I noticed this a while back and It's even worse when I think of these scenes, and their pacing and read it as Ivan glancing at Till in that moment and being reminded of those days back in their childhood when Till would have a bad day Ivan could easily go over and try to 'cheer him up'
And then he comes to remember where they are, and that they aren’t those kids anymore
ugly sobs
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Thinking about how few shits Stede gives about the distress of the crew really makes the bathtub scene hit even fucking harder like Lucius keeled over in front of him and he was just annoyed fuckery rehearsal was interrupted but Ed has a flashback and panics and he breaks open his own fucking door and sinks to his knees beside him and says Ed’s name in the tenderest voice and I am oN fIrE
Oh you’re dying Lucius? Inconvenient and rude. Ed is upset?!?! Fuckery, what fuckery ARE YOU OK EDWARD would you feel better if I tell you that you’re good at maiming people please don’t cry I’ll forgive you for planning to murder me I’ll do anything to stop you looking so desperately sad let me just touch you gently let me make it better
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with the caveat that we don’t know the ending yet and it might destroy me!--
i’ve actually really loved roman and gerri’s arc this season. it has been painful and miserable (what hasn’t??), but oh! the way it reveals the persistent, inconvenient depth of their feelings for each other over and over! i think their scenes this season have added a lot of depth to their bond that wouldn’t have existed if we’d just stopped with the end of season three; in season three, i think it was pretty easy to still question the full extent of gerri’s emotional investment in roman because she was so committed to seeming strictly professional, but they’re both fully in the mess this season -- even if gerri is still making smart choices to mostly get herself out of it -- and i cherish that. and i think each of their scenes has been really beautifully acted and full of fascinating nuance, and the entire fact of all the angst being rooted in roman having briefly stood up to logan because hurting gerri was so awful for him (and gerri not knowing that happened!) ... i just think it’s been really good! it’s such an aching portrayal of affection that has nowhere to go because the environment it exists in is totally antithetical to it. (which is, of course, extremely on theme for this whole show!) every single scene ending with one of them walking away and the other one feeling the weight of their absence!
like, ideally this will continue to be well-written and all be wrapped up in a satisfying way somehow (though who the hell knows what ‘satisfying’ looks like in this context), but at least we will always have the hurt and anger and mess and yearning! all these things not of a professional nature.
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