#this seems like the work of an insane person

[star-anise]

Disclaimer: I like Anita Sarkeesian.

But also, I just saw a writeup of a Youtuber whose content has come a long way from his Gamergate days, and to explain that, the wiki says, "Anita Sarkeesian is a radical feminist who created a webseries about sexist tropes in video games"

AHAHAHAHAHA ANITA SARKEESIAN, RADICAL FEMINIST

HOO HEE EXCUSE ME THAT'S A GOOD ONE

Radical feminist. Feminist extremist. Anita Sarkeesian.

Anita Sarkeesian did her Master's Thesis in Social and Political Thought in 2010 on the trope of the "Strong Woman" in fantasy and science fiction TV shows, and produced Tropes vs Women, a series of online videos breaking down her work in a way that was accessible to a lay audience. She found a ready audience in geek feminist circles, since this was exactly the kind of thing we wanted and needed right then.

Tropes vs Women was extremely bog-standard cultural critique, what you'd find expressed in discussion between scholars of literary theory or media analysis anywhere, and exactly what 99% of feminists were saying at the time. It certainly talked about patriarchy as the complex system of sexism fused into our cultural matrix, so it's not like it wasn't radical feminism from that viewpoint, but it wasn't "radical" by way of being especially militant. Sarkeesian frequently pointed out how individual occurrences of a trope weren't harmful in themselves, but that a media landscape completely saturated with only that trope and nothing but that trope is, in the aggregate, a big feminist issue.

And the internet

HAAAAAAAATED

her for it.

Like, geek feminists got flak a lot anyway, especially when we wanted things like properly enforced policies against sexual harassment at science fiction conventions. And yeah, there totally were toxic keyboard warriors who said stuff about all men being scum - but Sarkeesian wasn't one of them.

It's probably because of her succinct, matter-of-fact, "this is not a debated issue, feminists have decades of theory and research to back this point up, sources abound if you google for thirty seconds so I won't stop to baby you through all the fundamental concepts" approach that she got such a big reach. She was calm, concise, coherent, and rational, everything feminists are told we need to be.

Unfortunately that just made her seem... attackable, I think. A good target, not actually scary or impassioned, unlikely to respond to violence with violence. The perfect kind of person to play five seconds of, and then spend the next five minutes yelling into your mic because IF ANITA IS RIGHT ABOUT VIDEO GAME SEXIST YOU MIGHT AS WELL SAY THAT EVERYTHING IS SEXIST AND SEXISM IS SYSTEMIC AND ENDEMIC TO ALL OF WESTERN CULTURE AND OTHER CULTURES TOO, WHICH IS CLEARLY RIDICULOUS, ANITA LADY BAD.

She literally spent five solid years as Enemy #1 in online geek spaces. It was completely insane. I am so sorry she had to take the brunt of it, and yet grateful that she did. She held the line and took the shit and kept doing good decent feminist work for years after, though she did admit to burnout and closed up shop on her nonprofit org Feminist Frequency in 2023. I hope to hell she's having a good day.

But even now, more than a decade later, dudes talk about her as though she were Geek Feminist Godzilla, the biggest baddest woman in the universe, off to lay waste to downtown Video Games and cut everybody's balls off.

When people (mostly dudes, but not all) talk like this, it's just very funny and unintentionally revealing because of the absolute averageness of her third-wave, trans-inclusive, western-centric, intersectional feminism. It makes them look absolutely pathetic.

Because it just makes it clear that she is probably the first and last self-described feminist the speaker has ever paid attention to.

[gallusrostromegalus]

I did not care at all for Aizen Sosuke when I first read bleach. I found him boring, and worst, unthreatening.

So it's pretty jarring for me that I have been OBSESSED with him in your AU. I'm rotating him at great speed

Walt Disney was a jackass who was flat-out wrong about a lot of very important things, but he employed a great many geniuses of storytelling, and there's a piece in Disney Animation: The Illusion of Life by Frank Thomas and Ollie Johnson that discusses a key feature of Disney Studios Character Design:

"Of all characters, villains are the most fun to develop because they make everything else happen. They are the instigators, and always more colorful than the Hero. They may be dramatic, awesome, insidious or semi-comic, but they MUST be appealing. Almost any story becomes innocuous if all the evil is eliminated, but we do not necessarily gain strength by being frightening. we want a character that will hold the audience and entertain them, even if it's a Chilling Type of Entertainment."

And I've found that to be an important principle of character design, especially the kind of canon restructuring I do.

Aizen had a LOT going for him in canon- for all of Bleach's other faults, Aizen's conspiracy and THE REVEAL are spectacularly constructed and executed. I legit screamed and threw my mug across my dorm room when I read it in the manga the first time. He's also conventionally attractive and the translations I was reading gave him the speech patterns of Every Douchebag In Your 101 Political Theory Who Thinks He's The Smartest Man In The Room, which made him a terrific combination of Unfortunately Charming, Menacingly Competent and Engagingly Obnoxious.

...But he falls flat in a few key places.

Aizen's reasoning could be MUCH more sympathetic- After all, he is RIGHT. Soul Sciety does suck ass and all the options kind of suck. Who designs a universe like that? An asshole who needs killing, that's who. The best kind of Unhinged Madmen are the kind who spell out their reasoning and you realize that there but for the grace of Not Having Super Powers Go I. Canon!Aizen makes a few Good Rhetorical Points, but seems to lack any personal connection to his all-consuming plan.

Another issue is that nearly every villain with A Plan has a clear end goal AND a lot of the menace is drawn from the fact that the plan *could* work. Aizen's plan for betraying the court guard and then killing them off before proceeding into the Royal Realm to Kill God sorta falls apart when it's clear he planned to use pretty much all his accumulated forces dealing with the court guard and doesn't seem to have a plan for the Even More Powerful Royal Guard, let alone God. For how meticulously planned the rest of the plot is, the last two VERY IMPORTANT steps are just handwaved.

So I sat down and started with the plot beats Aizen MUST hit, and tried to imagine what kind of guy would he have to be to get there? And I came up with this:

Sosuke Aizen is a fundamentally good man with genuinely good intentions who is really trying his best for the whole world.

Think about it- what lengths would you NOT go to if you think you found a genuine shot at Fixing Everything Wrong With The World Forever? We all talk about killing Hitler if we found an actual Time Machine- would you do it if your only chance was when he was a baby? Would you kill an infant if it meant you could stop World War II before it starts? Of course you would! One small life for over 75 million? You'd be insane not to! What if you found out that you could prevent the future extinction of Humanity by killing your best friend today? Ten Billion lives? For theirs? It's simple, really- Hell, it's your Moral Obligation to do that if you were SURE!

-And Aizen IS sure. He is absolutely, totally, completely sure that He Can Save Everyone if he just gets rid of that idiot sitting on the throne of heaven. He's seen the plans! He knows where the gate of heaven is! It's So SIMPLE he just has to get inside, and he knows EXACTLY how to do it, yes it'll be hard and there will be... unpleasant parts but. IT. WILL. WORK.

He is of course, insane.

Aizen didn't have One Bad Day that set him irrevocably on the path of madness. It was a succession of catastrophic disappointments and realizations that he was living in a fundamentally irrational world that made irrational thinking look sane. The Catastrophe that befell his family, working for the central 46 and later the court guard and seeing how the organizations were inept to the point of abuse or corrupt to the core, learning that The Actual House Of God is a place he can just? Go to? Anyone would start thinking you were just a handful of white lies and homicides away from Fixing Everything, Forever.

Not only is Aizen insane, he is nowhere near as smart as he thinks. He is smart- He does have a knack for being able to guess just what will spur someone to action or make them recoil in fear. But mostly he gets extremely lucky Many, Many, MANY times. On some level I think it gives him Confirmation Bias that this is what he's supposed to be doing. Aizen is also nowhere near as smart as (nearly) everyone else thinks he is. His bizarrely good luck makes him look like a hyper-competent genius when really it was really the catastrophic failure of Soul Society as a Society that let a merely mediocre conspirator to evade detection for so long.

Being that he is at most, mediocre, he had to have Outside Help, specifically Gin's emotional support and Tousen's Competence- and if there's a part of the fic that stays true to canon, it's this.

Gin is Aizen's emotional rock in Canon. He's the ONE guy that Aizen genuinely trusts, and considers his 'my only real partner' in his scheme. There's more than one occasion in the manga where Aizen more or less asks Gin "Is this actually a good idea?" and Gin backs him up every time.

...Which is more than a bit at odds with Gin's later stated goal of "I did all this to kill you at your most vulnerable to protect rangiku" . It never rang true to me. So I started thinking why on EARTH Gin would be backing Aizen up like that, and realized there was a hole in my world building that he slotted into nicely :)

On the other hand, the entire fic was started because I didn't like how Tousen's character arc ended, so you can imagine how much he's changed.

But in canon, TOUSEN DOES ALL THE FUCKING WORK.

Lab work? Tousen.

Supervising the arrancar directly? Tousen

Actually getting victims for the Hogyoku experiments? Tousen.

Altering all the archives to keep Aizen's plot hidden? Tousen.

Sending all the Orders allegedly from the central 46? Tousen.

Making sure Unohana believes Aizen's fake body is real? Tousen.

Managing all the day-to-day operations at Las Noches? Tousen.

There's even this little exchange, which is Tousen's first appearance in the Manga:

Aizen establishes this entire meeting is a little fake-out a few pages later with "now isn't that a convenieint time for the alarm to go off?"

which makes him look like he's investigating, but he's also going "Good job on disrupting everyone with the alarm Gin!" It's ballsy of Aizen to do a check-in on his plan with his main nemesis in the room, but also his style.

I think the same thing is happening here with Tousen. To make sure Ukitake wouldn't raise a huge fit about the proposed execution of his beloved lieutenant, which might fuck everything up for Aizen because Ukitake is one of like, three people Yamamoto will listen to (sort of).

...So he had Tousen poison Ukitake to keep him out of the way.

ALL. THE. FUCKING. WORK. It's even in his name! The characters for "Tousen" Refer to a legendary scholar the emperor of China sent out to discover the secret of immortality- only to kill the scholar when he returned with that secret. The character for "Kaname" means "Necessary/Vital/keystone" or "to organize/take account of". His name LITERALLY means "Scholar who is essential for the plan (that we're going to kill later)"

Another thing Kubo did well in Bleach: his name game is Off The Fucking Charts.

-but I digress.

In AEIWAM, it's much the same only this time Aizen sees this very dangerous witness who is immune to his illusions but also extremely snart and capable young man and instead of risking being caught out by the one damn guy who can see right through him, opts to Curse Kaname into doing as Aizen says, and doing all the fucking work of this conspiracy against his will.

It's Not Nice, but Aizen genuinely thinks he's doing Kaname a favor by subjecting him to this degrading and incredibly painful servitude- I mean, Aizen's only other option was to Kill him to keep his silence, and isn't it wonderful that you get to help fix the universe? You're the one always going on about Justice, I don't understand why you didn't jump at the chance to mete out some Divine Justice.

An Excerpt from the captain's meeting in between the Massacre that made the visored and Zaraki's arrival, when Kaname realizes Yamamoto is 100% serious about his promotion to captain of the 9th and goes to throw up in the garden. Aizen offers to go check on him while Unohana very politely reads the general the riot act:

---

"You broke your toy Aizen." Kaname coughs.

"…I really am sorry for running you ragged like this. I really shouldn't have gotten so mad about you hiding the the hogyoku- it was very petty of me." The bastard sighs, taking off his glasses and rubbing his face, entirely genuine.

Kaname stayed on his hands and knees, weaving slightly as another wave of nausea flowed through him, powered by disgust and rage.

"How about this- I've got a lot coming up with the new job, training Gin and disposing of Kiganjo- So how about I promise to not give you any orders for a while? You will have to keep our arrangement a secret and not interfere, of course, but other than that, you're free to do as you please for- a year and a day is traditional isn't it? No, that's not going to heal by then- Oh, would you look at that!"

Kaname didn't have the strength to offer his usual rebuttal that he won't look at anything, ever. The sides of his head tingle like his skul was being pressed between two enormous hands made of static electricity.

"It's 11:11! Alright, I won't give you any Orders until 11:11 am on November 11th, 1911. That's easy to remember! What do you think?" Aizen continued cheerfully, patting his back and the Curse nails.

"…I can't." Kaname groaned. He could scream if he had the energy, but due to Aizen's Illusions, nobody would hear him. "I actually physically can't think. Please…"

"Of course! You really are such a help to me, it would be a shame to lose you. I'll even amend our contract, so you don't get paranoid-" There was a sizzling sound and a new stroke of hot pain up Kaname's spine as Aizen did something to the wretched Bakudo. "There. No compulsions for eleven years and a day. What do you say?"

Kaname grimaced, but dropped his head. Save the energy to fight another day. "…thank you, Aizen-sama."

"Good man! Let's get you on your feet." Aizen beamed, putting his glasses back on and offering him an arm.

---

He genuinely thinks that he's doing everyone a huge favor and if they don't get it it's because they're just not smart enough, but it's alright, He's a Benevolent God and they'll appreciate all his hard work the next time around :)

Aizen is a man who is FULL of joy. He loves what he does! He actively takes pleasure in it! And I think that's something that REALLY delivers in terms of sympathy AND horror for him. Who *Wouldn't* have a great time actually fixing the universe? He's a good man who enjoys doing good works, and this is the greatest work of all!

It also Delivers on the Horror when I get to write the deliciously fun scenes where Aizen is Elbows-deep in a novel War Crime and waxing poetic about how GREAT this is, or being confused why the people around him are reacting with fear. Don't you want to make everything better too?

[burningembers91]

Crime of Passion - The Salesman x Fem!Reader (NSFW)

Follow up Piece to: Freak of Nature On Display A Game of Cat and Mouse

Synopsis: A change in circumstances puts you in danger, changing your relationship with your Grey Suited Man

Warnings: 18+ only!, this is NOT a healthy relationship, Reader is attacked, depiction of death (no main characters), rough sex

He hadn’t been able to see you today. Work had called, they had a few loose ends that needed tying up, some potential problems that needed silencing. He’d always been able to keep his work life and personal interests separate, but you… you seemed to be seeping over into every facet of his life. He was clinging to control by the skin of his teeth, desperate to bring into you line and yet so curious about just how far you could push each other. What had started as a desire to control, had slowly turned into a game of mutual torture, both of desperate to bring the other to their knees.

His schedule had been interrupted, but it had the advantage of giving him the edge. You’d be wondering why he wasn’t on the park bench today, why he wasn’t watching you as you marked your students’ papers. You’d walk home, wondering why he wasn’t behind you. You’d peek out of your curtains tonight to see his usual seat outside the restaurant vacant. You’d wonder if he’d lost interest, you’d start to doubt yourself. He couldn’t help but smile as he cleaned the blood from his favourite knife, dumping his employer’s little problem into the underground incinerator as he pondered his next move.

You were indeed wondering where your grey suited man had gone. This was the first time in months that he hadn’t been watching you. You’d learn to sense his presence, could always feel his eyes on you, no matter how large the crowd. But today, there was nothing; he was nowhere to be seen. You wondered what you’d done to drive him away. Had you teased him too much? Had he grown tired of not being given what he wanted? You held back tears as you graded your student’s work, being unnecessarily harsh in your marking today. You didn’t want to take it out on the kids, but you usually channelled any frustrations into teasing your mysterious stalker, and today you couldn’t do that.

You stayed at the coffee house until closing, which was unheard for you. You just wanted to wait a little longer, to see if he’d been held up. but he never showed. Finally, feeling downtrodden and a little heartbroken, you made the journey home. he had an unfair advantage over you. Mr Grey Suit knew everything about you, but you knew nothing about him. he’d be able to find you, but you were at his mercy, forced to wait until he came to you. you bumped shoulders with passersby, anger boiling in your veins as you wondered why you were no longer good enough. You didn’t seem to be good enough for anyone, not your ex, not your boss, not even your fucking parents. You were a nobody, once again. Thrown away by the one person who injected some dangerous excitement into the mundanity of your simple existence.

***

It was getting late. The coffee house was closed by the time he arrived, and you were nowhere in sight. He’d told himself he’d go straight home after work, that he’d let you wonder about his absence until tomorrow. But you were a drug he couldn’t kick, seeping into his veins and sinking your claws into the atoms of his brain. He was desperate to see you, to watch you tease him through your living room window. Maybe tonight he’d venture upstairs, make you scream for him as he finally took what was his. He hurried along through the busy streets, fighting the urge to run. One day without you was driving him insane, like an addict desperate for his next fix. He’d have you tonight, one way or the other, the consequences be damned.

***

You were approaching your apartment, your footsteps slow. You didn’t want to go home, didn’t want to spend the night alone. Even though you were the only person in your apartment, your grey suited man was always nearby. But not tonight. For the first time in months, you were truly alone. That’s when you felt it; a presence behind you. But not the presence of your mysterious man; he usually set your whole body on fire. Whoever this was, they made your skin crawl. You could hear their breath behind you, hard and laboured. You could smell the sweat and stale alcohol seeping through their pores. Whoever this was, they meant you harm.

***

He’d started to jog now, his patience wearing thin. He needed to see you, needed to breathe your scent, needed to see the gleam in those perfect eyes of yours. As he rounded the corner to your apartment, the hairs on the back of his neck stood to attention. Something was wrong; he could smell the fear in the air. He heard a scuffle from the alleyway, a muffled scream, and rounded the corner faster than lightning. You were one the floor, a man on top of you. You scratched and clawed at his face, kicking out with your legs but he was too strong; you were helpless. He was usually so calm and collected, but he wasn’t himself when he was with you.

The knife was in his hand before he had time to think, his long strides closing the gap between him and your attacker. With one swift motion, he stuck his arm out, grabbing the man by the scruff of his neck. the sound of your attacker’s skull hitting the concrete reverberated off the brick walls of the buildings, followed swiftly by the sound of metal slicing through flesh. He stabbed the man, again and again, the blood landing on his face, hands and suit. He heard your attacker’s life leave his body, the last blood-filled gurgles as he clung to his pathetic existence. He didn’t stop his assault until you pulled him away. “He’s dead,” you pleaded, your eyes wild with shock. Your dress was torn, exposing your bra and midriff. Your chest rose and fell heavily, the shock of what you’d just witnessed taking its toll on your delicate nervous system. “Are you hurt?” he asked, gripping your face in between his blood-soaked hands. He was the only one who got to touch you like that, who got to see you at your most vulnerable. The animal lying on the floor didn’t deserve you; no one did, expect him.

“You saved me,” you stammered, your hands atop his, your eyes blazing into his very soul. His face was caked in blood, but to you he’d never looked more handsome. This wasn’t how he’d imagined things going, but he needed you right this very moment. One more second without you and he feared it may kill him.

Your lips crashed together in a frenzy, the iron taste of your attacker’s blood mingling with your mixed salvia. Your tongues fought for control, your hands tearing at each other’s clothes. You backed towards your apartment door, careful to stick to the shadows. There was so much blood, so much carnage sprayed on your grey suited man, and you couldn’t risk him being taken from you. You don’t remember making it to your apartment door. There was only you, and him and everything else in the world ceased to exist. He tore at your clothes, ripping your already broken dress from your body. You cried out at the fabric was pulled from your body, watched as he used the bloodstained knife to slice through the underwire of your bra. “You’re mine,” he growled, trailing the tip of the knife down your ribs and across your stomach. Your breathing was jagged as he sliced through the thin fabric of your underwear, leaving you fully exposed before him.

“Lie down,” he instructed, removing his suit jacket and folding it neatly across your chair. You did as you were told, your heart hammering so loudly in your chest you wondered if it might burst straight through your skin. “Spread your legs,” he instructed, smiling when he noticed how wet you were already. You were wet for him, and only him. Your pathetic little whimpers as you waited for him to mount you were heavenly, your feeble attempts at begging making him rock hard. He took his time removing his clothes, making sure his eyes never left yours. He heard you moan as you took in his form, his hard cock standing to attention. He was having trouble restraining himself, was finding it difficult to maintain control. Perhaps, just this once, he could let his guard down.

You both cried out as he entered you, your nails scratching the skin of his back with such ferocity that blood welled to the surface. You both fought for control, your animalistic moans seeping through the thin walls of your apartment. Teeth grazed lips, nails welted the skin, the both of you so desperate and hungry for the mix of pain and pleasure. You shook against him, a mix of adrenaline and desire, you skin so delicate against his. He fucked you into your mattress, slamming into you again and again until he heard the bed slats give way. No matter, he’d simply buy you a new bed, the best money could buy.

When you came, tears streaked your pretty face. It was better than anything his imagination could conjure up. Your lips were puffy, your skin red from the force in which he’d fucked you. he couldn’t hold on much longer, couldn’t deny himself the pleasure of claiming you with his very essence. You wrapped your legs around his waist as he finished inside you, pulling him close so you could take every last drop of him.

You lay in silence afterwards, your lips exploring each other, your fingers trailing down his chiselled form. Your grey suited man was everything you thought he’d be and more. you just hoped you’d be able to keep hold of him.

“I have business to attend to,” he finally said, his fingers chasing the delicate contours of your throat. The body in the alleyway would need to be moved as soon as possible. He hadn’t been careful when exacting his revenge, and mistakes led to dire consequences. “Wait,” you pleaded, as he began to dress. “I don’t even know your name.” He smiled at you, his cock hardening again as he saw the desperation in your eyes. “Patience,” he told you, scolding you as a teacher would a child.

He would see you again, very soon. You’d made it impossible to stay away. one night with you was better than a thousand nights with a thousand women. You were dependent on each other now, two people so hooked on one another that nothing could keep you apart. He had enjoyed playing with your mind, but now it was time for the real fun to begin.

[randomness-is-my-order]

i think one of the most wonderful traits of wei wuxian is how socially competent he is, which is why it always annoys me if he is mischaracterized as someone who is unaware about how those around him feel, just because of the way his relationship with lan wangji pans out in the books. the dynamic between them was extremely multifaceted and what seemed obvious to us was very rightfully NOT obvious to wei wuxian and he hardly had time to sort those feelings out, given the kind of harrowing ordeals he was going through. but that aside–the way wei wuxian’s “social competence” manifests isn’t just social courage–in that, the risk of embarassment or self-consciousness doesn’t stop his self expression–or just his general forwardness and social butterfly tendencies but also–and imo, most importantly–his perceptiveness and astute reading of people around him which comes from a deep understanding of the human social element, at the individual and the societal level.

he has full awareness of how his station is looked down upon in the cultivation world and so while others in his situation may bend or break–wei wuxian cleverly toes the line between the two until taking a stance becomes necessary. he deeply understands the ugly dynamics running within the jiang family and clan and acts accordingly–be it his prompt efforts to placate jiang cheng or his conscious silence when madame yu is in a mood or even his acceptance of the whipping in lieu of restoring stability for the clan. despite his personal biases against jin zixuan, he can recognise his bravery. even his scandalous move to begin undressing in the cave shows that he knows exactly what would make lan wangji tick.

hell, i’d say even his initial thought about how the resentment of the dead can be redirected towards a target shows his striking comprehension of how emotions work in general. what’s more, he’s able to recognise the machinations nie huaisang had employed and he was also aware of the bigger picture associated with how fickle and easily swayed mob mentality was when everyone took part in bashing jin guangyao when certain truths came to light. when he was first brought back to life, he quickly and correctly deduced what kind of life mo xuanyu must have led and how he could act in order to easily humiliate the mo family. he empathised with jin ling and yet realised how he was brought up left something to be desired and so, tried to inculcate some of his own highly regarded values to him.

the deft manner in which he handled the juniors speaks for itself–a good teacher will always have good communication skills and wei wuxian went above and beyond just “good”. his people skills on nighthunts are extremely helpful–his ability to make tongues loose simply by charming people is highlighted more than once. just off the top of my head–him politely appealing to jin guangshan about the wen remnants and apologising for “intruding”, him readily handing in his sword at the indoctrination camps, him suggesting to jiang cheng that he should leave the clan once he was at the burial mounds–all of this (and much much more) demonstrates wei wuxian’s competence at guaging complex social dynamics, which is why, when he goes against the current and stands firm, it is a deliberate, well thought out decision, one made after considering the risks and repercussions, and that makes wei wuxian’s stance at the end that much more powerful. he is not stumbling his way through life, is not unheeding of his social status, is not a “mad genius with poor social skills”. hell, i would say wei wuxian’s ability to see straight through people is more impressive than even his insane intellect and to reduce that aspect of him feels like a disservice to his character. because when it comes down to it, the fact of the matter is that the murky social world through wei wuxian’s lens is actually astonishingly clear.

[artinventor]

Ok let’s break it down shall we:

In season 4-5 I could already see the shipping potential with the concept of an angel pulling a faithless man out of hell, and said angel who is a robotic soldier suddenly starts to feel emotion after interacting more and more with said man.

Insane foundation already but I did think of how castiel seemed to already have a fascination with humanity after I saw his chat with uriel at the park where he tells dean that not only does he think all humans are works of art but that he already has doubts in heaven and in his absent father. Dean IS the one to inspire him to ultimately rebel and discover free will but I could excuse it as mainly a personal journey that you could certainly just say is a budding friendship. Setting aside the fact that they would constantly look at each other for long moments in a really charged way (for castiel I could say he’s a cosmic being that is unfamiliar with social norms or human emotion so staring intensely can be a byproduct of that but I don’t have an excuse for dean’s reactions to it, you can tell he wants to be threatened but my guy looked enraptured, if not ignited by it)

It wasn’t until season 6 and the episode The Man Who Would Be King that the “oh they’re so gay” hit me.

You’re telling me that this angel has been around for eons, witnessed the creation of everything on earth and observed it’s many big events, but did not start to feel emotion or act out until he met dean?? And he champions dean’s mission of free will even when he doesn’t fully understand it himself when the other angels ask him. I can say this is still apart of his personal journey but at this point I cannot deny that dean is the one that really spearheaded it forward. He starts a whole war in heaven so that he can maintain dean’s mission and so that his sacrifice (his brother) was not for nothing. The fact that cas’ bad decisions were all based on the fact that he just didn’t want Dean to be involved because he was finally retired and at peace so he had no one else to turn to except crowley. He really cares about dean’s happiness THAT much, that is a mighty intense feeling to have for someone to me.

Then they emphasize the fact that dean is the one who feels the most betrayed by cas after struggling to even accept it in the first place. There’s a lot of intensity within the dialogue in the scene they confront him about it, and they’re sure to give me a close up on only dean to make sure I know how he feels about it. The eye contact in that scene really goes crazy because there was so much there on a deeper level, It was like you could see how they both realized the betrayal was breaking the trust between them but they were still wanting to hang on to that connection because it was something they both cherished, the way dean looked back before leaving? Insane.

That episode was the main hit for me, but it was largely mainly on castiel’s end. The main hit from dean’s end for me was when I saw the purgatory flashbacks in season 8.

In season 7 it seemed to me that dean was very effected by cas’ death and handled it in the classic dean winchester way of internalizing it all, but we get lines here and there about how bothered he is by it whenever his concerning behavior is somewhat addressed. Before Cas even had a chance to redeem himself after what he did, Dean seems to have already forgiven him, defending him once cas re-gains his lost memory and says he deserved to die. This showed me that the connection they had meant as much to dean as it did to cas.

And he really shows how much it means to him with how he fights tooth and nail to get cas out of purgatory. Cas literally disappeared once they got there, making it look like he abandoned dean, and then actively ran away from dean because he thought he belonged there. Yet dean was so insane that he hunted down cas’ location, caught up with him and dragged him to that portal. He literally had a way out that he chose to ignore until he found castiel, and was willing to die to get him out. Dean very desperately wants cas to be around when he gets out, he did not like how it felt when he previously wasn’t. Again, that is a mighty intense feeling to have for someone to me. Especially with how his memory literally changed what happened because he couldn’t handle that cas was left behind??

I do think a big part of this storyline is showing how dean thinks everything and everyone is his responsibility because of the way he was raised by his father as a hunter and protector. But we’ve seen this in dean since the beginning, while not fully addressed until now, it’s not new, so the fact that they used castiel to further show this side of him is very insane. Leaving Cas in purgatory would effect nobody on the outside except Dean, Dean made it his personal mission to get that angel out even after everything he had done, and that level of intensity was another major hit on the Destiel train for me. That and the gay ass reaction dean had when cas walked out of the bathroom when he got back from purgatory???

anyway, I’m only on episode 8 of season 8 rn so that’s all I’ve seen so far.

y’all I am so sorry for years I assumed that gay ship in supernatural was just a delusion that people overanalyzed and claimed queerbait for no reason cuz I’ve seen that happen a million times but now that I’m actually watching the show they really were gay as fuck LMAOOOO

[resident-idiot-simp]

Fuck the idea of the X-Men being concerned about their Logan after hearing about the new Logan and Deadpool won't leave my head.

This Logan is so violent and feral him and Deadpool have done unspeakable things to one another and enjoy it. They HAVE to wonder if their Logan was stopping himself from doing similar stuff.

The professor had said before his thoughts were pretty dark and Jean had seen stuff that had spooked her which lead to lots of distance between them multiple times. She had admitted to others it unnerved her because of just how violent some of it was. She has worried about those he was close to because of it.

Logan had been upset after that because he couldn't help it. It was just how his brain worked.

This Logan however was so much worse. It was beyond disturbing for Jean who had told the others. After this discovery the questions started.

Did their Logan deep down think and feel this way? Was this normal or was this Logan just different? Jean could confirm that in retrospect some of this was definitely in their Logan, but it was hard to say how much.

Maybe theirs had suppressed it well enough you would have to dig to find these thoughts. This Logan was much more animal then theirs was or was it that this Logan just isn't hiding it.

Deadpool has commented on it when asked saying this Logan was less worried about being himself and he loved it. One quote that got passed around was of him saying. "He's a feral he should be acting like this it's natural, do you guys just not know that? A bit pathetic considering this is a school."

That had caused quite a bit of ruckus considering the implications. Sure ferals existed and everyone knew they were more animal then human, but with them being as rare as they were you didn't see them often. Lots of people had only heard stories about them. Hearing and experiencing were two different things and Logan had always seemed pretty tame... Or at least compared to this new one.

When questioned on how he knew how ferals were supposed to act he laughed, "I'm a merc where do you think they go when you goody two-shoes won't take them in because they're too disturbing for you?" This statement too caused a lot of upset.

Deadpool seemed to have a lot of answers If they were true or not it was hard to tell and impossible to determine considering he didn't like sharing. He was insane sure but he seemed to always be right on things he went out of his way to predict or point out.

Someone eventually asked if the old Logan was the same, which had (for the first time the X-Men head ever seen) silenced him. It took him a while as he thought over the question before answering.

"Yes and no, no because If you train yourself out of habits and thought processes they usually die down. However if he just didn't stop himself he would be the exact same. Which honestly would have been better."

When asked to explain why exactly it would be better to be like the new Logan, Deadpool had looked...sad.

"Are you telling me you would rather live a life that's not really you? To be inauthentic just to fit other people's ideals? To change yourself so much that you become practically unrecognizable to the person you were?"

Silence followed that as wide eyes took in wisdom from the unlikely source.

"That's a sad life to live knowing everyone likes that inauthentic version of you better. That you can never be yourself and are shamed when you try to be. That's a damn travesty."

No one knew how to respond and Deadpool had just shrugged, "That's not a life I'd want to live, that I'd want anyone to live." He threw in before walking off to find his Logan and daughter who....oh...was that why Laura always seemed to hate this place?

[aropride]

fascinated and distressed by chase's disordered relationship with sexuality + his emotions abt his own trauma & abuse

thru the beginning of the show he doesn't even realize he's hot despite being objectively attractive. when he finds out he's hot he then realizes people pretend to be interested in him as a person in order to have sex with him and gets super upset about it

he starts having a bunch of meaningless sex as a coping mechanism when cameron leaves him. and also a lot of other times. whenever something bad happens, basically, he starts going out with a bunch of women, just to feel something, presumably

^to the extent where hes known within the hospital as a slut. and has had sex with an insane amount of nurses. as well as presumably women who are not at his place of work.

he says doing this made him hate himself so he stopped. it's the b-plot for an episode and then he's back having meaningless sex again by the end of the episode

even his coworkers know this about him. and have called it out, masters even says she thinks he doesn't respect women bc, in her words, he's with a different one every few days or maybe he finds comfort in meaningless relationships

goes back to having meaningless sex within weeks of getting stabbed. which is really bad for wound healing reasons too. genuinely it seems like such compulsive behavior for him considering he keeps doing it even when its objectively not only a bad idea but actively dangerous

house even directly says he's "a serial slut" because he's "terrified of intimacy." incredibly accurate assessment

his relationship with his sexuality reads so heavily as someone who thinks they're not good for anything else

see also: dissociation & avoidance

we know he has a lot of trauma especially in childhood- he never really gets into it let alone into how he Feels about it but what we know is already bad & that's just the stuff he's okay with sharing with his coworkers or patients

in general he's very avoidant of his own trauma- when he gets stabbed he says he "can't change what happened, can only make better choices from here" as if it was his own fault, and refuses thru the whole episode to acknowledge that being traumatized by this would be a really normal reaction that he is definitely having. instead he just blames himself

also, he dissociates from traumatic things that happen to him - says "there was a stabbing" rather than "i was stabbed" for instance

when he's talking abt his childhood trauma he does it in a very similar way - he talks about it very bluntly and doesn't ever get into how he actually feels about it.

see also: dr. fawn response

general passive willingness to go along with anything- when cameron says they should have sex in s3 he's surprised and then he just kinda goes along with it. not bc he didn't want to bc he obviously did, but he's just generally very much someone who does whatever other people want him to do. i feel like he and cameron both tend to seek validation thru sex in an unhealthy way that i'm still gnawing on like a dog with a bone i have to go rewatch s3 to really articulate it though

he has a sort of desperation for praise and approval especially from anyone he views as an authority figure. he does whatever authority figures tell him out of this idea that it'll bring him approval and therefore safety

like no matter what house does or says to him he doesn't argue or retaliate or anything. even when house punches him he collapses on the ground in pain and then just keeps talking about the patient like nothing happened.

the scene in 3.10 after house punches him where he's in the ddx room and house walks in and throws the file at him and chase is startled and tries to pretend he's not. and he looks up with this huge fuck ass bruise on his jaw swallows heavily and pretends not to be upset. and house asks if he got that looked at as if he wasn't the one to give it to him and chase just swallows and says he's fine. dr fawn response :(

[twopoppies]

Gina, I want to tell you I have been reading your blog for a couple years now. I’ve never sent an ask to anyone. I first came into the fandom when I watched Harrychella and I thought hmm this man isn’t just flagging he is screaming at the top of his lungs. Then I watched the Cosmic Leeds videos and I fell down a rabbit hole. I am not someone who believes “conspiracy theories”. I am however old enough to know closeting has been proven to exist in the entertainment industry. I’m also from a rural area of the U.S. where homophobia is the norm, so unfortunately I had no trouble believing closeting still exists. I went into full information gathering mode about Larry Stylinson, but it was more than that too. I fell in love with 1D and all the boys’ solo work, especially Louis. I loved his voice, his songwriting, and his ‘real’ personality (when he allowed it to shine through all the media training). I read through every tumblr I could, you and Daisie provided a wealth of information that can not be ignored. I feel certain that Larry was real and I hope they are still together. I’m not one of those people who never doubted. It would be hard not to second guess things in this fandom with all the gaslighting that goes on. I write all of this to say that I’ve never felt so sad and like there is no hope for change as I do right now. It feels like Louis’ fandom is falling apart. There is so much division, hate, and intolerance of any idea that doesn’t conform to someone’s own. Louis pr strategy honestly baffles me. A divided fandom is so tiring. It seems less like pr and more like intentional sabatoge, which I guess it could be. I just don’t see any way out for him or Harry. I think Harry’s extended break is partly because of this too. I think he was overworked and emotionally drained for many reasons, but closeting most of all is exhausting. If I’m feeling this way as a fan I can’t imagine how they must be feeling. It breaks my heart. Sometimes I hope I am crazy and Larry was never real because the story is just too sad. Don’t even get me started on bbg because it is the shittiest situation ever. I think I need to take a step back from the fandom for a bit. But this brings me to my point. I’m pretty resilient, I can not be the only person feeling this way. It makes me so worried for Louis’ career and for both Louis and Harry’s mental health. I guess I don’t really have an ask. I just wanted to say thank you for all the information you have provided over the years. And, I needed to get this off my chest. If I posted this on twitter I would be roasted and I’m not strong enough for that right now. I meant it when I said I fell in love with their music, so I will continue to support all the boys. I’m hoping there is a master plan that will eventually set them free. But, I just keep coming back to the line

‘Said I had a plan for us Time had came and changed it all We had to disappear 'Cause nothing gets through here’

I will add one more thing. I believe there are more Larries than people think, but we are tired of the gaslighting and the hate, so many of us step back or hide. This is why the industry wins most of the time. 😥

Hi, sweetheart. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I'm sorry it feels so overwhelming right now. I do think taking a step back is probably really healthy for most of us. I've actually never seen the fandom in such shambles.

I don't know what Louis' plan is in terms of his fandom or his future plans. But I have dozens and dozens of sad, confused, and angry messages in my inbox, and that fucking sucks. I really don't see a way forward at the moment. I will say, though, that some of the upset stems from some people's tendency to lean into worst-case scenarios and amplify their own worries by jumping to conclusions. Then there are the shit-stirrers who try to make things worse by sending in fake receipts or theories. It's hard to stay grounded when there's insanity whirling around you.

As for Harry and Louis, I do tend to believe they're still together. I don't think their relationship has been as easy as many of us would like to believe – I don't think it could be, given their ages when they met and the conditions they've had to live with. I do think they're soulmates... soulmates don't always end up together, but I tend to think these two will make it. I certainly hope they do.

Our fandom never does well when the boys aren't active. I think if you want to get your sanity back, now is as good a time as any.

[doodler16]

LONGGG ask ahead.

I feel like Viv just doesn’t understand sex outside of funny haha bdsm ‘daddy’ jokes.

Especially the Helluva short where Blitzo says he’s a top and therefore is bad at oral. What?????? That’s not how it works???? I wish I had more examples but I think the general vibe of sex only being used for power dynamics is present in both HH and HB. Blitzo’s sa threat to moxie (and millie) in an early episode, the way Stolas cheating with a lower class imp is first used to show that he’s a bad guy and that blitzo is desperate BUT this is later almost retconned to make it into a cutesy toxic yaoi love story and cheating is suddenly okay. Fizz and Ozzie’s relationship I just can’t take seriously when it’s reduced Fizz into a sub gay twink stereotype (‘pwease big daddy?’ Ughhh stfu). Side tangent but I was so happy to see representation of a disabled person with agency and success, until he started being babied by the narrative and acts totally different especially in the Mammon episode. They make Mammon look bad for sexualising Fizz and bodyshaming, which is a good message about toxic bosses, until you remember that Blitzo has done that and much worse to his employees.

This is just as bad in HH, the Angel and Val thing is just disturbing. Like I can forgive slightly bad writing but hiring a known proshipper with an SA kink to storyboard the scenes of a SA VICTIM BEING ABUSED is fucking insane. Viv doesn’t care about representation, kink isn’t just about being edgy and dangerous during sex and it feels like she just doesn’t understand the history behind it. Making the sin of lust himself say he cares about consent just to make your character look good (because she suddenly decided she wanted him to be a dom sugar daddy instead of an actual bad guy), but then you also approve of showing SA in your shows as a joke, especially when it’s used against characters that are seen as more pathetic (moxxie and sir pentious). Vivz gets off to negative power dynamics and seems to fetishise abuse of power. Pretty obvious considering the disturbing SA scene playlist she had on her old YouTube channel.

Also Stolas is like a textbook r*pist imo, the self pitying and ‘well I WANTED it to be consensual!’ And whatever. When you’re in that position of power you have a responsibility to not abuse that. At the start of the show it was fine because they weren’t trying to make a moral message or paint him as a good guy, but clearly they had to retcon so much just to make it work when they wanted him to be a innocent twink. The retcon to make Stolas and Blitzo childhood friends, making Stolas a desperate poor baby who doesn’t know how to communicate and he actually ALWAYS totally loved Blitzo. Sure. But really if you just watch the show without any background knowledge, Stolas looks like a creep. And Viv had to justify everything Stolas did while making Blitzo, the victim in this dynamic, into the bad guy who totally also loves Stolas (despite clearly not being into him until they wanted to change things in the end of s1) and he’s in the wrong for disliking the upper class demons who mistreat them.

Viv seems to see kink as consensual abuse in a way. She doesn’t understand how sexual dynamics work. And she fetishises toxic relationships without thinking critically of what she’s really saying. Double standards between SA jokes and SA storylines. I’d even say that making Val a character people can get attached to and buy merch of is kinda icky, because yes irl r*pists can be charming to others, but clearly Viv wasn’t saying anything interesting with his character’s portrayal. She just wanted someone to abuse her favourite OC and make sure her close proship friends can get off to it while disregarding how victims may respond to it.

It’s a sort of conservative way of seeing kink culture and queer culture in general imo. The p*rn industry has already normalised fetishising abusive power dynamics but against women much more often. Viv is just doing that but between two male characters instead. Also did Chaggie get any sort of sexual stuff idk. I don’t think so, I can hardly remember any f/f relationships in her work.

Sorry for the long rant I just have so many thoughts on it ahh and I wanna see if people agree and have more in depth talk on it. Viv stop letting your p*rn addiction ruin your show 💔

Vivziepop shouldn’t be surprised when people meme on her when it comes to her lame sex and swearing jokes 😭 There is a lot of it that you can make a complication video of it.

Short 2 “Mission Antarctica” was so dumb especially with Blitzø and the crystal. “I’ve never been good at this shit.” That such a lie, when has Blitzø sucked at lust? Especially when the show goes out of its way to establish that Blitzø not only scored a literally pop star, a goetia prince, and hundreds of hellborn who were at Verosika’s party complaining about him.

Yeah, you are right Anon. Thats not how it works, just because you are a top doesn’t mean you are automatically bad at oral sex and doesn’t help how they establish Blitzø to be this attractive person who is able to get most people or use his charms as an advantage in a tough situation. I know this scene is a joke but Blitzø easily could’ve accessed the crystal.

The fact that Blitzø gets away with sexual assaulting and threatening Moxxie and by extension Millie is insane. He never actually apologizes to them and proceeds to call out Mammon for doing similar things he did to Moxxie and Millie. And it never crosses Blitzø’s mind or forces him to realize that he’s a hypocrite too.

Don’t get me wrong that scene where Blitzø defends Fizzarolli from Mammon multiple times is sweet but at the same time why should I take it seriously when it used as a punchline for a character like Moxxie. It’s the same issue with Angel Dust and Sir Pentious.

Vivziepop wants us, the audience to emphasize and sympathize with Angel Dust getting raped and abused by Valentino. But in the same breath makes a joke about Sir Pentious getting raped off screen and some fans making excuses that “it’s Hell.” At this point, why should I care about Angel Dust’s situation if some people are willing to let a scene like this slide.

I mean Vivziepop was arguing with a bunch of SA survivors on Instagram Threads about episode 4 of Hazbin Hotel (before the full episode got out). 😂

Fizzarolli and Ozzie are something to say the least. Their relationship can be summed up by “Sugar daddy Ozzie dominates wittle Fizzarolli.” They had a joke at the end of Mammon special episode that Ozzie tops Fizzarolli, that’s how un-subtle they are about their dynamic.

I like Fizzarolli and somewhat latch on to him and relate to him regarding his disability but the man (who is in his 30s) is babied and coddled especially by Ozzie that I unironically miss his edge and fierceness from season 1. That Stoliz childhood plot was so useless, then meeting as a children made the Stoliz ship unironically look worse and was useless. You aren’t slick Vivziepop, I see you with the children Stoliz merch, trying to make it look like they were friends when in reality they aren’t. 😂

No Anon, Chaggie didn’t have any sexual content in season 1 compared to ships like Ozzie/Fizz and Stoliz. Even Millie/Moxxie and Valentino/Vox had more “spicy” content than Chaggie. The closest thing Chaggie did was have a soft kiss on the lips in episode 8. Apparently, in season 2 something “fun” and “spicy” will happen between Chaggie.

[airybcby]

Hi there!! I absolutely adore your more than a married couple event!! Could I maybe ask one for Otoya eita with 🍓 and 🍰?? Good day to you!!

hi!! ofc!

an eita otoya strawberry shortcake :)

જ⁀♡⊹｡° when i look into your eyes

♡ a/n — for my more than a married couple event :)

♡ content — eita otoya x gn! reader, gn! reader, oblivious reader, flirty! otoya , readers feelings are so obvious it's insane, slight teasing, unrequited love kinda?, set in a high school

♡ synopsis — everyone loves otoya eita, you included. Unlike everyone else, though, you wanted something more serious.

When you first saw Otoya’s name next to yours on the partner list, your heart stopped for a moment.

It wasn’t a surprise—he was the kind of person people gravitated toward. His easygoing personality and playful smirk made him a magnet for attention.

But for you, Otoya had always been more than that.

For years, you’d watched him from the sidelines, quietly nursing feelings that you knew would never be returned.

He dated casually, laughing about it in the group chat or in person, but it never lasted long. Commitment didn’t seem to suit him, and you told yourself that was why you never confessed.

Not because you were scared, not because you were certain of rejection—but because someone like Otoya wasn’t built for love the way you wanted it.

Living with him for the simulation, however, meant the walls you’d carefully built around yourself started to crumble.

“Yo, roomie,” he said with a grin as he carried his bags into your shared apartment. “Guess we’re married now, huh?”

You rolled your eyes, trying to ignore the way his voice sent a shiver down your spine. “It’s just a simulation, Eita.”

“Right,” he said, dropping his bags dramatically. “But if you start falling for me, just let me know, okay? I’ll let you down easy.”

You forced a laugh, brushing past him to unpack. “Don’t flatter yourself.”

Despite his usual teasing, Otoya was surprisingly thoughtful.

He cooked dinner on nights when you were too tired, insisted on watching your favorite movies even if he hated them, and always managed to bring you snacks when you were working late on assignments for the program.

But those moments—those soft, fleeting moments—only made things harder.

Because every time he smiled at you, every time he made some offhanded comment about how easy it was to live with you, you couldn’t stop your heart from twisting painfully.

He didn’t mean it the way you wanted him to.

One evening, the two of you sat on the couch, scrolling through the program’s task list.

“Couples photo shoot tomorrow,” Otoya read aloud, leaning back lazily. “Think they’ll let me wear sunglasses? I have a reputation to protect.”

You snorted. “What reputation? Being the most annoying guy here?”

He smirked, nudging you with his shoulder. “Admit it, you’d miss me if I wasn’t around.”

You didn’t respond.

Because it was true.

And because you couldn’t admit it without giving too much away.

The photo shoot was a blur of awkward poses and forced smiles—at least for you.

Otoya, on the other hand, seemed perfectly at ease, slinging an arm around your shoulders like it was the most natural thing in the world.

“Relax,” he whispered as the photographer adjusted the lighting. “You look like you’re being held hostage.”

“I’m trying,” you muttered, your face burning.

“Here,” he said, turning toward you. “Focus on me.”

You looked up at him, startled, and for a moment, everything else faded away.

The teasing glint in his eyes was replaced with something softer, something deeper, and you felt your heart skip a beat.

“There,” he said, his voice quieter now. “Much better.”

The rest of the program passed in a blur of shared meals, late-night conversations, and moments that felt far too real for something that was supposed to be fake.

And yet, you still told yourself that none of it meant anything.

Because Otoya wasn’t the kind of person who fell in love—not the way you wanted him to.

On the final night of the simulation, the two of you sat on the balcony, a bottle of wine between you.

“To surviving this thing without killing each other,” he said, raising his glass.

You clinked your glass against his, smiling faintly. “Cheers to that.”

For a while, the two of you sat in silence, the city lights stretching out before you.

“Hey,” Otoya said suddenly, breaking the quiet. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” you said, turning to face him.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” he asked, his voice uncharacteristically serious.

Your heart stopped.

“Tell you what?” you said, feigning ignorance.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “You’re not that good at hiding it, you know. The way you look at me, the way you act around me—it’s pretty obvious.”

You opened your mouth to respond, but no words came out.

“I’m not saying this to mess with you,” he said, his tone softer now. “I just...I want to know why.”

You looked away, your chest tightening. “Because it wouldn’t have mattered. You don’t feel the same way, Eita. And that’s okay.”

He was silent for a long moment, and you braced yourself for whatever he was going to say next.

“You’re wrong,” he said finally, his voice barely above a whisper.

Your head snapped up, your eyes meeting his.

“What?”

“I didn’t realize it at first,” he admitted, his gaze steady. “But spending all this time with you—seeing the way you care, the way you make everything feel a little less heavy—I think I’ve been an idiot for not noticing sooner.”

For the first time in years, hope bloomed in your chest.

Maybe, just maybe, things weren’t as one-sided as you’d thought.

very not used to giving otoya a happy ending lol this was strange

i hope you liked it!

likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated!

[asarigg]

Inside the Character's Mind: Part 5

CHILDHOOD. SLY AND KOUJAKU. THE AVOIDANT BEHAVIOR: part 2

When we get to the bad ending, the first thing that catches our attention is that it’s not Aoba’s point of view, but Koujaku’s. This is also a thing with most characters as well, but I feel like it takes a very special meaning here because it resonates with previously mentioned themes.

It’s a way of emphasizing that duality between the two of them, that deep down they are the same, and that they are always being a reflection of one another. If the whole game has been under Aoba’s perspective, why change now? Maybe it’s because he loses the ability to speak and it’s a way of telling us what he thinks and what goes through his head during the process of losing sanity, which the others, with the exception of Ren, can do. That’s another thing, when we get the bad ending in the base game we jump straight to Sly telling us how Aoba weakened and disappeared, letting him take control, and that Koujaku also lost all rationality. We assume that Koujaku completely transformed into a beast immediately after the failed Scrap, after all in all the endings when Aoba fails Scrap is when the other goes crazy, but here we learn that that is not the case.

Koujaku is able to wake up, physically drained, but still himself. He’s the first to wake up and sees his group members and Aoba by his side, still worried that he might be dead, that he might have killed him. Platinum Jail guards then come and start taking everyone away.

When he sees that they are taking Aoba away, he tries to call his name, but his throat is torn and his body is too weak to move. Seeing that he can do absolutely nothing to wake Aoba up, he begins to despair, knowing that nothing good can happen if they take him away. With his internal dialogues we can see how far the obsession and desperation goes, repeating his name non stop in his head almost maniacally, repeating his desires to protect him and stop them from taking him no matter what, even if that means his own death or something worse, as long as Aoba is safe.

It’s not Scrap, but these thoughts that really drive him insane. His obsession with Aoba, his love for him, and his willingness to sacrifice himself to keep him safe. The person he swore to protect, his mother, died at his hands, despite all the love she had given him, betraying her in a way. This trauma is extremely shocking to him, and I think you can understand how deep is the shock and terror he feels at the thought of harming Aoba in any shape or form, only for this cycle to repeat itself again and end up doing something unforgivable to Aoba at Glitter. All he could think was that he intended to kill himself when he betrayed his mother, and he would do the same (and kill Ryuuhou in the way since he hurt Aoba too) now that he betrayed Aoba, because a monster like him can’t stay, thinking about what could happen if he lost control again terrifies him.

It almost seems like he’s letting the tattoo consume him just to use its power and free Aoba, that’s all that matters now.

Despite this, he won’t turn into a beast yet, as he later wakes up inside a cell. When Aoba arrives we see him completely changed, his personality and his appearance. We know he’s Sly/Desire, but Koujaku doesn’t even know he exists yet.

Sly begins his torture, one he’s been doing ever since he took control, as this isn’t the first time Koujaku wakes up in this cell. He’s been losing and regaining consciousness constantly for who knows how long, and each time Sly tortures him to break his consciousness, his spirit, his will. He could do it with his power easily (or maybe he knows it won’t work), but he doesn’t bother, he prefers to do it with the most painful words Koujaku could ever hear. That Aoba is gone.

I feel like the reason why Scrap doesn’t affect him as much and why it takes so many tries to fully transform him into a demon is because he’s been dealing with this kind of influence and power for years, working on being able to control it, which resulted in him developing a really, really strong will and mind. Also the reason why his usual anger doesn’t make him lose control, but only his deep, rooted hatred towards Ryuuhou and his devotion, equally intense, for Aoba. Only these intense, personal feelings work against him.

Which by the way, the reason why Aoba can’t keep control is because of the tremendous anxiety and depression that comes over him knowing that he didn’t do Scrap well, constantly blaming himself for having failed him, he becomes so weak that he “becomes someone else”. I find it interesting that the main reason why they both lose their minds is for the well-being of the other. It’s more of that mirroring and parallelism we were talking about. Get a bitch as devoted as this. In a way, they are both captives of themselves, in their own bodies. How poetic.

Sly even tells him that he isn’t completely gone, that he’s still there, but that he’ll beat him up until he’s practically dead, out of revenge, while grinning and laughing out loud, just to take advantage of that little hope left that Aoba will return back to normal to crush him and let it drive him crazy again, because he knows that Koujaku will try to talk to him, that he’ll try to do anything to save him, he knows that his desperation and his love for him will do the rest. He even lets Aoba out for a few seconds, to which Koujaku can only respond by screaming his name while chains pull his body back. Notice how they refer to the beast as an entity, it’s not just the tattoo transforming him, it’s someone else.

There is one thing I want to comment on and it’s that many people over the years have taken this interaction as pure hatred and many times it’s considered that they would basically hate each other even in a good ending, mostly by having Koujaku hating Sly for not being the cute kid he knew (lol). But Sly doesn’t scare him, he’s not intimidated, even if he doesn’t know he exists, of course, always being aware of the limits his violent actions should reach. I feel like Koujaku would sympathize a lot with him in case of meeting him normally, he doesn’t judge his violence, he uses it too, and in his head Sly wouldn’t be worse of a monster than him, as he continuously blames himself for what "he did", no matter what.

One of the key points of his route is acceptance, Aoba accepts Koujaku as he is, and Koujaku accepts him as he is, and that includes Sly. If Aoba accepts that inner “demon” inside Koujaku, he’d do the same with Aoba’s. Beast Koujaku and Sly are equivalent. Also, we can’t forget that the context of the good ending and the bad ending are completely different, with Koujaku chained in a cell while Sly is torturing him. There is no possible reality in which Koujaku could not despise him or go mad with rage after that. I could hardly call it hatred at all, anyway, or at least not in the purest sense.

There’s a line Ryuuhou says in one of Koujaku’s memories that appears when he’s losing control of his body that I think sums it up pretty well, although it varies depending on the translation, because one takes the liberty of using an expression I doubt it’s translated the same in Japanese. The important thing is to keep in mind the comparison of hate and love. It resonates a lot with what one feels in some kind of abusive relationship when someone is extremely dependent on the other person or have been together for so long, or both. If you add knowing that the other person isn’t really bad, but external conditions are the ones that shaped that relationship it’s even harder to make a logical decision. You know it’s wrong, that you would be better off without it, but somehow, you can’t let it go. I feel like this is something specially relatable with familiar relationships, with parents/mentors/whoever raises you.

Koujaku keeps within him an intense love and hate alike, to the point of obsession for both. His love for Aoba is what condemns him. So does his hatred.

He seems to hate Sly, but it’s impossible to separate it from his love. If Koujaku really hated him for that, in the purest form of the word, he would have already tried to kill him, it’s something that Sly himself wonders when he bites him. He could perfectly sink his teeth in a little more and it would be over. Death would be merciful for both of them. His lips can no longer kiss him, so he bites him instead. To a certain degree Koujaku still has something in him capable of thinking, rationalizing even if just a little. In this state, Koujaku still loves him, he prefers to stay by his side as a slave, as much as it hurts him, because losing him is an even worse option. Deep down, no matter how much harm Sly does to him, he is incapable of hating him. As long as Aoba breathes, Koujaku will be there.

[1caru]

My time has come >:)

Disclaimer: I'm gonna ramble about Twilight Princess Link, but we aren't gonna touch the manga because the manga is wrong about him and I am right :)

Every detail of Link's story and character in this game is tied so deeply to the concept of twilight, of limbo, of the space between places and times and the powers that rule the land and it drives me utterly insane with how good it is. Even at the very beginning of the game, before Midna and the twilight and the adventure, Link exists in this middle space. His house stands alone in the path between his village of Ordon and the kingdom of Hyrule, perhaps a symbol of his possible role as village guard. He has a close bond to Ordon, of course. The villagers all love and respect him; Rusl, Uli, and Colin in particular seem to act as Link's adoptive family. They've likely cared for him since he was quite young, judging by the drawing they keep pinned to the wall of their house.

Now, for the longest time, I assumed that Colin drew this picture, since the taller kid here has the same bowlcut he does. However, if you look closely, that kid has another detail that Colin doesn't. In fact, there is only one person in Ordon who has this detail.

That taller kid has Link's pointed ears.

(Fun fact, this also means that Link canonically had a bowlcut as a kid, so all that art you may have seen of baby Ordon Link is wrong XD)

Anyway, I don't know about you, but a single Hylian boy living in a treehouse in a village of non-Hylians in the southern woods of Hyrule sounds awfully familiar, doesn't it? This is a surprise tool that will hurt us later :)

Link himself doesn't seem to be bothered by the differences between him and the other Ordonians. In fact, some official sources tell us that he is next in line for the position of mayor once Bo retires. He clearly feels right at home here, content to spend his days working alongside the adults and playing with the kids. He, of course, does not quite fit into either of these age groups. Always in the middle. Never quite belonging. But still, Ordon is home.

Ordon is home, at least, until the twilight strikes. In one afternoon, Link has his family stolen from him by King Bulblin, he is taken captive by shadow beasts, he is forcibly and painfully transformed into a wolf, and Midna recruits him to help her take on Zant. And then, when he finally manages to return to Ordon, still trapped in his wolf form, Midna tells him to find a sword and shield for her. Your only option for accomplishing this is to steal from your family.

So Link sneaks into Ordon under the cover of night. Every villager he comes across, every friend and mentor, either runs from him or attacks him. His adoptive father, Rusl, doesn't see Link in the light of the torch he wields. He only sees a wolf. He only sees a monster.

(Ready for another fun fact? There are unused animations in the game for Rusl falling down after being attacked. At some point in development, Nintendo wanted you to leap at Rusl and steal the Ordon sword directly off of him instead of sneaking into his house to get it. In the final game, you can later find Rusl lying injured on the couch in his living room with his wife Uli caring for him. She says he was attacked by "monsters". Imagine seeing that and knowing exactly who did that to him.)

Later, when you return to Ordon in human form in order to get the iron boots from the mayor, you have the option to also tell the villagers that you have found their kids safe and sound in Kakariko Village. They are overjoyed at the news, and thank you profusely for telling them and for working to protect said kids. For a moment, it's as if things have gone back to how they used to be. Everyone looks at you with happiness and love, not fear and hatred. Then, you speak to Uli. Like the others, she thanks you for giving her the news about the kids. But, when you turn to leave, as you reach for the doorknob, she says one last thing.

You never get to tell her the truth. Perhaps Link can't bring himself to do so.

From this point on, a wedge has been driven between Link and Ordon. You don't notice it very often. Link still fights primarily to save the kidnapped Ordonian children. He is still shown to enjoy spending time with everyone in the village. He is devastated to learn of Ilia's amnesia, and he works hard to restore her memories. At the same time, however, he is on a journey with Midna. A journey full of both wonders and dangers that the Ordonians could not understand. He grows closer to Midna and decides to fight for her kingdom as well as Hyrule and Ordon. Perhaps the history of the Twili and their banishment from Hyrule resonates with him now. Outcasts, just like him.

He also meets the Hero's Shade, Ganondorf, the Light Spirits, and Zelda. Each of these characters represents Hyrule and the destiny that Link was literally born for. But the Hero's Shade and Ganondorf are from a time long passed, an old conflict that far predates Link. Even the Light Spirits and Zelda, while they belong to the same time period that Link does, are still linked to the past (heh) either by lifespan or bloodline. Link is left disconnected from even his own destiny.

At the end of the game, after he has saved not just the Ordonian kids but also all of Hyrule and the Twilight Realm, where do we find Link? Where does he end up? We don't know. He does return to Ordon for a little while along with the kids, but then he dons his hero's clothes again and leaves without telling anyone (except possibly Ilia). We don't know where he is headed. The last we ever see of Link is him riding off into Faron Woods.

Every time I see this, I think about the beginning of Majora's Mask. Is this Link also off to search for a way to reunite with his lost companion? Will he end up meeting a terrible fate just like his ancestor, or will he end up finding happiness instead? We never find out, but I love that after everything Link has gone through, after he fails to find true belonging in Ordon, Hyrule, or the Twilight Realm, after finding no home in either the past or the present, his choice is to pursue the future. I like to think he finally found a home somewhere.

Okay Link fans I need help. I have my Link/Zelda game that I’m specifically fixated on (that being Wind/Wind Waker), but I want to be able to write/understand other Links with the same amount of care that I give to him.

So if anyone who sees this post has a Link who is their favorite little guy (you’ve played his game(s) multiple times, you’ve made a bunch of headcanons about him, you think about him all the time, etc etc), I want to hear your perspective on that Link. I wanna know what you think his general personality is. I wanna know what you think he was like pre-journey(s). I wanna know how you think his journey(s) affected his development. I wanna know how you think the themes of his game(s) intertwine with his character. I wanna know how you view his significant relationships. And I wanna know anything else about him that you would like to share. Any information/ideas are appreciated, just absolutely go off ^_^

[slasherflicks999]

new oc/sona yaaaaaay!

oh how i wish i had all those piercings (bridge come back to me💔)

can we guess where his name came from gang (suspiciously username shaped name)

i actually really enjoy his character design and i literally color picked his color pallet from a diagram(?) that shows how a bruise heals and it worked out LMAOO sooo new character design life hack

more info and lots of general yapping about him after the break if you care to read :3 and i yap a LOT i have lots to say about him bc its been a while since i genuinely developed an oc LMAO

cw for LOTS and LOTS of talk of death if you do decide to read! just in case :3

first of all you may be thinking “5’6? short king!” and i will have you know i actually made him taller than i am irl by a few inches LMAOOO whoops t boy swag will do that to ya

anyways the thing about his color pallet being based off of that of a literal bruise IS actually relevant because he is literally immortal and is CONSTANTLY getting injured like all the time. i think conveying info about characters via their color pallets is fun and i wanna do more of it so hehe. plus green and red and purple are a nice combo and it worked out very well :3 also another little note about his design: he’s a very creative and artistic person and i wanted to show that through his clothes being somehow modified and i think i did that well too. trying to properly get back into making actually decent and thoughtful character designs so im proud of myself :3

that being said his immortality causes him a SHIT load of problems. i feel like being immortal would really suck LMAO but more-so i feel like i dont see people do much with the idea of immortality in terms of horror or at least not from what i’ve seen. like im still figuring out his lore but the basics are: he has no clue who his dad is and found out he was immortal at a somewhat young age but literally his entire life he’s been viewed as just kind of off?? like he looks human and for the most part acts it but he just has certain traits that humans…. do not have. his eyes glow in pics like a nocturnal animal’s would and his teeth are suspiciously sharp and he gets weird cravings for raw meat which he can somehow digest perfectly fine with absolutely no issue but he’s not like OVERTLY some otherworldly creature he’s just a little weird. a tad strange even. possibly even kind of unsettling depending on who you ask.

and i like to imagine these are a lot of things that were present in his childhood too, like his mother would wake up to the sound of rummaging in the kitchen and find him at the ripe old age of five just gnawing at a whole raw steak in the dark. he’s just sort of always been like that and didn’t realize it was weird until he was older. (is a lot of this used as metaphors for undiagnosed neurodiversity/mental illness? …..iii dont knowwww :3 (yes) (although not every aspect of him is a total reflection of myself, he is still his own character in many respects lolol))

but in general this ends up causing him all sorts of issues in all sorts of millions of ways. for one he has sort of a fragile sense of self because he doesn’t even know what he is?? he knows he can’t just be a regular old human because of all the previously mentioned reasons and a few more, but that aside he has no idea what he is. he also doesn’t know pretty much anything about how his immortality works beyond what he’s experienced and what the others have told him during the times when he’s “dead,” he has no idea how his aging is affected by it because he seems to be aging relatively normally so far, he has no clue if he will EVER die for good/if there’s any way to kill him, he has no idea how his body seems to heal the most insane fatal injuries as if nothing happened, and much more quickly than a normal human would, he kinda doesn’t know jack shit about himself and it pisses him off a little bit!

it also has just caused him lots of trauma as you can probably imagine. lots of dissociation everywhere he looks

moving on to how his immortality actually works: like i said there’s only so much he knows about it but this is all the info he knows so far. he CAN “die” but all of his deaths are temporary. that is to say that his body will eventually heal and regenerate itself and he will come back. it’s not like deadpool where he can get stabbed in the head and go about the rest of his day like nothing happened, he might be able to keep himself up for a while to fight back or run away but it wont be long before he drops dead for a few days or so. during said time his body outwardly does seem very dead. he’s unresponsive and still and isn’t blinking or nothing and his pupils are blown (which he already has huge pupils but yk), like if you were to just show him to someone they’d be like “yeah that’s absolutely a corpse and also why would you show this to me.” but his body is still alive in a sense, it’s just sort of… yknow when you put a computer into sleep mode?? upon first glance it’s gonna look like it’s off but inwardly things are still going on. his body is still working to regenerate itself the whole time, even if whatever he sustained that “killed” him would very much not be healable or survivable by any normal person. in his POV, he just sort of gets knocked out for a while and then wakes up exhausted and sore and absolutely FAMISHED. like he could easily eat a horse without any exaggeration the boy can eat.

he’s also always been interested in horror and the supernatural and crime and shit and is largely desensitized to that sort of stuff from that + experiencing a lot of different deaths himself bc of the whole immortality thing paired with him being generally reckless when he was younger because what’s it gonna do? kill him? (“what’re you gonna do, jeff the kill me?” -him at jeff moments before being stabbed, probably) he says he doesn’t care but it actually effects him deeply in ways he doesn’t understand for a while. as he gets older he becomes less reckless and doesn’t throw himself into dangerous situations as often.

all that being said he’s not necessarily all that dangerous himself?? he carries his dagger around with him for protection or cutting up meat and apples or woodcarving more than anything and as a proxy he works a lot more as just an… observer. despite his name he’s not really all for the killing people stuff if he can help it unlike many of the others, if anything his name more so refers to the fact that HE’S usually the one getting slashed up. (it’s actually just bc of my username but shhhhhh) but generally he much prefers to be in the background keeping watch or scoping things out or just sort of… stalking people basically. dont ask me how he manages to be stealthy in THAT outfit… he manages somehow i swear 😔

but yknow overall he’s not an incredible threat to most people, the “creepy” part of him being a creepypasta comes a lot more just from how much it would suck to be in his shoes as just a guy who happens to be immortal but still able to experience the pain of death over and over again. he isn’t the creepy thing as much as his entire life experience is LOL. usually he’s just unsettling and disturbing at most.

he also has a VERY complex relationship with BEN in my AU specifically (WHICH RANDOM DISCLAIMER TIME: NOT THE LITTLE 12 YEAR OLD VERSION NOOOOO EW my au’s BEN is like a combo of “fanon” him and behavioral event network he is not 12 years old and i dont want him being shipped with anything NEAR that version of him, ONLY my AU’s version who is 19. im not a freak. 💔 they’re not a couple anyway (BEN🤝slasher -> being aro) but i did wanna preface that just in case bc im not trying to get misinterpreted like that) might write more about that sometime… bc their relationship has a lot of symbolism and complexity bc BEN is my fav character ever period and yes i am gonna write him and my self insert oc as being incredibly deeply intertwined bc i love him and cringe culture can kick rocks and therapy is difficult to get :3 oc x canon shippers platonic or romantic yall will always be safe on my blog frfr

im gonna post more about BEN soon too…. literally working on actually making a proper design for him rn which is mostly just difficult bc i cannot for the life of me think of what to give this freak to wear. i need them to serve cunt but like….. how do i do that 💔💔 that one BEN design i reblogged that gave him the adorable little heels….. absolutely genius………. u know who u are :3

more random rapid fire fun facts about him bc why not: he loves piercings and tattoos and body mods bc they heal so easily for him, he has his tongue split! (NEEEED to do one day actually my dream body mod), his immortality doesn’t seem to effect his ability to get sick which he HATES but when he does get sick it only lasts for a day or so and he’s a total drama queen the whole time, he loves to sew (though only by hand, he’s genuinely afraid of sewing machines) and will patch up or modify clothes for his friends or other proxies if they ask, his favorite kind of raw meat is boar, and his favorite cooked meat is a tie between pork (boar or domestic pig) and chicken, he wears his headphones most of the time bc he loves music and sounds can sometimes overstimulate him, and BEN can talk to him through them because of course he can, he loves animals and actually has way more empathy for them than for humans, and he absolutely LOVES medical dramas and does not care that a lot of the actual medical parts are inaccurate he will eat them up. he WILL be caught staying up until 6am watching chicago med and he will not apologize.

ANYWAY i think that’s about it actually. if anyone actually read all my ramblings…. i love u /p u mean very much to me /p

i WILL be yapping more soon (except probably about the actual “canon” pastas hehe) :3

[nexstage]

Sugarggedon

What could’ve…

“Aaaghhhh!” He screamed. In seconds, his head hit a hard, cold surface making him curse, gritted teeth. Opening his eyes again, the dread and terror he felt moments ago was replaced by the deepest level of confusion for he found himself in his room. His old childhood room. “What the—?” His hands went to his face. His skin felt smooth, a bit oily, a few pimples from acne in the chin.

What happened to all the back pain, the arthritis, the scars, the wrinkles, the cataracts, the—? Wait a second, since when his future looked so old? And why was that by the way?

He flexed his fingers and hands. They were young. He was young.

“Stan, are you ok?” Broken out of his stunned thoughts, he glanced at his brother.

Lively and healthy. Uh, why was he thinking about a future with wrinkles and health issues again?

“Stan, what happened? Was it a nightmare?” Ford gently placed a hand on his forehead. “You have no fever. What about your stomach? Did you eat something before going to sleep?”

“Uh… No no. Just… Just a dream. I mean, I had a dream, but I thought it was real.”

“By the look of your face, it seems that this dream went to the extreme in making you feel that was the reality.”

“Eh… You could say so.” He murmured an ouch as he rubbed the bruised part of his forehead. He hoped that didn’t leave a mark. “You can’t believe how crazy it was, you know, in my head.”

“Tell me then, we have some time before the clock goes off.”

“You won’t believe it! It was insane!”

Stan went into a long ramble describing a town called Gravity Falls in Oregon, invaded by all kinds of aliens and monsters, a colossal pyramid floating above the forest surrounding the town, the sky painted in all the colors ever known by man, fire and destruction everywhere, and they were there in the middle of it running from something. When he described their appearances, Ford’s eyes gleamed at his own description as some kind of adventurous researcher fighting alongside Stan who was wearing a businessman/mafia boss suit and even glasses.

“You weren’t kidding. That’s unbelievable!”

“Yeah and—“ Stan’s breath hitched as he saw part of the room where Ford’s trophies usually were. Correction, where Ford’s AND HIS trophies usually were.

He stood up and scanned all of them. His twin’s prizes were outstanding for obvious reasons. He was a genius beyond anyone’s league. Stanley, on the other hand, was just there. Pure brawn and troublemaking, struggling in academics.

Except that he was good at sports. Basketball, football, boxing, the medals and trophies said it all.

There were even photos where he had invited Ford to be part of it, both smiled so big their cheeks hurt.

“Amazing, right? In the end, your bet with Pa worked out.”

A bet? A bet with Pa of all people? What was Six—? Oh. Oh yeah! He remembered now.

Pa with his typical lack of faith in him and stoicism simply said that it would be a miracle if he managed to graduate without dragging Ford down in the journey until graduation.

Stan had always wanted to impress his father, to get that gesture of approval and recognition he only gave Ford. Being average and the extra Stan were the bane of his existence, however, for his twin excelled in every class while he got Cs, or in the best of scenarios, a B. And Pa hardly went to his boxing matches, expecting Ford to report him about his progress and barely saying “Mhm” before focusing on the newspaper.

Then when he said he would win all the matches in boxing and get all medals his father scoffed, “I bet my fedora that you couldn’t even be this disciplined with boxing or any other sport.” Stanley took that personally and organized himself. He became part of many sports clubs, attended all the classes, and impressed the coachers.

Suddenly, the few medals he obtained for boxing multiplied in tenfold just like the others from football, basketball, wrestling, etc.

As his mind processed the information, the clock rang incessantly taking him by surprise.

���Welp, time to go to school.”

A wave of anxiety washed over him due to Ford’s words but why? It was just school. It’s not that something life-changing would happen, right?

**************

“Mr. Pines, Mrs. Pines, let me be frank with you if I may.”

Stan couldn’t stop drumming his fingers into his knees despite his best efforts. This better not be a problem he accidentally or willingly dragged Ford into but as far as he remembered, they hadn’t gotten into more conflicts with Crampelter and his goons, and the rest of their classmates minded their own businesses.

What else could it be then?

He wished he had his notebook with him. For some reason, his wacky dream had clung to the darkest corners of his mind, pushing him to draw every detail. Doodling instead of keeping up with the lesson of the day was something he was known for like any other student but his gut seemed to be desperate to keep sketching those apocalyptic scenarios, and the pyramid, what was with that pyramid that—?

“Being frank is the only way I speak.” Filbrick’s voice cut through the haze of his restlessness. Stanley slightly gulped, wanting the whole deal to be over.

“You have two sons here,” the principal pointed at him and Stanford. “One excels in sports and the other in academics.”

“What are you trying to say?” Caryn asked. Stanley mentally did the same. What was he getting at?

“I’m saying that your sons are soon-to-be stars, Mrs. Pines!” Uh… What? “Stanley here has gotten the attention of the best football coachers of the country. Many teams are fighting over him to get him on their side. The scholarships are raining! Ohio, Alabama, Michigan, Southern California, North Dakota, Montana, even Harvard!” Harvard?! “And let’s not forget Stanford. He’s an unparalleled genius! All his teachers are going bananas over his science project! Have you ever heard of West Coast Tech? Best college in the country? All his students have turned science fiction into science facts! This guy could change the whole world! Your sons might be famous millionaires, Mr. Pines!”

“I’m impressed,” Stanley was this close to fainting. Pa said he was impressed. He even smiled! Pa never smiles. He has never been impressed of him! And now he was!

*************

The night at the swings was tranquil. The soft waves barely moved the Stan O’ War and his nose inhaled as much sea air as he could. If someone had told him that one day he would make his father proud and have a future beyond scrapping the barnacles off of a taffy store -wait, where did that thought come from?- anyway, if he had been given those news, he would’ve laughed and ignored it.

Stanford was the guy with the brilliant future. He had the brains, he would go places, he could beat the odds with whatever plan he concocted. Stan was another story.

Of course, the world decided he could do better. He even made the impossible happen! He would be a famous football player, Pa was impressed of him, his parents were proud, he would leave Glass Shard Beach and meet famous sportsmen, maybe win the hearts of cute babes, who knew.

And yep, his hands were still twitching and fidgeting. Why though? No idea.

“Can you believe it, Stanley? We’re going to college!”

He chuckled. “More like you are. I have to choose from a pool of pamphlets.”

“This is the amazing thing, though! You have lots of options. It means all your hard work paid off.”

“What about, uh, West Coast Tech? Happy with only one option?”

“Having more than one college to go sounds excellent, but I’ve read the pamphlet, Stan. This college has everything. The best teachers, the most advanced equipment, the best environment. Maybe… Maybe there I could show everyone that I’m more than the freak they see. That someone like me can change the world.”

“I know you will. I bet that in a few years we’ll be living in huge mansions while Crampelter and his friends will be working as taxi drivers.”

“Now that’s a depiction of a perfect world!”

Both laughed uproariously.

The echo of their laughter travelled throughout their neighborhood but not one soul opened a window to shout a complain. As they calmed the pain in their stomachs for laughing so hard, the salted, humid air reminded Stanley of the bittersweetness ahead of him. He had a great future but in exchange he would leave behind stuff he loved like their childhood dream and the Stan O’ War.

It felt weird to be excited to go to another path that wasn’t connected or fused to Ford’s. When they were children, the “Us against the world” motto was all they knew and mattered. Did it still matter? They weren’t as close as before and their talents had pushed them to different goals but they still enjoyed each other’s company.

Things were changing but others were still the same.

“What are you drawing?” Drawing? Stan peeked at what his hands were doing. A bricky-like triangle over a bunch of houses and trees. Wait. “This looks like my dream.”

“Is it causing you trouble again?” Ford asked concernedly.

“More like it’s a song on a loop. Bit annoying.” But still his hands kept doodling different shapes reminiscent of what he’d dreamed. As if they were telling him something which was nonsense! I mean, these were his hands. Hands don’t talk, they don’t think.

“You know, this gives me a great idea!”

“What kind of idea?”

“It’s more for you than for me. What if you make a comic out of your dream? I know the details will vanish with time but if your dream is this persistent, then maybe you can make the best out of it. You may not see it, but you have talent drawing, Stanley. This could be a pet project during your breaks in college and football training. And who knows, perhaps in the future, you will also be known by your art.”

Being known by his art… “Heh, you’re putting a lot of faith in a simple project, Pointdexter.”

“Because it could be a great opportunity.” Ford watched the stars mesmerized. “The future does look promising after all.”

“Yeah… It does…”

[obitez]

After the Fire

For @bucktommywinterfest

Round 6: Post-holiday Blues

Rating: G | Word Count: 702

Warnings: None

Additional Tags: Established relationship, Fluff

Buck liked to keep his place clean - nice and tidy. Everything was organized and everything had its place. It was one of the first things Tommy noticed about him, after his beautiful body, his charming personality and deep caring heart, that was.  It wasn’t that surprising, Tommy thought, considering the very open-concept layout his loft had and the fact you could see his bed from the front door. Anyone who lived in a place like that would need to clean up after themselves constantly.  When Halloween had come around, Tommy had noticed the lack of Halloween decorations around the place and managed to convince Buck to put some up. The same thing happened come Christmas time.   By the time Christmas Eve came around, Buck’s loft had a nice, relaxing, cozy Christmas theme going on with Christmas lights, window stickers, stockings, some throw blankets, and a little Santa napkins holder on his table. Tommy had worked hard to decorate his boyfriend’s place with Christmas decorations, and if he had to say for himself, he was successful in doing so.  Which is probably what made the sudden clean up so jarring to Tommy.  It was three days after Christmas that Tommy went back to Buck’s place after he just finished his shift to find that Buck had pulled out the storage boxes they had gotten for the Christmas decorations they had bought for his place last month.  “What’s this?” Tommy asked as he watched Buck scurrying around the apartment.

“Hey!” Buck smiled at him from where he was reaching for the lights they had strung up around the kitchen. “Just cleaning up.” “Cleaning up?” Tommy repeated, slightly confused until he noticed that by ‘cleaning up’ Buck was taking down most of the Christmas decorations. As his gaze traveled to the living room, Tommy noticed that most of the decorations over there had already been taken down and put away. “As in… putting the Christmas decorations away?”  “Yeah,” Buck shrugged, as he pulled the last bit of Christmas lights down and started winding them up in his arms. “Christmas happened three days ago, so… should clean up now, right?”  Tommy blinked, and he felt like he almost had to take a step back. It seemed his boyfriend was one of those people that took down all of their decorations right after Christmas. He needed time to process this information.  “But… it’s only been three days,” Tommy said, still in somewhat of a daze.  “Yeah,” Buck shrugged as he set the string of lights in one of the storage boxes. “What’s that look for? How long do you leave your Christmas decorations up?”  Tommy blinked, and then blurted out. “Until New Years- at least!”  “What do you mean by ‘at least’?” Buck asked.  Tommy was silent for a second, his right hand fidgeting with the fabric of his pocket. “Until like… mid January.”  Growing up, Tommy’s grandmother was a devout Catholic who always insisted on keeping the Christmas decoration up until Candlemas with the argument “the Christmas season only starts on Christmas, before that it is still Advent.” Tommy had accepted that reasoning growing up, and didn’t put an argument with the very opinionated woman. But as an adult who hadn’t been to Church since he was nineteen, he thought leaving things up until February was a little excessive and always ended up taking them down sometime around mid January. And all that being said, Tommy thought the people who removed their Christmas decoration on the 27th or 28th of Decmber were absolutely insane.  Tommy guessed he would need to put his boyfriend into that ‘insane’ category now. Shame. Tommy looked up from where his gaze had traveled down to the floor, looking up at Buck’s face that had a mix of shock and disbelief painting it.  “Evan?” Tommy said his name tentatively.  Then Buck sighed and dropped the Christmas lights onto his kitchen countertop. “Fine,” he said.  “Fine?”  “The rest of the stuff can stay up until New Year’s, but then it’s coming down,” Buck said as he walked over to Tommy and wrapped his arms around Tomm’s torso in a hug.  Tommy smiled as he wrapped his arms around Buck as well. “Okay, deal.”

[uncanny-tranny]

I recently had to do a project in one of my psych classes, and man, I knew that CBT was used for every little thing, but seeing over and over, "do CBT! CBT is the best for every mental illness!" was so jarring. I'm absolutely biased because of my own experiences, but I just don't think it's as universal a treatment model as it's touted.

If you didn't benefit from CBT, it's not because you're lazy or didn't try hard enough or lacked intelligence or foresight into your own needs. Frankly, it's a therapy model that (I think) shouldn't be the only readily-accessible model and among the only therapy models covered by insurance. Some of us should not be treated in a CBT model and that's okay. It's not a sign of poor character or unreasonable demands, and if you don't think it's a model that works for you, then it's your right to express that!