#this song is also good for any far cry 5 enjoyers if you think about it

[legally-a-bastard]

HEY HEY YOU PEOPLE WHO LIKE FALLOUT AND SHIP CHARACTERS. HAVE I GOT AN ABSOLUTE TREAT OF A SONG FOR YOU

[chocoholicannanymous]

Concepts of Insanity (Glee)

AN: No proofreading whatsoever. Subject to rewrite if I change my mind about it. Take it or leave it.

Concepts of Insanity

“Kurt? Oh, there you are, good. We have an emergency!”

Kurt smiles a little as he finishes up rearranging the flowers. He adores Isabelle, he really does, but she's a bit...excitable. There's always an emergency, or a disaster, or a catastrophe. So far today there's been four, unless he's miscounting; a lose hem, a missing delivery of non-alcoholic champagne, Isabelle almost fainting from forgetting to eat, and the flowers he's currently fixing not being enough something or other. He's actually kind of curious what it is this time.

He gives the flowers a last look, nods with satisfaction and turns around. The smile on his lips dies the second he meets Isabelle's eyes. This isn't a normal emergency.

“What's wrong?”

“The musicians are here, only the vocalist is currently throwing up to the point where they've called an ambulance.”

Kurt winces. That doesn't sound good for whoever it is. Also it really doesn't sound good for them. Isabelle had gone out on a limb with the small ensemble she'd hired for the event, deciding to make the music more than a background by having some songs performed with vocals. To have the vocalist missing would throw off the setlist. Maybe not enough for most people to notice, but at an event like this? Someone would definitely notice.

Especially since word seemed to have spread.

“I've spent the last ten minutes on the phone, and there's not a single vocalist to be had. This is so bad, Kurt! I'm never going to hear the end of this.”

Kurt hesitates, uncomfortable with voicing his possible solution, but deciding to offer it up anyway. It's Isabelle.

(Plus Rachel will never forgive him if he doesn't and she finds out.)

“I know it's not what you were aiming at, but my roommate is a NYADA student, and I know that most of the songs you picked out is in her wheelhouse. I could call her? If she answers she could hop in a cab and be here in 30 minutes.”

Isabelle looks a bit hesitant, but nods.

“Please do. I'll pay for the cab too, obviously. Check back with me in 5 minutes?”

Kurt agrees and hurries out to a silent space, phone in hand already dialing as he walks. There's no response for his first call, and Kurt leaves a hurried voice mail for Rachel to call him asap as it's an emergency. He then sends the same message as a text before trying to call again. He manages to squeeze in a total of five calls before he has to return to Isabelle, without response.

Maybe Rachel's in the shower again. Or singing. Or on a date with Brody.

“I'm sorry, Isabelle. I couldn't get hold of her.”

“Never mind, I have an idea. Can you do it?”

Kurt stares at her, not quite believing he heard her right.

“Me?” She nods and he shakes his head. “Isabelle, you've never even heard me sing!”

“True. But honey, I know how good you are with fashion. For you to chose music over that you have to be either insanely talented or just insane. So, will you do it?”

Kurt wants to shake his head again. What she's suggesting is crazy. Yes, Kurt can sing, but... His focus on music is more and more looking like insanity. He's just gotten rejected by Carmen Tibideaux a second time, for crying out loud. “Devoid of complexity and depth” echoes through his skull.

Except. This is Isabelle asking. His fairy godmother of sorts. He owes her.

“Are you sure? I'll do it, if you really want, but I'm not going to be anywhere as good as whoever you'd hired,” or Rachel for that matter, “and I don't want to ruin this for you.”

“You are going to be amazing. Thank you, Kurt, you're a lifesaver!”

And with that Isabelle floats off, leaving Kurt in a dazed state. He's going to panic, sooner or later, but for now he's still too stunned for it.

Right. His first action has to be to talk to the ensemble. The plan was to have the vocalist on three sets of three songs throughout the evening, but he's not entirely clear on what numbers had finally been picked. He will probably need to review lyrics up until the guests arrive, provided he can actually manage all of them. He's got a good range, yes, but that's not everything.

Oh, and he should swing by Isabelle's office and nab the blue west he'd spotted earlier – he'd dressed to fade against the wallpaper, not to be seen.

The first set goes well, as does the second. By the third and final he's lost enough of his nerves to let Isabelle drag him out on the floor instead of going off to hide as he'd initially planned. Several people drop by to talk, and he gets more than a few compliments. Maybe it's more about looking good to Isabelle than about actually liking it, but Kurt will take it anyway.

“So, you must be not just a talented singer but talented in fashion too for Isabelle to have taken you under her wing. Do you study fashion or music?”

The woman, Nadia something, asking sounds genuine and so Kurt gives her a small smile and answers as pleasantly as he can.

“Neither actually. I'm applying to NYADA though.”

There's a flash of something in her face, but Kurt can't quite make out what it is.

“For the spring semester? Ah.” She hesitates, sends a look towards where Isabelle is talking animatedly about something, and then looks at Kurt again.

“Can I be honest? Carmen Tibideaux is a very talented woman, in everything she does, and she's got an eye for picking out talent. However, she's also got a bit of a reputation.

“She loves to discover new talent that others overlook. Except every now and again she'll go about it in a rather underhanded way. She'll have someone audition, someone talented but a little raw around the edges. Someone with a ton of talent but a weak resumé, often with a little less self-esteem than most performers. She'll praise them and then turn them down. Most of the time they'll come back, looking for a second chance – she said they were great, right? Surely that means they'll get the part sooner or later, if they just approach it right.”

Kurt swallows. It sounds a little too familiar for comfort.

“Sometimes she'll turn them down both a second and third time, and then she'll put them on the spot, giving them another chance as long as they step out of their comfort zone and perform to her standards. And then she'll take them, and she'll own them. They'll go through their whole careers claiming they owe it all to her.”

She looks Kurt in the eyes, sincerity radiating out of her – but Kurt knows how little that means, in these circles – and a kind expression on her face.

“I'm not saying that's you, but for you to be applying to the spring semester, with your level of talent... If she's doing it to you, you should know you're not the first, and I doubt you'd be the last.

“Any school would be well served to have you as a student, I think. I already know you're talented, and as I know Isabelle I also know you have to be hardworking. Plus, seeing as that ensemble always works with a female vocalist I'm assuming something happened to have you step in at the last minute, meaning you stand up to pressure.

“NYADA is not the only school in New York for a young man like you, and I'd argue that it's not the best either. Think about what I've said, will you? And thank you again for a very enjoyable performance.”

It's only years of pretending in the face of bullies and a worried father that allows Kurt to pull of a believable goodbye and graceful exit. After this he's definitely hiding in Isabelle's office, damn it.

When Kurt comes back to the loft it's late and he wants nothing more to fall into bed, nighttime routines be damned. But Rachel's sitting on the couch, waiting for him judging from the expectant look on her face.

“I tried to call you.” It comes out a little flat, but Kurt doesn't have the energy to pretend. He needed her, called an emergency damn it, and she hasn't even texted him back in the six hours since his frantic calling.

“I heard, but I was busy practicing my number for tomorrow.” She doesn't even look sorry.

“Oh? I thought you said you didn't have any assignments for tomorrow.” That was why he'd felt safe calling her, after all.

She just waves a hand, clearly not too bothered.

“Nothing official, no, but that's no reason not to be ready to perform. I'm sure there will be an opening for me to dazzle my classmates.” And she goes on to describe the songs she's considered, and who's done them, and why her version is better, and Kurt just...tunes her out.

She hasn't even asked what he wanted. It's as if the thought hasn't even passed her mind. Well. If she's not interested then he's not going to waste his time telling her – especially not since she's bound to get upset over losing an opportunity to perform for an actual audience. He's also not going to waste his time listening to her go on about what she'd done instead of checking in on him.

“I'm going to bed.”

“Kurt! I need your input on this, surely bed can wait a bit?” When he shakes his head  her face hardens. “Fine, be that way. NYADA is hard, you know. It takes dedication. Maybe if you showed a little more of that you would have gotten accepted.”

Kurt shoves down the desire to slap her and bites out a “goodnight” before stalking off to bed. He can't believe she went there. Oh wait, he can. It's so Rachel, to just look at herself and ignore everything else. Show more dedication? Devoid of complexity and depth. Fuck her. Fuck them both.

Kurt had knocked his audition out of the park. Rachel and madam Tibideaux both had admitted that. Meanwhile Rachel had choked. Yet he'd been rejected while Rachel fucking Berry swanned around NYADA claiming to be dedicated. She never should have gotten accepted based on her audition. And somehow he just knows that there's no way she'd admit that Kurt should have been given that spot, not her.

As for madam Tibideaux and her “I rarely give anyone a second chance and if I do it's on my terms”... Bah! Rachel had harassed her way into her second chance. Hell, she'd recruited several others to also harass the madam on her behalf.

But somehow Kurt reapplying was the foul thing here. Right.

Maybe it was time he looked at options other than NYADA. That woman at the vogue event, she'd said that other schools might be a better fit for him. She'd sounded like she knew what she was talking about. Unlike Kurt, honestly, who'd pinned his hopes on NYADA based on Rachel. Hindsight has him questioning if he'd been slipped something, because leaving his college education up to whatever Rachel wanted? Insanity.

Well. Insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting a different result, right? Clearly it's time to change his approach.

O--o---o--O

A week later Rachel comes home from the NYADA Winter Showcase bubbling about her success and how she's taken them all by storm. She makes a snide comment or two about how Kurt should have been able to see it for himself, had he taken the ticket she'd gone through so much trouble to acquire for him instead of doing whatever (it's called work), and Kurt just nods. He doesn't really care, but. He has to at least pretend to listen to preserve peace in the loft.

“Oh, I almost forgot! Madam Tibideaux asked after you.”

Kurt stills like a dog scenting prey. This he wants to hear.

“Oh?”

“Yes, apparently she was considering giving you another chance at applying. I don't know why she had to do it tonight, as it's for NYADA students and you're not, but she did. You should probably contact her. If you apologize properly she might still be open to it.”

Rachel looks at him, waiting for a reaction and clearly not pleased with what she's seeing.

“Well?”

“I'll think about it, Rachel. Calm down.”

And he will. Only he's not too eager to apologize to madam Tibideaux, or give her another chance to toy with him and probably reject him (he didn't show up for what she had planned, after all). It all sounds very much like what Nadia described at the vogue event. He listened. He might not have liked what he heard, or wanted to believe it, but he listened. In more than one way.

Over the past seven days he's written half a dozen applications to various music schools in New York, and sent them out. His current favorite is the New School, where a tour of the campus has given him a very good vibe. He'd be happy there, he thinks, and they might be happy with him. At least that's his take from meeting a couple of faculty members, one of the more prestigious of which just so happens to be Nadia.

Who would have guessed that doing a favor for Isabelle would lead to this? He might just owe her even more by now. Fairy godmother indeed.

~ The End ~

[inevitably-johnlocked]

hey do you know any johnlock fanfictions, that are very slow burn and at first it's just sherlock being sad that him and john are never going to get together (maybe after the wedding or something) but have a happy ending? (possibly with 100k+ words)

Hey Nonny!

Ahhhh I like to argue that ALL my slow burn recs are especially painful, LOL LOL!! I didn’t have a lot of over 100 K ouchie-burn fics, so I’ve decided to quickly go through all my fics tagged “slow burn” and give you all the fics I KNEW gave me too many feels when I read them because of the burn!! So I hope that’s okay!!

And as always, Lovelies, I’ve certainly missed a lot of fics because of improper tagging or just too many sleepy nights skimming my bookmarks, so feel free to add your faves!

BURN SO SLOW IT HURTS

See also:

Love Confessions / Slow Burn / Dev. Rel. (Fluff Version)

Falling In Love / Slow Burn / Dev. Rel. || [MOBILE POST] (April 2019)

Slow Burn / Dev. Rel. / Falling in Love Pt. 3 (Nov. 2019)

Slow Burn / Dev Rel. Pt. 4 (Apr 2020)

Mutual Pining

Pining Sherlock || [MOBILE FRIENDLY VERSION]

Pining John

A Lifetime Together by LondonGypsy (M, 8,886 w., 1 Ch. || Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Falling in Love, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Pining Idiots, Alternating POVs, Domestics, Retirement) – John and Sherlock falling in love.

You fit me, Sherlock Holmes by orphan_account (G, 10,077 w., 1 Ch. || It’s An Experiment, Bed Sharing, Slow Burn, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, Mutual Pining, Questionable Science) – An unfortunate series of events leads to John accepting being a part of Sherlock's study in physical intimacy. As the days pass by, John realizes he might be in for more than he bargained for. He doesn't entirely mind.

Down with this Ship by FrostedFlame (PinkOrchid) (M, 10,862 w., 10 Ch. || For a Case, Gay Bar, Pining, Coming Out, Slow Burn) – Sherlock drags John undercover to a gay bar - for a case, of course - looking forward to seeing John flustered by their surroundings (since you know, he's NOT GAY). John decides that he has hidden both his orientation and his feelings for his daft flatmate for far too long. He is done hiding, time to be honest with his bloody best friend in the world. He just hopes it won't change anything between them. And then it does.

The Slow Burn by CaitlinFairchild (E, 12,097 w., 4 Ch. || Romance, Emotional Infidelity, Friends to Lovers, Sherlock POV, First Kiss/Time, Fix-It) – John smiles, something small and private and for him alone, and Sherlock just...he knows. With a heart-stopping certainty, Sherlock suddenly knows. It feels like falling off the edge of a cliff. It feels like falling off the edge of the world. It feels like flying.

Merlot by Itsallfine (E, 14,844 w., 17 Ch. || Christmas, Pining Sherlock, Wine, Slow Burn, First Kiss / Time, Love Confessions, Wine, Holmes Family) – Sherlock and John work toward becoming something more as they prepare to host the Holmes parents at 221B for the holidays. Part of 25 Days of Fic-Mas 2015.

Pleasure to Burn by scullyseviltwin (E, 17,863 w., 1 Ch. || Firefighter AU, Firefighter John / Arson Investigator Sherlock, Slow Burn, Pining, Case Fic-ish) – “If you’d kindly stop knocking about in there and destroying all of my evidence, it would be most appreciated!” John groaned and for a moment rested his head against the side of the truck. Of course he was the only captain left on the scene, which meant he would have to be the one to deal with the arson investigator.

Permanent Fixture by vitruvianwatson (E, 18,836 w., 9 Ch || Post-S4, Parentlock, Slow Build, Friends to Lovers, They’re Good Parents, Blushing Sherlock, First Kiss/Time, Explicit Consent, Sexual Content, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Big Feelings, Crying, First Kiss, Fluff, Anxious Sherlock, Inexperienced Sherlock, Emotional Communication, Love Confessions) – Now, as Rosie sat curled up against Sherlock’s side, John watched and wondered exactly how he had ended up here. Domesticity had never suited him before, not at any point in his life. His disastrous marriage had been proof of that. But somehow, here in the warmth and safety of 221B Baker Street, here with Sherlock Holmes reading medical jargon to his daughter, Sherlock’s bony feet nudging against his leg, John couldn’t imagine anyplace that would make him happier.

Out of the Woods by SilentAuror (E, 20,471 w., 1 Ch. || Post S4, Romance, Slow Burn, Flirting, Drunk Sex, Practical Jokes, POV Sherlock, Bottomlock, Possessive John, Pining Sherlock, Frustrated Wanking, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, First Kiss/Time, Virgin Sherlock, Love Confessions, Soft Sherlock, Dancing, Bum Appreciation, Hanging out with the Yard) – Sherlock is fairly certain that John has taken to flirting with him of late, but can't be entirely certain of it. At least, not until a case takes them into a forest, along with Lestrade's team and something happens that will change everything about their lives...

whiskies neat by Ellipsical (E, 20,660 w., 15 Ch. || Alternate First Meeting, POV Second Person Sherlock, Slow Burn, One Night Stand, Rimming, Blow Jobs, Anal, Soldier John, Crying, Emotional Lovemaking, Switchlock) – Home and hearth and whiskies neat, or, alternatively, Sherlock Holmes falls in love.

Ghost Stories by SwissMiss (M, 22,256 w., 1 Ch. || Pining, Holmes Family, Christmas, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Bed Sharing, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, First Time) – Sherlock's parents think he and John are a couple. They might be onto something.

The Sexual Awakening of Sherlock Holmes and Dr. John Watson by suitesamba (M, 24,579 w., 10 Ch. || Post-TRF, Case Fic, H/C, First Kiss/Time) – Sherlock owes Mycroft a favour. Mycroft calls in that favor by offering Sherlock's consulting services in a charity auction. Sherlock and John soon find themselves at the country manor of Mrs. Ives-Patton Smarmington III - not very coincidentally a long-time friend of Sherlock's mother - where they are reluctant participants in her Murder Mystery Weekend. It's a play within a play for Sherlock and John, and their roles for the weekend event bleed over into their real lives, waking the sleeping dragons within.

Tomorrow's Song by agirlsname (M, 24,645 w., 5 Ch. || Post-TRF, POV Sherlock, Angst with a Happy Ending, Virgin / Repressed Sherlock, Love Confessions, Slow Burn, Pining, Jealous Sherlock) – How can he think a relationship with me would be a good idea? I am the sort of person to take a break from my life and when I come back after two years, I expect to find it exactly as I left it. In reality I find it shattered to pieces. (I actually equate you with my life. When did I start doing that?)

State of Flux by Atiki (E, 24,655 w., 4 Ch. || S3 Fix It, Sherlock POV, Slow Burn, First Kiss/Time, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Cuddles and Snuggles, Awkwardness, Insecure/Virgin Sherlock, Romance, Humour, Masturbation, Love Declarations, Bottomlock, Brief Suicidal Ideations) – John’s marriage is over and he is finally back home (i.e. at Baker Street, where he belongs). Sherlock is awfully insecure and John is awfully hesitant, and they’re both awkward idiots, of course, but they figure it out. Many First Times happen.

Hitting the Water at Sixty Miles an Hour by what_alchemy (E, 30,568 w., 5 Ch. || Fake Rel., Roadtrips, Slow Burn, Mummy Holmes) – “You love your mother, Sherlock?” John watched the muscles in Sherlock’s jaw jump. He nodded in one sharp jerk. “Then we’re going to her party and making her happy.” John let out a resigned sigh. “As a ruddy couple, you bastard.”

The Kissing Disease by cottonballz_of_death (E, 30,856 w., 15 Ch. || Sickfic, Angst with Happy Ending, Case Fic, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Jealous Sherlock, Body Image Issues, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional H/C, POV Sherlock, Oral / Anal, Thong, Frottage) – John brings home a boyfriend, shocking Sherlock, who long ago gave up hope that his straight flatmate would ever take a romantic interest in him. In a bid to reconnect with John, he tries to infect himself with a "harmless" virus. Neither of them is prepared for the emotional fallout that results.

An Acquired Taste by kinklock (E, 31,059 w., 4 Ch. || Vampires AU || Vampire Sherlock, Misunderstandings, Bat!Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Humour, Magical Realism, Fluff and Angst, Blood Drinking, Holmes Family, Slow Burn) – At Montague Street when Sherlock was forced to sate his body’s needs, he was at least able to wander about the flat as much as he pleased. At Baker Street, it was mini-bags in a mini-fridge and bedroom confinement.

The Winter Garden by Callie4180 (T, 31,213 w., 13 Ch. || Post-S4, Retirement, Christmas, Slow Burn, Grown-Up Rosie, Parenthood, Rosie’s Cat, Angst with Happy Ending, Holidays, Beekeeping, Magical Realism, Sherlock POV, Sherlock’s Violin, Future Fic, Sussex, Honey, Magical Healing Honey, Love Confessions, Sherlock’s Scar, First Kiss, Touching, Mycroft is Dying) – As Sherlock nears the end of his career, he's given the gift of a cottage in Sussex. The honey from the beehives out back is amazing. Almost...magical.

Love or What You Will by miss_frankenstein (T, 31,987 w., 11 Ch. || College/Uni AU || Professor John, Ph.D Student Sherlock, Pining John, Poetry, Falling in Love / Slow Burn, Light Angst, Happy Ending) – John is an English professor who specializes in War and Post-War Literature and Sherlock is the brilliant yet impossible Ph.D. student assigned to be his TA because no one in the Chemistry Department is willing to put up with him. And - somewhere between Waugh and Plath, e-mails and takeaway, novels and villanelles - they fall in love.

Five Times They Kissed for a Case, and One Time They Kissed for Real by fleetwood_mouse (M, 32,406 w., 6 Ch. || 5+1, Slow Burn, Fluff / Angst, Mutual Pining, Friends to Lovers) – A stolen ring! An artful blogger! And many more adventures for your enjoyment.

carrying up his morning tea by darcylindbergh (E, 34,504 w., 5 Ch. || Post S3, Minor Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Wakes/Funerals, Estranged John, Pining Sherlock, Depression/Insecurity, Slow Burn, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Chronic Pain/Injury, Reconciliation, Awkwardness, Loneliness, Scars, Angst With Happy Ending) – His fingers tremble as he dials and he can’t force them steady. Familiar number, even though he hasn’t used it in two years. He isn’t even sure he should be calling it now, but she’d asked. She’d made him promise.

LHR-HNL by scullyseviltwin (E, 35,066 w., 7 Ch. || Hawaiian Vacation, Post-TRF, Friends To Lovers, Slow Burn, Just Talk Already, Drinking, Mutual Pining) – In need of an endangered flora sample, Sherlock and John must make a trip to an unexpected destination.

The Boy Who Drank Stars by kinklock (E, 36,157 w., 4 Ch. || Howl’s Moving Castle AU || Witches and Wizards, Slow Burn, Magic, Jealous John, Happy Ending, Bed Sharing) – “I’m looking for a castle,” John informed the scarecrow. “A moving one.”Except that, as it turned out, it was not a moving one at all.

A Promise Made to Be Broken by PlantsAreNeat (E, 37,018 w., 7 Ch. || Fake Relationship, Pining, Slow Burn, RST, Eventual Relationship, POV Sherlock) – A young John makes an ‘if we’re still single at 40, we’ll get together’ pledge to a woman who ends up all wrong for him. She keeps reminding him of the promise, and won’t let go of it. John asks Sherlock to pose as his boyfriend at a family wedding, so as to dash her hopes permanently. Sherlock, who has at last acknowledged his feelings for John, reluctantly agrees despite knowing how painful it will be to ‘have’ John, but not keep him.

Right Hand Man by SilentAuror (E, 42,031 w., 4 Ch. ||  H/C, Injury, Slow Burn) – When John's left arm becomes paralysed after a car accident, Mary asks Sherlock to take him back to Baker Street to recuperate, as she's about to give birth. Despite the fact that the search for Moriarty is ongoing, Sherlock takes John in and takes responsibility for overseeing his rehabilitation as he adjusts to the loss of his arm.

Left by lifeonmars (M, 45,153 w., 9 Ch. || Magical Realism, BAMF!John, Slow Burn) – John Watson is left-handed. He’s tried not to let it affect his life, but as any Lefty knows, that’s almost impossible.

The Real Great Perfumers by shelleysprometheus (E, 45,355 w., 68 Ch. || Case Fic, Alternating POV, Gay Sherlock / Bi John, Canon Compliant with Divergence at TRF, Friends to Lovers, Oral / Anal, Pining, First Kiss / Time, Dev. Rel., Drugging, Body Worship, Bathing, Love Confessions, Travelling, Bottomlock, Cranky Sherlock, BJ’s, Alternating POV, Jealous John) – The case, this case. This extraordinary, fascinating, scintillating case. A house. Designed entirely by its eccentric owner, built by no less than five hundred expert tradesmen in the heart of Marrakesh. A house that had, seemingly not only driven its owner out, but also to his quite unpleasant death. And a perfumer, a chemist no less, the very thought of the secrets that house could reveal, would reveal was irresistible. Sherlock had to have this case ... and it seems, he also had to have John! Part 1 of the Forethought and Fire series

Corpus Hominis by mycapeisplaid (E, 47,709 w., 12 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Case Fic, Fluff, Romance, Frottage, Angst, Anal, Blow Jobs, Rimming, Spas / Massages, Shampoo, Jealousy, Fake Relationship) - John knows the human body intimately. He’s had plenty of opportunity for study as a doctor, soldier, and lover. There’s one particular body, however, he knows very little about. When Sherlock launches himself head-first into a new obsession and they get sent on a case in an unlikely location, the pair discovers each other’s bodies with confusing yet delightful (and sometimes hilarious) results.

The Norwood Love Builders by flawedamythyst (T, 47,798 w., 9 Ch. || Fake Relationship, Case Fic, Slow Burn, Post TRF Angst) – Sherlock and John go undercover to solve the murder of Joanna Oldacre, but things are complicated by the many feelings John has been repressing in the wake of Sherlock's faked death and return.

The Pieces That Fall to Earth by Itsallfine (M, 49,513 w., 84 Ch. || S4 Fix-It, Epistolary, Love Confessions, Slow Burn, Parentlock, Past Abuse, Coming Out, Internalized Homophobia, Questioning Sexuality, Mental Health Issues / Therapy, Angst, Happy Ending) – John and Sherlock have hit rock bottom, but with all their armor stripped away, they can finally speak honestly, seek healing, and find the truths that matter most. An epistolary post-s4 fix-it fic. Now complete. (This fic is rated T except for one very clearly marked and easily skippable chapter, which is rated M.) Part 1 of The Pieces that Fall to Earth

Anchor Point by trickybonmot (E, 49,856 w., 80 Ch. || Truman Show AU || Psychological Drama, Suspense, Slow Burn, Dark Characters / Fic, Alternating First/Third Person, Protective John, Anxious/Worried Sherlock, Tender Moments, Love Confessions, Hand/Blow Jobs, Cuddling, Jealous John, First Kiss/Time) – The world tunes in nightly for Sherlock, the ultimate in reality TV: Sherlock Holmes, a real person with a legendary name, unknowingly lives out his life in a staged setting contrived by his brother. Things get complicated when a retired army doctor joins the show to play the part of Sherlock's closest friend. This fic borrows its concept from the 1998 film, the Truman Show. However, you don't need to have any knowledge of the movie to enjoy this story.

Triage by scullyseviltwin (E, 51,612 w., 14 Ch. || Character Injury, Introspection, Pining Sherlock, Falling in Love, Slow Burn, Sherlock POV, Toplock) – Sherlock’s mind goes exceedingly, devastatingly quiet and gray-blank. When he speaks it’s through a thick haze, it’s through molasses, he’s so disconnected from the words that it may as well be the unconscious shooter speaking.

In the Dark Hours by hubblegleeflower (E, 51,639 w., 12 Ch. || Friends to Lovers, Unreliable Narrator, Closeted Bi John, Angst, Miscommunications, Slow Burn, First Time, John’s Blog / Epistolary, Selective Mutism) – John, wounded and silent, drifts back to Baker Street for healing...and then goes home again. He visits, gets more upbeat, chattier, smiles, jokes... and still goes home again. Sherlock wants him to move back in - it just makes sense - but John shows no signs of doing so. This is the story of how John and Sherlock learn to say what needs to be said when they're both so very, very rubbish at talking.

Spare Change by Ermerness (E, 51,966 w., 14 Ch. || Rich Holmeses AU || First Kiss / Time, Holmes Family, Virgin Sherlock, Anal, First Meetings, Bossy Bottomlock) – The Holmes family is one of the richest and most powerful in England. Sherlock spends his time flying around the world on the family's private jet drinking a lot and shopping at expensive boutiques as a way of trying to alleviate his endless boredom. His mother decides it's time he settles down with someone powerful, wealthy and well connected. John Watson happens to be none of those things.

Coventry by standbygo (E, 52,020 w., 26 Ch. || Dollhouse AU || Case Fic, Slow Burn, Sci-Fi / Fantasy, First Kiss / Time, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, BAMF John, Falling in Love) – “Let me get this straight,” John said, wondering when his life had become a science fiction film. “Some guy orders up a personality, a person, to his specifications, and they program this into a real live person, who has consented to do this, and she goes to this person and acts as his wife, or lawyer, or Royal Marine, or Navy Seal or what have you, and she has all the skills, all the knowledge, everything? Then you say the magic words, and she follows you back to The House, and they erase it all until her next appointment?”

Points by lifeonmars (E, 53,791 w., 42 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || HLV Rewrite / Canon Divergence, Married Life, Pregnancy / Baby Watson, Drinking to Cope, Boxing / Fisticuffs, Clueless John, Angst, Minor Medical Drama, Tattoos, Christmas, First Kiss/Time, Eventual Happy Ending, Love Confessions, Doctor John, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Burn, Case Fic, Drugging, Blow/Hand Job, Emotional Love Making, Parenthood, Passage of Time) – What if His Last Vow never happened? This fic picks up a few months after John and Mary's wedding, in an alternate universe where Magnussen doesn't exist, but Mary is still pregnant. Life continues -- just in a different direction. And slowly, Sherlock and John find their way to each other.

Wars We Fought, Things We're Not by blueink3 (M, 55,204 w., 10 Ch. || Post S3 / Post TAB, Parentlock, Fluff & Angst, Kidnapping, Whump, Post-TAB, UST/URT, 3G, Mild Peril, Slow Burn, Couple for a Case, Protective Mycroft, Infant Death Pre-Story, Friends to Lovers) –  Five months after John's world has fallen apart, Mycroft sends the consulting detective and his doctor on a case that neither is prepared for.

A Hundred Crimson Sols by elldotsee (E, 55,536 w., 16 Ch. || Astronauts AU || Mars Exploration / Space Travel, Slow Burn, Shy Sherlock, Scientist Sherlock / Biomed Engineer John, Alternating POV, Mutual Pining, UST, Angst with Happy Ending, Domestic Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Injuries, Suicidal Ideation, Zero-G Sex) – Will Holmes is a chemical researcher recognized widely for his contributions to the new Mars exploration program. Thanks to his ground-breaking developments, the IMMC (International Mars Mission Corporation) is one step closer to Martian colonization. Will and his team of scientists are headed out on the first of three manned missions before the first group of settlers arrive. Three days before launch, one of the crew has to be replaced. Will panics because...new people. The replacement is of course one John Watson, biomedical engineer and space hottie who was pretty sure he had retired from actual space exploration and was now content to work in the nice, quiet research lab. Can the crew survive this TOTALLY ROUTINE trip? Will they be able to endure each other for the looooooong trip in close quarters? Gonna be a wild ride... prepare for blast off. Part 1 of SpaceBois go to Space

The Book of Silence by SilentAuror (E, 60,056 w., 2 Ch. || S4 Fix It / Post S4, Virgin Sherlock, Rosie / Parentlock, Domesticity, Fluff, Praise Kink, Sex Toys, First Person POV) – As spring blooms in London, John and Sherlock begin to take new cases and cautiously negotiate this new phase of life with John living at Baker Street again. Despite how well it's all going, John struggles to forgive himself for the way he treated Sherlock following Mary’s death as well as trying to figure out how to finally put his long-time feelings for Sherlock into words. Part 1 of The Book of Silence/Rosa Felicia

The Progress of Sherlock Holmes by ivyblossom (E, 62,006 w., 25 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || First Person Sherlock POV, Pining, Angst, Slow Burn, Infidelity, Sherlock Learns About Himself, Happy Ending) – Sherlock struggles with his feelings for John, makes a mistake, and learns just how important he and John are to each other. Non-BBC Mary / John, but it’s a *complicated* relationship.

Hell Sent, Heaven Bound by ConsultingHound (M, 64,381 w, 16 Ch. || Angels / Demons AU ||  Fallen Angel Sherlock / Angel Cop John, Alternate First Meeting, Slow Burn, Case Fic, John & Lestrade are Friends Before Sherlock, BAMF John, Mind Palace John, Friends to Lovers, John in Denial, Sherlock Picks Out John’s Clothing, Clubbing / Dancing, Mildly Jealous John, Awkwardness, Kidnapping, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Sacrifice, Worried / Anxious Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Immortal to Mortal) – Ex-War healer and current angelic guard John Watson is not having the best day. He overslept, he’s underpaid, and now there’s someone tagging the Council’s building walls. However things may be about to get interesting: there’s an unusual stranger hanging around (the definition of tall, dark, and handsome), a literal underground cult is brewing, and rumblings are coming from hell. Can he keep his neighbourhood safe, how and why is he being connected to all this, and who the hell is Sherlock Holmes?

You Have Drawn Red From My Hands by J_Baillier (T, 67,085 w., 17 Ch. || Three Garridebs, Heavy John Whump, Hurt / Comfort, Pining, Heavy Angst, Case Fic/Adventure, Slow Burn, Sick Fic, Injury, Guilt & Depression, Just Talk Already Please, Medical Realism, PTSD) –  John getting injured leads Sherlock on a path of guilt and revelations.

Being John Watson-ish by elwinglyre (E, 69,902 w., 17 Ch. || Bodysnatcher AU || Author John, Cranky Sherlock, Angst, Sexual Tension, First Kiss / Time, Falling in Love, BAMF John, Past Soldier John, Feelings, Inside Someone’s Brain, Shy Sherlock, Sherlock Loves John, POV Sherlock, Switchlock, Slow Burn, Internal Dialogue, Mental Turmoil) – When consulting detective Sherlock Holmes steps on one toe too many at a crime scene, he's consigned to a desk job in an archaic office on the seventh-and-a-half floor of the New Scotland Yard. It’s in this bleak office that Sherlock discovers a portal into the mind of renowned author John Watson. Grander than his mind palace, this new wonderland affords Sherlock new vistas of experimentation. To learn more about the mystery behind the portal, Sherlock seeks out and befriends Watson. But then it all goes wrong when others find the secret portal door—including the man whose brain he visits.

Just To Hold You Close by sussexbound (E, 70,841 w., 18 Ch. || Alternate First Meeting, Sherlock POV, ASD Sherlock, PTSD John, Demisexual Sherlock, Bisexual John, Cuddling/Snuggling, Platonic Cuddling, Enthusiastic Consent, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, First Kiss/Time, Sexual Tension, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Cuddle Negotiations, For a Case Until It Isn’t, Hair Petting, Sexual Negotiation, Anxiety, Trust Issues, Slow Burn, Panic Attacks, Frottage, Hand/Blow Jobs, Referenced Self Harm / Abuse / Suicidal Ideation, First Kiss/Time, Anal, Autistic Sherlock) – When a woman is murdered and the last person to see her alive is recently invalided army vet turned reluctant (and prickly) professional cuddler, John Watson, Sherlock Holmes is pulled into a world of intimacy and intrigue he never could have imagined. John is a conundrum and mystery: frank yet reserved, tender yet angry, open yet afraid. Sherlock is instantly drawn into his orbit, and begins to feel and desire things he never has before.

The Vapor Variant by 88thParallel (CanadaHolm) (M, 72,684 w., 18 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-THoB, John Whump, Protective Sherlock, Guilty Sherlock, Anxious/Worried Sherlock, Virgin Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, PTSD John, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Suspense, Virus, Sickfic, Big Brother Mycroft) – They stood face to face in the middle of a clearing. The dim light of the moon barely allowed Sherlock to see the glassy terror in John’s eyes and the sweat that glistened off his forehead. His nose was bleeding again, blood dripping in a slow stream from his right nostril. They were both gasping for air, John’s eyes locked on Sherlock’s. There was no recognition there, just wild animal fear. Time stood still for an eternal few seconds, and Sherlock took a shaky breath. “John—”Spell broken, John spun and bolted back into the woods. Still heaving for air, Sherlock took off after him.

Summit Fever by J_Baillier (M, 78,802 w., 18 Ch. || Mountain Climber AU || POV John, Angst, Tragedy, Suicidal Ideation, The Himalayas, Mountain Guide / Doctor John, Mount Climber Sherlock, Loneliness, Drama, Suspense, Slow Burn, Injured Sherlock / Sherlock Whump, Pining John) – After graduating from medical school, John Watson followed his heart to the Himalayas. Ten years later, he's a haunted cynic working for his ex-lover's trekking and mountaineering company. Will leading an expedition to Annapurna I—the most lethal of all the world's highest mountains—shake John out of his reverie, and who is the mystery client added to the group at the last minute?

Thermocline by J_Baillier (M, 83,557 w., 14 Ch. || Scuba Diving AU || Adventure, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Marine Archaeology, Asexual Sherlock, Horny John, Relationship Drama, Technical/Scuba/Wreck Diving, Slow Burn, Underwater /  Medical Peril, Doctor John, Hurt Sherlock, Anxious Sherlock, John POV, Protective John, Body Appreciation) – John "Five Oceans" Watson — technical dive instructor, dive accident analyst and weapon of mass seduction — meets recluse professor of maritime archaeology Holmes. As they head out to a remote archipelago off the coast of Guatemala to study and film its shipwrecks for a documentary, will sparks fly or fizzle out?

The Summer Boy by khorazir (T, 94,706 w., 6 Ch. || Post S3/Post TAB/Alternate S4, Friends to Lovers, Flashbacks, Sussex, Bullying, 1980′s Kid Sherlock, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Inexperienced Sherlock, Grief/Mourning, Pining Sherlock, Background Case Fic) – About half a year after the fateful events at Appledore, Sherlock and John embark on a private case in Sussex. For Sherlock, it’s a journey into his past, bringing up memories both happy and sad that he has locked away for almost thirty years. For John, it means coming to terms with the present – and a potential future with Sherlock. Part 1 of the The Summer Boy series

Given In Evidence by verityburns (M, 97,884 w., 19 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-TRF, Angst, Drama, Case Fic, Romance, BAMF!John, Submissive Sherlock, First Kiss, Humour) – Coming back from the dead can be a complicated business. With a new case on the horizon, rebuilding a life is one thing... rebuilding a friendship quite another. For Sherlock and John, things may never be just the same...

The Cost of a Wish by slashscribe (E, 102,493 w., 12 Ch. || xxxHolic Fusion || Spirits / Ghosts and Magic, Love Confessions, Slow Burn, Soul Mates / Fated Lovers, Adventure, Immortal Sherlock, Powerful John, POV John, Frottage, Wish Granting, Angst with Happy Ending, Nightmares) – John has been plagued by a secret his entire life that has made him feel hopeless until he meets a mysterious, seemingly omniscient man named Sherlock Holmes who owns a wish-granting shop. Their meeting sets off a series of inevitable events that will change the course of both of their lives forever.

The Wedding Garments by cwb (E, 105,390 w., 36 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Alternate Future AU || Alternate First Meeting, Dating / Arranged Marriages, Romance, First Kiss/Time, Heavy Petting, Cuddles, POV Sherlock, Virgin Sherlock, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn / Falling in Love / Dev. Rel., Nervous/Anxious Sherlock, Jealous/Cranky, Hiking, Vacation Homes / Honeymoon, Sherlock’s Family, Horny John/Sherlock, Patient John, Massages, Hand Jobs, Assassination Plots, Hand Jobs / Oral Sex, Case Fic, Emotional Love Making, Bath Time Fun) – This is the story of a young consulting detective who wants nothing to do with marriage and an army doctor who wants to find true love. It's 2020 post-Brexit England and the British government is encouraging arranged marriages. Candidates meet through state-run agencies and date in hopes of finding love (and tax benefits). Sherlock doesn't need or want a spouse, at least not until John Watson shows up. Hesitant to give in to his more carnal urges because of the way they derail his mind, how will Sherlock progress toward the more intimate aspects of a relationship? The answer lies in a very special wedding gift.

Maintenance and Repair by patternofdefiance (E, 106,650 w., 71 Ch. || Future AU, Augmentation || Augmented John, Depression, Body Modification, Slow Burn, Worldbuilding, Sci-Fi, Self-Care, Body Dysmorphia) – John wants to explain the rush of sensation and data, which is just another form of sensation (or is it the other way around?). John wants to say:Augmentation circuits report temperature, pressure, various forms of quantitative input. Sudden changes are reported as pain, since sudden changes are dangerous, and pain is the quickest way to encourage reflexive extraction. But all John can manage is, “Nng.” Because this sudden touch is not reporting as pain. Part 2 of STATIC

Eyes Up, Heels Down by CodenameMeretricious (E, 107,845 w., 43 Ch. || Sports Equestrian AU || Fluff, Angst, Humour, Rider!Sherlock, Groomer!John, Show Jumping, Slow Burn, Happy Ending) – Sherlock is a top eventing rider currently training at Baker Farms. John is the new groom who's been told to steer clear of the surly rider and his horses. Part 1 of Baker Farms

between each beat are words unsaid by darcylindbergh, hudders-and-hiddles (T, 107,998 w., 215 Ch. || Epistolary, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers, Angst, Happy Ending) – On their wedding night, John and Sherlock gift each other with the things they each said when the other could not hear, the things they each put down where the other could not see: a collection of writings that illustrate the way their love for one another has grown over the years. Part 1 of between each beat

A Further Sea by i_ship_an_armada & ShinySherlock (E, 125,492 w., 23 Ch. || Historical Pirates AU || Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Doctor John / Pirate Captain Sherlock, Sailing, UST / RST, Masturbation, Action / Adventure, Mild Angst & Peril, Romance, Shaving, Molly/Janine, Bottomlock, Hand / Blow Jobs, Past Drug Use, Slow Burn, Mild Violence, Facial Shaving, Happy Ending) – Here be a tale of adventure for both body and soul, but beware if ye be not of stout heart, for this be piratelock, ya savvy? Luckless ship's surgeon John Watson takes a chance, and finds himself eye to eye with The Ghost, the scourge of the seven seas and a definite thorn in the side of the blaggard, James Moriarty. But when John finds there's more to this most cunning pirate than be meetin' the eye, he has to choose... is it a pirate's life for him?

The Bang and the Clatter by earlgreytea68 (M, 137,049 w., 37 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Baseball AU || Slow Burn / Dev. Rel., Possessive/Obsessive Sherlock, Jealous Sherlock, Mutual Pining, Body Appreciation, Depression, Closeted Sexuality, Family, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Ogling Each Other, Anxious Sherlock, Panic Attack, Drunkenness, Talk of Forever, Big Feelings™) – Sherlock Holmes is a pitcher and John Watson is a catcher. No, no, no, it's a baseball AU. Part 1 of Baseball

Colors by Quesarasara (E, 140,537 w., 17 Ch. || Pleasantville-Inspired AU || Soulmates, Colour Bonds, Alternating POV, Angst, Fluff, Pining, Case Fic, Medical Procedures) – Everyone on earth is born with eyes that see in black, white, and an endless series of greys. When you meet your soulmate, you finally see the world in color. We're all searching for the person who brings color to our lives. John and Sherlock are no exception. Part 1 of The Colors 'Verse

The Adventure of the Silver Scars by tangledblue (NR [M], 142,458 w., 41 Ch. || S3 Fix-It, Post-HLV/ Post-TAB / Canon Compliant, Case Fic, No Baby, Angst, Humour, UST, Slow Burn, Angry John, Reconciliation, Not Nice Mary / Leaving Mary, Dependent Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Caretaker John, Fist Fights, It’s An Experiment, Virgin Sherlock, Dancing, Drugging, John Whump, Pet Names, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Scars) – It’s been thirteen months since Mary shot Sherlock and John finds he’s still pissed off about it. Sherlock had thought everything was settled: John and Mary, domestic bliss. But when John turns up at Baker Street with suitcases, the world’s only consulting detective might not be prepared for the consequences. A new case. Some old scores to settle. Certain danger. Concertos, waltzes, and whisky.

How to Build a Heart out of Ashes by Teumessian (E, 144,931 w., 31 Ch. || Changeling AU || Slow Burn, Drug Use, Mentions of Child Abuse / Bullying, Mentions of Student/Teacher Relations, Uni-Age) – In an AU where a small number of the population become Changelings at a young age, at 17 John Watson believes he's destined for Normal life but then the Change takes him and he is sent to the Baker Institute. There he meets Sherlock Holmes.

Performance In a Leading Role by Mad_Lori (E, 156,714 w., 21 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Hollywood / Actor AU, Secret Relationship, Falling in Love, Slow Burn, Romance, Coming Out, Fluff and Angst, Pining) – Sherlock Holmes is an Oscar winner in the midst of a career slump. John Watson is an Everyman actor trapped in the rom-com ghetto. When they are cast as a gay couple in a new independent drama, will they surprise each other? Will their on-screen romance make its way into the real world? Part 1 of Performance in a Leading Role

Mise en Place by azriona (M, 161,004 w., 28 Ch. || Restaurant (Kitchen Nightmares) AU || Sherlock is Gordon Ramsay / Celebrity Sherlock, Restauranteur John, Harry Plays Prominent Role, Alternating POV, Mutual Pining, Cranky Sherlock, Bed Sharing, Slow Burn) – John Watson had no intentions of taking over the family business, but when he returns from Afghanistan, battered and bruised, and discovers that his sister Harry has run their restaurant into the ground, he doesn't have much choice. There's only one thing that can save the Empire from closing for good – the celebrity star of the BBC series Restaurant Reconstructed, Chef Sherlock Holmes. Part 1 of Mise en Place

Sketchy by serpentynka (E, 184,053 w., 83 Ch. || Post-TRF, Post-Mary, John Whump, Slow Burn Love Story, Case Fic, Art, Porn With Feelings, Switchlock, Travelling, Career Change, Family Secrets, Illness / Health) – What (and who) will be left when nobody cares about your Work? A slow-burn fic with cases, places, mistaken identities, unfair choices, essential changes, violent feels, blatant lies, fearless portraiture, family secrets, high-risk bespoke gifts, durable friendships, bedtime stories, foreign travel and tongues, sickness (and health), and the significance of things which are slow to unfurl -- but cannot be ignored. Oh, and...porn. Part 1: Sherlock takes on an obvious case (barely a 4) and meets someone who will force him to re-examine what it means to see. Part 1 of Sketchy

Proving A Point by elldotsee & J_Baillier (E, 186,270 w., 28 Ch. || Me Before You Fusion || Medical Realism, Insecure John, Depression, Romance, Angst, POV John, Sherlock Whump, Serious Illness, Doctor John, Injury Recovery, Assisted Suicide, Sherlock’s Violin, Awkward Sexual Situations, Alcoholism, Drugs, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn, Body Image, Friends to Lovers, Hurt / Comfort, Pain, Big Brother Mycroft, Intimacy, Anxiety, PTSD, Family Issues, Psychological Trauma, John Whump, Case Fics, Loneliness, Pain) – Invalided home from Afghanistan, running out of funds and convinced that his surgical career is over, John Watson accepts a mysterious job offer to provide care and companionship for a disabled person. Little does he know how much hangs in the balance of his performance as he settles into his new life at Musgrave Court.

[moonbeamsung]

under the cut you will find my comprehensive brain dump about hot sauce <3

okay in addition to all the shitposts i made about the album as i listened for the first time, i have so much i wanna say about each track so here we go, even if no one reads this i don’t mind because i’m just posting it for myself! this is 15% semi-professional-sounding album review talk and the other 85% is me freaking out lol

hot sauce: someone said this is zimzalabim’s brother and i can’t stop thinking about it, but unlike that song it honestly didn’t take multiple listens for me to like the song itself. the only thing that was the slightest bit off-putting about it was the higher pitch of the chanting (which i still don’t know if i’m imagining or not) but i don’t mind it as much as i used to. the beat is so interesting and funky and the latin-ish(?) sound of some parts suits them unexpectedly well :,) all the members’ voices are so distinct and i think they all got a chance to shine, like even without looking at the line distribution it just seems pretty even to me when i listen. okay now onto the mv i think it’s super cool and when i saw it for the first time it felt like there was a lot going on and it was a little overwhelming but i think that’s just because it was 5 in the morning and my senses were overwhelmed lol (like the lyrics say o_o (i think??)) also JISUNG’S DANCE BREAK I AM ON THE FLOOR. he sounded so good sjdfbds. renjun’s adlibs (in the final chorus especially) are really something else and his lil duet part with jisung in prechorus 2 is amazing showstopping never been done before etc etc. haechan’s high note and jeno’s and mark’s (side note i can’t believe we really have 7dream again :,)) and jaemin’s raps and chenle’s voice throughout the entire thing are just,,, perfection omg. overall i love this song so much and think it was a great title track for them!!

diggity: IT GOES SO HARD IT’S CRAZY. first of all here are some timestamps that make me lose my mind: 0:30 i swear the adlib sounds like mark but the video shows that it’s renjun and he sounds😳whew. and 2:48.....jisung.........i can’t do this............for maximum pain watch a clip of him talking from 2016/2017 and then listen to this part but warning you may cry. HE SOUNDS SO SKDFBL WHEN DID HIS VOICE GET SO DEEP🥲like i knew it was but this is just. another level lmao but anyways, the bridge in this song as a whole sounds amazing!!! i’m very much in love with really small moments like the little “na na na”s in mark’s rap and the way they sound, sorta minor in tone. also love how the beats build up to the chorus each time and i just wanna bop my head to it! it seems like i hear new little harmonies and adlibs every time i listen and it’s such a nice mix of vocals and strong raps :)

dive into you: the VIBES of this song??? i liked it from the teaser but as i listen more and more it gets even better it seems. like imagine a summer roadtrip to the coast because that’s what this sounds like.  mark and jisung really started things off with one of the catchiest raps i’ve ever heard and everything about it is so perfect😩jaemin and jeno singing >>>> and chenle chose violence with his high note and hearing all the harmonies from every single one of them makes me so happy :> they’re so beautiful like aaaaa. also i just love the minor-sounding notes (that’s a favorite thing of mine can you tell) in the chorus with the “you-ooh” parts. VOCALIST JENO AT 2:36 IS THE PRETTIEST THING I’VE EVER HEARD DO YOU HEAR HIS HARMONY. can’t forget vocalist jisung either, any time he sings i’m just🥰which has happened a lot this cb which is GREAT :DD and then on top of all that, the track video is adorable and they look so happy!! driver haechan doesn’t hurt either lmao AND THE PERFORMANCES OF IT ARE SO CUTE TOO LIKE HHHH

my youth: something about this song sounds so nostalgic and it’s going on my driving playlist because it just gives me such a carefree feeling, like being on the highway or driving through a city at sunset. it’s really chill and it’s one of the softer songs on this album so it balances out the harder-hitting tracks :) jaemin’s rap is so nice, reminds me of how much i love his voice :( i heard a clip of them singing this song live and it doesn’t sound the slightest bit different, it really shows all their singing talents🥺

rocket: omg definitely another favorite of mine on the album, it’s so upbeat and reminds me of dream run!!! also it’s moonshine produced so you know it’s going to be a total bop. for some reason it feels like something that would play on a rollercoaster if they had music, the scales and the synth make it sound really fun and it’s extremely enjoyable to listen to, makes me wanna dance around :) jaemin’s rap with the little star wars line is cute hehe. and chenle’s “level up” part, he sounds SO GOOD! from the bridge towards the end, that’s my favorite part, it’s such an energetic beat and, like, bouncy? i guess? that’s not the best word but i really really really love this track☺️☺️☺️

countdown (3,2,1) : besides the fact that mark decided to k word me with that “explOsive” line at the opening i love this one too! it sounds futuristic almost. i never knew how much i needed to hear jisung say “control freak” before this and his singing voice at 1:15 and 3:11 and 3:24 is just wOw—plus his RAP I’M NOT GONNA RECOVER FOR A WHILE😔🤭......also love the transitions from jaemin into mark and then jeno for that part in the bridge and the buildup it has to the final chorus. i think haechan’s and renjun’s voices sound so good on this track like at that softer part? aND HOLY HECK IS HYUCK THE ONE DOING THOSE ADLIBS TOWARDS THE END BECAUSE IF SO DAMN. yes boys you are very dangerous

anl: why couldn’t they have just called it all night long because everyone’s reading it wrong🤠this one is really chill and i think the way it sounds kinda matches the vibe of their boring ver. photos, if that makes sense. it’s also going on my driving playlist!! i don’t know what to call the little twinkling sounds at the start but i love those, and mark’s voice is so soothing in this song🥺something about the way renjun sings “sky high” is gorgeous and jisung’s parts with the harmonies are truly a blessing to the ears :] the chorus sounds so inherently dream and i feel like track itself has something mature about it? (not in that way geez) but like it just shows how far they’ve come music-wise/vocally

irreplaceable: except for mark’s one english line in the bridge (you know the one don’t make me type it) (but it doesn’t make me cringe quite as much anymore) i also adore this song☺️if this track had a video, i’d picture it looking something like the cafe 7dream content. it sounds really acoustic and warm and like they could just be casually singing it together in a cozy cafe or studio! also, i realized that it reminds me of another dream song when i hear it and i figured out that it’s bye my first hehe. HAECHAN’S HIGH NOTE IS WITHOUT A DOUBT THE BEST PART, MARRY ME SIR.

be there for you: literally the renhyuckle ballad we’ve always wanted!!! i don’t even have that much to say because it’s just so beautiful, all three of their voices blend so well together and it’s such a comforting track. nct’s slower and softer songs like this are very distinct and have a gentle kind of power. listening to it feels like a hug and the harmonies and high notes and the extent of their vocal ranges are just so, so amazing.

rainbow: for all the times i’ve cried to it, i still love it :,) those first lyrics from chenle make me want to bawl my eyes out simply because his tone there is so nostalgic and pretty and sad-sounding, and reading the lyrics makes me even more emotional (or maybe i’m just overly sensitive oops). the softer raps and angelic vocals and every little harmony and adlib are EVERYTHING, this is another song that just suits the unit so well. regardless of their positions this track proves that every single member is beyond capable of being a vocalist. i don’t know why it seems like such a sad and nostalgic song to me, but it’s also really hopeful at the same time. it’s like this dreamscape of emotions (no pun intended), and the video is so otherworldly and enchanted it seems almost magical. the colors and the playground set? their expressions and interactions with one another? i swear, their friendship and bond is unlike any i’ve ever seen. this track also makes me think of how proud i am of them, and i wanna give them all the biggest hug in the world🥺

if you decided to read this whole thing i would like to say i’m sorry for the ramble but also thank you for being interested in what i had to say :)

[akatsuki-shin]

Review: 狼殿下 Láng Diànxià (The Wolf)

I’m finally done marathoning this show in the past week, so I thought I’m gonna write my comments on this drama here.

Summary: As a teenager, Ma Zhaixing, daughter of Kuizhou City Governor, Ma Ying, met a young boy at the mountain near her hometown who was raised by the wolves. A severe misunderstanding caused the boy to be implicated of murder and the two were separated, with the boy falling off a cliff, thinking that Ma Zhaixing had betrayed him, and Ma Zhaixing, with her leg broken, continued to live her life ridden with guilt.

Eight years later, the boy, who was apparently saved and adopted by their Emperor, Chu Kui - given the title Prince Bo (Bo Wang) - encountered Ma Zhaixing again after her family was suddenly massacred by an unknown assailants in the middle of the night.

However, their relationship was no longer as how it used to be and the two were tangled in the political conflict between the warring nations.

Main Cast(s):

Li Qin as Ma Zhaixing

Wang Talu as Bo Wang

Xiao Zhan as Ji Chong

Xin Zhilei as Yao Ji

Kuo Shuyao as Yelu Bao Na

Ding Yongdai as Chu Kui

Lin Yowei as as Chu Yougui 

Notes:

This review contains my personal view on the drama and does not represent the entire audience

There are spoilers

THE GOOD(S):

1. Action

Realistic, believable action and fighting scenes, both in small and large scale. A few weren't exactly perfect, but the majority of it is more than good enough to cover for the flaws.

Bo Wang's solo fights, his duels with Ji Chong, and Ji Chong's first battle in the forest (when he and the bandits were trying to kidnap Bao Na) were among the best; those are super cool and intense. They do use quite a lot of CGIs, and while it isn't exactly marvel (as in, you can tell it's fake), the visualization and movement are quite smooth so it doesn't disturb the atmosphere and our watching enjoyment.

Though, I'm a bit sad that Ji Chong's eagle, Zhui Ri, turns out to be a CGI, as well. It looks so real, I thought they were using a real bird. :'))

2. Supporting Characters

With the exception of the two main leads and a few other characters, I can say with confidence that I love the characters of this drama.

The charming, smart, and kind-hearted second male lead, Ji Chong.

The loyal Night Fury Trio - Wen Yan, Mo Xiao, and Hai Die.

The spoiled princess Yule Bao Na, whose first impression was nothing less than annoying, but grows to be the most lovable, supportive girl ever that makes me want to keep rooting for her.

They also have two of the best father characters I've ever seen in awhile, the King of Jin and Ma Ying.

Even a considerably minor character, like Grand Supervisor Shi, was nothing less than lovable, especially when he scolded Ji Chong like a worried mother after the latter finally returned home in seven years.

3. Music

The Wolf has some really beautiful soundtracks, and the songs are placed perfectly in every corresponding scene

4. Cameraworks

This is something quite technical and to be honest, I'm also not an expert in this. But I think the cameraworks in this drama were really good. The angle, how they switch the focus when taking certain characters in a certain scene further emphasizes the atmosphere, and it often serves as a great shot to the breathtaking outdoor sceneries where they shot this drama.

5. Visualization of how the story starts and ends

Xing-er and the Wolf Boy playing in the forest of Wolf Mountain.

------

THE BAD(S):

1. The Main Leads' Relationship

Generally, the big plot and conflict are actually pretty interesting. The politics, the wars, the betrayals, how the opposing sides are trying to trick and outsmart each other are all a classic that we've often seen in many historical dramas and movies. Personally, I never get bored with this theme as long as it is executed perfectly and I think The Wolf executed this in a good way.

Unfortunately, the main pairing ruins this for me and this ends up becoming the biggest flaw that destroys the enjoyment of watching this drama.

"Childhood sweetheart turns enemies" is something we've seen pretty often, and it's not something bad. If anything, when they finally fixed the misunderstanding and reconciled, it would be the climax, the best part of the entire development.

But The Wolf sadly dragged Ma Zhaixing and Bo Wang's relationship to the point that it became annoying.

When Bo Wang first discovered that Ma Zhaixing has never betrayed him in the past, the scene when he rescued her from the kneeling punishment at the palace was so moving I was almost in tears, more so because it finally looks like they can rebuild their relationship despite Ma Zhaixing still hasn't figured out that Bo Wang was the Wolf Boy from her childhood. It should've ended right there. Maybe later, they could add a plot where Ma Zhaixing would finally find out the truth.

But no, they just have to keep switching between love-hate-love hate right to the last few episodes. At this point, there was no more character development, no more relationship growth. It's just a purely unnecessary drama that makes Bo Wang look inconsistent, that strips Ma Zhaixing of any character development that she should've had as the main character of the story.

And speaking of relationships, although Ji Chong being paired up with Bao Na was the best conclusion for the two of them, the development was way too fast, it looks like the drama team is just forcefully pushing it to happen as soon as possible.

At the point where there are only 3 episode left, they didn't have to add that bit of drama between Ji Chong and Bao Na, because 1). They weren't the main characters, 2). The story was nearing its climax, why would you slow down the pace for an unnecessary drama of two side characters?

It almost looks like Ji Chong and Bao Na are taking the spotlight from the main characters. It would've been perfectly fine to end it when Bao Na was accompanying Ji Chong at the bonfire after he let go of Ma Zhaixing to return to Bo Wang; the audience would understand that these two would end up together, and the closing scene where Ji Chong invited her to travel the world with him can still be shown without the intervening drama.

2. The Main Leads’ Hero Complex

Both Ma Zhaixing and Bo Wang keep sacrificing themselves for others and putting themselves at the bottom as if they have no value. It might look heroic the first time they do it, but since they repeated this pattern way too often, it looks to me like they're playing victim instead.

What's more?

Whenever they're about to sacrifice themselves 1). They would always put a burden on the side characters who genuinely love them by asking them for some "one last favor"', 2). They would just end up being saved by the others after all those big talks.

But of course, all of the other characters ideally will still cry for them every single time they're about to do this whole sacrifice thing.

This is seriously the first time I'm watching a drama where the main characters barely have any character development from start until the end.

In fact, I think the main character of this drama is supposed to be You Zhen, the fourth, youngest prince of Yang. He was ever only a supporting character here, but he's got the most character development among others and if you've been paying attention to his story from start to finish, you'll see that is very fitting to be the main character of a political/war drama:

"An innocent, youngest prince who was doted on by his three brothers, but this brotherhood was severely broken by a misunderstanding caused by their own power-thirsty father, and after many struggles and suffering, he found out the truth, fought for the truth, and became the last surviving member of the royalty who would finally govern his people in peace."

3. Inconsistent Character(s)

First of all, the second female lead, Yao Ji.

From the drama's opening, to the first few episodes where she appears, it feels like we are getting this super big villain vibe from her. I really thought she's going to be one of those people the main characters would have to defeat, or maybe turn into an unexpected ally, later near the climax.

But no, she was only strong in the beginning. For the rest of the story, she was only a woman who actually loves the main male lead and wants to keep him safe.

Secondly, Chu Yougui.

What even is his motive to be a villain?

First, he wants to frame and kill Bo Wang because he thought Bo Wang caused their eldest brother's death. But this has since been proven to be wrong because their father, Chu Kui, was the one who set up his own eldest son's death (for whatever reason I don't remember because I don't think the drama ever told us clearly). And then when he was brought back later, suddenly he wanted to overthrow his father and become the King? Just where and how does all this motive come from?

It would've been fine to make Chu Kui the main villain because he's been portrayed as such since the beginning, the power-thirsty tyrant who would stop at nothing to gain authority and glory.

4. Some Technical Things

Ma Zhaixing kept wearing that keepsake of a bell on her belt, even during undercover missions. How come she doesn't get caught?

Ji Chong keeps accidentally hearing everything over the wall in the most perfect timing far too many times

Also, there are many instances where the characters could travel so fast between places, you'd think they are all living in the same town

------

My Verdict: 6/10

Honestly, I almost drop it before I'm even halfway through... o(-(

It has great concept. It has interesting conflict. The actors all did amazing job, I have no complain about their acting. But the execution is just ugh...

[jingers994]

Hey. So. I haven't ever actually made a real post on here like ever, even back in the day when I actually used Tumblr. That's just not what I used it for, I just followed artists & writers whose work I enjoyed. Lots of them have stopped posting since I left in 2016, but to anyone I'm still following who does still post stuff, that's probably because you're awesome and I love your work. <3 Shoutout to literally every person who actually sees this post, never stop being cool. I first joined in 2014, and I left around mid-2016. So in the years since making this account I've spent less time off Tumblr than on it, and enough of the accounts I used to interact with have left that I don't expect any response to this post. I guess I'm just venting. During the 2014-2017 period I was attending university full time. I graduated, so yay for me. I stopped following a lot of web comics and serials that I used to read around 2017, because I kind of just didn't have enough time in the day anymore, and playing video games was a more efficient and less mentally draining way to unwind. Even before that I was essentially just a ghost in those communities, I never really interacted with any of the artists or other fans, I just consumed what they were making and hoped that they kept making it. To this day, not making an effort to become involved in any of those small communities is maybe one of my biggest regrets. Many of them have either entered indefinite hiatus, just became very quiet, and some have finished or just stopped altogether for other reasons. The web culture I wanted to come back and interact with, in large part, doesn't really exist anymore; it was a product of its time, and time has made everyone move on. I can mostly still go back and grab archived copies of the stories and comics themselves, but the communities, the active fans waiting for new episodes and discussing old ones, are basically gone from public view. Many of the artists I used to follow haven't had active accounts that I can find since 2016, or 2015, or earlier, and even if I did want to just drop a heartfelt message thanking them for making something so treasured and nostalgic to me, they'll likely never read it. Maybe lack of such community feedback is why they stopped posting, and people like me are why those projects ended. After graduating, I just needed time to mentally recuperate from the draining final year, and I never really managed to recover all of the interests I used to have or pick up my old online haunts & habits again. They just fell by the wayside because my horribly depressed brain didn't want to spend energy thinking about them. I think I might be starting to ramble. Since graduating, I've pretty much put my personal life totally 'on ice' until I found a job, or went back into postgraduate study. I just didn't think it would take so long, and I was far too shy and embarrassed to continue answering questions about 'what I was doing now'. The years since graduating have very much not been kind to me, and making these decisions was a mistake. Culture isn't something that just 'exists' behind a screen, waiting for you to look at it; it's created by the interaction between artists and their fans, and producers and consumers, and people exchanging ideas. Refusing to engage in this because you just want to look at the final product, kills the culture. So, so many things I used to enjoy are no longer enjoyable to me, and that's my fault for engaging in extreme time-wasting, and spending no energy *trying* to enjoy them anymore. So many things I used to enjoy, are no longer being worked on for a number of reasons, and I guess you could say that's sort of my fault as well, or at least is maybe the fault of people like me. I've always been a bit of a data hoarder, and just recently I was backing up stuff on an old hard drive into a newer one in case it failed, and I came across copies of webcomics I haven't really thought about for close to 5 years. I also happened to be listening to a song that I used to listen to a lot back in the day but haven't for years, and the nostalgia rush literally made me cry. After backing up everything else I could find on that hard drive, I rushed to try and look for anything I could remember I was interested in that was still on the internet, which also lead me back here. Some of you, if anyone is reading this at all, might remember the Drowtales: Moonless Age webcomic. Or you might remember Girl Genius, or Exiern, or the Whateley Universe web stories. You might have gotten into the Fallen London universe, maybe via the Sunless Sea/Skies games. You might have looked at some CYOAs from way back when, or checked out the Jumpchain or Exalted threads on SpaceBattles or SufficientVelocity. You probably haven't, because even if 3 or 4 people actually do read this it's unlikely they have the same interests I used to, but that's okay. I used to quietly geek out about these things for hours on end, and my life has honestly been lesser since I stopped doing that. I've had a horrid, wistful lump inside my stomach since yesterday when I started looking for these things, and I've felt like I'm on the verge of crying ever since as well. After 2 and a bit years of grey, empty anhedonia this is a huge win, and I'm very glad that finding these things again has wrangled some emotion out of me. Many of these projects are still active, several communities actually are still around, and I've resolved to go and introduce myself, no matter whether it makes me anxious to do so or not. Not doing so back when they were more active is an enormous regret, and I don't want that to happen again. I'm hoping to extend this mindset out into the real world as well, and hopefully I'll be arranging some volunteering, part-time study and/or going back and trying to publish some of the work I did in my last year of university, finally. Everyone's been memeing about the 'curse of 2020' for a while now, but I think 2020 was just the culmination of some horrible stuff happening since as early as 2015, and it feels like the final verse of some grotesque voodoo curse on the entire planet. Hopefully it's going to get better from now on. I've never been what you'd call an optimist, or an extrovert, but I really do hope that reaching out to like-minded people can help life be better than it has been. No idea if I'll keep looking through Tumblr, since the buyout and all that, but I guess I'll probably check in from time to time now that I've had this revelation, haha. Anyone who actually took the time to read this; first of all what are you still doing on Tumblr after the porn purge, lmao. Secondly, You're great, and I really hope life has been treating you better than it has me. Have a good one!

[stringergames]

Downtime Roleplay 4 - Checking Out

Post Session 5 - Misty Eyed

Ireena and Magpie spend some one on one time in the Kolyana Library, as the rest of the party continue to exasperate Ismark downstairs.

Words spoken in Elvish are denoted in italics. Spoiler warning: contains spoilers for episode 5 of Edge of Night

Content warning: grief, implied dead parents, alcohol consumption

"So, Mr Magpie, do you like poetry?" Ireena smiles at him as they climb the stairs.

"I do, it can be very beautiful. I prefer such things set to music, but that's a personal taste." 

Magpie casts a slightly wary eye over the opulent staircase, taking in the disrepair and lack of upkeep. He takes another sip of wine and makes no comment.

"I enjoy the simplicity of poetry, so much can be said with so few words." Ireena is caught up in her own enthusiasm and does not notice Magpie's appraisal of the house. "Novels are good for escaping entirely to another realm, and you already know of my enjoyment of learning through books." This is said in Elvish, with a smile, before switching back to Common. "But poetry will remain my favourite, I think. If only for its love of pain that cannot be spoken in other ways."

Ireena opens a door on the landing that leads to a damp room piled with books, in the centre of which is a chair. The dust marks on the floor indicate that a desk once also stood there, but judging by the fate of other furnishings in the house, this was probably pilfered to become barricade materials a while ago.

Magpie replies in Elvish, quietly pleased to be able to use his native tongue. "Songs are my favourite, I believe. The dual storytelling between lyrics and tune is wonderfully versatile, but poetry definitely has a beauty of it's own, I can see why it calls to you so." He takes an almost hesitant step into the room, and checks back that she's joining him.

Ireena follows him into the study and responds in Elvish, clearly excited to be able to do so. "I wish I had a better understanding of music. It is a rare thing to hear music in Barovia that isn't a funeral march. Unless you encounter the Vistani whose performances are... livelier." Ireena smirks, and gestures to the room. "This is my library!"

Magpie quirks an amused grin at her Elvish, and takes a slow look around the room. "We heard Vistani musicians at the party. They played very well, Sierra was there among them actually. You'll have to see if she'll play the violin for you, it's truly beautiful."

"I would like that." Ireena pauses, wondering how far she can push her luck. "Maybe you would dance with me."

Magpie crouches in front of a bookshelf, scanning the titles distractedly, not so much as reaching a hand out to touch any of them. "I'm not sure you'd enjoy that, I was... never in a position to be taught any of the proper dances, and quite besides, I've been reliably told I have two left feet."

Ireena crouches next to him. "Then I shall simply have to teach you." 

Her smile is soft and her tone no longer teasing. The tension in her shoulders is heavy, but not directed at this conversation or her present company. It is tension she's clearly been carrying for a long time. 

"I like this one." She selects a book from the shelf. "It's long, but it tells the most wonderful story of a hero who journeys to find his way home after a long battle away from those he loves." She strokes the cover wistfully.

Magpie looks over at the book, admiring the cover. 

"Sounds like a compelling tale." He casts his eyes to the floor briefly, and takes another drink of wine before focusing back up on Ireena and the book. "You have so many books, it must be lovely to be able to come here and escape with them."

"Father loved to read. And there weren't exactly many other ways for me to spread my wings beyond this village." She sighs darkly and gestures at the window. "Even before..."

Aware that her façade has slipped again, Ireena straightens her shoulders and attempts another smile. 

"But yes, I am lucky. There are a few tomes in here that predate the beginning of the Von Zarovich reign in Barovia."

"Really? How old does that make them?" Magpie looks very interested at the promise of old books, a shadow that had fallen over his face lifting a little.

"Well over a century! Father rarely let anyone handle them, they're very delicate, but I always loved the way old books smell."

“Incredible. I shan’t ask to look at them, but what are they about? I often find some of the most fascinating stuff is in the oldest books.”

"There's a first edition of some very dramatic plays, and a couple of these epic poems too. If I'm being entirely honest, I am not completely sure I know what is in all of the oldest books Father had. But please, if you would like, feel free to select any volumes that take your fancy to take with you. It is wonderful to finally have a fellow bibliophile to share these with. My brother is not opposed to literature, but he's mostly been too busy with more important things to indulge me in expounding the joys of fiction."

Magpie looks gently surprised. "You'd let me bring some? Just like that?"

"I doubt Ismark will miss them, I will certainly be bringing some with me, and Father hardly has a use for them any more. Of course you may take some, as many as you would like." She laughs a little. "Or as many as you think you can carry, at any rate!"

Magpie laughs a little in return, a hesitant set to his face still. "It won't be many then. Most of us ended up here without a bag. You're sure I can borrow some?"

"Borrow, have, whatever you would like. And while we can't promise armour or weapons, I feel confident my brother can provide satchels or something to carry possessions in." Ireena puts a hand on his arm gently. "I mean it, really."

Magpie flinches at the touch, and pulls his arm away gently. "Satchels would be a great help, I don't think Fox's bag will survive anything else being put in it."

Ireena retracts her hand, but does not seem offended. "I did notice that sewing does not appear to be among Lord Ripley's particular skills."

Magpie laughs properly this time. “Apparently not, though I’m not sure I can say much after the gods awful job I did on those replacement gloves. It turns out not having something proper to cut the fabric with is a significant hindrance.”

"I hadn't liked to mention it, but they were somewhat unorthodox." Ireena giggles. "I wondered if it was some new trend from where you're from!"

“Decidedly not, just shoddy and hurried craftsmanship on my part.” He gives her a lopsided grin. “If you’re certain I can take a couple of books with me, do you have sections you’d rather I chose from? Or perhaps any recommendations?”

"You must feel free to choose whatever you'd like, although I suggest you take something less likely to fall apart when you touch it! But if you are open to suggestions, then I could show you some of my personal favourites?"

“I’d welcome that gladly, I find myself decidedly in a position of rather too much choice, and while I’d often like nothing more than to stay up all night browsing, I fear after the day we’ve had I need the rest.”

Ireena starts pulling books from shelves and various piles. They're all well-thumbed volumes, but don't seem in danger of falling apart completely. They span a wide range of genres: a poetry anthology by a Lord Byron, the classic epic poem she'd picked out earlier, a trilogy of long form fantasy, a collection of old Elvish plays, a couple of shorter looking novels (one historical fiction and one murder mystery), and a nonfiction biography of ancient rulers of Barovia. She sets them down in a pile in front of Magpie.

"This should narrow down the selection somewhat, I wasn't sure what you preferred, so I have chosen my favourites of many genres." She looks between Magpie and the pile a little nervously. "I hope there's something to your liking here?"

Magpie looks at the pile in astonishment, and brushes a gloved hand delicately across the covers. 

"All of it, I'd wager; I'll struggle to pick those that I can carry from such a fascinating collection." He looks up and catches her eye. "Thank you. Truly."

Ireena shows him a flash of the smile she must've had before the recent events of her life, and it lights up her whole face for a moment. 

"You are more than welcome, Magpie. I am aware that the journey ahead of us will be difficult, but I will not regret the opportunity to spend more time with you." She pauses and then adds almost as an afterthought, "With all of you. It will be nice to be able to say I have friends."

"It would be lovely indeed." Magpie looks back at the books, carefully thumbing through a couple of pages and starting to sort them into two neat piles. "After such a kind gesture, the least I could do is help you with your Elvish, if you still want to learn."

"Very much so, if it isn't too much trouble!" Ireena suddenly looks like she might cry and turns towards the door. "We should be getting back to the others, it is intolerably cruel of me to leave them solely in the company of my brother for too long." She turns back, and if her voice cracks, she doesn't acknowledge it. "Besides, as you said, you've all had a very long day. I imagine you will be wanting to rest soon."

Magpie blinks a couple of times at the abrupt change in mood, but makes no comment on it. He drains the last of his wine and sets the glass down, carefully picking up a stack of five books he'd set aside, the biography of rulers of Barovia, Elvish plays, and trilogy of fantasy, balancing them carefully in his arm before picking his glass back up. 

"Are these alright? Is it too many?"

"No, no of course not! That's fine! Would you like some help carrying them?"

"That's very kind of you, but I have a good hold on them, and there's no risk of me spilling my wine." He gives her a cheeky grin. "Well, shall we go and save the others from the company of your brother then?"

Ireena smiles back, small and shaky, but perhaps more real than some of her smiles up to this point. "An excellent idea, Mr Magpie." 

She leads the way back out of the study. She pauses on the landing and points at another door. "I believe that is to be your room for the night, if you'd prefer to drop the books off there, although I have no objections to you bringing them downstairs to share your finds with the others, if you wish."

"I –" Magpie looks torn, and a flicker of something passes over his face. "Perhaps, I'll drop most of them off. Bring just one down. To flick through."

"Great, I can wait here, or just meet you downstairs if you'd rather?"

"I'll be just a second." Magpie smiles at her briefly, and dips into the room to gently place the books down, keeping hold of the Elvish plays, and returning to her quickly.

"Shall we?" Ireena gestures at the staircase.

Magpie nods, and walks alongside her downwards, gently clutching the gifted book to his chest.

*

Written by Francesca Forrest & Nick Drew

Edited by Rowan E. Madden

Edge of Night is a dnd 5e actual play podcast, brought to you by Stringer Games. It is available on iTunes, Spotify & all good podcast providers.

[yeaahishowedupatyourparty]

Zara’s Truth Booth.♥️ You can read this as OOC or an IC interview, I really don’t mind!

GENERAL QUESTIONS 1. Please state your full name: “Zara Belle Calloway.”
2. Does your name(s) have any kind of meaning? If so, what is it?: “I’ve literally never asked and I doubt there’s much thought behind it. By the fourth child, you probably just pick a page in the baby name book and go with it.” 
3. Do you have any nicknames?: “No - I refuse to accept Zar or Z.” 
4. Where were you born? And in which country?: “I was born in South Kensington, London…England.”
5. What is your date of birth?: “13th of December 2001.” 
6. Of course, the following question; what is your Zodiac sign? “Sagittarius.” 
7. Do you believe in Zodiac signs? “I think so? I relate more to my moon sigh, though - a Cancer.”
8. Where do you live? “Lilac Heights…Violet Springs. In the most beautiful house. I love it.”
9. What is your home situation like? (ex. do you live with your family? Your partner etc.?) “I live in my own house, most of the time. Sometimes with Danny, sometimes without - hopefully more with in the future. I do go back to the hotel sometimes too, in London. Not as much.” 
10. Do you have any siblings? “Three older sisters…Yeah.” 
11. Do you have any kind of allergies? “Fish, which is just as well. I don’t like it.” 
12. Do you own any pets? If so, what kind of pets are they? “I have two dogs; Pumpkin and Tank.”
13. Why did you apply to St Jude’s? “To build up my career, I guess.”
14. Did you had to go through a lot audition rounds? “Not really. I already had three sisters here and also a lot of work I’d done myself by the time I got to eighteen. I did one round of auditions which I’m proud of.” 
15. What is the current course you’re following? “Acting and Directing.” 
16. If you can switch courses, which one would you switch to and why? “I wouldn’t, I’m fully dedicated to this career I have now.” 
17. What is your proudest project you’ve done? “Euphoria, easily. I wrote it, I directed every episode, I casted it, I bought it all to life and helped develop the characters. It will always be my baby and I’m so happy with how it was received.” 
18. What is the proudest project that someone’s else has done? “Singular Act I. That’s my baby…Or Little Women, that’s my other baby.”
19. Do you like FanCons? “I love FanCons.”
20. What do you like about FanCons? “Meeting the fans! It never gets old and they’re always so enthusiastic and kind. It reminds me how lucky I am, for sure. There’re some I know by name now and I’m more excited to see them than them me.” 
21. What don’t you like about FanCons? “The competition? Does that make sense. It shouldn’t matter who loves who more…I feel like on the fans part it can get quite aggressive when really they’re all there for the same reason.” 
22. A fan memory that always stuck with you? Can be positive or negative. “I feel like I’ve been put on the spot! I don’t know…” 
23. Your favorite event so far? “I loved the Summer FanCon Tour. That was so amazing.” 
24. What kind of event would you like to see in the future? “More events where we get to be silly - fundraisers and challenges. Sometimes it gets too competitive or serious with the award based ones, or talent based ones.” 
25. Would you recommend St Jude’s to friends, family. etc? “For sure.” PERSONALITY QUESTIONS 26. What are your positive traits? “I hate this question, don’t make me answer that.”
27. What are you negative traits? “I’m probably a little too hot-headed and emotional.”
28. What would other people describe you as? “…I don’t know.”
29. What are your pet peeves? “Being spoken to like an idiot, or like I don’t understand things. I’m not silly or incapable at all.” 
30. What makes you happy? “My friends.”
31. What makes you upset? “Oh, anything! But mainly seeing people down on themselves.”
32. What is something you love? “When somebody is so comfortable with you, that they open up and talk about all of their passions. I love when people are talking about what they love in general.”
33. What is something you dislike? “People who behave like they’ve never made a mistake and don’t let others move on from theirs.”
34. What are you strengths? “Again, I hate answering questions like this…Maybe that I’m good at - eventually - admitting when I’m wrong? Or, a good listener?” 
35. What are you weaknesses? “Anything with chocolate on or in it. I’m a simple person.”
36. A misconception people often think of you? “I know a lot of people think that I’m maybe like, how do I put it nicely? A home-wrecker…or, promiscuous, I guess? I’m not. I’ve had maybe 3 boyfriends in my whole life and I’m 20.” 
37. Do you have any fears? “I’m really scared of being alone - like literally and on a deeper level.”
38. What scares you the most? “Deep open water. Yikes.” 
39. What do you do to entertain yourself? “I don’t - I seek out the closest person to annoy until they entertain me.”
40. What is your MBTI? “I’m an INFJ. Most people are shocked at the I part.” 
41. How do you deal with stress? “Cry. Or eat. Or both.” 
42. Are you a determined person? Are you a stubborn person? “To an extent, I’d say so.”
43. Do you consider yourself selfish? “No…”
44. Would you like to be different? “I guess so…Sometimes I wish I was more likeable because I get the sense people aren’t that fond of me.” 
45. Are you more introverted (focused on your inner world) or more extraverted (focused on other people and the outer world)? “Introverted.” ROMANCE QUESTIONS 46. What is your sexual orientation? “I’m bisexual.”
47. Current relationship status? “Taken…Happily.”
48. When was your first kiss? “It was for a random television series and I was like 14. My first real kiss though was only a year and a bit ago.”
49. Do you remember your first date? If so, with who was it? What did you do? “I don’t remember it. Oops.” 
50. Have you ever experienced heart-break? “Yes. Not necessarily through a break-up.” 
51. Have you ever been in love? (If yes, skip to question 53) “Yes.” 
52. If no, how so? 
53. How do you know when you’re in love? “For me, everything becomes about that person. Even songs that I listened to long before I knew someone, or films I watched way before I knew they existed, I manage to tie everything back to one specific person. And, I’m definitely not a subtle person either - I think if I’m in love with someone, they’ll know before I do if they’re observant.”
54. What would be your ideal date? “I always feel like it’s more a question of who; I’d rather do something really simple like staying at home, cooking and watching a movie with someone I’m really comfortable with and like…Instead of going somewhere really extravagant with somebody I know who’ll make me uncomfortable.” 
55. What is your perspective on marriage? “It’s not the ultimate declaration of love. There are plenty of married people who aren’t in love anymore…And if you look into the roots of it, it’s kind of…messed up? I don’t know. It’s nice but not necessary.” 
56. (only for non-virgins) Are you a sub, dom or switch? “…I feel like I can switch it up. It depends on whatever the person I’m with prefers?”
57. What do you think of relationships? “I’m conflicted because there is so much more to life, but I’m not anti-relationship, obviously. I feel like they’d be better and more enjoyable if there wasn’t such a pressure on people to have been in a relationship before a certain age. If you’ve not found the one at 55, why is that so bad?” 
58. What do you think of one-night stands? “I’ve had them. They’re not for everyone, though.”
59. Are you still a virgin? “No.” 
60. Most attractive trait in a different person? “Patience. Especially if I’m talking about specifically attractive to me - I tend to jump to conclusions and get sad or mad or annoyed really quickly. So, people who bear with me, that’s attractive.”
61. What matters most to you when it comes to a relationship? “Genuine chemistry. As soon as that goes, nothing else really matters. Like, if there’s no chemistry for one person but loyalty is there - it almost feels like a job.” 
62. Are you comfortable with PDA? Or would you be comfortable with PDA? “Yeah.” 
63. Are you more of a type to be asked out or the type to ask the other out? “A bit of both. I think I’m probably bold enough to ask people out but it is nice to be asked.”
64. How do you express love to the other? “Pay attention to what they say, make sure they’re happy, tell them everything…Kiss them, cling on to them…Become painfully annoying until they can’t stand it. It’s a cycle.” 
65. Who is your celebrity crush? “Danny. My boyfriend. I don’t even care that it’s the cliche answer, haha.” GETTING DEEP QUESTIONS 66. Do you regret anything? “…Yes.”
67. Is there something you woule like to re-do? So, start all over again? “Yes.”
68. What is something you would never share with anyone? “For sure…I’m uncomfortable!” 
69. When was the last time you cried? Why did you cry? “…I’m trying to think, maybe a week ago or so? I just felt down and missed somebody.”
70. Most memorable event that happened in your time in St Judes? This could be anything: “That’s really tricky! I’m not sure, to be honest. I wasn’t here when all of the crazy stuff went down, like the cruise ship? I’m really unsure.”
71. One thing you wish you could do all over? “My childhood…but with my 20 year old mind.”
72. Someone you miss? “I’d rather not.” 
73. Something you wish you could forget? “I don’t like these questions.” 
74. Who has the biggest impact on you? “Probably my family - not necessarily in a good way.”
75. What is your perspective on love? Is it beautiful? Does it scare you? “It’s beautiful and being loved is the best feeling in the world, I’d be lying if I said I don’t crave it.” 
76. What has hurt you in the past that you don’t want others to go through? “Losing somebody that is like, your other half. Or actually, losing somebody you really love without much explanation at all. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.”
77. What is something you have gained, something you have lost and something you let go of during the past year? “I’ve gained…more self-esteem, I’ve lost a lot of time I’m not going to get back - I think and I’ve let go of some trust issues, I think.”
78. Have you ever lost a friend? do you wish you would still be friends? “I have. I lost a friend because she dated my ex after claiming they were just friends - I don’t because it hurt and all she had to do was be honest.”
79. Do you have any triggers? What is the history behind these triggers and are they related to any disorders or mental illnesses? “I don’t think that’s appropriate.” 
80. If you could meet your 16 year old self, what would tell them? “That things do pass..They don’t necessarily get better or easier, but they pass and you learn to deal with things in a more productive way. I’d also hug her - tight.” RANDOM QUESTION ROUND 81. Summer or Winter? “Summer’s weather but winter’s overall vibe and celebrations.”
82. Cats or dogs? “Dogs, sorry.” 
83. Beach or mountains? “The beach.” 
84. Phone calls or texting? “Facetime. I’m that friend.” 
85. Have you ever skipped class? “Yes.”

[mikumanogi-blog]

2017-03-05 “Stagnation” Kubo Shiori Blog #7

Is there anybody who thought “today is Kubo’s blog day?”!

It’s Shiori’s blog~ (I didn’t make you wait did I…)

I thought I would try changing up my usual introduction.

 Hello everyone, Thank you for work hard again today. I’m Nogizaka46 3rd generation member Kubo Shiori.

My hair is curled.

The other day something fortunate happened.

When the makeup artist was finished hair spraying my hair the can (big size) was empty. The last person that giant can of hair spray was used on was… me. Isn’t that lucky? It rarely happens (‘._.`)

Hehehe

 First off, I want to look back at what has happened recently. Thank you so much for the 5th Year Anniversary Birthday Live.

Hito ha naze hashiru no ka?

Tsuyogaru tsubomi,

Hane Kioku,

Harujion ga suku koro,

Shiori kumo ni note,

Hause!

The 3rd generation members all stood on that stage while considering the significance behind why we were given these songs to perform.

The emotions and the scenery I had from that stage is something I will never forget for as long as I live. More than anything, seeing all the 3rd generation member towels, pen light colors surprised me...I was overjoyed. I’m a very fortunate person. Thank you.

We also did a recording for the 3rd generation song 「sanbanme no kaze」off the 17th single. Surprise…and joyfulness… (You’re probably thinking that those are the only two emotions I have, I do have a lot of other ones…) At any rate this is something I’m thankful for. The wonderful lyrics and melody, this song will forever by important to me.

I was also nervous because this was my first time doing a PV shoot, but I thought that each shoot was done with care. I received the help of many people and as my first ever shoot I was able to make it an extremely meaningful experience. Thank you very much. I want to see all my fans again. Please wait for me.  (TL note: I am assuming this is for the individual PV’s and not the music video PV)

And now… Q&A time!!!

Because I wasn’t able to do a Q&A on my previous blog I will also be answering questions asked for that blog (‘._.`)

·         Which do you like more sweet or spicy?

I like food. Recently I’ve been enjoying sweet foods!

·         Are you good or bad at physical exercise?

You probably thought I was bad at physical exercise didn’t youuu~ but that not true at all! I’m average. This year on my first sports test I was awarded an A rank!

·         Do you cook? What food is your specialty?

I may look like I do and I doo~ It makes me happy to hear my family say “delicious” after they finish eating my food.

My specialty food is…it’s hard to say, when I was younger it used to be omurice (‘._.`)

Currently my specialty is probably a type of sweet… I’m always making sweets.

·         In your middle school club, what was the toughest club activity?

Most likely the stairway dash (‘._.`) I was always sore the next day. After that was the zoo warm up (‘._.`) Duck, Bear, Seal, crocodile, , , nostalgic memories (‘._.`)

·         What are some events made a lasting impression for you from Nogizaka under construction?

There are a lot of events but, Hori Miona’s「ikimana onna」line from her version of Wakatsuki Yumi’s Hashi kun was funny! (TL note: you can find an ENG sub version on YouTube).

Speaking of Miona san, at the concert she came to talk with me. She also put up a picture of me on her blog…thank you so much. Yamazaki Rena also posted one on her blog. Thank you very much (‘._.`)

(TL Note: Kubo and Rennachi & Kubo and Miona)

Honestly, I feel shy when meeting new people, when the senior members came to talk to me, I got tongue tied. I feel guilty… I wonder if that’s why people may think things like “Kubo is hard to approach isn’t she” I’ll continue to reflect upon my weakness from the shadows.

I honestly couldn’t speak. I also have a quiet voice… Ever since I was born I’ve been a lost cause…Despite my flaws the senior members are still nice to me. I want to talk more with the senior members about various things but because of my personality it’s probably won’t be enjoyable for them…My personality is something I need to change (‘._.`)

·         I burned myself…

Are you alright!?!? Please make sure to treat it properly so it doesn’t leave a scar (‘._.`) Pain, pain go away~ While I was saying that I um… also burned myself (‘._.`) I was half asleep and I…burned my neck with a hair iron… out of all the places it could’ve been why in such an obvious spot…I will reflect upon this mistake.

·         Are there times where you are picky or obsessed about your fashion?

Umm… well, I wear what I like without fussing over the brand. Recently I’ve been liking unique clothing~ Heading into spring I’ve been buying yellow and pink colored clothes. Renka told me “You’ve become more stylish lately” I’ve decided I want to wear more and more different types of western style clothing. I’ll do my best!

·         Can you see the towels and penlights from the stage?

Of course I can see them! Every time I spot one it makes me happy. I have some good news! Because my eyesight has gotten worse my contact lens strength has gone up, this means that I can spot everyone even easier than before! Allllright, from one end to the other I’ll find you all!

·         Show me a picture of you with twin tails!

Sure, here you go!

I knew it was no gooood!

Oh no, my hair is covered by my hood and the picture is bluury isn’t it~

…I’m sorry. Self-reflection. Self-reflection.

 ·         Why were you crying together with Nakada Kana san in the dressing room?

On a silent Friday, my name was brought up by Nakada Kana san. Thank you very much (‘._.`)

First of all, she did not make me cry!!! There is a reason for why I was crying… The first time we started practicing for Principle was a time where I had anxiety over how things would turn out going forward. Then Kana san came and talked with me… we talked a lot about her personal stories from her Principle performance and the future. The details are already….. I’m crying. I wonder if I can become stronger…Can I really keep at it…What should I do…. These are the insecurities I showed in front of my amazing superior. (‘._.`) I am extremely grateful to Kana san (‘._.`) Thank you very much.

 ·         Are you someone that eats a lot?

Yes I am! One of my favorite phrases is, I want to eat____. Just the other day, for lunch, I ate bread, rice and beef stew. For dinner I ate 30 gyozas. After that I had waffles and strawberry daifuku. Oh I also had ice cream. I have a bottomless stomach. (from the title of my blog two blogs ago ‘There is no limit’)

·         Do you like bread?

I do!!!! For a while I was addicted to bread crusts, and I ate them plain. I would eat them while waiting for practice to start!

 ·         What is something you’ve been addicted to lately?

Yogurt with soy flour on top!!! I’ve been way too addicted this pairing. I could put roasted soybean flour on anything.

 ·         Favorite ice cream flavor?

Matcha!! After that is Soy flour!! Eastern style ice cream flavors are ◎ but as expected I can’t choose between them (‘._.`)

For this blog I am going to end the Q&A here!!! I’ll being doing it again in the future!

 What been going on recently? Speaking of which, I’m going to start with some of my worries. My shyness has gone too far, so far that I’ve had troubles taking pictures with other members. However, I know that a lot of fans are waiting and saying “post pictures with the other members!”… For my fans I plucked up the courage and I took my first ever three-person selfie since joining Nogizaka46.

This should be a commemorative picture. Miichan, ririan, Tsuki Taro san. Thank you so much. I hope we continue to get along. 

(TL note: I’m not sure what 月太郎 (tsuki taro) means. After some research I found that 太郎月(taro dzuki) mean first moon of the new year, so she might just be calling herself a newbie).

Next, in Manatsu san’s blog, she was asked about which member she would want to be her little sister… In her answer she wrote about me…Thank you so much, Manatsu san is so kind. On the day of the 5th Year Anniversary Birthday Live I apologized to Manatsu saying “I’m really sorry for doing ‘zukkyun’ in Girl’s Rule during Principle” and Manatsu san said “no no, it’s completely fine! If anything, I’m glad that you did! Thank you so much!” Manatsu san is so kind isn’t she (‘._.`) Thank you so much for being nice to someone like me.

Guess what, guess what, Because I I was completely sold out for the handshake event another time slot has been added. Thank you very much! I am very, very, very, VERY happy… For everyone that will come see me I’ll make sure to give you a good time.

“I’ll never be able to forget this! I want to go again! I’m cheering for you!” I’ll do my best to give you these kinds of feelings. More than anything let’s enjoy ourselves. I’m really excited to talk to everyone! I wonder if I’ll see the people I met at the meet and greet again? I’ll be waiting for you!!

 Today, for the first time in a while something happy and enjoyable happened. I was also able to make unforgettable memories.

 There’s so much I want to say but this blog has already gone on for so long… I have been told before that I really like photography and I really do. That’s why when everyone gets a hold of the new magazine I’m in I hope to bring enough interest for them to say “wow who is this girl?” I’m making sure to not slack off in order to be the kind of person that stands out in a crowd.  

Just because you work hard doesn’t mean everything is going to turn out the way you want it to, but if you don’t put in the work then it definitely won’t.

I don’t want to be someone who is all talk and no action. I want to be someone that even though they say big things they can make them into reality. Yet even though I say that I don’t have enough confidence to talk about my own dreams. I’m a coward. I will change. I will change even more.

 In the last blog I received a lot of comments giving me advice and so I based my writing for this blog on that. The opinions that I saw most in the comments were “don’t be so stiff! Relax a bit!” Thank you very much. That’s why I decided to try and make a more relaaaaxed blog this time. What do you think?

Finally one last question from the comments!

·         Out of all the 3rd generation members, which member pretends to remember something the fastest?

That person is Tamami! Wow! Tomorrow is Tamami’s blog! Make sure to give it a read!!!

Kubo will write again.

(In Minachan’s blog I was temporarily recruited for a group called Nabepa (Nabe party). It doesn’t look like we can meet up often… Maybe we should try recruiting. What do you think would be good? The members are Tamami, Minachan and Ayati, and me.)

(TL Note: Minachan is Umezawa Minami)

Kubo Shiori

https://blog.nogizaka46.com/third/2017/03/037204.php

(TL note: trying to find a good translation for a blog title was difficult, the word used in japanese is 渋滞 which can mean either ‘congestion’ ‘delay’ or ‘stagnation’, I decided to go with stagnation because after reading this blog I got the impression that she feels like her growth as a person has become a little stagnant) 

[lovemesomesurveys]

Hello there, can I have your name? Stephanie.

Have you gotten close to anyone recently? Not anyone new, no.

Out of all your friends, who do you spill ALL your secrets to? I spill everything in these surveys.

Do you miss the way things used to be? I miss the way a lot of things used to be.

On your “lazy days” what are you doing? So what do I do everyday? Lie around in bed switching between social medias, watch YouTube videos, watch TV, read, scroll through Tumblr, do surveys, play some Animal Crossing: New Horizons, sleep...

Do you remember the first conversation you had with the person you have feelings for? I don’t have romantic feelings for anyone at this time.

Are you anything like you were at this point last year? Unfortunately. Have you ever got a D or F on your report card? No.

If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months would you? How about 5 years?

Do you like anybody? Not in the romantic sense.

Do you believe that people talk about you behind your back? I don’t think I’m on anyone’s radar.

If you had twins, would you give them rhyming names? Not having kids, but in the hypothetical scenario where I had twins; no, I would not.

Do you remember what you were like a year ago? Yeah, like I said I’m the same now, which means I haven’t changed much. And that’s not good.

What are you listening to? An ASMR video.

Would you rather go back a week or forward? Forward.

Did you do something mean to someone today? No.

What holiday is your birthday closet to? 4th of July.

Is there anyone that you wish was IN your life who used to be? I do miss having Ty in my life and the way things were between us a few years ago. I’m such a mess now, though. :(

Give us a lyric from a song you’re listening to: I’m not listening to any music right now.

Is your birthday in less than 6 months? I already had my birthday 3 months ago.

Do you think your zodiac sign fits your personality? No, I’m so opposite of how a Leo is said to be.

What brings out the worst in you? My mental health has.

How’re you feeling right now? Tired and kinda hungry.

When’s the last time you ate at Taco Bell and with who? I haven’t ate at a Taco Bell in several years.

Are you closer to your father or mother? My mom.

Are you a morning person or a night person? Night.

What are you supposed to be doing right now? I mean, I should be asleep at 630 in the morning, but that just wouldn’t be me now would it?

Would you ever get a tattoo? I’ve wanted one for several years, but I just don’t see it ever happening.

Are you one of those people who hate crying in front of others? Most definitely.

Is anyone on your mind right now? No. 

What’s the greatest thing that happened today? Nothing much has happened so far.

Are you afraid of the future? Very.

Do you believe in true love? Yeah. I just don’t see it happening for me. 

Has anyone ever given you jewelry on Christmas? Yeah, my family.

What do you prefer, Skittles or Starbursts? I liked the strawberry Starbursts. I couldn’t even tell you the last time I had Skittles or Starbursts, though. It’s been a longgggg time. Like honestly, probably not since high school.

Mike & Ikes or Jolly Ranchers? Jolly Ranchers. I don’t think I’ve had those since high school either to be honest. The watermelon ones were the best. Anyone remember the Jolly Ranchers suckers? Those were really popular when I was in middle school. My school used to sell candy and ice cream after school and I’d always get some of those and/or those caramel apple suckers, and a Superstar (chocolate banana ice cream bar). 

How are you feeling right now? We’ve been through this already, I feel tired and kinda hungry.

Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette? I’ve gone 31 years so far and have no desire to start.

Were you happy when you woke up today? I haven’t gone to bed, yet, but I never wake up happy. I wake up feeling like a zombie.

Do you believe that every one has a soul-mate? I don’t know, man.

Have you ever fallen into a mud puddle? No.

Do you like winter? I love it.

Do you wear your seatbelt in the car? Always.

Will you talk to someone on the phone tonight? Not likely unless my mom calls me on her lunch break like she sometimes does.

Was today a good day? It’s only 6:46AM.

What woke you up this morning? ...

Do you prefer to take showers at night or in the morning? I always take them at night.

How did your day go yesterday? Typical day for me.

Are you talking to anyone? No.

Do you look people in the eye when you talk to them? Yeah. I look away now and then, but yeah.

Have you cried on somebody’s shoulder? Yes.

Have you ever played naked twister? Uh, no.

Will this weekend be a good one? *shrug*

Do you call people Douche-bags? I’ve said it about people, but not to anyone.

Would you marry for money? Absolutely not.

Did you kiss or hug anyone yesterday? Nope.

Can you sleep in jeans? I couldn’t now as someone who only wears leggings and hasn’t even worn jeans at all in like 3 years.

What color are your eyes? Brown.

Is your hair longer than your shoulders? Yeah, it goes down to my butt.

This time last year, can you remember who you liked? I wasn’t interested in anyone in the romantic sense last year.

What are you doing at this very moment? Hmm, take a guess.

What was the last piece of clothing you wore that didn’t belong to you? I don’t wear clothing that doesn’t belong to me. <<<

If you had the chance to see ONE band, (past or present) live, who would you pick? I wish I got to see Linkin Park while Chester was still alive. </3 :(

How long have you been in your current relationship? Sighhhhh.

Are you a patient person? No.

Would you get in trouble if you came home drunk? No, I’m 31 years old.

Do you ever think about things and start to worry? Haha only all the time.

Are you one to get annoyed easily? Yes. Somedays any little thing can do it.

Do you have any pets? Yep, a doggo named Princess Leia. <3

Is the last person you kissed yours? I don’t own anyone.

Are you a player or do you keep to one person? I’m certainly not a player. I’ve been played, though.

Was it a boy or a girl to text you first today? No one has as of now.

Are you scared of spiders? Uh, extremely.

Do you hate the last boy who talked to you? No, I love my brother.

Where are you? In my room sitting on my bed.

Do you think that crying is a form of weakness? No. I’m just hard on myself because I feel like such a crybaby. I’m like, jeez you’re crying again what’s wrong with you? Or about how I cry over the same things, but not actively or even trying to do anything about them. I’m just not very understanding or kind to myself.

Do you tend to make things complicated? Yeppp. :/

Have you ever slept on a couch with someone? No.

Have you ever gotten to the point where you’ve said “I’m done trying”? I’ve felt that way many times throughout my life. And there have been times I did not stop trying when it came to certain things. I also have neglected myself and my life in a lot of ways these past few years, so I feel like I haven’t been trying at all. Do you miss someone? I’ll always miss my loved ones who have passed away.

Do you think things will change in the next few months? No.

Have you cried this past week? Of course.

Do you think two people can last forever? It happens.

Last reason you threw up? I had a stomach bug or something. 

Do you think relationships are even worth it? Yes.

Does it bother you when people try to make you jealous? No one tries to make me jealous, but yeah it would. Like that’s just stupid.

Is it possible to be single and happy? Yeah, there’s lots of happy single people. 

Do you like when people play with your hair? I loved that when I was a kid.

Are you mad at someone right now? No.

Best memory? I couldn’t choose just one.

Do you remember your dreams? No, for some reason it’s like they vanish as soon as I wake up.

First off, single or taken? Single. As if that hasn’t been made abundantly clear by now. 

Do you wear a lot of makeup? No. I haven’t worn any makeup in like 3 years.

What are you wearing right now? Leggings and a Scream shirt.

Is there someone you want to fight? No. I’m not a fighter.

What kind of hairstyle do you have right now? It’s up in a bun.

What’s annoying you right now? Mehhh.

Do you have your license? Nope.

Are you tired? Of course I am.

Who will you be with today/tonight? I’ll be with all my family at various times because they each have work but different schedules. We’ll all be home together tonight when they’re all off and home for the night. I’ll be with my doggo all day.

What color is the shirt you are wearing? Black.

Last person to call you? My mom.

Do you have any piercings? Just my earlobes.

Have you ever kissed someone who you weren't dating? Yes.

What was the reason for your last tear shed? Blah.

Do you go to school? If so, what one? Nope, I finished 5 years ago.

Ever feel like you have been replaced? I’ve felt that way many times before. I definitely know my former friends have replaced me, but that’s completely to be expected. I hope they have found better friends than me.

What are you doing tonight? Same stuff I do every night.

Who were you last in car with? My mom.

Would you rather write a paper or give a speech? Write a paper. I definitely do not miss having to give speeches or do presentations in front of the class. 

Are you lying to yourself about something? Maybe.

What is your favorite thing to eat with peanut butter? Toast, PB & jelly, bananas, chocolate. 

Your mood summed up into one word? Blah.

Is the person you last texted single? No.

Are you a happy person? No. Have you had your birthday this year? Yeah, three months ago.

Do you think any of your exes will eventually want to be with you again? Nopeee. And that’s perfectly fine cause I don’t want to be them either.

Was New Year’s Eve enjoyable? It was okay. I miss how we were all like, woo roaring 20′s and 2020 vision we’re gonna see things clearly and how we had absolutely NO idea what was soon to come and how quickly the world would change. Although, I will say I think we have seen a lot of things more clearly this year, it was just a lot bigger and more serious than we thought. 

If you could move away, no questions asked, where would you move to?  Hmm. Not sure. My family and I do really want to move in the near future, though.

What would you change about your life right now? A lot of things...

Has anything upset you in the past week? Yes.

Are you on the phone? Nope.

What’s your favorite color? Pastels, rose gold, coral, mint green, and yellow.

Which do you prefer, relationship or a one-night-stand? Relationship. I’m not interested in a one night stand.

[wildefluorescent]

ten for ten for ten

answer 10 questions, come up with 10 questions, tag 10 people to answer them

1. What was the last piece of media that made you cry? Why (optional)?

i think it was when i rewatched the episode of queer eye where they guy proposes to his girlfriend and spells her name to mean love.......

2. Do spoilers actually bother you or not? Do you ever seek them out deliberately?

lmao yes and no. now i'll elaborate. it's not as much about spoilers as it is that sometime when i consume some media where i had an idea what would happen (like the raven cycle for lack of a better example) afterwards i'll always wish i had gone in with no idea what will happen. the thing is i usually seek out the content myself before i start a book or sth which is like. marta why do u do that. but also i'm not really bothered, i can and do enjoy things even when i know how everything will turn out. i'm only really bothered when it comes to like mystery novels cause that's kind of the whole point to me. the one thing i can't get over that was spoiled to me (in the most bizarre way) is everything about sirius and peter in the prisoner of azkaban cause my librarian told me the goblet of fire was the third book and my 10yo self believed her so i read it before i read the prisoner of azkaban lmao. this was unnecessarily long fjdkfkdk

3. If you were to describe yourself using a colour palette, which colours would you use?

different shades of yellow, orange, baby blue and navy

4. If you were a fictional character, which songs would you want people to associate you with and which headcanons about you would the audiences probably make, based on your life so far?

ohhh this is an interesting one, like idk i feel it would be fun to give off vibes that could get me gifsets or moodboards of me with mcr quotes on them

5. If you were to design a card or a tarot deck, what pattern or motif would you put on the back of the cards? Would there be anything special about the deck? What would be your inspiration for the motifs?

now i'm sorry in advance cause i don't know anything about tarot. but i'd want them in the palette from question three plus some reds

6. Are there any songs that you can't listen to anymore because they remind you of someone or something too much? Would you still choose to associate the song with them if you had the chance not to?

it's not that i can't listen to it but helena by mcr and fall out boys entire discography remind me of a former very good friend but i don't really listen to it anymore so it's okay

7. Do you have any piercings? If no, are you planning on getting any? If yes, are you planning on getting more?

i have a septum piercing, also used to have four in my ears but two of them wouldn't heal so i took them out and two just disappeared cause i didn't wear earrings for almost a year and i just noticed that last week. i want one more nose piercing, am planning to do some more in my ears, and would love a lip piercing but i don't think i'm gonna get one anytime soon

8. Which/what kind of noises do you find the most soothing? Which/what kind od noises annoy you the most?

most soothing is water, most annoying is cutlery on plates and whatever sound styrofoam makes

9. Do you like reading poetry? If yes, what kind? If no, why not? (Optionally, add a poem recommendation)

i definitely enjoy writing poetry more than i enjoy reading it but i do like to read some poems from time to time. don't really have a preference ngl, nor a recommendation sorry

10. Which fictional characters would you say influenced your personal development the most, if any?

david from druck lately, piglet from winnie the pooh ron and hermione when i was a kid

my questions:

1. If you had the chance to reconsume any book, film, show, poem, anything, without knowing anything about it, what would it be? Why?

2. What is something you’ve learned in the last couple of years that’s most enjoyable to you?

3. Describe your ideal day off/weekend.

4. What’s your favourite scent of a candle?

5. If you could  see one thing behind your window every day after waking up, what would it be?

6. What is something special about someone you love?

7. Do you prefer lined, checkered, dotted or plain paper? Why?

8. Do you have any tattoos? Do you want any?

9. You publish the book you’ve always dreamed of publishing. Did you imagne it with hardcover or paperback? What colours do you see on the cover? Do you know what kind of book it would be?

10. What song do you have stuck in your head now?

thank you for tagging me @see-it-all-so-clear <3 

i’m tagging @vlindervin7 @nbronan @jewishdavid @amiras-bitch @247-series @dana-song @muscosus @losojitos @imalmostmeagain @floraflorenzi but no pressure yall <3 

[lala-pipo]

(1/13) Ahh, yeah I just went over to the shower scene again, the scenes before and after it, and maybe because I was really immersed in Taem’s perspective at looking at things – I quite literally took it as is, like Jong had mood swings, not sure why and that’s it? But there IS something fragile in Jong, he acted oddly, and you are right that Taem does feel helpless and stuck in his own thoughts… it’s kinda hard to see the scenes unfold without Taem’s opinion on it right hahaha

(2) but that makes it really interesting for me, since I just literally follow Taem’s train of thoughts every time, until you pointed it out to me! Kinda feel bad about for not noticing it though ^^;; but yeah, for sure as an audience, we are just “pls come on you guys!! :(“ But, from chapter 10 we get to know Jong’s thoughts and feelings ououou sooo excited since so far we see Taem’s world and yeah!! I think maybe we would be able to see why Jong acted the way he did in the prev. chapters :3

Cricket nony!!! ❤️

How are you doing???

I mean it will still be Taemin’s POV from chapter 10 on (I don’t like it when people switch POV in the middle of a story Stephanie Meyer style :’D) but Jonghyun will be more expressive and talk more – so I guess this will be helpful to the reader to grasp his view on things. 

(3) Right! He did get blinded by his own feelings, because maybe he doesn’t realize, well he does realize that it mirrors Jong-Key relationship to an extent, but not the whole of it? Like how he said to Jong, Key made Jong feel bad and upset so therefore he should just leave Key, and told him to stop pining for Key, but then eyy he can’t stop pining for Jong lol but then maybe he sees it as a slightly ~different~ situation hahaha

Let’s say Taemin is blindsided by love and acts and behaves in odd ways lmao, he will continue to do so in chapter 9. ^^”

(4) OMG CHAPTER 8!! YOU DID! YOU WENT IN like a warrior indeed omg… I cried cried cried… I re-read that outside club scene like so many times… because it just makes me so sad and *sniff* you did cut all the strings without any mercy uhuhuhuhuh I am looking forward on how the story will continue omg Taem going back to the hometown?? Where will the story go?? Drought onto chapter 9? Will Taem skip a semester on University and be back for Autumn instead?? T__T

(5) Right in front of your own salad lol YEAHH I saw the JongTae oneshots, I haven’t read them yet, I think I will read them when chapter 9 gets too much (honestly, mentally preparing myself for what is to come) T__T Hahaha but I think slice of life genre has some angst and fights sometimes too right, since it supposed to reflect real life right right, so it’s still generally a chill read, as in we even get to know Taem’s thoughts as he reads the bible, and also on dystopian-what-ifs scenarios l

Awww ... don’t cry :(

No, Taemin won’t skip a semester – that would be – too dramatic? Someone wasting their life away for half a year because of someone who doesn’t reciprocate their feelings? Don’t know about that. That seems a tad unlikely to me. ^^” But maybe that’s just me because I’m such a cold-hearted human being. :’)

(6) LOL yeah that is true you do know ~ the truth~ lol but perhaps you telling us that Taem is an unreliable narrator might help us? Lol might help us to doubt everything but literally will not help us to actually see the things, the scenes, the people, the relationships as is? honestly that is one of the big mysteries – everyone gets along so well with Key! And, for sure I’m taking everything with a grain of salt but still can’t help but feel sad for Taem :( obviously, since we are in his head

I mean if you come to think of it, Taemin got along well with Kibum as well in the beginning until he started developing feelings for Jonghyun and realized – or thought that Kibum is the one intervening with the happiness he could experience with Jonghyun.^^ I mean Kibum doesn’t do much, he just lives the typical life of a university student and enjoys himself - we can’t blame him for doing that. 

(7) Right right as Taem is an unreliable narrator, I can’t tell lol but either way you are right, with or without intentions, humans are humans and we don’t know anything. Knowing that if Minho DID have intentions only add spice in the story but not really change the fact that he might be giving out bad advice unintentionally, like maybe he could have ulterior motives in general, but not particularly on that advice, does it make sense hahaha ^^;;

(8) Ahhh yeah I think maybe the scene in chapter 8 made it clearer of the emotional frustrations that Taem had with Jong? I think even the fact that you added 25k words alone on this chapter I think signifies that Taem was going through his head a lot, muddling his thoughts and frustrations with Jong? To kinda show that maybe not THAT much time has passed by, but surely in Taem’s head it feels like forever – with some many thoughts and feelings going around :(

I think why it does feel like a long time, although it’s just one semester – is the fact that they share a living space – and see each other constantly. That’s a completely different premise in contrast to people meeting out in the wild and meeting up for a cup of coffee now and then, or something the like. So the time Taemin spent with Jonghyun most likely felt far more intense to him.

(9) Dramatic Taem even reading the bible hahaha I really enjoy the biblical references though, most of the time they are funny references on how he compares something trivial to a bible thing xD Oh! And also!! Happy belated birthday! Is it December 3rd? Is that your birthday? Since it was a very specific date in the story that it got me wondering… hmmm could it possibly? I hope you were able to spend it with the people you love, and I wish you health and happiness for the years to come! <3

This is correct. ^^ December 3rd is my birthday and December 3rd was also the date I got to see Jonghyun live for the first time – so it has a double meaning. ^^ Thank you, you’re too kind. I had pizza on that day, so I had a lovely time…haha

(10) Big brain energy for the mythological aspect of Song of Sirens lol but but you know did I mention, ah probably I didn’t since I only do snort comments on Dorm Life lol but interestingly, I thought that Song of Siren would actually refer to a story of Jong having such a beautiful voice – as in he is the Siren and he be singing in the myth, but as it turned ouuut it is not the case lol

(11) That is why!! In the beginning especially I was really excited to know how the story might unfold to reveal that Jong is the siren, but then! (at least for me) it took an unexpected turn hahahah I already created a possible plot for the story before even reading the story lol so it was really fresh mint plot for mee :3

Ah – that’s interesting that you thought Jonghyun would be another siren. :o Jonghyun was supposed to be Selene first – but I thought that was 1) too obvious and 2) the story of the sirens and Persephone actually exists like that and wasn’t completely made up, so it was easier to tie the ends together. And I mean Jonghyun as the goddess of spring? That works well in my head as well. ^^

(12) Oh!! And don’t worry! I actually love doing this – making comments, observations, analyzations and actually asking you if they are your intentions or not! It’s like washing dishes and cleaning up my room, therapeutically calming! :3 I’m happy that it makes you happy <3 I am indeed sorry for blasting your inbox though… it must have been a LOT of messages ^^;; thank you for spending your time with my weird questions and observations honestly lol I read all of your AO3 replies, thank you!

I still haven’t managed to get through all of your comments on ao3 – but I hopefully will by the end of the year. Thanks again so much for leaving me so many comments to read <3 I wholeheartedly enjoy reading them. ^^

(13) I am doing much much better now! Thank you for your kind words <3 I really really appreciate the work that you put in Dorm Life! I have so much fun reading it! Like I only re-read it twice but I noticed things that I didn’t before, I’m just!! I am just super happy and I am super thankful for all your hardwork! I hope you have a lovely December too! I hope you can stay healthy as well! Thank you so much hwarang_number san for reading and betaing also! You guys are amazinggg! <3 Thank you!!

@hwarang-number thank you from me too! ^^

I’m glad you enjoyed the story so far. Chapter 9 will be a let-down in terms of entertainment value – it’s more of a filler chapter, but I still enjoyed writing it so  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ for me as a writer it doesn’t feel like a filler, but I know it will feel like that to the reader. But I wanted chapter 9 to end on a cliffhanger, that’s why I didn’t add anything to it anymore. I hope chapter 10 will be more enjoyable in that regard again. ^^

Please take good care of yourself, cricket nony. I hope you will have a pleasant rest of December! *sends you all the best wishes*

[dragonclaw29]

Top Ten Anime

Its that time of year again. The time of year I post my anime review list for my personal picks for the best anime of all time. You can disagree with me if you want, you’ll be wrong, but you can. As per usual I will give a brief synopsis of each anime when I get to them in the list. Prepare to see many of the ones that were on last year but there have been a few new additions. Now without further adieu let us begin. 

Number 10 Azumanga Daioh

It's cute it’s funny it’s Azumanga Daioh. Follow the tale of a group of high school girls who may be missing a few screws as they adventure through their daily lives. This show is one of comedy and laughs. It sticks close to the core of what makes it fun and doesn’t through you for a curve. By far my favorite comedy Anime of all time. If you really enjoy it check out the manga as well it is a blast. Not much to say about this one so moving right along.

Number 9 Black Lagoon

Black Lagoon is a staple of the three B’s of anime those being Boobs, Bullets, and Businessman. What happens when a young salary worker is forced into a mercenary band of Americans? Well, you get Black Lagoon. An action anime through and through. Every episode is tackling some new problem. Some of these problems are entertaining like neo-nazis on a boat but others will tug at your heartstrings. One of the few anime that can keep a light-hearted tone then switch to a different genre within seconds and make it work. I would recommend this to anyone who wants to get into anime. 

Number 8 Death Parade

Everybody put your hands up! God dang does this opening rock. I mean its completely misleading but the song is such a jammer that it doesn’t matter. Ever wonder what happens when you die, do you rise to heaven or be banished to Hell? Well, the characters in Death Parade will try to help answer that problem. By playing the games found in their bar people will expose their darkest secrets and I do mean darkest.  Not for the faint of heart but worth a watch. If you want to see a heartwarming touching show that also has some heavy philosophical concepts Death parade is right for you. Has one of the best scenes in all of anime near the end. I will amendment I was balling like a baby during parts of this show. 

Number 7 Trigun

Trigun the space western that tells the tale of the most wanted man who ever existed. What did the man do to become so wanted, especially when all the guy seems to do is tumble his way through life? Well, I’m not telling you but its fun figuring it out. A great show with some stand-up comedy. Like Black-Lagoon the tone of each episode can vary greatly but its never not enjoyable. This is a show where the plot sneaks up on you and by the time your in the thick of it you’ll be eating everything up. One of the only anime to have a pair of insurance girls as main characters so that's a plus. If you liked Cowboy Bebop you love Trigun. 

Number 6 Future Diary

Future Diary is the show that really got me into anime. I remember watching this for the first time and staying up until four in the morning to binge it even though I said I was only going to watch two episodes. This show put me through the wringer and I loved every second of it. Future Diary has great character creation and has a way to make you stop and look at how people can break. Beautiful animation and great fight scenes future diary also is the origin of the modern Yandere. This show will always have a special place in my heart. 

Number 5 Last Exile 

This show is so good and has such wonderful world building I don’t know where to start. The basic premise is steampunk world but it is much much more than that. Last Exile creates a massive narrative that leaves you sitting on the edge of your seat. The budget for this show was crap so they made up for it by telling an awesome story. So much happens in this show it almost feels like three shows despite only being a twenty-six episode series. The characters are dynamic and fell real. The situations they find themselves in are interesting and everything comes together in the end in one massive finally. 

Number 4 Berserk (Original 1990′s version and theatrical releases)

I’m going, to be honest with you these shows exist to get you into the manga. Also, Mirua finish the god damn manga already its been thirty years. Anywho the berserk anime before 2017 are all lovely. My recommendation is to watch the one that came out in 97 first then watch the three movies that cover the same time period. The anime goes into more depth into the story while the movies give berserk the awesome animation it deserves. The story is dark and bleak sometimes oppressively so but the plot and characters will have you blitzing through every moment. Berserk is good enough to be taught in a writing class for its nature, and I to this day wait patiently for each manga chapter to come out. All I can say is push through the darkness struggler. 

Number 3 Serial Experiments Lain

Award for best pajamas in an Anime goes to this show as well as the reward for making one of the most confusing convoluted shows to watch. Every scene in this show means something. The narrative is one that hits the ground at 90mph and doesn’t stop. Through every twist and turn, more questions are raised and the answers never seem to come. In order to truly enjoy Lain one will have to watch the show multiple times and even then you may be missing large aspects of the show. People have hundreds of theories with each theory seeming reasonable or sound. My recommendation watch this show with an open mind and theorize as you go. Don’t go online looking for answers you won’t find ones that suite your ideas. When you finish then you can look around but truth be told the theory you come up with might be as factual as any of the other ones. 

Number 2 Madoka Magica

What does it mean to love someone? Does it mean doing whatever it takes to save them no matter what the cost is? Does love come from self-sacrifice or is it something greater still? Madoka Magica will have you pondering this and more as you go through the episodes. This show has the best art in an anime I have ever seen. Each character has their own unique ark that plays into the central plot line. Each villain has their own unique style that shows up when the girls are facing them. Even typing about this show is making me gush about how good it is. I strongly recommend this to everyone and anyone. This is an anime where I can honestly not think of a single flaw in it. 

Number 1 Tie Evangelion & Haibane Renmei 

Before you get mad at me, yes I know I’m cheating but I honestly can’t rank either of these below the number 1 spot. Both of these shows have changed the way I look at the world. Evangelion made me look at myself in an entirely new way and Haibane makes me cry justing talking about it. I honestly love both of these shows even though each has a budget of two dollars. Evangelion tells the tale of a group of children who are tasked with defending humanity. Each child will be tested in that task with. Haibane tells the tale of a girl finding her place in the world and learning to help others. Both shows are brilliant pieces that I will never forget. I am being vague about both of them on purpose in order not to spoil anything but definitely give both of these a watch some time. Also, a tip when you go to watch Evangelion watch it in this order ep1-24 then End of Eva ep25-26 then the rebuilds. 

Well, that's it another year completed another list uploaded. If anyone has questions feel free to message me and I am more than happy to talk. Lets hope for a great 2019!

[eliotandquentinsittinginatree]

Getting back up

*Quick notes: This is in no way, shape or form related or compliant to season 5. Because I have not and will not watch season 5. You cannot take away my favorite character and destroy my favorite ship with it, and then expect me to keep watching your show, you meanie showrunners.*

This might be something that I will occasionally work on. It’s all thought out and finished in my head, so the only question is how well I will be able to put it into words. This is pretty much a teaser chapter, which I will expand on at a later date, when I have more time. English is not my first language, and I am not as eloquent or articulate as so many of the other talented writer I have had the pleasure to discover in this fandom. Alas, the plot bunny has gotten lost in my head, and now I have to write this thing out. I sincerely do hope that someone might find some enjoyment out of this fic, when it’s finished, but I caution anyone to not expect too much. It will likely be very slow going, and not as well written as it could be. :-)

It’s also entirely self-indulgent. I don’t want Quentin to stay dead. I want Queliot to happen. I want these people to all be actual friends who love and trust each other. So these are all things that I will be working towards, even though it might not always correspond well with the canon that has been established in the four seasons leading up to Quentin’s death.

Summary/teaser:

“Did I do something really brave to save my friends, or did I finally find a way to kill myself?”

- As Quentin gets the answer to this last important question, he also learns that his friends are still in need of saving.

Funnily enough, even though Quentin had spent literal years worth of time thinking about death (most specifically his own), he had never really pictured his funeral.

And, well, technically this might not qualify as a funeral, Quentin thought as he watched his friends sing and feed simple but significant trinkets into the fire, it was indubitably more beautiful than anything his broken brain could have ever cooked up.

Dean Fogg’s presence had surprised him a little, to be perfectly honest, but he certainly appreciated it.

Penny had taken him to Fillory first, where Josh and Fen had set up a memorial feast in his honor.

In memory of King Quentin Coldwater, savior of Fillory, magic, and the world.

Quentin felt unworthy of the title. After all, he hadn’t ever really handled any kingly duties the way Margo and Eliot had, and he hadn’t been the only one fighting to save all those things they were celebrating him for. But non the less, seeing as a whole kingdom raised their (metaphorical) glasses to him, as well as Josh and Fen’s honest tears, had filled his heart with warmth.

Then getting back to earth, watching the people he had come to love in each of their own specific ways, watching as Eliot and Margo had made their way into the circle, and god ELIOT! The tall man was leaning on Margo heavily, stumbling ever so slightly, face pale, clearly still hurt, still healing.

But in this very moment, he was the most beautiful being Quentin had ever seen. Alive.

Eliot was alive. They had done it. It had all been worth it.

Eliot was alive.

Thank god

Thank god

Thank god

Eliot was alive and on his feet. Quentin was unashamed of the tears that streamed down his face.

Margo, Alice, Julia, Penny23, Kady, Josh, Fen. They were okay. Sad, sure. Grieving, crying, for him, and this was still a concept that was somehow so hard for him to grasp, yet filled his heart with so much affection for each and every one of them.

But they were alive and whole and in time, they would heal.

He felt at peace.

“They are gonna be okay, right?”

The question was more of an after thought, murmured in Penny’s direction. And Quentin fully expected Penny to smile in that soft, knowing way of his (which was still so new and strange to Quentin, but somehow, fit the other man perfectly), and tell him not to worry, that their friends would be just fine.

But when no answer came forth, Quentin forced his eyes away from the group sitting around the fire to look back at his friend, and found an expression he had trouble deciphering.

“I was really hoping you wouldn’t ask me this, Q.”

The shock of those words, as well as the use of that nickname (Penny had changed so much. And the weirdest part of that was how Quentin still thought of him as the same person. As part of the team. Always one of them), made him turn around fully. 

“What do you mean? They.. they will be alright, right?” Anxiety was building up. “We. - We got the monsters out. Julia and El- Eliot, they are .. we saved them. We did it! Everett is gone, and, and you said the library is in better hands now! Magic will return back to the way it was. Why-” He had to pause to get rid of the lump that was forming in his throat, threatening to strangle him. The song behind him was coming to an end and he turned his head to cast another look at his friends. They were fine. They were fine and alive and they were together! (Well, Josh was missing, but they had an easy way back to Fillory, and he knew, he knew they wouldn’t abandon each other)  He watched as Eliot and Margo leaned into each other, both crying silently as they watched the flames consume the peach and blacken the crown. They were fine. They were alive. They were fine!

“- why wouldn’t they be okay?”

He was looking at Penny with what he hoped was conviction, but felt more like desperation. His words had been meant to come out strong, but had likely been a plea. 

And Penny.., Penny looked like he wanted to fold his body into itself, while also trying to scrape together the words needed to talk someone away for the ledge. Quentin knew what that looked like. Because he had been in both positions. Been the one trying to talk someone down, and been the one who was being talked down. Right now, he felt like he was there again, looking down at the ground from high above, but he didn’t know if he was the one who wanted to jump, or the one who wanted to save the jumper.

“Quentin, look, I.. I literally can’t lie to you about this, but I really, really want to. Because this is not on you. This is not your responsibility. But if I answer your question, I know that you will take it as such.”

Penny took a step closer to him, settling his hands steadily on his shoulders, squeezing tightly, and looking directly into the smaller man’s eyes.

“I want you to listen to me closely. You have done and sacrificed enough. For the last three years, you have been running yourself into the ground, putting out fires, while ever more kept getting started. And I know you blame yourself for most of those as well, but I’m telling you right now, it wasn’t your fault. What happened to the others, what happened to me, what happened to the world as a whole. That wasn’t your fault, man. You just died, saving the people you love. There is a ticket in my pocket for you. That will take your soul to be reborn. All the pain, all the drama and tragedy, all that will be gone. It will be a good life, Quentin. A peaceful one. No apocalypses, no self serving gods or monsters. No more broken brain. You will be happy, Q. You deserve this. So please, don’t make me answer that question.”

Penny looked at him so earnestly, beseechingly. And Quentin felt bad about not being able to follow his request.

“Why won’t they be okay, Penny? ... Please.”

The other man closed his eyes, a sigh full of sorrow and regret leaving his lips, and squeezed the deceptively frail looking shoulders again, as if in apology.

“Is the thought that losing you is something they won’t get over, really so far out of your grasp?”

The answer to that was clearly obvious in the wide, uncomprehending eyes of the shorter man before him.

“...What?”

[shotsbyshae]

Eyes Closed (Part 3)

Warnings: Fluff, Angst

Words: 2.7k

Pairing: Steve x Witch!Reader, Bucky x Witch!Reader

Summary: Steve’s just trying to keep a promise he made to his best friend.

Song: Eyes Closed by Halsey

Would've gave it all for you, cared for you.

6 Years Ago

Ally was innocent in all of this; Hydra had wanted you, but you weren’t home when they broke into the apartment the two of you had shared, so they took her instead – collateral. They’d heard the rumors from your previous handlers of the power lurking just below the surface, a power you had refused to unleash.

By the time you and the four-member team (Stark, Wilson, Barnes, and Romanoff) had found the Hydra base it was too late. You had walked in to find Ally tied to a chair in the center of the room, trails of blood down the front of her blouse from the gaping wound across her neck. All the life drained from her young, beautiful face. Bucky had tried to keep you from seeing her, but it was too late, he could see the change in your demeanor – the rage in your eyes. No one else on the team was sure why the building began to shake ever so slightly as you ran outside, but Tony had his theories as he watched the dark-haired soldier follow after you. That was the day your life changed, something broke inside you seeing Ally’s lifeless body, but looking back that was also the day you gained something else.

*

“Don’t,” you warn from the edge of the tree line, watching as the man moves cautiously towards you. You’d tried to run as far from the building – as far away from the team – as possible. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

Barnes doesn’t stop his advance, “I guess that’s a chance we’re going to have to take.”

“Please,” your veins are burning white hot and every muscle in your body is electrified. Your voice is weak and frantic. “I can’t control it – not when it’s like this – it’s too much.”

He slowly takes your hands in his, one at a time, the cool metal from the prosthetic arm is a welcomed relief to your burning skin. “Well I’m not leaving you out here alone, this is what they want, to push you over the edge.”

Angry, hot tears well up at the thought of Ally and you close your eyes tightly.

“Don’t be who they want you to become,” his words are surprisingly soft as his hands gently squeeze yours. “You’re more than that – just breathe.”

You do as he instructs, the fire still raging just beneath the surface. It takes a moment for the anger to subside and grief to take its place, chilling you to the bone as tears begin to fall silently. The heartache diminishes the uncontrollable feeling you had. The two coincide – grief and anger – only one unleashes that power within you. You drop your head as you let the sadness consume you, sobbing at the thought of your friend and her innocence. Bucky pulls you closer to him, releasing your hands as he envelopes you in his arms.

After that day it became a ritual, much like Natasha with Bruce, anytime you were too close to the edge, Bucky was the one sent in to bring you back down. He was never afraid of you and supported your powers because they were a part of you, no matter how much you hated them.

5 Years Ago

“Barnes,” Stark’s voice comes across the earpiece frantically. “You got eyes on her? I have a feeling that’s not an earthquake.”

The soldier is already on his way up the stairs to you, knowing that dealing with Hydra is always a little more intense for you than any other missions. Intense scenarios don’t mix well with your power, although he’s trying to help you work on controlling that too.

“Hey,” he says calmly entering the room, taking note of the three Hydra agents lying on the floor around you. “You good?” He can see the look in your eyes as you glance up at him, sweat beading up on your forehead, and it’s a look he’s grown fond of. It’s not pride or enjoyment he gets from it, but rather an honor – a privilege – to be the one person you turn to.

“I need – a minute,” you say breathlessly. You can hear the rattle, clings, and clangs of everything in the room as the whole building trembles underneath you. “This was a lot.”

Barnes lays his weapon down on the desk as he moves closer to you, “Come here.” He reaches for you and you turn to him, pressing your forehead against the front of his suit as your hands cling to his arms.  

“Talk to me,” you say, closing your eyes tightly. The sound of glass cracking and wood splintering is only making matters worse. “I need to take my mind off it.”

Bucky glances around, knowing he needs to do something quickly before the whole building collapses around you and he begins, his voice a bit off-key, “Somebody said you had a new friend, does she love you better than I can?” He tries to get the rhythm right as he continues, “There’s a big black sky over my town, I know where you’re at, I bet she’s around.”

You tilt your head back to look at him in utter disbelief, “Are you singing Robyn?”

“Yea I know it’s stupid,” he smirks at you, noticing that the building is beginning to settle as you continue to look at him in complete awe. “I just gotta see it for myself.”

“I’m in the corner, watching you kiss her,” you slowly being to sing along with him. “Oohh.” The pain is subsiding as your body temperature slowly returns to normal. “I’m right over here, why can’t you see me? Oohh.” A smirk crosses your lips as you shove his shoulder playfully, “You have been listening to my playlist, jerk.”

“Least it wasn’t Jonas Brothers,” Stark’s voice comes across both their coms.

“Can we make this mandatory for every mission?” Sam’s voice states through their earpieces. “Maybe next time a little Beyoncé.”

“Or next time I’ll just let her bring the building down,” Barnes winks at you, his blue eyes contrasting brightly against the dirt and grime on his face.

Present Day

The next morning you’re leaning against counter in the kitchen, sipping carefully from a cup of coffee, trying to not think about having slept with Steve last night. Sex you could handle. It was physical – a release – something complete strangers do. Maybe you’re overthinking things, but actually sleeping together, your body curled into his was more intimate.

The pop of the toaster jerks you out for your thoughts as Steve eases his way into the kitchen, “Morning.”

“Hey,” you respond, pointing across to the with freshly toasted bread sitting peacefully between the two slots of the toaster.  “I made breakfast.”

“I’m impressed,” he smirks.

“You should be,” you remark as he moves to make him a cup of coffee.

“Once you finish, call Tony about last night and then get ready,” Steve instructs with a half-smile. “I have an idea for today.”

You cock an eyebrow at him curiously as you take another sip of your coffee.

***

“What are we doing here?” You question Steve as the two of you make your way along the river walkway toward a carousel. It’s been years since you’ve been here, it used to be one of your favorite places back when the world was right. However, now the carousel looks deserted – desolate – nowhere near the brightly lit, colorful attraction it once was.

“You used to love this place,” Rogers states knowingly and you furrow your brow in confusion. You watch as Steve makes his way around the outside of the merry-go-round searching for something. After a moment, the lights and music suddenly come to life and you take a step back in surprise as Steve walks back around with his arms held out in triumph.

“Hop on,” he orders with a smile and you do as he says, watching as he fiddles with the controls at the small operator’s booth. You pick a beautifully painted white horse with red and gold details, then pull yourself up to straddle the fiberglass creature as the carousel begins to spin slowly, creaking and popping as it comes back to life. As it makes a complete turn, you realize Steve’s no longer at the operator’s booth and you begin to look around for him. “Hey.” His words startle you, he’s so close you can feel the warmth of his body near your thigh as your horse slowly rises and falls in rhythm with the other horses.

“How did you know about this place?” You wrap your hands around the steel pole in front of you, before leaning your temple against it.

“How do you think?”

You roll your eyes, “Was there anything about me he didn’t tell you?”

“Probably not.”

“Okay, so why bring me here?”

The look in his eyes sincere, “When’s the last time you took a moment to breathe?”

You stare at him without answering, knowing you’ve kept yourself busy in one form or another so much since that day that breathing hasn’t been an option.

“How long has it been out of control?” Steve questions, gripping the pole of the horse beside you.

“I’ve felt it,” you begin quietly, “coming for a couple months. Knowing it’s been two years since that day.”

“Was it like this a year ago?”

You give a shake of your head, not wanting to tell him that a year ago you were still crying yourself to sleep every night. Grief had a much stronger hold on you then, you had only tried to hide it with anger.

“Well, I’m sure Tony can figure something out,” he comments reassuringly. “Until then – let’s try breathing.”

You give him a small smile and turn to watch the world spin by ever so slowly, remembering the last time you were here, watching the scene play out before you as if from a movie. You toss your head back laughing as Bucky leans his face into your shoulder, trying unsuccessfully not to laugh. Your arm is stretching away from the two of you with your cell phone clutched awkwardly in your hand as you try to get both of you in frame for a photo. The black horse you’re sitting on slowly rises then falls, bringing you back face to face with the man, allowing you to snap the photo. Barnes tears a piece of cotton candy from the bag in his hand as you inspect the photo and he offers it to you. Without looking away from the device you open your mouth and he slides the sugary concoction past your lips just like he’s done hundreds of times before. You show him the photo with a warm smile which he reciprocates. Being with him was easy and to anyone watching, they would have assumed the two of you were more than friends, because just friends don’t look at each other that way.

A hand on your shoulder brings you back to the present and you realize the carousel has stopped spinning. You look over to find what’s becoming a familiar look of concern on Steve’s face, “You good?”

“Yea,” you respond, moving to slide off the white horse. The man beside you keeps a steady hand on you until you manage to get both feet on the wooden floor. You glance up at him, seeing the flash in his eye like before he kissed you last time. Your heart stops for a moment in anticipation, but he takes a step back and you sigh with slight disappointment. “Will this fieldtrip of yours involve food?”

He shoves his hands in his pockets with a smirk, “It can.”

***

You open the door to Steve’s apartment for him, because you have one plastic grocery bag full of items on your wrist, where as he has two bags dangling from one arm, a six pack of beer gripped in one hand, and a large pizza box held steady in the other. He’s laughing as he enters the apartment and you’re defending your excessive grocery run.

“You’ve never experienced a movie night then,” you say defiantly. “Popcorn is merely an appetizer. You need some form of chocolate, gummy worms, both sweet and sour, cotton candy –”

“Gummy worms?” Steve interrupts your list as he places the beer in the fridge. “Like gummy bears?”

“Seriously?” You stare at him blankly for a moment, before you move to find the box of sour worms. Tearing into it like a small child, you pull out a bright pink and blue gummy candy shaped like its namesake and shove it toward his mouth. “Try it.” He opens his mouth cautiously, allowing you to slip the candy inside, your finger and thumb brushing against his bottom lip as you pull your hand back.

You’re unsure if he did that on purpose, but you can see a playful glint in his eye as he chews the candy. “Not bad huh?”

“Not bad,” he comments, removing some other contents from one of the bags. “I still prefer popcorn.”

Halfway through whatever action thriller is playing on the TV, you lean forward from the sofa to the assortment of snacks spread out on the coffee table. You grab the last handful of gummy worms and lean back against the cushions, your legs are crossed underneath you and one of the plain throw pillows, which obviously came standard with the sofa, is lying in your lap. Steve stretches towards you on the sofa, closing the distance, “Can I?” He’s looking at the candy in your palm and you close your hand quickly, tucking it against your chest.

“Oh no, you have popcorn – remember?”

“Is that how it is?”

“Yep.”

His brows knit together as he frowns – almost pouting – watching you pull an orange and green worm from your palm. You bite the worm in half for dramatic effect and offer him the green piece. He takes it from you, this time with his teeth, and you smirk proudly. “Told you my movie nights are better. I’m pretty awesome, didn’t he tell you that?”

The blue-eyed man in front of you leans back as he chews the candy slowly, a look of slight confusion crossing his features. “No, I figured that out on my own.” You watch him, the playful glint from earlier is replaced with a look of sad remorse. “The moment he told me you were who he’d been spending time with. You brought back a part of him I’d almost forgotten about, that kid who would spend every last dollar we had trying to win a stuffed bear for a girl at the fair.” He glances over at you achingly, and suddenly all his apologies make sense. It’s never really been an apology to you, but to the man he feels like he’s betraying. “You were the best thing to happen to him.”

You swallow the lump that forms in your throat as Steve stands up abruptly and walks into the kitchen. Your heart aches for something you never had the chance to have with Bucky and you quickly stand to follow behind the blue-eyed man, finding him leaning over his sink, his head hanging between his shoulders. He glances in your direction as you lean against the counter, “I’m –”

“If you say sorry Rogers, I swear, I’ll fling another stool at your head,” you place one hand on your hip. “Don’t make do that, because you have really nice stools.” He smiles tiredly as he drops his head again. “You said,” you begin quietly, gaining his attention, “he told you to watch out for me. Why do you think that is?” He holds your gaze as you move closer, gently placing your hand on top of his. “Maybe he didn’t want either of us to be alone. I feel closest to him when I’m with you, maybe because you’re the only other person who knew him better than I did.” Steve glances down as you continue. “I feel something around you that I haven’t felt since him. I don’t know what this is,” the words are hesitant as you squeeze slightly on his hand which is gripping the edge of countertop. “We can ignore it if you want to – pretend it doesn’t exist – but I think we’ve both lost when it comes to playing that game before.” Steve flicks his eyes over to you. “I’ve accepted the fact that he’s not coming back Steve – when will you?” The words hang in the air heavily as you pull your hand away before turning and walking out of the kitchen.

Part 4

[strawbwrry]

two ❥ under the rose

one

word count：3k

warnings：slight swearing (once again, literally 5 cuss words)

i am back!! so this chapter was interesting to write and maybe i finished it like 10 minutes ago, bUT ITS DONE AND I LIKE HOW IT CAME OUT :)

hope you enjoy and please feel free to talk about it with me cuties!!

song rec：wonderland ❥ dreamcatcher

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chapter two

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"Dongpyo, what the hell happened to Minhee?” I turned to the boy, and he himself had a look of utter shock. He stayed deadly silent, now I was absolutely positive something was wrong. He’d never just stay silent after seeing something like this. “Dongpyo, Dongpyo. Dongpyo!” His face went pale as his head turned to look at mine,

“Y/N, I have no idea what happened, but this is bad. We have to tell Yunseo.”

He swallowed nervously. I felt my body tense up as a chill creeped up my spine. My eyes wandered back to where he once stood. It seemed almost closed off, as if I went any more near it a more intensified feeling of worry and doubt would consume me. I took an anxious step back, my ankles and knees feeling weak. Dongpyo’s hand landed on my shoulder, “Y/N I jut called Yunseo, she told me she and her mom are going to pick us up. Let’s go wait by those benches.” I nodded softly, my legs moved sluggishly following closely behind Dongpyo.

We both fell onto the bench staying silent as what we had just seen truly dawned on us. Why the hell was Minhee a ghost? I pulled my lips closed tightly together before turning to Dongpyo. “Did nobody notice?” He looked confused for just a second before he realized what I was hinting at, “It was like he just disappeared. One day he was here the next he wasn’t. Not even Hyeongjun noticed.”

“Really? Hyeongjun didn’t notice? Haven’t they been friends for like, ever?” He nodded, then lifted his hands to rub at the skin of his eyelid. “I knew something was off but I wasn’t sure. I told Hyeongjun, he thought I was crazy. He mostly hangs out with Wonjin now. It’s like Minhee never existed.”

“That’s not right. Minhee and Hyeongjun were inseparable, now you’re telling me Hyeongjun doesn’t even have the slightest memory of him?” My voice came out more skeptical that intended, but did it really matter? His eyes widened suddenly with his eyes attached to the sidewalk across the street, “Y/N! Look.”

My head whipped around to find the boy stood, exactly where Minhee and I had our first date. He stood anxiously by a large oak tree before his eyes met mine for a second, when I came to blink, he was gone.

The anxious, shy, tall boy I had fallen for was gone. . In the blink of an eye he was gone. Each time I saw him, the more it hurt. The more it felt like if I had stayed, he’d still be here. I was losing Minhee all over again.

Dongpyo pulled me into a hug and I just laughed quietly to myself as my arms wrapped around his waist. My head rested on his shoulder as my eyes began to sting. My nose tingled, prompting me to sniffle. He pulled away and smiled at me cutely. His lips displayed in a pout and he pinched my cheeks.

“Awe, Y/N! Are you crying?” He pulled out the ending syllables of his words teasingly making me laugh, a tear just managing to escape my eye. I wiped it quickly and looked up, my hand coming to ruffle his hair, and his fingers pulled the corners of my lips up.

“Not anymore!”

❥❥❥❥

“Who’s Minhee?”

My head looked up to see her face, genuinely confused by the name. “Kang Minhee. Like my ex boyfriend.” She looked shocked. “Y/N you had a boyfriend? When? Why didn’t you tell me!” Dongpyo turned to look at me, he mouthed out, ‘What the hell?’

I shrugged but leaned my head back on the seat, and shut my eyes. My eyes sealed tightly as I continuously tried to convince myself I was making this up. I had to be. There’s no way Yunseo would forget Minhee. She was the one dealing with for for a few weeks as I cried about it.

“Yunseo you really don’t remember?”

My voice was weaker then I meant it to come out as. I hated that. I swallowed the small lump I felt growing in the back of my throat and rolled my eyes. No way in hell was I crying again today. My hands gripped at the hem of my sweater and I turned to look at the stars. Dongpyo and Yunseo’s voices sounded distant and far as my head was preoccupied with thoughts.

My eyes closed for just a second, just a brief moment, then a sudden loud screeching made me go deaf. For just a moment I saw our car swerving. I felt my body being pushed up against the door, my rib cage being roughly pressed up against the door so badly I swore I heard something crack. When my eyes opened, nothing. I saw Dongpyo and Yunseo staring at me, but nothing had really registered.

Nothing had happened. We were fine. The car was fine. My ribs were fine. But I wasn’t fine. I knew I wasn’t.

It was just starting to register in everyones mind, something wasn’t right with me. Something in me had changed, and certainly not in a good way.

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Sleepovers!

I used to love them. Over time though, it felt like each one kept getting considerably worse and less enjoyable. Yunseo’s bed was soft, her plush blankets were soft and welcoming. Dongpyo laid on an air mattress on the floor, another one of the soft blankets laid across his body.

“Y/N, you haven’t said anything since we were in the car. Are you alright?”

Dongpyo’s voice was sudden and unexpected. His upper body shot up and he turned to stare at my body. I laid flatly on my back looking up at the ceiling thinking about the events of the day. “I’m alright Dongpyo, just overwhelmed I guess.” My eyes were tired, but at the same time they were droopy. I felt like sleeping, but was aware I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep that night.

“Do you want to sleep Y/N?” Yunseo’s voice was small, she sounded unsure of what she was saying. I simply shook my head and turned to look at her. “Not yet Yunseo, lets do something. I want to get my mind off the shit storm that was today.”

She grinned and sat up, pulling me up along with her. “Let’s play some games! It’ll be like old times!”

I turned to look at Dongpyo and we grinned. Just like old times.

❥❥❥❥

It had been a few hours of playing games, and we had all grown quite tired of it. Yunseo moved and laid her head into my lap and sighed loudly, puffing her cheeks out and stretching her arms out.

“Y/N! Dongpyo! I’m bored. Let’s go do something. I’m so bored here. Can we go get food from somewhere I’m hungry.”

Dongpyo smirked as he laughed to himself, “I expect this behavior from me and probably Y/N honestly, but Yunseo? What have we done to her Y/N?” I laughed, then looked down to pinch her cheeks tightly. She let out squeals of disapproval desperately trying to get away from my hands. “Dongpyo I haven’t been with Yunseo in person for quite a while. I think you did this to her.” I looked up to make eye contact with him, winking at him.

His face flushed bright pink as he rolled his eyes, scoffing at me. I stuck my tongue out in return, which he did right after me. Yunseo, who was also blushing, giggled, “You two haven’t seen eachother in 6 months and already started fighting again.”

“How about we go get some snacks from the convenience store around the corner? I’m really hungry.” Dongpyo hummed in agreement, and I nodded, “Let’s go then.”

As Yunseo stood up I followed closely, adjusting my pajama pants and straightening up my shirt. My bones cracking slightly at the sudden movement. I walked out of her room followed closely by Dongpyo, who flicked the back of my head childishly. We scrambled down the stair, picked up our jackets that laid thrown across the couch messily and walked out to be met with the surprisingly cold air.

The air seared through my previously warm skin, leaving my face feeling uncomfortably fresh. I rubbed my hands together inside my pocket and walked next to Yunseo. I rolled my eyes at the sight of their hands interlocked together and finally spoke. “I wasn’t going to do anything for Halloween besides eat any candy I could find, but I think I might just have a costume in mind now.”

“What’s your costume idea Y/N?” Yunseo asked, her voice was trembling, it was oddly cold for an October evening. “I was thinking a wheel.” Dongpyo seemed taken aback, he squinted at me and let out a breathy laugh, “Why would you dress up as a wheel?”

I looked down at my hands, they felt slightly numb at the finger tips, but what did it matter? “Cause I can see into the future, and I can tell I’ll be third wheeling a lot.” I rubbed my old hands against my sweater in an attempt to warm them up. Minhee’s hands were always really warm. I missed that. Yunseo laughed, and Dongpyo’s stayed quiet, but tried his hardest to hide his snickers.

“No you won’t!”

“I’m third wheeling right now, I swear Dongpyo was just looking at you with hearts in his eyes.”

“Y/N!” He whined loudly, “I wasn’t not.” It was now my turn to roll my eyes and hide snickers under my breath as I watched their faces turn bright red. Except now it wasn’t due to the cold air. It was embarrassment, and if I was being honest I loved every second of making fun of them.

“Sure Dongpyo, if it makes you feel any better Yunseo was looking at you the same way.”

Yunseo’s small hand reached mine and slapped my arm, making me and Dongpyo laugh and she buried her head further into her hoodie.

“Am not.” She whined quietly. Dongpyo smiled cutely at the sight of this, making me scoff at them. They just proved my point. I smiled painfully, looking at them. They weren’t that disgusting to be with. Yet. If anything it was almost, dare I say, cute? I laughed at them before responding,

“Sure Yunseo.”

❥❥❥❥

My hand held tightly onto the warm drink in my hands as we walked out of the store. Dongpyo and Yunseo holding the bags as pay for making me third wheel. The October night was unsettlingly cold, as small gusts of wind occasionally blew by. The days earlier events continuously play in my head and Yunseo and Dongpyo’s shy nervous babbling continued.

Yunseo poked my shoulder, “Y/N why do you think it’s already really cold? It’s only October.”

I shrugged, a shiver racking through my whole body. My hands began to rub my arms gently trying to get any feeling of warmth. I came to a sudden halt, the plastic bag Yunseo held was now on the floor. I looked up at her, And I had never seen Yunseo’s face so pale.

“Yunseo what happened?”

She stayed silent, her face rosy, her mouth hung open, her eyes widened in fear. I looked around trying my hardest to find anything that’d warrant such a reaction.

Nothing. I had found absolutely nothing.

Dongpyo looked equally as confused. He gently shook her body, and I put my now warm hands on her cheeks, after handing Dongpyo my drink, trying to get her attention. Her jaw began trembling in the cold. I stood in front of her and put her arms around my neck, then pulled her up onto my back. Her arms tightened, her legs then moved to wrap around me as I picked her up fully. Dongpyo picked up the bag she had been carrying and we began to walk quickly.

At this point we weren’t even walking. We were running. It was difficult with her body weight over mine, but I had never ran as fast as I did that night ever. I was scared of something that lurked in the darkness. I wasn’t sure what of though.

We reached the doorstep and Dongpyo pulled the key Yunseo had dangling in her hand and opened the door. We hurried inside, locking the door once again as soon as we had entered.

She still hadn’t said a thing.

❥❥❥❥

Yunseo’s head laid comfortably on my shoulder, soundly asleep. After last night she hadn’t said anything about it, she seemed too scared to. I didn’t press further, when she felt okay with it, she would. The both of us sat in her mom’s car, we were going to be visiting her grandparents.

Her grandparents were the grandparents I never had, by now I was basically their 8th grandchild. They never treated me any different from their grandchildren.

With Yunseo alseep, my phone pretty much dead, I sat quietly looking out the window. Yunseo’s mom and my Aunt continuously talked about, pretty much anything. It wasn’t until I heard my name that my ears perked in.

“I don’t think where we live is good for Y/N. She hates it. She’s totally changed ever since she moved in with us. She used to be so talkative, she barely speaks full sentences back where we live. She seems so much happier here. The last thing her mom would’ve wanted for Y/N was this. Miyoung what do you think I should do?”

Yunseo’s mom hummed quietly, her lips pursed as she took a right turn. “She can always live with us, we sure wouldn’t mind having Y/N live here with us. But you should talk to Y/N about it. If you want what’s best for Y/N, then you have to ask her what she thinks is best for herself.”

I stopped listening there. I wasn’t sure what I thought was best for myself. Hell if I knew what I wanted anymore. Yunseo began to stir. Her head lifted up from my shoulder and she rubbed her eyes. “Y/N how long was I asleep?”

“The whole car ride Yun.”

She scrunched up her face slightly. “Sorry Y/N, didn’t mean to leave you for the car ride like that.”

“It’s fine, you didn’t sleep like at all last night.”

We got out of the car, Yunseo’s mom and my aunt stayed sat. “We’ll be back to pick you guys up in a few hours!”

We waved watching them drive off, then began to walk into the house. Their house was welcoming and warm, it smelled of fall spices, like warm food, and looked like the standard family home.

“Y/N! Yunseo! It’s nice to see you guys!”

Yunseo’s grandma came running up to us, her arms wrapping around us tenderly, she turned to focus on me and gasped. “Y/N you look so different! Your hair looks very pretty dear.” I smiled shyly, “Thanks Grandma!”

She turned to Yunseo and fixed her tousled hair before pinching her cheek playfully flicking her forehead.

Then her grandpa came in and smiled at us both. Following close behind him was Cocoa and Brownie. I giggled when they came to play with me. My hands gently running through Brownies fur. I straightened up to give him a hug. “Nice to see you Y/N. How have you been?”

“Pretty alright Grandpa. How have you and Grandma been?” Yunseo hugged him and he turned to look at the both of us, “We’ve been doing well. Your Grandma is finally feeling better after she hurt her arm.”

“Glad to hear that!” Yunseo said before she ran over to the table where food laid. “This looks so good!” They chuckled, “Yunseo, Y/N, feel free to get some! Junho, will you please bring some utensils dear?”

“On it.”

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My stomach was stuffed to the brim with food. I felt almost tired after the sheer amount of food I had just devoured. “So Yunseo, Y/N, I have a question for you two.” Grandma began as she walked around the kitchen with Grandpa cleaning up the table. I turned away from washing the forks replying with,

“What is it Grandma?”

“Have you two seen the ghosts around town?”

Yunseo came to an abrupt halt, “Yeah I’ve seen one.” I knew she had to have seen one last night. “What about you Y/N?”

“I’ve seen the male ghost twice and I might’ve seen the female once.”

Grandpa came up to me, quietly saying, “I’ll take it from here, your grandma wants to show you something.”

I wiped my hands across my pants drying them off before I went to sit on the couch next to Grandma. She pulled out a photo album, one looking very much familiar. “Grandma isn’t this the album with your first love’s picture?”

She nodded, “Pay him no mind, I just want to know if you’ve seen the same ghosts I’ve been seeing.”

She came to a certain page and stopped. She pulled out a photograph from a clear sleeve and handed it to me. “Hey that’s the woman I saw on the side of the road!”

I handed the photo to Yunseo, and she bit her lip harshly. She handed it back quietly before nodding, “Thats the ghost I saw last night. It has to be.”

Grandma smiled softly, “It’s Eunsang’s mom.”

She began flipping through pages once again, until she stopped moving them suddenly. She pulled out a photograph with roughly 5 people. But when my eyes landed on boy, I was shocked, “Grandma, what’s his name?”

She looked at who I was point and smiled gently, “Thats Kang Minhee. We haven’t seen him since 1980-“

“1982, Dear!” Grandpa said from the living room.

“Since 1982.” Yunseo’s eyes widened, her hand gripped my arm tightly as she whispered quietly, “I remember him now.”

Grandma looked at me oddly, “Why are you so interested in Minhee?” I looked even closer at the photo. It couldn’t be Minhee. Before I could say anything Yunseo responded for me,

“Because she dated someone who looked just like him, named Kang Minhee. And he disappeared when she left.”