ihavenomouthandimustmouth

[ihavenomouthandimustmouth]

trans women do not only start to experience oppression or harassment when they start to present as women, and trans men do not stop experiencing oppression or harassment when they start to present as men. when you exist outside the status quo of the sex and gender binaries you experience these things constantly through your whole life, both before and after transitioning. the idea that trans women were "socialized male" and so grew up not experiencing sexism is bullshit. the idea that trans men have as much privilege as cis men and get to just stop experiencing sexism when they transition is also bullshit. both these statements are transphobic and are meant to diminish our experiences

[ihavenomouthandimustmouth]

I Won't Hurt You

[ihavenomouthandimustmouth]

I notice sometimes in queer and feminist spaces the idea of "this group is generally given more leniency and privileges in wider society; it's okay for us to be critical or even a little nasty to them because anywhere else they'd be praised". and that's understandable, i think. when you have real issues with men and how men act, it's ok to express that and to mock mens behavior. cis men who are generally praised and celebrated in society should be able to take some mean jokes or criticisms and accept they're not always going to be lauded.

but since queer and feminist spaces are generally more accepting of trans people and the wider society is not, this is also projected on to trans men. "trans men are men" was an affirming statement to our validity, but that was interpreted as "since trans men are men, and men are celebrated by society, I get to be a little nasty to them because the rest of society worships men. they can take it."

but the rest of society doesn't have that same level of trans acceptance. they don't see trans men as men, they see trans men as mentally ill, broken, mutilated women. so it's absolutely aggravating when we turn to queer and feminist spaces for solidarity, we face the same reactive nastiness cis men get and are told "come on, trans men are men. you are celebrated in society. you can take it." and when we look at the rest of society there's no celebration. there's only more nastiness and cruelty. so how can we "take it" when we have no community that accepts us and treats us without mockery? we don't have the shelter of acceptance that cis men have in the status quo, and sometimes we can't find a small umbrella of acceptance in queer communities either.

to be honest, I think a lot of people view trans men as a safe punching bag to vent their frustrations with men. you can mistreat a trans man and he's probably not going to fight you back since he's already so beat down. you can feel like you put a man in his place, you can feel like you're resisting the patriarchy. but all you did was act cruel to a marginalized person. and you know if you treated a cis man like that you might be putting yourself in danger, cos he might not take it lying down and he might not care as much about your wellbeing!

trans men are men, but trans men are not cis men. cis men are lauded and celebrated in society as long as they conform to the gender roles that were placed on them at birth. and this privilege is extremely conditional and not equally spread between men of different sexualities, races, ethnicities, ability, age, etc; trans men and intersex men are thrown to the side completely. I understand needing to vent about men. trans men do it too. but a persistent attitude of resentment and cruelty towards all men, including trans men, is not activism. all you do is push marginalized men out of the only communities they belong

[ihavenomouthandimustmouth]

If you search a trans mans blog and the only posts he's shared on trans femininity or nonbinary people are negative...that's a red flag.

if you search a trans womans blog and the only posts she's shared on trans masculinity or nonbinary people are negative...that's a red flag

if you search a nonbinary person's blog and their only posts about trans men and women are negative...that's a red flag

sometimes, we come on here and see intracommunity fighting. and it hurts. it fucking hurts to see other trans people echo the things cis people say. but. the only people who benefit from you deciding the only okay trans people are ones just like you are the fucking bigots. do not buy into it. terfs and general transphobes will exploit it.

[ihavenomouthandimustmouth]

[Tiktok user Clairrorism]

[ihavenomouthandimustmouth]

if your primary source of information on transmascs is by anyone else but a transmasc, it's not a reliable resource. it's currently viewed as perfectly okay for everyone BUT transmascs to talk about our experience- and in fact, it's encouraged for people to listen to everyone but us, because according to other people we're unreliable narrators, we "skew the truth," we "lie", that transmascs "already have too much space and too many people talking about transmasc issues", and that testosterone turns us into "irrational monsters".

i get it: people's internalized misogyny makes them treat us like we're too stupid to relay our own lived experiences because we're just "dumb, confused women." we get it- your misogyny is palpable. it morphs into a new, heinous experience- transandrophobia- once people begin telling us testosterone makes us evil, antimasculism begins to bleed into the misogyny that built this experience and turns it into something even more insideous.

people will do everything in their power to listen to everyone else talk about our experience, but when it comes to us advocating for ourselves, that's not allowed. everyone wants to speak for us, to tell us what their perception on transmasculinity is based off of a few passing experiences with transmascs so they "know what it's all about".

please seek out transmasculine people to listen to about our lived experience. everyone who attempts to speak for us has an agenda. don't listen to anyone but the source. outside speculation has no place when it comes to discussing the transmasculine experience, especially when it comes to saving young transmascs from feeling lost and totally alone

no one can tell our stories but us. stop being okay with people who aren't transmasc spreading lies about what we live through. our experiences need to be heard. let us speak for ourselves. stop putting words in our mouths and telling US how we live our lives

[ihavenomouthandimustmouth]

something that bothers me that i have a hard time articulating is the trend of saying "you just hate women" to trans men

something i see a lot when transmascs stand up and have respect for ourselves is accusations of hating women. frankly it seems like a lot of people have not unpacked that we don't transition because we hate women, we transition because a lot of us (not all, but a lot) don't want to be women. here's your obligatory "but of course there are misogynist trans men out there! i have to say this because otherwise someone could say i hate women and want to downplay their struggles. you know, the exact thing i'm talking about in this post"

either way sometimes people understand misogyny is not stored in the gender and then are extra pissed when a trans man is a misogynist. he shouldn't be, that's shitty, but his misogyny is treated like a betrayal worse than a cis person's misogyny.*

it feels like people want transmascs to be these ultra educated feminists who sit and listen and never speak up about our individual issues (this applies to transfeminine and intersex people too). it's really frustrating to try to talk about double standards and things wrong with the world due to the patriarchy, toxic masculinity, and other intersecting factors (race, age, disability, etc.) and get told "shut up you just hate women" ???? it is not the fault of women that the issues we talk about exist and we say that, but i guess if you believe hard enough that anyone who uses the word transandrophobia hates women, that will magically make it true

*this also happens to transfems a lot. if you've ever cracked down on a transfem for saying something you would let slide from a cis person, examine that

[ihavenomouthandimustmouth]

Hey, cis women who say "I wish I was a man but definitely not a trans way, haha! I would never be a man :)"

I say this with all the gentleness in my heart: It is okay for you to be a man. If you want to be a man, you can just be one. You also don't have to stop being a woman to be a man. Multigender people exist. You can be a man and a woman at the same time. Or you can be just a man, or a non-binary man, or non-binary, or something entirely different. You can do and be whatever you want and whatever makes you happy.

Becoming a man is not a betrayal of womanhood and feminism. And everyone who makes you feel like it is an absolute asshole, and you should not ever listen to them. You do not have to push your own happiness aside for other peoples' comfort.

If you want to be a man, try it out! See where it gets you. Maybe it turns out that you really weren't trans, or not a trans man but something else entirely, and that's fine, too. Maybe it turns out you are a trans man. In any case, following those thoughts might get you to a happier and better place in the end. And if you turn out to be happier as a man than you were as a woman, that is wonderful.

Please don't feel forced to stay a cis woman for feminism - any feminism that mistreats or hates trans men and transmasculine people is bad feminism. Being a trans man or transmasc is not a moral failure.

Trans manhood and masculinity are wonderful, and you deserve happiness. And if you find that happiness in manhood/masculinity, you don't deserve to be shamed or harassed for it, and you should not be made to feel the need to put yourself down for it, either.

[ihavenomouthandimustmouth]

Trans allyship leaving y’all’s body the moment a trans man has a unique relationship with masculinity/manhood and doesn’t want to look like a cis man

[ihavenomouthandimustmouth]

“you're on T to look like yourself

i'm on T to look like myself

take my hand

we will walk into darkness together, and there we will find ourselves

the light shining from within us will illuminate our path

i love you, brother”

i love you, brother

[ihavenomouthandimustmouth]

More of you need to realize that nobody in the queer community inherently "has it worse" because of their identity. The way circumstances surrounding individuals are ignored is baffling to me.

"All [x group] has it worse than [y group]" statements and beliefs are always false.

"Under the same circumstances someone of [x group] would have it worse than someone of [y group]" just completely ignores the fact that we are NOT all living under the same circumstances. It's a pointless hypothetical in most cases.

I can confidently say the cisgender gay man in a country that executes people for being gay has it far worse than me, a genderqueer & visibly intersex gnc person who lives in the imperial core and has a gaggle of queer friends who deeply care about me.

What about trans teens whose parents are violent bigots? What about intersex people who are not visibly intersex and live as cis people without issue? What about trans people with easy acess to HRT and undyingly supportive families who live in queer-friendly places? What about cis lesbians who have been subject to 'corrective' SA, what about bisexuals who are homeless bc they have been disowned by their families for alleged promiscuity? What about asexuals in countries where marriage and sex is legally required of them?

If you are even reading this post, that means you have a device, internet acess, and time to waste looking at social media, all of which are signs to me that you're doing a lot better than a lot of people whose voices are absent from platforms like this.

[ihavenomouthandimustmouth]

No you don’t understand me calling you afab isn’t me calling you female it’s me just referring to an event that happened in your life - where you were assigned female. Don’t question why I never call you a man only a “afab trans person”. I’m not misgendering you and if you think I am then you have internalized transphobia you need to work out.

[ihavenomouthandimustmouth]

alert alert a trans man expressed enjoyment in being a man for a moment and didn’t feel sorry about it y’all gotta do something about it how dare he say “men are cool” without stating he knows oppression and patriarchy exists and he’s sorry before that

[ihavenomouthandimustmouth]

can we please stop calling transmascs twinks just because theyre transmasc. please

[ihavenomouthandimustmouth]

anyway thank you for every trans person who isnt a trans man or transmasculine whove listened to me and to other tmascs abt this shit. like seriously thank you. ill fight for our community until my everything is bloody. i hate the fact that i keep thinking 'i hope the rest of the trans community would do the same for me' bc it should be a given. we should be able to trust each other when it matters, as activists in the same corner. idk its a really fuckin shitty feeling to feel and an equally shitty-feeling thought to have. i dont wish this kinda isolation on anyone, though i also know its an excruciatingly common experience for all trans folks

[ihavenomouthandimustmouth]

I think we need to sit down and talk about malgendering.

Not misgendering, malgendering.

We all know what misgendering means. Misgendering is when a trans person (or to be honest, even a cis person) has their gender denied to them in some fashion by implying, suggesting or outright stating that their gender is actually Something Else and not the one they identify as.

e.g. A trans woman being told she cannot attend a certain class because it's 'just for women'.

Malgendering is when the trans persons gender is not questioned or denied and may even be affirmed - but only in a context in which it can be used against them in some fashion (to make judgements on them as a person, to exclude them from something, to incite bigotry towards them etc).

e.g. That same trans woman taking her shirt off on a hot day and being arrested for indecent exposure.

This is misgendering;- "You're not a woman, you're a man." This is malgendering;- "Trans women are women, so obviously they exist to serve men."* *obvs it is also transmisogyny and all malgendering is transphobia.

But what you don't want to hear is that malgendering is a form of transphobia mainly used against trans masculine people and nonbinary people.

Most people recognise malgendering when it's;

Using the term 'theyfab' to ridicule an agender person or making jokes about how an agender they/them user looks (to you) to be a completely cis woman.

But you need to look out for how;

Malgendering is treating trans men like their transition has turned them into women-hating predators because of your own predjudices towards men/trans man were always inherently women-hating predators because maleness is what makes you those things not your actual thoughts, words and actions.

Malgendering is not listening to how trans masc people are marginalised 'because men aren't oppressed though' as if that's not ignoring a huge part of their identity (the being trans part) and how that works.

Malgendering is telling trans men 'this is just what it's like to be a man, people treat you like shit and you have to take it or not transition'.

Malgendering is insisting that any trans man who calls any attention to the fact that he is indeed, trans, and has/had female anatomy and faces misogyny due to being raised and still perceived (by transphobes) as a woman is misgendering himself, all other trans men and 'weaponising his AFABness'

All of this is transphobia. All of this is bigotry. This kind of predjudice and bullying doesn't magically become 'OK' once you find the 'right' group to do it to. You either want to end bigotry and transphobia and identity-specific targetted hate or you want to perpetuate it. But you can't call yourself a trans ally, or escape the bigotry allegations whilst malgendering people. And no you're not being sneaky by slipping in your hateful predjudice comments and actions whilst validating their gender.

Malgendering is transphobia.

[ihavenomouthandimustmouth]

Being forcefully raised as a woman is not any less traumatic and emotionally repressive as being forcefully raised as a man. Femininity is not inherently pure and safe. Coercing someone to perform femininity is not any less toxic than coerced masculinity. Being dysphoric around femininity or having trauma from women doesn’t make you a misogynist.