#this post ran away from me somewhat rip

[scarlettjemily]

Mine - (Latch Chapter 2)

Latch - Chapter 1

Pairing: Emily Prentiss/Jennifer "JJ" Jareau

Summary: Set 5 years after their wedding. JJ gets injured in the field, causing both women to reminisce about how their relationship began.

Word Count: 3.3k

Posted on Ao3 as well

Emily practically ran to the ambulance when she heard JJ had been injured while the team was entering an unsubs house. She weaved through all the people, biting her tongue in the process; she wanted to snap at all these people to get the fuck out of her way, but she was still the unit chief of the BAU and had a level of professionalism to adhere to. “Jennifer? Jen, oh shit baby,” her professionalism flew out the window when she saw her wife with blood dripping down her face.

“Emily I’m fine; it’s not as bad as it looks,” JJ reassured, trying to stop Emily from overreacting. Although she knew that was just wasted energy, “Em, stop,” she huffed, gently pushing her wife’s hands away.

Emily was right in JJ’s face, trying to get a closer look at the cut on her forehead. “Did you do a concussion assessment? JJ, look at me, do you feel nauseous?” She completely ignored JJ’s objections. Her mind was solely focused on making sure JJ was okay. “We’re going to the hospital now; let’s go,” she went to climb into the ambulance, but JJ grabbed her arm, pulling her back down.

“Jesus Emily, I don’t need to go to the hospital. It’s just a cut; please stop making a fuss." JJ stood up, resting her hands on Emily’s shoulders. “I’ll just go home and rest; you know you can’t just leave yet. Go complete your chief duties, then come home.”

“Like hell, that’s happening!” Emily snapped; she grabbed JJ’s hand tightly and pulled her to the SUV. “Get in; we are going straight home. If you don’t want to go to the hospital, then I’m not letting you out of my sight,” she ripped off her FBI vest and threw it into the back seat before hopping into the driver's seat.

JJ huffed and threw her vest into the back with Emily’s. "Fine,” she grumbled, getting in the passenger seat. She knew there was no point arguing now; when Emily got into this mood, there was no stopping her. JJ sighed and let herself rest back into her chair, using the lever on the side to recline back slightly.

“Are you okay, baby? Are you feeling sick?” Emily said, in a softer voice than before. Her worry becoming more evident now that she’d calmed down.

JJ gave her a small reassuring smile, reaching over the center console and placing her hand on Emily’s thigh, giving it a squeeze. “I promise you I’m okay; it hurts, but I definitely don’t have a concussion. I wouldn’t lie to you about it, darling; I know how protective you are,” she remarked.

Emily let one of her hands fall away from the steering wheel so she could hold her wife’s hand. “A switch just flicks in me when you’re hurt; I can’t help it,” she replied, knowing full well she overreacted in the moment.

“I know exactly what you mean; don’t you remember how I was? Even before we were dating? That one case where you ran in guns fucking blazing and ended up getting caught,” she said, shaking her head at the memory.

Emily snickered, remembering how angry JJ was at her for running onto the scene without thinking. “If I remember correctly, me doing that kind of kick started our relationship, so maybe you should actually be thanking me,” she joked, the mood shifting now that the worry had somewhat dissipated.

“Emily! Get back here!” Rossi screamed, but there was no stopping her. She’d heard a woman’s voice screaming for help, and she couldn’t ignore it. With her gun raised, she kicked the door down and entered the house.

“What is she doing?!” JJ yelled, running up next to Rossi. “I’m going with her,” she insisted, about to run towards the house, but Rossi gripped her arm tightly, yanking her backwards.

“No way, you’re not going in there as well. We have no idea if he’s armed. Let’s wait until we hear from Emily,” Rossi commanded, taking charge of the situation.

JJ went to protest but got interrupted by a woman running out of the house. She expected to see Emily following behind her, but as the seconds passed, she was nowhere to be seen. JJ asked the woman what happened, trying to gauge if Emily was okay. “He’s got her; she told him to let me go, that he could have her instead,” she hysterically cried. “He’s crazy, he’s fucking crazy,” she kept repeating over and over. There was no use talking to her anymore; she was completely traumatised.

JJ kept pacing back and forth, every horrible scenario flashing through her mind. She involuntarily ran through every possibility of losing her best friend, and she was getting closer to completely losing it. “I can’t sit back and wait any longer, Dave; who knows what he’s doing to her in there?” she begged, her arm motioning to the house.

“Hey, I know you’re freaking out; she’s my teammate too,” Rossi said, trying to reason with her.

“She’s not just my teammate! She’s my…“ She trailed off. What was she? Her best friend? Her person? She didn’t know; all she knew was that if she lost Emily, she wouldn’t be able to cope with that.

“I know JJ, I know, you don’t need to say it,” he said quietly, like he was trying to say it so only JJ could hear him.

Everyone stopped when they heard 3 quick gunshots sound off from inside the house. Dave practically pushed JJ forward, both of them launching into a full sprint towards the entrance.

JJ held her gun up, moving quickly through the hallway. “Emily?! Emily, where are you?!” She yelled out. She walked into an open lounge, seeing a pool of blood. Emily was lying right in the middle of it, the unsub directly on top of her. They both weren’t moving. JJ’s heart pounded in her throat, a sob finding its way out. “No, Emily, no, no, no,” she sheathed her gun and dropped to her knees. She used all her strength to flip the unsub off of Emily, revealing gunshot wounds to his abdomen. There was too much blood; she couldn’t count how many times he’d been shot. She ignored her FBI duties and didn’t care to check his pulse; right now she only cared about Emily. Emily was covered in blood. JJ cried out, trying to find where the bullet had entered so she could apply pressure.

“JJ, I’m okay." Emily croaked out, "It's not my blood; it’s not my blood; it’s not my blood," she repeated multiple times because JJ wouldn’t stop crying. She got the wind completely knocked out of her when the unsub fell on top of her. They’d gotten into a physical fight; it was a complete blur. She just remembers seeing a knife, and the next moment she was firing.

JJ kept pressing her hands all over Emily’s stomach, frantically trying to find an open wound. She just couldn’t comprehend what Emily was saying to her.

“JJ stop! I’m okay, I’m not hurt, it’s not my blood,” Emily snapped, trying to get her attention. She sat up, gripped JJ's wrists, and tried to keep them still, not needing to put up too much of a fight now that she’d caught her breath. “Look at me, it’s not my blood,” she said again, this time slower, looking directly into JJ's eyes.

JJ stopped fighting and stared down at Emily; her cries kicked up a notch, but this time she fell into Emily, just needing to feel her in her arms. “I thought you were dead. I really, really thought you were dead,” she choked through hysterical sobs.

Emily held JJ in a tight hug, her arms locking around her waist. “I’m okay,” she huffed out, JJ's tight grip on her partially restricting her air flow.

“I can’t ever lose you, Emily,” JJ whispered into Emily’s ear. She didn’t care if anyone heard her; all her fear and doubt about her feelings disappeared in the moment. “I love you, Emily; I thought I lost you without telling you that I love you,” she confessed.

"Oh, darling, I know,” Emily consoled the younger woman, still holding her tightly. “I love you too, Jayje; god, I love you so much.” She couldn’t let go of JJ; she didn’t want to, not after they both just confessed their feelings. She truly had no idea if it would go anywhere, but she was so relieved she could finally get that off her chest.

"Hey,” Emily smiled, sitting down in the seat next to JJ. They were all on the jet, heading back home after the whole ordeal. JJ separated herself from the team in the furthest corner seat. Emily left her for a while, wanting to respect her choice of being alone, but their mutual confession was eating her alive.

"Hey,” JJ replied, tensing slightly. Her mind was overwhelmed, and when she looked at Emily, all she could think about was her lying in a pool of blood.

“Do you mind if I sit here with you?” She asked, always wanting to respect JJ’s choices.

JJ chuckled at the question; she was amused by it because there will never be a time where JJ would ever say no to having Emily sit beside her. "No, I don’t mind at all,” she replied, sitting up and turning her body so she was facing the woman next to her.

“I think we should talk about today,” Emily said, also turning slightly in her seat to face JJ. “A lot happened,” she continued.

“If you ever run into an unsubs house like that again, Emily, I’ll kill you myself,” JJ promised. She was mad about the way Emily handled it; her mind kept going back to the moment where she truly thought Emily was dead. “That was so stupid; you could’ve been killed,” she scolded the older woman.

Emily let out a guilt-stricken sigh; she wasn’t thinking at the time. “I’m sorry, I truly wasn’t thinking; I just acted. I had no idea it would turn out the way that it did, and I had no clue it would affect you this badly,” she ran her fingers through her hair, a nervous habit coming out subconsciously.

JJ looked at her with a screwed-up face. “Seriously, Emily? Of course it would affect me this badly! You’re telling me you wouldn’t be affected if roles were reversed and you thought I had died?” She demanded. Her body temperature was rising now; how could Emily be so clueless? Even if she didn’t know exactly how JJ felt, she still knew how important she was to her.

"No, of course I’d be affected, Jesus JJ. I don’t even know what I’d do if I’d lost you,” she stated, looking straight at her. “You’ve got to understand; I had no idea how you felt about me until today. I mean, I still don’t quite know,” she was hoping they could clarify a few things now.

“I told you I love you; what don’t you get about that?” JJ asked as if the answer was so obvious.

Emily rolled her eyes. “It’s not that simple, JJ. Do you love me as a friend? Or something more? Because when I said I loved you, I sure as hell didn’t mean as a friend,” she was working hard to hide the fear she was feeling; she didn’t know where this would go.

“Are you dense? Of course something more." JJ said quietly, moving in her chair so she was closer to Emily so only she could hear what she had to say. “I want you; I love you. When I saw you lying there in a pool of blood, I thought I’d lost you, and it made me realise that I need you, Emily; I need you to be mine.” She laid it all out on the table; she couldn’t get any clearer than what she was being.

Emily breathed out a quick ‘oh’ under her breath, more to herself than to JJ. Her mind was racing, and she had to cover her mouth; she didn’t want her face-eating grin to be so obvious. "JJ, are you sure? Because I’m not playing, I don’t think you understand how much you truly mean to me,” she admitted, needing clarification for the umpteenth time.

JJ rolled her eyes, grabbing Emily’s hand. “Emily Prentiss, I understand because I feel the exact same way.” She was begging Emily to believe her. “You have to trust me; please let me prove it to you.”

Emily squeezed JJ’s hand tightly, nodding her head. “Okay, okay, I trust you.”

"Jen, babe, do you want to rest on the couch or in the bedroom?” Emily asked, walking into the bathroom. JJ was standing in a towel in front of the mirror, brushing her freshly washed hair.

"Couch, please,” she replied, giving Emily a tired smile.

Emily still had residual worries from earlier in the day. “Are you sure you’re okay?” She questioned, walking over to JJ and instinctively going to check her head wound. “I have to admit, it doesn’t look as bad now that it’s clean,” she admitted, knowing she was slightly dramatic in the moment.

JJ chuckled, resting her cheek into Emily’s palm, which rested on her cheek. “I told you I was fine,” she teased, turning her head to plant a kiss on Emily’s palm. “Can you pick me out something comfy to wear, please?” She pleaded, with a pout she was working hard to put on.

Emily laughed and squeezed JJ’s cheeks with her hand, placing a quick kiss on her lips. “I already laid out an outfit for you, baby; come on,” she said, heading back out to their room so JJ could get dressed.

Both women were on the couch in their lounge. Emily was sitting surrounded by a bunch of paperwork and files. She was trying to complete the work she would’ve done after the case had wrapped, but of course she’d decided to stay with her wife. JJ was lying next to Emily, her feet tucked under Emily’s thigh. It was her favourite way to warm her feet up; it was also something she quite often did solely for comfort.

“Oh my god, JJ,” Emily said, holding up a piece of paperwork she was filling out.

JJ noticed the tone of voice and looked up at Emily, confused. “What? What’s wrong?” She asked, propping herself up on her elbows. Emily handed her the paper, telling her to look at the date. “Wait, that’s not today’s date, is it?” Emily chuckled and confirmed that it was. “Emily, we both forgot our anniversary?” She said, genuinely surprised that it had both slipped their minds. “And it’s our fifth anniversary too! Noo, I’m actually so sad about this,” she sighed, throwing the file down on the coffee table.

“Hey, no, come here." Emily cooed, pulling JJ by the hand. Her other half crawled over and straddled her lap, a sad look still occupying her face. “It was a mistake; we’ve both been super busy with this case; it doesn’t mean anything more than that." Emily tried to console JJ; she could already predict the thoughts that would be swirling through her mind. JJ tried to protest, but Emily stopped her. “Ah, no. I know exactly what you’re thinking, and it’s not true. It doesn’t mean we love each other any less or we are falling out of love. Shit honey, I love you more today than I did yesterday,” she declared, cupping JJ’s face.

“I just don’t want us to become one of those couples who don’t care about that kind of thing anymore; we get so used to being with each other that every day is the same until we eventually fall out of love with each other,” JJ had to admit. She was worried and slightly insecure; that’s exactly how her last marriage ended. Every day, exactly the same until they agreed they no longer loved each other anymore. She was terrified that that was going to happen to her and Emily; that would definitely kill her.

Emily pulled JJ closer to her body, the blonde hugging her tightly. She patted the back of JJ’s thighs. “Oh Jayje, I know you’re worrying about it, but you don’t need to; you’re stuck with me, my love. For the rest of our lives, okay?”

JJ let out a comforted sigh. She loved being reminded by her wife how much she loved her “promise?” She asked, seeking clarification again.

“What was it you told me all those years ago? You have to trust me; let me prove it to you.” Emily quoted JJ’s words from all those years ago; it was something she’d never forget.

"Okay, can I look now?” JJ asked, her hands covering her eyes. Emily was behind her, hands on her hips, guiding her where to walk.

Emily stopped JJ right at the entrance of their bedroom. She’d spent the last hour or so throwing something together so they could celebrate their anniversary. She wanted JJ to know that their relationship was still strong, regardless of whether or not they forgot their anniversary. “Okay, open your eyes,” she instructed, coming to stand next to JJ in the doorway. Her arm resting loosely around JJ's waist.

“It’s perfect, Emily; it’s so perfect,” she gushed, admiring their newly decorated bedroom. There were candles peppered all over the entire room, softly illuminating the space. She could see their favourite takeaway food, laid out on plates, set up on their bed. JJ smiled seeing their favourite comfort show already playing on the TV.

"Look, it’s nothing like what we usually do, but I think it’s not bad considering what I was working with,” Emily admitted sheepishly, moving to sit on the bed, guiding JJ over by her hand.

"Gosh, I’m so lucky I have you." JJ gushed, climbing up on the bed and moving to sit in between Emily’s legs; the positioning was now a subconscious decision between the two.

The woman sat there together, Emily’s arms around JJ's waist, JJ feeding the both of them an assortment of food. They were happy and content, not needing anything fancy to enjoy the love they shared for one another.

“You promise we will be together forever?” JJ whispered.

They were both lying under the covers, facing each other, their bodies and limbs tangled together in a position that could’ve resembled a pretzel. The room was dark, but they could just see each other’s faces; the candles had almost all burned out by now.

“I promise my love, there’s nothing in this world that could ever make me fall out of love with you,” Emily proclaimed. Her hand tucked some stray hair behind her wife’s ear; she couldn’t help running her thumb over JJ's bottom lip. She tended to do that innately, whenever she was admiring the features of her face. She understood why JJ may be worried; her history with her ex-husband could easily explain her insecurities.

“I don’t ever want to lose you,” JJ almost pleaded, her eyes getting hot as her anxiety level rose internally.

Emily shook her head, her hand finding its way into JJ's hair, pulling her head closer so she could plant a kiss on her wife’s forehead. “I’m yours, forever,” she mumbled against the warm skin, being careful of the cut on her head.

JJ smiled when she heard that. “Mine,” she replied, pressing her lips to Emily’s. Her hand slipping under the hem of Emily’s shirt, the warmth of her skin helping JJ ground herself in the moment.

Emily groaned when JJ began to kiss down her jawline, making a path to her ear. "Fuck,” she whispered when JJ bit her earlobe, all while repeating 'mine’ over and over. "Yours,” she breathed out, shivers running through her body. She could just feel how much JJ loved her in this moment.

"Mine,” JJ said once more, finding Emily's lips, kissing her deeply; any worries she’d had were washed away almost instantly.

[team-heavenly]

Drumroll‚ please! 🥁

It’s been some time, and I managed to slip on my promised deadline once again (thank you for your patience)... But finally‚ we return to the story of Teresa and Andrea in our Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Sky Randomizer!

A few items of note before we get started (and yeah sorry this is overly detailed and lengthy because idk what it means to be concise, just scroll down if you're not interested):

Please be aware: updates to Team Heavenly’s story will not be as frequent as they were during main. I now work a full-time job in a field where my schedule is somewhat contingent on unanticipated emergencies. And in general‚ I’m just a very busy adult! So I unfortunately can’t give you an exact (or even rough) timeline of when posts will be released— It basically comes down to whenever I have the time to do it. But rest assured‚ the entirety of this tale will be told… eventually!

I’ve gotten my hands on a newer tablet since last year, so my camera quality is much better now! …However. While snapping pics for this post‚ a seemingly unavoidable digital blue glare persisted‚ no matter how I adjusted my screen brightness. When I subsequently ran these photos through the auto function‚ they didn’t really… improve? So I had to do a lot of manual tweaking… Anyway‚ all of that to say if one shot doesn’t look visually consistent with another, it’s because each image got edited a little bit differently.

I will link multiple posts for a single "chapter" (see last bullet) in the same manner as before, with preceding and succeeding parts linked at the beginning and end, respectively. I’ll also update the table of contents in the pinned post for continued ease of navigation.

Also, please note... last year, my older iPad somehow managed to circumvent any sort of (consistent) image limit. But that is not the case this time! There is a strict hard limit of 30 images per post. It's therefore likely that post-game chapters will have more parts than the main-story chapters ever did. (Though whether that actually equates to a "lengthier" chapter is up for debate.)

As the post-game content does not get separated into official chapters‚ I will be partitioning the story based on subject matter! For example, this first act will focus on the guild’s graduation exam, the next will include Sky Peak, and so on. I also intend to use a random number generator to select chapter names from this list. (I mean, c’mon, that's part of the fun of a randomizer!) But for the sake of clarity, I will be including the actual subject matter after the chosen title in (parentheses). Thus‚ this first unofficial post-game chapter is known as…

Chapter 21: Would you like to eat moss?

(AKA: The Guild’s Graduation Exam)

As a result of Teresa and Andrea’s heroic actions… The destruction of time was stopped and peace returned to the world of Pokémon. They went back to Totodile’s Guild and fell back into their daily routine of vigorous training.

One morning‚ several months later…

Pineco: “:/ Hey hey, why can Teresa and Andrea take the graduation exam before we do? We’ve been around a lot longer…”

Tropius: “…They literally saved the world and have proven themselves to be worthy many times over. Also skill issue lol.”

Don’t feel bad for Pineco though; he’s not the only one getting roasted.

Lol rip.

Anyway‚ Andrea asks the very sensible question of what exactly this exam entails…

Dark Chasm? Evil MANSION?!

Are you— are you sending us back to the future‚ Totodile?! WTF??

Oh! That’s easy enough though. I mean‚ compared to scaling a collapsing tower while Time itself crumbled at our feet? Pshaw! This will be a cakewalk!

...You know, this is really the first thing that should have tipped me off as a kid 🤦‍♀️

🤨 How convenient.

Okay, so he's not gonna be any help, unfortunately. Looks like we're going in blind. (Haha unintentional pun...unless?)

But for real, anything that makes Mewtwo cry out in fear and run away is a force to be reckoned with indeed.

As we enter Nautical Cottage to begin our preparations, we run into our stand-ins for Teddiursa and Ursaring! After a quick chat, Horsea reveals they are also headed to the Dark Chasm...

*seen (sorry).

Also, at the risk of beating a dead Horsea (aHA! TWO FOR TWO ON THE PUNS!), y'all go play WHERE? *gets hit immediately by a Snipe Shot*

Andrea immediately suspects something is sus. Unfortunately, this is the smartest she's ever gonna get about it.

Anyway, it's been a hot minute, so I go to check my storage and evaluate what I have to work with...

BRUH?? I do NOT remember picking this up omg 😳

So my plan is to equip this for the exam, right? But then I totally forgot to do that 😅

Also I don't have a picture for this but I was able to buy 3 Poké from the Finnkecleon shop for free lol

✅Mission: set ✅Destination: arrived ✅Chance of success: 💯😎🎆

Oh my god, this really is the future of darkness!! I guess our efforts to save the world weren't enough, damn 😓

🎶I'm starting with the man in the mirror I'm asking him to change his ways🎶

A couple of Gummis later, Teresa learns the Lava Evader IQ Skill! Neat!

Me when Ivysaur used Fly:

Believe it or not, this actually almost killed Andrea at 96 damage. But the stairs were nearby and I wasn't too worried about it until...

Go figure, amirite?

Then Andrea reminded me of the awesome power of Blizzard and we knocked out everyone except Combusken and the Kabuto on the first turn <3 And she got right back up again in no time with the Fast Healer skill!

Does anyone remember that one time when I had the foolish idea to forget Quick Attack in favor of Helping Hand? Yeah, not one of my smartest moves. But I managed to find a TM in this dungeon that does the same thing as Quick Attack but better!

Here's the info for Quick Attack:

And here's the info for Mach Punch:

Higher power and hit ratio? Yes please! (Yes, I'm aware both are only one star stronger. But hey, every bit counts.)

I teeechnically have enough room for three more images, but this feels like a natural transition point so click here to advance to Part 2!

[aei9athy]

Aeternum vale

| navigation | a/n: saw a prompt like this on twitter and I love angst so I created this. First time posting on here so please be kind ❤️ | warnings: angst, slight and I mean a sliver of alcoholism, non canonical character death | cross posted on ao3 | tags 🏷️ : @thethreeeyed-raven |

June 13th 2014

It’s been a year since Ada left him, again. It was something Leon had become somewhat numb too. Her being there with him was never in the cards. He tries and tries and tries and somehow fate somehow separates them. He wished he had taken Helena’s advice and had gone after her, he wished he could have held her or kissed her before she ran away again. He felt like a damn fool. She could be dead for all he knows, rotting in the ground or maybe scattered ashes. No. Fate wasn’t kind enough for that, knowing their luck she would be made into a BOW, ready to be sold to the first greedy bastard who laid eyes on her.

Leon shakes his head. No, she’s too strong to die, to be turned into one of those things. His foot bounces on the ground. Why was he so tense all of a sudden? He knows she’s capable of living alone so why was he so worried? Maybe it’s time for a call, it wouldn’t hurt right?

He takes his phone from his pocket and slowly dials the number but for some reason cannot press the call button. She doesn’t need him anymore, just like always she’ll come when or if she needs something. However those words that Helena said are still gnawing at the back of his mind. “She’s more than just a friend isn’t she?” Those words are on a deafening loop in his mind 24/7. Were they ever really friends? He could never think of a word to describe their relationship but that’s how he liked it. Putting the phone back in his pocket he decided to wait, she’d call when she’s ready.

That call never came. A week went by, nothing. A week turned to a month to somehow a whole year. He tried shaking off the ominous feeling he felt in his chest every time he looked at the makeup compact on his dresser. It was fine though, once it was a six year gap! Leon had said to himself at least a dozen times each day to keep himself sane.

At long last on June 13th 2015 he called her.

“Unfortunately I’m unavailable at the moment please leave a message!”

It was her voice! It took Leon a few seconds to realise it was a pre recorded message. Quickly he spoke, stumbling over his own words. “Hey Ada! It’s been a while huh? Listen I know you’re probably really busy but I’d like to see you again or even just a call. I need to know you’re alive, talk later…Hun.” The last word hurt more to say than he thought. It was a nickname the two had grown accustomed to throughout the years.

Once again he was waiting and waiting until a month later his mobile rang in his back pocket. “Ada! Are you there? I’ve missed you so much, please tell me you’re alright.” His words come out liked alphabet spaghetti but instead of his lovers voice there was a deeper voice, one Leon could not recognise. “You must be mr Leon Kennedy? I’m sorry but Miss Wong has been dead for over a year now. She died on June 13th 2014.” Before Leon could even comprehend what had been said to him the phone went dead and only the beeping of the hung up phone could be heard.

Time stopped, grief swallowed him up more than any BOW had done before. A hot white pain stung in his chest, it was like his heart had been ripped out and stitched back in by a butcher. However tears did not come, he just sat there, looking at that damned makeup compact. He would never be able to give it back to her. He would never see her again. Helena was right he should have gone to her, he should’ve kissed her and told her how much he loved her and…!

His brain stopped processing, overheating from the guilt and regret of never being able to tell her how he really felt.

“I love you.”

A single tear fell down his cheek.

Months go by and guilt is still lingering over him. His nightmares become worse and so does his drinking. Everyday he would call her number, hear her voice on the answer machine and then whisper sweet nothings into the phone.

He was sent the address of the place where she was buried. She wanted to be cremated. Even in death she never got what she wanted. He decided to see her, take the compact and try to find some sort of solace or peace from this overwhelming regret.

There it was, alone just like she was. Beautiful, just like she was. The compact was tight in his hand, he also decided to bring along the teddy keychain she had given him a decade ago.

“Hey Ada.”

He says nothing and places the compact on the headstone. Somehow he felt lighter, no words needed. He sits there reminiscing for hours but still says nothing. Finally he gets up and whispers one thing to the grave and leaves.

“I love you.”

[azazraelz]

Lucky Number Seven

Wooo first post! Anyways, I couldn’t find any fan fiction of Ghost x male reader that appealed to what I wanted and were long enough, so I’m making my own. Your name that your character goes by at first is Angel, you will find out why later in the story. This will be an ongoing fic so I’ll update as often as I can. This is an informational post as well as the start to the story. You join task force 141 at the beginning of the campaign. You are a special operations soldier from the marines, trained in hand to hand combat as a teen. This isn’t going to follow the story of the campaign though, rather some side missions and stories that aren’t in the game. People just call you Seven (that’s your code name). Every chapter will have a trigger warning pertaining to what shows, whether it be violence, cursing, anything along those lines. Darker topics will be in red. This is for male/masc readers only so please so she/her or she/theys interact with this. So anyways, on with the fic!!

TW: death, cursing, somewhat extreme(?) violence, suicide (not super detailed but still there)

Part 1

Always simple, stupid, too naive, that’s what they always said. My lack of street smarts always causes trouble for my adoptive family, yet they still love me. Though I don’t think this time they’re going to forgive my mistakes. I should have known to stay away from those men, the biggest gang in my small town of mostly Hispanic families, but I didn’t. I couldn’t tell! They were so kind, took me in and said they would protect me, for a cost. I said I couldn’t pay it and thanked them for the offer. They didn’t take it lightly.

The blood, there was so much blood. I never knew how much of it there was in his body. I didn’t realize how fast it flows, how hard it is to stop it once it starts to come out of places it shouldn’t. When he told me to come to his side, I didn’t know that would be where he says his last words. My brother, my favorite person, he died in my arms while telling ME everything is ok. I couldn’t do anything to stop it, the gunfire wouldn’t cease and I had no escape. I tried pulling him to safety before he passed, but was yanked away from him before I could start dragging him. The military. I screamed, cried, tried to pull away, anything to get back to my brothers body, I couldn’t just leave him there. Well they had other plans.

When I was finally safe, I couldn’t bring myself to return to my family. So I ran away. Spent my days hiding and keeping active, only traveling at night. Something changed in me that night, for the better. I became wiser, grew the fuck up and acted my age instead of the sheltered child I was. I turned to parties for entertainment and social time during the night, and eventually found an off the books job at the ripe age of 17. Then that’s when I met him, a marines recruiter. He told me to come to him when I’m 18 if I’m interested in joining, and that’s exactly what I did. My name is Angel, no longer is it y/n. I don my mask to hide my identity, and I put up my walls. Cliche? Maybe, but I refuse to let myself get close to anyone, because eventually they will die, and they will not be my problem.

“Angel…Soap, keep your head in the game, this is a capture or kill. We need Almagro alive for questioning but his gang will do anything for him, they will aim to kill. You have kill rights if need be, but avoid it if possible, now move.” Ghost’s commanding voice rips through the silence of the aircraft carrying the three men towards their destination, only stopping to let them out before taking off. The cover of night and the fog keep the aircraft out of sight, for now, but there’s no telling if that will be the case if they need air support. Angel follows behind Soap and Ghost, watching behind them through the thick fog to make sure no one sneaks up on them, only turning his attention away when his shoulder is grabbed by Soap.

“Be careful, these guys don’t mess around.” His thick accent making him slightly grin under his mask. Angel has been with task force 141 for about a month now and has gotten pretty close with Soap and Price, he even started getting to know Alejandro, bonding over their common knowledge of Spanish. The sound of the door creaking open pulls him away from his thoughts and he pulls his gun back up, being the first one to enter the building. It’s a warehouse but it feels like a maze with how much stuff it has in it.

“Take a look at this, drugs, guns, and money.” Angel points into a small room while whispering. He’s noticing everything is quiet, too quiet. That’s when he finds it. A room with four chairs in a circle facing each other, dripping with coagulated blood. The smell of iron is so strong it stings his eyes. He walks further into the dark room, his boots hitting against something soft on the floor, and when he looks down, his expression softens for only a moment. A body with a piece of paper on it. He looks back to see if Soap or Ghost are there before picking up the note.

“It’s all in Chinese, I don’t speak-“ A sharp pain in his spine causing Angel to let out a cry of pain before he’s yanked by his hair and tossed to the ground. He was kicked in the back by someone much stronger than he. He tries to shoot but the weapon is pulled out of his hands, luckily he took Ghost’s advice and carries multiple knives on him. The assailant gets on top of him, reaching for his throat, but Angel is faster. He grabs a knife and stabs it through the man’s hand before trying to shove him off, the man wailing in pain before walloping punch after punch onto Angel. He does his best to block them but a few connect with his face and ribs. An abrupt searing pain in his upper arm causes him to let out his own scream of pain which finally alerts his teammates. Ghost and Soap rush into the room, Ghost taking the man out with a M9 pistol before the two approach Angel who has sat up, holding his hand to the knife sticking out of his upper arm.

“It’s fine, it’s fine. Let’s just check who that was and get out of here.” Angel says before yanking the knife out to the protests of his two teammates. Soap seems concerned but listens, checking out who the attacker was. Not Almagro. While Soap and Ghost discuss further plans, Angel wraps the wound up with a bandana he had in his pocket before standing up, stumbling. His vision fades out but he doesn’t collapse, he stays standing. Shaking it off, Angel walks with the two, scouring each room until they find who they were searching for, taking him into custody and escorting him back to the plane that brought them here. It’s still awfully quiet, but they aren’t going to complain if things are going right. Angel slowly trudges along, slowly falling behind the two. He’s lost a lot of blood already and is turning pale, but he continues on until they get back. Once they’re in the plane, he sits down and immediately loses consciousness, only rousing to the sound of the plane landing. Surprisingly, Ghost helps Angel up and brings him to the medic, but he doesn’t leave right away. Ghost stays in the doorway, watching, waiting, making sure everything goes right and only leaving when forcibly removed. Angel was too hopped up on painkillers to even notice the worried look in Ghosts eyes as he walked away.

[fanfiction101]

The Craftswoman Jareth x Sarah

Hey guys sorry I haven't posted, but I have been pretty busy. But I got an idea from @kartavmonstr. So a little summary is that Sarah is a craftswoman and she gets the idea to use the junk from the Dump to rebuild and make the Goblin City better.

Sarah was getting bored. How long has it been since Sarah had succumbed to the Goblin King's wishes? Three or four years perhaps? Time was different in the Labyrinth. Sometimes days seemed like minutes and some felt like weeks.

Of course, Jareth tried to be with her as much as possible, which Sarah was always grateful for. She loved spending time with him and spending time with the goblins. However, Jareth was also responsible for running a kingdom and the goblins were just too obnoxious.

She had read every book in the castle and had wandered around the castle and gardens and city a hundred times.

One day, she was going for a walk among the city outskirts. She eventually came across the Dump. It wasn't her favorite part of the world. Filled with useless junk used to deceive the runners of the Labyrinth. It was beginning to pile up.

As she stared out into the horizon of junk, she got an idea. She stepped forward, grabbing a roll of silky, satin cloth. It was a beautiful burgundy color. It was the same color as one of the curtains that had been ripped by a careless goblin in the thrown room. The Material was similar enough.

Sarah smiled happily as she took her newly found project back to the castle. She walked into the lounge and started to rummage around in the drawers and shelves.

"Where is it? I swear I could have seen it somewhere...aha!" She said gasping a small, wooden chest. Inside contained some sewing needles and thread.

With the box and cloth in arms, she walked happily to the throne room.

Inside was the usual chaos. The goblins were constantly trying to get Jareth's attention while he was focused on the current runner. As I entered some goblins looked away from there mess, but with an attention span of a fly, they quickly returned to their shenanigans. but Jareth looked up from his crystal ball.

"Good morning my dear." He said standing up and grabbing her waist.

"Morning love." Sarah said, giving Jareth a kiss on the cheek and turning towards the ripped curtain. She walked over to it and set her supplies down.

"What are you doing?" Jareth inquired.

"Fixing this curtain. It's been bothering me and I'm a bit bored. It kills two birds with one stone." Sarah replied, cutting the fabric.

"Ah, I see. Where did you get the fabric?"

"From the Dump. It's been piling up you know. This was perfectly good cloth, so I took it. I'm planning on making something else out of the rest."

"Whatever makes you happy darling. I have to get back to my Labyrinth. This runner is going to be more difficult than I originally thought. I'll see you at dinner."

"Yes, of course." Sarah said, tying off the last stitch and closing the box, satisfied with her work.

After Sarah put away the supplies, she went out to the city. She walked by a group of young goblin children, causing chaos. They seemed to be fighting over something, bumping into walls and market stalls.

They were throwing some sort of ball in the air until the ball landed at Sarah's feet. She picked up the ball and saw two goblin boys run a her. She held up the ball above there heads while they try to jump to grab the ball.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Sarah said, pushing them down. "Why on earth are you fighting? Can't you see the madness you are creating? Can't you play in a somewhat civilized manner?" Sarah scolded.

"Sorry your majesty, but we are gored out of our wits!" One of the boys complained.

"Hmmmm." Sarah thought. If these kids had something to do, there would be a little less chaos in the city. If only there was a place for them to go. Sarah smiled as she got an idea. "Have an idea but you need to go grab the other kids to help."

The boys ran to get the other kids and Sarah led them to the Dump. "Grab any piece of metal, wood, or cloth that we could use." With materials in hand and various found tools from the Dump, they found a clearing off of the path. That afternoon, Sarah and the city's kids built something that Sarah remembered from the mortal world.

The playground was built with the junk from the Dump, significantly reducing the pile. A large fort was made with a door made of an old curtain. A seesaw from a large, broken pillar with a plank on top of it sat nearby. There was a ladder leading up to a slide made out of metal with a place to put cloth scrapes to ride down it. It wasn't much, but by the time Sarah had to go, the kids seemed happy to play and spend their time there.

As Sarah walked back through the city, many older goblin merchants and goblins thanked her for getting the kids out of the way. As she was about to enter the castle, she saw an older goblin sitting outside of a house that wasn't in the greatest shape. The man looked distressed when Sarah saw that the left side of he house was leaning forward. She ran once again back to the Dump and grabbed an old box that could level out the house for a bit. She ran back to the house and placed the box at the base.

The old goblin bowed and said, "Thank you, your kind majesty."

Sarah rushed into the dining hall, not realizing how dirty she was from the hard work she had been doing throughout the day. She was happy though. She felt like she had done something important.

Jareth looked up from the table and asked, "Woah, what have you been up to?"

Sarah chuckled, "It's a long story. I'll go get washed up."

"I'll wait for you."

Hey guys. This is probably not my best work, but hopefully better fanfics will be out soon. Love you!!

[smoshpunisher]

twin fantasy x ianthony lyric breakdowns

hello! so smosh came back and i cant help but do a lyric breakdowns of my favorite album that reminds me of them. twin fantasy (album link at the end of the post)

My Boy - Twin Fantasy

My boy, we don't see each other much My boy, we don't see each other much It'll take some time But somewhere down the line We won't be alone

this literally shows ian missing anthony after the smosh breakup, but still holding on of that idea of them back together. hence the "but somewhere down the line we wont be alone" he's still CLINGING on that hope for smosh, for his childhood best friend to come back.

the jokes about "where's anthony" from smosh cast, still somewhat depressed that his literal life partner went away and resented ian for it. for staying so positive after his creation of smosh was ripped away from anthony.

sad that anthony completely cut contact from him when he POSSIBLY needed him the most.

Sober to Death

You know that good lives make bad stories You can text me When punching mattresses gets old Don't think it'll always be this way Not comforted by anything I say We were wrecks before we crashed into each other

this specific song is so THEM coded. this is the two years leading up to the breakup and anthony's hatred to defy. ian trying to stay positive, wanting anthony to stay. but anthony had enough with the company and tried convincing ian to leave with him. with "not comforted by anything i say" showing how ian is so stubborn and wont leave smosh with him. with now the friendship they built for YEARS, breaking down because of their work.

with "you know good lives make bad stories" could show how fake their friendship was. that what they had with each other was, or was NEVER real. it was all a brand identity to keep the company happy. they probably didn't consider themselves best friends. never making time for each other outside of SMOSH.

ian and anthony being complete WRECKS because of defy. and now their needs are crashing into each other, and anthony couldn't take it anymore and left.

I wanna hear you going psycho If you're going psycho, I wanna hear

anthony for ONCE just wants ian to open up to him. anthony just wanted to see some vulnerability from ian, but ian is the one clinging to the idea of smosh. and anthony realizing this whole duo was ran with delusions of what they originally had. that he couldn't bare the evolution of smosh, and defy's controlling behavior. he had to LEAVE.

Take your hands off your neck and Hold on to the ghost of my body You know that good lives make bad stories

they're still parading the idea of smosh, and what they had with each other. holding onto the library of content they created, and that to each other it's still possible to create the same magic with each other.

especially "hold onto the ghost body" holding on the old idea or old friendship.

What if it'll always be this way Not comforted by anything you say

the part where the friendship starts to crumble. ian possibly horrified of the idea of running a company alone. created SO MUCH emotional baggage. wanting to fix the friendship after anthony left.

Don't worry, you and me won't be alone no moreDon't worry, you and me won't be alone no more

(this part is better if you listen to this portion of this song)

can we talk about will toledo's song writing? the harsh electric guitar to calm acoustics? showing the LITERAL delusions of forming a good relationship to hold onto?

after anthony left, wanting to let ian know he won't be alone and he will be fine, and ian wanting the same feeling reciprocated to anthony. that they won't be alone, and that their journey's apart will be filled with the people they care about. anthony has his loyal fans and ian has the smosh crew to back him up.

High to Death

And I said hell is the sun Burning forever at the center of things A ball on fire at the center of things

anthony making that HATE letter to ian months after the departure. anthony being all like "ian never had the best interest and only cared about work" and sad that ian never cared about the friendship. (newsflash ian literally cared more than anything)

ian being the sun, he's burning the little left of the friendship. trying to reach out, or saying anthony is always welcomed back. hence "burning forever at the center of things" as he always beaming for anthony to come back. to restore things to the ways before defy completely ruined the friendship.

Used to be so human, now it's just a machine I can't turn this thing off, it keeps following me

anthony during his time with defy felt so dehumanized, knew that the company didn't have it's best intentions. that smosh's past always creeps up when he wants to be his own independent creator. leaving his friend to run a channel all by himself. while ian is running around finding smosh's voice without anthony.

Famous Prophets (Stars)

Apologies to future mes and yous But I can't help feeling like we're through The ripping of the tape hurts my ears In my years, I have never seen anyone quit quite like you do

ian accepting the fact that his friendship and the duo of smosh is over. he officially lost his best friend as he broke contact with him. ian completely LOST it, going to therapy to help cope with everything he lost. his ride home after high school, his creative partner for 11 years, and of COURSE his best friend. (people in smoshcast literally begged him to go since he looked so defeated)

also "in my years, i have never seen anyone quit quite like you do" ian taken back that anthony just went up and left. left to start something new, and he did it in such a breeze.

Did I fail? Did I fall? (In the morning when I wake up, are you mine?) Did I waste my time, waste my time on a broken heart? (Take the trash out like a bad dream, are you gone?) Or is this the start of the great silence?

questioning if this was all his fault, maybe that he wasn't mature enough to understand where anthony is coming from. that maybe him being so emotionally unavailable broke their friendship in half. wondering if anthony will ever come back to smosh, or it's really over.

wondering all that time with anthony was really worth it, but said it himself all the shitty things that defy made them do he wouldn't take it back.

also at the end of the song, there's a poem. just let the poem do the talking.

Love never fails But where there are prophecies, they will cease Where there are tongues, they will be stilled Where there is knowledge, it will pass away For we know in part and we prophesy in part But when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I abandoned my childhood I put these ways behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; Then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known And now these two remain

ian leaving behind his smosh past to rebrand the channel, that maybe his friendship with anthony meant for all of this to happen. ian finally accepted it, he can't keep crumbling over their friendship and has to move on. anthony wanting to be more without smosh, creating his own series which is very successful, but both still accepting the friendship as its once was. that their chapter together was closing, and the both boys will be okay without each other.

they got the closure they needed, they got what they needed to learn from each other. and smosh was just a chapter in their life that was long overdone.

well until.

Twin Fantasy (Those Boys)

I haven't looked at the sun for so long I'd forgotten how much it hurt to

ANTHONY CAME BACK TO THE CHANNEL, AND FORGOT HOW POWERFUL HIS FRIENDSHIP WITH IAN WAS. IT WAS SO POWERFUL IT HURTS HIM. when he came back to smosh, he knew it was meant for ian and anthony to be together. it wasn't nostalgia that kept wanting to come back, it was the fact him and his best friend created skits with each other and it made him laugh. made him SO happy, and wanted to be back with ian.

They just want to be one Walk off into the sun They're not kissing They're not fucking They're just having fun

the two boys don't need to be kissing or fucking to show their love for each other. their chemistry is so strong, their friendship can NEVER break. they're just being one. no need of defy or identity of their own. they are just ONE, they're SMOSH. like how it should always been.

They were connected At the back of the head They had a conduit Their minds were the same

they're always connect, as ian let him go, anthony came back and proved they're meant for each other.

[7grandmel]

Todays rip: 12/09/2023

Blue Mareep

Season 6 Featured on: SiIvaGunner's Highest Quality Rips: Volume FF

Ripped by Heboyi

I've been really excited to get to this post, because I only just recently discovered this rip whilst listening through Volume FF for the first time (amazing album by the way, possibly one of my few favorites?). Listening to the albums is such an interesting experience because there's no comment section or ongoing event to really help categorize what the joke of a rip is - the rip entirely sells itself, and it becomes a lot easier for me to pay attention even when I'd otherwise not get the joke. Regardless, I feel like Blue Mareep would've grabbed me pretty quickly even if the YouTube upload had been my first exposure to it - despite its source material, I'm absolutely in love with the rip.

But wait, what do I mean "despite its source material"? A few of you may remember a post from a while back - Five Dreams at Night 1.16 - where I discussed the somewhat-notorious YouTube figure Dream. Dream and his gaggle of friends together formed the "Dream SMP", a loose storyline that ran through a multiplayer Minecraft-server, effectively a tabletop RPG story within Minecraft. A lot of older, grumpier and more cynical internet users like myself and many SiIvaGunner viewers (the kinds of people who still watch YouTube Poops, basically) kind of wrote the whole thing off as rather cringey, content made for a different audience than us, and mostly got exposed to Dream through his various controversies. He's a figure that's fun to make fun of, and I went into that in the above post wherin I covered him before. Though Mask's presence on the channel in Season 5, it seemed to me that SiIva's stance on Dream in general was pretty much unanimously to make fun of him.

Yet, part of what I love so much about SiIva is that its a channel housing so many different people with so many different points of view. Sure, maybe I personally don't have any investment or affection for the Dream SMP and its ongoing narrative, and it looks a little silly from my POV - but then again, so does SiIvaGunner, and the narratives running on here have genuinely brought me to tears more than once. Blue Mareep is a pretty simple rip in concept - it's a Lacunosa Town-style arrangement of Blue, a song written in tribute and in reference to the Dream SMP. It's a soothing, chill little vibe discussing the friendship between Wilbur and his pet blue sheep, "Friend", and is genuinely a very pleasant listen even completely disconnected from the Dream SMP.

What makee Blue Mareep such a good rip isn't solely due to the chill source track - its the sound of Lacunosa Town itself! The track's DS-ified acoustic guitar sound paired with the gentle piano melody is some of the most soothing, nostalgic audio to me, and it gives Blue an entirely new kind of sound - still soothing and pleasant, but now completely void of the digital Lofi sound that originally defined it. The added sounds of Mareeps, Flaaffys and Ampharos' replaving the sheep Baa's really seal the whole package - it disconnects you so far from the original song, it feels as if...you're daydreaming away, at a Pokèmon ranch, no worries in sight...

Blue Mareep sends me, so, so far away, I really can't stop listening to it. Heboyi through many of his rips has used so many strange sources that I've never even considered as having value in arranging, and produced so many bangers in the process - and I hope he keeps introducing me to more pleasing tunes like this.

[cythepoet]

To celebrate my 1 year as poet, I'll release a copy paste of my Google doc with poems. Both posted and not posted. Mostly posted already.

At the very start I started by writing poems in a doc as I was unsure of what to say, as I gained more confidence in my poems I started writing whenever I gained the motivation and posted them mostly without editing or double checking.

This has been a somewhat unbelievable journey and I can't believe it's been 1 year already.

Regardless,

Hope y'all enjoy reading/re-reading my poems.

_______________________

Light and darkness

Darkness and light

Both cut from the same fabric

Made from the same metal

Light can not exist without darkness

Darkness can not exist without light

Light shines and shows the way

Darkness blinds and binds

But does the light shine always show the right way?

But do the binds always hurt and hold in place?

Light can not always be good and holy

Darkness can not always be bad and unkept

Darkness needs to exist so light can shine

Light needs to exist so darkness can bind

Binds made by darkness can be cut

Lights shining can be blinding

No good or evil is pure

No darkness or light is pure

Pureness is subjective

So is light and darkness

Darkness and light

Light and darkness

____________________________________

Blinds and binds

Binds and holds

Holds and held

Held till her hands slipped out of his binds

Held till her eyes opened from his blinds

She ran and hid

She hid till she was sure he was gone

He wasn't gone

He hid and planned

Planned so he can blind and bind her again

His binds wrapped around her body

Burning and biting,

His blinds covered her eyes

Blinding and frightening

He had his binds wrapped around tightly so she can not escape again

His actions didn't go unnoticed

His blinds and binds were cut and broken

She was taken away by the light

His darkness was swallowed whole and hidden

____________________________________

The daughter of the night

The daughter of the light

Both danced around each other for a while

Scared to touch

And scared to die

The myth of death might lie

But the daughters both feared it's lie

It was feed into their minds form age of four

Their minds poisoned but not beyond repair

They danced and spun to the music,

Keeping their distance but not leaving

They danced till the night was over and light was coming over

The daughters didn't wanna separate from each other

But the fear to touch forced them part

Till the next year the daughter of the night sat in her room

Dreaming 'bout the light

The daughter of the light waited for the night to fall over so they can both dance and spin

By the time the year came over

The myth no longer frightened

And the lie was open

They held hands and danced together

No longer 'fraid to die

If they die then, at least they'll be together for eternity and the light will not separate them again

____________________________________

Tear me apart

Tear me till I tear up

Tear and rip me apart till porcelain is covering your wooden floors

Tear me apart

Tear me until paint is under your nails

Tear me apart till I can't be recognized or replaced

Tear me apart till tears spill out and drip down on your feet

Tear me apart

Tear me apart until I'm pretty enough to be loved by you

____________________________________

Your truth is like knife stabbing me repeatedly

Your lies are like honey dripping into my ears

But it's too sweet

It's pouring out

Making a mess of me

You cover up your lies within a plastic wrap

It pops and pours out

It's suffocating me

You're backed into a corner

You have no choice

Neither did I

Your lies covered me and tied me down

Now your truth cuts me free and apart

We fall apart like two puzzle pieces that were never made to be together

You forced us together with your honey sweet lies

You dripped honey into everyone's ears till it all flowed out

Your sweetness turned bitter

My love turned sour

____________________________________

Bittersweet taste left on my tongue

Bittersweet memories left in my mind

Bittersweet words left in my diary

The same diary you read

The same diary you opened and closed without my knowledge

The same diary you used to tie strings around me

Strings around my arms and legs

Strings around my face and hair

Strings that you pull and play with me like a puppet

Puppet that you threw away

Puppet that you used and abused

Puppet that will cut through your words

Bittersweet resentment building up in this puppet body of mine

____________________________________

Star in a starry night

Shining and guiding

Guiding the way home

A guide home isn't too bad at this road

Some toads hang out at the side of the road

Road gets covered by toads

The star guides the road toads away

The road is toads free

Road home is safe

____________________________________

Warmth covering my body

Burning my face and eyes

But pain has yet to hit

It's tingling but not hurting

It's keeping me warm when I feel so cold

This warmth needs to be guided to a new place

I may be warm outside but my insides are cold

My heart is dead and frozen solid

Guiding the warmth isn't hard

A stick will easily show it the way

Guiding warmth didn't take long

Soon I feel warmth flood my heart and soul

Just as I watch his house be covered by woman in the red dress

____________________________________

Woman in the red dress danced over the forest and the houses

Her dress slowly fading into the air and turning into grey smoke

As she danced her hair turned orange and then yellow

Her hair shortened

Turning into ash and smoke

Slowly she and her dress disappeared into the nightly forever

____________________________________

I don't miss you

I miss your nostalgia

I don't care about you

I miss caring and being cared for

I don't love you

I miss your lies

Lies that you sew into my soul

Lies that you had to tear out of my heart

Lies that opened my eyes

Lies I wish you never said to begin with.

Perhaps if I'd known your true colors I could've avoided you

You hid your colours beneath grey smoke and blue fire

Now the colour purple burns my soul and eyes

Now the taste of honey makes me sick and tired

Now I know the truth and it's sour

Sour like your rotten soul

Sour like your rotten heart

Sour like my dead love for you

____________________________________

I feel shallow

I feel hollow

I feel alone and lost

The numbness is taking over

The hole in my chest is flooding with smoke and mirrors

It's not closing yet

Just a mirror showing me back my reflection and smoke filling my body

Your words carved out my chest

Your lies hollowed me out

Now your punishment will fulfill me again

And your truth shall haunt you

____________________________________

The days are getting lonely and colourless

I'm looking forward to the next day

I'm looking forward to the gay day

The colours in the streets

The colours in the skies

We need more vibrant colours

So our lives aren't colourless and bland

Bland is the nights without stars or moon

Bland is the clouds covering up the sun

Bland is the smoke blown in our eyes

The gay is the way

____________________________________

Just admit you don't trust me

I'm tired of the games you wrap me in

Just admit you don't want me to play the role

I'm tired of the theater you build

Just admit you don't want me near

I'm tired of the family we built

Just admit I'll never get what I want,

And it's all because of you.

____________________________________

Why?

Why is life this way?

Why are humans this way?

Why do we exist?

Why is our purpose so unknown?

Why can't it make sense?

Why does life make more sense than you?

Why does my life mean nothing to you?

I thought we were friends

You switch up so quick I can't separate you from your appearance

You drive me insane

You drove me insane

You made me say things I didn't mean

You made me do things I didn't want

I need to learn to separate your lies from my truth

____________________________________

You're so innocent

So pure and beautiful

That's what they all tell you

Before they rip it out of your hands

They rip the innocence and pureness out of your hands

They said you deserved it

They say you were asking for it

You're left all alone

Violated,

Ripped apart,

Broken…

____________________________________

There's no turning back for us

There's no going back for us

The us was destroyed when trust shattered like thin glass

The us you knew was nothing but a mere fantasy of yours

I'm leaving you in past,

Nothing other than a simple memory on this life road.

My road continues, yours ends here

____________________________________

The sun may shine

The light may blur

But it won't refill my heart with joy

My memories as clear as day

My emotions dead as night

I may forgive but I won't forget

Watch your back

I may get my revenge

For your ravenous action against me

___________________________________

Bound by the night of your hands

My light wants to escape

My light is dimming but the hope isn't dying

Please let me go,

Your memories won't let me free

Your voice won't let me leave

Haven't we went through enough?

Please let me leave

Now you're the one at my feet

Your words dancing around the apology

The apology I so deserve

The apology that went unspoke

____________________________________

She's so beautiful, like an unspoken word

She's so sweet, like fresh honey

I don't wish to be her

I wish to have her

I wish to hold her hand

And pull her close

I don't wish to leave her behind

I wish to let her walk this path along with me

____________________________________

Her brown eyes stare at me like the farm house in the distance

Her brown hair smooth and curly

Her skin silky, like a fine scarf

Her lips light like a fine light

Can she be mine?

Can I be hers?

Can we be each others?

Can we be together?

Her touches like gentle kisses covering my skin

Her giggles like gentle music to my ears

Her smile like beautiful view for my eyes

Her hugs so warm and nice

____________________________________

Her summer sunset dress

Her summer sky eyes

Her summer rain scent

Her summer night hair

My autumn day eyes

My autumn sky bag

My autumn rain perfume

My autumn night chill

His winter day hat

His winter sky books

His winter snow makeup

His winter night cold

Their spring day happiness

Their spring sky hair pins

Their spring flower crown

Their spring night mystery

____________________________________

In her eyes I see the world

In her hair I see the fates

In her dress I see the stars

She's the one keeping us all covered and safe

She's the one keeping us all wrapped and trapped

She's the universe and everything around it

She's the sky, the ground, the air

She's everwhere and nowhere at the same time

She's visible and invisible all the time

She may never die

She will live forever

She's here

She's there

She's everywhere

____________________________________

I lack the communication to let them know

I lack the courage to explain my hurt

I bury my fear and hurt beneath a layer of lies

I lie and pretend i'm alright

I lack the words to explain myself

I lack the words you let them know

I can hide it

I can bury it

I can forget it

Why do I lie..

____________________________________

I can feel them bumbling up in my throat

I wanna scream them out

But I stay silent with a plaster on my mouth

I can feel my body shaking

I wanna rip it apart

I sit calm with legs and arms crossed

I can feel it crawl under my skin

I wanna get rid of it

I sit with eyes blindfolded

I wanna communicate it to them

I wanna tell them my hurt

I drown out the feeling with meaningless words

____________________________________

Online conversations

How is that a valid escalation

In any conversation?

Presume you talked this way in person,

All the looks would be on you.

I just told you to decorous

And you told me you'd assail me and deflower me

Your hands would be cuffed in minutes

And you'd be in a registry

Why is this behavior so alright online?

Why is this behavior so popular online?

Have people always been this shit

Or have we simply dehumanized?

____________________________________

Why are men like this?

Why do men prefer girls younger than them?

How long is it until men prefer girls still learning algebra?

How long is it until men prefer girls still learning to spell?

How long is it until men prefer girls still learning to speak?

How long is it until men prefer girls still sleeping in diapers?

"But not all men are like this" calls a voice from shadows

But then why aren't the abusers, the catcallers, the rapist, the assaulters the minority?

Why are "not all men" the minority?

Why are men like this?

____________________________________

Inspiration.

What is inspiration?

Is it the sky during any hour of the ceaseless cycle?

Is it the memories of your childhood?

Is it the beauty or deadly weather?

For some, yes.

For me, inspiration is pure spite to prove that I'm worth it,

Pure anger running through my veins,

Words spinning in circles in my head,

The anger I feel when I hear his voice,

The sadness that sits on the bottom of my stomach,

The heart aches that won't leave me during the darkest hour.

____________________________________

I wanna ask you again,

But I know the answer,

I wanna plead for it again,

But I know you'll hate me,

I wanna be respected,

But I know you don't care,

I wanna be like you,

But I know you won't let me,

Maybe I'm similar to you now,

Maybe our positions have switched,

But now I'm holding your leash,

And you're kissing my feet.

____________________________________

I always knew that's what they said behind my back

I always knew the words they shared about me

I refused to believe it,

Until it came back and stabbed me

I could feel the pain it inflicted in my chest

I could hear their mocking tones

Why does it still hurt if I knew that's what they said?

I never wanted to be slapped in the face with the truth.

Being blissfully ignorant was less painful than this.

Where do I go from this?

Do I seek the truth and cut them off?

Do I stay ignorant and blind?

Do I pretend like nothing happened?

Why can't I decide…

Why can't I decide…

The choice feels so obvious, yet not

____________________________________

I think I saw you across the street

Not really sure

You looked older for sure

But still the same face

I wanted to look away and forget you,

Yet I kept looking back at you,

To know if you still live in the same place,

I wasn't crazy whenever I double check

It really was you, across the street that I saw.

I couldn't help but wonder if you'd still laugh at the girl walking across the street from you,

would you still reject me if I told you?

Thinking back, it's a pointless though,

It's been years since the day,

I've forgotten all about you,

Yet your face brings it all back.

____________________________________

I don't miss the person I was

I feel bad for the people I've hurt

I feel bad for being their friend

I know it happened a while ago

But the guilt is still wrapping around my heart

I can feel it squeezing my heart

I can feel it flow in my throat

And block my lungs

I can feel the guilt making a hole in my chest

It's almost like you can see through me.

It's something burning urging me to apologize

Sometimes it's weighing me down and drowning me

And sometimes I forget how to breathe and function.

I hope, everyone who knows me,

Can hear my apologies,

From miles away,

Even when I'm done and dead.

____________________________________

I can't handle this

Please let me leave

My brain is swelling

My thoughts are rebelling

Please leave me alone

I can't handle her voice anymore

She's repeating and glitching

Like a broken record

She's screeching and screaming

My ears are bleeding

Make it stop!

Make it stop!!

Make it stop!!!

____________________________________

I pray upon your downfall

It may sound cruel

But you did this to yourself

You were mean and cruel to me

I can feel your ground shaking,

I'm the one at cause.

Your walls are crumbling,

I'm the one who's bashing them.

I pray upon your downfall

So you may never trip me again.

I hope you fall and never stop falling.

I hope you fall, see hope and then keep falling.

You did this to yourself.

Your mask has fallen and your colors exploded.

____________________________________

An eye for an eye, leave the whole world blind

But you struck first blood.

You stabbed my back with a blade as deep as the space,

I wasn't even aware of the knife for a while.

I was bleeding and trying to be kind,

But you ignored me.

You never said why until I found the knife,

I thought we were on good terms but I guess I was wrong.

I now see you with shattered red glasses.

I may try to be professional on the outside,

But inside I'm red and blue.

Not purple,

Purple reminds me of you.

____________________________________

I'm a jack off all trades

A little bit everywhere and anywhere

I can do poetry,

Painting or drawing,

Cooking or baking,

Singing or dancing,

Music or acting,

But I'm a master of none.

Nothing I do is fully mastered,

So do I even have any skills?

Something is better than nothing,

But do I even have the 'nothing'?

Where starts the something, and ends the nothing?

____________________________________

Am I being silenced?

Or am I just being frustrated nothing more is done?

I want to scream and shout my pain,

From the bottom of my lungs yell and tell.

Yet, I'm molded into this shape, of forgive and forget.

I can't forgive,

I can't forget.

The wound is still fresh and bleeding,

There's blood on your floors and you're ignoring it.

You don't care for me,

You're trying to protect the bully,

While the victim is crying and suffering.

While I'm crying and suffering.

____________________________________

Flowers blossom, in the middle of the night,

What a pity, they'll wither so soon.

Water can keep them pretty, for a while,

But nothing is endless, and nothing can prevent this.

Look at them while you can,

As beauty is temporary, but memory not.

____________________________________

Thanks for reading,

Here's to second year of my poetry journey 🥂

-Cy

[analiavs]

Harperverse: Moonlight Ride

Eden X Bailey

words: 2808

Warnings: noncon, drugging

Bailey tries to avoid his self-described mate.

Will post just the smut in a later post.

Link for people who prefer it on Ao3:

He’d been desperate and thought Eden would save him, but it had completely backfired. Or maybe he’d been saved too well. He tried to loosen the collar around his neck, listening carefully for changes in Eden’s breathing while he whittled away.

So far Eden had been the perfect gentlemen, but he couldn’t tell how long it would especially with a fuck moon tonight. And as a fox type he was sexually compatible with Eden’s rut. He absolutely couldn’t be here when it hit. Honestly this was just the mayonnaise for the knuckle sandwich life had been beating him with.

 So many people were on his shit list. He didn’t think he asked for much. He just wanted to do his job and Harper had ruined everything. The most insulting part was that it hadn’t even been a  power play on his part. The sick fuck genuinely thought he was curing people.

If his henchman hadn’t abandoned him after the first orgy he probably could have maintained the status quo. But when money’s value evaporated overnight he hadn’t had anything to keep them satisfied. Well anything he wanted to give up.

With his protection gone, his debtors felt more inclined to fight back. And even some of the townspeople tried to get some action. Brandishing his gun was usually enough, but he’d run out of bullets not too long after the fall. He couldn’t imagine what would happen if that got out.

As a result he’d been relegated to hiding in his apartment and sneaking around for scraps. He tacitly refused to participate in Briar’s new fluid based economy and had nothing he was willing to barter. He’d come to somewhat rely on Eden for meals, so he hadn’t thought it’d be a problem when he asked him to help deal with experiment 1.5. That ungrateful bastard looked like a savage minotaur, even if his bodyguards hadn’t abandoned him they probably would have been beaten by him. Eden was strong and armed, so he had a chance. 

He hadn’t expected to get kidnaped. If he’d been less picky finding Eden a spouse maybe this could have been avoided. At least Eden fed him dinner before going to bed. He heard his captor’s breathing start to change, so he quickly flopped down like he was sleeping. 

He kept his eyes closed and listened while Eden got up and stretched. He pretended to be asleep while Eden made himself breakfast. He heard his useless stomach growl, but kept feigning sleep. Eventually Eden came up and shook him. 

“Wake up, I made breakfast. Just eggs, but I’m going hunting today. We’ll eat meat tonight and bask in the moonlight.” Eden smiled at him. He reached for the plate.

“...thank you for the food, but Eden you can’t keep me here. C’mon you’ve literally chained me to-” Eden slammed his fists down onto the table making him flinch back. 

“So you’re just like the others huh? Think you're too good for me. I provide and protect, all I ask for is comfort and company! Well tonight I’ll be sure to show you you belong on my knot.” The anger radiating from him left him cowering. How many people had Eden kept like this? Suddenly his appetite had disappeared too. 

“I have your scent so if you escape I’ll just hunt you down.” Eden smiled all teeth, 

“In fact if you leave you’ll be my prey tonight. But it’ll be easier on you if you just stay in here.” Eden yanked him over, taking the collar off him. Instantly he bolted out the door. Eden laughed behind him, 

“I’ll see you tonight!” Fuck he kept running, ignoring Eden. At least he hadn’t tried to stop him. But he needed to get far away from Eden and the woods. He ran for hours back to the edge of the woods. The branches seemed to come alive tearing at his clothes. His shirt got ripped into shreds,but at least his pants were still intact. He panted, catching his breath. He glanced around making sure no one else was around before scurrying down the road.

He felt more fearful than usual. Maybe Eden or the transformation was getting to him. It didn’t matter he snuck back to the flats without any interruptions. People were likely getting ready for the fuck moon. He’d have to worry about prowlers and Eden tonight. 

He made it back to his apartment and saw that his door had been battered open. Shards of wood scattered onto the ground, he looked in and saw that what was left of his furniture was strewn everywhere. He felt numb staring at into his wrecked apartment. He could smell cum and paint too. 

He’d only been gone for a night, he couldn’t believe his eyes. He went to his wardrobe and saw that the drawers were thrown everywhere and whoever had broken in had obviously helped themselves to his clothes too. 

He jumped when he realized that his gun might have been stolen too. He went to his safe and saw that it had been bashed open too. He fell down to his knees. He could cry, his den had been destroyed now where was he supposed to hide from Eden. The upheaval had taken everything from him. He heard someone laughing behind him. He turned back to see experiment 2.5 looking down on him with her little entourage standing behind her. She forced a hug on him. He tried not to shiver and told her to fuck off. 

“Aw, daddy don’t cry I got something for you.” She sing-songed, he tried to move away when a hand rubbed one of his ears. He squeaked before telling her to fuck off again. He tried to move away from her when a hand grabbed his neck, and made him go limp. He had no idea why a hand on his neck immobilized him, he kept his face blank but inwardly he was panicking. 

“Don’t tell me what to do, let me have my fun or you won’t get your present.” She hissed into his ear. No, not again. What the fuck was wrong with his wards? He definitely hadn’t raised them to be like this.  

“I don’t want your fucking gift! Get out of my apartment and leave me alone! Stop touching me…” His voice shifted to a whine when she found a particularly sensitive spot on his ear. He went silent unwilling to give her the response that she wanted.

“Always so sensitive, don’t worry I’m not gonna collar you I’m not into gilfs. So just give in to the pleasure.” She kept petting him and eventually against his will his body began to relax. He could feel the tension leaving his body as she kept petting him.

“That’s it, a little birdy told me the woodsman got you. I figured it wouldn’t be long till people came to loot your room, so I was nice and saved your gun for you. To be fair no one else has escaped that psycho on the same day.” She cooed. He couldn’t stop the small sigh when she scratched his ears gently. Not long after something dropped on his lap pulling him out of the trance. It was his gun, he couldn’t stifle his reaction in time and grabbed it quickly sliding it into his waistband. 

“Thanks…” He might as well show his gratitude. She patted his head a couple times before going to stand next to her little friends. When had his neck been released. He ignored the heat on his face and stared at them in confusion. She giggled,

“Alright, I’m just gonna say it. We were planning on fucking on your bed so you gotta skedaddle.” She didn’t even look ashamed to say it.

“What! You insolent litte! I should punish you for this-” He tried to think of anything he could say or do to regain his power over her.

“C’mon what are you gonna do, spank me? Shoot me? With no bullets?” She laughed. 

“Run along now little foxy before I set my dogs on you.” She shooed him away. Her dogs stood behind her trying to look intimidating. They looked stupid, but he honestly didn’t have the energy to fight. He tried to ignore the humiliation of being forced out of his already ransacked apartment. Well at least he still had his gun. He would find a way to get his get back. He heard exaggerated moans starting up as he left the hallway. 

Maybe it was for the best his apartment might be the first place Eden looked. As he walked through town trying to find a good hiding spot he felt the energy start to shift. It was only about midday and the town was already starting to thrum with lust. He merely flashed his gun at anyone who tried to get handsy and they backed off. At least all the walking helped clear his head.

He’d heard the temple was taking in people resisting lust under experiment 2.0’s leadership, maybe he could manage to sneak in. Then, he’d be safe from Eden at least for the night. He made it there by midafternoon. He entered the temple, unsure what to expect. Inside there were many people praying, and angel types working around them. At least no one noticed him slip in. 

He was on edge half expecting someone to start a scene but it was peaceful. By now his exhaustion was starting to peak, so he found a hidden corner to curl up and take a nap. He woke up to 2.0 looking down on him with contempt. 

“This is a refuge for the lost, the desperate, and the fearful, what right have you to sully sacred ground?” Her angelic pose was juxtaposed by her expression. She was being careful to hide her face from her followers. Damn it, another psycho. 

“I just need a place to spend the night, I’ll leave in the morning.” He kept his face neutral. He wasn’t going to beg for her salvation or feed into her delusions of grandeur. 

“I’m sure the brothel would be happy to provide accommodations for the night. Someone like you is undeserving of the temple's light.”

“...C’mon what will your followers think if you turn me away?  I’m not one of those sex-crazed bastards, I am your caretaker. I gave you food and a roof over your head and this is how you repay me?”

“Yeah, take that tone. The Farm wants more cattle and the brothel wants more foot soldiers. They’ll give you food and shelter. Or better yet, let the woodsman catch you.” She smiled at him. 

“You’ll find no refuge here, leave now or be escorted out.” With her acting like they were having a regular conversation causing a scene would only net him more trouble.

He grit his teeth and left with as much of his pride as he could salvage. She didn’t even follow him out. When he stepped outside he gasped, it was evening. The sun was going down and soon the moon would be up. She must have known and waited to kick him out.

He was cornered, he controlled his breathing.  He hadn’t slept that peacefully since the fall, 2.5 must have let him sleep until evening. Now the town would be full of lust drunk people searching for prey.

His only hope was to make it to the lake and wash his scent off. He ran into the woods, the sun following him. He could smell the water when he heard a deep howl emanating from the woods.

Instinctively he froze, it was Eden. Without thinking he bolted off in the opposite direction of Eden’s howl. From his rudimentary understanding of courtship under the curse, the hunt was on. 

He ran in a zigzag pattern, threw himself desperately into rivers all in the hopes of getting Eden off his trail. Even as his lungs became too worn out to draw air in he ran. He was soaked and freezing but he kept running, he’d never been so desperate in his life. He cursed his wards with every fiber of his being. 

He wasn’t sure how long he’d been running when he heard branches shattering behind him. He forced all his energy into a last-ditch sprint, but Eden was faster. He heard him gaining on him and with a snarl he was tackled to the ground.

“I’ve caught you at exactly midnight that makes you my mate.” Eden growled, humping his back. He used one big hand to hold his arms behind his back. He kicked and struggled trying to break free, but Eden’s strength was overwhelming. 

“C’mon Eden please don’t!” He tried to reason with him. He’d been able to avoid being in such a position for decades and now he was trapped. He kept struggling, but Eden just held him down. 

Try as he might to resist his instincts and the moon, he felt his body beginning to yield to Eden. His struggling turned into humping and his pleas started to sound more like moans.  

“You’ve finally accepted you’re my mate…” Growled Eden nipping his neck. When he tried to keep pleading his case, his words started changing ever so slightly.  

“Knot me… knot me please.” He felt Eden taking off what was left of his pants. He breathed in. Eden’s musk was all-encompassing. Even if he tried to fight it, something inside him called him to Eden.They grinded against each other. He usually would never succumb to lust, but the moon and the pheromones were all too much. He felt Eden’s dick pressing against his hole, rubbing insistently. 

“Mine, now and forever.” Eden said, he licked his neck and thrust his dick in. He squealed from the pain. Once he was inside him, he felt Eden pull him by the hair down onto his dick. The pink light off the moon reflected down onto them.The lust inducing effect left him shaking. 

He felt Eden’s hips on his ass. His dick was so thick, he trembled. When the thrusting started he bit his lip to keep from making any noise. He tried to focus his eyes on a tree in front of him, but as Eden started finding his rhythm he started increasing the pace of his thrusts. He was practically a fleshlight as Eden jackhammered into him. Eden’s grunts were a bit of a turn on. 

He couldn’t focus. The pleasure was too much. Despite his resistance, a few moans escaped him. His vision lost focus. He gripped the dirt trying to stabilize his body and started thrusting his hips back to meet Harper’s thrusts. He would go along with it just until he could get rid of the heat in his body. Fuck them and leave them, that was no issue. He just needed to put Eden to sleep. 

It probably wouldn’t be hard. For someone with such a huge dick, Eden really had no idea how to use it. Seriously, just thrusting wildly wasn’t pleasurable. His only saving grace was that his dick was big enough to hit his prostate. He thrust back with intent, and timed squeezes with Eden’s thrusts. Instead of grunting, Eden was starting to moan now. Perfect now it was time for his secret move, 

“Mate, let me make you feel good.” He ground onto Eden’s dick like he was in a frenzy, forcing him onto his back. He turned to face Eden while he rode him. Just to keep an eye on him. He bounced up and down, watching Eden’s face contort with pleasure. Eden thought he would be the one controlled by the flesh, preposterous. He wrote his name on Eden’s dick just to see what would happen. Predictably, Eden spasmed practically screaming in pleasure. 

“Bailey ah! So good.” He didn’t say anything, just smirked and kept bouncing. From the way Eden was drooling it wouldn’t be long until he came. He tried not to laugh and ground down onto Eden’s dick. Then started bouncing again. He could feel the moonlight reflecting off his back, emboldening him. He was just starting to feel it when Eden howled and grabbed his hips. He pistoned in and out intensely before forcing him down onto his knot.

He kicked Eden reflexively from the pain but once his dick was locked in he was stuck. At least Eden fell asleep. He sighed, waiting for Eden’s knot to finally give out. It was a long hour, but he finally got loose. Eden was snoring. He ignored the cum dripping down his legs. He looked down with disdain, Eden was a stupid selfish lover. He jacked off onto Eden’s face. Once he’d covered Eden’s face with cum, he found his gun on the ground and ran off.

[bestworstcase]

What would you have thought if Madam Canardist was designed and characterized without the racially negative stereotypes against the Romani people and voiced without an accent?

she’d be a completely different character in that case. 

her basic role in the story, as a character accompanied by a disguised/shapeshifted demanitus, who ends up facilitating the important exposition in lost and found, is completely fine on its own. so, i wouldn’t have a problem with a different, hypothetical non-racist character filling that role

in the context of... sticking with canon and the episodic cartoon format and trying not to deviate too much from the canon plot, here’s how i’d design that character:

1. obviously just... completely scrap her canon visual design. i think she should still be a woman of color, because there aren’t enough women of color in tangled. actually you know what this is all hypothetical so let’s get real self indulgent with it and say she’s voiced by and modeled after ciara renée, Because Reasons.

2. she’s still named canardist, but to lean more into the pun, demanitus’s shapeshifted form is a duck, not a monkey. [in english, a “canard” is an unfounded rumor, story, or hoax, and in french, a “canard” is a duck. :P]

3. she’s a village bard and team corona first encounters her in her hometown of fortuna. rapunzel and eugene are on a date, rapunzel sees this woman chilling with her lute and her slightly deranged looking duck by a fountain or something and is like !!!, and canardist not-very-begrudgingly agrees to perform, like, the epic ballad she’s composed about the town’s history. 

4. it turns out that the history of fortuna’s founding is absolutely fucking bizarre, like this town is a total weirdness magnet and all kinds of utterly bonkers stuff has happened and when canardist finishes the tale eugene is like hahaha, yeah right. canardist, put out by his skepticism, is like “look my duck is psychic fortuna is just Like This okay” and eugene loses it. 

5. rapunzel is intrigued by the psychic duck and wants to pay for a fortune, but canardist is like no way, your boyfriend is a jerk, get lost, so they go. they stop in the market to pick up supplies on their way back to the caravan, discuss eugene’s cynicism, hear some rumors about the thieves who’ve been terrorizing the town lately. rapunzel persuades eugene that they should loop past the fountain again and apologize to canardist for him, you know, laughing in her face and insulting her pet, and when they get there the duck is gone and she’s distraught because two kids grabbed him and ran off. cue the rest of the canon plot of vigor the visionary, with the girls and everything. except vigor is a duck. 

6. in the end, they bring vigor the duck back to canardist, and to thank them, she offers rapunzel one of vigor’s fortunes. it’s vague and confusing and won’t come into play until, let’s say happiness is—when we (and rapunzel) realize that it was warning her not to fall for the illusory happiness offered by the lorb idol. eugene is still skeptical, insisting that the “fortune” was vague and it only lined up with the events on the island by coincidence. 

7. now—fundamentally, bards were chroniclers. they recorded history. and canardist, being a rather good bard, figured out pretty quickly just who rapunzel is and, after team corona left fortuna, decided “you know what? that’s history in the making. i’m going to follow them and write down what happens.” 

8. so she hops a ferry across the sea and waits for them on the other side. rather than the whole lombard’s pass / telescope theft / nonsense with the curse, the episode after peril on the high seas is shenanigans with canardist being all, “i want to join your group and chronicle you” while team corona is like um. there’s a b plot with vigor the duck kind of terrorizing eugene/following eugene around and refusing to be shooed away; the a plot maybe has to do with a clash between canardist, who’s accustomed to nobility paying her for the privilege of having her chronicle their lives, and rapunzel, who has Uncomfortable Feelings about being important enough for a professional bard to be wanting to travel with her and write about it; maybe they still have to cross lombard’s pass, canardist helps (she’s a bard, she’s well traveled, she probably knows a trick or two), and at the end of the episode it’s like—okay, rapunzel’s not comfortable traveling with what’s essentially a biographer, but she and canardist come to some sort of agreement to go their separate ways but with the understanding that canardist is going to trail after them and interview people about what they did and at some point, when she’s ready, rapunzel’s going to give her side of the story.

9. canardist gets tied back into the narrative in brothers hook. this time it’s not because she’s following them, but because hook hand’s a friend of hers and she, completely independently of team corona, decided to show up and support him at his big gig for king trevor. it’s a much more amiable meeting and, after hook foot leaves, rapunzel decides to invite canardist along. because she’s doubling down on her decisions in the great tree, she feels more secure than she did the last time they met and letting canardist chronicle their journey no longer seems as scary. so canardist takes hook foot’s place in the party.

10. her presence then becomes yet another thing putting pressure on cass, because the thing is... it’s clear that cass is just a footnote in the story canardist is chronicling. she’s not important, in the context of the history they are making. rapunzel is. cass is on track to end up as rapunzel’s nameless bodyguard in this ballad canardist is writing and she tries not to let that bother her but it really really does. 

11. i think it’s sort of funny if canardist gets just, completely skipped over by all the whacky evil shenanigans in the shell house. because tromus recognizes that vigor the duck is demanitus and he’s like okay, that’s a grenade i’m not going to touch with a ten foot pole, and zhan tiri is like yeah good call, so canardist ends up just like, sipping tea and casually strumming her lute and making small talk with tromus while the rest of team corona gets terrorized by mirror demons and time-twisting tops and lotus dreams. 

12. so lost and found. there’s some tension in the group because canardist wasn’t harmed by anything in the shell house and that has eugene feeling just a mite suspicious, and maybe cass is backing him up too to distract attention away from what she went through and her “do i take the moonstone or not” dilemma; and partly to smooth it over canardist is like look, rapunzel, eugene, take vigor, he has something he wants to show you.

13. by this point everyone is sort of used to canardist talking about vigor like this even though he is, to all appearances, a slightly deranged duck, and rapunzel is insistent that canardist is completely trustworthy so she’s like okay!! sounds great!! and drags eugene along. the maze stuff happens. vigor reveals himself to be demanitus. it’s basically canon except he’s, you know, a duck. also it just occurred to me that i never specified what kind of duck i’m imagining when i say duck so i feel the need to do that now: 

one of these guys, but like, a little bedraggled and crazed-looking. it’s the red eyes that really sells it. 

14. anyway vigor also reveals that, yes, canardist knew he was demanitus the whole time; turns out she comes from a long, long line of bards stretching back to an ancestor of hers who knew demanitus and agreed to protect his undying birdbrained duck vessel until such time as he was ready to emerge. eugene feels bad about distrusting her, they make up at the end of the episode, she slips him vigor’s fortune about one of the group turning traitor in the dark kingdom. he’s like, fuck.

15. destinies collides happen, cass gets the moonstone and fucks off, for the rest of s3 canardist’s role is like... she and vigor stick with the group, she’s still chronicling them, but she also, because of her own history with demanitus, is able to help fill in some of the gaps; she reveals to rapunzel that gothel was once a servant of demanitus—and betrayed him for zhan tiri, and then betrayed zhan tiri for the sundrop. basically she’s how we get more of the the gothel+zhan tiri lore we were all craving in s3

16. other s3 stuff—maybe with her help team corona starts sketching out a plan for dealing with zhan tiri immediately after race to the spire, rather than putting it off until plus est en vous. maybe she gets to be a kind of foil to cass; as a bard, she’s always the one telling the story—never participating in it directly—and perhaps she has some complicated feelings about that that could parallel cassandra’s feelings about always being in the shadows, just a footnote, just a bit player, never someone the story is about. maybe she can have a cute bonding moment or two with varian the demanitus fanboy or xavier the legends buff. also whacky vigor and canardist shenanigans during lost treasure are mandatory. anyway the point here is, she’s not just yeeted out of the story 

[harrywritingsbyme]

Right here Right Now

A/N: just a little something i wrote. idk…i just had a lil idea and i ran with it. i would’ve posted it earlier but i got hooked on doing absolutely nothing during my break so yeah. there’s a lil degradation bc why not…so mean dom/older/boyfriend harry but it’s still cute in some spots. anywaysss, i barely proofread it, ily, and this is my first fic of the new yearrr…enjoy🙃

4.2k wordsss

You and Harry’s night together was filled with good food, laughs, loving and longing stares from across the table, and sweet nothings quietly being traded back and forth between you two. It was almost as if these moments you two shared were ripped directly out of a book or a dream. The night, while being completely spontaneous, was absolutely perfect. 

And your night in particular was even more perfect because of the buzz that had taken off in your mind and body. Not only did you have a seemingly endless supply of good food, immaculate vibes, and romance. You also had a seeming endless supply of wine. Your favorite wine at that. While Harry kept his intake to a total of three sips since he’d be driving you both home, you on the other hand didn’t keep track and ended up having a grand total of two, almost three full glasses. Almost one for each course. 

Now you wouldn’t say that two almost three whole glasses is a lot for you. Nor would you consider yourself to be a lightweight. But it didn’t take long for a drink to start flowing through your body. And since it was a casual but nonetheless romantic night out where you could let your hair down more and just enjoy yourself, you became more relaxed and affectionate with Harry. 

During dinner, a simple little kiss on your hand wouldn’t suffice; you’d take it, but you wanted a kiss right on the lips. And of course Harry obliged; He always gave you what you wanted. Plus Harry was able to snag a table in the back of the restaurant, allowing you two a bit more privacy and room to just be together. Your little touchy feely antics continued through every course and all the way up until you two were ready to go. When it came time for the bill, you knew Harry had that taken care of so you decided to run to the ladies room before you two left the restaurant and headed back home. 

“So you’re just gonna leave me to foot the bill?” Harry says jokingly as you get up from the table. 

“Mhm.” You hum with a little nod and a wide tight lipped smile, discreetly tugging your dress down a bit in the process before prancing away from the table. And knowing Harry and how he would never pass up an opportunity to stare you down from behind, you move your hips a bit more than normal with each step.

When you return, the bill is all squared away and Harry is sat the table scrolling through his phone while waiting for you. When you sit back down, Harry’s attention leaves the screen in his hands and goes back to you. 

“Looked pretty focused over there.” You say, nodding down towards the phone in his hands as you pick up the glass to take one final sip of your wine.

“Yeah, I was checking out this instagram model that came across my feed.” Harry replies, looking back down in the direction of his phone that was shining back up at him, trying his best to hold back the smile and laugh that was creeping up to his mouth. He didn’t even bother too look up at you because if he did he’d break his “cover” and burst out into a fit of laughs at the scowl(your somewhat signature scowl that brought a sense of fear to whoever it was directed to, and a level sex appeal to none other than Harry) that was with out a doubt, spread across your face.

“Oh really.” You say back, completely unimpressed.

“Mhm, this is what she looks like.” Harry continues on all giddy in front of you, quickly turning the phone around to show you his screen. Before you could even see the screen your eyes widened at the fact that this man, your literal boyfriend, was showing you someone he stumbled across while you were in the restroom. At least, that’s what you thought. 

In reality, Harry turned his phone around to show you and your most recent post, causing your face to fall into a little smile. When he sees this, Harry doesn’t try and stop the laughs that he was fighting to hold back moments before from spilling out. For some reason, he just got a kick out of winding you up like this.

“That was a good one.” You say sarcastically, playfully glaring up at him before looking back down to swipe through the pictures you posted just a couple of hours ago. “Also, two things. One, your camera work is quite excellent. And two, when did you become so proficient with instagram.” You continue on, bringing your eyes back up to his while voicing the two thoughts lingering in your mind.

“Thank you very much. Even though I do have to say that it’s very easy to work the camera when there’s a stunning model like yourself in front of it.” Harry answers smoothly, sending a wink your way in the process; prompting a swarm of butterflies to attack your tummy and a wave of warmth rush up to your face. “And as far as being proficient in instagram goes, your post was just right at the top when I went in.” Harry explains with a little laugh. 

At this you two are actually ready to go. Harry is quick to stand from his seat in front of you (unknowingly giving you a little show) before coming over to your side of the table to help you up from your seat. You take one more swig from your glass, making it your official last glass, before standing up from your chair. A small kiss is planted right on your cheek and Harry’s hand moves to the small of your back, ushering the two of you out of the restaurant.

As soon as you step foot out of the doors you’re met with a gust of cool air, goosebumps immediately covering your skin. After Harry hands the valet ticket over, you immediately wrap yourself around Harry inside his jacket causing him to wrap his arms around your frame and a little laugh fall from his lips. You would’ve worn a jacket, but you didn’t want anything conflicting with your outfit. But it’s okay though because you had a perfectly good boyfriend to keep you warm. As you two waited for the car to be pulled around you, you had your head tilted back with your lips continuously puckered, silently asking for a continuous flow of kisses to your lips. And one by one, Harry presses small kisses into your lips. That is, until you were whining for a real one. In no time, Harry’s lips are pressed against yours and guiding you both into a much slower and far more intense kiss. Your lips were parted, following every movement his made and allowing his tongue to seamlessly glide against yours. Your body instantly warmed at the sensation and went somewhat limp in his arms. You let yourself fall completely into his control. Neither of you were thinking about who saw or how long the kiss was. Both of your minds were completely blank, too caught up in the easy going and relaxed nature of it all to even think about anything else. 

Eventually though, Harry softly pulls away from your lips, allowing for you both to steady yourselves.

“If you wanted me to shove my tongue down your throat all you had to do was ask.” Harry smartly says through a slight pant, a smirk taking over his face at the way you completely melted against him.  

“I’m a lady.” You simply reply, turning your nose up at him and turning your head away as you try to steady your breath as wel.. 

“I’m not so sure about that one doll.” Harry comes back at you with his brows raised at your statement. Just as he says this, as if the universe was on your side for the night, the valet is finally pulling up with the car. Not to say that you were really rushing him since you and Harry’s mini makeout session was quite great. 

But even though that may have been the case, when you see the car in your line of view, you scoff in Harry’s direction before lightly pushing at his chest and removing yourself from his light grip on you. Without saying a single word to him, you make your way over to the car. Opening the passenger side door and getting in by yourself. 

“That’s my job.” Harry pouts, following suit and coming over to the car. He wanted to at least close the door for you. But before he could even do that, still silent, you close the door yourself with a little glare in his direction.

Harry makes his way around to the drivers side, quickly hopping in and starting the car as to not hold anyone else up. The two of you now on your journey back home. It was silent on both ends, the only noise coming from the near quiet hum of the engine and the radio faintly playing in the background. The both of you content with the silence and simply being in each others presence. 

When the car comes to a stop at the red light you quit playing with the little bracelet that was wrapped around your wrist and you look for something else to mess with. Your eyes almost immediately fall on Harry’s ringed hand that was resting on the gearshift. Without any hesitation whatsoever, you pull his hand down to your lap, resting it on your exposed thigh. You were more than welcoming to his warm and soft hand to your skin. So much so that the contact alone caused the area between your legs to flutter a bit.  

“I take it you’re not mad at me anymore?” Harry chuckles, resting his head back against the headrest and turning in your direction. 

“Was never mad at you. I just like to throw a fit sometimes.” You hum, a proud little smirk rising to your face at the thought of your little fits. 

“I am well aware of that.” Harry replies, bringing the hand you pulled into your lap up to cup your jaw before bringing his face in closer to yours. “I am very well aware of your need to be a little brat.” Harry whispers, prior to enveloping your lips into a singular wet wet kiss that had you melting and coming in for more. Unfortunately for you though, after what seems like forever the light turns green prompting Harry to move back over to his side, returning his hand back to your lap in the process. Only this time, you’d have to work around his newfound grip on your thigh, his fingers curled inwards this time. If you weren’t buzzed before you were definitely buzzed now.

The buzz you had from dinner was far from being gone. In fact, it was only heightened by you and Harry’s banter and the delectable kisses you two shared. On top of the fact that you wanted Harry even more, your need (more like want) to be a brat was only heightened. With that being said, you began to tease Harry a bit. That probably wasn’t the best idea since he was driving but you enjoyed the thrill that came along with it so you kept going anyways. 

Not only did you pull his hand higher up your dress, that was a given. But you also began to slide your hand up his thigh in an effort to reach the no doubt semi hard bulge in his pants. To which he’d let go of your thigh to place your hand back over into your lap before bringing his back. You two did this a couple times, turning it into a little back and forth game between you two. Sometimes you’d get even closer than before, and other times Harry’d move quicker in putting your hand back. You even tried trapping his hand between your thighs while your hand made its way up. But once again, some way some how you’d be stopped in your tracks. Even though you had to work a little bit for what you wanted, you weren’t planning on letting up. In fact, seeing him trying to resist you only made you want him even more. 

And because you wanted him even more now, you figured you’d try one more thing that would almost guarantee you getting what you wanted. While you were impressed by the self-control he had, you still wanted him to cave in to your advances. So to make that happen, you unbuckle your seatbelt and you move your body over in his direction. You ultimately have your chest pressed against his arm, your lips at his ear, and your hand creeping into his lap. Harry had no choice but to cave now. 

“Stop fighting me baby, let’s just have some fun.” You mewl into his ear as your hand begins to squeeze at his growing bulge. You then plant the tiniest kiss to the area right below his ear. Harry fought hard to not pay you any mind and focus solely on the road ahead. But that seemed to be a quite futile effort. Especially when you started to undo his pants. You were quick with your work on the button and zipper, but not in a rush since you already knew that you had him exactly where you wanted him. 

You could already hear his quickened breaths with every move you made, but they were heightened even more when you wrapped your warm hand around his now solid shaft and freed him from the confines of his pants. But you didn’t stop there. You give him a couple of tugs before removing yourself from him entirely. Removing your hand from around his cock and moving your body out from against his arm. You then proceed to position yourself in a way that would have you face level with his cock. And without a second thought you bring your mouth in to wrap around his pretty pink head. 

Harry fought to hold back the moan that was on the tip of his tongue. Your warm mouth felt so good around him and he wanted so badly push your head down to take him further down your throat. But he knew that if he did, he wouldn’t be living to enjoy the pleasure from it. 

Even though you two were less than fifteen or so minuets away from home Harry had to pull over to the side of the road. Since you had no plans of waiting until you got home, he wasn’t going to bother trying to contain and control himself until then either. Harry swiftly puts the car in park and undoes his seatbelt before turning the car off. The two of you were in complete darkness and silence. The only light coming from the dim light pole further ahead and the only noise coming from you sucking at his cock.

Harry brings a hand down to wrap around your throat, slightly choking you to force your mouth off of him. Your lips are all glossy and you’re a little bit out of breath beside him. Neither of you say a word to each other. Instead, you both are watching each other’s movements. You move back into your seat the proper way, and Harry is carefully redoing his pants back to the way they were when you two first got into the car. Once he’s done, Harry opens the drivers side door, prompting you to mimic his actions on your side.

“Don’t you go anywhere.” Harry sternly commands, stopping you right in your tracks. You were itching for something, absolutely anything at this point. Your panties were so soaked at this point and you couldn’t go without something. You watch as he hops out of the car, making sure to pull his seat up as much as possible before immediately returning in the backseat. 

“Since you wanted to try and kill us, you can get us both off.” Harry smartly says, shrugging off his jacket before beckoning you over with two fingers. 

In an instant you’re kicking off your shoes and crawling into the backseat. It was pretty spacious back there so you weren’t really concerned with being able to move around. Once you’re back there you immediately straddle Harry’s lap, wasting zero time in smearing your lips against his in a sloppy kiss. Your tongues are moving in and out of each other’s mouths, you’re grinding down into Harry’s very pronounced bulge, and Harry is tugging your dress up to your waist to expose your lower half. His hands immediately go for your ass, his large hands trying to grip onto as much as possible, and his fingers curling inward before pulling your ass apart. This gave him more control over your movements in his lap. When he starts to move you up and down, simulating how you’d ride him, your mouth detaches from his as you let out a string of moans from how good it felt to roughly collide with the bump in his pants.

“Want you inside.” You whine, dropping your hands from his shoulders to his waist to pull his cock back out. You pop the button and tug the zipper down before pushing your hand inside and pulling his swollen cock out. To help you out a little Harry lifts his hips a bit to pull his pants down a little more. Regaining some control in that moment, you keep your hand wrapped around his shaft and you sink back down onto him. Your panties were still on meaning that all you had was the head of his cock nudging at your clothed entrance. And you kind of liked the little tease that came along with it. You were so close but so far away. “Can you pull ‘em over daddy?” You whisper, as you lightly bounce on him, wanting to feel his swollen head press up against your sticky and covered entrance. 

With no hesitation whatsoever, Harry hooks his finger into the thin strip of fabric in between your legs and pulls it over to the side allowing you to instantly sink down onto his cock. As you sank down onto him, allowing his cock to invade your walls, you dug your nails into his arms through his shirt. Your head was tilted all the way back and your lips were parted, allowing for your moans to freely fall from your lips. The same could be said for Harry. His head was pressed tightly against the headrest as moans and a string of curses left his mouth. He too being unable to hold back. 

Once you’ve taken all of him, you waste no time thrashing yourself up and down on his dick. Both you and Harry were uncontrollably moaning out to each other as you continuously rose and fell in his lap. Every time you fell back onto him you could feel him push deeper into you, only making you want to sink down harder and faster the next time. While you skillfully work his cock, Harry brings his attention to your cleavage. The top four buttons of your dress were already undone exposing a little bit of your cleavage already, but of course, he wanted more. Harry undoes a couple more buttons before pushing the satin material down from your shoulders to expose your chest to him. Without a second thought, Harry pulls you in closer to him and wraps is mouth around one of your breasts, fondling the other in his free hand. When he does this, your moans only intensify. And so does the tingling sensation in your clit. So much so that you start to swivel your hips around in his lap, making sure to dig your clit down against him to create some much needed friction. 

Meanwhile, Harry had his lips pursed around your other very pebbled nipple swirling his tongue around before lightly nipping you, causing a little squeal to leave your mouth. You were feeling so good and based off of the way Harry moaned against you, he too felt beyond good. Your walls were so warm and wet and sticky for him that it was nearly impossible for him not to be in complete bliss. You were so wet that he could feel your juices start to trickle down 

“Getting what you wanted doll?” Harry pants, moving his mouth away from your chest and bringing a hand up to your throat. 

“And more!” You desperately moan, continuing to move on his cock. 

“Good, could’ve swerved into the other lane with the way you were mouthing at me baby.” Harry sighs, tightening his grip on your throat as you keep on thrashing around and digging your clit into him. 

“M’sorry daddy! Just wanted you so much.” You cry out to him through his tight grip and your moans. 

“S’okay doll.” harry hums, using his other hand to pinch your clit. “You may not be the brightest but at least you’re pretty little slut with a perfect little pussy between your legs.” Harry continues on, this time shoving his hips up to meet yours. When he does this, your cries get louder and your hips begin to move faster. You were throwing yourself back and forth on his dick while also pushing against Harry’s hand since he still had your clit pinched between his fingers. While you’re doing all of that, harry is continuing to thrust his hip up to meet yours, making each thrust that much harder.  

As you two continue in your fight for dominance below the waist, you decide to bring your hands down from Harry’s hair to playfully wrap them around his neck, attempting to choke him a little the way he was doing you. When you do this, Harry can’t help but let out chuckle. 

“You really think you can choke me?” Harry says, locking eyes with you.

“Mhm” You utter through shaky breaths from your pleasure, throwing the ball back into his court. Your eyes the then divert from his, the pleasure becoming even more intense by the second. 

And without a second thought, or a second to spare, Harry tightens his grip on your throat. Forcing your eyes to flutter and causing your hands to immediately fall from around his neck. When he sees this, a small smirk rises to his face before substantially loosening his grip on you, allowing you to catch your breath. 

“That’s what I thought.” Harry confidently hums before resting his head back and enjoying your sweet pussy moving back and forth on his dick. 

But while you’re giving every drop of energy you have, Harry feels like you’re not doing enough. So to push you both further along and right to an orgasm, he decides to take charge. In what seems like the blink of an eye, Harry has you on your back against the seat with him towering over your body, not once pulling out of you. And before you can even process the position change, you’re back to being ravished. Only this time it’s Harry doing all of the work and it’s like he’s going it at lightening speed. He’s pushed your legs up so that they’re over the backs of the seats on either side of you and he’s just slamming his dick into you over and over again. And it felt so good. He was hitting all the right spots and he wouldn’t let up. On and on he kept going, sending you both into downward spirals towards your releases. 

What pushed you further along though is what he was doing to your clit. Along with circling his fingers around the sensitive bundle of nerves, Harry was also leaving little slaps to your clit, sending jolt after jolt through your body. With each swat you contracted around him and you’d let out a little whimper from how much more sensitive you were becoming. 

“This little pussy of yours seems to be closing up on me sweets.” Harry grunts, continuing to thrust into you despite you clenching up around him. “Wanna cum f’me?” He asks, knowing your release is getting closer and closer. 

“So bad!” You whine. As you say this, Harry starts circling and swatting at your clit even more. Your hips began to lift up from the seat because of how sensitive you were and how much closer you were to your release. “M’gonna-“ you pant, and before you could even finish the thought, you were already letting go. Your release flooding your body, a complete rush of pleasure taking over.

As you were floating through your release, Harry was on the cusp of joining you. His thrusts became labored and messy as he got closer. And it was almost as if your walls pulled the release right out of him. The way they convulsed around his cock felt like they were milking him for everything he had. And in no time, Harry too was soaring through his release. 

Eventually you two made it back home. It would’ve been sooner but you just had have him right then and there.

Masterlist

[jeyramarie]

Monaco- Tom Holland x Reader

summary: you sort of crash the boys’ trip.

a/n: i got inspo after the pics were posted, i hope this is somewhat good, idk😂 happy reading everyone 🦋

You had never gone to Monaco before which made you very excited when your boyfriend had invited you. It was supposed to be a boys day but you had just got to London a few days from being back home and he wanted to spend every second he could with you. Harrison and Tuwaine were going too since the original plan was a guys trip.

You were all going to the F1 race which started on Saturday. Tom was with the Red Bull team which meant you were gonna get every VIP pass that ever existed. You all arrived on Friday which gave you a whole day to sleep. When you arrived at the hotel the first thing Tom did was flop on the bed.

“Ugh, i’m so tired.” he mumbled against the bed sheets as you chuckled and put the suitcases in a corner.

“I know, that flight was killer.” you groaned as you sat down at the cloud like mattress making you sight in relief. You closed your eyes for a bit as you heard ruffling in the sheets and the bed sinking next to you. When you opened your eyes you saw Tom looking at you with a cute smile, wanting to kiss you. So you placed your hand on his right cheek and gave him a soft kiss. 

“We should get some sleep.” 

“Oh yes we do, but you have to tell the boys. So they don’t walk in or anything.” 

“Right.. I’ll be right back.” Tom groaned as he left the bed and walked next door to see the boys. As he left you got up and got into your pajamas, took you makeup off and went under the sheets. While you where tying your hair Tom walked in and took off his shoes giving you a smile.

“All done, baby. Let’s go to bed.” he said and quickly got ready, then getting into bed with you as he quickly pulled you in for you he’d to rest on his chest. You both drifted off quickly feeling exhausted from the plane ride.

The morning came around rather quickly with you waking up first as usual. You expected to see Tom sound asleep but instead was met with an empty bed. You started to look around and were about to shout his name when he walked around the corner with breakfast.

“Morning, love.”

“Hi, you woke up early.” you chuckled and smiled as he walked closer to you. He put the breakfast at the foot of the bed and jogged to your side immediately putting his hands on your cheeks, pulling you into a sweet kiss. His lips moved softly against yours as you ran your finger tips down his abs.

“You ready for today?” he said getting into bed while eating fruit.

“I am, i’m just not sure what to wear.”

“Well leave the prettiest thing for tonight cause we’re all going to a fancy dinner.” you nodded and continued to eat talking about the day’s plan. Tom got up and got ready first with a pink t-shirt he bought with you, some jeans and random sneakers. You couldn’t stop staring at him cause even in simple clothing he looked hot. You settled for a tight crop tshirt and some baggy ripped jeans with your usual jewelry.

You walked out of the hotel hand in hand with Tom not feeling the need to hide your relationship since no one knew he was in Monaco that weekend. The car ride was pretty short making you grateful that you didn’t have to stay in a car for long. When you all got there, there were people waiting for all of you with VIP passes and wristbands.

The crew guided all of you to the main race track which consisted of walking in front of everyone. You saw so many people that you were gonna release your hand from Tom’s. You don’t know how but he knew you were gonna attempt to do it which made his grip tighter. He looked back at you and smiled while nodding giving you a reassurance. The walk to your box felt long as you saw everyone staring and photographing you. You all finally made it to the VIP room. It had drinks, snacks and a few people chatting over champagne on the sofas.

“Do you want anything, baby?” Tom asked breaking you from your trance.

“No, i’m okay.” you smiled as Harrison and Tuwaine called you both to go look over the railing down at the race.

“Did you see everyone with their phones?” Tuwaine asked being discreet, not wanting other people to hear.

“Yeah i saw them, this is gonna blow up any second.” Harrison said adjusting his watch while look back and forth between you and Tom.

“That’s fine, i don’t care anyway.” Tom said running a hand through his hair while letting go of your hand, leaning against the railing. The boys stared at you and gave you a sympathetic smile as they walked away to get some drinks. You fidgeted with your fingers as you walked towards him. You stood next to him as you rubbed one hand on his bicep making him relax.

“Are you okay? You seemed a bit annoyed back there.” you said softly looking at him waiting for him to make eye contact.

“Just frustrating, you know? We can’t go anywhere without being worried about what people may think if they see us... I’m tired of that.”

“Well we don’t have to hide anymore. You can show me off as much as you want.” you smiled as your hand ran through the hair at the back of his neck. He turned his head and smiled standing up straight pulling you towards him by your waist.

“So i can kiss you in public now?” he asked in a sexy voice making you smirk.

“Yes, you can.” and with that he leaned into a sweet kiss making you place your hands on his jaw. When you parted he chuckled and pecked your forehead turning back to the race.

“Okay guys, ew.” Tuwaine said as he walked closer to the couple. You all laughed and Tom put his arm over your shoulder. He never let go of you for the rest of the race. You all stayed in the box the whole time only leaving it to look around. Tuwaine had scheduled a boat ride for all of you after the race was over. You all walked to the docks being photographed as you made your way to the boat. Tom gripped your hand tighter as the camera’s clicked.

The ride was smooth and pleasant. Filled with jokes and business talk, coming from Tom of course. Harrison and Tuwaine took many pictures for the gram while Tom admired you the whole time. When you were making your way back, the sun was starting to set. Which meant that you had to go back to the hotel to get ready for dinner. You settled for a long summer dress with some wedge heels and your handbag.

When you walked out, putting everything in your purse, your perfume filled the room making Tom look up from his phone. He stared in awe as you stopped walking to close your purse.

“Okay, boys we ready?” you asked and lifted your head to see Tuwaine and Harrison on the sofa and Tom standing up to go to you.

“We’re ready, let’s go.” Harrison said as he stood up and walked out of the room followed by Tuwaine. Tom pulled you towards him by your waist and kissed you softly as your arms went over his shoulders to pull him closer.

“Mmm, you look so good.”

“I do?”

“Yes, you do. We’re gonna have fun when we get back.” he whispered into your ear and walked away leaving you in shock. You walked out of the room and met the guys at the elevator. The ride to the restaurant was filled with sexual tension between you and Tom. You crossed your legs and he immediately put his hand on it to grab and rub and touch. No one commented on it, which was surprising to you.

The place was fancy and decorated with fairy lights which you absolutely loved. You walked hand in hand with Tom as he waved at everyone who recognized him. Suddenly, he pulled out his phone and recorded a very funny story for his instagram. The dinner went smoothly with Tom’s hand never leaving your leg. Tension growing and growing as his hand squeeze your thigh from time to time.

A few hours later, you were all back at the hotel room. You took of your heels letting out a breath of relief as Tom took off his long sleeve turtleneck sweater. You stood up and started taking off your dress when you felt a hot breath hitting your neck. His calloused hands going over your waist to pull you closer.

“What are you doing?” you asked as you turned your head to look at Tom.

“I told you we were gonna have fun.” he mumbled into your shoulder. You turned to him in his arms and kissed him as his hand went to the back of your dress, pulling down the zipper slowly. The kiss turned animalistic as each of your hands explored each other’s bodies. Making that night incredible fun.

[americxn]

Good Boy (Sub!Colin Zabel x Fem!Reader)

requests: 

Could you write sub Colin?? Please??

i think you should write a subby!colin because he would love to be made to beg for his girl

this is short and pretty messy because I’m very tired but I really wanted to post tonight so here it is <3 I’ll probably be writing more sub colin fics because this one isn’t too intense!

wordcount: 2k warnings: NSFW (minors dni), oral, cunnilingus, masturbation, swearing

taglist: @kitwalker02 @forevercountess @kitwalkerangel @milly-louise @thecountessesglove @undeadcortez @kitwalker64 @samsassinparvismagna @xmaximoffic @divineruler @tatesweaterweather @evanmybeloved @ikkleroniekins @ananad1 @shlutnutt @sanni333 @mossybank @tatesimper @sallyscigarettes @copy-of-a-cheeto @whiiiiplaaaaash @colinsbagel @nerdydoesstuff (can’t tag @three-eyed-snail @tatelangdonsupremecist @fictional-men-that-i-stan) (dm to be added or removed <3)

Colin knelt before you beside your shared bed, his eyes wide as he gazed up at you through thick lashes, one of your legs hooked over his shoulder and both of your clothes discarded in messy piles a few feet away. He trailed a hand up the back of your knee to your upper thigh, his fingers closing around the skin in a tight grip as you ran your hand up the back of his neck to the crown of his head, weaving your fingertips into the hair and forcing his head back with a harsh tug. He swallowed, your eyes following the movement of his throat and lips curving into a smirk as even more wetness gathered between the apex of your thighs. 

“Tell me what you want.” You crooned quietly down at him, yanking his head back even further and watching as his eyes flicked from your face to your dripping cunt mere inches in front of his nose, the smell of your arousal doing unspeakable things to his insides. “I want to taste you.” He groaned, the hand he had braced on the back of your thigh tightening its grip. Your smirk only grew as you used the leverage you had on his hair to bring his face closer to your awaiting cunt, watching as his lips parted and his tongue met the air, reaching for your wetness. You forced his head back, taking pleasure in the small groan that broke free from his throat at your denial. You repeated your action, bringing his face closer to you once more but this time directing his mouth up to your exposed mons and watching as he leaned closer of his own accord to lick a hot stripe up the skin before pressing his lips amidst the wet trail in a lingering kiss. Your cunt throbbed at the sight and your patience shattered, leading you to push his head back down again and giving him the verbal prompt of “then taste me”. 

Your head fell back at the first stroke of his tongue through your wetness, the touch to your swollen folds perfectly soft yet persistent. He licked tentatively up and down your labia, his tongue lingering over your entrance in a ghost’s touch. He moaned softly against you when your fingers tightened their grip in his hair, the sound rumbling through your sex and obeying your silent order, licking up to your clit and sucking it into his mouth. You shuddered, the sudden pleasure that his ministrations instilled into you making your thighs quiver briefly before they stilled, relaxing under the sudden attention of his mouth. You loosened your grip on his hair, running the tips of your fingers up and down the back of his head in encouragement; you watched as goosebumps formed along his skin at your pleasant touch, rising onto his shoulders and spilling down the planes of his bare back. You chased after them with the tips of your fingers, raking them down his shoulder blades with enough pressure to leave red marks in the wake of your nails.

Your eyes drifted closed, all of your focus narrowing in on the tongue and lips paying close attention to your pleasure before tangling your fingers into Colin’s short locks once more and pulling, forcing his mouth to disconnect from your clit. He gazed up at you, eyes glazed with arousal, chin and lips gleaming with your juices in the dim light of the bedroom. Leaning down, you captured his lips with your own, groaning at the taste of yourself of his tongue as he compliantly opened for you, whimpering slightly as you forced his head even further back with a firm yank to his hair. Disconnecting your lips from his, you straightened once more, wordlessing pulling his face back to your wetness, much to Colin’s delight, who resumed his feasting, starving to draw as much pleasure from you as possible. “Such a good boy for me.” You crooned with a shiver of pleasure, savouring the breathy groan of excitement that your words pulled from your boyfriend between your legs who began to lap up your liquid arousal with even more fervour. 

Glancing down, you cocked your head to the side slightly, peering around his bent, kneeling form and settling your gaze upon the erection standing proud at the apex of his thighs, the head stained an angry red as it was forced to wait for its own pleasure. “Colin,” you began, tone wavering as he drew a line from your clit to your opening with his tongue and idly circling your entrance. “I want you to get yourself off.” You insisted, tugging on his roots in emphasis. “I want to watch you fuck yourself with your hand whilst eating my cunt.” He moaned onto you in agreement, not hesitating to reach for his erect cock and immediately fisting it in his grip, jerking himself off steadily. An immediate wave of searing pleasure rolled through you at the sight, Colin’s tongue finally prying open your entrance and delving inside only exacerbating the intense sensation. He whined into you, his grip on his cock tightening as your inner walls clenched around his tongue. He held it within you for several more moments, allowing you to savour the feeling of having something within your wetness before withdrawing it and running it back through your folds to your sweet spot, tracing his tongue lightly across its surface in time to the furious journeys his palm made up and down his length. 

Your knee buckled slightly under the weight of the pleasure Colin was abundantly providing you, his grip on the back of your thigh tightening to keep you upright. You released a shuddering exhale, tipping back your head as the familiar glow of pleasure began to form in your gut, each stroke of Colin’s tongue against your heat ripping away a layer of ecstasy, the budding orgasm hidden at its centre his goal. He moaned, your own blissful groan blending with his and floating up into the air. The inner walls of your cunt clenched around nothing but you weren’t in a generous enough mood to grant Colin the pleasure of fucking you and so you forced your eyes to open, glancing down at where he was desperately fucking his hand, shifting on his knees and whimpering into you as his release neared.

“Stop.” You ordered, watching as Colin paused his movements, his tongue stilling on your clit before he forced his fingers to unwrap from his length, his hand falling away from his cock. “I cum first.” You insisted bluntly, the words somewhat lost to the breathiness of your tone as Colin’s tongue resumed its thorough ministrations through his whine of frustration. “Put your hands behind your back.” You demanded gently, running your fingertips across his scalp as he resumed fucking you with his tongue, shifting on his knees to find a comfortable balance before crossing his arms behind him. You cooed a gentle praise down at him before giving yourself over to the sensation of Colin’s tongue lapping and swirling about your clit, your eyes shuttering and a low groan emanating from the back of your throat. You pushed your hips into his mouth, urging him on as your muscles tensed, pleasurable tension growing and growing before its dam was shattered by Colin’s tongue.

You came with a shuddering groan, gripping onto Colin’s hair to ground yourself as your nerves lit up, passing each atom of pleasure through the entirety of your body in a wave of heat, your eyes rolling into the back of your head. Colin licked you eagerly through your orgasm, urging your release to rack your body with more strength, ensuring that every jolt of pleasure was drawn from you before sitting back, gazing up at your through arousal-lidded eyes, your cum gleaming on his lips and chin.

You lifted your head, gazing down at him with a satisfied smile and unhooking your leg from his shoulder. Colin swallowed, never taking his eyes from yours as you knelt before him. Knee to knee, he didn’t dare bring his hands out from behind his back, barely breathing as you reached to run the pad of your thumb along his puffy lower lip, gathering up the sheen of wetness there and bringing it to your own lips, your eyes fluttering closed as you tasted the sweet musk of yourself. Moving your thumb back to his face, you collected more of the cum gathered in the crease of his chin beneath his lower lip and moved it back to his lips. They parted compliantly, allowing you to push your thumb into the warmth of his mouth, his tongue swirling around the pad of your thumb to collect your taste with a contented groan. 

Withdrawing your digit from his mouth, you glanced down at his aching cock, forgotten during the throes of your own pleasure. Colin’s eyes became alight with excitement as you finally deigned to acknowledge his throbbing length, straining to come into contact with anything that would help get him off. “What do you want?” You murmured, sitting back on your heels and watching in satisfaction as Colin stumbled over his desperation fuelled words. “I want t-to cum, please.” The temptation to leave him kneeling on the floor with his hands rendered useless tucked away behind his back was so very strong. But since he had done such a good job of pleasing you…

You told him as such, watching as a small smile curved the corners of his lips at the knowledge that he had pleasured you so thoroughly. “I want to watch.” You finished, reaching to pull at one of his arms, encouraging Colin to remove it from its hiding place and wrap his hand around his cock once more. He immediately began to shamelessly pump himself, his head falling back and his lips parting. “No.” You scolded. “Look at me.” His head jerked to look at you, his eyes opening and finding yours already boring into his own. His cock twitched beneath his hand as he palmed his tip briefly before running his hand in a tight fist down the length of his shaft. Your eyes flicked to the cock connected to his hand, a small bead of pearly precum leaking from the engorged head and running down the slope of angry red skin before it was collected by Colin’s palm and smeared down the length of his shaft. You allowed Colin to repeat this action several times, his movements getting sloppier and his fingers tightening almost imperceptibly around himself. His hips bucked slightly into his fist of their own accord, notifying you that he was dangerously close. 

“Cum, baby.” You prompted, watching in delight as Colin’s eyes immediately rolled, the whites of his eyes bright in the dim light of the room as he came, his cum spilling onto his lower abdomen and slowly running down his skin, the muscles beneath flexing to clench amidst the intense pleasure of his orgasm. Colin moaned loudly into the silence of the room, the sound sweet to your ears as his hand made several more jerking journeys up and down his length before stilling, clenching tightly around the base of his shaft. Reaching for his face, you closed your fingers around his jaw and pulled his lips to yours, pulling him from the throes orgasm with a satisfied hum.  Pulling away, you glanced down at the hand he had wrapped around his shaft, his fingers loosening to fall away from his softening cock. “What are you doing?” You asked softly, eyes alight with cruel intent. “I didn’t say you could stop.” 

[littlemissnoname13]

The life he always wanted (D.M.)

Summary: Draco’s life after the battle of Hogwarts

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x female!reader

A/n: I wrote a multi-chapter a few months ago that never made it on here. This one shot has been pulled out of it and posted as a one shot just like “You and your green apples.” Which was supposed to be a part of that same multi chapter too.

Warnings: angst, Multiple mentions of avada and death so please read at your own discretion. Also please feel free to message me if I need to add any more disclaimers.

Word count: 2100+

The only thing illuminating the dark room was the flickering light from the television. 

Draco thought the muggles had really outdone themselves with that one as he had spent one too many nights in front of the television with a bottle of fire whisky.

Some nights he’d be too wasted to realise he’d been watching static for hours. 

Faint, fuzzy music could be heard all around the room even though the volume was set to a minimum and Draco took this opportunity to waltz you across the living room of your cozy one bedroom home. 

The house wasn’t too big but it was just the way you’d always wanted it to be—big glass windows, hardwood floors and a small spiral staircase leading to the roof. 

“The life we’ve always wanted.” You sighed and placed your head on his chest. “I don’t know what I’d do without you, Draco.” 

One of his hands was placed securely on the small of your back while the other held your hand as you moved together with the music. Your soft, flowy hair bounced as he twirled you in his arms. 

“Oh really?” He smirked and watched you nod your head in response with a sad look in your eyes. 

“Yes really.” 

“Well I’m here now Darling so there’s no need to worry about all that.” He whispered, placing a kiss on the top of your head. “I’m not going anywhere. You know that don’t you?”

“I know Draco.” You whispered and he pulled you closer to him. “I know.”

Draco couldn’t begin to imagine what his life would be life without you in it. 

Shuddering at the dark clouds forming at the top of his blond head, he closed his eyes and inhaled sharply to make the clouds drift away. 

“Don’t you have to be somewhere tomorrow?” You asked tilting your head upwards to look at him. Draco noticed that your eyes brows crinkled a little as you said this—the look of worry somewhat prominent. 

“Oh yes.” He sighed, rolling his eyes at you. “I really wish you didn’t remind me.” 

“But you haven’t met our friends in so long.” 

“Your friends. ”He corrected you curtly. “And it’s only been a few months.” 

Well, it had been more than just a few months but It wasn’t his fault that he’d rather spend all his time with you. 

Draco noticed that you giggled when he said that as if you knew before taking his hand and guiding him towards the bedroom. 

He decided to not utter a single word of protest as he quietly followed you into the bedroom. 

“Come lie with me, Dray.” You whispered as he watched you slip under the covers. You looked so peaceful, so content and the whole moment seemed so fickle like it would fade away if he moved too quickly or blinked too hard. 

He hastily removed his shirt slipping under the covers next to you—his head on your chest as you lazily played with his hair. 

This was everything he’d ever wanted. 

“I love you y/n.” 

“I love you too.” 

~~~~~~~

“Glad you came, Malfoy.” Ginny smiled the best smile she could smile, opening the door to let him in the house.

“Well hello to you too Weaslette.” 

“Come on inside. We were all waiting for you.” Ginny said she led the way towards the living room filled with familiar voices and faces. 

“Potter. Weasel. Granger.” Draco muttered as he gave all three a semi polite nod of acknowledgement. 

“I uh—like your hair.” Harry commented looking at Draco’s unkempt blond hair now growing towards his shoulders. 

Upon hearing Harry, Draco ran his fingers through his hair and fought an urge to say something snarky. 

“So, may I ask why I’ve been summoned here?” Draco finally said as he sat down on an armchair opposite to Harry. 

“We just wanted to see you. You have been gone for a…bit...” Harry replied, clearing his throat. And we thought you might want this.” 

Draco raised his eyebrows suspiciously as Harry stretched out his hand to hand him a sealed envelope. 

“Cup of tea?” Ginny asked. 

~~~~~~~~~ 

As soon as he reached home, he tore his clothes off and jumped into the shower. 

He let the warm water wash away the ache he felt all over his body. There was no tell tale sign indicating the pain was physical or emotional. 

Nonetheless, the warmth of the water helped. 

To some extent. 

After what felt like hours in the shower, he finally stepped outside and wrapped a towel around his torso. 

The bathroom had fogged up and the fog had travelled all the way into the bedroom. 

In an attempt to get the fog to disappear, Draco cracked the surprisingly large bedroom window open and let the crisp night air flow into the room. 

“Someone’s back home early.” He heard you  mock in a sweet singsong voice making the tiniest of smiles appear at his lips as he turned around to face you. 

You were wearing a flowy satin dress and were perched on the top of his desk—dangling your legs. 

He paused to admire and remember every detail about the sight in front of him. 

The way the gust of wind coming from the window blew your hair towards your face. The way that flimsy satin fabric hugged your body. The way the flickering table lamp casted shadows on your features. 

Everything.

“I just couldn’t stay away from you.” He shrugged and watched you chuckle and get down from his desk. 

He patiently waited as you took long strides towards him before finally wrapping your arms around his neck—stretching on the tip of your toes and bringing your face close to his. 

“Open the envelope Draco.” You whispered softly into his ears. 

A flash of lightning lit up the entire room with a blinding white light as the sky roared. 

Draco nodded as he slowly reached for the crumpled envelope he’d left inside his coat pocket.

Taking a long breath, he looked up at you and you gave him an apologetic yet reassuring smile while he ripped the envelope open.

The opened seal of the envelope brought along with it, a familiar scent of cedarwood and vanilla. It was the smell he could smell on his clothes after spending the day with you. 

A small photograph fell out of the envelope.

It was a Polaroid you’d unintentionally taken one summer. Both of you had questionable expressions on your faces because you were both trying to get the Camera to work. 

You were chewing your lip in confusion and his nose was scrunched up; you both were not ready for the photo at all. 

His hands shook violently as sporadic rain drops started to pour down from the window leaving tiny splatters on the worn out photograph.

“Why?” He spat in anger. “Why did you have to throw yourself between me and that killing curse?” 

You smiled an apologetic smile at him once again; you did that a lot. 

“You’ll get drenched Draco—close the window.” You said,  dodging his question completely while you reached towards his hand again.

“Stop dodging my question.” 

“It hadn’t rained for a while.” You said making him heave a sigh and look up at the night sky.

One rain drop and become two and two had become three.

Draco took a wobbly step towards you and fruitlessly wiped the drops of rain that were falling on your cheeks. 

“And now it’s raining.” He pointed out with his voice shaky. 

“Excellent observation, my love.” 

The way you said it, the nonchalance in your voice made him furious. You were gone but he had to wake up every single day in a world where you no longer existed. 

In a stupor of grief, he grabbed you by the wrist and pulled you towards him. “Don’t you see?— even the sky is grieving the loss of what could have been! The life we could have lived!” 

“I like to think it’s the universe washing away the hurt and pain.” You whispered, staring deeply into his steely eyes. “You’ll see. It’s going to be a beautiful morning tomorrow. I can feel it.” 

“Why y/n? Why didn't you let me die instead?—you are gone and what am I left with? A worn out photograph of you?!” 

“Draco—”

“Every damned day, I feel further and further away from you.” He began sobbing. “The smell of your perfume is fading from my sweater, I cannot picture the way you used to laugh anymore—for the love of Merlin! I don’t even remember what life was like when you were with me y/n. It all seems so far away..so distant.”

“You have to let me go, Draco.” You whispered as you pressed your forehead to his. 

He physically felt the pain of his breaking heart all over his body. The sharp pain brought back all the trauma he had suppressed over the last few months. 

“No…No. No. No—Please don’t leave again.” He pleaded as angry tears started to roll down his cheeks. “Please. I—I don’t think I can handle it.” 

“You’ll see me again. I swear.” You said softly as he began to laugh an ominous kind of laugh, knowing deep down that you weren’t even there in front of him to begin with.

Everything was all in his head. 

Twenty seven months.

He’d been talking to the voice in his head for twenty seven whole months while the world moved on without him. 

“When? When will I see you again? In another life? Merlin!” Draco said in between his hysterical laughter. 

“Maybe.” The figment of his imagination whispered caressing the side of his face till he calmed down. “Maybe in another life I won’t find myself having to jump in between you and the killing curse.” 

Draco gave you a disapproving glare before he leaned down to find your rain soaked lips. 

With his index finger and thumb holding your chin up, Draco kissed you gently while his own tears and the acidic grey rain continued trickle down his face. 

It took him every ounce of strength he had left but he nodded like he was saying his final goodbye and took a step back— releasing you from his embrace and releasing him from his grief. 

You slowly turned on your heel and walked towards the door. 

“I’ll be waiting for you Draco.” 

He closed his eyes because he wasn’t ready to see you leave. 

So after what felt like centuries, Draco slowly opened his eyes. 

He was all alone. 

~~~~🍂🍁🍂~~~~

Autumn. 

It could be seen in the rustling trees and the gust of wind that made the amber colored leaves that were once bright green fall down onto a winding pathway beneath trees. 

A young woman strided along the winding path. Clicking her heels. Head tilted upwards, taking in the pinkish purple sky in all of its glory. 

A few books were tucked underneath her arm and a cloth bag loosely hung on her left shoulder. 

She was so occupied by the pleasant weather and whatever thoughts were circling her head, that she didn’t even realise that she had collided with somebody.

“Sorry. I’m so sorry.” 

She apologised profusely before she knelt down on the ground to collect the books she’d dropped. 

The stranger hummed in response and helped her gather the contents that had fallen out of her book bag. 

An oddly familiar smell tickled her senses. It was the smell of cologne and fresh mint. 

The smell of the cologne was so foreign to her. It was like nothing she’d ever smelled before and yet, she found herself feeling awfully comforted by it.

The smell sent her into a state of déjà vu. 

She looked up through her lashes and saw a boy with steely grey eyes making an eerie sense of familiarity washed all over her body. 

“I’m sorry, have we met before?” 

The boy blinked a few times before cracking a small smile. “I think we’re in the same Art history class. Judging by where you’re headed.” 

“Right.” She nodded as they slowly walked down the path together. “Don’t mind me. It’s just.. it’s just that you seem oddly familiar to me.” 

He shoved his hands into his pocket as they quietly walked next to each other. The silence wasn’t an awkward one. 

Not for him at least. 

It felt almost as if they’d always been walking together for years—in another timeline, in another life.

It all felt habitual. 

“Tell you what? He finally said looking down at the girl he’d just met. “How about we get coffee after class and discuss this further. You seem oddly familiar to me too.” 

“I’d like that.”

Her eyes pierced a million daggers into his heart.

“I’d like that a lot.” 

-------------------------------------

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Love you all,

Vi

[bcdwhcre]

hiiii love!!!!! your levi stories give me life, and are the highlight of my day when you post. i have a pretty “detailed”suggestion. basically, levi’s s/o of a while wants to start doing ~sTuff~, and wants to start to give him head. he is kinda surprised, but happy about it. as his s/o doing their thing, they accidentally go a little too deep, and start choking, and coughing up a LOT. they feel really insecure afterwards, and run away, and feels like they also “looked weird” doing it. levi assures them that it’s ok, and then they give him head again, and he is so proud. sorry if this sounds weird. i love you soooo much, pls and thank you if you see this!!!!!!!! <3

“First Experiences,” Levi x Reader

Summary: being insecure when giving Levi head

Warnings: pls this whole thing would most likely be real smutty, beware

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.

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You and Levi have been together for some time, little less than a year. You’ll admit he still makes you extremely nervous to the point where every decision you make, you get insecure and scared because you didn’t want to lose him or have him leave you.

It was always in the back of your mind and you couldn’t help but think about him actually finding someone better and leaving you behind but he has tried to reassure you plenty of times that you were the one for him.

He had made sure to take things slow with you, wanting to take his time and not wanting to pressure you into anything you didn’t want to do. It had actually taken you some months to get intimate with each other and it’s only happened a handful of times, only because you couldn’t help but feel insecure.

But as time went on, you have tried to suck up your pride and insecurities, swallowing them down your throat and boost some sense of confidence. You wanted to treat Levi and make him feel special, especially when he came back home from a expedition he went on.

You made sure to make his favorite dinner before he arrived, sitting down across from him and let him talk about his trip outside of the walls and you listened, not interrupting him.

After you both finished dinner, you ran him a bath to somewhat ease the lingering tension he had built up in his muscles.

“Come in with me,” He mumbled, making your cheeks heat up as he sat in the bath tub and looked up at you with puppy eyes.

You hesitated but started to slowly take off your clothes, slipping in the tub and instantly his arms were around yours and pulled you close to his body. A hum had escaped his lips while peppering gentle kisses along your shoulder blade and up to your neck.

In that moment an idea had popped into your head, you wanted him completely relaxed and satisfied. You wanted the stress of his work to leave the house you both shared and stay out of it, you hated the amount of times he’s come home to you exshaunted and completely drained, it broke your heart.

And while his lips had worked wonders on your neck, making your teeth sink into your bottom lip. The nerves you felt wanting to tell him about the idea you had but you were absolutely terrified of what his reaction will be.

You finally turned your head to look up at him, his eyes meeting yours and he placed a quick soft kiss to your lips, moving his hand up to grab a hold of your chin.

“I... I want to do something for you.” You managed to stutter out and his eyebrows raised as he grew curious.

“Like what?” His voice was low but gentle, his fingertips brushing along your skin to move up and brush strands of your hair back.

You remained quiet, not knowing how to word it but also feeling all your anxiety weighing down on your throat, making it hard for you to even try to speak up. You were embarrassed at the thought of it but you loved him more than anything and you wanted him to feel good.

His eyes stayed on yours, searching through them like he was trying to read your mind but his predictions were coming up empty, he couldn’t really figure you out and that’s what made him a bit uneasy of what you wanted to do.

“Don’t be shy.” He encouraged you to speak up, making your cheeks turn a light shade of red as you laughed nervously.

“Sorry, uh, I don’t know how to word it.” You started to say and he nodded, letting you collect your thoughts and remained patient with you.

“Um, I know how stressful things have been and I just want to make you feel good.”

“You always make me feel good when I come home.” He mumbled, not really catching on to what you were trying to say and you huffed.

“No, I want to... give... you a blowjob.” You carefully said, making his eyes grow a bit wide as his eyebrows raised again.

“Oh?” He simply said, not expecting that to be what you were trying to say. He was shocked you were confident enough to even say it at all.

“I mean, if you don’t want,”

“I do.” He cut you off, not trying to shut down your offer and plus, thinking about it- it could relieve some stress he had on his shoulders.

As he thought about it more, he’s always liked the image of you on your knees but he was nice enough to never push you or pressure you to do anything with him. He wanted to take his time and make sure you were happy and confident above all.

You simply nodded, laughing to yourself as you leaned over to press a kiss to his lips, moving them in sync for just a moment before pulling away. Levi had stared up at you, full of love and admiration as you got out of the tub and wrapped yourself up in a towel.

As the both of you were in the bedroom you shared, you slipped on one of Levi’s t-shirts and watched him settled on the bed while drying his hair with a towel. The idea you brought up had almost completely slipped out of his head, only because he didn’t expect you to do it right away and he didn’t want to bring it up, nor pressure you. He wanted you to do it on your own time.

But you had told yourself that it wouldn’t be so bad, he’s your boyfriend, it’s normal, it’s going to happen eventually and you wanted him to feel better, to feel good without having to do all the work like he usually did, even though he had told you plenty of times that he didn’t mind, he loved pleasuring you.

You swallowed the lump in your throat, watching his head tilt down as he ruffled his hair with the towel and you bottled up the courage to walk over, moving yourself to straddle his lap which took him off guard a bit. His eyes meeting yours and his hands finding their way to your hips before you smashed yours lips on his.

All the worries you had replaying in your mind, you tried to swipe them away and remain calm and focused on Levi. You didn’t want to ruin this or have your anxiety ruin it, that would just kill you deep down and have you convinced that he’ll leave you for being this problematic.

When his lips moved with yours, it had made you snap back to reality and you gently pushed his chest down so he was laying back on the mattress while keeping your lips on his. He didn’t want to take control from you but he somewhat pushed himself to slip his tongue inside of your mouth, brushing it along yours and it made your stomach swarm with butterflies.

You kept the main objective on the top of your head, this was for him, not for you. After pulling back from his mouth, you peppered soft kisses along the skin on his neck, knowing not to leave any marks or else he’ll complain about it in the morning when he has to go to work. Instead you left the bruises on his chest and collarbone, teasingly biting down on his skin and you could hear his breath hitching in his throat.

One of his hands had moved to settle on the back of your head, tangling his fingers in your wet hair and you had taken in another deep breath, lifting your hips up enough to grab the towel wrapped around his torso and ripped it off of him. All while your soft hands had trailed down his naked body, your eyes connecting with his and you could easily tell just how excited he was even though he tried to keep that plain look on his face.

You sat up on his lap, Levi rising up to press his lips back on yours and you gently cupped his cheeks to move your lips with his. You tried to reassure yourself repeatedly in your head and as you grinded your hips down into his, hearing the soft moan escape his mouth- it somewhat boosted your confidence.

It had made you confident enough to pull back and slip off his lap, settling on your knees on the floor in front of his while he sat at the edge of the bed. Another lump had formed at your throat, you didn’t want to stare but you couldn’t really help it, it was right in front of you.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to, Y/N.” He said, his fingertips brushing along your jawline and settling on holding your chin to point your head up towards him.

“I do, just shut up and let me do it.” You teased, making him raise his eyebrows and nod his head.

Finally you had pushed the endless thoughts away, trying to boost yourself up and let yourself know it wouldn’t be so bad. This was for Levi, this was for him.

His eyes had noticed your hesitation or maybe your confusion so he had grabbed your hand and wrapped it around his length firmly, trying to somewhat ease your mind and show you it isn’t as hard as you think it is. He had held your hand, gliding it up and down a few times but when he had hummed in pleasure, it had only encouraged you to hear more.

You moved his hand away, bringing your hand up to your mouth and spit down into it before wrapping it back around his shaft and easily pumping him slowly at first, just to somewhat tease him and see his reactions as his face stirred up in pleasure.

Now, this is the hard part, actually giving the blow job. You were terrified and you really didn’t want to screw this up, the embarrassment would absolutely kill you if something were to happen.

You held in your breath before pushing yourself to move forward between his legs, one of your hands grabbing his thigh for support and finally you had wrapped your lips around just his tip, not wanting to completely push yourself over your limits.

You swirled your tongue around the head, pumping the rest that wasn’t in your mouth and his head had hung down to look at you through his hooded eyes, his hand gripping onto your hair and a breath had erupted from his throat.

It wasn’t long till you started to get more confident, wanting to hear more of his pretty moans and tried to take more of him inside of his mouth and out of habit, he had somewhat moved his hips up to meet your mouth which only shocked you but also instantly made you gag around him.

It took you by surprise, pulling him out of your mouth to catch your breath and to hold yourself back from coughing uncontrollably but quite a few slipped out and it made you overthink the situation all at once. Your eyes had met up with his, tears building up from gagging and also mixed in with embarrassment that lingered there.

“I’m sorry, Lev,” You started to say, taking a deep breath but it was hard to remain calm and not completely freak yourself out.

“Why are you apologizing?”

He looked at you worried but you had gotten on your feet and quickly walked outside of the bedroom, the overwhelming anxiety had weighed down on your shoulders again as you sat on the couch and tried to collect your thoughts. You couldn’t help but feel insecure again, did you do it wrong? You felt like you did and you felt like you looked completely ugly while doing so.

He was quick to get off the bed to put on a pair of boxers and follow after you. He knew how you get when your mind is set on something and how upset you get when you overthink things. His feet stepped on the wooden floors down the hall of your shared little house. The living room was dark, the small lit candle helped him see that you were on the couch.

When he sat down, he got a better look of your face and seen a few tears streaming down your cheeks. That had made him a bit worried as he grabbed a hold of your chin and made you meet his gaze.

“Hey hey, what’s the matter? Why are you crying?”

“Just don’t feel like I’m doing this right, I’m sorry, I wanted this to be about you and,” Levi shushed you, shaking his head repeatedly.

“Enough of that, you did perfectly fine. The choking? Completely normal and it made you look hot.” You sniffled as he tried to assure you that everything was done right.

You still had thoughts in the back of your head, the nerves telling you otherwise but the genuine look on his face had made you think a little differently as his thumbs swiped your tears away.

“I know this was your first time but, you did everything right. I promise, I love you, okay? Let’s just go to bed.” He gave you a smile smile, grabbing a hold of your hand and gently tugged you to get up.

The thoughts still lingered there but guilt was clouding your judgment and it made you feel bad for failing to make Levi feel good, to ease the tension off his shoulders and it made you feel bad. You followed him back to the bedroom, looking at his bare back in the dark hallway and you huffed out a breath.

The both of you finally settled in bed, his arms were wrapped around your small frame and as you both sat there in silence, you had wanted to try again. The embarrassment you felt, you wanted it gone and you convinced yourself that you shouldn’t feel humiliated with Levi. Your eyes moved up to look at him, his eyes closed and his fingertips tracing shape on your back.

“I want to try again.” You mumbled, watching his eyes open and meet yours, a look of a surprise on his face.

“Don’t feel pressured to do anything you don’t want to.”

“I don’t feel pressured, I just want to please you, Lev.”

“You don’t have to do much to please me.” He smirked at you, making you roll your eyes and a soft laugh left his lips.

“Shut up.” You scoffed, rolling over to straddle his waist and leaned down to hug onto his body, the warmth of his skin made you hum softly.

Your lips curled up in a smile, moving to plant kisses on his neck and this time you had decided to leave a bruise just below his jawline, making him grunt in response. You were starting to get a bit more cocky now, knowing the bruise will piss him off in the morning but you didn’t care all that much.

The sudden confidence made you push yourself further before it disappears again and you didn’t want that to happen so you were quick to reach your hand to slide down his body and went to palm him through the thin material of his boxers, teasing him as more of his groans filled the air.

You glanced up at his face, watching his head pressed back against the pillow while stands of his messy hair laid out on his scrunched up forehead, it made your heart flutter knowing you were doing this to him.

You started to move down, settling between his legs again and pulled his boxers down, watching his length spring up and the nerves hit you, making you worry but you didn’t want to show any hint of doubt or weakness to Levi, you wanted to keep the streak of him feeling pleasured.

So, you pushed yourself to grab onto his shaft again, not wasting anymore time to wrap your mouth around his head and instantly his fingers had tangled in your hair, feeling your warm tongue swirl around his tip which sent him over the edge.

“That’s my girl.”

The sudden praise that left his lips made your knees weak, your eyes moving up to connect with his and the confident smirk on his face had only encouraged you to keep going, taking more of him inside of your mouth.

It wasn’t long till you were gagging around him again, making your eyes water and he gently held your head and guided you to bob your head at a reasonable pace at first.

“Fuck, you look so beautiful with your mouth wrapped around me like that.” He couldn’t hold back the compliments he had in his head, his eyes trained on you and admiring just how perfect you were to him.

The butterflies flying around in your stomach had made you want to pull back and take him completely but this was for him only, you couldn’t care less about your own pleasure- this was pleasing enough to you.

You continued to bob your head, using your small hand to pump the rest of his length that couldn’t fit inside your mouth and he had gently bucked his hips up, wanting to thrust into your throat but he let you have the control- just this time.

“Just like that, right there.” His moans were music to your ears, the way he threw his head back against the pillows and the way his fingers were tugging at your hair- you were in awe at the sight.

Your movements had gotten more confident and fast, watching the pleasure on his face as he tried to hold himself back to not instantly cum down your throat just by the sight of you. He couldn’t handle how perfect you looked, how you were all his, it was mind blowing to him.

And now your lips and your warm mouth working wonders on him had made him feel like he was dreaming. The pleasure building inside the pit of his stomach as he turned his head to look at you, he wanted to watch everything.

You could tell he was somewhat close because he was starting to release more moans than before and if only made you to try to go faster, taking all of him down your throat and gagging around him.

He could feel everything and the way your throat perfectly hugged around his length, it made him cum right down your throat and your name slipped passed his lips in a long moan, watching you collect all of his juices and swallow it up.

“You’re perfect.” He said, breathless and that made your cheeks heat up as you wiped your mouth with the back of your hand.

Before you could open your mouth to say anything, his lips crashed on yours. The both of you sat there kissing, he could taste himself on your tongue but he didn’t care, he was in complete awe with you. It only turned him on even more.

“We’re not finished yet.” He mumbled against your mouth and suddenly he had you pinned down on the mattress, continuing to kiss you.

“I’m going to absolutely destroy you tonight.”

.

.

.

This is super long, if there’s mistakes, pls I’m sorry. I’ve been writing this shit for threeeee days

• Main Masterlist •

• AOT Masterlist •

[lovely-ateez]

Broken Strings~

ꕥPosted: 7/20/21

ꕥGenre: Fluff, Angst, Smut, College!au, Rockstar!au

ꕥPairing: Fem!Reader x Rockstar!Yunho

ꕥWord Count: 10k+

ꕥWarnings (please read all!!): Yunho’s ex is an absolute asshat, death threats towards both Yunho and reader, mention of knives used as weapons, San is a bisexual king (happy late pride month), unprotected pool sex/public sex (no one is around but I guess it still counts), masturbation (f), foul language, mentions of alcohol intake, reader is mentioned to have dark brown eyes several times which you can just ignore if you have different colored eyes ofc, mentions of a restraining order against an ex, please let me know if I missed something!!

ꕥTag List: @cappujinho @bobateastay @nevieatiny 

ꕥA/N: The song lyrics are ones that I wrote myself specifically for this au and I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t nervous about posting it. I know there isn’t any tune or anything, but hopefully it sounds like a real song someone might sing. Also I’m not writing angst for a while after this holy shit I’ve been crying too much over this I’m emotional okay

“Date night! Date night! Date night!” I grabbed my boyfriend’s arm, bouncing on my toes.

Yunho raised a hand to cover his ear, scrunching his face, “Babe, I love you, but I think you’ve deafened me.”

I pouted at his tone and crossed my arms, “You’re such a grump.”

“Oh whatever.” He smiled, “You ready?”

I smiled at him and nodded.

Ever since his band, Sidekick Heart, began to pick up traction, he had less free time and our full-day dates once a week soon became date nights every few weeks. Most of his time was spent writing songs, producing them, and practicing endlessly. The fact that he had a tour coming up soon just meant he had even less spare time. I was happy for him, of course, but I couldn’t hide my disappointment that he was leaving.

In middle school, he and three of his friends formed a band for fun, which they kept with all throughout high school. They got good, really good and almost right after they graduated they were signed by a label. Now, three years later, they’d already released two albums and one EP and earned enough money to make a living, which was why Yunho dropped out of college a month ago. Since he had steady career path, he saw no reason to continue and decided to focus on music. He still visited me at college whenever he got the chance, but his visits were becoming more and more sporadic.

We started dating freshman year of college. We had our difficulties as most couples do, but everyday I thanked the stars for pairing us together. I met him on the first day of French class, a day I know I could never forget, no matter how how our future played out.

I sat my backpack on the table in front of me, looking around the empty classroom. I was ten minutes early, so I wasn’t surprised about the lack of students. It was a bit unlikely for me to be so early, but I wasn’t able to sleep the night before and so I had extra time to get ready. With nothing else to do, I took out my phone, reading some missed text messages.

I heard the door open and my head tilted upwards, meeting eyes with a fluffy-haired brunet. He shyly smiled at me and I returned the gesture. The man took a seat in the front row across from me, only a few chairs in between us. I found it cute that he liked to sit in the front of the classroom, too. Very few people did. He turned away from me to place his backpack on the floor and take out a few books. I took the opportunity to look at him. He was attractive, for sure. His short sleeved solid black shirt followed his movements, tattoos peaking through his top. The shirt itself tucked was into ripped jeans, his black shoes matching the outfit, along with various accoutrements. His look was uncommon for college students, most just wore sweatpants with with a casual shirt. I thanked myself for dressing nice that day.

I tilted my head to get a better look at his side profile. He was so handsome that I seemed to forget I was staring. I couldn’t help but get caught up in him, not realizing that I was no longer being subtle.

He spoke without moving to face me, “You’re pretty cute, too.”

“I-I what?” My eyes widened, realizing I’d been caught.

He turned, a charming smile on his face, “You aren’t exactly discreet.”

I took a breath, trying to form a coherent sentence, “Well...can you blame me?”

He pursed his lips, trying to hide a smile, “I appreciate the compliment. What’s your name?”

I hesitated before answering him, which brought a full smile to his face. He moved closer to me before holding out his hand for me to shake. I grabbed his hand and shook it, trying to keep my hands steady. His hand was soft, clearly he took care of himself.

“I’m Yunho.”

I smiled, observing the way he lit up as he turned my hand, placing a delicate kiss on my skin. I felt my face heat up and averted my eyes. Yunho chuckled as he released my hand. Both of us looked up at the sound of the door opening, a group of students entered, followed by a lady who I presumed to be the teacher.

Yunho looked at me, “Meet me after class?”

I nodded, biting my lip as I felt excitement build in my stomach, wanting nothing more than for class to end as soon as possible.

The instant the teacher ended her lecture she left with the rest of the students, who were talking among themselves. My eyes flickered to Yunho to find him looking back at me, his backpack now thrown over his shoulders.

“You have any classes after this?” He asked in a nonchalant manner. Later he confessed to me that he was far more nervous than he appeared, claiming that he fell in love with me at first sight.

I finished placing my notebook in my bag, zipping it up and putting the straps over my arms, “Yeah, unfortunately. I’ve got World Politics in ten minutes.” 

“Aww damn. I was hoping we could grab some food.” He reached into his pants’ pocket, pulling out his phone, “Maybe I could get your number instead and we could meet up later?” He wasn’t pushy or demanding, simply asking.

I nodded quickly, “I’d like that, Yunho.”

He suddenly became more shy, the tips of his ears dusting a beautiful shade of pink, “I like the way you say my name.”

I giggled, trying to hide my own shyness. I took his phone and entered my number, really hoping that he would text me. As if he read my mind, he confirmed what I was thinking.

“I’ll text you,” He looked at me with sparkling eyes before shaking his head, like he was pulled back to reality, “Oh uh...you should probably get to class.“ He raised a hand, somewhat awkwardly scratching the back of his head.

“Yeah I probably should. I’ll see you around?”

He smiled, “I’ll see ya.”

-

It wasn’t long before he texted me, and it made my heart flutter that he kept his word. A day later we met up, grabbing ice cream and getting to know each other. He was a dance major and had to practically beg his parents to let him pursue dance. In return they said he had to repay them with getting straight A’s. He had one younger brother who was possibly the biggest baseball fan to ever exist, he roomed with three men he’d been friends with since kindergarten, and he absolutely adored my brown eyes.

“They’re just beautiful.” Yunho gushed, “Both times I’ve seen you they just sparkle and shine like they’ve got their own little galaxies in them. I’ve never seen anyone with such genuine, kind eyes.”

I let out a girly laugh at the compliment and covered my mouth with a hand, “You’re really trying to flatter me, aren’t you?”

“Depends. Is it working?” He laughed as he propped his head on one of his hands, leaning closer to me in the booth we were sitting in. We’d finished our ice cream long ago, now shamelessly flirting and getting lost in each other.

“It might be.”

“Well I do mean it. I’m not only trying to flatter you.”

The ringing of his phone caught our attention. He smiled apologetically and reached for the device. He sighed, reading the contact name and looking back up at me.

“I’m sorry I’ve gotta take this. It’s one of my roommates and it’s entirely possible they’ve set the house on fire.”

I laughed, “It’s okay, go ahead.”

Yunho excused himself as he answered the call, walking outside. I took a look around the shop we were in, smiling at all the decorations when I noticed a woman sitting alone, eating ice cream and staring at me. Her eyes were such an ice blue that they made her intimidating, to say the least. I wasn’t too surprised, I’d dressed nice and all throughout the day I’d been getting looks. Taking it as a compliment I smiled at her and waited for Yunho to return.

“So good news,” He started as he sat back down in the booth, running a hand through his hair, which was way more attractive than it should’ve been, “They haven’t burnt down the apartment, but San—he’s one of my roommates—his car ran out of gas a few miles away from here so I’ve gotta go help him. Can I drive you back to your own apartment first?”

“Oh no, I don’t want to worry you.” I waved a hand, “I can have a friend pick me up.”

He nodded, “If you’re more comfortable with that, sure, but I’d rather drive you home, if that’s okay.”

I nodded, walking with him as he guided me out to his car. We had our first kiss when he dropped me off, leaving me with the promise of another date, and he delivered. Time and time again he proved he truly cared about me, which inevitably led to a relationship.

We heard a loud crashing in the basement of the house and Yunho let out a frustrated groan, “Oh god it’s happening again.”

He walked over to the basement door, opening it and sighing at the loud yells emitting from below.

“What is it this time?” Yunho shouted.

Wooyoung’s voice rung out, “San won’t let me use the controller!”

The man in front of me placed a hand over his eyes, over the situation entirely, “You’re still fighting over that game?”

“Crash Bandicoot waits for no man!”

“San let him have the controller or I’ll come down there and I’ll beat both of your asses!” Yunho shut the door, giving me a tired smile and walking back to me, “You’d think we would’ve outgrown this stage by now. I’d fire them both and hire a new bassist and drummer if I could.”

“Okay that’s an absolute lie, and you say that like you’re any better. I saw you arguing with Seonghwa over the last bag of chips yesterday.”

He pointed a finger at me, not trying to hide the smile on his face, “Okay that was absolutely valid. I bought those and they were mine.”

I smirked. “My point still stands.”

He rolled his eyes playfully, changing the subject, “How about after our date I sing you a couple of our new songs?” He leaned closer, his lips barely grazing my ear, “I wrote a few about you.”

I pulled back from him, feeling warmth spread in my chest. “Really? You did?”

Yunho wrapped an arm around my waist, “How could I not? You’re always my inspiration.”

I let out a string of incoherent gibberish which prompted the most adorable eye smiles from my boyfriend. I felt too honored to put my emotions into words.

“Go on.” Yunho motioned to the front door, “Grab your purse and head out to my car. I’ll let the guys know we’re going and I’ll meet you outside.”

I gave him a salute, “You got it cap’n!”

His eyes warmed, “God, I love you.”

“I know!” I teased before I grabbed my purse and skipped out of the house. The sun would be setting soon and I admired the several hues that were painted within the sky. I sat on the hood of his car, swinging my feet as I saw him walk out of the house.

“So where exactly are we going?” I tilted my head, looking forward to his response.

“Well I’ve got a couple ideas.” He held up his long fingers and counted off on them, “We could go bowling, or we could have a late night picnic, or maybe...” He moved closer, placing his hands on either side of me with a mischievous grin, “We could go swimming.”

My face lit up, “I haven’t been swimming in forever!”

“I know, that’s why I recommended it.” He laughed, “Let’s break into the swimming pool downtown. It’s definitely closed by now so we can be alone.”

I raised my brows at his words, a smile widening on my face, “Don’t we need to bring swimsuits, though?”

Yunho grinned at me and moved a hand to ruffle my hair, “Nope. We’re going without ‘em.” He lifted me off his car, “Hop in, babe.”

-

We approached the fence with our hands interlocked, a new message greeting us. A red and black sign with the words ‘No Trespassing’ was attached haphazardly to one of the metal wires looped through the fence surrounding the pool.

Yunho tsked, “Aw that’s cute. Like that’s gonna keep us out. This is basically our pool anyways.” 

I laughed, both of us knowing full well there was no method of security beyond the sign and fence. The pool had never installed security cameras and after word spread that the owner had a fear of advancing technology, we had no worry of being caught.

He cupped his hands, holding them out for me to step on. I placed my foot on his hands as he lifted me up, helping me scale the fence. I stepped back, feeling a thrill as Yunho jumped over. It was probably the fourth or fifth time we’d done this, but each time was just as exciting. We walked over to the edge of the pool, its light blue water and the dark blue of the sunset opposing one another but making a beautiful visual.

“Alright, off we go.” Yunho’s fingers danced to the hem of my shirt, then pulling it off and ridding me of the layer of clothing. He pressed several kisses to the exposed skin, making me shiver.

Yunho then pulled back from me, slowly removing his shirt and giving me a teasing look when he caught me staring at his abs, “I look good, don’t I?”

“Shut up,” I laughed, lightly slapping his strong, tattooed arm before removing my skirt, enjoying the way my boyfriend’s eyes devoured me. I returned the action when I saw him remove his jeans, something he was clearly enjoying as well.

I turned back to the pool only to be thrown over Yunho’s shoulders. He let out a string of laughs as I struggled to get down, fearing that he would throw me into the water.

“If you throw me into the pool I’ll kill you!” I laughed, squirming on his shoulders.

“No...I would never do something like that.” I wasn’t even facing him, but I could hear the smile in his voice, which was my only indication that he was about to throw me into pool.

Before I could try to make any sort of escape, he tossed me into the water. It was cold, but less cold than I expected it to be. I coughed up a bit of water as I resurfaced and when I opened my eyes I squinted at Yunho, annoyed at how attractive he looked with the evil smirk on his face.

“You’re a jerk.” I said with no venom behind my words.

“Yeah, yeah. Brace yourself I’m coming in.”

I barely had time to move before he jumped in, his legs tucked to his chest. “Cannonball!”

I moved my hands in front of my face to block the wave of water coming my way, not feeling any surprise about my boyfriend’s childish behavior. When he resurfaced he faced me with a smile, wading towards me, embracing me in his arms, and wrapping my legs around his waist. He was so tall that he could reach the bottom of the pool without having to swim, unlike me, where I was no near reaching the bottom and needed to swim in place. With a satisfied hum he pressed several wet kisses to my neck.

“I love you,” he mumbled, his voice muffled by my skin.

“I love you too, babe.” I hesitated before I said my next words, still overwhelmed at how strong my feelings were for him, “You’re the love of my life.”

He pulled back with a bright smile on his face, his eyes shining almost as if he was tearing up, “I knew you were the love of my life the moment I saw you. And you’re all mine.” Yunho said before he placed a delicate kiss to my lips.

“All yours, babe.”

His long fingers danced along my sides, grabbing at my hips as he began to attack my chest with kisses. I giggled as the feeling of his stubble tickled my skin.

“You know, you really ‘oughta shave before you get a full beard.”

“Why? Are you saying I wouldn’t look good with one?”

I cupped his face, “You’d look amazing with one, but I thought you didn’t like beards, babe?”

“Hate ‘em.” Yunho’s laugh echoed around us, “Really weird that men can grow them in the first place. But anyways...”

His hands made quick work of my bra, letting it sink to the bottom of the pool. I opened my mouth to scold him but before I could his mouth latched to my right nipple, sucking and nipping on it in a way that made my hands seek out his hair and tug harshly at his locks. Letting out a growl, Yunho placed one hand on the the pool wall for balance and the other on my back, drawing abstract shapes there.

Yunho moved to my other nipple, giving it the same treatment and smiling when he heard my moans. In a flash he removed his hand from my back and pressed me against the pool wall, his hand now traveling to my panties.

As he removed the final item of clothing he ran a finger over my clit, giggling to himself. I gave him a look and he clarified, “Babe, you’re wet enough to fill an entire swimming pool.”

I groaned, pressing my head into his chest, “You make that same god awful joke every time we come here.”

“And as such I couldn’t let tradition die.”

“Shut up and fuck me.” I laughed, promptly helping him out of his boxers.

He continued to tease me after, switching between playing with my clit and stretching me out with his long fingers. By the time he finally gave in, I was a whimpering, pathetic mess, begging for more.

As he aligned with my walls he looked at me with delicate eyes, “Ready, little flower?”

I nodded quickly, chanting ‘yes’ over and over. Yunho once again placed a hand on the wall and hooked one of my legs over his waist, allowing him to thrust deeper inside me. He held my hand with his free one, a simple action that always melted my heart. Despite how long we’d been together, I would always get overwhelmed by him so easily. Everything about him exuded such a strong aura that sometimes just the smallest kiss would leave me breathless. The first time we were intimate he took his hand in mine and assured me he would be gentle, and every time since he’s held my hand. It wouldn’t feel right without our hands together.

“Shit—it’s been way too long since we’ve done this.” I said as he snapped his hips into mine, quickly repeating the action.

“God I know.” He let out a pained groan at the thought of it, “Four months is gonna be fucking awful without you.”

“Guess we’ll have to make do with what we’ve got now.”

“Guess we will.”

The sounds of water splashing and the echos of our moans, a symphony I had become so familiar with, was gradually reaching its crescendo. It was getting harder to keep my eyes open but I forced them to be, needed to memorize everything about this moment. The sweat dripping down Yunho’s forehead, the tattooed muscles he was flexing, the sounds and praise he was emitting, and pleasure we were both feeling--I wouldn’t see nor feel this for the next four months.

A particular snap of his hips had me seeing stars and I called out to him, letting him know I was close. Within minutes, both of us were panting and reeling from our highs. Yunho pressed his nose against mine and both of us closed our eyes, enjoying each other’s presence.

“How come every time we come here it ends in sex?” I giggled.

He blinked and moved a strand of wet hair out of my face, “Because you’re hot and barely wearing any clothes and no one’s around.”

I blushed at his compliment, “I mean like I’m not complaining or anything.”

A cocky smile formed on Yunho’s face, “Well it certainly didn’t sound like you were a moment ago.”

“Yunho!”

The man laughed, lifting me up and spinning me around in the pool before cradling me in his arms.

“I hate to say it, but we do need to head back. The world awaits for us, I’m afraid.”

I sighed, pressing into his chest, “I’m gonna miss you.”

He stilled as he pulled me closer, “I’m gonna miss you, too. You don’t have to miss me yet, though.”

“I know.” I swallowed, wishing I had something more to say.

“Come on, then.” Yunho gave me a quick kiss, “Let’s head back.”

-

Yunho held the front door open for me, giving me a gentle slap on my ass when I walked through. I turned around and gave him a playfully annoyed look, which he only laughed at.

As we walked towards the living room, the sound of a random sitcom filled our ears. Six heads turned our way after hearing our footsteps. Seonghwa was resting his head against his long-time girlfriend. She was a sweet girl and complimented him more than any woman I’d seen him with. They really were soulmates, if they ever existed.

San was sitting holding hands with a man he’d been interested in for awhile. I’d often see him flirting with various men and women, but he never went any further than that, too afraid of commitment. This man; however, seemed to breaking through San’s walls. I really hoped they would work out, San deserved someone as kind as him.

Wooyoung sat across from the them, who acknowledged us first.

“Hey guys. Have fun?” Wooyoung asked, smiling at my soaked hair. He had his arm around a woman I’d never seen before and I was certain that none of us would ever see her again. He had the reputation of a playboy, and every poor woman thought they’d be the one exception, the one to make him stay. I’m sure the allure of being a drummer in a band was part of his appeal, too. Maybe one day, like San, he’d settle down.

The woman became visibly upset when Wooyoung looked me with a teasing glance. Feeling sympathy for her, I decided to do my best to calm her nerves.

I spoke for us, linking hands with my boyfriend. “Yeah, we did. I think we’re gonna go clean up though.” I looked at the woman, “I’m y/n, by the way. I’m Yunho’s girlfriend.”

She didn’t even try to hide the relief on her face. “Oh! I’m Solar. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Yeah,” Wooyoung started, “Best girlfriend he’s ever had. Much better for him than Lucy.”

Yunho glared at the man, “Thought we agreed not to bring her up?”

Lucy, the woman Yunho dated before me, was arguably the scariest person I’d ever heard about. They dated for roughly three months before she became obsessive, to the point where Yunho had to get a restraining order against her. She threatened to hurt all of Yunho’s friends and family, all because she wanted Yunho all to herself. That was about all Yunho ever told me about her. Not that I complained. I didn’t exactly want to discuss his exes, even more so when they were that crazy.

I never told him, but I knew I saw her the first date we went on. I could see the way her piercing, ice eyes saw through me. I had no doubt it was her. I just hope I’d never see her again. Maybe now that she saw he was taken she’d leave us alone. There was an uncomfortable silence following, none of us knowing what to say until San spoke.

“You look like a wet dog, Yunho.” San joked, prompting laughter from a few of us, which seemed like more of a noise of relief rather than one of actual humor.

“Yeah, yeah.” My boyfriend relaxed his shoulders, “I think we’re gonna head in for the night so don’t make too much noise.” Waving them goodbye he caught up with me, placing a hand around my waist.

“Shower with me, doll.”

I placed a hand on his chest, “I would love to.”

-

I came out of the shower wearing my favorite large shirt of Yunho’s, drying my wet hair with a towel. The smell of chlorine had gone away for the most part; whatever chemicals the owner put in that pool always made the smell harder to get rid of. Only a small price to pay, I figured.

My boyfriend, who was much quicker than I was, looked up from his phone as he was splayed out across his bed. His tired eyes smiled at me while motioning me over. Yunho’s own hair was still drying and with his bare face and crooked smile, he was as handsome as he could ever be.

“Hey there.”

“Hey, sweetheart.” He reached an arm out to me, pulling me against him when I took his hand, “How ya feeling?”

“Tired.” I hummed, sleepily smiling against his neck.

“Too tired to listen to the song I wrote for you?”

“No! Not at all.”

Yunho chuckled, slowly brushing my hair aside and turning his head to look at me. As he had countless times, he took a breath before he turned to me, beginning to sing.

“You give me fireworks

I’ll give you the kindest words, my dear

Your love caught me

The moment I met your eyes

And how could I not fall?

Your heart bared, no disguise”

I fought to stay awake although his melodic voice seemed to be lulling me to sleep. I felt myself losing consciousness, but managed to catch the last few lyrics he sang to me.

“Now I sunbathe in the daybreak

Half asleep, half awake

Writing this song

As I hope I’ll dream of you”

Yunho brushed his fingertips brush against my face before he spoke, “Goodnight, flower.”

I muttered some form of a “goodnight” before I felt sleep take over me, nuzzling happily against my boyfriend.

-

I woke up in a panic, unsure why my heart was beating so fast until I looked at the clock. Eleven in the morning. I was an hour later than I should’ve been at my job. It seemed that even unconscious my body knew I was late.

“Oh shit I’m gonna be late for work!” I spoke with wide eyes.

Jumping from Yunho’s bed I stripped myself of his shirt and quickly threw my clothes on. The body that laid beside me stirred, moving the covers aside.

“Are you leaving?” He asked sleepily, his face puffy from sleep and an adorable pout on his lips.

I frowned, “Yeah. I’m sorry we didn’t get to spend more time together, babe.”

He shook his head, “Don’t worry about it. Both of us slept in.”

I tied my hair back, sighing. I was so caught up in my thoughts I almost missed Yunho’s question.

“Sorry what was that?”

He smiled, “You’re coming to our going away party tomorrow, right?”

“Of course. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” I moved back to the bed and hugged him, feeling my heart sink. I was proud of him, I really was, yet couldn’t help but feel sad that I wouldn’t see him for so long.

This was the longest tour they’d ever gone on and we’d never been apart from each other that long before. I trusted him and I was confident in our relationship, but realistically, all members of Sidekick Heart were attractive young men and a good portion of their fans were female. I was far more concerned about the female audience doing something than I was about Yunho making a move on another woman.

With one last squeeze of his shoulders I pulled back, goodbyes beginning to fall from my lips before Yunho pulled me back.

“I need a goodbye kiss.”

I pressed my lips together with a smile, gladly indulging him. Giving him one last kiss against the lips, I bid him farewell until the following day.

-

“So how was work?” My roommate asked as I walked in the house, propping her feet up on our couch and tossing a kernel of corn into her mouth, the lighting of the TV illuminating her blanket-covered body.

I sighed, sitting down on the floor next to her, “Other than being an hour and a half late and missing an important meeting I think it went okay. I’m just glad the day’s over.” Rubbing a hand over my face I turned to her, “What about you? How was your day?”

“Pretty damn good actually.” She smiled, removing the blanket and showing me the new ink on her upper arm. It was an assortment of flowers and matched her bubbly personality perfectly. They were now the fifth adornment on her beautiful dark skin, each one of them tempting me more and more to get a few of my own.

“Another one already, Tiff?”

“Listen, you’ll know how addicting they get as soon as you get your first.”

“You sound so confident that I will.”

“Oh I know you will. You’re dating a rockstar, after all. Not to mention he’s the goddamn lead singer and has tattoos of his own.”

“Shut up.” I giggled, “Speaking of, are you coming to the farewell party tomorrow?”

“I plan on it, but I’ll probably be there a couple hours late. My dad’s flying into town for the weekend so I plan on visiting first. I’m definitely coming though.”

I hummed, “Yeah, don’t worry too much about it. We all know it’ll go till sunrise anyway.”

She let out a loud laugh, likely remembering the last party of theirs we went to where she ended up more drunk than I’d ever seen her. She claims she remembers flashes of the night; playing strip beer pong and being dared to steal one of the neighbor’s bushes—which, after much convincing from those who were sober, she decided against it—but didn’t recall half of the hilarious memories of her the rest of us did. Personally, my favorite was watching her hold a tomato soup can and cry over the fact that it could never have children.

Tiff let out a yawn as she stretched her arms above her head, turning in my direction. Her words were muffled by her yawn as she spoke, “Imma go to bed now. You good before I go?”

I smiled at her, “Yeah I’m good. I won’t stay up too much longer, just need to go through my nightly routine of looking at the stars, ya know, the usual.”

She nodded, wrapping the blanket around her and heading to her bedroom, “Sleep well, babe. I’ll see ya tomorrow.”

“Back at ya.”

It was a habit of mine, gazing at the night sky before sleeping. It gave me comfort knowing that out there, somewhere, there was something else out there with me. Almost like I wasn’t going through everything alone.

I set my purse down when I reached our kitchen, reaching for a tea pot and tea bags, brainlessly brewing my favorite tea as I thought of what Yunho might be doing right now. It was probably most likely that he was practicing for their tours, but I could only hope he was getting a little bit of rest.

I stepped out onto our porch to look at the stars with a cup of tea in my hands, the night sky twinkling with all the stars it could offer. A slight breeze rustled my hair and I closed my eyes, thankful for the pleasant weather. I heard a sudden snap of a branch and my eyes quickly opened as I searched out property for any sign of an aggressive animal. My eyes finally landed on a human-like figure. Feeling adrenaline run though me, I decided to confront whoever or whatever it was.

“Who are you? What are you doing here?” I spoke, my voice loud but not quite a yell.

The figure took off it’s hood to show their face, and I saw a familiar pair of ice blue eyes, though I hadn’t seen them in years, “I’m here to see you, of course.”

My brain quickly connected her to the woman I hoped I’d never see again.

Lucy.

“Well I don’t want to see you. Leave.”

She pressed a hand to her chest, feigning offense, “But I came all this way! Just to...say hello.”

I took a step towards her, hoping that if I appeared confrontational she would leave me alone. “I don’t know who you are, now please leave. I’m not going to say it again.”

“Oh, you poor girl. You really think you have the upper hand?” She pulled out a knife, and walked towards me at impressive speed, pointing the weapon at my throat. “I know you’ve been seeing Yunho. I. Don’t. Like. That.” She emphasized every word of the last sentence, anger woven within her voice.

I wanted to fight back. Everything in me was screaming to fight back, but I knew I had no chance. I had no idea what she was capable of, and I didn’t dare to find out.

“I dated him first and he’s still mine. You’re going to break up with him, you hear me?” She screamed in my ear, the sound shaking me to my core, “I never want to see you near him again.” She grabbed my jaw harshly, forcing my eyes to lock with hers. “I bet he doesn’t even love you.”

My eyes watered. I knew she was wrong, but with the adrenaline coursing through my veins and the harshness of her words I began to doubt myself.

Her grip tightened and I let out a yelp, “He loves me and I love him. He’s always loved me, not you. Why would he ever love a thing like you?”

She then threw me to the ground, towering over me, “Break up with him. Make him hate you. If you don’t,” She squatted down next to me, once more pointing the knife at my throat, “I’ll kill him myself and make you watch. Then,” She cocked her head, a crazed smile plastered on her face, “I’ll kill you. If I can’t have him, no one can.” She stood, smirking at me, “And you know I will.”

She kicked me in the stomach, watching as I crawled into myself, groaning from the pain. I closed my eyes, hoping she wouldn’t hurt me any more than she already had.

“I’ll be watching you at the party tomorrow. Do it then. Break his heart. I’ll kill him then and there if you don’t.” She looked down at me and scoffed, “And I’ll be bringing friends to make sure the job gets done.”

I carefully opened my eyes to see her stepping over me, walking back into the darkness from which she came. I scrambled back into my house, hyperventilating from the interaction I just had.

I spent the night crying, not able to sleep even for a minute. I tried to think rationally, but there were just too many variables. How many ‘friends’ was she bringing? Would she really kill Yunho in front of everyone? Where would she be watching me from? Is she watching me now?

I could text or call Yunho to let him know, but where would we go from there? He’d want to meet me and she’d kill him instantly. Right?

“Maybe I could pull him aside at the party and warn him?” I murmured to myself, “No, she could probably see that. Maybe there’s people actually at the party who are looking out for us, too.” I covered my face with my hands and fell back into my pillows, weeping as I knew I had to break up with the love of my life.

-

Choosing to wear a yellow dress honestly couldn’t have been more ironic. Yellow was supposed to be a happy color. A color of hope and yearning, innocence and warm days full of laughter. It was the complete antithesis of how I felt and what I knew I had to do. Even worse, the weather was perfect. It was sunny, but not so much to make it unbearable outside. Everything about today made my insides twist.

I took a breath at the door of Yunho’s house, bracing myself for what I had to do. Knocking a few times I heard a commotion inside before the man I came to see opened the door. His smile had never been bigger.

“Baby!” He cheered, pulling me into a bear hug and ruffling my styled hair, “I’m so excited you’re here!”

He looks so ecstatic. And I have to break him.

The thought crushed me and brought tears to my eyes, but I couldn’t let him die. I knew she was serious, I didn’t doubt that for a moment. I grabbed Yunho’s arm, pulling him outside and away from everyone in the house.

I looked at the ground as I felt my lips begin to quiver, “I’m sorry. I just need to get this over with.”

Yunho bent down to meet my eyes, “Hey, hey. What’s going on sweetheart?” His voice was gentle, one of his hands coming to rub the tears from my face, “I’m here for you, whatever it is.”

I looked down, unable to look him in the eyes. I hated myself more than I’d ever hated anyone. “I don’t love you, Yunho.” My hands began to shake beyond my control, my own body knowing I was making a mistake.

“W-what?” Yunho’s voice cracked. A moment of silence passed before he let out a hollow laugh, “Baby, you don’t mean that-”

I looked up at him and immediately wished I hadn’t. Tears were welling in his eyes, his own hands beginning to shake.

“I said I don’t love you Yunho!” I said louder than I intended, “Not anymore. I don’t want to be with you. I’m sorry.”

He took a step back and I noticed his hands clenching, something he always did to keep himself from crying.

“If that’s what you want,” Tears fell from his eyes before he finished his sentence, “Then I’ll support your decision.” He looked to the side, not knowing what else to say.

I wanted nothing more than to throw myself in his arms and explain everything, tell him that I’ve never stopped loving him, not even for a second, but I couldn’t. Instead, I wiped away my tears with the back of my hand and looked at him one last time. He was so fucking handsome, so goddamn kind, and here I was doing this to him. Maybe he did deserve someone better.

“Good luck with your tour, Yunho. I know you’ll be fantastic.”

I turned and walked away from him quickly, leaving the house and ignoring the stare I could feel on me. I ran across the yard to my car, starting the engine and leaning my head against the steering wheel. I felt myself lose all oxygen in my body, the only option left to take large gasps of air. My vision was so clouded by tears I couldn’t even see anymore. I’d just lost myself along with my other half. I’d never felt as empty as I did in that moment.

Just then I heard a knocking on my window. I half-hardheartedly lifted my head and felt my heart lurch. Yunho was standing outside my car, eyes red and puffy, looking at me like I was the last person he’d ever see. I opened my car without thinking, my breathing still as uneven as before.

Yunho spoke, his voice coarse and distant, “I’m not asking you to change your mind, but I need you to know that I have always loved you and I always will. That will never change.”

I wiped the snot from my nose but didn’t bother to try and fix the mascara I knew was streaming down my face. I knew I had to look horrible, but he still held so much love for me that it was easy to see in his eyes. I fought myself to not reply, knowing that if I’d open my mouth all I’d say was ‘I love you’ over and over again.

“Is it too out of line to ask for a last hug?” He smiled sadly as more tears poured from his eyes.

I shook my head, running into his arms and embracing him. I felt like I made a mistake the moment I did because I could smell him. He was wearing the cologne I bought him for his birthday. His warm, sturdy chest...everything about him felt like home.

“Goodbye, Yunho.”

-

I arrived at home alone, tears still stinging my eyes. Tiff was nowhere to be found and I couldn’t decide if I was thankful or sad for the fact that she wasn’t there. I barely made it out to our porch before collapsing once again, finding it harder and harder to breathe. I didn’t know how long I was sitting there, it could’ve been one hour or three, but given the setting sun it looked like it was the latter. Once more I heard a noise outside our home, and once more the female figure appeared before me.

“You did good,” Lucy said, twirling her knife in her hands, “Dare I say I’m proud of you.”

“I don’t ever want to see you here again.” I cried, “I did what you want now get the fuck away from me.”

“My, my. You have quite the mouth on you, don’t you?” She tsked, “But you did as I asked, so I might as well comply. Don’t; however, think that you can go crawling back to Yunho and tell him about this. I’ll keep watching you and if you decide to do just that...I’ll follow through with my promise.”

I kept my eyes on the ground, convinced that if I looked up at her I’d attempt to rip the hair out of her head. No anger I had ever felt before could surmount to the rage I was feeling.

“Nonetheless, it was a pleasure doing business with you, miss.”

As soon as she came, she was gone. When I finally let myself look up, I could no longer see her, only darkness. Once again, I was alone.

-

Six months had passed since I broke up with Yunho and today officially made the third new date I’d went on. All of them were absolutely horrible. It wasn’t even that the guys were mean or rude or weren’t attractive, they just weren’t him.

Why am I even trying to move on?

I looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes looked heavy, the bags under my eyes ever prominent. I couldn’t fool myself. I’d never be able to be with another man again. I forced myself to hold back tears and reached back to untie my hair, preparing to take a bath in hopes that it would take my mind off of things.

I began to run the warm water as I reached for several candles, lighting them and placing them around the room, trying to forget the entire day altogether. As I waited for the tub to fill I grabbed my phone, opening Instagram for no other reason than to have something to do. Although Yunho and I broke up, I still followed their band account, as well as their individual accounts. Seonghwa, San, and Wooyoung were still my friends, after all. Yunho was the only exception. Both of us unfollowed each other early on just because it was too painful. I didn’t hold it against him and hoped he didn’t hold it against me either.

Regardless, my eyes found the most recent post on Sidekick Heart’s account. All four members were shirtless, their hair dripping wet with goofy smiles plastered on their faces. They were standing by a pool, the same one Yunho and I would often break into. I noticed Yunho first, how could I not? His smile wasn’t as wide as the other’s, his eyes a bit colder, but he looked happy all the same. He looked good. Really, really good. He was always fit while we were dating, but he gained more muscle since I last saw him and it didn’t go unnoticed by their fans, either. I clicked the comment section against my better judgement, knowing what I was going to see before I even did so.

“Yunho looks like a fucking goddd”

“So Yunho’s still single right??”

“Yunhooo hmu I beg you”

“Jesus Christ Yunho break me please”

A surge of jealousy rushed through me. I hated when girls said those things when we were together, but now that we were apart it made it even worse. I had no right to be jealous, and that was the worst part.

The water reached my leg that was resting on the side of the tub and I scrambled to turn off the faucet. Doing my best to push the images from my mind I placed my phone aside and stripped from my clothes, settling in the water. I sighed as some water fell out of the side of the tub. It wasn’t a terrible thing to happen, but it seemed to just be another thing to go wrong.

My eyes wandered back to my phone, Instagram still open and the picture I was looking at earlier still on display. He was so fucking hot and seeing that he was standing next to that pool—our pool—made my brain short circuit. I couldn’t stop my thoughts from taking me back to the last night we broke in, the way we teased each other and how it inevitably led to sex. It seemed I had no control over my body as my dominant hand slipped between my legs.

But as much as I wanted it to be, it wasn’t the same. My fingers weren’t as long or slender as his and just nothing about our touches were the same, but the image of him just made my hormones rage. Every ounce of me craved him.

My fingers swirled around my clit, a bundle of pleasure shooting through me at the action. I closed my eyes, letting my body take over and repeat the motions and much as I fought not to, my brain kept replaying scenes of two of us again, and again, and again.

“Such a good girl, aren’t you?” Yunho spoke as I sunk down on his dick, barely finding the energy to lift myself up again even though the noises he made were like shots of espresso.

“Aww, is my baby getting tired?” He cooed, jerking his hips into mine.

“It’s not fair!” I whined, “I’m not good at this and you know it.”

“But we wouldn’t be a good couple if we didn’t encourage each other to work hard, right? Up you go, flower.”

I whimpered and pouted, but still obeyed him. Taking pity on me, Yunho grabbed my waist and lifted me, relaxing his grip as I moved downward. I made a noise that wasn’t understood by Yunho, but it didn’t go unnoticed.

“What was that?”

“Please. More. I need you so bad.” I begged.

Yunho laughed, “I really do have you wrapped around my finger, don’t I?”

I nodded before remembering that he’d probably prefer a verbal answer, “Yes. I’m w-wrapped around your finger.”

He let out a noise of satisfaction before flipping us over into a position so that he would have full control. I grabbed the bedsheets roughly, so much in my own world that I didn’t hear Yunho’s words.

“What was that?” I let out with a series of mewls.

“You’ve got me wrapped around your finger, too, you know? I don’t go an hour without thinking about you anymore. I can’t even have a single conversation without bringing you up. Anytime someone says your name my heart beats out of my damn chest. You’re the only woman for me.”

My legs shook as my high approached, barely able to breathe at it’s intensity. It took me a minute before I could even remember where I was. As I came to my senses, I felt tears biting at my eyes and this time I didn’t bother to hold them back. I watched as they streamed down my face and joined the now-cold water surrounding me. I brought my hands up to cover my eyes, glad Tiff wasn’t home to hear my wailing. She’d been good about staying with me since the breakup, but tonight she just wasn’t here. The hole in my heart felt even deeper now. I wondered if he found someone, if he was happy now. Hell, maybe it was his ex. The thought tore my heart out and ripped it in two. I wanted to be happy for him if it was true, but I just couldn’t be. I was still too selfish. I still wanted him to love only me.

-

 New friends, new beginnings or whatever.

That’s apparently what I thought when I began attending more clubs at college after the breakup, meeting new people and eventually finding a really solid friend group. All who happened to really like punk-rock music.

“You should really go with us,” Shang directed his words at me, “There’s a new band popping up that’s playing this weekend. It’s three hours away but they have great music.” 

I sighed, not fully convinced although it did sound fun. The last concert I’d been to was one of Yunho’s and though I hadn’t even seen him in what felt like forever, I still couldn’t help myself from thinking of him anytime someone talked about concerts. Sensing my apprehension, the woman beside me spoke up.

“Road trip! Road trip! Road trip!” Tyra chanted in my ear, her black curls bouncing with her as she clapped her hands between the words. “Come on, it would be so much fun and you know it.”

I bit my lip, deep in thought. I knew I would have fun but I just didn’t know if that would outweigh the pain I would feel.

“What’s the band name?” I asked, looking at Shang.

“Honestly?” He scratched the back of his head, “I was a little drunk when I told one of my friends I’d be there so I don’t even remember what they’re called.”

“How do you know they have great music, then?” I laughed, Tyra agreeing with me, apparently not knowing who was playing when she agreed either.

“I mean, my brother listens to their music and he’s got good music taste so they’ve gotta be good.”

I closed my eyes as I felt an oncoming headache, knowing they wouldn’t accept no as an answer. “Fuck it.” I stated, “I’ll go.”

The two cheered, Shang promising that I’d enjoy myself. I doubted it, truthfully, but really it was decided that I’d go the moment the pair brought the idea up to me.

-

Our trio waded through the giant crowd as the doors opened to let us into the venue. It was big, one of the larger concerts I’ve been to. Whoever we were seeing was successful, for sure. The volume at which everyone was speaking was essentially a yell, so I had to do just that to get my messages through.

“I still can’t believe we have no fucking idea who’s playing!” I yelled at Shang.

He laughed, “I got seats towards the front row, though! I didn’t even have to pay for them!”

“That’s not gonna matter if we don’t know any of the lyrics, you dipshit!” Tyra barked.

“Okay okay I should’ve asked, I get that now.”

As we found our way towards the seats, there was a big projector with the words ‘Sidekick Heart’ displayed across it. My heart dropped and I suddenly felt it become hard to breathe.

“You got us tickets to a Sidekick Heart concert?” Tyra beamed, “I love their music and I’m practically in love with San! His vocals are insane! Holy shit, Shang!”

“Ohhhh yeah I remember now.” He chuckled.

I seemed to fade into the background as the two of them discussed their love for the band and the members. All I could think about was seeing Yunho again.

Would he see me? How would he react if he does?...Does he hate me?

I only came back to reality when the audience began to cheer and I saw all the members step onto stage. Seonghwa cradled his electric guitar, in one arm, waving at the audience with the other. Wooyoung plopped down behind the drum set, smiling at the audience while twirling a drumstick. With his bass guitar, San, ever the king of expressions, gave his best smoulder to the audience and it seemed like the audience collectively screamed over him. Then came Yunho out to center stage, his electric guitar in his hands and a smirk on his face as if he knew everyone in the damn building wanted to fuck him. And he’d be right. The spotlights on each of them made them look like actual gods. If I didn’t know them personally I would have thought they were.

Yunho leaned into the mic, his gruff voice taking me by surprise, “Hello everyone! Great to see you all! If you haven’t been to one of our concerts before this is how it’s gonna work: You’re gonna dance, we’re gonna sing, we’re all gonna have a fucking great time tonight!”

The crowd erupted as the first song began to play. It was one of their more popular songs and for good reason. All over it was a really well put together song and I couldn’t help as I began to mouth along to the words. Song after song played, some I knew some I didn’t, and the entire time I couldn’t look away from the man singing. He radiated confidence and looked relaxed as if he’d been performing for decades. I knew he wasn’t as cool as he seemed, I’d given him so many pep talks before performances I couldn’t count them, but as an outsider you’d never know.

I wonder who talked him up this time?

“Alright everyone. This is the last song of the night and-”

The audience booed, everyone upset at the night coming to a close.

Yunho laughed. The sound was rich and beautiful. He was truly enjoying himself. This is what he was meant to do, with or without me. I closed my eyes, willing myself not to cry.

Yunho’s voice filled my ears. “I know, I know. I’d love to stay a bit longer, too. Here’s the thing though...” He paused and I opened my eyes only to see him looking back at me. His eyes automatically softened as they always did when he saw me, but as if he remembered how we ended his gaze hardened slightly, like he was trying to distance himself. It felt like we’d been looking at each other for hours before he opened his mouth to speak again, but I knew very well that my perception of time had been off for a while.

“Even if we only have this little time left, I’ve truly enjoyed the time we’ve spent together. The fact that it’s coming to an end soon is what makes it so special, I think.” Yunho broke eye contact with me, smiling slightly and glancing back out at the sea of people. “Seeing your smiling faces, your energetic cheers—all of it—is a reminder to me that we’re so lucky to be doing this as a job. Really...I love you all.”

The audience let out a chorus of ‘awws’ which was followed by several rather aggressive ‘I love you too’s.

The lead singer once more smiled, “Now, without further adieu, this is one of our newest songs and it’s called Brown Eyes, here it is.”

The music began to play, all instruments coming together to make a somber tune. Somehow they were always able to write music that perfectly encapsulated emotions or ideas. This one? Loss.

“Since you left you’re still so infused

In how I think and what I do

Can’t seem to get you to leave me alone

Your ghost stayed here and she watches my tears

That run down our picture frames”

Then he found me again in the crowd, no doubt able to see the tears staining my makeup, no doubt able to see how broken I was. And still, he sang.

“I’ve tried hard to fight it

Yet I keep givin’ in

There’s been no one but you

I’m trapped, confined

And your platinum smile still knocks me out

Every single time”

He kept eye contact with me, not once breaking his gaze. It was almost as if he wanted me to break first, as if he wanted me to look away before him. As if he was daring me to leave him again.

San stepped closer to his mic and took his eyes away from his bass guitar, Yunho’s voice being replaced by the purple-haired man. As his voice rang out I only could’ve hoped the next lyrics were about one of San ex’s, not me. Even if they weren’t, Yunho still looked at me.

“It’s not aimed at me 

Maybe it never was

But oh darling, you could’ve fooled me”

My eyes flickered down, unable to look at Yunho any longer. His gaze only broke my heart further and in turn I felt my eyes water. After a moment or two, I worked up the courage to look back at him. He was still looking at me like he never moved his eyes. I couldn’t seem to register the lyrics until Yunho began to sing again, his voice drawing me in as it always did.

“You've disappeared without a trace

Left an unsuspecting guise

Love, I need you to know

I’ve been losing far more than sleep

Over those deep chocolate eyes.”

As the song and the show ended and everyone in the crowd cheered, I felt a rush of emotions run through me. Thrilled that they’d become so successful, proud of them for putting on such an amazing show, and hurt because I could still see a sliver of sadness in Yunho’s eyes.

I hurt him.

Yunho then reluctantly said his goodbyes to the audience along with the rest of the members. His jaw tightened as he walked over to Wooyoung, whispering something in his ear before walking off stage. Feeling like I was set in a trance, I grabbed my Tyra’s arm and mumbled something about going to the bathroom before following him. I completely ignored her questions and concerns about where I was going, dead set on talking to him again even though I didn’t have a damn idea what I was going to say.

Somehow, through the giant maze of people, I was able to spot Yunho leaving through the backstage. Instinctively I ran towards him, still having no plan in mind. I only stopped when a purple-headed man appeared before me.

“Y/n!” He smiled, bringing me into a hug, “I missed you so much!” He pulled back from me, “We all did.”

Seonghwa and Wooyoung came from behind me, both wearing sad, kind smiles. They looked healthy and happy, which was all I could’ve asked for them.

“How’ve you been, girl?” Seonghwa cocked his head, genuinely curious.

I hesitated, not sure if I should tell them the truth. But at the end of the day, they were still my friends. “Not...great. If I’m being honest. I was kinda hoping I could talk to Yunho...if I could.”

They all shared a look I couldn’t understand.

Wooyoung spoke up, “We’re having a party at a friend’s house after this, you should come.”

I was surprised, still not fully understanding the situation.

San frowned, “I think it would be good for you two to talk. He didn’t tell us too much about what happened, but I’m sure you had a good reason. You were always so good to all of us.”

“I can text you the address if you’d like,” Wooyoung added, “You still have the same number?”

I nodded.

“Okay, good. We need to get back but we’ll see you there. Take care, okay?”

“I will. Thanks guys.”

San pulled me in for another hug, “Of course.”

They waved as we parted ways and for the first time that night, I felt hopeful. I spotted Shang and Tyra and ran up to them, no doubt a smile on my face as I asked, “Soo...you guys up for a party?”

-

I ditched my friends the moment we arrived, barely even sparing a word with Seonghwa, San, and Wooyoung once they nudged me in the direction of Yunho. I didn’t try to think too much about it, knowing I’d explain it all to them later.

He was standing in an empty bedroom, looking at the floor and sipping out of a red cup which likely contained liquor. When his eyes met mine a rush of memories flooded back to me. The first time we kissed, the first time he confessed he loved me, the first time he saw me cry.

The first time I broke his heart.

His eyes raised to mine, his face stoic, “Enjoy the show?”

My mouth opened and closed, not having any clue what to say to him, “Yunho I-”

“I know why you did it.” He said suddenly, “A week after you left me Lucy showed up to one of our shows and tried to convince me it was all a coincidence. Said that I could finally be with her. When I didn’t buy it she finally gave in and told me she convinced you we were better apart. So naturally I called the cops and they arrested her for breaking the restraining order, thank god.” He shook his head, looking disgusted, “You know I never wanted us to be apart. My question to you,” he took a step further towards me, “is why did you do it? Why did you end us?”

When I couldn’t seem to respond he talked once more, “You could’ve told me what she was trying to do. We could’ve worked it out together.” He looked more disappointed and heartbroken rather than angry.

He doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve any of this.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Yunho.” I bit my tongue as I fought back tears, “I’m not asking for you to forgive me. I-I’m just-” I sobbed, “Lucy told me she would kill you if I kept dating you.”

Yunho’s mouth shut and eyes widened, clearly missing that bit of information. I took it as my cue to continue “I don’t know why she did it, but it’s probably because we were happy.”

More tears fell down my face and it became harder for me to talk, but I owed him the truth. I had to tell him the truth. I looked up at him but because of my tears my vision was blurred. Yunho’s hands were tightening into fists as he looked away from me.

“I couldn’t tell you because I had to protect you so I had to make you hate me and I’m just so sorry.” I fell to the ground, my body feeling as heavy as my heart.

I felt a warm hand on my shoulder and I brought my eyes to meet his own, “I’m sorry.” A tear streamed down his cheek, heavy remorse in his eyes, “God she’s fucking awful.”

A laugh got caught in my throat, “Yeah she is.”

He set his cup down somewhere along the way a his hands cupped my face, finally whispering the words I’d only heard in dreams, “I still love you so fucking much. I never stopped loving you. I never even tried to stop because I know I couldn’t.”

I jumped into his arms and kissed him hard, unintentionally knocking him to the floor. He met my lips with just as much fire, groaning when I unconsciously bucked my hips into his, all my sexual frustration still pent up.

“I missed you so fucking much.” Yunho growled, obviously feeling needy too but deciding against it as he wrapped his arms around my waist, speaking in between kisses, “I missed your cute laugh. I missed your lips. I missed your fucking awful jokes. I missed the way you’d look at me whenever you told me you loved me. I missed your gorgeous body and your smile. I missed your moans and the way you arched your back when we’d have sex. I missed how alive you made me feel.” He pulled back to look at me, “My life had no purpose without you.”

I took a breath, tears once more falling, “Mine didn’t either.” It wasn’t anything profound or emotional, but it was the truth. It didn’t.

Gently picking me up, he placed me on the bed. His eyes were raw, as emotional as they could ever be. Taking my hands in his, he looked at me as if I would disappear at any minute.

“Stay with me. Come with us on the rest of the tour. If you can’t take a vacation we’ll hire you as an assistant. If you can’t do that we’ll make some other kind of accommodation. Just stay, please. Please be mine again.”

I looked at the man in front of me. The tough-looking, six-foot tall, tattooed, strong man that could probably scare the shit out of anyone. Yet here he was, bearing his heart to me and being as vulnerable as a person could be.

I smiled, feeling my heart swell. “I’ve only ever been yours.”

-

The morning was bright, lighting directly hitting my eyes. I cursed myself for not closing the blinds the night before and blinked off my sleep when I heard a familiar pleasant sound.

Jumping down from the bed I put on the new fluffy bathrobe my lover bought me. I followed Yunho’s voice out to my porch, realizing I was listening to a new song of his. The man was strumming a guitar, a beautiful melody falling from his lips. When he noticed me, he smiled and continued to sing.

“I’m in a vivid yellow mood

You’re my muse, my home and room

And now that I have you again

What could I ever fear?

Oh do me a favor, dear

And inscribe your name on my sleeve

Let me keep it there forever

Because you’re better than any daydream.”