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onomatopagu-et-cie · 1 year ago

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The Killing Vote (ep. 7 notes)

The Killing Vote (ep. 1-5 notes) The Killing Vote (ep. 6 & overall notes) The Killing Vote: more on Joohyun, Kwon Seokju & Kim Muchan

I don’t know if you saw, but they announced episode 8 will be out next week on October 5th……….. After THIS preview no less, you’ve got to be kidding me aaaaaaaa (PД`q。 ) ·。 ' ゜

This got again really long, sorry again!!!!

Have a nice week!

(SPOILERS UP TO EPISODE 7!!!!)

Let Jihoon, Joomin, Joohyun, KMC & KSJ get their happy found family ending (இ﹏இ`｡) Put them in a slice of life, far far away from this noir genre plsssssss

I appreciated the fact that no explicit violence (except when BWT was beaten up by Min Jiyoung's family & KMC) was shown on screen ie. for Narae nor her dog ; the violence implied from all the scenes were more than enough already (eg. the video on KSJ ; the audio recording Narae’s voice)... ! And by the way, Park Sungwoong's acting in this episode!!!!!! I also loved how KMC’s character was shown trying to maintain a composure/restraint (his voice damn) in front of KSJ’s grief.

And the Jihoon & Joohyun scenes were GREAT!! Joohyun sounds like that sister you can naturally rely on!

(She needs to live, you hear me?!)

(Don’t read the new OST’s lyrics you are warned haha, it was beautifully played for Jihoon’s scene and the lyrics could also very well apply to KMC & KSJ in KMC’s pov!)

♦ September 15, 2015 (Lrae091515)

Narae disappeared on September 15, 2015… Just like how the video test is titled!

OH and something I missed!!! In the first post I mentioned the video test title, I wondered if it could refer to both Narae and Dies Irae (since Mozart’s Requiem was played in ep4):

As for the ‘Lrae’… It could be a wild WILD guess but ‘Lrae’ could be ‘irae’ as in Dies Irae/day of wrath (capital i looks like a lowercase L), which is a sequence in Requiem mass!

But the capital L could also stand for the korean letter ᄂ/니은 (nieun), which is the first letter for Narae/나래. Added to the ‘rae’, it gives ‘Narae091515’.

♦ The items in LMS’s room & his ring

Some of the items that were in the display case in LMS’s hidden room were revealed in this episode (from left to right):

KSJ’s suitcase

KSJ’s book he signed for LMS

KSJ’s mug, which is seen carried in the present by:

Jihoon (we only see him retrieve it from the deliveryman)

LMS (a whole collection)

This Gaetal in ep4 with this particular red mug when they rage as the public opinion is shaken because KMC was believed to be dead.

The picture with Narae seems to have been taken the day of the conference shown at the beginning of the episode. LMS probably stole the picture because it was a significant day to him ie. when he met KSJ in person.

Also, about the ring, LMS had it even in the flashbacks (picture to the right). Could it be some device to send him a reminder to take his medicine?

♦ More on shame

Something I wanted to add to what I said in a previous post (‘On the frames facing down (ep. 1 & 6), shame and guilt’): when KSJ visited his house in the present thanks to Joohyun, he only dusted off Narae’s picture to face her stuffed bunny.

Ep7 showed the other frame was a picture of KSJ and her, so it could show how he still strongly feels he failed her as her father:

♦ Narae, Joomin and Jihoon

FINALLY a bittersweet but hopeful? (I don’t care if it’s wishful thinking, let me hope okay ;;) parallel that’s clearly the opposite of ep4 & 6’s framing, the new OST (Aalia, Blue) was a perfect addition, it was soothing:

♦ The third person meeting with Narae and KSJ

(1) « She »

At the beginning of the episode, Narae met KSJ and said a ‘she’ couldn’t join them for dinner according to the subtitle translation when I watched.

(I’m unfortunately not able to watch on Prime, so I’m not sure if it’s fansubs or the Prime translation ; I wanted to use my free trial to watch the drama and other series, but it’s region-locked in my country and I don’t have a VPN ;;)

The gendered pronoun is an addition of the translation as the original exchange omitted any indication on the subject.

Most of the time [in Korean] the subject is implied, and you would rather address someone by their title or name (with an honorific if need be) depending on your relationship eg. Joohyun calls KMC 팀장님/team leader and KSJ 교수님/professor, Joomin calls her sister 언니/big sister. Note: but it can also be used by a female speaker for an older woman she’s close to eg. a friend, a girlfriend (like 형 = younger man -> older man ; 오빠 = younger woman -> older man or 누나 = younger man -> older woman).

This is how Narae and KSJ’s conversation went:

« — 왜 혼자 왔어? / Why did you come alone? — 또 먼저 갔지. 오늘도 할일이 엄청 또 많대. / [They] left early again. [They] said [they] had a lot of things to do today too. — 셋이 같이 저녁을 먹을랬는데. (…) / I’d hoped the three of us could have dinner together. »

Nothing in this exchange hints at the identity of the person that accompanied Narae. KSJ only mentions the three of them (셋이), nothing else.

(Of course, translating this exchange could be really tricky because it’s about a context that only Narae and KSJ are privy of and we’re unfamiliar to, how to introduce a character we potentially know nothing of?)

But the conversation shows:

— That person usually accompanied Narae to see her father (and probably picked her up from school first & walked the dog together) ; that explains why the subject is omitted in the conversation because it’s implied from their daily life.

— They sounded like an adult habitually swamped with what looks like a usually time-consuming work (which excludes Jihoon)

— They seemed close enough to both Narae & KSJ (who jokingly says it’ll be a father-daughter date if they don’t come), dinner with them sounded customary.

— We know it couldn’t be about KSJ’s ‘late wife’ as Min Jiyoung comments ‘It must be hard for him to raise a girl by himself’ as they’re driving home from the conference.

— It has been highlighted twice already how hard, to society/KSJ’s surroundings, raising a girl by himself must be: first with Min Jiyoung’s housekeeper in ep5 (‘They felt sorry for me for raising my daughter alone, so they would share food with me sometimes.’), then Min Jiyoung herself in ep7. Whoever that was, this person also might've helped KSJ to raise Narae unbeknownst to everyone else.

So it was supposed to be someone close to the two of them.

(2) Kim Muchan?

In the same episode, when KMC said Choi Jinsu knew what kind of relationship he had with KSJ, CJS later described it as a ‘close relationship’ (가까은 사이), the same adjective KSJ uses to describe KMC in the present (see in a previous post the notes on 가깝다).

KMC is also the one shown in the very next scenes working hard to bust drug scenes (to the point of eating those painkillers like it’s popcorn). It’s also highly likely the other cases we saw on the news were also recklessly solved by him. (Also the ‘Lives Here.’ on the mirror is a fitting detail to his workaholic side!)

He's still the same in the present and brings work at home. Even though he gets around the law to arrest culprits, the reputation he has now can also attest to the fact he’s still relentlessly absorbed by his work.

This was indeed how Jodan described KMC to Joohyun:

« (…) aka. Wipeout. Pressuring criminals to admit more crimes. Making a case bigger to take more credit. He somehow makes cases into special ones. That’s how he made his way up to Seoul from the south. The master of promotions. (…) Based on his arrest rate, he should be at the top, but those up there must hate him. »

And KMC was close enough to KSJ and Narae to firmly believe Narae would never run away from home, like family would say ; KSJ was the only person he trusted and looked up to.

Not to mention KSJ was completely tensed as Choi Jinsu interrogated him but relaxed once KMC took over, letting out a sigh of relief and dropping his guard to cry.

EDIT: KMC also knew calling KSJ 'hyung' instead of 'Professor' would eventually make him react, as he was lifeless and caught in his thoughts so far.

(3) How long did KMC know KSJ?

KSJ began teaching at KNPU in 2008, which means KMC and him must’ve known each other for at least 7+ years (it’d be 15+ years in the present): ‘Have you forgotten? I said I’d be your number one fan. I said that at your first lecture at KNPU.’

Also KSJ is 44 years old btw, I missed that detail in ep4 when KMC checked his files!

♦ Relationships conveyed through pictures

It’s interesting how the drama keeps highlighting the importance of KSJ and KMC’s relationship, but there’s (yet) no picture to materialize this truth in people’s eyes, while the other significant relationships are framed in the drama:

-> Joohyun’s family portrait and a picture of Joohyun and Joomin in the present.

-> KMC picture with someone who might be his mother.

-> Many pictures of KSJ and Narae filled the house’s walls and the furniture and there was a picture of Narae and Jihoon with the handmade bunny toys hanging on their backpack.

And even though nobody might’ve heard of KSJ adopting Jihoon soon at the time (except KMC), he was present in Narae’s drawings by her and KSJ’s side. And he also drew the three of them together.

-> Min Jiyoung’s family portrait was ostentatiously exhibited in the past & is still used to build her image for her campaign. But there’s also a small portrait with only her and LMS at her apartment in the present.

KSJ and KMC’s relationship evades common portrayal. (Not to mention family portraits are often shown in dramas to foreshadow underlying dynamics between its members!)

The only picture we were shown of them was on the day KSJ was sent to prison:

♦ KSJ’s health and military service

On KSJ’s resume (first picture), you can see he was exempted of military duty.

Indeed, what’s written on the left column under his military status is 미필 (incompletion, if he had been discharged after completing his military duty, it would be written 군필), and the rank and service term columns are empty.

I can’t quite make out everything that’s under the last column for the reason of incompletion, but I read 기형 (deformity), 친환 (one’s parent illness) and 변재 (accident) … ?

However what we learned when KMC checked his medical files in ep4 (third picture) was that he’s got asthma (천식) and primary spontaneous pneumothorax (일차성 자연기흉) ie. occurring without an apparent cause when there’s originally no known lung disease while there’s a preexisting lung disease when it’s secondary.

« Until now the cause of primary spontaneous pneumothorax (PSP) has not been identified, however; several risk factors have been identified such as; smoking, male sex, and a family history of pneumothorax ».

So he was probably exempted due to his long-time health issue (asthma, lung collapse), and maybe KSJ’s family had a history of pneumothorax.

♦ Who is Gaetal?

Is LMS really Gaetal? Are Fan no. 1 & Gaetal different people?

As I said in a previous post, the drama plays with the bias that everything must’ve been done by the same individual/a same group with the same intentions, so it’s possible:

Gaetal in the video test

Gaetal in the prerecorded votes, at least the first one (because the tone, gesture and expressions seemed different compared to the two next votes)

Gaetal broadcasted live (for Cpt. Oh’s vote)

Fan no. 1 who wrote the letters to KSJ

Fan no. 1 JJW said he was working with who described KSJ as the one they admired the most but also said they destroyed the person he loved the most, so he must hate them

Are different people in some cases, meaning:

— The ‘Fan no. 1’ Jung Jinwook worked with might not be LMS, since they never met each other

— It could be Jihoon, or at the very least, he’s an accomplice (there’s this exchange with Joohyun about the shift from an accessory to an accomplice, it could be foreshadowing). He’s well-versed in hacking, he most likely ‘admired’ KSJ and feels guilty over Narae’s death (and probably over BWT’s murder by KSJ), as KSJ said to KMC:

« — [Narae and Jihoon] were supposed to meet that day. — Yes, he thinks all of this happened because he was late. He’s still in shock. »

(He could’ve been the one to have faced Narae’s picture down!)

We don’t know his whereabouts for these 8 years but he must’ve been in contact with KSJ at least once since what happened and given KSJ’s reaction when KMC asked him if he contacted him.

Also Jihoon was definitely searching for KSJ before Joohyun interrupted him when he was at the Police Agency at the end of the episode.

He looked like he definitely knew the content of the ‘video test’ too (or recognized the room), he seemed dumbfounded to learn Joomin found it in ep3:

Determined to help, a part of him could’ve held KMC guilty of the chain of events 8 years ago. KSJ entrusted his handmade bunny toy to KMC and said:

« He said he made them himself, so there are only two of them. Whoever has Narae’s is the murderer, so he told me to use this to catch him. He left this with me. I’m counting on you. »

And KSJ must have some part in whatever is happening now with the Killing Vote: after all, we never got the reason KSJ went out of prison in ep4 (‘If they find out what I did instead of performing labor, they might believe the suspicions are true.’).

-> This scene in ep3 (the first set of pictures on the left): of course this shows his relief because he still cares for KMC but it seemed like he somehow already knew for a fact KMC was out of danger, even before the janitor said he was barely hanging on and not off the hook at all.

— This was even before the video of KMC was revealed to the public in the next episode ;

— The present Gaetal might have informed him in advance a police officer got involved in the bombing against their will, without revealing it was KMC. This would explain why KSJ seemed genuinely surprised when the janitor said it was KMC (the last two pictures of the set) ;

— Someone else could have informed him even if it seems difficult from the prison (but we know he got lots of privileges there and we still don’t know what he did for the warden ; the visit register could have been fabricated and someone indeed met him) ;

— It’s worth pointing out KSJ was convinced KMC was Gaetal up until ep6, which adds another layer to this scene.

-> His reaction in ep5 was also curious (the second set of pictures on the right), he only got perplexed for the video test, as though he was well-acquainted with the rest of whatever was going on except for that one detail (which adds to the theory that Gaetal in the video test ≠ Gaetal in the Killing Vote/Fan no. 1).

Curiously, as I said just above, while KSJ seemed unaware of the video test's existence, Jihoon looked familiar with its content on the contrary.

KSJ never outright denied he was Gaetal eg. his interview with Joohyun in ep2:

« — ‘Devils who were deemed innocent.’ The phrase that the killer used… You were the first one to say it, weren’t you? I think the killer has something to do with you. — The two people who used the same phrase must be connected. That’s such a naive approach. »

Ep6 only showed KSJ hoped KMC was Gaetal.

And you wouldn’t say KMC’s ‘I’m a cop.’ is a real answer too. Hate to admit it, but KMC stayed silent when KSJ wanted to confirm he was sincere: his feelings might be genuine, but denying he’s Gaetal could very well be a lie.

As for KMC’s front ie. keeping silent when asked about his relationship with KSJ, I guess it comes from his determination to solve all this by his own hands this time: he knows they would take him off the case otherwise. (And for some reason, I can’t help but also suspect Joohyun aaaaa we still don’t know anything about her past!!)

KMC or KSJ, one of the two might be related somehow ; if so, I guess they’d be trying to plan something without the other knowing in order not to involve them and also because the other would disapprove (eg. KSJ to put an end to KMC’s guilt ; KMC to offer some peace to KSJ after all the tragedy and his past mistakes).

— Plus, the Gaetal of the first vote sounded suspiciously like KSJ (his silhouette and gait too) eg. t h a t tremulous voice when he gets angry (the actor plays a lot with that in his roles overall).

— The first vote was prepared from a redevelopment area and BGC was murdered there (pictures on the right).

In ep7, in addition to the video accusing KSJ of being dubious and the witness statement, Narae being found in a redevelopment area was what made the police suspect KSJ of murdering her, since he was known for standing up against said building’s demolition:

« You’d been to the place where the body was found, right? Don’t even think about lying. We know you protested against demolishing that building. »

(Even before Joohyun showed him the Gaetal video test, KMC must’ve had his suspicions from BGC’s murder scene and the broadcast after the body was found eg. recognizing KSJ’s tone, 'the devils deemed innocent' or the ‘rational justice’!)

Narae might’ve been found in the lower part of the building BGC’s vote was prepared in: even though the first story doors were repainted in red and handrails were added to the bridge, the overall architecture and the sort of electricity meter/letter box on the ground floor look the same.

And even without it being the same building, it holds enough resemblance for it to seem like a disturbing recall of the events 8 years ago, combined with Gaetal’s keywords.

— LMS could’ve killed BGC’s wife as Gaetal's copycat at first but that still wouldn’t explain his involvement to the Killing Vote, saying he would give it to his mother as a present.

(But his conversation with KMC when he interviewed him in the present really gave me the impression he knew something about KMC we were not shown, and that could foreshadow what'll happen in the next episode!)

— About LMS’s true perception of justice: we never got to hear his opinion, Narae came running to her father and KSJ interrupted the conversation. So far, the drama didn’t show if his ideals align with Gaetal’s for example, but some elements in the flashbacks clearly show it could be the case.

In fact, his notes about ‘proper justice’ could align with Gaetal’s concept of vigilantism to make up for a failing official retributive justice.

And his ‘If you pass judgment without looking at things clearly, it’s not being fair. It’s being indifferent.’ clearly parallels KSJ’s opinion in the present (ep6):

« Lady Justice wears a blindfold because she’s afraid of bias in decisions. That always bothered me. If you don’t look at cases and the people involved clearly, how can one pass fair judgment? Can judgments without experience be right? Only after losing my daughter did I realize I was qualified to judge others. »

KSJ’s past self would’ve been moderate and warned him however: ‘Relying solely on your experiences can also lead to bias. Experiences are gained through situations and conflicts. They can’t be absolute truths.’

But this detail is something KMC doesn’t know, he instead focuses on LMS’s elitism because he didn’t have those kinds of exchanges with him.

♦ ‘No. 1 Fan’ & LMS

So…………………… You mean to tell me « No. 1 Fan » was originally a memory both KSJ and KMC held dear? That LMS chose this very nickname as a penname for the 5 whole years he sent letters to KSJ? That LMS described KSJ to JJW as the man he admired the most, just like KMC said in that exchange.......... ?

There’s literally no way in hell LMS didn’t listen KMC and KSJ’s conversation ; « no. 1 Fan » could be common in any other cases but not in this one: LMS made everyone around KSJ gone from the picture, it wouldn’t surprise me KMC was/is meant to be the next (LMS even describes him as a ‘cockroach’ hard to kill in ep5).

As to how he got to learn all that, bugging one of the two’s communications/belongings/Narae’s room (eg. that ‘My Daddy My Hero’ seems to be the only thing taken from the house, or the device Jodan found in the ceiling, as it’s totally covered with dust) or even hiding in KSJ’s house that day and listening to their exchange wouldn’t be that surprising given what he did and how he seems to enjoy playing recklessly.

What Jodan found looks like the kind of device that transmits frequencies to another device (eg. cell phone, a recorder prepared to this end).

In this episode, we saw LMS watched everything among the crowd each time (when Narae’s body was found, when KSJ was sent to prison), there could very well be times he watched unnoticed from KMC or KSJ.

I guess he learned about the ‘rational justice’ the same way: he could’ve heard the ‘devils deemed innocent’ from his mother or some other way (eg. if he hacked the court’s archives, he could’ve found the trial transcripts), but ‘rational justice’ was something only KSJ and KMC knew about (at least, at this point of the drama).

Given his obsession for KSJ, LMS could benefit from deliberately using a precious memory that KSJ could only attribute to KMC and posing as KMC: that would finally make him assume a special position in KSJ’s eyes (and it worked: that’s probably why KSJ firmly believed Gaetal and/or the one who wrote him letters was KMC).

And he probably deludes himself into believing it was originally his by right, not Narae’s, not KMC’s nor anyone else’s (I don’t think he knew Jihoon even if he observed the house): he considers himself KSJ’s only entitled Fan no. 1.

At the same time, becoming Gaetal, a figure that would finally bring the justice to KSJ which KMC failed to do, gives him the opportunity to finally ‘judge’/destroy KMC as he wished. Eg. making him the next Killing Vote target by showing people he was deceiving them (his ‘Wipeout’ reputation) ; or distorting facts about his involvement in Narae’s case (just like the video Min Jiyoung/LMS made on KSJ to divert the attention off her son).

And this seems to be the case in the preview:

The screen on the left side of the shot displays an edit of KMC (which looks like those Gaetal did for the previous targets ; the picture seems to come from when the journalists gathered at the prison when they learned he was alive), and if I’m not mistaken you can read on the banner « 속였습니다 » (‘I/He deceived/lied to [the people maybe?]’), which might be a reference to what he said in ep4 where he also used 속였습니다.

♦ « This house had good natural lighting »

Losing Narae left KSJ lifeless. In this episode’s flashback, his profile, livid, is blinded by white light, like a ghost.

Even though he stood in Narae’s room, he was perhaps longing for the house that was already not there anymore and that initially had ‘good natural lighting’, as Joohyun said in ep4. It symbolized all the happiness he shared with Narae.

And KMC could only witness, helpless, KSJ’s grief.

In retrospect, on the second set of pictures to the right, the sight of KSJ’s silhouette in a similar setting and lighting (when KSJ was transferred to the Police Agency, ep5) might’ve reminded KMC of this memory.

The drama highlighted this theme in other previous scenes too. They have in common a silhouette shot in an overall dark setting facing a strong backlighting.

[And you can notice the shots get gradually brighter as the drama progresses and KSJ gets out of prison!]

Joohyun's scene on the top right was so beautifully shot... !

-> When KSJ is transferred to the Police Agency ;

-> When Joohyun interviews KSJ and makes him listen to Mozart’s Requiem in ep4. And also KMC’s reaction we could better understand in retrospect as he listened (the pictures on the bottom right) ;

-> When KSJ enjoyed the light from the prison in ep4 ;

-> When he looked outside from his cell’s window while meditating in the first episode ;

-> When KMC wanted to visit KSJ but he refused to meet him in ep2 (and we can once again better interpret his expressions in retrospect to ep7).

Note: in ep3, KMC’s reaction to the tagged wall (‘the 13th was wrong’) and the news articles about the case from 8 years ago could also now be interpreted as pained in retrospect ; his surprise upon discovering this also shows it’s at least not him who messed the room that way. If he cared for Narae as this episode showed, he probably wouldn’t have damaged her room. It's also maybe relevant to note again that the video test didn't have the tagged wall!

♦ Min Jiyoung’s classism

Whatever Min Jiyoung found on KMC was something she did not approve according to her standards: she went from ‘that detective’ when she first met him to ‘bastard like you/the likes of you’ at the end of the trial.

I get BIG classist undertones when she speaks to him, and it's not the sole occurrence:

-> When she fired her previous aide because he advised her in a way she deemed unsatisfactory, she commented: ‘촌스러운 새끼’ which was translated to ‘What a loser.’ The adjective she used is 촌스럽다 (unpolished, countrified, dowdy ie. « one’s attitude or taste being unsophisticated and looking like that of a country person »).

The Naver Dictionary also gives the expression ‘촌스러운 사람’ and translates it as ‘a lout, rustic, clodhopper, boor’.

새끼 means offspring (cub or child/kid), but it’s often used as an insult to mean someone’s a jerk/bastard/etc. which is the case here (eg. 개새끼, SOB/bastard).

-> The housekeeper: KSJ described her as ‘도우미’ (assistant, helper) and was getting along well with her and her husband (‘They felt sorry for me for raising my daughter alone, so they would share food with me sometimes. (…) Though we didn’t know each other very well, we were quite close.’).

And Min Jiyoung, who lives with her and her family, calls her…… an expense (‘비용’) if I’m hearing well (at the very least, it doesn’t sound like any of the words commonly used for housekeepers eg. 가정부, 도우미, 파출부, 하녀…), and it could explain why KMC made her repeat.

-> She used 너 같은 새끼 to insult KMC (‘bastards like you/the likes of you’), right after calling LMS his son (아들), which could imply the latter qualifies more as a person than him. She even deems him a taint/테인트 threatening to spoil their status/reputation.

-> She said to LMS in ep5: ‘[KMC] must be trying to make ends meet. You better stay away from those vermins.’

And be it a coincidence or not, Jihoon’s grandmother was also judgmental towards Joohyun and her sister (ep4, first set of pictures).

Her reaction to KSJ’s idea (she was taken aback and raised her eyebrow then looked embarrassed as she tried to answer) could also be explained by some distance she wants to put between her and disreputable people (ep6, second set of pictures).

Gaetal targeted the rich so far (‘The law that is more harsh on victims than on criminals… It feeds like a parasite off of money and power, so the ones who deserve to die are still alive.’), like some sort of Robin Hood as KMC commented.

♦ « Hyung »

(breaking my silence once again…) KMC and KSJ were lovers/KMC was in love and they were in their domestic life bubble (and ngl that ‘… [and the one] I look up to.’ delivery with that hesitant interruption felt like a left out confession)

The scene in Narae’s room was paralleled in the present at the end of the episode:

You can notice with this comparison that most (if not all) of KSJ & KMC’s scenes in the present are submerged by blue tones in the prison cell and at the Police Agency, just like in the lyrics of the new OST with the wordplay on the color blue and feeling blue! eg. 눈을 감아보면 I see blue — 그런 너의 모습에 feel so blue (When I close my eyes I see blue — At the sight of you feel so blue) 네게 가려진 난 I see blue — 몰랐던 너의 모습에 feel so blue (I’m covered/obscured by you I see blue — This side of you I didn’t know feel so blue)

♦ Gaetal, masks and dogs

Gaetal could be translated as ‘dog mask’ (개, dog + 탈, mask).

GAETAL AND MASKS

Gaetal’s excentric and playful, Robin Hood-esque character and their theatrics could be a reference to the traditional Korean masks.

« [Korean masks] were used in war, on both soldiers and their horses ; ceremonially, for burial rites in jade and bronze and for shamanistic ceremonies to drive away evil spirits/illness/bad luck out of an individual or a village (often horrifying or grotesque to invoke fear and humor), to remember the faces of great historical figures, and in the arts, particularly in ritual dances, courtly, and theatrical plays. The present uses are as miniature masks for souvenirs, or on phones hung as good-luck talismans. There are two ways to categorize masks: religious masks and artistic masks. »

Indeed, KSJ had a glass display of Korean masks in his house (it’s a limited Seoul 1988 Olympic Games Korean Masks Collection):

Masks are in fact known to be used in talchum/talnori (mask dance/play), an art developed after a cultural shift in society: masks were initially used in religious activities, but entertainment and festivities factored in through time.

« An ensemble of musicians accompanies masked performers who humorously explore social issues through dramatic combinations of cheerful, energetic and rhythmical songs, dances, movements and dialogue. »

They mostly originated from the pre-modern society of the Joseon dynasty. The country was governed by a rigid social hierarchy (eg. the aristocracy and the buddhist monastic hierarchy) and a strict patriarchal system. They sharply criticized contemporary society with satire and witty humour, depicting the falsehoods and hypocrisies of the upper classes (eg. decadent noblemen, apostate/depraved monks, patriarchal husbands) but also mocked stereotypical versions of annoying personalities within the lower classes (eg. the drunkard, the gossip, the flirt of the complaining grandmother). It offered people both catharsis and important life lessons, and masks are a key means to do that.

On the nobleman mask (Master Kim Dongpyo, maker of Hahoetal): « yangban noblemen prioritize dignity and saving face above all else. The gentle curves of a Hahoe yangban mask embody this character. » In other local traditions, noblemens’ masks may express greedy and pretentious personalities.

Talchum offered an opportunity to commoners to unleash their pent-up emotions, their suppressed anger and for the governing class to hear the people’s complaints, ultimately promoting greater unity within society. Their will for resistance is voiced.

Gaetal's apparent intentions correspond to all this to a great extent.

« Once a person dons a mask – men and women, young and old, nobility and commoners – all are freed from social conventions and restrictions. The appearance of the Korea mask itself is also liberated by convention. Nevertheless, everyone manages to find a part of the mask with which they can identify. In this way the mask is truly the face of the heart's hidden desires. (…) Korean masks are grotesque and vividly colored. Masks are painted in vivid primary colors, representing both the individual personality and social class of the character as well as his or her age and gender eg. black & dark for an elderly character ; red & bright for a young character ; white for a young female character. In terms of personality, a red, darkly-colored mask represents recklessness and aggressiveness; a yellow or lightly-colored mask characterizes foolishness and incompetence ; and a black or darkly-colored mask exemplifies an anxious, socially marginalized character. To symbolize a character's duplicity, masks are sometimes painted half red and half white. »

[For posterity, in the drama, Gaetal’s mask is fully white ; we also don’t know Gaetal’s gender, Joohyun evokes this possibility, it could very well be herself, Min Jiyoung or her assistant, even Jihoon’s grandmother ; Min Jiyoung’s attention to her clothes also reflects the good/evil duality with her outfit at BWT’s final trial.]

Professor Heo Yongho, Korea National University of Arts: « Korean mask-dance dramas deal with such universal themes as freedom and equality. However, they present these common subjects in a distinctively dynamic and exciting way. »

All these emotions, ambitions and desires can therefore be put on display without fear or shame. The characters mock and satirize the duplicity and foolishness of the ruling class and pray for a new world and a better future, like Gaetal does in the Killing Vote.

This page even theorizes 탈 derived from the Chinese character for ‘to rid/free oneself from something’.

« Korea adopted Chinese characters prior to the invention of their own, unique alphabet under King Sejong (1397-1450), and still use Chinese characters extensively. Thereby, the original meaning of the talnori or talchum, is a play or dance that helps shed ones stress and grief. Originally talnori was performed at night, often in a clearing around a fire and the exaggerated colors and expressions on some of the masks reflect a time when such vibrant colors and expressions were necessary to make them visible in the poor light. » [This bit could be relevant later on in this point when I’ll talk about the moon and the fire symbolism!]

The interaction with the audience is important, it completes the performance. As the UNESCO page describes: « talchum performances do not require a formal stage: any empty space can become a venue. The audience plays an essential role, contributing to the production with their cheers and jeers as the drama unfolds. »

Talchum players improvise their lines and actions in response to the spectators, quickly forming a bond together.

In a distorted fashion, the Killing Vote seems to strongly rely on the country’s participation to vote for the ‘judgement’ of the culprit, introduced as corrupt and deeply irredeemable people (even though we know the reality is more ambiguous: two broadcasts were pre-recorded and pretty compelling cases were deliberately chose to obtain an unanimous vote, not to mention Gaetal’s true intention eg. if they’re LMS).

The country even becomes an entertained audience in addition to their participation: each vote brings its fair share of debates, cries of support, admiration, disgust, anticipation or emulation. The Killing Vote becomes an outlet to everyone's fears, anger, frustration.

Gaetal's judgment of 'devils that were deemed innocent' by a failing legitimate system which would even condone their deed inflames passions: revealing the culprit's corrupt side in a sarcastic, unfiltered fashion the conventional society would (or could) never dare to do makes people look up to Gaetal.

It also makes people relate to Gaetal because the votes serve as an example that they wish was applied to their own tragedies eg. Joohyun, KSJ, Joomin & Jihoon. Exemplifying the 'judgment' of their cases could be seen as a prophylactic step to 'exorcise' the deep-rooted evil and appease the tormented souls of their victims.

And Gaetal engages with the people with a witty and sarcastic speech, and sounds deeply concerned with people’s opinion (again, it could be false pretenses) eg. when they cautioned sensitive souls to close the video as its content might be too violent ; when they got angry as they read forums after KMC was thought dead ; when they broadcasted the video revealing KMC was alive.

The Killing Vote also seems to touch on people’s duplicity, hidden desires and ambitions in society eg. especially KSJ, KMC, Min Jiyoung, LMS and people’s ambivalence in the face of good and evil (everybody has in them the risk of becoming a ‘Gaetal’ or one of their targets if faced with certain opportunities and circumstances) as I talked about it in a previous post (’The Killing Vote and a vigilantism built on a twisted basis’).

The hahoetal (Hahoe [Village] masks) are one of the most known Korean masks, designated as national treasures.

They were used during a kind of mask dance called 하회별신굿탈놀이, dance drama of Hahoe Village: it’s a shamanic dance drama passed down from the mid-12th century & performed to appease the local deity, pray for the village’s peace and wellbeing as well as a good harvest. It is said to be one of the oldest mask dances known in Korea.

It's a play in satire and humor directed at the ruling class from the religious perspective of praying fortune. The masks represent 12 stock characters needed to perform the roles in the ritual dance dramas included in the ceremony (eg. the monk, the scholar, the bride, the aristocrat …).

Their origin is not clearly known, but a legend about their original design exists.

« In the middle of the Goryeo Dynasty, there lived a craftsman, Heo. For years his village suffered from misfortunes but no one knew why. One day, he dreamt about a mountain god, receiving an oracle message that the misfortunes would disappear if the villagers danced with masks made by Heo. The god said he was not to have any contact with anyone until he finished. Heo then had a straw rope wound around his workshop to allow him to work undisturbed and immediately set to work. One hundred days had passed. A young woman named Kim was in love with Heo and was growing weary of waiting. She broke her vow to leave him undisturbed for one hundred days and peeked into her lover’s workshop to see what he was doing. He was carving the last mask, the scholar's foolish servant, Imae. The moment she glanced inside, Heo collapsed spitting blood and died. The mask was left unfinished, without a chin. Out of guilt for causing his death, the young woman committed suicide. Afterward, the residents of Hahoe village decided to serve the dead woman as a tutelary god and held annual rituals to assuage her soul. »

An annual winter memorial rite is held at dawn of the first full moon of each new year to console their unrealized love, appease their tormented souls and honor them. They would also pray for the well-being of the village and for its protection against evil spirits.

This also seems relevant:

The word 탈 also includes a second meaning of misfortune, illness and difficulty. Eg. when someone becomes sick or runs into trouble, you can use the verb 탈나다 (an accident happens/have a hitch/run into trouble/fall ill/get out of order or go wrong) or the word 탈 which is a homonym of the mask.

« The word for masks represents something that people hope is only a passing event. Interestingly, people were reluctant to hold onto the word 탈 in its meaning of a mask. In the past, they believed that if they kept a mask nearby, they would be in trouble due to the bad luck attached to the mask. Therefore, they stored the masks in a village shrine or burned them immediately after the ritual for which they were created. People regarded masks as religious objects, something that should be feared, worshipped and enshrined. »

But masks were also considered by ancient Koreans as a sacred symbol of the gods (or a particular god): as such, it was especially valued and worshipped, and always kept a certain distance away from living quarters.

In the drama, the mere existence of Gaetal calls for trouble and the police force endeavors to catch them. Gaetal nicknames themselves 'the citizens' watchdog' who will protect them from evil, and is compared to many heroic figures (eg. Robin Hood, Batman, …) but also to God. For example, Jihoon says to Joomin:

« That devil was set free by our incompetent legal system. If he wouldn’t be punished by the law or by God, I thought he should at least be punished by the people. »

The sight of their figure 'should' be feared by the culprits but only Uhm Eungyeong was really scared ; BGC and Cpt. Oh challenged and dared them to actually murder them. But in the end, the latter begged JJW for his life and promised him money, the thing he cared the most for.

This also ties well with the overall Christian symbolism exhibited in LMS’s room or Saint Michael (see the next point!).

GAETAL AND DOGS

As for the dog part, since one of the main plot points is a commentary on justice and the good & evil in people, it might be a reference to the haetae/haechi (해태/해치), a Korean mythological creature often associated for example to the Chinese guardian lions (also called shishi, lion or fu dogs) or the Japanese shishi/komainu.

Symbol of justice and law, the haetae is a hybrid beast: a mix of a lion, dog and dragon covered in scales or fur, wearing a bell and baring its canines, sometimes winged, sometimes with a reptile tail. It possesses the ability to divine and distinguish the true character in people, right from wrong, truth from lies in people.

The horn on its forehead was used to ram into the guilty in an argument.

It is said to feed off fire ; under Joseon, its statues were placed at the entrance of official places like palaces to protect the capital Hanyang (now Seoul, eg. at the National Assembly and the Supreme Prosecutors’ Office) from natural disasters and fires.

« Haetae statues lie on high pedestals at each side of Gwanghwamun, the main gate of Gyeongbokgung Palace (…) [they] represent the Joseon rulers’ political and philosophical ideals of protecting the nation’s dignity by applying the laws strictly and justly and providing peace and stability to all the people without allowing bias or personal feelings to influence decisions. »

This article explains how the Chinese characters for law (법, 法) derived from the ideogram for haechi.

What I gathered from this page is that law was initially written as 灋. Looking at its structure:

— The radical to the left, 氵, is associated to water (水): which means that the law must be as fair as water — The character 去 is placed under the character ‘chi’ 廌, which depicts the haechi. Making a creature said to judge right from wrong a part of the law character brings out its meaning even more.

The character was later simplified by removing the 廌, thus written 法.

[And as I said in a previous post, the hanja 橅, which means law, can be used for the Mu of Muchan!]

The haechi was also closely associated to the Chinese judicial system eg. on decorations and paintings, embroidered on the robes, crowns with a horn. The judicial officers were also named after the haechi.

It has become Seoul’s symbol since 2008.

The haetae is also mainly assimilated to the Chinese xiezhi, a mythical single-horned creature (a sheep, goat or ox) commanded during imperial criminal proceedings to ram into the guilty in the same manner.

Since Gaetal chases after evil, it could also be a reference to a breed of dogs native to the Korean Peninsula, the Sapsali/Sapsalgae.

Their name literally translates to ‘one that roots out evil spirits’ or ‘drives out devils’. Due to their appearance, they’re often associated to the haetae and sometimes called ‘Lion Dogs’.

Lion dances are indeed performed because it was thought lions contained the power to expel evil spirits and bring good luck.

Sapsali are also nicknamed ‘Ghost Hunters’ or’ Sunshine Dogs’.

Some aspects of the drama also involve dogs:

-> Gaetal used a mail address titled ‘watchdog’ that the journalist wanted to use as a catchphrase for her broadcast ;

-> KMC called KSJ their ‘hunting dog’, urging Joohyun to ‘get him off the leash’ ;

-> Narae’s dog LMS killed and all the past dogs of his family ;

-> The scene at the beginning of ep7 shows BWT beaten by Min Jiyoung��s family as his parents watch powerless. The next shot shows the Dalmatian puppy sitting quietly by his neat doghouse as the violent scene continues to unfold before it off-screen. The absence of pictures of BWT’s family in the house unlike the Dalmatian puppy could be interpreted as a further highlight of the family being poorly treated by Min Jiyoung’s family, even worse than a dog. It also aligns with the classist behavior of Min Jiyoung & co.

-> Indeed, 개 is often used as a prefix to an insult (or to emphasize words in slang, but it’s not used in the drama so far eg. 개싫어, ‘[I] freaking/really hate [it]’).

For posterity also, the word ‘mask’ (탈) is also the homonym/paronym of 달 (moon/month) and 딸 (daughter, perhaps a reference to Narae, since the video test seems to be titled after the day she was missing?).

For the 달 (moon/month), the most relevant connection to the Killing Vote is that they’re held every 15th (new moon) and 30th (full moon) of each month. It also ties up with how the talnori/talchum were originally performed at night.

If there’s also some symbolism with the moon, combined to the fire and dogs, the mythical dogs Bulgae (불개, lit. fire dog) might come to mind:

« According to a myth, one of heaven's realms, the kingdom of darkness, was called Gamangnara, the Dark World. Its king was concerned and weary with the perpetual darkness and desired the light of the sun and moon for his kingdom. He sent one of the gigantic fiery hounds, the Bulgae to chase the sun to bring it to his realm. However, when it tried to bite the sun, the sun was too hot, which made the dog unable to hold on to it, resulting in him giving up, and running back to the king, angry at the failure. He sent another more ruthless dog to steal the moon. When the Bulgae tried to carry it in its mouth, the moon was so cold, that the mouth of the dog was icy and frozen, and caused the Bulgae to drop it. The Bulgae tried many times to grab the moon in its mouth, but eventually gave up and ran back to the king in disappointment. The king never gave up this mission though. He continued to send fire dogs that were fiercer than the others, but none were able to collect the sun and moon. According to the Korean eclipse belief, during a solar eclipse or lunar eclipse, the dark sections are the parts where the dogs are biting. When the eclipses are over, the dogs have given up and run away back to its kingdom. »

Noting it down if it’ll hold meaning in the next episodes, we’ve got two scenes shot in the moonlight:

In the first episode when KSJ looks out from his cell’s window and moonlight enters the room ;

Right after KSJ got his health checked by Jihoon’s grandmother in ep6 and Joohyun gets in LMS’s car!

♦ Saint Michael and Kim Muchan

Following the previous point, in the nightclub KMC was investigating, a big statue right behind where he sat sometimes showed up.

It looks like a reproduction of the St. Michael bronze statue by Peter Anton von Verschaffelt on top of the Castel Sant’Angelo in Rome (the set of pictures in the middle).

There are other examples of similar iconography (the two pictures on the right):

— St. Michael defeats Satan by Guido Remi — Fontaine Saint-Michel in Paris (Bvd. Saint-Michel) by Gabriel Davioud, the sculpture, Archangel Michael and the devil, was designed by Francisque-Joseph Duret

I’ll quote this interesting page from EHNE, an online encyclopedia project developed in 2012 by the Sorbonne University.

« Saint Michael was a unique saint. As an archangel, he acted as the preferred messenger between Heaven and Earth. His struggle against the forces of Evil allowed him to serve as both a guardian and a warrior angel. » He’s also depicted as a champion/guardian of justice and a healer of the sick.

'Who is like God?' mmmmh

[What I didn’t know is that he was also considered the patron saint of the police, justice, military and many other trades and places, which is why he’s represented on the Saint Michael pendant!]

« As a victorious angel, defender, overcomer of evil and leader of heavenly armies, Michael the Archangel is often depicted in medieval art as an armored soldier [eg. pteruges, Byzantine armor or a fully feathered body or a mix of both] carrying such arms as a cross-inscribed shield, cross-staff, or the sword or spear he typically employs to fight the dragon during the Apocalypse. Outside of the apocalyptic combat scene, Michael also may be shown trampling and piercing the dragon as part of his overall iconography. (…) He's also featured in other important episodes, such as the biblical narrative of the Fall of Angels and the Last Judgment [Day of Wrath/Dies Irae, where the just will be welcomed to eternal bliss, separated from the wicked, cast into ‘eternal fire’.]. In Last Judgment scenes, Michael the Archangel is often shown holding the scales of justice laden with good and bad souls. »

This thesis (p. 287 ss.) on Saint Michael’s italian iconography by Clémentine Denèle was also interesting:

[It could align with KMC’s restraint in front of KSJ most of the time, his mainly unreliable narration and expressions you could only interpret in retrospect. The same could be said of KSJ, but it’s less apparent to me: it was strong in the beginning of the drama but by now, KSJ feels less ‘cryptic’ than KMC who’s been hazy the whole time.]

Most of the time, Saint Michael's representations depict him with a neutral expression, totally disconnected to the threat and tension of his whole body engaged in his battle against evil that belie no hesitation: no emotions pass through (eg. compassion, anger, fear, remorse, hesitation, pride, judgment/disgust against the evil’s deeds or the violence he executes), only a solemn severity can be seen. Even for other angel figures of the Christian iconography, feelings were initially expressed through their gestures and hands. This changed at the end of the Middle Ages: angels were depicted with emotions and expressions eg. smiling to suggest their angelic gentleness, especially when represented suffering next to the Christ being crucified. But Saint Michael stays depicted with an impassive/calm expression, at most with a discreet rictus. Clémentine Denèle comments it could be explained by his ethereal nature and superior quality as an angel unlike humans & the overall idealistic representation of angels. She quotes the art historian Jean Wirth: he says the immobility and the impassibility are characteristic of the superior beings, because they convey an abstraction and reflect the stable order of invisible things. To materialize their constant presence by God and humans’ side, angels make themselves visible to the humans by assuming a human form as well. Vivid expressions were exclusive to the damned and the demons. It aligns with the attitude he exhibits in the Epistle of Jude 1:9: « But even the archangel Michael, when he was disputing with the devil about the body of Moses, did not himself dare to condemn him for slander but said, “The Lord rebuke you!” » Passing a partial judgement on the evil is not his mission, Clémentine Denèle says he only assumes his role as God’s armed wing and as such, his faithful obedience and trust in God command quietude under any circumstances: as the executor of divine justice, he knows for a fact his mission is devoted to the good and it must be fulfilled. She reports there were only rare occurrences depicting him with anger and aggressiveness or fear (he’s most of the time confident in the battle’s aftermath), and he’s also rarely present to mourn the Christ as he is crucified: it is not his place.

On a related note, Narae’s name (나래) is the synonym of wing, spelled 날개. 나래 was officially admitted as an alternate orthography for the word in 2011. But from what I gathered, it’s only used in a literary/poetic context, while the common spelling stays 날개.

♦ More on names & hanja

After all these episodes, some hanja that could be used for KMC, KSJ and Joohyun’s names now seem relevant to note:

— For Kim Muchan

-> Mu in Muchan Law (橅 & 膴, 법) as I mentioned in the first post: it aligns with his ambiguous position on justice on the past (‘a rational justice’ that doesn’t follow the official law if it’s unfair) and in the present (manipulating evidence and proceedings to arrest culprits but still handling them within the law, rejecting Gaetal’s ways)

Deceive/lie (誣, 속이다) & fog/mist/haze (霧, 안개): his unreliable narration, the way he deceived people to catch Gaetal in ep4 & the edit that appears in the preview ; KMC now seems even more ambiguous than KSJ.

Full of rumors (楙, 무성하다): his ‘Wipeout’ reputation

Rough/violent/tough (蕪, 거칠다): his overall reckless and violent behavior as he works

Work hard/try hard and strive/work/endeavor ie. devote oneself and contribute to doing sth (務, 힘쓰다): self-explanatory given what we saw in this episode, combined with the shots of his house and the first episode that explains his reputation!

Stroke/touch/caress with hands and figuratively soothe ie. calm down sb with warm words and acts (憮, 어루만지다 and 애무하다 which can have a romantic tone = caress, stroke affectionately ie. for sb to gently stroke the one they love): his overall restraint to reach out to KSJ and guilt over being too late to save Narae. The new OST’s lyrics also refer to those kinds of feelings (whoever the narrator is), especially ‘Let me hold your hand, 더 가까이 너를’ (‘Let me hold your hand, Closer to you’), ‘익숙치않은 이런 내 모습 미안해’ (‘I’m sorry for this unfamiliar me [I showed you]’) and ‘Oh, please tell me why — 더는 네게 — 늦지 않게’ (‘Oh, please tell me why — I won’t be late for you anymore’).

EDIT: also, some shots indeed focus on KSJ's hands as he buries himself in them to cry in front of KMC!

House (廡, 집): KSJ’s house he seems to know pretty well and possibly holds precious memories to him, and his own house he doesn’t seem to tend to, probably out of guilt (see a previous post, ‘On the frames facing down (ep. 1 & 6), shame and guilt’)

Warrior (ie. person who learns martial arts and practices it as a job) & soldier/military/army (武, 무사 & 병사 respectively): his potential association to St. Michael who led heavenly armies + for posterity, if they reveal later in the drama he also knows martial arts and it somehow involves him with the Killing Vote (the first episode & ep3 at least showed he was quite agile)

Shaman (巫, 무당 ; though the word is mainly associated to female shamans, male shamans can also be called mudang): a shaman « employs magic to effect cures, to tell fortunes, to soothe spirits of the dead, and to repulse evil »

Dance (舞, 춤추다): like… the talchum… masks… in addition to the shaman... you know… haha

— For Kwon Seokju

-> Kwon [You can also apply relevant meanings to Narae, since it’s her last name]

Prison (圈, 감방): both physical and figurative ever since Narae died and he murdered BWT

Abstain/refrain from ie. be careful about one’s speech or behavior (惓, 삼가다): his overall behavior in the present

Tired/exhausted/weary (倦, 고달프다): what he wen through these whole 8 years

Take care of/look after/oversee, heartfelt/caring (惓, 정성스럽다) & warm/friendly: self-explanatory about his character in general when we see his past self with Narae, Jihoon & KMC, and other people in general (BWT’s parents, LMS, his students) before Narae’s case

Loyal/devoted (惓, 충성스럽다): devoted wholeheartedly to his family

Look back/reflect on the past (睠, 돌아보다): also self-explanatory

-> Seok in Seokju

Untie (釋, 풀다 ie. return what has been tied, bound, or twisted back to its original state)/relieve anger or sorrow/get rid of one’s agony by handling it : he’s still waiting for the accomplice to Narae’s murder to be arrested to find some closure after all those years, he perhaps also wants to put an end to it all for KMC to stop feeling guilty over the case.

Night (夕, 밤), tide (汐, 조수 ie. seawater flowing in and out from the shore because of the gravitational pull of the sun and moon) & tideland (潟, 개펄 ie. wide expanse of mud revealed when the tide goes down): [if the moon and sun imagery holds some meaning in the drama] ; also, most of KSJ’s scenes in the beginning were shot in the dark compared to the bright scenes with Narae and Jihoon

... The Mont Saint-Michel is known to be a tidal island and for its fog haha

-> Ju in Seokju [You can apply the relevant meanings to Joohyun too]

House (宙, 집): the house that had good natural lighting (Narae, Jihoon and perhaps KMC) he cherished is now gone, it is derelicted after all these years

Bear/endure/put up with ie. endure sth for a long time, resist (拄, 버티다): self-explanatory too

Sunlight/sunbeam/sunshine (晭, 햇빛): the shots of him mourning or basking in the light

Timely rain but also heavy rain/downpour (澍, 단비 and 폭우) & wick and burn out ie. burn and eliminate sth (炷, 심지 & 불사르다) as I mentioned in the first post!

The fire imagery is also present with Joohyun’s character and her scar.

It’s associated to the tragedy she had to live, and we could project the same theme to KMC & KSJ who went through the same, all linked by this ‘terrible rage’ still waiting to be put out.

The hanja 火 (which is what 炷, the hanja for wick/burn out is composed of) is associated to anger (화, anger, fury) and fire (불).

Given the previous posts, you can also link it to the haetae (symbol of justice which feeds off fire, is said to prevent fires) or the eternal fire at the Last Judgment.

— For Joohyun

-> Hyun in Joohyun

Snoop/nose around (俔, 염탐하다): self-explanatory hahaha

Bright ie. a place being light as a result of getting a lot of sun/light or brilliant (adj.)/break or dawn but also fig. cheerful/bright (炫, 밝다), sunlight/sunbeam/sunshine (昡, 햇빛 and 晛, 햇살) and kind-hearted/benevolent (賢, 어질다): self-explanatory for this lovely character!!

Wise/sagacious/sensible (賢, 현명하다): she has a soothing and mature side to her eg. as she talked to KMC & Jihoon

Clever/bright/intelligent (儇, 영리하다): self-explanatory too!!

Connect/link/join (縣, 연결하다, can also be used for people): she seems to connect with people around her with ease, and she looks like she’s trying to reconnect KMC to KSJ

♦ « The person Kwon Seokju cherished the most »

I don’t know where this will lead, but KMC JJW’s quote in ep6 as he relayed it to KSJ: initially, it was about ‘the person KSJ loved the most’ (가장 사랑하는 사람 ; 사랑하다 = love/care ie. cherish, value, and care for sb with all one’s heart).

KMC quoted it as ‘the person KSJ cherished the most’ (가장 소중한 사람 ; 소중하다 = valuable/precious/cherished/dear): while the two adjectives almost mean the same thing, ‘cherished’ feels more personal than the general ‘loved’ (사랑하다 is also used a lot) and conveys the invaluable dearness better in this situation to me.

#국민사형투표 #the killing vote #tkv #kdrama

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kanisema-blog · 13 days ago

Text

Teenage Mercenary

Chapter 9: A Union and a Friendship

I sat among the crowd, watching as Marilyn, my best friend since childhood, floated down the aisle, her eyes glowing as they met Kaleb’s. She looked radiant, every inch the fairytale bride. My heart swelled with joy, and a bittersweet ache settled in as I saw the way she gazed at Kaleb, her soon-to-be husband. This day was something she’d dreamt of, and here it was, finally real.

As I shifted in my seat, I noticed someone slide in beside me. It was Mark, dressed sharply in a dark suit that complemented his easy smile.

“Can you believe they’re finally doing this?” I whispered, glancing at him.

He chuckled softly. “Not at all. Though, I guess I never imagined Marilyn with anyone else. Kaleb’s lucky.”

I nodded, keeping my gaze on Marilyn. “She’s been waiting a long time for this.”

We fell into a comfortable silence, watching as Marilyn reached Kaleb and took his hands. The officiant began the ceremony, his words a blur as I focused on the scene before me. When Marilyn and Kaleb shared their vows, I felt a tear slip down my cheek, realizing that my best friend was starting a new chapter, a love story all her own.

And then, as they kissed, sealing their vows, the entire room erupted in applause. Mark and I joined in, exchanging a quick smile. We both felt genuinely happy for them, united by the warmth of seeing two people find something so rare and precious.

As we all moved to the reception hall, Mark and I ended up walking side by side, our steps matching as we followed the crowd. The hall was beautifully decorated, with fairy lights draped around the ceiling, flowers on every table, and the gentle hum of music setting the scene.

We found our seats, and as I settled in, Mark turned to me. “Are you giving a speech?”

I took a deep breath and nodded, nerves fluttering in my stomach. “Yeah, I am. I think it’s only right to say a few words for Marilyn. She’s been by my side for everything, and now… well, it feels surreal.”

When it was my turn, I stood up, raising my glass with a shaky smile. “Good evening, everyone. For those who don’t know me, I’m Sarah, Marilyn’s best friend since we were practically in diapers. Marilyn, Kaleb… well, what can I say? You started off in an arrangement, something that neither of you expected would lead to this, and yet, here we are. Somewhere along the way, the arrangement became real, and you found love where you least expected it.”

I glanced at Marilyn, her eyes misty, and felt my own heart clench with emotion. “To Marilyn and Kaleb, may you always have the courage to face challenges together, and may you grow closer through every joy and every struggle. Here’s to a lifetime of happiness and love.”

The room echoed with applause, and I took my seat again, exhaling with relief. Mark leaned over, giving me an approving nod.

“Not bad, Sarah. That was beautiful,” he said, a smile tugging at his lips.

“Thanks,” I replied, still feeling the warmth of the moment. “You’re not going to give a speech, are you?”

He laughed, shaking his head. “I’ll leave the speeches to you. I’m more of a quiet celebration kind of guy. Though, I can celebrate on a grand scale when needed. I mean, I own a yacht and know how to drive it.”

I raised an eyebrow, intrigued. “A yacht, really? That’s a bit more than quiet celebration. Is that your go-to getaway?”

“Yeah,” he admitted, his eyes lighting up. “There’s something about being out on the water, away from everything. You should try it sometime.”

“Maybe,” I mused, imagining myself on a boat, the wind in my hair. “I’ve never been on a yacht before.”

As the evening continued, we filled our plates with the delicious spread at the buffet, sampling everything from delicate hors d’oeuvres to hearty main courses. Each bite seemed to taste better in the company of old friends and new memories. Mark and I shared stories, laughed at old college memories, and compared notes on our lives since those simpler days.

Later, I spotted Marilyn across the room, her face alight with happiness as she greeted guests. I excused myself from Mark’s side and made my way to her, feeling a surge of affection for my best friend. As I approached, she noticed me and immediately wrapped me in a hug.

“Sarah!” she exclaimed, her voice filled with gratitude. “Thank you for that speech. It was beautiful. I didn’t think I’d cry, but you had me tearing up.”

I hugged her tightly. “You deserve it all, Marilyn. Kaleb’s lucky to have you.”

She pulled back, her hands resting on my shoulders as she looked at me earnestly. “You mean the world to me, you know that? I don’t know what I would’ve done without you through everything.”

We exchanged a knowing smile, memories of late-night talks, shared laughter, and countless moments of support flowing between us without a word.

As the evening wound down, Mark and I found each other again by the exit. The wedding guests were starting to leave, everyone bidding each other goodbye with hugs and promises to stay in touch.

“Well, I guess this is goodbye,” Mark said as we walked toward the parking lot, our cars coincidentally parked side by side.

“Guess so,” I replied, feeling a strange pang of reluctance. Despite the years and distance, tonight had felt… easy. Effortless.

He offered a smile, his hands tucked in his pockets. “We were just acquaintances before tonight, but maybe we can be friends now?”

I returned his smile, nodding. “Yeah, I’d like that, Mark. Friends it is.”

We exchanged one last wave before getting into our cars, each of us heading our own way, our paths diverging but somehow leaving me with a renewed sense of hope.

0 notes

lunarubra · 1 month ago

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Oh my gods, I’m screaming!! This chapter was pure perfection, and I just want to keep Tommy and Nina safe in this little bubble of happiness forever. You’ve given us such a beautiful, intimate moment between them, but I have this sinking feeling that the drama ahead will shatter all this fluffiness and tenderness. I just want them to stay like this, wrapped up in each other, and not face what’s surely coming next.

The way you brought Tommy and Nina together in this chapter felt so natural, so inevitable, but it was still heart-wrenching. Nina’s vulnerability hit me hard, especially as she finally opened up about her trauma. Her internal battle—keeping her fears and past locked away—is something that’s been simmering for so long, and it was both painful and a relief to see her confide in Tommy. You can really feel how much she’s been carrying this weight alone, and when she finally lets it out, it’s like the floodgates open. Tommy's response was everything—his patience, his tenderness. He knew exactly what she needed in that moment, just pure, quiet support.

The kitchen scene at the beginning was a perfect setup for everything that followed. There’s something so comforting about their late-night routine, and I love how Tommy knows exactly where to find her, hoping she’d be making that “terrible tea” again (which I still want to try, just to see how bad it really is!). Their little moments in that quiet kitchen say so much about the connection they share—without words, you can sense how deeply they care for each other. And Tommy’s gentle reassurance, wiping away her tears, melted me. It’s in these small acts that we see the side of Tommy that’s been buried since the war, the soft, kind man who still exists beneath the surface, and it’s Nina who draws that out of him.

When they finally give in to their feelings, it was both tender and intense. I can’t get over how beautifully you wrote this scene—there was so much emotion layered into it. You didn’t just give us the physical connection; you gave us the weight of everything they’ve been holding back for so long. It felt earned, like a culmination of all the stolen glances, unspoken words, and quiet yearning. And Nina’s inner monologue afterward? Absolutely stunning. The way she reflects on how this moment has tied her to Tommy, how it’s filled a void inside her, was such a powerful insight into how deeply they’re connected. It’s more than just desire—it’s like they’ve found a missing part of themselves in each other.

I have to say, for someone who claimed writing these intimate scenes wasn’t their forte, you absolutely nailed it. It was passionate and raw, but also deeply emotional, which made it feel so much more real. And the way you ended the chapter...ugh, it was bittersweet. There’s this lingering sense of foreboding with that last line—“They would think about it tomorrow”—and I’m so nervous for what tomorrow will bring. Will they keep avoiding the conversation they desperately need to have? The tension of what’s unsaid between them is driving me wild, and I just want them to face it head-on already!

I’m both excited and terrified to see where you take us next, especially with the looming threat of Nina’s family. There’s no way they’ll let her happiness with Tommy last without interference, and I’m bracing myself for the fallout. But for now, I’m just going to hold onto this moment of joy and hope they can find their way through whatever’s coming.

An incredible chapter, Reb, and I can’t wait to see what’s in store for Tommy and Nina next—even if it makes me scream some more!

Heart, Body and Soul || Tommy Shelby x OC

PART IX

Summary: Tommy learns something more about Nina as she opens up to him about her past. Unable to ignore the feelings they have for each other any longer, they reach a point of no return.

Warnings: mentions of arranged marriage, slow-burn, small age-gap (Tommy’s 30, Nina is in her early 20s), time-typical misogyny, references to past attempted assault, harassment, violence, no proofreading, English is not my first language. This is set between season 1 and 2. This chapter is 18+, smut (it’s a spoiler but I need to say it). This is my first attempt ever at smut cause it isn’t my cup of tea, so it might not be that good. Also I didn’t want it to be just porn but I wanted it to be ✨functional✨ to the story and tell something, so I hope I did that.

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Nina muttered a few curses under her breath as her elbow accidentally hit the bottle of milk standing on the table, spilling its content everywhere. She hastily grabbed some rugs, trying her best to contain the damage. Maybe deciding to bake so late at night hadn’t been her best idea. But she needed to keep herself busy or she would’ve lost her mind, because apparently sleeping was no longer an option for her.

She couldn’t sleep without having nightmares anymore, and all of them involved the same person. Stefano. Sometimes he had her pressed into the wall again, and no matter how hard she screamed, no one would come save her. Sometimes he was standing in her father’s study, arranging their marriage as if she weren’t there. Sometimes he was waiting for her at the end of the aisle, with a grin on his face and a glimpse of victory in his eyes. And every time she woke up feeling his weight on her again, and his breath on her face, and his hands up her legs. She told herself she was being dramatic, that she should’ve been glad nothing had actually happened and forget about it, but the feeling of disgust that had been pervading her since that fateful morning just wouldn’t go away.

What her father had said during the lunch had been the last straw. All that talk about leaving her free to make her own choice was nothing more than empty words, a way of keeping her sweet until he managed to persuade her. And she was scared, because she knew that if he made that decision for her, she wouldn’t have a say in the matter. Because the alternative would’ve been a break with the Spinietta family, and that was something they couldn’t afford.

She missed her nightly talks with Tommy. For almost a month, he had managed to take her mind off all the ugly things that were happening in her life. Talking came easy with him. She didn’t know how else to explain it except to say that they seemed to understand each other. It was surprising, to say the least. Sure, there were parts of him that stayed a mystery to her, and parts of her that she still couldn’t let show, but they felt more like something to discover rather than an obstacle. Still, that meant nothing. Those parts were not hers to discover, and he wasn’t supposed to get any closer to her than he had already done. So they had pushed each other away, and reduced their interactions to the bare minimum. But that didn’t make it any easier. She missed him, despite her attempts to keep him out of her head, and now that they didn’t talk anymore it was as if she was on her own again, trapped into a world that spoke a whole different language.

However, Nina wasn’t the only one who felt the weight of that distance. She was the one person who had made Tommy’s stay in Italy somewhat bearable, and her detachment had left him feeling… hollow.

It had also brought him back to the reality of his situation, though. There was a war going on on more than one side, and he needed to do what was necessary for him and his family. He was walking on a thin line that became more precarious the more he waited. He had two days left to propose, or else the deal would be off, and God knew what would happen then. The most absurd part of it all was that what rationally should’ve been his major concern was overshadowed by something else entirely. He was scared of what would happen to Nina once he’d be back in Birmingham with Agnese on his arm. He didn’t know what was exactly going on with Spinietta, but if there was one thing he had learned, it was that when a man there decided he wanted something, he’d take it, one way or another.

If he could’ve been sure it wouldn’t have started yet another war, Tommy would’ve taken his eyes days ago. And when It didn’t matter how much he told himself that it was the injustice that made him furious, deep down he was aware it wasn’t true. The truth was he cared about Nina. He cared about her in a way he wasn’t supposed to. He had no idea how it had happened, but she had managed to make her way into his heart with steps so light he didn’t even realise it until it was too late. And now thoughts of her filled his mind night and day.

He didn’t think he’d ever feel like that about someone again, after Grace. Grace had been the first person he had opened up to in a long time, he had allowed her to see those parts of himself he never let show, and he had realised there was still a small light inside of him, a sparkle that had survived the storm brought by the war. And he had thought that maybe there was still hope for him. When she betrayed him, the darkness engulfed him again, and any shred of hope he had left faded into dust. But just like a match, Nina had made that sparkle burst into a flame, showing him that it had never been extinguished in the first place. It overwhelmed him how much he wanted her. He could feel her in his bones, in his veins.

It would’ve been a lie to say that the thought of talking to her father hadn’t crossed his mind. But Nina was not something he could take for himself. He couldn’t rob her of her freedom. Even he wasn’t that bad. He could only be content with the little time he had with her, and carry it with him when everything would be over. Maybe that was the reason why he walked out of his room that night, in the hope that she’d be in the kitchen, making herself her terrible tea.

And there she was, except that - much to Tommy’s confusion- she wasn’t making tea. She was surrounded by bowls and pans, and there was flour spilled all over the table. Apparently unaware that she was no longer alone, she kept on stirring the batter with a whisk, with an aggressiveness that gave away her inner turmoil.

“What are you doing?” He caught her attention, earning himself a brief glance before she shifted her eyes back on her work.

“Baking,” she replied, her imperturbable expression clashing with her snappish motions.

Tommy frowned, walking further into the room. “It’s three in the morning, Nina.”

“I couldn’t sleep.”

Nina’s statement made him cock an eyebrow in disbelief. It didn’t take a genius to guess that she wasn’t baking in the middle of the night because she craved some sweet treat, and her short answers and dismissive behaviour were all Tommy needed to understand that there was, in fact, something going on in that mind of hers.

Slowly, as one would do with a wounded animal, he approached her, and he could’ve sworn her breath had hitched in her throat. “Are you alright?” He asked, coming to a stop next to her.

Her movements ceased, and her hand clenched around the whisk before she let it go. She swallowed, keeping her gaze on the table, and Tommy wondered whether that reaction was due to the question or their proximity.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” She recollected herself, sending him a sideward look.

Tommy knew better than to push her. Insisting would only cause her to shut down even more, and that was the last thing he wanted. So he pretended to believe her, and took a seat at the table without another word.

Silence fell in the room as Nina resumed mixing the ingredients, and a new feeling began to rise up inside her. It had been a while since they had spent some time alone, and she had started to surrender to the fact that it would never happen again. Yet, there they were. She would’ve liked to say that it was as if they had never been apart, but in truth it was different, now that she wasn’t lying to herself anymore. With the acknowledgment of her feelings, came the awareness that whatever was going on between them wasn’t destined to last, that the end was near, and that every moment they spent together could’ve been the last. And it didn’t feel right.

She had never felt that way about anyone. She didn’t even know she could be capable of it until she met him. He had made her question everything, even herself, and she despised him for it. She despised him for making all her certainties crumble, for taking everything she had ever known and turning it into an undefined mass of doubts, for making her feel things she was sure she could never feel for anyone else.

Nina could feel Tommy’s eyes on her has she put the chocolate cake in the oven, and that alone made her hands shake. Against all logic, his gaze on her was something she both craved and escaped, it made her feel uncovered and… seen. She wasn’t used to being seen.

Closing the oven, she pushed those thoughts away. There was no point in torturing herself over what could not be changed. She checked the time on clock on the wall. Forty minutes.

“I have to clean this mess,” she murmured, more to herself than to Tommy. One look at the disaster around her, and she already regretted her decision. She inhaled deeply as the thunderstorm of emotions she was trying so hard to contain threatened to slip out of her control, but soon tears welled up in her eyes. She turned her head away so that Tommy wouldn’t see them, but it was too late.

“Oi,” he furrowed his eyebrows, getting up from the chair. “What’s wrong, eh?”

Many things were wrong. Her family, Stefano, that. Whatever that was. “I have to clean this mess,” she repeated, her voice cracking.

“It’s alright, I’ll help you,” he said reassuringly, taking a few steps towards her, worry painted all over his face.

Nina shook her head, crossing her arms over her chest. “No, no I can do it. It’s…” she trailed off, the knot in her throat making it difficult to even speak.

Tommy’s heart painfully squeezed in his chest. It was overwhelming, to see the suffering she hid behind her mask of fierceness and wit. It was never about the tiredness, or the lack of sleep, or the fucking dishes. She had things eating at her from the inside. Just like him.

“C’mere,” he gently brought his hands to her face, forcing her to look at him. A few tears fell from her eyes, then others followed, like incessant stream that could no longer be held back. “It’s alright,” he said softly, wiping them away. “It’s alright.”

Nina closed her eyes, letting herself be soothed by Tommy’s deep voice and the tender touch of his rough hands on her skin. His fingers traveled through her soft hair, brushing it away from her tear-stained cheeks, before resting on the sides of her face again. “This pain that you have,” he whispered, “share it with me.”

She brought her hands above his, looking up at him through her lashes. Her thumbs faintly stroked his skin, and he could read a hint of hesitation in her features. But when she guided his hands off her face and took a step back, he was certain that she had closed off again, leaving him outside of her mind.

As though nothing had happened, she started to clean up, and Tommy with her, despite her protests. For a while, the clinking of pots and the rush of water were the only noises that broke the stillness of the kitchen. Then, unexpectedly, Nina started to speak.

“It has been going on since I was fourteen,” she said, scrubbing a bowl. Tommy stayed silent, afraid that she’d change her mind if he even made a sound.

“I was in the..” she broke off, looking for the right word. “…ginnasio. I don’t know what it’s called in English. It’s after elementary school,” she explained. “Girls stop at elementary school, they don’t get a higher education. It’s not like it’s forbidden, but it’s just how things are. So as you can imagine, it caused quite the scandal.”

Tommy grabbed a towel, drying the utensils that Nina washed as he listened.

“It caught Stefano’s attention. He studied at the liceo, which is after the ginnasio. He always came to talk to me, asked me questions. My brothers had already finished school at the time, so he was free to approach me without anyone saying anything.” She paused, taking her time to properly clean the whisk. “It didn’t bother me, at first,” she admitted, and Tommy caught a trace of shame in her tone. “He was good looking, a bit older, and he was fairly nice to me. Most girls in the village were in love with him and his brother. I had no idea about what they did.” She handed him a spoon, keeping her gaze on the sink. “Then one day I saw them beating a man half to death in his own shop cause he hadn’t paid for protection. I didn’t even know what protection was,” a laugh escaped her lips, but there was no humour in it. “I have my way of finding out stuff, and people talk, words spread. And once I learned who he was, I decided that I didn’t want anything to do with him. I thought I just had to be patient, cause he was on his last year of school. He asked me to be his girlfriend, on the last day before summer break, and I said no. I thought he’d leave me alone after that,” her voice lowered. “He didn’t. Even when he finished school, he’d always find the way to come to me, to talk to me. He became insistent, he thought I was being difficult, that I was saying no because I didn’t want to say yes right away.”

Fucking bastard, Tommy thought.

“The more time passed, the more I saw, and learned,” Nina continued, her eyes darkening at some distant memory. “And I found out Stefano and his brother had a habit of dragging girls into their car. I didn’t know what it was that they did to them, back then. But it was scary. I stole my brother’s pocket knife, just in case, and always took it with me.”

Tommy almost felt sick. It was even worse than he had imagined. It had been going on for years, ever since she was a little more than a child. Years, and she had never said anything. A question burned on the tip of his tongue, a question whose answer he feared, but that he needed to ask nonetheless. For the first time since she had started telling the whole story, he spoke. “Did you… did you ever need to use it?”

She fell silent, and for a moment he thought he had screwed up. But then she nodded. “Yes.”

His stomach dropped at her revelation, and he stopped what he was doing to take a look at her. He could read the effort she was making to talk about that on her face.

“I was buying groceries with Agnese, and she had stopped in a shop. He came to me while I was waiting for her, tried to convince me to go with him in his car. I pointed that knife at his throat the moment he tried to grab me.” Her voice had hardened, her eyes burning with the determination he had witnessed so many times. “That scar he has, it’s because of me.”

Tommy exhaled the breath he hadn’t even noticed he was holding. Although enraged, he was relieved that Nina didn’t share the destiny of those girls before her, that she had been able to hold her own. Something really close to pride swelled in his chest.

“Unfortunately, it didn’t make him stop. If anything, it made him worse. The fact that our families do business together didn’t help. Soon he was everywhere. At church, outside my school, he even helped my mum with the groceries. I only had some rest when the war came. His father sent him and his brother to their relatives in New York, so that they wouldn’t fight. I hoped he’d stay there, but he came back. And he started again.”

Having finished to wash the utensils, Nina began to put them back in their place. “Recently, he went to speak with my father. He wants to marry me. That was why he was invited here for lunch.”

Tommy felt the blood freeze in his veins. He had imagined the nature of Stefano’s visits to the Ferrante house, but knowing it for sure was an entirely different thing. The thought of Nina being married to that fucker made him sick to his stomach. “What you just said to me,” he said, “tell your family. They’ll understand.”

Nina shook her head, the shadow of a sad smile growing on her face. “I tried.”

She kept herself busy with the last things that needed tidying up, the topic clearly being a raw nerve. “The first time Stefano followed me home from school I went to my father,” she elaborated, wiping the table. “He asked me if I had, perhaps, done something to… encourage that behaviour. To make him believe that I wanted that kind of attention.”

She finally put down the rag, then she went to wash her hands, dismissing the subject as if it was nothing. But that wasn’t nothing. That was a lot, and she didn’t deserve it. It was no wonder she always acted as if it was just her against the whole world. She had to protect herself for years.

“I’m sorry,” Tommy said truthfully. It was the only sentence he could muster up. What could he possibly say, after what she had told him?

Yet, those words had an effect on Nina. All that time, she had felt like it was somehow her fault, or something she had to get over. But that short sentence, said with so much sincerity, carried a meaning of its own. I’m sorry that happened to you. It was the recognition that something had indeed happened, and that it wasn’t something she had done, but something had been done to her. Maybe she was overthinking that, maybe he had only said the first thing that came to his mind, but she needed to hear it.

After that, she let the conversation drop. She would’ve probably regretted sharing that much in the morning, but for the moment she felt lighter. The burden that had weighed down on her shoulders for so long wasn’t as heavy, now that she wasn’t carrying it alone. And even if it lasted just for one night, even if that weight came crashing down on her again the next day, it was enough.

Ten minutes later or so, she took the cake out of the oven, then covered it with a clean tea towel. It would’ve been fun to explain to her mother where it came from. “It’s late,” she murmured, glancing at Tommy. He was leaning against the table, an indecipherable look on his face. Her gaze was captured by the way the muscles of his shoulders showed through his undershirt, then lingered on his forearms, exposed by his rolled-up sleeves. A warm flush crept up her cheeks, and she found herself taken aback by her own thoughts. She really needed to sleep. And Tommy, who she had kept up with her. A sense of guilt pervaded her. Things weren’t easy for him either, and he needed to rest as well. She cleared her throat, hesitantly getting closer to him. “Thank you,” she whispered, resting her hand on his arm. “For staying.”

Tommy turned to look at her, his body stiffening. That contact was enough to send a chill down his spine. Only the thin material of his undershirt was separating his skin from her fingers, yet her touch burned, awakening all the sensations he had been trying to keep at bay. She was beautiful, and mere inches away from him, and her scent was making his head spin. His eyes drifted to her lips. He still remembered how they tasted, and that only added to his yearning. As though it didn’t belong to him anymore, his hand moved to delicately stroke her cheek, the roughness of his knuckles contrasting with the softness of her skin. Her eyelids fluttered closed as she almost involuntarily leaned closer. With a burning desire clouding his judgment, Tommy tentatively pressed his mouth on hers, testing the waters. When her lips started to move against his, his hand went to cup the back of her head, deepening the kiss. It was different than the first time, when his eagerness was so intense that he couldn’t bring himself to be gentle. He kissed her slowly, delicately, as if she might break in his hands.

Nina did feel like she could break at any moment. Vulnerable, exposed. And the craziest part was that she didn’t mind, not even a bit. Because she felt safe, in his arms. However, once again, reality set over her like a dark mist. She slightly moved away, shaking her head. “We can’t do this, Tommy,” she whispered.

He nodded, closing his eyes shut. They were still close enough for their noses to brush, and the tried to imprint that feeling in his mind, in his soul. “I know,” he rasped.

Neither of them moved for a while. Neither of them wanted to. They had been restraining themselves for so long. But it was too late. Inhaling sharply, Tommy took a step back, and a feeling of coldness engulfed both of them.

Nina paced back and forth in her room, fragments of what had happened less than ten minutes ago in the kitchen playing in her head again and again. It felt as if she had reached a point of no return. She couldn’t lie to herself anymore. She couldn’t go against herself anymore. She wanted him. It didn’t matter how much she tried to convince herself that she didn’t, that she should step aside before it became serious, that she’d forget about him anyway. None of it was true. She had tried so hard to put an end to that, to push him away, but she hadn’t been able to. She felt selfish, and cruel, and a traitor for that. And the worst thing was she didn’t care. In that moment, she didn’t care at all. She wanted to be selfish. She wanted to be cruel. She wanted to be a traitor. For once, she didn’t want to think about anyone but herself.

Fuck it, she thought. She walked out of her room, her pulse racing. It wasn’t fear, she wasn’t scared of being caught. With her parents’ chamber being in the other corridor and her brothers being away on business, no one would see her entering Tommy’s room. It was the anticipation for something she couldn’t quite put her finger on. She stopped in front of the door, pondering whether to knock, just open it, or simply leave, feeling her courage already slip away from her. What if he didn’t want to see her? What if he was already asleep?

Determined not to let the whirlwind of thoughts and panic scare her out of it, she brought her fist to the wooden surface. The seconds stretched into an eternity as she waited, nervously fidgeting with her fingers, and when the sound of his footsteps came to her ears, she thought her heart could jump right out of her chest. Tommy opened the door, confusion painted across his features, but before he could say anything, Nina pulled him in and crashed her lips against his. It didn’t take much for him to recover from the surprise and wrap a strong arm around her waist, pulling her inside as he closed the door with his free hand. She found herself trapped against the hard surface, enveloped by the warmth radiating from him as their bodies pressed together. Her hands slid behind his neck, bringing him impossibly closer, eager to feel more. The feeling of his strong frame all over her made her knees buckle, and she was pretty sure she would’ve ended up on the floor hadn’t he been holding her. His smell, which had become now so familiar to her - a mixture of soap and cigarette smoke, with a hint of whiskey-, invaded her nostrils, making her head spin.

His hands roamed down her body, covered by the cotton nightgown. He gripped at the soft material, feeling the last shred of his self control drift away from him. It was too much. She was too much. God knew how much he wanted her, but he didn’t want her to do something she was going to regret. Once they had crossed that line, they couldn’t go back. “Nina,” he groaned, breaking away from her. “We have to stop now. I have to stop now.”

“Don’t.”

In the dim light of the room, Tommy examined her expression, only to see there was not a trace of doubt in her eyes. He gulped, gently stroking her cheek. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

He leaned with his forehead against hers, rubbing his thumb on the skin of her jaw. “Tell me to stop and I’ll stop,” he husked. “At any moment.”

She nodded, but when he leaned in to kiss her again, she put her hands on his chest. “Wait,” she blurted out, causing him to take a step back. “I’ve never…” Nina didn’t finish her sentence, but she didn’t need to.

Shit. Tommy had imagined it, of course, he was no fool, but having it confirmed… He shouldn’t. He really shouldn’t. But there was a part of him that didn’t care at all. The bad he couldn’t help.

“Do you want me to stop?”

Nina pondered her answer, the reality of the situation washing over her. Theoretically, she knew what to expect. Practically, it was a whole different thing. And she knew that if she said yes, she’d be ruined. Still, she didn’t care. And she was hit by the overwhelming awareness that she’d let him do whatever he wanted to her. “No,” she breathed out.

She felt like she could melt right there when he raised her chin to capture her lips again. What started as a tender kiss became more heated, and soon he was basically devouring her, unable to restrain himself any longer.

Tommy had thought about that moment more than he’d ever admit, and now that she was actually there in his arms, it almost felt unreal. Yet she was there, and she was trusting him. And as he grabbed her waist to press her against him, he noticed his own hands were shaking.

Nina tilted her head as he started to leave a trail of kisses down her neck. A gasp escaped her lips when he reached a particularly sensitive spot, and an unfamiliar ache spread between her tighs, causing her to unconsciously rub them together. Her reaction didn’t go unnoticed, cause she felt his lips twisting in a grin against her skin. He moved down to her collarbones, then perilously close to her breasts. His fingers travelled up to the straps of her nightgown as he pulled back slightly, a silent question in his eyes. When she nodded, he slowly slid them down her shoulders, uncovering her inch after inch, until she was standing in front of him with nothing on but her knickers.

Her heart raced as she saw desire burning in Tommy’s eyes. Except it wasn’t just desire, or lust. There was something more, something she couldn’t read. No one had ever looked at her that way. With trembling hands, she shyly took ahold of the hem of his undershirt. Her fingers brushed against his skin as she raised it, leaving behind a trail of goosebumps and making his muscles twitch. Once the clothing was lying on the on the floor, she allowed herself to look at him, and explore him. She delicately traced the bullet scar on his shoulder, as if she might hurt him by pressing too hard, then the tattoo on his chest, then the lines of his abdomen, everything that told the story of his life. It was like watching a masterpiece. A torn, tainted masterpiece, but a masterpiece nonetheless.

Her hands reached his trousers, but she raised her gaze on him before unbuttoning them. A glimpse of something that looked a lot like surprise crossed his face, almost as though he wasn’t expecting her to ask. Then he gave her a single nod. After helping her remove them, he gently guided her towards the bed.

A mixture of edginess and anticipation took over Nina as Tommy positioned himself on top of her, one hand beside her head to support himself, the other ghosting over her breasts. She arched her back as he ran his thumb over one of her hardened nipples, the new, strange sensation becoming more and more pleasant as he fondled her flesh. He leaned down to pepper her chest with kisses, his lips warm and soft, then he trailed down to her stomach, her ribs, her belly. That new attention had her squirming under him, eliciting a deep chuckle from Tommy that caused her face to flush. His lips travelled up again to meet hers in a slow, sensual kiss that fogged her brain so much that she almost didn’t notice his hand making its way down to her most private parts. Breath hitched in her throat as he ran his fingers over her clothed sex.

“Do you trust me?” he asked her, his voice reverberating in her own chest. He raised his head to look at her, studying her expression.

Nina’s hand found its place on the back of his head, the short locks tickling her palm. She didn’t even need to think about her answer. One look at his face and she knew. She did trust him, with all her heart. She pulled him down to press a tender kiss on his mouth. “Yes,” she whispered.

Still close enough for their lips to brush, Tommy delicately rubbed his fingers over her heat, stimulating the area while allowing her to get used to the sensation of being touched. When his fingertip found her clit, she let out an involuntary gasp, her fingers tightening around the nape of his neck. He then pushed her knickers to the side, caressing the wet folds before stopping at her opening. Slowly, he inserted one of his digits, and she winced at the foreign, mildly uncomfortable feeling. Tommy stilled his movements, giving her the time to get adjusted.

“Is this alright?”

“Yes,” she breathed out.

He began to pump his finger in and out, careful not to go too deep just yet. Nina let out a ragged breath, pleasure building up inside her as she gradually got used to the feeling. His thumb rolled over her clit, the unexpected move eliciting a whimper out of her. Her breathing became more laboured as he added another finger, stretching her further.

Tommy took in the sight of her under him, eyes closed, swollen lips parted, her eyebrows slightly furrowed in a frown. God, she was beautiful. And she was his, even if just for one night. He moved faster and deeper, working her open until he felt it was enough. A whine of protest left her lips when he removed his fingers, and he smirked at the reaction. “Be patient,” he playfully scolded her, earning himself a glare.

He got rid her now inconvenient last piece of clothing, then took off his briefs. Nina couldn’t help but let her gaze wander to the newly exposed part, and a wave of concern overcame her. It couldn’t possibly fit.

Tommy gently parted her legs more to settle between them and hovered above her again, but he must’ve read the apprehension on her face. “Do you want to stop?” he murmured, running his knuckles over her cheek.

His attentiveness warmed Nina’s heart, dissolving any fear she had. She was safe with him. He wouldn’t hurt her. “No,” she shook her head.

He cradled her head in one of his hands and leaned in to place a sweet kiss on her forehead, then lined himself up with her entrance. Nina braced herself for what was to come, her fingers ghosting over his shoulders in a soothing motion. Tommy inserted his tip, and she couldn’t hold back a stifled gasp at the intrusion. He stood still for a moment, reassuringly rubbing her waist with a hand, then pushed a bit further inside her tight slit. Nina squeezed her eyes shut, the burning sensation almost unbearable.

“You alright?” he asked, the effort he was making to restrain himself showing through the rasp of his voice. Her velvety walls were squeezing him in the most delightful way, and it took all his self-control to stop there.

She nodded, silently giving him the permission to go on. Pain and pleasure mixed as he carefully worked his way past her resistance, until he was buried deep inside of her. He stilled again, giving her the time to adjust to his size. That feeling of fullness took her breath away, it was intoxicating. He was intoxicating. She pulled him impossibly close, eager to feel every inch of his skin on her skin, to melt into him until she could no longer tell where she started and he ended. A low groan reverberated into her ear as she pushed her hips up against his, encouraging him to move. Tommy started rolling his hips, setting a slow, sensual pace that allowed both of them to feel everything with the outmost depth. His lips claimed hers in a searing kiss, stifling the moans that threatened to escape them. Nina’s hands went to cup his face, the softness of his lips enough to distract her from the last shreds of pain and help her relax, thus allowing him to go even deeper. His teeth grazed her bottom lip, further igniting the fire inside of her.

So that was what Nina had been warned about all her life. That was the sin she had been taught she should avoid at all costs, the sin that would bring shame and ignominy upon her and all her family. And she was surprised to find out that it didn’t feel like a sin. It didn’t feel wrong. How could there be shame in that, when it felt so right? How could there be shame in being in the arms of someone she cared so deeply about, who made her feel so safe? Where was the shame?

Tommy’s hands rested on the back her thighs, fingers squeezing the flesh as he felt her tightening around him. He wanted to take it slow, to savour that moment, but it was getting harder and harder as her warmth, her scent, her shaky breaths clouded his senses. It felt like being in a bubble. Nothing else mattered, nothing else was real. Time had stopped for them to exist in that moment.

Nina hid her face in the crook of his neck as he quickened his pace, feeling her muscles tightening in her lower stomach. Tommy guided her to wrap her legs around him, the new angle making her see stars. His thrusts became more erratic, more frantic, causing that strange feeling in her abdomen to become even stronger. “Tommy,” she whimpered, overwhelmed by that vortex of sensations.

“Let it happen, love,” he whispered in her ear, his length twitching at the way his name sounded on her lips.

With a few more thrusts, he pushed her over the edge, and she had to press her mouth over his shoulder to silence the sounds she couldn’t hold back anymore. It didn’t take long for Tommy to follow her, his hips jerking as he spilled himself inside of her.

The world stood still as they stayed in each other’s embrace, Tommy’s cheek brushing against hers. He buried his nose in her dark hair, inhaling her lavender scent. For once, his head was silent. No nagging thoughts, no shovels against the wall. Just peace.

Nina gently stroked the back of his head, breathing deeply as her heart slowed down to a normal rate. Fuck, she had never felt anything like that. It had been… intense. And it had tied her to him more than she could’ve ever imagined. It was scary, to be so connected to someone. To feel someone that much. That was the right expression. She felt him. As if he were part of herself. As if there had been an empty spot inside her soul, and she had lived with it all her life, only to find that it was him the missing piece.

A sudden blast of cold hit her when Tommy got up, depriving her of his warmth and weight. She watched in confusion as he disappeared in his private bathroom, wondering whether something had happened. She sat up on the bed, bringing her knees to her chest. Had she done something wrong?

However, she didn’t need to worry for long, cause soon Tommy walked back into the room, with his private parts now covered by a pair of briefs and a fresh towel in his hand. Without saying a word, he climbed back on the bed, smiling softly at the puzzled look on her face. Slightly embarrassed now that the disinhibition brought by the feverish state they had previously been in had faded, she felt her cheeks grow hot when he gently spread her legs apart. He delicately ran the towel over her sensitive skin, cleaning her up from the sticky mess between her legs, his eyebrows knitted in a concentrated frown. Once again, his attentiveness made her heart skip a bit, and she was amazed by how easy it was to let him take care of her. She never let anybody take care of her.

As Tommy discarded the towel somewhere on the floor, Nina’s attention was caught by the blood stain on the white top sheet. Shit. She got up to remove it from the bed, doing her best to ignore what she’d prefer would stay tomorrow’s problem. “I’ll have to take care of it in the morning,” she murmured.

Tommy laid on the bed again, then reached for the cigarettes on his nightstand to light one. He watched her as she looked for her nightgown among the mess of clothes on the floor, naked, with only her long, ruffled hair to cover her a little. She was quite the sight.

Much to his dismay, she soon found what she was looking for, and covered herself. He exhaled a cloud of smoke, motioning for her to get back in bed, having had enough of having her away from him. “C’mere.”

Nina gladly took her place back next to him, resting with her head on his chest as he draped an arm over her shoulders. She could’ve stayed there forever. But she knew that it wouldn’t be long before the sun made its appearance on the horizon.

They stayed in silence as Tommy smoked his cigarette, his fingertips mindlessly grazing her arm. He didn’t want to think about tomorrow, or about what would happen next. He wanted to stay in that moment while he still could, because he knew he wouldn’t get it back. That thought stung. But he was aware they needed to have that conversation. This time they couldn’t just pretend nothing had happened, and the sooner they talked, the sooner they would clear things out.

“Nina,” he whispered, but no reaction came from her. She had fallen asleep.

Tommy stubbed his cigarette in the ashtray, then turned the small lamp off. He didn’t have the heart to wake her up.

They would think about it tomorrow.

NEXT CHAPTER

Heart, Body and Soul tag list:

@zablife @queenofshinigamis @raincoffeeandfandoms / @justrainandcoffee @call-sign-shark

@kmc1989 @babayaga67 @kmhappybunny240 @diorrfairy @mariaelizabeth21-blog1

@gaslysainz @brummiereader @loverhymeswith @fairypitou @prettywhenicry4

@mysticalbouquetwolf-posts @woofgocows @girlwith-thepearlearring @goblinjnr @outlanderuniverse

@citylights31 @neonpurplestars89-blog @outlanderuniverse @red-riding-wood @evita-shelby

@look-at-the-soul @gathania93

General tag list:

@iamngoclinh08 @lilywinchesterlove @fandom-puff @capitanostella @caelys

@lucillethings @peakyxtommy @queenofkings1212 @lyarr24 @kmc1989

@call-sign-shark @ce1iat @red-riding-wood @optimisticsandwichgladiator

#sorry for the too leghty comment #tommy shelby x oc #nina ferrante x tommy shelby #heart body and soul

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mischas · 2 years ago

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You've discussed your favourite RM scenes but are there any non-RM Marissa scenes that are also your favourites?

I think Marissa's farewell scenes with Jimmy in 2x07 and 3x03 are really powerful in different ways. She reverts to being childlike in 2x07 and is then the more mature of the two in 3x03. It's so stark but shows a spectrum of emotion that MB did so well.

This is Ryan-adjacent but I love the scene in Marissa's bedroom in 2x22 with Trey (content-wise it's hard to watch but it's a great Marissa moment). Man, Mischa knocks that one out of the park. Marissa already understands the complexities of Ryan/Trey so well and doesn't want to ruin what she knows is Ryan's trust being built back up from Trey's previous misdeeds. God, there's so many layers. The selflessness she displays, I am in awe.

Also Ryan-adjacent is 3x02's "I'm proud of what I did and I'd do it again" like yes babieeee

God okay this is getting ridiculous but another Ryan-adjacent scene is the Baskin Robbins scene with Kaitlin from 3x14. It shows how Kaitlin really gets her sister and I like someone confronting Marissa head-on about her feelings. I think Marissa needs nudging like this! Oftentimes Marissa liked living in the shades of grey rather than putting her foot down (relatable) so to see her be sort of challenged on this thinking was good.

The emotion on Marissa's face in 1x24 when SS unveil her finished, furnished bedroom is so special. We know she's just agreed to live with Caleb and Julie so I think that bittersweetness comes across so beautifully. She and Ryan don't tell SS just yet about the news and I love that Marissa gets to sit and enjoy the care they give her in that moment.

Watching Marissa in Chino in 1x23 is really wonderful, holding neighborhood children and chatting happily. My soft girl.

The scene in 2x24 right before Seth calls Marissa about Ryan/Trey is also really good. She hesitates for a moment before hugging Julie and I just love it so much. The awkwardness but then the smile on both of their faces. ALL Marissa wants is a functioning family.

I also deeply love how nonplussed Marissa is in 3x11 when Julie tells her about the trailer. Marissa's just like 'when can I move in?' No one gives Marissa enough credit!!!

Okay this is a straight up RM scene but in 3x01 when she offers to visit Trey in the hospital with Ryan, oof. "I would've gone with you" god!!!!!

I like the scene where she comes out to Summer in 2x13. It's super sweet. And various other Alex-related scenes.

Of course "the two loneliest people in Newport" scene with Seth in 2x03, an all time fave.

"Marissa brought bagels" in 2x07 my HEART (possibly the show's greatest-ever scene)

There are many others!

#ask #anonymous #marissa cooper #sry this isn't in order

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sixeyesgojo · 3 years ago

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HI NIE, happy 400 bb and let’s cheers to 400 more! 💞 For the milestone event, can I request Gojo with “Love me only till spring, like the warm breeze.” The song is actually about goodbyes and letting go of love so if you’re up for writing angst that’d be perfect. But if not, you can totally turn down this request! I love your blog and I hope you enjoy writing for your event 💛

spring breeze

Prompt: Love me only till spring, like the warm breeze.

Word count: 807 words

Character: Gojo Satoru

A/N: ...is this Lilac by IU- Thank you for requesting and wishing me another 400 followers, you're so precious! Just know... I'm always down for angst lmaoooo

What a beautiful day it was. The sun smiled down on Satoru as he walked through the park. If only you were here to enjoy it with me, he thought, that would have been so nice. He stopped in his tracks for a second, basking in the sunlight caressing his skin. It felt so nice and warm. Without a doubt, you would have loved this spring weather too.

Meeting you was a fateful encounter for Satoru. Two lonely souls met and created a connection so impossibly tragic yet wonderfully strong. Never had he guessed that the bond between you and him would blossom into something so beautifully fragile over the course of time.

“Gojo, look! It’s beautiful out here!” you exclaimed, twirling around in the park, underneath the sun, and the happiness was written all over your face. It hadn’t been long since you got to meet Gojo Satoru, yet the aura you exuded was powerful but gentle at the same time. He found himself oddly drawn to you. You were so full of life back then.

Of course, he could have started to distance himself right when you told him you didn’t have a lot of time left on this wonderful Earth (as you put it);

a terminal illness was gnawing at your life force without mercy.

He knew. Nevertheless, the force that drew him towards your bubbly personality didn’t let up in the slightest.

It was the contrary: soon enough, both of you were gravitating towards each other with such velocity – an asteroid couldn’t even compare – but the clash never came. It felt just right.

“Wait for me, I’ll come to you,” Satoru declared with a toothy grin and strode towards you. Due to unfortunate circumstances, your already feeble legs gave up on you, binding you to a wheelchair. “How nice of you, pretty boy,” you grinned. He pouted as he approached you, “You know I’m always the most gentle gentleman to ever gentleman! Ever!” Taking your hands in his, he squeezed them gently. Seeing you like this made a bittersweet feeling linger in his chest. Soon. He knew. He made a mental note to make every single moment you spent together worth it.

“Hey Satoru, can you promise me something?” you asked. Your fingers fidgeted as you sat in your hospital bed. The sparkle in your eyes, the life in them, had dulled over time. The once bubbly and utmost positive personality was replaced by fidgety hands and cold sweats. He pretended not to see or notice, so he wouldn’t make you any more uncomfortable. “Sure, anything,” the sorcerer replied. “Anything?” you asked. “Anything.” “In that case…” you began.

“‘Toru…” you weakly called out. “Yes?” the tall man responded without skipping a beat. He turned to you. Despite knowing the time of bidding farewell would soon approach, a smile stretched on his face. “Promise me… again…” Your hand blindly sought his. Satoru looped his long fingers with your weak ones, signaling that he was there, present with you. “I… I promise,” he vowed, the slight crack in his voice went by unnoticed by anyone but him. You gave him what was your best cheeky smile, considering your condition. “Thanks,” you rasped, “for everything, ‘Toruuuu. Love you... the moooooost, okay?” Right then, you fell into another peaceful slumber in your hospital bed.

It was on a beautiful spring day, he recalled, when he was notified of your passing. Of course, he had rushed to the scene as fast as he could. It wasn’t as if he didn’t see it coming but his chest still ached, longed for another fate. He had sworn he wouldn’t cry but his eyes betrayed him for once. He shed some tears when he said his last goodbye to you, clinging onto your lifeless hand. “Don’t be sad, ‘Toru,” your words rang in his head.

Meeting you was a fateful encounter for Satoru. Although it wasn’t meant to last, he knew that thanks to your comforting presence, his smile became brighter and his hands became warmer. “Hey, Y/N. Not sure if you’re watching from Heaven or something but… I’m doing well down here – as well as I can be at least. You know my line of work, but you also know I’m kinda tough! Anyway, I hope you’re doing well. Miss you the most, Y/N,” he spoke, facing the bright blue sky.

“Promise me that you won’t be sad when I’m gone, yeah? I want our memories to be fond ones for you,” you confessed, “This is not a curse but I swear if I see you be sad more often than not, I’ll come down to haunt your ass.”

He was a man who stayed true to his word. After all, you came to his life at the right time. Just like the warm breeze.

Taglist: @megumifushi @assbuttbaek @melonnbar @delammi @silversatoru

#nie answers #anon #400 followers milestone event #gojo satoru #gojo x reader #gojo satoru x reader #gojo #gojo imagine #gojo angst #jujutsu kaisen x reader #gojou x reader #gojou satoru x reader #tw: terminal illness

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kikis-writing-service · 10 months ago

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My heart! Firstly, the characterizations are spot-on! Shouto's straightforwardness and honesty shine through, emphasizing his typical stoicism and difficulty expressing emotions. Hints of his feelings appear through subtle actions like adjusting his hair or lingering gazes on the reader. Small but meaningful gestures, like bringing a hot drink after she's hungover or assisting with a dress strap, beautifully showcase his care. Shouto's contradictory nature is well-balanced, blending aloofness with surprising intimacy. His usual emotional restraint magnifies the impact of his New Year's Eve outburst, revealing a profound capacity for deep emotions beneath his reserved exterior.

Secondly, the writing skillfully captures the reader's confusion, longing, and heartbreak. It adeptly portrays the tension between the reader's emotions for Shouto and their friendship. The New Year's Eve scene is incredibly well-crafted, bringing out the intensity of emotions and the bittersweetness of the moment. Descriptions, like Shouto's mismatched socks and the cold stone railing, add a touch of realism and intimacy to the party and balcony scenes. The narrative unfolds with honest and raw emotions, reaching a climax in the final scene that leaves me with a profound sense of both betrayal and uncertainty about the future. There's potential for more angst, and while I can see the appeal of it remaining a stand-alone, there's also a compelling case for expanding on this captivating story.

Overall, this fic is well-written and emotionally engaging, showcasing an expert portrayal of complex emotions. For fans of emotional, angsty fics, consider this a must-read.

I loved these line so much, I can’t even put it into words:

You’ve never looked a little too long at the skin of his abdomen that peeks out when he takes off a sweater and his shirt rides up. Never woken up before him after falling asleep next to each other, and just admire him.

Shouto swallowed hard when you told him he was heartbreakingly pretty, his adam’s apple bobbing as he glanced around your face. Sober you apologized.

shouto todoroki x reader || wc: 2k

cw: no pronouns for reader but in a dress, 1 mention of drugs (a joint), alcohol, everyone’s a little tipsy, sfw

pls no minors or ageless blogs

You’ve kissed Shouto, once.

If anyone asked, you would say no. That they’re wrong, he’s been one of your closest friends for forever. You’ve never thought about him like that when your other friends want to hear something “hot,” oh my god, he’s your friend.

(You’ve gotten used to not looking at his face too much. He once adjusted his hair over his left eye when you were smoking together and you were staring at him. You asked him what was wrong and he asked if he had anything on his face as he took the joint from your hand. Shouto swallowed hard when you told him he was heartbreakingly pretty, his adam’s apple bobbing as he glanced around your face.

Sober you apologized.

Shouto still angles himself in his interviews, right side facing the cameras.)

Never known the feeling of his chest to yours as you breathe heavy breaths into each other’s mouths.

–it was New Year’s Eve.

Keep reading

#fic rec #reblogging again but with comments #this makes me want to write a shouto fic #he has such a heartbreakingly beautiful quality to him #but he's weirdly hard for me to write because we're so similar

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whimsywispsblog · 3 years ago

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Hauntingly Beautiful

A/N: Hello Wispies! So, here's a little one shot on Donna's alone time.

Trigger Warning: Depression, panic attack, hallucinations

Picture from residentevilfandom

'Tscchh'

'Tsschh'

The sounds of the pen engraving words on the surface of a rough paper filled the dark empty room. It was the only room in Donna's hillside Estate where she kept no dolls or anything but paper and writing pens. Not even Angie was allowed unless she wanted to write something out for herself. It was her private space- the place full of her life's mystery.

It was silent, so silent that she could hear her own beating heart. Donna's head swayed from side to side to the rhythm of her heartbeat- it was music to her ears. It was the only thing in her body that let her feel human- a tiny bit human. Her mouth opened partly, soft sounds of the vowel 'A' escaped from her lips in a specific tempo. It was the lullaby her mother used to sing to her. And somehow, combined with her heartbeat, it was a beautiful medley. Standing up from her chair, losing herself to her song, Donna gracefully spun around with little hand gestures, sweeping through the entire room. Until she stopped in front of her mirror. Her reflection.

There was something about Donna that both Angie and Mother Miranda (the only two people who have seen her without her veil) couldn't shake off. She was beautiful- hauntingly beautiful. She may not have been the objective definition of beauty, but some magnetism radiated off the naked flesh of her face. There was always something about her eye- a certain depth of emotional chaos that churned within her projected through her dark orbs. Even the scar couldn't take that bone-chilling charm away from her; rather, it heightened her enchanting spirit. It wasn't just in her face, no. It was there even in her voice. A voice that she rarely used outside the walls of her estate. A voice that could hypnotise anyone who hears it, like Death's lure to the graveyard. A Siren's Song.

It was a shame that the Dollmaker was never aware of the effect she has on whoever makes eye contact with her. Her hand traced the soft skin of her face, feeling each part of it. Her finger ran over the delicate flesh of her lower lip, pulling it down gently and letting it snap back up with a soft 'plop' sound. Finally, her hands reached the part of her face she despised the most. Her scar, now worsened by the cysts growing in it. 'Disgusting,' she thought. She tried to place a hand on the damaged flesh, looking at her reflection without it. She felt disturbed. 'It isn't something anyone should see.'

Tears sprang up in her eyes as she kept staring at herself, cursing her face. Just like how she was cursed by those children on the streets when she was younger. "Monster!" They would shriek, running away from her, as she looked down at her feet with wet eyes and tear-stained cheeks. She would hug Angie tighter and tighter, wishing for the pain, the hurt and the humiliation to go away. 'Go away. Go away. I want to go away. Forever.' Sadly, fate never fulfilled her longstanding wish. It had too many plans for her.

Something was wrong. Donna felt like...She couldn't stand. She kept tumbling; she felt as if she was in an earthquake, except that the Earth wasn't shaking. She rested her hand against the wall for support, slowly leaning herself down. She turned towards the mirror again, but she didn't see herself. She saw the children- the ones who taunted her for her scar. Her eyes widened in fear, her mouth open to let out a scream, but no sound came out. She felt a certain tightness in her chest, like something blocking the air from going in.

'MONSTER!'

'CURSED!'

'EVIL!'

Donna raised her hands to her ears, clamping them shut. She buried her face in her knees, whimpers and sobs escaping from her lips. "Make it stop!" She whispered to the voices around her that threw vile words at her. But the sounds grew louder and louder, almost to the point of making her deaf. Until a loud screech interrupted the voices. The sound of the screech pierced through her ears, a sharp pain jolting through them. She gritted her teeth in pain, wishing for everything to stop. Wishing to go away. And then came an unknown scream. It was a helpless scream.

The girl slowly opened her eyes to look at the mirror again. And this time, she saw herself screaming. She looked hideous. Donna stretched her hands out to the mirror, tracing the reflection. It was an attempt to soothe it, to make it stop screaming. "Shhh...Don't worry. No can help us except ourselves," She whispered to the reflection. These were the last words that her mother had muttered to her before her death. Mother's warm embrace. She missed her mother's touch. She missed burying her head in the soft flesh of her mother's breasts while the woman stroke her hair with extreme adoration and affection every time Donna cried. "You are different, beautifully different," She would whisper in her ears with that tender affection in her eyes. "Momma," She sobbed softly, wishing for the lost warmth. The one lost to Death forever.

The reflection stopped screaming, and now, it mimicked her. She stared at herself with an impassive expression. Once again, she traced her soft facial skin, but this time with the image of her mother in her mind. She had her mother's eye. She had her mother's nose. She had her mother's lips. She looked like her mother. She had her mother's face. A small bittersweet smile curled on her lips as she looked at herself for a little longer. She was a monstrous version of her mother. "I have an ugly face. An ugly face, but momma's."

Unaware to her, Angie witnessed the entire scene through the small opening of the door. A deep sigh escaped from her mouth as she decided to leave Donna alone to her thoughts. If only Donna knew how bewitching her face was. How entrancing her eyes were. How alluring her lips were. If only she knew about the enthralling effect she had on people she made eye contact with. She would have made the perfect siren if only she knew how dangerous her beauty was.

#donna beneviento #re8 village #resident evil 8 #resident evil village #re village #re8 karl heisenberg

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sitting-by-the-orange-trees · 3 years ago

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Brettsey appreciation week

Day 3 - Favourite longing looks or favourite parallels

When it comes to Brettsey’s longing looks, we have been spoiled.

For instance, this was probably one of the earliest heated looks between them where it was so obvious that they were on the road to endgame and it still one of my favourite Brettsey episodes. So much was being said without words and they were actually flirting. PIC Brett and Captain Casey, were flirting… the scandal 😱

How could you not find this shared moment ⬇️ cute… and again foreshadowing them as endgame. They’re at their friends’ wedding for Pete’s sake and they’re making eyes as words about friendship and love are being shared and in a room full of other people, they can’t take their eyes off of each other 🥰

This scene deserves an honorable mention 🏅 Casey bravely (kind of recklessly) is about to run into a burning building where there is an active shooter and his last thought is to look back at Brett, who is worriedly staring right back, forcing herself not to move towards him. They were so connected, I nearly always miss the concerned, and kind of pissed off look, Kidd throws Severide and they’re actually dating! Brettsey were both already in deep feelings by this point, it’s just made the slow burn pay off.

This scene also deserves a round of applause 👏 (season 8 was seriously the best!). Once again, Casey is in peril and Brett has to watch on as he puts himself in danger. As the fire dies down around him, he sought out Brett and she sighed in relief. It was just perfect, they care about each other so much and the fact that we didn’t even get a conversation between them about their feelings at this point just credits the acting as we can see their love for each other written across their faces.

9x16 was a close runner up. I mean, they’re just so soft…

🤯🤯🤯🤯

The whole episode, not just this scene, had so many looks shared between them but no we see a different kind of longing. Their gazes were heated and relaxed because finally, the frustrating distance was over and they had time to just enjoy being with each other.

But how could you not have the Molly’s scene in 9x02 as a favourite longing look for Brettsey?

9x02 was bittersweet. We had been on the slow burn journey for 2 seasons and more fool us to not think we were going to get another season of build up (but it was so worth it).

I just loved how Sylvie’s love is written right across her face. She already admitted her love earlier in the episode but to hear how Matt was so concerned for her well-being that he jumped out of a MOVING FIRE TRUCK sparked some hope (then panic) that he might reciprocate her feelings was just acted beautifully. She wanted to kiss him in this scene and had to remove herself!!!

It was almost intimate as the camera moved between them. They were in their own bubble and there is no doubt that the spark between them was about to ignite. That Casey look was back and he just seemed relieved that she knew what he’d done because in his mind, actions speak louder than words.

There were so many more longing looks I could’ve included, they’re just so shippable!

#brettseyweek #Brettsey week #chicago fire #brettsey #sylvie brett #matt casey

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aspoonofsugar · 4 years ago

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RWBY Chain Of Faves

Who are your top 10 favorite RWBY characters and why?

Hello anon!

Thank you very much for this ask! I love talking about faves!

1) The murder kids aka Emerald and Mercury

I have talked about them here and here and I’ve shared some minor thoughts here and here.

I think their story has yet to enter its climax, so the metas on them are not as finalized as those on other characters. Still, the set-up is all there and I love it. As I say in the metas linked, they are a unit (body and soul, weapon and semblance). They are also two of the characters who mostly explore the cycle of abuse (together with Cinder, who is both victim and perpetrator).

I like how they are given the chance to screw up very very badly (and are given consequences for their actions), but are also always framed as two kids who try to be toughter than they are.

What is more, I love their relationship and their dynamic with Cinder. I think both bonds are very complex and are shown rather than told. This is why Emerald and Mercury’s body language is very effective imo. Their closeness is mostly conveyed through them glancing at each other or how they move around each other. This makes sense because they are in a place where they can’t speak freely.

In particular, I like that their relationship is deep, but not idealized. They care about each other, but are too scared to save each other. This is why Emerald needs the help of an adult (Hazel) to leave her abusive environment. This is also why she is recovering in a healthier environment that also lets her understand the consequences of her actions better. At the same time, Mercury who is instead stuck with another abusive mentor can’t currently escape.

When it comes to each one of them individually...

Emerald’s design and semblance are among my personal favourites. Her semblance especially is at the very top of my list. It has so much potential thematically and flexibility in terms of use (invisibility, transformation, specific illusions fitting a character’s flaw). I hope they use it more and in diverse ways in the future to show Emerald’s growth. For example, how cool would it be if she used it to help another character overcome a panic attack? Or if she helped Ruby enter the mental state to use her eyes with it?

I also really like she has a specific fighting style that fits her thief motif and is very different from others. It is less scenographic, but very pragmatic and I love it.

I also liked the focus she received this season and I think it needs to be finalized. I am curious on how it will happen.

Mercury’s background is the one which breaks my heart the most. The little we know is horrible :( I also think it is a story that heavily relies on symbolism to convey the idea of abuse...

Marcus took Mercury’s legs, so he can’t psychologically escape the cycle of abuse... Marcus told Mercury he needs no crutches and Mercury is refusing to aknowledge his hurt and to heal... Marcus’s violence messed up Mercury so much he is not sure what he wants and his semblance is missing to underline it.

I wonder if we will discover more about his background or if what we have so far is all. I can see it go both ways to be honest. Also, Tyrian’s interactions with Mercury are interesting and meaningful, but also terrifying. I both want more and I am scared of having more :’’)

I am also looking forward to see how his allusion will be used. As for now, he has the potential to have at least three different motifs going on. The one of Mercury the God, the one of Mercury the metal and the one of Mercury the planet. Curious to see what is done with them!

Finally, I’m the One is one of my favourite songs because it is full of foreshadowing and perfectly conveys what their characters are about. I would love to properly analyze it one day, even if I have used it in multiple metas already :), so I am not sure I have new things to say.

The same can be said about their fight against Coco and Yatsuhashi and their fight with Cinder against Amber. In a sense, those two fights are complementary, since the first one foreshadows their major assets that are properly shown and charged symbolically in the second.

In short, their fight with Coco and Yatsuhashi is how they want to appear:

I'm the one that your mama said 'Don't mess with them or you'll end up dead That type they don't follow any rules'

Their fight against Amber is who they are deep down:

I'm the one That was born in a nightmare a murderer's son

I'm the one Who rose out of filth and was loved by no-one

3) Penny

She is the protagonist of the Atlas Volumes and has my favourite arc so far.

Her arc is contradictive, sad and powerful. In a sense, her whole character is written to hurt :’’’) She is given a happy and enthusiastic personality to hide how tragic her story is.

Penny is an example of how to write a specific kind of tragedy, where the main conflict does not lie in the character’s flaw, but in the environment she is in. Penny wants to be a “real” girl, but others won’t let her. This conflict escalates until she tragically manages to affirm her personhood in death.

At the same time, she is given self-issues that can be seen as a flaw and tie to her environment. She is self-sacrificial and struggles to see herself as a true person. Still, this flaw does not really drive her plotline (others’ control of her does) and, as @hamliet has stated, it does not eat everything around Penny.

So, she dies tragically because she never gets the chance, not even to overcome these self-issues, but to properly face them. At the same time, her death is powerful and cathartic because she negates others’ control and manipulation. She negates the mechanisms that had her develop self-issues to begin with.

Is it a happy outcome? Not at all. It is sad and contradictive. It is gray, but this is precisely why it is powerful. It manages to convey and explore complex and contradictive ideas. It does not offer an answer, but only bittersweet questions.

I also really like how Penny’s allusion is used in the story. It is played straight in terms of plot since Penny becomes human as the story goes on. However, it is problematized in terms of themes. It conveys that humanity is about making choices and experiencing both happiness and pain. Finally, Penny’s final scene is an inversion of the original novel.

Penny is not the Blue Fairy’s creation, but the Blue Fairy’s creator:

She goes from Creation (passive, a child) to Creator (active, an adult).

Incidentally, Penny too has one of my favourite songs. Friend is beautiful and it perfectly describes her arc. It conveys how much she loves humanity despite how complex and painful it is. The music starting slow and melancholic to gain more power as it goes on describes Penny’s life beautifully. It is a story that ends too soon (the music interrupts at its most vibrant), but it is still a melody full of love for life:

An answered prayer A chance to Share the world To be a girl Who fin'lly felt alive

4) Cinder

Cinder is probably the most complex and best written character so far.

She manages to make me feel for her and to make me incredibly angry with her at the same time :’’’)

I have written several metas on her, so you can read my thoughts on her background, the focus she received this volume, how I think her arc will end and some minor symbolism.

Cinder is built on an equilibrium between victim and perpetrator. She is both and the narrative strikes perfectly with its framing of her. It is both sympathetic and strict and most of all tragic because no matter if Cinder wins or loses... she keeps spiralling either way and she can’t understand she is fighting a worthless fight.

She is also full of interesting motifs and symbolism. One I would like to explore more in the future (and for it to be explored more by the story itself) is her fall motif.

She chooses the surname “Fall” herself when it is decided her first target is the Fall Maiden. This makes for a nice juxtaposition between her and Winter.

Cinder is born with nothing. Her own name refers a substance almost completely burnt, something with almost no color. It is a very humble name, so she chooses a surname which is important. It is a surname that hints to her role as a vessel of the Maidens.

She is not chosen to be a Maiden... she is not supposed to be one. However, she decides she is going to take the power even if it is not hers. She is taking destiny in her own hands.

Winter is born with apparently everything. However, this is also why everything gets decided for her. She is given the name Winter before she was born. Similarly, Ironwood chooses her as the Maiden even before she discovers about them.

Cinder sees Winter as having everything Cinder deserves. However, she misses how Winter is facing very similar struggles. She might be given what Cinder is negated, but she too has to make that destiny hers. She has to take her story in her own hands, just like Cinder.

At the same time, Cinder’s fall motif is linked also to the idea of falling. She falls and makes others fall. Exactly like she burns and is burnt. The orange of her flames aesthetically calls back to the orange of the falling leaves.

This idea is also conveyed through Cinder constantly mistreating and even killing characters representative of sides of herself.

She abuses Emerald and Mercury aka her child selves.

She kills Watts aka her negative foil.

She kills Pyrrha and Penny aka her Maidens’ foils.

It is clear that all this hurting and killing parts of herself won’t end well for her. I mean, she, not Salem, is the one responsible of the two major deaths in the series (Penny and Pyrrha), so she is bound to receive consequences.

Another thing I love about her is how her intelligence is people focused. She is very good at reading and manipulating others and this is how she wins her major fights. This is both her flaw and her major asset. I like it because I think RWBY is good in showing different kinds of intelligence and Cinder’s one is very coherent with her personality.

Finally, I love how her Cinderella allusion is used. It is a deconstruction of the original fairy tale that is born from a question: “What if Cinderella were not the kind victim of the story, but a bad victim?”. It is also interesting how the key character in Cinder’s allusion is not the Prince or the Stepmother, but the Fairty Godmother who fails her twice (Rhodes and now Salem).

As a side note, I can’t wait for The Truth to be out in its complete version.

5) Oscar

Aka the one who deserves nothing of what he gets :’’’)

I love him because he is an example of how to write a character who is a cinnamon roll, but that also is not boring and has complexity.

His struggle is about his sense of self. He starts the story by wishing to become more than what he is, but he does not like that this “more” turns out to be about fusing with another person. He wants to grow not to lose himself to another entity.

This is his major fear:

Who will you see? There in the darkness When no one is watching Who will you be? When you're afraid And everything changes Will you see a stranger? Feel proud or betrayed?

This is well conveyed also by his relationship with the rest of the group. He starts as the odd man out and others mostly rely on Ozpin rather than him. He sometimes even seems to disappear behind Ozpin. However, as time goes on, he forges genuine bonds and he becomes dependable on his own. He becomes even more so than Ozpin because he has something Oz lost out of cynism. The ability to trust.

In the Atlas volume he is the character that embodies the thematic statement about trust:

Oscar: You want him to trust us? Then trust me.

The point is that to be trusted you should trust first, even if there is no guarantee it will work.

It is interesting because the theme of trust is explored starting with Ozpin, Oscar’s foil, who does not trust others, so our protagonists feel betrayed. However, in Atlas they find themselves in Ozpin’s shoes and must choose if to trust Ironwood or not.

Here, we explore a form of conditional trust. This idea is presented by Ruby, who wants to be sure it is safe to trust Ironwood. So she keeps secrets and studies him until she decides she can trust him... only to discover that was not the case immediately after. This happens because trust can never be completely safe. Actually, in its most negative declination, this kind of trust becomes the control symbolized by Ironwood.

No matter what, trust is always a leap of faith. This is why trust is a risk. Oscar shows this concept well. He decides to still trust Ironwood at the end of volume 7, but it does not work. Still, he does not stop and decides to trust Emerald and Hazel. This time his trust and faith are repaid. He is fred and gains a new ally:

I love Emerald and Oscar’s interactions btw :’’’) It is good that Oscar is the one who is growing closer to her. They escape Salem together and Oscar has not been hurt by Emerald the same way the others are.

Anyway, even if trust is worth it, the exploration of this theme in Atlas actually ends on a negative note. It ends with Cinder who is an enemy of trust because she uses others’ trust and feelings against them.

Anyway, Oscar is a key character and I can’t wait for his story to develop more!

6) Ironwood

He breaks my heart.

He is a an excellent tragic Hero.

He thinks he is the Great Good, but this is precisely why he spirals out of control and falls with his own Kingdom, hated by his allies and forgotten by his enemies.

His downfall stems from his inability to trust, his refusal of emotions, his single-mindness and mostly his convinction he is better than others. This idea is structural of Atlas society and is seen in many of his inhabitants. No matter the social class, we see multiple people thinking they deserve better and that they are above others. This is why Atlas falls and his people becomes refugees in the poorest Kingdom of Remnant.

Anyway, Ironwood thinks he is better than others, so he should be the one deciding for others as well. This idea is flawed and perfectly conveyed through his ideology of sacrificing everything. He feels he has everything, so he can sacrifice what he wants. Still, this is not the case. Others’ lives and feelings are not his. He doesn’t own them.

7) Weiss

I love Weiss. She has one of my favourite designs and one of my favourite semblances and fighting styles.

Her snowhite allusion being played to explore the idea of a dysfunctional family is very good.

In general, I love how much she has grown slowly, but steadily and how she has progressively become warmer. I enjoyed her interactions with her siblings this season. She also gets many moments where she shines for her humanity and intelligence.

She is both Snowhite and the Prince, but also the Huntress that changes and makes others change. She becomes an inspiration for her whole family and since the Schnees are all in Vacuo and she will eventually join them, I am curious if there is going to be more about their family dynamic.

Other than this, I am excited about her Nevermore summon, what is means symbolically and when she will use it.

8) Ruby

I think Ruby’s arc must still enter its climax and that she will shine towards the end of the series.

That said, I love her as a protagonist. She has an interesting set of skills that makes her competent, but not invincible. Moreover, I like how she is important and a participant of the plot, but also does not single-handedly solves everything by herself. She has to learn just like the others. For example, this volume she learns that trust is a risk and the importance of taking risks.

Moreover, she is actually very rarely the protagonist of a volume climax. Speaking of the most climatic volumes, Pyrrha is the protagonist of the climax in volume 3, Yang and Raven are in volume 5, Penny in volume 8.

The climax where she is the most in focus as a character is volume 6 and that is the volume where her eyes are explored and her personal arc is set up. That said, she still manages to be important and to contribute to the action in many ways.

I think her role is to inspire others and I guess that by making that speech this volume she is gonna grow into a symbol even more. If that happens it will be interesting to see what this means for her.

Apart from this, I am curious about her subplot with her mother and if it will tie to her choice to save Cinder with her eyes (since I think this is where we are going). She is going to be both Hood and the Huntsman who kills the Wolf and saves the Victim.

9) Nora and Ren

They are my favourite canon romance.

Their story starts with Ren getting focus (with Nora as a support) and is slowly shifting to Nora developing as her own person (with Ren as a support).

It fits for them to be one of the series main romances because as characters they both explore the concept of emotions and emotional intelligence.

I would say Nora is one of the most emotional intelligent characters in the cast. She is aware of her own feelings for Ren and tries to push their story forwars. She quickly picks up on Pyrrha’s crush and encourages her to make a move. Honestly, she sees herself as a dumb jock, but she is far from it. She is one of the wisest and most sensitive characters:

Nora: You shove people out so you don’t have to feel things that are hard!

Ren is ironically the one struggling with feelings, even if his semblance is all about emotions. In a sense, it is as if he develops it precisely because he struggles with this part of himself.

As a child he is easily overwhelmed by emotions like fear, which goes in the way of his actions. So, when he is under stress he deveops a magical power that lets him control this part of himself. However, as time goes on, it becomes more and more obvious that he should face his own feelings. And once he faces them:

Ren: No! No one is replaceable.

Then he becomes able to see both himself and others more clearly.

In general, both Ren and Nora must overcome their issues if they want to end up together.

Ren’s issue was his fear of being completely vulnerable and to open up with another person. Nora’s is her complete dependance on Ren and how she sees herself as only a part of him, while she is much more.

As a side note, Ren finally confessing his feelings for Nora only to be (temporally) rejected is a great note for his character arc. He was repressing his feelings out of fear, but now he has grown enough to take a risk (opening up, showing vulnerability). Well, this risk does not pay off immediatley. Nora asks him for some time and this is surely not how Ren would have hoped things to go. Still, he understands and supports her. He takes an emotional risk that does not pay off immediately, but he is able to live with it.

In terms of writing, I also think Raven is top notch. Moreover, Winter is a lowkey favourite as well.

I also like some minor characters like Ilia, whose background is built on a very interesting premise that fits her chameleon motif, and Whitley who manages to be helpful even if he is not a fighter. Velvet also has a cool weapon and semblance that tie with her photography motif.

I also love Yang, Blake and Jaune aka the other members of the main cast.

In terms of design, many of my favourites have also my favourite designs (Emerald, Weiss, Mercury, Cinder, Penny, Winter, Ruby, Ren and Ilia).

Other than them, I love Neo’s design, characterization and fighting style: