#this thing took me THREE WEEKS
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my hypothetical ao3 collection of midnights-based songfic, no other unifying factor - 40% serious, 50% if-i-was-good-enough-maybe, 10% shitpost.
“lavender haze” this one is a jonmichael fic purely off the “talk your talk and go viral / I just want the love spiral / get it off your chest / get it off my desk” bridge. that’s a mostly canon compliant jonmichael bridge if i ever heard it. they are holding hands at jon’s desk
“maroon” I'm going to ask you to hang with me for a second: richard maxwell/greg kelly. look it's canon that they knew each other (i can't remember if they knew they both worked for blackgaard? don't make me reread any of the blackgaard chronicles again ffs.) and if there's anything i love doing in fic it's turning a single line or two of throwaway canon into melodramatic soap opera nonsense. they lived together in chicago and did sketchy jobs together and fell in love and it was messy when richard left. and then waylaid in the windy city happened. yeah the blood is definitely just talking about a blush
“anti-hero” THEE richard maxwell character study of all time. i can hear i have this thing where i get older but just never wiser in his voice fr.
“snow on the beach” this is a steveloki song and specifically in my ideal stoki fic where it's loki who saves steve instead of the other way around. this pairing IS peak ‘weird but fuckin beautiful’
“you’re on your own, kid” i want to make this about morgana so bad. idk how but this should be a morgana fic.
“midnight rain” tbh i hate this song, no fic
“question…?” ditto
“vigilante shit” this is sheer richard maxwell revenge bait. idk how the fic would actually go but suddenly i’m picturing nb!richard and connie screwing blackgaard over and driving away in his car and making out at a fancy beach house, and it’s making me really happy
“bejeweled” this one gave me the most trouble but listen: IRONIC VILLAIN SONG FOR MORGANA. morgana wins au, she glows up and reclaims the throne and she does, in fact, polish up real nice!! she has been too good of a girl!!! it is time to teach some lessons!!!!!!
“labyrinth” look this song bores me to death, go queen give me nothing, but like. obviously it’s a steveloki song, the bit about the plane? the bit about everyone expecting him to bounce back? this one isn’t clever but it would make a cute enough long fic concept. probably in my loki-saves-steve idea as well, definitely the ‘oh’(tm) chapter for steve’s pov.
“karma” sorry that i think this would make for the funniest steve-centric anti-tony fic in the whole entire world. sorry that i'm objectively right. sorry that i will never write it but like, imagine. IMAGINE
“sweet nothing” this would be the epilogue fic to my jonmichael misophonia fic series. after a certain point, jon being the archivist means everyone wants something from him, usually something destructive or hurtful or just plain something he doesn't want to do, but now jon and michael are free somehow and jon gets to be loved by someone who wants nothing from him except himself.
“mastermind” this is richason to a TEE. a cute little “i am secretly Courting You, haha you’ll never find out until it’s TOO LATE” fic, richard thinks he’s so smart. jason does too but def not about this.
“the great war” i read the lyrics for this one time and decided it would make the most steveloki fic of all time and i was and still am correct
“bigger than the whole sky” this is the fic where jason and richard have a whirlwind romance during DBD but richard dies when he gets caught (either murdered or dies when he jumps out of the car). this song also bores me to tears but the sentiment of jason not getting to know richard the way they should have been, after richard has finally been able to clear his name and have a more peaceful life sans regis, is a pretty compelling one to me.
“paris” nah this is my least favorite song on the album
“high infidelity” i love this song but i can’t imagine a character/pairing/situation that i’d want to write about with actual infidelity?
“glitch” EUGENE/RICHARD FANS COME GET YALL JUICE. i know i know, it's tacky and gimmicky, but, come on, it's adorable! geek love! this is a "falling in love while deep-diving into the imagination station's code" fic. literally the cutest. i haven't quite figured out how i would actually write eugene/richard but y'all have convinced me that it would be adorbs.
“would’ve, should’ve, could’ve” the spiritual sequel to the "you're on your own, kid" morgana fic. i mean the line about spitting out poison??? there's a lot here that could make a good uther angst fic but tbh i want to zero in on a morgana vs merlin dynamic where morgana knows about his magic and that he still chose to turn his back on her. not in an anti-merlin way but still in that "how dare you betray me like that" vein. god "give me back my girlhood, it was mine first" in a morgana context absolutely KILLS me.
“dear reader” oh man you could write the most crushing jon jarchivist study off this song. and by you I mean someone else who isn’t me. but i can pretend i have the competency to make this work
#long post#sorry about the long post holy shit#this thing took me THREE WEEKS#i talk a big game about morgana-centric fic for someone who’s written a single morgana drabble and nothing else#but again: this is as much aspirational as it is serious#one day I will expand my fic writing horizons but today is not that day.#also I realize that I sound like such a hater but like. it’s def a t-swift album#when there are six songs that are pretty good to really good; four that I want to burn with kerosene because they’re so boring;#and three songs that give me psychic damage for a year and that i play ten times a day for months afterwards#‘the great war’ is really what set this off and yes that IS my one s-tier song off the album#my fic
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sitting in a garden at your feet
#fanart#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#gojo satoru#geto suguru#satosugu#gojo x geto#stsg#angst#i think#ugh you guys this took me like three and a half weeks#i can finally draw other things now#wooo#gojo#geto#yes theres symbolic meaning with all the flowers hehehe
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the great thing about falling really deep into a new media niche is developing opinions on many new things. the terrible thing about falling really deep into a new media niche is developing opinions on many new things
#fjdkfdjkfd.#anyway. last week a trailer came out for something only called kidnap. which is hilarious because that's a blocked tumblr tag#it's a romance (with the kidnapper. who is secretly only doing it to pay a medical bill). i don't think it sounds or looks very good#& considering who is airing this and their history with Edgy Content the keyword here will probably be Bland. or maybe Toothless#but unfortunately...... tragically...... one of the leads is an actor i'll take in literally anything.#so i've spent my week periodically being attacked by this insignificant bit of knowledge and experiencing shrimp emotions#literally just. going about my day. thinking 'kidnap'. going OOF. then remembering i'm in the middle of brushing my teeth#also. i found out the original writer of bad romance & together with me is ALSO the writer of not me. and it's things like this#that would take like. twenty layers of explanation of these properties in general and also my takes on them specifically#and how it contrasts or aligns with their general perception. to even come CLOSE to explaining the mental hit i took from that#i need a corkboard and some red thread. and then probably three more corkboards#for day 1 that is. i think i have a week's worth of loosely connected spontaneous deep dive video essays i could do off the top of my head#ah well. the curse of having interests#*
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D4 - Solidarity
OR, the Golden Deer Girls go on double dates (and Hilda has fun teasing Lysithea) Shout out to that one LeoLysi anon that shared their headcanons with me and inspired this entry
We're past the midpoint now for the @fe-pride-week, 3 more entries to go, stay tuned!
#FE Pride Week 2024#Leolysi#Lysithea von Ordelia#Leonie Pinelli#Leonie x Lysithea#Fire Emblem Three Houses#Fire Emblem#FE3H#FE16#Fodlan#This one took so much outta me...I probs redrew the entire thing at least 5 times#But I had to draw it no matter what...the concept was too perfect in my head#I can still see the places where this wasn't as perfect as I pictured it in my mind...but I had to carry on even if it's not perfect#Leolysi is lesbian flag coded pass it on
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This is (vertically) pretty long; the rest is under the cut to save your dash.
Haven is a lot of things. An effective communicator isn't one.
This is very much intended to be Taran retelling the story of the time this happened to someone else, given the eight-thousand anachronisms and the level of comfort Taran has in talking to Haven. It's so specifically anachronistic in such a specific "I'm telling you a story and I don't want you to get bogged down in the inconvenient details" way that it got me to write 6000 words (and counting) of a stupid wip so I could justify this existing.
Bonus notes: Haven is specifically pretending to be asleep because he doesn't want to talk about the mess in the kitchen. Taran isn't remotely annoyed about that but he would like for next time Haven to come downstairs and say hi instead of putting on a shirt and then pretending to be asleep again.
#haven#taran#oc#comic#THIS TOOK ME LIKE. A GOOD THREE WEEKS.#admittedly i spent a lot of time not drawing so the entire second half was from the last three days or so#also the glass door panel is possibly one of my favorite recent drawings ever#i'm putting it up there with the one where haven and taran are fucking around in a greenhouse-encapsulated pool#...maybe i shoudl draw taran around plants some more. it seems to be unlocking things#ALSO i wish that jacket was real. i DID arizona-green-tea-colors a real adidas jacket because i sent him to spain and i couldnt find a#single article of like cheesy tourist clothing that worked as a jacket but there WAS a lot of footballer stuff but i hate the red yellow#black look so i just kind of went 'who cares' and made something up. but it looks good and i would wear it#oh#contents: a little raunchy for tumblr#insane that that's all i have to say about these two given how abysmal their relationship is but everything else is explicitly offscreened#because of who the narrator is and how little he actually cares to talk about that part#favorite
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The Lucanis vs Illario story would have had greater emotional depth/intrigue if the writers didn't water down how fucked up the Crows are as an organization.
Just some thoughts about how, out of all the side villains, Illario had some great potential to be a really interesting/tragic character in my opinion.
TL;DR: Zevran Aranai has a knife with Caterina's name on it for good reason and Lucanis/Illario need therapy...or whatever the Thedas equivalent is called...talking to Rook, I dunno
Going into DATV as a new player, or even as a returning one, the whitewashing of the Crows has a lot of the potential complexities of that life simply ignored or barely touched upon. The entire 'Illario vs Lucanis' boils down to: Illario seething in the shadows about Lucanis being the 'best boy'™ of the family while Illario is an after thought - which he is.
Let's be real, Illario is not subtle and immediately comes across as the Scar to Lucanis' 'Mufasa'. It's a questline with a very straightforward villain who has pretty lackluster motivations from what info we're provided - being 'I want power and to be the First Talon'. The game does very little explore what motivations he may have beyond being jealous of Lucanis/wanting more power.
However, if you play the quest line knowing what previous games have set up about the Crows - about how cutthroat and brutal the life is behind the glamour - then you can see that the entire Lucanis vs Illario conflict has amazing potential to be a dramatic tragedy.
We've seen how the life of Crow can affect Zevran - someone who was sold into the life through child-slavery. How interesting would it be to see how the life of a Crow can affect someone who was born into it? It's pretty clear in-game that Caterina intends for her grandchildren to carry on the family tradition - despite the fact that this 'family tradition' has likely led to the deaths of most of her grandchildren and however many children she had.
If there's banter about how Illario's/Lucanis' parents/cousins died specifically I haven't heard it, but the impression I got in-game was that it was likely linked to the Crows/politics in some way? Feel free to correct me! Still majorly fucked up that she pushes her grandsons into this life regardless!
Lucanis/Illario's situation was not like Zevran's - who was sold into the Crow's through slavery, with no one to speak up for him. Caterina was a woman who had power, who knew what the life of a Crow meant, and who still pushed those she 'loved' into it because is consolidated her place in the system. For all the Crows talk of 'family' Caterina doesn't seem to give a shit about them unless if they're contributing to the family business in some way - not to mention the whole 'you fail and we kill you' clause of being a Crow in the first place.
In the 'Wigmaker Job' from Tevinter Nights Lucanis talks about how Caterina hit him [also Illario] with her cane for mistakes and had him spend days without food/water. How he used to hate her but now 'realizes' that it was her way of ensuring he survived the life of being an Antivan Crow. Did it end up protecting them? It likely pushed them both to refine their skills out of fear. It's likely that simply by association with her they would be targets and thus needed to know how to take care of themselves and fight.
But why have him as a Crow in the first place? Why not simply train them well to defend themselves? You can't deny that she doesn't benefit from having her grandchildren in the family business - intentionally wanting Lucanis to take over her position as First Talon. The Antivan Crows are a force to be reckoned with and being one brings a whole lot of power in Antiva - being part of the elite of that group even more so.
If the game showed us the ugly reality of the Crows - the brutality of the lifestyle and how cutthroat the organization is, it could have really added some depth to Illario's betrayal - having it be more than "I want more power/respect" to "this is the result of what you taught me was valuable in life."
Warden: "Do you actually enjoy being an assassin?" Zevran: "And why not? There are many things to enjoy about being a Crow in Antiva. You are respected. You are feared. The authorities go out of their way to overlook your trespasses. Even the rewards are nothing to turn your nose up at."
Illario, bitter about Caterina favoring Lucanis - resentful of the fact that she has already decided that Lucanis will be her successor, being offered power by the Venatori (at the expense of the Crows) and accepting because why not? How different is it from what the Crows do? Isn't power and status the whole point of working yourself up in the Crows? Getting into a relationship with Zara because why not? Isn't sex part of the allure of being a Crow? Why can't he have this? Why shouldn't he have this?
Rook: "When we met, it didn't seem like Illario and Caterina were close." Lucanis: "It was hard to be close to her. Even for me. And...I was her favorite."
Why would he have connections to his family? Why should he? Caterina certainly never seemed to value 'family' beyond what they could do for her and their family legacy. Most of his family is already dead, and of those that remain the only parental figure he has obviously favors Lucanis. We don't have a lot of evidence in-game to show that Illario ever really cared for Lucanis, but the prequel story 'The Wake' and Lucanis' own banter imply that they were practically brothers, best friends. Perhaps he did care and then ceased to at some point, perhaps he didn't at all, or perhaps he accepted that an early death for them both was inevitable like everyone else in their family. Dead now or later - what was the difference? At least if Illario sells him out now to the Venatori then he'll get something from it instead of another dead family member to bury.
It's the tragic result of raising a child in an environment where he was taught and experienced the need for self-preservation at all costs. Constantly threatened, punished, and made well aware of that fact that his life was an expendable commodity. Then, when things in the world went to shit he picked the only option that made sense to him. To save himself.
The irony of the potential fall of the Crows, the fall of House Dellamorte, coming at the hands of one of their own - not because he had a change of heart but because he was taught too well by them. The Crows view those that fail them as disposable, someone to be discarded - if the Crows fail Illario, what is to stop him from applying that mindset to them?
But this would require the writers to acknowledge how messed up the Crows are and we can't do that to our 'Noble Freedom Fighters'™. They'll also need to address Zevran's existence and what lore was established in past games...and we can't have that either lmao.
#the moment he opened his snake mouth I knew lmao#having played the first three games I can see it as a tragedy#but without playing those games? with what information datv provides us? he's just a 'power-hungry cousin'#which is kind of boring? all the side villains in this game are really goofy tbh#really could have been such a cool story if they added more depth to it - otherwise Illario is just 'villain of the week'#Lucanis blink twice if you need help#so upset my Rook toasted to him becoming First Talon - ew gross#and Jacobus becoming a crow? being a 'good' thing? gtfo#i know Caterina didn't know where he was until recently - but the way she talks about it is so casual? “here's where he is - go get him”#it took Rook one boat ride to get there and break him out! you're one of the heads of an assassin guild!#have your assassins assassin!!!#this game is afraid of moral complexity in the same way that Cullen was afraid of female mages in DAO#Just fucking running away at the first sign of something deeper lmao#thanks to thewardenisonthecase for filling my 'for you' page with stuff about Lucanis and making me think about this all lmao#datv spoilers#datv critical#dragon age the veilguard
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I've been chanting this like a spell
#sonic the hedgehog#miles tails prower#the blue one is not here but like. thats the tag i guess iddunno#this is a little old. wait nevermind its from oct28 thats not that old.#i thought i drreew this like. months ago. time is not real. its been a long time and no time at all at the same time#like last week was nov 1 and today its the 30th or it might as well be like!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#WHERE DID THE LAST QUARTER OF THE YEAR GO THIS SHIT SUCKS MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY I'VE BEEN CHANTING THIS IN MY HEAD FOR WEEKS#my head is so empty and i drank coffee without eating so its been hurting for hours. i already ate TWICE#BODY WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME>??????#anyway. this weekend i believe? my friend from class wants to play monster hunter world#he's trying to hunt anjanath cause he says its hard and it needs to do#i remember when anjanath was hard........#i tried to fight a fulgar anjanath the other day outside of an assignment though and it ended up leaving locale right when it was dying#i probably took too long cause they keep changing the goddamn controls. a couple days before i went back to world i was on rise#and the glaive controls different there with the wirebugs and shit#and then you get to world and no bug but the big boi on your arm. i love you glaive bug!!!!!!#and then before that i was playing the wilds beta which played oaky to me idk my graphics were shit so if things were floaty#i dont know. it looked like i was playing without my glasses. but the controls were fun.#BUT WHAT IM SAYING IS THAT I RAN THROUGH THREE DIFFERENT CONTROL SCHEMES CAPCOM YOU AS A COMPANY#NEED TO BE ARRESTED THREE DIFFERENT CONTROL SCHEMES. maybe there isa button remap function im missing#if so im still not gonna use it im just gonna suffer
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get you a girl who can give you everything
this started a long long time ago when I made a joke about how sega should put ringo in more dresses, and then my friend reminded me that oh yeah!! I can do that instead!!! and then one thing led to another and we joked about punk ringo and I drew that too. using ringo like a dressup doll is so cathartic it's kinda crazy
some bonuses (original designs, timelapse) under the cut bc I like these designs!! I might do some more with them!! please disregard the band poster in the first second of the timelapse that's something else!!!
#everyone look at my girl isnt she so pretty#puyo puyo#ringo ando#my stuff#please look at the timelapse it nicely packages a week of suffering into a minute :)#you cant tell at all from the recording. but all those teeny tiny scallops on ringo's dress? i drew all of those by hand#because the scallop brush i downloaded didnt look right. it never does why do i have that#plus the lace cutouts on the bottom i also drew by hand because i wanted them to look kinda like bunches of apple seeds#but thats not really a thing you can search for- 'lace brush that looks like apple seeds' is wildly specific#there's probably an identical brush to what i painstakingly drew by hand but dont tell me about it i want to think i did that for a reason#punk ringo on top was a lot less work on the lineart bit except for that godforsaken guitar#i had to make sure it looked right and it took forever#but what punk ringo gave me the most trouble with was posing#i knew i wanted an arm out to mirror lolita ringo but thw initial draft was meant to be her holding the guitar the opposite way she is now#(as in her hand was gonna be backwards)#and do you know how hard it is to balance a guitar like that. i had to grab my guitar and do a photoshoot to see what was most natural#while still having leg up arm out#this was fun to do even if i had about three crises in the middle of it#i tried doing my old rendering style again after a while and it was fun too#lolita ringo gave me a bit of trouble in the fact that my brain couldnt handle the dress being shaded but the apples being flat#but we got it lmao. i dont know if ill ever do this again it took too long#but maybe half of the time was because suddenly halfway through everybody needed my help for something or other that required me to leave#anyway wow thats enough rambling. i should go to bed now
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hi fightclub followers, I still draw pokemon.
#artists on tumblr#digital art#illustration#art#pokemon#pkmn#pokemon fan art#zubat#bat#poison pokemon#poison type#purple#kanto region#finally submited a three weeks project done in like rwo days I can finally kms#jkjk#still gotta learn for history and do italian hw#we ain't sleeping tonight guys#anyways took some time to draw something and since my hand didn't feel like doing humans I went with pokemon#I love how the pkmn hyperfixation hitting back at 16 yrs old makes me feel interest for mons I didn't give a shit abt back in middle school#like I didn't care about this thing#while drawings it I was “omg critter”#love this guy now#also did something with lighting cause I wanted to slap in colors together#I like purple with lime#1 hr doodle gone right#good night pookies#martyryo
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the post grad why did i get an art degree what am i even doing what do i want in life where am i going crisis has finally hit i want to. lie down in the dirt. or something
#WHAT AM I DOING!!!!#i get up i go to my stupid retail job i stick labels on bags they pay me fucking thirteen bucks an hour i come home i lie on the couch#too tired to draw in too much pain to go anywhere no energy to reach out to college friends to do anything fun#no idea where the even start with getting an industry job no clue what i even WANT at this point#trying to remember what i loved so much about comics i want it BACK i HATE this#WHAT IS THE POINT!!!! WHAT DO I WANT WHERE AM I GOING!!! WHAT COMES NEXT!!!!!!#there's no clear career trajectory i can't do freelance i need structure i can't work too much i need free time#my brain doesn't work every job requires me to move across the country the irs just took fucking three hundred stupid dollars from me#my friends live in different states i can't get a job without experience i can't get experience without a job#i can't work on my portfolio with no energy and no time and i dont have any money and everything is so expensive all the time#i can't get anywhere bc i dont drive and im too stressed to think about taking driving lessons again#and WHAT DO I WANT!#THE MOST INTERESTING THING I DO EVERY WEEK IS GO TO PHYSICAL THERAPY!#I AM EXCITED EVERY WEEK FOR PHYSICAL THERAPY!!!! WHY!!!!!!!!#anyway WHATEVER i need to go to bed#delete later#i got into spx. today. so. had to have a crisis about how i felt when i attended spx (energized. excited. a part of something. ambitious)#versus how i feel now (tired. unmotivated. kind of apathetic about art. disconnected)#i dont miss the stress of school but i miss being around other artists. ppl who speak your language and who want the same things you want#ppl who are excited abut art and that makes YOU excited about art. ppl who get you#i miss that i want that back#whatever. its 1am i gotta go shower i have an 8.5 hour shift tomorrow. wahoo. $13.50/hr lets go
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Dess from the Deltarune comic Looking Glasses by @ferronickel, I loved her design at first sight so here's the promised fanart; check out the original comic! It's very much worth the read :D
#ouch brain hurt I'm adding fire to the list of things I don't like to draw#i was a bit more conscious about lighting because of the fire though so that was nice#i think compared to the last time i did something on this scale#i've gotten way less shy about including shadow and light#in that ralsei drawing my shadows were almost too subtle and while it's not perfect here#i think it's a good step :D#this also only took me three days of scattered work#as opposed to two and a half weeks#so i'm starting to learn how to approach these#deltarune#december holiday#dess holiday#the first week in three months where i *don't* have to write an essay and i turn into a crab and hide in my room drawing like it's my cave#feels nice to post something other than a doodle or sketch#haha i almost forgot to add here that i completely forgot to give her teeth#literally the last thing i did before i exported this was give her two white lines for monchers#its such a small area of the picture but apparently it does wonders for not making the character look terrifying
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🧡🤍💗 X 💗💜💙
#rovickie#robin buckley#vickie stranger things#st vickie#robin x vickie#stranger things art#slay 15mins of lesbian visibility week left and I finished this on time#lesbian visibility week#I googled girls kissing for this. never done that before. like actually#feels like a lesbian milestone lol#it was the worst tho. so bad pictures for reference. like 90% them had to be straight girls kissing???#like why would you kiss like that.#anywayyy I still don't like drawing people kissing#((yes the anatomy is not anatomying correctly. shut up I needed to make this quickly(and it took me three days)))
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I finished writing Qimir's backstory
#it took!!!! almost two months!!!!! BUT I DID IT#at least three of those weeks were me just losing sleep over having no idea what was going to happen#and i 'think' i have successfully crafted a horrible what are the odds scenario#like there's bad decisions and escalation snowballing from both sides#it really was hard because in canon we know all of two things fjsksoak#that vernestra is his master and she almost killed him#also it's 12k#🤡🤡🤡#not including the osha sections in this chapter#flythepost
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when i was in highschool one o my biggest coping mechanisms was drawing all the kids i hated getting killed and eaten and killed. and well. time is a slowly ascending spiral. you will find patterns.(i work as a blackjack dealer. gamblers are FASCINATING
#cw blood#luckys original content#ITS SMALL BUT ITS ART SO IT GOES ON THE ART BLOG#also wwaooooww its meee its my lil persona!!! i dont draw myself enough....#anyway i have bigger things in the works. im slowly but surely chipping away at a pd thumbnail for that pd thumbnail project#FINALLY COLORING. BUT COLORING IS SO HARD AND I HAVNT BEEN IN THE COLORING MOOD#SO IVE JUST BEEN MAKING RLY DUMB COMICS INSTEAD... OOPS..#idk if anything finished n polished will be posted here anytime soon. BUT i post wips of everything on my twitter#and i post jrwi exclusive wips on my slucky blog. you may look at those if u have Truck Art Wishdrawls. as many do. as many do#THIS BLACKJACK JOB IS RLY AWESOME BTW DONT GET ME WRONG#i work three 12-hour days ina row. i gotta take an hourlong bus up to the depths o the mountains and then#i get to stay in this delightful lil hotel that was built in an ooold hospital. its a whole casino town. and an OLD one at that#ITS GORGEOUS HERE. last week my bus home was delayed for 2 hours#so i finally got the chance to head to other casinos and try drinkin n gambling. lost ten bucks to a pretty girl. NOT the first time#i rlly wanna try it again!!! i love interracting w ppl and i love being inebriated in public bc im just so sweet and pleasant and friendly#and pretty girls LLOOOOVEE MEEEEE i think i just need to go to gay bars more#but theres fucking NONE HERE. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im collectin comrade queers up here tho#we wanna make a Group but we just gotta come up witha name first. i need something weird and strange#yknow i remember being in highschool. and being miserable n unmedicated. my mommas ultimatum was that;#if i dont drop out of highschool; i dont need to move out. she probably wouldntve kicked me out anyway bc my mommas sweet like that but#she REALLY wanted me to graduate. and i remember dreading that i might never do that#i remember feeling like the Resident Idiot. sweet but so so fucking dumb. it took me 7 years of strife n stress before i finally graduated#i remember worrying back then that i might not ever be able to handle myself out there. that i'd be too dependant on others#AND HERE I AM. DID U KNOW I WAS LOOKIN AT HOUSES A WHILE AGO? IM AN ADULT AND IM WWINNINNNGGGGGGG#IM RUNNING OUTA ROOM BUT HERES MY ADVICE TO YOU. BC I KNOW UR FUCKING SCARED TOO. THE ONE THING THAT SAVED ME.#THAT KEPT ME FROM SINKING INTO DESPAIR IS REMEMBERING ONE THING: ITS LITERALLY JUST LIKE VIDEO GAMES#MOST PPL YOU CAN JUST WALK UP TO N ASK A QUESTION N THEYLL ANSWER. THEYRE ALL NPCS THEYRE NOT REAL#LIKE IF U WALK INTO A BANK AND ASK HOW A DEBIT CARD WORKS THEY WILL HELP YOU#AND IF YOU THINK THEY HAVE ULTERIOR MOTIVES RELATING TO MONEY. YOU CAN ASK THE CUSTOMERS TOO. ITS JUST LIKE VIDEO GAMES#ANYWAY STAY SAFE KIDS HAVE FUNNNNN. IM GOING TO GO DO DRUGS NOW. HOPE U CAN DO DRUGS SOON TOO. I LOVE YOU
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i just want to write some kind of fucked up shit and then finish it and post it and then feel i've done something😭
#all the things i have in-progress seem like they'd take a long time to finish#ie more than a week#what happened to the days when i could just write something horrible quickly wahhhhh#all of these fics are taking way too much time and effort for the likely response / feedback they'll get#i've arrived at a point where i think of three comments as “doing really well” but the time the fics take is just stupid in that context#(this is part of why i'm so bitter about people thinking short fic is automatically “low effort” on the writer's part)#(i fucking wish it was!!!)#and then it takes even longer because sadness makes me not want to work on the fics that already took too long to write :(#it just feels kind of... not quite 'pointless' but kind of that#maybe what i mean is this all feels like very unwise time/effort investments on my part#weirdly (?) it's not that i think my fics are bad i just think nobody likes them. but mostly the mcu ones. i'm okay about the rest now.
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CLAWCODE RAAAAAAAA
I FINALLY FINISHED AN ANIMATIC INSTEAD OF GIVING UP ON IT!!!!! (ignore the mistakes.. please...... I forgot about them..)
Context: Miles and Ganke used to be best friends until Ganke got too close and caught feelings. He eventually ended up confessing too soon to Miles, who wasn't ready (and totally wasn't absolutely terrified of his own feelings and backed out) and ended up cutting contact with him. Several months later, Ganke still wasn't over it, and started writing letters and disposing them in various ways to cope. This one just so happened to be a paper airplane that, by some strange twist of fate, carried it across the water and directly to where Miles was stationed waiting for his uncle. (This might come up in my fic.. if I ever start writing it again..)
Also tiny detail that I don't think I executed very well but want to talk about:
Ganke is made up of dark colors, while the world around him is very bright. (Metaphor for the sadness and guilt he feels from losing Miles as a friend)
Miles, however, is colored very brightly while the world around him is dark. (Metaphor for how his life feels without Ganke in it)
Without each other, they cannot be complete.
Thank you.
Also, Ganke's letter, for anyone who is curious.
"Hey, Miles, it's Ganke. I know you're probably never goung to get this, but my therapist told me to write letters to people about my feelings, so I guess that's why I'm doing this. I'm still really in love with you. And I know we haven't been talking, and I should be over it, but, well, I'm not.
And this is so stupid, so I'm glad you won't ever read this, but I can't help it. I know I messed up, and we were supposed to just be friends.. but, God. You were everything to me. Anyway, I'm running out of room, so I'm going to shut up. I'm sorry. For everything.
Love, Ganke."
#across the spiderverse#prowler party#ganke lee#miles 42#clawcode#miles morales#milesganke#prowler miles#slur gallery#digital art#animatic#“and i lean how to make friends” -> “I learn how to STAY friends”#me when i never let them have any happiness#me when only horrible things await them#me when PROCREATE FUCKING DREAMS DOESNT HAVE A GOD DAMN STRAIGHT EDGE TOOL#SO IGNORE ALL MY WONKY SHAPED BUILDINGS AND SUCH#me if i ever have to draw another goddamn building again in my life#this took so long and it is so simple but#let them suffer a little bit#i might make a part two in like three weeks (genuinely how long it takes me)#motivation is literally straight up kickboxing my ass kangaroo style and i am literally just a guy#also i reFUSED to draw noses properly here dont tell anybody let them have kitty noses#got lazy when i got to the part with them(1610) kissing dont tell anybody
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