#this one was different to write

[ozimagines]

If you were feeling up to it a dating Augustus Hill would be interesting. Sending you good vibes!

Oooooooohhh I agree. In my games of marry fuck kill he’s usually a marry among my friends and I. Real gentleman, y’know?

Dating Augustus Hill would include…

Augustus is a logical man, he’s not really a love at first sight guy. He’s a love at first words guy. When you talk and he can’t get your voice out of his head like some hymn he heard in church when he was five.

He’s guarded, naturally. Kinda shit he’s been through and he’d have to be.

You’re nice enough, he guesses. Not really sure if he’s your type. But he really noticed you when you’re discussing solitary conditions in Oz. The power in your voice. The disgust at the treatments.

He gets the feeling you care deeply about a great many things and then realizes he wants to be one of them. 🥹

A/N: He’s not like many of the other guys in Oz that I write. He’s got the heart of the gentler ones and the confidence of the crazy ones.

He rolls up next to you, asking if you have time to talk later.

“Like a date?” -you tease

“Well, yeah.” -Augustus, probably

😳 -you

He’s smooth. Comes with the territory of having the only two brain cells in Oz at all times.

Calls himself King of the Dipshits

You meet at the mall. He calls it the center of capitalist imperialism. (Sploosh)

Nonetheless, his mother raised a gentleman so he buys you a slushie or something.

Big fan of struggle meals. Just tastes the love in them. Hates when they’re hipsterized. Don’t add avocado or chia seeds or some shit. Just give him his unhealthy Mac n cheese and top ramen.

He’s got opinions, lots of them. And so do you. You both think the other’s are HOT. 🥵

“So why haven’t you been snatched up yet?”

“Are you volunteering?”

“That’s a life sentence I wouldn’t mind serving.”😘

Damn. He’s almost too smooth.

He seems honest, but there’s also something he’s always trying not to say. You don’t really see him with his guard completely down until he talks about his mom.

“She was a… she was a good woman. Kind eyes, and all.”

“I imagine you miss her a lot. I just… don’t think she’d want you to think of it that way. Being grateful for the time had.” You think for a second and add, “Hope that wasn’t an overstep.”

“I think it was. But the kind my mom would have called ballsy.” He informs with a small smile.

He’s always got the words for every situation and every feeling. He’s almost too smart for his own good.

By the end of your first date, you’re talking about the loneliness and futility of the human experience. Leaving no stone unturned.

“What’s something you’ve never done before? Something you’ve always wanted to do?”

“Fly.” You respond sarcastically, giggling a little at his expression. He’s only off guard for a half a second.

“Next date.”

He takes you up to the top of the e Empire State Building. Takes the wheelchair access ramp. Talks about how everyone treats him like he’s on make a wish or something so getting in wasn’t that hard.

He walks you up to the edge, and then gestures for you to sit on his lap. You oblige, blushing all the way.

“Ok, now sit up, close your eyes, and lean forward.”

“Lean forward? The rails-“

“I got you.” 🔥Was all he said in response.

You do what he says, exactly as he says it. A gust of wind comes by and pushes you off balance. You panic for a second before feeling two strong hands on your sides.

“Don’t worry. I got you.”

The wind is whooshing across your face, your arms are out, eyes closed, feeling like you’re flying over the whole city. 🌬️

It’s exhilarating.

After a few minutes, you open your eyes and he lowers your body down on his, until you’re cuddling him with your arm around him.

He takes you around his old neighborhood. He knows all the good spots. One of his favorites is a hot dog place on the corner. Hot dogs for one dollar and he gets it with all the fixings. You try it and it’s pretty damn good.

“Andre. Best dogs in town. Just gotta know where to look.”😉

Watches Mystery Science Theatre 3000 when he’s feeling down. Normally people who talk during movies piss him off but something about these guys is so nice. Reminds him of when Burr used to make fun of old Gunsmoke reruns on TV when he was a kid.

He’s got a favorite coffee shop. (DESPISES Starbucks; calls them coffee for people who hate coffee). His favorite is in the projects. Melody Market Coffee. Takes his black but won’t judge if you add anything to yours.

(Though he judges Pumpkin Spice Lattes. Fuck you, Augustus, it’s a milkshake midday, what’s not to love?)

Gets excited to do guerilla work with you. You ask if that would be a little much for him… and regret it immediately.

“Because of the chair? Honey, I’m like a greased up seal in this baby.”

And he’s not lying. You tag a Walmart with “Capitalist Pigs” and he’s out of there before you are!

You go to a lot of locations dubbed by others as “seedy”. Augustus just wants you to know the “world under the world”.

“It’s like, for everything you see, real life is just below that, and much more lurking below the surface. The 99%… were like an iceberg.”☺️

He’s a little too serious for frivolous things. Can’t really turn off his brain doing anything. It annoys you sometimes, but you know you’d rather him remarkably aware than remarkably dull.

Makes love like a beast. You doubt his abilities at first, and then you never do again.

His hands guide you into the bed, then lifts himself from his chair right next to you. His upper body strength is a force to be reckoned with. He pins you down, working himself on top of you, planting kisses on your neck and chest. It’s an otherworldly experience.

You’re sitting on the bed afterwards, both with a cigarette in hand.

“…wow.” 🤯

“Yeah.” 😏

“I mean just… wow.”😧

When he says “for her”, in the first season to Adebisi he did not fucking stutter.

You’re the goofy one in the relationship. He wakes up one morning to find that you’ve put baseball cards in his spokes. He asks why and you’re like; “kids do this on their bikes to make noises when they go fast. You’re basically turbo in this thing.”😂

Your big date every week is breakfast for dinner on Thursdays. He’ll talk your ear off about how “breakfast foods don’t exist” and that Kellogg created the idea of a “balanced breakfast” in the fifties to market their product.

You don’t care. You’re having pancakes for dinner. 🥞 ❤️

His favorite movies are think pieces. Loves A Serious Man (2008) and Sorry to Bother You (2018).

“So… the guy’s a horse now?”

“Yeah, but that’s not really what it means.”

“But… he is a horse now, right?”

“*sigh* sure.”

Your favorite pastimes are being so cute that he can’t be upset. He’ll come home after a rough day, pop open a beer, watch a game that’s on, and you’ll just come in the room, dressed in a Ninja Turtle Onzie and just sit next to him without mentioning it.

He’ll try to ignore you, stay in his bad mood and all that, but you start singing “Yellow Polka Dot Bikini” under your breath.

You turn to see he has his head in his hands. Maybe you shouldn’t have been goofy today?

His head pops up and he’s been laughing silently for a solid minute. You pretend you don’t know what he’s talking about.

“My man has a bad day, I come in here looking all sexy, trying to cheer him up, and this is the thanks I get.”🤪

You get HAMMERED on night, and he’s working late so you start sending him all these pictures of you (some NSFW) asking him to come home.

You make a soap opera with one of your stuffed animals. You grab the stuffed bunny off the bed, and film a 40 part series with cheating and betrayals and twins.

You wake up the next day, feeling Agustus’s hands on your waist. You feel like crap, and lean over the bed to throw up. All you hear is a low chuckle, and a;

“Good morning, bunny.”🐰

He calls you Bunny after that.

You ALWAYS leave him the cross word puzzle in the mornings.

“Beatles song, clue; animal that eats trash. 12 spaces.”

“Rocky Raccoon.”

“You made that up.”

“So totally didn’t. Look it up.”

*searches on his phone* “seriously?”

Is very, very sarcastic.

“How are we getting home, love?”

“Tandem bike. But only because the Bat Mobile is in the shop.”

“Fuck you.”❤️

Loves long walks and hearing street music.

Heard a guy on the street play the violin and he makes you stop where you are and listen to the whole song, people filing in behind and around you. But you stop a moment in time and spend it together.

You get friendly with Burr. He’s a little stand offish at first, but when it’s clear you’re not going to hurt him like his Ex Annabella, he starts treating you right.

He just slides you a coffee one morning.

You’re about to ask why and he just asks without looking up at you:

“Chemical produced by goldfish. Clue; reason you have to clean the tank so often. Seven letters.”

“…ammonia.”

He grins slightly behind the newspaper. Yeah, you’d be alright for Agustus.

He likes to sleep with the window open. Most people can’t sleep in the city and he can’t sleep without it.

You decorate his apartment. He’s livid at first.

“You filled my apartment with useless corporate crap.”

“Actually, I filled your apartment with second hand goods from local garage sales and farmer’s markets. And anything I bought online I bought while planting a tree in the Amazon.”

He genuinely can’t be upset. The apartment looks less like a socialist hole up and more like a home.

The little bust of Edgar Allen Poe’s raven was a nice touch. 🐦‍⬛

You always get him fun treats from the farmer’s market when you go. It becomes about getting the most outlandish thing.

Squirrel jerky. Onion jam. Can sugar juice. (I’m from the south, yall we got all of this.)

He gets excited now when you come home from one.

He decided he loved you a while ago. But he knows that what’s most important is how he tells you.

So he makes a night of it. Roses that he picked fresh for you. A small bottle of champagne. He even dresses up in his nice suit for you.

“Mm, what’s the occasion, handsome?”

He sits you down next to him.

“It’s that I decided that I wanted to tell the most wonderful person in the world that I love them. That they make my life better in every possible way. That they’ve become my sunrise. As much of a reason to get up in the morning as the light. I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you too, Auggie.”

You two do puzzles together. He collects them, and superglued them to hang on his walls.

That’s how he asks to marry you. He gets a custom puzzle made, and you two build it together.

“Start with the edges. You always start with the edges.”

“No, you start with the words if there are any. This one looks like it has a few words…”

You build the words first, much to his chagrin, and get excited when you get three.

“See? What did I tell you? It says ‘Will you marry’. So the last word must be… I mean it must be… Auggie?”

He’s palming his head. You were supposed to do the edges first. You turn to see him smirking. He reaches into his chair and pulls out a ring.

It’s a lab grown diamond on a reclaimed silver band. Very Augustus.

You get married at town hall, and go straight back to your place for the honeymoon.

You’re chilling on the couch, Agustus running your hand gently as he admires his ring on you.

“Love you, bunny.”

“Love you too, Auggie.”❤️

Bonus: loves South Park. His favorite character is Kyle. Yours is Wendy. You agree they would be a much better pairing than Stan and Wendy.

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

[inkskinned]

okay is she being actually immature or is it just a woman over 30 expressing a human experience you find to be immature.

like yeah. at certain ages... let shit go. im not defending the real immature shit. im not defending the karen you're picturing. i worked in retail i hate those people too. (once somebody got mad at me because she didn't like how our winter window decor was a snowman smoking a pipe. i wish i was joking).

but men at 57 will write books about how 17 year old girls are soooo sexy. they will invent worlds where women have to be naked for "armor reasons." they will write songs that treat women as objects. people rush to defend them. meanwhile a woman at 35 will be like "heartbreak is hard, actually" or "i feel betrayed by a friend" or "i am struggling with something emotionally." immediately people will say stuff like this woman is 35 by the way. by the way this woman is SO OLD to be experiencing this. BY THE WAY.

im 31, almost 32. the other day a poet was blasted online because at her "big age", she had written a poem about feeling unloved. top comment was "this woman is 29 by the way." this woman is too old to still be useful, by the way. she has to behave better . maybe if she was a good wife and mother she could stop existing loudly, and the story could continue on without her. this woman has served her purpose, by the way. she's so cringe, by the way. at 29 - so old! - she still hasn't figured out that her existence should be one of shame.

[butterflyscribbles]

“I just wanted you to know that….”

[lgbtlunaverse]

There's a version of the "don't go grocery shopping while hungry" rule specifically for writers where you should never under any circumstances be allowed to touch your draft within 3 hours of reading a really good story. Because sometimes when you read something great your head goes "fuck this is so much better than my stuff I should make that more like THIS instead!" Look at me. That's the devil talking and you should close the document NOW.

[fidgetspringer-art]

Boots on throats, as promised.

[mischievous-thunder]

The Honey Badgers know everything

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Look what we've become.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[smokin-salmon]

HAPPY (very, very late) BIRTHDAY MIRABELLE!!

[blueskittlesart]

Now that you're gone

[wardingshout]

Zelda goes mushroom girl

[lexosaurus]

If you're only commenting on a fic to ask for an update or worse, to be passive-aggressive about wanting an update, then please do both yourself and the writer a favor and don't comment at all.

Saying things like "Can't wait for the next update!" as part of a comment about how you enjoyed the chapter is one thing, but just going into the comments and being like "Where's the update?" or "You haven't finished writing the next chapter yet?" or something similar is not only rude, but also I ASSURE you it only serves to make the writer anxious about writing at all.

Fic writers are not content creators. We're not robots. We're real people with careers, families, and other irl responsibilities. Writing is something I do in my thirty minutes before I go to bed to wind down from the day. Whatever I want to write that evening is what ends up getting written.

So by making me anxious and putting pressure on me to update a fic, especially in that passive-aggressive way that so many people do, all you've ensured is that when I open up my folder that evening to see what I feel like writing, my eyes will completely skip over that WIP that I got the rude comment on that day because I Feel Bad about it and now I don't want to even look at it.

So please, just follow the golden rule of "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

[somnimagus]

My page for @sheikahzine; about Impaz's duty to her village, empty of people and full of memories.

[id in alt text]

[thefloatingstone]

Appleseed PDA montage to save you from reading endless pages of unimportant politics that don't amount to anything

also because I have nothing better to do, I'm bored, I'm moody, my gaming laptop is still broken so no BG3, and it's too late at night to start drawing after doing animation clean-up all day.

[metamatronic]

(ignore that i fully missed the ask button on the first attempt in my eagerness and accidentally unfollowed and refollowed)

Love your WilliamWasFramed!AU! It's such a fun and unique take on all the characters!

I'm curious about a few things 👀 How did "Eggs" and Springtrap bumping into each other at Fazbear's Frights that first time go? What's Phone Dude's thoughts on Springtrap and also the nightguard he chats on the phone with who's toootally not the same person? And if someone were to, say, write a fanfic of your AU, what'd be your ao3 username so the work can be properly gifted over there-

First Impressions Are Tough

Will eventually managed to convince the night-guard to let him into the office, but it took some time to get through to him—something about ‘Eggs’ having a nasty run-in with a “friendly-sounding” animatronic in the past.

(Also, my AO3 is metamatronic as well! If anyone were to write me anything I would cry fr /pos)

[funkle420]

Turbo Granny blunt rotation WIP