#this made me sad because i really love el

[gatheredfates]

Yes, you've hit the nail on the head for me! It's why I wanted to preface that the utilisation of mods for personal joy/accessibility is not my issue with them, and I think that people should be able to expand on character customisation—especially while SE continues to struggle with afro-textured hair (as just one example). It's the elitism around mods and the belief that if you don't have mods or don't agree with them that you're somehow 'lesser' and not worth the same amount of time as someone who sinks that level of commitment into their characters.

Let's be honest? It is a commitment, but that isn't necessarily a good thing.

When a (former) friend got hers, she got mad at me and said "I didn't know you had a photographer, I didn't give them my code" then left.

And

Another former friend said if a place has no public synchshells, she leaves.

Are endemic of a community that values aesthetic over substance; who cannot bear to have their character perceived in any way other than what they have meticulously crafted using third party tools to the detriment and exclusion of people who cannot or will not access them. Maybe it's that I'm just old(er) now? But, at least back when I wrote in WoW and text-based RP, you could slap a picture of an anime character/actor down and be like 'they look like this but with black hair and green eyes' and it was fine. You didn't need a picture at all, really, and it was STILL fine! Because it was the content of their writing, their personal character and their drive for inclusion that meant something. You could use your ~imagination~ to envision the gaps in the game engine or picture(s).

It's incredibly sad that I can walk into a room on Sarrai, someone who is very extroverted and loves to chat and include people, and be outrightly ignored and/or made to feel like I'm 'intruding' on a space because I've not been there previously (and am unknown to the group at large) or that my clothes/hair/etc. might still be vanilla. There's an irony when I'm included once people work out I run the Compendium, but it's not nice.

It's a double-edged sword for me when people tell Pepper and I they feel safe at the Fireside because we interact with people no matter their skill/mods, because it's the highest praise to know we have created a venue that is safe, but that's in direct competition to places that aren't. I don't care if you use mods or not! I have highly modded characters (El) and characters that don't have mods at all (Kor) because I'm happy with how she looks. Why should I modify her just so she fits with the crowd? It's ridiculous and needlessly gatekeep-y when roleplay is already a weird hobby to begin with. None of us are cool, guys! I promise! You're weird and it's fine actually!

The answer is there: You have to work on making spaces that are welcoming to everyone. But it also means a lot of the community has to do some introspection on why their mods matter so much within their place in the community and why everything has to be meticulously crafted and squeaky clean, otherwise people will have an aversion to you. We're roleplayers/gposers/etc. We're not companies!

I'm begging people to be more earnest and vulnerable. Anyone with half a brain will see it. You don't need to adhere to the aesthetic unless it makes you happy. We need to do more to be open, accommodating and kind to people; especially those who are limited to vanilla, writing, etc. I'm tired of writing, the tool we all use to expand on our character(s) place in the world, being undervalued.

Playerscope, modding and the hunt for aesthetic: why you should be more upset about mods and community expectations than you already are.

I love that this sounds like an academic paper but HONESTLYYYY. I need to put my thoughts to paper in regards to my burnout with xiv, otherwise I think I'll go insane. This is a controversial yet brave post. I am well aware that I partake in some of the things I'm going to be critiquing; aka, "thank you, dinklebottom, we live in a society." I'm also not critiquing mods from a space of offering more accessibility to people and/or facilitating representation not currently offered within the context of the game. There is nuance to every discussion and I'm coming at this from an overarching view around mods and community expectations/standards rather than player joy. I hope this makes sense. I'm also predominately writing from a roleplay perspective, though I'm sure a lot of what I end up saying can reflect in the art party/social space. Just know if I haven't mentioned the latter it's because that's not my scene and I don't pretend to know otherwise.

Anyway. For those who don't know, there's a new mod that's causing some strife in the xiv community called Playerscope. Here is the reddit thread about it. I'm not going to be talking too much about the mod in general because that's not the point of this post, but seeing discussion around it today just made me feel more exhausted than I already am when it comes to modding and the xiv community around it. It made me realise... I'm actually really sick to death of mods. I'm sick to death of what they're doing to the community when it comes to gatekeeping, policing and in general the interactions we have with each other in the community.

Let me explain: I wrote a post about the roleplay mod on bsky that kind of articulates at a surface level what I mean.

I think what makes me sad, which I'm sure is echoed by a lot of people, is that mods feel like the standard now rather than an option and that there's a certain expectation for people to have them if they want to engage with facets of the community—whether intentional or not.

Unlike XIV, WoW has a supported mod scene (within reason) and TRP 2 and the like have been accepted for years now. In a space where people can't slap on an RP tag, having that tool readily identifies you as a writer/roleplayer and you can include as much or as little of your character as you like. The general idea is if you have one of these tools enabled, you're a roleplayer to some capacity. You can dress up the profile to a certain degree, you can add links and supported pictures, but you're mostly reliant on what you put to paper in regards to your character. Even then, I find filling out what my character is doing currently and marking the rest as a WIP doesn't necessarily exclude me from roleplay if I want to find it. A lot of people will do that and a super simple description to incite interest around their oc.

These days in XIV... I don't know. I do think communities have gotten more insular—it's why I'm so pedantic about trying to find them for the Compendium—but I also think mods and, to a certain extent, the 'nightclub' scene have gotten in the way of it as well. My argument is such.

I want to go to an event (for example sake, I'll call it Seascape). In order to fully participate, I may need:

Their discord.

A roleplay addon.

A carrd/google site/etc.

Their synchshell (including mods, mare and everything else)

Potentially a mod of some description so people know I can see theirs (and vice versa).

Also that your mod isn't made by a shitty person.

Appropriate understanding of the scene/social space.

Some luck and a prayer that it's an inclusive space and not a closed rp group advertising as being open and/or a mod showcase advertising itself as something different.

Like??? Holy shit you guys. If you are someone who doesn't want to mod because you're worried about repercussions it really just feels like a big 'fuck you, good luck'.

And let me be clear, not every community is like this. I'm incredibly lucky to have found fantastic roleplay within my own rp event/community, I have great friends who run awesome, inclusive events for people of any skill (writing or otherwise) and I do fully believe you can just enable the rp tag and find fun, fulfilling roleplay. But I've also found the above a lot of times, too. I've had people point-blank get mad at my partner because he won't install mods and try to exclude and/or circumvent him in spaces. It's weird. I've been to events where the only time I felt like I got proper interaction(s) was when I joined the aforementioned, even if I have my character's profile linked in my about. It's weird.

Honestly, no wonder new roleplayers feel overwhelmed. Not only do they have to learn roleplay etiquette, they have to be a mod expert overnight? It feels less about what someone can bring to the table as far as a story but what mods they can install to either look cool or pass an unspoken social barrier. As much as I'm down bad for aesthetic and looking the part, I hate it being at the cost of accessibility and fun for someone else.

Arguably it's the same for gposing and the like as well, which contributes to my exhaustion alongside all the graphical changes and I just. I'm gnawing at the bars of my cage.

I don't think it's going to change and arguably it's more of a Twitter/X issue than a Tumblr, one but Tumblr lets me write mini essays and Twitter will tell me to kms.

Ergo, I'll go with the essay-writing platform.

Anyway, I guess this is just a reminder that you don't need 4596419651 mods to be in the community and that people should be more vigilant on including people who don't have them for whatever reason, provided they operate in good-faith and want to contribute. I think we're careening to a slippery slope of expectation for something unsupported and I don't like it.

[elliespassagerprincess]

Can you do something with toxic Ellie where she sobs and cries when reader gets to her last straw literally having snot running down her nose sliding down the wall actually going through all the stages of grief, trying to justify her cheating, lying etc and tries to forcefully give reader a kiss and hug her telling reader she loves her so much 😣🤚🏼

Her Sweet girl - (ellie williams x reader)

Hi anon!! thanks for the request! This is lowkey based on how my ex and i ended lmao.... i hope you enjoy <33333

Pairing: ellie x fem!reader

requests are open! send me your silly thoughts

Warning: cheating and alot of angst

Summary: in which you had enough

authors note: so.... I'm back (idk for how long though)

masterlist

"Again? Really Ellie? Again?"

She sat in a corner, tears in her eyes.

Ellie looked rough, her hair messy, hickeys littered her chest.

"It was a mistake-" she choked out

"mistake? A fucking mistake?" You raised your voice.

Ellie flinched not being used to you being so aggressive.

You were a good girl. A very good girl. Sweet. Innocent. Naïve. The perfect victim for someone like Ellie.

Ellie grew up watching romance movies.

They were predictable, cringe at times and very unrealistic. She hated the happily ever after, she pulled her face every time the two main characters came together with a kiss.

She hated the happily ever after.

She hated the idea of being with someone forever. Forever sounded too long.

"Ellie you'll get a STD" Joel once told her as they sat for breakfast.

She let out a chuckle as she pour herself a glass of orange juice

"I'm just perfecting my skills"

"Els you're bringing home a girl almost every night. I'm concerned for you"

"Concerned? Because I'm getting laid?"

"That's not what I meant and you know that"

Ellie let out a sigh 'here we go again' she thought to herself.

"Joel please" she begged knowing where this conversation was going.

"you'll never find happiness like this. Do you think you'll find find a real connection with someone if you keep brining different people home"

"I know. I know, I'm still young Joel I have time"

You were sweet. The sweetest girl she's ever met. You were so loyal, caring.

When the two of you hooked up for the first time Ellie was surprised to see how polite you were. You asked her if she was having fun, you offered her water.

Ellie had one rule: never sleep with the same girl twice.

You were an exception.

You made her feel special, you made her feel loved. Ellie loved you and she never thought she would be capable of loving.

As much as she loved you, she could never stay loyal.

Ellie liked the thrill of meeting someone new, she liked the one night stands. She loved her double life.

You caught her one night.

In all honesty you don't even remember what happened. You walked into the room and your eyes landed on Ellie in between a girl's thighs.

You fell to your knees and tears left your eyes as you looked at the scene before you. The girl screamed, and she grabbed her clothes apologizing to you as she ran out.

Elle fell to her knees naked, apologizing as she held your hand gently.

You stared at the wall as tears left your eyes.

The silence felt like hours to Ellie.

You uttered the words: "it's ok, you made a mistake"

"Never again" she promised as she hugged you tightly as you cried into her shoulder.

She lied.

You caught her again a week later and she made the same promise.

Again and again and again.

You loved her so much. So much that it hurt you. You forgave her over and over again.

Someone who loved you wouldn't betray you like this, someone who wanted to spend the rest of her life with you wouldn't treat you like this.

This was your final straw.

You saw the girls underwear when you walked into your shared apartment.

When you opened the bedroom door, she was on top of Ellie and she was giggling.

She was fucking giggling.

You weren't sad. You were.. disgusted. You just stared at them and eventually they noticed you.

"Fucking talk Ellie" you demanded

Hearing her sweet girl talk like this, made Ellie's stomach turn.

"She seduced you, she forced you you were lonely? i didn't make you cum?... what's the fucking reason this time?"

Ellie opened her mouth but no words came out.

She didn't have a reason.

You stared at her 'wow she couldn't even explain it this time'

You were tired. Tired of being lied to, tired of being humiliated.

You walked to your closet and you started packing up your clothes. Ellie suddenly got up and ran towards you.

She grabbed your shoulders forcing you to look at her.

"baby please let's talk about this"

She brought you in for a awkward hug but you gently pulled away from her not saying a word.

You didn't cry, you didn't even react.

That scared Ellie.

The fact you weren't saying something scared her.

She tried grabbing your arm again but you pushed her.

"get the fuck off me"

Ellie dramatically fell against the wall, she slid down as she sobbed.

She was putting up and act, you knew she was.

She laid on the floor in a ball, sobbing loudly but you ignored her.

"if i ever lose you, I'd surely lose myself" she said as she sobbed into her arms. Her cries got louder and louder. She was desperately trying to get your attention.

She just wanted one reaction from you. She wanted- no - needed you to say something.

"You look like a fucking child" you laughed.

Ellie looked up at you through her tears.

You were laughing? What was so funny?

"So you think me crying is funny?" she asked in disbelief

"so you think cheating on me and crying will make me stay?"

She started sobbing again and you just rolled your eyes.

She looked like a toddler after their parent told them no.

She was a sight to behold. She eyes puffy and swollen, she was drooling, and snot was running out her nose. She looked dirty, desperate, pathetic.

She always had you crying like that, but the roles were reversed. You were in control now.

She needed you.

You made your way to the door and Ellie crawled behind you, like the dog she was.

You turned to look at her, and she started kissing your legs.

"baby please" she said through kisses.

"Let me explain"

"No"

She held your leg as she sobbed. You put down your bag and you forcefully pushed her off.

Ellie landed with a thud and she looked at you with wide eyes holding the side of her head (she probably hit her head, maybe she was being overdramatic maybe she was lying who know. She deserves it anyway)

You picked up your bag and walked to the front door.

Ellie suddenly got up and cleared her throat.

"You wouldn't dare leave me. i mean look at you, who would love you?" she said with a grin.

You knew the sobbing was an act. It was crazy how quickly she could change up.

You turn to look at her: "me? i'll find someone"

You look her up and down "you on the other hand, i don't know... i mean who would want to date someone that tasted everyone's pussy"

Her jaw dropped at your words.

"you wont leave me"

"watch me"

"You're unlovable" were the last words you muttered to her as you slammed the door shut.

She looked at the closed door in front of her.

You actually left. You actually had the guts to walk out.

Tears fell from Ellie's eyes. Real tears fell from her eyes.

She put her hand on her chest. Her heart hurts, her throat was closing up. she felt sick.

Is this what real heartbreak felt like?

you actually left her.

Her sweet girl left.

Ellie fell to her knees and she let out a loud sob. She ruined the only good thing in her life.

<3

[steddiealltheway]

Steve can see it in Max. That same loneliness and ache that he finds in himself. For him, it’s result of his parents leaving with no intent to return to him unless absolutely necessary.

He knows he was an accident. Or rather a mistake as his father used to call him when he was particularly angry. But it made sense to him. Steve's the reason his father had to marry his mother. He left him "trapped." And maybe no one says it out loud, but he can tell his mother feels the same way too.

But they must keep up appearances, right?

Which is what Max has been trying to do since Billy died, El moved away, and it's been just her and her mom. But she's been going about it through a different route - pushing people away all while pretending things are fine. But Steve sees the way she picks up the broken pieces of her mom and tries to put them back together - Steve's had to do the same thing before.

So, he starts sticking around a little longer. Offering her more rides to the arcade and around town to pick up groceries when she needs to. Sometimes he'll tell her about a new recipe he's been trying for a casserole and pick up the ingredients, pretending like the milk and butter he bought will spoil by the time he drives home from her trailer.

Of course, they both know it's a lie, but Max humors him and plays along. She'll let him cook dinner while she picks up the bottles her mom left on the floor, dumps out the overflowing ashtray, and feeds the dog. Usually, Steve will ask her what she's learning in school and linger a little longer than usual in hopes that she'll say more than the usual, "I don't know. A bunch of boring stuff."

But lingering has gotten a lot of things out of Max such as her love for Kate Bush, a story about El and how much she misses her, and short quips about Lucas before she gets a sad smile on her face. Steve doesn't really know what to say most of the time, but he hopes that just being there will help.

Unfortunately, lingering and just being there has led him to his current predicament of none other than Eddie "The Freak" Munson sitting on the hood of his car glaring at him as he walks out of Max's place. Steve jumps a little, startled by the figure on his car and becoming more hostile as he sees the expression on his face. He shoves his hands in his pockets and slows his pace. "Is there a problem?"

Eddie snorts humorlessly. "Christ. You're really going to pretend like there's nothing wrong with what's happening?"

Steve's brows furrow, entirely missing whatever point he's trying to make.

Eddie stands up and stalks toward him. "I see you, you know. Always lurking around when her mom isn't home. Coming out of her trailer late at night."

Steve laughs, finally understanding the absurd conclusion he's come to. "Jesus, man. You're delusional."

Steve doesn't expect it, but Eddie sharply shoves his chest and grits, "I don't fucking lie to me, Harrington."

Steve holds his hands up. "I'm not," he firmly states. "Nothing like that is happening here. I'm glad you're looking out for her, but it isn't like that."

"Do you expect me to believe that? Maybe this is why you're always hanging around Henderson and the other kids."

Steve crosses his arms and his jaw tenses. "I'm not a fucking pervert or a pedophile if that's what you're trying to say. I'm just looking after them."

"Why?" Eddie asks, dramatically opening his arms, "Why would King Steve adopt a group of misfits to take under his wing? See, the math isn't adding up."

Usually, Steve would just brush it off and tell the person to fuck off and mind their own business. But his parents have just left town again without leaving a note and Max had snapped when Steve tried to help her clean the place because it looked worse than usual, and he was just generally feeling like shit and angry at his parents and Max's parents for not being there. So he broke, "Because I don't want Max to end up like me! I don't want any of those kids to grow up without a role model. And god forbid if any of those other kids' parents fuck up, and they’re left with only me. I need them to know that I'm there for them! Because sometimes it feels like whenever the world goes to shit, I'm the only one who is there, and I plan to stay there, okay?!"

He finishes his rant breathing a little heavier than usual and noticing that a few of the lights in the trailers have turned on around them. He looks around and awkwardly nods to the people glaring out their windows. God, he needs to get a grip.

When he turns back to Eddie, he notices the conflicted expression, jaw dropped, eyebrows knitted together, eyes searching him as if he's still wondering if he's lying.

A door creaks open behind them and Steve curses under his breath as he hears Max say, "Eddie, leave him alone. Do you really think I would hook up with my damn babysitter? Jeez."

"Language," Steve quietly lectures as the door swings shut. He runs his hands over his face and takes a deep breath. It's been a long fucking day.

A hand lands on his arm and tugs him away from Max's trailer. Steve glances up at Eddie, leading him across the way. "Where are we going?"

"My place," Eddie says.

"Why?"

"So we can talk."

God, the last thing he wants to do is talk to Eddie of all people, the guy he's been actively avoiding since Dustin started worshipping the ground - or rather tables - he walks on. But he lets himself be pulled away in the trailer and practically deposited on the couch in the living room.

He glances up and comments, "That's a lot of mugs."

"My uncle's, but that's not what I wanted to... Christ," Eddie says, pacing in front of Steve and tugging his hair in front of his face. The anxious display makes Steve feel even more tired, but he lets him pace. God, what is he even doing here?

"I'm sorry," Eddie blurts out. "I'm just..." he trails off and rushes over to grab a stool a few feet away before dragging it in front of the couch. He sits on it but his leg still holds that nervous energy as it rapidly bounces up and down. "I jumped to conclusions, and it was really shitty of me, man. I just... didn't believe what Henderson was saying about you and thought 'Oh, this makes way more sense than Steve Harrington being a good dude.' And I'm sorry to accuse you of that. And I... I didn't know about your... parents and stuff. Like I knew they were away a lot because of your parties but... I just never connected the dots. And I'm sorry. No one deserves that shit, man."

Steve doesn't know what to do this whole interaction, especially with it coming from Eddie Munson who he doesn't think he's ever talked to before this moment, but... he needs to hear it. God, he needs to hear it.

Of course, he can't let him know this, so he does what he's best at and brushes it off. "It's fine. You were just looking out for the kids. And really just ignore what I said back there, it isn't that big of a deal."

Eddie worries his bottom lip before he blurts out, "I know what it's like." He pauses and takes a deep breath. "I mean, I know what it's like to have... absent parents. But in my case, eventually, my uncle Wayne took me in, and I can only imagine if he didn't." He gives him a pointed look and lowers his voice, "Do you have someone like that?"

A big part of Steve wants to leave right now, and he knows there's nothing stopping him. But a bigger part of him needs to stay. Needs to talk about the emptiness in his house that he can never truly escape at the end of the day that he can’t talk to anyone about. Because he's not supposed to be weak. He's supposed to take care of the others. So he admits, "No, I don't have... anyone like that. Except Robin but..."

"That's different," Eddie finishes the thought for him.

Steve nods. He loves Robin, but he loves her as a platonic soulmate and not as a parent figure in his life. "You know, I once had this basketball coach in middle school - Mr. Weston. And I remember looking up to him so much. I wanted to be just like him, and I would go to his office during lunch and ask him for advice or talk about dumb shit that my father would never talk about. But he never shamed me for my questions. And sometimes he even packed an extra dessert for me." Steve smiles at the memories and runs a hand through his hair, remembering the day he got the news. "But one time, when I went to his office, he had this look on his face. And I just knew it was bad news. And really, it wasn't bad news to him because his wife was pregnant. But she wanted to move a few states away to raise the kid closer to her family. And it wasn't his fault, you know? It wasn't like he purposely chose to move away from me, but I felt like I was abandoned again."

Steve wipes a tear from his eye and puts his head in his hands. "God, I don't know why I'm even telling you this story. Sorry."

"Don't apologize," Eddie says quickly. He pauses and shifts on the stool, his gaze being far away. "I remember him. He was one of the only gym teachers that defended me against all the shitty middle school bullies. He was a good person.”

Steve nods. God, he was a good person.

Eddie continues, “I'm sorry that he left. And I bet he still regrets leaving you behind."

Steve leans back against the couch and looks away, shaking his head. "I bet he forgot about me."

"You're kind of hard to forget."

Steve looks at Eddie and sees a slight blush on his cheeks as he shakes his head and waves his hands as if trying to make the comment go away. "What I mean is that there's no way he's forgotten about you. Someone who you used to have lunch with all the time to the point of giving you free food... Nah, man. He remembers you. I think you may have been as important to him as he was to you."

The thought breaks away at a wall Steve had built up long ago. "Thanks," he practically whispers.

Eddie just smiles at him, small dimples appearing on his cheeks.

"You didn't deserve it either, you know," Steve says. "The absent parent stuff. Even with Wayne, they should've been here too."

Eddie's smile falters a bit as he swallows and looks at the ground. "Thanks," he mumbles. He looks up at Steve and comments, "Getting sappy with Steve Harrington. Who knew."

"Yeah, getting sappy with Eddie Munson," Steve echoes back at him.

Eddie laughs, "I'm surprised you even know my name."

"You're kind of hard to forget," Steve says easily.

That same blush comes back to Eddie who shifts in his chair a bit as if he needs to process the information with his whole body.

They sit in the moment for a bit before Eddie gets a somewhat serious look on his face and offers, "You know, I'm definitely not a parent figure or anything, but I'm always here and around to talk about that whole thing if you need to."

Steve's heart beats a little faster at the sheer genuineness. "Same here," he can't help but offer in return. He glances down at his watch and sighs, "It's getting late, so I better..."

"Right," Eddie says, standing up and leading him to the door. "Do you need water for the road or anything?"

Steve smiles and pats him on the back without thinking too hard about it. "I'm good, man. But thank you. For everything really."

"Sorry for being an asshole," Eddie apologizes again.

"Usually that's my line," Steve accidentally voices before cringing a bit, wondering further why Eddie's been so kind to him.

But as he opens the door, Eddie comments, "I don't know. It seems like Dustin was right about the whole reformed jock thing. Maybe your crown really has fallen - which is a good thing by the way."

Steve slightly smiles at him before he turns to leave. But he can't help but say, "I wonder what the neighbors will think about me leaving your trailer so late."

Eddie groans then laughs. "Sorry to ruin your image."

"I wouldn't mind," Steve replies, honestly unsure what he means by that. "Goodnight, Eddie."

"Goodnight, Steve," Eddie says, that same blush on his cheeks, only this time Steve isn't sure if it's something he said or a result of the cold night air.

In bed that night, Steve feels a slight weight lifted from him and can't help but feel like he’s a little less alone.

[loveafterdeath-if]

Hello just someone who found your game a while back and loved it. Your work was really good at invoking the emotions from your audience, or at least it was effective at affecting me. Reading through it didn't feel like a chore and the prose flows smoothly. Also liked the Extras you made where it show enough of the RO to answer some question while leading enough mysteries to keep interest. Anyway just read through El's PoV and it was heartwarming, rage inducing, and despair provoking as I had imagined it would be. So good job on that part. So a question. How would the RO's react if they are in a relationship with MC and what happened to El happened to the MC? It could be the hypothetical timeline where MC and El never met, so MC became partners with the RO instead of El. It could be the scenario where they got together after El's death and that happened.

Hey there! I'm really glad you enjoy my works, especially knowing that I succeeded in conveying the emotions I aimed for!

L would be dead inside, drinking their sorrow and crying to MC night after night, hiding it behind jokes and charm around everyone. It's what they do best, right? Even when T tries to help, L would feel like a lost cause, assuring their kid they're alright with a smile that never reaches their eyes again—those gray eyes that hold no mischief anymore. Every person around them seems to leave, and they’d start to think it’s maybe their fault, as if they’re cursed to remain alone. They might even distance themself from T, scared that the same fate would befall their child.

Ekissa would shut themself off even more than before, becoming harsh and cold—even with family. They’d turn into one of those old grumpy people who prefer to be left alone. They wouldn’t feel like doing anything, just lying in bed, staring at the ceiling for hours, days, months. Their parents would force them to eat something, trying to help, but Ekissa would brush them off, snapping that they don’t need anyone to feel better. The thought of meeting new people would be repulsive; just the idea of it would make them want to hurl.

Athiel would continue their life, posing for magazines and overworking themself to the bone until there’s no room for pain. They’d do what they do best: hate everyone, hate themself, hate everything. Life would feel like a chore. Athiel would desperately try to bury the raw and merciless pain until all that remains is the façade of the arrogant model. But what nobody knows is that every single night, Athiel would sleep with MC's clothes to smell their scent, hoping that maybe it would help them dream of MC, to see them again, holding them.

T wouldn’t feel sad—not because their love wasn’t sincere, but because they don’t see death as something to be mourned. It’s all about perspective. Every little thing—like their favorite song playing on the radio, the small things missing in their house, every dream of MC—would feel like a sign that MC is waiting for them. T knows they will eventually reunite, and when they do, there will be so much to share. T would visit MC's grave every day after work, bringing flowers, cleaning the grave, and talking about their day with that small smile that makes their dimples appear.

[love-byers]

so as hard as it may be to believe, i was a mileven shipper right up until just before vol 2 of s4 came out. not hardcore twitter mileven, but a shipper nonetheless. i did love will and mike's relationship, maybe even more than mileven, but i never clocked it as romantic. i vividly remember thinking "aww, will and mike would be so cute together but they would never let that happen." and never thought about it again. even when i saw the rain fight and heard "it's not my fault you don't like girls" i was like "ohh wow so will is probably gay" and didn't even think he was in love with mike. i didn't believe that until the s4 trailer said "i think there is someone he likes" and of course, this was because of my own heteronormativity. i dismissed everything i saw and didn't even look for hints because the idea that the writers would allow a gay relationship between two main characters was not even a thought in my head. once i dropped that and started to trust that the writers actually cared and did want queer characters/storylines, everything made sense.

so i went into s4 thinking mileven were gonna be fine and that will was sad and hopelessly in love with mike. i mean fully believing it. so im mindlessly watching s4 e2 and thinking "aww poor will mike is so in love with el he can't pay attention to will" no questions asked.

then the fight happened. when mike blew up and said "you were! you were! you were rolling your eyes, you were moping, you were barely talking you basically sabotaged the whole day" i was like " how do you know that" but still, i dismissed it and barely thought about it.

then it happened. "we're friends! we're. friends." all the alarm bells went off. red flags flew up. my eyebrows furrowed. "ummm what mike? he didn't say you were more than friends. why is he viewing this romantically and why is he being so defensive???"

i was so deep into believing the writers would never let the gay romance happen, but that just couldn't get past me. there's no other way that line can be interpreted. that's a trope that means one thing and one thing only.

my next thought was "ok, this is gonna be like the rain fight. will is gonna be really hurt by this and go silent."

but nope, will claps back with "well we used to be best friends!" and i was stunned. utterly stunned. what is going on here? what is this dynamic? and why is mike more worried about this than finding el? why did he care enough to completely stop walking so he couple blow up at will for not talking?? but still, i was somehow able to let this go. because the writers just wouldn't do that. would they?

the mileven fight happens and i've never wanted to backhand a teenager more in my entire life. i'm reminded of stancy and their whole "i love you" thing

then THIS happened, and i was thinking more and more that mike doesn't love el romantically. look at his face when will says "whatever you didn't say you can say it to her then". will starts talking but the camera stays focused on mike and will remains blurred. we're supposed to be taking in mikes reaction. he says yes, but frowns and blinks rapidly. will was trying to reassure him, but mike has not been reassured. i don't know how to describe the emotion on his face. it's like you just had a chance to clear up your lie, but you still didn't, and now you're back to thinking about the moment your lie will blow up in your face. it's like his face is saying, "no, i can't just say it to her then because i don't want to."

the scene where they talk on top of the car is what started to make me think mike doesn't love el romantically. his reaction to will saying "it's scary, to say how you really feel. especially to people you care about the most. because..what if they don't like the truth?" he nodded. he felt seen. i remember thinking "ooooh. he doesn't love her and he knows she won't like that" everything made sense. if we apply mike's monologue logic to this, it makes no sense. whatever it is that mike is feeling, he thinks el won't like it. then he supposedly decides that the moment to tell her that is when she's dying?

mike is lying. he was holding back saying how he feels because he knows el won't like it. then when she's dying, he suddenly thinks his feelings are what she wants enough that it'll save her life? whatever he was feeling on top of the car and what he tells her in the monologue are not the same. you don't tell someone something they won't like when they're dying.

and 2 years ago i came to this conclusion without an ounce me believing byler could be canon.

[pixiesfz]

p3 of this ….more jill next chapter I promise

lyrics more than words j.r x reader

plot: you get back into song writting after the incident

warning: mentions of sa and assault, it ends with us themed

She apologized.

She apologized a thousand times.

And for some stupid fucking reason you forgave her.

Why?

It could’ve been because you didn’t have many friends, she promised it was a one-time thing and it wouldn’t happen again.

You had no parents to go to.

It was a Thursday night, Ellie was opening the red wine to celebrate your eight-month anniversary but you didn’t find yourself excited. You sat on the ground of the living room, no matter how much it numbed your bottom half you hadn’t sat on the couch since the ‘incident’.

Ellie walked in with the wine and a charcuterie board you had made earlier and sat down on the couch behind you.  

“How was work?” You asked and Ellie played with your hair “The usual, clients lying and me having to cover up for them” She shrugged and you nodded.

“How about you?” Ellie asked and you thought about it.

You hadn’t had the most inspiration to write lately, at least the inspiration to write good songs, songs that weren’t filled with heartache.

“I’ve got a bit of writer's block at the minute,” you told her and she furrowed her brows.

Just listen to your old songs, you said that little things like that help” You nodded your head “Maybe”.

You tried.

Really fucking tried.

But it all leads to crying on your studio’s couch.

Listening to how much you once loved Ellie, trusted her, called her your home.

Now you dreaded going to her home, checked twice before she sat next to her and looked away once you told her you love her.

It wasn’t until you dug through your papers and found your old songs from high school you found the motivation to put your pen to a page.

The thoughts about your childhood, the love that you shared with Jill, the adrenaline that ran through you both when you ran away from your dates at the school dance to go into the only open classroom where you could still hear the music.

But then came the thoughts of sadness. You couldn’t hold her in public, or share kisses in the street. You couldn’t gush to your friends about her, the only person you could talk about Jill with… was Jill.

The whole ordeal was frustrating but when you thought back to it, you never regretted a single thing.

Your words wrote themselves on the page as you hummed a melody, this song was yours, and yours only.

You didn’t let anyone read it.

Not even Olivia who begged and begged, you hid it in your draw in your private office at the studio, it was reserved for no eyes but your own.

Now back into your groove, you watched as Ellie walked into your office with a bouquet.

Shocked you leaned back “Hi El, what are you doing here?” you asked and she shrugged “Just thought I’d say hi, you’ve been working hard and staying after hours” She smiled and you blushed.

It was a sweet gesture, and you hadn’t even noticed that everyone had left and you were the only one left.

“Well, is this for me?” you ask, pointing at the flowers and Ellie smirks “It’s actually for Olivia,” she says before you both laughed

“I just wanted to say I’m proud of you” she told you before handing them out “Let me grab a vase from the kitchen spot” you told her, placing a kiss on her cheek before leaving the office door.

Ellie looked around your office as you left, noticing a small key next to your keyboard, furrowing her brows she picked it up and looked around for a place it could go into.

You had always been trustworthy into the relationship and would always be loyal but ever since the game Ellie saw your eyes twinkle when Jill said hello to you.

She had never seen you look at her that way.

So she took it out on you that same night, she regretted it afterwards. When you forgave her she knew she had to keep you forever. You were hers.

When she finally found the keyhole at your desk she opened the draw to find pieces of paper with lyrics on it, a melody on the back.

‘secret love song’

Ellie annotated your writing as she read, this couln’t have been an old writing piece as your handwriting had changed and your writing was slightly mess, some of the letters connecting which meant you were on a roll, the feelings pouring out of you as you wrote.

Anger started to pour out of her, dropping the flowers onto your floor.

You walked in after and stopped at the door when you noticed what papers she had in her hands.

Fear washed over you.

“Ellie?” you asked, walking slowly to her, placing the vase down at your desk.

“When did you write this?” she asked and you panicked “Years ago” you shrugged and she placed it down “You’re lying”

You stepped back “Ellie-“

“Are you cheating on me?”

You rolled your eyes “no I am not cheating on you, this song is about something that happened years ago” you told her, ripping it from her hands.

It seemed to be enough reassurance for her since her shoulders sagged down “I just get self-conscious you know” she said and you nodded, stepping back from the girl.

You were scared

No.

You were petrified.

Stepping to the desk you grabbed the glass vase, putting it as far away as possible.

You looked from the vase and back to Ellie.

You shouldn’t have to stand with your partner and hide objects from them.

You had to leave.

[cassatine]

my conclave review i guess! i was going to gush in chat but then. too many words.

so literally all i knew about it going in was (1) a cardinal vapes in it (2) probably it's about a conclave?? (3) good vibes according to dashboard osmosis. the cinematography was a+, which i always appreciate. i liked that on one level it's a perfect comedy, really fucking funny in a sort of understated way. the beginning kinda reminded me of the death of stalin, what with the inciting event being the guy at the top of the hierarchy dying… somehow excellent comedy setup. at the very beginning, when lawrence & co struggle a bit to take the ring off the pope's corpse and it's all so ritualized, that's when i knew it was going to be Funny.

but beyond the fact that it was funnier than i expected... i liked the layers. most of all i think i liked the earnestness. ralph fiennes mid-crisis of faith, hating his job, trying to be a moral man in a system that is broken?? chef's kiss. the other cardinals of note were also nicely layered, like adeyemi? it would have been so easy to just stop at his being homophobic and treat his having had a kid being revealed as comeuppance but the way he cries and asks lawrence to pray with him… he sucks and it's a good thing he's taken off the race but it also happens for the wrong reason. bellini who's lying to himself and everyone else over not wanting to be the pope when he so clearly does and still letting himself be bought by the promise of a nice post… and yet he is not just an hypocrite. he sees he failed. he apologizes. he is only human. tedesco could have been a one note villain but he's the coolest dude around, and on a fundamental level that's part of what makes him dangerous: he's a reactionary and a bigot but he makes it kinda sexy. you want to like him; he's fun to watch and he has style, something the other cardinals probably wouldn't recognize if it hit them in the face. benitez. well. benitez is jesus. sister agnes was neat, it's a bit sad we don't really get to know her but she's indispensable and i love that for her. like. here's a bunch of dudes with all the decisional power who expect her to just exist in the background doing the menial work and then her printer expertise ends up being vital, and in general lawrence wouldn't have managed as well without her support… noice.

the end feels a bit easy, like lbr benitez being elected pope because he made a nice speech is ludicrous, but also… it works for me?

(1) on some level the film is about the difficulties of trying to be a moral person in a system that does not reward being moral. sure it's about faith and doubt and the limitations of organized religion. it's about catty bitches vying for power in a ritualized way that, on some level, speaks of an institution that ossified, that resists change (and on that note: benitez, obviously-the-best candidate only gets elected because people skirt the isolation rules, because the outside world intrudes. also because he is jesus.) it's stated near the beginning that the pope hadn't lost faith in god but in the church, and through the movie we can see why, all the machinations and the thirst for power and the fallibility of the men within the institution. through lawrence we see how much easier it would be to just… stop trying, to do the convenient thing, the easy thing, rather than the right thing, and to find justifications for that: better not make waves and better not make a scandal, for the sake of electing a blandly liberal pope rather than tedesco. and who would disagree? sure, better a bland liberal than reactionary tedesco. but then comes the ethical quandary: should the goal of avoiding one evil mean closing your eyes to another? should you forsake your sense of right and wrong for the greater good? too often i think we are told to prioritize the greater good, and maybe sometimes we should. but maybe sometimes we shouldn't. maybe sometimes we should hold to our principles. in the end, benitez being elected pope isn't going to miraculously make the catholic church and its agents unproblematic. but it is a win, and it happens because lawrence kept choosing to do (what he believes is) the right thing, the moral thing, even when it's not easy, even when it's inconvenient, even when he's told he's being naive and hurting the greater cause. and i appreciate that message.

(2) as i said: benitez is jesus. the film is a parable… it's a story about how jesus showed up, completedly unexpected, in the middle of the church his disciples built, and because the church is made up of people and people are flawed and faillible and too busy with things like power, they did not notice jesus walking among them. at least not until god (metaphorically) shone a light on him. like yes sure the way benitez ends up the one elected is ludicrous but!! it took an act of god. not the bombs per se. but the tragedy of it intruding into the isolated conclave? the windows exploding, the light coming in, this is what allows the true stakes to become clear again, and for benitez's love thy neighbour speech to take place at all - a speech contrasted with tedesco's own, all the style stripped from him, making it clear he is a man who reaches for hate and not compassion. it's a parable!! it takes a tragedy. it takes an act of god.

[devine-fem]

i am BEGGING you to make that jondami ship guide. not because i need anything to make me ship them more than i already do but because they deserve to have their good moments highlighted

Jondami/Damijon shipping guide.

A collective guide to any cute moment between Jon and Damian in DC comics or motion pictures. Any moment that could make a reader like them more as a ship will be put all here in one Tumblr post.

• Superman (2016) Issues #10-#11

This is the first time they meet each other and they immediately knock heads. Jon’s lighter than life personality clashes with Damian’s cold personality and they don’t seem to get along but you can tell there’s something growing behind the eye rolling and tongue clicking… a friendship?

• Superman (2016) Issue #20, #21, #25, #26 (mentioned), and #43.

• Super Sons (2017)

This is the first of the Super Sons series, the series is really short but gold nonetheless. No Super Sons comic that I don’t like but this one is my favorite. They still are knocking heads and refuse to call each other partners but they grow and learn to be heroes together.

• Adventures of the Super Sons (2018)

They slowly start to get used to each other and this comic shows that Damian isn’t just straight up mean but is starting to somewhat ‘like’ Jon.

• Challenge of the Super Sons (2020)

The last main Super Sons comics. This one is fine but I love the others so much. These comics are essential to know Jon and Damian period, it’s the main comics of each others story and in a way they are important to each others development.

• Batman and Superman: Battle of the Super Sons (2022)

Now after all that reading treat yourself to a movie because Jon and Damian got their own movie. This is what started Jon and Damian for a lot of people and this is probably where a lot of you are from. This movie is great and fun. They made Damian wayyy nicer than in the comics and their friendship easier.

• DC Rebirth Holiday Special (2016)

Please find and read this. It’s so cute. I love it so much.

• Dark Nights: Metal issue #3 (2017 -2018)

They make a rock band in the beginning, its so cute.

• DCeased (2019)

• DCeased: The Unkillables (2020)

• DCeased: Hope at World’s End (2020)

• DCeased: Dead Planet (2020)

• DCeased: War of the Undead Gods (2022)

This is such a good series, and story in general please read it. DC peaked with this one and its so angsty. I don’t care what comphet was happening, Jon was there for Damian like no one else. I think Damian ends up with Cassie which is weird to me because Damian has never shown interest in anyone before but I excuse it since it’s not really gonna happen again since they were in a relationship just for the story to be more high stakes and sad. Jon and Damian’s relationship was at the forefront and for comic book readers DCeased made people see the potential in Jondami.

• DC’s Terror Through Time (2022)

This is so cute, please read this. It’s a halloween special and they switch uniforms <3!!

• DC Saved by the Belle Reve (2022)

They help a nonbinary person navigate school and it’s so damn cute.

• The age up incident.

(Disclaimer: You can pretend this never happens and I wouldn’t blame you for doing that.) A writer named Brain Micheal Bendis comes into the writers room for DC and ages up Jon in short. The story is that Superman goes missing (He travels to War World and gets stuck there) and Jor-El comes back to meet Jon and he takes him on a trip to explore space, then they get trapped in a wormhole, Jon gets stuck on Earth-3 and has to fight Ultraman. He’s stuck in a volcano for five or six years and becomes seventeen (we think) when he comes back. This was sad to me because it took away all the potential interactions for Jon and our ability to see him grow up, it was rushed and purposely so. Jon takes up the title of Superman somehow and starts to date some guy named “Jay Nakamura.”

• Superman: Son of Kal-El (2021) Issues: #1, #6, #14, and #15.

He does get a boyfriend here and I think it’s amazing the fact he simply gets a boyfriend but no one really likes his bf so… and the are real reasons why Jay as a character is problematic BUT if you just don't want to see him with someone else than every time you see a pink haired twink, quickly skip.

• Adventures of Superman: Jon Kent

• Super Sons (2017) Special

This is them reuniting after the age up and it shows how Damian reacts to it. I can’t actually find this and if anyone can please let me know where it is. I can only find bits and pieces of it scattered across the internet. All you need to know is that he doesn’t like the age up anymore than us since he says “I miss my friend.” which is really sad to me because the age up ultimately really hurts what people like about their dynamic as well as tarnish Jon’s character almost completely.

UPDATE: found it, it got attached to

• Dark Crisis (2022) till Issue #5

This is fine, after issue four Jon and Damian are not there anymore and if you read half the story just for jon and damian you might as well finish it.

• Green Lantern: Blackstars (2019) issue #2

They hug here. You’re welcome.

• Action Comics (2016) issue #1030

This is the best thing to come from the age up. This is so cute of them.

• Teen Titans (2016) Issue #43, #45, and #46

i didnt really like this, im not gonna lie but it has some damian and jon interaction worth noting with jon being protective over damian.

• Flash (2016) Issue #797

jon defending damian. this is such a cute moment for them. jon talks damian up and says how hes the strongest person he knows and how hes misunderstood.

• Legion of Super Heroes (2019) Issue #2 & #3

dont read this. its rlly bad but this is full of jon being the number one damian apologist, quality jondsmi moments over quantity. worth mentioning • Trinity Special: World’s Finest literally them raising a child together but their ages are a bit wonkey, i still dont personally know what age either of them are supposed to be there...

DC MEETS HANNA-BARBERA - Super Sons x Dynomutt

I’d say they aren’t exactly written right, well over all they are but their personalities are more relaxed and they care about each other a lot and will go out of their way to make sure the other is okay and protect them from danger, make them laugh etc, theres nothing wrong with this, its really cute but you can tell its not the typical jon and damian writers is all. I like it.

• Dark Crisis: The Dark Academy (2023)

• Wonder Woman (2016) Issue #800

- Fandom

Artist that draw Jon and Damian:

(I don’t know any of these accounts intimately so if they’re problematic in any way than I am sorry in advance)

Sheiya Vlad

Pechaghtlecha

Corinthianrm0

Hobiiiebrown

spider-jaysart

arunneronthird

Twitter

Hokke

Gozer

@_1209E

YouTube

Justice Lords Animation

Japanese Animation

Super Sons Meme Animation

- Fanfics

Trust fall by Ididloveyou_once

Those Who Wait by InsaneTrollLogic

moving in stereo by TheResurrectionist

Reasons to Not Fall in Love by nanami

Growing Pains

These are fics I read and liked, I don’t have much. I don’t read a lot of Jondami fan fiction so I insist that you recommend your own fanfiction in the comments. (Don’t hate me for the self promo)

- Music (A silly lil playlist I made for them)

END

[dapperapple]

Mike's crush on El does not necessarily contradict him being gay rather than bi

I wanna start off by clarifying that if you see Mike Wheeler as bisexual rather than gay, THAT'S 1000% VALID don't let anyone take that from you babe

this is just my perspective as a lesbian who thought she was definitely straight until the end of 10th grade (age 16, a bit older than Mike and Will are in canon)

I was rewatching a lot of scenes from the show, mainly s2 and s3, to see if I thought that Mike's feelings for El came across as weird/forced or if their relationship felt off

and honestly it left me (a Byler shipper) pretty confused at first

because YES there are a lot of odd things about his feelings and their relationship

BUT ALSO

there are a few moments that are so cute and feel so genuine I didn't know what to do with them for a sec

mainly all the scenes where they're together at the Snowball dance

because that shit seems real to me, it's cute as fuck, that is a Mileven win right there if there ever was one

and honestly, the forehead touch when she and the Byers are about to leave, and again when they reunite in s4

dude that shit is so sweet okay

(Mileven shippers are valid even if I disagree with it for the narrative)

ANYWAYS here's where my personal experience comes in to help out with my confusion over this

Mike in s1 feels the most obviously comp-het to me

because I had a big crush on a boy in kindergarten, another in gr2/3

I didn't even know what gay people were, I knew girls liked boys, so if a boy was my friendly, and nice to me instead of mean, I probably would've liked him or thought I liked him

Mike in seasons 2-4 reminds me of myself in gr7/8

the most intense crush I had on a guy was in gr7/8

I was more used to being friendly with guys at this point but this guy was becoming a close friend of mine

a cute confident guy who was nice, funny, and taking an active interest in me as a person was like wooaahh

I really do believe that Mike unintenionally idolized El, putting her up on this pedestal, with his self esteem all wrapped up in her liking him back

but I also don't think that's his fault, when you're young you don't know any better

the pressure to date starts to increase a bit, and low self esteem is kicking your ass

I did the exact same thing with the guy I liked, I had this whole other version of him in my head and I started liking him less and less the more he didn't act like that ideal

(insert Mike's behavior towards El after she assaulted Angela)

even after I figured out that the kind of person and the kind of connection I wanted in a relationship was something I was far more likely to find with a girl, I still thought I was straight, so it just made me kind of sad

like- I had resigned myself to the fact that I would struggle to find a guy that I TRULY liked

maybe it was lingering internalized homophobia, idk, I had lots of gay friends, but I just hadn't felt that way about any girl at all before, I didn't think I was capable of being attracted to girls

and then there was her

we became very close friends, she was such a kind person, so fucking funny, an incredibly skilled artist, and absolutely gorgeous

and it finally clicked

finally my mind registered the fact that I COULD be attracted to girls

I still consider her my first love

and then there was no turning back

WHICH IS WHY

I wouldn't be surprised AT ALL if it takes Will coming out to Mike/the party in order for him to consider Will romantically

not because he isn't already in love with him subconsciously

but because I don't think he has registered it as a possibility for EITHER of them

moral of the story:

COMPULSIVE HETEROSEXUALITY IS REAL GUYS AND IT CAN FEEL MORE REAL THAN YOU'D EXPECT

especially since when you're young, the differences between boys and girls (both physically and how we're socialized) are much less apparent

MIKE WHEELER I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE (because me too!!)

[kingjasnah]

i slept on it but im trying to pull my thoughts together. overall i had a good time reading wind and truth and it's just nice to finally get lore based answers on stuff from like a million years ago, this is the first stormlight book that didn't leave me with more questions than answers. i felt like the lack of distinct chapter povs was a choice i didn't love but i guess it made sense to get that feeling of like. what do you guys call it. like the book was a 1300 page no breaks sanderlanch. lots of first time info on the shards in the epigraphs. i feel like one of the only points of contention i had was the lack of gravitas given to characters like el and yeah actually moash who were hinted to have some insane stuff coming down but like. el fell flat for me man idk. adolin chapters were great. szeth backstory was great it really gave video game rpg energy. jasnah vs taravangian felt like a welcome return back to what i considered the crux of the series. may aladar surprise dark horse MVP of the book. shallan/ren/rlain was also great and i wasn't expecting to like the shallan chapters. sigzil stuff was devastating. maybe slightly too much reliance on reprising iconic lines from the previous four books but i was clapping and cheering so they did get me lol. more than anyone i was happiest with the way shallan ended up, it was almost exactly the time skip ending i foresaw for her even if it is a little sad. oh at least TWO major theories that have existed since oathbringer were CONFIRMED. i don't know how i feel about the ending at all tbh because it was something i feel like we all guessed would happen back in words of radiance and then. well it happened. and it kinda sucks but well it also felt very inevitable. genuine highlight of the book was adolin's candelabra

[hsangel64]

bandmates pt. 7 !

pairings: bassist!ellie williams x fem!reader

summary: it’s been a couple of weeks and you and ellie were officially together but ellie has been acting suspicious and it feels like you're together only behind closed doors.

warnings: angst angst angst (sorry !!), cussing, slight smut, use of y/n

a/n: i am trying my best to be back and write, ive been in the process of moving and i just got in the mindset to write!! I had a plan for this and then stopped writing this for a while so this series will have more than just a couple of chapters left, i'm not sure yet!! anyways good to be back hope you enjoy!!

you and ellie were doing fine, great even! but only in your guys' room. you have been so happy the past few weeks, but it was starting to feel a little off. you didn't think much of it but that still didn't stop that small anxious pit in your stomach from forming. you liked ellie so much and was so happy this was finally reality that you didn't see the red flags ahead of time.

"do we really have to go to this stupid get together?" ellie whined and you giggled.

"yes unfortunately we do, speaking of which we need to get up really soon to get ready." ellie groaned and turned away from you and got out of bed. she walked over to her closet while pouting and grabbed some clothes considering we were only in underwear....

you sat up and grabbed an outfit from your closet. ellie came up from behind you and kissed your cheek and made her way down to your neck. you giggled and squished her face in your neck, you tried to push her away, but she fought against your small weak nudges.

"ellie we can't, we have to go dina and jesse really want us there to meet these people."

"we could be late." she said in that sultry voice she puts on. you felt a shiver down your spine and so badly wanted to fall for it but you knew how much this meant to dina and didn't want to let her down.

"no els we gotta go i don't want to let dina down." you laughed as she kept kissing you neck and reaching down you back. she turned you around and kissed your lips, you melted into her mouth and couldn't resist the urge to just go for yet another round of the day, but you fought back and slowly pulled away. you gave her that look a sad puppy dog would give and she groaned and then smiled at you.

"ugh fine, only because you're cute and i love you." you let out a small gasp, ellie hadn't said i love you yet. a small smile made it to your face and she smiled back.

"i love you too." you smiled at each other and kissed again, you both went on and got ready for the get together.

----

you two were sitting on the couch together next to dina and jesse at someone's house you didn't know, you just wanted to be home with ellie. the air felt super awkward and ellie felt a little distant. you didn't think much of that until you all introduced yourselves.

"this is ellie and y/n!" dina introduced us to everyone else and they all collectively said hello.

"how did you all meet?" one of the girls asked and ellie answered.

"y/n and i have been friends since before we could remember and met dina and jesse in high school band class. we all became really good friends and formed our band, coastal."

"that's really cool, you guys all seem so close is it just dina and jesse together? some girl asked while making flirty eyes with ellie.

"yeah it is, me and y/n are best friends and i wouldn't have it any other way." your face shifted and you gently whipped your head towards ellie in a questioning way, she was already looking at the girl with that same flirty look and you turned away and excused yourself to the bathroom. dina noticed your change in behavior and decided to follow after you. you quickly made your way to the bathroom before dina could make it in and you closed the door in front of her face.

"babes are you okay? what happened?" you tuned her questions out and your mind drifted. you could tell something was wrong, you knew it felt weird that you two weren't going on dates or that she acted different outside of the dorm. you saw all the red flags but was too oblivious to see what was going on. your eyes slowly filled with tears and you didn't even realize you were crying until you snapped back into reality and heard dina bang on the door.

"hey, are you okay what's going on??" you turned and opened the door, dina gasped and pushed her way into the room seeing your state.

'what's going on, talk to me." she held your face and wiped your tears, you felt so overwhelmed with emotions and couldn't make out the words so you said.

"ellie is an asshole." she looked at you saddened and nodded her head saying i know, she grabbed you and pulled you into her. you silently cried into the crook of her neck and just felt so angry. you were mad at yourself for thinking this was going to work. you didn't want to cry anymore about it so you gently pulled away and turned to the faucet and wiped your face down of the mascara streaks. dina helped you pull yourself together and you both made your way back into the living room. everyone was preoccupied with mario kart on the tv and didn't even notice you two coming back. you sat down on the couch next to jesse and dina occupied the spot next to ellie. she turned over and looked at you and nodded her head asking if you were okay. you looked away and dina pushed her head towards the tv and diverted her attention away from you.

for the rest of the time you guys were there you sat on the couch with your back against the cushion and your head slouched. dina tried her best to stop ellie from talking to you and left you alone till you guys left.

----

when you guys were getting ready to leave you all said your goodbyes and you saw ellie and that girl exchange numbers, you felt sick to your stomach and didn't want to face her in the car. you turned away and walked out of the house without anyone, you guys weren't to far from the dorm so you just decided to walk on your own.

as you walked you made it to the gas station right by the school so you stopped for a slushy. you walked in and grabbed the biggest size, you needed this. you also grabbed some ice cream and made your way out. you sat on the curb for a little and pulled out your phone to a million notifications.

40 texts from ellie, 20 missed calls from dina, it all felt too much. so you texted dina and said you were fine and just decided to walk home. dina proceeded to cuss you out in your texts and raved about how dangerous that was for you to walk alone by yourself. you rolled your eyes and got up from the curb and walked to rest of the way towards the campus.

you found your way back and checked their locations to see they were home so you just knocked on the door. ellie answered and quickly let you in. you made your way to your shared room and grabbed some clothes.

"hey what happened back there?" she quietly asked and you rolled your eyes. you made your way to the shower but not before ellie squeezed her way through the door.

"bee what's wrong?" she grabbed your arm and you felt sick, you pushed her away and started to take your makeup off before your shower. she put her hand back on you and you pushed her away again getting frustrated now.

"why do you keep pushing me away, what happened back there?" you pushed her away hard and felt that tickle in your throat. you grumbled and said wouldn't you like to know under your breath, but it wasn't very quiet, so she heard.

"what do you mean? i would like to know. what's up with you?"

"i don't know ellie you tell me."

"I don't know y/n that's why i'm asking." you rolled your eyes starting to get more frustrated with her.

"maybe it was the fact that you just called me your friend and not your girlfriend?? i guess i missed something but i thought us having sex all the time and calling each other girlfriends meant just friends."

"i just called you best friend it isn't a big deal i'm sorry." she didn't sound sorry.

"it's a big deal to me ellie."

"well, i'm sorry." she shrugged and you scoffed at her nonchalant movement.

“i really don’t want to deal with this can you please leave i want to shower.” she didn’t pick up a fight and left. you sighed and wiped your face from any left over tears. you made your way into the shower and let the warm water help you forget about your thoughts for just one second.

————

a/n: i’m sorry this was short !! it was more of a filler before we get into some good angst and drama!! chapter 8 and possibly 9 will be out tomorrow!!

taglist:

@gold-dustwomxn @lil-elliesgf @hopelesssheaven @elliestears @cjrights

[gayofthefae]

Let's do a major contrast I've somehow overlooked. Let's talk WILL'S confession versus Mike's.

Mike and El both express self doubt as prompting for Will and Mike to tell them their feelings to make them love themselves.

But Mike tells Will he feels like El doesn't need him. In response, Will tells him that he lights up the people around him and is their guiding light. In conclusion: he is needed. He says this after "of course she'll need you, she'll always need you" fails.

On the other hand, El tells Mike that she feels like an unlovable monster and he responds that she isn't unlovable and isn't a monster. Essentially, the same direct response that failed for Will (so it's a good thing she already got to self love before he got there).

Mike said he felt unlovable and Will described the definition of love in great detail with him as the subject and concluded by pointing out that what he just described was love. El said she felt unlovable and Mike said that he did love her. He didn't include a personal story - No. He didn't. He included a length of time.

Read that again

Mike absolutely did not tell a story of loving El. He dated his love for. He said 'I have loved you since that one time you looked sweet in that big t shirt'. That was a memory identifier. Even shippers know the shirt isn't what MADE him fall in love with her, it was just endearing.

Mike never told El a story. He did not use a SINGLE EXAMPLE.

Will's speech breakdown was:

You bring light [my life]. You brighten [my] days when [I'm] feeling sad. Being without you is a burden for [me] but having you back is such a joy - so much so that the idea of losing you is terrifying and can make [me] impulsive and avoidant. All that has a name. It's love.

Mike's speech breakdown was:

I love you. You think that I don't but I do. I couldn't say it because I was scared but you're more important now. I do love you. I have for two years. Remember two years ago? I do. You're wonderful so please please don't die on me you're so important to me.

And when you see them next to each other like that. Mike's is just the bare bones of Will's...just without any deepening of it. He doesn't describe the emotions he experiences once. But he does go "your self doubt is wrong, compliment, personal story, I was scared, I love you", which is what he got from Will's. Whether he believes himself to be copying Will's words or copying El's, he's taking a speech he was as romantic and mimicking it.

We've seen the van scene a hundred times but Mike hasn't. Will said "you're the heart" and it gave him an idea. So he reapplied the details and quoted a long speech said to him 12 hours prior to the best of his ability of the top of his head.

Because people in real life don't remember monologues said to them like that. Mike probably remembers the most important phrases to him like "you're the heart" but besides that he remembers "you're wrong, personal story, compliment, I was scared, I love you - and when he said I felt really loved".

He's got an emotional memory and because of the recency a pretty clear memory of the speech's structure. He remembers the exact structure and he remembers that it worked, so he uses it. Will reminded him of a love confession that worked to cure self doubt so he uses it.

His confession isn't just plagiarism. It's his best regurgitation. But the only feeling behind it was the desperation for it to work, so it lacks everything it needs to because unlike Will, he doesn't know why he's saying each piece. He doesn't know the story is supposed to be an example of what loves feels like, he just knows there was a story and it worked on him so he thinks of a story and puts it in cliche romantic wording.

Mike's speech is Will's speech if you asked someone who didn't know the justification for any part of it to recite it back to you technically.

"Wrong, story, compliment, scared, love"

[sthavoc]

watched ariana's new mv and was thinking maybe enzo angst where his ex writes the song + mv and he's trying to get into contact with her because he still loves her

࿔* 📞 𝐋𝐄𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐍 | ENZO VOGRINCIC

·˚ ༘ pairing: desperate!enzo x singer!fem!reader

·˚ ༘ summary: after listening to your new song and watching the music video, Enzo attempts his best to reach out to you, but there’s no answer from you.

·˚ ༘ warnings: angst, man crying, desperation, heartbreak, feeling of anxiety.

·˚ ༘ note: I was watching the mv for the first time to get a vision and it touched my heart. imagine just being able to easily erase the memories of a person that you don’t want anymore with just a test? this one is sad for me… idk how I wrote this for enzo.. lloro

It was very clear to Enzo from the moment the relationship ended, that he would give you your space, but there would be a moment where he would try and fight for you. Didn’t matter if it took days, weeks, months, or years. The man would fight.

But his world crumbled after he listened to your new song, and watched the music video.

We can’t be friends.

The term the both of you had agreed to stay at least for the moment. Why did you change your mind? What made it different? And did you really feel like you couldn’t be your complete self around him?

Just thinking about all these questions had Enzo’s head spinning around, with nothing else in his apartment but the laptop in front of him, and your voice coming out of the small speakers. He felt the lump in his throat building with the tears up in his eyes.

He had at least replayed the video three times, going on the fourth. The last scene would hit him like a stone wall that would increase its strength after counting how many times he would come back to it. If it was possible and the naked eye could see, or even the ear could hear so very clearly the sound of his heart breaking, it would sound like a million mirrors smashing all at once. Nothing would be able to stop them apart from you.

The tear ran down his cheek, almost coming close to his lip. He was able to taste the saltiness. His knee trembled nonstop, up and down, with hands clasped in front and resting them on his knee. Debates after debates about whether he should call you or not. His phone was only next to his computer.

He shouldn’t. He shouldn't push your boundaries, but he just wanted to hear your voice and talk about the situation. So he picked up the phone and dialed your number. He let it ring. With his heart hanging on his hand and the feeling of the anxiety of not knowing if you would pick up or not.

And yeah, no answer.

“Please leave your voice message—” voicemail.

Should he leave a voicemail? Or call again? He would call again. If you don’t pick up he’ll leave a voicemail. And so he did, but no answer. Only this time it didn’t even ring. His call was sent straight to voicemail.

“Ehm, hola bonita. Escuché tu nueva canción y quería decir que está muy buena, y el— el vídeo también.” He could feel the swelling growing again, making it hard for him to speak, and swallow. “Solo quería saber si podías hablar por unos minutos pero me imagino que estás ocupada.” He bit his upper lip in an attempt to not let the tears fall, but even as soon as his eyes closed, his lashes let go of the tears. “Regrésame la llamada cuando puedas. ¿Sí?— te quiero… chau.” He pressed the red button.

Sobs were being mixed with your voice singing in the background, and Enzo sitting back down on his couch. The palms of his hands were placed on his eyes as he forced them back trying to stop the tears. That even when he opened his eyes he was seeing stars from the pressure he had added. But there was nothing, nothing could stop them.

He let the minutes pass, and the sniffles continued, with a constant check-up on his phone and still no answer from you. He grabbed his phone from the coffee table again, going into your contact. The photo he had taken of you lying down in bed with his shirt on had remained his contact photo. He didn’t have the guts to change it or even the contact name he had you under. He still had you as ‘mi chiquita’.

He dialed your number for the third time after what had been almost an hour now. He hoped this time you would pick up. But to his luck, it sent him to voicemail, again. This made it no different.

“Nena, por favor… devolmeme la llamada. Se que no queres hablar conmigo pero solo quiero que me expliques si todo lo que decís en esa canción es verdad.” He didn’t even take a moment to breathe as he spoke into the line. “Me estoy volviendo loco. Dejame arreglarlo, sea lo que sea, dame una oportunidad para cambiar las cosas. Te lo ruego.” His fingers gripped the strands of his dark hair. Knuckles were turning white from the lack of blood that dispersed around it.

He stared at his laptop that had other videos of you plastered on the screen and your icon photo on the corner. “Quisiera poder haberme dado cuenta de todo esto cuando estábamos juntos. Tal ves, hubiera sido diferente— las cosas hubieran sido diferentes.” There was a pause in his sentence, but when he was about to start talking again his voicemail cut off. Saying the limit had been reached.

Great.

Enzo felt as if he had let you down. Even now, through the whole relationship. He wanted to fight for your love, but it wasn’t up to him anymore. It was you. You had the final word.

But if your answer was to ever be the opposite of yes, Enzo wouldn't know what he would do with himself.

Either way, something inside him told him he had lost you, that he had to give it up because there was nothing he could do that would get you back.

“El día de nuestra luna de miel, te voy a llevar al mar, y te mostraré, que la forma en la que las olas chocan contra la orilla, es la forma en cómo el amor que siento por vos choca contra todo dentro mí, derrumbándome ante tu disposición.”

Guess that day will never come.

[aurana-i]

I’m genuinely concerned about gw*nriels who say “Gw*n will change Az! He’s a f-boy now, he feels entitled to Elain, she’s his rebound but Gw*n will change him and they will heal together”

Like… are you for real rn?🙈

First of all, have you met f-boys in real life before? Good luck trying to change those, cause girl, you can’t change anyone! No matter how good and light and bubbly and this and that you think you are, sorry to break it to you, but you’re not special. Fboys stay fboys no matter how hard you try.

Second of all, “change”? I will speak words of wisdom of a wonderful SJM man : “You cannot pick and choose which part of her (or him in that case) to love”. When you love you don’t try to change anything in your partner you just learn to accept and adapt. A person changes only when it their own decision. And if Azriel in your opinion is a “fuck boy” then he will stay this way and his lovers should accept it.

If you say that Elain is Azriel’s rebound from Mor, then Gw*n is his rebound from Elain?😃 it’s your logic after all, why would Gw*n be different? Oh, because she’s his “mate”? The mate he didn’t care about for 2 years after her SA? The mate he didn’t give 2 fucks about when she was taken to a blood rate and had all chances at being SAd again and killed? You sure you understand a mating bond correctly? Suddenly, she will be special and heal him in his book (lol, yeah, sure)

Also, most importantly, you really want Gw*n of all fuckin characters in the series, who suffered from the actual SA, to… change… A MAN?! Who is a… FBOY?! ☠️ What is wrong with yall , do you hear yourselves? Do you not realise how messed up this is?

Cut with this saviour complex bs, it’s embarrassing and pathetic 🙄

Honestly, the amount of mischaracterisation of Az , Elain and Gw*n and even Lu*ien from gw*riles and el*ciens I witness every day is astonishing. Let me break it down to you:

Azriel is the opposite of an entitled fuckboy. To be an entitled fboy you need to have an ego and a self esteem the size of a mountain which Azriel doesn’t have.

Elain is not boring, is not weak, is not anyone’s rebound. Elain had a build up for several book already. She’s made, she’s a Seer, she’s an Archeron sister and the loveliest of them all and could bring kings to their knees with just a few smiles. She’s 10 times more important to the books than a random priestess.

Gw*n is not interested in Azriel or in any man.

Lulu is not interested in Elain nor does she in him. The only man she expressed interest in is Az who is obsessed with her.

What in these canon statements can’t you understand? How are Elriels the ones with “no reading comprehension skills” when your dumb statements exist? It’s not like yall are 10 y.o. and we try to explain to you quantum physics in Mandarin, right? The books are really simple to understand but yall prefer to have ships which are based on 10 year old interviews and one BC. What a joke.

[your-girl-mj]

The Truth prt 2.1 [42!Miles Morales x Spiderwoman!reader]

summary: ending chosen: you told him the truth.

warning: few curses(?)

note: written in 3rd point of view, she/her for reader, he/him for miles.

created: july 26, 2023

published: july 27, 2023.

main story | other ending.

— Ending chosen:

tell him the truth

lie for his safety

"¡ay bendito!" he shouted, his hands almost pulling his braids out as he ran his hand on his head. "enough with your bullshit excuses! if it's not true, then what is the truth? tell me." he demanded, infuriated.

"why are you being so difficult?!" [name]'s legs finally gave up, squating down on the floor. physically and mentally exhausted. her hands are pressed on her ears as tears start to flood her lids, unable to control it as she is tired from everything. everything is too much for her right now. too much screaming.

miles sighed, rubbing his nape and looking down at his love. he matched her current height, sitting down in front, he opened his arms. as much as his anger is unbearable, his love for her is much more.

slowly but surely, she crawled her way to him and hugged him dearly. "I would never.." she continued to cry, "i love you... and only you." she sobbed, burying her head in his neck.

"i know." he answered, caressing her shoulder with a sad smile. he regrets what he said. he hates it. he hates every single thing he says, but what can he do? his anxiety is kicking in.

"then why would you say that?!" her voice is wobbly, but the anger is present. she's glaring hard at him. she pulled away from him, but he's still close by.

"because i know when you lie." he said firmly, his head soon drop as he sighed for the nth time for the last hour. "[name], we've been friends for six years and been dating for two years. i know you like the back of my hand."

"if you know me, then you'll know I'll never cheat." the girl's lips are formed into a straight line as her brows frown. the corner of her eyes, as well as nose, are flushed with red from crying.

"i know.. lo sé, mi vida. lo siento.. lo siento." enveloping both of her hands in his, he kissed her knuckles, one by one. "i was losing my mind at that time... please." [i know, my life. I'm sorry.. I'm sorry.]

she enjoyed every single one of his little peaks, "miles... i can't really tell you.."

his palm made contact with her cheek, thumb sweetly catching the liquid droplets. "we tell each other everything, why is this any different?"

her lips are trembling as she tries to hold a sob. "miles..." shaking her head no, she doesn't want to risk it. she loves him too much.

"cariño, por favor.." he kissed her. they both close their eyes in the process. [name] let out a little cry in his mouth before they pulled away. "you know you can tell me anything." [darling, please..]

"i'm just... so scared." she whispered, more tears to fall as the images of miles in her arms because she told him. she knows he's willing to sacrifice everything for her, and she knows he's willing to risk his life for her. just like she does for him every single day. "i can't lose you..."

"no me perderás, hermosa." he kisses her temple before pulling her into an embrace. his mind can't find any situation that will make you break up with him. "i won't let you go, i love you too much." [you won't lose me, beautiful.]

frustrated sigh left her lips as she shook her head. "you don't understand.." She clenched his shirt, his shoulder soaked with her tears from earlier. her face is now dry, as she started to get back to her senses bit by bit. she hates how she can't explain the whole thing.

"then let me understand." he kisses her forehead, holding her close. the guy was met with silence, clicking his tongue, and he rested his head on hers. "amor, sabes que odio pelear contigo... ¿cuál es el propósito de estar juntos cuando no tenemos confianza? ¿eh?" his accent is always calming to you, especially when he talks like this, caressing your shoulder as he speaks. [love, you know I hate fighting with you... what's the point of being together when we don't have trust? hm?]

[name] looked at him with uncertainties, she's hesitating. she's hesitating too much, and he can see it. "take your time. te amo, mamí." he kissed her again. [i love you, mami]

she couldn't help but melt at the old nickname, "yo tambien te amo, papí." miles smiled. he loves that nickname. [i love you too, papi]

it has been a little too over 3 minutes, that miles thought she'll never confess to him about the truth. before she opened her mouth, but words were left on her throat. [name] felt like a fool. she's been gathering up her courage, but she can't utter two simple words. she mouthed one, yet mute. "i'm.."

"you're...?" miles encouraged. she is still having a hard time confessing, and she hates how stupid she looks. "oh shit, don't tell me you're the prowler?" he teased, fully knowing [name] knows he and his unlce aaron are the prowler.

she lightly hit him, scoffing, "it's quite the opposite, actually." she beamed at him, the pressure on telling him is suddenly liften up.

"oh fuck, you're kingpin?!" he made a fake shock expression, a little too exaggerated in her opinion. it kinda reminds her how he was before his dad died.

"shut up," she nudged him, and the two fell into a fit of small laughs. the tension is lifting up by the second they spend together. she took a sharp exhale befire uttering: "i'm spiderwoman." her gaze was quick for his reaction.

but he stared at her blankly, "did mom put you up to this comic-con thing?" he rubbed his face. it's a little too early for something like this.

"what? no, miles—" [name] swiftly took of her (miles') jacket, revealing him fully her suit underneath. but he already stood up, making his way to the kitchen with his girl on his tail. "— look!" gesturing her suit.

"i'm just gonna get us some water, be right back." she rolled her eyes at his comment. he wanted the truth, she gave him the truth, but the asshole is not believing her. she frustrated, mad even. she finally gathers up the courage to tell him, and he won't even believe her.

she shoot a web on his back with a tiny pwip noise, then harshly pulled him back to her, "oh motherf—" he almost cursed at the sudden move, and his chest collided with hers, though his impact did her not damage when almost his full weight came crashing towards her.

startled by the sticky web, "what the—?!" another pwip was heard, [name] shoot a web to the remote that was near them, and it retrieved it to her.

she then toss it near a wall behind him and shot it with a flick of a wrist. the remote is stuck on the wall with her webs, helping it stick. "holy shit—" miles exclaimed again as he witnessed it, turning around to face his girl but met with clothes on the floor.

miles swiftly looked around and met with his girl's face upside down. "do you believe me now?!" she asked, with a frown, her arms crossed over her chest. she's wearing her suit with her mask off, which explains the clothes on the floor.

he looked up, seeing her standing on the ceiling. she's even tapping her feet, impatient with his answer. her frown stared to turn into a worried one, "what? you're not gonna say anything?" her hair sway in the air, with every strand being pulled by gravity.

she's spiderwoman, alright.

"metal." he utter as he fully take her in, a small beam capture her lips. miles snort a laugh out, mirroring her smile. "does anyone else know about... you being a weirdo?" a tease is present, his smile turned into a smirk when she rolled her eyes.

"you're mean, mr. prowler." [name] poked his forehead repeatedly and only stopped when he sway her hand away. "no one knows. except you, i guess." a cocky grin tug his lips, making her scowl, "oh god—"

"i feel a bit special right now. don't take it away." he peaked her forehead. his cocky attitude is still intact.

"you only know because you technically forced me," [name] shrugged, circling his figure. her feet still stick on the ceiling. "you didn't expect it, huh?"

"i didn't," he confirmed, nodding as he followed her face by spinning around as he spoke. "i'm - i'm impressed. my girl is the heroine of the city." he proudly announced in the quiet apartment. his face soon turned into a gentle frown, "you risk your life every day..."

spiderwoman then sighed, turning away from him, her steps came halt. "miles, no matter what you say, i'm not gonna stop being the -"

"friendly neighbourhood, spiderwoman." he finished for her, "i know, mamí." with a finger, he turned her head to face him, gently caressing her cheek in process. "i'm just worried for you."

"i'll be fine," smiling comfortably, "you know me, i always get up no matter what.." she captured his lips with tip toes, but shooting a web on the ceiling to stable herself. the iconic spider kiss. the two lovers catch their breaths once pulled away, [name] smirked, "i've always wanted to do that."

miles chuckled and shook his head, his braid sway in the motion. "gotta say, mamí, i know why hobo is after my girl."

[name] mask her wince with a giggle, shaking her head. she reached a hand to caress his cheek, and she beamed at the sight of him snuggling for her warmth. "sorry to ruin it, but hobie knew before you." she pursed her lips, biting her the inside of her cheeks as his soft stare formed to shock before it became a frown.

"you little shit," the girl couldn't stop the laugh from coming, when her boyfriend begun to walk away,

"mi corazón~!" she called in a teasing tone, jumping down with a thud she chased after him as he made his way to the kitchen for water. she attacked his back with an embrace, she stuck her feet on the ground, preventing him from moving anymore away from her. "te amo, papí." [my heart~!] [i love you, papi]

miles let out and exaggerated sigh, he peaked behind him, seeing his girlfriend who was smiling innocently at him. "you have destroyed my trust. you may let go of me, peasant."

"milessss!" she let him drag her on the floor. he's being dramatic, and he knows it. he's just being petty. "he's from work, of course he knows!" [name] quickly explained, her hold is still not losing one bit. "he's another spider!"

he took a sharp turn to her way, with a confuse expression, "how many spider-people are there?" the girl only smirks, knowing this is gonna be a looooong morning.

[just-my-latest-hyperfixation]

A promise kept

Written for the @steddieholidaydrabbles, day 8

Prompt: Idiots to lovers

Rated: G

Tags: Childhood friends to lovers; Mistaken identity; Fluff; Modern AU if you squint

CW: none

Notes: @house-of-the-moving-image and I came up with this while bouncing ideas for another drabble and fell instantly in love with the idea. Be sure to also check out the precious art they made!!!

The bars of the jungle gym creak but Steve doesn’t lift his face from his hunched knees.

“Hey, big boy, don't cry.” 

“‘m not crying. Go away!”

This is ridiculous. He's almost eight, and eight-year-old boys don't cry. Not even if their only friend in the whole world just told them they're moving away to live with their uncle. 

They don't even know each other’s names. Names don't matter when you're eight and you're both at the park and looking for someone to play with. 

So Steve is big boy. 

And his friend … well, Steve mostly calls him his dragon.

It's because of this game they have. Steve is a king and the other boy his dragon and the jungle gym their castle, and every day, they have a new adventure. 

Except now, there won't be any more adventures.

“Oh? But how am I supposed to give you this?” 

Steve lifts his head, goes a bit cross-eyed at the flower that's hovering right in front of his face. 

“What would I want with that?” he snaps. “Flowers are for girls.” 

His dragon chuckles as he joins him on his perch. The playground stretches out under them. Their kingdom. 

“But this isn't just any flower. It's magical.” 

Steve wrinkles his nose. “Magical?” 

“Yup!” His friend's face breaks into a grin, two teeth short. “As long as you keep it, I'll always make my way back to you. It may take a while, but I'll find you eventually.” 

“Promise?” Steve murmurs. There's a lump in his throat and it comes out small and quiet.

“I promise.” The other boy winks and tugs the flower behind his ear. “That I'll find you, and that I'll always be your dragon. And now, my king … how about one final adventure?” 

*

The colors of the jungle gym are faded with age. Like the pressed flower in its frame on his bedroom wall. 

“Oh hey, Steve!” 

Steve looks up from the book in his lap to find a familiar someone next to their picnic blanket.

“Eddie, hi!” He smiles, even as his stomach drops. “I … what are you doing here?” 

“Steve?” Will asks, ogling Eddie's tattoos and wild hair with large eyes. “Who's this?” 

“Oh, erm …” Steve runs an awkward hand through his hair. “My friend Eddie. He just moved here. Eddie, this is Will and El, the kids I babysit?” 

“Of course,” Eddie dips into a bow, which makes the twins giggle. “Steve has told me all about you.” 

“Do you want to sit with us?” El asks. “Steve is reading the How to train your dragon books to us.” 

“Fuck yeah, I love dragons!” Eddie cheers. Only he doesn’t sit on the blanket like a normal person - he perches himself on the steps of the jungle gym and hisses, pulling a silly face and mimicking claws with his hands. El whoops and claps while Will smiles shyly. Steve needs to swallow against the memories that threaten to crawl up his throat. 

*

“Was it alright to invite Eddie?” El asks. They've finished reading for the day and she helped Steve get snow cones. “You said he's your friend, but you seem sad when you look at him.”

Steve sighs.

“It's okay,” he says, because how do you explain this to a seven-year-old? 

How do you explain I only met him a few weeks ago but I really like him and it confuses me because it seems like I've known him forever because he reminds me so much of someone I used to know and I'm scared because it feels like I'm betraying that person even though I'm sure they've long forgotten about me?

Will is up on the jungle gym when they round the corner, beaming from ear to ear and talking animatedly with Eddie, who is gesturing up at him from the ground. 

“El!” he calls out when he spots his sister. She smiles and clambers up to join him, handing over one of the dripping snow cones. “Eddie has the best ideas. He just told me about this game he used to play as a kid. Did you know the jungle gym could be a castle and we could be kings and dragons? What do you want to be? We could-” 

“Steve?” 

Someone touches his shoulder and he flinches back into his own body. Eddie’s voice is full of concern, and okay, that's probably because he just dropped their snow cones. They're forming rainbow-colored puddles in the grass. 

“Stevie, c'mon, talk to me! You're freaking me out here!”

He snaps his head up. 

“Oh, thank fuck,” Eddie smiles. His eyes are large with worry. Large and brown and crinkling at the corners and so familiar and Steve's an idiot. “You just zoned out there, I thought-” 

“It's you,” Steve mutters. His hands are shaking and his eyes are stinging and then the next thing he knows is that his arms are around Eddie’s neck and he's sobbing into his shoulder. “Holy fuck, it's really you! You're my dragon!” 

“Wait, what?” Eddie pulls back, smile wide and incredulous. His fingers wipe away Steve’s tears, trace the shape of his cheekbones and jaw. “You're- Shit, really? I knew you looked familiar, but I thought there was no way-” 

“I was feeling so bad!” Steve blurts, chest heaving with what might be sobs or laughter, and who cares really, when he found his dragon again? “I was so scared to fall for you because-” 

“Oh?” Eddie’s grin isn't missing any teeth, but it's still just as brilliant. “Are you now?” 

“Huh?” 

Eddie chuckles. “Falling for me?” 

Steve feels himself flush, even as he gives a shaky nod. Eddie’s eyes are soft as he pulls him in. 

“It's okay, big boy. You don't have to be afraid of anything while I'm around.”

“This is really weird,” El whispers from somewhere above them as their lips meet. “I don't think they understand how being friends works.”

All my holiday drabbles