#this one seems to be easier on my back
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more vaguely animal crossing inspired designs for jjk characters, this time featuring shi-woo and higuruma
melanistic fox shi-woo idea courtesy of my good friend @duesternis
#yumi's art#jujutsu kaisen#kon shiu#gong shi woo#kong shiu#higuruma hiromi#hiromi higuruma#anthro#i still dont knoooowwww how to tag theeeese#i wanted to work on my comic this week tbh#but unfortunately i fucked my back somehow#so now im kinda recovering#and experimenting with drawing setups that arent too bad#havent really found one yet :/#this one seems to be easier on my back#but i dont feel as comfortable drawing details#so for now ill just doodle stuff#and hope it gets better#and also buy myself a new chair god
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Inktober Day 25 - Alpha Gaming
Today I thought I'd go ahead and hunt down that new hedgehog game everyone’s so excited about, since I had a target giftcard and it's been a hot sec since I played one of these - was fully planning to hop on that cool winged shadow trend for the inktober to commemorate my success, but that changed 15 seconds into the first stage when I remembered I actually suck shit at sonic games 👍
#inktober#inktober2024#my art#doodles#shadow#shadow the hedgehog#sonic#sxsg#sonic x shadow generations#my experience can best be summarized by the first 30 seconds of playing the game#where I used chaos control for the first time and Immediately shot off the side of the stage and died#I have despite all odds gotten past the first boss#but I am well acquainted by this point with the entirety of kirk thorton's professional dying discography#shadow I think you're very cool and I'm very sorry that I'm going to make you look like an Utter fool for the entire run of the game#in fairness his stages seem way easier than the single sonic one I tried hA#i just can't fucking see where sonic is half the time in the 2d sections#maybe I need to get my eyes checked or something idk#the hogs are just moving too fast for me smh#it is nice to play one of these again though it has been a While#for reference the one and only other sonic game I played was unleashed lol#back in uhhhh#2008????#god#well glad to know my gaming hasn't improved much since then lmao
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@vulpixisananimal sifstem art jumpscare!! more specifically i got bored and decided to mess around with sif and mal's outfits.
#my art#this is how I think theyd present themselves either in person or in headspace. the slouchers <3#sifs outfit is simple; the boots i always give them (but with star laces for funsies); loose sweater; simple pants#the pants are Meant to be jeans but isat doesnt Specifically Have Jeans so. theyre just Pants.#the sweater is slightly looser bc sif doesnt seem like a Form Fitting Clothes kinda guy to me but hes Trying to be more open#on particularly good days theyll roll the sleeves up or wear a sleeveless one methinks#even if everyone Knows abt the self-harm scars its hard to Look at them.#i also associate them being more open with them not wearing an eyepatch. esp bc hes the only one of the three to go without it#for mal (or 'ami' as i like to call it) i wanted smth reminiscent of a mourning outfit bc mal du pays means homesickness#and i picked 'ami' as a nickname bc ami means friend :] at least according to my basic translator. i dont speak french <3#ami's outfit being dark is also reminiscent of the inversion thing its got going on in canon.#ik the veil is starred in the original but i think ami would want the fewest reminders of home. on account of The Issues#(actually if i can come back to sifs laces sif also has issues with reminders of it bc of the memory loss but the shoelaces are His Choice—#—which gives them a form of control over it and they can keep it subtle or undo it if he wants. which makes it easier)#anyway. i put amis hair in an updo and smoothed the hat bc i think ami wants to be Unremarkable. Unknown. so it keeps its silhouette Simple#(it still keeps the pins. theres smth comforting abt them. they shine like stars and theyre not stars and theyre not Home. but theyre You.)#and i kept the long hair i gave loop. dont ask me why its so long when the canon hair is short. maybe their hair kept growing over the loop#OH and i drew ami in a side profile bc Silhouette and also bc i think itd make an effort to keep people away from its blind spot#andddd i think thats about it? plus i actually managed to keep this one within a reasonable timeframe.#if their hair changes lengths/the proportions change between drawings. no they dont 💛 peace and love and body craft#OH AND YOU FINALLY GET TO SEE WHAT I MEAN ABT SIFS BOOTS BC THESE ARE THE BOOTS I GAVE THEM ON MY REGULAR DESIGN ARENT THEY NEAT#i did actually try to give sif a different font but nothing Works for them like the pixel font. i cant explain it.#i think 'ami' would be a nickname that mira gives it. bc. shes Fantasy French. and its a sort of 'youre more than your yearning/loss' thing#me every time i think abt sifstem: yeah they just rotate in my head. nothing major#me every time i talk abt sifstem: oh hey im almost at tag limit again#au Good what can i say
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Every now and then, I think about The Simpsons RPC and how there's an occasionally a spike of Simpsons muses that inevitably crumbles away and leaves me waiting for the next short lived Simpsons RPC Renaissance
#ooc tag#《 maybe there's still active Simpsons RPers out there and I'm not looking hard enough 》#《 but I'm surprised there's not more of a consistent/active community 》#《 even if the newer seasons are contentious‚ I'd at least expect people to have enough nostalgia for the old seasons to go off of that 》#《 part of me has always wanted to see if i could find an rp partner who could make Homer endearing to me again 》#《 I've been soured on him as a character for so long that finding someone who could make him tolerable is like finding a unicorn 》#《 especially when it seems like no one is interested in writing as him to begin with 》#《 The Simpsons is a big Special Interest of mine 》#《 i had an entire Simpsons RP blog before I gave up and migrated the muses back onto here 》#《 i miss writing my Simpsons muses 》#《 if there's any canon muses that come most naturally to me‚ it'd probably be the Simpsons ones 》#《 that and my Stardew Valley muses 》#《 it's easier to get me to play video games bc that's actively engaging me 》#《 and SDV is a big comfort game for me 》#《 i swear I'll get around to answering some drafts that are in purgatory rn 》#《 some of the replies are mostly done but I've stalled on them for whatever reason 》#《 there's less pressure with my Simpsons muses bc the characters have changed so much that it doesn't feel like i could be ooc 》#《 unless i deliberately tried to make them unlike anything they've ever been like in canon 》#《 and even then‚ there's probably an episode where they acted like that 》
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Thinking about that time when a popular artist was a prick to me personally (claimed that I "baited" them for a conflict when all I did was pointing out something in lore contradicting their claim, without any rudeness or condescension, and basically told me to go hang out with other autists instead of bothering them) but the reason I blocked them was not that, it was the fact that they've admitted on not even caring about the source material and just using scraps from it to do their own thing. Priorities hfngkfngj
#fandomry rambles#I can excuse asserting ego at my expense and acting as though my knowledge of lore is an offence but-#-I draw the line at taking advantage of an IP to get attention easier instead of 'just making an OC'#there is a line between creative liberties and not caring about source material!!! they are not the same thing!#and FANdoms are places for FANs of something! not for some pricks to advertise themselves!#again I just pointed out something that seemed like honestly forgetting or not knowing#and I instantly commented on how alternative they suggested wasn't bad and how it could still work!#but because they have super frail ego they perceived it as a personal attack apparently#and since Anna unblocked me right after to stalk me it just feels like they mocked me within their group later#again I wonder why popular artists with high skill but very little care for canon are SO insecure?#everyone admires them everyone wants to be their friend everyone draws fanart of their designs and ships#and yet slight event out of the line makes them turn into that one Wojack with a crying face behind smug mask#like how do you shovel notes and have more attention than what you can give back and STILL are this-#-insecure? really popularity can't heal you#if you fellow nobody artists feel as though your art being noticed would heal you: no it would not#honestly as for care for canon they already gave signal by boasting about prettyfying micolash because-#-they preferred 'aesthetic'#it is just something I've neglected because I was looking at redesigning characters differently#but seeing awful bimbo marikas for two years taught me better ngl#really I am dying to see them try to pull this one out with a female character#no really. try to pull the 'she looks ugly but I want me aesthetic so I polished her'.#hate double standards regarding drawing the character depending on their gender#but yeah in case you could not tell touching Bloodborne with ten yards stick just triggered a bad memory#I just.... I still love that game story and characters. I can feel it looking at these posts.#I really am the 'just make an OC' person#they should become friends with Eugene (champion of not caring for the source material) if not already
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He pulls the blindfold off his eyes and stares down at the unconscious man, takes in the features and recognises the blonde for the bloke that would always stare him down during socialite’s parties before trials started, probably thinking that he wouldn’t notice. As he crouches over the body and finds the key to uncuff himself he checks the pulse, and a grin pulls at his lip. He decides he’s going to have some fun with this one.
#serial killer#town of salem#tos#tos2#and that one absolutely dreadful sk x jailor fic I've written#truly a moment and a half#I seem to have an unhealthy obsession with making the worst people look like they should be worshipped#touche#forest draws#my art#I made him look softer than intended but on another thought that matches a perfect actor innit#easier to sheep town eh#for those who want fic link go to my last fic post and go back to story 1 in the series#ur welcome#actually no I believe I alr posted it here go to the writing tag for it#ez
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I really hate how my physical body looks so so so much. unfortunately there isn't much I can do about it.
#ive got fat genetics from both parents families going back generations and ive been trying to lose weight forever#my stupod body likes being fat i can excercise like crazy and eat barely anything and i wont lose anything#i was excercising 2+ hours a day before i got sick and it made me stronger but i.stayed fat. now that im sick im weak and still fat.#and im not the kind of fat anybody can find pretty. if i could somehow not be fat id be decent to look at my face isnt bad#my skin is bad though my skin sucks#in my eyes im disgusting#and its so messed up because i dont think other fat people are gross#but i hate how i look so much that i cant imagine anyone being okay with it#like no matter how kind and understanding and sweet i am to people its never gonna make up for the fact that my body is grossly ugly#and i cant blame anyone for not liking me i get it.#sorry#this is a problem i have#bacause i just usually pretend my body doesnt exist and i wear pretty loose fitting dresses that cover me completely so but#even though i am what i am#sometimes you happen to meet a nice person and they are polite and dont seem disgusted by your existance so then your traitorous brain t#thinks hey maybe this person would be willing to marry us someday if they got to know us. which is so silly becuz theres no way thatd ever#so it makes me sad when i should be happy that a nice person talked to me. yay good job successful friendlyness. but it has to remind me#that i had this expectation from when i was a kid that id marry somone and have at least 3 kids and love my kids and take care of them and#give them everything i needed when i was a kid. and of course that never happened. because i never dated anyone. because people dont just#magically get married out of nowhere. its stupid. so i keep trying to be okay with whatever. but i guess i never stopped wanting a family.#which we know im aroace now so. i need to stop. but my brain is always bothering me about this.#why can't i just accept that no one will ever love me. why cant i be happy that they dont?#ive got cats#someday i will have irl friends again#sorry i think everything would be so much easier if i was just#this isnt a problem with an easy solutiom#i guess im gonna try to do the useless excercises again because at least it will look like im trying even though nothing will change
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were back to our (ir)regularly scheduled bullshit!
[ID: Splash page with the issue title and creative credits. Megatron is bound up in cables, some plugged into him, effecting repairs. He speaks: Remind me to thank you when i get down from here, Shockwave. Meanwhile, resumption of my command must begin now. Shockwave: You don't seem to understand. These autobots you see lying dead on the ground are there because I put them there. The Decepticons you see barely clinging to life are in that operating mode because of you. Until I intervened, Autobot victory over us was assured.* The evidence says your leadership was faulty, Megatron. Logic says I must assume command of the Decepticons. Editor's Note: *as seen in issue 8 END]
back to the USmarvel, The New Order, issue no. 5! (22-23 UK reckoning) from feb 1985!
Script: Bob Budiansky Art: Alan Kupperberg Letters: Rick Parker Colour: Nel Yomtov Editor: Jim Owsley EiC: James Shooter Digital Re-master by Digikore Studios Limited. Collection Edits by Justin Eisinger and Alonzo Simon. Editorial notes and assistance by Mark. W. Bellomo
now... welcome back digital re-master. just in time for me to rip you a new on... bare with my folks...
so this issue opens with new king bitch in town, shockwave, conducting research into humans via television. so uh.., they put honeymooners in my transformers comic?
[ID: Both images of a Full page B&W illustration, two men stand behind a table, one asking "Whatsa matter Ralphie-boy?" Ralph, staring wide eyed, dead ahead, grips a chair saying "Homina-Homina-Homina!" A woman looks in through a window, with a scowl. 1. The illustration uses blocked inks, and half-tones for the characters, but the background and objects have mid and dark halftones added in an almost painterly fashion. 2. The art now with most of the tones and shading removed, everything left either black, midtone, or stark white. END]
surely. one of these images is higher definition. but which one looks BETTER? now its possible this is actually about which master copies they were working from. perhaps a rights issues? (the uk printing replaces this page with a different image) but i note here ALSO. they removed the artist, Kupperberg's, signature form the bottom left corner. a hateful affair all told.
though, this doesnt just piss me off to see an artist works edited, and made to SUCK! (tho boy does it...) my friends... comrades, fellow bloggers. lend me your eyes. DO they see this the way mine do? cause ill eat my fucking hat if that's not DUOSHADE paper. the infamous medium of many a B&W indie. not familiar? check out my previous blogging on the friendly neighbourhood martial reptiles. but i digress.
if this. this INSULT to my very being wasnt enough. they also recoloured shockwave from a perhaps accidentally stunning shade of magenta to a cool lavender... which i personally just found quite boring. well. most of the time
[ID: 1. UK printing, Shockwave seated on throne like seat, coloured very warm toned purple. He listen to a sports broadcast and says "These humans are even more primitive than I thought." 2. Digital remaster, Shockwave's profile visible, coloured red, as he watches a news reporter. END]
the very first image of this post has another, red shockwave, btw. I suppose, they could be printing or colouring errors, but they could also be lighting/compositional choices by Yomtov (its not uncommon for his foreground characters to be done in monotone, particularly, purple) either way they corrected for it. and to me, this instance just comes of that whatever work flow being used, doesnt even flag the second figure AS shockwave, so a redwave remains...
i stress. i never blame any individual who does this work. its to them, just a job, and why should it not be? my ire is with IDW, and why they enact these "restorations" anyway, and why the fuck people ought to pay new money for old art that has been given so little respect...
anyway reading the print version meant a lot of tabbing between the us and uk printings. which is why i noticed this
[ID: The crediting for the colourist, Nel Yomtov. In the US printing the say "Colors" and in the UK "Colour", the S removed, and a U added. END]
im just amused by the effort taken... surely the kids dont care that much? and yes apparently they do this every time.
JEEZE CREESY WHO CARES. LETS SEE SOME ROBOTS
[ID: Shockwave watching the news, off panel dialogue Reporter: Ms. Beller, you have been called a computer genius even though you're only a few years out of high school. What is your role in this? Beller: It's true I designed the secondary and tertiary oil recovery systems Reveal of Beller, a very young looking woman in a jacket and a hard hat. She continues: --the semi-automated defense system, the refinery's non-polluting digitized micro-scrubbers. But I consider it all just a part of my job. END]
shockwave learns the alarming news that a new female character is being introduced!
[ID: 2 page spread, the bodies of almost every single introduced Autobot are hanging from the ceiling, damaged and "bloodied". Shockwave scrolls under them, saying "Indeed" END]
also. check this shit out
anyway WHATS going on between shockwave and megs?
[ID: Shockwave pointing to the still bound Megatron: You will explain now how you permitted our position to deteriorate so drastically, Megatron. Megatron, mostly off panel: As… Commander… it is your right to demand anything of me. It is my privilege to oblige. END]
OH. its like that huh?
[ID: Shockwave offpanel "--Should logic so dictate." A close on Megatron, he thinks "Talk, Shockwave..." A close on his repairing hand twitching "...talk while you still can!" END]
well maybe not for long...
anyway... turns out the WAS a reason we saw ratchet helping those EMT's
[ID: Ratchet driving into the hospital parking lot. Buster calls out "Ratchet!!" who responds "Greetings, Buster Witwicky how nice to see your carbon-based face again!" Buster asks "Ratchet, where've you been?" END]
I hope your all ready to become extremely endeared by ratchet, or else just put up with it. cause...
[ID: Buster and Ratchet, still in alt mode, continue to speak, while EMTs are searching for the source of this mysterious voice. Buster: If they attacked the Autobots they should all be broken-down junk-heaps by now! Ratchet: Wonderful! I knew your father was a human we could trust EMT 1: I'll look behind the grill, Mel! EMT 2: I'll check under the seat cushion, Gus! Four people react in shock as Ratchet shouts: Do you organic creatures mind? I don't go poking around your mouths to see how you talk, do I? END
my beloved....
[ID: Ratchet on the road, stopped at a red light, as Buster rides inside. Ratchet: Listen, friend traffic signal, we're in a hurry, so if you could please turn green… Buster: It doesn't hear you, Ratchet, it's only a machine. Ratchet: I'm a machine, and I hear you, Buster! Buster: Yes, but you're different, you're-- Inside view as the light turns green. Ratchet: Ahh, he changed! Thank you, friend traffic signal. May the rest of the day find you in proper working order. You see, Buster, you have to learn how to talk to people. Buster: I… I'll try to keep that in mind, Ratchet. END]
this is so charming can we get corey burton and uh. well rest in peace don messick.., so just corey burton twice will do, to record his.
oh and anyone interest in timeline of when tf lore gets introduced (me... thats... mainly just me)
[ID: Shockwave points to Megatron: As always, you underestimate Optimus Prime, Megatron. No, he will not be cut up into wires and microchips. His value is far greater to us if we keep him functional, for it is logical to assume that an Autobot of his stature contains within him--The Creation Matrix! Megatron thinking: By the divine weld! The Creation Matrix is the computer program that allows its possessor to construct new transformer life! Its power is the stuff of legends! Shockwave continues: It is said once every ten millenia a new Autobot leader is chosen and encoded with The Matrix. END]
MATRIX MENTION? everyone have their lore bibles out? someone WRITE THAT DOWN.
[ID: Buster stumbling through the Ark in shock, "N-no… it can't be true! There must be some explanation! There must be! Wait a second… I didn't see Optimus in there…there's still optimus… there has to be--" He walks into a room with Optimus Prime's severed head, plugged into grand machinery. Buster yells "--Optimus!" Prime, weakly: Buster Witwicky… You must help me… you are… the Autobots… last hope…" End card-- Next: Oil Rig Assault! END]
OH MY GOD!
#some shit#wifi reads cisformers#wifi blogs marveltf#dont let me getting apoplectic about the remaster distract you. this issues actually pretty cute! nice... EVEN#now i could have split that off into its own post. but shit. you have the ability to scroll. now get yee gone#also. easter egg of sorts i suppose. any time the caps seem extra crunchy. thats the us print#the uk printing scan was easier on my eyes. but some of the pages are in B&W!#my oath of honour. i will always use bond megatron images as the headers. wear applicable#okay i have a couple of these in the can but posting this one in hopes i can go back to actually. READING THE DAMN THINGS#not right now tho i have to get out of my room its too hot and i need FOOD. fuck
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Omg this is so stupid to complain about I know some people have real problems and I've complained about it before but I'm doing so again sorry but it drives me insane how people react when you tell them you have a phobia of an animal that's a common phobia because people always feel like they have the opportunity to explain why Actually that animal is not scary at all and people only Think they are but they're really not icky they're super cool creatures and well in their enlightened opinion they're actually really cute and - dude I GET it like in my case it's snakes but I assume people with like bad arachnophobia get the same thing but people literally act like my phobia is coming from a place of ignorance (instead of you know trauma which is where it's actually come from) and like they pity me for being so narrow minded about these beautiful creatures and its like oh my god listen I'm generally pro snake I don't hate snakes snakes are great yes. I just cannot handle seeing them because I have a phobia but I don't think we need to kill all snakes or that they aren't cool ecologically necessary animals or anything. Like I'm sorry you think I'm being homophobic but for snakes or something but that's actually not how this works. Like yes in general I know ignorance about snakes can be harmful to them because people will kill them and stuff but I'm not killing snakes or advocating for people to do so or anything like that. I'm just quietly skipping that part of the reptile room at the zoo because I have nightmares about snakes every other night. So I'm just gonna do that and it's gonna be fine
#Becsuse it's not like I'm like NO ONE EVER MENTION SNAKES I HAVE A PHOBIAAAAA even it only#Ever comes up if I'm like. At a zoo with someone or the last time this happened we were on a hike and saw one and I freaked a bit#And then this person felt the need to go on the longest rant about how snakes are soooo cute and not scary at all and#They don't understand how anyone could think they're scary etc like I'm like okay. Sorry man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's#Quite literally completely beyond my control! And I get why you feel the need to defend snakes but.#Not that it would be easier if it was a phobia of something like generally seen as sweet and cute by the general public though#Because I'm sure the vast majority of people would be way more annoying but I think#Most people at least in my circles would have the good sense not to be like OMG you have a phobia of THAT animal but they're so cuteeee if#Someone was afraid of dogs or something but they seem to think it's totally justified to do that about snakes because snakes are generally#Seen as bad and it's like I get it but also GET OFFFFF MY BACK 😭😭😭😭😭
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using one of the goofiest photos of pusia as a reference image
#rn i believe i will get my diploma done on time. after talking to one of my supervisors its seems i can go a fairly easier route#so im not as scared of it. still scared but not as much. i will be fine. smiles. thumbs up even#so im allowing myself for 15 minutes daily to spend on drawing things for myself. today i dedicated it to a silly 3000 meme#not telling how its related to them. no spoilers today#enjoy goofy ass bnuuy#also idk i dont feel super attached to my bunny fursona anymore. probably because i dont feel like it represents my gender well#i mean i made her back when i thought im cis. idk#thank u tumblr for letting me ramble about stuff in the tags#my art#bunny#notes app
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Can tumblr pls not put pro ana posts on my fyp for once pls 🙏
#i seriously hate that everything i like always seem to make these stupid social media algorithms think i want this type of content??!?!?!??!#literally every single one#tumblr youtube reddit twitter etc etc#pinterest too oh my godf#its so bad there#thankfully leaving and coming back after a few monts seems to do the trick but do these apps seriously not realise how dangerous it is to#push this type of content so easily??? like theres no way theyre not aware. these communities tend to get pretty big and its not like evryon#hies it so. idk. i hate this more than sh communities bc for the most part its not so pervasive(?) like ed content can be so cruelly vague#its so easy for this type or content to be in more general type of videos without people even realising unless they were a part ofitthemself#thats why i hate it#well not the people tho. but even if they dont mean to making these accounts and content just make it easier for people who dont know to get#into it. but then again ig the same thung could be said about anything. at least on tumblr there's tags but evrrytime tine i block one tag#100 million seem to pop up#i still remember being reccomended sled harm content ight as i was trying my best to forget about that stuff :/ its so upsetting
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I think we might have trauma tied to the literal feeling of falling asleep/waking up. Like we get nightmares that are just. The feeling of changing concousness but drawn out + adrenaline + terror
#this may be from sleep paralysis? because we also get that sometimes#also sometimes when falling asleep we get like a rush of adrenaline and if we're far enough along well get shot into sleep paralysis or#start half dreaming about being woken up from a coma or dying.#which like 99% of the time is what we want? but then these things hapoen and its like. huh. maybe i DO have a will to live#it feels less like me or another alter and more like the body literally things its dying.#this happens both sober and intoxicated but doesn't seems to happen more frequently when intoxicated which is interesting#if anything its usually easier to push through#but one time we were like super fucking stoned with my ex and i started flipping my shit because im chill like thag#and so he took me out to the car vecasue i was like “i cant be in the house snymore its not safe i cant be here”#and he leaves to go get something and im like terrified to fall asleep#it gets worse when im scared sometimes. like a certain type of fear its like horror feeling.#anyways so im trying ot to pass out and im convince if i do ill never come back and my ex enters the car and i start screaming. like bloody#murder. and then HE screams. so then were both screaming. and eventually one of us stops screaming. and i dont remember which one. and i was#like :( im sorry that was really embarrassing but also im still so scared im sorry#and he was like 'its chill.' and then he goes to get another thing later and hes like Dont. Scream. When i get back. Dont Scream.#and i was like . okay 👍🏼.#and then he got back and i screamed. but it was easier to stop that time#and then his mom drove us around the neighborhood and i convinced my self that the whole world was just a figment of her imagination#and that really helped for somereason#so.#this kinda got away from me but basically i had one of those drawn out consciousness change night mares last night#dream log
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rediscovering I have empathy? craaaazyyyyy
#beanie babbles#okay so this is gonna be a vent post but all in the yags#tw pet death#tw death#i hope dont think this is ablest language but its not precise language#Here we go#I never really doubted I have a capacity for empathy. It can be kind of hit or miss- amd even when I dont understand I try to be compassion#-ate. all that good stuff blah blah#Whats a lot more accurate to say is I dont really feel bad for dead people#I'll feel bad at the idea of somone dying maybe. I dont want living people to suffer and die just because.#I get upset when my friends are suicidal or when somone goes out and kills other people or even when a fictional charecter dies sometimes#but the mourning isnt about their death. it sucks that i cant hang out with them any more or that they cant experiance shit any more#but im not crying at a casket#But I did cry when I found my housemates pet bird limp on the floor of the cage today- the other one not seeming to even realize#This is the second time. The first one the birds were closer and the loving one wouldnt stop making noise tryong to get our attention#this one didnt mind as much- was just hungry and looking for some more feed. The feeders were empty and water gross#I stay with the birds every day and make sure they get excerize and enrichment because my housemate cant do that part#but i dont check the nessicities#so that was a shock. I refilled the food compartment after taking the dead bird out and putting them in a box#I dont think thats why they died. These birds have their wongs clipped before purchase and cant flay very well at all#But this bird practiced and was able to get a lot of height and distance as feathers grew back. But didnt know how to stop#Constantly crashing into floors and walls. Thats the main culprit I think#Its just weird that I cry easier over birds and fictional charecters and material things than my family. I feel guilty about it#Not that guilty i got all that angst out in 2020#vent post#not really actually this turned into an explination of events more#anyway#the actual post had nothing to do w9th anything bru
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the thing about Aelwyn that I think about a lot is that there's a lot to the notion that she, to a certain extent, was so abrasive with Adaine because of how obstinate Adaine is with their parents. If you have based a chunk of your personality on the precept of "The only way to protect myself is to meet my parents' expectations and obey them at all costs", then every time Adaine pushes back against them, there is almost unquestionably a fear-response -- even if you aren't the one who set your parent off, their stress/frustration can fill a room to the point of becoming smothering anyway. And if you don't feel safe getting mad at your parents for being a source of stress/fear in your life, then invariably the only thing you can do is begin to resent the third-party who you perceive as setting them off for no reason instead of playing it safe, like you do.
#N posts stuff#NOT saying this in a 'oh poor aelwyn; adaine's such a Problematic Asshole' way lmfao -- that wouldn't make Any sense#but just sort of in an idle 'what Were Aelwyn's motivations and reasonings for her role in things?' musing#i think that Aelwyn was like. to an Extent was kind of drinking the kool-aid in a way that only really got destabilized after being torture#of like 'Adaine is treated badly bc she behaves badly. i am a good daughter so my parents treat me better' being completely shaken#when Aelwyn has been completely destroyed by torture - even if she doesn't remember the mental effects she's still Physically#affected - and her parents continue to push her and refuse to allow her to rest and blatantly could Not care less about her health#and that triggering an 'Oh. I wasn't Earning any real love/respect; I'm just an easier Tool to use than Adaine is' realization#but Brennan does also make it clear that Aelwyn was Afraid of their parents in a way that I'm not sure Adaine was#which is interesting to think about. Adaine blatantly Dislikes their parents and knows that she's being mistreated and resents that#but with how freely she talks back to them - I don't think they Scare her? at least up until her dad makes more overt attempts to harm her#and even then she seems to shift into 'well I just need to Defeat them then' mentality instead of a 'that's Scary' kind of feeling#i DO NOT think that Adaine is like. better off or better adjusted or anything; i think she's just dysfunctional in a different way#anyway i am just interested in the notion that Adaine and Aelwyn both kind of saw each other as 'Aggressor' and resented each other for it#until Aelwyn was able to have that final realization about the like. full-scope of their parents' cruelty and like.#was able to sever that cycle enough to See Adaine fully and allowed them to reach out to one another finally
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Me, opening up a packet of the stuff the vet gave me: “I hope this probiotic powder doesn’t put my cat off his food. Can’t really help with his digestion issues if he doesn’t eat it”
I spill some because my hands can have problems with stability
My cat: *licks the stuff up like a kid who just discovered what powdered sugar was*
Me: “is this flavored?”
My cat: begs me for more powder and momentarily forgets his food
Me: “this has to be flavored”
#emma posts#sometimes him getting excited about new flavors for kitties is good#but other times his love of flavor exploration will lead him to eating a food he’s allergic to#and I can’t figure out what he’s reacting to right away because he just keeps eating the thing that makes his tummy hurt#at least I stop using things I realize cause allergic reactions#you’d think a little guy who doesn’t even know what allergies are would be even more off put by them#he’s so finicky about so many random things! but he loves new foods. especially more expensive ones. and that food was more expensive#this time he is getting a food for upset hairball tummies and has been enjoying it more than his old stuff too#I just hope that him traveling back and forth between his old food at my parents house and new food here causes problems#his old man tummy is getting more sensitive than it used to be and he’s getting a different food now… hopefully. and vitamins while he gets#these probiotics to hopefully make the change easier. I don’t want to jinx it but so far it seems to be really helpful#he hasn’t even gotten one hairball since starting the hairball food! and he loves his new vitamin treats#hopefully he’ll keep doing well with the old kitty vitamin treats#I want him to get his old man vitamins#even if he’s super healthy for his age. it’s good not to get worse!#i would know. as someone who dealt with not eating enough from medication side effects#I’m better now though! I switched meds and take more vitamins just in case#anyway. eating food is important for humans and kitties if you can get it it’s important!#and if your cat doesn’t get or absorb enough food they could get permanent damage to their bodies. never let your cat go more than three#days without food! try to make sure that they eat at least every 12 hours#they might not need as much food as you. but they can get a lot sicker a lot faster than humans usually do#I can ramble on and on about cat health though 😅 I just love my little guy so much#combo of better food formulated for hairballs and not giving him an allergic reaction with the probiotics too seems to be helping a lot#i knew cheap food wasn’t usually quite as good as the slightly more expensive stuff but holy shit. since moving out and now switching food#it’s been going so well for him! maybe I should ask my family to change the other cats food. I just hope that an extra 9$ a bag isn’t#off putting for them. i feel like fewer hairballs should be a great selling point
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weirdly everyone else being so defeatist about the Nancy Drew finale is making me feel more optimistic about it?
At the end of the day this has been the "the plot sucks but the character work is excellent" show for 2 seasons now so why not go out that way?
#nancy drew#honestly the promo helped a ton#but also I DO get what they were trying to do with this plotline#and if it weren't the penultimate episode I would probably be LOVING IT#so I'm trying to remember that#still think it's dumb that they didn't plan this as a final season#who was looking at the CW last spring and thinking 'sure this seems fine'????#especially when you're nearly the lowest rated show on the sinking ship!#it's a fucking MIRACLE that we even got a fourth season WHY would you expect a fifth????#and it's way easier to move forward from a fake series finale than it is to pivot to a real one anyway COME ON#but still I want to have faith#I want to believe they managed it#I'm choosing to believe until proven otherwise#(I also genuinely liked the episode. My issues are just with where it falls in the season.)#anyway bring back the 22 episode season and you won't have these problems#or the 18 episode season I'll accept that too#(but 22 is preferrable)
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