#this one’s been like really good with me self projecting and trying to heal I guess | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

tarotwithavi · 2 months ago

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What is coming into your life?

+ some messages that you need to hear

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

How to choose a pile?

Close your eyes and take a deep breath and ask the angels to show you the right pile for you and open your eyes. The first pile that catches your attention is the right pile for you.

This is a general reading so take what resonates and leave the rest.

Masterlist

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Thank you so much for your love and support 💕🫶🏻

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

Pile 1

The first thing I’m getting is that many of you have been focusing on personal growth, and it’s paying off. I see a lot of you realizing that you’re truly capable of achieving anything you set your mind to. You’re stepping into a powerful energy of self-confidence and self-love, and this shift is going to attract a lot of good things into your life.

Keep your eyes open for new ideas, projects, or invitations that come your way. Whether it’s a sudden thought or an offer to attend an event, these opportunities could be really beneficial for you. Trust your instincts.

Some of you might be considering doing something that no one in your family has done before. This could be a bold move or a unique choice. I want to encourage you to take that leap. By doing so, you will break a cycle of family patterns, especially around standing up for yourself and your dreams. It’s a brave step, but it’s one that will bring healing and growth.

I’m also picking up that some of you will soon spend quality time with an important male figure in your life. This could be your father, grandfather, or someone you look up to with strong masculine energy. This time together will feel meaningful and may even strengthen your relationship. Some of you are thinking about having an important conversation with your parents. This could be about expressing gratitude for everything they’ve done for you, or it could be about something else on your mind. Either way, I see this discussion changing perspectives in a positive way, bringing deeper understanding.

I also sense that many of you will receive a new opportunity related to making more money. This might come through a job offer, a project, or a chance to use your talents in a way that allows you to earn from them. This is a great time to explore how your skills can be turned into something valuable.

However, I do feel that some of you are worried or stressed about something, particularly when it comes to the outcome of an exam, test, or project. Let me reassure you—you don’t need to worry. The results will be positive, and you’ll feel satisfied with how things turn out.

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

Pile 2

You need to stop giving your time and energy to people who don’t appreciate or value you. If you are in a position where you can protect and care for the people you love, then do so without overthinking the outcome. However, if you’re not in a place to make decisions for them, it’s important not to try and control everything. Remember, before you can protect or help others, you need to protect yourself first. Secure your own place, take care of your own well-being, and then you can support those around you.

It’s also important to understand that you don’t always have to be strong. It’s okay to just be yourself. You don’t need to carry the weight of everyone else’s problems. Be honest about how you feel, and don’t be afraid to show vulnerability.

I see that many of you are incredibly talented, with unique skills and gifts. But what’s holding you back is your own self-doubt. You might feel like your talents won’t be appreciated or recognized, so you keep them hidden. But how will you ever find people who truly appreciate you if you don’t share what makes you special? Take this as a sign to put yourself out there. Show your talents to the world so you can connect with those who truly see your worth and value your skills.

For some of you, there’s a big change coming. You may be pushed in a new direction or forced to change the path you’re currently on because it’s no longer good for you. Don’t see this as a bad thing; instead, view it as an opportunity for growth and self-improvement. This change could lead you to a better version of yourself.

I also sense that some of you are stuck in a confusing or unstable relationship. The person you’re talking to or have feelings for might be giving you mixed signals , one moment they seem totally in love with you, and the next, they act like you don’t matter to them. If this is the case, it’s important to recognize that this is not a healthy situation. When someone’s actions make you doubt yourself, it’s a clear sign that something isn’t right. It’s better to walk away now, before it hurts you more in the long run.

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

Pile 3

I see that in the coming weeks, you’re going to need to work very hard on something important. This could be related to a project, job, or personal goal you’ve been focused on. However, all this hard work might take a toll on your health, so it’s important to be extra careful and take good care of yourself. Don’t push yourself too hard. If you feel stressed or overwhelmed, make sure to take small breaks when needed. Remember, it’s okay to slow down sometimes.

The good news is that what you’re working on ; whether it’s something you’re involved with now or something you’ll start soon , is something you’ve been wanting for a long time. You’ve probably dreamed about this moment, so stay positive and trust the process.

I feel the need to remind you that you are deeply loved by the higher power, whether you believe in God, the universe, or Mother Nature. No matter how many mistakes you make or how unworthy you may feel at times, you are always loved and supported. You are part of something greater, and that love is unconditional.

Now, take a moment to think of a yes-or-no question that’s been on your mind. The answer to that question is “no.” This might be the guidance you need to help you move forward.

Back to the main message, something significant is going to happen within the next few weeks. I would say by the end of this month or the first week of October, you’ll experience an event that will bring up strong emotions. It could be overwhelming happiness or sadness, but either way, the feelings will be intense. Be prepared, and try not to let the situation control how you react. Stay calm and centered, no matter what comes your way.

Also, a little advice: some of you need to wear more yellow or add yellow to your wardrobe. This color might bring positive energy into your life. If you’ve been feeling unwell, like having a fever or headache, I see that it will likely pass within 48 hours. But if you’ve been having constant headaches, don’t ignore them ,it might be time to see a doctor just to be safe.

Lastly, angel wings and a purple or pink dress will be meaningful symbols for you, so keep an eye out for them. They might show up in your life in some special way.

I also feel like adding this

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

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aphrogeneias · 10 months ago

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...right? — one-shot

pairing: eddie munson x fem!reader (modern!au)

summary: you're not sure of where you stand with eddie munson, but you're forced to confront your feelings after almost losing him.

word count: 3k

warnings: fluff and angst with a happy ending. jealous!reader. feelings of self-doubt. eddie munson is a sweetheart.

author's note: this one has been a long time in the making, and it may be a little melodramatic, but i'm doing a lot of self-projecting here, so be nice. thank you to @intrepidacious for reading it for me and giving me your approval <3 i'm sorry to all the girls named emma reading this, but i had to give that character a name.

We're performing tonight, if you want to stop by.

You'd been staring at this message for a couple of minutes now, unsure of what to do. You seemed to be in this dilemma a lot, as of late — to answer or not to answer, to show or not to show.

Too scared to show how you felt, but too scared to lose him at the same time.

Zoned out, you caught Robin’s hand flying in your direction from your peripheral. “Stop looking at your phone!”

She snatched it from your hand, still open in your conversation with Eddie. Robin whistled when she took a look at your screen, “Oh, I see. How are things with Mr. Headbanger?”

“You're talking to Eddie?” Chrissy chimed in from her side of the bed, lifting herself on one elbow to see you better with Robin between you.

The three of you had been like this all night, spread out on Chrissy’s queen bed, a sequence of old romantic comedies playing on her TV. There was an empty pizza box on her fuzzy carpet, and a half finished bottle of wine next to it, the second of the night.

You groan, trying to get your phone back to no avail. “Things have been… well, I think. Too well. I guess I've just been waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

Then, it was their time to groan.

Your friends like calling you jaded, but you consider yourself a realist.

It's been a topic of conversation between you for years. Ever since your last relationship ended, after you'd been left for another woman, when you swore off love for good — at first, they thought you were just grieving, it would take time to heal, of course, but you never really did.

You don't think you've ever been anything other than an open wound, in that sense, even before your ex. The high walls that were meant to protect you eventually became a prison you couldn't get out of. A princess and a dragon, all in one.

That is until Eddie Munson came into your life.

No one's ever made you want to drop those walls as much as he does. You'd met him through Chrissy, who’d been his friend since high school, and at first you thought he wasn't really flirting with you. He seemed to always be flirting with everyone, always getting a little too close. Until he asked you out, and you were still not convinced.

It could be a friend date. He could be after one of other friends. Maybe he was just passing time until he found someone better.

That was a few months ago, and Eddie hasn't gone anywhere.

He had a few shirts on your place, merch from various bands which you were growing fond of listening to them in his car. Shirts you would wear to bed when he wasn't spending the night, curling into bed with his smell on you. He'd made friends with your cat, and fixed your coffee in the morning the way you liked it, and left strands of hair loose in your shower.

A brave knight, that Eddie is.

Despite your closeness, and the honesty you see in his eyes whenever you're near him, neither one of you has put a name on what you have. It keeps you up at night, thoughts about calling him your boyfriend and have him laughing at your face. How could you be so stupid?

The thought of it brings tears to your eyes.

“What if that's it, though?” Chrissy interjects, with a gentle voice. Her small hand reached for yours, and gives it a reassuring squeeze. “What if there's no other intentions, no other shoe to drop? You have no reason not to trust him.”

“You say that because he's your friend.”

“Chris is right, babe.” Robin says, sitting straighter on the bed. “He’s never given you any reason to think like that. You need to let yourself go, just this once.”

You sigh, and mumble something along the lines of “Easier said than done,” as you sit up and pull your knees to rest your chin on them.

“You should go, by the way.”

Robin reaches to you with your phone in hand, handling it back to you. Her blue eyes are kind, understanding. Chrissy smiles from her place between you.

“Our local rockstar is waiting for you.”

You respond Eddie with a short omw <3 before your friends are pushing you out of your stupor, and into the street.

They’ve already finished their set by the time you arrive at The Hideout.

You're dressed entirely inappropriate for a dive bar full of metalheads and middle-aged bikers, but you don't let yourself think too much about it because no one really notices you coming in, except for the bouncer who compliments you on your old college sweatshirt.

The night is well beyond starting. The bar is full, and it takes you a while to find Eddie, but when you do, he finds you immediately.

He's at the foot of the stage, talking to his friends. The rest of the band is around too, and you wave at them as Eddie makes his way towards you. The smile that pulls on your lips is uncontrollable when he, with an excited smile of his own, takes you in his arms, wrapping himself around you. “Hi! You just missed the show!”

“I'm sorry! I was at Chrissy’s.”

You take a second to look at him closely. His wild hair is a little damp, and his Accept shirt has the sleeves cut off, which shows more of his tattoos. There's a studded belt on his hips, and you don't think too much before pulling him closer by it.

Eddie kisses you on the forehead, and his lips linger a little bit before pulling away. “Did you tell her I said hi?”

“Forgot to. But next time I'll make sure to send your regards.”

When he's close like this, you almost forget your doubts. When his arm is around your shoulders and he's pulling you close, the smell of his cologne and the last cigarette he smoked before going on stage cling to you, and you cling to it in turn.

“Good, and make sure to arrive on time next time too because we played your favorite and you weren't here.” He pouts dramatically, putting one hand to his chest.

The gasp you let out matches it. “Metal Health? Eddie, no!”

“Eddie, yes!” He shakes you a little, turning you in the direction of the tables. “We played Quiet Riot, and you weren't here to see it. Have to say I'm a little disappointed, sweetheart.”

Walking along with him, you stop when you reach a vacant booth on the corner. Turning to face him fully, you leave a soft kiss on his stubbled chin. “I guess you'll just have to keep playing it, then.”

“Does that mean you'll come to every show?”

There's no space between the two of you, standing chest to chest with each other. The rest of the bar disappears. “I might, if you'll have me.”

“Baby, I'll…”

The bubble you find yourselves in shatters and breaks when Eddie stutters, and turns, because there is someone poking him on the back, disturbing your moment. It's a woman, asking to speak to him.

You don't really register what she's saying. All you know is that you've seen her around before, and you know she's friends with the guys. Eddie apologizes to you as he's being dragged away for a private conversation. “I'll be right back! Don't go far.”

Nodding, you remain frozen in place.

They don't go far, but you can't really tell what they're talking about, but her hand on his forearm, slowly rising to his bicep, tells you everything you need to know.

You don't realize it but you're shaking a little bit, cold sweat prickling through your suddenly frigid skin. There's a ringing in your ears, and a lump growing in your throat, but you can't stop yourself from looking.

He looks beautiful like this. The light from the now empty stage hits his figure from the back, making him look every bit like the rock god he's always aspired to be. The frizz on his hair creates a halo around his head, and you think you might faint.

To his credit, he doesn't get any closer to the girl. Doesn't flirt back. His smile is polite, and he maintains a sensible distance, but that's not enough to ease your mind.

He's only keeping a distance because you're here. Your mind says, always the traitor. You're holding him back. He could be making out with a different girl every night. Maybe he is. Maybe he is and you're none the wiser. Better walk away now. Go, before your heart breaks.

It's already breaking, and you're the culprit.

You almost don't notice Eddie return to you, as your vision’s gone blurry.

“Sorry, Emma wanted to invite me to an after party. Told her I was busy.” There it was, his easy smile again. From a first look, you wouldn't think Eddie Munson smiles so easily, but it's always there, pulling on his full lips and showing off his dimples.

You would smile back, as usual, but it's like your face can't move.

“Just you?” You ask, “Not the rest of the boys?”

He laughs, but there's not much humor behind it. “Just me.”

“Aren’t you gonna say anything?” He is still grinning, raising one eyebrow at you, as if taunting you to speak up. Something rotten spreads through your insides, stirring them, rising like bile right through your opened mouth.

“Say what? It's not like we're dating, Eddie."

If regret could kill, you would be dead the moment you saw his face fall. Eddie's expressiveness is a double-edged sword — his happiness was contagious, but when he’s upset, there is nothing that could distract you from the way his bambi eyes plead to you.

You double down anyway, already feeling like a fool, but too stubborn to take back what you said.

"...right?"

“Is that what you think?” He asks, a pout on his pretty lips. “Is that what you want?”

“I… I don't know.” Your mouth is moving, but it's like you don't have control over what you're saying anymore. Like you can't even hear yourself, too taken by the dread that has taken over your body. “I think… What do you think?”

You throw the question back at him because you can't be the first one to say it. Because if he backs out, if you say what you really want — and it's him, he's all you've ever wanted, and the realization hits you like a punch to the gut — and he says it's never been quite like that, that he doesn't want you the same way, that he's just been passing the time, you would break.

Eddie looks away from you, then. His fingers pinch the bridge of his nose, “You're not sure what you want, is that what you're telling me?”

“No! No, it's not like that.” You almost choke on your own spit, “I'm just…”

Scared. Of opening your heart, of rejection, of him leaving when he learns how much you want him, need him.

“If you're not sure of what you want, I think you should take some time to think about it.”

“But, Eddie, I…”

“Think about it, and call me when you know.”

One of his hands goes to your shoulder, squeezing it, and briefly running thumb over the fabric of your sweatshirt. He's turning around before you can stay anything, the lump in your throat too big to allow you to speak.

The room feels like it's turning upside down as you turn the other way, towards the door. It turns and turns on its axis, and you almost lose your balance as you're making your way out. You wave halfheartedly at the bouncer, who waves back at you in the middle of his conversation with a green haired girl.

Walking home, you have time to think of what you'd just done.

As the tears roll freely through your face, and you wipe them with the end of your sleeves, you think of Eddie’s sullen face, once full of life, now transpiring his disappointment in you. You'd let him down, and it was all your fault.

In an attempt to protect yourself, you pushed him away.

You imagine him back at the bar, with the boys. With Emma, ready to console him after what you just did to him. The thought of it just makes you cry harder, trying to control your breathing as you get closer to your apartment.

You did what you always do. Leave first, turn your back, clam up back into your shell. You just never thought you'd do that to him.

It doesn't take long until you spiral.

You did all you could after you got home. Tried to breathe, but it only made you cry harder. Curled up on the couch with your cat, a brown tabby that curled herself right back into you, and cried until there were no tears left. Ignored your friends’ messages on your phone, pretending everything was all right.

Tried to drink, but felt too sad to even open your fridge. Ran into one of Eddie’s hoodies hanging from the back of a chair in your room, and felt more tears coming, but no strength to cry.

Everything in your room reminded you of him — your unmade bed where he'd be lying on if you didn't screw up, the fantasy book he'd let you borrow on your bedside table, a polaroid of the two of you with your arms around each other serving as a bookmark.

You pick your phone, and it rings and rings. He doesn't answer. In a moment of panic, you leave a message instead, pacing through your room on your bare feet, still wearing the clothes you went out in. The cat on your bed follows your movements with her eyes.

“Hi, Eddie. I… You might not even want to hear from me right now, and I get that. Really, I do, but… You just need to know I know I fucked up. I didn't mean to do you like that, I didn't mean to say those things to you.”

Your voice trembles, just like the hand that's holding your phone to your mouth, but you keep going, “Of course we're dating, we've been dating for a while now. I was too scared to say anything because we never put a label on it and I thought you didn't want anything with me, I guess I just didn't want to be the first one to say it in case you decided this wasn't… that I wasn't… what you wanted.”

There's a few seconds pause as you take a deep breath, and release it in an anguished sigh. “What I'm trying to say is… that I like you. A lot. Have since the beginning. And I understand if you didn't want anything to do with me anymore because of what I just did, but… if you still want to talk, I'm… I'm still here, okay? I'm still here.”

When you're finished, you throw your phone back on your bed, and wait.

You're still pacing around the house, a mug full of tea in hand, when you hear your phone vibrating on your bed. You almost don't pick it up, but you do anyway.

Two notifications from Eddie.

Can I come over?

Are you still up?

Hands shaking, you answer with a simple Yeah. Key’s on the carpet.

The clock on your screen says it's 2:22 AM.

You hear your door opening not too long after that, the spare key turning on the lock, as you're sitting on the couch, writing like a kid that's to be scolded when their parents come home. The mug of tea is half empty at your feet, and now cold, just as your nervous hands as Eddie comes through the door.

Wearing a Metallica sweatshirt, an older one that you've borrowed before, one you know how soft it feels on the skin, he comes in and silently closes the door behind him, leaving the key on a small ceramic plate by it.

You cave in before he can say anything. “I'm sorry.”

Your chin is wobbling again, but you swallow it down, not wanting to make a scene. Eddie comes closer, and sits next to you, careful not to kick the mug that you left carelessly on the floor.

“No, I'm sorry. I should have said something, I should have told you what you meant to me sooner. You know… I've been calling you my girlfriend to everyone but to the person who matters the most.”

“Everyone?” You repeat, “Everyone who?”

“The guys. At work. Wayne…”

“You told your uncle I'm your girlfriend?” The word feels foreign in your tongue, but not unpleasant. Eddie looks sheepish, but the corner of his mouth twitches and lifts just a bit, one of those dimples you love making an appearance in your dimly lit living room.

“Yeah. Like I said, everyone but the one who matters the most.”

There it is. That earnestness, pouring through him, warming you up from the inside out.

“And I guess… Am I the person you mean?”

“Who else would it be?” He's tilting his head now, kind eyes aimed at you. You huff a weak laugh, them, relief hitting you in waves. Not thinking too much, you throw yourself at him, hugging him by the shoulders, and folding your legs under your thighs to be closer to him.

“I'm still sorry, though. Sorry that I made you think I had doubts, or that I…”

Eddie doesn't let you finish, shushing you with a hand on the back of your head, and another wrapping around your waist, keeping you in place. “It's okay, sweetheart. I'm sorry too.”

“Since we're both sorry, does anyone have to be sorry at all?” You mumble into his shoulder, taking in his smell through his clothes. It soothes you more than anything can, along with his voice vibrating through his chest, and the warmth of his body clinging to yours.

“I think we can discuss the details in the morning.”

He seals it with a kiss to your temple. You and your boyfriend sleep on that same couch, and in the morning, there is nothing left to say.

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson angst #eddie munson fanfic

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writteninlunarlight-years · 5 months ago

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Sorry this request might be a little weird; Im gonna try and word it best I can. Can you do something with Alastor and the reader, who very slowly and maybe unintentionally became friends; where Alastor confesses his feelings and how much he cares for the reader... But the reader doesnt take him seriously? The reader basically doesnt think he is actually interested in dating them. The reader thinks its a joke, he is just trying to use them, or otherwise just trying to get something out of them. Not in like a distrustful way either. The reader has the attitude of 'oh yeah. The great radio demon who has girls falling at his feet and can get ANYONE he wants is interested in me? Right, good one.' Like its a self-esteem/self-worth thing stopping them from believing him. Oh and this is for Hazbin Hotel obviously, but just in case I had to say it.

Please Please Please~

(This honestly was me projecting because this is me anytime someone shows interest in me. I have horrible self-esteem issues lol)

When you woke in hell, you thought nothing of it, really. You did some good, and you sure did some bad, so maybe this was exactly where you were always supposed to be. You had no anger or frustration about your placement because you simply couldn’t care enough. Heaven or hell, you probably would still be fighting for something. If anything, you hoped you would just fall asleep in death, but where would the fun in that be?

Upon your arrival, a few things became quite clear: 1. It was a dog-eat-dog world here in hell, so be prepared for anything. 2. The more souls you own, the more powerful you are, so start making some friends to make just as many enemies. 3. You will always be less powerful and popular than the TV head and the Radio Demon.

The only downside is you never got to meet this Radio Demon. He had been missing for seven years, according to the streets, and long gone, but still, he was the talk of countless women and men, especially Vox. This wasn’t a surprise, though; how people explained his rise to power was even more impressive and unique to you. He would one day be a formidable foe if you crossed him, or would he? The last extermination was killer. Half your souls had been killed off, and you were left a lot weaker from an injury caused by angelic steel. A slash was going straight across your back from a poorly-timed dodge. You weren’t bad at fighting; you weren't good at it either. Usually, during exterminations, you would hide at the Vee’s tower or another notable place. However, unsurprisingly, you were kicked out after your loud denial of working with the Vees.

Seeking refuge at the next best place, you stumbled upon the Hazbin Hotel. Delirious and in pain, it was indeed just a stumble into the lobby. Upon entering, you saw an excited and concerned blonde chick, someone with a spear, and then all that was left was just red—beautiful crimson red.

Some days had to have passed; you only know this because your wounds were wrapped up, and the calendar in the room you were placed in had days since the extermination marked off. Five days you spent asleep resting and recouping. Though your body was mainly healed, the scar you saw on your back when you stood was anything but attractive. Sighing, you sat on the cold bathroom floor.

You were never much of a beauty in your mind. You were just simply good enough. Sometimes, you could seduce a soul into your clutches, win a soul gambling, and sometimes gain one from fighting—a jack of all trades, master of none. Yet now, your value has significantly decreased with a giant scare running across the expanse of your back. Sighing, you stood once more and decided you would figure out where the hell you were and who was stupidly kind enough to help you.

With your top half fully bandaged, you didn’t think about putting on a shirt. The idea of anything rubbing on your wound annoyed you greatly. So, being mindful of potential others, you walked around carefully, ensuring your bandages were tight. Looking around, it was a reasonably average hotel. Nothing was too crazy about it; it just had some eerie decor at the most.

Rounding the last corner, you found stairs that opened up to the lobby, and dear lord, above did you wish you stayed in your room. A loud, cheerful presence came bombarding you, shouting a hundred questions about your health, your name, and what happened. You almost wanted to retreat into the shadows at how brightly she shone when you agreed to stay at her hotel and take a shot at redemption.

You met the residents quickly after that. It's not like you had much of a choice anyway. Surprisingly, the one you clicked with the most was the famed Alastor, the Radio Demon. How you two clicked was beyond everyone, besides the fact you were cunning and a silver tongue speaker like the man himself. Maybe that is why he found you amusing and watched you work your magic on lulling Husk even into a secure enough place to talk to you.

His lack of asking for your soul surprised you more than anything. Though you knew Charlie had her rules in the hotel, that didn’t dissuade the Deer from making his own choices. You commended him for his poise and regality; you understood why he was the talk of the town even when Vox was trying so hard to be the new it boy. Alastor was handsome in a nonconventional way; he was refined, elegant, and poised. He treated women like a gentlemen and men like they were just one step below him.

You wouldn’t lie to yourself and say you weren't enamored; you liked him a lot from just the first handful of conversations. However, one late night really sealed the nail in your coffin of love for the affamed Overlord. You two were sitting on the lobby chair, the long-forgotten bar, and a nursed bottle of Whiskey between you two. Each new glass only brought you two closer, having a lot of similarities.

You also killed upon your time on earth as a means to protect the ones you cared about and end those who acted foolishly like them. You also died an untimely death at the hands of something out of your control. You were both quick-witted and capable of compelling those around you with your voice and words. The only significant difference was he was an Overlord, a beautiful, attractive overlord. At the same time, you were just a sinner with a few damned souls that saw potential in you.

After that night, you and Alastor grew a lot closer. You would even dare to call him your best friend, knowing that nothing more would ever come of your two relationship past that. Not only was Alastor continuously turning women and men down left and right, but Angel was convinced the man didn’t know what romance or sex was. You couldn’t help but agree with him as every beautiful person who crossed his path was quickly shooed away or disposed of.

As the Adam-led extermination approached, you noticed Alastor took a particular interest in your training. You were opting for him to train you and approve your placement on the battlefield. Your heart soared at his kindness, but you didn’t want to get your hopes up. He didn’t want to lose a like-minded friend, which was all this was. As you all prepared for the event, his sudden and lingering hug was just him being worried about a friend.

You would do and say anything to convince yourself he just saw you as a friend, even as he scolded you for your injuries after the battle. He just cared a lot about his best friend. You were nothing comparative in power and prestige as Alastor was, so he would never see you as more. This was all just a fond kindness he used with Niffty, Roise, and Mimzy. You wouldn’t allow yourself to be a fool and believe anything more would happen.

As your affection grew for the Radio Demon, so did your self-doubt and negative self-esteem. You didn’t want to embarrass yourself like Mimzy, pining after a demon that would never love you. Your nights at the bar became more and more apparent enough that Husk took to talking to you and trying to help you out. This didn’t go unnoticed by the boss of said man. No, instead, jealousy was brewing inside of him, watching you grow closer to the cat demon. Jealousy that was soon to reach a head.

Alastor was utterly infatuated with you. You were a perfect mix of normalcy and insanity, something he admired dearly. You were not overbearing or clingy like Mimzy, not psychotic and wild like Niffty, and not motherly and borderline insane like Rosie. No, you were a perfect combination of what he loved in all his dear friends. That’s all you were right, a dear friend. It didn’t help that you stopped spending time with him and hanging around Husk; he grew irate.

He needed help and fast; who better to turn to than his motherly companion, Rosie? Wanting to get you out of Husk's grasp, though he invited you along on the trip. It was pleasant. You wrapped around his arm as he led you through the streets, up until cannibal town people cowering at your feet. Once in cannibal town, though, the women came flocking. He was used to this, declining, pushing people away, and even allowing his shadows a meal or two. However, the frown on your face was the least of his expectations. He hadn’t long to question it before you two arrived at Rosie’s Emporium.

As you two entered, you were immediately enamored with all of the goods Rosie had sold. Once quick introductions were out of the way, Alastor approached the side table to speak with his friend while you looked around more. His worries and fears were confirmed, though; he was, in fact, in love with you. Alastor wasn’t one to skimp on charm; he was a gentleman who would court you properly.

After your visit to Rosies, you noticed a new change in Alastor. He was quite literally everywhere you were. You couldn’t get far without him complimenting you, giving you a gift, or asking you to accompany him on errands. You figured that your time secluding and hanging out with Husk might have made him think you didn’t want to be friends anymore. So, with a smile, you welcomed this change and stuck through it. Why not accept his doting behavior before he finally broke your heart and said he didn’t like dating or got a partner?

This went on for months. The lingering touches, longer hugs, late-night talks, gifts galore, and, most importantly, him letting his guard down around you made you feel special. According to Husk, he hasn't done this with any of his other close friends. This made you almost hope that there was something more. Alastor had countless options, though, so of course, he would never choose you. Why would you allow him to embarrass you like that?

After six months of pursuing you, Alastor believed he had amply courted you. He had enlisted the help of Charlie and Vaggie to set up the lobby so he could ask you to be his officially. The room was perfect: low lighting, candles, your favorite flowers, and food placed out. All that was missing was you there on his arm. He knew it was perfect for you, everything to your heart's desire.

You were in shock as you entered the lobby after an impromptu errand Charlie needed to be done. You couldn’t even begin to understand what was going on. As you walked in, you saw Alastor sitting at the table before you, a large smile on his face. You looked at him quizically. “Uh, Al, what is all this?” He looked around awkwardly—that was the first time you saw that expression. “Well, Y/N, what does it look like? Of course, it's a date for us, in the hotel's safety.” You scrunched up your eyebrows, trying to process his words. “A date?” He seemed to be growing more tense by the moment; he expected you to be happy and excited, and you seemed to like his courting so much. “Yes, dear, we have been courting for some time now, which leads me to believe you were ready for a date. Was I mistaken?” You were taken aback. Are you courting? When did that happen? You looked at Alastor, trying to piece together the puzzles. Could he have liked you all this time? No, there is no way; he had so many options, so many better, less disfigured options. “Al, are you waiting for a different girl? Is this some like practice run for a person you want to date? You shouldn’t play with me like this. It’s not nice.” Alastor looked genuinely upset, only momentarily before his signature smile returned. “No, Y/N. This is for you. I have been courting you. Did you not realize my advances towards you? I have been avidly seeking you and you alone out.” You started to tear up. You wanted to believe him; you did, but it was hard. You weren’t the best; you weren’t the strongest. You had nothing going for you than surviving hell each day. “What, no? What do you mean? You can’t mean me. I am nothing, Alastor. I am nothing; I would just be embarrassing you. You are a powerful Overlord—a handsome, sought-after man. I am nothing. I am just here a sinner designed to fight through hell, that is all.” Alastor began to realize what you were getting at. You didn’t see yourself as being good enough for him. He never learned the toll you put yourself through watching person after person fall to his feet. You were watching him turn them all away and go about his day. You thought he was going to do the same to you. You thought you would never be good enough for him when you have always been what he wanted all along.

“Oh, Y/N, no.” He rushed over to you, holding you close. Even as you fought to push him away, he stayed holding you close until you calmed. “Y/N, it has always been you. Yes, I am rough around the edges and have high expectations, but you meet them, Y/N. Can you not see how close and compatible we are since the day you moved in?” You stilled and listened. Could it be true that he liked you too this whole time? What if this was some sick prank to torture you? You looked up at Alastor, a genuine smile replacing his normal, calculated one. “Alastor, if I agree with this, you won't hurt me, right?” He sighed and held you close. “I can’t promise not to hurt you; I am an overlord and a selfish creature. However, I promise never to lie, cheat, or steal from you. I choose to love you and you alone, Y/N.” You smiled brightly and reached up, kissing his lips softly. His arms snaked around your waist as he deepened the kiss, and both of you closed your eyes. You could easily get used to being the top overlord's girl.

Just please, please, please let him prove you wrong…

#x reader #lunarwritings #moons #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel x you #hazbin hotel imagine #alastor x reader #alastor x you #alastor x reader fluff #alastor x you fluff #hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin alastor #alastor imagine #alastor fluff #alastor #alastor the radio demon #the radio demon

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brokenpieces-72 · 3 months ago

Note

Could I request a Gotham Knights request where r is the youngest knight who struggles with self-confidence and takes a hit for the knights when out on patrol due to this and they go big sibling mode?

Nice to see a request from another fandom. If I misunderstood the wording let me know, but I’m assuming the reader takes a hit for the knight and the knight goes big sibling mode.

Squire

You’re the youngest, the smallest, and the easiest to be tossed around. You have good instincts where it counts but you’re not always sure of yourself. During the day, you struggle with standing up for yourself, because sometimes you think they’re right. It’s started to affect your night life a little, putting doubt in your mind which affects your performance. This behaviour doesn’t go unnoticed.

Barbara notices almost immediately, as you keep returning to the clocktower with more scrapes and bruises. She sees you training plenty, so she knows you can drop some of those goons like a bad habit. You spar with the others too. What was going on?

When the two of you are on patrol you run into some goons and at first Barbara has it taken care of. You get cornered by a couple but you have it mostly in hand. Then you see one trying to flank her. You knocked out the one you were dealing with, and was able to grab Barbara’s attacker. He had a baton of some kind but you don’t get a good look before he hits you, when you get between him and his intended target. The hit is pretty nasty, but not hospital warranted. Once the goons are dealt with, Babs gets you back to the clocktower.

By this point if you don’t tell her what’s going on she was baring you from patrol duty. You don’t say much, and you don’t often say much anyways. As she’s putting the wrappings on your arm and you’re holding an ice pack to your bruised eye you tell her you’re fine. Yeah right, she wasn’t born yesterday. You don’t know what else she wants you to say. What’s been going on lately, during the day. Well, you don’t always feel sure of yourself, because people keep saying you’re not good enough. That you’re not doing enough and still getting away with it. You aren’t meeting their expectations, and that you aren’t setting high enough goals for yourself.

Barbara lets you vent more about it, telling stories of things teachers have said, coworkers putting their tasks on you, and all the while you’re running on little sleep. There was some tears, not really sobs. Babs doesn’t need a super computer or even her glasses to see your lack of confidence.

You stepped in between her and a guy ready to take a hard swing at her, a swing that may have killed her, and you stopped it and took it. But that was just adrenaline surely. No it wasn’t. You have plenty to live for in your life, you know people care about you, and you knew deep down, that you could take the hit. That you could protect people, and the ones you love.

You’re still barred from patrol for a while to heal your injuries, but Babs goes extra sister mode and says that if you need help with any projects or homework, she will help where she can, if only to give you extra reassurance.

Tim doesn’t share the same classes with you, but he notices you in the hallways and… yeah he’s noticed you having teachers and even other students breathing down your neck for a variety of things. He’s stood up for you before, especially with that group project where you did everything, told the teacher you did, and the teacher told you it could’ve been done better. Yeah that ticked him off enough to go to the higher ups of the school. When he sees how you are at night, he can tell that stuff has been bothering you. Hell, he’s had that feeling before.

While you keeping watch, and he was hacking into a computer, a couple of guys were trying to break down the door. Tim was almost done, he just needed a couple more second-fuck! The door got blasted off, and would’ve hit Tim if you hadn’t blocked it with yourself. You have bracers on your arms, so they take most of the damage that door would have done, damn it hurts though. Focus. Take em down, then get out.

Back at the clocktower, Tim thanks you for taking the hit. The impact left some internal bruising, but it would heal in time. You tell him you should have just pulled him away from the computer. He points out, the files they got would have been destroyed instead of retrieved. Still you should have barred the door, or posted up outside the door to keep them from getting in, or- Tim cuts you off. How the hell would you have accounted for that stuff? The mission was a success, you got the files and you kicked butt in the process. If all you do is fixate on what could have been, you’ll have too many ideas running through your head to act when you need to. But what if your first idea totally sucks? Then you learn from it and try again next time.

Tim tells you that you can’t let self-confidence get in the way of a judgement call, especially in a situation like that. Did you take a hard hit? Yes. Did you get the files? Yes! It won’t be easy, but if he’ll help you with your self confidence, and if that means reminding you each time that you’re doing a good job, then so be it. Hell, he’ll text you every day before class.

Dick knows self confidence can be hard, he’s a performer. Grayson also knows what you can do. Big sibling mode is not a thing for him, it’s just default Grayson. During sparring, he notices you’ll try to flee from attacks rather than guard or dodge. It’s one thing to step back, it’s another to scurry away. There’s plenty of times where he’ll have you just plant your feet to remind you it’s only practice, the batons won’t hurt when you have guards on. Soft swing, normal swing, harder swi- you flee again.

Grayson is still concerned when you two go out, investigating a warehouse that had a few thugs. He was ready to drop down on them, but not before asking if you can handle yourself. The question leaves you with plenty of self doubt. He accounted for this ahead of time, knowing you may not be up for it. He reminds you it’s only a couple of thugs for each of you. Yeah, you can do this. No problem. There wasn’t much of a problem either, you plant your feet, and are able to avoid most hits.

Then you hear the sound of something sharp and metal. You look over and Grayson is dealing with a knife now. A skilled knife. You’re stealing glances in between blows, and knife user is giving Grayson a run for his money. Once you have your current thug knocked down you rush over, seeing Grayson get punched in the face hard. The knife comes down on a dazed Grayson but you grab it, shoving it away, so it just gives a cut to shoulder. You take the stumble from your quick intervention, to kick the guy to ground. Once Grayson recovers, he takes the guy down.

A quick call and the police are on their way, while you’re gritting your teeth. Grayson didn’t see it before, but your hands are bleeding from grabbing the knife, as is your shoulder. As soon as the cops can be heard, he has you on the bike, driving to the clock tower, being careful not to make any hard turns since you can’t have on to him very easily.

The alcohol stings and you feel pretty foolish for grabbing the knife by the blade. Thankfully it wasn’t too deep, so stitches weren’t necessary, but bandages were and that also meant no fighting for a while. Once you’re all bandaged up, Grayson asks what’s been going on lately. You kept fleeing and he noticed you flinching quite a bit during the fight. You try to act like nothing is going on, and that his issue was with you grabbing the blade, but he’s persistent. You shrug, cause you don’t know, it was all so unreal sometimes, that you’re a vigilante fighting to protect your home. Yet during the day you couldn’t fight back against the ones who kept trying to take your stuff or told you you weren’t good enough.

You’re plenty good enough. Grayson reminds you of everything you’ve been able to pull off, all the fights you’ve won, all the bad guys you’ve brought to justice, and all of the hard work you’re doing now. You’re kicking ass, so don’t stop just because not everyone knows it. You’re trying not to tear up but Grayson gives you a hug, and yep, now you’re crying. Don’t say sorry, you’re doing great. Want to watch a horrible show that you can both mock and laugh at? You pick, he’ll get snacks.

Jason had been preoccupied with a lead, so he wasn’t paying you much mind. Your shooting was his main concern, since you were his little sniper buddy, dropping bad guys from a safe place. You wanted to get into the full action though. Jason wasn’t sure, but as long as you kept yourself out of the way he would allow it. You feel useless sometimes, only watching from above. You miss criminals which means Jason has to go after them or they get away. There’s also been some criminals who decide to make rude remarks about you being some child.

Jason had his main lead cornered, giving the guy a proper beating as well. You had been down there with him among the shipping crates that covered you from view of any cameras. Jason wasn’t sure if coast was as clear as he wanted, so you went looking for any stragglers. The concerns were warranted as you found a guy perched on one of the crates, taking aim. You don’t know whether the target is the lead or Jason, you don’t care either. Without another thought you run at the guy, not bothering with your own weapon, and shout.

The wrestle for the gunman’s weapon goes poorly. Jason takes notice, but by the time he turns there’s a gunshot, and you fall back, landing hard against the concrete below. Immediately, Jason has his gun out and fires on the gunman who isn’t quick enough to retreat. Once he knocks out the lead he hurries over to your crumpled body. He’s panicked too, thinking you may have just gotten yourself killed. The wound is a graze on your hip, nasty but not fatal. You’re gasping, trying to get air back in your lungs. Jason doesn’t hesitate to get the lower part of your mask off, letting you breathe easier.

Once you’re breathing and he gets something around the wound to soak up the blood, he gets you back to the clocktower. It’s not a fun time. Jason’s bedside manner is lacking. You literally took a bullet for him, all because he let you stay on the ground. He was so stupid. You watch him patch you up, grumbling to himself. Without thinking you apologize. Jason finishes up and gives you a look of, “where did that come from”.

You shouldn’t have overstepped. This lead was important and you just made it more difficult. Not only that you put your at risk, if you had been up on the crates you would’ve been fine. Instead you caused unnecessary risk. Jason sits there listening to you feel ashamed, and then call yourself a “stupid kid” and “childish”. Fucks sake he shouldn’t have to tell you this.

You’re a Robin now, maybe not like the rest of them. Doesn’t change the fact they were all young once and took risks. Everyone starts somewhere, and when you’re the youngest you have plenty of doubts. Confidence isn’t your strongest feature, but honestly he didn’t know many others your age who had the guts to take up a rifle and fight back against all the shit on these streets. If anything he blamed himself for not noticing you were struggling to begin with. You try to deflect blame back on to yourself and he settles for it being neither of your faults.

You’re not going out for a while, not with your injuries. Honestly it’s a miracle you didn’t do more damage. For now, you need to take care of yourself, and remind yourself that you’re more badass than you give yourself credit for. First get some rest, and then tomorrow night you’ll walk around as a civillian, focusing on some self care and he’ll be close by on his patrol. You don’t need to take crazy risks, that’s his job. He’s proud of you though.

Taglist: @yourlovely-moon @kaoyamamegami @h0n3y-l3m0n05 @sans-chara @1mommyrose4ever29 @smitten-haematite-quartz @talia-the-gemini @yuki2129 @whitetiger846 @graystorm444 @chibiduck @reaperxxxxzz @danielle143 @sobbingnshtting @cringeycookies @cryingpages @dcnocap207 @reaper-chan666 @bestbookfriends @thriving-n-jiving

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iheartbrahmsy · 2 years ago

Text

☆🩰 WHAT TYPE OF LOVE ARE YOU ATTRACTING ..? 🧸

♡ PILE ONE 🧿

self love, showing off , going through

You could already be in a relationship, but that doesn’t really matter tbh ( you can read this no matter your status)

You’re attracting a mature type of love. Your partner no matter if they’re already in your life or not , is helping you in your self love journey. A journey you had to go through at this point , you were neglecting your mental / physical health a lot … you’ll also have really good communication!

You’ll go through a lot together. You won’t be alone anymore when having to face a challenge. Again , really mature energy from this pile. Their standing by your side.

This person has expensive taste. Sometimes they’re not even trying, but always comes through impressing everyone. They love showing you off , and might even post pictures of just you. Just because you’re that pretty and important to them. They seem calm and protective.

If you are already in a relationship and things are going great , your relationship is getting on a next , better level. One of you, or even both , might as well be getting a promotion.

If you’re single , and of course looking to change that , you’ll be approached by a mature person , wanting to offer you stability. Possibly older than you. It won’t be like your other relationships. You may have went through some toxicity, esp in your love life. You’re not going through that with this person. If you have any trauma from your previous relationships , or any toxic patterns / habits, please make sure to heal that. You don’t want to be projecting it into this relationship. However, your person seems patient and willing to help you

♡ PILE TWO 🩰

Pure, healthy love - this will apply more to people in relationships, but it doesn’t really matter what your status is

You and your partner/ crush might be into alt music and style. You also seem to be in a long distance relationship, or there’s been long since you last saw each other. Regardless of your situation, you seem to always follow your heart and completely avoid your logic.

Youre reuniting with your partner / crush and going on a beautiful date. One of you might have a cat!

“ I’ll never finish falling in love with you “ . You’re really into each other and that’s why I think you’re already in a relationship or in the early stages

You might smoke together as well when you meet again. Some of you might really be into poems. Also , a lot of you have jealousy issues, that might stem from last relationships or just fear of getting hurt. Regardless, you’re called to stop worrying , something your person might tell you as well.

“ pls don’t get tired of me “ , “ you’re my favourite person “

get married. Bye😭

♡ PILE THREE 🍵

Deep, warm love

Some of you might be into painting!

Making paintings for your partner. This is a relationship that is definitely long term. But even if time passes by , you still don’t lose the sparkle of the relationship! You seem to be mutually obsessed with each other ,( not in a bad way ) , putting equal effort. One may be more upfront with their feelings as well , while the other one might take some time to open up. You’ll probably cook together , or spend time with each other while one of you cooks. Might also get matching tattoos at one point. You may go out on Fridays a lot , or the day Friday , might be significant to you. You are both grateful for each other. I don’t have anything else for this pile tbh. You are definitely a happy couple that likes to do a lot of activities together. This relationship will last too

#pick a card #tarot #tarotcommunity #daily tarot #pac tarot #tarot reading #love tarot reading #tarot daily #tarotonline #loa #what are you attracting

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thesensteawitch · 1 year ago

Text

CLOSURE You Did Not Get!❤️‍🩹

(Pick A Pile Tarot Reading)

TAKE A DEEP BREATH...

Now, Choose!

1-----2-----3

1. 2.

Hey, Senstea Souls!

This is a general Tarot Reading. Take what resonates and leave what doesn't. Choose the pile that calls you the most. Feel free to choose more than one if you're called to do so.

Pile 1

(Tarot Cards- The Empress & Temperance)

The rage you carry in your heart is for the right reasons. But you did not lose your composure. You were tricked with words. I see that you had to carry something for years. You wanted to let it all out but you couldn’t. The angels want you to know that the person you have become is someone they are proud of. You had to fight with your demons to be where you are now. The war has made you highly analytical. You literally see the ins and outs of every situation. Nothing can miss your eye. Some of you may be quite intuitive too. But when you close your eyes there’s a part of you that is screaming to show itself. A part that you buried years ago. That could be a reason why at times you don’t feel good enough. Don’t let the past lower your self-esteem. In the eyes of others, you are capable of making your name without being codependent on someone! Hmm… I can hear the lyrics, “I know you’re jealous that I can make my name without a man” (It applies to both genders). Let it go. Don’t find pride in people being envious of your achievements. You are better than that. Sometimes people don’t know what to do with something so priceless when they have always learned that life is a game of gambling. And you must not dim your light for those who cannot see your worth. You are such a beautiful being, this is what Cards just whispered to me.

Pile 2

(Tarot Cards- 6 of Swords & 7 of Swords)

They wronged you and now you feel guilty? Why? Just because you are the one who walked away? No, darling. They pushed you so far that you had no other way. They were manipulative. And I know everything seemed like a party and the sun was hanging high in the sky. But it wasn’t. It was a bright bulb they fixed and told you it was the Sun. You were so blinded that you couldn’t differentiate. I hear the lyrics, “I used to think I was smart but you made me look so naïve. Ohhhhhh…. bloodsucker…bleeding me dry like a Goddamn vampire.” The pain you felt was unbearable but I see your loved ones are with you in this new journey. It’s the universe rowing your boat now. You are being taken care of. You are moving away from the turbulent waves and toward the still waters. It’s your thoughts that aren’t letting you see the way ahead. But ask your soul because it knows. Deep down you know you were a lioness/lion. Someone took that light away from you and to have it back you must release the hurt. Soon you will see yourself roaring and people praising your charisma.

Pile 3

(Tarot Cards- 5 of pentacles, The Hermit)

I am getting chills. It’s been a stormy night, in fact, nights! Did something keep you awake at night? This won’t end unless you or the person involved changes their perspective. I see that you guys are lucky because someone wise is trying to give you the right guidance. Listen to them. Only then your life can change. You need to let go of someone or something to let the new opportunity/beginning finally show itself. If you can’t forgive someone then you must know that you must heal your heart or your heart chakra will get blocked and you might become bitter. Now is the time to speak your heart. Don’t be afraid if the truth will hurt them because you both are in pain anyway. I hear the lyrics, “Some mistakes get made that’s alright that’s okay. You can think but you are in love when you are really just in pain. In the end, it’s better for me that’s the moral of the story babe.” It can be an idea or a project you are in love with that’s really not going the way it should or it could also be a relationship. It’s the partnership that’s suffering. It may also be impacting your career. You are genuinely blessed because there’s not one but two signs from the Universe. Maybe two angels or humans or one angel and one human are trying to help you out. Open your heart and you will see the light.

THANK YOU FOR READING MY PSYCHIC INSIGHTS. I HOPE I WAS ABLE TO HELP YOU.🩷

FOR PERSONAL READINGS YOU CAN FILL IN THIS FORM.

CHECKOUT THE RATE CARD HERE AND CHOOSE THE TAROT SPREAD THAT CALLS YOU THE MOST.

#pick a pile #pick a card #tarot reading #tarot #tarot cards #psychic

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marabarl-and-marlbara · 4 months ago

Note

hello mara, recently i read your post named 'i am not a person of integrity', and i have been thinking about it for the past few days. it was beautiful and changed me to my core in a very positive way

i hope you are having a good day mara

do you have any manga recommendations lately?

hey anonymous -- i appreciate that; i have mixed feelings about the article in question, because 1) i am proud of the writing and having actually finished it, instead of being another one of those projects i start and drop, & 2) i:m not necessarily proud of the circumstances that prompted me writing it, and how it is 'tainted' from being written out of a bitterness;

i:d often thought about writing a retrospective for it, mostly just covering the following:

a. after i finished writing that article all of the weird related neuroses i had felt unwound and like i finally permitted myself to grow; i:d used to have these weird freaked-out 'episodes' of crying and panicking over the memories, and for what-ever reason that all stopped after i finally directly addressed the memory instead of doing a bunch of weak little tip-toeing and self-coping;

b. in the aftermath, and after 'wilderness' i had to learn to be more alone, and comfortable being alone, and comfortable dealing with pains and discomforts alone--and alone here would include not using the internet or 'venting'--and doing this changed a lot of my assessment over self and self-behavior; i think how i wrote and shared myself obsessively both hurt myself and people i ought to have loved more, all borne out of this intense fear of trusting myself to a quiet that i:d been terrified of;

c. in responses from other people, i sometimes worry people mistake the point was to be unapologetically perverted as though wallowing in muck and mistaking that muck for self leads to some assumed healing--there is probably merit in having shame and humility over some personal matters; mostly (and what i think helped me 'move on') was the issue of needing to address uncomfortable thoughts that burrowed inside myself and i had constructed convenient lattices around to support a status that was rotten. sometimes i worry, too, that this was interpreted as needing to be overly penitent--but the most important issue, i think, is that ability to finally confront something internal that you are terrified of confronting; those types of thoughts that, when they bubble up, your brain starts desperately trying to push-down and construct excuses and narratives for until it disperses into your body in a soft-forgetting till it inflames and bubbles back up again like some carrion odor.

d. i:d thought about deleting it a handful of times, due to the bitter root, but it keeps being left up; but: the phylactery part--after those weird neuroses started to die down and (in wilderness) i realized i had tied a bunch of my identity to visual novels and art and writing i found a greater peace in just giving up on all of those aspirations. i am not really an artist, or a writer, and may-be i don:t really care about visual novels whatsoever; there was something really freeing about that.

i haven:t really read manga this year at all, but i:ll recommend eden: it's an endless world! because it:s what i would want to read if i wanted to read manga--if you:re willing to be spoiled, you might like this video of the final few pages being synched up to a song it references, it:s one of my favorite videos (go ahead! spoil yourself!)

take care; natsunokumo is a manga i like, too, not completely translated last time i checked, though

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murfpersonalblog · 5 months ago

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IWTV S2 Ep7 Musings - Loustat Ep4 Revisited (Spoilers)

This one was WILD, my jaw was on the floor. JACOB! SIR ANDERSON! BRUH!?

Santiago doing a deliberately TERRIBLE Claudia voice after we saw his IMMACULATE Louis mimic--I HATE HIM. 🤣

I already tore Lestat a new arsehole for that.

Underneath the distorted Mind Spell audio effect you can barely hear Les say something about "the lies said by Louis;" but the subtitles don't pick it up.

NO, the COVEN wrote that script and did that. Lestat's COMPLICIT only cuz he's tryna SAVE Lou from the mess YOU put them in by selling them out to Santiago, Armand! You stood by and let them be abducted & dragged on stage, when YOU have the Fire Gift! You coulda lit them all up like matches! But you AND Lestat wanted Claudia out of the picture!

Louis finally not wearing black in Dubai; he's in dark blood red. 👀

HOW, if Les cant read your mind? I think SEEING Lestat and hearing his effed up account took Louis back to NOLA--not that Les was doing any Mind/Spell Gifts on Lou, literally taking him back to NOLA. It's a distorted memory, not astral projection or a hallucination.

Lestat like: "WE?" All of a sudden you wanna speak French at me with this OUI?

I couldn't resist, the hands were sending me.

Ohhhh this is SINISTER, making Lou look he manipulated Les. The VOICE Jacob uses is tryna kill me--he sounds so simpering and soft and feminine, no deep bass whatever; they know wtf they're doing. XD Any other network and there'd've been a fullblown sex scene. 😅

Ohhh no, the coven's tryna make it seem like Louis DID know the laws b4 he got to Paris; this isn't Lestat or any true memory; this is the coven talking thru Lestat's script; which wormed into Louis' head.

LOL. Scripted AF.

"He did tell me, what she would be." No, in S1E4 Les realized AFTER she killed the cop that her metabolism would be effed up. Armand told him the Great Laws, but Lestat just laughed in his face. Marius told him not to make vampires as young as Armand, but it had nothing to do with the Great Laws, and Lestat assumed it was just cuz ARMAND'S a poor vampire, in that silly cult. Les & Marius were more concerned about Christianity's effect on vampire moralism/depression/"self-loathing," and Les talked about LOUIS' anxiety--

--but as for Claudia he turned her CUZ HE'S A EFFING BRAT who only ever does what HE wants to do, eff anyone else.

I nearly had heart attack, thinking the coven was gonna say Louis' her Maker--the LAUGH I was gonna make, omg. 🤣 Cuz the humans can't call them on that, cuz what do THEY know about maker/fledgling blood and not being able to read minds?

The coven has her diaries when she said this, so I think this was all scripted; not something he really said--though ofc he could've read it in her mind when he rescued her, and genuinely felt this way, cuz ofc he would--he wanted/needed her to think he was a good person.

I DO wonder if a bit of this was true, about Louis feeding Claudia his blood, cuz these AMC's vamps are wildly inconsistent about healing. Their blood has strong healing powers--as we see in S2E5 when Armand fed Louis after his suicide attempt by fire, and in Ep6 after his suicide by slitting his wrists after making Madz. So ofc Louis might try to heal Claudia by bleeding on her & letting her drink.

These 2 frames back to back are precisely Louis' issue--he don't know wtf is going on. U_U

☝️ THIS!. ALL OF THIS! ☝️

Louis' GUILT is why the memories are all muddled; why he's doubting his own recollection, on top of the literal brainwashing from Armand & the forced Mind/Spell Gifts put on him by the coven.

Dragged on the EFFING FLOOR, the coven is WICKED! 🫣 This is when I knew those dirty heifers were LYING. And Claudia can't even corroborate this, cuz she was in & out of it when she was turned.

She is staring Louis DOWN, but sweetie, he's as lost as you are.

This is hilariously & deliciously & salaciously melodramatic; Imma slap Vampire Sam for writing this script--he'd've loved writing fanfiction on AO3.

NGL, I expected that hand to start veering a few degrees over if you know what I mean. 🍆 Lou's face was in PRIME position to do him some face. (The fanfics finna go CRAZY.)

Welp, my fears were well-founded. The coven is SPITTING all over their history.

PLEASE do the "evil of my evil" line, AMC! 🙏 This democracy of hypocrisy ain't finna do that. Sit your French White arse down on the red velvet throne AR gave you in the Prince Lestat trilogy, and STFU.

I don't think Lou did; he was very candid in S1 about how he cried & pleaded, and Les saying she'd be their daughter. The important difference is the inclusion about the Great Laws, and how that implicates them. It doesn't matter that Louis already knew she'd be stuck 14 forever & didn't care--if he didn't know Lestat was 100+ and stuck 34 forever, then he's a fool. Wanting an eternal child to baby & pamper & dote on is way different from intentionally breaking the law.

No love, that's the guilt talking! They were scrambling your brains RIGHT THERE ON STAGE; take this with a grain of salt; 74 years have provided A LIBRARY OF CONFUSION!

Daniel, stfu for once; why would you see this as having ANY "clarity." This is the most muddled portion of the trial thus far!

#interview with the vampire #loustat #iwtv spoilers #iwtv season 2 spoilers #justice for claudia #iwtv tvc metas #must see tv #the hype is real

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nonsensical-questions · 6 months ago

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Errmmm annual update,

How are things goin for ya (not about sensetale specifically, just in general)

I appreciate the general check up as i haven't posted anything in a bit, but for a little update i guess, got a new job, pays me more and doesn't give me as many hours, this is a good thing as i can pay my bills just fine without having to work as much, but i am getting called in a lot and i need more money in general so i'm sorta trying to build stuff up... got a new name, i'm still keeping my old one i just have two first names i switch between now so that was funky but it made me feel a little better so it's nice got on HRT a while ago and it's fucking with me emotionally i think either that or i'm experiencing periods as it's not all the time, but it's too soon to tell if it's this or that so right now i'm just enjoying the general effects of it and learning how to deal with stronger emotions, this is a good thing i no longer feel as dysphoric about myself but it still comes from time to time as for projects and stuff i'm working on? got quiet the load honestly, no progress on sensetale for mental health and general self confidence issues, it's still on hiatus until i can get good enough to make the sprites i need or find someone willing to help me out but in non-sensetale related projects... well... i did wanna keep some stuff a secret but some of these have been in the work for a while so... what the hell might as well show some off I appreciate the general check up as i haven't posted anything in a bit, but for a little update i guess, got a new job, pays me more and doesn't give me as many hours, this is a good thing as i can pay my bills just fine without having to work as much, but i am getting called in a lot and i need more money in general so i'm sorta trying to build stuff up... got a new name, i'm still keeping my old one i just have two first names i switch between now so that was funky but it made me feel a little better so it's nice got on HRT a while ago and it's fucking with me emotionally i think either that or i'm experiencing periods as it's not all the time, but it's too soon to tell if it's this or that so right now i'm just enjoying the general effects of it and learning how to deal with stronger emotions, this is a good thing i no longer feel as dysphoric about myself but it still comes from time to time as for projects and stuff i'm working on? got quiet the load honestly, no progress on sensetale for mental health and general self confidence issues, it's still on hiatus until i can get good enough to make the sprites i need or find someone willing to help me out but in non-sensetale related projects... well... i did wanna keep some stuff a secret but some of these have been in the work for a while so... what the hell might as well show some off

vs. mad mew mew genocide route edition! i love mew mew as a character and i've been really inspired to make something relating to her i just didn't know what to, well recently i got my insperation and have been coding it out, don't know what the ending is currently but i have a rough idea of what i want to do, hopefully you will all enjoy it the song is Dummy! from UNDERTALE: Alternate, thank them so much for letting me use the song! couldn't hope for a more fitting battle theme that just so happened to accidently match with the character i was making the fight for lol I have more projects i'd love to show off but tumblr only allows for 1 video so you'll have to have the shitty gifs instead

after undertale yellow released I loved the concept of everything so much but i really wish some more attention to the lore had been put in, but hey there was still some really cool stuff they did like i loved the guns and ammo types, so i decided to work on what it would look like for the blue soul which i nicknamed melody as her healing things are music notes and clovers are well clovers, this spawned a whole thing where i started making characters and ideas and... honestly i don't think it will go anywhere soon.... if at all but hey a mouse can dream huh? well i might as well show off some characters with little to no context huh?

not all of these are major characters but just stuff I wanted to show off, if people wanna make art or ask about it, the au name is official "Undertale: Era of Integrity" but for now you just get the designs and simple mechanics that i showed off, i have more to talk about

an underfell project! this was mainly learning to code KR and fuck around with my idea of an underfell au that takes the canon version and makes small tweaks here and there, i made some sprites to show what i mean

again not really giving out much info, if people wanna know more let me know i guess! no official name just some underfell concepts i've been working on I do wanna make some playable fights eventually but i'd need to work out some kinks first to make it all work some other projects that feel too small to sorta show off stuff of are a Tale's end sans fight (like from the comic) i was working on with friskbits actually helping quiet a lot and a help_tale sixbones fight (again from the comic) both are almost done but also both have big hurdles i'll need to get past before i finish it, for tale's end it's just... writing, frisky is normally busy and i had major writers block, writing for what you may ask? the comic surely has most of what i need right? haha I wish, there are so many options and it all comes back to that stupid flower, i have like 20 endings based on if you kill or not and then reset and do a certain action, I have the main endings coded but the great flowey remembering my resets makes it way harder to actually finalize the sixbones fight is mainly the absorb stuff, as we never saw that in the comic so i sorta had to improvise and making it looks cool! but I'm sorta just winging it i guess i'm also working on a mettaton date, this one with an overworld, you know how alphys, undyne, and papyrus all got dates? oh and sans too sorta, well toby literally mentioned dating mettaton on the kickstarter and never delivered! so i'm doing it myself, date the sexy rectangle... eventually i'm still on the overworld stuff and need to finish designing mettatons room fully, i'd show some stuff off but i'm not sure how long it's gonna be plus this post is already hella long so just gonna cut this here and maybe talk about it later there is some other stuff here and there but it's mainly just ideas, I had an idea of something something deltatravelers something something OFF but i'm prob not even gonna do that, maybe i'll make some sketches or mock ups for it later but eh i wanna finish projects first i have too many on my plate currently I know a lot of people might be mad, that i'm working on other projects and stuff while im supposed to be working on sensetale, but I'm trying to improve skills and general get better at making the content so people can enjoy it more, and when i was ready i would try and work more on sensetale maybe remake the area do new poses make new characters or sprite something unique and cool, one of the reasons i don't post or even answer questions on this is i don't want to get people's hopes up that this will return soon, i really want it to return soon but I don't have the resources or time to commit to it I had a thought that maybe, I should make this a general au project stuff, so I can show off more stuff and see what people like but i've had 20 or so projects i've never finished. I wouldn't want to show all this cool stuff off and never deliver on it. But perhaps if that is what would everyone would enjoy more, seeing progress and stuff i'm working on, if people would be okay not seeing sensetale in favor of more content? just food for thought, i want to see what people think before i act.

#sensetale #update #undertale #undertale au #undyne #sans #papyrus #mad mew mew #napstablook #underfell #mettaton #help_tale #undertale yellow #undertale blue #undertale: era of integrity

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ivesambrose · 2 months ago

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OCTOBER 2024 MINI MESSAGES 🧡

1. 2. 3.

How is spooky season treating everyone so far? ✨

To book a personal reading with me DM or email me at [email protected]

Services offered

Reviews

Thanks for the tip

Picture 1

its likely you might feel as though you're pushed to the forefront and are in the limelight or have finally decided to be brave about it. You'll be focused on your public image, long term career goals as well as the friends you keep associating with. Do they really empower you? Stand by you? Encourage you? Or keep filling your head with their own projections that deter you from your growth. You can look forward to a better community for yourself it may not come through fully this month for some of you, but sometimes having the awareness that this is the vision and reality you see for yourself does more than half of the work for you. You'll feel inspired to travel, pursue certain goals or see the earlier roadblocks slowly clear out for you. Keep in mind not to overwork yourself or be manipulated by someone to stretch yourself thin for their sake with little to no benefit of your own. There are some people namely at a higher place of authority than you are who are scared of your success and your ability to be authentic, cultivate friendships or be a good leader by yourself and they'll try to bring you down to 'show you your place' it's far from the truth. This month might end on a note of a new and better opportunity being presented to you, a gift, a sudden increase in finances or an idea that if nurtured will lead to something a lot bigger and fruitful. Know that you're in charge of your reality not the people who are bystanders in it.

Picture 2

so much to learn and so many ideas and thoughts to communicate this month. Write them all down and share them either with a trusted person or maybe even the world. Write and speak so you can heal and undo the knots in your heart. Cry if you must it's okay to let go of the burden of keeping a brave demeanor. You'll be having potential breakthroughs this month, almost overnight ones. You're about to do something unconventional in the long run but that too will require a certain discipline from your side so it becomes a daily ritual for you and then your lifestyle. You'll be really focused on your health and health goals as well. Some of you might get into a commitment with someone or will be soon or someone wants to be romantically involved with you for the long term. They compliment your energy will, someone whose willing to water you to see you bloom. Be wary of overwhelming yourself with too much content or information. You really don't need all that. Allow your subconscious to only absorb what it is that you want in your reality. The habits you cultivate this month will set the tone for the coming months too. You'll end the month on a note of getting better at something or achieving a goal that you have spent the most of the year on and celebrating it finally.

Picture 3

Your imagination does indeed create your reality and you'll be shown proper evidence of that this month. A lot of heightened awareness, intuition, prophetic or symbolic dreams that in turn fuel your creativity. You'll be self soothing a lot this month there's also a focus on your gut health and habits as well that you'll be changing. You'll also be receiving an opportunity through your creativity to travel or learn about different cultures, people and places. I also see you feeling closer to your mother or a female/maternal figure or a friend in your life. I feel like some of you have been hyper independent for so long and have burned so many bridges that when tenderness or loving connections knock on your door you refuse to see it. Please bring your awareness and intention to finally receiving what you've long asked for. You'll be receiving the love, friendships and opportunities you have asked for, I really suggest you remove the part of you that is hell bent on being an 'avoidant' because that will lead you nowhere but to the same state that made you so low to begin with. This month ends on things gaining momentum for you, like whatever you started is progressing to the next phase, launching something or even foreign travel. Things are set in motion. You will, inevitably cut through your obstacles. Rest assured.

#free readings #tarot community #divination community #pick a card #pac #pick a picture #spiritual community #spirituality

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thatonebirdwrites · 2 days ago

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Shattered is finally finished. This story is incredibly personal for me.

I wrote this story because I have DID (and several other chronic conditions that makes navigating it even more difficult).

I wrote this story because I am tired of stories that villianize those with DID. No, most people with DID are not serial killers. And yet so much media paints a horrific view of it that is mired in falsehoods and misinformation. The stigma against DID is painful and isolates.

I want a good portrayal of DID. One that really digs into what it is actually like, how healing may go, and ways to navigate it.

Stories like that are so incredibly rare, so I decided I'll write it myself. I used a fantastical setting -- the Supergirl universe -- to give myself some space so it wouldn't completely overwhelm me.

I also wanted to write about what a healing journey looks like, and how we cannot heal without the love and support of our chosen family and community. Healing is not a solitary thing. It's a communal action.

We have to choose to heal.

In this story, Lena has DID, where Lex did horrible things to her when she was a child. The fic explores her and her alters, how they cope, what exactly Lex did, how hard it can be to learn who all the alters are and their needs, and the healing journey Lena and her alters walk.

I also cover Kara, who as an alien her psyche differs from humans. I explore how she ends up splitting herself in order to fit in with humans and to keep her alien core self safe. How absorbing Red Daughter causes a shake-up in her system, and she has to engage in mind-healing to integrate Red Daughter in a healthier way.

I cover Sam, who is a singlet -- she does not have DID. Instead, her story digs into being a homeless, pregnant teen and how she overcame that. How she built up a chosen family and healed from that. It also digs into how the worldkiller crisis impacted her, and how she heals from that through the help of her loved ones and community.

All three have different traumas but interwoven healing journeys.

This story is me shouting to the world: we are not evil. We are people who have great trauma. We are worthy of care and acceptance. We are trying our best to find healthy ways to cope and heal, and we will mess up just like anyone else but repair is possible. Healing is possible. When we care for one another, support one another, we can heal.

It's also me exploring how I approach my own healing journey. In the end-notes I provide detailed explanations about DID, about alters, about different methods of healing, about integration (and how it's a personal choice whether to integrate or not).

I did this so people could at least get a glimpse into the truth of what living with it is like. I shared all I did so that understanding can be bridged and perhaps care built up.

Comments blew me away as many shared how it's been helping them heal too.

In the end, that's all I ever wanted.

If something I wrote brought healing and hope to another? Then I consider my job done.

The stories we tell matter. How we tell them matter. Sharing them matters.

You are not alone. No matter what you face. No matter what hardship or illness it is -- you are not alone. Others are out there that have or still face it. You are worthy of care and acceptance and community.

Yes, healing is so very hard at times. You will fuck up. We all fuck up at times, but that's part of healing. We engage in repair once we are in a mental state to do it in a healthy way, and we choose to heal and move forward.

Because that is how we grow. We don't grow by experiencing trauma.

We grow from choosing to heal and then acting on that decision to heal.

So remember that, and remember you deserve love and care too. Be safe, and happy reading.

#supercorp #lena luthor #kara danvers #supergirl #writing #a good portrayal of DID #DID #plural system #healing journeys #healing #superreigncorp #reigncorp #sam arias #Superfriends #a finished fic of mine and why I wrote it and how important the fic is to me

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androgynousblackbox · 8 months ago

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How I Met Your Father. 2 [Appleradio, Radioapple, Chaggie]

Vaggie came out from their closet holding two dreses. Charlie counted these as the fifth dress that her girlfriend had brought to her to hear about her opinion, but she wasn't about to comment on that. It was kinda cute seeing her fretting over trying to find the right one. On her humble opinion she already looked amazing in all of them anyway.

"Okay, which one of these says 'I am a good partner to your daughter and I also respect your home and your husband, who I am very sorry for pointing a spear to'? This one I think says 'I am trustworthy and responsible', but maybe the skirt is too long and it will be too strict? And this one look cute, but maybe the sleeves are too long? What do you think? What if it gest messy with the food and I don't realize it?"

"Mmm" Charlie rested on her bed, where her own outfit had already being chosen, chin on her hands as she moved her hooves as if really was thinking it over. "I like the second one. The long sleeves make you look elegant and kinda mysterious."

"Yeah? You think so?" Vaggie modeled the dress in front of her mirror. extending the sleeves over her naked arm. "Well… it is comfy."

"Comfy is important" encouraged Charlie and then gasped. "You could use that cute black chocker I bought you last week! It would look so cute!"

"Wear something you gave me would show my commitment to our relationship! Good thinking!" Vaggie's eyes illuminated at the brilliant suggestion and Charlie could not hold it any longer, letting out her laugh. Vaggie blushed, suddenly self unconscious. "W-what?"

"Sorry, sorry, I didn't mean to. It's just… You are treating this like some kind of strategy for war" commented Charlie, sitting upright at the side of their bed and patting her side for Vaggie to come in. When her girlfriend came in, Charlie hugged her by the shoulder. "There is no war anywhere, sweetie. I understand you probably never did anything like this before, with your previous job and all…"

Vaggie's face paled at the mention. She was so thankful that Charlie had found her so quickly after loosing her wings, right before Lute took off, because she frankly had no clue of how she would ever be able to tell her girlfriend she had contributed to the problem they were trying to solve one. It had been years since then, but she still felt sick everytime the topic came up.

"But you don't need to treat it the same" continue Charlie gently, rubbing her shoulder. Her hand caressed softly the scars on her back, fully healed now and now just a bit sensitive for Vaggie. "My parents will love you regardless of what you wear. Well, dad may take a while warming up, but that is just how he is, don't take it personally. My papa is a lot more easygoing and won't care. And in the very rare case that he doesn't like you, which he will, I will still like you the most so it doesn't matter."

Vaggie relaxed against her, trying to clear her head.

"I know, I have been silly."

"I like you silly."

Vaggie smiled, nuzzling Charlie's neck as one of her arms hugged her waist.

"It's just… You don't really meet the king of hell himself everyday. The big scary Lucifer that we all heard about all the time as a cautionary tale."

Charlie snorted, covering her mouth.

"Is that really what they think in heaven? Babe, that is just legends at this point. I promise you, papa is literally the least scary guy in all of hell" She kissed Vaggie's cheek, nuzzling her back. "Come on. I really think the chocker will look really nice with this."

Vaggie nodded, finally dressing up with the dress of the long sleeves. Charlie had a white shirt on top of black pants, casually going along with the grey dark blue dress of Vaggie. Even after they were both done dressing up and fixing their hair, they had some free time to tell Husk to call Charlie's number if anything happened before a portal opened up in the living room of the first floor.

Granted, leaving the hotel at the hands of the cat man that lived perpetually drunk wasn't the wisest of choices, but between Niffty and Angel, who was out working, they didn't had a lot of options. Husk at least seemed sober enough to tell them to have a good night before going continueing to clean some glasses.

"We will be back" assured Charlie, taking the hand of Vaggie and giving her a bright smile as they passed through.

Once they did, that was it. They were in the old palace. Vaggie thought it was beautiful and she wanted to comment on that when suddenly a voice paralized her in place.

"CHARLIE!" Before a tiny man (well, tiny for general standards, he was actually her same height) came crashing against Charlie to squeeze her on a bear hug that took the air out of her. "MY BABY! IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU, I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!"

"Papa…" struggled to say Charlie, smiling down at him. "I am happy to see you too. I can't breath."

"Oh, sorry, my bad" the man laughed, finally letting her go, but still looking up with the same look of adoration from before. "Sorry, I just missed you so much and oh" Only then the man seemed to notice Vaggie. He started to jump slightly in place, giggling to himself. "Is that…? Is she really…?"

Charlie nodded, now she being to one to beam with pride.

"Papa, I present to you Vaggie, my girlfriend. Vaggie, this is my papa, Lucifer Morningstar."

"Oh, she can call me Luci or whatever she wants!" declared Lucifer, now crushing Vaggie on a new hug. Vaggie was shocked not by how strong it was, which it was still a lot, but how obviously contained it was. "You are so much prettier than Alastor said you were! Oh, not that he said you were ugly or anything, that is not what I mean! I mean, I can see why you are togehter. Wait, no, thar sounds weird, doesn't it? I didn't say that is all about appearences or something! Unless it is, then who I am to judge? Young love and all that I say!"

"Papa" groaned Charlie, covering her eyes with a hand.

When she managed to breath again, Vaggie had to laugh a little over the fretting. The familiar fretting that she could recognize in Charlie too. Besides the height and other details that were from Alastor, there was no doubt that they were father and daughter.

"Thank you, sir" said sincerely, understanding that he was trying to be welcoming, accepting and flexible all at the same time. It was a lot more than what she expected so she would take it happily. "Thanks for having me over. Your house is beautiful."

The smile of Lucifer could have illuminated a whole universe. She felt like her previous nerve were flushing away in his presence. Charlie was right, there was nothing scary about him. Another lie from Heaven for the tally.

"You are most welcome, Vaggie. Alastor is just about to finish dinner, why don't you come with me?" said the king of hell, offering his arm up for Charlie to take as they walked over to the dinning room, a huge place with a long table covered in warm tones.

At the center of the table there was a beautiful bouquet of hellish flowers that uselessly tried to chomp at them when passing. As a true gentleman, Lucifer pulled out the chair for the both of them, sitting side to side in the table.

"Darling, I heard you embarassing our daughter" came the voice of Alastor from a radio on top of the chimney beyond the head of the table. "If you are done with that, would you mind taking out the drinks from the freezer and start serving while I finish the meat?"

A gold dusted blush extended through Lucifer's face. He gave a awkward laugh and excused himself to bring the drinks, but they could still hear him replying "I wasn't embarassing her, I was trying to socialize, jeez" as he went down the hallway.

"Now you see why I didn't bring you earlier" joked Charlie, playing with a napkin on her hands. "Don't get me wrong, I love papa, he is the best! But he can be a bit…" she made a vague gesture with her hand, not knowing how to finish the sentence. "It's not his fault, he just… doesn't get outside a lot."

"It's okay" Vaggie put her hand on top of Charlie's on the table. Awkward or not, she could still see very clearly that her girlfriend had nothing but affection for the king. "I have no real frame of reference for parents, so as far I am concerned, this is the best dinner with parents ever already."

"Oh, and you still haven't tasted dad's food! He is the best in the kitchen."

"Years and years of practice!" commented Lucifer, a line of buckets full of ice and bottles following him behind and softly landing on the table. "You wouldn't even know that man used to eat raw carcasses of road kill for breakfast. Don't even get me started in the smell that it would leave in my kitchen" Lucifer opened up one of the bottles and started serving for Charlie, holding the bottle from the bottom like a experienced waiter. "Don't worry, these are all non alcoholic because I know my baby girl likes it that way. Vaggie, you are not driving tonight so you can pick your poison freely. No judgement here. I will be having some wine and Alastor probably will want his brandy after dinner."

"I will have the same as Charlie" That seemed the easiest choice. She wasn't good with her alcohol to the point she legitimately could not understand why people got addicted to it.

"As you wish" Lucifer served her with ease and then opened up another bottle, filling up his own glass as he sat at the head of the table. "Sooo… Alastor told me about what happened on TV. I am so sorry. Do you want me to leave that mean reporter homeless, sweetie?"

The suggestion was left out so casually that Charlie almost dropped her glass before taking the first zip.

"Papa!"

"What? I can do that. I don't know if you knew this, sweetheart, but I am kind of the king here. I could get her replaced and blacklisted with a few calls. You just say the word and it's done" Lucifer finished his statement taking a zip, just as he had just declared going to the market or something as mundane at that.

Charlie was so stunned that for a moment she didn't know what to say.

"Well, she was a homophobic bitch" commented Vaggie to her own glass, making Charlie to now turn on her.

"Vaggie!"

"She was" Vaggie shrugged. "The world wouldn't be worse off either."

"Yeah, see? I like her, she gets it."

Vaggie drank her drink to try to hide how much the approval of the man made her happy. King or not, he was first and foremost Charlie's father. And honestly, she couldn't find it on herself to feel very compassionate towards the woman who quite literally laughed at her girlfriend and made a mockery out of her in teleivision. Fuck her.

"I can't believe the both of you! No, I don't want to make someone homeless just because of a bad experience!"

Vaggie smiled to her. She knew Charlie would say that, that is why she loved her.

"Sweetheart, she fist fight you. She put her hands on you. I barely managed to stop Alastor from making her into our next meal."

"Why would I want that either?!"

"Oh, no, that would have been for his satisfaction. But hopefully would have send a message not to mess with my daughter."

"Papa, no."

Lucifer sighed deeply, dramatically.

"As my duckling commands, so I obey" declared, rising his glass. "You will live another day, mean reporter who was also apparently homophobic."

Charlie rolled her eyes at the display and Vaggie chuckled a bit. She definitely could get used to this dynamic. It was nice seeing other people besides herself that were concerned with protecting Charlie.

"Well, since I am not abusing my power right now" commented Lucifer, offering a conciliatory smile to his daughter, "how about you tell me about those renovations that Alastor has been making at your hotel? Don't tell the guy" added in a conspiratorial tone, "but he really, really suck at interior design so I can only imagine what he did."

"For your information, your Majesty" said Alastor, bringing a huge tray that had to be carried by his tentacles, still covered with mittens for protection. Other tentacles were bringing the rest of the food behind him. " ended up being a rather impressive building. If it doesn't attract all the eyes of the needy souls in hell, I don't know what will."

"Yeah, that doesn't sound as flattering as you think, babe" commented Lucifer, standing up briefly to move a chair for Alastor. Alastor nodded in recognition for the gesture and Lucifer let a hand rub the back of the man briefly before sitting again. "A neon sign is also going to attract looks no matter how ugly it is."

"Well, when you come visit, you can have an opinion on it's decor" declared Alastor, lifting the cover of the tray and taking on the collective admiration for the frankly delicious looking piece of meat.

"What is it, dad?" asked Charlie tentatively, almost as she didn't even want to know.

"We are in the presence of company, my dear, so of course is venison" said Alastor, receiving the big knifes from the hands of Lucifer to give the first cut. "The cannibal meat is for especial ocassions, you know that. It becomes dull if you eat it all the time."

"He is joking, right?" commented Vaggie, looking for confirmation on Charlie's face, but all she could give her was a evasive smile.

"Listen, don't knock it until you try it" commented Lucifer. "I was a squeamish at first too, so I get it, but as long you don't use angelic steel the sinners can be cut indefintely, so it's not like people actually die from it. Some even offer themselves up to be cut. It's a whole thing. And Alastor makes it taste good all the same so I can't complain."

"Why, thank you, darling" Alastor served a big piece to the plate of Lucifer and kissed the top of his head.

"Just so we are clear, I haven't eaten it again since knowing that is what it was" said Charlie, clearly uncomfortable.

"I don't mind" said Vaggie, earning a surprised look from her girlfriend. "I mean, I don't want to think about it, but it's like with every other meat, right? And if people aren't dying from it, I don't know, it could be worse. Out of every horrible thing people do to each other in hell, at least that could be consentual."

Besides, given that her previous "job" was actually killing people, she didn't really feel able to be judging so harashly.

"Ah, that is the most intelligent thing I heard from you" said Alistor, now serving her another generous portion. Every portion had to be generous to count for the amount of meat there was.

"But I still don't think I want to try it."

"And the intelligence is gone."

"Dad."

"I am kidding, my fawn, I am kidding" Alastor chuckled, serving himself last and only then sitting down as Lucifer filled his glass. "Thank you, dear."

Besides finding out that her girlfriend have been an unwilling cannibal and the king of hell was a willing one, the rest of their conversation was light and pleasant over the delicious meal that everyone praised, for Alastor's delight.

"Oh, oh, oh!" said Charlie, suddenly attacked by a new idea. "How about when we finish do we bring the family pictures? I have so very little of them at home."

"The baby pictures?" suggested Lucifer, turning his head to Alastor with a smile at the corner of his lips.

Charlie applauded.

"Oh, and can you both tell the story of how I was made? I love that one."

"You never get tired of those stories, don't you, dear?" said Alastor, snapping his finger so all the empty plates fell into a black void and appeared again at the other side of the table, already pilled up. "Alright. I will bring the pictures. Lucifer, can you bring the dessert?"

"Sure thing" said, dissapearing on his own portal to the kitchen. It seemed that after a big meal like that one they felt lazy enough to rely more on their magic.

"They both tell it so well. I used to get to sleep to it all the time" commented Charlie, rubbing the arm of Vaggie. "I never told you either how I was made, right?"

"Magic and fairy dust I assumed" said Vaggie, only half jokingly, just when both parents came back.

The dessert was ice cream in enchanted cups that could change the flavor to whatever they wanted.

"Close, very close in fact" Lucifer sighed, leaving just a cup of coffe for Alastor when he came back, bringing an album with him. "Do you want to start, babe?"

"You can go this one chance, dear. I prefer to hear you tonight" Alastor took a zip of the coffe as Lucifer went looking on the album, going to the very start.

"Well, as Charlie knows, it took a long time for us to decide that we actually wanted a child. The idea of a heir is kinda pointless when you are essentially immortal and we had already decided to keep our marriage on the low, so I wasn't doing much to expand my last name already. Likewise, Alastor didn't want his last name there either in case someone connected it to him and try to use it as leverage.

"So if we wanted to have a kid, it would have to be just because we just really wanted a kid. To see them grow up, walk around and cry. We knew it wasn't going to be a breeze, because kids never are, but we resolved that we could do it. Love or resources weren't an issue. We had our own routine established already, but we were willing to make space for someone else there.

Once we put our minds to it, the next step was to decide the kind of child. I thought the obvious choice was adoption, since Alastor is a sinner and they can't normally reproduce, because it's "unnatural" or whatever. Some other dumb law of nature that I thought you just couldn't break. But I understimated the creativity of Alastor.

He made me know very clearly that he wanted to try to make our own kid, with our own markings if possible. If that didn't worked out, only then we would try adoption.

You see, I technically can create life already. You already know just by seeing Razzle, Dazzle or Keekee But neither of them can be considered truly an individual the same way that kids are. Razzle and Dazzle exist solely as Charlie's companions and protectors. Keekee exist solely to be the key to the hotel. They can't want anymore than that because they don't have the imagination, creativity, ambition or anything that makes each person go in search of their interests. They will never grew old or get sick. They will never have an original creative thought on their minds.

It sounds like I am dissing them, but I am not. It's just how they were meant to be, living objects for that one purpose that they will carry out with the simple joy of just doing a good job.

A kid is none of that. Sure, neither of us had that much experience with children, but we knew that at least. Not surprisingly at all, the one who gave free will to humanity thought it was important for our child to have it as well. We would raise them the best way we could and see them grow, like all parents do, only to be surprised for who they turned to be. We didn't want any of this if we couldn't have that pride of seeing our kid deciding their own way, even if it was separate from us.

And that was an issue right off the bat, because I really couldn't do that. I couldn't just create something out of nothing and gave it indepedent thought, no matter how hard I tried. With Adam and Eve it was easy because they were already living beings who just lacked awareness of themselves, so all I had to do was give it to them. Most of the work was already cut out for me, but this was different.

It was Alastor the one who suggested we started out with a dollie. Very small, but already containing the traits we wanted our child to have. That I could do no problem."

Lucifer showed off the very first picture in the album. In the middle of a large white bowl put on the floor, surrounded by a pentagram, laid a tiny figurine made of claw that almost looked like a painted bean.

"I made it all myself. I won't bore you with the details of how much or how long we talked about which traits of us we wanted to see realized, but I can tell you there was a lot of conversations about it. In the end we couldn't decide on eye colors, so we though eh, why not make our especial girl even more especial with eyes of each of her parents? Now of course she had to have Alastor's tail. I insisted on that" commented Lucifer, passing to the next picture where the figure that was already tiny had an even tinier triangle texturized to look like hair. "The red fingers, let me tell you, were a bitch to get in there and make it look right. Have you ever tried to give a fetus a manicure? I don't really recommend it. But I did it."

Another picture of a very tired looking Lucifer, rising a thumb eye with the paint brush in hand. For every progress in the figurine, the blonde hair, the black antlers, the red cheeks, the black dot for the nose, the hooves, there was a new picture showing the progress until finally the figurine did looked like a tiny version of Charlie curled up on herself.

"Isn't that the cutest thing that you have ever seen in your life?" cooed Lucifer. "Just imagine how cute that would have been, a tiny Charlie to carry on your pocket and whenever you need her, there she is, tiny Charlie! Sometimes I really wish I had made two, one just to keep for myself to remind me my baby girl used to be like that."

"She was lovely" added Alastor, looking up from his coffe to the picture, having the same nostalgic smile as his husband. "She still is."

"And made all by hand, every single detail made to perfection" said Lucifer, booping the nose of Charlie and she smiled, resting her chin on her hand.

Vaggie really liked this, this warm environment that they have formed. She wondered if that is how family is supposed to feel like. Lucifer again at the album, passing to the next page where now the figure was surrounded by what looked to be an egg marked by strips of gold and green surrounding it.

"Now we had to feed her our magic. We quickly find out that it wasn't easy. Whenever Alastor's magic attached itself to our baby, the next moment rejected my own and viceversa whenever it did absorved mine. If we were two sinners or two fallen angel or whatever, we could have probably finished the entire thing in a few days tops. But as it were, we had to be very careful with how much magic we have to her, for how long and never let it go without a charge from any of us. The first weeks were a nightmare, we barely slept at all trying to figure out the right formula so she was our daughter, equal parts of both of us. Somehow we ended up finding the rythm. It was exhausting, but it was worth every second of it when she started growing."

Lucifer passed to another photograph of the same bowl, the same golden and green egg, but at the center of it was clear the figurine had gotten at least three times bigger. It was still not bigger than Lucifer's fist.

"Can you see that her hair wasn't still real hair at this point?" Vaggie inspected it a little further and realized that he was right. But the skin already was starting to look less like hardened clay and more soft, like returning to a previous state. "You have to understand that neither of us have ever done something like this before, so we didn't really knew what to expect or what was normal. Nothing on this was normal already, we were in the dark. Al can confirm that I was kinda losing my mind a bit wondering if after a while she was really growing at all or we were wasting our efforts."

"Neither of us slept those nights either" affirmed Alastor, nodding along as he reached his hand to touch the cheek of Lucifer.

Lucifer blushed, taking the hand and kissing the knuckles before continueing, leaving it to rest on top of his other arm.

"That is the thing when you keep watching the same thing every day for hour. It's hard to notice any change unless they happen suddenly and this was anything but sudden. The pictures did helped a lot. The Charlie that was on the first day had nothing with the Charlie that was after three months" The next picture now showed what definitely looked like a little baby compared to the other where there was only a figurine. "Little by little, she was coming along. We haven't announced to the other sins just yet, but we have bought her so much clothing and toys for the room we picked up for her. I couldn't wait to see her dressed up on all the cute outfits I found for her. What toys were going to be her favorite? How was she going to want to pass the time? Would she get my taste for sweet things or turn her nose to them like Al? I could help to form her physical form, but everything else about her was still a mystery. Those were the best days because she continued growing and growing, just as beautiful as we imagined she could be."

Lucifer grimaced before turning the page. On the picture there Charlie already looked as a normal baby, covered in a blanket, the egg of magic around her nowhere to be found. She looked as if she was sleeping.

"One day she wouldn't take any more magic" continued Lucifer, his voice suddenly adquiring a new melancholic tone. He frowned. "She was fully formed. She should have been ready. But she wouldn't open her eyes or take her first breath. It was like she was stillborn. After five months of continuos work… that wasn't what we wanted."

Alastor squeezed the arm of his husband, looking down as well with no expression beyond his pertual smile. It was easy to imagine that they were both destroyed.

"I… " started Alastor softly, but he needed a moment to gather his words again. "I didn't realize how much I had also been expecting her to be there until then. I gave my magic and waited for the best, but many of the preparations were done by Lucifer and he was the one who wouldn't shut up about how excited he was. I just kept thinking that even if this fails, it was okay. We could always try again, as many times as we want to get it right. We could spend all of eternity trying if that is what it took. But when I saw her there and she wasn't doing anything, I…"

It seemed he had been left without knowing how to continue, or wanting to. Lucifer looked down to the picture and started smiling as he passed to the next page.

"I asked Alastor to let me try something different. I hold Charlie on my arms, for the first time since I sculpted her original form, and I breathed into her every portion of magic I could. All my hopes, dreams, love, my desperation even. I wanted to see her smile so badly that I didn't know what I would have done if it didn't work. I had done the same thing for some of my plants when they died, but I didn't know if it was going to work for anything more complex than that."

"And then it worked" said Alastor, looking up to his husband like he was the most amazing thing he had ever seen. "She started crying right there. Lucifer cried worst. Just sobbing all over the place. He was so ugly and pathetic."

"Yeah, I was" accepted Lucifer with a smile. He reached over to kiss his husband on the lips, Alastor meeting him halfway through. "I couldn't even fucking speak for five minutes. She was the most precious little thing that had ever existed in all of creation. I mean, just look at her!" The picture in question now showed the curious look of baby Charlie over the shoulder of Lucifer. "How could you not think that was it, fuck all babies in the universe, this one is the best, when you see this face?"

"The distribution of magic wasn't as equal as we hoped in the end" added Alastor, tracing a finger over the stitches at the side of Charlie's mouth that were in the pictures. "For one, I didn't expect her to inherit this aspect of my demonic form when Lucifer never designed it. But in the other hand, she probably had more magic of Lucifer than mine inside since he was the final touch."

"That is why she is my little baby" Lucifer now made a kissy face to the adult Charlie, pinching her cheek despite the blush on her. Vaggie chuckled behind her hand, finding this side of her too adorable to interrupt. "My little duckling."

"She is still my daughter too" Alastor's ear flattened against his skull.

"Yeah, I know, that is why she is perfect." Lucifer said it like that was obvious enough already, completely unaware of how the radio demon was disarmed by it. "If she was all me, then what would be the point?"

Alastor cleared his throat a bit, regaining his composure as if he had been prepared for a spat.

"In any case, that is the story of how my little fawn came to grace our lives" finalized, reaching to find the hand of Charlie and squeezed once.

After that, Lucifer closed that album and showed Vaggie of other pictures of Charlie as a real baby. Her duckie onesie that Lucifer had bough in every color of the rainbow. Her face covered in paint as she was painting in Lucifer's lap. Her first crawl, her first step. The first time she got Alastor's coat filthy with her baby food, drawing a happy face on it.

"Why isn't Alastor on any of these?" asked after a while, noticing it was always the feet of the radio demon near his baby or his hands reaching for her, but nothing else.

"Oh, he is camera shy" said Lucifer with a teasing smile, making Alastor to squint his eyes at him.

"This face was made for radio" pointed out the demon. "New technology doesn't mesh well with me and I don't mesh well with it."

"So as I said, camera shy."

Alastor looked displeased, but didn't say more as Lucifer kept going about the childhood of Charlie. By the time they have reached the first day of Charlie in the kindergarten, Charlie the adult was yawning and Vaggie rubbed her eyes. It was rather later, so they had to go.

Lucifer insisted on them taking the rest of the ice cream for the hotel and a tupperware with some of the leftover meat to eat tomorrow. Vaggie accepted it all, stammering over her words to try to say thank you and everything was wonderful, while Charlie was hugging Alastor.

"See you at the hotel, dad."

"For sure, dear."

Charlie also hugged Lucifer, both of them squeezing each other for a bit until they finally let go, laughing as they breath again.

"Love you, papa!"

"Love you too, duckling. Vaggie, you can come in whenever you want! I will show you the report cards of Charlie in second grade!"

After the two women traspassed the portal, Lucifer closed it off again with a sigh.

"Tired?" asked Alastor, brushing the blonde hair with his claws. Lucifer leaned into the contact, a lazy smile in his lips.

"Yeah" admitted, stretching out.

They both left the dishes to wash in the morning and went up to their bedroom. On the hallway to it they were greeted by the family portrait they got made when Charlie had just turned 18, she sitting in the middle of her two parents as they stand behind her. Lucifer standing proud with both hands on his cane while Alastor's hand was over the shoulder of their daughter.

There were other portraits like that of their little family, alongside the pictures of a more grown up Charlie growing up.

"I feel like I am so out of practice for talking that long. My throat is fucked" commented Lucifer, unbottoning his shirt as they finally came inside. The lights turned on automatically, revealing a bunch of photographs of the three of them mounted on the wall. Some of them looked a bit glitched out on the margins, like something was not quite right, but they were still pretty clear.

Lucifer sat on the edge of their bed and gave up to pretend he wanted to undress the normal way. He just snapped his fingers to have instead his duckie pajama, layind down as he waited Alastor to join him.

"I am surprised you didn't actually showed her any of my pictures" Alastor took out his pocket watch and put on his nighstand, where a frammed photograph of him laying on that same bed with a baby Charlie that finally had stopped crying.

He still remembered how close he was to falling asleep too when suddenly Lucifer appeared with his camera in hand.

You are a parent now, parents appear on the baby pictures, babe. It's part of the deal you signed up for now, had said his husband and he was just way too exhausted, emotionally and physically, to really argue or make the camera explode as he very well could. It was the same day that Charlie had woke up for the first time. The same day that they thought their attempt had been a failure. Alastor had no idea how truly he had wished for it to work until the moment it seemed it wouldn't.

He had only cried a few times when he was alive, back on Earth, before he knew to form a good enough armor. Never since coming to hell.

He still deeply appreciated how, no matter how many times they told the story of that day, Lucifer never once let it slip how the radio demon had shed tears looking at a lifeless Charlie.

"I told you, those ones are for me and Charlie" Lucifer yawned loudly, getting under the covers when he saw Alastor doing the same. "Vaggie will need to get her a nice ring if she wants the family privileges."

"Please, don't say that to Charlie" pointed out Alastor. On the bed, Lucifer hugged at the pillow, turning to him. "What?"

"I like her. She seems nice."

"Did you forget already about the putting an angelic spear against my neck?"

"Oh, I am sorry, mister I am the big bad Radio Demon, overlord with a hundread souls at my disposition. Did the mean fallen angel without an eye or wings scared you? Do you need me to hold your hand?" Lucifer teased, until Alastor raised an eyebrow and he huffed, offended. "Seriously? You thought I wouldn't recognize one of my own?"

"You barely reacted to her presence, you can understand my confusion."

"Oh, please. If she was still an angel, then I would have a reason to be concerned. But us fallen angel have to stick together!" Lucifer moved a little, taking his hand under the covers as he yawned again, his eyes closing already. "Does Charlie know?"

"I wouldn't know." Alastor put away his monocle, accomodating in the bed as the lights turned off with a gesture of his wrist. "I will try to find out. If she doesn't, I assume we won't tell her either."

"Obviously…" Lucifer's voice was starting to drift off. "Falling really, really sucks. Be nice to her, babe."

Alastor kissed his forehead, not promising anything but at least willing to listen to him.

#appleradio #radioapple #duckiedeer #chaggie #hazbin hotel au #arranged marriage au #hazbin hotel lucifer #hazbin hotel alastor

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zaxal · 4 months ago

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Self-rec time! What are your favorite five fics that you've written and why? After replying to this ask, feel free to tag five other writers to spread the love. 💗

thanks for the tag @ripeteeth !!! i've been sitting on this for a few days because i have not had the fortitude to say nice things about myself or my writing without also being incredibly critical, but i think we're there today.

all of these are the ones that i remember being the most fun to write, the most fun to reread, and the ones i'm proudest of :}

Breaking But Not Yet Broken - Psych, Shassie, M, ~8.1k, 2012

After being held captive and hurt, Carlton's relationship with Shawn starts getting complicated.

this was my first ever whump fic, and it was so fun to write that i have simply never stopped writing whump since lol. like, yes, technically this is me projecting on lassie for 8k words, but it is also an exploration of the loneliness of healing after trauma (even when someone went through the same traumatic event as you!) and allowing yourself to Be vulnerable when you already feel that all your defensive layers have been forcibly removed from you.

both shawn and lassiter are characters with a ton of these defenses, and they try to default back to them or find comfort in them (with mixed amounts of success) but even when they aren't working (and they can recognize that they aren't working), they can't simply Stop their bullshit.

Mistakes We Never Made (Until Today) - Psych, Shassie, E, ~3.6k, 2015

Things pick up from where they started. His marriage is on its last legs, and Shawn Spencer comes waltzing back into his life.

so this is a post-canon fic where happily-ever-after fails, the canon relationships break up (and it IS the men's fault to be clear; juliet and marlowe have never done anything wrong in their lives--), and these two decide to use each other to self destruct.

and i love it kdsjfksd. look. i love fluffy shassie. i love romantic shassie. i love slow burn shassie. but they are both capable of being such unrepentant assholes, and writing them being their worst selves is so much fun. an extreme vibe of 'bitter exes but they just started dating.'

everything lost - Good Omens (TV), Aziraphale/Crowley, Gabriel/Aziraphale (One-Sided, Abusive), E, ~33k, 2023

For two-thousand years, Aziraphale was sexually harassed and assaulted by the Director of Heavenly Operations. Years after Aziraphale and Crowley break free from Heaven and Hell entirely, Gabriel shows up on Aziraphale's front step with no clothes, no memories, no divine powers, and an inexplicable, unshakeable attachment to Aziraphale. Old and new trauma alike plague Aziraphale as he struggles to get rid of Gabriel without bringing the wrath of Heaven down on him and Crowley both.

i saw the GOs2 trailer and lost my mind. this plot bunny sprung forth from my mind fully formed like athena. she was written and published before the season dropped because i felt in my heart that gabriel would get a face-turn and people would get weird about dark!gabriel fics, and because i wanted it to be irrefutable that i knew nothing about the season before writing.

which didn't need to be a thing i was worried about at all lol. but i had a trailer, a poster, a feather duster, and a dream, and i made it work.

aziraphale whump, my beloved. love using aziraphale's kindness, pragmatism, and manners to keep him locked in a deeply unpleasant situation that's slowly whittling away at his nerves and sanity.

i also really love putting crowley in an outsider position. aziraphale hasn't told him what happened; it's supposed to be over. when crowley wakes up and starts to help him, the presumption is that they'll get this settled and then never see gabriel again, so what point is there in bringing up old hurt? i love writing crowley and aziraphale as a Team, but they spent 6k years pretending they aren't, and i like thinking about the residual habits that they're gonna have to work to get rid of.

Ash and Blood - Psych, Shassie, E, ~61k, 2015

A string of identical murders leads Lassiter down a dark and treacherous path.

in 2012 @inouken asked me to write a lassie vampire fic and i emerged three years later with a novel. like a normal person!

this is really long lassie whump with some shawn whump thrown in for spice. it could count as case fic, if you're good with knowing who the killer is in the first 5 chapters.

because this is one of zax's first wordcount monstrosities, i had a lot more room to play around with characters. shawn and lassiter's relationship develops fast, but i had more room for them to become serious about each other instead of it being right away immediately (even tho those feelings were already there). i played around with some OCs and tested them against the main ship. my biggest regret is not doing more with gus and juliet, but the bits of them that are in here really lead towards the strong relationships they have with their respective partners and are v in character and i'm proud of them.

but OVERALL i really love this fic. i feel like there's a good balance to psych humor vs being in lassiter's head (when babygirl is naturally grim and grumpy when he's Not dealing with suddenly dying and becoming a vampire), relationship fluff vs people dying and figuring out how to fight back, and developing an understanding of the OCs i introduced (feds and santa barbara vampires) and how they fit into finding/taking care of The Killer.

Lambs To The Slaughter - Good Omens (Book/TV), Aziraphale/Crowley, Lucifer/Aziraphale, E, ~142k WIP, 2019 - Present

An angel and a demon dance along the knife's edge of destruction together in an eternal waltz. The demon who had been Aziraphale and the angel who would be Crowley answer to powerful forces that care not for the individual cogs in their celestial machines. This will be their undoing.

twirling my hair, so this is lambs, my reverse omens fic where aziraphale is the sheep demon azram and crowley is the star-spinner seraph corvai. it's my pride and joy and wouldn't exist without @transfemmbeatrice for brainstorming, obsessing with me for YEARS, writing large portions of the middle-end and end with me, and making corvai and azram Real with me.

i go into many AUs with the mindset that i want to push my faves off script. i want them to still be recognizable as themselves, but i wanna see just how far i can twist them around the core of Who They Are.

and i went into lambs with the idea that i wanted azram to be someone terrible but not irredeemable. the idea that he would be simply 'evil' and written off as such didn't appeal to me. i wanted to ask Why a character like aziraphale (a blended form of book and tv; this is why god uses they/them pronouns to set them apart from both) would become harsh, cruel, possessive, sadistic, beyond just Falling and just Being that way after. and how to balance that with the softer parts of who aziraphale is (as said earlier in the bit about everything lost: kind, despite everything, and so capable of loving both crowley, humanity, and earth to his own detriment).

corvai is, similar to aziraphale, a good angel. she is what a good angel should be. unlike aziraphale, corvai is a punk with authority issues and a lot of anger at heaven, at god, and at themself. trade in canon crowley's anxiety for constantly simmering anger and a lack of experience dealing with demons other than azram that means corvai lacks crowley's defensive layers of cool. he's very open and earnest, even when he knows it's a quick way to getting hurt.

i originally wanted there to be some question about whether corvai was secretly raphael but i added the tag to clarify later that they're not. azram will take his time learning this, because azram is an idiot even though corvai, unlike the rest of the seraphim, cannot heal, and raphael is, famously, the healer.

i could keep going but i'm going to cut it off there bc this post is long enough and our power blinked so i'm scared if it'll even post and if you read this far, congrats! i'm sorry!

tagging: @transfemmbeatrice @anethara @andithil @alivingsaint @christocentricqueer

#psych #good omens #reverse omens #shassie #ineffable husbands #fic rec #long post

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