#this made me think how music production teacher

[bandzboy]

this made me think about how stray kids always did music that they enjoy and never really gave a damn about what people had to say about it and never changed in terms of that mentality when it comes to making music and it makes me so happy to see a group so proud of their identity! cr.

[togglesbloggle]

In Defense of Bad Things

'Bad' here meaning mostly 'amateur'; stuff made enthusiastically by people at an unprofessional level. Art with visible gaps between what the artist imagined and what they achieved, products of flawed craftsmanship. I suppose everybody can appreciate them to some extent, it's a rare parent that doesn't put up their kid's drawings on the fridge in one way or another. But it turns out to be a fully general skill you can cultivate, and the more I do, the more I'm glad I did.

Partly, it's the teacher thing; finding delight in amateur work is one of the ways to find delight in the process of learning. Cultivating a love of striving-qua-striving can help make you a force for good in the world, as people start to feel safe trying to do things when you're around, even when their efforts are wobbly. You get to participate a little more in the process of atoms spinning themselves into ideas, even when there aren't any illusions about whether you're helping cultivate some revolutionary genius in the field.

And partly it's a fabulous way to build community. By necessity, our professional-level skills tend to be at the service of other people, performed for economic benefit; that's kind of how you get professionally good at something in the first place. When we're acting for our own sake, and among friends, most of what we do with one another is amateurish. I only cook middling-okay, I can't hold a tune that well, I'll never be a speed runner for anything. If you can only enjoy singing from the hundred best singers in the whole world, manufactured and polished by major studios, then you and your friends will sit shoulder-to-shoulder and passively listen to music. But it's so much richer an experience to sit face-to-face, actually singing together, even badly; you expose yourself to so many new ways to appreciate and respect one another, building relationships on what you've accomplished and not just by witty criticism or liking the same things.

And partly it's because some of the most powerful and innovative artistic experiences are in high-churn environments with low expectations and low barriers to entry, if only because those catch the passionate and driven young people that have been otherwise overlooked by our systems. The golden age of webcomics meant that a ton of the actual art involved was pretty lousy, but it also produced work that people still talk about today. D&D began as a profoundly unpolished collection of handmade rulebooks sold at cons in a plastic baggie. By the time these products of enthusiastic amateurs filter themselves through various levels of popularity and absorb mainstream cash influx, they're often risk-averse and missing a lot of the bold spark that inspired their fans in the first place; others will simply never drift towards the mainstream at all. I'm not saying you should be the person who goes out to dig through the slush piles of the internet looking for overlooked art, unless you want to be-- but sometimes a work of actual staggering genius also happens to be a Supernatural fanfic by a first-time author who's a little hazy on commas, and if that's a dealbreaker, you're going to miss out on some profoundly valuable experiences.

And hiding behind all of these things is, like...

Our appreciation of beauty has an odd structure, right? When things are done very skillfully, by brilliant artists with years of training, we can usually appreciate those accomplishments. And when we're looking at nature without human influence, and especially when we think very deeply about natural processes and understand them in context, we often rediscover that sense of beauty. There's just this bizarre hole in the middle where we declare things 'ugly'; as if a little skill is worse than none at all.

I really don't trust that gap. It feels like a trick my brain is playing on me, you know? It has me suspicious that a lot of what I consider 'ugly' or 'bad' is not a very direct experience of the world at all, or an informed judgment. That it is, rather, a declaration of (self-, social-) identity; a desire to be seen as a person of good taste, or as somebody who does things well, or just more primitively as one of the monkeys who is in the good-stuff-tribe and not one of the monkeys who is in the bad-stuff-tribe.

[icarusredwings]

Finding home Au things that are canon (because I said so, and it's MY au so I can do whatever I want. Send me headcanons, and I'll approve them)

Gambit just got back from the void so he's just now meeting everyone. He looks a little different from how they remember since their gambit really was never a full team mate and rather then just some guy that helped Logan a couple of times. This being said hes meeting Rouge as a 35 year old linguistics teacher for a bunch of brats, flirting with her in the halls, trying to impress her all the time, etc. He wanted to have a cool class like how to use a Bo staff or tutor energy weilding kids but instead got stuck with sex ed. Because of this, he now makes a ton of jokes to Rouge about it (she's across the hall) but actually is really excited to start his cooking elective class this coming fall when he's considered a real team member.

Ororos heals click in the hall like they did when you were a kid and you could tell the principal is coming. She's almost always with a tea or a coffee, walkie talkie and keys jingling. She's very sweet but kids shit their pants if sent to Mrs. Munroes office, meanwhile Mr. Summers office is a nothing, just a lecture and a slap on the wrist. Aint no one actually scared of lasik because they know thw worst theyll get is community work for a couple of weeks but they ligit cry the second theyre sent to munroe's (especially if they know theyre guilty of a big prank or something)

The school gives out free hygiene products and depending on what you need you can special request it.

If students get too angry they are sent to Piotr's art room for art therapy. He surprisingly is very artistic and chill.

Forges shop class is working on a car with no weight limit and that can handle their heavy hitters (Colossus and Wolverine) both in the same car (most bust) as well as a car made from plastic recycling. They're working on it. Its only blown up once!!

Gambit makes breakfast for the staff and some students of they beg enough. He keeps bringing Rouge the first cup of coffee from the pot and has made her pancakes shaped like hearts multiple times. Watching her stab them and smother them make him... giggle helplessly.

Gambit🤝Watching their love intrests viscously stab and rip apart their meals with a boner wishing it was them🤝Wade

He's very respectful towards her, though and sometimes is a bit (COUGH a lot COUGH) of a kiss ass.

Hank's students have blown up the lab at least 4 times by now. One of those times was Wades fault for touching stuff he wasn't supposed to.

Kurt is very glad that Wade has taken over his Duel weaponry/swordsman class, so now he has time to start working out a pitch for a world's religion class+ sunday school. He still runs a fencing club, though.

Peter (quicksilver) has tried so many different positions, including music teacher of all different instruments. Now he just kinda lounges around in the game room and speed cleans the mansion after each day in like 2 minutes flat. Imagine being paid a full salary just for 2 minutes of work? And you get to live somewhere for free and play games all day? Fuck yeah.

Positions I've been thinking about:

Beast (Dr. Henry "Hank" McCoy) is the Vice-Principal, so he does orientation. He has multiple science classes, including biophysics, and has electives in philosophy and poetry.

Colossus (Piotr Rasputin) is an art teacher and handles art therapy

Gambit (Remy LeBeau) runs a sex-ed class and is hoping to soon get approved to run a cooking class next semester.

Nightcrawler (Kurt Wagner) has a fencing elective as well as a religion class, sunday school, and sometimes helps Morph with drama/theater. (Ex duel weaponry instructor)

Rogue (Anna Marie) is a Linguistics teacher who drabbles in social science. “Diction and Linguistics, with Professor Rogue” She can teach just about any language, but russian/german/ french/ spanish and Japanese are her main ones. She's who you go to if you dont understand English and need help. Almost all foreign students have her.

Cyclops (Scott Summers) is the headmaster. He has classes in Geometry, has an elective for leadership and communications (PFFT) as well as being the schools mobility/disability specialist. He, of course, specializes more with children who have trouble with their eyesight.

Storm (Ororo Munroe) is the Headmistress. She has an Environmental Science and Political Science class as well as a multi cultural elective.

Shadowcat (Katherine "Kitty" Pryde) has a comp-sci class and runs an ethics class.

“Ethics 101: Forgetting Everything You Ever Learned From Emma Frost, with Professor Pryde.”

Wolverine (Logan Howlett) is a(n occasional hand to hand combat/ martial arts) PE instructor. (Ex History teacher)

Jubilee is the schools event organizer, event coordinator, event manager, and more broadly, event professional, the ‘hip’ school counselor. "Activities Director & Counselor"

Morph is the director of drama acting and disguises (duh)

Laura is a graduating student In training under the Wolverine (Gabby is a student and is too young to be an understudy)

Yukio graduating student In training Under Storm or Rouge (I can't decide)

Negasonic teenage warhead (Ellie) graduating student In training under Jean Grey.

Mr. Wade Wilson (Deadpool) Is in training under Colossus. Duel weaponry/ swordsman tactics class instructor (plus whatever Logan's doing, he's very nosey and WILL cause issues if bored)

Jean Grey is an english teacher, has a class on psychology, and drabbles in physics.

Ice man (Bobby) is the school financal advisor/accountant and runs a business elective class.

Forge is a Shop teacher.

Quicksilver (Peter maximoff) Janitor, housekeeping, music teacher, replaced original Logan as PE teacher for a while, target practice, teaches fast kids how to avoid running into walls, always in the game room, stock/ errand boy, gets bored super quickly, sports instructor, Read almost all the books in the library, likes swimming, mainly just lays around waiting for something fun to do, his father causes trouble sometimes which he thinks is entertaining but also hella embaressing.

I'm unfortunately left without a history teacher, so shoot me any ideas :)

[zerobaseonefics]

ZB1 : falling asleep on them ㅡ hyung line version

ZB1!hyung line x gn!reader

genre : fluff

warnings : maybe some suggestives sentences for hao's part??? one bed trope for hao's. mention of quitting school to become a stripper in hanbin's... yeah that's pretty much it

note : I'VE NEVER WROTE FOR JIWOONG BEFORE CAN YOU BELIEVE IT????? i'm anxious i hope i did it right 🫡 if you guys liked the hyung line version i might do it for the rest of the members... peace 👅‼️

• Jiwoong

"and... cut! good job guys, we're all getting a break. come back in 15 minutes!"

after the announcement of the producer, it seems like everyone on the set started breathing again. it was your debut movie. you used to act before, mostly in web dramas, but this was your first role ever in such a big project and the movie was already very anticipated by the public. your co-star, jiwoong, was used to those long days of just filming, but you were absolutly not. you, and the whole production crew as well, was now filming for 12 hours, and acting for so long was actually more tiring than it seems to be.

the scene you were filming before the break was outdoors, at night, in a park that the production crew privatized so no one could disturb the filming. the night temperature started to bite the tip of your fingers and made you shiver. you were sitting alone on a bench when jiwoong came to you with a smile. he went to take your coat from the staff, and also thought of taking a blanket for you. without a word, he helped you wearing your coat before wrapping the blanket around your shoulders. you smiled back to him.

you guys were working together on this movie for months now, and you were confortable enough to let your head rest on his shoulder when he sat next to you.

"thank you for the blanket" you mumbled.

"you looked like you were about to turn into an ice cube'' he joked. he couldn't help but keep a smile on his face when you softly laughed to his remark, a sweet melody to his ears. little by little, a calming silence fell over the two of you. jiwoong lips were still curved upwards to the feeling of you curled up to him, and he couldn't help but look to your face after a few minutes. your eyes were closed and your breathing was calmer than it was previously. when he realized you fell asleep on him, a pinkish color appeared on his cheeks, and no one could tell if it was because of you or because of the cold.

gently, his hand went to take yours as he tried not to wake you up.

this moment, caught on camera by the staff who was filming the behind the scene, quickly made you and jiwoong the talk of town and brought more hype to the upcoming movie...

• Zhang hao

"well, i'm gonna have to warn you, i naturally cuddle things when i sleep. if it ever happens, don't think i have a crush on you or anything. okay? it's my nature, it's just how i work, so please-"

"oh my god, hao could you please just shut up!"

you shoved your face under your pillow to let him know he was pissing you off. hao sighed.

"i'm simply warning you..."

"okay and i'm also warning you, if you ever cuddle me i'll probably strangle you. that's my nature, it's just how i work." you said, using his own words.

"that's some weird and agressive way of working but okay..."

for as long as you could remember, hao and you were rivals. don't ask me in what field you guys are competing, because at this point, y'all are turning everything into a competition. and this is literally how you ended up that night, in the same bed.

you both took music as your major in college, and a school trip was organized for the best students. when you arrived to the hotel, the teachers simply gave you the keys to the room that were reserved for you, and let you choose the ones you wanted. they warned you that there was one that have to be shared, but zhang hao and you were not listening at this point. why? you wanted the third room, but he wanted it as well. it started a fight between you two, while the rest of your classmates simply chose the room they wanted. that's how you ended up having to share a room with him. with one bed.

now, you were both lying down on the back, looking at the ceiling. an awkward silence settled in the room, as you were too tensed to sleep properly. zhang hao, on the other half, didn't care. he decided to lay comfortably to sleep.

"are you not going to sleep?" he asked.

"i don't trust you enough to close my eyes."

"don't worry about it, i'm not doing anything without your consent."

"..."

"n-not that i'm willing to do anything with you even if you wanted to! i don't have a crush on you or anything..."

"you probably said you don't have a crush on me five times this evening, that's suspicious.."

"shut up."

surpringly, you listened to him and didn't fight back. the silence came back again, and zhang hao's were closed as he started to doze off. surprisingly, you called his name, and he could sense that you hesitated before doing so. he simply hummed, letting you know he was listening to you.

"don't you think the room is cold?" you said in a small voice he was not used to hear.

"do you?" he asked back, thinking the temperature of the room was good enough.

"yeah..."

he looked at you, inspecting your face despite the darkness in the room. you didn't seem to be lying. hao frowned his eyebrows.

"are you really cold?"

"why would i lie about being cold?? look" you put your hand on his neck, making him jump back.

"take your icy hands off me??" he said, offended.

"see?? i'm cold!"

an idea crossed zhang hao's mind. he coughed to clear his voice, not looking at you.

"well, people usually say my body is warm..."

"and...?"

"if you're really cold, i can let you use my body... okay, no, this sounds really weird, what i wanted to say was-"

"i get it! don't freak out like this."

once again, zhang hao sighed. but this time, you did it with him. with hesitation, you went closer to him. your arm held his waist as he was laying on his back, and you rested your head on his chest. he didn't even realize that he stopped breathing when your body became so close to his own. zhang hao doesn't have a crush on you. but there was no other way he could explain the feeling he felt in his chest when you snuggled up to him after you fell asleep on his chest.

• Hanbin

"maybe i should quit school and become a stripper..."

"i wouldn't shame you for that to be honest."

your best friend, hanbin, put down your order on the table. you immediatly took a sip from the drink, a sigh of relief leaving your lips.

"if it wasn't for your coffee, i think i would've die studying."

"i'm glad if it helps."

hanbin looked around. today, his mother's cafe was emptier than usual. you were the only customer here, actually. he took the occasion and sat next to you.

"maybe you should take a break now? you've been working on this for hours now. drink this at least, and go back to studying after."

"you're right. plus, it sucks that you're here but i don't get to hang out with you."

hanbin shyly smiled at the last sentence. you were totally oblivious to the heart eyes your friend was sending to you, focused on drinking your coffee. stray strands of hair were falling before your eyes and hanbin couldn't help but find you cute.

"should i tie your hair for you?"

"i wish, but i didn't take hair ties with me..."

hanbin simply showed you his wrist, with a hair tie around. he always carry one with him in case you needed it. "you're amazing", you said as you turned back to let him tie your hair. gently, he made sure to tie every strands that were disturbing you, and made sure he could see your pretty face properly.

"all done" he grinned. you locked your arm with him, snuggling closer to him and letting your head on his shoulder.

"thank you. for everything."

"i know you would have done the same for me", hanbin mumbled, a bit shy despite being used to this kind of the skinship. with his free hand, he took yours to his lips, placing a soft kiss on it. "is it okay if we stay like this for a bit? since there is no customers..."

"hm, don't worry. i'm focused on you anyways."

you whispered another 'thank you' to your friend, not aware of the racing heart you caused inside his chest. the sight of you slowly falling asleep on you was so endearing, that when a new customer finally came in, he simply apologized to them and said they were closed.

[russellsppttemplates]

We're in this together, mon amour (Pierre Gasly)

There are times harder than others, but Pierre is making sure he's always there for his wife

Note: english is not my first language. this is my long piece in ehat feels like a lifetime, I hope I can still do it well enough, and, like usual, I like to say this to make it clear: this request is special because this is a topic that I feel huge responsibility writing about and I feel grateful that I'm trusted enough to have it be requested (and you don't need to feel anxious or scared to submit things like this, this is not a learning platform necessarily, nor I am a teacher, but I'm more than happy to write about these things and materialise some ideas you have). As I've said before, I hate the whole idea of labelling, but I also know and understand how important it is to see some of you and your characteristics portrayed in a character.

I'm very happy and proud of you for making progress about it too ✨️🤍

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated, and I'm slowly trying to get back to taking requests, and I am writing some blurbs when I can, so if you have any ideas or concepts that can be written in a small amount of sentences and you want to share, feel free to do so!

Tw: mentions mental health issues (anxiety symptoms, self-doubt), going to therapy, family issues

You arrived home after another day at work, hoping that you could put this week behind you and go into the weekend to relax. You could count on one hand the moments this week where you didn't feel completely on edge. Work was going through a busy time and despite being very happy that the company was growing and your work was being valued, it did pile up with everything else. And could you really complain about your home life? You had a supportive husband, way more supportive than you feel like you deserve and with everything else happening, it just created all these thoughts that would not leave your mind, no matter how much you tried and insisted they would leave.

Maybe a shower would help, you thought, going upstairs to the ensuite and grabbing your favourite products in hopes they would make you feel better. You stripped out of your work clothes and placed them in the hamper, putting some music on your phone so you could have something else occupying your mind when you noticed a message from your husband, saying he would be home later than expected since the sponsor meeting had evolved to a drinks and food situation, apologising for the sudden change of plans with an I love you in the end.

Walking inside the cabin, the water distracted you for about two minutes before everything came back up, thoughts of how you could be the wife to be there with him, supporting him while in big crowds, not needing to take a few moments away because it was getting too much. And maybe how he could do so much better, how he could easily have someone to do that for him without any trouble, and yet he chose you to spend the rest of his life with. And the feeling that settles in your chest makes it harder for you to breathe, harder for you to think and distract yourself so you push your back against the cold wall, the feeling so shocking to your senses that it just about got you back to yourself so you could wash your hair and body and get out.

You were in the bedroom, putting your pyjamas on when you heard Pierre's footsteps going up the stairs, "Amour, are you in the bedroom? I was wondering if you wanted to go and grab something to eat", he said before he entered the bedroom, "Oh, pyjamas already?", he asked in a neutral tone, but to you, it was the last straw. Tears started falling down and your legs started to shake as you tried your best to calm down, Pierre already kneeled in front of you, "hey, amour, hey, what's wrong?", he made you look at him, "breathe with me", he instructed, "there you go, you can talk whenever you want to", he offered as soon as you seemed to calm down, "but I will need you to tell me what's going on", he said before getting up only to sit next to you on the bed.

"I've been feeling a lot of things recently, and they're not very good", you began, "and I know I should've told you, but I don't want to bother you", and Pierre tapped your hand twice, something he had been doing for a while whenever he wanted you to know he had something to say whenever you were talking, "you will never be a bother, Y/N, you can tell me how you're feeling", he brushed some hairs out of your forehead.

Sighing, you looked up at the ceiling before speaking, "Sometimes I feel like I'm too much for you, I'm either too much work, too much drama...and I get scared one day I'll be too much for you to handle, I'm sorry I'm like this", you shared. It had always been there, a small impostor's syndrome almost where you didn't feel like you could even compare to the another drivers' partners, but recently it had all become a bit more obvious in your eyes. Your wedding had been full on Pierre's side, whilst your side was a lot smaller, consisting mainly of friends and some family members who you still had a good relationship with, everyone seemed to be wondering when you'd have a little one when there were days you felt you could barely care for yourself, people often commented and you were and when you weren't in the paddock, whatever attendance trend not satisfying their curiosity.

Pierre gulped. You had never shared this with him, not with this much emphasis. Anytime you'd feel a little more insecure, he would shower you with love, and he thought it had been enough.

"None of that is true, my love", he began, "I can assure you that. I love you no matter what", he stated, "You'll never be too much for me", Pierre assured you as he held your hand in his, making sure you kept looking at him, "there's nothing in this world than I won't do for you to make sure you feel good and well", he noted, "I- I didn't know you felt like this, I'm sorry for not noticing it".

You looked at him, seeing the hurt in his eyes, "I didn't mean to hurt you. See? This is what I mean, everything is taking a toll, now you're not feeling good about it, and it's all my fault", you took a deep breath, "hey, amour. You don't have to feel guilty about his, okay? Above anything else, I want you to be okay, so we can be okay, too. You just have to let me know", he said as he managed to hold your gaze in his, "I was thinking the other day, maybe I should go back to therapy. I stopped because I felt really good but maybe it's time to go back", you said.

Softly rubbing your cheek, Pierre spoke first, "if you think that will help, mon amour, we'll go just now, I would take you if I could right now", he said, bringing a small smile to your face, "I'll be by your side through it all, amour".

.

"Do you want me to pick you up after your appointment?", Pierre asked, looking at the calendar you had on your home office's wall, "Oh yes, that would be good actually. The mechanic said my car wouldn't be ready until the day after tomorrow", you smiled before closing a file you were working on.

"I actually wanted to talk to you about something", he began, grabbing your attention, continuing once you nodded, "I've been wondering about other ways to help you, and I was wondering, with you permission of course, if I could talk to your therapist. Not to know what you discuss in the sessions, but rather to know more about the whole thing. Like, how I can help you and know all the signs and things. This with your permission, of course", he said. You gave it a thought, "I'm okay with it. I know my psychologist won't break the ethical code. But do you want to do that?", you wondered, "I want to know more of how I can help you. I want you to be as comfortable and happy as possible, and while I know a few things, there are more things that maybe she can tell me. I want to be able to help you to the best of my abilities", he said as he cradled your cheek, "but only if you're okay with it", he reiterated. Smiling at him, with small happy tears in your eyes, you mimicked his stance with your own hands, thumbs rubbing his stubbly cheek, "I love you, so much. Thank you for always being here for me", you said before allowing your arms to change position and hug your husband, arms circling his body, "you and me until the end, ma belle".

.

"There were some difficult questions today", you said to Pierre over the phone, "but I'm getting better at talking about it", you said, watching his face in the videocall, "I'm so proud of you, mon amour", he said, "It's nothing really, that's just-", you were interrupted by him, "it is big, and even if it was a small thing, you're working on it", he smiled.

"You've been a really big part, too", you winked, "I'm just making sure my wife knows the truth, that she is worth everything, that she is capable of anything, and most importantly, I try everyday to make you feel the happiness and love you deserve", he smiled.

.

"Do you still want to go for dinner tonight?", Pierre asked as he adjusted the sleeves on his shirt, having noticed you had been particularly quiet since getting home from work, "do you mind if we stay in tonight? I know you were really excited, and I was really excited too but work was too much today, and a lot of people were talking and I-", you were interrupted by your husband, "you don't have to explain yourself if you don't want to, mon amour. Was it something I did that I can make better?", he asked as you shook your head no, "was it something you had total control over?", he asked again, "no, I couldn't do more than take a few breaks and distract myself when I felt overwhelmed", you said as you saw him smile, "exactly. So we can control this now, and we can stay in. Do you want to make food together or order in?".

.

"Are you feeling okay? We can leave early if you want to", Pierre whispered in your ear as you walked to the table in the restaurant the team had rented out to celebrate the recent positive results, "I'm okay, so far so good", you smiled at his attentiveness, kissing his hand that was laced with yours as you sat down and greeted everyone at the table.

Pierre came back from using the bathroom when he noticed you weren't inside the room anymore, going up to where you were sitting and asking for you, "Y/N took Maisie outside, we are discussing some things for the next meeting and she took her outside with her to see the stars", Elise from the engineering team said before Pierre made his way to the outside garden of the restaurant, wanting to know where and how you were.

"Oh, there you are, Y/N", he said, looking for any sign of discomfort in your body language, but only finding you comfortable looking up at the stars with the little girl in your arms as she tried to grab them, "She was getting a little bit cranky, bless her", you explained, seeing the worried creases on his forehead soften, "so I thought we could come outside and see the stars and the moon while the adults talked about boring engineering things", you smiled as Maisie seemed to pay attention to your husband now, "are you looking at Pierre? He's very handsome, right?", you tapped her nose and she let out a delicious giggle, earning giggles from both of you in return.

"I thought you might have not felt good inside, I was worried for a second there", Pierre explained, "I was fine, everyone was lovely as usual, but she was getting a bit restless and Elise and Tom couldn't keep her entertained, so I said I could take her if they'd like", you said as you felt Maisie cuddle into your chest, her hands grasping the material of your shirt, "and she's really fighting sleep, aren't you, little monkey?", you said as you softly stroked her cheek, "you need to sleep, little one", Pierre offered as he started walking, hoping that the steady movement would help her fall asleep easily.

"I'm very proud of you", Pierre began talking, "I can only imagine how hard things still can be for you, but you work everyday to get better at it and to be better, and that makes me so happy and proud of you", he said as he circled his arm around your waist and kissed the side of your head, mindulf of the little girl who whose eyes were becoming droopier by the minute, "thank you, you know I would've not done it without you", you looked at him, "a lot of it comes down to me, I know, but having you there makes it easier", you finished, puckering your lips so he could kiss them, "we're in this together, mon amour", he offered before a snore was heard, the both of you cooing at the sight of Maisie asleep, leaving you to think once again about kids. It had been going on for a while, especially now that you felt a lot more in control and like you could deal better with your day to day thoughts. "Hey, my love, I've been thinking about something lately, and you obviously have a say in this, but I've been thinking about one of our own", you voiced your thoughts, knowing that your relationship was an open and comfortable place for you to share them without any judgement from your husband, "I know there's still some work to do, and quite frankly there will always be, but I've been thinking about it and it doesn't scare me like it did before, I actually look forward to every moment", you finished your ramble, looking for any sign of disagreement in Pierre's face, finding only a big smile, "whenever you are ready, mon amour, you just let me know and we can start practicing for a little Gasly", he laughed, squeezing your body against is, "seeing you with a baby on your arms is making me absolutely ready", he whispered in your ear, "hey, small ears are within hearing capacity!", you suddenly felt shy, "what? I'm promising her a little friend to play with in the paddock next year!".

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi Mbti-notes, hope you’re doing well. I’m an INTP who sent you an ask a few days ago that I wanted to retract. I think I was in denial a bit when I wrote it so it wasn’t very clear. The issue is, I’ve recently moved from a small, very good private school (where I’ve been for my whole life) to a large, diverse coed state school. I was so excited about the move when I got in to the school, but now I regret it.

The thing is, I have almost no sense of identity. I do things (like homework) bc I get positive validation from teachers. Even though intellectually I value hard work and I admire ppl who can speak eloquently and are sharp, I don’t know how to make myself emotionally care about schoolwork without this, so I don’t do it. When I have friends, I steal their interests and copy their mannerisms and expressions and ways of looking at life. I feel so dull and empty inside without someone to almost give me life and a personality. And I’m realizing all the things I took as constants about myself (hardworking, intelligent, sociable to a degree) were just products of my environment. Even down to the fact that I can’t listen to music anymore bc there’s nobody to discuss it with so it feels pointless.

It’s probably worth mentioning that I used to define myself as capable, but I’ve been having bad brain fog (a dietician’s helping me solve it) so I can’t really read or learn things which I used to enjoy a lot, and my memory is absolutely terrible. I feel super spaced out and derealised most of the time.

And on top of this, I went to a school where the lesson quality was very high and I was with ppl who were bright if a bit apathetic. Now I’m with people who haven’t had the same upbringing I’ve had or the same educational quality. The lessons in this school are also more of a lecture type, teach yourself the material, and I’m not as sharp as I used to be so it’s difficult. I wanted to leave my school to meet new people from different backgrounds but I can’t relate to any of them, and I would be able to if I stopped resisting but I’m scared I’m going to lose myself in the process. I think my academic standards might subtly be slipping (even in a less conscious way) and I don’t know what to do.

If I had my wits about me I’d be working harder to keep my grades up, but I’m so tired and demoralized because when I go into school I feel so out of place and like I’ve made a mistake. I can’t stop comparing it to the way things were at my old school, or at my twin sister’s private school (she made the right choice and I didn’t). I’m aware this is partly a sign of Si loop and I should stop indulging it, but my memory is terrible and if I don’t remember and keep thinking about the past, how can I define myself clearly? I don’t know myself at all, and I’ve only ever defined myself by my past actions but other than that I feel so hollow inside.

I have to stick it out at this school so any perspective you have on this would be welcomed (and pls disregard my previous ask!). Thank you :)

---------------

(1) Function Problems: Many people make the mistake of choosing only one of the past, present, or future to use for defining their "identity". However, the three are equally important since they are inextricably intertwined.

The past contains all of the significant life experiences that have made you the unique person you are at present. The present is where you make the vital decisions about who you will become in the future. And the future gives you the direction needed to make decisions right now that best build upon all you've achieved in the past.

Unhealthy Si means misinterpreting the importance of the past. Type development requires you to learn how to use functions optimally and appropriately. There are times when it's appropriate to draw upon past experience and there are times when it's inappropriate. There are times when leaning too heavily on the past becomes an impediment to your daily functioning and future growth.

The past only influences the present when you allow it to. Right now, you are unhappy because you are having difficulty adjusting to a new environment. When people are unhappy, they are prone to emotional reasoning, which means selectively gathering "evidence" that only serves to confirm and escalate negative emotions.

Some of that "evidence" can come from the past, in terms of using a mythologized past to make unfavorable comparisons of the present. What this means is that your perception of the present is biased and flawed. You are not giving objective and fair consideration to the new environment on its own merits but denigrating it merely because it doesn't meet your subjective expectations.

This logical fallacy can seep into many situations. For example, if you meet a new person who physically resembles a person you once knew, you can't help expecting their personality to be the same too. Or, if you've eaten at many restaurants of a particular cuisine, you'll expect a new restaurant to live up to the previous ones you've enjoyed. A personal example: I once watched a beautiful fireworks display with a friend, but the only comment they could make was that it wasn't as nice as a previous display they'd seen in another city.

What do these examples teach you? Emphasizing the past to an unhealthy degree can lead to problems such as: detachment from reality; inability to live in and appreciate the present as is; a jaded attitude that compulsively recasts everything sublime as mundane.

You say you want "perspective" but unhealthy Si really does NOT want perspective because it is heavily invested in sameness. Unhealthy Si is looking for any excuse to justify giving up and resigning oneself to the predictability of the status quo. Predictability is where Si shines, so why give up that glory by changing oneself and inviting unpredictability?

However, when you go around expecting the world to always conform with what you already know, what you're really doing is condemning yourself to living a life of boring monotony. Is that really what you want? If it is, that's your choice and it should be respected, though you should ask yourself whether you are truly NP.

If monotony doesn't appeal to you, then you have to readjust your vision. You have to appreciate that change is a necessity to be welcomed and embraced because, without it, there is no longer any possibility for betterment. This is why healthy Ne is the salve to dysfunctional Si.

NPs are often admired for their ability to look for silver linings and capitalize on them. Would you believe that many NPs have basically said to me that there's no such thing as "a bad decision", that life is what you make of it? A few have even said that they like to immerse themselves in a "bad" environment because it gives them a chance to exercise ingenuity to thrive in it? Where is this Ne spirit in you? I can't answer that for you. You have to look within and bring it out.

(2) Motivation Problems: You lack intrinsic motivation. I have explained this topic many times, so browse previous posts. You keep waiting around for someone/something to compel you into action, which means you are mainly extrinsically motivated. This is similar to the mentality of a spoiled child who expects the world to cater to their every need.

People who are only extrinsically motivated often miss out on opportunities to develop inner strength of character. Unfortunately, having nothing of substance within, they are ultimately shallow people. And living a shallow life amounts to living a meaningless life.

Oftentimes, when people claim to be "empty" or that life seems "meaningless", what they're really saying is that they have no values to rely upon. What is a human being without values? It basically means nothing is important. When nothing is important, then nothing is worth doing. When nothing is worth doing, then life isn't worth living, is it?

The essence of humanity is found in human values. What does it mean to "value" something? For example:

To value is to appreciate something for its inherent worth. Do you see the worth in anything, or do you only see how everything is worthless to you?

To value is to cherish something for all its positive aspects. Do you look for the positive, or do you seek out the negative because it feels good to confirm your negative feelings and beliefs?

To value is to care about something enough that you want to nurture its continued existence. Do you even care enough about yourself to work hard for a better quality of life?

To value is to love something so deeply that you'd make a personal sacrifice to save it. Do you love anything? If not, how can you act in the best interests of anything, including your future self?

To value is to have a heart and use it as a guide when interacting with the world. Living without a heart, can one call oneself human? If you want to feel like a whole and well-rounded human being, then you have to stop being unduly critical (unhealthy Ti) and actively learn to look for things to love in life (healthy Fe). The possibility of finding beauty exists in every time and place. The question is whether you can open your eyes to see it and open your heart to feel it.

It's easy to sit back and complain about what's "wrong", in fact, it's a comfortable place to be because you can believe in the lie of your own superiority. If you're happy in that bubble, then stay there. If you're not happy there, then get up and seek out positive things and build upon them, and live a life that makes the world brighter. It's a much more difficult but also a much more meaningful way to live.

Nobody can make you care. Caring is a choice you make by yourself, for yourself because you understand the preciousness of life, the shortness of your time on earth, and the necessity of making the most out of the inner and outer resources you've been gifted.

[soisaidfine]

Ethel Cain: if it makes noise, I can play it (2022) / i’ve been trying to make music without rules again so that’s been nice. i’ve also been experimenting with textures again (2024)

'And if it feels good, then it can't be bad' - Gibson Girl, Ethel Cain

Ethel Cain: Gibson Girl, Grant Park, Chicago, Lollapalooza Festival

August 14, 2024 what’s your fave part about making music for this era?

@mothercain on tumblr: i’ve been trying to make music without rules again so that’s been nice. i’ve also been experimenting with textures again which i haven’t done in a while. preachers daughter i got scared and made it sound as clean as i could to be palatable, so it’s been nice pushing that mindset out. . . .

Ethel Cain, 2022: “I had the realization that if it makes noise, I can play it. I just have to figure out how to make it make noise that I think sounds good. … When I first started producing, I was like, “I can do whatever I want.” Whenever you don’t know the rules, you’re not bound to them, so I was doing whatever came to mind. I had zero idea how to produce and I was getting all these weird sounds.”

. . .

PAPER: Do you know how to play all those instruments confidently? Or do you figure everything out based on what sounds good?

Ethel Cain: Everything for me has always been about what sounds good. I took piano for about four years as a kid, so that is my primary instrument. I can play organ, I can play synthesizers; anything with keys I can figure out well enough just from my piano background. I took guitar for like six months and I was so lazy that my teacher literally quit on me. She was like, “I’m not doing more,” and I picked up the guitar probably about five or six years later again. I knew how to play like six chords and I was like, “Okay, it is what it is.”

I had the realization that if it makes noise, I can play it. I just have to figure out how to make it make noise that I think sounds good. So I don’t really have any proper theory; like with drums, you do the kick and then you do the snare. As long as your rhythms are not super off, you can play the drums. I might not be able to play some crazy big rock drums, but I can play a little beat. I’ve learned way more about playing guitar through making guitar music, than I have from taking lessons. I learn how to play instruments on a need to know basis, but it’s working for me. It could be going faster, but when you’re trying to learn how to produce music and play instruments and do photography and learn Photoshop, you have to take everything in super small increments, because I don’t really have a ton of time to devote to one thing, specifically, so it’s just slow and steady.

PAPER: Is being this hands-on important to you? Or is this just a product of living in a location where you’re by yourself and don’t have access to all the creative collaborators you might have in a major city?

Ethel Cain: It’s a little bit of both because the only reason I started teaching myself how to produce is because when I was living in Florida, I didn’t know a single producer. On top of not knowing anybody, I especially didn’t know anybody who made the music I wanted to make because, even to this day, I’ve worked with other producers and they just don’t make what I want to make.

I worked heavily with my friend, Matt Tomasi, on this entire record, and we worked very well together. But other than him, it’s been very hard to find collaborators that make music in my style. I’m very nitpicky, I’m very specific. Instead of pissing people off by being like, “Move over, I’ll do it myself,” I was like, “I’ll just go ahead and do it from the very start.” It definitely gets a little exhausting doing it, but I very much like to be in the driver’s seat at all times because my art is the only thing I’m really passionate about. I might as well do it myself because, even though I might not get to that high quality end goal as fast, I would much rather know that I did everything exactly how I wanted it.

PAPER: All the music you’ve released sounds very singular and I think it comes down to little nuances, like adding a harmonica, that makes it unlike anybody else’s.

Ethel Cain: When I first started producing, I was like, “I can do whatever I want.” Whenever you don’t know the rules, you’re not bound to them, so I was doing whatever came to mind. I had zero idea how to produce and I was getting all these weird sounds. I made a lot of terrible music that I painstakingly tried to scrub off the internet, but those songs, even though I hate them now, they all taught me something and they all still exist in my current music in a way. So I think it was all worth it. Now I possess the skill of producing and I’m glad that I took the time to get my hands dirty and learn. If I have an idea, I don’t have to call up somebody and be like, “Hey, I want to do this,” and hope they know what I’m talking about. I can just sit on my computer and do a couple clicks and then bam, I made it happen. It was worth the intense struggle.

PAPER: I love that you said, “Whenever you don’t know the rules, you’re not bound to them.” There is something magical about entering any industry with a bit of naivete, and then the more successful you get the more it fucks with what you originally had, which was innate: if it sounds good, it feels good.

Ethel Cain: When I listen to my old music that’s not anywhere but my hard drive, it’s so different but still so me. Now in this recording process, it’s been like: people are going to hear this, people are going to critique it, they’re going to consume it. But when I started out, my music was never about if other people liked it, it was about if I liked it. I miss that freedom and I’ve been actively trying to push myself back into it, to where if I like it that’s good enough.

That’s been another thing I’ve liked about living out in Alabama: there’s no outside influence. It’s me and the music and that’s it. No one whispering in my ear. There’s this really funny tweet that says, “Papa John’s is pretty good when there’s not somebody whispering in your ear telling you it tastes like shit,” and that’s how I feel about my music. I like my music better when there’s no label executives whispering in my ear telling me, “You need to shorten that, you need to make it more pop friendly. It’s probably not gonna chart and stream.” I’m like, “Fuck, who cares?” I’m making a body of work, I’m not making a collection of songs to stream.

read more: Ethel Cain on ‘Everytime’ and Britney Spears’ Cautionary Tale, by Justin Moran, Paper, 18 March 2022

Ethel Cain: "found this pic on my mom’s phone. this is the 100+ year old piano i learned how to play on and recorded all my old demos on. it sat at granny’s house for decades and then moved to my parents’ house and will go to me someday :)”

[lenathesingingcat]

Alright, I promised to post about the JCS production I saw last night, so here are my thoughts on the highlights! Bear in mind that I don’t know the musical super well, as I’ve seen the film and the pro shot of the arena tour once each, so things that surprised me might not be exclusive to this production.

@the-reynolds-pamphlet and @purple-confusion you both post about JCS so you might like to read this!

Oh, and if anyone’s going to watch the current UK tour of Jesus Christ Superstar and hasn’t yet, don’t read this post until you’ve seen it, even if you already know the musical! Some things I’m going to mention shocked me, and I knew the musical.

Spoilers for this production (and the musical in general if you don’t know the story of the crucifixion) under the cut!

So, I’m going to go through this as chronologically as I can, but I have so many thoughts!!

• Firstly, I want to say the alternate Jesus was on last night, and he was brilliant!! His name is Charlie McCullagh, and I’m shouting him out first of all because 1) he was brilliant as I said, and 2) alternates and understudies don’t get enough love!

• Jesus and co. (and ensemble) were all in modern costumes. I’ve seen/heard of it being done in 60s/70s costumes (originally performed in 1971) and in biblical costumes, and even a mix of the two, but the costumes being this modern was new to me.

• Jesus was played as a pop star, which made me think of how people today worship celebrities. He had a guitar which he appeared to be playing during Heaven On Their Minds. I wasn’t sure whether he was miming playing a song for his followers or whether he was actually accompanying Judas (Shem Omari James). He also had a microphone for some songs - I’ll come back to that!

• Looking at the programme, Shem Omari James is very new to theatre - this seems to be his first production! - which really shows as he’s placed next to Ian McIntosh (Jesus who I didn’t see) who’s done a lot. Well, let me tell you, he absolutely proved himself in Heaven On Their Minds and continued to be brilliant throughout the show!!

• During Everything’s Alright, when Judas sings about how the ointment could have been used to help the poor, and then Mary (Hannah Richardson) sings the chorus again (“Try not to get worried, try not to turn onto problems that upset you”…), usually she doesn’t acknowledge him and sings the chorus to Jesus (particularly in the Arena Tour, they’re face to face and she moves in between them to face Jesus, basically shutting Judas out) but in this production she sung the lines I’ve typed TO Judas! This was a lovely touch, especially as we rarely see them being nice to each other… usually too busy vying for Jesus’s attention however far they’d each like that attention to go and generally not seeing eye-to-eye, so I really loved seeing her try to comfort him despite their differences.

• The Pharisees (Jad Habchi as Caiaphas and Matt Bateman as Annas) had microphones that served double purpose as staffs. Also, they weren’t in modern dress but in shiny versions of biblical period costumes.

• Ryan O’Donnell accompanied himself on guitar for Pilate’s Dream.

• As always, I Don’t Know How To Love Him was very moving. It’s probably the part of the show I know best, as my mum’s a singing teacher and taught it to me for my grade 6 singing exam (I’m going to convince her to teach me some of the boys’ songs now!) and I think if you’re still moved by a song you know that well, the performer must really be doing something right. So, well done to Hannah Richardson for doing that for me!

• Now for the part that absolutely stunned me! Look at the poster/programme cover again. That’s Judas. At the end of the first act (the end of Damned For All Time) the Pharisees presented him with a treasure chest. He put his hands in to take the silver, and when he took them out, they were stained silver!! The symbolism of the blood money/blood on his hands just shocked me! There was this moment just before the curtain fell where he just looked at his hands stained with silver, it had me speechless!!

• Onto Act 2. GETHSEMANE WAS STUNNING!!! It was the only time the ensemble fully left the stage, which I think represents how those we idolise often have no privacy. The one time Jesus really wants someone to hear him is the one time he’s truly alone. Charlie McCullagh started by accompanying himself with the guitar and standing at the mic, but as the song went on, he moved away from the mic and discarded the guitar, mic, and part of his costume. Jesus didn’t want to be the superstar any more! He wanted a way out of this, of going through with his death! The staging, combined with the way he sang the song, took my breath away and was just so moving!!!

• He also let his natural accent come through in Gethsemane (he grew up in Northern Ireland).

• The kiss… MY HEART!! It was quite slow, very tender, like it was an apology at the same time as the betrayal. Like “this is the only way I can protect you, I don’t know if I’ve done the right thing, and I really wish it hadn’t come to this, I hope one day you can forgive me.” Judas (at least the musical version of him) didn’t want Jesus dead, he thought handing him over would protect him by stopping him from going too far, he really thought this was the only way!

• I’ve tried asking why, out of all the ways to betray someone by identifying them, you’d choose a kiss. No-one can give me a straight answer… (get it?)

• I was quite far back in the audience, and my eyesight isn’t great over long distances, but I think he went for the lips. (Anyone else who saw the tour, can you either confirm or correct me?)

• He still had the silver on his hands for all of this, by the way.

• Jesus sounded so sad when he said “Judas… must you betray me with a kiss?” and that was heartbreaking! He sings it quite angrily in some other versions, but in this one he just seemed heartbroken. I think I prefer it this way, with him sounding sad rather than angry.

• Maybe it was my imagination, but I feel like with the sadness in the above line in particular (as well as the caring touches throughout), they were leaning into the Jedas angle. He seemed to be saying “I hoped you would kiss me one day, but not like this…” (Or maybe I just spend too much time on Tumblr!)

• For the rest of the show, Jesus just looked so defeated, it was really sad to see.

• During the lashes, they were throwing gold glitter at Jesus while making it look like they were whipping him, making it look like he was bleeding gold. I wonder if that was just for aesthetics or if it was deliberately connected to the silver staining Judas’s hands (Jesus’s blood on his hands, gold and silver both represent money, blood money).

• Talking of the silver! When Judas came on stage to sing Superstar, he still had the silver staining his hands, which made me really sad. In direct contrast to the Arena Tour, in which he was lowered on from the flies (that’s above the stage for non-theatre people) and dancing with ensemble in angel costumes, implying he’d gone to Heaven and therefore implying that Jesus had forgiven him, this production had him come on from the wings (the sides of the stage for non-theatre people) rather than from either above or below. They didn’t choose either way, to imply that Jesus had forgiven him or that he hadn’t, but the silver still being on his hands showed that, even in death, Judas hadn’t forgiven himself.

• The crucifixion always upsets me. I’m very much NOT Christian (no disrespect if you are, I’m just not) but a man existed who taught people to be kind to each other in a way that he knew how to reach them, and he was brutally murdered for it.

• On a happier note, albeit not exactly part of the show, the cast were really nice! There weren’t many people at stage door, so they were able to spend a bit more time with those of us who did come to meet them, and they seem to be lovely people. I had particularly nice conversations with Charlie McCullagh (Alternate Jesus) and Jad Habchi (Caiaphas). He has a great sense of humour, he joked about how he gets to kill Jesus (and when I said something like “Not everyone can say they’ve done that!” he responded “And I get to do it 8 times a week!”) and jokingly bragged about how great he was, though I don’t think we’d have objected if he’d been serious!

A brilliant production that made me love the show even more than I already did!!!

[mayimkjs]

FOOL's MATE Update Post #5

Master Post　　Last Update

School Date: Fall, Term 9, Week 1

Haven't done much this month. Mainly just house keeping stuff. Most of the changes to the research doc have been made in the past week because I wanted to have this update out on the 6th.

Obligatory happy birthday to our favorite mentally ill twink. I'll be adding today's timeline to all of the documents that it needs later today. So It wont be in today's research compile. I'll give a little bit of what I think here though. I find it interesting that it's John who's in it and that he's still playing the monster act. I'll make a full post about it soon.

I was also watching Akidearest's newest video which reminded me that I should probably define what Japan counts as murder. So I wrote up a quick slide that takes what she read off of an article about if writing in the Death Note counts as murder. I'll expand it using other and more appropriate sources soon. I just want to have that slide and those ideas down so I don't forget about it.

Pre-Pro Mode

I have officially started my Pre-Production class. I'll be posting work that I do for that class whenever I have it done. The main assignments for the class, in order of due date, are the project proposal, budget, scripts and storyboards. I have the class Tuesdays, so these posts will likely be on Tuesdays.

Prototype Intro

Here's the finalized prototype intro. There isn't any audio in this version. There was audio in the version I turned into my teacher. I would have had to cut some things out and the timeline got messed up somehow, so I just rendered a different comp that contains everything that I wanted to render.

Promo Video

I've started to make the first promo video. I wanted to have it ready for Mikoto's birthday, but that's obviously not happening. So now my goal is to have this done for Double's anniversary. Here's the storyboard.

Changes

Added

How did he not get caught

General Music Info

What in Japan counts as murder?

English Covers

Finished

Vocal styles

Expanded

Birthstones

The Role of Jackalopes in MILGRAM

Links

Mikoto’s & John’s Speech Patterns

Moved

The Kayano System in a Musical Context under Mikoto’s & John’s Speech Patterns

Links

Research Doc (Comments on like always)

Milanote

Reddit Post

Feedback Form

Commission Form

Volunteer Form

[nj-6-girl]

The sun cast a warm glow through the windows of Seoul Academy, illuminating rows of neatly arranged desks. Twelve-year-old Choi Micha sat at her desk, tapping her pen against a blank piece of paper. Her long, silky hair cascaded over her shoulder as she frowned at the daunting task before her: an essay on Korean history. Despite her usual confidence, the subject left her uninspired.

"Mina," Micha whispered, glancing over at her best friend, who sat beside her. Mina's desk was equally clear of any productive work, her notebook filled with doodles instead of notes.

"Yeah?" Mina replied, looking up with a mischievous grin that often got her into trouble.

"How are we supposed to write this essay?" Micha asked, a hint of desperation in her voice.

Mina shrugged, her grin widening. "I didn't even start mine. I was hoping you had some ideas."

" didn't you do search in the books that the teachers gave us for information to write this essay"

" nah, I didn't" she shrugged carelessly.

" you're going to get In trouble again, and your parents won't let this go easley" Micha said quietly while putting her head on top of her arms on the table.

" what's new" she said equally as quiet while looking anywhere but her friend.

Both girls came from prominent, wealthy families in Korea, Despite Mina’s troublemaking reputation, Micha knew her friend had a kind heart, often hidden beneath her rebellious exterior. Mina's parents were strict, frequently punishing her for her antics, sometimes they were really harsh on her on the smallest thing.

" are you going to be ok" Micha mumbled softly.

" I'm ok"

The classroom buzzed with activity as other students scribbled away, but Micha and Mina found solace in their mutual predicament. Under the table, Mina playfully nudged Micha's leg with her foot. Micha retaliated, and soon, the two were lightly kicking each other, giggles stifled behind their hands to avoid the teacher's stern glare.

As the final bell rang, signaling the end of the school day, Micha felt a mix of relief and excitement. She followed her usual routine, heading to the convenience store near the school. The small bell above the door chimed as she entered, and she made a beeline for her favorite dessert: strawberry mochi. With her treat in hand, she walked to the nearby playground, a quiet spot where she could enjoy her snack in peace.

Sitting on a swing, Micha savored the sweet taste of the mochi, her mind wandering to anything but history essays. " Should I try the chocolate mochi next time" she whispered to herself while adjusting her baby pink back bag on her lap and swings lightly.

" hello there" a woman voice said behind her as Micha jumped slightly on her seat" don't need to be frightened" the pretty woman chuckled.

" I just want to have a small talk with you"

The women looks pretty, I should trust she doesn't look like the scary women in the movies that kidnaps children like Kang oppa told me about.

" what's you name ? And how old are you beautiful?" She crouched in front of her.

" my name is Choi Micha, and I'll be turning thirteen this October" she said adorably while pouting.

" I'm jeong saebi and I work at ador entertainment, oh do you like candies I have some more here" saebi noticed how the little girl was clutching her mochi in a tight grip like someone would steal it from her, how cute.

It's true that Kang oppa would scold me if he saw me take Free candy but, saebi unnie is pretty like the women in movies she wouldn't do anything bad to me.

" thank you" she grabbed the candies and put them in her bag for later.

" do you like music"

Micha nodded twice without thinking.

" oh what is your favorite idol group" the pretty woman said fixing the flying hair of Micha.

" I like girls generation" her eyes lit up while saying the name of her favorite group.

" that's great! Do you want to be like them one day"

Again Micha nodded her head without thinking, but this time it was faster.

" brilliant! I work in a company that may makes your dream come true, here is my card, call me when you make your decision, ok?" She finally got up from her position and handed her the card.

" thank you, I promise I will think about it since you gave me my favorite candies" Micha squealed joyfully.

" you really are beautiful, I hope you think about it". Saebi spoke gently to the little girl in front of her.

It would be a nice addition, I hope her family accept it though. Saebi wasn't blind, she noticed the girl uniform and knew right then that she wasn't from a normal family.

" well I have to go, bye Micha" she waved as she walked away.

" bye unnie" she said softly as she stared at the card in her hand.

When Micha arrived home, she was practically bouncing with joy. She plugged in her headphones and played her favorite Girls' Generation songs, losing herself in the music and the glamorous world of her idols. The elegant choreography, stunning visuals, and catchy tunes captivated her, fueling her dreams of one day joining their ranks.

As the last notes of the song played, Micha stood in front of her mirror, holding the business card. She imagined herself on stage, bathed in lights, performing for adoring fans. A smile spread across her face as she whispered to herself, "One day, I'll be just like them."

[yukidragon]

Hey there, finally figured out how to edit my blog after all these years of inactivity! Anyway, your last ping about Jacktor evading his past as long as possible made me wondering whether there would be instances where our silly lil' guy would accidentally slip out of character. Aside from the canon implications of his "vices", I thought something about music trivia and instrument preferences for my OC route. What else do you think could make him remember his past self in a neutral/good way?

Unfortunately there's a lot about Joseph that we don't know yet. I've done a more thorough deep dive of his childhood and timeline in this previous post.

From what we've learned through his interview with the psyche consultant at the end of the demo, which I transcribed here, Joseph is a man who regrets his past. Things that he once liked - his tattoos - now bring him feelings of shame.

I suspect that the combination of rum syrup, coffee ice cream, and cashews might have been something he liked. Either that or it was associated with a particularly bad memory. If it was something he, as Joseph, enjoyed, it might have caused that negative reaction because of the fact that taste and smell are strongly associated with memory. That specific combination probably brought him back to the past for a moment, when he used to be Joseph. Sometimes certain foods do that, remind us of the times we had it before and for a moment we replay the memories where we experienced that same taste.

If the combination wasn't related to a particularly bad memory and was just the flavor combination Joseph preferred, then his reaction to tasting it is an unfortunate sign. A favorite flavor of food is a positive memory after all. If even positive memories associated with being Joseph cause such a trauma response, then anything that reminds Jack that he was ever Joseph is going to cause a similar reaction, with negative memories resulting in a far worse reaction.

I have a feeling that Jack has associated any sort of positive quality or desire he was capable of seeing in himself as Joseph as being part of the character of Sunny Day Jack. All the negative qualities then get attributed to Joseph. That is probably why remembering being Joseph is so horrifying to Jack. He's clean now. He's Sunny Day Jack, the beloved teacher and star of the SunnyTime Crew Show. Everyone loved him, unlike Joseph...

As an actor, Joseph would've studied his character. Given how Lambswork Productions was pretty rigid about him staying in character during interviews, I suspect that he had to know the character of Sunny Day Jack inside and out - all of the lore including his likes and dislikes.

Now, there would be gaps to this lore. Not every single detail about a character would be given. Actors are expected to bring a piece of themselves into the character to bring them to life. These gaps are where the positive traits about Joseph would go. As long as it doesn't contradict Sunny Day Jack lore, then he could justify it.

For example, ask Sunny Day Jack what his favorite food is, he'll say apples. Joseph, as Jack, better talk about the wonders and health benefits of apples if asked in an interview because that's in character. It doesn't matter if, say, Joseph can't stand apples - that's canon for Sunny Day Jack, so Jack loves apples.

Not that I'm saying that Joseph doesn't like apples of course. That isn't something we know for sure, but I've been thinking about that patreon interview with Jack and the answers he gave in this light lately, as well as the things he says in Sleepy Time Jack.

In a way, Jack has created this headcanon for who Sunny Day Jack is and adapted that persona, rather than whatever was written in the character bible for the show and the rules the studio strictly enforced. That's why we have some contradictions like his sex drive, when a character from a show aimed at little kids in the 80's wouldn't have one. A sex drive isn't something inherently negative, and Jack would know that, but it's not something that could ever be acknowledged publicly due to studio mandate and strict censorship laws when it comes to children's entertainment. Since sexuality is a positive thing, and since Jack experiences sexual attraction, he can come up with a justification for why it's okay that he has it to resolve the cognitive dissonance.

I think that anything positive from his memories that doesn't explicitly bring Jack back to moments where he was Joseph, without a way to deny that fact, will be attributed to Jack. He could even paint over those memories to "remember" them as if he was Jack when he did them if they're not particularly vivid. In a sense, he's gaslighting himself to remember things differently than they actually were.

The human mind is a funny thing. We have the capability of inventing memories that didn't really happen, and altering details in our memories. That's why millions of people remember going to Woodstock after hearing about it even though it's literally impossible for that many people to have gone.

As for specific things Jack would remember positively from his time as Joseph... While we don't know much canonically right now about his likes and dislikes as Joseph, he seems to have enjoyed roller skating, according to this art Sauce drew and posted on their old twitter. Jack seems to still enjoy it in the present day.

Credit as always to Sauce, as well as a reminder to not repost anything posted privately on the Snaccpop Studios patreon.

Now, while development art like this can't be counted as canon until it appears on an official site like the SDJ tumblr or twitter, I can say as an 80's baby that back then skating was everywhere. All the kids did it and almost universally loved it, even if they sucked at it, myself included. I'm totally on board with headcanoning Jack with a love of skating.

I don't think skating brings Jack back to any one specific memory as Joseph like the yogurt flavor combination did. After all, Jack can eat rum syrup, coffee yogurt, and cashews by themselves or two of them together without much of a hassle. It's only that specific combination that I believe sparks a distinct memory where he is unquestionably Joseph. Since the skating doesn't bring him back to a specific vivid memory, he could mentally attribute his love of skating to Jack.

Why, Sunny Day Jack loves to skate! He skated all the time in CloudyTown.

What? There weren't any episodes where Jack skated? Oh, uh... he skated for live shows, yeah! And surely he skated in CloudyTown even if it wasn't in an episode. Not everything showed up in episodes, silly! CloudyTown was a real place where he lived as a real person. Where else would he, Sunny Day Jack, live otherwise?

Ultimately, while I don't think Jack ever directly tells lies to MC, that doesn't mean that he's necessarily telling the truth either. In many ways, Jack is an unreliable narrator. He believes in the lie that he's the character of Sunny Day Jack to the point that it has become his truth.

I think Jack needs time and a lot of positive association with stuff he enjoyed as Joseph that Sunny Day Jack didn't necessarily do to be a bit less defensive about ever being Joseph. In his eyes, Sunny Day Jack is superior to others, which includes his past self as Joseph.

In the "no" route he specifically sees MC's rejection of him as a boyfriend as a failing on his part. He thought he was doing everything right. He resolves himself to do better, to be better. He's desperate to be that ideal that he sees the character of Sunny Day Jack to be.

If Jack is able to see that he doesn't need to be as "perfect" as Sunny Day Jack to be loved and accepted, then I think he'll slowly start to accept the flawed person he truly is. Then and only then will he be able to accept Joseph, even if he won't necessarily choose to go by that name ever again. Maybe he's not that person anymore, and maybe he's grown to be a better person now, but he doesn't have to be ashamed that he used to be that person either.

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur

[kovajean]

As someone whose favorite movie (second only to Whiplash) is Karate Kid III, I’ll never understand people that think it’s a bad movie.

Although my reasons aren’t entirely objective, it’s still worth writing about. It’s crazy how nearly tailor-made this movie is for me.

&

The over the top villains in Mike and Silver are perfect, because they have hardly any motive. I love simple shit like that.

Why is Silver doing this? Because his best friend was embarrassed. Why is he doing it in this way? Because he’s evil. Why is he evil? Because he is. Let’s also not forget the fact that he’s a corrupt oil barren. That shit’s hilarious. He’s also hot as fuck and I, as a gay man, am allowed that as a reason.

Why is Mike doing this? Money. Why is he doing it this way? Because he likes beating people up. Why does he like beating people up? Because he does. Who cares that there’s no deeper meaning behind it? I certainly don’t. I like when villains are bad because they like to be. I don’t want anything different. And I especially love that Cobra Kai didn’t retcon his insanity, like they’ve retconned other people’s wrongdoings...

&

The dialogue is both great and fucking awful at the same time. Here are some of my favorite lines from the movie:

“They made you suffer, so I’m gonna make them suffer—and suffer, and suffer, and when I think they’ve suffered enough, then I start with the pain.” (This line fucking SUCKS LOL)

“When I'm finished with that kid, he'll be begging me to be his teacher. And you know what he's gonna learn from me? Pain. In every part of his body. And fear—in every part of his mind. And here's the kicker: He's gonna thank me for it.” (This is probably my favorite line ever from any movie. It’s so good. The first time I showed this movie to my ex-boyfriend he would quote this shit at me every single day.)

“Johnny, by the time that little twerp steps into the ring to defend his title, I’m gonna have him thinking he’s invincible. Then he’s gonna find out what pain and fear really mean. Right in front of a thousand people.” (This line gives me chills. So good. Would be better if he used something less Disney bully than “twerp”, though.)

“It’s okay to lose to an opponent—Must not lose to fear!” (This along with the majority of Miyagi’s lines are great. I don’t need to go through them all. This is just my favorite one.)

The thing about these movies is that each one has varying levels of dialogue quality. KK1’s dialogue is fucking awful. But at least some of the lines are funny enough to laugh at. There are some good lines in there, but that’s just it. Good lines. Not memorable. Same thing with KK2. The dialogue in that movie is just good. That’s all. I can’t recite a single line from that movie. Because the lines aren’t memorable. Except for, of course, “honk”. Do not get me wrong though. I'm not saying this movie is the best Karate Kid movie. No way. It's just my favorite, and it's not as bad as people make it out to be.

&

The score had me looping it for 3 months straight. I'm not even hyperbolizing here. The whole of it is just wonderful. The reused and remixed songs like Kata Training are great. But when I get to Silver’s theme, that’s a whole different thing. Listen to this shit:

How is this real? I’m a huge classical music fan, and I could not stop playing this song over and over and over again. Listen to this one:

Did you know that this song wasn’t even used in the movie? This is an alternate version of Terry’s Next Move, which plays over the Kreese and Silver phone call as well as the Mike Barnes Magazine Car Ride. The one they went with certainly works better for the scene, but I love, love, love this one. So much more. 

I never thought I’d be hooked on a series of songs from a Karate Kid movie composed by the same guy who did Rocky, but here I am. 6 months strong, too. I was in a high school theater production when I watched this movie for the first time, and every free moment I had backstage was spent looping each piece with any bit of Terry’s theme in it (such as Terry Silver, Terry’s Next Move, Terry Sneaks In, and Daniel Submits. I also had Terry Owns Daniel on loop occasionally, but that song doesn’t have any real instances of Terry’s theme in it–it just sounds similar. And yes, these are the official names of the songs in case you weren’t aware.) I also listened to these songs on loop while doing an art class project (which was of, you guessed it, Karate Kid characters).

&

I love Daniel in this movie. Love him. More so than any of the other movies. He’s exponentially sillier, he becomes best friends with a girl instead of dating her, he demonstrates color theory, and his irritability and sass are on full display. I also like that he's not super skinny anymore, and that he actually looks his age. (My love for him may also be aided by the fact that I relate most to his personality and appearance in accordance with this movie versus the first two).

I LOVE JESSICA! You will never meet a bigger Jessica fan than me. I love her so, so dearly.

She brings out the good in Daniel.

She shows us that Daniel is good with rejection. When she tells him she has a boyfriend, his opinion of her stays the exact same. He doesn’t push her. He lets it go, and they immediately become best friends. All because she told him that she hadn’t made any friends yet.

I like that Daniel is protective of her despite the fact that they’re not dating. He really cares about her, and he doesn’t expect anything in return. He’s not spoiled. But I also like that Jessica gets mad at him, because he went way too far. She doesn’t let him get away with it or treat him like a hero. She gets upset. Because Daniel just assaulted someone who hadn’t done anything deserving of violence (yet). And when she leaves, Daniel recognizes his mistake. He recognizes all of his mistakes. All because of Jessica. I can promise you, had she reacted positively, the movie would have ended differently. She was the step he needed to snap out of his power trip. And I love her for it.

She also trains with Daniel! None of his love interests did that!

I’m saving the color theory section for a separate post where I will go over every Daniel outfit and what they mean for the scene because I have the free time to do so and dammit I’m not hyper fixated on Karate Kid III enough already so I might as well let myself get worse. You feel me?

Despite the fact that Daniel's clearly nervous around Silver, he’s still a piece of shit during their training sessions. I respect that. He’s also incredibly snappy towards Mike and his gang even though he knows he shouldn’t be. His morals are also on full display if you think about it. He’s mean to mean people, even if being nice to them will work out better in the long run. Because he refuses to be nice to people who don’t deserve it. As well as vice versa. Except for when he snaps at Miyagi. Hmm, I wonder why he does this? Perhaps, is it maybe, the fact that he’s being manipulated to use anger as a coping mechanism?

People go on and on about how whiny Daniel is in this movie, but they don’t seem to consider why.

Daniel is assaulted over and over again by Mike and his gang, and his new best friend gets roped into it. He stores this anger because he has nowhere else to put it. Then he meets Silver, someone who gives him an outlet for it. He finally has something to do with this pent-up rage, until he’s given mixed signals by the people around him when he uses this newfound coping skill. Miyagi gets upset, Silver praises him, Jessica leaves him. How is he supposed to know what to do? Of course he has a mental break. He rants to Jessica about it, then to Miyagi, and he thinks he has his problems fixed. Then, to make matters worse, he finds out that Silver was tricking him the whole time. Now he has to relearn Miyagi-Do. That fucking sucks. I’d go crazy too. This, along with the fact that he wanted to compete in the All-Valley so badly that he brought it up to Miyagi on multiple occasions, was shot down every time, finally gave up, and then was forced to care again? AND Miyagi refuses to train him even though it’s hardly his decision anymore? How Daniel kept going in this movie is beyond me. He’s not whiny, he’s livid. He can’t catch a fucking break.

I’d say his anger is accumulated throughout the movies. This one year has been more eventful than the rest of his life was prior. Everyone he meets seems to want his head on a stake and there’s literally nothing he can do about it. He just wants to be a normal guy, and no one will let him.

He’s also certainly not weaker in this movie in comparison to the second. He’s been broken down by everyone trying to fight him and he’s at a point where he’s trying not to care. He’s trying so hard, but when Mike shows up it’s difficult for him to keep pretending. The fact that Daniel loses to him is meant to show you that Mike is strong, not that Daniel is weak. Anyone that can defeat Daniel after Daniel’s torment in KK2 deserves to be feared. And don’t forget that Mike had the ability to kill Daniel in the bonsai scene. The only reason he’s less threatening than Chozen is because his acting is bad.

If you want to argue that he’s weak throughout the entire movie, then you’d be half correct, I guess? He’s a different sort of strong for the last half of the movie. This is because Silver teaches him different moves. Daniel stops using what he used to know (the style of Karate that we’ve seen him use up until this point), and is now using exclusively this new style. And when you consider that this new style only has 3 different moves, of course he’s going to look weaker. The All-Valley scene Daniel also isn’t weaker if that’s your argument, because there is genuinely no other way he could have beaten Mike than with Kata. Mike is immune to Miyagi-Do. That’s why Daniel never beat him in any of the scenes leading up to the All-Valley. Daniel is also overcome with fear thanks to Silver. The ineffectiveness of Miyagi-Do on Mike and the lasting fear of the manipulation he dealt with is not a good combination. He beat Mike with Kata because he caught Mike completely off guard. That’s how you beat him. We know that’s how you beat him because it’s the first time we see him genuinely lose, other than when he lost to Miyagi multiple times, which is another instance of Mike being caught off guard and losing, because why would he expect an old man to be that good at Karate (and also, it’s Miyagi, of course he’s gonna lose to Miyagi. He’s not comparable to Daniel). Can you assume that Silver told Mike to be wary of Miyagi? He’d never seen the guy fight.

&

Anyways this movie has been on repeat in my brain since March and nothing I can do can stop it so why not indulge in it, huh? Just a look into my dark and twisted mind

[pickalilywrites]

Lily, would you write some pokopiku? 🥹

anon, i will always write some pkpk!

breaking free

pokopiku. high school musical au. 3984 words.

Soaring, flying

There’s not a star in heaven that we can’t reach 

Porco can only recall those two lines, but the rest of the muddled melody plays in his mind for days on end. Sometimes he doesn’t know if he’s imagining it or if it’s just Pieck humming it beside him. When he’s lost in a daze, that song playing in the background of his mind, he’ll startle from his daydream and turn expecting to see her by his side only to realize that it was all in his head the entire time.  

He doesn’t hate music. In fact, he actually kind of likes it. He might not go out of his way to attend concerts or buy musical tickets. Hell, he hasn’t even paid attention to any of the low-budget productions that his school puts on every semester until recently. He just likes to strum the lonely guitar sitting in his living room every once in a while, and he admittedly doesn’t mind hearing Pieck humming beside him when they should be focusing on their chemistry experiment. It’s just that he has other things he should be thinking about: how to improve his free throws, the upcoming basketball game with Shiganshina High, and the basketball championship that his team is set on winning. He has no time for songs or dances no matter how many fliers Pieck shoves under his nose.  

He finds it curious that she’s even interested in the school’s upcoming musical, although she’s never been normal in the first place. She had transferred here a month into the new school year. The teachers adored her for her intelligence and her willingness to participate in class. Her academic credentials were undoubtedly impressive: a straight A student with a dozen math and science championship titles under her belt. She would, of course, be representing Liberio High in the International Math Olympiad with all the other math whizzes in their school. She fit quite neatly into her niche of smart, intellectual students destined to graduate one year early and attend an Ivy League just as Porco fit neatly into his own niche of big, burly athletes that were aiming to attend a top-rated sports university on an athletic scholarship. 

Porco is putting his books away in his locker when someone slams it shut, making him jump.  

“Jesus, Pieck!” he yelps. He can feel his heart pounding in his chest. “What the fuck? You could have slammed my fingers in there.”  

“Oh, please. I wouldn’t have done that to the school’s basketball star shooting guard,” Pieck says with a crooked smile. She leans against his locker, her head resting against the cool metal door. “I made sure your precious fingers were out of the way before I closed the locker door.”  

“I’m the point guard,” Porco says even though he’s had to correct Pieck on his position on the basketball team multiple times at this point. He has a feeling she purposely gets it wrong just to annoy him. He can feel the tips of his ears begin to sting, although he doesn’t quite know why. “What do you want anyway? You don’t have to keep reminding me to write my lab report. They’re individual anyway.” 

“Aw, you’re so grown up now,” Pieck coos, and Porco wants to cover his ears before they turn completely red but he resists the urge and keeps his hands at his side. “No, that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about. I just wanted to tell you that I signed you up for the upcoming school musical. The auditions are tomorrow.”  

Porco straightens up in alarm. He would think this were a joke, but he wouldn’t put it past Pieck to scrawl his name down on the audition list for real. She had been talking about it for the past few weeks when auditions were first announced, but he didn’t think she would actually do it. She had math competitions to study for and he had his basketball games. With all the time they put in their current extracurriculars, he didn’t know how they would even have the time to prepare for a musical on the slim chance they managed to pass auditions.  

“You’re joking, right?” he asks, but he feels as if he already knows the answer to that question when he sees the way Pieck’s smile never breaks. He runs a hand through his hair and curses when he sees the grease that covers his fingers from his hair gel. He glares at Pieck as if this is her fault, but she doesn’t seem deterred. “Pieck, I’m not a musical guy. It’s fine if you want to juggle all of these different things — math whiz, science nerd, theater geek — but I have my hands full as it is being -”  

“- a jock?” Pieck finishes for him, eye brow raised. She rolls her eyes, a laugh escaping her lips. For some reason, Porco is beginning to feel ashamed. Pieck pushes herself off Porco’s locker. Her smile is a little less relaxed now, stretched into a thin, tight line. “Come on, Porco. You can’t seriously subscribe to the strict status quo that all your classmates do. It’s all made up by teenagers, for God’s sake. You must want more in life than being shoved into a shoebox labeled ‘high school basketball star.’”  

“Well, maybe I like being a high school basketball star. Maybe you’re dissatisfied with being good at one thing, but I’m perfectly happy with it,” Porco snaps. He hikes the strap of his backpack up his shoulder and looks down at Pieck, but the frown that has replaced her smile doesn’t make him feel very good about defending himself.  

Pieck purses her lips and looks as if she’s about to turn away, but she opens her mouth instead. “You know, I signed you up because I thought it would be fun, and also because I thought you would be good at it.” She looks down at the tiles on the hallway floor, reaching up to brush a lock of hair behind her ear. "I hear you singing sometimes, and I think it’s amazing. You probably don’t even realize it, but you were singing just a few minutes earlier. It was under your breath, but I heard you.”  

Porco’s cheeks begin to flush and he wants to deny it, but he knows that what Pieck says is true. He’s been singing the song for the audition piece because it plays in his head on repeat. He wants to snap at Pieck again and blame her for getting the song stuck in his head in the first place, but he knows that there isn’t any point. She isn’t saying anything hurtful, just pointing something out what he’s been trying to ignore for years: he enjoys music. If it wasn’t the song for the musical, it would be some other song that he’d be singing under his breath. Even if he’d never admit it out loud, he has thought about what it would feel like to be standing underneath a spotlight on a stage instead of a basketball court.  

“It’s okay if you just want to play basketball, but … I don’t think it’s bad to like other things either,” Pieck says. She raises her brown eyes to meet his hazel ones. One hand reaches out, and Pieck’s fingertips graze Porco’s arm. “We’re too young to be playing personas that other people have written for us. We should be figuring out who we are on our own terms without minding what other people might think of us.”  

Pieck squeezes his arm and Porco watches as she leaves. A few people glance in Pieck’s direction. She’s been a spectacle at their school ever since she had transferred here, and people weren’t used to seeing someone who was on the math team speak with a member of the basketball team. Now that Porco thinks about it, he doesn’t know why that would be enough reason for people to stop and stare. People should be allowed to associate with whoever they like regardless of what clubs they’re in or sports they play. He knows it’s ridiculous, but he still feels embarrassed anyway and pulls up the collar of his bomber jacket and skulks away as if he’s done something shameful. 

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ 

“Are you auditioning for the musical or something?”  

Porco has never particularly liked Reiner Braun, but the power forward’s voice is especially grating today. After his conversation with Pieck earlier this morning, Porco finds he’s especially irritable, but he doesn’t want to take it out on anyone recklessly so he grits his teeth and asks, “What are you talking about?”  

A panic seizes his chest and he can feel his heart rate pick up. Paranoia begins to pick away at Porco, whispering in his ear. Reiner Braun must have seen you talking with Pieck. He must know that you’ve been thinking about what Pieck had said. He must have seen your name on the audition list. Porco doesn’t know why the thought of Reiner knowing about his conversation with Pieck bothers him so much, but he tries to play it nonchalant despite the clamminess in his hands. He shoots a ball at the hoop in front of him and misses terribly.  

Reiner, always happy to see Porco failing, grins when he sees Porco’s missed shot. He turns back to Porco, a knowing smile on his face. “Come on, everyone’s heard you singing the audition song in the locker room. Even if you’re singing it under your breath, we can all hear you. You’re not seriously thinking of auditioning, are you?”  

Last year, Porco would have scoffed and told Reiner he was stupid for even entertaining the thought. A basketball player didn’t have any place in the school musical. People at this school adhere so much to their little stereotyped boxes that Porco never would have considered auditioning for the school musical until Pieck had waltzed in and started singing that damn song. Now is his chance to deny it, but he doesn’t want to. All he can think about instead is how annoying it is to have Reiner’s judgmental sneer in his face and how there isn’t any harm in just auditioning for a dumb school play.  

“I don’t really see how that’s any of your business,” Porco finds himself saying instead and Reiner steps back, startled at his teammate’s answer.  

“Well, it kind of is my business. It’s everyone’s business. You can’t be making these types of decisions by yourself,” Reiner begins, and already Porco finds his temper rising. Reiner continues, not noticing the way Porco’s grip on the basketball tighten. “You’re part of a basketball team, and a pretty important part of the team, and it’s everyone’s job to get to the championship. If you’re taking time to sing and dance on stage for a stupid school play, you might cost us first place. We haven’t lost first place in years. The whole school is counting on us.”  

“I didn’t ask for this responsibility!” Porco snaps. Why should an entire championship hinge on the shoulders of a teenage boy? Why shouldn’t he be able to do a silly little play even if his talents might lie elsewhere? Why can’t he just do things he enjoys without everyone having a say in what he should and shouldn’t do?  

Reiner’s smile falters and his brow furrows. “You’ve been awfully strange lately. Basketball used to be the only thing you cared about. The rest of the team has been concerned, too. ” The corner of Reiner’s lip twitches in a knowing smile. “I know you’ve been getting closer to Pieck, but I don’t think you should hang out with her anymore. You only started acting weird after meeting her.”  

Porco’s patience was already wearing thin. At the mention of Pieck’s name — with the implication that Pieck was the reason for his declining performance in basketball practice — his patience snaps entirely, but rather than throwing a fist or hurling insults at his teammate, Porco simply asks Reiner, “Why are you dating Historia?” 

Reiner’s smile falters once more, caught off guard by Porco’s question. “Why are you asking -”  

“Why do you like Historia?” Porco interrupts.  

Reiner’s brow furrows and he shrinks down, his shoulders hunching over. It’s a stark contrast to the way he typically holds himself: confident, brash, bold. Now, he seems uncertain as he fumbles for an answer. “She’s the head cheerleader. Why wouldn’t I like her?” Reiner replies, but his smile is too shaky for his response to be one hundred percent truthful.  

“So if she weren’t the head cheerleader, you wouldn’t even give her a second glance?” Porco asks.  

“Why are you asking me this?” Reiner asks. His cheeks are turning red as he becomes more and more flustered. He pulls at the collar of his jersey, fanning himself, and turns his face away from Porco. “Look, I like Historia. Doesn’t it just make sense that we’d be together? I’m the power forward on the basketball team. She’s the head cheerleader. We complement each other.”  

“Do you, though?” Porco steps forward, challenging Reiner. Reiner had outgrown him years ago, gaining several inches in height as everyone was going through their growth spurts. Porco could never keep up with him in height, but now he feels like he’s like he’s the one towering over Reiner as the power forward continues to shrink down with doubt. “Forget about whatever cliques or extracurricular groups we’re in for a second. Do you like her? Do you like being with her? What do you two even talk about?”  

Porco feels like he knows the answers to all those questions, and he asks them anyway. Two months ago, Reiner and Historia had never even spoken a word to each other. It was only when Pieck had transferred here that they began talking. When Pieck was about to be seated in the back, Reiner raised his hand and volunteered to give up his seat in the second row for her so that Pieck would be able to see better. He sat next to Historia and, although the cheerleader seemed disinterested at first, the two eventually went out, but Porco always felt strange about their relationship. They didn’t seem affectionate except for the occasional chaste kiss on the cheek at basketball games. When they hung out at parties, Historia was always tapping away at her phone. Reiner talked to his friends on the basketball court than he talked to Historia. They are the biggest couple on campus, but they don’t seem to like each other very much.  

Reiner must know that, too, because his face begins to contort in confusion and then in anger. “What’s your fucking problem, Galliard?”  

“What’s your problem?” Porco asks. “What makes you think you have the right to criticize my relationship with Pieck when your relationship with Historia seems so vapid in comparison? Woohoo, hot basketball star with the head cheerleader, but you guys don’t even talk to each other unless people are watching you. You have a deeper relationship with Bertholdt than Historia.” 

Something about what Porco says angers Reiner even more. In his anger, Reiner grabs the basketball from Porco only to throw it angrily back at him. He throws it with such force that Porco has to stumble backward when he catches it. The basketball feels like a punch to the gut.  

“Fuck you,” Reiner snarls, and he turns and stalks off but not in time to hide the slight trembling of his voice.  

Porco can feel his blood pumping, thrumming in his ears. He grips the basketball tightly between his hands and turns towards the hoop. He’s standing at the free throw line, but the hoop somehow feels further than it normally is. He prepares himself to take a shot, bending down slightly to aim. He flings the ball forward and misses entirely. It isn’t even close.  

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ 

For all his brave words to Reiner and challenging who they should and shouldn’t be associating with, Porco doesn’t make any further moves to rock the boat. He wants to avoid the curious glances from his classmates and judgmental stares from his peers. He keeps his lips pressed tightly together. He doesn’t even dare to hum the song under his breath for fear of being overheard. He doesn’t want anyone — any innocent classmates passing by, Pieck, or even himself — to get the wrong idea.  

Still, he finds the flyer being slipped over his desk every day leading up to the audition. Pieck doesn’t say much when she sends the flyer in his direction. She slips it to him wordlessly every morning before their chemistry lecture starts and then ignores him for the rest of the class unless they have to discuss the reading together or work on an experiment. She’s not her usual bubbly self even when he’s kinder to her than usual, asking her mundane questions about her day or classes that he normally wouldn’t. He’s grateful for her curt answers no matter how short because at least that means he gets to hear his voice. He wonders if he should apologize, but he doesn’t know what for exactly. He’s never really been the best at apologies in the first place.  

At the end of each chemistry class, she taps again at the flyer. She raises her eyes towards his face but never quite meets his eyes. Quietly, she always says, “The audition is soon. It would be good if you could make it.”  

He always makes up the same excuse. His words always ring hollow in his ears. He wonders if Pieck hears it, too, the hesitancy in his voice when he says he can’t audition because he doesn’t know the words and he doesn’t have the time to rehearse because he has basketball practice. The truth is that he knows every single line, he’s memorized it and hears her sing every word in his head every second of every day. He knows the song by heart and he can envision himself singing it alongside her, his voice harmonizing with hers as they stand underneath the spotlight. Even thinking about it is thrilling. It makes his heart beat faster than any basketball game ever did, but it’s not something he’s willing to ever admit so he ignores the pounding in his chest and tells Pieck there’s no way he could ever audition. He isn’t meant for it. She should go audition for it if it’s something she really wants to do, but she shouldn’t count on him to show up.  

“I think you’d do great,” Pieck says on the day of the audition. Her finger is pointed towards the flyer once more, tapping on the date which is circled in red pen in case Porco misses it. She finally meets his gaze today, and she looks almost hopeful even though he’s tried to crush any hopes she had every other day.  

“I have practice,” Porco mumbles, and he doesn’t even take the flyer this time. He leaves it on his desk and grabs his backpack instead, hustling out of the room as fast as he can so he can avoid Pieck’s disappointed gaze.  

He hurries off to practice, but it feels like he’s running away from something. Even once he’s changed into his jersey and running on the court with his teammates, he can’t stop thinking of how he had left Pieck standing alone at their desk. He had never promised her anything, and yet it feels as if he’s abandoned her. His mind is filled with her — her lonely silhouette standing underneath the bright stage lights, her disappointed expression every time he turned her down, her voice echoing across the empty auditorium. He doesn’t hear the voice of his coach yelling at him or his teammates shouting at him when they tell him to pass the ball. All he can hear is that song again, the song that he would have sang if he went to the audition.  

“What’s wrong with you?” his coach shouts before pulling him out of practice to sit on the bench.  

Porco wishes he could answer, but it’s too complex to give a straight answer so he sits on the cold, metal bench and stares at his shoes. Every so often, he glances at the clock on the wall and grows more anxious with every minute that passes. It’s almost four o’clock. That’s when the auditions are meant to conclude. Had Pieck already gone? Had she auditioned by herself, singing that song that was meant to be a duet? Had she gone on without him, doing something he was too afraid to do himself?  

He tastes blood on his tongue and jerks his head back in surprise. He hadn’t even noticed he had started chewing on his thumb nail. He bit too close to the quick and now his thumb is bleeding. He staunches the blood by pressing it against the hem of his shorts, but the material does little to stop the bleeding. He curses and looks back up at the clock. How can move so agonizingly slow and so fast at the same time?  

Without warning, he stands up and begins to run toward the gym entrance. 

“Galliard!” the coach shouts. “Where the fuck are you going?”  

Where I should have been all along, Porco thinks, but he doesn’t say it out loud. He has more important things to do.  

He stumbles through the back of the auditorium and he can see other people who have just finished auditioning looking at him quizzically. They’re people he can’t recognize, part of the theater geek circle that he doesn’t associate with. They’re probably wondering why he’s there at all, and Porco would wonder the same thing if he couldn’t hear Pieck’s voice ringing through the theater. 

He creeps through the backstage towards the sound of Pieck’s voice, clear as crystal as she sings half a duet. It sounds empty without the other person singing the other half, but she keeps her voice steady as she sings, undeterred that she’s singing alone.  

Porco finally reaches the curtain and pushes it back slightly to catch a glimpse of Pieck. Her back is turned towards him and she faces the drama instructor, her voice never wavering even under the director’s stern gaze. She only has the piano to accompany her, but she sings confidently. Her voice fills the entire theater and Porco can hear it, the missing half of the song. He doesn’t realize that he’s singing along with her, that it’s not his imagination that’s filling in the gap but his own voice, until Pieck turns toward him. 

She doesn’t look angry at him or even surprised. Her lips turn upward as she sings and she gestures for him to step forward, to join her onstage, and he takes her invitation, never missing a beat even when he feels the heat of the spotlight on his skin. 

“We’re soaring, flying,” Porco sings, his voice mingling with Pieck’s. He thought his legs would shake as soon as he stepped on stage, but he feels at ease by her side. “There’s not a star in heaven we can’t reach.”  

His eyes meet Pieck’s and he can feel his own lips stretch into a smile even as he sings. He’s not sure if he’s meant to be on stage. He doesn’t know if he’ll even make it past this audition, but he knows that this feels thrilling, like he’s broken chains that he didn’t know were shackled to him. He feels like he’s finally free.  

[tinkerbclla]

Eddie Munson made it.

He did everything that his teachers had always told him that he wouldn’t. It was always “You’ll never make anything of your life if you don’t buck your ideas up!” and “Making music is such a longshot, do you have a backup plan?” and “Edward Munson if you don’t shut your mouth this second –” 

Eddie Munson didn’t shut up. And now, he was a star.

His first EP ‘The Upside Down’ had been an instant hit. ‘Vecna’s Curse’ made it to number one on the rock charts and stayed there for three consecutive weeks. He’d had two successful albums since, been nominated for countless awards and even won a few.

But he wasn’t happy.

Eddie Munson was bored.

Well and truly bored.

He filled the days however he could. His music wasn’t fulfilling any more. It was bland and repetitive and he hadn’t been inspired for a while now. He was writing, sure. He was writing more than anything. He’d filled two notebooks in the last week alone. Then he flipped through them and ripped out every single page. 

“It’s all drivel!” he complained to Gareth one day. “I’ve lost my touch! My edge! It’s gone forever!”

He’d met Gareth in high school. They were the best of friends, really. They’d formed a band together and they stayed together until Gareth went off to college to study music production. He emerged a new man and Eddie –

Eddie had still been playing for the same five drunks in the same dingy bars.

So Gareth had taken him under his wing. Gareth had a good knowledge of music production now and he became Eddie’s manager. He was signed to a label within six months.

It had all moved rather fast from there. Eddie had lost track of the time. It melted away, sped past him like the stars in the window of the Millenium Falcon as it shifted into hyperspeed. He’d been on every continent, played most major cities, sold out arenas that held more people than lived in his hometown.

And he was so fucking bored.

That’s how he found himself with – Jace? Kyle? Marc? 

He didn’t know. He wasn’t going to see him again, so it didn’t matter. For now he would call him sweetheart and hope for the best. He couldn’t complain much from his position, with Eddie’s cock sliding further down his throat.

“Just like that, baby,” Eddie crooned. “You take it so well.”

There was a muffled cry beneath him that sent vibrations up his shaft to pool in his gut. 

Eddie fucked into him harder, trusting his partner for the night to tap out if he needed. Eddie was a rockstar, he could take, take, take what he wanted. He gripped onto the blonde locks in front of him as his knees started to wobble. He wished he could give the other guy some credit, but Eddie was doing all of the fucking work. 

Eddie drew himself out of his partner’s mouth. He was even bored doing this, and god, wasn’t that just the most depressing thing?

“Lie down on the bed for me, sweetheart,” Eddie tried with all his might to inject some interest in his voice. “Let me fuck you.”

The blonde nodded at him dumbly, looking fucked out and lovestruck despite Eddie’s apathy. 

Eddie watched him for a moment, before retrieving a condom and some lube from his nightstand and finishing what he’d started.

*

If Eddie sat and thought about it, he realised that he spent too much of his time thinking about love. It was always something that had been so out of reach. 

When he was young – really young – he spent a lot of his time vying for the love of his parents. He acted out, mostly. Got scrapes and bumps and bruises on purpose, because he’d seen how his friends’ mothers fawned over them when they were hurt. His parents were too lost to fawn over him. Eddie being hurt was nothing more than a nuisance. He stopped showing them the scrapes.

When he first moved in with Wayne, the uncle who had always seemed so distant before, whom he barely knew, he turned away from the love. Wayne was determined to cook him a decent meal every night, so Eddie complained that he wanted take-out. Wayne bought him clothes to replace the ones that were becoming threadbare, so Eddie screamed when he realised his favourite t-shirt was gone. He pushed Wayne’s love away until Wayne came home with a gift. He pressed the fabric into Eddie’s hands wordlessly and Eddie scoffed in the way he was wont to in those days. 

And then he saw it.

Wayne had located an exact copy of the old Judas Priest shirt that he’d thrown out because it had a hole in the armpit. It looked brand new. It knocked the wind out of Eddie, he was totally in awe of Wayne from that moment. It was the most unambiguous sign of familial love he’d ever been shown. He stopped pushing his uncle away after that. He accepted the love.

The thing about love was that, as soon as Eddie had a taste, he wanted more.

He watched as his friends got girlfriend after girlfriend in middle and high school. He wanted what they had; he wanted soft hugs and gentle kisses on blushing cheeks. He craved affection more than he’d ever craved anything. 

He didn’t get it.

One day in high school, some of the guys on the football team had gotten hold of the information that Carter Anderson was gay. He’d been spotted holding hands with his secret boyfriend under the bleachers, totally innocent shit, but he was immediately ostracised. He was either sneered at or avoided completely. Eddie didn’t know which was worse. 

He’d wanted to comfort Carter, but he couldn’t have anyone know that he was the same. He was already a freak, Eddie didn’t think he could handle being the gay freak. 

He’d come out eventually, once high school was over and he was no longer bound by a hierarchy that was controlled by meaningless things like who had the most money, or who was able to catch a ball accurately. He’d even had a couple of relationships that went nowhere. 

He still craved something real, something permanent. 

It seemed impossible to find, especially as a famous musician. People wanted fame and people wanted money. It didn’t matter much to them how they got it.

The thought crossed his mind again when he was in a meeting about his upcoming tour. He’d chewed on a pencil until the yellow paint had chipped off and he’d most likely swallowed some of it, while the tour manager droned on about their schedule and the record label representative chimed in with the demand that Eddie keep working on his new album while he’s on the road. They kept talking until it was all static and Eddie’s mind drifted to love. Or his lack of love, to be more accurate.

It made him laugh to think of how he’d changed since the start of his career. A meeting like this used to hold his attention. It was new and exciting; he was getting to share his love with the world. But he hadn’t felt the love in his music for the past two albums now. He was surprised that his fans hadn’t noticed, yet he seemed to be as popular as ever. More popular, even. He was selling more than ever.

And he hated it. None of it felt authentic. None of it felt like love.

Eddie let out a sharp gasp of pain as Gareth elbowed him in the ribs, bringing him back into the room.

“Oh, uh –” Eddie scanned the room quickly in an attempt to figure out what had been asked of him. “Sorry, run that by me again?”

The executive in front of him rolled his eyes, obviously growing tired of the meeting and Eddie’s habit of daydreaming, “The tour schedule was confirmed by your manager, Mr Emerson, we just need a signature.”

“Right,” Eddie nodded, dragging the paper over to him. “Sure.”

Eddie wished he’d listened to at least some of the plan for his tour, but he couldn’t help it. The whole thing made him feel listless. Miserable. Apathetic. He’d ask Gareth for the details later, but honestly?

Eddie Munson wanted a fucking break.

He wanted to find the love in his music again, and he couldn’t do that while playing the same songs that had made him lose it. 

Eddie signed his life away and left the meeting without another word.

*

It was a dumb idea. It was reckless and stupid. Eddie knew that, but it wasn’t like he had any better ideas. Eddie sat at his desk and stared at the laptop screen in front of him. It was probably the only time he’d actually used the piece of furniture for more than just storage space for a thick layer of dust. He’d had to wipe it down thoroughly before he even thought about putting his laptop on it. The desk had sat in the corner of his music room unused; both Wayne and Gareth had insisted that he should have a desk to work at, but Eddie had written most of his songs either on the couch on the opposite side of the room or sprawled across the floor. A desk wasn’t exactly in tune with his creative vision. 

He wasn’t writing now, though, he was researching, and that was a task suited to the rigid conformity of a desk. Eddie opened up a browser window with a swift click and began to type.

How to stop hating mys–

No. He erased the words before he’d even finished writing them. They sounded too pathetic, but so did every other combination of words that ran through his head.

But how could he make them sound less pathetic? There was no admirable way to admit that you felt as though you were drowning in everything that had once been your dream.

How to feel less lost

That search was a dud. Eddie was willing to accept a lot of advice, but “accept that it’s okay to feel lost” was probably the most useless advice he’d been given in a while. He was past acceptance. He wanted change. Needed it with every fibre of his being.

He strayed away from the searches that would give him identical results touting mindfulness and going out for a walk as the cure to all mental health issues. He’d done it all. He’d even been to therapy. He needed something different, something fresh. He racked his brain until he settled on his next search –

Find writing inspiration easy

Eddie waded through pages of awful advice, telling him to look at writing prompts or to exercise (how was a jog supposed to help him come up with a hit song, exactly?).

Then came a beacon of hope. His answer.

A writers’ retreat.

The idea sparked a wave of hope that hadn’t washed over Eddie in a long time. He didn’t want to go on a specifically planned writers’ retreat, to be surrounded by twelve other writers who were constantly asking him what he was writing and what brought him to their little commune – he shuddered at the thought. Definitely not.

But to be able to escape? To book a flight to Bumfuck, Nowhere and exist among people who had no idea who he was? To hole up where no one would be able to track him and demand photos and autographs? He’d been asked to sign someone’s tits when he was out for dinner, for god’s sake, and he just wanted some quiet. The idea of quiet was thrilling.

A new Google search: Rural towns in the Midwest.

The Midwest was probably the most boring place that Eddie could think of. He lived in L.A., and the West coast was somewhere he wanted to get away from. If he went too far East, he’d end up with New York, and he wanted to avoid that just as much. In fact, he was probably supposed to go there on the tour he’d blindly agreed to. 

Eddie didn’t want busy. He wanted boring. So: the Midwest.

He clicked through a number of websites, waiting for a name to stick. A small town that sounded like it had some charm to it, something that would leave Eddie feeling in love again. 

He found what he was looking for in Fairland, Indiana. The whimsical name was already enough to send soft flutters through his chest; he felt the inspiration already, felt the love that radiated from the small town. He trawled through the pictures that he could find. There weren’t many – even the Trip Advisor page for the town only had two entries – but Fairland seemed quaint.

Eddie was sold.

He was opening up a new tab to browse AirBnB almost immediately. In the back of his mind, he was aware of the reaction his plan would solicit from Gareth and everyone else who worked for him. He knew that this was impulsive, that there were a litany of fans who had paid for tickets to the tour already. The idea of disappointing his fans caused an ache that settled in next to his heart, but he couldn’t keep showing them this watered-down version of Eddie Munson. They deserved his love. He owed it to them.

The only issue with choosing such a small town was that the AirBnB options were few and far between. There was only the one option, actually. A home that Eddie could only really describe as cosy, as close to a cottage as he’d ever seen. Eddie thought that cottages only existed in fairytales, or, like, England. But it was there, right in front of him in a high-definition image. An honest-to-god cottage with ivy growing up the grey stone walls. Eddie hadn’t seen a brick house outside of Chicago; it added to the charm of the building. It felt like a hidden gem, a treasure that he needed to snatch up immediately.

He scrolled further. The room for offer had a double bed, the house itself boasted a large wood-burning fireplace and a private garden. The pictures looked ethereal. He quickly found the contact button, barely taking notice of the reviews (there weren’t too many anyway – Fairland apparently wasn’t particularly popular). His eye did catch one note under the owner’s profile, though: The owner lives in the main house. 

It almost stopped Eddie from messaging, but surely he could put up with nodding politely at the man when he saw him in the shared spaces of the house? It was still rural and beautiful and everything he needed.

Eddie swallowed any hesitation and typed out his message.

Eddie: How soon would this room be available?

He immediately and deeply regretted forgoing a greeting, realising how rude and demanding he must sound.

Eddie: Sorry! Hi! Just very excited about your lovely home!

Eddie banged his head on the desk. Twice, for good measure. He was about to delete his entire profile when the reply came through.

Steve: Hi there Eddie! It’s available now and there aren’t any upcoming bookings. So I can accommodate you whenever.

He didn’t think before he replied, didn’t give himself time to.

Eddie: Would you think me insane if I suggested tomorrow?

Steve: I can get the room set up by then, no problemo!

Eddie: And if I don’t exactly have an end date to my stay?

Steve: As long as I’m getting paid, stay for as long as you want.

If he hadn’t been convinced before, he definitely was now.

Eddie didn’t have to think too much about money these days; he was impulsive and spent as much as he wanted to. He’d bought Wayne a house – an actual house with more than one storey and everything – without a second thought. He gave him an unlimited budget to furnish it and went to Ikea with him in disguise (it was a cap and sunglasses, very original and not the least bit effective). 

Still, this was the fastest Eddie had typed in his card information in a long time. He paid for a month up front to sweeten the deal for his host and immediately switched tabs to look for flights.

*

Eddie was buckling himself into a plane seat before he let anyone in on his plan. He’d been putting it off, knowing exactly how much he was going to screw them all over. Gareth didn’t deserve it, the fans didn’t deserve it, but Eddie struggled to feel an inch of sympathy for any of the other executives. 

Besides, this was going to be for the best. For both Eddie and his fans. 

With a steadying breath, he opened up his messages to Gareth.

Munson: I’m not doing the tour.

Munson: Don’t look for me. I’ll be back, but not any time soon.

And then he turned off his phone before the barrage of texts started to flood in.

He’d been clever about it; he’d covered his tracks. Eddie’s laptop stayed in his penthouse apartment, but the history had been completely wiped. He had logged into his banking app and changed his password, just in case Gareth knew the old one. He’d even phoned the bank to make sure they wouldn’t give out any of his information. He told them, and the police, in no uncertain terms, that he was not missing and none of his information was to be shared. He wanted to cover all of his bases, because the men in suits were vultures and they wouldn’t stop until they found Eddie. So he had to make sure that he wouldn’t be found.

He was pretty sure that he’d done a good job.

***

The opening scenes from 'The Unloved Ones' by tinkerbclla on ao3.

LINK

[auxilioooo]

ok i just watched episode seven of moon girl season two and i started crying CUZ GOD DAMN YOU DIDNT HAVE TO ATTACK ME LIKE THAT

SPOILERS AHEAD

I’ve suffered from bad anxiety since i was a kid. i’ve always been scared to talk to kids my age and i’ve always felt i needed to be perfect in school. I’m the kid who if they get a B they start freaking out. Then in 7th grade when i was already struggling with 7th Accelerated Math COVID hit and I had to do everything online. My middle school didn’t handle it well and i was so scared of failing and the fact that i couldn’t talk to my teacher about not understanding the work that I just didn’t do any of it (counter productive i know). I ended up with a ton of zeros and my mom got mad. I ended up fixing it but that didn’t help my anxiety at all.

In high school (grades 9-12 for non-americans) all the pressure got worse and everything was a lot more stressful. 9th grade I was the only freshman in my math class and I had a horrible english teacher, 10th I was in my yearbook class (that’s an entire shit show of its own that, to summarize, made me super depressed and the reason i’m in therapy) and now Im in AP Physics. The test are super hard and stressful especially when i don’t understand most of it. I also was taking 3 other AP classes and i had to drop one. Because of that my anxiety got so bad that i started taking medication which has been super helpful and made school a lot more bearable.

Anyways when Lunella started talking about how she needs to be perfect and have all this pressure put on her by Dr. Ojo, I really related to all of that. Plus the visuals of representing it is exactly what i think and how it feels when i get those waves of anxiety. The part that made me start crying is when Mimi and Casey check on Lunella and Casey ask what’s happening and Mimi just goes “she’s having a panic attack”. Just hearing those words come out of the screen just meant so much to me. Just thinking of all the little girls, even then the little kids, who have felt the same and watching this showing that even some of the most powerful people have felt the same way. To show people what goes on to the “smart kids” when the expectations finally catch up with them and are told “you’re not good enough you need to be better”. To show that it’s normal to feel these feelings and also to show how to handle it. Making sure you have a good support group and even listening to music that calms you down (Here Comes a Thought from Steven Universe helps me). I’m just so happy to watch a show and just think “i’m not the only one. it’s ok that i feel this way”.

Anyways sorry for my ramble and GO WATCH MOON GIRL AND DEVIL DINOSAUR SEASON TWO BABY!!!!

[slightly-gay-pogohammer]

A penny for Gio's thoughts on The Wizard of Oz? I often feel like it gets often left out when it comes to fairytale discussions or fairytale crossovers like EAH or Descendents (Granted I don't think Disney ever did a Wizard of Oz movie and they've pretty much monopolized fairytale for better or worse... mostly worse.)

It's good to see it get recognition in Lies of P, though!! Eager to see what Round8 does with it!

i think Oz is!!! fun!!!!!!!!! and severely underused compared to, like. Pinocchio or Alice or the other "modern fairytales" when it comes to Big Budget Production, with the exception of like. Wicked ( that i still have to watch/listen to fndsmg musical fake fan right here ) or that one mid-to-okay Oz movie Disney made ages ago and nobody remembers nafdms granted my thoughts on it are a little... tainted? from the high school play I had to do - half of which was great bc my partner wrote it, half of which was Not bc if u guys want me to talk about how my teacher managed to make a bunch of 16 years olds do the cell block tango i'd LOVE to ramble about that play - but I think it's a fun little story with fun little characters

honestly. I'm very hyped for what LoPII and/or the DLC have in mind. i wanna see my little guy (the lion) so bad..............