#this post was made back in 2020 in the early days of this blog

[knickynoo]

When I’m watching something with Michael J. Fox in it & his character apologizes or asks to borrow something

[sysmedsaresexist]

To the anon asking about my username...

There's a bit of confusion here, I'm going to answer many of your questions but I may not post the ask itself, hopefully it'll make sense :)

When I started my blog I was heavily anti endo and I specifically posted bad pro/endo takes, debunking or just laughing. To this day, most of it is still pretty hilarious. I wasn't focused on cringe, but totally crazy, out there claims that made zero sense and were flat out wrong. Check out my tags #shit endos say, #shit singlets say, and my newest tag, #shit anti endos say, I hope you have a laugh at a couple of them.

In my pinned post, you'll see the thing that started it all. A pro endo saying that sysmeds are sexist.

I would also like to know how they came to that conclusion. I'm right there with you. Also like you, I still have many issues with the pro/endo community. I believe CDDs are trauma based disorders. I post research pretty much weekly about it (check out #debunk and #research). I think endogenic plurality and CDDs are completely different things.

And you know what, my pro endo friends support me. We're all learning. I'm kind with my opinion, I'm open to talking about it, we debate, we share resources, we change our views and adjust based on new info.

This blog corrects misinformation from both sides, now. Some of it is worse than others. Antis can and do spread just as much misinformation as pro/endos.

What I would encourage you to do is start with the multiple selves theory. It actually developed right alongside Freud's theories on hysteria (which included early versions of CDDs at the time), and if Freud hadn't been such a perv, it might actually be much more well-known. It's a nonpathological theory on consciousness and philosophy. People have been describing this phenomenon for a very long time, "endogenic" is just the newest term for it. Here's a couple examples.

2015 - at any given moment in time, one or another of our subselves is in control and determines how we think and act.

1987

2012 - this one has so many links to other people talking about this theory

2023 - These results suggest that the normative principles by which agents have adapted to complex changing environments may also explain why humans have long been described as consisting of “multiple selves.”

2020

2010

Like I said, though, you can find this stuff as far back as the 50s with ease, anything older might take a bit more digging, but it's not a small or new theory.

I think an overlap in language has created a lot of confusion, but it's really not out of the realm of possibility for people to be more in tune with these parts of themselves. It's been documented for over a century outside of psychology, in other areas of research-- anthropology, philosophy.

I'm going to be honest, I don't think a single one of the headmate sale blogs are real. I think they're antis trying to start shit. Like maybe one out of every ten is actually someone misguided behind the screen.

Even CDD systems still incorrectly believe in core theory, endogenics picked it up from us and don't know any better. System resets aren't real, but there are real experiences that can FEEL like a reset-- try being patient and educating people. Ignore the others, because some people just can't be helped, and you're better off spending your time spreading good, accurate posts than arguing with people who don't want to learn anything.

I forget what I was saying.

Anyways, I'm a pro endo sysmed.

I hope you'll stick around and see what's going on.

[clevercatchphrase]

Cheers to a decade

My blog is 10 years old today. I have some thoughts.

On Januray 22nd, 2015, I made this tumblr blog. I remember it being my second semester of my senior year in college and feeling lost and depressed in my dorm room. Despite being in the class of 2015, I had technically graduated the winter prior, having come in to college with enough AP credits from high school to be ahead a semester. I remember not being ready to become an "official" adult yet. Despite having a degree, I didn't feel like I had enough choices in my future, so I stayed an extra year (3 semesters) and got a second degree before finally just being too sick of college life to stay there any longer.

I made this blog to practice art, but in truth, I think it was to distract myself from existential dread of being bottle necked into an occupation I didn't want with little to no choice of upward movement. I can't remember my exact thoughts, but I have a strong feeling it was along the lines of "if I can't get a job I like with my entomology degree, then I will practice art and try my luck as a freelance artist!" Not that freelance is any easier than an hourly paid 9 to 5, but at least it let me feel like I had more options.

It's so surreal scrolling back to that very first year. I posted a lot more frequently and did a lot more doodles and sketches and figure drawings back then. I didn't care about scheduling or queuing posts. I saw a cool tutorial? Neat, I'm reblogging this right now. just pumped out a 2 minute doodle of an animal, and it's going up on the blog immediately. I did more art challenges. Heck, I made a 50 day art challenge for homestuck and DID it! I made my very first long form song comic less than a month after creating this blog. It was for kingdom hearts set to the song "king" by Lauren Aquilina (which was almost certainly inspired by the LoZ song comic made by caffeineandcarpaltunnel set to the same song 2 years prior. (and I don't even play loz, I just liked the song)). I can't help but question myself; "where did all this motivation go?" "Where did all that passion go?" "Now I only post one piece of art a week and queue all the other stuff in november only." (Well, I didn't start doing that last thing until 2022, so I guess I can always revert my neurotic habits). But then I have to remember that until the summer of 2016, I didn't have a job. I didn't have bills. I lived in dorm rooms and off of college loans that funded my meal plan. Any time I wasn't studying or hanging out with other Cepheids (shout out to the 3 of you who know what that means) I was undoubtedly on the internet, enjoying what the 2010's web had to offer.

Can you believe youtube hadn't officially been around for 10 years at that point? musical.ly hadn't merged with TikTok yet because TikTok hadn't even been created in 2015. Vine still existed. This blog is even older than Undertale's official release.

I can't help but think of my life in "chunks" or "eras", some based on where I lived at the time, some based on the state of the world at the time, but a majority of it based on the media I was obsessed with at that time. (For example, 1998 to 2002 I refer to as the "hawaii era" because my family was military and we were stationed in Hawaii.) Shorter eras can also exist within bigger eras, like 2016 to 2020 is my zoo era, because I was a part time zookeeper, but it exists within my undertale era, which is still ongoing (this hyperfixation has a choke hold on me). So whenever I am given a date, I cross-reference it with what era of my life it occurred in, comparing it to my mental state and what was happening with my life. This blog started in my homestuck era (which went from early 2011 to late 2015) and it fucking showsssssss.

Another example; some of the earliest art on this blog was for Kingdom Hearts, because I am a KH fan. KH3 released in 2019. My blog had just turned 4 years old THREE days prior in 2019. KH3 will be SIX years old three days from today. 2019 was before the pandemic. I was still at my zoo job. Ghost switch wasn't even 1 year old yet. It's this kind of mental math that I am constantly doing for everything all the time whenever I have a date to compare to. Why do I do this? I have no clue. To measure up progress or advancements? To contrast what I've accomplished in that same amount of time versus what others have achieved? I don't know, but I've always done it and I will never stop. The endless forward march of time bewitches me so in this way.

Looking at the years and dates, remembering how it overlapped with my time in college and the memes of the early 2010s, which reminds me of my college era (fall 2011 to spring 2016) which brings up a whole well of other memories, like the world ending in 2012, the let's players I'd watch because I didn't have a gaming console or tv in my dorm, the basketball concessions I'd volunteer at to pay for my ticket to go to the student-run convention in the spring, the libraries and computer labs and dining halls, and shitty dorm room thermostats in winter and it's blaring fire alarms that would go off at 3 am because people microwaved popcorn wrong, and the time it rained so hard on campus that the basement hangout zone flooded.

Man... this whole thing got melancholic. I thought it would be nostalgic, but now it feels like I'm doing an elephant walk for my own blog (again, shout out to the three of you who knows what that even means). I don't know if my past self would recognize or approve of who I am now. And yet, I also can't say i've changed all that much. I still live at home with my family because I can't afford a house of my own. I still keep up with the youtube channels I subscribed to in 2013. I still check in on the webcomics that went on indefinite hiatus in 2010. I still use the same deviantart account I made in 2007. I still log on to my neopets account that I made in 2004.

This blog has been with me through a third of my life.

I don't know what I'll do when I finish Ghost Switch. (which will still take me 6 more years to finish, don't worry, I'm not going anywhere soon). Maybe i'll go back to posting shitty little doodles that I drew quickly in 2 minutes to practice figure drawing. Maybe I'll finally learn to code and make that visual novel I've been brainstorming since 2017. Maybe I'll make more (shorter) webcomics with my own OCs. Maybe I'll sit down and actually seriously think about professionally editing and querying a few of those novel drafts I wrote for nanowrimo, which I've also done for 10 years now, too. Maybe I'll come out of the closet and finally embrace the fact that I am a furry and draw nothing but anthro wolves and dogs.

Last year, I pulled out 10 old composition notebooks that I used as diaries for the years 2005 to 2010. This covered the beginning of seventh grade for me, to the end of 11th grade. Rereading these journals was simultaneously the most hysterical things I've ever written as well as the most depressing shit I've ever written, but that's just middle and high school for ya, babe. Still, I bring it up because when I look back on the past, I never know what I will think or feel about the past in hindsight. Seeing so many informative and hilarious posts from those early years fills me with great joy and also great sorrow, because those times are gone now. The internet landscape has changed so much, tumblr included. I do wish I could go back, sometimes. To go back to being so care-free, to relive those highs fandoms gave me when everything was new and exciting and happening Right Now, to be less stressed out about the state of the world, to laugh at stupid nonsensical rage comic memes.

But I also want to stay right here. To be proud of how far I've come, to appreciate what I've accomplished so far, and to remind myself that Today is good, too. I don't want to waste all my time wishing to go back to the past, because in 10 years from now, I'm going to wish I could come back to Now.

Do I even think tumblr will still be around in 2035? Probably. We're kinda like a roach like that, and also i've got some posts queued for 2033 that i need to see go live for The Bit.

Anyway, to end this reflection on a more positive note, thanks for hanging around for so long. We're all stuck on this glue trap together, but I'm glad I'm with you. These last 10 years have been interesting and wild, both on and off the internet, and I hope the thrills don't stop anytime soon.

[threecheersforsuccess]

I've been yapping for too many years, so I need a living masterpost of the guides and blogs from my Tumblr and Instagram. I feel some of my old work might be outdated, so please take my wording with a chunk of salt.

I'll update my with my content as I go.

Stuff from 2024

♡ What's in my bag? (2024)

My Motivation Education Video Series (2022-2023)

♡ Part 0: Something Much Needed Among Students: Motivation ♡ Part 1: Bare Bones Definition of Motivation ♡ Part 2: Self-efficacy, I think ♡ Part 3: Where is the control? ♡ Part 4: Reward or Autopilot ♡ Part 5: Determination to Continue ♡ Part 6: Personal Interest ♡ Part 7: Outside The Model ♡ Part 8: Where is the willpower? ♡ Part 9: Is stress even a bad thing? Note: I stopped because I did not like the short video format. I'm not sure if I may pick this up again, but I do think the lessons I learned from my readings are pretty neat :)

5am.Raining's Studying Challenge (2022)

Note: A challenge led by my cool mutual 5am.raining on Instagram. I slowly figure out how to make videos. It's a little wonky at the beginning, but I find my style! I made these posts in 2022 ♡ Poorly Filmed Day in My Life! ♡ My Studying Role Model... Haruhi from Ouran... ♡ Fave Leader in My Field: Carol Dweck ♡ What gets me in the mood to study? ♡ What I want to do with my degree... ♡ My Fave Reading Assignment ♡ Study Tunes ♡ How to get back into reading books ♡ Favorite study supplies ♡ Planning Routine (2022 version) ♡ Organizing My Desk ♡ What's in my backpack? ♡ Inspiring Film or Doc on My Field ♡ Imposter Syndrome ♡ "Study Buddy" ♡ Coping with Long Study Sessions

Flipd Productivity and Motivation Challenge Blogs

Note: I yapped so hard I won the productivity challenge. I wrote these around junior year of college (2021). ♡ Long-Term Destination, Short-Term Motivation: Living in The Moment ♡ Embedding Self-forgiveness in Your Self-Care ♡ Study Essentials ♡ The Importance of Play and Breaks ♡ Quote of Week Analysis: Self-Acceptance ♡ How I Plan My Everyday ♡ The Biggest Time Management Misconception I'm Trying to Get Over ♡ Recognizing Burnout (and Listening to Yourself) ♡ Building an Academic Support System ♡ Ways to Make Yourself Take Breaks ♡ The Challenges of a Positive Mindset ♡ How I Build Habits (based on James Clear's Atomic Habits)

Diana's Studying Challenge (2021)

Note: A challenge lead by my cool mutual dianas.desk on Instagram. I made these posts in 2021. Day 1: Challenge Introduction Day 2: What Gets Me Motivated Day 3: Cleaning My Desk Day 4: Study Tunes/Songs I Listen and Avoid Day 5: Current Books I'm Reading Day 6: Relaxation! Arknights Projekt Red Bullet Journal Spread Day 7: My Happy Place Day 8: Week Reflection Day 9: How I Plan Day 10: My Summer 2021 Work Routine Day 11: My Desk Essentials Day 12: Study Snack (Natto) Day 13: Digital or Paper Notes? Which is Better? Day 14: How I Self-Care Day 15: My School Bag Day 16: Proudest Achievement Day 17: Most Favorite Productivity App/Website Blocker Day 18: Work Buddies Day 19: Inspirational Quotes Day 20: My Favorite Place to Work Day 21: #MessyDesk Day 22: Guilty Pleasure Day 23: My Favorite Study Accounts Day 24: Study Methods I Do Not Like Day 25: Trying out a new place to work? Day 26: Part 2 of My Unconventional Study Tips (same as above) Day 27: My Outfit Day 28: Making a Gratitude List Day 29: My Aspirations Day 30: Today I learned… Day 31: September Goals

My Study Tips

Note: I wrote many of these either in 2020 or very early on (2017-2018). Super old stuff. ♡ Unconventional Study Tips Part 1 + Part 2 ♡ One Effective Memorization Tip ♡ Dealing with Bad Grades: What I Do ♡ How to get 800 on the SAT in Math and Full Points on Grammar ♡ Causes of Procrastination + Methods for Each ♡ How to Study When Unmotivated ♡ Making Your Discord Study Space ♡ Ways to Go to Bed Early ♡ My Super Ultimate Guide to AP Calc AB and BC ♡ Using Your Phone Productively (2018)

Journaling

♡ How I Journal (2017) ♡ How I Use My Notebooks (2018) ♡ How to Keep a Daily Journal (2020) ♡ How to Get into Creative Journaling (2022)

Dividers by @fairytopea

[batsplat]

hello!!! i wanted to ask you something, i just saw video of gigi and when they asked him about how he'd define dovi he said fast after thinking about it for too long 😭 so i was wondering if you had some post about the dovi/ducati relationship?

( https://www.instagram.com/reel/C_hrfEKojxd/?igsh=MWtmMXQwYnRlbnF2dQ== )

thank you so much anyways!!! i love your blog 💕💕

(link) can I just say, I think everyone should go watch this because if anything anon is underselling just how long dall'igna pauses. I actually burst out laughing, it's comical

anyway, don't have a post about this specifically but it's an easy one to answer - they HATE each other. quite infamously so, like this was a common bit of paddock gossip for years and years. an open secret that they could barely be in the same room as each other. like here from 2020:

and from a little later in 2020, in the context of dovi leaving ducati:

not ideal, is it. they frequently clashed about development direction... plus dall'igna was a big jorge advocate within ducati, which dovi was unsurprisingly not massively into. important bit of context that dall'igna and jorge had already worked with each other back in their aprilia days. dall'igna's always been a jorge fan, something you would maybe not say is true of dovi. essentially dovi persistently thought ducati weren't listening enough to him and dall'igna persistently thought ducati could be performing better with a better rider. dall'igna never felt like dovi was riding the bike the way it was supposed to be ridden, and eventually the mounting tensions caused an irreconcilable rift between the pair of them

at the latest by 2019, things had definitely soured - with reports around the time of sachsenring of strained relations within the ducati camp, and dovi increasingly publicly critical of ducati:

'did not need to explicitly mention' like that's how you can tell everyone knew they had beef lol

luckily for us, however, we don't even have to rely on rumours here - because dovi went for a bit of a scorched earth approach in early 2021 once him and ducati had parted ways. actually went on the record with a lot of his dall'igna criticisms, all timer interview quite frankly. first he says he hasn't spoken properly with dall'igna for years -

- and is also kind enough to confirm that jorge's arrival specifically soured things lol. then he talks about how much power dall'igna has within ducati:

do we think. do we think from the tone. do we think from the tone that dovi maybe doesn't think ducati made the right choice in going for jorge

goes on to say that the split was always going to happen due to a particularly acrimonious meeting in the middle of 2019, the aftermath of the aforementioned sachsenring troubles. he also accuses ducati of not handling contract negotiations in a sufficiently transparent manner:

obviously the interview caused a bit of a stir, and dall'igna gave quite a muted response that didn't really address anything dovi said specifically:

but you can ofc tell dall'igna isn't a massive fan of dovi, as nicely illustrated by the clip shared above. I also remember watching an interview recent-ish where dall'igna was banging on about how much jorge had helped develop the bike, which. y'know. I'm sure jorge did provide useful input, but it does all feel a little pointed. just all got quite ugly between the two of them, which is also a big reason for why such a successful partnership ended on quite so sour a note

[pinkyjulien]

It's been rotating in my head all morning and since I have to wait a few hours to get my day started, might as well throw my two cents in a proper post

We really should talk about Kerry Eurodyne

Now before you run off, I think it's important to point something out; As a fandom veteran who been here since early 2021, I think others will agree when I say that the discourse surrounding Kerry has always been a hot topic that comes back around every few weeks- but why does it keep coming back?

I'm well placed to know that ignoring a problem and not talking about it publicly doesn't solve anything; everyone is quick to throw assumption and accusations, to make "callout" post, to blow things out of proportions, to take someones's squick as personal attack, and the mob mentality does the rest; everyone follow whoever is going to be the loudest about an ongoing "fandom drama"

This isn't an attempt to show anyone that they're "wrong" or "right"; there is no right or wrong in this recurring discourse. This post is an attempt at opening an healthy and mature conversation! I come in peace gfhgfh

Prefacing this by saying that I'm not a Kerry fan, and I'm not bisexual. So why the hell do I care? Well to be frank, I don't particularly care, I have my own opinions on the character, but I do care (to an extent) about this "community" and I hate seeing what happened to me happen to others, especially new commers who never meant anything wrong. Nobody deserves to be bullied out of a fandom for sharing their opinions on their own blog/space!

Alright this intro was long but let's get on it- buckle up cause this is going to be a looooot of rambling

━

Through the years/months, I've noticed something rather sad; this isn't a debate between bisexual people vs biphobic people, as a lot of people might think and assume; this has always been queer people sharing, sometimes in a really awkward and hurtful way, their interpretation of a character (don't block me yet, please hear me out)

Those who know me knows that I personally care a lot about the canon and writers's visions, so first I want to share some posts about Kerry made by his literal "parents"

Mateusz Tomaszkiewicz, Narrative Designer at CDPR, shared informations on the different romance interest back in December 2020, on the game's release day

When asked about a MLM relationship option, here what he states:

(don't leave just yet)

On a now-deleted comment, RTalsorianGames, original creator of the Cyberpunk tabletop game and by definition original creator of Kerry Eurodyne, stated the following:

Please note that CDPR did in fact consult with Mike himself about Kerry being a MLM exclusive romance!

(Also this isn't a debate about if Kerry cares about V or not, let's not derail this conversation, remember that everyone is allowed to interpret a character and a relationship as they wish)

I wanted to share these tweets to point something really important; there is no "right" or "wrong" label for Kerry, and it all boils down to interpretation < key word

Kerry have multiple states; we HAVE to remember Kerry exist in some kind of cyberpunk multiverse!

We have his 2020 and 2023 self that are confirmed to be bisexual; this is the Kerry Mike and RTalsorian created, the Kerry they have full control and say over; the same young Kerry we see in Johnny's flashback

And then comes his 2077 self, which we see confirmed above as labeled as Homosexual (which again as been approved by Mike himself)

I personally think it's important to start with what his different creators have to say; Kerry is both Mike's and CDPR's character; Kerry is both labeled as being Bisexual and Homosexual

There is a lot of reasons why this change / evolution was made, even tho we all know the main reason; they needed a MLM romance in the game to complete the LI roster. But why take an already established character, a Bi character even, for the Gay romance?

I've seen a lot of people saying that CDPR erased his bisexuality, I understand why it might feel like this, but I don't think it's true or fair! Again, remember that Mike gave his OK for this; he could've at any moment said no, Kerry is HIS baby first and foremost

In game, we learn about Kerry's ex wife and kids; this is something CDPR could've not included at all (and THIS would've been erasing his bisexuality imo) it's not even something that is said out loud, but something to be found by dedicated fans; it's here on purpose, to give depth to the character and to his personal life!

We also see a couple of feminine clothes around his villa; let's not assume anything here, clothes have no genders especially in the 2077 setting, but it can also well point at one-night stand with women and/or multi-gender orgies for example

But, this won't be anything new or controversial, Kerry pushes femV advances in game- this is simply a fact! Like it or not, that's how CDPR's writers, RTAL and Mike decided to evolve Kerry's character for the game; everyone was ok with this

━

Now comes the root of the debate; Is it homophobic to mod Kerry to be romanceable by a femV? and is it biphobic to not be comfortable with this?

No, and no - (don't leave just yet, please read a bit more)

Remember that I'm "just" a gay man, I've had discussion with friends of all gender and orientation about this topic and it's been enlightning to hear the different opinions on the matter!

As previously mentioned, it all boils down to Interpretation.

The discourse recently came back because someone shared their uncomfortableness regarding mods that change Kerry's preferences; in the post tags, OP made sure to say that everyone was free to do anything, to ship anything, and that this was just their opinion; but obviously the fandom didn't read that part and started to throw accusation around, and here we are (I shouldn't have to remind people that we all are free to share whatever on our respective blogs, if it hurts you just block the person, don't jump them)

OP is a Bisexual Man; a lot of other Bisexual Men related to this post and rebloged it, sharing their thoughts in the tags (I also rebloged it, I know it caused a few people to back off and block me as a result, which I respect totally)

Going to pick up my questions back up to hopefully state my opinions and "analyses" of the situation as clear as possible

Is it homophobic to mod Kerry to be romanceable by a femV?

No, it's not

Kerry is bisexual, he was married to a women, and potentially still have sex with women and fem individuals, these infos are all canon in game.

Kerry pushes femV flirts away; but since he experience attraction to women, who is to say that in someone's own canon, their fem OC isn't a V, and doesn't have Johnny involved, changing how Kerry and their OC meet drastically; Kerry could fall in love with her! He could; he's bisexual after all.

Is it biphobic to not be comfortable with this?

No, it's not

Kerry has a clear preference for men; CDPR choose to show this multiple time in the game, during Johnny's flashback we can see him make out with a masc fan, we can see him being vulnerable with Johnny (imo, his lil crush is showing hard)

I personally haven't seen it/heard it in game, but I've been told that after learning about Kerry's ex-wife, Johnny has a vocal, surprised reaction, has if imagining Kerry with a woman is strange to him

However, there is a lot of biphobic things being said in the discourse, and not in the way you might think of

I thankfully never see the full extent of it; I don't see the obviously biphobic takes, stating that Kerry SHOULD NEVER be with a femV, people being nasty and ATTACKING femV/Kerry shippers; this is never ok, these have been blocked for a long time now

But I sadly see the other takes, which always icked me a bit; the takes that say, "you bisexuality isn't worth of respect if it isn't a 50/50 attraction at all time", takes that are sadly biphobic in nature (making it clear that I'm not pointing finger at anyone, nor am I accusing anyone of being biphobic)

This is what it boils down to, I think, this is the root of the problem

As mentioned before, a lot of Bisexual Men expressed their uncomfort when it comes to femV/Kerry mods; it invalidated Kerry's preference. But this isn't about Kerry, he's fictional, he CANT be hurt by anything, by mods or art or whatever; It invalidate Bisexual Men that share the same preference in Men, Bisexual men that related to Kerry for X or Y.

Bisexuality is a spectrum, queer people has been fighting against Bi erasure for years, but also against Bi stereotypes; and I think this is one of them? (Please correct me if I'm wrong)

Bisexuality isn't a strict 50/50 split preference- it can be! But 60/40, 20/80 and even 99/1 attractions are still Bisexual attractions. I've met a lot of queer people who, despite being bisexual by definition, choose not to label as such (prefering to label as straight or gay depending on their preferences) just because of this "bisexual police" imposing a strict 50/50; "How can you be bisexual, you've only dated men/women" etc

This is what is being imposed in the fandom, this is how it might looks like to people; when you attack a Bisexual Man sharing his uncomfort in seeing people not respecting a Bisexual character's preference, you're telling them "Hey, your bisexuality isn't valid if you have a preference". You're telling them "Your bisexuality isn't correct". You're showing them that you "fixed" a "flawed" bisexual character "that got erased as gay for having a preference" by "modding his bisexuality back"

Kerry being written as MLM exclusive in Cyberpunk 2077 isn't bi erasure; he's still Bisexual, he simply has a strong preference for Men. A preference that he always had, but that can also be amplified after his divorce with his ex wife, for multiple reasons; I also don't have to point out how many queer people in real life explored their homosexuality after being in a hetero-marriage for most of their lives! And that's ok, queer love is an ever evolving spectrum, and I think it's awesome we get more fleshed out characters that explore this in depth

I've seen people compare Kerry to Johnny, and I don't think it's fair; for the simple reason that Kerry is a romance option and Johnny is not.

Johnny express a clear preference for women; however he replies to V (and flirt, in some case) the same way regardless of gender! Kerry on the other end, as previously said, pushed femV's advanced away. Something Johnny can't do since he's not a romance option; tho if he was, and if he was pushing mascV advances away, it would be the exact same situation and same problematic!

Another character that is canonly bisexual is Goro; he replies to V's flirt through text messages the exact same way, he doesn't seem to express any preferences (and no, his "obligation in japan" isn't necessarily a wife, this is heteronormative and another problem all together, not the subject here)

People can express being uncomfortable seeing Johnny with a given gender, or Goro with a given gender; but there isn't any """reason""" to it outside of personal preferences

Kerry situation is problematic because it lies in his clearly, canonly stated preference, how people decide to interpret it, and how it can come off to other queer people who might share sexuality and/or preference with the character

━

Everyone is free to ship whoever however they want

But please; remember that everyone is different. People being uncomfortable with a character bisexuality preference being ""fixed"" shouldn't be too surprising; and if it is, please re-read my post/ You have to be ok with this fact, it's OK to make content that might be uncomfortable for others; this is fiction!

There isn't any Right or Wrong way to be bisexual, to be queer Kerry's bisexuality is perfectly fine; unmodded or modded Everyone is Different; Every Queer experiences is different People relate to characters in different way

Nobody is being misoginist; there isn't any double standard at play

Bisexual people sharing their opinions on their own blogs on how a fandom handle a character's bisexuality isn't biphobic, or an attack to anyone who interpret the character differently!

I promise you nobody is attacking anyone, and a lot of things being said accidently comes off as biphobic on both sides of this eternal "debate"

It all comes down to respecting others interpretations, and agreeing to disagree! Tumblr's filtering system work great, you can easily filter and block tags, or even people if needed

I might've said things awkwardly, and for this I apologise; but don't put words I didn't say into my mouth! If you don't agree, that's fine, and you're more than welcome to filter/block me if needed; but please do not paint me as biphobic or misoginist, same goes to everyone who shared their thoughts on the matter, these are serious accusation and can wrongfully hurt a lot of people

Ship and let Ship, take care of yourselves and remember to curate your space 🙏

[datura-tea]

holy shit this year marks 10 years of this blog and moz!! i can't remember the exact date i started posting here - my archive says i have one post from november 2013 but let's disregard that - but i do remember it was around late 2014/early 2015 :)

^ one of the very first moz art pieces i ever drew, for fallout week 2015!!

memories and art through the years under a read more bc it got long

2014 → baby's first rpg!! i started playing fnv on my cousin's jailbroken xbox late 2013 and finished mid 2014 and i loved every minute of it. i remember waking up at 8am and playing almost nonstop until 2am the next day haha!

i didn't play moz on my first playthrough - but i did start creating a character that would eventually become her: a shorthaired ex-boxer who punched her way through obstacles when diplomacy failed. i remember she spent a lot of time with boone. i liked him then, because he saved my ass more times than i can count. but i digress. this is draft 1 moz essentially

2015 → this is the year that i was doing my thesis so i could graduate but i was so depressed and stressed about it that i distracted myself by replaying fnv on pc, where i played through the dlcs for the first time. i fell in love with the dlcs' oversarching story; particularly ulysses, who i became obssessed with, especially since i couldn't find any content of him at the time. in the game, i played as moz; i had most of her personality and choices down, but her backstory was still up in the air.

fun fact: this was an existing sideblog that i remade to be a fallout blog so i could look for ulysses content, and when i couldn't find any, i made some myself, featuring moz as my main courier six. originally, i didn't ship them, but eventually i ended the year as a courier/ulysses otp shipper.

this was the year i started drawing digitally - my uncle let me borrow a drawing tablet and i used an old copy of photoshop i pirated hehe

2016 → i graduated this year!! and promptly fell deeper into my depression. this was the year that it got so bad that i had to be medicated. through it all, this blog and moz and ulysses and my fandom friends were with me. and for that i am truly grateful :) this was the year i figured out how to lock transparent pixels so that i could color my lineart lol

2017 → i started hammering out moz's backstory this year i think. there's a lot of sketches of her and her family in my files. i experimented with shading and backgrounds here but that experimentation was pretty short-lived

2018 → i started using references seriously!!!! i did a lot of oc on oc kissing this year, featuring mostly moz and many friend ocs haha

2019 → didn't draw much this year. actually this year was a blur and i can't remember much from it except from it being the year of my terrible no good bad copywriting jobs... anyway i did manage to continue my courier/ulysses brainrot and make this piece, which i'm still proud of

2020 → pandemic time. i spent a lot of time asleep at home and i think this was also the year i started doing commissions?? shoutout to anyone who has ever commissioned me - thank you so much, i truly appreciate it!!

2021 → i switched from my old-ass pirated photoshop to clip studio paint and never looked back. also i did a bunch of commissions for my grandmother's surgery, which failed, and i distracted myself from the sadness by drawing my ocs over and over and playing disco elysium

2022 → by this year, i've got moz down pat and have started vaguely developing other ocs instead. but she's still always at the back of my mind

2023 → i bought new brushes from true grit texture supply and immediately found new favorites that i started using for everything. i tentatively started incorporating background elements in some pieces!

2024 → while it's still too early to say where this year will lead me art-wise, i will say that i started experimenting in realistic paint studio (which i bought in 2021, the same time as clip studio paint) a few days ago and i'm liking the results so far. we'll see!

all in all, these last 10 years have been quite a ride, but i'm glad i stuck around and i'm glad you guys stuck around too!! much much love 💖💖💖

[incorrectfmaquotes]

Today marks 6 years since I started this blog!

Thank you all for following! Whether you followed back in October 2017 or earlier today, I appreciate every single one of you.

And for some other things I wanna say, which I don't think affects anyone and isn't exactly news, especially to anyone who might be paying attention, but more just me acknowledging it: I haven't really been attending to this blog that much in the past couple of years, but especially this one. I've largely just let the queue run and fill it up with older quotes every couple of months. I made this blog when I was in high school and had more free time; I am now something that somewhat resembles an actual adult (if you squint maybe) with more Adult Responsibilities and Situations (but as I have unfortunately realized, adulthood does not erase feeling teenage emotions all that much). I've had less time and frankly less bandwidth to devote more time to this blog - especially to create quotes at the rate I did the first 3 years. And something that has hindered me even more in attending to this blog and is in part why I started to do so was that starting around 2020, a lot of times, I could not open my inbox, direct messages, or activity page on this site. I don't know if the culprit of that was my browser, my old laptop, or our famously well-functioning website Tumblr, but this would frequently happen and would do so for weeks at a time. I'm not saying this was the only reason why there have been unanswered asks and submissions for years (see above: increasing Adult Situations and the Toll they have taken on me), but that certainly played a heavy hand.

I'm in some new circumstances and over the past couple weeks, they have been a bit more stable and consistent - I've actually made about 85 new incorrect quotes and have put them in the queue, an amount I don't think I've been able to manage since the early months of 2020 before quarantine. Opening the inbox and DMs seem to be less of a problem lately, so I've also put in the queue a good amount of those submissions I've had sitting in my inbox for a while and will try to do more, though unfortunately some of the blogs that have submitted quotes have since been deactivated. I'm going to try to answer some asks in the coming days, but again, a lot of these are months and years old, and a part of me feels a bit awkward only just responding now and I'm wondering if it's respectful at all, but I still wanna do it.

That is to say, even though I am in a more manageable situation, I'm not promising that I am now going to attend to this blog like I did in the beginning, or even that much more than I have the past few years. I have learned that circumstances can change with no notice at all. I'm also not saying there's no guarantee that I'll be even less present here or won't stop running this blog altogether when the current queue runs out - not that I'm planning on it, but I can't completely rule that out as a possibility. But even if I ever stop attending to this blog, I don't think I'll ever delete it altogether, if you're worried about that.

So, thank you for sticking around with this blog for the past 6 years! And for sticking with this post that got a lot longer than I thought it would be. This post probably sounds like a whole lot of nothing, but I still wanted to say it, and I thank you for putting up with it. Hope you have a good day! 💕💕💕

[swandivers]

hey y'all! i'm denver [sh/th, cst, 22] and i decided to full-send and join midasfm with phaze’s do jihan, remedy’s seo daon, and ydh soloist noh saetbyeol. but anyways… this is jihan’s blog so you can find his career info here, his stats here, a pinterest board for him here & (hopefully) everything you need to know under the cut. as per usual, please like this post if you're interested in plotting & i'll reach out to you asap!

i.

tw for a couple brief mentions of substance abuse & hard drugs + the death of a parent (unrelated to the substance abuse/drugs).

born october 28, 1997. was the first child, followed by a sister (do jihye) roughly two years later.

all things considered, jihan had a nearly perfect childhood. his family struggled with money, but both parents were mature enough not to let the kids know too much about that. they were very easy-going and passionate parents—they would not reprimand their children without damn good reason & they would move mountains to see them happy.

became interested in performing very early in life, and thanks to his parents who would do anything for him, he was able to pursue it aggressively. excelled in dance classes. by age 13 he had already decided that he wanted to be an idol. obviously he was made fun of because he was a little lanky ass kid talking about "i'm gonna be an idol!" but he *knew* he could do it, his parents *knew* he could do it, and his sister was already running around telling people he was a trainee before he even had come into contact with any industry insiders. he was loved so much that he was never doubted.

signed to midas music at age fifteen. and the shit going on in those walls blew his mind!

had never really been subjected to true criticism, real competition or... ahem, bullying before so it was hard at first but he was still young enough to be resilient. powered through all the way through the competition show that formed phaze to phaze’s debut, and then he kind of lost his shit and never fully got it back.

struggled to get accustomed to the rush of celebrity life, and it didn't help that phaze exploded onto the scene. there was no easing into it, it was a swan dive. jihan had never really doubted himself before, but something about it all made him start to experience imposter syndrome. eventually, that turned into full-blown depression, and in trying to escape the depression, jihan turned to substances.

this is where it got kind of... um... awful! circa 2019-2020, jihan was showing up to *most* schedules hungover, but occasionally felt a little too down and needed a pick-me-up so he would show up actively on something (usually cocaine or adderall) thinking "no one's going to notice". and most people didn't. but those who did notice that *something* was going on started talking, and there have been steady rumors floating ever since. rumors that still float to this day despite him now being 16 months clean/sober.

started to pull away from anyone and everyone who cared about him. did not want anyone calling him out on his shit, did not want anyone talking like they knew what was best for him, did not want those he loved to see how he was changing. this resulted in the steady loss of most/all of his good friendships and the deterioration of his family bonds. things went from bad to worse, and came to a head in 2023 when his mother (who had been sick for a while, and who jihan hadn’t visited) died. he had been in denial that that was a thing that was going to happen and knowing that she probably died wishing he’d come back home one last time crushed him. he went on the worst bender of his life, which he didn’t think would matter too much as it occurred when he didn’t have shit going on career-wise, but then a threatening post surfaced. someone claiming to have damning footage of him. probably from when he was on that bender. midas music covered it up but obviously he had to feel some kind of consequences… and boy, he’s still feeling ‘em!

has been going through various forms of “therapy” ever since, not exactly by choice. will bitch and complain about it but it’s helping. as mentioned before, is currently about 16 months clean/sober.

has had a careful eye kept on him since then as well. is treated like a rookie basically. it’s funny, except it isn’t. everyone else in phaze has gotten to have a solo debut and he can’t until “his behavior improves” :~) except he has a sneaking suspicion that midas music’s trust in him can never fully be restored, and therefore a solo debut will never come.

is bitter, hates phaze because of it. is it nice to be a part of something successful? yeah. however, jihan’s over it and not sure he can ever get back into it. tends to focus on other things, particularly girl code. has produced & written a decent amount for them since their debut and it mostly fills the void.

ii.

before, jihan was an almost stupidly sweet kid, though somewhat entitled. he knew what he wanted out of life and he knew that he’d get it. this confidence could be annoying, but it was harmless and genuine—he had never been faced with doubt, so he never learned to doubt himself. simple as that. was pretty friendly in his own offbeat way, typically keeping to himself *but* quick to join someone in the company cafeteria who was sitting alone, eager to help other trainees with their dancing, etc. meant well, always.

obviously, he’s… not like that anymore. he changed pretty quickly following phaze’s debut, thought it wasn’t exactly obvious since he was pretty quiet to begin with anyway—at first, it just seemed like he was talking even less than usual. and then the temper started. out of nowhere, he was angry about everything and seemed to think that everyone was against him. for years, he would flip between being mean for no reason to acting like everything was peachy (of course, never apologizing for his behavior) and would be pretty much unreachable if he didn’t have somewhere he needed to be. as mentioned previously, lost almost all of his friends in this timeframe.

but if we’re analyzing only present-day (2025!) jihan, he’s mellowed out a lot in the past ~year. has come to terms with a lot of the things that he was struggling with and is starting to come to terms with the rest of it. is still a piece of shit, just in less obvious ways: i.e, he will turn any little issue that’s brought up about him on whoever’s bringing it up, will forget important things and then make whoever else is involved feel like shit for *caring*, is disloyal in every aspect of life. he’s pretty impossible to be around if you actually care about him, but is much kinder to surface-level acquaintances. always thinks he can be better with someone who hasn’t already experienced his worst traits because he *thinks* he’s better now, and then the bad traits surface and he’s too full of himself to apologize/even acknowledge that he’s been unkind.

do jihan will never have a redemption arc.

iii.

as far as plots go, i’m down for anything! but here are some ideas to kick things off:

who’s known him for years and is still hanging on for the sake of who he used to be, not who he is now? someone who keeps their fingers crossed hoping things can still be like “the old times”, and it always leads to disappointment.

public bff who started getting to know him in 2023 or 2024 when he was on his Best Behavior, but is now starting to realize he’s a risk to not only his own image, but theirs as well and is consequently trying to pull away from him. as one of his last good friends left, he really doesn’t want to let go.

who’s his keeper within phaze… from the outside, they look like good friends—on the inside, they kind of wish they never met each other. but since they did, and since they’re here together, something’s gotta give. they’re trying their best to keep jihan in line whilst his capacity to care is running out.

does anyone in phaze actually like him anymore? might be nice to have a friend within the group. maybe someone who is still passionate about the group and has struggled to remain friends with jihan throughout his scandals and risky behavior, or a member who also doesn’t really give a shit about phaze anymore but just doesn’t show it so obviously? would kind of like some detailed plotting on this one since there’s so much inherent drama that would come with it.

loves loves loves girl code and works with them often, so any girl code plots!!! a member who hates his stupid ass and just wants him *away* from the group / a member he’s *into* and has expressed his interest in whilst being in a relationship. charming much? open to discussion but probably he doesn’t want to get too involved and she doesn’t want to get attached since she already knows what a dirtbag he is / a member who actually likes him for whatever reason…… good friends, brother-sister vibe? when he’s rotting in the studio, he’ll always open the door for her. probably the only person who can call him on his shit and still be on his good side / etc etc.

is currently on a sober streak. who’s going to bring an end to that? maybe some girl he wants to impress who likes to party or a friend who’s going through something, doesn’t wanna drink alone and insists that “one drink won’t hurt”.

(ex? soon to be ex?) girlfriend who’s over all the bs that being with jihan entails. he’s probably cheated on her/at the very least has had wandering eyes throughout the relationship, but she’s dealt with it because of the thing called Love. hasn’t exactly been mean to her, but hasn’t exactly been kind. she has begged him fifty times to do better. he won’t. * not open to members of girl code considering he enjoys working with them and wants to continue to do so!!!

jihan is and will always be a straight man. but for a period of time, maybe he wasn’t. and maybe he still isn’t. who cares? anyway, he has (used to have?) a thing for this guy that he’d never actually pursue. and honestly, he’s not even sure if the feelings are exactly there anymore, but jihan still doesn’t want to see him happy with someone else, so it manifests as him talking shit about every single “friend” or “fling” that comes up and becoming irritable when he mentions having plans that don’t include him. he’s getting awfully tired of jihan’s negativity. * open to lgbtq or straight characters since it’s not intended to go anywhere. likely a friendship that will see its end throughout the course of the rp since jihan’s just dragging him down.

low-risk friendships where there's not much attachment or loyalty. they do not know each other's birthdays and they do not care to. in fact, they most just talk at each other instead of to each other. still, they have an alright time. / younger/newer male idols who look up to him for whatever reason. godspeed. / someone with a savior complex who thinks they can fix him. godspeed x2. / following locked for female muses only: he’s probably the most ran through man in the industry so any exes/past situationships/past fwbs……. who *actually* fell in love with him somehow and got used by him until they had no choice but to pull away? it’s gotta be someone!

[ch-go-crazy-yall]

Intro Post - Rover / Weatherstrip

⭐️ Since, someone, no one in particular of course, wished for this, here's an intro post for my Side Blog. I post art sometimes, but I'll mostly reblog it, or reblog random stuff.

⭐️ The user name for this blog is stupid because I thought it would be a temporary filament for a small countryhumans hyperfixation. No. I was wrong and I’m too attached to the original name “@ch-go-crazy” to ever let go of it, or rebrand… much from the original. The nickname of being “That WHO and America artist” is because I draw those to ch interpretations a lot. Just because I can.

⭐️ My main is: @polarized-here If you want to be mutuals, just follow me on there or ask 👍 I don’t mind having ch mutuals, I just can’t follow you on this blog. 👍

⭐️ I use the monikers - Rover, Weatherstrip, WHO, etc., some call me Polar or Tori; I don't care. I'm 17, Autistic, Pansexual, and Genderfluid. I use all prns (He/She/They/it/xir) etc etc. use the pronouns you use for yourself, use the obnoxious joke pronouns, use all pronouns or use none. I don’t care. It doesn’t really matter much. I still get tripped up on some pronouns, so it doesn’t really matter to me. Like a lot of things.

⭐️ This is a countryhumans/countryballs/country-personification sideblog I've made after getting sucked back into this fandom 😔😔😔 Because of school, I have a really bad US history hyperfixation, and now a Hyperfixation on ch USA. Despite this, and the 10 books I currently have on US history, I plan to pursue aeronautical engineering, or Astrophysics, idk, whichever I fall into or have more fun in, I guess. I've been in the trenches of this fandom in the early days of 2018-2020, before the hyperfixation came back in November of last year, and I have since been stuck in here for a year, no amount of insults will do anything—just block my faggot ass. I promise nothing bad will happen for you using the resources given to you <3

⭐️ I may talk about my distaste of this fandom and its choices, but that doesn’t mean I want to hear you saying shit about particular people <3 Thxs <3

Tags and stuffs are under the cut <3

Tags I use: Just a note, I'm not organized at all, and may forget to tag something because I posted it to the wrong blog, sorry, it will happen again </3

#chgc's art - my art tag

#chgc posting: going insane a day later - Tag for when I reblog my art a day later, just so it doesn't get buried like, from all the reblogs

#chgc speaks - speaking tag,

#chgc's rambles - also paired with my speaking / nonsense tag, but I plan to use it to talk about HCs I might have

#Not ch - gen tag for noncountryhumans / country personification dings,,,,

#silly stuff :3 - cute or enjoyable things I like, usually paired with "not ch"

#Serious stuff - gen tag for more serious things. Can be things that aren't "sad or triggering" just information that's important / serious.

#sillies between mooties :3 - tag for general interactions between me and my mutuals. usually paired w/ "silly stuffs :3"

#chgc's pinned posts - as the name suggests, stuff for when it is/used to be pinned for whatever.

#chgc’s queued up - for the rare time I feel the need to queue shit up. I usually don't do it.

#USA coded - for stupid (usually non ch / country personification things) videos / other posts that make me think of the blorbo. All usually are just jokes or are for funsies.

⭐️ If you’re reading this, you’re cool ig. Here’s the link to the playlist I made for Countryhumans America. 🙏

⭐️ Okay. That’s all. Idk. Rue the day I’m ever brief on something, Thxs. Bye.

⭐️ Oh Yeagh and forgot to say but my sona is a bee

Just a sillay guy. A little older sketch but ehh mostly the same now

[diced-sugar]

What is Sabre?

The last time I posted here was over three years ago. I suppose with this post I just wanted to give a little update on anyone that may have been interested in the Sabre game at some point, or mainly to chronicle what this blog was about for myself. I'm also not a big fan of internet mysteries left unsolved, so here's just some updates about the history of Sabre and myself.

Sabre was a game that I started to conceptualize in high school a short while after I played the original OFF. OFF is such a special game to me, very near and dear to my heart. Especially back then, it was one of my special interests and was at the forefront of my mind for years. I can't really describe what captivated me so much about it. It was the first time I had been introduced to absurdist concepts like that, if you can call it that, and its storytelling even in its simplicity captured me. I loved it so much, in fact, that I wanted more, which led me to play fangames and eventually design my own.

I started by writing out some dialogue and character concepts on a Google doc, and eventually bought RPG Maker 2003 and got to work. The main character, Mawren, which you can see in the latest screenshots of the new original build as well, was not inherently designed for Sabre, but instead just started off as a simple OFF OC for me. I designed the other characters based off of random things I saw in my life, such as a plant that was given to me for a holiday that I eventually made into to the merchant, Orpheus (the real life plant he's based off of is actually still alive! and its name is also Orpheus).

Anyway, I think barely anyone but me and a handful of others even know who the characters of Sabre are, not for any poor publicity reasons, but rather for the fact that I was very hesitant about sharing Sabre. Surprisingly, there actually is a finished build of Sabre which is still sitting on my computer. This finished build was completed sometime around very late 2019, very early 2020 as I remember rushing to finish it over my winter break for my friends to play. They were my main audience for Sabre, and while I don't talk to them anymore, I feel honored to know that someone enjoyed something I put so much care, love, and hard work into.

But anyway, this completed build was never meant to see the light of day in the OFF community. It was a first draft of sorts, a passion project which I could dump everything into without being too critical of myself. My plan all along had been to construct a version I saw would be more suited for others to play. I also felt, after playing other fangames which I really admired, that I used too many of the original assets of OFF and could have put more developed, original content into it of my own. That's only my own personal opinion in myself. I saw a version of Sabre in my mind that was some sort of improvement, though I still hold that original build near and dear to my heart. It's still a finished product after all, and anyone who works hard on a game or fangame no less should be proud of themselves, regardless of what others may say about the finished product.

But anyway, some time later after the original build, I began to work on a demo for the new Sabre. This would be available for the public to play, and I'd put it on the wiki for easy download. I don't remember exactly, but I think this demo went into about half of zone 1. By this time, my art skills had improved, but I remember I still struggled quite a bit in making my art look 'good' in the confines of the RPG Maker 2003 engine's constraints. Either way, I finished and published this demo on the OFF wiki.

What happened next is what made me give up on Sabre for a long time. I was fortunate to have someone kind in the community play my game and give me feedback on it, though to neither their fault nor mine, they encountered quite a few technical errors which I was embarrassed about. Then I received a message from another player calling me a slur and berating me on the mechanics of my game and how it paled in comparison to another fangame. It absolutely broke my heart and I didn't know what to do. After this, I deleted the demo from the wiki. When I recovered emotionally, I did work on yet another new build, which completely rehauled zone 0, the graphics, the characters, and the story, I stopped after a short while. To note, I'm not upset about that random player anymore. It was a long time ago, I'm a lot older and more emotionally mature, and from what I've heard, they're gone now. So it's all good!

Anyway, Sabre sat like that for a while. During this phase, it was still an OFF fangame. But my interest in OFF was waning as I moved onto other things. I still really adored all the characters I had made, but I began to question if I should keep it as an OFF fangame or not. I didn't want to include many, if any at all, of OFF's original characters, but I still really loved the world. This led me to making the version you'll see in the screenshots below, with Mawren in the forest. I constructed a whole different vision for Sabre, and while it still maintained some aesthetics of OFF, I feel it began to become too far removed to call it a fangame and instead just a game with OFF inspirations.

Now we are here. I haven't worked on either version of Sabre for a while, but I was thinking about it again and OFF and its fangames as a whole. So, I figured I would come back here and write this.

Where does Sabre stand now? Well, I'm not sure. There is a part of me that really adores it as an OFF fangame still. How could I not? That's where it all started, and I feel like it's still rooted in that somehow. But the other part of me desires more freedom than OFF's world, and as I said, my interest in OFF is far less than it was before. I feel that a compromise may be for me to combine the two latest builds of Sabre into one, and say that it just has OFF inspirations, or something like that. Maybe if I keep working on it, since I have gotten ideas for it since then, I'll just see where the path takes me.

But Sabre is not a main priority for me anymore. It's something I revisit every now and then. I have developed other original projects since then that incorporate more of my newer interests and those are my primary focus, since the only rules I'm constrained by are my own. Not that I think a fangame has to perfectly follow all of OFF's rules to be in its world, that's ridiculous. There's creative freedom. But you know what I mean. There will always be that part of me that might feel constrained by them.

So to sum it up, while I still will update this blog with Sabre game updates when I have them, I think they will be extremely rare. I'm 20, I'm in college now and a new semester is going to start soon enough. Drawing what I want is also more fun for me than having to make game assets all the time, and game development in general is a time-consuming process. Not that I don't enjoy it when I want to do it, but I feel like for me personally, I need to be in the right mood for it.

So, that's the deal with Sabre! Thanks for reading if you've come this far. My main goal with this post was to put this out there, mainly for myself so people weren't left hanging or wondering. Though I browse around a lot, I'm not very talkative to others on the internet because I'm quite shy and pretty low energy for socialization.

I also want to say that I think I still may be active elsewhere on Tumblr. I have an art blog, @diced-snowflake, that has been sitting empty for several years that I think I may actually start to use. My main platform for the past several years has been Instagram, but I want to see what things are like here on Tumblr too for my art. If you're interested, there may be something on there.

To everyone who is still out there developing fangames, good luck and I hope that developing them brings you just as much joy as it brought me. Create for yourself and just have fun. Only share it with friends if you want to--that doesn't mean your work is any less worthy. You're making it, you're putting your heart into it. That's what makes it worthy.

Anyway, that's all I've got. I hope everyone has a good day, if anyone else sees this! Now I feel like I can finally put this to rest.

[13tinysocks]

hey dude! What's up :)) been just a little since l've said something

Initially, this is me saying thank you and goodbye

This isn't supposed to be a weird pity story, so l'm so unbelievably sorry if it comes off that way, lol.

When I began reading your work, I was enamoured with fiction because of personal issues (as many usually are, honestly, I know I'm one of god knows how many people trying to run away from life for just a second with fanfics or media in general). I don't know if I will ever be able to communicate this properly, hell, this will even be unbelievable funny or dramatic but I need to get this across because it's coming from a genuine place. Your stories and work thus far has brought me comfort, immense heaps of it, and even still when I deal with things that feel out of reach or too much to actually face head on I find myself wandering back to syg or just your blog in general

I mean this, from my entire heart, thank you and thank Bee. A million times thank you, for making that one silly silly stupid piece of fanfiction, because oh my god it got me through some major stressful hardships within my life for the past 3 years.

I am leaving tumblr, however I’m aware I have submitted asks with my actual accounts before, so you'll likely be able to see they're still gonna be up. I'm just deleting tumblr the app instead of my account, but for other social platforms they will be deleted properly (such as quotev) so I won’t be indulging in much reading anymore when it comes to fanfics and such lol

I don't know if I'll come back, if I do I likely will not be back for long or to be as active as l've been because of the toll social media’s taken. So even as ridiculous as this feels, to tell someone I’m simply a fan of and barely truly know, that their fanfic of murderers and their love story with my self insert kept me pushing through a lot of tough days, I genuinely just had to.

I needed to thank both you and your partner for the work you've both put out. I still have that smiley pin I’d made, and I will cherish what you made quotev have been for me ( I literally found out about the website during early or late 2020 I can barely remember, then later found your fic, I was DEEP DIVING into that shit LMAO )

I hope whatever happens for you and bee in the future is only good, and I only will wish nothing but the best of luck with everything man.

feel free to post this (idk what it’s called but when you publicly reply lol) or not, as long as you read this it’ll mean lots to me !! >:))

your coolest weirdest ticci toby fan whose also named toby, 🐚 annon

I always struggle to convey gratefulness for messages like this and readership- especially repeated readership. My life would be different if it were not for comments and messages egging us on to keep writing from syg to ho1c. While it's easy to say that writing is solely out of passion for the craft there is also the drive to share something with others. Hearing those others loud or quiet as a favorite- does push us forward when we have no motivation or desire to work. That drive has made us closer as a couple, better thinkers, and a halfway decent writing team. I thank you and all the others who send us stuff even if it's shit post asks I never answer because I like having them in my inbox like a personal horde of platonic Valentine's. I like keeping the pieces you give me to myself sometimes. I know it may seem like I'm ignoring you but I find genuine comfort in these messages. That there are so many. That they are so varied. That we have reached beyond our shut-in existence to touch the lives of others.

I find myself wondering where an anon has gone when I do not hear from them in awhile. I wish them well. I wish them better standards than us.

Maybe we'll meet again someday space cowboy. If you're ever back in town feel free to shoot me (a message).

Thank you for reaching out. Thank you for reading. I wish you peace and love and good books.

[letstalkwhump]

Let's Talk Whump

Welcome to Let’s Talk Whump, a series of interviews that spotlight the amazing people in our whump community. I’m Malice and I’ll be your host. 

Joining us today is the fabulous @ashintheairlikesnow!

It’s great to have you here, Ash! Let’s kick this interview off with a fact or two about yourself!

Hi! I go by Ash, I am an ageless elder crone, and my life is built around the whims of an old dog and a very young cat. My primary hobby is reading, and I especially get lost in books on cults and new religious movements, World War I, and vampires.

What does whump mean to you? 

To me, whump is physical, mental, and emotional suffering. What causes that suffering can be any one of a number of things, and any of them might be what fascinates about the story. 

But it's whump when someone hurts.

And how did you find the whump community? What made you want to join?

I had gone through a tumultuous few months in 2019, including being laid off. I was reading and writing in-between frantically applying and interviewing for new jobs, and somewhere in there I stumbled back onto Tumblr after a long… long… hiatus. 

In August of 2019 I did a fanfiction writing challenge and the prompt for day 11 was 'whump'. A friend of mine had to explain to me what the word even meant, which is when I realized there was a whole subgenre dedicated to my favorite thing to write! After that, I started following some blogs with whump in their name and shortly after, took a chance on posting some writing, too. 

2019 you say, and yet I would affectionately swear you’ve been around the whump community forever! Do you think  your view on whump changed since you joined? 

Definitely! I was more timid when it came to what I would or wouldn't write out in detail early on. Eventually I gained confidence and started including things that delved into full horror, where before I wasn't sure how it would be received. 

I think I have come to appreciate a ton of tropes that didn't really speak to me or that I struggled with at first! Finding certain writers that really did a great job with them helped me get over that.

ANd now for the best bit; Let’s talk whump tropes! Do you have a few particular faves?

Noncon and recovery from it - one of my favorite things about whump isn't even the harm but the way a character recovers from it, and noncon can be a violation of physical self, identity, everything. So I enjoy the noncon but also watching someone rebuild themself afterward. 

Trauma recovery - on a related note. Most of my stories really focus heavily not on the worst of times, but in what comes after. How do you find yourself again when everything about you was erased? Or beaten, or broken? Resilience is essential in my work. 

BBU - I started writing at the beginning of the BBU taking off in early 2020 - I think my first Kauri piece was written in January 2020 actually. I love world building and dystopian fiction, so I never stop finding new awful details about the BBU to bring to the light. 

Creepy/intimate whumpers - Whumpers that get under your skin without necessarily treading into noncon territory. Think like @comfy-whumpee's Alistair, a master of overwhelming, awful affection and the power of control. Or @for-the-love-of-angst's Zever, a father-figure to OC Taron turned captor. 

Shades of gray - whumpees who weren't the good guys, but who have been forced to struggle and suffer. I like writing, and reading, imperfect people who are trying to make themselves better than they've been, or bad people who have their reasons who run into someone they can't get away from. 

Hype time! Do you have a few pieces of your favourite work that you’d like to share?

This is so hard! Oh my gosh. I need to think about this. 

Haunted - a Kauri piece. The way this one delves into the emptiness of Kauri from someone else's perspective… there are some metaphors in here I am really proud of. 

Blood, Freely Given - a vampire walks into a hospital. God, I love when I get the chance to work in a more horror-centered space. This one is lyrical and I love it.

I’m Here - a boy remembers everything he was made to forget. This was maybe the most intense thing I've written. It is disjointed and chaotic and I adore it.

Oh my god! I am obsessed with Blood, Given Freely’s vibes! Creepy but somehow tugging at my emotions- damn! Do you have a particular writing routine?

My best writing happens in a coffeeshop with a pastry and a latte on hand! I almost always sit down and put on a playlist based on whichever story, then write out a whole piece on two or three hours. Then I spend a day or two editing and cleaning up, then post. 

I used to try to write once or twice a week. Lately that's fallen off to every other week or even less. Life gets busy! But I still write when the mood strikes me. 

And do you find somethings are easier for you to write than others?

I am so so so bad at writing fight scenes or action. It's like pulling teeth! On the other hand, I am pretty good at dialogue, I think. The different voices of different characters come to me fairly easily. 

Can we get a peek behind the curtains and see what your currently working on?

I am half-heartedly trying to get started on a novel that I keep going back and forth on, involving a man looking for a vampire in 1926 upstate New York. But not for the reasons you think.

Actually, maybe exactly for those reasons.

I am definitely enjoying writing horror more often. My OC Finn Schneider's story is pure nightmare fuel, and I find myself thinking about him a lot. 

Do you have a joke or pun you would like to share to spread some smiles today?

When I was in high school, I decided to start telling bad jokes on purpose, as my "thing". To my credit, I kept it up for years. I had jokes I would tell at every party. They were all terrible.

I was surprised that people kept asking me to tell more.

Now I can't remember any of them. 

I mostly run screaming from puns. They are the real monsters here. 

Haha, puns seem to be very popular in the whump community, particularly in our urls! Would you care to share some writing advice with our readers?

My best advice has always been and will always be just to write often. Like any muscle, it gets stronger with exercise, like any skill you get better primarily through practice. Even if you doubt yourself, keep writing. You will look back and be shocked at how you improved even without realizing it over time. 

Try to set aside time to write. It doesn't have to be anything in particular, any one story. Write anything at all. 

Shout-out time for some of the wonderful people on here!

Oooooh it would be such a wildly long list. I will try! Okay, here are just a few:

@albino-whumpee who we recently lost created some incredible whump art from a very personal place. I miss them. 

@wildfaewhump @comfy-whumpee @whump-tr0pes @hackles-up @card-games-and-pain @whumpiary @sableflynn @redwingedwhump @whump-it @for-the-love-of-angst @boxboysandotherwhump @whumptywhumpdump @winedark-whump @justplainwhump @just-horrible-things … gosh there are so many!

Finally, is there anything you'd like to add?

The whump community has been an incredible place to make my writing "home". I've met some pretty amazing people on this hellsite! May we all continue to enjoy the suffering of our silly little guys here together! 

Thank you for joining us, Ash. It was an absolute pleasure to have you on the show! 

And to all you fabulous folk at home, have a whump-derful day!

[fumiko-matsubara]

Meet the Blog owner: Fumiko!

~~~ ☆◇ RULES | MASTERLISTS ◇☆ ~~~

AssClass facts about me:

🌟 Back in 2014, I went to a national journalism competition as an editorial cartoonist and instantly became friends with two competitors from another school. They're fans of animanga just as I was and they were the ones who recommended me the Assclass manga.

🌟 When I was 15, I used to be on deviantart drawing and posting fake screenshots of my OC Miki as if she was actually in the anime.

🌟 I actually never liked Karma until in late 2020, where I've made fun of him so much that... I ironically began liking him ever since 🤡

🌟 I used to be an avid HayaChi stan until in early 2019 where I just stopped actively making fanart of them. And now... I just can't enjoy them as a romantic pair anymore (the biggest reason is that my heart aches for Hayami).

🌟 I don't like Seo but at least I can make fun of his annoying ass and not get jumped for it.

🌟 Ren, however? He's got sho0ters, so I've blocked anything that has to do with him because I HATE him with a burning passion.

🌟 I prefer the manga over the anime.

Please note that I can be VERY late when answering asks, especially ones that compel me to either draw something or write a whole essay about it. I'm very incapable of being spontaneous with my posts 😭

I'm quite occupied offline, so there are going to be days where it's pure silence on my part.

I'll try my best to be as active as I can!

[isakyakihasmyheart]

Mind Dump 5 years on...

This is the first time I've logged into this account since 2019(ish) so I'm pretty sure there's going to be no one left here but if you are, Hi! I'm just going to dump this post here because I am a tumblr girl at heart and laying my most deepest thoughts to strangers on the internet is all I've ever known...

After the recent news of the death of Liam Payne 2 days ago I've been thinking about this website non-stop. Like many people, this news hit me so unexpectedly emotionally. Grieving someone I never knew, but also grieving a time in my life I can never ever experience again.

My life has changed so much since I last logged into this account, and yet so little at the same time. I started this account in early 2017 after I got into SKAM back in 2016, abandoning a previous Dan and Phil centred account I had from 2014. I was still in school, the last season of SKAM lining up with my own life of leaving school and starting university. I remember thinking that was so cool, watching these characters I grew to adore also experiencing their last year alongside me. I started university in late 2018, studying to become a nurse but yet never got over SKAM. Instead, I became obsessed DRUCK and connected to Matteo in a way I haven't ever experienced with another fictional character since (the only close match being Connell from Normal People in that one uni scene iykyk). However, I ultimately ended up abandoning this account in 2019.

I don't actually know why I stopped coming on this website. Because since I was 14 this website was all I could ever think about. Me and best friend in 2014 were absolutely obsessed with tubmlr. We would literally spend hours on this website reblogging the most random things, and things that at that point in our lives meant so much to us. And with this recent news, I've felt this strong tsunami of nostalgia for that period of my life.

I was never a 1D blog, but I loved 1D. Not very openly as I had older sisters who made fun of me for it. I squashed any outwardly expression of my love for them to avoid this at all costs. A major cost being turning down to go and see them in concert in 2014/2015 when my friend (mentioned above) had an extra ticket. I think about that often and regret it every time. When covid came around and we were in lockdown I was in the mid/end of my 2nd year of uni, 20 years of age. I know a lot of people talk of how they regressed back to their younger passions, and so did I. I had the full 1D experience I never let myself have, not caring about others' opinions on it (mainly my older sister). I listened to their music nonstop every single day, watching so many edits and even reading fan fics. I truly felt like I was 14 again. But there was always that voice in the back of my head saying, "you're too late, it's not the same, you've missed out on it all." I yearned with everything in me to be that teenage girl again. It was during this period in 2020 that my family relationships also became very volatile and dysfunctional, meaning 1D became an even bigger safe space for me.

I've always been a nostalgic person in the worst way possible. I can't help but let the regrets of things I never did consume me. The thoughts of how different my life could be, how different I could be, it always plagues me. I know this sounds dramatic because I'm talking about a 2010s boyband, believe me I know it does.

But I was 14 when my life started to go to shit, when my mental health first started to decline and truthfully it has never recovered. Maybe because in the back of my mind, I always felt like that 14 year old girl, scared and alone and hurting so bad with no one to help her. And the unbelievable shocking news of Liam Payne dying, it's just transporting me back to that period of my life. Even more so as I lost my dad very unexpectedly and traumaticly in March this year.

I just feel so full of grief for so many things all at once, all separate yet all so intertwined. I would truly give anything and everything I have to just relive being that teenage girl, even the unspeakable bad parts. And it makes me so angry to know I can't. And of course, I can't, because that's not how time works! Yet it feels like I can't breathe when I come to that realisation. In all its dramatic flare, it genuinely feels like it's killing me that I can't ever experience that life again.

All in all, I'll never truly forget this website. Especially not this account, I loved this account! Maybe this is just the part of growing up I'm currently struggling with. I'm 24 now, which in itself is scary because no matter what I am and always will be that 14 year old girl.

Girlhood is forever and always xx

[moth-tunes]

Everything But The Girl- Walking Wounded review

Surprise surprise i follow up a Billie Eilish review with an album you've likely never heard of. Told you.

Meet Everything But The Girl, made up of Ben Watt and Tracey Thorn. They were a staple of 80s and 90s indie pop in Britain who never really did much here stateside until the late 90s. In 1995 they charted here with their hit "Missing," specifically a remix by Todd Terry, reaching number 2 on the Billboard charts here in the US.

Before this song, they were in a genre called "sophisti-pop," which quite frankly I am under-qualified to discuss and I encourage you if this album and songs and band sound interesting to you to explore on your own. I definitely plan to at some point.

Anyways, back to the 90s. Imagine you are EBTG. This is a band who was on the margins on the pop charts in Britain for more than a decade at that point. Suddenly you get a pop success off the coattails of a triphop remix of one of your acoustic songs off your 8th album. What would you follow up that album with?

If you said "with an electronic album," you were thinking just like they were. In 1996 they followed up their smash hit single with their first album departure from the more sophisti-pop style of their 80s and early 90s work to embrace the electronic scene of the time in Britain. This takes influence mostly from the trip hop and drum and bass scene.

This is where I enter the picture. For reasons I won't discuss, I've been trying to listen to more electronic music lately. Especially songs with a drum and bass or jungle vibe to them. I have a long history with electronic music, going back to the early 2010s with my interest in electronica, chiptune and dubstep music. But lately, since the turn of the 2020s, I've become more and more interested in late 90s early 2000s techno, jungle and drum and bass music. Or anything that would be classified as "Y2k" these days. Which this album definitely qualifies as.

Yesterday, I found this album at a Half Price Books while out with my girlfriend. I had known who they were before, but hadn't actually sat down to listen to a full album of theirs. And I'm definitely happy that I did. It's the kind of lowkey late 90s vibe that I am looking for right now.

Unlike the Billie review, I won't be dishing out the fawning praise that that album got. This album doesn't have the immediate punch you in the face quality to how good it is. And it's in a genre I'm not super familiar with. It's not a sweeping folk song nor is it a banger indie rock song, so I am a bit out of my depth. However, this album did really impress me and it felt like a natural album to give the spotlight on this blog.

I will say that it is a bit back loaded? The first half of this album kind of didn't really grab me, but the second half was really my style. And the first half is where the two big "hits" off that album are. Maybe my perspective on the album will change. Who knows? Here's my favorite song off the album:

This review feels a lot different than the last one. The Billie review came out of a need for me to unload about an album I thought was really good, but this review comes out more out of respect for this album and the artists behind it. I imagine this album isn't for everyone who follows this blog and reads this post, but I'm sure if you search their discography you might be able to find an album or song that does!

I'm still trying to figure out what I'm doing with this blog, so I'll be using it for a variety of purposes as I figure out a groove here. Hope you enjoy what's to come, whatever that is. And give Everything But The Girl an explore, if you'd like!