ihavenomouthandimustmouth - Tumblr blog

[ihavenomouthandimustmouth]

I think we need to sit down and talk about malgendering.

Not misgendering, malgendering.

We all know what misgendering means. Misgendering is when a trans person (or to be honest, even a cis person) has their gender denied to them in some fashion by implying, suggesting or outright stating that their gender is actually Something Else and not the one they identify as.

e.g. A trans woman being told she cannot attend a certain class because it's 'just for women'.

Malgendering is when the trans persons gender is not questioned or denied and may even be affirmed - but only in a context in which it can be used against them in some fashion (to make judgements on them as a person, to exclude them from something, to incite bigotry towards them etc).

e.g. That same trans woman taking her shirt off on a hot day and being arrested for indecent exposure.

This is misgendering;- "You're not a woman, you're a man." This is malgendering;- "Trans women are women, so obviously they exist to serve men."* *obvs it is also transmisogyny and all malgendering is transphobia.

But what you don't want to hear is that malgendering is a form of transphobia mainly used against trans masculine people and nonbinary people.

Most people recognise malgendering when it's;

Using the term 'theyfab' to ridicule an agender person or making jokes about how an agender they/them user looks (to you) to be a completely cis woman.

But you need to look out for how;

Malgendering is treating trans men like their transition has turned them into women-hating predators because of your own predjudices towards men/trans man were always inherently women-hating predators because maleness is what makes you those things not your actual thoughts, words and actions.

Malgendering is not listening to how trans masc people are marginalised 'because men aren't oppressed though' as if that's not ignoring a huge part of their identity (the being trans part) and how that works.

Malgendering is telling trans men 'this is just what it's like to be a man, people treat you like shit and you have to take it or not transition'.

Malgendering is insisting that any trans man who calls any attention to the fact that he is indeed, trans, and has/had female anatomy and faces misogyny due to being raised and still perceived (by transphobes) as a woman is misgendering himself, all other trans men and 'weaponising his AFABness'

All of this is transphobia. All of this is bigotry. This kind of predjudice and bullying doesn't magically become 'OK' once you find the 'right' group to do it to. You either want to end bigotry and transphobia and identity-specific targetted hate or you want to perpetuate it. But you can't call yourself a trans ally, or escape the bigotry allegations whilst malgendering people. And no you're not being sneaky by slipping in your hateful predjudice comments and actions whilst validating their gender.

Malgendering is transphobia.

[ihavenomouthandimustmouth]

Being forcefully raised as a woman is not any less traumatic and emotionally repressive as being forcefully raised as a man. Femininity is not inherently pure and safe. Coercing someone to perform femininity is not any less toxic than coerced masculinity. Being dysphoric around femininity or having trauma from women doesn’t make you a misogynist.

[ihavenomouthandimustmouth]

You won’t find much old literature about “girls who wanted to be boys” bc the ppl who would have written them were more often than not institutionalized & the books that have been written have often been recontexualized as feminist lit about “women divesting from gender norms”.

Dreaming of a world where people see transmasc erasure not as transmascs + men complaining about not being popular online and more about the deliberate and intentional burying of our history and existence as a whole.

[ihavenomouthandimustmouth]

If your apology involves degrading yourself, calling yourself shit or insulting yourself, its not an apology, try again.

[ihavenomouthandimustmouth]

If you see some trans women being shitheads to trans men and decide to go "see it's true they are socialised male" you are wrong, transmisogynistic, and still spreading bioessentialism and terf rhetoric. Just to make that extremely clear since I literally saw someone using this argument today.

You are not helping trans men, you are not helping anyone, your ideas are awful and your analysis of the situation is worthless.

[ihavenomouthandimustmouth]

since shes still calling everyone in this thread stupid but made the post unrebloggable i thought id help pass around the post more because its an excellent example of the blatant lack of regard for trans mascs as an oppressed group that is so prevalent on this website

[ihavenomouthandimustmouth]

Trans men prioritizing our issues is not anti-feminist. Trans men prioritizing our needs, our rights, and our activism is not anti-feminist.

Think about when you're on an airplane, and you're told to always put on your oxygen mask first before helping others. If you do not put on your mask first, you'll pass out before you can assist anyone.

We are responsible for meeting our own needs, so that we can then help others! I can't help my fellow trans people if I'm beaten and bloodied on the ground. I can't always be expected to put other people first, in all situations, when I need help.

A lot of feminism has always been about centering women, and centering women's rights first, with men's issues coming secondary. And that's great, women should prioritize themselves, for the same reasons as above.

But that doesn't make it anti-feminist for me, as a man, to prioritize my issues. When trans men work together to uplift our voices and community, it gives us the power to support feminism, women, and other trans people. But we can't do that if we're being kicked to the ground by others, being told that our issues always come second, that they matter less, that we should always put others first.

There is a time and place for us to decenter ourselves. Once we're up off the ground, once have a support network, once we have a community behind us. Then we can safely put our issues to the side and prioritize others. Then we can focus on people who need that same support. But I can't secure your mask if my oxygen's running out.

[ihavenomouthandimustmouth]

I think the “girls transition to be men because it’s easier” thing is wild. Like yeah, it’s easier to be a cis man than a cis woman. But I am not a cis man. Although I would not go back, at no point has presenting as a transmasculine person in society been easier than presenting as a cis woman in society (for me, at least). I did not get to “escape” misogyny when I came out—it’s been all the same misogyny with added transphobia and cissexism. If not for my internal feelings about my gender identity and dysphoria, it would be significantly easier for me to have continued identifying as a cis woman.

[ihavenomouthandimustmouth]

And another thing about the whole "trans mascs only make whiny sad boy ukulele music"

Like, we all know they're about Cavetown in like 2015-2020. So 1) Cavetowns music isn't really like that anymore. And 2) Cavetown was not unique in that style of music. Do these people not remember how popular "sad boy ukulele" music was in the mid to late 20-teens? Especially in indie music circles? But yeah, I'm sure there's absolutely nothing transphobic behind Cavetown being the one getting singled out for it.

[ihavenomouthandimustmouth]

[ihavenomouthandimustmouth]

Idk what trans man needs to hear this but you're NOT evil or disgusting for being a man. You do NOT have to suffer for the sins of the patriarchy committed by cis dudes. Being a man doesn't invalidate the misogyny you experienced growing up or experience now. Being a man doesn't mean you deserve to be isolated. Being a man doesn't mean you're inherently predatory or scary. You didn't "choose" this, and finding your true self is NOT "betraying the community" because you happen to be a man and/or masculine rather than a woman and/or feminine. You ARE allowed to be upset when people "affirm" your gender by malgendering you.

You DO deserve a community that uplifts you. You DO deserve to experience trans joy. You DO deserve to have your voices heard and your struggles recognized. Wanting the bare minimum of solidarity is NOT "making everything about trans men".

[ihavenomouthandimustmouth]

Thinking about those claims that “trans women have to spend hours getting ready to pass but trans men just have to throw on a hoodie” while reading this full chapter about how to pass as a trans guy in Lou Sullivan’s book. Much of it requires being very wealthy to get the right clothes (and wear nothing colorful and fun). Some of the other advice is to cut out sideburns, shave your peach fuzz, darken your eyebrows/use makeup to make you look older and more masc, work out to combat thin arms and “dainty” hands, keep fingernails short, and of course bind and pack properly. There’s a lot of advice about body language and acting masc. And man does it hit as someone a couple years on T that still rarely gets gendered properly even by people who know I’m trans and try their best.

[ihavenomouthandimustmouth]

As of today I've officially read every post in the transandrophobia tag for an entire year--in addition to running a discord server on the topic for six months--so I feel I have some amount of insight into the term and the little community we seem to have been building around it.

I've seen people stumbling into the discussion and having their mental health immediately wrecked, so I want to share a few quick and basic reminders/lessons I needed to hear a year ago.

You're not a transmisogynist for using the word transandrophobia. You're not an MRA or a TERF either and it's messed up to call you those things. I used to question myself constantly about these things, but I've also now spent hours looking at what real MRAs and TERFs believe and it is nowhere near my beliefs.

You're allowed to take up space. In physical spaces of course--your presence isn't a threat just because you're a man/masc--but also in discussions of feminism and transphobia. It isn't talking over women to share your experiences as a trans person. You experience gendered oppression and it's okay to talk about it.

People lie about us constantly. I'm always hearing things like we think trans women oppress us or so and so in the discussion said something transmisogynistic; do not take these claims at face value, look into them yourself or ask someone who has done so.

Stereotyping us is bigotry plain and simple. That includes considering us more aggressive, annoying, self-centered, toxic, attention-seeking, and misogynistic compared to other groups.

Sexism can very much target men and mascs. If you've been defining transandrophobia as solely an intersection of transphobia and misogyny, I implore you to just look up sexism to see how it can affect nonnormative men. I can give examples.

We have allies! When I found the discussion and saw the vitriol and violent threats directed at us I felt hopeless and alone, but now I know there are plenty of trans women and fems who support me having language. You'll find your people.

I have more to say and I'd be happy to talk to anyone new to the discussion, just reach out.

[ihavenomouthandimustmouth]

Being a trans dude is like being Schrodinger’s man. I’m a guy when it can be used against me and a woman when it can be used against me, but I’m never “trans” to these transandrophobic fucks

[ihavenomouthandimustmouth]

genuinely if you see people talking about transmasc erasure as inherently a dogwhistle you just hate transmascs. and im not even saying that as an insult i mean you have decided, consciously or subconsciously, that transmascs are your enemy, untrustworthy, lying, dangerous, and you will see anything we say or do through a warped bigoted lens. that is not healthy. im sorry if a transmasc hurt you but us being systemically silenced is not fucking about you, actually. do some personal growth and realize how gross it is that you can't see your own siblings pain without accusing them of stealing the spotlight of suffering.

[ihavenomouthandimustmouth]

if you’re a transfeminist writing about transfeminism, as one does, and you make sure to specify trans women as different from cis women but don’t do the same for trans men you’re actually deeply not serious and no one should be listening to you

[ihavenomouthandimustmouth]

**HELLO LGBTQ COMMUNITY WORLDWIDE,**🌈

Today marks **5 years and 8 months** since I was forced into exile. My name is Calvin, and my journey has been anything but easy. At just 17, my family in Uganda disowned me and nearly killed me when they discovered I was transgender. Since then, I've faced all kinds of persecution—bullets, beatings, and fire.

Now, I find myself in Gorom camp in South Sudan, still standing and still fighting. But I am not alone. Alongside me are hundreds of other LGBTQ refugees, each with their own stories of survival and resilience. We share the same challenges, the same pain, and the same hope for a better future.

I want the world to know that we are still here, still existing, still resisting. The persecution we face has not ended—it has evolved. We are not just calling for attention; we are calling for action. We need your support, your help, and your voice to amplify ours.

Please, don’t hesitate to reach out. Reblog, share, and like this post. Let our stories be heard, and let the world know that we will not be silenced.

Thank you for your support.🌈🏳️‍⚧️