#this past year or so have really like. ive appreciated it more and tbh both shows shaped my whole

[thedogsleg]

Fry and Leela litrally the original t4t....

[hanasnx]

heyyy do you have any advice on how to write smut cause its sooo difficult for me *cries in virgin*

ur like one of my fav smutty writers and idk if you have any tips 😭

first off thank u very much i appreciate that :)

this isnt the first time ive been asked for writing tips so im gonna give a lot of info. youre bound to find something useful in this mess

im so sorry but one of my solutions to giving myself confidence in smut-writing was to literally fuck and fuck a lot

after losing my virginity it still wasnt enough experience tbh. so i gave myself room to explore my sexuality and was privileged enough to do it with a partner that encouraged that growth. that experience of fucking sure didnt hinder my smut-writing ability if you know what i mean ;0 but everything else about writing i learned from years of practice. ive been writing since i was in elementary school like id come home from fourth grade and read and write on quotev klsdjfsfj smut writing skills came later post puberty

when i tried writing smut as a virgin i genuinely couldn’t get past the build up. i was fantastic at writing the build up, it was the actual sex part that was hard bcos even tho i had done enough research (i read a lot of porn) it didn’t instill me with enough confidence that i could write it correctly, and so i never did. however! i sure wish i’d committed to it more, so let me see if i can write out some tips that would’ve helped me in the past

(this is just how i write smut, im by no means an expert)

my timeline

the way i write smut is pretty formulaic so i’ll break it down:

hook line ⟹ settings ⟹ build-up ⟹ foreplay ⟹ sex ⟹ ending

☥ hook line. maybe: a dialogue piece to kickstart; an ambiguous line that reels you in; an exciting action. i dont like starting my story with the name/pronouns of a character doing something boring. i.e. “you were getting ready for the day…” idk it’s not the worst thing in the world and we've all done it but just writing out what i try to avoid.

☥ build up is key to me. i have such a hard time reading and writing porn with no plot. i’ll do it sometimes if i like the writer enough, but i rarely write smut without the build up bcos i feel like that’s where the juice is. its whats fun and what you get to play around with bcos the actual sex part of the fic is pretty predictable.

focus on what’s said and unsaid in dialogue between characters. focus on the emotion each of them are feeling and how that emotion manifests into body language.

⟹ dirty talk is not for everyone, but god i love it. literally get nasty with it, this is your writing and we’re all just readin it. build anticipation using dirty talk, make filthy promises, make threats. make your characters talk about the nasty shit they wanna do to each other.

imagine someone you really wanna fuck, imagine the things youd do to them if you had the chance,,, write it into your characters.

☥ foreplay. goes hand in hand with dirty talk, its where the touching starts. decide how you want to play it. who gets oral, who gets fingered. both? one of them? neither and they just go straight to fucking?? i like foreplay, but if youre writing a “quickie” scenario then it may not be in the cards.

lets say it is in the cards tho. so some things to remember:

⟹ foreplay gets the dicks hard. when dicks get hard they leak pre-cum. balls have like no cushion and theyre soft and have little sacks in em that move around. the skin of this genital is often described as velvety bcos its soft. ive honestly never had sex with an uncircumcised penis so i have no idea if there’s a difference between how they feel.

foreplay makes the pussies loose and wet. the inside can be lumpy. it can be ridged or smooth. it can be all kinds of flesh colors like brown and pink.

without the foreplay (which can be verbal communication, or touching of the body or genitals) its a little painful for afabs bcos theyre too tight or too dry. and a flaccid dick is a little unpredictable to try to fit in.

⟹ afabs can have multiple orgasms, amabs are less lucky. afabs can cum and squirt multiple times, amabs can cum multiple times.

⟹ genitals get really sensitive after cumming though. so if you write someone finishing, write out how they might need some time before they finish again or start fucking, or that they get overstimulated getting touched still after they came and that sensitivity is a little uncomfortable.

⟹ the head of the penis is the most sensitive and that’s what makes it cum/orgasm. clits on pussies are the most sensitive and its what makes cum/orgasms happen. its very difficult if not impossible to achieve orgasm (if youve got a pussy) through penetration alone without clit stimulation

⟹ you can cum/squirt and not have an orgasm

☥ sex

⟹ changing positions can change angles and hit new pleasurable spots inside pussies.

⟹ probably write a couple different positions during the sex part, just to keep things fresh.

⟹ sprinkle in dirty talk to prolong the sex scene and to avoid sounding repetitive because if youre writing p in v it’s pretty standard to thrust over and over again until youre done. its a lot less glamorous when you spell it out like that, so you gotta add shit to make the sex scene more enjoyable to the reader whos not actively experience the sex.

☥ ending. i usually end the one shot after the fucking is done.

the smut tips

☥ think back to a time you were really turned on. from a show, from a book, something someone said to you, your own sex life, porn you really liked,,, take inspiration from it. use it and channel that own arousal within you.

if youve got a dirty fantasy and it gets you so hot and bothered thinking about it, write that.

if youve got a partner that fucks you crazy good and supplies you with inspo for dialogue or for settings or for scenarios, write that too. theres been a whole bunch on my blog that was inspired by my boyfriend. not everything, but enough to mention it.

also! another thing that people underestimate is the inspiration you take from other blogs. like mine for example, if you like my stuff take inspo from it. study my writing style and you’ll see all kinds of little tips in subtext id never be able to list for you. i do that with other blogs, i dont copy them but i definitely learn little things i like from them and incorporate it into my writing for a more cohesive story. if i take an idea though i ask for their permission & credit them.

☥ the most important tip i can give you is be as self indulgent as possible. youre wasting time worrying about other people. “will they like this? will people think im weird? what if they think im weird for writing this?” fuck that noise. warn accordingly, and go ham. your self indulgence is your best friend. it’ll guide you through all those dirty things you want to say or do to someone, let it take root and write what excites you. chances are you will find your people, and your fic will be set apart bcos it’s so specific to you that people will be drawn to that. and if theyre not? it ends up not being popular? it doesnt matter! because you had fun writing it right? fuck yea u did

☥ the types of words you use are so important. words that invoke a certain emotion or sexy feeling. its difficult to explain but i try my hardest to use “beautiful language” paired with dirty, disgusting, cacophonous language. marry them together so you can convey whether youre “love-making” or “fucking”. i dont like words that dont look or sound good in my head. like when you paint, you probably use colors you like looking at to create the entire picture on the canvas that’s beautiful. so pick out paints that are pleasing to the eyes. the bold ones and the soft ones.

examples of words i dont use cos i hate the way they sound and the way they look: “vagina” and “penis” LMAO

even “butt” isnt a word i like to use. i’ll almost always use “ass” or “backside”

⟹ the smut writer’s dictionary

☥ i keep comedy out of it for the most part, ive never really seem humor added positively into a smut that added to the experience. its usually physical humor stuff like the characters bumping heads or stubbing their toe or something its just cringy to me idk. if i add comedy (i am not good at writing comedy)i put it before the smut. and if you must have some sort of lightheartedness id keep it casual, light, and personal. like an inside joke or something tongue in cheek. you dont have to hide your deepest desires behind humor , you can be serious

☥ your pain tolerance is heightened so run with that. get spanked its fun

more important tips i love and stand by:

☥ call backs are important to me. it’s like if you have something in the future of your fic to be used, try to incorporate it in some small way in your establishing settings or build up. but it’s not as important to others as it is to me. an example would be in my one shot “talk huttese to me”, at the end anakin fucks reader on the tool table. at the very beginning of the fic, when i had reader taking in the surroundings of the “garage bay”, she scanned the drawer stack where she set his broth she brought him, and the tool table he’d later fuck her on. its kinda like,,, foreshadowing (i think?). you’re setting up your reader to be like “?? i wonder why the author thought it would be important to mention the tool table.. wonder if anakin fucks her on it later.” but even if your readers dont react that way, i still think it ties things together nicely

☥ try to write 15-20 mins uninterrupted. create a ritual. i use the bathroom, refill my water, grab a fun drink like sweet tea, put on a silent youtube video (like my ahsoka star wars lofi live i love so much), listen to a playlist of music (preferably music you havent heard before so it can fade into the background. maybe even cultivate a playlist for the vibe youre going for in your story, aids greatly in creating an atmosphere in your writing if youre translating the music in your ears), and turn your phones notifications off (ofc i leave on notifs for calls in case of emergencies, but i can answer my friends’ texts after my writing session). set a timer so you dont have to keep checking the time.

☥ don’t stop in the middle of your storytelling to check the thesaurus or dictionary. write out whatever word/phrase first came to mind and highlight it to come back to later to alter or replace it completely. you’re interrupted your creative flow and its difficult to come back to it when youre checking the thesaurus every five seconds. this hack was crucial to my ability to stay on task i promise you

☥ avoid sounding repetitive by using the same words close together. you’ll create a fuller story by adding to your vocabulary using the thesaurus.

☥ avoid listing actions, break them up with adverbs at the start of your sentences if you must, or description of things or the place your character is in, or explain the emotion your character is feeling or what that emotion is causing within your character. starting sentences over and over again with the character’s name or pronoun breaks up the flow for the reader.

☥ really try to finish your works in progress even if you think its bad, the challenge of it will help you practice and learn to overcome your own mind trying to hold you back

☥ if you dont like the direction your fic is going,,, and youre experiencing writer’s block:: cross out the most recent bit and take it in a new direction. “oh but indy!! i really have a certain goal in mind!!” great, find another way to get to it because youre blocking yourself from finishing this forcing yourself into a non entertaining corner. switch it up! challenge yourself. “but indy!! i really liked what i had for this scene!!” yea but youre blocked right? youre not writing anything else for this scene and you cant, right? if you like what you have for this scene (an action, a dialogue piece youre proud of, a plot twist) save it! use it for a different piece !

hope this helps you and others!

[cupoftaae]

Forever And A Day (KTH x READER) series ♡ please hold my hand (chapter 11)

Summary: your lifelong friend is forced to face his true feelings for you once he breaks the number one rule of becoming friends with benefits: dont fall in love. He knows he loves you, but you on the other hand need more convincing of the most important thing: the right decision.

Genre: fwb. Roommates, friends to idiots to lovers, fluff, angst, smut, the whole 9 yards tbh.

Pairing: taehyung x female!reader

rating: 18+ (minors dni!!!)

word count- 6k

chapter warnings- swearing, fighting, so much fucking angst omg, anxiety, panic attack, mentions of pregnancy, mentions of body issues, mentions of abortion.

author note- Hey guys, apologies on the delayed posting, life has yet to calm down for me and im writing in my free time to try and distract me, (free time which is very limited) I wrapped up my semester and now im getting a job, recently someone close to me passed and on top of that im dealing with family fights and shit, so ive been trying to not rip my hair out. I love all of you guys so much and appreciate you for reading my stories, i know im a smaller author on here just writing silly bts fics and stuff but I find comfort in having a small community on here that I can run to when I need to just get away from everyone irl. Sorry for the blabbling but yes- bottom line is I just appreciate you all so much <3 feel free to ever message me anytime if you need someone to talk to, im here always.

enjoy the chapter!

Taehyung knew you were off

something wasnt right and he knew it, but he also knew to give you time to come to him on your own.

The next morning he sat with you in the bathroom, it was pretty early and birds could be heard outside chirping as the sun rose.

"so....whats going on?" he asked

You woke up first, trying (Failing) to come up with some way to explain that you are pregnant, he heard you pacing the room and stress organizing random shit, so he awoke too.

"nothing"

He frowned, "but last night you told me you wanted to talk" he gently reached out and pulled you closer to him, your eyes glued to the floor.

"oh that..i um...."

its now or never.

Do it.

tell him.

Tell him you are pregnant, we're gonna have a ba-

"i was wondering when I could have my phone back" you blurbed out

His eyes sank to yours, "Y/N...." he sighed, "when we get back to Busan"

"but i just want to check stuff...really quickly" you looked at him, eyes wide

"i dont think thats a good idea"

"why not?"

"because of everything that is going on...you dont need to get hurt by Kaito and his stupid ass friends anymore than you already have"

"but-"

"no" he shushed, "those rumors are only rumors and will die down soon, fuck that school....just enjoy the rest of the week with me" he softly whispered, pressing the lightest kiss to your lips as you frowned.

sure, it was an excuse to cover up the actual problem at hand, but you really did want your phone back, your mind had been so caught up with baby kim that you completely forgot about the shit storm you had to walk into the moment your flight landed back in Busan.

You refused to look at him as he rubbed your back, "cmon, lets shower"

you both ended up underneath the warm water, cuddling up as your face leaned into his chest, silently.

His hands softly roamed to hold your hips, squishing your skin slightly.

"hey!"

He softly giggled, "m'sorry baby"

"no" you scoffed and tried to move his hands off your waist. "I know I gained weight dont make me feel like shit"

He immediately frowned, "honey i wasnt trying to make you upset, you look beautiful, I think you actually look even prettier, you were losing so much weight this past year with stress and school....you look healthier"

"healthy is code for fat, no?"

Taehyung shook his head, "no baby, i mean it, you are so beautiful"

you turned around to face the shower head as he ran his fingers through your wet hair.

"why are you so moody?" he whispered softly, kissing your shoulder

"im not!"

He hummed, "kinda..."

"just stop" you sighed, wringing your hair out and pushing the curtain aside to get out, drying and wrapping your body with a towel as Taehyung watched, concerned.

You wanted to tell him so bad, but every time the possibility of even mentioning the situation tried to come up, you froze.

You still couldn't fathom it yourself....you were so young...and about to have a kid that you didnt plan for.

You hated it. You hated every ounce of it, because now you were growing attached to the small little thing, it didnt even have a formed body yet and it was already starting to make you feel protective and soft.

You found yourself resting your hand on your abdomen every now and then, not even realizing it. You also saw yourself whispering to it as you ranted when you were alone.

You didnt hate the baby, its not like they asked to be there, it was yours and taehyungs fault, and it was a symbol of the love between you both.

What you hated however- was the fact you knew you didnt have what it takes to be a mother, and the baby would end up resenting you and never speaking to you after 18 years.

You were guilty and sad and struggling, and all you wanted to do was be held and loved and told that it was gonna realistically be okay.

And you knew the only way you could get that is if you told someone.

The rest of the week went by okay,

Your mother had taken tae and you up to her friends farm where you both had worked and helped him plant flowers, you also discovered that this "friend" of hers was anything but.

"hey they look kinda cute" taehyung giggled, filling the soil with his potted flowers

you crossed your arms, "no they dont, shes literally seeing someone and didnt even tell me!! her daughter!!! can you imagine??"

Taehyung smiled, "well...its not like you and i arent keeping anything from her right" he smirked

"if we told her we were 'dating' I doubt she would be shocked, this is different"

"how so?"

"Shes just...." you sighed and watched the front porch of his farm, where your mom and him sat on the swing "thats not my dad"

"dont you want her to be happy, y/n?"

"this isnt about that....what if he breaks her heart like dad did? what if he just fucking leaves when things get difficult?"

Taehyung looked at you softly, knowing this was more than you being upset at your mom finding a romantic interest and not telling you.

"its okay" he whispered, pulling your attention back to the flowers.

Your mind was racing, and suddenly you got hit with a thought that knocked the wind out of you.

What if taehyung left?

the men in your life dont have a good track record here, and what if him being happy over the baby isnt true, what if he is mad and leaves....its so easy for him to just leave.

As the trip ended, you began to distance yourself slightly, as if you were already trying to prepare for when he does go.

The morning of your flight, the thought of getting on another plane ride nauseated you

"we gotta get you anti-motion sickness pills" taehyung smiled, handing you your coffee order from the airport starbucks. "you arent even on the plane yet and you seem pale."

Coffee, not good for the baby. You read that on a forum last night.

You nod, looking off into the distance as he tries to hold your hand to walk to the end of the terminal, you slowly step away

"you ok?" he whispers, looking at you

"y-yeah...just clammy...dont wanna hold hands"

He nodded in understanding.

You wanted to hold him, climb on his back as he walked even, but you needed to distance yourself, in case it ended up being just you and baby.....just as was with your mom and you.

As you found your way to your seats, you tried to just sleep away all your thoughts, but it proved more difficult than you hoped.

Taehyung slept peacefully as you bounced your knee and picked at your nails. The poor woman sitting in front of both of you struggled to keep her own children in their seats while she fed her newborn, who was beginning to wail.

Damn....you were overwhelmed just watching

Taehyung woke up and darted his eyes to the kids in front of him, one boy peeking around to both of you and sticking out his tongue.

He softly giggled and waved, whispering "hello" as he shot you a knowing look.

They made a small interaction with eachother, doing silly faces back and forth until the younger child got tired and crawled over to his mothers lap once more. To say it wasnt cute was a lie.

Maybe he would be okay, perhaps you were overthinking it all

He would be excited, right?

You weakly smiled and took a sip of water, stomach churning.

Taehyung lifted the arm-rest so he could move closer, his arm pulling you to him as he kissed your head- you were trapped.

"Want some mint gum?" he whispered, reaching into his little bag

"no im okay"

"princess it might help the nausea?"

you sighed and leaned away, "im fine just stop"

he frowned and looked back at the small tv in front of him, his own mind stressing over if he did or said something wrong to you. Youve been super moody towards him since the trip and it was a tad bit concerning.

You felt awful, but you were overstimulated with so much shit that you couldnt put on a lovey dovey act right now.

Taehyung put his headphones on and unwrapped the piece of gum, placing it into his own mouth as his head rested against the seat, defeated.

this is wrong

this is so fucking wrong, and you know it. He has been there for you time and time again, and you just push him away when you know he would be more than accepting of the situation that very much involves the two of you.

Rip the fucking bandaid off.

Later that night, you two finally arrived home to your apartment after getting out of your uber.

"let me take these to the elevator" tae smiled, taking your luggage and throwing it over his shoulder.

"thanks" you whispered, rubbing your eyes in exhaustion.

You leaned against him after pressing the button of your floor and getting your key out.

"sleepy?" he mumbled

"yeah..."

the doors open and both of you walk down the hall, passing doors of other apartments.

It was peaceful, being home.

You had fun with your mother and spending your birthday at your childhood home, but nothing will beat the comfort of this apartment.

You watched the back of taehyungs head as he walked in front of you, holding two suitcases while making sure his fish baby was okay as well, it was adorable.

Your eyes were fixated on him as you approached the end of the hall

You placed the key into the door and practically watched him drop everything to the floor, (besides the tiny fish tank)

"we can unpack tomorrow right?" he sighed, tiredly

you nod and begin to walk into your bedroom, where taehyung follows.

after getting comfy and clean, the two of you settled into bed in the dark room.

Taehyungs arm draped over your waist, keeping your back flush against his chest.

You sighed, closing your eyes as peacefully as you could as his lips found their way to your shoulder and neck

"tae-"

"i missed you" he whispered, a hint of humor in his voice

your eyes stayed glued to the wall

"dont get me wrong, I love your mom, but she is the number one cock blocker-"

"im tired and want to sleep." you speak, voice stern now.

he pulled away as if you burned him, "...sorry" his head fell against the pillow as he rolled to lay on his back.

It was quiet for a moment, "did i do something wrong?" he whispered

you took a second to reply, "what?"

"this entire week, things have been....weird....with us. Did i upset you, princess?"

Taehyungs voice was low and shaky, as if he was afraid of breaking you. Sure, the week was bad in the aspects of Kaito and his bullshit, but there was no reason to take it out on taehyung.

"are you saying this because I dont want to have sex right now?" you sat up, looking at him with disgust.

He quickly threw his hands up in defense, "baby- no!! Thats not it at all, its nothing to do with anything like that"

You audibly sighed, running your hands over you face as you listened to him speak

He continued, "you just seem....off...and i want to make sure that you are ok"

to make sure....that you are ok.

The man who has little to worry about in this life, and situation wants everything to be okay.

You threw the covers off your body, rising to your feet as you walked towards the bathroom, suddenly it was too much again.

Too much to juggle, too much for one single woman to deal with at once, it wasnt fucking fair that you were here right now.

You blamed yourself because you both were careless, and now you blame yourself because you have authority, and responsibility for this child. Yes- he may want it, but your mind races back to the fact of how he struggles to even look after himself. He might get overwhelmed and give up, your life may fall apart, and hes rambling about YOU being OKAY?

"where are you going?" he got up quickly, following after you

You pivoted on your heel, blocking him from entering the bathroom with you, "i just want to be alone right now taehyung, Please"

He scoffed, "you cant act like this, get me all worried, then run away and hide, thats not fair!"

Your eyes widened, "not fair? why is how I act not fair to you? why do you assume every action, every emotion, every breath is about YOU??"

He stood back a little, not prepared for how you suddenly turned from cold shoulder to just plain angry.

"y-you have no idea!" you gripped your hair as you got a glance of yourself in the mirror, and as quick as it was, tears began to form at the lining of your eyes.

"idea of what, y/n? you are scaring me" taehyung whispered, unsure if he should attempt to comfort you.

You took a few breathes and rubbed your arms to self soothe yourself, "Its late....im tired....youre tired, lets just sleep please"

"sleep? after this?"

you nod, silently shutting the door to the bathroom as he stood in front of it. "you are gonna sleep in the fucking bathroom?"

"who cares if I do?"

He sighed, looking down. He wanted to help and was only met with a door slamming to the face, and you ignoring his pleas to help you with whatever this was.

He tried once more, hand jiggling the door handle, "baby...baby please....."

You sat on the other side, your back pressed against the door and your knees to your chest as tears fell freely now. You felt like an awful person- perhaps you were one.

He whispers, voice cracking, "whats going on? why wont you....why cant I help?"

You wiped your eyes, looking down at your hands as taehyung spoke behind the door. "please just go...."

"no...im not going to leave you when you are in an emotional state like this"

"please." you try once more

"y/n, im not joking around anymore, open the fucking door."

Your heart raced at his sudden fed up tone, you knew he wasnt going to let this rest tonight.

"y/n....open the door"

the two rooms were filled with silent breathing, it felt like forever before you suddenly stood up as he listened to your shuffling.

You blew your nose and looked at yourself in the mirror again, a mess. an absolute mess, how could one fuck up this badly?

suddenly...this is beyond you, especially in this moment.

Its not just your life anymore, and you are being selfish a bit. He has a right to know, its not just a you problem. You sigh, eyes on the mirror. all you could see was someone whos had maybe one of the biggest downfalls of the century....but you also saw a girl who was vulnerable, and wanted to try.

Your hand shakes as it moved to unlock and open the door, you met taehyung who stood there with fear in his eyes, obviously more than just concerned over the bizarre behavior.

"taehyung." you whispered so quietly, that if any other noise was occurring in the house, he wouldnt have heard you.

He stuck his eyes onto yours, not leaving for a second.

"i-im.." you choked, trying to compose yourself.

"youre what, princess?" he whispered, using your same soft and comforting tone

shaking your head, you let out a soft sob, feeling embarrassed but knowing there was no other way around the situation anymore, and the longer you dragged this out, the worse things crumbled

you said it in one, big, relieving exhale. it felt wrong to say aloud, but your chest was no longer tight, breathing was slightly easier.

"i'm pregnant."

Taehyung's air left his lungs, his face contorted into different expressions, mouth moving to form words yet nothing was coming out.

You couldnt look at him anymore, eyes darting to your feet.

"i-im sorry...fuck" you walked past him, moving into the living room as he stayed where he was.

You stood in the center of the room, shocked at what you had just done on some random night, the clock read 2:28am. You wanted something special, and instead you dumped it on him as if you were telling him what you were making for dinner.

he looked around, the words you just said suddenly hitting him, suddenly becoming real.

"youre what?" he whispered to himself, heart beginning to race as he turned around quickly and chased after you.

you had moved to sit near the window, looking at the city in the dark room. His soft footsteps could be heard over your quiet cries.

"dont hate me" you cried, "please dont hate me" you wiped your eyes, unable to turn around to face him. "I already hate myself, I know this isnt what we had planned but god...taehyung," you turned your head softly, eyes blood-shot, "please dont go" you whispered.

He stood behind you, hands clammy.

You tried your best not to have a full blown meltdown, you were already tired enough.

He slowly sank to his knees, a softer expression overtaking his previous one.

"i-if you w-want me to abort it, I dont think I can" you sobbed, "i know school isnt even done yet, we are so young and everyone will hate me, im so sorry taeh-"

He inturrupted you quickly, wrapping you into his arms tightly, tears of his own falling. "no, no no,.." he tucked your face into his neck, softly swaying. "no...no no"

You only cried harder, your hands clutching his shirt with a plea to not leave.

"I-" he sighed, taking a few breathes, "I could never leave you" his hands tightened, "you mean so fucking much to me, and you think I would ever leave, or ask you to abort the baby? something we made, together?"

His eyes were shut, voice trembling with fears of his own, however most of all he was relieved you finally told him.

"i love you so much, god y/n, I love you so much" he rocked a little, hand brushing up and down your back. "you thought I would hate you? baby, no....God no"

"I was so scared" you whisper, unable to pull away

"it's going to be okay, i promise, I know its not the ideal situation, but im not going anywhere, im here for you, okay?"

You sniff, his thumb caressing your cheek softly

"we are going to be good parents, a good supportive family, i'll never leave you"

his hand gently moves down to your stomach, holding the non noticeable baby. suddenly everything made sense.

"we got this, right? we...we can handle anything, because we are a team, and I love you"

"i love you too" you sniff, head pounding.

His eyes scanned yours, "keeping it, is what you want right?"

You nod

"then thats what we will do, and guess what? everything will be fine" he smiled so softly and lovingly, your heart felt constricted. "it'll be difficult, but we are here, together."

"together" your voice is tired and scratchy, a part of you feeling weightless as the fact he now knows sinks in. Its no longer a built up secret you have to hide, he knows.

"and...maybe being parents will be fun?" he giggles quietly, "we can do trips with them, nothing has to change, y/n."

You sigh softly, looking at him, "a lot is going to change, and you need to prepare yourself for that, its not like having a pet, its a real baby with real needs that depends on us for survival..." you look at your clasped hands, "its serious shit"

He nods, frowning a bit

"and I need to start getting a job that pays more than what Ms.Choi is giving me....this is gonna be expensive, I dont know what we are gonna do" your hand covered your face as your breathing picked up again, taehyung watching.

"we will work it out, is what we will do" he spoke softly, he gently removed your hands from your face. "have you seen some of the people who have kids and make it out alive? I think you and I will be just fine...." he speaks "and plus....I think our parents would be more than happy to not only hear about this, but help out too"

You sighed, "fuck I forgot we need to tell our families, Taehyung thats gonna be so embarrassing! my mom-"

"probably already suspected we were closer than 'friends', and how is that embarrassing? our parents have been trying to push us together for quite some time"

"because I dont talk about this shit with people, even my mom, and it makes me .....uhg"

He giggles softly, "shh...its okay, im sure she knows you arent 19 anymore, we are adults"

adults. yeah.

His hands gently held your sides, "my beautiful girl....how long have you known?"

You pushed the hair out of your face, "since Wednesday, I took a test on my birthday"

Taehyung frowned, "and youve been dealing with this alone since then?"

You nod, "remember when I said I needed to get tampons? yeah...I bought a test instead" you slightly smile.

He nodded "hm..im sorry you had to deal with that, Your behavior is forgiven"

"oh about that...im sorry for being a bitch to you, you were just trying to help."

He sighs softly, "y/n, you dont need to apologize, I was just worried about you....im sure within the next 9 months we will deal with a lot of scary emotions, so I better suck it up"

You smile, "i'll try to be good"

"you already are" he kissed the top of your head, helping you both stand to your feet. He looked at your stomach, a smile in knowing what was in there. "baby" he gestured, "thats ours"

You nod, hands resting on his shoulders,

"we will be fine?"

"we will be more than fine...we will be great"

-

The next morning, you had decided on taking a day off to just live in bed.

This was your last day before you returned to classes for the last bit of the semester, so you wanted to take it easy as possible before facing the crazy drama to come.

You laid under the covers, sipping the water taehyung had given you as he placed the duffle suit case onto the end of the bed, taking out the clothes and folding them, putting them into your closet.

"so have you thought about calling your doctor?" he spoke up, watching you eat the breakfast he made you.

You sat up a bit, "yeah, im gonna call her today possibly, ill make an appointment for this weekend."

He smiles shyly, "can I come?"

You couldnt help but giggle, "you are the father, so yes obviously you can"

"well I didnt know what your boundaries are here..."

You tilt your head, "what do you mean?"

"well like.." he folded one of your dresses, "we havent established our "relationship" if you will, and so I wasnt sure what the boundaries were for me-"

You smile, "I mean....taehyung...we are having a child together, I dont think we have to worry about formalities anymore, right?"

He smiles, shrugging as he hung up more of your clothes, something you insisted on doing yourself but the overprotective taehyung was already sprung into action, forcing you to do absolutely nothing.

"well when you say it like that It sounds funny" he giggled

"hmm then do as you want" you mumbled as he climbed onto the bed, sitting next to you and holding your hand. He cleared his throat before speaking "y/n...would you do me the honor of being my girlfriend, officially?"

"that is so middle school" you snort

"yes or no"

"wow, an offer that includes strings attached, thats new"

"hey you were the one who suggested friends with benefits"

"and now we are sitting here pregnant"

Taehyung giggled, "yes or no!!!"

"hmm.....yeah I guess"

you laughed as he flung onto you, kissing all over your face and holding you close, his long legs knocking off some of the laundry piles he made.

"there goes the clothes" you frown

"aish I'll fold them again, dont worry angel" he sat up and stood after giving you a long kiss on the lips, making you blush.

You want to call yourself silly for worrying so much, the taehyung standing in front of you is incomparable to the one you imagined he would be after telling him, you are relieved but know a lot more is still to come.

You knew taehyung loved you, and wanted to care for you as much as possible, but God, little did you know to what extent.

"taehyung I can walk to class myself, Walking is good for me"

You looked back at your boyfriend as he watched you exit the car while dropping you off at class the next day.

"just be careful, ok? and dont let anyone try anything with you" his eyes scanned the students roaming the campus. "call me if they do, yeah?"

You smile, nodding, "sure....okay, I love you"

"I love you too, ill pick you up at 3 ok?"

You nod softly, waving him off as you begin to walk to class.

You were sweaty with anxiety, eyes forced down to the ground you walked on to avoid any weird glares thrown your way.

This whole Kaito and Annie situation was, and should be, the least of your worries right now- all you wanted to do was finish the semester and be done for a little while, enjoying your pregnancy the best you can with Taehyung at home..

You walked into your theatre class, you were met with Chae, who you havent spoken to in months.

"y/n...where have you been?" she raised a brow, looking up from her phone.

"um, vacation"

"oh" she lowers her gaze on you, you suddenly feel angry that she even feels like its ok to communicate with you right now after taking Kaitos side.

"hows taehyung?" she continues as you take a seat

"im here for class, and class only, dont start anything with me" you spoke without even looking in her direction.

"I just think its funny that you flea right when everything is going on" she shrugged

"I went to go see my mom, not that its any of your buisness"

"listen, kaito isnt a great person and all but he is my friend, and you cheated on him with taehyung after blowing him off"

You scoffed, "oh like how he almost blew my face off? with his fist?"

She sighed, "and poor annie too....she liked taehyung and you just-"

You stopped her from finishing, "listen, chae, You dont know anything and If i were you i would worry a little less on my life and more on yours, everyone knows you failed your final exam because you cant keep your head out of other peoples asses for 3 fucking seconds" you bit and immediately stood, walking out before class even started.

maybe your english class will go better than this one.

-

Later that night, you sat in bed, head full of worry of what the next 2 weeks would bring at school.

in total, 5 kids had came up to you asking if the "rumors were true!"

you wish you had the willpower to punch their stupid fucking faces, but you needed your degree.

You decided against telling taehyung, which, yes, has proved to not be a good thing to do but you didnt want him to worry anymore about you. You are 23, a big girl who can handle childish college drama. they just need to get over it, and hopefully after they see that you dont care, they will move on with their lives.

"hey im back" taehyung walked into your room, a bag of snacks from the small store down the street, you were craving chips and he wasted no time going to grab them for you.

"are these good?" he held up the snacks, making your stomach growl,

"mm yes, thank you baby" he came over and gave you them, kissing you on the forehead. "what else did you get?" you smiled, looking at the semi-full grocery bag in his hand.

He turned shy, a small innocent smile on his face, "oh um.." he reached into the bag and pulled out a small teddy bear that had the initial of K on it, it was utterly adorable. he giggled softly, "I saw it there and thought it would be cute for the uh, baby" he spoke quietly.

"taehyung" you pouted, holding the bear, "im gonna cry this is such a soft thing for you to do" you giggled and looked at him, "they will love it honey"

"you think?" he smiled

"yes of course" you cupped his face, your heart filled with so much love for this boy, "come here" you whispered, arms reaching over his shoulders as he gently laid against you.

"youre so fucking cute...I love you" you whispered, hand running in his hair

"I love you too" he hummed, eyes closing against your chest.

You looked at the bear again, brining it closer to you. "K for kim"

"yess" he giggled softly

You kissed his head gently and held him tight, "thank you...for being here."

"I wouldnt miss out on this for anything, y/n."

You tried your best to not tear up at his soft words

"can I?" he gestured to your stomach

you nod, curious to what he wants to do

He carefully rolls up your tank top and kisses your stomach, whispering something

"Hi baby, its tae- er, its your daddy" he giggled, looking up at you as you watched happily

"I know from your perspective, things seem crazy but I promise mommy and I are gonna make you the happiest baby ever, we love you so much" he smiled, kissing your stomach once more as you felt tears fall. “We won’t let anything happen to you”

You brushed his hair back as he looked up, eyes meeting yours. “Honey why are you crying?”

“Because” stupid hormones.

He smiled and crawled up, kissing you gently before you brought him down to lay on you again.

“It’s silly…I was so fucking scared to tell you this, so afraid I’d be alone, or that shit would fall apart….but strangely now I feel like for the first time in forever, things are going ok”

He smiles as well, “I feel the same way, im genuinely happy”

“Me too…maybe this was meant to happen, hm?”

“The universe planted a baby into our laps and suddenly we are cured of any issue”

You laughed, “well, not quite, but in most aspects I feel happier than I did before, im glad we are doing this together”

“I am too, it’s gonna be so fun going to all the appointments and then finding out the gender, oh and getting to decorate the nursery”

You rubbed his back, feeling content in his words. “I was thinking about when we tell your family and mine, they are gonna be like oh my god when we tell them we are dating, then boom, pregnancy!”

He looked up, watching you as you spoke.

“Aren’t your parents gonna be angry we did things in the wrong order? Baby before marriage? What if I get disowned” you teased

“Listen, we both know my parents words aren’t anything to take seriously, they are all bark and no bite…im not gonna let them or anyone else do or say anything to hurt you”

“I just want us to be happy”

“And we will be, in our own little bubble” his hand gently rubbed your stomach “are you nervous? About motherhood?”

“More than anything taehyung”

“I’ll be here to help you, ok? You are such a sweet and loving person, you’ll have no issue being a mom and doing it flawlessly at that”

“It’s not just my skill I’m worried about, it’s just….it’s silly but I’m scared about my body changing. I struggle with these things and I know weight gain is healthy in pregnancy but…”

“Baby I refuse to hear you talk badly about your figure…look at you, so fucking sexy and you don’t even have to try. I don’t care what weight you are, or how you look now vs in 9 months, I love you for you and nothing will change that”

You frowned as he kissed all over your face “I love you too…”

“Eat your snacks baby, then let’s get some sleep yeah?”

“Yes…” you opened up the chip bag as taehyung got into his night clothes.

“Oh I scheduled the appointment today” you spoke up, biting into a wafer.

“Yeah? How was it?”

“Well I was a little timid about telling her but she was very happy to know and said she will take me in on Saturday morning for an ultrasound”

Taehyung jumped back into bed, “ah! This is so exciting baby”

“Mm” you giggle, giving him a chip.

“Do we find out the gender?”

You found his words adorable “no sweet boy, that’s not for a bit, but we get to hear the heartbeat and take home sonograms”

“Ohh, yay!” He smiled, cuddling back into you, arm resting over your abdomen protectively.

“Did you feed fishy?” You gesture to the small tank next to the bed. Taehyung shot up “shit…I will now, sorry little guy” he frowned.

“Hope you don’t forget to feed our human baby”

“No promises” he teased, sprinkling some food pellets into the water for the small yellow fish.

You waited for him to return next to you as he settled under the covers. “Comfy baby?” He whispered, shutting the lamp off.

“Mm” you cuddled into him once more as he rubbed your back.

“I love you”

“I love you more my angel, goodnight”

Taglist-

@turnthepageandbeburnt @taebangtanbabe @borahaexoxo @lelefoodlover @tan-veee @bokieya

[napping-sapphic]

Hello! I have a Situation and its totally cool if you're not able to give advice but im looking for advice anyway bc im autistic and have no idea how to navigate romantic situations.

So ive had a friend since i was 12 her pronouns are she/they so i will be using both. Im now 20 and they're 21. I've known I like girls since i was 13. And shes pan.

So, in the past, ive had like fleeting thoughts of dating/kissing them but i usually just shake my head and think "nah i cant possibly want to date her bc they're my best friend, i just have very strong platonic feelings." Like Very Strong. Ive literally said that i will always compare my feelings for a future romantic partner with my feelings for her bc they're so strong.

So im honestly not sure if i would know if i was in love with someone unless it hit me in the face, and i am currently feeling like it has hit me in the face. I woke up at like 4 am last night from a dream just thinking "omygosh im in love with her" and ive been journaling and thinking all day ahout my feelings and im starting to think ive just been in strong denial/oblivious about my feelings. Both bc im autistic and have difficulty identifying emotions and bc im demiromantic and rarely experience romantic attraction so i dont have much experience with it.

I guess the point of this ask is about any advice you can give regarding knowing if i actually have romantic feelings and if i do,, like what do i do about it??? Should i tell them? We have a really strong friendship and i dont wanna make her uncomfortable. I think ill be okay not acting on my feelings but its been literally less than 24 hrs since realizing my feelings might be romantic and i dont know if it will be difficult to hide or what to do about it. They're also like my only close friend so i cant just ask her what to do like i would normally, which is why im asking you.

Again, i understand if you cant answer this bc its a pretty personal situation but i would appreciate any advice.

Thank you! :)

Ahh once again prefacing with the fact that I am really Not Qualified to give advice on most things😅 but I can give you my take as an outsider on the situation and with my (very limited experience) in case that might help you at all, but again really take all of this with a LARGE grain of salt i am a VERY unqualified stranger on the internet so most of what i say is probably nonsense😅

I feel like this is like my go to advice but I’d say just wait it out tbh, as someone who was in capital L love with their childhood best friend for a while it really just came down to time for me. It took a while for me to be sure whether the feelings were romantic or platonic for SURE. Especially since the platonic love stayed for me even when the romantic love began🤷‍♀️ it made it extra tricky to tell lol.

My ‘oh this is NOT just platonic’ realization came from YEARS of excessive thinking about them, WAY too much jealousy when they dated other people, a LOT of thoughts and urges about holding their hand, a lot of comparing them to people i had passing crushes on, and (i kid you not) an embarrassing amount of love poems teenage me wrote about them lol😅

However! The slow process and thinking it through also lead me to the conclusion that i did NOT want to date them. Being a couple just wouldn’t work for us and I value them so so so SO much as my best friend and really need them in my life as that separate, constant, platonic relationship that I deeply love and care for. It works better for us than any sort of dating could🤷‍♀️ not to mention all of our other clashing traits that just wouldn’t work if our relationship was romantic. And now I’m honestly really not romantically interested in them anymore, they’re just my best friend and always will be :)

I dont think it’s too unusual to fall a bit (or a lot) romantically in love with a best or close friend, I think the more important thing to recognize is whether it’s something worth acting on, that you’re willing to act on, and that will be good for both of you to act on

So I’d say ruminate on it! There’s no pressure to figure it out, if you start getting too preoccupied with it you can try talking it through with them, not even as a confession type thing, you can simply have a conversation letting them know you’re a little confused or wanting their opinion if you think they’ll be receptive to it. Best I can tell you is that there’s no clock on figuring it out, there’s no “right” way to define what type of love you feel, and to remember that either way you’ve got a great person in your life. I’m very sorry I can’t be more help and if anyone has any other advice feel free to leave it in the notes for this person! Good luck to you and I hope you find what you’re looking for soon <3!!

[natsmagi]

hello !! yet another different anon, but just wanted to share this while we’re on the topic of self-criticism - hopefully this doesn’t come off as patronizing, it’s just smth i’ve found helps me as an artist and hopefully it’ll help u :D

i think it’s rlly important to view old art more from the perspective of the feelings u had making it rather than the actual content of the art itself. sure, ur artistic skills have improved a lot over the years, and maybe when ur looking back at ur older work u see a lot of flaws in it - weird anatomy, bad lighting, articles of clothing that don’t make sense, etc (not saying ur old art has any of these i’m just listing examples i’ve had in my own lol) - but u had fun making it !! it’s a drawing of something u loved and still love, and it served its purpose as an outlet to express that love. when people go back and like those old drawings, they’re not seeing it for its flaws - they’re seeing it for the love it represents, a love they probably feel themselves. while it’s good to critique ur own work to some extent for the sake of improvement, people liking ur old stuff is far from cringe-worthy! it’s just someone enjoying something u once enjoyed too, like an internet happiness hand-me-down :)

again, this sort of mindset has rlly helped me personally - i don’t feel as nervous about drawing or posting, bc im just having fun !! it’s ok if it’s kind of janky or has weird details, it was made with love and people can see and appreciate that. nobody ever stops improving or seeing flaws in their work, so its best to focus more on the joy it gave u and push urself towards improvement with the promise of even more joy rather than forcing urself to improve under the threat of feeling ashamed of ur creations

hopefully all of this makes sense i kind of have the shakes rn lol. sorry for the super long ask, i just dont rlly know how to explain all of this in a short way-

hope u are having a fantastic day full of pretty girls !!!!

omg no worries at all!! your message read as very sweet so please dont stress urself out over how u came across!!

AND I DEFINITELY AGREE!! tbh its a mindset i tend to have, but i think where ive lacked is definitely in applying the "im just doing it for fun" logic to past me. i tend to be someone who very much lives in the present and have a bit of a disconnect both from the past and the future, and this can cause me to totally disregard everything about my past self and past work LOL. so honestly having all this put into words has kinda been an "OHH RIGHT" moment for me KASJHFJAHSDKJ

theres also the factor of my audience being bigger now........ im not really someone who likes having alot of eyes on me for various reasons, which sometimes causes me to waver a bit AKJSHFKJH THOUGH ITS NOT THAT BAD. i think most of my shyness comes from having artists i really admire now see my art and im like "FUCK IC ANT HAVE IT LOOK BAD WHAT IF THEY SEE" which can cause me to overthink things But also i tend to forget that those people even follow me 80% of the time. tbh all of my "insecurities" in regards to my art are purely circumstantial and only really present themselves if im in a flustered state, but a large portion of the time im just chilling KJAHSFJKHK

i do also wanna say tho that i think the viewing all art as coming from a place of love sentiment is very sweet........ esp bc in the beginning one of the compliments i got the most was along the lines of "your love for the characters really shines through!!" so to think that, in spite of potential quality, that love is still visibly present makes me very happy.......... Perhaps if u have genuine love for what u do itll shine through no matter what

[p-taryn-dactyl]

I wouldn't let it upset you, I read this comments on the poll and if they've both been happily married to one another for many many years since.

It looks odd when you break it down into school grades and look at the difference that way but there's not so much of a difference between 13 and 16, it's a few years gap and they are both children.

However, developmentally by their age the 16 might have some things on thier mind that have not yet crossed the 13s mind so if I were a parent I'd be wary of that. I don't think 13 should be dating at all and tbh I kinda do think dating at 16 is dumb like just thinking back to myself at 16 at the time I thought I had things figured out but looking back I didn't even know myself and really prob most 16 year olds don't really have a full grasp of thier own identity yet so trying to date it's just like what for? You don't even know yourself and your a baby what you dating for 🤣 also their concept of dating at that age will just be so silly and juvenile because they are juvenile.

But yeah it was a different time back then, different societal views different culture. Also kids were different back then too, they didn't have the internet, social media, today's pressures of growing up too quickly

im not really upset per say (even though this might contridict that lmao) about the age difference in the past, it's that when i brought it up to my parents, they acted like i was the crazy one for being a little concerned?

it's the whole developmental thing thats getting me fr. and i do hate the whole "it was a different time" excuse bc honestly in the grand scheme of things, 40 years isn't that long ago. like even then people thought it was weird and wrong (ive heard this couple complain about how people treated their relationship but never knew why until today) like yes we can't truly judge history by modern standards bc we have more knowlegde to an extent than our ancestors but 40, even 50, years ago isn't enough for me to brush past a 16 year old looking at a fresh teenager and being attracted to her? this is not an attack on what you said btw im just really worked up and tired af

now, they are in a loving committed relationship and i think everything worked out but the timeline of dating, not really the age gap, bothers me to my core. but i could just be more conservative in my dating views (never thought i'd be considered conservative about anything tbh)

but yeah dating is a wild concept to me in middle school, like i was still trying to figure myself out why would i also try and be intwined in an intense emotional connection?

jesus i gotta stop typing so much, thank you for send me this! i really appreciate other people's input and im sorry if i came off too aggressive, i think ive been putting my sisters in the 13 year old's place and my mind has taken my emotions from there

[neonun-au]

(i hope sending more asks is okay, mads) thoughts on No Limit album by monsta x?

- livvie

of course of course ! ask as much as you want hehe

its not my favourite of their albums, but its solid. they never really put out a bad album tbh and in the past few years ive grown to have a real love for their music. it wasn't really my taste before (like dramarama/alligator/shoot out and before), but theyve sort of come to a place where i really enjoy their stuff on the whole and even if a song isnt really up my alley, i still can appreciate.

it was when they put out who do u love that i really bothered to dive deeper into their discography and discover that oh actually they have a lot of really excellent, solid album tracks !

rush hour is fun, but i liked gambler and love killa more so i just didnt really dig into it that much. the rest of the songs on the album are solid, but none of them really stand out to me too much just as a casual monsta x enjoyer haha

(my favourite album on the whole is either all about luv or fatal love idk theyre both GREAT. and i have a soft spot for one of a kind mostly because of rotate.)

[bellamygateoldblog]

My opinion is that a good amount of the fandom doesn’t see El as her own person and only sees her as an extension of Mike even when they try to deny it, and that not being together romantically would be a lot healthier for both of their character growth.

oh this. ive found in my short bursts of exploring the stranger things fandom that far too many el stans for my liking erase or twist everything that makes her HER, or seem to get defensive over characteristics that el DOES have and things that el DOES do. not everyone loves characters the same way, sorry that you can't appreciate el's hot-headedness, intellectual struggles and probable post-institutional syndrome, and tendancy to mimic other people around her as she learns the world, but that's a you problem shawty <3

i think a lot of people just don't care to engage with her character on any deeper level other than thinking she's a cute badass who kicks monster ass, and that's okay. i do get the impression with how they talk about el and mileven, and the type of content they make, that a group of fans simply use el as a self-insert because they find finn cute. i tend to think el does have her own distinct personality, but for those who don't necessarily engage with her character, i can see how she'd come across to them as a semi-clean slate they can project onto.

and actually ive decided to go on a tangent because this just reminded me of something lol and im using this anon as an excuse to try to collect and organise my thoughts. in the conflict scene between mike, max and nancy regarding mike's concerns of treating el like a weapon, nancy was literally projecting in that scene...she's personally dealing with sexism in her own plot and thus applies her own feelings about her own situation to el's, growing defensive over mike's genuine worry, batting it away with 'el knows her own limits. el is her own person' and she's misguided because even though el does know a great deal more about her power than anyone else, she's been shown to be extremely brave, protective and sacrificial (which mike helplessly WATCHED the first time) for the people she cares about and would absolutely exhaust herself and push herself past her own capabilities if it meant saving them for a little bit longer. that's ALSO who el is at her core. a girl who loves deeply.

to me it's not that mileven is 'unhealthy' like they're kids tbh, tho mike has been paralleled to hopper in s3 numerous times with his possessiveness, talk of others "corrupting" her, and typical 80s teenage boy behaviour, for me it's that i don't really like where that dynamic puts mike's character and by extention how other characters have to kind of...revolve around mileven when it's romantically A Thing, as they literally did in season 3. mike is a group leader but in season 3 he really wasn't, mike loves his friends so much but in season 3 he was really slacking on the whole 'i would literally DIE for my friend' thing and was so obsessively preoccupied with girlfriends (while the girls, on the other hand, were living their best single lives) that he shoved aside 2 out of 3 friends etc.

el on the other hand isn't that much affected as a character by having a boyfriend/love interest as far as we can tell, which I really love, however I find it...odd...that she's this really traumatised child with actual powers, she's WEIRD she's not normal, she's no particularly well-adjusted, she's still learning language, context and behaviours and such, she doesn't know who she is or what she likes, she's barely seen the world, but right away she's just acting like a normal teenage girl with unconventional speech patterns trying on clothes, eating ice cream, skipping through the mall, oogling boys and dealing with angsty teen drama, which isn't bad, I'm just wondering where the rest went and why they can't co-exist. a quick shot of el feeling watched and uneasy while she's in the mall surrounded by all those people. something. that's not really a gripe i have with mileven, but just how it's been fitted in with the other elements of the show and how it was so in our faces all season 3. with that being said im in agreement with the metas discussing how season 3 is supposed to be superficial and goofy and emphasises how mileven doesn't really work and has been moving quickly, i think we were supposed to be uncomfortable with that makeout scene watching through the crack in the door where hopper is, being told the kissing is constant, having joyce ask hopper to clarify it's ONLY kissing these 14 year olds doing, that awkward one-sided kiss with mike's eyes wide open, everyone teasing them or expressing frustration towards them, etc. i have no hard feelings for mileven, i don't actually mind it (or i didn't until all that i just mentioned in s3 plus some), i think it's very sweet in s1 and s2. really i don't take major issue with the relationship itself when you remove it from everything else and look at it, i simply just prefer byler. LOL.

[wooahaes]

Ahh we all have that one professor who makes u go ??? The fuck ??? At least 5 times in 20 mins lol I get you

Also the nct thing was purely by accident lol aksnsksms I initially listened to boom by nct dream, thought I’d listen to a couple more songs, fell down the rabbit hole and now I actively Stan 20+ men 💀 yeah I did that to myself lol but fr nct has some weird shit but a LOT of bops like if you like slow ballad type of stuff I recommend from home and my everything but nct u or if u like smth cute Touch by NCT 127 is p well liked by most people I introduce that song to! And most of nct dreams older songs are p cute too! I feel like you’ve made a grave mistake letting me talk ab NCT because I could go on FOREVER aksnsksms also I totally get the mark + Haechan duo lol I have a particular fondness for mark because we share the same birthday lol plus he’s so cute I just wanna fucking SQUISH

I would LOVE to hear you talk about Shinee!! All of their music fuckin SLAPS I’ve been obsessed with Body Rhythm every since it came out and like I got into the fandom p late so I don’t know much but I think taemin is fucking hilarious like he is very much my pathetic lil meow meow

-Baby Teume

literally i love her but the way she runs her classes... headache inducing. im probably going to scrape past with a C unless she decides to drop our lowest grade (highly unlikely but very welcome)

... my confession is that i actually enjoy sticker lmao like ik its not great ig? but i can still vibe with it

i have made NO mistake asking u to talk abt nct!!! pls talk to me about nct whenever u feel like it lmao i love hearing abt other ppls groups and the stuff they get passionate about!! literally i love when ppl give me song recs even if i dont end up getting into them bc its a lil 'hey i thought u might enjoy this' and i think thats sweet <3

i learned that marks emojis are a tiger and a lion and im like omg... tiger... another tiger boy to add to my collection. AND lions too??? mark nct ill give u a kiss omg /j

omg... u will regret asking me abt shinee i love them SO much. im ignoring the fact taemin just showed up on my playlist (highly recommend all of the shinee members solo stuff!!! i can absolutely give recs for my fave from each member even tho minho has like two songs to him rn but theyre both good fdkhdshf)

i always say taemin is my bias (hes adorable AND funny like... king stop my expectations are too high-) but i think im truly ot5 because all of them are so important to me. they were the first kpop group i ever listened to forever ago (sherlock (clue + note) is a legend and i love her so much), and i think dropping off shortly after getting into them (which would have been around 2015 because it was the time view came out) and then picking them a little over a year ago was genuinely like... something that really helped me out of a shitty place + hurt because i had missed the news about jonghyun entirely. but even then, i think its made me appreciate him and everything he's done so, so much. i won't get sappy but i truly love jonghyun so much and i'm glad he's no longer hurting. it'll always piss me off when people reduce him down to his death and nothing else because he was such a good person.

moving on from that before i get too emotional... i genuinely just love shinee a lot. i watched one of the shinee world concerts (IV i think?) earlier this year and its amazing how talented they were and still are. shinee truly helped pave the way and inspired so many idols and i adore them. its also fun to just watch them interact, tbh. i don't genuinely ship anyone because i find that weird, but minkey as a (platonic) pair are my faves lmao they always bicker like an old married couple but you can tell that they do love each other and are genuinely close friends.

and jinki!!! onew my beloved!!! i love him so much. he has such a warm presence and GOD his vocals... i die every time... coincidentally love phobia just came up on my playlist lmao but still!! highly recommend listening to DICE if u haven't!! the entire album itself is good but the title track is soo good <3 i always feel like i forget he's the leader of shinee because they're all so close-knit, it feels like they're all on completely equal footing even if jinki is the one leading them.

i didnt rly get into my love for taemin but genuinely i adore him. he's so, so talented both vocally and dance-wise, i love to see the difference between his stage persona (typically his solo persona lmao taemin and his slutty slutty music... <3) when he's really just this very sweet catholic man who apparently only really interacts with his group mates and a few others outside of that. he's so funny and i honestly admire every live he did where he spoke english and messed up and accepted his mistakes? like. learning a language is hard enough, especially one as fucking weird as english, but he just seems to eager to try speaking english and accepts his mistakes. i think he definitely has a very good support network both in the people helping him learn english (job-wise) and in having someone like key there to correct him (and maybe rib him a little bit--but it's all out of love). also i still think its really funny he broke into keys place to leave him a birthday cake and then proceeded to steal one of his jackets. stole my heart at the same time smh

i will stop here bc i still have two questions left on my final but !!! i will absolutely give u shinee recs if you want!! shinee has SUCH a good discography with only a few songs that are... not good at all lmao. but every group puts out some bad songs sometimes, especially when they've been around for a long time! nothing wrong w that! + i'll probs throw in recs from each member's solo career because i genuinely love a lot of their solo stuff as well <3

[mousehole5000]

tgcf again chapters 174-191. im now midway through book 4. pain and suffering. and yet also.... this is really good.... but also.... pain...

okay cave of ten thousand gods everythings coming out into the light.... xie lian pretending not to hear fengqing drop their act im emotional..... fengqing silently working together to separate xie lian and hua cheng im emotional..... every word that comes out of mu qing’s mouth im emotional....

honestly reading the xianle trio discussing hua cheng.. its very hard for me NOT to project all the times ive been in a friendship trio and someone got a boyfriend the other two didnt like (which was every time. theres never been a bf everyone liked. sometimes i was the one who had the bf. there were no winners then and tbh i predict there will be no real winners here as far as this friendship goes but such is life)

mu qing is so smart he’s clever he’s tricksy i love it i love him ugh

“A pair of arms had circled around him from behind, and hugged him with force all of a sudden. Xie Lian had buried his face in his back, and also didn’t speak. Though nothing was said, it was enough.” okay i cant get into every different way im feeling about whats going down bc it would get Too Personal but this..... im emo. also xie lian saying “something like this has to be said clearly“ and then proceeding to not say a word just going in for a hug is a mood

“He heard Hua Cheng’s staggering voice coming from above. “...Your Highness. You really…will be the death of me.” - ok well DONT SAY THAT!! now im worried!!!

“Hua Cheng, however, only snorted, appearing as if his eyes could see through the thick rocky walls. He said darkly, “Don’t worry. If he kills one, I’ll make ten more. Fast and furious like the storms, I will never back down. Let’s see who’s the one left standing in the end.” Xie Lian’s heart skipped a beat for some reason, and he mumbled inwardly, “... Oh no, this is bad.” Even though Hua Cheng’s expression was subconsciously displayed, Xie Lian really was quite weak to this aggressive and rebellious confidence of his.” - fjadskfajsl its okay xie lian honey you never know whats going to do it for you

okay so are the murals and statues are only from the xianle era? im hoping hua cheng didnt secretly follow xie lian during his time as a mortal during the entire 800 years and then pretend to a total stranger that would be too much imo lets see. i still really do get why feng xin and mu qing are like “...dude wtf lets get out of here stay away from that guy” (also tbh probably if theyd all managed to stay close... this probably wouldnt be happening which isnt a judgement im just saying bc thats definitely how ive felt about friendships) although this whole thing IS indeed tinged with homophobia which i still dont think makes sense in this setting but whatever i guess.

BOOK 4!!!! im scared

“A few days ago he nearly fainted, and it was only after that did he realize it was because he hadn’t had anything to eat for several days.” - unfortunately relatable but :(

“Ever since Xie Lian was young, he had never had to consider these kinds of affairs, and this was truly the first time in decades that this problem gripped him. However, if gods didn’t even know what starvation felt like, how could they possibly understand the feelings of a starving worshipper? How could they possibly empathize? At this point, he could only take this experience as a form of training.” - TRUE THO!!!!!!!! i like seeing this even tho the circumstances are sad

wait does xie lian get his bad cooking skills from him mom? im gonna cry...

“After returning to the city, Mu Qing’s stomach was still turning. He said as he stumbled, “I thought…that porridge, it smelled like bran water, but I hadn’t thought it’d taste like it too!” Feng Xin gritted his teeth. “Shut up! Don’t force people to remember that pot of stuff! The queen is…body of ten thousand gold after all…never cooked…this is already…UGH!…” Mu Qing humphed. “Did I say something wrong? If you didn’t think it was like bran water, why don’t you…go ask the queen to grant you another bowl! UGH!…” The two were heaving back and forth, and Xie Lian grabbed hold of the both of them, patting their backs.” - xianle trio.... including simply because it made me do the pleading emoji in real life..... also the way the queen wanted to feed all of them... weeping

i didnt realize that mu qing would still be around during this time.... god the fact that i know theyre all going to split......

“It’s precisely because it’s a time like this that money has to be brought up!” Mu Qing countered. “A time like this? What time is it? Time when we’re starving! It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to admit it, but nothing can be done without money! Can you both not just suck it up a little bit?” - mu qing i love you. god.... for real the fact that he comes from a completely different background than the other two is so important to his character and i think it shows so much in the way he continues to be in the present. he gives me the vibe of someone who is smart and hardworking but is bitter about it and tbh!!!! i get why he is!!! he’s very aware of these kinds of concerns bc he’s had to be, while the other two kind of think theyre above it and its a big difference between them. he’s still separated by the circumstances of his birth despite how much harder he’s worked to get to where he is.... ugh painful and delicious

i really am enjoying the xianle story tbh. xie lian going from his highness, favored by heaven, well-intentioned but lacking in experience and understanding to living in poverty and fighting with mortals who disrespect him. fucking delicious i mean this sincerely and respectfully im sad but i really like his character arc. and then to how he is in the present....

“Mu Qing looked at him, speaking not a word. Then he bowed deeply and really turned around to walk away.” - OH NO ITS HAPPENING AHHHHH ;_; honestly all of this hurts but it feels real like i think mu qing has every right to want to leave honestly and he DOES have other family and other ambitions outside of the trio... and i get why feng xin is mad about him wanting to leave when theyre suffering!! and i get why xie lian lets him go.... friendships are hard man and the pain of them splitting is rough!!!!

“Mu Qing’s departure had really shocked him to the core. First, he had never thought that someone so close would just up and leave. Second, Xie Lian had always believed in “forever”. For example, friends would always be friends forever; no betrayal, no deception, no breaking up. Perhaps there’d be times when they’d part, but it for sure wouldn’t be over reasons like “life is too horrible” - pain. just pain. same as above i get it but it hurts

“Xie Lian didn’t know too well just how much money would be considered normal when buying over ten lanterns, and he never looked at the price tag when he purchased things in the past.” - i feel bad kicking him while he’s down and he’s still trying to be kind even when it costs him but this is the first thing that came into my mind

but also oh?? spirits of soldiers from the battlefield you say?? hmmm i wonder... who.... could possibly be among them....

“If you remain forcibly, you won’t be able to rest in peace,” Xie Lian said. The nameless ghost didn’t seem to care. “I pray to never rest in peace.” -  i cant lie this legit gave me goosebumps lol

“Xie Lian himself was alright in suffering through it, since there were far too many other things to worry about. But his mother, who had lived a comfortable, luxurious life, when had she ever done such crude labour? But if the queen didn’t do this work herself, who else could take over?” - hmmmm!!! housekeeping!!!! it matters!!!! rich people dont appreciate how much until they have to do it themselves!!! but this still makes me sad

oh god THATS when they pawned hongjing?? with the king sick and mu qing leaving?? :(((( even more emotional about its appearances in the present day

“That passerby chuckled. “You don’t know? This is too exciting! The servant is beating the master!” - oh god the dramatic and ironic timing of it all

god..... this is just... a sad time....

“MU QING ISN’T LIKE YOU ALL. HE’S MY FRIEND, HE WOULD NEVER HELP YOU!!!” [cut to] “Those were the only words echoing in Xie Lian’s mind, but he couldn’t utter a single sound, and could only crazily grab at anything at his disposal to throw. He didn’t care who he was hurling at, either. Finally, Mu Qing couldn’t take this anymore, and he steeled his face as he swept his sleeves and left. Xie Lian panted harshly for a bit and fell back down, spacing out again.”- IM SAD!!!!!! tbh i wonder if on some level xie lian kind of felt like mu qing owed him? i know he said to forget about that stuff to both of them but its one thinig to say it and think you mean it and another to have to deal with it

white no-face what is your DEAL!! also all the little fire ghost bits im...

“After having exchanged so many words, Feng Xin finally got the gist of what had transpired. He widened his eyes and pointed at Mu Qing, unable to speak. A moment later, he bent down and grabbed a sack and flung it over, roaring. “SCRAM! SCRAM SCRAM SCRAM!” Mu Qing was hit in the face by the sacks of rice he brought and backed two steps away. All three of them in the house were panting harshly.” - this is it this is the part where i closed my laptop and said “noOOooOOOoooo” out loud to my room im so upset... and mu qing still tried to leave the rice even after the broom thing im ;_;

“Feng Xin was completely convinced that he would never do such a thing, but that was precisely why this had become the worst-case scenario!” - pain, suffering, dismay, etc

“Feng Xin continued, “If Your Highness thinks your life might be in danger, I can finish this for you, I won’t tell Her Majesty, haha.” - bless your heart for trying feng xin

“But it shouldn’t be like this. The Feng Xin of the past would have absolute faith in him no matter what! Even if there was only twenty percent doubt, it was still unbearable!” - AHHHHHHH okay idk if i really have much to say about their relationship other than im sad but IM SAD!!!!

the differences between feng xin and mu qing’s relationship with xie lian are so interesting. feng xin has clearly always idolized xie lian a lot while mu qing hasnt at least not in the same way and he seems like he has some resentment towards xie lian (thats how i read it anyway thats what i said about it at the beginning of book 2 and i think its understandable and can be a very real part of friendships) that feng xin doesnt and i just think thats neat!!

“He was firmly tied down upon the altar, that broken base of the statue under his body. There were many people squeezed below the altar, and pair after pair of round, unblinking eyes were watching him.” - hmmm dont think i like where this is going

“Yet, before he could finish, he realized that the white silk that he used to cover his face had been undone. In this moment, the thing that had him completely tied down was that exact white silk.” oh my god wait is this ruoye?? is ruoye that same ribbon???? ill cry

“The hand stained with blood, the one that ended a life, was immune to the Face Disease.” - ohhh shit okay. okay okay. okay. shit okay. i See now.... so if youre an innocent civilian the only way to escape this fate (and the faces are actually the souls of other innocent civilians) is to get rid of your innocence... and doesnt this disease not actually hurt its just horrific? god.............

“White No-Face pitied, “You think they don’t want to do it? Wrong, it’s not that they don’t want to, it’s solely because no one wants to be the first, that’s all.” - shut up!!! youre the one who created this situation dont fucking preach about the way you think the world is

“He forced down the mouthful of blood and hissed, “What are you laughing at? You think that you got what you wanted? This was all forced by you!” The ghost fire within the ghost’s hand flickered even more fiercely.” - yes exactly!!! you put people in extreme circumstances sometimes they do extreme things!! youve proved nothing!! god i do love when characters say exactly what im thinking. plus the first ones who caved were trying to save their child

“He felt that, if he was to let them do what they wanted, there was something in his heart that would never return to its original state.” - :( also i kind of feel that in my life sometimes and i just hope xie lian’s heart ends up in a state he’s happy with

“He didn’t dare to look at what had become of the person lying on the altar, because what laid there didn’t look human anymore.” AHHHHHH!!! :(((( i mean i get why this event is what made hc... level up??? thats not a good way to describe it fjasldkfjaslk but you know what i mean... that line about being powerless to help your beloved OOOOOOF

okay well finished that chapter im. pain. hmmm. pain. i dont know if i actually have any words rn lol but im gonna stop here for now

[mybiasisexo]

Plans For This Blog 😯

so I know I've been pretty mia the past few months 😬 I want to apologize for that. if Im being honest, this site just hasn't been hitting the way it used to, what with people leaving, exo not really doing anything, and the whole creator neglect stuff. Like a lot of other people on here, I haven't really been motivated to do anything writing wise, nor get any joy/hype when things do happen in my respective fandoms.

Ive been doing a lot of thinking on whether or not I wanted to continue posting fanfic and this led me to the title of this post.

so, here are my plans for my blog!!!

I lowkey want a rebrand, so Ill probably be changing my url soon (prob as soon as I post this tbh)

I will be on here more!!! I really want to get back into loving both writing AND reading fics and interacting more with my followers, mutuals, and those that I follow as well. (I need to follow more people tho, cause my timeline is deaaaaad)

now, when it comes to my works.... here is what I have decided!!!

I still have like, 10 drabbles left. For those who are still waiting for their request, I am so fucking sorry!!!! Words cannot explain how fucking SICK I feel for making you wait for so long 😔. You have every right to be annoyed, but I promise I will get on them!!! I am hoping to have them done by the end of the year 😬 thank you for your patience!!!! 💖

I was going to wait until I finally hit my first 1000, but that's been practically impossible ever since I stopped really going on here, so Im just going to start posting my next project, which is.... POSTING MY UNFINISHED WORKS!!!! I have 21 (yes, read that) stories that ive been sitting on (some for years) that I prob will never finish, but are still really good!!! Ill prob post one every other day until they are all out. I doubt they will get any traction, lmaoo, but that leads me to my next bullet

Since Im still a relatively small writer, the notes discourse has been a lot for me, but I never really get lots of notes to begin with, so Im going to not care at all!!!!! At least TRY to haha. Ill post stories bc I like them and if you fucks with that, I fucks with you!!! Point, blank, periodt!!! Im tired of the atmosphere thats been created here, so I will be changing my mental when it comes to it so that I can have more enjoyable moments!!!

When it comes to the future of my writings, Im sure you probably gathered that I will still be posting fanfic on here and it will still be for ot9. I used to post drabble games every time I hit another hundred, but that proved to be a bit too stressful for me. Im not sure what Im going to be doing with drabble games, bc I know a lot of you found me and like me bc of those, but, imma be honest, I'm burnt out on them.

Ill be focusing more on my scenarios, but I think the format for them will change. I can't go into full details on what this means exactly, bc im still playing around with what I want to actually do, but once I truly figure it out, you all will be the first to know!!!

I want to thank everyone who is still following me, thank you for your patience and I hope now that everyone is quitting writing fics I will now become the new fic writing queen lmfaoooo jkjk. I appreciate you all and hope you enjoy the plans I have in store!!!!!! Lets all blow a kiss to baldy jongdae okay???? 😘

[lemongogo]

hey im the anon abt gyutaro/ume and i dont remember what happens to demons after they die ?? did i miss smth ? regardless i wanna ask what do you think their fate should be ? cause on one hand i think they're just victims of a cruel world who took the first way out they could find but on the other hand it doesnt rlly justify all the slaughter, and i also think abt the demon slayers who also suffered horrible fates and used it to fuel their determination to save other people from that pain

hi !! i don’t think kny ever explicitly mentions what happens to demons after they die (as in we never have concrete evidence of where they go or how their lives after are spent), but i think the general consensus is that the demons go to hell. 

in some cases, the family can decide to go with them (ex: rui and i think akaza? if i remember correctly?) but their fate is pretty much sealed from that point forward i believe. 

heres a pic of gyuutarou and ume, actually, in chapter 97 !!

but yeah !! thats something i think about a lot tbh. as you mentioned, many of the demons we’ve seen have either been groomed into demonhood (rui, ume, susamaru, etc.) or had their pain and suffering exploited (akaza, gyuutarou) for the sake of advancing other demons’ plans (muzan, douma, etc). so i agree ! a lot of these characters are unfortunate victims in themselves and its impossible to view their stories without incorporating the struggles they’ve had to face as both humans AND demons. especially considering that lots of these individuals experience muzan’s abuse regardless of their status relative to him (such as with the upper and lower moons). i think this is best explained through akaza’s relationship with muzan,

(ch. 67)

(ch.156)

and further explored though tanjiro’s observation of rui’s death. he notes that being a demon, for most, is an existence punctuated by extreme grief and despair, and that’s equally supported, i think, by the humanization of these demons following death. that their original conscious is restored (albeit with knowledge of everything they’ve done) and are oftentimes plagued by the guilt of what’s happened.

(ch.43)

what he says here is probably what sums it up for me. that while it’s important to condemn these demons and hold them accountable for the truly awful things they’ve done, it’s also important to consider the suffering they've experienced through existence alone. its so !! complex !! and thats what i love about kny. i love how .. you have some demons who are entirely despicable and bask in the carnage they create, but you also have some for whom demonhood was simply what appeared to be the only answer towards living a healthier life or righting the wrongs that’ve been done to them (usually with false promises and manipulation unbeknownst to them). and .. its so hard to figure out where to.. draw that line. or view these characters at least. because you sympathize with their pain, but you also realize that their actions have caused endless pain for many hundreds of people. tanjiro losing his entire family, giyuu losing his. shinobu watching her sister die before her very eyes, and kanao the same. the ubuyashiki family’s curse or the slaughter of himejima’s children. you look at characters like sanemi, shinobu, or giyuu and understand that you cannot invalidate their view of demons either. while kanae and tanjiro may find hope and humanity in demons, they exist as monsters who feast on pain to everyone else. its important not to discredit their perspective when making a personal choice to observe the demons’ hardships yknow. shinobu’s anger is just as warranted as tanjiro’s optimism and that neither are wrong for how they personally feel demons should be handled after death. 

im like. AAAAAAAA theres so much to it , its really hard for me to condense into a few sentences AHAHA im so sry for making u read this if u still are. but . i guess i’m not too sure. i think maybe, had i experienced the same pain as those above, it would be easy for me to say the demons deserve to go to the worst hell imaginable regardless of what they’ve gone through because that history isn’t accessible to everyone like it has been the audience (or that they’ve seemingly made the conscious decision to cause harm w/o understanding the ways in which demonhood obscures their original conscious/morality). but at the same time, you have those like tanjiro whose world view is shaped by positive encounters with demons like nezuko, tamayo, yushirou, etc. where it seems very evident that . theres more to it than what meets the eye. 

one of my friends ive talked to about this had a rly good perspective on it thats kinda stuck with me since !! she said she likes to view their conclusion as some . separation of identity?? if that makes sense?? that the demon side of them goes to hell while their human form goes to heaven (or division into whichever afterlife). and !! i think thats a really neat interpretation because there’s obvious descrepancy between demon personas and human personas. that the demon personas are like. exaggerations of their flaws, almost (akaza becoming hellbent on battle spirits and physical victories when hajuki’s fury & determination was fueled by love in a sense) while their human personas are the truest sense of self. and depending on which influence there is (muzan vs the appearance of loved ones), their identity changes accordingly. so ! idk ! thats one nice way of looking at it. holding their demon personas accountable while also recognizing that many of these characters deserve some form of healing after many hundreds of years of abuse. its hard because ofc i don’t want to negate the harms they’ve caused but its also? not cut and dry given the environment they were placed in and the fact that muzan’s blood essentially removes their humanity against their will you know. so in this way at least you have both forms of self receiving the proper conclusion. 

whwhwhw so im. !!!!!!!!!!!! ah !! i can’t say i have a definite answer but i think the one above is smth thats comforting to me. i think the story settles with sending them to hell once they’ve regained their past self but also .. “softens” it by providing them company by their loved ones who are willing to go w them?? so thats rly cool to look at too. because it holds them accountable for all that’s happened but also.. recognizes that they’re not wholly responsible for it either and that .. even in hell they’re able to keep their connections and human emotions/experiences . its tragic yet oddly. fitting, i think, of the kny narrative. while i like the aforementioned interpretation, i also really.. appreciate the way its set up in canon too. like yeah i want the best for them but also. it fits in with the tragic nature of demonhood and what it meant for them all. oddly enough. 

u make a good point too !! about demon slayers experiencing the same hardships but using their pain to help others. i think a lot of it is plainly chalked up to luck in terms of.. what they were exposed to following tragedy. how shinobu and kanae were saved by himejima, tanjiro saved by giyuu, kanao picked up by shinobu and kanae, sanemi given the guidance of kagaya while akaza was killed by muzan during his lowest moment, ume and gyuutarou were cornered by douma, rui misled by muzan, etc. i think circumstance is definitely a large factor in determining the paths that were taken. such as sanemi’s anger being validated and heard by ubuyashiki vs, say, akaza’s same anger being intentionally exploited for muzan’s gain.

aaa anyways. theres a lot 2 be said about this. like. SO much on my mind and obviously the extent of muzan’s abuse goes far deeper than what’s briefly mentioned here but.  i love talking about the complexities of kny . and how i view the demons vs the corps and how each of them have grown into their respective stories . AA but ill end it here THNK U >> also so sry for making u read thru all of this i get so excited i could talk abt kny all day long if i had the chance AAA 

[sweetiejunie]

Till we meet again

Pt1

Summary: you had to leave him

Genre: angst, fluff

Yeonjun x reader

Part: Prologue | Pt1

=====================================

The days went by and there wasn’t a single one either of you wasn’t thinking about each other. You were his first love and he was yours. Who could ever forget that?

The day you had to leave each other it broke both of you to the core, you both knew that day had to come, it was inevitable. Before you had gotten together, you already knew what your parents had planned for you, to send off to study at some prestigious overseas school, god knows how many hours away from your home, from him. Neither of you cared though, simply wanting to live in the moment, until that fateful day came and you both realised how painful it was going to be. Chocking back sobs as you walked away from him, feeling guilty for hurting him like this, and him crying his heart out as he watched your silhouette fade away.

For the first year or so, you both tried to keep in contact, messaging to each other, sending selfies, face timing, anything you could imagine and it was more than enough for either of you at the time.

However, as time went on, you got busy with school and he got busy with his debut, eventually, neither of you had the time. Eventually, both of you got used to the pain of not having each other and before you knew it, years had already passed.

——————————————————————————

The present day

It started out as a normal morning for yeonjun. He had awoken to the sounds of his members arguing over god knows what once again. He check his phone: 7.56am, well it was about time for him to wake up anyway.

Before he could lock his screen, he took a minute to appreciate his wallpaper, the most breathtaking sight he’s ever seen, and no, he wasn’t talking about the sunset in the background. He was referring to you.

Though it’s been years, he still admired you too much, his wallpaper hasn’t changed. It was still his favourite picture. It was you and him on a beach, together. The golden colours of the sunset behind you enhancing your already beautiful features. He remembered that day as if the picture was a book, reading him the memory.

~flashback~

The day started off like any other. Well, not really it was 11am and yeonjun decided to surprise you with an impromptu lunch date and went to your place to pick you up. Little did he know you were still asleep. He knew you treasured sleep, maybe even more than him, woops but it was almost noon!

He tried to reach you but you had the habit of turning your phone on to silent mode during the night so no matter how much he called, it wouldn’t go through. This resulted in him throwing small pebbles at your window, romeo and juliet style.

After a bit, you woke up, of course, who wouldn’t have been woken up by that irritating nois-, i mean romantic gesture. You went to the source of the noise that interrupted your slumber, opening your window, ready to throw the rocks back at whatever or whoever was there. However, when you saw your dear blue haired boy, all you could do was glare at him. You loved him, but it was true, you loved sleep just a ‘tiny’ bit more.

“Rapunzel, rapunzel, let down your hair!” He said in the most ‘prince charming’ voice he could, getting down on one knee to sell the act even more.

“Wrong fairy tale romeo!” You replied sarcastically, smirking as you held back your laughter. You rested your elbows at the legde of your window and continued to look down at the boy.

He pouted, “you could have at least played along!”

This caused you to laugh again, shaking your head. “Hold on I’ll be down in a sec!”

And you can probably guess it but the day ended with the both of you, barefoot on the beach, soft sand between you toes, hand in hand, walking in silence, simply appreciating the sound of the crashing waves and of course, each other.

tbh i could write an entire part just on this, should i? I think it’ll be cute ㅋㅋㅋ

~end~

He missed you... so, so much, every single day but that feeling of longing was already something he grew accustom to. He missed you, there hasn’t been a day when he didn’t. But for some reason, he was feeling it a lot more today.

He believed you would come back into his life one day and that was enough for him, for now. He believed you were meant to be and fate, as cruel as it may be sometimes, will bring you back together. No one has ever made him feel the same way you did and that was something he was willing to wait for no matter how long it took.

Eventually, his stomach growled, causing him to drag himself out of a bed for breakfast.

“Hyung, you’re awake!” Soobin greeted him as he walked out of his room.

“Yeah, good morning soobin,” he replied, groggily, rubbing his eyes as the got used to the light.

“Beomgyu and I wanted to head to the practice room early, if you want we could wait for you. Taehyun and Kai just left for school.”

“No it’s alright, thanks, you guys go on ahead. Ill be there around 9,” waving off Soobin’s offer, and headed to the kitchen to make himself some breakfast.

“Alright, we’ll see you later.”

“See you later, hyung!” Beomgyu added before shutting the door behind him and soobin.

He habitually lifted his phone, as it turned on automatically, it read 8.12am. He sighed. What was he expecting? A text from you? It’s been months since you last spoke, but i guess old habits die hard. He stood up, turning on silent and leaving his phone at the counter.

The members all knew what yeonjun went through when you parted ways. He wasn’t himself for a while, he wasn’t eating proper meals, he was messing up at practise, he wasn’t his cheerful, childish self. That faithful day had really taken a toll on him and it wasn’t until recently they starting seeing bits of the old him coming back. But the main thing missing, was the piece of him that he left with you, it was a part that wouldn’t come back until you did, no one knew how long that would be.

It was a quiet morning for yeonjun. With the others having already left, he was left alone with his thoughts. He remembered all the fun times you had together, all the laughs you shared, it made him smile fondely, but maybe remembering was more of a bad thing than good.

He felt as if his head was about to explode, what have you done to him? He decided to abandon his half eaten breakfast, throwing it in the sinj and went to have a quick shower instead. Maybe that could help clear his thoughts.

He let the water run, heating up, while he stripped himself of his clothes and stepped in. As the water hit his bare skin, he remembered the day you two had went to the water park with the other boys. He remembered how shy you were when you admitted to him that you couldn’t swim. How you would cling on to his arm in fears of him leaving you in the middle of the pool. And how he would threaten to let go, just to see you whine, panic and pout, in that order. He let out a frustrated groan, why was it hitting him so hard today?

Supporting himself against the glass panel, he stood there for a while, feeling the steam calm him down the tiniest bit. Looking as if he came straight out of a drama scene. Stepping out, he wrapped himself in a towel.

He cleaned off the condensation that formed on the mirror, seeing his reflection. It shocked him, he looked so out of it. He was out of it. He hardly recognised the person staring back at him, he left the bathroom and went to get dressed for the day, a basic oversized hoodie and sweatpants. Didn’t have to look too nice, nothing special was going to happen anyway.

Leaving the dorm, he grabbed his phone off of the counter, 8.50am, and headed for the practice room. Little did he know, his entire world was about to change in a matter of minutes.

He took his usual route to the building, stopping at the traffic light as he waited for the pixelated man to turn green. He stared at the ground as he bounced on his feet, patiently waiting, mind still racing with thoughts of you. His surrounding disappeared as he sunk in further.

He should have tried harder, he should have did more to convince you to stay, he should have-

*honk, honk*

The sudden obnoxious car honk knocked him out of his thoughts. He had half a mind to swear at the diver for doing that but almost as if by fate, the moment he looked up, he was rendered speechless. Across the street from him was a silhouette he would recognise anywhere.

.

.

.

=====================================

Sry this took me a while to write ㅠㅠ ive been sick for the past few days and generally i just had a hard time thinking of how to start this hah. But its done now and hope you like it!

[wizisbored]

What are some of your favorite lines you've written for your fics? (Also I'm sorry things aren't going well right now. Sending love 💜)

right its time to go diggin im using this as an excuse to reread everything because i cant think of any lines off the top of my head even though i know theres a shitton

premptively putting a cut here because this will probably end up long as shit and you know what fuck yea to that because fuck yea to being proud of what youve made

SO

hallelujah, first thing i posted:

If those bastards want to make her part of their shitty musical, then she’s going to make it difficult. Or at least inconvenient.

The hive is not inconvenienced in the slightest.’

- idk if this is as funny as i think it is but i find it funny

"Nobody dies with dignity, Emma. There's no honour in the thing, however you dress it up."

- wrote that to sound creepy and now i cant decide whether i actually think its true

But he’s holding her like she’s his salvation, as if it’s his life hanging in the balance.

- salvation is just a good word tbh

It’s hopeless, but she refuses to be killed by a game of fucking ‘got your nose’.

purgatory, intended to be a shitpost but now i unironically think of it as the best thing ive ever written

After a few years (or maybe seconds, it’s not clear) / it takes a moment (or maybe it doesn’t, who knows?) / An undocumentable amount of time passes. /  They might have slipped into an uneasy silence lasting millenia - or milliseconds - if it wasn’t for the jolly tune that suddenly fills the air. / for minutes or years or millenia or maybe even eons / After a brief, indescribably long nap / But the incomprehensible amount of time seems somehow shorter this time.

- 2 in one of fucking with the concept of time and hinting at an unreliable narrator, hell yea. its about the weird atmosphere, baybeeeee

“Does one day of trying the hardest we could outweigh years of not trying at all?” Emma wonders aloud. Paul squeezes her hand.

“I damn hope so.”

He doesn’t ask if she believes in Hell.

- even without context i like this line but in context it really helped set the sombre tone so i could do a full 180 at the end of the chapter

Emma wonders whether they’ve been sent to musical hell for failing to stop the musical apocalypse

- love the implication that there is a hell dedicated to annoying people via musical theatre

“You said- you told her you’d never be in a musical?”

“Yes.”

“And then you died performing a musical number?”

“I- yeah, I did.”

“Brilliant! Now, that is stupid!”

- probably my best characterisation of death, sounds like something that would be said in a stupid deaths bit, i can hear it in his voice

teachers pet

“It’s only blatant if people know about it. So in actual fact this is secret favouritism.”

- hidgens gives absolutely 0 shits about the ethics of the situation good for him

“And if that is kidnapping, well, consider yourself kidnapped.”

- once again ethics simply do not matter

“Oh, where is your sense of adventure? Are you not curious about the results of washing baked beans?”

- this line hants me when im trying to make stew or just have some fucking beans on toast because I am curious about the results of washing baked beans

“Well, if it isn’t, and we both die, then I’ll be quite disappointed. We did spend all evening on this, after all.”

- priorities

finishing what we started, actually originally a scrapped ending idea for igtlt that i liked too much to abandon entirely

“How many bullets?” He eventually asks.

“Enough.”

- they just know what theyve got to do

Only thing left to say is a big ol’ fuck you to… God, everyone else in the fucking world. Oh, and God. Fuck you God, you prick.

- gotta love them tto refs

wildfire, almost 20,000 words of angst that im going to read through because fuck it why not

She doesn't understand the order, at least not yet; a dog doesn't understand the first time she's called to heel. But that can change. Though, from the bared teeth of this dog, the trader guesses it may take a while.

- this is actually something i really like doing in narration, calling a character something in dialogue or comparison and then directly calling them it in the narration

He understands; she doesn't want to show weakness to someone who could exploit her, doesn't want to show gratitude to someone she hates. But the tribeswoman is tired and scared and hurt, and it's obvious. She's broken, at least for today.

The loneliness, however, refuses to wane. It settles in her chest like a physical need, a craving for closeness.

- got inspiration for this description by thinking about hugging my partner while i was stuck in lockdown

"You can say that again," the older woman mutters, shaking her head. "God-fuckin'-damnit, Lauren, why d'you never think about the implications?"

Jemilla turns to her with a questioning look. "Who's Lauren?"

"She-" Molag begins to explain, then pauses. She thinks for a moment, then shakes her head. "I don't even know."

- crossover jokes hell yea

He’s tolerable, she’s decided, at least relatively so, but not trustworthy. If she could truly trust him then he wouldn’t be involved in all this. If she could trust him, she wouldn’t know him.

The thinly-veiled threat in his grin

She stares up at the man, shaking, whimpering, pleading. Wordlessly begging for him to stop.

- gotta love reaching the breaking point

She probably looks insane, bruised and bloody and laughing quietly to herself in a cage. She doesn’t care. They can think she’s insane, just as long as they don’t think they broke her.

laughing as they rediscover half-forgotten days spent as children let loose in a world that seemed so huge and yet so small at the same time

“You know, kids like Zazzalil - scrawny little things born as Autumn died - they’re not supposed to see Spring.”

- i will see any character without a detailed fleshed-out backstory and say ‘is anyone going to make headcannons about that’ and then not wait for an answer

Maybe the pain will shock her out of her head.

im going to live twice

It feels more like a bag of broken crockery than a human.

- this was the only time ive ever had to describe something really gory and decided to make it as uncomfy as possible

she notices with a concerning level of non-concern

Paul Matthews is gone, boy. And if I catch you using a dead man’s name again, well.

- its about the ✨forced disconnect✨

It stares at him, and for a moment he sees the young man that Benny used to be, silently pleading for the agent to tell him he'll be okay.

"In my defence, that was the Colonel's idea.” The man raises his hands in surrender. “I wanted to call you Lauren. I was outvoted.”

- i will take literally any chance to make a 4th wall joke and that is a threat

“I’ll see what can be done,” he assures it, knowing full well that nothing will be.

- xander doesnt flat out abuse emma in the way mcnamara and shaffer do but hes still cruel in subtler ways

“No chance of being hurt?”

Xander nods. “No chance of you being hurt.”

-  ✨foreshadowing ✨

If only he was free, free to just get up and go find Blue and tell her - actually tell her, out loud, with words - that she’s going to be okay. If only he could say that and have it be the truth.

She holds onto that piano. Right now, as she kneels crying into the tabletop, it's all she has.

- ‘sir thats my emotional support near-complete stranger’

smoke and feathers

Irony can be a cruel, twisted bitch.

- probably the best opener ive written

There’s a sort of pathetic irony in the fact that she slipped on a stone while wading across a shallow stream and broke her neck.

The stars move across the sky, and she still doesn’t know why.

- sounds poetic and all while also being a fuck you to the chorn twist because i hate it

It seems like every time she looks away the moon goes from waxing to waning and back again, time marching onwards in one unending night, swallowing one unending forest.

Even with her limited view of the person’s face, Zazzalil can see the softness in their expression. She’s hit with a pang of longing for Jemilla.

They share those tender looks that make Zazzalil long for home.

The kind of silence only shared between people who can appreciate the simplicity of each other’s presence

aaand thats pretty much all of em. i know when you said ‘some’ you probably meant less than this but i will give a consice answer to a question when pigs fly. i was going to do the double e au too but its past 1 am now and im going to bed. thanks for this ask because whether intentionally or not you just made me read 48,860 words of fic and thats a damn good distraction when things are getting a bit shitty :)

[toziers]

i recently had to stop seeing my bf who purely bc of distance (hes still my best friend and we talk all the time and both of us are just busy being used to being single rn it was a big deal we were both really really in love he was like my first love). its rough bc i have feelings still for him, and a lot of media makes me feel like i should just wait for him or like if i move on our love was false. can you fall in love multiple times w/o invalidatin love that didn't really have a reason 2 end?

i don’t have a lot of experience being in love, but i have a lot of experience with the media surrounding it as well as watching people i know fall in and out of love, so that’s what i base my opinions on.

first of all, i don’t think you should compare your relationship to most media tbh. most of whats out there is romanticized and pumped full of unrealistic standards, dialogue, and situations. it’s just... not how life be. like yes there’s outliers and some good films/books/tv with honest interpretations of what love is like, but most of it? bad

and, along those lines, i’m gonna go out on a limb and say you really shouldn’t compare your individual experiences with love to... anyone else’s. yeah, things repeat, and there are patterns, etc, but what you’re going through will never be identical cut and paste to something someone else has been through. every love is unique, and should be treated as such.

i think you absolutely can fall in love with the same person multiple times in multiple ways over multiple years. people change and evolve just as their feelings do; just as love does. the way i loved and appreciated my mom is different for me now than it was when i was six and didn’t know anything more than “she gives me snacks and hugs so i love her”. i have a friend who i’ve had two or three falling outs with over the eight years ive known her, and every time we’ve come back together, the love we share has changed and moved around - but it’s still there. 

i think it’s hard to make all encompassing metaphors for love because love by nature is both incredibly simple and incredibly intricate, but if i were to put it into perspective, i’d say your heart is a house, and the people you hold love for are the furnishings inside. sometimes you get a really cool couch and it looks really nice in your living room for a long time, but after awhile it doesn’t quite match the rest of the decor. it doesn’t feel like the Right Couch anymore, so you let loose of it, but you know that it’s still a really cool couch. you want to get a new couch, because now your home feels empty without it, so you do; that doesn’t invalidate the couch you had before. it doesn’t mean you like it more or that it’s better or that you’re abandoning the other couch or anything, it’s just a new couch. a different couch. 

and maybe in a few years, after a few more home renovations, you find that the one thing your living room is missing is that cool couch from a few years ago. and when you move that couch back in, it feels right again, like home, and you forget what it was like to ever live without it.

in short; i think you should listen to your heart, as corny as it sounds. love bends and twists and grows and evolves and that’s okay. it’s okay that things aren’t the same anymore, but you shouldn’t feel pressured either to wait around or to move on. you should do what feels best for you and your heart. 

[vegetalass]

Veneno

its almost 5 am and i’ve been working on this for WEEKS and im sick of it!!!!! i think its the longest fic ive written in my life tbh...

I really wanted to play with the idea of a Sidestep who was manipulating herald, as I remember Malin mentioning multiple routes exploring a few different possibilities of treatments to the ROs. so this is my take on the manipulation theme!

partially inspired by my ex, who has a dumb nickname I never called him, and who once said to me “even if you can’t say it back, i’ll wait.” 

sorry for giving herald a cat. i was actually just describing mine lol. 

warning: contains Fallen Hero: Retribution spoilers, with sweets and drinking vice mentioned. 

HUGE thank you to @abyssopelagick and my friend GRUM!!!!!!! who i can honestly say i wouldn’t have been able to post without. ily both! 

FH:R belongs to @fallenhero-rebirth

Herald/gn!Reader - 2753 words

You knew it. You knew Herald used to be rich.

Maybe it was his perfect hair and blue eyes that gave it away, or the fact that he mentioned having a television as a kid. Maybe it was because he was so sweet and shy when you first met, that when you found the collection of pills beneath his bathroom counter when you went snooping through his stuff, that you realized you’d never even considered the fact that he’s probably never had to starve.

In retrospect, maybe it should’ve been a little more obvious after the first night you spent with him, and you should’ve taken better precautions to handle his delicate, loving nature, but so far you haven’t complained and you’re not about to start. Not only has everything worked out, but currently, you’re laying in the soft, old sheets of Herald’s bed, in his nice and clean apartment you can only describe as luxury.

Better than what you have. Better than what you had.

It makes you feel like a kid, the type with no concept for anything except longing. The kind of kid that reads books about bakers who sneak bread to dying girls, and blond princes who insist on liking someone their father hates.

And boy, does Herald like you.

He’s such a prim boy, if not just a sweet one. Kind, generous, loving, you name it. Anybody would be lucky to have him, and for now, that means you. The money is just a bonus, one that you could easily get used to.

Whether this has always the case, though, is another question. One that doesn’t matter much, because you find it’s just been nice to have been surprised as a telepath. Not to mention, you could always use the resources.

In some ways, it makes you want to laugh; to think that Herald knows nothing of your endeavors to kill him, and that all his good fortune can’t do a thing to stop you.

But in others, you feel like crying because he’s a boy who loves you and you have nothing left to offer in return.

You’ve decided not to mull on it. Because when he invites you to spend the night, and kisses you endlessly in that red-hot way, staying in his bed after is so comfortable and warm that it almost feels like the reason you don’t intend to get caught as a villain for a while.

So, you’ve been starting to come over to his place a lot recently.

It wasn’t intentional, your relationship with him. You always tried to tell him that it was Sidestep he was dreaming of, not this new you. But from the moment you let him kiss you on that day in HQ, and then later on that other night after your first date... it became harder and harder to stop yourself from growing quite… fond of him.

Even if it wasn’t planned.

Despite the mess that you’ve gotten tangled up in, in every possible way, it has been a really fun way to pass the time. Watching the way Herald dances around you as if you’re a breakable doll who’s done no wrong, even if he loves and trusts and admires you.

And the fact that you sometimes have emotional outbursts where you cry about disappointing him only adds to the effect of it all. It’s a risky but satisfying game, and even if part of it is genuine, you’re still a villain and have to remember the limits, though you don’t want to be evil all of the time. You might run out of luck.

Herald doesn’t know that, though. There’s actually a lot that he doesn’t.

Part of the fun is trying to guess how long you think all of this good might last. Because good things never last, do they?

But that’s no matter right now, and you shake your head from the thought, because the only person who has even dared to figure out your true nature is Herald’s cat, who hasn’t taken kindly to your presence since the start.

What a smart animal.

She’s a fat, old thing. A tabby, with piercing, green eyes. She was hiding on the first night you came over, probably busy licking herself and thinking that you were another romantic partner here to screw her Daniel over. She was right, but you just kept coming back.

Currently, she’s washing herself from her place on Herald’s dirty hoodie on the dresser across from you, looking up occasionally to hiss in what feels like a mocking, angry tone.

Re-Gene! Villain! I know what you’ve done, and you leave my Daniel out of it!

Tough shit, cat, though it’s still a shame she won’t let you pet her.

Not like you’re planning on moving out of bed, anyway.

It’s only in between your stints of dozing to the sound the sickly sounding auburn news anchor on the TV and mulling about whether sweets or a drink would taste better first, that you notice the approaching presence of Herald’s feather white aura growing closer, and realize that he must be in the building.

Even the now-napping cat seems to stir in acknowledgement before the both of you notice the sound of keys struggling in a locked door, as if you couldn’t try to pinpoint Herald’s exact location by entering his mind from your comfortable position with a little effort if you really wanted to try.

Immediately, the cat jumps from her comfortable perch to the floor, and rushes to the front door in an attempt to reach Herald halfway, get a scratch, and then rat you out as if he’d even listen if she could talk.

Either way, he’s home.

You can hear meows, and it’s easy to imagine how she tangles around his ankles as he squats to give her ears a good scritch. The pleasant imagery is interrupted too soon, though, as suddenly she yowls and you can hear the pit-pat of her feet as she rushes your way in her attempt to tattle on you.

“Oh, you,” you can hear him mutter at her as his footsteps echo in your direction before he hobbles into the room with a nasty limp. He looks about as close to someone who just got hit by a car and lived as someone possibly could, as his mess of gold hair is wind-blown and tangled, face bruised and dirty, and from the way his head is tilted down, must’ve been slouching for a while.

He looks... defeated, and you smile at the sight, hoping that you somehow look kind.

The cat continues to meow until Herald looks up, eyes widening in surprise when they finally meet your gaze, and despite his bad posture, or lack thereof from his aches, brightens immediately at your smile.

“Hi,” he breathes, finally standing up to throw his keys onto the little table resting by the door to his room.

“I wasn’t sure if I could let myself in-” You nod in his direction, before he interrupts you.

“Of course,” he blurts, almost too quickly, and then quickly looks away from your face when he finishes. “Always.”

You smile, feigning relief, even if you don’t really care.

Herald continues on, shuffling from where he’s standing to a dresser not far away, and you sit up in his bed to watch as he strips from his Ranger suit to reveal another handful of purple-blue wounds and scratches layered above his already scarred chest. He must be hurting.  

“Daniel...” you call to him in an attempt to seem worried, and he hums in acknowledgement, “Are you okay?”

He grunts, and in the silence that follows, the TV seems to grow louder in his place. You hadn’t realized that it switched from the weather special to a Los Diablos Breaking News! segment.

“Ranger spotted in successful attempt stopping local mob,” the smiling woman says, eyes blurred toward the camera as a clip of Herald handcuffing a man in a black jumpsuit takes over the screen.

You smile again because he’s a really good guy. A great one. And his fighting has been getting better.

Part of you wonders if it’s due to the fact that you’ve been training him, and the other part wonders if you should be worried. He’s always been someone who appears a lot weaker than he actually is. And you want to stoke the flame.

“You don’t have pull the tough guy act with me, Daniel,” you say to him, this time more forcefully.

You know he always notices when you use his real name, which is one of the reasons why you started using it. This time, you watch as he lowers the green shirt he’s been holding to his chest to look at you with those endless blue eyes and sigh wistfully.

“I get it, you know I do,” you try again, this time with the intent of at least getting him to open up.

You’re nervous, at first, scared of what he could say to you. That he knows you’re playing games, or that he doesn’t want you around anymore. But nothing has ever warranted this response in the past, so you wonder what’s happened to him to make him look at you like you just hit him over the head.

Ha.

You have hurt him. You even ruined one of his legs, but that was in the past, and it’s not like he knows that was you. If he did, you’d hope that he’d just be grateful enough to appreciate the fact that you didn’t kill him that night, too. He shouldn’t have any reason to look worried when you’ve just been here, lying in bed, silently waiting for him to join you, so you suppose you shouldn’t be worried either.

The TV speaks again.

“Impressive feat for the youngest member of the Rangers, who just under a year ago was taken down by the notorious Puppetmaster at their debut sighting.”

Herald is still paused, except this time, you notice his gaze has moved from you to the screen in front of him.

Though the news channel was initially spouting a success story, it’s no surprise that they’re now comparing Herald’s skills to when the both of you fought. It’s also not a surprise when the golden boy of the Rangers suddenly looks even smaller than before when he whips back around as to stop glaring at the news anchor as if she could even see him. You wonder what she would do if she could.  

You don’t speak.

“You know…” Herald starts, ignoring your previous words all together, “I’m worried about you.”

This doesn’t shock you, though not because you’re a telepath. He’s a naive boy, so of course he is worried, and because part of you cares about him in some twisted way, the good in you wishes that he wasn’t.

Worried or naive?

Both?

Deep down, you know he shouldn’t like you and you crave to tell him as such. To berate him, to beat it into him, to scream that he’s just a stupid, little boy in love with an animal who has a past he’d never understand. But it’s easy to stop yourself because you always do.

You hesitate to respond, but mutter back anyway. “Why?”  

You know he means it well, he means everything well, but the words come out harsher than you intended them to, and you quickly have to pat the spot next to you in bed to ensure that Herald thinks you’re not angry at him for simply… being him.

The little, sweet and young Sidestep that is still left in your heart is screaming to be kinder; telling you that you should just be happy that there is someone still cares for you and is able to show it. But there’s an ache in your heart, and suddenly the thought of both your past and your future make you feel like you have to get piss-shit drunk, puke all over yourself, and then immediately get heartburn.

So you decide to ignore the thought all together, and focus on the fact that Herald is now staring intently at you again. Only half-dressed (which is distracting), still, but staring nonetheless.

He tilts his face towards the ground to slouch once more, before whispering, “I just don’t want… them to come after you, too.”

“Oh, hush,” you say instantly, patting the bed again, before reaching out your arms for him to join you as he makes his way over. You know who he means, and the person already has.

You.

You are coming for yourself.

“Puppetmaster is growing very strong, when they learn you’re still around… they might-” He cannot finish the thought before he reaches the bed and ducks himself into your waiting arms.

You roll your eyes as you rest your cheek on his soft head. He really is a silly boy.

“I’ll be fine,” you say, into his hair, “I still have you, don’t I?”

He stays silent, so you continue the charade.

“You’re the one on the frontlines, so if anything, I’m the one who should be worried,” are your final words, before Herald cups your cheeks in his large palms in an attempt to kiss you. Before he makes it, however, you have to swat his face away because you can’t stop the laugh that bubbles deep from inside your chest at the realization of the situation.

Herald looks stunned, but smiles meekly in return when he decides you aren’t angry, and then laughs with you, even if he doesn’t get the joke.

“You’re silly, Daniel,” you say, settling with simplicity, because what do you say to the love who you’re lying to? What can you say, even if you kind of love them back?

But Herald, or maybe Daniel now (as you don’t much care which anymore), just blinks slow and smiles, content being held tightly in your arms.

You want to consider it strange, all this dedication to a person he doesn’t really know, this old Sidestep person, whoever they are, except that in a way, you realize, he does know you.

He knows the you that you have given him, this laughing kid, and in a sense, you truly believe that that’s not really you at all; because you just play this game too well, and he’s been wrapped around your finger from the start. You allowed for this, and you don’t want to say you regret it.

He’s a sweet boy. Always has been. And he never fails to surprise you.

“I love you,” he declares suddenly, voice quiet, sweet, and calming.

And you’re shocked. Not because you didn’t know that, but because you weren’t expecting to really care. And underneath his covers, everything seems three times as sweet. You weren’t expecting to be flattered, and there’s a part of you doesn't even mind. Another thing you could easily get used to. So responding is easy.

“Thank you, Daniel. I mean it.”

And he nods, still cuddled against your heart, your tattoos, looking at you like someone who could truly be loved. He is smiling all the while, too.

“Even if you can’t say it back, I’ll wait,” he says, lips barely curled, blue eyes sparkling.

It’s a nice gesture: this sudden, heartfelt proclamation, but you can’t say it’s one you deserve, as you have been so cruel to both him and yourself. Even though the Sidestep in you would rather jump off a roof, crash, and die before breaking his heart, you have long since realized that there is still a villain inside you that is hungry to laugh and cheer when Herald finds out who really tore him apart on that night at the museum.

You’d feel worse, but that day really was amazing. Finally making yourself proud, even at his expense.

However, the thought quickly escapes you, as this time, when he leans over to kiss you, you let him. His lips are warm on yours, and as you find your fingers tangled in his hair, for a second, it almost feels as though this relationship wasn’t built on a lie.  

“I know,” you respond, smiling sweetly at him for once, genuinely, because even if could change your behavior, you cannot help your pride, and you cannot help your heart.

And when you’re going to break his anyway, even though you know you should stop this mess, because a small part of you loves him, you might as well make sure it hurts.