#this shit cut deeper than we realized I fear
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cinamun · 13 days ago
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What are you arguing? | Next
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obxsummer · 2 months ago
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P4L // JJ Maybank
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pairing: jj maybank x reader
summary: aka the season 4 ending the audience and pogues deserved.
warnings: S4P2 SPOILERS
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--
Morocco was proving to be one hell of a challenge for all of you. Every corner had more of your friends pulling off to play defense or act as a distraction. Pope, Kiara, and Cleo had left in an attempt to hold off the mercenary crew, leaving you, JJ, and Rafe to finish the mission and find the crown.
With Rafe out on the option to climb, JJ had volunteered which left you all in the current situation. JJ was trying to pull himself up on the stone statue as wind and sand whipped at your faces. 
“Be careful!” You yelled up to him, hoping your voice wouldn’t get carried away before it reached him.
You’d been so heartbroken for JJ over the past few weeks - from losing Poguelandia, finding out Luke wasn’t his dad, all the shit with the gold and Enduro… you could really use a win. JJ deserved a win more than anything. 
“Shit, here they come,” Rafe spoke up as he caught sight of the mercenaries who were catching up. “Stay here! I’ll go down and buy us some time.”
“Rafe, no!” You tried to ignore the pit of fear in your stomach but it was grabbing you tighter than you had ever felt before. “They’ll kill you!”
Rafe shook his head. “I’m a killer too! Got nothing to lose!”
Your face contorted into an odd expression at his response before you let him go and turned your attention back to JJ. He was getting closer and closer to the top but you knew he had no clue what to look for.
“JJ, hurry!” You coughed around the sand in your throat and walked closer to see him better.
After a moment, you could hear him cheer in excitement. “Yeah, baby! We did it!”
You tucked your head down as a particularly strong blast nearly knocked you off your feet. You could barely make out his figure in the storm around you as he stumbled his way toward you. “JJ! We gotta get out of here!”
 “I’m good, I’m good!” He reassured as he got closer. “I’m great, actually.”
He shifted the scarf around his neck to reveal the crown, the Blue Crown, that you guys had risked your lives to get here in search of. 
“Oh my God,” You gasped before cheering in excitement. “Do you know what this means?”
JJ pulled the headwrap off to see you better, his hands moving the crown closer so you could hold it yourself. “We’re getting it back. We’re getting our home back.”
The celebrating was cut short as JJ caught sight of something behind you before shoving the show of you out of the way. A gunshot rang out seconds later, warning enough that the two of you needed to keep moving. 
“Go, go, go. I’ve got ya!” JJ’s hand wrapped itself into yours as he took the lead, weaving the two of you through tunnels and structures before you could even blink. The storm was starting to die down, the wind and sand slowing as you guys moved deeper into the town. 
Your run was cut short as JJ slammed on the brakes and you ran into his back. “J?” You asked, confused before you caught sight of the person in front of him.
Chandler Groff had caused JJ so much pain in the few weeks your group had come to know him. From disowning him as a baby, to almost killing him, and the constant manipulation, you were beginning to wonder if Luke was the lesser of the two evils. Life had been so unkind to JJ and you refused to let this man take anything else from him. 
Groff gave the two of you a wicked smile. His knife gleamed against the sunshine, the reflection coasting your eyes as you realized you were defenseless. He moved the blade closer in your direction. “You know what I want.”
JJ’s grip on your hand tightened. There’s a lot of things he would do if you weren’t here, but you were, and that meant you were his top priority.
“And if we don’t?” You tilted your head, mockingly. It was two against one here, even if he had a shitty knife.
“Then I’ll kill you both and leave your friends to find you in bits and pieces.”
You squeezed JJ’s hand twice, a silent signal that you were ready if he was. “Yeah, not happening.”
The two of you moved in tandem, your leg kicking up to knock the knife from his grip and JJ pouncing forward to pin his so-called father against the stone wall with an aggressiveness you hadn’t seen before. 
Groff groaned as his head slammed into the rough surface, eyes struggling to refocus. JJ leaned closer, his forearm pressing against the man’s throat harder. “Don’t you ever threaten her again, ya hear me?”
When Groff didn’t answer, JJ applied more force, relishing in the way the man groaned in pain. “You’ll regret ever crossing me.”
JJ wasn’t risking it and pulled back before slamming Chandler’s head back, effectively knocking the man unconscious. “Hard pass,” The blond teen spat, giving the man a hefty punch to the head to drive his point home. 
“You okay?” You asked quietly as JJ stared at the form of the man who he was beginning to trust. 
He twitched at the question before taking a deep breath. “Yeah, yeah.” His hand reached back to you, waiting for you to grab on. “Let’s go find our friends and get the hell out of here, yeah?”
You took his offer, kissing him softly before nodding in agreement. “Let’s do it.”
And the two of you ran off, leaving Chandler Groff to bleed out on his own, taking the karma he deserved with him to the grave. You had a treasure to celebrate.
--
a/n: fuck u obx writers and goodbye.
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For the pairings can you talk about The Prototype and Angel? Your interpretation of them has me in a choke hold lol
I'M SOOO HAPPY I ALSO HAVE YOU IN A CHOKEHOLD, THESE TWO HAVE CONTAMINATED ME WITH THEIR SILLINESS.
They're parallels and mirrors of each other. Angel could have become the Prototype, and the Prototype could have become Angel, if only the circumstances were different. They share similar grief and a deep feeling of alienation: Proto for being the first one and the only one that's as crooked and weird as he is, and Angel for being both an immigrant and a queer person in the USA. Grief for losing loved ones, Angel with their friends/coworkers and the Prototype for seeing his loved ones become nothing but experiments of a company he made from scratch. I could go on and on about their similarities and differences, but in the end the conclusion is the same: They KNOW each other. They KNOW how similar they are and they just Get each other, and to me this is sooo fun to explore and think abt whenever I talk abt them!
Also like. They're literally the parents of a household with almost 90 kids (numbers will prob grow once we get the official Chapter 4, but alas). Sure that it takes a while for Proto to be promoted to parent #2, but DANG, THEY ARE THE PARENTS. Two best friends who decided the best course of action was to get legally married bc this would provide some extra protection for the kids if anything bad ever happened to Angel!!!!!! AND SPEAKING OF BEST FRIENDS.
Angel loves annoying the Prototype and the kids. Their love language is being a menace (just ask their parents and Miguel about it), and after a while Proto both gets used to it AND starts annoying Angel back. What is a friendship but an excuse to be awful in an affectionate way. Angel will forever bully the Prototype for not realizing the critters were all alive, and in turn he's literally going to drag them to random places so they can stop working for ONCE. They have the same dad humor, by the way, much to the horror of some of the kids. They're besties!!!! I have said this a thousand times but they are besties!!!!! Only Proto knows some of the shit Angel went through, only Angel knows the things Proto went through. The torture the scientists made him stand, what he did and thought and felt the decade after the Hour of Joy, everything. Angel tells him about how sometimes they think they aren't enough for the kids, or how they fear they're being either too harsh with them, or how awful their last nightmare was.
Also to me the funniest phase of their relationship happens after Angel realizes that, unfortunately, they want a QPR with the Prototype. Like. They're all "I can't fucking believe this, I doubt he would accept the offer if I explained I may want something more but not the romance part of it" and "how the fuck do I explain to him that I value our friendship more than anything and I think it's something different than all of my other friendships without it sounding weird as fuck". Because Angel DID tell him what a QPR was, but they doubt Proto would want something like that. And then it cuts to him like "hm I think there might be something else to this friendship, but not romantic in nature. We may have achieved a deeper bond than anything I have ever had before, friendship-wise". Disaster of a human person vs scientist DESPERATELY wanting more affection. It's SO funny to me.
also like. Post-officially-becoming-a-QPR-couple. HILARIOUS. They pull the "we're partners" thing whenever it's convenient even if it involves pretending to be a romantic couple. They have no idea how it works. These two 100% do the "ask your other dad" thing in order to annoy one of the kids into going back-and-forth between them until said kid goes "stop doing that!!!" and then Angel has to control their laughter. Nothing really changes post-that except that now Angel sometimes gives him a kiss, they got too used to using Proto as a giant teddy bear by the point the QPR happens. Proto, however, now has excuses to just grab Angel and give them a hug without feeling weird for doing so [he's awkward when asking for affection in general].
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kamimarroco · 8 months ago
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He hurts you because he loves you
CW: Non-con, blood and dacryphilia
Do not interact with this story if you are underage or do not like the themes portrayed.
🦊 ❤️
“Ren?”, you asked with a hint of fear in your voice, stepping back when you saw him standing in the doorway. He had opened the door so aggressively that for a moment you thought he had broken it.
“... You”, the harsh tone in his voice scared you. He had never acted this way before. The beastkin began walking towards you, his steps heavy as was his general aura, making you move away as he got closer.
You tried to scream at him, tried to make him come back to himself, but your efforts were useless. He soon got close enough, holding you by the wrists and throwing you on the bed in the room. You backed away until your back hit the headboard, being in a completely vulnerable position before the beast in front of you.
“Look, maybe we can talk about this... We can–”, your words were cut off as you received his full weight on your body, keeping you in place while he tore your clothes without the slightest mercy. You were soon completely exposed, his hands roaming your skin to feel your heat. “Ren…”
His touch was gentle, his fingers making a point of tracing your entire upper part. He liked this, he liked the feel of your body and how you trembled because of his touch, letting out shy moans as you surrendered to the moment. You couldn't stop him even if you used all your strength, you knew there was no other solution for this.
You squirmed when his claws reached your nipples, playing with that sensitive area of your body. Your legs trembled, your breath left your lungs and a feeling of excitement formed in your stomach. You were anxious as fuck as your voice blurted out obscenities and asked for more, closing your eyes to avoid eye contact and further embarrassment. God, it had been so long since the two of you had done this, but the foreplay seemed to be enough to make you reach your limit.
“I'm going to cum! I'm going to cum!”, you screamed as you continued to be touched, feeling your release between your legs. But even after seeing you reach your peak, he continued to play with your nipples, moving his right hand to your vulva and starting to touch your inner lips with his claws. “N-No... Please, I'm still sensitive!”, you stated as you closed your thighs, trying to stop him from continuing. But instead of ceasing the sensation, you became even more turned on, his hand between your closed thighs bringing another kind of pleasure. Without realizing it, your hips began to hump against his hand, wanting more of the feeling.
“You know, that's really naughty of you…”, his low, excited voice sounded like a melody to your ears, making you more embarrassed than you already were. “Do you like hearing me talk dirty?”, he asked even though he already knew your answer, wanting to hear it directly from your mouth.
“Your voice... I-It makes me horny…”, your pride had already been swallowed, so you saw no need to try to deny an obvious fact. “I love listening to you…”
“... Fuck”, Ren couldn't stop himself and forced your thighs apart, thrusting two fingers deep inside you. It hurt like hell and you could feel your walls being bruised by the claws. It made you tighten your grip on the sheets on the bed, perhaps to the point of tearing the fabric. You could feel your insides being ripped apart, probably hurting enough to draw blood.
“Ren, stop!”, you shouted, your plea falling on deaf ears. “REN, I'M SERIOUS! IT HURTS AS FUCK!”, your tone increased in a way never seen before, yourself being scared by your own aggressiveness. But your effort managed to make him look at you, an expression of anger on his face. Shit, maybe it would have been better to stay quiet… “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to–”
Your speech was cut off when his claws were pushed even deeper inside you, starting to hurt you on purpose. “Have you forgotten who is in control here?”, his gaze penetrated the depths of your soul, his fingers continuing their work of masturbating you. “Listen to me carefully: your body belongs to me. Your behavior, your clothes, what you eat, where you sleep, everything is at my command”, his words were punctuated with violent thrusts. “So think very carefully before you try to defy me, because I won't hesitate to show you who's in charge here”
You came for the second time on his hand, blood being seen along with your release fluid, the burning sensation inside your vagina. You couldn't help but allow tears to stream down your cheeks, feeling completely abused. But the worst part was that you knew it wasn't the end.
Your system panicked when you saw Ren unbuckle his belt, unzipping his pants and lowering his underwear just enough to free his cock. You tried to crawl away, but his claws dug deep into your hips, using extraordinary strength to keep you in place. In a last attempt to gain some mercy, you tearfully apologized, vowing that you would be obedient and never try to defy him again. But that wasn't enough, he had enough of you.
Your insides were invaded by his hard cock, making the burning sensation of your internal bruises even worse. He didn't care if it hurt you, he wanted to punish you for your bad behavior and he would make sure to fulfill that goal.
Your tears were now accompanied by screams of pain, the feeling of claws entering your skin contributing to this terrible scenario. The way he moaned, praised you for taking him so well and looked at you with desire brought disgust to you. You were being raped, you felt no pleasure in it, only fear and aversion.
Of course, you couldn't expect much from someone who kidnapped you, but you at least thought he would listen to you. Even though he was violent and had moments of outbursts, he still showed a little concern for you, softening when he saw that you weren't comfortable. Those moments made you sympathize with him a little and think that maybe he loved you in his own crazy, twisted way. After all, that was the only kind of "love" he was shown.
But now it was gone, and you couldn't feel dirtier than you do now. Even though you had no choice, you still felt guilty for not fighting harder, for giving in to him so easily. You probably would have been punished even more, but at least you would have kept your dignity, something you don't even have anymore.
You felt him filling your insides with several shots of hot cum, his knot swelling and keeping the two of you trapped together, something you hated deep in your soul. He fell on top of you unceremoniously, his weight suffocating you. “You did so well…”, he kissed your cheek softly. “Oh God, I love you so much…”, he said right after sexually violating you.
Sweet words that hid more than the ears could detect. You hated how he got everything he wanted and, on top of that, destroyed you in every way, whether morally, psychologically or sexually.
God, you just hated him, but you hated yourself more for not being able to retaliate.
“Sorry about that, pumpkin. My rut didn't help me and I just wanted to feel you…”, the words sounded genuine, and perhaps he was telling the truth, but you couldn't forgive him even if you were paid with the greatest fortune in the world. It just wouldn't work, you wouldn't get back what you lost during this abuse.
“It's okay, I forgive you", it was a lie, your mind said, but you couldn't risk being violated any more than you already were. Your whole body hurt and you just wanted to sleep and never wake up.
Ren snuggled up to you, his arms around you to keep you close. You heard his purr and saw how his tail moved happily from side to side, acting exactly like a pet. You couldn't help but pet his head, scratching his ears to get him in a better mood. He smiled at you with his eyes closed, and you smiled back with fury rising inside your chest.
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girlbossblackbeard · 1 year ago
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s2 ep3 delirious ramblings in honor of eps 4 and 5 coming soon!!
you already KNOW wtf goin on !!!
-the red flag fleet pig tails absolutely slay every single time
-Zheng Yi Sao putting her arm out to shield Olu from the dying guy that just got stabbed has me feeling some typa way (falling in love with her)
-stede just pushing his little bar and charcuterie cart around im obsessed
-Zheng Yi Sao's customer service voice when she says "Hi! I'm Zheng Yi Sao, you're...John?" like she's cold-calling someone is absolutely top tier, I would give her all my money if she were calling to scam me
-"champers?" stede you absolute doofus i love him far too much
-Zheng Yi Sao being all coy with her "ohh...forget it...;)" stop!!!!! im already in love with you please stop this madness!!!!!! i can't take much more of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-OLU'S OFFENDED FACE WHEN STEDE JUST PLOPS THE TOWELS DOWN ON ZHENG YI SAO'S DESK LMAO
-okay. we have to talk about stede hearing "the revenge" and his mind going completely blank aside from the one thought of "Ed" replaying over and over and over again to the point that all sense of self-preservation flies completely out the window (as he flies over the side of the ship) because the ONLY thing that matters to him in that moment is seeing Ed again. i can only imagine the looming sense of doom he must've felt as he realized Ed was noticeably absent from the rest of the crew when he found them, and then the cagey way they all spoke about where Ed went. i wonder if seeing Ed's body lying on that table gave him any sense of relief in the way that getting confirmation of something you'd feared was coming finally arrives
-also!!! let's talk about what must have started running through Olu's mind when he realized it was their ship!! did he immediately think of Jim? was he worried about them? did he assume they would've escaped blackbeard's clutches by now and gone on to bigger and better things?
-"she's returned to us...mostly" i wonder how sad buttons must have felt seeing the revenge in such a dire state :((
-"maybe she's gone through that triangle thing by bermuda" wee john my beloved
-I TOLD Y'ALL WHEN THAT MF GNOSSIENNE NO. 5 HITS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT WAS GONNA BE THE DEATH OF ME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND IT VERY NEARLY WAS BITCH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-oh holy fuck the way the look of excitement on stede's face morphs into a look of horror as he takes in just how wrecked the revenge got in the storm is extremely upsetting
-someone smarter than me needs to do a deeper analysis on the use of gnossienne no.5 as stede is climbing the ladder of the revenge, no doubt with thoughts of a beautiful and loving reunion with ed because surely he'll be there waiting for him, just as overjoyed to see stede as stede is to see him, only for the song and that fantasy to abruptly get cut off once stede realizes how dire the situation on the revenge has gotten
-hey fam do we think there's any significance of the crew being found desecrating that seagull in the captain's quarters or was that just a plot convenience thing bc obviously stede would check the captain's cabin for ed first
-"just thought you'd be taller...mu-muscly, you know...charismatic" bruh ain't NO way Certain People had been either 1) talking about stede in such a high regard it put him up on a massive pedestal or 2) ahem....sobbing so loudly the entire god damn ship can hear it every single night for literal months...that archie fully thought stede MUST have been basically a god amongst mortals to make ed be so downbad it drove him to violent insanity
-"why can't i get a straight answer from any of you" because they're all gay bitch!!!!! you knew this when you first hired them!!!!!!
-OBSESSED with how Izzy is fully down an entire leg and Stede could NOT give less of a shit about it. Literally telling him "Piss off Izzy, I don't wanna hear from you" as if there isn't the biggest possible elephant on the deck basically screaming to be talked about
-side note: for the love of GOD con o'neill looks so stupidly hot in his reaction shot to stede telling izzy to piss off it's actually gonna give me heart palpitations. this is my formal petition to make con o'neill look permanently just a little bit damp and a little bit sad
-"when you get old, if you don't wanna work anymore you can just give up i guess" frenchie my beloved
-love love love love love the parallels between buttons and auntie being the actual paragon of first mates with almost preternatural senses for mutiny a'brewin or the sea shifting
-hey fam do we think izzy actually stabbed stede's painting or was it really ed and izzy was...sparing stede's feelings???? but why??? is it because he's intimately aware of how it feels to lose ed and even though he hates stede (or used to) he still wouldn't wish that kind of pain on anyone??
-SORRY I GOTTA TOOT MY OWN HORN FOR A SECOND BECAUSE I CALLED IT FROM THE MOMENT THE TEASER DROPPED THAT THE RAG MAN WAS GONNA BE HORNIGOLD'S GHOST MANIFESTING AS THE PARTS OF ED HE HATED THE MOST
>>>it turned out to be all parts of himself which did me quite a big ouchie but im still riding the high of having sussed that out so early on im LITERALLY destined to be a writer on this show. djenks get at me i know ur reading this
-i have absolutely no idea what the pig is supposed to symbolize in ed's fever dream someone who has a functioning brain should figure it out and let me know pls & thx
-don't know if this is significant symbolism or not, but: ed is wearing the cravat, his chains, and the pearl necklace in the storm. he is NOT wearing the cravat or the chains in the fever dream, but he IS still wearing the pearls. the best analysis i can do around that rn is that the cravat symbolizes stede and this journey he's about to go on needs to be about Ed and Ed alone, but also Ed *feeling* and *thinking* he's genuinely alone, which is supported by the conversation he has with hornigold later when he reveals he's worried there's no one waiting for him in the real world. the chains im thinking could symbolize his blackbeard persona in a way - presumably he got the gold chains when plundering and gaining/maintaining his reputation for being ruthless and the chains are a physical reminder of that persona and reputation. in the fever dream, ed is stripped down to his most vulnerable state (which is interesting considering his hair and beard aren't in line with the s1 symbolism of his vulnerability - almost as if his heartbreak over stede has become so all-encompassing he's no longer able to hide it behind a beard or face-shielding long hair) so the chains would disappear just as his blackbeard reputation would disappear in order for him to get to the core of who he really is, which brings us to: the pearl necklace. we could literally talk for hours about the nuances of everything the pearl necklace represents regarding ed's fears, desires, identities, hopes and dreams for the future, childhood trauma, etc. etc. etc. but ultimately it represents the parts of ed he holds the closest to his chest and THAT is why he's still wearing it in the fever dream: because it's a representation of who he truly is, stripped down, at his core. and THAT is the person who needed to go on this journey in order to start to heal, without the influence of anyone or anything else making him feel the need to perform or be anything other than his 100% authentic, vulnerable self.
-the way i reacted to seeing how beautiful ed is as he's waking up in hornigold's hut is undeniable proof that i need to be put down
-"what did you do to me...while i was out...anything weird?" edward teach my beloved of all time. we will not be taking this incredibly funny and perfectly performed line delivery and making it sad by thinking about the implications of what past behaviors ed may have experienced from other shipmates when waking up after a night of blacking out
-sorry but the way ed holds his breath so he doesn't eat the soup is so hilarious and adorable to me
-auntie recounting all the details of the mutiny right down to ed's height and silver hair based off of looking at the deck and licking some gun powder is sooooooo sherlock holmes coded but like. if he fucked y'know?
-also!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the little sprinkle of what i believe was maori thrown in between auntie and fang!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i need more of that IMMEDIATELY
-"i'm burnin up here" SICK jobros reference frenchie
-frenchie stopping himself from saying "oh fuck" and instead going with "oh shit tits" i love this man an unhealthy amount
-"it's called you-cal-lip-eh-tusses. you-calamitous." good god i would due for olu in a heartbeat
-okay so. my thoughts on the olu/zheng/jim/archie situation. i never posted this here when the trailer dropped bc i thought i was just going crazy but when i saw the olu/jim shoulder bump i immediately knew it was giving "exes who are still friends and are being supportive of the other person when they admit they've found someone new" vibes. THAT BEING SAID - i can see this whole thing being resolved in 2 ways: either they have jim and olu talk it out and officially decide to split to pursue their respective new flames while remaining best friends/family, or - and this is where i think we all hope this is going - we get a 4-way polycule. im 50/50 on whether the studio would greenlight that given they've already pushed the envelope with having a nonbinary character and basically everyone is gay, but at the same time i would hope the studio would recognize that the show was wildly successful due in large part to those key elements and would be in favor of pushing the envelope even further (in their eyes). i think jim and archie are gonna see zheng being an absolute badass and fall in love with her and zheng is gonna see jim and archie being absolute badasses and fall in love with them while already being in love with olu specifically because he's NOT a badass and olu's gonna admit he's still in love with jim and they're all gonna live happily ever after completely dominating the seas and killing colonizing dipshits :)
-OLU WHIPPING HIS HEAD AROUND TO LOOK BACK AT JIM WHEN THEY TELL HIM THEY SAW ARCHIE'S BOOBS LMAO
-hi it's me again here to say that it is STILL SO EXTREMELY FUCKED UP AND EVIL OF DAVID JENKINS AND CO. TO BE PLAYING GNOSSIENNE NO.5 WHILE STEDE LOOKS DESPONDENTLY AT THE RUINED REMAINS OF HIS CAPTAINS QUARTERS WHERE HE AND ED CONNECTED FOR THE FIRST TIME AND FELT LIKE SOMEONE FINALLY UNDERSTOOD THEM
-how the fuck did izzy on a crutch and a pegleg sneak up on stede in the captain's quarters lil homie HAS to be sounding like mr. krabs at this point
-"i think the knives really help bring the place together" he literally cannot physically bring himself to not be a bitch around izzy even when he's wallowing in his lost love i am so so so obsessed with him you have no idea
-i know we're all still reeling from the confirmation that stede has ALWAYS known ed - past the rose-colored glasses of falling in love with just the idea of someone - and how his mind works when he asks izzy point blank what they did to ed but. i cannot stop thinking about s1 ed not being able to look stede in the eye as he says "you were always gonna realize what i am" before leaving with calico jack because he was so terrified of the judgement he'd see in stede's eyes. he revealed a less-than-ideal (but comparatively pretty benign) part of himself to the person whose opinion he cares about the most and was too afraid to stick around to see if/when stede would finally reject him for not living up to the standards that ed thinks stede deserves. and yet. we now know with actual proof that stede not only never judged ed for his past and just kinda glossed over any erratic behavior/violent reactions during their time together in favor of keeping an idealized image of ed in his mind, stede understood ed on a deeper level than practically anyone else in the whole world, with the exception of izzy, ever did. stede was so intimately aware of the exact kind of person ed was and what his thoughts and behavioral patterns were that he knew without a shadow of a doubt that there were only two fates for ed if stede didn't reach him in time: he was either gonna watch the world burn or die trying.
-feeling BIG emotions over the almost-sigh that stede does when izzy tells him how ed took his leg for merely mentioning stede's name. the way he looks away and swallows down his guilt and grief and shame.
-"you sent him to doggy heaven" ohhhh my god i wanna know if stede was bracing himself for the heartbreak or the relief (or both!!) of hearing izzy say yes. as i mentioned above, stede had to have had a cloud of impending doom looming over him all these months wondering where ed is and worrying if he'll ever find him again, and that cloud must have only gotten infinitely darker when he found the crew on the revenge only to realize that ed wasn't with them. stede isn't stupid, he proved as much when he told izzy he knew ed was going to destroy everything around him or die in the process, and with ed being very noticeably absent it would only make sense for stede to jump to the worst-case-scenario of the crew having to kill ed before he killed all of them. i think he had probably been emotionally preparing himself for that outcome the second he noticed the crew being shifty about ed's whereabouts, so to get confirmation of it would obviously be genuinely heartbreaking but also an end to the sense of doom that had been hanging around him for a while.
-the way stede whips his head around to look at izzy when izzy tells him no, they didn't send ed to doggy heaven is so! heartbreaking! because you can see the instant flame of hope light up his face for a split second before he reads the profound sadness of izzy's expression as he tells stede they deserted him on a beach and left nature to do the rest. interestingly enough, stede doesn't seem at all reassured or renewed in his hope by this, and im wondering if he knows izzy is lying to him at that point to spare his feelings
-"yeah i was there. that cabin boy's name was felix. he was a really nice guy" i love that we're not only getting a crumb of lore about ed's past on hornigold's ship (that isn't frat-bro posturing with calico jack) but that the crumb we do get highlights ed's humanity. not only does he remember the name of a "lowly" cabin boy, but he remembers that the cabin boy was really nice and is angry that he died so senselessly and hornigold doesn't even seem to care
>>>>>hmmmm now im thinking about how hornigold is a representation of the parts of ed that he hates, so is hornigold's story an allegory for how ed hates how he's shut off his emotions/shown little to no remorse for the hurt and suffering he's caused during his breakup era?
-okay there are SO many mentions of soup this season already someone figure out wtf it's supposed to mean
-THE WAY MY FRIENDS AND I ACTUALLY SCREAMED WHEN ZHENG SAYS "Girl, how are you :(" TO STEDE LIKE THIS SHOW IS 100% CONFIRMED WRITTEN FOR THE GIRLS (gn) AND THE GAYS AND EVERY LINE IS PERFECT
-DAVID JENKINS. WHY. ARE YOU PLAYING. GNOSSIENNE NO.5. WHILE STEDE TELLS ZHENG. ABOUT HOW HE FEELS LIKE HE LET ED DOWN. AND THAT HE'S THE CAUSE OF A LOT OF THIS. AND HOW HE SHOULD'VE JUST TOLD ED HOW HE FEELS. BUT HE WAS SCARED. AND NOW HERE WE ARE. i want you psychologically evaluated because i do believe there is a dark evil inside of you
-PLEASE stede's reaction of basically "ya got me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯" to Zheng saying the guys on wanted posters are hot makes my brain fizz
-im not ashamed to say i literally get tears in my eyes from how divine ed looks when he's talking to hornigold about selling handmade shoes like what the fuck did the hair and makeup artists DO to make him even more stunning than before when they had already broken the scale in s1???????????? i feel like i should send them a thank-you care package for the gift they've given us
-"im actually just a very simple man" my sweet precious baby darling eddie boy. you are the most complex character i have ever become obsessed with in my entire life, and i was DEEP in the Castiel trenches at the height of SuperWhoLock tumblr from 2012 - 2014 as an unmedicated teenager still developing her prefrontal cortex.
-"like a jailer, but all the prisoners like you and they can go whenever they want" so what im hearing is ed likes having control over other people but also desperately wants them to like him AND choose to stay with him of their own free will and not because they have to. or it's just a funny simile for an inn like he said :)
-the jeff's inn by the sea roleplay scene makes me so insane i actually can't talk about it rn other than to say it's peak comedy and i want it permanently etched into my brain. also ed's little corsage makes me [feral shrieking]
-GODDD the way this season is so expertly slicing in clips from s1 as a quick flash of an image before coming back to the present is so extremely satisfying and also a direct punch to the solar plexis every time
-"grown man covered in tattoos, eh? with daddy issues?" no comment just screaming
-"we've been living second-to-second for a while now. it's actually kinda nice to have a deadline" this!!! this is what im talking about with the looming sense of impending doom hanging over you for so long that once you get confirmation that it's going to be over soon, even if it's because of a very permanent ending, there's a lot of relief that can be wrapped up in that
-"go on, bonnet. gimme your worst" i feel like i don't have the brain capacity rn to break that interaction down and tease out what izzy would've been expecting stede to do or say and what stede would've been thinking in that moment that was too overwhelming to actually voice but maybe someday i'll get to it
-"okay well i feel like im gonna choose...i feel like im supposed to choose...live" bbbbbbbbbrrrrrrrrrrooooooooooo the intentional writing of ed to say "gonna" at first and then switching it to "supposed to" is sooooooooo insane dude holy shit. i need to know what factors caused him to change his wording. what was he going to say he was gonna do. who or what is pressuring him to make him feel like he's supposed to choose to live. are those two choices - what he was gonna do vs. what he feels like he's supposed to do - at war with each other or is the conflict brewing from the different motivations behind wanting to live vs. feeling like you're supposed to live. the writing is just too good
-godddd someone needs to make a post on hornigold telling ed they're in a judgement-free zone which is basically ed reminding himself that his mind is a safe space for his thoughts and how unbelievably sad it is that ed would even need to remind himself of that in the first place. he's so used to scrutiny and judgement (and it's one of his biggest fears when it comes to the people he cares about the most) that he doesn't even think he's free from it in his own head
-im just gonna say it. ed talking about warmth and intercourse and orgasms is foreshadowing
-"i don't think anyone's waiting for me" i'll actually go lie in the middle of the road right now i swear to god
-it's so interesting how ed gets angry that his fear that no one is waiting for him fucks his pros up
-i don't understand how olu didn't immediately clock that zheng was flirting with him when he's in her office like buddy if i see a very beautiful woman with a very sharp sword and she's pointing it in my direction? that's a marriage proposal
-HOKAYYYY FOLKS WE GOTTA TALK ABOUT OUR FIRST TRUE COMPETENT!STEDE SIGHTING IN THIS EP. he not only devises an escape plan ALL BY HIMSELF, he has the knowledge and foresight to . and guess what? IT ACTUALLY. WORKED. in fact, it was a SWEEPING success where he got EVERYONE safely off the red flag ship and onto his own!!!! this wasn't just some raid won with brute force or a fuckery accomplished due to loony tunes rules, this was an honest-to-god escape plan that required learning the shifts of the guards on deck and at the entrance to the brig to ensure those spaces would be as empty as possible, knowledge of the sleepy-time effects of chamomile in concentrated forms, knowledge of the layout of the ship he's been on for, what? a few days? maybe a week?, knowledge of where they store their weapons and then figuring out how to use the crossbow as a zipline AND remembering to have someone cut the line to prevent any red flag crew from boarding the revenge, figuring out how they can use towels to use said zipline, remembering that the revenge no longer has a wheel and utilizing wee john's strength to secure them a new one while disabling the red flag ship thus greatly increasing their chances of a successful escape. i guess now we know what the hell is going on in towels (it's scheming and plotting)
-jim grabbing archie's hand has they leave the brig
-stede's little hand gesture and "sss" noise he makes to communicate to lucius and black pete they're gonna move forward now even though they're all physically so close it literally would've been quieter if he just whispered his directions to them
-the person at the wheel looking longingly up into the sky. how much do we wanna bet she was thinking about zheng
-"just breathe into it black pe-" WHY ARE THEY SHUSHING MY BOY BUTTONS HE'S RIGHT
-"oy, ya cockeyed -" STOP SILENCING HIM
-"aye look at that, see that black pete -" LET HIM SPEAK
-IZZY PUSHING BUTTONS'S HAND DOWN AS HE'S TELLING BLACK PETE TO OBSERVE ARCHIE'S SHOOTING FORM IS EVERYTHING TO ME
-wee john profusely apologizing to the person he knocked unconscious before knocking them unconscious and then again after stealing their wheel. he is so dear to me
-i genuinely love how buttons wastes NO time in assuming his first mate duties again and directing frenchie and roach to start preparing the ship for sailing. it's just a nice reminder that stede chose him as his first mate for a reason beyond his propensity to attract a motley crew of unique characters - buttons is a genuinely highly skilled, highly competent, and extremely dedicated and hard working sea farer. who may or may not actually be a sea witch that has taken on the form of a humble man
-i actually am very charmed by olu still trying to persuade zheng to spare the lives of his friends while they're making out
-ooooohhhhh the fact that olu had to choose between zheng and jim was such a delightful mini conflict to see him go through. i might wind up making a post about his thoughts and motivations in that moment later on because it's so quick but so profound
-okay 1) the raw emotions in zheng's yell when she sees olu escaping on the revenge literally gave me goosebumps. 2) the look of absolute betrayal on her face in that closing shot gave me even MORE goosebumps. 3) ALWAYS LISTEN TO YOUR SLIGHTLY SUPERNATURAL FIRST MATE Y'ALL THEY ALWAYS KNOW WHAT'S UP
-i can't wait to see how this betrayal plays out in terms of the red flag fleet being an enemy to the revenge, even though we know it's temporary since we've seen Zheng Yi Sao and her fleet fighting alongside ed and stede in the s2 trailer and in the promotional materials for upcoming episodes
-UHHHH STEDE'S HEARTBROKEN FACE AS THEY'RE LEAVING HELLO?????????????????????????????????
-izzy trying to genuinely thank stede is so. Character Arc.
-also archie and jim training/fake sword fighting in the background
-"clarity? you've made your choice" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
-ed realizing that he really just hates himself is going to be MY villain origin story
-what the HELL was up with hornigold doing that howl. hated that
-"i'm not loveable" "and you're scared to do anything about it" i swan to john im gonna start chewing on the steel cables that hold up suspension bridges you literally cannot do this to me right now
-hey so fun fact when kate bush's song kicked in i actually desperately wished someone would've given me one of those neat chamomile towels that makes you pass out instantly because :) i am wholly unequipped :) to hear that song :) in the context of this next scene :))))
-seriously if you haven't read the lyrics to that song yet, first contact your local veterinarian's office and schedule and appointment to be put down whenever their next available time is, then look up the lyrics
-stede calling him a nut again i literally
-UGH the CONFLICT you can see on stede's face when deciding whether or not to remove the fabric covering ed's head or not. does he want to remove the fabric so he can say one final goodbye, face to face? or does he want to leave the fabric on so his last image of ed in his memory will be when he's alive and excited at the prospect of running away with stede?
-the fact that stede is literally pulling the wool from over ed's eyes and waking him back up both physically and spiritually(???)
-like ed, who was resigned to his fate and at peace with his choice to sink into the depths and never wake up again, INSTANTLY finds the motivation to live the SECOND stede interacts with him and he starts fighting as hard as he can to return to the surface, and just when he thinks he's not strong enough and he'll succumb to the darkness anyway, a light appears to pull him back from the brink. stede's voice comes through begging ed to wake up, to come back to him, don't die please don't die, he's here now. and ed's face as he's hearing stede talk to him is so full of love and amusement and admiration and then a little confusion as mermaid!stede appears but goes right back into his fully smitten expression and longing gaze and i just. don't know how we were ever expected to recover from this.
-THEY WERE ACTUALLY SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CRAZY TO JUST THROW THE GOD DAMN GENTLEBEARD/BLACKBONNET SEASON 1 BEST MOMENTS MONTAGE AT US LIKE THAT WITH NO WARNING DURING AN ALREADY EXTREMELY EMOTIONALLY TAXING SCENE
-anyway i am both irreparably broken inside and also reborn from this episode. thank you alyssa lane and alex sherman and also i will never forgive you for this
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csprslvt · 1 year ago
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you and i , and her. pt 11
Chapter 10
Summary: Abby was getting closer and closer and you were falling deeper and deeper for Ellie. Reader wants nothing more than to enjoy the limited time she has left before Ellie realizes the truth and she looses everything.
Warnings: Descriptions of violence and gore, foul language, lots of death, mentions of clausa phobia and confined spaces, mentions of vomit.
You’d both decided to look throughout the entire building. Someone had been here, there were bodies scattered around and when discovering one that has probably upwards of six arrows inside of her.
“Leah,” Ellie spoke.
“She was there when Joel was killed” 
You reached down, searching her pockets.
“There's nothing on her.” you concluded.
Ellie dug through duffel bag, searching for something useful, a radio sounded
“Six, this is Two, do you copy? Over. Six, acknowledge, over.” 
Ellie ignored it, she had a wad of photographs in her had similar to ones you had found.
“y/n.”
“Hm?”
“It's all of them” You watched Ellie look through each polaroid, pretending like you didn't recognize each one of them. And holding in the urge to vomit when you say an image of Owen and Abby smiling.
It still hurts, feeling replaced. In a way you wanted to run into her strong arms and forget about everything. To restart but you turned on Abby the same way you meant to turn on Ellie. You and Ellie killed members of the WLF. People you were once so associated with. But you never belonged with them. You always stuck out. Abby made you belong. With Ellie, it was like you were already supposed to have been there the entire time. Jackson was closer to home, Ellie herself was your home now. 
“That's her,” Ellie said grimly, at the same photo of Abby and Owen. 
“That's the one who killed him”
You took the photos from Ellie, she was staring a little to sadly at them.
“Three down right?” “Three down.”
“Six, this is Two, do you copy?” The radio rang again
“Support unit India en route to the TV station, repeat support unit india en route–” 
“Shit.” You’d muttered.
“Yeah, we should get going” Ellie replied
You started to walk out of the area, and asked, “ Well…shes dead, how do you feel?”
You already knew the answer.
“I'm pissed we couldn't talk to her.”
To that you sighed. 
“Yea but she didn't hurt Joel. It would’ve been pretty fucked up to make her talk” 
In the distance you heard another one of your ex-comrades, "Keep your eyes open!”
“God fucking dammit” You exclaimed
“Get down! Spread out, we could still have scars in this building. Watch each other!”
“How are we gonna get out of here?” You said to Ellie
“Someone get to the radio and call this in now”
“On me” Ellie responded.
Another WLF soldier spoke, “What are you doin?”
“Cutting them down” one spoke back
You looked down over, “Down below” You mumbled quietly. There were bodies hanging, infested with flies and maggots. Older bodies. They smelt rancid. The work of someone else.
“Make sure the building is clear first”
“I'm not leaving them up there!” 
“The fucks cutting them down gonna do? Go!”
There was no speaking after that. A soldier wandered his way upstairs to where Ellie was holding a gun. But you knew Ellie, you knew how she could be when she wanted someone dead. You trusted that she would take care of it. Hiding behind a wall, Ellie was crouching under a table, with a look in her eyes you only saw at times like this. She was focused on her goal; to take someone's life. But it never occurred to you to fear her, the look she gave you was only of adoration, she wouldn't hurt you, at least not now. Not while she was oblivious. Not while she had no reason to.
Ellie came up behind one of them whispering, “Shhh. Shut up”
She was ruthless.
But you weren't afraid. You watched her and even as she slit the throats of people you once saw everyday, you wanted her. And to realize it in the midst of a murderous rampage was strange you'll admit but when have you ever done anything normally? 
You followed her down the stairs and you could see nothing but her strength as she picked them all off like flies. Eventually you were brought back to reality escaping through a window you'd found. You thought it was safe until Ellie yelled,
“Oh fuck! y/n, we gotta run!”  
“Trespassers! Over there!”  
“Who?”
“I dont fucking know! Just shoot them!”
It hurt to run, your heartbeat in your ears and your chest was shrinking in on itself, but you couldn't stop it. You had to endure and survive.
“Don't stop! We gotta lose them!” You uttered, breathless and tired, you kept going. Eventually you both ended up in some tunnels. Ellie secured the door.
“It'll work, keep going”
Outside you could hear voices of the WLF wanting to find a way in. You were focused on the air, spores were visible. 
“Masks on” Ellie said slowly, you both pulled them on.
Outside there was more gossip on your whereabouts, dumbass soldiers incapable of tracking you down.
The farther you went the thicker the air got, spores congregated in the air. The squeeze through the tunnel was a tight one. And you felt a little claustrophobic but pushed those thoughts away. 
The WLF couldn't find you, but the walls were covered in growing organ-like remains. Infected had to be here. 
It looked alive, like it was beating and breathing and pulsing. It was the part of the parasite that disgusted you the most. Living organs, with no host growing on inanimate objects. And it was everywhere.Ellie pushed through a gate and you loyally followed her. You spotted a clicker and nudged Ellie, it was down below. The WLF had apparently found an entrance because you could hear them being ordered to put their masks on and sweep the area.
“God damn it” Ellie cursed
“So which is it? Scars or trespassers?”
“What are you deaf? Jo clearly said-”
“Quiet! Clickers, watch yourselves” 
“Why fuck do these trespassers matter? Scars just lynched the whole place! We should leave them down here for infected to eat.”
“Nah they killed Mike I need to return the favor”
Well Mike was a clueless dickhead. He should've been more careful. That guy was always bad at spatial awareness.
“Look behind you.” a quiet mumble to Ellie
A clicker stood, unmoving with its weight on one side of its body. Almost as if thinking. If they even had the brain to do so. Ellie stabbed it and the red ridges on its body made you feel dirty from sharing the same space as it. They were so nasty when you really looked at them. Raw muscle under rotting skin, fungal-like growths on their bodies, gurgling noises when they breathed. You would need a long,long shower to feel clean again after walking around in such a contaminated space.
It was dark, the lighting was red as if brightened by red LEDs. The fogginess of your mask didn't help the impaired vision. It would've been frightening alone. But right now, you would make the most of the comfort Ellie brought you to fend for yourself. Something you grew more and more accustomed to. The dynamic with Abby you had was more as if she was protecting you. Possessive and overbearing, she wouldn't let you lift a finger when with her. Then it was endearing but now it restricted you from fully knowing how to fight alone. But you didn't want to think of when you would eventually be alone again. Without Abby and without Ellie. 
 Ellie and you separated, suffocating and slitting the throats of each of the WLF. Coming behind them so they didnt see or recognize you. Giving them no time to react before they choked to death. Ellie seemed different though. 
“Are you okay?”
“Yea. Thanks” She said with a short tone to her temper
“Els?”
“I'm really tired.”
You looked for a way out, Ellie came across a paper with “Jules” written on it. Flipping it over there was a lengthy letter. She ignored it. Distant screams were heard. You smiled, those WLF soldiers were being eaten up. It was slightly humorous.
“The fuck?” Ellie sounded disturbed and you almost laughed at her tone. The deprivation of sleep was clearly getting to you.
Ellie discovered a body and suddenly nothing was funny anymore. It was the condition it was in, totally devoured.
“Have you ever seen anything like this?” you questioned
“Bloaters have acid spores but that didn't sound like a bloater. Whatever the fuck their fighting we should let them kill each other”
You were both growing desperate to find a way out. Feeling like mice in a trap, the need for air made you restless. Wandering close to Ellie you longed to hold her hand. But now you had to focus on making it out of this tunnel.Ellie didn't seem to want to be touched right now either. Crawling through a tight space, you could see commotion under you. A creature, someone that had been infected for a very very long time stood. It was bare of skin, pink wet tissue and puss excreted from its pores. Abrasions and boils covered it from head to toe. It’s mouth is wet with blood.
“Holy fuck.” Ellie was observing it and fear shone in her deep green eyes.
“I've never seen one of those things” You said as if it was some sort of alien, that never was human. 
Continuing on, Infected came your way when you dropped to the ground again. They were runners so you shot them, no time for stealth. There was just so many, and you were both so tired, yet oneward you fought. There were large bodies of the bloater like infected on the floor.
“Shamblers, is that what they called them?”
“Yea” Ellie told you, “ Where do they come from?”
“I dont fucking know but theyre disgusting” The look of them made you queasy. You wanted out.
Bodies were everywhere the farther you went. Covered in torn exposed muscle, you cringed
“Ugh… look at those acid burns”
“No, i'm good I'll pass on that” 
There was a garage door, you prayed it was a way out but a shambler waited for you on the other side. They were fucking ugly, the fact that they were naked with bulging bellies and disjoined limbs affected you even more. You took it down despite exhaustion wondering how they came to be. The amount of infected was overwhelming like they had been down there a long time, waiting for prey. Starved, rabid. 
Once they were lifeless on the ground, you kept going until a runner attacked both you and Ellie, getting her on the floor and she fought to protect herself.
“Ellie!” You were quick to get it off of her.
“Get off you fucker!” You screamed, your nervous system driven into fight just for her.
Finally it was dead but terror ran through you when you looked back up at Ellie. Her mask shattered on one side. 
No, no, no, no,no. You can't lose her, not on these terms.
“Here we can share mine” You went to take it off and Ellie roughly grabbed your arms stopping you, 
“No, no no!” she shoved you against a wall.
“What?” You were confused
“Dont take it off!”
“What? Ellie?”
 She pulled off her own and you let loose a scream, it was sharp and loud, vibrating in your throat. Involuntary, filled with panic. You struggled against her.
“Stop! I'm not infected!”
“No but you will be Ellie please-”
She held your hands. “I'm immune!” 
“I'm not coughing, do you see?” 
She had a point, she breathed the spore air effortlessly, shaking she stroked your knuckles trying to get rid of the crazed look in your eyes. You didn't need any further explanation because her being immune is exactly what you wanted to hear. That she wouldn't turn and you wouldn't lose her so early. 
“Fuck, y/n. Shit”
You turned to where Ellie was looking. The shadow of a horde of runners.
“Can you run?” 
“Yea.Yes” You nodded
“Lets fucking go. Go!”
You dashed for the escalator stairs, Ellie had your back. You'd never run so fast in your entire life. By some miracle there was another gate and it grinded up infected like a human meat grinder when they ran right into it.There was a theater nearby so you headed inside. Sitting on the couch while Ellie barricaded it. 
When she sat by you, you ripped your mask off and stared, processing new information. 
“You can breathe spores.”
“Yea.”
“And you're not gonna explain that to me?” 
“y/n I dont know. I'm immune and I've known since I was bitten when I was 14” She rolled up her sleeve, “This tattoo covered a chemical burn I inflicted on myself to cover the bite.”
You stared. And suddenly every fear you had of losing her struck you like a stake to the chest. You threw yourself into her arms, clinging as if she would turn any second.
“Y/n?”
“You fucking scared me.” You mumbled into her shoulder.
“I'm sorry.”
The next moments in her arms, the world fell away. It was just Ellie holding you while you grasped at her shirt. Needing to be closer. To feel her.
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laindtt · 11 months ago
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Ask Meme
Was tagged by the lovely @lulu2992 for quite a challenging ask meme: spell out your URL using song titles that can describe your muse/OC/pairings, then tag as many people as there are letters in your URL! Thank you so much ♥ As I haven't properly introduced my OCs yet, I chose 3 songs for the Seed family and one for each of its members ; some of them are quite oddly specific so I added some details, but I hope you'll enjoy the medley :) I also added the parts of the lyrics that motivate my choice under the cut.
Tagging, if you're interested in giving a try: @purplehairsecretlair @teamhawkeye @redreart @sweeetestcurse @galeofwaterdeeps @miasmat @josephslittledeputy
TW: strong language, violence, self-harm
L - Live like legends, Ruelle (the Seed family)
When it rains, it pours There will be blood in the water Cold to the core Faith falls hard on our shoulders This is our time No turning back We could live, we could live like legends This is our time No turning back We could live, we could live like legends
A - A million voices, Polina Gagarina (the Seed family)
We are the world's people Different yet we're the same We believe, we believe in a dream Praying for peace and healing I hope we can start again We believe, we believe in a dream So if you ever feel love is fading Together like the stars in the sky We can sing, we can shine When you hear our voices call You won't be lonely anymore
I - If rain is what you want, Slipknot (the Seed family, to the Deputy)
It's been years since anyone could be a friend It's the fear that kills the feeling in the end Can we face it? Can we shape it? Can we really die? If rain is what you want, all you have to do is close your eyes Just close your eyes I am watching resurrection start to crawl Is there any chance in hell? Any chance at all? Do we need it? Do we see it? Is it really there? If rain is what you want, then take your seats, enjoy the fall Enjoy the fall The only thing deeper than my last breath The only thing darker than my last death Is the panic, the static, I've come back from the dead But my cities will never sleep again
N - Nightmare, Halsey (John)
Now I lay me down to sleep I pray the Lord my soul to keep If I shall die before I 'wake I pray the Lord my soul to take I, I keep a record of the wreckage of my life I gotta recognize the weapon in my mind They talk shit, but I love it every time And I realize I've tasted blood and it is sweet I've had the rug pulled beneath my feet I've trusted lies and trusted men Broke down and put myself back together again Stared in the mirror and punched it to shatters Collected the pieces and picked out a dagger I've pinched my skin in between my two fingers And wished I could cut some parts off with some scissors (…) 'Cause kindness is weakness, or worse, you're complacent I could play nice or I could be a bully I'm tired and angry, but somebody should be (…) Someone like me can be a real nightmare, completely aware But I'd rather be a real nightmare than die unaware, yeah Someone like me can be a real nightmare, completely aware But I'm glad to be a real nightmare, so save me your prayers
D - Down with the sickness, Disturbed (Jacob, to the Seed brother's biological parents)
Looking at my own reflection When suddenly it changes Violently it changes (oh no) There is no turning back now You've woken up the demon in me Get up, come on get down with the sickness Get up, come on get down with the sickness Get up, come on get down with the sickness Open up your hate, and let it flow into me Get up, come on get down with the sickness You mother get up come on get down with the sickness You fucker get up come on get down with the sickness Madness is the gift, that has been given to me I can see inside you, the sickness is rising Don't try to deny what you feel (Will you give in to me?) It seems that all that was good has died And is decaying in me (Will you give in to me?) It seems you're having some trouble In dealing with these changes Living with these changes (oh no) The world is a scary place Now that you've woken up the demon in me
T - The darkest star, Depeche Mode (Faith)
Oh you sad one Playing the Angel Isn't so easy where you're from Oh you wild one Devil's companion You won't stay satisfied for long I don't want you to change anything you do I don't want you to be someone else for me Oh you dark one Eternal outsider Caught in the spider's web you've spun Oh you blind one Gentle and kind one Seeing the world as a loaded gun I don't want you to change anything you do I don't want you to be someone else for me Stay as you are, the Darkest Star Shining for me majestically
T - The beaten side of town, Barry Adamson (Joseph)
I woke up this morning from a crazy dream: The Earth was a turning ball of fire Satan and the Pilgrims had wiped the scene And I became their twisted gun for hire Don't let 'em getcha, boy, now use your head The lights they're coming 'round again "Run like a demon, boy," is what they said And then began to count from one to ten So now I'm tryin' to get out of the city You know where I can be found: The beaten side of town… Won't never let you down
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syrupypoo · 3 months ago
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Feminism. Hmm.
I'm struggling today.
It bothers me that I ever thought I had a connection with this person. Sometimes, I let things slide. I guess I had hoped the first backhanded remark was just anger. Your anger directed at someone else but landing firmly on me due to my relationship with that person. Maybe it is.
You call yourself a feminist. A "girls girl." I got you.
I call bullshit. You clearly have some internalized misogyny you need to work on. Maybe you don't even realize it's there.
I am not your enemy or your competition. I've had your back more times than I can count. Without even knowing you, after knowing you, and even after being slandered by you.
You did it a second time. Even more so. And who knows how many times outside of sight. To further your own agenda? To create distortion. Some weird fucking narcissistic urge to force everything your way?
I don't believe your feminism. I don't believe your "girls girl." You outwardly claim this ... then behind closed doors peddle that I am not my own fully capable person. That the man you harbor the anger for is a "need" in my life. That I am incapable. Clearly internalizing patriarchal messages that women are not as strong, competent, and capable as men ...
I can take care of myself, thank you, always have. I do not need a man to do it for me.
Those comments aside, it's much deeper. You question my motherhood as well? As a mother, who knows how hard it is? Who knows damn well societal judgments on every little thing we do?
It brings me such sadness. It's a behavior I've seen over and over. I don't feel anger, or I try not to. I know it probably comes from fears and insecurity and frustrations in your own life.
I'm thankful to have women in my life who are supportive and badass and wonderfully beautiful inside and out. Who know and practice love for each other despite differences.
I can't help but roll my eyes.
I decided to cut you out of my life entirely. I tried. But for such a "positive" person, you sure drag around a lot of negativity. It sucks because, given the situation, it's not beneficial at all to anyone.
I really hope you get your shit together. In any and all aspects. I really hope it's not a ploy and you're not just trying to save face. I really genuinely hope things get better for you.
Stupid Threads suggesting dumb shit I don't want to see and me falling into it like the idiotic little worm I am *sigh*
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modernmisadventures · 1 year ago
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Chapter 19: A Bruised Ego
One, two, strike.
Three, four, strike.
Five, six… 
The mid-week eve found Jess relentlessly pummeling a punching bag in the local dojo, a flurry of punches and kicks in a routine entirely her own. Her hands smarted, her legs burned, yet she wouldn’t stop - couldn’t stop. Not until she was better. Faster. Stronger. 
She hadn’t just lost to the thugs who’d broken into the bar a few nights prior - she’d been utterly outclassed and humiliated. A poor performance for someone who’d been practicing martial arts nearly half her life. 
Maybe some part of her told her she was being irrational, illogical - a woman of her size simply couldn’t take out three assailants who weighed twice her small stature. Yet that voice was drowned out by the smack of her skin on the punching bag, and drowned out by the overwhelming feeling of fear.
Fear. 
There was little she hated more than that. Even being in the damned bar left her shaky, uncomfortable; she was more thankful than she could ever express that Varrus had chosen to spend his free time helping her clean up - and keeping her the company she desperately needed - each and every night since. She hadn’t asked, and he hadn’t offered, he’d merely settled in and made himself comfortable. 
And, as much as she hated to admit it, she’d needed it. 
It was a shame she couldn’t beat the thoughts out of her head, but, if nothing else, she could beat the shit out of the punching bag, pretending it wore the face of one of her assailants. 
“Hi, Jess!” Lyse greeted as she stepped into the training room, Kabniel at her side. “I didn’t know you were…” 
Dropping her duffel on the bench, she paused as she turned. Her friend hadn’t returned her greeting, and it was quickly apparent why; her focus remained glued to the punching bag, but that wasn’t what sent a wave of concern coursing through the blonde woman’s veins. No, it was the utter exhaustion she caught in Jess’ movements, the scabbed-over cuts and the deep, purple bruises adorning her fair skin, her hair messily pulled into a ponytail. She wasn’t merely practicing on the punching bag; her strikes hit hard, hit relentlessly, hit with a purpose. 
Brows furrowed, Lyse cast a glance to Kab at her side. 
Kabniel rubbed her hand beneath her nose and frowned at Jess. “Since when did the bags start fighting back?” she asked with forced levity, her eyes darting to the woman’s hands and frowning deeper when she realized that her friend wasn’t even wearing wraps for her hands. “Hey, Jess, chill. You’re gonna split something.”
She cast a glance around and found a half-empty bottle of water on a bench. Scooping it up, she trotted back and hefted it in her hand, then glanced questioningly at Lyse, clearly asking whether or not she should dump it on the furiously punching bartender.
“Kab, no!” Lyse hissed, grabbing the woman’s arm and forcefully lowering the bottle. “She doesn’t need a shower, she needs… well, something? But not that!” 
Shaking her head, the blonde woman hurried up to her friend, gently tapping her on the shoulder. 
“Um, Jess? Are you… ok?” 
A stupid question, really - anyone could tell she was very much not ok, but, all in all, it seemed the best thing to ask. Sort of. 
Jess jumped at the sudden contact, wheeling around, fists at the ready - only to lower her guard as she caught sight of her two friends standing behind her. 
“Oh,” she sighed. “Sorry. I didn’t… Didn’t hear you come in.” 
Looking disappointed, Kabniel tossed the bottle in the trash instead. “Spoilsport,” she told Lyse, but the complaint was only half-hearted at most. Her attention was focused on the brunette. “Girl, look at those knuckles. Come here.” She reached out her hands for Jess. “Lyse, do we have any ointment and bandages? Or does one of the spotters?”
"Oh! Of course!" With a sense of urgency, Lyse bounded off to find the med kit, leaving Kabniel to tend to their friend.
"I'm fine, really, Kab," Jess huffed, yet she didn't protest as the smaller woman took her hand into hers, watching her frown. 
So maybe she'd been a bit careless, maybe she'd forgotten - or foregone - her equipment. Maybe the pain was what she sought - it still stung less than her shame. 
“No, you’re not,” Kabniel said flatly, carefully prodding at Jess’s hands to ensure nothing was more than bruised or battered. “Not your hands, and not the rest of you. What the hells happened to you, anyway? No,” she interrupted before Jess could speak, “save it for Lyse. She’ll want to know, too.” As she waited for their friend to return, she kept ahold of Jess’s hands, her eyes roaming over the other woman and cataloging each bruise and bump and scratch with growing anger.
"It's… stupid," Jess sighed, relenting as Lyse returned, allowing the two to drag her to the benches lining the training room. "The bar was broken into," she softly explained, wincing when she felt the sting of ointment on her bare knuckles. "A few nights back. Two Roe men and a Garlean. And…"
She sighed again, closing her eyes as the scene replayed in her mind. "And I let them get the better of me. It's fucking stupid is what it is. I should have been better. So I'm training until I am. That's all." She shrugged, hoping that staved off her friends' questions and concerns. 
"Jess, that's ridiculous," Lyse scolded. "You couldn't have taken on all three of them! I'm not sure anyone here can, actually…"
“No, but we can take ‘em together,” Kabniel said aggressively, slamming her fist into her palm. “Who were they? Where are they? Why did they hit the bar? They messed with the wrong girl. No one messes with my girl.” She paused, glanced at Lyse, “...’s friend. My girl’s friend.” The grin she flashed to the blonde was cheerfully unapologetic. “Where are you staying? Tell me you’re not still at the bar.” At least that question showed a modicum of common sense. “I’m crashing at old man Raubahn’s for a week, maybe he has room for you too.” And like that, it was gone.
"Thancred's, for now, but I don't think he or his new girlfriend appreciate it." Again, she sighed. "I'll be going back just as soon as the place is repaired, but thanks for the offer." 
"But-"
She ignored Lyse's protest as she continued, "I don't know who they were. Garlean, seemed to be some sort of gang business, from what I heard. I don't know why they came, but they won't be leaving so easily it they come again. Of that, I'm certain."
Kabniel frowned, mentally adjusting her couch-surfing plans. Then stuttered to a halt as Jess’s comment sunk in. “Wait. Girlfriend? Thancred’s got a girlfriend? Impossible,” she added, brushing it off. “I’ll wait a few weeks before hitting him up for his couch. You stay there,” she insisted. “Don’t go back to that damn cellar. Never liked it.” Glowering darkly, she watched Lyse finish up bandaging the other girl’s hands. “Need anywhere else treated?” The leer she sent was half-hearted at best; they’d been friends long enough that all flirtations were strictly platonic.
"Just my ego, if you wouldn't mind," Jess groaned, gently giving her bandaged hands a shake before smiling at her friends. "Thanks, you two. I don't deserve friends like you."
"None of that," Lyse scolded, gently swatting Kab for her… less-than-innocent comments. "You're stuck with us whether you like it or not. Now, go home, get some rest and get your head on straight - and don't come back until you do, or I'm telling Thancred." A threat she knew carried some amount of weight - for as much bravado as Jess liked to show, Lyse knew just how well she respected her older brother. So to speak. 
"Fine, fine." Holding her palms up in defense, Jess gave a shake of her head with a snort. "Two against one, I can tell when I'm outnumbered… sometimes. Consider yourselves lucky I didn't take the chance to kick your asses first." Perhaps practicing a fight two-on-one was exactly what she needed… but not that day. Bidding her friends farewell, she quickly packed her bag and strode out the door, the setting sun illuminating her way as she strode to Thancred's apartment, only to find her steps growing heavier the closer she got. 
If there was one thing in life she hated, above all else… it was feeling like a burden. Which was exactly what she was in that moment. 
She loved her brother, and he loved her, of that, she had no doubt. But he'd done so much for her over the years… too much. And she was paying it back by taking up his tiny living space and throwing an unneeded kink in his new relationship. 
And not the kind of kink he wanted. 
With a sigh, she did her best to push her negative thoughts from her mind. She'd be back in the cellar soon enough, and out of the poor man's hair. A part of her hoped she wouldn't see him that eve, that she wouldn't get the verbal lashing she knew she was in for if he saw the state she was in - yet any hopes of that were quickly dashed as she stepped inside, the scent of cooking dinner wafting to her nose. 
And she knew immediately that Thancred wasn’t alone. Kal’istae was perched at the bar, a glass of wine before her as she talked softly with the cooking hyur. Speaking of unneeded kinks. But it was too late to back out - he’d already spotted her, a smile blooming on his face. “Scamp! Welcome home!” He eyed her thoughtfully. “Why don’t you go get cleaned up while I finish dinner? I hope you don’t mind if Kali joins us tonight.”
The Au Ra gave Jess a hesitant smile. “I hope you don’t mind,” she added. “I brought cookies.”
"I'm crashing your date, and you're asking me if I mind?" Jess shook her head incredulously. "Of course not. Let me just jump in the shower so I don't stink up the entire apartment and ruin everyone's appetite." 
With that, she hurried off to the apartment's single bathroom, trying her best to quell her feelings as she stripped and stepped into the shower. Yet she found the hot water did little to ease her feelings, as she stared down at her bruised and battered knuckles. There she was, being a burden again, ruining Thancred and Kali's evening plans… 
With a grunt, she shook her thoughts from her head and quickly finished her wash, donning a pair of old, ratty pajamas and instantly realizing they weren't exactly fit for present company… but, given that she really didn't have much else, she emerged from Thancred's bedroom and flashed the two a smile. 
"Is there anything I can help with?"
Thancred was busy sauteing some shrimp, and the scents of garlic and lemon filled the air. “If you could toss together the salad, it would be a big help,” he said as he lifted the pan and twisted his wrist, sending the shrimp sailing along the rim. “Should be everything we need in the fridge. And you’re not interrupting a date,” he added, picking up the thread from before she’d left the room, “as Kali’s not here to visit me, but rather to visit you.”
Once more, the Au Ra gave a cautious smile. “I hope you don’t mind,” she repeated, “but Thancred and I had some thoughts on the… situation… and I wanted to talk them over with you. I know we don’t know one another that well, but I like to think we’ve become friends. And, well,” she added, casting an unexpected shy glance at Thancred, “I want to help out my friends.” She gave the last word a slight emphasis.
The silver-haired Hyur smiled as he flipped the shrimp, then moved to check on the thin pasta currently simmering merrily. Ascertaining that everything was cooking right, he pulled out a platter and scooped the shrimp onto it, then immediately added a mixture of white wine and lemon juice to the hot pan, using his wooden spoon to scrape the browned bits of herb and shrimp from the bottom and into the mixture. “I’m glad you’re here, scamp,” Thancred said simply. “I’ve told you before. This is your home as much as mine. Always has been.”
Damn him and his ability to read her like a book. Like a children's book. With the giant text and pictures to illustrate each and every page.
And he'd gone and made her favorite dish. He'd even added broccoli - something of a Jess-ism she'd adopted herself years and years ago, she couldn't even say why. It was nearly enough to bring a tear to the woman's eye, though she quickly stifled it as she busied herself digging through the fridge and preparing the salad as Thancred had asked. 
"Me?" she asked curiously at Kali's words. "What's up?"
Kal’istae twirled her glass in her fingers, studying the pale gold wine in it. “I was talking to Thancred. We were brainstorming ways that we could make this apartment more comfortable for you to stay in long-term, but honestly… it’s a bachelor pad.”
Thancred smiled, just a bit ruefully. “It’s a one-bedroom, and while I can easily partition off the living room and give you plenty of personal space, it will never feel like it’s yours. You need a place that you can call your own - at least part of it. Even the cellar never felt that way.” The steamer signaled and he turned to fish out the broccoli florets, layering them on a cutting board and chopping them down to bite-sized pieces.
“Broccoli?” Kal’istae asked, then blushed as he glanced at her. “Sorry for interrupting, I thought you said shrimp scampi? I love broccoli, I’m just intrigued.”
Thancred grinned. “I said Shrimp a la Scamp, which is basically shrimp scampi with broccoli added, but it happens to be Jess’s favorite.” He cast an affectionate glance at the brunette. “Anyway. As I was saying. We were brainstorming how we could make you a space here, when Kali mentioned she has a spare room just sitting mostly empty.”
The Au Ra stared into her glass. “It’s just my office - which is the second bedroom - and I only use a small part of it. I can easily move my work space into the living room, with the added benefit of not having the room to spread out and thus be tempted to bring home my work.” Again, she glanced at Thancred. Though the Hyur’s back was to her, his profile showed a smirk. “I’m told I need to stop spending so much time outside of work on my work.” Thancred chuckled as she paused and finally glanced at Jess, looking for a reaction.
Jess' first instinct was to refuse, to insist she'd only get in the way, that she'd be a bother, that she couldn't simply accept such generosity… but… she knew they were right. She knew it was the best option she'd been presented thus far. She didn't want to return to the bar, as much as she hated to admit it, hated to let her fears get the better of her. And she couldn't stay with Thancred much longer - she already felt awful for her brief respite already. 
"I… are you sure?" she asked hesitantly. "I'm probably not the easiest person to live with… I mean, I'm not a slob, and I keep quiet, and I can cook, but…" She let her words trail off as the most important question came.to mind. "I can't really afford much more than maybe 800 gil a month for rent… which is way below what everyone else charges."
And then there was the thought of actually living with a roommate. She'd never lived with anyone once she got booted from the foster system, aside from the times she'd had to bunk with Thancred. And this wasn't just any roommate - this was Thancred's girlfriend. Someone whose opinions actually mattered, someone who she'd hate to anger. One wrong move and she could accidentally drive a wedge between the two - and she'd sooner die than mess up Thancred's first real relationship.
Kali waved off Jess’s concerns. “As long as you’re not tracking dirt everywhere or throwing wild parties, I think we’ll get along fine. I’ll just have to teach you how to trigger some of the spells I’ve laid in for cleaning and security and you won’t have to worry. And rent… is very negotiable.” Her grin was just a little sly. “I got the apartment from the previous magic teacher at the Academy, who’d lived there since the building was built practically. The place is rent controlled and she owns it outright; I only pay about 800 gil total a month for the space, subletting from her. Landlord knows; he likes having a magic specialist on site. Means there’s never issues with mold or bugs.”
Thancred strained the pasta, then added it to the shrimp and cream sauce. He tossed in the chopped broccoli and mixed it all together to evenly distribute the flavor. While Jess split the salad into some of his pretty, multi-colored bowls, he plated the pasta on matching stoneware plates. Together with the ease of long practice, they set the dishes in front of the stools at the island counter, then Thancred shooed her off to take her seat while he gathered utensils and napkins. “And believe me that Kali will appreciate having someone who can cook in the house, because…” He trailed off as he set the utensils down in front of her, then caught her hand and drew it up to kiss her fingers. “She can’t cook. Not food, anyway,” he added slyly.
Kal’istae snatched her fingers back, then flicked his nose gently. “I apparently never had an opportunity - or a reason - to learn,” she replied, “and after I got here, it was just easier to order in or buy pre-prepped meals.” She wrinkled her nose at his grin, then gazed down at her food as he set his own place and skirted around the edge of the island to take his seat in between the two women. “I don’t expect you to do all the cooking, of course - but I won’t argue if you wish to indulge me occasionally.”
"Gods, cooking is the least I can do to repay your generosity. That sounds amazing… though I can't cast magick, so maybe you can ensure the brooms won't attack me or anything." Her trepidation quickly gave way to a bubbling excitement. An actual apartment? Her very own room? A real bedroom, not shared, not a couch, not a closet, not a basement? It sounded downright unbelievable. 
"When can I move in?" Not that she exactly had anything to move, aside from a bag or two of clothes and basic supplies. 
Thancred and Kal’istae exchanged a glance. “Is tomorrow afternoon too soon for you?” asked the latter. “I’d offer today, but I need to move everything out of the office and clean it up for you. I should be able to do that tonight, then we can move you in when I get home from work tomorrow. I know you probably don’t have a lot,” she added wisely. “Thancred tells me your… ah… room in the bar doesn’t have much in the way of amenities. So I thought maybe we could move my futon in there until we can get you a bed of some kind.”
Smirking, Thancred wound pasta around his fork. “I assure you, even when it hasn’t been pulled out, that futon is damn comfortable,” he told Jess. “I laid down on it and fell straight asleep - even with such exciting company.”
Kal’istae grunted. “Never mind that you’d put in a full day of work then immediately jumped on an airship home,” she murmured, and leaned into him briefly, pressing her shoulder to his. “But - yes. It really needs to be replaced, and I may look into that when you don’t need it any more, but for now, at least, it will make a good bed.”
"I, um… that's… really kind of you," Jess stuttered. "But uh, if you could keep your stories of having sex on said futon to a minimum that would be great." She'd half a mind to refuse; the idea of anyone having sex in her bed was bad enough, but her brother? She barely suppressed a shudder. "Wouldn't that leave you without a couch?"
Thancred sneered at Kal’istae’s peal of laughter. “I think you misunderstand our relationship, Jess. We haven’t had sex. Period. Not on my couch, not on his couch, not on any beds or anywhere.” The Au Ra’s lavender-edged eyes danced merrily at the Hyur’s soft mutter. “Maybe someday, if he’s very good, but…” She trailed off, shrugging, and beamed at Jess. “So I promise, you won’t be sharing that with your brother, in any case. And I’m not too worried about being without a couch for however long it takes us to find you a bed.”
She shrugged now, taking a bite of food before responding further. “If you prefer not, we can set up an air mattress, but I’m told that’s your usual fair, and, well…” She trailed off delicately as she took another bite.
Thancred was not quite so subtle. “It’s time you had an adult bed to go with your adult home,” he told his sister bluntly. “And we’ll work on getting that as soon as possible, I promise you - but until then, I’d just prefer to get you off that damn air mattress. But you’re a big girl,” he sighed. “You sleep where and how you want.” He almost added something, then bit his tongue and focused on his food instead.
"I, um… I'll take the futon, thanks, guys…" Jess stared at her plate, her appetite suddenly gone at hearing the details of her brother's sex life. "T-tomorrow, you said?"
Truly, she didn't deserve such good friends. Through every misfortune, every trouble in her life, Thancred had been there, with a shoulder to cry on and a hand to help her to her feet once more. 
He was, in every sense of the word, her guardian angel. 
He was her brother. “Tomorrow,” he agreed. “Now, eat your dinner.” And he suited actions to words and began to eat his own in earnest.
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sevenciircles · 2 years ago
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thoughts, praises, and critiques under the cut y'all! overall, it was't truth seekers (my favorite and what i consider one of the best) but it wasn't cherubs (the worst imo). it's decent, which is fine. perfectly average. this is all my opinion, take it with a grain of salt.
Let's start with the things I liked!
The very first thing that stood out to me was the ending scene. Not with Stolas and the phone, I'm talking the one with Blitzo. The shock in his eyes and voice when he realized that Stolas was not some untouchable being was good. That may just be good voice acting tainting my thoughts, but I do like the fact that it was acknowledged by Blitzo.
Whenever Striker was choking Moxxie, I actually kind of liked when he said 'harder'. It wouldn't have been the same if it came from Blitzo or someone, but since Moxxie said it, that made it a bit funnier.
I liked Striker's reactions to the comments rather than the comments themselves. He seemed traumatized and and just done with Stolas and his mouth. It was kinda entertaining to see him just being offended.
I liked Stolas not taking shit seriously until Via was brought up. I didn't like the fact that he was just making dirty jokes, but I did like that he wasn't scared or whatever.
I liked that we were shown how imps are treated by other demons. It just reinforces the heiarchy in Hell and how prejudice is everywhere.
I personally liked the random imps following Striker and singing the ballad, and the fact that it seemed to happen repeatedly. Idk I just liked it.
And I liked how it was established that Wrath IS IN FACT a poor ring.
Overall, this episode was for Stolas fans and it was obvious.
Now it's time for... the rest
I didn't even see the fact that the statue had a dick? I guess I wasn't looking at that. But knowing that, it's pretty ugh.
The Loona plot was useless. It established that Blitzo cares about his daughter first and foremost, but that was it. It was just pointless otherwise. Could have gone a deeper route rather than just 'fear of shots'.
Stella and Millie were both sidelined. They were robbed. Stella could have been way more calculating instead of just laughing and being an idiot. It took Andre having to explain things to her, and it just seems that Stella has become dumber. There are no real stakes with her, the big bad seems to be Andre now. I have issues with us getting a decent female villain and then having her turn into an idiot for the plot and for Andre to shine.
Now onto Millie.
She had less focus than Moxxie and Blitzo, somehow even in a Stolas focused episode, Moxxie and Blitzo were showcased rather than Loona and Millie. I liked that they made Millie and Moxxie working together, but I would have loved Millie having one on one time with Striker like Moxxie had. She was taken out early, and she didn't get her little take that moment like Moxxie had.
It felt a little disjointed.
now for my BIGGEST beef.
This is fully just my opinion. It isn't my show, I understand that. But I think a much more impactful moral would be Stolas and Striker beginning the process of not underestimating the 'littler' imps.
I would have LOVED for Striker to have a moment where he realizes he's in deep shit where Millie and Moxxie (so called vermin and not even worth killing) were beating his ass. Would have loved to see his disbelief.
I also would have loved Stolas seeing Millie and Moxxie kicking ass and realizing that they are just as capable as protecting and rescuing as Blitzo. He could have realized that his behavior towards them was condescending, and began an introspective about how he was raised.
Like Stolas getting over his internal biases would have been a great thing. Acknowledging M&Ms skills would have gone a long way. Or at least a thank you.
Stolas M&M as more than Blitzo's sidekicks or employees would have just been a pretty strong message. He WAS taken out by an imp and his life was put in danger by one and he WAS rescued by imps.
Once again, the episode was a solid meh. There were things I liked, things I disliked, things I would have done better, but that's all I can really say.
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riastillwrites · 2 months ago
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When Grief Visited
I was aware that I had always known Grief as I knew it appeared when my grandfather passed. When Grief first visited, I remembered it blurring before my young eyes. My little mind couldn't grasp anything about Grief but I felt it cold. Years after, when my guy had passed, I felt the same cold rushing throughout my body, and recognized Grief paying me a visit again. Grief never blurred out this time. Still feeling the numbing cold in me, I heard Grief spoke the first time. Minutes after I found that my guy had passed, here was Grief managing to remind me all of the unspoken words I have for my guy. Days wore on, there was Grief showing me all of the unsent letters, the music I could've shared, the smile, and the love I could've given for my guy. My tears had tired and failed to fall, but Grief was determined to remind me how I screwed up every single shitting time. The only moment I could've sworn Grief held back was when Time intervened. Time was gentle with me and gradually, I felt Grief leaving.
But it wasn't until I watched a particular scene of a person crying her heart out over someone dying... that I realized Grief had never left. I remembered feeling utterly confused and upset because I haven't been crying for months and a single funeral scene had made Grief pay me a visit again. When Grief started showing me the unsent letters, the poetries where the subject has always been my guy... I wondered what could make Grief leave or if it will ever intend to leave.
I noticed Grief appears only when I was reminded of my guy. So to deal with Grief, I have lessen my thoughts of him. Time appeared to help me again and allowed me to focus on my studies. During those times, I knew I tried so hard to push away all the things that reminds me of my guy. I still have thoughts of him but not enough to make Grief pay me a visit. But even with that, I still felt cold, and somehow, lonely.
That loneliness crept through me like paper cuts. I knew it bothered me at first but I still ignored it, thinking it was something I could remedy with band-aids. But it wasn't. The cuts weren't healing. It's been targeting the same wound and I just found myself bleeding dry from the deeper cut. I became so used to not thinking about my guy... he started blurring out from my memories. I can't recognize his face on my mind anymore, and his voice felt suddenly so distant. I started looking up his photos, fearing I'd soon forget his smile. And when I saw his smile, the relief lasted only for a moment before I found myself breathing hard, realizing I would not be able to search up the sound of his laugh, if ever I'd forget it too.
Minutes passed, Grief appeared again and found me on the floor. It started reminding me of the words and letters unsent, songs I'm sure my guy would love to hear, and the sound of my guy's laugh over some dry jokes I could've made. And for some reason, my tears were of relief.
"Are you him?" I asked after Grief finished. "You always appear whenever I think of him."
Grief looked at me for a moment before saying, "I'm not."
I surveyed Grief, "He disappears too when you're not here."
"He disappeared not because of me. He disappeared because he's dead," Grief answered and I flinched on the last word. Grief can sometimes be brutally honest.
I breathed and asked, "Then who are you?"
"Do you not recognize me? We have met more than what you're thinking. You were..." Grief trailed. "You welcomed me that time and that might have made the difference."
I kept thinking about what Grief had said because I was sure I could only count it in my fingers the amount of time I attended funerals and met Grief. Months went on and Grief dropped by but I never asked about it. It wasn't until I lost my cat that I truly recognized Grief.
As I held my cat tightly, I remembered Grief being by my side as well when I lost my old cat in grade school. I recognized Grief too when I lost a competition in school. Some people have turned physically and emotionally absent in my life, and I knew that Grief had been present as I began building up walls. Grief witnessed how I tried not to be too much and too needy so people won't leave again.
I didn't recognize Grief right away because I might have outgrown it for so long. The thought somehow... didn't excite me.
I would have gladly outgrown Grief but after years, I found myself greeting it like an old friend.
Grief understands that there is so much love in me, for my guy, for all I've lost... and the love perseveres even if it doesn't know where to go.
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pomegrnate · 8 months ago
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hwan listened in silence as ahra chastised him for his reckless actions, her disappointment palpable in the air. guilt gnawed at him as he realized the gravity of his mistake. her words cut through the tension like a knife, each syllable laden with concern and care. he felt a pang of shame at having put her in this position, a position she never should have been in to begin with. 'i didn't...shit, i didn't wanted to trouble you' yet here we are. his mind was a whirlwind of chaos and regret as he found himself ensnared in the tangled web of his own making. the weight of his foolish decisions bore down upon him like a vice, squeezing the air from his lungs and leaving him gasping for breath. 'don't even dare to say that ahra' he said, finally feeling some decisiveness onto him. she had always been the only treasured part of the pair. there was no way he was gonna let her take any dangerous paths, not even for his safety. he knew everything she was saying was just a soft punch of trial proof, an intent of soothing his mind. he knew better. 'ahra...' he threaten, even though he knew she was gonna fall into pretense in order for him to stay calmed. as she leaned in to press a kiss to his lips, he felt a surge of gratitude wash over him, mingled with a sense of unworthiness. her strength and resilience never ceased to amaze him. with a heavy heart, he watched as she inspected the duffel bag, her disbelief mirroring his own. the enormity of the situation loomed over them like a dark cloud, threatening to engulf them in its shadow. 'it's...it's stupid' he had thought himself clever, taking out a loan to impress his girlfriend, to provide for her in ways he never could before. but now, as he faced the consequences of his actions, he couldn't help but curse his own naivety. as ahra urged him to prepare for their imminent departure, hwan felt a flicker of fear in the depths of his soul. he knew they were in deep trouble, deeper than he had ever imagined. and as he washed his hands, changed his shirt, and smoothed down his hair, he vowed to do whatever it took to protect the woman he loved, even if it meant risking his own life in the process. 'im ready' he spoke with heaviness, waiting for her reaction.
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                ˚₊· ͟͟͞➳❥         hearing hwan's reasonings for taking the money, a long sigh fell from her lips. a part of her wanting to smack him for being so stupid, she couldn't hide the level of disappointment by any means. giving a soft shake of her head, she still managed to feel sorry for him. caring for his wellbeing too much, ahra was far from that heartless to turn her back on him. "you were stupid," she mumbled, already contemplating ideas on how to get her lover out of this. "if you're in trouble— you come to me, hwan. n-not some random guy. you should know that." feeling stupid for even needing to explain this to a grown man, she wouldn't forgive herself if she didn't reassure him for the future. "i'd rather sacrifice of my safety than you, so don't try and talk me out of this." valuing hwan far more than he knew, a slight smile broke at her lips. "besides, i've dealt with worse than some loan sharks." terrified beyond belief of what he'd now gotten them both into, she wasn't going to alert hwan of that. faking every ounce of confidence she had to, she'd be the stronger one if it meant protecting him. leaning in to press a second kiss to his lips, she finally broke away. brushing by the male and stepping over the body sprawled across the floor, she immediately went to the large duffel bag across the room. "it's this bag?" squatting down to unzip and peek inside, seeing the amount of money; all she could do was swallow in disbelief. "h-how much did you take ... t-thi— what did you even plan to do with so much cash?" in sheer disbelief to the amount, she zipped it back up and scooped the bag up; heading back out to the living room. "w-wash your hands, change your shirt and ... fix your hair. you need to look presentable if we're in public and— be quick, i doubt it'll be long until they figure out he isn't coming back. they'll ... eventually send someone else, so we can't stay here much longer."
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briebysabs · 2 years ago
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Hello everyone I would like to rant on how Vanitas and mostly Noé, deal with their trauma. Why? Because it correlates with my fic and I find it VERY interesting.
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Let me start with Noé bc he’s kinda the main reason I’m writing this. Then Vani will weave his way into it as well. I feel like us as an audience tend to see Vanitas notably as the one that has issues. He has more skeletons in the closet and is definitely more flawed. But when talking about Noé’s character as I have attempted several times in my theories. You realize that his inner turmoil and fear goes deeper than Louis’ death.
Noé has gone through shit. There are a series of things we need to remember before the big tragedy even happens.
1. Noé is an orphan
2. He was adopted by a human elderly couple that passed not long after.
3. He was kidnapped and was on the black market for an unspecified period of time before Teacher bought him.
May I remind you, Noé doesn’t tell Vanitas any of this. Or Louis dying. Domi told Vanitas that his partner is an orphan. Mikhail is the one who tells Vani who Louis even was and how he died in front of Noé.
Think about it. Vanitas is secretive but Noé isn’t sharing a lot either. Hell, Vanitas knew Noé was an Archiviste by I believe from Nox, Count Orlok’s personal guard. Do you notice a pattern here? All the information Vanitas gains about Noé is coming from other people. Why is that?
Well let’s put a pin in this and return to it later. We find out how his grandparents found him, their death and him being kidnapped. All of it is mentioned as like a passing comment. Obviously he’s a child and doesn’t fully understand what’s happening. We don’t know what happened to his eye either. He doesn’t share that with anyone.
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But we see he misses them dearly. But he never mentions or thinks about them in present day. At least we haven’t seen that.
Despite the impact they’ve had on his life and why he cares for humans just as much as vampires.
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So you’re probably like girl, what are you getting at here? Well I’m going to let this clip speak for my entire point and elaborate from that. Because this is the perfect example/representation of what I’m talking about.
I am also adding this panel bc of it ties back to what we put a pin on and I’ll soon come back to in a moment. But keep this in mind. This is Noé’s final thought that was cut from the anime.
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My first bullet point: Noé represses his trauma. This is what differentiates him from Vanitas. Bc instead of pushing it away, Vanitas lets his consume him which is what dictates a lot of the actions he makes. Noé swallows a lot of shit down. That’s why there are several moments he has this sharp outburst of anger. He doesn’t want to confront his past but they affect who he is. That’s why he clings to optimism (looking to the future) bc that’s what keeps him going.
Besides the Book, it’s the other main reason he latched onto Vanitas to begin with. Because he gave Noé that hope.....which is why I’m afraid of the Noé writing these memoirs but that’s a whole other topic.
And here is where the pin comes loose. Noé’s biggest fear is yes, losing the people around him but also himself. Noé is terrified of himself. I won’t necessarily call it self-hatred (though it inevitably kinda boils down to that)
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He’s afraid of his appearance seen while fighting Vanitas, he’s afraid of his strength which is why he holds back a lot or underestimates his enemy. He’s afraid of his Archiviste abilities, he’s afraid of how he felt relieved to be alive after Louis’ death.
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He’s afraid he’ll never understand this world despite finding the good in it. And he keeps pushing it all down and I just wanna hug him because THIS IS NOT HEALTHY.
FYI this method of coping with your problems or trauma is a recipe for disaster. This is what breaks people. At least from personal experience of what I’ve seen. Eventually, a straw is going to break the camel’s back. Because you can’t stay silent forever, you can’t run away forever and man this has turned into a therapy session 🥲
Bro I barely focused on Vanitas. I’ll make a separate thread about him one day. Needless to say, I am incredibly excited for what Lady Archiviste has in store for us and if it’s a Noé centric arc addressing what’s in this ramble LETS FUCKING GO
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furiosophie · 2 years ago
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i cannot stop thinking about your conception of the thranto relationship in postmortem. how you portray them as obsessed with each other, completely enmeshed, fucking lost without each other and yet how they think they're doing the right thing by giving the relationship up. it's really giving me medieval chivalric romance vibes / gothic romance vibes....i would be so curious just to read your meta thoughts on the two of them and the relationship and the character work you're doing in the fic.
okay i have no idea why my brain decided that today was the day it felt capable of answering this but here we go – buckle up this is so much longer than i had planned, i am sorry :’)
first of i think saying i’ve done actual character work would be too high a praise, i mostly have a lot of notes of gibberish with too many exclamation marks haha
that being said i think the best way i can explain how i see them is by is putting them into context with the other ship i’ve written a lot of – dinluke. and bear with me here if that’s not your cup of tea but essentially what it boils down to for me is the fact that at the core of both of these ships is them being something akin to soulmates. it’s that “there is no one who could ever see me as completely as you do” feeling, just that the pace is exactly reversed.
for dinluke it’s an instant, nearly violent “oh it’s you”, an “oh there is someone i want more than this supposed destiny i should be giving my life for”. and then the struggle comes as a “i can not be with you because i have to be sth else” and “i am too damaged to hold you”. they might get together in a week, it might take them years, but it’s always clear, like even when they don’t know, it’s always clear. the forces that keep them apart are mostly external (e.g. their respective destinies and their real, not just perceived, duty to their people).
for thranto on the other hand it’s not instant, it’s a reluctant “guess it has to be you” and then it’s over a decade of gradual slow realizations, like eli going from worrying about thrawn getting them killed at the academy to smiling to himself whenever thrawn makes faro play riddle me with him. 
they’re not falling in love, they're walking into love, slow and gradual, an endurance run until eventually they are so intertwined they end at “oh it’s always been you, it’s always going to be you”. 
they are so comfortable with each other they don’t even realize that there is no one else that can match them like they match each other. and so their struggle only comes once they have to separate and realize that they neither know who they are without the other, nor what they actually mean to each other bc it was all always unspoken and open for interpretation. so while shit happens around them the forces that keep them apart are mostly internal (e.g. things unspoken, the way they see themselves and their purpose and their worth).
[i did ofc dig deeper into this, under the cut]
moreover, both din and luke are very clear on who they are as individuals, or at least who they think they are supposed to be – the last jedi and the rightful mand’alor. that’s the whole point, they are these larger than life characters who carry an immense burden on their shoulders they don’t know what to do with. they are both on very lone individual paths (even within the rebels or covert) and are both used to being alone and fending for themselves. their struggle is not only to accept the roles/legacy thrust upon them but also to learn that it all becomes much easier when you accept help, and that it’s okay to allow the comfort of companionship rather than to run from it in fear they could cause hurt because of who they are. they need each other to grow as individuals.
thrawn and eli are, again, that in reverse. they start out as a unit, from the second they meet they are dependent on each other, thrawn literally tells eli “you hold my words in your hands” and eli remarks multiple times how his career and life are tied to thrawn’s. they spend well over a decade together in the navy, a system well known for stomping the individuality out of you, so all their individuality comes from each other – their habits, their schedule, how they wear their uniforms, the missions they go on and the memories they share. 
and it’s also interesting to note here how they have an obvious power imbalance when they meet – eli was a cadet back then, prob around eighteen or so, thrawn was at least a decade older and a fully fledged officer – but how at the same time they start out on even ground in a way thrawn didn’t with anyone, maybe not even thrass. bc even though thrawn has more experience he needs eli to navigate this new world for him, and even though eli does hold thrawn’s words in his hands he too seems to need him to thrive. they start out at the academy together and then subsequently work their way up the navy side by side.
eli essentially spends all of his adult life with thrawn, and in turn eli is the most stable relationship thrawn ever had in his life, bc yes, he had thrass and ar’alani and later samakro and thalias, but all of them were only ever at his side when time allowed, and with conditions, not 24/7 like eli is.
i think the way i put this in my notes for an unwritten part of postmortem pt3 illustrates all that well actually:
"The inhibitors, the way your bed is made, your schedule, you–" Thrawn hesitates. "You left space for me."
Eli looks away. "I wish I could say it was a conscious effort. But really it wasn't. It's just– It was fifteen years. That doesn't just go away. It's– all of these things, they're part of me." He looks up. "You're part of me."
and i’ve written a small thing for a twt prompt about thrawn having that exact realization when they’re older:
"You don't like tea."
Eli looks up and frowns, cup halfway to his lips. "I'm drinking tea right now, aren't I?"
Thrawn's eyes catch on the droplets of water sticking to Eli's skin, on his hair still damp from where he took a dip in the lake behind the ranch this morning.
"But you don't like it." 
"No," Eli concedes. "But I like drinking it." 
"Why?" 
Eli shrugs. "Because." 
"Because?" 
He huffs out a small laugh. "Because it's been thirty years. I got used to it." He smirks. "You got used to the amount of pillows I sleep with, didn't you?"
"I did," Thrawn admits, begrudgingly. 
"Prefere it even?" 
Thrawn thinks about the way Eli looks on all those pillows in the morning, how his skin contrasts the sheets like strokes of paint. "I do." 
"There you have it then," Eli smiles, looking back down at his questis.
"Does it ever bother you?" Thrawn asks when their cups are dry and Ool's midday sun starts creeping up on the ranch's patio. 
"Hm?" 
"That we're this intertwined." 
Eli looks up. "That I couldn't go anywhere in the galaxy and not be aware of the way you've changed me?" 
"Yes."
even if they wanted to go separate ways, they are irrevocably intertwined. when we finally get an outside pov of them in treason in form of ronan he describes them as “a circle of calm in the middle of the commotion” which i feel should tell you everything you need to know.
where dinluke fight against that instant feeling of being at ease with each other, thranto embrace it pretty quickly. like yeah, eli grumbles in the beginning and makes a big show of being angry that thrawn forced him to stay at his side, but eli is also a very unreliable narrator and all of that stands in juxtaposition to how fascinated he’s with thrawn from second one, and how he claims to want a simple life but is bored every second they’re not in immediate danger. 
it’s a bit hard to see when you’re first reading the books bc of how much of and unreliable a narrator eli is, but once you’re done with the whole series it becomes pretty apparent how perfect they fit with each other from the get go – i have a million examples of this but some small ones would be faro pointing out how eli is the only one who actually understands thrawn’s schemes, and thrawn telling thrass years earlier about how frustrating it is that no one ever does. 
like we meet eli as this entirely ordinary guy only to slowly realize oh wait he is a genius in his own right, and then get hit in the ascendancy books with how much of a missing piece he actually is for thrawn (the amount of annotations i have on those books that just say “eli would have known” or “eli would have done xyz”). 
like there is a reason thrawn only ever compares eli to nightswan, someone he’s obsessed with, and that he absolutely loses his mind the second eli is gone in rebels. as i said – intertwined. dependent. 
and they are not just missing pieces for each other, they are also eerily similar to each other, as we realize in the ascendancy books when we see young thrawn.
like one of my fav comparisons are these two scenes of them intimidating ppl without even raising their voices, like mind you both of them are pretty much the lowest ranking officers in these scenes, eli is an ensign reprimanding a captain:
thrawn ascendancy: chaos rising
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thrawn (2017)
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and i could make a whole different post for the “eli being an unreliable narrator” thing and how absolutely fascinating he is as a character, but i always keep coming back to wondering about what kind of gifted-kid bullshit happened to him as a kid, like i feel like he and thrawn dealt with a lot of the same issues of being “other” growing up but being unable to put a finger on it. i kinda explore that in postmortem, but it’s most clear in this scene from the borika interlude:
“I grew up near a lake just like this,” Eli says, his eyes fixed firmly on the stars. “I took Thrawn there, once. A long time ago. I spent so much time swimming in those waters growing up, but it never felt the same after that.” He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath that comes out remarkably steady. “I didn’t even know I never really belonged anywhere. Not until I met him.”
as i said, there is no one else who matches them like they match each other, no one else who’s been as much of a constant in their lives as each other.
which is why i think it’s so important that they do, eventually, go separate ways at the end of thrawn (2017) and learn who they are as individuals away from each other. where dinluke needs to allow themselves to be together to grow, thranto needs to allow themselves to be away from each other to do so. 
especially bc for most of their time together in canon they are trapped by the fact that their roles and goals are very clear cut – commander and subordinate in service of the imperial navy – which makes it very hard for them to admit or even acknowledge their feelings for each other. like even if one of them would admit it to themselves their framework does not allow them to act upon it (which is why i think there are so many sex pollen fics around for them), so you get deep devotion with everything being left unsaid. 
that’s where the chivalry aspect comes in i think – they show their love for each other through upholding their duty, that is the most overt form of affection they can show. which is also why “good day lieutenant vanto” hurts so much bc eli defecting is his ultimate show of affection, it’s his ultimate “i pledge to uphold my duty to you, not the empire”. it’s basically a declaration of love, and so ofc is thrawn sending him away to protect him. but still, unsaid, unsure. conflict. 
[as a side note it’s also very interesting how din and luke both rebel against and have to come to accept their destiny and become comfortable with it, while thrawn and eli are both very comfortable with and set in their convictions, and have to be knocked down forcefully (purrgil, send to an alien military and into an impending civil war) to re-evaluate them.]
and ofc they find back to each other eventually, bc they are quite literally meant for each other, but it has to be bc they want to be at each other's side, not bc they are forced to or dependent on each other (especially bc thrawn did very much take eli’s choice away in the beginning, so it’s important that eli takes that step himself, love the way @amukmuk handles this for example, always with explicit consent and clear boundaries).
i am sure i’m forgetting crucial parts so if you want me to elaborate on anything lmk but yeah, those are my two cents i’d say, hope that answers that question?
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Laurel was jolted awake by the sounds of guns firing, she took in a painful breath as she tried to lift her head, a painful groan falling from her lips as she laid her head back against the wall, her eyes closing again as she took in a deep breath.
Lyn knew it was Troy. She knew he would find her and she tried to keep her eyes open, but everything in her body hurt and her head was pounding, she slumped against the wall once more and waited drifting in and out.
Madison couldn't help but notice the pull Lyn had over Troy. She had never seen the young soldier act like this before, he was genuinely worried. Afraid. She had never seen fear in him before, even when Nick had a gun pointed at his head, Troy looked like he could care less. She knew that Troy and Lyn had an...interesting connection to one another, she rarely saw one of them without the other, and Laurel had threatened her when Nick was threatening Troy, so clearly there was something there. But now Madison began to realize whatever was between them ran deeper than she had originally thought.
So Madison stayed quiet and just watched, watched Troy, studying his reactions to the situation. Once Troy and the others started running down the hall following the trail of blood, Madison hurried to keep up with them and Nick. Once Troy had tugged the door open, Madison thought he might have swung the door off its hinges to get inside.
Lyn's eyes opened as she heard the door open, and immediately her hand went to her pocket where she kept the pocket knife Troy had given her, ready to defend herself in necessary, although she tilted her head up ever so slightly and she saw him.
Troy
Immediately her body relaxed and her hand dropped to her side and a soft smile appeared on her lips. A soft 'hey' was all she could manage as Troy moved towards her and lifted her up into his arms. She slumped against him pitifully not being able to hold her head up much.
"That..." Nick swallowed staring at Laurel, "That's a lot of blood..."
"Heads bleed a lot," Madison said, stepping towards Troy before he could leave the storage area, "we should put pressure on the wound until it can be bandaged properly." She grabbed Laurel's pack that was sitting on the ground. She opened it and quickly looked through it before pulling out some bandages. She opened the packs and folded them before glancing at Troy, hesitating a moment.
He could very well bite her head off for speaking, or for the fact she was about to touch Laurel. But Madison did it anyway, she lifted Lyn's head gently, earning a soft groan from the nearly unconscious girl, and placed the bandages against the bleeding cut on her head before letting Lyn's head lean back against Troy's shoulder. Madison stepped away quickly and Troy's men formed a circle around him before they began to head out of the building.
At the stairs, the group met up with Daeron, Steven, and Breck who were helping him down the stairs. Daeron wasn't bit but his leg was messed up, cut on something metal.
Daeron's eyes widened as he saw Troy and Lyn, and he swallowed, "shit...Troy, I'm sorry," he shook his head, "I didn't mean to lose track of her." He breathed out, looking at the youngest Otto in fear. There was an unspoken rule amongst the Militia, nothing touches Lyn. If Troy sends his girl with a group without him she was to be protected.
"We gotta hurry," Breck said looking at Troy, "the walkers were coming from the upper level. We blocked off where they were coming from the best we could to slow them down but they're coming."
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Close Call
FTWD
@themuselesswriter
"Troy, the third floor is clear," Lyn said through the walkie-talkie, "no walkers and not much in the way of supplies. I'm gonna check the fourth floor before heading back to the trucks." She put the walkie back on her belt before heading towards the stairs. Troy had taken a group out on a run toward one of the smaller cities that had been overrun, although at this point the walkers had thinned a bit, and it seemed like a safe bet to check out. The hoard of walkers that once made the city impossible to enter safely had thinned and also made sure that not all the supplies had been picked clean.
Lyn had volunteered to look through the abandoned local college in the city, looking for any supplies she could get her hands on, and found a fair amount that she stored in her backpack. She had only come across a few stay walkers which she easily took care of. Laurel opened the door to the stairs slowly and looked around. So far everything was clear so she traveled up to the fourth level.
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sugarakis-p2 · 2 years ago
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Security: Shigaraki ch 4
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You are carrying millions in your quirk, the only catch is you have to trust someone in the League of villains to get to it. What better way to become fast friends than committing crime together?
Security <origin story
Security ch 3 < previous
This is humiliating and frightening. The cock warming on stage was horrid enough, but the words they are saying makes your blood freeze in your veins. You are an ex-hero and you know just how the heroes will handle this. Too ugly for your mom and your friend Tetsuo, your getting them out of here but not before Shigaraki completely dominates your soul with mind blowing sex.
Warning: Possessive Shigaraki, public cock warming, mild violence, death threats, chase, brainwashing
Chapter 4
The crowd cheered as Re-Destro gave his speech.
RE -Destro. This is mortifying, feeling full and stuffed with hot cock but trying desperately not to move or have anyone pay attention to you.
"I don't want to do this," you whimpered in his ear.
"You promised, and I needed a way to hide the stain of us on the front," he replied. It took you a long while to remember, but you recall learning about Destro in school. You flinched as Shigaraki shifted and ran his fake fingers up your fake knee. He found it more fascinating than the speech. But you wanted to understand what the hell he was saying, who would have guessed being stuffed is distracting.
You are trying to make yourself smaller and disappear. The movement made Shigaraki groan. You didn't bother to point it out earlier, but the mask does not give you anonymity since everyone can recognize you from your legs alone. More shame, your body heating at how good it does feel being stretched and the embarrassment of being used on stage.
The horror of your reality was surreal. Mr. Yotabushi is Re-Destro, and the little bullshit club is not so bullshit as you sit there wondering why this was kept from you. Thousands of eyes on you, and each one in the Meta-Liberation Army. It's really a fucking army.
"This is harder than I thought. You feel amazing, and it's," Shigaraki was whispering, cutting himself short when Re-Destro started darting in front of the two of you. The fervor of Re-Destro's words increased. Introducing Shigaraki as the new leader. He looks at a card to introduce the new merger of the League of villains to the paranormal some bullshit.
Shigaraki jerked his hip up, sending a jolt of pleasure through your core, and you squealed, burying your face deeper in his neck. This is why it was kept from you. Theft and fighting those that start shit with you is one thing. But an army always means civilian casualties. A thing you know Shigaraki doesn't believe in. To him, there is no such thing as an innocent by standard. You don't want to be here. You don't want your mom to be here.    
You are growing wetter in his lap. Your entire body heated up in shame, panting short breaths over Shigaraki's sensitive neck. He trembled underneath you. He gripped your waist roughly. You can feel Shigaraki getting more excited by your embarrassment and fear. Made worse when you dared to peak and meet Dabi's eyes. He stares at you curiously at first. A slight sly grin grows on his face when he realizes what is happening.
He starts guffawing, not that anyone can hear his laughter over the crowds raised cheering. Shigaraki says, "We're gonna do whatever we want," and bucks his hips lightly again in front of everyone. You muffle your yelp into his soft fur-lined jacket.
The crowd screams in excitement. These idiots don't know they will get killed, nothing but cannon fodder, while children and innocent get caught up in the middle of the blender. They are excited at the idea they will make a difference. But they won't. Not unless there is a lot of death to the people that matter. Do these morons know that? Do they really not know how far the hero commission will go to keep the status quo?
Shigaraki tosses his card aside, grabbing you and forcing you down on his lap harder. Tingles of pleasure, goosebumps over your skin. The is curtain coming down, you wave three times goodbye to the crowd. You remove your mask and cover your face with both your hands, wanting to flee like a child. You can't get up with everyone still on the stage, congratulating each other.  
Shigaraki rotating his hips to grind his cock against your cervix. Yanking 'father' off, setting him aside, pulling your hands from your face so his dry lips can be locked on yours. Shoving his tongue deep in your mouth past your protesting lips. A throaty moan vibrates in you as he doesn't hide what he is doing.
You try to push away to tell him to knock it off. You can do this in private, not that you feel like it after all the shit he dumped on you and humiliated you in front of everyone. Re-Destro was their heaping praise on Shigaraki and you, oblivious to what was happening, when Shigaraki pulled away to growl at him to, "Get lost!"
You gasp for air, Re-Destro's eyes widen slightly, and he smiles.
"Let us, "get lost," Trumpet! Happily!" Re-Destro said. That was hard to see. How the hell did a goliath of a powerhouse like that end up bootlicking Shigaraki. They had left out a lot. When you arrived, it was an implication that they were absorbed in the League. That does not seem to be the case any longer. Before you could think or say anything, Shigaraki adjusted you making your body ignite.
Bucking up lightly, pulling your back flush to his chest, he tangles his fingers in your hair, jerking your face to him as he clamped his mouth back over yours. Not letting you protest or wriggle away from him. The others were still watching as you angrily screamed in his mouth.
Mr. Compress was pulling a blushing Toga and Spinner away. Twice was bugging Dabi, who watched with lust hooded eyes, not bothering to go. He smiled at you when your eyes met. You scream harder and push at Shigaraki's chest.
He growled, angry that he had to work harder to fuck you on a stage. Dabi leaned against the stage wall and unzipped himself. When Twice noticed and then looked over at you, he bounded away, screaming "gross" repeatedly. Jerking your head with a pull of your hair, Shigaraki made you look at him.
"You look at me. Look in my eyes when you cum," Shigaraki hissed. Spreading your legs over his knees, pressing your swollen clit with his two real fingers. You gripped the arms of the throne, accidentally touching father, jerking your hand back from the cold dead flesh. He moved father to the side and let you grab onto the arm. When his gaze caught yours, the rapture in his eyes kept you pinned to him.
"Good girl," he purred. Your blood pounded like liquid fire. Your heart fluttered at his adoration. You mentally scolded yourself at how you had just discovered you had a praise kink because you found yourself unable to tear your eyes from those scarlet jewels blown out in dark inky bliss. You felt yourself getting lost in those eyes, his cock hot and hard as he thrusts up harder.
"You just got wetter and tighter for me. Stay looking at me. It's just you and me. No one else matters," Shigaraki moaned. He let go of your hair to work his hand into your dress. Cupping your breast and breaking the strap. You yelped in fear and squirmed, forgetting that he could control his quirk.
"Don't close your eyes," he ordered with teeth clenched and silted eyes filled with lust. Gripping your tit harder to press you more to his chest. Your nipple hardening under his touch and cool air. You opened your eyes after he pinched your clit between his pinky and ring finger.
"There we go. Good girl," he said with a smug smile. Spine-tingling pleasure as his cock expertly unraveled from the inside out. You pant but try to muffle your cries because you are not alone. You can hear Dabi pumping himself over the wet slapping of your flesh. He lightly rolled your nipple between his thumb and index.
He felt so good your body responded back, heat rippling through you as you helped bounce up and down his length. Shigaraki is cruel. Stealing you from your boring life, giving you a taste of excitement, then coiling around your heart like a venomous snake, distracting you with ecstasy making you forget he's dangerous. Nails digging in the throne, moaning, bliss pooling in your center.
Shigaraki's tone abs trembling underneath. His fingers circled your clit. Pumping in and out of you at a feverish pace. His lips part slightly as a groan escapes, and you detonate. Exploding as his hips stuttering, cock twitching with each hot shot of cum in you. Arching, you scream and writhe. Shigaraki's eyes widen, burning in your soul, his forehead touching yours as he growls, puffing with gritted teeth. Your pussy clutching at him, milking him, begging for every drop of cum. Heating pooling in your center, shuddering in bliss, as shockwaves rumble through you.  
You feel dazed and limp in his lap. The sex was mind blowing and you think you love him. It would be too tacky to say that now. He's kissing you. Moaning, you look past him to where Dabi was. His coat fluttered as he disappeared, a puddle of jizz where he was. Shigaraki softly stroked over your nipple when he looked over at what you were looking at. He shrugged and went back to paying attention to you.
You remember feeling mad but not quite remembering what about. Leaning down and pulling you to his mouth, he kisses then sucks your nipple. Cock softening, you feel a gush of fluids soaking between your legs. You clap your hand over it, officially destroying this dress. Shigaraki chuckled around your nipple.
Then you heard it. The loud chatter of people on the other side of the curtain. You felt your cheeks heating, remembering all the shit you are mad about.
"You fucking fuck face," you growled at the top of his head. You popped your tit out and pussy off him. But he stole you back down with a boyish grin and hard eyes still bliss blown. Pushing himself back in since you could not get him out all the way.
"Hey, I was using that. Tsk, that's the second time you did that. Don't be mad about this. You promised," he said in his new smoldering voice. No! Nope! No! Do not get sucked into that.
"There is a party going on, and everyone heard us fucking," you hiss. He grinned wider and shrugged.
"Good," he said, moving to kiss you.
"Did you mean that psycho shit the both of you said?" you asked. That made him still. Suddenly serious, he watched you.
"That won't have to be anything you have to worry about. I made sure you will be safe," Shigaraki said carefully. Your lower lip trembles.
"Ok," you say. He looks at you doubtfully. Kissing you, you kiss back, caressing his cheek. He drags himself away, still eyeing you suspiciously.
"Ok? Good. Let's talk more about it tomorrow, ok. We'll talk more about it, and I will meet your mom?" he asks. You nod quietly, standing. This time, he lets you go. You feel stretched and sore. Lifting the strap to cover your bare breast, "Wait. Here baby." He handed you the fur-lined coat.
"I'll see you at the party after I clean up," you tell him. He nodded. He beams, watching you limp away, sore from what he just did to you. It quickly dropped when you were out of sight. He pulled the earpiece out and talked to the doctor while putting away his dick.
You ran like your ass was on fire to the villa. Yun chased after you, which made you wonder if he had heard everything too. You wanted the earth to open and swallow you up.
"Ms. Void!" He shouted after you. When you reach the villa's door, you spin around.
"I need a shower and some privacy. Thank you," you shout vehemently at Yun, slamming the door in his face. Mom wasn't here, so you hope Tetsuo got her out since all the security seemed focused on you tonight. Running to your bedroom, you wedge the door open, the door with the lock on the outside. Shit seemed ominous now.
You texted Tet asking him where he was at. Ripping the soiled dress off, tossing it to the floor, kicking off your heels as you jump in the shower to scrub quickly between your legs, not waiting for the hot water. What you need is a plan b pill. Fuck, you were not planning on this much screwing when Compress picked you up.
Still wet and not caring, you quickly put on whatever you can find. Black cargo pants and a Minnie mouse shirt. You sigh. Mom was a terrible packer, but you don't care. You just need to get out of here. Your phone pings, looking at it and cursing aloud at what you are reading.
At the party. Come meet me.
"Why the fuck are you at the party, Tet?" you snarl to no one. You reach into your pants and feel for the panel that turns off your artificial nerve response in your legs. You hate doing this because it feels like you're walking on numb stilts, but it's useful when you need to go around without shoes or kick somebody.
Tits bouncing in your braless shirt, you make your way to the damn party. You need to know if he got your mom out and to where. Yun is following closely behind. You're looking around for him when you hear a voice behind you. You're texting Tet like crazy, panic rising when you don't see him in the sea of people.
"Aren't you the Void?" a sensual voice asked. You turn around to see Hawks. Hawks, the number two hero of all people, drinking a can of energy drink coffee.  
"You drink that shit?" you ask back. He smiles and shrugs.
"Ms. Void, you shouldn't be talking to anyone that is not in the original League, remember?" Yun reminds softly, staring at Hawks. Hawks looked him up and down, then turned back to you, ignoring Yun.
"What is the Void doing in a place like this?" He asks like a cheesy pickup line.
"Leaving as fast as I can because these people are fucking nuts," You say, frantically texting Tet. Hawk's eyebrows shoot up when you finally get a response. 
Turn around, it says. 
You whirl to come face to face with Dabi. He texts something and looks up at you. Your phone pings, sighing you read the text out loud.
"So, did I hear you right? You are leaving Shigaraki?" You shake your head at him, "Where's tet?" You demand. Ignoring Hawks and stepping forward to close the difference. He smirks at this, clearly not finding you a threat.
"Oh, we caught him trying to abduct your mom. Since I answered your question, why don't you answer mine?" he asks, putting Tet's phone in his pocket. He's beaming at you, and you flinch. His smile is more disturbing than Shigaraki's.
"You didn't answer it. I asked where he's at. Where are Tet and my mom?" You ask again, more in his face.
"Answer my question first, and I'll tell ya," he says, reaching out to twirl his finger around a strand of your loose hair. A strangely intimate gesture that makes you take a step back from him only to have him follow. You grab his hand and rub your cheek on it. Felt a scrap of his staples on the palm. His hand falls away with a blush.
"No. You misheard me, just like there must have been a misunderstanding. Tet would never do that. Although I do think you are all completely nuts," you challenge. He runs his tongue over his teeth. He uses his thumb to bush your lower lip.
"That's a shame. Because if you try to leave, that's like breaking up with the wrathful leader. By the way, you make the cutest little moans when you're getting fucked," he confesses in a whisper. You snap your teeth at him, wanting to bite off his thumb. He jerked his hand away in time, laughing, "No idea where Tetsuo is, but Mr. Compress is comforting your mom out in the garden."      
You spin, heading straight for the garden. Dabi sidles up to Hawks.
"Want to earn some extra brownie points?" He asks, never taking his eyes off your ass.
The air is getting brisk. Your flesh breaks out in goosebumps as you rub your arms for warmth. When you Mr. compress with his arm wrapped around your mom's shoulders. You've had it. You will get mom out of here and then save Tet.
"Hey, Compress!" When he turns to look around, you open your quirk at the end of your fist and punch him. You punch him so hard, he slumps over, and your mom screams. You grip her wrist and start heading to the main street where you can find a taxicab.
"What are you doing?" She screams hysterically.
"You are going home. We are getting out of here," you huff in the cold air. She pulls her hand away.  
"I can't. I'm a key part of the fight coming up. I'm under Twice's command, and Mr. Compress and I will get married after we change everything," She says. Your mouth drops open at her words. You snap it shut, laugh, and shake your head.
"Do you know where Tet is?" you ask. She looks surprised, but she points and tells you, "What are you going to do?" Mom asks with an expression of worry. Tears start running down your face. She winches as if you slapped her. You tried so hard leading up til now to save her.
"You know sis always said you can't save those that don't want to be saved," you walk away. You can't save mom, but you can save Tet. Mom is calling after you. He only got caught up in this because of you. She's not stupid. Mom must know that implies people getting hurt. You don't want to find out whether she knows people will die because you feel you know the answer. You sob because it's your fault mom is here, but she sounds so brainwashed; your heartbreaks. Maybe once you get Tet away, you can try again. It's all your fault.
Yun runs up, panting, and you slam your fist in his face, knocking him out. It was a mercy. They are going to blame someone for this. You don't want it to be Yun. So let's hope they don't catch you or kill you for this. At least Yun shouldn't get blamed. You make your way to the room your mom told you they are keeping Tet. Two guards are outside. You walk up to them.
"Ms. Void, what are you do..," You open your quirk at the end of your hands and knock them both out. When Shigaraki tried to reach in your chest so long ago on that dirty mattress, it occurred to you that the numbing sensation could knock people out if you learned to control it. When you were in your wheelchair, all you had was free time to practice. You yank the keys off one guard, unlocking the door you want to cry again. Tet is tied to a chair, bloody, the whole right side of his face swollen with a molten bruise.
"What happened?" You asked, unlocking his cuffs.
"Your mom used her quirk. I was standing between her hand and something she called," He mumbled, stumbling.
"I'm going to get you the fuck outta here, Tet," you grunt, helping support him.
"No! No! I must stay. Take all the blame, or they will do something terrible to you for this," he gasps. You look at him and giggle.
"Jeez, Tet. You used to say you could never be a hero. Now listen to you. You are too good for a girl like me," you tell him, kissing him on his good cheek. It makes him smile and almost cry. Walking through the woods to the road where you know he can get a cab that has nothing to with the Metalib nuts.
"VVVVOOOOIIIIDDD!" You hear Dabi sing-song. Damn, it is very unlikely he is alone. Other voices of the League ring out following that thought. You curse again. Your luck is not holding out.
"Tet, you have to think of diamonds," you tell him. He gets confused, then he shakes his head when he understands what you want to do.
"No! You have to come with me," he begs. You take advantage of his confused state. 
"Tet! They will chase after me. They might let you go if you disappear. Don't worry. I have no intention of getting caught. This is just in case. I will meet you up with you," you lie. They must have hit his head hard because he is not normally this easy to fool. You know you will get caught. He nods and pulls diamonds out. You watch him run. Time to see if Tet really did make these for running. You pick an angle and run. You feel like a gazelle when you pick up speed; Tet is a god with mechanics. He only went into prosthetics for you. 
Jumping over trees, screaming at the top of your lungs. They can't even get close to you. You dodge weave and knock the hell out of them. When you see Mr. Compress, you go out of your way to inflict pain on him.
"Come here to your future daddy," he says. You still, your mouth drops open.
"How did you know I always wanted to fuck my step-daddy?" you ask. That makes him freeze.
"Wait. What? Really?" he asks. You punch him for sounding a little too excited at the idea. He grunts 'fair enough,' this time not knocking him out.
"That was for using my mom!" You shout when you are tackled by Yun. You struggle to open your quirk on your back. There's a sharp sting of a needle in your ass.
"Got her. Good team effort," Hawks said. Your head starts to go fuzzy as Compress reaches out with his quirk. Dabi is there talking to Hawks,
"Nice. Now, fast hero. Go catch the guy and kill him. Bring back proof," Dabi instructs. Hawks nods. Your world goes black because you are so sleepy. There is warmth under your head, and you snuggle on the boney lap. Fingers stroking through your hair with care. There are voices above you.
"She let him go and then played a long game of tag. Void was ditching you. She was dancing a tantrum after the shit you pulled last night. That guy running could be a real problem," Dabi says.
"Tsk. The book I read said it will create a bond to maintain eye contact during release. We'll keep her here and let her explain. Poor sweetness is probably thinking all sorts of horrible things. Leave her to me, and I will correct her," Shigaraki says, caressing your cheek and stroking his thumb along your jaw.
Dabi snorts as you pretend to be asleep. The low sound of Mario brothers fills the air as you really fall asleep.
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