#this is where arguments of free will vs predetermination really get to me. i DO believe in free will. but is it so bad to wish for —

[werewolfoffeverswamp]

there’s something so alluring about the idea of living in a perpetual horror movie to me. like a time loop. specifically a paranormal one where you could never make it out alive. in the same sense of “heaven is a place where nothing really happens” (from the talking heads song Heaven), being trapped in a story where there’s only one ending and you suffer through whatever horrors are laid out for you (but they are laid out exactly as they are and always will be, and they are laid out for YOU) sounds like. morbidly peaceful. no need to worry what happens next, you already know. and you’ve done it a hundred times. of course you’re in pain but it’s intimately familiar and maybe you don’t even register your suffering anymore. and you’re not preoccupied by your performance in this dance anymore either— it feels like whatever you do, the same events occur, but you’re an actor in a story and you never had free will to begin with. anyways. it just sounds kind of nice 👍

[thesportssoundoff]

“Hey Pittsburgh, we uh...we got a thing for ya” Fight Night: Rockhold vs Branch preview

So for the majority of you/us, Gennady Golovkin vs Canelo Alvarez is THE fight of the year in boxing and maybe even in MMA if we never get McGregor vs the winner of Ferg/Lee. For the slimmest of you, aka me and other hardcore UFC fans who have compulsion problems, we will be watching the UFC's Fight Night LIVE from Pittsburgh. I almost thought about heading out to this show but the ride would've been too much for a main event involving David Branch. I'll just wait for an inevitable return to Philly I suppose. Sometime before 2025 please? Anyways this show is...it's weird. There's been far worse free TV offerings from the UFC but it's also not great. What's more, it's not great on a night where great programming abounds everywhere (Louisville/Clemson, LSU/Mississippi State, Texas/USC on free TV, GGG vs Canelo) and the entire MMA and boxing community are recovering from the Mayweather/McGregor show. In the end, we're left with a fine show pitting some fine fighters against one another in some fine contests. The headliner is what a boxing trainer I knew would refer to as "mandatory non-destination programming." In other words, it's an important fight that's hard to care for. Beyond that the show has a nice mix of fighters who COULD be major players in the division vs established veteran challengers and intriguing on paper fights which would be hard pressed to not at least be amusing. All in all, this is just a card on a Saturday designed to fill out a predetermined schedule. Proceed accordingly.

Fights: 11

Debuts:  2 (Azunna Anwanyu and Alex Reyes)

Fight Changes/Injury Cancellations: 2 (Thiago Alves OUT, Alex Reyes IN vs Mike Perry/ Dimitriy Sosnovski OUT, Azunna Anwanyu IN vs Justin Ledet)

Headliners (fighters who have either main evented or co-main evented shows in the UFC): 4 (Luke Rockhold, Hector Lombard, Sergio Moraes and Anthony Hamilton)

Fighters On Losing Streaks in the UFC:  2 (Hector Lombard, Felipe Arantes)

Fighters On Winning Streaks in the UFC: 8 (Sergio Moraes, Kamaru Usman, Gregor Gillespie, Anthony Smith, Justin Ledet, Tony Martin, Olivier Aubin-Mercier and Uriah Hall)

Stat Monitor for 2017:

Debuting Fighters (Current number: 25-23)- Zu Anwanyu, Alex Reyes

Short Notice Fighters (Current number: 17-25)- Zu Anwanyu, Alex Reyes

Second Fight (Current number: 22-27)-  Daniel Spitz

Cage Corrosion (14-7)- Luke Rockhold

Twelve Precarious Ponderings:

1- I wonder if I didn't give this main card enough credit on paper for being decent enough to get by. It's not going to wow anybody BUT that's neither her nor there; it's just not an awful showcase. The main event is a dull fight on paper BUT Rockhold vs Branch has some serious divisional relevance and you can absolutely appreciate on paper what the point is behind said fight. Mike Perry vs Thiago Alves on paper was a great test for both guys but Alves fell out. It would be easy to just call this a scrub fight BUT Mike Perry himself was like a week notice replacement for somebody once. The same could be said for Justin Ledet vs competent regional HW Zu Anwanyu on short notice. I have little interest in Anthony Smith vs Hector Lombard on paper but Smith is on a finishing roll in the UFC and Hector Lombard COULD be fighting for his job. Gregor Gillespie is coming off a really impressive mowing down of Andrew Holbrook and could be a player at 155 lbs. Lastly you have an intriguing fight between Kamaru Usman and Sergio Moraes primarily because Moraes is the first guy who stylistically people would say has a shot at stifling Usman (a bigger stronger grappler type). It's not as bad as I imagined.

2- Is Luke Rockhold the most hated UFC fighter ever? This Bisping-GSP fiasco is entirely on his shoulders because if he beats Bisping, we're not dealing with any of this mess.

3- It's believed that Branch is getting this fight because a) Anderson Silva said no, b) Romero would take it but only if it was three rounds and c) Jacare doesn't want to fight any time soon. So David Branch draws Luke Rockhold in the main event and lest we forgot, Branch is absolutely Mr. Ratings. Now what can David Branch necessarily do to Luke Rockhold? I mean....I 'unno. Branch has been training for five round fights since he essentially wound up at WSOF. Now counter to that, so has Luke Rockhold. Branch has been successful at LHW but I have little doubt Rockhold's future is at 205 lbs by the end of 2018 at the earliest. Branch is pretty strong in the clinch but Rockhold made Weidman look small in the clinch. Rockhold's grappling is world's better than Branch. The one key caveat is that Rockhold has, at times, looked chinny during his UFC run. Getting finished by Vitor is not the end of the world given Vitor's.....physique but there's simply no way to justify getting flattened by Bisping. No way no how.

4- Without looking it up, guess who is younger between Rockhold and Branch and also by how much.

5- How many finishes would Mike Perry have to get in a row before his detractors acknowledged that he brings excitement to events?

6- Of all the fighters on this main card, no one guy has the ability to challenge for the title and soon the way Kamaru Usman has. Usman's wrestling is above and beyond the call of duty and his striking seems to be improving as well. The downside is that beyond the best wrestler in the UFC is like a big glowing tag that reads BORING on it, even though Usman tends to be a hyperactive ground and pounder who just seems to lack the ability to get that ONE fight finishing shot. If he can finish Kamaru Usman, he might take that BIG step up the rankings that people seem to be waiting for him to take. Sergio Moraes has been successful across a collection of weight classes (185 on TUF, 170 in the actual UFC) and he's a crazy good grappler who AT LEAST has pop in his hands. It's a good test for Usman as the UFC tries to figure out if he's a nuisance or a star on the rise.

7- Is Anthony Hamilton vs Daniel Spitz potentially the worst sanctioned fight  (MMA, boxing, kickboxing, shoot wrestling, pillow) in the history of the universe?

8- There are a lot of wrasslers on this card and grappler types matched up; one such fight is Olivier Aubin Mercier taking on Tony Martin. OAM is a grappler first and foremost with a knack for submissions (although getting there is a chore). Tony Martin is a grinder who has suddenly discovered that he can strike over his last few fights. Mercier is hard to hit but doesn't react well when he IS hit while Martin seems to struggle with his cardio and his angles. It's a well matched clash on paper.

9- Felipe Arantes vs Luke Sanders is a really intriguing fight and one of those sleeper bouts you get one of those  FS1 cards during a block of FS1 cards where you go "Oh shit that's a freakin' great fight." Sanders is 1-1 in the UFC but he could be 2-0 had he not made a tactical error vs Iuri Alcantara. Felipe Arantes is one of those guys who dropped down in weight and seemed to find himself. After going 3-3-1 at 145 lbs, Arantes moved down in weight to 135 lbs and he's gone 2-1 and could be undefeated in the weight class  depending on how you view his split decision loss to a one legged Erik Perez. Both guys are action oriented fighters although Sanders tends to keep things upright and batter dudes while Arantes has become more sub savvy at 135 lbs.

10- Okay so is Hector Lombard the biggest UFC bust ever? Also let's not forget that at 28, Anthony Smith would be among the younger top 15 guys.

11- Justin Ledet came into the UFC and boxed up Chase Sherman at high altitude for three rounds; a win that in hindsight looks a lot better. Then he went into Belfast and submitted Mark Godbeer in relatively easy fashion. Zu Anwanyu is a good veteran HW who hits hard, hits infrequently and is one of those guys who just does stuff just to do it.

12- We still in on this Uriah Hall buzz or nah?

Must Win

1- Luke Rockhold

There's simply no way to describe this; Luke Rockhold cannot lose to Michael Bisping and Davis Branch back to back. You cannot be a top 10 MW and do that. You just can't.

2- Hector Lombard

The argument could be made that Lombard is the biggest flop in UFC history. A win over Anthony Smith doesn't prevent that from being the case BUT a loss might as well solidify it.  Aging Hendo to bloated Hendricks to Anthony Smith? Irreplacable.

3- Kamaru Usman

Usman may be the best prospect between 170 and 205 lbs----but he's lacking a really signature win or finish to cement that. As of right now, he's just a really talented wrestler with powerful g-n-p who fight fans do not care to see. A win over Sergio Moraes would absolutely challenge that thought process ESPECIALLY if he gets a finish.

Five Must See Fights

1- Gregor Gillispie vs Jason Gonzales

Simply put, Gregor Gillispie is a very unique talent in a division filled with them. Jason Gonzalez has the ability to challenge Gregor in a few areas but this should be a fun exciting showcase for a good fighter.

2- Mike Perry vs Alex Reyes

I know nothing of Alex Reyes but Mike Perry has finished 3 of his 4 UFC fights, all in relatively violent fashion. He's an all offense, no defense sort of fighter who relies on his chin. He's got some scary Leben-esque tendencies to his game.

3- Kamaru Usman vs Sergio Moraes

This is a total stylistic clash but one where the stylistic advantages of both fighters suggest whomever has improved the most outside of their strengths will dictate who wins. That makes it fun and compelling.

4- Luke Rockhold vs David Branch

The question re: Rockhold's chin make this a compelling fight on paper. Chances are once the bell rings, it'll be a whole lot less compelling.

5- Daniel Spitz vs Anthony Hamilton

This has "must be seen to be believed" written all over it.

[kitty-bandit]

.:Lost Time - Chapter 14:.

Fandom: D.Gray-Man Rating: M Pairings: Laven (Lavi x Allen) Kalena (Kanda x Lenalee) Total Words: 109.1K Tags: Fantasy AU; Violence; Blood; Romance; Angst; Drama; Action/Adventure; Dragons; Chimera; Slow Burn; Sex; Oral Sex; Vaginal Sex; Drowning; Sharing a Bed; Pregnancy; Anal Sex; Handjobs; Fate vs Free Will; Philosophic arguments; Prophecies; Description: With dragons plaguing the lands and hoping to cleanse the world of humans, the Black Order stands between humanity and extinction. Dragon Hunters, able to sync with the magic necessary to use dragon slaying weapons, are the only ones able to fight. Burdened with a parasite-type weapon embedded in his left arm since birth, Allen Walker joins the Order in hopes of finding a purpose in his life. Finding love was unexpected.

::Warning - Sex in this chapter::

Chapter 14 - Denial

“Ah, fate and destiny,” Lavi mused, tapping his quill on the edge of the inkwell as he leaned against the table. “Scholars have debated that for years, Al, and no one has come to an agreement. It’s not like you can prove it, one way or another.”

“I know, but the more I think about it, the more confused I get,” Allen admitted. “Is it every decision that you make that’s predetermined by fate, or just the important ones? If I choose pancakes for breakfast instead of waffles, does that mean someone will die?”

“Whoa, that’s quite the leap,” Lavi said with a laugh, watching Allen as he talked philosophy to the ceiling. “I don’t think it works like that.”

“But does it? I mean, think about how you got to where you are today? The choices you made, and the things that forced you to move down a certain path. Sometimes it really does feel like fate is at work.”

“If you think that, then why do anything at all?” Lavi asked, a smile ticking up on his lips. “Stay in your room and never leave and see what happens.”

“But if I do that, is it really me deciding, or is it fate?”

“So, you think we don’t have free will? That our choices in life don’t matter and that everything is predetermined?”

“I don’t know, Lavi. I’m just speculating.” Allen turned his eyes to Lavi, a smile on his face. “I think it’s interesting.”

“And I think you’re just going to give yourself a headache talking in circles with yourself—especially this late at night.”

“Probably, but if that happens, I’ll just have you kiss it away.”

Lavi blushed at the comment, slouching into his chair. “Willow bark would work better,” he mumbled.

“I beg to differ.”

Read on AO3 or FF.net.

[dorothydelgadillo]

Freemium vs. Free Trial: How To Pick the Right SaaS Revenue Model in 2018

In business, and in life, rarely are decisions as simple as chocolate or vanilla, oxford comma or. standard, or “gif” or. “jif.”

In fact, I bet you have no problem choosing a side in any of those battles (and are likely heatedly preparing your argument as we speak).

Unfortunately, most strategic decisions are less “black-and-white” and more “shades of grey.” -- just like choosing freemium vs free trial, but more on that in a second.

One of the most memorable decisions I’ve ever faced was whether or not to start a family. There were a multitude of thoughts whizzing through my head, a million “what if’s,” and a thousand imagined outcomes.

What would be the implications for my career? Would waiting mean edging too close to the ticking biological expiration date every woman tries to ignore? Will my mom kill me if I don’t give her grandkids right now?  You know, all the truly important questions.

In a situation like this, there is no one right answer. There is just the answer that best fits your current situation and makes the most sense given your unique answers to all of those questions.

So, how do you tackle a decision like this?

If you’re anything like the rest of our data-hungry audience, you’ll approach it with feverish research. You will find out what questions you need to ask and how the different options to fit your situation.

  If you’re reading this, that means struggling with whether to go with a Freemium or a Free Trial for your SaaS product.

Well, you’re in luck! Below is a ton of information that will help you make that very decision.

What I will tell you is that there isn’t one model that is better than the other. Both models have their place, and I can’t decide which is right for you. What I can do is help you ask yourself the right questions to make the right decision yourself.

What Are the Differences Between Free Trial and Freemium Models?

First, to make sure we on the same page, let’s make sure we understand what each of the different models is.

Freemium Models

There are two common ways to structure a freemium model.

Reduced Feature Freemium Model:

The “reduced feature” module is commonly used in mobile applications where the user can access a subset of the full feature list for free.

If they are interested in using something considered a “premium” feature, they’ll have to either pay for each individual time they use that feature or upgrade their subscription level to gain access to it.

An example of this model is Evernote. You can access some of the base features of the product on the free version, but to get access to all the nifty features, you have to be on a subscription.

The reverse side of this option is that features can be removed when you start paying. An appropriate example here would be Pandora. When you upgrade to the paid version, you no longer have to deal with the “feature” of regular commercials.

Reduced Usage Capacity Freemium Model:

The “reduced capacity” module puts limits on the number of things the user can do within the product.

For instance, B2B products that support multiple users may limit the number of users that can have access for free. Once the user limit is exceeded, payment is required to continue usage.

Additional options here might be to place limits on the amount of data a user can download or the number of times a specific activity can be completed within a specified time period.

The easiest example of this model is Dropbox. The free version of Dropbox allows users to use up to a certain amount of storage before requiring a paid subscription.

The common ground between these two models is the ability for the user to have some level of access to the product for free forever.

They may choose to use the free version of the product forever without a requirement to upgrade -- that is the definition of a Freemium. (Check out a list of our favorites here!)

Free Trial Models

By contrast, free trial models are meant to give the user access to the full product, with every feature, bell and whistle included but for a limited time only.

When the predetermined trial period ends, they will be required to pay a subscription fee if they choose to continue usage. (This article will tell you more about the specific benefits of a free trial.)

Like a Freemium, there are two ways to structure a free trial model.

Opt-in Free Trial:

An Opt-in Free Trial allows a user to access the free trial without putting in any payment information up-front. Payment information is gathered when the user converts from the free trial to a paying customer.

Basecamp is an example of a company that has successfully used the opt-in model for quite a while. They require no credit card before beginning a 30-day trial.

Opt-out Free Trial:

An Opt-out Free Trial requires the user to input payment information in order to gain access to the free trial. This model typically will start automatically billing the user at the end of the trial period if the user does not cancel their subscription.

As of this writing, LinkedIn Premium uses an opt-out free trial model, where the user is required to provide credit card information before they can access the free trial.

Choosing Between a Freemium vs Free Trial Model for Your SaaS Product

There is no one-size-fits-all approach to selecting the right model for your business.

When choosing between a Free Trial and a Freemium model, you will have to take a good hard look at both your product and your business to determine what makes the most sense for you.

Consider these questions:

How Is Your Product Designed?

The first, and most important, question to ask yourself is how your product is designed.

Typically, to create a successful Freemium product, you’ll want to design with the end in mind.

Essentially, your product should be architected from the ground up as one. Shoehorning a SaaS product that wasn’t originally meant to provide a Freemium experience into one is often a recipe for failure.

If you want to do Freemium, your product should be designed to provide a significant amount of value to the user with just the free feature-set or bandwidth.

If you simply take a product that wasn’t meant to be a Freemium product initially and slash features, you’ll find yourself struggling to make the product valuable enough to your free users to convince them to upgrade.

If you are still designing your product, you’ll want to make your decision early in the development process so you can provide the best user experience possible.

If your product is already designed, the best recommendation is to go with the model that fits your specific product in the current state it exists in rather than trying to force a model that doesn’t fit.

How Will Users Best Experience the Benefits of Your Product?

This question pretty much comes down to: how complicated is your product?

If users will be able to see, feel, and experience the benefits of your product with a reduced feature-set or limited usage capacity, then Freemium may be a fit.

If its true value can’t be experienced without access to all of your features then a Free Trial is probably the right way to go.

As a general rule-of-thumb, the more complex a product is, the more likely it is to fit into the second category.

What Is the Cost of Supporting Free Users?

This is purely a business question. Both Freemium and Free Trial models will require you to provide support and access to users who aren’t paying you a dime --and this costs money.

A Free Trial model will more strictly limit how many free users you are supporting and for how long while a Freemium model will have you supporting many of those free users forever.

So, take stock of the costs you will incur for every individual user you support and determine if you are willing to dish out the extra dollars for the Freemium users.

Who Are Your Personas?

This question goes back to the foundation of your marketing (and your product as well). Who is your product designed for and who do you want to buy it?

Take some time to consider how your desired customers will respond to either model.

Will they be turned off by what they perceive to be a “nickel and diming” mentality of a Freemium model? Will they be frustrated by the time-limited nature of a Free Trial?

Do some research and find out!

What Do Freemium Benchmarks Tell Us?

Ok, so now the information you really care for; What do benchmarks tell us is the best option for converting people into paid users?

Again, the answer is a resounding, “it depends.”

For the most part, benchmarks place Freemium conversion rate in the low single digits, around 1%. This may be all you need for a successful product depending on how you structure your revenue model and your product would benefit from a high volume of users.

Free Trial benchmarks vary even more. Depending upon the type of model in use (opt-in vs. opt-out), well-structured Free Trials typically convert somewhere in the 10-30% range.

If your revenue model is such that each user has a high customer lifetime value, this model makes more sense.

Final Thoughts

Selecting the SaaS revenue model that’s right for your product is truly a business decision, and it should be treated as such.

The model you choose will either be based on your existing revenue model or the decision will determine your revenue model. Either way, it is a fundamental question about how you want to structure your business.

While it may not be quite the same as choosing whether or not to have a baby, we can all agree that most business leaders have a similar fondness for the products they share with the world.

So give the decision all the tender loving care it deserves, and select the path that is right for you.

Regardless of what model you use, this free guide will help you start converting those free users into happy paying customers. Get your free copy by clicking the button below!

from Web Developers World https://www.impactbnd.com/blog/freemium-vs.-free-trial-how-to-pick-the-right-saas-revenue-model

[markkahn-blog]

Are We In Control Of Our Lives?

When I first studied at university many years ago I was fascinated by the concept of free will versus determinism.

Are we in control of our lives or are forces outside of our control running us?

Are our personalities determined by nature – genetics – or the environment we grow up in – nurture?

A man with the unusual name of Burrhus Fred Skinner, the architect of behavioural psychology, was someone whom I rejected completely.

He horrified me to my core.

Skinner elaborated on the work of Pavlov and his dog which illustrated that all of our behaviour is conditioned by previous events.

In short, he said, we have no control.

I’m thinking to myself, “I’m going to be a psychologist, I have to believe in nurture and not nature, otherwise how much impact am I going to have on people?”

Entropy vs Syntropy

I think the idea was also horrifying to me because I had so much anxiety and depression, that to believe this was determined by something beyond my control left me feeling that there was nothing I could do about it. No one told me about the concept of syntropy.

Entropy says that all systems become more disordered and break down.

Syntropy says that creativity and higher levels of organisation emerge too, which means we transcend our conditioning.

Creative and destructive forces are an ongoing part of reality.

Over the years I have slowly come to believe that indeed we are significantly determined by factors beyond our control.

I would like to share my reasoning with you.

Can We Choose Our Destiny?

I was recently engaged in a discussion with some friends where they shared the idea that one can choose to take responsibility for one’s life. So the argument that they are presenting is that we are free to choose our behaviour, our thoughts and emotional response to any given situation.

Just take a look at yourself.

Ask yourself how many of the issues that you have worked on mentally and emotionally over the years have you changed?

My experience says that maybe we are successful with 10% or 15% of these issues, but what of the rest?

Some years ago I made a list of all of the areas of my life where I was still a victim. There were about 20 basic issues in the list and believe me I had spent thousands and thousands of hours working psychologically and spiritually on these issues and they were still there, unchanged.

I jokingly called this my immovable block of pathology.

Which is not to say that I haven’t grown immensely in many areas.

I recently did a process, which I had first done 3 years ago, in which one checks the ways in which our parents still push our buttons.

I had none.

It was very gratifying.

What I am saying however is that there are certain aspects of my psyche that have been totally beyond my ability to change up to now.

I am sometimes misinterpreted as judging myself for this.

What’s really interesting is that nobody stops to ask me if I am judging myself. They just assume I am.

The answer is I’m not.

I’m simply stating a fact that many aspects of my being have been totally out of my control to alter and I would state that the same applies to you.

And then, outside of yourself, there is the rest of the world. Friends, your intimate partner, your kids, government, your genetics, nature and the general course of history. How much power do you have to control them and that?

Death

We live in denial for much of the time in our lives. We are pretending to ourselves that a whole lot of negative emotions just don’t exist, which makes us feel like we are in control, when in fact we are not.

Take the idea of death.

Most people, tell me that they’re only afraid of the pain of dying and not the actual fact of being dead.

I will sometimes ask them if I were to put a gun to their heads and tell them that I’m going to shoot them and that they will die immediately without any pain, are they telling me that if I hook them up to a blood pressure machine and a galvanic skin response machine and to a heart rate monitor and an EEG maching, that when giving them this news of their impending death there will be absolutely zero reaction?

Of course not.

The reason I think that we are so frightened of dying is that we are so attached to the ego, our sense of identity.

Most people’s identities are locked into beliefs and values and roles that they play out in their lives.

So if you consider yourself to be an honest person or a reliable person, or somebody who has empathy, then if somebody criticises you and says you’re a liar or unreliable or that you lack empathy you are most likely to get very upset.

We have dozens of these qualities with which we identify.

At the most fundamental level we are identified with our bodies. So if you start to have a heart attack or you think you are going blind or the sensation in your legs disappears, the enormous anxiety most of us would experience is the ego, the sense of self that is being threatened.

To die probably means to lose the entire body and the contents of the mind and emotions. Which is why I believe this is such a frightening thing for anyone who isn’t spiritually Awakened.

The spiritually Awakened person is identified with spirit, not with the body or the mind or the feelings.

So the ultimate question around death and the loss of body and emotion and identity is, do I have control over my anxiety regarding this?

For most of us the answer is no!

Slaves To Conditioning

The conditioning which you have experienced around your identity, your ego, has predetermined your anxiety, it’s that simple.

You have almost zero choice in the matter.

In essence we are slaves to our conditioning.

Just about every anxiety and neurosis that you have was created by previous events in your life and if not that, then by genetics.

There is of course the field of epigenetics which says some genes can be changed through our environment and through the use of our minds, which limits this determinism to some extent, but how much can you access this ability?

Mothers And Their Kids

I cannot tell you how many mothers have brought their troubled kids to see me over the years and I have asked them when they first saw these difficulties in their child. The answers range from between the first week of birth, to the first three months of life. Which means that these kids were born with multiple challenges that they now have to manage throughout their lives.

They have no choice in the matter.

There are some writers and many motivational speakers who present the absurd notion that we can choose our thinking.

I find this utterly extraordinary that people can claim that they can control the thinking mind.

Of course some people can do this for a very short period of time. There are some meditators who can stop their thoughts and just become completely still with a very blank mind.

I think that’s about .01% of the population by the way – which is really fascinating because most people who have tried meditation tell me that they can’t stop their minds and so they give up meditating!

But those same meditators who can stop the mind while meditating lose this control as soon as they stop meditating, when the mind returns with a vengeance because the mind is a thought producing factory that functions 24/7 and is largely beyond our control.

There is in addition a price to pay for this shutting down of the mind. Many of these people repress a lot of negative emotions which then return big time.

Growing

One of the most important elements in being able to use psychotherapy is one’s capacity to grow. Over many, many years what I realised is that the people who do best in psychotherapy are the ones who want to grow the most.

And here’s the kicker.

Is the character trait of wanting to grow within your control or is determined?

I have the most extraordinary need to grow. For the last 40 years I have endlessly worked on myself psychologically and spiritually.

I think it’s just my personality I don’t think I chose it at all.I think it chose me and I think it’s the same for most people. I’m not saying that people cannot learn to grow or develop that trait and other traits, it’s just that this is not that common.

Brainworking Recursive Therapy (BWRT)

I was recently trained in the most revolutionary and powerful technique for working with specific incidents of trauma and stress that I have encountered in 35 years of practice.

The technique was created by a British man named Terence Watts. He had read about a piece of research from one Benjamin Libet a psychologist at the University of California in the US.

Libet received the virtual Nobel Prize for this work.

In 1983 Libet proved that we do not have free will in the way that we usually think of it. He asked people to note the moment that they decided to move a finger to mark the position of a moving dot on a clock face, while he recorded their brainwave patterns.

He discovered that the decision was made by the brain about one third of a second before the subject was consciously aware of it. In other words when the conscious mind decides to do something the brain has already made that decision beforehand.

In summary we do not have free will.

Conditioned patterns are set up in the brain that create decisions over which the conscious mind has little control. In this technique the therapist starts working with the most intense moment of emotion, before the thinking mind runs its story.

My first client was a woman of 60 who was sexually abused at the age of 10.

In 20 minutes we transformed the experience! I know that sounds unbelievable. But there you have it.

The effect on her life was immense. She said that she felt lighter and calmer than she had in years and hadn’t felt as warm and loving toward her husband in the last 7.

All of this in 20 minutes!

I worked with another woman who had never spoken previously to a large audience. She had to do a business presentation to 1,000 people. I watched the video of her presentation. She was unbelievably confident, relaxed, authentic and spontaneous. As her husband said to me, “She smashed it!”

Another client had been abandoned by women in two of his previous relationships. He had constant nightmares about his present girlfriend abandoning him. We did the process, again in about 20 minutes.

He had 2 dreams after the work, which were completely neutral i.e. none of the anxieties were there. Thereafter the dreams stopped completely. The anxieties dissipated.

I worked with the CEO of an IT company. He was very stressed by his work. We took his biggest stress, being deeply insulted by one of his major suppliers. Again this feeling of hurt and rejection was dissolved in about 20 minutes.

A month later he most fascinatingly told me that this supplier had started to be much more respectful toward him and said, “She is now ‘liking’ my Facebook posts!”

The process is also extraordinary in dealing with grief.

What’s fascinating about this work is that one of the reasons why we can’t change deep-seated emotional stress and trauma and pain is that we are trying to change it with the conscious mind, with the cerebral cortex, while the brain is already producing the negative emotions before the conscious mind is able to influence them.

With this technique we go right to the moment where the worst trauma or stress occurred and transform it from there. It’s truly astonishing.

Control and Self-Esteem

You might be asking at this juncture, “So what is the point of this discussion. So what if we have or do not have control”

My response to this is that the issue of control is fundamental to our well-being and happiness, to our Self-Esteem.

Why?

Well, you might have noticed how often I talk about how much we want to control the world, ourselves and our environment, 500 to 1,000 times a day in fact. If we are wanting to control everything so much and the reality is that we can’t, then an enormous amount of our energy is going into trying to do something which is bound to fail. That is going to have a devastating impact on our lives, yes? Failed attempts at control lead to stress, anxiety, loss of Self-Esteem and ultimately depression.

We do on the other hand appear to have come degree of choice. The world looks very different now from the way it did 400 years ago.

That is due to creativity.

Where did that creativity come from?

My sense is that it is Pure Consciousness that naturally and spontaneously creates ‘newness’, undetermined by the past. It is syntropy in action.What I am therefore recommending is that we honour the ways in which this creativity expresses itself while simultaneously surrendering to that over which we have no control. My experience in doing this is that it is liberation into freedom.

Celebrating Helplessness

 I recently created a process called Celebrating Helplessness.

Every client I have worked with using this process feels a lightness and a Stillness when they surrender to that over which they have no control.

I worked with a man whose wife had just left him.

He tried everything he could to get her back. I helped him to see that he was completely helpless in the face of her abandoning him. When he was trying to get her back he was lost in his desperate and helpless story of pain and anguish and trying to understand why she had left him. I helped him to acknowledge the complete helplessness he faced in trying to get her back.

He had tried everything he knew to get her back by the way and he had failed.

I then asked him to surrender to the helplessness that he was feeling around this issue and his entire energy transformed, the desperation disappeared. At times, out of habit, he would go back into the agony of his story of why she was doing this or that or not responding to him and I helped him to see that every time he left the sense of surrender he would freak himself out.

In other words as soon as he was trying to control something that was beyond his control he became desperate. When he surrendered to his lack of control he became peaceful and energised and still.

And so we get to the core of this blog.

When we surrender to our lack of control, what emerges is a great Stillness and the Stillness is not passive.

It enables a spontaneous and creative movement that is vital and alive and deeply spirited. And that Spirit is creative and is not determined or controlled by anything.

It is a great paradox.

To reach and connect with this energy requires a deep surrender to what is.

If you would like to pursue any of the issues raised in this blog in a face to face or Skype consultation, please contact mail me at realmark@icon.co.za

 To read any of Mark’s blogs, go to: http://loveyourselffornoreason.com/blog/