#this man doesn't have to hide his magic anymore

[takingasterix]

Queen Guinevere's guard dog (AKA the Court Sorcerer of Camelot)

quick little thing because i got bored and LOVE this concept

[llamagoddessofficial]

May I have some Fae Killer dating headcanons?

Fae Killer is... weird

He's extremely hard to get a read on. At least the other Winter courtiers are easy to make sense of - Dust is quiet and serious, Horror is big and scary but shy, Nightmare is regal and refined with an undercurrent of rage. They make sense.

Killer? He's violent, but he's always got a friendly grin. He has the same "who, me?" expression whether he's eating a cookie or murdering someone. His backstory is unknown, changing every time someone asks. He appears to speak genuinely and openly, yet no one can trust a single word that comes out of his mouth. His knack for tricking and stealing is unparalleled, he tricks people out of things as small as their eye colour or as huge as their ability to breathe, all with the exact same 'silly' easygoing aura. He rescues stray cats from the cold and brings them into the castle, feeding them fish and chicken every day, but he also delights in torturing people he doesn't like.

Perhaps the only consistent thing about him is how obviously he's in love with you.

Even before dating him, his affection is blatant. He acts like he wants to be your best friend, your closest confidant, he's always looking for reassurance that he's your 'favourite'. The other skeletons will tell you that he doesn't shut up about you when you're not there. He's constantly outrageously flirting - he seems to show love through stealing from you, taking minor things like your ability to read the word 'strawberry', just so you'll get mad at him (it's obvious he thinks you're hot when you're mad). You're always covered in black marks and he laughs at almost everything you say.

When you do start dating him, he just... stops tricking you. Stops stealing from you, too. There's no warning, and no clear reason; you're just suddenly the only person in any world who's safe from his trickery. You could say something that leaves you wide open and the guy who could steal someone's nose from their face will act like he heard/saw nothing.

He's cuddly. So, so cuddly. It's actually kinda cute, when he's sleepy and aggressively snuggly with you. Kinda feels like he's been starved of affection, and he's making up for it by never letting you go.

No matter where you fall asleep, you'll wake up to Killer cuddled up. Probably a few of his cats piled in as well.

His number 1 goal is to get you laughing. There's always jokes, always remarks, it's so hard to be serious around him because he knows exactly what'll get you giggling. That's worth more to him than all the treasures in Summer and Winter.

He's generally an easygoing datemate, he has outlets for his jealousy. But he takes EXTREME offence to another fae stealing something from you. That means immediate violence.

This man will kill for you. In fact, he'll offer that option alarmingly quickly. Please ask him not to kill for you, for everyone else's safety.

His romantic side is dialled up to eleven. You're always coming home to mood lighting and surprise dinners, he's always taking you to beautiful scenic spots he's found in the Winter realm, he gives you things that remind him of you (typically flowers and gemstones, but sometimes magical artefacts, and occasionally something rather expensive that looks like it was stolen right from the Summer realm).

He's constantly wearing a 'happy' face. But sometimes, in private, the face falls. You can glimpse the part of himself he hides from everyone. If you can still hold him when he's not funny anymore, when the mask has fallen off... then he will burn down the whole world for you.

[kpopfanfictrash]

Elemental (M) Pt. 1

Author: kpopfanfictrash

Genre: Second Chance Romance / Modern Fantasy

Pairing: Jungkook / Reader (she/her)

Synopsis: Fear has never been a foreign concept to you. Your entire life has been shaped by the knowledge that you’re different, and fear of the stigma which might follow discovery. Although fire, earth, air and water Elementals have been public for decades, the fear-mongering around your kind hasn’t changed; something you have intimate knowledge of, having experienced it firsthand. Since then, you’ve done your best to hide your water powers. This is for your own safety, as your mom likes to say.

Safety flies out the window though, when you fall in love. Jeon Jungkook isn’t just any love, either, he’s the love. The person who makes you feel as though your darkest corners deserve to be seen. Unable to control your magic around him, you find yourself faced with a horrible fact: you need to break up.

A plan which proves difficult when Jungkook simply refuses to go. And maybe, just maybe, you find the constraints placed on yourself don’t make sense anymore.

Rating: 18+

Warnings: death of a parent (past), some emotional abuse

NSFW Warnings: oral (woman and man), multiple orgasms (woman), fingering, hand job, face-riding, sex outdoors (in a secluded, private area), very slight ass-play, breast play

Word Count: 17,287 (32,487 total)

Author's Note: Unfortunately, the new Tumblr text editor doesn't allow for more than 1,000 paragraphs per post. Part I is here, and Part II will be uploaded shortly. Please, please, please reblog both if possible! In my experience, engagement tends to be worse when split into two parts. (also, if you haven't already realized based on the premise, Y/N does break up with Jungkook in the first part of this fic lol so, if that's something you don't want to read; fair warning!)

[ Cross-posted to Wattpad here ]

Magic, to you, has never been a boon.

Despite its romanticization in movies and stories, the reality of magic is messy and unpredictable. As dangerous as it can be fickle, your mom likes to say. Usually followed by a glance in your direction, swift enough for you not to notice, although you always do.

Either that, or an unconscious tilt her chin towards the photograph on the mantle. You aren’t sure she even realizes she does it, acting on instinct alone. The photo is of your dad, holding you on his shoulders with an ear-to-ear grin. He was the other Elemental in your family.

Even with only one magical parent, the Elemental gene tends to be passed on to children. Your dad’s magic was water, skilled in manipulating and calling forth the element. He was lauded for it, which was in itself unusual. More often, Elementals are run out of town by other humans. Although time has gone by since societal integration, there are still many who view your kind with suspicion.

You can’t say that you blame them – not really. Because again, the reality of magic is it can be dangerous. Based on experience, bad things tend to happen when you lose control.

Head tilted, you squint through the fog at your boyfriend’s apartment. For centuries, fog has been heralded as an ill omen and maybe there’s some degree of truth to it. Maybe the first speaker lived near a temperamental water Elemental, unable to keep their emotions from manipulating the weather.

Thoughts souring at how close to reality this feels, you shake your head once and some of the fog clears.

A pep talk, you think. That’s what you need to convince yourself to enter. Unseasonably chilly this late in the summer, your fingers curl into the ends of your sweater. Going inside would be preferrable to standing out in the cold, and yet you can’t manage a single step.

Better to stand in the cold than enter and shatter.

Again, you remind yourself you’re doing the right thing and again, this doesn’t help. If anything, it makes you clutch your sweater tighter. For once, you wish doing the right thing meant what’s right for you. Exhaling deeply, your eyes shut as a train passes and shakes the ground.

You began dating Jungkook three months ago and within a week, you knew it was different. You have a tendency to hide pieces of yourself, knowing most people won’t like what they find. Jungkook never allowed that to happen. The first time you ghosted, he showed up at your favorite coffee shop the next morning and asked what had gone wrong. Taken aback, you responded honestly and to your surprise, Jungkook listened.

He stayed. Stayed when others had run, cementing himself on a short list of people you can trust. Three months into dating, things have moved at once fast and slow. Fast because typically, you exit relationships long before feelings like these ones develop. Slow, because you haven’t given Jungkook every part of yourself.

Physical intimacy comes to mind. On several occasions, this has proved… difficult.

Eyes opening, you stare at the door. Memories of last night rise to the surface. For a long time, you’ve known this relationship has an end date. Knowing this doesn’t prepare you for the difficult conversation ahead.

The last time you saw Jungkook was after midnight. Fat raindrops chased your footsteps while you ran from his place, descending the subway at a record pace. The look on his face remains stuck in your mind and even now, you find the thought hard to revisit.

Imagining hurting Jungkook again is unfathomable. Stifling a gasp, you spin on your heel and march away. Halfway to the gate, you get a grip on yourself. Coming to a stop, you remind yourself this isn’t about you. Jungkook will hate you – there’s nothing to do about that now. Now, this is about Jungkook and ensuring he’s safe.

Slowly, you turn around and make your way forward. In the name of procrastination, you stop at a trash can to clean out your purse. Old receipts, gum wrappers and a crumpled-up napkin shake into the bin. You pause at the napkin, staring at the embossed name of the restaurant you work at. Or – more accurately – worked at.

Slamming the trash lid, you turn. You began work at Pierre’s Bistro two months ago as a temporary measure. Ideally, you paint but lately, inspiration has run dry. Waiting tables pays the bills, leaving time at the end of the day to stare at a blank canvas.

Pierre’s is an upscale French restaurant a few blocks down with semi-decent food and waiting tables would be fine if the owner – Pierre – weren’t a massive asshole. Now that you don’t work there, you can be honest about that. Pierre was the most sexist, elitist, capitalistic piece of shit you’ve ever had the displeasure of working for. While on his payroll, you tried to make the best of it but now, you have nothing to lose. Pierre was a dick.

A point he proved yet again last night, much to your mortification. You prefer working the lunch shift to dinner, and weekdays to weekends. Saturday nights are worst of all, and last night Pierre didn’t arrive until well after six. You were forced to cover the entire front section, picking up for a co-worker who called in sick.

Rushing from the bar, you nearly crashed into your boss removing his coat. Grabbing you by the elbow, Pierre steadied you, his hand lingering.

“Whoa, where’s the fire?” he joked.

You forced a smile. Experience has taught you the best thing to do in those types of situations is to smile and laugh.

“No fire. Lots of customers! Excuse me,” you said and tried to move past.

Pierre didn’t release you. If anything, his grip on you tightened until you turned your head.

“Yes?” you said, impatient.

Pierre didn’t respond, looking you slowly up and down. Eventually, he released you to take a step backwards. “Nothing,” he said carefully. “Be careful out there tonight.”

Trying not to gag on his words, you moved on. Unfortunately, it was hard to escape Pierre’s notice once caught. From that point on, each of your flaws were held under a microscope. First, it was that you didn’t fold the napkins correctly. Next, you took a wandering path from kitchen to table. Each time you entered the dining room, scornful words were covered by simpering smiles.

By the time your shift end approached, you could barely keep going. A large group had entered and, seeing the host occupied, you took it upon yourself to seat them at your last table. Fixing your apron, you hurried through the restaurant and into the kitchen.

Grabbing another table’s dishes, you thanked the cook and pushed open the door. Immediately, arms shoved you back in. Startled, you barely had time to recognize the host, Vanessa, before the doors swung shut.

“Vanessa?” you said, adjusting your grip. “What’s going on?”

Harried, she glanced over one shoulder. “Sorry,” she sighed, curly hair slipping from her messy bun. “I wanted to warn you before you went back out. Pierre is pissed.”

Your stomach sank. “Pissed… at me?”

She nodded, another dark curl escaping. “Something about saving the table up front for his friends? Bullshit, yes,” she said at your expression. “But you know how he is.”

“Yeah, I know,” you muttered. Deciding there was nothing to be done but keep moving, you hefted your plates higher. “Okay, thanks for the warning. I need to get these to table ten.”

“No problem,” she said and stepped out of your way.

You walked inside with slightly less spring in your step. Pierre lounged near the bar, surrounded by a group of people you could only assume to be friends. Although you felt his gaze on your face, you avoided him the best you could while you made your rounds. Taking the long way to the kitchen, you passed in front of the window.

Which was the moment you noticed Jungkook waiting for you on the curb. He stood beneath a streetlight, light pooling around the ends of his dark hair. When he saw you approach, his face lit up and he smiled.

Cursing beneath your breath, you smiled back. You were supposed to be done a half-hour ago, but there hadn’t been a good time yet to stop. Waving back, you mouthed, just a minute, and frantically pushed through the crowd to the back.

Merely seeing his face lifted a weight from your chest. It was easy to be around Jungkook because he liked every part of you. You never felt the urge to pretend, to curve yourself into something someone else would find pleasurable.

Well, he liked every part except one – and you were working on telling him that.

Hurrying into the staff room, you forgot your plan to avoid Pierre. You nearly jumped a mile when a hand grabbed your elbow, spinning you to face your fuming manager.

Pierre stared down his nose. “Follow me,” he snapped, releasing your arm to spin around.

He passed tables full of patrons, leading you to the bar before turning. “Y/N,” Pierre said, his voice dropping. “Are things okay tonight?”

“Yes,” you responded, deciding one-word answers were safest.

“Then why, exactly, are you fucking this up?”

Your jaw tensed. “I wasn’t aware I was doing so,” you said carefully.

“The napkins?” Pierre made a tsk-ing sound. “How many times should I say that presentation is important? Not to mention your laziness. One of your tables had to flag me down to ask for a refill. And now, you gave away the front table.” His expression darkened. “What makes you think you, a fucking waitress, can step in for a host? You sat someone at the table I personally reserved for my friends!”

You shouldn’t have responded. You should have stayed quiet and yet –

“There was no name in the book,” you muttered.

“What’s that?” Pierre waited and, when you stayed silent, shook his head. “I hadn’t had time to write their name down, but I told Vanessa, who assured me it’d happen. Of course, she wasn’t taking into consideration Y/N, the wonder waitress! Taking everyone’s jobs and making them harder.”

At your sides, your hands balled into fists. It took a greater amount of concentration than normal to keep your emotions from spilling over.

Of course, there were explanations for Pierre’s accusations. The napkins were correct before he jostled the table. You had been circulating your tables and if you were unavailable, it was because of his poor staffing. Oh, and – he didn’t make a reservation for his friends.

Slowly, you exhaled and stuffed down the responses. Deep down, with other emotions and magic. Beyond Pierre, a glass trembled but once you relaxed, the water went still.

“I apologize,” you said, not meeting his gaze. “I’ll do better next time.”

Pierre sniffed. “See that you do,” he said, brushing past. Grabbing a beer from the bar, you heard his friends burst into raucous laughter. Apparently, your humiliation was entertaining.

Heaving a small sigh, you turned – and froze where you stood.

Outside, Jungkook stared into the restaurant with murderous eyes. Too late, you realized Pierre had pulled you in front of the window. Away from anyone dining, but in full view of anyone on the sidewalk. Like your boyfriend, who witnessed the entire spectacle.

For a moment, your emotions overwhelmed, and you felt magic crack the walls you kept hidden. Embarrassment crept past your boundaries. Humiliation. Fury. Stuffing everything back, you quickly turned to rush through the tables.

Jungkook’s gaze snapped towards you, his brow furrowing. Reaching the staff room, you paced up and down. Jungkook saw you. He saw Pierre’s outburst, which meant you’d have to explain. You’d have to explain to Jungkook – the only person whose opinion you cared about – why you allowed other people to walk all over you.

He’d start to ask questions. Questions like, when was the last time you really got mad? You’d have no good response. Not because you don’t get mad, because you do. But because you don’t ever allow yourself to act on the feeling.

Faced with the prospect of brushing him off, you buried your face in both hands. Your usual excuses wore thin in your ears.

Pierre isn’t so bad. It was a one-time thing. You promise you’ll talk to Pierre tomorrow.

None of it would be true, and you didn’t want to lie to Jungkook. People never understood why you wouldn’t stand up for yourself, but the answer was complicated.

Your last date said you lacked emotions, but you don’t think that’s it. Of course, you have feelings, but those feelings are buried beneath so many layers, they can be hard to see. It’s not that you don’t feel, it’s that you cannot.

When you feel, your magic reacts, and people get hurt.

That was the last part of yourself you kept hidden. Jungkook is normal and he doesn’t know you’re an Elemental.

You know that by now, you should have said something. Obviously, but the timing was never right. Twenty-five years old, and you still aren’t sure how to broach the conversation. Few people know what you are, so you haven’t had much experience with the explanation. Your magic isn’t something you use if you can help it.

Yet another lesson you learned from your mom.

Your dad, an Elemental, died when you were five. Before, you lived near the ocean on a flat strip of sand. Your memories from before then are faint, but whenever you try, you can hear his booming laugh. Can feel the salt sting your cheeks, your mom tossing you in the air while you spun around.

Everything afterwards faded. At five years old, a hurricane swept past the barrier islands and that, you remember. You recall your mom at the door, pleading with your dad not to go as he donned his jacket. You remember him holding her hand, kissing the top of your head, and saying he’d return soon. Not many Elementals lived in your area, and even fewer had water magic.

You recall the hours passing, stretching longer and longer until dawn approached. Flashing lights followed, a woman climbing from her car to speak to your mom. You recall the sound of your mom sobbing, the policewoman’s voice floating into the house.

The storm surge was stronger than expected, but your dad managed to divert the worst. He saved the town only to be hit by a bolt of lightning. Instant death, the policewoman said, her tone implying this might be a comfort. Chest tight, your fingertips dug into the railing. Comfort meant nothing when your dad was gone. The irony struck you even back then – your dad saved others, and no one came to save him.

For weeks following, your mom was a ghost. At first, neighbors stopped by to drop off casseroles and condolences. Soon though, their sympathy stopped, and the whispers began. You were young enough not to notice, too consumed by the enormity of your own loss.

Eventually though, you noticed something was off. Suspicious eyes followed you down the sidewalk. Mothers clutched at their children, hurrying them to the side of an empty street. One day, you traipsed downstairs and overheard your mom on the phone.

She sat at the kitchen table, facing away from the staircase. You paused on the landing, listening to your aunt’s voice blast on speakerphone.

“Nonsense,” she was saying. “Your husband was a hero, and anyone saying otherwise is cracked. He saved your town!”

“I know.” Your mom blew her nose. “But now, people are wondering if he caused the storm. They’re saying maybe he… made the hurricane. It’s this new mayor,” she said, frustrated. “He hates Elementals and keeps insisting our family orchestrated this to collect money. He says –”

“Oh, no.” Your aunt sounded furious. “Don’t you repeat a single word that hateful man says.”

“He has a point, though,” your mom said, her voice low. “Did you hear about Uniontown? A fire Elemental accidentally set their barn on fire. Nearly burned the whole town. Magic is dangerous. I tried to warn him, but he wouldn’t listen, and now –”

“When was the last time your husband lost control, though? Are you saying you think he caused a hurricane?”

“God, no!” You watched your mom straighten. “But there are people saying… awful things.”

“Some people aren’t worth listening to.”

“I know.” Wearily, she exhaled. “They’re talking about Y/N, too, though. Apparently, she caused a tidal wave at the pool last weekend.”

Hearing your name said out loud, you shrank back in the shadows. You weren’t aware your mom knew about that, or that she cared. Bobby Clemmons teased Judith Bryce about her hair until finally, you snapped. Bobby was swept to the other end of the pool, much to Judith’s relief. She thanked you repeatedly.

Bobby was fine, except for some water up his nose. From the way he carried on though, you’d have thought he broke his arm.

Your mother lowered her voice, as though magic was something to be mentioned only in whispers. For the first time, a sense of shame crept over you. Your dad had always been open about magic, though stern. Stern in his belief magic should help people, not hurt. Never once did your dad insinuate magic itself was the problem.

Magic is dangerous.

Your mom’s words on the phone sank in as, your head pounding as you turned around to run up the steps. Even at six, you felt panic. If magic was dangerous and you were magical – that meant you were dangerous, too.

Slipping beneath your comforter, you stared at your shaking hands. Rain hit your windows, snowballing your worry to full-on fear. By the time your mom rushed upstairs, you were rocking under the covers as a storm raged.

She helped to calm you down, got your magic under control and a month after, you moved far away from the sea. A version of yourself vanished as you passed the pier. Despite this, you felt instant relief at the thought of control.

You remember your mom smiling when you joined the highway. “This will be good,” she said, her voice cracking slightly. “A fresh start, away from it all. You can be whoever you want to be, Y/N.”

Except for the person you actually were.

Her meaning was clear, even if she didn’t say it out loud. At the time, you found the thought soothing. If you didn’t want to use magic, you didn’t have to. You never had to become your dad, who all your friends said had caused the bad storm. Even the news had turned against you.

Earth Elemental suspected behind San Raoul earthquake!

Jailed air Elemental claims innocence against onslaught of tornadoes!

Fire Elementals flee after string of arson!

Always the exclamation point. Always the lurid fascination that blame could be pinned on a single person. New rules were implemented in the house. No magic, except in your mom’s presence. This soon became no magic at all, but you didn’t mind. Whenever you did use magic, it felt wild, chaotic – the opposite of how you wanted to feel.

Your early years were marked by the struggle to conceal your powers. Years passed without incident and then, something would happen, and you’d have to move. Your mom never begrudged you, simply packed the house to travel to the next city. Each time, you promised you’d do better but by the time you realized school wasn’t for you, you had moved no less than six times.

Art was a risk, though one you found necessary.

Creation meant tapping into emotion, but you found methods of coping. Painting was the only place you loosened the reins on your magic, and so it became an outlet of sorts. A release, preventing your emotions from spilling into unwanted places.

There were other strategies, as well. Deep breathing. Counting backwards from one hundred. Focusing on one point, then on another until the magic calmed in your veins. Until you forgot the dangerous and destructive water around you.

Some people proved more reactionary to you than others. With some people, your magic responded so strongly, you were forced to cut them out completely. The first person this happened with was your best friend, Katrina. You were fourteen when she confided in you her family was fire Elementals. In response, your magic surged.

For a glorious summer, you practiced magic in secret. Each morning, you and Katrina bounded through the woods towards the far creek. You summoned great waves of water for Katrina to singe into mist. Everything was fine until late one evening, your mom caught you. She witnessed the combined magic and lost her temper.

Dragging you from the woods, your mom slammed the front door in Katrina’s face. She sat you down at the kitchen table, delivering a scolding you’ve never forgotten.

Do you know how reckless you were? What if a tree had caught fire? What if you altered the town’s water supply? What if someone saw and the next time a disaster happened, they blamed it on you – or Katrina?

Stricken by these very real possibilities, you promised not to do it again. Although you begged not to move, your mom packed the next day – your fastest exit ever.

The second time you cut someone out was after high school. Elliot was an artist, a quiet guy who dabbled with oils. He saw you painting one day in the park and silently set up his easel beside yours. This happened for weeks until he asked you out. Your ensuing romance was brief and sweet, and your feelings grew within a short period of time.

When Elliot told you he loved you, you dissolved into panic. You could feel how your magic responded, reaching for water that surged through his tiny apartment. Tossing on clothes, you stammered apologies and fled into the night.

For weeks following, it rained. Enough for the reporters to forecast local flooding. The fact terrified you – imagining people trapped on top of cars, small businesses flooded, the Red Cross called in to ferry locals to safety. It took your mom flying out to put you at ease, clearing the skies and regaining control.

Since then, you haven’t let anyone else past your inner walls. Until Jungkook.

Swallowing hard, you stare at his apartment and wonder if you’ll survive. Breaking up with Elliot is one of your worst memories and you only felt a fraction of what you do for Jungkook. Maybe you’ll conjure a hurricane, bringing the events of your life full circle.

Shutting your eyes, you rub at them dully. There’s no point in wondering what-if. You need to end it now, before things get worse. All day, you’ve gone over the facts and arrived at the same conclusion.

As expected, Jungkook was livid about Pierre last night. He wanted to confront your boss himself, although quickly backed off when he realized this was your battle. This though, turned to confusion when you said your intent to do nothing.

Although you tried the usual excuses, none of them stuck. Even if it was just once, Jungkook argued, it shouldn’t go unnoticed. You snapped slightly at this, insisting you’d deal with things in your own time.

Getting angry near Jungkook was peculiar. Suddenly, you became aware of the water around you. Thick, leaden pipes lacing Jungkook’s walls. Moisture that hung in the air, in the clouds – within his very veins. The thought terrified you, wondering what you might do accidentally.

Your panic must have been visible, because Jungkook instantly softened. Crossing the room, he pulled you into his arms.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured into your hair. “It’s just… I hate seeing you hurt. Of course, you know what’s best. I’m sorry I doubted you.”

His grip grounded you, enough that your magic dissipated, and that you realized a truth you’d hidden for some time.

You were in love with Jungkook.

No one in your life had ever been like him. Someone who was always in your corner, who protected you when they could and lifted up parts they couldn’t. Someone who liked everything about you – even the parts you weren’t brave enough to admit.

Studying his face, you tried to ignore the sudden ache in your chest. Even last night, you knew the inevitable. Memorizing his face, you tried hard to hold on. Jungkook’s slightly rounded nose, his full bottom lip accentuated by two piercings. Dark hair fell over his forehead; strong features contrasted by a soft gaze.

Jungkook watched you as well, and you wondered if he felt the same. Wondered why he’d commit you to memory, since you were the lucky one. He was the miracle, and you were biding your time.

Bending, he lightly brushed your mouth against his. Instantly, you melted. It wasn’t your first kiss and prayed it wouldn’t be the last, but something about last night felt different. Walking the two of you backwards, Jungkook pressed you against the wall and kissed you harder. His touch became desperate, one hand sliding beneath the lines of your blouse.

Your breath hitched at the brush of his fingers, delicious and warm against skin. His touch unknotted a hidden, tangled piece of your soul.

Ever since you met Jungkook, you’d held yourself separate. When you asked him to go slow in the beginning, he agreed. Touching was fine. Kissing was fine. Anything more, and you lost control.

About a month into dating, you met Jungkook at a bar and got tipsy. Three drinks in, you were frantically making out in an alley outside. Jungkook panted, “my place?” against your mouth, and you nodded. The journey back to his place was fast and slow, pausing in every dark place to drag his mouth to yours.

The second his door shut, you found yourself stumbling – into his bedroom, his bed, the confines of his heart. Shoes were discarded with every step, and Jungkook couldn’t seem to keep his hands to himself. You returned his fervor in spades, nipping his lower lip to watch him smile.

When he fell back on the bed, you saw his pulse quicken. Staring up at you, Jungkook watched your clothing disappear with a gaze so dark, it bordered on onyx. Climbing onto him, you resumed kissing with a newfound reverence. Eyes falling shut, you did your best to stay present.

Each brush of his lips was combustive, each touch of his hands filling you with sharp, pulsing light. And then –

The sink and shower in his bathroom burst on.

Startled, you pulled away and realized it had been you. Your magic had caused it, flooding his bathroom with water. Swearing under his breath, Jungkook scrambled out of bed to hastily turn off both faucets.

You sat there on his bed, heart pounding with fear. By the time he returned, you were already dressed and mortified. Jungkook was all apologies, certain he’d moved too fast, but you assured him he hadn’t. Anything that happened, you were an equal participant – too much maybe, although you didn’t say so out loud.

Lying in bed that night, you stared up at your ceiling. For a moment, it felt as though you were six and under the covers at your old house. Magic was dangerous. You would eventually hurt someone. Dread pooled in your stomach, recognizing the truth. If you couldn’t control your magic around Jungkook, you’d have to end things.

Heartache chased the thought, filling you with so much panic, you nearly drowned. Pushing this aside, you simply resolved to do better. To be better and keep both Jungkook and magic. This was simply another challenge; you owned your magic, not the other way around.

Thus, began the two best and worst months of your life. The best, since you’ve been dating Jungkook and the worst, because at every moment, you’re terrified of hurting him. Walking a line as thin as a razor, you’ve fallen in love while trying your best not to feel.

Until last night, you thought you’d been successful. Life was mostly under control, but then the Pierre debacle took place. Then Jungkook kissed you with such intensity, you forgot who you were and why you’d been holding back. Two long months of restraint and suddenly, you came undone at the seams.

Before long, you were again in his bedroom. Jungkook stripped off his clothes, bare skin pressing to yours with a searing intensity. Pulling you over him, a low hiss escaped while he kissed your throat. Even through his boxers, you could feel how hard Jungkook was. How badly he wanted this; a need you returned.

The thought of him inside you made you frantic. Pushing Jungkook onto his back, you straddled his waist and rocked forward.

Jungkook lay underneath you, his hair a dark halo. Suddenly, you could feel water everywhere. Magic, everywhere – it was in you, around you, in Jungkook’s walls and molecules. Everything felt so utterly fragile, and your magic responded.

Ferocious, it strained at your self-crafted bonds. Realizing how precarious your grasp on control was, your emotions slipped into panic.

You had to leave. Now.

Sensing the change in your body, Jungkook paused.

“I – I’m sorry,” you blurted, scrambling off him. Bending for your pants, you pushed one leg through and hastily zipped. “I need to go.”

Jungkook stared, frozen in place. “I…” Shaking his head, he pushed a hand through his hair. “What’s going on? Did I do something wrong?”

Stomach dropping, you roughly shook your head. Part of you ached to correct him but your magic was barely leashed, and you weren’t certain how much longer it’d hold.

Your magic wasn’t something you wanted Jungkook to see.

Frantically throwing on your shirt, you rushed towards his front door. His dog, Bam, whined from the couch and lifted his head as you passed. Yanking open his door, you escaped to the hall and downstairs. You heard Jungkook call after, but he didn’t follow, for which you were grateful.

Remembering his face broke your heart as you entered the subway. You kept your magic at bay until reaching your building, at which point rain swept the city in waves. Soaked through, you got in the elevator and saw Jungkook had texted. Shaking, you responded you’d talk to him tomorrow and turned off your phone.

Rain poured all night and you barely slept. By the time you woke, your mood had gotten worse. Work was torture. Even the lunch shift couldn’t save you, the looming specter of Jungkook impossible to forget. When Pierre showed up around one, you knew you were doomed. His glower could be felt all the way across the restaurant and no matter what you did, you somehow stayed in his way.

With little to no sleep and haunted by last night, the grip on your magic was tentative at best. Your entire shift, it hovered at the edge of your fingers. When Pierre commented you looked tired, the rain outside worsened. When a table of middle-aged men called you ‘girlie,’ their water glasses shook.

It was miraculous nothing happened until the end of your shift. That was the moment Pierre’s friends arrived, seating themselves at the table you gave away last night. One of them laughed as you poured them water, and you managed to push down your snide remark.

Glasses full, you turned around to go and the same one grabbed your waist.

You went still.

For so long, you’ve hidden your magic to protect others. You’ve kept them from hurting and there you were, broken, and no one cared about you. Just like no one cared about your dad, in the end. Teeth gritted, you whirled – and the entire water pitcher dumped itself at him.

At him, not on him.

You didn’t trip. Didn’t throw the water, although either would have been preferrable. Instead, the water leapt from the pitcher to slap the man in the face.

Horrified, you stared as reality sunk in. You had just assaulted a guest – a friend of Pierre’s, at that.

Shocked, the man wiped water down his visage. The entire restaurant fell silent, every eye in the room locked on you. Panic-stricken, you stammered an apology, flung a napkin on the table and fled into the kitchen.

The moment you crashed through the doors, you were hailed a hero. Izumi, your line cook, wistfully recalled the one time she punched a guy who grabbed her ass. Georgina added that once, she spit in the drink of a man who called her a bitch.

Both tactfully avoided the fact that you were an Elemental, which you appreciated. You were starting to feel marginally better – maybe you wouldn’tbe fired, after all – when the door to the kitchen swung open and Pierre stormed through. Seeing his face, your heart sank.

“You!” Spittle flew from his lips as he pointed. “Y/N – pack your things! You’re done here. Fired. You think you can insult my friend, pull some magic bullshit on him, and continue to work here? Fuck that. Get out – now!”

A pin could have been heard in the silence. Coming to your senses, you did exactly as asked and got your things. Pierre hadn’t mentioned pressing charges, and you didn’t want to stick around long enough to find out.

Outside, you stood on the sidewalk and stared at the bus stop. Storm clouds brewed above, a visualization of your inner turmoil. Eventually, you turned and trudged down the subway.

Things had reached a point you couldn’t ignore anymore. You were beyond out of control. Emotions surged and strained against your internal walls, threatening everyone you held dear. The city didn’t deserve to be punished, even if no one within it knew of your sacrifice. Pierre’s friends were awful, but you could’ve just as easily lost your temper with someone you loved.

Someone like Jungkook, whom you couldn’t seem to be around without incident.

That was the reason most people feared Elementals. It was selfish of you to put your desires ahead of another person’s safety. The only way to protect someone you loved was to stay away.

Starting with Jungkook. You just wished he didn’t have to get hurt in order for that to happen.

Standing outside his building, you take a deep breath and press the buzzer. You wait for several long moments, wondering if he’s home and then –

“Hello?” Jungkook’s voice crackles over the speaker.

Leaning in, you press 316. “Hey. It’s me. Y/N.”

A weighted pause, and then –

“Come in.”

The door unlocks, and you push it inside. Climbing the steps to his place, your heart starts to pound. The last time you saw Jungkook, you were running away. The last text he sent was, ‘ok,’ in response to your message. If you were Jungkook, you wouldn’t be thrilled to see you.

Coming to a stop outside 316, you lift your hand and knock. A howl responds, followed by the patter of gigantic dog footsteps. Unable to stop your smile, you shake your head at the chaos.

“It’s just me, Bam!” you say, and he stops.

Bam’s howl is replaced with a whine and the sharp thwack-thwack of his tail on the door.

“Bam, out of the way,” Jungkook calls, his voice coming closer. A few seconds later, the door flies open to reveal your boyfriend.

You only catch a glimpse before Bam barrels out, nearly knocking you over. Legs and tail akimbo, he slobbers all over until you bend to pet him. Once satisfied, Bam turns around and trots back inside.

Silence falls between you, and you look up to see Jungkook. He’s dressed casually, sweatpants and a t-shirt bought at a concert you attended. He hasn’t moved aside, blocking you from entering.

Uncertain, you straighten. “Can I come in?”

Slowly, he nods and moves. You walk past him, trying not to focus on the heat of his shoulder. This might be the last time you see Jungkook, so you try to focus on that. Not the prospect of what you’re about to do.

Hearing the door shut, you take a deep breath and turn to face him. “I can’t stay too long,” you admit, digging your nails into the palms of your hands.

Jungkook regards you warily. His expression makes your chest ache, unused to him with such a stern expression. After last night, you suppose it’s earned. You should probably get used to it.

“Y/N.” His jaw works. “What’s going on?”

Deciding honesty is the best policy – up to a point – you force out your next words. “I think we should break up,” you say in a rush.

With a low whine, Bam slinks in the direction of the bedroom. Jungkook glances at him, distracted, before facing forward.

“What do you mean?” His head tilts. “Like, you want to take a break?”

Steeling yourself, you shake your head. “No. As in, I want to break up. Permanently.”

A train passes by the building, rumbling the floorboards underneath. Most people would avoid living in this building for that reason, but Jungkook was overjoyed by the prospect of discounted rent.

He doesn’t seem overjoyed now, though. Instead, he looks stricken.

“Walk me through this,” Jungkook says, walking closer. The set of his mouth has turned stubborn. “I don’t follow. Why are we breaking up again?”

The knot in your chest tightens. You should have known Jungkook wouldn’t make this easy on you. “We’re not good together,” you say, only to correct yourself. “I mean, I’m not good for you. I’m not in a place where I can be in a relationship.”

He comes to a stop. “I can wait, Y/N. I don’t mind.”

Reaching for you, Jungkook’s brows crease when you take a step backwards. His hand falls between you, and he stares at the empty space. The crack in your heart widens, made worse by his silence.

“I mind, though,” you force yourself to say. “I can’t ask you to wait for me, Jungkook. That’s not fair to either of us. It’s too much pressure.”

The words make your heart splinter, reaching a point you aren’t sure can be reassembled. Maybe the pieces will simply lodge in your muscle, bruising your insides each time you draw breath.

“I won’t pressure you,” Jungkook says, automatic. His frown deepens. “Tell me what this is really about, Y/N. Is this about sex? It’s fine if we don’t have it.” Stepping closer, he takes your hand and you let him. “I just want you to be honest with me.”

Somewhat manic, you shake your head – and then nod.

Sex is a part of the problem, but it’s not the root cause. Sex with Jungkook is unthinkable. You can barely remain in control when you kiss, let alone allow more. With your past partners, this wasn’t an issue, but your past partners weren’t Jungkook.

Never have you met someone able to scramble your thoughts with a kiss. Whose gaze melted inhibitions and tore down every wall. You have little doubt that with Jungkook, you’d lose full control, and the thought is terrifying. Already, your makeshift barriers are weakened.

Rain splatters against the window, and your stomach lurches.

“Seriously, Y/N,” Jungkook says, returning your attention to him. “What’s this about? I can tell something’s on your mind.”

He takes your other hand, and you realize how close he stands. “Is it work?” Jungkook asks, a crease between brows. “Is there… some reason you can’t quit? You can tell me, Y/N.”

An odd zing of disappointment goes through you. For a moment, you thought Jungkook had guessed your secret, and this could all be avoided. If Jungkook knew what you were and that you lied to him – well, he’d end things for you. Hesitant, you consider revealing that truth but can’t seem to form words. It would devastate you, seeing fear replace love in his eyes.

“Work isn’t the problem,” you say at last. “It’s us, Jungkook. Or – it’s me. I don’t want to be together anymore.”

Disbelief flashes across his expression, and you idly wonder what will happen if Jungkook refuses. Even as you think this though, his expression shifts. Jungkook takes a careful step backwards, dropping your hands entirely.

He’s never been good at hiding emotion. Jungkook is your opposite in that way, revealing every shift of thought and desire. You watch confusion become anger, then bitterness a moment before he turns away. The set of his shoulders is still, staring out the window as yet another train passes.

Restless, he turns to drag a hand through his hair. “I don’t believe you,” he declares. “This is so out of nowhere, Y/N. What aren’t you telling me?”

“I’m telling you everything,” you say, panic rising. “And this isn’t out of nowhere! I’ve been telling you for months I need to take things slow and this – well, this is the opposite of slow, Jungkook!”

Jungkook stares back at you, heated. “Yeah, I guess so.”

The two of you stand there for a moment, the tension thick in between you. Eventually, you look away first and pull your bag tighter.

“Right,” you exhale. “Well, I should go –”

Striding forward, Jungkook reaches you to cup your face with both palms. Gently, he lifts your face towards him, and all thoughts cease completely. Gaze searching, his breath fans across your parted lips.

Jungkook’s gaze intensifies. “I don’t believe you,” he murmurs.

Adrenaline zips under your skin, stirring your magic into a deadly storm. Entire body tense, you suppress the urge to fight or flee. So often, you’re the one running but right now, you feel more compelled to fight.

A knife in you twists, knowing you’re a coward. If you were stronger, you could keep Jungkook. No matter how understanding he is, the fact remains that if he stays with you, Jungkook remains in danger. Each passing day only worsens the pain.

His face blurs. With a start of surprise, you realize there are tears on your cheeks. The furrow between Jungkook’s brows deepens, noticing as well.

“You’re not listening,” you blurt. “I can’t see you any longer, Jungkook. It’s in your best interest, I promise – I can’t do this. It’s too much.”

Reaching up, you remove his hands from your face and head for the door.

Jungkook follows close behind. “Which is it, then?” he demands. “You want me to go slowly, or you feel too much?”

Pressure weighs every inch of your skin, demanding you answer. Anything that comes out now will only make things harder. Reaching the door, you feel Jungkook’s hand on your shoulder. Caving, you don’t fight when Jungkook turns you to face him.

He’s too close to you. Too much and too close, his one hand sliding to cup the back of your neck. Slowly, his thumb strokes the elongated line of your throat. You swallow, hard, and his gaze follows the motion.

Jungkook’s gaze flicks to yours. “You keep saying you’re no good for me,” he says, his voice low. “But what if I don’t care? Don’t I get a say in this decision?”

The force of holding in your magic worsens, becoming near impossible. Hastily built walls threaten to collapse, and reality blurs between one moment and the next.

“I’m sorry,” you blurt, your hand searching behind you. “I have to go.”

Finding the doorknob, you twist and stumble backwards. Jungkook watches you go, the look on his face physically painful as you turn around. Each second that follows is pure concentration, trying not to break before getting outside.

The ocean is only a few blocks from Jungkook’s apartment.

Reaching the harbor, rain pelts your face in a way that feels punishing. Magic makes your limbs tremble, escaping your body in wisps of fog and rain. The moment you arrive at the harbor, you shatter, collapsing forward to grip your knees with both hands.

Eyes pressed tightly shut, you hear the storm howl. Waves churn the harbor, sloshing over the sidewalk in an attempt to get closer. No tidal waves, you plead in an attempt at reason. No whirlpools, no water spouts.

Your magic listens in this regard, at least. By the time your eyes open, a curtain of rain mingles with tears on your cheeks. Staring out at the ocean, each inch of your body is numb.

Jungkook will never forgive you for this.

The thought banishes all the rest. You can’t say that you blame him. Slowly, you exhale as you lift your gaze. The chasm in your chest widens, becoming something unbreachable. This is all your fault. You wish there was some satisfaction in knowing this, but there isn’t.

Eventually, the rain dulls, and you push yourself upright. Your sneakers squish with every step, the silence all-encompassing as you ride on the subway. Entering the building, you remove your shoes and collapse on your bed, fully clothed. Thankfully, your roommate isn’t home, so you aren’t forced to explain the events of tonight. Seokjin would have wanted to discuss, and you aren’t sure you can without breaking down.

Burrowing your face into the pillows, you manage to cry yourself asleep. Rain doesn’t let up the entire night.

“Tell me again.” Taking a seat at the table, Seokjin spoons yogurt and berries into his mouth. “Why did you have to end things with your boyfriend?”

Cracking open one eye, you glare from where you sit, slumped forward. “You know why, Seokjin,” you grumble. “Not all of us can be air Elementals in perfect control of their magic.”

“You could be, though,” he says, pointing with his spoon. “If you put in like, five seconds of training and embraced your water powers instead of running away whenever things got bad.”

“I am not running.”

“No.” Seokjin lifts a brow. “You’re cowering, which is far less attractive.”

“I’m not cowering, either.” Scowling, you bury your head deeper into your arms. “I’m wallowing. Big difference.”

Scoffing, his spoon scrapes the bottom of the bowl. Pushing his chair back to stand, Seokjin heads for the sink and turns on the tap. The water itches a spot deep in your chest, almost taunting.

“I can’t be too hard on you, though,” Seokjin says as he cleans. “You did get fired and dumped in one day – that’s pretty rough.”

“Does it count as being dumped if I did the dumping?”

“I’ll allow it.” He opens the dishwasher. “But only because really, you didn’t want to break up with Jungkook. You’ve just convinced yourself the world is better off without you – something I highly disagree with, by the way, but can’t fault you for feeling. It’s too sad.”

“Thanks,” you mumble, and close your eyes.

Two days have gone by since your decision to end your relationship with Jungkook. It hasn’t been great, to put things mildly. On Monday, you barely left your room and rain poured from the sky. When you did enter the kitchen, the weather person on Channel 9 predicted local flooding.

Seokjin arrived from his business trip that night, took one look at your face and helped stop the storm. You sagged with relief, falling into a fitful round of sleep that only lasted three hours.

Seokjin is one of the few Elementals you know who embraces their power. Both his parents are air Elementals, and he was raised to take over their magical consulting business. Said business does well, leading Seokjin to own a gorgeous, three-bedroom apartment in the middle of the city. He got bored last winter, decided to post for a roommate and here you are. One of the few people in the city willing to room with an Elemental.

You don’t care what Seokjin does with his magic, although his laissez-faire attitude can occasionally be unnerving. You’ve lived your entire life with the assumption your existence is dangerous. All you need is a quick Google search to reinforce this fact. But then there’s Seokjin, living his life, seemingly none the worse for the wear.

He discovered your powers about a month into rooming together. Coming back from a trip, Seokjin opened the door to stare, slack-jawed, as plates washed themselves in the sink. Glancing up from your book at the table, you immediately sent two dishes crashing onto the floor.

Seokjin stared at this for a moment, then looked up. “You owe me new plates,” he declared and walked into his bedroom. After a moment, he popped his head out. “Hey – you think if we combined my wind and your water, we could create a waterspout but on land?”

“That’s… a tornado, Seokjin.”

“Right.” He slapped the doorframe once and disappeared. “Well, something to think about!”

Months later, Seokjin still doesn’t understand your avoidance of magic, but respects the decision enough to leave it alone. At least, until something like this happens and he’s again at a loss.

“Listen.”

Turning around, he shuts the dishwasher with his hip.

“Oh, no.” You grimace. “What now?”

Seokjin raises both hands. “Nothing, nothing. Far be it from me to comment on your mistakes. I’m sorry – did I say mistakes? I meant, ‘learned life experience.’ Through mistakes.”

“Was there a question in all that?”

“No question.” Loosely, he gestures. “Just wanted to say you can stay here, rent-free, until you figure this out. You know I’m only taking your money because you insist. I don’t need it. This place is already paid for.”

“Only because you frightened the seller so badly, they cut the price in half.”

“Listen.” Seokjin’s smile turns slightly sinister. “If they were willing to let their ingrained fear of Elementals influence their selling point, that’s on them. Not me.”

“Fair enough,” you sigh and sit back. “But seriously – thank you. This will give me some time to come up with a plan.”

Seokjin nods, tracing the rim of his coffee. Absently, he glances down the hall at the empty third bedroom. “You know…”

“No,” you say, automatic.

His right brow lifts. “You don’t even know what I was going to say.”

“You were going to suggest I use this time off to work on my art.”

“Okay.” Seokjin shrugs. “Maybe you did know. But seriously, Y/N – why not?”

Weary, you exhale. “Because every time I try to paint, I get this… block. I can’t explain it. Watercolors used to be the one place I felt comfortable using my magic. Now… I don’t know. I can’t seem to use my magic anywhere. Even my art.”

Seokjin tilts his head, thoughtful. “How long has this been going on?”

“Don’t know – a few months?”

“Not long after you started dating Jungkook.”

Staring at Seokjin, you realize he’s right. That’s exactly around when you began dating Jungkook. The block happened not long after. Thinking about the early days of dating are painful though, and so you choose not to.

“I don’t want to talk about him,” you declare with a shake of your head. “Right now, what I need is a job. And to earn money. Preferably in that order.”

Seokjin’s lips twitch. “Let me know if the order changes. I know a guy.”

Before you can consider his offer too seriously, your phone rings on the table. Glancing down, your heart constricts at your mom’s name. It isn’t that you don’t want to talk. It’s that if you do, Jungkook’s name will come up, and you’ll be forced to explain why you two aren’t together. Right now, you’re managing to cope by avoiding the topic. You aren’t sure what will happen if you’re forced to confront it.

Not to mention the very real possibility your mom will be happy. She liked Jungkook, but she always worries whenever someone new enters your life.

Also glancing at your phone, Seokjin scowls. “Don’t answer it,” he says, walking past. “Whenever you talk to your mom, things get even worse.”

Seokjin’s not wrong. Your mom means well – really, she does – but talking to her tends to leave you exhausted. Still, you know from experience it’s better to answer now.

“I know,” you sigh and stand up. “But if I don’t pick up now, she’ll just keep calling. Hey,” you say, pressing answer. “One second, mom.”

Ignoring Seokjin’s sad shake of his head, you scoop up your coffee and head for your bedroom.

Closing the door to your room, you lean backwards. “Hi, mom,” you say, lifting your phone to your ear. “Sorry about that. I was eating breakfast. How are you?”

“Oh, you know,” your mom says, and you can practically hear her smile. “Same old, same old. The better question is, how are you? I saw on the weather there’s some flooding by you. Hope you’re alright!”

Grimacing, you move the phone to speaker. You should have known your mom would check in. Reading between the lines of her question, you can hear what she’s really asking. Your mom wants to know if you caused the flooding – an answer which is undeniably yes, but she doesn’t have to know that.

Setting down your half-empty mug, you flop face-first on your bed. Less information tends to be more with your mom. You’re debating what to say when she solves the problem for you.

“I know you haven’t had a slip in years,” she continues. “But if there’s another water Elemental in town, you should try to steer clear of them! Being around them could set you off – that’s what happened to Becky’s nephew, she said.”

Fighting an eye roll, you roll on your back. Becky Mayweather is your mom’s best friend in the entire world and one of your least favorite people. She’s the type to bake cookies, offer a shoulder to cry on – and then promptly turn and gossip to the neighbors about it. She fancies herself an Elemental expert because a few of her friends married them. Funnily enough, neither you nor your mom have met these friends in person.

“Oh?” you ask. “I never noticed.”

“It’s true! You know that I worry, Y/N. All alone in the city with another Elemental for a roommate…”

Annoyance spikes in your stomach. “His name is Seokjin, and I’m an Elemental too, mom. His mom could say the same thing about me.”

Seokjin’s mom could be saying that, but she wouldn’t because Seokjin’s mom and dad are both magic enthusiasts. The few times you met them, they were nothing but kind.

“Oh, Y/N.” Your mom sighs. “It’s not the same.”

“Why not?”

“Watch your tone,” she says. “I’m only telling the truth. You work hard on controlling your magic. Your roommate, on the other hand, uses his magic willy-nilly. In broad daylight! You two couldn’t be more different.”

Your mom isn’t wrong about that, although not for the reason she thinks. Seokjin does use his magic freely, but you’re the one at risk of hurting others – not him.

“Seokjin is a good guy,” you say tightly. “He’s letting me stay here, rent-free, while I search for another job.”

“Another job?” Her voice pitches. “What happened to the job at that restaurant?”

Cursing yourself for your own stupidity, you close your eyes. “Um… I was let go. Difference of opinions with management.”

“Oh. Well. That’s too bad, Y/N, I’m sorry. It’s probably for the best – you don’t want to be working for someone you don’t respect, right?”

Some of your anger lessens at her genuine sympathy. It’d be easy to paint your mom as the villain but truthfully, she comes from a good place. You know that she loves you; she just doesn’t want to lose you the same way she lost your dad.

Exhaling deeply, you reach to grab a pillow. “I’ve been trying to paint,” you say. “It hasn’t been going well.”

“No?”

You frown at the obvious joy in her voice.

“Yeah,” you admit.

“Well…” Your mom draws the word out. “We always knew art was a risky hobby, Y/N. Painting. With watercolors. Something could easily go wrong and put you in danger.”

“I know, mom.”

“Actually,” she adds, her excitement growing. “Maybe this is a sign. Y/N – what if this means your powers are weakening?”

Your entire body goes still. “What?”

“Yes!” she says, oblivious to the panic in your voice. “You always loved watercolors because they made sense to you, right? Because of your… well, magic. What if a block means your powers are growing weaker? I wonder if other Elementals ever lose touch with their magic. I’ll have to ask Becky.”

Irrational anger surges within, and you hear the faucet in your bathroom turn on. Hastily, you work to turn it back off.

“You don’t need to do that,” you blurt. “I’ll research it myself. Actually, I should get going – I wanted to apply for some jobs this morning.”

“Oh, yes – good call, honey. You go and apply. Let me know if you need help. Becky has connections with the local university. I’m sure someone could help you update your resume – or even apply, if that sounds interesting to you.”

“Thanks,” you say, although it absolutely does not. “That’s a nice offer.”

“Have a good day, honey – I love you!”

“Love you, too,” you say before hanging up.

Dropping the phone onto your bed, you hug your pillow tightly. It takes several long minutes to relax, wading your way through an anxious sea of thought. Although your mom means well, conversations with her tend to leave you feeling drained. Since you were young, it’s felt like your mom has an idea of the perfect child, and they aren’t you.

Eventually, you stand to bring your mug to the kitchen. Seokjin is busy making another pot of coffee, the delicious scent wafting overhead.

Passing him by, you eye this warily. “Isn’t that your third pot this morning?”

“And?” Seokjin reaches for his mug. “You’ve had three cups yourself.”

“Touché,” you sigh, collapsing on the couch.

Minutes later, Seokjin enters the living room and hands you a mug.

Staring into the drink, you say, “Thanks.”

Settling onto the sofa, Seokjin examines you over the rim of his coffee. You ignore him, taking a long sip of your drink. A summer breeze wafts through the window, and with a flick of his wrist, Seokjin sends it back out.

A stab of envy goes through you, although you know it’s irrational. Seokjin always makes magic look easy, but you’ve never found it to be so. Maybe when you were younger, before the crippling fear and anxiety had a chance to set in. The only time magic ever felt normal was when you painted and now, you can’t even do that.

Thinking about painting makes you think about Jungkook though, causing the dull thud in your chest to become a sledgehammer. You miss him. Miss the easy way Jungkook made you laugh. How he insisted on constantly touching some part of your body.

Cupping your mug of coffee, you take another sip and sink into the sadness.

“Far be it from me to dole out advice.” Seokjin interrupts your tiny pity party. “But I think you’re going about this the wrong way.”

Too exhausted to argue, you merely exhale. “What’s the right way, then?”

His head tilts. “I don’t know. But I find it weird your block appeared around the same time you started dating Jungkook. You’ve…” Seokjin hesitates, and you recognize his how-do-I-put-this-delicately face. “You’ve given up a lot over the years, Y/N. Maybe this time, you gave up more of yourself than you realized.”

Silently, you wonder whether he’s right. For too long, you’ve gone through the motions of life without really living. Too scared of letting people in, scaring them off, of being yourself. Perhaps giving up Jungkook will be the final straw. The thought doesn’t comfort you, and you have no response.

After a moment, Seokjin turns on the TV. The morning slips by, though you can’t help but think about his earlier comments – could you control your magic if you tried harder? The moment you think this, you instantly banish the thought. You’ve been attempting for months, and nothing has worked.

With this cheery thought, you allow yourself to sink further into melancholy. Only this time, the water rushing overheard isn’t your friend. You aren’t sure it ever was.

Wednesday morning, you leave the apartment in a haze. You thought that by today, things would be better but if anything, the situation seems to be worse.

Missing Jungkook is painful.

It hurts more than you thought, which might sound stupid, but that doesn’t make it any less true. When you and Elliot broke up, it was sad, but you knew it was for the best and that lessened some of the pain. Now though, each beat of your heart prevents the wound from closing. A tentative scab in one second, only to be torn open the next.

Jungkook always sent you good morning texts. Not because he was up before you, but because he went to bed so late, it was only an hour or two before you awoke. His words were the first thing you read in the morning, smiling sleepily at his rambling. Sometimes, Jungkook would include a late-night snack recipe. Always, he’d end with something he liked about you.

His silence is deafening. Something not even your favorite coffee shop can fix, although you try. Standing in line, you aimlessly flip through songs on your phone. Today, you promised Seokjin you’d attend at least two interviews. The first one is in an hour at a sushi restaurant. Before then, you plan to load up on caffeine and organize your thoughts.

When the line moves forward, you flip to your messages. No new texts. Unsurprising, but it rends the scab in your heart anew.

Facing forward, you remove an earbud to order. “Hi,” you say, mustering a smile. “I’ll have an iced americano with rose syrup.”

“Got it.” The barista barely looks up. “That all?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Want a receipt?”

“Nope.”

“Cool.” She nods. “That’ll be ready soon at the end of the counter.”

Nodding your thanks, you replace the ear pod. Cranking your music louder, you wait for your coffee and lean against the counter. The coffee shop is tiny, empty for a weekday after the morning rush. Aimless, you glance over the clustered tables.

Your thoughts are on Jungkook before they can be stopped. You wonder what he's doing, what he’s wearing, whether he’s blocked your number yet from his phone.

A talented graphic designer, Jungkook works mostly on commission and on his own time. He does well for himself – enough to afford rent on his own place. Your mutual creative streak was something you had in common. Not your sleeping hours, that’s for sure.

Jungkook usually slept until nine or ten, then went to the gym before he made breakfast. You used to tease him about that, saying he couldn’t call it breakfast if –

Your heart falters. Jungkook must be on your mind since you seem to have hallucinated him here, at the coffee shop. You blink once, and then twice, but the mirage doesn’t fade, and you’re forced to conclude Jungkook is actually here.

Unfolding himself from a chair, he heads in your direction. Panicked, you glance at the counter, then back up. Your coffee hasn’t finished, which means that you’re trapped. Straightening, you do your best to seem natural and are certain you fail. Jungkook doesn’t just look natural, he is so as he approaches. At least, until you notice his hands in his pockets.

Jungkook does this when he’s nervous. Likely, he’s playing with the inside pocket lining. It hurts, knowing him so well, and not being his. When Jungkook comes to a stop, you stand mere inches apart.

“Jungkook,” you say, his name punched from your diaphragm.

He nods. “Hey.”

Uncertain, you glance down at the counter to check for your drink. Still nothing and, looking back, you tilt your head. “What are you doing here?”

Jungkook’s hands go deeper, if possible. “Getting coffee. Is that allowed?”

Your lips press together. “Sure. Theoretically, you can get coffee. What I’m asking though, is why you chose this coffee shop, five blocks away from your place. Usually, you’re not awake before noon.”

His expression is inscrutable. “Couldn’t sleep.”

“Ah.”

The silence between you lengthens, and not in a good way. You know why you’re quiet but can’t tell what Jungkook is thinking. You suppose that it’s possible he woke up early, forgot this was your favorite shop and went on a long walk for coffee – it’s possible, but unlikely.

At last, Jungkook exhales. “Alright, fine. I wanted to see you.”

“Y/N?”

Both of you turn at the sound of your name. Glancing between the two of you, the barista seems to pick up a weird vibe, dropping the cup to hurry away. Grateful for the interruption, you reach for your coffee and attempt to reset.

It’s not fair of Jungkook, corning you like this. You were already forced to end this once – unfair, making you do so again. Breaking up with him once was barely possible; twice is unthinkable.

“Don’t you have anything else to say?”

His voice interrupts your train of thought and, gripping your drink tightly, you turn.

“Like what?” you ask.

“Like, I don’t know.” His brow furrows, frustration obvious. “Anything, Y/N.”

Behind the counter, the barista fills a tea kettle to set this on the stove. You watch it instead of Jungkook, unsure how you’re going to do this again. The pressure of the water boiling is near tangible, mimicking the internal state of your mind.

Biting your tongue, you decide a safe exit is best. Jungkook will get the hint without you being forced to break his heart. Counting backwards from ten, you exhale and attempt to walk past.

“I’m sorry you came all this way,” you say in a murmur.

You’re nearly past Jungkook when you hear a soft swear. Only one more step happens before his hand grips your elbow.

“Y/N, please,” Jungkook breathes, turning you towards him.

Your gaze lifts and you start at his obvious pain. Staring back, Jungkook searches your face for something unspoken. Whatever he seeks, he must find it, since determination enters his.

You tear your gaze away. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Jungkook.”

“I want to know if you were serious about breaking up.”

He’s still holding your elbow.

You must notice this at the same time, but neither of you move. Your gaze returns to his, drawn like a magnet and you realize your mistake when you can’t look away. Romeo’s line about Julie being the sun comes to mind, making sudden sense. You orbit around Jungkook, whether you like it or not.

In the background, a tea kettle whistles. “I meant what I said, Jungkook,” you say, forcing yourself to speak first. “I’m not good for you.”

A muscle in his jaw feathers. “But why,” he demands, frustration seeping through. You can hear in his voice the long nights of desperation, of little sleep in your absence. “I don’t understand what went wrong, Y/N. What did I do?”

A chasm in your chest opens, hating how easily he jumps to self-doubt. Before you can think better of it, you move closer.

“Nothing,” you say, one hand on his arm. “You did nothing wrong, Jungkook. I’m just not in a place where I can be in a relationship.”

“But why not?” His gaze sharpens. “Everything was fine between us until Sunday.”

“Everything was not fine.”

Jungkook pauses, then barrels on. “When you say you can’t be in a relationship… what you’re really saying is you can’t be in a relationship with me.”

“With anyone,” you correct, although you aren’t sure that’s the truth.

Your magic has never been this temperamental. Possibly because this is the first time you’ve fallen in love. Dating someone not Jungkook would be safer, but the thought is abhorrent.

If you can’t have Jungkook, you don’t want anyone. That will be your punishment. Jungkook will move on, fall in love, and be happy with another person. Not you. No one else will compare, and if you can’t now, you doubt you’ll move past this crippling fear.

“You keep telling me that,” Jungkook says, growing heated. “But I’m the one you’re breaking up with, so it’s a little bit about me. You need to give me something, Y/N. Is this about your past? I know you don’t like to talk about your childhood, but I want to know.”

A loud buzzing fills your ears, gaze darting around. You haven’t told Jungkook much about your family, not wanting to invite questions about being an Elemental. The thought of him guessing sparks panic again, and the tea kettle on the stove whistles louder.

“People in my past hurt me,” you say in a rush. Magic itches beneath your skin, begging for escape. “That’s part of it, but not all.”

“What’s all, then?”

Frustration seeps past the wall, and several things happen. Your magic lashes out, a loud noise makes you jump, and the tea kettle shatters while hitting the floor. Water sloshes across the tile, steam hissing as the barista jumps back with a yelp.

Startled, you whirl around. One barista turns off the stove, another grabs a towel while a third finds a broom. Luckily, none of them seem injured – the tea kettle missed their skin. Taking a half-step towards them, you force yourself to stop. Although you want to help, that might make you seem guilty.

Already, the guilt within you is rising. You felt your magic overpowering you and chose to stay. If a barista had been hurt, it would’ve been your fault.

Turning back, you find Jungkook staring at the mess. He looks similarly shocked, twisting the knife in your gut. If he knew you caused this, he’d look at you that differently.

“You see?” you blurt, and he glances in your direction. “Everyone around me gets hurt. I can’t hurt you, too, Jungkook.”

Shoving open the door, you’re halfway outside when his words reach your ears.

“That’s the thing, Y/N,” he says softly. “You already have.”

The door shuts behind you, and you almost make it home before starting to cry. The skies open again above the city.

“This can’t be a coincidence,” you mutter, staring through the window.

The slightly dilapidated Ramen-rama tables stare back at you until the owner walks past. Catching you standing there, he motions you on.

Somewhat chagrined, you trudge down the sidewalk. Reaching a playground two blocks away, you collapse on a bench and attempt to be rational. Four different interviews. Spread across two different days. Each one ending the exact same.

One crappy interview, even two, and you’d understand. But four crappy interviews in the same way? Something weird is happening. Each interview, you arrived, greeted the owner, answered a few questions, and were thus informed the position was filled.

It wasn’t that you hadn’t gotten a job. It was that your interviewers seemed nervous, staring hard at your resume and never your face. They seemed relieved when you left, as though you were liable to break something for fun.

“Hey. Did you interview this morning at Ramen-rama?”

Startled, you turn and find a stranger beside you.

You don’t recognize him; certainly you’d remember if you met before. Dressed in a Ramen-rama t-shirt, his dark hair is gathered in a bun on his head. His hair makes your chest ache, since Jungkook used to wear his like that.

“Um, yeah,” you say, yanking yourself from your daydreams.

He smiles and nods. “I thought that was you. Listen – I overheard the manager talking this morning on the phone while I was unloading the truck. I think he was talking about you, so I thought I should tell you what I overheard.”

Concerned, you straighten. “Uh, okay. What was he saying?”

“He was talking to your old boss – Pierre? Apparently, he’s calling around and warning people not to hire you. Said that you stole from him, or something. Not sure if it’s the same story for everyone, or if he’s making up shit up in the moment.”

Your jaw nearly drops. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah.” The guy’s smile turns wry. “I’m assuming none of it’s true. You don’t look like the thieving type, but the boss is running a business, I guess. Can’t be too careful.”

“Right.” You pause, then shake your head. “I didn’t steal, just so you know. A guest was an ass to me, so I dumped water on him – on accident,” you add.

Laughing loudly, the guy clutches his bicycle. “Wow, I’d love to hear that story. Especially the part about it being an accident,” he adds with a wink, sticking out his hand. “I’m Wooyoung.”

“Y/N,” you say as you shake. “So. Pierre is calling people?”

Brow furrowed, Wooyoung pulls back. “Yeah. Sorry I had to tell you like this. Wasn’t sure whether you’d want to know, but figured I should.”

You push yourself to stand. “I do appreciate it. Thanks for telling me.”

“No problem.” Sheepish, he glances down the road. “I should actually get back if I don’t want to lose my job. Delivery,” he explains, nodding towards his bike. “Need the extra income.”

“Makes sense,” you say, forcing a smile. “Good luck.”

Wooyoung nods, then pauses in a way that feels familiar. He’s checking you out, you realize after a moment. Although flattering, it’s instantly followed by a rush of guilt. Wooyoung is cute and in another life, you’d say yes, but in every life, it’s hard not to want Jungkook.

Waving goodbye, Wooyoung climbs onto his bike and takes off. You head in the opposite direction, needing to put distance between you and Ramen-rama. If Pierre is shit-talking you across town, you’ll be hard-pressed to find another job at a restaurant. Owners are notoriously clicky and for how many restaurants there are, there are surprisingly few out of the loop.

Maybe you can ask the coffee shop if they’re hiring. Although you should probably avoid work with water for a bit. This drops your mood, your thoughts turning desperate. You’re so deep in an anxiety spiral, you nearly run into an open door on the sidewalk.

Jerking upright, you stare at faded, golden letters. Creative Courage is spelled in looping cursive over a frosted window. Art supplies fill a display case, while the other is clustered with art of all kinds. You spot sculpture, pottery, painting, and sketches before losing count.

Before you can chicken out, you push open the door.

Stepping in, tiny bells chime to announce your arrival. Soft, ambient light fills the space – a shop that’s two-fold, you realize now that you’re inside. The front sells art supplies while in the back stands a classroom. There’s a class in session now, several artists seated on stools before easels.

“Can I help you?” someone asks, stepping into your path.

Blinking, you focus. “Um, no – thank you! I was just looking.”

“Of course!” The woman beams, reaching up to arrange a clip in magenta hair. “That’s what we’re here for. If you do change your mind, let me know – we’ve got art supplies out front, and classes are held daily in back.”

“Classes?”

“Mhm.” Crossing her arms, the woman nods. “Mostly still life and figure drawing, but we’re hoping to add some more soon. Are you an artist?” she asks, sounding hopeful.

Immediately, you stiffen. “No. At least, not right now.”

Her lips twitch. “Not sure it works like that, unfortunately. Who you are can’t come on and off like a jacket. I like that, though,” she admits with a laugh. “Might borrow it the next time the muses aren’t singing.”

You can’t help but grin. “Exactly.”

Her head tilts, surveying you with unnerving intensity. “My name is Taryn. I co-own this place with my partner, Micah. They’re the one teaching right now.”

“Oh,” you say, somewhat wistful. “That’s nice.”

“Thanks.” Her smile widens. “So, what was your preferred medium? You know, ‘back when’ you were an artist.”

You can’t help but laugh when Taryn lifts her hands to use air quotes. Some people have a way of making you feel included in their jokes, and Taryn is one of them. She teases you in a conspiratorial way, letting you know she understands. People often call art a labor of love, which can be true but more often, it’s a complicated tangle of love, pain and frustration.

“Watercolors,” you admit. “And my name is Y/N.”

Her eyes brighten. “We’ve been meaning to add a watercolor class for ages. Some of our regulars have asked, but Micah and I are both hopeless. Potter,” she explains, gesturing at herself. “And Micah prefers charcoal. Sometimes sculpture.”

“Wow,” you say. “Those are very different.”

“You don’t say.” Taryn laughs. “Micah likes to keep things fresh. What about you? Have you ever taught be– hang on,” she blurts, her eyes going wide. “Did you say that your name is Y/N? As in Y/N Y/L/N?”

Your cheeks heat. “Yeah, that’s me.”

Whirling, Taryn hustles through the front room to duck behind a counter. Digging through several drawers, she pulls out a print to hurry back.

“Is this you?” she demands, thrusting this in your face.

Even cross-eyed and close, you recognize your most popular work. A watercolor series on the majesty and destruction of sea storms. Looking at this makes you feel raw, and so you look up.

“Yep,” you admit. “That’s me.”

Pulling back, Taryn looks at the print reverently. “You’re amazing. Micah was trying to do something similar but couldn’t capture the right feeling.”

Shuffling awkwardly, you shrug. You’ve never felt as though your work deserved acclaim, although it’s nice to know the series resonated with others. One of your favorite aspects of art is how it can be intensely personal but once shared, takes on a universal quality. You find it constantly surprising; how many people seem to share the same burdens.

“Seriously.” Taryn shakes her head wryly. “If you ever wanted to teach a class, let me know. We’d be lucky to have you here.”

“Thank you,” you say, stuffing both hands in your pockets.

You hadn’t realized your desperation was obvious. Or possibly Taryn is just incredibly good at reading others. Truthfully, it’s been a while since you stepped foot in the art world. Even before dating Jungkook, you felt your passion lagging. It’s been a long time since you wanted to connect with your inner voice, although merely the act of being here calls the tide in your blood.

Dangerous.

Recognizing this, you reinforce an inner wall. “I’m sorry,” you repeat. “I’m not really looking for something right now.”

Taryn nods. “Sure. If things change though, just let me know – before next week,” she adds. “We try to publish our class schedule on the first of each month.”

“Will do. Thanks, again.”

“Anytime!” Beaming, Taryn spins to restock the next shelf.

Realizing your conversation is finished, you continue down the next aisle. The shop’s materials are superb, and your fingers are itching to reach out and touch. Reaching the front, you notice a quote painted over the register: Creativity takes courage – Henry Matisse.

You stare at this for a while, unsure why it hurts. Courage isn’t something you’ve thought about in a long time. When you were younger, you pushed people away because it was safe, but now you find yourself wondering who was that for – others? Or yourself?

Maybe the reason you keep yourself separate is because you are afraid people might leave you. Like Katrina. Or Elliot. Or even your dad.

Suppressing magic was hard at the start. Everything about it felt counter-intuitive but you reasoned doing the right thing often took effort. This is what you told yourself, anyways. It made said effort more bearable.

When you first began painting, the relief you felt was immense. After so long spent ignoring your emotions, you found a space to be free. Your series about the sea was oddly therapeutic, working through complicated emotions; your love for the ocean, coupled with fear of its wild beauty. Similar clashes within yourself about magic. And always, always, the desire for more.

For a few hours though, those feelings could be a part of you. Magic could be a part of you, so long as you remained in control – and with brush in hand, you were.

Only now does it occur to you that maybe, this wasn’t healthy. Maybe you shouldn’t feel the need to compartmentalize, as though certain pieces of yourself can only exist in certain spaces.

Tearing your gaze from the words, you exit the shop and gently shut the door. Pulling your jacket tighter, you head down the sidewalk and let your thoughts drift. Jungkook only saw you paint once, but the memory is hard to forget.

You had just started dating, barely past the stage of calling him ‘boyfriend.’ The constant influx of emotion was difficult to manage, and after a few weeks, you were exhausted. Most of your time spent without Jungkook was seated before your canvas. After one particularly frustrating session, you set down your paint to stubbornly stare at the canvas.

A throat cleared from behind.

Startled, you spun and found Jungkook standing there. His gaze moved quickly to yours, but you realized he’d been staring at your half-finished work. Normally, you felt panic at the thought of someone seeing a work in progress. That night though, the look on Jungkook’s face eased your concerns. Awe; pure and clear.

Yanking down giant, over-ear headphones, you hastily stood.

Jungkook lurched forward. “No!” he blurted, only to halt. “I mean – you don’t have to cover the painting. I liked it.”

He seemed flustered, which made you slightly flustered, but you took a slow step sideways. Eager, Jungkook’s gaze traversed the canvas.

Eventually, he looked back. “Sorry about that,” Jungkook said and walked closer. Warm hands found your waist. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“How did you get in?” you laughed, burying your face in his chest.

“Seokjin.” He paused. “Did he not say I was here? I texted you a half hour ago, but you didn’t respond. I figured I’d stop by, and Seokjin said to come up.”

Softening, you made a mental note to chastise Seokjin later. Tightening your arms, you lifted your head and smiled.

“So.” Jungkook glanced over your shoulder. “This is you.”

This sent a thrill down your spine. He spoke as though he’d known you before, but only on a surface level and now, he understood. Jungkook knew your art was part of you, as much as your heart or your soul. You had often felt the same, but never said so out loud.

Magic swelled, and you pushed it back down, but it was difficult. When Jungkook bent his head, you forgot to be scared and let yourself feel. The brush of his lips. The tightening of his hands. The current within you, swelling against your highest walls.

Loudly, someone knocked on the door. Breathless, you jerked backwards and found Seokjin in the door.

“Hey.” He jerked a thumb over one shoulder. “Wanted to let you know our dishwasher broke. Flooded the kitchen.” Pointed, Seokjin looked at you. “Everything is all good, but I’m calling a plumber tomorrow. Carry on.”

In a flurry of embarrassment, you abruptly ended the evening and sent Jungkook home.

Remembering how the night ended, you stifle a groan and walk faster. Once more, you couldn’t control your magic and put Jungkook in danger. Hardly the creative courage Henry Matisse imagined.

You always assumed suppressing your magic was the best choice. But the best choice for who? Certainly not for you, who lives isolated, inert and in fear of yourself. Your dad used to call your magic a gift, but it’s been a long time since you felt that way.

This memory brings with it a sharp stab of pain. Since your dad passed, fear has replaced any joy your magic brought. Fear of falling victim to the same fate he did. Of others’ rejection. Of failing to live up to your father’s example.

You have little doubt that if your dad could see you now, he’d be confused by your actions.

You push others away in the name of saving them. Again, you think of Jungkook and for once you allow it. The entire way home, you wish that he’d call.

He doesn’t though and eventually, you stop hoping.

By Friday, the threads keeping your feelings at bay are nearly worn through. Intrusive thoughts push against fragile bonds, threatening the haven you’ve carefully crafted.

With more force than needed, you toss clothing into the washer. Your usual laundromat was closed, forcing you to walk five blocks to the next one. Sweaty from suddenly sweltering temperatures, your arms sore from the hamper, the situation does nothing to improve an already crappy mood.

Wiping your forehead with one arm, you slam the door and press start. The machine whirs to life, laundry tumbling in a way reminiscent of your inner turmoil. Up, you did the right thing by ending it with Jungkook. He’ll swiftly move on and find someone else. Down – but you don’t want him to find someone else. You want him to find you.

Teeth gritted, you turn and grab your hamper from the floor. Placing this on the washer, you wearily tug your cell phone from your pocket. By the time you walked home, you’d have to come back, leaving you with forty minutes to kill. You could read more of the book you just started. Or submit your resume to a couple of restaurants.

After yesterday’s disaster at Ramen-rama though, the interview process has stalled. Instead, you’ve found yourself thinking more about Creative Courage. For a brief moment, you even walked into the third bedroom to paint.

You immediately walked back out again, but merely the act was more than you’ve done in months. The thought of creation brought mostly panic, since it’d involve you being honest. Something you haven’t been with yourself in a while.

Because if you were honest, you know what you’d find. You would regret breaking up with Jungkook. Maybe even find that, deep down, you want to be selfish. You want to keep dating him, even if Jungkook gets hurt in the end.

After all, you saw what loving an Elemental did to your mom.

Putting down your phone, you scan the laundromat and find your gaze catching on the person in the next aisle.

No. No, no, no – absolutely not.

The universe – or whoever’s writing your story – must be cruel and unusual, since standing beside you is Jungkook. You’d recognize his head anywhere. Straightening from his hamper, Jungkook turns to face you and goes still.

Eyes wide, he seems stunned until someone slams shut their dryer. Both of you jump, breaking eye contact and time seems to reset. Pressing start on his machine, Jungkook grabs his gym bag and hoists it over one shoulder. He strides towards the exit, halfway there when you spring into action.

Dashing towards him, you cut him off at the dryers. Footsteps slowing, Jungkook meets your gaze with visible confusion.

“Sorry,” he says, tugging his gym bag behind him. The thick, grey strap of it cuts across his hoodie. “I was just leaving. I can come back later if you want to finish your load.”

Again, he tries to move past you, but something inside of you snaps. You aren’t sure what possesses you, but somehow, find your hand gripping his sleeve.

Startled, Jungkook stares.

Equally swift, you withdraw. “I, uh…”

Head spinning, all your words seem to fly out the window. Nothing about this was planned. You have no idea what to tell Jungkook besides I’m sorry, and even this would be woefully inadequate without explanation. Which you can’t give.

“You don’t have to leave on my account,” you say at last.

A singular brow lifts. “No? You didn’t seem to think that way on Wednesday.”

You suppress a wince, although you try your best to hide it. “I know,” you admit. “It’s just… this is your usual laundromat. I don’t want you to leave because of me. I wouldn’t even be here, expect the one near me is broken and –”

“Got it,” he interrupts, the words tight. “You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t have to be.”

Swallowing hard, you stare down at your shoes. You know you deserve this, but it’s just so hard to see Jungkook hurting. He deserves to be happy, not wasting his energy on hating you.

“Okay,” you whisper.

Your eyes start to burn, and you squeeze them shut to prevent a reaction. You absolutely cannot cry in front of Jungkook. Not when you’re the one who started this; the very last thing you want him to feel for you is pity.

“Hey.” Something in his tone shifts, and you hear Jungkook step closer. When you open your eyes, he watches you intently. “What’s wrong?”

A tiny fissure within your chest splinters.

Anyone else could have asked those words, and you would have been able to answer. For Jungkook to do so is unthinkable. You’re the one who ruined this. The one who hurt him, who ended this and still, Jungkook is concerned about your well-being.

“I was fired on Sunday,” you say in a rush. “Before I came to see you.”

He blinks only once before his face hardens. “Before you broke up with me, you mean.”

“Yeah,” you whisper.

Running his tongue over the back of his teeth, Jungkook glances away. His expression is taut, and you feel a sharp pang of envy. It’s so easy to read Jungkook. You’ve spent so long hiding your emotions, it strikes you as luxurious how easily he feels.

A muscle in his jaw tics. “Y/N,” Jungkook says, turning back. “What are you doing?”

“What… do you mean?”

Fear spikes your heart, wondering if Jungkook has finally pieced the facts together. Maybe he saw more than you realized at the coffee shop. Maybe he finally knows what you are.

“Why are you… torturing me?” he clarifies, a slight rasp to his voice. “I don’t know what you want me to say. You were fired? That sucks, but it doesn’t make this okay. It doesn’t make us okay,” he adds, gesturing to the air between you.

“I – I know,” you stammer, nearly blurting out something you’ll regret.

Like that you’re an Elemental teetering close to the edge. One who can feel every pipe, every spin cycle within the walls of this laundromat. All of them churning, pulsing, begging for your magic to release the water inside.

“You know?” Jungkook stares at you, incredulous. “Again, Y/N – what do you want from me?”

Since you started talking, you’ve moved several steps closer. Another breath, another reach and you’d be in his arms. Glancing down, you notice how quickly Jungkook’s chest rises and falls.

He’s afraid, you realize. Jungkook’s fear isn’t the same one as yours, though. He isn’t afraid that you’ll see him, but rather that you’ll destroy him.

Realizing this, a barrier within you crumbles. “It doesn’t matter what I want,” you say, somewhat desperate.

“You keep saying that.” Determined, he steps closer and somehow, your hand entwines with his to press against his chest. “You keep saying you don’t want this, but you won’t tell me why. Won’t tell me anything, Y/N – you were fired, and this is the first time I’m hearing it.”

“I couldn’t tell you!” you blurt. “I can’t explain it, Jungkook, but I couldn’t tell you when it happened.”

His gaze sharpens. “Then, yeah, maybe you’re right. Maybe we are better off broken up.”

Releasing you, Jungkook brushes past you and heads for the exit. You stare blankly at the wall before you, your whole world caving in as your head starts to spin. Magic seeps beyond your fractured walls, flooding your veins in desperate search for an exit.

“That’s not true,” you protest, spinning around. “I’ve told you more than anyone else in my life, Jungkook. I’ve let you in in ways no one else has.”

Jungkook stiffens at the door, his entire body taut. For a single, long moment, it seems as though he might reconsider but the longer you stand there, the more you watch the fight drain from the lines of his shoulders.

“I don’t doubt that’s true,” he says, hand hovering above the doorknob. “But that’s not the same as letting me in.”

He starts to go.

Everything around you becomes white noise.

When you were ten, you passed a famous dam on one of your cross-country moves. Your mom took you to see it, swinging your hand while entering the viewing platform.

The moment you saw it, you went wholly still. Trillions of gallons of water, trapped behind concrete, constantly pushing but unable to break. It felt like your magic. Raw, untamed power contained by a solid wall. You stared for longer than any other visitor, until your mom pulled your arm and said you should leave.

The entire way to the car, your mom was silent and once you were buckled in, she twisted around to see you. “Listen to me, Y/N,” she said, her voice serious. “That dam will only work if the wall holds. If the wall breaks, do you know what happens?”

Silent, you shook your head.

“The water will flood the whole valley. Everyone in its path, all the forest – they’d be gone. The wall can’t break, or bad things happen. Do you understand me?”

Solemn, you nodded because even then, you understood. Although your magical dam was intangible, it held equal importance. You had to hold in the magic, otherwise bad things would happen. So long as the wall was in place, you were safe.

Now though, you squeeze your eyes tightly as the wall starts to crumble.

Emotions break with the force of a tidal wave, racing ahead and drowning all in its path. Memories you thought were long buried continue to rise, crushing you further. Your walls are destroyed in a matter of seconds.

You remember your dad, kissing you on the head before leaving the house. Katrina’s stricken expression when the door shut in her face. Jungkook, asking you what he’d done wrong again.

Each memory drags you under, and you shudder against the onslaught. It takes everything you have to remain standing while your restraint dissolves.

Hands grip your arms.

Surprised, your eyes fly open to find Jungkook before you. His neck muscles strain, yelling to be heard over thundering water. You try your best to focus, to rein your magic back in – only to realize with horror, it might be too late.

The laundromat around you is in chaos. Several ceiling pipes have burst, water crashing down in torrents of water. Already, waves lap at your ankles. Noise filters back in, flickering before solidifying to something substantial.

People are screaming, abandoning their hampers in an attempt to get out. The door has stuck though, unable to open under the onslaught of water. Jungkook yells again, and this time you hear him.

“Are you okay?” he bellows, close to your face.

You stare upward, stupefied. Another pipe bursts, and you think that was you, but it’s hard to be sure. Hard to understand which parts are in control and which parts are not. What particular emotion is holding the reins at any moment.

Determination replaces fear in his face, and Jungkook bends before you have time to blink. In an instant, you’re tossed over his shoulder. A yelp escapes, upside-down but he’s already wading through the aisle of washers.

Jungkook shouts at people to move, but no one is listening. After a moment, you feel him exhale and surge forward. Although you can’t see, the people seem to be moving, so Jungkook must appear confident.

Grasping the door, he pulls on it, hard. Nothing happens. Exhaling, Jungkook grips your waist tighter and mutters, “Hold on.”

You don’t have time to ask why, since he yanks harder and the entire frame shudders. Jungkook does this again and another pipe bursts, drawing your gaze. By the time you look back, the door has budged an inch and water is pouring out. With a final wrench, Jungkook yanks open the door.

People shove past him, rushing into the street with the tide of water. Spinning around, Jungkook shields you with his frame from the wet crush of bodies. His grip never wavers, feet anchored to the ground as though they’ve rocks themselves.

With each breath, your pulse slows until finally, you locate the faint threads of magic. Before, you felt too much at once. The crush was overwhelming but now, you manage to breach the surface. For the first time, you see your panic influencing the tide.

Realizing this, you reach inward and try to – turn. With great effort, you identify the source of your power and disconnect. Water in the ceiling slows to a trickle, and then, nothing.

Exhaling against your neck, Jungkook’s hand moves lower.

You can’t help but shiver. “Jungkook?” you murmur into his shoulder.

“Yeah?”

“Could you… you know, set me down?”

“Oh.”

Somewhat sheepish, Jungkook lowers you to face him. He doesn’t step away, and neither do you. If this is the last time you see him, you want to be selfish and make it as long as possible.

He stares back at you, waterdrops caught between his lashes. In the background, water continues to drip from a pipe. The soft plink-plink echoes the thud of your heart.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

Jungkook’s hands remain on your waist, his touch scrambling all semblance of sanity. You aren’t sure how to answer without being honest.

Truthfully, you’re not okay.

An okay person wouldn’t break up with their boyfriend and then, six days later throw themselves in their path. An okay person wouldn’t be hiding their magic, they wouldn’t be lying to the person they love and most of all, wouldn’t continue to place that same person in danger.

Silent, you survey the aftermath of your outburst. Deep down, your magic itches in response to your panic. Seeping outward, it seeks to mold to the fear, but you manage to stop it. Something about the wall being gone makes your power less alien. No longer an unknown variable, but a constant.

“No,” you exhale. Steeling yourself, you take a step backwards. “No, Jungkook, I’m not okay. I… this is exactly why you should stay away from me. Bad things happen, and I can’t control them. I’m so sorry.”

Again, you brace yourself for his anger, but it never comes. Jungkook is unusually quiet, head cocked to one side. He sees right through you, a sensation unnerving enough that you drop your gaze.

“I should go,” you repeat, stepping around him. Reaching your washer, you hastily unload your soggy clothing. “I have to go.”

Jungkook says nothing, although you feel his gaze on the back of your head. Hefting your hamper, you slam the door shut, and turn. The water level at your ankles has dropped, no more than a centimeter remaining in the room.

Sirens wail in the distance, likely on their way to investigate. Your stomach lurches, recognizing the cost of your magic. As soon as possible, you should reach out to Seokjin. His company might be able to cover the damage if the laundromat can’t.

Nearing the exit, you look anywhere but at Jungkook’s face. “I’m sorry,” you repeat, unsure what else to say. “Really, I am.”

Again, he lets you move past. Water rushes out when you open the door, seeking the street, then the gutter. Hurrying past, you can’t shake the feeling something has changed.

Not only with you and Jungkook, but with you and your magic. Silent, you prod the place deep within from which your magic stems. You’re used to a wall, feeling closed off but now, it seems your mom was right.

Once shattered, the dam can’t be rebuilt.

A weightlessness accompanies this that you didn’t anticipate. Despite the terror of your outburst, there was a moment near the end when you stopped it. When you felt what was wrong and controlled your outburst of magic. You haven’t done that before.

The thought is followed by regret, remembering Jungkook. When you broke up, it was supposed to save him. Instead, you’ve only put him – and yourself – in greater danger. Maybe because you’ve continued to see him. Everything would be fine if you moved or kept your distance.

But then, another part of you wonders if you were wrong from the start. Maybe instead of providing distance, you should have come closer. Should have allowed Jungkook to decide whether he wanted to stay. After all, today, he experienced the worst of your powers, and he didn’t run. If anything, he moved closer.

Suddenly exhausted, you hail a cab. The driver grumbles at your wet clothes but allows you inside, and you tip him extra upon reaching your place. What you should do is find another laundromat and finish your load, but there’s an itch in your fingers you haven’t felt in some time.

Dropping your hamper at the door, you shutter yourself within the third bedroom. Not allowing yourself to second-guess, you sit down at your easel and pick up a brush.

For the first time in a long time, you allow the magic to flow. You paint.

 © kpopfanfictrash, 2023. Do not copy or repost without permission.

Author’s Note: thank you for reading so far! Continued in Part II, here.

[howi99]

A knight second chance 16

Cinder: *re-reading the information she was sent by Watts* It doesn't make sense! His entire childhood was completely mundane, he never trained and he falsified his transcripts!? This can't be the same Jaune Arc!!!

Mercury: Maybe he was trained secretly?

Cinder: *pointing the medical papers* He hadn't unlocked his aura during his latest check up... Which was just before he enrolled!

Emerald: *looking at his photos* ... Weird, his hair... They were still blonde when he arrived at Beacon and changed to white the day after initiation.

Mercury: So? Maybe he dyed his hair?

Emerald: *smirk* Trust me, it would be a lot more visible. They are naturally white, no dye at all.

Cinder: *pensive* I see... Could he have been replaced?

Emerald: I've re-watched their initiation multiple times, and it doesn't seem like it.

Cinder: (So mysterious... I wonder who you really are, Jaune Arc...)

_ next morning _

Cinder: *Being pushed against the wall, her eyes locking with Jaune's* W-what!? *Blushing furiously* What are you-!?

Jaune: *Serious* I can give you what you want, Cinder.

Cinder: *Blushing even more* J-Jaune, i m-might find you attractive, b-but that's a bit too quick!

Jaune: *confused* ... Oh right, you did mention- *shake his head* Wait, no, that's not the subject!

Cinder: *sounding a bit disappointed* O-oh...

Jaune: *looking around, seeing no one* ... *Unsure of himself* Look, i know who you really are, Cinder. Better than you can even imagine- *blocking her hands in his, so that if she wanted to use magic, she would hurt both him and herself* Hm... That's not going to work...

Cinder: *panicking* (Why is he so strong!? It really doesn't make sense! And he knows my weakness!? Does he work for Ozpin!?! Does he-) *sees a flash of light*

_ _ _

*as the world was being erased, only two persons remained*

Cinder: I just wanted to be free... To have friends... To have a normal life... *Smile, trying to hide the pain* I even had a crush on you, you know?

Jaune: *sigh* Cinder, this is the end. There's no reason to lie.

Cinder: I'm being honest here. *Sigh, looking at her hands who slowly fades away* maybe it's because i'll soon disappear that i don't mind sharing the truth anymore...

Jaune: *scratching the back of his head* Then i guess you can tell me everything. I'll probably forget it anyway.

Cinder: I never wanted to kill anyone. My first victims were my adoptive family, who tortured me every day of my life. And yet, it was an accident.

Jaune: Is that so?

Cinder: A man gifted me a sword and my two "siblings" tried to take it away. The sword slipped, killing one on the spot and the second tried to strangle me and... *Sigh* ... I broke her neck by accident. I wasn't thinking straight, i had an aura and not her...

Jaune: ...

Cinder: And after that? It was self defense. The madame tried to kill me and so i defended myself, then my mentor arrived and blamed me and tried attacking me. He didn't want to, but he had to... That night, i should have been the one to die...

Jaune: ... *Pat her back*

Cinder: ... *Chuckle* My dream, when i was a kid, was to become the Rusted Knight apprentice. I guess i became his arch-enemy instead, right?

Jaune: *nod* As if i would have wanted a devil like you as an apprentice.

Cinder: *sigh* I know, i-

Jaune: *smirk* I would have adopted you, and changed you for the better.

Cinder: *looking at Jaune, feeling herself disappearing* ... *Smiling, closing her eyes* Knowing you, you'd probably have been a great dad.

Jaune: You think so? *turning his head towards her* Cinder- *seeing the particles of light floating away* ... I'm sorry it had to be this way...

_ _ _

Cinder: *blinking the memory away* What was- *sees Jaune fighting with her Grimm parasite* !?

Jaune: *stomping repeatedly on the despicable abomination, killing it*

Cinder: *panicking* WHAT DID YOU DO!

Jaune: *smiling* I gave you your freedom!

Cinder: I-

Jaune: And i can give you the power you seek to. *Grin* You wanted to be the rusted Knight apprentice, right?

Cinder: *horrified* THAT WASN'T AN ILLUSION!?

Jaune: Nope! *Grab her hand* Now, come with me and i promise you that everything will be fine!

_ _ _

Ozpin: ... *Looking at the awakened Amber* And you are sure you have no memories of who attacked you?

Amber: *shake her head* No, nothing at all.

Ozpin: I... See.

_ _ _

Cinder: *crossing her arms* I can't believe you made me give up my powers. I feel so... Weak!

Jaune: *roll his eyes* Relax, there's someone who would be glad to give you her powers. A guy i know is trying to find her as we speak!

[moon-ayyye]

There are a lot of What-ifs when it comes to Jason Todd. What would've happened if bruce didn't take Jason in? What if Jason was taken in by Selina and became stray? what if jason didn't die? what if Jason was found before the lazarus pit? But one that i don't see at all is what if Jason didn't come back and just stayed with the All Caste?

The Lost Days arc would go about the same as in canon (without the jaytalia because ew), but after the car bomb thing doesn't pan out, Jason just starts looking into the batfam more. He sees his dad for the first time in years. He forgets everything and considers coming back home.

But then he finds out how his death was handled

Of course, he'd still be pissed off about tim becoming robin, but more than that, bruce and dick spun it so people thought tim was the second robin. Jason's whole identity was usurped and was prompted by alfred of all people. Add to that the memorial case and the victim blaming, as well as him not having a memorial in titans tower and tim talking shit about him every chance he gets, and jason starts to lose hope. But these things could be fixed! These could all be explained away as emotionally incompetent people compartmentaling in order to get over their grief! right?

Then he finds the footage of dick killing the joker for tim. Sure, the joker taunted dick using jason's memory, but it was him thinking tim was dead that really set him off. The final nail in the coffin would be bruce reviving the joker. Jason now has proof that 1. tim was indeed his replacement, and 2. Bruce's morals and dick's clean hands are worth more than his mangled corpse.

He scraps all of his plans because now he KNOWS that bruce would never kill the joker for him. Disillusioned with bruce and gotham in general, he sneaks into arkham and puts a bullet in the joker's skull, then goes to the all caste for training. If they didn't care about him, why should he care about them?

I think ducra would be less wary about training jason in this au, since his drive for revenge had dissipated, and he wouldn't "bring great evil into this world."

Since ducra wouldn't really show favouritism to jason, since he isn't as much of a flight risk or a time bomb, i think his and essence's relationship would go way better than in canon. Their main points of contention were jason leaving the caste and ducra's favouritism, and without those 2 factors, their relationship could actually flourish.

Due to the all blades being linked to the soul, it would make sense if the caste taught soul magic. This would make jason a way better fighter than any baseline vigilante or assassin. Maybe he could use his abilities to hide his body language to avoid shiva and cass' ability? The all caste doesn't get massacred here, so he learns how to really socialise, talk with people with different experiences, so he could occasionally go back to the alley or the hill to reconnect with his old friends, like dana or numbers, since he wouldn't push people away like in canon.

The untitled wouldn't be as big of a threat as they were in RHatO since there are way more people available, and jason being super trained, so maybe jason would adopt a new vigilante identity to help people on a more personal level. He considers going by Red Hood, as a taunt to the man that killed him, but he doesn't like it. It's a remnant of a past he'd rather forget. Maybe he'd go by cardinal, but he doesn't want to be associated with a bird anymore. I think marauder would be a really good name for him, a man who goes around looking for things to steal and people to fight.

You can have him interact with some justice league dark members, especially Constantine since I really like their dynamic, and he could deal with hellspawns since he wields the allblades now.

JayEssence is a rarepair, which is a shame since i think these 2 could have a really interesting dynamic if written properly, so I'd probably go with that as the endgame ship, but you could work in so many of his ships. JayRose? childhood friends on the titans who reconnected after jason studied under slade for a bit. JayEddie? same thing but they reconnect in hell. Jaytemis? they could run into eachother during a mission and they'd recognise death anywhere. enemies to reluctant allies to lovers. JayDana? classic childhood friends to lovers. The possibilities are endless

[dredgesnails]

I love to imagine the magic mountain bases all actually existing completely separately from each other in completely different time periods (almost), despite being physically in the same location.

In the ancient world, pyramids are constructed at the base of a huge volcano to honor the dead and worship old gods. A wide path leads to an entrance into the volcano, far enough in that the heat gets dangerous. Inside, sacrifices are made to the gods, to their king, offerings given up for the benefit of them all. The king is kind and forgiving, loyal to his people, asking for little and giving as much as he can. The gods however, are cruel, and all civilisations must fall eventually. For this one it's after a great eruption, one that shakes the earth with all the fury of the gods, that the pyramids become abandoned, left alone for centuries to erode. Over time new life grows, and thick jungles begin to hide the pyramids from view, until eventually, they’ve become a part of the natural landscape. Venture far enough in, however, and you might find remnants of the ancient civilisation: old writing in a language no one knows anymore, praises given to their old king; the remnants of ancient weapons and armour; the shapes of people who once lived forever preserved in ash and pumice.

~

It's the start of the industrial revolution, and rumours start spreading of an eclectic man and his steamrail full of exotic animals from across the globe. He’s a travelling zoo, of sorts, appearing in the strangest of places (as long as there's a railway line, he'll be there), areas it logically shouldn't be able to reach. He’s got all sorts of animals, from dolphins and turtles to strange, mysterious beasts. Where does he keep them all when they're not on the train? Some say he doesn't exist. others insist he does, that he lives underneath a mountain no one dares to visit. It's an active volcano, they say, dangerous to go near. If anyone dared to explore they might stumble upon the largest, most diverse collection of animals they've ever seen, and, most bizarrely, a large steam locomotive that runs on its own railway track, seemingly on a loop through the volcano itself. The tunnel is so dark the train disappears into it entirely. a young exploration group decide to find out for themselves, years later, and at first they think there's nothing there, until one of them stumbles upon the obvious remnants of a railway line, no longer in use but not so old that it's started to break down. Maybe he did exist after all...

~

In the late 1800s, a small fishing community establishes itself by the mountain. Electricity is new, and with the new machines and motors available to them the community quickly grows into a small village. Something is wrong, though. The rocks embedded in the mountain appear to resemble a skull more and more by the day, water streaming from one eye socket as though it’s crying. Underground passages and tunnels are found by the new residents, all leading to strange chambers. There's something in the water. A young man, one of the first in the village, disappears for a month, and when he returns, he's changed. He insists the ocean speaks to him, to everyone through him. He fishes for hours, days, weeks on end. When his madness begins infecting others, most gain the sense to stay away from him, but not everyone does. There's something in the water.

By the mid 1920s, the small fishing village is still standing, although most of the residents from four decades ago have since left. A young woman, traveling alone in her tiny fishing boat, docks at the village in need of repairs. What was meant to be a one night stay turns into days, then weeks, then months, as she begins to notice strange happenings in the village. A local artist has locked himself in his house, gone mad from something he found in the ocean. A scientist is experimenting with strange materials, and sometimes at night strange noises come from her house. There's something in the water. An older man speaks in tongues, driven mad by the sea. There's something in the water. The young fisher sees him occasionally, staring through her, unseeing. She's begun dreaming of ancient monsters in the depths of the water below her, reaching their long arms out and crushing her and everyone else. When she looks into the sea she can't see anything. It’s just inky blackness.

(No one knows how the village gets destroyed. One day it's here, and the next it's turned to rubble, razed to the ground by forces beyond human perception. It appears no one survived, but strangely, there's no trace of the small fishing boat the young woman had arrived in, nor of her body, and if anyone stopped for long enough in the wrecked city they might hear mumbling at night from underground, the mad ramblings of a man who has seen too much.)

~

Magic mountain row thrives in the early 2000s. They’ve beaten the Y2K bug (it really wasn't that much of a problem, anyway), business is booming at all the independent stores, and the local economy is better than ever. It doesn’t matter that not many people want to live here because new tech keeps Big Ron busy, and Willie Jr is old enough to start working at his father's shop, preparing himself to take over the business. The safe storage containers are always a little open, but nothing ever really goes missing, because no new people means everyone knows everyone. A young boy visits his neighbours for the last time before he leaves with his family; his dad's got a better job somewhere far away and they have to leave now, and besides it’s safer not to live by a barely-dormant volcano (it’s not as cool, though). His new neighbourhood has a lot more kids his age, but he can't help but miss the eccentric nature of his old neighbours. He returns to his childhood home twenty years later to find it empty. Most of magic mountain row is empty now, actually. There are a few places still open: Big Ron refuses to close up shop because Willie Jr, who has taken over the business now that his father's passed, still needs his help from time to time. Anyone still living here is merely clinging to a past they remember so fondly they can't adapt for the future. They're happy, though. They’re happy to remain here until it's their time to go.

~

In the not-so-distant future, a dense city is formed on the mountain. It started out as a smaller town, with traditional architecture and shrines dotted around the place, but as technology advanced and society progressed it grew and evolved into towering skyscrapers, holographic billboards, a rail system that winds through buildings and above streets. Elements of the past still remain - lush gardens lined with cherry blossom trees, the old shrines and temples still standing, a mark of the city's history and longevity. The city stands the longest, weathers the strongest storms, grows and evolves and changes, but all must come to an end, eventually. A rumbling in the earth, a once-dormant volcano waking from its slumber. They have the tech to know it's coming, now, so they all flee before it can hit. Only one man stays behind. This is his city. This is his home. He built this entire place from the ground up, and he’s not going to leave it behind. He makes his way to one of the shrines. Praying to his goddess, he leaves her one final offering, and when the ash settles all trace of him is gone.

~

The apocalypse happens in a future beyond our reckoning. A city lies, abandoned by most, on top of the ruins of civilisations that came before. Once a lively hub of activity and tech and innovation, the city has become a ghost town, occupied only by the artificial intelligences that had driven humanity out. They wander aimlessly, mimicking the behaviours of the humans they used to watch and help, protecting the inner core of their city that keeps everything, including themselves, alive. The humans reside elsewhere, in a bunker resembling the old world, with more vegetation and life than the city had despite being hidden underground. The city’s architects reassure everyone that they’ll be able to return someday soon. The one who designed the robots, a man more cyber than human by this point, just needs to fix a few issues with their programming. He doesn’t want to destroy them but he might have to. His partner, who designed most of the city, will need to commence repairs before anyone can live in the city again. So they leave, vowing to fix the city so that everyone can return to society. No one knows they will never return.

[hanafubukki]

Yuu being a little afraid of being pregnant, but the world of twisted wonderland has much better healthcare and overall treats children better

They're not getting any younger and neither is Lilia, so why not have a baby before they become too old to engage and raise them?

It doesn't take long, between the prescribed gummies from Riddle (their family doctor and old friend) and Lilia's ahem- enthusiasm, they start showing signs 2 months after they popped the question to Lilia

They remember how Lilia literally flew with joy when they told him they're ready. Of course after the initial joy they started discussing how they will go on about this, how Yuu will probably need to go on a vitamin rich diet, start doing pregnant yoga and require daily massages the farther along they get.

However Yuu's pregnancy seems to get harder everyday. A fact so alarming that they bring it up at their next checkup

"well? How's everything?" Lilia asked tentatively

"weeellll...." Riddle began with a sigh as he discarded the gloves " I have some good news and some.... neutral news?"

"neutral news?"

"I'll start with the good news!" He quickly added

"Good news is the baby's healthy! The growth rate is normal and they seem to be doing well"

"and the neutral news???"

Riddle but his bottom lip wincing "Neutral news is... The babies are healthy. Plural. There's 3 in there."

"...what"

Yuu and Lilia's faces were complete opposites. Moving at the same time, Yuu's face pulled into a horrified open mouth look while Lilia couldn't hide his grin. He fixed his expression once he noticed Yuu's horror.

"Luckily, we have magic here that'll make your labour be as easy as blinking, however you'll need to eat more. The reason why you've been exhausted is because you were only eating on account of one baby, sometimes if you're not consciously aware of the fact you're pregnant the body will not experience any additional cravings. In your case, you weren't aware just how pregnant you are"

"I.... How did this even happen- I mean what are the chances????"

"are we happy with this?" Riddle asked, looking only at Yuu with a gaze that told them they're his only priority

Yuu held eye contact and thought about it.

"...Yes. It'll be difficult but I want this"

Riddle smiled at both Yuu and Lilia. After everything, they deserved this.

"Very well then! I advise investing in a pump so that can lessen your load when the babies are born. If you need an extra fridge or an electric kettle please don't hesitate to ask, I know a guy" he says with a wink

Lilia smiled, trying to tone down his excitement "we appreciate your help Dr. Rosehearts"

Riddle scoffs "Oh please we go way back. Consider this my personal 'thank you' for helping me out back then, Yuu"

As they walked from the clinic to the nearest portal Yuu could practically feel the joy radiating from their husband. It was impressive how he managed to keep a hold on them and help them walk rather than outright carrying them and flying away

They decided to break the ice "soooo?"

They hear him him take a deep breath before scream-laughing. It honestly startled them

"I GOT A 3 FOR 1 DEAL!" of course this is how he chose to express his joy

Yuu groaned " anymore of this and I'm telling grim you hid his tuna away"

"aww so mean~ can't an old man be happy?"

"you're a particularly loud old man, and I too am old with a terrible headache so have some sympathy, sir!"

"ah anything goes for my cranky old spouse"

He peppered Yuu's face with kisses before carrying them through the portal

It's a good thing they preemptively bought multiple baby clothes (mostly because Yuu was scared of leaving the baby and Lilia in the kitchen together would lead to unsalvageable tatters)

Bonus:

"Well at least now Silver, Malleus and Sebek won't need to fight about being the favourite older brother"

"let's not kid ourselves batsy, they will still engage in petty competition"

"but we did kid ourselves.... 3 times kfufufu"

"no more cuddles for a week"

"wait no-"

Hello Anonie 🌷💞💚

THERE WAS 3!!! 😆😂 not only was lilia enthusiastic but so was his seed it seems omg 😆

Which makes sense because bats do tend to have more than one at once.

Everyone gets a baby! One for brother mal, one for brother sil, and one for uncle sebek. 🥳🥳

You get a baby and you get a baby and you and you 🤣

Riddle is so sweeettt 😭😭💞💞 I’m so happy. He’s attentive.🥺🥹

…”3 for 1 deal”!!!!! LMFAOO I’m crying 😂

This was adorable. 💚

[blingblong55]

My kind of love -Keegan P. Russ

Based on a request:

Just a thought : Keegan strikes me as the guy who would hold wife! reader close to him when they sleep in their bed. Or he'd carry her when he finds her asleep on the couch. ---- F!Reader, fluff/romance, established!relationship, boyfriend!keegan, cuddling ----

A/N: thanking Bon Iver and Niall Horan for this fluff🙏

It's four in the morning, Keegan comes home after nearly ten months of deployment, his duffle bag placed on the floor. Steps soft to not wake you up, after all, he is meant to surprise you with his early arrival. As he was about to go and check on the dog, who slept by the sofa, he noticed a blanket, your blanket. He approaches you, his gaze softens the second he watches his beautiful sleeping. You look so peaceful, so calm and in this moment when things for months went so wrong, this view is all he can adore.

"My love, I'm home," Keegan whispers, in his arms, he carries you to bed. They say people have a certain amount of luck and you are proof of that. Maybe out there in the cruel world, he doesn't have much luck but in this place, a warm, cosy and safe place he calls home, he knows luck is there. No one can say they are lucky because they don't have you and he does. A million men can say your name, a million more can watch you but just one gets to come home to you. One man in a sea of billions gets to kiss you, to listen to your ramble about crazy theories, to listen to you hum a tune and to love you and be loved back.

That man is him and in this precise moment, he knows why he proudly waited day and night to hide that ring in his pocket. If he wasn't a romantic, he would propose to you right here right now but he wants that moment to be magical because his precious girl deserves it. "Keegan, it's you," your voice so soft. Fuck, why must you make his heart melt like this? Why must you- damn you! Why do you love him? Why do you see what others don't and why must you make him blush just from the sound of your voice? Couldn't you be any less cruel to his weakened heart? Oh but he loves it, he loves that voice, that touch and stare, he loves the kisses and the 'Did your job go well? Are you hurt? Did you miss me?' he loves it all.

"Of course, it's me, darling," he sets you down on the bed and covers you with the sheets. "I'll be back," his lips touched your soft skin before leaving to take a short shower. You lay in bed, not being able to sleep without him anymore, you wait for him. Once he snuggles to you, you can feel his fresh skin, how his embrace wraps you with love and with care. "Did everything go to plan?" you ask as you nuzzle your face on his chest, a low chuckle escapes his lips as he brushes your hair. "It did, which is surprising," he kisses the top of your head and drapes his leg over yours.

In a warm bed, you and he lie, legs intertwined like they are the perfect match. Your back to his chest, soft breathing filling the room. As you close your eyes, he finds himself admiring your beauty from his angle. His arm wrapped around your waist, keeping you close for the rest of the night as the other arm caresses your head. His fingers brush through the hair, and slowly, they make their way to your forehead, where he slowly catches himself falling asleep.

Until morning and maybe even after being awake, he keeps you in his hold and under those warm bed sheets. "I love you to the moon and back- no, let's keep going beyond the moon," he whispers as he keeps holding you close. If only he dared to propose already and make you his missus. But only the brave wait for the exact right moment.

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[derpydoteddrake]

An analisis on the symbolism of this shot and what it means for Jayce and Viktor

(this does not contain any le*ks, only material that has been officially released so far.)

But first to understand what this shot means, his connection to the new magic and how this relates to his relationship with Viktor, we need to look at what his bracelet represents.

He got the crystal for his bracelet by a mage who saved him from an impossible situation, this implanted in him a lifelong obsession with the idea that if he could give this tool to people, he could greatly improve the lives of many.

But since he knew they would not allow experiments like this in Piltover in normal circumstances, he needed to do it in secret. This is what at that moment the bracelet represents.

His conviction is so strong, this goal is so important to him that he made the reminder of that fateful encounter something that he can not just carry, but wear it on himself everywhere he goes. However it is hidden, the same way he needs to hide his research.

But then he is found out, his research is going to be destroyed, and he loses all hope in completing his dream. So he takes the bracelet off, as a symbol on how he is given up. But then Viktor comes into the picture.

He gives his bracelet back and with it his hope for his dream, it's no longer something he has to burden himself alone, it's not just Jayces dream anymore, and so he declares: our hextech dream.

And this gesture and this declaration changes the meaning behind this bracelet, it's not just a symbol of his dream anymore, it's now a symbol of their shared dream of helping people and in turn their relationship and partnership.

This thematic connection is later emphasized when he complains about being useless in the face of Viktors illness and his frustration about not being able to develop the technology he wants to and he reflexively tuches it.

And after he no longer needs to hide it and he can fully pursue his dream, he puts it on proud display, he turns the crystal upside down and even has clothing that lets his bracelet show, he is proud of they work and he shows that off.

But in the shot we got for the crystal to embed itself in that way, he needed to turn the bracelet upside down. And why would he do that? Well, he would need to be so disillusioned with their dream, so ashamed of letting Viktor down that he doesn't even want to be reminded of it.

I dont think it's a controversial thing to say that Jayce will have a chance to destroy the core and he won't, which initially Viktor will be mad about, but later allow Viktor to do his shenanigans with it. Thematically that would make sense.

But the bracelet isn't just worn in a different way, that would be reversible, the crystal is literally burned into him with a crack in the middle. It is irreversible. What does that symbolize?

Easy, they didn't just lost they dream,

THEY DREAM IS DEAD

The crystal is no longer a symbol of his hopes and dreams and a wonderful relationship, It is a symbol of his failure to do good with hextech, broken promises, and letting down his closest friend.

it is grotesquely melted into him forever, a reminder how he cannot escape the reality he helped create. Giving hextech to people is no longer a dream, it is real and it's a nightmare, he didn't improve anyone's lives who needed it, he made weapons to oppress.

And the gem is cracked in the middle, mirroring his broken relationship with Viktor, the man he let down over and over again, he wasn't there when he needed him, he went against his will and made weapons, and he failed to fulfill his promise to him.

Since we saw Viktor will gain the ability the transform people, I would teorise that he will be the one who will melt the crystal and metal into him in a heated argument. (tho his powers are distinctly purple)

It is not something he wants to remember, but it is something he will have to carry for the rest of his life.

And now Viktors mind is twisted, he was not strong enough to destroy the core when his mind was still intact and now Viktor commits horrific acts in the name of trying to do ultimately good.

And so the bracelet is not just a reminder of his failure, but also a reminder of the promise he will have to fulfill one way or another.

[demons-art-hell]

Lore expansion on Joel's role in gbau!

Exposition: Vampires, whilst a proven fact in gbau, are still rather mystic and generally unheard of Typically, they're thought of as near exitinct, when in truth they live under the radar in secret

Those with express features such as pointed ears tend to explain it away by being Elyian (very brief overview! I will get more into how vampires function in a seperate post)

Continued under the cut

Anyway, This being the case, there is lots of prejudice towards vampires, and plenty of blatantly incorrect information, particularly of old historical and/or fictional nature

After reuniting with Grian and Mumbo (and being introduced to Scar) at an unofficial homecoming (hosted by Gem & The Scotts because they wanted to show off perform), Joel takes an interest in writing about the project they're both a part of

Whilst there, however.. He notices how strange and different Grian is

First, and most prominently, his feathers have gold bands on their edges Now, Joel isn't an expert on hybrids, let alone avians, but surely it doesn't make sense for a feather pattern to suddenly change somewhere in adulthood

Following that, not only are his wings singed gold but so are his eyes... And they seem to glow with it?

Possibly least importantly, the man isn't wearing glasses This, by itself, isn't suspicious, but knowing how Grian was in his teens, he HATED contact lenses, and Joel knows he can't see for shit without his glasses

When broached on this, Grian clams up about his wings, muttering something of it being medical, but as for his eyes, his excuse comes in the form of switching to contacts, and, while he's at it, choosing coloured ones

Joel is unsatisfied with this answer, as it doesn't explain the glow his eyes appear to have, nor does he believe Grian would ever get over hating contacts, but he doesn't press further

Later on in the night, he notices a fuss as Grian hurries out into the bathroom

When he asks, Mumbo, who'd stayed behind to make space for him to leave, responds that Grian started having sudden nose bleeds recently

Odd

This is all strange behaviour, but nothing about this sets Joel off to investigate until the day he actually goes in for his article

And sees distinct bite marks on Grian's neck Ones he flusters about and hides quickly

And the whole thing just snowballs from there

Glowing eyes in the dark? Suddenly not requiring glasses? Having 'nosebleeds' where he could be going off to do who knows what Finding someone to feed off of perhaps?

He can't explain the gold in the wings, but it sure only adds to his suspicion!

Joel begins making excuses to remain at their project's headquarters, spinning some story about wanting to make more articles as he (not so) subtly begins digging into Grian

He notes many things like how he always seems tired, sometimes even passing out around the building, and eventually scrounges up from somewhere that he changed jobs, abandoning his own project due to 'not being able to partake in the contruction' anymore

He notes how little Grian goes outside and, when he does, how little he flies compared to when he last saw him

Perhaps the sun makes him tired? Weak enough to not fly? He certainly seems sickly enough for it

The more time passes the further into a hole he digs himself, noting how Grian appears to recover from injury too fast, how he turns to face people just a fraction too early compared to when they call him, and him knowing things he shouldn't

Such as where someone is in the building, even if Joel KNOWS he hasn't seen them all day (because he stalked him the entire day)

It gets concerning, in fact, how much he puts into this

I love conspiracy theorist Joel He's incredibly suspicious of everything Grian does now, believing it to be an evil vampire plot of some sort I will probably try and write something on the makeshift homecoming, so that I can introduce more characters and their roles/magic in this au Note on the comic: A plaster is a band aid Also I call this a homecoming, but the school system in this universe will be closer to the British schooling system than the American one. Because I don't know anything about it. It confuses me Second notes: The 'project' Grian Scar and Mumbo are a part of is a hermitcraft equivalent. Eventually I will get everyone moving into the area! starting with Joel convincing Lizzie they should start up a second branch of their cafe there And the project Grian worked on before the incident is an evo equivalent! Alright! Good day, good evening, good night!

[marielle555]

Astarion is a strong character. In any case and regardless of what happened to him.

I've seen statements online like “AA fans call UA is weak” (maybe you've seen that too). Of course, this source will never run dry. They always invent something new, twist the story, distort the meaning of their opponents' statements to the point of impossibility, in general, you can't get bored. If earlier I naively thought that their “arguments” were based on lies about “Cazador 2.0”, “loss of soul” and trying to prove that “AA doesn't love Tav” (this nonsense, of course, is alive and will live forever, as long as there are those who desperately need “right messages” sent to them in the form of a sexually attractive vampire boy, but in such a way as to say that “he is happy” with the torments of hunger and in eternal darkness). Well, one must, I guess, somehow justify “I don't let him ascend” as the only right way and still remain “white-glove” at the same time.

So one should start claiming that those who help Astarion Ascend are supposedly calling UA weak. And prove that UA is strong. Well, yes, Astarion is a strong person. There's nothing to prove, he has an iron rod. The fact that he was able to survive and preserve himself, keep his mind, his personality after 200 years of slavery and torture, an internally weak person is not capable of that. How long did it take for Theon Greyjoy in Game of Thrones to be broken by Ramsay? Velioth broke Cazador, but Cazador couldn't break Astarion. Astarion survived in conditions in which a person, who has always lived in increased comfort and does not understand what reality is (who may consider Astarion's rational desire to ascend and be able to live a full life and protect himself and his beloved as “moral weakness” or “fear”) simply could not have survived. Or would have wised up quickly.

And the fact that Astarion didn't have someone around to help him see his scars during the ritual doesn't “make him weak” or change his character. It's just that after the Ascension, Astarion starts to show off that strong character of his openly, and if denied, Astarion is too depressed. “I just feel numb.” “I'll have to. But that doesn't mean I have to like it.” - Even from this line you can understand how hard it is for him, in addition to having to accept that he will never get what he longed for, that he will no longer have a full life, but instead will have to live “some half existence, hiding in the shadows for the rest of eternity”, he also has to play a role, thank Tav and make up stuff about “breaking the cycle of power and terror”. Because “I am - well, not ‘happy’ with how things turned out. But this does feel right.” Astarion has a much harder time in the UA situation than AA, but he doesn't lose his fortitude and in the epilogue he talks about looking for an opportunity to walk in the sun again. And when he finds it, there will be nothing stopping him anymore, no “heroes” around. Unless he's in a romance with Tav, because his love for Tav is really his weakness and vulnerability. Either way, Ascended or not.

It would be better for them to try to prove where Astarion's consorts are calling HIM weak. It's impossible not to see that he's feeling bad in UA's route. The inability to read (or, as usual, the intentional misrepresentation of their opponents' words) probably equates the fact that the Ascension ritual frees Astarion from physical ailments and weaknesses, the fact that Astarion is certainly made stronger (physically and magically) by the ritual, and the fact that those who help him along the way consider his “version” of the UA to be a weak and insufficiently “toxically masculine” man. As well as the “ah, they're talking bad about UA”, they “don't give UA a chance”, as if, holy shit, there really are a couple of “hot vampires” in the game, one of whom is perfectly “toxically masculine” in order to sexualize him, and the other not so much, and here's this poor sensitive guy getting berated and not given a chance. I should probably get used to this type of thinking though, I mean, they hate Astarion, if he's Ascend, and yet call themselves fans of him. When a person has a split inside into “two different people,” it's called dissociative identity disorder, and what do you call that case where they “split” the other person? I guess with such a syndrome of “Astarion's dissociative disorder” it must surely seem that those who hate Redemption Arch (as a playable feature, as a path, as a choice, just hate playing it) must dislike Astarion himself along the way and consider him weak.

Yes, Astarion himself (not his consorts) on the UA route considers himself "I'm still nothing, aren't I? Just an expandable frail spawn who will burn to a crisp soon enough", he hates what Casador did to him. "Unmaking what you made me" (Astarion's response when Casador asks him what he's doing).

Without the ritual, Astarion will forever be what Cazador did to him, it will be incorrigible, he will forever be a spawn. And says this line to Astarion then when Tav asks: “All right, what do you need?” Astarion: “I need your eyes. In a manner of speaking.” Before the ritual itself, without any attempt at persuasion, Astarion believes that Tav will help him.

And to say that we think Astarion is weak because of it - well, that's like me saying about a person with a disability, who was not allowed to be healed (for example, in a cyberpunk setting, they were not allowed to install an implant for “ethical reasons”, which not only would have healed them, but made them stronger than a healthy person) that they feel bad about their illness and with the implant they would be stronger, and a devout believer against cybernetization would claim that I was insulting that person by calling them sick and weak. I wonder who would be “sexualized” by fans of such a character, helping them heal and get an “unethical implant”? Cyborg? Why I hate the UA route, I wrote here. But Astarion himself is a beautiful and strong character, he copes even with it. And handles it the way a strong man handles it, a strong man who “just feels numb”. The only weak character I have contempt for in this version of the game playthrough is Tav, not Astarion in any way.

Astarion, who “heroically” rejects the ritual and sympathizes with those 7000 spawns, can only exist in Astarion Origins, where the player creates “their Astarion” by shaping the character's personality as they wish. There is no such Astarion in a game with Tav/DU, there is an Astarion who was denied help in a ritual. Astarion can only make one choice - wish such a Tav to die screaming (as he wishes every companion who doesn't help him) or accept it. Astarion's Choice.

Here's what Astarion thinks of these spawns he's “supposed” to sympathize with:

“These people died years ago, trust me on that. All that's left are feral spawn, desperate for blood.

If we release them, how many people will they kill? Tens of thousands? Hundreds of thousands?”

Astarion without Tav, who no one helped Ascend, won't let the caged spawns go free:

“As for those wretches in the cells - if I don't get my freedom, neither do they.”

Astarion breaks the staff and dooms the spawns in the cages out of anger, out of the pain of anger at his not being allowed true freedom, and let them suffer as well.

“But if they die and I ascend, I won't have to rely on the parasite to walk in the sun. I'll be free - truly, completely free. Isn't that what you want?”

And… The pain and doubt in his voice when he asks: “Isn't that what you want?” Astarion has one major weakness and vulnerability, and that's Tav. And not just because he really needs Tav's eyes right now and their connection through the tadpole to see his scars. Tav is the only person he loves. Tav is the best thing that has happened to him after two hundred years of torture, pain and humiliation. Perhaps this love of his, how much he loves, and how much he is attached to Tav, and how much he needs love and acceptance from Tav, is a consequence of his trauma. And his approval of that persuasion is not an approval of Tav keeping him from Ascension. It's an approval that he believed Tav's motives, he understood, why his loved one wouldn't help him. Why the one he loves so much won't let him become truly, completely free, won't help him start living a real, full life. Tav convinces him of their motives, and if he believes that they are not doing this out of malice, that it is really in their heads, in their value system, what they say is true and they believe it, then Astarion agrees to become what they believe in. With pain in his eyes and a full understanding of what he will have to sacrifice for that love and that belief. He doesn't know what a real relationship is or what true love looks like. He doesn't think he deserves better. He was used as a tool, he was tortured, no one ever cared about him, and he could only learn to survive - Astarion begins to connect with the world for the first time after two hundred years of slavery and torture. AA has a heartbreaking line, “I was trying with you, you know. In the only way I can try.” (if you reject his proposal, in a dialog three days after that, and such pain in his eyes and such an expression on his face, it's just impossible to watch).

UA has a bitter line, “I will endeavor to please” in response to Tav's cruel line, “Then don't mess it up” in the graveyard scene - he will still try to earn even the love of someone who is incapable of love.

Because he doesn't think he deserves better. He even gives some fake theatrical approval, when Tav wants to “add” Halsin to their relationship, when Astarion himself certainly doesn't need any Halsin. And he clearly feels bad about that relationship. And he agrees to have sex in a brothel because of Tav, he's experiencing PTSD, but he won't even rebuke Tav for it afterward with a single word. He'll forgive the cheating with Mizora. He will never even think about the fact that such a Tav doesn't deserve him. He thinks himself unworthy of Tav's love, he idealizes them. He won't think about the fact that the very desire for “payback” or “redemption” for a loved one is not love. That the desire to “fix” someone and “make them better” at the cost of their suffering is not love. Anti AAs very rarely mention the most important thing in their posts, much more important of course is the topic of “power”, where what “message” and how much “masculinity” is needed for their favorite “toxicity”. Hunger, sunshine, feelings “the arousals and appetites of man”, even his own reflection to see, after all, these are usually either unworthy of mention or presented as something like “challenges,” which Astarion, of course, heroically wants to take on.

The line of Persuasion for Tav looks exactly like this. “I want you to live a life you're proud of” (how I wish Tav would burn in the sun afterward and Astarion would stand there and watch it). “You can't be proud of this.” Translated as: “I don't care how you feel or how you feel, be the way I want you to be, you can consider yourself a good person for that”.

If Tav betrays and abandons the UA in the finale, he tells them, “How dare you! After all I've done for you - after everything I've sacrificed!” And what else did Astarion sacrifice for Tav except one thing - the chance to find true freedom, sunshine, and feel alive again?

UA takes Tav's attitude for love and accepts the suffering he will have to go through because of it. And behaves the way his “fixer” wants him to. He doesn't fully trust and thinks Tav might leave him, he's afraid of losing Tav and he's not sure about this relationship. AA thinks “you are degrading yourself by staying with him,” but he is happy, if Tav agrees to be his Bride and after receiving this true confirmation of an eternal bond, he starts to trust, opens up. AA suffers greatly, when Tav rejects him and this bond. That said, he expected this… It confirms his opinion of himself, that he, as he is, is not worthy of love. This goes nowhere in the case of refusing the ritual, Astarion adjusts, hides the real himself. He's more honest and frank with Tav in the non-romantic epilogue, in the romance he's silent about how he really feels about having the sunlight taken away from him again. And about how he will do anything to get that opportunity again. AA in the romantic epilogue, after 6 months with a loving consort is calm, confident and happy.

Also a very interesting “argument” - all of Astarion's problems in the Spawn state are better than the “illusory” benefits of Ascension. And everything is bad for the Ascendant, for he is “morally weak”. In general, I wonder how it is - how can concrete physiological facts be illusory?

Hunger, the sun, the reflection in the mirror, the taste of food and wine, “the arousals and appetites of man will return to him”. The benefits of Ascension are illusory, just as the sun itself, air, water, the fact that the Earth is round and revolves around the sun is illusory, as are many other things that simply exist by themselves as fact. As exist all things that exist regardless of anyone's belief or disbelief, simply because they exist. “Moral weakness” is just that, an artificially created concept, it is illusory. The very concept of morality is illusory, morality has been different in different eras (sometimes even radically different). Morality is a social construct that applies specifically to the society that accepts this particular morality, morality is a tool of management, regulation of people's behavior. Morality is simply the notions of right and wrong, good and bad, and the set of norms of behavior derived from these notions that are accepted in a particular society and at a particular time. One cannot be “morally strong” or “morally weak”, one can accept/not accept this or that form of morality, conform or not conform to this or that notion of morality. “Astarion doesn't conform to your ideas of morality” would be true, but ''morally weak'' would not. Morality doesn't exist, it's just some conventional characteristic that serves to evaluate certain things in a particular society in a particular historical period. Releasing 7000 hungry spawns is so “moral” that in terms of realism in DnD, it should have resulted in bloody chaos throughout the city. A bloody night in Baldur right after defeating the Brain, when the city is already severely weakened by the massacre with the Illithids. Perhaps there would be no Baldur, just ruins, where anarchy reigns and gangs of spawns rule. “Moral lessons” and “messages” sometimes don't mix well with realism and logical calculation of the consequences of certain player actions.

Astarion is not a dummy or a toy, to be “personality changed” by Tav. He has his own personality and his own desires. Astarion does not become “good” or “chaotic-neutral” if he was not allowed to Ascend, Astarion remains “neutral-evil” (if we give value to such a concept as alignment). It is not alignment that makes a person happy. But alignment is a convenient system to describe a character's worldview, and there are certain rules that affect a character's alignment change in DnD. In order for your action to affect your alignment change, you must have freedom of choice and decision, there must be no insurmountable circumstances that prevent your character from doing what they would like to do. The fact that Astarion basically can't Ascend on his own, unless someone helps him see his scars, makes refusing to do the ritual (or helping him do the ritual) a choice that affects Tav's alignment change, not Astarion's. If Larian wanted to show Astarion's change of alignment, there would have been an option in the game for him to Ascend without Tav's help (drawing his scars on a piece of paper, for example), and then, if Tav had convinced Astarion to refuse, or he himself, like Shadowheart, could have done it, Astarion could have changed his alignment. It's especially funny to read the “arguments” that since Astarion didn't redraw his scars, when Tav drew them in the sand, that means he didn't want to Ascend. They would have made up their minds - whether they revitalize the character to such an extent, that he himself “off-screen” decides, what to do in the story, or whether the main thing is the “message” and what the authors wanted to say (I have only one opinion on this - it doesn't matter who “wanted to say” what, but what is important is what is really said and shown in the story of the game). In this case, Larian most likely wanted to make an “arch of redemption” for Astarion (which could be combined with his past as a corrupt magistrate from EA and possibly look like “payback” for his past sins). Whether by choice or due to the demands of those back in the EA, who wrote to them demanding they “fix Astarion”, it doesn't matter so much anymore. And as a romance bubblegum for players, who play just to have fun, and they need a sexy male companion for a romance, they won't pay too much attention to his well-being, emotions and will calmly eat up the “bittersweet” ending as a good one, if they're told so, this story arc also fits very well. That said, this storyline fits logically with the evil companion's poorly completed quest (for the world “good”, for him “bad but not fatal”) and doesn't break the character's IP. A logical commercial move - after all, the romance of Ascended Astarion is unique and unusual, it's not “mass-market”, and besides, whining about morality in games, “evil is wrong”, etc. has been in vogue lately, we all know that, and creating an evil character without “moral options” to “fix” him might not have been a very good decision in terms of taking into account the subsequent network hysterics about him. And in order to make the “redemption arc” possible and logically plot-wise fitting with Astarion's character without violating his IP, the best option was to take away his ability to make his own choices, leaving him with only the option to accept this “redemption” or leave the group. This blends with his story (his scars) and gives additional story beauty to the romance of the Ascended, when his beloved becomes his eyes and they go through this ritual together (“I did. We did”).

Astarion's ”strength of personality“ does not depend on whether he has undergone the ritual or not. Astarion always remains himself. It's just that in one case he is “with all the masks, lies and deception still included” and in the other “no masks, no lies, just the truth because he has the confidence to push his arrogance in your face without fear”. Helping him in the ritual or refusing to help him characterizes Tav, not Astarion.

[wangxianficfinder]

Fic Finder

Jan 4th

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1. Hello! I'm trying to find what I'm fairly sure was a threadfic, though I could be mistaken. It had single dad wwx dating lwj, but a-yuan hated his dad's new bf, to the point that wwx ended up breaking up with lwj. But then a-yuan felt bad and schemed to get them back together. Thanks!

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2. Hi everyone can someane please tell me the title of one fanfic of modao zu shi i seaching. A long time ago i discovered a fanfic of mo dao zu shi wich containe this infos :The plot vaguely is :after being taken under a curse lan zhan and wei ying spend the night in the cave and see know what they did ~~. Wei ying due to the curse was able to get pregnant and left to hide and raise her child (black hair but golden eyes like her father lan zhan). Wei ying and her child are taken care of by ghosts or a ghost I don't know anymore. After more twists Wei ying died like at the beginning of the original novel. After several years despite all these efforts Lanzhan was not able to call the soul of Wei Ying. Her son who became a little older then worked every day in secret on the dark spells like his mother did and tried to bring his mother back and succeeded etc...please if someone know about the title please tell me i read it in wattpad but today as i didn't know the title and as there are lot of fanfic i couldnt find it. @foxfel

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3. Hello once more! Again thank you for finding the fics. This time there's this fic: WWX doesn't die cause Baoshan Sanren saves him after he throws himself off the cliff and he's tended to by her and Lan yi (who's BS's cultivation partner) and is in coma for 10 years. After waking up he doesn't have his memories and is thus named Genxin(Gengxin?)(he's names sth!) and can finally have the life he was denied as a child for the next 6 years. I also remember he wears beautiful clothes with different colors and cuts and this was the aspect that caught my eye. Also Nie Mingxue if found alive when he joins the mystery solving band. Sooo it'd be good if it can be found since all my search didn't bear fruit @raven-hale

FOUND? Until The End by abCEE (M, 365k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, war changes people, no pinning, LWJ learns how to speak, WWX is not oblivious, Established Relationship, wangxian are married and have a son, Mpreg, Good Uncle LQR, a little grey LWJ, a bit of JC bashing from LWJ, BAMF JYL, 16 years of yearning, Canon-Typical Violence, LSZ is LWJ & WWX's Child, WWX Has a New Golden Core, Canonical Character Death - WWX, Canon Rewrite, Happy Ending, Fix-It of Sorts)

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4. Hi! I'm looking for a fic in where cultivator lwj gets zapped into modern times right in wwx's apartment. He says there for a while before retunifn back to his world to investigate some mysterious illness with lxc. Meanwhile, the Wens destroyed wwx life in the modern world and he got kicked out. Lwj doesn't know what happens to hum when he went back but wex switched places with mo xuanyu in lwj's reality and lwj is trying to piece together what happened to wei Ying as they both investigate the qi disease. There are also no duplicates across both worlds. The Wens run a health company called Wenquish. They were trying to ge Wen Ning on it too.

FOUND? take me back to a time by DizziDreams (T, 143k, WangXian, College/University, Modern with Magic, Time Travel, Sharing a Bed, Fish out of Water, Man Out of Time, WWX questionable decisions, LWJ lizard brain, Angst with a Happy Ending, WWX's lack of self-preservation, Student WWX, Time-Traveling Wizard LWJ, Slow Burn, Character Death, reference to abuse, Canonical Character Death, Canonical Abuse, Canon LWJ, Canon-Typical Violence, Mutual Pining, Chronic Illness, Not A Fix-It, WWX be like "i should be scared but instead im just horny", feat: lwj horny grip, Case Fic, Russian Translation Available, Transmigration, America, Spanish Translation Available, [Podfic of] take me back to a time by dreamhazer)

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5. Hello! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! I hope you can help me find this one fanfic! Lan Wangji was in a meeting i think and Wei Wuxian was walking around the cloud recessess then the lan juniors or juniors in general decided to follow him around (like little duckling following their mother) thankyou!

FOUND? ❤️ Joy In the Midst of These Things Series by Glitterbombshell (T/G, 53k, WangXian, Angst with Happy Ending, Post-Canon, Teacher WWX, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff)

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6. Hi! So there was this fic which I remember only reading the summary of, I don't actually start it (I think cause it was a WIP or maybe I didn't like a tag??) but it was basically that WRH had a list of all the future oracles, and the last one on the list was WWX

hi! I'm #6 on the fic finder and id like to add that WWX was the last oracle on the list after WRH(??), so WRH wanted to keep him, I think that was implied

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7. Hi! This is fic finder. Set in modern era. A-yuan lives in orphanage. He and the children there is not treated kindly by the matron (? I dont know what they are called) but a-yuan gets the worse treatment. I think the matron is Wang Lingjiao. And then the Lan comes and wants to adopt him. There are trial time i think for a-yuan to decide if he wants to be adopted or not but in the end he accept. Then the Lan announced that they are searching for someone (WWX). I think its because a-yuan asked them? I dont remember why. And then WWX comes using a bus but when he arrived he saw that a-yuan is happy so he go back. I think Su She who work as security for the lan noticed him and chased WWX away. I think he followed WWX too. After that Su She noticed a pendant that WWX wears and accused him for stealing. Something happen and then WWX lives in the Lan estate. Wangxian falls in love. And then it was revealed that WWX wants to adopt a-yuan but WLJ does something that males WWX cant adopt a-yuan. I dont remember if WWX tells LWJ or he found out that a-yuan is the late WRH grandchild. Thats all i can remembeer. Thanks! @idontknowwhattowriteforusername

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8. I had it bookmarked but can't find it. Please help! Ai remember the fic had wwx in the demon slaughtering cave but it wasn't a real cave it was modern au I think and he snuck into the demon slaughtering cave for comfort i think i don't fully remember?

I think there's a modern au arranged marriage fic where WWX has a basement Demon Slaughtering Cave cause he can't work in the pristine white house?

FOUND? With No Particular Affection by Chrononautical (E, 92k, WangXian, Modern AU, Arranged Marriage, Kid  Fic, Miscommunication, Family Drama, JFM and YZY’s A+ Parenting, Good Uncle JC, Wedding Fluff, Genius WWX, Street Kid WWX, Homelessness, Rich  LWJ, Oblivious WWX, Cinnamon Roll WN, Implied/Referenced Suicide, WWX Has a Pregnancy Kink, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Angst)

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9. Hello! For fic finder: modern setting, wei ying didnt know about aftercare, so after hooking up with lan zhan he gets confused by his dom trying to take care of him and tries to leave, confusing lan zhan in turn. wen qing had been looking out for him after his hook ups previously. despite not usually hooking up with the same person more than once, he keeps seeing lan zhan. wei ying is scared of being too clingy, but lan zhan explains the concept of aftercare, leading to wei ying wondering why his previous doms never bothered and if he had done something wrong, which lan zhan refutes. they end up deciding to date.

FOUND! try a little tenderness by ilip13 (E, 11k, WangXian, Modern AU, BDSM, Dom/sub, Aftercare, Subdrop, Reference to bad BDSM etiquette in wwx’s past, Reference to wwx’s self-worth issues, Cuddling & Snuggling, Getting Together, Little bit of miscommunication in the beginning but they get better at it, Blow Jobs, Masturbation, Reference to BDSM scenes)

NOT FOUND! like it's the only thing i'll ever do by quothhh (M, 5k, WangXian, WWX/Other (Offscreen), Modern AU, Pre-Relationship, Aftercare, Sub Drop, Pining)

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10. Hello! A good while ago I read a fanfic (modern au) in which wwx had a depressive episode in which he couldn't even get out of bed, I haven't been able to find if and I was wondering if lt sounded familiar to anyone? ♡ @menimimimeni

Hi! I'm #10 in the last fic finder, unfortunately that wasn't the fic I was talking about 😞, that said I read it and it was very lovely

On another note I think it might have been an arranged marriage au, however I'm not sure, what I'm sure of is that lwj was really worried about wwx

NOT FOUND!🔒your heart is mine to fortify by sunflowersfield (G, 2k, WangXian, Modern AU, Bakery AU, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Neurodiversity, Anxiety, Insomnia, Falling In Love, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Sharing a Bed, Pining, Mutual Pining, Strangers to Lovers, Friends to Lovers, Domestic Fluff, Slice of Life)

FOUND? Polishing Jade by Starra (M, 252k, WangXian, Arranged Marriage, Modern AU, Awkward Dates, Slice of Life, Most likely OOCness, Falling In Love, Everyone Needs A Hug, Loneliness, Feelings Realization, Drinking to Cope, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Suicide, slow-ish build, Might not be slow enough for some people my bad, The real Slow Build is how long it takes for them to actually get married, Eventual Cohabitation)

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11. Can you help me find s fic that was i think a/b/o, but im not quite sure, and it was a mafia au and wwx was pregnant?

FOUND? Baby, You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet by TriviasFolly (E, 177k, WangXian, A/B/O Dynamics, Alpha LWJ, Omega WWX, Omega LSZ, Mafia AU, Modern AU, Sects are Clans, Feral WWX, Feral Omegas, Nurse WWX, Dark LWJ, Dark WWX, Possessive Behavior, Possessive LWJ, feminine WWX, wwx's cannon desire to be a sugar baby/trophy wife, Breeding Kink, Mpreg)

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12. Hello! Good morning/afternoon/evening! I'm asking for fic finder :D Looking for the fic where the entire nie sect traveled back in time except for Nie Mingjue and he's very much confuse on why everyone is treating him differently. specific scenes like the cooks preparing his favorite meals, his cousins/nie disciples taking turns to guard him

thank you!!

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13. Hi! I'm a big fan of your work. Thank you for compiling lists of recs and finding fics!

I've been looking for a specific cannon divergent fic. I remember everything mostly going the same up until the end of the Sunshot campaign.

For some reason, the wens aren't killed off. A new original character is put in charge. Either NHS, WWX or JZX thinks something is up with the new wen clan leader an sect leader Jin.

For some reason WWX ends up in cloud recesses. Marriage or healing?

There are also two memorable sect conferences in the story where JGS uses demonic cultivation (either WWX's work or help from the new wen sect) to control people. The first one is used to upset the sect leader's and get them angry. WWX finds out about this one and tells people. For the most part it backfires, and JGS tries to blame it on him then uses someone else as a scapegoat. JYL is pregnant with JL, and the array makes her feel sick and leave. I don't think NMJ was affected though.

The second time, an array is hidden in JGS bedroom and is like some kind of aphrodisiac/compulsion array for JGS to assault some young woman.

In the end, JGS next victim kills him publicly and the Jin and Wen sects are exposed. Wen Qing is the next Wen leader and the Jin sect has a lot of restructuring to do. @hopesteapot-blog

FOUND? Back To The River (So Learn To Swim) by kalany (M, 83k, CSSR/WCZ/JFM/YZY, XuanLi, WangXian, Fix-it fic, self-reincarnation, autotransmigration, time travel adjacent Pregnancy, access to appropriate obstetrics care, Childbirth, Unplanned Pregnancy, Polyamory, Polygamy, survival sex, unwanted pregnancy ending in termination, on-page death of a child, Murder of a Child, non-explicit discussion of sexual assault, Sexual Coercion, brief glimpse of sexual assault, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon-Typical Sexism, background asexual JC, bisexual JFM, bisexual YZY, Bisexual CSSR, bisexual WCZ, Sect Heir JYL) the conference stuff is from this fic

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14. Hi! This is a request for a 3-Jun centric fic. Really hoping you will find it...

It’ set with Meng Yao and Nie Mingjue as assassins, working under Jun Guangshan and Wen Ruohan respectively. Lan Xichen is a teacher in some kind of a politically cordoned off sensitive place and holds the secret to access the Yiling patriarch through his brother, LWJ. MY NMJ get assigned to LXC, being forced to work together to get their hands on some weapon or something… WWX is rumoured to be dead, but actually is the elusive Yiling patriarch, secretly working for the Jiang siblings. It is a complete story, and sooooo good and I wanna reread it, but i cant find it 🥲

Thanks so much!!!

FOUND? The Man From Y.I.L.I.N.G. by Eleanor_Fenyx, little-smartass (Linxcat) (M, 123k, 3zun, WangXian, JYL/JZX, JC & WWX & JYL, The Man From U.N.C.L.E AU, Spies & Secret Agents, Modern, but make it mid-1960's cold war China, JGS's A+ Parenting, The homoeroticism of falling in love with your mark, and also your unwanted mission partner who irritates the shit out of you)

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15. Hello i'm looking for a fic where lwj was an emperor, the kingdom held a concubine selection and wwx was forced to participate by yu ziyuan, and unfortunate for him he was chosen. The wen siblings became his servants. In the fic i think he tried to be kicked out of the palace/harem but emperor lwj was quit smitten,and i think lwj already knew wwx, but wwx didn't know him. In one of the scenes lwj found out that he got treated poorly from the other servant/concubines, and wangxian where intimate real fast. @ahiku-chan

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16. happy new year, mods! looking for a fic: I'm not sure if it might have been in a modern setting, but it's one where there are multiple versions of wwx from the past, including a child, that the present wwx buries in his garden and has to kill (?) over and over. lwj initially doesn't know but eventually finds out about this secret. thank you! @potatokunst

FOUND! Howling by MimiSpearmint (E, 40k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, Mortal Instruments Fusion, Horror, Eldritch, Domestic Fluff, Single Parent WWX, Witchcraft, Getting Together, shifter!lwj, yllz!wwx, Intercrural Sex, Hand Jobs, Angst with a Happy Ending, Switch WangXian, a bit of a degradation kink, anti-STI sex talismans, Anal Sex, Oral Sex)

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17. hello, I'm looking for a fic where a young LWJ meets his older self multiple times during the canon timeline. The first time the younger LWJ sees him, it is around the time of the cloud recesses study arc, and he mistakes his older self to be his father. He has multiple conversations with his older self. Thank you as always for your help! @classygreydove

FOUND! 花无百日红; the flower that withers by yiqie (M, 29k, WangXian, Time Travel, Fix-It of Sorts, Case Fic, Spells & Enchantments, Hurt/Comfort, Forgiveness, It’s about the emotional catharsis, If you have ever laughed at WWX clowning himself for the 'no one will marry you’ scene, This fic is: for you) I’m pretty sure 17 is the flower that withers, it’s from adult LWJ’s perspective, but the description otherwise feels right.

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18. Hi I’m looking for this fic where lan wangji and Wei wuxian are already together post canon. Wwx is messing around with his talismans and accidentally curses lan zhan to kill him. The rest of the fic (3-4chapter I think) is wwx trying to undo the curse and lan zhan trying to kill him. There’s an explicit scene and wwx uses that as a distraction to escape and there’s a river I think?? Anyway thank you!!

FOUND? all the broken things that I made by ilip13 (E, 43k, WangXian, Post-Canon Established Relationship, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Lovers To Enemies, (then back to lovers I'm not a monster), Dubcon Kissing, Dubious Consent, But mostly not in the way you might expect - see notes for details, Explicit Sexual Content, Bondage, Flirting, Competence Kink)

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19. Searching for a fic that I read a along time ago on archive and any help in locating would be appreciated.

Wei Yings a god and he meets kid Lan Zhan one night. He drops some sort of Wen artifact that helps Lan Zhan save Gusu when the Wens attacked. Wei Ying is punished and doesnt see LanZhan for a long time. Next time they see each other Lan Zhan is grown and Wei Ying fondly calls Lan Zhan his little light bearer. Lan Zhan falls in love but Wei Ying does not understand human feelings. Push and tug, Wei Ying seals with powers as a god within bells to experience human emotions. Cant remember anymore details. Any help is appreciated @katwkay

NOT FOUND! Flaming Gentians by Honey_and_Chocolate (T, 28k, WangXian, WIP, Immortal WWX, Fox WWX, Dragon LWJ, Older WWX, Younger LWJ, Child LWJ, Burial Mounds, Attractive WWX, YLLZ WWX, Soulmates, Self-Indulgent, Fluff and Humor, WWX likes to wear accessories, earrings mainly, WWX has been friends with almost every important figure of the cultivation world, presumed engagement, heaven is just another world, one that WWX has made scared shitless of him for eternity)

FOUND! classygreydove: 19 is "Lying on the Edge of a Star" I'm pretty sure. It was a fic I also asked wangxianficfinder to find and later discovered the fic was moved to a hidden collection. I spent a lot of time tracking a copy of it down using wayfinder/internet archive. @/katwkay if u want the pdf of the fic feel free to dm me

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20. Happy new year buddy!

A) Can you help me find a fic where WWX comes back alive (looking like a hobo. I think he was in his original body) and learns that people are competing to marry LWJ. He receives proposals from various sects including an older woman I think..

Obviously none would win. I think WWX wins against all of them (lookin like a hobo).

B) There is a similar fic where people trying to defeat LWJ so that they can marry him. There was a instance where both of them where walking and a man outta nowhere came and have a sword fight with LWJ much to WWX's chargin.

.

I'm not sure if both of the above fic are the same....😅 @grrumpywoof

20B)

FOUND? dream of a funeral; hear of a marriage by defractum (nyargles) (T, 36k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Happy Ending, Domestic Fluff, First Time, Fluff and Humor)

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[talaok]

Hi!

I have a joel request

Ok so reader is with Joel from Boston, maybe Tess introduced them, but they’re end up taking a liking to each other and don’t tell Tess.

Reader ends up pregnant (remains a secret between Joel and her) but she joins them on the quest with Ellie and to Tommy.

They meet Haney and Sam and Joel is extra overprotective of reader all the time, maybe she’s around forth month and just slightly showing, enough for Henry to catch on

Pt. 2

You didn't know exactly how or when it had started, it kind of just... had.

The Boston QZ wasn't an easy place to wander alone, so when Tess had offered you some company, you hadn't refused.

Since you were both smugglers, after some time she had introduced you to who you believed to be her partner, to work together for a job. As it turns out, Joel Miller wasn't her boyfriend, what he was, however, was a man of few words.

It wasn't easy at first, you kept asking him questions and he kept answering with no more than a grunt or a mumbled yes or no.

You were sure he despised you or was just unnervingly indifferent to you.

But then one day, something changed.

He had asked you to help him out with a job, and of course, you had agreed, completely conscient of having just condemned yourself to hours of endless silence.

But that's not how it went, not at all.

He had spent the night asking you questions, and thanks to some kind of miracle, even answering yours.

You had talked and talked for hours, and that night, the man who up until that point you believed to be just a ruthless survivor, turned into a kind, fun man.

You had asked him about that night months later, and after a bit of pressuring he eventually confessed:

"I don't know, I guess I finally decided that I had spent enough time punishing myself... and I was tired of seeing your pretty face frown each time I pushed you away"

Things after that night changed, you started spending more and more time together, until well... that's all you wanted to do.

He showed you part of himself he kept hidden, and you did the same until you both knew every good and bad and sad of each other. Until there was nothing to hide anymore.

It's weird... finding love at the end of the world, and yet, you'd done it.

And as happy as you were, you were both terrified too.

In the world you lived in, love wasn't just love anymore, it was weakness,

it was the possibility of losing everything again.

And the fear only grew stronger when you found out you were pregnant.

There were so many things to be scared of, the practical part, having to deliver a child in a world where zombies roamed the streets, having to be a good mother, not knowing how to be a good mother, and then finally... having to tell Joel.

You saw the fear in him too, when you finally told him, you saw the paralyzing fear flash before his eyes, and then, like magic, you saw it all melt away.

He had hugged you for what felt like an hour, feeling so many things at once he had no idea what to say.

Until, finally, leaning away, he had made you a simple promise:

"I love you. And I'll protect you, if it's the last thing I do I'll protect you, both of you"

You chose not to say anyone, not even Tess. It was safer and easier. When the time would have come, you would have said something, but then Ellie came along.

Joel had begged you with everything he had to stay in Boston, to not follow him and Tess, and to forget about him if he was to never come back.

But you had fought back with the same intensity. You had told him the truth. That you couldn't do it without him, that he was the only person you trusted.

"fine" he had sighed, after you had given him a headache "but don't do anything stupid"

And at that, you had smiled "When have I ever?"

Now everything had changed once again, Tess was dead.

You would expect it to get easier, loss... but it doesn't.

you never told her, she never knew, and now she'll never know.

You were four months pregnant, shirts had just started getting tighter, and your brain fuzzier.

you still hadn't told Ellie. For some reason it felt like the moment you did, everything would become real, and your luck would run out.

You had "met" Henry and Sam along the way, Joel wasn't a big fan, but you liked them, especially Sam, he was a smart boy.

You had walked in the tunnels all day until you stumbled across an underground settlement.

"Can we rest here for a while?" Ellie asked after she and Sam found one of the awful comics they apparently both loved "There's like- actual shit to do here"

"wouldn't be so bad to wait the light out a bit" Henry intervened, feeling the need to explain himself better when Joel shot him a look "safer in shadows when we pop back out on the other side"

He wasn't convinced, you could see it, and your feet were killing you, so...

"please Joel" was all you needed to say to change his mind.

"fine" he sighed "Just for a while," he said, before walking to you.

"Are you all right?" he asked, worry evident in his tone

"I'm fine, I'm just tired"

"did you eat enough?"

You smiled "I did"

His eyes fell to your belly for a moment "Here" he said, reaching in his pocket for some food he had in a napkin "Eat this"

"Joel..."

"I don't need to eat tonight, don't worry"

"you do need to" you protested, trying to give it back

"no" he shook his head "what I need is for you to be healthy"

You bit down a smile as you put the food in your backpack "Y'know... I miss kissing you"

"I kissed you this morning"

"yeah well..." you pouted

"I know," he said, as his thumb stroked your arm "I miss it too"

Ellie's laugh brought you both back to reality.

You grinned, watching as she talked to Sam.

"I better go see what she's up to," you said "wouldn't want her to teach the poor kid all the bad words she knows"

Joel's lips twitched into a small smile "We'd be here for hours" he joked, making you laugh "Try to rest, ok?" he said, more seriously now.

"Yes sir" you mocked "you too"

Something traveled between your eyes before you went your way.

Joel watched as you sat with the kids, and decided to sit next to Henry, he owed him some sort of apology.

"If you were collaboratin' to take care of him, I shouldn't have said what I said. I don't know your situation. And I'm not saying they should let it go, but... all things considered, seems kinda cruel to send a whole army after you for that" Joel spoke, his eyes not leaving you. He knew damn well he too, would do anything for you or the baby.

"You know, I wasn't exactly telling you the truth before, about me not killing anyone," Henry said after some time, as he started telling Joel everything, about Kathleen's brother, about Sam's sickness... everything.

"I am the bad guy because I did a bad guy thing," Henry said, pain and frustration tracing his words "but you get it though. you might not be her father, but you were someone's... and you're gonna be someone's"

Joel's jaw twitched, and he tightened his fists as he stared at the man.

How does he know?

"I see the way you glance at her whenever you hear a noise, I see how you always get her behind you," he explained, without needing to be told to "The first thing you said when we woke you up with guns pointing at you was, - don't point it at her-" Henry recalled "plus" he smiled "she's the only one you listen to"

"don't worry" Henry said, noticing Joel's look "I won't tell"

They both turned in your direction, as they heard you reading the comic aloud.

Both the kids were looking at you, completely hypnotized.

"she'll be a great mother"

"I know," Joel said "I know she will"

— —

Pt. 2

[ramibow]

This is me casually rewriting Obey Me’s plot, don't mind me.

Manic Ramblings™ below:

This is mostly about their ages and their time during The Great Celestial War. I've got more but I don't want this post to be longer than it already is.

In canon they are all adults and Levi was even a navy general but I cannot for the life of me imagine that so I’m throwing it out.

Obey Me also doesn’t have canon ages for any of the brothers, and I’m not certain if they’ve confirmed their age order. People often reference their rankings (Lucifer, Mammon, Leviathan, Satan, Asmodeus, Beelzebub, Belphegor), but that is the order of how powerful they are, which is why Satan is #4 instead of #7.

Here are the ages I’m giving them during The Great Celestial War (in angel years): Lucifer (18), Mammon (15), Asmodeus (14), Leviathan (12), Beelzebub (8), Belphegor (8), Satan (0/5)*

I think in canon Leviathan would be older than Asmodeus, but I decided to cast him deeper into the pits of middle child hell (also I wanted Mammon and Asmodeus to be closer in age as a part of my personal agenda.)

*Since Lucifer had a Zeus moment and popped Satan from his noggin, I imagined him as being the equivalent of 5 when he was “born” during the Celestial War. Let’s say it was five angel years of built up rage culminating into a person. 

That being said, Lucifer would be the only one that directly fights in the war. Mammon wanted to fight by his side but Lucifer would not let that happen (and god help you if you defied the man). Instead, Mammon is in charge of keeping his siblings safe since they’re basically traitors/fugitives.

Plus, since Lucifer is fighting a war, he doesn't have a lot of time to see his brothers. This is the first time they've been separated from him for a long period of time, so it's been hard for them. They wonder if Lucifer will get killed and the angels that used to be their friends will imprison them (or worse). Paranoia and fear constantly loom over them. The Celestial Realm is all they've ever known, and they don't feel safe there anymore.

Escaping the Celestial Realm is a task in and of itself. I imagine teleportation magic as being something extremely complex and thus requiring a spellbook to perform (so you don’t end up halfway through a wall or something). The brothers did not have that, thus, they spent most of the war hiding out in the outskirts of the Celestial Realm.

Satan appears near the end of the war. Lucifer did not tell his brothers how/where Satan came from (this will come back later for plot-related stuff). Since Satan is the embodiment of wrath, living with him took some adjusting. 

Asmo made it his mission to help domesticate his feral brother with Mammon’s help, of course.

Levi was terrified of Satan, but Satan was curious about him. I like to imagine that Levi sparked Satan’s interest in reading because I think that would be cute. 

Belphegor and Satan would fight a lot when they first met (I imagine Beel, Belphie and Satan as the trifecta of “children most likely to bite you”). Over time they would grow to enjoy each other’s company.

So, yeah. This AU is just going to be "thing I want to change/things I think would be kinda cool + plot". I want to post more stuff but drawing a comic is difficult so I had to settle for this instead.

If you're interested in seeing more I'm going to put any future Lore™ under OM Eden AU for convenience.

[yanderestarangel]

Possessive sex with the Lin Kuei trio (separated) hc plssss

— 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐊𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒 𝐌𝐊1 | 𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐎 𝐋𝐈𝐍 𝐊𝐔𝐄𝐈 | "𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐖𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃 𝐈𝐓 𝐁𝐄 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐒𝐄𝐒𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐒𝐄𝐗 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌?" | 𝐒𝐌𝐔𝐓 𝐄𝐃𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

— TW : afab anatomy, pet names, degradation, rough sex, extreme sex, v!sex, possessive sex, toxic relationship, exhibitionism.

ੈ✩ 𝐓𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐒 𝐕𝐑𝐁𝐀𝐃𝐀 ੈ✩

He is very insecure by nature, losing his entire family in the blink of an eye messed with some of Tomas's screws, making him possessive and afraid of losing you, whether literally or sentimentally. He will always ask you if you still love him or if you still want him to be your boyfriend, it always ends with Vrbada fucking you while crying insecurely holding you closer and closer to him as he begs for more and more of you.

Never flirt with anyone, he will suffer too much and even cry when he gets home, he won't accept your excuses, only getting sicker for you, he would assert his dominance over your body. He's a sub! But that changes when you decide to make him jealous, whether on purpose or not.

— reason for jealousy: You were flirting with someone else.

"-Do you want to play (Y/N)?" -He growled, his voice filled with a dangerous tone. "-Alright. You will learn that defying me only brings punishment."

Tomas' control over you has been sealed. "-You will submit to me... You will beg for my forgiveness and obey my every command. No more defiance you fucking slut. Take your punishment like a good boy/ girl." -With a quick and strong movement, Tomas laid you down on the cold kitchen table, the hard wood beneath your back sending shivers of pleasure and discomfort throughout your body. He played with his dick at the entrance to your wet pussy, squeezing your breast tighter.

The feeling of the cold table beneath you, the pain mixed with pleasure, only served to increase your arousal.

"-Who do you belong to?" -Vrbada demanded, in a commanding tone.

"-Say it. Say you're mine and no one else's." -Tomas screamed in anger and fury, as he pushed his dick further into your uterus, he cried, thick tears stained his cheeks as his smoke magic circulated around his entire body, suffocating you one little, leaving you even more dizzy with desire and submission, a dangerous submission.

"-Were you looking for another dick, someone to fuck you better than your husband?" -Tomas shouted between moans, not accepting your apology, slapping your face several times while he hit you harder, he was upset, and didn't want to hide his emotions anymore, you felt pain, pleasure but mainly regret for having flirted with someone else, leaving him insecure, now he was inconsolable, while his cock filled you completely. With a final, powerful thrust, he released his hot seed into your pussy, marking you as his submissive, he pulled out minutes later from inside you, he didn't sleep at home that night.

ੈ✩ 𝐁𝐈 𝐇𝐀𝐍 ੈ✩

Never provoke this man... Never.

Bi Han doesn't know how to deal with his own feelings, causing him to lose control much faster and take it out on anyone he finds in his path, whether it's you or not.

Bi Han is controlling, to the maximum, even choosing the clothes you leave the house with, if you want to walk around naked in the house, you can, in his eyes and only his, he even encourages you, never outside the house. And if you do, Bi Han will punish you in many ways and his favorite is sexual.

— reason for jealousy: you wore short clothes on purpose to provoke him.

"-What do you think you're doing, parading around like that? You're just asking for trouble, aren't you? Trying to provoke me?" -He clenched his fists, clearly struggling to control his emotions. "-Well, congratulations. You've succeeded. You've managed to make me exceptionally angry and undeniably turned on. Happy now?" -Bi Han stepped even closer, his tone low and menacing.

"-But let me be clear, little one. You may think you're being clever by flaunting yourself like this, but it won't work. I won't let you manipulate me with your little games. I'm not some weak-willed fool."

Without a moment's hesitation, he seized you by the wrist and roughly threw you to the ground. You landed with a thud, your dress tearing under the force. Before you could react, his hand connected with your cheek, a sharp sting spreading across your skin. "-You think you can find someone better than me, little slut? That's quite bold of you." -As he continued to choke you, his grip tight on your neck, his lips brushed against your ear, his voice low and dangerously erotic. "-You want to play games, my sweet whore? Then let's play. But remember, I always win."

With a rough push, he positioned himself between your thighs, spreading them wide. There was an intense pleasure-pain sensation as he forcefully entered you, stretching and filling you completely. "-Fuck... You're so tight. You think someone else could handle you like I do? No one can make you feel this good."

He grabbed your neck with all his strength, his grip on your throat tightened even more, his eyes shining with anger and desire as he drilled into you. "-You think you're so smart, don't you? Challenging me like this... Well, let me show you how pathetic you really are." With every word, he thrusts into you hard and deep, his pace quickening, the force of his movements echoed the anger and frustration he felt because of you, his thrusts became faster, more intense, the sound of skin slapping against skin.

But he had no intention of giving you what you wanted so easily. "-Oh, my sweet little slut, do you want more? But you still haven't learned your lesson. Let's see how far you're willing to go."

ੈ✩ 𝐊𝐔𝐀𝐈 𝐋𝐈𝐀𝐍𝐆 ੈ✩

Kuai Liang is a very self-assured man, but at the same time, he has problems with trusting people and that includes you too. Always following you to places, regardless of whether he is doing something important or not. Kuai will be your slightly possessive husband, asking you where you were going, who you were going with and what to do. But he wasn't going to fully expose his jealousy to you, just gritting his teeth and feeling his fingertips create sparks of anger, but he wasn't going to say anything, which made you question if he was jealous of you, so, you had the Bad idea to provoke him on purpose, sitting on your friend's lap, and smiling seductively at them, which made Kuai Liang finally explode with anger and possession.

— reason for jealousy :

"-Do you think I would let anyone else have you?" -Kuai Liang growled, he had your friend pinned to the chair, tied with ropes as he fucked you in front of them "-You are mine, this pussy is mine, and I will mark you as mine over and over again. No one else can touch you, just me."

You could feel the weight of his gaze on you, the intensity of his gaze reflecting a mix of emotions.

Anger, jealousy, and fear danced behind his eyes, showing his desperate need to keep you close, to assert his dominance over you. He thrusts his hips up, pushing himself deeper inside you, pleasure coursing through your body. He moans again, this time louder, as he begins to establish a rhythm, his thrusts were strong and aggressive, this time, your dear and kind husband didn't care about anything other than his pleasure, Kuai's eyes danced furiously between your pussy and your friend, who watched everything terrified, while Kuai Liang grabbed your neck, giving you a powerful armbar, your wet pussy continued to drip, proof of your excitement and need for more.

"-You're nothing more than a slut, a toy begging for my touch." -Liang mocked, his fingers digging into your soft flesh. "-You can't cum until I tell you to. You can't feel pleasure without my permission. Remember that, my little slut."

©YANDERESTARANGEL 2023

[fogged--mirror]

tr!clown headcanons weow (heavily based on my design for him)

So whenever he is afk or not physically there (logged off lol) he is a normal sized centipede sleeping in his mask. I think he leaves his mask in his castle room somewhere no one would check (under the bed or sth)

Under the cut a lot more text, mostly losa focused yay yippie

My mans been out cold for most of the month. I think tr!Ros would have found his mask (she is probably the only person who hangs around his room anyway). While trying to put his mask somewhere more nice she finds the bug looking kinda like him? She checks if it's alive and the thing just curls itself on her hand.

It's pretty easy to put together that the strange centipede with - exact colours as Clown's centipede traits, radiating magical energy and, most of all, sleeping in his mask is just Clown in his second form.

Ros thought of trying to wake him up but ultimately decided to just put him back to his hiding spot. "Surely he would be back soon, no need to bother him now!". She showed tr!Sneeg though, just in case. He tried to shake the bug awake for a solid 3 minutes but gave up after it hadn't worked. Still, they know now!

(in my hc they both kinda had an idea about a second form because it was impossible to find Clown whenever he was afk or asleep, Ros thought he has a bug form like her /she can transform into a butterfly swarm when logging off/. Sneeg thought the guy just buries himself in a cave or a dark place because he is a centipede hybrid. It ended up being both of their theories lol).

I like to think they both sometimes visit him and chat. Ros when she needs to rant about something going horribly wrong and Sneeg when he wants to ramble about his machines. To no one's surprise they both usually end the conversation with offhandedly mentioning that they miss him. Sneeg might throw in some insults or lightly shake the sleeping bug a few times for a good measure.

Before the ball they both visited him. Ros tried to get him to wake up and waited for a bit after, she hoped he would be there for her big moment but it's fine, she will surely see him after anyway. Sneeg came by after Ros left, just waiting if the jester finally decides to get up. After a few minutes he leaves, he is late to the ball already, if Clown shows up he will see him anyways.

After the ball it is a bit weird.

Ros remembers him as a friend, but not the little details like his other form. Somehow she still finds him again and just holds him in her shaky hands for a while, the warmth feels nice to her still frostbit skin after returning from the null. It still hasn't fully went away after a few days. She never says a word during all this, puts him back and doesn't speak to him anymore whenever she walks by his room. The tradition slipped her already half shattered mind.

Sneeg hasn't changed that drastically compared to Ros, he still visits, he still rants, still pokes fun at Clown never being here, the usual. But it fizzles out faster than before, despite being fine with his own warden corruption he doesn't really want for a warden to spawn in Clown's room of all places actually. He leaves quicker or barely visits, he has a machine to attend to, an ancient city to visit to, anywhere else but here. Slowly he stops visiting fully.

Clown slightly knows that they both visited and talked to him while he was gone, he recalls some bits of words they said once or twice. Thinking harder about it he feels surprisingly comfortable with them knowing of his other form, the only two people he feels confident wouldn't do something with it never did anything. The immediate next thought is of how to scare the living hell out of Sneeg with it since he can freely transform around or near him now.

Less angst hcs :)

Ros holds bug Clown very carefully a lot, her hands are always cold (mans a lava centipede, he is very good at being a heater). She does so before and after the null (it's like muscle memory - if hands cold grab a bug until they get warmer). If Ros told him she did this he would probably hang around closer to her more (naturally radiates warmth due to lava literally being in his veins but his tail is too hot to comfortably touch when he is awake, so he just exists close by whenever they meet up)

Sneeg holds him like people hold worms on a string or lets him dangle like a noodle. He holds the bug up in front of him and talks to it like it's actually Clown for funnies sometimes. Once dragged his second still dead asleep form to show the blender, sleepiest bug on the realm had no comment and was delivered back to it's room after being called a few insults. After the warden corruption he still hold the jester like a noodle but does less silly things each time he visits.

When Clown inevitably wakes up and learns the other two know he absolutely uses it to his advantage. He jumps down on Sneeg's head multiple times to scare him or worms his way into his cape and just hangs out there if he has nothing better to do (to Sneeg's annoyance but it's better then this guy jumpscaring him or finding a new way to torment him more so he takes it). Ros gets the better end of the stick with his second form. He hangs out near her in bug form because he is comfortable and relaxed enough to do so. Pocket sized bug who still gets used as a heater and follows Ros sometimes! (mostly whenever he is tired or sleepy and just wants to spend time with her).

Silly hc also - Bug Clown is dreaming about lifesteal and rn he is having a nightmare about his mace being stolen so whenever Sneeg or Ros see his bug form it looks distraught and keeps turning in his mask. Neither question it. Bro is fighting for his life while sleeping, godbless. When he wakes up next time he still kind of feels like he is in lifesteal for a good first hour of being back (he overslept real bad and cannot remember what year is it or where he is).

I miss losa so bad can this guy return from the war (lifesteal arc or editing) pretty please. This post is mostly rambling, my b