#this sounds sad. i’m fine.

[leninisms]

I’d love to hear more about your interpretation of bttws as being about trauma - no pressure (and you don’t have to share anything personal ofc) but I love your hoax posts & I want more of your opinions

hi! thank you for asking so nicely, i really appreciate it!! i’m sorry this took forever, i’ve been Contemplating(tm). and also super thank you for saying you love my hoax posts and want more of my opinions— i’m giggling and twirling my hair and kicking my feet<3

so i’ve had the post below in my drafts for a month now, and i just didn’t really know how to finish it & also it’s super personal. i know there’s more i want to say, but it’s really hard for me to put this into words. i’m gonna try to go more in depth under the cut but it might make no sense idk. ((and i’m just going to talk about my own experience because i don’t feel comfortable generalizing))

so for those of you who might not know, when someone experiences childhood trauma/ACEs and goes on to receive mental health treatment in adulthood, they’re often told to “grieve their childhood.” the idea is that, when someone is traumatized at a young age, they’re forced to grow up faster than is considered normal and/or healthy, and that does have lasting negative effects on one’s mental, physical, and emotional health. one of the ways you can try to heal from that is by grieving that loss of childhood, of innocence, of whatever it was specifically that was taken from you. (note: i am not an expert on the grieving of one’s childhood! i have been told to do it and i’m refusing right now).

the chorus especially stands out to me in this context, specifically the lyric, “i’m never gonna meet… what should’ve been you.” it’s probably not the healthiest, but i spend a lot of time wondering who i would be if i hadn’t been abused for so long. i was taught that asking for help makes me a bad person. i was taught that nothing i do will ever be good enough. i was taught that i deserve to be mistreated. the list goes on. it’s easy to assume that if those ideas and beliefs hadn’t been drilled into me for so long and at such a young age, i would be a fundamentally different person than i am today. and since i’m of the belief that no one should be abused, i think that’s the version of myself that should exist.

i’m sorry if this is confusing— this stuff is so complicated and different for everyone and i don’t know what i’m talking about. but this is the general idea. there’s a bit more to it, but i don’t have it in me right now lmao<3

[skinreflectsthesun]

.

[werewolfoffeverswamp]

there’s something so alluring about the idea of living in a perpetual horror movie to me. like a time loop. specifically a paranormal one where you could never make it out alive. in the same sense of “heaven is a place where nothing really happens” (from the talking heads song Heaven), being trapped in a story where there’s only one ending and you suffer through whatever horrors are laid out for you (but they are laid out exactly as they are and always will be, and they are laid out for YOU) sounds like. morbidly peaceful. no need to worry what happens next, you already know. and you’ve done it a hundred times. of course you’re in pain but it’s intimately familiar and maybe you don’t even register your suffering anymore. and you’re not preoccupied by your performance in this dance anymore either— it feels like whatever you do, the same events occur, but you’re an actor in a story and you never had free will to begin with. anyways. it just sounds kind of nice 👍

[younggayanddoingokay]

Listen. Like. Maybe it’s okay if we both shatter into pieces sometimes. And maybe it’s also okay if, when we pick ourselves up to glue back together, I pick up a few of your pieces and you pick up a few of mine, and we’re just carrying around little pieces of each other. Maybe I hold your heart for you, and you hold mine for me, and everything will be okay one day even if it isn’t now. Maybe there will be days when you’re okay, and I’m not, or vice versa. And I can be okay for you, and you can be okay for me, and then we just both keep going until things are okay for both of us. Can you do that for me? Please. I promise it will be okay. I swear on all the pieces of you that are in me, and all the pieces of me that are in you. All you need to do is just keep picking yourself back up, those pieces of you mixed with pieces of me. And I’ll do the same. And one day, the glue will hold, and it will be enough.

[smilesrobotlover]

Abel and Ammon are chilling at a cafe together. What do you think they’re talking about?

Give Linebeck and Rusl hugs for me <3 And Ammon, really, but I’ll let him vibe with some coffee. Or whatever he drinks to caffeinate/energize. (Abel has known about coffee his entire life because Castle Town has Gerudo beverages and he’s 100% addicted)

Hope you’re doing ok <3 <3 <3

Oh boy, they could be talking about their duties, how wonderful their wives are, how crazy their kids are, maybe even talk about how much they hate the yiga lol. There’s a lotta things!!

Rusl is affectionately crushing your ribs and Linebeck is pretending that he’s disgusted by the hug but deep down he’s a big softy <33

I don’t think Ammon has ever had anything like coffee so….. this is a first time for everything!

[laomelettedufromage]

When Xiao Fei is trying to save Seven towards the end of season one and is making those sad little noises….ough

[straightlightyagami]

sometimes i really think maybe it would be better if suddenly all of reality simply blinked out of existence

[carniecarnage]

small talking to myself kinda post pay no mind

[redflannelsheets]

.

[johndonneswife]

someone really should be talking about how difficult it is to plan a wedding - a gay wedding - when both of your families fucking suck

[jawnjendes]

wowwwwwweeeeeeee

[autism-disco]

feelin rather out of touch this out of touch thursday not gonna lie

[thnksfrthmmrs]

[shuckstruck]

unrelated. damn if i didn’t have an eating disorder before i sure as fuck do now lmao

[lesbiansanemi]

Man inventory at work drained the fucking life out of me cuz it’s miserable anyways but also they completely fuck over my entire schedule for it by making me stay until 11 when normally I’m off by 6:30 so I’m exhausted and had a migraine all day yesterday and now apparently my great grandma is dying can I just like. Chill for a few days or something. Jesus Christ. Let me nap and play a video game or something

[dreamertrilogyy]

this is by far the most pleasant evening i’ve spent high and alone in like forever