#this one was a long overdue considering this record/song is my whole personality | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lookingforhobi · 4 years ago

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♡ tour ♡

TOUR (Part Two)

Summary: It was just a tour with your friends to explore Seoul. But life gave you Namjoon. Yes, Kim Namjoon, the leader of a world-renowned group BTS.

Author’s Note: This is originally planned as ONE-SHOT but some comments were asking for it. Long overdue because life happens but here it is finally! Please don’t reupload or make YT content without my permission. This is purely imagination.

Click the link for the part one on my Youtube channel

Pairing: Kim Namjoon x reader

au/genre/warning: too much heartbreak; mentions of self-harm, mental health issues; pregnancy warning, unprotected sex; aggressive

Word Count: 12.9k

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Your hands are shaking as you shuffle through the set of keys to your new apartment. This has been the biggest leap of faith you ever did so far. Well, aside from your craziness and dating Kim Namjoon! But you try your best not to think of him and remember the promise you made yourself not to reconnect with him anymore. You are here because finally you’ve gotten the offer in the University to teach- a dream that happened before you started knowing Kim Namjoon better, not just as idol but the real Kim Namjoon. You sighed when you finally open the door and immediately shut it behind you. It feels different and home sickness starts to creep in. The last time to set foot to this country was with your friends, with the goal just exploring what the place has to offer, but Seoul gave you Joon. “Here you go again with Namjoon, Y/N,” you sighed to yourself. Sometimes you wish you are in different world, in parallel universe. Maybe there, things would’ve worked out. Or maybe in another life, you’d be in the same world and life would be better. “Suck it up!” you told yourself. You can’t live in what ifs and what not’s. You’re here, now. That is what matters.

You picked up your phone and dialled your Mom’s number. Living away from home, with no friends around, in a place where your what ifs are, are kind of tough. You swallowed hard when your mom picked up. She was supportive of your dreams, but when she learned you’re going to Seoul she got worried. She knew about you and Namjoon, though confused what is the real reason of the breakup, she knew you’re in for another heartbreak once your ways intersect again.

“My sunshine, how are you? How’s the apartment? How’s your flight? Have you eaten yet?” your mom worried as ever. “I’m good, Mom. Apartment’s nice, but I haven’t unpacked yet. I just got here. The flight? Urgh, I slept before the plane takes off so…” You laughed. “that’s good. Do you have food there? At least eat something before resting. You can unpack later" You smiled at her remarks, you’re going to miss her sweet nagging and the way she babysits you sometimes. “Mom, I’m a grown-up woman. A strong independent woman. Okay? Don’t worry. I got this handled like a queen!” you chuckled. “Like me,” she added. The call run for what it feels like forever, as you talk about your goals and schedules and anything, you started unpacking your stuff. Placing the family photos carefully and making sure your apartment feels like home one way or another. You smiled seeing your friends’ photos. It was the greatest adventure that winter. It was unexpected, the events were unplanned, it left a big impact of your life..and to think about it, it is one of the reasons you decided to pursue your dreams. Partly, Namjoon pushing and keeps on bugging you to, but mainly because this is where you dreamt of settling way long before you knew BTS exist. Your fascination to South Korea, the culture, tradition, and history of the place made you fall in love, added the amount of KDramas you grew up with- being Goong on top of the list because of the historic and cultural twist of that rom-com.

“Rom Com,” you laughed to yourself. The word that got Namjoon puzzled the first time you talked about favourites. He made a lot of funny poetic thing out of those words, clearly making a big deal of flexing his brainy ass! You smiled to the memories of your dating journey. But as soon as you realised, bitterness and sadness took over again. It has been 3 years since the breakup, and you can’t still take it out of your system. You blamed yourself for being a weakling, a coward. Overly dramatic and pathetic. Well, that is what other fans told you when they found out he’s dating someone. Great thing is BigHit got to intervene before people starts digging into HER that makes Namjoon’s heart flutter and inspired. Writing the song HER in record-breaking time. You can’t bear to hear it now without crying your eyes out for days. It teared you out completely, leading to issues that needs professional help. He didn’t know about that, of course you would never say it. You ended the relationship without further explanation. You dropped it like it doesn’t matter anyway. “It was just a fling.” That was what you said. But you know clearly it was not.

Of course, it’s hard dating an idol. The moment you stepped into the airport when you left after your Seoul getaway, you knew it won’t work. You cling on to the promise that he’d make time to visit you secretly, or make sure you can come to their concerts if your schedule permits. But as life gave you Namjoon in an unexpected time, fate decided to give you the bitter reality. He missed your calls, he forgot your birthday, he’d text once a month. You tried to understand all of that. He clearly has dreams to chase, and you can’t expect him to be with you-especially with their growing popularity. All the concerts, and pressure of producing new tracks, is too much for him…and you came along. Another added stress to what is already on his shoulders. He pleaded to make it work, but you knew it won’t. The biggest part-lack of human touch. You crave for it. You needed it. You needed to be reassured, and you consider touch as your love language. And it is very impossible for two people living miles apart. Heck, worlds apart! At first, you find ways. But virtually, is nothing compared to what you’ve shared back then. The amazing touch, sounds you never knew existed, his deep voice moaning your name… You shake your head once more. “Not gonna happen again. 3 years, Y/N. He moved on. You broke the poor man’s heart because you’re weak. So let him go. Let go!” you say that every day, like a mantra that keeps you going through the whole day.

You opened your SNS to check up on your friends and update them of everything. They are already planning of visiting you. Unlike with them, they did not break Yoongi and Jimin’s hearts. They made it clear after that triple date not to get involved emotionally. They knew better, you did not listen to them, hence they named you “the hard-headed, heart-breaker”. You love their honesty though, and the way they put up with all your drama and crying and making sure you’re attending therapies. It’s not that you’ve attempted to end your life though, you just didn’t find any more reasons to do the things you used to love. You started drifting away from everyone else, shutting doors even to your mom, your blank stares , and the forgotten ways to find happiness. They were the first to notice you drifting away from life. They initiated therapy sessions, made sure you were never alone but still maintaining your independence, and still respecting your privacy and preferences. They are your lifeline. And without them here, it is a tough journey. But you know, you were never alone really. You found your ways of dealing and living with it, you know the pre-warning signs. You grew stronger through it all.

By the end of the day, your apartment is tidied up, all your stuff are organised, and you felt yourself starving. You decided to have a walk around the neighbourhood, looking for essential spots around the area. You found your way towards one convenience store, and that is when it hits you. Looking straight ahead, his face is plastered everywhere- even on drinks! You wish you could just have amnesia and forget you ever met. If you could just start over, you would not let a strange man jumped into your taxi from the airport. You sighed as you try to ignore his grin from the coffee canister. You picked Hoseok instead. Their group has gotten huge that if you meet people from the outer space, they will certainly know about them, too. The idea made you smile, and as crazy as it sounds. But that what Namjoon has always manifested- their message transcends to everyone. Not just being popular but creating an impact that could change one or two lives. Yet he clearly cannot see how one group touched millions of people, and continue touching and attracting positivity to every homes. You are so proud of what they have become. Not that you have personal history together, but because before you’re HER, you’re an ARMY first. You look back to the moments when you have been struggling and how the group manage to lift you up. Ironically, the leader became one of the reasons for your confusion and heartaches for the last 3 years. If there’s an advice you can give to your younger self- DO NOT FALL IN LOVE WITH AN IDOL.

Weeks by, and little by little you get to adopt and create a system of how you’re going to survive this new beginning. You have also met some friends which are so lovely, even some from your country. Luckily, when Hallyu wave is the topic, you can manage to explain the true reason of you coming to South Korea- which is their rich cultures and amazing landscapes. You’ve also visited the places on your bucket list with the guide of your friends, particularly Felix. He has been very accommodating and welcoming and would give you amazing trivia about the places. You spend a lot of time together and sometimes he’d pick you up at work. He’s a nice guy, and you’re starting to like him but you know you’re not ready for anything yet. You made that clear the first time you talked about relationship, but not revealing the identity of the reason.

Days rolled to weeks, turned to months and before you know it it’s been almost a year since you’ve moved. You have been thriving and surviving, managing to build a wall between you and all BTS-related stuff. It has been quite a struggle because they are everywhere but you were able to filter the Namjoon you dated, pretend he’s a different guy from the BTS leader. Because from what you’ve learned, he is really different from RM. Namjoon is real, RM is just a tiny speck of Namjoon.

Fate must’ve been really bored one day you went to a coffee shop after work. It was an unexpected get together with your friends when a familiar face appeared. Your heart begins to race, you feel blood draining from your face, and you hold your breath. “Seems like you’ve seen a ghost” said Ligia. You can’t speak, you just stared at Manager Sejin and Namjoon entering the café. “You said you’re not into KPop?” asked Jenna. You can’t find answers, you can’t think. All you want is to bask in Namjoon’s ethereal presence. He still has that effect on you. The photos from everywhere is nothing compared to the actual Namjoon. Photographers don’t do justice no matter how they try. The man’s beyond aesthetic. His hair, that silver hair you always compliment…and did he hit the gym? He clearly did, his shoulders… his chest…oh that veiny arms who used to wrapped around your waist. That chest you used to sleep on. You’re longing for his touch…. You sit there staring at him, not minding all the questions and commotion from your friends. Not until…

“Y/N?” His voice, his heavenly voice, waking you up from your frozen state. “Oh my. You’re here? Here, here?” he walks towards you and all hell lose. You looked at your friends and strangers looking blankly at you two. Manager Sejin manages to warn anyone not to take photos, bodyguards started coming in. But you, everything seems to be moving slowly. “Ba---” he was about to say it, as if it’s the most natural thing to say. “Nam—Namjoon. H-hi" you finally found your voice, shaky and whispered, but still manageable. You didn’t know how but your friends seemed to be nowhere. It’s just you and Namjoon now, even Manager Sejin seems to have left. “Why? How? When?” he asked. Not sure how to answer, you just shook your head. “I’m sorry. I can’t, I… I don’t know how to explain.. not now, Joonie" you whispered. He smiled but you know he’s confused as well. You stood there for what it feels like eternity. You longed to touch him, you wish you could. But reality is creeping in. If you do it, it’ll ruin your Namjoon. It’ll ruin him and the guys. You cannot afford to do that. You kept your composure and bowed, attempting to walk away. Because any second, you’d burst crying and it’ll be no turning back. Your friends will start asking questions, social media will be filled of your photos, articles will be put up, heck Dispatch has its own ways of finding even your whole information. No, you must leave now!

“Can I at least call you?” he suddenly whispered. “I deserve answers, Y/N" he begged. You looked at him, he’s devastated as well. Was he struggling for the past years too? Trying hard to hide his true emotions, putting up a show for the whole world to know he’s doing great? You nodded. “Same info", you replied. “Thank you. It’s great to see you" he bowed, too formal, too stiff. He walked away first from the back door as Sejin walked past you. You bowed to both at them as they make their way out. When they’re gone, the store reopened but you chose to go home immediately leaving your friends with all their questions and worried looks.

You turned everything off- phone, SNS, laptop…anything that could connect you to the outside world. Right now, you just wanted to be alone. Soak in your own tears and begin hating yourself again. He was few feet away, so near…yet so far. You pinched yourself to make sure you can still feel anything except the emotional pain. Any pain, anything that could divert you from the thoughts of what if’s. “fuck it!” was all you can say while opening another bottle of beer. Sometimes you question how you get so lucky that Namjoon knows your existence. Yet cursed because every move means you could destroy him. “I just wanted a normal life! Date a normal guy! Hold his hand in public! Kiss him in front of the crowd!” You started shouting, over and over until you get exhausted. Curse.

You’re woken up by loud knocking. You checked the clock and it’s 4am, you only had 30 minutes of rest and whoever this is means it’s urgent by how heavy the knocks are. You remembered turning off all your connections, your friends must have been so worried. You peeked at the door, a tall guy’s silhouette stands there. “The fuck you want? Who are you??!!” you yelled. Beer breath coming out and you’re starting to get really dizzy. “open up Y/N" he whispered. “Namjoon? How the fuck did he managed to find me? You asked yourself. “Sorry, wrong house" you answered. “You can’t fool me. Let me in, please. It’s freezing" he begged. “Fuck Namjoon, it’s 4am what the hell are you thinking?” you asked him as you opened your door. You have enough beer in your system to act brave as you face the inevitable questioning. His scent was the first you caught. And God knows how much you missed that scent. 4 years since you’ve last smell that, and it brings back all memories. But now is not the time to think about those memories. “You’ve been drinking?” he has a hint of annoyance in his voice. You chuckled “duh!”. He sighed and sit himself down. “Why are you not answering?” now he seems concerned. “Disconnected outside world" you managed to reply as you tried your best to walk straight. “Jeez, Y/N! You’re wasted. This is not clearly the time" he remarked. “Yes, Kim Namjoon. This is not our time! There will never be our time!” you hissed in anger. He froze by your reply, hurt perhaps, and you started sobbing yet again. “In another lifetime, perhaps" you cried before everything turned black.

You woke up with the worst hangover headache. Everything feels heavy, and the sunlight is not helping at all. You groaned as you roll over your bed and noticed your clothes on the floor. Sudden gush of shock rush through your system as you try your hardest to recall the events from yesterday. NAMJOON! You immediately looked for signs of Kim Namjoon in your room. Aside from clothes on the floor, you’re also wearing new set of pyjamas. “Oh no no no no no no!” you prayed nothing happened between you. It will be a disaster, and you can’t let it ruin your lives again. You quickly run towards the kitchen and notice that the bottles of beer are now neatly packed by the kitchen counter, the living room tidy and not a single evidence of mess. “Joonie?” you asked. But no answer. You can’t be dreaming. No matter how drunk you were last night, you know he was here. He was, and the note on the table confirmed it.

Took the liberty to cook you breakfast. Also have medicines for headache. Lemonade on the fridge. Answer my messages/calls.

-NJ

You asked yourself how can he act as if nothing happened? Like you didn’t break his heart and tore him to pieces? Are you that irrelevant? Worth forgiving without even asking for one? How can he move on so easily? You did this, and your suffering for it but he acts cool and pretends to be okay. You pushed the food aside and went on to get the lemonade, which another note was attached.

Food first before medicine.

You rolled your eyes. And sighed as you open your phone. Messages came flooding through. From friends, your mom, voice mails, and notifications. But above everything, an unknown number with lots of missed call logs. You debated whether to call back that number, as if you don’t have a hint of who owned this number. Like on Cue, the number begins calling you. You were startled and almost dropped your phone. Your heart racing and skipping a beat at the same time.

“Hello?” you greeted.

“Finally!” Namjoon groaned.

“Why?” you asked plainly. “Nothing. Just making sure you’re up and eating.”

“Yes, I saw the notes. Thanks" you sighed. Then followed by silence.

“I have to go. But I'll call you again" he said, and ended the call.

What’s new? You mumbled to yourself. It was like that. It started with calls like that. He was always busy, you get it. You let him be, talk to you whenever he can. You never asked directly or demanded anything from him. His free time means writing new tracks, and talking to you at the same time. You were okay with it. His voice calms you down and brings comfort. He would send surprise gifts, too, with the help of Abi and Maigne.

You decided to call your friends.

“Whattt??? He went to your apartment? What was he thinking???” Maigne freaked out. “I don’t know, I didn’t get the chance to ask.” You answered. “Y/N! You didn’t…..did you?” Abi asked with questioning look. “No!.... I don’t know! I woke up with different set of clothes” you looked down, trying to recall everything but to no avail. “You…aiissshhh!!! I don’t know. How are you though?” Maigne asked, concern taking over. You shrugged because honestly, you don’t know. “Is there…is there any news? You know, SNS?” you waited patiently as both of them tried hard not to spill the tea. “Hmm. Nothing so far. Clear from dispatch. Comeback goals…, few buzzed about Namjoon and mystery girl at a coffee shop.. nothing much.” Abi said, as she scrolls absent-mindedly through her feeds. “Yeah, same", added Maigne. They were busy scrolling that they did not catch your reaction from the last statement. “Coffee shop". “What?” they asked in unison. “That was me" you swallow painfully. “Why would you leave that detail???” Maigne asked. “I was pre-occupied with him barging in my apartment. But yeah, that is how we met.” And you filled them with all the details you can remember. They are confused as well, and have different opinions on how to deal with Namjoon. “We’ll be filing our vacation leave soon. Hang in there, okay?” Abi reassured and you smiled as you ended the video call. You didn’t bother calling your Mom about Namjoon, she’ll just worry and you know she’s had enough of you getting your heartbreak.

You let go and ignored the urge to text him again. Besides, you learned that they’re preparing for their comeback. What you need to prepare is how to answer your new friends. Of course you can’t tell the truth. “I attended couple of album signing and other events for BTS. They have very sharp memories,” you lied. They didn’t bugged you again, as it has become a norm for the fans to attend public events. Days pass and you decided to focus on your work instead of basking around the idea of Namjoon, or reaching out to him. But then you receive a message from him:

Namjoon: Can we meet?

You: Outside? IDK Namjoon. It’s all over SNS

Namjoon: I’ll pick you up. The guys wanted to see you, too.

You: Is that even a good idea?

Namjoon: They missed you

You: Should we be talking first? I don’t want them to get the idea that I’m coming back

Namjoon: ok

You know it hurt him, just as much as it hurts you. But it is for the better. They might get the wrong impression of you coming back to Namjoon’s life just because you’re here now. They might protect you, they can protect you. They have been always supportive of you and Namjoon. But the main concern here is- will you be able to protect them especially Namjoon? You’ve put him in so much stress and heartbreak already, you can’t let that happen again as much as you missed him. His image is more important than anything. It’s the best you can do.

You: you can come here. We can talk here.

You were fixing your dinner when you heard someone knocking. You are not expecting anyone, except Namjoon. You furrowed your brows, it can’t be… But when you opened the door, it is him.

“Hi. Wasn’t expecting you. I thought we’d schedule or something,” you stuttered. “Oh, did I catch you in a bad time?” he hesitated. “No, no. I just thought you’re busy. Come in,” you try your best to calm your nerves. Seeing him here, miraculously you’re sober this time, makes you want to cling yourself around his arms. Feel him, touch him. It took all your might not to do that. “I’m preparing dinner. Do you wanna…join?” you can’t hide the awkwardness, but he smiled. The most reassuring smile. “Sure,” he attempts to stand up but you signalled him not to. It’s like you’re both testing waters, trying to hold back everything. “So, how are you?”, he asked while looking at the photos on the table. You scoffed “Surviving”. He nodded and smiled a little. “You?” you asked. “Album prep’s going on nicely.” “No, Joon. Namjoon. You.” You insisted. “I like it when you call me that. And yeah, I guess I am trying to survive, too” Then silence followed. You know it’s time to talk about what happened, but you don’t want to ruin dinner. Stalling, you’re good at it. Prolonging your agony perhaps but at least you’re buying a little more time to look at him. The man who was once you called home. “Dinner’s ready. Wine?” you want to kick yourself for offering alcohol when you want to talk about serious stuff. He nodded, showing his dimples. Your favourite…one of your favourite parts of him.

Dinner was fine but awkward. He tried to lighten up the mood by talking about the new album, the past concerts, the craziness of the guys, and how they get full schedule for the whole year. You are very proud of them, how they handle everything together all at once. “How are you, Y/N?” he suddenly asked. “I told you, surviving.” You replied. He nodded. “Listen..” you inhaled deeply. He sighed; he knows it’s THE TALK you’re going to have. “I’m sorry for bailing out.” You dropped your gaze on the floor, not wanting to see how devastated he is. “I should’ve tried harder. I should’ve... I should’ve fought harder. But I just couldn’t. I had to let go,” your tears begin to pool in your eyes. Your vision becomes blurry. He didn’t move. He didn’t say anything. So, you continued, “You were the nicest guy- RM or Namjoon. And I just can’t be with you. I can’t ruin you, Joon. I won’t forgive myself if that happens. I can’t defend you. I can’t…” “please, stop” he sighed. “It’s not on you, Y/N. I was too busy I forgot about you, your needs. My promises” he sighed. “I knew it won’t work. But at least we tried?” you whispered, sobbing. “We did,” he whispered too, voice starts to crack.

Months past, you focused yourself and everything into work that you never had any chance of thinking about what happened during that night. It was all dramatic but freeing. You stopped questioning everything and decided to move forward instead of dwelling in the past. He is doing well, too. You started to follow them on SNS again, started watching their new MVs and interviews. You smile once in a while, and ironically, their new songs comfort you. You were back being ARMY. Whatever happened in the past is far behind your control and concern right now. Besides, you are an ARMY first. You also started going to the places you once visited with Namjoon. Your favourite place to unwind and de-stress is the restaurant near Han River where you went on a dinner date. It was awkward at first, memories came flushing. But every time you set foot, it becomes your comfort zone. Plus the view is really relaxing and heavenly. One hell night, you were rushing to get away from all the stress of work, you drive all the way there only to be told that the whole place is reserved for VIP visitors. To your dismay, you sighed and stayed outside for a little while. While you were about to go home, someone called your name. “Y/N? Is that you?” You turned around and you were immediately enveloped into his hug. “Oh my! It is you! Wow!” Jimin giggled. “Jimin! Hi. Um, what…you’re here?” you asked in panicked. “Yes, the boys are inside. Come!” he pulled you. “I don’t think it’s a good idea, Chim.” You said shyly. “Oh don’t worry with Namjoon. He’s cool, he’s moved on. We know.” Your heart pains by his remark. “Yeah. But… I don’t know.” You hesitated. “Just drop and say hi then I’ll let you be. I promise. We just missed you having around.” He looked at you with puppy eyes, and who would not fall for that trick? Especially coming from sweet Jimin! You sighed and you let him lead you inside. “Look who I found outside!” Jimin screamed. They all looked at you, mouth wide open. You can’t bear look at them but you turned your gaze to Namjoon. “Y/N?” he stood up and walk towards you. “H-hi. I was about to go home. You guys enjoy the night.” You bowed to them and walk away, but Namjoon caught your arm. “No, no. Stay for a while. Join us. Right guys?” he asked them and they all nodded. You caught Yoongi’s eyes and he looks at you with angry look. You move your gaze to the floor, trying to contain your tears. “Yeah, Y/N. Join us” he said plainly. You know Namjoon felt the intensity of Yoongi’s words, too, but he shook it off. You smiled a little, unsure about Yoongi’s reaction. “So, Y/N. What have you been up to? Are you staying for good? Or you gonna run again?” he asked bitterly. “Hyung. Let’s not.. please drop it” Namjoon interrupted. The guys fell silent. You inhaled sharply, you were put in a hot seat, might as well give them what they want to hear. To hell with all the inhibitions and pretentions. “Look, I messed up, big time,” you started. “Y/N, we’re good. You don’t have to explain. We’ve already talked” he whispered. “No, Joon. We talked, but they didn’t hear me. They also need to know. What happened was not just between you and I. They were affected, too. I know.” You sighed. “I messed up. You’ve been so protective of me, of us. You did everything to keep my identity away from spying eyes. You protected me in a way I can’t protect you. I… I felt useless, I felt like a hindrance. I can’t come near you because I’m too afraid to be exposed. I can’t let myself ruin your career.” You swallowed hard before continuing.. “Namjoon went through a lot, I know how it feels because I got my heart broken too, you know. But you were there to console him, you have full schedule to at least help him get off his mind from me. I have nothing. I always had you to comfort me, but when it all happen, I can’t even listen to a single song nor can’t bear to say your name. You were my comfort, and I broke you. It’s selfish. I’m sorry. I will leave you be.” You started crying hard. Not giving a fuck of what you look like in front of everyone. You let your heart out, you’re

standing there vulnerable and looking pathetic but you don’t care anymore. You wanted to scream, you wanted to say you still care but you didn’t. You didn’t want to hurt them again especially Namjoon. “You know we are ready to risk everything just to see Namjoon happy again. He was doing well. Now, you’re here again? Why?” Yoongi asked without any emotions. “They offered me a job here. I know I should’ve rejected it. It’s dumb. But don’t worry, I will not get in your way.” You answered back. “That’s not what I meant, Y/N” Yoongi softens. He looked at you and to Namjoon. “Is there a tinge of hope when you accepted the offer, that Namjoon is part of why you accepted it?” he asked. You looked at Namjoon and started sobbing again. Because yes, you knew Seoul is home. You knew he was here. You didn’t expect nor look for him, but you let fate decide. You readied yourself of the possibility of bumping into him. Namjoon was about to hug you but you stepped back. “I can’t do this. Not again. I’m sorry” you bowed and run as fast as you could. Away from them. You opened up another wound, you did this. But you also felt relief for having the chance to explain to the guys why you did what you did. It’s for the best. Hopefully.

“So, since you’ve fully admitted to be an ARMY, can we please please please attend their concerts?”, begged Ligia when they announced the concert details few months after the storm within you had settled. “Concerts? You mean not just one day?” you asked bewildered. “YES! I’ve been saving up and finally getting enough money to go worldwide!!” she exclaimed proudly. You shook your head, “I don’t know. I have to look at my schedule first.” She screamed with excitement. “No promises!” you replied laughing. You fixed your schedule the next day you went to work, great thing concerts are scheduled during weekends. The ticket selling was nerve-wracking though! All your friends-ARMY or NOT, help you buy VIP tickets for both days. But Ligia seemed to be wanting more so with her constant nagging, you both applied for soundcheck for both days as well. And life gave you what you’ve wished for- both days with soundcheck privilege. “You’re one lucky, bitch!” she screamed when you told her you got them, unluckily for her she was not chosen. “Well, it was your idea!” you laughed, “I’ll sneak a photo or video for you” you tried to console her. “Namjoon,” she replied. All of a sudden, you gasp. “What??? I said I like Namjoon. Have photos or videos of him doing Bapsae please!” she begged. The memories of your first night came rushing on you. He was indeed great in that movement. You blushed as you tried to contain the giddy feeling taking over you. “Sure,” you managed to answer with cracking voice.

The day of the concert and you and Ligia were too excited and messy all at the same time. Her enthusiasm got over you as well as you both giggle with the posters you made and the outfit you’ve chosen for each other. You were planning something comfortable but Ligia won’t drop the lace and harness the boys were wearing during the previous concerts and concepts. “I’m not sure about this. We’ll be standing, screaming, dancing and crying in these tight outfits for 2 hours!” you screamed. “As long I catch Namjoon’s glimpse, I don’t fucking care!’” she screamed harder. Namjoon, looking at other girls with these outfit. Bitterness takes over. You sighed and let go. You’re not in any position to complain. He’s heavenly, and his dark gaze would turn anyone into feelings not known even to themselves. You shake your head to dismiss another thought of him. The que is outrageous as expected! But one thing that is amazing- ARMY strangers turn into friends the moment you’re in the que. They are all friendly and giddy and for a moment you know you’re part of something big, a family, a universe. And for what it feels like forever you are glad you’re alive in this lifetime witnessing history made by BTS. Ligia decided to come early even if she’s not part of the soundcheck, she wanted to meet all the ARMYs and started distributing gift and tokens to her new found family. You smiled and waved at her when it’s time to enter the soundcheck area. Adrenalin pumping all over your system, like it’s your first time seeing them. You smiled, trying to recall the happy memories you personally experience around the guys. One by one, the guys showed up. Hyping ARMYs and the crowd goes wild. You were screaming as well, and then he saw you. Out of all the crowd, his eyes dart on you. He looked at you from head to toe, and back to your face. You suddenly stopped and bit your lips. The boys were busy saying something to ARMY but here you are locking gaze with their leader. You saw him mouth WOW while looking at you- in a black tight leather mini skirt, mesh stockings. Red lace bralette topped with black leather jacket, choker and harness all over your body. You were cursing Ligia for making you wear such outfit but seeing Namjoon’s reaction made you feel glad. He liked it, clearly. Then Hoseok went to him and bumped him, signalling they’re about to start the soundcheck. Hoseok saw you as well and waved at you with wide eyes and silly smile. Only then you heard ARMYs screaming and you’re taken back to your senses. You pinched yourself and tried not to be too obvious with what’s happening in your body every time Namjoon looks at you. He’s sending butterflies, making your heart beat faster, taking your breath away. You remembered your promise to Ligia and took the risk of getting your phone out. It is prohibited though, but you don’t care anymore. You’re doing this not just for Ligia but for memories of what is happening to you, to him, right here. Like he knows what you are doing he went near to your area, winked sending all the ARMY screaming. Then for a moment, they rested and talked. Hoseok laughed and looked at you and all the members nodded. Jimin went to talk to the producers and Yoongi talked, “Okay this is not in the setlist but guess what?” and on cue, Bapsae played! “Shit” was all you can say as they disperse taking their own places in the stage. And a tease as he is, he chose in front of you. Your eyes widened and he showed his smirk, and you swore as you almost dropped your phone. He was at it- hard and wild. Making you sweat, swallow, squirm and trying to compose yourself. You reminded yourself once again of the reasons why you both decided to stop trying. You were fine, but damn Namjoon teasing you like this. You can feel the heat on your cheeks as he dances in front of you, locking gaze subtlety. He’s enjoying this, and whatever it is you are teasing him as well biting your lips and parting them with a sigh. He laughed and shook his head when the song ended. ��WOOOOOOWWW! Amazing! See you later ARMYs!!!” screamed Jungkook. And that marks the

end of soundcheck. Before they went back, he glanced at you one more. You smiled.

You were out and showing the video to Ligia when suddenly you received a text. You quickly grabbed your phone away from her just in time the pop-up notification shows.

Namjoon: Wow. Lace and leather huh?

You: Ligia made me wear it.

Namjoon: Suits you well, Y/N.

You: Stop. I’m not going for the soundcheck tomorrow anymore!

Namjoon: you got 2 days? Just my luck

You: Rest.

Namjoon: See you later.

You furrowed your brows to his last reply but dismissed it anyway. “Who was that? You’re blushing!”, exclaimed Ligia. “No one.” You quickly deleted the messages and hand her your phone, “You want to finish the video or what?” She giddily takes it and melts in her own world.

After the concert, you felt as if you’re drained. Every time a concert ends, it’s like it brings you to a state of separation anxiety where you don’t know what else to do except re-live every moment. It goes like that all the time. You hang in there till the next time you get to hype with them, and longing starts to creep in. They were beyond amazing tonight, setting standards for concerts to the highest. Ligia was so happy and can’t stop talking about them, now confused more than ever between who her real bias is. “So, who’s your bias? I was too focused and I lost count how many times I swerve lanes tonight!” she exclaimed on your way to your apartment. “I don’t have one,” you answered honestly. “They all hit you in different ways, you know? So I threw that bias list and hype up to whoever that gives me the most feels in different situations.” She nodded. “So glad I was able to see them live. We’re lucky” she remarked. Yes, you are. And to your luck, you noticed a car parked outside your building. Great thing Ligia lives on the other building so you went separate ways. “See you tomorrow! And be sure to wear the outfit we’ve chosen or else..!” she bids as she runs to her building. Your eyes started to linger on the car parked. You don’t want to get your hopes up but who would park there with an unreleased Hyundai Palisade?

You dismissed the thought and continue walking towards your door.

Namjoon: 2 minutes

You ignored the message and decided to reply later as you settled in your couch to rest. But your rest was disturbed at exactly 2 minutes. When you opened the door, Namjoon entered quickly, looking back if someone saw him. “Shit, took you so long to go home,” he remarked. “Are you insane? Why are you here, Namjoon! Fuck, there are people outside! You’re trying to get Dispatch expose you, huh?” He laughed and sighed, basking in the sight of you and your concert outfit. Suddenly you became aware of what you have done to him. “No. Hey, this is fun. But Namjoon, we talked about this.” You tried to calm yourself but your voice is failing you, cracking because of how intense he looks at you. “Why did you go to the concert?” he asked. “I’m an ARMY and I missed seeing you perform.” He chuckled. “I- I mean all of you. Pft, not you alone! You know.. you and the boys, and..” you are shaking under his gaze. “Yeah, and why dressed like that? You know you’re attending soundcheck and it’s not crowded” he whispered. You swear his low, dark voice, would be your death. “Ligia’s fault.” “Hmm” he replied and walk closer to you. You tried to walk back, you really need to walk away. This is going to be messy and you made mental note of how this would ruin you and his career. You know better, you have to. But your body froze, your heart beats fast, your breath shallow in anticipation. The butterflies went swirling and your heart just keeps on failing you. You blame your hormones for being too wild tonight, for letting it take over the moment your eyes lock during soundcheck. The intense gaze while dancing, the memories of you having wild sex that winter. The urge, painful urge of longing for his touch. The feelings are all too overwhelming. He feels it, too. That is why he is here, risking everything just to see you. It’s not lust, it’s not just mere body craving. It’s the longing you both have been trying to contain. You both tried ignoring it when he went for closure. You know how much he strained himself not to touch you, kiss you. But tonight, all of the what if’s and risks are slowly fading. You crave for him. God knows how much you miss caressing his silky hair, kissing his soft velvety lips, playfully poking his dimples. Seems like he can read your mind, he sighed. “Y/N,” he whispered and touch his forehead to yours. “what are you doing to me?” “Joonie, I think…” you can’t finish your sentence. You just want to grab him and kiss him like it’s your last day on earth. “Baby, I want you back” he whispered, longing voice, almost begging. “I need you, Y/N. I need my yellow. When you left, I struggled a lot. I am good at hiding, but this time, seeing you here. I am willing to take the risk. Please, come back” he hugged you tight you can feel his heart beating fast. “Namjoon, we’ve talked about this. It’s a big risk for you and the whole group” you cannot deny the fact that you wanted him, too. You wanted him and willing to do whatever it takes, but what if you ruin his image? The group worked hard to where they are now. You can’t just take it away from them just because you are deeply in love with their leader. “We are all adults, we are humans. We are not perfect just as the society wants us to be. We need love, too” he whispered. You melted, like a butter your heart melts away. Who are you to deprive the love Namjoon deserves? Who are you to take his yellow away? You are coward, and you’re making him look pathetic to be begging for you. “Baby, I want to. You know how much I love you. But what if…” he didn’t let you finish. You admitted that you’re still in love with him through these years is enough for him. He slowly dip his face towards you, inch by inch you can clearly see him brightening, gaining his own beam of light. He loves you, you love him.

Whatever it takes, you throw all your worries away. You kissed him. You let your love and adoration to Kim Namjoon take over. The kiss was surprisingly slow, no rush despite the years of being apart. You take it all in, passion and pure ecstasy. His lips as soft as ever, his hands caress your back delicately as if afraid this is not real. It’s like your hand has a mind of its own, you caress his soft silver hair. His hands travels from your back to your waist and before you know it, he’s carrying you to the couch. You sit on his lap, aware of all that is happening inside his trousers and the heat building up between you. You need to feel him, you want him so bad you deepened the kiss. His tongue gently asking for permission, and you let him in. Soft moans and gasps are all you can hear in the silent living room. Before you could go any further, you break it. “Why?” he whispered. “You still have concert for tomorrow, Baby. And as much as I want you to spend the night here, I do. God, I really do. But I want to-“ “Let’s take things slow” he finished. He smiled sincerely and kiss you again, more passionate than ever. You nodded and he pulled you into a tight hug. “Oh how much I miss you, Y/N. I don’t want to let go.” He chuckled. “Me, too. So much that it hurts. But for now, you are RM. And as RM, you have to be at your 101% tomorrow. Today, you’ve been so rough and full of energy. I don’t want to have that energy all to myself tonight.” You teased. “But what about your outfit? I wanna ruin it, rip it off. Replace that choker with my hands” he whispered. “I love that. But not today” you teased back. He grunted but brings you into a tight hug. “So this means, you’re mine. Right?” he asked. “Silly! I am always yours, Kim Namjoon. Always.” You kissed him once more, savouring the feeling of being enveloped into the arms of your man once more. You were enjoying the comfiest hug when his phone buzzed. He answered but still holding you close. “Yes. I’m here at Y/N’s apartment. Shut up! No, I’m going back later. Let me fucking enjoy my girlfriend, Hoseok! STOP CALLING ME!” he laughed as he ended the call. “What was that?” you asked. “He keeps on asking if I’m coming home tonight or if I want to meet them at the stadium tomorrow instead” he chuckled. “Hoseok and his cuteness!” you giggled. “They missed you, you know. They saw you today, and they keep on bugging me to bring you there” he looked at you, asking for permission. “I missed them, too. But we’ll work it out. After what happened to Yoongi, I don’t know if I’m even welcome anymore,” you admitted. “Hey. Babe, it’s fine. When you left that night, we had discussions. They fully understand now. He even asked about you today. He saw you, too” he explained. “And…?” you bit your lips, bracing for a heart-break. “He wants to make up. So please come with me after the concert tomorrow?” he showed his dimples, acting cutely. “What if someone sees me?” you are worried and questions are starting to pile up again. “We got it covered, just like the old times. Besides, we’re adults. We’re all going to date one day, it just so happens that I got you first” he chuckled. You rolled your eyes on him, setting your head on his broad chest. “You’ve gotten big” you teased. “Wait till I show you. Now?” he whispered. “Not today” you laughed.

Your next concert outfit was the complete opposite of yesterday. You choose to wear BT21 pyjamas, complete with headband and other accessories. Since Ligia is wearing Koya, you chose to wear Chimmy. When Namjoon saw you at the soundcheck, he can’t stop laughing and even pointed it to Jimin, to which he almost rolls on the floor with too much laughing. It was fun seeing them doing the things they love, and seeing Namjoon so happy today. Others also noticed it by the amount of SNS updates of how he was looking so fine today and his dimples deeper than ever. To your surprise, they change some of the song line up for day 2. They added Outro: Her. You have mixed emotions over that song. The song he has written for you in under 20 minutes. You were on the phone then, and suddenly he interrupted you. “Wait, baby. I have something… stay on the line” The next thing you know, he was singing. His vocals that soothe you, and the sweet humming while he tries to put it all together. When it was complete, he let you hear it. “You’re the first to hear this demo. My HER” he said excitedly. “Also, your tear?” you asked sweetly. He chuckled, “yeah, my start and end”.

And now, hearing it after the breakup and now reconciliation, it hits you. All to different places but most importantly in your heart. He is so sincere and innocent and pure, and your heart swells with pride. Kim Namjoon, the philosopher, all yours. You look at him while he’s singing on the stage and it seems like he’s looking for someone- YOU. You were in barricade, so you are very near the stage. You screamed so loud even Ligia was startled. “KIM NAMJOON! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! I WOULD NEVER HURT YOU!” And just like that, he saw you. He beamed and went to you, continue singing. To others, it may seem normal as the boys usually do that-even to the point of taking videos of themselves using ARMYs phone. But to you, it’s different, it is special. He sit, looking at you while singing. You stood there, calmly crying while Ligia’s looking at you then Namjoon then back to you, while her eyes wide open and mouth dropping. It hits her. She knew. But you don’t care anymore. You only cared about Namjoon. Your universe. When the song ended, they did their ending spiel. One by one they thank ARMY for two amazing nights and promising to see ARMYs again. They are set for world tour and you brace yourself for another rollercoaster ride.

“WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?” Ligia shouted after the concert ended. “What was what?” you pretended to know nothing. “The fuck! Tell me the truth! How’d you know Namjoon? First the coffee shop, then random texts, and now HER?” Ligia interrogated. “You have to stop reading fanfictions! Jeez!” you tried to shake it off by laughing at her reaction. “Oh don’t give me that shit, Y/N! Truth, now” she demanded. “Look, I am so tired. Can we talk about this tomorrow?” you smiled reassuringly. “You were flirting with him on the stage! And..” she gasp. “What?” You look at where Ligia is looking. “Babe,” Namjoon called you, walking towards you. “What is happening. I’m going to pass out! You… he..” she can’t finish her sentence. “What in the world, Namjoon?” you scolded him in front of your frozen friend. “It’s taking too long. I had to steal you away from…?” Namjoon looked at Ligia. “L-Ligia” she answered like she’s under a spell. “That’s enough drooling over my man, Ligia” you jokingly warned. “What the fuck, you traitor! He’s my bias!” she said jokingly but internally screaming. “What about you two get in the car before dispatch comes here?” Namjoon whispered. You pulled Ligia with you, who is clearly still in shocked. You were both greeted by the security, no other BTS members. They must have been too tired or having after party. “Where to?” asked one bodyguard. “The restaurant near Han River please” Namjoon replied, enveloping you into tight hug and kissing you on your forehead. Ligia shriek by Namjoon’s gesture. “So.. you two? If you don’t mind me asking?” interrogated Ligia. The security answered, “All information about personal life of BTS members must be kept in private. Should there be breached with the member’s personal life, please know that you are held liable and may be called to address in the court.” “Holy shit. That strict huh?” Ligia replied. You and Namjoon chuckled, and the body guard cleared his throat. “You’re in this mess, girl. Sorry” you laughed. “I still have a lot of questions though” she insisted. You shook your head and smiled. “Shit, I should’ve went straight to my apartment!” she sighed. “I trust you. But by this time, Bighit might have your information. Shhh. So” you joked around. “For fucking real? I don’t want my visa to be revoked over this relationship.” She laughed. “We’re kidding. And yes, Y/N is my girlfriend” Namjoon answered. “Lucky you! I might start crying now” she replied, literally teary-eyed. “Hey, I’m not gonna take your bias-RM, away. Kim Namjoon is mine, RM is for all ARMY” you replied. He tightened his hug around you, “I think I’m the lucky one.” He kissed you in the forehead once again.

The dinner went well, with Ligia talking and asking about how cool being the biggest boy band right now, the groups plan for the future, and keeps praising them and thanking them for all the music and inspiration they give to everyone. Namjoon feeds her with details about the preparation from the concerts while subtly keeping his hands tightly wrapped around your waist. He doesn’t want to be rude but you know he wants to rest now. When Ligia run out of things to say, she finally retreats. “so, how am I going home now?” she chuckled. “We’ll drop you off your apartment.” Replied the bodyguard. “What about you, Y/N?” she asked. “Oh she’s coming with me.” Namjoon replied casually. Her eyes wide and smirked, “oh..” You shake your head with her reaction. “Seems like you both are ready to bed, wearing pyjamas at concerts.” Namjoon chuckled.

After dropping Ligia, you went to your apartment to get some stuff. You decided to visit the boys and celebrate with them before they go to intense rehearsals for their upcoming world tour. They’re going to the US for couple of months and you have decided to stay rather than go with them, besides work needs you here and you haven’t had time to file your leave. You’re okay with it. You have manage more than a year without seeing each other, what is months compared to it. At least now, you know he’s just literally around the corner when they’re back home.

The boys greeted you one by one. They are as welcoming as ever, and unlike the previous encounter at the restaurant, Yoongi came in hugging you and ruffling your hair. “Welcome home, Y/N” he said. “Oh Yoongi, I missed you. Sorry about-“ he didn’t let you finish. “Let’s forget about it. It’s done. We’ll start anew!” He pulled you in and you settled beside Namjoon as they set up their table for after party. “Oh shit, we have VLive schedule! We promised ARMY!” reminded Jin. “Oh okay, no worries. I’ll leave you guys alone. Will just roam around Namjoon’s room” you said goodbye to them and settle in his room, opening your Vlive as if you’re not in the same house with them. When they started the live feed, you noticed your bag near Namjoon. “Shit!!! ARMY eyes!” you immediately texted him informing about the bag. He stood up and clumsily took your bag away. Comments came rushing on VLive asking about the bag and Jin trying to find a perfect excuse. “I am fond of bags” Hoseok saved him. “You want to see what’s inside my bag? Maybe I’ll do that on the next VLive.” He added. Namjoon came running inside, giving you your bag. “I’m sorry” you lowered your gaze. “Hey, it’s all good, Baby. Just an excuse to kiss you, I’ve been dying to kiss you!” He kissed you passionately until you hear the boys shouting for Namjoon. He immediately ran out, hair dishevelled and Taehyung almost choke laughing. “Hyung, your hair. A mess! You must’ve-” the boys cut him out and he realized he almost spilled the tea. They all laughed and being silly talking about everything they love about ARMY, the concert, and how excited they are for the upcoming world tour. They promised to go on live during their breaks and will go home as soon as it’s over. “We know you will be waiting for us, we will come back as soon as possible!” Namjoon promised. “In an instant, yeah hyung?” teased Taehyung once more, sending Namjoon blushing, and his eyes nowhere to be found. “Gosh, these guys” you laughed.

After the VLive ended, you went out and joined them to their after-party. He couldn’t take his hands off of you, drawing circles on your lower back. They are already getting drunk- Hoseok turning into tomato red, Seokjin louder than ever, Yoongi being savage but turns out he is really funny, Jimin can’t barely open his eyes from too much laughing, Jungkook dozing off, Taehyung started to sing every song on their new album, and your man whispering how excited he is to be finally introducing you to his family. You almost choke at his plan. Meeting his family is a big deal especially in their culture. You can’t just bring someone without being sure of your future with her. “You’re probably just drunk. Come on, let’s go!” you tried to pull him up but his stronger. He pulled you on his lap and start kissing you. “So this is what were witnessing every day?” Taehyung remarked. “Hmm mmm” Namjoon replied, mouth still exploring yours. “AISSHHH! Get a room!” Yoongi shouted. “That’s hot!” remarked Hoseok. “Oh my god! Stop! I’m getting turned on!” joked Jimin. You laughed and tried to push Namjoon away but he deepened the kiss. “Show off! Just clean up after your mess. Not a single drop in the our common area!” Seokjin exclaimed. “Baby-stop” you managed to finally free yourself from Namjoon. He laughed and you can now clearly see the expressions of the members. They have their phone on both of you, probably taking photos and videos for blackmailing. “Stop it, you guys!” you said embarrassed. You covered your face and they all laughed. “We’re just happy you are finally here, Y/N. Really. Namjoon’s glowing again. And he’s writing tracks more than ever” Hoseok commented. “I’m never leaving. I’m here to stay” you reassured them. “You’re gonna live here? Great! But I’m serious about the rule- if you’re going to do it in all common areas, please clean up” Seokjin commented. “No! Just learn how to knock in my room and even my studio, especially you Jimin and Jungkook” Namjoon replied. They both nodded, and the night ended with more laughter and more beer.

You woke up with a very bad headache and it took you minutes to make up where you are. Too many KAWS figures, bonsai plants, paintings… “Namjoon?” you immediately called out his name but he’s nowhere to be found. You went out and the boys greeted you, the living room smells like pancake and the maknaes running around chasing after the last banana milk that Jimin is holding. “Where’s Joonie?” you asked Jin while helping him prepare the table for breakfast. “RKive I think” he replied. You went there and smile at the sight of your man. Brows furrowed, lips plumped, he’s clearly in the zone of making another track he didn’t even noticed you walked in. “Baby, do you want to have your breakfast here?” you politely asked, trying not to disturbed him. “Oh, sorry I didn’t notice you, babe. Good morning, sunshine!” he enveloped you into tight hug and kissed your forehead. “What are you up to?” you asked, noticing the emptied coffee cups on his desk. “Working on new tracks. There are so much to do, I don’t want to miss the ideas that came rushing this morning” he pulled you into his lap and wrapped your arms around your waist. “Breakfast first, please? I don’t want you get sick especially you’re going away” you pouted. “Hmm, what about dessert first?” he whispered. You furrowed your brows, not sure if you have the same meaning of dessert. “What dessert?” you innocently asked. He pointed at his groin, which you notice a big tent. “Oh, need help with that?” you replied playfully. He winked and in an instant you pulled yourself up from his lap, turned his chair around and dropped on your knees. “Fuck,” he chuckled while quickly letting his fleece shorts drop. You are still amaze by the sight of Namjoon’s huge dick despite having to ride it many times before. The years without him, you haven’t forgot this amazing view and you’d relive it a million times. But right here, right now, you can’t help but be thankful of following your heart rather than living in what if’s. “Are you just gonna stare at it?” he chuckled. “You’re a god.” You managed to reply before slowly running your tongue along his shaft. You could hear his deep moans. He grabbed your hair to have better view of how you beautifully you suck his dick. You take it all in, tasting his sweet-salty precum. You circled you tongue on his tip, gently running from side to side, trying your best to please your man. “Fuck, Y/N. You’re so fucking hot!” he managed to say in between his gripped teeth. Jaw clenching, and clearly trying not to go deeper to hurt you, you gathered all the courage and deep swallowed him whole until you can feel it at the back of your throat. His eyes were wide and he tightened his grip on your head “Shit baby! You’ve been a practicing?” he has a tinge of annoyance in his voice. You’re taken back to that night when you first had sex, it was still new to you. “hmm” you replied, sending the vibrations to every inch of his thick manhood. You let go for a second to catch your breath. “No, sir. It was you, only you!” And that’s the truth. No matter how intense your longing for him or any human touch, you’ve never bed a guy even after your break up. You can’t think of sucking other dicks except Namjoon’s. “Such a good girl,” he managed to reply before you started sucking him again. Namjoon’s moan is all you can ever hear in his studio and you start bobbing your head faster, determined to make him cum in your mouth. “Shit baby. I’m cumming… fuck.. Y/N ahh” he filled your mouth with his warm, heavenly juice. You looked at him and swallowed, making sure no drip on the carpet. You suck him clean! “Fuck that is so freaking hot!” he exclaimed while guiding you back to his lap. “Your turn, baby” he whispered. You bit your lips and gently shook your head. “What? Why? I want to make you feel good.” He pleaded. “Tonight, my love. You have full access” you teased and bit his earlobe. He groaned and laughed, pulling you closer to him.

You went out after Jin keeps on knocking, telling the food is getting cold. They were all shocked and started laughing when you emerge. “What the hell are you laughing at?” Namjoon answered. “You realized your door was not closed yeah?” Hoseok exclaimed, chuckling. You buried your self in Namjoon’s back in embarrassment, prayed that a UFO is real and that they’ll suck you up any second now. “Shit sorry” chuckled Namjoon. “Pft, it’s alright. It’s not like Hoseok has been silent during sex, too” Taehyung respond. “Hoseok?” you looked at his innocent smile. “Shut up, Taehyung. It was a one-night stand!” he yelled back laughing. You shake your head over their mischievousness, somewhat it comforts you. They are adults, indeed. And they need skin ship, too, like everyone else. Sometimes, seeing them playfully talk about adult stuff and just being their own selves inside their house makes me feel like they have another persona. Being an idol must’ve been tiring, especially they started too young, and society has been very keen to each move they make. You settled down and joined them for breakfast, thinking about how lucky you are to be spending these days with them.

World tour preparation was tiring, even for you. You decided to go home that night but Namjoon asked you to come back. “I really wanted to make up to you, spend the days here before we go for the tour. Please, baby?” he whispered with his cute little puppy eyes. You can’t help but say yes to his cuteness. He giggled like a playful kid before calling the security to drive you up in your apartment and pick few clothes and stuff. On your way back, you decided to buy the boys some ice cream cake and banana milk. It’s a small gesture as a thank you gift for welcoming you again in their home and being so supportive of you and Namjoon. Jimin yelp in joy when he saw the ice cream cake, and Jungkook immediately take the banana milk, carefully labelling each for the members. Jin continues to impress you with his cooking skills, making you feel embarrass for not cooking deliciously as he does. “Aish, Y/N! You will learn through the years. Even if you and Namjoon get married, you will still be with us so I can teach you all the cooking skills!” he said proudly. You blushed at the thought of you and Namjoon and marriage, but it’s too early to tell. You’re still starting over, testing waters,, though you are quite sure you can see him in your future. You noticed him missing again, while the guys are gathered up for a movie marathon. And then suddenly, Vlive notified you that BTS is live. You opened the notification and you see him showing off his new collections in his studio. You smiled proudly as he talks about the future plans of BTS and the new tracks he’s working on. Somewhere though, in the middle of his VLive he showed a pair of baby shoes. He said it’s for his collection, accessory of some sort. The tiny brown baby shoes! “Wooopppss, someone’s planning for the future.” Laughed Taehyung. “Oh my, you’re pregnant Y/N????” asked Jimin. “NO! no no no no no! Oh my god no!” you said blushing. “You can tell us. Are we going to be fathers?” insisted Hoseok. “No….I don’t know. No!” you said laughing. It is impossible, you haven’t had sex yet. But of course, you can’t say that to them, a little privacy is precious especially living with them. You immediately sent him a message:

You: Kim Namjoon, are you out of your fucking mind? The boys are grilling me now asking if THEY ARE GOING TO BE FATHERS?! WTH does that even mean?

You saw him on Vlive reading something and he laughed. You are not sure if he’s reading vlive comments or he’s reading your message. Either way, you have forgiven him for such silliness, especially seeing him how he brightens up when he showed the baby shoes. One day, someday, Joonie you promised yourself. When the VLive ended, you stared at him trying to look mad. He laughed and scooped you from your sit, twirling you around before sitting and putting you on his lap. You saw Taehyung grinning as if thinking of mischievous things. “So, baby shoes huh?” he started. “Taehyung, stop. I am not pregnant” you laughed. “Well, not for now.” He replied making you shake your head. “When that time comes, we will let you know, Tae” Namjoon reassured, “But for now, Y/N are going to bed. Might as well you guys too. Long day ahead tomorrow. Meeting with Bang PDnim and the tour team.” He added. The guys all had mischievous smiles as they say their goodnights to you.

“Urgh today’s tiring, and I missed you!” he whined. “I was just out to get my stuff, you missed me already? What will happen to you when you’re in tour?” you asked. “Come with me?” His question came as a surprise. “Baby you know I can’t do that. People will start to wonder.”

“But what if Bighit hires you?” he insisted. “As what? Translator? You already know English. You’ve been doing it since then.” You laughed at the idea of being their translator. “No, no, baby. You’re needed. I’ll talk to Bang and-“you didn’t let him finish. You put one finger on his mouth to make him drop the topic. “Baby, I’m okay with my work now. And if you ask Bang PDnim, he might refuse. Code of conduct, all the policies..you know.” You sighed. “But you’re my girlfriend before they hire you, so technically we didn’t breach employee policies?” His being a smart-ass on this one, he has a point though. “I would love to stay by your side all the time, but it will look like a huge favour and special treatment especially I am your girlfriend” you insisted. “Just please try?” he kissed your forehead. He’s not going to drop this of until you sighed and nodded. He smiled sweetly and kissed you. It was a sweet, passionate kiss at first but the moment you hold unto his neck, you can feel the heat throughout your body. It’s been too long, way too long, that you’ve been wanting to feel him. You cannot hold on any longer so you deepened the kiss. You heard him let out a moan, a cue that he wants what you want as well. Tongues teasing, lip-biting. His hands roamed around your body, tightened his grip on your waist and gently laid you on the bed. “Lock the door!” you reminded him. He jumped as quickly, almost tripping which made you giggle at his clumsiness, and in less than 5 seconds he’s back on top of you. “Oh finally! All mine!” he whispered, almost ripping his shirt as he struggled to get off. You can feel your core getting hot, with every kiss and touch. He bites your lips teasingly, making you moan. You deepened the kiss getting as aggressive as he is. He found your sweet spot on your neck, sucking and biting, leaving marks as he goes down to the curves of your breast. He removes your dress in one swift motion, leaving you in your lace bra and panties. His gaze turning dark as he roams his eyes through your breast down to your core. “So fucking gorgeous! And all mine!” he whispered as he licks your cleavage making you tighten your grip on his hair. “and fucking taste good, too" he added. You prepared for this night, wearing a front-lock red brassiere that screams fuck me daddy. “Strip for me", he commanded. “Hmm, all bossy are we?” you teased. “Do it or you’re not gonna have any of this" he grinned while removing his boxers. His dick hard, reddish, and ready. You bit your lips and stood up. “Don’t make a move, don’t dare touch yourself “ you commanded. Two can play this game, you thought. He grinned and positioned himself on the bed frame. You slowly pull one strap, so slow he groaned. You are basically eye-fucking him, if there’s even a thing. To his surprise, you started slow dancing as you unlock your bra. Throwing it in front of him. You can hear him groaning and trying hard not to touch himself with your own little show. “Fuck, baby. I can’t wait to slide my cock on that” he growled. “hmmm I’d love that. Can’t wait to feel the friction here…” you touched your nipples and slowly caress your breast. You glide your hands on your stomach, “and here, too. Your hot mouth sucking, biting…” You slowly, soooo slowly, shake your hips to get out of your lace underwear, “your tongue, fingers, and your hard cock here" you were about to touch your self but he grabbed you, spinning you around, dropping you on the mattress. You moaned by his aggressiveness and eagerness. “Oh Baby, can’t wait to fuck you hard, you’ll be sore for days!” he whispered as he playfully bite your nipple. “oh shit, Joon!” you moaned. You can feel your core dripping. You needed some friction. You started grinding getting ready to take whatever Namjoon’s going to offer. “Look at you so needy" he suck your breast so hard you know it’ll leave marks and bruises the next day. You tried pulling him, scratching his porcelain skin. “Baby, pleasssee" you beg. “Say it. What do you want, Princess?” he grinned. “touch me! Fuck Namjoon. Or…or thighs! Friction. Now!” you

almost scream. He chuckled and pulled you, making you sit on one of his thigh. “You asked for thigh. Thigh is all you get" You take it, whatever that could satisfy your longing. You grind, not minding the mess and juice scattered on his precious well-tone thigh. “fuck, I can feel your wetness! You’re wild!” he chuckled. “shut up, suck me" you guided his head on your neck. You want him to leave marks all over your body, a mark that signs you’re his and he’s yours. And he did. You moaned by the intensity of each bite, but it’s not enough. “fuck me, baby. Hard" You’re almost begging. “thought you’d never ask" he replied.

He guides you and you slowly sink into his long, thick, hot rod. Your wetness helping you both settle, adjusting to each other. “shit your tight. And wet..god Y/N” he moaned. With each grunt and moan and sucking he does, it gives you more courage to be rough at him, too. You started circling your hips, and he let’s you do as you please. He tightens his grips into your waist and pumps you until you both find your rhythm. “baby, I'm cumming" you bite his shoulder to muffle your own moan. “Go ahead, baby. Cum for me. You’re a hot mess and fuck I love you so much!” he continued going deeper and deeper until you reach your high. “Turn around, hold here" he guides your hands to the bed frame and lifts your butt, slapping it before sinking in real deep. “fuck Namjoon!” you yelped with the sudden sting, but it feels you nice you have to ask again. He circled his hips, hard and deep, one hand on your waist and the other in your boob. Too much sensation, overwhelming and with every thrust you can hear the bed frame creaking. You had to try not to scream with each thrust, so you suck on Namjoon's finger instead, biting it at the process but he didn’t care. He’s too focus riding you and making sure you hear his praises about you and moaning your name. “baby, where do you---" you didn’t let him finish his question, you tightened your walls around him making him moan louder “inside!” you replied. You reach your high at the same time, moaning each other’s name. He gently pressed and massage your navel as you come to stop, making you feel good as you both calm down. “Wow baby!” he chuckled as you both collapse to the bed. He flips you over and kissed your forehead, then your lips. As sweetly, passionately, and heavenly. “I love you, Y/N” he whispered on your lips. “I love you, my Namjoon" you replied, making him blush.

“I missed fucking you that hard,” he chuckled, as you both catch your breaths. “We have all the time, baby!” you responded, enveloped in his arms. “But… how are we going to explain the ripped sheets?” you added. “We might need to stock up linens here from now on,” he replied.

After cleaning up, he went out to look for fresh linens. Luckily, the guys are all asleep now, more like you prayed they’re really asleep now, realizing how hard and loud he made you cum. “Baby, please consider joining us in our tour? Even just this leg? I can’t bear a day without you..not again?” he whispered when you’re both settling to sleep. “I promise. I’ll take a vacation leave and if it’s approved, I’ll come. Don’t get your hopes up just yet. I’m not going to drop my work; I’ll just try being your translator for this leg.” He made a cute face, the one that his dimples are showing, eyes closed, and then getting shy right after. Your heart melts every time he does that and wonder how lucky you are to have him in your life. Yes, you are never going to let go. Not anymore. He deserves the world, he deserves someone who he can share the real Namjoon with, someone who will be his shoulder through ups and downs. Someone who can accept all the flaws and cons of dating someone like him. You are ready to fight for him, against all odds. You are ready to give your life to Kim Namjoon.

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Author's note: Planned to end it here but I guess I'll be making Part Three soon 😂🤷‍♀️

#kim namjoon #namjoon x reader #namjoon imagine #RM #BTS #Namjoon #bts imagine #bts smut #bts ff #bts fanfic #thirsty fic #bts rm

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redstarwriting · 5 years ago

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Secret Ingredient

Thor x Stark!Reader

Request: “Can I request a Thor x reader something fluffy? Both of them are baking or something and thor is a complete doofus and it's all happiness bcoz I'm CRAVING happiness rn. Thank you so much for considering!”

Word Count: 1,393

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: Sarcasm, language, holiday themed

A/N: Okay wow, this is way past overdue. I am high key sorry I stopped posting randomly, school really took up literally all of my time. I can probably say the same thing will happen when I go back for spring semester, but I will try my hardest if I ever have free time to write!! This one was really fun, I’m just really sorry I didn’t get it tout sooner. I personally celebrate Christmas, but I didn’t want to leave out other holidays, so I hope my lil Hanukkah toss in is okay!! Enjoy!!

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The holidays were always a complicated time for your family. Your dad is not the most religious person, but your sister is four years old and wants nothing more than Santa to come down the chimney and surprise her with all the things she’s wanted all year long. Your dad, of course, is also the best dad in the world, so he happily plays along and only complains to Pepper every now and then. And perhaps the absolute biggest downer of all, your grandparents were killed around this time. That really gets to your dad. He acts like everything is fine all the time during the holidays and just in general, but you know he’s struggling deep down.

On the other hand, your boyfriend loves the holiday season. Due to him being a literal Norse God, he absolutely adores celebrating Yule. He never fails to inform you of every detail of his people’s way of celebrating. In fact, this year you’re going to New Asgard to celebrate the days of Yuletide with him. Nothing about the holidays can make him sad, so you’re stuck in a crossroads between him and your dad. Oh, and the fact that you won’t be there for Christmas day this year also hurts your dad’s heart. You swear you saw it get a little dimmer when you let him know.

However, there is one thing you know that will always cheer him up. Food. And that’s how you ended up here, in your kitchen with your boyfriend with a Christmas playlist blasting. “This is very fun, (Y/N)! Now, what can I do to assist you?” Thor asks, grinning from ear to ear. You bought him an apron that says “Kiss the Cook” on it, and you’ve never been prouder about something in your entire life. What a sight it is to see the God of Thunder cheesing in a cheesy apron. “Well if you could get me some eggs and butter out of the fridge that would be ideal,” you tell him, and he hurries and does that. But he also drops the carton. “Not to worry! If they are broken it is okay, we need their insides anyways.”

“You know for a God you’re pretty damn clumsy,” you chuckle, bending over to pick up the eggs. Luckily, only two broke, so you weren’t out of business... yet. “My love, what else can I do?”

“Ummm- oh! Can you get all the icing out? And the cookie cutters? I want these cookies to be cute as all hell.”

“Yes of course!” You hear some shuffling and then a loud crash. You quickly turn around to see Thor on the ground, a box of cookie cutters spilled out around him. You can’t control your laughter, and he just smiles. “This is obviously very funny for you, but I am afraid the cookie cutters are now dirty,” he says, hoisting himself up from the ground. You just roll your eyes in response. “Thor, baby, we can wash them. With water. They won’t stay dirty.”

“Ah, yes. I forgot about that,” he says, beginning to pick them up and toss them in the sink. While he was singing along to an instrumental version of Carol of the Bells and getting soap everywhere around him, you finished mixing the batter and began placing it on the cookie tray. “Do you wanna try?” you ask your boyfriend, who is now quite literally just standing behind you and peering out from behind your shoulder. “May I?” You hand him the batter, stepping aside. “So all you have to do is- nope, okay you can also do that,” you begin explaining that for this specific cookie you must roll the batter into little balls and place them at least two inches away from each other because they tend to spread out quite a lot, but he just slapped down a glob of batter onto the tray. “It appears I have done it wrong.”

“That’s okay, we can give that one to Loki.” Thor chuckles at this, handing you the batter again to finish up the batter before you put it in the oven. “Okay, now we put them in for about 10 to 12 minutes, always start with the lower time because you can always put them in longer but you can never fix them if they’re burnt,” you say out loud to yourself, which causes Thor to look at you with a shit eating grin because he thinks you’re absolutely adorable. After you put the trays of cookies into the oven, you turn to Thor and give him a smile. “And now we wait! But we should probably get all the icing ready,” you move to the store-bought icing because you know Thor attempting to make icing with you would just be… messy. “So, we have red, green, white, blue, black, brown, silver, gold, and yellow. Perfect,” you mumble, and Thor intervenes. “May I ask why we have blue? The colors for Christmas are red and green, are they not?”

“They are, but Hanukkah is blue and silver and we’re including Hanukkah, especially since Pietro and Wanda celebrate Hanukkah. As for the other colors, there are characters we’re gonna be making. Inclusivity, Thor,” you tell him, grabbing the cookie cutters he got out a while ago and sitting them next to the icing. You sigh with contempt, proud of yourself when you feel two strong arms wrap around your waist. That’s when you hear the famous intro to the most popular Christmas song in existence. You immediately zip around, facing your boyfriend, and begin singing the lyrics. “I… don’t want a lot for Christmas… there… is just one thing I need…” Thor looks at you with an amused look on his face. This isn’t the first time he’s heard you belt out the song to him this year, but he loves it every time. “Is… youuuuuuuuuu,” you finish the beginning, and before you know it, you’re being picked up and danced around the kitchen. You and Thor “waltz” and mess around, using a whisk and the head of Pepper’s mixer as microphones. Through your laughter and singing, you hear your little sister’s voice. “Ew,” is all she says, and you and Thor stop, looking over at her. “Ew? I think you mean, ‘aw, how adorable.’”

“No, she definitely means ew. You two, are way too relationship-y. Baking cookies together? Disgusting,” you hear your dad say, entering the room behind Morgan and picking her up. “Shush!! And get out you weren’t supposed to be back until 7!”

“She got out of karate lessons early, something about holiday cheer. I’ll leave, but only if I get to taste the cookie dough,” Tony says and you groan, giving him a little dollop. “Mmm, sugar cookies. Good choice, sweetheart.”

“Leave!” He chuckles, walking out of the kitchen and heading upstairs to entertain Morgan for a little while. “As much as I love him, he can be so unbearable,” you say to Thor, causing him to chuckle. “Well, you two are very similar. You are possibly the only person who can actually get Tony Stark to leave a room,” he says, and you roll your eyes. “Morgan and Pepper have him absolutely wrapped around their fingers, too, babe.”

“Well, so do you! You also have the strongest Avenger wrapped around your finger as well,” he says, winking at you. You raise an eyebrow at him with a confused look. “I don’t have Bruce wrapped around my finger.” You can literally see him give you a “seriously?!” look before he says, “Okay, that is it. Prepare yourself, I am not going to hold back with this,” he says, approaching you wiggling his fingers. “Thor, don’t you dare!” you scream, starting to run around the kitchen as he chases you, ready to tickle the living shit out of you. “Say it was a joke!” he says, catching up to you and attacking you with tickles. Needless to say, your dad didn’t actually leave, and he recorded the whole thing. Although the holiday season was bad for him for many years, celebrating it with his wife, two kids, and God-who-is-like-my-third-child was amazing. Your cookies are also really damn good, and every Avenger enjoyed them and every time they asked what the secret ingredient was you answered with the cheesiest thing imaginable. Love.

#avengers x reader #thor x reader #thor odinson x reader #tony stark x reader #iron man x reader #avengers imagine #thor imagine #thor odinson imagine #avengers #thor #stark!reader

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tswiftdaily · 6 years ago

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New Reputation: Taylor Swift shares intel on TS7, fan theories, and her next era

Snakes begone. The 29-year-old superstar is back with a new album and a new outlook on life. We go inside the pop monarch's latest chapter.

THE PALM TREES ARRIVED IN FEBRUARY, seven in all, set against a pastel blue backdrop with superimposed stars. It appeared that a new Taylor Swift era was upon us — that the old happy-go-lucky Taylor was not, in fact, dead. Or did it? It wasonly an Instagram photo, just one more picture in an infinite content scroll. But it also came from a pop star known for prodigious hint-dropping, whose fans turn every piece of info into an online archaeological dig.

As expected, the summery post sent Swifties sifting through each detail with a fine-tooth comb. What did the trees symbolize? An overdue vacation? A recently purchased beach house? A secret palm-frond collection? Or maybe, as many surmised, it was new music. One Twitter user predicted that the number of stars in the background of the photo hinted at a single drop: “There’s about 60/61 [stars]️. There’s 61 days until April 26, FRIDAY, a SINGLE RELEASE day!” Another said it was the unofficial announcement of her next LP: “Okay so in this picture there are 4 palm trees on the left (4 country albums). There are two palm trees on the right (2 pop albums). There is one large palm tree in the middle. This represents her new album.” These may sound like ludicrous conspiracy theories — for the record, they were mostly correct — but they fit firmly within the Taylor Swift Musical Universe (it’s like the Marvel Cinematic Universe but with more guitars and fewer Stan Lee cameos).

“I posted that the day that I finished the seventh album,” says Swift about the photo. “I couldn’t expect [my fans] to know that. I figured they’d figure it out later, but a lot of their theories were actually correct. Those Easter eggs were just trying to establish that tone, which I foreshadowed ages ago in a Spotify vertical video for ‘Delicate’ by painting my nails those [pastel] colors.”

It’s now April, and the 29-year-old pop star is in a Los Angeles photo studio, giving her first sit-down magazine interview in three years. She wants to discuss the art of placing hints inside her work, as well as the upcoming record, which she recorded as soon as she finished the Reputation Tour. She’s also keen on detailing her own obsessions, talking up the TV shows, books, and songs that help shape her outlook on life.

Over the past 13 years, Swift has perfected the pop culture feedback loop: She shares updates about her life and drops hints about new music, which fans then gobble up and re-promote with their own theories, which Swift then re-shares on her Tumblr or incorporates into future clues. It’s like a T-Swift-built Escher staircase of personal memories and moments that tease what’s next. “I’ve trained them to be that way,” she says of her fans’ astute detective work. Swift is a pop culture fanatic herself (see: the jean jacket she’s wearing on the EW cover) and has an innate understanding of the lengths her audience will go to be a part of the original creation. “I love that they like the cryptic hint-dropping. Because as long as they like it, I’ll keep doing it. It’s fun. It feels mischievous and playful.”

Through this approach, Swift has designed the ultimate artistic scavenger hunt — and it’s easy to get swept up in its drama, even if you don’t listen to her music. Her moments aren’t always hidden, either. Sometimes Swift highlights aspects of her world just so fans feel like they’re on the journey with her. Like the time in March 2018 when pop singer Hayley Kiyoko was accused of shading Swift after mentioning her name during an interview. On Tumblr, Swift re-shared a fan’s post, adding commentary that defended Kiyoko, which immediately dispelled any conflicts between the two artists; Swift’s post subsequently received more than 29,000 notes. Four months later, she invited Kiyoko on stage during the Reputation Tour to sing her hit “Curious.” Kiyoko returned the favor when she had Swift join her that December at a benefit on behalf of the LGBTQ organization the Ally Coalition to perform “Delicate.” Fans of both artists were elated by the mutual support.

The feedback loop also extends outside of music. In October 2018, Swift broke her silence about politics by publicly endorsing two candidates for office in her adopted state of Tennessee, while encouraging her followers to register to vote. She kept up the civic momentum through Election Day when she asked fans to post selfies after voting; Swift then eagerly re-promoted her favorites on Instagram stories.

This practice of sharing and re-sharing and sharing again is why listeners consider Swift one of the world’s most accessible pop stars, someone willing to not only interact with her audience but invite them to secret listening sessions, or make the occasional surprise visit to their wedding or prom. It’s a symbiotic relationship, one that, as Swift tells EW, helped her dig out of the darker era of reputation. “It’s definitely the fans that made that tonal shift in the way I was feeling,” she says. “Songwriters need to communicate, and part of communicating correctly is when you put out a message that is understood the way you meant it. reputation was interesting because I’d never before had an album that wasn’t fully understood until it was seen live. When it first came out everyone thought it was just going to be angry; upon listening to the whole thing they realized it’s actually about love and friendship, and finding out what your priorities are.”

Then, during the Reputation Tour, she had an epiphany: that despite the caricature that she thought had been created of her, there were many people who saw what others had simply refused to. “I would look out into the audience and I’d see these amazing, thoughtful, caring, wonderful, empathetic people,” she says. “So often with our takedown culture, talking s— about a celebrity is basically the same as talking s— about the new iPhone. So when I go and I meet fans, I see that they actually see me as a flesh-and-blood human being. That — as contrived as it may sound — changed [me] completely, assigning humanity to my life.”

At tour’s end, she channeled that positive energy into the studio, recording the new album in just under three months. But the fast pace won’t mean a short LP. Swift confirmed that her seventh record (she hasn’t announced a title yet; the working nickname among fans is TS7) will include more songs than any of her previous releases. “I try not to go into making an album with any expectation,” she says. “I started to write so much that I knew immediately it would probably be bigger.”

The project will also feature a mix of old and new collaborators (on the candy-coated lead single “ME!” Swift brought in Panic! At the Disco frontman Brendon Urie and coproducer Joel Little, both of whom she had never worked with), but she is unsurprisingly coy about doling out much more information, as if doing so would break the carefully honed T-Swiftian feedback loop. “There’s a lot of a lot on this album,” she says. “I’m trying to convey an emotional spectrum. I definitely don’t wanna have too much of one thing…. You get some joyful songs and you get the bops, as they say.” There’s also, she adds, some “really, really, really, really sad songs,” but “not enough to where you need to worry about me.”

She gives us one more clue: The true distinction between TS7 and reputation is in the delivery. “This time around I feel more comfortable being brave enough to be vulnerable, because my fans are brave enough to be vulnerable with me. Once people delve into the album, it’ll become pretty clear that that’s more of the fingerprint of this — that it’s much more of a singer-songwriter, personal journey than the last one.”

The past month has seen a deluge of Swift activity, from the release of the new single to dropping more hints in interviews about the record and its title, which is apparently hidden somewhere inside the “ME!” music video (current fan guesses include Kaleidoscope and Daisy). But if the Easter eggs from the pop star seem like a business-as-usual routine, she says this album does indeed mark a new era of her life, where she’s been better able to prioritize what’s important to her.

“Our priorities can get messed up existing in a society that puts a currency on curating the way people see your life,” she says. “Social media has given people a way to express their art. I use it to connect with fans. But on the downside you feel like there are 3 trillion new invisible hoops that you have to jump through, and you feel like you’ll never be able to jump through them all correctly. I — along with a lot of my friends and fans — am trying to figure out how to navigate living my life and not just curating what I want people to think living my life is. I’m not always able to maintain a balance, and I think that’s important for everyone to know about. We’re always learning, and that’s something that I also had to learn — that I’ve got to be brave enough to learn. Learning in public is so humiliating sometimes…. Do I feel more balanced in my life than I ever have before? Um, probably yeah. But is that permanent? No. And I think being okay with that has put me in a bit of a better position.” Strong words to live by, to quote, to re-share, to tweet back to her, and see if she’ll respond.

(x)

#taylor swift #ew #interview #article #ts7

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blackkudos · 5 years ago

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Georgia Douglas Johnson

Georgia Blanche Douglas Camp Johnson, better known as Georgia Douglas Johnson (September 10, 1880 – May 15, 1966), was an African-American poet, one of the earliest African-American female playwrights, and an important figure of the Harlem Renaissance.

Early life

She was born as Georgia Blanche Douglas Camp in 1880 in Atlanta, Georgia, to Laura Douglas and George Camp (her mother's last name is listed in other sources as Jackson). Both parents were of mixed ancestry, with her mother having African-American and Native American heritage, and her father of African-American and English heritage.

Camp lived for much of her childhood in Rome, Georgia. She received her education in both Rome and Atlanta, where she excelled in reading, recitations and physical education. She also taught herself to play the violin. She developed a lifelong love of music that she expressed in her plays, which make distinct use of sacred music.

She graduated from Atlanta University's Normal School 1896. She taught school in Marietta, Georgia. In 1902 she left her teaching career to pursue her interest in music, attending Oberlin Conservatory of Music in Ohio. She wrote music from 1898 until 1959. After studying in Oberlin, Johnson returned to Atlanta, where she became assistant principal in a public school.

Marriage and family

On September 28, 1903, Douglas married Henry Lincoln Johnson (1870-1925), an Atlanta lawyer and prominent Republican party member who was ten years older than she. Douglas and Johnson had two sons, Henry Lincoln Johnson, Jr., and Peter Douglas Johnson (d. 1957). In 1910 they moved to Washington, DC, as her husband had been appointed as Recorder of Deeds for the District of Columbia, a political patronage position under Republican President William Howard Taft. While the city had an active cultural life among the elite people of color, it was far from the Harlem literary center of New York, to which Douglas became attracted.

Douglas's marital life was affected by her writing ambition, for her husband was not supportive of her literary passion, insisting that she devote more time to becoming a homemaker than on publishing poetry. But she later dedicated two poems "The Heart of a Woman" (1918) and "Bronze" (1922) to him; these were praised for their literary quality.

Career

After the Johnson family moved to Washington, D.C., in 1910, Douglas Johnson began to write poems and stories. She credited a poem written by William Stanley Braithwaite, about a rose tended by a child, as her inspiration for writing poetry. Johnson also wrote songs, plays, short stories, taught music, and performed as an organist at her Congregational church.

Poetry

She had already begun to submit poems to newspapers and small magazines when she lived in Atlanta. Her first poem was published in 1905 in the literary journal The Voice of the Negro. Her first collection of poems was not published until 1916.

Johnson published a total of four volumes of poetry, beginning in 1916 with The Heart of a Woman. In the 21st century, her poems have been described as feminine and "ladylike", or "raceless". They have titles such a "Faith", "Youth", and "Joy".

Her poems were published in several issues of The Crisis, the journal of the NAACP that was founded and edited by W. E. B. Du Bois. "Calling Dreams" was published in January 1920, "Treasure" in July 1922, and "To Your Eyes" in November 1924.

During the 1920s, Douglas Johnson traveled extensively to give poetry readings. In 1925 her husband died, and she was widowed at the age of 45. She had to rear their two teenage sons by herself. For years she struggled to support them financially, sometimes taking the clerical jobs generally available to women.

But as a gesture to her late husband's loyalty and political service, Republican President Calvin Coolidge appointed Douglas Johnson as the Commissioner of Conciliation, a political appointee position within the Department of Labor. In 1934, during the Democratic administration of Franklin D. Roosevelt, she lost this political appointee job. She returned to supporting herself with temporary clerical work.

Johnson's literary success resulted in her becoming the first African-American woman to get national notice for her poetry since Frances Ellen Watkins Harper. In 1962 she published her last poetry collection, Share My World.

The Heart of a Woman

Johnson was well recognized for her poems collected in The Heart of a Woman (1918). She explores themes for women such as isolation, loneliness, pain, love and the role of being a woman during this time. Other poems in this collection consist of motherly concerns.

Bronze

Johnson's collection published as Bronze had a popular theme of racial issues; she continued to explore motherhood and being a woman of color. In the foreword of Bronze she said: "Those who know what it means to be a colored woman in 1922- know it not so much in fact as in feeling ..."[1]

Plays

Johnson was a well-known figure in the national black theatre movement and was an important "cultural sponsor" in the early twentieth century, assembling and inspiring the intellectuals and artists who generated the next group of black theatre and rising education (16). Johnson wrote about 28 plays. Plumes was published under the pen name John Temple. Many of her plays were never published because of her gender and race. Gloria Hull is credited with the rediscovery of many of Johnson's plays. The 28 plays that she wrote were divided into four groups: "Primitive Life Plays", "Plays of Average Negro Life", "Lynching Plays" and "Radio Plays". The first section, "Primitive Life Plays", features Blue Blood and Plumes, which were published and produced during Johnson's lifetime.

Like several other plays that prominent women of the Harlem Renaissance wrote, Sunday Morning in the South (1925) was provoked by the inconsistencies of American life. These included the contrast between Christian doctrine and white America's treatment of black Americans, the experience of black men who returned from fighting in war to find they lacked constitutional rights, the economic disparity between whites and blacks, and miscegenation.

In 1926, Johnson's play Blue Blood won honorable mention in the Opportunity drama contest. Her play Plumes also won in the same competition in 1927. Plumes is a folk drama that relates the dilemma of Charity, the main character, whose baby daughter is dying. She has saved up money for the doctor, but also she and her confidante - Tilde - don't believe the medical care would be successful. She has in mind an extravagant funeral for her daughter instead - with plumes, hacks, and other fancy trimmings. Before Charity makes a decision, her daughter dies. Plumes was produced by the Harlem Experimental Theatre between 1928 and 1931.

Blue-Eyed Black Boy is a 1930 lynching genre play written to convince Congress to pass anti-lynching laws. This lesser known play premiered in Xoregos Performing Company's program: "Songs of the Harlem River" in New York City's Dream Up Festival, from August 30 to September 6, 2015. "Songs of the Harlem River - a collection of five one-act plays including Blue-Eyed Black Boy also opened the Langston Hughes Festival in Queens, New York, on February 13, 2016.

In 1935, Johnson wrote two historical plays, William and Ellen Craft and Frederick Douglass. William and Ellen Craft describes the escape of a black couple from slavery, in a work about the importance of self-love, the use of religion for support, and the power of strong relationships between black men and women. Her work Frederick Douglass is about his personal qualities that are not as much in the public eye: his love and tenderness for Ann, who he met while still enslaved, and then was married to in freedom for over four decades. Other themes include the spirit of survival, the need for self-education, and the value of the community and of the extended family.

Johnson was one of the only women whose work was published in Alain Locke's anthology Plays of Negro Life: A Source-Book of Native American Drama. Although several of her plays are lost, Johnson's typescripts for 10 of her plays are in collections in academic institutions.

Anti-lynching activism

Although Johnson spoke out against race inequity as a whole, she is more known as a key advocate in the anti-lynching movement as well as a pioneering member of the lynching drama tradition. Her activism is primarily expressed through her plays, first appearing in the play Sunday Morning in the South in 1925. This outspoken, dramatic writing about racial violence is sometimes credited with her obscurity as a playwright since such topics were not considered appropriate for a woman at that time. Unlike many African-American playwrights, Johnson refused to give her plays a happy ending since she did not feel it was a realistic outcome. As a result, Johnson had difficulty getting plays published. Though she was involved in the NAACP's anti-lynching campaigns of 1936 and 1938, the NAACP refused to produce many of her plays claiming they gave a feeling of hopelessness. Johnson was also a member of the Writers League Against Lynching, which included Countée Cullen, James Weldon Johnson, Jessie Fauset, and Alain Locke. The organization sought a federal anti-lynching bill.

Gloria Hull in her book Color, Sex, and Poetry, argues that Johnson's work ought to be placed in an exceedingly distinguished place within the Harlem Renaissance, and that for African-American women writers "they desperately need and deserve long overdue scholarly attention". Hull, through a black feminist critical perspective, appointed herself the task of informing those within the dark of the very fact that African-American women, like Georgia Douglas Johnson, are being excluded from being thought of as key voices of the Harlem Renaissance. Johnson's anti-lynching activism was expressed through her plays such as The Ordeal, which that was printed in Alain Locke's anthology The New Negro. Her poems describe African Americans and their mental attitude once having faced prejudice towards them and the way they modify it. Isolationism and anti-feminist prejudice however prevented the sturdy African-American women like Johnson from getting their remembrance and impact with such contributions.

S Street Salon

Soon after her husband's death, Johnson began to host what became 40 years of weekly "Saturday Salons" for friends and authors, including Langston Hughes, Jean Toomer, Anne Spencer, Richard Bruce Nugent, Alain Locke, Jessie Redmon Fauset, Angelina Weld Grimké and Eulalie Spence — all major contributors to the New Negro Movement, which is better known today as the Harlem Renaissance. Georgia Douglas Johnson's house at 1461 South Street NW would later become known as the S Street Salon. The salon was a meeting place for writers in Washington, D.C. during the Harlem Renaissance. Johnson's S Street Salon helped to nurture and sustain creativity by providing a place for African-American artists to meet, socialize, discuss their work, and exchange ideas. According to Akasha Gloria Hull, Johnson's role in creating a place for black artists to nurture their creativity made the movement a national one because she work outside of Harlem and therefore made a trust for intercity connections. Johnson called her home the "Half Way House" for friends traveling, and a place where they "could freely discuss politics and personal opinions" and where those with no money and no place to stay would be welcome. Although black men were allowed to attend, it mostly consisted of black women such as May Miller, Marita Bonner, Mary Burrill, Alice Dunbar-Nelson, Zora Neale Hurston, and Angelina Weld Grimke. Johnson was especially close to the European-American writer Angelina Grimké. This Salon was known to have discussions on issues such as lynching, women's rights, and the problems facing African-American families. They became known as the "Saturday Nighters."

Weekly column

Between 1926 and 1932, she wrote short stories, started a letter club, and published a weekly newspaper column called "Homely Philosophy."

The column was published in 20 different newspapers, including the New York News, Chicago Defender, Philadelphia Tribune, and Pittsburgh Courier and ran from 1926 to 1932. Some of the topics she wrote on were considered inspirational and spiritual for her audience, such as "Hunch," "Magnetic Personality," and "The Blessing of Work." Some of her work was perceived to help people cope with the hardships of the Great Depression.

One of the articles that focused on spirituality was "Our Fourth Eye", in which she wrote that "closing one's natural eyes" to look with the "eyes of one's mind". She explains that the "fourth eye" assists with viewing the world in this way. Another essay of Johnson's, "Hunch" discusses the idea that people have hunches, or intuition, in their lives. She goes on to explain that individuals must not quiet these hunches because they are their "sixth sense- your instruction".

Legacy

Throughout her life she had written 200 poems, 28 plays and 31 short stories which is a pretty great achievement to have especially during this period of time. In 1962, she then published her last poetry book called "Share My World". Throughout "Share My World" and the poems inside, they reflect on love towards all people and forgiveness which shows how much wisdom she has gained throughout her entire life. In 1965 Atlanta University had presented Douglas with an honorary doctorate of literature which praised her for all the accomplishments she has had and for the great woman she was and still is known as.

When she died in Washington, D.C., in 1966, one of her sister playwrights and a former participant of the S Street Salon, sat by her bedside "stroking her hand and repeating the words, 'Poet Georgia Douglas Johnson'".

Johnson received an honorary doctorate in literature from Atlanta University in 1965. In September 2009, it was announced that Johnson would be inducted into the Georgia Writers Hall of Fame.

Major works

Poems

The Heart of a Woman (1918)

Bronze (1922)

An Autumn Love Cycle (1928)

Share My World (1962)

The Ordeal

Plays

A Sunday Morning in the South (1925)

Blue Blood (1926)

Paupaulekejo (1926)

Plumes (1927)

Safe (c. 1929)

Blue-Eyed Black Boy (c. 1930)

Starting Point (play) (1930s)

William and Ellen Craft (1935)

Frederick Douglass (1935)

And Yet They Paused (1938)

A Bill to Be Passed (1938)

#09/10 #05/15

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path-of-my-childhood · 6 years ago

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New Reputation: Taylor Swift shares intel on TS7, fan theories, and her next era

By: Alex Suskind for Entertainment Weekly Date: May 9th 2019

Snakes begone. The 29-year-old superstar is back with a new album and a new outlook on life. We go inside the pop monarch's latest chapter.

THE PALM TREES ARRIVED IN FEBRUARY, seven in all, set against a pastel blue backdrop with superimposed stars. It appeared that a new Taylor Swift era was upon us — that the old happy-go-lucky Taylor was not, in fact, dead. Or did it? It was only an Instagram photo, just one more picture in an infinite content scroll. But it also came from a pop star known for prodigious hint-dropping, whose fans turn every piece of info into an online archaeological dig.

“Our priorities can get messed up existing in a society that puts a currency on curating the way people see your life,” she says. “Social media has given people a way to express their art. I use it to connect with fans. But on the downside you feel like there are 3 trillion new invisible hoops that you have to jump through, and you feel like you’ll never be able to jump through them all correctly. I — along with a lot of my friends and fans — am trying to figure out how to navigate living my life and not just curating what I want people to think living my life is. I’m not always able to maintain a balance, and I think that’s important for everyone to know about. We’re always learning, and that’s something that I also had to learn — that I’ve got to be brave enough to learn. Learning in public is so humiliating sometimes… Do I feel more balanced in my life than I ever have before? Um, probably yeah. But is that permanent? No. And I think being okay with that has put me in a bit of a better position.” Strong words to live by, to quote, to re-share, to tweet back to her, and see if she’ll respond.

You can read the original article HERE.

#the whole thing =)#taylor swift #interview #entertainment weekly #by taylor

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fluffy-marshmallow-heart · 6 years ago

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Feeling The Music

Choices Platinum- Shane x MC

Words: 4059

Warnings: Swearing? All my fics have swearing. There's nothing crazy here

Alright so, here is a fic that absolutely nobody asked for and yet here it is! I haven't been overly thrilled with the book Platinum...until this latest chapter where our dear friend Shane became a love interest. I wasn't expecting it, I hadn't flirted with him, and when it came time to shoot the music video, I figured, why not choose Shane? I'm not infatuated with either Avery or Raleigh, so I'll just use my friend. Now, I went into this knowing there would be a kiss involved. (There was an option not to, but I'm thirsty so naturally I did). I was pleasantly surprised at the adorableness of it.

And so, I wrote chapter 6 from Shane's POV, and I dedicate this to my bestie @dancetothestoriesinyoursoul because it is her birthday and she told me about Shane becoming an LI in the first place.

Happy Birthday my wonderful friend!!!!!

Master List

Shane rushed around in the early morning hours, getting his camera equipment ready for an early morning video shoot. He didn’t know what it was, just some music video. He didn’t know the artist, the song…it didn’t matter. He was really enjoying film, and he picks up whatever work he can, wherever he can. He’d heard David Winton, a distinguished filmmaker, was in charge of production. He’s known for everything from arthouse films to vinyl-award winning music videos. He’s hoping to introduce himself at some point in the day, he just needs it to be the right moment.

Walking into the studio, he began to set things up with the rest of the crew, listening to the stage buzzing with life. The music video will be called Knockout, and it’s about getting back on your feet and rising up in spite of obstacles. Suddenly he hears his name being shouted from across the room.

“SHANE????”

His mouth drops as he took in the sight of the star…none other than his best friend forever, Cadence Dorian. She was hardly recognizable, wearing jean shorts, an emerald green top, and a see-through black shirt with flowers. Her hair was purple and tied into two knots on top of her head, along with a purple bandanna. She looked nothing like his girl next door.

“Whoa, Cadence?”

She sprints forward and gives him a way overdue hug. “What on earth are you doing here?”

“I signed up as a camera assistant for a music video shoot, but they didn’t tell me it would be your video” He exclaimed.

“That’s amazing! I hope we get to spend a lot of time together…We have so much to catch up on! I’ve barely seen you.” She squealed in delight.

Shane just grinned, not even knowing what to say. Her excitement of seeing him was blowing him away. She’s always happy to see me but…this is a whole new level. What is going on? Why are her eyes sparkling that way?

“A-hem. We must get started.”

Cadence eyes widened. “Right! Of course, sorry. Shane, I’ll catch you later!”

“Go kill it!” He called after her, as she sprinted back across the set, straight to…Shane gulped. David Winton.

David Winton. She’s talking to THE David Winton!!?? Of course she is, she’s the star, of course, that makes sense.

Shane continued helping the rest of the crew set up. He kept glancing over at Cadence as she spoke animatedly with several people. He inched closer to hear the conversation.

“The backdrop should be a tropical each” She was saying. Shane smiled to himself. She’s always loved the beach. She’d always said that one day, she’d make music on the beach, and now here she was, making it happen.

David steepled his fingers together. “An excellent choice, young Cadence, I see it now…The beach as liminal space. The serene ocean waters…and the chaos that lies beneath! Now, I have one last question. Given that this short film is to be a romance…”

Shane dropped his tool with a clatter but luckily no one seemed to notice. A romance? She’s shooting a romance? But I thought this was about getting back up after falling and…

“Shane? Come over here a minute!”

His eyes snapped back up as Cadence waved him over, both David Winton and another woman staring at him blankly.

As Cadence explains to him the situation, he could feel himself becoming nervous. Me? She wants me to be in the video? Why not Raleigh? Why not Avery? Or anyone recognizable? I’m no one.

“Chemistry is difficult to fake.” David explained. “The two of you are best friends? The chemistry is already there! I can see it now! Two young lovers finally realizing the true potential of their relationship! Feelings that have been hidden so deep down, they didn’t even know they existed!”

Shane gapes at him a moment. “Wait. Are you sure? But I…I’m not an actor. I’m strictly a behind the cameras person.”

Cadence grabbed both of his hands in hers. “Look, Shane…I’ve known you forever. I’m terrified of doing this, and I just need…I need you up there with me. Okay?”

Shane’s heart was pounding. When I woke up this morning, I was not expecting anything like this to happen.

“You’ve got to be kidding me. He’s a nobody!” The woman exclaimed.

Cadence turned and glared at her. “He’s not a nobody to me. This is my best friend.” She grabbed his arm and led him off to the side, speaking in a whisper. “Besides, Shane, you love Dave Winton. This is your chance to get noticed!”

Shane found himself agreeing readily. She squealed again, wrapping him in a giant hug, and he was overcome with her presence. It had only been a month, but it felt like they’d been apart for ages. Did she always smell this good? Was her skin always this soft? Has she always fit so perfectly in my arms?

He pulled back. “All right. So I’ll, uh…head along to hair and makeup then!” He gave a wide smile. He was nervous, but extremely excited. This could be his big break. His film idol is going to be directing him all day. This is insane!! Thank you, Cadence!!

To his great relief, he was mainly left with his regular image, and in no time he was back on set. For a few minutes, David goes over staging for the scene, and they rehearse the scene together as Cadence mouths along to the recording.

Shane was in awe of her. He always knew that she’d make it big. He’d missed her big One In A Million win, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to miss this. He was so grateful she chose him to star with her. It will be a memory for the ages.

“So you see? Your love interest is your lifeline in the story, when everything else has you down. Together, you triumph over the forces that landed you on this metaphorical desert island of the soul.”

“Got it! I think.” Cadence caught Shane’s eye and they burst into a fit of giggles. Starting again, Shane couldn’t keep his hands off her…per David’s direction, of course.

No other reason! David Winton wants us close, so we’re close. And she’s my best friend so we’ve touched lots of times…not like that but…we have…ah crap! He could feel himself blushing more and more, every time she danced around him, grabbing his hand, placing it on her waist, teasing him mercilessly with fuck me eyes and flirty moves. He was captivated. This was a whole new Cadence.

Confident. Sexy. Funny. Gorgeous.

“You okay?” She whispered loudly as he spun her around, her back pressed against his chest, looking into his eyes while still swaying her hips.

“Just hot!” He nodded vigorously. She rose an eyebrow but didn’t ask anything else, to his great relief. Suddenly she was grinding on him, and he felt his dick twitch.

Fuck!!

He spun her out quickly, as though it was all part of the scene, hoping she was none the wiser.

Some time later…

David Winton clapped his hands together. “All right, everybody, take five! Imbibe nourishment and fresh air. Consider your character’s ethos.”

Cadence sprints to the craft services table, where Shane joins her.

“Wow, this is amazing! I’m learning so much! Thanks, Cadence. I don’t know why I was ever nervous about playing your love interest. This was so worth it.” I’m just going to forget any type of weird feelings I may have had up there. We’re professionals right now, that’s it. She’s in character. I’m in character. Totally it.

“Aww, Shane. I’m glad we get to help each other out today.” She smiled at him, and he smiled right back.

“Alright! That was five! Places everyone! Let’s get back to it.” David announced.

Cadence laughed. “Ready? We’re probably almost done. I think. I hope.”

Together they walk back to the stage. Cadence grabs the prop for the scene in preparation, a fake glass of tequila sunrise. Then she picks up a guitar that Shane’s never seen before…except for when she performed on One In A Million. He’d just assumed it was part of that show. But now she’s carrying it around like she owns it.

I wonder what the deal is with that. How did she get such a fancy guitar so fast? The Cadence I know wouldn’t have given up her old faithful so quickly…

Then he realized David Winton was talking again. “Now, see, something’s been missing from those first fifty-two takes, and I’ve finally identified what it is. This is a love song, and yet the love simply isn’t palpable.”

“What do you mean? How are we supposed to make the love…palp?” Cadence asked, sounding confused.

“Well, when one person loves another, traditionally, how do they express it?”

Oh no. “Is he…is he talking about…”

“Kissing! Kissing, you fools!

Hold up. “Wait. You...you want us to…”

“Yes.” He interrupted. “Would you be amenable, then? To a brief kiss in the scene?”

Holy crap. This is not happening. There’s no way I can kiss her! No possible way! And I know she feels like that too…

“I think…we should kiss onscreen.” Cadence said slowly, before looking at Shane in surprise, as if she couldn’t believe she’d just said that out loud. “If it’s alright with you, of course!” She finished a little too loudly.

Oh crap. “Oh! Yes, of course! I mean, as long as you’re comfortable with it!” Oh my god, am I that loud too?

She flashed him a killer smile. “I am.”

Really? She…is? It’s not going to make things weird? I hope it doesn’t make things weird. She’s like my sister.

David lit up. “Wonderful! Lights! Camera! Surrealism!”

Cadence lip syncs again, and as she sings the last line of the song, she sets her instrument aside and turns to Shane. He takes a deep breath. She’s been his best friend since they were four. He rests a hand on her waist, leans in close, and whispers in her ear.

“Are we actually doing this? Are we really, actually doing this?”

We can still do something else.

She whispers back. “We are. We are really, actually doing this.”

She leans in and their lips gently connect. Oh my god, I’m kissing Cadence. On the mouth. And she’s kissing me. And she’s good at it. Fuck me, her lips are so soft, so sweet, I need…oh god, I need to taste her.

He removes one of his hands from her waist and cups her face in it, while moving the other hand to the small of her back, pressing her flush against him, and parting her lips with his own and sweeping his tongue inside. She moaned lightly, and all sorts of images flashed in his mind. Images of her. Moaning. Screaming. Writhing in pleasure beneath him. On top of him. Everywhere.

“CUT! Brilliant! We’ve got it! We have created a piece de resistance that will outlive and outlast us!”

Shane freezes, feeling Cadence doing the same as David’s voice boomed. They quickly break apart as the crew begins to break down the set.

Shane rubs the back of his neck nervously. “So. Um.”

“Yeah. Um.” She stammered.

They stared at each other a moment before he finally clears his throat. “I’m gonna go and…uh…”

“Right. Yeah. Totally.” She agrees, a strange look still on her face.

Shane shrinks into himself and slips off into the crowd of crew members, his thoughts running wild.

Was that a real kiss or was that a stage kiss? That felt real. It felt…very real. Shit, I just kissed Cadence. Cadence. I’ve seen her eating play-doh, what the hell is the matter with me? I shouldn’t have been in the video. I should have said no. I should’ve stayed behind the cameras.

Leaving the building, his thoughts turned to the way the he pressed her tight against him, the way he demanded more from her, needed more of her. He could still hear and feel her moaning into his mouth.

Shane sees her exit the building and sign autographs. Before he could stop himself, he approached her.

“Oh, hey! What are you doing out here?”

“I’m just waiting for my ride. What about you?” She asked.

“Also waiting for my ride.” He paused a moment before continuing. “So, um, listen, about that kiss…I just wanted to say I’m really sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable, or if…”

“No, not at all!” She responded, Looking surprised. “Not uncomfortable. In fact, I’m sorry of I made you feel uncomfortable.”

“No, you didn’t! Not at all! So, we’re agreed. We’re cool with the kiss, and things are not awkward at all.” He rambled.

She grinned. “Exactly! Great! Can I just say that I’m really glad you’re with me in this world? I feel like so many of these people have forgotten what it’s like to be…normal.”

His expression soured “Yeah. Tell me about it. One guy on the crew offered to read my aura for $599.99.”

Then an idea occurred to him. “If you want to get away from all of this just for a little while, me and my roommates are throwing a party back in our loft in NoHo.”

Her face lit up, the face he was so familiar with, no longer masked by makeup and wigs. “That sounds amazing. I still haven’t seen your dorm!”

He watched as the light then vanished from her eyes. “But I’m worried about getting recognized. It’s starting to get more common.”

Man, she looks so sad. That’s it. She needs to come. “I mean, we could throw together a disguise for you. I bet your stylist has a lot of looks and wigs leftover from the music video shoot.”

Her green eyes brightened again. “Wow, getting to dress up as someone else and pretend to be normal again sounds really fun.”

He slapped her fondly on her back. “And, man, we’d finally get to catch up! I feel like it’s been forever. I miss you!”

“I miss you, too!” She launched herself into his arms, and he held her tightly, wondering what was going on with her. He was kicking himself for not keeping in touch like he should.

Why haven’t I been? I know I’m busy but…wow, that’s a really lame excuse. And damn, she’s so soft and warm.

They go back inside and rummage back through the set until she finds a disguise. He averts his eyes as she changes.

“Okay. I’m ready. What do you think?”

He looked back at her and his breath caught in his throat. Now she had hot pink hair, a black one shoulder crop top, extremely short denim shorts, a black belt, layered necklaces…and her glasses.

It took him a moment to find his voice again. “Damn, Cadence, you look great! Loving the hair. Is this your version of a Sasha Fierce alter ego?”

She let out a loud laugh. “Thanks, Shane. Man, I haven’t been to a college house party since that dead week trip we did when we were seniors. Do grad students go hard?”

He shrugged. “I guess we’ll have to see.”

After a quick subway ride, they glide through the doors of Shane’s dorm, the party already in full swing. Dozens of students fill the space, music blasts in the speakers, and red cups clutter the ping pong table.

He leads them to the drink station and mixes them each a hard drink before turning back to her. “So, what do you think? Is this as cool as Propaganda?”

“Oh, much cooler. I feel like I’m right back I my element. Come on, let’s talk about what’s going on with you.”

They find a quiet corner of the dorm and sip on their drinks while watching the party.

“So do you guys host parties here a lot?” She asks.

“Here and there. But I spend so much time in class or trying to get work experience. And then when I do have free time I use it for…you know. Sleeping. Eating.” He admitted sheepishly.

She bumped his shoulder with her own. “Aww, Shane. One month into grad school and already working yourself to the bone.”

He scoffed. “I mean, I’m having the time of my life! The people are amazing,”

“Isn’t it hard, though? Balancing everything?”

He nodded. “It’s hard, but it’s a good kind of hard. When you really care about someone…”

Wait, what?? “I mean, something…even when it’s hard, it still feels good. It still feels rewarding.”

Cadence was gaping at him. “Wait…Someone? Shane, oh my god, have you met someone already? Tell me, tell me!”

She’s…excited? But…really? It’s only been a month…

He shook his head. “Um, no, I just…I misspoke. Let’s get another drink!” He stood abruptly and led her back to the fridge for another round of drinks, when suddenly…he grabs her arm excitedly. “Oh my god, Cadence, they’re playing your song from the One In a Million finale!”

“No way!” She gasps, as students around them sing along, arm in arm, raising their cups.

“This is my new favorite song!”

“Right? I think it was the best performance on One in a Mil, maybe ever.”

“You hearing this, Cadence?” He looks over at her shocked face, pride and warmth swelling throughout him.

“Wow, I can’t believe it! It feels amazing to hear about it while being anonymous!” Her eyes were wide and almost…glistening?

What the hell? “Then I’m sure you needed the break.”

All around them, the party breaks out into people dancing to her song.

She whirls on him. “May I have this dance?” Putting out an overly formal accent, she places her hand out for Shane to take.

He looks at it in surprise. “Really? I mean, I know I’m not the best dancer, but…”

“Come on, Shane. You tore up the floor at our senior prom. Not to mention you just danced in a music video. Trust me. You’ve got moves.”

He felt a blush rise to his cheeks. “Then…Of course, m’lady.”

Shane gives her what he’s sure is this shy, stupidly cute grin, and he puts his hands on her waist and…he pulls her close to him. So close. He can smell her light scent of amber and…oh no. I’m feeling…feelings. I’m feeling all kinds of feelings. Get a grip, man! What is wrong with you?! This is Cadence! You’re best friend! The girl next door! You used to bet which color play-doh tasted best!

But he can’t stop. He can’t back away. Instead, he leans forward, resting his forehead against hers. “I’m so glad you’re finally here, Cadence. I’ve missed you so much.” He murmured quietly.

“Yeah? I’ve missed you too, Shane…” She whispered.

They’re close. They’re really close, her lips are a breath away, and the thoughts erupt in his head again. Thoughts of kissing her. He doesn’t want to admit it. He doesn’t want to admit that a single kiss may have changed things for them. For him.

As the song comes to a close she spoke again. “Man, who would’ve thought we’d be dancing to my song one day.”

His brown eyes met her green ones. “I did. I’ve always believed you could do it, Cadence.” He watched a blush cross her features this time, and he brushed a strand of pink hair out of her face. “Come on.” He takes her hand and they climb onto the fire escape together.

She lets out a low whistle, taking in the view. “Okay. NoHo, you win.”

A chuckle escaped his lips. “I bet the apartment the label put you up in isn’t too shabby, right?”

“It’s amazing. I just wish our neighborhoods were a bit closer. This city’s so sprawling.” She frowned, and he took her chin with his fingers and made her look at him again before letting go.

“Hey, where there’s a will, there’s a way. We’ve gotten into too much trouble to break the tradition now.”

“Yeah, we got away with so much nonsense when we were kids. Do you remember that time we got married in front of our teddy bears?”

“Oh, my god, yes!” He gasped. “Mr. Fuddlewuddle was the pastor!”

“And Barbie was my maid of honor! So kind of her to be in our wedding party. Even though we beheaded her and amputated her plastic limbs…” She smirked at him.

“Poor Barbie. Suffering in the name of science.” He agreed.

“You know, I hate to break it to you, Shane, but I don’t think the ceremony was legally binding. I mean. Unless Mr. Fuddlewuddle went out and got ordained without us knowing.”

He shrugged with a smile. “Regardless, the reception was great. Orange Kool-Aid. Oreos. Mac and Cheese with little cut-up hot dogs, courtesy of your dad.”

“Oh, yes. We were party planners extraordinaire. Oh! And do you remember when we had to raise an egg as our child?”

He burst out laughing. “Yes! Our little John Jacob Jingleheimer-Schmidt!”

“Can’t believe we were advanced enough to give our egg a hyphenated last name.” She joked.

“And we made it the whole week without putting one single crack in that little guy!”

Cadence grimaced. “He really reeked by the end of the assignment, though. And then we rode our bikes out to the overpass just to drop him on some unsuspecting vehicle.”

“Man, it was so hot out too. We watched our son fry to death, right there on the car’s sunroof.”

“Okay, but we were really good parents up until we threw him into traffic.” She stopped speaking a moment before starting again. “I had an awesome time tonight, Shane. We need to do this again sometime.”

Shane slid his eyes over to her. “Yeah, for sure. I know you’re super busy all the time, but…”

“But I’ll make time for you. I’ll always make time for you.” She answered softly. Standing looking out over the city, she rests her head on Shane’s shoulder. He puts a warm, comforting arm around her, and they watch the cars go by.

“Shane…” Cadence tilts her head up to gaze into his eyes, their faces only inches apart.

Oh god…Should I kiss her again? This feels like a moment…

“Cadence…About that kiss, at the shoot…” He started, before a sudden crash sounded from inside and the music cut short.

“Ooooow!” Someone groaned.

Shane looks inside. “Oh, shoot! Looks like a keg stand gone bad. I better go handle that.”

She opened her mouth, closed it, then opened it again. “I should head back anyway. I have an early morning studio session tomorrow.” She gives him one last hug before Shane goes back inside to handle the situation, watching quietly as she slips out the door.

The following morning, someone’s banging on his bedroom door. “Yo Shane! Get up, man, you’re famous!”

He groaned into his pillow. After Cadence left he’d pounded the liquor, trying to forget that one kiss had brought him to his knees. His head was throbbing. He reached over and grabbed his phone, disappointed that she didn’t let him know when she arrived home. There was, however, a link from one of his friends. Opening it, he gasped, sitting straight up. Her music video already has hit one million views. He watched himself dance around with his best friend, noticing how wide his smile was, seeing how much fun they were having together. But then he watched the kiss. He saw it transform, right before his very own eyes. One second he was hesitant, while in the next it became one of the best kisses he’s ever witnessed. He pressed pause.

And I’m a film student. I’m a camera man. I’ve seen a lot of kisses. That…that looks real. That looks intimate. That looks…

He sighed, laying back down and looking at the screen, which he’d managed to pause at the exact moment they were breaking apart, their lips still hovering close, eyes still closed, his hand in her hair. He scrubbed his hand down his face.

I need to know. I need to know if there’s real merit to these feelings. I need to know if she felt anything at all. I need to kiss her again…no. I want to kiss her again. Damn it, Cadence. What the hell are we doing?

@annekebbphotography @gardeningourmet @zigortega4life @eileendannie @thequeenofcronuts @drakewalkerfantasy @friedherringclodthing @coffeebeandragon @drakewalker04 @jlpplays1 @desiree-0816

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@dancetothestoriesinyoursoul

#platinum #choices platinum #shane x mc #playchoices #choices stories you play #playchoices fanfic #playchoices fanfiction #fluffy-marshmallow-heart #fluffy-marshmallow-heart fanfic #fluffy-marshmallow-heart fanfic #fluffy-marshmallow-heart fanfiction

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kaleid-tay-scope · 6 years ago

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New Reputation: Taylor Swift shares intel on TS7, fan theories, and her next era

Snakes begone. The 29-year-old superstar is back with a new album and a new outlook on life. We go inside the pop monarch's latest chapter.

Alex Suskind

May 09, 2019 at 12:00 PM EDT

Peggy Sirota for EW

THE PALM TREES ARRIVED IN FEBRUARY, seven in all, set against a pastel blue backdrop with superimposed stars. It appeared that a new Taylor Swift era was upon us — that the old happy-go-lucky Taylor was not, in fact, dead. Or did it? It was only an Instagram photo, just one more picture in an infinite content scroll. But it also came from a pop star known for prodigious hint-dropping, whose fans turn every piece of info into an online archaeological dig.

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#Taylor Swift Entertainment magazine #Taylor Swift ts7 #hottttttt #hottty swift #ME!

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mywild · 6 years ago

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New Reputation: Taylor Swift shares intel on TS7, fan theories, and her next era

-Taylor Swift for Entertainment Weekly (x)

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makistar2018 · 6 years ago

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Peggy Sirota for EW

New Reputation: Taylor Swift shares intel on TS7, fan theories, and her next era

Snakes begone. The 29-year-old superstar is back with a new album and a new outlook on life. We go inside the pop monarch's latest chapter.

By Alex Suskind May 09, 2019

Entertainment Weekly

#taylor swift #entertainment weekly #2018.08.18 #2019.05.09 #ts7

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aion-rsa · 4 years ago

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The 100 Season 7 Episode 16: The Last War

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

This THE 100 review contains spoilers

The 100 Season 7 Episode 16

Ultimately, The 100 turned in a series finale that’s better than the back half of its final season, but not by a whole lot. The use of two fan-favorite characters (Lexa and Abby), and a last-minute twist, are responsible for much of the emotionally satisfying material. So much of the rest, including the saber-rattling and Sheidheda skulking around, feel like a waste of precious time, plot missteps from earlier in the season that long overstayed their welcome.

The most successful moments were based in the characters we’ve invested in for so long. Octavia’s jaded takes on war, culminating in her speech. Raven holding it down for absolutely everyone. Murphy and Emori grieving what they thought were one another’s deaths. Miller and Jackson’s reunion and dancing juxtaposed with Emori and Murphy’s dire goodbye was a beautiful way to let us say goodbye to those characters, because even if everybody lives, we’re still saying goodbye.

This episode spends quite a bit of time on the concept of judging Clarke’s actions as a proxy for all of humanity. While that has always come with the territory of the show, it feels like an extremely reductive way of viewing seven seasons with a strong ensemble cast and far more robust storytelling, yet it’s the one the finale imposes upon us. Clarke was right about one thing: getting Raven back in the mix should have been Plan A, not cleanup.

It’s far too easy to judge an entire show based on whether you like the main character, even moreso when that character is a woman or girl. It feels odd for The 100, the same show that quietly gave us so many accomplished women and girls as leaders, to spend so many of its final minutes on this. Even with Raven and Octavia course-correcting, the series finale of the show still comes down to a question of Clarke’s choices, and whether we think they’re justified or not. Surely after all this time, The 100 could have aimed higher than that?

Up until the reveal that Clarke’s friends returned to Earth for her, the episode has almost no emotional heft outside of Emori’s fate. Seeing Indra vanquish Sheidheda for her mother was nice, but long overdue considering we’d watched her fail to pull the trigger so many times before. Raven’s pleading on behalf of humanity had more punch because it was with Abby, but it came so late in the episode and was so brief..

One of the more promising opportunities was Clarke’s conversation with her judge. While it’s not actually a long-awaited reunion with Lexa, it’s recognition that Lexa was Clarke’s greatest love, and perhaps her greatest teacher. I appreciate that the higher being pushed Clarke to justify some of her choices, though she mostly let Clarke slide on her intent to murder her own child.

Continuing this season’s theme, there were a few beats we never got to unpack because The 100 preferred to go for surprise (also a problem during season 5, which has more similarities than I’d like to this final season.) Octavia stopping the war was something only she could do, but rather than seeing the faith and growth it took for Blodreina to lay down her arms, the moment was clipped. Clarke killing Cadogan was a badass moment, but shooting him at that point in his test meant we never got to see what it looked like when he had to respond to the higher consciousness, who was in the process of grilling him about giving up love when Clarke takes him down. Similarly, we learned the mystery of what Becca saw, that she was asked to take the test and declined. But there wasn’t time to consider what that actually means.

Did Emori transcend? Her body was dead but her consciousness was alive, and we saw her orb swirl around John’s and transcend. Is she in his mind? Apparently she was in the final scene, but she was hard to spot, even on re-watch. This feels like an odd loose end to leave hanging and not make more explicit, especially after spending so much time this season building up these two possible deaths. Whether she lived or said goodbye in the mindspace, both could have been satisfying, but the in-between space feels accidental or even thoughtless.

In the end, it got me to see all these characters back together on Earth and building again. While they didn’t transcend, it’s their own kind of heaven to be together and to create a life that’s (presumably) free from violence and war. It doesn’t hold up to much scrutiny of course, but when I think of the show from seasons one and two that I fell in love with, it’s the final scenes on the shore that I’ll recall, if I think of the finale at all.

More likely, I’ll think of Octavia’s time on Sky Ring, Indra’s relationship with her daughters and how she let them teach her as much as she taught them, Gabriel’s humanity and eternal sense of curiosity, and the way Murphy and Emori changed so much, but always back to one another. How much I enjoyed meeting Hope, how Diyoza evolved beyond my wildest imagination, Raven’s strength and how she owned her mistakes, and so much more from so many seasons gone by and characters long gone. And how much this little show that people ignored or made fun of had to say about grief, trauma, colonialism, found family, and what we do to survive.

May we meet again.

Other notes…

The high power mind palace place looks like the galaxy version of Rainbow Road but a lot less fun. Carved into the wood are Cadogan and his daughter’s initials, plus “Ben was here,” and JR + JR in a heart, which I assume was Jason Rothenberg’s tribute to his wife Joy. Any idea what these mean, or spot any others? Let us know in the comments.

They still have not explained how Earth even exists right now. Are they back in time? Is this one magic? Are we in a multiverse? Alright, I know, I give up…It just feels relevant since a spinoff is happening on Earth at another time to know if that’s how Earth has suddenly cropped up all fine and dandy again.

Can we just take a moment to appreciate how incredibly long Raven’s to do list was during this episode? Did she time travel? She must be exhausted.

War is bad and stuff, but hell yeah O in her OG Trikru war paint! Linctavia forever.

I just want it on the record that I’m bummed out that Jordan’s plan did not involve spraying algae on all the invisible Disciples.

One thing I do appreciate is that The 100 continued to reckon with the doctrine of jus drein, jus draun and various aspects of Grounder culture until the very end.

The contemporary music for The 100 has always been used sparingly and generally to great effect. Here we got a heavier hand than usual, but I think it still worked. The cover of REM’s “The One I Love” had the sort of intensity needed for the battlefield, though it seems they were using a very literal interpretation of the title. The Vance Joy song Miller/Jackson and Memori dance to felt like a lighter touch, especially when was filtered through some brain waves. Using U2 for the final scenes is the perfect Dad Rock move from Jroth, though “Bad” is somehow both surprising and on the nose. (Were they not allowed to use “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” or “Where the Streets Have No Name”?)

It is low-key hilarious that Murphy is the first person Clarke assumes might not have transcended

Clarke not getting to go to the Promised Land is very Moses of her, which sort of works because Clarke is very Old Testament.

Birth control suddenly being handled feels like a real gift but also a weird thing for the Lexified higher being to mention, since this show has very much ignored birth control for seven whole seasons.

The post The 100 Season 7 Episode 16: The Last War appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3cTd9Gk

#aion-rsa #Den of Geek

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seriouslyhooked · 8 years ago

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False Alarms (A CS AU) Part 1/?

Modern AU where Emma is a Boston police detective and Killian is firefighter. They both get called to a fire in progress but it ends up being a false alarm, however there can be no denying the sparks between them. Includes fluff and my usual attempts at humor as well as a touch of fake-dating and meddling friends. Inspired by the song ‘False Alarm’ by Motoma and Becky Hill. Rated M for future chapters.

Also on Fanfiction Here.

A/N: Hey all! So today has not been a great day for me and as such I figured it was as good a time as any to get started on a new story that can distract me with fluff. Since way back when in the sweet summertime I’ve had a few people ask me for stories with Killian as a firefighter and I think I’ve finally stumbled on the exact story I want to write with that element. I hope you’ll all enjoy and thanks for reading!

“Are you going to finish that?” Emma looked up from the slice of pizza that was inches from her mouth to her best friend and partner Ruby.

From anyone else a question like this would be unexpected, but Emma and Ruby went way back and Emma was hardly surprised by Ruby’s quirks anymore. They’d met years ago in the academy training to be good police, and since day one Ruby had made two things very clear. The first was that she would take no shit from anyone ever. Superior, peer, friendly neighborhood witness, or perp, it did not matter. Ruby Lucas would not stand to be disrespected. And the second thing was that she never wasted food and she was never too full to pass up a meal or try and scrounge from someone else.

“You mean the pizza I’m currently in the middle of eating? Yeah I was thinking about it.” Ruby sighed dramatically.

“Fine. I’ll go order another slice from Tiny, but you owe me.”

Emma laughed and shook her head at the statement. Obviously she owed Ruby nothing but it was still funny that Ruby would say so, and if her slightly delusional friend wanted to pretend that there was some injustice in Emma’s finishing her own pizza, she wouldn’t stand in her way. Besides, it should make a more interesting rest of their shift, which had been quiet so far and was over in a few more hours.

“Just be quick about it. We’re back on in ten,” Emma reminded and Ruby scoffed.

“Oh please. I’ve got this.”

Emma knew that Ruby did beyond the shadow of a doubt, but this was their thing. They bantered back and forth like this in downtime and then shifted into a different gear when the chips were actually down. It helped combat the stresses of their job and this system was what kept them working as well as they did as both friends and partners.

Ruby and Emma had been assigned together officially for two years now (ever since they both passed the detective’s exam), and they worked to be the best of the best in their precinct and beyond. They’re number of solved cases was higher than nearly everyone else, and their records were impressive for any member of the force, never mind two cops as young as the two of them. They put in more overtime than anyone, helped out in any case they could, but they both knew when to walk away and how to tell when their partner was getting in too deep. More than anything Emma and Ruby had each other’s backs and that was what made their partnership so successful.

Part of that drive to be better than the rest was because there weren’t that many other women amongst their peers, but most of it came down to personality. Both Emma and Ruby loved this city and they cared about the people who lived in it. That passion was what kept them going day in and day out, through good times and bad. It wasn’t about keeping spotless reputations and earning good marks from their superiors at the end of the day, but about doing the best that they could with the situations they were given.

But sometimes the situations were less than ideal, like right now when the shrill ringing of Emma’s phone designated for the precinct cut through the pizza shop. Before Emma could so much as answer, Ruby let out a groan from the counter. If they were getting a call on this phone, there was a good chance that their twenty-minute break was about to be cut short.

“This is Emma.” The sigh of relief that came through the phone indicated immediately that the person calling was their desk sergeant Leroy.

“Emma, glad I caught you. We’ve got a situation on the corner of Elm and Washington. I know you’re off, but Reynolds and Bryant-,”

“Have about as much charisma as a wet blanket and as much sense as two frat boys on Greek Week. Yeah I know. We’re on it.” Emma waved Ruby to the door and her friend immediately moved with her, but tossed out a little bit of sass for good measure.

“We are so not on it,” Ruby muttered from beside her and after rolling her eyes, Emma handed her partner the rest of her pizza. “Okay now we’re on it.”

“So what’s going on?” Emma asked Leroy and the man proceeded to fill them in.

Apparently two patrolmen in the area had stumbled upon a hysterical old woman claiming that someone was trying to burn her apartment complex down. They immediately dispatched for Fire Rescue when they saw smoke and station sixty-one was en route. The patrolmen were in pursuit of the offender at that moment, but since Emma and Ruby were off the clock, and their dispatch radio was in their car, they’d missed the call for backup blowing up their feed.

“Great – dealing with some crazy arsonist. That’s exactly how I pictured my Friday going.”

“Ruby!” Emma said, chastising her friend’s laid-back attitude about this. Arson was no joke, and worst of all it was almost impossible to prove unless you caught the person in the act. This was serious and underneath the sarcasm Ruby knew that.

“What? I’m just saying. It’s like the Universe knows we’ve got our first weekend off in months and wants the whole thing sabotaged by paperwork and a citywide manhunt.”

“Now you’re just jumping to conclusions,” Emma replied though she could relate to Ruby’s frustrations on some level.

“I’m imagining possible scenarios. Detective 101 – be prepared for anything.”

“That’s the boy scouts, Ruby.” Her friend considered Emma from across the car and looked doubtful.

“Eh I think that was us first. I’ll ask your Mom next time I see her.”

Emma ignored the comment, trying not to think about her mother as they pulled up to the scene, which despite Leroy’s claims seemed relatively calm. There were two fire trucks out here and a number of firefighters to go with them, but not a one of them was racing into the building at top speed, and the two patrolmen standing outside looked annoyed rather than scared of having let a perp get away.

“Oh this is going to be good,” Ruby said. She was practically giddy at what was coming, and Emma could sense just as Ruby could that this was about to be a huge waste of time.

“Detectives – we’re sorry you got called in on this. It’s a false alarm. An old lady saw smoke on her fire escape but it was just her drunk grandson trying to cook a burger.” Emma put her hands on her hips and shook her head, silently wondering why people thought that was a good idea ever, never mind in the middle of winter.

“Of course it is,” Ruby replied before whispering to Emma. “We’re getting lunch reimbursed for this, you know that right?” Emma smirked but pressed on, trying to be professional.

“Well false alarm or not, we got called in, we have to see for ourselves. Where’s the woman who filed the complaint?”

“She’s inside again, probably throttling her grandson. She’s scrappy that one, when she’s not shrieking at the top of her lungs that is.” Ruby barked out a laugh as the patrolmen gave Emma the rest of the details and signaled for Emma to take the lead.

“After you, partner.”

Emma moved past Ruby through the door and up the stairwell, aiming to get to apartment 3C as fast as she could. The sooner they squared this away, the sooner they could move onto something that mattered again and get to that lovely and long overdue free weekend. Yet as they ascended the stairwell, Emma realized that might not be entirely possible given the firefighters moving down the stairwell at the same time that immediately caught Ruby’s eyes.

“Well hello,” Ruby whispered under her breath low enough so only Emma heard.

“Detective Nolan.” The friendly greeting and gentlemanly tip of a firefighter hat came from Graham Huntsman, a man Emma had known for years. She rolled her eyes at his excessive display. They were friends after all, and she didn’t need the feigned gallantry from her friends.

“Lieutenant. Anything we should know about this on your end?”

“Scarlet made an ass of himself with the ladder. Other than that, just your standard Friday afternoon shenanigans.”

Emma smiled (knowing Will Scarlet well enough to believe Graham’s account) and then noticed Graham’s eyes as they flicked to Ruby. His interest was clear and immediately on display for all to see, Ruby included. Emma had to give him credit though; Graham held back way longer then most guys did and he wasn’t openly ogling her friend, just looking a little longingly at her. Emma decided to throw him a bone for remaining cool when so many others didn’t.

“You remember my partner, Ruby Lucas.”

“We’ve met, yeah.” Ruby tilted her head slightly and pretended to search his features. Emma could read through the ruse immediately, but to anyone else she would appear totally sincere.

“Have we? Huh, go figure. Anyway, Emma, we should go. Don’t want any loose ends on this one.” Ruby offered a polite smile to Graham and then warmer ones to the men beside him as she ushered Emma up the steps with little more than a brief goodbye. When they’d made it to the third floor Emma looked for answers.

“What was that about?” Ruby grinned and immediately looked like the cat that caught the canary and Emma’s suspicions that her best friend was up to something were confirmed.

“Payback. Last time we ‘met’ he didn’t ask for my number.” Emma’s jaw dropped, but she regained her composure fast.

“Ruby we were all working a case.”

“Right, and the second that case was over he should have asked you for those digits.” Emma laughed at the phrasing, knowing that even if it felt ridiculous to her (as someone who never let her professional and personal lives intersect) for Ruby this was totally normal thinking.

“Seriously?” Ruby smirked.

“Just wait. Ten bucks says you get a call by the end of the night and then I get a week’s worth of groveling before I finally let him take me out.”

Emma knew better than to bet against Ruby on something like this, so instead of doing so she knocked on the door to the apartment of the woman who’d thought there was a fire in the first place. There was yelling going on through the doorway but it was too muffled to make out the words. It faded as soon as Emma’s knuckles rapped at the hard wood and seconds later the door opened to reveal a very small old woman. When she made eye contact with Emma and then Ruby her bothered expression immediately looked contrite and apologetic and her voice went up an octave into sweet old-lady territory.

“You must be the detectives. I can’t begin to tell ya how sorry I am. My grandson doesn’t mean to be a nitwit, he just hasn’t got a single brain cell in that thick skull of his.” The kindness she’d extended to Emma and Ruby shifted back to frustration as she turned around and shook her fist in his direction.

“A lot of men have that problem, ma’am. We just have to ask a few questions and make sure everything’s all clear for paper work and such. You understand,” Ruby offered.

“Oh honey, I do. I used to work at the state house as a clerk and I’ve always said that if there’s a God, there will be no paperwork past the pearly gates.”

Emma appreciated that the woman was so amiable to their questions. Sometimes they got saddled with problematic witnesses, but this woman was charming in that typical Boston way. She was brash and she said what she was thinking, but Emma knew deep down she had a good heart and loved her grandson. It was, as expected, a pretty routine false alarm, but as Ruby took notes on the situation, Emma asked to check out the fire escape itself. When she got the all clear to do so she moved to the window and shimmied it open before slipping outside and walking into an unexpected wall.

“Easy there, love.”

Oh shit! That voice was enough to make Emma a little week in the knees, and between the accent and the rumble in his chest that she was still flush against Emma felt this energy and simultaneous comfort she’d never experienced. It was… intriguing, and something she had a hard time moving away from but after a second Emma stepped back and her eyes flicked up to the man who’d uttered those three simple words. When her gaze met his her heart skipped almost painfully.

There were very few moments when Emma felt thrown in the line of duty or in life at all. She prided herself on being strong and stable, unshakeable even in the most trying of times, but right now she was anything but. Her heart was pounding, her mouth had suddenly gone dry, and her mind was racing a mile a minute, talking about how no man had a right to look this good and in a fireman’s outfit to boot.

With dark hair and more than the shadow of a beard, he wasn’t rugged per se, but manly and strong. She felt this kind of magnetic presence being so close to him but it wasn’t threatening to anything except maybe her self-control. She’d met a lot of good looking guys in her life, hell she’d been surrounded by cops and firefighters since she was a little kid, but there was something so different about this guy, this stranger with arresting blue eyes that held hers captive for just a beat too long.

“Apologies, love. I wasn’t expecting you.” Emma blinked and regained her composure, trying her best not to do something stupid like blush as she did.

“You’re new.” The man smiled, with one corner of his mouth tipping up to one side and he shuffled his gear around to extend his hand in greeting.

“Killian Jones at your service.”

Emma glanced at his hand and wondered if this guy was for real. Then she remembered that he was probably too new to realize who she was and why this was a no go. Once he did connect the dots he’d pull back she was sure, but for now Emma had this need she couldn’t quite explain. She wanted to go along with this feeling, even though it went against her M.O. entirely. So she gave him her hand in return and felt a rush of warmth when they made contact. She was shocked and a little overwhelmed, but it was clear that her new acquaintance was right there with her. Killian had no poker face at all, and she watched his wave of shock and then something like hunger before eventually pulling back and trying to put some of her professional walls back up.

“You realize sergeants don’t usually do this part right? No matter how new you are there’s got to be some low man on the ladder to hand this off to.”

Killian (God even his freaking name was hot) grinned and ran a hand through his hair, which was so dark and just a little too long to be strictly appropriate for the firehouse. Emma balled her fingers into a fist to stifle the crazy and ridiculous itch she had to see how it felt under her fingertips.

“Their set up wasn’t up to code. I thought I’d help them out so in case there’s ever an actual emergency, they can get out safely.” Emma looked over to where Killian gestured and saw that there were some newer bolts in the ladder now. She wondered how he’d even had the materials on hand to do this kind deed but decided to deflect from her being impressed at his caring.

“Hero complex?” Emma asked and Killian looked confused.

“I’m sorry?”

“Some guys get one in your line of work. They think they can save everyone and that they’re the only ones who can. They take on too much alone and it messes with their heads.”

Emma didn’t think Killian was that kind of guy (not that she could provide a real reason why past him not looking like a raging narcissist) but she wanted to see how he would handle her in interrogation mode. Most people cowered when she did this, but he stayed calm and didn’t flinch in the slightest. It was an incredible turn on.

“Well those men are fools. Some people can’t be saved… and some people don’t need to be. They’ve got it handled themselves.” Emma couldn’t help but think that last part was meant for her, but before she could ask him about his reasons behind the charged statement, Ruby appeared in the window.

“Emma if you fell down the fire escape I swear -,”

Ruby stopped short when she saw that Emma wasn’t alone and after half a second of surprise she started sporting a familiar grin. Emma tried to harden herself to Killian before it was too late but it was useless; Ruby knew something was up and that guaranteed her being a huge pain in Emma’s ass for a good long time. She was never going to live this down (because for years she’d been stressing no warm, fuzzy feelings on a case no mater what), and now her only hope was to bail and fast before Ruby caused a scene, or worse, flirted on Emma’s behalf.

“I’m all set here. You good Ruby?” Her friend looked from Killian who she was ogling openly to Emma and saw her seriousness. Thankfully Ruby took pity on her and nodded.

“All clear here.”

Ruby threw her one last smirk and then ducked back inside but as Emma turned to go she felt Killian’s hand at her wrist. It wasn’t a harsh hold in any way, and her body reveled in that same spark that had been there before, but she felt a wave of trepidation. Looking at him again was going to be fantastic and terrifying all at once. Still Emma had to be strong and so she faced him head on with what she hoped was a firm gaze.

“Did you need something?” she asked and Killian smiled softly at her. Instantly she felt bad for the edge she’d just had in her voice.

“Just to say thank you.” Emma’s brow furrowed.

“For what?” He let go of her hand and stepped backwards, heading towards the ladder of the fire escape with entirely too much swagger for a mortal, ordinary man.

“Usually a false alarm would be tedious. Today has been anything but.”

Emma ducked her chin in a bit, breaking eye contact and feeling like a freaking teenager under the intensity of his blue gaze. The worst part was he was being totally honest. Killian had game, yes, but he wasn’t a liar and that made the thrill that went through Emma so much harder to regret. There were sirens going off in her head saying that he was trouble and a threat to the way she had always conducted herself on the force, but the attraction between them was somehow stronger and this weird sense of trust was already there between them, muting her internal warning bells enough for her to try and say goodbye.

“Right. Well, I guess I’ll see you around.” She offered casually and he dropped all the cockiness to look at her sincerely.

“I hope so, Emma.”

Before she could make more of a fool out of herself, Emma moved back inside and shut the window, pausing when she did to catch her breath and get herself together. She let herself linger on the feelings that had fluttered through her chest when he said her name like that, and she wished that they could stay because it felt so right. Killian felt so right, but for what Emma couldn’t say, and it definitely was not the time to be having an internal dialogue about hot guys in the workplace. When she turned back around and saw Ruby with a shit-eating grin on her face she jumped, another very unusual thing for Emma.

“Don’t start.” Emma warned as they moved out of the apartment and back through the stairwell.

“I didn’t say anything!” Ruby offered with her hands up.

“You were going to.” Ruby laughed at Emma’s assessment.

“I am going to. I’m just going to wait until we’re not surrounded by dreamy guys who made you blush.” Emma turned to her friend and pointed a finger her way.

“I did not blush!”

“Oh honey, you so totally did. But shh, or Sergeant Sexy is going to hear you.” They were back outside moving to their car and there, just as Ruby expected, was Killian standing by his truck with some of the other guys from the firehouse. Their eyes caught again and he offered her a friendly wave that Emma returned as Ruby chuckled beside her.

“Ooo girl, you’re in trouble,” she whispered and Emma heard the niggling voice in the back of her mind saying that yeah, she very well might be.

……………

Every firehouse Killian had ever belonged to had a local spot – a pub or a bar that the crew frequented after a long shift or in times of celebration. Boston’s sixty-first was no different, but there was something to be said for this hole in the wall they called their home away from home.

It might not be pretty or particularly nice, but the feel inside of JR’s Tavern was perfect in Killian’s mind. There was that necessary combination of mutual respect between his firehouse mates and the rest of the clientele, but there was also a line drawn. Killian could already see that on their worst days (days that were always coming down the pike in this line of work) they’d find some sort of peace here. It wasn’t filled with nosey busy bodies, but people trying to go about their business. This was a welcome relief for Killian, who’d struggled with that in past assignments.

This new position, however, was bound to be different than all his ones before. For one thing he was a sergeant now, and that in itself was an adjustment. New expectations, new procedures, they were all factors in his blending in with a new squad, but Killian was a quick study and more than anything he had the experience both back in London and in New York where he’d been the last few years.

Killian also prided himself on staying up to date on the science in his job, jumping at the chance for any extra training and for any extra classes he could enroll in. The hope for all of that extra work was that he might someday learn something that could keep all the men and women he worked with alive. Every day they all got home safe was a win, and every day that they helped the people they were sworn to serve was one too. That didn’t mean he thought himself a hero, just a man with a code trying to better people’s lives when and how he could.

Killian couldn’t help but smile as the memory of that detective this afternoon bluntly asking him if he had a hero complex ran through his mind. She was a force of nature, and all it took was one second in her company for Killian to feel more alive than he had in years. Not even the rush of being amongst the lick of flames in a five-alarm blaze compared to the sensation he’d had out there on the fire escape, but she – Emma – was anything but predictable. Like an inferno with no clear source, she’d keep him guessing and clawing for answers, he was certain.

For one thing she was all together too beautiful for his sanity. She’d tried to tone it down slightly (no doubt in the hopes of appearing more professional and competent) but anyone who would doubt that woman after meeting her was a fool. She wore her abilities on her sleeve and practically radiated capability. Nothing escaped her notice in the moments that they’d been out there together, and though there were tiny glimpses of something more vulnerable between them, and even a few wondrous moments of could-be flirting, Emma was largely the dominating force between the pair of them.

Killian meanwhile stood there perilously close to openly gaping at her. He’d largely avoided any sort of emotional attachments as of late, hating the effects that the demands of his job had in any relationship. He’d seen the tolls it took on the men and women that his fellow fighters loved and their families and Killian reasoned there was no one he’d ever want to put through that. Still as he looked in those curious and brilliant jade colored eye’s of Emma’s and noticed the fullness of her lips and the silkiness of the hair she’d tied back, he found thoughts he’d long ago discarded rushing to the surface. Thoughts about staking a claim and convincing Emma that he was more than an adrenaline junky with a need to put out fires. For her, honestly, Killian could be anything she damn well wanted.

“Oi, Killian!”

Killian glanced up to see his old friend Will Scarlet, another member of the sixty-first and the man who’d put him up for the job here to begin with. He was a British expat too who’d already assimilated to this city after a few years on the force. Will was also the self-proclaimed funny man on the squad but Killian knew that underneath that excess of humor was a fiercely loyal and determined man. Will had fallen into this field because of personal tragedy, but he didn’t let it define him. He worked hard to live each day like it was his last, doing his best at work and then living each moment outside of that with the fullness it deserved.

“Aye?”

“You gonna say something? We can’t drink until you do, mate.” Killian noticed that the others on the squad were looking at him expectantly with their beers in hand. All of them had been incredibly welcoming so far and he grinned and cleared his throat not wanting to let them down.

“Right. Well I guess I’ll say thank you all for the drink and I doubt it will be the last you all buy me.” Everyone laughed at the jest and Killian sobered some to continue on. “Honestly I appreciate the openness you all have and your quickness to accept someone new like myself. It’s an honor to be among you, and I plan to prove my worth to you all before long. You all have my word that I will do my best by this house and this city. To sixty-one.”

“To sixty-one!” They all chorused back and took their drinks before letting out a cheer.

It was only about half of the house right now, for the others were on shift, but Killian had already made a pact with the bartender that a tab would be started in his name and that every fighter who wasn’t here tonight would still get a drink on him as his new buddies beside him would be getting one. It was customary back home, and felt only right to Killian to bring that tradition over here.

“Rough luck that all you got to see this week was routine drills and a false alarm,” one of the younger fighters on the ladder named Gus said and Killian shook his head offering a small smile and his own thoughts.

“Depends how you look at it. Might have been a false alarm but we all came back home.”

Gus nodded thoughtfully, and Killian knew the headspace that younger firefighters often had. They were hungry for the action, mostly because they’d yet to have any of the real trauma to could go with it. He didn’t fault Gus, however, and Killian honestly hoped Gus never lost that mentality, and that the younger man never lost a person in this job to take away that drive to fight fires every day.

“I’ll take a false alarm every hour of every damn day if we get cops like that responding. That Detective Lucas is something, huh?”

Will whistled in appreciation and then got a punch in the arm from one of the few women in the firehouse who everyone lovingly called Tink. She was small by any standard, but she was tough as nails and a fighter through and through. Killian had instantly taken a liking to her, and her silently but forcefully reprimanding Will for the comments now only solidified that more. Will winced and rubbed his arm after she made contact as Graham growled out a reply that was unexpected.

“In your dreams, Scarlet.” Killian wasn’t used to any sort of dark emotion from Graham. The lieutenant was kind and mostly quiet if a bit more serious than most of the others. This felt hostile though, but Will laughed all the same.

“No Graham, in yours. What are you waiting for on that anyway? You should have locked her down months ago when you had the chance.” Graham stared at his phone and blatantly ignored Will’s jest so Killian took the opportunity to divert attention for Graham’s sake and to get the information he himself had been wanting all day without seeming too suspicious.

“And what of her partner?”

“Oh you mean Emma?” Killian nodded, trying to give off an air of not really caring even though he was desperate for more information on her. “She’s a looker for sure with brass balls to match and a stubborn streak that knows no end, but she’s off-limits.”

Killian raised a brow at Will’s words but everyone around seemed to agree with him. This was strange to Killian and he felt a need to know why anyone thought that was the case, because the idea of not pursuing Emma weighed on him like a ton of bricks. Then the worst-case scenario flashed into his mind:

“Is she married?” It hurt to even consider that possibility, and there had definitely been no ring on the lady’s finger today when he checked, though Killian knew of some cops who took them off in the line of duty. Firefighters did the same thing, though Killian couldn’t help thinking he wouldn’t want to if he’d finally married a woman he truly loved.

“Ha! That’s rich. No, mate, Emma Nolan is definitely not married. I doubt the woman’s ever dated given her parents. They’re not exactly the most accessible, easy to impress people.”

“Her parents?” Killian asked, confused. Why would a grown woman’s parents play into this in the slightest? And why did that last name sound slightly familiar?

“Yeah her parents. Her Mum’s the police superintendent and her Dad’s the district chief.” Fuck!

“Our district chief?” Killian asked after choking a bit on his beer and Will nodded.

“The very same.”

Bloody hell! Well that was a bit of a problem wasn’t it? Though Killian couldn’t help thinking that it wasn’t enough to keep him from wanting her. With another woman he’d have taken the hit and walked away, but the idea of not seeing Emma again or feeling that same rush of warmth that came when he’d taken her hand today cut him to the core. He had never been the kind of man to cut and run when he felt strongly, and there was simply nothing that compared to meeting her today. He had to see her again.

“Before she was made detective people called her the princess. They said her parents were like some sort of Boston bureaucratic royalty and she was just their legacy getting preferential treatment.”

Graham offered the intel like it was nothing at all, but Killian’s fingers clenched around his glass, his anger rising. He hated the thought that Emma was judged for something she couldn’t help. Hell, he barely even knew the woman, but he knew in his heart she hadn’t deserved that kind of response from her peers. She was exceptional. Why couldn’t they see that?

“But something changed?” Killian asked, hoping for some resolution other than Emma’s being maligned unfairly.

“Yeah it did. Emma told every last asshole who said that shit where they could shove it, and then made detective at a younger age than any other person in her district. She’s kind of my hero,” Tink said jovially before waving the bartender over for another drink.

Killian grinned at that, knowing without doubt that Emma could handle herself. It bothered him that people had judged her, but it made him weirdly proud that she’d handled herself. Not that he had anything to do with it, but he liked knowing that Emma was strong enough to speak her mind and push back when other’s wanted to box her in. That wasn’t an easy feat for anyone, but it only proved to Killian what he already suspected – Emma Nolan was special.

“Well Tink, you can be sure to tell her all about it at that bloody gala we’ve all got next week. Remind me again why we’re going to that?” Graham snickered into his beer as Killian replied.

“Because it’s sixty-one’s turn to represent this year… and because there’s an open bar and decent food.” Will looked merrier already.

“Well I’ll drink to that!”

The crew laughed at the frivolity of Will’s wants and wishes, but the night passed pleasantly from there on out, and for Killian there was a new form of hope: because now he knew there was a moment coming when he’d see Emma again, and he had a few days yet to figure out exactly how to show her there was something between them worth exploring no matter what might stand in their way.

Post-Note: So there we have it. I want to thank my lovely readers who asked for this kind of story. It’s different then the other stuff I’m writing, which is always good for my muse. It will also likely be a little shorter than my typical stories, but I promise it will pack the usual smuffy goodness my others always aim for. Anyway let me know what you guys think and thank you all for reading!

#captain swan #cs modern au #cs fic #cs ff #cs au #captain swan au #captain swan fic #captain swan ff #cs fluff #emma swan #killian jones #ruby lucas #graham #will scarlet #tink #ouat au #false alarms #false alarms cs au #false alarms 1

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