#this might come from getting up early
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You know what? It's Thursday, and I'm glad to be alive.
#this might come from getting up early#though i was forced to by extenuating circumstances (read congestion and headache)#but i haven't been up this early in ages#and i'd forgotten how good it feels to have so much of the day stretching ahead of me. so many possibilities#mmm#God is good
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anyone else feeling fundamentally incapable of adjusting to society. also just discovered there's a 30 tag limit which i can't believe i've never hit before
#like it was one thing when i was in high school and college like wasn't socialized as a child due to not receiving schooling and growing up#sda blah blah whatever but like i'm almost 27 and i am barely functioning lol like i feel like i'm struggling to have a normal conversation#even more than i used to and i think my speech cadence is noticably off which i don't think it always has been#some of it is definitely from chronic exhaustion from having to get up too early and the stress of having a frequently panic inducing boss#but like. come on now. i can't even drive despite finally having a license because i'm too scared/distractible/poor reaction time#over a dozen antidepressants have not worked. adderall is not working great either#i'm SO much dumber than i used to be and it's driving me quite literally insane#i don't even think it's from getting covid in july because i was noticing it before although it definitely became way more noticeable after#i got this job. i've never been this bad at a job in my life and it's something anyone who knows me would assume i'd be good at#it's embarrassing. i cannot fucking remember anything i struggle to do the most basic of arithmetic to fill prescriptions i make the same#silly mistakes multiple times i am constantly asking stupid questions and still somehow fucking up all the time#it's not as bad as it was a couple months ago and frankly i'm shocked i haven't gotten fired i keep thinking that's going to happen#of course i wanted to quit this job four months ago but now i'm at like a sunk cost fallacy point unfortunately#this is obviously not like any kind of career position for many reasons but i don't know what else to do unless i move across the country#again. i'm not even qualified for anything besides animal related things and summer camp which are fine obviously but not great if you want#things like benefits or paid leave or not to get burned out as hell lmao#i don't even feel like i could do any customer service jobs because i literally struggle to put a coherent sentence together on the spot#everything is so slow. soooo slow i'm literally losing my mind which is catastrophic because my mind is all i've ever had going for me#and i'm having kind of a horrible existence lately which is exacerbating all my problems except the problems make it mostly impossible to d#anything to fix it. ok going out and doing some fun stuff for a day makes me feel better that's great. except then i need a day after that#to recover from doing things the previous day. so the only feasible day for doing things would be saturday. except on saturdays i'm#recovering from working. i literally only work 4 days and barely over 30 hours it's Not that crazy. i mean the boss is crazy and the job ca#also be crazy obviously but 30 hours a week is minimal compared to other work schedules i've maintained before#anyway but the most i can do after work is go to the store if i need to but i almost never have energy for anything fun#and the fucking bus doesn't run on sundays and walking miles to get literally anywhere takes a lot of energy i don't have#i'm about to move next weekend and i'm dreading it because it's going to be so much work and i'm so fucking tired#and i don't have any friends to help me with cleaning i might be able to get help moving my stuff but i'm not even confident about that#i might have to rent a uhaul but i would honestly rather pay somebody to help because i'm that scared of driving even for one 30 min trip#whatever....sorry i had to feel bad for myself in the tumblr dot edu tags again i'm not in therapy rn#(<- guy who should be in therapy)
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they are similar
#painting is Interlude by Jeremy Lipking#my beautiful Neki#I must tell you all how beautiful he is waking up in the morning.#he tries to blink the drowsiness from his eyes but he gives up so quickly#he isn’t fully awake for another half hour or so!! but I rush ahead#he’ll sometimes do some stretches when he gets out of bed#common one is the Touka Stretch! he reaches his arms over his head and grabs the opposite elbows!#he has very pretty arms. pretty muscles. his complexion is very even but his skin is a little dry#Kaneki likes to leave the curtains undrawn overnight so when the morning comes it illuminates him so wonderfully!#I love how he looks bathed in light he is truly a marvel#I love when he wears t shirt and shorts or briefs to bed unbeatable boy combo#anyway when he leaves his room he might go take a pee or splash his face or something (usually it’s bathroom time) but immediately after#he sets up the kettle to boil so he can have his morning coffee#the coffee is extremely important!!!!!! it is what will actually wake him up!!!!!!!!#until this point his house could’ve been moved to a different planet and he wouldn’t even notice#this is a secret but sometimes while waiting for it to boil if he’s leaning against the counter and no one else is up#he’ll start drifting off again…… don’t tell anyone 🤫 it’s really cute#and when he sips his coffee.. he may do a little sigh…#he’s only up that early when he has somewhere to be though otherwise my boy will sleep in so late#and then he goes to sit with his friends or somewhere where he can watch them a bit while he gets himself together#maybe Banjou will look at his bed hair and say “huh. you look like a dandelion”#and it’s true he is the most wonderful dandelion there is because you don’t even have to make a wish#he alone is like every wish come true!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#my Kaneki!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🌱🥰#kaneki time#kaneki ken
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Sophie Shepard & Kaidan Alenko (ME1) 1/?
MIRA'S MORE CANON ME1 "After everything that happened with Zaeed, Caleston, and the Villa? I think need to tell you a few things about BAaT." "Well, after everything that happened with Zaeed, Caleston, and the Villa? I think I might owe you an explanation about how I really know Anderson." AKA: Zaeed Massani and the case of the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad message ping. :) Mass Effect: Legendary Edition (2021)
#mira makes gifs ✨#sophie shepard#kaidan alenko#shenko#mass effect#mass effect legendary edition#me#dailygaming#morecanonmasseffect#otp: you’re real enough for me#hi my name is mira and i like taking the most convoluted route to make gifs of my blorbos :)#the devil on my shoulder told me to do an LE1 mesh swap and i should not have listened lmao but IT TURNED OUT CUTE SO IT WAS WORTH IT :)#alright if we’re nailing down canon all of this happens at the villa technically?? so not even on the normandy lmao but we don’t have that#so this is as close as i could get it. and soph pulling up kaidan felt more canon to me in the ✨context✨#so we MESH SWAPPED BABY and now i have the power of kaidan alenko as shep to make AU gifs#LE1 mesh swaps might hurt my soul but eden prime calls my name :)#all of this happens at soph’s favorite spot overlooking the villa which is where they have the baat/anderson conversations :)#the most canon thing from this is the interruption of the kiss which isn’t joker in soph’s canon it’s zaeed lmao#he bypasses the mute on her omni-tool to bug her about coming to grab his shit from the normandy he didn’t grab earlier in the day#the eye roll in that one gif? she is internalizing her rage#her inner thoughts are literally something along the lines of#‘zaeed massani i am literally going to fucking kill you and strip your viper for parts’ in canon lol#i said fuck it to me1 canon and decided they get together early. caleston is the first mission. it just makes sense for them honestly#i could go on a 30 rant tag about just that but i think it’s just like a *when you know* and a trust thing#especially for soph who has issues trusting people and there’s always been a feeling in the back of her head of knowing she can trust him#and in soph!canon i think it goes the same in reverse for kaidan because i think there’s sort of a ‘lone biotic’ stigma around him#and i think they were both drawn to each other because it was easy to see *someone* to trust under the lone biotic and the sole survivor#‘someone’ i use that word a lot in canon :) but i think they’re both trusting of each other early on because they see foils in one another#and i think they both feel on the outside a bit in a way. kindred spirits. which is probably why they fall hard fast :)#i probably ranted too much like i always do because i treat the tags like a TEDtalk but have a good day as always friend! 💙
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minor details, but in chapter 68 of trimax we do see this bit:
the items that vash kept in his coat.
a "funbari doll" (which i cant find anything definite online about what that is with just a cursory look, so im going to run under the assumption that theyre some kind of collectable in-universe) & it's a red one, which is apparently rare. he still has the same pen radio that connects to his earring that's used waaay back on the sandsteamer. a swiss army knife, a random key, a used tissue (?), and...
a lighter? blow torch? i still cant tell what that last bar thing is tho. & i guess he had some kind of (normal) coin too? but Only One.
love the characterization implications for this lol. definitely the kind of pocket contents i'd expect from a silly immortal with a big coat
#speculation nation#fanny reads trigun#fanny's trigun analysis#trigun#just. hm. for Fic Purposes this is pretty useful.#it's cute that he has the doll. very vash.#overall tho it's very utility-driven. swiss army knive + blow torch. Yeah those would be useful to just have.#gotta wonder what that key is to. maybe i'll keep my eyes peeled in my official reread to see if it's mentioned.#otherwise i might have to just accept it as an unknown. & perhaps make smth up for Fic Purposes lol#he got the pen back from Kaite. which is a very interesting detail. not exactly useful for my fic bc he does not have that pen anymore lol#unsure if the coin is currency or some other thing. if it Is currency then lmfao @ vash being flat broke before all of this.#but THEN AGAIN early on he does say a lot of money gets in his way traveling east to west (i think it was) so What's The Truth Vash?#anyways im still looking for a new icon. got a few possibilities but im still undecided.#in the meantime U guys can have this lol. im fascinated by all the little details that are put in like this.#i really do love that he carries a swiss army knife & a blow torch. would they still call it a swiss army knife?#he does refer to the french language so obvs he knows about old earth stuff. for ease's sake id probably just call it a swiss army knife lo#bc yes now that i know he carries a swiss army knife it will Possibly come up in my fic. this is a tool i can use for my Purposes heheh
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i got offered the promotion at work.... why am i every business owners wettest dream damn....
#yapping#yes my ocd is horrible for my mental health but boy is it good for my wallet !!!!#its not OFFICIAL yet#but it was offered to me and i accepted so theyre seeing how they want to proceed now#cause its not just about me theres a shit ton of changes they want to make that include switching like 5 peoples schedules around#but my team leader said that most of those changes being possible depended on whether i would accept this or not#so well see#id be a team leader myself now#the feminine urge to become a power hungry dictator control freak at work.......#id be switching from my current early morning shifts to late night shifts which is much less healthy on paper#but my body is made for sleeping late i physically can not go to bed before 3am even now when i wake up at 5:30#i might have the money to renovate my apartment now cause i think this comes with a 20% pay increase which is a lotttt#i basically will be earning two incomes myself now 😭#dani said he fully believes Ace Of Spades exists at this point cause everything always ends up going my way in the end#i know it may seem like im flexing but please be aware when i started this job a year and a half ago i was borderline homeless 😐#so its a huge deal for me 😭 and really quickly done as well which is why its so insane#like. in a year and a half only i went from borderline homeless and my parents keeping me on constant phonecalls#cause they were worried id off myself if i hung up#to being a homeowner that earns two incomes by herself while working from home#i feel like in most companies hard work doesnt rly pay off tbh i was just lucky to get into one of the few companies where they do value it#the literal CEO is my biggest dickrider 😭 but i do appreciate him giving me raises randomly cause he feels like i deserve it#but yeah !!!! apparently life altering anxiety that forces you to compulsively do perfect work at any job you ever do#because making mistakes and not giving it your 110% feels like a moral failure so you feel sick at the very thought of it#is apparently what makes the dream worker#if only they knew i dont actually care about this in any capacity.... i am just fucked in the head in a way that works im their favour 😭#this is why all of my ex bosses begged me to stay when i quit teehee#im yapping too much but yeah !! heall yeah money !!
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this may have been an obvious solution to my writing procrastination but i should rlly set myself a writing day
#not all day obv just like at some point after 4pm sit down and open the word document with a caffeinated drink and get my brain stories down#not sure which day tho#can’t be monday or wednesday bcz i have to be up early-ish on tuesdays and thursdays#no thursdays bcz of aforementioned thing i need to be up for#maybe tuesdays bcz usually while i’m out and alone (i take my brother to and from somewhere) i come up with lore nd shit but im usually#pretty tired afterwards#+ don’t wanna cram it all into one day#so that leaves friday saturday and sunday#sunday’s probably best based on everything so i might do that#or friday depending on how i feel idk#but yeah might try that#writing#ryan shut the fuck up
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I honestly thought I didn't really have much chest dysphoria (small chested) but it's been several days since I put binding tape on as I had been careless removing it and scabbed the skin, and it feels terrible. I have a day's break every week or so which is just about doable but not this. Good thing my skin is better
#cw dysporia#it's like the feel of them#i've been hung up recently about how i didn't used to mind them/wanted them bigger even because i wanted attention from men#but back then i was not at all present in my own body so that probably helped in a fucked up way#i think i worry too much that i will somehow give the impression that i had rapid onset gender dysphoria or something#because in truth if you heal enough to become present in your body again and then start getting dysphoria it may seem pretty rapid#but i think what is implied in the (bullshit) concept rapid onset gd is that it there is risk it will go away again just as quickly#and that doesn't seem to be happening#i know rapid onset gd is by design a transphobic disinformation tactic#but i can't help but think that dysphoria that comes on rapidly and persists#and dysphoria that develops slowly and persists#are not very different at all.#but who am i kidding if you are a young person it seems like the only way to avoid a 'diagnosis' of rapid onset gd#is if you mention your dysporia early and often to your parents or guardians#that's literally it because adults don't believe children and teens have inner lives they might not know about
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its 2 am. i really want to bring back the ego fusions. does any one remember my old blog where i posted about ego fusions. i hope everyone knows i have a rough outline of all possible 15 (i think) ego fusions down in my head and they all exist at the same time and dick around and have Lore. i just havent posted about them or drawn them. but i think of them. often
#once i get back into drawing i might design all of them#like chase/marvin is a cutie clown weed guy#and jackie/jameson is just grumpy quiet leather daddy type guy#and marvin/henrik is a she/her vampire#o and chase/jameson is a art streamer who draws yaoi constantly. and anti/jackie is their 'big brother' who is kinda a mother gothel type#anti/chase has many issues and is angry all the time#and chase/jackie looks like a skater boi guy from early 2000s and yes he likes nu metal and has that frosted tip hairstyle#and anti/jameson is a terrifying reverse garnet situation. hes creepy#no one cares. i know this. also i shouldnt be caring about what other people think of my art and ideas bc it isnt healthy#yet i post anyways. lmk if u guys would be interested. i would make a separate blog to talk about the fusions and come up with new ones#ego posting
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the crow shirt is utterly insufferable bc lucanis can grab eshka’s tits just by unbuttoning her shirt a little bit v his collar jewelry + vest + undershirt!
idk the thought of like. they’re really heavily making out and lucanis’s hands end up in her shirt without much regard for messing up the buttons and it’s like that whole breaking away to apologize but both of them looking at each other and eshka frankly is like: “that’s hot” and YEAH!!!!
#eshka voice I bring a certain humor and bluntness to sex that some people do not enjoy#it’s not coming from a place of experience but she knows what she likes#she had some formative experimental flings with some people in her late teens and early twenties#formative in how humor and romance can go hand in hand#despite her issues and hang ups surrounding her body + gender + the ways in which she has felt inadequate#she’s always had a more healthy relationship with sex#there’s so many layers going on#I would say I might write some smut at some point but#I get like a paragraph in and I wanna go lay down and take a nap#oc: eshka#x. two birds on a wire
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i wanna make a post about all of the wild theories i’ve seen surrounding why the number 56 keeps popping up around luffy and how imo it might just be that oda likes that number & associates it with luffy and how it might not be That Deep but i don’t wanna come across as mean or snarky so im making this post instead!!!
#don’t get me wrong tho i am all for balls to the walls theories i just also think that sometimes the simplest explanation is probably#the most accurate one. also as a writer who has chosen random numbers bc they’re pretty or pleasing i can totally see oda just reusing 56#bc it’s a nice number and also it’s from early one piece so it just might be an association#why come up with a new number when you have one easily available?#also i am 100% ready to be wrong on this this is not a hill im dying on#anyways not letting this post escape confinement#ange rambles
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Ok last post n im goin to bed but yall im officially testin my first certification I'm so happy. Two of my instructors were grillin me for a shitty weld i did earlier in the night, one of them sat n watched me do another, let me finish working on it anf they were both immediately like "oh yeah you're good" like I'm finally gettin the hang of thissss. I've been finding it really rewarding to fuck up n correct myself n watch my progress in real time, and havin more experienced people around me has made it a lot less scary to approach since they all have really good input. I don't wanna rush through it but I really cant wait til I pass my test and move on bc I wanna feel this excited about everything else, but for now im proud of myself for gettin this far :3 + Babycakes so its small on the dash
#I've got a more preferable speed n angle down#now i just have to try and keep workin on my restarts + remember to keep from rushing + keep my machine below 82#the beginning of this was when I had my instructor shadowing me so I think i let myself get distracyed by that#and I didnt complete my restart properly. im bein nitpicky bout it but only bc Ive been strugglin with these#besides that I got good push through and didnt make any huge keyholes#i kept my speed mostly consistant#and while the beads not straight bc I messed up my angle here n there... its a Lot better than the ones i did earlier#slag n bead just drippin down the back it was a MESS#but i cant wait to get back to it next week i might come in early n use Friday to practice longer#mag.txt
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I'm certain that i've seen it said before but I want to say it again because i just keep seeing it, there is SUCH a funny overlap in the way Adventuretime and Homestuck portray expressions. Bodies and limbs too, they both have the same noodle-limb-tube-body-sphere-head formula and I'm sure that's part of the reason behind it but both of them consistently produce faces that just SEND me in a very specific way
#i might reblog later with pictures but it's just SO funny#particularly the incredulous/disbelief expressions are hilarious and so similar#also the jelly bean mouths#but idk it's mainly something in the eyes#homestuck#adventure time#“girl who's only seen homestuck looking at her second stylized story: getting big homestuck vibes”#but genuinely#they're actually really really similar in lots of ways#with the whole “apocalypse in the later 2000s to early 2010s” thing that exists simultaneously with magic#and the neon colors and the art style and the following the main character(s) from 12 or 13 to like 17 and etc etc#and using that time span specifically to comment on the process of growing up and past selves as separate people and changing relationships#which is extremely common and debatably describes all coming of age stories but is done in a specific way idk#i think i summarized it to my friend as “the main kid can use a computer and then stab it with a sword and neither is weird” or smth#but i digress#this was a tangent#(i'm making a note here)#(huge success)
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I will make any sort of sacrifice for art
#day three of unrelenting headache (from too much screentime presumably)#so i'm kind of very dying but there's no way that will stop me from finishing all 30 drawings#especially since knowing me i otherwise would have spent that time scrolling social media anyways#so at least i can get something tangible and fun and something to be proud of out of this#trying to do 2 drawings a day now so that i can have it all finished a bit early and it's in fact a comittment but i somehow AM managing#this might not seem like a big deal but this is coming from someone who hasn't made a single full piece of drawing in many years#so to be able to sit down and finish something EVERY day... would have been a completely absurd thought just a couple months ago#when i'm done with all the drawings i want to put them together and print them and display them somewhere#afterwards i will also either: draw much more bcs practice and it becomes easier#OR be so fed up with it that i never draw again. ofc hoping for the first option#going to bed now and hoping that i don't pass out tomorrow#goosepost
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Gonna be seated tomorrow watching Bagi, Aimsey and possibly others, all resource gathering as Purgatory 2 begins while drawing q!Tina fanart since I've already drawn q!Bagi. Can't wait to see who starts panicking first.
At least Empanada's admin gets the week off.
#teaduo#the Em thing is a joke#i assume other mothers will get on#at least one day so she can be fed#even bagi might get on to be emerency bagi to relax(???)#i dont know how relaxing it can be to go from whatever purgatory is gonna be to mean violent bagi (if she can keep up the act)#im still debating which povs to watch but i know its gonna be the lesbians (debating malena)#but i dont know how much ill be watching tubbo or bbh#but i want to watch a couple of the new people i dont know#itll probably come down to team split and when different people are on#qsmp#qsmp bagi#qsmp tina#qsmp teaduo#qsmp purgatory#purgatory 2#also the christmas event means most of the eggs will probably be on along with parents whether theyre in purgatory or not#and we can dream that bagi is eliminated early so we never see emergency bagi again#especially before she properly interacts with Tina or traumatises Em more
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There's no feeling stranger than knowing that something is bad but liking it anyways. Not in a 'it's so bad it's good' way. Because that implies that it has become good. I'm talking like this thing is just kinda bad in the normal ways things are bad, but i like it anyways.
#honestly I'm talking about Batgirls rn#because like...it has its moments but I wouldn't call it good. it even has some of my own personal pet peeves#specifically the overabundance of narration boxes that aren't from a character and rather the author is speaking to us.#if I wanted an overabundance Authors Notes I would read fucking early 2000s fanfics#and Babsgirl existing but I've made peace with the fact that we'll only get an Oracle story in a Black Label or similar thing at this point#I love the art and it has among my favorite designs for both Spoiler and Black Bat#don't get me STARTED on the covers holy fuck. the 90s rewind in particular lives in my head rent free because ajlkdfjdsalk;fjdlsa;kf#it also has both moments of REALLY FUCKING BAD characterization and REALLY FUCKING GOOD characterization#Cass being like 'ok but do we HAVE to save Seer?' horrible! demonstrates an egregious misunderstanding of her. what the hell?#Steph being abnormally good at solving the Riddler's puzzles and knowing basically every cipher because of Arthur? then getting incredibly#upset at even the MENTION of him to the point that she gets fucking stabbed by the RIDDLER of all people?#wow thanks for actually addressing a very interesting part of Steph's character that is often left by the wayside. good job.#issue 14 is amazing and it makes me want to implode every time I read it. like I actually recommend it without any caveats attached#it is straight up good. it's the high-point of Batgirls and it's not even close imo.#and wow! there is almost no dialogue and NO NARRATION BOXES??#it's almost like the whole appeal of comics is telling incredible stories through art or something. and that when you have good art#and good art direction you should just fucking let it speak for itself or something#and that maybe using what words you DO have to let your CHARACTERS speak in a way they normally wouldn't is a good idea#even if the in universe reason is that Steph is basically leaving this note as a 'I am either dead or close to it' type of thing#like holy fuck how did they do that?? AND SO LATE IN THE GAME THAT NOBODY FUCKING TALKS ABOUT IT??#and obviously there is a conversation to be had about 'was Batgirls queerbaiting' but honestly since it was cancelled IDK#I could see a universe where given time it could have made a natural shift to a love story between Steph and Cass#I'm not upset about it but I get why other people might be. there are some panels that like...come on.#and as always I am most fascinated by missed potential. because Batgirls showed that it COULD be good with Issue 14#and arguably other of the better issues. the art was incredible and as the issues went on it felt like the kinks were getting ironed out#plus getting a series focused on 3 of my favorite characters was a dream come true for me. ESPECIALLY because we rarely get good#stuff for Cass and Steph.
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