#this position that andrew is makes me have pain just watching

[sincericida]

ANDREW GARFIELD & FLORENCE PUGH

at the Valentino Womenswear Spring/Summer 2024 after party as part of Paris Fashion Week 2023, in Paris, France.

[cevansbrat0007]

What's Eating You, Mr. Barber?

Summary: You decide to test your man's patience with a prank you saw on TikTok. CLICK HERE to check out Ari Levinson's reaction to the same prompt.

Warnings: Mature Themes, References to Smut, Andrew Barber Being A Menace, Brat!Reader, TikTok Hijinks, Bickering, Manhandling, Ass Slapping, Daddy Kink, Allusions to Oral Sex, Cursing, Minors DNI

A/N: Prompt brought to you courtesy of a Reader Request. This fic features Andrew Barber from my Growing Pains Series. Semi-proofread, not beta'd. All mistakes are my own. Likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated. Thanks for reading!

It’s hard for you to put into words just how much you love playing pranks on your unsuspecting husband. And after downloading TikTok, you’d discovered that the app was home to an online treasure trove of practical jokes designed to make your loved one’s head spin. While it had taken a few days for you to settle on the right prank, you were pretty confident that the one you’d chosen would earn you a fun reaction from Andy without you having to risk your ass in the process. 

You find yourself grinning as you take your time prepping dinner, humming a little tune as you peel and press even more fresh garlic for your homemade tomato sauce. Tonight’s family dinner of spaghetti and meatballs promised to be very interesting. Which was why you’d also taken the liberty of setting up two hidden cameras – one in the dining room and one right here in your kitchen. 

As of now, you had no plans to post this on your channel. But you also didn’t want to miss a minute of your man’s reaction. Until then all you had to do was play it cool for a couple more hours.

Later that Evening…

“Baby Girl, are you sure you don’t need any help?” Your husband asks after watching you make what easily had to be your third trip from the kitchen into the dining room. 

Any other night you would’ve said yes, but not this one. Tonight you were flying solo. The cameras were already on and recording – you’d taken care of that before you’d started setting the table – and so far Andy hadn’t noticed a thing.

Hopefully you’d be able to keep it that way until it was time for the big reveal. 

“No thanks, Big Man. This Mama only has to make one more trip and then we’ll be ready to eat.”  You tell him before sitting two plates on the table in front of your two youngest children. You were down a kid tonight thanks to your oldest, Bianca, being away at a sleepover.  

Andy nods before leaning over to adjust the small hand towel you’d previously tucked into the front of your three-year-old son’s t-shirt. Not that it really mattered all that much since you were positive he’d be swimming in sauce before the meal was over. But what kind of mother would you be if you didn’t at least try?

Biting your lip in anticipation, you scamper back into the kitchen to grab dinner for you and your husband. Andy’s plate was piled high with a generous serving of spaghetti and meatballs. Meanwhile, you give yourself hardly any. 

And therein was the so-called prank. Earlier this week, you’d spent the better part of several hours gleefully watching as dozens of girlfriends and wives proceeded to serve their man impressive looking portions before sitting next to them with virtually empty plates for themselves. Many of the reactions had ranged from hilarious to heartwarming, with only a few dickish exceptions. 

Glancing over your shoulder to ensure you weren’t being watched, you pick up various pans and quietly place them in your oven and out of sight. For this to actually work, Andy would have to believe that there wasn’t enough for seconds or leftovers. Once that’s done, you square your shoulders and confidently march back into the dining room with dishes in hand. 

“I���m back.” You announce, placing a piping hot plate in front of Andy before taking your own seat at the table. “I tried something different with my sauce this time, so everybody dig in and tell me what you think.” 

Andy absentmindedly rubs his palms together as he stares down at the fragrant heap of spaghetti before him. Silently, you will him to look over at what you’d served yourself, but you force yourself to remain quiet so as not to give yourself away. 

“This smells amazing, sweetheart.” Your husband tells you, reaching for a piece of garlic bread. “I’ve been excited for this meal since you told me you texted me at 10:00am.”

“Glad to hear it, Daddy” You pick up the little bowl of parmesan you’d set out and hand it to your middle daughter, Katrina. “What does everybody else think?”

You take a brief glance around the table while you wait for feedback. And although you make a point of not looking at your husband, it’s impossible to miss the way he’s now staring at your nearly empty plate.

“Ooh.” You inwardly squeal, stopping just short of clapping your hands. “It’s starting!” 

“What’s up with this?” His tone is rife with confusion, which only grows when you decide to ignore him in favor of dipping a small piece of bread into some sauce. “Hey – stop!”

“What?” When you finally deign to return his gaze. You have to choke back a laugh as you watch a bewildered Andy comically gesture between your two plates.

“What the fu–fudge,” he swiftly corrects, “is going on with your plate?”

“What do you mean?” You aim to keep your tone light and breezy.

Your husband lets out a frustrated sigh. “Where’s the rest of your food?” He jabs at your plate with his fork, holding up the half of a meatball you’d allowed yourself.

“This was all that was left.” You tell him with a shrug.

“What the hell are you talking about?” His confusion continues to mount even as pauses long enough to grab a napkin to wipe at his son’s increasingly messy fingers. “There was plenty of spaghetti left on the stove.” While he’s occupied you quickly check on little Rory, who appears to be faring slightly better.

“Not really.” 

“Baby…” Andy pins you with a knowing look, one that you readily return.

“What? I…” You trail off, pretending to think. “After I realized BiBi wouldn’t be here tonight, I made some adjustments to the recipe. Turns out I didn’t make enough, so…” Another shrug. “This was all there was after I made everyone else’s plates.” 

Andy is uncharacteristically quiet as leans back in his chair. Meanwhile, your children are busy staring at you, each of them sporting tiny, furrowed brows. Pursing your lips, you set your fork down on your plate and reach for your drink. 

“You can have some of mine, Mama.” KitCat offers before sweetly pushing her plate towards you. The unexpected gesture touches your heart in more ways than one. Not to be outdone, your three-year-old twins also follow suit. 

“That’s okay, babies. I’m perfectly fine.” You reassure them, swallowing the lump in your throat. “Besides, this is all I need and –”

“Thanks kiddos.” Your husband kindly interrupts as he places his napkin on the table. “That was very sweet of you, wanting to take care of your Mama like that.” His brilliant blue eyes beam with pride as he speaks. “But Daddy’s got this one.” 

You’re momentarily taken aback when he stands, picking up his plate as he does. And you’re even more surprised when he motions for you to do the same.

“Can I see you in the kitchen for a moment?”

“Andrew, sweetheart, it’s okay. I promise.”

“Now, please.” It’s an order, that much you know. But at least your handsome ogre has enough sense to take on the word “please” at the end of it.      

“Fine.” You huff before standing and following him out of the room, although not before encouraging your children to keep eating while you’re gone. Just because it was Friday doesn’t mean it was time to dispense their normal bedtime routines.

You were only playing a prank, not embracing total anarchy. 

Once in the kitchen, you each take up residence in opposing corners. But of course, you’re careful enough to avoid blocking the view of the camera. 

“Baby Girl.” Andy exhales, his fingers coming up to pinch the bridge of his nose. “Do you really mean to tell me that there’s no food left? You really made all that pasta and there’s nothing?”

“Yes, Andrew.” You lie without missing a beat. “I already told you. I trimmed down the recipe because –”

“Because Bianca is gone. Yes, I heard you.” He sets his dish down on the counter, openly scrutinizing it. 

“So then what’s the problem?” You rest your back against your pantry while you wait for him to respond. 

“The problem – my problem –” Andy is quick to amend, shaking his head. “– is that you expect me to sit back and watch you starve while everyone else eats. And I don’t like it.” He scrubs a weary hand over his beard. “Hand me your plate, beautiful.”

“Why?” It’s impossible to keep the suspicion out of your voice. 

“Because I don’t need all of this.” He grunts, taking the plate out of your hands when you don’t comply fast enough. “In fact, I don’t need any of it. You eat and I’ll order myself a pizza after we put the kids down.”

“Andy!” You scoff, which comes out on the heels of a laugh. 

“What?” The man is clearly confused by your dismissal of his offer. “I am capable of handling myself, okay? My hands work just fine.” He grates out, making a show of holding up a large, lightly calloused palm.

“But I…I made that plate for you.” You were seconds away from caving and you both knew it. 

“And I’m telling you, my wonderful wife, that I want you to have it.”

“Oh, you really don’t have to –” You begin, wrapping your arms around yourself. It was time to fess up.

“Fine.” Andy breathes, taking a second to roll his broad shoulders. “Then we’ll split it.” He reaches for your hand, pulling you into his warm embrace so that he can whisper in your ear. “And then, after we put the kids down, we’ll order ourselves a pizza. Maybe open up a bottle of wine while we wait.”

“Yeah?” You murmur, relaxing as you bury your face in his chest. 

God, he always smelled so good.  

“Mhm.” He continues, nuzzling his nose against your curls. “And then, once we’re all giggly and buzzed, I’ll convince you to let me make love to you in front of the fireplace. We can even set up a booby trap so that we pretend like the children don’t exist.”

“Wow.” You can’t stop the giggle that bubbles its way past your lps. “Andy Bear, that sounds amazing. But I’m afraid I can’t.”

“Why the fuck not?” He rumbles as his brawny arms tighten around your smaller frame. You were pushing your District Attorney beyond his breaking point.

“Because.” Squirming out of his hold, you dance your way towards the oven in preparation for the big reveal. Hopefully your husband would be a good sport about all of this.

“Because?” 

“Because…” You draw out the word, even as you go to open the oven to show him what’s inside. “There’s actually plenty of dinner leftover. See?” You throw your arms wide, but force yourself to stop just short of adding spirit fingers because you suspected he wouldn’t appreciate it.

“Baby, I swear…” Andy sighs, his hands slowly sinking into the pockets of his charcoal-colored slacks as he rocks back on his heels. Most likely to keep himself from strangling you, his lovely wife. “Why–what would possess you to lie about something like this?”

“First off, sweetheart, it’s called a prank.” You bridge the gap between your bodies so that you can wrap your arms around his trim waist. “And secondly, I saw it on TikTok. Ever heard of it?” 

He glares down at you, which has you instinctively clenching your thighs together. That’s part of the reason you loved riling up your Big Man.

Being a brat got your motor running. 

“I take it you have.” You stand on your tiptoes to kiss away his frown. “Well, I fell down the rabbit hole the other day while the kids were napping. There’s this whole, like, subsection that’s just pranks. And the latest one involved these women pranking their guys by serving them a huge plate of food, and then pretending like there’s nothing left for them to eat. The reactions were super entertaining, so I figured I’d test it out, you know? Just for fun.”

You grace him with your most dazzling smile, but unfortunately, he’s still having none of it. His frown only deepens as he tilts his face up towards the ceiling in an effort to summon all of his remaining patience. 

“Are you mad?” Your teeth sink into your bottom lip while you wait for his answer.

“Yep.”

“C’mon, Andy Bear!” You pout before placing your hands on his biceps to give him a light shake.”Where’s your sense of humor?”

“Pretty sure I lost it the day you decided torturing me was your new favorite pastime.” He grumbles, although there doesn’t appear to be any heat in his words. “In fact, I have a feeling you just gave me several new grays.”

“Oh, don’t you dare blame me for those.” You tell him, playfully rolling your eyes at his dramatics. “I’ll have you know that you came home with those. I spotted ‘em the moment you walked through the door.” Your sassy response earns you a sharp crack to your ass, making you wince.

“Ow!” 

“Brat.” He grouses, even as he presses a sweet kiss to your nose. 

“Guilty as charged.” You hum, weaving your arms around his neck. “Besides, I had a feeling you wouldn’t let me starve.”

“Not sure it’s even possible to fail that challenge, Baby Girl. I mean, you’re my wife. My partner in crime. Did you really expect me to just let you go hungry?”

“You’d be surprised.” You mutter, making a mental note to show him a few videos featuring some of the men who’d actually failed the test. “But thankfully you didn’t. And neither did the kiddos. Which is why I will graciously allow you all to sleep inside tonight.”

You let out a tiny yelp when Andy suddenly grabs your ass with both hands, squeezing hard as he lifts you up. Unsure of what else to do, you immediately lock your legs around his waist. Right now you were just going along for the ride.  

“Now is that any way to talk to Daddy?” Andy lovingly captures your mouth, lightly stroking his along the seam of your lips. “Especially after you played such a mean trick?” His once clouded blue eyes are now filled with mischief. 

“Oh, I’m not sorry. But if it helps, I am willing to delete the video.” Your husband’s eyes go wide, letting you know that he hadn’t even considered the prospect of being recorded. So you keep talking, hoping to distract him. “And I still wanna get you drunk and take advantage of you after we put the children down for the night.” You run your fingers through his neatly coiffed hair, lightly scratching at his scalp with your nail.

“I don’t know if I should trust you.” He eyes you warily, making clear that he still hasn’t quite recovered from your earlier betrayal. 

“What if…” You lean in close, lightly nipping at his earlobe. “I could find it in my heart to apologize between then and now? How does that sound, Big Man?”

“I mean I might be interested.” Andy shrugs, gently setting you on the counter before bracing his muscled arms on either side of you. “Out of curiosity, just what kind of apology are we talking about?” He gazes at you with lust-filled eyes, eagerly anticipating your response.

“The kind that’s best offered while on my knees, wearing nothing but a flimsy pair of thigh highs and garters.” You know you’ve got him when you hear him groan low in his throat.  

“Fucky, baby.” Your husband hisses, burying his face in the valley between your breasts as his imagination suddenly kicks into overdrive. “Can you be sorry enough to wear the heels too? You know the ones I’m talking about.”

Oh. You knew exactly which ones he was talking about.

“I think so.” You murmur, stroking a tender hand along his back as he struggles to regain his composure.   

“Then we’ve got ourselves a deal.” He grips your hips before kindly helping you down. “Now let’s go get those kids fed and off to bed.” Andy grabs your hand, tugging you behind him as you head back to the dining room to see about your babies. 

“Slow down, Andrew.” You laugh as your legs scramble to keep up. 

“No can do, Baby Girl.” He grunts, picking up his pace. “Daddy’s really looking forward to that apology. So be sure to eat up because…” He trails off when he comes face-to-face with his sauce covered little ones. “...You’re gonna need all of your strength.”

“You can count on it.”

END

[padfootagain]

Grey Days

Hi everyone! Here is a little Hozier oneshot for today! It’s a little sad, but mostly hurt/comfort. Did I write it after crying when I watched that interview he did where he spoke about his struggle with mental health? Yes. Obviously. I want to give him so many hugs…

I hope you like it! Tell me what you think!

****

Pairing: Hozier x fem!reader

Warnings: hurt/comfort, angst, mentions of depression

Summary : Andrew is used to feel low sometimes, he has been plagued by those periods for as long as he can remember. But if he usually solves his sadness by being alone, this time, the antidote to his pain might be you.

Word Count : 2671

Hozier’s Masterlist – Main Masterlist

There were days like this, where everything was grey for no reason.

The sky rolling with clouds, heavy with rain, threatening with thunder, for sure wasn’t helping. But Andrew couldn’t pretend that it was at fault. Nor was the season, spring was on the horizon after all. There were boughs staining the branches, the first flowers blooming, the air a little warmer, the wind calmer than the winter storm. The birds had been chirping all morning, even if they had quietened now, under the menace of rain. He should be happy. The sun was high this morning, he had gotten some work done at Alex’s, he had had a nice lunch with his parents. Nothing but positive things, in theory.

And yet Andrew could feel his skin crawling, the tears that threatened to rise and spill, the numbness that came with spleen. Christ, melancholy was such a bitch, sometimes.

It was a bad day, the voices in his head were louder than usual. Despite the distractions he couldn’t keep them down. He kept on thinking about the pieces of songs he had recorded this morning with Alex, and on the spot they sounded good. Now, all he had left was doubt. For sure, none of it was good enough, and his lyrics were all over the place, and they didn’t do the subject justice… the didn’t do you justice…

He felt the burn in his eyes and the tightening in his throat again, his breathing grew more laboured, so he took a deep breath. He was driving, now was not the time…

And yet the thoughts were still there. As he entered his tiny town, the swirling of voices kept shouting.

Not good enough…

Don’t know how to write a proper song…

Got lucky with one song, will never be good enough again…

Imposter…

He entered his driveway, parked the car there. He didn’t notice your car until he was turning his head towards the front door.

Fuck…

He wasn’t in the mood for socialising, for pretending that everything was alright, for playing perfect boyfriend…

Another person you’ll end up disappointing…

Another thing in your life you don’t deserve…

He closed his eyes for a moment, tried to shush the voices. Just voices. It was just his busy head being louder than usual.

He just needed to calm down…

Damn, he should have called to cancel for tonight. You had a date night planned, you had told him you would come to his place early to start preparing dinner. You weren’t living together but he had a change of keys to your place, and you had one to his. He didn’t need to be home for you to come in.

Yesterday, Andrew was thinking about asking you to move in with him, to make a common home out of his large house.

She’d never say yes to you anyway…

He clenched his jaw, until his teeth gritted.

Just voices. Just voices. He was okay, he was fine…

It was just dinner, and it would be lovely. He loved you, he would have a great time…

He blinked his eyes open, brushed the wetness from his eyelashes.

Put on a brave face for her, come on…

He released some of the tension across his jaw, finally let go of the steering wheel. The soreness in his fingers made him realise how tightly he had been holding it.

He had no strength left in his body to open the car door, but he did it anyway. He was kind of used to it, the falls that followed the heights. It hadn’t happened in a long time. So bad, out of nowhere? Probably a year. Yeah, not long after the two of you started dating. It was pretty smooth after that. There were days when he didn’t feel great, but he didn’t feel terrible. With no energy left in his frame, no positive thoughts on his mind, no faith in himself, and no social battery either. Usually, when he felt like this, he simply locked himself up for a couple of days. The solitude usually helped. And now, he needed to be left alone, or at least he thought so. Besides, he would be in a terrible mood all evening, you would properly get tired of the sight and his sharp tone very quickly. And he didn’t want to take it out on you, it wasn’t fair, and he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t. He was too tired to be angry anyway.

He unlocked the front door, was welcomed by the smell of spices. It should have made him smile, but instead, his heart clenched.

He took off his shoes and jacket, slowly, too slowly. Any other day he would have hurried to join you.

Tonight, all he wanted was to be alone, to not talk to anyone, to get out of his clothes that felt like a burden too heavy to carry, and get under the covers, and lie there for the rest of the night, and maybe throughout tomorrow too.

Instead, he walked to his kitchen, nervously rubbing at his palms. God, he bet he looked terrible. He didn’t have a hair tie, and his hair was frizzy with the humid air, and he felt so fucking ugly when he entered the room, knowing he looked like a mess in sweatpants and an old t-shirt when you looked stunning, the most beautiful woman he had ever seen…

You didn’t seem to notice, because when you saw him, you let out an excited gasp and hurried into his arms.

Why did the feeling of you in his embrace make him want to cry?

“Hi, baby! How was your day?”

He cradled the back of your head in his large hand, gently, as if you could break under his touch. He rested his lips on the top of your head, took a deep breath of your shampoo, the scent so familiar, so soothing, so reassuring…

He closed his eyes.

It lasted a couple of seconds, and then the voices were back.

One day she’ll see you can’t make her happy…

He pulled away.

“Good,” he answered elusively, forcing a smile, but he knew it was tight-lipped. “Busy.”

“Did you get some work done with Alex, then?”

“Hmm… loads.”

“Good! You must be tired then, you can sit down, I’m almost done!”

He looked at the meal you were making for the two of you. You had set up the table, had even lit up some candles. It was fucking nice, so damn romantic…

“Smells amazing,” he complimented, but you seemed to notice that there was no light left in his voice. “Gonna take a shower before joining you, okay?”

“Sure! But… you’re okay, honey?”

Honey… Honey…

“Yeah, just… tired. Long day. I won’t take long.”

You nodded, offering a smile and he did his best to give it back.

He thought the shower would help, but it didn’t. He almost let the floodgates open while the warm water numbed his muscles, made his body feel like it wasn’t there at all. He had even less strength as he walked out of the shower. But at least, now, he was wearing a shirt and black jeans, and he had tied his hair in a low bun, looking close to presentable. He was wearing his glasses, he didn’t have the energy to put some contacts on.

When he entered the kitchen again, you had poured some red wine, were humming to a tune he didn’t know, checking the cooking of your vegetables.

“Almost done! Perfect timing!” you announced with pride.

“Thank you for cooking tonight,” he let out in a breath.

He knew his shoulders were bent, he knew you had noticed the way he was trying to look as small as possible. He read it in your frown. He nervously rubbed at his collarbone, felt irritated now.

She’s doing all this for you, you can’t get mad for nothing. It’s not her fault, calm down.

He sat down, as you invited him to do so. You brought food a couple of minutes later, and he asked you about your day. But unlike any other day, it wasn’t out of genuine curiosity and fondness; he simply didn’t want to speak.

He had done a good job at playing pretend the rest of the day, but he had no energy left to keep the mask on. The cracks were all over his features, in every forced smile, in every glance, in every blinking of tears. Your food was delicious, he complimented you on it, forced himself to swallow it fully, even if he felt like he might throw up if he kept on eating.

“Andy?”

He looked up again, noticing all of a sudden that he hadn’t paid attention to the conversation in a few minutes.

“Hmm?”

“Are you going to tell me what’s bothering you?”

You offered him a kind smile, reached for his hand across the table. An anchor, an intimate gesture of support.

His throat tightened, he couldn’t find his voice.

“Baby… it’s just me. Why are you all closed up all of a sudden?”

He gave you a sad smile, although he had aimed for it to be reassuring.

“Just…”

Just tired was the excuse, but then again, he didn’t feel like lying now. Didn’t have the strength for it. Maybe if he were honest now, you’d show him the voices were right, you’d realise what a loser he could be sometimes, how you should leave…

Shut! Up!

“It’s just… it’s just a bad day.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing. I mean… nothing in particular, I just… I don’t know… sometimes my head gets messy with thoughts for no reason. I’ve been working a lot for the past couple of months, it’s more frequent when I’m tired.”

Slowly, you nodded.

“It’s pretty bad today, right?” you asked, and he nodded.

“I’m sorry. Your meal is truly delicious, and I was really excited about having a date night. I know I’m kind of… fucking up the mood.”

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault.”

“Isn’t it?” he asked with bitterness in his voice, and he clenched his jaw at the sound.

He wouldn’t let himself get angry against you. He was in love with you. So fucking much. And you didn’t deserve that.

“There’s nothing wrong with feeling down sometimes, Andy.”

He looked down at his empty plate.

“It’s a bit worse than that.”

He heaved a sigh.

“I’m fine though, it just… It just needs to pass. I’ll be back to normal in a couple of days.”

“What do you usually do when something like that happens?”

“Erm… I just… shut down, basically. Wallow in self-pity for a while,” he tried to joke, managed to get a smile out of you. “I just… lock myself up on my own until I feel really low, and then I go out, and… it lingers a few days, sometimes a few weeks, but by then I can put a mask on again.”

“Do you put that mask on with me?”

“It hadn’t been so bad in a long time.”

“And when it’s not as bad?”

He shrugged.

“There’s no need to worry you about that.”

You raised an eyebrow, unimpressed.

“I’m your girlfriend. I tell you when I’m unwell.”

He started rubbing at his collarbone again, until the skin turned a bright shade of red.

“I don’t particularly enjoy talking about it,” he replied, his tone dry and distant.

“But I… you know you can trust me, right? That you can talk with me about these things…”

“I know… It just doesn’t help. I know how to handle this, I’m fine. I promise.”

Slowly, you nodded, but he could feel that your silence was a bad sign.

“So… usually, you just… spend time alone?”

“Yeah.”

“And it helps.”

“Yeah… yeah, it does. I just… I’m kind of introverted, in case you haven’t noticed,” he gave you a small smile. “I recharge my batteries when I’m alone.”

You seemed to be thinking for a few seconds, and then you were standing. He looked up at you in surprise.

“I should leave you alone, then.”

“Wh… what?”

“You said you needed to be alone… you should have told me, I would have let you have a moment on your own. It’s fine. I get it, if that’s what you need.”

He blinked up, not fully registering what you were doing. His brain jumped to the worst-case scenario, as per usual.

“Are you… are you breaking up with me?”

“What?! Of course, not!”

“You… you’re leaving…”

“Because you said you needed to be on your own for the evening. That’s okay. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

You heaved a sigh, took his hand in yours.

“Andy, I’m very happy with you. I know you love me. There’s nothing wrong in needing to spend some time on your own. You should have just told me. I’ll give you some space for tonight.”

You took his face in your hands, dropped a gentle kiss to his lips.

“I love you, baby,” you whispered as you pulled away. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

And with that you left the room. He heard you fumbling with your things in the hallway.

Being alone was what he needed. He had always longed to take a step back from everyone, even his partners, when he felt like this.

Except that tonight he didn’t want you to leave. He didn’t want to be alone. He wanted to hold you as tightly as he could, and cuddle in bed, and just forget about the world outside your arms, let you hold him until he couldn’t have a single thought anymore…

He jumped to his feet, rushing across the house as you put on your coat.

“Don’t go.”

The plea cut the air like a knife.

He blinked tears away.

“Please, don’t go. I don’t want you to go,” he confessed.

“But you said…”

“I don’t want you to go.”

“I won’t be mad if you want to take the night for yourself.”

“Y/N. I don’t. Want you. To go.”

He struggled to swallow back the lump in his throat.

“Please… please, don’t leave.”

You stared at him for a moment, motionless. But then you put your coat back on its hanger, took off your shoes.

When you walked back to him, he almost started to cry.

“You’re sure?”

“Yes… please…”

Before you could say anything else, he was holding you in a tight embrace, one that you quickly reciprocated.

“What do you want us to do, then?” you asked, rubbing his back, and for the first time that day, he felt his muscles relax.

“Honestly… I just want to go to bed, cuddle with you and not move until… the end of the month.”

You laughed, kissing his shoulder through his shirt.

“Well, we’ll have to get up before that I’m afraid… but cuddling for the rest of the evening sounds nice.”

He heaved a relieved sigh.

“I’m sorry, I’m fucking up our date night… it was so lovely of you to cook and everything…”

“It’s okay. It’s fine.”

“You’re not mad?”

“Of course not.”

“Good… that’s grand…”

He finally pulled away, took your hand to guide you to his bedroom. The dishes would have to wait for tomorrow.

He got ready for bed first, and then waited for you. And while he was looking at you as you moved around the bed, plugging in your phone, setting up an alarm for the morning, drinking some water… all he wanted was to hold you close. You were the first person who made him feel that way. Who made him long for companionship even when he felt so low…

… and then, you were in bed, opening your arms for him to settle in your embrace, letting him bury his face in the crook of your neck.

Perhaps this one time, his busy brain was wrong. Perhaps you wouldn’t leave. Perhaps he would stay. And maybe, just this one time, not all things would end…

[whumpasaurus101]

Chapter Five

Ohoho, Niko does not get a break just because of Whumptober. Enjoy :3

previous

Cw: Stress positions / Caning

---

Niko didn't know how long had past. His body shook as he was in a plank position against the cold floor. He grit his teeth, sweat slowly rolling down his forehead as he let out a growl, “En-enough-” Niko rasped, flinching at Martyn’s laugh.

“Oh, don't make me laugh,” He growled, “You're not stopping until you give me some information, buttercup. Wall sit, up up up.”

Niko wiped his forehead with his arm, letting out a shaky sigh as he tried to catch his breath. His muscles were aching, his head throbbing as if it was screaming at him to just give up and give in. He would be in such less pain if he just told the damn creep what he wanted to know. 

He shakily brought himself down in a wall sit, feeling his core tremble, his legs shaking immediately. It had to be hours that had passed by now, but Niko had no way of knowing. The only way he could determine how long time passed by was the aching fiery pain in his muscles.

Martyn made his way over to the shaking figure, leaning down right up close to his face before whispering, “Ready to give in?”

Niko glared straight ahead of him at the dull wall, his body ready to collapse any second by now As he forced his back against the wall, arms resting on his knees. He knew he was making things worse for himself as he tried to focus on his team. Thinking that they’re probably all cuddled up watching some old movie as they tried to decide which of the character’s were what actors. 

A tear slowly rolled down his cheek and in an instant, he crumpled to the floor, clutching his legs as he whimpered. “Ah ah ah, buttercup,” Martyn cooed, "you're not allowed to rest until you tell me what I want to know.” 

Niko let out another whimper before taking a shaky breath, “M-my team…” he rasped. Martyn cocked his head in interest. “My team they-” Niko squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block how his brain screamed at him not to give up.

“There-there's five of us…”

“Five..” Martyn hummed in thought, “Give me names.”

Niko shook on the ground, his body felt almost numb. He could barely even hear what Martyn was saying from the awful ringing in his ears.

He was awoken out of whatever daze he was in as rough hands grabbed him, forcing him into a kneeling position. Fucking Marcus… Martyn circled Niko as if he were his pray, cane dragging along the floor behind him.

Niko watched with glazed eyes, his eyebrows furrowing, “W-w’thefuck…”

“Here’s how this is going to go,” Martyn hummed, “For every lash that you refuse to give me a name with, it adds an extra two lashes. For example, you refuse at ten, I give you twenty more, pretty simple, hm?”

Niko’s eyes widened, “Nonono it's- my team we- we weren't allowed to kn-know eachothers na-names…” God, he could barely even hold the kneeling positions, his legs have gone numb by now.

He was soon cut from his thoughts as the cane slammed across his face, sending Niko crumbling to the floor with a cry.

“Bullshit,” Martyn spat, “Don't fucking lie to me. Marcus, get him up.”

Niko whimpered as the heavy hands were back on his arms once more, hauling the weak figure up to kneel. He didn't let go until Niko’s swaying had stopped before Marcus made his way to the side of the room again, awaiting his next command.

“Now, Niko.” The name sounded sour against Martyn’s tongue, “Let's start, seeing as you seem to only be making this worse for yourself. Let's start with just one name, hm? Nice and easy.”

Niko had to tense his core as the cane made contact with his back, not letting himself crumple to the ground again. He clenched his jaw tight as the cane burnt. “Come on, buttercup, surely there’s one teammate who just really gets under your skin, hm? One that you have to put up with just for the sake of.”

Andrew. Andrew was a bully. Since day one, Andrew treated Niko like he was nothing. He’d kick him and punch him when the others weren't looking. He’d beat him if the mission failed. Niko felt himself tense as sudden memories rushed into his head.

The cane brutally rained down on his skin with no mercy.

Eight…

Ten…

Fifteen… 

Martyn sighed, moving in front of Niko and slowly tilting the other’s head up by the bloodied tip of the cane, his voice was gentle now as he smiled gently, “Come on, buttercup, how about we just do one name for today, hm? One name and this can all be over. I’ll get you cleaned up and draw you a bath, warm meal, warm clothes.”

Niko couldn't hold it in anymore, his body shook as he fully broke down into sobs, “Plea-please…” 

Martyn tried to hide his smirk as he watched his captive before him, “Talk to me, buttercup, come on, you're doing so well.”

“A-Andrew,” Niko sobbed, his body engulfed with blinding pain as he crumpled to the floor, “Ple-please.. Andrew.. He-he’s one of them I sw-swear..” Another sob ripped from his throat as he shook with every sob, tears streaming down his face.

Martyn smirked, placing down the cane and kneeling down beside the broken figure, “What’s this Andrew’s second name, darling?”

“O- Hhhngh…” Niko curled up in on himself as he took a shaky breath, “O’Harra…”

“Oh well done!” Martyn beamed, scooping Niko up into a hug, minding not to upset any of his wounds, “You did so amazing, buttercup! Let’s get you all cleaned up and some food into you, hm?”

Niko whimpered and nodded fast, leaning into the warm, gentle touch. He was a monster. He was a monster for what he had done but at this point, he couldn't care less. He was getting warmth. Warmth and comfort and for now, that's all he could focus on right now.

Monster.

---

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Next

[stabbyfoxandrew]

You said to send asks about your AUs, so here I am. Angel Neil basically died, sky daddy (or whoever) told him "protect this guy" and was sent on his merry way, no context whatsoever. Honestly, poor guy. Does he know the full extent of his angel powers? Did he have to try them out, or was he just gifted with the knowledge of how to use them? Sometimes I think about Angel Neil and how lonely he must feel, staying on all of those rooftops, and then I get sad. Do all the people who die become guardian angels, or only a sect of them? What happens to the others? Where is Mary? Hell, heaven, is she also a guardian angel, or is she just gone? This is why I don't send asks about your AUs because if I start yapping, I won't stop :')

Yes I did! Thank you for sending this! <3 I'm going to answer under the cut so my insane rambles won't annoy anyone.

So, yeah... Neil died, became an angel, and was told his job was taking care of Andrew. Then poof, he was sent to the Columbia house. (He died in July so they were out of class still.) Neil got his charge mixed up with Aaron a lot at first, because... Twins. But eventually figured them out. (Thankfully. Lol imagine if he'd accidentally appeared to the wrong one.)

He doesn't know about all his angel powers! He's figuring things out as he goes. On his own even in his afterlife. (So Neil of him.) So, yeah. It took him a while to realize he had wings. Longer still to figure out how to work them. He can miracle pain away. And the knife appeared suddenly with no warning. Like... He's got all these amazing things he doesn't know how to control that well. :') Poor baby.

Yeah. :( Most of Neil's spare time is spent just lying on rooftops and watching the sky. Sometimes he sleeps when Andrew does, sometimes he doesn't. He doesn't really have to, after all. Sometimes he'll watch games with Kevin, sometimes he sits on the roof of Andrew's car while they're driving and he almost feels alive.

Not everyone becomes a guardian angel. Just those who don't really fit in anywhere else? Neil didn't subscribe to religion. He didn't fit into Heaven or Hell because of things he'd had to do to survive... So it was either Angel or Ghost? But SOMEONE (I can't tell you who) realized that Andrew needed to be watched over and Neil just so happened to get the job.

Mary was Neil's guardian angel for a while after she died. Then she crossed a line (she killed a human for looking at her son wrong and said human wasn't going to hurt Neil) and was removed from her position for taking an innocent life. Not sure what her fate was, but she is gone now.

Also, if you read to the bottom, hi! <3 Thank you so much for asking these questions. I honestly really appreciate it and I would love to answer any more you have! (If I can do so without spoiling anything that comes later.) Seriously! I love talking about my writing and this sort of thing helps me world build a little if that makes sense?i

[andydrysdalerogers]

Cross-Checked ~ Chapter Eight

Andy Barber x OFC Leighton "Leia" Andrews

Summary:

Andy Barber is having the best year of his life. His game is on point. It’s gets to play with his best friend and his fiancé just... dumped him?!. 

Reeling from a sudden change in status, Andy decides it’s time to just focus on hockey. Until his best friend's sister comes out with news that rock the entire organizations world., 

Andy has always carried a torch for the untouchable Leighton but in her hour of need, is now the time to shoot and score or risk getting cross - checked again? 

Warnings: Cheating (but not by the MCs); slow burn; friends to lovers eventually; SMUT!; pregnancy; jealousy; handsome goalies, evil exes...

A/N: The tag list is open!

I do NOT give permission for my work to be translated or reposted on here or any other site, even if you give me credit. DO NOT REPOST MY FICS. Reblogs, comments, likes, and feedback ALWAYS appreciated

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Previous: Chapter Seven ~ A Little Boston Magic ~ Andy/Leia

Series Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Chapter Eight ~ Nothing But Lies ~ Andy/Leia

Andy 

I feel like I have been here before.  

I’m pretty sure I’ve been here before.  

The pain in my back is getting worse the longer I stay in this position. I finally pry my eyes open and am blinded with pain. Why is my room so bright? And why am I so uncomfortable? I blinked a couple of times and realized, I’m on my couch.  I slowly sat up. What the fuck happened?  My mind runs throught the previous night. I remembered watching Leia and Jeremy and then heading to the Red Line. I frowned as I remember Stella being there but then, nothing really.  

“Oh, you’re wake.”  

I snapped my head up (which was a terrible mistake) and saw Leia coming down the stairs, fully dressed. Oh shit, there was a game today.  I scrambled for my phone before Leia stopped me.  

“Its ok Andy, its only eight. Practice is at ten. I’m going to make some coffee.”  

I sat back with my head on the cushions. Fuck, being hung over for the second time in three months is not a good look for a captain of an NHL team. I took a moment to breathe before Leia came back in with two mugs. “Thanks,” I muttered.  

“Wanna talk about it?” She took a sip, looking at me.  

“I’m fine.” I took a sip and avoided her gaze.  

“Ok, why are you getting drunk the night before a game? That isn’t like you, Andy.” The look on her face was breaking me. But how can I tell her?  How can I tell her that her new boyfriend is a tool bag and I’m so in love with her, it kills me to see her with her.  What do I say? How do I tell her about what I overheard in the locker room a couple of weeks ago.  

Two weeks ago... 

“That is such a sweet shot you took on Ullmark,” Luke said, laughing as he and Andy walked down to the locker room.  

“It’s all in the wrist,” I replied with the pretend flick of the wrist.  “Are we heading to the bar after?” 

“Yeah, Cubby said she’s be our designated tonight after the game.” Luke high-fived me when they heard laughing coming from the locker room. They were about to burst in when they heard Swayman’s voice.  

“Dude, she had a thing for me.  When I was talking with her on the plane, she was playing hard to get. But I know, she’s into me. I’m gonna ask her out.”  

“You really want to ask out the assistant captain’s sister?” Andy could hear it was Ullmark. “Is that wise?” 

“Why not? You heard Andrews.  He gave his blessing.”  

“That’s because he doesn’t know your reputation.”  

“He knows.  I’ve been with him at the bars and stuff. He was just as bad before he met Miranda.” He heard him chuckle. “I just want a taste. She is sexy as hell and I can feel like she is a devil in the sheets.”  

“You better make sure that Barber and Andrews don’t hear you talk like that about her.”  

“What is Barber going to do? He’ll ruin his friendship with her which is ok by me. I just want a piece of her. Fuck her and leave her. Make it look a mutual thing so there’s no bad blood. Trust me, I’ve done this before and I’ll do it again.” 

It took everything in Andy to restrain Luke.  

It took everything inside of Andy not to tell Leia. 

Present 

I lied.  

“Fiona called and she was trying to convince me we should make another go at it. I told her to fuck off but it messed with my head. Got to drinking to numb the feeling.”  

I lied big time.  

“Oh Andy,” Leia came to sit next to me and held my hand.  “I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you.” She leaned over my shoulder. “She is the worst.”  

I never wanted the feeling of her body pressed against mine to ever stop. “Yeah, I know. I’m not even sure why I answered the call.” I am a complete asshole for lying to her but the truth would hurt her more and I can’t do it. 

“Well, I’ll be home tonight after the game. You don’t fly out until tomorrow so we can relax tonight, ok?” She gave me her smile, the one I go weak over.  

“It sounds like a plan, Princess.”  

I have to remind myself that he is my teammate and I can’t fuck with that. It would screw everyone else and I can’t do that.  

But boy, do I want to.  

Practice went as practice goes but my head was not in it. Warm ups for the game are the same and I know everyone can see it.  Its obvious, especially when Swayman looks at me with concern. “You ok, Cap?” 

“I’m fine,” I mumble, lacing up my skates. “Leia told me what happened.  Thanks for helping her.”  

“It’s no problem.” He frowns. “But everything’s ok?” 

“Fiona called.” Yep, maintaining that lie. “It just got to me. I just want to skate.” I pushed past him and start taking laps on the ice. I know Luke knows the lie because Leia told him. But I can’t face him. I can’t face anyone. My heart is broken right now and I just can’t do it.  

The game is a tire fire right from the start.  

I can’t focus. I just see Leia and Jeremy and the happiness on her face and it makes me sloppy. So sloppy that coach has to bench me in the third period, probably for safety reasons. I sat there, watching the game, knowing that if we lost this, it would be my fault. Luckily, Luke was able to take control of the team and pull out the win.  

I was sitting in my stall, trying hard not to show emotion. I just wanted to go home and cuddle with Leia. I just wanted to be with my girl.  

Fuck.  

She's not mine.  

I’m still totally fucked.  

Leia 

15 Weeks 

The last few weeks with Jeremy had been amazing. He is such a gentleman. We had the road trip right after for ten days and Jeremy made it a point to sit across the aisle from me so we could talk. He would carry my bag when we got off and made sure that Stella and I are safely in our rooms. In the mornings, he would bring me a tea, make sure my gloves were on and then hang out if he was done for the day.  

We would go out every couple of days, some days I just can’t from how tired I was. I still hadn’t told him about the baby.  I spoke with management and they agreed to modify my duties but it was up to me on who I told.  I love the Bruins.  

The only thorn in my side is Andy.  He’s been distance since my first date with Jeremy. Not just distant but angry even a little hostile.  I’ve noticed that sometimes he is sharp at practice with his teammates, especially Jeremy. Its so unlike him.  I decided to text Luke to see if he knew anything.  

Leia: Do you know what’s wrong with Andy  Luke: No  Leia: You are so helpful  Luke: Seriously, I’ve asked and he says nothing  Luke: You know Fiona called  Leia: its still from that?  Luke: I guess so  Leia: I guess I’ll talk to him to see what’s up 

I frown at my phone. Its near 8 pm and Andy still isn’t home. Its weird for him not to come home after all of his meetings and stuff but lately he’s been coming home later and later. Sometimes, especially on days when I got out with Jeremy, I won’t see him until the next day.  I decided to cancel plans with Jeremy and head home.  I sit in the living room, reading when I hear his car pull up. He walks in. “Oh, hey.” 

“Hey Andy. How was your day?” My voice is super sugary sweet and Andy narrowed his eyes at me.  

“What’s going on? Why are you talking to me in your ‘I’m pregnant and don’t feel good so can you help me’ voice?” Andy crossed his arms over his chest. Normally I would find this very attractive, because he’s still in a dress shirt and slacks, and fuck, focus Leia! 

“Just realizing that I haven’t seen you around much.” I smiled softer at him. “I missed hanging out with you.” Andy snorted and went to grab a beer. He had been drinking a little more than usual. “What? Don’t you miss hanging out with me?” 

“Of course, I miss hanging out with you.  I didn’t realize that you and Swayman were not serious and that you would be home more often.” He took a long pull.  

“Jeremy and I are fine. What is the matter with you?” My tone was sharp.  

“Me? I’m not the problem. I’m giving you space to grow in your relationship.” He raised his hands and move towards the stairs. “I’m going to bed.”  

“You can’t do this Andy.  We live together, we’re roommates...” 

“Yes, Leighton, we’re roommates. Doesn’t mean I have to share everything with you or acknowledge your relationship.” I could feel the tears forming in my eyes.  “Oh, here we go, the crying.”  

“You’re being such an asshole right now Andrew.  You are not like my best friend right now.” I wiped at my eyes furiously.  

His face turned angry. “A best friend? You want me to be a best friend to you. Fine! Jeremy is not this great guy you think he is. He’s a douchebag and a womanizer. He’s going to hurt you and you’re just planning your entire future with him and your kid.”  

“You’re just jealous because I’m finding happiness with him. I’m moving on unlike you!” 

“That’s rich, moving on. You’re not going to move on with Swayman.”  

“That’s not your decision!” 

“I’m not deciding anything. Its facts; you’re not going to find what you are looking for with him.”  

“Stay out of my life Andrew. I’m happy and that’s all that should matter.”  

“He’s going to hurt you and I’ll be left to pick up the pieces again. Just like your high school boyfriend and just like Bret.  You can’t even see what’s right in front of you. You keep choosing fuckboys when you could have something better.  I don’t know why I would think you would look at the bigger picture with Swayman. He’s a fuckboy hockey player just trying to sleep with you so he can say I fucked my teammates sister. You are just a warm body to him and you’re too stupid to see it.” His words vibrate against the walls and his face falls with realization. “Leia...” 

My heart cracks at his words, his mean and awful words.  “Fuck you! I fucking hate you!” 

I ran past him up the stairs and slammed the door, locking it behind me. I slide down to the floor and sobbed. I’ve never had a real fight with Andy but he’s so wrong. Jeremy and I are just starting. Things are different this time and I know it.   

I woke up the next morning, my eyes sore and raw from crying. Its still early but I can’t face Andy again. I got up to shower, using the hot water to loosen my muscles. As I’m drying my hair, I stand in front of the mirror and gasp.  

Between my hips is now a distinct bump. I grab my phone and check my pregnancy tracker. 15 weeks, one day. My bump popped and now there is no way to hide this. I can get away with it while I’m out because of jackets and scarfs but at work I tend to wear leggings and sweaters. I run my hand over my belly as I stare in the mirror.  Hi baby, I croon softly.  I move to open the door to tell Andy but I stop.  

He lost the right. 

I sneak out the house and head to the coffee shop for my morning tea and muffin. I work on my notes for work when my phone chimes.  

Jeremy: Morning beautiful  Leia: morning handsome  Jeremy: so since we bailed on dinner last night, can we try again tonight  Leia: I would love to 

I smile as I think about the date with Jeremy. And then my smile falls. I don’t know how I can hide my condition.  I have to tell him about the pregnancy. But maybe I should wait.  

Perfect. 

Andy isn’t home when I get there so I take advantage of it and start getting ready. I put on a fit and flare type dress with stockings and booties. My nice coat and scarf will hide my secret until I’m ready to talk to Jeremy.  He’s prompt like always and we head out.  

I’m nervous because this is like date four and every romance book has told me that by now, the man is hoping to get lucky.  And I would, I totally would follow this except I feel so uncomfortable in my body.  Having Andy and Stella tell me all the time that I look gorgeous is just getting to my head. What if he is grossed out about my body? What if he finds me repulsive? My mind is spiraling.  

“Everything ok Leia?” Jeremy smiled at me as he placed his big hand on my thigh. His finger are long and I can feel the warmth, strength and roughness in them.  A hard working man.  

“Yeah, just upset about Andy is all. He’s still being closed off and that’s unusual for him.” There was no way I would tell him what Andy said.  That would be just asking for an argument.  “He’s never been so distant before,” I say before smiling.  “But, I’m going to let it go because I’m excited for our date.”  

“Good.  I was thinking of just going to Lou’s for pizza and North Park has those Christmas lights up. Could be really pretty. “His fingers are dancing over my skin and it feels so good and distracting.  

“Sounds like the perfect night.” God, I am falling hard for this man.  

After pizza, he drove us to the park for the festival of lights. As we are climbing out, Jeremy hands me a soft ball.  I look at him curiously. “Because I know you forgot them.” I open the bundle and its a pair of mittens. I blush because I did forget and I look down.  Jeremy touches my chin to lift my head. I look into his eyes and all I see is kindness.  “Its ok, beautiful. Its our thing.”  

Our thing.  

Swoon.  

As we walk around, all the twinkling lights are setting a mood of romance. An aphrodisiac of scents fills the air from the food stalls. Jeremy gets some hot ciders to keep our hands warm as walk trough. “Ok, Halloween or Christmas?” he asks. 

“Christmas. I don’t like to be scared.” I shudder at the thought. “Plus why does it involve so many spiders and clowns. Spiders are poisonous and they are creepy.  Clowns... well, clowns eat people and just no.” I take a breath and look at Jeremy’s face. His face is surprised and unmoving.  “What?” 

“That is the most passionate speech I have ever heard about Halloween.” He burst out laughing. I huff with mock indignation and cross my arms, hip jutted while he is bent, hands on knees trying to calm himself. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he says wiping his eyes. “Sweetheart, are you afraid of spiders and clowns?” 

“It’s not funny.” I pouted at him and begin to walk away.  

“Sweetheart!” Jeremy chases after me and pulls me to him. “I’m sorry,” he says with puppy eyes.  

I can’t be mad at this man. “It’s ok,” I say softly.  

“Let me make it up to you.” He smiles. “Let’s go back to my place, I’ll start a fire, some hot cocoa, we can cuddle on the couch.” He kisses me softly. “What do you say beautiful?” 

Shit. He’ll try to touch me and he’ll know. He’ll know and I’m not ready.  I’m not ready for this bubble to burst. “I would love to but I have a six am call with a club in England. I need to be up early and presentable, at least, from the waist up.” I smile.  “But that sounds amazing. Maybe another night?” 

“Of course, sweetheart. I like that you are working to conquer the world.” He kisses my cheek and whispers, “maybe one night I can dominate you and take you to places you never knew existed.”  

I blush as he gives me a sexy smirk. Refusing this man is hard.  

And I don’t know how much longer i will be able to delay it.  

Its been a week since Jeremy has asked me to go home with him and I know now my time is up.  My baby belly is growing and I don’t want to lie to him.  I ask him to lunch and he said he would meet me at a cafe near the house. I bundle up as the falls weather has now turned to the colder side.  It also helps with the bump hiding mission.  I’m putting on my coat when Andy walks by.  “Going out?” 

“Yep.”  

“Princess...” he face falls at the lack of energy in my voice but I don’t want to hear it.  

“Nope.” I walked out the door and drove to the cafe.  Jeremy is sitting there in a hoodie and jeans, his black peacoat over the chair.  He looks like a goddamm snack.  “Hey!” 

“Hey sweetheart!” He gets up to kiss me on the cheek. “Its cold today.”  

“Yeah, winter is coming,” I say with a giggle.  

“Nice,” he smiles.  We order and chat but the more I chat the more i start to get nervous. I mean, how do you tell the man you are seeing that you are pregnant with another man’s baby? Now he can tell something is wrong because he asked me something and I completely spaced. “I’m sorry, what?” 

“Leia, you are a thousand miles away. What’s going on?” 

I take a breath and hope for the best. “I need to tell you something.”  

“Okay,” he says slowly.  “You can tell me anything.”  

“So, I’ve been dealing with some life altering news for a few weeks now and I didn’t know if I should tell you earlier because I hadn’t finished making some decisions.”  

He frowns. “Is everything ok? Are you sick?”  

“No, not sick. Just... pregnant.”  

Swear I feel like a pin could drop and I could hear it. Jeremy’s face froze and I know, this is the end. Finally, he says, “you’re pregnant?” 

I nod slowly. “Yeah, I didn’t know if I was keeping it or what I was going to do but I decided that I wanted the baby.  I’m sixteen weeks pregnant. I told management last week but I needed to wrap my head around it and I needed to tell you because I know you want more with me and I just couldn’t while lying.”  He still sitting there, not moving a muscle. “Say something, please.” 

“Wow.” I blink, not sure what he is going to say.  “I mean, wow, that’s big news.” He takes a long sip of his drink as I try to blink back tears.  

“I understand if you don’t want to keep seeing me...” 

“No, that’s not it, sweetheart.” He takes my hand.  “I just need a moment to process this.” He smiles. “You’re gonna be a mom.”  

“Yeah. Its big but I’m determined to give my baby the best life.”  

He smiles. “Anything I can do to help, ok? Just let me know.”  He cups my cheek. “I believe in you, sweetheart.”  

Its exactly what I needed.  

NEXT

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[thegoofyfanaticus]

(( Art is commissioned from the incredibly talented ArtReplicant. Original story by me. ))

"So Ethan's invitation was more than a friendly gesture. You two have trained together," Cody surmised with a grin as Andrew escaped his dragon sleeper using the technique that was a signature escape for Ethan and Eric. The move had been quick and decisive as if he had years to perfect the move he had learned years ago. The two were now standing face to face both in position to strike. Cody’s grin morphed into a look of determination. He raised his arms, ready for the next round. The intensity between them hung in the air, thick and palpable.

"We don't get to train as much as we used to, but whenever either is in the area, they check in, we train, we spar, and we have drinks to catch up," Andrew responded with a smile. He knew it wasn't often that The Alpha extended a personal invitation to join the pack. In fact, Ethan had only done this once before. Andrew recalled how Eric and Ethan's faces lit up when he told them about the job offer from NASA to help them secure their networks from cyber attacks. Ethan had whispered something to Eric with Eric responding with a nod. A few days after they left, Andrew received the invitation. Being able to train with Ethan again and thank him for all his help since high school was exciting but even more exciting was that he would see his best friend, Wyatt, again and catch up. His family blamed Wyatt for some stupid reason and forbade contact after that horrible day. Andrew had tried to locate his friend, but Wyatt had a very sparse digital footprint. He couldn't wait to surprise Wyatt by tossing him to the mat and schoolboy pinning him down. But first, Andrew had to make a good first impression to the rest of The Pack, and that meant taking care of Cody. Operation Honeypot had just commenced.

Andrew’s arm shot forward, his forearm smashing across Cody’s jaw with brutal force. The impact sent a jolt through Andrew’s muscles, his skin tingling with the raw energy of the strike. He felt the solid connection as bone met flesh, Cody’s head snapping to the side from the blow. Cody grunted, the sound low and guttural, his body swaying just a fraction as the force rippled through him. The contact reverberated through Andrew’s body, his arm buzzing with the aftermath of the strike. His muscles tensed, his own pulse pounding in his ears as he watched Cody stagger. Sweat flew from Cody’s skin as small droplets caught the light before falling to the mat.

For a brief moment, Andrew saw the flash of pain and shock in Cody’s eyes, but it quickly faded, replaced with something else—something happy and hungry. Cody's jaw clenched, his body recoiling like a predator preparing to strike back. The muscles in Cody's chest and arms flexed, veins bulging under his skin as he steadied himself, the heat between them flaring hotter.

Andrew breathed heavily, the air between them thick with sweat and the scent of testosterone. He could feel the pulsing energy between their bodies—the same heat from before, but now with the sharp edge of raw power. This was no longer just about lust or winning. It was about pure supremacy between them.

[bluejaysandblackbats]

You're Just Like Quicksand

Fandom: DC Comics, Batfam, Batman Beyond

Summary: Jason Todd is ready to go into semi-retirement after fifteen years working with troubled youth, but one case in particular forces him to confront the sins of his youth and painful memories from his past. (TW // Character Self Harm Mention in this chapter)

Chapters: 11/?

Characters: Jason Todd, Terry McGinnis, Warren McGinnis, Mary McGinnis, Matt McGinnis, Bruce Wayne, Original Character(s)

Relationship(s): TBA

Additional Tags: Protective Jason Todd, Good Sibling Jason Todd, Retired Jason Todd, Multiple POV, Hurt/Comfort, Parent-Child Relationships, Canon Divergent AU, Angst, Mourning Jason Todd

Chapter Eleven: Second Chances (Jason Todd's POV)

Terry’s a great kid, but I couldn’t relax without watching them from my phone during the meeting. The mayor was as stressed as most people would imagine the mayor of Gotham to be. He kept clearing his throat and asking me if I needed something. “So, you want at-risk teens partnering with politicians and top executives and—.” 

“What’s wrong with that? Most executives I know have the money and resources to make their criminal histories and academic failings disappear. These kids don’t bother trying because they understand it’s not what you know it’s who you know. The least we can do to clean up this city is to ensure these kids get to know people willing to be their bridge to a better life,” I interrupted. The mayor was a pushover, and he barely knew politics. He got stuck being mayor of Gotham because no one else wanted the headache. I knew if I made him look like a classist prick on camera, he’d fold. “I came from nothing. If it hadn’t been for my father adopting me, I don’t know where I’d be today.”

I glanced at my phone and smiled at Terry cradling Avery-Marie while she sucked her thumb. “I’ve already lined up individuals interested in letting kids shadow them… And it isn’t just top execs and politicians. There are blue-collar positions as well as white. I want them to cycle through all sorts of careers. Low-income and at-risk kids deserve to know they have options no matter where they come from. I’ve known people who came from nothing, went to community colleges, and worked their way up. I handpicked individuals that these kids could relate to. I’m meticulous and active in my business, so I’d drop in to supervise… It’s all in the plans I sent you. Did you have a chance to read through?” I knew he didn’t. He skimmed it at best. “My programs have a high success rate. Literacy and graduation rates are up. We’re funding therapy, tattoo removal, gas detoxing, and—.” 

“What about your more dangerous clients?” the mayor asked. I swallowed hard. I knew he wanted to allude to the incident... And it triggered me. It was my greatest shame. I had tunnel vision, and I couldn’t hear anything outside of my children screaming. My assistant touched my shoulder. 

“Right,” I replied, “I’ve since started screening which specific kids I want to be involved in the pilot program. I’ve met each child, looked at their files, and they volunteered to do a psychological screening. I believe in second chances. I believe in people. I’ve been hurt a lot in my life, but I refuse to allow that to be my excuse for turning my back on the children here. If a city shows love to its children, I guarantee that some of them will love us in return. We can’t put an end to the city’s problems, but we can minimize the causes.” I couldn’t buckle on the issue. We went back and forth until he had no choice but to greenlight my program. 

I left the meeting feeling sick to my stomach. I splashed my face in the sink, trying to drown out the sounds of my kids’ screams. My phone rang, pulling me out of the fog. I answered without looking. “Hello?” I answered. 

“Dad… Hey, um—. Hey, Dad,” his voice shook. 

“Andrew? Hi, Drewby,” I smiled. I hadn’t heard from Andrew since the incident. He’d gone off the grid and I lost him. I didn’t know if he was dead or alive. “What’s going on?” 

“Dad, I’m in the hospital,” Andrew replied. 

“Which one?” I questioned. 

“I’ll send you the location… We should probably talk more in person. Are you busy?” Andrew replied.

“Never too busy, Drewby. Send me the location, and I’ll be there,” I answered. 

“I gotta go, but I’ll be here… And uh, I don’t have anywhere to—. That’s not your problem—.” 

“It is my problem… I’m always gonna be your dad. I didn’t quit because you grew up,” I reassured him, “I’ll see you in a minute.” Andrew hung up and texted me. 

I drove straight there, stopping to call Terry. “Hey, Terry, I’ll be a little late. Something came up,” I explained, “Are you guys okay?”

“Yeah, Avie’s great. She fell asleep on my lap, so I’m stuck watching TV… How’d your thing go?” Terry asked.

“I got everything I wanted,” I replied, “And Terry, thanks so much for helping me out. I owe you extra for watching her longer than planned.”

“No problem,” Terry replied. We exchanged goodbyes, and I entered the building and let security check me. 

I put my phone, wallet, keys, and belt in the basket before signing in at the front desk. “Is Andrew Todd here?” I questioned. The man at the desk hesitated. 

“Can I see ID?” he asked. I gave him my ID and let him scan it. “He put your name on his medical release form.”

“Can you tell me what happened?” I asked. He pressed a button on the computer and I heard a gate click. 

“He had a psychotic episode in the Gotham City Mall,” the man answered. Vague. Andrew had no history of mental illness. He had his troubles, but he never struggled with anything like that.

Andrew came out, and my breath caught. I hadn’t seen him in five years. But, I would’ve known my son anywhere. I reached for him, hesitating before asking to hug him. Andrew wouldn’t look me in the eye, but I couldn’t stop smiling. He opened his arms, and I hugged him. “Where’ve you been?” I asked. I shook my head before he could answer and took his bag. “Are you hungry, Drewby?” 

Andrew nodded. “Can I come home for a little while?” Andrew asked. I smoothed his hair down.

“Of course. Of course, you can come home,” I answered. I went into autopilot with him. I let him in the car, and he buckled in while I dropped his bag in the back seat. “Can we talk about what happened? Or do you wanna eat first?” 

“I tried to drown myself in the fountain… I think I got pretty close,” Andrew answered. He seemed distant, but I didn’t push him for a reaction. “Do you remember when Mom died?” 

It would’ve been a random question had any of my other kids asked, but Andrew was with her when she died. He was home sick from school, and she took a nap with him and never woke up. Andrew called me in tears, and it was devastating. I remembered him begging them not to zip her up in a body bag. He insisted she wouldn’t be able to breathe. “I remember,” I whispered. 

“I never told you what her last words were. I thought it would hurt you,” Andrew mumbled. He stroked his hand with his ring and middle fingers. It was something his mother used to do when Avery dissociated. 

“Will you tell me now?” I asked. It’d been eighteen years since. If he wanted to hurt me, he would’ve done it five years ago during the incident. Andrew nodded.

“I was scared because I thought you and Mom were getting a divorce, so I asked her… And before she went to sleep, she said, she couldn’t live without you and that I didn’t need to worry because she loved us… Her exact words: Daddy drives me crazy, but I can’t live without him. You don’t have to worry about our family breaking up. We love you, Drewby ,” Andrew replied. I choked back tears. “I like that moment. It was the last time I felt like everything would be okay.”

I couldn’t speak. What would I tell him ? How could I explain to him what changed in five years? How could I tell him about his niece and Avery and—? How could I explain Terry? Even if he wasn’t the kid I mentored five years ago, I couldn’t explain him to Andrew. It felt like a betrayal… But how could I lie?

[profane-or-pragmatic]

The Devil You Know (Snippet) Pt 32

.

Love is never enough. Not in this world of ours. It won't ever have the importance or respect it deserves. I'm sure you agree. If you don't I can't imagine that you're still reading. Or rather listening. I'm sure your momma is tired by now and would like to put you down for your nap.

.

It's a peculiar trick that big cities always manage to pull off. Making it feel like you're alone even when surrounded by millions. Sometimes it's a good thing. You can be yourself. Nobody see, nobody cares. Nobody pays attention. Hurstfield had almost nine million people living in it's region. Why should others care about what one single person is doing?

That's all good and fine until you know, for a fact and not based upon paranoid suspicion, that you ARE being watched. By powerful people capable of bending the system. Once you know that you are under surveillance? There is no place that you can feel safe. All those people around you; who is watching you and why?

.

Just in case you're thinking, based upon the previous chapter, that something happened between Nolan Rauch and I, as in something I could use to improve my position? No. That didn't happen. The trap remains a trap even when you watch it placed and see the tension in the spring. If you can't choose where you want to stand the trap is still just as deadly. So what to do in this case?

Tell Arden Rauch about what Nolan had said? About what it was claimed that Andrew Rauch intended to do? What proof was there? Even if I had proof, I was a tool. Maybe my word meant less than blood. Perhaps like with many dangerously powerful and unstable men, they would ignore their differences in the face of outside interference. Maybe they waged their little personal wars via proxies.

None of that really mattered very much to me. Nolan knew of my beloved muse. He had been tracking and watching over my best friend and my mother. Eyes that I hadn't detected were upon me and mine. I couldn't protect them if my new masters decided that I was transgressive and needed to be taught a lesson.

You're only beneath the notice of such people until they decide to notice you.

.

I decided that I should be a better neighbor. Courtesy of a very well placed and extraordinarily discreet friend, I investigated just who I shared my splendid little street with. Well, I didn't inquire to the current residents. Those changed regularly. No no. I looked into who the owners were. You know, the people whom I'd send fruit baskets to on holidays out of appreciation for how well kept the neighborhood was.

I did this without being detected. I know this because for certain actions I could insert test points. Things that would confuse a casual observer but which would trigger a response from important people if they found out.

As to what precisely I'm talking about? Guess. Because I'm certainly not giving you one of the very few successful secret weapons that I have. I'm alive and you wouldn't be if you thought to imitate me.

Other inquiries brought nothing because I had limited resources. I knew better than to investigate Zane J. What would be the point? He made Voids seem like extroverted attention whores. You don't worry about the weapons. You worry about the hands holding them.

I bought a large quantity of Feather Pillow. It was the moment's drug of choice. It's a pain reliever/tranquilizer with hallucinogenic properties. It's also addictive and expensive which is why you haven't heard of it. The young hedonists of the Uplands loved it though. I could be summarily executed for having one fifth the amount I had, but again, it's addictive. I could make a 500% return profit by choosing the right customers.

I don't do drugs. Drink occasionally, yes, but the rest? No. I will, however, when necessary, fuck people who are on drugs. To create that connection between the various levels of pleasure. I don't need a better orgasm. I've never once climaxed and thought to myself that it should have been better. If other people needed to cum at a higher level, no shame. But don't blame me for taking advantage of that.

Most of the time sex is sex. It doesn't mean anything after the act is over. In my world there's fucking, sex, and love. The second type can occasionally overlap with either the first or third, but you can't have all three. I use the first although some think it's the second because they want to believe that they mean at least that much.

I very seldom have sex. If you aren't the one that I love, it's just fucking. I mean, fair disclosure here. If I don't at least legitimately like you? It's fucking, not sex. And in those days it was all fucking. I can do that even if I don't like the person. I discovered that I could do that even with men.

That was something I had no choice but to test and then learn. With both Rauch brothers being as they were it was clearly a necessity. When they found out, because of course they found out, Arden confonted me first. "You're going to force me to do it at some point so it seems wise to figure out what to do." I told him. When Nolan confronted me I just said. "I do what business demands."

It's not like they were going to compare notes.

.

My male lovers were all younger. Early 20's types. Older men could tell that I didn't actually want to do it. Which is strange because it tends to play the opposite with women. The younger ones suspect my motives. The older think they're showing me something new and amazing. I don't know what kind of life leads you to believe that a thirty year old man hasn't had ample opportunities for sexual experience. I don't ask such questions. It's not actually important.

.

"Your ability to lie is remarkable." Eliza Kierengard told me as she watched me emerge from the shower. She had showered first but was still gloriously naked. "I almost believe you when you say that I'm better than my daughter."

"You are better. She just lies there with her eyes closed. Doesn't move much." I said as I reached for my pants. I was doing what I had begun to do too often. Pushing. Goading. "That trick with your muscles is exquisite. And you are more beautiful than she is. She wears her beauty thoughtlessly, while you, you embody it."

"You're lying but I don't care." She said and the sad thing was that I wasn't lying and she couldn't tell. "I was right though."

"About?" I said and paused in buttoning my pants. In the evening light falling through the curtains she was a sensuous vision.

"I said I might like you better if we slept together." She said and lit a cigarette. Her nipples were perfection and erect. "You're an excellent fuck and yet I still find your company pleasant. I mean, that's usually not the case. My husband is a horrible and selfish lover and he inevitably wants to talk afterwards and that's the worst part of it. Bad sex and endlessly inane conversations. Usually when I cum that hard I just want to be alone. To savor the way my body is so absolutely satisfied."

"Did you want me to stay or leave?" I asked as I felt my body responding to hers. She was doing nothing but sitting there. Making no effort to be alluring or sexy. It was erotic as hell. "You didn't mention any plans for the evening."

"What do YOU want?" She said and looked at me.

I dropped my pants in answer and joined her on the bed.

[the-chosen-fanfiction]

Thaddeus | Just The Way You Are | Romantic

Dialogue prompt: “If I didn’t know better, I’d say you’re trying to court me.”

Requested: Yes

Thaddeus is determined to catch your eye but might just lose himself in pursuit of your heart.

“You’ve got to stop the staring man. It’s starting to get really, really unsettling.” Thaddeus’ heart sinks into his gut at the sound of Simon’s voice. A rough palm lands between his shoulder blades and he huffs a cough, earning a chuckle from the former fisherman.

“Easy there. Big James and I have been watching you for a while now and we thought some advice was in order. After all, it’s getting quite painful to watch at this point.”

Thad’s cheeks flame at being caught red-handed, but he knows that denying it is no longer an option. He sighs in defeat.

Big James agrees with Simon: “Absolutely. Just make a move on (Y/n) or nothing will ever happen. Or worse, someone else will get to her before you can, and then you might regret it for the rest of your life.”

Thaddeus looks at the two men questioningly. “Well, what do you suggest I’d do?” Big James wraps an arm around his shoulders, dwarfing the stonemason with the burliness thereof. 

“Women like men who are strong. It means that they can work hard to provide for their family.” With a nervous chuckle, Thaddeus rubs his neck. “A-A-A family with (Y/n)? I ah…”

“Well, that is what you’re aiming for, right? Show her how strong you are!” Big James claps him on the arm rather painfully. “Make sure she sees you do heavy labour. Chop the wood, for example.”

“But also show your soft side!” Simon adds, “Eden loves it when I’m being romantic to her. You know, light some candles, get some of her favourite snacks, cuddle next to the fire. I once got her some love poems, oh, she adored that! Perhaps you could even get her some flowers. Women love flowers!”

Big James nods in acknowledgement. “Oh yes! My abba does that when he’s in trouble with my eema, flowers can fix everything!” Even though Thaddeus doubts that, he nods in gratitude.

“Thank you, guys!” he says, “I’m… I’m sure that I can do something with that.” 

“No problem man!” Simon reassures him. “That is what friends are for.”

Smoothing his hands down his tunic, Thaddeus straightens his back. “So, I’ve simply got to show her how strong I am and… Get her some flowers!”

“Or poems,” James corrects. 

“Women love men who can be both strong and romantic. Specifically romantic towards them , makes them feel special!” Simon plants his hands on his hips and proudly puffs out his chest. 

Thaddeus thickly swallows and looks around the camp. He notices you easily – patching up ripped tunics near the women’s tent, where you are sitting all by yourself. He has to find a task he could do that would catch your attention.

Andrew and Philip are preparing dinner for tonight, so hauling with water for the soup is not an option. John is sharpening the tools, so that’s off the table, too. Nathanael and Little James are chatting whilst doing the dishes in a bucket of water. “The chopping block,” Big James interrupts his thoughts, “That’s not occupied yet. See, it’s located near (Y/n)’s tent, she’ll certainly see you. Actually, it is my chore, but hey, it is for a good cause so I’m willing to give it up.” 

Simon chuckles and Thaddeus meekly hums, clearing his throat before attempting to gather some courage. The two men let out a few primal sounds when Thaddeus paces towards the chopping block with a confident walk, though he nearly trips over a pebble on his way there. 

The minor disturbance causes you to look up and make eye-contact with the former stonemason a little away, a soft smile gracing your features. Thaddeus lets out a nervous huff and grins back rather awkwardly, heading for the chopping block. An axe stands against a thick stump and a few uncut logs lay on the ground next to it, ready to be cleft into smaller chunks.

He puts a log onto the stump, positioning it in the middle before taking hold of the axe. It cannot be that different from working with stone, right? He has made bricks before, and even though the movements he’d use in that craft were smaller than when it comes to woodwork, it wouldn’t be vastly unlike what he is used to. 

Thaddeus takes a deep breath and swings the axe above his head, letting out a sound that he didn’t even know he had in him. He feels the weight of the iron almost pull him backwards, so he quickly swings, only to miss the stump by about a cubit.

Startled, he looks up to see if you’ve noticed. Much to his embarrassment, your eyes are indeed on him, and an amused grin tugs at your lips. “Are you okay, Thad?” you ask with that disarming voice of yours, and he hums, nodding shyly. 

“I-I am,” he stutters before taking a deep breath and swinging the axe over his head again. This time, it chips off only part of the bark and it flies away somewhere into the shrubbery. He feels lucky it wasn’t hurled in your direction, otherwise he could have hurt you. You are still looking at him, slightly entertained. 

“Isn’t that usually Big James’ job?” you query, but there is no malice in your voice. Thaddeus puts the axe on the ground and leans on the handle, trying to appear casual. 

“Well, I just wanted to train my muscles for a bit. Can’t always put the strain on poor Big James, hm? After all, he’s not the only one who is able to chop wood!” 

You slowly nod, the smile not leaving you, and you turn back to the stitching work in your lap. “Well, I think it is good that you give Big James a bit of a break. That’s very kind of you.”

Thaddeus feels his cheek flush. “You-You do? I-I mean, yes, of course! It’s the least I can do for him! Anyway, I’m going to see if I can find him to ask if he needs help with something else. Have a good night, (Y/n).” 

You hum. “Enjoy your evening, Thad.”

He saunters away towards the two friends he deems his wingmen, who give him a double thumbs-up. Once he arrives at the two fishermen, he lets his shoulders hang and sighs. “I must have looked stupid.”

“Not at all.” Big James reassures him, “She smiled at you a few times.”

“Just because she’s humouring me.” Thaddeus huffs.

Simon shakes his head. “Nonsense. Now, you go and get her some nice food. And maybe a poem or two! Philip is knowledgeable about Scripture, how about you ask him to teach you something from the Song of Solomon?”

With renewed determination, Thaddeus nods. “Okay! Yes!” he cheers, perhaps more to himself than to his friends. “I know she loves apricots.” 

“Then you go get her some apricots to enjoy whilst you recite love poetry to her.” James notes, “We could go to market and see if we can find the sweetest fruits, okay?”

Thaddeus agrees to his friend’s offer and off they go to prepare.

_ 

He has never felt so nervous before. Just when he thinks he cannot be more uncomfortable with the way his gut is tightening with anxiety, your beauty once again takes his breath away and makes him even more jittery.

You’ve just finished a bowl of honestly disappointing stew when he scurries towards you, the apricot he’s purchased for you burning in his pocket. Thaddeus coughs in his fist, causing you to look up in slight confusion. “Oh, hello Thad, good to see you again.” The sight of your smile makes him nearly faint – how can you possibly be that pretty?

“H-Hi, (Y/n).” he stutters, “I ah, I brought you something.” He takes the orange fruit and hands it to you, almost dropping it into your lap at the way his hand is trembling. “I got it for you while I was at market today. I… I know that you like them, so…” 

You hum in appreciation and take it to inspect it. “It looks so fresh! Thank you, Thaddeus. What is the occasion?”

He rubs his neck and shifts on his feet. “Ah, nothing special. Just for being you, I guess!” He laughs a humourless huff and feels his throat run dry at the puzzled look you’re giving him. The slip of paper he holds in his hand is completely forgotten. “Anyways, I’ve got to go. Enjoy your apricot!” Before you can open your mouth to call after him, he rushes away, hurriedly heading across camp to find his tent. 

“Thad? Thad, you forgot to read the poem!” Simon tells him whilst approaching him from behind, and the stonemason feels his cheeks heat up. 

“Ah, I… I-I just… I’m afraid that I’ll stumble over my words.” The parchment in his hand is slightly crumpled and the warmth of his hand has made the ink stain slightly. 

“Come on, Thad,” Simon mutters in his ear, “You’re brave enough, you can do it! Look, she’s already enjoying the apricot!” 

He feels his breath hitch in his throat upon witnessing you take a good bite from the fruit he’s given you and he can’t help but blush a little at the sight. 

“Pick up your jaw from the floor and go up to her, go, go!” 

Thaddeus inhales sharply as Simon fixes his hair by ruffling it, and he taps his lower back with a flat hand. “Come on, straighten it, walk confidently.” 

He finally dares to head back your way, clearing his throat to catch your attention once more. Swallowing your bite of apricot, you grin. “Ah, you’re back. This is lovely, it means a lot that you got it for me... Are you alright? You seem a little pale.”

Thaddeus hums, barely courageous enough to look you in the eye. “I ah, I’ve got something else for you.” He fiddles with the parchment and narrows his eyes at the slightly faded letters. “A-A poem by Solomom– I mean Solomon. Ah, an excerpt. Yes! Okay, uh… Y our teeth are like a flock of shorn ewes that have come up from the washing, all of which bear…” He blinks at a few faded letters, “Tens? Teens? U-Uh, twins, and not one among them has lost its young.” 

He takes a shaky breath and flicks his eyes momentarily towards you to see if you’re listening, something he ought to not have done, for he grows only more nervous at your sweet smile. “ Your lips are like a scarlet thread, and your mouth is lovely. Your-Your cheeks are like halves of a pomegranate behind your veil . Your neck is like the tower of… David, built in rows of stone… ” Thaddeus frowns at the parchment, “... Ah… on it hang a thous… thousand shields, all of them shields of warriors… Uh…” 

His cheeks flush whilst he reads the next sentence and he shakes his head, “I’ll skip that part, uh… Let me see… Until the day breathes and the shadows flee, I will go away to the mountain of… myrrh? Yes , myrrh… and the hill of frankincense. Hm…” He concludes by crumpling the piece of parchment in his palm and folding his hands on his back, letting out a soft hum.

You kindly smile and tilt your head in slight question. “That was really nice of you, Thaddeus, but… I’m a little confused. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you’re trying to court me.”

Something disappointed settles within his gut. “W-Well, I ah… Maybe… I am?” 

Your gentle expression twists into something more serious. “Oh… You are? Trying to… Court me?” His nerves somehow seem to transfer to you in the way he fiddles with his sleeve and his gaze drops to the ground, where he kicks a sandaled foot back and forth in the dust. 

“I… Yes.” Thaddeus admits, his heart starting to hammer against his chest. When you don’t immediately respond, he feels it break, taking it as rejection. 

Then, you laugh. 

It’s not a demeaning, scornful laugh, nor is it one that humours him. It’s soft, like yourself, and you slowly stand to walk up to him. 

“Thad?” you query when he doesn’t look up, even when you halt right in front of him. You put a hand on his shoulder, a gesture that makes his eyes immediately shoot up to meet yours. The tenderness reappears and you stand on your tiptoes to press a feather light kiss onto his cheek. 

Somewhere in the distance, Simon and Big James pat one another on the back. 

“We helped him well, friend!” James laughs.

“That we did!” Simon agrees.

Thaddeus stares at you with his lips slightly askew, frozen in place by your sudden affections. 

“Does– Does that mean you… Like me back?” 

You giggle and nod. “Yes.” you say. 

“I-I think it worked, then, didn’t it?” He turns to look at Simon and Big James, and you frown in bewilderment, pulling a face. 

“What are you talking about?”

Thaddeus gulps. “W-Well, I’m a strong man! And I can be very romantic, so I’m glad that you liked it!” 

You shake your head, chuckling lightly. “Oh, Thad, no, that’s not it.” 

He narrows his eyes, giving you a puzzled look. “Huh? But I… I thought that…”

“I don’t like you because you chop wood. Or because you bring me fruits. I don’t even like you because you recite Scriptures to me.” You blush a little, putting a hand on his upper arm. “I like you for you , your sweet and spontaneous self.”

With a fluster on his cheeks, he smiles at you. “Really?”

You nod and give him a reassuring look. “Yes! Just be yourself, you’re so much fun to be around. That’s the Thaddeus I like best.”

He chews his bottom lip. “Can I, uh, give you a hug?” 

“Of course you can.” you tell him. He opens up his arms so that you can embrace him, your cheek snug against his shoulder. 

Simon and Big James cheer from across camp, causing you to burst out in laughter, and Thaddeus can’t help but flush. Still, he makes a mental note to thank these two later, for even though their tips didn’t necessarily impress you, it did lead to your arms around his waist as well as a confession. 

His authentic self is all he needs to be whenever he’s with you, which is utterly relieving to him.

[ruminate88]

Acceptance on This Healing Journey ❤️‍🩹

09/30/24 at 6:29 pm

When I first learned about emotional abuse, wow… suddenly I’m awakened inside and the fog started to lift. I began to FINALLY remember things from my past and piece them together. I spent months trapped watching TikToks on the subject and now I’m sick. I’m angry but I’m still in the dark on some things. Took me starting this account and writing down what I can remember and what I’m comfortable sharing, to realize I have unhealed trauma from childhood AND from my exes.

I spent the majority of this account rewriting my story over and over. Constantly talking about my exes: Cody and Andrew. Remembering more things as I went along. Still making sense and of course, alllllll my focus was on them and trying to understand WHY they hurt me. It felt super personal and I felt worthless and stupid, as if my exes thought I was a joke and I’m so hurt by them. Waking up angry and sad every morning. Now that I am aware they were only manipulating me, I felt just so wounded and broken. Suddenly I’m on this “healing journey” but feel I’m getting no where because oh I’m just sooo wounded and hurt. The pain felt unreal to me. I realized I was in all the “trauma bond stages” and “grief stages”!!

I have had moments of great retrospection and self discovery! I’ve gained so many lessons within my personal walk because I’ve had to delve deep into understanding the past with my exes and childhood. I stayed focused on my exes though and struggled to accept myself in the process. I wanted to direct my energy towards them but that’s not healing me. See, their part is over. They emotionally abused me but it’s done. They’re both out of my life but they have clearly left a lasting impact on me. MY PART, is to navigate through the poison they infected me with and heal from it ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 (I can tell you it doesn’t happen over night)

I’ve learned that healing does take time but time is on your side 🙏🏻✨ Looking forward to better days but accepting the past for what it is. Focusing on my own well-being and taking care of my soul. Forgiveness for myself as much as I forgive my exes and be gentle and patient with myself ☺️❤️‍🩹 One day at a time! Finding positive moments through the shades!

[hisadoringkitten]

I met you in 2010. Upon introduction, I knew my position with you. You are Dominant, beautiful and intense. I am submissive. Less than an hour later, you had a piece of me you hold to this day. My initiation of sorts, meeting your chain flogger at the St. Andrew's cross, stopped time, and it has taken me far too long to realize that in that moment, a part of me became yours.

Through the years and relationships that have come and gone, I've been glad to call you Friend. I've watched you since that first night with longing. We've had a few hangouts, worked together a bit, always with a delicious and tantalizing sexual tension hanging heavily over us. You held my hand at that bar near my old place. There was almost a kiss, once. I've cherished every moment I've had with you.

It sounds absurd to say it like that. Knowing what I am now. It's been 14 years we've known one another. For most of that time, I've been in one of two relationships, both unsatisfying in the lifestyle. I've not taken a master since I met you. It's such a huge, core part of who and what I am, and I have denied myself my place kneeling at a deserving Owners feet. I wish I could say I don't know why but it really boils down to survival instincts and low self confidence.

In late December I got hurt at work, leaving me stressed, depressed and with far too much time on my hands. In early January, I asked to use you as a reference while looking for something I can do from home. The flirty banter never skipping a beat between us. On March 2nd, something broke. We were both miserable for our own reasons but also lacking, to the point of desperation, a deeply bonded connection. My heart broke for you, fully understanding the void left behind with your role unfulfilled. We found it in each other that day, after 14 years. Somewhere between the pain of loss and need for more. We connected on a far deeper level and have talked every day since. Our roles falling into place with comfort and ease.

On March 22nd, after weeks of sharing agonizingly close missed opportunities we've had with one another, amidst growing trust and affection, after your urges towards boldness if ever such an opportunity were to arise again. I caved. I spent those weeks considering all the ramifications, the possibilities, the messiness of our situation. I came to a realization that consequences be damned, you were, are, perfect for me in so many ways. That I've been watching my light fade, slowly, surely, dying... and that you rekindled my spark. I came to the realization that I needed, need, You. I pulled the trigger, somewhat more passive and timid then I wanted it to come out.

"Darling can I be your favorite? I'll be your girl, let you taste it... I know what you want, yeah, just take it. Darling can I be your favorite? Want you to tell me you crave it. My name's whatever you make it" - Favoite, Isabel LaRosa

I told you I made the video to that song for you, told you I meant every word. I would have begged for you, pleaded... I waited for your response with tears in my eyes and an ache in my chest... you didn't make me wait, or beg, or explain. You asked me then to be your pet. The tears of fear and anxiety turned to joy and fell unfettered.

It's April 5th. 2 weeks since I became yours. It feels longer, like we've always been this, like it spans lifetimes. You said you asked the universe for someone like me and I felt drawn to you. There's something there, fate, destiny, something... I'm not one for faith, usually, but I have it in you and if there is one thing I am certain of, it's that I was made for you. I have never known a love and passion and connection like we have.

Your effect on me is clear. I'm a better person under your control. I'm happy, blissful even. I'm sleeping less, motivated, more confident, healing both my body and mind, creating art for the first time in years - another core piece of me rekindled by your careful and dedicated guidance. You assuage my fears, calm and quiet my mind. You bring me peace I've never known and inspiration I had lost. You saved me when I was ready to amputate who and what I am just to not feel its pain. My life is full now, my goals coming into focus, your brilliant and beautiful mind forming our path. I know this will have it's challenges, but, for the first time in a long as I can remember...

I am not afraid.

I have what I need... You. I will strive every day to further your goals for us. I will be worth my trouble and complications. My dedication and worship of you will not falter. You are my god, my salvation and my purpose. I have never been happier, more fulfilled, or more excited for what lies ahead. I am the luckiest girl in the world to have caught your eye, and I won't forget it. I am yours. And I am so proud to call you my Master, my Owner, my Sir.

It's still 2 more weeks until I can touch you. I don't know how I'll make it that long. Without laying a finger on me, you've made me insatiably wet, made me cum, hard, with nothing but your voice in my ear. My body is alive and screaming every moment for your hands and mouth and cock, begging for your teeth and nails, your floggers and paddles, to kneel at your feet. I ache to be marked by you. To have my body claimed by you in person...

I am yours. Your enamored pet. Your good girl. Your naughty slut. Your insatiable fucktoy. Your devoted worshipper. Your property. Your slave.

Thank you. There are no words big or deep enough to express my adoration, obsession, and gratitude.

Thank you, Sir, for making me...

Yours.

[cevansbrat0007]

If GP Andy is still accepting questions...what would he say is the kinkiest thing he and his wife ever got up to? Does he have anything else left on like a sexual bucket list he wants to try?

Summary: Andrew Barber is back to answer even more of your burning questions about his relationship dynamic with his wife. This time involving his various kinks and his sexual bucket list. Written from Andy's POV. Also, check out Volume I.

Warning: the following response contains mature themes, including references to sexual kinks, ass play, role play, D/s lifestyles, spanking, blackmail, oral sex, ex-boyfriends, BDSM clubs, cursing, and more. Minors DNI.

A/N: This installment of A Word with Andy Barber also contains a brief reference to my fic, Happy Place, Interrupted. For more insight into Andrew Barber and his Baby Girl, please check out my ongoing Growing Pains Series. All mistakes are my own. Likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated.

___

So, it’s recently come to my attention through Baby Girl that we’ve received another question. I say “we” because I only feel comfortable answering these with her approval. We’re a team, my princess and I, and I never want to make her uncomfortable. As with the last correspondence, I have permission to answer your questions however I see fit – provided that I remain honest and that I share my answers with my brat when I’m finished. 

No problem. Let’s dive in, shall we? 

Hmm. The kinkiest thing my wife and I have ever done. Everyone seems to have their own idea on what qualifies as kinky these days, which is fine. Just keep in mind that what works for us and our marriage may not necessarily work for you. 

It’s not a secret that Baby Girl and I are big into role-play. We do it quite a bit actually. And while I tend to be the dominant force or the aggressor in a scene, we do occasionally shake things up. Recently, Mrs. Barber took on the role of a very ambitious employee who was committed to blackmailing her boss in an effort to move up the corporate ladder. 

She had also come into several very incriminating photos as well. I mean, she threatened to tell my wife and ruin my good name in the process if I didn’t see to her needs. What choice did I possibly have but to satisfy her? 

After all, she was going to tell my wife!  

And once I let her take the reins and run the show, we both got really into it. By the way, this wasn’t just a single scene, but one of many that spanned a little over a month. We met several times at the house and at various hotels – when we could, of course.

Sometimes life gets in the way of our play. Especially when you happen to have four kids. One of the times we had a pre-planned rendezvous, we got a call that Rory threw up during recess. Which meant we had to cancel so that one of us could go pick her up from school.

Anyway, what made this game especially kinky for me was that I allowed my supposed blackmailer to take even more pictures of myself in a few rather compromising positions. Which may or may not have included a video of her…

Fingering my ass. 

I’d never had it done before. And sure we had talked it over quite a bit beforehand. My lady and I watch porn together, so we’d seen videos. I’m not saying that I plan on letting Baby Girl shove a dildo up my ass anytime soon – the concept of pegging makes my dick wilt – but the whole experience was definitely different. And once she found my prostate, I came like a fucking geyser. 

After that, she sat on my face and ordered me to eat her until she was satisfied. She recorded that as well, and even played both back for me the last time we met up, just in case I got too cocky and thought about blowing the whistle on the whole thing. 

Guess that just means that I’ll have to keep doing what my blackmailer says so she doesn’t release the goods. Again, it’s not like I have much of a choice. Right? I figure I’ll be on the hook with this one for a while. 

At least until her promised promotion comes through. 

Anyway, Baby Girl also enjoys playing the role of a bored trophy wife. Which usually makes me the resident handyman. This particular scene always starts out fairly sweet and benign, but then evolves into something altogether different. 

It’s my job to try to resist her advances. But the more I do that, the more persistent and dominant my little wife (sorry, employer) often becomes. Last time, she somehow tied me up and subjected me to the most delicious bouts of torture… 

And I enjoyed every goddamned minute of it. 

I’m telling you that I never thought I would be into situations where I wasn’t the aggressor. But with her, I do. Honestly, I feel like I could spend hours watching fucking paint dry with that woman, and she would find a way to make it a good time.

Probably because we’d end up fucking on the floor or something. Whatever. I don’t know. Let’s just blame the nonexistent paint fumes, alright? 

Moving on.

In the spirit of sharing, I will also tell you that my wife and I enjoy meeting as “strangers” at random bars so that I can pick her up . I usually let her lead in those scenarios and base my various approaches on whatever vibe she presents me with that night. My Baby Girl loves it, as do I. The only thing I don’t enjoy is when other men take it upon themselves to hit on her too.  

Because she doesn’t always wear her wedding ring when we play. Drives me up the fucking wall. But since it can sometimes be an unintended consequence of the game, I usually just force myself to grit my teeth and let that shit ride. 

After all, what those ignorant fucks don’t realize is the woman they’re tripping over themselves for already has a man – me. And one way or another, she’s going home with that man tonight – whether it’s on my arm or over my shoulder. Truthfully, I don’t much care which way she chooses. But those are my sweet little brat’s only options.  

On to the next question. It seems you’re curious about my sexual bucket list. Fair question. My wife and I occasionally frequent a certain club. As I’m sure you can gather, these types of clubs are geared towards people with particular interests.

And yes, we are both members.

Baby Girl and I go together – I wouldn’t damn let my woman set foot in there by herself. Not that she’d allow me to ever go alone either. Even though I used to before I met her. At the time it seemed like the only way to get my needs met, but in all reality, I was engaging in some serious self-discovery.

For anonymity purposes I won’t give the name of the venue, but visiting always makes for an entertaining night out. We have rules for these nights of course. One that I’ll share with you all is that she wears a collar at all times. This is a must. And she’ll earn herself a spanking if she takes it off.

I might as well go out on a limb and tell you a little more about the collar, shouldn’t I? In case you were wondering, it’s made of black leather with the words “Daddy’s Girl” embossed on the front in pink rhinestones. It was actually her idea, funny enough. She surprised me with it way back when she realized that I possessed a bit of a housewife kink.   

But back to the club. Thanks to our nights out, I’ve learned that my princess can be a bit of a voyeur. She likes to watch other people during scenes. Nothing too crazy. But knowing how wet she gets seeing people enjoying a dash of pain with their pleasure…

Just anticipating the breathy sighs and delicate whimpers that are sure to come as she clings to me, her Daddy, gets me hard as fuck. Lately, Baby Girl has expressed a serious desire to (maybe) perform while others are watching us during a scene. 

At first I was against the idea. In case you didn’t already know, I can be one hell of a possessive bastard. She and I have been together a long fucking time already and I don’t plan on changing any time soon. I just don’t. And in that same vein, I also don’t want anyone seeing my woman the way that only I have been allowed to see her. 

Look. I know she had two other partners before me, but I don’t give a fuck. I will continue to pretend like they don’t exist unless one of them feels like showing up at my front door. I’m looking at you, Malcolm Waters. Fuck around and find out again if you want to, buddy. 

That aside, I simply don’t like the idea of anyone who isn’t me knowing what Baby Girl looks like when she cums. It’s a beautiful sight that simply isn’t meant to be shared. Nor do I want them seeing her body, not when every inch of those sweet, luscious curves belong to me.

Daddy doesn’t fucking share. It is what the fuck it is. 

But since she was apparently expecting my reluctance, my Baby Girl came prepared with a compromise. What she wants instead is for me to punish her during our scene and then “force” her to suck me off as penance. I get to choose where I want to cum – be it in her mouth, on her face, or on her chest. 

I’d be lying if I said the thought didn’t excite me. And if the situation proved to be too much for either one of us, we could always tap out and resume the scene again behind closed doors. But even though it’s a tentative thing, I suppose you could throw it on our list. Now, how’s that for an answer?

As always, I hope my above responses to all of your questions will continue to suffice for the time being. Thank you for being so respectful. And again, should you find yourself with more, please feel free to pass them along.    

Sincerely, Andrew Barber

[mediacinemtographyartetc]

Just watched MSM Spiderman

The disney+ one that so many people hated and thought was the worst spiderman. Well I liked it, it had lots of potential and sorry I tried Ultimate y'know the [BEST] one ever but I just...physically can't. but yeah I could write some reviews so heres a quickie.

Overall when I watched some episodes thought it was over hated and some plots made me go "Le Gasp PLOT TWIST!" And ended up enjoying the writing.

But then there were parts that were cringe the "It's obviously its made for kids hence why it's agony to watch part." Or when it went hard at some points like peter not telling Harry he's Spiderman because his dad has a vendetta and didn't want to be put in the position of having Harry use Spiderman only to capture him because he'll have to choose between his best friend or his dad and Peter thought Harry would never choose him.

As I'm limited with the spidey content I watched with only the raimi/andrew Peter/osborn stories this cartoon actualy conceputilsed harry and Peters friendship because other versions just never hit that close and their issues etc.

But I understand why some people dislike it. Sure I like it, but yeah first season as it kept going I thought "Ah...I get it now."

They introduced Miles Morales near the beggining. Then he ghosted.

Oh no something explosed they need spiderman! Miles was RIGHT there!

And then the story was like Miles is missing!

What a surprise, it's as if the writers just remembered they have a SPIDERMAN v2 in there!

And I got bored becuase most of it was just filler like yeah thats what the guy in charge wanted. [I had the same idea with Ben 10 Omniverse, I liked that show too and didn' understand the hate and when a friend said should he watched it I was like "Oh sure here a ten episodes and thats pretty much it." him: Isn't there a hundred episodes? Me: Ah...I see the problem now]

But GOD the potential, I mean sure the Superior Spiderman ep 1 maybe I'm not giving it a chance and should skip a few and try again [I probably won't those noses? ugly I can't just it looks like a toenail]

Like no I can't believe I live in a world where TOENAIL face is called superior over...

This face at least it looks like they HAVE a nose! jeez

Anyway moving on, I admit it got to the point where spiderman only started feeling like spider-man in the last two episodes when his quips were actually funny and I thought. Yeah I'll end it at Season one. Given that they brought in black cat, dropped. Miles Morales spiderman? Dropped until convinient, Gwen Stacy turned her into a bug. Sandman "I did this for my daughter angst." Her daughter : I'm a sand person too! No thanks to you, deadbeat dad! Le gasp plot twist Daughter KILLS sandman! Oh my god did they just do that holy cow and THEN The sysbiote jumps in holy shit-

Daughter/sandman episode gets dropped. Symbiote episode: Spider-Man: The symbiote is awesome strong powerful amazing! People: No spider-man its making you evil. Spider-man: Your right! I need help getting it off!

And this happens twice, like again could've pushed it a lot harder, it's like introducing a cool concept and then just tripping on their feet at the finish line. Like c'mon. And Otto octavious voice felt so cartoonishly evil it was hard to take seriously since it sounded like robin from teen titans go. [I know it's the same voice actor I'm just saying I hate western cartoons currently coz I'm like wow I grew up with darker and harder villians like SLADE from teen titans meanwhile current villains are as scary as kittens its physically painful]

Anyway, say what you will about MSM but I actually loved how Norman Osborn was almost using cancel culture to claim that Spider-man was part of a spider army and things would happen like the jackal confirming it and if Norman actually manipulated events to make public opinion and his own son hate Spider-man and have it spiralling out of control?

I thought that was cool, and actually intersting of Norman instead of being goblin first, or a two bit villain used image/lack of context and painted him in a bad light. I just thought it was cool and wished more versions did that.

__________________________________________________________

And the other things, love this episode with iron man [shut up I like the potential kay!]

This scene was cute like iron man is dealing with a threat is so used to lethal/suspicious/more dangerous foes. So seeing this nerdy fanboy just happy to see him? And then scans him to realise he's a kid? How he was first attacking then became impressed then even figured out his obvious identity [Peter can't lie for shit] and had some obvious interest that even Black Widow mentioned it? How they had a team up, and stark almost died because of his arc reactor - like ugh the angst and I wish there was more. Just more episodes like this...

But then the symbiote scene wish again, cool since it was anti-tech but then the whole song and dance AGAIN of, symbiote good no you're right get it off!

Like idk I think they could've yknow what forget it. I'm a 90's kid who is so used to DARKER stuff that when this series just shaves the tip of the iceberg I'm like OOHHH the potential!

Such a shame...anyway thats what fanfictions are for.

[swooningshadow]

scream, v/h/s, and the conjuring ?

Scream: Choose one: Phone sex, video call, or sexting?

why must we fight. why can't we all kiss with tongue. honest answer, phone sex is underrated. visuals are nice and sexting allows you to really fantasize, but phone sex gives me what I'm really after... their voice and what my words can make it do. awwwoof

V/H/S: If you watch porn, what type is your favorite?

I do watch porn from time to time! cop out answer, my favorite is listening to audio clips and looking at pics and videos I've made subs send me during scenes... nothing gets me in the mood quite like hearing just how intense I made a sub whimper or beg fuckk

but if I'm browsing the world wide web, my porn preference is a firm split between queer furry tranny sex workers and just lotsa furry porn outright. a little fanfic when I'm feeling nostalgic

The Conjuring: What’s the best position to be spanked/spank someone? Paddle, whip, or hand?

oooh, best position to spank? they all have their uses, and frankly I haven't done every position yet... think I'd really love if I had a sub suspended and standing, or tied to a st andrews cross? could grab a chair and have it so I was at the perfect height for some really intense impact play. without that experience, face down flat on the bed restrained is a classic for a reason

also fuck I wish I had a paddle! I need to try thuddy pain out, I want to feel each strike run throughout their bonesss. paddle for sure but my crop can still pack a mean little bite~

[readingforsanity]

The Housemaid | Freida McFadden | Published 2022 | *SPOILERS*

“Welcome to the family,” Nina Winchester says as I shake her elegant, manicured hand. I smile politely, gazing around the marble  hallway. Working here is my last chance to start fresh. I can pretend to be whoever I like. But I’ll soon learn that the Winchesters’ secrets are far more dangerous than my own...

Every day I clean the Winchesters’ beautiful house top to bottom. I collect their daughter from school. And I cook a delicious meal for the whole family before heading up to eat alone in my tiny room on the top floor. 

I try to ignore how Nina makes a mess just to watch me clean it up. How she tells strange lies about her own daughter. And how her husband Andrew seems more broken every day. But as I look into Andrew’s handsome eyes, so full of pain, it’s hard not to imagine what it would be like to live Nina’s life. The walk-in closet, the fancy car, the perfect husband. 

I only try on one of Nina’s pristine white dresses once. Just to see what it’s like. But she soon finds out...and by the time I realize my attic bedroom door only locks from the outside, it’s far too late. 

But I reassure myself: the Winchesters don’t know who I really am. 

They don’t know what I’m capable of...

An unbealiably twist read that will have you glued to the pages late into the night. Anyone who loves The Woman in the Window, The Wife Between Us and the Girl on the Train won’t be able to put this down! 

Millie Calloway is a recently released felon who is searching for a job. She’s on parole, and wants to keep her path on the straight and narrow. At the job she held, she was fired and told to leave so the cops wouldn’t be contacted and shortly thereafter, she was evicted from her apartment and has since been living out of her car. 

Somehow, she scores an interview for a housemaid position with an affluent couple, Nina and Andrew Winchester, taking care of things around the house and assisting in taking care of their daughter, Cecilia. During the interview, Nina appears to be excited about hiring Millie, and while Millie has doctored her resume a bit, Nina offers her the job a week later and the next morning, Millie arrives to her new life. 

Millie is shown around the Winchester home and shown to her room, which is a small attic room at the top of the house. Millie is less than thrilled about the accommodations, but considering where she had been, she doesn’t feel the need to complain. However, Nina’s demeanor quickly changes during her first day of work. Nina was a happy woman, seemingly trying to befriend Millie. But, now she comes off as crazy and neurotic. Her moods change quickly, and she is often cruel and mean to Millie. 

Andrew, Nina’s husband, takes to Millie right away and they form a bond. He keeps saying off-the-wall things about Nina, such as she went through a difficult time and even confesses that Cecilia isn’t his biological child but that he has been the only father she’s ever known. Nina’s innocent crush quickly skyrockets out of control. However, she knows not to take that jump with Andrew. 

Nina constantly berates Millie, and Millie gets closer and closer to losing her cool with her but luckily, she never does. After a visit to a fertiltiy specialist, where Nina hopes to become pregnant soon, Nina’s demeanor becomes quickly unbearable after she and Andrew are told that Nina won’t be able to bear children due to her age. Andrew, who has felt like his marriage was failing anyway, quickly becomes less and less involved with his wife. 

Millie feels badly for them both, as she knew they both wanted a baby. But, after hearing why Nina has anti-psychotic drugs in her medicine cabinet, which she found while snooping, she feels it may be for the best. Several years ago, according to a woman at the ballet studio where Ceceilia takes lessons, Nina drugged herself and Cece, and attemtped to drown her in the tub. Millie is shocked at this revelation. 

After discovering their fertility issues, Andrew suggests taking Nina to a broadway show, and Millie buys the tickets and books a stay at a hotel in the city. Nina tells her the date, but when the date comes, she berates Millie for booking the wrong date, even though Millie is sure she did the right one. When Nina leaves to take Cece to summer camp out of state, where she will be away overnight, Andrew suggests that the two of them go to the show. Millie, who has never been, is thrilled and excited. After dinner, and several bottles of wine later, they both decide to stay at the Plaza instead of returning home to New Jersey. The two of them end up sleeping together. 

Life returns to normal, but Nina makes it clear that she knows of hers and Andrew’s discretion. A few days (weeks, maybe) after, Andrew kicks Nina out of the house and declares that he’s no longer in love with her. 

It is here that we come to the second part of the novel, told in Nina’s perspective. She had been working at the company Andrew works for, though not directly under his supervision. They enjoy lunch together, and eventually, their love blossomed. They are quickly married and Nina and Cece are moved into his home. However, we quickly come to learn that Nina was never the problem she has protrayed herself to be...it has been Andrew all along. 

With the help of Enzo, Nina comes up with a plan to get out from under her husband. For years, any time she did something that he did not like, he would lock her inside the attic bedroom upstairs and make her undergo torturous punishments, such as pepper-spraying herself and withholding food and water. It was after the first time in the attic room that he began portraying Nina as crazy, and even went as far as drugging them both and attempting to kill Cece to make it look like Nina was the psychotic one. 

For years, Nina underwent these things in order to protect her daughter. However, as mentioned, Nina comes up with a plan with Enzo, their landscaper. Directly from Italy, he agrees to help Nina as his own sister went through an abusive relationship that ended up with her life being taken and he wasn’t able to do what he wanted to protect her, so he’s choosing to help Nina as a way to make up for his own indiscretions. 

When Andrew gets wind of her attempt to escape, Nina realizes she will never be able to cleanly leave, therefore decides to find her replacement, and why she has hired Millie. But she did a background check on Millie, and knows that she was in jail for murder...not a drug offense like she had initially presumed. Millie had murdered a boy in her school at the age of 16 for attempting to rape her friend. She was charged with a lesser misdeamnor charge, and sent to prison, where she had been for the last decade. She knows that Millie has a way, and Nina hopes that she will kill Andrew for him. 

After Nina has departed, Andrew and Millie seemingly begin a relationship. When he returns home from work one day, he finds Millie in her room upstairs packing up her things to bring down into the main house. The next morning, when Millie wakes up and attempts to leave the room, she realizes that Andrew is nowhere to be found and the door to the attic is locked. 

And so begins Andrew’s torture of Millie, simply because she had left books on the coffee table and didn’t return them. She does as she is told, by holding three large textbooks and phone books on her stomach for three hours straight. When Andrew comes to unlock the door and let her out, he explains that this is what happens when she misbehaves (i.e. when she does something he doesn’t like). But, during her time in the attic, Millie has come up with a plan: she found the pepper-spray that Nina was forced to use on herself in the blue bucket in the closet, and attacks him. She then locks Andrew in the closet. 

For days, Millie begins torturing Andrew the same way. She makes him spend 8 hours with the heavy text books placed over his genitals, keeps water from him, and even makes him pull out his own teeth in order to get out. Nina eventually returns at the urging of Enzo in order to help Nina, as he feels guilty that Nina has left Millie to deal with what she had to deal with. But when Nina returns, she finds Andrew inside the locked attic, where he is now dead and emaciated. Millie confronts her, and Nina tells her to get away, to do what she can to keep herself far from this. 

When the police are called, Nina explains that Andrew must have locked himself in the attic on accident, without his phone. The police officer in charge of the case agrees that this is exactly what happened, as his daughter had been previously engaged to Andrew. Kathleen has since moved away and changed her name, and her father never knew what happened between the two of them. 

At the funeral, Nina plays the role of the grieving wife, though she is unable to shed tears for the terrible man that her husband was. However, when his parents attend the funeral, Nina becomes painfully aware that Evelyn Winchester knows details about his missing teeth and assumes that she knows what really happened. But she tells Nina that whenever Andrew didn’t take care of his teeth, she would punish him for it, even going so far as to take a pair of his baby teeth with pliers. 

Eventually, a year after the events, Millie finds another family looking for a housemaid, and is told that Nina Winchester has recommended her highly. Millie sees that the woman she is interviewing with has suspicious bruising on her arms, and realizes why Nina has recommended her. 

Discussion Questions 

1. Before she takes the job and at the very beginning of her emploment with the Winchesters, there are several warning signs that Millie does notice, but chooses to look past. Why doesn’t Millie get out of this situation? Millie had just spent the last decade in prison. Who wouldn’t want the freedom that she was experiencing. She’d either go back to jail OR go back to living out of her car, and she didn’t want that. She ignored Nina’s cruelty and behavior because she didn’t want to return to her old life. 

2. Do you read many thrillers? If not, does this novel make you want to read more? If so, how does this novel compare to other thrillers you’ve read? I read thrillers pretty exclusively. I love the mystery and the attempt to try to solve it before the end. This particular book had me turning the pages quickly, and I didn’t want to put it down. While I enjoy thrillers, this doesn’t happen all the time with books. 

3. Did you see the midpoint plot twist - revealed when the point of view shifted to Nina - coming? If so, what clues did you notice in part 1 of the novel that alerted you to the possible twist? I had an inkling when Enzo kept making hints. It was hard to believe a man of his large stature would be afraid of a woman three times smaller than him. But, it still sort of threw me. During Nina’s point of view, I felt so badly for her. 

4. What about the ending reveal of Andrew’s mother’s abuse of her son - did you anticipate that plot development? How, if at all, did it change your perception of Andrew? It didn’t change my perception of him, but it does explain his behavior. No excuse or reason could ever make me feel badly for Andrew. But, the development that he endured the same kind of torture he was now inflicting on the people he supposedly loved, it makes sense. He was only doing what he was taught to do by a person who was supposed to love him. It explained his behavior, but didn’t excuse it. 

5. While Nina was, intentionally as it turns out, terrible to Millie, do you think this justifies Millie starting an affair with Andrew? Why or why not? No. At first I was like, go Millie! Take that terrible woman’s man. But, there is no excuse for cheating at all. 

6. Nina was certainly in a desperate situation, but do you think she was justified in recruiting Millie and setting her up like she did? How did the midpoint twist change your perception of Nina? It bothered me that she was essentially grooming another woman to take her place. There is no excuse for that. But, I do understand what she was attempting to do. She saw no other way out - it was either that or she may have ended up dead herself. 

7. Nina could have let Millie take the fall for Andrew’s death but she chse to cover for her, after much prompting from Enzo to check in. Did this further change your view of Nina? Is Nina ultimately a good or bad person? I think Nina is both - she was trying to protect her daughter like any good mother would, but she was also letting another woman go through torture in order to do it. That’s not how the world works despite Nina thinking so. If it weren’t for Enzo, he knew what would have happened to Millie, though I don’t think Millie would have had any long-term issues considering her past. 

8. Nina thought she’d go to jail, but she lucked out that Detective Connors, who investigated Andrew’s death, was the father of Andrew’s former fiance Kathleen and chose to help cover up the crime. Did you like this coincidence or did it seem too convenient or contrived for you? Didn’t even see that twist coming. We never even knew Kathleen’s last name until that point, so when he made that confession, I was shocked. I enjoyed this, as it’s clear that Kathleen went through something horrible while being with Andrew herself. He’s just another parent attempting to protect his child. 

9. If the police and coroner hadn’t helped cover up the murder and Millie and Nina had gone to trial for Andrew’s death, would you -if you were a member of the jury - have acquitted or convicted them? I would have acquitted them. It was self-defense, through and through. 

10. Millie has a strong sense of justice and what’s right and wrong. But she is also extremely violent. Did you like her character? Why or why not? I loved Millie. She knows what she did was wrong, but she was trying to protect her friend. She thought she was doing the right thing, and ultimately, paid her dues to society by spending several years in prison. 

11. Andrew was undeniably a terrible person, but he also died a particularly gruesome death. Do you think he deserved what he got? Definitely deserved it. I can’t even describe the way I feel about his character, but he deserved it 100%. 

12. We got to hear from Millie and Nina’s points of view. Would you have wanted to hear from Andrew’s point of view? Why or why not? No. Seeing it through their eyes was enough. I didn’t need to sick and twisted perspective from him. 

13. Millie frequently protests that the bad things that hapened to her, that is, the violence she inflicts on others, that then creates negative consequences for her, aren’t her fault. Do you think Millie was just often in the wrong place at the wrong time, or do you think she has a psychological disorder? I wouldn’t say she has a psychological disorder, nor do I think she was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Blaming others for what she did isn’t the right way to go about it, but she may also lack the skills in order to come to terms with what she did. She spent a decade in prison, and was likely having to protect herself while inside from the other female inmates, so she was only projecting that in the outside world. 

14. The character of Enzo is a bit of a cypher in the first part of the novel, but turns out to be deeply involved in Nina’s scheme to escape Andrew’s clutches. What did you think of Enzo’s character? Enzo’s character made me laugh. At first I thought he and Millie would get together, but it’s clear he stuck around the house as much as he did because of Nina. But Enzo deeply cares. He is trying to protect the woman from the terribleness that was Andrew Winchester, he was trying to do what he couldn’t do for his sister. 

15. The epilogue implies that Nina sends another abused wife to Millie, presumably for Millie to punish her husband. Millie says, “I understand why Nina recommended me so highly to this woman. She knows me. Maybe even better than I know myself.” Do you think that’s true? Do you think it’s fair to Millie for Nina to put her in another situation with domestic violence? I think it’s a bit of a stretch that Nina would send Millie for this simple reason. However, it does make sense. Nina hired her to murder her husband, so it makes sense that she’d send Millie to someone else who needed help. 

16. Mafadden has written a sequel featuring Millie working for a different family. Will you be reading it? Why or why not? It is next on my list! But of course. If there is a sequel to a book, and I’m aware of it, I won’t even buy the first book without picking up the second copy with it, or borrowing it from the library. I need to know how things end. Honestly, McFadden could make an entire series of Housemaid books, and I’d read them all. And I sort of hope that they turn it into a movie or TV series. I’d definitely take the time to watch it!