#this makes more sense than op who just tagged me in a note with only one word | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

fizzyxcustard · 1 year ago

Text

Just My Imagination.

Masterlist of fan fiction

Fandom: Spooks

Pairings: Lucas North x Original Female Character (Amy Holland)

Warnings: Undercover agents, angst, insecurity, anxiety.

Word count: 5725

Summary: From the imagine: "Imagine that you are on an operation with Lucas North, where you have to use a cover story that you’re in a relationship. Only Lucas plays the part a little too well."

Comments/Notes: Requested by anon. Requested as Lucas x Amy. THANK YOU. You know how much I love writing about Lucas and Amy. This piece was requested to be a romantic comedy, but I’m so sorry to say that it wound up just being angsty again.

I hope you like the fic. As always, like, reblog and comment if you enjoy. If you wish to be added to any of my tag lists, let me know.

Operation Greenacre.

Amy looked back over the folder in front of her, memorising all the information inside. Her name while on this operation was Amanda Reynolds, an office assistant in central London at a family law firm. Recently engaged to boyfriend of two years, Ben Waverley, aka Lucas North, her current operation partner.

Amy and Lucas had been given keys to a one-bedroom flat where they would act out their pretend lives, hoping to gather more inside information from their next door neighbours, a couple who were potentially funding terrorists through their charity.

“Are you sure you’re okay to do this?” Lucas asked, hovering at her desk. “If you don’t feel comfortable then tell Harry and we can stand you down.”

“I don’t want to let anyone down,” Amy sighed, giving him an anxious and embarrassed smile. Next to Jo Portman, Amy was the closest in age to Lucas, so could easily pass off as his fiancée. However, Jo was on another operation.

Lucas pulled a chair across from the desk opposite and sat down next to Amy. “Look, you’ve never done this before, and it’s kind of going against procedure here and taking a risk. You don’t have to say yes just to please Harry or to impress anyone. Your safety and wellbeing comes first.”

“But the only other person is Ros.”

“So?” Lucas asked, raising his eyebrows. “Ros and I have had cover stories before where we’ve been in a relationship. We can easily make it work.”

Amy looked at Lucas and felt the butterflies flap more viciously in her stomach. The man was gorgeous, and in Amy’s mind her being seen as his fiancée was even more inconceivable than Ros taking the place. Ros Myers had the confidence and grace that Amy didn’t. Amy was of short stature, more curvaceous, with short dark hair and what she considered more ‘plain’ features. While Amy had proven herself as a damn good analyst and office based intel officer, her confidence waned when venturing into new situations, or when in the company of Lucas.

Near the end of Lucas’ shift, he tapped on Harry’s door.

Harry Pearce, government renowned intelligence officer and senior lead of Section D, raised his head. “Yes, Lucas. Come in.”

Lucas closed the door behind himself and sat down opposite the middle aged man. “I want to talk to you about Operation Greenacre. I don’t think Amy is ready, Harry. I’ve got a feeling that she’s accepted this to try and prove herself to you.”

“Is this because you’re concerned about having to watch out for her, or a genuine interest in her safety?”

“I can’t believe you’d ask me that question,” Lucas scoffed. “I’m worried for her, not me. She’s not ready for field work. Can we just ask Ros to do it?”

“Lucas, Amy has already agreed to this and your documentation is being processed. I can’t stop this from going ahead, and Ros has, as of this afternoon, been put onto Op Hickory. I trust that you’ll be able to help her; the two of you seem to work well together and there’s something about the way she interacts with you. There’s an ease and a trust I sense.”

“I’m not questioning how we work together. I’ve always got on very well with her.”

Harry saw a very faint blush hit Lucas’ cheeks, which was quite rare for him. Not much seemed to faze him, but this conversation appeared to be bringing out the very first signs that Lucas may have been holding a secret close to his heart.

Amy woke early the next morning and rolled over to see that it was quarter to five. She had only gotten a couple of hours sleep, sporadic through the night. Her mind was ablaze with all the details of her new life she was about to live.

Amanda Reynolds. Thirty one years of age. Born in Manchester. Older brother named Thomas. Fiancee of Ben Waverley. A gorgeous man like him wouldn’t ever be interested in someone like me….

The thoughts had trailed off many times, departing from the facts she had to memorise. All she could think about was how appearing engaged to Lucas would seem so far-fetched. She had even looked upon the engagement ring many times, wishing that it was all for real. What an absolutely stupid dream. This woman that she was pretending to be, Amanda Reynolds, had a better life than she had ever had.

At around half seven, after showering, pacing her flat with podcasts playing in her ears, Amy heard her front door buzzer sound. It couldn’t have been the postman, as he normally left all mail in the boxes in the lobby. Deliveries weren’t usually this early.

Amy clicked the intercom. “Hello?”

“It’s Lucas.”

Just his voice was like a wave of pleasurable electricity. It ran down her spine and made her smile. “I’ll let you in.”

As Amy opened her door, she saw Lucas walking up the hallway. He was dressed in blue jeans and a black shirt, with the top two buttons opened. He held something in his hands.

“I hope you haven’t had breakfast yet, Aim,” he said softly.

“I thought we were meeting at nine, at the flat,” Amy said stupidly.

“I just thought you might like to have a bit of food first and relax a bit.”

Amy let Lucas into her flat, feeling the familiar flutter of nerves begin to descend.

“Malcolm has organised the moving van this morning, so a lot of the stuff should be there when we arrive later,” Amy told Lucas, stepping into the kitchen, with him just behind.

“Come and sit down for a bit and don’t think about the op. Relax and take your mind off it.”

Amy looked down at the brown paper bag on the counter and then back up at Lucas, feeling something in her chest, an ache that she had never quite felt before. Not only was he gorgeous, but kind. He actually saw her, and made her feel like she mattered. Or was this purely to try and help her feel more confident to better the outcome of the op? A method of getting the best out of her.

“Did you manage to get that sketch completed?” Lucas asked, taking a large bite out of a croissant.

“Oh, I didn’t think you’d remember that,” Amy said. Only a few days earlier and Amy had been sketching a photo of her nephew at her desk in work. It was a gift that she wanted to give to her sister for her birthday.

By the time that Amy and Lucas had made it to the flat where they would be spending at least the next couple of weeks, Amy felt a little more at ease. The two of them greeted the moving men.

Every now and again, Amy would catch a glimpse of a shimmer of rainbow colours from the corner of her eye, as the sun caught the diamond on her left hand.

It all felt natural as Amy and Lucas began putting items away after unpacking boxes. However, it all changed, when a tall red-headed woman came to their open door. She tapped on it and stepped over the threshold and into the living room. “Hello?”

“It’s okay,” Lucas whispered to Amy as they remained together in the bedroom, still opening boxes. “You’ll be fine. I’ll be with you in a minute.” Then he winked at her, watching as her startled face disappeared out of view.

“Morning,” Amy said, her face beaming at the sight of the redhead. “I’m guessing you’re a neighbour?”

“I am. I’m Pamela from next door, at number five. I heard we were getting new neighbours. It’s been so long since anyone has lived here, and I was starting to wonder if they’d ever find tenants.”

Amy chuckled nervously. “I’m Amanda. My fiancée Ben is still in the bedroom trying to put the bed back together, so he should be out in a bit.”

On cue, just as Amy spoke those last words, Lucas appeared and approached. He curled his arm around Amy’s waist and drew her in against him. “Hi, I’m Ben. I hate moving. It makes me do some DIY which is one of my pet hates.”

As Lucas spoke, Amy was sure that she could feel Lucas’ fingers moving in an almost circular motion against her waist. She could feel heat rising up her body at the sensation of being in such close proximity of him.

“Is that a diamond I see?” Pamela asked, her dark eyes growing bright.

Amy raised her hand to show her new neighbour. “We’ve been engaged about two months now.”

Lucas pulled Amy that tad closer as she spoke, feeling a deep warmth rise upward and fill him. Without even thinking, he placed a kiss on her temple. Her skin was so soft under his lips and he could smell strawberries, no doubt from her shampoo.

“You’ll have to come over for dinner tomorrow,” Pamela offered. “We always enjoy hosting dinners for our neighbours. Ted is ever the showman.”

“That sounds lovely,” Amy said, her voice ever so slightly teetering on the edge of nervousness. She could feel the change in her voice now that Lucas was touching her.

“I’ll let you both get back to it. I’ll see you around no doubt.”

As Pamela disappeared into her front door, Amy immediately pulled from Lucas. She turned away from him and dashed away into the kitchen, where she flicked on the kettle for a drink. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she could feel her legs shaking. For a few seconds, she watched out of the window, focusing on the clouds and took a deep breath.

“Are you okay?” Lucas asked. “You did well, Aim.”

“Yeah, I’m okay. Just a little flustered, that’s all.”

The rest of the day was fairly lowkey, with Amy and Lucas putting the belongings away, which hopefully wouldn’t be needed for too long. At the briefing, Harry and Lucas had explained that they hoped that the undercover part of the op wouldn’t be any more than two or three weeks. Most of it hinged on Lucas being able to wind his way into Ted Delaney’s trust and gain any hints as to his reasoning and motives for working alongside terrorists.

At around six there was a sharp knock at the door.

Lucas opened the door, only to see Ted Delaney in front of him. Positive ID made from all the documentation that had been gathered prior to the undercover portion of the op going live.

“I’m Ted from next door. Pam told me you’d moved in and that she’d invited you to dinner tomorrow. Thought I’d come over and extend my welcomes to you both.”

Ted Delany was a man who was easily in his mid-fifties. His greying hair was swept back and oiled, and his grey eyes were piercing. His clothing showed that he had money and position: a well-tailored navy suit and shined shoes.

“Would you like a drink with us?” Lucas asked.

“Sure,” Ted said, flashing a broad smile.

Lucas immediately approached the whiskey and vodka bottles that were neatly placed out on a small table next to a large bookcase.

Amy could hear faint chatter as she remained in the bedroom. For a second, she stood with her back to the wall, took a deep breath and then exited.

“Hey, babe,” Lucas said, seeing Amy. ‘Babe’ somehow felt wrong in his mouth, and he hoped that to Delaney the word didn’t come across too alien. “This is Ted from next door.”

“Ted, this is Amanda. The love of my life and wife-to-be.”

I think that may be a bit too much, Lucas. Amy mused.

Amy sat down on the black leather sofa which was opposite a matching armchair, where Ted had perched himself.

Lucas handed the glass of whiskey to Ted and then placed himself down next to Amy. His hand rested on her thigh, again doing that circular motion with his fingers. He looked at Amy, passing her a glance. “Do you want me to get you anything from the kitchen?”

“You’re missing out on the good stuff, love,” Ted said with a hearty chuckle and raised his glass in the air.

“No, I’m fine, thank you,” Amy replied. “I’ve never been able to hand alcohol particularly well. It just doesn’t sit well with me.”

“I remember when we first met, and she tried to impress me by drinking a couple of pints,” Lucas said. “She’s always tried to impress me when there’s no need to. She’s perfect the way she is.” Lucas, on instinct, squeezed her leg.

Amy felt a rod of red hot head swarm in her head, as if angry wasps were buzzing there. “I always felt I was out of your league, Ben, you know that.”

“Pam was always like that with me, too. Some women might seem like they have confidence, but deep down they don’t, and feel they need to be something they’re not. In fact, they’ve always been the apple of your eye from the very beginning.”

Lucas chuckled. “That’s definitely always been the way with her. She doesn’t see how amazing she is.”

Ted only stayed for approximately twenty minutes, before leaving Amy and Lucas for the night. There was a silence that had grown between them both now, and as Lucas remained in the living room, Amy sat in the kitchen with a mug of tea between her arms, which were resting on the table.

“Aim, what’s wrong?” Lucas asked, finally following her into the kitchen. “You’ve been quiet since Delaney left. Is it making you uncomfortable?”

Lucas looked down at the table to see the engagement ring. It was in the centre of the table, not on Amy’s hand where it should have been for the op.

“I can’t wear it, Lucas,” Amy said softly. “Not when it’s not real. I can’t close the door and still have it on my hand. It’s bad enough having to have you touch me.”

“Amy…”

“It doesn’t matter what I think. We see this op through and then go back to the grid and get on with things.”

Lucas lay on the sofa, while Amy had the bed, and thought on her words. It’s bad enough having you touch me. Was she disgusted by him? That very thought made his jaw clench and an ache rise in his chest. That was why she had dashed from him when Pamela had been at their door; Amy found him disgusting and couldn’t stand him touching her. And that touch had been real, so real in Lucas’ mind. To hold Amy next to him had felt like everything was perfect, and nothing was an act. The kiss on her temple...that was all from Lucas’ heart.

Amy tossed in bed, replaying the events. The way Lucas had touched her, and those words. They seemed to be somehow as though he was telling her, behind a mask of someone else, that…. Of course he wasn’t!

Lucas is good at his job. He’s done this so many times before and played the part well to get what’s needed for the case and then move on. Nothing is different about this operation whatsoever. It’s just my imagination.

Being in a different bed meant that Amy couldn’t quite get comfortable in the bed, and would keep peering out of one eye at the clock on the bedside table. The bed was big, enough space for her to roll around, but it reminded her of how isolated she felt. Cut off. Unwanted.

It was just after four ‘o’ clock and Amy knew she wouldn’t sleep any more that night. It was like the night before, just a couple of hours made up of half hour dozing phases. A dull thump was already starting up behind her eyes. As Amy pulled herself out of bed, she heard the whishing of blood in her ears.

She staggered out of the room and across the living room, heading for the kitchen. There, on the sofa, sprawled out was Lucas. He was on his back, mouth wide open. The patchwork quilt had fallen off him, so Amy tottered over to him, and placed the quilt back over his sleeping form. He twitched as the quilt touched him, let out a loud snore, and then rolled over.

Amy made a cup of herbal tea and sat in the kitchen, her eyes stinging and head thumping. It seemed as if Lucas slept easily, not worrying about the operation and certainly not about the tension that had risen between them. Was it only Amy that sensed any kind of tension? She was starting to assume it was.

By the time it had turned half six, Amy got dressed into a fresh strip of clothing, choosing jeans and a frilled white blouse: the attire of Amanda Reynolds. Amy Holland, MI5 analyst, would have opted for jeans and a rock band T-shirt with a waistcoat, or a bright coloured hoodie. Sophistication wasn’t something that Amy felt she had.

The streets were fairly quiet and Amy slipped into a café, ordering two bagels and two Americano coffees. Then she walked back to the flat, feeling that she could finally find a sense of peace out in the chilled mid-March air.

By the time Amy got back to the flat, she walked in to find that Lucas had vacated the sofa. She could hear the splashing of bathwater and an offkey singing voice coming from the bathroom.

Amy giggled and placed the breakfasts down on the coffee table in the living room, waiting for Lucas to re-appear.

When he finally made an appearance, Lucas sauntered over to the sofa and sat down, leaving a gap between Amy and himself.

“I hope you like bagels,” Amy said, giving a smile. “You brought breakfast yesterday so it’s only fair I do so today.”

***

Amy ventured out the flat after breakfast, deciding to get out of Lucas’ way for a few hours. The cover story was that Amanda and Ben were on annual leave for a week while they moved into their new property. Ben, being the owner of his own accountancy firm, had left the company in the capable hands of his best friend, and co-director, Patrick Lange. If any kind of phone call was needed to or from Patrick, Tariq had been asked to step in and lend his vocal skills.

First off, Amy sat down in a coffee shop and watched people wander past the window; tourists, residents. Some of them she could tell immediately as residents of London, carrying briefcases or dressed sharp for an upcoming meetings. Tourists tended to walk slower, some with cameras around their necks, and gazed around in excitement and wonder.

Her phone chimed. Well, Amanda’s phone. It was one of the many iPhones that were kept on the Grid specifically for operations, with disposable SIM cards.

Ben: Are you sure you’re okay? You didn’t seem yourself this morning. Love you. Xxx

Of course all text messages had be sent in character, in case the devices were ever compromised. No personal devices were allowed. One very basic Nokia 3310 model was kept in order to report back to Harry in case any challenges occurred, and that was in Lucas’ possession.

Amanda: Yes, I’m fine, sweetie. I’ll be back later.  xx

Sweetie. Acting out this whole made-up scenario was angering Amy.

Amy continued on walking, disappearing in and out of shops. All of the money she had was in physical cash. No personal credit and debit cards were to be used while on operation. Every aspect of who she really was had been erased. For the next two or three weeks, Amy Holland didn’t exist. When she looked into a mirror, Amanda Reynolds looked back. Amy could imagine the reflection smirking at her, the diamond sparkling so brightly on her left hand, with Ben’s arm wrapped around her. Ben’s steel blue eyes looking back, his nose wrinkled in disgust at the mere sight of Amy.

Like I’d ever look at you twice.

Back at the flat, Lucas put more items away, concentrating on the kitchenware. However, his mind couldn’t stop spiralling into thoughts of Amy. She was confusing him and it was twisting his gut so tight. Suddenly he got up from the tiled floor, where he had been putting pots and pans into the cupboards, and called her.

“Amanda?” he asked.

“Ben,” she replied matter-of-factly.

“Are you alone?” he asked.

“No one is directly around me.”

“We need to talk on neutral ground.”

“Please, no. We can talk when I get back.”

“We have to be careful as we can be compromised, you know that.”

“I’m on my way back now. We’ll talk more after the dinner. I’ll be back in about half hour.”

The line then went quiet as Amy terminated the call.

Lucas sighed in frustration. In all the months that he had known Amy, which was almost a year, he had never known her be so aloof. She was naturally a shier person, but he had never known her react like this.

Amy got back to the flat within the half hour that she had promised. She stepped into the living room to see Lucas sat on the sofa. The gorgeous bastard looked up at her and smiled sadly.

“After the dinner, we’ll go for a walk,” she proposed.

***

Amy and Lucas prepared themselves for the dinner with their new neighbours at around six.

Lucas was dressed in a black suit jacket and white shirt, with the top two buttons popped open. It was complimented nicely with a pair of dark jeans, giving a casual edge.

Amy stepped out of the bedroom, her short pixie cut freshly washed and neatly brushed. She wore a black dress with frills on the wrist, and paired with black dolly shoes. Her whole look was sophistication mixed with a sense of comfort.

As Lucas looked at her, he swallowed hard. She was wearing a dark eyeshadow and mascara which accented her deep green eyes perfectly. He could sense her discomfort at the get-up, knowing that this wasn’t her usual style, but he couldn’t help feel it suited her so well.

Amy tried to avoid eye contact and made her way to the door in silence.

Lucas followed on behind, feeling his stomach twist yet again at her distance from him. He grabbed a bottle of wine from the table by the door, and then closed it behind them.

Pam was the one to answer the door. She grinned at her new neighbours and let them in. “Take a seat. Dinner won’t be too long now. I’m preparing smoked salmon, topped in my special sauce. Chef’s secret as to the recipe. Everyone who has ever tried it has raved over it.”

“Good man!” Ted exclaimed, taking the bottle of red wine from Lucas. “Priorities.”

Amy glanced around the living room, noticing that there was far less in it than hers and Lucas’ temporary abode. The flooring was wooden, and the lights bright. Everything felt too clean and sterile for Amy’s liking. She sat down on a black leather sofa, and then tensed as Lucas perched beside her. He took her hand and rested it on his knee, then caught her gaze and smiled, giving her a very slight nod.

“So, how did you two meet?” Pam asked, preparing glasses as Ted popped open the wine bottle.

“Do you want a coffee? You said last night you don’t drink,” Ted asked Amy, interjecting himself into the conversation before anyone else could speak.

“Oh, yes, please. That would be perfect,” she replied with a grateful smile.

Lucas began to talk, still holding Amy’s hand. He rolled out the spiel that he and Amy had been given as part of their briefing pack. Amanda and Ben had met through mutual friends at a Christmas party.

The words rolled effortlessly off Lucas’ tongue, Amy mused. And how she wished all of it was true. To be loved, wanted, proposed to, lived with. She desperately wanted it all. Life was cruel. Rather than be dealt such a lucky hand, she instead had to act it all out, pretend, and live behind a happy mask, where her heart beneath was breaking.

“You definitely struck lucky, love,” Pam told Amy with a wink.

The conversation between Lucas and Ted seemed to flow without much thought. However, Lucas’ hand moving up Amy’s thigh, curling further into the inside of her leg.

Shivers began to race up Amy’s spine as she felt his fingers caress her skin through her thin tights.

Most of the conversation seemed to merge into a mindless chatter as Amy concentrated on Lucas’ hand on her leg. She studied the veins in the back of his hand, which then caused images of him touching her in more intimate places to flicker through her mind.

By the time that dinner was ready and the group had moved into the dining room, which again was a sterile looking room, Lucas had finally got onto the topic of conversation that he needed: Ted’s work.

The table was only small, considering that the flat was large. It gave way for more kitchen space and cabinets. This meant that Amy was sat directly next to Lucas again, with Pam and Ted opposite them.

“How long have you owned the charity, Ted?” Lucas asked, slipping into his seat.

Ted began to answer while Pam laid out all the dishes in the centre of the table, her hands covered in oven gloves. “The charity was actually started by my father, who died five years ago, so it was handed down to me. He always spent his life helping disadvantaged children; it was all he cared about.” Something flickered across Ted’s face. Resentment, anger? Lucas couldn’t quite tell. But maybe that was where he could probe further.

“Are you alright, love?” Pam asked, sitting down directly opposite Amy. “You look a bit pale.”

“It’s probably the new foundation I’m using. I decided to try a lighter colour as the one before, by Clinique was too dark.” Where had that response come from? Maybe Amy wasn’t quite as bad at this acting while undercover thing as she had originally thought. Suddenly she felt something on her leg and jumped. Thankfully, Pam had started talking to Lucas and Ted again, so none of them noticed her jump. Why was Lucas touching her leg? Their lower halves were concealed beneath the table, which meant he didn’t have to touch her in order for anyone to believe they were lovers.

While Amy eat her meal, she couldn’t stop thinking about Lucas’ hand coming back to her leg.

“So, how did you choose to propose?” Pam asked, grinning. “I always adore love stories.”

Lucas blushed and then looked at Amy, catching her gaze. Then, he touched her leg again. Only this time, Amy didn’t flinch. In fact, upon instinct, she leaned her leg into his touch. “I just knew that I couldn’t live without her in my life. I wanted to wake up next to her, have kids with her. Cliché, I know. So I took her away for Christmas, to New York where she’d always wanted to go, and proposed in front of the Statue of Liberty.” His eyes were still locked on hers as he spoke.

A sudden wave of nausea hit Amy and she leaned to the side, away from Lucas.

“Are you okay, babe?” Lucas asked. “She’s been like this on and off the last couple of days.”

Pam’s bright blue eyes lit up in excitement. “Maybe it’s the pitter patter of tiny feet.”

“I’m going to have to head back to the flat. I’m so sorry to both of you,” Amy said, bolting up from her seat.

Lucas got up beside her and wound his arm around her waist. “Sorry to leave so abruptly, but she comes first.”

“Of course,” Ted chuckled. “We’ll have to re-schedule for a better time.”

Amy and Lucas bid their farewells to their guests and head back to the flat. Amy dashed inside and raced to the bathroom, slamming the door. Rather than vomiting, she got to her knees on the floor and felt the tears of sadness roll down her cheeks.

The door opened and Lucas stepped inside. He looked down as she sobbed and fell to his knees beside her. “Aim, what’s wrong?” he whispered. “You’re scaring me.”

“You don’t have to keep the act going, Lucas,” she snapped, glaring at him. “Pam and Ted aren’t here.”

“Get dressed into something more comfortable and warmer. We’ll go for a walk,” Lucas said, his voice becoming authoritative.

“I don’t want…”

“While we’re on this operation, I’m the senior officer. Please get changed and we’ll go for a walk.” Lucas felt a stab of shame as he spoke those words, knowing he was using his own position for gain, but he needed to know what was happening. Her behaviour was becoming more erratic. Not only was she worrying him for her wellbeing, but if she continued to act like this then the op would be compromised.

Fuck the operation! I care more about her.

Fifteen minutes later and Amy walked beside Lucas, the darkness and cold evening air wrapping tight around them. Once they were a few streets away from the flat, Amy and Lucas sat down on a bench in a small park.

“You really are scaring me, Amy. What’s wrong?” he asked quietly. “This is me asking because I care for your wellbeing. It’s not an act.” The word ‘act’ dripped with anger. He noticed that, yet again, she’d taken the engagement ring off.

Amy noticed him look at her hand. “I can’t wear that ring, Lucas. Please don’t make me wear it when I don’t have to.”

“We’re on surveillance and undercover twenty-four seven with this operation. You shouldn’t take it on and off when you please like this. This goes deeper than that, Aim. I know you hate me touching you, and I’m sorry I have to do it.”

“I know it’s all an act for the op, Lucas. Don’t apologise.”

“Is it all an act?” he asked. His gaze locked on Amy’s. “I know I shouldn’t have touched you under the table. There was no need for that. The truth is, none of this has been an act for me.”

Amy’s eyes were wide in shock and sadness as she stared at him. “It’s not just my imagination?” she whispered.

“No,” Lucas replied with a smile. “And when you said about not wanting me to touch you…”

“I didn’t mean that I didn’t want you to touch me. It’s I…I’ve liked you for a while Lucas, and it was getting too much. Playing it all like a game when deep down it’s something I want. I’m living another woman’s life that I want.”

Lucas slipped closer to Amy and cupped her cheek with his hand. “Is it me or Ben Waverley that you want?”

“Of course it’s you I want.” Amy replied, her face broad with a huge smile.

Lucas moved even closer to her still, until their lips touched. The kiss started as a simple peck, a moment of uncertainty, but Amy’s hand tugging Lucas’ jacket spurred him on. The kiss grew deeper, their tongues meeting and warmth rising.

As they both parted, Lucas smiled upon the slight of Amy’s beautiful flushed cheeks. She looked so innocent and angelic in those moments; her eyes sparkling in happiness, her cheeks flushed and her lips plump.

“Does this mean that if you want Amanda’s life that you’re planning on leaving MI5?” Lucas chuckled. “Pack up and go work as a solicitor’s secretary. We’d miss you.”

“Maybe I don’t want that part of her life.”

“If we do this, Aim, and have a relationship, we won’t be put together undercover again, you know that, don’t you?” Lucas asked. “Harry can’t risk any compromise. We’d be a weakness to each other.”

“Maybe on this op we can draw strength from each other. It’ll definitely make the act easier to keep up.”

Lucas and Amy walked back to the flat hand in hand. The whole time and Amy was beaming, unable to hide the happiness she was feeling in those moments. Her gaze would drift down to their joined hands every few minutes.

Back at the flat, Lucas let Amy in ahead of himself, his hand brushing against her lower back. He followed on behind her and closed the door. The way she turned to face him and looked up smiling, her cheeks still flushed, made his heart skip and his stomach flutter. She was so beautiful, with innocence shining brightly in her eyes and love curling her lips upwards.

Lucas stepped forward and wound his arm around her waist, drawing her in and then leaned down to kiss her again.

Their kiss grew hot very quickly, with their bodies entwining.

Amy opened her eyes slowly, looking up into the silver blue depths of Lucas’ gaze. That all too familiar smirk began to form in the corner of his mouth.

Amy slipped out of his hold and walked slowly into the kitchen, looking down at the table. The engagement ring was still in the centre where she had left it.

Lucas moved around her and picked up the ring. Then he gently lifted her left hand. “I know you don’t want to wear it, Aim, but please do this for me.”

With a sigh, Amy watched as Lucas slid the diamond solitaire ring onto her hand. It felt as though the ring had been sized perfectly and belonged there. “Maybe one day I’ll have someone doing it for real.”

Lucas smiled sadly, feeling a lump form in his throat. Words swarmed in Lucas’ mind. Just one sentence to respond to Amy’s sad comment. But the right one would not come. Instead, he remained quiet. Perhaps one day it might have been him putting a ring on her hand, and meaning it. However, for now, he would have to wait and see, and hope for that future to come.

***

Follow Forever tag list: @lathalea @xxbyimm @middleearthpixie @linasofia @knittastically @asgardianhobbit98 @rachel1959 @luna-xial @mrsdurin @quiall321 @missihart23 @lemond57 @evenstaredits @catthefearless @the-fragile-heart-of-a-lady @glassgulls @sazzlep @aliasauthor @solairewisteria @little-bird-99 @court-jobi @heilith @absentmindeduniverse @albionscastle @for-fuck-sake-im-alive @bookworm-with-coffee @danzalladaggers @ourlonelymountain @phantomessangel @estethell @windb3ll

If you wish to be added or removed, please let me know.

#Lucas North #Spooks #MI5 #Richard Armitage #Fanfic #Lucas North x OFC #Lucas North x OC

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utilitycaster · 8 months ago

Note

Hi! I saw your tags on the escape room poll that Team Liam would be last and I wanted to ask why? While I agree that they wouldn’t be first, I wouldn’t put them last either. Do you think they would just have too much conflict to use their skills?

I didn't realize this was from last night's 4SD and because OP said "Battle Royale" I assumed that it was in some way a combat-oriented escape room, in which the lack of a dedicated/significant healer (Vax has, what, 30 lay on hands and a couple low level spell slots) and the fact that Orym is one decent but not incredible tank among two of the most tissue-paper characters in terms of HP would spell their defeat.

With the understanding that this is a traditional escape room here's my thought process:

From my escape room experience there are four skills that map easily into D&D skills and one that does not map into the D&D character skill chart but does map extremely well onto players. They are:

Investigation/raw intelligence. How good are you at inspecting and comprehending things?

Sleight of Hand/raw dexterity. How good are you at manipulating objects/fine motor control?

Persuasion or Intimidation/raw charisma. How good are you at convincing people to work together or perform tasks?

Perception. How good are you at generally noticing things right away?

The most crucial thing, however, is "do you try dumb shit and push buttons and try to figure out everything quickly." And so:

Toss up between Travis and Sam's character teams in terms of the D&D skills; Chetney and Veth are both particularly suited for escape rooms between strong intelligence and high dexterity. I think Sam's team overall is probably stronger; Tary's mechanical knowledge and FCG's desire for everyone to work together and Scanlan's general buffing abilities/capacity to get people to do what he wants (presumably win) mean everyone has a lot to bring to the table. FCG is the only one with decent perception, iirc, though, and Travis as a player is fundamentally a button pusher and therefore his characters will inherit this energy even though Chetney and Fjord are going to be carrying the entire thing (although, actually, Grog will probably respond well to being asked to perform tasks or look for things).

Taliesin's characters have the combined skills but unfortunately with the except of Caduceus they all have the trait "does not work well with others" and Ashton and Percy in particular wouldn't listen to Caduceus and they're the ones with the most relevant skills here. Beau could do an escape room on her own and probably would (note: someone told me this is what Marisha said on 4SD and I agree wholeheartedly) but necessarily will be less effective than groups who work together. Vex would do pretty well and would be competitive enough, but none of Laura's characters are particularly expert in investigation and if Vex and Imogen clash it is 100% over in terms of getting out in time, though I think Jester would make a valiant go of it. None of Ashley's characters crack +1 in investigation and no one has 20 dex, and I doubt most would be interested or competitive about this, though I do think they'd get along the best by far.

Rounding things out, I suspect that Liam's characters are just behind Taliesin's in terms of conflict; it won't be quite as heated but I get the sense all three of them, all of whom are very much about working together with their respective parties, will not be very good at working together with each other, and Orym is the least likely to take the lead despite most suited for it. Caleb is extremely smart but I don't think he'd be the most invested in going super fast. I don't think they'll be last - Ashley or Taliesin are more likely - but they'd certainly not be first. The NPCs, meanwhile, have the advantage of two people who know each other well, a very agreeable and mature person in Eshteross, and Essek and Allura will probably vibe solely on the basis of being wizards who know and like Caleb if they don't know each other personally yet. Iirc Essek and Eshteross should have decent dex scores though not 20, and everyone has diplomatic skills. I believe Allura's wisdom is respectable as well. They'll certainly be the most well-behaved and adult about it.

In conclusion, you're right, probably not last (would almost certainly be last in the combat scenario I mistakenly imagined) but absolutely should not be first.

#answered #promisetourself #cr tag

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katyspersonal · 1 month ago

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How me reblogging some fanart goes:

*scrolls*

There is nothing special about this drawing, nothing to stand out, simply academical level perfect painting with perfect shading of just character in Environment, so I won't give it attention

*scrolls*

There is nothing special about this drawing either but the artist is clearly beginner and is currently ignored, I wish to support them!!! *reblogs*

*scrolls*

I could've forgiven drawing his arm turning into tentacles because although it isn't accurate it is still funny and should have been canon, but his hair is black and waving, not brown and straight! Ignored.

*scrolls*

Her ribbon is not like this at all, but this is a cute interaction! Fine, I will reblog..

*scrolls*

OH MY GOD RARE CHARACTER RARE CHARACTER NO ONE ELSE DRAWS HFHFJVGJ IT IS RARE CHARACTER OH MY GOD BLESS YOU OP I LOVE THAT YOU'VE NOTICED THIS RARE CHARACTER VFUYFJFJ BARK BARK WOOF WOOF 🐕 *chews the post a little before reblogging* *+10 HP*

*scrolls*

Ah, funny mem- VARGRAM ERASURE GOD FUCKING DAMMIT VARGRAM ERASURE DO NOT LAUGH RETREAT RETREAT!!!!!!!! Ugh how the HECK even lore-obsessed freaks like me are still doing this?! I don't care that you enjoy neglecting minor characters, Vargram's set is NOT a covenant set!!!!

*scrolls*

Shit, wtf? Why this person still haven't blocked me, after how negative they've been to my friend? Okay scroll carefully to not accidentally press like on Tumblr mobile.... scroll past carefully.... very slowly...... please mobile don't fuck this up...

*scrolls*

This fanart is really inaccurate visually but the concept is perfectly lore accurate! I am definitely supporting this! *reblogs*

*scrolls*

This person's uncolored doodle got 800+ notes in 3 hours when my best and most detailed works are lucky to cross 50 notes... I am worthless and should quit art, the girls clearly like my lore posts more than my ugly art... *sniffs* No wonder, I draw like a child, my faces are ugly, my anatomy is broken, shading makes no sense... *sobs* I bet fans of the characters I draw have cringe attacks when I touch them... God I remember how back in my Mico simping days other Mico simps side-eyed my fanart of him, and it was clear it is because it is ugly... It isn't even a matter of "they want to prettyfy him" because they do reblog and like "ugly" art of him, they just hate MY style in particular because I am a TERRIBLE artist.... *sobs*

*scrolls*

.....what. the. FUCK. Why THE fuck this perfect, amazing, fully colored drawing with hella effort in it barely has notes? Fuck this fandom, I hate this fandom! Nevermind, my art isn't bad, this fandom is just too stingy for support! *reblogs*

*scrolls*

Haha, nice o- VARGRAM ERASURE VARGRAM ERASURE RETREAT RETREAT

*scrolls*

Wow, these sketches are lovely, I want to reblog- *sees the caption like 'some sketches from insta'* Nah, I do not want to interact with artists who otherwise hang out on another site (which sucks and is very toxic to artists btw) and just use Tumblr as a dumping ground or portfolio. I only like people who actually USE this site.

*scrolls*

Good and quality art, but nothing special about this design. It feels like they drew fanart of the fanon! Could have added their own unique vision smh.

*scrolls*

Oh my god, finally! Finally, fanart of the ship I love so much! I've been- wait wait wait. Why Brador is wearing his beast hyde while Laurence is still alive? Brador's beast hyde is explicitly stated to be that of a Cleric Beast, and Laurence was the FIRST Cleric Beast! No yeah, beggars CAN be choosers. Ignored.

*scrolls*

Oh, good art- wait, why this character's eyes are blue? This character has grey eyes! But also this is such a rare character to draw... Fine. *reblogs but points out the eye color is wrong in the tags*

*scrolls*

Good art, but caption is hostile. No one wants to know that you hate this character under the art of this character. Ignored.

*scrolls*

Good art, reblogged.

*scrolls*

Very well done art, but her chest is not that big! In fact, she is boobless. Maybe next time.

*scrolls*

I want to reblog this fanart, but also despite doing so much work on detail and lighting, they forgot those cute accessories by each side of her big brooch! It could not be the laziness, it obviously was using other fanarts as the reference instead of actual ingame screenshots and model!

*scrolls*

Wh... what... oh my god... Oh my god this person drew the idea I suggested.... I've inspired someone? Oh God. Wait a second. Oh no. I need like a full week to articulate my emotions. Oh God I can't. I didn't just contribute something good in the fandom. Oh no *crying cat*

*scrolls*

I feel nothing for this ship, but this fandom is obnoxious when the female character without canon sexuality they've DECIDED is a lesbian is shipped with male character, so I will support this person. *reblogs*

*scrolls*

Good art, but they have this dumb DNI caption under their post. I don't even fit the criteria, I just don't want to carry the whole "panic about contact with ImPuRiTy" attitude with the drawing! When will people learn that some bad person liking their art is not the end of the world? 🤔

*scrolls*

Wow, good drawing!!! *the tags are the wall of passive aggression towards fans with "wrong" headcanons* Well now I am not reblogging it.

*scrolls*

Goddamit, Crow, I know you are desperate for at least any art of your blorbo, but why would you reblog something that is so careless? They clearly like what they could make out of character instead of actual character's appearance! You were just passionately approving of posts like "stop removing his wrinkles!" or "stop giving her huge honkers!" and now this? 🐓🐓🐓

*scrolls*

CROW YOU REBLOGGED VARGRAM ERASURE I THOUGHT YOU WERE BASED BUT YOU...... YOU ARE C R I N G E 🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓

#fandomry rambles #shitposting #personal #this is Crow hating blog <3

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askinkiskarma · 1 year ago

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Hi x i wanted to talk about something that has happened to me recently, because i feel like it needs to be addressed lol. I would have never considered talking about it if the person in question had had an ounce of maturity and respect, but she obviously doesn’t, and it’s my reputation on the line and my fault for expecting it hahahah.

So a few days ago, the whole Jake is Jacob debacle happened on tumblr, which to me was cute and harmless and fun. Now some people really feel the need to bring other people down and prove (to themselves only, let’s be honest) how “superior” and “intelligent” they are, so she started making fun and basically insulting the OP of the post, which really upset me. I didn’t say anything about it and quietly unfollowed the person, because if i find content I disagree with, that is (to me) the only way to approach the situation.

Anyway, later, i was made aware that she continued trash talking people in the fandom, continuing this tired narrative that despite being the one to initiate it, she was the “victim” bullied by “kids”, which i resented, for a couple of reasons.

1. Ageism is ageism no matter the form it comes in. It is no different to shit on a person just for being young and minding their business, than it is to do so with people who are older.

2. I’m tired of the “i was here first and therefore i am inherently better than you” stupid narrative. You don’t get a cookie cause you found something sooner, pls PLEASE understand that.

3. The “everyone is so young” bs is simply not true. I am the same age as her, so are some of my mooties or just a couple years older, and we’re all here, and we’re all trying to have a good time, and that’s what matters. None of us are out here flaunting our age or our maturity, because it is inconsequential.

4. Saying to someone that their “pre-frontal cortex” isn’t fully developed, is fucking ridiculous. What a stupid argument. You’re really going to insult someone for something they have reasonably absolutely no control over and try to use it as an insult against them? Girlie, in 2023? Do you understand how stupid that is? You think you’re superior cause your mum pushed you out a few years earlier like you had anything to do with it??? Like idk that is wild to me.

5. You can’t insult people on here for “being young and dumb” and how much “better” and “more mature” you are, and then in the same breath pick a fight with them and be willing to die on that hill. Because if you have any sort of common sense, that would imply that you must be succumbing to their levels and you are not capable of having any higher level discourse. Like how do you not see that that you're just proving to everyone how immature you truly are?

So, i wrote her an ask. Not on anon, not trying to start anything, just an ask telling her my opinion and telling her that as someone who is the same age as her, her behaviour is disappointing.

Now i need you to see the message because she won’t show it to you, because she wants to build this narrative that people are “harassing” her. Please note that nobody is “harassing” her. If i wanted to harass her, I could and I would not do it with my username intact. I wanted to her to understand the opinion (that i share with my friends and mooties) of someone who’s the same age as her. She won’t answer it because she knows there is no way to spin this in her favour.

Instead, what she can do, is what she does best. Trying to spin this negatively, insulting me and my writing (you’re 26 and the best you could come up with is “god awful cringey ass fics”? ouch, that hurt.) and tagging it “neteyam imagine” cause what person who wants to read neteyam fics doesn’t want to see that. Now again, she is blocked for me because I absolutely do not want to engage with people like her, but i was made aware of this and since she’s talking about me and could potentially come to people’s inboxes or dms and talking trash about me, i wanted you besties to know and to read everything and make your own minds about it, having all the information, not just what she deems appropriate to give you.

Anyway, sorry for this long ass rant, but it needed to be said. Please, if you don’t agree with someone, especially if it’s over something so incredibly trivial as a name, let it go. It’s not worth it. If it’s something not trivial, block. It’s not worth it. Insulting someone for things they have no control over doesn’t put you on top, it makes you a dick. Acting like you’re inherently better cause you’ve been in a fandom longer isn’t cool, trust me. Just please, save your energy and put it in your art, in your job, in your relationships, in yourself.

Now, i will go write my cringey ass fics 😉 good luck besties, and smooches.

ALSO!!! DO NOT engage with this person. PLEASE. Please do not prove her right. Please do not leave her anon hate or anything of the sort, please please please. It’s not worth it.

#xoxos #should i tag this neteyam imagines too????#ೃ⁀➷ andra rambles #ೄྀ࿐ andra’s personal stuff ˊˎ

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eternity-death · 8 months ago

Note

prev anon here. will just take on 🫧 as a marker.

prev tags “if sunday actually dies”: i’m literally so worried about sunday and the chances of him dying.

leaks ahead.

speaking of, i saw old oti’s letter & it had me going insane imagining a grieving sunday and what acting out of line could/will do, considering the control (a key component of sunday’s when we take his leaked personality into accoumt) over his emotions is fraying, but such only emphasizes that he wants to take control of the situation regarding robin’s death. now, i saw this in between loading screens in-game, and they’re mentioned, but the dreammaster is the true mastermind behind penacony, and old oti warns sunday to act with caution. actually, i wrote a little something to help me summarize old oti’s letter:

The Dreammaster, being higher in rank, is the one who is displeased with his actions. Sunday is the head of the Oak family, but from what we’ve seen, this role does not exert his control over things; it only exerts control over him.

speculations (this is a LONG ask, op i’m sorry)

honestly… perhaps i’m reaching for the moon, never mind that i don’t know how to articulate this properly so if anyone’s out there, please help me make sense of this or clear away the “yapping” spectacle i’m about to showcase here.

but looking back at this summary, this kind of bears a resemblance to ena the order and their assimilation into xipe (aeon of harmony), who the family follows. we already know that xipe is comprised of many entities, ena being “enormous in size” as a part compared to the others xipe has assimilated yet nevertheless “swallowed”. in relation, sunday is only one of the local leaders of penacony as robin said, and oti warns he could get impeached, right? he’s still a part of the whole despite his notable influence. . . . i can’t stress how much i feel i can explain this better.

matter of fact, ena has similar traits to sunday (albeit initial personality leaks) as it is. mentioned to be a “control freak” (herta tells trailblazer, “they could not tolerate any disorder”), to be “absolute, just, and magnificent” (tying this back into sunday being halovian, how they “seem born into the love and admiration of other species and peoples”), to be all-seeing (both have eye motifs, sunday knew about firefly’s death).

even more of a stretch, but ena is a puppet and if we go back to sunday taking after them. well. are you picking up what i’m putting down? (hint: it’s a death flag. after all, to be controlled…and for the family to be fixated on a collective ambition versus an individual’s desire that’s interfering with such ambitions. this isn’t their harmony. his dedication to robin can be considered self-serving, and so doesn’t align with their goals . . . mind overloaded. no more can be said at this time.)

tldr: “it’s all nonsensical! / what is it saying! / i can’t make sense of it either.” the skeptic in me loves looking for nothing …

This reminds me of this theory I saw (I encourage everyone to read it bc it’s so incredibly thought out and all the connections made by op are insane).

The person who made that theory noted that Ena is probably way more involved with The Family than we thought. They also came to three conclusions, one of which is Sunday being used as a sacrifice.

Adding to the sacrifice thing I’m once again reminded of the Dominicus-Sunday theory that Dominicus might possess him/take over his body.

Much to think about… food for thought… something to chew on even if the flavor is foul…

#ramble #sunday hsr

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variousqueerthings · 5 months ago

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@yugiohio #op youre in good company as most people interpret this film as a queer coming of age film. myself included.#i saw it for the first time in my early teens and it impacted me in a way i have never been able to articulate.#ive reserved it from the library so many times. i have the movie downloaded to my computer. i made myself posters.#im still trying to find the dvd. im still trying to find the novel and manga. i love these girls and the way they love each other so much.#anywayyyyy you didnt ask for any of this but this movie is just so important to me and I'm so so so happy youve discovered it#and that youre posting content from it

hope it's okay to put this here, if not will edit the post, buuuut i usually do a little post-movie decompression and your tags are a great place to start it:

i have had this on my letterboxd to watch for awhile, and was tipped over the edge when the director of a play im in said "so there's a biker gang and one of the girls is obsessed with rococo" i cannot tell you what about that description charmed me so much i had to watch it immediately, but hey, sometimes you know that It's Time

i was kind of expecting a really serious film, and it turned out much more like a sweet queer romcom of that early 2000s lesbian flavour (meaning that most of them don't end up more than subtext, but the text in this one is... very text. they pretend they're about to kiss in the end-credits sequence type text)

was fun to accidentally land on another film that's about Style and Taste and The Soundtrack Being Cool, because i watched empire records and then young soul rebels these last couple of days, so clearly that's the theme of this little unexpected watching time

but seriously this film is really Cool, first and foremost, and it's got a fascinating set of philosophies in it about style (especially clothes) that surprised me, because you don't get a lot of cinema celebrating style without at least giving a cautionary "but watch out lest you become Shallow!" i really enjoyed that the arc of this one was "actually i am great at making clothes and im really capable actually, but i'd much rather buy clothes and look pretty in order to be a true rococo woman! the most important thing is dedication to Style! (and ichigo)"

like, her ethos really is high femme camp -- she's there to look beautiful and she enjoys that and she does it on her own terms, and specifically the only person she enjoys making for is... ichigo

and consequently, while she absolutely dresses for herself, there is also a sense that the only person whose opinion she values is also ichigo, and ichigo treats her exactly how she wants to be treated -- when momoko faints, she runs to her and cradles her head, she takes her out on her bike at the end, she's the strong badass to momoko's sweet prettiness

but then in another fun subversion, momoko is the one constantly looking out for ichigo -- she has the clothes she needs (and sells them for cheap), she embroiders her jacket after going a full day on a search for a person we later find out doesn't exist, she wins all the money, she comes for her when ichigo is in danger of getting seriously hurt and saves her, she gets offered a job based on her competencies that later on gives ichigo an opportunity (ironically to look pretty, which... she really really is beautiful) (although they both turn them down after getting a taste of it, they'd much rather roll around on a bike together). ichigo says at the end that she'll simply never be out of her debt, and that makes momoko smile, like yeah, that means they'll have to stay together forever

idk this movie is just so Cool and so Fun and soooo so gay

i also note that the single mild no-homo is so immaterial that watching it i wasn't actually sure if it wasn't about akimi, who was introduced as this beautiful vision that changed ichigo's life back in the day and now it turns out that not only is she engaged to this man, she's pregnant and leaving the gang, shifting ichigo's whole axis -- the framing is on her, she was introduced with the In Love/Lesbian Awakening Gaze, she's the reason ichigo is who she is, and the catalyst for why ichigo eventually leaves the gang (the other catalyst being momoko + the slightly less focused-on one of "not liking the direction it's going in"). it's got such a "im a teenager and upset about this but i cannot say why, it must be because im in love with this guy i barely know and because uh... i don't respect the new leader's vision!"

i think this film also carries a certain kind of vibe that reminds me of streets of fire, that is, in some ways it feels much more like a myth or a fairytale, because everything is so extravagant and yet slightly vague (and i mean that positively). we're being introduced to the origins of a myth of these two people who travel the roads in cool clothes and set biker gangs right, like. Urgh it's so Cool!

and the animation i didnt even mention the animation but it's got Cool Animation too!!!!

it's funny, i tend to land hard on the "gets obsessed with more masc characters" (wow wonder why) but in this one -- while of course they're both great and that's the point -- i was absolutely enamoured with momoko. her casual cynicism, her confusion about why she suddenly cares about one (1) person, her absolute dedication to The Vibe that is her whole being, her seemingly being completely unaware of just how easily she can draw people to her. just, the Power that is momoko (and now she's got the muscle of ichigo, nothing can stop them)

#kamikaze girls #what an absolute delight #queer cinema #me like... ah yes. streets of fire + empire records + young soul rebels + kamizake girls... good vibes #altho young soul rebels has a more serious tone than the rest #im sure ive forgotten something

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alemonyoyo · 30 days ago

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V is for Vendetta but T is for Tension - Ronin x V (Killer Chat):

A/N: I have coined this ship "Bloodhound" since V's username is K9 like dogs lol and cause Ronin is a gore fest and because they also symbolise unconditional love. It's the perfect ship name in my op.

Summary: The devil is in the details. And the details seem to be telling V that he might be a little more than obsessed with Ronin.

Words: 2804

Tags: Feelings Realisation, Enemies To Lovers, V is really in his head about EVERYTHANG, over use of italics?

@goreboy: sure Baby catch me if you can

It was messages like these that made his blood boil the most. The catty nicknames and taunts that really show Ronin’s true depravity. He was a murderer. A sick fuck who did little outside of tormenting the good of the modern world. And despite that being his livelihood, when met with threats of capture, he couldn’t care less!

@K9: I will. Just you wait.

He typed it out, feeling his fingers jaggedly tremble, trying to hold themselves back from a lengthy diatribe that he’d surely get mocked for. He was used to the teasing. After 2 years it’s hard not to be, but right now he really needn’t get more flustered.

He didn’t wait for a response, flicking back over to another tab on his desktop; The Butcher’s police reports spread out on scanned documents, each fitted with the scrawling hand of the men in blue. He had been going through each of the reports, noting each death's location on a map he kept up in another window, now pin-pricked red with small dots that coagulated like a sea of blood; Ronin’s massacre.

He was desperate for another lead, something to dig him out of the hole he found himself in, seeing neither the path forward nor backward, stuck simply in place to wallow in the details… “The devil is in the details.” Ronin had often said over call in his whiny, pitchy tone. Yet, these were the moments Valentin hated him the least. After all, the voice sought to humanise him, even if it was grating on the ears.

Never once had he seen him though. Yet he was aware everyone else had. He had heard many a time about Ronin’s deplorable fashion sense from the likes of both Angel and Misaki, and was well aware of Luca and Felicie’s apprehension of his appearance. Under other circumstances, he’d feel offended that Ronin would have obstructed him from such a view, yet it made perfect sense given their intentions with one another… Valentin had neglected to show his own face as well, so perhaps it was only fair.

Yet he wondered, what could someone like The Butcher even look like? At first, before he’d even joined the server, he’d imagined him much like how he imagines Vince; Tall and gruff, with wide shoulders and thin eyes that pierce harshly into one's chest, reading the sins of their hearts and beating out their last breath with intimidation. Yet, once he got to interact with Ronin, that idealisation was swiftly discarded.

Now, well- he's not sure how he imagines him. He evidently has an affinity for grunge-like aesthetics, and according to Luca sports some especially “unflattering jeans” (though Luca’s taste is not to be trusted), yet his relationship with Angel would suggest he is reasonably attractive… Unless Angel was desperate, which wouldn’t be completely surprising. He exuded enough confidence to suggest that he was, though, which really got V’s mind racing…

If he could just get a glimpse of his killer, that’d make his hunt so much simpler! Yes. That was it.

He flicked back over to his chat with Ronin, the petulant nickname “baby” flashing in the gaudish pink of the chat client, grinding his gears and making him flush. It was stupid, he really shouldn’t get flustered by things like this, from people like this.

He scoffed, sighing to himself as he read over Ronin’s messages. If only these were different circumstances.

@goreboy: Eh. thats what you always say

@goreboy: And where has that gotten you?

@goreboy: 2 years in the biz and you still havent found me

He clenched one hand into a fist, clicking off the terminal with the other to get back to his sleuthing. Ronin was always such an asshole. He made him crazy! Made his heart race and his skin flush. Made him scroll through reams of documents detailing down to the finest points all the horrific acts he had committed. If it weren’t for the screen in between them, well, Valentin was certain that he’d know Ronin better than anyone!

The annoying flicker of the chat terminal’s notifications sounded. Once, then twice, then once more- V sighed, rubbing a tired hand upon his temple. It was really too late to be dealing with him, but justice never sleeps, so neither does he.

@goreboy: you just gonna ignore me are ya?

@goreboy: nah. you’re probably busy “hunting me down” arent ya?

@goreboy: Understandin my serial killer psyche and what not

@goreboy: so Fuckin Obsessed with me

@goreboy: you almost make me blush

He couldn’t stifle his audible groan. Ronin was being needier than usual.

@K9: Go seek your attention somewhere else. You have an entire server of pricks to bother.

@goreboy: eh. theyre not as fun to play with as you

He had to cover his eyes at that. Whether it be to shield him from such a snide remark, or to hide the heat that sizzled quietly under his skin, he wasn’t sure. This feeling, it had to be irritation- hatred. Sizzling, bubbling, hot. That’s how you’d describe it, no?

Ronin wasn’t being unjust, though. At least, not right now, so why was he making him feel this way? And why, pray tell, were the corners of his mouth fighting against his better judgement, upturning awkwardly into what some may call a smile. A smirk? A simulacra of emotion.

Perhaps it was because this implied a sense of favouritism. Yes, it was definitely that. To be sought after like how he pursued Ronin; with a fervent hunger that had yet to be quenched. It was flattering, sure, but nothing more!

@K9: I’m glad you find such pleasure in tormenting me.

@goreboy: aw is that so?

@K9: No.

He didn’t treat this like a game one would “play.” So of course it didn’t make him fucking glad. How stupid could Ronin be?

He squashed that thought pretty quickly, though, as evidently he was smart enough to outsmart him time and time again.

@goreboy: you wound me. are you Really sure youre not a serial killer?

He had to chuckle a little at that. Clever word play from his clever killer. He typed with a newfound ease;

@K9: With the amount of times you impose that disreputable moniker upon me, one might assume you’re simply asking for my attention. You’re well aware of the reaction it provokes from me…

@K9: You aren’t getting desperate, are you @goreboy?

A little part of him pleaded for it to be true, so that he wouldn’t be alone in this little pit of his. If the desperation went both ways, well then he could at least meet his killer in the middle of it all. Any lead. Any semblance of a lead that could direct him to a sense of understanding. Why did Ronin act like this? Why was he so cruel yet addictive? Why could he uproot his life and lead him down a path of ridiculous mystery and chaos to this very moment of time, calculated to immense precision? A mind much like his own in divisiveness yet so different in morality. Yin and Yang.

@goreboy: yk you dont have To @ me in dms right?

@K9: Dodging the question. That is so like you.

@goreboy: like you’d know

@K9: I would.

@goreboy: fucking bet

He had little time to ruminate upon Ronin’s remarks before a bright flashing window popped up, arrogantly beckoning for his attention. He squinted his tired eyes, reading the pink text with a groan.

[goreboy would like to voice call you.]

Alright. Groan retracted. His interest is piqued, and his anticipation is giddy. He eagerly clicks accept.

“For a moment I thought you wouldn’t pick up. But then I remembered you’re obsessed with me.” His snide tone filtered through the earbuds he had scrambled to get ahold of when the notification popped up. He had heard it a million times before yet it still made his skin prickle. With disgust, of course.

“Ugh, obsessed with putting your heinous deeds to rest. Nothing more.” He sighed out, though he didn’t feel the usual pang of immense disgust that came with reprimanding the younger man.

“Sure. You wanna tell me how that’s goin’?” He could hear the smugness dripping in his slick tone. Valentin squinted, as if the gesture might allow him to peek through the bright pixels of his screen, and out into the room of the man on the other line, hoping to catch a glimpse of him.

“It’s going swimmingly. You really should start running if you know what’s good for you.”

“Ah, but you know I don’t. Don’t you? Since you know me so well.” He mocks with a thin laugh; one that’s long and drawn out. Very characteristic of him.

“I know more than you think.”

“Oh yeah? What’s my full legal name then? Address? Place of work? C’mon you must know that!” It’s as if every question beckons forth a brewing intensity within him, threatening to tip over the precipice of his being and really spill what he’s thinking. What he wants to know. Ah, but he relents, pushes it down where it can ruminate safely in his gut to be dealt with later.

“I know your name is Ronin, and up until recently, you maintained a steady residence in the town of Angelwood. I know you’re currently employed as a mechanic, you have a former relationship with the model and influencer Maria De La Rosa-”

V can almost hear him stiffen at that. It was info he had not yet shared with him. The thought of him, just beyond that screen, possibly caught off guard, left his face running hot and his face contorting into glee. He loved this-

“As of now, I do not have a full name, as there was no one by your name living in the town of Angelwood. So it seems you are either going by a false name, or have changed it.”

“I’ll be your saint for once and clear that up for you. I changed it.” Ronin added quite quickly, his tone short and stern. It was a new sound for him.

“Care to clear up the rest of it? Since you’ve decided to be so forthcoming, you might as well just tell me your full name and address right now.”

He could hear himself, his voice bouncing off the screen in front of him, echoing back his teasing tone that so obviously dripped with some macabre sense of satisfaction. He was playing the game now- for the game was fun. Especially when you had some semblance of a high ground.

“You wish! If I forked over everything that easily, what would be the fun in it?”

“Killing you, perhaps?” He felt himself smirk as Ronin laughed.

“So the vigilante with the moral high ground gets off on killing me? Doesn’t sound very saint-like.”

“Of course you wouldn’t see it as such- Just this once I afford myself a pleasurable kill and of course you ridicule me. Don’t you understand that the pleasure is justice?”

“Yeah pleasure me with your justice yadda yadda- at least take me out to dinner before you start talkin’ dirty, V.”

Oh he just wants to recede into his own skin and die. But in a good way? This doesn’t feel bad. No, it feels awful, yet exhilarating. It’s humiliating, yet exciting. It’s both terror and ecstasy, really, bickering with him.

…

“Shit.”

“What was that?”

He didn’t mean to say it out loud, but the realisation was so profound that it simply bore a vocal understanding of it.

Did he like this?

Did he like- Ronin?

“Nothing. I’m tired of your poor attempts to tease me is all.”

This was really bad. In love with a serial killer? The very serial killer he’d spent the better portion of 2 years hunting down? Yeah, that serial killer, his very own Butcher now skewering his heart with a knife so sharp he could barely feel it. It almost felt merciful if not for the blood it drew.

“You’re real feisty tonight! What’s got you so worked up, hm?” And he was none the wiser too! Well, maybe not. Ronin was so far up his own ass that he’d probably assumed that most of the people in the server had some underlying, undying affection for him.

It was not undying- but it was shaping up to be affection. Affection for Ronin- from V. It sounded as ridiculous as it was.

“You know exactly what has got me riled up.” He responded, trying his best to keep his tone flat and angered. “We seem to always be playing this game, back and forth, I don’t understand how you don’t tire of it.”

“I could say the same for you.” The smirk in his tone was evident. “As I said, you’re obsessed with me!”

“Then that would imply that you, too, are obsessed with me.” He quickly objected, though the idea felt hollow on his lips, slipping on its fickle feet.

“Sure, I won’t deny it.”

What.

See, that was what kept him going all these years. The surprise. Every time he figured he was bored of him, only slogging on with this case for the sake of justice, the man would just pop out and surprise him like this!

He couldn’t possibly reciprocate these feelings- No, he’s just using clever wording to mess with his head.

“You mean to say you’re obsessed with me?” His voice treaded carefully, a little tense towards his response.

“Fucking ennamoured even. You’re my little enigma.” His tone didn’t exactly make it sound like a compliment, yet it felt like one, sending his heart fluttering with a disgusting shimmer that made him internally slap himself for ever thinking of Ronin in such a way. Even if that way was, well, reciprocated.

“Enigma? That’s ironic coming from you.”

“Sure, but at least I can admit it. You’re a mystery to me, and so is your backwards logic. It’s clear you don’t have me figured out but- well I can’t say I’ve fared much better!”

This affords Ronin a precious laugh, for V rarely laughs for anyone but his own company. It’s unbecoming of a vigilante, of course, yet here Ronin has him unravelling.

“Despite this, I am certain you have more information on me than most who have attempted to track me down.”

“Aw, look at you complimenting me.”

“Comment rescinded.” He interjects as Ronin laughs breathily. V really wishes he could see him. See how he wore that expression. Would it knock any sense of affection out of him? Or would it make it even worse?

“Aw, don't be like that. You’re cute when you play nice.” He heightens his pitch in mockery, causing Valentin to groan, leaning back in his chair and letting his body, weighed down by the constant bombardment of warring emotions, sink into the cushioning.

“Shut up.”

“You love me.”

“Sure, if it makes you feel any better.” He sighs, feeling himself come down from the high of the conversation slowly, as if drifting amongst a steadying current, like a feather floating in the air.

“The feeling’s mutual.” He says with a laugh that’s so drawn out, almost like a cackle, that it makes it exceedingly hard to tell whether he means it or not. Either way, it still leaves Valentin’s heart palpitating, his hands clenching in on themselves to steady the rocking boat that is his emotions. “And one more thing before I go.”

“Oh, what is it now?” He huffed out in faux annoyance, putting on an extra sense of irritation to mask the part of him that childishly squealed at the prospect of being loved back.

“You want my full name?”

“More than anything.” Once he had that, it narrowed his broad horizon of people down to hopefully the bare minimum, affording him the capability to truly put a stop to this guy. That is, if he really still wanted to do that-

“The devil is in the details!”

And then the mother fucker hangs up.

And V is left to sit, ruminating with both rage and affection over the man he has dedicated so much of his time to. Was he really in love? This had to be love. For he knew nothing else but justice. And the justice of hunting Ronin down would surely be the sweetest. Surely deserving of the title of “Love”.

The stark screen of the chat window stared back at him, and it’s only when he reread the messages that, like a flickering lightbulb suddenly returning to its full shine, he understood what Ronin meant.

With butterflies in his stomach, he pulled up a search client: RONIN BEAUFORT.

He hit enter with a smile, ready to meet his killer.

#killer chat #killer chat fanfic #visual novel #dating sim #ronin #ronin beaufort #V #valentin #killer chat ronin #killer chat v #killer chat goreboy #killer chat K9 #fanfic #fanfiction #valentin valjean #killer chat ronin beaufort #killer chat valentin valjean #alemonyoyo fanfiction

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gloriousmonsters · 2 years ago

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it's fascinating to see people running the exact same scripts as trensmeds/exclusionists but for mental illness.

I just crossed paths with a post that was a screenshot of a tiktok where someone was clearly frustrated because 'I thought I might have autism but when I tried to bring it up with my therapist she said she literally wouldn't discuss it with me because 'everyone thinks they have it because of tiktok', and the original poster/about 90% of the notes were... celebrating this. Either variations on 'lol based psych' and 'she was right' or people explicitly saying shit like:

'Well, I was trans diagnosed with autism/adhd before it was cool and trendy! I can't believe that the diagnostic criteria is getting made stricter, it's the fault of those transtrenders tiktok kids who pretend to have mental illnesses. I get to gatekeep because I really suffered!'

(Shoutout to the confusing outlier who sagely was like 'and usually they just have bpd' in the tags. just???? just, my fair sir? also source???)

And like. It makes sense and is also so incredibly frustrating for the same reasons as transmed/exclus stuff. When you're a hurt person stuck interacting with a system that makes a lot of decisions about your personal autonomy/function, it messes with your head. It taps into that particular reaction to trauma that there was that one great post about--the mindset you get in when you see people get help when you didn't, and get furious and often default to 'it shouldn't be so easy' or 'why should they get help when I didn't?' And if you're struggling with a system that is, lbr, way more about luck in what specific people you got to talk to than any kind of well-built system, which is historically very flawed and still very flawed... well, a lot of people don't want to admit the system is a crapshoot and the people in it can be wrong so, so often, because then what about my diagnosis? my confirmation that I am what I am? fuck kids with stargenders and self-dxed teenagers with autism, I suffered for this, you can't take it away from me.

Which they aren't. If diagonistic criteria for anything is being made stricter, that's not on tiktok teens, it's on the people who write the criteria and decided that this was how they were going to handle an uptick in people thinking they are/might be autistic. If people are passing anti-trans legislation, that's because they're transphobes, not because of demigirls and non-op trans people. And are all of these kids queer, or mentally ill/ND, in the way they think they are? Probably not. Being a teenager is fucking confusing and often traumatic, and it's also a time when most of them are investigating and trying to build their identities. But I'm willing to bet that almost all are genuinely struggling with something/deviate from 'the norm'; if you want to stop kids from 'believing they're something wrongly' maybe focus your energy on putting the message out that it's ok to be wrong about things, that self-discovery is a process-- in this specifically, how to interact with mental health diagnoses and manage your symptoms, no matter where they stem from, in helpful ways, etc etc.

But please do the bare minimum and don't let personal pain turn you into a bitter, smug asshole who celebrates when they see kids experiencing gatekeeping that could really, really fuck them over, OK? Like physical disability and queer identity, the few 'fakers' you'll 'catch' by being cruel and suspicious will in no way be worth the people dead because only people who REALLY need help should be able to get it.

#long post #sorry lol I just #I can get the emotional/mental place this attitude comes from but as always i feel like i'm the padme meme #'and then we realize those feelings are unreasonable and don't act on them right?'#'....'#'and then we realize those feelings are unreasonable.... and don't act on them #right???'#also just *pulls out another smaller soapbox for a moment*#'kids these days think all their problems and quirks are due to mental illness!'#kids Back In The Day died. or struggled all their lives. because the understanding of mental illness was even more fucked than it is now #do NOT be a fucking 'EVERYONE THINKS THEY HAVE DEPRESSION YOU'RE JUST A WEAK BABY' conservative guys #'oooooh everyone thinks they have adhd and autism'#everyone started 'thinking' they were trans or queer or whatever after learning that it was a possibility #and learning how to recognize whether that was the case with themselves.... fucking crazy right?#I LITERALLY SAW SOMEONE SAYING #'oh they're seeing how symptoms of autism are socially contagious due to tiktok'#do not make this another ROGD! do not make this another ROGD!#mental illness #pro self diagnosis #AND FINALLY. 'lol based psych' PSYCHIATRISTS ARE EXACTLY AS RELIABLE AS ANY OTHER KIND OF DOCTOR.#SLIGHTLY.#THEY CAN BE AND ARE WRONG A LOT #i say this as someone who's benefited a lot from therapy (although i've had to educate my psych on some things)#and who is on medication. doctors and psychs can be lifesaving but they can also #really truly fuck you over because they are human and sometimes idiots or jerks and we should not be trusting them solely #with our mental and physical well-being #ok ok my arms are hurting i shouldn't have typed this much

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ultraericthered · 11 months ago

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Hmm? Oh yeah, this one blogger gave a big response to both me and some other user who was saying stuff in the notes of her post. Seeing as she was decent and sensible enough to recognize that if we want to live and let live with our differing opinions, she probably should've at least done so behind a different tag and thus away from fans of the thing she was railing against, I in turn will put my rebuttal in this separate post on this blog and I will try to tag it appropriately.

That said, WOW. There is quite a lot of whinging to unpack here.

But, thanks for not bothering to actually listen to my argument, so let me go through your own:

"Not bothering?" It was not due to a lack of trying on my part that I failed to actually listen to this person's argument, I was legitimately confused and trying to make sense of what she was even saying.

No. I’m not saying Disney adults shouldn’t enjoy crap that was clearly made for them. Believe me, I knew some of that was already the case with Wish and I was excited for it being made for us…and I was disappointed by it. I wanted to like Mirrorverse but it just kept feeling wrong to me and the og post is the wording of what and how it was wrong to me.

Pulling out the term "Disney adults", even if applying it to herself as well, is an automatic alarm for me. It's a term that's very cynical and partonizing in origin, conceptualizing the idea that all things "Disney" are things that a person is expected to outgrow once they've reached adulthood, as though Disney produces things only for children. And sure, they make things that are purely for little kids or at most geared more towards them than to an older crowd. But primarily, on the whole, Disney content and the quality they most strive for are what we call "family friendly" rather than "kids stuff", and to assume that such content is kiddy fare that's meant to be outgrown by adults is completely against the spirit and the words of Walt Disney himself.

"I do not make films primarily for children. I make them for the child in all of us, whether we be six or sixty." - Walt Disney

"We believed in our idea - a family park where parents and children could have fun - together." - Walt Disney

"Too many people grow up. That's the real trouble with the world, too many people grow up. They forget. They don't remember what it's like to be 12 years old. They patronize, they treat children as inferiors. Well, I won't do that." - Walt Disney

Yeah, you should get the picture by now.

I’m saying I find your uncritical devotion to the company, not the writer behind the projects, the company, is sad. It’s self-destructive.

Oh sure, I am uncriticially devoted to this mega corporation. So uncritical in my devotion am I that I've tagged posts or reblogs that address erorrs, poor quality content, and even harmful practices of the company as "Anti Disney" and have even likened the corporate side of Disney to their newest movie's villain many times at this point.

I really hate this kind of attitude towards fandom+online criticism as a whole. This 100% unironic “if you’re negative = HATE” attitude...that I can at least get because even the most pissy of us don’t wanna be surrounded by rage all the time. But, your complete lack or willing to consume any media critically? That’s annoying.

Reminder of how OP began their "critical" post: "I hate Disney's Mirrorverse so much." Please forgive me for where, how, and why I might've possibly gotten that "negativity = HATE" idea from here.

That literally was NOT what I was saying at all hon. Official merch is fine and a lot is great. Like, a lot. I don’t consider official merch itself a threat to fanstuff; what I consider a threat is the higher up of Disney wanting to snuff out fantasy-fan made merch.

Where was it confirmed that the higher up of Disney were specifically aiming to snuff out fan-made content with the very creation and release of Mirrorverse? I must've missed that press conference!

ALL I see with that game is creativity of individual people wasted on a corporate IPlords who wants to crush smaller artists inspired by them, and even their own workers. Disney does not care about you. Disney doesn’t even care for it’s own people. Disney wants to own fanworks so that they can profit off you even more than they already do. And, to me, that’s just kind of horrifying.

In other words, King Magnifico. Yeah, I already got that.

Are you saying you don’t have an imagination? Because A: no. You do have one. Obviously. Liking what some people may think is “cringe” =/= no imagination and I SINCERELY hope you didn’t take that away from my post.

Yes, obviously I have an imagination. I am unsure what it was that made this person think I was suggesting I didn't.

And then she starts getting more hyperbolic and a bit conspiratorial.

We are in a late stage capitalism apocalypse. My argument isn’t that Disney DARE'ENT be what it is but that you should use your brains when it’s pandering to you and not just like it because 'poepl worked on it whichm means it’s good.

"Poepl"? "which?" Slurred words sure do look weird in text form.

You are not mandated to like something and your attitude, to me, frankly feels like that’s why you do like Mirrorverse. Disney is telling you to like it and you’re blinded by this delusion that the company itself is on your side simply because it has Disney fans as it’s own writers and artists working on it. I want to be proven wrong on that and believe you’re like my friends who also like mirrorverse and the modern crossover disney stuff - people who like the ideas within because yeah, that can be fun, and whom I just disagree with, but given your attitude. I don’t see it.

.....Huh??? For as inappropriately big and powerful a company as Disney is today, I do not think they have the authority to literally mandate that people must like their products and that they then must consume them because they like them. Disney has put plenty of stuff out on the free market that they no doubt wanted people to like (because otherwise why even make anything at all? People liking thing made by company = people spending money on that thing and company profiting), but I've not cared for or not even touched, no matter how many sincere, well-meaning people might've worked hard on making the stuff. Mirrorverse caught my attention way back when it was first announced and still undergoing development, and when I ended up liking it, it wasn't because "Disney was telling me to like it" or that I was blinded by any delusion of the company being good or "on my side" - I like it because I JUST DO. It appeals to me and my tastes, sensibilities, and ideas of what's good, clean, creative fun, not to mention being another Disney epic crossover property to fill the void left behind by the now garbage tier Kingdom Hearts series. And even then I'm far from uncritical in my liking for it: it existing as just a mobile app game puts some limitations on it, and the combat part of the game looks like ass and doesn't play quite as well as it could've, especially compared to the polish of other app games like Disney Heroes: Battle Mode and Disney; Sorcerer's Arena. (Now, my attitude may well have gone too far beyond disagreeable and came off as too hostile, confrontational, and uncivil in my dissent against your take, so for that I apologize. I'm sorry, that really was my bad. But given all this rambling, your attitude is now worrying me.)

Fan merch is not perfect or even all that good, but it comes from a point of passion. My point was never that fan made = good. My point was I think Disney the company wants control of even that and, when they are hiring the artists who have genuine ideas about crossovers, are exploiting them. It’s *cute* of you to call me entitled when you sound like one of the most entitled people ever through your message.

I fail to see how I come off as "entitled", as though I was saying that Disney the company has every right to control imaginative fan ideas and to hire and exploit artists with similar ideas just for profit. I was not; I was saying that I'm not in agreement with this paranoid belief that this is what prompted the existence of Mirrorverse to start with. Most of the driving ideas behind why the game came to be seems to have come from the creatives who work for both Disney and Kabam, with Disney merely signing off on it becoming an officially lisenced thing because the company is so ceaselessly hungering for profits that they can never have enough app games or console games that bring their beloved IPs together in a single fantastical new canon.

You are assigning shit to me that I did not say/mean.

For that, I apologize. Please stop doing the exact same thing to me. Two wrongs do not make a right.

I’m upset on the part of the writers and artists at Disney (btw can you please maybe list some of them out? The mirrorverse artists could probably really use the revenue you’re so quick to only attribute to Disney as if Disney itself is the writer of these works.)

But you can find them all right here.

I believe Wish was made/written with love. Every Disney project is made with love and creativity and I think it’s horrible to imply that Wish was AI-generated because it’s writing came up as lackluster, if that’s what you’re trying imply of me.

Dunno why Wish is suddenly getting brought into this. Was it my current icon being King Magnifico that put it into focus?

My issue with Wish, with Mirrorverse, and with a lot of modern Disney projects is at this point the same I am having with Illumination entertainment; and that’s not ever that “capitalist = bad”/“idea I don’t like = bad writer”. For as annoyed I still am at Princess and the Frog, you really go that feeling the the writers were trying and the project as a whole wasn’t geared by executives telling the directors “no. You have to do x, x, x, and x because then it won’t sell.” Mirrorverse had a soul. Wish had soul. Bob Chapek stole both these properties’ souls and you’re using hardworking artists’ work as an excuse to continue promoting the craphole who’s overworking them.

Bob Chapek is long gone from Disney at this point: Bog Iger is still dealing with the aftereffects of the damage Chapek did while making his own mistakes and dealing out his own share of damage to the overworked artists, writers, directors, imagineers, and all creative staff members who give their hearts and souls to Disney productions. I'm not using the artists' work as an excuse to promote or grant any lenience to corporate Disney. It's actually the very opposite: I don't want them and all the effort they put into realizing these properties to go overlooked and unappreciated due to some instinctful (and oftentimes reasonably justified) dislike and dissatisfaction directed at the company whose brand name the properties get released under. That's something akin to "collective punishment", and it reaches toxic levels when it is also applied towards the punishment and shaming of regular people; of fans who engage with the products and express any sort of enjoyment and appreciation for them. Like them doing so is an objectively morally wrong thing to do and is playing into the big bad company's hands.

My issue is that the fans (artists, creators and writers of these works) care. Disney does not. Disney cares about exploiting you even in the smallest ways and even on small matters like bad bootleg merch that’s in no way a threat to them. Because it isn’t.

This is an issue I have with Disney as well. I've said so ad nauseum.

My issue with the two of you is that you hate criticism and see my post as some kind of threat to your special interest. No. It’s not. I never even tagged mirrorverse. This is a rant meant for me and for other likeminded people like me. Speaking as a woman who’s defended and still will defend Frozen all these years - YOU are coming off as the most entitled, zealous people. You are creative. And you love Disney and obviously like Mirrorverse and Wish where I don’t; unlike the artists behind these products, you don’t have room to complain about being disgarded or treated like AI cuz I don’t like your writing or Disney’s handling of your writing- you’re just a butthurt fan.

More hyperbole. There was no "threat" detected in her post. There was only an opinion I read as a bad faith poor take and I responded to it with a rebuttal like this social media platform allows us all to do. By getting so up in arms and defensive about the rebuttal that rather than try to clear the air with a post that only clarifies what she was meaning to convey in the OP and that if I still don't find it agreeable we can hopefully agree to disagree, she goes on a whole whopping tangent? This strikes me as "butthurt fan" behavior. I'm sorry, it does.

Presuming the both of you ever read any of this, I don’t like the insinuation that my own bitching and moaning it hurting the hardworking writers and artists personally just because the fans of these overall products love them and I don’t. I really don’t like my personal criticisms being hurled at or treated like an attack on the people who are real artists. I know that’s not what I’m doing. You could have just blocked my blog or chosen to just not read the post the moment this post opened with “I hate mirrorverse”. You didn’t. You engaged and now I’m engaging to tell you that I disagree.

Yes, let us dispell that insinuation. You are hurting no one by bitching and moaning in a post put out on a public social media venue on the internet, not the writers and artists, not the company. I'd not meant to insinuate as much, and anyone who would make that insinuation would be a fool to do so. Thank you for acknowleding that you led with "I hate Mirrorverse", which made the negativitiy and criticism easier to mistake for hatefulness. I make it a rule to typically not block blogs as my first response to seeing something I disagree with, which is sadly more than I can say of other users who've disagreed with me in the past. I decided to engage you, then you engaged back, and now this is me engaging back in my own space to save your's the trouble of being too cluttered up with this dispute. If you happen to come across this and read it through, I hope you can try to take time for contemplation and understanding of where I'm coming from here, and I'd so the same in turn for you should you give a civil response. But given how I'm tagging this, chances lean unlikely.

#Disney #Mirrorverse #disney mirrorverse #haters #opinion #criticism #defense #hatedumb #misaimed fandom #completely missing the point

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just-gay-thoughts · 1 year ago

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Im very new to this site

How do I navigate it's kinda confusing and my ADHD keeps seeing colors and I can't figure out how to use things

Help pls 🙏

First of all, hi, welcome to the party!

Okay you figured out asks so yay! If you haven't noticed, theres also a little toggle for anonymous asks if you ever wish to send those, if I remember correctly though you can't send pics and vids on anonymous.

Basic getting started advice: use the search to find tags that you're interested in, it can be Fandom or hobby interests or anything really. You can choose to follow that tag (the option should be in the search bar after you've searched it, if that makes sense) and random posts from the tag will show up on your feed from time to time. You can also go through and follow people who post a lot in that tag that you enjoy the content of. Basic rule of advice for following people is to do it as freely as you wish, but don't feel bad about unfollowing for any reason.

And this explanation is going to be scatterbrained as I mention things as I think of them so I do apologize for that lol

Make sure you go into your settings and set your dashboard preferences to not include 'in your orbit' (or do, but most have their dash in chronological order rather than the more algorithmic version), this way you see stuff just from people and tags you follow.

Great ways to find people to follow are by searching like mentioned before, but also if you notice someone you follow reblogging someone's posts a lot and you enjoy those posts, that can be a great way to find more people.

You yourself can post as often as you want but there's a couple things to be familiar with that would show up on your blog.

The first is likes, which can be turned off (if I remember correctly the option might be when you go to edit your profile)

The second is reblogs, this is how posts get spread around. I like to think of it like likes are you telling the op they did a good job, and a reblog is you running to show your friends what you just found. It is greatly encouraged to reblog things like art and gifsets if you liked them because of the lack of algorithm on this site.

The last is your own posts, there should be a round plus button on mobile (it's been a bit since I've been on desktop but I think it's at the top?) That will take you to the text editor. I didn't llan ahead so this is the only one I have pictures for :)

Things to note: very bottom has the ability to add links, gifs, photos, audio, polls, and the Aa let's you edit the way text appears. Just above that you can add tags, many use tags for organization (I tend to use #gay thoughts for many of my own posts, eith #gay asks being added when I'm answering an ask), but there's also a huge culture around talking in the tags. Many add thoughts about the post in the tags, as anything said in a reblog will always stay with that version of a post, but tags are only visible when viewed from the actual reblog theyre on.

The 3 dots in the corner give you some additional options for your post

You can post it now or later, change who can reblog it, who can blaze it(pay money for it to appear on a number of random peopl's dashes), all that jazz!

Sorry if anything was hard to understand, please let me know if you have any other questions!

#gay thoughts #gay asks #very mentally tired so apologies for anything thats confusing

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wifegideonnav · 2 years ago

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I posted 2,574 times in 2022

That's 2,574 more posts than 2021!

282 posts created (11%)

2,292 posts reblogged (89%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@emcapi

@mayasaura

@gideonisms

@saltwaterconfessions

@theriverbeyond

I tagged 2,463 of my posts in 2022

Only 4% of my posts had no tags

#art - 799 posts

#memes - 487 posts

#ntn - 393 posts

#harrow - 324 posts

#griddlehark - 317 posts

#gideon - 291 posts

#vibes - 229 posts

#op - 219 posts

#htn - 162 posts

#meta - 162 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#i’d say something like ‘sorry guys i’ll try to be more active in the future!!1’ but que será será im not actually in control of when or how

My Top Posts in 2022:

there’s a post going around like “catholicism is only good for sexy vampire aesthetics” WRONG its primary purpose has always been to instigate a series of events that culminated in tamsyn muir writing gideon the ninth

2,073 notes - Posted November 8, 2022

god I’m just never gonna fucking recover from “harrowhark, I gave you my whole life and you didn’t even want it.” the use of her full name. the agony. the shakespeare-level comedy of errors with the angst turned up to 11 and the comedy turned down to 0. the fucking. tragedy of it all. I’m unwell no fucking talk me rn

2,243 notes - Posted October 3, 2022

every time I think about harrows connection to gideon being so strong that gideons name is the last thing she says before dying despite having literally erased her capacity to comprehend it, I have to go lie down. like tamsyn really said love is so strong that it remains even if you carve out the part of your brain that feels it.

2,301 notes - Posted September 9, 2022

the importance of pov and kiriona gaia as gideon nav’s imperialist aspect

others have already made some really smart posts about how kiriona is gideon when she’s lost everything and everyone that made her who she was, and how even in the first two books, gideon was this terrifically sad creature who was disguised by the fact that she was her own narrator.

but I want to expand on that last bit, because yes. kiriona is a gideon who has lost everything, who has had to make tough decisions to survive, who has had to adapt to being primarily around her father (a manipulative asshole) and ianthe (ianthe). but this is also the first time we’re getting to see gideon from a perspective other than her own.

we’ve always known that gideon is a beautifully unreliable narrator - see her complete understatement of the fight before harrow opened the tomb, where she neglects to tell us that she almost killed harrow with her bare hands - but I think that for a lot of us, the introduction of kiriona was when we first felt that.

now, nona is not an objective narrator either (lmao). and she does actively dislike gideon (which is fascinating, and which I could go on about for several posts). but she does offer an outside perspective on gideon that we have, up to this point, been lacking.

because… yeah. sometimes, like anyone, gideon’s kind of mean. we know she’s a good person - her goodness is in many ways one of the central drivers of the plot - but that doesn’t mean she’s nice all of the time. it’s just that when she’s being mean to crux, or ianthe, or even harrow we can say, well that person deserved that. but the truth is, gideon has lived through the kind of hell that very few people could survive with any kind of goodness and softness left intact. she didn’t live through it, in fact. she’s just kind of… existed through it.

I saw another post point this out, and I want to reiterate: gideon’s goal, her whole life, has been to join the cohort. when we first meet her, we’re like, ok, makes sense, that’s the only ‘out’ available to her. and we kind of forget, even as we learn more about the empire, that what gideon wants to join is this actively and horrifically violent imperialist force. when we get to nona, and we meet hot sauce and her gang and joli and the angel and even the edenites, we expect gideon to have kept up with us somehow, to reject the empire. we want her to be one of the “good guys” (goodness in the tlt universe is another longass post I want to write…).

but gideon doesn’t reject the empire. because, crucially, she IS the empire - she is its heir, never mind the fact that that doesn’t really mean anything when the current emperor is immortal.

what I am trying to say is this: kiriona is gideon when you take everything from her, and then replace it with her father and everything he represents, and then take a step back.

that step back is crucial. it is what allows us to remember how imperialism - and by extension, or by metaphor, cruelty - works. gideon becomes cruel because she is in proximity to cruel people, AND because she is not in proximity to us.

THAT is what Muir is saying with kiriona. even the most kind, good, earnest protagonist can become a tool of evil in the right circumstances: and those circumstances include perspective. gideon, like it or not, is currently actively choosing to be a tool of empire. and if we were in her head, we might be able to - or we might be tricked into - accept her justifications for why she’s doing it.

the perspective shift is what allows us to see gideon as she - currently - truly is. it is no accident that this is when we get the outside pov. Muir allows us nowhere to hide; we have to confront what gideon has become and by extension what she always has been.

gideon nav is a good person, and I fully believe that in alecto we will watch her reject her father; I fully believe she will get to be a hero. but in order for that to happen, she - and we - must first undergo radical change and growth in terms of her worldview and attitudes. kiriona is not gideon’s final form. but in the same way that john is described by harrow as having aspects, kiriona is the aspect or facet of gideon that embraces cruelty, that perpetuates empire.

Muir tells us: even the most beautiful-hearted, trod-on girl in the world can become a tool of empire. but I have no doubt that in alecto she will tell us: this is how that girl can destroy it.

2,922 notes - Posted September 23, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

happy pride to girls who didn’t know that women could be nice to you, inscrutable polycules, straight people in forbidden marriages, body snatchers who kiss their own reflections, poets obsessed with long-dead warriors, predatory cougars, lesbians who are in fact the problem, and girls who are in love with a corpse

7,115 notes - Posted June 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#idc if ppl find these annoying I think they’re fun

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narcoticwriter · 2 years ago

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I posted 3,611 times in 2022

That's 3,234 more posts than 2021!

1,318 posts created (36%)

2,293 posts reblogged (64%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@walking-meme

@qu-ilinn

@yokelish

@scalpel-mom-mori

@yarrayora

I tagged 3,578 of my posts in 2022

Only 1% of my posts had no tags

#reblog - 2,196 posts

#narky thinks - 1,082 posts

#genshin impact - 269 posts

#narky speaks - 232 posts

#diluc harem au - 123 posts

#diluc harem anon - 109 posts

#diluc - 101 posts

#'yes i'm talking about that trial' - 86 posts

#scp foundation - 81 posts

#good art op - 80 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#and this also happened to me because 'if an african commits a crime all they gotta say is that they're nigerian and they'll get off easier'

My Top Posts in 2022:

Me: I've seen a lot of things around Yae Miko and Kamisato Ayato lately and I can certainly find the appeal in the dynamic. The trope of two high-ranking instigators of respective means that are opposed to one another has always been enjoyable for me.

Genshin Twitter, for some godforsaken reason: You are a terrible person and I hope everyone you love dies and that you off yourself, you lesbophobe.

Me: . . . what are you on about now, you lunatics?

123 notes - Posted March 26, 2022

My ass, reading over 150k+ words worth of Diluc and Kaeya reconciliation fanfiction in less than two days:

135 notes - Posted February 7, 2022

Tighnari: (goes on the trip of his life because he ingested a mushroom)

Also Tighnari: Interesting. (takes notes)

143 notes - Posted August 22, 2022

Every Geo User Holds the Universal Trait of Having No Practical Application of Common Sense Whatsoever.

Yes, I said it and it's about damn time someone did because this really makes too much sense.

Before you stone (lol 'stone') me to death, take a moment to look at the title. The words 'practical application' and 'common sense' are defined as read.

Practical application refers to the efficient execution of an idea as it pertains to something, typically a problem or issue. Common sense refers to being able to infer that certain things are not to be done just by looking at them instead of acting on the said thing that should not be done.

This also applies to self-awareness and self-preservation as well as the connection of being perceived. So to say that they lack the practical application of common sense in their day-to-day is absolutely fair because if you look carefully at their lives, they do not practice this as much as they should.

Geo Character enjoyers, this one is specially made in mind for you. 😉

Thesis - Hypothesis

So how did I come to this conclusion? Let's start by looking at what I believe to be the universal personality traits and internal character of those who have Geo Visions. If you look at the way that they conduct themselves, you will notice these traits among all of them:

An immovable will and unbending devotion to their goals

Strong and uncompromisable fundamentals

Sees their Visions as more of a tool than an ambition

Every single person who uses Geo exhibits these traits in either how they conduct themselves around others and themselves, what they do for a living, or in their personal philosophies. This does not mean, however, that they are free from any flaws. In fact, that assumption is far from the truth, as all of the traits aforementioned can exasperate and intensify genuine problems and negative traits that they have, such as:

A stubbornness that cannot be budged in any situation

Must do things in a certain way

Do not usually rely on others and take on burdens themselves instead of asking for help when it's perfectly reasonable to do so

And, of course, the whole point of this to begin with:

No common sense whatsoever

I will be going over all of these traits and how each individual has displayed these traits, as well as a little bit of speculating as to how they conduct themselves (while staying as true to the canon as much as possible).

Let's start this off with the most foundational person out of these individuals and how he established the expectations and criteria for receiving a Geo Vision in the first place.

So if you will, Exhibit A.

Zhongli - Vago Mundo

Ah yes, everyone's favorite Geo Daddy. I've likely provoked the ire of his fans in particular with my audacious claim, but now that I have your attention, hear me out. As he is the Geo Archon, he almost certainly established the standards of obtaining a Geo Vision as well as the desirable traits of the users this is granted to. He flawlessly exhibits the three traits I noted up earlier as such:

An immovable will and unbending devotion to their goals -

Zhongli - or rather Morax's entire existence was centered around Liyue and its prosperity for over 3,700 years.

He dutifully protected Liyue from other gods, monsters, and cataclysmic events such as the Archon War and the Cataclysm.

Up until recently, he also served Liyue by annually descending to Liyue Harbor to guide the people to another year of prosperity.

He set up a way to ensure that Liyue would still prosper even if he was gone and he succeeded more or less.

Strong and uncompromisable fundamentals -

He is the God of Contracts.

Anyone who breaks a contract is to be subject to 'the Wrath of the Rock'.

See the full post

192 notes - Posted September 4, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

IF YOU KNOW YOU KNOW

457 notes - Posted August 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #false #lord have mercy #i really did become a genshin poster

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cuchufletapl · 8 months ago

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Personally I just rely on the tags and summary — that's usually enough to see at least if I vibe with the prose and the author knows what punctuation is.

And also. I don't really care about the stats in general, but also to be frank I don't think they're a particularly efficient measure for quality?

If you're going by highest number of kudos, bookmarks or comments, then it will skew in favour of older fics or fics that were posted at a height of fandom activity (simply because more people have read them) and long multichapter fics (because they periodically appear at the top of the feed, so more people come across them and they don't get buried like a one-shot might). A massive amount of readers logically leads to a large amount of kudos — it doesn't mean that the fic is bad, but it does mean its numbers are more due to exposure than quality. (It can be both but. Y'know. Sometimes popularity doesn't mean shit and sometimes it does. It's a bit of a toss-up, really.)

But most people who use stats as a guide figure that out so. Okay. What about what you suggest, OP, a kudos-hits ratio? That makes sense, right? For example, if a hundred people have read a fic and fifty liked it enough that they hit kudos, that seems to be a pretty good indicator that it's gonna be good. It's solid logic, I used to use it as a bit of an indicator of what to expect, too.

Except that's not how hits work.

From Archive of Our Own's Statistics FAQ page (emphasis added by me):

Hits are a counter of how many times a work has been accessed. A hit is registered every time a visitor navigates to a work's page, with the following exceptions:

• If two visits in a row come from the same IP address, only the first one is registered.

• Moving between chapters in a work will only register one hit in total, not one hit per chapter.

• If you're logged in, hits are not counted when you visit your own works.

A kudos-hits ratio is biased towards one-shots and fics with a lower chapter count, because hits ≠ readers.

Hits = visits, even if it's the same user returning to reread or read a new update (as long as it's not twice in a row).

But wait, there's more!

Admittedly, I'm not sure if this is true or just a rumour because I haven't seen anything alluding to this on AO3's info pages or even Fanlore, but looking at my own AO3 history, I think it tracks. Take it with a pinch of salt anyway, but it seems that for every 24 hours that you leave a tab with a fic open, it will also count as a hit.

So for example. There's this ongoing fic that I'm subscribed to — I have been since I first found it when it had nine chapters or so, and every time it updates I rush to go read it. The fic currently sits at 32 chapters.

Wanna take a guess how many times I've visited this particular work, according to my AO3 history?

Image Description: Text from a history entry on Archive of Our Own. It says: "Last visited: 30 Mar 2024 (Latest version.) Visited 99 times."

One single person equals ninety-nine hits in this case. And since I can only leave kudos once, if I were the only person reading it, that would mean this fic would have a 1:99 kudos-hits ratio. Which. Applying the misconception of hits = readers, does not sound great. It's way above the 1:10 ratio OP uses, at least.

I think a few dozen hits there must've been from leaving the tab open, but I know that I've returned to this fic over thirty times — not only for updates, but to reread chapters that I particularly liked. Clearly, this would signal that I think this fic is good (and it is, in my opinion)!

So when you use stats as the deciding factor on whether you read a fic or not, you're going to miss out on some hidden jewels out there. If you use the filters to sort by kudos, you'll probably miss out on one-shots and short fics that have been newly posted or were posted during a lull in fandom activity. If you take note of the kudos-hits ratio, you'll probably miss out on multichapter longfics whose regular readers have accessed it over a hundred times each.

Honestly, I think the best method to find quality fanfic is to check the bookmarks of the authors you like and follow the trail.

Another AO3 thing I’m curious about, how do yall decide if something is good enough to read? Usually I follow a rule of 1 kudos for every 10 hits. One because it’s easy math and two it’s yet to fail me. Thoughts? Do you just go for it and pray it’s good?

#fandom

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lamouratorrrrry · 2 years ago

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Extremely Unbiased Thread About Why Kintoki’s Design is Good, Actually

hello. you may call me Luna, however im sure most people here know me as “the kintoki huge tits artist”. today i’ll be doing something quite a bit different than my usual posts, and thats that im going to be analyzing why exactly i think kintoki’s original design is actually really nice. no i am not biased in any way.

the reason for this is that, being a huge fan of kintoki (and frequently browsing his tag on here), a sentiment that i see a lot is “i really like kintoki, but i hate his design/i like his rider and heian designs more”. which is fair! you are very much allowed to think that. all i want is to possibly give a different perspective on why i think the opposite (and to gush about my favorite character).

so come with me on this design-analysis slash luna-talks-about-how-sexy-kintoki-is journey!

(this thread will for the most part be discussing his 1st ascension. the reason being is that he really doesnt change much design-wise as he ascends aside from the big coat in his 3rd ascension. also, its my favorite of the three! see, totally not biased.)

hi handsome ;)

we’ll start at the top and work our way down. first, i need to address the elephant in the room, aka my biggest fate fandom related pet peeve.

this hairstyle? this is not a bowlcut. this is a bob haircut. and its CUTE OKAY. (op has a bob cut and therefore takes these jokes very personally)

a bob is typically longer, enough so to hide the ears. a bob is also meant to frame your face. the bowl cut is much shorter, shows the ears, and is one length all around.

for reference, the only other character that i can think of who cant beat the bowlcut allegations is tsuna. i see a lot of people saying stuff like “wow, they both work for raikou and they both have bowlcuts!” when their hair looks completely different...

firstly, his bob is cute! come on :( second, this haircut has roots in historical kintarou depictions!

this is a kintarou doll, and is clearly what inspired fate kintoki’s hair! despite the rest of his design being very modern inspired, i quite like that he keeps his “historical” hair. i think its a nice little touch/nod to his younger self.

moving on, lets talk about kintoki’s fashion sense.

breasts...

it took me a bit to pin down what i think kintoki’s fashion sense is exactly, and i think its fair to say he’s very 70s inspired. this is extremely funny to me for reasons i will talk about later. after doing some light research, a big *big* staple of 70s mens fashion ive picked up on is having your shirt unbuttoned like. basically all the way. just absolutely tits out, and i respect that so hard.

(technically his extremely popped collar is more 80s, but i think its fair to say hes designed after some amalgamation of decade-fashion)

all kintoki’s missing is a crazy pattern on his shirt. come on raita i believe in you

something else of note is, of course, his jewelry! kintoki very clearly wears a lot of big, bold jewelry like his necklaces and bracelets. ive said it before and i’ll say it now, i wish to god he had been given earrings. that would take his design from a 10 to an 11 imho

one word i see thrown around a lot about kintoki’s design is that its very tacky, and im 99% sure these comments are referring to his obnoxious amount of jewelry. however, i believe kintoki’s design works so well because its tacky. again i’ll talk about this more later, but i think a lot of kintoki’s charm comes from his dorky, tacky accessory choices.

(im sorry kintoki for just straight up putting your crotch on the dashboard)

speaking of tacky and gaudy, kintoki’s belt buckle. yet again kintoki’s quest to look as cool as possible makes him look absolutely silly, and i adore it. i dont have much else to say here except that i love that he wears not one but two belts. (and yet we still see a peak of his underwear in his 2nd and 3rd ascensions? i love him so much) at this point, we all know that kintoki looks the way he looks because hes trying to be as cool as possible in the modern era. but its not very modern, is it? im not sure if this was intentional or not, but a small detail i really really love about kintoki’s design is how... outdated it is. sure decade fashion comes back and becomes cool every few years, but kintoki looks very outdated. again, i think this all adds to his charm. as much as he tries to look like a 21st century cool guy, he just ends up looking like the bully jock in an 80s film.

i want to take a second and talk about another small detail that i absolutely love about his design, and that’s the use of pink. its kind of small, but its present enough that i feel justified talking about it. kintoki has a pink bracelet on his right wrist, his sunglasses are tinted pink, and my personal favorite, he wears pink underwear! judging by the other characters hes drawn, im sure this might just be because raita happens to like pink, but i love the implications here regardless. definitely a “real men wear pink” sort of thing (toxic masculinity? never heard of ‘im). or, maybe kintoki just likes pink almost as much as he loves gold! he has good taste.

and not just pink but hot pink!

(up till this point, ive been talking about and had only planned to talk about berserker kintoki’s 1st ascension design, but for this small portion, i would like to direct your attention to heian kintoki as well:

PINK!! AND LOTS OF IT. kintoki definitely has at least 2 favorite colors.)

this guy slaps your girls ass wyd

lets look at kintoki’s full body one last time. like i mentioned earlier, at first glance he definitely looks like he shoves dweebs in lockers as well he should. and this, i dare say, is the best part of his overall design. i know that at this point when talking about fictional characters, subverting expectations is not exactly a new thing, but i think kintoki does this so well. just look at him. this man wants you to know he goes to the gym. he wants you to know that he’s over 6 feet tall and has a 6 pack. he wears sunglasses at night and indoors for gods sake!!! he’s also extremely kind and dorky. he loves his mom. he loves children and teddy bears, and he respects women.

kintoki’s design is tacky and silly and outrageous and thats exactly why it works so well. it bums me out when i see people write this design off as being ugly just because they think they see a bowlcut, because i personally think a lot of thought went into this. well done raita! i do see why people might prefer his other designs, because its hard to compete with a cool leather jacket or a half-tits out samurai. that being said, this design is my personal favorite of his! his cheerful personality and lack of objective swag has endeared him to me greatly.

this may have been incoherent, but i hope you’ll walk away from this thinking differently about our friend kintoki <3

if i missed anything or you have anything youd like to add, please feel free!

#sakata kintoki #fate grand order #fgo #character design analysis #i guess? theres less analysis here and more me being a proverbial soyjack about kintoki but #take it as you will

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