#This scene always gives me warm and fuzzy feelings of comfort and nostalgia

[astralhope]

- Ehi you, are you alright? -

- Let's win. -

- Uh!? -

- Leviathan Dragon, attack that face down defense position monster! -

- Like I said, this is so suppose to be my duel! -

Yuma and Astral in episode 6

[tinyhistory]

Hey! Love your stories so much I just had to ask! Do you have any favorite drarry authors/stories? I sometimes compare the quality of other stories to ROA (oops!) because ROA is just that good. My personal favorites are ROA (of course!), the Foundations Series (saras_girl), the ordeal of being known (louisfake), denouement (the_never_was), Good to Me (And I'd Be So Good to You) (AWickedMemory), and To Hurt and Heal (cassisluna). Have you read these? Have a wonderful day! :)

Thank you, so glad you’ve enjoyed my stories! And thank you for so patiently waiting for a reply. I haven’t been online much in the past couple of weeks. Unfortunately I haven’t read any of your recs, but I’m always happy to add another fic to my to-read list.

I did a rec post a few months ago, but I’ll post an updated version now. The Skyhawke Archives appear to be down, which is crushing news. I’ve had to update a lot of the links.

So here are my favourite Drarry fanfics:

And We Are At Our Apogee (PG-13) by angelgazing

Summary: Draco wanted revenge, but it didn't work out that way.

My notes: Californian beaches, supermarkets, road trips, and a bittersweet ending.

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A Reckless State of Mind (T) by Lomonaaeren

Summary: Draco is a Psyche-Diver, and his newest patient is Auror Potter, who’s been a pathological liar for over a year—and has just tried to violently end his own life.

Notes: The plot alone guarantees inclusion on this list. Probably the most creative fic I’ve ever read, and the twists and turns will keep you guessing.

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Berlin, In the Year of Our Lord (PG) by Are

Summary: Harry is a green-tea addict. Draco stalks him.

Notes: Probably my all-time favourite fic, along with Blue Vase. It’s sparse and minimal and I love that writing style.

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Blue Vase (M) by ivyblossom

Summary: Let’s pretend.

Notes: Draco finds an amnesiac Harry and befriends him, pretending they were once lovers. It’s pensive, short, and bittersweet.

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The Boy Who Only Lived Twice (E) by lettered

Summary: Harry Potter is an Unspeakable. Draco Malfoy is the wizard who shagged him. Adventure! Intrigue! Secret identities, celebrities, spies! It's all right here, folks.

Notes: Action-heavy fics are damn hard to write, but lettered nails it. The action scenes are breakneck speed, the conversations are threaded with double meaning, and even the silences are tense.

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Draco in Darkness (T) by Plumeria47.

Summary: Following an accident in his seventh year, Draco loses his eyesight.

Notes: This is one of the first fics I ever read (when it was over on FF in 2003) so it’s probably here just for nostalgia points alone. I read it when I was a kid and just thought it was a lovely golden fairytale, the best romance I’d ever read in my (very short, thus far) life. I love reading it again, even years later as an adult when I can see the tarnish on it; the things my childhood eyes didn’t notice. I don’t care. It’s my soft and fuzzy comfort fic.

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The Flesh is Frail (NC-17) by wildestranger

Summary: None

Notes: Draco has injuries from curses and spells, and Harry keeps him company. Draco is angry; Harry is stubborn. They argue their way into a grudging relationship. It’s a short read and well worth your ten minutes.

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Good-bye to Yesterday (NC-17) by furiosity

Summary: Draco felt ready to face even a million years in Azkaban as long as it meant that at the end of it all, he would make Potter pay.

Notes: It’s not a dark fic, but it certainly dips in and out of the shadows. If you like your romance to be sharp as a razor and bitter as black coffee, give it a read.

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Hymn to Color (PG) by Lomonaaeren

Summary: Months after Draco cast a curse that took Harry’s eyesight, Harry is still trying to come to terms with it. Draco still wanted forgiveness, which was probably the problem.

Notes: Probably my very inadequate idea of “fluff”. It’s a quiet, introspective fic. Draco and Harry are well-written.

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Kings among runaways (PG) by enderxenocide.

Summary: Later, the toast will be slightly overcooked, Draco will burn the eggs, and there will be another fist fight in-between the living room and the front door, but they’ll eat breakfast with second-hand plates and Draco’s great-grandmother’s silverware.

Notes: Dreamy descriptions, abstract scenes, and the characters are lovingly delineated. Beautiful writing.

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On Broken Glass (PG-13) by coffeejunkii

Summary: After the final battle, Draco is holding the shards that are left of his and Harry’s life.

Notes: Established relationship. Harry’s forgetful and seems to suffer both short-term and long-term memory loss; Draco stays by his side through six years of post-war amnesia. Very short, just a tiny ficlet. There’s sequels (in bite-size pieces) but I prefer to read the first ficlet and leave it there.

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Paper Dolls (M) by cupiscent

Summary: In the final year of the War, Draco gets a letter, makes a choice and pays the price.

Notes: Short, succinct, and packs a punch. No character deaths, in case the summary has you feeling nervous.

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Portrait (PG-13) by Silent Blast

Summary: None.

Notes: Dorian Grey, but Drarry. Of course it’s going to be good.

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Shattered (NC-17) by femmequixotic

Summary: One damned accident involving one too-lucky curse, and suddenly you'd think he was five again, with their Harry, be carefuls and their quick Levitating charms ready the instant the potion gives way and his rebelling hands lose hold of whatever's in their grasp.

Notes: Draco’s an artist. Harry’s intrigued by his sculptures and paintings.

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Snatch (PG-13) by didntyoupotter

Summary: Harry is comatose, Hermione and Ron aren’t much help, and Draco isn’t sure about anything anymore.

Notes: The opening scene fools you into thinking this will be a light read with a streak of good humour. Don’t fall for it. By the third act, you’ll be hanging onto every word and feeling a lot of emotions. Also, back in the day, this was one of the Draco/Harry fics. Everyone knew of it. Pay your respects to your fandom history and read this beloved classic.

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The Stages of Acceptance (T) by Lomonaaeren.

Summary: Harry, already happily married to Ginny, receives the news that he's Draco's mate. Law and custom don't give him the option of ignoring the news. The stages of his reaction, one by one.

Notes: This is not a romance, and I love that the author just casually chucks all the Veela tropes in the bin and says “nope”. In Lomonaaeren’s own words, this fic is more practical than romantic. Harry is unfamiliar with the Veela concepts and hates the very idea of being “shackled” to someone; he rejects Draco at once. Draco is miserable and lonely. They do eventually come to understand each other better, but it’s a huge struggle with lots of setbacks. The general air of pessimism and misery does make the small glimpses of compassion and empathy feel so well-earned. I love a fic that rations out its happiness.

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The Stately Homes of Wiltshire (E) by waspabi

Summary: Malfoy Manor has mould, dry rot and an infestation of unusually historical poltergeists. Harry Potter is on the case.

Notes: This one needs no introduction. The writing is polished, the characterisation perfect, and the dialogue is fun. I love the humour woven throughout it.

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Then Comes a Mist and a Weeping Rain (E) by faithwood.

Summary: It always rains for Draco Malfoy. Metaphorically. And literally. Ever since he had accidentally Conjured a cloud. A cloud that's ever so cross.

Notes: Another one that most of us know. It’s a lighthearted and fun read.

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Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow (M) by novembersnow

Summary: In the war-torn years after Hogwarts, one man has no knowledge of his yesterdays.

Notes: Another classic back in the feverish heyday of the Harry Potter fandom, when books were still being released and everyone had worked themselves up into a shipping frenzy. And no wonder this fic was an instant hit. Draco has lost all his memories and Harry’s investigating as an Auror, but the longer you read, the more you start questioning everything. Good twists and turns that lead to a tender ending.

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Turn by Saras_Girl

Summary: One good turn always deserves another. Apparently.

Notes: An inevitable inclusion on any favourites list. I think my favourite thing about it is the characterisation. Everyone is so well-rounded; the characters are brought to life and feel like old friends. All their habits, styles, mannerisms, even the way they walk or talk. While I love everyone in this fic, I have to admit that Blaise is just amazing. Of all the thousands of Blaises imagined by fanfic writers, I love this one the best. “Old bean” indeed.

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Under the Ivy (PG-13) by coffeejunkii

Summary: It is impressive how much you can learn about someone by simply sharing a few rooms. They don’t spend time together, not really, but Harry still knows that Malfoy prefers raspberry jam over strawberry, that he hums along to the Wireless when he thinks no one is around, and that his leg is bothering him more than usual when the temperatures drop below freezing.

Notes: Another old, old favourite of mine. It’s like snuggling into a soft blanket. Remus owns a cottage and Harry moves in after the war. Later, Remus lets a room to Draco, who is an outcast after the war and has limited housing options. Harry isn’t happy at first with the new lodger, but he eventually warms up to Draco. A slow and gentle romance.

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Vale Sanare (M) by rurounihime

Summary: Draco’s world gains a new component, just when he thought he’d sorted everything out.

Notes: London nightclubs, one-night-stands, loud music and lonely nights. Draco has seizures due to a curse from the war, and the seizures have led to a fear of intimacy. Short and sweet.

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The Way Down (T) by lettered

Summary: Malfoy’s all, “Come out of there,” the way you say to a cat who is badly behaved. And Harry’s all like, “No, what, I’m a hermit! And I have a chest-monster! And I am crazy magically powerful!” and Malfoy’s all, “We all have problems, bub.” (thoughtfully) “You are crazy though. I’ll give you that.”

Notes: I just adore this fic. The fic starts well-grounded, giving you a solid backstory and matter-of-fact context, but as it goes on, it slowly unravels into dreamy scenes, lush settings, and repeated motifs. It’s just such a beautiful story.

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When Love beckons to you, follow him (PG-13) by megyal

Summary: Draco wakes up, lost, somewhere in a forest. He has no idea where he is or how he got there. As he is blundering around trying to find his way home, he hears Harry's voice in his head, telling him what to do.

Notes: I generally like my fics to be bittersweet or with a bit of heartache — but this fic is just a little cloud of softness. If you need something light and lovely without being syrupy-sweet, this is a good choice!

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The World of the Living (M) by fourth_rose

Summary: A traumatised war hero and a convicted criminal under the roof of an eccentric journalist make for a rather odd ensemble, but Luna has never had a problem with oddities as long as they make sense.

Notes: The story is told from Luna’s perspective, which gives everything a lovely dreamy quality. She takes in a couple of strays after the war — first Harry, who is avoiding his other friends and has quit his Auror job — and then she offers a room to Draco right after his trial. Draco is rude, angry, and ungrateful; Harry is churlish, withdrawn, and moody. Luna doesn’t seem to mind in the slightest, and over the course of the next few months, her house guests slowly warm up to each other.

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Voices From the Fog (E) by noeon

Summary: After years of running away, Harry crosses paths with an all-too familiar face and follows him to Amsterdam.

Notes: Harry drifts across Europe, trying to forget the war. He ends up in a woodworking shop in Amsterdam, alongside a moody Draco. Atmospheric settings and solid characterisation.

[fandomsnfluff]

Hello, Noah! If it's not too much trouble, could I request a pillow fight turns into a tickle fight + "be careful what you wish for" with Simeon and, hehe, Lucifer, please? Platonic!

If you want, you can choose just one of them ! Also, if you want me to chance anything, please let me know! 😊 Thank you!

hi mia!! not a problem, of course i can do this, thanks so much for your request!! and LMAO THIS TURNED OUT SO LONG WAAA 😭

tickle prompts/scenarios

◦◦,`°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°`,◦◦

Lucifer had found himself in a predicament. Again.

And amazingly, it wasn’t the fault of his brothers.

In fact, his brothers had absolutely nothing to do with this. Diavolo had invited him, and him alone, to somewhat of a mini-party with Barbatos and some of the Purgatory Hall residents. Solomon, Luke, and Simeon were also going to attend; it would be a nice getaway from his 24/7 full-time oldest brother job. He let out a sigh of relief when he approached the castle entrance, but it was short-lived; he knew that he would very soon have to return to his normal life once the party was over.

In fact, Diavolo had invited the residents to spend the night if they wished. As nice as the invitation was to Lucifer, he didn’t think he could get away with spending even a single night away from his six rowdy younger brothers. He needed to be there to assess them, particularly Asmo and Mammon, for their “night routines,” but in very different ways. Asmo always asked him what kind of lotion he should use before going to bed, and he needed to monitor any crazy, late-night spending Mammon may plan to do.

However, it wasn’t completely off the table. If he decided he really wanted a break, he could always text Mammon to make sure he got everyone in place for the night. He shuddered at the thought, though; why, oh why did the second-born have to be so immature? He figured Satan may be a better candidate, the one brother besides him with at least a fraction of a brain cell, but alas, that thought as well made his skin crawl; contacting the one he had a bit of an internal rival with would definitely put a nick on his pride.

But he shrugged off the thoughts; it was now time to enjoy some nice tea and warm pajamas with a few of his closest friends.

Of course, Lucifer could never, ever let his brothers see him walk around so casually in his pajamas; he would never hear the end of it. So he just brought them as a change of clothes with him to Diavolo’s castle.

“Ah, you’re here,” Barbatos commented as he opened the door in response to Lucifer’s knock. “I’ll take you right over to the dining hall. Lord Diavolo and the others are waiting for you there.”

“Thank you,” Lucifer responded, following the butler into the rather large, well-kept dining hall. The long table in the center of the room was decorated in lighter shades of blues, yellows, and reds, which was a bit different than its usual red-and-gold scheme. He widened his eyes when he noticed a jumble of balloons tied to a table at the side of the room, which appeared to be an appetizer table with various kinds of teas, cookies, and other goodies. Yet another interesting contrast to the elegance of the room (and, well, let’s be honest, the whole castle). Diavolo definitely had his moments, didn’t he?

“Good evening, Lucifer,” Simeon greeted him respectfully. “Barbatos made his special tea earlier, and it’s really good tonight. Would you like some?”

“Good evening to you as well,” Lucifer responded. “That sounds lovely.”

Barbatos quickly reached over and grabbed the tea kettle, which must have come fresh off the pot, before walking to Lucifer’s side of the table and pouring it into his teacup. When it was halfway full, a sharp voice called from the other end of the room.

“Barbatos!” It was Diavolo. “Don’t feel pressured to serve them all like that tonight. We can help ourselves, and you can feel free to join us.”

“Yes, my Lord.” There was no hesitation in Barbatos’ voice as he placed the kettle back on the table before turning to Lucifer. “Would you be okay serving yourself?”

“Not at all.” Lucifer fought back the urge to tease the butler by saying ‘you heard your master,’ but he stopped himself.

Diavolo was humming to himself as he walked over to an empty seat near Lucifer, letting out a content sigh as he sat down. It wasn’t until he sat down that Lucifer noticed what he was wearing: a very large black hoodie, plaid red sleep pants, fuzzy gray slippers, and, of course, red bunny ears. Lucifer was truly shocked, but at the same time, he had to bite back a laugh.

“I have so many ideas for tonight,” Diavolo exclaimed, reaching for the tea and giving Lucifer a nod as a greeting. “As soon as we finish up here, we can maybe play some cards or chess and go watch a movie. What do you all want to do?”

“I’m good with anything, as long as we get to watch a movie,” Simeon commented, taking a bite of one of the special newt cookies.

“Me too!” Luke agreed.

“I’m just enjoying this tea at the moment, so I’ll think about it for a bit longer. But I’m okay with anything,” Simeon commented after taking another sip from his teacup.

“I’m also okay with anything,” Lucifer added.

“Speaking of which, Lucifer...” Diavolo narrowed his eyes, looking at his friend. “You’re not in your pajamas. You wouldn’t happen to not dress up because of your pride, would you?”

Was that a teasing note in his voice? Yes, there definitely was. Lucifer looked away, fighting a slight blush rising in his cheeks. “My brothers would question me until the day I die if I walked out of the house wearing pajamas so freely like you all are,” he muttered. “I was planning on changing here, if that’s all right with you.”

“Feel free,” Diavolo responded. “You can go up to my room now if you like.”

“That sounds good.” Lucifer stood up, making sure to grab his belongings and respectfully nodded his head to everyone else in the room before heading to Diavolo’s room.

It didn’t take long to sniff out the room and get changed. Lucifer admired himself in the mirror for a bit; how long had it been since he had worn actual pajamas? He wanted to do it more often, though; they were too comfortable to completely shove the thought away.

The rest of the night actually didn’t drag by like Lucifer had originally feared; the group of six managed to get through a game of Uno (or the Devildom version) relatively quickly, and by the time they were done, they could sense the urgency to watch the movie radiating off of each other.

Diavolo led the way to the movie room, which proved to be another surprise for Lucifer. He had lost count of the number of times he had gone into that room, but it was completely decked out in pillows, blankets, and other soft chairs and couches that looked completely new.

“So soft!” Luke whispered as he fell over into a pillow, nuzzling his face into the fluff. Simeon chuckled before taking a seat on the couch next to him. Lucifer decided to join him there, unable to hold back a soft sigh as he practically sank into the furniture.

Lucifer barely knew he was dozing off until he heard a rather loud and uncharacteristic “oof!” from Simeon, who was sitting to his left. He was a jolted back awake with a start, sitting up to get a better look at the scene.

“How could you, Luke?!” Simeon sobbed dramatically, grabbing a pillow and slamming it down on Luke’s body. “I thought we were friends!”

“We were until I started this fight!” The angel boy shot back, but the two quickly dissolved into laughter as they continued to attack each other with pillows.

Nostalgia soared through Lucifer’s body watching the scene; he couldn’t remember the last time he had a good, substantial pillow fight with his brothers. Mammon and Asmo wouldn’t hesitate to start one normally, so why had it taken them so long to? Was he that scary, or something?

He was broken out of his thoughts when something hit him in the face again, just as he had begun to doze off. Immediately he knew what had happened, and Simeon, the culprit, instantaneously knew that he had messed up. And he had messed up hard.

“L-Lucifer...?” Simeon whispered in a small voice. “I-It was an accident--”

“Join us, Lucifer!” Luke interrupted, calling to the demon excitedly.

Lucifer smirked, feeling the hairs at the back of his neck rise. He knew he was just being playful, but it was still something his body did when it sensed impending danger. He grabbed the closest pillow to him and immediately held it up as he approached the two angels. He smirked down at Luke. “Be careful what you wish for!”

The room exploded into a pool of feathers, flying pillows, and demons and angels jumping up and down and running away from one another. Unfortunately, Lucifer didn’t get to strike at Luke, for Simeon hit him with another pillow just as the two angels stood up and began running around the room, trying to get away from the demon. But Lucifer was relentless; he was determined to hit someone with a pillow tonight. Someone truly deserving of his wrath.

He did pause, however, when he noticed that the angels were becoming out of breath; Lucifer wanted a fair fight where he didn’t have to wail on already exhausted opponents. The three of them plopped on the couch together, and as soon as Lucifer noticed Simeon getting his energy back, he sneakily reached for the closest pillow, hoping that the angel wouldn’t notice. But Simeon was faster; he must have noticed the demon moving at the corner of his eye, for before Lucifer could strike, Simeon had reached for his outstretched leg, lightly skittering his fingers along the bottom of his foot.

Lucifer let out a high-pitched noise of surprise, something that sounded between a yelp and a squeak. He heard Luke gasp as he flinched his leg away so hard that he found himself rolling over the edge of the couch. His head landed on the pillow in his arms, however, and he quickly flipped over on his back before pulling his legs back towards him.

Simeon and Luke were staring at him, pure shock on their faces. Lucifer could barely stand to look at them; he knew that he was blushing, and it was so unfair that they had to find out about...this, in this way.

“Lucifer...” Simeon breathed out, sounding beside himself. But he had a pillow in his hand, and little by little he was inching towards the flustered demon. “Don’t tell me...”

“No.”

“That you’re..”

“No!”

“Ticklish?”

“Stop this nonsense right now.”

“You’re not getting away from me.” Simeon now had a smirk on his face that made him look like anything but an angel. Before Lucifer could protest any further, the pillow that the other was holding was thrown down onto his face, and the angel began his attack on the demon’s lower body.

Lucifer was about to let out a squeak before his hand came up to shield his mouth as the angel began to torture his knees and his feet. He could barely hold back a muffled squeal as the fingers raked up and down the arches of his feet, quickly moving to attack the undersides of his knees and back again. The demon kicked and thrashed his head from side to side, trying to dislodge Simeon, but despite him being one of the strongest beings in the whole Devildom, he still couldn’t manage to shake the angel off of his legs.

“S-Simeon...!” Lucifer gasped at a sudden break in the attack when the angel reached up to playfully throw the pillow on his head again. “Y-You better stop this right now, or I’ll--”

“Or what, Mr. Ticklish?” Simeon teased. Who the hell does he think he is? Right as he said this, he reached up to playfully skitter his fingers along Lucifer’s lower sides.

That was what did it; a high-pitched squeal ripped from the demon’s throat, and even as he tried to muffle his voice with both of his hands at this point, the laughter just wouldn’t stop; he never knew that such a light motion could elicit such sounds out of him like this. He didn’t remember ever being this ticklish, not even as a kid. At least this wasn’t Diavolo; if it had been the demon prince himself, he knew he would be absolutely screwed. But the motions still tickled like hell to him, regardless if it was coming from Simeon or not.

“Riled up now, are we?” Simeon teased, letting up on his attack. Beneath him lay a tired Lucifer, a pillow half-covering his face and chest, panting from the attack. At first, the demon didn’t respond verbally; his reply to the attack came in physical form, just like what Simeon did to him originally.

“You will pay for that.” Lucifer’s voice came out as a low growl, and Simeon was about to call for help until it came out as a strained laugh.

“W-wahahahait, Luhucifeheheher!” Simeon cried as the demon reached for his exposed sides. As soon as the contact was settled, the angel let out a shriek of laughter and began to squirm, kicking and punching and doing whatever he could to get himself out of Lucifer’s friggin’ iron grip. It was needless to say that the angel was much, much more ticklish than he was.

The whole rest of the night was filled with tickles, laughter, pillow wars, movies, and funny stories. But Lucifer didn’t mind. He even called up Mammon to tell him that he was going to stay the night. His mood was up for it, and he had his group of very close friends to thank for it.

[angrylizardjacket]

nostalgia {Ben Hardy/Reader/Joe Mazzello}

Anon asked: i would love to see a little story or like some headcanons about a lazy day with joe/ben/reader. i feel like that would be really cute.

A/N: 1141 words. Just a fluffy little thing, I hope you like it! I’ve missed them v much.

They love you, and that’s what matters. 

The days are long when they aren’t around, long and lonely and sometimes cold; it could be the middle of Summer, but there’s a chill in the air when they aren’t there. 

Of course they’re busy, they’re talented and successful, and you’d never begrudge them that, but you... you just like having them around, and that’s not a crime. Sometimes you’re the busy one, and you quietly ache to be in the comfort of their embrace. But such is life, we all do things we don’t want to do, we all learn to go without the ones we love when we must. 

Being spread to the far corners of the globe doesn’t feel fair, though. You’re at home, because you work from home, you can film your videos anywhere, but Ben’s on a cathedral roof in Italy judging by his most recent selfie, and Joe’s filming somewhere in the middle of America. There’s calls and video chats but it’s never the same.

Ben invests in some of those bracelets that let each of you feel when one is thinking about the others, a familiar pressure; I’m right here, no matter how far away. It helps.

Or one’s away, and you’re curled up with Ben in your living room and you don’t remember who suggested watching Jurassic Park, but now you just miss Joe more, and it’s four in the morning where he is, but he answers your video call, and sleepily chuckles when you explain what you’re watching. He asks to watch the last half hour, and so you obligingly turn the camera around so he can see the TV, and the phone is tucked neatly between where you’re tangled up with Ben, and something about the way seeing him fall asleep before he gets the chance to hang up is so damn endearing. He wants so badly to be with you both. You know he’s missing you just as much as you’re both missing him.

There’s endless selfies, and recordings that you send each other - Ben air drums when any Queen song comes on the radio, you do funny voices when washing up, making up a whole storyline for the cutlery, something about the mafia and needing to waterboard them for information - it’s kinda dark, but also funny, and it makes both Ben and Joe smile. Joe sends you guys a video of himself talking to a home made sock puppet, asking it if he should come home early, because he misses you both. The sock puppet reminds him that he’s under contract, and that it’s only for a few more weeks. The video still makes you cry.

When it’s you and Joe, there’s videos sent of the pair of you scouring the internet for Ben’s episodes of East Enders, and arguing about if the shady streaming site will give your laptop a virus. You kiss Joe to shut him up. Ben’s answering photo is of himself, on set, half blushing and covering his smile with his hand, captioned that there’s a USB in his desk drawer with a few episodes on it. He seems embarrassed but endeared. He also gets photos of you pouting with Cardboard Ben, ‘it’s just not the same’ you message, and he sends back ‘good, i don’t want him stealing you guys from me’. 

“Is it hard always being away from your... your partners?” The interviewers always flounder when they talk to any of you about your relationship, but you’ve all learned to navigate it. Joe flushes and ducks his gaze, smiling a little.

“It’s always hard, but we’re all in the same industry so we all kind of understand; we’ve got this thing we do, we watch old stuff that the others have been in, when we’re away, like the other day, Y/N and Ben sent me a video of them watching Undrafted, it was really sweet actually,” he admits, and the interviewer coos at that, asking him what he’d watched recently, “well,” Joe starts with an embarrassed little smile, “don’t tell her I do this, but I go back and I watch The Boyfriend Tag video on Y/N’s youtube channel that we did; I dunno, it just makes me all warm and fuzzy,” he flusters a little. 

You have that interview downloaded and saved onto your phone.

It’s hard being away from each other, but it makes it all the sweeter being back together. 

Ben and Joe surprise you at the airport after you get back from London Fashion Week, holding a sign with your name in big, block letters, and yeah it kind of attracts a crowd, but it’s the thought that counts. They’re peppering you with questions, asking you what your favourite outfit was, what your favourite moment was, if you stayed at a nice hotel.

“Can’t be better than our place,” Joe snorted, and he’s got his arm around your shoulders in the back of the Uber, and you smile, lean into him, press your nose to his cheek.

“Never.”

“Oi, don’t knock London, man,” Ben makes a point of seeming annoyed, but Joe rolls his eyes with a smile.

“Babe,” he tells Ben, “no hotel will ever compare to your flat either, okay? I’m saying that anywhere’s better when we’re together.” And Ben wears a little pleased grin, and presses a kiss to Joe’s knuckles, sitting on your other side.

And it’s warm, even though the air outside is cold, between them you are warm. Of course you are, wherever they are, you find comfort. 

Together, you watch everything and nothing, and you read scripts to help each other learn lines, and record auditions, and they record videos with you, and this is the best feeling in the world. Laughter, bright and loud and warm, fills the halls of your home.

Ben joins in when you interrogate the dishes now, drying them, pretending to threaten their family, just because it makes Joe cackle with laughter. 

Joe finally watched Jurassic Park with you both, providing dry commentary about the behind the scenes during the entire time, which has you and Ben in stitches half the time. 

And you come home from a walk, only to find Ben and Joe trying to copy one of your makeup tutorials from when you’d first started YouTube. The sight warms your heart and almost moves you to tears, right before you hear your own voice from your youth, and you almost screech trying to shut the laptop, while the boys shout that they’re halfway through.

“You’re killing me,” you give a fondly exasperated smile, only wincing a little at the jarring jump cut in the video, and they both beam in response.

“But you love us,” Ben practically sings, and you roll your eyes, even though you can’t help but grin.

Yeah, you really do.

[kentuckyanarchist]

There are few albums as bipolar as Boys and Girls in America—few that combine euphoria and aching nostalgic sadness in the same way, and fewer still that do it both masterfully and in absolute earnest. The Hold Steady’s third record greets you right from the start with a double motion: the album cover, all kids with hands in the air, hot pink with confetti flying (“up to yr neck in the sweat and wet confetti” as “Most People Are DJs,” from Almost Killed Me, had it), cuts against the very first line, where Craig Finn riffs on Jack Kerouac to affirm: “boys and girls in America have such a sad time together.” Kerouac evinced the same bipolarity in On the Road, and Hemingway too, Steinbeck too, not to mention Dylan, not to mention Springsteen—it’s part and parcel of a particular kind of American lyrical masculinity that likes to bellow and wail about its sensitive seriousness. Writers in this tradition—and Finn, whose first four Hold Steady albums approach flawlessness, is among the very best of them—plumb the unchartable depths of sorrow that provide everyday hedonism with its uneasy foundation. They give voice to a pain that can’t be outrun no matter how hard their characters try, one that catches them up in solitary moments and/or comes to suffuse whole segments of lives.

It was a feature, no doubt, of Almost Killed Me, the Hold Steady’s debut from 2004; it was unavoidably present in Separation Sunday (2005), their high-concept dramatisation of that line from “Thunder Road” about waiting “for a saviour to rise from these streets”. But on Boys and Girls songs like “Hot Soft Light” pummel you with it: the drunken reassurances and unsubtle heavy metal references of the verses cascade into the nightlife typology of the chorus, where all possible encounters are reducible to ideal types, “the guys / with the wild eyes when they ask to get you high” and “the girls / that’ll come to you with comfort in the night.” “Hot” and “soft”, such a simple pair of monosyllables, do all sorts of work here: they’re a mellow high before it becomes a problem (“it came on hot and soft / and then it tightened up its tentacles”); they’re a callback to the summing-up of human existence as just “hot soft spots on a hard rock planet” (“Most People Are DJs” again); and, when the title drops in the final line, they’re the body and the blood, Christ himself at the centre of the cross. In other hands counterposing religious ecstasy with drug-induced euphoria might seem pat, or at least like a failed attempt to shock; in Finn’s it seems entirely sincere.

Songs like “First Night” trade in a kind of nostalgia that’s not without its darkness and drama. More than almost any other Hold Steady song “First Night” runs off of Franz Nicolay’s keyboards, but there’s vastly more there too, in the strings and backing vocals especially. In the quadrumvirate of characters (not forgetting the narrator), Holly aka Hallelujah aka the central character of Separation Sunday is central, and she’s still in rough shape. The flashforward from that first night, when Holly “slept like she’d never been scared”, to last night, with Holly disconsolate and trembling, echoes in the shaking keyboards, over which the album title becomes a mantra in falsetto. At which point Finn, who from Lifter Puller days is well-acquainted with the art of the sneer and the snarl, intercedes: “don’t bother talking to the guys with their hot soft eyes”—those two adjectives for the last time—“you know they’re already taken.” All of which is not to forget that in the phrase “she was golden with barlight and beer”, “First Night” also coins the most beautiful ever way of saying “she looked hot when I was drunk.”

Songs like “Party Pit” take up the mantle of ceaseless mobility from Kerouac (the tradition Deleuze describes in which “everything is departure, becoming, passage, leap, daemon, relationship with the outside”) and run with it, juxtaposing a wayward narrator with an old friend who never escaped the vicissitudes of the teen scene. (As a 16-year-old I cycled home most nights across the Carter Bridge, over the railway just north of Cambridge railway station, and the line about crossing “that Grain Belt Bridge / into bright new Minneapolis” became wrapped up with that quotidian experience. I don’t know if “bright new Minneapolis” is a joke or just a conscious bit of mythmaking—I’ve never been to Minneapolis but I don’t see it as a city with lights so bright they can be seen glittering from above—but the image resonates nonetheless. And for the record: you’ll find lyrics sites saying the line’s “brand new Minneapolis,” but it’s not. Listen to this version.) Finn’s narrator’s been away to school and come back (“to start a band, of course”) but the heroine’s stayed put, “pinned down at the party pit,” stuck going round and round in circles, “gonna walk around, gonna walk around, gonna walk around and drink.” The party’s the site and source of sadness here and getting away’s jinxed too: coming home’s a bittersweet endeavour as much because of what’s stayed the same as what’s different.

And “Stuck Between Stations”, with its unpromising source material, its dated central metaphor, its shoehorning of a guilty-pleasure or problematic-fave author (as John Darnielle’s said—Darnielle being a man who knows his Berryman and knows his Hold Steady—the “sometimes in blackface” of Berryman’s Henry worries away at any too-friendly reading of that sad Minneapolis bard). It might not be the best Hold Steady song but it might be the one that most overtly strives for grandiosity in a Springsteenian mould, it might be the one that succeeds most evidently at making a bold statement that finds a way to hit home regardless of one’s circumstances. And the album’s clearest statement of ambivalence and bittersweetness is in the “buts” of its chorus: Berryman, at the time he took flight, we learn, “was drunk and exhausted but he was critically acclaimed and respected / he loved the Golden Gophers but he hated all the drawn out winters / he likes the warm feeling but he’s tired of all the dehydration / most nights were kind of fuzzy but that last night he had total retention.” Strung out but at least having made something of oneself—at home but not all year round—finding the booze sometimes a chore—and sometimes somehow glorious! It’s all there.

Lyrically, I wonder if this is achieved through a sort of wilful mythologisation. Berryman, after all, probably didn’t really love the Golden Gophers, but why not flesh out his story with the claim that he did? “How a Resurrection Really Feels,” from Separation Sunday, delves into its heroine’s despair but also zooms out to describe the graffiti tributes made to her by other unnamed characters—to show her story’s a legendary one in its own universe too. Once again Springsteen got there first, this time in “Highway Patrolman,” which invents a whole fictional town and county, and a slow dance for the characters to wax nostalgic about, all in order to build a world in the song and thereby make something somehow universal. Across all the Hold Steady albums the same characters recur in different (not always that different) predicaments, but their stories never totally cohere. They have the feel, at times, of characters in your peripheral vision or even on the edge of a dream, cohering to make certain points then splintering once more. The stuff of strange, half-true legends.

And then there’s the god question. Finn doesn’t just see love, or hope, or beauty, or tenacity “in the clumsiness of young and awkward lovers” (in “Citrus”), he feels Jesus there—and in so doing captures a sort of lowdown American pantheism found from Emerson to the Beats, not to mention in the final scene of Bruce Almighty. The particular form that the mystical takes in “Chips Ahoy” is not the same form it took in most of Separation Sunday, but in the narrative of the girl with a sixth sense for winning racehorses it’s there nonetheless. Even the stuttering puh-puh-puh assonance of “pinned down at the party pit” conceals a deification metaphor, its martyress fastened tight to the scene—as Lifter Puller more bluntly put it, she’s “nailed to the nightlife like Christ on the cross.” (As a disbelieving teenager I had a disproportionate number of Christian friends, I guess I was drawn to people who believed in things. It’s possible I thought I had something similar in certain bands, certain songs.) God, in America today, is as fiercely contested signifier as everything else, but it’s clear that the omnipresent God of Boys and Girls is also a personal God, not to mention a lenient, ecumenical one.

Boys and Girls met me at a particular time in my life, a couple of years after it was released, in summer 2008, which is probably the biggest part of the reason it’s stuck with me (other texts are sepia-shaded for the same reason: Bob Dylan’s “You Ain’t Goin’ Nowhere,” Kurt Vonnegut’s Cat’s Cradle, the first Conor Oberst solo album). The rest of the first four Hold Steady albums are probably just as good, but this one works in certain ways that set it apart. It’s less cynical than Almost Killed Me, less weary than Separation Sunday, less nostalgic than Stay Positive, and more holistic than all of them. It turns out that the holism and the bipolarity amount to the same thing.

[thesinglesjukebox]

EMPRESS OF - WHEN I'M WITH HIM

[7.88]

As our thoughts turn to fall...

Julian Axelrod: Los Angeles is an inherently isolating city, with every neighborhood splattered across its sprawl and a commute culture consisting of personal transportation boxes. Even natives can't help but feel disconnected from the city that birthed them, one that can't help but push its people away. "When I'm With Him" is already a masterful exploration of loneliness in love; the panic attack toms and prom-ready synth glaze make your heart feel like it's trapped in amber, while Lorely Rodriguez's weathered wail reaches out through the darkness. But watching Rodriguez smolder through the streets where I grew up only deepens the song's resonance, especially after several years away. Los Angeles is a city that nurtures you even as it nudges you away. You can live inside it your whole life and still feel like an outsider. Watching it through that lens, Empress Of's pointed Spanish asides cut even deeper: "I distance myself more and you can't see it." There's nothing more crushing than giving all of yourself to something that doesn't need you. [9]

Juana Giaimo: Empress of's debut album looked for tension in the sound: it had loud noises and her vocal melody had abrupt changes. Now, rather than looking for dissonance, she builds up a very pleasing song. The beat is steady and there are short guitar notes in the background (ones we are used to hearing in Haim), which gives a sunny atmosphere. And suddenly, after the falsetto of the chorus, her voice gets lower, the beat quieter. Spanish being my first language, I can't avoid the meaning of the first two lines of the second verse: "You wanted more of what it could be/I get further away and you can't see it." She sounds reflexive, but it is a subtle break from what came before that shows that underneath the calm and polished sound, there is nostalgia for something that she knows is going to end. [8]

Vikram Joseph: Since long before I was old enough to understand it, September has filled me with a penetrating, intangible malaise -- the watery sun, receding daylight hours, florid leaves (magnificent, but undeniably terminal). "When I'm With Him" captures this soft decay exquisitely. Set against a fuzzy, sepia-hued drift -- those last warm days sending off late, lonely sparks into cool, early sunsets -- Lorely Rodriguez sings of the autumn of a relationship; the inexplicable, irreversible atrophy of romantic feelings. The lyrics in Spanish, aside from sounding stunning, help conceptualise the idea of an insurmountable emotional/communication barrier. It's a close cousin of Solange's "Losing You," and like Solange, Rodriguez's timbre is one of resignation, but undercut with a profound sadness (if you doubt the latter, just hear the beautiful, poignant waver on "trying but don't know why-y-y" in the middle eight). She's submitting to the change of season, but still reluctant to let go of the vestiges of the one that's already disappearing into the rearview. [9]

Eleanor Graham: Nothing like some synthy ambivalence to flavour our lattes as the cooler weather drifts in! I don't really have a problem with talented pop girls remaking "Everything Is Embarrassing." In fact I think this song strengthens the argument that they should all have to, by law. [8]

Will Adams: At times, it takes very simple concepts to convince me. "Everything Is Embarrassing" with more rhythm section is one of those. [7]

Jonathan Bradley: The bleacher-stomp beat places this in a high school gym right alongside that prom night synth swell, and the shivers of guitar coloring the mix confirm that our scene takes place in the filmed confines of a 1980s movie. Lorely Rodriguez builds up the heartache with quick fluttering syllables that don't quite lead to a chorus arresting enough to justify them, though the sighing, drawn-out way she pronounces "hi-iim" comes close. [7]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: This didn't click for me until the bridge started and that drum fill, simultaneously buried under layers of amorphous synths and pianos and beaming directly to you in perfect clarity, arrived. It's a small note in what is otherwise a self-assured, well-written, but kind of boring song, but it's one of those small details that complicates and enriches a song into something interesting and fulfilling. [7]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: You never fucking learn, do you. These are the words I hear when I put on "When I'm With Him." They've crowded my mind for years, readily accusing me when I make the smallest of mistakes, when I fail to meet my own standards, when I feel the most unlovable. Six years ago, Sky Ferreira's "Everything is Embarrassing" encapsulated the numbing humiliation of love lost. Its forlorn spirit -- one of expectant dejection and a solitary mourning -- is found here, and listening to both songs has proven similar to reading one of my old journals. Leafing through the entries, I'm always astounded that my anxieties haven't changed. I'm still crippled by the same self-doubt, painfully ashamed of the huge gulf between who I want to be and who I currently am. When Lorely Rodriguez laments her inability to be honest, she does so with a comparable discontentment. "I'm going back and forth like branches in the breeze," she sings, and the song's other lyrics constantly reflect that nauseating vacillation. Most crushing is the difference between the pre-chorus ("I don't know how to tell you") and the chorus ("I don't know how to love, I pretend when I'm with him"). It signals further distancing from confronting the situation, and a concession to the same unhealthy behaviors. The result, however, shouldn't be perceived as any form of action; it's inaction, it's paralysis, it's fear. But it's easier to deny your loneliness than to face it head-on with a breakup you initiate. And as uneasy as it may feel, it's a comfortable decision -- the one that doesn't require you to make one. [8]

[Read and comment on The Singles Jukebox]

[breathings-of-the-heart]

Letters in Red Part 1

Jughead Jones X Reader 

A/N: This was a draft in my archive since the summer so yay for finally getting it done! I haven’t actually written anything in months, bc you know, school sucks and writer’s block loves me. But its winter break and I’m feeling inspired! This is my first long, multi-part series so I hope it turns out alright. If you want to be in the taglist for future chapters, lemme know :)

Summary: (Y/N), the new transfer student, has secrets tied deep within her memories, entertwined with a dramatic past at her birthplace of Riverdale. Foggy memories and a curious heart lead Jughead down her path of mystery. What he’ll find is a whole other story connected to love, loss, and Jason Blossom’s murder.  

Warnings: none 

Word Count:  2,104 

(Y/N) (L/N) was never one to be wavered by bereavement. She kept her head low and her emotions on the inside, where they could be unreadable, and hence, protected. Encased in an exoskeleton, she shied away from confrontation. It was her social anxiety, insecurities, doubts. It kept most human interaction at bay.

But there was something alluring about her reservation. A complicated mystery within her petite frame, windswept hair, and bright, doe eyes. (Y/N) was indeed a small girl, a tinge of vulnerability acquainting her uncertain footsteps. It was strange how she called for attention when she didn’t want any, seemed fearless yet timid at the same time. She was a living, breathing, paradox. And with a camera hanging off her shoulder at all times, one could only wonder about the untold stories behind (Y/N) (L/N)’s closed teeth and pursed lips.

That was the thing: they were always painted in a nude, candy-flavored lip gloss; shiny and pressed upwards with a tiny smile with every small ‘click’ of the shutter button. It was a small detail, seemingly out of place with her tendency of simplicity, yet fitting in a sense that it gave her a more completed aesthetic.

It did a good job in highlighting those rare, toothy smiles.

(Y/N) stopped smiling when she found out she was moving to Riverdale, though. Her sense of security was invaded and her vision tunneled out. She became submerged in water and spluttered for the relief of air, lungs aching, eyes stinging. Just as (Y/N) became settled into one makeshift home, she was left behind and thrown into another, where she was afraid that her past would finally catch up to her.

It was only a matter of time, after all. A matter of time where submerged secrets and untold stories would float the surface of the close-knit, suffocating town. But the stubborn ignorance (Y/N) was determined to keep tenacious, for the purpose of running away from obvious reality kept scary thoughts away.

She should’ve known better.

“You’re new here too, I suppose?” the girl next to her asked, biting her lip. (Y/N)’s gaze travelled from the navy blue entrance doors to Riverdale High over to the brunette, a flicker of distaste scrunching up her nose. The speaker’s air of confidence became a bit overbearing, and (Y/N) took a step back, rubbing her arm and looking away. Another few moments of silence passed before the pretty brunette began to regret speaking. (Y/N) had no intention of replying, of course, for she was comfortable in the quietness. It was familiar and comforting. The other girl, albeit, clearly felt otherwise, shifting her weight uncomfortably with a desire to break the stillness.

“You know,” she spoke again after another minute or so, crossing her arms curiously, “I’m usually pretty good at reading people, but not you, for some reason. You're either shy or standoffish, and there's a fine line between the two, but I can't seem to pick one in this instance.” (Y/N) raised an eyebrow and tugged at her open button-down denim shirt, pulling it closer around her small frame. Her eyes widened in the slightest at the blunt comment and she felt her cheeks grow warm.  

“Maybe it’s a little bit of both,” (Y/N) murmured softly. The other girl furrowed her eyebrows indignantly, opening her mouth to speak.

“Well,--”

“--I like her, Veronica,” a new voice laughs, appearing behind the flustered girl before she could get a word in. “Cool accent, too. British, right?” His red hair glinted in the harsh light of the hallway light bulb, a beaming smile revealing his white teeth. (Y/N)’s momentary rush of boldness evaporated instantly and she held eye contact with him, expression like a deer caught in headlights.

(Y/N) never thought Archie Andrews would grow up so much. And never did she think that she’d run into him within the first half hour of her arrival at her new school.

She rushed past the both of them, hurrying away between the shoulders of a raven-haired boy and a blonde-haired girl as they walked towards their other two friends. They all looked after her in confusion, the blonde in particular crossing her arms unhappily.

“I think that was (Y/N) (L/N). I was supposed to give her a tour…”

Jughead stared as her figure became swept up in the horde of students, puzzlement written all over his expression. A small voice of reminisced moments jingled at the back of his mind, and even after (Y/N) had long disappeared, he studied the spot where he saw her last, tilting his head in thought.

“I’ll see you guys later,” he said quickly, not thinking twice before following after her. He weaved through the crowd, bumping shoulders with a few other students and catching a glimpse of her blue cardigan. Jughead reached out to tap the girl’s shoulder. (Y/N) stopped and turned, and with a clear view of her face, Jughead was thrown into his thoughts.

They started off as pictures. Flashes of what he considered to be insignificant, fuzzy polaroid images, stacking themselves in a sequence that was only meaningful in another lifetime. It was a blurry face that kept him warm-- someone that held more content years of his life that were filled with unbroken families and a semblance of entirety. Ironically, the chaos of his childhood seemed miles away with a single thought of that blurryface, filling him with a nostalgia that was set apart from the pain of his losses. It was strange how Jughead was unable to place a name to it. Unable to associate memories. There was only a distant chiming in the back of his mind and a warmth suffusing between his ribs, and a recollection that consisted of one mere feeling.

One mere feeling that unlocked itself at this very moment.

Jughead only then realized he had been staring. The girl in front of him was gazing uncomfortably at his feet, taking in a deep breath before gathering up the courage to meet his eyes. There was a small tingle in Jughead’s fingers from where he touched her, and he rubbed the pads of them together gently as she spoke.

“Can I help you?” she asked softly, her voice smooth as honey. His confusion only grew with the sound, a familiarity just beyond the reach of his fingertips. Clearing his throat, Jughead adjusted the strap of his backpack, his uncharacteristic behavior having dawned upon him.

“It's rude to blow people off when they've cleared their first period to do you a favor,” he quipped bitterly for personal redemption, the words coming out sharper than he intended. (Y/N) flinched, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, which was now burning with red with embarrassment. She gazed at the floor and Jughead felt a strange stab of guilt.

“Right. S-sorry.”

“Don't apologize to me,” Jughead replied, more calmly and almost apologetically this time. “Apologize to Betty.” Said girl stood a few feet away in the nearly empty corridor, the bell ringing and students long disappeared into their classrooms.

“It's okay, Jughead. Relax,” Betty sighed. (Y/N) grew visibly more uncomfortable, studying the brooding boy with a more wary expression. Betty seemed to pick up on this, and she stepped forward, sending the smaller girl a kind smile.

“I can just show you where your classes are, and the cafeteria and gym, if you'd like. You know, the bare minimum,” she offered. (Y/N) nodded and muttered a short ‘thank you’, allowing Betty to usher her away as (Y/N) handed her a copy of her schedule. (Y/N) mustered up the courage to look back at the beanie-clad boy, cheeks flaming when she noticed he was already staring back, an unreadable expression contorting his defined features. Her head whipped back around almost instantly.

“Sorry about Jughead,” Betty apologized. “I know he's a bit intimidating, but once you get to know him, he's one of the most loyal friends you’ll ever have.”

“I'm sure,” (Y/N) replied earnestly, frowning. Betty turned a corner, stopping at one of the first classrooms in the new hallway. Turning to (Y/N), she gave her one last smile.

“Welcome to Riverdale, (Y/N).”

“What kind of loser has ‘Jughead’ for a first name?” 6-year-old Reggie Mantle taunted, jabbing a finger into the beanie-clad boy’s chest. The sound of such a peculiar name falling from indignant lips snatched (y/n)’s attention, a crooked frown making its way onto her lips. She turned away from the line of trees on the edge of the playground, spinning around on the bench and placing her disposable camera on her lap.

It's funny how humans pull out degradations from the most trivial sources. Pick fun and the insignificant details for lack of anything meaningful to bear their spite onto. Young (Y/N) was never a big talker, rather, finding comfort in the alternative of observation. She constantly took in information, and watched scenes unfold in front of her to capture the moments that mattered most, and this particular encounter peaked her interest.

Reggie, who was quite a bit taller than this ‘Jughead’, jabbed another finger into the boy’s chest. Staring at the scene in confusion, (Y/N) waited for him to defend himself. Felt a strange tug that was contrary to her non-confrontational manner. But he remained quiet in a silent act of defiance, something that didn't sit right with the girl. He looked vulnerable and lonely, trying not to wear his obvious emotions on his sleeve.  

There was so much going on in the world. Stories had to find their own path and play out naturally, without room for interference. (Y/N) was just living in the world. It wasn't hers to control. She hardly ever spoke a word in contribution.

Maybe it was the universe tying their two souls together that determined her next course of action.

“What kind of loser finds insults from something we can’t control?” (y/n) called out boldly, standing up from her spot. Reggie’s eyes flickered over to her in an instant, gaze travelling from her innocent pigtails and a stark-in-contrast expression. “I mean, it’s not like you’d choose to be this dumb, so nobody makes fun of you for it.”

Sass. Wit. It was a quality she never knew she possessed. Her mind took over and it was only after the stinging remark entered the sticky spring air that (Y/N) took a step back to admire it. Jughead’s surprised eyes met her own and it was a shy smile she shared with him that seemed to be the start of it all.

He felt comfortable enough to snicker under his breath at Reggie’s new expression, an anger fueled further by the fact that (Y/N) decided to test her spur of daringness and raised her arms to let the clicking sound of her camera speak for itself. The taller boy marched away, his fists stiff by his sides, straight towards one of the teachers monitoring recess time as the girl admired the candid picture of his ridiculous expression.

(Y/N) turned and beamed at Jughead, finding solace in that sudden rush of child-proportioned bravery.

“Don’t worry, I’ll print out a copy of that picture for you,” she mused. Jughead had gone red in the cheeks as he stepped forward, taking her wrist gently in his and holding his pinky out next to it. (Y/N)’s eyes blew wide and she shifted her feet.

“Promise?” He whispered quietly with a playful grin. (Y/N)’s breath was caught in her throat as she looked down at her arm. Studying their hands carefully, she tried her best not to flinch. She waited for the overwhelming sensation of panic, a searing burn, the air to be ripped from her lungs… but Jughead’s small fingers didn't give her the frantic play-by-play that other hands did. She blinked slowly, connecting her trembling pinky with Jughead’s and breathing out a shaky,

“I promise.”

Haphephobia: the fear of human touch. A anxiety that remarkably, did not lodge itself between this particular influential moment, locked pinkies and the unspoken vows that followed. It was strange for (Y/N), to say the least, to find comfort in a contacted gesture. It was the beginnings of a planted seed of something new, foreign, scary…

...exciting. She was usually scared of moments like these, but Jughead would prove to be an exception.

Haphephobia: for the first time, a distant facet of (Y/N)’s complicated personality.

[books-on-the-brain]

So I used to read a whole bunch, but then I took a small break so that I could have an actual social life. Now I'm trying to get back into it but I've tried to... I just can't get into it. Do you have any suggestions of what I could do to get back into wanting to read more?

bI relate to this SO. MUCH. It’s always hard to find a good reading/life balance, since reading can often be a very isolating activity. It’s also really difficult around this time of year for younger readers, too, since a lot of us are getting back into the swing of it with school and such and find that we have much less time to be reading what we want. So without further ado…

How I cure “reader’s block”/being in a book rut!!!

1) First of all, there’s literally no shame in reading something because it’s short and you know you can get through it, or reading something you might consider a “beach read.” If it’s less daunting for you to pick up a 70-page romance novella than Tolstoy that is perfectly!!! okay!!! What matters is that you’re still reading and it’s making you happy, not that you have gained all the answers to the universe by reading a dry and endless classic.

2) Another good option is to reread something you know you really love/want to revisit. I find it’s typically easier to read something for the second or third time and if it’s been a while, then you’ll still be surprised by little things here and there and get the warm nostalgia fuzzies. For me, one of my old favorites to revisit is Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell. I always read it at the beginning of the summer when I’m switching from all academic reading to personal reading (f i n a l l y) because I’m familiar enough with the story that it goes pretty quickly, but I still really love it.

3) In a similar vein, I find it really fun when I don’t want to sit down and read seriously to go back to some of my old favorites from childhood! For example, I loved the Deltora books by Emily Rodda when I was a kid and had some fun the other day going back through some of them and reminiscing. It has the potential to remind you of your love for stories and also in my case, it reminded my why I fell in love with fantasy at a young age and why I’m still so passionate about it! Reading children’s/middle grade/YA books is always acceptable and so much fun at any age.

4) This Barnes and Noble Reader article also suggests reading about books if you can’t actually read a book. As they explain it, find book blogs (like those on tumblr!) that speak to your interests and get you excited about picking up books. Other people’s enthusiasm goes a long way in encouraging you to also pick up a book to read!

5) If you can, find other avid readers and friends who you feel comfortable sitting in silence with! One of my favorite memories ever is sitting on my friend’s back porch and trading the books of the KARE First Love manga series back and forth. We played peaceful music in the background and so we were spending time as friends AND getting reading done. This lead us to discuss our favorite scenes and how we felt about certain translations (literally just because we like how to guy asked the main girl out in the online scantalation better than the printed book rip). But we ended up really getting into this series that in all honesty is kind of silly (despite the soft spot I have in my heart for it) and we joke about it all the time. Reading and socializing in one!

6) And speaking of manga…it’s always a great bridge for getting back into reading when it’s been a while, as are graphic novels! If you haven’t ever tried manga or graphic novels and don’t think it’s your rap at least give them a chance! I thought I hated them until I read Fullmetal Alchemist and fell in l o v e! You’re getting a story and doing some reading, but the pictures really help to ease you in so that you’re not necessarily devoting the same attention that you would be with a novel that’s just pages of text. As such, each volume is pretty quick depending on how long you linger on the drawings. If you already do love manga/graphic novels, then try picking up a new series you’ve been interesting in or rereading a series you already know you like!

Here are some graphic novel recommendations!

Nimona by Noelle Stevenson (a story that does a fun take on the idea of the “bad guy” - it actually gave me way more feels than expected, and I loved the art style)

The new Ms. Marvel series written by G. Willow Wilson and illustrated by Adrian Alphona (so do not confuse this with the old Ms. Marvel, this one is better in my opinion because our hero is your average teenage Muslim girl living in Jersey City and it’s refreshing, amazing, adds diversity to the typically white/male dominated world of superheroes, and I am unabashedly in love with one of the main characters, Bruno)

Umbrella Academy written by Gerard Way and illustrated by Gabriel Ba (this does another more twisted/dark take on the idea of the superhero story, if that’s something more up your alley. It’s the first book of a series I’ve really been loving lately, plus I trust Gerard Way’s taste in comics unequivocally and he wrote it so that’s a yes in my book!)

American Born Chinese by Gene Luen Yang (the intertwining stories of an American-Chinese boy trying to figure out his place in the world and the Monkey King of Chinese fable)

I did not include a special section for manga recommendations because most of what I read is probably not the sort of stuff to dive into after having reader’s block. Overall, the realm of shoujo might be a good place to look (things like Skip Beat!, Blue Spring Ride, Fruits Basket, and Kimi ni Todoke. Ouran High School Host Club and Dengeki Daisy were ones I really enjoyed too.)I also recently read Orange which is a fairly short series and easy to read - I loved it but major depression/suicide/mental illness tws there.In terms of shonen, Hunter x Hunter would be a good one because not only is it amazing, but it’s broken up into shorter yet very distinct story arcs which I feel would be easier if you’re trying to get back into reading. If someone has some more recs tho, please add!

7) Another variation of manga/graphic novels is online webtoons, which are basically digitized comics. I have recently discovered them and think they’re the best. things. ever. If you’re like me and you have a horrible habit of lying in bed scrolling absently through your phone before going to bed and after waking up, this might be good for you. I have slowly been replacing my mindless Facebook scrolling with scrolling through webtoons, which has been so amazing for my mental health! My favorite app is literally just called Webtoon or maybe Line Webtoon (the icon in the app store is a green speech bubble that says “Webtoon”).

For most webtoons, chapters are generally pretty short so it doesn’t take a lot of focus but once again, you’re still reading, and you’re still getting a good story, all while laying fetal position like you might while scrolling through Facebook or texting people before bed. Not to mention you’re supporting amazingly talented artists/individuals who are oftentimes not published and doing this for fun or with the hopes of eventually being published, so you can say you followed them from the start! Also since they update only a few times a week, it gives you something to look forward to on random days.

Here are my favorite story-oriented webtoons currently:

Assassin Roommate by Monica Gallagher. Super cute and quirky romance with a great female lead, also really great in terms of body diversity, and LITERALLY THE ONLY REASON I LOOK FORWARD TO TUESDAYS, THE DREADFUL DAY AFTER MONDAY

My Dear Cold-Blooded King by limelight. Just started this but it seems pretty cool??? The author has paired up with a musician so all the chapters have music which is lit af if I do say so myself

Silk and Briar by paragoing-paragon. I think this is on hiatus but it’s shaping up to be a brilliantly-constructed fantasy story with some crazy twists and turns

instantmiso’s stuff is also really popular (Where Tangents Meet and Siren’s Lament). It’s not as much up my alley as it is pretty fluffy romance and I’m not crazy about the writing, but she is an incredibly talented artist and has great music with her chapters. Her stuff is super good for an easy read without a ton of brain power/commitment, but I say that with immense respect for her talent and abilities! 

Cheese in the Trap by soonkki. This was also made into a K-Drama so I read the series and threw a little watch-party with some of my friends from my Korean class! Super good series and another great way to enjoy reading AND be social!

Here are the webtoons that are more “Sunday newspaper funnies”               style, where each chapter is a mini story:

Bluechair by Shen (this is WILDLY popular and I totally see why!!! These are hilarious and have cheered me up on many a rough night!!!)

Sapphie: The One-Eyed Cat by joho (feel-good, cute comic about cats that’s also pretty funny. I shamelessly read like a hundred chapters in one sitting.)

If none of this is appealing to you, there is always the audio option! If the actual act of your eyes scanning the page is difficult because you can’t focus on anything, there are a lot of options in this realm!

8) Local libraries usually have an audiobook section that is deeply neglected, but holds some secret treasures! Whenever I go on roadtrips, I always pick up two or three before I head out. They’re also perfect for when you do mindless tasks like sorting/folding laundry, walking a dog if you have one, waiting in long lines, or on your commute to and from school or work or any other similar activities. 

What’s cool is you can search for audiobooks based both on books you actually want to read, and whoever is narrating it. I know Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Saenz had a super popular audiobook because Lin Manuel Miranda narrated it. If you want to pay, Audible is one of the most popular paid platforms for audiobooks. I haven’t personally used it, but it seems to be quite successful. One way or another, audiobooks are a good way to get back into reading without having to budget extra time to sit down with a book.

9) Podcasts can also help if you haven’t already explored those and are open to! Not all podcasts are TED talks, or political debates, or generally academic, or whatever they are stereotyped as. There are a ton that feel just like audiobooks, or at the very least like a play without any visuals. There’s a script and there’s a story and I know it’s helped me ease back into a mindset that preps me for reading because much like audiobooks you can listen to them all the time (I do so while cooking dinner and walking to classes) and it helps your mind switch from reality to the world of a story with relative ease if that makes sense. I’m pretty new to podcasts myself so don’t have a ton to recommend, but here’s what I’ve been enjoying….

Podcasts to look into:

Anything written by Mac Rogers. That includes The Message, Afterlife, and Steal the Stars. Personally, I like Steal the Stars and The Message more that Afterlife. They’re all sci-fi stories that are generally told from one perspective but you get to know amazing characters and I was not expecting the twists and turns. And Steal the Stars is still coming out so jump on the bandwagon now lol

The Adventure Zone from Justin, Travis and Griffin McElroy at My Brother, My Brother and Me (another podcast which I have not listened to). The Adventure Zone is actually them playing Dungeons and Dragons, but they’re funny as all get out (the last place I lived had a communal kitchen for dozens of people and I was always laughing like and idiot while listening to this and making dinner and I’m pretty sure everyone thought I was nuts). Eventually the Dungeon Master gets super into the story telling and they script some of it with cool music. It’s really amazing and has a nice balance between story/characters but also the element of “real people” as they’re a bunch of brothers and they’re dad all just having fun. It’s a good bridge to getting back into reading.

Welcome to Nightvale is always a classic. It’s a bit trippy for me but tons of people enjoy it. The same team also produced a podcast called Alice Isn’t Dead. I honestly know nothing about it but one of my friends always raves about it, so it has his vote!

10) And okay so here’s my last suggestion. It might feel like a bit of a cop-out because I guess it kind of is, but it often works for me. So here it is. Sometimes it just helps to sit down and remember why you like to read in the first place. The fact that you’re actively trying to get back into it isn’t meaningless. It’s a very willful decision. So what is driving you? Maybe it’s because…

reading is an escape or a way for you to cope with difficult things in your life. This can be anything from mental illness, to school/work stress, to relationship dissatisfaction, difficult family or economic situations. Maybe you just are bored of our planet earth. Sometimes you might just need to be transported into another world for whatever reason and that is totally okay.

or reading inspires you to live your best life. Maybe there’s some character in a book you love that you look up to and aspire to be. Remember that passion you had when you were first getting to know that character, and that sense of being understood or finding a role model. Maybe you want to go on an adventure as wild as that character went on and that’s your idea of living your best life. Whatever the reason is, this sort of inspiration is a powerful emotion that books make us feel and sometimes that’s also a good reason to reread a book that’s inspired you.

and I don’t know, maybe you’re a writer yourself and you draw inspiration from reading in that sense. The more you read, the more you learn about what sort of writing you like and don’t like, and you grow stronger in your craft. Good readers help make good writers (but also don’t take that to mean that if you happen to be a writer and you’ve been in a book rut for a long time that you own skills are waning. we all get in book ruts and that’s okay. maybe it’s time to seek out a new source of inspiration in a different genre or new writer)

or perhaps you simply love stories. Maybe you breathe stories like other people breathe air and you can’t imagine that side of you not existing. If you’re one of these people, that makes reader’s block twice as hard. But that doesn’t mean that if you’re not turning pages that you’re not absorbing stories. Take it slowly and ease back into it with things I already mentioned like podcasts and webtoons.

One way or another, you’ll find your way back. Maybe this post will spark something. Maybe it won’t, and it will take another few months for you to really feel gungho about reading again. That’s all okay. Take your time. Enjoy being with friends and other activities. Do what’s healthiest and what works best for you. And eventually you’ll get back to reading a ton. However it happens, I wish you the best of luck!

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Art courtesy of Mona A.

By Morgan Kuin

You May or May not know this, but the month of May is Asian Pacific American Heritage Month! I’d like to take the opportunity to highlight some awesome bands in the music scene that feature Asian members. Growing up as an Asian American, I wasn’t really introduced to anything music related (other than the local radio’s Classical station) until high school. And it was incredibly discouraging to discover the lack of Asian presence in that side of the entertainment industry as well. Often stereotyped as the “quiet race,” the Asian artists and bands listed below are anything but, and definitely deserve to be heard.

Japanese Breakfast (a.k.a Michelle Zauner) 

Japanese Breakfast, the solo project of Little Big League’s Michelle Zauner, really embodies lo-fi indie pop, creating light, colorful melodies layered with dreamy vocals and emotive lyrics. A current favorite song of mine is “Everybody Wants to Love You,” which is a definite bright, catchy summer jam. Zauner, who is actually Korean despite the name of her project, also showcases her songwriting expertise in her other band Little Big League, which has a clunkier, emo sound, but is also worth listening to. Japanese Breakfast will release a new album titled Soft Sounds From Another Planet on July 14th.

Jay Som

If you heard of Japanese Breakfast, you probably already know about Jay Som, a Filipina American dream pop artist. As demonstrated through her recent album, Everybody Works, her sound features a range of genres, rotating between prominent R&B bass lines, shoegaze-tinged vocals, and sweet, pop-influenced keyboard or synth. Som’s lyrics are often intimate and familiar, which is shown through, “Baybee,” a funky, warm tune that I’d highly recommend listening to.

Mitski

Mitski is a Japanese American indie rock artist, who often explores the turmoil of being Asian American and reconciling with each identity, as she reflects on her most recent album, Puberty 2, “[Being] half Japanese, half American but not fully either.” Her raw, melancholic lyrics really hit home, and are reinforced either by distorted guitar playing or swelling vocals. Mitski’s sound dips between punk and dreamier, ghostly sounding tracks, but her sincere, introspective lyrics stay true throughout. I’d recommend listening to her punk rock hit, “Your Best American Girl,” which most explicitly displays her angst with heartache and being Asian American, and how the latter caused the first.

Yuck

Hailing from London, England, Yuck is everything ’90s rock. Whether their sound includes urgent, fuzzy guitar playing or smoother, stripped melodies, they maintain a refreshing, youthful rebellious energy. Yuck also features bassist Mariko Doi, who immigrated from Hiroshima, Japan. I recommend listening to “Cannonball” off of their most recent album, Stranger Things. Or have a listen to their Southern Skies EP, which deviants from their usual high energy songs, but still offers a chill, shoegaze vibe.

Dum Dum Girls

Dum Dum Girls are a rock band whose sound is comprised of crooning vocals, heavy reverb, and traditional rock guitar rhythms. In terms of Asian representation, the band includes a Vietnamese American bassist, Sandy Vu. Their track “Coming Down”, which is a love song that has grounding, head-bobbing drum beats, is absolutely worth listening to.

Tangerine

Tangerine sites their influences as “The Clash, Sky Ferreira, Mazzy Star, Charli XCX, the Pixies, and more.” This ’80s sound is the most apparent in their recent EP, Sugar Teeth, which contains a strong, rocking guitar presence and matching, drifting vocals. The band features two Korean American sisters: lead vocalist and rhythm guitarist Marika Justad, as well as Miro Justad, who sings backing vocals and plays drums. Regarding her ethnicity, Miro said in an interview with Korean Indie, “Being multi-racial, female musicians means that [my sister and I are] pushing into territory that’s not commonly occupied by people who look the way we do, and I’m always aware of that. How can you not be?”

No Vacation

This five-piece band features three Asian Americans, including frontwoman Sabrina Mai, synth player Nat Lee, and drummer James Shi. Their sound is described as a combination of “college nostalgia and surf-tinged bedroom pop.” I’d give their song “Lovefool” a listen; its sunny vibes will make you feel like you’re having a lazy day in a summer afternoon. No Vacation is set to release a new album in June, so be on the lookout!

SALES

Since summer is practically here, nothing feels more appropriate than binge-listening to SALES. The indie pop band creates simple songs, accompanied by easy rhythms and breezy vocals. SALES is comprised of two members, vocalist Lauren Morgan and Jordan Shih, a Chinese American guitarist and sample programmer. My favorite song of theirs is “Chinese New Year”, which showcases light, upbeat bass and guitar riffs.

Yuna

If you like Glass Animals or Sylvan Esso, be sure to check out Yuna. Yuna is a Muslim, Malaysian indie pop artist, whose music is a fusion of smooth vocals, honest lyrics, and a multitude of genres. While her earlier work can be described more as folk-pop, her most recent album, Chapters, has more of a smooth, R&B sound. Definitely have a listen to “Crush”, and the entirety of Chapters while you’re at it!

Cathedrals 

Laced with cheerful synth and powerful vocals, Cathedrals is an electro-dream pop duo composed of vocalist Brodie Jenkins and Johnny Hwin, a Vietnamese American multi-instrumentalist. Their sound inspires movement and energy; you can’t help but dance along to their songs! You can check out their most recent piece, “Try to Fight.”

The Naked and Famous

You’re probably already familiar with the bright, synth-infused hit “Young Blood,” by The Naked and Famous, but you may not know that the lead singer, Alisa Xayalith, is Laotian. If you like “Young Blood,” you’ll like the band’s most recent record, Simple Forms, which maintains their youthful, upbeat vibe.

Conan Gray

Known as a vlogger on Youtube, Conan Gray is gay, half-Japanese and posts covers as well as original songs on his channel. He recently released his single “Idle Town” on music sharing platforms, and he announced an EP is in the works. From the simple lyrics to the full, slow melody, “Idle Town” perfectly captures the feeling of nostalgia. Gray’s vocals remind me of Florence and the Machine or Seafret, drawing upon comforting, indie rock vibes in his music.

Run River North

Run River North is an all-Korean American indie folk-rock band that formed as a way to provide “conversation for immigrant family kids to talk about, or just to have some kind of space to share their family histories,” according to lead singer Alex Hwang. They are active advocates of Asian representation in the scene, and their lyrics reflect that. Accompanied by sweet, violin harmonies and warm vocals, I recommend listening to their song “Monsters Calling Home.”

Young Rising Sons

Young Rising Sons’ sound includes fun, folk-rock melodies and relatable, comforting lyrics that can be belted down the freeway. This pop rock band also features Julian Dimagiba, a Filipino American bassist. I recommend listening to their catchy, hit song, “High”, but also be sure to check out their recent single “Carry On.”

Hunter Hunted

Similar sounding to Young Rising Sons, Hunter Hunted is an indie pop band that has an uplifting sound, incorporating driving guitar rhythms and sometimes ukulele or lively synth. Their music really has that classic summer, pop rock sound, and is paired with simple, pleasant lyrics. This band duo includes vocalist and keyboardist Michael Garner, as well as Dan Chang, who is a Taiwanese American bassist and vocalist. Have a listen to “Lucky Day,” to immediately put yourself in a good mood!