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morepeachyogurt · 4 years ago

Text

i’m locking up everyone (who ever laid a finger on me)

Elle Greenaway Gen fic, brief romance with ofc

Word Count- 8,100

Summary- Elle’s been angry since she was young, a look into that anger until she finally gives in.

Tw- blood, knives, murder, brief mentions of rape and pedophilia (nothing graphic), minor substance mentioned, and language I guess

read here on ao3

You think it all started when Randall Garner decided you weren’t worth living. When he took a bullet from his shiny gun, broke into your home, your safe place, and shot you in the chest. As your blood spilled onto your floors you couldn’t help but blame the man who sent you home. Hotch may not have pulled the trigger but he loaded the gun which almost took your life. You were helpless, had to sit there, and watch it pour onto your floor like a pond being drained to make room for yet another building. Its life is sucked out of it like yours was. You closed your eyes because you did not want to see the blood. You’re no stranger to blood, you’re a woman after all, plus you work a job surrounded by murder and misery. There's nothing quite like watching corpse after corpse of other women laying on the floor, their eyes panicked and their blood staining the floor. It was never supposed to be you but now it was. This is how it ends, you suppose. You didn’t even save a life going down like you always thought you would. You were targeted. A victim. You were not an accident caught in the crosshairs. No, this was intentional and now you’re bleeding out your soul and you almost don’t want to be brought back to life.

When you were seven your mother baked pie after pie. Your father was dead, died heroically everyone said. Like that made it better. Who cares that you’ll never see him again, he’ll never teach you to ride a bike now like you guilt-tripped him for not doing before. Now he's dead and you’re surrounded by baked goods to fuel the appetite you don’t have. You feel hollow and you wish you didn’t. Sadness like your mother would be better, anger like his fellow officers would be better. You ask her why she’s baking pies, she doesn’t even like them. Fueron la cosa favorita de tu papá, cariño. Lo echo de menos cada dia. She acts like you don’t know your father’s favorite dessert, like you don’t miss him too. Ah, there’s the anger. Much better, you’ll revel in. That was not your question, you wanted to know why she felt like she could replace him with apple pie. You don’t tell her this, your father didn’t call you peanut to be vicious, he called you it because you were kind and soft. Were. Instead, you give your mother a soft smile like that fixes anything.

The days go on like they always do, a tv show where you cannot cancel your subscription. The anger subsides a bit, there will always be a gaping hole where your father’s kind eyes and gentle smile took root. For now, your heart is creating a shelter for it. It’s not perfect yet but you hope someday it will be.

You learn to laugh again, you speak Spanish with your mother. Sea bilingual mija, los estudios dicen que es buena para tu cerebro. ¿No quises saber la lengua materna de sus ancestros? You let her teach you the words of the women who can before you. It’s a beautiful thing to speak two languages. Perhaps connections make us who we are, now your ability to connect is twofold.

Your first day at the bau was almost as you imagined it. You did not imagine the genius barely old enough to drink, looking at crime scenes like he was made for it. Sculpted by the gods to examine the bodies of women like you and say why they were executed and by whom. Perhaps he was, Gideon did seem to think of himself as a god figure. You did not expect when returning to the office to see a woman who looked as though she stepped inside a rainbow and absorbed all its warmth. She looked like she would give you great hugs, she looked like home. That was a dangerous thought to be had in a place like this. They say it's a family. No family should be hoisted upon the foundation of murder. Blood should not be the glue that holds people together. Oh, and blood there was, almost every crime scene had its stench. The rust in the air reminds you of the junkyard by your house where you used to get high at with your friend that was never quite a friend. You would talk about the secrets of the universe and whether or not you felt as though you could exist in this world without paying a price. You argued that the world seems to take reservations, some were born with them already made, others bought them. The rest of you were forced to sell your soul to the devil to earn enough money to survive, to have a place in the world. She never quite saw your point. She will.

Even in your youth, you’ve never truly felt safe, perks of having a cop as a father means you’ve learned the cruelty of man far sooner than you should have, than you would have. He gave you rules to keep you safe.

Rule 1: you cannot walk alone or late at night. You yearn for the freedom of the boys on your block. The night and its darkness is so pure to you, the stars always in sight. Your mother tells you your father is in the sky and you look for him, to see if he twinkles at you. You do not want your mother to know this, it’s a secret shared by the two of you and you think that's sacred. Since you can’t walk alone at night you never get to look for him. Your father and freedom robbed from you by the men on the news and in your father’s case files.

Rule 2: never leave your drink unattended, you do not drink you are much too young but sometimes your eyes wander to your liquor cabinet and you wonder if there is a better state of being. If you can float above the longing for a different reality where you have a father and you are happy.

Rule 3: Do not dress provocatively, you are fourteen years old and you do not see why what you wear should impact your safety. You are not a gift wrapped up in a pretty package waiting for it to be ripped away to reveal something desirable. That does not stop the men from leering at you when you walk home from school, you still have your backpack on so you know it’s part of the appeal. It does not stop the boy in your science class from trying to grab your ass after class. You punch him in the nose and you get suspended. They do not listen to you. They do not care about the words of a girl, you are not here to have opinions on the world apparently you’re here to be a toy for those meant to have opinions. One day you’ll show them they’re wrong.

The list goes on and on, society loves to tell you that you will never be safe in this world. You wonder why no one is trying to make the world safe for you. Maybe that's your purpose. You were too late to be saved from the cruelty of this universe but perhaps there's another young girl who can be.

College, the supposed best years of your life. You decided to fulfill fourteen-year-old you’s wish to save the girls of the world so you major in criminology with a minor in psychology. What better way to stop them than to get inside their heads. You won’t let them into yours. They do not deserve the honor and the horror. You watch crime shows for fun, maybe for education. You see how these girls get taken and you know how to not make their mistakes. You also see what the killers did wrong. Part of you wonders if your future job, and the education for said job, are all an elaborate plan for you to win at the world. Life’s a game and you plan to be its victor. Learn their mistakes. Be better. You won’t fall for their tricks, you’re smarter than that.

Your studies do not stop you from enjoying your time here while you can. Once you see your first real corpse you know there's no going back. Any bit of being insouciant will be stolen from you just like the lives of the bodies you will hover over.

The party you are at is loud, not as loud as the inside your head, but enough to help you get out of it. You lock eyes with a woman who is quite possibly a work of art. She's in one of your classes, the buzz of alcohol in your head pleasantly blocking all memories of your studies. She smiles at you, shyly, and you wonder for the first time if perhaps angels are real. Her hair is blonde, just like an angel, it is her halo. Her eyes are blue like the water of the lakes you have stared at looking for an answer and perhaps you can find it in her eyes. She makes her way to you, she too has been loosened by alcohol for she stands far too close to be mistaken with platonic intentions towards you. Lily, your brain provides, is even more beautiful up close. She has freckles that dance along the bridge of her nose and you briefly wish to kiss them. Kiss her. The two of you dance, swaying to the beat of whatever trashy music is playing. You ask her if she’d like to go outside and take a walk with you. She says yes.

She is curious why but she follows you outside. You hesitantly grasp her hand as you pull her along a secret path you found on your first week here. She looks at the constellations above you and names the one you are staring at. As she looks at the sky you decide she is more beautiful than they are and you gaze at her while she gazes at the stars. She catches you eventually and you place a hand on her cheek. Her eyes shimmer in the moonlight and you ask if you can kiss her. She accepts and you accept that it might be your new favorite hobby. Perhaps you could spend hours kissing her. You do.

Lily and you have your perfect YA book experience. She takes you to coffee shops and you look at the stars together. You are not breaking your father’s rules for now you are not alone, it will end though, you know it. You are not the type of girl who gets her happy ending. You tell her a bad pun about the stars and she laughs and tells you the names of constellations she knows, god her laugh. You wish you could bottle it up and save it for a rainy day. Granted, you spend your rainy days with her cuddling up with bad movies and good hot chocolate. You gift her a pair of constellation earrings, you tell her, think of me when you look at the night sky, you want to say, please don’t forget me when you leave me, she gives you a blanket which is almost as soft as her. You are so in love with her your words can not describe it, so you use other people's words. You write poetry on the soft skin of her forearm. She doodles little flowers on your wrist. Perhaps they are like matching tattoos, unlike matching tattoos, these do not last forever. Just like the two of you. The problem comes not with her, she was never anything but perfect to you. The problem of course is you.

As you drown in your textbooks filled with bodies and bodies and bodies you can feel your soul filling with misery and a passion for justice. Slowly it consumes you and there is little time for the joy that is brought to you by her. She feels you slipping away like a boat that is not properly tied. It’s hard to be in a relationship where the other person is half focused on you while the other half of her mind wanders in dark alleyways with killers, wanting, no needing, to know why they commit their sins. Study dates turn into texts turn into nothing. There is no formal break up. You do not deserve the courtesy of a clean break and she is too sweet to break your heart. The two of you drift apart like you always knew you would, and soon you only see her in your one shared class. Her mind is not consumed with darkness, Lily does not wish to catch the monsters of the world, she wishes to paint them. Sometimes you look into her studio while she paints and you watch her hands and marvel. You never know if she’s aware you do this, but if she is, she spares you the shame of being so pathetic you need to watch someone you love paint from the shadows because you were too much of a coward to commit yourself to her and you allowed yourself to slip away into the darkness of your mind.

You think everyone got it wrong, it is so easy to be fueled by hate and spite. Look around you, the world is a cruel place. To not be affected by it is a power that you almost envy. To see the bad in the world and choose to be good is something you never had and will never have. It is not in your cards so you decided to make the best of it. You miss her kind eyes and gentle laugh every day of your life, but you know it is better to live in the darkness than let your black ink slowly turn her away from the light where she belongs.

The day you turn 18 you buy a handgun. You used to carry it around your ankle, liking the weight of your footsteps hitting the ground. One day the ground will break under your heel. Now, as an agent, your handgun sits on your left hip. You want people to fear you, you want them to know you are dangerous. And yet, you still don’t feel safe in this cruel world. So you buy a knife. It glimmers in the light, its handle is intricately carved out of wood. You have a holder for it on your thigh for the days where you wear dresses, on days where you aim to please. On days you don’t give a fuck about anyone else, when you wear what you wish, your knife sits either in your pocket, if you are blessed with pockets, your shoe, if it fits, or the holder you bought which holds your knife nice and close to you, flesh with your back. You like the power you hold with your weapons. You learn your craft better than most. You learn accuracy, precision, strength. Throwing knives feels even better than it looks, you know you hold in both your hands the ability to take life from someone who is not worthy of it.

When you were in fifth grade, boys decided to see how fun it would be to push your buttons. You were smarter than them, faster than them. They didn't like losing to a girl, why is being a girl shameful, you asked your teacher this once. She did not answer you, you suspect she does not know. If you were the first to answer a question, and you often were, they would tease you. Try hard, was their favorite. Well maybe, if they wanted to beat you they should try harder. You told a boy this once and he grabbed your arm and called you a bitch. Your mom did not let you start taking martial arts classes.

If they did not like your words, perhaps they would respond to physical intimidation. You preferred kicking shins, it did not result in blood and there was lots of sweet, sweet, plausible deniability. Not that they ever tried to get you in trouble, the biggest thing in the world is a man’s ego. You became meaner, colder. Your mother asks you where her sweet girl went, she does not want to hear that perhaps she never existed. No one can hurt you if you never let them in. If you carry yourself with a scowl and your words bite those who try you and you hurt those who try to hurt you. They can't, you won't let them. You are not weak like they are, you are strong. It never quite works though, the boys in your class see a challenge. Something they can beat. They challenge you loudly, in front of everything and everyone. You can no longer afford to make a mistake. If you do, they yell we beat Elle, haha we did it. The teachers watch as they attack you. Most do not care. The kind girls in your class do not experience this and maybe, just maybe, you should go back to being like them. It makes you feel vulnerable though, to be kind without question. No, they have to earn your kindness, earn your respect. Giving it out for free did not win you anything. You take the name bitch and wear it like a badge of honor.

Eventually, you fall for the propaganda of your team being a family. As an only child, you’ve sometimes wished for siblings, maybe you’ve found them. Reid is like your little brother, annoying at times, but sweet and endearing. You would cause destruction if anything happened to him. He deserves it. JJ is hard to describe as a part of your family, she reminds you of Lily with her bright eyes and kind smile. She is not Lily but you wonder if she would ever consider being with you. She is a part of this world of darkness, you might not soil her. Oh, but you would, it is selfish of you to think that you could be loved and not ruin them. Your touch is like a virus, it kills if given the chance. You will not give it another shot.

Garcia is your sister, she is concerned about you when you risk your life in the field time, and time again, you can’t help but think she chose the wrong job. You love her, almost, and not quite. She is always sweet to you, her personality is a breath of fresh air in this world. It needs more of her and that's why you want to be close to her but can’t. Morgan is your older brother, he roughhouses with you, he won't admit it but you are just as good as him. You knew you would be, the world underestimates you, and as annoying as it is, it is your advantage. He understands you, you think he is not the only one who is afraid of loving others, of course, neither of you says anything but you never needed to. Gideon and Hotch would be your fathers but they are nothing like your father. Your father was kind and he taught you things, he gave you praise. Hotch and Gideon are cold to you, Gideon more than Hotch. They are both fathers but you feel sorrow for their children. It must hurt to know they will always be second in importance to killers, that they are not enough to be home every night for. You resent them both for hurting their children.

Fresh out of college means it’s time for a career. You decide to join the FBI, the police were not enough to save your father, they are almost useless, you need to be powerful. You join the highest law enforcement in the country and you excel. Sex crimes is not a fun job, but you take pleasure in taking down men who decided to pray on women and children. They do not deserve the nice jail cells they get, but you hope they do get what's coming for them in prison. Of course, that banks on them getting jail time at all. Rape is the only crime where people can suggest that the victim enjoyed it. It is the only subjective crime. There is no enjoyable murder or robbery, victims do not ask to have their identity stolen. It fills you with more rage than you knew was available. You are close with your colleges but you are not their friends. They think you are though. You drink with them, you play games with them, you joke with them. You do not care very much about them. It is a weakness to rely on others for joy, it is foolish to attach yourself to people who are here to hold up a broken system. You also hold up that system, for now at least. You promise yourself you will never be close to your teammates. Justice has no room for friendship.

Gideon keeps a book of people who he has saved. You keep a book of vile men who’ve charmed the justice system, not you though, you are justice but you are not a system. Perhaps you are vengeance.

Your mother taught you to cook when you were little, Cuban food to keep your father alive in memory. As if he would smell the spices and resurrect from the dead. You continue to cook though, it's a hobby and a good one. It provides for you. Unlike Reid, Chinese take out is not your main food source.

Never cut peppers while thinking about murder. A rule no one taught you but they most definitely should have. Your mind is full of your latest case. A pedophile who would cut the hair off his victims to make a doll of them. He wanted to keep them forever, forever young too. You cut your finger instead of the pepper. The pain does not bother you, you are far too used to it for it to impact you, in fact, if anything it makes you feel alive. There is blood dripping down your finger and you are memorized. It’s different from the blood when you were shot, this is carefully controlled. The contrast of it against your skin is divine. You’ve always thought blood was messy, the villain that comes once a month, and an inconvenience when you cut yourself shaving. You never thought it was elegant until now. You don’t want to continue to cut yourself, that was never your brand. But now, maybe after being inside the minds of men who hurt others, you wish to see their blood run down your hands.

You clean and wash your finger, you’ll catalog and examine those thoughts for another day. You are not evil, not like that. At least you hope not. Although, what would it matter if there was one more person committing sins out there. God has lost control already, he will not control you, society will not control you. You are in control, more than you’ve ever been.

At night you lie awake and think about what you could do to cement your newfound control. You think about the men who’ve gotten away with their heinous acts. You think that perhaps, it would feel good to kill them. For them to suffer like they made others suffer. Prison was not for them, the judges made sure of that. They say liberty and justice for all. These men have liberty but they have not found justice. You will help them find it.

Not only did Randall Garner break into your house and shoot you. He had the audacity to stick his filthy finger in your bullet wound and write on the walls of your home. He wrote ‘rules’, how ironic. You’ve lived by the rules your father gave you even before he was buried in the earth. Now, you’re being punished for not following the rules of a killer. Your father’s rules were not enough to save you. It’s time you break them and make your own.

Rule 1: Do not take shit from anyone, especially a man. If they are cruel to you, be crueler to them. This, however, does not mean to be rude to everyone. Simply, just like in middle school, people must earn your respect. Children, however, are exempt. They have not been tainted by the universe yet, they are unmarked and kind. If they are not kind, something made them that way and they deserve your kindness more than anyone else.

Rule 2: Be smarter and be faster than everyone else. They will not catch you, they may know it's you, it's inevitable, but you will be as free as the men you will hunt.

Rule 3: Friends are for fools, you do not need them. They will slow you down and they will try to convince you that you are wrong, that you need fixing. You can almost hear Reid telling you that you need help, that you're sick. You are not a coward, and you do not need fixing.

High school was not the best time of your life, but it certainly wasn't the worst. You had a tight circle of friends, you didn't quite share with each other, at least your secrets. But you cared enough about each other that it was not important that they didn't know about you. Your friends didn't need to know about your pining over the girl in your math class, that helped you out if you ever needed it and was as sharp as her jawline. You weren’t lonely and that was enough for you, you were, dare you say it, happy. You cooked for your friends on occasions, typically birthdays. You got invited to parties and learned to love the loud music and the smell of beer. You were top of your class, much to some people’s chagrin, but they couldn’t shake you. You joined debate so you could argue for a sport, and boy were you good at it. Teachers said they never met anyone as passionate as you, you didn't tell them that you carry resentment for the shallow topics they choose. There's airing on the side of apolitical and there's apathy towards others. They didn’t like you discussing your opinions, that did not stop you one bit.

Your friend that was always a bit more plays with your hair and you think that maybe the world is kind and gentle, maybe she's right. You feel safe in her lap, her hand carding through your hair before she starts to braid it. It’s intimate in a way that makes you want to sob, no one has touched you like they aren’t afraid of you or aren’t afraid of you breaking in a very long time. You look too much like your father for your mother, and you feel disconnected from her. The two of you do not embrace.

The ceiling above you is popcorn and if you stare long enough you imagine it’s the stars, a beautiful constellation. The world always feels so small with just the two of you. You don’t like being reminded that it is you that is small, not the world. The world is large and it is terrifying, a disheartening juxtaposition.

After someone decides that maybe you shouldn't die you are rushed to the hospital. Granted, you're the one the dialed 911, you always did have to save yourself. You don’t remember much, you are so tired and you’ve lost so much blood. The medics say that they are losing you, perhaps you were never here to begin with. They administer cpr to you and you feel like your body is being crushed. It feels like they are going to kill you as they try to save your life. The next time you open your eyes you're back on the jet. You feel like you're dreaming, and then you know it can’t be real because your father is here. Your father is dead so you think that you must be too. What a cruel trick it must be to have your afterlife still consumed by your job, you are on a jet but you can not fly it. Dad calls you peanut and you almost lose it right there. The shelter you built for your heart after his loss feels like it's been shattered. You feel raw, exposed. Somehow, in his presence, you do not mind it quite so much. You’ve missed him more than you remember and you almost hope that this is real. What this is, you aren’t sure. He tells you it’s a midway point, that you have to choose whether or not you want to live. And that you must make it now.

On the one hand, living always has been a chore. It’s peaceful here with your father. The two of you can talk about everything you’ve always wanted to talk about. You’d like to hear his thoughts on philosophy. He always was your hero.

On the other hand, who will water your plants? You haven’t gotten to say goodbye to the bau and you haven't gotten your justice yet.

You choose to live.

When you moved into your apartment, the first thing you did after unboxing everything was to buy a plant. Your apartment looked dead, just because you were here to make your living in death and you’ve never quite felt alive, did not mean your apartment was doomed to suffer the same fate. You started small with a succulent, they were supposed to be easy to take care of. Slowly your collection grew, you were growing flowers and herbs as well. Your house has never felt more like a home than when all your plants are blooming. It gives you a purpose, something to come home for. You’d also like a cat but you know you are never home enough to sustain all its needs. Hotch has a son at home that he never sees but you suppose that he’s not as important to him as your cat would be to you. You try your hand at painting on your wall, like maybe you learned something from all the time you stared at Lily. You wonder if she still thinks of you, if she looks at the stars and remembers you. You still have the blanket she gave you. It adorns your couch and you think it might be your most prized possession.

You consider getting a tattoo of poetry or a quote in her honor, you feel somedays like you might be obsessed with her but you also might just be in love with her still. You’ve found that there's a fine line between love, obsession, and insanity. Where you fall on the scale you aren’t sure yet and you know you don’t want to find out. You think the two of you were like the quote; ‘A sky full of stars and he was staring at her’. That first night where you walked together was exactly that. She was more beautiful than the night sky and you love the night sky. Maybe someday you’ll get that tattoo but for now, you have crimes to solve and your heart to bury.

You’ve always known that other Latina women were of the more likely to be victims of sexual crimes. That didn't stop you from being shocked and having your heart break every time you saw another woman like you report a heinous crime done to her. You’ve never appreciated your mother deciding you needed to speak Spanish more than when you’ve been able to communicate in these women’s native language. Something about language makes people feel safe, at home. You think perhaps, communication is the world's greatest tool.

You cut your hair like you think it will solve your problems. Like you don’t feel like murder is an option now, like you don’t resent your team for getting you shot. Like you don’t feel like every man is out to get you. At least more than they were before. For a team of gifted profilers, no one seems to notice that you are breaking. Or maybe they do and they simply don’t care that you lie awake at night wondering if your choice to live was a good one or how your blood looked on your knife that day where you accidentally cut yourself. Or maybe, you’ve gotten so used to hiding yourself that they simply think you are still the same person you were before a bullet pierced your skin. Before a man targeted you for not following his rules. Because he needed to be in control. Now he’s dead and it's your turn to be in control. They won’t notice it at first. But you will start controlling them ever so slightly. And then, then you will strike. First, you will make them think you have PTSD, after all, you’d be a prime victim to it. They will be lenient because they think you dream about your attack and not how nice it would feel to slice through the skin of a monster. They don’t know you, you've made sure of that. You’ll open up to Reid if by open you mean fake everything. You’ll tell him about the dreams you aren’t having, and that you definitely see his face everywhere you go. How your walls still feel like they are covered in your blood. Of course, that would be suspicious so first, you will be short. You will be passive-aggressive, more than normal, you will make him see that you are wrong. He will be compelled to help you, ask you what is wrong. He’s too kind to you and this world, he hasn’t quite been burned yet. He will. Maybe by you, maybe by some other man who decides he broke a rule. Someone might think he is too, a sinner. He falls right into your trap. You decide to really play up the trauma and you raid your minibar. Fourteen-year-old you was right about alcohol, it does let you float above everything, you aren’t happy but you are above everything. He knocks on your door and you pretend to be drunker than you are. After lying straight to his face while you put on yet another facade, you kick him out. Tell him that he can’t fix you. Oops, maybe that was more of the truth than you wanted him to know.

There's a slight flaw in this new plan of yours. You were always a bit too sensitive about rapists, perhaps it's a combination of your youth, your womanhood, and the fact that you have sympathy. And rage. You are told by Hotch, who if he wasn't your boss you are sure you’d have told him to go to hell by now, to set yourself up to be an almost rape victim. They tell you that of course, it won’t happen. They’ll be watching you. Problem is you don’t trust him with your life. Shouldn’t trust him with your life, he is of course the one who loaded the gun for the man you shot you. You agree, because you have to, you can’t say no without fielding questions and avoiding pointed stares. It’s too much for you though, it's like you’re in your own personal horror movie. You turn up the music and you block out their calls. You do not want to hear from them right now. It all goes south when you accost the man who wants to take you for himself. You are reprimanded for your actions but you don’t give a single fuck.

It's time for the next step in your plan. Justice. Or as some would call it, murder.

You go back to your hotel with the rest of the team so they don't suspect anything of you. They never do. Later, you’ll go for a walk to clear your head, you’ll make sure someone hears you leave. You’ll track down this son of a bitch and you’ll make sure that he doesn’t live to see another day where he can create evil. You’ve always thought the law did its job, but Hotch says that he’ll have to be let go because there isn’t enough evidence now that you’ve ruined everything. He doesn't say that in as many words. His stoic nature allows him to be ruthless without saying anything, which works for him because no one can ever call him out on subtext. If the law doesn’t care about women, you will. You corner William Lee and you point your gun at him. He smirks at you and you’re glad he does, it makes your job that much more satisfying. You fire at him. You’ve been shot at now, you know how it feels, you watch as the life in him slowly leaves his eyes and it’s more addicting than anything you’ve ever felt. His blood pours onto the pavement much like yours dripped onto your floor. You think it would be more enjoyable if you had his blood on your hands. If you could feel the life leaving him. Next time.

The team finds you, gunshots are very loud, one more point to a knife. You tell them it was self-defense. They mistake the slight shake in your voice as fear, not adrenaline, the good kind. That's on them though. Elle Greenaway does not get scared, she creates fear. You can tell that they don’t 100% believe you, and they shouldn't, but they accept it anyway. You know someone is going to corner you after this, ask you what really happened. You decide that you’ve had enough of chasing killers. Now you’ll be the killer, being chased by them while you’re hunting rapists.

Back when you were new at the BAU and JJ’s smile still gave you butterflies you wondered how they all fell so easily together. Reid and Gideon had chess, Morgan and Garcia had, whatever they had, JJ, Reid, and Morgan were like siblings, Hotch and Gideon the heads of the family. And then there was you. You didn't quite fit in, not yet at least. You wondered how they could make bonds with people that could very well be shot and killed in the coming case. How they could make themselves vulnerable to that kind of destruction. It was better to be cold, it was better to not let them in.

Too bad you always were bad at keeping your promises. You let them worm their way into your heart. It makes saying goodbye oh so much harder. Somehow, you don’t quite regret it though, it made your time amongst the blood enjoyable. Well, as enjoyable as it can be here. You still stand by your opinion that no family built on murder can be steady. It will crumble, and you will not be here to see it fall.

You open your booklet filled with men who make you seethe. When you were very young you assumed that monsters had a certain look to them. That they had red eyes filled with darkness, claws, to scratch you with. You thought if you saw a monster on the street you’d know it. Sadly, the monsters of the world live not in the shadows, but in the light. They are your baseball coaches and math teachers. Every time you arrested one, you heard echoes of the same flawed speech. I never suspected anything, he seemed so normal. There is no normal, it’s an illusion we hold to make ourselves feel safe in our own skin. We shouldn’t feel safe in our skin, that's what kills you.

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe, catch a rapist by his toes, if he hollers, let him scream, so much fun for you and me.

Your hand picks Caden Mechein. Kansas, victim count three, blondes. You take the train, pay in cash, your hair is dyed red and you cut it to a pixie cut so you won't be quite as recognizable to Garcia. Your baseball hat and sunglasses should help with that. You’ve changed your fashion, it fulfills a fantasy you didn't know you had. You dress like a punk now, good thing your mother can’t see you she’d have a fit. You sit alone as the train fills up, no one asks to sit with you, like they know you’re dangerous. Good. You want them to be afraid of you. You stare out the window the entire trip, images flash in your head of what you're about to do. You watch the fields and fields of corn come into visions and you know it's almost time.

After a day and a half of planning and anticipation, you’ve arrived in Topeka. It’s a nice place, different from the east coast. People are friendlier here, you’ve heard about the midwestern nice but it’s different to actually experience a stranger smiling at you while you walk down the street. The darkness conceals you like you conceal the knife on your hip, hidden behind your leather jacket. You have latex gloves in your pocket because as much as you would love to feel his blood on your hands you aren’t going to risk leave fingerprints

You reach Caden’s house, his lights are off, he’s asleep. Perfect. You will kill him in his own home just like you were almost killed in yours. You jimmy the lock, breaking a window is too loud, too suspicious you do not want him to know you’re coming. Suspense is key for murder, it builds up in their heart and makes it just that much better when they see the knife in your hand. Or you’d think, it is your first kill after all.

You make your way into this sicko’s home, you find his bedroom. And you knock on the door. He curses like Jesus Christ will save him from you, he is no match for you. He is out of bed now, he’s asking you what you want. Your blood, you answer him. He pales, just like he’ll look when his blood is drained from his neck. You corner him in the corner of his room and you bring your knife out from your holster. It glimmers in the moonlight, because he feels so safe and secure in his room that he sleeps with a curtain open. Well, felt safe, you doubt he’s very secure with you spinning the knife in front of his face. Why are you doing this, he pleads with you like that will make you walk out of the room right here and abandon your plans. Men always were stupid and arrogant. You tell him that he knows exactly why, that this is his comeuppance for what he did to those girls.

Enough is enough, time to get what you want. You grasp the knife, marveling in its weight, in one bold stroke you slice his neck open. The blood gushes, it does not touch you, you made sure to step back before the flooding began. You watch mesmerized as the floor begins to stain crimson. Caden gasps for air, his feet give out and he falls on the floor. His head hits the wall with a satisfying thud. Eventually, the bleeding stops and you walk away, leaving his corpse to cool before it burns in hell.

Once upon a time, you would have added a signature, perhaps a Birdsfoot Trefoil, signifying revenge. That would be too clean and sweet for the police so you don’t give them it. You wonder how long it will take them to realize that this is the work of a vengeful woman. You hope it doesn't take long, you want the world to see your wrath.

Just like you suspected when you returned home from William Lee’s case, Hotch pulls you into his office. You can see the anger in his eyes and you know then and there that he could kill you with his bare hands and not think twice about it. He is angry because he knows what you’ve done, he’s a firm believer that the law does no wrong and he is a coward.

“Elle, I need to know if you murdered William Lee.”

You scoff at him, “of course not, who do you think I am?” He does not reply and you think that says more than if he had written a thesis about you.

“No Hotch, I didn’t commit cold-blooded murder while on the clock for the FBI”,

You both know that that isn’t true, only one of you is sure.

“Why do you care about him anyway? Relate to him, maybe?”

“Do not throw those kinds of accusations at me, Agent Greenaway.”

He throws your official title as a way of saying that you are no longer his friend, lucky for you never once thought he was, you are not in the habit of befriending men who would see your death as inevitable. You know that this is the end of your stay at the federal bureau of investigation. Might as well go out with a bang.

“Right, of course, my bad. Forgot you think you’re better than everyone else. I have news for you Hotch, you’re a shit father and a terrible husband. You never see your family, you’re so caught up in the high of catching killers your son barely knows who you are. I don’t think you’re any better than the men we catch”

“Elle, I understand you are still recovering from what happened to you but you can not speak to me this way. You’re suspended two weeks without pay, and are pending investigation”

He uses your name now because he knows you are right, he wants you to see him as the good man he sees in the mirror. You want his mirror to crack under what it sees.

“What happened to me? Oh yeah, when you let me get shot because you don’t give a fuck about me or any of the women on this team. I'm not suspended, I’m never coming back to this hell hole. I quit,”

You leave your badge and your gun on his desk. You won’t be needing them.

You ride the high of your first kill like you the first time you got high in highschool. You feel powerful, and like you’ve done the right thing. Out of curiosity, you check the news on your train to Nevada, they don’t mention Caden’s sins. They make him a saint that died as a tragedy not out of righteousness. You’ll make sure they know the sins of your next body.

After you slice this one's throat, you’ll dip your finger in his throat much like Randall Garner did to you, and write ‘scum’ on his forehead. He does not deserve honor in his death, he deserves shame.

Your body count racks up and you’ve never felt both powerful and powerless. You are making a difference, these men who think themselves above the law are finding that they are not above your law. The look on their faces when they understand what’s coming for them is a thing of elegance. When they see all 5’8 of you and realize that they will lose to a woman. Their crimes have not been forgotten, will never be forgiven, and now they will die because of them. They hurt women so now they will be hurt by a woman.

Every day you read the news about another man who you must add to your list and you are disheartened. You are sick of this tango for one. You long for the days of your past when you were happy. Those days are over though, this is your job now and you do it well. You do this for all the past versions of you, some more innocent, some more jaded, all you, all beautiful. For every girl who has ever felt victimized by a man who considers himself mighty. For every girl who still lives in bliss about what the men around her are capable of. You will try to make sure she never learns. You do this for every beautiful, broken girl and so that there needs not to be more of you, this club needs no more members. It’s time they make a new club for girls who are happy, you wish you could have been one of them.

Spanish translation (I am not a native spanish speaker forgive me for any errors):

'Fueron la cosa favorita de tu papá, cariño. Lo echo de menos cada dia.' It was your father's favorite thing sweetheart. I miss him every day

'Sea bilingual mija, los estudios dicen que es buena para tu cerebro. ¿No quises saber la lengua materna de sus ancestros?' You should be bilingual my daughter, the studies say it's good for your brain. Don't you want to know the mother tongue of your ancestors?

Tag List!: @royalpenelope @scandinavian-punk @theatreandfeminism @babey-jj @hellskitchensmurdock

#elle greenaway #Elle greenaway fic #criminal minds fic #criminal minds fanfiction #lucy's fics!#mine!#criminal minds #let me know what you think! 🥺

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buckys-little-hoe · 4 years ago

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Lost in time | Steve Rogers x Reader, Bucky Barnes x Reader

Pairing: Steve x Reader, Bucky x Reader

Summary: You were always basically an angel. But three as a body count in the 40s equals a sinner. You didn’t expect to see them all three at once after decades.

Warnings: brainwashing, electricity, being frozen, mentions of sex and I think that’s it

A/N: heyaww, I was just really bored and decided to write something. I didn’t edit it so there are definitely a few mistakes. Also it completely makes zero sense I guess.

—

Sometimes you wondered what you did to get all of this. It has never been an option for you to get married and have children. Somehow you were never meant to be something. You knew that since your childhood.

Other children your age were playing outside. You scrubbed the floor diligently. Others made friends. You were locked in chambers. Others had adventures. You experienced terrible grief. For years you longed after a real family. Not after an adoptive mother who grumbled her homework on you. Not even after an adoptive father who gave you more punches than any words. You longed for a community. Something that accepted you. Maybe you were useless. Maybe you weren't good enough for anything, but a real family would accept that and do something better for you. They would take care of you and love you. That meant family for you.

You didn't need a biological mother that gave you away for whatever reason. Not even a biological father who apparently saw it the same way. Sometimes you would sit in the dark closet wondering if there was a reason for your suffering. Would you become something special? You could only hope. At night you laid on the floor, the thin blanket on your body. Then you thought of some stories. They did not have to correspond to reality. It was enough for you to escape the real world for a few hours a day.

A few weeks before your birthday, your last family had given you up again. You just weren't made for their farm. When you turned eighteen you were kicked out of the orphanage because you were legally an adult woman. You took a job in a small café and rented a one-room apartment. It wasn't much, but enough. You didn't make many connections. It was important to you to just save money to see the world at some point. It has always been your plan to open as many paths as possible for the future. You had done as many shifts as possible and spent the rest of the time in the library. You liked to read about everything there. The main reason was to just escape the real world. Nobody paid any attention to you, you were like a ghost. But you liked it that way. You had no worries. Your everyday life was always the same. Get up, work, read, go to sleep. You were bored, very much so. But you always only thought about your future.

On a rainy evening, you took the direct route home after work. You didn't have an umbrella with you and didn't necessarily want to go to the library to catch death. You had been so focused on getting around the puddles that you didn't notice the steps behind you. The next time you opened your eyes, you were in a kind of cell. It was larger than your storage room in your childhood. Screams echoed from everywhere in the hallways. It was dirty, smelled bad, and it was cruel. They tied you to a bench, injected some liquid into you and your heart stopped pumping. The organization, or Hydra as they called themselves, stamped this as a side effect.

After a few hours or days, you lost track of time, they chained you to another bed. There they put something made of metal on your head. A scientist stuffed something in your mouth and shortly afterwards electricity ran through your body. It was painful. Very. But you knew what they wanted to influence with it. You had fought against it with all your might. Swam against the current so as not to lose the most precious thing in your life. No matter how terrible they were, the memories were all you had left. Everything after that was very foggy and sluggish. A couple of the guards pulled you back to the cell. During the way they roughly touched you in intimate places or hit you in the stomach for fun. You often threw up on the way back.

At some point you escaped the organization. The entire lab had a power outage you caused and the electronic doors were opened. Only yours was unguarded, for whatever reason.

It had only been a few weeks at Hydra, but you were fired. Your rent for the month was already paid, but you moved to the other end of town. Back to a one-room apartment. You got a job at a cozy pub and at noon you waited in a small restaurant. You still saved the money diligently. Now you were more careful. The fear that Hydra could catch you again was understandable. You avoided the police, the government and just everything with an authority figure. Everything could be corrupt, you realized that there. Some of the guards there were real cops, you knew that because you knew them before.

The world was dangerous. You now had to be careful, watched that you were accompanied by some colleagues in the evening and built several locks on your apartment door. Weeks passed and you noticed new forces. Something about you had changed. You had a different charisma, got more attention and were happy to be involved in discussions. You didn't notice much about yourself.

Then you met a young man. He was a soldier. You spent a few nights together. You couldn't spend your last evening together, he had promised his best friend to go out with him. So you went to a convention and looked at technical things you didn't understand. You would hardly be harmed in public. So your fear of Hydra was limited. A few failed floating cars later, you were between another man and a wall. You went to his home, but nothing more happened between you. You still suffered silently from your first love. Weeks passed and a man ran past you. At such a fast pace that was not even close to normal.

And that's where your story started.

Your footsteps echoed because of the heeled shoes in the little tunnel. You wiped your wet hand on your skirt. You had just helped a child out of the water when you were chasing that man again. To experience this situation was something extraordinary, he was something extraordinary. Just like me, you thought excitedly. You came closer and closer to the soft lapping of the water. For a short moment you had to stop to breathe deeply. Finally you reached the water where the criminal was already dead on the ground. The muscular young man knelt beside him, gasping for breath. His clothes were soaking wet, but that was just a minor matter at the moment. A few minutes ago, this man had run past you in an inhumane condition. He had chased the criminal with no effort, and even when he was pulling a child with him, the man kept his head cool.

A bit worried you knelt down to him. You laid your hand gently on his cheek and a brief warmth radiated from your hand, so he became calmer. His chest rose and fell slowly. His muscles showed up under the white and tight shirt. You shook your head slightly to get rid of this thought and took your hand off his red cheek. He was very attractive. "Can you hear me?" You asked softly but audibly. His head snapped up to you and his curious blue eyes pierced you. As blue as the Atlantic and you threatened to sink into them like the Titanic. This color was so perfect as if the man had no blemishes. Somehow you immediately felt drawn to him.

"How did you do that?", He wanted to know in astonishment. His deep voice gave you goosebumps. Your heart would have been pounding now, but it hadn't done for months. Your breath became shallow and you were afraid of saying something wrong, you didn't want to scare him. You smiled gently.

"It doesn't matter. Your health is more important now. ", You said in a tender voice and ran your hand through his wet hair. Even in this state they were soft as silk. Such men were never really your type. Instead of blue eyes you preferred brown ones. You preferred brown hair over blonde hair, but at that moment it seemed stupid.

"I'm fine ma'am," the blond man assured you. Slowly your hand dropped, but suddenly he gripped your wrist. Your skin tingled under his touch. Should you see a doctor? "May I get your name?" He should give you children too, mister. Oh dear, did you really think that?

"Y/N Y/L/N is my name. And yours?"

"Rogers. Steve Rogers.”

More and more footsteps sounded behind you, so you hesitantly got up and knocked the dirt off your skirt. You were reluctant to leave him now, but you didn't want to have any police officers or even scientists on your neck. Not right now. You have been avoiding larger groups for months. No matter who, if they followed someone authoritarian, you wanted to avoid them. "I guess we’ll see each other some other time, Mister Rogers.", You said goodbye and ran as fast as you could in the opposite direction. His calls disappeared in the whistling wind and you were finally at a safe distance. You wanted to turn around so much, him look again and touch. You wanted to get lost in his eyes or find hold of them.

With your back you leaned against the cold brick wall. The weather was miserable. You closed your eyes exhausted. Sport has never been one of your greatest strengths, on the contrary. You could think logically very well, but you hardly understood mathematics or science. You were better in languages for that. You liked reading a lot and did it also a lot. The music was also in the blood.

In fact, you would be a good catch, but so far you have had multiple kisses with only two different men in your entire life. The first was a few months ago. You had kissed him passionately in an alley and then went your separate ways. And you did that more often. One or the other time, you actually had more. The rule of no sex before marriage didn't apply to you anyway. When would you please get married? At some point he had to go to work, after that you never saw him again. So far you hadn't met the soldier again, which seems all too right to you. Because every time you remembered it, a dark red veil always laid on your face. Instead of a new encounter with the brown-haired man, you would rather swim in a pond in winter.

You shared the other with a well-known man. Back at the convention you met him and you talked long into the night. So one thing led to another. Of course, nothing more than a kiss went, but you saw that a bit of a shame, since he was also a very attractive man. To see him again didn't seem realistic to you, the less you worried about it. You might have just kissed for an hour until you fell asleep in his arms. In the morning you disappeared without leaving anything. His personal assistant helped you out. Until you landed with him in bed a second time. And again. The press couldn’t et enough of you. You both decided that it would be better if your relationship ended here.

To get back to the previous topic, Steve Rogers was a treat for the eye. And weeks after the incident at the water, you met him again. And again. And again. The random meetings became dates. And no matter where he went, you followed him. You weren't a couple, but you had nothing to do and you both found each other attractive. The nights ended without sleep but with a lot of fun. He told you about his best friend Bucky. Bucky was an integral part of his life. And when he went on a mission to liberate his best friend, you went too, but in secret. Peggy Carter had helped you dress like a man, which was pretty funny.

A few unconscious Nazis later, you were in some tract. And then you became aware of one thing. This was not just any prison that was built by the Nazis. This was a Hydra camp. And as soon as the first Nazi had a chance, he went to Dr. Armin Zola. The scientist now had his favorite toy back. You were locked up. And no matter how many times they tried to erase your memory, it never worked. Until they noticed that it was related to your abilities, since you could manipulate the energy. Emotional energy, energy from electricity and so on. Just a few months later, Hydra got bored of you and you were frozen. The Winter Soldier was the newest and most successful experiment. You never woke up again.

You got moved to a Russian Hydrabase, you were like an exhibit. Decades passed and you still slept peacefully. But in 2017 everything changed. The Avengers cleared Hydrabases, collecting data, and so on. When Steve saw you, his eyes almost fell out of his head. As soon as he opened the door, you were awake. You had looked into each other's eyes. "I'm sorry." Was the first thing that came out of you. He just hugged you. Tony Stark appeared behind him, which was why you winced. "Howard?" You asked. Your mind was foggy. What year was it? And even Tony recognized you from all the press pictures his father had kept. Steve let go and looked at you worriedly. The next shock you got when you saw James, with longer hair, but James.

"James?"

"Y / N?"

You two spoke at the same time and you became aware of one thing. The Bucky that Steve was talking about was James. Your James.

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mnchysmanuscripts · 5 years ago

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Twenty Twenty

It’s that time of year again, waves of resolutions are washing across my timeline and a sense of self-improvement is in the air. If you think for a second I’m going to miss out on an opportunity for easy compliments and encouragement, you clearly don’t know me that well. But, I’m not a huge fan of New Year’s resolutions. Creating pass/fail goals over long stretches of time that necessitate radical changes to your lifestyle without accompanying radical changes to your lifestyle never seem to work out. I am a huge fan of yearly themes, however. In fact, I had one for 2019.

Last year was the Year of More. I knew that once I started college I wouldn’t have nearly as much temporal freedom as I once had to waste away and accomplish nothing of value, and so I resolved to branch out and expand my both literal and figurative palate as much as possible before school started. It’s hard to state exactly how successful the year was without concrete data, but I was able to accomplish a few of my goals. I picked up new skills that I use still routinely, I massively expanded my pool of artistic inspiration and intellectual stimuli, I tried a bunch of weird/scary foods, traveled to far off places without my mommy, and moved to a new city across the country. All of these are great victories, but the actual moment to moment of the year was pretty much how the moment to moment of my life had been before it. One of the main goals of the Year of the More was to finish creative projects I had always wanted to but never found the time or place for. That, obviously, didn’t pan out. As it turns out, you can’t do more things just by saying you’ll do more things. Productivity doesn’t really work like that.

Your brain loves crossing out items in a to-do list. There’s no greater feeling in the world than accomplishing your goals and seeing men cower at the sight. But, doing things is hard. It requires time and effort, both of which are limited resources. Not to mention, while your brain loves a completed project, it hates actually performing the actions necessary to complete them. If it’s a matter of life or death, your brain can compel you to do almost anything, but it will continuously try to weasel out of every other scenario until it reaches that point. Besides, your deadline isn’t that urgent. Maybe it won’t be a big deal if you don’t get started right away. You’ve been so good lately too, you deserve a break. You can always get it done tomorrow. It’s here, when your brain is confronted with ambiguity of necessity and genuinely plausible excuses, that it becomes all too easy to become distracted and procrastinate. The problem is multiplied when you have multiple projects you want to work on, because even the act of deciding what project to work on can trigger you to hesitate and become distracted. When you’re distracted, you’re not doing work and you aren’t really having fun either. It’s hard to not feel guilty booting up that video game when you know you should be working, but it’s equally as hard to pry yourself away from it once you start playing. You’re stuck in the middle, all because there was no clear decision to be made. In your hesitation, your brain defaulted to the path of least resistance and you’re paying for it. This sort of thing would happen to me nearly every day of my life. And it wasn’t just my laziness, there’s something else at play here too.

Across the nation, our best and brightest are being round up and employed at a handful of mega-corporations with a singular purpose: to find cool, new ways to sell things to you. This is not a conspiracy, this is not science fiction, this was cutting edge ten years ago and now it’s just taken for granted by everyone who thinks about it for more than a second. Your favorite social media is not a neutral platform that you come to socialize and consume content on. It is a business, and as a business it has the sole purpose of making money, and the way these business makes money is by selling ad space and by selling your data to advertisers. The longer you look and the more you refresh, the more advertisements you’ll see and the more data you’ll leave behind. All the while, that social media platform is making money. Many people I know, perhaps even you reading this sentence right now, get the vast majority of their social interaction and consume the vast majority of their media through these systems which have been designed with the sole purpose of maximizing the amount of time spent looking at advertisements. To accomplish this, social media platforms (and by extension the promoted user generated content on said platforms) intentionally make their websites as addicting as possible. They develop algorithms to show you the posts that will keep you the most engaged, for better or for worse, because they need to keep your attention for as long as possible. It doesn’t matter if you have AdBlock and aren’t literally seeing advertisements, the systems these websites are built on still affect you and are still extremely dangerous. We have become addicted to refreshing the page in the hopes that we will get to see and consume more and more content like pigs at a trough, all for the benefit of the pasty nerds and rich people. Just to be clear, I’m not above this. You aren’t stupid for closing that tab just to reopen it moments later. Like I said, our best and brightest are intentionally designing these systems for their job. They are preying on the mind’s easily exploitable ability to become distracted and using it for possibly the most evil goal fucking imaginable. Facebook broke your brain to spam you with pop-up ads.

And so, as a result of being a scatterbrained creative with too much time on my hands and a stable internet connection, I have the worst of both worlds. I’m pushed by my lack of severe lack of self-discipline and easily distractible set of hobbies, and pulled by algorithms designed by a team of the nation’s top scientists to be as addicting and time-consuming as possible, into becoming a strange being consisting only of wasted time and untapped potential.

But no more, I say. It’s time I take matters into my own hands. These distractions are like the brambles of a jungle-- chaotic and ever-growing. I must cleave through them with my machete and create the sort of life I want to live in. It’ll be a life without distractions, without addictions. It’ll be a life of intentionality, of clarity. I will conquer this jungle.

2020 is the Year of Conquest. I’m taking back my life and making sure I live as intentional of a life as I possibly can. What’s so painful about distractions is how they can eat away an afternoon or an entire day you promised yourself you would spend working. I’m not going to never play a video game ever again, quite the opposite. I’m simply going to clearly define times where I will work and times I will play, there can’t be anymore ambiguity. When I’m working, I’m working. When I’m playing, I’m playing. And, of course, I will try as hard as I can to wrestle with my addiction to social media. I’m not leaving the internet, obviously. I will still use social media but, again, in an intentional manner. I will not allow my tools to seduce me. My phone does not get to beckon me to it with notifications and interrupt my work. I will use it when and only when I choose to.

All this might sound a bit vague, but that’s how themes work best. The Year of Conquest is simply the prompt, the starting point for a whole roster of specific resolutions. I fully intend to get more specific and walkthrough my actual plans/goals for the year, but if I just start listing them all right now then I’ll get a dopamine rush that’ll satiate my self-improvement appetite and I’ll end up not actually doing them. In general though, I’m going to use a combination of incentivizes, disincentivizes, and structural lifestyle changes to try and lead a more intentional life. These carrots, sticks, and tracks definitely can and will be explained in a future post but again that’s a story for another time. Probably tomorrow, it’s my bedtime.

(Send me asks and give me some feedback. It makes me happy to know people are actually reading.)

#munchuscript

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douxreviews · 5 years ago

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Roswell, New Mexico - ‘Pilot' Review

Before we get started, let’s address the elephant in the room. This is not a reboot of the 1999 WB show Roswell.

It is a show based on the same Roswell High books as the ‘99 show. So yes, there are similarities. And if you liked the show, you’ll probably enjoy this one too. But if you thought a high school drama built around star-crossed lovers trying to hide the existence of aliens from the government and their parents was on the cheesy side, you may still want to give this a shot because while the themes of otherness and acceptance are still there, the characters and plots have all grown up. And if you never saw the original but science fiction that’s heavy on alien metaphors with a side order of science is your jam, you’re in for a treat.

I promise I will not spend every episode comparing the two versions. Art is a product of its place and time. The expectations viewers have for the shows they watch have changed. Therefore, each iteration must be judged on its own merits. What are they trying to say and how well do they achieve their narrative goals? For all their similarities, these two shows are saying something very different.

In many respects, the original show’s focus on Liz and Max’s love story sucked up much of the narrative oxygen in the room. The larger themes of alienation and acceptance, when they occurred, were almost solely through the metaphor of the aliens on earth. Here we address similar themes from multiple angles. By embracing diversity, in terms of ethnicity, gender, sexual identity, immigration status, and, yes, human vs. alien, they hammer home the idea that being “other” doesn’t necessarily make us different.

The feelings of otherness are not limited to our alien friends. Liz doesn’t fit in not only because of her father’s real, and her suspected, undocumented status but also due to the town’s residual hatred regarding her sister Rosa’s actions. Alex is a military man from a military family in love with a man who despises authority and refuses to conform. On paper, Kyle looks perfect. He’s a good-looking doctor from a respected family but he’s so lonely he’s willing to have a romp with an ex in his car while knowing she’s using him. Each of them is desperate to find a connection, and that desperation has the potential to lead down some dark paths.

Don’t get me wrong, at its heart this is still the love story of Liz and Max; two outsiders with an undeniable attraction for each other but separated by facts that would give Romeo and Juliet pause. At least those two were both human. Yet if not for Max’s love for Liz, we’d have no inciting incident. Liz would have died in a random shooting and he, Isobel, and Michael would have quietly continued their existence in Roswell with no one the wiser. Instead, Liz returns after a 10-year absence and Max refuses to lose her again.

His actions are not without repercussions. Liz is no longer a half-smitten high school student. She believed she was shot, her uniform had a bullet hole, there is a handprint on her chest, and no visible injury. No self-respecting scientist would let that mystery go uninvestigated which only leads her to more questions.

Thanks to her aborted fling with Kyle, he knows something is up too. Unfortunately, for all involved, Kyle goes to a far more dangerous source for answers. Now the secret Max, Isobel, and Michael have been harboring for over 20 years, that they are the aliens from the 1947 crash, is in danger of coming out.

Add to this the mystery of Liz’s sister’s death. As far as the residents of Roswell are concerned, Rosa, as her father put it, “took drugs, and she drove, and when she died, she took two innocent girls with her.” We know that’s not true or at least not the whole truth. Max, Isobel, and presumably Michael have something to do with Rosa’s death and whatever that truth is would spell an end to Liz and Max’s budding romance. So, of course, she’s going to find out, right?

Regardless of whether the trio is responsible for Rosa’s death (and does anyone really believe Max and Company deliberately killed her?) their fears of exposure are both real and well-founded. Sergeant Manes and Kyle’s dad were involved with Project Shepherd. According to Manes, this project was created to protect humans from any threat that aliens might pose. However, Manes has already made that determination. And he isn’t subtle about his position on the monsters that landed in 1947 or the killers he believes they are.

What Have We Learned:

For starters, we know that Max can heal, Michael can move objects with his mind and Isobel can affect people’s thoughts. We also learned that Isobel used that ability ten years ago to send Liz away when she started reciprocating Max’s feelings for her. And apparently, Max isn’t the only one who’s been carrying a torch since high school. In Michael’s case, there was a lot more to the relationship than simply mooning over Alex from afar.

I happened to love the original show and I’ve always been skeptical of reboots. So, I approached this with a healthy dose of curiosity and very low expectations. However, the complexity of the characters, the adult themes, and the not-so-subtle commentary on the differing views on aliens of all stripes left me impressed. Consider me all in.

4 out of 5 glowing handprints

Parting Thoughts:

I loved the nods to the original, such as Crashdown’s waitress uniforms.

Project Shepherd is a military exercise, right? Was Kyle’s dad in the military too?

Liz’s confession to Max regarding her mother and sister’s mental issues sounded like a legitimate plea for information and not just a line to get Max’s DNA. Please tell me that’s going to get explained at some point.

While we’re on the theme of things they better address, Michael has a chemical similar to meth coming from his trailer. Huh?

And what’s Maria’s story? She got the short end of the stick as far as storylines go. I want to know what’s with the fortune-telling?

Quotes:

Liz: “Every small town has a story, but my hometown has a legend.”

Arturo: “I like it here. I like making milkshakes for tourists dressed like little green men.”

Max: “I’m not one of the bad guys, Liz.”

Max: “So, where you been?” Liz: “Denver, working on an experimental regenerative medicine study. We were onto something special, but of course we lost funding because someone needs money for a wall.”

Kyle: “So, we could do the awkward exes small talk thing, but I’m guessing that’s not why you’re here.”

Valentin: “For God’s sake, Evans. Shave.” Max: “I heard you ranting about patriarchal dress codes and grooming standards last week. I’m just aligning myself with your feminist agenda, Sheriff.”

Hank: “Isn’t that the Ortecho girl? I thought she went back to her own country.” Maria: “Uh-uh, Hank. You’re not distracting me from my money with your thinly veiled racism.”

Isobel: “The good old days. Just three happy kids who aren’t in danger of being dragged off to the Pentagon by men in hazmat suits because someone couldn’t keep his superhuman healing hands to himself.”

Isobel: “Fall in love with someone else, Max. Anyone else.” Max: “It’s been ten years, Iz. If I could have, I would have.”

Kyle: “This is probably a bad idea.” Liz: “I thought we were ignoring that in favor of the whole sex thing.”

Liz: “This is probably a bad idea.” Kyle: “If only someone said that earlier.”

Kyle: “If you see the handprint go to Manes.”

Liz: "Michael outscored me on every AP exam. I thought he would get some scholarship, change the world.” Max: “I don’t think Michael likes the world enough to bother changing it.”

Max; “She can never know what happened to Rosa.”

Shari loves sci-fi, fantasy, supernatural, and anything with a cape.

#Roswell New Mexico #Roswell #Liz Ortecho #Max Evans #Roswell High #Roswell New Mexico Reviews #Doux Reviews #TV Reviews

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antistudyblr · 6 years ago

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things i learned during my first year of college

I’ve been home for two weeks now, and I’ve been thinking a lot about my first year of college and everything I’ve learned. I’ve definitely changed and grown into a better person in the last 9 months so here are some reflections on the most important things I’ve taken away from the experience.

It’s okay to be lonely (sometimes) because everyone is. This is the hardest thing to come to grips with, and I don’t think anyone at any stage of their life really understands it. It’s especially heightened in college, when it seems like everyone else is hanging out their their friends all the time while you’re sitting alone in your room or eating dinner alone. It wasn’t until I was talking to some of my first-year friends near the end of the year that I realized everyone feels these moments of isolation, no matter how many friends they seem to have with them all the time. It’s normal. But, if you’re feeling lonely or isolated from the community often or it’s in any way detrimental to your mental health, reach out to a friend or mental health professional.

Lower your standards or it won’t be manageable otherwise. I was in group therapy this year, in a group geared toward getting things done (helpful as a chronic procrastinator with ADHD). And while discussing me not finishing Spanish readings, someone in the group gently reminded me that I wasn’t in high school anymore. I was still getting good grades and participating in class; who cares if I didn’t read every page or used English aids to help me get through. Now this might be different for others--maybe you don’t copy out your notes until they're pristine anymore, or don’t work every problem til it matches the answer key. But college is different than high school. Depending on your future plans, getting straight As may matter less, and it’s definitely more difficult. You have to recognize that and adjust your study habits accordingly or you’ll be stressed constantly and not enjoying your new experience.

Please, don’t buy your textbooks before the first day of class. You’ve heard it before, but it’s a real issue. I know you’re excited, but save your money and sanity. Wait and head to the library for any pressing needs in week 1.

Find a professor you can talk to. aka go to office hours. My Literature Humanities professor has been an absolute gift; we’ve had amazing conversations about literature, politics, and life in general. She’s helped me through hard moments (like an issue with affording textbooks) and given me amazing advice. Having someone like this in my life has been indispensable. And guess what? I only connected with her after going to office hours. (An older friend can serve the same mentor role, but still go to office hours anyway. They’re more useful than you think, and you’ll need letters of rec some day)

Say yes to new experiences. Don’t do anything that will put you in danger or that makes you incredibly uncomfortable. But that club that seems cool and totally different than what you did in high school? Go to a meeting or fill out an application. Your friends are going to a party/concert/museum/something? Tag along and see what’s up. I joined our school’s blog, and ran for band board on impulse and it’s been some of the best and most formative experiences I’ve had so far.

Have some kind of reliable income. I didn’t have a job my first semester and it made my year so much harder than it needed to be. From buying spring textbooks to being able to do fun things with my friends in the city, I was so hindered in every way. Whether it’s a job or an allowance from family, having a small, steady stream of money makes life so much less stressful in the long run.

Make friends in class. I’m so bad at this, and next year I’m going to work on taking my own advice more. Having someone to do your homework with or get notes from when you miss class is so important. You’re going to miss (or skip) occasionally; that’s when you need it. They also make class(especially a bad class) more enjoyable!

Your friendships are going to take work and time. Unless you’re going to school with a dozen of your closest friends, you’re essentially starting from scratch with your relationships. Don’t try to push things too hard; it’s okay if you only have surface-level friendships with everyone after a few months. You have to be willing to be the one to make plans, open yourself up, and dedicate time to these new friendships (or romantic relationships). Reaching out can be hard and, it’ll take trial and error, but you’ll find what works best for you in this new environment and, hopefully, a great group of friends as well.

You will fail. It might not be a test or a class, but it’s going to come up eventually. I got rejected from every club I applied or auditioned for and it made my first month at Columbia hurt a lot. My summer internship search was a disaster and it was all my fault. You’ve got to pick yourself up after and make the best. It’ll teach you more than success ever did; for me, it was incredibly humbling and showed me where I need to work. Push past the “I’ll never do well again” toward the “Well, that was shitty. What do I do about it so I can make it better or it doesn’t happen again?”

Advocate for resources/what you need (your adviser should help). Colleges have so many resources: from free counselling to study abroad fellowships to lending libraries for low-income students. It’s all there for you. But you’re going to be the one who has to navigate these often confusing straits. Talk to older students and your adviser, who should have knowledge of all of these resources or be willing to help you look. If they’re not helpful or supportive (not just in looking for resources), it might be time to think about getting another adviser.

Ask for help. Whether it’s seeing a counselor to help your mental health, getting advice from a friend, or asking a professor for a much-needed extension, don’t be afraid to speak up. These people are here to help you, and most want to see you succeed. And if you get a hard-ass professor or a bad counselor, don’t let that be a deterrent to asking for a different counselor or an extension in a different class.

Talk to your roommate. Maybe you don’t want your roommate walking in on a heavy make-out with your significant other or you can’t sleep with the lights on. Know that whatever dumb rooommate agreement you sign at the beginning of the year probably won’t hold, and adjust accordingly. The important thing to remember is that the conversation is always ongoing and you have to speak up if something is bothering you.

It’s okay to change your mind. I came into school a political science and Hispanic studies double major and I was determined to stick to my path. But one day, at a group therapy session, I was complaining about my frustration at being unable to finish my Spanish readings for seemingly no reason and an upperclassman basically asked “Have you ever thought that you don’t want to do it because this isn’t right for you?” He basically changed my life in that moment and I realized that my plans can and should change. If I’m spending thousands at this institution, I should be loving what I study instead of trying to maximize my potential to sell out to finance or corporate law. As a first year, you have so much time. Don’t be afraid to admit that what you thought was your best plan when you were 6 or 12 or 17 isn’t working for you now and go for something that’s more rewarding for you.

I could keep going, but this is long enough. If you want to hear any more about my first year thoughts, experiences, advice, don’t be afraid to ask!

#isabel says things #isabel gives advice #studyblr #college freshman #first year of college #college life #freshman year #first year foray #long post #i might do a legit personal reflection later idk #enjoy this reblog it whatever

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inevitably-johnlocked · 8 years ago

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Hey hun. So I am a Disney/fairytale/fantasy nut and was wondering if you could recommend any good Johnlock "Disney princess" or fairytale AU fics? Ta!

Hi Lovely!

I actually haven’t read any that come to mind immediately, other than these ones:

MOVIE /TV UNIVERSES

The Swan Triad Series by Pennin_Ink (T, 121,660 w. across 3 works || Swan Princess AU) – Sherlock and John grow up spending every summer together. Their mothers’ attempts to play matchmaker only fuel their mutual resentment and scorn. But then, one summer…

The Frost Child by twistedthicket1 (M, 9,944 w. || Frozen-ish AU || Angst, Fluff) – In a world where people are born with a Gift of varying levels, simple John Watson is the last person one might look at when thinking of any strong Magick capabilities. Hiding comfortably in the shadow of Sherlock’s brilliant deducing abilities, John is content to keep it that way…

Perdition’s Flames by i_ship_an_armada (E, 63,435 w., | Treklock AU) – Sherlock would do anything to save him. Risk anything. Give anything. His money, his life. His soul. What he does, though, is change both of their destinies forever. Genetic re-engineering is the only option left. It turns out researchers underestimated the life expectancy and potential abilities of genetically re-engineered subjects. The British government and what would eventually become the United Federation of Planets, however, had not. Part 1 of PF Universe

Coventry by standbygo (E, 52,020 w. || Dollhouse AU) – “Let me get this straight,” John said, wondering when his life had become a science fiction film. “Some guy orders up a personality, a person, to his specifications, and they program this into a real live person, who has consented to do this, and she goes to this person and acts as his wife, or lawyer, or Royal Marine, or Navy Seal or what have you, and she has all the skills, all the knowledge, everything? Then you say the magic words, and she follows you back to The House, and they erase it all until her next appointment?”

The Boy Who Drank Stars by kinklock (E, 36,187 w. || Howl’s Moving Castle | Slow Burn, Romance, Pining) – “I’m looking for a castle,” John informed the scarecrow. “A moving one.” Except that, as it turned out, it was not a moving one at all.

Impossible Improbable Truth by KaraRenee (M, 24,308 w. || Labyrinth AU) – John and Sherlock take a case investigating the disappearance of a teenage girl and her toddler half brother. What they find is an impossible adventure that leads them on a journey of discovery of their sexuality. {{I haven’t read this, but it’s on my Marked for Later and I remembered putting it on there LOL}}

Through Dangers Untold by hogwartswitch (E, 32,003 w. || Labyrinth AU) – The Goblin King has fallen in love with John Watson and visits him in dreams. But the evil wizard who cursed the Goblin King cannot allow that to continue. Will John survive the labyrinth? Or will he become a lost goblin like all the rest? {{I think I started this when it was a WiP, so I never finished it, hah. I don’t remember it all.}}

Malediction by MapleleafCameo (M, 36,680 w. || Ladyhawke AU) – Cursed to a half-life, John and Sherlock must fight the forces of evil to be reunited once again. {{I read this once a LONG time ago. I remember loving it.}}

Bel Canto by bendingsignpost (T, 96,751 w. || Phantom of the Opera AU || Major Character Death) – After years of waiting for wealthy patrons to faint, Dr John Watson discovers a far more interesting patient in the opera house basement. {{ Another I never finished, but this is the “go to” PotO fic}}

The Dragon’s Soldier by twistedthicket1 (M, 154,667 w. || Smauglock || Past Rape/Non-con, H/C, Dragonlock) – When the dragons “came out” to the rest of the world, nobody expected the resulting War that broke out between Humans and Beasts. Both sides afraid and suspicious of each other, Humans drove Dragons into slavery, imprisoning them and turning their children into weapons for the military. Forced into hiding, many Dragons disguised themselves as Human and kept their secrets locked away, awaiting for the day when the royal blood line long since vanished would once again reappear and lay waste to the Humans that oppressed them. Can Dragon and Man really get along? Or even more, become friends? {{Another on my MFL list, haven’t read this yet so read at your own risk}}

The Soul Remembers by i_ship_an_armada (E, 43,636 w. || Oblivion AU || Dreams, Sci-Fi, Action/Adventure, Bittersweet Ending) – John Watson is the lone security repairman stationed on a desolate, nearly-ruined future Earth. His dreams are plagued by a tall, dark-haired man, and when his dreams meet reality, he will be forced to question everything he believes is the truth about his life.

Deducing Daisies by LlamaWithAPen (G, 144,583 w. WIP || Pushing Daisies AU || Friendship, Death, Humour) – What if you could touch someone and bring them back to life? Sherlock Holmes, the Detective, is a seemingly ordinary man with an extraordinary gift: he can bring the dead back to life with a single touch. {{Haven’t read this yet, it’s on my MFL list, read at own discretion}}

Once Upon a Beast Becoming by antietamfalls (T, 24,042 w. || Beauty and the Beast AU || Magical Realism, Romance) – An act of pride, a druid’s curse, an enchanted leaf; Sherlock’s torment has lasted an age. Hope arrives in the form of one John Watson, a man uniquely suited to break the spell. But with a single night to win his affections, Sherlock finds his carefully laid plans disrupted by a monstrous killer whose sights are set on the only thing he has left to lose: John. {{Haven’t read this yet, on MFL list. Read at your own discretion}}

SPECIAL ABILITIES

We Bleed into the Grey by QuinnAnderson (T, 4,989 w. | Fluff and Angst, Supernatural Elements) – It was stupid, really. What was the point of having an ability if it wasn’t even a useful one? Sherlock would just as soon be rid of his. Until he meets John Watson, that is. {{Sherlock can see Auras}}

An Experiment in Empathy Series by belovedmuerto (G to T, 62 397w across 13 stories) – In which John is an empath, Sherlock is Sherlock, and an epic bromance happens. In the aftermath of The Great Game, John creates an unexpected bond between himself and Sherlock. Now they have to learn how to deal with it. John is better at this than Sherlock is. {{I LOVE this SERIES SO MUCH.}}

An Experiment in Apathy Series by belovedmuerto (G to E, 28,701 w. over 13 stories, WIP) – John and Sherlock navigate their complicated relationship. I adore this series, and it feels complete where it leaves off :)

Invisible by chappysmom (K+, 25+K w. || No Slash, semi-canon compliant) – John had had the knack for as long as he could remember. It wasn’t that he could become invisible, exactly. The laws of physics worked quite well in his vicinity, thank you very much. It was just that people tended … not to see him. {{This was one of the first AU’s I read, and I still love it to this day}}. SEQUELS: Still Invisible (ASiB) || Too Visible (THoB) || Invisible Once More (TRF) All are very good and should all be read.

Conductivity by Coquillage Atlas (K,11K+ w.|| Fantasy and Friendship) – John Watson, alone in London with a healing power he can hardly bear. A description of his life with magic, before and after Sherlock. {{Another really good AU!}} SEQUELS: Resistance || Reciprocity

Left by lifeonmars (M, 45,153 w. || Magical Realism) – John Watson is left-handed. He’s tried not to let it affect his life, but as any Lefty knows, that’s almost impossible. (FAVE!!)

ANGELS AND DEMONS / WING!LOCK

I Used to Live Alone Before I Knew You by etothepii (T, 11,052 w. | Winglock) – Where Mycroft is an angel, Sherlock is a demon, and John is still John. {{I like this one because John is so perfect in it, and Sherlock cares so much about John}}

Fallen Series by Belladonna_Q & mamishka (T, 222,094 w. across 3 works, WiP || Angel!John, Fae & Fairies) – In a world where myth, mystery, and the supernatural flourish beneath the veneer of modern civilization, Sherlock is a master of magic as well as science and deduction. But there are some things that he cannot see, riddles he cannot unravel, even when they walk right beside him in the form of one John Watson…

A Certain Kind of Hunger by MapleleafCameo (E, 5,881w. || Somnophilia, Incubus!John, Tail Things) – A concerned Sherlock watches as John seems to be rapidly losing weight. What he discovers is that John really isn’t normal. And he is very, very hungry. The tail was the real surprise.

Angel by MrsNoggin (T, 1K+w. || Friendship, Winglock-ish) – John is an angel. That can be the only explanation. This is an interesting take on the Winglock universe.

Not The Hands That Kill by You_Light_The_Sky (M, 6,201 w. || Winglock, Implied Sex) – Having wings does not make Sherlock Holmes a guardian angel, not in the way that John Watson is his.

Guidelines by WithLoweredVoices (M, 43,018 w. || Winglock, Fantasy, BAMF!John) – The Good Soldier, one of the oldest and strongest of the fallen, is offered a bargain: to live as John Watson and to Guide a fledgling archangel so that he will stay on the path of good. Of course, Sherlock Holmes has different ideas about his destiny. Warnings for violence, occasional gore, and a whole load of hurt and angst.

It’s After That Hurts by jonnyluvssherlock (T, 2,791 w. || Winglock, Pining Sherlock, Minor Gore, Fallen Angel, Friends to Lovers) – Sherlock’s an angel stuck as a guardian to danger addict John Watson. Everything is fine until he gets too involved. Now he has to make the choice, eternity alone or one life time with a man who may or may not love him. {{This is only one chapter and it feels like it should be more… I love it but feels incomplete. Kind of an AU of City of Angels}}

VAMPIRES AND WEREWOLVES

John Watson’s Moon by patternofdefiance (E, 11,314 w. || Werewolf!John, First Time) – Sherlock finds out John is a werewold and wants to see the transformation. It, uh, gets really kinky.

An Acquired Taste by kinklock (E, 31,059 w. || Bat!Sherlock, Humour, Misunderstandings) – At Montague Street when Sherlock was forced to sate his body’s needs, he was at least able to wander about the flat as much as he pleased. At Baker Street, it was mini-bags in a mini-fridge and bedroom confinement.

Bleed Me Out by antietamfalls (E, 87,987 w. || Soul Bonding, John Whump, Fluff and Angst, H/C) – John isn’t exactly surprised to discover that Sherlock isn’t human. His vampirism doesn’t pose a problem, even when their relationship gradually grows into something more. That is, until a deadly revelation about John’s blood sends their lives spinning dangerously out of control.

MAGIC AND FANTASY

Shatter the Darkness (Let the Light In) by MojoFlower (E, 109,683 w. | GenieLock, Torture, H/C, Magical Realism) – Fairy tales are for those who remember how to dream; not John Watson, broken and hiding from his bleak future in a beige bedsit. But then he discovers a lamp and finds himself in the dangerous riptide of an enigmatic man whose very existence is unbelievable, murder charges against his sister, and the growing pains of feeling alive once more. {{This is a REALLY great story, which tears at your heart consistently}}.

De Veritate Unicornis Moderni by tepid sponge bath (T, 5K+ w. | Fantasy & Drama) – John Watson, a unicorn of this day and age, is trapped in a mortal body. Life as it is seems pretty pointless, almost unendurable, until he meets one Sherlock Holmes, consulting detective and very much a virgin. {{This is such an interesting take on unicorn mythology}}.

To Mend A Heart by dee-light (G, 1,472 w. || Magical Realism, H/C) – Hearts can be broken, and mended, and broken again. Good thing, then, that hearts are only the seat of all emotion, and not something Sherlock needs in order to live.

Winter of Life by You_Light_The_Sky (T, 5,178 w. || Magic Realism, Fluff, Christmas, Angst) – It was an experiment, really. On Christmas, Sherlock wrote to Santa asking for a friend. He got a broken toy soldier instead. This is the story of how he finds him again and again.

Software Malfunction by tiger_in_the_flightdeck (E, Tumblr fic || Android!lock, Jealous, Angst, Unhappy Ending) – Assigned as the head of Medical Research on the Baker, John Watson meets- and quickly falls in love with- Sherlock, a specially commissioned Companion android with a malfunction.

No Strings Attached by Elster (G, 2,714w. || Fae / Faeries, Love Confessions, Fairy Tales) – To save John from being spirited away Under the Hill, Sherlock challenges the fairy queen to a fiddle contest.

SUPERNATURAL AND UNEXPLAINED

The Semantics of Crop Circle Formation: a case study by Sherlock Holmes [unpublished] bycanolacrush (M, 41,710 w. || Sherlock POV, Aliens, Wordplay, Casefic) – “Look at these photographs,” I said, gesturing to the wall of crop circles. “What do you observe?”“Crop circles,” John replied.“Obvious. What else?”“Are…are those intestines surrounding them?”“Yes. The majority are bovine and ovine in origin. The farmers who have acquired these crop circles in their fields have also had a tenth of their livestock murdered and arranged thus.”“Why?” John said, presumably in a rhetorical fashion. I detest rhetorical questions. “That is what I must find out, John.”

The Red Dianthus by kinklock (T, 11,382 w. || BAMF!John, Misunderstandings, Halloween, Fluff) – The boys investigate a mysterious disappearance in a supposedly haunted house, and get much more than they bargained for.

Upon Waking by joolabee (E, 3,901 w. || Somnophilia, Mildly Dubious Consent, Angst) – It sets on slow: John can only be awake while Sherlock sleeps, and vice versa. Their lives are codependent, but never meeting. Like a set of scales.

London’s Ghost by JustlikeWater (K+, 5K+ w.|| Tragedy/Angst, MCD, TRF AU, Sherlock POV) – "Today, it’s been weeks since Sherlock died. Other times, years. He doesn’t know for sure, though. Time passes differently for the dead"

Electric Potential by pygmymeese (T, 5K+ w. || Supernatural) – It’s not clear why everyone in the world suddenly gets a ghost only they can interact with. All John Watson knows is that he’s stuck with a brilliant, if smug, ex-consulting detective, and that life is definitely looking up.

Second Waltz by Atiki (T, 6,685 w. || MCD, Angst, Fluff, Cancer) – "The night I died, you wished I could wait for you.“

Where The Ghosts Have Voices by HappyJuicyfruit (M, 37,665 w. || John Whump, Magical Realism, Ghosts, Coma, Happy Ending) – John has lived his whole life as an outcast. It is only when he meets Sherlock, that be realizes being a freak might not be such a bad thing, and that the curse he has lived with his whole life may be a gift after all. {{Haven’t read this yet, it’s on my MFL list, read at your own discretion}}

SOULMATES / TATTOOS

The Heart On Your Sleeve by flawedamythyst (T, 5,441 w. || Heartmark, Stubborn Sherlock) – Sherlock stared at the imperfect circle on his left wrist in horror, then sat down on his bed with a bit of a thump. After over thirty years, his heartmark was finally showing activity. This was not good.

The Best Picture of the Human Soul by SwissMiss (T, 5,776 w. || Tattoos, Finding Your True Love) – The stories of our lives are written on our skin. Every time you fall in love, you gain a mark. Part 1 of Imagines Moti

With All My Heart by QuinnAnderson (E, 19,257 w. || Tally Marks, Magical Realism, Fluff and Angst) – AU in which every time a person falls in love, a red line like a tally mark appears on their wrist. Sherlock is determined to keep himself from ever gaining one of these marks for fear that love will corrode his mental faculties. Then he meets John Watson.

Finding John by orphan_account (T, 5,456 w. || Symbolic Rings) – Sherlock Holmes has met exactly twenty-four Johns in his life. They have all been the wrong John. He’s getting tired of waiting, staring at the inscription on his finger and wondering when his John will turn up, if ever. Part 1 of Inscriptions

what’s in a name by flight815kitsune (NR, 1,285 w. || Soulmate Names) – There were some things you just knew. The name, if you were lucky enough to get one, was one of those things

the fearful passage of death-mark’d love by urcool91 (T, 1980 w. || Tattoos, H/C, Angst) – The first time that John meets Sherlock Holmes, the younger man has his sleeves pushed up to his elbows, wrists bare of any hint of ink. Within 48 hours, John has added “Jefferson Hope” to his clavicle. (Or: The One Where, When You Kill Someone, Their Name Shows Up On Your Arm)

OTHER

Bringing Colour to the World by SD_Ryan (G, 1,168w. || Est. Relationship, Sickfic, Fluff, Schmoop) – In which we encounter a sick detective, a snuggle on the couch, and a silly fairytale.

The Steadfast Tin Watson by what_alchemy (T, 3,973 w. || Fairytales) – When the fairies left, they took their stories with them. But they left the characters behind.

Otherwise, I actually have a lot on my Marked for Later list, all of which have come from Alexx’s lists:

Sherlock & Beauty and the Beast Fusions

Disney & Sherlock

Magic, Monsters & Other Fairy Tales

Merlock, merfolk, mermaids

Ghosts

#steph replies #johnlock fic recs #my fic recs #johnlock au #Anonymous #holy crap this has been drafted for 3 weeks now #just publish it already steph

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loudlytransparenttrash · 8 years ago

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The Truth About Some Of Feminism’s Most Popular Lies

I know a lot of young women are getting pumped up and becoming one with the whole feminism thing, and I get it, you want to be part of some cool sisterhood and feel empowered by believing there’s an embodiment of evil that you can unite and crush together. I get it. There are two problems here though, it’s not a sisterhood and your enemy doesn’t exist.

Feminism does promote a cliquey, sisterhood mentality, that part is true but the moment you step out of line, come up with your own opinions or challenge preconceived ideas, you stop being a sister and become the enemy. They despise freedom. They believe women should be protected from most aspects of public life, especially speech as if women are so weak and fragile that they can’t deal with mere words and can’t face adversarial situations and challenging views without the protective arm of feminism around their shoulders.

Instead of sending the empowering message of “a woman can overcome anything life throws at her”, they rather send the infantile message of “a woman can shut down and censor anything life throws at her”. Women should be encouraged to fight back against opposing views, to engage in political battles on the street and to win the argument, not just scream and insult your way into silencing someone who dares to argue with facts.

Rather than assuming that all men and every aspect of society are inherently programmed to mistreat women, we need to believe that human interaction should be free from constraint. Believe in unequivocal and uncompromising freedom of speech, and the free exchange of ideas between people in order to reach a more progressive outcome. The only way to do this is through an uncompromising belief in freedom. Freedom is everything you are in the western world. You aren’t a victim and you sure as hell aren’t oppressed.

I keep hearing these same misconceptions over and over again and as women we need to stop falling for it, we’re only making ourselves look dumb. Let’s start with the wage gap. As I’ve posted many times, if you want to be paid more, then start putting more thought into your college major. The subjects which young feminists are gravitating to in order to be seen as “good, enlightened, educated feminists” only exist to attract those who are too lazy to study a real subject, they were created specifically for young feminists which may seem really awesome at the time but it gets you nowhere in the real world. Men on the other hand, they dominate the majors which lead to the highest paying jobs, not because of sexism but because they love to be challenged and to work hard - something feminism discourages altogether. There’s nothing stopping you from taking education more seriously so let’s make that our first goal, agreed?

The second part of this wage gap discussion is, well it’s a myth. Feminists still to this day go on about it, complaining that when we enter the workforce we’re inevitably going to be given 23 cents less to our male colleagues just because we have different genitalia. How this hysteria began was by a kindergartener’s calculation of average income between men and women regardless of job position or any other factor, they compare male surgeons to female lunch ladies and scream OMG WAGE GAP!

It has never been a direct comparison in wages, this isn’t about two people working for the same company in the same position with the same experience and working the same hours. Paying women less simply for being a woman is illegal. If it was really happening, why aren’t millions of women taking their employers to court for gender pay discrimination and ignoring the Equal Pay Act, an enforced law to ensure pay equality? Well probably because it doesn’t happen outside of feminism’s imaginary cruel misogynistic, woman-hating world.

Now this isn’t saying that most men don’t retire with more in their bank accounts because it’s true, men end up with more money, but it’s not because they’re being paid more for doing the same job as a woman, they’re simply being paid for jobs women don’t want to do. A lot of men earn more for that exact reason. They earn it. They dominate the hard, dirty, dangerous jobs that require more hours, later hours and involve higher risks for accident and death. They are also more willing to push themselves and fight for top positions. Again, something feminism discourages as they feel like it’s automatically owed to them.

This is only talking about men closer to retirement age. When you begin to look at younger people, there’s a funny little fact that feminists love to exclude from their victim narrative: young women earn more than young men. Women are paid more than men until they reach their 40s, according to an official assessment of the gender pay gap by the Office for National Statistics. Women in their 20s have earned more than men in the same age group for the past decade and now women in their 30s are also paid more than males. Whether it’s because far more women are attending and graduating from college than men or whether it’s the direct result of affirmative action where women are being gifted scholarships and job positions for being women, that’s up for you to decide. Either way, you won’t ever hear a feminist talk about it.

That is not an attack on women and that obviously doesn’t include all women but these are the facts. Something else to take into consideration too: not every woman wants this. Not every woman cares about ending up with 23% less than their husband in retirement because they value family life more than their hours worked and how many men they competed with, they care about having children and living a loving, relaxed and homely life and that is their choice. The extra money they miss out on, they gain in a stronger, closer and invaluable bond and relationship with their children and it’s the father who gets 23% less of a bond. It’s all about perspective and personal choices.

It’s probably why the large majority of women aren’t feminists - in order to be a feminist, you must see your decision to be a housewife or stay at home mom as proof you’re a victim to men and you must always be in competition with men. Most women simply don’t give a fuck lol most of us aren’t batshit crazy and aren’t constantly looking to blame men and see ourselves as victims. Most women just want to do what makes them happy and it’s about time feminists stop shaming these women for wanting a “gender conforming” life.

Let’s focus on feminism’s next excuse to be lazy and unmotivated: their excuse about it being harder for women to break into typically dominated male fields. I really don’t need to spend much time on this one because as we all know, any woman is just as free to study STEM majors and are just as likely to be employed in STEM fields, even more with a little help from our friend affirmative action where now women have a 2:1 advantage when applying for a STEM job over men.

Let’s think about why there may be less women in STEM fields, is it sexism or do women just make different choices? According to the US Department of Statistics women in STEM switch majors at a far higher rate than men once they realize that it’s too hard for them, sometimes all females drop out until there are only men left in classrooms and feminists scream sexism. How is this logical? Where is the accountability for women? Feminists also constantly go on about these hostile, sexist environments in math and engineering but you never hear them complain about biology, agriculture, vet medicine or law where women are flourishing. Is it possible that feminism only turns on the victim switch when men outperform women but stays quiet where women succeed? It appears so.

Women earn more PhDs than men in the humanities, social sciences, education, life sciences. Men prevail in engineering, physics and computer science. Does our social constructed gender stereotypes or the patriarchy explain these differences? Or could it just be in the pursuit of happiness men and women take slightly different paths? When men and women get asked how they like to spend their free time, more men than women say they would enjoy manipulating tools and taking apart and putting together machines. Women are more likely to say they prefer to work with people or living things. The key word here was prefer. Having different preferences which leads to different levels of performance in different fields doesn’t make it sexist, it makes it a part of life.

Girls do better in school, go to college more, graduate more and with higher grades, and in STEM have a 2:1 advantage when job seeking over men. Yet we are told this is not enough and because there’s still more men in some STEM fields, it has to be sexism. Have we ever considered the possibility that women just aren’t as interested as men? Believing in equality doesn’t mean that we have to force women into something they simply don’t want to do or aren’t as interested in to achieve equal ratios. It isn’t sexism, it is preference. A study asked STEM professors why they believe there aren’t as many women in STEM and almost all agreed it is because differences in interest between men and women. Men aren’t keeping women out of STEM, more women simply would rather be doing something else and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Their final excuse probably bothers me above all and that’s when they say young women aren’t as interested because they don’t have as many women to inspire them or be role models. My question is, why do we need women role models? If we believe in equality so much, why can’t we look to a man who has achieved something great or a man in power and say “wow, he has a lot of characteristics that I could strive to attain and take on board, I should be that, embody that, go for it girl and become a boss just like this guy!” Would feminism ever find it acceptable for a man to say that boys need men as role models instead of women? No. So what’s the difference? Surely this is a better approach to encourage girls to get into male dominated fields than to scream sexism and send the message that young girls can only be inspired by their own gender. It has a bit of a sexist smell about it, if you ask me.

Honestly, I think there is a lot more equality than we want to recognize because when we recognize that we can do the same things and achieve the same potential as men then we realize it’s really our fault and there’s no patriarchy to blame for our shortcomings and laziness. Are we ready to own our shit and make changes to the way we approach life or are we going to keep blaming men and encouraging victimhood?

Feminism isn’t setting a good example but we as women need to stay calm and don’t let our emotions get in the way of our goals. Feminism tells us that the only way to crush “the patriarchy” is to be loud and obnoxious, to put men in their place, to walk around with our boobs and ass out and to stop caring about our looks and hygiene - and then they tell us to take them seriously. Sorry ladies, the world doesn’t work that way, you simply don’t get to be a slob and a CEO at the same time whether you’re a man or woman and regardless of where you live, professionalism is the same everywhere you go. That’s something feminism hates. They believe professionalism is the patriarchy, that professionalism is rich white men in the sky controlling our bodies. Give me a break. If you want others to take you seriously, first you have to take yourself seriously, it’s really not that difficult.

Use your voice as a strong woman but please, don’t be a screeching fucking feminist. Stay professional as possible and stay focused. People don’t want to take medical or legal advice or any type of professional advice from someone who isn’t rational or smells and looks like a furry garbage can or talks like a tantrum throwing child, that only sells insecurity and distrust.

If you want a position of power, if you want to be taken seriously - be strong, be smart, don’t ever think something is owed to you for being a woman and don’t ever believe you are a victim of mythical white men controlling your every move. That is paranoid, borderline psychotic thinking and you need to stay as far away from this mindset as possible. This is why I encourage everyone to be ourselves rather than feeling like we have to be feminists.

#feminism #feminist #anti feminism #anti feminist #gender #gender studies #gender equality #radical feminism #radfem #SJW #anti sjw #social justice #social justice warrior #Trump

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worldsandcenturiesfunposting · 8 years ago

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Assassin’s Creed Syndicate Review

I had bought Assassin's Creed Syndicate when it first came out. Though more balls were dropped during the release of Assassin's Creed Unity than in a high school I still opted to get the game both because I didn't purchase Unity and thus wouldn't be spending more money on the company and because the Victorian era is one of my personal favorite periods in history and the idea being able to explore it seemed like fun. AC:S is the only of the three big named Victorian games I was able to get as both Bloodborne and The Order: 1886 were both Playstation exclusives.

However, at the time I was using a laptop PC which was quite a few years old and alas, far too out of date to run the game. By the time I had gotten to the first Evie mission where I was to rescue Robert Topping, the fight club curator, along the way to assassinate Sir David Brewster, the game would freeze and then quit out. A quick check at stemrequirementslab.com showed that my computer was out of date. No matter, I was planning on building a PC proper one day.

That day has finally come and of the two games I've downloaded right off the bat, Assassin's Creed Syndicate was one of them. So how does this game fare compare to the previous and on its own?

Disclaimers: I am playing on a PC using an Xbox One controller. I have seen various let's plays and long plays prior to playing. I have not received any monetary or sexual favors in exchange for this review.

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The Premise:

Assassin's Creed Syndicate is the latest in Ubisoft's Assassin's Creed series. It's an open world stealth based piece of historical fiction taking place in London during the height of the Industrial Revolution in 1868. To paraphrase one of the game devs, it's when the world left the medieval era. People no longer openly carried around swords but reconciled their weapons. Machinery and science was advancing at a pace unheard of in previous times. Industry was booming and once again, God was on the chopping block.

The story follows Jacob and Evie Frye; twin assassins who made it their goal to liberate London from the clutches of the Templars. The entire series is about the centuries old war between the two groups. Like the Illuminati in Deus Ex, the premise of the game is what it might be like if these age old secret organizations didn't die off eventually but kept working behind the scenes for all of history.

Their primary target is a man named Crawford Starrick who controls the London division of the Templars. In the opening cutscene, Assassin Henry Green states “Whoever controls London controls the world” and indeed, being the man pulling the strings behind the world's most powerful empire does make a man dangerous. However, it's not a simple matter of running up to him and stabbing him in the streets. Starrick controls London through his gang known as the Blighters who control various districts in London. In order to get to Starrick, Jacob and Evie will have to free each of the districts from the controlling gang leader.

This is where story starts turning into gameplay. Each district is separated into smaller districts. So say Whitechapel is a district and the area is cut up into pieces that hold different missions. The missions are: freeing children from factories, finding and kidnapping high ranking gang members and delivering them to the police, finding and killing high ranking gang members/templars, or taking control of a Blighter controlled stronghold and possibly saving members of your own gang from their clutches. Each district has several of these and by completing these sub challenges, you'll eventually have the opportunity to face off against the gang leader and a small assembly of their mooks to finally cement your control of the district.

The gameplay:

The Assassin's Creed series is very similar to Call of Duty where it will have the exact same base gameplay but throw in a few different mechanisms in an attempt to distinguish it from the predecessor.

For what it's worth, the core AC gameplay isn't bad, and they've improved some things from Unity such as having a button prompt to enter a building when climbing to avoid leaping all around a window but never getting in it. If you have played one AC game, even the earliest, you've played them all.

However, they have tried a few things with Unity that have translated into this game. A small but welcomed change was free running down where rather than having to play the drop-grab-drop game of scaling down buildings, the character will descend just as quickly as s/he climbs up.

As for the new mechanics, there's a few small ones and a few large ones. The large ones are carriage driving, gangs, and the zipline.

Carriages: Carriage driving is fairly fun and thankfully doesn't fall into any BS pitfalls. In a game where you can lose if you intentionally kill civilians (but sadly, you can't kill the kids), it's good that Ubisoft didn't implement this into the driving sections where you might accidentally (or not so accidentally) mow down hoards of people. The steering is fairly tight but occasionally the carriage can wobble from one side of wheels to the other. This however isn't so much an issue. The horses are invincible to everything but your bullets and knives and you can mow down everything but fences, buildings, statues, and large trees.

The only major issue I have is that you constantly have to press (a) button to keep the horses as maximum speed. I feel it would have been a lot easier just to be able to hold (a) similar to how every other driving game works. Even at max speed they're simple to control. It would also mean I won't have to hear Evie yell “Come on! Keep moving! Faster!” on my way from one side of the map to the other. (She's a dick to horses)

Gangs: They're an alright addition but since I was going for a 100% run as far as the missions go, I didn't use them that often because some of the additional challenges might be ruined by them (such as killing an enemy a certain way, not being spotted, etc) Ubisoft wasn't lying when they said if you recruit multiple members, get in a carriage, and if there's not enough room the remaining members will steal a carriage and follow. However, at times I felt they were a tad bit slow. They also follow you up and down buildings and if there's a path available, across the river as well.

I don't think I've played with them enough to form a truly solid opinion on the matter.

Zipline: This is actually a welcomed addition but one that came at the cost of the first hour of gameplay.

Initially I've found getting from one street to another to be a bit of a hassle. In all the other AC games, buildings are either close enough together to leap from one side to the other or there's a convenient rope stretching from one side to the other for me to run across. Alas in the wide streets of London, that's not the case. So the first hour of gameplay was rather slow because of that.

When I got the zipline however, things sped up. It can reach up to incredible heights and the game tells you this by having the first mission with it involving you zipping all the way to the top of Big Ben in less than a minute. It can stretch far horizontally as well (as apparent by that very same mission).

To use it, look in a certain direction and a button prompt on the screen will tell you where you're able to use the zipline. I found it works quite well and don't think Its messed up during the gameplay. If you need to zipline up, the button prompt will be on the top of the screen.

My only complaint is it's still a bit tedious getting from building to building. If you need to go from point A to point B, it's easier to jump down and steal a carriage rather than zipline from roof to roof. However for smaller areas such as the gang stronghold missions, it's a welcome addition that adds a slight bit of new strategy since you can stick to the roofs or quickly move across the area.

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Aside from the main story, you have to liberate various sections of London. The sections include Whitechapel, the Thames, Westminster, City of London, the Strand, Lambeth, etc. Each section has several Boroughs which in turn have their own missions. The missions include finding and kidnapping a Templar and taking him/her to the police, killing a specific templar, child liberation, and gang strongholds.

Templarnapping: Of all the missions, I think I enjoyed them the least. Possibly because it seemed like there were more of them than the others and it got somewhat tedious. First you use eagle vision to locate your target who will be in yellow rather than the usual red for enemies. You kidnap people by walking up to them without being noticed and pressing B. A ring forms around you and can expand or shrink depending on how fast or slow you go. The slower you go, the smaller the ring. When you first kidnap someone, be aware that the ring expands completely before shrinking down so if that person is by any other enemies, they'll know. When you have someone kidnapped, you're able to walk in enemy territory without being noticed so long as no enemies step in the ring.

When you get them out of their territory, the game wants you to shove the enemy in a carriage and drive them to a point for the police to take. I've found it's easier to just walk (well, jog) them there since it's usually only 100/200 meters away. When they're shoved in a carriage, there's a chance an enemy carriage will spawn and chase after you which might end up taking more time than just going on foot.

If you're noticed by the target, they will try to run away. You can tackle them and capture them but if they get in a carriage and get too far away, the mission fails so be careful about that. Also for 100%, the target has to be brought back alive.

Gang strongholds: A borough's is considered enemy territory and in it are several Blighters you need to kill. You have to kill all of them to win and occasionally they'll have a few of your Rooks captured which you'll need to free and keep alive for 100%. Also one or two of them have a set of plans you need to burn.

With throwing knives, this is a very easy mission but really, they're quite OP and make a lot of missions easy. Killing them is fun and trying to do so without being detected is a nice little challenge.

I'd recommend not freeing your Rooks or killing the person watching over them until the end since they can get in the way (or die, thus ruining the 100% and requiring you to start over). For the plans I'd immediately scout them out first. You can find them using eagle vision. It shows up as the table they're sitting on.

Templar Hunt: Like the gang stronghold, there's an area that's enemy territory and several blighters walking around. However this time rather than killing everyone, you only need to kill one guy. Again using eagle vision, you can scout the prick out who will appear in yellow rather than red.

It's as simple as using a throwing knife if you're not up for a 100% run but if you are, I'd recommend killing everyone around him/her first. Especially if you need to use the environment like having a police officer kill the target or dynamite.

They're fun and I honestly wish there were more of them.

Child liberation: The second least favorite mission in my opinion. Not bad but again, I feel like there's a disproportionate amount of them compared to the gang strongholds and templar hunts.

You find a factory and there's several children working inside. The children are paired in groups of three so if the mission involves saving 12 children, you need to find 4 of the groups and press (b) when you're close.

100% involves not having the alarm bells in the area rung which you can do by either sabotaging them like in previous games or killing everyone in the area...like previous games. There was one time I was on the ground floor right next to them and absolutely swarmed by Blighters who were trying to ring the bell and every time they got to it, I stabbed them off. That was fun, but a good run involves not being seen.

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When you've cleared all the boroughs, the gang leader for that section appears and challenges you to fight. Usually they run away, giving you only so much time to kill them. Whether or not you kill them, there's a 'large' fight of 10 or 12 enemies and a handful of your own guys duking it out for one final attempt at the district.

There was one time where the game glitched out. Normally when the head Templar appears and challenges you, the game 'freezes' where an in game cutscene plays and you're unable to control your character. However after clearing only two missions in Westminster, the leader appeared and for whatever reason, I was able to run up to her, tackle her, and stab her. This has not happened in any of the other districts.

After these gang fights, the district is yours. Blighters still appear and a few very small areas are enemy territory for the radiant missions.

–

Additionally, there's a few other smaller missions. The two bigger...smaller missions are the fight clubs and races, hosted by Robert Topping whom you meet during Evie's first mission.

Races: They're okay. There's four types: lap races, A to B, train race, and triathlon.

Lap races are fairly fun. There's only one I needed to do twice. They real key is getting to first and when you're there, it's pretty easy to stay there. Many times you can drive in front of an enemy and cause them to turn into an oncoming carriage or a building.

A to B: Straight shot to the end. These were a bit more fun in my opinion simply because the environment kept changing. They're not super long, but fun.

Race the train: Don't be fooled. You're actually racing a timer which shows how long it will take for the train to arrive at its destination. Maintain a constant speed and you should be good.

Triathlon: This is the most interesting race. There's carriage driving, running and climbing on foot...and running and climbing on foot but on the boats in the Thames.

One thing I wonder is how much of these races are set up the same each time (carriage placement, people placement, etc) and how much is random.

A complaint I have goes back to what I mentioned earlier by constantly having to mash (a) to maintain a constant speed. If that was not a part of the game I think it would be a lot smoother.

Another thing I'm no fan of is the rubber banding the NPCs do in the races. I'm no fan of the mechanic in general because it feels like the game has to cheat in order to keep the challenge up. In my personal opinion if you get so far ahead of the enemies they can't even see you, that should be fair game because you've utilized the environment and gameplay better than the game itself. I did very well with the races so it was kind of annoying to look down at my map and see them far away and then look again a few seconds later and see they've gone turbo and wounded up right behind me.

Fight clubs: They're pretty fun when you get the right strategy. Easy fight clubs you just wail away but for the hardest fight club, wait until a flash of yellow appears above the enemy head and press (Y) to counter. You can get one or two hits in before they block. If another enemy behind you has yellow above their head, press (Y) and tilt the control stick toward that enemy to counter them even if you're mid punch against another guy.

Doing this ensures you won't get hit which can be quite costly on the higher difficulties especially since they usually get 2 or 3 hits in and there's another enemy right there. So using this strategy, even if there's 4 enemies right by you in the ring, you should be safe.

One thing I liked is how the environments changed depending on the level. For lower level matches the fights were underground in these shitty makeshift rings but for the highest levels, they were in proper buildings with proper arenas. However, you still fight the same enemies all the same.

When you're a high level fighting a low level fight, you can one or two shot all the enemies.

One time an enemy got stuck behind the fence. I was unable to punch him but he punched me a few times when I was trying to.

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Now for the real game story. I should mention that I completed all of the above before getting far into the main story meaning I was quite overpowered by the end of it with all the upgrades and skills I was able to unlock.

The story in my opinion is quite lackluster. I don't find it very impactful and its filled with missed opportunities and aspects that make it seem as if Ubisoft is afraid to be controversial.

For example, chapter 4 involves Jacob investigating a product called Starrick Soothing Syrup which is an opium laced fraudulent medicine. I'm going to list off some historical figures who appear in the game and if you haven't seen any spoilers, I want you to guess who's also involved in that mission: Florence Nightingale, Charles Darwin, Charles Dickens, Karl Marx, Queen Victoria, Fredrick Abberline.

You probably guessed Florence Nightingale since she was actually involved in medicine, but no, it's Charles Darwin. Nightingale's involved in one mission in a chapter and the final optional Darwin mission, but alas when investigating fraudulent medicine the one historical figure who's best known for her work in medicine isn't involved. Instead it's the guy who dropped out of med school.

Now you can say this is minor and sure, maybe it is. There's not a lot I can truly bitch about if I get to spend quality bro-time with Charles Darwin in a video game. But other aspects I feel are more damning. For example, in the trailers and promotional material, Jacob was basically ranting and raving about how shit capitalism is and how the working class is getting screwed over despite the age of supposed progress.

Remember when I mentioned Karl Marx earlier? He's in the game. Can you guess how many story missions he's involved in? None. All of his missions are completely optional and even if you do them, the game takes place when he chilled the fuck out about revolution and uprisings so he's no more controversial than Bernie Sanders. I kind of feel as if the AC games have lost their balls at this point, preferring to pander to modern sensibilities and not being too frank about the less good aspects of history.

For example, they completely got rid of prostitutes in the game despite them existing in the Victorian era. They have an openly transexual character for seemingly no other reason than to fill a diversity quota since you know, that's something that would happen in Victorian London. I suppose they needed to have one so they can justify including “multiple sexualities and gender identities” in their long irrelevant caveat before the game starts informing the player about how many different kinds of people are involved in the game. They wanted to fill a diversity quota, it's ironic that London was the trading capital of the world and they could have had plenty of minorities in the ports.

Assassin's Creed 2's final mission involved you trying to kill the pope. I don't think any aspect of Syndicate comes close to that level of controversy. The “capitalism is evil” message is not only one that has been done in tons of other video games, movies, and books, but many other sources are a lot more gritty, brutal, and honest about it. It's no longer controversial.

Despite Darwin being in the game, the fact that human evolution was made up by the Templars is never brought up. He's not aware of the assassin/templar war despite attempts on his life being made nor are any of the other historical figures other than Victory. Like Karl Marx spent his life trying to figure out the overcompensating repetitions that occur in every society in history and somehow he never comes across this underground war.

Some stuff just doesn't make sense. When Jacob kills a Templar, it ruins whatever industry was involved in. Dr John Elliotson was involved in the medical industry making that fraud medicine. When Jacob kills him...suddenly the medical industry collapses? How does killing a minor historical figure who in the game is just a con artist collapse the entire medical industry of London?

The fact that this has never been a problem for any of the other assassins is also something to question. Ezio, Connor, Edward, and Arno all killed politicians and some of them incredibly high ranking but Jacob kills a con artist, a thief, etc and suddenly the whole city's fucked?

The ending was just abysmal. Throughout the game, Jacob and Evie are looking for the Shroud of Eden which is a cloth you can wrap on yourself that heals any wound near instantly. At the start of the game you find out once more that in universe, you're some random prick playing video games and keep getting sucked into this dangerous conspiracy by the assassin's asking you to play through the memories of these historical assassins to figure out where this stuff might be located in the modern day.

So at the end of the game the modern assassin's find out where the shroud it but oh no, there's Templars. They fight but one of them gets shot and in response, the Assassin's run away letting the Templar get the shroud.

Oh fucking gee, if only there were literally a magical artifact right fucking there that could hear any wound instantly. Wouldn't that be fucking superb? Wouldn't that just be the bee's knees? If they literally could grab some magic alien bullshit, wrap it around the injured assassin, heal her, and be able to tank any more gunshots?

This is another non-ending right after Unity's non ending which was in turn after Black Flag's non ending.

It's not a game to play for the story.

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Jacob was a fairly interesting character. Evie in my opinion a bit less so but then again, she didn't get as much story time as Jacob and hers were partially bogged down by a crappy romance subplot. A lot of people have expressed dissatisfaction with the protagonist always being this rude 'don't play by the rules' young guy who joins the assassins and only after fucking up bad, learns what it truly means to be an assassin.

For what it's worth, Jacob and Evie were born into the brotherhood so we don't have to see an origin story. I felt they were best when arguing, but I would have liked Jacob to have better arguments. When she berates him about killing templars mindlessly, he could mention that's literally what the assassin's are supposed to do. Like that's literally what they're about. Instead they fall back on arguing about their father (who died before the game began) and his teachings.

Henry Green's alright. He actually would have been a very interesting character to play as before the Frye twins arrive considering the game establishes him as someone with all these connections throughout London. They're brought up every now and then throughout the game so it's not something mentioned and then dropped. It's again a shame he's bogged down with Evie in the romance subplot.

As for the historical characters, they're pretty alright. I don't know how most of them acted in real life. Darwin was always described as very friendly and easy to get along with which is what he was in the game. Richard Owen was always a bit of an asshole and sure enough, he was in the game.

It's a bit of a shame the game only takes place in 1868. I mean sure it makes Jacob and Evie probably the best assassin's since Altair considering they've done everything within a year and in the world's most powerful empire no less.

However, restricting it to only a year limits what can be done. For historical figures, especially enemies, you're pretty damned limited. I mentioned Richard Owen who is in the game, but isn't someone you kill. He could have a big role in controlling the science side of London and be a Templar, but instead he's only around long enough to tell Jacob that John Eliotson is making the fraud medicine.

It also restricts the story. 1868 was a fairly tame year for London. There weren't any major social reforms the Assassin's could be fighting for (including a reform on child labor which was passed before the game takes place thus making the whole issue fairly moot). Darwin that year released his oh so controversial book on variations of animals and plants under domestication. Karl Marx released Das Kapital (but don't worry, he doesn't mention it or anything)

Personally I think it would have been better if the game took place over 5 or 10 years just for the sake of having more interesting enemies and real history scenarios.

–

DLC: I only have the Darwin and Dickens Conspiracy and have not played any of the other DLCs. In my opinion, it's not really worth it. There's three missions, one of which seems like it was supposed to be part of the base game optional Darwin missions and the other two involve faking a guy's death and kidnapping some woman so he can pretend to fight you and look like a badass. Hardly the conspiracy.

I think if they had more missions of a similar fashion, it would have worked better. Have Darwin and Dickens telling you to pull the strings of various people's lives rather than just one guy and girl, but unfortunately that's not the case. In the trailer for the DLC, it was all clips from the base game.

–

Graphics: The graphics are pretty good in my opinion but I'm not as much a sticker for them. The textures on clothing and faces is very good but hair is a hurdle Ubisoft always trips on. Sometimes it's alright but other times, like Charles Dicken's facial hair, it's pretty poor.

The game uses in game cutscenes rather than pre-rendered cutscenes (as far as I know) and they still look good. If I'm wrong on this, someone point out so I can correct it.

I wish the nights in London lasted longer because that's one of the more beautiful times in the game. The street lamp's warm glow and dark skies work very well together.

As with every game, when you get in close to an object or asset, you can start to see the texture fall apart and look pixely. I believe it will be the next great graphical revolution when that's no longer an issue.

–

Music: The music in the game was made by Austin Wintory who might be best known for doing the music in the game Journey. It was a pleasant surprise hearing his involvement because Journey does have an excellent soundtrack and the guy does seem to have a passion for making good music in games.

The way the music is handled is it's based more on location and context than anything. Unfortuantely other than the fight music, I found the game to be mostly silent. When you go into a bar or some places outside you might hear someone singing and rarely when on the roofs you'll hear this soft opera music but a lot of it was unfortunately forgettable. I did enjoy Underground: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b8qKAmO1Mfc which played at the end.

Glitches: Glitches and Ubisoft go together like....Bethesda and glitches. While I thankfully didn't get a case of one of the characters looking like a Gunther Von Haegens art piece because his skin didn't load, there were a few bad glitches.

Some glitches can be funny. A post I made of some screen caps from the game involved a female NPC being stuck on top the carriage and couldn't be shaken off. That was funny and didn't break any gameplay since I was between missions. But here are some glitches that weren't quite funny.

In one case during a cutscene when the Assassin's first board their train hideout, Henry Green failed to load, resulting in a floating box and his voice coming out the aether. Alright, that's kind of funny but one may disagree and think it's simply bad.

Another glitch is when you reply missions, you'll spawn roughly where the mission begins but the effects on the screen would indicate you've died or desynchronized. The game then puts you in the white loading room for a few seconds and respawns you again in the death state. This cycles four or five times before sorting itself out.

–

Additional gripe

I'm no fan of the collectables/currency system in the game.

Collectables are a mixed bag. There's several, which I'm not fan of, but some are a bit more than items you just collect with no reward. The collectables are: flowers, posters, helix glitches, bottles, chests, golden chests, royal letters, and several music boxes with disks in them to unlock OP armor.

For the flowers, posters, glitches, and bottles, it adds stuff to your database. Flowers tells you what the plant represents, posters unlocks images drawn in the 19th century, glitches unlocks letters from the past, bottles unlocks Shawn Hasting's review of various beers, and the letters unlock (I presume) real letters to and from Queen Victoria. As mentioned before, the music boxes lead to the unlocking of OP armor.

Chests meanwhile gives you money and materials and golden chests give you rare materials and schematics you can craft.

I will be fully honest and say I have no gotten all of the glitches or chests (gold or otherwise) so I don't know the full story behind them.

Having some collectables can be fun and it's even better if it gives you a little reward like historical pictures or letters to look at. However having too many turns it into padding. The music boxes, for example, take the place of the parkour courses from the Ezio trilogy. Since those games, getting the armor has turned into a prop hunt. When I finally did find all the boxes, the armor I already unlocked was fairly superior to the supposedly OP armor which gave you slightly more resistance.

Another issue is with currency which involves actual money (pounds), materials, and skill points. Skill points upgrade your character. Money and materials upgrade your gang, items, or are used in just buying things. The issue with materials is that some stuff may be restricted unfairly because of them.

To craft some weapons and armor and upgrades, you need special materials which you unlock by completing missions or find randomly in a chest. Why the game shows you the armor/tool/upgrade before you're able to actually use it I don't know. It says the item is available to buy or craft but then says you're unable to because you lack the special item.

For example, completing all of Robert Topping's missions give you a special cane sword but despite doing all the races and fighting all the fights, I wasn't able to actually get it because I haven't found the special material which turns out to have been locked inside a golden chest in a train station somewhere.

It's just artificially drawing out the game at that point. If I unlock something, at most have it something I need to purchase but having the player play easter egg hunting for golden chests is just nonsense. I still haven't unlocked the upgrade for poison darts because I haven't found whatever chest that's located in.

Sometimes simpler is better and when it comes to this crafting/upgrade system, it's time to tone it back a bit.

–

Anyways, it's a fairly alright game despite its flaws. Certainly one to get on a sale but I don't think I can quite recommend at a full 60 dollars. Maybe more 45. It was fun exploring the center of one of my favorite time periods and running into some of the more interesting people from history but unfortunate that the game doesn't seem to commit to standing out trying something different or exciting with it.

#Assassin's Creed Syndicate #Ubisoft #Review #Video Games

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eds-zebra-warrior · 3 years ago

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2021 Ehlers Danlos Society Awareness Month (Day 22 Prompt: Proudest Moment)

Choosing a proudest moment is actually kind of tricky. Four come to mind so I will discuss those. The first one was when I was 13 and I don't even know that I would call it proud because I didn't talk about it for a long time. I honestly think this one is more of being in the right place at the right time and just doing the right thing but I will discuss this regardless as its something not too many know about me or a story I talk about often.

I was working in Little Kids Space at the time. There was a little girl playing. I forget her age now but she was under the age of two. I want to say maybe I am 18 or 19 months old. The kids can't get out of the kids space so even though we encourage the parents to play with their kids and interact with them some will sit down and read while their kids play and not pay the best attention to them. They used to take track of how many kids a parent brought in too so they didn't come out with more than they went in with (kidnapping) Well the little girl's mom was in the bathroom so she wasn't watching her daughter. They do an amazing job with safety having special plugins that power won't go to unless the two or three prongs of a plug go into the socket at the same time so fingers in the outlets won't get electrocuted, adding bumpers to things etc.

Of course things happen and someone put a bean bag in front of the window and she got on the beanbag I think and climbed up onto the window seal. There was a little edge of an exhibit which held the control panel but a lot used it like a bench and it faced the window. In training we are told not to pick up a child no matter what. Well I was picking up balls at the ball pit and turned around and saw her in the window. A lady was beside her with another kid who I thought was her parents. I sat the ball grabber down and went over to ask her nicely to get down out of the window because it was dangerous. Right then the woman walked off with the other kid so I realized she was alone and started jogging over to the window. Another kid ran in front of me and dropped a toy coming to a dead stop to pick it up so I had to stop so I did not run over him. I glanced down at him to go to step around him and I heard “WACK” then this agonizing and almost screaming cry. The kind of crying where you know a kid is really hurt and not throwing a temper tantrum or needing a diaper change. High pitch screaming you can't really make a mistake. The little girl fell out of the window seal and hit her head on the bench and blood was gushing from her head so fast you could literally see it gushing more forcefully as her heart beat.

I took off running over to her and her mom came running out of the bathroom right behind me. Her mom was a total mess, not even sure what to do and too panicked to really do anything. I grabbed her up in my arms and pressed my hand against her head, ran into the bathroom and grabbed a ton of paper towels. Her moms just totally having a melt down and Ted who worked at the front gate and was an adult full time employee heard her screaming and came around the corner so I yelled for him to call 911 and he did. Her head was cracked open from the top of her head and slightly to the left side basically as far back on the top of her head as her ear, all the way down to her eyebrow so it was a good six inch slice and massive. I got her on the floor and yelled for a guest to pound on a door which was the employee door and tell them to bring out some T shirts, and ace wrap as fast as they could.

We had gauze and I didn't even know if the ace wrap would do anything but I did know that we had a ton of white t-shirts and grey sweatpants we will let kids borrow if they play in the water area and get their clothes wet. We will let them borrow clothes and will throw theirs in the dryer for them but we would wash all of our clothes in bleach after they were borrowed. We had some gauze, Band-Aids, ace wrap etc. that we kept in the play hospital for kids to play with but gauze weren’t going to do anything for this big of an injury so the bleached shirts were the first thing that came to mind. My co-worker came running out with a handful of t-shirts and ace wrap and of course she was paid staff too but was squeamish and about passed out so I grabbed the shirts and folded them putting them on her head and ended up not using the ace wrap but used a several of the T-shirts wadded up on her head and wrapped one as tight as I could around her head to hold the others tighter on her head and used one to try to wipe the blood from around her eyes, nose and mouth that had ran down her face put her between my legs and just pressed on her head as hard as I could to try to keep it closed until the squad came and tried to calm both the baby and the mom down as both were bawling. The paramedics came and took over, taking her to the hospital. After they left someone went downstairs and got me a new shirt and I got cleaned up while they cleaned up and coned off the whole area for housekeeping to clean up. I apologize for picking her up since we aren't supposed to do that and they said I did the right thing.

I came in to volunteer again a week later and everything was pretty normal. I came in the following week, two weeks after it happened and when I walked into the office they had a big cake and when I came in yelled congratulations, my boss came up and awarded me the gold star for going above and beyond the call of duty and told me my name will permanently be engraved on their wall. I had no clue what was going on and they read a letter to me that the paramedics had sent to them to give me saying that if it weren't for my prompt and professional action, based on her small size and the massive size of the would she would have never made it to the hospital if it weren’t for me and that they credited me fully for saving the little girl's life. A few weeks later I came to work and Ted told me that the mom came in with her daughter on a day I wasn't there and asked for me but since I wasn't there she wanted them to tell me thank you and how much it meant to her what I did and brought her daughter so I could see how she was doing but they said she was doing really well, happy, had a really big scar but other than that she was back to playing and being herself.

The second event also at COSI involved a project I was doing to better the building. They let me walk around the building for part of the day over two weeks, blind folded… well kind of; we spray painted a pair of goggles black. I used with a PVC tube to mimic a cane that someone uses that is blind to try to get an idea of what there isn't accessible to the blind community I came up with a huge list of ideas but of course, I’m not blind, well at least not with my glasses so I asked them to bring in a class of kids from the school for the blind and gave them a tour of the building. While there I took note of anything they thought wasn’t accessible to them. I also went home and researched technology and things being implemented at other places for the Blind.

They gave us a limit as to how much they would spend on our project and it's not a lot but I tried to pick several things I saw were the most needed. I narrowed down the list and had them purchase Six Audio Description Devices for their Extreme Screen Theater. I then decided we needed both a braille map of COSI and to label each area with braille signs. I wanted to do either braille or audio descriptive devices for all of the exhibits but that wouldn't fit into the money allotted for the project so we had to go cheap with little stick on braille signs for things like the bathroom, stairs, exhibition entrances, stairs, elevator etc. I had a little bit left and you know, good to the last drop. In Little Kids Space they had Rat Basketball but children who were blind couldn't really enjoy a bunch of rats running around an empty fish tank and throwing a ball in a hoop. You couldn't touch them or anything, just heard a bunch of kids yelling and rooting for their favorite mouse and the sound of the little orange ping pong ball with holes in it hitting the floor of the fish tank when the mice put it in the hoop so I wanted something they could enjoy.

At the time Kids Space was only open for kids in kindergarten or younger so I had to make it something fairly basic for a kid to understand so I made a science of touch box and tried to make it like a game where two kids compete against each other like rat basketball was a game where they had to put their hands in the box and guess what the item was before they pulled it out. The same exhibit also had another set of boxes that were interchangeable where you could reach in and try to pull out two things that felt similar like a mini basketball which has the little bumps on it and a fake orange which felt very similar with the little raised bumps. I added some fun things to feel in there like snake skin, rabbit fur and slime. It was pretty basic and cheap but I felt that they needed at least one show for little kids space that a child who is blind can participate in.

When I was done I turned in a extensive list of things like the braille exhibit signs or audio description signs. During my research, I found out there was an airport that wanted to make it easier for the blind to navigate and installed a steel bar in the floor that was kind of like a little lip a cane can fit into. The person who is blind can place their cane in it and it will keep them walking on a straight path down the hall with little notches to indicate where there were halls or doors for other rooms so they knew where to turn but I loved the idea of that combined with the braille, 3D map. In adventure I wanted their letters for their secret language to have like a clear puff paint put on them to make them tactile friendly and a bunch of other ideas.

After I completed the project they brought the school for the blind back to both try the changes I made. With only six audio description devices they had to share and I hoped for them to get more later but they just used ear buds to share them and six was better than none. I also reviewed my list of ideas with them but what makes me proud is that they continued to utilize the list even long after I left and I have seen a lot of the more expensive things added like the braille and audio description on a lot of the signs at the exhibits. That metal guide rail was installed, before I even left someone created a 3D, braille map. But it makes me proud that they took my ideas and continued to implement them even years after I had left.

The third moment was about a year after my grandma died. It was close to Christmas. My mom and I were a little depressed because we used to always like buying gifts for my great grandma and this was going to be our first Christmas without her and honestly even more depressing because she passed away 2 days after Christmas. We went grocery shopping at Kroger and were picking up some things at the pharmacy when we heard two little old ladies talking in the isle beside the one we were in… I guess you can say where were eavesdropping but one of the women was talking about how bad she needed a walker and they were both saying how they did not have the money for one, how bad the one needed it and debating what to do and how to save up for it to make it affordable. One kept saying how she wished she could afford it and would help the other out if she could and talking about how low their social security is and how sad it is to work all your life and to get such low checks.

My mom and I went another isle over and were talking and it's funny because we both had the same idea. My mom asked if I would think she was crazy if she bought it for them and I was like “What? I was about to ask you if it was okay if I bought it for her. I feel bad she needs a walker and can't get it. We somewhat argued about it for a minute the whole, I'll pay for it, no I'll pay for it, no me, no me kind of thing lol but eventually we decided to split the cost if the woman would take it. These two women were total strangers to us but we always got Grandma gifts and had just been talking about how depressing it was not to get her something this year so we almost felt like it was meant to be, like grandma would have wanted us to help another grandma, like adopt a grandma for Christmas so that's what we did.

We went and talked to them, found out they were sister in laws and the younger one was 98 years old and the older one who needed the walker was 104 years old. At first she told us no that she didn't want us to buy her a walker but how nice it was for us to offer but after explaining that my moms grandma, my great grandma had passed away almost a year ago and this is our first Christmas without her, the first time not getting her a gift etc. and how we wanted to do it because it would help us too because it would help to get a gift for a grandma even if it's not our grandma so she agreed to let us get one. They kept them behind the pharmacy counter but they had pictures and things to look at. She was looking at them. There I think were three different ones, two that were just regular old grey walkers and one cherry apple red rollator with a seat on it and a basket where you can store stuff. We noticed every time she looked at it her eyes lit up but she kept pointing to the least expensive one and saying she wanted that one.

We kept asking if she was sure she didn't want the rollator telling her our grandma had one, since its on wheels you don't have to pick it up when you walk, we told her if she's at the store like she is now and gets tired it has a padded seat she can sit on and take a little break, we told her about the basket and how if she didn’t want to carry her purse she could push it around in the basket and how grandma gave up a purse all together and would just put her wallet in there, her medicine, blood pressure machine and all kinds of stuff and if she went shopping with us she would just stack the shirts or pants she wanted right on the seat and could push it around, that its not very heavy and easy to get in and out of the car and such. She kept saying no and the lowest price one was good enough for her but when we were describing it she was just looking at the picture smiling away so we said okay and we would get her the least expensive one and told them they could take a seat while we paid for it, went up to the pharmacy counter.

They Pharmacy technician asked if they could help us and we were like “Yeah, can we get the red rollator with the seat lol. We paid for it and came back and showed her and she started crying saying in all her 104 years she has never had anyone do something like this for her, how beautiful it was, how red is her color and we didn't have to get her that one because she knows it's more expensive we told her we could tell she really liked it though and she finally admitted she did like it the best but knew she didn't really need all of the bells and whistles, we told her she would use them and we really thought this would would help her a lot more because we know our grandma, even at home you would see her in the kitchen cooking and sitting on her little rollator seat while she waited for her pot to boil or while she had food in the microwave and we really thought she would use those bells and whistles.

She ended up asking for our address so she could write to us every now and then so we kind of did get two grandmas that day in her and her sister in law. On the way out we noticed they checked out right before us and were loading their car. They laughed thinking it was funny they ran into us again so we put their groceries in the car for them and opened the rollator, put it together for them and showed her sister in law how light it was, how to open and close it and how to get it in the car. We got letters from them every year around Christmas after that for about four years, then they quit coming so I’m assuming they lived to be 102 and 108 or possibly the one lived to be 108 and the other quit writing but you never know.

The fourth which is rather short since I already explained a lot about this situation in past posts but I used to work at a long term care facility for children with severe to profound physical and intellectual disabilities. They broke so many codes and there was a lot of neglect that took place there from the staff. I ended up quitting because it got so bad but I grew really attached to those kids while I was there. They quickly become like your own children so when I left I contacted the Department of Developmental Delays, Children's Services, the Medical Board and Department of Health and Human Services to report them, one in particular said they would make an anonymous visit and next thing I knew I got a call from the place I worked telling me how much trouble I got them in and telling me I was banned from their facility and never to come back.

Why does this make me proud? I feel like I did the right thing. These kids deserved a lot better care than they were providing them, especially the ones who had parents in other states who rarely visited or the ones who were ward to the state. I would like to hope that what I did changed things for the better and gave those kids the care and attention they deserve.

#MyEDSChallenge #MyHSDChallenge

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myfinancialguideme-blog · 5 years ago

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6 Finance Trends Impacting Millennials & How You Can Use Them To Save $ Betches

New Post has been published on https://financeguideto.com/must-see/6-finance-trends-impacting-millennials-how-you-can-use-them-to-save-betches/

6 Finance Trends Impacting Millennials & How You Can Use Them To Save $ Betches

Adulting is hard af. You don’t have someone to make your lunch for you every day or clean up the house. You need to take out the trash yourself, and don’t get me started on paying the bills. In 2019, the state of our personal finances has drastically changed from when our parents were young. Sometimes for the worst, but sometimes for the better. Alexa von Tobel, the founder of Inspired Capital and New York Times bestselling author, sums up the six biggest financial trends in her new book, Financially Forward: How To Use Today’s Digital Tools To Earn More, Save Better, and Spend Smarter, out now. She lays out where we’re losing money (oy vey) and how we can save more (thank the lord). Her book is a much-needed reality check, and can teach you how to not be broke by the time you reach 50. (And it isn’t just about cutting back on the drinking. I hope.) Here are the top six finance trends and advice outlined in von Tobel’s book, and how you can use those trends to your advantage.

Trend #1: We’re Living Longer

It’s no shocker that we are living longer than 50 years ago. Science (and my killer wrinkle-reducing night cream) tends to do that. While only 12% of the population was over 65 in 2000, it is estimated that 20% of Americans will be 65 or older by 2050. She says, “the majority of us underestimate the average life expectancy. This may sound like no big deal, but underestimating how long you might live can also mean underestimating how much money you’ll need to live comfortably after you retire.” So while you may think investing in those designer shoes is fine now, think about when you’re 75 and homeless. At least you’ll have cute shoes, right?

Living longer also means that we’re retiring later. The average life expectancy for an American woman is 81.1. So while some people retire at 65, a study by Northwestern Mutual found that 38% of people wait until they are in their 70s. Additionally, von Tobel says that “the idea of a completely work-free retirement is a bit of a myth for today’s retirees.” Just think of those cute old people working as greeters at Walmart.

Advice: Build your financial plan with the assumption that you will live well past 65. Alexa recommends assuming you’ll live to 95. But if your family members have lived to be over 100, assume you will too and plan accordingly. Also, consider the idea of working part-time once you retire.

Trend #2: Family Structures Are V Different

Our families are no longer the 1950s sitcom version of the average American family: husband and wife. picket fence, 2.5 kids (WTF is 2.5 kids?). But how are our families changing? For starters, we are getting married later. In the 90s, women and men would get married, on average, at 24 and 26, respectively. Although my great aunt never fails to remind me that she had already had four kids at my age, Americans are now waiting until their late 20s to get married. Similarly, “DINK” Status is very much a thing (dual-income, no kids) since people are shacking up before getting hitched. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, “combining your finances with a second earner leads to more money in the bank.” Well, no duh. The thing is, not only do you have more money in the bank, but you tend to save money as well (just under $7,000 a year). Anyone down to move in with me and we can split the savings?

But on the costlier side of our changing family structures, there is the cost of raising children. In 2015, the cost of raising a child from birth to 17 (not including college), was about $233,000. That doesn’t even factor in if you need costly treatments to help you get pregnant. For IVF, costs have sky-rocketed from 10 years ago, increasing by $3,600 for one round of treatment, according to Jake Anderson-Bialis, co-founder of FertilityIQ. That means a single round of treatment usually costs more than $10,000. However, most people do two or three treatments, which drastically increases the price. Finally, there is the concept of the “Sandwich Generation,” aka you might end up living with or financing your kids and your parents at the same time. Joy.

Advice: Speak openly with your family about costs. Before your parents are too far down the rabbit hole (sorry), discuss what savings they have for long-term care. Make sure to keep all these different family-related costs in mind when you’re figuring out savings. The best rule of thumb is always to plan ahead.

Trend #3: Our Earning Potential Is Flexible

Have you ever gotten an urgent message from your boss late at night to do something before the next morning? Or gotten a call to come into work early? Hate to break it to you, but this is the new normal. The majority of jobs are no longer a basic 9-5. And for many people, holding one job just doesn’t cut it anymore. 40% of independent workers have a side hustle to make some extra cash for savings or for a big purchase, like a house. Others (16%) do it out of necessity. Then there are the “free agents” like freelancers or Uber drivers. 30% are in this field because they like the flexibility, while others want a full-time job but are using this as their primary income at the moment.

Advice: Use side hustles to your advantage. Figure out what you want and use the flexibility of part-time work to reach your goals easier and quicker.

Trend #4: Our Career Paths Are Fluid, And Sabbaticals Are In

What’s great about our generation is that we are indecisive have the flexibility to change career paths if we are unhappy or want different opportunities. On average, those who graduated college from 2006 to 2010 have held twice as many jobs as people who graduated between 1986 and 1990 did in the same amount of time. But people aren’t just changing companies, they are also changing entire career paths. According to von Tobel, there is “no such thing as it being ‘too late’ to pursue an entirely new path.”

Like those adorable matching sets every girl on Instagram wears during the summer, sabbaticals are in. Think of it as an “adult gap year”. It’s all about increasing your learning, and whatever other BS your university guidance counselor told you about your year abroad. But while taking an extended vacation may seem like the best thing ever a load of crap, employers are getting on board. Hear me out. Over a three-year period, those who took more than 10 vacation days were 31% more likely to get a bonus or raise compared to those who took fewer than 10 days off.

Advice: If you’re deciding on whether to take a job, check out the company’s policy with regards to taking time off work. You should also plan ahead with your finances if you’re able to. If you can, allow yourself the funds to take that time off work.

Trend #5: Everything Is On-Demand

Our lives today are all about instant gratification. I’m not going to lie that I don’t get annoyed when my Uber takes longer than 5 minutes to arrive or my Amazon Prime package doesn’t come the next day. Patience is non-existence. While 22% of people shopped online in 2000, 80% shop online today. Crazy. Since nothing is off-limits, there is tons of competition, which keeps the prices (fairly) low. The best part of having everything accessible to us? Saving money. As someone who loves a good deal, being able to compare prices of the same product at different stores is the best feeling. Like, sex is cool, but saving $50 is better.

Advice: von Tobel says that while this is great, impulse shopping is dangerous. So beware.

Trend #6: Forget Ownership. Sharing is Caring

If I told my mom that I was staying in a stranger’s house when I traveled Europe last year, or regularly get into randos’ cars, she would have a heart attack. But today, Airbnb and Uber are the new normal. These services allow us to save money by sharing stuff and make money by letting others borrow it. And who needs a car in a busy city when you basically have your own chauffeur? These services allow us to cut down on what we have (Marie Kondo is so in and von Tobel approved) and save $$$. You also can stream movies and show online, instead of buying DVDs (or VHSs … yikes) and even borrow clothes instead of buying a dress you’ll wear once.

Advice: Keep on sharing!

For more of Alexa’s financial advice, pick up a copy of Financially Forward: How To Use Today’s Digital Tools To Earn More, Save Better, and Spend Smarter, out now.

Images; Giphy (5)

Read more: https://www.betches.com

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douchebagbrainwaves · 6 years ago

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WHERE TO BE AN ANGEL INVESTOR

People can notice you've replaced email when it's a fait accompli. Without the helplessness that makes kids cute, they'd be no worse than going to visit your in-laws. Most are interested in you if you actually start in that mode. Marketplaces are so hard to get money. It must once have been inhabited by someone fairly eccentric, because a if you use a more powerful language you can get. But I think the reason I made such a mystery of business was that I was looking for an old Raleigh three-speed in good condition, and sent me an email offering to sell me one, I'd be delighted, and yet he knows what language you should write it in. For programmers we had three additional tests. For example, we were taught to regard political leaders as saints—especially the recently martyred Kennedy and King. Most people can coexist with alcohol; but you have to think without interruption. If you don't put users first, and then gradually switch to less manual methods. So by studying the ways adults lie to kids.

Now, how could that be true? The reason startups have been using more convertible notes in angel rounds is that they probably will, one day. And if Battery Ventures hadn't turned down Facebook, Boston would be significantly bigger now on the startup radar screen. Good procrastination is avoiding errands to do real work. Erdos was particularly good at this. Hamming suggests that you ask yourself three questions: What are the most important problems in their field. Barring some cataclysm, it will take three times as long to write—and you can't get around this by hiring more people, because beyond a certain size new hires are actually a net lose. Try to get yourself to work on small problems than big ones. We thought so when we started ours, and we made the mistake of trying to start a startup? And investors can tell fairly quickly whether you're a domain expert by how well you answer their questions.

Garbage-collection. I occasionally meet founders who seem to believe startups are projectiles rather than powered aircraft, and that could be described as a marketplace usually has to start in a small market that will either turn into a big one or from which you can move into a big one or from which you can move into a big one. 116539136 california 0. I were going to make money. But in retrospect that too was the optimal path to dominating microcomputer software. But wait, here's another that could face even greater resistance: ongoing, automatic medical diagnosis. One of the worst things that can happen to a startup is more than you'd endure in an ordinary working life. Economic statistics are misleading because they ignore the value of the code we'd written so far. Keep doing it when you start fundraising, the most common types of advice we give at Y Combinator is to do something beyond just reading some text? They do it by feeding the cat, going out to buy something they need for their apartment, meeting a friend for coffee, checking email. Who knew?

Even other hackers have a hard time grasping and Steve himself might have had a moral courage that's lacking today. That is the big win in the end. That's made harder by the fact that communication is so much faster now. In a startup, don't feel that it has to look professional. If you want to get anything done. If it's not what you want to win through better technology, aim at smaller customers. Empirically the way you get a couple million dollars from a VC firm, you tend to feel rich. So when I say it would take to create a named function to return.

Like most startups, we changed our plan on the fly. It can be dangerous to delay turning yourself into a company, because one or more of the founders might decide to split off and start another company doing the same thing. 01 example 0. But when you import this criterion into decisions about technology, and we didn't need any help with those. Expressing the language in its own data structures turns out to have selfish advantages. Whereas a two year old company raising a series A round needs to be a belief in government. When is Java better and when is C?

My final test may be the most restrictive. The cost of an interruption is not just a permissible technique for getting growth rolling. Do they want me to do something that didn't matter. The popular image of the visionary is someone with a clear view of the future, it will seem barbaric that people in 100 years will still be living in the same language as the OS. If you look at it from the rich people's point of view, the picture is more encouraging. That's not hard for engineers to grasp. And that's also a sign that one is a good thing for investors that this is the best way to do really big things seems to be a belief in government. More things we like too much.

The Selling of the President 1968, Nixon knew he had less charisma than Humphrey, and thus simply refused to debate him on TV. I realize how crazy all this sounds. We also thought we'd be able to explain. The Selling of the President 1968, Nixon knew he had less charisma than Humphrey, and thus taught discipline, or at least, that I'm using abstractions that aren't powerful enough—often that I'm generating by hand the expansions of some macro that I need to write. McCarthy said later, Another way to show that Lisp was first discovered by John McCarthy in 1958, computers were refrigerator-sized behemoths with the processing power of a wristwatch. I thought it was preposterous to claim that a couple thousand lines of code, which was dictated largely by the hardware available in the late nineteenth century, the 'riting component of the 3 Rs was morphed into English. As E. As we were in the middle of building some merchant's site I'd find I needed a feature we didn't have, so I'd spend a couple weeks just watching what they do with it?

Like paying excessive attention to early customers, fabricating things yourself turns out to be as good an indicator of spam as any pornographic term. When and if you sell online you'd be stupid to use anyone else's software. What it amounts to, economically, is compressing your working life into the smallest possible space. There's no difference in the way fathers and mothers bought ice cream for their kids. At a first rate university this might include the top half of computer science majors. When you're too weak to lift something, you can tell them. I could do that now. Nearly all startups have to. They walk around feeling horribly evil for having used a swearword, while in fact most of the preceding 10 years I'd been able to work on. Like most startups, ours began with a group of employees go out to dinner together, talk over ideas, and then think about how to cure it.

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whatsonforperth · 6 years ago

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Treat us like a lump at your peril, Prime Minister

There we were thinking that we had dodged a right wing bullet by getting Morrison, then he invites Donald Trump to Australia. - Garry Humphrey, North Epping Loading If Morrison is to put together a credible frontbench that will appeal to voters at large he must leave the blinkered bunch on the right warming the back bench. Most Australians are convinced of the reality of climate change and we must elect people who acknowledge the science and are prepared to do whatever it takes to mitigate it. - Meg Vella, Berry Morrison, to show me you might be the PM we need, please appoint a Minister for Science. - Bill Forbes, Kippaxs The new message: a new generation of leaders? Coming after a week where this "new generation" was lifted to power through good, old fashioned factional manipulation rather than fresh thinking and meaningful policy on sustainable energy. Excuse me for my skepticism until we see government action to bring energy policy into the 21st century. - Chris Bilsland, Lane Cove As someone who lived in God's own country for 50 years and represented it in the NSW Parliament for six, I object to the way the new PM is described as a genuine son of the Shire. He is not. He is from the eastern suburbs and exhibits all the smugness to prove it. - Michael Egan, Surry Hills Morrison is the Liberal Party's answer to the Clayton's leader - the leader you have when you can't have the leader you want. - Carol Duddy, Gerringong If Morrison is to take anything from his predecessor, perhaps it should be that you must demonstrate a stand for something and if sometimes you must kneel to accept a compromise you must do so with the dignity. - Michael Wholohan, Darlinghurst To rebuild the image of the Liberal Party, Morrison needs to dump the conspirators that brought him to power rather than reward them with a ministry. - Frank Adshead, Mona Vale No Scott, you are not "on my side" ("Scott Morrison says he is on our side", August 26-27). I am an atheist, socialist, scientific evidence-based environmentalist. How in your wildest evangelical dreams could you possibly imagine that you and your Tory crew represent me? - Alynn Pratt, Killara I will grit my teeth and put up with ScoMo as PM until the next election, but it would be much easier to stomach if he stopped wearing that Australian flag lapel pin. - Nick Andrews, Vaucluse Bishop tops with voters, just not the Libs The real problem with Julie Bishop was her first name ("Julie Bishop quits as Foreign Minister, will likely retire from Parliament", August 26). The Liberals are still not ready for such a move and on present form will never be. - Tony Sullivan, Adamstown Heights In a recent public poll Bishop was at the top of the heap with nearly 40 per cent of the votes, but was eliminated in the first round of voting on Friday. Just another example of politicians not listening to their constituents. - David Hepple, Mount Austin After a career denying its existence, has Bishop finally seen the glass ceiling? -Toby Creswell, Newtown One of the reasons for the decline of the lofty ideals of the Parliament is the rise in the number of career politicians who know no other life, so their main focus is on holding their seats. We could solve that by mandating at least 50 per cent female politicians. - Clare Perry, North Epping Tom Switzer wants the new-generation leaders to prosecute the agenda of the "insurgents" who brought this shambles upon us ("Popular ideas can help Morrison unite a split party", August 25-26). What he doesn't seem to get is that the polls have shown that this is not the path that the majority of Australians wish the government to follow. - John Pick, West Pymble Switzer wants to ramp up the culture wars. He suggests Morrison resonates with "the decent conservative mainstream of Australia". I suggest a PM should resonate with all decent Australians, many of whom are progressive. Switzer urges freedom of speech and yet urges Morrison to take on metropolitan sophisticates who never vote Liberal. This is a tactic of conservatives to denigrate the sophisticated intellect of any thinking individual who may subscribe to an alternative view. In reality, this means free speech is good as long as it agrees with me. - Eric Williams, Blackheath Do any of our politicians have the courage to do what is right for this country and place this vision before profits and before political expediency ("Rise up and resist the leaders with no vision", August 25-26)? I would happily vote for a party that had a vision for a just and responsible Australia. - Nina Poulos, Berry The political assassination of Turnbull and his "sensible centre" by sections of the media, and the reactionary-right of the Coalition, is a body blow to Bob Menzies' liberalism. - Bob Barnes, Wedderburn Only the electors of Warringah can rid us of this turbulent wrecker, and only the sponsors of the media's shock jocks can rid us of their disruptive utterances. Educated malcontents are the greatest threat to stability. - Tony Lyons, Lithgow Time to clean up after all the blood on the floor Population: 25 million. Forty-five elect a new prime minister. - Peter Strand, Mosman Broad church or bloodied basilica? - Cleveland Rose, Dee Why A new collective noun for past prime ministers still living (Letters, August 25-26)? If we knew their lifelong entitlements from the public purse, most of the suggestions would be unprintable. - Ian Shepherd, Elizabeth Bay The whole country should be given free therapy. - Mary Julian, Glebe It seems we are better at changing prime ministers than we are at changing shopping bags. - Brian Johnstone, Leura The apt line from Yes, Minister is "if you want to stab someone in the back you have to be seen to be right behind them". - Ivan Head, Burradoo Memo to Aaron Sorkin: mate, it would be as good as The West Wing. - Dianne Brims, Morpeth And we can't even blame Russian interference. - Roland Dowling, Woolloongabba (Qld) Half of America is asking "Why can't we have their system?" - Michael Webb, Cromer Is it still appropriate for federal politicians to have the title of "honourable"? - Rajend Naidu, Glenfield When Federal Parliament resumes, can someone please remind the Libs that their opposition sits on the other side of the House. - Alan Kerr, Mudgee Farmers' despair in the firing line of city dwellers Having read Ross Gittins opinion on drought assistance and many comments supporting his view, I despair at how far removed some city people are from their food source ("Why handouts to farmers will be a waste of taxpayers cash", August 22). Gittins raised some good points about drought preparedness, and there are many examples of farmers who have managed the drought very well. These people will not be accessing any government money. There are some regions, however, that are in their third or fourth year of drought, and no amount of planning prepares you for nil income over that time. These farmers, some of the best in the industry, and the rural businesses and towns, could use help to get through to the next income-generating period. We provide 93 per cent of Australia's food supply and pay taxes. Maybe Gittins and his supporters should spend a week sourcing their own protein and nutrients instead of leaving it up to us to do it for them. - Daniel Vincent, Combara Perhaps it is as simple as some of the marginal lands should not have been farmed in the first place. Farmers cannot claim ignorance about Australian land quality and drought management, as there is a history of it. Modern agricultural schools in universities try to help and work out best practices. It is then up to the farmers how much they adopt and back up with proof how well new ideas do work. - Augusta Monro, Dural Given that NSW was declared in drought by the then Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull in order to give farmers relief, why is it that we have heard nothing from the Premier of NSW about water restrictions ("Best rain in months but definitely not drought-breaking", August 25-26)? Why do we not hear about encouraging renewable and sustainable power so we can help save our environment from further climate change? I am seeing too many people watering the concrete, washing cars on concrete rather than grass and other actions that were restricted during the last drought. The ponds in Centennial Park are almost dry which is dangerously affecting our wonderful wildlife who call the park home. Perhaps the Premier could stop focusing on development and start to care about our environment so we can still try and make Sydney and NSW a liveable place. - Kate Rowe, Maroubra The terrible drought that is devastating the bush is also hitting our cities, even if in a less dramatic manner trees and other plants in streets and parks will die unless there is prolonged rain soon. Before it is too late local councils should campaign to get residents to "adopt" a street tree near their home, or in a local park, and ensure that they are watered. In the long run it will save councils millions of dollars in plant replacements. - Derek Mortimer, Balmain AFL a model for rugby union It's not coach Cheika's fault and it's not the playing squad's fault that we often lose rugby matches to New Zealand ("Under-pressure Cheika is safe with options scarce", August 25-26). It's the size of the talent pool. Take a look at results for Australia v NZ in hockey, cricket and league. Same reason we consistently defeat them. Patiently grow the grassroots game in the cities and bush then the results will come. If the ARU isn't sure how, copy the AFL. - Andy Kelly, Yamba Trump slump The bad news: Donald Trump has predicted a market crash if he's impeached ("Impeach me and the market crashes, Trump says", August 24). The good news: it will probably only affect shares in hair dyes and sun-lamps. - Patrick McGrath, Potts Point Chaplain's rock Where does that sense of hope come from in knowing the chaplain is around ("Chaplains a rock for the worst kind of calls", August 25-26)? How is the chaplain able to provide in awful situations what is needed? From where do chaplains draw their strength? The Scriptures (the word of God), the world view this underpins and prayer. These should never be underrated or belittled by those who don't understand them. - Gordana Martinovich, Dulwich Hill We'll miss McCain Vale Senator John McCain. One of the few decent Republicans of these times ("'Honour, patriotism and service': John McCaindead", August 26). - Jerry Stiel, Lilyfield A shining beacon of steadfast principles and unimpeachable honour has died after a long and courageous health battle conducted with his usual immutable dignity. Vale Senator John McCain a true hero in every sense of the word. - Chris Roylance, Paddington (Qld) Banks in strife Couldn't happen to a nicer couple ("NAB, CBA recommended for criminal charges in commission findings", August 24). - John Richardson, Wallagoot Bridge too far It is absolutely right to criticise the apparent intended destruction of what little is left of historical significance in Windsor (Letters, August 23). For many years I have been of the opinion that, rather than force traffic through Bridge Street and destroy the existing bridge, simple logic would suggest that through traffic to the north be diverted into Pitt Town Road at McGraths Hill, and then through Pitt Town Bottoms Road, where at the river a new bridge could be constructed to join up with Wilberforce Road and thence on to Singleton. A quick look at Google Maps will reveal the simplicity of this, and I am not even a road planner. Perhaps, if our planners could divert their attention away for a moment from the long-standing disaster that is George Street they could look at this suggestion. - Ian Juniper, Artarmon Share a book I love books. I have an e-reader but discarded it ages ago (Letters, August 23). Why? Books don't need recharging or downloading by computer. They can be shared with friends and family, donated to charities where their circulation is guaranteed. They are warm in the hand and easily transported. Like the predicted death of realism in painting the death of books is vastly overstated. - Vicki Zvargulis, Corrimal https://www.watoday.com.au/national/nsw/treat-us-like-a-lump-at-your-peril-prime-minister-20180827-p4zzwx.html?ref=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_source=rss_feed

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iyarpage · 7 years ago

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Creator of Pixaki and Full-Time Indie iOS Dev: A Top Dev Interview With Luke Rogers

Creator of Pixaki app, Luke Rogers

Welcome to another installment of our Top App Dev Interview series!

Each interview in this series focuses on a successful mobile app or developer and the path they took to get where they are today. Today’s special guest is Luke Rogers.

Luke is the creator of the famous pixel art app Pixaki, which has been very successful over the years. Aside from this, you can spot Luke at many conferences speaking about his indie story.

Indie Developer

Luke, you have been an indie iOS developer for some time now. Can you tell me how it all started?

I was at university studying Computer Science when the iPhone came out — it was a pretty exciting time to be starting out in the tech industry. I also realized while I was studying that I really wanted to do something entrepreneurial with my life.

However when I graduated, I got a job writing CSS and HTML for template websites — it was pretty soul destroying! I only lasted a few months before I quit and decided to go full-time indie. I had no plan and no savings but somehow managed to stumble through for 18 months before I had to get a “real job” again. That was round one of being self-employed.

The big problem for most developers wanting to go indie full time is making the leap. Can you tell me how you managed this?

I created the first version of Pixaki on evenings and weekends while working a full-time job. Initially, I thought it would only take a few months, but it actually took two years to get to version 1!

I was hoping that once the app was released it would generate enough money that I could quit my job and be a full-time indie, but while it was somewhat successful it wasn’t anywhere near enough to live on. I’ve since learned to always run the numbers and do an in-depth analysis before starting a new project, rather than just hoping for the best.

Version 2 was a complete Swift re-write!

So I kept my job, but I kept working on Pixaki — version 2 turned into a complete rewrite and I moved the code from Objective-C to Swift. The real turning point was being made redundant, and I can honestly say it’s one of the best things that’s happened to me!

Rather than look for another full-time job, I decided to go back to freelancing. This time was very different though — I went with a much higher and more sustainable hourly rate, plus I had money saved from Pixaki sales and it was still generating money each month. This softened the blow of suddenly not having a regular monthly income, but it still felt like a big risk.

Being self-employed again has enabled me to spend so much more time on Pixaki, which has really changed everything. After the first few months, I released Pixaki 2, then I began working on Pixaki 3. Version 3 added a huge number of new features, it was the first paid upgrade, and I increased the price from $8.99 to $24.99.

Sales have been going really well, and now Pixaki accounts for about two-thirds of the income I need each month which means that I can be far less dependant on client work. It’s a great position to be in, and it’s all built on the foundations set when I started the project one evening over six years ago.

Sales increasing with version 3 of Pixaki.

What’s your daily schedule like?

I work from home, but every morning I still “walk to work”. I walk the same route every day and I don’t listen to any music or podcasts, but I use the time to think about what I need to be working on today. I also like to think about the bigger picture and consider what my plans are for Pixaki in the months to come and what my next project will be.

After my walk, the day generally looks like this:

9:00-9:30: start working.

12:00-13:00: take an hour for lunch.

17:00-17:30: finish working for the day

I’ve tried working really long hours in the past, but it’s so draining that I think I’m actually more productive by not trying to work too hard. I don’t have much of a set daily routine, but I like to write out a to-do list each day and work my way through that.

In general, I’ll start with the less appealing tasks first, and then when I’m starting to flag I can switch to something more exciting.

Work-Life Balance

Procrastination is a real problem for everyone, how do you fight the battle of distractions?

I work from home, so there’s definitely a constant battle to stay focused. I always have a timer running on my laptop that tells me when I’ve been idle for 5 minutes or more, so I can keep track of how many hours in the day I’m actually working. Closing apps and tabs in Safari helps too — I have Mail closed most of the time, and only open it a couple of times a day to check my emails.

Luke’s workspace at home.

The most dangerous type of distraction I find, though, is the desire to start a new project. Something like Twitter might steal a few minutes from your day, but ditching your current unfinished project to start something new that you also don’t finish can take away months. And because you’re still doing work, it’s much easier to tell yourself that you are being productive.

The first time I was a full-time indie developer, pretty much all I did was start something and then a few months later move onto the next project without finishing anything. I spent a year and a half doing this with very little to show at the end of it all. So now I’m very cautious about starting new projects; I have a process where I weigh up how viable the idea is, which I run through before I start anything.

I’ve decided that Pixaki will be my primary focus for the next couple of years at least, and while I’m considering what will come next, I’m in no hurry to make a start.

Can you list any tools you use that help with your indie development?

One of the best tools I have is a notebook and pencil. I use it for my to-do lists, but also designing and decision making; I think there’s a tremendous value in stepping away from technology when you can. I have a Leuchtturm1917 dotted notebook which is great for writing and designing, and a Pentel mechanical pencil.

In terms of software I use;-

Xcode – For making Pixaki.

Sketch – For doing any design resources.

Tower – This is a git GUI.

Harvest – The timer I mentioned earlier.

What is your ultimate advice for being an indie developer?

Think long-term and keep persevering. It took me a few years to realise that success is not going to happen suddenly, and I think that’s probably true for the vast majority of people. When Pixaki was seeing limited success, I considered giving up on it and moving on to a new project on many occasions, but I’m so glad I stuck with it. And I’m going to keep working on it to grow the product and see where I can take it.

I hope for Pixaki to still be around in ten or twenty years time, so everything I do is with that in mind. Often that means writing my own code that I know I’ll be able to maintain rather than using a third-party library. I also try to keep the app modern without getting too caught up in the latest fashions of app design; there are very little blur and vibrancy effects for example, and I think the app will age more gracefully because of things like that.

Luke’s vision to allow the app to age gracefully.

If you could change anything about being an indie iOS developer what would it be and why?

I think we’re incredibly fortunate to have a platform for iOS to develop for. It’s easy to find fault when it’s what you work with all day every day, but looking at it objectively it’s a fantastic platform.

The thing that makes me the most nervous about building a business around an iOS app, though, is how much control Apple has. Given that they own both the platform and the sole distribution channel for apps, any changes that they make in the future could have a massive impact on many businesses.

So far it’s been good though, and there have been some nice changes to the App Store recently, which is encouraging. I’d like to see them slow down how quickly iOS changes from year to year too, as just keeping up with the platform is a lot of work, but I don’t see that happening anytime soon!

Pixaki

Can you tell me the ultimate success story of Pixaki? How did it all start and how have you managed great success?

Success is an interesting term because it can be measured in so many ways and it’s always relative. There’s obviously a financial success, but also success in terms of influence within the pixel art community, and success in terms of equipping others to create amazing things. I struggle to think of the app as successful because I know where I want to take it and it feels like I’m just getting started, but looking at where I’ve come from I can see that it has achieved success in a lot of ways.

I started Pixaki because I wanted to make pixel art on my iPad but I didn’t really like the look of any of the other apps that were out there — I’m very fussy when it comes to apps! If I started a project like this now, I’d do a lot more market analysis first and take the time to run the numbers. I’ve learnt a lot about running a business in the last few years, and in hindsight, I don’t think I made life very easy for myself. But a combination of learning these business skills and sheer determination has led me to the point that I’m at now.

Pixaki in action!

What’s the thought-process for building new features for Pixaki, is it ultimately user feedback or do you have a personal backlog of features to implement in the future?

User feedback is driving things a lot at the moment. I have a spreadsheet where I collate all of the requests that come in and order the requested features by popularity, which has become my backlog. There are also features that I’d like to add that maybe aren’t the most requested, but are important for the direction I want to take the product in.

This way of working means that I’m not that quick to implement the latest features in iOS because my customers aren’t requesting them, but I don’t think that’s a bad thing necessarily. I’ve released 3 major updates to Pixaki 3 so far, and I’ve got another 5 planned which should keep me busy for 2018!

For me, it’s all about the people. I love to attend conferences for making new connections and getting different perspectives on things. It’s nice to have people to talk to about the world of app development too.

What’s the process for releasing new features and how do you keep the quality control high on Pixaki?

I have a great group of beta testers. In the early days I was just recruiting anyone I knew with an iPad to help with testing, but over the years as the product has become more established, I’ve managed to recruit some of my most loyal users to help with testing. I’m very grateful for these people — they volunteer their time to help make the app better because they believe in the product and want to see me succeed. It’s really amazing, and they’ve played a huge part in making the app what it is today.

I really enjoy obsessing over details, which helps when trying to make a high-quality product. I don’t want to release anything that I think is only “good enough”, so I’ll happily iterate five or ten times on a particular aspect of the app until I’m happy with it.

I’ve found having long beta testing periods has been useful — Pixaki 3 was in beta for 9 months before release. There’s definitely more I’d like to do in terms of having a process for maintaining the quality, though.

Lots of folks would like to see Pixaki on the Mac, any signs of this happening in the future?

Yes! It’s currently in active development. There’s still quite a way to go, but I’m really excited about the product it’s turning into. I love the Mac, I do nearly all of my work on a Mac and I know a lot of other people do too, so I think it will be really great for people working on large projects and those who just prefer to work on a desktop. I am hoping to release at some point in 2018. (If anyone would like to help with beta testing, please email me at [email protected]).

Pixaki in action on the Mac, credits to Jason Tammemagi.

Where To Go From Here?

And that concludes our Top App Dev Interview with Luke Rogers. Huge thanks to Luke for sharing his journey with the iOS community :]

I hope you enjoyed reading about Luke’s journey with Pixaki and is a clear example of our very few indie iOS developers in the community.

Remaining clear of any distractions is clearly key to Luke’s determination to make a successful product, Pixaki. I hope you can take away some tips and use in your workflow.

If you are an app developer with a hit app or game in the top 100 in the App store, we’d love to hear from you. Please drop us a line anytime. If you have a request for any particular developer you’d like to hear from, please join the discussion in the forum below!

The post Creator of Pixaki and Full-Time Indie iOS Dev: A Top Dev Interview With Luke Rogers appeared first on Ray Wenderlich.

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10cities10years · 8 years ago

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[I’ve changed names when I felt like it]

I came to on an elevator, floating somewhere between the first and fifth floor. At my feet, half-conscious but laughing all the same, was my friend, Ariel. Abruptly, the elevator stopped – had it been going up or down? – and the doors opened to reveal a parking garage.

“Where did you park?” I asked her, not entirely certain where I was or how I got there, but apparently fully cognizant of our mission to find Ariel’s car. From her position splayed out on the ground, she pressed the button on her key fob. No horn. The vehicle, it seemed, was not on this floor, whichever floor that was. The doors closed and we progressed to the next.

This continued for a few more minutes – or was it half an hour – with Ariel losing the fight to regain her footing and I determinedly stepping out of the elevator on each floor and trying to spy the missing car. Eventually, either through exhaustion or the miraculous return of some sense, I realized that even if we found her car, Ariel was in no state to drive. I sent the elevator back to the ground floor.

Exiting the parking garage, I half carried, half dragged my friend to the street and waved down a taxi, sliding her into the backseat.

“Tell him your address,” I commanded Ariel, which she dutifully did. I gave the driver a twenty dollar bill and they were off.

With each passing minute in the late March night air, my senses were gradually returning to me. I walked to clear my head a bit before waving down a taxi for myself. Slouched in the backseat, I gave the driver my address and held loosely onto my fleeting consciousness until I arrived home. My neighborhood: Fisk-Meharry, Nashville.

Safe and Secure

I arrived in Nashville defeated. I had crawled through San Francisco and Chicago amidst the worst of the Great Recession and come out the other side, officially in the latter half of 10 Cities/10 Years; I was drained, bitter, and ready to give up. Just a few weeks prior to my move, I briefly contemplated scrapping my plans and moving into an apartment with my brother in Austin. It would’ve been a terrible idea (for both of us).

I finally settled on a dirt cheap two-bedroom apartment in the predominantly black neighborhood between two historically African-American colleges, Fisk University and Meharry Medical College. And by “predominantly,” I mean, the only white people I saw were driving through with their windows securely rolled up.

Like my time in West Philly, I heard frequently that Fisk-Meharry was a dangerous neighborhood, including from my white landlord and my black neighbors. Taxi drivers regularly refused to drive me back home after work or to pick me up when I called for a ride. The recession had hit Nashville, too, leaving city projects in my area, intended to usher in new growth and development, incomplete or abandoned altogether. I walked the neighborhood every day without being accosted, but its reputation was fixed.

I lived on an island set upon a sea of liquor.

Every month, I went through a handle each of bargain bin whiskey and vodka – the kind that comes in plastic jugs and doesn’t even pretend to have a pedigree – on top of drinking with coworkers after nearly every shift and any other occasion I could find for “exploring” Nashville. When I couldn’t work up the energy to go out in public, I hid inside my apartment, a sparsely furnished grotto for my isolation.

My one lifeline to humanity those first months in Nashville was Ashley, the woman I’d left in Charlotte. After having spent four years far apart, only one state divided us now and we still had a crackling electricity in our flirtations. She’d endured the separation and my relationship with Selene – the Facebook posts, the pictures, the public display of romance that we’ve masochistically made a part of our societal norm – under the pretense that we were “just friends.” But we were never just friends. Or, more accurately, we were never good at being friends.

As long as the possibility of a future romance remained on the table – and with Ashley, it always did – she tolerated the distance, both physical and emotional.

In my post-Chicago malaise, I gifted Ashley with the fractured pieces of my psyche. She helped me put them back together. We used the word “love” – we never had during the nascent, Charlotte period of our relationship. I started making concessions: I could end my project a year early, count my hometown as Year 1, and move back to North Carolina once I finished so we could live near her family. That’s all that mattered to her.

Now a nurse, Ashley looked into travel nursing so she could spend a few months in whichever city I lived. I supported the idea, but it meant giving her a vote in my next cities. She wanted to live in Arizona, but I was adamant against it: the state had recently passed Arizona SB 1070, the draconian anti-immigration law, and I suppose I felt I was making some political point with my stance. Mostly, I just didn’t want to be back in the Southwest again.

Our long distance relationship lasted nearly four months, a mix of highs and lows. The week of Thanksgiving, we spent a few days in a secluded cabin up in the Great Smoky Mountains, the border between her state and mine. The picturesque, revitalizing backdrop offered all the promises and pleasures of what a simple life together could be.

So, of course, I broke up with her. The distance – the continued separation – required too much energy, too much focus, and the thought of stitching together a relationship over the next four to five uncertain years apart was unthinkable. Once again, I had a choice between Ashley and my project, and I chose 10 Cities/10 Years.

Nash Vegas

After a fruitless and demoralizing stint at a phone bank calling up dissatisfied and very angry customers, I found a gig waiting tables in downtown Nashville. The restaurant, Demos’, is a regional institution with its steaks and spaghetti varieties, positioned in that niche between fine dining and generic family fare. All of Nashville came through those doors, whether to eat or to serve.

The staff at Demos’ was your usual mix of students, burn outs, lifers, and strivers. Like Los Angeles for actors, screenwriters, and directors, Nashville’s official status as Music City means seemingly everyone in the service industry has (or had) a dream of making it in the music business.

It was the one city where, when I told people I was a writer, they immediately assumed songwriter.

As I gradually climbed out of my depression, the Demos’ crew was always around to provide at least one drinking buddy. In an industry with massive turnover, some servers came and went in a matter of months or even weeks. From shift to shift, I could repeat the exact same day – serve lunch, go for midday drinks and pool at Buffalo’s Billiards, serve dinner (partially in the bag), and then get more drinks – with a whole new group of coworkers. Server life is a bit like Groundhog Day.

Not everyone vanished. There were a core group of Demos’ servers who regularly went out together, including the high spirited Ariel, a favorite drinking companion.

That black out night in the elevator had begun commonly enough at the Beer Seller, where our group was playing pool and watching March Madness. A couple hours into the night, we were joined by one of our usual creepy hangers-on.

There is a type of older man who hovers in bars where groups of young friends regularly gather. These men ingratiate themselves into the group with the hopes of getting a shot at one of the attractive, young girls, which, as servers, we had no shortage of. Everyone knows their intentions and no one trusts them, but they buy drinks and other substances, so the group usually tolerates their presence.

That night, our creep – John? Sure, let’s go with John – had supplied the usual rounds when he offered to up the ante. Retrieving his wallet, he slipped out tabs of what, at the time, I assumed were Xanax. I suppose they could have been almost anything, but I wasn’t really in a questioning mood. Four of us – John, Ariel, myself, and Will, another coworker – put the tabs on our tongues and washed them back with beer.

And then I woke up on the elevator.

A few days later, when Ariel and I had a shift together, she beelined straight to me.

“How did I get home?” She asked, a mix of confusion and concern in her tone.

I told her about the cab. Thanking me profusely, she explained that she could remember most of the night, but not what happened after we had been kicked out of the last bar. As she recounted, after splitting from John and Will, we had bounced from bar to bar, dancing at one, hogging the jukebox at another, generally being young and obnoxious as you do when your mind is erased.

She could recall up until the point that we left the bar, well after closing time, and then, like something out of science fiction, we swapped consciousness: the moment she blacked out, I came back online and filled in the rest of the memory. She remembered the partying, I remembered our egress, and together, we completed the night.

As the year in Nashville progressed and each day pushed Chicago further into memory, I regained my sense of purpose. For the better part of a year, when I thought of 10 Cities/10 Years, all I saw was everything I had lost, everything I had given up for this quixotic venture.

The friends I made at Demos’, the strangers I met in bars and the stories they told, even the failed attempts at romantic flings, these were all a reminder of why I had set out on this path half a decade prior, and why I had to keep going. In the process of falling in and out of love, I had lost sight of what mattered: the people on the road.

That year, my sixth, I made a vow to myself: I would complete this project no matter what came my way, even it if killed me. So what if I was throwing good money after bad, I had come this far, and I was going to let it ride.

Ironically, after resisting Ashley’s direction of my future, for Year 7, I created an online poll to let friends and strangers determine my next city: Austin, Denver, Portland, or Seattle. When the voting closed, Seattle claimed the victory by one vote.

Let It Ride

One of my last nights in Nashville, I ascended the towering grassy hill known as Love Circle, joined by Dustin and Jacky, two close friends from Demos’. As its name implies, the spot is a popular, shall we say, “make out” spot, but at a nearly 800 feet elevation, it also offers one of the best views of the entire city. We climbed up to the hill with a bottle of Eagle Rare and sat on top of the world, recounting our shared times and envisioning our separate futures.

Jacky was a singer in a band, Dustin was in school, and I had four long, unknowable years ahead of me. But for a short time, our paths had merged.

Maybe I’m just projecting, but that night on Love Circle had the feel of a transitional moment for all of us. High above the city that had brought together three dreamers from different hometowns, we could see for miles. Other than a few clouds, we had clear skies. I felt something I hadn’t in a very long time: contentment.

And that was reason enough to keep going.

Keep reading: Start from the beginning

Letting It Ride: Remembering (and forgetting) what mattered in #MusicCity #Nashville #Travel I came to on an elevator, floating somewhere between the first and fifth floor. At my feet, half-conscious but laughing all the same, was my friend, Ariel.

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