#this post just turned into a defense of the middle ages lmao

[primordialgod]

;;headcanon

She has spent countless years visiting versions Europe during late antiquity and medieval times. Because of that, she doesn't really speak/think/act like someone raised in the 21st century anymore.

A few examples:

She tends to use older words. She slips into the older forms of most languages without meaning to or noticing most of the time.

She hates packaged foods, foods with lots of preservatives, anything from a can, all sodas, etc. It literally makes her sick.

She hates individualism, capitalism, consumerism, the urban sprawl/suburbia, the modern day workforce/grind and hustle attitude, the nuclear family unit being considered the only 'correct' family setup, basically everything about the U.S.A., social media, modern day beauty standards, etc. She's always disliked those things but overtime has grown to hate it all. She also thinks the Protestant Reformation, the Enlightenment, and the Industrial Revolution were steps in the wrong direction.

She hates Henry VIII because he was responsible for the dissolution of monasteries.

Her favorite Byzantine Emperor is John II Komnenos.

She met Charlemagne on an alternate version of Earth and set him on fire. She killed him because he had an ugly soul (he ordered the massacre of 4,500 Saxons in October 782). He died thinking she was an avenging angel.

She has and will fight the Vatican and the Pope. She's killed a few Popes in several alternate universes. She personally killed Pope Urban II (known as Odo of Châtillon) before raiding the Vatican; he's the Pope who began the Crusades. She has killed many of the principal leaders of the Crusades.

One of the very few popes she actually does like is Pierre Roger / Pope Celment VI. He was the pope during the Black Plague and tried to make people stop blaming Jewish people for the plague.

She'll defend medieval times. She'll correct people's misconceptions of the middle ages. Doesn't matter who you are, if you say something wrong about medieval times she'll be ready to fight.

A few examples:

If someone claims people in the "dark ages" / Early Middle Ages were stupid (they're called the "dark ages" because we don't have many records or primary sources from the time period). People were always learning things, building things, and making discoveries. Or if someone claims that the Church was against education/science (both were supported! monastic schools and cathedral schools were a thing. look up trivium (grammar, logic, rhetoric) and quadrivium (arithmetic, astronomy, music, geometry). medieval universities came after monastic and cathedral schools.

(everything below is mostly either copy-pasted from various sites or taken from the book Daily Life in the Middle Ages by Paul B. Newman)

The idea that people didn't bathe. It is a commonly repeated belief that bathing was considered sinful during the Middle Ages. This is not entirely true; what the Church disapproved of was not bathing, but bathhouses, which were holdovers from the Roman Empire, and not without reason. In Greek and Roman times, bathing was a social activity when people would go to public bathhouses and gymnasiums not just to keep clean, but to relax, socialize with peers, and also to engage in prostitution. These were seen as places of decadence, with opponents describing them as brothels in all but name (and this being Ancient Rome and Greece, would have involved homosexuality as well). The fact is many people in the Middle Ages did bathe, but mostly at home or in streams. It was actually after the Middle Ages in the supposedly "enlightened" Renaissance and the Early Modern Period that bathing and hygiene standards declined.

In Russia, where the forests were so abundant that even now there are moose on the prowl in downtown Moscow sometimes, the concept of weekly bathing pretty much never died. It was one of the reasons why the Black Death outbreaks were relatively weak there. Well, that and the general lack of enormous concentrations of people in the filthy cities — Russian cities always were more spread out.

That and the climate was not friendly to the primary disease vector, the Oriental Rat Flea, which required a warmer climate, even during the Medieval Warm Period, when the Black Death occurred.

The misconception that women had no rights. Women could inherit, buy and sell property, run a business, and had many legal rights. The vast majority of people in the Middle Ages worked the land, and women were just as active as men in agricultural activities. But we do know of women who were also writers, artists, and active as tradespeople in a family business. Women could be educated. Noblewomen and nuns, in particular, had access to books and were often literate. Women were also trained in domestic skills like sewing. However, education for both women and men tended to be limited to the upper classes and the clergy.

Some medieval buildings such as palaces, monasteries, and some houses in the cities did have plumbing systems with leaden pipes and bronze taps that provided running water. A few even had boilers to provide flowing hot water. These buildings also usually had sanitation systems, including indoor latrines. However, many buildings, including most private residences, did not have these features and their occupants had to draw and carry their water from wells and rivers. If they needed hot water, they had to heat it up in a cauldron or other large cooking pot. As for waste removal, they had to use outhouses or, in towns and cities, communal latrines rather than en suite facilities. Thus, in those buildings in which plumbing was minimal or nonexistent, the residents relied on pitchers, pans, wooden tubs, and buckets rather than on permanent fixtures such as water faucets, sinks, and bathtubs for conveying and containing water needed for cooking and cleaning.

The Roman technique of constructing raised flooring and using the space underneath the floor (called a hypocaust) as a conduit for warm air from furnaces disappeared with the collapse of the empire. In most of Europe, people resorted to using braziers (small charcoal or wood-burning grills made of metal or pottery) or open hearths or fire pits constructed in the middle of the ground floor. Drafts through the buildings appear to have prevented dangerous accumulations of carbon monoxide, and smoke from fires filtered out of the building through hole in the ridge of the roof. These vents were often fitted with louvered caps on the outside of the roof to keep the rain and wind out. These vents were limited use in clearing the smoke out of the building since they lacked a chimney to contain and guide the smoke from the fire to the outside. [yes they tried to fix this but this post is getting too long so i'll stop here]

[gnomewithalaptop]

Transcendence AU Dash Simulator GO!!!

31 notes

🌟 lesbianstellaconifer Follow

okay but actually block me if you ship mizcor -- 'hurr durr but we age stella up' -- SHUT UPPP she's literally a minor and alcor's canonically over a million years old so how about you stop being a freak

🎩 woodsmans-left-nipple Follow

Babe I hate to break this to you but Mizcor's literally one of the most famous relationships in all of post-transcendental literature

🌟 lesbianstellaconifer Follow

I could not have more obviously been talking about Mizar the Magnificent but you know what? Yeah classic Mizcor supporters can fuck off too actually.

Everybody likes to whip out Twin Souls like some kind of gotcha but have you even actually read it??? Like it's literally supporting demon worship and pedophilia -- both of which are EXTREMELY ILLEGAL btw. So yeah if I see any of my followers reblogging that shit I'm reporting you to the Occult Defense Agency idc if we're mutuals

🐟 demonologyturnedmegay Follow

*looks at my Alcorian Literature PhD* guess we better stock up on prison shivs buddy

🍃 haveyouseenmylibrary Follow

okay I'm sorry but

and Mizar the Magnificent isn't????

5k notes

📷 nature-pics-daily

Los Angeles 🏝️

#sunken city of los angeles #new california #travel #ocean #photography #lmao i almost got eaten by a kelpie trying to take this pic pls reblog it

98 notes

🧁 definitely-mizar Follow

Hey guys! Just wanted to let you know that The Scepter of Vanquished Souls, the newest book in the Wanderlust Trilogy, is now available for pre order on Glamazon!

Purchasers of the hard-cover edition will also receive never-before-seen content, including a deleted scene between Princess Samia and the Shadow King!

🤷‍♂️ not-not-ian-beale Follow

Boosting because I honestly cannot recommend this book enough. Truly one of Mira's best (and I'm not just saying that because she married me!)

25k notes

⚠️ alv Follow

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

You are the 6 billionth user to log into Jumblr today!! This means you are eligible to win a FREE WACBOOK PRO!!!! Click here to claim your prize and win BIG BIG REWARDS!!

#twin souls #mizar #alcor #mizcor #twin souls: reawakened #twin souls: breaking circles #twin souls: newest moon #twinner #twincon3015 #not a scam

Based on your likes!

0 notes

🌞 azarath-metrion-zinthirst Follow

So. I had a day.

📖 stanley-pines-memorial-library Follow

Okay, but consider

🌞 azarath-metrion-zinthirst Follow

I don't remember my older brother's wedding

📖 stanley-pines-memorial-library Follow

A small price to pay for no middle school trauma

🐧 selkiebael Follow

Okay so I just read the url and--

Asfdksfjk go off you funky lil intern

📖 stanley-pines-memorial-library Follow

I'm actually the senior librarian. But thanks!

🐈 alcorphabetical Follow

Posts that have 10k notes. To me

15k notes

🔮 demonoftheday Follow

Today's demon of the day is Nxlar the Antithetical! Responsible for the Florida Springs Massacre of 3007, the body count for this purveyor of madness is estimated to be over 400 (source).

🐸 that-one-half-elf-bitch

I could fix her

41 notes

🍑 lookingformygnomequeen Follow

literally screaming crying throwing up rn I've turned off 'Based on your likes' like eight times @staff can't you just get rid of him already

2.5k notes

🎤 rosaslittleredboots Follow

#i accidentally set my alchemy textbook on fire today and i don't even care AAAAAA this is going to be amazing #northwest mansion mystery #pacifica northwest #rosa darling #im about to be so insufferable about this just you wait

616 notes

👹 sexiestdemon3015bracket Follow

🐸 that-one-half-elf-bitch

Nxlar SWEEEEEP!!!

#if you love me at all you'll vote for my lady love #LISTEN i could bring her to the light i nkow i could

37 notes

👻 sweetthingsaremadeofdeeznuts

Lmao so Nxlar the Antithetical totally turned my apartment complex into a pile of sentient sludge yesterday. I'm fine -- I was at work when it all went down, but uh... yeah, my situation obviously just became super not-great. I hate to ask, but I don't get paid til the 15th, so if some of y'all could float me some cash just so I can get a motel room for a couple nights, I'll fr owe you a life debt

Goal: 0/250

FundFriend

LenMo

#fuck demons fr #like seriously what'd i ever do to them 😭😭😭 #mutual aid #pls boost #don't tag as donation

17 notes

🏳️‍⚧️ gliesssse Follow

Important PSA

So idk if y'all have been reading the news lately, but the alcor virus has been making the rounds on the interwebs again. I feel like I shouldn't have to say this but PLEASE don't click any random links rn, ESPECIALLY if they're tagged with twin souls.

I know we twinners love to joke about it, but the alcor virus is legitimately dangerous and has been known to seriously ruin people's lives. Idk. Just like be smart and practice basic caution I guess? Jumblr's pretty much dead these days, so he might skip over us, but it's always better to be safe than sorry

⚠️ alv Follow

This is a good point! It is always better to be safe than sorry! That's why if you're smart, you'll click here for a list of ways to virus-proof your computer. Stay safe out there everybody!

Based on your likes!

4k notes

🌲 discogirl99 Follow

Anyone else just randomly crave connective tissue sometimes

🧁 sparkle-glitter-sideblog

no actually i think that might just be a you thing

#also i heard screaming on the other line when i called you earlier there better not be a mess when i get home #beloved demon brother tag

2 notes

👑 sameeya

Okay guys I might be crazy but what if the Shadow King was actually telling the truth when he said Princess Samia's brother is still alive??? Like, if you think about it, there's a tonnnn of foreshadowing in Crown of Ghosts and the author tweeted that there was gonna be a surprise twist in the new book sooo 👀👀

#i've connected the dots -- YOU DIDN'T CONNECT SHIT -- i've connected them #wanderlust trilogy #mira ramachandran #crown of ghosts #scepter of vanquished souls #princess samia #samia of cleves #shadow king #ahmed of cleves #bookblr

25 notes

🪨 professionalnatural-deactivated30141227

Reminder that you are beautiful exactly as you are and there are thousands who would sell their souls to imitate what you do naturally <3

👠 mizarsfrillypetticoat Follow

I actually really needed this today 💗

🦇 plsbytemevladdyzaddy Follow

Yo quit reblogging this op is a blatant human supremacist

🪨 professionalnatural-deactivated30141227

And? No one cares lmao

⚠️ alv Follow

Enjoy deactivation. Lmao.

🪓 wenda-was-a-lesbian-confirmed Follow

🕵🏻‍♂️ alcor-in-the-tardis Follow

#I sent screenshots of that one centaur post to her boss too #give you two guesses what species his wife is (tags by @alv)

Holy shit. Am I actually rooting for the alcor virus rn?

🍄 warioxreader Follow

maybe the real virus was the friends we made along the way <3

⚠️ alv Follow

No, the real virus is me. Don't take credit for my accomplishments.

🐲 retiredbus Follow

Heritage post

62k notes

🐔 old-friends-senior-griffin-sanctuary Follow

I just want to get dicked down again =/

[writerblue275]

(Best)FWB!Ezreal Headcanons (18+)

Inspiration: This was one of the of ideas that got me to start this account lol. I’m also in the process of writing a fic based on this idea and it would be so much easier to just reference this post in the header rather than explain everything in the prose.

Champion: Ezreal (like Pilty!Ezreal/Explorer!Ezreal)

Genre: Headcanon

Category: TINIEST amount of angst but primarily FLUFF and SMUT - I mean what were you expecting. We're talking about best friends with benefits here. Typically the benefits are of an adult nature. 18+ ONLY. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT.

Length: This is a looooong one, friends. In my defense, I'm using this headcanon as world-building/background information for at least 1 future fic (It's quickly turning into multiple parts lmao).

Gender: Fem!Reader/reader who is fem presenting? Ahhhh even my non-binary ass doesn't know how to describe this...mention of dresses and stuff.

TW: Adult themes. Friends with benefits, reference to adult activities and kinks. For example: semi-public petting or Dom/sub dynamics. Slight mention of what (probably) happened to his parents and the emotional fallout of that. Mention of alcohol (always drink responsibly y’all). Swearing (as per usual).

Important context: I know game Ez’s age is a bit debated, though generally agreed on somewhere in early to early-mid-20s. For adult Ez in this, let’s say he’s like 23-24? Also Indiana Jones exists in this universe because DAMNIT I WANT TO CALL HIM INDIANA JONES AS A NICKNAME.

SFW

Your father is a history professor at the academy who knows/works with Ezreal’s uncle, Professor Lymere, and who often collaborated with Ez’s parents before they disappeared. Archeology and history go hand-in-hand, after all.

These collaborations led to you and Ezreal being together often as kids since you were around the same age, and a close friendship developed.

To the point of casual physical affection (hugs, hand holding, occasional cuddles) and silly nicknames for each other. He calls you princess, you call him…idiot mostly. (Jk…kinda.) You’ve called him Indiana Jones for forever since he was just as fascinated about archeology/artifacts as his parents.

You have called him an idiot many times though, especially when he’s been extremely rash and reckless.

At various points in your friendship, people have seen the two of you and assumed you had to be dating. It’s hysterical to both of you.

“Me dating Ezreal?! Nah, he’s just my best friend.”

“(Y/N)?? Absolutely not. We’re just best friends.”

You’re one of the few people who can humble Ezreal, a specialty of yours since early on in your friendship.

You: *In your father’s office studying while he teaches a lecture to one of his classes in a nearby lecture hall*

Ez: *Runs into the office, breathlessly laughing as he leans against the now closed door, holding a toupee*

You: *Eyebrows raise* Whatcha got there, Ez?

Ez: *grins* One of the campus warden’s toupees!

You: *Stares at him for a second and sighs* You’re a moron….*goes back to studying*

After his parents’ disappearance, you were understandably worried for Ezreal. You watched as your best friend struggled through the stages of grief, and even worse, stalled before he could get to the acceptance stage of what most likely happened.

You were always there to listen when he needed an ear. Even more importantly you tried to serve as a voice of reason once Ez started planning his own expedition to find the final resting place of Ne’Zuk.

You never said anything to completely dissuade him, because you wanted him to follow his heart and his dreams, but you couldn’t help but worry. With what likely happened to his parents, you were utterly terrified he wouldn’t come back, especially considering his stubbornness, his recklessness, and his age. Losing your best friend was a thought you just couldn’t stomach.

Only you knew about his plan to sneak onto a supply ship bound for Nashramae. You sent him off in the middle of the night with a giant hug and a “Be safe, Indiana Jones. You better come back alive…Write when you can…”

After a second he pulled back from the hug, gave you a signature Ez smirk, and said, “You know me well enough to know I’ll be fine, princess…”

Once he did set off, you had to convincingly act as though you didn’t know where he went. It was difficult, especially seeing how distraught his uncle was once he read Ez’s note, but your loyalty was to your friend.

It was torment waiting for any sort of news. Ez wasn’t exactly going to the most populated areas.

Thankfully, he did eventually return, excited to show off his new gauntlet, using it often to flash behind you and scare you.

“Ez, I swear if you keep scaring me, I cannot be held responsible for any damage to your stupid handsome face.”

*Smirk* “Handsome eh?”

“…Shut up…f-forget I said anything…the last thing you need is an inflated ego.”

But he didn’t forget.

Over the years as he gained notoriety and fame from his adventures, you were one of the few people who didn’t treat him any differently from how you had in the past.

As much as his ego craved the validation and fame, hoping they’d be enough to draw his parents back (god damn this man needs HELLA therapy), having someone who just treated him as Ezreal, not as the prodigal explorer, was really nice…

Once he was a little older, when he started getting invites to parties and banquets to talk about his adventures, you became his go-to date.

As he told you, “It’s just easier than dealing with the rabid fans. Also you’re good-looking, and I need someone with me that helps make me look good.”

That earned him a sarcastic eye roll and “Thanks, I guess?” from you.

With the fame and scale of his adventures, Ez collected a decent amount of wealth on top of what his family already had. As thanks for being his go-to plus-one, he’d always take care of the cost of your clothes and accessories for these events, sometimes even buying outfits for you himself; things that he thought would look good on you. He has shockingly good taste and understands your sense of style very well. (SUGAR DADDY FRIEND EZ, ANYONE?)

It was about a year and a half ago that things in your friendship changed. He’d been gone almost 3-months chasing a particularly legendary relic rumored to be surrounded by an incredible number of traps that were said to be impassable.

“Impassable” is Ez’s specialty, as you know.

Of course, his exuberant return made him a popular invite to all the parties. Everyone wanted to hear the tales of Piltover’s prodigal explorer.

You were just fucking relieved to have your best friend home, alive, and in one piece.

NSFW

It was after one of these fancy parties when things popped off. There’d been an open bar during the dancing portion of the evening. Both of you were tipsy. Both of you were giggly. Ez gave you a piggy back ride home since you decided to kick off your incredibly uncomfortable heels the second you stepped outside. (What a gentleman.)

Once you arrived at your apartment, you invited him to stay the night as he always did since it was so late. Of course he agreed, grabbing the extra set of comfy clothes he stashed there for such situations and going to change while you prepared the couch for your usual post-event chats, setting up, pillows, blankets, snacks, and water.

As he came out of the hallway to the living room where you were, you could feel his gaze glued to you as you bent down to prep some things*

You: *blushing a little and not looking up at him* “Yes?”

Ez: *smirks* I thought that dress would look incredible on you, and I was right….you look even sexier than usual…

You looked up at him with wide eyes, your cheeks DEFINITELY pinker as your mind took a second to register what he said* “You thought about how I’d look in this? W-wait…you think I’m sexy?”

He just grinned and shrugged his shoulders. “Of course I did and of course I do. I’ve told you before that you’re good looking. Do you remember when you accidentally blurted out that I was handsome? Do you still think I am?”

You weren’t sure if it was the alcohol or your curiosity about the direction of this conversation that had you saying, “Yes I do. I’ve thought that for a long time. But, I don’t understand why that matters? You’re my best friend, Ezreal, and to be honest, dating you sounds like a nightmare. I already worry enough about you when you’re on your expeditions. Adding deeper feelings into that sounds like a one-way express ticket to driving myself insane.”

Ez chuckled, “Who said anything about dating or deeper feelings? Feelings are the last thing I need in my life (again THERAPY, MY GUY). But, the way I see it, I’m physically attracted to you, you’re physically attracted to me, neither of us want feelings involved beyond what our friendship is now….that sounds like an arrangement that is mutually beneficial…”

You straightened up and folded your arms together as you contemplate his words. “So like a…friends with benefits sort of thing?”

Ez grinned. “More like best friends with benefits, but yes. I have needs. I’m assuming based on the fact that you’re currently not seeing anyone either that you also have needs. We’ve helped each other out with problems many times….why not help each other with this one?”

Ok, but why was he making so much sense??

He was also right. You’d been going through a hell of a dry spell as of late. And hey, when it comes to people, you trust Ezreal more than anyone else. You’d also be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t find him extremely attractive. All of these reasons pinged around your mind until finally…

“Yes…ok…yes….tonight can serve as a test of sorts…but I’m not finalizing anything until tomorrow morning when both of us are stone cold sober. I have conditions, but they don’t apply at the moment. Got it?”

His response was an frantic nod and an eager “Got it,” as he stepped closer and reached for your waist to pull you to him.

Your response was to turn around and move your hair to the side. “Ah ah ah. First help me with my zipper…then show me what you can do, pretty boy…”

And BOY DID HE. Quite honestly he blew your mind (and your back out 😉). But we’ll get to that later on.

The important conversation happened the next morning after you two woke up tangled with each other.

Ez sat up and stretched, and you couldn’t help it as you sleepily reached over and gently ran your fingers along his abs.

He gave you a sleepy smirk and eyebrow raise before murmuring, “Already want another round, princess?”

This resulted in you pinching him before you also pulled yourself up, not even caring that he was baldly admiring you as you stretched. “I tentatively agree to this arrangement, Ez, but I want to talk about limits/conditions. Let’s talk as we get breakfast ready…”

Your conditions: 1. While this arrangement is in place, he’s not sleeping with anyone else and that includes on expeditions. You don’t want the chance for any sort of disease. 2. If either of you falls for another person, the arrangement needs to end (obviously you two would talk about it so the other knows what’s going on). 3. This can’t fuck up your friendship. Even if things physically end, your friendship needs to remain intact. You don’t want to lose your best friend. 4. No falling in love with each other.

Ez easily agreed to your terms and laid out his own: 1. He’ll see you when he gets home from expeditions and while he’s in Piltover. 2. If he’s not sleeping with anyone else, he hopes you won’t either. 3. He wants you to take care of yourself mentally (a bit ironic), physically, and emotionally, especially while he’s gone. (He won’t admit it, but when he’s on his explorations, he thinks/worries about you often and wonders if you’re doing alright.) 4. He wants to continue to buy you gifts and clothes, and he also wants to start including lingerie in said gifts if you tell him your sizes and style preferences.

The last one surprised you. “Lingerie? Why? That seems pretty intimate for fuck buddies. I certainly don’t expect such gifts from you.”

He was unfazed, instead just grinning and chuckling at the surprise on your face. “Believe it or not, it’s almost more for me than you. Undressing you will be like unwrapping my own present.”

Strangely enough you couldn’t find any fault with that logic.

You agreed to all his terms, and the two of you did a little hand shake to finalize things. A strangely small gesture to seal a massive change in your friendship.

(*Clears throat*) And now for the important part…

Definitely NSFW - AKA How is Ez as a FWB?

With an ego like his, you might think Ez is a selfish lover.

And you know what, maybe to start he is, but you shut that shit down IMMEDIATELY. Remember, you’re one of the only ones who can humble this man.

Once you make it clear that this arrangement will not be one-sided in pleasure if he wants it to continue, he makes sure to act RIGHT.

Like he really makes sure to blow your back out every single time (hell yeah go you).

A large part of his initial “selfishness” is hesitance. You two have known each other forever, but certainly not in this way. You telling him off? Honestly it reminds him that this is still you, his best friend, who he knows better than just about anyone. He is just learning about another side of you.

That is a confidence boost to him and banishes any insecurities he has.

(Unlike Heartsteel Ez who I see very primarily as a sub) Ez is a true switch maybe even leaning a little dom.

Whatever you need him to be, he can be.

Ezreal can be VERY PLAYFUL. Your normal friendship is filled with laughter and teasing, and your friendship in the bedroom is no different.

That doesn’t mean he can’t be serious though, he absolutely can be.

He’s the extremely teasing type, expertly working you up with just a couple touches in public or private and then making you wait.

For example, at those fancy dinners you go to with him? If anyone bothers to look under the tablecloth they'll see his hand on you, thumb tracing shapes into the fabric of your dress high up on your thigh, while he casually recounts the harrowing details of his adventures.

There you are, just sitting there trying to keep a straight face and not blush. He does it often enough you think you’d be used to it by now but NOPE.

You’re really glad no one expects you to tell any stories at those things because every time his hand creeps onto your thigh, your brain short circuits a little bit. Trying to tell a story or hold more than a passing conversation would be incredibly difficult.

And he KNOWS IT TOO. Once he’s not speaking, he always looks over at you and gives you a little smirk.

And if you do the same to him when he’s not telling stories? He will not stop leaning over and softly complaining in your ear.

You take great pleasure in whispering in his ear, “Can’t handle what you dish out? This is what you get, you teasing fuck.” (Or something similar lol.) Then you pass everything off as normal with a very quick, friendly, and casual kiss on the cheek which makes HIS brain short circuit a little bit.

Very touchy and LOUD in bed, especially when you’re on top. To the point you have had to cover his mouth with your hand and threaten to STOP riding him if he doesn’t get himself together and be quieter. He knows damn well how thin apartment walls in Piltover are.

Eventually you just gag him with something, because let’s be honest, it’s an empty threat. You definitely DON’T want to stop and he’s well aware of that.

When he’s on top though, Ez intentionally will do things that cause your sounds to get louder, making no attempts to quiet you. Instead he just smirks down at you and whispers in your ear, “Is that all you’ve got, princess? I know you can get louder than that…don’t hold back for me…”

Don’t be afraid to mark him. Feeling your nails dig into his shoulders/back or feeling you mark his collarbone with hickeys drives him absolutely wild.

Very very VERY good at dirty talk. His wit and sass translate extremely well to more intimate contexts. And when you dirty talk right back at him? He loves it when you’re just as playful as he is. His favorite is when you murmur something filthy in his ear and follow it up with a playful little nip somewhere.

Loves tying you up and loves being tied up, as well as using blindfolds.

Not the most attentive with aftercare, but hey, your arrangement isn’t romantic so you don’t mind. He at least stays the night/for breakfast and cuddles you which is honestly more than you thought he’d do.

It might be a bit inconsistent concerning WHEN you see Ezreal since who knows when he’ll come back from his expeditions, but whenever he is in Piltover, the two of you certainly have a good time. Besides, it’s good to know your best friend is home safe…at least until he sets off on another adventure.

Thank you for reading!! Omg I had so much fun with this one. And I’m already enjoying writing the associated fic. It was literally just supposed to be a one-shot and now there’s absolutely going to be multiple parts, so keep an eye out for that!

[heart-sized]

chapter one, flowers for you, s. snape

★⺌◞ : severus snape x f! professor reader

cw : slight age gap, mention of possessiveness and jealousy, none else that i know of

a/n ; lmao i remember writing this long assed fic last year might as well post it + au where there is no voldy & lily potter is alive

other chapters : prologue

masterlist // taglist

“you seriously cannot expect me to go to hogwarts!” you fling your hands in the air, staring in disbelief at your parents who very much expect you to do the same.

“i cannot see why you've so much problem going there,” your mother argues, “it was your dad's, mine, your sister's alma mater.”

but not mine. you want to say.

“i have my whole life here, ma,” you rub your forehead and look at your dad, “i have a good job here, a stable job. what chances are there that i will get the same stability at hogwarts?”

“you're not a nobody!” your mother and former gryffindor urges, “surely you don't possess the wizardry gene, but your father was a professor there. your sister and i were star quidditch players. there's no chance they'll not provide you the same stability.”

ouch. that was rude. it is not as if you yourself have removed the wizardry gene from your dna. tears threaten to bubble out from your eyes.

“darling, shh,” your dad intervened, “talk to her softly. why are you yelling at her? y/n, dear, listen to me. the only reason why i am asking you to start hogwarts as a professor is because everyone keeps on wondering why i have secluded my middle child from that world.”

not secluded, dad. you were never a part of that world.

“and also,” he points towards your eleven years old brother who is busy playing his video game, “your brother is starting hogwarts soon. it will give me a sense of surety that his sister will be there to protect him. do it for our sake, please?”

it is hard for you to say no to your dad. even he knows that. so even though every part of your body wants to refuse, you let out a small nod and the beaming smile on your dad's face makes you feel a little better.

“thank you, my child.” he pats your head lightly.

you, the middle child, the only muggle child in your family, make your way towards your room, softly stopping to stare at the family pictures. your father, kiann l/n is a proud gryffindor, who later became the professor of defense against dark arts in hogwarts, retiring only when you didn't get your appointment letter from the school of witchcraft and wizardry. your mother, sierra l/n, was also a gryffindor and a star quidditch player, a few years junior to your father. they had married a few years after he had graduated. and your sister? sara l/n was a ravenclaw, a genius student and a star quidditch player. you remember how the dining table talk would be full of her achievements back in her hogwarts days. and your brother, the youngest one in the family, kyrus l/n, just received his appointment letter a few days ago.

in short, you are the only one to disappoint your family. the muggle disappointment.

in fact, you don't hate your dad for asking you to fill up as the new hogwarts professor. the wizardry world is in fact curious about you. but what they don't know is that you are no one special. just a normal human girl whose life would have been dozens of times better if only the wizardry world doesn't exist.

according to your parents, you would leave for hogwarts the next day with your brother. so you make up your mind to pack your bags at night while at the present moment, you decide to visit your friends.

oh and what excuse could you even give them for your prolonged absence? oh, forgive me you all but i cannot meet you again because i have to teach in a wizardry cult of school in a wizardry world because everyone in my family is a wizard except for me? no thanks.

you find your mother cooking in the kitchen and decide to ignore her and make your way towards the door.

“y/n?”

oops. you turn to see your mother. “i am sorry, my child,” her eyes are soft, as if she had cried, “i didn't mean to be so hard on you.”

“i know, ma,” you attempt to smile, “you didn't mean to be hard on me. you just reminded me of how different i am from the rest of you.”

“what?” to say your best friend is shocked would be an understatement. her eyes are wide open as she stares at you. “we cannot meet for a few months? a few months? what kind of cult are you joining?”

you laugh and take your sweet moment sipping on your lemon juice while your best friend waits impatiently. “it's not a cult, sophie. it's my parents' alma mater and it is a super strict, boring kind of boarding school.”

“i will miss you!” the redhead pouts. “did you tell dylan about it?”

you pause. dylan was your coworker in the company that you worked at and you had gone on a few dates together. but it was not anything serious. “no, i haven't. honestly i don't want it to be known by anyone except for you and obviously, micah. hey, where is micah even, by the way?”

“i don't know?” sophie furrows her eyebrows and looks around. “he had said that he'd be here on time.”

“trust him to be late even today,” you scoff.

“two roses,” a hand holding two roses comes in your view, “for the two most beautiful ladies in the world.”

“micah!” both sophie and you speak simultaneously and the said guy sits down beside sophie with a smirk.

“so i have heard that you're joining a cult, y/n?” he asks, sipping on sophie's chai without her permission. “what extent are you going to go just to please your parents?”

“it's not a cult, micah!” you roll your eyes, “and i am not doing it to please my parents.” liar. “i'm doing it because it's expected of me to do.”

“same thing.”

“can we not argue today?” sophie butts in, her eyes pleading. “it's y/n's last day with us, at least, for a few months. let's make it a memorable one. what do you guys say?”

and boy is it memorable. you enjoy each and every part of it, from playing at the swings to sliding from the slider and to the movies. for you knew that the next few months are going to be hard for you. very hard.

“just so you know, i love you guys a lot,” you even sob a bit. the public declaration of love is something so not you, but you feel like a little scared kid who knows that you are going to be away from the people you loved for a long time. and when they hug you back, you realis that you haven't cherished your friendships the way you should have. even micah's.

and when you lie down in bed that night to sleep, you ponder over micah's words. was he not right? what more extent would you go just to please her parents? just to not be a disappointment anymore?

the next day is spent in a jiffy and the next thing you know, you are standing at the 9½ station, holding your brother's hand. your dad is there to see you off and as he kissed your foreheads, you sigh. it is worth it. everything is worth it just to see him happy. even going to some stupid school of witchcraft and wizardry and teaching those stupid students. you can do that all just to see that smile on your dad's face.

ᝬ ˙.໑ ╱ © tojiciu 2023 — all rights reserved. property of ciu

[ladygoth]

tbh another thing that bothers me about the whole situation is like some of those people i followed for a while when i first joined the fandom on tumblr and to find out they support and encourage that :(

and like everyone gets mad at you saying kys and focusing on that but not the other actual important shit and main point (for a reason id assume) and like just the defense of you have written dubcon and noncon like, its very diff than literal rape and thats the stuff thats used at the coping skill not actual rape itself. you never said anything is wrong with coping with it using dubcon either like ? idk its just im angry but more-so just sad and disappointed people i admired for their work romanticizing something that ruined my life as well as many others

idk like everyone says you’re stupid but they’re getting mad about one post and i get some people being triggered and having diff opinions about that and jokes etc but missed the complete main point and continue to miss the main points youve made and taking it out of context putting words in your mouth? maybe im rambling and makes no sense i usually just sit back and let shit happen when its online but like i just had to say something. plus them saying youre just a troll and a hater for your responses like, when you keep trying to tell someone something and they are adamant or just cant listen or recognize your points plus keep harassing you you’re just gonna stop trying at a certain point?

and the whole thing about you like not supporting victim’s coping mechanisms confuses the ever living shit out of me because you speaking up about the rape (not noncon/dubcon) fetish which is literally standing up for that and speaking against it? idk. lot i wanna say but wont cus people on here clearly lose their shit but tldr you haven’t done anything wrong, thank you for speaking up and keep trying and for just being a good person and advocator, it means the world and warms my heart to see 🫶

sorry people are so mean and hateful (ironic they say you are yet look all they are doing and saying) and i hope you’re doing okay from it all❤️

mwah <3

yes, me and my friends were laughing at how bad they were missing the point when they were crying in my comments and asks. they can call me stupid all they want, i'd rather be an idiot than be someone who plays into SA culture, and it was intriguing how they said i was writing about dub-con when both characters were both still heavily aware of their surroundings and what they had wanted with each other. and i know that because i was the writer, the way they speak you'd think they were with me in my room when i was writing it, but oh well.

and them doing that either way still is a win for me because that means they agree with what my main perspective was LMAO. they were doing essays with my writings, and i'll give them an U for how bad their assumptions were.

glad to know that i got middle aged broke back women who will barely know what it actually feels and means to be loved and doesnt need to turn to SA culture to feel something panties in a twist. and thank you for this ask, i'm doing well and have been focusing on my future projects! <3

[ghost-town-story]

Hello and welcome to the thing I've been excited to do since July, aka holy fuck CoFaS is 10 years old now

So a few years ago, I went and reread the very first story I ever wrote and it was....... a fuckin time. So when I realized CoFaS was turning a decade this year, I thought it would be fun to do the same thing (reread and comment in a tumblr post as I go), but taking one piece of advice from the last time I did this.

Aka this is gonna be a drinking game lol

The rules are simple: 1. Drink whenever I cringe 2. Drink whenever the nickname "kitten" is used to blatantly pad the word count (because I do remember that is exactly the way I got to 50,006 words that year lol)

So, I've got my emotional support bottle of wine, some snacks, a sleepy kitty, and the old doc pulled up. Les go.

A quick aside, this is the reason why it's an emotional support bottle of wine:

A gift from a while ago from somebody who knows I go by Starlight online :D

Alright, les go

And immediately gonna pour one out for the awful age gap we have here. Blah blah blah, not all age gaps are bad, but considering Aiden starts out 11 and James is 19........ *takes a big fuckin drink*

At least the wine is good lol

Ah yes, establishing from the very first line that CoFaS is peak "Aiden gets hurt/traumatized and I'm having fun doing it"

I'm also counting moments where I just pause and start laughing bc oh god what is this description as cringing lol but yeah Aiden and Sirius had the most awkward relationship to write for the longest time and it really wasn't until pretty recently that I actually started to nail it down and it stopped being so gotdamn awkward

Also right now there's literally no plot. Ok to be fair there's no overarching plot of CoFaS other than "snippets of Aiden's life" but there are arcs usually but. We're three chapter/scenes in and there's not even an arc going right now. It's just. setting up characterization I guess?

Also lmao at my worldbuilding. In my defense I was what, 15 and in the middle of high school shit? learning how to write on the fly? not gonna hold it against tiny me but I'm still gonna smh

Yeah this age gap is not sitting well with me anymore. Not at fuckin all Do I want James and Aiden to be cute together? hell yeah would I rather James be like..... 14 in this scene rather than 20? hell yeah

Look I understand I wanted to show the traumatic event *sparkle sparkle* but I just. That's not how flashback dreams work at all *source: mild amounts of research I've done since then. Also the fact that I doubt he would remember shit with so much clarity from when he was two and passed out for part of it

One credit I will give to past me here though, I still don't know if that's actually how two-year-olds act lmao

Okay so at least part of this is gonna be me reading shit and going "lmao that's not how it works anymore!" scene: Aiden wakes up from a nightmare, wants his dad to comfort him how it would go now: wakes up from nightmare, will absolutely refuse to tell anybody about it except maybe James or Lexi. And only if they heard him wake up Sorry Aid, you have daddy issues now lol (and mommy issues. More of those tbh)

Okay I'm so fucking glad I scrapped that bit of worldbuilding bc why??? would only 1 of the 4 nations have a special name????? that allows others to control them????????

James you are 20 and he's 12 do not darling him

Also lmao at the number of times I describe somebody by their age rather than ya know. their fuckin name

Also we still have not had any arc that lasts more than 2 scenes and we're on page 4. On one hand: yeah fair writing fun offhand scenes is still a thing I do. On the other: I posted this to Figment oh my god. Anybody expecting a coherent story just gets this fuckin. mess What the fuck did I even put for the summary on Figment? I hope it was something that explained "hey this is a gotdamned mess with no overarching plot other than Aiden's life" lol

RIP Figment. You were the real one and I simultaneously mourn your loss and am glad you don't exist anymore cause I don't want people reading my old stuff but I wouldn't have the heart to delete it myself

Anyways I literally just said that and we reached an arc that has at least 3 scenes!

Oh no I spooped my cat cause of my laughing this one caused by the fact that I never fuckin specify how healing works at all. Just that it works enough to cause the maximum amount of whump I guess. That may not be the right word but bruh I am nearly through a glass of wine by now lol

babby Aiden is babby. and mildly a mood lmao

James, you need to stop fuckin flirting with a 12 year old one day I'll stop yelling about this. that'll be when Aiden is actually old/mature enough to be flirted with

“Dad’s not really the comforting type.” THEN WHY THE FUCK DID YOU ASK FOR HIM 3-4 CHAPTERS AGO????

this age gap shenanigans is gonna give me an aneurysm i swear and i don't know if it's better or worse that Sirius is endorsing these shenanigans

Alright kitty has woken up and says it's break time so i'm making this a mandatory "go bury your face in nearby fluff and regain sanity from this nonsense" moment

Alright, had my break for snaccs and arguing about whether or not I'll be sober in 36-48 hours (long story), time to get back into the shenanigans also we're on page 5/77 and i'm about 1/3 through the wine. hence why the questions of sobriety in time for dnd sunday. anyhoot

AND IMMEDIATELY INTO THE WARRIOR CATS SCENE

okay so like. ya i was a warrior cats kid sue me lmao. so this next fucking scene (or maybe the next next there might be a leadup scene) is basically me going "i want the clan leaders meeting!" and having absolutely 0 justification otherwise. so ya. it is entirely for drama and to introduce "hey lookie all these other elementals none of whom we care about except for kinda Flame!" (and now I care a lot about Water too. Rip fuckin Earth lmao)

and another drink for fuckin what the fuck descriptions

yeah okay this bit of dialogue basically hits the nail of why i fucking hate the fuckin special name for Flame thingy. just a la "don't use that name." "it's your middle name deal with it" and like, Sirius is not meant to be seen as an abusive father! neglectful, kinda yeah. absolutely Does Not know how to talk/relate to his kid? abso-fuckin-lutely. full on abusive? no. but that bit of dialogue veers into sketchy/abuse territory and i don't like it

thank you to Lexi for interrupting this round of "James stop fucking flirting with a young teenager when you're 21"

I seriously don't think I actually named Sirius until this point, 7 whole pages in some mild clarification, I write in wall of text style. this current scene is 2 pages long with no proper paragraph breaks so. yeah

Ah yes. another thing that's different now, Fintan's entire characterization lol

you know, I'm just staring at this scene like "this would be a great set up for some plot" but at the same time I know that this is it. It's this fight and then these wolves are never showing up again. guess they got beat up in one fight! cool beans!

Kiddo you're way too alert for somebody who's hovering on the edge of consciousness lmao

For once we have some James characterization that I still like! aka he's a dumbass more concerned with other people's (in this case Will's) health than his own!

Oh god I posted this scene on the NaNo website as a snippet from the story. And I can tell you with 100% certainty that this fuckin scene was inspired by the Kingdom Keepers series (that I haven't read any of since like, 2013 probably lmao)

Oh yeah! this was when Will had selective mutism! but also. Aiden, James is periodically flirting with you and hanging out with you a ton. How do you not know this world's equivalent of sign language by now lol

Look, I still absolutely fuckin love dragons, but I just.... why here?? especially since I'm 90% sure they're never mentioned again??????

Okay, so I may have fallen asleep after only 10 pages, but in my defense I was tired from work/shit sleep schedule, and half a bottle of wine Did Not help lol. Anyways, onto day 2 and the rest of this scene (and arc if I remember correctly)

Lexi is a menace and a treasure and I gotdamned love her lol. I'm making it official she's the saving grace of 2013 CoFaS and we're not gonna talk about what happens to her yet

Oh Will you sweet awkward not-yet-a-sassy-sarcastic-bitch of a child <3

And again. Would much rather James be like, 15/16 in this scene than fuckin 21

I lied. There's one more scene to finish out this arc whoops lol

Again with the fuckin out-of-body experiences to show important plot points. like bitch just change perspectives you're gonna do it later anyways!

Two things I love *sarcasm* about this 1. I did no editing even when posting this to Figment. I coulda gone back and just made this random nameless healer Seren, but nooooooo Did Not think about that until now probably 2. Logically, why the fuck is James in this scene? Boi is getting invited to shenanigans he should not realistically be invited to lol

I like how I can recognize which arc this is from Sirius's first line bad news: I dislike this arc for many reasons now. tldr don't like it cause of compulsory/systematic heteronormativity, forced/arranged marriage of a goddamn 14 year old, more sketch age gaps (tho 5 years is better than the James/Aiden gap of 8), and the fact that I 100% fridged Lexi cause said systematic heteronormativity made her get in the way of my ship.

Anyways Sirius and Aiden interactions are still so awkward and ngl, I'm looking forward to [redacted unless you know of the CoFaS rewrite] bc it'll mean the end of the awkwardness

And James is immediately jealous. It would be kinda cute in an angsty way if he wasn't 22 (to clarify, jealous but trying to hide it cause he ain't gonna fuck up his sister's and best friend's "happiness")

Protective older brother speech? yeah okay questioning Aiden about if he actually loves Lexi? okay back off ma dude (also fun aside: my oldest brother "threatened" both of my exes while I was dating them. Cyrus was terrified of him for basically the rest of the time I knew him. Screw went "lol bet". So while these incidents were still a few years off for 2013 me, yeah I can see what inspired James's speech here lol)

OH MY GOD JAMES THAT'S HOW YOU GET EXECUTED FOR REGICIDE FUCKIN HELL

also lmao at the tiny-me not swearing bits

oh look, a perspective shift! wonder why I didn't use that earlier *deadpan stare*

Okay James is being a solid angsty drama queen this entire scene, which fair angst whatever but I gotta object to one thing and that is I don't really think losing your wings and watching someone you love marry your sister are really comparable here dude

also bud have you even asked Lexi if she loves Aiden or are you just assuming this is a marriage of convenience from all sides? (I sincerely don't know the answer for 2013 CoFaS. The answer for rewrite is yes love all around baybe)

heh, telepathy is just ported over from the OG universe just cuz

This also might've been the origin for Will calling her Lex and James calling her Lexi. Maybe. It's quite possible.

Oh James. You're such an overdramatic pining asshole lol

And that wedding scene is making me honestly contemplate finishing my glass of wine except it's a bit too full but several drinks are in order cause 1. No idea (then and now tbh) how "typical" weddings work 2. more broody jealous James 3. the knowledge of the gotdamn fridging to come 4. oh yeah the middle name shenanigans as well

oh and we immediately skip straight to the fridging! okay! goddamn! no goddamn martial bliss scenes for these two! nope just immediate "yeah Lexi's dying now" god I feel so bad for Lexi in this

Yeah okay maybe it's the fact that I'm a slut for angst but this scene was.... pretty good? like

Aiden let out a sound that was almost a hiccup, and he bit his lower lip hard to prevent any more sound from escaping.

goddamn that's a line I'd still use now tbh is the scene perfect? no Is it the best thing I've read so far of CoFaS? probably

also fun fact this is Alec's first appearance as a character. And it's the reason why in Band AU/basically anywhere else he appears he dyes his hair burgundy, cause that's his hair color in CoFaS. Callbacks yo

James. James now is not the fucking time. have some gotdamn respect for Lexi and stahp

I think this scene is gonna finish off my emotional support wine. We've got James flirting at inappropriate times! We've got awkward af Sirius trying to be a good dad! We've got more James flirting! and being mildly manipulative! fuckin hell!

Ya okay I know I like drama but this shit is hella toxic

Look I have no idea how old Aiden is right now but I'm gonna solidly say he's still too young for you to darling him James especially right after that emotional rollercoaster you put him through

"'If you're jealous,' [James said]" I'm sorry sir who's the jealous one in this relationship cause I'm pretty damn sure it ain't Aiden

Oh my god Aiden is 16. For fuck's sake man

"As James approached his room, which he rarely used now, and Aiden’s, which he was in far too often to be proper," I'm not giving y'all the end of this line but I like it lol

Yeah this is. definitely a sign of how I've changed over the years past-me: doesn't like unhappy endings at all, therefore *magically* gives Aiden his wings back bc it'd be too sad if he didn't have them now-me: BITTERSWEET SYMPHONY BAYBE (aka he has stumps of wings and they never grow back. just enough for tattered feathers and bitter reminders)

and Awkward Sirius makes an immediate reappearance! and like, cool, you're cool with your son being gay, but maybe you should be having an issue with the fact that he's 16 and James is 24 ffs

“[Dumb] names have power.” “I know. You tend to use mine a lot when I’m being unruly.” I! Hate! This! Worldbuilding! Thank Fuck It's Scrapped!!

Wait. Wait wait wait. so whoever gives them the dumb name-- actually fuckit i'm too tipsy again to explain this I'll just quote the snippet

It’s not just the name itself that has power, but who gives it to him. For example, if your mother had been the one to give you your [dumb] name, then you would have been loyal to her, even at the cost of your wings.

THEN WHO DID ACTUALLY GIVE AIDEN HIS NAME???? I'd assume it'd have to be a Person of Flame due to ya know. It being a Flame thing but like. Then who??? Fintan????? some rando????? not Ashton cause he wasn't born yet (at least in redone canon but still they're close enough in age that he would have been unborn or babby af) but. who the fuck gave Aiden his name then?????????????? We don't get a fuckin answer and I'm not sure I ever had one!!!!

so sometimes I have to laugh cause otherwise i'd have to scream "what the fuck" at this and i have neighbors and it's currently 10 pm and I like to have the moral high ground thank you very much (over their dumbass yappy dog who barks at 1 am sometimes) but anyhoot I start laughing and woke up my kitty so while she bullies me I'm implementing another "bury face in the fluff and maybe get a snacc" break

Alright have gotten some snaccs again, bullied nats for a bit (<3), discovered that bubbly pink moscato is sadly Not It and broke out the second, non-emotional-support bottle of rosé. Time to continue Also we're now 22 pages in. we're doin great lol

they're married now and i'm still smh at how fuckin young Aiden is for this relationship. goddamn I like how I aged Aiden up for all of the main tragedies but I made them hit way fuckin harder in the rewrite. (he's 16/17 in original, ~20 if i remember correctly in rewrite) (also 2 vs 8/10? for wings)

Ah yes, an actually reoccurring antagonist: humanity :P

also yeah baby me did not like the thought of her uwu-baby characters actually killing people. p sure I made the faceless waves of enemies in the OG story robots for that purpose, and now James is just knocking people out cause he don't wanna kill how the fuck did he get promoted to head guard at this rate Sirius what the fuck is the state of your guards Do I think irl murder is bad? yes! do I think that characters and stories are a different matter and there's a lotta nuance! also yes! is this shit that may get me "cancelled"? probably!! but fuckin hell rené's arc in the superhero wip is gonna cause that anyways!

meanwhile I'm pretty sure Will just electrocuted like at least a dozen people and I'm fine with that XD "unconscious from electrocution" now I'm not doctor and I don't want to concern my dad by texting him "hey if you get electrocuted is it 100% chance of death or like 50/50 between death and unconsciousness?" and my selo (med student) is probably asleep by now, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and say if they're unconscious, they're probably pretty dang close to death *take everything said just above with a grain of salt. again, i'm not a doctor, i'm tipsy, and i don't feel like googling this shit lol

Okay I distinctly remember this bit was inspired by this series I read called Eon/Eona? specifically the part where the emperor had the necklace of his position sewn to his throat. pretty fuckin metal for it to stick with me better than the title of the books lmao. But yeah. That's where the initial idea of the leaders' "necklaces" came from

James is once again a dumbass about his own health in favor of worrying about others! (this time Aiden)

90% sure this isn't how the medical side of this works

seriously why can't the kid have a sedative or three lol

and some potential gross medical negligence here but hey, who's counting! what doctors are gonna read this shit! (maybe selo, if she read the original while it was up on Figment lol but that was well before she was a med student)

absolutely not the point but something got corrupted somewhere in the what, 4 computer swaps since this was written? and now there's just a random "emoji error" box at the end of this paragraph and I don't know why lol cause I swear I never put emojis of any sort in my official writing (except for stuff that was explicitly characters texting) and definitely not at the end of the paragraph where Aiden's about to go to his father's funeral

ok it wasn't technically medical negligence cause James basically discharged himself against medical advice/medical attempts to keep him in bed lol

I am fairly certain that unless Alec is on a chair right now, that action should be impossible without Aiden leaning/crouching down, except I just say "reach". ffs and Aiden's definitely standing so i really dunno lol

Yeah I just couldn't write formal ceremony stuff for shit lol

There's so much going on that I'm just like. man. what the fuck. so much drama. so much sketchy stuff happening in the name of "i love you"

oh it's mild flashback time to a different POV okay lol

okay so. James. how do you not know about Aiden's fire powers? bc again. known each other for basically Aiden's whole life and also. pretty sure Aiden saved James's life earlier with them (but i don't remember cause i was tipsy when I read that last night and I don't wanna backtrack lol)

okay again. I have no idea how two-year-olds work. but i get the feeling this is...... not quite right?

Whump time!!

ah yes, overprotective James

yeah for the most part that wasn't bad until the last fuckin bit. You know, Sirius may be dead now but I think Fintan decided he was immediately going to step into the role of "awkward father figure" for Aiden smh

whump whump!!

ah yes, the ol' "christianity apparently exists in this universe cause i'm very raised catholic!"

babby Alec!!!! again not sure if I'm writing him right for a two year old but I don't care right now it's babby Alec and Ryder! (oh yeah Ryder is also originally from CoFaS lol)

"I'm Sky. Look I'll show you my dad is Sky." Alec honey you have wings that's proof enough that you're at least part Sky oh now you mention the wings! smh child

okay it's official Alec and Ryder are carrying the story with their cuteness cause I don't have to facepalm every time they flirt (when they're older) cause they're actually close to the same age! no sketch ass age gaps here!!

lmao Ashton's first bit of actual characterization. He's not bad as a character, just... underutilized probably

Alanna-now-Laguna! now the babbiest of babbies now that Alec's eight

but good news I think we're at the age where I can reluctantly be okay with the Aiden/James relationship.

oh yeah! I didn't exactly forget but I definitely got surprised by the revelation that Aiden's mother and the guy who helped cut off his wings were actually married

Okay actually I wanna outline what the fuck is happening a la Ashley (Aiden's mother, gonna be renamed like Ashton), Sirius, nameless guy, and Ashton (at least in the rewrite version, though 2013 was mostly similar) so. Ashley and nameless guy are married for love. partners in crime and all that jazz Sirius has a mild crush on Ashley since basically he's a teenager, but due to unspecified war between the Sky and Flame, obviously does not act on that until his father dies and Sirius goes "hey Fintan. Wanna end this war and do political marriage stuff wink wink" So, (this is specifically rewrite lore), they get married, with the stipulation that their first child will be the heir to the Sky, and their second will be heir to Flame, as at the time Ashley was Fintan's only child and therefore the heir to Flame. Ashley is Not Happy, but since marriage to nameless guy was basically secret shotgun wedding, Fintan doesn't know and she doesn't want to tell him about it. Plus, she's like "nah let's keep going with this war stuff I kinda hate Sky." well due to political shenanigans she gets strongarmed into the political marriage, but she and nameless dude conspire that okay, if she has to do this, then she's gonna take down the Sky Kingdom from the inside, using her child the heir of the Sky (Aiden) She refuses to have a second child, which Fintan catches onto after a while, and either planned or a happy accident, Ashton is born and declared the heir of Flame Ashley then kidnaps Aiden once his wings grow and cuts them off so he'll look a better Flame puppet, things backfire and she gets caught and imprisoned for that, with nameless guy slipping free of justice

and apparently in the 2013 version Ashley and nameless guy planned to kill off Sirius if Aiden was born Flame, and when he was born Sky they cut off his wings basically out of spite so there's that, and also planned to throw Ashley under the bus for cutting off Aiden's wings so nameless guy could keep their evil plans going.

also apparently I used to not be consistent whether I used Sky or Air. Cause Aiden's referred to as a Child of Air here, but in the title it's very specifically Child of Flame and Sky, and I've definitely standardized it to be the Sky by now

Aiden honey it's the simplest fucking code and Fintan practically gave it to you I'm begging you to be smart honey no Fintan has to be explicit before Aiden gets it okay *disappointed sigh in my blorbo*

and again with the knocking people out, not killing them shenanigans lol

whump and trauma time!!

damn that's gotta be not hygienic, an operating table stained with blood that's about 2 decades old

that's called a concussion my dear Aiden <3

yeah okay that's some fuckin racism right there (to be fair, framed as a bad thing, but still. sheesh)

another cat break. she's very pretty and purrsuasive what can i say?

James, honey, I understand what you're going for, but this is a shit way to comfort your very traumatized husband right now

okay and immediate 180 into cute teenage Alec and Ryder shenanigans, okay lol

Alec you wannabe-suave motherfucker lol

Ryder: blushes red Me: but his blood is blue!! And if it's later in this version that I mention James blushing blue or something like that I'm gonna take a drink for this mistake. I know I def fixed that by like, the rewrite lol

Ah yes, Alec is taking after his uncle :P aka please honey, I know you're being romantic, but get a fucking yes outta him first before you start kissing him also I'm 90% sure I've swapped their personalities now lol like CoFaS Alec: wannabe-suave and flirty CoFaS Ryder: awkward, unsure of how to react Band AU Alec: unsure of how to react when cute boy flirts with him Band AU Ryder: friendly and outgoing and willing to flirt with cute boys

Okay he did get a yes this time so baby steps in the right direction!

goddamn nerds lol

Okay this is both a. the origins of the kitten nickname for Aiden and b. the origins of the fox association i sometimes have for Alec

"The cat didn't answer, being a cat" I LOVE THIS SO MUCH

do do do do do WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY? Alec: the fox says fuck off (I have that as a reoccurring joke between Alex and Jason. Cause Jason's a fox shapeshifter in OG/ASTHC canon and they are my 2013-2015 meme children)

Yeah I definitely swapped who's the more uuuuuh... dom is the best word I can think of in this relationship

lmao somehow despite knowing Alec since they were both ~2 Ryder somehow doesn't know that's a nickname

Also, Alec having premonitions of the future is what inspired Lexi in the rewrite to have them as well. Alec inherits a decent amount from his mother: her premonitions, her purple-tipped wings, I can't think of more rn lol

Okay I do like describing Alec as ashen because. He looks more Flame than Sky lol

Aiden no stop that that's shitty parenting!

and Alec has a very valid reaction to Aiden and then Ryder continually using his dumb name! good for you Alec! "I would have never told you if I knew you would abuse it like this!" Ah. see this? this hurts in an "Alec honey you're so fucking right" way

Ryder that's real fuckin shit of you to be like "ok come here I'll comfort you" only to immediately turn around and try and control your boyfriend again. I know you have orders from his dad, but that's still really fuckin shit of you dude luckily Alec has the proper response of slapping Ryder and calling him out on his bullshit

i like how outta all the characters, Ryder is the one who has no restrictions on killing people. At the beginning of this arc he was introduced as training with James to be part of the royal guard, and now like 3/4 scenes later he's just straight up killed at least 2 people on screen. goddamn ma boi

“Knife training 101,” he said, almost irritated. “Stab them, don’t get stabbed yourself, try to aim for the head or heart. Understand?” fuckin lmao

welcome to the trauma boat Alec! your dad will help you get acquainted. probably

hello deus-ex-machina my old friend, you've probably appeared before but this is the most blatant to me

You know, the thought just occurred to me: Sirius with Aiden: kingly duties come before parental duties Aiden: yeah that sounds about right Aiden with Alec: Parental duties come before kingly duties Alec: you have king stuff to do and that obviously takes precedence over me

That line is a goddamn quote and I don't remember from what book potentially a Shadowhunters book??? update I looked it up and the answer is yes and of course it's a malec quote lol i'm still fucking soft for malec despite not having read any shadowhunters books since high school let me live (fun aside: i got selo to read those books and she came to tennis practice and yelled across the court "WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH ALL THE INCEST" and i just died laughing and told her to wait for whatever the book was (CoG, if I remember correctly is when the incest is revealed to not be incest. not that I cared that was/is my least favorite ship) ANYHOOT)

yeah okay that whole bit is making me laugh harder than it should. curse you wine lol

anyways this was 100% the origin of Willow and Wisp before I coopted them for Nova!

oh my fucking god so the chapter that was origins of Aiden = cat and Alec = fox apparently was added later, potentially near the end of that NaNo. You know how I know that? cause I remember having to edit this scene for continuity and it's still awkward as hell!

poor babby Alec. he's doin his best and also nobody has told him "hey your boyfriend's alive" yet

god Rowan is just. a fuckin cardboard cutout of a character. he has no personality beyond what's necessary in the moment

Aiden this is not the way to deal with your son grieving his boyfriend just fuckin tell him ffs

I do appreciate Aiden just full naming Alec and not dumb naming him when he's like "Alec stop doing the dumb thing you're doing"

more Aiden whump! and cute Alec and Ryder reunion dawww

"Aiden was struggling for something to distract him from the pain, to distract his mind from the fact that his entire forearm was cut open and the skin peeled away for wires." goddamn my dude. you're really having a rough time aren't you lol

Oh my god I just shifted POV in the middle of a scene goddamnit

sir i really doubt you could avoid a gunshot at basically point blank range lol

And at this point, I fucked up bc Alec escaped in the last scene, and then I had him fighting alongside Ryder in this scene until I remembered continuity is a thing and went back to fix it lol

James sir water is not a softer landing than sand, especially from high up lol

oh my god i remember that i was gonna make that a thing throughout all my universes, and then i never did except for maybe the original OG James and Aiden story that got scrapped XD

and another pov shift in the middle of a scene smh

they are both such stubborn bastards omg

yeah of course they've been happy too long we've gotta add the misunderstandings plot in :P

Ah yes some good ol' fashioned sexism :P

yaas bois communicate like the fuckin adults you are

oh those nerds

so we're winding up the "story" which means major time skips now!

oh this is..... not the best way to kill off a character, but hey, i guess i wanted to get one last stab in at Aiden huh?

good lord that was...... something. later chapters were better than earlier ones, though that may have been because the level of tipsiness was higher lmao. but also I just like drama more and the early chapters were a lot more awkward setting up shit while later ones were "hey have actual situations with consequences!" if that makes any sense. If not, that's cool, i'm hella tipsy anyways

anyhoot, kudos to past me for doing that while being in high school + doing theater (pretty sure we were close to if not putting on a show during november) + finding time to binge watch Sword Art Online + all the shenanigans required of being a functional member of the family. I have no idea what I was on during high school but gotdamn would I like a hit or three now lol

So, two nights and 1.5 bottles of wine later, I bid you adieu. have fun, don't die, don't get kidnapped, I'll see y'all with my last couple spotify wrapped prompts soonish and then in February ✌️

[likeshipsonthesea]

Pls !!

Pls post the ayuan and lan zhan ficlet u wrote 🥺 !!! We would love to read it !!

sorry for the late response, i didn’t have a chance to edit until last night and i thought your ask would be the perfect way to avoid having to title this lmao. here is the yuan and lan zhan ficlet!! it takes place ~somewhat early~ in lan zhan’s seclusion following wei wuxian’s death and yuan is about idk five??

anyway, enjoy :))

Yuan lays awake in a large, quiet room. He can’t be sure, but it feels as if it’s been hours since the caretaker put him to bed, and still he has yet to fall asleep. Instead, he listens to the emptiness around him and tries to blink away the monsters his mind conjures from the murky darkness around him. It doesn’t work.

He doesn’t remember exactly why, but he thinks that this is wrong. Lying alone in a room full of empty beds. Beds should be full, of people snoring and talking in their sleep, of people who sing Yuan lullabies before bed and hold him when he wakes from nightmares. He doesn’t know why he thinks this – it isn’t as if these things have happened in Cloud Recesses. All he knows is that the quiet and the dark and the loneliness is worse than anything else in the world.

Knowing it’s against the rules, Yuan gets out of bed. He crosses to the window, where he can look out at the courtyard beyond his room, moonlit and bright. No one is out this late, but the light makes it better anyway. It’s cool in the mountains at night, even in summer. A breeze drifts in and Yuan shivers, missing the warmth of his blankets, but he can’t return to the darkness, not without –

The courtyard is full of what seems to be millions of white pebbles, glittering like tiny moons as far as he can see. Yuan likes the moon. The moon is bright and smiling and always watching, always stays awake when the world gets quiet.

“Don’t worry, A-Yuan,” a voice said to him, once. “I’ll keep watch while you sleep and make sure the nightmares can’t find you.” He doesn’t remember who said it, but he remembers the safety he’d felt. The moon – the moon feels like that.

Another breeze sends Yuan shivering. Maybe – maybe if he could bring the moon back to bed with him, the nightmares and the loneliness and the darkness wouldn’t be able to find him. Mind suddenly made up, he crawls out of the window, taking careful, barefoot steps across the warm, wooden boardwalk to the courtyard full of little moons. He grabs a handful and peruses them.

One has dirt smudged over it, so he tosses it back, and one is missing a chunk like someone got so hungry they just couldn’t help themselves and, with a giggle at the thought, he puts that one back, too. He goes through the pebbles, weighing each one’s advantages until he comes to the final pair.

Hands flat to the sky, one moon perched in the center of each palm, he brings the pebbles to his face for a better look. They are both seemingly perfect. Smooth, unblemished little circles, each one shimmering, smiling, equal in every way. Yuan frowns.

How can he pick just one? Both pebbles are perfect and if he chooses one over the other, he will surely hurt that one’s feelings. But he can’t take both! Two moons for one boy! How greedy can he be?

So troubled is he by this conundrum that he almost doesn’t hear the soft music breaking the dark silence of the night. 

But with another gust of mountain air comes low, drawn-out notes, unlike anything Yuan has ever heard. He’s heard music before – his uncle plays his xiao for Yuan sometimes at their weekly dinners and, before that, he thinks someone who loved him played him lullabies on a dizi – but never has Yuan heard something like the song the wind carries now.

It makes him feel sad, a little, without really knowing why, but he’s used to that. More than that, though, it sounds like magic. The stories the caretakers read him sometimes have music. Young maidens singing songs of longing for their cultivators to rescue them, clever heroes distracting ghouls with witty tunes. Yuan has long thought up his own stories in these veins, though his tend more towards – towards a song that drifts in from the woods, that only Yuan can hear. It guides Yuan to a secret house where his parents have been waiting for him. Here, they hug him and smile, tell him they love him, tell him they never meant to leave him, tell him they’ll never do it again.

Yuan knows the rules. The caretakers read the rules for him more than they read him the stories. He knows he shouldn’t go off into the woods at night. He shouldn’t have climbed out the window either, though. Yuan thinks about it really hard for a moment and then decides that, if he’s already done something wrong, he might as well do this, too.

Yuan hasn’t a clue where such a thought comes from – Heaven knows he didn’t learn it in Cloud Recesses – but it seems logically sound to him. So, a moon clutched in either hand, he follows the music out of the courtyard, off of the porch, and into the trees beyond.

With bare feet and little legs, it feels like ages that he walks. He steps over pointy things that hurt his toes and hurries across cold stones that send chills up his legs. Once, the music stops, and Yuan holds his breath and his two moons tightly and almost begins to cry before another song appears, different than the one before. Where the last one was sad, this one is light, soaring and settling and sighing with fond notes, so loud in the darkened forest.

Not long after that song begins, Yuan comes to a clearing. Sprouting from the center of it is an understated home with a lantern flickering in its window. Yuan breaks into a sprint, heedless of the twigs that catch on his soles, doesn’t even wait to knock before tearing open the doors and stumbling inside.

At a low table sits a man dressed in all white, fingers poised but paused over the strings of a guqin. He looks at Yuan with a nearly passive expression, excepting the too-wideness of his eyes. He looks – familiar. Yuan doesn’t remember his parents, but this must be – he has to be –

“Baba?”

The man startles. “A-Yuan,” he says, and Yuan’s small heart goes shooting around in his chest. He knows Yuan’s name. He knows Yuan’s name.

“Baba.”

Yuan rushes to his father’s side, collapses next to him and buries his face in the fabric of his baba’s robes. With the stones still in his hands, he can’t tangle his fingers in the robes the way he wants to, he can only press his fists as tight to his father’s chest as he can.

He only realizes that he’s crying when Baba’s hand settles on his shaking back. He doesn’t know why he’s crying – he’s anything but sad – but Baba doesn’t tell him to stop or to meditate like the caregivers do, he just lets Yuan cry into his chest until he can take a breath without it shivering in his throat.

“A-Yuan,” Baba says again, in a soft, low voice Yuan wishes he could remember, “how did you come here?”

Yuan sniffles. “The music.” Did Baba not mean to call him? Did he not want to see Yuan?

“No one stopped you?”

“Everyone’s asleep,” Yuan says. He pulls away far enough to crane his neck back and peer at Baba’s face. “I climbed out the window.”

Baba doesn’t smile, but something in the way his mouth moves makes Yuan think that he wants to.

“Going out alone is not safe,” Baba says, but it doesn’t sound like the scolding the caregivers give. It sounds softer.

“I’m safe,” Yuan says, still defensive, at least a little. He hates punishments, especially the ones where they leave him alone to copy rules. He hates being alone.

Baba hums mildly and looks at Yuan’s feet. Kneeling as he is, the soles of his feet face the room, and the stings and scrapes he suffered on the trip over are visible. Yuan notices, then, the small spot of blood he’s made on the rug and begins to cry again.

He turns and buries his face in Baba’s side again, rushing through the words like all the breath from his lungs has disappeared. “I’m sorry, Baba, please don’t leave again, I’ll be good, I promise, I won’t do it again, please don’t go, please.”

Baba stiffens and Yuan cries harder. He doesn’t want Baba to leave, he doesn’t want the silence and the darkness and the caregivers who leave and let the nightmares find him, he wants Baba to hug him and tell him he’ll keep him safe and hold him when he wakes up in the middle of the night feeling like he’s been left alone in the world.

“A-Yuan,” Baba says softly, “let us clean you up.”

Baba picks Yuan up and he clings harder. Baba has to untangle Yuan’s arms around his neck when he kneels to place Yuan on the bed. He says, “I will be right back,” and crosses the room to take out a box before returning just as he said. Yuan’s tears slow as Baba kneels in front of him.

Baba takes a piece of cloth from the box at his side and wets it before bringing it gently to the soles of Yuan’s feet. He wipes away the blood and dirt and lifts Yuan’s foot to examine the cuts. He takes out a funny smelling jar and puts the stuff in it on Yuan’s foot. It tickles. Yuan laughs.

Baba looks up when he laughs. His mouth does the not-smile thing but his eyes look sad. “Dont be sad, Baba,” Yuan says. Baba hums and looks back at Yuan’s feet.

When he’s done, he returns the items to the box and returns the box to its place before he comes back to kneel in front of Yuan again. Yuan thinks that Baba isn’t mad – he wouldn’t be so nice if he were mad, right? – but he isn’t sure, so he says nothing, just watches Baba watching him.

“A-Yuan,” he says, after a very long time, “I didn’t want to leave you.”

Yuan’s heart beats too fast in his chest. It’s what he’s wondered about, ever since he asked Uncle where his parents were and Uncle didn’t tell him. If they were dead, Uncle could’ve just said, but he didn’t, which meant, maybe, that they’d just left. Left Yuan. Didn’t want Yuan.

Baba reaches out and Yuan holds his breath. Baba’s hand stops a few breaths away and Yuan squeezes his moons so tight it hurts. After another moment, Baba’s fingers brush away some stray hairs from Yuan’s forehead, thumb smoothing over his hairline.

“Can I stay with you?” Yuan whispers, afraid that, if he’s too loud, someone will hear him and come and take him back.

Baba shakes his head, a short gesture. “You must stay with the Sect.”

Yuan hates that the tears come again, hates how they make Baba’s eyes go tight. “Why?”

“They can take care of you,” Baba says quietly. “I cannot.”

“Forever?”

“No.” Baba’s thumb brushes against his skin again. “Just for now.”

“Can I visit?”

Baba frowns. He seems to think about it for a moment. “We will see,” he says. “You cannot walk here in the dark again. It is not safe.”

Yuan nods. He doesn’t want to upset Baba. But, he has to ask – “Do you want me to visit?”

Baba nods without hesitation. “Very much.”

Yuan smiles and, careful of his sore feet, throws himself forward into Baba’s arms. Baba huffs in surprise but holds Yuan close, his big hands warm on Yuan’s back.

He holds Yuan for quite some time – not enough, though – before he says, “You must return.”

Yuan holds on tighter but nods. Baba stands, Yuan still in his arms, and carries him out of the house. Yuan thinks he’s going to be put down, once they’re outside, but Baba carries him through the woods the whole way. Yuan presses his cheek to Baba’s chest and listens to his heart beating. He thinks this is what parents are for, to hold you in the dark, to keep you safe. He doesn’t know if Baba is the voice in his memories – he sounds too different – but he knows that Baba must love him the same, love him enough to stay up all night and keep the nightmares away, if he could.

When they get back to Yuan’s big room with all the empty beds, Baba very quietly and gracefully steps through the window. Yuan giggles. Baba says nothing, but his mouth does the not-smile, and he lays Yuan in his bed and pulls the blankets up to his chin.

“Will you stay?” Yuan asks, suddenly so tired, in the comfort of his bed, Baba watching over him.

“I cannot,” Baba says, eyes sad again. Yuan swallows hard. Baba can’t stay. Yuan will be alone, with the dark and the empty beds, alone with no one to watch over him again—

Yuan remembers the moons and gasps, opening both of his palms. Baba’s eyebrows raise a little. Yuan turns and places one moon on the table next to his bed. It shines and shimmers and smiles. It will keep the nightmares away, while Baba cannot. Yuan looks to the other moon, warm in his hand, and looks back to Baba.

Baba must return, now, to his own empty room. He will have to blow out the lantern and lie down to sleep in silence and darkness, just like Yuan.

Yuan holds out the pair to his perfect moon. Baba stares at it. Yuan explains, “To keep the nightmares away.”

Baba stares at the pebble some more. After quite a long time, he reaches out with careful fingers and takes the moon. “Thank you, A-Yuan,” he says, quiet, the not-smile on his lips.

Yuan beams sleepily. His eyelids drag heavy, leaving him blinking slowly as he tries to stay awake as long as he can, take in as much of Baba as he can, while he can. But Baba smooths his free hand over Yuan’s blankets, brushes warm fingers against his hair. It feels—it just feels so nice. Yuan can’t fight the sleep that embraces him.

“Goodnight, A-Yuan,” he hears, soft and low, when his eyes shut and refuse to open again.

“G’night, Baba,” Yuan says around a yawn.

He doesn’t remember Baba leaving. In the morning, he wakes up alone in the room full of empty beds, the sunlight still cold and thin, early as it is. Yuan shivers with it, wondering if it had all been a dream, one of his dearest dreams, a dream where his parents, his baba, loves him and wants him and never wanted to leave him. It’s like the made-up stories the caretakers tell him. It can’t be true.

But then Yuan turns, sees the perfect round moon sitting on his bedside table, and he knows. He knows Baba loves him.

[petersasteria]

harry and some things never change?

THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING THIS BECAUSE THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE FROZEN 2 SONGS SKSKSKS I LOVE YOU FOR THIS SIS

Some Things Never Change - Harry Holland

"𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐞, 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐰𝐞 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐞"

They’re all aged up because why not lmao

1.1k words

You and Harry had history together. You dated for four years which started when you were 17 until your break up at age 21. It wasn’t what both of you wanted, but you and him had different paths and at that time, both of you thought it wouldn’t work between the two of you.

So as much as it hurt, both of you had to let each other go. Tom described it as the “break up of the century”. He was overreacting, but in his defense, everyone was used to having you around and suddenly it just hits different when the holidays were in season and you weren’t there celebrating with them.

Both of you still followed each other on Instagram, though. You saw all of Harry’s adventurous posts and stories and he saw you attending college parties and occasionally going dates; friendly or not. Harry didn’t care if you were seeing anyone because what mattered to him most was your happiness.

Now at 25 years old, you still haven’t seen Harry in person yet. The last time you saw him was all those years ago during the break up. So it was a surprise that both of you were home at the same time.

It was your parents’ wedding anniversary and your older sister and brother planned the whole event. You arrived at the venue and immediately felt a wave of nostalgia course through you. You greeted your parents first and they were happy that you were home. After all, you weren’t always home.

“Y/N, it’s so nice to see you!” Your older sister smiled and hugged you.

“It’s nice to see you too, sis.” You giggled. Rob, your sister’s husband, greeted you too and you returned the politeness. You were catching up with everyone when one table caught your eye and you knew you had to go over there.

“May I be excused?” You said. Your older brother, Jake, nodded and smiled, “Go for it. I know which table you want to go to.”

You playfully rolled your eyes and approached the family that you haven’t seen in years. “Do my eyes deceive me? Or is the Holland family really here?” You smirked a little.

“Y/N!” Nikki gasped and stood up from her seat to give you a hug. You hugged her back and grinned, “Aww, I missed you!”

“I missed you too, love. We all did.” Nikki pulled away and looked at you up and down. “You look really good! You’re definitely different from years ago. It’s a good different!” She praised.

“Thank you, Nikki.” You smiled.

“Sit with us! There’s an extra seat.” Nikki sat down and motioned for you to sit on the empty seat near her. Both of you began chatting with Paddy piping up once in a while, but you heard familiar voices and you turned around to see Tom, Harry, and Sam.

“Oh my god, Y/N!” Tom gasped and practically ran to you. You stood up and met him in the middle to give him a hug. He picked you up and spun you around, “Oh my god! I missed you!”

“I missed you too!” You grinned. He pulled away and smiled, “You look great!”

You’ve always been Tom’s favorite. Ever since Harry brought you home when you were 17, Tom has been very fond of you. You weren’t like the others. Harry started dating a year prior and he hasn’t been fond of the girls he introduces. So, to say that you were a breath of fresh air for the family was an understatement.

You hugged Sam and then you hugged Harry. “It’s been so long!” Harry laughed. 

“Yeah! Four years is a long time, H. A really long time.” You giggled. You both pulled away and looked at each other.

“Wow, you look older.” He joked.

“So do you.” You winked. The rest of the Holland family watched your interaction and Tom was basically your biggest fan. You sat back down and Harry was next to you and it felt great because there was no bad blood and it’s like you just picked up where you left off.

Tom smiled at the sight in front him and he couldn’t help but ask if you were seeing anyone. Harry went on a few dates and Tom wasn’t really happy with the girls Harry picked because he liked you for Harry.

“So Y/N,” Tom started. “Are you seeing anyone?”

“Tom!” Nikki hissed.

“What? It was just as question.” Tom shrugged it off as Sam and Paddy laughed.

“No, I’m not seeing anyone.” You chuckled.

“Really? That’s weird. You’re 25 and not dating?” Tom said. “You know, Harry’s not dating too.”

Harry groaned, “I think I know where this is going.”

“Come on, Harry!” Tom whined. “Both of you are single after 4 years of not being together. Don’t you think it’s a sign?”

“Yeah. Come on, you two!” Sam said. “I think it’s fate.”

“I normally don’t butt in, but I agree.” Paddy said which surprised all of you. “Some things just never change, y’know? And two of you are just that.”

“He’s right.” Nikki smiled. “Why don’t you two give it another shot?”

“Just talk about it.” Dom suggested. “But I think I speak for everyone on this table when I say that we love Y/N and she’s like family now.”

Your heart melted and smiled at Dom as a thank you. Nikki nodded in agreement, “Yes! Y/N, darling, Dom and I really love the idea of being your in-laws and I can already see it happening.”

“Mum!” Harry said.

“Harry, don’t lie. I know you wanted to propose to her before.” Nikki mentioned.

“MUM, THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SECRET.” Harry’s eye widened in fear. “I’ll-I’ll get some air.” He stood up and left the building.

Tom rested his hand on top of yours and said, “Hey, at least now you know that you were in his future and you technically still are. I think you should go after him.”

You looked at everyone and nodded. You stood up from your table and went to the direction Harry went. He was outside the building, sitting on the stairs as people passed by.

‘Hi Harry.” You sat down next to him. “Planned on proposing, huh?”

“Yeah.” Harry chortled. “I was young and stupid, but I knew you were the one for me. Everyone said it too.”

“I would’ve said yes, though. Despite being young. We could’ve postponed it for a bit.” You said honestly. He looked at you in shock, “Really?”

You nodded with a smile, “Really. I love you and I never stopped. Maybe we would be married by now or something.”

“Let’s start again, then.” Harry said. “S’not too late, I hope.”

You shook your head, “Nope, it’s not. How about dinner tomorrow at 7?”

“Deal.” Harry smiled. 

"𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐞, 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬 𝐮𝐧𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐧"

* * * *

𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐘 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @sufwubi @abrielleholland @osterfieldnholland @purplepizza-summerrain @euphorichxlland @marshxx @lizzyosterfield @itstaskeen @ilarbu @justanamesstuff

𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @marvelousell @justasmisunderstoodasloki @rubberducky-jrr @petersholland @osterfieldnholland @miraclesoflove @god-knows-what-am-i-doing @perspectiveparker @hollands-weasley @itstaskeen @call-me-baby-gir1 @the-panwitch @iamaunicorn4704 @chloecreatesfictions @holland-styles @halfblood-princess-505 @spidey-reids-2003 @whatthefuckimbisexual @justanothermarvelmaniac @unsaidholland @musicalkeys @lost-in-the-stars03 @hufflepuffprincess24

[silverlightqueen]

Cursed

silverlightqueen’s SKZ Scarefest

wizard!Seungmin x human!reader - crack comedy, y/n’s a bit of a spoilt brat and Seungmin is not down for it lol

Word Count: 3k+

Summary - Seungmin is the best wizard in town. Poisoned by a pixie? Battered by a troll? Bitten by a were? Whatever the magical injury, Seungmin can fix it in the bat of an eyelid. So when y/n is cursed by a witch and needs his help, she expects to leave his lair curseless only a few minutes later. But her plan… doesn’t quite go to plan.

Warnings: y/n is a total judgemental bitch lmao and Seungmin wants to teach her a lesson, brief mention of blood and vomit, I think that’s it but please let me know if I missed else!

a/n: and here is the seventh instalment of my SKZ Scarefest! I really hope you guys enjoy this, and thank you @silverlightprincess​ for being the best (she didn’t proofread this either but she’s about to read it after I post it and check for mistakes which I will go back and edit lmao). please be sure to check out the previous parts and keep an eye out for the next parts too x

taglist: @kodzu-ken​ @cloudsgathering​ @silverlightprincess

silverlightqueen navigation

‘Hi, how can I help?’ the receptionist says, looking up from her computer to give me a friendly smile. ‘Hi, I’ve got an appointment with Dr Kim at 1.30,’ I say, and she blinks at me in surprise before looking at her computer, clicking away. ‘Ah, y/n y/l/n, is it? You booked yesterday?’ ‘Yes, that’s me.’ ‘You’re lucky to get an appointment with Dr Kim so late. And during his lunch break, too! Do you know him?’ she asks, and I hesitate before replying, ‘I used to. We… went to school together.’ ‘Oh, that’s nice! Well, take a seat and I’ll let him know you’re here,’ she says cheerily, and I give her a weak smile before turning to take a seat.

The District 9 Doctors’ Surgery is unlike any Doctors’ Surgery I’ve ever seen before; the reception is relatively normal, with its cold lighting, linoleum flooring and hard backed chairs, but the patients are quite… abnormal. A man is sat two seats away from me, his body covered in hair and long sharp claws protruding from his fingers – I hear him telling the fairy beside him, whose wings are wilted and colourless, that he hasn’t been able to fully turn into his wolf form or his human form for weeks. Opposite them, a vampire sits with a bucket in his lap, vomiting blood into it every few moments, and the centaur stood beside his seat with his tail wrapped in a bloody bandage rubs his back soothingly. I think I’m the only human in here.

Normally, I’d have driven out to the Doctors’ Surgery in the next district – everyone knows that The District 9 Doctors’ Surgery caters specifically to magical injuries – but I somehow don’t think my problem can be solved by a human doctor. When I phoned the surgery yesterday, I asked for the next possible appointment. I was told by the receptionist that that wouldn’t be until mid-November, which never would’ve worked. So I did what I swore I wouldn’t do, and asked the receptionist to ask Dr Kim if he had any availability for y/n y/l/n. The receptionist sounded sceptical, but he put me on hold anyway, and came back to tell me that Dr Kim said he could just about fit me in.

‘Miss y/l/n? Dr Kim is ready to see you in Room 13,’ the receptionist calls out, and I rise from my chair, passing the vomiting vampire with a wince. I head down the clinical corridor, white bar lights flickering overhead, and when I reach Room 13, I take a deep breath and raise my hand to the door. I knock once, twice, and then wait to be told to come in. I hear nothing. I roll my eyes, knocking again a few moments later, and then I hear him call out, ‘Come in!’

I turn the handle, tentatively opening the door and slipping into the room. Whilst the reception may have looked like any old Doctors’ Surgery, Room 13 certainly does not. The walls are black and purple, flickering yellow lamps casting an eerie glow and providing the brightness that the room needs due to having no windows. The floor is an ugly brown and red patterned carpet, the kind you find in a decades old manor house, and wooden shelves and chests of drawers are dotted around the room, covered with various suspicious looking bottles and jars. Old tapestries hang on the walls, and mismatched armchairs and beanbags sit around the rickety table in the middle of the room – I suppose it’s more of a kitchen island type thing than a table – which has a crystal ball, magic wands and various mystical objects sitting atop it. The only things in the room that don’t look otherworldly or ancient are the laptop on the table, and the man stood in front of it, typing away.

He doesn’t look up when I walk in, so I just shut the door behind me, throwing myself down onto the comfiest looking armchair, practically sinking into it. I busy myself with filing my freshly done nails – I love my nail lady, but she can somehow never get them all even – whilst I wait for him to be done. ‘I just cleaned the room and you’re getting nail filings everywhere,’ he says after a few minutes, and I roll my eyes at him. ‘Are you sure you cleaned it? It looks a state,’ I say dryly, and he lets out a little laugh as I pull a flask out of my bag. I get up from my seat and hand him the flask, ignoring his raised eyebrow. ‘Wait, is this-’ ‘Iced americano. The way you like it,’ I say, and he grins, taking it from me with badly hidden excitement. ‘Look at you. Sweetening me up,’ he observes amusedly, and I roll my eyes again. ‘I was making it for myself but now I feel a little sick, so you can have it,’ I lie, and he just gives me a suspicious side-eye before sipping from the flask and letting out a blissful sigh.

‘What are you doing here?’ he asks after a few seconds, and I sigh, dragging one of the higher chairs over to the table and sitting on it, not wanting to be a few feet shorter than him in the armchair. ‘I need your help with something,’ I say, and he looks surprised. ‘Wait, you’re actually here to be treated?’ ‘Um… yes. Why else would I be here?’ I ask confusedly, and he hesitates. ‘Thought you might be here to… see me,’ he says quietly, and I feel a little awkward. ‘I… Seungmin, you have to understand w-’ ‘I understand, y/n, I completely understand, and I don’t blame you. It’s just that I’ve… missed you. And I don’t mean I’ve missed our relationship. I’ve missed you in my life. You don’t even show up to family events anymore, and my mum keeps asking why she hasn’t seen you. I don’t have the heart to tell her what happened,’ he murmurs, my heart twisting with guilt. I’m not quite sure what to say, desperately wracking my brains, but there isn’t anything to say, so we’re both silent.

Seungmin and I grew up living in houses opposite each other. Our parents were best friends, so we were best friends. We remained that way through nursery, all of school, and into our adult lives too. I was quite proud of having a wizard best friend who could solve nearly any problem I ever had. He made sure I never failed any tests, hurt myself, got into trouble, and he fixed anything I ever broke, found everything I ever lost, made sure nothing bad ever happened to me. And then we did the worst thing we could’ve done, and we fell in love with each other. Two years later, I had aged two years, and Seungmin had not – wizards are immortal, and so he stopped aging from the age of 18. 22-year-old me was dating 18-year-old Seungmin. It doesn’t seem like much of an issue, but I started thinking about the future. What about when I turned 30, and Seungmin still hadn’t aged a day into adulthood? When we’d had a child together, and he looked more like the kid’s sibling than the father?

‘Anyway… what’s wrong? Why’d you need my help?’ he asks, and I sigh deeply. ‘Basically… I was at the club with Chaeryeong the other night, and we were in the toilets, and I was putting on lipgloss. This girl next to me asked if she could use it, and I was like, ‘um, no’, because who shares lipgloss with a stranger in a club, and she got angry and started saying, ‘you think you’re so gorgeous, and you think you’re better than me,’ and basically went off on one, so I may have retaliated slightly, and turns out she was a witch, so she put a curse on me,’ I explain all in one breath, and Seungmin raises a sceptical eyebrow. ‘You wanna tell me what really happened?’ he asks, and I blink once, twice, before sighing.

‘She asked to borrow my lipgloss and I was kinda drunk and I may have been a bit of a bitch and told her she needed more than just lipgloss to fix her face,’ I admit ashamedly, and Seungmin’s mouth falls open. ‘y/n!’ ‘What? It’s not like I lied! Her makeup was terrible! It was the completely wrong colour for her skin, she hadn’t blended it, her eyelashes weren’t the right shape for her eyes and she hadn’t glued them on properly so they were hanging off, her eyeshadow clashed with her lipstick, it was all terrible! I wasn’t about to let her put my expensive ass lipgloss on top of that god-awful lipstick. So I tried to give her some girl-to-girl advice, but I was drunk so it came out the wrong way!’ I say defensively, Seungmin shaking his head at me in disbelief.

‘Did you tell her all those things? ‘…I may have, yes.’ ‘You’re such a bitch, y/n. Maybe she did her makeup like that on purpose. Maybe no one’s ever taught her how to do makeup. You didn’t need to come for her like that. God,’ he says, voice laced with shock and disappointment, and I feel like a little kid being told off by their teacher. ‘I apologised when she started crying b-’ ‘You made her cry?’ he demands, voice going up a few octaves, and I pout. ‘I didn’t mean to! I apologised, but she was already angry, so she cursed me,’ I say in a small voice, Seungmin’s unimpressed gaze making me feel quite ashamed. Not that I didn’t already! He’s just making me feel worse.

‘What was the curse she put on you?’ he asks, and I let out an angry noise just at the thought of it. ‘That I’ll age to look quadruple how old I actually am,’ I spit, and his eyebrows furrow in confusion. ‘I’ve never heard that before. She probably just said it to scare you.’ ‘That’s what I thought. Until this happened,’ I say, turning my head away and lifting up my hair to reveal the base of my neck. I hear him suck in a breath, knowing he’s seeing the lock of hair at the back of my head, the one that’s now a powdery grey colour, wiry and ratty amongst the perfectly healthy hair that I put so much effort into looking after.

‘My body’s getting achy and I’ve got all these pains everywhere that I didn’t have a couple days ago. So I think the curse is real, Seungmin,’ I say seriously, and he nods, looking thoughtful. ‘So you want me to lift the curse off you?’ he asks, and I nod, giving him my best wide innocent eyes. ‘Can you do it?’ I ask, and he’s silent for a moment before replying, ‘I can. But I won’t.’ My heart drops, my mouth falling open slightly, and I blink at him a few times before I say, ‘what do you mean, you won’t?’ ‘I won’t lift the curse off you. You were rude and bitchy to that girl and not once have you shown me that you feel guilty about it. Instead, you’re sat here defending yourself and complaining about her like a little brat, so I think this should teach you a lesson,’ he says simply, and I stare at him in shock.

‘You’re joking, right? I demand, anger flaring through me at the way his eyes sparkle with mirth. ‘No, I’m being serious, actually. You judged that girl based on how she looked – I’m sure if she was conventionally pretty, with flawless makeup, you’d have lent her your lipgloss without a second thought, and probably becomes best friends with her too. That girl might have been the nicest person you’d ever come across. But you wouldn’t know, because you were mean to her. Now, the shoe will be on the other foot. You’ve coasted through life getting what you want because you’re pretty, and now that you’ll look all wrinkly and saggy, we’ll see how you like being on the receiving end of people’s judgement,’ he says cheerfully, my mouth falling open more and more as he speaks.

‘Seungmin, I’m sorry for being a bitch. I really am, and I do regret it. But surely that slightly bitchy behaviour doesn’t warrant this. Me looking like an ancient pensioner! I’ve learnt my lesson. Please don’t do this,’ I say desperately, starting to actually worry that he might not lift the curse. ‘Hmm, I don’t know if you have learnt your lesson, y/n. It’s not like I can take your word for it, because if I didn’t know you any better, you’d have gotten away with telling me a twisted version of what really happened. You’re a compulsive liar. So, I apologise, but I won’t be lifting the curse,’ he says seriously, but his lips are quirked up at the corners, making me realise he’s actually amused by this situation.

‘Seungmin, this isn’t a joke! You cannot let this happen to me!’ I shriek, panic making my hands shake, and he raises an eyebrow at me. ‘Shouting won’t make me change my mind,’ he says dryly, the two of us staring at each other, very different emotions in our gazes, and he sighs a few moments later. ‘How about this? When you show a true act of selflessness and generosity without any kind of judgement, the curse will break,’ he says, taking my hands into his as he speaks, and when I register his words, I snatch them away angrily. ‘No! I don’t want any stupid conditions or things I have to do! Just take the fucking curse off me, Min!’ I scream, fury making my voice waver, and he just laughs.

‘You took your hands away too late – it’s done now. This will teach you your lesson,’ he grins, and I want to literally throw myself across the table and teach him a lesson instead. ‘Seungie, please,’ I pout, stooping lower than I ever thought I would, and he hesitates for a moment before shaking his head, crossing his arms over his chest. ‘No, y/n. It’s done. Try not to judge someone based on their appearance for once, and you’ll be rewarded for it,’ he says mildly, and I just stare at him in disbelief for a few moments. ‘Are you doing this because I dumped you?’ I ask, unable to believe he simply wants to teach me a lesson, and he bursts out into laughter. ‘Flattering yourself a little there, aren’t you? No, y/n, that’s not why. Stop trying to find reasons to play this down. There are no other factors for this punishment other than your nasty behaviour.’ ‘Punishment? What are you, my dad? You don’t get to punish me!’ ‘I know you better than your dad does, better than anyone else does, and I know you’re better than this. I’m trying to help you.’ ‘You’ve got a funny way of showing it!’ I exclaim, silence falling between us.

‘If that’s all, y/n-’ ‘If that’s all? If that’s all?’ ‘Yes. If that’s all, you can leave. I only have ten minutes left of my lunch break, and then I’ve got another appointment. So you can go,’ he says with a small grin, effectively dismissing me like a parent sends a child to their room, and I let out an angry huff. ‘I can’t believe this. Some shitty doctor you are,’ I say childishly, bitter about this lesson he’s trying to teach me, and he just rolls his eyes amusedly. ‘My thousands of satisfied patients say otherwise. But that’s okay – you can’t please everyone. Especially not judgemental little brats,’ he grins, and I let out a shrill noise of rage, pushing myself up off the seat and grabbing my bag from the armchair.

‘And I’ll take this!’ I exclaim pettily, snatching the half-empty flask from the table, and he just laughs at me, making me feel even more murderous than I already do. ‘You’ll thank me eventually, y/n,’ he says gently, and I let out another angry huff. ‘I doubt it,’ I hiss, stomping towards the door and, just as I think I can’t be any more immature, I kick the shelves nearest me, watching as it wobbles and falls over to the side before stopping mid-air. ‘Really? How childish of you,’ Seungmin says amusedly, one hand outstretched in the direction of the shelves, his magic holding them up, and I let out an angry scream, sounding a lot like Regina George when she was putting herself in the Burn Book to get back at Cady. Is this really what I’ve become? How embarrassing,

‘I’ll see you at Jackson’s for Halloween,’ he calls out behind me as I reach the door. ‘I wouldn’t count on it,’ I hiss venomously, ‘my brittle bones may have already given way by then. God knows if I’ll even be able to walk, thanks to you!’ ‘No, y/n, you only have yourself to blame for this,’ he says, as he shakes his head with a sad smile. ‘Oh, cut out all the philosophical teaching-moment shit,’ I spit, wrenching open the door. As I do so, one of my nails flies off my finger. Not just the fake nail my technician put on this morning. The entire nail.

I hold back a gag, hearing Seungmin stifling laughter behind me, and I look away from it, feeling quite sick. My eyes meet Seungmin’s, and he must take pity on me when he sees how they’re full of angry and helpless tears, and he waves a hand in my direction. When I look down at my hand again, the nail is back in place, good as new. I look back at him in surprise, and he looks a little embarrassed. ‘No more of your nails will fall out. But I’m not fixing anything else for you. Now go, before your stupid pretty face convinces me to lift the curse,’ he says, and I feel a little hope spark in my chest. ‘Seungie, p-’ ‘Nuh-uh. Get outta here. Now.’ ‘But S-‘ ‘y/n, I will call security!’

[izzy-b-hands]

SHOT A GUN??!? LEE OMG, now you have to tell the story cause i'm curious (same goes to ruined a surprise)

From this post, for reference for anyone seeing this who hasn’t scrolled my blog today lol

The ruined a surprise one was pretty tame, and actually has happened more than once. As a kid, I would be told not to tell my mum or another family member about a surprise being done for them for their birthday. But I always wanted to make folks happy, and that was such good news to give them, my tiny brain would tell me. So inevitably I would roll up to the Birthday Person like a week before their party and be like “wouldn’t it be cool if you had [surprise thing X] at your party? Wouldn’t that be the best?” And they would go “Is that thing going to be at my party?” and I would immediately start giggling and give away the surprise lmao. My family still doesn’t tell me surprise stuff in advance now, and tbh, that’s fair. Though I will say, I have halted my ruining of surprises lol.

Put the gun story under a cut for safety’s sake. TW for mentions of abuse mentions of rape, mentions of death, hunting (idk if it’s a trigger for anyone else, but it is for me, so I’m adding it here), and racism.

The gun story is...more lol. My ex-stepdad was a proper Midwestern racist, sexist, homophobic, redneck asshole who loved guns and the flag more than anything else (aside from himself, naturally) and as a part of trying to “bond” with me before he ended up proposing to my mum (after barely six months of dating! And she said yes! But that’s another tale) he tried to teach me and get me to use all the weapons he loved so much.

Now, the bow and arrow I legit did and do still love. I never get to use it now, but I have a bow and my arrows with their hunting tips, and refuse to get rid of them in case I ever get a chance to go to a range again and shoot some of those foam cubes (my fave targets to use.) However, he was not content for me to just use that, and he really wanted to take me hunting. 

Few issues with that: 

-At the time, I was a middle schooler campaigning against the wars in the Middle East, using what little platform I had as a kid to protest; namely wearing an actual peace sign necklace to school and challenging other kids to debates about the wars. My government and history teachers did enjoy me for that, though I will never forget the government class where they let me go up against the entire class in debate. In one corner, seventh grade me, against the wars and war in general while still respecting that at least some soldiers are people who want to do good and think they can do it by being recruited but also acknowledging that the military targets minorities of all kinds knowing they can be more vulnerable to wanting to help others, and the military can prey on that to recruit people. In the other corner, the literal rest of my class, who were all too happy to pile on me about things not even related to the debate, even the ones who admitted they were on my side of the debate, but chose to instead use this opportunity to yell at me. 

-As a result of the above point and other things, I Did Not and Do Not like guns. Not comfortable around them for many reasons, and since that age have believed in gun control. 

-Also a result of the above point, was for peace in general and was not a fan of hunting. As I grew, I learned that there are some cases where hunting is actually needed to cull populations so they don’t overrun areas, but seventh grade me didn’t know that, and just wanted all animals to be allowed to live without people like my then-stepdad hunting them. Tbh, they still should be able to live without my ex-stepdad hunting them, because he should not be allowed weapons of any kind. 

So needless to say, I didn’t want to even hold any of his guns, let alone shoot one. I managed to actually avoid that bit until after they got married. 

Then, he turned into someone completely different from who he had been when they were dating. The full story of how he was abusive and what we went through for five years isn’t something I’ll put here because this is already long, but all of that does play into why I did not want to go hunting with him (in a field, in the middle of NoDak, just me and him, no one else around for miles and no cellphones? Not cool, putting it mildly) and why I did not want to handle his guns. 

Unfortunately for me, my mum insisted I wasn’t trying hard enough to help him adjust to having a child, since he had been a single dude, married only once before for about six months, with no kids. He had nieces and a nephew, but otherwise he wasn’t used to kids. Part of my making ‘a better try’ with him was to go hunting, and let him teach me to shoot. 

So, we went out hunting a few times. Pheasant, and deer, and that was alright. I wasn’t thrilled to be out there, and I can still smell how his truck was just saturated in the scent of dead animal and I hated and still hate that scent burned into my memory, but I got through it. 

It was in the backyard of our house with his makeshift (read: not all right for guns or bows, really shitty) range that it came to a head, and I got to fire a gun for the first time. 

I still question why he gave me a pistol. You don’t really use a pistol to hunt deer, you know? And he could never tell us why he had so many extra pistols, since he did have his one for work as an officer at the Penitentiary, and it seems like that one should be enough. By the time we left him, he had two huge gun safes full of pistols and other guns, including weapons that by law no one should be able to purchase, but no one checks in on the two assholes meeting in the Wal-Mart parking lot who have trunks full of weapons they want to sell without getting in legal trouble. 

But I digress. He showed me how to hold it, to make sure I’m always pointing down-range, to only point at something I intend to shoot. To always treat the gun as if it was loaded, even if I was 99% sure it wasn’t. I give him that, because that is decent gun safety, and he could have been really terrible and not taught me that. 

Once he had me set up in front of a target, he told me to go for it, to expect the recoil (I was chubby, always have been, but I hadn’t started seriously lifting weights at that time, so my arms were really reedy and physically even that pistol’s recoil flung me back some.) 

I shot, and I wanted to drop it and run inside. It was loud, and the smell of gun smoke and ammunition is unpleasant. I felt like I’d betrayed something inside myself in that moment. This was what the troops learned how to do, what people who hurt others knew how to do. 

But my mum had been really mad at me for not being better to him (in retrospect and after therapy, I was fine, just being a kid in early puberty. My therapist says my mother should have stood up for me. I’m not in a place to assign blame like that yet, and maybe I won’t ever be.) So, I stayed put, and I shot a few more times. 

He noticed I had tears in my eyes, and started to complain about “the peaceful pussy shit getting in the way of me being taught something important” and he told me I needed to stop crying right away. I’ve never been able to do that, and I cry all the damn time; if I’m really angry or sad or happy, my body responds with tears that give me migraines that are hard to turn off once started. 

He got more angry, and told me I needed to learn how to do this because if I didn’t, what would I do if someone broke in? Would I let them hurt my mother? Rape her? Kill her? If he wasn’t there (and he often wasn’t, due to his job and his hunting trips) it would be up to me to save her, didn’t I care about knowing how to save her? 

I argued that I didn’t think a gun was the answer to that situation, that self defense and what weapons are used during it was too much for me to discuss with him. 

He started talking about the black family that had moved in down the street, about the friend I had at school who was Muslim, about how diverse (read: not that diverse, this is the mid-fuckin-west that has a long way to go re: diversity) our state was becoming.  About all the things he was ‘so sure’ they and their families would do to us, to me, if given the chance. All incorrect and horribly racist things, but he didn’t care, because he was always right, in his mind. And I wasn’t allowed to call him out and say he was wrong, or at least that was what my mother would tell me. 

“You like peace, so learn to help me keep it.” 

Instead I told him that it wasn’t right to say those things, that no one was going to try and hurt us like that, and that the notion was ridiculous. Shouting, I told him I was more scared of him and what he might do with his guns than what anyone else would do to me. 

He went very quiet, took the pistol from me (that I was still pointing at the ground, like he showed me) and told me to go to my room. 

He stayed out the rest of the night shooting his various guns, only coming in to switch weapons or get more ammo, refusing to come in for dinner until I had finished mine and was away from the table. He didn’t speak to me for the next week, and as scared as I was of him, it was some small relief that he at least wasn’t yelling at me or asking me things that made me uncomfortable. 

In a weird way, I’m glad I’ve shot one before. When I’m debating with people in my area about gun control and other issues, they instantly respect you more if you can say you’ve shot before. Otherwise, they talk over you and don’t want to listen to anything, no matter how nice or calm you say it. 

At the same time, I recoil any time I hear anything like gunshots, and I can’t ever imagine using a gun again. Even if I was told I must, I don’t think I could. I’ll hold my bow and arrow, keep the bat I keep in my room at all times to ease my paranoia, but I can’t ever imagine holding a gun again. 

[lyssala]

Dreams

Pairing: Terra/Aqua, Kingdom Hearts

Rating: K

Setting: A bit Post Kingdom Hearts 3

Notes: idk what this one is, I just wanted to write a fic about them camping and this is what I came up with lmao Its sappy but I also just loved the idea of them going back to things they used to do as kids.

AO3

The weather was chilly this early in the morning, the breeze feeling nice as Terra had already been leading the hike for about an hour. It was part of the reason he chose to do this now; while the mornings and nights were cool, but the midday was still warm enough to enjoy the outdoor weather. Soon it would be all cold, with snow coating the ground and the woods would be to dangerous to venture.

Terra adjusted the bag on his shoulders as he glanced behind him down the path. Aqua was a few steps behind, carrying her own backpack and bag on her shoulder. She was looking out off to the side, watching some deer run off in the distance. It would’ve been a peaceful, quiet hike, just the sounds of nature all around them if not for Ven’s constant stream of vocal thoughts as they walked.

“…then there also was the time we got completely lost out here like so lost I was pretty sure we would never find our way back to the castle again. Even the sun had gone down and we were still walking in circles.”

“I’d do yourself a favor and not recall who’s fault it was we were lost in the first place,” Terra said as he stepped around a large rock in the pathway. Really, he didn’t mind Ven being chatty; nature was nice but it was better to hear the voices of the people who were there with him.

“Are you implying it was my fault, Terra?” Aqua’s voice was clear, though not without a hint of a amusement; probably because she remembered the event as clearly as Ven did.

“I’m going to do myself a favor and not answer that either.”

“I knew where we were.”

“Yeah, of course you did, I never said otherwise.” He got a punch in the arm for that one but it lacked any real force. It was so long ago that any hard feelings about teasing over that particular event were gone. He looked over to see Aqua shaking her head at him but it was easy to know she wasn’t mad. Terra turned farther around to see Ven jogging around the rock; even farther back was light blonde hair bobbing along. “You keeping up okay, Naminé?”

She nodded with a big smile though Terra could see the sweat on her forehead, the way her feet were dragging slightly against the dirt. Terra knew it well; not only in himself once upon a time but Aqua, and Ven when he was younger too. It was hard to hike all day if you weren’t used to it.

“Everyone ready for a break? We’re about…” Terra looked off into the distance, trying to find the trail markers him and Eraqus placed ages ago. “Halfway there maybe.”

“I can keep going,” Ven said, hoping off a log to jump ahead.

Terra reached an arm out, wrapping it around Ven’s shoulders to pull him back. “I’m glad you can, but not everyone has never ending energy.”

He opened his mouth to argue the fact but he must’ve noticed Aqua paused for Naminé. “Why do we have to stop for you, old man?”

Terra placed his hands on Ven’s shoulders, giving a squeeze to let him know Terra noticed the redirect; Naminé would never insist they stop for her if she knew that’s the reason why. “You’ll understand when you’re my age.”

“Your age,” Aqua snorted, pulling out a canteen from her backpack.  “You act like you aren’t only two years older than me.”

“Does that mean you’re old too?” Ven asked.

She clicked her tongue. “Not unless you want to wake up with your bed mat in the middle of the lake.”

“I was just kidding.” Ven scurried out of Terra’s grasp, walking around to where Naminé was coming to a stop. “Isn’t it beautiful out here?”

“Lovely,” she agreed, though her voice sounded a little winded.

Aqua held out her water bottle for Terra to take, which he did. It was cool out but that didn’t mean it was easy to hike without any sort of water.

“Bet you can draw lots of pretty things spending the weekend in the woods,” Ven said.

“I hope so,” Naminé said with a nod. “Thank you for inviting me.”

“Oh, you don’t have to thank us.” Aqua waved a hand dismissively. “It’s our pleasure to show someone else our favorite spots out here. Someone who will appreciate them.”

Terra tried not to choke on the water as he laughed. It was true, Ven invited his friends for the trip and while some were genuinely busy some, like Axel, said there was no way he was sleeping if there wasn’t a full sized bed. Naminé was the only one who wanted and was able to come with them.

“It’s very special to you isn’t it?” she asked.

That brought a smile to Aqua’s face, reminiscent and soft in a way that only she could be. “It brings back many good memories, yes.”

Ven was holding his canteen over his head, mouth open but nothing was coming out; something he noted with a groan.

“Wanna see if you can find a water source?” Terra asked looking away from Aqua to see Ven’s pouting face.

“This is a test, I know it is.”

Terra merely shrugged. In his mind he could see Eraqus saying the same words, Terra reacting similarly to Ven. “Doesn’t matter if you need to find water.”

His eyes flickered to Aqua, making Terra look in just enough time to see her pointing off to the side of the woods.

“Got it!” Ven said, hurrying off in the direction before Terra could say anything. “Wanna come with me, Naminé?”

“Okay,” she nodded. “I’d like to see the water.” She looked like she was about to follow but Ven grabbed her wrist first, tugging her off in the direction Aqua gave him and nearly knocking Naminé off her feet.

“If I remember, there’s a nice little creek nearby,” he said, careful to make sure she didn’t actually fall as he led her.

“It’s a pond, Ven,” Terra said.

“Yeah, there’s a pond nearby.”

Aqua was trying to hide her laughter behind her hand as Ven and Naminé disappeared behind the trees. His voice was still present for a little while longer, explaining all the things he thought where near the pond even though he was thinking of a different spot in the woods.

Terra looked over to Aqua who was still watching the direction that Ven and Naminé went. “Cheater.”

Aqua clicked her tongue as she sat down on a nearby log, stretching her legs out in front of her. “Like you never benefited from me pointing out the answers behind Master’s back.”

“Oh, so we’re teaching Ven our bad habits now,” Terra snorted, passing her the canteen back so he could sit down next to her.

She was laughing as she looked over to him. “When have we not?”

“I can’t argue that.” It was hard not to smile when her eyes were so bright in the morning light, her cheeks red from the hike and from her laughter.

Ven’s voice had completely disappeared from earshot, something that once would’ve worried Terra. He knew that Ven was plenty capable of getting water and finding his way back. Terra leaned back slightly, looking past the tree line to the sky. As far as he could tell the weekend would be good weather for their camping trip; the first one in a long time when him and Aqua used to go often with Eraqus. It seemed both like yesterday and ages ago.

Aqua wrapped her arm around his, leaning her head against his shoulder. “Remember when you got lost trying to find the exact same water source?”

“In my defense,” he said, reaching up to tap a hand over hers. “It was in the middle of the night and I was only allowed to use a few spells to find it.”

She hummed, reaching her fingers out just enough to lace between his.

“And you nearly scared me to death when I just see one ball of light floating towards me.”

That time she did laugh, her breath puffing out against the skin of his arm. “Do you think Master heard you scream?”

“I think everyone back at the castle heard me scream.” Terra looked down but Aqua was already watching him, her eyes curved into half moon shapes as her smile was so wide; it nearly made him melt on the spot. There was nothing he could love more than seeing her happy, well, aside from her in general.

“I guess even back then we had bad habits, since I wasn’t supposed to sneak down and help you.”

“Or…” he said, curling his hand down over hers. “We’ve always just been really good partners.”

She made a noise of contentment, leaning her head back against him. It was strange in the sense this sort of comfort, this sort of ability to be close to her seemed like something he’d only dream about hidden from the rest of his world. It was common place now, to be with her, to be together and yet he still tried to hold onto every second of it.

“I can’t wait to see the stars again, they’re so beautiful at the top of the mountain,” Aqua said.

“You mean when we used to sneak out of our tents to see them since Master wasn’t always convinced we wouldn’t fall off the cliff on accident.”

“Yes,” she chuckled. “We never did.”

“Cause I caught you before you did.”

Aqua’s head shot up, a hand covering her mouth. “Oh gods, I forgot about that.”

Terra arched an eyebrow. “How could you forget? You nearly toppled off the side of the cliff.” He could still remember it like it really was yesterday. They shouldn’t have wandered so far from camp alone and with nothing to light their way, but they were dumb teenagers who thought they knew everything. He remembered his heart nearly pounding out of his chest when he heard the crumble of rock and Aqua’s surprised gasp. It was nothing but pure instinct to throw his arms around her waist and force them both away from the crumbling edge.

“I don’t know,” she said, her face relaxing. “Maybe because I was never afraid knowing you had my back.”

Her words had warmth floating into his chest. “I don’t know if I could’ve saved you if Master ever found out.”

Aqua dropped her hands to her lap. “He probably knew anyways.”

He probably did, even if he never chose to say something about it; very little slipped past him.

“Besides, I chose to remember the better times.”

Terra swallowed the small lump in his throat at her unsaid words. It had been a while since…their time lost and while things were good now, it wasn’t like it was easy to forget. “Like what?”

“The stars, us, all the dreams shared under them.”

Terra nodded; he knew the feeling all too well, the memories he fiercely protected when he needed them.

“Hey,” she said, reaching her hands over to push his shoulder lightly. “Tell me one of the dreams you never told me?”

“I told you everything,” he snorted.

That one got him a hit to his arm instead. “Oh, you are such a liar, Terra. You absolutely did not.”  

“I told you most things.”

She arched her eyebrows at him, silently daring him to say the words.

He knew that if he didn’t want to say she’d drop it right away but it’s not like he had anything to be embarrassed about anymore. She knew how he felt about her, he knew how she felt about him. How teenage him felt about her should be no surprise. “You,” he said, reaching a hand up to brush some of her bangs that fell into her face. “This.”

Aqua leaned her head into his hand. “Me too.”

Even though they already had this conversation he still couldn’t resist a smile pulling at his lips. “You should’ve told me.”

“You should’ve told me.” She was teasing; he knew by the look in her eyes, he’d know it anywhere. It was always so easy it was to be with her like there was never a day they hadn’t been together.

“Maybe,” he relented but if she had a response he cut her off first, leaning in to press his lips to hers.

She melted into him, reaching her hands up to his face as she kissed him, trying to inch closer on the log. This, he dreamed about this so much, about being kiss her whenever he wanted and by some miracle he got lucky enough that it became his wonderful reality.

“I told you we shouldn’t have left them alone.”

Almost wonderful reality.

He had gotten over being surprised when Ven popped up out of nowhere; because he did it a lot. Terra pulled away when Aqua started to laugh, looking over to Ven holding his canteen smugly and Naminé a step behind, her hands trying to cover her own giggles.

“I told you we shouldn’t have left them alone,” he said.

“Aqua, are you positive bringing two teenagers with us was a great idea?”

She snorted, hitting him in the chest as she stood up. “C’mon, then, why don’t you lead the way for a bit, Ven.”

He looked suspicious. “Is this punishment or…?”

“Just go,” she laughed, waving him along.

Ven took a drink from his canteen as he headed down the path, Naminé walking with him.

Aqua reached a hand down to Terra, helping him up to his feet; though she didn’t let go even when they started walking. “You know what this means right?” she asked, Ven’s voice already starting to chat away as he led the way.

“We’ll both push Ven’s bed mat into the lake.”

She hit her hand against his arm. “We can add some new dreams under the stars.”

Aqua said it so simply, so easy. The air was starting to warm up but it had nothing to do with the warmth in his body. He did have some new dreams that could use a wish or two on some stars. He had fairly good luck so far.

[pceoxtgrlscout]

[ NICOLA PELTZ, 22, CISFEMALE, SHE/HER ] welcome to the du pont institute for the young & gifted, [ SCOUT ROTHSCHILD ]. you have been accepted as a [ REGULAR ] student from [ USA ], going into your [  SOPHOMORE / YEAR ] and majoring in [ DANCE ]. your peers at the institute say that you are [ +CONVIVIAL & +ZEALOUS ], but being [ -AUDACIOUS & -TURBULENT ] may be the reason why the police are asking about you. did you think they wouldn’t find out that you were michael’s [ BLACKMAILER ]? 

// heyooo !! i’m gray ,  ur friendly neighborhood bi girl. bear with me here bc it’s been a Very long day & honestly  i just hope this makes sense in the end. anyways here’s scout ,  i’ve played her a couple of times before but a little bit differently , so i’m still figuring her out !!

tw: death, drugs & alcohol, eating disorder mention (kind of?)

mini bio

fair warning --- this is a fuckin’ mess.

she was born in the wealthier side of brooklyn, her parents owned and operated a small business that kept them a little more than comfortable, around upper-middle class. being an only child, her parents spoiled her at every opportunity.

she was a troublemaker from the start, so her parents decided to enroll her in ballet classes when she was 5 years old as a way to teach her discipline from an early age. she took surprisingly well to it, loving it more than she thought she would have, and all of her teachers were surprised at her natural talent & flexibility. she stayed with it through adolescence / her early teens , but as the training became more vigorous & the pressure to be the best got more intense , she pushed herself too far & fell into a very unhealthy state --- little-to-no sleep , not enough eating between practice in the studio , not drinking enough water, isolating herself from everyone around her, etc. it wore on her physical state as well as her mental state, and her teachers & parents had no choice but to pull her out of dance so that she could recover. she went, practically kicking & screaming. the only thing that could get her to calm down was the promise that she could return if she got better. what she didn’t know , that was even at the end of her recovery , her parents would refuse to let her go back to dancing, regardless of how much she wanted to go back. this only made her already festering resentment towards her parents worsen, leaving her confused and angry and having to rethink her entire future.

her parents tried to make up for it by buying her nice, expensive things but it just made her angrier. nothing could replace the joy she felt while she was dancing.

from then on, scout was determined to put them through hell, doing every rebellious act she could think of. staying out past curfew, going to parties, drinking, cutting her hair, doing drugs, etc. they had put her into public school at that point, thinking placing her in a ‘normal’ environment would ‘fix’ her, but instead she was able to find others who would encourage her ‘bad’ behavior. she struggled to find her way at first, having spent her previous years at a private ballet school where every student you pass holds their chin up like they’re better than everyone else. her designer clothes & pretty face earned her popularity fairly quickly, but she didn’t quite have the social status to make it to the ‘top of the pyramid’. she had more friends than she could count on both hands , but only a few that she considered close.

when she turned 18 , one of her friends (!! possible connection) convinced her to get into stripping. she wanted to make her own money, completely separate from her parents, something she did for herself. she also saw it as a way to finally dance again. her flexibility & strength from years of being a ballet dancer made it easier to learn pole dancing, which she ended up taking classes for --- she wanted to be the best after all.

she got really heavy into drugs & alcohol again, it being hard to stay away from it when she’s surrounded by it at her workplace. she falls pretty easily into peer pressure when it comes to stuff like that, but mainly because she wants to feel good & so she treats it as an escape.

she sees sex as just one of the many pleasures of the world & she doesn’t think anyone should be judged for how much sex they have or don’t have. like if sex is your thing, cool, if it’s not ? also cool. it’s def her thing. it doesn’t bother her that she shows her body to complete strangers every night , she knows she’s in control & she loves it. she’s had her fair share of bad experiences at work --- ie. men touching her in places they shouldn’t, trying to take advantage of her, getting her drunk in hopes they would sleep with her ( & sometimes she would if she wanted to lmao ),  she’s been followed home on a couple occasions. that’s why she learned how to defend herself, picking up little tips from other girls & even going to a few self-defense classes. she’s been through enough to know that you can only really depend on yourself these days.

when her parents discovered what she was doing after hours, they were determined to put a stop to it. they knew they wanted to send her to school, and when they found du pont they knew it was the perfect choice. the only way they could get her to agree to go is if she could finally study dance again. they reluctantly agreed, making a few calls to the admin department to ask that they keep a keen eye on her to make sure she didn’t overwork herself like she has in the past. although her ballet technique was rusty, she was more interested in other forms of dance so it didn’t matter. as long as she could have the freedom to learn everything she can about becoming a professional dancer.

what her parents don’t know ( and won’t ) is that she never stopped stripping, loving how empowering it makes her feel. she doesn’t hide it from anyone else, not being the least bit ashamed about dancing. she’ll gladly teach any girl who wants to know how to pole dance as well, having built up quite the level of skill over the past few years.

the only person in her family that knows she still dances is her older brother, only because one night he and his buddies decided to go out to the strip club. it was horrific for both of them when she came out on stage in next to nothing, especially since she didn’t realize that he was there until he approached the stage and hissed her real name under his breath. it took all night and a few rounds to convince him to keep his mouth shut about it to their parents, even though he didn’t exactly approve of his sister taking her clothes off in front of strangers every other night. he knew he wouldn’t be able to stop her from doing it, even if he told his parents. he didn’t want to jeopardize his relationship with his little sister by taking away the one thing that keeps her going.

i’ll make a separate post about scout’s connection to michael, just working out the details first !! 

[i-want-to-be-manhandled]

also, dumb shit i’ve learned during my first year on t

-i can pass most of the time except for when i’m at work. i think that’s because customer service voice at my old job plus carryover work anxiety to my new job (i was borderline sexually harassed at my old job because i am trans, so i’m stealth at my new one, very anxious about anyone finding out, and VERY defensive when i get misgendered. perhaps to my detriment, but i always explain that it was the “running joke” at my old job that i “looked like a girl,” which is as true of a story as i can make it without telling my coworkers i’m trans. similarly, they think i’m having back surgery in december.)

-the only people who misgender me now are clueless people who see me without my binder on in like dining halls or some shit and adult women. actually, the amount of time i get misgendered by women between 30 and 60 has caused me so much anxiety around that demographic that my anxiety voice has probably increased the percentage of times they misgender me. even the bro-iest of broskis apologize profusely and turn red when they misgender me. (thanks nick ur a bro, i won’t drink 14 beers with u tho. maybe 2.) women between 30 and 60, or at the very least ones at my job seeing my customer-service persona? they just don’t seem to care, or can’t seem to remember. they either get defensive or give me the “oh you’re one of THOSE” stare. i can’t fucking stand it.

-on that note, i am tired of being called kira and karen. open your goddamn ears. kieran is not THAT uncommon of a name where you insist to your dull minds that a man is called kira or karen, 30-to-60-year-old-female-coworkers. jesus fucking christ on a bike. please. i am whole-ass begging you. when i spell or sound out my name for you, and you continually insist it’s karen, i have every right to be angry at you. i am very apprehensive around middle-aged women at my job now, which i am aware could be interpreted by them as sexist without the context for my anxiety, but the anxiety is there, despite me actively realizing it’s shitty and yikes-worthy. i need a fucking beard please.

-contrary to the last points, women in my own age demographic are much better than men at reading me as male. i predict that it’s because i’m not actively trying to get in their pants like most guys they interact with on a daily basis, they actually remember what the fuck my name is, and i’m less anxious around people my own age anyways so my voice is deeper. men my age may read me as female more because i don’t have facial hair and i make “i hate men” jokes with my female friends all the time. this is all theoretical, but it’s interesting to realize that the gender who misgenders me more is different for different generations. is there a study on this? should i do one myself?

-on the beard note, i gave in and bought minoxidil. will it work? possibly not. do i just need facial hair like yesterday to make up for my slight bone structure and small head? yes, so i am willing to drop $23 on a six-month supply of that shit for the gamble that it will work. i frankly don’t care if i’m out $23 because of it later, at least i tried. and considering all the results i’ve seem from trans guys (even those who are pre-t!!) with minoxidil beards, i have faith that it will work at least somewhat well. besides, i need an excuse to take better care of my skin and stop scratching my zits open during the day. this will probably have multiple benefits.

-you know, i don’t even WANT a beard, i just feel like i NEED one. ideally i want like a 5 o’clock shadow but i’ll probably end up having a beard for a bit just to enforce that i’m male whenever my fucking facial hair grows in. i don’t like how this means i’m conforming to societal standards of masculinity, but you know what? sometimes, you ahve to do what you have to do in order to feel safe and comfortable in your own skin. being trans is like walking a tightrope sometimes. i think in general most of the trans people i know agree that gender roles are stupid, but there are enough radical “fuck gender roles entirely i’ll do what i want who cares if i pass” people and enough “i can’t understand why amab trans people would want to keep their facial hair/penis or why afab trans people would still want to wear makeup and dresses” that i feel like i’m an odd one out for not agreeing with either side entirely. i’ll never be caught dead in makeup or a dress, but i also wear neon pink cat socks and don’t bind all the time. i feel like no matter what i do it’s still problematic to SOME trans person somewhere, and most of me doesn’t really care but some part of me thinks it’s stupid that me desiring to pass is problematic to some people or that me owning neon pink cat socks is problematic to some people. i’ve been distancing myself from the online trans community because of it.

-my mother and i had a talk about how she treated me during my transition, and it was a lot to handle. i don’t really wanna write out a whole paragraph about it right now because it’s still a lot to process, but i am in the process of deciding how much i want to let her back into my life or if i want to continue to keep her at a distance. i think i’ll have a better idea about that after thanksgiving or christmas break (she’ll be taking care of me post-surgery, and she was hurt that i was afraid to ask her to - but it made sense to be afraid considering she had such awful reactions to things as simple as my name change, you know?) idk. we’ll see where that ends up. we’re never going to be close, but we may end up being less far apart.

-i’ve been in a depressive/executive dysfunction episode for the past like month, and not only am i failing my classes but i’ve been wearing the same like 6 shirts and 1 baggy sweatshirt and 4 pairs of basketball shorts. i regularly wear my shower shoes out (they’re just flip flops, but still) because putting on socks takes more energy than i have. the plus side is they make me look masculine, the downside is i look like literal shit almost 24/7 and someone should really force me to do laundry. if you’re reading this and you know me irl, actually please text me/fb message me and yell at me to do laundry.

-all the negative experiences i’ve had being trans no longer make me want true trans soul rebel tattooed over my top surgery scars. sorry, laura jane grace, your music saved my life and i have failed you because i am weak and want to be stealth. maybe i’ll incorporate it into the t-shot date tattoo that i’m getting on my left thigh where i had my first t-shot. 

-that being said, i can’t be stealth ~yet~ outside of work because too many people already know, so i’m still wearing the iconic “i have no tits” shirt i got from wish for a whole 71 cents plus shipping to pride next time i go. (i wear it now for fun too and it makes a pretty excellent sports bra for under The Baggy Hoodie, believe it or not lmao.)

-THAT being said, i live with three men. my roommate definitely knows i’m trans bc he’s one of the first people i came out to irl, my one suitemate might know i’m trans but i can’t remember if he remembers, and my third suitemate (who is terrible and gross and i hate living with him because he leaves rotting food in the bathroom sink) does NOT know i’m trans. i was in the bathroom literally topless, with a towel around my waist and a towel over my neck/shoulders (and therefore covering my titties), and he didn’t bat an eye. my roommate saw the two of us silently coexisting in the bathroom and tried very, very hard to stifle his laughter at the situation. next semester after i have surgery, i’ll probably continue doing that for a while till i heal more, but eventually just be like “oh yeah i had ugly scars and now look at them they’re baby” lmao

-yeah that’s it for now i’ll add more if i think some

[sicklylittlesnowflake]

oh dayum that spiderman fic was heavenly. could i possibly suggest another prompt? so how about peter being sick (obvs) when he's out fighting crime etc and he gets hit and thrown against a wall which quickly knocks him out (being weak from his illness and all) and his suit not only tracking him but also his vitals sends an alert to tony who comes to collect the whumpy peter

(Do u know what..despite me being all for the whump I’ve realised this is like only my second time writing injury wtf?? like the first time I did it was like barely even there lmao.. I’m sorry if this wasn’t very cohesive, I’m just back from a holiday and trying to get back into the swing of things!)

Crime was so much bigger than him.

Peter knew this. He knew it too well. He learned a painful lesson through his loss of Uncle Ben that crime was crime, and it had to be stopped. Because not doing anything causes a huge ripple effect, a devastating butterfly effect that would harm many innocent people like himself. In the past, he had been ignorant and unaware of the true consequences of his own actions or lack of, and now that he knew, it was Peter’s mission to look out for the little guy and try his hardest to make sure this wouldn’t happen to anyone else. It was a type of pain he wouldn’t have wished on his worst enemies.

Justice needed to be served. He had to push through anything and everything, because all of this had a devastating ripple effect and Peter’s job was to nip it in the bud. It was his duty. Even if he was sick.

“God, Peter, you look horrible,” Ned frowned as he walked down the corridor with his best friend as the last bell of the day rang.

“I feel it too,” Peter groaned, struggling to keep his heavy eyes from drooping down and shutting for good. He could feel his raging fever, and his body shook ferociously as he sniffled weakly.

Ned eyed him carefully, taking in his sickly features, “You shouldn’t have come in today–or went to the nurse. I guess this means no crime fighting tonight.”

Peter scoffed, tending up defensively, “Ned, you know I can’t do that! I can’t have someone die because I took a sick day.”

Ned rolled his eyes, “Peter, there is barely any crime here anyways. I bet you any comic you want in my collection that nothing will happen tonight. You can take a sick day.”

Peter sighed, coughing into his fist, “Yeah, I guess so. Well, if anything does happen, my sick day is over and I get the Death of Superman, yeah?”

Ned chuckled, “Sure.”

They walked in silence for a while, to Peter’s relief. He was glad he had someone like Ned who knew him well, he knew that Peter had a headache and needed some much needed silence. The rambunctious High School certainly didn’t do that for him.

The two best friends kept walking until they met a point where two roads diverged into different blocks. The point that separated them from their usual walk home. Ned turned over and moved to the right, and gave Peter a gentle smile, “Get better soon, Peter.”

Peter managed a weak smile back and moved left, and continued the trek up to his apartment block where he collapsed into his bed the moment he stepped into his room.

A few hours later Peter woke up to a splitting headache. He groaned, his hand shooting up to his head as he tried to soothe it.

He craved for some aspirin, and medicine to cool down this raging fever. His body felt as if it was being pinned down by a huge mound of rocks, and there was nothing he could do to lift himself off of his bed. He forced his heavy body out of bed, feeling weak to the bones.

Peter sighed and staggered out of his bedroom, to find a post it on his bedroom door that he didn’t notice when he had gotten home.

It read, “Im working late tonight, there’s money on the coffee table for dinner. I larb you! :)”

Peter smiled fondly, and tried to make it to the bathroom as quick as he could so he could find some medicine. Once he managed to get there, he pulled open the cupboard to find nothing but empty packets and medicine boxes.

Peter frowned, sighing. He figured that he would just tough it out for now, but once another surge of pain shot up his head that his body shuddered violently, he knew he needed medicine. He sighed, he needed to buy dinner anyway.

He threw on a coat and a scarf, and his backpack so he could carry his dinner, and quickly grabbed at the money Aunt May had left on the table and staggered out of his apartment, heading out onto the streets.

The cashier frowned worriedly as she scanned Peter’s medicine, as well as a can of soup and OJ. She bagged the products, eyes still lingering on an obviously sick Peter.

“Uh..you okay kid?” She asked worriedly, a little awkwardly.

Peter sniffled, looking up at her with bleary eyes and tried to register what she was saying. He felt extremely drowsy and sluggish, his brain not computing as fast as it normally did.

“..huh..Oh, yeah, I’m okay.”

She nodded worriedly, and took his money and gave him his change. She cleared her throat, “Alright, well, look after yourself, okay?”

Peter managed a weak smile and took his bag of groceries. He quickly stuffed it into his backpack and left the store. He was silent as he left, pulling his jacket closer against himself to try and insulate his body heat. It was a still night and it wasn’t hot or cold, but Peter felt as if it was the dead of winter.

As he was about to turn back to his block, a faint ringing began in his ears.

He felt a weird sensation, suddenly very awake and alarmed. The ringing increased in volume, and then he could hear it. He could hear some sort of ruckus coming from a few blocks away. His senses were heightening. He felt this magnetic urge, a strong desire boiling in his blood. It was drawing him to the only conclusion he could act upon. He had to do something, despite how awful he was feeling. It was his duty.

“Ned owes me a comic,” Peter muttered under his breath as he sprinted towards the alleyway, his head pounding, as he unzipped his backpack to retrieve his suit.

“Why are you doing this?! Who are you?! Please, just take my money!” A middle-aged man cried out, squirming beneath a much larger mans grasp, kicking desperately in an attempt to escape. Tears streamed down his face, nose bleeding and bruises shadowing his skin.

The larger man, his head oddly disfigured and enlarged, his skull misshapen and wide, snarled at him, spitting on him, his fist balling up the man’s shirt viciously, “It doesn’t matter who I am, It doesn’t matter who you are and why I’m doing this, I have orders and that is it. You are going to die, and that is all that matters.”

“Please don’t, I have a family,” The man begged tearfully, his body trembling violently in fear.

“Family ain’t jack shit,” The large man snarled, a slight twinge of a Russian accent coming through. He pulled the gun out of his pocket and raised it to his victim’s head. His fingers grazed the trigger and suddenly a flash of red knocked the weapon out of his hand. The gun flung across the alleyway, far out of his reach.

“What?!” He exclaimed in confusion, bewildered. When he looked up, he was greeted to see the Spiderman.

“You don’t turn your back on family,” Peter said in a mock Vin Diesel voice.

“Who the fuck is this punk ass kid?!” The man hissed.

“Hey! That isn’t very nice, Hammerhead!” Peter shot back, shooting a web-slinger over to a wall, swinging towards the large man and kicking him in the head.

“Go, go!” Peter yelled at the victim, to which he met his eyes which were flooding with so much gratitude and relief. The man sprinted, running as fast as he could, away from it all.

He watched as the victim ran off, a sense of relief in his system. He felt his body begin to settle down, relaxing, his body feeling a bit weaker and fainter. The adrenaline seemed to be fading, and his fever coming back rapidly and spreading.

Before Peter could think much of this, Hammerhead punched him, and Peter hissed as a sharp pain shot up his face, already feeling his eye begin to bruise up.

Before Peter could retaliate, he was being shoved towards the hard cold gravel. His brain was moving too slow, his senses horribly impaired and he couldn’t fight to the standard he was used to. The sharp little clints of the gravel digging into his spine, scratching at his skin. Peter groaned in pain, trying to pick himself off of the ground but found that his dangerously fevered body was too heavy to pick up.

Hammerhead yanked Peter up by the scruff, causing him to feel extremely woozy and dizzy by the sudden, jerking movement. His head throbbed painfully, stabbing at his brains as sharp pains shot up his head. He whimpered, a strangled sob escaping him in pain as Hammerhead punched him repeatedly, and dropping him onto the floor again.

Peter managed to stand up, his legs wobbly and shaking. The world spun rapidly, seeing double, and a sharp rush of pain flooded his senses and he gasped, collapsing on the floor. His body felt like it was on fire, as he gasped for air and clenched his teeth to try and withstand the  overwhelming amount of pain he felt. He let out a scream of anguish as he felt warm liquid soaking his suit. He could taste the salty, metallic liquid in his mouth.

Just as he tried to stand again, he was thrust upward and Hammerhead head butted him with what felt like a wrecking ball. He was thrown across the alleyway, head hitting against the concrete wall. Peter tried to scream again, and he wasn’t sure if he was loud enough, because he couldn’t hear anything. His limp body slid down the wall, dropping against the concrete with a sickening thud as his vision went dark.

“Mr Stark, would you like a report on Mr Parkers vitals?”

Tony raised an eyebrow, continuing to tweak at a piece of tech, fully immersed in his work and unavailable.

“Yeah, sure,” He said absentmindedly.

“Mr Parker has a fever of 103.6 degrees and has several bruises, is bleeding from numerous cuts and is currently passed out from a concussion.”

Tony’s heart sank. It was like time had ceased to exist as he froze, his body malfunctioning.

“FRIDAY, please tell me the location of Mr Parker,” Tony breathed out shakily, trying to stay composed as his blood ran cold.

“The coordinates have been sent to your suit, sir. He is still in Queens.”

Tony finally regained his senses and ran towards his suit, quickly donning it and was flying out of Stark Tower and towards Queens as fast as his suit could take him.

“Where are you, where are you,” Tony hissed to himself frustratedly, feeling his heart beat loudly and rapidly. He scanned the area and followed the coordinates given to him.

Soon enough, he was brought to a shady looking alleyway where he quickly landed. Tony ran down the alleyway to find Peter sprawled across the floor, unconscious, and bleeding.

“Shit!” Tony cursed, his chest growing heavy with fear as he ran towards his limp body. He scooped him into his arms and cradled him. He quickly ripped off his mask and gasped at the sight of the bleeding, sickly boy. Just a boy, not a fierce, immortal superhero. Tony saw so much of himself in this kid it sent shivers down his spine.

He was scarily white, bruises dotting his face. He was so weak and limp, Tony feared he was too late. Catastrophic thoughts clouded his mind for a while as his breathing picked up as he frantically felt his forehead, which was scorching hot. He felt for a pulse, and was relieved when he found one, but was still incredibly frightened.

“Oh my god, Peter, Peter, oh god, please be okay,” Tony whispered tearfully, running a hand through Peter’s damp locks in fear that if he were to let him go he would lose him forever.

“FRIDAY, please do a scan,” He choked nervously.

“Mr.Parker requires immediate and extensive care. I have contacted Dr.Sanchez over to the Stark Tower to see to the damage. But, if you complete these tasks Mr Parker should make a steady, albeit slow recovery.”

Tony let out a relieved sigh, but still couldn’t help the guilt pitting and gnawing at his stomach.

Peter was just a kid and he did this to him.

Tony brought him into this horrible world. Peter should be a kid, he should be a kid who went to high school and rested on his sick day. He shouldn’t be fighting crime. Peter was here because of him. He had brought him into this world and he couldn’t take him out of it. He trapped him.

Tony stood up, shakily, but had never held anyone so steadily in his life. He cradled Peter in his arms and took off into flight, trying to speed back to Stark Tower as fast as he could. His heart seemed to be racing against time, racing back home so Peter could be safe.

“Mr Stark..?” Peter stirred, eyes still closed.

“Don’t open your eyes. You need rest,” Tony said shakily. Below them seemed to be the entire world, and the world wasn’t always kind. Peter had a taste of that today, and Tony didn’t want him to look down in fear that if Peter looked down, he’d be lost and overwhelmed in the realisation that the world was so big.

That there was so much more bad out there than either of them could ever imagine.

Peter woke up to a dull ache spread across his body, and a headache booming in his temples. He groaned in pain, lifting a hand to rub his eyes when pain shot up his face as he hissed and withdrew his hand quickly. His eye was most certainly bruised.

He cracked his eyes open tiredly, still feeling feverish and was alarmed to see daylight streaming from the window. His eyes widened and he shot up, looking around at his familiar surroundings and gasping as he realised where he was.

Tony opened the door, his face lighting up as he saw the boy awake. He tried to mask the relief and joy he was feeling, but Peter saw through it.

“You’re alive,” Tony observed.

“Mr Stark–my aunt, the–”

“I called her last night. I had to talk her out of trying to come over here last night. She was really worried,” Tony explained.

He sighed, “I was really worried, Pete.”

Peter shook his head, “Mr Stark, that bad guy got away, we need to–”

“Absolutely not!” Tony hissed.

Peter fell silent.

Tony sighed, sitting down at the edge of the bed and pinching the bridge of his nose, “I’m sorry. I thought I lost you last night, Pete. I’m not sure if this is safe for you, you are just a kid.”

Tears pricked Peter’s eyes as he crossed his arms angrily, “Do you not believe in me, Mr Stark?! I try so hard, all the time! I just want to do the right thing! You can’t just take this away from me!”

Tony widened his eyes, “That’s not what I meant by that, Peter. You’re extraordinary, but you don’t deserve this. You deserve to be safe, I thrust you into this situation to your doom! You’re hurt, look at you, Pete! This wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t given you that damn suit!”

“I had a suit before this one, Mr Stark! I would still be doing the same thing, with or without you! You gave me a cool suit that helped me along, but you didn’t do this to me. This was my choice, I stand by it!”

Tony let out a shaky sigh, “I’m sorry, Pete..I just..thought I had killed you last night. I couldn’t bare the thought..”

Peter softened, “Fighting evil is much bigger than me. It’s bigger than you. You know that, don’t you, Mr Stark? You know sacrifices are going to have to be made for the greater good. You were my hero growing up, still are, you’ve made sacrifices before. In the grand scheme of things, this is nothing. It’s just the small price we have to pay for something much greater.”

Tony stared at him with a mixture of fear, sorrow, guilt, but also acceptance. He managed a weak smile.

“Then I’ll join you. That way, we can help more people, even if that means one of us might get hurt along the way. We’ll be stronger together,” Tony said firmly.

Peter smiled at him brightly, like he hailed from the sun.

Tony sighed and inched closer to him, pulling Peter in for a warm hug, rubbing his back lovingly, holding him close. He felt a feeling of love in his heart for Peter who felt like a son, and it felt so nice and warm.

He let out a shaky breath, letting himself smile, “You’re a great kid, Peter. You’re really going to make the world turn and put stars in people’s lives. You are going to be great, and I am lucky to be in a world with someone like you.”

[littlelovelymemes]

✰ * º ❛ more popular text posts ask meme. ❜

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[toynbeees]

idk i felt like doing a breakdown of how I imagine post-game wendigo!josh in a saved AU since im back into until dawn again lmao. bear with me bc im super tired and only like half coherent but im trying

Appearance Okay so we all know wendi!Josh has that gross torn open mouth & sexy sharp teeth. Blind eye? Weird second white eyelid like reptiles have? But yeah these are my hc on wendi!Josh’s appearance.

-His ripped up jaw looks like a really extreme Chelsea/Glasgow Smile that’s torn up mid way to his ear with a couple of extra gashes spreading towards his eye. It looks super gnarly and painful but actually, it’s just a by-product of his jaw stretching to accommodate the extra teeth. The extra gashes heal up and yeah, he’s left with a stretched mouth that exposes half the inside of his mouth and makes Heath Ledger’s Joker look like a harmless cartoon character. It’s basically how his jaw is supposed to be in order to adapt to the fangs, though. The fangs themselves have entirely replaced all of his regular human teeth, not just the gross side, but they’re smaller and flatter on his “human” side - his wendigo side is filled with razor sharp teeth that stick out at odd angles since his mouth hasn’t really stretched enough to fit them. He can’t close his mouth great because of it and the teeth dig into his lower lip if he tries. Later on, he probably gets them filed down as best he can - which still leaves them too big for his mouth and peeking through, but at least they’re blunter and not quite so huge. Surgeons can’t do much for his mouth, though, as the skin around there is too tough to stitch/graft and anyway, the stretched gash is kind of needed in order for his teeth to fit, filed or not.

-his nails are also super sharp and talon-like, thick curled claws. They’re darker than regular nails too, almost black, making them look pretty fucking creepy. They’re tough, designed for ripping apart prey and skinning them, which means he has to be suuuuper careful when touching anything fragile. He files them down, which takes a fucking age because they’re so tough, but it helps make them not quite so dangerous.

-he isn’t actually blind, though the milky eye on the wendigo side suggests he should be. Wendigo eyes are just pale, like the rest of them, and although Josh’s sight isn’t as good as it used to be he isn’t completely blind. His sight is fuzzier than it used to be, designed for detecting movement than noticing details - but since he isn’t fully transformed he doesn’t have total “wendigo sight”, which is good. They do kind of glow in the dark though, like reflective lights. The eye on his human side is a little messed up too; his eyelid is damaged and kind of receded back which makes it look wider than his other eye. Maybe he clawed at it, trying to stop hallucinations or maybe it happened when Hannah dragged him away. His white eye is corrected with coloured contacts, nice and easy. His receded eyelid is fixed with surgery, leaving him with a small scar but it heals to almost nothing.

-although Josh isn’t totally wendigo, his body has started to elongate - mostly his limbs, though torso too. He went from five-foot-something (5′7 if we’re talking Rami’s height) to well over six foot. He’s... mostly in proportion still at least, except for the fact he’s a lot thinner and more spindly than he was before. This fingers are elongated too, more emphasized by the claws.

-I like the idea that Josh grows antlers just for the hilarity of it. Something slender like a chital deer maybe, but much smaller. He grows them in early spring (April-ish) and sheds them once summer starts to cool down in August-September.

Voice His wendigo transformation isn’t just physical! His voice is drastically different though still vaguely Josh-like, but there’s a lot of new and very weird quirks in his voice he didn’t have before.

-Josh’s voice is a lot raspier than it was, deep and gritty like a long time smoker with a slight, growly undertone that’s present even when he tries to be soft. It basically sounds like someone who’s started to lose their voice, but permanent. Actually speaking seems more difficult for him now, and his words are either too slow in concentration or come out all at once in a rush if he’s panicking. There’s no middle ground.

-when Josh is excited or happy, he makes these high pitched trills and chittering sounds that sound almost like a bird if not for the eerie humanness to them. A lot of the time these noises happen completely of their own accord, a kind of subconscious thing he doesn’t pay much attention to. He makes deeper, slower versions of these noises when he’s quietly content;  for example if he’s about to fall asleep or curled up comfortably on the sofa.

-when he’s angry or startled, though, Josh makes loud, inhuman screeches that really sound like something out of a horror movie. They’re shrill, loud and if people aren’t expecting it, it can give quite a scare. It’s something he always apologises profusely for after but like when people get a fright and scream, he can’t help it.

-growling is also a common thing, usually when he’s pissed off - or, occasionally, using it as a warning. Josh will duck low when he does this, adopting a defensive stance, hands resting on the floor and letting a deep growl low in his throat. This is one of those things that is completely intentional, an intimidation tactic, and usually one that works.

-his laugh isn’t much of a laugh any more - it’s more of a raspy coughing sound that’s sometimes interrupted by shrieks, like when a person snorts. Since laughing isn’t something people can really control there’s not much he can do to try and change it, but sometimes he tries to make his laugh more human. It usually ends up a creepy mess of wendigo and human.

Habits The wendigo in him makes Josh a little less... human in his actions. Everything has a vaguely creepy, uncanney valley feel about it now, mostly caused by his appearance but partially because some of the stuff he does is just damn weird

-Josh was pretty tactile before; no sense of personal space. It's even more obvious now and he seems to seek out physical contact a lot for comfort. Wendigos aren't social creatures so while his ways of showing affection aren't too human, the reasons for it certainly are. His favourite thing is to nuzzle into the crook of someone's neck and, if they're sitting, curl his limbs around them as if they're a human sized pillow. This is usually accompanied by the weird chittering sounds he makes.

-like all wendigos Josh can imitate people perfectly, which is pretty fucking cool. He can mimic anyone as long as he hears themsay the words, but if he knows a voice well enough he can mimic it without needing to hear something first. He often mimics by accident - if someone asks him a question and he's thinking it over, if he doesn't understand something or even if he just isn't paying attention to his words. It’s fun to use it to mess with people too, though.

-while his ceiling hanging skills aren't much on a full wendigo, Josh can scale pretty much any surface and cling to it for a while. His claws dig into the surface, fingers padded with a rough texture for extra grip. To make it easier to climb, Josh's elongated limbs a d torso are super flexible. He can hang from a ceiling if he really wants, but that will probably end in him falling face first to the floor.

-he doesn't blink as much now, which gives the impression he's staring at people or off in a daydream. It's extra creepy without the contacts, white eye on show. It's a tactic wendigos use to keep track of prey, so they don't lose sight of their food, but since Josh doesn't need to hunt it's just that he forgets blinking is a thing he should do.

Eating Human food is still essential since he's mostly human. That hasn't changed - except now he needs extra nutrition too.

-Josh eats a lot more meat than he used to. Doesn't matter what cut or what animal - as long as it's raw he's good. He can eat it cooked - and if he's eating a regular meal it will be - but raw meat and animal blood are a big part of his diet now. Wendigos are pure carnivores so it makes sense he has similar eating habits. 

-of course, since munching on a human corpse, regular animal meat isn't what he really craves. He only ate one bite down in the mines but it was enough to start some serious cravings for chowing down on a hunk of human being. The raw meat helps these cravings, but that doesn't mean they're totally gone. It's something Josh angsts about a lot.

Sleeping Of course turning half wendigo fucked up his sleeping pattern. Sleeping pills help, the rest he has to deal with alone. Sharing a bed with someone else helps.

-wendigos are nocturnal, sensitive to sunlight and vision suited to the dark. Josh is stuck half way between, sleepy during the day but unable to sleep at night. It's like his body is nocturnal but his mind isn't. On the bright  it's like he has an internal clock that always lets him know the time of day. Unfortunately it also means he's exhausted half the time. This is later helped with sleep meds, iron pills to supplement what he doesn't get from blood and short naps in the afternoon.

-rather than sleeping on a bed with covers/duvets, Josh loves sleeping in a kind of nest. Bed, sofa or floor - it doesn't matter as long as he has a pile of cushions and blankets. Living on a snow covered mountain he was used to freezing conditions with lots of layers to stay warm. It's unclear whether this is a trait he shares with wendigos or simply the result of having to make do in the mines and the subsequent recovery.