#this shit makes me wanna DIE
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the masking experience
#art#artists on tumblr#my art#digital art#clip studio paint#masking#autism#neurodivergent#this shit makes me wanna die#i hate neurotypicals
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Every time I see someone earnestly say that Carver hates Hawke, I have to exercise such restraint to not scream.
Every day I get closer to writing a deep dive about him because that's my guy. He's so interesting. He feels so much. He tries so hard when talking to the other companions and some of the dynamics he has with them are so good. He can be so fucking funny and sweet and awkward. He so badly wants to be wanted and appreciated and to protect everyone he loves.
Carver Hawke, they could never make me hate you.
#da2#carver hawke#i may have stumbled across someone complaining about how mean carver is to hawke and the companions and i just... huh??#whattya mean?? first of all if you're upset about companions being jerks to each other then boy do i have bad news for you#about the other companions--if you want 'mean' then put anders merrill and fenris in a party together#hell if you wanna see 'mean' then look through aveline's companion dialogue--she straight up calls merrill stupid to her face#and secondly carver is not MEAN... the only companion he's hostile toward is anders and that makes sense#and don't get me started on carver and hawke he does NOT hate hawke even if he's a templar and at full rivalry#hawke can be the worst piece of shit to him. max out his rivalry. leave him behind where he becomes a templar.#just say the worst shit to him and he will never betray you. he will never agree to kill hawke for meredith. ever.#but reminder that a warrior/rogue hawke has an option to let circle bethany die when siding with the templars#JUST SAYING#one day y'all.... one day i'm gonna write it and then what? WHAT THEN??#also yes... I'm replaying da2 now. i'm still in act 1 so i have hawke siblings on the brain so...#apologies in advance for not shutting up about them
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Isolation.
I haven't draw that much, mb
#well i have but i cant show aughdhsjfjd#cooking shits 🔥🔥🔥#consider this kinda a vent but dont tell that to anyone else shh-#we doing cool ✌️#MY MIND IS IN BLANK I CANT THINK ON ANYTHING ELSEE GRRRR#btw fnf brainrot still hard asf due teasers#I WANNA DIE IT REALLY MAKES ME SO HAPPY#ANYWAYSSS BOYFRIEND FRIDAY NIGHT FUNKIN!!!!!#fnf#friday night funkin#friday night funkin fanart#fnf fanart#fnf bf#fnf boyfriend#epicexplosion#KurokkePostingLol
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Buck, Eddie and The lightning mirroring the well.
#911#911edit#911hiatus2023#911 abc#911 fox#my edit#buddie#buddieedit#911 on fox#911hiatusparallels#eddiediazedit#evanbuckleyedit#otp: you don't need to pretend with me#flashing tw#usercam#okay i know we're paused#but i dont wanna wait 3 weeks to post this sorry#i need everyone to understand they are even mirrored in their places in the frame#theres the obvious with eddie being underground buck being on the sky#but they are LITERALLY on the other side of the frame#they are mirroring it hard#i had the thought before but i was making a set for the countdown and i was like#hold up hold up hold up#im not gonna leave this in my drafts for 3 weeks so you will get this#also#i might finally be feeling up to make the episodes sets#lets see how i progress for the rest of the day#i still feel like shit but i can now stay seated without feeling like I'm gonna die#no one cares anna#anyway
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"Oh no, someone's attracted to the aesthetics of my -punk movement but doesn't know the praxis and history behind it like I do--"
OK. Tell them. Make it a teaching moment. Everyone who's in your movement learned the background from somewhere at some point, maybe this is that point for that person. Give them a jumping off point that they can dive into later.
"Oh but I shouldn't be responsible for teaching baby -punks about the history and the how-tos and--"
OK. Then don't tell them. You don't have to be responsible for teaching people with a budding interest in your group the ins and outs and how-tos. That's fair and valid! It can be a lot of work. Someone else will handle it
"But I'm annoyed that they would try to claim to be part of/be interested in my community without knowing all the details that I know after being in it for months/years/decades, they're dumb, they're posers, they're--"
OK. Then don't engage with them, if it's that bad. Maybe someone else will come around and tell them the history, maybe they'll pick it up on their own, maybe they'll just enjoy the fashion elements for awhile.
"But they shouldn't claim to be part of the -punk community if they don't know the--"
I feel like we have a few options here. People can either talk to them, share the history, share the values, share the praxis. Or they can just chase off anyone who even thinks about dipping a toe in their community, and then wonder why it's dying off later down the line.
I dunno, maybe I'm too naive and patient or whatever. But if people are entering your -punk spaces without knowing The Rundown of what you feel they need to know, maybe being nice about it and informing people instead of immediately assuming stupidity and malicious intent could help you make a new friend. Even the loudest voices in a space had to learn from somewhere, and not everyone has the luxury of being in the space as the History was Happening--whether it's an age thing or a not being aware of the space thing. Or maybe I just don't see what the big deal is behind people hating people who like the aesthetic of something and don't know the behind the scenes history about it yet.
Because I believe in the word 'yet.' No one comes into this world knowing everything about everything, and we're all constantly learning new things. I'm not gonna degrade someone and call them a poser for not knowing what I know. Because if it were me, interested in a scene but getting chased out and called a poser? I wouldn't hit the books and study up, I'd go 'that fuckin sucks, those people sucked' and then avoid anyone and anything having to do with it.
So chase people off and call them posers if you want. But if your community starts dwindling, don't be fucking shocked.
#out of queue#ani rambles#punks and posers#i cant even call this a 4am hot take because its 7pm but like#idk i keep seeing posts about like 'how DARE people think I bought my punk clothes how DARE they not know the how-tos and DIYs'#or 'ugh people only care about the ~aesthetics~ of my movement if you don't know shit get out of here' and like#maybe I'm just a shy ass introverted nerd whos scared of social rejection! but I avoid that shit like the plague#so if someone were to reject me based on not knowing about something I'd never even heard about? something i was JUST getting into?#there's a high chance I'd just scram and never look back. i don't wanna be the one who causes that emotion in someone else#granted this is coming from someone who STILL doesn't know how to make her own patches or worked up the courage to do direct action praxis#outside of offering neighbors to my tomatoes and trying to talk to people about what I'm passionate about#but still imo unless someone's a malicious intentional bad actor i dont see the point in scaring newbies off#thats how movements die imo#i know this is my solarpunk blog but its not a solarpunk specific thing#i think the main post that inspired this was about store-bought versus self-made spiked leather jackets#which honestly just feels petty to me but who knows.#might delete later
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what kind of frivolity would you engage in, mecha?
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#mecha sonic#scrapnik mecha sonic#scrapnik island#sonic fanart#sonic fandom#arting#msab#good MORNING. i have given myself many emotions about mecha's big stupid cape. like a fool. such is the way i suppose#god ive been dying to get to this one. do you get it. do you understand#victories; if not on your own terms. achievements; if not the ones you thought you wanted. childhood dreams that never die.#which on that note yeah this is also my favorite one for showing eggman-era mecha as like#''yeah hes hes the most arrogant and murderous jackass on the planet but hes also like 17.''#& therefore kind of a lame little nerd by default. he thinks capes are sooooooo coool#we were all stupid kids once but sometimes u get older and u still wanna paint your house purple. and sometimes u still want a cool cape#it occurs to me that actual 17-year-olds may see this and to that i say: sorry. you guys are fine do ya thang.#its just that im 29 and have grey hair and shit so i have a certain Perspective on being 17 is all. & scrapnik mecha is like mid-30's to me#i knoooowwww he loves his big stupid cape so much. look at the refsheets with his dumbass spines poking holes through the the hood#tell me he has not made a COMMITMENT to wearing that hood despite being built in a way that makes that incredibly inconvenient#u look at nathalie fourdraine's christmas scrapniks post and tell me he isnt having so much fun#being all decorated and swishing around in that Even Bigger And Stupider Cape & shawl w/ his friends#hes so funny for that he's generally such a serious kinda character but on god he does also love some showmanship and flashiness.#i want to make it clear btw i also think capes are awesome i literally cosplay a guy with Two [2] capes.#& mecha is basically the coolest ever. but also hes still funny for that
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talking to my brother about quicksilver and i was like 'ik him and wanda are twins but he exudes little brother energy so much' and my bro Without Hesitation just went 'well thats what happens when you're the least favorite in the family' and he says this to me, the youngest in our family like 🧍♂️
#snap chats#i screamed honestly ajeLRKERAJ LIKE OH !! VIOLENCE youve decided violence tonight brother#AND HE'S NOT EVEN WRONG. my mom dont like me i know she dont she act like she do but fundamentally she thinks im gross#youngest of four thats me .... the beef between my mom and i is definitely more one sided but thats because i refuse to forgive but anyway#'snap is this just an excuse to vent about your mom' NO i just think its very funny ok let me laugh .....#pietro ive formed a kinship with you i fear. i too have the same exact face as the mfer i got beef with jvaeRLKVJAER#PLEASE i will make a comic about that at some point. i can finally project onto someone about this cause its the worst shit in the world#people tryna be nice or cute like 'aw you look exactly like X :)' like oh so you want me to die????? you hate me ???? you want me dead.#and you just gotta smile while thinkin Wow Wanna Say It Again I Dont Think I Was Psychically Damaged Enough The First Time#anyways i just thought that was the funniest thing cause my bro really didnt even think before sayin that... is that how he really feels ..#or did he just. forget i am the youngest ...w/e im ending it here before i start gettin petty ....#point is he Again accidentally said something incredibly funny and i was taken aback jvAWLKFJWRLKJA
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will when he told the police that el hitting angela with a roller skate was an accident and also when he defended her and max spying on them last summer
#and some of y'all wanna call him a misogynist smh.... he supports women's rights AND their wrongs!!!#will byers#willel#willelmax#stranger things#mine#this is a silly goofy post im not making a judgment on the angela situation jus saying tht he's a ride or die for his girlies#and even tho he was mad as fuck over el lying to mike he still kept quiet until shit escalated to the point tht he couldn't anymore#for her sake. anyway. silly goofy post. don't vague me abt it pls lord it's a Joak -_-
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How tf am I gonna be a neurosurgeon one day if it destroys me every time I see a senior patient with a neurodegenerative disease sad
#17 YEARS OF EDUCATION and so very lovable#But I got destroyed bc we gave her a questionnaire on her mental state and she was like. Knowing I have this and will die bc of it one day#Makes me sad#and I was like OH MY GOD I wanna kms right here#Also I made friends w one of the psychometrists. Shes 25 and sooo pretty#She said the neurologist I shadow made every psychometrist here cry at one point 💀#The future looks dark I’m terrified of her getting mad at me#She’s been so lax so far????#Whatever..#I’m ready to be home for the day but I have some more shit to wrap up first UGHH
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do you ever just think about how like... mitch and auston are each other's guys in this sport........ like. seeing people so into the baby sharks (as they should be) just reminds me how often bonds are formed when ppl are rookies and how it's kinda rare to get to keep that with someone into your prime......... . like.
#nothing new or cleverr to say abt it. it just makes me wanna DIE#they still have each other..........#FUCK!#BEEN thinking abt that lil article abt their leadership roles. n mitch kinda taking overr on and off the ice with him out. i knwo it to be#TRRUE. I KNWO IT#theyre partners#running mates.#each others guys.#everyrone KNOWS IT IN THE TORONTO SPHERE TOO FFS THE WAY THEY TALK ABT MITCH SO SPECIFICALLYL IN AUSTONS ABSENCE#THEY ARRENT SAYING THAT SHIT ABT ANYONE ELSE.
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i find it an interesting detail that this is where the thumbnail comes from, specifically the frame where he says "demonized" (from the titular song)
now i've only watched npmd once so idk if there's any like. subtext as to if max was a typical bully in how if he bullied others due to his own background or insecurities or if he was just genuinely just a terrible person, but it seems interesting that starkid chose this specific frame to go on the thumbnail (i get it he does look frightening and cool at once and it conveys the vibe of the musical)
i mean it's obvious that he's a completely deranged person (i think especially after coming back from the dead) but yeah, what i thought was interesting, was that by starkid choosing this specific frame, they're also immediately demonizing him to anyone that stumbles upon the musical, even before starting it so!!!
#npmd#starkid#nerdy prudes must die#nett rambles#um. yeah idk if this makes any sense i just noticed it and was like. WHAT#can a smarter person who's got media analysis skills and has seen npmd more times come and tell me if im making shit up#and tbh. when i watch npmd the song i switch between wow i hate him and wow he was misunderstood </3 so. :///#ALSO!! in the song this is the part where he goes on about how he doesn't care what they did to his body#but honestly i'm not sure how truthful he's being?#(which fair he's just come back from the dead he might not wanna have a heart to heart esp with the kid that helped kill him <3)
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You’re looking for something— no, someone, too, aren’t you?
(I can’t comprehend how you understand what’s going on, with your lifeless shell. Craft as you are.)
#isat#in stars and time#live a live#isat loop#cube live a live#RAHHHHHH [COMBINES MY FIXATIONS]#behold my crack fic au. tiny robot in dormont#I’m cooking let me cook. cube has the little guy little dude vibes#and is also canonically like. a baby?#their chapter in the game happens the day they were finished#so. a baby.#cube is so <3. their chapter is a space horror#I would 100% recommend at least watching a video of it#IT GOES CRAZYYYYYY#pov flicking a card that says die child die at the floor. so#anyways. this au makes no sense to anyone but me#this is MY funny house and I’m going to play in it#worlds smartest baby [a robot] figures out timeloop shit before the party more at 2#if you ask I WILL ramble abt the concept of this au I will#<- trying desperately to get away from working on my other au post#[I need to draw smth for it and I’m struggling lollll]#sitting here like ughhh I don’t wanna draw this imageee [puts off entire au post]#ANYWAYSSSS#LOOP WOULD HATE THIS KID. the fuck is a robot.#the fuck is this damn thing and how has it read me literally immediately#how dare you be made of craft. be artificial. and be able to read my despair like a book#how dare you; a fake being made by someone else. be more human to me than the people that once were my party#how dare you want to help me when I dont know you because you didn’t EXIST in my loops#…but. uh. thanks for the coffee. even if I can’t drink it I recognize the sentiment. or whatever#falls to the floor dramatically. oughhhh loop and cube ougughhh
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a couple of og homestuck doodles cuz i didn't know what else to draw ! lol !
#need to start drawing og homestuck more#and i call it that because homestuck to me for the past like 8 months have just been my own little freaks of ocs#that i hardly ever share on here#but i wanna make my own lil headcanon designs for all of da characters and everything#spread my words of wisdom one might say#but idk lol#(i eat shit and die)#/j!#i remember posting a bunch of wbf doodles like MONTHS ago and it had some hs characters in it#and the design for gamzee specifically looked SO UGLYYY (/NEG)#and i kept drawing it like that back then cuz my friend said they liked da design and human brain seeks dopamine giving validation#like that one image that goes “monkey sees action - neuron activation”#so now that i've actually read the entire comic and have had months to think about it afterwards i need to do a complete revamp honestly#atone for my sins#y'know#but anyways#i'll do it one day...#one day.....#my art#digital art#doodle#art#homestuck#hs fanart#homestuck fanart#vriska serket#tavros nitram#wayward vagabond#dirk strider
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you: nicholas alexander chavez, the actor from ryan murphy's recent work
me, a mama's girl and daytime tv viewer:
#text post#general hospital#nicholas alexander chavez#spencer cassadine#sorry i'm still not over my shock at this lol#i remember asking my mom MONTHS ago (she follows general hospital news online) 'hey wheres spencer i havent seen him in awhile?'#'oh his character died off. the actor is doing some netflix show where he plays a murderer'#and you have to understand. i dont consume anything to do w true crime. but to my 63-year-old mother. ryan murphy doesnt exist#so bc of just how self-contained the archaic institution of network soap operas are. i just. idk i didnt assume it was a big role#it didnt register to me that it was the sequel to the dahmer show. is what i am saying. and i never thought about it again#mommy made it sound like he might be coming back bc soap opera characters fake-die all the time#and so i put the thought out of my head until completely independently i was watching a video about monsters: menendez being flawed#and i was like. going absolutely insane w how familiar he looked i was like 'ok i know that man cant be too famous but i KNOW him'#'i know him from something and i know him WELL from something. like whatever hes from is iconic to me'#and then the video creator said his name and i was like THATS INSANE WHERE DO I KNOW THAT NAME??!?!??#it's a name i read in the credits but probably never thought in my head at all bc sorry he's just spencer to me#so i googled it and i was gobsmacked. i was like MOM DIDNT SAY he was gonna be in THIS SHIT!?!?!?#i also do lay my life down on the defense that the cinematography of a prestige netflix drama makes him less recognizable to me#who knew him best under cheap soap opera lighting in basic back and forth dialogue shots. like#i have to be honest i never cared for his looks on gh bc he just kinda looked like too perfect. like he looked like a mannequin#i see it now though i get it#i get why he's very fan editable to the true crime girlies i get it#not that it matters. im just in mourning bc it never occurred to me the spencer era was over. i actually liked his character#i cant tell u why bc he wasnt all that distinguishable from all the other basic dramatic character archetypes. idk it was a good performanc#i cant explain to u what makes a soap opera character distinct while still being completely generic (they all are)#i also liked his relationship w his girlfriend in the show it was cute. he was evil but they were sweet#nicky please come back. im begging u. as your only general hospital era fan who is your age#i dont wanna watch monsters menendez i reeeeeally dont
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dan and phil are like jesus in that they’re dramatic ass fruity men in their 30s always going like “i am making this SACRIFICE for THE PEOPLE” and everyone is like “no one asked you to do this in fact we’d all rather you just did not do this” and they’re like “IT IS TOO LATE NOW YOU HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE CONSEQUENCES THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED” and we’re like “no no we didn’t want this actually and you made this decision with your whole ass adult brain you truly could have just not done this and we’d all be better off for it but now we all have to suffer because YOU refuse to say no to shit” and i think that’s ridiculous stupid annoying awful beautiful
#/j#dnp#jesus did NOT have to die on the cross like pilate gave him so many outs and he was like ‘noooo i have to be a martyr’ and that’s#why pilate washed is hands of him#he’s like ‘this bitch is too messy i don’t wanna be involved’#good for him#dan and phil#‘oh we HAVE to do this thing for this sponsor oh we HAVE to do this really gay embarrassing coupley thing on the gaming channel’#i swear someday they’ll be like ‘this video is sponsored by dragon city so we’re gonna be doing the chapstick challenge!!’#‘can’t believe you guys and dragon city and the whole world literally begged and forced us to make out for a video but here we go 🙄🤣’#if i ever saw that shit in a video i would immediately click off unsubscribe block them report them delete my youtube account#move change my name get a fake id go off the grid and try to start over somewhere else#i know there are some of you freaks who actually wanna see them kiss but seeing that is genuinely my biggest fear lmao#like gross rosa those are our dads#actually dan feels like my cousin and phil feels like my cousin’s husband if that makes sense#i was 16 when i started watching so they didn’t really raise me maybe that’s why#dan howell#daniel howell#phan#amazingphil#phil lester#danisnotonfire#yeet my deenp#yeet my deet#danandphilgames#d&p#dip and pip#hbdnell
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I hate getting excited about something and accidentally sharing it with someone when they're in the wrong mood to hear it. Makes me feel like a dog trying to play with their human in an antidepressant commercial and ruins my entire mood
#and it's not like they don't care they're just in an off mood and don't match the energy you give and it's just so#deflating and uncomfortable sgjdhkdhk#like ''isn't that so cool????'' ''yeah.''#makes me wanna die#and then it's like well now I can't tell them again and I just wasted sharing that with them AND I feel shitty about it#guess I'll just fuck off this plane of existence#unfortunately it happens to me too often because people in my life are just busier than me and I don't hold it against them#but it still feels bad man!!#I'm also just feeling fragile cause I've been isolated lately and don't have a lot going on so the things I do have to share#aren't like. things people generally view as very important I don't have shit going on right now#I've just been feeling lately like everyone's got Important Life Stuff tm going on and are often not as present with me because they're Busy#again I'm fragile rn so it's probably not as bad as it feels like it is#I'm just sad lol
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