#this means cis people stop having this conversation

[uncanny-tranny]

I totally get gendered petnames like dude, sis, bro, and whatever else, and I get why some people might be confused as to why some trans people might take issue with a petname you might think is neutral. However, I do want people to remember that trans people often have different relationships with those petnames because they're gendered, and they might be uncomfortable with those connotations. A trans woman who doesn't want you to call her "dude" is probably not doing it to anger or accuse you of anything, but she might just have a negative relationship with that word.

I get that it can be hard to change habits, but it is worth it to include trans people. If a trans person in your life asks you not to use certain words, I promise they aren't trying to fuck you over or make you feel like you're under attack. They are just expressing a boundary - one that cis people also express.

[nururu]

I don't understand why there's such a pressure on representing your gender identity outwardly when it's literally so fucking dangerous. If you're brave enough good for you. If you have enough mental strength, good for you. But y'all need to stop taking that and using it as an example of how trans ppl should present themselves and then making them feel less than and invalid when they don't do it your way. It takes a lot of strength and a lot of bravery and a lot of mental strength, to be able to do that. Like an astronomical amount. Expecting everyone to have that ability is weird. And I know, logically, people don't expect that. When you actually sit down and have a nuanced conversation, everyone understands this.. but the way trans ppl who don't pass or don't outwardly represent a binary gender on their bodies, get invalidated and treated like they're not good enough bc they're not as brave as you,is ridiculous. It needs to stop.

[noonstate]

i need well meaning cis people to stop attemping to steelman trans healthcare conversations because it basically always ends with them just lying about easily checkable things "no minors are getting irreversible treatments" wrong not true "no minors are having surgery" also false, like instead just say the truth: currently some minors (few, but some) are able to access hrt that will have some irreversible changes on their body, some (even fewer) minors are able to access surgery.

the counter to transphobes screaming "these kids are being irreversibly changed" isn't "no children are accessing this care" it's "puberty is also an irreversible change" and "i think under 18s and even under 16s should be able to make medical decisions actually"

"no minors are accessing this care" means that transphobes can easily point to the examples of minors who are accessing that care, which just make us look like liars. sometimes teenagers and children need to make medical choices on their own. i think a 14 y/o should be able to get an abortion. i think trans kids and teens should be able to have the approriate care, which for some will just be like, picking a new name or haircut, and for some, sure, could be surgery.

[ihavenomouthandimustmouth]

It seems like a lot of the anti-transmasculinity/transandrophobia discourse revolves around the ideas that either this does not occur, does not occur in real life, or is just transmascs viewing criticisms of transmisogynistic transmascs as oppression, so here’s a story.

I live with some other people around my age, and I stopped using my deadname with them earlier this year. it hasn’t been that long, about 3 months, but generally, they use my correct name with an occasional mistake, usually followed up by a correction. one of them, however, just cannot seem to stop deadnaming me, often without correcting afterwards. when they do notice they’ve gotten it wrong, it’s usually followed up by a big thing about how they don’t know why they’re so bad at it or blaming it on being drunk if they’re drunk, but often not an apology.

an additional piece of this—my partner, who is a trans woman, changed the name they use around the same time, but this person almost always gets her name right. this person knows me a bit better/longer than they do her, but not that much better/longer, and generally, when I am around them, my partner is also there. (adding a cut here because this is gonna be long)

I talked with my therapist about this at my last session. I was seeking advice on how to handle it, but I also spent a lot of time just complaining and running through different incidences of this happening. I ended up telling her about some of the weird things this person said to me when I first started socially transitioning, including them saying that they were sad when I came out because they (direct quote) “didn’t want to stop seeing me as a genderless elf” (???!?) (I had previously identified as nonbinary and used any pronouns) and followed that up by saying that they hated men, which they then followed up by saying “not trans men though” (which like okay but then why bring that up in this conversation).

In talking my therapist, I circled back to the deadnaming issue and said that I thought this person was doing this to me and not my partner because my partner is more feminine than I am masculine (in social behavior and the way we look as two people that have not started medically transitioning). my therapist pushed back on this and said that, based on all the things I said, it seemed more like this person just didn’t want to see me as a man.

this blew my mind a little because I, a transmasculine person who spends way too much time on trans and transmasc internet, did not put the situation in this context while my therapist, a cis woman who is supportive but not super aware of the trans experience, did. it made a lot of sense though, and fit into the context of my other experiences and interactions with this person.

this person is a nonbinary person who has never identified as or been seen as a man. they are supportive of trans people generally and of their rights. they are also someone who believes that woman are inherently better than men. this generally doesn’t have much of an impact on the cis men we live with—for them, this more comes as being around for jokes that might make them a little uncomfortable, but doesn’t stop them from being seen as men. for me, this means I have to deal with the fact that this person doesn’t want to see me as a man and deadnames me accordingly, seemingly because they see me transitioning as a loss.

my point here is that when transmasculine people say that there are issues they face specifically related to them being transmasculine, that’s not a lie or a hypothetical. there is a stark contrast between the way this person treats my transfem partner and myself (and, after talking with someone who’s lived here with this person for longer, other transmasculine people who have lived in the house). they are supportive of trans people as a group, but not of transmasculinity, and I have to deal with the consequences.

[infiniteimaginings]

Can you do a transmale!reader x Harry Hook/Uma

(if you do multiple characters)

Where reader is chosen with the main four in the first movie (kid of Jack Sparrow) and leaves. He’s part of Uma’s crew. And when he’s chosen in the first movie, he’s pre-T or anything like it.

Then the second movie comes along and reader goes back to the isle with the others to bring back Mal. But he really goes because he wants to see his pirates. Except now he’s been on T for about a year now and had his surgeries. So they don’t recognize him and kidnap him along with Ben.

Anddddd I can’t really think of anything else after that. So…have fun with it! Preferably a happy ending, with lots of fluff and sweetness.

Pre-established Uma/Harry and Reader didn’t come out to them before leaving so as far as Uma/Harry know, Reader is a cis woman. So it’s a surprise when he finally tells him who he really is.

And yeah, that’s all. It’s alright if you don’t write it, I’d understand. Thanks!

Are we supposed to know you? (Uma x TransMale!Reader x Harry Hook)

Summary: You were sent off with the other Vk's to Auradon and when you come back to retrieve Mal, you're changed. You of course go back for Mal, but it's mainly to see the people you left and to tell them you're home. What happens when they don't recognize you and see you as a threat, just like Ben. How will they know you're who you say you are? Pronouns: You/Yours, She/Her (In mentions from Uma and Harry), He/Him Warnings: None Word Count: 2.7k A/N: (Long A/N) Act like Jefferson doesn't exist, I forgot he existed lol. Also, I won't lie, I started this at one o'clock in the morning, and was contemplating how on earth I make this fluff when they don't recognize him and kidnap him. So, unfortunately I didn't get lots of fluff into it, I apologize, I will write a part two to this little thing just for you with only fluff in it. I hope I did the general idea justice, if I didn't, I apologize. Lots of love! <333 (Even if I explained it, you guys would not understand how frustrated I've been with tumblr and my computer. I'm so sorry for how late this is, I've been upset because I had to delay it. It's here now though.)

When Mal came to you , talking about the Isle, you couldn't help but get excited. Your eyes lit up and your smile got wider at the thought of discussing it. Mal noticed your obvious signs of wanting to continue the conversation so she sat down next to you on the bed, looking out the open curtains where the students of Auradon Prep walked. The blonde girl looked over to you, the tips of her hair their typical purple. She sighed and looked back down, messing with her fingers, “Do you ever feel like…” She paused, unable to express how she felt in words. It would’ve been easier for her if you were the first person she went to, but you weren’t.

She went to Evie, Jay, Carlos, but none of them could understand where she was coming from. It was as if everyone was happy with their new lives, but her.

Mal groaned, putting her head into her hands, unable to speak anymore.

You looked at her curiously, placing a hand on her back and rubbing small circles into it. “You wanted to talk about the island…right?” You asked her, tilting your head to see her expression. She removed her hands and nodded, not looking at you. “Yeah.”

“Is it because…you miss it?”

There was a pause, as if the room itself stilled, as if the world stopped. You moved your hand a bit just to make sure it wasn’t some sort of magic freezing everything. 

Mal sat up straight, swallowing hard, “I don’t miss the island itself.” She confessed, making eye contact with you, “I miss who I was.” She explained, taking a deep breath, “Do you get what I mean?”

You looked at her blankly, tilting your head as you looked down at yourself. 

As you did so, she opened her mouth before closing it immediately. She shook her head and laughed, slapping your arm lightly. “You know what I mean!”

“Hey, I didn’t even say anything!” You chuckled out, putting an arm around her, placing your head on hers. “But…” You began, rubbing her arm softly as she leaned into you, “I do get where you’re coming from.”

Mal looked up, her eyes a bit water, “You do?”

You nodded with a smile, “We went from a life of no no structure, doing whatever we want, enjoying life to…” You blew air out of your mouth, sighing heavily, “Rules, etiquette, expectations.” 

The girl next to you stiffened at the last word before she relaxed, leaning more into your shoulder. “I just miss….” She trailed off, shaking her head.

“You miss the freedom.”

“Yeah, I miss the freedom.”

You nodded, thinking for a moment. Soon enough, you removed your arm from her and turned to her, “Then, get it back.”

“What?”

“Show everyone that you still deserve your freedom.” You explained, moving your hands with your words. “We didn’t stop being villain kids just because we started going to Auradon.” You continued watching as her eyes got bigger, “You don’t have to fit into these boxes people are trying to force us into.” You told her, shaking your head, “If they don’t understand that, then they never really understood you.”

Your words seemed to have gotten to Mal as she stood up quickly, a small smile on her face. “I needed that, thank you.” She told you, inhaling softly as she turned to the door to walk out.

You waved and mumbled a small ‘you’re welcome’ once the door was closed since she gave you no time to. 

You didn’t think much of it, you just assumed she would do something to show people that she was still herself even if she wasn’t ‘evil’, or necessarily ‘good’. 

Well, you didn’t think much of it until the next day when the VK group and Ben bursted into your room. You jumped, shoving a paper under your pillow as you clutch your chest. “Last I checked, knocking wasn’t a foreign concept.”

Evie mumbled a small apology as the rest stood with apologetic but serious faces.

You sat up since the air was so tense, tossing your legs over the bed to stand in front of them, “What’s up?”

“Mal left for the Isle.” Carlos blurted out, blinking rapidly as he looked everywhere but you.

Ben looked down with a guilty face, a frown placed on his lips. “We had a fight…” He mumbled, “She said I didn’t understand how…” He paused, clearing his throat, “She said I didn’t understand her.”

Your eyes widened and your mouth fell open at the realization and of the conversation you had with her.

Jay noticed your expression and knitted his brows together, “What?”

A harsh cough left your throat as you looked away from them, “I might’ve had something to do with that.”

The group simultaneously yelled, “What?!”

Your hands raised in an automatic surrender, “Hey, she came to me talking about the Isle,” You began your explanation, “and I miss my

Evie wasn’t pleased to say the least, she crossed her arms with a raised brow. “We are your people.”

You almost laughed, but given the situation you decided not to. “I miss my people.” You specified, your words reminding the group that all of you weren’t exactly the bestest of friends back on the island.

They couldn’t say anything, they knew you were right. Ben didn’t exactly get the message, and that reminded you all of why you were gathered in the first place.

You agreed to go to the Isle to help Mal.

You agreed, but you weren’t really going to help Mal. She lived there her entire life, you knew she would be fine. She knows her way around the island, she practically ran it. You weren’t going to the Island to help Mal, you were going home.

Once all of you reached the island, you thought you would all spread out to find Mal…that wasn’t the case. You all went in a suspiciously large group to find the daughter of Maleficent, something you thought was stupid.

You thought it was stupid, but you all still found where she was hiding out and Ben went to talk to her.

Evie, Jay, and Carlos all talked to each other as you scanned the area, kicking the ground slightly as time passed by. You were barely on the island and now you all were going to leave. It wasn’t how you wanted things to go, nothing was how you wanted to go.

Ben walked out and before anyone could question him, he walked straight past you guys. Everyone looked at each other and you sighed, “I’ll get him.” You grumbled, jogging after him.

“Ben!” You yelled, trying to catch up to him. “Ben, wait up!” You yelled once again, finally reaching him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “What happened? Why are you so upset?”

“She doesn’t want to come with us, all of this was for nothing.” Ben spoke harshly, ripping his beanie off his head and throwing it to the ground.

You sighed, picking the beanie up, dusting it off. “Ben, do me a favor.”

“What!”

“Look around right now.” You told him, gripping the beanie tightly. He looked at you confused but you repeated, “Look around right now.”

Ben regulated his breathing, calming down enough to look around. It was cramped, cluttered, dirty even. It wasn’t properly cared for but the people around seemed to be having a good time nonetheless. 

When he looked back at you, you were looking at the children running around, trying to find a way to pick-pocket Ben. “This is how we grew up Ben…” You mumbled, finally making eye contact with Ben, “You can’t expect Mal, the daughter of the biggest villain who was on this island, to just snap into a princess.” You explained to him, shaking your head.

Ben turned, looking at the area around, “I didn’t realize…” He whispered, eyes flickering to something new the more he looked. 

When the son of Belle and the Beast turned around to face you again, you were nowhere to be found. He turned around quickly, breath picking up the pace as he looked for you, “Where’d you go?” He called out, spinning in a circle until he felt a tap on his shoulder. He let out a sigh of relief, “Come on, that wasn’t fun-” The next thing he knew, everything went black.

Blurry eyes opened, a dry throat let out a cough, and vision restored. Ben looked around for a moment before his gaze fell on you. You were sat with a blank expression, seemingly uninterested in your current situation.

Ben muttered a few incoherent sentences but you cut him off for a moment.

“Getting kidnapped was not on my vacation bucket list.”

Neither of you could even begin a conversation after your words when someone started laughing. The two of you looked up and saw someone had walked in, seemingly amused at your situations. 

“Absolutely hilarious, you’re quite funny.” The male said, looking you over a bit before turning his attention to Ben to do the same thing.

Your brows furrowed as you broke out of whatever ‘trance’ you were in. “Harry?” You asked aloud, adjusting yourself to get a closer look at him.

He pointed his fake hook to you, placing it under his chin. “How do you know my name?”

“How does who know your name?” A voice called from behind the boy, footsteps getting louder as they neared.

Harry tilted his head, “This one.” He spoke, moving his hook from under your chin to step back.

The person that walked in was a girl, she had light blue braids and brown eyes. She stood tall with the hat of a pirate on. 

Your brows furrowed once again, your mind still a little fuzzy from your current situation. “Uma?” You mumbled out, tilting your head.

“You know these people?” Ben suddenly spoke out, trying to get out the rope that tied his hands behind his back.

You looked over at him, a bit unimpressed. “I was raised here, I know everyone here.”

Harry gasped falsely, fake hook over his heart, “You’re a VK?” He asked, not expecting you to answer, since he didn't believe you.

You nodded, forgetting that you look different so they don’t recognize you. “Uh, yeah.” You spoke as if it were obvious, “Born and raised.” You spoke, trying to jog their memory. “Uma, I was in your shop every single da-”

“Oh, and are we supposed to know you because of that?” She asked with a straight face, squatting down to bore her eyes into yours.

You took a deep breath, closing your eyes before opening them again, “If you said you didn’t, I’d be questioning our friendship.”

Your captors both laughed, looking at each other, “Friendship?”

Ben decided to give up, still listening to the conversation. So much was running through his mind, he was trying to figure out how to get out of this situation until…he realized something. You knew these people, you guys were friends, they just didn’t recognize you. If Ben reminded them, maybe they would let you guys go.

He thought it over before blurting out, “He’s the child of Jack Sparrow, so yes he is a villain kid.” 

Everyone went silent, their laughs were quiet, and your breathing stopped at Bens sudden exclamation.

You looked over and Ben looked you up and down, and that is when you realized…they don’t know who you are. You had changed so much in the past year, even your voice was different. How did you just expect them to recognize you?

When you looked back at the two pirates, they were staring you down. If looks could kill, you would be six feet under.

Uma squatted down in front of you, glaring harshly, “Don’t you ever disrespect her like that ever again.” She whispered to you seriously, her head whipping to Ben, “Don’t you ever mention her in front of me, again.”

Harry took a few deep breaths, “She would’ve been fine here, and you took her.” He told Ben, poking his chest with his hook. “If you ever try to lie to us, I will gut you like a fish.”

Uma nodded to the statement, “You think we wouldn’t know her family?” She asked you, tilting her head. “Jack Sparrow had one child, a daughter, and she’s never coming back.” She paused, biting the inside of her cheek, “For you, a preppy, to just try to claim her father as your own for some sense of freedom…it’s disgusting.”

The blue haired girl stood slowly, keeping her eyes on you. You finally released the breath you were holding, when she removed herself from your space.

You blinked back a few tears as they turned to walk out the door. Harry gently took Umas hand, whispering some things that you couldn't hear.

They were so good together, they still defended your name even if they thought you weren't there. You didn't expect your chest to hurt so badly when they protected you, even if they believed you were gone for good.

“I would’ve joined your crew even if I lost that race.” You mumbled, looking at their backs with sad eyes.

The two paused before turning to you, “Excuse me?” Uma asked, standing in place.

“The race..” You trailed off, “If you won I would join your crew, if I won you would have to spend a week proving to me how much you wanted me to join and then I’d give you my answer.” You continued, nodding with your own words. You didn't notice how they continued to walk towards you. You continued on, “Unfortunately, I was dragged to Auradon before I could answer you, so I’m doing it now.” You told them, looking up to see both of them analyzing you with parted lips, “I was going to join your crew anyways.”

Umas eyes were focusing on each of your features before she cupped your face, looking at you more intensely.

Harry looked up, making eye contact with you, “You have her eyes…” He muttered, taking off his hook to trace your cheeks.

You swallowed harshly before breathing out a chuckle, your cheeks warming a bit. “I would hope so, I was born with my eyes, guys.”

Uma shook her head, “But she’s… you’re not…”

“A girl…I know.” You whispered out, looking down, or trying to. Harry picked your head back up swiftly.

His eyes were watering slightly, “You’re telling the truth aren’t you?”

You nodded as best as you could with his hands on your cheeks. “I know I don’t look the same…”

He shook his head, “But you’re still you…” 

Uma quickly untied the rope keeping you tied up, trying her best to go quickly. She had ordered her crew to tie your guys up from your arms to your legs, and now she was regretting it. Harry noticed her struggle and began to help untie you, muttering curses when he got to harder knots.

Once you were untied, you rubbed at your wrists, looking down for a moment at the burn. 

You looked up, finally, and were met with Harry and Uma on their knees, staring at you. Their eyes were teary, their chests were rising and falling deeper than ever, neither could speak.

You felt your own eyes begin to water as you rushed forward, wrapping your arms around the both of them.

Harry's arm immediately went around you, he began to cry into your shoulder, holding you tightly. “We thought we’d never see you again.” 

Uma, on the other hand, was hesitant. She slowly wrapped her arm around you. When she did, she felt a rush of familiar comfort, a heat rushing through her chest, something she only felt with Harry and…you. She bit her tongue so as to not cry as she buried her nose into your other shoulder, “We would’ve found a way to you anyways.”

The warmth of the two enveloped you as you finally got to be near them again, as you finally got to feel their comforting arms again. “I have no doubt in my mind that you would’ve found me again.” You whispered to them, trying to hold them tighter.

Harry rambled on about never leaving them again, Uma ran her fingers down your back, both of them weren't letting you go anytime soon.

Uma sniffled a bit, "We missed you so much."

"I missed you guys too, more than you'll ever know."

You were finally with your people again. Now, you didn’t have to stare at a picture of the three of you, wishing they were in your arms.

[nothorses]

I think one of the ways that tranandrophobia seems to distinguish itself from the other forms of oppression it is connected to is in the way it attempts to convince you it is indistinguishable and that transmascs are always just collateral damage to everyone else's "real" problems.

One example is the very blatent tirf claim that transphobia on its own isn't real, that it is all misdirected transmisogyny, and that transmascs only experience oppression due to our association with transfemmes.

But there is also the insistence that anti abortion laws and similar things are targeted at cis women and therefore are "women's issues" - transmascs shouldn't complain about being excluded because it "isn't about us". Same with homophobia and butchphobia. Even the terf talking point that they are just protecting "little cis girls" from making irreversible mistakes pretends that actual the transmascs being harmed is just an accident and not the goal.

Trying to talk about transandrophobia is a constant stream of "It's just transphobia. It's just misogyny. No, you can't call your experiences misogyny because that isn't about you. You can't call yourself a lesbian or a butch or compare your oppression to lesbophobia. It isn't about you. Yes, terfs hurt you, but you aren't their main target. This isn't about you. Yes, you need abortions and experience medical misogyny, but you can't talk about it because this isn't about you. You were sexually assaulted because of misdirecred misogyny. Don't make it about you. You've never contributed to the history of gay men, or lesbians, or the trans community. It isn't about you. Those cross dressers weren't trans. Stop trying to make women's history about you. You can't reclaim cunt or faggot or dyke because those words aren't about you. I don't care how many times you've been called a tranny. That word isn't about you. Why must you make everything about you?"

Because sure, transmascs exist, and we might be impacted by everyone else's oppression, but it is always thought of as a theoretical consequence of what is really going on, if it is thought of at all. Transmascs are not considered to be oppressed in our own right.

This idea gives the lawmakers plausible deniability, allies an excuse to ignore us, and feeds into transmasc erasure. If we are never the actual target to begin with, then clearly, we can't be uniquely targeted. The law makers don't need to be held accountable for their transandrophobia because it isn't like they are trying to hurt transmascs, right? We need to let the real victims speak, the ones being targeted on purpose.

Nobody ever sees the way it all piles up, and even if they do, they think "well it's just an accident, right? If we fix the main problem, then this fringe issue will go away on its own" without ever considering that transandrophobia isn't as rare, fringe, or accidental as society wants it to appear and that actual effort needs to be put into dismantling it.

It isn't that they actually believe that transandrophobia isn't real. It's that they just don't believe it is about transmascs. Because even if we are the common denominator, we are still just collateral damage and could not possibly have anything of value to say. Because as collateral damage, our issues are never our own and thus never need to be discussed on our own terms.

100%. And I think this is exactly what this sort of cycle of erasure depends on.

We are erased, our problems are erased, and our oppression is erased, which means it's easy for people to ignore us, our problems, and our oppression. There's so little evidence, so few people talking about it, and they never really see or hear anyone name us in this violence, so surely, it isn't about us at all! It must be about the people they know about already, the problems they know about, and the ones who are always readily named in these conversations.

If we're speaking up, there's no reason to believe us; if anything, we come under scrutiny for trying to talk about these issues nobody else can see. We must be crazy, hysterical, whiny and overdramatic, or perhaps malicious. We're stealing attention, stealing space, and stealing help. We might be victims, but we are incidental and unworthy victims.

And ignoring us, our problems, and our oppression means we continue to be erased. Which makes it easier to ignore us, and erase us, and easier to perpetuate violence against us. And so on.

It's understandable, in a way, for people to ignore us; most people don't know about any of this in the first place, and when they do, they're not inclined to take any of it seriously. Even if they do see convincing evidence that our problems are real and worth talking about, it's easy for that to be a one-off that they eventually forget about. Everyone else is talking about everything else, so we sort of fade away.

It's not their fault; they're not trying to ignore us. They just haven't learned to recognize violence against us, and they just don't seek us out, and can they really be blamed for that? Can they really be blamed for the violence that continues because they and others don't see or try to stop it? We're so hard to find in the first place. You know, because we've been so thoroughly erased.

There are a lot of people who've been fighting this for a long time, and even more we don't-- and probably won't-- ever know about, who've been fighting for even longer. I think it's getting better; the organized backlash against us is, imo, a sign that our reach is getting stronger and wider. But it's a hard cycle to break.

[andy-wm]

On a personal note...

This is a personal story, so feel free to scroll on past (if you're only here for the Jikookery I can respect that).

I'm posting this because it's connected to what Jimin and Jungkook (specifically Jimin) may or may not be doing with this album and their travel series "Are you sure", and by that I mean coming out publicly as queer and as lovers. If it sounds vague, it is, because I don't know what they're doing yet. I don't know how far Jimin is taking this or what direction he'll go. But if he is going to make his private life public, then my post is relevant even though my experience is a microscopic spec 0f what he will encounter.

I live in a conservative little town on the edge of a big city, we're almost the last stop on the metro train line. This place has 10 000 residents and a reputation for being a little on the rough side. It's not a bad place and the people are not bad people but they won't step aside if you pick a fight, lets put it that way.

There's one high school in our little town, and I am the school librarian. I also run the school's pride club and when I started it 5 years ago (that's when I joined this school) it kicked up a bit of a stink. The community had mixed feelings. I wasn't out as trans at that point, only as queer. The school principal supported the club but wanted me to keep it quiet (I didn't). She wanted me to be appeasing (I wasn't). And when we had challenges from homophobic students, she wanted me to 'let her handle it' ( I didn't).

I responded to bigotry with patience and kindness, modelling the behaviour I expected and having many many conversations about prejudice, the patriarchy, learned behaviour, fear of the unknown, and minding your own damn business....

When I came out as trans to the school community - changing my name and pronouns - I faced some real push back from both staff and students. Students were less openly hostile but sometimes the subtle attempts at bullying are worse. My line manager was really difficult about it. I was a hot topic of conversation. It wasn't a good time. But I stuck with it, partly because I couldn't go back and partly because the Pride Club students were so empowered by what I was doing. They thought I was really brave. I couldn't let them down.

It was a tough time for me personally. Every day was a struggle as I navigated my wavering sense of identity and tried to be true to myself. Most of my family and friends were okay with it but some were not. Some flipped back and forth, some thought I had lost my mind. I had to let a few people go from my life, including one of my closest friends. I've lost a few more since then. I've cried more in the past few years than I have in my whole life and I am pretty tough, so you gotta know - it was a lot.

Fast forward to now. The pride club is well established, homophobia still exists but it's less overt and it's no longer ignored, and we have staff who are active allies. It's definitely a success. Our students to have a safe place where they can be themselves, and slow change is coming to the culture of the school.

It has come at a personal cost though. Not a HUGE personal cost but enough for it to matter. I am recognised and known around town because, well, most people in small communities know each other. But more so because of my role in the school, and because I am the only out and vocal queer person on school staff (yes, there are other LGBTQIA+ staff but they keep it quiet, and I don't really blame them).

At school i still have to correct people on my pronouns on a daily basis, and occasionally a student will throw a comment my way but it's not often these days. I have to come out to all the new staff pretty much as soon as I first meet them otherwise it's awkward. It's just an everyday thing. It's not a big deal but it's tiring, and it's something cis/straight people don't ever have to think about.

What is tough, though, is sniping from the community at large every now and again. I have been targeted on community socials and I've had had some pretty brusque service from local shop owners and service personnel in local businesses. Sometimes I see kids from school at the shops and they point me out to their parents. I pretend it's because they're happy to see me (what the fuck else am I going to do - hide in the apple crate?) They may say a friendly hello... or they may following me through the aisles of the supermarket trying to menace me - yes, that has happened - I just have to wait and see.

I do have allies in the community too - like the gorgeous pharmacist who always gets my name and pronouns right and compliments me (on whatever he can think of) every time I collect my meds. There's a stern woman in the hardware store who makes a point of loudly correcting herself when she uses the wrong pronouns (often). I appreciate this, I really do, but honestly it would be great if she could be a little quieter.

I am not a celebrity by any means, just a small town school librarian. But wherever I go in my small town - to the doctor, the supermarket, the park, or the gym - there's a chance I'll encounter someone who knows my face. Sometimes that makes me nervous.

The point of this long and boring post is to give people who may not know what it's like, a bit of insight into the experience of a regular, everyday person who lives in a conservative place and who is both recognisable and queer. It can be exhausting, and from time to time I struggle with mental health issues. So I have no doubt that for people who are really well known, it would be much, much worse. They would be the subject of public debate on news sites and TV. They'd be tossed into arguments by politicians on both sides of the divide. They'd encounter hostility in person too, and that's really frightening.

So please remember that if the celebs you admire choose NOT to come out, it's because they've weighed up their choices and that's the safest option for them. Support them where they're at, so they can live their best life under the circumstances.

If they do come out, they'll probably need even more support. Please love them, defend them, celebrate them, and validate them. They need you more than you know.

And above all else, be a good human.

PS, no need to comment here, this is purely a PSA <3

[a-polite-melody]

“Focusing on fixing sexism instead of worrying about transandrophobia is going to benefit trans men more. Also, worrying about transandrophobia instead of sexism is like discarding women and instead trying to put trans men into male privilege to fix the problem instead of fixing sexism.”

I mean.

First of all, sure, fighting sexism will help many people. Absolutely. Cis women. Trans women. Trans men.

But would you tell a trans woman to stop fighting transmisogyny because it’s only helping her and other trans women? Would you tell her that fighting for transmisogyny is counterproductive and just putting trans women in a better position instead of fixing sexism? I sure hope not! Typically people who think that way are radfems. But it’s what you’re doing to trans men in conversations about transandrophobia right now, so I’ve gotta point this out.

And also, fixing sexism doesn’t magically fix transmisogyny or transandrophobia. Discarding either conversation to “just focus on sexism” will not be beneficial overall. Just a couple quick examples: even in places where abortion is fully legal trans men will still struggle to access it, even in places where cis women have full access to a space trans women will still struggle to access it.

We don’t need to have only one conversation. Conversations about sexism, transmisogyny, and transandrophobia have to exist in tandem with one another.

And I’m definitely bringing this back around to the fact that discarding other conversations to focus on “the only actual real problem” when that “only actual real problem” is sexism also rings a lot of radfem alarm bells in my head.

[queerautism]

I remember maybe like 8 years ago we were having discussions on tumblr about exorsexism and experiences that are significantly more common to nonbinary trans folk than binary trans people, some of the ways many binary folk accidentally perpetuate exorsexism, etc. And of course there were plenty of binary trans folk who were decent! But there were a number of Very Loud binary trans folk who Did Not Like these discussions and shut them down with things like "well really no 'binary' trans people exist because none of us fit the cis (perisex implied) binary." and eventually we all just stopped talking about exorsexism.

Honestly i think we wouldn't have gone so hard now on this whole transmasc/transfem binary if we'd continued having those conversations previously.

Yeahhh I was very involved in nonbinary discourse and totally know what you mean. It's so tiring that we're still dealing with so much of this bullshit.

I don't even disagree with the concept that no trans people truly fit the standard idea of the gender binary in our cisheteronormative society. The existence of every type of trans person is an act of transgression against that socially imposed gender binary. I understand where they're coming from! But that's not what we're talking about, that's a different thing?

Imo there should be space to both understand that + understand that sometimes nonbinary people have different experiences that many binary trans sometimes don't understand.

[intersexcat-tboy]

It's so silly to think that trans men have "an easier time claiming womanhood" when "trans men can't be lesbians" and hostility as a masc in feminine spaces exist (transandrophobia includes the bigotry butches face btw, bigotry isn't limited to a specific identity)

TERFs and GCs claim to include trans men, but it's only the idea. Once they actually meet us and talk directly, they treat us as predators. Once we're there (by choice or force), they ask us to leave (often violently).

They automatically treat gay trans mascs as rapists trying to enforce conversion therapy on cis gay men.

It also ignores race, like how black women already have to fight for their rightful place and are constantly degendered and (perceived as) hypermascualized. (I often hear some black trans men talking about how they aren't women, but they are still Black Women bc Black Woman is its own expierence bc of intersections). How difficult it can be for trans mascs to get gynecologic care, from dealing with insurance to dealing with people.

I see far too many posts talking about how people often stopped talking to them, started being mean, outright losing their entire support system by being kicked out of (or ghosted from) friend + support groups.

[this-is-exorsexism]

You know, it's funny (read: annoying) for me to think about how people are getting so pushy about creating a transmasc/transfem dichotomy. It's especially funny when I recall people saying (correctly) that "trans" is an adjective. Saying how saying "cis woman" or "trans woman" is just like saying "tall woman" or "short woman". They're all women.

Nonbinary people are included under the trans flag. The white stripe is for them. Nonbinary people are "trans" people (if they want to be).

Multi-gender people very often fall under the "nonbinary" umbrella. By virtue of that, they are also "trans" people.

A multi-gender person who is both a man and a woman can technically, by grammatical definitions, be both a "trans man" and a "trans woman" simultaneously, i.e., they are both a man and a woman, and they are described by the adjective of "trans". Just like how if they were thin, they would be both a "thin man" and a "thin woman".

But Certain People wouldn't like that wording being used at all, because it stops them from being able to automatically know what (by their assumption, binary) sex you were born as, which they want to be able to do becaaaaause...? Hmmmm.

I remember once upon time, asking a nonbinary person about what they "really" are was considered extremely rude and bigoted. But now, because they want to categorise all people as either men (and therefore "upholding the patriarchy") or women (and therefore "victims of the patriarchy"), it means that nonbinary (particularly multi-gender or agender/transneutral) people who refuse to play into their bio-essentialist hands to be categorised annoy them.

And because they can't properly categorise us, they either leave the fact of our existence out of gender-related conversations entirely, or... typically, assume that we're afab, and therefore either equivalent to cis women, or to trans men, depending on whichever makes us fall into the side they feel they want to categorise us as.

(and for the people reading this at home, here's a pop quiz; have you been assuming that I, the writer of this ask, am afab? would your assumption of my birth sex change your opinion regarding my writing in any way? can you pinpoint the reason why? there's no answer provided as to what I am other than nonbinary. there is only time for internal reflection)

this is exorsexism.

yup, this is on point. so much of the new binaries created by the transgender community go back to AGAB which, as you said, is why they get so angry when people identify AFAB transgender women or both transmasc and transfem at the same time, or refuse to be categorised like this altogether.

a large part of the transgender community is just as obsessed with genitals and assigned gender at birth as cisgender people are, they have just found more acceptable ways to phrase it and it always harms nonbinary and intersex people most.

[beforetimes]

my thoughts on the trans charles headcanon!

let me just start off by saying i love it. just to make that 100% clear at the beginning of this.

ok i think that charles being a trans man would change his relationship with the characters in the movies + his relationship with his mutation in the films as well. for one, i think that his first encounter with raven would hold more weight. because raven would be his first look at someone like him—a mutant—but also his first look at someone who was able to defy gender norms in a way he was unfamiliar with. i'd imagine that as a child he would be so isolated that he would assume his feelings in wanting to be anyone but himself [pre-transition] were inherent to everyone. and encountering raven changed that perspective but also drove home the fact that his expression of himself didn't change who he innately was. as raven changes how she looks frequently but at the end of the day, is still raven. i feel he would get his first realization that, ah, just because i look like a girl doesn't mean that i am one.

(i also like to imagine that his telepathy would be a tool for him to use before he's given access to the resources he needs to medically transition. it would work as a way to help along his social transition, maybe by subtly changing people's surface level perception of him if they were interacting in his youth. when he grows older and he does have the ability to medically transition, he would stop purposely affecting people's perception of him but that habit would be so engrained that it would subtly colour his interactions with the general public unconciously.)

anyway, i think the way this plays into his relationship with his sexuality would be fun, too! the flings he's implied to have in first class are obviously just superficial (as he repeats the same routine to pick up girls multiple times). we could argue is his version of comphet, if we're assuming he's gay, but the way he was raised makes him want to strive to be the person his parents wanted him to be. or the relationship of his sexuality with his gender identity and how he feels slightly invalid in his dual identity as a gay and trans man, because, to him (with internalized queerphobia), he would assume he's just taking extra steps to come around to liking men as a cis women.

besides that i think his relationship with erik would also change. because, like, i like to work with the idea of erik being a bisexual man (as he does have a relationship with a woman a decade long in canon and i'm not opposed to it in the context of the story) but him still interacting with charles as a man would still be pretty validating to charles. because, i imagine in first class, charles would still be welcome to float around the periphery of erik's thoughts (as erik wasn't opposed to charles' mutation as most people try to say he is—as far as i remember, erik lets charles into his head during first class multiple times without becoming angry!) and charles would see (at least on the surface level) that erik's attraction to him isn't because he sees him as a woman but moreso that despite being attracted to both men and women he still respects charles' identity as a man and builds a relationship in that context.

i have more thoughts about this that i'll probably add to later but this is just a summary of a conversation i had with someone in my discord server that i thought had enough substance to make into a proper post. thanks for reading!

[cerastes]

Do you feel there are people whom you would agree with politically, whom you consider allies, but they have a really tiresome philosophy?

A worldview where the world is cleanly divided into "oppressed" and "oppressors", where someone is born into one category and can never leave it no matter what they do, and that is it morally superior to be "oppressed" even if that means vilifying any attempt to succeed at life. And they spend less energy on improving the world than on policing speech, and dividing humanity into smaller and smaller collections of combined traits to find new levels of virtue and sinfulness.

What if that defeatist, joyless paradigm is what "other people" call Wokeness?

Mm see, the thing is, yes, I do feel this way with some people, but I also try to temper my feelings on the subject matter based on lived experience, or lack thereof.

What I mean by that is that, in terms of privilege, I have it pretty good: I'm straight, male, cis, without any major disabilities, and I've never faced the possibility of going seriously hungry -- understanding "seriously hungry" as a complete and absolute impossibility of affording a meal no matter how squalid it is -- or homeless at any point of my life.

I've had hardships, for sure, but they have been of a distinctly different nature than the ones we are talking about, with distinctly different consequences. I've never been threatened to be ostracized or killed by my community based on my identity.

On one hand, yeah, I have no interest in people who spouse so intimately these topics to the point it permeates everything they do and say and think. They are, as you said, tiresome. I in fact have stopped talking to some friends who are like that altogether, because I have my own concerns, my own hardships, and most importantly, when I am on my free time, I don't want to listen to the 60th complaint about westerners this and cis people that in any particular day. It doesn't delegitimize whatever valid complaints they have, but, and here's the important part, I don't have to be there for it. I already know these things. Do they bear repeating for the 60th time? See, if they do for anyone in particular, that's fine, but they gotta find the other people that are there for that for the 60th time, that isn't me. Or in other words, I also have a responsibility to not be there for that, and find people that aren't going to do that.

I think actions speak louder than words, so, I try to live my life according to my beliefs, and I respect people that do this as well. Conversely, yapping on and on about something, no matter how important it is, is hollow to me if you aren't backing it up with concrete actions. You can say incredible things in social media or even privately in chat, but also, are you doing something for your community -- in an offline space or an online space -- besides this? Using Tumblr specifically as an example, I have a lot of LGBTQ+ and/or leftist friends IRL that actively participate for the benefit of their respective communities, with tangible actions, and they don't really respect Tumblr because a lot of talk is just talk to them. Conversation isn't unnecessary, mind you, but it can't all remain in Saying The Correct Things So I Can Be On The Moral High Ground. The moral high ground by itself is so useless, lmao, ok buddy you are up there, now what else are you going to do besides reminding us you walked up the stairs? Show me something concrete. Concrete can also be engaging in actual productive conversation rather than repeating the same points over and over to your online audience that already agrees with you.

You know how Mormons and stuff go door by door not as a means to actually convert but instead to build even more dependency on the group by showing them how hostile the rest of the world is? It's kinda like that. Echo chambers are not to my liking.

But.

But.

Here's where we circle back up there. I've not lived a life of oppression. So I think to myself, "man, I've not gone through that, maybe I'd be like that too if I did?" and, putting aside the entire point of Doing Stuff Instead Of Just Saying Stuff, sometimes we do need to Say Stuff. It relieves the weight on our shoulders, decompresses us, it's an important part of it, and maybe some people need to perpetually do that to decompress.

So, I try to see it from another angle: I just don't gotta be there. I know where I stand, and I act according to what I believe is right. Anyone that can vouch for me will do so, I believe, not because of what I preach, but from how I've behaved. And that's what I'll keep doing, Doing Stuff instead of endlessly saying stuff. If there's people that want to endlessly say stuff, it's not really my problem, and instead of I'll simply look for people that Do and Say simultaneously.

TL;DR -> Yes but I don't care too much because it's people I make a point not to be around in the first place, and at the same time, my experience and reality is vastly different so I can only be respectful of those with less ingrained privilege than me in how they go about their tribulations. Does that make sense to you?

[messrsrarchives]

i JUST yapped about this on tiktok and i'm instantly here because oh my GOD.

(spoiler warning for heartstopper season 3 - episode 6)

ELLE AND TRANS ACTIVISM!? ELLE'S FUCKING STORYLINE!?

i'm crying and i haven't stopped crying.

i'm talking about the bit where she is brought on the radio to discuss her art. she's doing something that she enjoys, she's given a space to talk about it, and they make it about the trans "debate" (p.s bonus mention to "trans people aren't a debate, we're human beings")

i'm talking about elle LEAVING THE ROOM. and how fucking powerful and important and COMFORTING that is.

to have a trans person leave the room.

to have it shown that we don't all want to be activists, and you shouldn't expect us to. that we shouldn't need to be. to have media representation of a trans person choosing peace, and choosing what's best for her.

to have them specifically mention that a cis person was on the last show, and said transphobic things about same-sex spaces. to have it mentioned that the cis peson went first, and elle was brought on as a rebuttal. that she already had less power in this "debate" because they allowed someone with more respect in society, who isn't even part of the discussion, who wouldn't even understand the complexities of existing publicly as a trans person, to go first.

and to have her still. leave. the. room.

i've been on the radio nine times.

only three of nine discussions that i've had have been aired. why? because only three of them were meant to be about my identity. because that wasn't what i was there to talk about. it wasn't relevant.

and then to link it to everything now? to link it to all the massive discussions i've been having recently in this space? i'm sobbing.

trans people do not need to be activists. and i personally enjoy it! i enjoy talking about it - i hate that i have to, but i personally do enjoy being a loud activist (not that this is activism but yk, in my wider life) - but...

she came onto a space to talk about something she enjoyed, and ended up having to defend her right to exist.

and she left the room.

because the cis person went first. because that wasn't what she wanted to talk about. because it's exhausting having these conversations day in day out.

and most importantly, because she didn't have to speak on it.

and then, let's talk about the fact that she was only asked because she now had "influence". that her voice only matters now because she's "big", and it's insignificant otherwise. that a trans person with any kind of traction needs to be an activist - which we see SO much in the media! we see it so much online! that any successful trans person needs to be loud and active. that she was questioned about the meaning of her art only in the context of a political discussion on her right to exist.

so she left the room.

trans people do not need to be activists and they shouldn't be expected to be, and oh my GOD i'm so glad that we have that representation.

[foundfamilywhump]

serious word of warning about a server that's been making the rounds

i've debated about making this post a lot, for a lot of reasons. i'm concerned about making it as a trans person and as a relatively new blog, though i've been involved in the whump community for years. i hope you'll hear me out and i'm not looking forward to whatever backlash may come my way, should anyone actually pay attention to this at all.

the short version is: the whump discord server 'whump lovers collaborate' (@/whumplovers-collaborate) is unsafe and hostile to trans people and the server owner will not take action to shut down transphobia, nor will she allow her mod team to do so. i am certain this would apply to other bigotries as well. i know this because i am trans, and when i called out some disgustingly transphobic commentary being made by a member of the server i was blamed for causing drama, essentially, and there was a rule added to the server not to talk about 'controversial topics' or get into arguments, and that was all that was done.

the much longer version is under the cut. i just can't sit on this anymore after seeing that the server got advertised in the whumptober server (to no fault of the whumptober mods who didn't know about any of this, they're fine) and also seeing hundreds of notes on posts broadcasting it. this server is unsafe for trans people and the server owner is actively enabling bigots. given the whump community has a bit of a transphobia problem in some places, i wanted to make sure no trans person or ally was unwittingly walking into that without warning. i'd appreciate it if you would spread the word as well, to keep trans community members and allies safe.

so, here's what happened:

i was in the whump lovers collaborate server for a while earlier this year. in february, a member of the server started spouting off some extremely transphobic rhetoric, including talking about inherent biological differences between men and women, that women are inherently and unchangeably weaker than men, that men have a 'biological instinct' to protect women, and other things. (there was also some bizarre commentary about how abuse or assault committed against men was inherently less upsetting, and often funny to witness because of this).

seeing this and being unwilling, as both a trans person and someone who believes it is important to not let bigotry go unchallenged, i stepped in and called out these statements for being both factually untrue and steeped in both misogyny and transphobia. this person and i went around and around in circles as he asked 'genuine questions' which were just thinly veiled excuses to continue needling me on the subject. eventually, i shut it down by saying that this was not the appropriate venue for a transphobic cis person to get educated about the nuance of the trans experience and trans issues, but what he was saying was transphobic and he needed to stop now that he'd been told that.

throughout this interaction, mods were emoji-reacting and responding to other things. at no point did any mod step in to help me or shut down the transphobia or at all intervene in what was happening. after i shut things down for good, one of the mods said 'thanks for keeping everything respectful' which was a truly laughable thing to have said in that situation.

after this, the server owner made an announcement that said, among a few other things about Not Fighting: "Friendly reminder that we are all here because of what we have in common, our love of writing We are not here to debate controversial issues Or say harmful opinions If you cannot hold a conversation without being civil and without escalating conflict, back away from the channel, and cool down All involved in a conflict are responsible for turning a chill space sour No matter how right you think you are (I’m not saying no mention of controversial things is allowed per se, I’m saying be civil, if that means avoiding controversial topics, avoid away)"

this is not an appropriate response to one person espousing blatant transphobia (among other disgusting views) and being called on it. a rule was added that if a mod or the server owner asked you to change the subject from a topic, you had to do so immediately and there should be no more discussion of it 'by any of the participants'. no rule was present to begin with making clear that bigotry was not tolerated, nor was one added.

subsequently, the server owner made it clear she had no interest in protecting marginalized community members, and that she blamed me for what happened because i refused to allow rampant transphobia to proceed unchecked.

when either asked by other server members about what happened or when asking server members who left why they left (which is a weird thing to do on its own) the server owner responded by essentially throwing a fit and asking what she was supposed to do? kick the transphobe out? she whined about how the person saying something should be done about the transphobe was assuming that she hadn't already done anything.

(she also said that she hadn't done anything. the person was not warned, muted, banned, there were no consequences. but she whined about the assumption that she hadn't done anything about it.)

she also said that it wasn't just the transphobe's fault. "[transphobe] was not the only one at fault there in that others contributed to the conflict by engaging them, drawing out more of their unpleasant opinions. If I punished [problem person] alone, the others might think that they were in the right" that is a direct quote from the server owner. i was clearly the person she was speaking about, and she refused to enforce consequences on the transphobe because that might lead to me thinking that it was okay to call out transphobia and protect myself and other trans people in that space.

when i spoke to a few of the other mods about what happened, the response was disappointing, to put it mildly. the mod team had apparently tried to argue with her and get her to enforce a no bigotry policy but she was afraid of causing arguments and didn't want to deal with conflict, and so refused to do so. this is not acceptable behaviour for someone who is in charge of such a large space. you cannot be this conflict-averse and also run a server of hundreds of people, especially if the outcome is protecting bigots.

the mods i spoke to also got defensive and upset when i pointed out that by not expressing disagreement with the owner's actions and by throwing up their hands and saying 'oh well, nothing we can do!' they were also tacitly endorsing transphobia and a community that protects transphobes at the expense of trans people. they were unwilling to do anything in the moment, and failed to do anything after the fact either.

i have screenshots and proof of all of these events, but i didn't add them here bc i didn't want to make this even longer. please feel free to contact me directly if you would like any further information or to see proof of what i have mentioned here.

in short:

please do not join this server. you will not be protected there, as the server owner cares more about making it as big and as popular as possible than she does about keeping her server bigot-free. please do not promote this server or allow this server to be promoted in your own spaces either. please do your part to keep trans people in the whump community safe.

[boreal-sea]

"zionists are jews" damn i wasnt aware joe biden and donald trump were jews, you learn new things every day

I am going to approach this in good faith that you simply aren’t aware that non-Jews can’t be Zionists.

It sounds like you’ve been listening to non-Jews calling other non-Jews “Zionist”, and you’ve been seeing the way non-Jews define “Zionist”, and then you sent me this Ask, because you genuinely didn’t know that non-Jews can’t be Zionists.

Zionism is a Jewish belief, for Jewish people, by Jewish people, and ONLY for Jewish people.

Zionism is the Jewish belief in Jewish self-determination in the Jewish homeland of Israel. It is a Jewish land-back movement, a Jewish repatriation movement. Non-Jews cannot be Zionists.

Neither Trump nor Biden are Jewish, therefore, they are not Zionists. They may support the idea of a Jewish homeland the same way cis people can be allies to trans people. But being a trans ally doesn’t make you trans.

The problem is that a lot of non-Jews are culturally appropriating the term, violently perverting its meaning, and using it as a slur. It’s extremely upsetting, and the people doing this are wrong. These people, who at not Jewish and who have NO right to use a Jewish word, are going around calling other non-Jews Zionists as a slur, as a box they can put people they don’t like into, so they don’t have to listen to them anymore.

And now that you know non-Jews can’t be Zionists, you can see how insidious this truly becomes. A non-Jew calling another non-Jew a Zionist is their attempt at shutting down the conversation by calling that person the worst things they can think of:

A Jew — or an ally to Jews. And being Jewish or an ally of Jews right now makes you a pariah.

So my genuine, good-faith advice, is to stop listening to people who use Zionist as a slur, especially if they’re calling non-Jews Zionists. The people doing this are are stealing a word that does not belong to them, destroying its true meaning, and then turning around and using it as a weapon. They really are not good people.