#this take home exam is TOO FUCKING DIFFICULT

[digitaldiseas3]

my professor better cancel class and stay home tomorrow if he doesn’t want to catch these fucking hands

[airplanelanding]

Shen Yuan hated doctors. When he was a kid, he hated them because they were scary and always wanted to give him shots. Then, he got older, learned a bit more, grew a bit more, and found himself growing more neutral on them. They were a necessary evil.

Then, he fainted for the first time at seventeen, on his way home from exams.

After that, his life became nothing but doctors and tests and new medications. Each appointment made his resentment grow stronger. Every time, it was just a new doctor finding a new way to say he'd be sick for the rest of his life, the only treatment for his condition being lifestyle changes for symptom management and various attempts at medications that had a fifty-fifty chance of working or making him feel worse.

He grew tired as the years passed and his condition steadily grew worse. Symptoms and flare-ups that used to occur a few times a month, turned into a few times a week, turned into nearly every day. Things he used to do with ease turned into distant memories. Sports, dance, martial arts... Even grocery shopping, he found difficult by the time he was 24, the extended period of time on his feet and walking around something he was unable to handle anymore.

The minimization of his pain and suffering and struggling by doctors only made his resentment grow tenfold. "It's not that serious," or "it's not life-threatening," or a plethora of other ways they would minimize his illness, as if he didn't go from the Darling of the Shen's in Higher Society to a rumored recluse who didn't even leave his home to eat. As if he hadn't been forced to.

And sure, that resentment didn't just remain contained to being aimed at the doctors who never took him seriously and told him to just drink more water and exercise better, but Shen Yuan had little else to do anymore. So, he went online, he fell too far, and he became the infamous Peerless Cucumber. So what? Little else brought him joy anymore, gave him reason to live anymore. So what if he was a bitch to some shitty author?

He would forever defend his actions and words against the crime against literature that was Proud Immortal Demon Way.

He knows his logic is flawed. He had anger pent up for so long and he let it out against an un-involved source. In his defense, PIDW really was fucking terrible.

That's not the point here. The point is, Shen Yuan hated doctors. He hated them. And now, living as Shen Qingqiu -- given another chance at life only to fuck it up and get poisoned by Without-a-Cure -- he finds himself trying very, very hard to give Mu Qingfang the grace he never gave his doctors as Shen Yuan, and not fire undeserved vitriol his way despite the way the original owner of his body would have without a second thought.

Even now, as he sits on an overly familiar infirmary bed as Mu Qingfang stares at him with that overly familiar look of exasperation and concern, he reigns in the frustration simmering under his skin.

He bites the inside of his cheek and avoids worrisome eyes.

"Shen-shixiong pushed himself too far, again," Mu Qingfang says lightly, with careful, deliberate intonation.

It takes a painful amount of self-control and restraint not to scream.

He thought he was over this! He thought this was done! He left being sick, being weak, in his past life and still, still it fucking finds him again and haunts him.

Instead of screaming, he huffs through his nose.

Mu Qingfang frowns.

"If Mu-shidi could simply provide this shixiong with his prescription, this one would be most grateful," Shen Qingqiu says, with a tone so sickeningly polite it couldn't even begin to be mistaken for sincere. In his lap, his hands grip his closed fan with whitened knuckles.

"The medicine is not an end-all-be-all for your symptoms, Shixiong," Mu Qingfang sighs. "It can only do so much, you still must take care of yourself alongside it's use..."

Despite his words, he still summons his Head Disciple and passes along the prescription refill order to her, to take off to the greenhouse where it will be formulated and portioned out in the necessary doses.

"You should have come to me sooner if you were out," Mu Qingfang chides.

Shen Qingqiu does not deny this. Still, he argues, more childish than elegant. "Mu-shidi has been busy as of late with the illness spreading in town."

"I didn't know Shixiong was so selfless," Mu Qingfang replies, with the faintest hint of sass in his tone, "to ignore his own declining health in favor of the masses, which this one's disciples are more than capable of taking care of."

Shen Qingqiu purses his lips, but says no more. Mu Qingfang reaches for his wrist, and he wordlessly provides it.

After a moment, a soft sigh falls from the physician's lips.

"How long has it been since Liu-shixiong cleared your meridians?" he asks.

He already knows the answer, he's merely giving Shen Qingqiu a chance at honesty.

Shen Qingqiu does not take it.

"Let me guess, he is too busy, as well?" Mu Qingfang raises a pointed eyebrow. "Perhaps this one should go and find him, ask him if he is truly so busy as to neglect his duties to his Shixiong."

"You've made your point," Shen Qingqiu finally snaps, and his words come out harsher than he means them to. A little bit of that sharp, venomous vitriol spits out, frustration and resentment bubbling over the surface before he quickly tamps it back down and takes a breath. Calmer, he repeats, "you've made your point, Mu-shidi. This one will do better in future."

For what it's worth, Mu Qingfang appears to take no offense from his shixiong's sharp-edged strike.

"I surely do hope you mean that," he says softly. It makes Shen Qingqiu's chest grow heavy with a strange sort of guilt, the gentleness with which Mu Qingfang speaks those words. He can only avert his eyes and let his tense shoulders sag.

It is only then, once his defenses have dropped even minutely, that Mu Qingfang finally sets to work.

Cool qi pours into his meridians, but it is not uncomfortable or invasive like one may think. Instead, with it comes an unusual sense of comfort, relief, and refreshment. Like a drink of cold, crisp water at 3am after a nightmare that startled him awake.

Mu Qingfang's spiritual energy rarely feels like the foreign presence it is in his veins.

Never would Shen Qingqiu admit that out loud, though. Not even Liu Qingge's qi could bring him this level of comfort during their usual cleansing sessions. It is familiar and warm, but utterly different from Mu Qingfang's.

Not to mention, the precision with which Mu Qingfang navigates his spiritual veins, untangling and unblocking each point with little trouble. He struggles here and there, at the more aggravated spots, of course. Still, never once does Shen Qingqiu find himself in a place of discomfort.

It's hard, when Mu Qingfang finally finishes his treatment and retracts his qi and hand, to not slump down from the sheer relief Shen Qingqiu feels. His body is lighter, his breath comes easier -- hell, even his vision feels clearer. Mu Qingfang takes a step back and Shen Qingqiu allows himself the inelegance of stretching out his no longer aching limbs.

Mu Qingfang has seen him in worse states, a little relieved stretching is nothing to blink at. Once he's satisfied, Shen Qingqiu sits up straight on the infirmary bed and looks across the room, away from Mu Qingfang.

"Thanking Mu-shidi for his aid," he murmurs.

Mu Qingfang hums. Just then, his Head Disciple returns with his medication. Mu Qingfang accepts it from her with a few quiet words, before sending her back off to attend to the patients in her wing.

"This should last you longer than the last batch," Mu Qingfang tells him as he passes over the medicinal tea. "So you don't find yourself in another difficult position, should you be off the mountain when you typically begin to run low."

Shen Qingqiu accepts the prescription silently, his brows furrowed.

"Likewise this shidi will begin preparations for Shixiong's next batch early, so it will already be ready for delivery by the time you need it." Mu Qingfang pauses, hesitates. "Unless, Shixiong feels that this shidi is being too over-bearing?"

Ah, does his throat feel a little tight? Shen Qingqiu swallows thickly and exhales, staring at the small box of tea. He shakes his head once, almost imperceptibly.

"That is...acceptable," he mutters.

He does not need to look at Mu Qingfang to know he is smiling.

Shen Yuan hated doctors. Shen Qingqiu still hates doctors.

Mu Qingfang, however...

Yes, he can be infuriating at times, and a little patronizing even if he doesn't mean to be -- but that's just it. He doesn't mean it. He cares.

That's it. That's the difference. He wants to help not because it is his job, but because he cares about Shen Qingqiu. And yes, it was a long time before he was able to, but Shen Qingqiu can admit that now. Just like...just like he can admit the existence of the warmth that spreads over his chest when he sees Mu Qingfang's eyes crinkle with a smile just because Shen Qingqiu has finally let him take care of him.

He hates doctors, but Mu Qingfang is not just a doctor. He never has, and never will be, just a doctor.

Shen Qingqiu thanks him once more and takes his leave from the infirmary room, heart pounding against his ribs in a way he wishes deeply he could still ignore. Too many gentle, tender touches and quiet murmurs of concern have beat the ignorance out of him.

Ah, maybe one day, when he learns how to stop being a coward, he won't be just a shidi, either...

[luv4fushi]

HEYYY🦅

I really likes your megumi drabble. HE SO CUTE😭😭 i kinda wish you write more megumi 🩷

megumi fluff (?) and angst at your service! sorry it took FOREVER i had 478274 exams these past few weeks ughhh sorry & ily thx for the req ~~~

he likes me, he likes me not

jjk fushiguro megumi x fem!reader

all megumi fushiguro does is apologize when he rejects you. everything changes because of your confession.

content: angst, fluff if you squint, all characters aged up to 17-18!!!, misunderstandings, confessions, eventual relationship!, megumi is so bad at feelings, ooc megumi a little sorry, takes place at jujutsu tech high school and shibuya has NEVER happened so life is good, yuji and nobara are your besties

wc: 5.1k

click on my masterlist for more!

“i like you.”

for a moment, the world stills. everything comes to a halt.

megumi is sitting across from you at your favorite cafe, just down the street from tokyo jujutsu high, the school you’ve been attending for nearly two years now.

in that short amount of time, you’ve grown into a person you think the past you would’ve liked. you’re taller now, more fit and lean. you’ve got bounds of experience from your missions piled on your shoulders, the unwavering burden of being a jujutsu sorcerer making itself at home.

you’ve grown in other ways, too. you’re stronger now, you’ve got a good hold on your emotions. you haven’t seen your parents in months, but the sting doesn’t hurt anymore. you’re wiser. older. you’ve got a handle on your feelings.

then there’s megumi fushiguro.

oh, how enamored you’d been.

he’d spared no glance when he first met you. you had trudged into the classroom, eyes darting at the unfamiliar faces. gojo satoru, the undeniably handsome teacher of yours, introduced you brightly albeit the low energy of the room.

you had weaved your way into the jujutsu world, just as you had been able to slither your way into the lives of your newfound friends.

but megumi, oh, megumi fushiguro.

it had taken you laborious months to befriend the raven haired boy. his uninviting attitude hindered your relationship with him for some time, and you had half-heartedly decided to pursue something else, but your near death experience during a particularly difficult mission with him had sent him reeling. he had held onto you the entire time you cried for your mother.

you don’t talk about that day. he doesn’t mention it, either.

“what?” his eyes, dark blue, blink in surprise. his lips are parted slightly. “what did you say?”

your throat constricts. then, the words flow: “i’m in love with you.”

love. it’s too strong of a word. you’re not even quite sure what it means, or if what you feel is actually love.

the cafe begins to bustle with life again. the barista from behind the counter steams some milk—almond—and she glances up at a customer approaching. the music from the overhead speakers filters it’s way softly into your ears. it’s a cheesy love song, and you can’t help but feel like it isn’t the right time for that.

“are you serious?” he says, almost spitting out his drink.

“i mean,” you shrug, “yeah? i wouldn’t bring you all the way out here to fuck with you.”

he blinks again. his lashes flutter perfectly. it’s annoying how perfect he is. there’s a slight hue of pink to his cheeks, but not enough to confirm anything—just speculation.

“i’m sorry,” he begins, breathing it out all in one go. “i’m really sorry.”

if you’re being honest with yourself, you’d seen it coming from a mile away; megumi fushiguro is different. he’s got the composure of a brick wall. the perpetual frown on his face never, ever leaves, not even when he’s with you. he doesn’t crack, doesn’t shake. his soul is hardened from things that he’ll never speak of with you.

“it’s okay,” you say, but it’s not.

you’ve changed—grown into a person you’re proud of, but you’re still stuck sometimes. you’re still a pushover. still just a small shrimp in the vast ocean. still apologizing for your existence.

“i’m sorry,” megumi repeats.

you know he’s apologetic, that he really means it, just from the way his brows furrow slightly. you know him too well for your own good. you don’t think he can say the same about you.

“it’s fine.” your voice breaks. you duck your head in embarrassment. rejection has never hurt you this badly. “you don’t have to apologize for not liking me back. it’s not your fault.”

you wonder why you’re comforting him when he’s the one who has ripped your heart out completely.

“i’m gonna head back,” he mumbles out, hesitating to reach out and dab away your tears with the napkin he’s been wringing around his thin fingers. “you… should come, too.”

you shake your head. “i think i’m gonna finish my coffee.”

he offers a smile. “you can finish mine as well, if you’d like.”

“nah,” you say, scrunching your nose through watery eyes, “black coffee isn’t really my thing.”

“yeah.” his laugh is soft, almost forced, but you can tell it’s genuine. “i know.”

oh, you think. it really hurts.

he knows.

something inside you snaps. your lungs feel itchy. your ribs squeeze. you think that it would’ve been easier to never say anything at all.

megumi leaves the store. the jingle of the bell above the frame rings through the air. you’re left with your cold cup of coffee and megumi’s cup across from you.

the barista gives you a look of pity. you chug down your drink and chug his, too.

it’s bitter.

-☆

megumi arrives to his dorm exactly five minutes after four pm. he slips off his sweater and changes into a pair of sweatpants and a loose t-shirt. his mind is blank, except for the image of your teary eyes.

he swallows nervously. maybe he’ll sleep it off.

“yo, megumi.” yuji slams himself against the door impatiently. “how’d it go?”

megumi sighs, the irritation swiftly making its way into his fatigued body. he opens the door and yuji tumbles in without an invitation.

“what are you talking about?” megumi mutters with another sigh.

“the confession,” yuji says matter-of-factly.

megumi stares. “you knew?”

yuji’s smile slowly removes itself from his lips. “…yeah? it was pretty obvious.”

“what was obvious?”

“that she likes you…?” yuji tilts his head. “and you like her back, right? so i figured you guys would be all cuddled up in here.”

megumi doesn’t say anything. the gears in yuji’s head begin to turn as he looks around the room, noticing the comfy attire megumi has on.

“you said that you liked her back… right?” he raises an eyebrow. “because it’s not a secret that you do.”

“i left.”

“you left her there?!”

“i didn’t know what else to do.”

“so you said ‘yes, i’d like to be your boyfriend’ and then dipped out on her?”

“i didn’t say yes.”

yuji pauses. he looks at megumi, then at the made bed, then back at megumi.

“for fuck’s sake,” he groans, running his hands through his pink hair. “i’m gonna go.”

megumi stands there, appalled. the door is shut harshly and the hinges squeak. he’ll have to scold yuji about that later. for now, he wants to take a nap.

maybe he’ll feel better about everything when he wakes up.

-☆

on the other side of the building reserved for dorms, yuji crosses his way into the girls’ section. it still feels wrong no matter how many times he’s made this trip before.

he meets you on the way there. you’re dragging your feet, headphones strapped on your head, and lips quivering.

“hey,” he calls out, tapping your shoulder. “you okay?”

he waits until you hang the silver headphones on your neck. they’re megumi’s, he realizes as he sees the fading stickers on the metal plate.

“hm?”

“you okay?” he asks again. his eyes scan you for any signs of distress, and he can practically see it radiating off of you.

“yeah,” you hum, “i’m cool.”

“want me to grab nobara?” he suggests with a grin.

“sure,” you say.

the sun feels hot on your back. you hate the way the school is so widespread for having such a small population.

“i can grab some ice cream,” yuji rambles. “and i’ll get us a notebook so we can write shitty things about megumi.”

you pat him on his back, but his sturdy body almost sends you flying backwards. he catches your wrist just before you fall, and he’s laughing at your expression with glee.

“you’re so funny,” he says through his fit of laughter. “you’ve gotten scrawnier. you needa eat more! i’ll get us snacks, too.”

you pout. “shut up, yuji. not everyone can be as buff as you and todo.”

“oh, todo is a whole different story.”

“tell me about it,” you say, playfully rolling your eyes. “i’ve seen him beat you up into a pulp.”

“hey! in my defense,” yuji says, his hands coming up to the sides of his ears, “i couldn’t do much against him!”

you’re nearing nobara’s dorm, which is right across from your own. you like how homey hers is compared to yours. she’s got a knack for interior design, or so she claims.

she swings the door open the moment you reach the inside of the building. you’re halfway down the hall when she sticks her head out from the frame of her room. her black roots are showing more than usual.

“how was it?” she asks once you’re close enough so that she can whisper.

you want to tell her that there’s no point in keeping it a secret. you had told yuji about your feelings far before you even mentioned to her, mainly because yuji had been your first friend at jujutsu high. megumi isn’t here, either, so there’s no reason to whisper when everyone knows.

“bad,” is all you reply with.

her eyes soften a considerable amount, an expression you’ve never seen on her face before. she takes a small breath and pulls you into her room by your arm.

you’re met with her fragrances, vanilla and strawberry—a nobara kugisaki signature scent. she had begged gojo to buy her shelves to place her k-pop albums on and sure enough, the white furniture stands proud at the far corner of the room. there are fake vines hanging from her ceiling right above her desk, where she has an organizer messily places over a few books.

“you wanna dye your hair?” she jokes, looking back at you. “my roots are coming in so we might as well dye yours while we touch up mine.”

“is orange all you have?” yuji’s nose twitches. “i don’t think she’d look good in orange.”

“gee, thanks,” you sarcastically respond.

“sorry.”

nobara clicks her tongue. “wanna unpack?”

“kinda,” you say, your body going limp once you’re at the foot of her bed. you sprawl yourself on the silky sheets and stare up at the ceiling.

“get out, yuji,” nobara demands. she doesn’t even acknowledge his downturned lips.

“i know everything already!” he whines. he shuts the door behind him with much more care than he had with megumi’s.

“still!” she insists. “i wanna have a girls’ talk.”

“i’m one of the girls.” he crosses his arms.

nobara’s shoulders sag. “fine, but you need to go buy ice cream.”

“was planning on that already,” yuji replies. he taps quickly at his phone, presumably asking gojo for his credit card.

when yuji leaves the room, he promises that he’ll get your favorite flavor. once nobara senses that his presence is completely gone, she turns to look at you.

“i’m sorry for making you confess,” she whispers. her tone is comforting, genuine, soft. she takes you into her arms and squeezes your shoulders. “i really thought he liked you back.”

“it’s not your fault,” you reply earnestly. “i chose to do it out of my own selfish feelings.”

“you can cry,” she says, patting your head. at times like this, nobara seems years wiser than you are. her touch is warm.

you bite your lower lip. “don’t wanna. i think i’ll be fine.”

“okay,” she says, and you feel her chest vibrate with the word. “you’re allowed to cry, though. megumi would’ve been a shitty boyfriend, anyway.”

all you can do is let out a watery laugh. you don’t tell her that he would’ve been an amazing lover. he would’ve taken you out on dates at your favorite places because he’s observant like that. he would’ve known your favorite foods, though he knows them even as friends. he would’ve kissed you tenderly because that’s the type of boy he is. he’s the type to love carefully, like he’s afraid he’ll lose someone forever if he doesn’t.

“i’m up for dyeing your hair,” nobara pipes up after the silence that penetrates the room. “yuji’s right, though… i don’t think orange would suit you… ha.”

you giggle. “let’s just touch up yours, yeah?”

yuji’s footsteps can be heard from outside the door when you’re a third of the way done with nobara’s roots. she complains about how long he’d taken, but there’s no real malice in her voice. he explains that he had ran into trouble obtaining gojo’s card (“i had to beg him for it!”).

the ice cream is all melted. it’s gooey and delicious and makes you smile. as you look around your friends, your crinkled eyes say more words than you ever could.

“you’re welcome,” yuji says into your ear. “you don’t have to thank us for any of this.”

-☆

the next morning comes by quicker than you want it to. you mentally prepare yourself for seeing megumi in class at eight in the morning. you haven’t made a mistake as bad as confessing your dying, unrequited love on a wednesday afternoon quite like this before.

nobara had suggested walking with you the night before, but you’d sternly told her that you could handle it. looking back, maybe you should’ve agreed with her offer.

megumi isn’t in class when you come in. he’s usually there at least five minutes before gojo starts teaching. something inside you tells you it’s because of yesterday—as much as you hate to admit it.

he walks in through the sliding doors a few minutes late, but gojo pays him no attention. megumi has privileges like that—at least, with gojo. he’s practically your teacher’s son, and though you’ve never heard of the full story, you’re well aware of gojo’s slight favoritism.

the class is short. all jujutsu sorcery classes are. they mainly consist of typical real school lessons, only because under the law, jujutsu tech is still a high school. the other, much bigger portion of class with gojo is focused on maintaining cursed energy and providing yourself with the best possible victory in battle.

when it’s over, you don’t know if you should be relieved or upset. you won’t be able to see megumi after this, assuming that he’ll avoid you for a good month or two. however, you think you’d rather die than attempt to make conversation with him.

“don’t do anything stupid,” gojo warns, signaling the end of class.

you hear yuji snicker quietly and say, “yeah, nobara.”

the bickering brings a smile to your lips. from the corner of your eye, megumi shifts in his seat.

you decide that it’s best to let the feelings marinate, as stupid as it sounds. it’s an infinitely better choice than moping around and begging megumi for a chance. you may be soft, but you’ve got pride.

“see you guys,” you announce, more to yourself than to anyone.

“alright,” yuji calls after you, “see you later.”

you can’t help but feel a little disappointed with the lack of clinging when it comes to you. your absence doesn’t seem to cause a ruckus like it does for most people. you wonder if it had been yuji retiring early; would everyone else ask him to stay a minute longer?

that’s how life is for a while.

you attend class, spar a little, and sleep. some days you go out into the city with nobara. you avoid the cafe, even though it’s your favorite. perhaps it’s because you’re still embarrassed by megumi’s rejection. on other, slower days, gojo takes you all on outings because he’s basically everyone’s replacement father.

it’s still as tense as ever between you and megumi.

the boy doesn’t make any effort to reach out. you don’t blame him, though you should. he steals small glances at you, particularly when you’re smiling and forget to cover your teeth with your hands. that’s all he takes from you, and he can’t be the only guilty one, because that’s all you give.

on this day, gojo takes you all out to the fair. it’s annual, taking place in the beginning of summer, and it’s a great way to practice forming barriers and such. the fairs always bring out a few nasty curses that need to be exorcised—the four of you are already used to being dragged out here for that sole purpose.

as if gojo knows, he sends you out in pairs. of course, you’re paired with megumi fushiguro. at first, you open your mouth to reject gojo’s demand, but you notice the way megumi doesn’t seem to care and your resolve hardens.

“it’s really awkward around you guys.” gojo pretends to act busy, flicking something from his nails. he’s got his sunglasses on and the ladies around him fawn.

“huh?” you and megumi look at him with accusing glares.

“is something going on between the two of you?”

“no,” you say almost entirely too quickly.

“right,” he drawls, a smirk forming on his face. “anyway, good luck out there. get rid of the little ones and then—i don’t know/-meet up with yuji and nobara if there are gross ones that’ll kill you.”

megumi nods. “okay.”

“this was what i was talking about,” gojo mutters as he walks off. “it’s soooo awkward…”

megumi gives you an apologetic look. “for the record, i don’t think it’s awkward.”

“it’s fine,” you say. you find that you’ve been pardoning him quite a lot. “you don’t have to lie.”

his face flushes. “i’m not.”

“i confessed to you and you don’t like me back, so there’s really no need to tiptoe around it anymore,” you rush out. “just treat me like normal. i don’t really care.”

he looks hurt, and you want to laugh.

you discover that, in those days of being alone, you’d rather megumi treat you like a friend again than be completely ignored. at least then, you’d have a part of him. at least then, he’s not slipping through the cracks of your heart, becoming a distant memory.

you want him to be anything but a memory.

“you want me to treat you like normal…?” he repeats your words. he paces himself just a few steps behind you when you begin to walk away from the conversation. “what does that mean?”

“i think you know what being friends is like,” you attempt to joke, but it comes out harsher than intended.

the fair is getting more crowded by the second. the shopkeepers are yelling out cheap deals and there are children that snake in and out of the lines of people. paper lanterns are hung at the front of tents to attract foreigners—it seems to be working because there are more people surrounding shops with lanterns than without.

megumi takes a breath. “how could i do that?”

your steps falter. “what do you mean?”

“how can i go on to treat you like normal,” he says softly, “when i know you’re in love with me?”

you bite the inside of your cheek and taste blood. “i don’t know. you’ve done it before without knowing my feelings. you can do it all over again, right?”

you look over your shoulder to see his lips part. he’s given up on the cool-guy persona. his vulnerability begins to show through the dents in his personality.

“you’re saying that you’ve liked me for that long?”

“yeah,” you admit. something about this is more freeing than you could’ve imagine. “i think i always have.”

a man shoves himself into you. he’s older with a beer belly and a scruffy beard attached to his face. he barks at you to move out of the way as he drags his young daughter through the sea of people. megumi’s warm hands come to rest on your waist, pulling you aside and closer to his toned chest.

you do your best to ignore your beating heart.

“i’m not,” megumi starts shakily, “lovable. i don’t know why you like me.”

your body goes cold. it's even worse than when he'd rejected you.

“curse,” you say, detaching his hand from your body. “i feel it around the back alley.”

the night ends. nothing is solved. you go to bed and curl into yourself.

-☆

loving megumi is weird. there’s an odd sense of comfort to it, like you’ve known him for longer than you actually have. he makes you feel safe even though he's gruff and a little mean about it. maybe that's just part of his charm, though, because it makes you love him even more.

he seems to have taken your words seriously; he starts to treat you like normal again. he doesn't avoid you anymore, and the obvious tension surrounding you two has disappeared for now. he lets you take a few of his sweaters when you forget to do your laundry and he buys you your favorite snacks sometimes.

it gets to be too much. you almost wish he'd go back to ignoring you. the grass is always greener on the other side.

summer goes by slowly. it's the prime time for bad feelings to manifest into curses. you push away your lingering feelings, convincing yourself that you've gotten over it. it's been more than enough time now, coming up on two months since you've confessed. you don't want your resentment, if you can call it that, to form any bad curses—you'd hate for them to be attached to megumi. that'd be a burden too hard to carry.

a few missions involve partnering up with megumi. gojo thinks you two work well together; there's a sort of synergy that you have with each other that is hard to come by sorcerers nowadays. you don't mind the compliments, or at least you pretend you don't.

the missions aren't difficult, but maybe that's because you've grown stronger. megumi has, too.

summer passes. it still hurts.

"you're confusing me," you whisper.

you and megumi are shopping for a surprise birthday party that gojo is forcing you guys to throw for nanami kento, a good coworker of his. you've met him more than once, and you're not really sure if he'd appreciate such a last minute party. regardless, you and megumi are tasked with finding enough balloons to fill the poor man's office.

megumi doesn't allow you to hold any of the bags. he lies and tells you that it's out of habit—nobara makes him carry her shopping bags every time they go out—but you know he's doing it just because he wants to. you're perfectly strong enough to carry a few paper bags, and he doesn't carry nobara's bags like he claims he does. megumi doesn't even go shopping with her unless yuji's there and even then, yuji holds the bags.

"sorry?"

"why are you doing this?" you refuse to look at him.

"doing what?"

"this," you say, gesturing at the two of you. "why do you act like we're close enough to do this?"

you cringe at yourself, aware of how hypocritical you're being. you had wanted this, wanted him to go back to being a friend, to treat you like he had before you went and ruined everything. why are you angry? why do your eyes well up with tears as he steps closer to you?

"we aren't close?" he asks. his arms fall to his side.

passerbys give you curious glances. he takes off his sweater, the one he always wears depsite it being humid out, and wraps it around you. the paper bags filled with confetti and paper plates are set down by your feet. he pulls the hood over your head to hide your wet eyes.

"we are," you mumble out sorely, "but not like this."

"i'm sorry," he says, and you're brought all the way back to the day you had told him about just how much you liked him.

"'s not your fault." you sound like you're trying to convince yourself and not him. "i'm being an asshole. you can forget about this."

you don't want him to feel guilty. he can't help how he feels, after all. you don't want him forcing himself to love you.

"what you said that day," he coughs out. the bags crinkle as he lifts them from the pavement. he continues, "what did you mean by 'always'?"

you squeeze your eyes shut and he pauses next to you. you can feel his soft gaze on you and you're glad you can hide behind his sweater, the cloth draping over you like an oversized blanket.

"i don't know..." you tilt your head up to look at him. he looks like the boy you think you'll always love. "i think i was doomed from the start."

"doomed?" he says, a little amused. "loving me is dooming? how sweet of you."

you need to remind yourself that he's not playing with your heart; this is how he copes—and how you cope, too. he must know you better than you had thought.

you nearly scoff. "it's because you're you. you're so good at being you that it hurts."

megumi slows. you hadn’t even noticed that he'd been guiding you down the sidewalk the entire time until now.

"i think it applies to me, too," he say quietly.

"what?"

"'always' applies to me, too." the clarification does nothing to settle your nerves.

"i don't understand," you blurt.

he gives you a look, as if to say, "really?", but he keeps talking, "i think i'm used to this feeling because it's always been there."

"what feeling?"

he shrugs. "you pissed me off when i first met you. you're really stupid, you know?"

your face morphs into an irritated expression. "thanks. you're pretty great yourself."

he laughs and it sounds like music to your ears. "i wasn't finished, dummy."

"sorry."

"you're pretty... a lot more than you think you are," he admits shyly, "and i guess that annoyed me because i kept feeling all weird around you. i got used to it, i think—that weird feeling. but it's always been here. it never left."

you stumble, tripping over your feet at megumi's statment. you don't want to interpret it the wrong way, but with how he's looking at you, you can't help but maybe think that he likes you too.

"this isn't how i wanted to tell you, but," he breathes in sharply, "i don't like it when you cry."

it's awkward. perhaps a little funny, if you really look at it, but it's megumi and you can't hate him. you'll never find it in yourself to truly hate him.

nanami's surprise birthday party isn't much of a surprise. though gojo nor nanami say it, you all know yuji is a favorite of theirs, and no one is surprised when yuji says that he had accidentally revealed the party a few hours prior.

gojo has fun. even shoko, who never shows up to any of these events because of her busy schedule as a doctor, seems to enjoy herself. nanami pretends like he's not entertained, but he has on a fond smile that looks weirdly similar to the way megumi smiles. you're all old enough to party now, as gojo puts it, so it's a little less like a classroom celebration and more like a familial one.

it's the third of july, nearly two months and a half after your confession, when megumi hints that he feels the same way about you.

you don't know what to make of it.

-☆

"i like you."

you're in the middle of getting ready to go out with nobara and her favorite upperclassman, maki, when megumi tells you he likes you back. your eyes widen and the mascara you've just finished putting on smears on your lid.

megumi hands you a makeup wipe as if he's done it a million times before. (he hasn't, but he just knows.)

"w-what?" you stutter out, your breath catching in your throat.

"it took me a while to figure that out," he says.

he's flat on your bed, covering his face with his arm. his t-shirt rises with each of his nervous movements. according to the rules set by gojo, he shouldn't even be here in your dorm. he shouldn't be on your bed and listening to your playlist through your shitty speaker gifted to you by yuji.

"are you joking around?"

"what?" he sits up and turns to you, frowning. "why would you think that?"

"is this you pitying me?"

"i just," he sighs, frustrated, "i needed to tell you before i chickened out. i meant what i said the other day, you know?"

"about you getting 'used to' the strange feeling?"

he nods and then slouches back against your pillows. if it had been any other day, you would've felt shy about sleeping in his scent.

"yeah," he says, running his slender fingers through his jet black hair. "i really did mean it. i think i just—i don't know—pushed you away because i was afraid."

you've given up on applying your makeup by now. your hands are shaking too much, anyway.

"i'm scared sometimes, too," you reply, catching his eyes in the reflection of your vanity mirror.

you see the side of his lips turn upwards. he looks as handsome as ever. he's gotten older since the first time you met him, and it hits you harder now that he's on your bed, his features sharp and his body lanky and tall. there's a sort of intimacy that you sense between the two of you.

"i'm not afraid anymore." his legs swing over the bedframe and he easily reaches the ground even though your bed is raised. "i'll be brave for the both of us."

oh.

"what do you think?" he tilts his head.

you stay home that night.

-☆

"so are you guys dating now?" yuji exclaims.

you both freeze.

"fuck off," megumi says instead of answering the question.

"god," yuji huffs out. "finally! all those peptalks and you don't even tell me that you got the girl?"

megumi blushes from beside you. neither of you had expected yuji to be awake to witness you two watching the sunrise on the hill beside the school.

"you know," yuji grumbles, "it took a lot of convincing to have you realize that you've been in love this entire time, megumi. the least you could've done was tell me."

megumi ignores him and snuggles further into you.

"why are you up so early?" you ask, shuffling underneath the blanket that is covering you and your boyfriend.

"instinct." yuji's shoulders drop, defeated. "'k, i'm gonna leave you guys to be romantic and shit up here. have fun explaining this to nobara later."

nobara almost wrings your neck out when she catches megumi holding your hand that saturday morning. she tells him that he needs to make up for the months he left you feeling sad. he says he's already forgiven, and he's not wrong (because you're weak when it comes to him, just like he's weak when it comes to you).

you think that you would've chose to love him no matter the outcome. loving him is easy like that.

a/n: oh my god. this was a word dump and not proofread. i am so sorry this took forever to come out but i ended up changing the plot like a billion times cus it wasn't good enough.. LOL. hope u enjoyed this!!! thx for making me write more megumi because i love writing him (he's been my fave character since the anime came out three years ago hehehe). ngl it was kinda rushed bc i wanted to get this out but i think it turned out fine!!!! ok thx once again ily muah xx

[ghostgirl-22]

stanford era art having a bad day (maybe he failed a test or something, nothing too serious) but he gets really upset (like he’s gonna cry) so when he gets back to his dorm patrick is there (cuz he’s visiting) and patrick wants to take care of art, see what art needs but art is like “please just fuck me” or something along those linessss

Hello my love, thank you for the prompt <3 This got crazy long for some reason. Just needed Art wandering about feeling sorry for himself lol

CW: 18+ !NSFW!

—-

It’s frustrating, he’s never ever failed a test before. Particularly in math. It’s not like he wants to be a math major or an engineer or anything but he’s been in advanced math since he was 14 years old, he should be able to handle this.

He tries not to cry as the professor goes over the results of their calculus based physics exam and the other students in the class are answering questions, demonstrating their work like it’s easy. Meanwhile he’s struggling to understand it. He talks to the professor after class and the professor is understanding but he explains, “these are the basics, the class is only going to get more difficult. So I suggest you withdraw and retake it after you take a more fundamental calculus course?”

Art nods and forces a smile, his throat burning as his professor pats him on the arm.

“It’s okay, plenty of students go that route and still become architects and engineers. There’s nothing wrong with it.”

Art is barely aware as he treks back to his dorm. He’s never flunked out of a class. And yes, math is one of his more challenging subjects but he’s always been able to work hard enough to figure it out. Working hard is his one talent. It’s how he ended up as one of the best students at Mark Reballato, salutatorian. He used to be the one to tutor his classmates. He aced every AP and Honors course. He’d studied so hard and done so well on the SATs and yet these kids at Stanford are actual child prodigies and geniuses…and for some of them it’s like… it’s like they don’t even have to try.

By the time he gets back to his room his eyes are full of tears. Why can’t he fucking excel at anything? Why can’t he be the prodigy for once? Why does he always have to try so fucking hard?

He knows his roommate won't be home until evening and he’s so ready to throw himself on his bed and sob like a loser but as he pushes open the bedroom door he remembers Patrick is visiting. He’s there on Art’s bed watching The View, of all things, and talking on the phone with his sister.

He waves, grinning but pauses when he sees Art’s face. Art can’t even hide it, it’s too late. Tears spill from his eyes and he drops his book bag in his chair.

“Hey Tor I’ll call you back,” Patrick says, into the phone.

Art wipes the tears away quickly, angry that they’re there in the first place.

“Hey! What’s wrong?” Patrick asks.

Art shakes his head. “Nothing.”

”Seriously? You look like a kicked puppy. Come on, tell me what’s wrong. Is it your grandma… or… or tennis?”

”No Patrick, you just… you wouldn’t understand.” He knows Patrick wouldn’t take this seriously. Patrick’s just another prodigy. All their coaches telling him how brilliant he’s been at tennis since they were 11. And Tashi too, a once in a generation talent, that’s what they’re calling her.

“Try me,” Patrick says. Art stares at him. He’s lying across the width of Art’s single bed, back resting up against the wall. He’s in his boxers still, legs open, his muscular thighs spread out. Hands folded inside the Stanford t-shirt he borrowed from Art. His penetrating gaze is resting on Art and he looks concerned. And so fucking hot.

Art rubs his eyes again. He’s frustrated and angry but now he’s feeling… horny. He probably should’ve thought twice before having sex with his best friend. Everything is all silly now. He’s not sure why he did it. Well actually, he was trying to fuck with Patrick, see if he could ruin his relationship with Tashi.

He didn’t even think Patrick would go for it, just mentioned it casually on Patrick’s birthday but he came back a couple days later with all these different kinds of lube and condoms and they spent a long rainy afternoon trying to figure it all out. Exploring different positions, techniques, playing with each other. Now they're doing it all the time and the whole thing backfired because Art’s the one craving it. He walks between Patrick’s legs. “Can you fuck me?”

Patrick raises his eyebrows. “Really?”

Art shrugs.

Patrick sits forward. “Yeah. Sure.” He says, the ghost of a smirk on his mouth. “It’s so early for you. You usually like it when I buy you dinner first.”

Art digs the heels of his palms into his eyes as stupid tears drop down again.

“Art, seriously…are you okay?” Patrick asks, tentatively. “I can help… tell me how to help.”

“I’m fine. It’s nothing,” Art says, and he climbs onto the bed. Straddling him. “Just fuck me.”

Patrick grips him by the waist. “Mmkay, I can do that.” He says, unzipping Arts pants. He tugs Arts jeans down over his thighs and Art steps out of them. Then he’s lifting his t-shirt over his head and climbing back onto Patrick’s lap.

Patrick touches his face, rubs a thumb along the wet space on Arts cheeks. “Did someone hurt you?” He asks softly.

“No, Patrick please, I don’t want to talk about it.” Art whines. His brain is freaking out because of the tenderness and the last thing he needs is to freak out over his feelings for Patrick too.

“Alright,” Patrick says and he kisses Art. And kisses him again. Art licks at his lips and pushes his tongue inside.

He can feel Patrick getting hard underneath him as they make out. It’s so much and it happens so fast, Arts dizzy for it. “That’s a neat trick,” Art whispers. Grinding his hips against the sensation.

“That’s what you do to me,” Patrick sighs against his lips.

Art smiles. Maybe he sucks at math now but at least he’s still good at this.

“Need you lubed up,” Patrick hums. Art gets up and crawls over to his bedside table. He can feel Patrick’s large palm rubbing on the swell of his bottom as he’s bent over. Art’s got all this stuff he has to hide when his parents are in town now. He pulls lubricant out and while Patrick’s putting it on his cock Art lingers on the bed, playing with his waistband, watching while the ladies on The View are arguing about something.

“You can turn it off, my sister wanted me to watch Phil Collins perform or something,” Patrick says, distractedly.

“Okay fuck me while he performs or something.” Art says.

Patrick smirks. “Fuck, you really need to cry don’t you?”

Art takes a breath.

“Okay sorry,” Patrick says gently, “Can you lay down?”

Art settles onto his back. Keeps his legs open as Patrick crawls between and takes his boxers down. “Mm, what time does your roommate get back?”

“Later,” Art says.

“I don’t have to keep you quiet then,” Patrick smiles.

Art chews on his thumb as Patrick lines himself up to press it inside. He’s all lubed up but Art is just used to the fact that it’s always going to feel like a lot at first. He breathes through the stretch and watches amused as Patrick rubs his at Art’s pelvis. He always does that, trying to feel his own cock penetrating from the outside. “You’re always so fucking tight for me baby. Feels like I didn’t even take your virginity.” Patrick says. It’s all for his ego. He moves down to rub Art’s cock and Art moans. Wraps his legs around Patrick’s waist, wiggling his hips.

“I know, relax, I’m gonna fuck you,” Patrick breathes. He starts sliding it in and out and out and in. Patrick’s had him in so many positions but this is Art’s favorite, he can feel Patrick sinking so much deeper inside him this way. Sees stars on every other thrust and his head empties out quickly. Once he came so hard he swears he had a second orgasm two minutes later. Patrick says he just wasn’t done.

This time it feels blindingly good. He’s feeling so good, he bites down on Patrick’s shoulder to relieve some of the tension. He wonders if Tashi ever notices his marks, the way he notices hers. Sometimes when he’s really turned on he bites where she scratches.

After a few minutes he thinks he’s listening to Patrick moan but realizes belatedly that it’s him. His mouth is watering so much that he’s drooling. Patrick is grunting as his hips slam into Art at a ridiculous pace. Art feels so fucking full, he loves the feeling of Patrick warm and solid inside of him, breaching him. His body lit up like a raw nerve as Patrick hits that delicious tender spot over and over and over. He’s gonna pass out. It sounds so fucking obscene over the sound of the bed springs squeaking and Phil Collins in the background.

Art loses it first, sticky ropes of pearly white shooting out of his cock, covering Patrick’s stomach, dripping back down onto Art’s body. And then it’s too much, Art can feel everything and he’s squirming trying to get away as Patrick picks up the pace.

“No, no don’t run away… two fucking seconds stay here,” Patrick groans, gripping him tightly. It feels insane. It feels so fucking good but it’s too much and his eyes are watering again. Art swears he can honestly feel himself drifting in and out of consciousness. He’s coming again, he knows he’s coming again as Patrick finishes inside him, filling him with wet, heated, sticky cum. Art clenching on him. Keeping him inside.

Patrick’s shivering. “Fuck,” he whispers, collapsing on top of Art like a warm heavy sticky blanket.

“Mm,” Art sighs, rubbing Patrick’s back gently, to calm him down. Patrick groans and rolls off of Art onto his side right next to him. He curls his fingers into Art’s hair.

“You feel better?” Patrick asks, softly.

“Yeah,” Art says quietly. He didn’t really do anything but put it out of his mind for 30 minutes. And now he’s coming back to the reality that he’s only in his second semester of college and he already has to drop a class.

“Feel like telling me what’s wrong?”

Art rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling. “It’s stupid. I failed an exam. I studied so fucking hard and I just— everything on the test looked like it might as well have been written in a foreign language. I thought the whole class would have done poorly but it was just me.”

”What class?” Patrick asks.

“Calculus for physics,” Art sighs.

“Sounds really fucking hard,” Patrick says. “You should tell them to fuck off and come with me on the road.”

“I knew you wouldn’t get it,” Art mutters. “You don’t take any of this seriously. I’m not as good at tennis as you are. I’m not fucking good at anything. Like the one thing I thought wouldn’t be difficult which is school work and I can’t even fucking do that properly. I’m gonna have to drop and I’m not even done with my first fucking year.”

Patrick doesnt say anything for a minute, he’s still fingering Art’s curls. Then he takes a breath. “You’re good at a lot of things, Art. You’ve got to stop beating yourself up. I mean… I get it. You were top of your class in high school but all these dorks at Stanford were the best in their high schools too. I was one of the best players but now I’m on tour facing off with the best players in the world and a lot of them are fucking kicking my ass. Just… you know… Tashi always says to have a little perspective. You’re here for a fucking reason. Don’t psych yourself out before the game is over.”

Art hadn’t really thought about that, Patrick has been having a hard time on tour, Art feels a little softer for him now. He rolls over to face him wrapping a leg over Patrick’s thigh. “You think I should stay in the class? Prove them wrong?”

Patrick smiles. “No, what the fuck do you need calculus with physics for anyway?”

Art laughs a bit. “I mean… if I decide to go to med school I’ll need a physics and a calculus class… but I guess I don’t really need this specific course unless I was going to become an engineer.”

“I’ve heard you talk about being a doctor before, never an engineer.” Patrick says, “Fuck that class, find something better to do with your time.”

“Yeah…fuck it,” Art says thoughtfully, he can play with his teammates on the indoor courts in the mornings. He feels so much lighter actually. Patrick is right, he really doesn’t need this course at all. He was just so used to high school, thinking everything put in front of him was something he needed to ace. In college, none of it mattered except for what he needed for his major. Patrick’s tracing circles idly along Art’s thigh. “Mm, something better to do with my time….” Art says, smiling, “You think we can fuck again before my roommate gets home?”

Patrick smirks, “Oh absolutely.”

[rewh0re]

PATIENCE ; NANAMI KENTO

—wc: 1.9k, angst, canon compliant, death, nanami is married (to you) and has a child (with you), implied female reader (mrs and mama used), fluffy in the beginning dw, crying yuuji hmm that's it :D REBLOGS + FEEDBACKS ARE APPRECIATED!!

—a/n: i have an exam and I'll prolly be posting it right before that so...yea lwk I wrote this cuz I was so fucking stressed but anyways enjoy:D

pic creds: pinterest

Patience.

Patience was never something you would say you were good at. You had always been a very impatient being since you were but a mere child. You would always tap your feet and whine while waiting for your food to be served as a child which often led to some disciplinary words from your parents. You would sit at the edge of your seat in movie halls, waiting impatiently for the climax of the movie. You could never hold your excitement when it came to receiving presents on events such as birthdays or christmas. You simply couldn't.

“Never lose patience, y/n. Great things always come to those who are patient enough to wait,” your father had once told you, holding your tender, childish hands softly in his. You had promised then to practice your patience.

Then came Nanami Kento. Nanami came into your life when you were almost done being patient with finding love. You had waited and waited and done nothing but waited to be loved and adored passionately, to be treated with gentleness and care and all the affection that the world could provide. For the longest time it felt like the universe did not want that for you. Men after men who you had held nothing but love for had left you stranded and lovelorn, a crying mess at three in the night with your romantic heart broken in pieces. Shattered even.

Then came the man who showed you what it was like to be loved unconditionally. Meeting the love of your life at a bakery was something you believed happened only in fiction. But it happened to you and after what felt like an eternity, you could say you felt grateful due to your patience. 

Nanami was a simple man. He worked a corporate job with a salary that got him by. He hated working overtime because it took away the time that he would rather spend lounging around with you in the comfort of your home. 

He later told you he was a jujutsu sorcerer and all you could take out from that conversation was that being a jujutsu sorcerer is a very difficult job. But he was strong—he told you—not the strongest, that title was held by his annoying senior but strong enough. You did not know if that comforted you but he came home every night. He came home to you and the moment he held you in his arms, all your worries dissipated into thin air.

He baked when he was anxious which you learnt quite late. For example, he baked cupcakes before he proposed marriage to you. You did not know the occasion that entailed the many cupcakes kept on your table with a very distressed Nanami at the table. It was only when he dropped the ring while asking you to marry him that you knew that under all his cool and poised persona, your Kento was quite clumsy. You said yes, ofcourse. The next incident you remember of your husband baking would be when you were going into labour. It was a chaotic scene, it was your due date, and Kento was immensely stressed. So, like any stressed person would do, he started baking a chocolate cake. And as endearing as it was, in the middle of it you went into labour and your husband was frantic. Well, at least your daughter came into the world that day and nothing could beat the relief and happiness that washed over Nanami’s face as he held the little sleeping baby in his arms.

“I love you. I love you so much and I love our little girl, no one else matters,” he rubbed the back of your hand as he kissed your forehead.

“We love you too. So much. Thank you for teaching me patience for it led me to you,” you beamed up at him and he smiled at you and that was all that mattered. Your family.

Thus, you learnt patience while being with Nanami. For once you held your father’s belief, that great things do happen to those who are patient enough to wait.

It was Halloween of 2018 when your patience was tested once again. Your daughter loved Halloween and she loved spending it with her father. For the two years that she had been on earth, she and your husband decorated your home with jack-o-lanterns and candles and streamers and what not. Your husband was a great storyteller with how he enraptured your daughter with his stories. 

It turned out your daughter inherited your trait of impatience for she could not wait for her father to return from his important work so that they could finally go trick or treating together.

You, on the other hand, were impatient for a different reason. You were worried. It was a vague call saying Kento was needed immediately at Shibuya due to urgent business. He denied relaying the exact cause of his dispersal but you were smart enough to understand that it was something related to the jujutsu world. The first sign of worry came when he didn't tell you the exact reason. 

“Where are you going, dada?” your daughter held Nanami’s leg, looking up at him with curious eyes.

“Dada has important work, baby. Celebrate with mama and then we three will watch anything you wish to when i return, okay?” he crouched down to her level, gently patting her head.

“Promise you will return soon?” your daughter held out her pinky, a toothless grin making its way on her face.

Hesitance was clear on your husband’s face as he gulped and did his best to smile. That was the second sign of worry.

Nanami linked his pinky with his little beam of sunshine, “I will try my best sweetheart.”

And that was all the reassurance your daughter needed as she ran back to her candy stash in the kitchen. It wasn't enough for you.

“Kento, will you be okay? I’m worried,” you held onto his wrist unable to look up.

You felt his finger on your chin tipping up your face as your teary eyes met his.

“I will try my best to finish this as soon as I can and return to you both,” he gently kissed your temple in a comforting manner but nothing about the situation felt even remotely comforting.

“Promise me you will come home safe Kento,” you touched your forehead to his, looking him in his eyes.

“I have never lied to you and I never will y/n. I cannot make a promise whose surety I cannot guarantee. I love you and I love our daughter and I will try my best to return home to the both of you,” he whispered and you wanted to understand his situation, but you were scared.

“Do you absolutely have to go?” the tears fell from your eyes as he engulfed you in the tightest hug. 

That was the longest he had hugged you and it felt like all his being was screaming that no, he did not want to go but duty calls. You hugged him back just as tightly and the finality of it all did not sit right with you. 

Then with whispered declarations of love from the both of you, he left for his job and it was just you and your daughter.

The third sign of worry washed over you when it was well past eleven at night. You put your daughter to bed amidst her constant crying and whining for Kento and your comforting whispers saying he will return. You could not help but sit at the kitchen, your fingers tapping the marble kitchen island in an impatient manner. Your eyes kept averting to the clock. When would he come back? Your daughter’s soft snores filled the silence along with the clock’s frantic ticking. It was dreadful, nothing about this silence screamed peace. You just wanted your husband to come home and complete your family.

And then the doorbell rang. A sharp ring that echoed throughout the house and for a second relief washed over your body. Kento was home. He returned home. To your daughter. To you. You almost tripped as you ran to open the door.

“Kento it's so late you had me worri—” it was not Kento. Looking at you from the other side of the door was Yuuji. A very bruised and battered Yuuji. His pink hair was a mess with dirt and blood stuck on it. There was a big gash on his face and his clothes were bloodied. 

“Yuuji what…what happened? Are you alright dear? Come in let me clean the wound,” you gently held the boy’s hand and he could not meet your eyes. His lips wobbly and hand limp in your hold.

“Yuuji, is everything alright?” Is Kento alright? That's what you wanted to ask.

“Mrs. Nanami, I am so sorry,” the boy sniffed.

“Is Kento…” you could not say it, saying it would give it a shape, a form, the truth is always a hard pill to swallow.

“I am sorry. He…he wanted you to know that he loves you and your daughter more than anything in the world. It's my fault, I am so sorry. I was useless. I could not save him,” you could not cry in front of a boy who was clearly breaking apart. You could not do it.

It was difficult to process, everything felt unreal. You hoped, wished for Kento to come and say it was just a silly prank and Yuuji agreed to go with it. But none of that happened. It was just you and a broken teenager standing in front of you blaming himself for something that was not his fault. You could not cry. Not now.

So you took the boy in your arms. You hugged Yuuji tightly and gently stroked his hair.

“Thank you for telling me Yuuji. I may not understand much about his work but he loved you. So much. As do I. And as does our daughter. I know none of it was your fault and you must not blame yourself for it, Kento would not want you to. You are just a boy, it will never be your fault. Just know he was proud of you, so am I. Thank you for relaying the news, sweet child,” you kissed his temple and looked him in the eye, a watery smile on your lips.

Nanami and you were parental figures to Yuuji and the last thing you would want was for the boy to blame himself for the inevitable.

You knew you would break once Yuuji left, you would cry in the home you had built and god you did not even want to think about your daughter’s reaction to the news. She was a daddy’s girl after all. But right now you needed to make sure the boy in front of you was okay, he had to go fight again and save the jujutsu world, you could not lose him too. 

So you hugged Yuuji and let a few tears escape your eyes as he sobbed in your arms. You both needed each other. You allowed yourself a moment of company before you would be left alone again, sobbing and breaking at the thought of your husband not coming home. Before you had to tell your daughter and witness her tears and loneliness.

This time patience did not bring something great. This time, patience snatched away the one thing that mattered the most to you.

[meep-moops-stuff]

Safe and Sound - Sidney Crosby x Reader

merry Christmas !! 🎁

Y/n was at her apartment, late at night doing some last minute studying. She has an exam in psychopathology, and for some reason it was a hard subject to study.

She tapped her pencil against her textbook, trying to focus on the words as she reads but she was unable to.

Y/n sighed, closing her textbook and leaning back against the pillows, closing her eyes as she rubbed her temples.

It was silent except for the rain hitting against the windows in her bedroom.

She turned her head slightly and looked outside, seeing the raindrops land on the window.

Her phone buzzed beside her and she groaned, interrupting her silence.

She sat up and checked it: a missed message from Sidney.

“Forwarded you information for the stylist! Let me know when you get it”

She sighed and dropped her phone, covering her face with her hands.

This is still so surreal.

A stylist? From THE Sidney Crosby?

She took a deep breath and sat up, swinging her legs around to the side of the bed.

She gripped the edge of her bed, closing her eyes as she felt the palms of her hands begin to sweat.

Oh fuck, not now she thought.

She breathed in through her nose and out her mouth.

Her phone buzzed again.

She turned her head to look at it from her Home Screen.

“Want to FaceTime later? Just got home from a team dinner”

Y/n groaned, standing up slowly.

Her phone started to ring this time, Sidney was already calling.

“Jesus Christ” y/n mumbled under her breath, rubbing a hand over her face.

She sat back down on the bed and answered.

“Hi baby girl” Sidney said softly. He was in his kitchen, making a post practice meal for tomorrow’s practice.

His phone was propped up against his salt and pepper shakers, she picked up on.

Y/n shrugged and sighed.

Sidney stopped what he was doing and leaned into the camera frame.

“What’s wrong sweetheart?” He asked.

Y/n looked up, but broke out in giggles as she saw how close Sidney was to the camera.

“Could you be any closer?” Y/n said through giggles.

Sidney chuckled and backed away a little, leaning on the counter by his forearms.

“Tell me what’s wrong, baby. Talk to me”

Y/n hated when he did that, because it always made her break down the walls she spent so long to build up.

“I just…have an exam tomorrow in a class that’s difficult. And then the night of assists is coming up and it’s just…” she trailed off and looked down at her lap, cracking her knuckles.

“It’s a lot on your mind, isn’t it sweetheart?”

Y/n nodded, feeling her eyes water.

She quickly wiped her eyes with her sleeves and sniffled. She could see Sidney tilt his head from the corner of her eye, something he does when he feels bad.

“Baby girl, look at me.” He whispered.

Y/n looked at the screen, her vision becoming blurry as the tears started to fall down her cheeks.

“It’s ok to be overwhelmed. I know it’s a lot for you and I’m trying my best to not throw all the things you deserve at you at once.”

She smiled and wiped her cheeks.

“Look at me darling”

Her vision was clearer as she looked, Sidney smiling and this time on his couch.

“Don’t worry about the stylist. We’ll take care of that when it gets closer so you can focus on your exam.”

Y/n nodded and hiccuped, thankful Sidney was talking gently to her.

He shifted on the couch, putting a pillow on his lap.

“And your exam? You’ll do great on it. That’s a class you have an A in, right?”

She nodded and smiled, loving how he remembered.

“So if you WERE to somehow not do so well, it wouldn’t tank your grade too much.” He said.

Y/n hadn’t thought about that before. She was too focused on wanting to be perfect, NEEDING to be perfect.

“And I know you want to be perfect in everything you do for school. Because you think if you’re not, it’ll prove that monster right. But it’s not true, baby. No matter what happens on this exam, you’ll still be an amazing student.”

Y/n had began to cry again, this time from being emotional and relieved, relieved that someone understood her and didn’t get upset with her.

“But I’m so used to-“

“I know what you’re used to baby. And it breaks my heart that you’re used to always having to be perfect for your father. But I’m not him. I love you no matter what sweetheart.”

Y/n hiccuped again and smiled. She felt a little bit better, the dread no longer being present in her chest.

“Thank you” she mumbled.

Sidney smiled and leaned back against the couch.

“Now, go take a shower and watch something on Netflix to relax, ok? Text me when you’re out of the shower and in bed.”

Y/n nodded.

“If you need to, you can also take your anxiety medicine. I know you don’t like relying on it, but it can help sometimes”

She shrugged and got off her bed, grabbing her pjs.

“Ok I’ll take some. Have a good night Sid” she mumbled, walking into her bathroom.

Sid hung up, and y/n set her things down on her sink.

She turned the shower on and tuned up a playlist.

She was ok.

[stanfanfiction]

Taste of You - Ken x fem!reader - PART THREE

Edit: multiple parts have been uploaded and can be found on my pinned Masterlist on my profile :)

For anyone who might want to skip the panic attacks/trauma response bit of the story and just enjoy all the smut (which I absolutely understand and would absolutely lose my mind if someone unintentionally got triggered by my story), I have put 🫶s all along the top and the bottom of the section of the story. So it’s super easy to just skip that entire section and enjoy what you had originally come for :)

Warnings: 18+ / V1rgin Ken / slow burn / smut smut smut/ losing virginity / P! In v! / oral (m! Receiving) / fluff / angst / mental health/ panic attack / purse-snatching incident / hard day for the reader / caretaking Ken / shower play / trauma response / ball touching & sucking / size k!nkk / praise K!nk

You hopped in your classmate’s car, slamming the door shut, attempting you not look like you just ravaged by a living doll inside your house.

You classmate saw through your bullshit immediately. Zoey leaned her head back and laughed out loud, and you looked at her, knowing your ruse was up, and laughed, too.

“Is it that obvious?” You asked.

Zoey pulled down the passenger seat visor mirror and opened it for you. That’s when you saw how flushed you were AND the giant hickey forming where your neck and shoulder met. “OH FUCK.”

Zoey laughed again, putting her purse in your lap. “Glad you know you’re having a good time again,” she winked. “My concealer should be in one of my purse pockets.”

You found it and started dabbing it onto the bruise.

“So who’s the blonde?” Zoey asked, nodding towards your condo. You turned to look and saw Ken staring out the window, smiling, waving at you. Oh god.

You smiled and waved back. “Go, please, go now. He’ll come out and want to talk if you don’t.”

Zoey stepped on the gas and you watched Ken disappear in the side view mirror.

“Tell me about your new man,” Zoey coaxed.

“Later,” you giggled. “I don’t even know where to start.”

“Mmm, fiinnee,” Zoey exaggerated.

🫶 🫶 🫶 🫶 🫶 🫶 🫶 🫶 (Beginning of trauma response section)

Class was easy but also torturous. You aced your exam and were out of the classroom within half an hour, and stopped for another coffee at the campus cafe on your way to your next class. You wanted to be back with Ken. You hated how fast he had turned your world upside down, especially dealing with the aftermath of a really scary relationship that you were still slowly working to heal from. You had been in the midst of a mental collapse when Ken showed up in your life. You now wondered how much of an unconscious decision inviting him into your home had been about possibly just not living alone so you felt a bit more safe.

You got through your next class decently easily, considering how boring the lectures were in this one, but kept spacing out for some reason today. Your memories with your ex kept ravaging your mind despite how hard you fought them, and it was difficult to focus on taking class notes. The professor called on you to answer a question and, despite feeling like you knew it, answered incorrectly, and that got into your head, making you feel even worse about, well, everything at the moment. You were so grateful when the professor announced everyone could leave and reminded when next week’s homework assignments were due.

Zoey texted that she had a family emergency and wasn’t able to drive you home as you left the classroom. You sent her your best and told her to let you know how you could help when she needed it. You decided to take the bus, which didn’t drop you off super close to your condo, but it was closer than walking from campus. The bus took ages, as there was a huge traffic jam on the road leading up to the bus stop. When you finally managed to get to the station near your house and got off, a masked man jumped out from around the corner of the building you were walking around with a knife and started ordering you to throw him your bag, approaching you swiftly. You screamed, whipping the heavy book bag into the criminal’s face as hard as you could before turning on your heel and sprinting away. The criminal was knocked down by how hard you had managed to hit him, and thankfully your scream alerted an couple other passerby’s and they started yelling at the guy, who stood as fast as he could and ran in the opposite direction. Once you knew he was definitely out of sight, you slowed your pace a little, finally at the last crosswalk that separated you from your home.

It had rained while you were in class, and as you were able to cross the street, a car zoomed by way over the speed limit and you got doused with a muddy puddle. You stared ahead in disbelief, but grit you teeth and began to walk home a little faster. You hadn’t had a panic attack in awhile, and didn’t want to involve Ken in any of the shit you were suddenly battling again in your head, AND after having just a kinda stupid day. You calmed your breathing as you approached your home, wanting to just shower in peace and hopefully calm down and not worry about anything the rest of the day.

You entered your condo dirty and exhausted. Ken was in the doorway, grinning, like he had been standing there all day. You looked up through wet eyelashes at him to see his demeanor change instantly, walking towards you.

“What happened?” He was so concerned. His hands danced around, trying to figure out what to do, reaching for your book bag then retreating his hand.

“I just….hmmm,” you worked hard to keep your composure. You didn’t want to break down in front of him. “I just need to shower, and, uh, then we can….whatever…”

He heard the defeat in your voice, and he looked so concerned. “How do I help?”

You smiled a little. “There’s nothing you can do, Ken. Just one of those days.” You patted his arm. “I’ll be fine, just need a bit.”

“Oh, okay,” Ken paused, glancing towards the bedroom. “Uh, so, I need you to close your eyes when walking to the bathroom.”

You eyed him. “Why, Ken?”

He seemed distressed. “You’ll see, but later. Can I cover your eyes?”

You were too tired to play games, even though he was being sincere. “I’ll just close my eyes, you can guide me to the bathroom.”

Ken nodded, looking determined. You closed your eyes, offering him your wet hand, and he slowly helped you get into the bathroom, closing the door behind the two of you.

“I can open my eyes now?”

“Yes.”

He stared at you, sad, looking helpless.

“Can I help you get these off?” He reached for your wet clothes.

You gently stopped his hand. “I’m good, Ken. Thank you. I just need a moment alone.”

He looked a little crushed, but nodded, still learning how to navigate this new emotion coming from you.

“Okay, y/n. I’m, uh, I’ll be just outside the door if you need anything.”

“Thank you, Ken.”

You peeled off your wet clothes we he closed the door, shivering from feeling so cold. You turned the shower on to hot, leaning your hands onto the sink counter as you breathed intentionally, still trying not to cry. You needed to cry but felt scared too, but for whatever reason you weren’t sure why. You walked into the hot shower, focusing on enjoying its warmth and began to lather the dirty off of yourself, shampooing your hair, staring towards the floor the whole time.

When you were finally clean, you leaned your head into the wall, slowly allowing yourself to finally leak some tears. Your head spun, and then the sobs came quick and hard. You sank down onto the tile floor, your body heaving, and your wrapped your arms around your legs, hugging yourself as you experienced your release.

You heard the shower door open. Ken stood there, naked, and walked into the shower with you, closing the door. You stared up at him with bloodshot eyes, trembling lips, the shower water falling over your figure. You could see him racking his brain on what to do.

He sat down beside you, the side of frame gently touching your own, as the shower wasn’t big enough to allow you enough space to not be in bodily contact. He copied your stance of hugging your legs, and looked down at the floor.

“I’m not sure what is wrong, but I didn’t want you to be alone.” His voice echoed softly in the tiled room.

You felt safe. It was sudden, it was amazing, and it made your heart ache even more somehow. Shame racked your entire being and you began to sob again, Ken sitting quietly next to you, and his silent company somehow made it easier to experience your pain.

He allowed you as much time as you needed, and when you began to calm down a little, exhausted more than ever, you covered your face with your hands, mortified. You felt Ken’s hand gently touch your forearm.

“What’s wrong?” He asked so tenderly it made you want to cry again.

You shook your head. “I…can’t…”

He waited patiently for you to finish.

“I’m sorry, I can’t talk about it right now,” you said between shaky breaths.

Ken nodded. “That’s okay.” He paused, before asking, “I just want to make sure it’s not something I did to you.”

You looked up at him now, his beautiful face gazing down at yours. You shook your head. “No, Ken. You have only been wonderful to me.”

His anxiety relaxed, and he nodded again. “Whatever it is, I will keep you safe.”

You had no idea why he said that, but maybe somehow his intuition was way more evolved than you realized. A few more tears ran down your face. “Thank you, Ken.”

“I want to help.”

“You are helping.” You sniffed and leaned your head on his shoulder, allowing his calming presence to relax you a little.

🫶 🫶 🫶 🫶 🫶 🫶 🫶 (End of trauma response section)

Ken looked over and saw the bruise he had left on your shoulder area earlier that day. He looked alarmed. “Who did this to you?”

You laughed now, and he startled at that. “You did. When you suck too hard sometimes, you can bruise my skin. We call them hickeys.”

Ken stared. “I…didn’t mean -“

“I know,” you wrapped your arms around his. “It doesn’t hurt, I just have to cover it up when I’m out. Well, I guess I choose to cover it up.”

“Why?”

“It’s kind of an indication that I’m having sex with someone.”

Ken looked confused. “Is that a bad? That people would know?”

You paused, thinking. “I suppose not? It’s just not something a lot of people want others to randomly know, I guess. Hickeys can also be seen as marks of ownership.”

“Ownership?”

“Yeah, like a kink thing. Kind of a, I’ll leave a hickey on you because I want others to know you’re mine.”

Ken’s wheels were spinning. “Kink thing…”

“I’ll explain kinks later, if that’s alright.” You put your chin on his shoulder now, looking up at him.

“Uhh, so, people will see your hickey and assume you are,” he lowered his voice, “mine?”

“Well, not specifically ‘yours,’ as they don’t know who you are, but it could be seen as an indication that someone marks me as a means of calling me their own.”

“Ah.” Ken was working hard to appear nonchalant, but you definitely noticed him processing that information.

Your exhausted state of mind was causing your body to slowly come down from the day, and being this close to Ken, feeling he sensitive he was to wanting to understand you and the world around him was such an easy turn-on. You reached a hand over and placed it on his chest. His pecs swelled when he in-took a sharp breath at your touch.

“You’re so kind to me. Can I return the favor?” You traced your finger down his sternum. A small moan grew from the back of his throat

“You’re sure?” He asked, although suddenly struggling to keep his composure. You LOVED how easily he was turned on by you.

“Mmmhmm. Want to make you feel good.”

“What would you like me to do?”

“What would you like *me* to do?” You repeated back to him, your hand now reaching for his cock, which was already hardening.

“I…don’t…if you are tired -“

“I’m not too tired for you.” You kneeled, turning his face in your hands. “Let me take care of you, my sweet boy.”

That did it. In one swift movement, Ken stood up, bringing you up with him into a standing position. He pressed you into the shower wall, the slight sting of the cold tile awakening all of your senses.

“Gonna make you wet for me,” he said, hooking one of your legs around his waist and holding it there as his now fully hardened cock began rubbing in-between your folds. You moaned loudly at the sparks that exploded in your abdomen.

He reached around with his other hand to grab your butt and you giggled a little when you realized this was his first time really touching you there. He discovered that he could maneuver your hips to move in rhythm with his own this way, and he moaned in awe as he watching your two bodies move together.

His breathing was becoming louder now.

“What do you want, Ken?”

“Just want you,” he shuddered, rubbing into you harder now. You moaned loudly at the way his cock was beautifully massaging your clit. “Just so desperate for you.”

You put your hands on his chest. “Why don’t we take this to bed?” You asked, wanting to be able to pleasure him while he relaxed.

Ken shook his head at first. “Need you now,” he said, hips beginning to buck a little faster, then he slowed his pace, remembering something. “Ohhh, oh yeah. Yes.” He stopped his movement. “Okay, yeah we should go to the bed.”

You cocked your head trying to figure out his change of mind when you recalled he had asked you to close your eyes on the way to the bathroom.

Ken turned off the shower water and stepped out, wrapping you in a towel first so you would stay warm. He hurriedly dried himself off and then tried to help you, which made you laugh, as he only got in the way, but your laugh made him smile, and that felt good to see.

“Okay,” he said, reaching for your hand but then pulling back.

“What’s with the sudden shyness?” You asked.

“Just want you to be happy.”

“I’ll be happy. Can I see now?”

He nodded, then reached back for your hand, which you accepted. He opened the bathroom door and you stepped into the bedroom, and your heart melted.

Ken had put candles on the bedside tables, different colors, all lit, and the bed was covered in fresh rose petals. You looked at him.

“You did this?”

He grinned, pleased to see you liked it. “Yeah. I found this app thing called Pin Interest and uh, looked up things girls like, and I found a picture of something like this. I didn’t know what color you liked best so I got all the colors I could find,” he said, indicating the candles.

You giggled, wanting to correct him that the app was called “Pintrest,” but decided it didn’t really matter. “You went and got all this?”

“Yeah, I took the cash you left for me and went shopping. Although,” he looked confused again, “three different people gave me their phone numbers on the way there and back. I’m not sure what to do with them? Am I supposed to call them about something?”

“Forget the numbers, Ken.” You laughed, and pulled him towards the bed. “Okay, lay down.”

Ken shook his head, and picked you up bridal style. He got onto the bed and placed you in front of him so your back was pressed against his chest and torso, and he reached for a cup on the bedside table.

“You always make this when you seem stressed after class, so I made you some when you got into the shower.” He handed you a cup of your favorite hot tea with a sliver of lemon, just the way you always made it. Had he paid this close attention to you?

You felt like crying again. No one had ever thought about caring for you this way. He wrapped his arms around your waist contentedly as you took a sip.

“It’s perfect, Ken.” You smiled up at him, eyes teary. “*You’re* perfect.”

He looked so happy at you, and reached forward towards your cup. “I just want you to feel loved.” He felt like a wall behind you, secure as you leaned fully back into him, and he rested his chin softly onto your hickey.

“I do,” you wanted to say, but something in you chocked the words down. Instead, you turned to kiss him, and he kissed you back. His kisses were so wonderfully warm and soft. When you two pulled apart, he reached a hand near your cup.

“May I?” He asked.

You didn’t know what he was asking to do but you nodded anyway, and he dipped two fingers into the tea, stirring them around in it for a moment before bringing them up to your lips. Ahhhh, he discovered he really liked his fingers in your mouth. You took them between your lips and sucked on them while Ken watched as his pupils dilated. You licked them for a moment before letting them free, and he looked like he was in a daze.

“Remember how my mouth felt on your cock?’

He nodded, silent.

“Would you like me to do that again?”

“I do. Been thinking about it all day.”

“You’re so patient, you deserve to be rewarded.”

Ken made a soft sound at that, and you decided you’d have to keep praising him the rest of the night, he was so hot when he reacted to it.

You reached over to set your tea down, Ken loosening his grip on you just enough to do so, then tightening it again. You pushed at his arms.

“I need to get up so I can pleasure you,” you purred.

“MMhmm. In a little while.”

You gasped when he hooked his legs underneath yours, ankles wrapping around yours, and opening your legs for him.

“Ken, it’s your turn, remember?”

“Gotta make you wet first,” Ken his fingers back into your mouth, and you knew this was already becoming addictive to him.

“Ken, I promise you, I’m plenty wet,” you said when he pulled his fingers out a moment later.

Ken shook his head. “Don’t want to hurt you,” and with your saliva on his fingers, he began running his fingers up and down your vulva, from opening to clit.

Your head fell back onto his shoulder, and if your eyes had been open you would have seen him gazing adoringly at you. His fingers teased your entrance, dipping in only the tiniest bit before circling it and then going back up to rub on your clit.

“Ken, please,” you begged, your legs shaking a little. “Please let me just pleasure you. I need to. I need to right now.”

“Later.” He pushed two fingers inside of you, curling them right as he entered, and immediately hit your g-spot, causing you to cry out.

“Ken, Ken, Ken…” his name on your lips like a prayer. He was hypnotized by you. You squeezed hard around his fingers as he sped up the pace, holding you in place with his legs. Fucking hell if he wasn’t a virgin you would force him down, ride his face until you collapsed, and then make him fuck you until you lost control over all rhyme and reason.

“Fuck you until you lose what?”

His voice startled you but you couldn’t be bothered to full re-enter reality with the way he was touching you. “What?”

“You were mumbling.”

Oh fuck you couldn’t even trust your thoughts to yourself. You needed to gain back control which would take great difficulty as he swirled his fingers inside you, deeper, feeling every crevice he could find.

“Need you to stop,” you gasped. “Please.”

“Why?” He asked, slowing his pace the tiniest bit.

“Because I want to orgasm on your cock.”

He stopped then and you opened your eyes, watching him contemplate how that would feel.

“The way you squeeze and spasm around my fingers…”

“Yes,” you reached behind you and gripped his throbbing member in your hand, “but around here instead.”

He finally decided to listen and slowly removed his fingers from you. You decided to make him happy and sucked your juices from his fingers, and he shuddered again watching his digits disappear into your mouth. You released them, then looked up at him firmly.

“Now lay back like a good Ken.”

His eyes glazed over a little and he immediately complied, laying down, the rose petals on the bed moving around the two of you as you straddled his hips.

“What would you like first, sweet Ken?”

“Anything you’ll do to me,” he choked out as you rubbed your wet vulva over his cock and ran your fingers down his lower abs, those fucking perfect muscles flexing in time with his spasms.

“Good Ken.” You leaned down and, continuing your slow rubbing on his cock, kissed from his lips, down his neck, to his chest which was heaving with heavy breaths. You smirked at him as the tip of your tongue traced one of his nipples. He grabbed your hips and bucked into you, and you smiled now as you began licking and gently biting him there.

“Ohh! I can’t..fuck, y/n, what….this feels so…” he groaned when you left his nipple for a moment to suck hard on the area of his peck above it, using teeth and staring up at him as he watched you mark him. When you pulled back, the small bruise was already beginning to form, and his eyes shone at you. You realized then maybe marking him for fun might not have been the *best* idea, since he had reacted the strongest to the idea that a hickey represented someone claiming someone else….but you decided you’d figure that out later.

You continued down his abs, licking up and down and he gripped your hair tightly when you reached down to hold his balls.

“Y/N!” He cried, his entire body shaking a little.

“You’re doing so good, Ken. Taking everything I’m giving you so well. You’re handling it all so, so well.”

He regained a little confidence at that but lost everything again when you took his member into your mouth, sucking hard at the tip before lowering your mouth as far to his base as you could. He trembled and made the most wonderful noises you had ever heard, your free hand firmly gripping his base and moving in time with your mouth.

“It’s…..ahhhh! It’s too much,” he gasped shakily, and you paused softly, removing your mouth from him, and climbing back up onto his hips.

“Are you okay, sweet boy? Is it hurting you?”

He stared up at you, and he looked so innocent, so overwhelmed. “I’m trying,” he promised.

“You don’t have to try. This is supposed to feel good.”

“It *does* feel good.” It seemed he wasn’t gaining back any control of his body despite the break from you pleasuring him, and he began to tremble. You took his lips in yours, intentionally moaning into his mouth, and he kissed you back so hard, with so much love, you swear you felt it full your entire being.

“I don’t want to disappoint you,” he whispered, face flushed.

“Why on earth would you disappoint me?” You asked, brushing back a hair from his forehead. He looked so emotional, and then you understood. You had been intimidated and felt oddly shameful and sad your first time, too. You just hadn’t thought that a man could feel the same way, at least it hadn’t crossed your mind until now.

“Everything you are feeling,” you said softly, Ken hanging on your every word, “is normal. But there’s no reason to feel bad about any of this. You’re safe. All of you, all of this, it’s beautiful. It’s special.”

He stared at you, so much trust in his eyes.

“Would you like me to keep going? Or should we stop for awhile?”

He shook his head, running his fingers up and down your back, giving you such a lovely shiver.

“I want everything. I want you.”

“Are you sure?”

He nodded, small, but certain. “Please.”

You smiled at him. You promised yourself you’d be gentle, and you would. You wanted to make this beyond amazing for him. You held his cock, huge in your hand, and thought for a second about how maybe you should have let him finger you a bit longer to stretch you open, but you would definitely make do. You lined him up underneath you, and placed his hands on your hips.

“I know it’s your first time, but I’m going to ruin you for anyone else,” you stated. Ken had no idea what you were talking about but assumed since you were the one saying it that he would love it.

His eyes grew wide as you achingly slowly lowered yourself onto his tip, and his hands gripped your hips so tightly you knew you’d have fresh bruises when this was over. That made you feel so turned on that you lowered yourself further, keeping your eyes on Ken, making sure he was alright with everything as it was happening. He cried out when you fully bottomed out onto his cock, and you moaned loudly as how long and thick he was. You definitely *were* in pain, but FUCK if it wasn’t so incredible and you were soaking up every moment of it.

“You okay, my sweet boy? Are you taking all of this like a good Ken?” You lifted yourself back up, almost letting him fully out of you before lowering yourself back down, having you balance yourself with your hands on his chest because he was causing you so much pleasure but still adjusting to his size. Ken’s head rolled back into the pillows, shuddering, hips twitching underneath you.

You were going to fuck him out of his mind. You began moving a little faster and he spit out the most incredible noises and half-coherent words.

“You are so….ah…bea - I ohhh….tight…you’re so TIGHT…I’m…so good…y/n…it’s, ahh, please, please…”

Your hips moved faster once you were physically able to stand his size, and you panted, focusing on keeping a steady pace as his whole body writhed underneath you.

“Mmmm, you fuck me so well,” you gasped, and he opened his eyes - those gorgeous, blue, being fucked-out-of-his-mind eyes - and looked so proud and happy that he was able to make you feel this good. The fact that he was still so focused on your pleasure when he was literally experiencing intercourse for the first time made you even hotter, and you began bouncing up and down on his cock.

He yelled out in surprise, hands shaking, and you removed them from your hips to your breasts, which he took between his strong fingers and squeezed, your head falling back and you letting out breathy moans.

Ken started getting close to his climax and you could tell, he was becoming even less coherent, and his hands moved around on you, trying to find somewhere to grip but not knowing where to land. You realized he looked a little scared. You leaned forward but didn’t stop your pace while you fucked him.

“Are you okay, my Ken?”

He didn’t answer, just took both of your wrists in his hands. You slowed your pace now, and placed both of your hands on his face. As always, he relaxed a little, his face brightening, and he leaned his cheek into one of your palms.

“Can you help me finish you like this?” He closed his eyes, taking in your scent as your hair fell a little into his face, but he nodded. “Can you put your feet on the bed, bend your knees?”

He complied, and now his cock was buried *deeep* inside of you, both of you moaning loudly in unison.

You kept your hands on his face. “Are you ready, sweet Ken? My good Ken?”

He opened his eyes, completely lost in you.

“Yes, please,” he whispered. You began riding him again and shuddered so hard he had to grip your hips to balance you. He was so fucking deep from this angle you swore he might hit your cervix.

“I’ve got you,” you soothed as you regained some composure and got back into a steady pace. Ken was panting now, every muscle tensed and fucking fuck he was so goddamn strong and chiseled and flawless. He almost yelped when you took a hand back to reach down and press into a spot directly above his cock. You had learned this from a sex magazine ages ago, about how men had a special little “g spot” too to a degree in their groin area there, but had never tried it. Apparently the magazine was telling the truth because Ken seemed to lose all control after that.

He bucked up into you, hard, and you screamed in a mix of pleasure and pain, chanting his name over and over again as you swore your voice would become hoarse from how loud you were having to be to release some of this internal pressure. You felt surrounded by him - his body, his energy, the smell of the rose petals around the two of you mixing with his scent. You were in heaven.

You squeezed your eyes shut as your orgasm hit hard, washing over and over and over again, and if you had been looking you would have seen Ken smiling up at you right before he lost all control himself - feeling you squeeze and spasm around him, hearing you yelling his name over and over again, watching you experience intense pleasure because of him, while on top of him, with him inside you. You were beautiful, so beautiful. He fucked into you fast and hard, chasing his orgasm that exploded his entire being into fireworks, his vision seeing stars as he lost any idea of how he was moving or what was happening around him, only that he felt SO so amazing, and that you were there with him. He sobbed your name as he rode out his pleasure, his body going limp the moment he was through.

You both worked to catch your breath, eyes focusing on each other, and you smiled, exhausted, down at him. He smiled back, tears pricking the corners of his eyes. You were so thankful he didn’t seem scared or embarrassed by it, because you knew that it meant he felt safe.

He whines, visibly unhappy, when you pulled yourself off of him. You laid down next to him on your side, facing him, your body spent. He turned on his side, too, and hooked your leg around his waist, then wrapped his arm around your torso, holding you close. He thrust back up into you completely . You yelped, grasping his strong arm in shock.

“Wanna stay here,” he mumbles, trying to look dominant but his expression being obvious that he was hoping you wouldn’t make him leave. To prove his point, he pushed himself impossibly deeper into you ever so softly, but now it was your turn to see stars, and you felt like you would cry now.

“Please, Ken,” you begged. “I’m really tender right now.”

“I know,” he said, barely moving his hips but still stroking his still rock-hard cock in and out. Goosebumps covered your flesh.

“How are you still able to do this??” Tears actually begun forming now. Your body was telling you it couldn’t take any more but somehow it was, and you couldn’t seem to manage to make yourself push him away no matter how loud you yelled at your body to do so.

“Am I not supposed to be able to do this?” He asked genuinely.

“Most men can’t…ahhhhh…” you faltered, your head falling into his chest as his cock rubbed every inch of the top of your opening, your g-spot getting perfectly stimulated with the rest of your muscle tightening around him.

“Most men can’t what?”

“Do this again so soon,” you choked.

“Mmmmm.” He acknowledged his understanding, then placed a kiss on your forehead. “But I’m not most men.”

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[hiraethwa]

one summer day

04 new dawn. where you learn something surprising about ushijima

<< 03 shining light. | >> 05 saturn i.

pairing: ushijima wakatoshi x reader a/n: i want ushijima to give me his jacket too, CRYING,,, side note i’m going be to busy in feb so updates will be posted every 2 weeks. thanks for reading! - ave word count: 1.3k warnings: mentions of past trauma terms: gap moe -- when someone has a hidden side that contradicts their usual personality/behavior

march, first year

ever since ushijima and tendo joined you and semi at your home back during the first semester, they have remained a constant presence at your study sessions. the four of you have become an inseparable group of friends, even though you stick out like a sore thumb between the tall volleyball players. you were considered tall among your female classmates, but next to the three of them? just a midget.

“i’m an adopted introvert,” you would explain when classmates ask you about how you became close friends with the ushijima wakatoshi and the oddball tendo satori and the pretty setter semi eita. 

the only complaint you have are the sidetracks from the actual point of said sessions, studying. with tendo and semi arguing over literally everything, it is difficult to stay on track. even ushijima adds in a quip to the banters every now and then, his straight-faced delivery of the infrequent lines making them even funnier. 

that is not to say you did not enjoy the privilege of learning about the different sides of the boys compared to how they were on court. no, you fully delighted in finding out random facts about the intimidating players that other people are not privy to. like how they had gotten you a plushie for your birthday, but it seems like they were more attached to it than you, by the way they greet the plushie whenever they are over at your house. 

today, with your parents being home, you all ended up studying in ushijima and tendo’s shared dorm room, all sprawled out in various states around the coffee table that sits in the middle of the simple room. 

“that’s it,” you announce, notebook flopping down on your face as you laid on the floor. “the words are no longer registering in my brain.”

“maybe if you sleep with the book under your pillow tonight, the knowledge will diffuse into your brain by tomorrow for the exam.” semi jokes from across the room in a similar state of dishevel as the four of you try your best to study for the last exam week of the school year on a sunday afternoon turned into night. 

“would that actually work?” 

“what do you think?” 

“maybe if i take a quick nap, then continue studying” you mumble more to yourself as you turn on your stomach, dropping your face on the floor unceremoniously.

“miyamura-san, it’s almost time for curfew, if you don’t go home soon, you will have to spend the night in the dorms.” ushijima kneels before you, picking up the book that you were covering your head with. 

you pick your head up to look at the boy solemnly, lips set in a pout. “so what? i am so fucked for the exam tomorrow, ushijima” you wonder how studying was going for him.

“you will be fine.” he puts a hand on your head in a gesture to comfort you. 

“you don’t know that!”

“in any case, having a good night’s rest is more important than any studying now.”

“you know, he’s technically right, school is just like volleyball, and ushijima-san is an expert at that.” tendo agrees with ushijima.

you sigh. “help me up then,” fingers wiggling in the air as you wait for ushijima to pull you upright.

if you were not in autopilot mode as you picked your things up and stuffed them in your backpack, you would have heard tendo’s teasing “semi, help me up” pointed at ushijima, followed by an instant flat “no” from your best friend. but your brain was turned off for the night as you pull your shoes on to go home.

“see you later,” ushijima throws to the two boys before he clicks the door shut behind him, gesturing to you. “shall we?”

for the most part, you two walk in comfortable silence under the summer moon. that is, until the neighborhood’s stray cat decides to jump out in front of you out of nowhere. you yelp and grab onto ushijima’s sleeve, startled by the sudden movement. 

he chuckles and much to your dismay (and shock), squats down and starts psps-ing at the orange cat. you are not sure how much gap moe he could be than this image in front of you right now. for starters, you are not sure if you are hallucinating from how tired you are, and secondly, if this is real, you need proof that this ever happened. so you sneakily take your phone out before calling his name innocently and snap a photo of him and the cat before he can react. 

“i’m gonna let that slide.” he puts his hand out in front of him in what looked like an attempt to pet the cat. you aren’t faking the shock on your face as the cat sniffs at his fingers before brushing up against his hand, as if saying pet me.

your jaw drops from the sight, “oh yeah? you don’t seem like the type.” you wanted to pet the cat, but this cat has only ever hissed at you in passing, so you are completely in awe and jealous of ushijima at this moment.

“only for you,” he turns to really look at you, a small smile playing on his lips. and then, as if he sensed the yearning in you, he tugs on your wrist lightly. “here, hold your hand out for the cat to sniff you.”

you listen to him warily, slowly inching towards the cat in case it tries to attack you, “like this?”

he hums in agreement, “and then, you wait for him to decide if you can pet him.” 

surely enough, the cat starts sniffing you, tail brushing against ushijima’s knees. you carefully smooth the fur between his ears, feeling awed for the acceptance. though shortly after, he returns to the boy next to you, rubbing its head against his hand. “he likes you more than me”

“i am a cat whisperer,” he nods. 

you laugh at his words. before you realize it, the words start falling from your lips. “my little sister was a cat whisperer too” 

and as if being doused with a bucket of ice water, you snap back into reality, painfully aware of your admission. your heart thunders as memories threaten to overwhelm you. stop. turn. lock. you picture shoving them into a bottomless box, locking it and throwing the key away until the next time they break free. just as you have practiced for the last 8 years. 

“miyamura?” ushijima looks at you expectantly as you snap back into the present. 

“yeah? i am feeling a little tired. let’s go.” you stand up abruptly, hoping that he won’t ask you about what you just said. that you mentioned having a sister to this boy you just became friends with a few months ago. you haven’t said those words out loud in a long time. you don’t even remember when the last time was.

to his credit, he does not ask any prying questions about the sister he has never heard of. the sister he has never seen. 

you don’t even realize that you were shaking, mostly from reliving your memories, but also shivering from the chilly night breeze until he drapes a jacket over your shoulders. 

“let’s get you home” he states, hands shoved into his pant pockets as he strolls ahead. 

leaving you staring at his retreating figure, brain muddled and heart jumbled. you vaguely remember him grabbing his track jacket and carrying it instead of putting it on before you left shiratorizawa. 

“are you coming?” he turns around to look at you. you hurry towards his familiar aura that encompasses your roughness, as he strikes up another conversation about something random. that night you lie in your bed, staring at the ceiling with paint scars from when it used to have glow-in-the-dark stars and planets taped to it; one question keeping you awake despite your exhaustion – what is it about this boy that makes you feel so safe?

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[prowlingz]

“WRONG PERSON”

(yandere?)Kakashi Hatake x Fem!Reader

when you accidentally send a raunchy text to your sensei instead of your fling..

-SMUTTTTTTTTTTT- (so 18+ please!)

After spending the whole day talking with Ino and Sakura about how much dick they get, you thought about the last time you got lucky.

By no means was it difficult to string a guy home from some random bar for you, but it wasn’t something you outright sought after.

“We’ll I’m saving myself for Sasuke!” Sakura says, sticking her tongue out at Ino.

“You’re still waiting on that loser? Give it up billboard brow, if he wants anyone - it’ll be me!” She smiles at Sakura.

“And besides, your names are too similar anyways. If it weren’t for his last name, you two could be siblings. Of course, you’d be the ugly one!” Ino says while holding her stomach laughing.

After some more banter, they look up at you. Curious about your “dickstory”, a play on the word “history”.

You smile and say “Well it’s not hard for me to find anyone, but it’s probably not as many people as you think”.

You knew you were attractive, guys told you almost everyday. You didn’t mind them though, as you aren’t a very lustful person, truly minding to yourself and taking pleasure when you want to.

Ino jumps into action “WHO, WHO? Do I know them!? Are they also ninja? How many? How old? How many at one time?!”.

The bombardment of questions makes you giggle. You never knew someone’s sex history could be such an appealing topic, as in your household you were taught that sex is taboo and only for people you truly love. You didn’t follow that rule for long, albeit.

“A few were from some random missions I went on. Not too ma-“ before you could finish your sentence, Sakura said

“Can we guess?”

“What do you mean, guess?” You were confused.

“She means, can we guess who you’ve slept with?” Ino asked with a huge grin.

You thought for a moment. The list isn’t that long, but the people on it are most definitely known to these two. Would it change how they saw them? You thought maybe it wouldn’t be right, as the people you did sleep with didn’t give their consent to their sexual history being stated.

“I’m not sure that’s the right thing to do” you say frowning a bit.

The two girls looked at each other, perplexed how that was a response anyone would give.

“Okay let us guess just THREE and you HAVE to tell us if you have!” They said almost synchronized.

You thought about it. You doubt they’d get all three wrong, but you weren’t going to be happy if they got all three right either. Fuck it. You’d been drinking a bit and the buzz was starting to hit you.

“Fine. Just three.” You said calmly and confidently.

They made the biggest shit faces grin ever and talked amongst themselves.

After about 3 minutes of whispers, giggles, “OMG”s and “no way!”s.. they finally had their three.

“Okay, our first one” Ino says.

You hold your breath. For some reason this is starting to just now hit you, but you don’t want to seem lame and back out now.

“Shikamaru!” They said in synchro.

You burst out in laughter.

“You-you had three minutes and came up with.. Shik-“ you cannot stop laughing.

“SHIKAMARU??” You said at the top of your lungs.

They looked at each other and smiled.

“We just needed a baseline of your standards. You know the guy has had it for you since that damn Genin exam!” Ino said in a fit of laughter.

“I always thought he was gay” you smiled while saying.

“Pshhh, probably is” Ino mocked.

You held your breath, yet again, knowing that their next guess was coming and would probably be correct.

“Okay our next guess is..”

“IRUKA!”

You thought about it. Did it really count as sex? I mean, you both came. He was the first guy that did make you cum.. You thought a bit more. The silence only making Ino and Sakura want to know.

“I mean..” you say, still in thought.

The girls look at each other with mouth wide open and smiling. An eruption of “OMG” and “I CAN’T BELIEVE IT”s came flooding out.

“I guess. It wasn’t really sex though” you were still lost in thought.

“What happened?? Tell us!!” Sakura said.

There wasn’t much to tell them, honestly. You were talking with him one day, friendly, and he invited you over to see his new set up. You went over and it was beautiful, leather sofa with a stunning cherry tree coffee table.

He wanted to show you his bedroom and kept apologizing on how weird he made the comment seem. But you made a sly comment back, something like “I wouldn’t mind if you led me to your bedroom more often”.

And that was really it. You just start kissing and got to his bed, and started touching one another. You could swear that you heard him say “I love you” under his breath as he came, but you were too focused on your own orgasm to care.

After cleaning up, you left.

You tried to explain this to the girls but they wanted more details.

You told them they were wasting their time and better get on with their third person before you just get up and leave.

They pouted.

“Okay,okay. Our third person is…”

“KAKASHI!” Biting their lip as they said it.

Kakashi? You and Sakura’s old sensei? Oh goodness no. You can’t even remember a time that you even slightly hinted at a flirt with Kakashi. Your relationship was very student-teacher respectively.

Now that you’ve grown into a woman with.. curves and breasts, though.. You do think about the even slight possibility of him using you. How his words would sound in the heat of the moment.. how his skin would feel touching you, gliding himself all around you..

You notice yourself trailing off, and not given the girls an answer.

“Hello? Earth to y/n” they say, waving their hands in front of your face.

“Sorry. No. Me and Kakashi never did anything of the sort, or.. even implied so” you said, shutting the girls down immediately.

“I swear that guy is a virg!! I’ve never seen him take any girls around!” Ino says to the both of you.

“Oh, no way. Kakashi is super attractive under his mask, he’s gotta! Or maybe he’s celibate? Hmm..” the two girls thought on it for a moment.

Thoughtful silence fills the air.

“Hey, I’d say you have a pretty good chance, y/n.” Ino says, breaking the silence.

“Yeah! You’re super pretty and if I’m being honest, I’ve caught him staring at you a few times since you’ve become a Jōnin” Sakura states.

You blush. Staring at you? No. You always recognize when men stare at you, even not out of lust. You’re a great ninja, and you would recognize someone staring. Maybe he was using chakra to hide his gaze? Why would he do that? No. Sakura must be mistaken.

All these thoughts ran through your head and you excused yourself as it was well past 2 am.

————————————————————————

Before you knew it, you were home.

You went into your bathroom, washed your face and brushed your teeth. Spitting out the toothpaste from your mouth, you look over at your phone. It buzzes, signaling someone messaged you.

Hayate.

You got excited for a moment, thinking it said “Hatake”. It’s become some sort of thing for you to put peoples contact as their last name. You remember the time you and Hayate shared together though.

The text he sent, though you could only see partial of it through the limited character amount given on the Home Screen, read:

“Hey, was just thinking of you and really think..”. That’s all you could unfortunately read before showing him that you’ve read the message.

After your conversation earlier with the girls, you realize you haven’t had sex in around 7 months.

Damn.

You open the message, now seeing its entirety.

“Hey, was just thinking of you and really think we should see each other again. I know I was just a fling to you but I miss you. Not just your body, but you. Your laugh and face. Everything” the message would’ve been sweet if he didn’t send his dick right after.

It wasn’t a bad dick, but why don’t these men know their dick angles?

It was a photo of himself from his point of view pulling his pants forward to show off his hairy, uncircumcised, hard, veiny cock. He was wearing blue underwear and had black sweat pants on.

Honestly, you probably would’ve ignored the message if you weren’t so horny yourself. “Fuck it. Hayate isn’t a bad looking guy and his dick is pretty satisfying” is all you thought to yourself. You snapped a pic you knew he’d like, it was your hands covering your tits, but still showing most of them off. He loved a bratty tease.

You sent the photo and didn’t think much, waiting for his response.

He responded after about 6 minutes with a video of him.

He was now on his bed, ‘pleasing’ himself. The video was only 32 seconds long, but it was a huge turn on for you.

He started slow, but would buck his hips up for you. His tip was now fully exposed, but his foreskin would still slide up and down it as he went on. His breathing was loud and irregular. He would let out slight groans the faster he went. You could see his dick twitching, just before the video ended.

You took your camera and took a photo of you sitting at the edge of your bed with your thighs touching. Your left hand lay behind you, supporting you up. And your right hand taking the photo. It didn’t show your face in it, only your body. But that was fine. It showed off your tits and beautiful thighs and you knew those were the parts Hayate loved the most.

Before you pressed send, you added a text under it saying “You should come fill me up again”. You bit your lip as you pressed send. You decided to go take a quick shower in preparation for Hayate coming over. You knew he wouldn’t be able to resist the invite.

Only about two minutes into your shower, you hear your doorbell ring. Hayate lived 25 minutes away walking, you doubt he would’ve used all his energy to get to you that quickly. Although you can’t be too sure.

You finish your shower up before heading to the door in just a towel. Hair wet and all, you open the door.

You’re absolutely shocked to see your sensei standing in front of you.

He smiles, “I think you sent this to the wrong person”.

Your mouth agape, you already know what you sent him.

“I.. I um” the only words you can get out of your mouth.

You don’t even know what to say. You just sent an explicit photo to your sensei.

“I’m so sorry” your eyes still plastered to his phone in front of you. You make your way up his phone to his contact name for you, though. Before he pulled his phone away, you read “Future Hatake❤️” you blushed even harder.

You both stand there in silence. You’re mad at yourself for this foolish mistake.

“May I come in?” Kakashi says, breaking the silence.

You’re confused. Does he want to talk about it? Maybe he wants to know who it was for? All these thoughts flood your mind and he makes his way inside your apartment.

“E-excuse me. I should get dressed” you leave and run into your room. You go through your clothes and decide on a white tank top and sleep shorts. It’s your home after all, and it’s well past your regular sleep schedule.

You come back in and find him sitting at the edge of your couch, legs spread and forearms resting on them. As always, he’s unreadable.

You sit at a chair diagonal to him and keep your head down.

“I.. er.. haven’t seen you in a long time” you say, keeping your head down.

“Hmm” he replies.

You can’t tell if he’s lost in thought, upset, sad or whatever it be.

“Who was the message for?” He finally says.

“It.. it really doesn’t matter.. haha..” you say, trying to escort the tension in the room.

He lets out a sigh, stands up and faces you.

“Tell me” he says. His voice deeper than normal.

You’re confused. It’s been months since you and Kakashi have spoken. Why would he care to show up after a text sent to the wrong person? Why does he care??

A question runs your mind.

“How did you get here so fast?” You ask, blankly looking at him.

He looks at you, no emotion in his face.

“I’m always there for you” he stares at you and says. You’ve heard him say this to you many times in the past. You never really held anything to it though, taking it like a friend would say as support.

“Kakashi. What are you doing here?” You say, with a bit of concern in your voice. You know Kakashi is a lot stronger of a ninja compared to you, and could most definitely toss you around if he wanted.

“I’ve had an eye for you since you’ve become a Jōnin. You’ve grown so much” he says, making his way over towards you.

“Be a good girl and lead us to your bedroom, hmm?” he says in the most.. casual tone.

You can’t deny this was a major turn on. But was this right? He’s like, what? 13 years your senior? 14? 15?! Plus, he was your sensei. He raised you when your parents didn’t. You definitely didn’t see him as a father figure, more like an older brother looking out for you.

Were you really going to let this happen? No. No way. You have to tell him no.

“Kakashi, I ca-“ before you can finish your sentence he picks you up like you’re weightless.

He drags you to your bedroom. Did he guess? Has he been to my apartment before? No, never. How does he just..know?

You wiggle, attempting to break free from his grasp. You’re still not all sure if this is what you want, but your core is aching. It wants him to touch you so bad, especially after Hayate’s video got you pent up.

Your heart is racing. Still writhing in his arms, he brings you to your bedroom.

In your squirming from the previous moments, you had lost your loose fitting sleep shorts. Now just in a white tank top and black laced underwear.

You wonder if you’re dreaming. How is this happening? Why? Why to you?!

He places you on your back, and you sit up on your elbows staring at him. His face is a slight pink, and his breathing is a bit erratic.

He puts his knee between your thighs, separating your legs from touching. You make a small noise when he pushes further into you. Staring at his knee, anticipating his next move. He lets out a slight chuckle.

“You’re so adorable”.

“Huh?” You look back up at him. He takes his hands and removes his band, and then his mask. You’ve seen him once without the mask before, so it wasn’t a total shock seeing his face.

He stares at you, and you just stare blankly back.

He then looks down at your breasts, your nipples are hardened by the sexual tension.

You move your head a bit more down, staring at his manhood. Even when clothed, you can tell it’s big.

You both unclothe one another and before you know it, you’re both making out nude.

Whilst kissing you, Kakashi says “I’ve been needing you for so long. That message sent me over the edge”. He puts his hands all on you, seemingly not knowing where to put them.

While on top of you, he spreads your legs and pulls you closer.

His dick sits right on top of your pubic bone, and down to the bottom of your belly button. You’ve been with a fair share of people, none of them as big as him.

You wiggle, demanding his attention to your dripping core.

“Such a needy whore, does Hayate know you chose me over him tonight?” Kakashi breathes out with a smirk.

Your eyes widen. How did he know you were texting Hayate? Did Hayate tell Kakashi? No. They may know each other but most definitely aren’t friends. How long has he been watching you?!

“Well?” He says, finally moving his cock towards your core. His dripping with precum, which mixes with your juices.

Kakashi runs his cock across your clit causes you to wince.

“I know you haven’t been pleased in quite a bit, y/n. You’re so pathetic, I’ve only been here 20 minutes and I already have your clothes off and cock dripping on your needy hole”.

You have no answer to him. He’s right. You’re a needy, pathetic slut that needs him so badly, and he knows it.

You try and give him the most doe eyes you can and say “Kakashi-sensei.. please use me..” you see his shield of cockiness falter for a moment.

“Oh fuck..” he says looking at your eyes.

You open your mouth to say please.. but before you can, he’s shoved his entire length into you.

You moan so loud, and instinctively go to cover your mouth. He grabs your wrist before you’re successful, and puts both your wrists over you head with just one hand. His other one reaches over for your phone. He unlocks it with your passcode, no way he could’ve guessed it. It’s literally just random numbers “18849”. He’s been watching you like he said..

He begins to pump into you rapidly.

“Oh fuck..ah~” you moan freely.

“Which one of these boys should I call? Hmm? Who should I show you’re being such a naughty whore for?” He says between breaths.

“S-sensei ple..ahh.. please d-don’t!” You can even speak with how rough he’s treating your core.

“I’m calling Hayate”.

“N-nO.. pl-pleasee sensei. I’m-I’m yours and… mmmfffggh.. only yours.. ahh..” you plead with him.

He decides not to call him, instead taking multiple photos and videos of you getting pumped by him.

He cums inside your pussy, letting out multiple groans throughout. You’re a bit disappointed it ended so quickly.. or so you thought. He continues to pump into you even after cumming.

“K-kashi… did.. did you..mmgfff~”

“Y-yeah.. I’ll stop using you when I want. You’re mine” he says with complete lust in his eyes.

He starts going through your phone.

You’re scared. You have texts on there, pretty nasty, to other guys. How will he treat you seeing them?

He shames you by reading them aloud.

“‘I’ll be so good for you master’ you love calling people titles huh? You like calling me sensei, huh?”

“P-pleaseeee…~~” you don’t even know what you were saying please to.

All you can think about is how unfair this all is. Yeah you’ve slept around and sexted men, but you’re sure Kakashi has texted his fair share of women.

“Hmmm… these photos you send them. Never thought your sensei would want to see you like this? All weak and pathetic over his cock”

It didn’t matter what he said. You didn’t know if he was saying it to be mean or horny but it was the truth nonetheless.

“I..ah~.. I don’t know..” you told him.

You came around his length.

“Ah..heh~” he says as he finishes pumping the last of his seed into you.

With the last remaining strength you have, you sit up and watch the sperm drip out of you.

You and Kakashi take a shower together, and you immediately pass out in bed, totally satisfied with your dick appointment.

You wake up to no Kakashi and a barrage of messages from Hayate saying shit like “you totally blue balled me but that’s okay I went out with one of your girls”. You just laughed so hard, you knew Ino would have no interest in Hayate, her standards are way too high. And Sakura was telling the truth most definitely about saving herself for Sasuke.

You went through your camera roll and sent him a video of Kakashi fucking you til your brain was mush and sent it to him.

Kakashi is all you want.

No.

Kakashi is all you need.

[hightwers]

TEACHER'S PET ─── ANAKIN SKYWALKER

summary: anakin skywalker, sorry the teacher's aide anakin skywalker. teachers and students aren't supposed to be this close, right? it's a bad idea, right?

warnings: smut, gaslighting, coercion and manipulation. themes of student/teacher relationships are present. mdni, 16+. fem reader, usage of the word cunt, cock, pussy, etc. talking you through an orgasm.

Everyone knew Mr. Skywalker; he was the young teacher's aide. He was fairly young, couldn't have been more than 23.

And he was kind, charismatic, and helpful. He was often seen helping other students during office hours, staying late to grade and correct assignments.

It was said that he had a favorite student, but that's neither here nor there.

It was the first time she had failed a test. A big one. Fuck. This was avoidable had she actually taken the time to study.

And she didn't. Instead she decided to fuck around and get drunk with several people from her class. To be fair, it had been fun in the moment.

And much to her dismay, Mr Skywalker had asked her to stay after class.

Not wanting to leave anyone hanging, she did.

"Hey! I didn't think you'd stay! Cool, as you know Matt didn't stay today, sorry about that, it really should be him talking to you about your exam," he apologizes profusely as if that makes the situation better.

She sits there, quiet, and nodding along. "No, I mean its fine, you're his aide, you know just as much as he does,"

"Right, right, right," he says with a laugh. "So, what's up? You never score anything lower than a 94, and this time you have a 37, what happened?"

Ah there's the question. "And I understand that things happen, but are you okay? Everything okay at home? Was the material too difficult?"

She shakes her head. "No, I just... Long weekend, didn't prepare enough,"

He nods in understanding. "Well, you are young, so," he laughs understandingly. "We'll give you a retest, just come back in a week. Study the material, if you can't understand it, come find me and we'll work on it together, yeah?"

She nods. "Thank you Mr Skywalker," she replied with a slight smile.

"Anakin, we're not in class at the moment," he corrected.

Her smile widened. "No, I suppose we're not," she agrees, her fingers intertwine with her own.

"You know, you don't have to take the retest, there's. . . something else you could do," he offers hesitantly.

She perks up. "What's that?"

His eyes glimmer with excitement and he presses his lips together. "Oh, its uh nothing, nevermind,"

She deflated just a little. "Aw, what's the matter? It's not like you need a friend, right?"

He shifts uncomfortably in a chair. "Uh no, but really, its fine,"

She moved closer to him and leans over his desk. "Why? Its not like I'm gonna beg to suck you off," she joked. "Unless you ask me to,"

His eyes glimmer. "I'm not sure that's an appropriate. . . suggestion," he whispers. "But. . ."

She rises from her chair. "But?" she asked, leaning against the desk, sitting on the edge.

He glanced at her. "If. . . " he begins and shakes his head. "No, its not right," he muttered to himself.

She glanced at him. "I'll do anything," she whispers. "I swear, please,"

He shakes his head. "Morally its just not right," he says. "You understand, right?"

"Mr Skywalker," she pleads. "I'll do anything,"

His lips quirk at her comment. "Anything?" he asked.

She nodded.

"On your knees, sweet girl," he whispers and his eyes flicker with excitement as she does. "You have to be quiet sweet girl," he whispers.

The pet name fills her with a warm feeling, it courses through her as she kneels in front of him, her hands reach for the buckle on his pants and he swats her hand away. "Patience is a virtue, Darling," he whispers.

She moved closer to him, carefully unbuckling his pants and belt, tugging his pants down slightly, and leaving him in his boxers.

There's a tent in his pants, aroused to the point of wincing when her fingers brush him through the thin cloth. "God," he moans softly.

She's pleased with the reaction and her hand slides into the briefs, her fingers rubbing at the slit on the head of his cock, causing a soft and low moan to escape his lips.

A part of her knows that she needs to stop, that she needs to draw a line but the other part of her knows that she'll never have this opportunity again.

Her hands make the motion to tug the boxers down, leaving him standing at attention and then it hits her. "I should stop," she whispers.

He shakes his head. "No, please, don't stop," he begged softly. "We don't have to talk after, you don't have to talk to me if you don't want to,"

She looks at him, he looks desperate and he's shaking from all the feelings stirring within him; she falls to her knees again and pressed a kiss to his tip, swirling her tongue around him.

Her mouth engulfs him, her hand working whatever doesn't fit in her mouth. She allows herself a small laugh as his fingers tangled in her hair, grasping and tugging at it as he raked his fingers through her scalp. "Please," he pleads.

She groans around his cock as he begins to thrust himself into her throat, she controls his pace with her hand and head. She can tell that Anakin was trying to keep his moans and groans to himself as she rakes her teeth along his cock. His sharp intake of breath spears through her like a jolt of electricity down her spine and throughout her body as she licks the bead of his salty seed.

Anakin makes the mistake of looking down, her eyes were on him as she works his length with one hand, her full lips wrapped around the head of his cock, her tongue swirling around him and he nearly whimpered from the sensation.

She enjoys watching him in this desperate state. He's basically whimpering for her at this point and the minute its all over, with his seed dripping from the corner of her lips, she pulled away from him, her throat raw and abused from how his shaft forced itself down her throat.

He's begging her to keep this a secret, begging her to never speak of it again.

She won't, but she'll never forget how he begged her to, and how he promised her that she'd never speak to him again.

It was a one time thing, just to get her grade up, right...?

authors note: part two? let me know!! this was also... taking me forever to write. this originally started as a concept on tiktok because of @ioveanakin's edit.

[rkaln]

• akatsuki!Lee propaganda

txt

> gaara really feels guilty. in general, it looks like Lee literally found himself in the position that Gaara has always been in, and which he is trying so hard to fix. so a one-time dialogue with an apology should end with an unspoken

"you can come if necessary, and you will be accepted/ not handed over"

> So over time it becomes a safe space and a place where one might not be "akatsuki given that, definitely, over time, Lee may have thought that he would like to return home, but understanding how impossible it is now does not give reason to consider such an option

***

a little offtop, but DO YOU REMEMBER THIS FILLER? I know that filler is not canon, but it fits so well into this AU. because my reasoning boiled down to the fact that orochimaru perfectly manipulates emotions and, in fact, there were no guarantees that Tsunade would have been found at all, but Guy? if before the filler, I put it into the fact that Lee could reason that he would prove to him that it was the right decision. And she will only show herself to him when she can prove it. then AFTER this filler, I consider it one of the main triggers for making a decision.

(ok, no one will deny that Lee is very emotional, and in fact there are enough moments in the canon when it acquires an aggressively dark character, but a really difficult emotional state also plays a role here, and if to a huge offense towards Sasuke and doubts about the life position that "really everything can be done with the help of your own work." ADD THIS MOMENT FROM THE FILLER TO IT?? moreover, he is still, you know, a teenager)

s o, this is one of the reasons why I don't consider that he would return to Guy. if at first it was anger and resentment, then with time and the realization of some other things, it would just come down to shame and guilt.

***

> so Gaara and Lee have much more understanding of each other in this AU at the level of life experience.

So even taking into account the fact that they had no interaction here except for the arch of the exam (because the arch with Sasuke's persecution is already superimposed on the time when Lee left), gaara would still be ready to provide unconditional acceptance to him, because he knows that if you do shitty things and everyone around sees only this, matching something else is too difficult

-> running into the "safe space" becomes something quite stable over time

> what about sex? here it is for me the same "slowburn, but they fuck regularly"

AU, in which I believe that sex appeared before "relationships" because:

- no one ever knows if there will be a next meeting at all, because this is not the case when you will receive a letter telling you what happened

- it is also a more "simple" way of interaction, where you do not need to put everything into words or think about social norms

as part of the speech about rough sex, here is a little more detail.

The longer Lee stays in Akatsuki, the more he returns to the fact that, according to his worldview, he is still a bad person.

There was no such dialogue between them, so sooner or later Gaara must turn away from him too.

"he just didn't understand."

"he hasn't seen what kind of person I am yet."

"I don't deserve to be accepted and treated like this."

... and Gaara's absolute indifference to these facts even starts to anger to some extent.

"he just doesn't believe in what I can be."

(actually, it's funny separately, because generally remembering that they are ninjas in the canon, is it that "I will become the strongest ninja who cannot use chakra" actually sounds like "I will be the best at killing on my own," you know)

so one day it will come to Lee's attempts to cross the line, to grope for the boundary of this acceptance. (so sex is involved in this too) "now he'll understand and push me away" "after that he won't be able to accept me"

It's clear that this is pretty stupid considering Gaara's experience.

of course, it doesn't work. more precisely, it works as a confirmation that there were no borders there.

so rough sex is also a separate tool of interaction, in which Lee can be convinced of acceptance, not to mention some other things like personal emotions, feelings of possession, etc., and for Gaara, it's just something in which he (FINALLY) can not be responsible for his actions. (here I'm talking about the fact that Gaara's whole life is surrounded by responsibility for others, and responsibility for what you did in the past), not to mention some other things like personal emotions etc lol

[ateez-himari]

Hi bb!!! How have you been!!! I've been busy with exams but i still have 4 to go, anywayssssss I'm back for more questionssss because I'm nosy🤭🤭

1-has hima ever gotten into scandalous scandals(lol) cause they're some crazy scandals in the industry, especially concerning female idols

2-how is hima's relationship with the other members' families, ik woo's younger brother would love her

3-during her career has anyone spoken badly about mimi, cause the industry thinks it's funny to always look down on ateez and steal their whole concept 🤦🤦

4-this might be weird so feel free to not answer it, butt have mingri ever been called out for their acts, especially during their tours cause I'm guessing they now share a room tgthr

5-what was himari's reaction to THIS

HE SHOULD'VE GAVE US A WARNING DAMN IT

Love you bb take care mwahh💓💓

Hi sweet!! I've been under a lot of stress but overall I'm okay! I only have 2 more exams to go so I'm feeling somewhat relieved. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR QUESTIONS I LOOK FORWARD TO THEM EACH TIME!! 🥰

• One of the biggest scandals came during 'Kingdom : Legendary War' because her scars were visible (not by choice) and people were claiming that she was promoting SH, even though most were aware that these were from the accident. The most recent scandal was actually not that long ago; people were calling her rude for cursing at one of the BTS antis that set up the funeral wreaths outside of the HYBE building, but obviously Atiny could not care less. (One of the antis started taunting her seeing that Himari was shaken by the wreaths - this girl literally almost lost her brother several times - so she walked over to them and said "how about you get a fucking job instead of obsessing over someone that will never know your name ? go home and get a life bitch")

The rest were mainly dating scandals (especially with Jungkook which made the two of them laugh so hard), scandals about how close she is with the members or even about how she started wearing clothes that are 'too feminine' and 'too sexy' (she used to insist on wearing the same clothes as the members but when she got comfortable with her femininity she started wearing more feminine clothing)

• The members' parents are so glad that there's a girl in their life to keep them in check, but after learning about her past they've all taken on some sort of parental role in her life as well (she's very close to Mingi & San's parents). Hima is really close to Haneul since she only has brothers, so having a sister figure is a welcome change. Getting close to Kyungmin was a little more difficult seeing as she's afraid of being around young children (an irrational fear developed through her childhood trauma) but the boy took to her so quickly that she had no choice but to accept - now he thinks of her as an older sister. She's not actually that close with the other siblings but they're close enough to be called friends

• So many people, especially variety/talk show hosts since being the only girl in an all male group makes her an easy target for jokes such as "you're living with 8 hot men and you haven't slept with any of them" or even questions about how she got into the group in the first place - even though the survival show demonstrates the grueling effort se put into obtaining that spot

Many of those people used Yoongi as an insult, saying that she was probably copying his production style or getting tracks from him, etc., even going as far as accusing her of plagiarizing smaller artists (that they conveniently did not name). So many claims were made about her talent, her dancing, her stage presence, image, etc., but nowadays she's beginning to snap back at them (the first that took hits was "Sun" from My Teenage Girl, she was so pissed that she stated "maybe i should have given the producers the original demo tracks, i bet they would have loved to copy that too since they're so unphased about taking the chorus. what else do they want ? our music show wins ?" when people defended the song saying it was a sample error she showed the instrumental to prove it was all from scratch

• So many times that at some point gossip sites were having field days, especially now that they've gone public since as we know there are always going to be people who refuse to accept idol relationships. People were finding it 'inappropriate' that she would so casually sit on his lap during lives, that they kissed so publicly, etc. A lot of 'fans' even criticized them for most likely being intimate while they were sharing the same hotel room - which at some point Mingi had enough of and simply said "yeah, so what ? how do you think my verse in 'man on fire' was written?"

• Hima has seen Mingi in much less clothing many times over their relationship but these pictures had her going absolutely FERAL, she practically jumped his bones the second they were uploaded. She didn't even say anything, just dragged him into his room and the other members knew it was time to leave. This woman was practically drooling over them, she squealed so hard into the couch cushions that he came rushing out of the shower

HE REALLY SHOULD HAVE, I WAS HALF ASLEEP AND THE SECOND I OPEN MY PHONE THIS POPS UP ?? THIS IS MADNESS, HE WANTS US DEAD

Love you too Mina!! Good luck on your exams and take good care of yourself! Mwahhh 😘❤️

[garfield-mug]

Could I maybe request some cozy comfort with Jake? A rainy day spent inside with him or something like that, whatever you’re up to, thanks in advance!

A/N: i passed my chem exam so here's a treat! idk how i feel about it, but i don't hate it. would've gotten to this sooner but had halloween plans this weekend, which were very fun. hope you like it! also, i'm getting back into using desk top and it's.... different lmao. also not proof read too hard, so please excuse any spelling or grammatical errors. also, requests are still open!

synopsis: in which you want to remember all that you can during your time with jake.

word count: 1.1k

warnings: none, just hurt/comfort and fluff, no use of Y/N

It didn't rain often in San Diego, but when it did, it poured. As was the case today, plans for spending the day at the beach long forgotten. Jake was home, which seemed to be a rare occurrence with his long shifts on base mixed with the occasional deployment. A day off for Jake was not to be taken lightly, or for granted, and you didn't intend to. So here you both sat, in your home, sharing a blanket as you watched a movie. You'd tucked yourself into his side, legs over his lap, as he rubbed gentle circles over your back. You'd felt your eyes growing heavier and heavier with each pass of his hand. You take a deep breath and nuzzle your face into his chest.

"You keep doing that and I'm gonna fall asleep."

Jake stops his ministrations, smiling softly. "Close your eyes if you're tired, honey. Not much else to do today."

You love Jake, you really do. You love most everything about him. You especially love spending time with him because time seems to be the thing you can never find enough of. You know him well enough to know that he feels the same way. You're comfortable with him in a way you aren't with anyone else, which is why you don't really know why the feeling of shy embarrassment starts to creep up your throat and crawl through your insides. It's why you can't bring yourself to look at him when you say, "Wanna spend time with you. Can't do that if I'm sleeping, lovey."

Jake exhales, pushing a small laugh through his nose and places a kiss to the crown of your head. "Baby, we have all day to spend together. You can sleep for a few hours. I'll still be here when you wake up."

You sit up straighter so you can see his face, still finding it difficult to look him in the eye. Jake's expression changes to something more serious as he takes in your change in mood. He brings a hand up to your cheek and you lean into his touch. "Honey, what's wrong?"

It takes a second for you to gather your thoughts so you can actually for coherent sentences. Even when talking with Jake, undoubtedly the love of your life, being vulnerable was difficult. You knew he would listen, and god was he a good listener. You knew he wouldn't ever make fun of you or throw it back in your face. Still, that persistent little speck of doubt took root in the back of your mind, always imagining the worst-case scenario. You take a deep breath.

"I just... I want to remember the time I spend with you because I feel like we never get enough. And I don't want you to think that I think I'm not a priority for you or that you don't try to make time for me because I don't. I don't think that. I know you try so, so hard. It's just that we both have different schedules and sometimes you're shipped off for months at a time and I know you can't control that. It's not your fault, but it just really fucking sucks when you're not here, so I want to get as much of you as I can."

Your cheeks are warm, your neck is warm. You can kind of hear the blood rushing past your eardrums and you know you're sweating. Your hands would be shaking if you hadn't pressed them together. You kind of wished you could run and hide, but you knew that wouldn't make anything better. Jake is looking at you, bright green eyes boring into yours. His gaze is intense, it always is, but especially in these instances where you have his full, unwavering attention. Jake feels his heart squeeze in his chest, almost in disbelief at what he just heard.

He knows being vulnerable is difficult for you. It's difficult for him, too. He walked around with walls up, constantly on guard and keeping those he knew (except for a few) at arm's length. Until he met you. You, who came crashing into his life with your shining eyes and radiant smile. You, who managed to tear down his walls piece by piece, brick by brick, until there was nothing left standing between you and his heart.

Jake sighs, "Baby, look at me." He brings a hand under your chin to get you to look up at him. "I love you. I love you so much that it hurts. I love spending time with you, too. It doesn't matter what we do or where we go, just that I'm with you. If you're sleeping, so what? It just means I get to hold you. I get to make sure you're comfortable and warm and safe. I get to rub your back and kiss your head and I get to see your face."

Jake has both hands on your cheeks, now, rubbing his thumbs gently over the soft skin under your eyes.

"You look so peaceful when you sleep." It comes out as an almost-whisper. "You may not remember, but I do. I see your face and I know I'm home, I'm safe. I may not be here as much as either of us want, and we may have schedules that don't always line up, but, Baby... any time I get to spend with you is time I wouldn't want to spend any other way. Snoozing on a rainy day or not. I got you in my arms and that's all I need, Babydoll."

Jake's cheeks are warm, his neck is warm. He can kind of hear the blood rushing past his eardrums and he knows he's sweating. His hands would definitely be shaking if he wasn't holding your face right now. He kind of wanted to run and hide, but he knew that wouldn't make anything better. You are looking at him, big bright eyes boring into his. You feel your heart clench in your chest at his words. No one has ever made you feel so loved. You're misty-eyed, smiling up at him like he's just hung the moon and stars. You bring your hands up to cup his cheeks, pulling him in. Softly, you press your lips to his. The kiss is soft and sweet.

"I love you, Jake Seresin." You rest your forehead against his. He pulls you in for another kiss, this time deeper than before, leaving you both a bit breathless. He settles back into the sofa and you follow his lead, lying on his chest. He begins to rub gentle circles over your back.

"Go to sleep, darlin'. I'll be here when you wake up." Jake places a kiss to the crown of your head as you doze off for a cozy afternoon nap.

[canaidliafail]

Stay grounded pt.4

[ part 5]

streamer abby x streamer reader 🌿 MDI

notes: alright so this was long. almost 4k words if Im right but its cause I had a lot I wanted to say. This episode is a lil more depressing then the rest since I spoke a bit on loss & trauma. I hope you don’t mind that and still enjoy reading it 🤍 it does end on a very positive note though :>

CW: trauma and mentions of loss of parental figures, sexual content, alcohol usage and Abby being a community strap

•ABBY’s POV•

•if I leave, maybe I can start again , Do right on the wrongs and have a better chance •

_________

In your darkest hours, when it's most difficult to stay afloat you will find yourself in absolute cold white solitude . It's not that you don’t have friends, it's that your fall tends to happen when everyone is away,

you friends will have exams or an important event, your parents will most likely be drowning in work.

such is the course of life. So with bared teeth and a tense jaw you have no choice but to march on. Abby's downfall came in the form of persistent nightmares where she would see her dad. Every year near his death’s anniversary she would become a shell of herself and in those weak moments she leaped back into old habits and sought out comfort in old connections. Until the consequences of those actions caught up to her and she paid double the price in fallen friendships and blackmail

In grief your judgment is clouded. Your anger takes the best of you but see, the world doesn’t owe you an apology.You know, you don’t get over a loved one's death. You just learn to live with it. Live with that and every other hard bitter truth. And that's what Abby learned to do.

_________

Abby enjoyed her routine and the way she had neatly organized every aspect of her life. She maintained a perfect balance of secrecy and exposure and kept everything under wraps, emotions included. Her manager did occasionally usher her to post more scandalous things since she was about to open an onlyfans but abby remained adamant that her crowd would find out about it without her saying so much as a word

Everything had a plan and purpose and everything was peaceful. Until you came into her life out of nowhere. She could not understand why did her mind stay so hangup on your name after that stream but she was sure she had seen it before.

perhaps in a fanart or maybe a shoutout?

so she went to check that day her socials until she saw your repost and the familiar username popped up cottoncandy

she looked at it and went through your profile and hated how intrigued she was by your interests but mostly by your appearance. There was something too unique to pass by and so she had decided to close her phone and go to the gym.

I can not allow someone in my life right now. Everything is in its place and it just…it wont work

She tried to convince herself while getting dressed. But you lingered in her mind like a vulture circling around waiting to pounce. There was a girl at her gym, one that she didn't know her name but she was presentable and had a spunky attitude and most importantly, really wanted Abbys attention. Abby was in the middle of taking a break between sets and took off her cap to wipe her face from the sweat with her gym towel. The girl approached her then and had her usual chatter that often times lasted around three…maybe four minutes. This time she was determined to ask Abby out. And Abby normally would agree without giving much thought into it. Nora once had called her community strap and she hated how well that nickname fit. When the question came though Abby found herself putting on her black hat back on and lowering it enough that the shadow would cover her eyes,rejecting the expecting girl curtly and went back to her sets with more force than usual. Because nothing today went “as it usually fucking would”

When she went back home she spent a good few hours stalking you and then another few denying she did that.

she texted Nora who unceremoniously left her on

read

“fuck” abby mumbled

It had been…years since she felt a spark of interest towards someone. Sure she was sexually active. Ever since she had her sexuality figured out she spent a year making up for lost time sleeping left and right with every woman that winked at her. However none of those girls -which did not lack in wit or looks in any way- piqued her interest. So she was bothered by you and why you were on her mind so much. She doom scrolled your entire page and when that was no longer enough she searched your YouTube channel to find your videos. 2.

Only two videos which meant thats how much it took for you to move to streaming. She rested on her couch and Alice whined next to her

“I do not need my own dog bullying me right now” she growled and Alice laid on her bed feigning innocence. She put your video playing in the background.and would chuckle at your jokes and then she would actually break into loud laughter and would replay a moment in awe. Eventually when wrapping up the video you sat back and had a talk in response to an older question

-I like this game.it speaks on the experience of loss which ,well…anyone who has personally lived through it would know how isolating that feeling is. I like that. Most importantly I like that depending on where you are in life you will take a very different message from this game, the purpose of revenge, forgiveness or acceptance. Or maybe something else that I am not in that stage to grasp yet. Highly recommend you guys play it as well-

She was taken aback. She didn't expect this video to end on such a note and she felt her heart ache. Not in pain but in something else entirely. Her frustration turned into delight. She started liking what you did to her and that was enough for her to make a move

___________

Ellie and Abby had a weird relationship. Abby no longer hated her but she didn’t like her either, however being in the same community and city meant you would have to be involved one way with one another thus she took the smart, professional decision to keep things civil. It was her managers request really, no. It was a demand actually but she followed through. So while they occasionally would post a pic whenever they hang out, Abby wanted nothing more to do with her unless necessary and she believed that the feelings were mutual.

However when she saw Ellie take notice of you the way she had something snapped. Abby had the privilege of being in Ellie “close friends” story and saw the upcoming comment of her admiring you and she got jealous. so she had to pull something. Something to keep you focused on her.

Her insecurities always got the best of her in times like this and when it happened she was irrational. She decided buying you that beloved statue that you mentioned more than once on your streams would send the message clearly

you didn’t. Because gifts were anonymous. But someone did get the message a few days later

“explain this purchase please” he asked mad and impatient

“Thought you wanted me to branch out and go international. She is an upcoming streamer and-“

“oh. So its a she. Explains a lot then. Should I be concerned for more large expenses on behalf of your breaching out?”

said her manager with a sharp tone. Abby pursed her lips and looked up and away in concentration. Truthfully she was bad at this. at being professional. That's why she had a manager. She forgot to account for the fact that the transactions she made went through him, which was usually a good thing. She forgot why now, but it was

“I promise I won’t do anything stupid…well-“

she tried and she heard Isaacs deep breathing on the other line

“yes?”

silence

“abby speak. I’ve known you long enough”

“So I thought of sending her a video…would that be good?”

“I do not want to know about your private sex life”

“no see I won’t directly send it…”

more silence. Abby chewed on her lip and rubbed her neck. She was sitting on her gaming chair ready to film and she was hot and ready enough which she feared Isaacs boring tone would turn her off and would ruin her plan

“It has to be behind a paywall. Abby this is business and even though I don’t want to ruin whatever fairytale shit you are living in you can’t keep doing whatever you want, you have a name and”

she put he phone on speaker and left it on her desk. she walked to her kitchen, made a coffee and filled alices bowl with food. when she went back to the room Isaac was still talking

“alright so how much should I charge?”

“400. The way you usually do”

“400?! There’s no way she will pay that- She doesn’t even know it will be sent only to her” she protested and he groaned

“200?” she asked

“250 and that's final” and he finally hung up. She smiled and once she was back and ready she started filming.

it started slow and she didn’t really intend to go too far. just enough to give you a taste of her. She had a very clear image of you in her head. Eventually though her thoughts drifted to you between her thighs, on your knees and ready to taste her. She let out a sigh and her fingers circled her clit in slow motions. she pictured you biting the waistband and asking for permission, looking up at her with those lovely eyes. your voice came a lot cleared than she expected

“Can I? abs?” and she groaned and let out a chocked

-fuck- as her hand went lower and she started fingering herself. She tried to fool herself that it was your tongue against her folds instead of her rough calloused fingers

“fuck cotton-“ she whispered and folded in on herself as she started thrusting harder still not getting the satisfaction that she craved. she wanted to feel you. On top of her riding her strap and beneath her as she rode your face. She knew you would look good all messed up, makeup ruined from the heated session.

What did you sound like when you moaned ? Were you loud in bed ? did you talk a lot? were you shy?

Fuck I wanna know…I need to know you

and with that she came. she grabbed her phone and the 20 minute video she had planned had to be cut at the 3 minute mark due to her stupidity calling out your name. Loud and clear too. she sat on the floor and stared at the footage for a good few minutes before sending it and waiting with the tab open.

within the first hour she already feared that you would buy the video. she even considered deleting it and sending it for free. she could deal with Isaac tomorrow

but few minutes later she saw the pending turn to paid

_________

Almost as if in another timeline, she had to visit a professional on matters she deemed unimportant, and if they ever mattered to her, she now forgot why.

Abbys therapist was a woman cunning and smart and could decode everything about Abby. They had been working for a year. That was the longest that Abby ever stuck with the same therapist before running away in anger at the lack of progress. She was unsure if this one helped, but she did find herself accepting her anger and coming to terms with it. She would still cry about it and she would always stay spiteful to her peers that still had their parents close.

“I’m happy that you seem more willing to open up your heart again Abby. I have to ask though. Are you sure this isn’t a hopeful trauma bond that you are seeking to create?”

“No, definitely not. Sure I liked that she seemed more insightful and all but no, I just like her for all the other aspects” Her therapist took note of that and Abby felt insecure in herself and her decisions once again

________

After her bold move on onlyfans, She did expect to get the silent treatment but she underestimated how stubborn you would be about it and that was a thing that really excited her.

such a brat

She held the plastic cup in her hand and stared at the clear liquid as it swished back and forth.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have said that. What if she doesn’t even like me? I mean I know she has been following me for a while but that doesn’t say anything…”

Manny leaned against the table and crossed his arms in consideration.

“I dont know man I think she does like you, she’s probably just shy or something”

“shy?!Manny she hasn’t texted me in two days and we were supposed to call again last night”

“oh, so two days is too much but you leaving her on ready for weeks is fine?”

Abby rolled her eyes

“Do you have to remember every little thing?!” She looked around at the crowd dancing and playing beer pong. She didn’t even remember whose villa this was, only that it was a big shot youtubers that she got invited to. She usually avoided these events. Abby, despite of everyone's assumptions, was in fact shy and a little awkward and when Mel & Owen were at these parties it made her a lot more tense than she already was. She saw the couple in a corner kiss and then talk with others and eventually Mel would glare at Abby.

With a long sigh she grabbed her phone to check your profile. you had a story next to the statue she got you and she felt her cheeks heat up in excitement the room finally going quiet as her focus was directed at your photo. She slid up to respond to the image and was interrupted by someone getting a little too close to her personal space

“So you know her?” Ellie asked. Abby looked at the short girl and held back a scoff

“Kind of. We occasionally talk”

Ellie nod and looked around and then back at Abby

“Ugh…do you perhaps know if she is..single? or lesbian?”Abby sat on that and realized you actually had never explicitly announced your sexuality which made her reconsider every damn thing she did so far. Then came the next question.

were you even single ? or did she just make a move on someone who is spoken for?

Abby noticed ellie cock a brow and before she could smirk in triumph she locked her phone and shoved it in her pocket

“Yes she is but she already has her eyes on someone” She half lied. I mean she did hope you had your sights set on her but she couldn’t know for sure. You had talked about things before but somehow Abby never even thought to question you about those very crucial details.

“hm…I see” said Ellie and abby gave her a curt nod and excused herself. She was in no mood to talk to her any further than that but she felt uneasy. Ellie was persistent and Ellie was also, very openly a lesbian. she was attractive and there was no reason you wouldn’t be attracted to her.

“fuck this is so stupid” she mumbled to herself and went to fill her cup with more alcohol. there was no way she would be able to handle the night otherwise.

At this point two things were possible. She was drunk or she was seeing things. She double checked and indeed, there was a message from you. a few actually with videos attached and all. If she were at home, she would be screaming in ecstasy. she went to the bathroom for privacy and checked your chat which consisted of a mess of texts thanking her for the gift and the rest fawning over how ‘gorgeous Eivor looks in this size” and Abby bit her lip to stop herself from smiling anymore like an idiot. It was adorable. She watched the videos again and again of you showing her the statue which she didn't really care about but just your excited voice was enough for her to stay hooked on those three, 4 second clips.

Glad you liked the gift

Cotton candy: liked ????? My God I need to make it up to you somehow I don't know how, like dfjjdkrkge

A breathy chuckle escaped Abbys lips as her heart swelled at the sight of your texts. She noticed in the short span of talking to you that you tended to speak a lot more and a lot faster when it came to your interests. Without filter too and she liked that.

How about that call that you completely ghosted me on?

Cottoncandy: Ok listen I was…well

Cottoncandy: Fine sure. I’m free now if you are ?

Sure. I'll go take a shower and be back

And Abby rushed out of the bathroom and went straight to Manny to ask for her coat and car keys.

“What ,are you leaving?”

“Yeah sorry I’m not feeling so well, think I’m getting another migraine”

She said morphing her face into a pained expression and grabbed her leather jacket the minute he passed it over to her. She had never seen herself fold so fast over a girl and she was not in the mental state to acknowledge how embarrassing all of this was on her behalf

half an hour later when she was back home she immediately texted you trying to seem cool, relaxed, unbothered even

ready?

cottoncandy: sure :)

and she pressed “call”

__________

Things were just easier after that. She noticed you relax up and get bolder, responding to her posts more often and occasionally sending a text without waiting for her to post a story which she admitted to have started doing a lot more often for the sole purpose of giving you the push you needed to talk to her. You would often hang out at each other's streams and she quickly found out that when it came to humor, it was identical to one another and would throw jabs at each other that kept the chat entertained and Isaac pleased because your audience had new things to speculate. Abby was public with her friendships without disclosing anything more which left her audience running in circles and trying to pry more private information. This whole back and forth with you now reignited the audience's spark and due to how new it was, everyone seemed supportive and excited. In the back of her mind, Abby feared that this would eventually prove to be difficult to manage but she forced herself to stop rushing things in her head.

At the end of the day, so far you two were just friends who talked and, well, had probably simultaneously jacked off at the thought of one another without ever addressing that. That was another thing Abby chose not to speak about despite the fact that she would obsessively check on who purchased her sets to come to the sad realization that she had in fact scared you off her onlyfans.

She wasn’t sure if all of those were things she was supposed to feel, after all she had never taken it slow with anyone. Not that she ever gave them the time being that she would mostly do one night stands. With you it was different and she had to understand if it was due to the distance or if you were special to her after all

cottoncandy: Uni was AWFUL. I am actually dropping out

you are so dramatic

Came her response to which she received a fiery series of messages of you whining about how difficult things were before winter break.

cottoncandy: I honestly can't wait for it. I am so excited to just rest :)))

any plans? Do you have a trip planned with your friends or maybe your partner?

you read the message immediately but it took you a few minutes to respond and Abby gave a pat on her back in a derogatory way.

this is the worst possible way I could’ve asked if she is single

cottoncandy: no specific plans and no partner. I'll probably rot on my couch since my plans on going on a trip crumbled.I would cry but my tears run thin due to exams these days

You really like traveling dont you?

Cottoncandy: Who doesn’t ? I love visiting my friends abroad or vice versa

Abby didn't travel much. Not outside the country at least. She considered your messages and tried not to delude herself into a double meaning. Were you asking for an invite or were you inviting her ? Perhaps you were just venting. She was Picking at a thin layer of unstuck plastic from her table and toyed with it until it snapped. Either was she now knew you were not seeing someone and she could make a move guilt free

There wasn’t really a discreet way to go about this and if she was going to suggest it, you would need at least a heads up to rearrange your schedule.

I could visit you for winter break. I’m usually free around that time

She was rambling. She never spoke that much. But the rewarding excited messages that followed suit were rewarding enough to make up for her discomfort

Cottoncandy: Holy shit are you , wait for real?!

Sure. I always wanted to visit your city

She didn't. Again, Abby didn't travel. She didn't care about traveling. She just wanted to see you. Her phone screen went blank and then your face popped up on call.

“Yes?”

-Did you mean it? Cause if so I need to prepare things

“Like I said. We both have those two weeks available and it was about time I took a little trip. I could talk my manager into believing this is for work”

-Oh sure. If you want we can do a collab as well so that you don't take a loss in revenue and stuff

“Cotton its fine. I just wanna hang out with you. Don’t worry, leave that up to me”

She reassured and felt her ego inflate at how easily you seemed to be put at ease with her words. She couldn’t know for sure if her attraction was romantic or just sexual but she sure as hell loved the way you two aligned.

You spoke for a while and with winter break only a month away you already settled on the dates.

“I have to go to the gym now but I’ll send you a text once I get the tickets so that you know what time Ill be there

-alright perfect! See ya

Abby put her phone away and for a few minutes she would occasionally laugh, softly, while imagining what it would be like. She was nervous and with delight she noticed that she finally regained that spark in her where she had a crush and wanted to speak about her instead of statistics, trauma or finances. she felt good

[joannerowling]

This is going to be a weird ask and I'm sorry if it ruins your day.

Just-does life ever get better?

I'm 15 years old. I'm homeschooling. I don't know what I want to do. Every day I look at news and the world is burning.

My brother is also homeschooling and he can get physically violent. It's so normal that it's brushed off hours after he does it. It's not common but I wouldn't say that it's rare either.

My dad is fully paralysed and my brother, my mother and I have to help him. It gets pretty bad sometimes and our family situation is pretty difficult.

My dad and my mom are fighting over property and it's very stressful when they do it. They lost their love for each other ages ago and it's barely there anymore.

And on top of that, I'm slipping in my studies. Sometimes I can't remember the answer to questions. And my exams are important but I just can't bring myself to focus on my studies at times.

Also-I just don't know what the hell I want to do. I don't know my interests or what I should take in college and I just don't know about stuff in general.

I know that this might be weird to you, but I wanted to ask you for advice since you seem smart. I'm so sorry if I ruined your day.

You didn't ruin my day, if anything you made it more precious. But i am very sorry to hear that you're having such a difficult time, especially with your family. It's sadly typical of boys who are unhappy with their situation to make their mothers or sisters pay for it, but it's never excusable. I'm also very sorry about your father, that sounds very difficult for him and for you guys. Being a kid and seeing the people who raised you fight rather than support each other really fucks with your perception of love and it sucks, no two ways about it.

I'm not gonna lie to you, i don't believe in problems just going away. You can ALWAYS do something though. Do not go gently, rage, rage, etc. Some of the things you're worrying about right now (not knowing what you want to be doing for the rest of your life, the future looking grim, etc.) are things that you WILL stop stressing about as you age. The world does not stop turning, we adapt, we live and still find things to be joyful about. It gets much easier once you've gotten through the first half of your twenties. By that point you'll have met enough adults who also don't know what they want to do with their lives that it will sound like a non-issue. And it is! Work is pretty easy: be on time, respect hierarchy well enough, stay curious, and you'll never be out of a job. Why do you think men prefer to go to work and leave raising kids to women?

I'm more worried about you being home-schooled. At 15 you need to hang around people other than your family (and the internet is a trap, it's not enough to fill that void i'm afraid). I imagine it's probably easier said than done but try if you can to find a reason to be away from home sometimes, something to do with other people. It doesn't have to be an expensive extra curricular activity. Go for a walk early while people are taking their dogs out and chat, even if it's awkward, or volunteer somewhere, or try if you can to find a part time job. Hanging around others always helps. Everyone has their problems and internalising it is, at the very least, a comfort; at best, it's the start of building a support network.

(It's ok to need more than what your parents can currently give you. Be cautious about who you trust, but don't isolate yourself. Just like you can't run with one leg, you will limp in life emotionally if you can only ever rely on too few people to support you.)

I dearly hope you find your strength and some allies in the near future, i'll keep you in my thoughts in the mean time.

[astra-aeterna]

aced it - chapter 12

i wanna be clean when you say my name

[peers out from around the corner to make sure nobody wants to throw tomatoes at me about the last two cliffhangers]

hi. the moment you've all been waiting for! this chapter is... chapter 54 and 55 for this au if you catch my drift (do check the updated tags. it's pretty canon-typical but so you're aware!) enjoy <3

snippet below the cut

Feyre looked at her phone, at the plane tickets that would take her back home for Solstice break. 

Plane tickets that would take her hours away from Rhys.

Rhys, who she still hadn’t apologized to.

She’d meant to, honestly, but it had taken her a good four days to work on untangling the complicated knot of feelings in her gut enough to know what she wanted. And what she wanted was Rhys. 

And by that point, both of them had been knee deep in study materials for finals and resource managers for final research papers. Rhys was even worse off than she was, considering he had a concussion and wasn’t technically cleared to read or use his phone or computer yet. But the University didn’t much care for that particular recovery timeline— he’d only been given the reprieve of taking his exams online at home.

(Feyre only knew that because Mor had been keeping her updated.)

So she hadn’t sought him out to apologize, hadn’t wanted to distract him from the already difficult task of writing final papers and studying for final exams with a concussion. And it had also been a handy excuse to put off the terrifying conversation she knew they had to have eventually.

Besides, it wasn’t like Rhys had sought her out, either. 

But then again, she knew he was staying away because he thought it was what she wanted. Because he thought he wasn’t good enough for her. Because he probably thought he’d ruined things with her back in the hospital.

How was she supposed to leave Velaris when things between them were so messed up?

It wasn’t as if she was particularly fond of her family, anyway. And they weren’t particularly fond of her, either.

Between a Solstice (and birthday) spent with people who would only silently judge her and remind her that she wasn’t good enough for them, and a Solstice spent in a quiet house with Rhys, even if they hadn’t talked, Feyre knew there was a clear choice.

Her finger hovered over the button for a long while, but eventually, she swallowed, gathered up her courage, and pressed ‘cancel trip’.

And then she was left to figure out how the fuck she was supposed to make things better with Rhys.

She left him lying in a hospital bed, for fuck’s sake, she couldn’t just say sorry and think that would be the end of it. (Rhys would probably accept her ‘sorry’ and call things good, but Feyre wasn’t about to let herself off the hook any time soon.)

An idea occurred to her the day before she was originally supposed to leave– three days after the end of finals week. Three days of silence too many, but… well, Feyre didn’t have a time machine, so that was that. The problem with her idea was that she needed the living room and at least two or three uninterrupted hours.

With a sigh, she slipped out of her bedroom to go find Mor.

“So you need me to take Cass and Az out of the house tomorrow afternoon?”

Mor was grinning, her brown eyes sparkling warmly in the winter sunlight. She was far too thrilled about this turn of events, but at that point, Feyre didn’t begrudge her. She’d been hounding Rhys about confessing for longer than Feyre had been agonizing over her feelings, apparently, so she’d kind of earned the right to her glee.

“Yeah, please. I’m gonna do a whole thing, and I just… y’know. I’d rather nobody else walked in on it.”

“Can I request that if you fuck in the living room, you put a blanket down on whatever surface you’re doing it on beforehand? I don’t want to have to clean cum stains out of the couch cushions. Again.”

Feyre nearly choked. “I— gods, Mor, no, I just don’t want to have an audience for my inarticulate apology, that’s all. And… wait, what do you mean again?”

She laughed, a beautiful, melodic sound, and shook her head in fond exasperation. “Cassian has the self-awareness of a drunk bumblebee, especially when he’s turned on, so…”

“Ew,” she groaned. “Didn’t need to know that, actually. And I’ll be avoiding the couch from now on.”

“Oh, don’t be a pussy, it’s fine. I cleaned it!”

“Okay, okay, fine,” Feyre laughed. “I’ll chill. But you can make sure we have the place to ourselves tomorrow afternoon?”

Mor’s smile softened as she grabbed Feyre’s hand. “Absolutely. I’ll take them out to the movies, and then we’ll get food or go for a drive or something. You’ve got this, honey. You’ll do great.”

She snorted. “At least one of us has faith in me.”

“Hey, none of that now. You’ve got this. Believe in yourself! Or, at the very least, believe me, because I’m basically never wrong.”

Feyre spent the entire morning worrying. 

Worrying that the food she’d ordered wouldn’t arrive in time. Worrying that she wouldn’t have enough time to set up once Mor got the boys out of the house. Worrying that Rhys wouldn’t want to talk to her at all. Worrying that she might have fucked things up irreparably.

Even a scalding hot shower and an hour with a paintbrush and her watercolors didn’t help.

She knew she wouldn’t settle until she knew Rhys would still want to talk to her. Because as painful as it would be if he rejected her romantically, she was pretty sure she’d die if he left her life completely. If the only way she could have him was as a friend, she’d just have to learn how to make that good enough for her.

When Mor called her goodbyes as Feyre lounged on the couch, pretending to read a book, she scurried up to her room to grab her laundry basket full of supplies: as many soft blankets as she could pack in and her laptop.

It didn’t take her as long as she had feared to set up the nest of blankets and pillows on the floor of the living room. She was just rearranging the coffee table so they could use it to eat when her phone buzzed with the notification text that her food had arrived.

The warm, spiced smell of Sevenda’s cooking filled her nose as soon as she picked up the bag from the front steps. Her food was always to die for, rich and filling and tasting like… home. Not like the food that Feyre had grown up on, but like food that was made with love, in a kitchen full of laughter and joy. It was Rhys’s favorite restaurant and had quickly become hers as well.

She queued up what Mor had told her were Rhys’s favorite holiday movies on her laptop, then hooked it up to the TV. Fuck concussion protocol. He’d been taking his finals on his laptop anyway, and it was the holidays. A few movies couldn’t hurt.

Breathe, Feyre reminded herself as she poured two mugs of rich hot cocoa and plopped fluffy marshmallows into each of them. Breathe. You got this.

Once the spread of their favorite meals from Sevenda’s was set up on the coffee table, complete with the mugs of cocoa and glasses of water, Feyre swallowed thickly, steeling her nerves, then ascended the stairs.