#this road is long‚ but we have time

[andrumedus]

And I ask you what bitter words are ruining your soft-skinned village, because I want to make a poem that will cup the inside of your throat like the fire in the palm of a healing animal. [...]

Joy Harjo, In Mad Love and War; “Healing Animal”

[lucabyte]

Not all who wander are lost. Some who wander, however, are extremely, extremely lost.

[soracities]

partly for anon but also for anyone freaking out about getting "old" bc i get these asks a lot and i hope this helps 💗

[puppyeared]

is this your card? ♦️♣️♥️♠️ it isnt but you dont wanna hurt his feelings

[anghraine]

My best friend and I moved in together with his closest friend from his MA program, and while I had met her before (the friend; my bff is a man), we hadn't spent much time together because I've never lived away from the West Coast (and only two years out of the PNW) and she's never lived outside of North Carolina and only briefly visited the PNW once, when she went to Portland last year.

It's been a delight to show her around the PNW and realize we need to explain things that are just sort of omnipresent in our lives. The bff and I were casually griping with each other about having to run an errand to Trader Joe's at an inconvenient hour, and were telling her, "it's okay, you can stay in the car and avoid the people if you want" and she was like "NO I MUST SEE IT, I'VE ONLY HEARD OF THEM" and nearly ascended to another plane when we showed her around the store.

The bff and I grew up in the same town in NW Washington (him for his first 18 years, me from 9 to 19) and he lived in Bellingham and Seattle for years before he went to NC for grad school (I went to the SF Bay Area for mine, a very different experience). Both of them are hardcore coffee aficionados, but he struggled with the different Coffee Ways of the South, so for the true PNW experience they want to tour various indie coffeeshops next.

Also, she adores Kaidan in Mass Effect and we were like, oh, is your passport up to date? We could take a trip sometime and show you your boyfriend's beloved English Bay. It's very beautiful :)

her: O_O

me: Actually, it's worth going to Vancouver BC for its own sake as well, it's truly spectacular. We used to go all the time as kids.

bff: And Victoria!

her: O_O

[compacflt]

Oh to be Maverick, reading AD magazine and has a husband that will write you a blank check to buy any decor you want. Or collects expensive watches. And has the same taste. I don't know if anyone have asked this, what is your hc about their car preference? I hc that Mav likes big car because he's relatively short. And Ice likes luxury car. What do you think?

oh my god i have had this headcanon for so long thank god someone’s asking about it.

Ice will ONLY drive American-manufactured cars. like even when he travels somewhere and rents one. he will raise a stink about it.

It is a significant point of contention in their relationship & marriage that maverick is only interested in Japanese-manufactured motorcycles. Like they have had, and will continue to have, shouting matches over “why can’t you be a patriot and buy American motorcycles like harleys??!? What is with all the kawasaki and yamaha crap???” and “ice im telling you they just run better!!! the japanese just make better bikes!!!” tongue-in-cheek threats of divorce etc.

i definitely think of ice as less a luxury car and more a classic muscle car guy. back when muscle cars still were delicate and beautiful instead of hard and sharp, if that makes sense. there is a Venn diagram of luxury and muscle cars and he definitely has dabbled in the middle (see my fic’s deepthroating of the 2005 ford GT). But he won’t cross the line. (Won’t be caught dead driving a Porsche or mercedes for instance)

in the final final draft of my fic (ie the draft that will get posted before i call it quits on my top gun phase) the Dream Car is getting changed to a ‘68 Plymouth HEMI roadrunner. camaro is too mainstream i will admit. but see above for my “car preferences” hc.

[plounce]

my emoooootional issues and my physical iiiintimacy issuuuues

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s3 episode 5 thoughts

woohoo! here we are again. it's gonna be hard to follow last night’s episode, because it was frankly a banger. but i am eager to spend any time with my good friends mulder and scully.

(especially because my brain is currently a vague slushie substance being shaken about due to us politics. so i need this healing experience. of time with them)

we begin with a hitchhiker on the road. it always gags me that people used to do that and not be terrified of getting axe murdered. he’s sharply dressed though, i’d wear that sweater. drop the link, random fellow. 

oh- it isn’t a hitchhiking? well, potential crisis averted, i suppose. the guy who picks him up knows him. they’re going to prison. is this the same prison as before? the please please please prison? it looks a little different. but maybe that's just the angle.

the folks at the prison are talking about some guy named neech, who is allegedly being difficult. it seems they are going to put him to death, which is a most unfortunate thing. his wife is saying goodbye, and that she won’t betray their love. she believes that the governor will pull through and save him. and wait no, i’m sad now :(((( what if he is innocent…

they’re walking him into the electric chair, and ominous music is playing. i do not wish to watch this moment. they offer him a hood? and he denies it, but i didn't know that was a thing that happened at this sort of event. not-a-hitchhiker man has a hood when he pulls down the handle. 

this man- neech- says he will be reincarnated and that five men will die. and then they pull the handle and a bunch of people are watching?? do people really watch when such an awful thing happens? i guess maybe reporters but like damn, that is supremely messed up.

well, a sad and scary beginning. off to D.C.! mulder explains that neech had been granted last-minute stays two times before. i am learning i do not know much about the subject of how death row works.

scully looks beautiful. really beautiful. 

mulder says this man was very smart and charismatic. and that he was a getaway driver, which does not seem like something you should die for...

and now those five people who mistreated him are starting to drop! is it ghost time? or a plot for posthumous judgement afoot...?

prison time. no scene showing the flight and or car ride to florida. sad!

scully strides into examine the body of the guy who has been killed. it was very powerful, that stride. she then lifts the sheet up and noticed that it is covered in maggots, but she doesn’t seem phased, and says to put it into refrigeration. seems early for maggots, no? just being quite recently murdered? mulder is making a disgusted face LMAO 

so now they’re talking to another prisoner who thinks neech is back. scully's side profile is serving. 

but these men are catcalling her so that is not pleasant.

this guard who is watching her seems to really have hated neech so i’m beginning to suspect that he’s next to fall. he has a very prominent mustache.

mustache guard leaves scully alone in death row??? rude as hell. but she sneaks off. i love a woman who sneaks off. who slinks around, even. 

SOMEONE GRABS HER???? this man (who we later learn is a guard named parmelly) says he knows who is going to die next because there is a list, and a prisoner named roque has it. and that he wants to help her. well i don’t know if you had to go about it in such a terrifying manner!!! does help have to be done with snatching?? usually not.

the mustache guard says “it’s not a place for a woman to be doing that (looking around) alone"... okay so maybe if you hadn’t ditched her she wouldn’t have to do that… hope this tip helps <3

she looks really scared though, and she wants to get the hell out of here. knocking on the door to be let out. i do not blame her. she doesn’t seem to mention the creepy encounter to mulder.

next morning, the other prisoners are painting. and they find the mustache guard- well, they find his head in a bucket full of paint and maggots!! shoutout to the props department. because this head, it’s gnarly, but also almost endearing in its faux gore. i love you props teammmm <3

some guy is giving scully the head. she points out that the maggots are a bit early. but he’s saying no no no we have special bugs here in florida. which i certainly don't know enough about florida to dispute.

mulder is visiting the prisoner who claims to have the list… named roque. so she did tell him about the whole list allegation… hmm.

pause. why is mulder sitting on the table while he talks to roque. i’m howlinggggg we truly cannot take his ass anywhere. what a whimsical fellow.

roque says he wants to be transferred out of the block in exchange for the other three on the list. seems a bit outlandish. because if there IS a supernatural force going about killing people, all that information would do is just give the murder victims a head's up to get their affairs in order. but i wish him luck on his bargaining mission.

mulder is doing that thing now where he carries his jacket over his shoulder, and i gave that a go the other day and it felt amazing. but the warden says he can’t make a deal. because then everyone will make deals. scully says it could save three lives!! but then more people will just want to kill guards, the warden replies. heartbreakingly, i do see his point.

opens the door to find a decapitated body. warden sighs deeply. average day on the job.

back in neech’s cell, our duo is looking through his stuff. and they’re talking about reincarnation, which he claims is in all the world religions. “i’m sorry mulder, that’s not what i learned in catechism” LMAOOOO do not try to out catholic her. he tries, though, bringing up the resurrection. which is DIFFERENT. obviously. smh his protestant ass...

(wait he's from massachusetts... maybe he was raised catholic, too. i need to be looking out for clues. because we saw him in a church in like the fourth episode of the show. mulder i'll figure our your lore if it's the last thing i do)

anyway. they’re so close discussing reincarnation and world religions in this dead prisoner’s cell it almost feels dirty.

“imagine if it were true, scully. imagine if you could come back and take out five people who had caused you to suffer. who would they be?” “i only get five?” <- LMAOOOO i love her soooo much

“i remembered your birthday this year, didn’t i?”, he asks, and they smile at each other. UGH THESE TWO. i want more of this banter even if it takes place at the scene of a murder <3

they decide to go to neech’s wife, who they realize might have some clues. and she’s pretty. she speaks about how she has been dreaming about neech being put in the chair but not dying. so what does that mean.... and her hands are really shaking even though she’s smoking. so she seems really scared. as if he is going to come and get her.

roque is gonna talk with the warden. a deal? hmm, i’m not buying it. this warden seems evil. why is he taking him the other way? but he does bring him to the warden. WHO PUNCHES HIM???? and asks who is on the list. he tells him the warden is on the list. and that he is number 5. we brushed past the punching quickly as a plot point but it was pretty awful.

the warden says they “found” roque beaten to death …. wow. who could have possibly been responsible for this? /s

back at neech's wife’s house…. AND THERE IS ANOTHER MAN HERE. THE GUARD THAT GRABBED SCULLY!!! PARMELLY. OH, THIS IS TEA. parmelly promises that neech won’t come back. what happened to the promise of being true?! you'd think promises made before executions would be a top priority to keep.

but, at the site of the dead roque at work the next day, he DOES tower over scully and say “i warned you” ummm hello?? it is making him look suspicious.

mulder side profile is also serving. 

despite being busy being the second baddest girl in this prison, mulder realizes that all the people who died had caused neech physical pain. so that maybe the executioner is next…. and maybe roque WASN’T man number three…. oh he's picking up on things.

now, let us come with the agents as they walk into a creepy house. mulder picks up the mail. then lets himself in. and yes, it will continue to make me laugh every single time these two barge into a place

whoever lives here, he has a tasteful fish print on the wall. scully examines his fish photos. OH! it’s the “hitchhiker” from before. and the ground… it is covered in maggots… she looks up to see… maggots falling from the roof… he catches one. like a fallen snowflake. WHY WOULD HE DO THAT. we seriously need to take action against this man.

and bam. in the attic. dead man. very decomposed. again mulder seems to gag. well he wasn't gagging when he was catching the MAGGOTS falling from the dude's BODY, so where does he draw the line?

this other man they're interrogating says he saw neech. and that roque was NOT on the list. so it's getting complicated. not looking great for the warden, who seems he shall be caught shortly. or not, who knows.

BUT, we learn neech had made a bunch of phone calls to an outside number before he died… to an attorney who represented neech way back in the day. so they're off to visit him.

OH attorney spills the tea: that the wife has a boyfriend and he was waving a gun in his face!!!! parmelly, things are not looking great for you either...

the attorney is sipping something and taking his shirt off and probs gonna die shortly. and oh… we hear a buzzing. before someone strangles him!!! it was a very quick and vague shot, i can’t tell who it was that did the crime. but i’m guessing it’s parmelly, because we see him next driving home. interesting... mulder's earlier theory was that those who died had inflicted physical pain on neech, but this guy just failed to prevent him from being put in prison.

danielle the girlfriend slash neech's wife is like WHERE WERE YOU. THE FBI IS HERE. 

“woman gets lonely. sometimes she can’t wait around for a man to get reincarnated” <- wise words from scully, watching from outside. it is hard to wait for such things.

so they tell the warden about parmelly and danielle. and from him, they learn that the attorney they had just spoken to was SUFFOCATED TO DEATH THAT NIGHT. word sure does spread fast in this town.

mulder looks like he’s calculating some stuff as the warden says to go arrest parmelly. he's doing mental chess.

danielle sees neech in her room???? he disappears. okay so is this real or is she hallucinating...? it’s way too quiet as she goes into the kitchen and tells parmelly that neech is here. 

danielle has a GUN. she says to parmelly “you’re him” and she SHOOTS him. and cries. saying it was him, that he came back. HUH? things sure did escalate.

back at the prison, the warden wants to talk to speranza. and starts BEATING him. he says "all i know is one more man is supposed to die" and the prisoners yell for the warden to leave speranza alone. what happens to speranza is unclear.

agents driving home after another hard day at work, but mulder is pulling aside, stopping the car in the middle of nowhere. “why are we stopping?”, she asks “you know it just doesn’t make sense”, is what he says. you ever get a hunch so bad you pull over on the side of the road and start wandering about? yeah. just one of those days for him.

he says it doesn’t make sense to lay it all on parmelly. they’re on the side of the road debating this. he does not want to leave the matter unsolved, it seems, while she says it's over, let's go home. ominous music is playing whilst this occurs.

the warden drives by and we hear a fly buzzing. and then neech is behind him STRANGLING HIM. fade down to neech no longer being in the car, after the warden has been killed. and an end shot on the warden’s bloody face.

HUH???

this episode had me SPOOKED. it was suspenseful in a really good way. i like when this show has me on the edge of my seat and it feels like there is a ticking time bomb going off. and then when it DOES blow up, all the pieces land in place.

this episode was really good! it wasn’t one of my absolute favorites- hard to beat the mid s2 arc and the start of s3- but it was definitely good in terms of an episode that doesn’t advance the overarching alien plot. it was dark, but it also had some light moments, like scully one liners, which are always appreciated. and like i said last time, after a comedic episode, you need to be careful where you go next in terms of tone. but this time the difference didn’t feel as jarring. sure, it was spooky, and murder and prisoners and executions were going on, but it didn’t feel as unpleasant to watch as the calusari episode that came after humbug, which just left me sad and feeling weird. perhaps we can attribute this to the warden, who we saw inflicting so much pain onto others, having justice meted upon him in the end. that always makes an episode feel more palatable, i think. less like we just watched suffering for suffering’s sake.

please let me know what you thought; i’m curious. i really liked the pacing again, and the element of things almost adding up but just not quite. i love a twist and a turn. it was a solid episode! i prefer episodes where we learn more about mulder and scully, but we did have some good moments here, especially crime scene reincarnation talk. i also think he put his hand on her back before she walked into a room again. and i feel the need to once again make the disclaimer that this is a thing that is only endearing when fox mulder does it to scully, or when such a thing has been discussed between mutually consenting partners in the real world. put ur hand on the small of my back before we've discussed it and what a rabid raccoon can do to the human body will look like a round of warm up sparring when i get through with you.

but i digress. tell me what you thought of the episode! i thought neech was compelling.

(i know there is a wikipedia page for each episode, and therefore i could consult that to see how the episode was received, but it’s much more fun to ask real human people their thoughts!!)

[whositmcwhatsit]

[theintelligentfool]

you guys i love college so much

[andrumedus]

Have you forgotten that you are a miracle?

Mary Pinkoski, What Makes You Come Alive?

[mantisgodsdomain]

You may say to yourself things such as "wow, mantis god, you seem really behind for bugtober this year", and you would be right, but what you can't see behind the scenes is that we are actually being surprisingly productive in the hours of the day that are not dedicated to school, it's just that some months ago we happen to have thought to ourself "well, we enjoy learning things, so maybe we should take a hack at school since the grant is decent, get some actual certification on our resume so we can get a real job" and then forgot that the reason we don't already have official certification is because formal schooling historically has had worse effects on our overall mental health than almost literally anything else in our life, and now that's eating 4-6 hours of our life per day with an extra few hours of recovery after which makes it unfortunately difficult to work on art.

[soracities]

I have been thirty for a few months. I never thought I'd make it, truly. I had no plans beyond twenty. I'm a high school drop out with various disabilities, I'm not conventionally 'attractive', I've never had many friends and my support network has failed me several times. And the idea of making plans, after a trail of failures and let-downs (both of myself and others), only filled me with dread. I have to take care of so much. I have my blessings, of course, but not without my own troubles. I have never been on a date, I've never been kissed even though I do want that. I've had to make the decision between bills and feeding myself. I've watched everyone around me fade away or leave. This, however, will pass. This time, in ten years, I'll have been forty for a few months. In twenty, I'll be fifty. And I can see myself being those ages. This year, I planted flowers for the first time and I've watched them grow. I've started reading after years of being told I am too stupid to understand things or that having joys won't make me successful. I've made new friends. I even repaired the strained relationship with my parents, something I never thought I'd be able to do. My life isn't going to be plastered on a big screen or be a bestseller but I don't need it to be. If I never marry or I die alone with no one, I don't think I'll regret it because I'll have myself. My thirties, I realize, are my gift to myself to know love and be loved by myself. Like I ... was the one who grew those flowers that made me happy because I know flowers make me happy, I chose to read the books I love because I know that they will make me happy, I choose to find my little joys instead of the joys others have expected of me. I'll get myself to forty, fifty, maybe even a hundred! I'll continue to give myself little joys because right now that is what is making me happy. That may change at forty! At fifty, a hundred, I don't know! I believe, however, I would like to find out ... and that is something I never would have said at twenty. I don't know if I will make it because as my farmer of a grandfather would say, "You have no idea what a year will bring." And you don't, there is no way to predict what the year, the month, or even tomorrow will bring, but you plant the seeds anyway. You plant them and take care of them as though you know they get to full ripeness and harvest. That process, I've learned for myself, is how I've found love. I just plant the seed today. I may or may not have flowers tomorrow but knowing that I may is enough for me to want to see.

.

[cheekblush]

really starting to believe that psychic who claimed i’m cursed

[hongtonie]

other people have said this but i really feel like touring every year takes the excitement out of it, especially if you're on the road for most of the year. not only is it physically taxing on the people performing, not to mention the people who work behind the scenes like those who tear down and build up the huge ass sets, but imagine the excitement of concerts after restrictions lifted. imagine the excitement of getting to see your favorite group for the first time in 2, 3, 4 years. when there's not that much time between tours it's so much less exciting, not to say you can't still be excited but it isn't the same. and as we've seen kpop companies love to have comebacks in the middle of tour and add in other schedules which has consistently led to injuries that never heal because all they do is give the person steroid shots instead of letting them rest

[taryn40k]

And this completes... The introduction of the Halo Device Arc! :D So~! It seems now our friend Taryn has found himself a new accessory! :D Surely this won't end poorly for him! (This arc will progress as things go, so feel free to send me more stuff, life continues onboard the inquisitorial ship! :D)