#this thought most likely arises from many people in my life telling me that i have a good voice for asmr

[tothechaos]

laying in bed trying to sleep and my brain is like "hey:)" and im like "yeah brain" and my brain goes "we should start an asmr youtube channel" and then does not elaborate further. girl what

[sareenawails]

ROBIN HOOD HOBIE

YIPPEE OCTOBIE WEEK 3!!

I wanted to make something that looked more realistic and colorful

I'm really proud of myself for this one!

Here's his full outfit

I think I did an ok job at making it feel medieval but I didn't want to lose Hobie's punkness

References

octobie event by @the-kr8tor

banners by @mushroom-graphics-allotment

Robin Hood au

-I voted for medieval theme just cuz I wanted the excuse to draw this lol

-Anyways here’s very bad and lazy plot summary of this hobie au

-English is not my first language so if this is bad please bear with me I'm not a writer for a reason.

-Like the original folklore tale, this is set in medieval England

-Hobie is an outlaw, who with a group of other outlaws called the Merry Band ( originally called merry men but I don't like that soo), steals from the wealthy and gives back to the poor

-He goes by the name Robin Hood to hide his identity( so he’s less easy to track idk)

-Anyways, in this universe Y/N (or an OC whatever you prefer) is part of the royal family or a wealthy noble family.

-They are very sheltered due to the death of loved one (probably their mom or sister)- left their father very emotionally scarred, so he’s very overprotective of them

-for whatever reason, y/n and hobie run in into each other and hobie steals an expensive piece of jewelry from them(necklace, bracelet, brooch, whatever doesn’t really matter)

-This piece of jewelry however holds a lot of emotional value to them because it was given to them by their aforementioned deceased loved one.

-They manage to run into hobie again ( probably because they were trying to track him down and he catches on to what they were doing and decided to confront them) and tries to get their heirloom back

-He tells Y/N that he’ll give them their heirloom back if and only if they become a sort of spy for him. Someone who spends time around nobles and wealthy merchants and can give him insider information ( Who has the most money, whos an easy target, where and when would he be able to find them, etc useful info)

-Y/N is obviously very put off by this offer, after all their whole life they’ve been raised to be a respectable figure in their kingdom. Working with one of the kingdom’s most wanted criminals would be a dangerous, bizzare thing to do; It could get them in serious trouble with the law, bring shame to their family’s name, get them disowned all together.

-The risk is big but their desire to get their heirloom back is even bigger, so reluctantly they agree.

-From them their odd relationship begins. It’s a very enemies to friends to lovers kind of thing (I'm basic I know)

- Y/N sees hobie as a dirty criminal who wants to take advantage of them and would throw them under the bus if the need arises

-Hobie sees them as nothing more than another pompous noble who doesn’t care about anyone but themselves.

-It’s a very “strictly business” relationship due to their refusal to get along with each other.

-The longer they spend working together the more they get to know more about the other's side of the story.

-Hobie learns about how sheltered Y/N is, how they have a double life as commoner and royal, and how much they yearn for a more independent life. He learns that y/n is not as selfish and heartless as he thought they were, they’re just naive about a lot of things.

-Y/N learns about what hobie’s life was like growing up as one of the many unfortunate people in the kingdom. Having to scrounge and steal in order to survive, having to go on days on an empty stomach in order to save what little he had. They learn why he chose to do the things he does and that he and his crew are purposefully painted in bad light as criminals for doing what the rich aren’t willing to do.

-As they get closer they start looking out for each other more

-Y/N helps him cover up his tracks, using their high status to get him out of sticky situations. Sometimes they even help him patch up his wounds.

-In turn, hobie gives them a taste of that freedom they’ve always wanted. Going out and showing them parts of the kingdom they never seen before

Anyways that's all I really have I thought of this at like 2 am so it's not really that good.

If any actual writers feel inspired by this and want to write a better, more well thought out version then be my guest ( plz tag me i'd love to read it!)

HAPPY OCTOBIE EVERYONE!!

[graychrissy]

🐼YOU ARE VOID + 2 void method🐼

Hello everyone I have decide to make a challenge since many people has been DMing me,first of I'm not a coach I just tell them what I did and I'm surprise it work for most of them,so I will tell yall what to do with some more tips that could help.

Ok,so most of you have read this many times " you are void" you guys might have also affirm "I am void", that means you ARE VOID.

Imagine as though this life is a videogame,and the character is the body and the mind and they're both trying to convince you that you can't enter void,will you listen to this imaginary character? Of course not. So whenever a thought or feeling arise when trying to enter void let it pass,just how you watch the clouds pass,just how strangers pass by you. And remember you are the void,whose playing videogame and think is one of the character.

Ok let's start.

So these are two ways,that actually will work. Both method includes Wim Hof pink breath method. (Credit to @voidprincessblog )

I. So for the first method you have to follow the exact wim hof breath method but when pink noises start playing start observing the thought and without judging them pass,think of thoughts as someone else's,think as if you're trapped in someone else's body. So all the thoughts and symptoms is experienced by this someone (your body and mind),do not identify as your body,keep going keep observing those thoughts, don't try to look for thought cuz they pop up on there own,you just gotta observe them,and slowly your mind will become silent,even observe the symptoms. And just like that my friends you'll be in the void.

★In brief.

★Use the wim hof breath method.

★ when the pink boise start observe your thoughts and symptoms.

★ once you can't hear or don't get anymore thought boom welcome to the void.

II. Second method this just include the wim hof's breathing technique without pink noises instead we're gonna use subliminals,if you have read voidprincess's post she mentioned with screenshots people have lucid dream with this breathing technique.

★ Use this 3 subliminal I recommend as someone who rarely get results from subliminal I recommend this 3.

You can use it in two way way use them before doing the breathing technique or listen overnight after the breathing technique then set intention to get lucid while dreaming.

[eshithepetty]

LISTEN. I KNOWWW that the polls haven't even started, but I'm impatient, ok, I'm just putting this out there now cause I can't take it..... anyways - I've seen people do powerpoints as a way to campaign for their blorbos in the various polls that have been going on, so!! I thought I'd do one of my own for the @autismswagsummit ^^ as I simply can't pass on any chance to be brainrotted over this series, it seems...

ID under cut, as it's very long!

[ID: a powerpoint presentation campaigning for Mob from Mob Psycho 100. It's formatted in dark purples and pinks.

The first slide is the titlecard, differing from the main slides by having a pink holographic aura, like the ones from the show, as the background. The text says:

"#MOBSWEEP 2023

Aka why you should vote for Mob in the upcoming autistic swag summit. Please

(JK follow your own heart ^^ but for your consideration:)"

The second slide is titled: "Who is Mob, aka Kageyama Shigeo?" and below the text lists:

"Source: Mob Psycho 100, which is also where Reigen comes from;

The protagonist! Only with background character syndrome (which is why he’s named ‘Mob’ – it’s kinda like naming your protag ‘John Doe’ lol);

A 14 year old with the psychic strength to destroy the world. Which he’s not very happy about actually;

Cause really, he’s just a nice, gentle boy who simply wants to improve and impress his crush by getting swole :) Oh, and he also experiences the horrors. Btw."

On the right of this text, there are two images: One is a zoomed in screenshot of Mob, his face blank and confused, and the other is an official art of the show, depicting Mob in the center, aura glowing, with many of the show's other characters around him, with the show's title at the bottom of the image.

The third slide's title is "Ok but tell me more about the autism", and below, the text says:

"Gladly ^^

Ok, first off – symptoms:

Bad at reading social cues, detecting sarcasm, lies, etc.;

Struggles with recognizing/expressing emotions. Has what could be called psychic meltdowns;

Very honest and blunt, sometimes appearing ‘ruthless’ as a result;

Explicitly low empathy, in that he can’t feel what others are feeling;

Actually very compassionate, and follows a really strict moral code;"

There are no images in this or the next slide.

The fourth slide is a continuation of the previous, with the text being:

"Abnormal reaction to sensations, but instead of overreacting, he underreacts, rarely responding to physical touch and disturbing imagery. Has shown to be at times sensitive to loud sounds, however;

Prefers following a routine. One of his biggest conflicts with Reigen literally arise from the man often calling him out of the blue and making him suddenly adapt, which Mob finds really annoying/upsetting;

Struggles in school. Explicitly bad at math, japanese and PE (really passionate about the latter tho), which could be for a variety of reasons, autism related conditions (like dyscalculia/dyslexia/dyspraxia) being one of them;

Has felt like an outcast for most of his life. Even if he grew up in a pretty loving environment, he recognizes that he is different to others, and people sometimes treat him as such (in a /neg way);

His main arc is about overcoming trauma and… just masking (and how to stop doing it), pretty much, lol."

The fifth slide, in contrast, is mostly just images, placed upon a white background. The title for this one is "Alternatively, just look at him:"

The images, from top to down, and then left to right, are:

Three cropped subtitles out of screenshots of the show, which say:

"I'm sure I just got the wrong idea again. How embarrassing."

"He's detached from urban legends, fads, and other hot topics among people."

"You just can't lie, can you?"

The fourth is a cropped screenshot of Mob's explosion meter. Both in Japanese and English. Specifically, it says: "Progress towards Mob's explosion: 92%". Additionally, there is an annotation above this image, saying: "Literally has a meltdown meter ksfdks"

In-between these and the next column of images, there is also a transparent image of Mob, him standing stiffly, faced towards the camera, his standard, blank expression with a small smile on his face.

The next column of images goes like this:

A screenshot from the show, done in paint on glass, of various kids towering over Mob, who's standing in the middle of the image, small. Their expressions wary, from sneering, to frowning, to looking disgusted. The subtitles at the bottom say, with one part blocked out due to spoilers: "[spoilers] didn't treat me any differently even though I could use psychic powers."

Next two are cropped dialogues as well. They say:

"This version of him was created from being suppressed and locked away."

"Social skills like that are beyond you."

And on the right of the slide is one vertical image, showing one of Mob's books, with the subtitles translating the Japanese title of the book as "The Proper Way of Reading the Room". Next to this one, there is also an annotation, saying: "He has a book on learning social cues :’)" That's all for this slide.

The sixth slide is titled "Is he good rep though?" Text below is:

"Well, to answer the first thing relevant to this question… no, he’s not actually confirmed canon autistic. But c’mon.. it’s so obvious. This kid is not fucking allistic like c’monnnn

Of course, what people consider good and bad rep is gonna vary from person to person. But to explain why a lot of people see him as very positive rep:

"1) He’s the main character, so he gets the most spotlight, and the narrative is formed around his pov, in that we only see things that are relevant to Mob, and visually things are often represented in the way Mob sees them as well (take the body improvement club or Tsubomi, for example), which puts all viewers soundly in his shoes and makes him easy to relate to and sympathize with, and makes it clear how important his emotions and view of things really are;"

On the right of this are 3 images against a white background. The first one is a screenshot of the Body Improvement Club - 5 very buff and large dudes - standing against an explosively red and yellow background, with all of them enthusiastically flexing. The caption below that is "The body improvement club! ...they're supposed to be middle schoolers lol".

The next two, below the first one, are two screenshots of Tsubomi. The one on the left has her smiling, her eyes wide and bright, the background being pastel pinks and yellows. The one on the right, however, has her frowning, the background turned black, her eyes dark and disinterested. The caption below says: "Tsubomi :) And how her design subtly changes alongside Mob’s view of her".

The seventh slide is a continuation of the previous, with the text being:

"2) He’s a very well rounded character, with well thought out strengths, flaws, motives, and his overall story is very cohesive and satisfying; 3) His autistic traits are portrayed neutrally – in both where they help, and where they can cause conflict. It balances between him learning what things he would benefit to address and deal with, and what things he shouldn’t be trying to change at all, and as the whole message of the show emphasizes – he is no more or less special than anyone, no more or less of a person – he is simply human, and his autistic traits are just part of what makes him himself."

This one has images next to it as well. The first one is a screenshot of Reigen looking towards the camera (at an off-screen Mob), hand to his chin, eyebrow raised and smiling, some food crumbs still stuck to his face, as he says: "Today you happened to save some people that only you could have saved." Next to it is the annotation: "Reigen reassuring Mob about how his inability to read the room and feel empathy actually can be a huge benefit sometimes :)"

The next image below is a zoom in of Mob's face, his eyes shadowed by his hair, the scene's lighting dark, as he says: "I'm not being mocked, nor am I easily taken advantage of." The annotation next to this one says "Mob learning to recognize his emotions and assert himself better as the story goes on!"

And the last two images is a screenshotted dialogue, saying "You don't think changing yourself for someone you love is natural?" "I don't. At least, not when we're talking about [spoilers]" (The last bit is blocked out again).

The eight slide is also a continuation. The text says:

"4) He is loved. Loved by his friends, his family, his allies… even most villains come to take a liking to him. In fact, he’s something I haven’t seen many autistic characters be – he’s admired! So many characters, and even viewers of the show I’ve found, really admire him and want to be more like him. And not because he’s a perfect person, or super smart or anything, but because he sincerely tries his best. And I just really appreciate that, personally,, 5) And more than just loved, he is accepted – the whole main arc and the resolution of his story centers around that, around how important it is to feel accepted by the people around you, in all your entirety, no matter how strange or destructive you may feel yourself to be. And how you need to come to accept yourself in the same way as well. I just think that’s a really sweet in a story centering around a neurodivergent person :’)"

And the images next to it are as follows:

A screenshot of dialogue from the show, saying: "At first glance, Mob may seem unreliable, but his strength is undeniable." The annotation clarifies with: "The ‘strength’ in question, in this case, being Mob’s ability to reach out to people ^^";

A screenshot of Teru placed against a blindingly white background, him grinning widely, looking down, eyes shining, as he says: "I knew it, you really are amazing!". Next to him, there is a small caption of "Lol gayass /pos";

And a screenshot of Mob, in the bottom center of the image, small, as he is surrounded by various characters. Most of them are smiling encouragingly, with the ones closest to him, like Reigen, Ritsu, Dimple, Teru and Tsubomi, being bigger and placed in the front. A small caption at the top says: "He has so many friends and allies ueueeueueue.."

The ninth slide is titled "Additionally:" and the text lists:

"Psychic powers as a metaphor for being nd/othered, if that suits your fancy;

His design is iconic and versatile;

The boy has. Issues;;

There are many other characters in mp100 who can be read as autistic. Not a single neurotypical in this show /hj

Mob has more than just autism swag. I’ve seen people with bipolar disorder, ADHD, anxiety and those who are plural (etc.) also relate to him :)

He is simply the Boy ever"

Next to the last line is a small, low quality image of Mob smiling from the manga. The rest of the images, on the right, are:

The meme "I can be your angle....or yuour devil", with images of Mob instead - on the left, him smiling brightly and blushing, placed upon a colorful magenta background, and on the right, a panel from the manga: Mob in one of his explosion states, surrounded by fire, face shadowed, hair pushed back by his powers and waving in the air, and his eyes, wide and eerie, being the only features on his face that are visible.

On the right of these images, there is a smaller one, of Mob in another one of his explosion states (the one from episode 3, season 1 of the anime). He is facing to the side, aura surrounding him, hair pushed back by his powers and his eyes a glower. His pupils are red.

Below these, there are three images of, in order, Serizawa, Tome and Ritsu. Serizawa is sweating, nervous, Tome is sweating even more and yelling into a phone, and Ritsu is simply glaring towards the camera. The annotation pointing to them says: "A few of the other autistic blorbos in question :] (as I personally see them at least)".

And the last is a panel from the manga, of Mob sobbing, tears and drool dripping messily down his face, his hair waving in the air. His expression is somewhat blank despite the clear distress, and the text boxes next to him read: "His tears won't stop. It's an emotion he has never experienced before."

And the tenth, final slide, is formatted the same as the titlecard with the pink aura background, and says:

"Thank you if you got this far <3

Have good days everyones, and remember, the true win for autism is the fun we had along the way :]

Buh bye!! ^_^"

Around this text, there are various images of Mob. Counter clockwise, starting at the left corner:

A low quality screenshot of Mob flying in the air;

Mob, in his puppy hoodie, sweating in distress as he points at a vase;

Mob caught mid smear frame, his leg kicked high in the air as he jumps, his school bag swinging to the side, his expression comically flustered.

A panel from the manga. Mob's eyes are shadowed, chopsticks held to his face, as he stares to the side and says "Tch... Shut up and eat.";

A Mob in an alleyway from the anime, smiling, pointing and looking up and to the left (the center of the slide);

A photo of a Mob plushie tucked into bed;

A low quality screenshot of Mob, standing against a wire fence, facing forwards, his eyes appearing a bit angry due to his hair cowering them.

End ID.]

[aguineapigcouldntdothis]

I do not find it reasonable that the term "ashkenormativity" is frequently used to mean "asheknazi jews, aka the white european ones, are racist, colorist, and even antisemitic against other jews". not only is that an improper definition with loads of information, it fails to recognize that the people who are most likely to perpetuate ashkenormativity are goyim.

for the purpose of this post, I will be going with the definition that ashkenormativity is the belief that ashkenazi people are the default jews, which leads to them getting more respect, opportunities, recognition, etc. goyim, especially in the western world, have likely only been exposed to ashkenazi jews, meaning that they are likely to view them as the blueprint. they are simply drawing conclusions from the available information, which in my eyes is not a huge issue. the true problem arises when they learn about other types of jews and immediately decide that we are "improper". because we don't fit their idea of what a jew looks like, acts like, etc., we are either bad jews or not jewish at all.

it is not the fault of ashkenazim that goyim think this way, and it is not their responsibility to fix it. it is also not their fault that most jews in the western world are ashkenazim. it is absolutely the responsibility of goyim to learn that there are many types of jew and we are still one people.

ashkenazim are less likely to spread ashkenormativity than goyim because they are exposed to other jews more often. they may have different norms than a sephardi, mizrahi, etc. jew would, but they're usually able to recognize that we are all jews with a shared culture. and by usually I mean I can count on 1 hand the number of times an ashki jew genuinely thought they were better than us. 2 hands if we're counting repeated offenses from the same person. I believe that has nothing to do with their heritage and everything to do with them being an asshole. point is, learning by observing other jews is an effective tool to combat prejudices. the more examples you see of a non-ashki jew, the more likely you are to correct yourself when you promote ashkenormativity.

i feel like a fun exercise would be to compare 2 separate interactions ive had with a goy and a ashkenazi jew. both contain examples of ashkenormativity. neither is significantly worse than the other so they are close enough to compare.

interaction with goy:

context is we were talking about jewish traditions and it got to the topic of food. I actually cooked a ton this year i didnt know what I was in for.

me: I won't cook that much this year, but usually id eat a lot of unleavened cakes and rice for passover

goy: i thought you guys ate matzah

me: I mean yeah but we eat other stuff too. im sephardi so I get more options which is fun (this was said as a joke, not judging anyone)

goy: oh so you're not really jewish then?

me: no im still jewish, Im just not ashkenazi and we have some cultural differences

goy: but like you're not jewish religiously, right??

me: I mean im not orthodox but yeah im still a religious jew. i just practice based on my culture its not hard to get

goy: wouldn't it be easier to just do what everyone else does though

me: yeah I just like doing this more it's fun for me

goy: yeah whatever I dont get this im done

interaction with ashki jew:

context is i was at shabbat dinner chilling on a couch and talking to a friend i made

ashki jew: so you know that shul down by (location)

me: the what?

ashki jew: ...the shul??

me: I've never heard that word in my life what is that

ashki jew: its just the synagogue. you've never heard that word before?

me: no i was so confused ive always just called it synagogue. sometimes the old people would call it kal never shul though

ashki jew: ok just like tell me if I confuse you with my yiddish again

I feel as if the differences between these interactions is quite clear. so, I wont go into heavy detail analyzing them. the basic idea is that during the conversation with the goy, I kept explaining myself and they refused to listen. they believed that ashki jews were better than me and that they themselves were also better than me. I was essentially told that I do not know anything about judaism because in their eyes I am not truly a jew. during the conversation with the ashkenazi jew, they explained themselves immediately because we are equals. they know we are both jews and we're more similar than we are different. it surprised them that I didn't know what shul meant, yet they did not use that as an excuse to tear me down.

I truly think people do ashkenazim a disservice by assuming that they are power hungry jews (*cough* antisemitic stereotype *cough*) who will stop at nothing to be better than the sad little sephardim and mizrahim. in reality, most of them, like my lovely friend, are more than willing to learn and share with other jews. the people who are truly hurting us are the goyische antisemites.

this is gonna sound hypocritical because I just made a long ass post about an intracommunity issue, however, can we please just focus the majority of our energy on the actual antisemites who are truly hurting us instead of other jews? this is an important topic that we need to discuss it's just not the most important thing us jews have going on. other jews are my friends and I refuse to be separated from them for the approval of goyim, and I know they will show me that same kindness.

note: I am just not feeling like myself today forgive any weird writing mistakes ill fix them later or maybe not

[crimeronan]

Camila horror thoughts. In the horrifically fraught family horrors sense of the term.

What if Vee has specifically warned Camila about Hunter, told her all about what he specifically has done in order to give her a heads up, in a way naturally coloured by the views she has (not unreasonably) built up around Hunter because of all the stuff she's done.

So naturally she's got this wariness of Hunter that does not compute when she sees how genuinely caring he is with Luz even if logically she knows people can act remarkably differently in different contexts and none of it negates all the stuff he did with The Basilisks for Belos. But Camila is still pretty sure that Luz doesn't know, and is terrified that if she knew it might destroy something that she is desperately reliant on, her relationship with Hunter. It probably wouldn't, Luz could probably live with that since well horrible nightmare trauma soulmates and by Luz's standards she's done just as bad in a similar context but Camila and Luz keeping secrets for almost the exact same reason (to protect the people they love from horrors they are too insane to be affected by) appeals to me.

But the problem now arises, Camila's told Luz that she has adopted another kid, and Luz in the spirit of trying her best to reach out does want to see Vee or have her visit with Camila next time she comes or something like that since like, thats a normal thing to do on reconnecting with your estranged mother and finding out you have an adopted sister you've never met.

Vee, bless is not going along with that "don't tell Luz how horrible Hunter is since she is hopelessly codependent on him" bullshit at all. Camila knows that, Vee knows that. Camila knows she cannot ethically or reasonably expect Vee to not spill all of Hunter's darkest secrets to Luz in an attempt to ruin his life since, y'know all the stuff he did to her specifically.

For Vee the nicest most compromise-y thing she can do, is just never meet Luz face to face, and thats only because of her respect for Camila. But there's no way Luz isn't going to to notice or be concerned about this so there's this constant ticking time bomb of "when am i gonna meet Vee' since "oh she's off at college" isn't gonna work forever.

god this is all so good. i've been thinking about it since you sent this ask a few hours ago now. bc like. god. there's So Much....

i think you're 100% right that vee would try to stay out of things. she's like mama respectfully i'm ready to meet her IF i'm allowed to scream a lot of pent-up utterly unhinged bullshit but otherwise i think it's best for me not to be involved.

and camila is SUCH a bad liar. if she tried to say that things were fine with vee, luz would clock that something was wrong immediately. she obviously wouldn't jump to "she's from the isles" when there are so many more obvious conclusions -- maybe vee is jealous of luz for being the first daughter camila loved, maybe she's angry at luz for running away, maybe she's sick of luz monopolizing camila's time now when vee is used to having their mom all to herself....

regardless of what luz thinks is most likely, she's definitely like. Ah. I Am Driving A Wedge Between Them. This Is My Fault. On A Personal Level. Somehow.

and then on camila's end, that's even true to a point.... bc vee is getting increasingly more upset by the idea of protecting luz's feelings. i can absolutely see a very tired vee finally having the stress get to her & snapping, "why do you think she'll CARE?? she isn't going to care. even if she's as nice a person as you think she is, it's not like i'm a human or a witch. i'm nothing. she doesn't know how to care about people like me"

...there is, of course, a delicious and vicious irony in that. like. luz Very Much Does Know how to care about someone who isn't a witch or a human.

Oh God.

and then whenever luz meets vee, when it all finally Does come out.... i feel like it would sort of be worse for vee than anything she'd actually braced for. because luz DOES immediately care, she does act like it matters, she immediately wants to know everything and fix everything and make it all better, she immediately takes on all of the responsibility for everything the empire's ever done, she's so sorry, she didn't know, she would have done something, she can do something now--

--and vee is like well. HE knew. and he sure didn't want to help me!! even though i asked him to!! even though he KNEW WHAT THEY WERE DOING TO ME THE ENTIRE TIME

hunter has wisely remained quiet because he doesn't think he can really defend himself here. and luz has this moment of uncertainty and confusion, and then she looks at hunter's face, and for a second vee thinks that he's just going to straight-up deny it, but he doesn't. and luz seems to understand that it's all true.

and she doesn't look angry. or even betrayed.

and then she's trying to tell vee that hunter was always in danger when they were growing up, that there must have been extenuating circumstances that made rescue impossible, that he would have helped her if he could, that luz KNOWS he would have because he wouldn't just leave vee to suffer for no reason, that's not the kind of person he is,

and hunter is the one to be like luz. stop. she doesn't need to hear that right now. she can hate me. it's fine.

so vee's opinions on luz are like. 1) i hate that you're so nice that i look insane for being angry with you 2) you're a spineless coward who can't hold anyone accountable 3) you've fooled camila into thinking you're some helpless delicate flower by pretending to be sad when you DON'T care 4) if hunter is going to agree with me about anything then i should legally get to shoot him. just like once. i've never touched a gun or had any inclination to do so before today But I Should Get To Shoot Him .

camila's role in mediating this has mainly been to gently steer the conversation into more productive territory when it looks like it might devolve into panic attacks or violence from anyone involved. she's so fucking stressed by trying to keep things from coming to blows that there's like. no Way that she could do a professional-level job of Family Therapy Mediator.

god.

much 2 consider.

[spiteful-crow]

Ok, but Jon? I can't be the only one who has noticed that he sounds pretty insecure in his diary whenever he is frustrated or generally not happy with the situation. I think it's worth mentioning because I feel it's an aspect of Jon, which rarely gets addressed. So imma address it now with these examples from the diary:

Sherlock knows I hate the time spent tediously scanning papers. I am certain he could do it faster. Is he trying to avoid me?

Sherry was supposed to help with my writing! He doesn't normally ignore me. Does he think I should get a 'real' job?

It only would have taken a couple of minutes to examine that sailor. Why didn't Sherry have a look? Is it because it wasn't his idea?

Recreating that last scene was torture. Sherlock knows I cannot do it by myself! Was he trying to make fun of me?

Did Sherlock even hear what I was saying? He seemed so distracted. None of his suggestions made sense.

Sherry just recalled the day we moved to the manor! The memories are coming back, but I feel unsettled. Am I getting old?

So what was the point telling him about our tree? Now Sherlock doesn't want to remember our childhood adventures? Then why are we here?

His Royal Highness Sherlock Holmes, the Great and Lazy, did not deign to fulfil my humble request. I should know better than to ask.

This is not gonna be some detailed meta, but things like "Is he even listening?", "Is he avoiding me?", "Is he making fun of me?", they make Jon feel so human. Because these are thoughts most of us have, but most of the time, he isn't the kind of a person you'd describe as anxious, at least not if you only focus on his endless enthusiasm and cheerfulness he displays.

Yet even something as small as spending too long in the archives makes him think Sherlock is doing it on purpose to avoid him and... it just makes me think that Jon, being Sherlock's other half, also pretty much carries Sherlock's insecurities as well.

Only, Jon puts it into words. He doesn't mind being vulnerable and speaking about his feelings when they are hurt. I think Sherlock is aware how easily Jon feels insecure about stuff, and he pretty much tries to intervene before such feelings arise. Hence this scene

I have said it so many times, but this scene sums their relationship up so perfectly! It's my favourite interaction of them. Sherlock is aware Jon hates being invisible because it makes him feel like less than real people (remember the Theatre memory and Jon's bitterness about it). But Sherlock can't really help Jon, Jon's nature can't be changed. The only thing Sherlock can do for Jon is to pay attention to him and to let him know that he is appreciated. There is a lot of banter between them and they even have a fight or two, but never does Sherlock imply that Jon is unwelcome or unwanted (until the end, that is, but that's a topic I won't address today💀). It's because Sherlock knows it doesn't take a lot for Jon to start to question his position in Sherlock's life and feel insecure about it. Jon depends on Sherlock's will entirely, and it's a sucky position to be in, and Sherlock acknowledges it and does the only thing he can to make it easier for Jon - he treats him with care and compassion.

[thatgirl4815]

Sand & Ep11

I keep remembering this ask I got a while back, and I think it's important now more than ever.

If I was Sand, I personally would not give Boeing the time of day for what he did to me. I would be livid. I would never speak to him again.

But Sand is not me. Sand is more forgiving than is probably healthy for him. Even though it is something I hope he works on for his own benefit, it doesn't change the fact that for the moment, that is who he is. That's his flaw just as much as it his strength.

Caring for people is generally regarded as a positive trait because it is, but there's a such thing as caring too much for people who do not show that same care back to you. That is the position Sand seems to find himself in continuously. I believe Ray does care about Sand, but it took so long for that to be communicated to Sand in the way he deserves. The reason their relationship has lasted is because Sand does not demand that reassurance the way many people would, even though he might want it. Words of affirmation are not at the top of Sand's love language list.

Abandonment

I don't want to prescribe any definitive long-term childhood response to Sand from what little information we have, but given the emphasis on Sand's absent father, I think it's safe to say that Sand faces some abandonment issues. Growing up, he only ever had his mom; of course he was bound to cling to her very tightly. That is where I imagine his caring behavior has stemmed from most. Additionally, having so few people on his life that he could rely on, he learned to be a support system for others and learn not to complain for what he has.

I think Sand is in a position where he objectively understands that he is mistreated. He admits as much to both Ray and Nick. But he can’t break out of this cycle because there’s a deep-seated fear in him. A fear of being alone? A fear of being abandoned? A fear of not being good enough or “special” to anyone?

I have been wrestling with myself over the past day about Sand’s behavior in Ep11. And I’ve realized that a reason why I feel so ambivalent about it—a reason I don’t like to admit—is because it’s related to Boeing, not Ray.

Sand has received the same criticism he’s facing in Ep11 in past episodes: i.e., “He needs to know his worth and tell off Ray for what he’s doing to him.” A very similar situation has now arisen with Boeing. Sand is once again trapped in the cycle. He is nice to Boeing because even after what Boeing does to him, he cannot handle the thought of banishing him from his life for good—not when Boeing is still here and willing to engage with him. Again, we see the conflict between what he knows he should do and what he defaults to.

I empathize with Sand’s plight here, and I understand that it is difficult for him to react to Boeing and Ray. Where my frustrations arise are in the way he reacts to Ray’s reaction.

Ray is insanely passive aggressive at the end of Ep11. Sand has seen this all before; Ray lingers at the bar after being told to go home, he invites Boeing over without really wanting to invite him over, and he invites Sand to get naked in the pool with them. Each time, Boeing eggs him on by agreeing, playing up the guise of “we’re all friends here!” while simultaneously making both pointed and subtle jabs at his previous relationship with Sand (the most obvious being the “we’ve already seen every part of each other” line).

I’m of the belief that Sand is very aware of how Ray feels, especially in that ending shot when he looks between Ray and Boeing. But he does not ever confront Boeing or disengage from the situation. He’s playing into Boeing’s guise, and both he and Ray know it.

In virtually every part of Part 4, we see Sand caught in this same perpetual cycle where he lets people walk all over him. While I empathize with his struggles, as I said, there's a part of me that believes his boyfriend’s discomfort with the situation should supersede that. He committed to Ray, not Boeing, and this situation with Boeing is posing a threat to that.

This is not me saying that Sand needs to scream at Boeing and cuss him out for what he did to him. But I do think Sand needs to acknowledge much more firmly that he is Ray’s boyfriend. Sand can be nice to Boeing and offer him friendship, but he cannot allow Boeing to make advances on him and hang around with them when Boeing so clearly has other intentions. (There’s an argument that maybe Boeing does genuinely want a friendship with Sand, but after the way he talks with Sand and how he handled the TopMew situation, I don’t believe that for a second).

This isn’t easy for Sand, but when Ray is right there, he has to be more direct. Boeing was his past but Ray is his present. Much like how Sand encouraged Ray to go to rehab, I think Ray will encourage Sand to stand up for himself against Boeing.

[mirai-e-jump]

Hero Vision Vol.14 (2004/Spring) ft. Kamen Rider Blade Cast Interviews Takayuki Tsubaki & Hironari Amano Segment (translation below)

Publication: May 20, 2004 (between episodes 17-18) Takayuki Tsubaki (Kazuma Kenzaki) & Hironari Amano (Sakuya Tachibana)

"In the show, you play the roles of senior and junior, but in real life, from Tsubaki-kun's point of view, Amano-san is his senior when it comes to the entertainment industry. Do you ever confide your problems in him?"

Tsubaki: Yes, I do.

Amano: (suppressing his laughter) That's a liiie~.

Tsubaki: Ah! But, what about the time we went out to dinner together, or……ah, actually, I can't remember (said lacking confidence).

"When on set, who's the one that's most supportive and follows up with others?"

Amano: No matter who it is, if someone was yelled at or feeling discouraged, everyone follows up with them by saying, "Don't worry about it!" Everyone's so upbeat, and we're always laughing on set.

"When it comes to acting, do you ever talk about things like, "Going forward, let's do this"?"

Amano: Hmmm……For me, I'm not sure where my role is heading. I try not to establish the role from the beginning, but rather, add new elements as the opportunities arise. At first, I thought Tachibana was a calm, cool person who didn't show any emotions, but to my surprise, there are scenes of him losing his temper and yelling early on in the show.

"Do you and Tachibana have anything in common?"

Amano:……The tendency to worry. But, even though in the past I wouldn't tell people about my worries, recently, I've started to actually do so. I've come to realize just how easy it is.

"Tachibana also has a soft side for Sayoko."

Amano: I want to make Tachibana look more human. It's normal for a human to have many sides. There's the face you have during work, and the face you have in your private life. Now, Tachibana is trying to be strong by not relying on others, and it makes me think, "This isn't how a Rider's supposed to be!" (laughs). It may not be the usual justice of the past, but I think it would be great if Tachibana could overcome his obstacles and gain some confidence.

"Tsubaki-kun, do you think there are any similarities between yourself and Kenzaki?"

Tsubaki:……(vaguely) The stupid part of him? (laughs).

"Is it true that you became an actor because you wanted to learn how to express your feelings due to not having any?"

Tsubaki: I don't have any emotions at all, it's like I'm not a normal human, so it's really fun to "become" a human being when I get into the role. When I was younger, I was so loud, that people would often tell me, "You're noisy!"……Various things have happened since then, and I think I've calmed down abit. I also thought that while I'm a Rider, it would be easier for me to be Kenzaki if I didn't have "myself" in mind, so I've decided to think only about Kenzaki for the rest of the year. That's also why when I'm on set and Morimoto-kun is standing right next to me, my blood starts to rush. I think, "Why can't we fight even though I'm here?!"

Amano: Before we start filming, I try to reduce any tension (in order to become Tachibana), but this guy, he does the role the entire time. That's why he speaks in such a weird way. Even when we all eat together, he'll suddenly say, "You Bastard!," and "Get lost!" He would then start beating on Morimoto-kun, whose face looked as though it were saying, "Ehhhh~?!" (laughs). Morimoto-kun would then also act back.

Tsubaki: Morimoto-kun and I have to fight everyday anyway…..

"You'll soon start filming for the movie, where you'll have to think even more about Riders.

Tsubaki:……I don't know what will happen to me if Tachibana-san betrays me any further (said seriously).

Amano: I like how over such trivial things, you'll suddenly start speaking normally! When he talks to me over the phone, he's like, "Tachibana-san! it's Kenzaki! Where are you right now? Please call me back!" It's like he's prank calling me (laughs).

Tsubaki: For Morimoto-kun, "Hajime?!," is what I'll say when I call him. "I'll kill you," is what he'll say in response……

Amano: Ah, but when you talk to me and Morimoto-kun, you do talk normally.

"Morimoto-kun seems like he's trying to match Tsubaki-kun's pace (laughs). Maybe Tsubaki-kun is the type of person who needs to be taken care of by everyone?"

Tsubaki: That's right. But, it can't be helped, since Tachibana-san is currently acting so violent.

Amano: You're talking about in the show, right?

Tsubaki: Ah, right.

"Do you have a favorite line from the show?"

Amano: For me it's, "My body is falling apart!" People will constantly say it as a joke when on set. Hearing it actually makes me very happy.

"It's known that Tsubaki-kun's lines and way of speaking have become a popular topic of conversation among the fans (laughs). I think it's because they love the ridiculous feel of it."

Tsubaki:……I have mixed feelings about it. I'm glad it's being talked about, but still……(saddened).

Amano: During the dubbing process, the tension is so high, that it gives me alot of energy. In the recording room, everyone goes, "Hah! Hah!" (panting) for even the smallest action scenes. Recently, Tachibana's body has been falling apart to the point of hyperventilating due to the excessive panting (laughs).

"Have there ever been times during filming where you thought, "I really messed up big time!"?"

Amano & Tsubaki (at the same time): The snowy mountain scene in episode 3!

Amano: It was so cold that I couldn't move my mouth.

Tsubaki: My face was frozen. But, you can't tell just how hot or cold it is on when watching on the screen, so either way it's still bad.

"We'd like to thank you for all the hard work you go through when filming everyday."

Amano: Before that, I fell asleep for the first time on the Yamanote Line and circled it completely. I got on the train at Ikebukuro, then suddenly realized, I was back in Ikebukuro again. I looked at my watch and said, "Huh, I'm still here, so why is it so late?! Shit! I circled the line!" (laughs).

Tsubaki: I'd be totally fine with it if that happened to me.

"Would you consider yourself athletic and physically fit?"

Tsubaki: No, I'm just young.

Amano:……Would it be alright if I got upset? (laughs). He's not athletic at all! When we were at the snowy mountains, we all snowboarded together, but after like 2 or 3 times, he said, "I'm leaving. I'm tired. I'm sleepy." I was like, "Hey, hey, hold on, Blade!" (laughs).

"You really go at your own pace, don't you? Since you were young, have you always thought you were alittle different from other people?"

Tsubaki: By the time I realized it, people were already calling me weird. But, since we all start out by crawling, in a way, aren't we all weird?

Amano: Oh, that's pretty deep.

"Amano-san, what was your childhood like?"

Amano: I wanted to become independent as soon as possible, so I started looking for part time work by the time I was in my fourth and fifth year of elementary school. One of my friend's mother recommended becoming a child model as a way to earn money with ease, so I ended up joining an agency on my own. I've been in the entertainment world ever since then.

Tsubaki: I become easily emotional when I watch dramas, so….

"So you also wanted to inspire people?"

Tsubaki: (firmly) No, I just wanted to do it myself.

"How honest of you (laughs). Do you feel you're more likely to grow when receiving praise?" Tsubaki: I want to be criticized for my performance. I'm obviously still not good at it, so I need to be told these things in order to become better.

Amano: Well said, I can see just how serious you are (is impressed). I tend to get carried away when I receive praise. But, I also become discouraged when I'm criticized. It's like my weakness…..

"Finally, would you please give a message to the fans?"

Amano: Eh? Ah…(timid) please pay attention to how I grow in the future……

Tsubaki: Tachibana-san! You're the senior here!

Amano: Ah, you're right. We're all working very hard on this, so please continue to watch us!

Tsubaki: Please watch usss!!

[retromotherfuckers]

OBX Rock Band AU (headcanon)

Characters:

jj maybank, john b routledge, pope hayward, kiara carrera, sarah cameron

Word Count:

~700

A/N:

i have no idea if this has been done before but the idea came to me the other night in the shower lol. i’m in a band so you can guess what i loosely based this on

JJ - Drums

is my opinion biased on this one? probably

my favorite band member and character

the one with the most problems

drinks a little too much,  stoner

personal life in shambles most of the time

once he found the drums as an outlet he dove into it, eventually becoming an intensely devoted musician 

that drum set has seen some things

jj lets his anger out on that poor, innocent drum set

all the different pieces have had to be replaced so many times because he beats the living shit out of them

the one that got john b into rock music and the rest was history

he's not one of the chill drummers who just shows up and does their thing, this man is a show-off

so many tricks

long solos whenever the chance arises for one

flirts with the entire band

music genres: rock, grunge, alt, metal

bands/artists: Sex Pistols, Led Zeppelin, AC/DC, Nirvana, Guns N’ Roses, Def Leppard

John B - Lead Vocals/Rhythm Guitar

a no-brainer. this is practically canon

no i will not be hearing opposing opinions at this time

he's the frontman

the one most people's eyes are drawn to right away

controls the vibe in the room

him and jj put on a show

stoner

is naturally a gifted singer, but had a vocal coach for a little while to get some pointers

rhythm guitar because most rock songs need at least two guitars and he's played guitar since he was a kid just for fun

music genres: country, rock, alt, pop when jj isn't around

bands/artists: The Rolling Stones, Paramore, Fall Out Boy, Aerosmith, Taylor Swift, Johnny Cash 

Pope - Lead Guitar/Band Manager

he's just there to vibe but also an incredibly skilled guitarist 

the one that tries extremely hard to keep everyone on track, but can't because no one listens to him

also the one that found kiara and Sarah

he's classically trained, but he only did classical as a kid because that's what he thought the smart kids were supposed to do

he plays like Slash: relatively controlled body language, but his fingers fly back and forth on the frets 

music nerd

everyone can tell he loves what he's doing

manager because who else would manage these fools?

music genres: rock, alt, indie rock

bands/artists: Falling in Reverse, Foo Fighters, Arctic Monkeys, Green Day, Hozier, The Killers, The 1975

Kiara - Bass

i will not be accepting arguments on this one

she 100% grew up on cello, but wanted to rebel against her parents as a teen and switched to rock but realized she fucked with it

this girl is hot as all hell and knows it, but has nothing to prove

she's one of the more responsible members of the group but also super laid-back

stoner

effortlessly keeps everyone in check 

she just wants to vibe and play some songs

flirts with the entire band

weird, hippie, earthy screams bass player

music genres: indie rock, r&b, pop punk, anything from the '60s and '70s

bands/artists: Janis Joplin, The Strokes, Young The Giant, Hozier, Paramore, Joan Jett, Whitney Houston

Sarah - Backup Vocals

she was definitely an attention seeker in her young years and would've hated backup, but now she's perfectly content chilling in the background with some killer harmonies 

she has a few songs she leads in the set when john b needs a rest

she absolutely KILLS them

but she loves playing with the melody and adding a harmony on something that you wouldn't expect

this girl has perfect pitch so harmonizing takes about 3% effort from her

if a song is too low for her or too high for john b, she transposes everything (perfect pitch and all)

she will. not. touch. an electric guitar with a 10-foot pole. 

don't ask, i have no explanation for that one

on the occasion a song needs keys, she's the go-to

music genres: she's a retired theatre kid so she listens to just about everything under the sun except country

bands/artists: Taylor Swift, The Beatles, Queen, Marvin Gaye, Stevie Knicks, Amy Winehouse

[h-s-moonshadow]

Sigils and Servitude: Part 21

Nomira’s eyes lit up, and suddenly Orsa felt like she was looking at a different woman. Gone were the cold silver eyes of someone who now commanded servants. Gone was the posture of a princess, constantly checked and managed. Instead a different posture appeared in Nomira. One that Orsa could not quite place. She laughed softly.

“Well! Here goes then.” Orsa had given this pitch so many times she had it well and truely memorized. 

“While not a a vast problem now. There have been moments during hard times where our kingdom’s middle class has fallen in wealth substantially. Where those with families have needed to sell their houses and valuables to survive, essentially leaving them homeless on the streets of Untine. I seek to fix the problems that arise from that. Those who live homeless on the streets might still have a chance of making a life for themselves, of becoming comfortable. Yet at the moment they have no help in doing so. Help that is so desperately needed.

That is why I am preposing these Reform Homes. A communal home that allows for free stay so long as those staying there are working towards a job. Towards owning a home. So long as they are steadily getting better. This benefits everyone in the long run. It makes sure that our people have ways to still live a good life, even after or during times that it might be harder to.”

Orsa glanced at Nomira. “Do you want me to go into the details or is that enough for you?”

Nomira took a moment then nodded. “That’s enough for now.” She regarded Orsa with those silver eyes. Then paused. “I’m not actually sure I can help with this.” Orsa watched as Nomira’s cheeks darkened. “This isn’t Galdraz. This is Untine. You most likely have different laws and ideas. I haven’t been spending time here actually learning those laws. Though perhaps it would be a good idea to.”

Orsa blinked. “You had me recite all of that just to tell me you can’t help? Nomira, are you doing well?” A brief pause as something Nomira said clicked in her head. “What have you been looking up in here?”

Nomira’s blush somehow got even darker. “Well, I’m used to workshopping my own pitches but those are based on Galdrazian law, so workshopping pitches with laws that I don’t understand means that whatever knowledge I might have of my own does not translate here. I’m greatly,” She paused looking at the books. “I mean I could do some light reading if you have those open to the proper pages.” She reached for one of the books, picking it up and starting to skim. “Sigil mechanics. Remaking the notebook that your father took from me. It’s going to take a while, especially when I can only devote thirty minutes to an hour every day for it.”

Orsa blinked. She was casually using the- when in the world did she even come into the library. Orsa had never found her here in the evenings. Indeed Nomira was usually at Orsa’s side or off attending to some task that needed doing. Orsa had no idea when Nomira even had the time to come into the library and take notes on sigils. “Why?” A simple question, and the first to escape Orsa’s mouth.

“I love them.” She said softly. “That’s really all. I love Sigils.” Nomira glanced at Orsa. “Now I’m in the birthplace of Sigils. I’m going to do all I can to learn of them.”

Orsa thought for a moment closing one of her books. “You’re good at sigils right?”

“As good as a woman with no formal training, no actual power, and just old books to teach her can be.” Nomira shrugged. “There’s so much that can be done with sigils Orsa. I had intended to come here when I was old enough and gain the gift from a dragon. When I got home, I could use the power of sigils to make the lives of my people easier.”

Orsa blinked. “How would you do that? Sigils can be useful sure but they have so many limitations…”

Nomira paused. “I once devised a sigil that could heat up water, to a bathing temperature or to a boil. One that could light a fire if needed. One that transported water so that aquaducts would not be needed.” As she continued her voice grew more passionate. In that way that only those who truely cared about something could talk of. “They’re all in my notebook… plus so much more.” Nomira’s silver eyes clouded as she thought. “Silly little Sigils that I’d use to play pranks on my brother. More serious sigils to help my soon to be husband… after we had an heir and he was off doing his own thing.”

Orsa blinked. “Right, I keep forgetting that you were about to be married.” She felt guilty again. Her sigil had brought Nomira here. Nomira did not seem to still be angry about it, but Orsa’s guilt settled in her stomach. “These sigils that you’re speaking of sound amazing. I’ll try to convince my father to let you get your notebook back.”

Nomira blinked. “You will?” 

Orsa laughed softly. “Yes, if it can help you get those together, would you be willing to share them with me? My ability with Sigils is not really something that I can do. But with the help of Sigilists, perhaps we can build something here that makes use of all the research you’ve put into this.”

Nomira smiled. “Thank you! Truely, thank you.” Then she paused. “Do you want me there to take notes for you at the meeting?”

Orsa blinked glancing at the library clock. Then she nodded. “I do. Come with me. We can talk more after my proposal gets shot down.”

[endogenichaven]

Hello! I have begun to suspect I'm a system. Mostly, because of that feeling of just being a different person, or temporarily/partially a fictional character. I suspect it's more of a "median" thing, if I'm not misusing the term, although occasionally there are minor instances where I might be experiencing amnesia, like there might be someone regularly giving homeless people much bigger bills than I originally intend to give out, and I'm way too fastidious to be making this mistake this often. However, I admit I am quite frightened. I feel like I'm trapping someone else in my shitty life and ill body, with even less autonomy I already lack. I also can't help but be at a loss of what kind of things I would talk to these people about, and have trouble thinking of what kind of value I would bring to them as a companion. Some of the people I think might be here, are pretty impressive fascinating individuals. I am someone who has nothing going on. I'm scared of puppeting them or abusing them, already exerting terrible control without even knowing it, if there really is a whole person rattling around in there. I am also admittedly scared of losing control. The idea of someone possessing my body and ruining my life is extremely scary to me. Of there being someone who I can't leave or escape at all. I'm an extremely private person, who values my independence, and is slow to trust. And lastly, I guess I'm scared they'll hate me. I have a long history of being disliked and mistreated, and I don't know if I could bear it if it came from someone apart of my very own mind. I don't know. Thanks for listening. Any advice, I guess?

It's okay to be scared! Many systems are when they first approach the idea that they may be one themselves. Try to take the idea slowly, and as it comes. We suggest managing each new situation involving your system as it arises, and not stressing too much about the details for now.

Generally, from what we've seen from tulpas (an example of a headmate with less autonomy in the beginning) they're usually just happy to exist with their host no matter the circumstances, and resentment usually only forms if the host is abusive, or there was trauma beforehand that led to that headmate. They don't usually feel trapped or upset at existing, assuming their host treats them well. Regardless of whether your headmates are tulpas or not, this might hold true for you too.

You could talk to them about anything, really. As you're going about your day you might think to yourself about various things, and if they overhear they might be able to add their input. Conversations don't always have to be about big things, they can be about the ordinary as well. If they're impressive people, then it might be nice for them to talk to someone who isn't impressive in the same ways they are - so you wouldn't be boring to them, you might actually be interesting in your own right. And even if you did have nothing going on, some interesting people might be tired of talking to others like them all the time, and find this to be charming. (Think of it how some learned people are delighted to talk to someone who knows nothing of their profession, to tell them about it for the first time.)

The best way to avoid accidentally puppeting them or abusing them is to listen to them when they say they said (or didn't say) something, and respect their consent (or lack of it) in situations that involve it. Accidental puppetting can happen, but it's often a result of the mind being finicky and/or intrusive thoughts, and talking to the headmate usually rectifies the issue. AFAIK it doesn't hurt a headmate to be accidentally puppetted, and most are forgiving when it does occur.

While losing control can be scary, it's not usually something that happens without a reason. Many (but not all) endogenic headmates need some sort of permission to control a body, and even in the case of traumagenic systems usually they won't take over and ruin your life just like that. Trauma can be a factor with a headmate that does take control and refuses to give it up, or otherwise does not appear to compromise with the other sharing their body, but even that can be mitigated by just being nice to them, respecting them, and if possible seeking out therapy for the more traumatized headmates (if they exist). When someone does lose control suddenly, it's more likely to be a result of trauma or triggers, and the headmate taking action to do what they feel is best for the system.

To a certain degree you'll still have privacy inside your own mind, depending on how your system functions. You mentioned minor instances of amnesia, and that in itself might provide you some privacy, but for some systems there are ways to obtain at least partial privacy - we've heard of systems that can choose how much they want to know about the other headmates or prevent unwanted information sharing, and others who strengthened certain mental barriers over time for their own comfort. Headmates may not always be awake and active (many "sleep") and during these times you may find your mind silent, or have the place to yourself temporarily. It is possible to get some level of privacy as a system, even if it may never be the same as a singlet might have.

If there's no trauma or abuse behind them, it's unlikely they'll hate you, especially for no reason. Even in traumagenic systems, there are often many system members who do get along, or can at least work together for each other's benefit. And if they do happen to hate you, it is often possible to rectify any issues by discussing them (why do they feel this way? Is there anything that can be done? What are their needs?), and figuring out solutions together.

Discovering you're a system can be a huge change, and it's alright to be scared. There are ways to mitigate any potential issues that come up, and enjoy being together. Sorry this took a while to answer, but hopefully this helps ease the fears!

[thereallordgrantham]

Hi Lord Grantham, what a surprise! Hope you don’t find the world of 2024 too overwhelming, especially with the general election XD

How did you feel when you first found out about the TV series featuring your life at Downton? It must have been quite shocking. Have you told your family and servants about it? Do they like the idea?

Btw your servants are great, you should be proud of them!

Hello!

2024 is certainly vastly different from what I am used to, but thank God Cora and my family are by my side because I would certainly be overwhelmed by it all without them

Well, I won't lie when I first discovered that our lives were broadcasted to the public in a TV series, I was initially a little upset because I like to keep my life and my beloved Downton rather private. I knew I had to tell my family and all the servants. Everyone was surprised. We never thought we would've caught the attention of so many viewers. Some did not like the attention, while others enjoyed the spotlight. But my family has taught me to see the positive side of it: it forms the public about our way of life and our customs as an aristocratic family, it allows others to see our responsibilities and duties as estate owners, educates people about history and its impacts on civilian life, and most importantly it helps us preserve the legacy of Downton. Although I would rather not have my family's dirty laundry aired out so publicly, I suppose there's a silver lining to it at the end of the day.

And yes, all of our servants here at Downton are lovely and hardworking people! They are the strong foundation of Downton that keeps together and functioning. I am always proud of them and happy to consider ourselves close and loyal to one another. It's always difficult to see such a familiar face leave us here at Downton—well, not always *cough cough* O'Brien *cough cough*. But they are certainly amazing people, and I always wish them the best, whether that's here at Downton or if an opportunity arises for the better in their future

Thank you for the question, have a lovely day!

Inbox or ask me a questionInbox or ask me 1 thing you would like to know about me

[hourafterhour]

hmmm actually i'd be so interested in hearing about why you hated tsc? i personally didn't hate it but thought it was very flawed and would love to hear your critiques <3

very long below!

starting more generally, i thought the structure of it was bizarre, especially the choice to start it where she did. rehashing the end of TKM in very minute detail from a new pov did nothing for me, and i don't think it's where this part of jean's story "starts" if that makes sense. i found a lot of parts really ham-fisted and poorly written, esp very sloppy/lazy/straight up bad characterization (jeremy giving the homeless man a gift card, lmao); and her reliance on very high drama plot points (surprise secret sister - that was when i could not believe what i was forcing myself to keep reading; also reacher showing up, other parts i've forgotten). i think this approach works so well in aftg, where the melodrama is crucial, but it fails here, and i got the impression that she didn't feel like she was telling (what should have been) a fundamentally different type of story in content and structure than aftg. using any of the very compelling interpersonal dynamics wrt jean in her original trilogy to build drama in a subtler way would have been so much more rewarding imo. "can jean make a life outside the nest” is the built in stakes of the story. can he survive what has happened and what comes next. no need to make it any more dramatic than that - those are pretty high dramatic stakes to me. to give a more specific example, i thought the scene abt jean having to relearn how to check because the way the ravens do it is dangerous was excellent, especially when jeremy explicitly tells him “you’re hurting me” and it’s still unclear if that will be enough to make jean resort to a style of gameplay that’s less effective. this is more along the lines of what i’d hope we’d get from this book — subtle moments that arise from this being a sports narrative and a recovery narrative, and the unique situation of jean being forced into intimacy with a new team (again, a situation that is already so dramatically rich!) 

but my main issue is that I think aftg is a pretty exceptional (and exceptionally unique) trauma narrative, and i think jean’s trauma was poorly written here from start to finish, and pretty unimaginative/cliche. my overwhelming thought while reading it is that it was a really poorly researched book. writing the perspective of a character IMMEDIATELY after release from years of captivity is an extraordinarily difficult task, and the way she tried to account for what his patterns of thinking would have adapted to under those conditions was paltry to me: “I am Jean Moreau. My place is at Evermore. I will endure.” — i was literally rolling my eyes. just a really depressing lack of depth of interiority wrt an experience that was already so rich and subtle in canon. the single line in tkm when abby says he's already tried to escape back to the nest twice was more complex and worth more to me than all of tsc

to give another specific example bc this is one part i remember well, i was so annoyed at the scene when jean offers his racquet to rhemann for punishment. like it's so lazy!!! it's so lazy. jean is not stupid, and i could have believed it if it was written as jean being confused/getting where he was and who he was with mixed up, but a crucial part of the ideology of the nest was that this was not like other teams, and their lifestyle is not ordinary, and this is necessary to make them better than everyone else. jean would be well aware that other people on most other teams do not get physically abused by their coaches, in front of the rest of their teammates, as a matter of course. like maybe that seems nitpicky, but this actually seems so essential to me. and there were so many other moments where it just didn't seem like any meaningful or interesting thought had been paid to how jean would have interpreted his own life, and i hated how she had to make him do things like this to make certain things about his past visible because she couldn't do it in more skillful ways

i was kind of withholding judgement through the first little bit, but the first scene with kevin really solidified that i would not enjoy this book. jean is, what, a few days removed from the nest? i just do not believe (or want to be asked to believe) that he and kevin would be able to articulate any of that by that point, or have the words to discuss these things openly like that already. this was baffling to me because, once again, this is handled really well and compellingly in the original trilogy!!! hence my 40k two months of madness!!!! jean and kevin literally cannot even speak to each other when they see each other at the banquet, to the point where andrew intervenes just to get them to stop watching each other. iirc there was a part in the EC where nora said they don’t have a real conversation till a year (or multiple years?) out of the nest which felt extremely true to me. laila, cat, and jeremy constantly pressing him to express what happened, as if being able to narrativize a traumatic experience is not actively one of the hardest things about recovery, again just felt like lazy writing. everything has to be spoken out loud for it to work here, because she didn’t build conflict in any other way. i actively disliked laila and cat by the end of the book because she had to use them in such annoying and blunt ways to drive the story forward.  

OKAY there is my quota of "joyless hater" for the day... i appreciate you wanting to hear my thoughts!! if you have any thoughts on any of this i'd love to hear them as well. and if you're interested, i'll take the opportunity to rec an academic text on some of these dynamics, Alexandra Stein’s book “Terror, Love, and Brainwashing: Attachment in Cults and Totalitarian Systems"

[pb-dot]

Film Friday: The First Omen

As anyone who's been hanging around philosophers for a long enough amount of time, it's hard to say anything categorical and true. Try to find a way to define chair that contains all chairs and exclude all non-chairs, to quote the most famous example. So, when I say that I don't really like horror sequels or prequels, it seems like I put out a call for the universe to humble me. If all my humble pie gets served in the form of movies like The First Omen, though, I will certainly not complain. Also beware that some spoiler talk is inevitable in describing why this movie kicks so much ass, so if you want the short version: Absolutely SPECTACULAR visuals and genuine creeping dread makes this movie so damn good it's almost stupid. Watch it first chance you get!

The First Omen follows the story of Margaret, a young American women well on the way to become a nun when she moves to Italy and finds herself smack-dab in an evil conspiracy to bring about the Antichrist by ways of profane human husbandry. The conspiracy is centered around, or at least Margaret believes it to be centered around, a troubled teen girl in the care of her convent, but as the sheer scope of the conspiracy becomes clear to her, Margaret realizes the real locus of the conspiracy is much closer to home.

The twist that this is less of a The Omen as it is a Rosemary's Baby take is perhaps not the single most shocking one to people who's seen their share of twist-laden media, but honestly, I respect it. The twist isn't a shocking swerve as much as it is a confirmation of an idea that has been incepted in your brain and has been brewing for about two acts at this point. It's all in the visuals, how Margaret finds herself in these immaculate artful shots, that in addition to being cool as hell, also tells us she's living under tightly managed control. Then there's the more obvious symbolism, like her waking up after a rare night of libations in a composition that evokes a spider's web where she is caught in the middle, or her kneeling in prayer surrounded by candles that appear to float in the air. It looks gorgeous, and really helps with the oppressive atmosphere.

Another twist I really enjoyed was the movie's take on what a satanic conspiracy would look like. In most of these Satanic Panic-type stories, these cults are made up whole cloth of a category of person I don't really believe to exist. It's just a big ask to presuppose there exists large, organized groups of people who believe in Christianity, or at least the largely apocryphal mythology around modern Western Christianity, but deciding to throw their lot behind God's Comparable But Fundamentally Lesser opponent, Satan, often for ill explained reasons. That seems nonsenical to me, not only because almost all the aesthetics of this quote-unquote satanism is just Catholicism But Spooky (i.e Catholicism,) but because it seems like such a hard sell. Why, after all, accept that mainstream ideas about God and Satan when there's so many spicy heresies and strains of theological thought that one could easily adopt into it instead. Gnosticism alone could fuel a generation of fun new religious horror, but I guess that's too spicy for Hollywood.

The First Omen solves this quite elegantly by making the very spicy but ultimately true observation that a satanic conspiracy would be most likely to arise from the already religious, and perhaps even from the Catholic Church itself. As such, this conspiracy is chock-full of creepy nuns and shady priests, but in the way these things often are creepy or shady in real life, instead of the "profaning of the holy" business that's usually the draw. It's not so much that they worship Satan as they are scared as shit of the rising secularism in society and wants to bring about the ultimate wrestling heel to scare people back into the arms of the church. Would it work like that? Perhaps, or perhaps these are theological accelerationists seeking to push the matter of Judgement Day a skootch, who am I to say. Either way, their goals of bringing about the son of the devil has not been going too well, as getting a woman born of demonic cuckoldry pregnant with the devil's spawn to give birth on the sixth day of the sixth month of the sixth year is already difficult enough, and these robe-wearing fuckos, being good, proper, God-Fearing satanist conspirators, needs the child to be male. Can't have a Girl antichrist running around after all. It's not proper.

Putting aside the dark hilarity of this incredibly elaborate conspiracy being stymied by gender roles for god knows how long, it's also quietly brilliant to me how this take on the Satanic Conspiracy also ties in so well with the topic of pregnancy and agency that the movie has set its mind to. Margaret isn't important to the conspiracy outside of her capability of giving birth, to the degree that the reason she makes it out with the antichrist's fraternal twin sister after the birth is because the conspirators don't care enough to confirm the kill when leaving her for dead in a burning building, allowing a last-minute rescue by Margaret's support network. It sets up a quite compelling case for a sequel in my mind, if nothing else because I deeply desire to know what implications there being two living beings technically qualifying for the position of Antichrist.

Ultimately, I believe The First Omen to be the best kind of prequel. It is much more concerned with telling a good story than with justifying every little story beat with the metatext of the original, and as such expands the setting universe in interesting ways. Granted, there is the nod to the gruesome opening scene of the original in an early scare, and name-dropping Margaret's son with the original's soundtrack does happen as is mandated by tradition, but those were the only nods to the original I caught personally. I do feel a slight tremble of trepidation when hoping for a sequel though, as The First Omen feels very lightning in a bottle, and it might be tricky following up on it without devolving into fanservice and/or nonsense. I suppose we will just have to see.

[schizosupport]

Hi Glitch, thanks for everything you do with your blog! My partner and I are parenting a wonderful 1 year old kiddo whose bio mom is living in an assisted living center and has persistently experienced hallucinations and delusions that make her life difficult. She's bounced between diagnoses, making treatment difficult, and because there is no family history of these symptoms we're not sure if it's heritable or not. As a result, it's super important to us to 1) explain the story of where she's living is in the kindest and most loving way possible, and 2) be super on top of things so we can be ready in case the baby does experience symptoms later in life.

I have been trying to read as many first-person memoirs and stories as I can from people, and particularly loved The Center Cannot Hold by Elyn Saks. That's where I learned about the term "prodromal schizophrenia" and the phase of people's lives where they may first begin to experience magical thinking, mood disturbance, or paranoid thoughts before their first "classic" symptoms of psychosis or hallucination arise. May I ask if you experienced prodromal symptoms yourself, or if you have any thoughts on how to best tell the difference between them and the kind of depression, mood swings, and anxiety that can just come with the territory of being a teenager/young adult? I'm trying to figure out what to look for that could be a sign that in addition to depression symptoms, a teen might experience a break from reality soon.

I figure the obvious best bet is "have a great relationship with your kid so that you notice and be there if things get hard in early adulthood", and "prepare him explicitly for things he should look out for and ask him to tell me if he starts having thoughts like being watched, his food being poisoned, or having ideas/images that don't feel like they belong to him appear in his mind." Or do you think that if you had been told as a child that you might have your mind play tricks on you and you should tell someone if XYZ happens that would have made you feel like you were doomed to scary experiences or like there was something broken about you? I don't know the best way to explain to a child that he may or may not experience something far later in life, and how much and what kind of information is helpful as opposed to something that would turn into a source of fear and self-doubt.

Thanks so much for any thoughts you may have!

Hi there anon!! Thank you for reaching out, I think it's awesome that you are doing your best to educate yourself/yourselves about the schizo spec experience as a result of this situation!

Firstly, I'm wondering what y'alls relationship is to the mother? If at all possible, I recommend getting to know the mother. It will first off give you a firsthand secondhand understanding of the type of psychosis she’s dealing with, and hopefully over time, things that have helped her feel better. Second off, hopefully it will demystify psychosis to you guys on some level, so it isn't this scary foreign object that your child might be harbouring. And lastly, it makes it easier to communicate with the kid as he gets older about who his mother is, why she wasn't in a place to raise him herself etc.

If for whatever reasons getting to know the mother is not an option, finding another way to get in touch with adults who deal with psychosis can be good. Psychosis can be very hard to understand for people who never experienced anything like it, but by reading accounts from people who have (as you are doing), and ideally through meeting and getting to know people who struggle with these things, it starts to feel less alien. Or so I believe. The common human response to psychotic people is often dehumanization. Because it's too painful to internalize that this is a real person like everyone else having emotions and experiences that are as real to them as any emotion or experience is to anyone else. So talking to adults who go through life with the veil to the nightmare realm being a bit too thin for comfort, is important, so you don't feel like psychosis = lost child. (Not instigating that you do, just stressing the importance).

So the thing about psychosis and so on is that yeah, so there's some genetic component in here, but as you also allude to, psychosis is many different things. That said, looking at diagnoses, getting a diagnosis of schizophrenia, autism, adhd and schizotypal is more likely if you have a parent with either of those diagnoses. So a schizophrenic parent increases the risk of autism too etc. At lower instances this is true of every psychiatric disorder.

This is all to say, diagnoses are a simplified way to look at a complex reality. But people who go on to develop psychosis, and not uncommonly their direct descendants, often have what could be described as non-specific neurodivergency that can go in different directions. As a result, most schizophrenic people, for instance, relate strongly to autistic and adhd experiences (and some have earlier diagnoses of such).

Kids with this type of non-specific neurodivergency are prone to experiencing bullying etc, which can be a bad feedback loop for developing psychotic tendencies (bc kids with psychotic tendencies get bullied more + bullying causes an increase in psychotic symptoms).

So what I'm getting at is that there's a good chance the kid might face some difficulties in life, and trying to build him a safe base at home and a place to express his emotions and experiences (even if they're weird or concerning!) without judgment, is very important.

To answer your question, yes, I think you'd say that I had a prodromal phase. But in my case it's a bit odd to say, since it happened when I was very young. In kindergarten and early school years, I experienced what would generally be referred to as such. And by middle school I was paranoid and delusional to a classic psychotic degree. In a lot of ways I was lucky that school was very easy to me, and I figured out ways to deal with these symptoms and get through life for the most part until this started falling apart in uni when I was in my early twenties, where I eventually was put in a position where I had to face professional assistance .. This may come across as unusual based on the literature, but I talk to many many psychotic people, and the vast majority of those that I talk to, had paranoid ideation, extreme magical thinking, hallucinations and dissociation as commonplace in childhood. Often it takes years before it gets acknowledged as such, but nevertheless.

So for me, while my dad might qualify for diagnosis beyond adhd (which he has), my (late) aunt was the “big bad schizo” in my family history. My dad told me some frankly quite terrifying stories when I was a child about his schizophrenic sister, about how she behaved, how she was treated (in the 60s and 70s), her beliefs, her suicide attempts and her suicide. As a child I felt a kinship to this aunt who died many years before I was born, but it was equally clear to me that my dad was traumatized by the way he lost his sister, and I was terrified of becoming “like her”. So like. That was not a helpful approach, I can say that much.

That said I enjoyed kinda having her as a weird icon of ‘the other weirdo in the family’ on some level I didn't yet know how to explain. So I think that talking to your kid about his mum is good and important, including her struggles, but I think it's important to do so in an age appropriate manner. I don't think you need to spell out to him that he should look out for these signs in himself, it will come naturally, if he knows his mother was “like that”. If he starts to experience things, he now has words and context to begin to understand what's happening to him. That's the key to building “insight” on a lot of levels. And if you manage to present it as something that isn't a literal death sentence, he may be more willing and feel more safe to talk to you about it too.

On that note, I think that regardless of his mum's condition, it's important to introduce him to the concept of psychosis and associated experiences as a spectrum, so he doesn't assume that there's only one way to be “like that” with one common result. So like, don't specifically tell him to look out for things like whether he is feeling paranoid, bc I don't think that's helpful. But letting him know that his mother struggles with/has struggled with such thoughts and experiences, and it's a type of disorder that has a name/names, and can manifest in many different ways, could be a helpful middle ground.

As for how to tell other teenage difficulties from the prodromal stages of schizophrenia, honestly it's neigh impossible. I would argue that the presence of ipseity disturbance points towards schizophrenia, but I wouldn't recommend asking a bunch of questions related to the experience of self, bc that's triggering as hell if he IS dealing with that .. So I think my best advice is to deal with symptoms as they arise, and don't look for a specific inevitable pattern. There's no real way to know the future, and if you expect Y symptom once you've seen X symptom, you can accidentally push him in that direction. So I think that responding to any given symptom as a standalone experience, rather than as a sign of a specific disorder, is the best approach. The worst thing that can happen is you guys starting to interpret his whole person according to the expectations of a disorder (even if he does get diagnosed with said disorder!). He's always an individual first.

An important note is that it's not like we have any treatment that definitely halts a prodromal phase anyways. People talk a lot about early intervention, but from my perspective it's pretty controversial.

Sure, if you can afford it, it might be great if he has a therapist that he trust during his teenage years, to talk things through with etc. But other than that there's not much to do. I'm not really a proponent of early intervention antipsychotics, and I think the best is to not assume the steps ahead, but just help him wherever he's at. Plenty of people go through what could accurately be described as a prodromal phase without ever developing further, too. Sometimes things just are, and your kid is a bit of a weirdo, and that's fine! :p

On the note of memoirs and so on, I don't know if you read it, but I really liked the book “a road back from schizophrenia” by Arnhild Lauveng, I think it may be a relevant read too. The English translation is lackluster, but it still gets the points across I feel.

At the end of the day there’s no real way to predict if your child will experience these struggles, but hey, that's true for any child! He has a whole life of experiences ahead of him, some good, some bad. And the best you can do is be by his side, and try to give him a safe space where he feels that he can be himself and talk about his experiences, good or bad. And this also includes respecting when he sets boundaries and doesn't want you involved, which can be hard if psychosis is involved. But the best way to keep being a safe person long term is to respect his boundaries, even if they are arbitrary or doesn't seem to make sense based on your understanding of the world.

Just the fact that you are sending this message to this account, I take as a wonderful sign of your investment in this kid and his future. I hope you will love him lots, and he you (and your partner). I hope you have a happy beautiful family ❤️ with or without psychosis.