#this might go on hiatus for a while but im not sure yet

[torukmaktoskxawng]

tsamsiyu ta'em - calm before the storm

Masterlist - part seventeen

Summary: Just as the chapter's title suggests. It was the calm before the storm…

Pairing: Ronal/Tonowari/Original Female Character

Tag: #tsamsiyu ta'em fic

posted on ao3

Word Count: 11k+

Warnings: Fluff! Some awkwardness that happens after one makes a confession lol. Trauma regarding torture, loss of a child, body dysmorphia, etc. There's a plot twist at the end of this chapter ;)

Taglist (bold indicates "could not tag"): @motheroffae @undeniableadrenaline @mooniequeen @shit-i-say-shit-i-think @heart-an0n @amiets2 @slutforsmut4ever @yeosxxx​ @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @sucker4angstt @inolaphoenix @ilovechickenwings @tojisleftarm @andyfromku @ivysully @lightandshadow31 @jamie-poopoo @brittney69 @avatar-lover @ikeyniofthetayrangi @cardi-bre91

A/n: Hiii 🥰 I'm very sorry for the hiatus that I originally promised wasn't going to be a hiatus. To escape life, I dove into other fixations such as Destiny 2, the Fallout show, Dune Part 2, and Bridgerton... yeah, I did some bouncing. So far, my summer has been fantastic! Anyway, here's another chapter before I inevitably disappear again 😂

Enjoy!

If there was anything Kayla was extremely grateful for, it was that Spider didn't have a heightened sense of smell as the Na'vi did.    

She could smell both Ronal and Tonowari on her skin, and while it internally delighted her, she felt her skin prickle at the thought of Spider of all people being traumatized and learning about her very recent courting by smell alone as they share close quarters with one another. The thought mortified her more than anything, more than the idea of eventually having to tell Jake.

Thankfully, Spider returned home that day none the wiser, Ronal and Tonowari already long gone even with their scents still lingering in Kayla's nose. She felt like a teenager again, embarrassed and trying to hide it from her parents. However, she quickly stomped down that thought at the harsh reminder that she's a grown-ass woman and Spider wasn't a very judgemental kid. He was also someone who had caught onto Ronal and Tonowari's interest in Kayla early on and wouldn't be surprised if he learned the truth. 

With that in mind, Kayla emerged from her kelku the next morning wearing the new top the Metkayina clan leaders had gifted her. For a very brief moment, she felt exposed and uncomfortable, the woven beads cool against her skin, but then, she looked down at herself and felt her body relax to see that the top covered just about as much as her threadbare red shirt did. It wasn't even close to revealing as some of the tops Kayla had seen Na'vi women wear, even with the low cut. A small part in the back of Kayla's head felt delighted to realize that this top was definitely made for her.

She still wore her shorts, but the small change in attire was still noticeable as she quickly learned. Na'vi eyes silently observed her as she walked through the village, and even though she heard the Metkayina whisper as she passed them, they weren't hateful or disgusted, but more in awe. Her skin crawled because she didn't know if she preferred it or would much rather have them feel indifferent to her again. 

While their eyes all noticed her top, Kayla almost felt the need to throw her shirt back over herself at the thought that the Metkayina might also smell her new scent as well. It would explain the way their noses would twitch and their ears all perk up and turn in her direction when they haven't even noticed her presence yet. 

If Spider noticed any of it, he didn't say a word, instead, he informed Kayla that he would be deep-diving with the other reef boys that afternoon. Something crawled in her stomach at the reminder of Ao'nung and other reef boys leaving Lo'ak alone outside the reef before she sternly told Spider to make sure either Lo'ak or Tsireya was with them. Apart from the small, suspicious stare, Spider didn't question her, taking his new bow in hand and heading out to meet his friends, waving back to Kayla as he went and promising to be back before supper.

Walking along the beach, Kayla recognized the tsahik from a mile away, fingers entangled in a worn fishing net. As Kayla walked over to the other woman, she watched the way Ronal's ears lifted and moved in her direction. Ronal looked up from her work and recognized Kayla from a distance, and by the time the dreamwalker approached her, it wasn't hard to deduce how pleased she looked, eyes dancing approvingly over the avatar woman's figure, reaching a hand out to lightly adjust the top on Kayla before nodding once with confidence,

"It suits you perfectly. I was afraid it would not be able to hold up against your beauty."

Despite having a young Na'vi body, Kayla felt as though her heart was ready to give out, her feet barely catching when she initially stumbled in reaction to Ronal's compliment. Kayla's eyes quickly averted, the tip of her ears feeling warm as she quietly thanked the tsahik and changed the subject, making plans to see both her and Tonowari later. After making a brief conversation as to what each other's plans were for the day, Kayla had turned to leave but nearly jolted out of her skin when she felt a gentle tug on her tail. She couldn't help the feigned glare she threw back at Ronal, internally delighted by the rare mischief she saw in the Metkayina woman's eyes, but trying not to show it. Kayla's fake irritation only appeared to amuse Ronal forward, the tsahik tilting her head at the avatar while appreciatively staring her up and down once more, forcing the heat from Kayla's ears to travel down her neck. 

The avatar cleared her throat and then finally departed, hiding her own smile as she thought back to Ronal's well-hidden playful behavior. It was nothing like the woman who sharply tugged Kayla's tail the day they first met, further showing just how much things have changed around here.

Summoning an ilu, Kayla makes her way through the reef, reaching the atoll wall where all the various pools travel up one side like stairs, catching various sealife whenever the tide rises up and down. Dozens of Metkayina are fishing and gathering in these pools, with nets, and baskets at their feet. Kayla zeros in on one particular Na'vi and swims over after letting her ilu take off, climbing up onto the slippery wall to make her way over to her friend.

Rutxa looks up and appears smug at the sight of Kayla, blue eyes pointedly narrowed on the avatar's new top while dramatically sniffing the air, "You look... enamored. Had a good evening?"

Kayla's eyes narrow, "Don't play dumb. I bet you're just dying to weave a story about it."

Their grin remained playful, humming dramatically as if deep in thought, "Perhaps if you tell me all about it, I won't have to... fabricate any details."

Kayla lets out a humorous scoff, shaking her head, "You're horrible."

"Yes, that was what my mother called me. Don't abuse it."

The laugh that bubbles out of Kayla coincides with the screech of an approaching ikran. The sound makes Kayla pause and look up to the sky in order to discover which ikran. She only had to briefly catch the color to know the banshee was Neytiri's bonded, and a small wedge of dread made its home in Kayla's chest.

Neytiri lands her ikran gracefully, several yards away from any Metkayina as they go about the pools of the atoll wall. The Na'vi woman looks around before her eyes land on her intended target. Kayla half expected her sister-in-law to bristle at the sight of her, but she felt a small bit of genuine confusion when all she saw was a woman who was trying to appear small and guarded. If Kayla wanted to verbally taunt, she would've pointed out to Neytiri that she almost looked guilty. The two women stare at each other for some time before Neytiri takes a deep breath and starts slowly walking forward, her face pinched with dread at the idea of the long-awaited conversation she was no doubt forcing herself to partake in.

Kayla takes her own deep breath and then motions Rutxa to wait here before drifting over to meet Neytiri halfway. While it felt as though they walked forever to reach each other, both women found themselves standing right in front of one another only seconds later, neither saying a word while their eyes never fully meeting, both hesitant to say anything at first due to their ongoing impasse. 

Neytiri looks Kayla up and down before she swallows her pride, both visibly and internally as she opens her mouth, "Your clothes. They are lovely."

The Sully sister's eyes dart off to the side, her words are stiff but courteous, "Thank you."

"Did the tsahik make it?"

The mention of Ronal made Kayla's ears twitch, "What gave it away?"

"It would explain why she asked me about making a bow for Spider. And--" she takes a small whiff of the air around her mate's sister, "You smell like her. Tonowari, too."

"... I see. Don't tell Jake."

She raised a hairless brow at the other woman, "I will not need to. He will smell it."

Kayla pointedly doesn't blink, finally staring directly into Neytiri's eyes with a stern expression, "Which is why I am avoiding him at the moment."

Neytiri quietly observes Kayla, yellow eyes piercing into one another's gaze, trying to sniff out each other's thoughts. The Omatikaya woman is wracked with bafflement. It is a beautiful thing for one to finally find their mate, or, in this case, mates. It should never be something to be ashamed of, as newly mated pairs often run to their families to excitedly share the news. The fact that Kayla would rather hide and avoid Jake baffles Neytiri. She wanted to hiss and scold both of the former sawtute for what was clearly a spat between siblings, along with a dash of pride, but at this time and place, she knew Kayla wouldn't accept nor appreciate her scolding. 

Still, it bothered the Na'vi woman. Neytiri knew the two siblings had a lot of conflict between them, but to go as far as to not share such wonderful news with each other? Neytiri would give anything to be in Kayla's position. She would've given anything to be able to excitedly share life updates with her own sister once more. Sylwanin used to love hearing how Neytiri's day went before bed, even though Neytiri wasn't in turn thrilled to hear about what her sister and Tsu'tey would get up to in the woods. Then again, Neytiri was the only person her sister trusted with that information, and it shattered Neytiri's heart to think how she had taken that for granted. She will never make that same mistake again, and any secrets Sylwanin entrusted to her will die with Neytiri.

Hence why she couldn't bring herself to deny Kayla when the other woman was clearly trying to tell her not to share her secrets with Jake. Neytiri exhaled through her nose and nodded in defeat, "I will not breathe a word." 

Kayla stiffly nodded and briefly looked away, peering over her shoulder to see if Rutxa was still waiting for her. Neytiri's conflict was easily undetected, watching Kayla when the avatar wasn't looking with a pained expression in her eyes. Everything that had come between the two women lately was pounding against Neytiri's skull, begging her to say something, to make things right, to finally confess her sins out loud. It has been plaguing her ever since the boy-- ever since Spider confronted her about her distaste and mistreatment toward him. Ever since he made her stand in the eyes of her inner demons, her hidden thoughts no longer feel as hidden as they used to be and she's been struggling to accept everything he said was true. 

'Denial is a river in Egypt.' It's a phrase she's not familiar with, but it's something she remembered Grace used to say when Neytiri was a child. When the scientist explained what it meant, somehow it threaded its way into Neytiri's head, and she had yet to forget about it. No one could deny Neytiri's grief after everything she's been through, but neither could anyone deny how unfair she had been to Spider his whole life. Despite knowing how innocent he was, Neytiri refused to See him. Despite eventually accepting Jake and loving him for who he is, she couldn't do the same for Spider, and despite knowing how that hurt the child, she didn't care. Or at least-- not at the time. The fact that she didn't care for a child and his feelings was something she came to terms with long ago, but staring Kayla in the face and simply stating she wasn't Spider's mother haunted Neytiri in her sleep. 

The expression Kayla gave terrified Neytiri, guilt riddled her mind and heart. She didn't originally care how her words might hurt Spider, but the guilt she felt when her words affected Kayla felt like she took an arrow through the stomach. It only got worse when Neytiri took the time to look around and see everyone else's reactions. Those who mattered most to her, her husband and her children, all had looked at her as though they didn't recognize her. They looked at her as if she was some sort of monster. After spending time to herself, replaying her words to Spider and everyone's faces, Neytiri finally admitted to herself that they were right. She was a monster. She might not be like Quaritch, but she shouldn't go around and pretend she was better than him, especially after they both held a child at knifepoint for the sake of another.

Neytiri had looked down at her reflection in the water that same day -the day Spider called her out- and suddenly realized she no longer recognized herself. Even though there were things no one could blame her for, there were still moments in her life where Neytiri knew she could've done better. Yes, she let her children play with Spider, but she never once acknowledged him. She didn't have to claim him as hers, but she could've at least made the boy feel welcome. She could've invited him to a family dinner at least once, or given a comment or two on how to properly hold a bow when she caught him trying to teach himself. 

So many instances flash over Neytiri's eyes, instances where she could have shown kindness or care to a little orphaned boy who had done nothing but admire her family and love her children with every fiber of his little being. But she didn't. And when she thought back to the young woman she used to be... before Hometree and before her father... before Tsu'tey and Sylwanin... that young woman would have shown such kindness to Spider. By Eywa, that young woman might have even grown to love him as she had grown to love Jake.

Regret will forever be her friend as Neytiri finally comes to accept that she was wrong. Feeling a little more courageous with Kayla's eyes no longer on her, Neytiri spoke up once more, albeit a little more softly, and with the most sincere regret, "I am sorry."

Unaware of Neytiri's internal conflict, Kayla's eyes return to hers, squinting with disapproval, "It's not me you should be apologizing to."

Neytiri pressed her eyes shut for a moment, the guilt bleeding into her expression as her ears pinned back against her skull, "I am sorry to you as well. I had threatened your son. I almost killed him in front of you."

"He's n--" Kayla's words caught in her throat, then she swallowed them down and looked away again, trying to hide the small pain in her voice, "Thank you."

Neytiri nods, voice a little more sure, "I would not be any better than the monster who took my son away from me if I took yours."

Kayla wanted to be firm and agree, but her tongue swelled in her mouth, with something itching at the back of her mind that told her not to sound petty and vindictive. A question kept nagging at her, the same question Kiri once asked her. What would she have done if she was in Neytiri's place that night? It was a scenario she couldn't imagine in her head, even if she could imagine a lot. 

She hesitates, her posture relaxing and less guarded as she softly asks, "Can... can you explain it to me? So that I can try to understand?"

A visible wince flashed over Neytiri's expression, her eyes wide with distress in response to Kayla's question. Neytiri wasn't sure she could describe what she felt... not without breaking down, that is. Then again, it had been the first time anyone had asked her how she felt instead of just assuming and giving her time to herself. She didn't want that anymore. She's had plenty of time to herself, and a part of her was angry at everyone who continued to give her a wide berth. Solitude was something she no longer needed, and she wanted everyone to stop treating her like she was going to break.

Perhaps talking about it was something Neytiri needed just as much as Kayla in order to feel some sort of comfort. The idea makes her take a deep breath and slowly answer, "It is not the same as losing a parent, in my eyes. I lost my father, and even though I miss him every day, we are told that our parents will join Eywa before us and that they will be waiting for us there when we eventually do the same. For a child... it's different. A parent should always go before their child. That should always be the way of things... and that was stolen from me. You might not know this, but you should be prepared for when Ronal has her child. When we are born, the first tsaheylu is with our mother. To form that strong and emotional bond. To lose the first child I ever bonded with--"

Kayla's tail and ears lower, blinking rapidly to contain hidden pain, her imagination running wild with everything Neytiri had described. It helped that Neytiri was trying to explain it... but Kayla couldn't imagine how it must feel for a grieving mother to say all of this out loud.

Neytiri sucks in a sharp, wheezing breath, but it wavers and her lips begin to quiver. Her eyes grow wet with tears as her hand reaches up to try and gently claw at her chest, visibly and verbally shaking, "The pain for my father and even my sister do not compare... I feel as though I have a gaping wound in my chest that will not stop bleeding. It's always there, ever flowing, and I cannot take a breath without remembering it. My baby who I had kept safe inside me for so long... suddenly ripped from my arms before he could find love... or have a family... or be the olo'eyktan he was always meant to be... I had always wanted to see him as a father, and now I will never have that."

Saying it out loud felt as though she was living Neteyam's death all over again. Fresh tears spilled down Neytiri's beautiful face, carving a familiar path down her cheeks as a sob interrupted her explanation. Her chest squeezed painfully, and her sobs only got worse as Kayla suddenly reached out and pulled her into a tight embrace, purposely hiding Neytiri's face as the grieving mother continued to cry her heart out, wishing she could just be numb. Neytiri didn't miss the way Kayla buried her own wet face to hide from the world, nuzzled into Neytiri's shoulder. The female Na'vi continued to sob, and even though the grief was still too fresh, it helped to have finally put it all into words. It helped to know that someone was trying to understand her when she felt as though everyone else could only pity her. 

"I'm sorry..." Kayla whispered as Neytiri's cries began to subside, "I could never imagine what that feels like."

Neytiri didn't miss how her shoulder felt wet where Kayla's face lay, and something inside the Na'vi woman snapped into place. She didn't want Kayla to imagine. She didn't even want Kayla to understand because that would mean having her sister-in-law go through the same agony she went through. Neytiri didn't want anyone to go through the loss of a child, let alone her husband's dear sister. The thought of having Kayla go through pain similar to hers nearly brought Neytiri to anger. Determined and dry of her tears, Neytiri pulled away, lifting her hands to rest gently on Kayla's shoulders, fixing her with a sharp eye.

"I do not want you to ever experience this pain. I do not want you to end up like me, ma tsmuke."

Kayla shook her head, "There's nothing that says it's wrong to end up like you. You're a good woman and a good mother. You're fiercely protective of your children. Any mother would thrive if they were even remotely like you," watching doubt and pain creep back up Neytiri's face drives Kayla to quickly add, "And I was wrong if I ever suggested otherwise. I never blamed you for protecting your children, Neytiri."

"I know," the Na'vi woman whispers, eyes briefly lowering to the ground in shame, "But I should have never belittled you for protecting yours."

The two women stand in silence once more, now filled with understanding as two mothers protecting their young. With her newfound determination, Neytiri raises her head high, straightens her posture, and stiffly nods, "If you'll allow me, I will go apologize to the boy."

Kayla is silent for the moment, carefully watching Neytiri before slowly replying, "... I better not hear that you hurt him again."

"You won't." 

And with that, both women nod and part ways. Neytiri moves back in the direction of her ikran while Kayla stands still and watches her leave. Wiping the remaining tear tracks on her face as she walked, a thought crossed Neytiri's mind, making her pause in her tracks. A brief memory of Sylwanin flashes through her mind, happy and glowing as she tells Neytiri that Tsu'tey had begun courting her. It was a small pain in her heart at the memory, a small pinprick of a needle, faint but still causing her heart to bleed at the thought of her sister. Swiftly turning back around, Neytiri briefly sees Sylwanin in the flesh, standing there with a beaming smile before the facade fades, and reverts back to Makayla, whose head was tilted while quizzically watching Neytiri. 

Neytiri's breath stuttered for a moment before the words began to tumble from her mouth, "For what it is worth, ma tsmuke, I am happy for you. If Ronal or Tonowari or either of them hurt you, I will kill them for you."

The words briefly stun Kayla, eyes wide and jaw open with shock, before the spell breaks and she finds herself laughing. The needle in Neytiri's heart fades, along with the pain of her sister's memory. Neytiri found herself smiling as well, proud that she pulled such a reaction from her new sister.

~~~~~~~~~

As promised, Spider came home before dinner, and Kayla looked up from cleaning her AR with a smile, "Hey, kiddo."

"Do you have to do that a lot?" Spider tilts his head down at the weapon with curiosity, then briefly looks back at his charge, "Will it not work otherwise?"

Kayla rolls her lips, unsure of how to explain to a child who prefers the life of a Na'vi compared to humans. She shakes her head, "It could jam, for one. I have to clean it for the same reason you have to eat. It needs to function."

Spider nods and says nothing else, which sounds off a dozen other bells in Kayla's head, quick to understand that his questions and attempt at small talk usually meant something else was going on and he was deflecting. She knows that behavior all too well. She sets the weapon aside and gives all her attention to the teen, knowingly smirking at him, "What's up?"

His eyes immediately dart away, arms folding in around him as if to protect what little there was left to hide. He looked embarrassed, ashamed he had been caught as he mumbled under his breath, "Neytiri apologized."

Her expression melts into something solemn and sincere, nodding once, "I know."

"Did you make her?" He asked with suspicion in his gaze.

"No, but she asked me if she could."

"How come?"

Kayla shrugged, feigning innocence as she tried to play nonchalantly, "I'm guessing she was under the impression I didn't want her anywhere near you."

He stared at her for a while, unconvinced, "Right."

Then he moved on to the next topic, "'You gonna break your link tonight?"

Kayla groaned quietly, playfully rolling her eyes up at the ceiling of the marui, "Yeah. Norm radioed earlier to pester me, and I figured I'd see how everyone was doing. 'You need me to tell him anything?"

"My spares' got plenty of battery. I'll be good for a while. Tell everyone I said hi."

"You got it."

~~~~~~~~~

She wakes in the link bay with a queasy stomach and a splitting headache.

It wasn't nearly as bad as the last time she broke her link, but the moment the blinding lights of the biolab flashed in Kayla's face as the lid of the gurney was lifted, she felt her stomach turn and she had to bite the inside of her cheek. 

Sitting up with a stifled groan, Kayla holds her head in her hand, trying to stop the bright room from spinning. Norm, dutifully standing beside her with his arms crossed, decided not to beat around the bush, even in her weakened state, 

"You can't keep doing this, ya know. Staying back there for long periods of time is going to kill your body here, one day at a time. It's safe to say you've reached the limit of human-avatar links."

"Maybe that's a good thing, Norm," Kayla muttered, able to roll her shoulders back and sit up straight without feeling dizzy, "With data like that, the RDA won't be able to get the go-ahead with building avatars for civilians. This can keep them at bay for a while."

"But it's not a good thing for you, Kayla."

"I know. I just..." she tried waving it off, avoiding Norm's narrowed gaze like a child being scolded, "I just need a little more time."

Norm scoffed, unimpressed, "You're stubborn. Just like your brother."

When that doesn't pull a reaction out of her, Spellman decides to break more bad news, "There's more. Scouts have reported seeing a rogue ikran dressed in military gear flying through the mountains, and it's pretty close to our base. They've confirmed the rider to be Colonel Miles Quaritch."

Clouded eyes flick briefly to Norm, widened with shock before Kayla looks away again, exhaling her opinion, "Fuck."

"I thought maybe you could tell Jake for me when you get back."

Kayla is silent for a few moments before she replies, "No. No, let's not tell him."

"What?" Norm rustled.

"If we tell Jake, he'll just wanna come back and track Quaritch down. Maybe that's what Quaritch wants. Right now, Jake needs to be with his family instead of looking for revenge."

Kayla's eyes return to her friend's, wide and pleading, "Please, Norm. Please don't tell him."

They have a silent stand-off, the occasional sound of machinery breaking said silence. Eventually, Norm's posture sinks in defeat, making him look smaller and older than he actually is, "... Fine."

"Swear it."

"I swear it... unless he asks me."

Kayla scoffed, rolling her eyes, "Fine."

"... When you say you need more time, I meant when I said you're just like your brother."

She silently watched him with confusion but didn't verbally ask what he meant, waiting for him to elaborate. Norm looks off to a far wall, recounting very distant memories he hadn't thought of in years, "He was also running out of time, and he was getting desperate. He said he needed more time; time to see Neytiri again."

When Norm looked back at Kayla, he noticed she was purposely keeping her own gaze glued to the floor, her long matted hair covering most of her face, mumbling to a point where he struggled to hear her, "It's not like that this time."

"You're lying." Norm immediately retorts, taking a gamble on his theory when Kayla doesn't immediately try to defend herself. They both knew she was lying only to herself, and Norm didn't hesitate to point it out, "Something's changed."

Seeing no point in lying or keeping it secret, Kayla sighs, "Tonowari and Ronal have officially asked to court me."

Norm's eyes widen, "And...?"

"I agreed but asked to wait on the rest of it until I'm officially one of the People."

"Smart..." He couldn't help it. He needed to lighten the mood and feel a little smug. Norm deserved that much as a boastful smile spread across his face, "Also 'I told you so.'"

Kayla scowls, her eyes finally looking up at him to express how stolid she felt, "Dick."

He snorts, unaffected, finally moving to sit down next to her on the gurney, "So... do they know about... you know... the fact you can't have kids?"

Her posture visibly stiffened, "It didn't come up, no."

"That's probably something you need to discuss with them, Kayla, and soon."

"I know."

His hand reaches out to lightly tap her knee, "I am not saying that it'll be a deal-breaker for them. I don't think they'll care, to be honest. But you don't keep secrets from the people you love."

"Hey," she nudged him back, trying to force a teasing smile on her face, "Why do you think I'm telling you all this?"

"How sweet," Norm scoffs goodnaturedly, "But that's just you trying to deflect."

~~~~~~~~~

It was strange being able to sleep in the shack again, and even more strange to be the only occupant. Kayla looked around the tiny man-made space, eyes flicking to her bunk, the desk, the small kitchenette, and then the vacant wheelchair she never had the heart to throw out when she first arrived at High Camp. It now lay folded up and leaning against the corner wall, former white letters that spelled 'Sully' now unrecognizable. A fond smile graced her lips when she thought back to the three weeks she and Spider stayed here and the teenager struggled to figure out how to balance on the accessible chair as it rocked on its back wheels. The attempt ended with him falling and rolling backward and leaving Kayla in a fit of uncontrollable laughter that he eventually joined.

The thought of her boy made her chest squeeze uncomfortably for a moment, the feeling of loneliness suddenly very apparent in this small shack. How strange that she was sitting in a place she had once tried to call home, but now she felt homesick for an island that was oceans away, or in her case, one neural link away. Realistically, she could go lay down in a link bay and wake up in her marui, awaken to Spider's nivi swinging slowly just off to the side of hers as he sleeps. Kayla shook her head and smiled to herself, amused at the idea of walking to the link bay only to be intercepted by either Norm or Max, both men who had adamantly told her not to link back until it was early morning in Awa'atlu so both her human and avatar form could receive separate reprieve. 

As much as she would like to entertain the idea of rest, the lingering silence in her shack made it feel as though the walls were closing in around her. Kayla knew she wouldn't be able to sleep if she were alone, so she kept herself busy instead, starting with her overgrown hair.

Looking into the mirror that night, a small sense of normalcy returned when she had managed to cut her hair to the same short length she had when she first arrived on Pandora. While her reflection didn't initially scare her anymore without any matted long hair or sunken eyes, Kayla still had a hard time recognizing the woman in the mirror without blue skin or a piercing yellow gaze. It felt wrong and her skin prickled and itched with this revelation. A twisted part inside of her wanted to try and scratch her face off until she recognized it, but she refrained from doing so, knowing how delusional it sounded. It felt as though she was living in someone else's body and she needed to return to hers despite the logical voice in her head reminding her that she was born in this body, as a human, not a Na'vi, and she was foolish to believe otherwise.

The unrealistic voice in her head argued that there was nothing wrong with being a little foolish.

~~~~~~~~~

Waking in her avatar gave Kayla a wave of relief, sitting up in her hammock and stretching as if she had never left. The worries of the night before are immediately forgotten as she and Spider venture out of the home to search for friends and family.

The three reef children Spider has been associating himself with were the first of the day to greet them, and it was clear that the silent news of the Metkayina's clan leaders' courtship was not lost to their children. Kayla was surprised when Tsireya ran up and hugged the older woman's waist, the girl giddy and unable to contain her bright smile. Spider tilts his head curiously at the interaction but otherwise says nothing. 

Kayla took a peek at the girl's brother and saw a slightly different story. Ao'nung was glaring, but not at Kayla or Spider. Ao'nung was scowling at Rotxo, the latter of whom looked gobsmacked while staring up at Kayla, unable to hide his shock even as he turned to his best friend to see his reaction. Ao'nung only scoffed and shoved Rotxo's surprised face away with one hand, mumbling to Spider that they should get a move on.

"Where are we going?" Spider asked curiously. 

"Father wanted to show you how to weave our fishing baskets."

His play on words wasn't lost to the group, certainly not to Kayla and Spider. The adult avatar managed to hold back the wince at the thought of Spider silently noting how Ao'nung didn't say 'my father', but did her best to pretend she didn't even notice. Instead, Kayla decided to follow Ao'nung and Spider to the chieftain's marui, while Tsireya and Rotxo had split up to do some chores, promising to catch up with the other reef and Sully kids later. 

Tonowari greeted them as they entered, both he and Kayla sharing a secret smile as she crouched down beside him. Having many obligations around the village yesterday, the olo'eyktan had only been able to see Kayla from a distance and had yet to get a better look at how she appeared in her new top apart from what Ronal had described to him. Kayla could tell how much he enjoyed seeing her wearing his courting gift by the way his large hand grazed over her skin, encompassing her back whenever both Ao'nung and Spider were occupied with the task he had given them.

The two teenagers were busy weaving large pieces of what would eventually become a fishing basket between them, taking up a lot of floor space with the amount of dry grass, seaweed, and pliant wood being used to fashion and form such a large item. Tonowari was mostly instructing Spider on how to do it since Ao'nung was already skilled in basket weaving, but the chief's son was also impatient and this served as a way to tame such impulse. The olo'eyktan works effortlessly alongside them, his words gentle yet stern,

"Work together, like brothers. You are building a house. You're building your village. You're building a family."

Kayla restrains her smile, despite how warm her chest felt while watching the three of them work together in weaving. She allowed herself to play at the idea of this image being hers one day without trying to get her hopes up. As she watches Tonowari instruct Ao'nung and Spider to take turns weaving their basket pieces together, she gives into the desire to call them 'my boys'... but only in her head.

~~~~~~~~~

Flashing lights, spinning faster and faster while his eyes are forced wide open to watch, feeling as though something sharp was penetrating his skull, embedding itself into his memories...

His screams go unheard this time, and no one comes to stop the machine, not even Quaritch, as the blood drips from his nose, bare skin cold against metal. Spider feels as though his head is going to explode--

Sitting up in his nivi, Spider finds himself gasping for air while his eyes try to get accustomed to darkness... no flashing lights in sight. His hammock gently swings with him as he moves, his mind taking an embarrassingly long time to remember where he was. Spider takes a bunch of large, greedy gulps of air, his breathing mask hissing in tandem, while he looks around the marui to remember he isn't alone. 

Kayla was sitting up in her hammock and carefully watching him. Spider's mind briefly felt shame for being responsible for waking her, but he was too busy breathing to form an apology. It's not like she would accept it anyway. The two of them have already spent countless nights waking up due to Spider's nightmares, and Kayla has been adamant in assuring him that he wasn't at fault for any of it. Once she knows Spider is aware of her presence, Kayla silently stands up and moves over to the kid, standing over his nivi as he's sitting up, starting to relax.

When trying to talk, his throat felt raw and his voice only added to it, "... Hey."

"Hey," Kayla bravely reaches out to cup the back of his head, her hand a gentle, warm weight that feels a lot better than a cold, metal slab, "Was it the scanner again?"

He nods, but the moment Kayla goes to step away, something inside him panics. It felt stupid and childish, but Spider couldn't stop the impulse that made his arms move around Kayla's torso and pull her into a tight hug, pressing his mask up against her ribs as his body started to uncontrollably shake.

Kayla froze, arms raised in the air with hesitancy, blinking multiple times to ensure she was still wide awake and not just imagining this. The teenager only burrows further into her as if she had just found him lost in a shopping mall. For several seconds, she didn't even dare to breathe so as not to spook him before she eventually began to relax and gently settle her large arms around his shoulders, her voice softer than before,

"Alright... it's alright, Spider. You're safe now. What do you need?"

"Just," Spider huffed, feeling incredibly stupid yet distressed at the same time. He knows he shouldn't be acting so small and meek, but the idea of going back to sleep terrified him, "Talk. About anything."

The marui is filled with silence as Kayla wracks her brain to come up with things to say, and then decides that now might as well be as good of a time as any, especially if it meant helping distract Spider from his nightmares, "... Ronal and Tonowari have asked me to be their mate."

Initially, he's quiet while digesting the news, but he's honestly not surprised. He thinks back to the way both clan leaders and even their children had been treating him differently today and the day before. It explains the certain looks Spider has seen other Metkayina give Kayla and her new attire... and it would possibly explain Neytiri's sudden apology to him.

Instead of pointing all of these signs out to his guardian, Spider just snorts in his mask and keeps his arms around her waist, "I told you so."

"Shut up," Kayla huffed under her breath, but even he could tell there was no heat behind it, especially since her arms only tightened around him, "I'm not taking an 'I told you so' remark from a sixteen-year-old, especially since I already got that from Norm. I'm dense, okay?"

Spider laughed and let the silence linger for a minute before reopening his mouth, "... So? Did you accept?"

"Not entirely. I told them I wanted to wait until after my Iknimaya is complete."

"Makes sense. That's usually the way it goes. Courting sometimes lasts years for the Na'vi, so it's not entirely something they wouldn't be used to. You did the right thing."

Kayla's tail leisurely sways behind her, the tone in her voice sounding hopeful, "You think so?"

He closes his eyes for a moment, allowing himself to feel like a child for once, to be held and comforted before he answers quietly, "Yeah. I do." 

~~~~~~~~~

While it was an honest answer, there were slightly different intentions behind it. Spider was impressed by the way Kayla handled her courtship, and any respectable Na'vi would approve of her mature decision to wait. However, Spider now felt as though he was racing against the clock, and at least this way, he still had some time to prove himself useful.

Now that he was proven right that Ronal and Tonowari did, in fact, wish to mate with Kayla, Spider felt the need to work harder and become a more willing and helpful individual. He did what he could without the ability to connect with a tswin and tried to always give a helping hand whenever and wherever. Offering help wasn't hard, especially if he offered it to Tsireya since she always had something for him to do, but some Na'vi still have a hard time accepting Spider's help for... obvious reasons.

But even if the Metkayina didn't want his help, the human teen wasn't just going to lie down in defeat. He found many ways of helping around the village, either by his friends' side or himself, now that everyone wasn't as worried about leaving him alone. Other than to help with chores, Spider barely spent time with his friends outside of work, too busy trying to keep himself relevant. He wanted-- no, needed to pull his weight, too ashamed of the idea of being useless to the point he would get left behind again. As silly as he felt for still having such fears... it was still warranted. He wanted to give the Metkayina a chance to trust him and consider him a viable part of this village so they wouldn't make him leave. As much as he missed the Forest, he couldn't bear the thought of going back alone. So if his friends and his... guardian were staying here, then so was he, and he was determined to prove that he deserved to stay here.

These thoughts plagued him almost every waking moment and thus distracted him from the world around him. While Spider was busy gutting and cleaning some fish Lo'ak had caught, he was approached by the very clan leaders he sought to impress, but hadn't noticed their presence until they spoke,

"Hello, Spider."

Spider's posture straightens instinctively in response to Tonowari's strong voice. Looking to his right, the teenager glanced up and met eyes with the olo'eyktan, standing tall beside his mate and greeting the boy with a pleasant smile. Spider stood up and appropriately greeted the clan leaders with a gesture of his hand and a small, almost sheepish smile, "Hello."

"Is your bow of any use?"

It was difficult to see behind the mask, but Tonowari could've sworn Spider's eyes brightened at the mention of his bow, "It's solid and nicely made. Thanks again."

"Of course."

Spider briefly glanced at the silent Ronal, and he felt as though he imagined  the smile on the tsahik's face and quickly looked away to pretend he didn't see it, "Uh... is there anything I can do for you two?"

While Ronal may or may not have been smiling, Spider dared to describe Ronal's tone as sounding almost light when she spoke, "There might be."

Tonowari chuckled at her being vague and decided to specify for the boy who looked between the two of them with such confusion, "We came to ask for your blessing."

The boy tilts his head, "My... blessing?"

"To court your guardian, Makayla te Suli."

Spider appeared uneasy by their motive, crossing his arms over his chest while the confusion was still evident, "Why are you asking me? Shouldn't you be asking Jake?"

Ronal snorts lightheartedly, "Makayla has been vocal about who we should and shouldn't be asking for permission. It's not her brother's approval she wants, it's yours."

He stood there, motionless, trying to figure out the ever-growing puzzle in his head that was made in Kayla's image. He didn't know why she would tell both of her future mates to seek him out over Jake, someone who was related to her by blood, despite their differences. While Spider understood that Makayla felt responsible for him, that didn't mean he was suddenly entitled to any life-changing decisions she had to make. It's not like her decision to join Ronal and Tonowari's family would affect Spider... much.

The idea of being left in an empty marui came to mind, but he quickly stomped the image down, glancing off toward the ocean as he finally gave the two clan leaders his answer, "Then... yeah, I guess it's fine."

~~~~~~~~~

They must have told Kayla his answer, because once she returned home, Spider was met with a cautious look in her eyes,

"And you're really okay with this?" She asked without even greeting him.

Knowing what she was talking about without even asking, Spider only looked at her with the same confusion he had given Ronal and Tonowari, "Yeah?"

"Kid, I'm not doing anything that's going to make you uncomfortable."

Guilt ate away at his stomach, his sole purpose of trying to remain useful to the Metkayina still at the forefront of his mind. He didn't want Kayla to hold herself back for the sake of his comfort. That would only make him a burden and that was the last thing he wanted. He needed to prove that he didn't need her should the day come when she moved into the chieftain's marui and he was left behind.

Trying to keep his expression neutral, Spider tried to explain this to her without having to go into detail about his insecurities, "They're going to be your family someday, not mine."

Realization dawns on Kayla as her eyes widen, "Is that what you want?" When he doesn't answer, keeping his head lowered, Kayla tries a different approach when she feels as though she was onto something, "'Cause personally, I'd rather have you with me on this. I go where you go, kiddo and anyone who gets with me will have to deal with that."

Stunned, he looked up at her with disbelief, unable to help how accusatory his voice sounded, "Why? Why do you care so much?"

There it is. A question that should've been asked a long time ago, but Spider had always been afraid to ask, so confident that he wouldn't like the answer. As for Kayla, she had always been afraid of the day he'd finally ask her because she wasn't sure if she would be able to say the right thing or even give an honest answer. Half the time, she knew she was winging it when it came to taking care of Spider, but... isn't that what most people have been telling her parenting is all about? As much as she wished to continue being stubborn about it or outright refuse it, Kayla had to admit to herself that even if she would never be Spider's mother, she was the closest thing he had to a parental figure. And... she knew, deep down, that's what she wanted but she had been putting her own wants aside if it meant that's not what Spider wanted.

But clearly, he wanted to make sense as to why she wanted him to be comfortable with their new clan leaders, along with everything that came with them, so finally, Kayla took a deep breath and put it all out on the table, "Because you're a kid, Spider, and you deserve a family. I'm asking you if I can officially be your family. And who knows, maybe one day Ronal, Tonowari, and their kids could be your family."

Spider sucked in a sharp breath of air without realizing it, the soft hiss of his mask filling the marui. His nerves made him want to instinctually laugh it off like she was joking, but he didn't picture Kayla to be the kind of person who joked about such things, especially when he was involved. Replaying her words in his head, he almost believed he imagined it; like it was muffled in the back of his mind because that's what he wanted to hear her say... and yet the words had matched up with her mouth as she spoke... had he imagined it?

There was a small, nasty voice in the back of his head telling him that of course, he imagined it because why in her right mind would Kayla want to be his family? He's nothing but trouble and Kayla was being courted by the leaders of the Metkayina, two respected individuals whose image would surely be ruined by Spider's very presence. 

Another small, more kind voice in his head told Spider that Kayla was right and that he deserved to have a family. Sure, it might not be the family he was born into or the family he had wanted practically his whole life, but it could be his, the family he actually needed. He thought of Ao'nung and Tsireya, two Na'vi who had become such unlikely friends... and yet they could be more? Ronal and Tonowari, who have been decent to him, could potentially be more?

Of course, there's also Kayla, the female avatar who looked unsure as she stood before Spider, staring down at him with fear as if she had said the wrong thing. He couldn't possibly hope that this was her intention, and so he swallowed the dryness in his throat before hesitantly replying,

"So... you're not asking if I'm comfortable about this for... other reasons?"

She frowned, "What other reasons?"

"I don't know..." he shrugged and found himself looking away, sheepish to admit it, "I thought you were asking me all this to make sure I would be okay with getting left alone again when you inevitably go to be with them."

He didn't see the way Kayla's eyes briefly widen in horror before she cursed under her breath, crouching down beside him while bravely placing a hand on his shoulder to gain his attention, "Shit, Spider-- I'm sorry. I can see why that looked bad. No, I'm not leaving you alone just because I intend on seeing someone. I take my responsibilities very seriously, thank you very much."

Ah, yes. Responsibilty. That's who he was to Kayla. It was a good reminder for Spider not to get his hopes up, a reminder that Kayla was a parental figure, but she could never be more than that. He didn't dare glance over at the bookshelf where his mother's picture was displayed, not wanting Kayla to misinterpret anything. 

"... Okay."

Kayla's eyebrows furrow, trying not to appear hopeful, "Okay?"

He nods, "Okay."

Kayla smiled then, more confidently and unaware of Spider's hidden thoughts, but he smiled back, regardless. She squeezed his shoulder once more before pulling away, humming with a small, playful tone in her voice as she mentioned, "You know, eventually we'll have to move in with them, right? Are you comfortable with that? You know that families usually pile together at night."

Spider's face slowly begins to contort with uncertainty, "... You and I aren't used to that."

"Nope. We're not."

Nervously, he smiles, "Shit. Is that a dealbreaker?"

The laughter Kayla let out was cheerful and full of life. It was also contagious as Spider found himself laughing as well, and despite his doubt, there was a small bit of weight that had to been lifted from his shoulders. Despite being unsure of what the future holds for him... at the very least, there was going to be someone to keep him safe. Whether or not Kayla could be his family she mentioned, there was also the uncertainty of whether or not the clan leaders and their children would think the same. Either way, his acceptance clearly made Kayla happy, and he didn't want to ruin that with his insecurities. 

~~~~~~~~~

If there's one thing Jake can confidently say about his sister, it's that if she wants him to know something, she'll tell him. 

It was obvious to everyone that Kayla was not afraid to tell Jake whatever she was thinking. She's not afraid to speak her mind to him, no matter how brutal, and while there are times that Jake secretly appreciates it, lately it's been disheartening due to recent... obvious incidents.

So, when Kayla avoided him for two days, Toruk Makto enjoyed the peace and quiet, but Neytiri gave him a knowing expression that told him he wasn't being very true to himself in those moments. He eventually had to admit to himself that the silence was getting to him and he would've preferred his little sister yelling at him than straight up avoiding his presence. He eventually gave in and sought her out on the third day. 

He finds his sister in her marui with Spider that morning, rolling up their separate nivi and getting prepared for the day ahead. Jake watches them for a moment, still unsure of how to address them if neither was going to admit they were mother and son, before announcing his presence. Kayla, once laid back and content, ready to face the day, now looked tense and wary at the sound of her brother's voice. Jake tried not to let it bother him, keeping his expression neutral as he offered to assist Kayla with any chores she had.

She agreed, with reluctance, and moved to meet him in the doorway. Jake did his best to keep his face impassive, but he struggled when Kayla walked close enough to the point he could catch a whiff of her scent. It was by no means her own, or the one Jake had affiliated as his sister whenever she was near. It smelled familiar, but it wasn't Kayla's and while it was faint, it was definitely new. It bothered him for a moment as both he and Kayla walked out of the marui together,his brain trying to conjure where he had smelled that particular scent before. While Jake wanted to mention it, he wisely doesn't say a word for many reasons. The whole scent debacle was a Na'vi thing and he could understand if Kayla wasn't entirely comfortable about the concept, and she may not understand it fully herself. 

And like before, he knows that if there's something Kayla wants him to know, she'll tell him.

Kayla had asked Jake to help her with a canoe she's been wanting to make for a while now, and so together they conjured up the necessary supplies and started hauling it all back to her pod. She trailed behind Jake, silent for the most part, and the tension in the air was palpable, almost worse than the silent treatment she had been giving her brother for a few days. Jake knew something was right on the tip of her tongue, practically hearing the gears in her head without even needing to see her face as he walked in front of her. It was the same, intense silence he remembered experiencing when she was younger, right before she came out to her brothers. Tommy, ever the nurturing sibling, was worried for Kayla and had gently told her that if there was something she'd like to get off her chest, he and Jake would always hear her out, and no matter what, they would always be there for her.

Jake felt his chest squeeze painfully at the memory, so he was glad to distract himself from it when Kayla's voice suddenly spoke up from behind him,

"Jake."

He continued to walk towards her home as it drew near, ear tilted back in her direction, over his shoulder, "Hm?"

"There's something I got to tell you--" 

She paused, and before Jake could ask her to elaborate, a soft thud from behind him gently rattled the woven pathway beneath his feet, followed by the sound of a large splash. Jake frowned and turned back around, only for his sister to no longer be standing there. In her place, was the basket of supplies she had been carrying, the contents spilled across the walkway and even rolling into the water below, the soft plopping sound of small items crashing into the water filling the air while Kayla was nowhere to be seen.

Something heavy falls in Jake's gut, as his ears point up and dance around in alertness. He reacts fast by quickly setting down his items and sprinting to the edge of the path, looking down into the water.

"Kayla!"

He sees a small shadow, quickly growing smaller as it sinks further into the water. It was the only thing that crossed his mind before diving into the sea.

The loud splash followed by Jake's distressed voice calling out to Makayla grabbed Spider's attention and steps out of the kelku, just in time to see the revered Toruk Makto diving straight into the water, abandoning baskets full of spilled supplies all along the pathway in his panicked rush. Spider's heart plummets in the five seconds Jake was underwater, and when the older man had yet to break the surface, Spider found himself running down the woven path toward the spot Jake had jumped from, even if he didn't believe he could be much help to a large, full-sized Na'vi, fearing the worst.

By the time Spider reached the deserted supplies scattered across the walkway, Jake had finally resurfaced, gasping for air while water spilled into his eyes and ears. The former marine struggled to paddle with just one arm back toward the path walk while trying to keep a fully grown female avatar afloat, her closed eyes doing nothing to help the panic begin to eat away at her brother's chest.

Despite being small, Spider scrambled to help Jake lift Kayla's body out of the water, hooking his arms underneath hers and lifting with all his might with a soft grunt. Jake helped by lifting Kayla's legs out of the water, and once she was lying across the pathway on her back, Jake lifted himself out of the water before frantically crawling over to her, gently shoving Spider out of Kayla's space so he could inspect her for injuries.

Nothing visible appeared to be wrong with her, but Kayla's eyes remained closed and when Jake initially dragged her out of the water, he couldn't help but notice how lifeless her body moved. Or, in a sense, didn't move.

"Hey!" Jake practically yelled in her face, his hand beginning to gently pat her cheek, only for the motion to grow into harsher slaps the longer she refused to open her eyes.

The panic that was beginning to rise up to Jake's throat only added to the stern, angry tone in his voice as he yelled at his sister's face, "Heyheyhey, wake up. Kayla!"

"Kayla?" Spider's voice called out, less afraid of sounding panicked while fear was evident behind his mask when directing his attention to Jake, "What's wrong with her?"

"I don't know..." Jake initially replied before pausing his train of thought, a sinking feeling of familiarity washing over him when he started to analyze Kayla's symptoms and recognize the signs. It had been over a decade... but he'd seen this happen before, and the thought scared him.

"Spider, do you have your flashlight?"

Without asking for an explanation, Spider hands him the flashlight he kept in a small pouch of necessities he had tied around his loincloth.

"There we go..." Jake mutters under his breath almost as if trying to soothe and reassure himself, turning on the flashlight before leaning over Kayla's face. He takes his free hand and forces one of her eyelids to peel back, shining the bright light directly into her eye before moving on to the other one. 

Her pupils don't move or even dilate, confirming Jake's growing fear, "Shit. She's not in there."

"What?" Spider croaked, suddenly hating the way his eyes felt warm.

"She's not in there," Jake automatically explained, "Something or someone interrupted her link." 

Jake tries catching his breath, willing himself to regain a bit of self-control. He didn't want to assume the worst, but at the very least, Kayla wasn't dead, and her avatar didn't appear to be injured. For all he knew, Kayla had simply woken up hundreds of miles away, among their human allies and the Omatikaya. He'll just have to make a call back to High Camp and they can sort out this small situation. Nothing major... 

He kept telling himself that as he bent down and lifted Kayla up into his arms, supporting her back and the crook of her legs while trying to maneuver around Spider, "Hang on-- watch out. Let's get her back to my place." 

Spider dutifully follows, bounding down the woven path just to be able to catch up to Jake's long strides, the boy's eyes never leaving Kayla's avatar, "What do we do?"

"Let me try and contact Norm."

The walk back to the Sully marui felt like forever, with Jake trying to stamp down his growing anxiety the longer it took to get back. When they finally arrived, Jake and Spider brought Kayla inside only to find themselves alone, with no one else home. Jake gently lays Kayla down and immediately beelines for his long-range radio, gripping the device harshly as he speaks into it,

"Dirty Falcon, Dirty Falcon, do you read me? This is Devil Dog, over."

Jake releases the button and waits, the pod filled with static and silence. Spider kneels down beside Kayla's head, staring at Jake's radio with a rising, fluttering feeling in his chest that makes chills rise across his skin. As he and Jake continued to sit in silence, the lack of response on Norm's end was palpable.

Jake could hear his own heart racing in his ears as he brought the radio to his mouth once more, "Norm, it's Jake. Are you there? Norm?"

Silence.

"Norm? Norm?"

~~~~~~~~~

He wasn't sure how many times he had tried calling High Camp as minutes turned into hours. Whether it was six or seven attempts, Toruk Makto had begun to inspect the radio to ensure it was even working, not wanting to entertain the thought that something might be wrong on the other end of the communication. Each time he spoke into the radio and then stopped to wait for a response, he couldn't help the glances he'd send over to Spider. Each time, as the silence lingered between each call, the teenager's face only fell further and it made Jake's chest feel like lead. By the time the suns were at the highest peak in the sky, the village stirred with whispers about Makayla te Suli's collapse. As people gradually learned what had happened, Jake found his home being bombarded with not only his wife and children as they raced back to the pod but other Na'vi as well, much to his surprise. 

Some of his children's friends were also present. Ao'nung and Tsireya were with Lo'ak when they heard about what happened to Kayla and immediately came running back to the marui with him, concern etched on their young faces. Jake watched with confusion as the reef siblings moved like a well-oiled machine. Ao'nung, as if on instinct, knelt down beside Spider, inspecting Kayla's avatar while Tsireya sternly let Lo'ak know that she was going to fetch her parents.

Jake heard this but didn't register the words until the young girl was already heading out the door, and by then it was already too late to stop her. Lo'ak quickly distracted his father from his racing thoughts when he asked what had happened to his aunt. By the time Jake recounted the events, the rest of the Sullys were speeding into the marui and Tsireya had returned with the clan leaders. 

Ronal was like a tidal wave as she bounded into the Sullys' home, a fearsome expression in her eyes that would immediately make any normal man flinch had Jake not been exposed to Grace Augustine's own ferocity, 

"And why have you brought her back here instead of to me?"

"Because she's not injured and this has nothing to do with spirituality," Jake found himself saying robotically, instinctively falling into the role of Toruk Makto to help him not acknowledge the hidden anxiety deep in his gut, "Makayla's human form must have woken up and that's why she collapsed here. She's... she's no longer possessing this body."

Tonowari hovers over his mate like a protective shadow as she bends down over Kayla's avatar, the olo'eyktan's eyes hardened with determination to find a solution as he addresses Jake, "Is that normal?"

Jake's ears pin back, eyes unfocused for a moment, "No, it's not. This only happens if someone is forced out of their Na'vi body. I've seen it before."

Ronal grabs Kayla's chin to tilt the avatar's head to look up at her, "Makayla? Makayla, can you hear me?"

The formality had puzzled Jake for a moment, staring oddly at the tsahik as she continued to carefully inspect his sister's avatar. Peering over at his wife, he noticed Neytiri looking back at him, waiting patiently with her tail gently swaying behind her, the way she normally looked when she expected him to figure something out. Whatever it was, it would have to wait as Jake shook his head and turned back toward the radio, making contact his first priority. 

"Dirty Falcon, Dirty Falcon, do you read me? This is Devil Dog, over." Jake pressed into the radio before letting go of the button, not as enthusiastic for a reply.

"What is happening?" Tonowari questioned.

"I've been trying to reach our human allies with the Omatikaya all afternoon, but so far no one's responding."

"And I take it that is not normal either?"

A shadow falls over Jake's eyes as he glares into the piece of technology in front of him, "No."

"J-- Jake! We have a situation."

A familiar voice suddenly buzzes through the device before being abruptly cut off. The whole room stills as if time had stopped. Jake hadn't noticed he was holding his breath as he stared down at the radio until his lungs burned and his heart squeezed painfully in his chest. With a start, Jake greedily sucks in air as he quickly moves to grab the radio,

"Norm, what's going on?" He harshly demands, "What happened?"

"Lab compromised-- can't--"

The connection cuts off again but Jake doesn't give up, desperate for an answer, "Norm! Come on... Norm, do you copy? Where's Kayla?" 

"She... She's gone!"

The air completely sucks out of his lungs, his brain scrambling for a reasonable explanation. He didn't have to look around to know that everyone else would be panicked and concerned as well. Ronal had stood up straight once more, standing near Kayla's feet as her expression reared back with affliction, her eyes darting to Tonowari as they both shared a look of genuine fright. Spider noticed their exchange out of the corner of his eye before looking back down at the body in front of him, his chest feeling tight as the news sunk in, his small hand leaning near Kayla's as if afraid that touching her hand would somehow evaporate her avatar's form. The lightest brush of skin against his elbow let him know that Ao'nung was still right beside him.

Jake could feel the rushing of his heartbeat pulsing loudly in his ears as he absorbed the information. All other rational thoughts jump out the window as he suddenly snaps and growled into the communication device, "What do you mean 'gone?' Norm, what the fuck happened?"

Neytiri didn't even have the heart to chastise her husband for such language in front of the children, her own mind spiraling at all of the possibilities that might have befallen her people, let alone Kayla. Tuk's hand instinctively reaches up to grab her mother's when she feels the older woman's distress, the air stale with tension as all eyes are fixed on the radio. 

"I had to force an emergency shutdown on Kayla's link in progress," Norm finally manages to explain without the connection cutting him off, "High Camp had to evacuate because we thought our location might've been compromised. We all scattered and ran to hide and avoid capture, but when we made it to the rendevous she didn't show up-- And... she's not here, Jake. We went back to camp when the coast was clear and Kayla is the only one not accounted for."

That could mean anything, but Jake wasn't ready to make any conclusions until he got the full story, "Who compromised High Camp?"

"Quaritch."

The room felt silent once more, dread swimming in Jake's gut as he closed his eyes and heaved a large, exhausted sigh. One of his ears flicked in the direction he knew Kiri was kneeling down to wrap her arms protectively around Spider without even having to look. 

"He had been sighted scouting the Hallelujah Mountains for days prior to this. We thought he might've finally found us so we dispersed."

Jake's head spun with emotions, trying not to let anger get the better of him as he clutched the radio, "Why didn't you call in these sightings to me? I would've come back."

"Because we thought he was after YOU, Jake. If you had come running back, he would've been there, waiting for you."

He took a deep breath, "Do we know for sure Quaritch has Kayla?" 

"We're still looking, but... look-- Kayla grabbed a radio before we split up and scattered. There was a tracker, and when we got back, Max tried to access it, but the signal was lost nearly halfway to our rendevous point. If Quaritch snatched her, he could be anywhere by now."

"... So why Kayla? Did he take her to get to me?"

"That's what I thought originally. But Jake-- we don't think he's reporting back to Ardmore anymore."

Norm's words clearly surprise Jake, eyes briefly widening before they return to their normal shape. Unaware of Jake's reaction, Norm's voice continues to come in through the radio, "We've been monitoring RDA radio chatter and there were never any indicators that he never called in a strike against the camp. Ardmore didn't send an army, it was just him. I think he acted alone on this, against Ardmore's orders. Or maybe she doesn't know about it. All I know is he's after something or someone, whether it's you or something else, he knows that Kayla has what he wants."

Jake feels a weight of revelation sink in his stomach, slowly peering over his shoulder, only to find that Spider was already looking back at him. As expected, Kiri was kneeling behind her best friend and her long blue arms encompassed the human teen's shoulders, tightening further when her father's gaze landed on them. Spider doesn't move or even breathe for that matter, the kid's eyes wide with what could only be described as fear. 

"I think I know what he's after," Jake muttered back into the radio, his eyes never leaving Spider's, "Let me get back to you with a plan, Norm."

He cuts contact on the radio and rushes to stand up. Kiri, assuming the worst after seeing the look in his eye when he gazed at Spider, speaks up before her father can even say a word, "Dad, you can't leave her! Not like when you left Spider!"

Jake winced, an apologetic expression directed at the boy in question before he straightened his posture, looking around at the room of Na'vi all staring at him expectedly. The weight of Toruk Makto was heavy on his shoulders once more... only this time it felt worse. The fear of failure was worse.

Quaritch likely has Kayla, and the very thought of the Recom holding his sister hostage brought that same, deep-rooted fear he had festered when Quaritch had taken his daughters. The haunted image of Quaritch's knife against Kayla's throat when they were fighting on the ship didn't help that fear. Looking over and meeting Neytiri's eyes, Jake saw that same haunted expression on her face, the look of someone who had lost so many of her loved ones to the colonel. Quaritch was responsible for her father's death, and the lives that were lost when Hometree fell. Quaritch was responsible for Tsu'tey, for Grace, for Trudy... Neteyam... Hell, he might have been the one held responsible for the death of Neytiri's sister, Sylwanin.  

Turning back and taking one look at Spider's pleading eyes, Jake was desperate to ensure that Kayla wouldn't be added to Quaritch's growing list. 

Jake's expression hardened, hiding away his thoughts while addressing Kiri, "I won't, baby girl. Not this time." 

~~~~~~~~~

A/n: In between chapters, I asked for a couple of commissions from the following:

I'd like to thank @sullyfortress for this beautiful masterpiece of Kayla!

And @rocklobster0 for making this cute chibi art of Kayla/Tonowari/Ronal! You guys are amazing individuals and are so gifted😍Thank you so much!

[captainaikus]

I love your work so much and it has been like 2 hours since i discovered it aghhh ><

(Nsfw) ik you're on hiatus but just a quick idea(thought it was cool sorry TT). Itoshi rin as a butler and the reader as royalty, reader initiates things by teasing rin but rin rejects because of their differneces in class but eventually give in and lets out his inner yandere 🙏 they have sex secretly with rin degrading reader for being such a whore even though shes royality🤦‍♀️ (you can write it in any way you want ill be satisfied anyways) please ignore if you dont like it im not trying to force you to write this 🙏 love you hope everything's fine!

tysm doll 💜 i'm glad you enjoy my works :p

wc : 1.0k, not proofread.

warnings : dark themes, mentions of nudity, rin has a temper, degradation, mentions of sadness, y/n having a break down, fingering, mentions of alcohol and use of poison, intended for murder. based in victorian period.

Rin is the butler of the house and has been your childhood friend. Considers himself to be distinct from you, he makes his bed on mornings, getting into his suit. Over the years it was the same routine, making your bed, telling you your schedule for the day, reminding you to dab the corner of your mouth when you ate something, giving you a glare when you picked up the wrong fork or when you were crass, even telling you to sit up straight when you slouched.

He is a strict disciplinarian, going harsh and hard on you, sometimes even pushing you to the verge of tears yet he was also the shoulder you cried on certain nights, finding solace in his stiff posture, not daring to touch you. He knew the two of you couldn't be in the same world. You were the princess while he was your butler. A gentle hand like yours wouldn't want his scarred one, he would think, staring into his glass of wine on the kitchen counter. little did he know that you liked him and had found adoration for him over the years.

Just when Rin couldn't seem to shake you out of his head, things got worse. Your bed was messy than usual - taking him hours to spread it over. Your behavior became more crass and you became more defiant, shooting back at him.

the last straw was when you demanded that he bathe you, extending a foot towards him, your breasts covered with the milkiness of the soaped water in the large bath, the sunlight reflecting off your skin making you look tempting to man. "Go on. Clean me, Rin." you tempted, waving your foot of at him.

Throwing the sponge on the ground, he had had enough, getting into the water with you, his shirt becoming soaked and transparent. Holding you by the throat, he leans in menacingly towards you. "I can tolerate having to do chores. But what I won't tolerate is you disrespecting me. Try that again and I'll make sure that you are punished. I might be a mere butler, but remember. I know you like the back of my hand and these years of experience have given me enough knowledge about you. The next time you disrespect me, I will make sure to take you over my fucking knee. Are we clear about that princess?"

You don't talk to him for weeks, while he adjusts to you until he was in the courtroom, summoned by your mother the queen. "Make sure that she fits into the finest of gowns you can find and that she attends to the tailor to have her measurements taken." she commanded. "She has to impress her suitors." The dreaded instance. You were in your early twenties, bound to be married. He was upset that night, going to town once the sun went down to drown his sorrows in his glasses of wine for he hated beer. As the week passed by, he noticed instances of your courtship with the prince of a neighboring kingdom whose name and face he did not bother to remember.

It wasn't until one bold night he couldn't hold it in anymore, watching you give him lust and desired filled glances despite the fiancé of your parents choosing giving you attention with lavish gifts. He came to your chambers that night demanding answers.

"You just love pushing my buttons, don't you princess. What kind of a whorish upbringing did you even have to start behaving like this?" he taunted you as he thrust two fingers into your soaking wet cunt. "Do you just love seducing men and then not giving them what they want? Do enjoy torturing me?" He watched as you turned your head from side to side, refusing to meet his eyes. "Can't even see me. Aren't you even the least bit ashamed of yourself?" he prodded further. You refused to answer, your lips sealed.

Getting on top of you, he grinds his knee into your pussy, making you moan, his hands firmly holding yours above your head.

"Tell me princess, do you like driving a man to the verge of insanity ? Making him watch you with your future husband yet letting him fuck you in this bed ? Just how low has your dignity fallen princess? You're not even worth a common whore, in fact you're worse." he sneered, gathering your hands into his wrist whilst the other was holding the flesh of your thigh. "What other choice do I have?! My parents want me to marry someone of royal stature, yet they care less about me. You've seen how ruthless my kin can be, marrying off my sisters to gain more lands. You think I'm happy ?! huh?! Do you ?!" you cry. He felt nothing more than to make your anguish disappear. Words of love were exchanged that night. "I'm here." "I'm not leaving you." The usual gruff and strict disciplinarian of a butler had turned into a lover, giving you words of affirmation with every thrust, moaning into your ear and kissing every part of your body that his lips could reach, losing his sanity over and over again as your drew him into your warm welcoming arms. The thought of you being with someone else being pushed into the back of his mind replaced with how good you were clenching around him while your nails drew lines down his back, his hand swiping at your clit to give you your release. Lying in the same bed with you he kissed your forehead while his hand pet your hair a sign of a short goodbye as he was to leave early the next morning.

He watched as you pretended to be interested in the talks your fiancé was giving, with the occasional smile you gave him along with a playful tap. Looking into the tray of wines, he knew the prince's glass, slipping a poison into it. You would weep perhaps from shock and sadness over the loss of a life. But in the end,

you would always turn to his shoulder for solace just as you had in good old days.

[c0smiccom3t]

Dimension Dyfenders Mini-newsletter blog - OCTOBER EDITION!

Hello, everyone!! Welcome back to a new D.D newsletter blog post! This time, like ive said ever since a month ago, it's not a big one, but it's very exciting indeed! So, i guess you can call this a "mini"-newsletter post. Now without further ado... Let's hop 2 it!

BIG NEWS REGARDING POCKET ADVENTURES!!

You guys still remember pocket adventures, do you? If so, remember the part where i said its first minisode's script was half-way done? Well... THIS JUST IN! I'm happy to announce that the script is OFFICIALLY FINISHED! Now, all that I have left for minisode 1 at this rate is finishing up all of its pages! And speaking of pages, Here are some panels from the upcoming pages from the comic, possibly to be finished in April, and planned to be released in May 2025 (the series' anniversary month)!

And that's not all! A script for a minisode of pocket adventures also finished production a while ago. (It's not minisode 2.) But hey, i'm saving that for another time, anyway. It's way too soon, and summer has already passed, so... Maybe next time, waves will be easier to catch. Who knows?🌊🏄‍♂️🏖️

What's that you're saying?

"Comet, that's great and all that Pocket Adventures minisode 1 is coming along great! But what about Toonies?"

Ohhh Am I GLAD you asked!

Lucky for you all, I have more toonies comics planned right inside my noggin. So, once i can think up of any good ideas, they will be released for you all to enjoy! As for the new fans however... Since there are some people (esp on Bluesky) who are NUTS abt Indie animation and comics and all that and want to know about D.D's world, premise, cast, etc... I'm happy to announce that RE-INTRODUCTION COMICS ARE IN THE PLANS! they may not be in development, yet. But I can assure you, new fans who discover this series will get their cake! OH YEAH! I forgot to mention another thing... Sometimes in toonies and in the reintro comics, there will be chibi versions of the characters getting into shenanigans! Here's what one of our characters will look like as a chibi, courtesy of the y2k artstyle and Knockout himself.

Look at this, isn't he adorable?? Just think of what the other characters will look like! the possibilities are endless!

I dont know when those comics will be made and uploaded. But trust me, wether it's the re-intro comics, toonies or Pocket Adventures, you're sure in for a treat! Okay... I'm sure there isn't anything else i wanna say, is there...? Oh yeah! Almost forgot!

So... About the specials.

Yes, I mean the Halloween special AND the supposed to be 3rd anniversary special. As much as it pains me to say it, the latter is NO LONGER an anniversary special due to time constraints and IRL stuff getting in the way. Instead, it will be a regular special! (It's still a special though!) It will be rewritten to fit less into the anniversary type and instead it will be made about something thats the same (the gala) but just 30% different which i cannot say because i put an NDA on myself and i can't get it out because if i try to his highness will kill me.

As for the good news, I can say that there's another special in the back of my mind. Actually, its script has been in development for a while now! Just give it a few februarys and it'll happen. However, i'm not telling what it is, but I'm positive that it'll leave you... Love-struck.👑💕

Speaking of plans and whatnot, I'll have to reveal that there isn't gonna be much content in 2025 after m01, mostly because i'll be working on the minisodes and won't release them until theyre finished and because me and my mom have been thinking of moving back to italy next year once im done with art school. So, that means D.D might go on yet ANOTHER hiatus, unfortunately. HOWEVER, I have BIG plans for 2026! Plans that i can't go much into detail (once again NDA by myself). But i can definitely tell you all, that's its gonna be amazing! No, it's not animated (yet.) but it's def worth waiting for!

And for any "fansies" reading this. Trust me, he's NOT leaving anytime soon, and you know it!

As for other stuff before i close this off. There will be a thread on my bluesky about introducing you all to Dimension Dyfenders as a whole! (once i finish up with concept art + ref sheets and new renders im currently working on.) So, be sure to look out 4 it!

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! I am so excited to show off what this series will get into next as yours truly tries to carry it on their back while its 2 team members are away as much as they can! And trust me, I'll be sure to NOT disappoint you all. And thats a promise.

once again, thank you for reading and thank you all for your support! I still will be on the lookout for any fanart i see about the series! Remember, stuff like that and criticism are very appreciated here!! Have a riftastic day/night!!

[ace930615]

IMPORTANT PLEASE READDDD

Hey guys, unfortunately I'm going to have to take a hiatus for awhile :-( a lot is going on in my personal life with school and work, and as of recently a few weeks back around Christmas my grandmother caught covid and it really knocked her down and made her extremely weak. She can't really walk anymore, needs oxygen, has bowel incontinence, and dementia. She was in the hospital until about a week ago and was going to be living with my family for the time being until we figured out exactly what my nana needs. I honestly dont know why they discharged her because ... man she was still really bad and they knew that she wouldn't have a nurse to come to our house yet! She was residing in my sisters room while my sister moved into our father's office. My sister and i were taking care of her full time for a week, which was extremely stressful. My sister and i had to make sure she was eating/drinking, cleaning up after her (changing her diaper) constantly changing her sheets and making sure she wasn't taking her catheter or diaper off because she kept doing it lmfao. My sister and i told our dad she absolutely needs more assistance than what my sister and i were providing her, we couldn't even get her properly clean like in the bath since she still had a catheter and could barely move we would have to wipe her down! She started to get sick again and we brought her back to the hospital (which she ended up falling and hitting her head). They tried to discharge her back to our house again but eventually my dad got them to discharge her to a nursing home. She's about an hour away, and might need to go to more of a facility/rehab rather than an elderly home because of how sick she is. It's not something we can exactly afford, its going to take whatever little money she gets by the government (since shes not working obviously) and whatever medical/insurance can cover. There really isnt any other choice, we dont have anyone in the family who can dedicated 100% of their time taking care of her (which would have probably been my mom but shes dead), even then my nana would probably still need a nurse constantly if she were to live at our house. My dad and i have been dealing with her insurance since some of it is in my name, and we found out she stopped paying her bills months ago. This isnt surprising considering how downhill she has gone, even before she was sick but my dad wouldnt listen to my sister and i who were still taking care of her weekly because she just got so weak while she still lived in her apartment (due to old age and a number of medical issues). My nana is also incredibly stubborn and did not want to move out of her apartment for as long as she could. She still thinks she can go back but obviously not. So its been really messy! Really messy and stressful and sad LOL. On top I am also having computer issues which is preventing me from saving any art I draw, which honestly im probably just going to have to get a new computer at this point. If you have commissioned me please reach out, I will also be sending messages when i can to my commissioners and we can further discuss it. I am open to refunds at this time! Unless you are willing to wait until i come back, which could be a few months. I absolutely cannot focus on art professionally right now due to these circumstances. I haven't felt this since my mom got sick and passed away in 2016 so it's really... taking a toll on me and my family. Im sorry if this post is a mess there is so much more to this situation and its so complicated i tried to just go over the most important stuff. Thank you guys again. I will be back soon!

[carmenized-onions]

HEY LOVELY!!!

Been a while since ive done one of these. Im re-reading AGAIN and forever will be. im obsessed, truly.

Through re-reading this hit SO hard.

“The other shoe still hangs in the air; but not in your bed.”

LIKE WHAT? HELLO? KILL ME? Your writing is phenomenal. i cannot fathom how you do this EVERY CHAPTER.

Anyway, im so exited to read every chapter to come. Am i in love with Tony? maybe a little (a lot). I was also wondering if you have anything planned for after you finish Chicago's finest? Another The Bear book? or maybe something else entirely? Not to rush you or anything, obviously. Im just so incredibly nosy. My deep apologies.

Just to tell you for the millionth time, im in love with you, youre writing, Tony, how you write the characters, EVERYTHING. gives me life.

me when i hear anyone coming even CLOSE to me while im reading Chicago's finest.

me planning a characters slow and painful demise when they upset Tony. (love you Carmy. not really. no, joking i do. maybe not. NO I DO I SWEAR.)

me trying to act casual when i see you've posted.

ALSO

me trying to act casual when Tony and Syd are interacting. (Dont worry, babe! by Chappell Roan? Who said that...?)

ANYWAY (for the second time) very sorry that this is just me rambling about stuff you dont want to hear.

Hope you're having an amazing day/night, lovely!!

I've stuck you in perpetual re-reading hell have I? My deepest apologies. Esp since I've been chronically re-reading in my brief basically hiatus as i write, I USE SO MANY COMMAS GUYS??? WHY WERE YOU LETTING ME GET AWAY WITH THAT??

the revisions once the series is finished is gonna go CRAZY.

Anyways, SUCH A DELIGHT to hear what silly prose of mine sticks out to you!! thank god you think i do it every chapter!! i am constantly doubting each chapter (man why do you think 15 has been so delayed? LMAO)

I adored using the other shoe as a through line throughout the Troubled Angst arc, one because it's very canon, but also because its very much a thing for me, like, when a good thing happens, cannot HELP but wonder how it's going to get fucked in the end.

which, after telling my doctor that, got reccomended the same books i reccomended carmen LMAO. love you son <3

THANK YOU FOR LOVING TONY!!! I love her dearly, I put so much of myself in her and also so much of what I see and love about my darling friends; my sweet darling dashing hero complex burden carrying the guy overconfident yet under confident tony. My sweet babe. the people love you!!

As for when I finish Chicago's Kindest (PUNCH BUGGY ACAB!! FUCK THE FINEST!!), I'll probably certainly absolutely take a break from writing for The Bear for a bit (though I'll definitely be around to answer asks!! duh!!). But once I return, I am hoping to...

If you send in little blurb requests for Chicago's Kindest, I'll do em!! I know esp with like Mikey/Chip there's a lot of bits that have been spoken about but never actually written out and lived. So like. If you got requests, send em in, I might write em.

I promised a SquidInk spinoff and bitch you're getting one!! There's two different ideas I've got twirling around for them at the moment, they might combine into one one off, or two separate things, who's to say!

More and More I cannot see RiChip as anything more than a platonic duo, but like, maybe I'll try to write something about them? I do adore those two. I just cant see em doin a kiss. that's just bad for my brain.

And I have no hard plans atm, but like, I'd like to write something for RIchie in general at some point. What about and what of? Idk. Certainly not a series this long. that's for fucking sure.

I don't think I can ever write for Carmen though again LMAOOO, it's only Tony for me atp. Like I can't pair him with a new reader, I'll fucking freak out. It's Chip or Die, y'know?

And while I have an epilogue planned, once Season 4 comes out, if there's something interesting that I feel like I wanna throw my hat in on, I'll come back for a Chicago's Kindest Season 2, so to speak. But no promises. They will probably give me nothing to work with, with how our stories diverge. who's to say.

anyways! not nosy!! sorry for talking about it for so fucking long!!!

i'm so glad I write the characters well, please note that it's cause I'm always freaking out about it. I am re-writing bits of lines all the time to make sure it suits their voices and decisions ,and even still i have changes i wanna make looking back LMAO

DONT CRASH OUT WHEN READING CHICAGO'S KINDEST LMAOSOD where is everyone typically when reading CK?? I'm usually on the subway editing my google doc lmao

and listen, every time i re-read Just Dropped i'm like damn. why did i not go with the punching route. should've cold clocked his ass. (love you carmy but JESUS CHRIST I WROTE ALL THAT??? WHAT WAS I GOING THROUGH MY WORD???)

THE LAST PHOTO ALSO?? i know that's a classic promo image but what the FUCK IS RICHIE DOING IN THE BACK? WHY ARE YOU SITTING LIKE THAT??? SIT UP BIG MAN WHAT THE HELL WE RUN A BUSINESS GIRL

Always rant and ramble to me!! Love to wake up to spam in my inbox. even if it takes me ten years to answer (sorry to everyone still trapped in my inbox, i love you babies)

all of you are really gonna hoot and holler when you see the squidink playlist, truly, it's so gay and sad. i love those idiots. when do i get to make them kiss. is it now? i hope it's now.

anyways i am SO LATE TO GO TO BED I'VE GOTTA GO BABIES BUT THANK YOU FOR CHATTIN WITH ME SORRY FOR TALKING FOR TOO LONG <3 HOPE I GET YOU YOUR NEXT CHAPTER SOON BABY I'M SORRY FOR THE FORCED HIATUS

[lovelywingsart]

Plans for after 'Dear Mother' (kinda long plan update shite!)

So y'all have probably noticed that I'm going ham on 'Dear Mother' - Thats because I gave myself the goal of finishing it before years end. And, good news, its almost done!!! So really, im just here to say my plans afterwards since I really haven't been updating much at all;

> Immediately after Dear Mother is finished, I'll be going on a partial hiatus to finish Baldurs Gate 3 and give myself time to relax and just... give myself a fucking break. The only times I'll be on the computer are the 2 days a week my fiance uses the PS5 to play with friends, so those are the only time I'll be doing any kind of art, be it personal or commission work. So if you happen to get a commission, please do not expect it right away. The general TAT for small things is 2 weeks, and with this hiatus and minimal energy, it might be longer. But I'll be giving myself a very... VERY much needed break to finish BG3 and have more shenanigans afterwards.

> When hiatus is over, be it immediately after the game or giving some time to work on other things, I'll be starting a new comic, and will try to pace myself a little bit because its going to be... huge. There will also be one more Survival AU written story before it starts- because this comic will be the fight against Miranda, involving the Lords, Emelia and Ethan. It is going to be huge, and its going to be difficult. There will be no other primary written stories until after its done unless there's a drabble or something someone asks me to make. I'll be finishing up and perfecting a few stories for after that's done, though I will primarily be working on the Survival AU with art, as well.

> Now, when the Survival AU comic is done, I may take another break, because there's yet another comic I'm going to start, which will be Emelias arrival to the factory. The start of this comic will also kickstart primary work focusing on the first few years of Emelias arrival. I am going to say now that while yes, they may have their moments, there will be quite a bit of mildly uncomfortable subjects, as the first few years involved some heavy mutual abuse from both. You'll get to see how she got there and how they managed the first few years as well as quite a bit with her having... well, two eyes 😂 I'll give another warning when I get there but yknow. I've said before how genuinely dysfunctional they are with a few written examples, but I feel like it'll be a different story with proper visual...

And while I'm working on that fun little bit, I'll also be introducing a new written series that I've been secretly chipping away at- While I work on Emelias background and arrival, I'll also be working on Karls.

I will be working on/posting a small(?) mini(???) series of Karls own backstory. It will include his own 'arrival' to the village, interactions with Miranda and occasionally the Lords, and even smaller things such as the loss of his leg and how he got the scars across his nose and throat, all up until Emelia is dropped off. I don't plan on there being VERY many stories, though I will absolutely be more than open to writing for him if anyone has other ideas! 💙

And... thats it for now! Noting that the next two comics are going to take quite a while, ESPECIALLY the Survival AU one... I've no idea how long everything will take exactly, and all this is going off of if life decides to give me a fucking break. There's still alot going on, and I'm struggling alot... but I still have plans. Dear Mother will be finished before the new year (if not nearly exactly ON new years depending on our plans for the next two weeks and me not getting burnt out) and I'll have January to attempt to recuperate. Will I take the entire month? I'm not sure. But given shit doesn't go wrong like it did this year, we might be ok.

But... yeah! Thats about it. Right now I'm focusing on Dear Mother and trying my best. Comms ARE still open but will just take a lil bit more time than usual, so if you're fine waiting, hit me up 👍

[devilsofficialfanfic]

Doing The Best We Can

Chapter 18: Sweetheart

The meeting was called back into session, and Lotor took his place next to Keith. He really did like having Keith right beside him.

They had planned all this out ahead of time, as they usually did before negotiations of any sort, but it was still nice to be able to communicate silently with Keith in the midst of things. It was impossible to account for every single outcome, after all, no matter how much thought you put into something.

And he could hold Keith’s hand under the table and no one would know.

The situation was not as fraught as it could have been. The Galra Empire would survive isolation quite well, probably; the two dozen planets under Imperial control had small, but steadily growing, populations and large amounts of various natural resources. Seven of those planets were industrial centers, and a further eleven were agricultural producers. They’d prosper.

The rest of the universe might not; the war had been hard on many.

Not all, of course; provisions had been made as planets elected to leave the Empire, in the name of revitalizing economies, instead of letting them crash.

Coalition planets were different. For one thing, most were too proud to ask for help, and even if they had… By the time the war ended, they weren’t the Empire’s responsibility. They had wanted freedom, and Lotor understood -admired -that, but freedom meant that they would have to weather the hardships ahead of them, instead of continuing to blame the Empire for each and every problem.

At some point, you just had to move on and do what needed to be done.

Only, they hadn’t, and that’s why they were here.

He was called on to speak again, and he let go of Keith’s hand and stood. “We have been working on this issue tirelessly since the end of the war. Our fleets are the only ones capable of handling this scale of operation. We have spent a total of fifty billion GAC on various Coalition-sponsored resettlement programs and revitalization projects. There is barely a piracy problem within Imperial territory, because we have the resources to guard our shipments and patrol trade routes. We are offering this support now in order to better not ourselves, but the known universe as a whole.

“But it will not come without a cost, and that cost is that you must trust us.”

“Why should we?”

Lotor did not quite catch the speaker, but he turned in their general direction. “Because you have no choice. Few Coalition planets are self-sufficient, and without intergalactic trade, the remainder will starve. And then you will blame that, too, on the Galra.

“Trade enriches all of us. Galra, Olkarion, Taujeerian, Human… Refusing our offer of assistance will mean that pirates will run rampant over your civilizations. Do not let your justified hatred of my father continue to color your perceptions of what the Empire is now.”

-

Lotor was tired. He’d spent part of the afternoon, after the Empire’s representatives had been excused from the meeting, doing some in-depth examinations of various...technologies and bribing the Castle’s mice.

His mind had not been able to let go of the matter at hand, of course, and that was part of the reason he was unable to sleep, despite his exhaustion.

At least the night air was cooler.

Lance sidled up to him at the balcony. Lance’s footsteps weren’t as stealthy as Keith’s, making it easy for him to tell them apart without looking.

“Couldn’t sleep?” Lance asked softly. Presumably to keep from waking Keith, but Lotor knew from experience that that would not be a problem. Those sleeping pills were potent.

“Just thinking,” Lotor said. There was an orange glow on the horizon; a wild fire of some type, perhaps. But it was far away.

Lance leaned his head against Lotor’s arm. “Yeah?” A clear invitation to share whatever troubled him.

Lotor wasn’t sure, exactly, what troubled him. Keith and he had planned for most contingencies regarding the meeting, including this one, and it was working perfectly so far. The schematics he’d drawn as a result of this afternoon’s adventure in the Castle weren’t terribly important; certainly not enough to keep him awake. And while the heat was annoying, he’d slept in far worse conditions.

“I...don’t know,” he said finally. “It’s probably nothing.”

“I’m not sure I believe that,” Lance said. He ducked under Lotor’s arm, and Lotor obliged him by wrapping his arm around Lance’s waist.

Lotor sighed. “I suppose… Keith mentioned he spoke to you, before you left Daikiraan. About adopting a child.”

“He did,” Lance said neutrally.

“And I… I’ve never really been around children,” Lotor admitted. “I’m...afraid.”

“Everyone’s scared of screwing their kids up. The important thing, I guess, is just...being there. Putting the time in. Everything else can be learned.”

He knew it was too dark for Lance to really see much, and perhaps that was why he was able to ask the question he hadn’t quite managed to ask Keith. “Do you think I would be a good father?”

Lance was silent -Lotor imagined it was a startled silence, like it was something Lance hadn’t quite considered -for a long moment. “Oh,” he breathed finally. “Oh, Lotor.” He twisted a little, so he could look up at Lotor.

Lotor avoided his gaze. Selfishly, perhaps. But he was allowed this small indulgence.

“Lotor, sweetheart, look at me?”

It was hard, but Lotor did, because he could rarely refuse any request Lance made in that soft, sweet tone.

Lance reached up and cupped his face with both hands. “You are not, and you will never be, your father, ok? I know he hurt you, but he’s dead, and he’s been dead, and he can’t hurt you anymore. He will never hurt you again, and you will never become him, ok, because you are not him.”

“But what if-?”

“No, hush. It’s not going to happen.” Lance was quiet until Lotor finally nodded reluctantly. “Ultimately, it’s up to you. Keith said he’s been considering it for several years now, and I always knew I’d prefer to have kids, but we’re not going to force it on you if you don’t want to. It’s something we all have to commit to, together, and if your heart’s not in it, then it’s not fair to the kid or you.

“That being said, I think, personally, that you’d make a great father. I mean, maybe you’ve never really been around kids, but you can learn to feed a baby and change diapers and all that. That’s not what makes a great father. You just...have to be there, yeah? And you’re always so attentive when it comes to me and Keith, always so considerate and warm to us? So I think you’d be really great with kids.”

Lotor pressed his cheek into Lance’s right hand. “I…don’t know what to say to that.”

“Just think about it. You don’t have to make a decision anytime soon. It’s kind of one of those things you probably shouldn’t rush into, you know?”

“Would you be…” Lotor searched for the right word. “Upset? Disappointed? If I decided against it?”

“Yeah, a little, probably,” Lance admitted. “But not at you, and I’d, you know, get over it. Volunteer with a youth program or something. But just because I might be upset, does not mean you have to agree to it. We’re married, now, so that means we’re in this together, for better or worse, remember? If we’re gonna do this, we need to be in agreement about it. I love you, and Keith loves you, and we’re gonna love you no matter how this turns out, ok? So you don’t need to worry about that.”

“I know,” Lotor said softly, then leaned down to kiss Lance. “Thank you for this. I appreciate it a great deal.”

“Yeah, well, what are husbands for?” Lance said with a grin. Then he yawned. “Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get up early tomorrow and it is way past my bedti-“

Lotor scooped him up in one smooth motion. “I suppose it’s time for me to go to bed as well.”

Lance laughed and wrapped an arm around Lotor’s shoulders. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too.”

[shoichee]

Hello! First of all I wanna say that I really love your writing! It has me excited every time!!

I had this idea for a while and it always makes me go SOFT!

Haizaki, Imayoshi and Hanamiya (Separately) X f!reader. Like Reader would have a massive crush but it's basic friendship between them so they're really close friends/best friends. And since reader is friends with those baddies Reader usually keeps a tough front so one day Reader can't really hold it no more and Goes "Shut up and Just Hug me" while bawling her eyes out? Like I bet those baddies wouldn't know how to react but I think it would be really cute!!

Anyways Have a Good Day/Night Hun!! All the Love!!

ANON THE WAY THIS PROMPT HAS BEEN ON MY MIND THE ENTIRE 6 MONTH HIATUS, IM SO EXCITED TO FINALLY BE ABLE TO WRITE THIS BLESS UR GENIUS MIND, but wow this prompt is so damn challenging because these 3 are assholes in their own ways—

Also Note: these headcanons are hella long (this entire thing is collectively 19 pages long), like each feels like a whole anime arc LMAO because these three characters having a “favorable” reaction to the reader crying would need a ton of context, which includes: how they met, their relationship dynamics, and such… and these three also have their own definitions of what a “tough” reader is to them… so without further ado, I guess I’m beginning my active status with a big bang…

I would like to tag: @takatul @mihangry @nadav-ii @roppongiperfume @carinacassiopeiae @seijurosempress @kkeke99 @4kominato @bunny-girl-lia (@dust-of-fandoms | edit: it finally me tag you, and I cackled at your reblog hashtag LMAOO) and I would love to tag more people who stuck by me when I was active before, but I can’t find them/tag them! This longest headcanon yet is dedicated to you all and everyone else reading this... mess~

[Tough front f!reader]

Imayoshi Shoichi

you guys probably first met as classmates

sure, there could be a possible scenario where you guys met through basketball, but even so, Imayoshi isn’t the type to take note of people unless they’re in teams Touou has faced before/has a huge reputation… so the chance of him actually wanting to get to know you beyond your face and name is near zero

but on the other hand, as classmates… 1.) he’s pretty much forced to see you around every day and familiarize himself with your presence and habits regardless of what he does 2.) sharing the same class means that you both are smart smart (and someone who shares the same intellectual capacity as him is a MUST to get close to him)

good rule of thumb: the more classes you share with him (throughout the years, because the Japanese school system is quite the opposite of the American system), the faster you become closer together, because that naturally translates to more opportunities for Imayoshi to annoy you more

but half of the friendship development also requires your personality/reactions/things of that nature that might hold his intrigue for a long time

he’s met his fair share of people who have similar wit and irritability as himself, so if he met another Imayoshi-like individual… sure, it’s fun and entertaining as hell, but somewhat predictable in its own right since they’re, well… himself—and he’d like to think he knows himself very well (like Aomine being able to predict Kise even when he copied his basketball style of playing, for example)

imagine if there was a person out there who’s so stone-faced, so blank and unflinching at nearly everything, yet cold and spartan

spoiler alert: it’s you

and wow, holy shit—whenever you’re in the room, the temperature just drops several degrees celsius

everyone’s at least wary of you, and you didn’t even do anything wrong—your presence just elicits that impression out of everyone

Imayoshi couldn’t help but blow a slow whistle the first time he witnessed this with his own eyes

who would’ve thought he found a Kuroko and an Akashi (...before he lost at the Winter Cup) in one individual… let alone a girl (not that he cares about gender, but he’s amused that you’re an oddity in the average Japanese societal norm of a woman)

he had to do some probing, he can’t help it: the opportunity was too good to pass up

“Yo!” he calls out, approaching your desk on the first day of class. “Looks like we’re seated next to each other for the year. It’s nice to meet you, (l/n)-san.” (his polite Kansai accent never fails to stick out in the room)

you merely look at him before you went back to reading whatever book you had in your hand; he looks closer to note that you’re already getting started on the assigned book for the upcoming lessons

so what if he didn’t get a welcoming reply back? that’s fine with him; not everyone’s friendly on the first encounter

either way, he makes himself too comfortable on his seat, stretching out his limbs before he pulled out his usual pen to twirl around out of boredom

and that’s what happened every time he entered class, always making an over-friendly remark or two before you looked at him in silence momentarily

pretty soon, you’ve stopped giving him attention completely, blatantly ignoring him when he calls out for you early in the morning

a slow grin snaked its way onto his face the first time this happened

“How cruel, (l/n)-san! You hurt my feelings every time you don’t reply to me, you know? Really now, to think my efforts for friendship get constantly snuffed mercilessly. You’re really gonna make me cry.”

“Then cry.”

(cue everyone near you two slightly scooching their desks away in fear for their safety)

Imayoshi dropped his grin in hearing you reply for the first time

“No one’s stopping you,” you continued, yet your eyes were still on your own table, minding your own business, as if Imayoshi wasn’t worth your attention to begin with

“Yikes, you’re actually really evil,” he dryly remarked

“Cry about it.”

(YOU’RE JUST KILLING HIM WITH THE STRAIGHTEST FACE, HOW IS THIS HAPPENING…)

the worst thing was, Imayoshi couldn’t get a read from you one bit; normally he can “read minds” based on analyzing any body reaction or facial expression changes… but you exhibit nothing to base anything off of

Imayoshi has truly met an equal opponent for his wit, because you confirmed his assumption that you had much to say about things even if you never chose to indulge in social interactions, and it’s not like you’re bad at conversations—you just choose not to participate

pretty soon, he goes from giving daily “morning greetings” to pestering you at EVERY given moment throughout the day in the classroom

the teacher’s busy setting up a new lesson? you’re gonna hear some comment. it’s break time? you’re enduring comments for at least 10 minutes. you’re assigned to work with your “desk partner” for a class activity? you do your share of the work before giving the paper to him wordlessly… all while hearing his comments

“Honestly, with how much you run your mouth, I’m very much surprised your lips haven’t grown wings and flapped off of your face yet.”

you’re… a little impressed with his tenacity, thinking that he’d give up talking to you after realizing how fruitless his efforts would be… and mind you, Imayoshi was talking to a wall for nearly a damn month now, almost a month and a half

he’s a bit too patient for the wrong things, you think

“I’m flattered,” he easily shoots back with that infuriating grin. “But they say my charm lies in my linguistic abilities. I’m afraid I can’t afford to lose them just yet.”

“That is creepy,” you blankly deadpan at his smirk, before you return your gaze to the board… but you can easily feel his intense scrutiny in your peripheral vision

a day never goes by without multiple interactions like the ones described above happen

it slowly went from you ignoring him to you giving one-word responses like: “Great.” // “How nice.” // “Right.” // “That’s cool.”

you’re somewhat similar to him, he notices; you’re always polite with everyone, yet there’s always a clipped, frosty edge to your words that unsettles them

like how his politeness drips with a bit of jabs and arrogance that never truly puts anyone at ease

when Touou lost the first round at the Winter Cup, he was surprised to see you approach him the day after, and the first thing that comes out of your mouth was:

“Congratulations, Imayoshi-kun,” you said. “That loss was a spectacular show to witness.”

“You wound me,” he languidly sighs with his hands up in the air. “Must you rub salt in the fresh wound? Dear me, if I didn’t know better, I’d say you were checking on my well-being.”

you finally give a slow blink to indicate some type of… reaction, though that’s not much at all

“Yes,” was all you said. “You are correct. Take this.”

… wow

the nerve

he’s… speechless

how the hell did you know of his drawing habits, and how the hell did you imitate it exactly?

and since when did you ever pay attention to basketball??

he’s processing a lot of things right now, but he first notices the “Congratulations on losing” and “101-100,” which was the final score of yesterday’s game

… you were watching them play?

“... My, my…” he coos. “I have many questions. Let’s start with the one about how much you’ve been actually staring at me in order to figure out that I drew in class, let alone how I draw.”

he looks up to anticipate an answer, but all you simply do is stare at him more intensely before you tilt your head slightly… as if you had no idea what he was talking about

his grin only grows wider, taking your silence as a challenge, and he puts your sketch on the table and gets up to step closer towards you and lean his body forward, hands in his pockets

of course, your expression never changes, simply moving your head back from the tilted position

“... It helps to open your eyes more, Imayoshi-kun. Maybe you’ll notice things you haven’t been privy to before. Your pen scribbles are irritating to hear on the regular, so my poor eyes witnessing such grotesque imagery was an unfortunate inevitability.”

“Ah-ha!~” he chimes, cracking his eyes open for the first time to you. “Is that so?”

you widen your own eyes slightly in response to making eye contact with his gaze for the first time, and damn Imayoshi for noticing it, because he immediately pulled away in extreme satisfaction and sat at his desk

and yet another day of school started soon after, but this time, Imayoshi was giving off the smuggest aura

. . .

after Touou gets eliminated from the Winter Cup, Imayoshi takes this free time as an opportunity to study for college entrance exams… while also bothering you on the pretense of “study buddies” since you two were in the same grade

though you were still as cold and collected as ever, you were WAYY more talkative with him at this point, though most of the dialogues exchanged were nothing more than him trying to ruffle your feathers up and you deflecting his attempts

and the entire 3rd year was just you two “bantering” (if you can even call it that), but no one would ever see either of you without the other

still, neither of you could deny that both of you guys are really efficient in terms of working together to get things done, where both of you turn serious and start analyzing the objective at hand

these times are when you guys have the more genuine conversations on more personal topics and such:

“I didn’t take you as someone who has a sister.”

“How mean! She’s raised very well as a respectable lady, y’know?”

“We seem to have two different definitions of ‘respectable,’ because have you looked at yourself in the mirror? Another female you sounds like an incoming migraine.”

“I can reassure you that she’s the considerate type of girl.”

“If you insist.”

or maybe another convo like:

“(l/n)-san, do you always have your face stuck in cement?”

“... Pardon?”

“You remind me of a few people who always have their faces as blank as a sheet—it’s kind of terrifying.”

“Always been like this. It’s more convenient this way to scare away nuisances, don’t you think Evil Glasses-san?”

“Clearly it’s not working.” (dryly replied, as always)

everyone’s terrified of you two and would clear the way every time they saw you guys walking by, let’s make that clear

both of you are clearly very polite and proper, always taking rules and responsibilities into consideration… but what the fuck, y’all are way too menacing—seriously, Sakurai wants to RUN to the opposite direction whenever you’re in his field of vision

you’ve been down lately though—and increasingly more somber as spring was coming closer that year—though, it’s more of the air you give off that would indicate this, rather than your facial expressions

in truth, you knew that your time with Imayoshi would most likely end once you two graduated, because he only interacted with you out of curiosity and convenience

but even though you guys were done with taking the exam, Imayoshi still comes to annoy you and hang out with you, so you were secretly relieved that you guys were still “close” in that sense

you become acquainted with Susa, the one who was unfortunate enough to be Imayoshi’s good friend and study partner before you came along; both of you share a mutual understanding and common ground of dealing with Imayoshi’s shit 24/7

. . .

alas, it’s a couple days before the 3rd years graduated, but you aren’t overjoyed at the fact that you are going to move onto a new chapter of your life

quite the contrary, you didn’t like what you were going to leave behind after your last day of being at Touou (yeah, it’s Imayoshi, but you didn’t want to admit it to avoid making this inevitability all the more tangible)

you were alone for once in one of the courtyards, having those moments of quiet contemplation, but for the first time in a long time, you felt tears streaming down your face, you heart feeling a painful squeeze at coming to terms about your inner emotions

your head raises up at the sound of leaves crunching, and lo and behold, it’s almost as if your thoughts summoned him to you

unlike his usual infuriating grin, his face was one of seriousness as he gauges your face… you’re crying

and you’re just staring at him silently even with the tears streaming

he’s a bit unnerved, but he’s a practical one, his mind racing thousands of miles an hour to crack down what you currently need and what the cause of your tears was

he’s an asshole, but he’s not heartless, and lately, he’d been feeling a soft spot for you

“... Do you want solace, silence, or solutions?”

you wordlessly walk to him before tightly hugging him

his eyes are cracked open, trying to figure out what the hell is going on

“... shut up and just hug me.”

he chuckles a bit before gingerly reciprocating, musing, “To think you would want all of the above—didn’t take you as a greedy person, (l/n)-san.”

you both share a comforting silence before you separate yourself from him… you didn’t dare raise your gaze to look at his face, knowing fully well that he was gonna hold this over your head for a long time

“... You never stop running your mouth, do you?”

“But you like me all the same, yes?”

you say nothing, but you stared up at him, your eyes slightly wide and mouth parted from what he was presuming as your way of being shocked… but what’s this?

he can’t tell if there’s a smidge of a flush on your skin or if his eyes are finally playing a trick on him

with the last of your tears still on your lashes, he might dare to call you beautiful

“I told you that my linguistic abilities are crucial to my charm.”

and you immediately went back to your default expression of indifference at his antics

“… You’re annoying.”

“You really can’t afford to be nice for a moment…!” he exclaims in mock-hurt. “But we both know that’s not what you’re really thinking.”

you finally give a sign of defeat—a long resigned sigh—before you opted to walk past him

that is, until Imayoshi stops you by putting his two hands on your shoulders and pulling you back a bit towards him

“Whoa there! You’re really going to leave me up in the air like that? Aren’t you curious enough to stay and let me finish?” you didn’t even have to turn around to know that he had a scheme in his mind

“Letting you finish has never been a good idea,” you dryly reply, and Imayoshi can’t help but genuinely laugh at you inheriting some of his own mannerisms at this point

he brings you even closer, his hands going from on your shoulders to slowly snaking them around your clavicles as he settles his head atop your left shoulder

“Even if I told you that I, too, find you too amusing to let go?”

“Who said I found you amusing as well?” you finally turn your head to his face

“Ah, but you didn’t deny that you didn’t want to let me go either,” he smirks, but it turns slightly more affectionate as he leans closer. “Say, I have a proposal that would be a solution to your current ‘predicament.’ Say that we both graduate, yes? There will be new challenges to tackle as an adult, no doubt. I can graciously offer you my indisposable intelligence for years to come in exchange…” his thumb brushes over your lips, his own lips curling up more when he feels how you got warmer from his touch “... for this?... How about it, (y/n)?”

Haizaki Shōgo

were you guys childhood friends? were you friends during middle school when he used to hang out with some of the Teiko kids? did you somehow worm your way to have connections with people he knew in some shape or form? friends with one of the starters in the Fukuda Sōgō team before you met Haizaki? classmates or ex-classmates/partners through coincidental circumstances led you to hang around even outside of school? did he once hit on you but you vehemently rejected his offer for a one-night stand?

the mystery of the beginnings of this strange friendship was always a subject of gossip and speculation (rightfully so)

but most likely, he probably tried to hit on you like any other girl, but you were the first to not only openly defy him and cuss him out, but also fend off his physical violence successfully through self-defense techniques by yourself

that HELLA surprised him… and also pissed him off

but he left you alone… until he came back to annoy you again a few days later after his pride recovered enough to face you again

“feisty” was what he often likes to call you nowadays

yes, this combative nature of yours always got you into less-than-ideal situations, even if you always meant well, and that aspect of yours always drew him back to you, even if you both hated each other’s guts

it was after the Winter Cup, when Fukuda Sōgō was eliminated, that you two interacted considerably more

“I hope that game taught you a valuable lesson or two, Haizaki.”

“Shut the fuck up, yeah?”

“Or what? Not like you can do anything to me anyways, you fucking clown—”

he immediately goes to throw a fast punch right for your neck, but you immediately dodged it, grabbed his forearm to twist it behind him

“Jesus Christ, you really do never fucking learn.”

he easily shakes off your grip and pulls away with a crazed look that never revealed what he was truly thinking

“I’m a pretty simple guy, yeah?” he sneers. “Just can’t help myself. Whatever, I got places to be at.”

and he never fails to finish his sentence with a lick to his thumb before strolling away

a simple guy, huh, you thought. yeah right

you picked up the fact that he licks his thumb when something is going his way, but recently he’s been licking his thumb before ending his interactions with you… which makes you suspicious as hell

nah, you’re overthinking it

it really does suck that you go to the same school as him, and as such, you are bound to meet each other outside of school too

these encounters always happen when you want to kill time in the local arcades or eat at the nearest fast food restaurants

“Ohhhhh, if it isn’t (y/n)...”

“Goddamn it, why does this always happen to me?” you openly facepalmed yourself before you sourly turn to the source of the voice. “Whatever you want with me, make it quick. I’m tired of seeing your ass around.”

“A quick fuck sounds up my alley righ’ now,” he says quitely loudly to attract surrounding passerbys’ attention in an attempt to humiliate you

he didn’t want to fuck you, not at all, you knew, but those were simply fighting words to piss you off

your face scrunches up in disgust at his words, before a slow smirk spread across your face… which Haizaki doesn’t fail to notice

“A qUiCk FuCk SoUnDs Up My aLLeY rIgHt NoW,” you mimic equally loudly, and you make it a point to pull your arms into chicken wings and walk in a circle around him to mock him

at this point this was when you ran while laughing your ass off… whether he tried chasing you down in contempt or not, you didn’t know, but you knew he was going to get his revenge

another day, you’re sitting at a table outside to eat your lunch when Haizaki casually strolls from behind to snatch a kebab stick out of your bento, which you weren’t quick enough to stop the basketball player

“Haizaki, what the fuck?”

“Oh? Was this yours? Oops… my hand must have slipped,” he drawls… again while licking his thumb

“Damn, I should’ve put snot on them or something before you stopped by. Maybe it’ll teach you to not take people’s food.”

“Hehh?” he gives a mirthless chuckle before he spits loudly on the half-eaten kebab on his hand. “Like this, eh?”

“I—” you gape at him incredulously. “That is the most unattractive thing I’ve ever laid my eyes on in my entire damn life—” you slam your own head on the table. “... Take the rest of my food. You damn ruined my appetite for the rest of this week.”

“Hell no, wench.”

“I insist,” you look up to hiss at him, throwing the closed bento box to him. “Keep the box too, sicko. You can spit your shit in there alllll you want.”

“Ya make me sound like I’m some bug,” he says. “Don’tcha know that the girl I had last night kept screaming to keep my tongue in her—”

“GO AWAY, OH MY GOD—SHOO.”

you immediately dash away with your hands to your ears, singing loudly “lalalalala~” to yourself to drown out any profanities and filth that came straight from Haizaki himself… without any regard to the students giving you annoyed or concerned looks

for some reason though, Haizaki can’t bring himself to throw away the bento box you unceremoniously threw at him…

… you weren’t that half-bad of a cook (he’d rather burn at a stake than admit that ever)

. . .

another evening, you decided to unwind at an arcade hall, making yourself comfortable at a shooting game machine booth

you got yourself a decent score for the first run, and you make a noise of happy triumph before a rude scoff interrupted your fun time

“You fucking suck.”

you immediately knew who it was

“I do not, you manwhore,” you whip your head to Haizaki, disliking his narrowed gaze of annoyance and disapproval of your playstyle. “There are 3 other booths next to me. Go put a token and play by yourself.”

to make your point, you slot in one of your own tokens to start a 2nd round and readjusted your grip on the gun to point at the screen

“Gimme that,” he jeers, pushing you to the side while snatching the booth-attached rifle off your hands

“H-Hey!!”

you harshly slapped his arm in a feeble attempt to make him listen to you, but to your surprise, he completely lets your violence slide and looks at you what that piercing gaze

“Since you’re so shit at this game, lemme give you a few pointers so ya don’t look like a royal dumbass next time.”

“Maybe you should give it back to me because maybe I want to look like a royal dumbass. That’d be a win in your books anyways—”

you’re interrupted by the booth’s loud intro music to indicate that the game was starting, so you have no choice but to observe Haizaki and his gameplay

and the entire time, he’d make a condescending comment every time he progressed further into the game map

… and you hate to admit it, but he was way better in technique of the gun and precision in aiming (your scowl only grows harsher the more points he racked up in the round)

his final score tripled of your own

“So whaddya think, hmm?” he muses lowly while grabbing your chin to look at him, to which you bat away his hand immediately

“I think you oughta give me back the damn gun, that’s what.”

“Hah? Now why don’t ya use one of the three machines next to me instead, like a good girl.”

“Eurgh, ew, ew, ew—ugh! You’re so—that was my spot—!”

you growl under your breath before you roughly snatch your small bucket of tokens and stalk your way to the machine booth next to his, angrily shoving a token down the slot before you hoisted the gun

(cue you out-scoring him in your fury)

(cue him beating your score again)

(cue you beating his score again)

and for the rest of the evening and night, you both kept at the shooting game, both of your prides refusing to concede defeat, all the while Haizaki taunting and goading you

that night you stormed out of the arcade hall when it was time for the establishment to close, with Haizaki’s gleeful cackling echoing down the streets to further mock you of the multiple L’s you took earlier

. . .

you’re sitting in a cheap eatery, lucky enough to grab a table by the window, and you grab your first burger, ready to chow down

that is, until Haizaki slid in the seat in front of you, and you literally snarled at him to go away

“Ya make me sound like I’m such bad company,” he slyly smirks, immediately snatching your other burger on the tray as if it was his to begin with

you don’t even give him the satisfaction of replying because all you do is aggressively bite into the burger while glaring at him, not even bothering to try to get the burger back anymore

so here you two were, eating your burgers in tense silence, before Haizaki finishes his first and leaves without a word… until he comes back with his own order to sit at the same spot in front of you

you merely raise a brow before you take the opportunity to steal his burger from his tray and feast on it

he merely clicks his tongue and glares at you but opts to not say anything

odd…

. . .

the more you “hang” around Haizaki, the more likely you’d accidentally encounter him while he’s having a tryst with another girl… and even more unfortunately for you, you accidentally encountered him while they were both heavily petting each other… when you just wanted to take a shortcut to your home from school

“Oh my fucking god?? Can y’all at least NOT DO THIS IN THE ALLEYWAY? There’s hotels for a reason!” and then you ran out so fast

. . .

these types of encounters and shenanigans would go on for almost 2 years; I would think that Haizaki would need some time to somewhat “mellow” out or at least tolerate your presence to be considered a constant in his life, so much so that he wouldn’t utilize physical violence as much as he did before

having you in his life, whether he liked to admit it or not, taught him to not have as fragile of an ego and pride, and he slowly learned to have some level of patience with you

otherwise you two would be going for each other’s necks beyond just aggressive words and gestures

and wow, you don’t even realize you had this stupid guy in your life for two whole years

you even have each other’s phone numbers

you’ve done a lot of reflecting, especially if being around Haizaki for so long somehow made you a worse person, but when you asked every person who knew you, they simply told you that you were always the same to them (in a pretty confused way, because what a strange question)

speak of the devil, Haizaki’s contact pops up on your screen as an incoming call; you sigh before answering it, knowing fully well that he would spam even more calls just to spite you if you didn’t answer

“What.”

you cringe when you hear a woman’s voice on his end of the line, but that feeling disappears once Haizaki starts talking

“Whaddya know? I’m starving after that session. Usual place, yeah?”

“Huh? What if I was busy, dumbass—”

“I know you ain’t.” and he ends the call as quickly as he started it

irk marks only multiply on your head when you stare at his contact screen before you started heading to your “usual spot”

“Tch, that bitch was hella annoying. Chick yapped her mouth as much as ya do when she shoulda been kissin’ and doin’ what we planned to do.”

“Gee, thanks,” you mumble, rolling your eyes and holding your temples with your fingers.

it became this weird thing for him to talk to you about his escapades and complaints about the women he’s recently been with; it started a year ago when he first did it to mortify you, but now it’s become something of habit… as terrible as it sounds

at… least he trusts you with this type of info? though you mentally chided yourself for having such low standards like this

on rare occasions, when you do share your own complaints/rants of your life to him, he somewhat listens, though he’s yawning half the time or eating something while you’re talking

on even rarer occasions, he talks about basketball

still, it’s somewhat cathartic in a way to have this routine between the two of you

hearing about him talk about women after women doesn’t feel good though; you wonder when you began to feel this way

you certainly didn’t feel like this a year ago

“Fucking damnit,” you mumble to yourself into your pillow

were you… possibly… no… in love with—

“Arfgghyrgfhurfhhhh!!!!” you screech into your pillow at the horrible thought that crept into your mind

. . .

you’ve been reevaluating your life and having an existential crisis at the horrifying realization of your poor choices that led up to this unwanted predicament in your love life

you didn’t come up with any solutions, let alone accepted the fact that you fell for this problematic man… who you may have thought about a lot more frequently than you would like to

no, you do not like Haizaki Shōgo.

… was what you kept telling yourself for the next 3 months of enduring him talking about his usual topics of video games and women without snapping and strangling him right there and then

you finally had enough when Haizaki called you once again, demanding that you two meet up at a fast food driveway for a bite, but soon after, you heard a different woman with an urgent voice: “Hurry up, can’t we go for another round before you go?”

you were just trying to have a peaceful moment in the park alone in the evening, too… looks like that’s ruined

you bit your bottom lip before you abruptly ended the call without giving an answer and threw your phone away on the grass, before you curled yourself up into a ball and let your tears fall unrestrained

why did you do this to yourself? this was what you deserved for liking someone like him.

who knows how long you’ve bawled your eyes out in the dark against a basketball hoop pole, but after being in the frigid air for so long that your fingers feel numb, it must’ve been hours

“You look so damn pitiful there, I almost mistaken’d ya for a lost dog.”

you still had your legs pulled up to your chest, your head tucked in to hide your tears

you pulled your arms tighter against yourself when you heard his unmistakable voice, and he was the last person you wanted to see right now

you immediately pulled your head up when you heard him strutting towards you though

it’s cold—you could see the wisps of air coming from his lips, and he was breathing really hard… which is weird considering he’s extremely athletic, and physical activity was a breeze for him

and he has the harshest look on his face for a while, his eyes narrowing further at the sight of your face

you immediately stand up from your sitting position

“Urgh, go the fuck away! Take a hint already, would ya?!”

he stands there in shock, the same type of shock he felt when he lost to Kise years ago… only worse

you’re in hysterics, crying and yelling at him, and he feels really troubled for some reason—like he feels a slight stir in his heart that he can’t put his finger on, and that makes him more pissed

“What the fuck is wrong with you? I swear, you women are too complicated—!”

“Everything is fucking wrong with me!” you scream at him, and fresh tears escape down your face. “Why do you even stick around me—just, stop—stop giving me hope that…urgh—shut the fuck up and just… (whispers) hug me—never mind…”

you didn’t even finish the sentence, your voice trailing off, and you look at him to see that he’s just… standing there

he doesn’t even say anything, he doesn’t even move

because he knew… anything he would say or do would upset you more, and for the first time, he realizes that his entire time with you all these years was spent pissing you off to no end instead of building any real bond with you

here he was, running around for hours to find you after that abrupt call (in all the restaurants, the arcades, hell—even all of the buildings and areas on campus, and even damn worse—all of the local neighborhood), ditching the woman instantly to look for you and yell at you for leaving him hanging, but the deepest part of him was worried—terrified—that something might have happened to you

women like gentle touches… right? maybe if he tried to hold you, restrain himself from any rough handling, you’d be pacified right? and go back to the same dumb, infuriating person you always were, right?

and what the hell were you muttering about a hug? where was the “you” he knew?

at this point, you’re just watching him, too scared to actually leave and turn your back on him… you still didn’t want to ruin whatever… “friendship” you guys had after building it for so long

the frigid air dried up your tears long before Haizaki decided to take a few sauntering steps towards you… and then a few careful steps before he’s in front of you—the you who’s still staring at him with furrowed brows

he tentatively reaches out an arm to touch your side, and when you don’t flinch (only raise a brow at his action), he fully grabs one side of your waist

“... I don’t know what the hell’s going on with you, but you made me fucking starve and miss dinner.”

your curious gaze turns into one of anger, and you swatted his arm off of you

“Oh piss off then, yeah? Get your damn burger yourself and get your filthy hand off of me when you literally just fucked someone hours earlier.”

“Ohhhh,” Haizaki is immediately relieved, the tension leaving his body when he knows he’s re-entered familiar territory. He leans towards you, head cocked to one side with a bit of a crazed, gleeful look. “Jealous, aren’t ya?”

you give a gasp of indignation and mortification before you reel your arm back to punch him; he deftly dodges you before he hugs your waist from behind, his lips to your ear

“Well if that’s the case… I can also give ya a good time.” and he licks your ear for good measure—

“Y-You… you!!” you’ve now gone on an endless barrage of kicks and punches, and Haizaki, knowing you for quite a while now, knows nearly every practical move you’ve thrown at him

and it goes on for nearly an hour, but Haizaki doesn’t care when you’re back to your normal self again

from then on, instead of going to different women for casual flings, he’s found new entertainment in flustering you and trying to push your buttons in terms of sexual innuendos and gestures

“Haizaki, that’s fucking harrassment—What the hell are you doing?!”

“Hehh? You’re more than free to punch me right now, go on… I can be a patient guy sometimes… unless you actually… like this?”

“Urgh, stop putting words in my mouth—!”

karma will actually kick him in the ass when he takes the next few weeks to figure out his real feelings about you

Hanamiya Makoto

who even knows how you two came together and saw eye-to-eye, but it’s quite a contrasting image to see Hanamiya sauntering down the hallway with you by his side looking quite unbothered and natural… as if you were always meant to be by his side

but the first time you two met… oh boy

the principal finally had enough: all these written complaints from these basketball teams from other schools, asking to shut down the Kirisaki Daiichi basketball team due to foul play allegations… it was time to get to the bottom of this issue, a thorn on the school’s side in terms of reputation

no matter how many times Hanamiya was given a warning, nothing changed

and no one wanted to be coach of the infamous team, all knowing the unsaid horrors if anyone tries to to tame and reel in the starters

the solution? a student disciplinary committee. usually the student council holds the responsibility of reporting and administering proper discipline within school code, but the new proposal suggests that there be a separate student body with leadership separate from the student council to focus on cracking down anything harmful to the “learning environment” (a.k.a. the basketball team)

enter you; you were nominated by many faculty members and students alike, agreeing that you should be the one to spearhead this discipline campaign… always kind, gentle, and sweet—you always seemed to know how to resolve conflicts efficiently and safely

and you accepted the role with a smile and modest thanks

your “priority job” (as strongly urged by the principal) was to deal with the basketball team, especially since rumors of what happened in the Seirin match began circulating around campus

it was one day after practice—when the team was done practicing rough play drills and enacting various scenarios to carry them out—and the starters were strolling out the gym

Hanamiya was the last to exit the doorway but once he slammed the doors unceremoniously and turned around, you magically appeared in front of him with a welcoming smile… and it looked like the other starter players walked ahead enough to not notice you

“Hey there! Super sorry to bother you! I know you guys just finished practice right now, but I would like to introduce myself as the president of the new student disciplinary committee^^” you write something on a clipboard you brought with you before looking at him again

“Ohhhh,” he widens his eyes in mock sincerity, putting a hand to his chin. “So that’s what the fuss in the office was about. My apologies for only realizing now.” There was a coo to his voice that if anyone else heard it, they would’ve known to book it right there and then… so why were you not affected at all?

are you fucking stupid?

“Great! Just wanted to let you know I’ll have to do mandatory check-ins with you every couple days or whenever conflicts arise. Sorry for taking your time, and have a good evening!”

you couldn’t be this oblivious. there was no way. everyone knew who he was and the reputation he brought wherever he went

he gritted his teeth at the fact that you weren’t cowering in his presence, and when you spun around to leave, he deftly grabbed your forearm to pull you back to the closed gym doors behind you

and he made sure that your back felt the doors as he cornered you closer like an agitated predator

“Listen here,” he lowly sneers, all traces of his nice facade gone, replaced by a dangerous glint in his usual gleeful expression. “I’ll let you in on something, president. I run how my team works. You can crawl back to your precious principal and kindly tell him to fuck off and mind his own business. You can also tell him that we don’t need a nosy bitch snooping around like she owns the place. The goody-president can see that this is all in the interest of the student… which is what you student council parasites always preach about…” he leans in closer, caging your body with two arms by the side of your head, and he’s a breath away from your own face. “... Right, (y/n)?”

“O-Oh…” you started, and Hanamiya’s wicked grin grows wider at your predictable reaction

now that’s more like it.

now that he REALLY gets a good, close look at you, you’re not half-bad; there’s just something about that innocence–the naivete–that really turns his gears and has him entertained (this man really has a “stupid girl” as his canon type of girl, I CAN’T—)

“... to think that I have to repeat myself.”

what?

you abruptly move your face even closer to his, your noses touching… your own closed-eye smile taking on a more sinister quality for the first time

“For someone with the supposed 160 IQ, you’re as daft as the dirt I step on, captain. I can easily shut this entire gym if it’s in the interest of the student body. Should I ban you guys from entering? Should I report your behavior to dispel the team completely? Your team’s fate is in my hands. You don’t run this show, dear. I’ll say it one more time: I’ll be checking in 2 days. Keep up the ‘good boy’ act until then, hm?” ( ◠‿◠ )

you take your clipboard to smack one of his arms out of the way to clear a way out for yourself before you hum to yourself and walk onwards

cue Hanamiya cussing and kicking the gym doors

now for the next few weeks Hanamiya has been noticing how TWO-FACED YOU WERE WITH EVERYONE ELSE… he’s so irritated, he’s SO ANNOYED that he’s been biting the inside of his cheek and gritting his teeth constantly while thinking about you

look at you smiling at everyone so kindly when you’re the most awful, sadistic person inside… yeah, he embodies all of that, but only he alone can have this pleasure of terrorizing everyone

they don’t even know your real side, look at you socializing with everyone like you own the hallways—

every comment he makes to you has been reciprocated with a “good-natured” response that makes it obvious that you weren’t scared of him one bit

you’re like… the female version of the rotten, evil Imayoshi

god he fucking hates it here

definitely has made plenty comments about the fact that you’re not his type—that you’re one of those types of girls that irritate him to no end… even still, he doesn’t know why he tolerated you

recently, when he makes those customary remarks though, you widen your eyes a bit or avert your gaze before you shoot back your retorts, though he knows those are things you do to feign reactions to mock him (little did he know that those were not feigned)

you’ve been successfully putting a leash on the team starters, but to be fair, the other starters don’t care because there’s finally someone who can put Hanamiya in his place and it’s the FUNNIEST thing in the world

in other words, you’re good in their books; dare I say, they consider you as a friend // Hara’s been known to give you spare chewing gum every so often recently

you’ve went from checking in on their practices every couple days to tailing behind Hanamiya every chance you get (because you realized the team can just fool you and pretend they’re playing honestly when you do check-ins)... and then it eventually developed into you two always walking side by side (but not because you two enjoy each other’s company, though! don’t get the wrong idea now)

he expected you to tell him to completely change how the team played like any other person has done, but surprisingly, you haven’t really said it out loud… sure, he noticed that you frown a bit when they practice foul play on the courts, but you never made a serious attempt to stop it

“I get what your strategy is…” you give him that knowing look and genial smile one day, and INSTANTLY Hanamiya’s day is ruined once again; he only scowls and walks on, knowing that responding would fuel your sadism further… that was how he dealt with Imayoshi in middle school, after all

you lay out the strategies, describing the rough play as a prerequisite to the “spider’s web” setup, and you finally note that these starters aren’t playing their true positions, but just arranging themselves to create that formation to begin with

“Congratulations,” he praises with that mocking saccharine voice. “Want a cookie for your hard work, Ms. President?”

“Oho–I actually do~ You know, we should try out that pastry shop near the block—”

“Fucking dream on, dumbass.”

he reallllyyyyy hates the fact that no one’s as scared of him walking by them anymore, mostly because you’re there with him… and for some reason, their minds have the audacity to think that you’re taming him in some way or that you’d protect them if he tried anything

give him a year to really get used to your presence, trust me

but recently, your attitude with him has gotten more reactive with him… snappier; you haven’t lost your edge, but you’re not completely mentally there with him 100% sometimes and you sometimes drop the Imayoshi-smile with him completely + show an actual reaction to his words and actions

so now he has a new reason to be pissed—because someone’s making a fool of him enough to somewhat ignore his existence and go daydreaming on him as if he was completely harmless to you… but he’s also smug that he’s visibly riling you up

but one day, you weren’t tailing behind him—in fact, he hadn’t seen you around at ALL

he’s not gonna go look for you, what kinda idiot would damn do that

but it feels… so wrong without you near… not like he’d ever admit that

he didn’t see you for a week straight

he’s sauntering down the hallways so casually but his eyes scan for your figure without him even realizing

he looks out of the window from a high floor, and (finally) there you are, sitting on a bench outside alone, and he feels that familiar twitch curving up his lips at the anticipation of getting under your nerves again

so he walks downstairs, goes outside to look for you, but before he can open his mouth to announce himself to you, he sees you wiping your face with your sleeve with a sniffle

you were crying

he’s shocked out of his damn wits, if we’re gonna be honest, but he quickly recovers before he starts processing this entire situation

he’s now pissed, because:

1.) who’s capable of making you cry to begin with?

2.) how dare someone make his (y/n) cry

3.) NO ONE is allowed to make you cry except him and him only

4.) he doesn’t like how shaken he feels when he sees you so different from how you normally are, and he can’t have that shit—he needs to be in control of everything… but now, he has no idea what to do… this type of scenario never crossed his mind and now he feels like a lost little boy

“Oy.” it’s a rough line, hardly comforting at all—scary even, but if anyone knew Hanamiya well, those deep furrowed brows with a harsh scowl meant that he was bothered by what he was seeing

“Urgh,” you sniffed. “... I’m… (sniff) not in the mood for your shit right now…just, go away—can it, (sniff) will you?”

“And miss seeing this ugly ass mug of yours? Hah, I’ll make myself comfortable rigggghht here. They say the misfortunes of others taste like honey, and yours is a bit too delectable to pass up.”

he’s standing right in front of your seated figure, but before he moves to take a seat next to you and plop down, you wail out:

“... Shut the hell up and just hug me already, damn it…”

he stiffens momentarily, but his body is going on autopilot, as if it was following your command, and before he knows it, your face is pressed against his midriff, your arms wrapped around his torso… and he’s aghast to see HIS one arm against the back of your neck and the other (that’s also attached to him!) on your back

and to save face, he puts the fakest “loving” tone into his voice, as if mocking you that you’re touching him like this and he’s just playing along:

“Look at our president, hugging the Bad Boy like I’m the most precious thing in your life. Hah! Is this in the best interest of the student body, too?”

you tighten the hug around him before mumbling, “... No… it’s in my best interest.”

“... get off of me—your snot is disgusting.” (to which you gripped his torso even harder to spite him in response)

he’s using this hug as blackmail (he FINALLY has dirt on you to use against you)

. . .

imagine the school uproar of everyone when they found out you two are an official thing later on

the principal is gonna faint and die from a heart attack at the news

“You know,” you muse, “you should actually stop beating basketball players up and just keep the ‘spider’s web’ part of the strategy. The latter actually has some intellectual merit behind it.”

“And why should I, my dear (y/n)?” Hanamiya goads, looking up from a magazine to glance at you but holds his scrutiny of you when you lean your lips to his ear

“I’m sure a genius like you can find a way to piss players off while still playing by the rules. Don’t you think that’s the most infuriating thing of all? The way you’ve glared at me in the hallways for the past year tells me that you agree with my sentiment. I’ve always noticed.”

he merely scoffs at your face, “Roughing ‘em up gives me the most satisfying reactions. Playing by these damn rules makes me no different than those starry-eyed try-hards.”

“So that 160-plus IQ thing was all just you blowing smoke on some admission papers to make you feel better about yourself? You poor, poor thing… Maybe that intellect could do better with a team that can actually utilize it…? Perhaps Seirin—”

Hanamiya snarls at you and moves to grab your arm closer to him, but you swiftly dodged his grasp like it was the easiest thing in the world

“Nu~uh,” you chided, walking away from him. “Grabbing another student is Code 0129 violation of an attempt of physical assault on campus! We can’t have your team disbanded now, right?” ( ◠‿◠ )

he’s gonna make you eat your own words later though, trust me… after all, he’s still holding the blackmail (that you cried over liking him a while back while begging him for a hug) over you

you’re the one winning though, you completed your objective in convincing the Kirisaki Daiichi team in playing more fairly… and it all took a bit of conniving maneuvers on your end

[1-800-i-ship-it]

Do you think there's something between Khun and Baam?

I definitely see some chemistry and possible sexual tension 🤔 I definitely think there's more to their relationship.

I've read loads of comments recently about how their relationship is toxic. That Khun isn't there for him emotionally and doesn't really care about him. I don't think that at all.

I also find it weird that they focus so much on Khun and his feelings/actions towards Baam when Baam acts similarly to him! He even hugged him after reuniting at some point I'm sure!

hi anon!

okay absolutely YES yes the gay subtext? the homoerotic subtext??? it is there and i think khunbam is so real haha

FKAJDLF YES U GET IT THE CHEMISTRY AND TENSION- YEAH YEAH ASDHFKJWELF (fun fact my queue tag is a quote from khun to bam "so at least tell us when you go somewhere so i can chase anytime" aight yall if that aint gay idk what is)

oof :( i unfortunately cant speak much about recent chapters bc im actually not caught up yet rip i think im only one ep past the first hiatus but when i catch up i'll think about that; i find it a little difficult to believe that their relationship is toxic, i think it might be miscommunication or smth but overall they do care for each other very much so if there is some sort of issue, hopefully it gets resolved (and we got fics while we wait >:D)

AASDJFKL yes yes bams affection to khun! the way his smile lights up when he sees him! its so precious <3 YES THEY DID HUG AFTER REUNITING ALSO ALSO THE S3 EP 66 HUG (do i have this ep number memorized? yeah)

and the reunion hug!! not pictured but im def sure it happened, also love rak just chilling there xD

thanks for the ask! have a nice day~

[nonbinarykai]

Im going to be taking a hiatus for awhile

And here’s why:

To address the elephant in the room, yes the video does have some part in it but it’s not the main reason. The video made me reflect a lot about this blog and how I address it. While I don’t think the video was entirely made out of bad faith it did make me realize the sort of emphasis this blog might have on the fandom. So I’ll be breaking down the reasons now

1. Validation

I made this blog originally as a way to try to combat my validation chasing, I had a issue in discord where I felt upset and angry every time someone couldn’t respond to my thoughts about Kai, which was unfair to my friends because they obviously have other lives to live. So I made this blog as a way to put all my thoughts into the world without having to find anyone to validate them.

But I feel like as the blog became bigger that plan sort of back fired and soon enough I started posting in order to get validation.

Not only that but I’m afraid that many people i interact with might be using the blog as there own way to try to get validation either from me or from my content.

This behavior around people using my blog as a way to gain validation has been putting a lot of worry on me as I don’t want to enable the same toxic mindset I made this blog to avoid.

2. Impact on this fandom

While I’m excited that the fandom is starting to recognize Kai more, I’m worried that my posts may have given Kai a more negative representation then I would be happy with.

It’s no secret that I complain a lot and that’s because I just post whatever’s on my mind. I’m passionate about the series and sometimes that comes out in a light hearted/satirical yet harsh way.

However I feel like my posts have had a general negative impact on how people not only view Kai but people I tend to talk about like lloyd, jay, Tommy, or even the fandom itself.

People now view Kai as a poorly written character that’s been neglected by the show, and while that’s not entirely false, that’s not exactly the kind of way I want Kai to be viewed. I want him to be viewed for the types of flaws AND positives he has and I want to encourage other people to be able to rewrite his character to be better

I’ve also feel like I’ve been to aggressive towards the people I disagree with, from Tommy to people who just want to talk to me. Most of my posts are meant to be satirical or light hearted, but there’s a place for playful rudeness and it’s clear that I can’t just engage that kind of behavior with people I don’t know

Im also not very comfortable with how much people recognize me now, I don’t want to be seen as any type of celebrity or famous person. And I don’t really want to be seen as a final authority on anything, I just want to talk about Kai

3. General burn out and disinterest

Im a busy person and I have to deal with things like school and work. I also have other projects I’m working on that I’m generally more interested in.

So while I’m not planning to get rid of this blog at all, I’m going to have to cut back on how much I use it and how much I interact with people on it. I can’t force myself to respond to every reblog or posts new ideas on here when I can spend that time doing much better stuff. I still have a main account I want to focus more art into.

While I’m not sure how long this hiatus will be, I’m not planning on deleting or completely removing the account, I’m going to be taking the time away to rethink how I can approach this blog with a more positive and healthy perspective

[junicai]

Relationship with NCT 127

➣ Taeil ☾ taria 

taeil is the Sole Protector of aria’s sanity 

taeil loves his maknaes so much, but he literally looks at her like she put the stars in the sky 

the Proud Dad smile :’)

when aria first debuted, czennies thought that she was the same age as jungwoo - because she acted older than her age - but with taeil she lets her inner kid come out 

highkey dependent on his approval for things in relation to singing

“was, was that ok?” “perfect, ari.”  “ (O_O;)  - (◕‿◕)♡”

she will fight mark and donghyuck for his attention, and she will win

for a while, the two had shared a dorm room before they were rearranged, and taeil let her slip into his bed when she was feeling homesick 

the offer is still open, but aria takes him up on it less and less

taeil is NOT sad about that. absolutely not.

he’s vehemently against any and all diets she tries - saying that if she gets any smaller he’s going to be able to pick her up with one hand

que him dragging her out for ice-cream after a promotion, paying no mind to her protests

aria helps taeil with translating a lot of things into english during lives and interviews - so much to the point where he’s picked up a bit of an irish accent and the others never fail to clown him for it 

taeil still has the small braided bracelet that aria gave to the members on their first anniversary of nct (he keeps it in the drawer beside his bed)

aria is his self-professed happy virus. he told czennies in a vlive once that her smile makes him feel really happy and he wants to protect it to the best of his ability

aria always fixes his micpack before they go onstage if its crooked, because she comes out after him in the lineup

they have monthly movie nights and they alternate who chooses the movie / show (taeil normally goes for mystery or drama themed ones, while aria enjoys making them both sob miserably)

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

aria and taeil singing “I See the Light” from tangled for the NCT Music channel, and the tears that were shed by both moonis and realtai alike. sm really popped off with the staging and the lighting of the whole video - between the smiles that were on both of the singers faces and the whole ambiance created, its a cinematic masterpiece 

no one was surprised when it hit 2 million views in a day, and a lot of solo stans were born from that video

➣ Johnny ☾ johria

indisputable siblings 

there is not a single czennie who ships these two romantically, and that’s because they’re just too wholesome 

johnny is one of the few members that aria calls “oppa”, mainly because of the age gap and sm wanted her to appear respectful, but also because he thinks she looks so cute

very chill, excellent vibes

their vlives are either chaotic messes or the closest thing to therapy since ice cubes 

the blanket on aria’s bed? that was a gift from johnny - she had been complaining to mark about how cold she always was anemia tings

czennies are begging for sm to allow aria to open up a solo instagram account, becuse they see the amount of pictures johnny takes of her

in the park? he’s making her pose in front of the flowers. backstage before a show? the lighting, c’mon.

big big bear hugs - the height difference make nctzens want to die 

185cm vs 158cm? p l e a s e she’s so tiny in comparison  (/ =ω=)/

when she gives him backhugs it looks like a little kitten trying to wrestle with the family dog 

play fighting about vernacular:

“ITS CALLED A SIDEWALK” “S I D E W A L K, ITS A FOOTPATH YOU BUFFOON”

very vocal about her wellbeing, and has asked fans before to remind her to take better care of herself and get to sleep sooner

aria, starting a vlive at 3am: hi hi~

the comments: NO GO TO BED

johnny helped her a lot when it came to the style change in choreography, as aria was used to soft, flowing movements and not the powerful, sleek style that most nct dances have 

consistently forgets the fact that she is not the fourteen year old he first met, and is, in fact, an adult now. “you’re a child” “im 18″ “...no”

is the person to get angry on her behalf when interviewers belittle or ignore her 

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT. 

during a fansign, a fan asked aria who did she think was the most comforting when she was stressed (besides mark and donghyuck) and aria said johnny. “he’s so, constant? like nothing seems to knock him or throw him off, and that’s really comforting when i feel unsteady.”

johnny is now known as aria’s weighted blanket. 

that is all. 

➣ Taeyong ☾ ariyong

taeyong took one look at aria the first time she showed up for group practice and immediately adopted her (not literally, but he would if he could)

eomma meets highly protective older brother meets life coach type beat? 

so so soft for her its sickening 

says he doesn’t have favourites and will then spend an hour cooking for aria because she’s been in the studio for the whole day and he knows she hasn’t eaten yet

when aria was given a duet to do for the sm stages, she had to pick another member to do it with and her first choice was taeyong

she always has said that taeyong is one of the pillars keeping her upright and sane - without him she wasn’t sure if she would have been able to complete her training

because of all the schedules they share together, if aria isn’t rooming with mark then she’s definitely rooming with taeyong

whenever she does his makeup (more often than you’d think) she point blank refuses to cover his scar, even when he asks her to 

“please? i don’t like it.” *gasp* “how dare you.” 

sleepy aria! snuggling into taeyong’s shoulder when a schedule ran late! 

he gets uncomfy when the stylists put her in too revealing clothes, and has spoken to them on numerous occasions about dressing her in age-appropriate attire, no matter how “sexy” the concept might be 

he keeps little bags of sugar-dusted strawberry sweets in his bag incase she forgets to eat and feels faint after the last time (they used to be blueberry flavoured, but he heard donghyuck throwing out any and all “blueberry-contaminated” food one evening)

taeyong doesn’t tolerate hate towards aria, especially in person, so he always makes sure to sit down the line from her so that he can see when people skip intentionally her

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT. 

taeyong had just been awarded the solo bedroom on the last night of the Mtopia series, and was staring off into the corner looking rather uncomfortable. aria, who was meant to be rooming with baekhyun looked over and saw his mouth curled downwards slightly. 

“baekhyun-oppa, is it ok if i room with taeyongie-oppa tonight? i ran out of my tablets, and he has some in his bag..” 

baekhyun looked down at her with a small smile and agreed, while on the video edited captions appeared with the words, “a cute maknae, asking to room with a younger member...”

➣ Yuta ☾ nakamiya

the president of realtai 

this man is absolutely, completely and irrevocably whipped for aria and she is not afraid to use that to her advantage

she beat him at arm wrestling because she pouted at him - she’s too powerful 

aria.exe stopped responding when yuta started to playfully flirt with her the first few times

*winks* “hu-wha-”

one of the most outwardly protective members of her, because he feels a sense of responsibility for the younger girl

he was one of the trainees she first befriended, aria’s korean not being good enough to hold a decent conversation, and yuta happy that there was another japanese trainee 

9 times out of 10, when the members are making their way through crowded areas like airports yuta is always behind or directly beside aria

during a fansign one of the fans asked why he did that, and he said that he needed to keep her in his line of sight or else he’d get anxious that she’s so small that she could get swallowed in the crowds 

yes aria hit him for the short comment 

yuta, 50% of the time: you’re not allowed date until you’re 35

yuta, the other 50% of the time: bro where’s your boyfriend

he complains that she isn’t as sweet as she was when she first joined, and that hyuck must have corrupted her (╬ Ò﹏Ó)

he let’s her braid his hair when its longer, them both sitting on a bed with yuta in front and aria kneeling behind him so she can reach 

he was the first person to take her home for the holidays, because ireland was too far to go back for a week over christmas 

“what do you mean you’ve never been to japan???” 

bitching about the other members in japanese? more likely than you’d think 

when aria turned legal in korea, yuta took her out drinking and made sure to post pictures of her with her flushed cheeks on his instagram story with the caption “aish, i told you to pace yourself....” “happy birthday riri”

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT. 

you know that one clip of the sasaeng getting absolutely trashed by nct’s bodyguard and taeyong jumping 7 feet into the air? 

well taeyong wasn’t the only one startled; standing beside yuta, aria was closest to the wall of fans when the girl ran forward towards the members. aria jumped in fright, while yuta barely made a face (#unbothered). he simply wrapped an arm over her shoulders and pulled her around to the other side, tucking her underneath his arm.

tsundere!yuta

➣ Doyoung ☾ dori

*ahem* WHIPPED *ahem*

doyoung adores aria so much 

was he unsure about a girl being added to a group of boys? yes but it was moreso concern about how he was going to make sure she wasn’t accidentally trampled

they bonded over a night in the recording studio when he found her sitting on the floor with music sheets scattered around her 

a whole mentor when it comes to singing 

aria always turns to him after singing - especially when it wasn’t planned, like at a fansign - to see if she did a good job

doyoung has yet to tell her that she hasn’t but sue her, she appreciates the validation

the original mother and Will Not Let Taeyong Forget It

doyoung, dragging aria out of the studio: now listen here young lady-

kitten and bunny friends RISE

no seriously sm released merch of a kitten and bunny plushie and it sold out in a day

when aria had the accident that led to her two month hiatus, doyoung was the one who rode in the ambulance with her after refusing to let go of her hand 

“i’m sorry sir, only family are allowed in at the moment-” “we are her family” *nurse looks around the room at the 14 other boys sitting anxiously*

he is a weak, weak man he will crumple on any decision if she smiles and slash or whines at him even slightly 

carries band-aids and support strapping in his practice bag because he knows that she gets really bad blisters when she hasn’t practiced while wearing her heels in a while, and he makes her wrap her ankles for the first few sessions incase she falls 

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENTS.

NCT 127 Take a Friendship Test (Glamour - 2020)

“ahh, my first impression?” *laughs* “actually, we first met in a recording studio, at like. 3 o’clock in the morning? he stuck his head in the doorway and i was so tired that i thought i had died and an angel had come to save me...”  (*μ_μ) 

➣ Jaehyun ☾ jaria

you know how cheetahs in the zoo get emotionally support puppies?

this is the same type of vibe

very snuggly together? but only in specific scenarios, like when jaehyun is too tired to move after a movie night, he’ll just kinda engulf aria in a hug and make her sleep on the couch with him 

any back hug she gives him turns into a piggy back, its non-negotiable 

likes to randomly compliment her to see how red he can make her face go

did she have a crush on him when she first moved to korea? yes, but who didn’t

that faded really quickly though once she started into the group officially - now they are more like siblings

they don’t interact that much on camera? rip to the jaria shippers

but that doesn’t mean they aren’t close with each other its just that a lot of their interactions happen off-screen

naturally, jaehyun began to think of her as a younger sister over the years they performed together 

jaehyun will end anybody who lays a hand on aria 

a little bap bap if you will 

he asked her to take him ice-skating one day, and the entire time was spent with aria laughing her ass off as he ate the ice nearly fourteen times before getting the hang of it 

he takes her out for food when he notices that she’s been put back on a strict diet plan (aria thinks she’s good at hiding those pieces of paper, but she forgets that when she puts it on top of things, that other people are a lot taller than her and have a higher vantage point)

the prince and princess of nct? check 

head pats

he likes to pat her head and she’ll swat it away immediately until she gets tired and just lets him do his thing 

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

jaehyun was wearing a flower crown placed carefully on his head as he bent down slightly to run his hands through the damp grass. a soft shutter sound went off, before he heard a hum coming from behind him. “jaehyun-ssi, could you take off the flowers? we can’t see your face clearly because of the shadow.”

jaehyun glanced backwards at aria’s retreating figure, being chased by donghyuck with hands still stained green from the grass she had shifted through to find the fallen flowers. she stopped and waved at him before resuming her run.

“i’d rather not, if that’s alright. i think it fits quite well with the theme.”

➣ Jungwoo ☾ ariwoo

oh my god someone please stop these two

once jungwoo taught aria about the power that aegyo holds for persuasion tactics against the older members of 127, they were unstoppable 

you should be afraid of them

100% have plotted someone’s murder before (and have succeeded, czennies always wondered where that last manager went after The Incident)

aggressively cute together - to the point where your teeth will rot 

jungwoo will intentionally flirt with aria just to fluster her because its “so easy to do”

not very physically affectionate, but jungwoo has no hesitation calling out “uri fighting haeyadwae!” to her when she looks like she needs a little encouragement 

jungwoo is the reason she wants to do a bachelors degree after finishing high school 

he used to help her with her maths assignments after school when she was struggling with managing her time 

they’re called the “aegyo duo” of the group, and there has yet to be an outright winner of the competitions to find the cutest member (its aria. jungwoo said it himself, its aria but we been knew)

they have an odd dynamic of looking like best friends the first second, evil masterminds the next and then siblings who want to murder each other but they make it work 

will and has flopped down on her while she was laying on the practice floor and then whined when she tried to get up 

he spilled the tea that aria gets super emotional and affectionate when she’s drunk 

cutest shit ever that made ariwoo shippers lose their absolute minds was the clip that got released in the behind the scenes filming of Kick It, where jungwoo was half asleep in the corner and aria just pops up out of nowhere to shove a folded jacket under his head and made sure to prop it in a way that he wouldn’t get a sore neck when he woke up

jungwoo is the reason she knows korean curse words (dont tell doyoung)

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT. 

aria wobbled in her heels slightly as she stepped out of the van, trying to hold a blanket up to protect her legs while she slid off the seat onto the ground. jungwoo extended an arm around her waist, gripping the blanket in his other hand and carefully holding her to make sure she didn’t trip on the cobbled stone.

➣ Mark ☾ mari

1/2 of the best friend crew

honestly at the beginning, mark and aria weren’t very close, having only really seen each other in passing or with johnny 

but after being dropped into training together the two quickly became fast friends, and now they’re borderline inseparable 

you thought you knew pain? watch aria’s reaction to mark’s graduation from dream :)

mark’s the reason why aria felt confident enough to pitch some of her lyric ideas to the team, after staying up until 4am to help her make some edits so she was as confident as possible 

kinda just, rests his head on her shoulder? and wraps his arms around her waist when he’s tired 

mari being confused in foreigner: ??? 

aria said once in a vlive that she finds mark really comforting to be around - when she feels stressed or worried about something she’ll go to mark’s room and just sit on his bed for a while

aria is so close with his parents - “ahh, how’s my favourite child” “i’m doing great mom.” “no not you, how’s aria?” “wh-hu-MOM?” 

you’d swear sometimes mark is younger than her, considering the pout he puts on and how much he whines when they’re not on the same team together for promotions

mark big protecc boi but also little small cuddly boi 

they’re so soft for each other ( ╥ω╥ )

in one of the fancams for mark’s solo stage during superm, someone zoomed into aria singing along with him in the wings and dancing to herself with the Proudest Smile(tm)

he’s! so! proud! of! her! constantly! she could be walking and he’d be like “omg get it” 

when aria refuses to get up and make herself food (this happens way too often, she just gets into the groove of her work and doesn’t want to move) mark gets her to by threatening to do it himself 

consistently caught by czennies just standing behind her and holding her hand in crowded areas - airports, waiting rooms, etc. 

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT. 

mark and aria were standing off to one side as the mc explained the rules of the game they were about to be playing. mark looked totally confused, and elbowed aria in her side before looking down and mouthing “what?” to her. aria opened her mouth, before closing it and looking down at the ground, muttering to herself, “결합... 結合..... le chéile.... le... le.. oh oh - combined! we have to put them together, markie.”

and thus, a new confusion meme was born

➣ Haechan ☾ arichan

the other half of the best friend crew

absolute heathens to be around when they are together 

donghyuck is the person aria is closest to, and someone she’d call her best friend (only when she was sure he wouldn’t hear her)

she calls him “the demon child i can’t get rid of” but will, and has definitely pouted when he ignored her for too long 

generally aria is a pretty soft spoken person, but not with hyuck around - he brings out all her chaos energy (please pray for the patience of dotae)

the pair have a little tradition of kissing the back of each others’ hands before going on stage for good luck. they can’t even remember how it started, but now its an unnegotiable pre-show ritual

he’s so clingy with her absolutely everywhere its painfully adorable  (ಥ﹏ಥ)

interviews? hyuck has a hand on her knee, or if she’s wearing a skirt he’s tucked his hand in between their chairs so she can hold it discreetly. in the dorms? full body tackle onto the couch, where he proceeds to lay on top of her completely. 

because of hyuck’s nickname being the sun, and aria always being around him, czennies gave her the nickname “moon” to go with him

fans thought that aria was older than hyuck for a good year and a half before she released her birthday on a vlive, because she’s normally the one tasked with reigning his chaotic energy in during promotions (that is, if she hasn’t already joined him)

but off-camera, aria is absolutely hyuck’s baby there is no disputing that. aria’s sad?he’s there with ice-cream and a blanket and a baseball bat.

the winnie the pooh character that is on aria’s bed was a gift from hyuck for her 17th birthday, after she made him watch seven episodes of the show on netflix with her one night 

yes he complained, but he slapped her hand away when she went to change it to something else 

a twitter thread of a czennie comparing their horoscopes together went viral when people realized that it was quite plausible that the pair were each others (platonic) soulmates 

after an incident involving blueberries, donghyuck took it upon himself to check the ingredients of every. single. food item in their dorm to make sure it was ok for her to eat 

hyuck clowns her for her irish accent, and aria curses him out in japanese

tldr: they cute or whatever 

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT. 

donghyuck was doing a vlive in his bedroom, sitting and talking to czennies when aria opened the door to his room quietly. she didn’t say anything, just waved slightly with almost closed eyes before she crawled underneath his covers and tucked her plushie underneath her chin. hyuck didn’t even blink at it - so it must have been a regular occurrence.

[shanitani]

CHAPTER 3: BAD B*TCHES

table of contents

👩🏽‍💻: lol did y’all miss me? im still on hiatus for maybe a good two weeks until summer srry<\3. but to make up for it I made this chapter hella long.

“Damn their water pressure is good.” You mumbled softly, turning off the faucet. The boy had a cleaner bathroom than you had expected, in comparison to the ones in America - he was almost cleaner than yourself. You wiped the fog from the glass admiring your damp face for a moment, fully indulging in the fact that you were really in Japan.  

You slipped on your pajamas, the bottoms hugged at the figure well and unfortunately so did the tank top Mitsuki put out for you. You had no problem wearing it around by yourself, but you had to take into account there was a boy you had never met before living there as well. It didn’t help that Midnight never gave you any descriptions about the boy as well, so it was obvious how high alert you were.

You grabbed your belongings, turning the music down to a soft hum in volume before turning off the bathroom light. The cold air hit your damp warm one before clearing your vision to see the teenage boy you had been wondering about the day you got your acceptance email. You both stared in awe, you took in his muscular arms due to training, the light ruffle of his blonde hair, his mouth fixated in a frown, and his piercing red eyes.

It wasn’t as if he wasn’t looking at you either, your skin glistening under harsh light, your hair lightly tied back with a hair tie, the familiar smell he smelt minutes before now more concentrated and easier to name. He dared not to look at your figure-hugging the waistband of the pajamas, trying to rip his glare away fast enough. He grunts, beginning the doorknob, “You better have had left my bathroom the way you saw it.”

You frowned furring your brows, “Duh I did. And hello to you too.” you scoffed looking down at your phone in an attempt to make the situation less awkward. The blonde boy let out a groaned out “hey” before opening his door, and closing it in the same breath. “Rude ass,” you mumbled under your breath before heading downstairs back to your room. 

“You met him?? TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED” Imani squealed putting her elbows on her crisscrossed legs looking in awe behind the screen. You smiled at her eagerness to know the boy, though you didn’t think he was all that. “Well he’s pretty muscular, um tall, he’s blonde and rude as fuck.” You rolled your eyes at your last sentence as you simultaneously put your belongings in your new backpack for tomorrow.

“Okayyy he could work! You gotta fierce Lil attitude too so it’ll work out fine.” Imani flashed you a smirk - knowing you couldn’t hit her from Japan. “Oh shut up Mani! you know if I was there I’d slap your ass right now.” you pointed your middle finger towards the camera, giving her a nice view of your white acrylic nails. “Exactly why ima act out now rather than next year.” She huffed, turning off her led lights looking back at her best friend. “I’m gonna miss you tomorrow, school’s gonna be so boring.” You whined thinking about the worst scenario known to come. If they were anything like Bakugo, well you were going to be entirely fucked. “I will too. But stop making me sad about it! We gone see each other soon.” Mani kissed the phone foreshadowing a kiss to your cheek, you smiled doing the same motions as her before ending the call and rolling over to fall asleep.

“I better like these people, Nah they better like me....” you shut your eyes, anxious for your first day to start.

The next day came, as Mitsuki dropped you and Bakugou off. You expected him to at the least show you to where you needed to be - but instead he slung his backpack to the side , not giving you a glimpse of attention your way. “One day im gone beat his ass up.” you took a breathe trying to find the dorm rooms, only to be met with a man right in front of you.

“Hi, [L/N] nice to finally meet you.” The tired-looking man shook your hand motioning you into the dorms. “As you know we enroll all students into the dorms for their safety because of accidents that have happened in previous years.” you nodded looking at the huge building with high ceilings and pillars inside. The man showed you around to the necessities like the gym, commons room, the classrooms, and finally to your dorm room. “I forgot to mention, but you probably know me. I’m Aizawa, and I’ll be teaching you along with class 1A. Today we just want you to prepare your dorm room so you can sleep easy tomorrow - I won’t lie to you, it won’t be easy.” he shrugged giving you the keys to your dorm.

You thanked the man before opening the room, as said in the description - the rest of your belongings were stacked to the side of your room along with your mattress to the right of it and a desk to the left. “Might as well put on music.” you thought to yourself, scrolling through the millions of playlists before finally reaching the one you wanted. 

“Yeah, this will take a while.”

Putting on the comforter of the bed, and adding the last of your pictures on the wall; you flopped onto your bed feeling a slight headache arrive. You groaned wiping your forehead, looking out the window to see the sun almost come to a set. “How long do these children work? Seems like their school hours are a whole part-time job.” before you could laugh at your inner joke, you heard the loud door creak open before the kids voiced roamed the hallways.

You shifted uncomfortably on your bed, knowing that they knew you arrived. It wasn’t like you didn’t want to meet them. You just didn’t want to do the same cycle of meeting new friends again - it was a hassle and you were fine with the ones you had in America. You took a deep breath trying to regain your thoughts, “They won’t even know I’m here. It’s alright.” you repeated to yourself trying to make the anxiety slowly creep up disappear. 

“Yeah she’s here now stop asking me about her, you wanna talk to her go right there.” you heard the familiar huffed voice described as Bakugous. You could tell he pointed towards your dorm the way a teenage girl laughed, hearing the footsteps come closer and closer towards your room. “Shit.” you jumped off the bed, fixing your hair making sure to make a good impression no matter who it may be. That’s when the footsteps stopped, and a light knock was met at your door.

you opened the door to a girl squealing, “Hi!” a curly haired girl engulfed you into a hug making you step back giggling at her eagerness, “Hey! your hair smells nice.” you hugged her back, finally stepping back to get a look of her. Her hair was the same color as her skin - pink, that you could only assume was the cause of her quirk. However, she did have black features that made you believe she was Blasian. 

“Mina stop harassing the new girl! it’s only her first day. Hello I’m Momo!” A black haired girl came waving her hand at you, she looked beautiful - you were almost intimidated by her stunning features feeling a tad insecure once side by side. 

“Oh no worries!” you giggled sitting on the edge of your bed motioning for them to come in more. “How’s your first day been?” Mina sat at the other edge of your bed looking at you with huge eyes, “Honestly, kind of boring. also confusing since this place is huge. Way bigger than the schools in America” you motioned towards out your door foreshadowing the commons room.

“America? that’s where you’re from?” Momo chimed in walking towards your desk chair to sit down. You nodded, “Mhm, California.” Mina gasped - “California! You’re so lucky!” you laughed at her bubbly attitude that was a bit similar to your bestfriends at home. “Trust me you wouldn’t want to be there, I’m here for a reason aren’t I” you smirked nudging her shoulder slightly.

“ Wow, How long will you be staying?” “One year.” you shrugged looking off in your dorm window. “Well I hope you love it here, hopefully become a pro.” Momo smiled at you genuinely, and you couldn’t help but fall in love with her persona. Before you could speak again you heard a knock on your door and small murmurs behind your door, Momo opened the door slightly, only hearing a faint “Yall better not embarrass me. I’m serious” before she opened the door all the way to the boys.

“Shut the hell up Momo.” one yellow haired boy lightheartedly says before leaning on your wall and catching your eyes. “Hey! I’m sero and this is Denki. Nice to meet you.” Sero extended his hand to yours to shake, “Wassup Sero, Hi Denki.” you smiled at the other boy.

“Damn, so this is why Bakugo didn’t want to show you off huh.” Denki came closer to you, taking in your features. “Or he just don’t like me” you scoffed thinking about his arrogant characteristics from Sunday. “Well that’s good, less people to compete against.” Denki sat next to you on the edge of your bed fully focused onto you. You smiled taking observations to his flirtatious personality.

No matter Denki giving you his full and undivided attention, Sero caught your eye the moment he walked in the door. You looked Sero up and down, his outfit caught your full attention. He wore the UA uniform required yet paired with grey Jordans and a silver chain dangling from his neck, it was no understatement that he was a very attractive boy. “Why you standing there all quiet, Sero? you obviously came up here for something.” you jokingly stated - trying to start some conversation with the boy.

“Tried to see if you were really what all the hype was about.” He shrugged coming up near you to overpower your figure, your heart raced as he looked down upon you smirking, he knows he fine chile. “They were definitely right.” He smirked looking at you with low eyes.

“Y’all are the most flirtatious boys I know. Swear I can’t take yall no where.” Momo grabbed the two boys by their collard shirts making them groan in displeasure earning a laugh from you - only to make them groan in embarrassement. 

“Bye boys.” you wave them off as Momo literally kicked them out your dorm, before closing it in front of them. “I like you” you pointed to her, making her eyes widen, while her cheeks grew into a blush before smiling. “Now how did you make a better impression than me and I came here first.” Mina flopped onto your bed frowning. “Don’t worry girl I like you too.” you slapped her thigh in a friendly manner.

“Alright you two enough talking, get back to your dorms. You all have a long day tomorrow.” Aizawa yelled through the door with his usual tired voice before shuffling off to his room closing the door. “Guess I’ll see you tommorow [Y/N]!” Mina skipped off towards your door “Yes! see you tomorrow” Momo opened the door looking back once more “Bye boo’s!” you called out before the closed your door.

You turned on your led lights in substitute for the harsh lighting in your dorm, shuffling off into your bed. you looked off onto your wall looking at the pictures you stuck to them, “Damn, I miss you Imani” your hand grazed upon the picture of you and Imani sticking up the middle finger to a flashing camera with your phones in one hand and a red cup in the other - a party you both went to knowing damn well you weren’t supposed to be there.

You turned towards the other way of your bed shutting your eyes - anticipating for the long day ahead of you, and meeting the rest of your class tomorrow morning.

👩🏽‍💻: y’all fw y/n being bisexual orrr? or do y’all want scandals? tell me now😁

Tag list(send me an ask to be apart of it)

@quincywrites, @fandomsgotmefucked , @lokis-teseract , @racistareversa,@ladybakugouu, @melanin-baddie , @oookore , @bnhathotty, @bleach-your-panties , @shikamaruhairline, @dilfhwa ,@winxme

[hikari-writes]

❅A Love Letter I Have to My Lovely and Beloved Friends❅

(I just know that 30 july was a national friendship day and today is like 31 july already at where I am but,,, just pretend that this is also for National Friendship Day 🤡🔫)

As you all know, it's been confirmed that I'll be going on a hiatus two days from now that I really don't know how long it will go on. So, with that in mind, I wished to leave this message to all the wonderful friends I've made while I was active here on Tumblr during quarantine.

I've started this writing blog a few months ago, to be precise, on May where life in quarantine was starting to become a norm. In the few months until now, I did my best to start writing and drawing more using all the free times that I have.

I wouldn't have expected this blog to grow so much in such a short time. To me, it was really mind blowing, seeing that there's a lot of other great content creators here on Tumblr. Yet, the 300+ people who stumbled upon my blog still decided to follow me.

I was really happy to have made many contents that I'm actually proud of posting. And I still can't believe there are people out there who love them. Seeing every one of your comments and reblogs and likes really, really, squeezed my heart and I couldn't be more thankful for your support.

And during these fun times, I was able to make friends with many amazing, talented, fantastic and all the good words I could find in the dictionary people on here. You all are a real gift to me and I hold you guys close to my heart.

I still can't believe I was able to befriend you guys though, like, y'all are so amazing and I was just here like squeaking my name to you like a shy mice lmao. =///= Anyways, thank you for all the good and fun times. Thank you for being with me and helping me with lots of things. Just, thank you for everything. (I'm writing this at 1am like it's sad hours yall I'm crying :')))

If you are ever feeling down, do not ever forget that, even if it's only me, I'll support you to the end of the world because you're just so amazing and fantastic. I love you and never let any hate that's thrown at you let you down because they aren't worth your time.

The people I'll be mentioning below are my dear friends or just people that I have been interacting with during the times I was online, little or not, I still consider you guys to be my friends (very self-proclaimed here sorry)and I'm still honoured by that fact.

@your-local-bnha-writer -Bean, you and your posts are always so wholesome and cute and I love them. Keep being amazing, and we may not interact much, but I still appreciate every little convos we had. Also, wish you luck on tpn, that shit hurted :')

@identifybby -Liaaaa, omg im so v v grateful we became friends. You've helped me with a tons of things and I can't thank you enough for everything you've done to me. You're just so amazing and thank you for always putting up with me, i love you sm.

@minteasketches -Mintea! You're such an amazing artist and I rlly enjoyed our conversations! You might not see this since you're off socmed but just wanna let u know that thank u for being my friends.

@yandere-of-your-dreams -Heyyy sis,, you're always such a sweet bean to me and showering me w love and i appreciate them, stay amazing and I'm sure you'll become an amazing writer.

@shotobabe -Ren, wifey, ilysm thank u for always being with me. You're such an awesome person and keep on being yourself. You're perfect and talented, don't let others tell you otherwise. AND while I'm gone, don't forget to drink lots of water okay? I won't be able to remind you while I'm on a hiatus, but please always remember to drink water. That'd be the first thing I'll ask you once I'm able to be online. And please try to eat more okay bb? I love u.

@takumipineapplexd -Taku! Amazing writer and amazing editor, yes I'm talking about you. You're amazing and keep on making cursed content and being crackhead, i love them.

@bnhabadass -We might not talk much, but I just want to let you know that you're so amazing and I look up to u v much. Literally had a heart attack when u commented on angel wings lmao.

@tomomoni -Mon, love, soft bean, I LOVE U. You've always been so wholesome and cute to every one of your followers and seeing ur interactions literally heals my heart. Your art is amazing so continue being amazing ilysm thank u for being an amazing advisor and listener, I'm v grateful for that. You have no idea how blessed I am to have you as a friend. Meeting you through turn on your airdrop's fanart was F A T E.

@kamabukokompachiro -First time u asked my permission to read my fanfic, I legit teared up. Thank u sm for asking, I couldn't be happier to know that my fic is worthy to be read over for a yt channel. Keep on being amazing and ily.

@kaminii -Kamiiiii, sweet child, you're always so matured and calm and I really adore and respect that part of you (unlike me im v childish and rash) You're an amazing writer and editor and ur aesthetic? 100/10. Love it. You're so talented despite being so young and I'm just, WOW. Ily and thank u for being friends w me. And please fix your sleeping schedule bb. It's rlly not good for your health, like please? Ily.

@katsucutie -I love you and your writing so v much, and I rlly enjoyed talking to you, discussing about Burn Book was rlly fun. I might not be able to know the ending since im gonna go on a hiatus but I'll be sure to catch up to it once im back. Keep being amazing and awesome.

@isolshi -CHERIE, I LOVE YOU AND YOU'RE AMAZING. Don't be so insecure about your writing. They're amazing. And you're also one of the sweetest and cute person I've met here. I always love teasing you cause your reaction is always so funny and cute. Keep being awesome. And please, please, please get enough sleep and drink LOTS of water. I legit would cry if you don't drink more water cher.

@mirakeul -BIANCAAAAA LOVE YOU'RE SO AMAZING AND SWEET LiKE--- please, I love talking to you and thank you so much for always reminding me to eat. Your calligraphy and handwriting are awesome, shshh i don't take criticism. Never stop writing, I love them. And please never forget I love you and you're my best friend okay?

@roxybefab -You've always been the first to ask me to be on my taglist and I'm so v happy because of that. Thank you for everything, and keep on being awesome. You can do this, ily.

@princessofdawn718 -Talking to you about Hamefura has been so fun! I haven't talked w many ppl about isekai so im rlly glad I could talk about them w you. Katarina x nicol ftw! Thanks for talking to me, it was such a pleasure rlly.

@softkodzuken -Maam your writing is A M A Z I N G. I love anon sm and you're rlly so sweet for always replying to every single comment on them. Don't be so insecure about them, they're amazing and i will always stand by that point. Wishing you the best of luck for Undercover!

@lolitsleia -Your art is *chef's kiss* i love them so much, I still can't believe you hadn't had more recognition like why?? Ur oc alex is the cutest thing ever and i love her. Thank you again for drawing Yuki. She looked really beautiful and cute in your drawing.

@samanthaa-leanne -We may not talk much, but when you first followed me back, my heart goes B O O M. You're so amazing and keep being like that. And uh,, good luck with Violet Evergarden if you ever plan to watch it. Prepare a couple of tissue boxes....or dozens.

@miyumtwins -Fellow android users! I first saw you through Bean's post about a tag game and i was like *gasp* another androiders..! I swear that one time i was interacting w you, I didn't actually meant to go off anon,, yes im dumb lmao. Anyways, you're rlly amazing and I'm rlly honoured to be followed by you.

@kawasuno -Your smau? 100/10. Your sense of humour 100/10. They're just so perfect *chef's kiss* I love every one of your updates and they always managed to put a smile on my face, i was like, how did you do that? My sense of humour is nonexistant, teach me your ways sensei. But anyways, you're rlly amazing and awesome. Keep up w that.

@kukusbabe -Tsu, I've never said this, but it's you. It's always been you all along. What i mean is, I've followed you first (i knew u through zara's flopping server yeah!) And when i looked at my dash and saw all your interactions w your moots, despite me haven't legally started haikyuu yet, i decided to follow all of them, soooo if it's not for you, we may not have met each other. Everyone in the kita family, Tsu is the MVP here muah. Also your aesthethic and writing and everything is so kajsjhendnd amazing i LOvE---

@iwaixiumi -King Nami, you're so awesome and amazing,, and I'm really glad to be able to interact w you. All those songs you recommend? Yeah, I'm going to listen and love all of them, thank u so much for the recs. Keep being amazing and to everyone reading this, PLEASE INTERACT WITH KING NAMI MORE SHE DOESN'T BITE---

@shoutodoki -Hello, you're so amazing and talented and im just,,, kekkdjfjdj when you followed me--- and when u figured out i was the anon talking about oboro i was OAKSJEJDDJ please, i was so honoured u know, like ???? Anyways, keep on writing what you love and your art maam? THEY'RE AMAZING LIKE BOTH YOUR ART AND WRITING IS SO KAJSJDJDN pliS im so v honoured to be able to talk to you.

@lisarillia -Please excuse me while I go shout in the corner of how much i LOVE your arts. They're amazing and being able to talk to you was a real pleasure. Keep on doing what you love. They'll be amazing no matter what i swear.

@cutiedrawsbnha -Cutie, honey, you're amazing and your art is so cute! Don't let what haters said get to you. You're going to grow into an amazing artist. If you give in and listen to what they said, you're going to end up like what they said so ignore them honey! I believe in you so keep shipping izuocha, todomomo, and kamijirou and making arts. Lotsa love!

@lilikags -Heeyyyy you sweet cute innocent bean! Don't ever stop writing what you love, you'll grow into a big blog soon enough, before you know it. Just keep making what you love, and as time pass by, I'm sure there will be many people who will find appreciate everything you do. I'm always supporting you.

@baeshijima -SOPHHHHH YOU SWEET CUTE CINNAMON ROLL WAKATOSHI'S WIFE EYE--- You have NO idea how much i love you,, you're so sweet and I honestly don't know what did i do to deserve you. Srsly you're a blessing to me. Thank you for the sweet daily reminder in my inbox, i love each and every one of them. Keep being so cute and wholesome, love you.

@shinsuque -ANAAAAA Thanks again for the Bakugou's memes! I may not be able to do it before i go on a hiatus though *sobbing* Keep being so awesome! I love seeing all your interactions and you're so amazing i honestly don't know why you followed me----

@semiluvr -LYDIA *SOBBING* THANK YOU SO SO MUCH FOR INVITING ME TO THE KITA FAMILY. Even though we've known each other in less than a week, it already felt like I had known you guys for so long like whotttt. Keep being an amazing and sweet person ily muah

@dumbass-lev -MOMMY, MUI, ILY THANK U FOR ALWAYS BEING SO SWEET YOU'RE AMAZING,,, u have no idea how happy (and also flustered) I am when i saw you asking you want to adopt me like,,, whot I've never been asked to be adopted online b4 so you asking that was a big surprise to me and just,,, remember that i love you and you're an amazing mommy. Hope i wasn't too much too handle as your child lol and thank u, for asking to invite me to the server. It has been a real pleasure to me to be there.

@pudding-head-kenma -DANIE!! We haven't talked much and I've only known you for a short time but I really love your detailed analysis. They're amazing and you're amazing. Thank you for being so sweet and cute. Ily.

@/🦋 nonoi -🦋 NONOIIII!!! IF YOU'RE SEEING THIS, I JUST WANNA TELL YOU THANK YOU FOR BEING MY EMOJI ANON! I love you you're so sweet and bb please please please don't forget me id cry,,,

@astereim -Rein!!! I know we just talked and all but you seem to be a reaally cool and amazing person,, we might not be able to interact much since I need to go prepare things b4 i go on my hiatus though, but just wanna let u know that ily!

@tokoyamis-luv -please don't come for my neck i haven't been active on the server Lol but anyways, zara, you're amazing and your simping for Kurapika is always fun to watxh. Also all the lin manuel edits are *chef's kiss* we may not talk much but i was rlly honoured to be able to interact w you, even a little bit.

@engel-hageshii - YOU, MAAM are a literal angel, and your comments on my fics always managed to make me smile so much. I love you, please never stop being such a sweetheart.

@laylahoran -I've always loved and appreciate every comments you make. I'm v happy I was able to create a content that you can love. You and engel has been some of my firsts followers and I'm really blessed to have you two.

@oyasenpai -Diemmy! You're so sweet and cute and seeing your interaction w my moots (kami) was what made me follow you. Don't let what others said bring you down, okay? Just do what you want because there're always many people supporting you for it.

Special message to the kita family server;

Meanwhile while you guys were talking about me there, I was just innocently scrolling through Tumblr, not knowing what kind of fate I'll be receiving 👁👄👁 No wonder I was sneezing so much 🤧🤧🤧

So, I was just scrolling through the pinned messages and I saw tsu said "mui: can we invite hikari? Everyone here: kakskejdjdjdn" and i was just like,,, ??????? I wasn't expecting u guys to have that kind of reaction i--- yall have no idea how much i was grinning while I scroll through those messages. Thank you so much for inviting and accepting me, it's really fun to be with you guys and your crackhead energy 🥰🥰 Thank you to mui for suggesting you had no idea I was really really happy. 😭 Y'all are so amazing and sweet and cute and beautiful kakjdjdd

To all of my dear friends that I've mentioned above, I LOVE YOU LOTS YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW GRATEFUL I AM TO MET YOU GUYS. Quarantine time has been stressful for a lot of people, and Tumblr can sometimes (a lot of times) be kinda whack but I was really happy to met you guys during my time here. Our time together may have been short, but i feel like we've known each other for more than a year, no caps. I love you all very very much. Thank you for talking to me and befriending me. Remember to get enough sleep, drink lots of water, stay safe and healthy, eat enough meals and, take care of yourself. I love you guys.

And lastly, to everyone reading this, whether i know you or not, or interacted with you or not, or follow you or not, or you follow me or not, just REMEMBER that you are worth it and I love you. Keep on being awesome, and always remember to smile, laugh and live. Don't forget to always DRINK LOTS OF WATER, GET ENOUGH SLEEP, and EAT ENOUGH MEALS.

Signing off,

Hikari.

[kkairosclerosis]

uncommon things i associate my deities with~

hi guys! im back from a quick hiatus! 

i recently moved to the city, but not too far from where i lived previously in the country. living in the city, however, is proving to be a bit more difficult then i had imagined, so ive been taking some weekends to go back home and ground myself again so i can feel more connected to my craft<3.

anyways, this morning, i was sitting on the porch of my parents farmhouse, looking out onto the sunset as my idiot dog ran laps around the frost-covered lawn, feeling more connected to my deities than i had in weeks. i decided, ‘hey, here a nice post idea. maybe ill talk abt the things i associate with my deities that others might not, and hopefully inspire them to as well!’ so, here it is! 

uncommon things i associate my deities with!

hermes——««

if this isnt your first time on my blog, you probably know: hermes is my patron. he has been for a while, even before i began to worship him. if you want to know more about why, check out this post. 

regardless, you can imagine that i hold very dear everything i associate with him.

in this case, it’s my dog. 

my dog is an...interesting border collie named oliver. i got into hellenic worship very shortly after getting him, and i have a very strong feeling he has a lot to do with it. 

i am thoroughly convinced my dog is a child of hermes. hes chaotic, but extremely smart. very, very fast, and spends hours running out in the yard. just running. nothing else. its even more intense when its windy, which, if you read the aforementioned post, you know that i associate the wind heavily with hermes. hermes is also the god of animal husbandry, and oliver is quite the farm animal. 

watching him run, i always get a strong sense of comfort. i know that the energy of hermes resides in him, its very clear. its almost as if his running brings the wind.  like hes running, and hermes says ‘hey, that looks fun! let me join!’ 

i, very regularly, ask for hermes protection of oliver. i do this because i know of the love hermes has for him. i can feel it. it makes me comfortable knowing hes safe while im not home with him. and i can tell it makes oliver feel safe as well.

aphrodite——««

aphrodite has always been dear to me, even before i started actually worshipping. i remember reading about her in the mythology books i frequented in the art room after i finished my projects, carrying them out to the field to just sit and read. she was an embodiment of beauty to me, and that has not changed since, so its natural that i associate her with one of the things i find most beautiful on this plane of existence: clouds.

when i was thinking of writing this post, i was sitting and looking at a cloudless sky. i was thinking: why is it that we most often consider a cloudless sky beautiful? is it because of the absence of ‘blemish?’ does a cloud signify a flaw? must all beautiful things be completely clear, or without mark? 

obviously, i thought this was ridiculous. clouds are so very dear to me. i mean, i have an entire album of photos on my phone of pictures of clouds i have taken. i have always been enamored. 

while i was pondering this, it hit me. beauty is unique. beauty is individual. thats exactly what aphrodite is about. these ‘marks’ in the sky are what make the sky beautiful to me. aphrodite is in these ‘blemishes’ because i find them beautiful. 

now, i dont mean to wrap this up in a corny way, but i encourage the people reading this to think this way about themselves. beauty is in your imperfections because they make you you. i have not seen one cloud that looks exactly like another i have seen, and thats exactly what makes them so beautiful to me. aphrodite loves all of you, and someone else does as well, so do not disrespect them by being mean to yourself. their idea of beauty is not misconstrued, so trust them. and if you dont think someone thinks your beautiful, know that i do<3.

apollo——««

apollo, to me, has always been sort of an enigma. i have a harder time interpreting his signs, especially recently, and i think that its particularly because of my recent falling out with my creative side. i have sort of abandoned my art, and it think its difficult for him to communicate with me through anything else.

one thing, however, i can feel him in is the sound of the birds in the morning. particularly, roosters.

as i mentioned before, my parents live on a farm. its natural to hear roosters first thing in the morning. some people find it annoying, but to me, its incredibly comforting. it means another morning has come. i’ve lived another day, and i have a whole new one to look forward to, until i hear the rooster the next morning. it means the sun is rising, and apollo rises with him. 

as a witch who particularly enjoys the sunrise, but has a hard time waking up to see it, the roosters serve as a sort of natural alarm clock. even if i do not physically get up to see the sunrise, i know it is happening, and i am awake for that first moment of dawn. it brings me comfort and a sense of small accomplishment, even on really difficult days.

and the days im in the city, and cant hear the roosters, its the morning songs of the birds in the part right next to my apartment building. this might be even more so, as apollo is the god of music. 

its a different type of comfort to wake up to the chill of the morning and hear the birds, knowing its a deity that loves me and wants to see me the next morning as well. i hope you, dearest reader, come to feel the same:).

asclepius——««

now, i haven’t talked about this much on this blog, but to me, asclepius has been such a pillar for me as of recent. with the pandemic and my own current health situation, i rely on him a lot for hope and support. i ask him to protect both me and my friends and family from illness or ailment, and in case of ailment, i ask him to facilitate a speedy recovery. thus far, he has never failed me, and i do not ever expect him to. i put my trust in him wholly. 

other than health, i find myself associating asclepius with cleanliness. while i see asclepius as the medic, i also see him as someone who is clean and organized. this is why i associate him with dewdrops.

now, bear with me in my explanation. morning dew, to me, feels clean. it feels almost pure, as it is one of the first forms of moisture a person can be met with during the day. 

picture it now. you wake up at sunrise, and venture out into your yard, the chill of the am just tickling at your face, cooling your nose to the touch. you take your first step off of the deck, and your bare feet sink into the grass, cold, and now wet from the dew. the feeling is shocking at first, as your feet get used to the new temperature, fresh out of the warm comfort of your blanket that sits invitingly on your bed inside. 

but the feeling is fresh. its grounding. its healing. 

that, to me, is how asclepius feels. 

sobek——««

i must be honest, sobek is the reason this post came to existence. i feel extremely strong about this one, particularly because i feel that sobek is under-appreciated and misunderstood as a god. i constantly encourage people to include sobek in their worship, as he, to me, has proven to be one of the most reliable gods i have ever worked with. i feel such a sense of comfort and love within him. i could sit in his energy for hours, days even. especially as a person who suffers from bouts of paranoia, his energy is one to learn to accept and become. 

for me, i see sobek in flowers. 

not many would see this, as sobek has this image of a tough, crocodile, protection god, which he is. but what a lot of people forget, is that sobek is also a god of fertility, particularly in harvest. in fact, sobek has done so much for my family’s farm. our garden is plentiful, and our harvests are more than we know what to do with. we end up making a lot of extra things with it, and giving it away to family friends and neighbors. i genuinely think that sobek creates abundance in our garden so he can give to our community. that is how loving i know him to be. 

however, what i specified was flowers. one of the most common offerings i give to sobek are roses. he seems to love them. sobek seems to protect that of which he loves, and roses are a symbol of love for me. i want to attempt to give him what he has given me. 

my family has a wildflower garden in front of our home. the morning i was sitting on the porch, i felt his presence, and i immediately looked to the flowers. delicate, yet extremely strong, and persevering. thats how i wish to be, and i can feel sobek in the encouragement of the flowers. 

i hope that didn’t come off too corny, although im pretty sure it did lol. i hope that this post was a good insight into my deities and how i understand them to be! again, disclaimer, not everyone experiences the gods in the same ways! some may agree with this post wholeheartedly, and some may have completely different experiences that make them disagree entirely! i am not one to gatekeep and define what the divine is, because the divine shows itself in different ways to different people. i hope you enjoyed this post, and have a wonderful day!

p.s. i love you and you’re worth it!

[wickymicky]

girl groups most likely to get a first win in 2021, in my opinion:

aespa - they’re almost guaranteed to, lol. the only reason they havent yet is because they’ve been up against nct, even on The Show, which like... good work SM, lmao. you blocked your own newly debuting group from a first win haha. on the other hand i mean SM did sorta take over those weeks, since the nominees were aespa and two nct songs, and aespa probably like and appreciate their sunbaenims, so it’s all good i guess. in any case, yeah, i really feel like if they come back with a mini album sometime next year, it’s pretty much guaranteed. this isnt really a hot take, it’s just kinda obvious

dreamcatcher - with the rate they grew in 2020... i can only imagine what 2021 will be like for them. if the finale of the Dystopia saga is as well received as the first two installments, it really feels possible. it’s already been possible for a while now, it just comes down to who they go up against. but i think they’ll get lucky and get their first win this next year. i really think so.

weeekly - this might be a bit of a long shot but i’m calling it lol, this is my prediction. they’re the 2020 MAMA rookie of the year, which is a pretty big deal. i think their next comeback will have a lot of attention on it, and i think it could happen. although, idk, maybe it would be more likely in 2022? maybe it would take a year or two? who knows, we’ll see

fromis 9 - this is also a bit of a long shot. they’ve been close before, but their spot in the overall pantheon of groups at the moment is kinda hard to discern. are they a group capable of that? or have they sort of fallen a bit and need to build that hype back up? did their extended hiatus hurt them a lot, or did it make people want to support them even more? who knows. their return comeback wasnt the one to do it, but if they put out two or three comebacks next year and momentum is built back up, i dont think it’s out of the question. 

some 2021 rookie group lol - there usually is at least one girl group like this, right? that just comes right out the gate with a first win? there wasnt one this year, but there were two in 2018. i guess there were two in 2019 too, cause everglow got a win in their first comeback, but since it wasnt “right out the gate” with their debut, idk if that counts. also because that win mathematically should have gone to dreamcatcher, and everyone knows it, and im sure the everglow members know it and i wonder if they even really count it as a first win, because theyre friends with dreamcatcher and look up to them. who knows. i hope everglow get a proper well-earned win next year, that they can be proud of. but anyway, there’ll probably be at least one group that just launches and immediately wins. it happens

weki meki? - okay im putting them on here because obv theyre my ults and my url references them lol, and im hoping that by speaking this into existence it’ll come true, but man i just dont know. i hope they do. but unless a 2021 comeback from them really blows up, i dont think theyre on that trajectory. they’re more on the trajectory of becoming one of the many legendary groups that are beloved by people who follow what’s going on really closely, but maybe havent really caught on with non-fans. that’s not a bad place to be, tbh. in any medium, not just kpop. there are lots of things with relatively small, but very passionate and devoted fanbases. idk if theyll get a first win next year but im sure whatever they put out will be at the top of my list of favorite songs, and that’s what really matters lol

[freakygirlie]

Walker- 1x04 ~spoilers~

I know i’ve said this a dozen times...but Walker just keeps getting better and better and better! With every. single. episode. I loved everything about this episode so much and again! Jared live-tweeting it was the best!!! I watched this episode at 3 am lats night again help.

~spoilers~ last warning!!!

OK SO CRDIREZ BEAUTY EPISODE!!! YES! I loved loved loved loved the development of their friendship in this episode SO MUCH! 

First scene Cordirez and them badass rangers catching bad guys together YES!!! Walker trying to find out Micki’s middle name is so cute pls. 

I really enjoyed the case they worked here as well. It was both deep and emotional and that twist! YEPPPP SIGN ME UP.

THE BAR SCENE WITH WALKER AND MICKI. AGAIN THEIR FRIENDSHIP! The episode title fit so well here and I’m glad Micki and Walker have really reached a good understanding on a friend and partner level. THEY\RE THE CUTEST PLEASE I LOVE THEM. 

‘‘walker where’s my drink’‘ ok every word micki and cordell exchanged with each other was the best??? 

WALKER AND HIS KIDS AND BROTHER UNPACKING TOGETHER!!! I asolutely adore their relatioship. AUGUST IN THAT BLUE HAIR AND SUNGLASSES DHJHHF AUGUST I FUCKING LOVE YOU CAN I ADOPT YOU.

I really adored the tiny exchange between Stella and Walker. Speaks volumes of how much they’ve progressed since the pilot. Walker and Stella’s dynamic I ADORE so seeing them at really good terms is just beautiful.

Annnddd now August is being the rebellious kid. 

I’m glad they brought up Belle’s case here as well bc i thought they’d completely overshadowed it. STELLA AND BELLE ARE SO CUTE! I WANT SO MUCH MORE OF THEM

OK NOW IK I SHIP CORDIREZ TOO BUT I SHIP TRICKI TOO. GOD.

They are so so so CUTE WITH EACH OTHER AND TREY IS JUST THE BEST I LOVE HIMMMM. 

Micki is such an epic artist??? HOLY SHIT GIRL HOW MUCH TALENT DO YOU HAVE HIDDEN IN THERE.

Micki and Walker working the case ‘off the books’! YES PARTNERS IN CRIME. or well soving crime. i didn’t like monty shaw too much anyways...idk bad vibes. WALKER DEFENDING MICKI AND SAYING SHE CAN FEND FOR HERSELF. I COMBUSTED.

THE CORPSE LADY WAS THE SAME ONE FROM SUPERNATURAL’S NIGHTMARE 1X14. HOLY SHIT.

*sigh* The Harlan Family. Classic Rich People.

‘‘can we keep this one off the books’‘ ‘‘OFF THE BOOKS???’‘ ‘‘are you kidding me off the books is my middle name. Just kidding it’s Beauregard what’s yours’‘ HHAHAH NICE TRY WALKER I LAUGHED SO HARD THEY’RE ADORABLE.

Cordell Beauregard Walker- such a fucking handful!

THE INTERROGATION SCENE. WHEN THAT GIRL WINKED AT WALKER AND HE JUST FLINCHED AND TURNED AROUND LMAO. WALKER WHAT HAVENT U HAD PPL HIT ON U BEFORE.

‘‘You got it ranger rick!’‘ PLSJJCDDFJFD. ‘‘that was so satisfying’‘ same micki same.

‘MICHELLE FLORIANA’‘ WOW??? I LOVE IT.

ALSO MUSKRAT! ADORABLE SO ADORABLE I WANT CORDELL TO CALL MICKI MUSKRAT ALL THE DAMN TIME.

‘‘on a scale from micki to muskrat where am i’‘ ‘‘floriana’‘ THAT LOOK THO.  HSHSHSHS DONT WORRY WALKER YOU’LL GET THERE.

-I love how this show is really taking the time to address the difficulties someone like Micki- A Female Latina would go through- the sexism, blatant disrespect and disregard. Micki’s character is also something that’s very well written and acted(Lindsey ily) and portrayed extremely well. One of my favorite things about Walker is how he really trusts Micki, views her as an equal, and wants to earn her trust, not demand it. It’s perfect(cordirez breakdown time). Micki is also slowly letting her fences down around him and it’s a huge and very delightful to see step. I love and adore their friendship and chemistry so much. 

MICKI SPEAKING IN SPANISH IS AN OFFICIAL TURN ON FOR ME BYE.

ALL OF THEM SOLVING THE CASE TOGETHER!!! NOT JUST CORDIREZ BUT TREY TOO! WALKER AND TREY MEETING TOGETHER WHEN.

Trey is such an amazing boyfriend truly! THE TOWEL ON HIS SHOULDERS DJSFDJFD AND AH THE COMIC MICKI DREW??/ ADORABLE. Also love how encouraging and supportive Trey is. The men in this show are the best.

LIAM AND WALKER SCENE. I love their dynamic too and i wanna see moreee. Also more micki and liam scenes yes please.

‘‘thanks brother very supportive’‘ i sobbed when he called him brother. i just. *screams*

Ok so Abby and Bonham really had a bad falling out huh. Abby was in an affair with someone who still misses her??? Damn, can’t wait to see how this one progresses. ALSO WALKER FINDING THAT LETTER FROM GARY TO ABBY IN THE BASEMENT I FREAKEDDD,

THE ADDRESS. ON THE LETTER. IS THE SAME. AS THE LOCATION. OF JENSEN’S BREWERY. THE SAME BREWERY. WHO’S FIRST KEG OF BEER. WAS GIVEN TO JARED. BY JENSEN. ON HIS BIRTHDAY. HELP. HELP. HELP. NOT ME HAVING A J2 BREAKDOWN IN THE MIDST OF A WALKER EP AT 5 AM IN THE MORNING.

Aight so August and Ruby is a biG NO OK. Like idk idk idk just idk.

WALKER HAD AN AFFAIR(after emily so ok but still) WITH SOMEONE ELSE WHILE UNDERCOVER??? WAS IT JUST UNDERCOVER OR REAL??? I NEED ANSWERS STAT.

THE PHONE THAT WALKER HAD. ONE OF THE CONTACTS WAS WINCHESTER AUTO. W I N C H E S T E R  A U T O. Jensen coming to the show owning this shop and Walker going to him to get his car fixed when Jared Padalecki.

MICKI AND CORDELL(AND TREY!) SOLVING THE CASE TOGETHER!!!

‘‘micki gives a play by play of the security footage’‘ ‘‘we’re watching the same thing micki’‘ *bitchface* PLS I LOVE THEM.

Holy shit Mrs. Harlan having an affair with Monty??? ENZO BEING BOB’S SON??? HOT DAMN THE CASE CONTINUES. Again. LOVE THE WORK/FAMILY BALANCE.

OK OK SO THE SCENE IN WHICH MICKI AND WALKER CONFRONT SHAW AND THE LOOKS THEY GIVE EACH OTHER BEFORE MICKI GETS IN THE CAR WITH SHAW WHEN THE MUSIC STARTS PLAYING!!! YES. YES. MY SOULFOOD.

I loved the way they worked it out. Phonecall, recording everything, THEM PARTNERING AND WORKING IT OUT SO BEAUTIFULLY I NEED SO MANY MORE CORDIREZ CENTRIC EPS YALL DONT EVEN KNOW.

‘‘walker! bulldog it!!’‘ HSHJDSHDSJ YES.

PLS I SCREAMED WHEN SHAW PULLED THE GUN ON MICKI.

BUT SHE IS SUCH A FUCKING QUEEN BADASS I LOVE HER.

Success!!!! The Micki and Walker and Larry scene at the end was so cute! I like how they’re actually invested in their jobs and want to do good it’s so heartwarming.

WALKER CALLING TREY TO FIND OUT MICKI’S FAV THINGS!!! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH! Also I genuinely love that Trey wasn’t weirded out by it or jealous or anything.  Can’t wait to see them interact I NEED IT!.

‘‘thanks for believing in me’‘ ‘‘i didnt. i trusted you.’’ HELP STOP MY FEELS.

‘‘thanks beau’‘ don’t mention it flor’‘ I DIED I DIED I DIED. MICKI AND WALKER I LOVE YOU. JKSJD MICKI WARMING UP TO THE MIDDLE NAME. THEIR FRIENDSHIP IS THE BEST.

That last scene with Walker and his mom was so touching. Walker’s relationship with his parents is so sweet. His mom hugging him and comforting him when Walker said he missed emily so much *cries* I just wanna hold him please. 

August being worried for his father’s happiness I JUST. YOU SWEET BOY. I really think messaging Twyla was a baaaaddd move though.

WALKER AND AUGUST SELFIE. The way Walker so easily just picked his son and brought him to him, made him family photographer and that scene. THE BEST. 

I genuinely don’t think anything happened between Twyla and Walker. But we’ll have to see.

oKAY SO. Captain James??? It’s just an on and off thing. Do I trust him? Do i don’t? Why did he take those surveillance vids out??? I trust Liam with it and i’m glad he’s looking into it and all. Hopefully it doesn’t backfire badly. I have a very bad feeling that James had something to do with Emily’s death.

THAT STELLA AND BELLE INTERACTION. SO CUTE. Stella giving that jar of jame to try and make up and Belle being all cute and funny I love them. For a sec i was so scared Belle might yell at her but I’m very happy to see that they’re going strong despite all the circumstances- Belle’s parent’s deportation.

ALSO TREVOR IS SO HOT??? I like him and Stella they’re cute. Stella so obviously has a huge crush on him and they ride horses so well together. HHAHAHAH THAT DANCE STELLA DID WHEN HE FOLLOWED HER ON INSTA. SO RELATABLE.

The last Tricki scene mY HEART. ‘’you wanted a hero so you drew one. then you became one’’ Micki is going to be such an inspiration I love her. And the way they interacted, Trey getting a job!!! And Micki’s excitement, THEIR HUG!!! ‘’hugging is one of my superpowers’’ TREY BARNETT I LOVE YOU.

THAT LAST SCENE WHY LEAVE IT LIKE THIS. WHAT IS HAPPENING WHY DOES WALKER OR DUKE APPARENTLY HAVE TO GO BACK.

Anyways! As you can see the entire episode was so enjoyable and I loved it. The best part of this was definitely the Cordirez friendship development and i cannot wait to see where it goes from here!

Speculation/Thoughts for Episode 5:- So it’s for sure that Walker is going back undercover as Duke who’s a baseball...person? Idk he was wearing a baseball hat so :) Walker’s past is now very much mixed in with his present and I AM SCARED. What he’s doing is yet to be revealed but Tywla is coming back and that will just. mess. things. up. The scene in which Walker is yelling at August GOD SO NOT READY FOR THAT. It feels like him and his kids might go back to how they were before. I really don’t want that to happen. Also why am I expecting a major cliffhanger. 

HEY BUT THERE’S SHIRTLESS WALKER AND! MICKI RIDING THAT MECHANICAL HORSE IN A BAR OR SMTH AND MORE INSIGHT INTO WHAT TREY IS DOING SO IM VERY EXCITED ABOUT THAT.

And it’s going on hiatus. Idk how to deal with that. :(