"

You gasped as you saw the results. "Positive." You sternly spoke "Positive? What do you mean pos— oh. Oh. My. Gosh. BABY! PLEASE REST! I'LL BE HOME 6 HOURS IN TIME, PLEASE BARE WITH ME!" You suddenly cried because you couldn't bare the pain you're feeling right now.

Shit. Don't tell me she's..

— Timeskip —

Sae came home just in time, he was carrying a lot of stuff, but he dropped everything except a bottle of water and some pills.

"BABY I'M HERE! I KNEW I HAD TO TRAVEL BACK TO YOU FOR A CERTAIN REASON! I just had a feeling.." There you laid on the corner of the bed, still feeling nauseous.

"Sae, b-baby, I'm.." You stuttered. "Shh.. I know, I'm here. I got water, and some pills to reduce the nausea you're feeling."

He knelt down towards your belly level "So you're coming soon huh? Better take care of your mom here, she's getting dizzy and sick, I don't want that you know" You slightly chuckle "Love, you're so weird." You stated.

"Oh, if I'm weird, I wonder how the little one will be- I'll be teaching this little buddy how to play soccer the moment they come out- but- what if it's a girl— EVEN BETTER!" He ran around the room like a kid full of excitement, this wasn't his typical way of acting, but he was way too excited to be a father. You suddenly cried, "Baby, hey, why are you crying? I'm here now!" He gently sat next you "I-" You sniffled "I thought I was going to suffer alone.. I thought you wouldn't come back.. I thought I would end up being a single moth—"

"Shh" Sae placed his index finger on your lips, signaling you to no longer continue "Honey, I'm here. You're not suffering alone, You won't be taking care of this baby alone. I've been out of the country because of my career, but now, I can set aside my soccer career. Taking care of you and the baby is much more important, don't worry. I've cancelled all my schedules, I'm free the whole year. If I needed to go back to Spain, I'll make sure you'll come along this time. At least I can keep an eye on you" He pecked your forehead as reassurance.

"I will never leave you, so don't cry, it hurts seeing you cry and suffering with pregnancy. I love you okay?" He kissed you once again and you nodded as you felt reassured everything was alright.

=͟͟͞͞➳❥ Michael Kaiser

— You and Kaiser were happily talking with each other through the phone, as you were sipping tea in your balcony floor, admiring the view from there as you talked with the love of your life.

"Once our final game is done meine liebe, I'll come home straight to you and we'll binge watch your favourite series the whole night, how does that sound? Hmm?" His voice muttered from the other end of the phone "I'd love that schatz, I'll be wait—" "Baby? Liebe? Hello? You were saying?" Kaiser's eyes widen as he heard vomit noises from the end of your line "Baby? Are you okay? Hello?" Your voice echoed the bathroom as you cried, you hated the feeling when you puke, it was the worst "Liebe? Are you vomiting?" Kaiser was already too worried "Baby I think I'm—" You continuously vomited. "Ahh!! Where's the pregnancy test?" You yelled.

"Preg— PREGNANCY TEST?!?! SCHATZ DON'T TELL ME.. Fuck." He ended the call immediately.

You didn't noticed he ended the call because you were too stunned from what you saw right in front of you.

"P-positive? No way.. It can't be.. He's still away for three months.." You felt nauseous once again and went back to the toilet seat to puke.

— Timeskip —

"Shit, shit, shit" Kaiser cussed as he was packing stuff in his luggage. "Michael? Where are you off to?" Ness barged in without notice "I'm going back to Germany." Kaiser coldly spoke "Huh? But our training has not completed yet- besides, what's the rush? You told your fiancé that you'll be back after three months."

"Correction, my wife. And she needs me, soccer can wait. Tell Ego, I'm heading out, I'll make it all up, but cannot promise as well. For now, my liebe needs me." Kaiser seriously stated as he finishes packing.

"I'll be going now, tell Yoichi he's in charge now, ciao!"

"I- but-" Kaiser didn't let Ness finish and he slams the door from behind. Ness sighed "It's like he's having a baby or something-" He just shrugged and went off to tell everyone what happened.

— Timeskip —

Kaiser arrived just in time. He unloaded his luggages and extra stuff from the back of his car "Gosh, I hope these stuff will help her.."

He arrived towards your room, he sees you resting peacefully in bed. He caressed your cheeks and kissed your forehead "I'm home meine liebe." He scanned around the room, and saw your leftover tea outside the balcony, and he took it and closed the unclosed sliding door from the balcony.

He surveilled the bathroom as he saw what a mess it was, and he saw a pregnancy test lying on the bathroom counter "Fuck, it's positive?! YAHOO!!" His loud voice woke you up.

"Micha?" You swore you heard a familiar voice. "Liebe!" Your ears rang as you heard it clearly.

You jumped from startledness as Kaiser came out the bathroom with the pregnancy test in his hand. "SCHATZ?!? WE'RE HAVING A BABY!!!?" He jumped for joy as he immediately pounced himself in bed with you kissing you non-stop.

You suddenly cried. "Liebe, why are you crying? I'm here!"

You suddenly laughed "Micha.. It's just that, I thought you would come back much more later.. I did not expect you to come home so early.. I'm overwhelmed.." You spoke lightly.

"Oh my süßer Schatz, I can already sense, wait no, I felt you were in need, especially you're carrying our mini us. It's unacceptable if you're suffering alone" His words made your tears fall "Aww Micha.."

"Now now, you want ice cream? As soon as I landed, that was the first thing I bought for you" He proudly said, which made you laugh "That's the pretty smile I wanted to see, now I'll go get it okay? I'm sure little one wants one too hmm?" He spoke to your belly. He kissed your tummy and your lips "Ich liebe dich, schatz. Remember that. I'll go grab the ice cream and extra snacks and we'll watch the series? Like I promised" He winked at you as he left the room to grab the food he mentioned.

You simply laughed, too lucky to have loving fiancé, or should I say, husband, and a father of your future child.

=͟͟͞͞➳❥ Oliver Aiku

— You were cooking ramen for your dinner, as a way to stop your stress over your fiancé Oliver Aiku. He was quite a pain in the ass, but, despite your fiery anger towards him, deep inside you were wishing he would show actions as a proper fiancé.

As you were cooking, tears started to flow. Mood swings suddenly hit you out of the blue. You wiped your tears, turned off the stove and went to the dining room to eat. You were thinking your menstruation was coming up, so you didn't bother to worry.

You were alone, as usual. Aiku has been very busy with his soccer career, and he's always either with Shidou or Sendou. You didn't mind because both were also your friends and constantly updates you wherever they are when Aiku couldn't.

Sendou sent a voice message using Aiku's number saying; "Hey Mrs. Aiku~ your fiancé is at it again, so many people interviewing your bae, what a busy man he is, don't worry, his fangirls won't be able to approach him because I lead them to me and Shidou instead! And damn they're hot!"

You simply let out a small chuckle as you were listening to their update, but at the same time you sighed, wishing Aiku himself would update you instead.

You left your phone open as you went to the kitchen to wash the dishes.

— Timeskip —

You came out the bathroom looking fresh as you just came out from showering. You were about to grab your novel to read when your phone rang, it was Aiku's number, you prayed it was Aiku who was calling this time, but sighed as you saw Shidou instead. "What now?" You let out a tone of annoyance "Hey bae! Just wanted to call on behalf of your hubby, he asked how were you?" Shidou spoke.

"Eh? He could've just told me directly- is he really that bus—" You paused for a bit, as you swore you felt a painful twist in your stomach "Really that what?" Shidou asked "I said is he really that busy to the point he couldn't ask me direct—" You paused again.

"Bae, if you keep on pausing on a wrong timing for fun- stop it, it's not funny" He sassily rolled his eyes "Wait- I need to go to the bathroom real quick.." You went to the bathroom and leaned your phone near the mirror, still on video call with Shidou.

"Uhm- bae? You good— oh my goodness-" You vomited and cried "I'm not feeling well Ryu.. I don't feel good.." You vomited once again "Oh shit- SENDOU!! CALL AIKU IMMEDIATELY! HIS WIFEY IS PUKING RAINBOWS AND SHIT-" Shidou panicked.

You cared less on what's happening on call, you couldn't think straight because your stomach really hurt and the nauseous feeling is taking over, you suddenly cried because of the pain your feeling right now "Shit, must've been the ramen that I ate.." You gaslighted yourself "Bae! When was the last time you had your period?"

You paused for a moment..

"NO! IT CAN'T BE!" You yelled as it echoed around the bathroom as you intensely find a pregnant test somewhere in the room.

"Bingo! Shit, this can't be." You groaned as you took the test.

Silence took over the atmosphere "Uh- Bae? Hello? Sendou! She's quiet!" Shidou panicked again. "Huh? Hello? Our beloved Mrs. Aiku! You good there?" Sendou asked from the end of the line.

You suddenly let out a sharp scream "DAMN WOMAN- CALM DOWN!" Shidou yelled back.

"I'M FUCKING PREGNANT.. IT'S POSITIVE!" You cried "Well shit, I'm telling Aiku, if he ain't listening I'm going to smack the shit out of 'em" Sendou spoke as Shidou ended the call.

You sat there in the bathroom floor spacing out, you soon started crying, knowing that Oliver wouldn't be able to be by your side during your pregnancy days. You sighed and suddenly felt nauseous once again and felt to urge to vomit once more.

— Timeskip —

The front door has been slammed open, with running feet speeding up the stairs.

"My beloved!" Aiku barged in the room, looking for an nauseous fiancé. He checked the bathroom and saw how messy it was, and the smell of vomit was still a bit humid.

"Shit. Where is she?" He scanned every corner of the room until he spotted you spacing out on the couch of the balcony, your eyes being lifeless looking. He soon felt guilt all over him.

He slowly opened the sliding door leading outside the balcony "Baby? I-I'm sorry... I'm here now.." Silence. Silence was the only reply he got from you. "Is it true? It's positive? I-I'm going to be a father?" Still silence.

He sadly sighed and knelt down to see your eyes "My love? Please, talk to me.."

Your eyes soon teared up "You're the one to talk." You replied coldly. "Baby, I'm at fault here I know, I just wanted to clarify if I'm gonna be a fath—"

"WHO SAID YOUR GOING TO BE A FATHER? AFTER HOW YOU TREATED ME?" Aiku went silent. "You asked me to marry you and I said yes, and this is the treatment that I received?!! I feel the mockery Oliver.." You cried.

Oliver gulped "I'm sorry okay? I've been so busy, relying that I finally got a soon-to-be wife, but I forgot to give time.." Your tears continuously flowing.

"Hey baby, don't cry, it's not healthy for the baby.. I don't want to harm you and our child.. You want me here? I'll do it. I'll sacrifice my soccer career. I'll be a proper husband and a father." He stated.

"All you do is talk. Not a single action shown." You replied with a weak tone, tears still flowing.

A few seconds you felt surprised because Aiku is now carrying you in bridal style "Hey! Put me down!" You demanded "You said wanted some action, I'll show you what I just said, I mean it. Again, I'm sorry my baby, can you forgive me?" He asked in a pleading tone.

"Make me." He suddenly kissed you, a soft and warm kiss, which melted your heart. He pecked your cheeks, nose, and forehead after "Now can you forgive me?" You chuckled. "Fine, but I'm still mad at you. I only ate ramen for dinner just so you know." Aiku's eyes widened.

"Am I hearing it right? Ramen?! I don't think so, that's not healthy for the baby. I'll make you soup, it's much more healthier" He demanded "Pfft- since when can you cook?" "Pardon me? I can cook, I just couldn't show you because I was too busy, now I'm here, you'll know" He winked.

You couldn't help but to giggle over his cheesy expression.

A few minutes passed he came with the soup as promised "Here my love, served warm and tasty~" He said as he sat next to you on the bed. He soon fed you spoonful of the soup "Mmm! Tasty indeed! Wow honey, you do cook! Cook for me some time please!" You praised "From now on I'll cook for you everyday!" "Promise?"

"Promise."

— Timeskip —

Shidou and Sendou arrived with extra foods and drinks, "You almost lost the keys- we could've been locked outside-" Sendou said "Eh- they're here anyway, they can open up for us" Shidou replied.

"What if they're asleep-" Sendou added as he placed the paper bags filled with foods and drinks. "Nah they're still up, LOVEBIRDS WE'RE HERE!" Shidou yelled.

"Oh for crying out loud Shidou keep it down!" Sendou spoke sternly as they went up the stairs.

"I told you they're still— awake.." Shidou lowered his voice as he approached your room "See what I mean-" Sendou stated.

You and Aiku were comfortably sleeping in bed cuddling and Aiku continuously caressing your hair. Aiku slowly opened his eyes and spotted his friends and did the "shh" expression, as a sign to keep it down.

Both gave him a thumbs up and Shidou quickly took a pic of you two peacefully resting and swiftly went back downstairs.

Aiku had enough of his friends mischief, he checked up on you and saw you calmly resting, a smile plastered on his face.

"I'm never hurting your precious soul again.." He whispered and gently gave you a peck on the forehead, and he gently went back to sleep.

=͟͟͞͞➳❥ Itoshi Rin

— You finally rested as you've just finished your spring cleaning. You let out a sigh, opening your phone with no notifications from him.

"As usual, no update from him.." You closed your phone and decided to read a novel to pass the time.

The novel you read made your tears drop as you relate to the main character of the story, having a cold and airy fiancé is quite hard.

You closed the novel and stared at the ceiling blankly. You thought of something on how to get Rin's attention. But you suddenly remembered, he still has that caring and loving side. Suddenly your phone popped up an notification, it said;

Rin : [ Hello love, I'll be coming home later in the evening, what do you want for a souvenir? ]

You let out a small chuckle, you seemed so contented and happy from a single notification from him.

Your brows suddenly furrowed, as you felt nauseous and weird, you tried to brush it off with a smile. But as you were replying, that uneasy feeling came back again.

You felt the urge to vomit so you quickly went to the bathroom and threw your phone to the bed, but as you threw your phone out of impatience, you accidentally pressed the call button.

But, Rin immediately answered it. Which was a miracle, but he wasn't the type to really ignore you, he proposed to you for a reason, he loves you.

"Hello? Darling? Uhm- your camera seems to be facing the ceiling-" Rin felt confused "So- uhm- about my question- you kept typing, I expected a long message but—" He paused as he heard a vomit from the end of your line "Honey?!" His tone suddenly changed "Hello?!?" He kept calling your name but no response, instead he keeps hearing you vomit from a distance.

"Shit, never knew this time would be coming.." He said as he ended the call.

On the other hand, you tried to gasp for air. You couldn't help but sob "What is going on with me?!" You cried.

You spaced out for a bit and vomited again.

You went back to bed to see your phone laying on the spot, you noticed some notifications, so you continued messaging Rin without knowing what happened before.

You : [ Anything Rin! I'll accept anything! Thank you for asking! Your presence is what I need the most tho :( ]

After messaging Rin, you decided to take a nap.

— Timeskip —

Rin finally arrived, barging in as if someone was chasing him. "Darling?!! I'm home!" He yelled as he placed all his stuff down and running up the stairs panting.

"HONEY!"

"AHH-" You gasped as you immediately sat up from your slumber "Rin?! What happened?!" You worriedly asked.

Rin ran towards you with a worried face "Are you okay? I brought everything you need" You suddenly felt overwhelmed as his actions were different so suddenly. "H-huh? Rin? Is everything okay?" You seemed confused.

"Oh my gosh" He grabbed a pregnancy test from his pocket "Here take this." He said as he assisted you all the way to the bathroom "What is this? H-hey!" He shuts the door for you.

A few minutes passed as he was walking back and forth from the bedroom, waiting for you to come out, when you did, he immediately checked up on you "So?"

You gulped "I-I'm.." You cried "Shh.. Hey.. Tell me" He sweeps a stray tuft of hair off your face so he could see you clearly. "I'm pregnant.." He went silent for a moment and gave you some space.

You were scared, so you silently cried.

"WOOHOO!! I'M FINALLY GOING TO BE A FATHER! I'M TELLING NII-CHAN!!" He happily yelled as he hugged you tightly.

"Why are you crying? Hey, I'm happy.. Finally.. I'm sorry if I couldn't be here in time.." He kissed your cheek.

You cried even more now, your a crying mess "I just wanted you here!! I'm so lonely in this huge mansion.." He suddenly chuckled "I'm sorry, you know there's a reason why I'm always away right?" You nodded. "I missed you a lot too, I'm just- not good at expressing on what I feel. I'm sorry.."

You went silent for a moment. "I'm sorry for not knowing that.. Why don't let's help each other hmm?" You suggested.

"That's a good suggestion darling, great timing. I won't be away for awhile, so I'll be here doing husband and father duties." He coldly stated, but you felt the care in his tone at the same time.

"I love that!"

"I love you." He said as he cupped your cheeks to kiss you warmly.

[redrum-alice]

So I've been sketching Beauty and the Beast AU for ABAcelsus, and I just wanna lay out some HCs lmao...

First and foremost, the AU has its own twist and is loosely based on the fanfic "A possession of another name" on ao3. I kinda just wanna do some scenarios bc im doing some scene sketches for funsies. This is set in 1600s

P.S., some of the HCs are cheezy as hell, because Im cooking for myself (this whole AU is my own food lol)

TW: some headcanons may contain mature topics

ABA was the daughter of the town's doctor, Dr. Hohenheim (please bear with me). He was the one who makes successful medicine and healing potions for the sick and poor.

Because of his aptitute in medical field and science, the ignorance of townsfolk saw this as a threat of witchcraft and alchemy, accusing him to be worshipping the devil (may or may not be true, but he insists he was doing it for good)

Although he was met with criticism, Dr. Hohenheim wanted nothing more than to improve lives, until he met his untimely demise.

Leaving his daughter all alone and ostricized due to their family's reputation, ABA was taken in as a scullery maid in a mansion. She was left with a key that she turned into a necklace and a book of incantation in case she was in a dire situation. She held these two objects dearly

Just like her father, she was somehow skilled and knowledgable about medicine and healing, especially when it comes to blood. This unfortunately sparked outrage once the other maids outed her for her suspicious activities. They intend to burn her alive.

She quickly fled to the woods to escape the mob. When it was clear, she took out the incantation book to recite a protection spell. Turns out she summoned a demon named Paracelsus.

Paracelsus ignited flames in the outskirts of town in response to the young woman's call for help. The townsfolk quickly fled away and left the girl alone with the demon. Sadly, ABA fell unconscious due to the injuries her masters and other maids have inflicted on her. The demon eventually took her inside the pocket dimension to heal properly.

Paracelsus is a bloodthirsty demon that was captured by Dr. Hohemheim and a man named Slayer long ago before ABA was born, fearing the dangers he might inflict on people if he was loose. They kept a chain and lock around his neck, magically bound to the book and can only be free with the use of the key ABA is currently wearing.

Dr. Hohenheim gained his knowledge in medicine with Paracelsus' help, since the demon possessed knowledge one could not achieve yet in their era. This was all in exchange of blood, and Dr. Hohenheim was tricked into killing some of the people he was helping. Not wanting to be manipulated furthet, Dr. Hohenheim sealed him away. The doctor soon wrote a letter to his young daughter revealing the truth one day when she grows up, tucked inside the book

After ABA read her father's letter, she was devastated. With no one else to turn to, she became dependent on the only being who shown her kindness: Paracelsus.

Paracelsus wanted nothing more than to feed on ABA's blood, ignoring her plea to be his companion. Over time, he pitied the girl and slowly soften up. Even going as far as offering a pocket dimension to be her resting quarters if she got tired of traveling in search of a new place to live.

ABA notices how fond Paracelsus was with roses, just as much as she is with blue flowers. Paracelsus explains it was because they're close to the red shade of blood.

In some gruesome yet magical manner, Paracelsus performed a magic where he turns ABA's blood droplets into roses to amuse her. (Weird but romantic ig?)

Because of that, she scanned the book of incantation and finds a spell to turn her blood droplets into roses so she can surprise Paracelsus. The demon wont admit it, but was a very thoughtful gesture. He had to patch up ABA though

ABA has always been insecure about herself, after having been emotionally and mentally abused by her owners at the mansion. She never felt beautiful in her skin and cannot look at herself in the mirror. So in a twisted way, she sees Paracelsus' "attraction" to her blood as some sort of affection.

In a symbiotic sense, ABA found company in Paracelsus, while the demon feeds off on her blood as fuel to protect them both. He had to keep a close eye on the girl, for she holds to key to his freedom. He cannot use the key for himself because it was blessed and it'll burn him if he touches it.

Paracelsus doesn't want to admit that he finds ABA's meekness endearing. Whenever she wanted ask about something she didn't know (she grew up in a small town that has nothing to offer, and her master wouldn't let her out of the mansion), Paracelsus was glad to fill her with knowledge.

He finds ABA's curiosity to be charming as well, but it comes with him protecting her from impending danger. The girl was reckless at times.

Soon he found himself enchanted at the girl's pure hearted nature. He fears that his influence may corrupt her one day and tries his best to shield her from his bloodthirsty intentions.

ABA naively asked Paracelsus if they could marry. He flatly said no, but she kept trying lol

[justanamesstuff]

Take my breath away - Matty Healy x f!reader

A/N: Really nervous about everything today!! I hope you guys like it! Let me know :)) This fic is based on this request, and works as another part for this fic i've posted (now that he's talking about reparations...) 🤭♥

Warnings: +18 MINORS DNI (please stay away), angst, jealousy, smut, fluff, typos.

Word count: 4.1 k

Blog Masterlist

At home

“How do I look?” Y/n came into the shared room of their house, and asked him. 

Matty was fighting with his tie around his neck, when his girlfriend came in. He had been staring at his reflection for a few minutes, trying to get the knot right. When his eyes fell on her, the air got stucked inside his throat. 

He opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, under Y/n’s attentive sight. She chewed on her lower lip waiting for him to say something, one word at least. If he didn’t like the dress, she would probably cry because her closet wasn’t full of options for Charli XCX’s massive birthday party. Y/n was convinced that the one she was sporting was the only good option.

Matty’s eyes travelled from Y/n’s hair do –messy and simple, she spent almost one hour making it look like it took five minutes and not that long–; make-up helping to show her factions perfectly, the dress straps assist his sight trail down towards her chest being adorned with a lacy pattern mixed with an almost transparent type of fabric. The right side of the dress opened from the middle of her thigh, ending closer to the floor. Her private parts hiding from prying eyes. Matty’s followed the route from her hips, down her legs, until his eyes fell upon her feet styled by high heels. Matty felt like a teenager, feeling a wave of heat around his neck and a painful need between his legs.

“Do you hate it?” she asked, snapping him from his daydreaming.

“Hate it?” his voice struggled to came out from his dry throat. Matty tried to cleanse it, detaching his hands from his tie. “Hate it?” the singer repeated once more, feeling his dick twitch inside his boxers. 

Y/n tried to smooth her dress even though it was perfectly steamed, “You haven’t answered my question.” she didn’t dare to look at him.

Matty felt bad seeing her look so unsure of her beauty when all he wanted to do is skip the party and spent the night in bed worshipping her body and her.

He moved a few steps closer, moving slowly to not startle her. “My love…” Matty started slowly. “You always, but specially tonight…” he breathed in, the sound making Y/n look into his eyes. “You look breathtaking.” Matty held the sides of her face, keeping Y/n from looking away.

“Really?”

“Are you kidding, Y/n?” Matty moved her head a little, trying to wake her to acknowledge her appearance. Y/n brushed her shoulders. “Baby, I- I don’t know where to start.” Matty chuckled and she followed, copying him. “This dress is going to kill me.” 

“You look pretty handsome yourself, Healy.” Y/n tried to divert the attention, but her boyfriend wasn’t having it.

“What if I text George saying I’m sick or something…and we spend the night here…” Matty let his hands moved down her neck, slowly, making Y/n shiver by his hot touch. 

“No, we can’t do that.” Y/n threw her head back a little, giving Matty space to lean forward to kiss the exposed skin. 

“Why?” he asked, innocently, as if he wasn’t proposing skipping one of the most iconic and important parties of the year. 

Y/n tried to focus on the words she wanted to say, but his hands settled on her hips for a moment, meanwhile his lips attacked her neck, moaning when her perfume reached his nose. Her knees almost failing her.

“Because…” she pronounced. “It’s Charli’s birthday.” Y/n tried to push him away by his shoulders, even though she didn’t really want to stop him. 

He didn’t answer right away, his attention entirely on her body reacting to his touch. Matty felt the fabric under his digits when he trailed up to his favourite part of his girlfriend's body. His veins pumping with ecstasy when her nipples hardened, finally getting his attention. Y/n pushed, unconsciously, her chest further into his palms. 

“I don’t care…” Matty’s teeth brushed hard upwards against the soft skin of Y/n neck. “I don’t care if it’s the King’s birthday, and we’re invited.” he said breathless. “If I want my girl, if I need my girl-” that was when she felt him, heavy, against her belly. “Nothing more matters.” Y/n moaned, closing her eyes, feeling his soft lips attack her sweet spot under her jaw. 

Matty squeezed her right boob, trying to get rid of the dress strap at the other side. Both action brought Y/n back to reality. “No, Matty.” she said, and he stopped instantly. 

“Please.” he begged without moving further, just keeping his hands still.

“Later.” 

Matty groaned when Y/n moved backwards, far from him. She moved the strap back in place. 

“You’re killing me, baby.” Matty tried to sort himself inside his pants so his hard on wasn’t visible.

“‘m not.” she fought back, feeling her thong damp while she tried to get to the door.

Matty contained a moaned, looking her move her hips from side to side. The night was going to be long.

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Charli’s birthday party

Matty gripped his glass of whiskey, meanwhile Ross was talking his ear off even though he wasn’t paying attention. His eyes were upon a pair at the other side of the room. 

Ross kept talking about his nephew and penguins, or something similar –Matty couldn’t care less–, when Matty almost let go of his cup. 

“Wow!” Ross interfered, placing his hand under in. “Watcha doin’, mate.” 

“What?” Matty spat.

Ross stared at his face for a second. Matty was frowning hard. 

“Are you sure you’re alright?” it was the second time he asked the singer about it. They were at a party, they were supposed to have fun, although Matty wasn’t enjoying the evening. 

“‘m fine, Ross. Perfectly fine about a twat flirting with my girlfriend…touching her.” Matty drank the rest of his drink in one go, groaning when the liquid stung his throat.

“Edward?” Ross asked, looking between Matty and Y/n deep into conversation with the man in front of her. 

“Don’t give a fuck about his name.” 

“Alright, mate.” Ross didn’t move a muscle, knowing how Matty was, specially after a few drinks. “Isn’t he Y/n’s coworker or something?” 

“He’s one of her best friend’s brother, who has been in love with her for ages…she knows that. I can’t believe she’s letting him-”

“She’s not letting him anything, Matty. They’re talking.” Ross defended her. 

“He’s been touching her arms every two minutes.” Matty protested like a toddler.

“If it’s bothering you so much, why are you still here?” 

Matty looked at his friend, opening his mouth, “I-” he muttered, bringing a big smile to Ross’s face. “Fuck it.” Matty said. 

His feet conducted him fast to the corner of the big venue Charli chose for her party. Y/n’s laughter reached his ears and his stomach flipped, knowing he wasn’t the one entertaining her. 

Y/n got distracted from Edwards explanation, when a strong arm sneaked around her waist and pushing her back to came in contact with a hard chest. She recognized him by his cologned, rounding her. Y/n glanced down to his hand, possessively resting on her belly. She noticed he took off his blazer and rolled up the sleeves of his shirt, showing the tattoos adoring his skin. 

She turned around inside his arms, letting her hands touch his chest. “Hi, handsome.” she greeted him, oblivious of Matty’s mood. “I missed you.”

“‘m sure.” he said, cryptic. 

Matty realized her eyes were glossy due to the alcohol the dumbass was providing her. On the other hand, Y/n acknowledge the frown on his forehead and how he pressed his lips close. Y/n crocked an eyebrow at him, silently asking.

“Come with me.” he commanded, not giving attention to the idiot standing behind them, expecting for Y/n to return to their previous conversation. Matty wasn’t going to allow him to steal her from him one more minute. 

Y/n’s boyfriend didn’t wait for her reply, taking her hand on his and dragging her around the sea of people. She tried to look back to Edward to gift him an apologetic wave, but Matty was moving fast, which made her inevitably look forward. 

The grip of his hand was hard, even though it wasn’t hurting her. The duality of her man send a shiver directly into her core. Y/n jumped forward, trying to get closer to Matty. The only response from him was to give her a side glance when she hugged his big, muscular, arm as if her life depended on it. His attention drifting away from her face didn’t hurt her feeling, the opposite in fact. Y/n wanted to know what got him so worked up, she wanted to be the centre of his attention as she was back home after they left the safety of their house.

—----------------------------------------------

After trying a few doors down the long hallway –all of them locked– Matty was starting to get hopeless. In any moment, he let go of her hand, dragging Y/n with him. His breathing was rapidly, and his girlfriend noticed the sweat starting to damp his shirt. An urge to lick it directly from the skin of his neck took over Y/n’s senses.

“Fuckin’ hell.” Matty tried another handle, same story. 

“Matty, what’s going on?” 

He turned around, his eyes falling on hers. His nostrils were three time bigger than usual, and his chest was moving up and down with a rhythm that entranced Y/n.

“Did you have fun with your little friend?” Matty snapped at her.

Y/n felt a little intimidated by him talking down at her, but her cunt thought otherwise. It wasn’t usual for him to bring this territorial side of him, usually it was a teasing remark and his proud self talking about another man wanting to have her, but he was all his. Rarely Matty let his possessive self took over. Y/n couldn’t lie, she was excited. 

She decided to play it dumb, “What are you talking about?” her Bambi eyes connecting with his. 

Y/n tried to touch him, even though Matty took a grasp of her wrist and, after one look to make sure no one was close, he pushed her towards the closest wall, pressing his body to hers. 

“No with me, sweetheart. You can act all innocent with the asshole out there, but…I know you, baby girl.” he whispered, without taking his eyes from hers.

“I wasn’t-”

“Oh, no…you weren’t doing anything. You didn’t stop him, either.” Matty pushed his chest an inch closer, feeling her nipples hard like diamonds through the fabric of his shirt and the lace on top of her perfect tits. “He was touching you…” Matty copied Edward’s actions, touching down the skin of her arms –still pinned to the wall at each side of her head–; while his nose brushed against hers and his lips lingered above Y/n’s lips, feeling his breading fanning over them.

“Matty.” Y/n breathed out, trying to push her body off the wall, even though she had little space between it and Matty’s chest. 

Matty pushed once more, “He was touching you, Y/n. And you didn’t stop him.” he said directly into her ear. 

The warmth he was irradiating was driving her senses insane. The mix of it with his cologne and the faint smell of his favourite brand of cigarettes wasn’t helping to ease her feeling either.

“Did you enjoy it?” Matty asked. Y/n opened her eyes again, trying to find his. 

“What?” 

“Did you enjoy him touching you?” he repeated through clenched teeth, searching any sign inside her delated pupils. 

“No, Matty- No, of course not.” Y/n pushed her arms away from his embrace, going to round his neck, bringing him impossibly closer. “You’re the only one I want, baby.”

“Am I? Because you looked really happy laughing with your secret admirer.” his voice dripping with poison.

“Are you jealous of him, Healy?” Y/n teased him to riled him up a little more, her hands sneaking around the back of his head, tugging on his curls. Matty moaned directly into her mouth, and Y/n never felt prouder of herself. “I am yours, Matty.” she declared, moving the left strap of her dress down until he could see her nipple. Matty’s mouth watering to the sight, and his mind focusing on her, nothing more.

“Fuck.” Matty muttered, resting his open palm on her left breast. “All mine?”

“Mhm, all.” Y/n threw her head back, trying to stay quiet, feeling his rough palm making circles on top of her skin. 

A loud sound, louder than the music making the walls around the venue vibrate, startled them. Matty quickly pushed her clothes all the way back up before someone could see his girlfriend just a tad naked. 

Charli showed up at the end of the hall. She cackled when she stopped a few meters away from them. 

“Well, well, well…hello guys, happy to see you’re enjoying my birthday party.” Charli was visibly drunk, almost tripping over her own feet. 

Y/n went to help her, “Okay, you need water, birthday girl.”

Matty groaned, realizing he wouldn’t be able to have his girlfriend just for himself at the moment. Y/n mimed a “sorry, later” walking far from him. The singer wasn’t going to stand alone, so he trailed down behind them.

“Poor, Matty…he wanted to get some.” Charli laughed about her words alone.

Y/n giggled, saying, “Let’s find G.”

“Yes! Please.” 

*********************

Y/n ended up loosing Matty. It was getting really late, and the craving wasn’t going away. After leaving Charli secured by G’s side, she tried to look after her man. Seeing what time it was, just a few groups lingered around the place, making it easier for Y/n to search. 

Matty was indeed a few meters far from her, talking with Adam, Carly, Ross, and a blond girl. Her heart dropped to her belly when she saw her twist her hair, looking at her boyfriend with suggestive eyes, biting her lip. ‘Oh, no’, Y/n feeling her blood boil. 

“Baby.” she said, standing between the girl and her man. 

“Hello, I’ve lost you.” Matty rounded her body, kissing the top of her head. The solo act made Y/n felt complete again.

“I’m ready to go home.” 

Matty understood every meaning behind her simple words. He was ready too.

“Perfect. Let’s go.”

After a quick goodbye to the group, not acknowledging the girl looking at them stunned, Y/n pulled Matty by his hand out of the venue. She was moving fast like never before.

“Hey, hey.” Matty pulled back, stopping. 

Y/n turned around to look at him with a puzzled look. “What?”

“Baby…” Matty chuckled.

“I want to get home.” Y/n accentuated every syllable.

“I know, I do too. What’s going on up here?” Matty tapped slowly on her forehead, looking at Y/n feeling his heart full.

“You, fucking me.” Matty took a sharp breath, trying to control himself. He knew her better than anyone. 

“Y/n.” he said in a warning tone.

“Who was the bitch?”

“Are you jealous, Y/l/n?” he asked, mimicking her question about Edward. 

“Whatever.” 

Y/n let go of his hand, making him feel cold all of a sudden. She started walking away, typing into the screen of her phone to get a car that could drive them home. Matty trotted to reach her. 

“My love.” he whispered into the back of her neck. Y/n wanted to prevent the quivering taking over her limbs, although it was hard to stop it when Matty was the cause of it. “He was Ross’s date.”

“Well, she was trying to fuck you. Ross deserves better.” he snorted, loving this side of her.

“I like it when you get territorial over me.” he left a chaste kiss on her shoulder, watching a car approach them.

—-----------------------------------------------------------------

Home sweet home

During all the way home, Matty didn’t try anything. Y/n moved on the seat beside Matty, feeling his hot hand resting on her knee, but doing nothing she wanted him to actually do. She was aware he noticed her little sounds protesting, trying to gain his attention, although Matty maintained the composure until the front door closed down with a big sound.

He was all over her when her feet were out of the high heels, the insufferable dress laughing at his eagerness. Without a word, Matty took Y/n by her hips, moving her backwards until her back was against the wall of the corridor. 

His eyes following hers glanced down at his lips, wetting hers in anticipation. 

“What do you want, princess?” his voice low and raspy, sending a ray of pleasure down towards her pulsing clit. Matty’s hands keeping her still.

“You.”

“What about me?” Y/n whined as a protest, moving her head from side to side. “Come on, you can do words.” 

“Please.”

“Tell me what you want, baby.” Matty placed his right hand on her neck, pressing slightly to distract her even more. 

“Touch me.”

“I’m touching you.” 

“Jerk.”

Matty tightened his grip around her neck, “None of that.” Y/n glanced at his orbs, with hers tearful by frustration.

“Play with my tits, Matty.”

“Anything more?”

“Touch me down there, fuck me…please, anything…I just need you.” Y/n panted and cried out, chocking with her saliva, being unable to sound collected as she wanted. 

Matty took his hands far from her neck. Without waiting a second, he pushed the dress until the upper half pooled around her hips. He looked up, lowering his face to be in front of her chest. He found her eyes when his mouth opened and then closed down around her right nipple. Y/n felt a wave of relief, of pleasure taking over her. After so many hours waiting for him, his mouth on her tits was going to make her explode in her place. Her left hand went directly to the back of his head, pushing it further into her chest. 

“More, please.” 

Her boyfriend let her nipple go with a wet sound, going to give attention to the other. His eyes closing by the pleasure of finally having his girlfriend bare before him. His lips trailed down, leaving a wet trace all around her tit, meanwhile he stopped from time to time to nibble on the soft skin. 

Matty moved a little back, taking her boobs between his big hands, squeezing them together. He was obsessed with her boobs, always and forever. 

Y/n pushed her thighs together, giving some type of attention to her clit. “Baby.” she whimpered, tugging on his curls, making Matty moaned without caring since they were home. “Oh, yes…Matty-”

He was still too entranced about her tits to listened anything else. Matty stared at them, wetting his digits, so he could draw circles around her sensible nipples. His simple act was meet by a loud moan from Y/n, feeling her insides burn. 

“You’re so hot, my love.” Matty buried his face in her boobs, not escaping the thought of his dick between them. His groaning and his compliment made Y/n arch her back with pleasure.

“And you’re so good at this.”

“Tell me what you need.” Matty said before flattening his tongue, passing it through her nipples repeatedly. 

“I need to get out of this dress.” Y/n tried to push it down her hips, Matty helped her. 

Matty took a minute to admire his girlfriend, standing at the entrance of their shared house almost naked, with the thong covering almost nothing. 

“Up. Now.” Matty wasn’t playing any more, he needed to taste her as soon as possible.

He waited until he heard Y/n entering their room and proceed to follow her. Matty skipped a couple of steps, jumping upstairs. 

When he opened the door, Y/n was resting in all her glory in the middle of their bed; all naked, finally. Matty touched his hard dick through his trousers. 

“Such a good girl you are.” he stated.

The singer moved to the feet of the bed, taking off his shirt slowly at the same time his eyes found hers. She was waiting for him, ready to welcome the singer. Matty undid the belt and opened his zip slowly. 

“Matty.”

“Quiet, dove.”

He pushed his trousers all the way down, leaving them there without caring. Matty was still wearing his boxers when he lingered above Y/n body. His fingers founding her lower lip.

“Open.” so she did. 

Matty let two of his digits inside her mouth. Y/n made a big show about sucking his digits, enjoying how his pupils grew a side due to lust. 

“Enough.” he said, taking them out. 

The tip of his fingers traced all the way down towards where she needed him most, making a stop to touch her breasts again. Instinctively, Y/n opened her legs for him when his hand pressed her hip down towards the mattress. 

Matty lowered himself enough to be face to face with her pussy. The sight in front of him made his dick twitch, and his mouth watered. He left a few kissing on the soft skin of her thigh. “Were you this wet all night?” Y/n nodded, unable to talk when his mouth was so close and so far away. “Words, Y/n.” he bit down on her skin hard. 

“Yes!” she moaned.

“Poor thing.” Matty let his mouth fell on her slit without more interactions. 

She was his favourite flavour. He sucked slightly on her clit, making her yelp and push her hips slightly up, so Matty secured her legs with his arms around them, keeping her open before him. 

Y/n was feeling faster the knot on the lower part of her belly. Matty wasn’t having mercy with her, sucking on her clit or letting his tongue penetrate her. After an entire night, hours without end, for him to touch her and find release once and for all, Y/n played at the precipice of her high. 

“Oh, fuck! I’m-”

Matty pushed back before she could end her sentence, and Y/n protested in the absence of his mouth. His stubble shinning with her juices streaming down his chin. 

He smiled at her, wicked, “Sorry, were you about to cum, baby girl?” 

“Matty!” 

Y/n tried to push him down with her hands on top of his head, although Matty was sterned about it, “Keep your hands up, Y/n.” 

“Please, let me cum.” her mind was foggy, her eyes were closing down on their own. Y/n felt her body move without being able to help it, control was beyond her now.

“Beg for it.” Matty let his middle finger circle around her clit. 

“Please.”

“I can’t hear you.”

Y/n screamed louder, “Please, Matty!!” 

“So beautiful when you beg for me.” he let two digits inside her sweet cunt, falling further until his mouth was sucking again on her throbbing clit.

Y/n felt a tingling sensation starting on her feet and hands, moving closer and closer to the middle of herself. Matty was setting a delicious tempo, driving her even more insane. Y/n’s blood pumping all around her body, at the same time she sensed her hips move, trying to match Matty’s mouth. The feeling crept all the way towards her belly, sending her finally into a trance that erupted all around her, making her see all black and stars. 

Y/n’s moans were music to his ears. Matty helped her surf her high, trusting his fingers inside her while his eyes focused on her face contract with pleasure. The pleasure he was imparting on her. 

Once she was down again, he moved to be chest to chest with her again. He brushed her wet hair back, Y/n looked at him in awe.

“Hey.” he whispered.

“Hello.”

“You alright?”

Y/n blushed a little, “more than that.”

Matty let their lips connect on a sweet kiss, still touching the side of her face to calm her down. 

“I’ll go and find a cloth to clean you up, okay?” Matty moved backwards. 

“No.” she protested. 

“Yes, baby.”

“But you…” Y/n looked down to his boxers.

“I can wait for tomorrow.”

“I want-”

Matty interrupted her, “I’m okay, I promise.”

“Matty.” Y/n insisted.

He came closer, reassuring her, “All I care is for you to be satisfied…it’s getting late, and I’ve tired you down. We have all tomorrow to continue, okay?” he gripped her neck, talking slowly to not overwhelmed her.

“I’m not happy about it, but okay. I love you.” she whispered.

“I love you so much, baby.”

Matty left a few more kisses around her face and neck, detaching himself from her body to walk out of the room. 

To be continue...

[myonmukyuu]

Art Summary: 2024

I've been posting my art online for 11 years! wowie!!

My yearly review is under the cut (1.8k words):

Previous: 2014 | 2015 | 2016 | 2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020 | 2021 | 2022 | 2023

Happy new year everyone!!! This is actually the first time in a long time that I've not posted my yearly summary on the 31st. I was a bit caught up with visiting family and being a good host so I didn't get time.

Anyways! Time for my year in review that no one reads except for me the following year. 💪💪💪

How this year went:

I think this year went... alright? Let's see, what did I get up to...

Ah. Okay! Art-wise it went "alright" but life-wise I had a pretty good year! Got a boyfriend! Got a cat! Went on two holidays (Japan, USA)! Visited family! Met a lot of online friends! Went to a bunch of concerts! (YOASOBI, Nijigasaki 6th, Hololive Down Under, Miku) A pretty eventful year ✌✌✌✌

But this is actually an art year in review so I'm going to focus on that! And... yeah, I think I went 'alright'. I don't feel terrible about how I went, but I also don't feel amazing? C+ or B- I think...

How did my art go?

Like I said, I think I went 'alright'. I felt very rocky several times in the year with periods of art block and a good chunk of time where nothing I drew felt 'right'. Was it burnout? Maybe. It took me some time to find my footing again. It also didn't really help that I had a lot of "interruptions" throughout the year. Traveling, getting sick, artist alleys and stuff really messed with my momentum. I did a lot of individual little works rather than comic works. I'm not exactly happy with that but it's something to look at for next year.

In terms of raw, technical skill I'm not really too far from where I was last year. But to be fair, after drawing for a decade that's to be expected. While I want to be always improving, I know that's not always immediately visible. That being said, my shikishis are a lot better than the first ones I made! (But technically it's more like my traditional skills are catching up with digital skills???)

Like I mentioned earlier I spent a lot of the year feeling "lost" when drawing. It was kind of like I forgot my own style? In my eyes that made a lot of the work shakey in quality at best... But excluding that fact, I'd like to highlight that I should probably revisit fundamentals. I think when I'm feeling lost, stronger anatomical fundamentals and linework would probably ground me a bit better. Will that be something I look at in 2025? Who's to say 🧍‍♀️

In terms of comic works I think I under performed in terms of quantity. And IMO they were affected by me feeling "lost" while drawing some of them. If I were to revisit them I'd probably touch them up.

I liked how the comics turned out though. 😊 (more in the next section)

My 2024 Goals and how I did:

This is the part where I read what I wrote last year and check if I acted on them at all ✌

As always, it doesn't really matter to me if I fulfill these goals or not. What's more important is the "why". It's good to be aware of what is important to you and what isn't.

“Draw more comics.”

Last year I was dissatisfied from a lack of comics. I think I released 1 doujin... and posted 2 mini-comics? So I don't blame myself for being so dissatisfied. Like I said, I’m a story-teller first, illustrator second.

I blamed an art block that had me eventually scrap a 20 page comic that was drafted and lined. I wasn't satisfied with the storyboarding at all. Because I was burned out, the storyboarding was done in a very direct/ dull way so I wasn't happy with it. But, it was a cute idea and I probably should've finished it. (It's like throwing a month of art into the void.)

While I've decided not to salvage that comic, I've taken the experience to heart. This year when I went to the US, I was interrupted while working on a comic I will be uploading somewhat soon. It took about 5 months to finish the comic. Which is a lot for a 14 pager. And that reason is because I was similarly dissatisfied with it. The paneling and the script just felt like it could be better and I wasn't happy working on it. But instead of randomly dropping it, I just re-storyboarded it until I was happier. The comic isn't posted yet, but I like it sooo much more than the initial draft! So my lesson going forward is to put more focus on my personal satisfaction. This isn't my job, it's a hobby I'm passionate about so I should always prioritise my own feelings!

I did end up drawing slightly more comics though. So technically I've "fulfilled this goal". I still don't feel satisfied with my productivity but it's an improvement.

“Push those shikishi to the next level!”

This goal is pretty self explanatory. Like I said, I think I've improved my shikishi craft quite a bit. I've also experimented with various materials like craft flowers and foil! The road of improvement is long and I still have so much more to learn but I'm fairly happy with how I've done.

There is one stipulation though, which is...

“Do artist alley, but don’t burn out!”

...burn out from doing too many artist alleys.

I did explicitly remind myself not to do too many, but I ended up doing 4 this year. I think this had a direct impact on my productivity and my overall satisfaction.

Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy doing artist alley with my friends. It's very rewarding. But it's also clear that I've been shooting myself in the foot. While I enjoy making shikishi they're not very sustainable for populating an artist alley table. When they've sold, they're gone. And it becomes empty space on the table. It isn't like prints or keychains where you can mass-produce some more. It could take me weeks to fill my table again. And I think this is where my productivity feels very strained.

"There's a con coming up... so I should prepare! I guess I should put this comic on hold while I work on shikishi/print stock." <- this ended up happening a lot this year. When it comes to making comics I'm really momentum-based where I have to basically hyper focus. So when my momentum is broken, I have a hard time going again...

And focus issues aside, when I combine it with the holidays I've taken I just haven't had as much time to work on comics in general.

It'd be convenient if I aimed to print every comic I made as they're completed (then you'd have a cycle of new prints on the table every time) but I'd rather aim towards thicker books/ bigger projects.

My problems would probably be solved if I made more prints or keychains and the like. I wouldn't have to be so pressed. But again, I know the issue just stems from me. I don't enjoy those things as much and I really want to specialise in shikishi and hand-drawn art along side my comics.

This year I want to be more selective with my tabling. Either that, or draw faster lmfao .

“Actually start planning that next story”

LMFAO what a big joke. I didn't do much on this.

I actually changed my sights to a few more scale ideas, so I'm not terribly fussed by this. Priorities change sometimes, y'know? What's important to me is that I'm still working towards something.

Goals for 2025:

With all of that in mind, here are the goals I've set for 2025! There's a lot so I don't expect to do them all. I would be happy to select a couple of things 😊. Step by step y'know?

"Draw more comics" (Repeatable Quest)

Continue my setsuayu anthology

I'm working on a bunch of little setsuayu stories I'd like to combine into a collection! I don't know if I'll finish for sure, but I'd like to make more progress.

Make non-setsuayu works

I've been bouncing ideas in my head for R3B1RTH comic ideas. And YuShizu. I've always liked these characters so I'd like to finally dedicate some time to them.

Honestly this goal is so incredibly malleable. I don't see it productive to set a static number of works I'd like to release. Because what really matters is if I make work I end up happy with. I could even end up drawing comics that are completely different in topic but still feel satisfied!

"Improve at art" (Repeatable Quest)

I made this goal super broad too because there's a number of things I want to try doing.

General:

study painting techniques

I think more practise with realism and still-life painting would do wonders for me. It'd give me more familiarity with tone and values that would help me in general. I also would like to make little shikishi with still life!

study composition

Recently I bought a textbook about this topic. My composition skills... could be better! It's truly a mystery how I've made so many comics. When I feel stuck with comics, I get the feeling that not being familiar with composition techniques contribute to that.

Traditional:

Continue producing shikishi

This one is a no-brainer! I still want to do artist alley! I still want to practise shikishi more! Not too much to say here specifically since everything else contributes to this.

Learn how to paint

When making traditional pieces, I'm not limited by media. So why not go more multimedia? Specifically I'd like to try a workshop with watercolour painting, or even gouache! Copic markers, although fun to use do have weaknesses. It'd be good to learn more about different media and how they interact with each other to create more interesting pieces moving forward!

Continue to experiment with craft/media

I did a piece with foil this year and it was pretty neat! (but a bit shoddy since it was my first time haha). I'd like to go further and continue designing pieces that use other materials in different ways.

I've also bought special inks that I'm excited to use as well!

"Improve my actual health"

Okay this one is the hardest goal... For context towards the end of this year I've been really tired. By what? I'm not that sure. I'd take multiple power naps a day and still feel sleepy. And I'd get 8 hours of sleep each night... And it's not like I'm restless when sleeping. I sleep perfectly fine but there's always a blanket of exhaustion....

Anyways I think I should eat healthier and get more exercise in. I think it would help my productivity more. (Less snackies for me 😢)

If anyone read this, damn that's crazy!

Let's have a good year!

[sirfrogsworth]

I guess I'm going to Florida.

Not until December, but I am looking forward to my first plane ride ever.

I know a lot of people hate air travel, but ever since I took a helicopter tour of Branson I have been obsessed with flying. I was just a kid, but my little mind was blown seeing the world from that high up. I've been dying to have another experience like that and I just never got the opportunity.

So I don't really care if it is the worst flight in the world on the worst airline ever, as long as I get to look out that window at the world below, everything else is trivial.

Although I did get the big seats.

Which means I probably won't be getting new tires right away. Sooooo... let's try not to think too hard about that. (Feel free to donate to the tire fund. Or not.)

But that should help make things more comfortable as I stare out the window for 3 hours.

Also, I GET TO SEE MY BEST FRIEND!

I mean, how cute are we?

I was pretty upset because the last time Katrina came to visit me I got extremely sick. I had a horrible reaction to some medication and I was unable to enjoy our visit at all.

Her visit was not long after my mom died and I was taking care of my dad full time and I was so overwhelmed and all I had to keep me going at the time was the thought that I would get to see my favorite person. And my stupid body just ruined it. Aside from my parents passing, I don't remember the last time I was that devastated. The timing was just so cruel. She arrived late at night and I got sick the next morning. I was legit traumatized by that horrible luck.

But now my friends no longer have to come to me. Now that my caregiving duties are over, I can go see them. And I am determined to spend some quality time with my bestie without getting sick this time.

Hopefully I can go see Delling after the new year. We did have a nice visit after my dad died, but I'd love to see them under better circumstances.

I mean, how cute are we?

I just have an endless supply of the most adorable friends.

AND I MUST FLY TO THEM!

[tothosewholisten]

Forever Healed | TUA insert

Chapter: 15

<<previous chapter | next chapter>>

masterlist

cw: cursing, blood and hints to SA

…

“Please don't!” Another day.

“I'm begging you!” Another mission.

“I'll do anything, just don't kill me!” Another kill.

Every day was the same as the last, It was an endless cycle of pain I put many people through. The fact that I can hear and feel the life force just leaving their bodies makes me want to join them. 

How long has it been? Days, weeks, months? I felt older, but that maybe had something to do with me being back in the 50's, time travel took a massive toll on my overall health. I never want to do this again. But I don't think I'm leaving anytime soon because she would never let me, she thinks I do too much of a good job. 

The Handler says I'm a natural killer, she says that I'm purging the universe of all the things that could change the original pure timeline. The apocalypse is one of those “pure” things. I don't agree with her, but I feel my mind slipping into submission like it always has.

She says Five told her that since he and I have different missions to help their cause it would be too time-consuming to talk. I don't think I'd want to see him anyway, he put me here with the hope of a possibility. But I know I can't be away from him forever, we have to go back home by any means necessary.

I've gone on at least thirty missions.

“Oh! B/n come here!”

Thirty-one.

I quickly stood up from my seat in the library section of The Handler's office not wanting to upset the waiting woman any more than needed. She's especially cheery this morning, it makes me dread what mission she's about to put me on today. From what I've learned from eavesdropping, I'm too special to get assignments like a normal worker from a case worker, like Five. No, I have to get them straight from her.

“Why good morning! There's something important for you to do today. Something I cannot trust to any of these everyday chums here.” How is she laughing at the people she recruited and probably took away from their own homes? Just like she did to us. Her grasp on the assignment paper tightens as she narrows her eyes at me. “I'm sorry. Am I being boring?” Her cruel words break me out of my trance. 

“Of course not” I croaked out. “Continue.. please.”

Just like a switch was turned on in her head she went back to her somewhat lobotomized state. “Great. Your assignment is to find a Mr. Luca Palumbo in 1942 New York, wow aren't you lucky! Well of course you will need to eliminate him, but for timeline sake make it look like a hired kill.”

“That would help to stage the Palumbo and Amato family's hatred which also causes the flux of the Italian mob which also causes hundreds of other meant-to-be deaths.”

She made me sick with her twisted words and the false joy that was on her painted face every day. But I couldn’t fight it even if I wanted to, my faint moral compass swayed more and more every day to just get shit done like I did when I was a kid. No one back at the academy had to know what I was doing, not even Klaus. Not even Five if I played my cards right.

Who am I kidding? I sound like an idiot. Of course, Five would know, he’d been through this exact thing and he’d come out.. as normal as possible. I need to get a grip. 

Her voice cut into my headspace once again. “So what do you say?” She grinned. We both already knew my answer, since I couldn’t oppose her. But she’s sadistic, she liked making it seem like I had an option. Like giving her prey a second to run before bolting after it.

I finally met her eyes and gave her the same answer I gave thirty other times. “Of course.”

..

The perfect cover story would be me posing as a hooker or a stripper but against The Handler’s suggestions, I decided I didn't need one. I'm not from this time and I don’t care about this mission enough to cover my ass. I made my way down the dark streets of Manhattan to hopefully get this over with quickly.

Luca owned a nightclub in the heart of the city, it wasn't too rancid which was a plus but an obvious front for illegal activities. I could feel someone’s eyes on me as I entered the building but I wasn't sure if it was from a woman wearing a suit or if he was on to me.

My plan was simple: corner him when least expected and kill him with a pistol similar to the one hidden in his pants right now. 

I took a seat in a velvety booth that was closest to the club stage. Aside from the half-naked dancers there was a plethora of men. But I wasn't here to kill them, I needed to find Luca. I let my eyes follow the crowds of gamblers whose voices were louder than the live band. It took a moment but from across the room I finally locked onto Luca. 

From what I was told I expected an old seasoned mob boss but from the back he looked as old as me. I could only get a closer look at him when a pretty blonde dancer passed his way, making him turn around. 

He was a brunette with a slick hairdo and a small mustache. He nursed the cigarette between his smirking lips as she passed. With a ring-covered hand, he beckoned her back over, she looked hopeful and ready to answer any question but he never said anything. Instead, he grabbed onto her body and smacked her ass, while laughing about it with his friends. If that was me, I would've taken that hand off clean but she had to stand there and take it, it was her boss after all.

I remember being that helpless back when I was trying to find my way after the academy. The situation made me wither in anger. I wanted this man dead more than ever, disgusting scums like him don’t deserve to live. My grip on the table in front of me was tight and the ringing in my ears felt like a teapot ready to boil. 

I regained composure and watched on as he engaged in conversation with the other mob bosses. He had to do something else other than poker, I'm sure it's been hours by now. As I waited for him to get along I started to think. 

Eat, sleep, and control others, that's all these kinds of people do and nothing will ever change, the powerful stay the powerful unless there’s something we can do about it. 

Something I can do about it.

Something I can do about The Handler. 

Life would go back to what it was if The Handler was gone, no matter how fucked up it was I had finally gotten control back of myself.

But what could I do? Of course, she’d probably be an easy kill but I have no doubt she'd haunt my everlasting memory forever. Everything she said about me is exactly correct no matter how much I wish it wasn’t. I don’t like killing, it scares me and so do my powers but you have to do what you don’t like to survive. My mom taught me that.

I chuckled at myself, it's always mother-like daughter. She survived in a different country by tolerating a man who married her for some strange fetish but never retaliated against him. It had confused me a lot as a child, but when I became a teenager I started to resent her and maybe I still do. But I realize, just like that dancer, some people are just surviving, they are forced to take the poor hand dealt to them and try to make something better of it.

Until scum try to drain them of everything their worth. It’s a constant cycle, which leads me back to this guy. Luca Palumbo, the guy I was sent to kill. The guy was currently on the move toward a back door, which I wouldn't have seen if I didn't quickly snap into action.

He was walking at a fast pace for a person just heading to a different room, maybe he’d spotted someone he owed money to or maybe he’d spotted me.. 

I followed his faint figure through the strobe-lit hall, at this point I had no clue where he was going. I turned my head to make sure no one was behind me but the only thing I saw was an empty hallway. 

Luca took a sharp turn to the left, into a room that faintly looked like a storage closet and quickly faded into the dark room. Warning signs seemed to just flash in my brain but I kept going anyway, he had to be on to me. I quietly entered the room behind him but it was too dark to tell where he was. At times like these, I wish I had x-ray vision.

The only sign of where he was was when he slammed the door shut behind me, locking him and me inside the storage closet. He then took a few steps closer to me. I could tell he was trying to intimidate me. Jokes on him the only thing that scares me is my childhood trauma.

“Now I'm gonna make this quick, Sally is waiting for me. I saw your eyes on me for hours but not in the way most people's eyes drift. And then you followed me here. So what do you want?” His transatlantic accent rang in my head, it was like right out of a TV.

Questions were swirling in my head, but I knew I was here for a purpose. I'd never talked to my kills before so I didn't plan on starting now. But against my better judgment, I opened my mouth. “Who’s Sally?” I asked.

“Why, she's the newbie floozy you were also eyeing before. You're not jealous are you?” His audacity was astonishing, here I am trying to kill him and he thinks I'm a secret admirer or something. How thick can one man be?

I was fuming from the way he started talking about this girl. I couldn’t even hear it anymore and it was obvious by my heaving breathing. I've seen countless idiots and killed them for less of a reason, there had to be a reason why this one was making me so upset.

“I'm gonna turn on the light and we can solve this, alright?” He laughed. “If you wanted me you could’ve just said it. I don’t bite.”

The light illuminated the room making it easier to see his smug face. “You're not too bad yourself. Would you like to work here?” So can I be assaulted? No, thank you.

He was prodding at me, trying to rile me up; it was like he reveled in my piercing eyes and balled-up fist. But they weren't for him, they were for this stupid uniform, the suit limited my mobility because it was too small even though it was my exact measurements. I wanted to burn the horrid thing but I settled for just taking it off. 

“Starting the show a little early, no? Not that I'm complaining.” Luca goes and tries to grab onto me but before he’s able to get my shirt off I punch him in the face, sending him flying. His back hits the door and he slides down with a groan. “What the hell?” He shouts.

He gets up in a frenzy reaching for the gun at his waistline, wasting no time firing it right into my shoulder. It didn't hurt, they never did. The fucker couldn’t even fire correctly and the worst part was that it didn't even go through me. That shit was lodged into my shoulder.

I laughed at him, before reaching into my shoulder with the side of my face and pulling the bullet out with my teeth. It was a long and grimey experience but I was proving a point. Once I grabbed onto it I spit it back out at his dress shoes and watched his face turn into horror. 

“Crazy bitch!” He shrieked, accent dropped. I knew it was fake.

He panicked and reached out for the door handle but he never escaped the room. I waited for a second before acting.

Then I became a different person. I just kept punching, quick and hard right into his pretty face. I let out a slur of noncohesive words and rambles. “You're the worst kind of person on the planet!” I yelled in his messed-up face. 

“All you do is take!”

Punch

“You take from me, you take from Sally, you take from everyone you steal money from!”

Punch

“Then you try to seal me away and control me. You're just as bad as her!”

Punch

“You deserve nothing.” 

Punch

“Why am I the one who has to hurt?”

Punch

“What did I do? While you sit there on your high fucking horse.”

At this point my hand is strikingly red with his blood and so is his face. I got that same teapot ringing in my ears, I could feel every cell in his body. It’d take me only one action to crush all of them. 

Right here right now, and then he’d combust into a pool of his cancerous blood. That would be the only way I make sure when I leave he doesn't get up again. That he can't make children who have to deal with a shitty father, just like I did.

Looking at the bullet on the floor made me remember why I was there. I had a mission, even if I was too blind to see it at the moment. I stretched before grabbing my similar gun not caring if my prints were all over it. I was done with this situation.

And as he tried to crawl to the door I shot him. One for his disgusting remarks, two for his awful behavior and ten for fun. Right in the back, just like one of his cowardly friends would do. 

I rid myself of the gun and wipe my bloody hands on my shirt. Lastly, I grabbed my jacket and stepped around his body, ridding myself of this situation. I did what he couldn’t leave the room just like I could leave The Handler's box she placed me in. It was time to do something about the commission.

I needed to talk to Five. 

It was time to leave.

..

I walked in the rain with the briefcase in my hand that was given to me by the commission. I originally hoped when I stashed it under the velvet booth it would be stolen so I wouldn't have to go back. 

As quickly as I turned angry I turned back to the sad, sorry self I've always been. I sniffled and reacted for the briefcase to go back to headquarters. Being already familiar with it, I just let my hands do the work and silently sobbed.

I wish I still had my therapist, then maybe I could uncover why I'm so angry. And why I let it build up to the point where my outbursts are well.. deadly. I can't blame anyone else for that, it's just a me thing. 

When I got back to the commission and had calmed down in the bathroom I stalked the hallways. All I needed to find was a little boy in shorts and then I'd spot him. It was hard though with the bustle of people, it must’ve been lunchtime.

I’ve never been one to the mess hall because I don't want to interact with other workers and I don't really eat.. Knowing Five he wouldn't want to eat with them either so he must be somewhere around here.

Using my knowledge of the place I walked over to where the case managers resided during working hours. But I stared at the floor as I walked. Not noticing the tiny steps walking out of the office, we collided for a quick second before we noticed who each other were.

It was Five, in all his tiny glory. Adored in the same fitted suit I was in but less wet and bloody. He looked just the same as when we were brought here but his hair was a bit longer and he looked more agitated.

He stared at me with his eyes wide. “Y/n” he whispered. I could almost cry again at his words. After not seeing him for months I missed the little shithead. “You look…”

I giggled and looked at my feet. “I know it's not my best outfit, I know. Trust me the water wasn't planned for.” My only coping mechanism has always been jokes.

Five was at a loss for words, I thought he was going to reply with something equally as snarky. He sighed. “I'm so sorry.”

I felt a bit angry actually, after all these months of torment. “Well, Five I think we're a little above sorry. Don’t you think so?” He had no response. “I mean you put me here and then don't talk to me for months. And after this, you get what, a body replacement? What do I get? except for more kills on my belt?” I rambled all the thoughts I'd been dying to ask someone with an actual mind in their head.

“It could’ve been anyone else Five.” I shook my head. “Even The Handler said you didn't want to talk to me.”

“And you believed her?” He finally spoke up.

“What else was I supposed to believe?” I furrowed my brows. “This is your palace. I've never been here before. It was just like when I was thrown into the academy. God.”

“…” 

“Look, if that's all you have to say. I'm gonna go get cleaned up.” I looked away back towards The Handler's office. I know Fives never was the best at expressing himself but I guess I expected more from him.

Five clears his throat. “Wait. I have a plan okay? I know I messed up. It was selfish to bring you but I need you to trust me when I say that I'm trying to do the best for us. Just come with me.”

We stared at each other again. “Okay,” I replied. “I do believe you, and I know you’ve spent your whole life trying to get back to us. I just wish that I wasn't dragged in during the process.”

He gives me a somewhat smile. “Whatever we do now, we do it together.”

“I can live with that.”

..

Five led us into the room that held all the field assignments, a room I’d never been in after we listened in on a conversation between Dot and the woman who ran it, Gloria.  They were talking about how the Handler knows Five is up to something. And that Gloria needs to send a letter to warn Hazel and Cha-Cha.

But before she could send it we made it to her first. The boy blipped us into the room and then stapled her in the back of the neck. Which caused her to drop to the floor cold. I gave him a weird look for his choice of weaponry but he only grinned.

While I was on the lookout he grabbed the message and rewrote what it said. At first, it said “Reassignment: protect Harold Jenkins” and now Five wrote for them to assassinate each other. Which was smart thinking.

We both entered in one letter for both of the workers and watched them go down the shoots. It was finally done now we just needed to get a briefc—-

“You both know that's not how we do things around here.” A familiar voice cut in. I turned to look at The Handler with dread, it was truly over now. We’re never leaving 

“Where’s Gloria?” She asked.

Five respond for us. “I don’t know we couldn’t find her anywhere.” Which could’ve been a great lie if Gloria didn't groan in pain from where I put her behind the desk. The Handler turned slowly to her hurting form as Five gave me a look that meant get ready for anything.

She looked repulsed at us but only her words pierced me in the heart. “You’re a great disappointment to me B/n. To be here with him, after I asked you not to. It makes no sense.” I could tell Five was confused by whoever’s name she just called out. But I know what she meant.

Then she turned her sights on him. “You can't change what's to come, Five. I truly find it so odd that you can shed this little fantasy. You're a first-rate pragmatist.” She raises her voice. “You two belong here with us.”

“In a few days thanks to you, we won’t belong anywhere.” He exclaims.

My gaze deepens at The Handler, “why would we want to stay here? You turned us into killers.”

She laughs at me. “Oh please, you two have always been killers. Especially you, do I need to bring up your count over the years?” She reaches down to unzip the leg proportion of her sleek dress. Revealing a pistol which she points at us. “I just pointed you in the right direction. Don’t forget about how you started. You both came from nothing!”

“You’d still be with your boring parents if not for your powers. So use them!”

My initial reaction was to shield Five from bullets or jump at the woman and kill her, but Five had other plans. He grabbed me and blipped us away behind one of the machines in the room. The whole area went into shock, someone must’ve pulled the alarm because there was a blaring sound and a whole lot of movement outside. 

The Handler never stopped shooting at us as we blipped around the room.

“What’s the rush?” She calls out. “We’re just getting started.”

As we hid she growled restless and started doing anything she could to manipulate us one last time. “Is that how you want the last line of your report card to read?”

Five whispered at me to trust him, I was confused for a second until he blipped me next to Gloria's desk and himself in front of the crazy woman. He started to egg her on. “When I'm done, I'm done, I guess.”

Her creepy smile returns to her pale face. “You can't keep this up forever, Five. We both know you have a limit. And carrying two people has to hurt a bit more right? I saved you from a lifetime of being unhappy.” She bares her teeth at him. “You owe me.” 

“Speaking of which, where is the flower?” She fakes a loving attitude as she looks around the room for me. I quickly dive under Glorida’s desk.

When she turns back around to give him one last snarky comment, I finally understand what he wants me to do. I leap out with one last satisfactory glance at him. And I grab a book from the table and smack The Handler over the head with all my might.

Thankfully it's before she could even fire the gun at him. I let out a huge sigh of relief when she fell to the ground. Five walks over to me, stepping on her long body as he does.

He looks at me. “I did owe a debt but it wasn’t to her. Come on, I owe you one.” 

“Five! That was so sweet! I could melt right now” I gushed.

“Well now I shouldn’t have said anything and I should just leave you here, ew.” We laugh at our win.

But he still drags me along down the halls towards the briefcase room with him anyway. As he rigs us a new briefcase because I forgot where I had placed the one I came back here with I watch the commotion. People running like they are headless chickens everywhere, and thankfully no Handler.

Five throws a grenade into the briefcase room and we duck for cover. “Where the hell did you get that?” I laughed.

“You don't wanna know.” He smiles.

With one last glance, we opened up the briefcase and let the blue sparks engulf us.

“Goodbye, Commission. I hope I never see you again!” I yelled at all the destruction. 

..

What’s left of The Umbrella Academy is stationed in the living room, having a discussion they had just had before..

“Hold the phone.” Klaus groans out. “We all died fighting this thing the first time around, right?” 

Diego calls out from behind the bar. “Klaus, shockingly, has a point. What gives us a win this time,”

Luther has no time to respond, even if he did it wouldn't have been heard over the crackling of electricity. Blue flashing lights take up the ceiling of the living room and two people and a black briefcase come trickling out of the sky.

Everyone runs back in fear.

“Je- Jesus!” Alison shouts while covering her head.

They all take a minute to see what actually fell onto the bar table. A sight they’ve seen before.

“You guys, am I still high or do you see them, too?” Klaus asks.

..

We both landed on the uncomfortable bar table. I could feel my head spinning from time travel, I needed to throw up. “What the hell? You said the landing would be okay this time” I yelled at him. I raised my head to see all of the questioning faces. “Oh hey, guys” I slurred out.

Luther is the first to respond. “Where the hell have you guys been?” Five is unresponsive because he’s too busy, rolling off the counter onto the floor. 

Everyone rushes to the falling boy and they start pumping him with questions. 

“Are you alright?” Allison says.

“Who did this?” Luther asks.

“What are you two wearing?” Klaus remarks

Five finally gets back up onto his feet, not before stealing the cup of coffee in Allison’s hand and walking a few steps away from everyone. “All irrelevant.”

Then they all turn to me. “It’s a long story.” I shrugged. One that was too scarring to tell.

The boy gulps down the entire full cup of coffee. I finally peered down at my clothes, we were covered in ash from the grenade and I was still soaked.

“So, the apocalypse is in three days.” Five began to speak. “The only chance we have to save our world is, well, us.’

“The Umbrella Academy” Luther mumbles. 

“Yeah, but with me, obviously. So if y’all don't get your sideshow acts together and get over yourselves, we're screwed. Who cares if Dad messed us up? Are we gonna let that define us? No.”

Everyone including myself shares his sentiment and we all shake our heads no.

“And to give us a fighting chance to see next week. I've come back with a lead. I know who’s responsible for the apocalypse.” Five hands them the paper we found earlier.

“This is who we have to stop,” I added. 

Allison opens the paper and the boys all look over her shoulder. “Harold Jenkins?” She tried out the name, it sounded weird to me too at first. Like it was fake.

“Who the hell is Harold Jenkins?” Diego belted out 

Five and I share one last of our little looks. We needed to prepare for the road ahead, but there was one last thing I had to do..

…

hey sorry for the big gap between chapters, i keep all my info on my phone about this book and it just broke. This is me on a temp phone for now!

Taglist:

@aloflapse

@isomehowexist

@elenalovestoread

@miscrying

@gabriella-aesthetic

@dakotapaigelove

@solarbeanz

@theoriginalone1111

@water-hemlock18

@tialovesyoutoo

@bunnychano3o

@rockyeatrock

[talkethtothehandeth]

Here is a video that talks about the reality of living with Long COVID. This is another reminder that this virus is still prevalent and just as deadly, if not more. COVID has killed nearly seven million (documented cases) people worldwide. You are not immune, you are not invincible, and this is something you should still be taking seriously. It’s not in the past, it is still spreading and mutating and harming and disabling and killing.

Wear your masks, get the vaccines if you can.

Video Length: 1m 16s

Transcription:

"Hi, my name is Hannah, and COVID took my life from me. I was 23 when I got sick in August of 2020, and I'm turning 27 this month. I was an athlete for 10 years, and I had straight A's all through high school. I graduated with honors, multiple scholarships, and I was years in the school for my PsyD. I loved going on adventures, traveling, reading, painting, drawing, I even loved having a job. I even had a healthy immune system, and that was all until I got COVID." - "I've been diagnosed with epilepsy, and the back to back seizures have caused brain damage; it has caused dementia type symptoms, spelling problems, mood changes, POTS, which haused caused me to be hospitalized multiple times with concussions and injuries. I'm on IV infusions and medications for that." - "I have to use a wheelchair, I can no longer legally drive; diabetes, an autoimmune disease, chronic and debilitating fatigue, vision deterioration, had to have my thyroid removed, lost half my hair. I still have a hard time breathing and have low oxygen at points-- chronic pain, muscle aches, tooth decay, increased mental health issues and ideations. I had to quit my job, withdraw from school, and I never see anyone but my family and doctors I can longer draw, travel, and I really struggle with reading, which is my favorite thing." - "My loved ones are terrified to leave me home alone, and I'm scared to even sleep at night because I'm afraid that I won't wake up. I spend my days alone in bed because life has to go on without me. This is the reality of it [long covid]. And 1 in 5 infections cause long COVID. I promise you, you are not invincible."

[waterfire1848]

Would you be willing to do Yue x Azula as star-crossed lovers(42)? Of the thingy.

Hello, anon!! Yes I would!

AU where Azula becomes the sun

Star-crossed lovers: Lovers who's attraction for each other is doomed to end in tragedy.

The story of the princess blessed by the moon and princess blessed by the sun was a well known one for people regardless of their nation of origin.

Many children heard about the young Water Tribe girl, sick from birth, who was blessed by the moon spirit. She was given hair as white as snow and some even said she had the ability to communicate with the spirit. Her name was Yue.

The story of the girl blessed by the sun was less known but no less true. The girl, unlike her counterpart, was not sick at birth, but rather strong. She had fire in her eyes, so much so that it was said her eyes burned the color of the sun and her fire was brighter and stronger than anything. Her name was Azula.

But it’s common knowledge that the moon and the sun were not meant to be together. There was a reason they were separated by the night and day. Just as the moon and sun were never meant to be together, Yue and Azula were never meant to be together. In the sky, the moon and sun were separated by miles of space between them. Yue and Azula suffered from a similar struggle of distance.

A distance which only grew when Yue assumed the responsibilities of the moon spirit, saying goodbye to her family and friends to keep the world safe. Azula, alone in a cell and forgotten by the world, didn't have as great a showing when she became a spirit. The fire in her eyes was weak and dying when she was taken away, but, ignited like the strongest fire ever seen when she gained spirithood. Her fire suddenly felt as if it could never go out.

It’s common knowledge that the moon and the sun were not meant to be together. But every rule has an exception and, for the sun and the moon, that exception is a solar eclipse.

"So, you're the sun spirit?" Yue asked.

"I am." Azula confirmed, "And you must be the moon spirit."

"Forgive me if this is too forward, but you don't look like the other spirits around here." Yue said.

"How so?" Azula asked, letting the fire on the end of her hair fall down as she undid her topknot.

"You look too...beautiful and human." Yue admitted, "I've only met one human spirit that was beautiful before: the Painted Lady."

"I probably look this way because I was human. I was human for sixteen years before I became a spirit." Azula told her.

"You were human too?" Yue asked, her eyes growing wide upon finally meeting a spirit like her.

"Too?" Azula asked.

"I was a human myself. I was the Princess of the North Pole, but then this Fire Nation admiral attacked the moon spirit and I took her place. I don't really know how long it's been since the attack, the Spirit World concept of time is tricky, but I remember it very clearly. I remember my father, my people, my home, Sokka-"

"Wait. Sokka as in that Water Tribesmen who traveled with the Avatar?" Azula asked.

"Yes. He was traveling with Avatar Aang." Yue confirmed, “Do you know him?”

Azula made a face, “In a way. He invaded the Fire Nation during a solar eclipse and was the only one with a brain who could see my plan.”

Yue smiled with a light blush coming onto her cheeks, “That sounds like him.” She looked away from Azula before speaking again, “How long has it been? If Sokka is still alive then…”

“It’s been two years since the North Pole siege. Not much time has passed.”

“Two years?” Yue’s eyes grew, “The war-“

“Relax. Your side won.” Azula grumbled, taking a seat away from her.

Because of the solar eclipse, Azula and Yue could pretty much float in the sky and spend the few hours they had just watching over the mortal world. A benefit from being tied to celestial bodies miles in the sky. Yue had watched over the invasion but she hadn’t seen what happened in the tunnels.

“You seem upset by that.” Yue gathered, sitting next to her.

“I was on the Fire Nation side. I was the Fire Nation princess actually.” Azula revealed, earning a look of shock from Yue, “After the war, I was thrown in an asylum because my uncle and brother said I was crazy. They locked me up and threw away the key.”

“I have no experience of being locked away.” Yue admitted, “But I was locked in a marriage with someone I didn’t love. I thought I was doing what was best for my people, my duty as a princess, and…” She brushed her spirit dress, “I guess I am doing something for my people just not in the way I expected.”

“You view this as something for your people?” Azula asked.

“I do. You don’t?”

“Everything I did before this was for my people and my father. I fought in the war, trained hard, became the perfect warrior all to lead my nation to victory and so my father would be proud. When I became a spirit, it was the first time that I didn’t have any of that responsibility. This is the first time I get to do something just for me, no one else. Yes, I bring the sun to the world every day but I also get to visit the dragons when I want, I get to meet the other spirits, spend time watching over people doing things I wish I could have done. I get to be…”

“Free.” Yue added, “That sounds perfect. But….you know we’re not supposed to go near mortals.”

Azula chuckled, “Are you going to tell on me?”

“No. I’ll let it slide this one time.”

“Why do I sense an if?” Azula asked.

“If you promise to take me down there and show me some of your favorite spots.” Yue added, “It’s been a long time since I’ve had someone to really talk to….that isn’t La.”

“It’s a date.”

[impossiblesuitcase]

hii, how are you? I was wondering if you could write something like Cinder being sick or in pain and Kai taking care of her, I've had this in my head for so long!

Drowning. She's back in the water, thrashing her arms for leverage, her ears filling and throwing her balance into a blender. The iciness covers her arms, her legs, her spine. She gasps and splutters, hoping to fill her lungs with whatever she can. Something insidious enters her throat; not water, but noxious smoke. It incinerates the water in its heat.

The lake empties out beneath her. She screams as she plummets but doesn't feel the impact. Her fall is cushioned by the fire that rises up to catch her.

Cinder gasps, limbs clawing to get out of this hell pit when they are pushed back down firmly.

"It's okay, you're okay."

She doesn't know where the voice comes from. Her mind is still coiled to attack, but her body becomes limp. It trusts the voice. Against her will, she allows the elements to overtake her. Somehow, the assuring voice has snuffed out the flames and dried up the riptides.

Cinder wakes in a haze. A hand is pushing hair off her brow and a damp cloth is pressed against her temple.

She instinctively tries to sit up.

"Hey, easy there," says the same voice. "Lie back. You're okay."

His face is hovering above hers when she opens her eyes. "Kai?" she croaks out, almost inaudibly.

"Hi, my love," he murmurs, smiling down at her. "You gave me a good fright today."

She weakly removes his hand from her forehead. It's hot and clammy, and she wants it cupping her cheek instead. When he allows her to move it and her forehead is still burning, she realises that perhaps it's not his hand that's feverish.

"Where am I?" she asks.

He adjusts her blankets and she shivers. "On your ship. I didn't want to move you just yet. Once you're better I'll get you inside the palace."

Vaguely, she collects her bearings. The room is dimly lit and yet still too bright for even her bionic eyes to handle. She forces them to focus. They are in her quarters on the personal ship used for Lunar's Earthen ambassador.

"You've been working too much," Kai reprimands gently. "Going from one climate to another when you're already fighting a cold is a recipe for a fever. It used to happen to me when I was travelling with my parents on diplomatic missions."

A fever. That's what the freezing and burning was. Cinder had felt run-down the past couple of days, and today was going to be her rest day. But she must have collapsed, because her last memory was half-consciously telling the pilot to take her home.

Her crew must know her well enough to know that her home was no longer Luna.

Kai gets some water into her, teasing, "Thank you, by the way, for getting me out of a tedious meeting. Taking care of my sick fiancée is a great excuse."

Right. Kai hadn't known she was coming. He was probably busy. But a muddled Cinder is a selfish one. "Stay with me, please," she begs incoherently, grasping for his hands, "don't go back to the meeting."

She feels a kiss on her fiery skin. "I'm not leaving you, love."

She drifts off again. When she wakes, she will recall how Adri had been so attentive to Peony when she had the flu. Feeding her soup, ensuring she took all her medicines, tucking her into bed with a kiss. Later that week when Cinder caught the same bug, she was confined to her room with an unempathetic "get over it".

Now, cared for and loved and treasured for the first time in her life, Cinder almost wants to stay sick for longer.

--

This is directly inspired by me having covid right now. Which is also the reason it's probably word vomit. I have a fic coming up eventually which delves more into this theme but here's a short fic for the moment.

After writing this I actually thought, sure, Kai taking care of Cinder while she's sick is sweet, but what about Iko taking care of her? Or Cress? Or Thorne? Now that I want to read.

[on-my-way-to-the-woods]

Anyway, uh, it's been busy so here is a brief (lies, it's not brief, but I promise I'm only giving the highlights) summary of the last month.

Break for very long post

The Last Month - Abridged

F & I are splitting up (sorta). The hardest one to write, but it's going up top 1. because it came first and 2. because if I don't start with it I simply won't write it out. It's been slowly moving towards this for awhile now, but it's real now. Mostly, it's a case of conflicting needs and conflicting disabilities, so it's been rough on both sides. We're still living together, and planning to continue that way (even if we weren't though, who could afford the rent?) so it's still family of a sort, but not like it was

I uncovered a major issue at work (~2 days after F had me start sleeping on the futon) and it was a mess but we got it resolved within two days

Less than an hour after finding the issue mentioned above, I got the call that the relative I was planning on visiting in a week died

I figured risking air travel was probably a bad idea. It'd probably end fine, but I've not yet been trapped somewhere with one of the worse perfumes and a metal box hundreds of feet in the air with no ability to leave for several hours seems like a poor place to risk seeing exactly how far these reactions can go. (I don't want a joint funeral, I'm not catholic). So I chose to drive through the night instead - which is also a bad idea, but what can you do? Packing with no idea about how things are going to go was it's own mess.

The drive went surprisingly well. I took as few stops as possible and I have a new odor reducing respirator that is helping a lot - so it was only a handful of reactions & I was ready to stomp them out each time (yay albuterol & xyzal). Pretty much drove straight through except for gas and a 30min catnap here and there (don't try this at home kids, I'm setting a bad example). My good friend driving-though-the-dark-alone-listening-to-a-horror-podcast kept me awake just fine (I love you Left Right Game) (but again, don't try this at home)

Did the funeral things, got super sick in the church but was alright at the other venues. I must have looked really bad in the church though because my family didn't make a single snide remark about me bringing my dog on the trip during the entire time I was there.

Helped out with moving things around the house and dispersing some possessions. I drove a bunch of clothes (fragrant 🤦 but I had them in trash bags so it was mostly okay) back with me to donate to the various queer orgs around here. They'll appreciate the old natural fiber clothes more than the goodwill where most of it was going.

Made a detour specifically to bring my dog to the Atlantic. She had a blast. Nova has now officially crossed the country (W->E and also S->N).

On the drive back I went hiking the farthest I've been from a city in a long time and I felt so fucking alive. On the one hand, stunning experience - did 7mi (11km) in snow no problem as a short hike (since I was trying to make it back to bring F to a medical appointment) and I would have stayed out all day if I could. On the other hand, it's a little concerning if the only place I feel like myself is that far away from people. I can't afford a house & land in the middle of nowhere…

Also stopped by a place we used to live and walked our old neighborhood route. Nova was excited, but confused.

Wound up in a different park after hours and it might have been haunted

Made it back the day before F's appointment. Slept. Discovered that the one provider I liked less than the others (despite them all being equally friendly) uses perfume so I've just been allergic to them instead of disliking them for no reason (I kinda suspected so, but it was proven this time)

Had a rheumatology appointment to see if they had ideas about what my issue might be. This is the first time I have seen a doctor realize what it means when I say I'm having these reactions to fragrances, you could see it play out on her face: oh shit, fragrances are everywhere. Several times throughout the appointment she'd pause as she had a thought and then ask questions that were clearly checking in on my life outside of just the symptoms (e.g. "how do you get groceries?") which is something I haven't seen since F's GP (whose interest was in public health) moved away. I think it went well. She's running the usual bloodwork, partly just to check and partly because she knows that having ruled out some things already will make it more likely for me to get care from an allergist.

Toured more houses for rent, it just made me incredibly sad. You can see traces of someone's beloved home in some of these old houses, but landlords own them now and they just don't bother. Rotting garages, fences in pieces, trash in the yard, holes in the walls, doors that can't open all the way anymore. 'Just let the tenant do the work and foot the bill, people are desperate, we can let the house rot around them while they pay for the privilege and just buy another when it pops up.' (I have feelings on the matter)

Finally got my covid & flu shots. I had timed it specifically for when our favorite pharmacist works, but I hadn't considered the holiday rush would mean they have two on duty. I instead got our least favorite pharmacist (she does not like F) and it was an impressively bad experience. Sure love it when you tell a provider something has given you side effects every time and they tell you it won't do it 🙄 /s

Rheumatology bloodwork is back, I love receiving results online. I'm very interested in what she'll say at the follow up this week. By my read (science nerd, but no relevant medical training), it's… odd. A little contradictory, but it's indicating some shit is up - however, none of the main contenders would explain my fragrance reactions.

Got to volunteer with a conservation group in a safe area for me.  Had a fantastic time, was able to be around people and move and do something productive and satisfying.  Went back again and will continue trying to do these as I can.

Went with F to her allergy appointment and, ironically, had reactions myself the entire time.  Not just in the waiting room, but everywhere in the building.  Maybe it was their disinfectant? Hoping it was just a fluke because I used to be able to go there, even while dealing with this.

My allergy appointment went poorly, there's another (long) post about it, but the gist is that I now have VCD in my chart (despite the fact he said he doesn't know what is wrong with me and said maybe I should go to Mayo Clinic) & tests he didn't mention

I am currently arguing with insurance over >$10k and I'm not having fun

[sweetiesshortstories]

˜”°•.˜”°• If Stars Could Love •°”˜.•°”˜

Part 3 NSFW

"What if I never want to leave? What will happen?" My eyes were watering, and my voice was straining.

"Then we would stay. Here inside this second in time. Our realities would continue to exist, unaware of the rift and we would be here." He shifted and his hand went to my chin to lift my face to his. I didn't want him to see me, or to look into my eyes, but he was adamant on my facing him. "I would feed you, bathe you, and care for you with my own hands. You would need for naught because there exists nothing I would not provide. And when you finally grow weary of me, and sick for home, I would place you back on the grass by the water while all the adoration I have ever held for you stayed within me. That is how I would continue to live with myself; keeping what I feel for you, with me always."

I had never heard perfection. In fact, my entire life I had been told perfection was a myth, something to strive for but it was as obtainable as the end of a rainbow. Yet he had strewn together the most perfect syllables anyone could ask for. The song for the unloved.

Without time as a concept, I can't tell you how long I stayed with him. We didn't have to measure anything that we did. Nothing was a wasted moment. He showed me nature with mobile roots, a rain that rose from the ground beneath our feet, and what a shooting star getting lost in the sun looked like. And when he finally touched me without caution, and his hands lingered, and his eyes kept looking at my mouth, I knew his desires were as primitive as mine. Just like the stories of the gods, of angels, as enlightened as they may be they always fell for the sins of the flesh.

On a hill under the orange light of the stars when Astraeus held my hand for a moment too long, I made a move to hug him, and he met me part of the way. Leaning slightly for me. But I didn't hug him, I kissed him. Not softly or sweet, and he matched me.

His lips overtook mine and his tongue dipped into my mouth, tasting me. I felt light, as if I could leave my body. His hands held me tightly, pressing me into him and my desire grew. A pulse throbbed between my legs and a pathetic whimper escaped my chest.

"Much too soon for that," he spoke against my lips. "I've not even begun with you yet." He captured my mouth and lifted me from the ground, gripping my ass firmly. I wrapped my legs around his waist and almost whimpered again feeling his length rub against me. He was so hard already I understood why early humans called them gods of pleasure. Gods of ecstasy.

His lips trailed down my neck, kissing, caressing, I dug my nails into his shoulders and my head fell back, exposing more of myself to him. I wanted to feel him everywhere, something I had never wanted in the past. He lifted me higher and I felt his tongue at my collarbone, slowly inching closer to the swell of my breasts. My breaths were shallow, I couldn't gather enough air, every touch from Astraeus made me even more sensitive for the next.

He dropped to his knees and lowered me onto grass as soft as velvet, I could hardly contain my giddy sigh as his lips traveled lower, sending a current through me. The thin dress didn't resist the guidance of his chin as he moved to free my breast. He engulfed me instantly. His tongue swirled over my puckered nipple, and he sucked ravenously. His teeth sunk into my skin and the pull of my mound into his mouth took my breath away. My toes curled and I wrapped myself even tighter around him as wetness pooled between my thighs. My fingers dug into his hair and gripped tightly as I pushed myself further into his mouth, whining and whimpering.

He was so large compared to me and instead of that making me timid, it made me feel safe. I was eager to be open for him and desperate to please him. He could use me and I would love him for it.

His hand traveled up my thigh and I trembled in anticipation. His touch was gentle but firm, asserting a soft control. He moved his mouth to my other breast, and I moaned loudly, impatient for his hand. Impatient his thick, hard--

"Is all of this sweet honey for me?" He purred as he tapped one finger against my sex and slipped into my folds. A sound escaped my chest, my body jolted from the touch and my stomach tightened. My whole body was vibrating.

"God, yes!" I threw my head back as he stroked my folds and massaged my swollen clit. I shamelessly thrusted myself into his hand seeking any amount of gratification I could steal.

"You call to me correctly,” as if rewarding me he plunged his fingers into me and feathered his lips up my neck. Finally, finally, finally! I yelped from the sensation. “You'll worship me over every God after what I do to you.” His lips crashed onto mine, and my needy moans were absorbed into him. Pleasure raced through my veins like a drug and my fluttered cries were no longer contained by his lips.

I needed to let the pleasure out somehow, it was filling me in every crevice and spilling over. My stomach rippled and he kept going, fingering me deeper and stroking me slower, coaxing the release, and I couldn’t control the noises I made. When his thumb pressed on my clit my body quivered and my eyes rolled so far back I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to see straight again. With my wetness he rubbed my clit over and over, still sliding inside of me and I felt the thread connecting me to reality...snap.

"My honeyed mortal, my sweet mortal. You're blooming right before me." His words dragged out my orgasm, the waves washing through me clogging my senses so much, I didn't feel him position himself at my soaking entrance. I was still tight when his head pushed through, still trying to come back to my body.

"Ast-Astraeus!" He was stretching me, filling me little by little and I still wasn't done processing what his fingers had done.

"My obedient human, singing my name," He taunted me as he sunk further. making me tighten my thighs around him to keep him at a distance. "Now, my human needs to open for me." He placed a hand on the inside of my thigh and pushed down, pinning it to the ground. My other leg was draped over his lower back and it clung to him desperately as my hand held him at his abdomen.

"Astraeus I can't, it's too soon after--" He silenced me with his mouth and I felt him fully sink into me, his pelvis coming flush against mine. I cried through his lips and his cock nestled inside of me, forcing room. I could feel him in my ribs.

He pulled out slowly and slid back in, holding my bottom lip between his teeth as I fought for air. My dress was at my waist and our skin stuck together from sweat, saliva, my nipples brushed against his chest with every motion. It was already too much. Stimulation was at every point in my body, and I wasn't equipped to handle it all. I turned my head away from him, gasping, and weakly pushed against his chest.

"I can't, I can't." I whimpered, shaking my head. Because I truly felt too human for what he was giving me. He grabbed both of my wrists and pinned them to the ground above my head, it jerked my dress back up my torso and pushed my breasts higher. With his other hand he pulled my chin to face him and stared intently in my eyes, his lips slightly parted.

"You can. I picked you. If you open yourself to me, I promise you pleasures greater than even this." He thrust back inside of me and I rolled my eyes with a moan. "Keep your gaze upon me, my earth flower." He pulled my chin towards him again and I stared at him through heavy lids. Still cupping my chin, he slipped his thumb into my mouth as he continued thrusting into me, deeply, slowly, and I sucked. I stroked his appendage with my tongue and sucked him as far as I could get him. Every time my eyes rolled, he would correct me and use his thumb to control my head by pulling me towards him.

"I want your eyes, human."

But I didn't want to look at him, not when I was so close. I was practically whimpering as I sucked his thumb through his thrusts, I was losing my composure. Orgasms were supposed to be sexy, beautiful, but I felt feral and desperate. As if reading my mind, he lowered his face next to mine and licked at the sensitive skin just under my ear.

"I love seeing you like this. Let yourself unfurl before me."

His words were like magic. He positioned his face in front of mine, our noses brushed, and I pulled my restrained hands into fists. I felt a flutter in my abdomen and his grip on my wrists tightened as he speared me over and over. His eyes swallowed me, and a euphoria blossomed from inside and forced a high-pitched cry from my throat. My teeth clamped onto his thumb and my entire scope of vision hazed within an instant, his features faded. I blinked to clear my vision and tears dripped from the corners of my eyes as my body rippled around him.

I could feel him pulsing his release into me and my body arched to meet him, to swallow him deeper. His hand disappeared from my wrists and he slipped his thumb from my lips as I panted and shivered. He slid his hands down my body, taking the thin straps on my dress with him and dragged them down my limp arms. He was still inside of me as he cupped my bare breasts in his hands, forcing a sound from my throat.

"Astraeus..." I breathed and lifted my own hands to my chest; he didn't entertain me. He ignored me, he squeezed my breasts and pinched my nipples between his fingers, and I felt our wetness drip from where he still sat inside of me.

"I like you best this way. Exposed, breathless, with my name on your tongue. I want to keep you this way." He moved his hands from my front to my back and pulled me upright with him, his still hard cock pressed against my cervix. "Allow me to take you higher." He nuzzled my mouth with his, and I tightened around his length at the affectionate touch.

He was going to fucking break me.

[bethaven]

2024

“I know there's been pain this year, but it's time to let it go Next year, you never know” - Merry Christmas by Ed Sheeran and Elton John

Mostly when we look back during new years we tend to think about this past year; what we've done, what we’ve accomplished and which people we've met (though, there will be some of that here too). In the last few years I've learned that a good fallback is thinking “where was I at the same time last year”, to get the best perspective on what this year's actually been giving you. Like when I celebrated the new year 2016, realising that nothing whatsoever that I’d imagined for 2015 had become what I thought it would when it started. I'd lost friends, community and context, but gained new friends, a job and lots of life lessons. 

When a year ago we turned our clocks into 2024 I just took a deep breath of relief. 2023 was a shit year filled with death, depression, anxiety and sickness. I couldn't wait for it to be over. But it also made me come into 2024 quite humble and not expecting that much. Maybe because of that, it actually turned into quite a good year, with some big and small milestones. I'm standing here, going into 2025 with a very different feeling than a year ago, and that in Itself is actually my greatest success of 2024. 

More than that, 2024 was filled with this:

In the winter and spring I:

Continued having gallstone-attacks, but finally got time for surgery in late april. It all went well and it was a huge weight off my shoulders to be able to eat decent food again. 

Officiated my 100th roller derby game, at the same venue I got an in-game panic attack at just six months earlier, which felt like a comeback in many ways.

Became more and more comfortable in the realisation that I’m heterosexual panromantic, so much that I did a tumblr-post about it, but not so much to be out in public. That's ok.

Got a new job and quit my old one. Even though I liked my old one and was scared about the change, I'd never been this sure about switching jobs before.

Had to experience my parents’ barn burning down to the ground at the blink of an eye. It was terrifying, but could have gone so much worse. 

Except for the usual travelling around Sweden I got to travel to Vienna and Hamburg for friends and derby which was amazing. 

Crocheted a lot, finished some smaller projects and started a big one. 

Made a lot of travel plans for the summer.

In the summer I:

Worked my very last days at my old workplace, which was filled with mixed feelings. Directly started my new one and shortly after went into vacation with a good feeling. 

Went on a two week long train vacation through Germany with my boyfriend. One of the best vacations I've ever had! Highlight was the Schwebebahn in Wuppertal.

Ended summer vacation with friends and family back in Sweden. Then back to start my new job for real in August. 

This fall and winter I:

Finished two crochet projects, thought I finished another one but realised I'd miscalculated and also started another one.

Used the then upcoming season 3 of Heartstopper as a remedy for another slump in my mental health (no, a tv-series is not supposed to be used as the only help for mental health, get help if you need it, I will too, I promise!)

Had a deep talk with two of my best friends about our relationship. I was scared as hell, but it worked out very well. 

Continued the first months of my new job and it's been a whirlwind of goods, bads and inbetweens. 

Continued weaving, finished two rugs and a cloth.

Saw season 3 of Heartstopper for the first time at a hotel room by myself crying while at a conference. It was still one of the best times of my life. 

Listened to **it gets better by Martin Luke Brown on repeat to try to convince myself that's true. 

Watched, and liked, not one but two Marvel-series (WandaVision and Agatha All Along). Sounds like nothing, but this is so far from everything else I watch, so it's really outside my comfort zone. 

Travelled to Finland for the first time, and loved it. 

Travelled to Bergen for the second time and loved it even more.

Generally travelled a lot, mainly for derby officiating, which has been educative, superfun, draining and exhausting, all at once. 

Made a plan to not travel as much in 2025, but I've already broken that promise...

I've also been neglecting tumblr and my writing a lot in 2024 and if it's something I hope for in 2025 it's that I'll be able to do it more this year. I know it makes me feel good and does good to my mental health. Plan is to finish my first fanfic in the next months.

[scammydoesstuff]

heya, I saw your post and I'm really sorry you had a disappointing experience with Neil; I get that BG3 and Astarion shot him to fame but there's still a lot of fans around for his older roles actively posting fics and art (karl, nikolai ginoviev, kamsi etc), so it's not a dead fandom by any means. Village isn't an 'old' game either (it's only 3 years old??) and anyone who says so is wrong imo. I hope your week gets better~

Thank you for the kind words.

I've been mostly spending the last week recovering from being sick and drawing to get out the negative feelings while also trying to rationalize a lot of that interaction.

Honestly, I didn't want to make that post super long, so I didn't go in-depth with all of it for the sake of brevity (because I tend to over explain and get to be very long winded - as you're about to see). I do want to insist that I don't necessarily blame Neil for it being negative. I'm sure it was mostly on me and I'm also sure I was overreacting. Drawing that was just my way of getting out some of those negative feelings instead of spiraling.

So, in regards to the convention: we wound up waiting basically 2 days to even meet Neil. Not...because we wanted to, mind. His line was crazy long every day and it wasn't uncommon to see people sitting down in his line, usually waiting for him to come back from a panel or a photo op. All the lines were moving slow all weekend, though. Not just his. That was one of my biggest issues with the convention as a whole and a critique genuinely unique to this one since the last Fan Expo I went to wasn't nearly that bad.

Our weekend was unfortunately pretty booked as well, so we couldn't wait all day and, after being in his line for nearly 3 hours that morning and barely moving, we had to leave for a lunch reservation with some friends who could only be there for one day after he left for a panel, cutting the line off. They did give out little numbers to anyone who'd been waiting up until that point to hop back into line later that day, however, if we had somewhere to be.

Due to short staffing at the restaurant, lunch also ran long and we didn't end up getting back until about an hour before the convention hall was set to close. We ran to Neil's line where they were cutting it off and, I'm super ashamed to admit, I let my boyfriend lie our way back into line (he told them we were leaving that night instead of staying the full 3 days we'd paid for, which coerced them to let us enter the line anyway) and spent the rest of the wait feeling guilty and really tempted to leave despite knowing on some level that this would likely be our last chance for the weekend. That's still on me. I could've said no and just left and not been a total piece of shit, but I didn't. Granted, other people got in line after us, so they weren't being that strict about it anyway, but I digress.

Regardless, we were already pushing it and I know that and I regret it. When we get to the front, I already wanted to keep things brief; get an autograph if I could, but mostly show him the Heisenberg plushie I'd made not long after the game came out.

(this is the plushie, btw. He took months to complete because he's entirely hand sewn - with the face being hand-embroidered - and was a major comfort project because of a lot of things going on in my personal life at the time that were causing me major stress. I've been hoping Neil would come to a con close enough for us to travel to at least so I could show him and this weekend was finally the opportunity I was waiting on).

So, we get to the front of the line and I see that he doesn't have any Village prints. Frankly, outside of Astarion, he doesn't have any other character prints except for one, which was a general Resident Evil group kinda thing with all the Resident Evil characters he'd done. There might've been one other, but I don't think it was for a character? It might've just been a headshot, but I could be wrong. I just know it wasn't Heisenberg-related, so I do not remember it clearly.

I was disappointed, but I decided to get the Resident Evil print anyway. I was initially going to have him sign a trench coat I'd made while working on the plushie. It was kinda practice to learn how to make the coat for that project and now it's just...my Heisenberg coat that I wear in winter. It's very warm. But I never ended up showing it to him after we finally get in front of him because the guilt was just too much.

So we start off and I was trying to be jokey and playful as I said 'I'm kinda disappointed you didn't have any Heisenberg prints' while showing him the plushie, but I can definitely see how, regardless of the tone I was trying to use, didn't come across right. So maybe *I* came off as rude instead despite trying to just...start a conversation about how I really liked Heisenberg? Totally possible. I'm not denying that.

And that's when Neil said that they don't bring prints along for Heisenberg anymore. That Village is an older game, so they don't get a lot of requests for it anyway and thus they save space when traveling. More disappointing. I started feeling worse because I could tell he was tired. It was the longest day for the exhibition hall to be open and he was still going even after everyone else was closing. He did arrive an hour after the hall opened, but it was still a long day, I know. I felt guilty and shitty, but, once he was done signing, I could properly show off the plushie - including the little cigars I'd made that he can hold cuz he has magnets in his hands. Maybe that would make him smile and lift his mood, y'know? So I was excited for his reaction and...

Nothing. Maybe a little laugh in that 'oh, that's cute' kinda way. He kinda did the voice when he saw it, but not really. I just...felt myself sink. I felt so embarrassed to have been so excited for this. My boyfriend asked if he could get a picture of Neil holding it and he did, but I was just...done. I wanted to leave because I realized that this was a mistake. It was late, he was tired, and this character doesn't mean much anymore because it's an older game that's been well overshadowed by Baldur's Gate III.

We wrapped up and left and that was it. I couldn't bring myself to say anything about how much Heisenberg meant to me as a character. I couldn't make myself show off the things about the plushie I was so proud of. I just wanted to leave because I felt like such a leech and that I shouldn't have done this.

I'm not dismissing the way I handled all of this. Looking back, I blame myself for my own bad time and I definitely blame myself for that interaction being as bad as it was. Neil was tired and, to a degree, he's right; it's not the new game that everyone's obsessed with right now. I shouldn't take it personally.

But it's easy to say that. It's so much harder to actually follow through with it. I couldn't help but feel upset because everyone else in line who'd seen the plushie would get excited to see it. Even the event manager who was hanging around at the end of the day told me I should sell them. Hell, back in April of this year, I even got to meet Maggie Robertson, who happened to be going to Fan Expo Cleveland (I live in Ohio, so less travel for that one). I thought it'd make her laugh (cuz, y'know, the size difference is accurate, right?) and, despite acting offended that I'd even bring him before her at all, she was still excited to talk about it and seemed to enjoy engaging with it. She was delightful and clearly still loves her character and that game, which made the contrast of meeting Neil so much more striking and...kinda hurtful...

So yeah...Sorry. That's a whole lotta words for 'I'm surely the reason it was so bad', but ye...Kinda got me out of an art funk, I guess. So that's something...maybe...