#this one hit home ngl

[dumplingsjinson]

List of “presenting: an overthinker” prompts

“Do they actually like me?” 

Mind racing with a million thoughts about the possibility of things, and being scared they’ll actually happen, even if they are irrational as all hell. 

“So I… You know what, don’t worry about it.” “Are you sure? Because when you say that, that makes me worry more.” 

“I don’t know if I can do this.” 

“Do I even deserve any of this?” 

The constant need for reassurance, and even that isn’t enough to keep your thoughts at bay. 

Feeling the need to apologise for something you didn’t even do wrong.

Sitting in your anxiety and muddled up thoughts for hours when you don’t get a reply from that one person in a timely manner; wondering if you’ve fucked it all up with whatever you’ve said.

Reaching out to them multiple times and making your spiral worse when they stay silent on you.

It gets to the point where your overthinking feeds into your already growing anxiety, overwhelming you and eventually drawing tears out of you.

It gets so bad to the point where your chest feels tight, you feel numb and the world around you eventually becomes a monotonous blur because you’re too focused on this one thing you’re overthinking about. 

The rational subconscious of yours tries to drag you back to the side where things are okay and it’s really not that bad because it really isn’t that bad, but that small, irrational part of you takes ahold of you and continues to anchor you down.

You try to redirect your thoughts and it works for a bit… But then you eventually come back around to those thoughts. Sometimes, redirecting doesn’t work so you end up drowning in your own head.

Wondering if you’re being annoying by reaching out, even though you’ve been holding yourself back quite a lot, knowing you’re not being too much at all. Far from it, in fact. 

There are days when you so desperately wish you can escape your brain. Crawl out of your own skin, be someone who isn’t… Whatever the fuck this is. 

“I don’t want to be too much. I don’t want to need constant reassurance. It’s as suffocating for you as it is for me, maybe even more so, because I’m living in my own head, constantly. And it’s not something I can fucking just get out of overnight.” 

“I need to end this for my own good.” 

Drowning in your own never-ending spiral of negative thoughts. 

“Do you even care? Do you still love me? Does any of this even…”

“I’m sorry that/I hate that my brain is wired this way.” 

Join my Discord server: Steaming Dumplings Nation

[peach-coke]

➤ The Boys || 4.04 - Wisdom of the Ages June 20, 2024

[hp-hcs]

HEYY I SAW U WANYED SOME THEODORE REQUESTS SO I WAS WONDERING IF YOUD WRITE SOME ANGSY W FLUFF AT THE END?

promise — theodore nott x gn!reader

Requests open

‼️ TWs: references to past domestic abuse & violence: emotional, financial, and physical ‼️

U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233

Text line: Text START to 88788

YOU DESERVE SAFETY. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Theodore Nott had his suspicions.

You’d never told him about any of your past relationships, but some of the odd things you did helped him draw his own conclusions.

Like that one random Tuesday night, when you were making dinner together in the kitchen, just chatting and laughing like usual. Theo had finished washing the dishes and shook his hands dry while reaching for the hand towel hanging from the oven handle, when you violently flinched back.

He froze, looking at you with wide eyes. You’d just laughed and patted his shoulder, apologizing for startling him.

Or that one time Theo had been trying to organize some bank statements, and had innocuously asked you if you’d bought something from a certain store when he couldn’t remember having made the purchase himself. You immediately froze up at the question, staring with a deer-in-headlights expression. You had timidly apologized, looking meek and like you were playing dead, to protect yourself, Theo had realized.

Or that time when you were going to a group get-together at a friend’s house and assured him there’d be no other men there.

Or when you couldn’t find your house key before work and panicked.

“I’m working from home today anyways,” Theo had reassured confusedly. “I can just let you in when you get back. I’ll be here all day.”

“You won’t lock me out?” You had asked, genuinely bewildered.

Theo hadn’t known how to respond to that.

But when you had accidentally been decked in the mosh pit at a punk show and rushed home in hysterics, Theo opening the door at your frantic knocking and finding you in the middle of a panic attack, he knew he needed to find out the truth. While trying to calm you down from the attack, you accidentally called Theo the wrong name, pleading with him to not hurt you further.

Theodore’s lips thinned and the blood drained from his face as his suspicions were only solidified. “I’m not going to hurt you, Y/N. Did somebody use to hurt you?”

You had nodded shakily, still beside yourself with anxiety. Theodore skimmed his thumb across the knuckles of your hand, shushing you gently.

“It’s alright, darling. What’s the bastard’s name?”

You mumbled it quietly, your sobs slowing to just shuddering breaths. Theodore had nodded in response, making a mental note to kill the motherfucker at his earliest convenience.

He helped you up from your spot, collapsed on the floor in the entryway of your home, and led you over to the couch, where he hastily tucked a fluffy blanket around you and all but sprinted to the kitchen to make tea. He came back with a warm mug and an ice pack for you, sitting down on the couch near you—but not next to you, so that you wouldn’t feel trapped or boxed in.

You rolled your eyes, taking a sip of your tea before tugging him over to your spot, untucking part of the blanket so he could climb under it. Theodore wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into his chest and sighing comfortably. He kissed the top of your head and whispered in your ear,

“I swear I’ll never lay a hand on you, darling. I promise.”

[valeffelees]

only bad thing about being in a fandom where one of the characters canonically has wings is the painful lack of classic wingfic. where is my everything's the same but people have bird wings watford au where one day baz notices simon hasn't been grooming his wings bc of an injury to his ribs so he sits on his bed and makes a whole fuss about how "i'm not doing this to be nice, snow, your wings are just a travesty to look at" and then proceeds to carefully and lovingly tidy his feathers in drawn out silence while they both pretend grooming someone else's wings isn't one of the most intimate things you can do for another person. will this heartbreak never end

[jrueships]

the booger on it??? also look at his skinty little hand.. how big are these slices damn? no wonder the crust is a lil dark. the bigger it is the longer it bakes n whatnot n so on and so forth

lol man wearing leather pants lol

....

spin around for me.

im talking 180 not the Xbox 360 baby.

... jump .

[onaperduamedee]

Nynaeve might be the character that fascinates me the most so far, even if she's not quite the one I enjoy the most reading - Siuan! Siuan! Siuan!

Nynaeve is such a realistic blend of childishness and maturity. To put it simply, she can go from acting Egwene's age (and Egwene is so young - it's heartbreaking to realise what she went through so young), even younger, in the most infuriating way and the next paragraph she'll be the kind of loving and grounding older friend who could ease the heartaches of early adulthood.

I think her recklessness and refusal to even acknowledge her shortcomings sting all the more that it feels so personal. It's that very specific age between 25 and 30 where I remember feeling isolated and independent, and how that mixture nurtured the stupidest decisions, the most destructive impulses.

Without a doubt, Nynaeve is grown, arguably the most grown among the young heroes, save perhaps Min, and doesn't need to prove it like Egwene does, yet hasn't quite aged either into the stage where she accepts who she is, that she can be wrong about certain things, including who she is, and it is okay to recognise that and change in response.

At times, it feels like Robert Jordan went back in time and called my 26-year old self both a complete imbecile and someone quite wonderful in the becoming, and he would be quite right to do so.

[invinciblerodent]

woke up pacing up and down mentally about contrasting my Josie-mancer mLavellan Harwen, and my planned fAldwir Syl, and the ways they are going to experience their elvishness

because I think I'm going to wind up making her struggle eerily similar as the one I gave him back in the day.

(rambling under the cut)

i mean for Harwen (who initially never really had any doubts and hangups about being Dalish, he was just straight up an elfy elf raised in a forest and a useful member of his clan), becoming Inquisitor in his timeline was primarily a story about a profound loss being replaced with a subsequent gain of a new, far more personal identity than the previous.

Losing his role as huntmaster and gaining a new one as "the herald of Andraste" had allowed him to break out of his predetermined role within the clan (one that he had originally accepted without question), while more or less letting him maintain his Dalish identity. But eventually, him loving Josephine ended up working as something of a symbol of him choosing to be the individual man he became during the story, rather than returning to either identity imposed upon him by outside expectation.

(it really crystallized for me that he wants to be neither Herald nor Huntmaster when, while playing him, I decided that he chose to desecrate holy grounds of his people during What Pride Had Wrought out of fear for her -a shemlen's- life specifically.) (Simply put, he elected not to honor the rituals and run through the temple instead, because the longer he dallied, the longer would she also be in danger.)

And at the end of the game's plot, I basically had him choose to forsake his heritage in favor of staying in human society, and move to Antiva to stay with Josie- primarily for love, but on a deeper level, for the singular kind of personal acceptance he never did find with his very own people.

It wasn't an easy choice, abandoning all that he had known before and sacrifice so much, and it continues to be a sore spot for him (possibly for life- I once gave him a line that went something like "no gilded saddlery will make a wild donkey into a thoroughbred, and wrapping your elf in silks and velvet won't make him a noble suitor either"), but... well, he had always been a man who lived with a layer of glass hanging between him and the community. What's being an outsider in a different culture, if it means having honest, devoted, kind love that extends beyond his performing of a function. (which yeah, that may have been me channeling my own feelings of inadequacy and separation from my own culture through him, but yknow, what the hell, having him silently struggle with loss and the guilt of not feeling more guilty despite being actually happy continues to be cathartic to me lol.) (it's pretty autobiographical for the place I was in back then, lol.)

--

For Syl on the other hand, I've been rotating in my head some plans about a potential love triangle between her, Neve, and Bellara, and kind of using that romantic conflict as a representation of the diverging paths ahead of Syl, with either woman being sort of a representative of the two "warring" sides of her.

I'm thinking of her so far as an Orlesian-born city elf (her backstory is a bit foggy still, but I kind of want her to have met and become utterly infatuated with Neve in some context before the start of the game, partly because sapphic yearning, and partly because it'd represent her upbringing to a degree) who later elected to join the Veil Jumpers as a desperate attempt to try and connect with the culture she was always told was supposed to be hers (the Dalish). As one such person, she would have experienced a lot of rejection from both sides: always too Orlesian for the Dalish, and too elvish to be more than "just an elf" in the eyes of the Orlesians. She is, in all respects, a woman in-between.

I think I'd like either outcome a lot, and it would either play on the same theme as Harwen's story, or be pretty much its opposite. And I know nobody but me cares about this, but fuck, I'm just vibrating with excitement over getting to play with new dolls in Thedas again, lol

And now I'm toying with which way I want her to go. Which means that choosing between the human- and the Dalish woman will probably represent which part of her own self she is going to choose to embrace: Is she going to end up as a city elf in Tevinter (potentially a bad time) by Neve's side, or will she remain a Veil Jumper and embrace Dalish tradition (which skin will never truly fit as it should) by Bellara's?

I think this is going to be a situation where change and complacency are kind of all mixed together in this odd soup where the two options are somehow both representative of both those things at the same time, and it'll ultimately come down to how resistant Syl is going to be to everything, and which person she is with either woman she likes better.

[esdithequeen]

Faraquill AU where teens @/yatagarasu2 and @/twistedsamurai are online friends who frequently play online multiplayer games until one of them goes offline for seven years without any prior notice. Cue pining (bonus points if they don't know each others' real identities)

Also cue @/yatagarasu2 roaming their favourite MMORPG world after it's basically become a ghost town, cautious but hopeful. Seven years later, she finally stumbles across another player near a random tavern. Who might not be as much of a stranger after all.

Oh my god what if Kay became a streamer. What if she was live on twotch.com

[unhinged-greed]

Guess who had an attention spam to watch an animated movie about transforming robots? This guy!!!

"Geez, Megatron is mood. Fuck that goodie two shoes Prime or what fucking ever. Would punch that cunt in his throat"

[cafemilk-tea]

I’ve got some heavy evie angst chilling in the drafts🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️

[s-sputnik-k]

the lobes stay ON during sex

[maladaptivedaydreamsx]

[self-shipper-snowdrop]

Asthma in media: *gentle cough cough* oh no 🥺 I'm having an asthma attack 🥺 🥺 *cough cough* 🥺 🥺 🥺 🥺 it's very hard 🥺 🥺 🥺

Asthma in real life: *on the floor, chest hurting from coughing, coughs sound like you have the black plague, wheezing after fits are over, still sticks out hand with thumbs up once it fades* "...I'm fine I swear"

[lhrry]

x

[wonderlilane]

everyone go watch the new gundam

[tiredassmage]

*inhales*

iT’S FREE REAL ESTATE.gif @eorzeashan​ I’ll bite because I would also really like to rotate this idea in my head, ponder them in an orb, etc. Also - I have no idea if any of this makes sense, but they sure are some thoughts. Hopefully even half of it checks out, lol.

Like, honestly, I’m a little obsessed with rotating the psuedo Alliance alert situation in my head, it’s delicious. And I think it’ll also found my opening statements. I might just end up walking us through Tyr’s thought process in response, tbh. It’d be important to him to resolve in some fashion or another before they get to figuring out what they want with each other in the long-term.

So, firstly, Tyr is hellaciously ride or die when it comes to fellow Intelligence operatives. Agree or disagree on how the fall of Intelligence should or shouldn’t have been handled, how the Empire runs, whatever the debate of the day might be, but they were the only family that ever mattered to him. Intelligence backed him, they looked out for him, they sought his success.

Tyr never has a reason to balk at abandoning his name to be Cipher Nine because what, structurally, was his family in his youth wasn’t much more than that - a structure. It wasn’t a home. It was a place.

And for all I’ve pondered about Tyr being more loyal to ideals than individuals, it’s maybe a weird mix of both. Tyr burns his ideals for people, yet he’d still go behind someone he loves for a long game of protecting them - these are all things that make it difficult for him to deeply bond with someone that wasn’t either present for what he went through and who somehow remained largely non-judgemental (we’re looking at you, Vector, the greatest MVP the agent ever has), or someone who just... gets how it is to be an agent.

I’d be fascinated to be a fly on the wall when these two would talk about ideals though, when the subject of Jadus inevitably comes up because it’s an almost inseparable notion.

Sure, dealing with Sith is something that still manages to set Tyr’s nerves on edge in a general sense given everything, but Jadus in particular can almost shut him down. It’s one of the first things that flashes through his mind when Jadus talks about fear - operatives do not thrive on fear. It can’t be what controls them or it doesn’t matter how good you were in simulations or training, it’ll all leave you to your own. And I think it eventually loops into how he balks at the idea of losing control.

Unfortunately, he kind of trips into a self-fulfilling prophecy when that’s his gut reaction to Jadus’s philosophy. Eight doesn’t. Perhaps ironically, Tyr would call it his conviction that he’d admire (he’d mean every word). It’d be such an interesting conversation for someone to be able to walk Tyr through the view that knowing fear is perhaps the first step, but to overcome it is, in a way, to know it - and, no, while he still wouldn’t like the idea of dealing with Jadus, that re-frames it tactically, strategically. It should have been his next instinct to kick in that generally does in the field - sure, feel things, but feeling and doing are two completely separate matters. One isn’t going to resolve without the other. Jadus isn’t... exactly normal though, lol.

In that way, how could he not respect Eight for doing something he failed to do? (There’s that idea of conviction again) And, also... the inevitable guilt of not being able to finish the job himself. Tyr hates leaving people behind. He doesn’t just give up on people he cares for or respects in some way. Come hell or high water, he’ll figure something out - even if it’s supernova self-destructive to pursue.

Kinda... short way around all of this, does Tyr trust Eight to catch him when he trips? Unquestioningly. Does he let Eight lead him into that cave despite the way his throat constricts at the very thought of facing Jadus again? Yes. He doesn’t have to trust Jadus. He does trust Eight. (Tyr and his... odd capacity to trust fellow agents despite their largely untrustworthy profession)

Is Eight pretty? Yes. : P

There’s a part of this that will likely feel like the same grief and regret the Minister has about what Eight had to become in all of this, but Tyr doesn’t have to leave things lie and he’s certainly no quitter. Whatever else he is or isn’t, the need to try to understand won’t let him leave it lie. Because he’d never be comfortable living with himself if he walked away. It was his job to start, he has to be there for however this ends.

But he’d also need to figure out if he’s robbing Eight of something if they pursue Jadus. Because if he is, can he really live with that? Tyr lost everything when they shut down Intelligence. Hell, it’s part of why he’d be so damn driven to find Eight, find someone else that made it out of all of this to whatever other side ended up awaiting them. The apprehension might be worth living with if he’s got at least one person that can understand what the hell it all was to go through.

And stars knows Tyr needs someone who can keep up with the way he can’t figure out himself. Hold on I wrote a line in a recent wip that I feel like I could also fit to whatever they’d have going on:

In the dark, it’s easier to hide and easier to tell the truth.

Something something not needing to be that honest in the shadows because it might hide your tells, something something that lack of pressure and established intimacy makes it easier to share nonetheless. There is an undeniable draw to someone who understands that experience that, ironically or not, makes Tyr far more comfortable with trusting his soul to those individuals.

Anyway, I have no idea if they’d do something good or make each other worse, but it’d be pretty neat of them either way, I think. xD Honestly, once they come to some sort of consensus about Jadus, Tyr won’t think twice about trusting him and I think they could have a lot of fun being obnoxious chameleons rising to whatever challenge meets them. Just expect Tyr to keep checking in occasionally. He can’t exactly figure out what he wants beyond all of this spy business stuff, so it’s important to him to keep a pulse on what a partner wants. In a way, that similarity in them might lead to a lot of “I don’t know’s” about it, but, hey... That’d be okay, too.