#this made me feel a lot more emotions than I was expecting it to lol
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Youâve slept in the same bed together, gone on long road trips crammed next to each other in the back seat of someoneâs rickety old car, and seen each other naked on the rare occasion when your more impulsive friends decide to go skinny dipping in the middle of the night during a camping trip.Â
So why was this momentâhere swaying in his arms to some nondescript, retro love songâso incredibly potent for you. Why did it feel like your heart was being inflated like a party balloon and twisted into the vague shape of a poodle?Â
since now I even work on Sundays (and it makes me miserable) I decided to finally read this!! and as I was expecting it made me feel a little better <333
you always eat mads
I really hope my boss wasn't seeing me through the CCCTV bc I was giggling crying gagging
I'm copying my notes exactly how I wrote them as I was reading so all of this probably won't make any sense
hoshi being late because his dishwasher was going crazy is my favorite thing, being a chaotic adult isn't easy
I'm hoshi
when seulgi was mentioned I was like "where else was she a character?" And I thought it was on 'ritual' but it was on can't help myself *sobs while waiting for chapter 2*
I LOVE FRIENDSHIP SO MUCH
"It was how most morningsâafternoons, evenings, nightsâwere spent between the four of you (five, when Seulgi was around). Helping each other as much as you hindered and teased. Being in the same ameobus friend group since the early days of college will do that. The familiarity is almost too potent at times. You knew the ins and outs of each other. Every weakness, every strength, and every potential."
i love how the friendship wasn't only described as a whole but also a you described the character's personality individually
made me appreciate them more as a reader
seulgi my queen women for the winââ
jeonghan watching it all go down lmao I know he knows something more
It's me I'm the friends to lovers cliché lover they're referring to
the conversation about the back storyđđđ that must've been so awkward when you're actually in love with the friend you're pretending to date
I LOVE THAT PEOPLE ARE LIKE 'ABOUT TIME' after they started to "date"
I hated that oc wanted to break up with him right there bc mingyu was hotđđ
but I guess I would too if o was pretending to date my friend and mingyu just showed up
I KNEW JEONGHAN KNEW he ate with that 'this is what you get for playing with feelings'
I fucking hate oc fucking bitch
I know cheol almost choke when oc said he was jealous lol
not him still having the old-ass shirtđ„ș
CHEOL ASKING OC TO MAKE A CHOICE I WOULD DIE
mingyu didn't get laid :(((
I guess mingyu is me and I'm mingyu :/
mads I just hope you know that everything you write stays with me for a long time: characters, stories, situations <333
I NEED MORE OF THIS FRIEND GROUP
other peopleâs weddings | choi seungcheol
pairing: seungcheol x fem!reader, some mingyu x fem!reader other cast: soonyoung, jeonghan, seulgi, johnny (sorry to johnny for this), saerom cameo, jihoon mention genre: rom com, fake dating au, slight love triangle au, friends to lovers, idiots to idiots in love warnings: language, mature themes, some suggestive content sprinkled throughout and allusions to sex (nothing explicit at all), reader uses she/her pronouns throughout word count: 15.6k
âRemind me again: which wedding is this one?â you ask, head resting in your palm as you sit at your best friendâs kitchen table at 10:30am in your emerald green (and slightly stained) cocktail dress.Â
Seungcheol glances at you in the reflection of the mirror in front of him, hands halting briefly in the process of tying his bright blue tie. âYou didnât bother to look at the invitation this morning?â His expression straddles the line between bemusement and annoyance. An expression youâve come to know quite well over your many years of friendship.Â
âNo,â you shrug, taking a small sip from your iced caramel macchiato. He audibly sighs. A performance of his annoyance with youâanother thing youâve gotten used to. âYou know where weâre going, and since Iâm going with you, I just have to show up and look pretty.â you wink at him as he levels you with a slight glare and furrowed brows. âDonât look at me like that, we have likeâŠsix weddings to go to this summer.â Seungcheol rolls his eyes at the exaggeration before turning his attention back to the strip of fabric hanging around his neck.Â
Keep reading
#i know partying with hoshi would be fun#this made me feel a lot more emotions than I was expecting it to lol
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actually first ep of Voyager where Janeway talks to Tuvok about how his family misses him is that when she says they Worry about him Tuvok contradicts her and claims that Vulcans don't do that but when she corrects and says they Miss him he accepts this and admits he misses them too; implying perhaps a pedantic difference between 'Vulcans do not Feel Emotions' (false) and 'Vulcans do not Act Out of Emotion' (accurate) -> 'Miss/Longing' is an emotion, but 'Worry' is an action one does out of emotion -> one Vulcans do; one Vulcans do not.
#N posts stuff#continuation of thoughts from my last post bc i can smell the counterarguments of 'vulcans are not emotional and are#therefore not impulsive and therefore no vulcan child Would run off unattended' which is Wrong#but also a half formulated thought regarding: how often characters will CLAIM that 'vulcans don't do X' and how often#people take that at face value instead of accepting it as like. a character motivated Lie that is being told lol#ie) when Spock claims 'Vulcans don't Have emotions' this is a lie he tells because 1) it's funny to him or 2) this is an Exaggerated#expectation he feels put on him BC other vulcans are more ready to judge his behavior based purely on the knowledge of his#half human genetics -> Spock is forced to hold a Higher standard just to get others to acknowledge they are Minimally equal#ALT: we do Know that Vulcan emotions are deeper/more intense than they visibly show; it doesn't feel Standardized to me that#daily Vulcan culture would DENY the existence of emotions entirely (unless one undergoes Kohlinar which seems to be a Rarer#and more Intense lifestyle Choice SOME vulcans make) bc that Feels like it would be a Lie which wouldn't be Logical to uphold#BUT i Can see conversations About those emotions being one of those things Vulcans keep extraordinarily close to their chest#in Amok Time Spock was ready to Die before he'd tell anyone about a biochemical process his body was experiencing; I can see#emotions as a whole being an almost Equally intimate thing to share w/ outsiders -> hence the 'Vulcans Don't experience emotion'#claim being made in broader Outside society ; you'd talk about it w/ other vulcans but Not with a bunch of humans#(Spock being an arguable Exception to this standard BC of the 'has to uphold a Higher Standard just to be permitted on even ground)#this post is a lot of thinking aloud idk how much coherence there is here but it's fun to think about on many paths
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â©âË.â YOU'RE FORGIVEN ! - hawks/keigo takami / 10.10 / kinktober
CW: he's sexually frustrated ofc, oral sex (he receives), tiny argument for plot, snowballing kiss, she/her used, not anatomy specified when it comes to reader, petname used ("pretty"), thats all :)
Word Count: 2.2k
Author's Note: hi guys! i forgot what number kinktober post this is...lol. i think it's the 6th but anyways, i hope you enjoy reading! ily guys and appreciate the love <3. leave a like or reblog to show support.
hawks had been in a sour mood lately. he wasnât the type to lash out or act cold, especially not toward y/n. usually, he was all smirks and feathered winks, always pulling her close, teasing her with that warm, cocky charm. but for the past few days, heâd been distant, barely speaking, his touch cold and detached. it felt like she was sharing space with a stranger instead of the man she loved.
being the number 2 hero weighed on him, and she knew that much. the constant pressure, the relentless expectationsâit had him on edge. but still, that didnât make it any easier for her to watch him shut her out, day after day, without so much as an explanation.
one evening, y/n had finally had enough. she found him in the kitchen, leaning against the counter with his arms crossed, eyes focused on some distant point. she stormed over, her voice tense as she spat, âwhat the hell is your problem, keigo?â
his eyes narrowed, but he didnât answer. that only made her blood boil more. âseriously, this is getting old. if youâve got something to say, then say it. stop acting like a complete jerk.â
he finally met her gaze, his eyes hard and unrecognizable. âmaybe you should just leave it alone. iâm dealing with a lot of crap that you wouldnât understand.â
she let out a humorless laugh, shaking her head. âoh, so thatâs it? you just get to walk around, treating me like crap, and iâm supposed to act like itâs fine? newsflash, kei, iâm not putting up with this. youâre not the only one whoâs got things to deal with.â
they stood there, glaring at each other in silence, until he muttered something under his breath and stormed out, slamming the door behind him. the sound echoed through the empty space, leaving her standing there, fists clenched, anger and hurt simmering under her skin.
---
later that night, y/n heard the door creak open. she was still awake, curled up on the couch with her arms wrapped around her knees, staring into the dark. she didnât look up as he walked in, but she could feel his presence fill the room, heavy with the weight of his regret.
hawks stepped closer, his movements slow and tentative, like he was afraid to get too close. when she finally glanced up, she saw his eyes, red-rimmed and glassy, like heâd been holding back tears. he hesitated, hovering a moment before sitting down beside her. he looked down, his hands fidgeting in his lap, as if he wasnât sure he deserved to touch her. after a long silence, he let out a shaky breath, his voice barely more than a whisper. âiâm sorry,â he began, each word thick with emotion. âi shouldnât have treated you that way. itâs just⊠itâs been rough. all this pressure, all these expectations, theyâre eating away at me. but that doesnât make it right. i took it out on you, and i hate that i did.â
he glanced over at her, his eyes searching hers, hoping for a sign that she could forgive him. slowly, he reached out, his hand closing gently around hers. âi donât want you to think thatâs who i am or who i want to be with you.â he moved closer, his gaze softening, filled with remorse. his other hand came up to brush a tear from her cheek, his touch so tender it nearly broke her heart. then, he leaned in, pressing his lips softly against hers.
the kiss was hesitant at first, a silent apology, his lips moving slowly, as though he feared she might pull away. but as he felt her respond, he deepened the kiss, his hands trembling as he held her close. he broke away just long enough to whisper, âiâm sorry,â the words spilling from him over and over again, a quiet mantra of regret and longing. âiâm so, so sorryâŠâ
she felt the tension between them melt away, and her arms wrapped around him, pulling him closer. his lips found hers again, and the kiss grew more intense, a desperate attempt to bridge the distance that had come between them. his hands cradled her face, his thumbs tracing gentle circles along her skin, as if he was trying to memorize every detail, every curve.
he held her like he never wanted to let go, his touch tender but fierce, his kisses a blend of need and apology. with each soft, murmured âiâm sorry,â he poured out all the words he couldnât seem to say, hoping she could feel how deeply he regretted the hurt heâd caused. and as they stayed there, wrapped up in each other, it felt like the pain was finally fading, leaving only the warmth of his embrace and the quiet promise that he would try to do better.
hawks pulled back just enough to look into her eyes, his breathing ragged, his gaze clouded with an intensity that was impossible to ignore. he cupped her face, his hands trembling slightly as he held her close, his voice a rough whisper laced with desperation.
âi need you, y/n,â he muttered, frustration thick in his tone. âgod, you have no idea how much i missed you⊠your touch, your warmth. itâs been driving me crazy.â his hands slid down to grip her waist, pulling her flush against him, as if he couldnât stand the thought of any space between them. âthese past few days⊠i thought i could just push through it alone, but i canât. i need you.â
his lips crashed against hers, the kiss rough and hungry, filled with the pent-up longing heâd tried so hard to ignore. his hands moved over her body, desperate to feel every inch of her, like he was trying to make up for all the time heâd lost. he kissed her with an urgency, almost frantic, his fingers pressing into her skin as if grounding himself, anchoring himself back to her.
âiâm sorry for shutting you out,â he whispered hoarsely between kisses, his voice thick with emotion. âi missed you so damn much, y/n. i donât ever want to feel like that again, like iâm just drifting without you. youâre all i need.â his lips traveled down her neck, his touch rougher, more desperate, as if he was trying to make sure she understood just how badly he needed her.
âyou have no idea what itâs like,â he said, voice strained, his words spilling out in a low, frustrated growl. âi canât take it. i need you like this, close to me. i need you, now.â he pulled her back into another kiss, fierce and passionate, his hands exploring every curve of her body as if he was trying to imprint her into his memory. his touch was needy, almost frantic, like he was trying to make up for every second heâd spent apart from her, and he held her like he never wanted to let go again.
y/n pulled away, muttering something underneath her breath before pulling a string from his sweatpants, loosening the waistband. she pulled it down in one motion, his breifs coming down with it as well. his length was hardening with every second that passed, making him glance over to look at her. her hands gently gripped his erection and hawks let out a soft moan.
the arousal that was already leaking down his length gave her enough slip to begin slow stroking motions. "f-fuck. please don't tease, pretty. I've been waiting so long already." he muttered, his head leaning back against the couch. "i should for payback."
"i said that i was sorry."
y/n's grip around him tightened and her stroking movements sped up immediately. "don't do it again, kei." she frowned, a small pout on her lips. "i wont, pretty. i promise." his voice sounded strained. he was trying to speak properly, but y/n's hand alone was driving him insane.
it'd been well over a few weeks since he got anything close to this kind of affection with y/n, so now that he's gotten this despite it not being much, it was still enough for the time being. "can you use your mouth?" he asked, pleading eyes with dilated pupils staring directly at y/n. she held his gaze, in thought as she contemplated what to do.
"please? i wanna feel you."
"i'm still mad at you." she huffed before shifting in her seat. "i know, beautiful. I'll make it up to you i swear." hawks' voice sounded like pure vulnerability and so did his body language. he was tense in y/n's her hold, but he allowed the entirety of himself to remain on display for y/nâs eyes.
"promise?" she questioned. hawks knew that she was only trying to drag it out, but instead of calling it out, he remained 'oblivious'. "mhm." he nodded, another moan escaping from his throat.
y/n moved back just a bit before leaning down. her tongue ran a strip over the tip of his length. a shaky moan was heard from him and he bit down on his bottom lip when her lips wrapped around him completely, her hand still around the base. his breathing went in and out with sharp breaths through his nose and his hands wrapped around y/n's as he aided her to fit a pace more comfortable them both.
the sounds that filled the room was nothing short of lewd. y/n's occasional moans around his length, hawks trying to hold back, but the pleasure being overwhelming, and the quiet sounds of her gags when she'd take too much of his length in.
the saliva and arousal leaking down their hands and his painful erection. when hawks decided to take a glance at the sight after having his eyes shut tightly, he couldn't fight the shiver that ran through his body. "this is so pathetic." he groaned, feeling that familiar sensation approach.
y/n looked at him, a questioning look in her eyes. "close." was all he said with a look of embarrassment on his features. y/n was taken aback by this. her boyfriend was never the type to not be able to hold out for long periods of the time, so she could understand why he'd feel embarrassed about it now. "it's been so long that even if you stared at me long enough, i could probably get off too."
y/n attempted to hold back a laugh, but the vibration made hawks tighten his hand around y/n's, forcing her grip to be firm. "can you take more of me? just for a minute? you've done it before. " he pleaded. y/n pulled her mouth off of him, heavy pants falling from her breath. "you don't even deserve this much." she rolled her eyes, trying to ignore the small smirk on his lips.
"i'll do whatever you ask of me later, pretty."
"anything?"
"anything. i have all night."
with another wary look, she let out a huff. "okay, fine. jeez, i need to learn how to tell you no. you're so spoiled."
hawks leaned down, tilting her chin up and placing a kiss to her lips, a string of his arousal connecting them when he pulled back. "who's fault is that?" with a groan of annoyance, she leaned back down, taking him in whole. y/n shut her eyes, trying not to focus on the fact that the tip of his length met with the very back of her throat. hawks drew in a sharp breath, his breathing quickening in just seconds
"please dont stop." he moaned, hand gently cupping y/n's nape as she lifted her head before taking him in once again. the warmth of her mouth was all too familiar yet he couldn't get used to it even if he tried. y/n tightly shut her eyes when she gagged around his length and hawks felt a bit of pity for her but his selfishness didn't want her to stop. afterall, he was so close.
his climax approached when the tip of y/n's nose met his abdomen. she held that position for a few long seconds and in no time, his high rushed throughout his being. ribbons of white coated the inside of her mouth as she collected every drop of his arousal.
y/n stood up, holding the warm liquid behind her lips, watching as hawks's gaze fluttered open. "what is it?" he asked. y/n rolled her eyes since she couldn't talk. hawks squinted his eyes at her when she shifted to straddle his thighs. she pointed at his lips and then her own. "you want a kiss?" he lifted a brow.
she nodded and he was about to retaliate until y/n glared at him. he knew her all to well which is why he could almost curse himself when he remembered his words from earlier. he let out a long sigh. "anything." he muttered, rolling his eyes as he quoted himself.
"you better forgive me after this."
she rolled her eyes, a smile on her lips when she placed them against his. her lips parted and her tongue traced his. his arousal fell onto his own tongue and he wrapped her lips with his, the taste of his arousal coating his tongue. y/n let out a small laugh into his mouth before pulling back. "you're forgiven." she smiled, watching as he wiped his lips with the back of his hand.
"that was by far the most disgusting thing I've done." he muttered, reaching up to y/n to wipe away at the corner of her lips with his thumb. "guess that makes you a weirdo for enjoying it." she smiled, glancing down at his erection that was growing once again.
"fuck off."
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#hawks x reader#mha hawks#bnha hawks#hawks#hawks smut#hawks smau#takami keigo x reader#bnha keigo#mha takami keigo#keigo takami#keigo x reader#keigo tamaki#keigo takami x reader#keigo takami x y/n#keigo takami x you#keigo headcanons#hawks headcanons#hawks mha#anime smut#kinktober masterlist#kinktober prompts#kinktober 2024 masterlist#kintober 2024#2024 kinktober#kinktober 2024#mha#hawks my hero academia#boku no hero academia#mha keigo takami#mha keigo x reader
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Astrology Observations No.26
(Just based on my opinions, only take what resonates)
-Aquarius mars can denote a career around trends, tech, and social media. It can also denote your career taking off during times of social progress or spearheading social progress. (John Boyegaâs career took off when he became the face of a much more diverse Star Wars, and a lot of his most celebrated roles have a social consciousness to them, pretty great if I do say so myself)
-Virgo venus gets the reputation of being picky in relationships (and they are) but I feel like Sagittarius Venus can be more fickle. Virgo Venus natives have a set of standards and attributes theyâre looking for, but Sagittarius Venus natives will put you on a pedestal then knock you off of it when you do something they donât like.
-Underdeveloped Gemini Venus will ghost you in the middle of a crisis (man Pisces Venus too, but they may feel bad about it lol)
-When it comes to a sense of justice, I feel as though (developed) Scorpio moons give everyone a run for their money
-I feel like Aquarius in big 3 (sun, moon, rising) can often find themselves being forced to be humanitarian/being made to work toward the greater good in some situations (to lend others money, to take care of friends/family, to befriend someone lonely, etc.) I feel like these placements often can be forced to give more of themselves than they are comfortable with (developed ones will often find a great sense of joy in connecting with others through care though)
-On the other hand I feel like Leo in the big 3 can find themselves being forced to pay attention to themselves/become the center of attention (elevated at a job for their hard work, given unexpected attention for a talent, etc.) With Leo placements I notice that in their home life or childhood they may not receive the attention they need, but early on they get attention from outsiders. So they end up going through this arch of getting more comfortable with their sense of self and being in the spotlight.
-Aries placements can often be the first in their family to do something (go to college, start a business, etc) without more long term oriented placements things like businesses may not last though
-Virgo/Gemini/3rd/6th house placements and having an absolute weakness for stationary lol (I have a 3rd house Stellium and I have to force myself not to buy a sketchbook or notebook every time Iâm out, with a 40% success rate lol)
-I always expect Libra placements (especially sun/Asc/Venus/mars) to have a very blonde/fair/delicate features naturally but a lot of Libras have this gothic look, like raven hair ivory skin classic beauty (and a lot of PoC I follow with Libra placements can be much darker skinned, which is also a beautifully classic look)
-I think Jupiter and Saturn count towards your personality, but since theyâre slower moving planets I view them as the bridge between the asc/sun/moon/mercury/Venus/mars placements that really directly define your personality and the generational planets that show up in traits across people in your age range (but effect everyone differently because of house placements and aspects)ïżŒ
-Do a lot of people get sick during Scorpio season? Or is it just me ?? (During the last week of Scorpio season like 6 people I knew got sick at the same time and I had a medical thing, wtf itâs uncanny)
-I think Neptune in Capricorn is a big reason that depression became such a focal point for younger millennials and elder gen z- well that and late stage capitalism but yknow. (Capricorns being prone to depression, and Neptune ruling over mental illness)
-You may show more of the traits of the sign in your 12th house when inebriated (like sun in 12th may be more outgoing when they drink, moon in 12th may be more introverted/emotional, mercury in 12th may be more chatty and inquisitive, Venus in 12th may be more charming/romantic, mars in 12th may be more aggressive/antagonistic/s*xual)
-Mars in 12th/Pisces mars may find that unresolved tension sits on their subconscious and makes it hard for them to do other tasks
-Cancer over the houses can show where you feel at home (cancer in the 4th is super loyal to their family/mother, cancer in the 7th means you feel at home with a nurturing partner, cancer in the 9th means you feel at home abroad and traveling and with other communities or with religion, cancer in 11th means you feel super at home with your friends.)
#astro observations#astro notes#astroblr#astro community#astrology#cancer#pisces mars#12th house#Capricorn Neptune#scorpio season#Jupiter#Saturn#libra#Virgo#Gemini#3rd house#6th house#Aries#Leo#aquarius#scorpio moon#gemini venus#pisces venus#Aquarius mars
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GymRat!Miguel Part 9.1 | full chapter without breaks on AO3
content warning: lots of music links, ROADTRIP!!, some hurt/comfort at the beginning, a damn near comedy if I must say so myself, Spanish parts (if wrong, please correct me), lots of fluff, Buc-ee's shenanigans (I love that store), Miguel drives a Range Rover (hot, I know. Tyler got that MUNYUN), some jealous Miguel (MY FAVORITE), a hint of jealous reader đ«š (she has a storm coming lol), simp Miguel if I'm being honest, 18+ so MNDI, male masturbation, wet wet fantasies, both reader and Miguel are h word for each other
word count: 7.1k, damn near proofread (this is only one part of the behemoth)
I did some research on MLE, yachts, superyachts, dolphins, and water activities for this chapter. đ€ Hopefully, it shows! The yacht size I imagined is somewhere in between a regular yacht and a superyacht/megayacht. I built a Range Rover just for GR!Miguel you guys. (thanks to my irl besties and @slushycoookie once again đ„°)
Prev | Next (Part 9.2) â©Â°ïœĄ ââž đ§âź Masterlist
GymRat!Miguel who comes back home after nearly a week of bliss with you. He floated all the way home from dropping you off with Tylerâs people.
He made them wait much longer than they needed to when he decided to makeout with you next to the black Suburban.Â
Only a few more weeks before he could see you again.Â
GymRat!Miguel who is met with his mom sitting on the couch with just the tv glowing on her.Â
His steps were too heavy to sneak past her, so he just sighed and settled down on one of the plush chairs.Â
âI see youâre home,â she says. Her eyes donât move from the Golden Girls episode playing softly.Â
âSĂ, mamĂĄ.â
âHow come you didnât tell me where you went?â
âGabriel told you where I was. Iâm sure you asked him.â Miguel was tired already.Â
âHe did, pero eso no fue lo que te preguntĂ©.â (but thatâs not what I asked you)
âMa-â
âMijo.â
âYouâre not even looking at me.â
âAnd youâve sat so far away. Like Iâm going to hurt you. Miguel, I asked you to come home. You didnât respond. You didnât call. You didnât even speak to me when you came back a few days ago.â
Miguel stared at her face, willing himself not to get emotional over this.Â
âI acknowledge that I should have let you know where I was. I didnât talk to you because I didnât want to say something I would regret.â
Conchata finally turned to look at Miguel. Her first-born. The life given to her after so much turmoil.Â
She could still see the little boy that would cry at the drop of a hat. She could still see the little boy that would dry up his tears if Gabriel started to cry with him, just to comfort him. The little boy with so much room in his heart.Â
She can see him now, face ridden with sadness. A face that she knew too well.Â
âI didnât mean to hurt you, mijo.â
âWell, you did. Again. Iâm used to it. This isnât a new feeling. What is new, is you acting like this towards someone else close to me.â
âI-â
âLet me finish, ma, please. Youâve never been a parent that cares about how Iâve felt in regards to anything. You have made decisions for me without a second thought without ever considering how I might feel. Youâve also never been the type of person who hurts someone else for no reason. Iâm sorry Iâm not with someone you picked, but Iâm not sorry for loving her. She is everything to me. If I were to fall, thereâs no doubt in my mind that she would be there to build me back up. Sheâd probably even break my fall if I couldnât stop her.âÂ
Miguel stopped to look up, willing himself not to cry.Â
âWhat you said to her brought something out that she hasnât felt in a while. You broke her in a way that I promised myself I never would. I wanted to present her to my family in a positive light, to show her off. I didnât expect you to be ecstatic about her, but I did hope that you could at least open your heart up once you met her.â
He looked off, tears escaping from his eyes. Youâre in a better position now, but he wonât know if that donner will creep back up on you, making you hate yourself for something thatâs not your fault. He remembered the pain in your voice, how kept it in until you were with him and away from the manor. He hated it.Â
âBut instead, she was met with two people who paid her no respect. Two people that brought her turmoil. I expected Kron to be horrible, look at how he talked to you, but not you. You were supposed to be better. You didnât see how much you hurt her, I did. Itâs like we prepped for nothing but a shitshow and I should have followed my gut and kept her to myself a little longer.â
Miguel sniffed, wiping at his nose in hopes that it would stop the urge to cry.Â
Conchata let the silence rest. Nothing but the TV and her sonâs sniffles filled the room.Â
âIâm sorry, Miguel.â
Miguel turned back. Shocked that she didnât put up much of a fight.Â
âI just,â she paused. âThereâs no excuse for how I treated her. She didnât deserve it and if I could go back and change my behavior, I would. I think that I was just overwhelmed. Upset because my baby is growing up. Heâs moving on and I canât hold him in my hands anymore. I donât tuck him in anymore. I donât have to check under his bed for monsters. He doesnât need me to do anything. So this shift is hurting me, mijo, and I took it out on the wrong people. For that, Iâm so sorry.â
Conchata was a hard-cased woman. She stuck with her opinions, even if they were blatantly wrong. She was proud and vocal. She never let people see her crack or fall under pressure. So, seeing her like this, begging for Miguel to understand her, was a rare moment for Miguel.Â
âMa, me growing up doesnât stop me from being your son. Iâm still here. Iâll still rely on you, but I want you to have a break too. You have to let me grow. I wonât live here forever, but that doesnât mean I wonât come back to you. Iâm glad you were able to express this to me, I just wish you could have said so sooner.â
âLo siento, mijo.â
Miguel got up to get closer to her. He wrapped her up in his arms, too easy to forgive her. âItâs ok.â
He leans back and kisses her forehead, heart mending by the smallest of stitches. âYou still have to apologize to my girlfriend, though.â
âI will when I see her again.â
âAnd we need to go to therapy.â
âGeorge has already told me.â
âAnd I want you to make me some ceviche. And tamales.â
âBueno.â
âAnd tres leches.âÂ
She sighed, but squeezed him tighter. âDonât curse in front of me again, and Iâll consider it.â
âGracias, mamĂĄ.â
âDe nada, mijo.â
GymRat!Miguel who goes to sleep with his body feeling a lot lighter. The weight of his relationship with his mom lifted a little off his shoulders.
GymRat!Miguel who has two grand master plans that heâs been setting out for months: eating you out and making your first time together special.Â
Heâs been overthinking every detail like a maniac. The peaches from the fruit bowl have been disappearing to his room for research purposes only- and a snack of course.Â
He once ended up on the girl side of Tik Tok where they complain about everything guys get wrong when pleasuring them. He had been thoroughly reading the comments and taking notes here and there. He didnât really need the tip about making noise though, he already does that just thinking about you. So many times has he had to stuff his mouth when jerking off.Â
He also had a few tabs open in incognito mode. That research is only done in the deep of the night.Â
Right now, heâs sitting at his desk reading some article about listening to your partnerâs body and his mind canât help but to wander off. Will you grip your thighs around him? He hopes so. He could die that way. Will you be vocal? Will you tell him if itâs too much? Will you guide his head and pull his hair?Â
That last question has him gripping his sweats in anticipation. No doubt when you scratched at his back in the hotel room, he was reeling from the sensation. It was like a reward for him whenever you feel so good, youâre too unaware of what youâre doing to him physically. Too lost in bliss to register the marks and pain youâre leaving on him. You just want him to give you more.Â
Miguel drops his pen and pushes the heel of his palm on his growing bulge.Â
âFuck.â Every time about an hour or so into researching, his head is full of you. He imagines what itâll be like to finally taste you, to be inside you.Â
He remembered how wet you got with just a little rubbing. Your body was so responsive to his movements and he couldnât stop thinking about what would happen if you guys upped the foreplay.Â
Miguel leaned back in his chair, arm over his head. He dropped his hand in his sweats hand gripping at the base of his erection, exhaling deep as he gave it a few pumps.Â
Your hands on his chest. Your arms around his neck. Your nails scraping his back. Your thighs wrapping around his waist. Your breath on his lips.Â
You opening up for him. You dripping down his fingers, down his legs, down his face. You screaming out his name loud enough for the entire neighborhood to file a complaint. You in whatever position he puts you in. He could hold you up. Maybe have your legs in the air or stretched out on the bed. He could have you grabbing for the sheets, the headboard, him. His head in your chest, in your pussy, in your ass.Â
Pre-cum spilled onto his stomach, rolling down his shaft. Would you let him go that far?
He doesnât know whatâs worse, the cold showers and teeth-marked arms at the beginning of the relationship or his constant daydreams of your body connecting with his that kept occurring regularly.Â
Maybe you felt the same way too. That was a new thought.Â
Do you wonder about your first time together? Were you just as excited as him? Do you get wet at the thought of him inside of you? Do you have to stop everything and find pleasure like he does? Were your fingers enough or did you need more?
Miguel continued to move his hand up and down, squeezing occasionally to mimic what you might feel like.Â
Heâs groaning into his elbow, hips lifting from his desk chair.Â
He could almost hear your voice in his ear. Begging, praising, crying out, stuttering.Â
GymRat!Miguel who cums as Gabriel slams through the door. In a matter of 15 seconds, Miguel covers his drenched chest, shoves his sensitive dick back down, and grabs napkins to try to wipe away at his hand.Â
Nevermind his shirt is now ruined.Â
âWhat the fuck are you looking at and why is this picture showing a seductive pomegranate?â
âWhy the fuck are you opening my door without knocking?â
âI did knock! I did our special knock plus a freestyle! I thought you were dead, Miguelito.â
Miguelâs heart felt a little tug despite its rapid tempo, ââM not dead, Gabri. Just busy. I didnât hear you.â
Gabriel snickered when he got closer to look at his laptop. âI can see why. These tabs are a dead giveaway.âÂ
Gabriel reached over to stare at Miguelâs notebook.Â
âThese are some good tips! You shouldnât expect her to taste like sweets, though.â
Nothing in his notes indicated that, but Miguel wanted to be offended for you anyway.Â
Miguel gave Gabriel a hard side eye, mouth set deeply down.Â
âI really wish you would get out of my room.â
âOo, you should buy a rose. Dana loves that thing.â
âI donât want to hear about whatever freaky shit you and Dana get up to, Gabriel.â
âYouâve caught me in more embarrassing situations, Iâm just trying to lighten the mood! I also suggest those candy panties-â
âIâm not putting candy on- Gabriel. Can you please stop talking to me?â
âMiguel, this stuff is important!â
âÂżPor quĂ© eres asĂ?â Miguel mumbled. âOk, yeah. I get it. But you can chat to me about this after Iâve switched shirts.â (Why are you like this?)
ïżœïżœFine, Iâll come back. Ten minutes. Then we must have a healthy chat about how to have fun safely.â
Gabriel skipped back to the door singing Candy loud enough to be heard as he went back to his own room.Â
âStrawberry! Raspberry! All those good things! Violets and gumdrops thatâs what youâre saying to me, me, me.â
A black hole would be nice to save himself from this situation.Â
GymRat!Miguel who jumps out of his bed the day of the âYacht Weekend.â Gabriel is dead set on calling it the âYachty Pawtyâ and Miguel thinks thatâs unbelievably stupid.Â
GymRat!Miguel who has to go and pull Gabriel out of his bed to get him to get ready, his body stretching like a ferret. Heâs never been a morning person. Itâs like his brain didnât start computing until noon.Â
GymRat!Miguel who jogs around the neighborhood to kill time. The weather is a lot cooler in the morning plus it gives Gabriel time to come to reality. He waves to the son of one of his neighbors who gawks at him as he passes by.Â
Were his shorts giving away too much again? He didnât feel a draft.Â
He looked down at his crotch. All good.Â
GymRat!Miguel who calls you while he stops to take a water break.Â
âAmor!â His voice is bright and his smile is radiant, watching as you squint at the screen.
Your cheek is squished against the pillow and youâre wrapped up in your covers.Â
âHey, Miggy. Itâs so bright there.â
Your voice was scratchy, a sign of how deep in sleep you were. You were so fucking cute.Â
âAre you running?â
He placed his phone on a nearby bench so he could stretch. âYeah, Iâm taking a break.â
He went into a deep lunge, stretching his body low to the ground.Â
You went quiet for so long, Miguel thought the call dropped.Â
âBaby? Did you go back to sleep?â Miguel asked.
âNo, Iâm still here. Those pants are,â you started to shuffle your phone. âReally short.â
âReally?â Miguel stood up and looked down at his pants. They did cut off high up his thighs, but they were good for running. Plus, he got hot easily, so he needed as much wind on his skin as possible. âTheyâre comfy.â
âMm hm. Can you turn around for me?â
Miguel turned, confused but willing.Â
âGot it. Thank you, my muscle bear!â
âWhat did you just do?â
âTook pictures of your ass. It looks great. Iâm gonna hold it real good later.â
Miguel laughed and grabbed his phone.Â
âCan I hold yours, too?â He wanted to do way more than hold it.Â
You smile sleepily at the camera. âIâll think about it.â
GymRat!Miguel who lets you stay on the phone while he runs back to the house.Â
âYouâre just going to hear the wind and me breathing for a few minutes.â
âAnd Iâm fine with that! Itâs like boyfriend ASMR. Peaceful.â
GymRat!Miguel who ruffles Gabrielâs hair when he gets back home. Heâs staring at the wall and shoveling cereal in his mouth at the slowest pace known to man.Â
âBuenos dĂas, hermanito!â (Good morning, little brother)
âMm.â
GymRat!Miguel who takes a cold shower to cool off for once and not because heâs having explicit thoughts of you.Â
GymRat!Miguel who chugs down a protein smoothie while he waits for Gabriel to come downstairs.Â
GymRat!Miguel who answers the door to Dana. Sheâs got some shades on and a purse with the same texture as a croc.Â
She peers over her shades. âYouâre looking put together!â
âWhat do you mean by that?â
âDonât play dumb. Youâre trying to impress your girl! What do you have planned? A dinner on the horizon? A spa date? Oh! No! Another shopping spree?l
Yes. No, but he should arrange that. And absolutely not. Heâs not Tyler.Â
âNo,â Miguel squints. âBut how can you tell?â
âYouâre easy to read, big guy. Even when you think about her your eyes turn into hearts. When have you ever thought to wear a button down for a roadtrip to the beach?â
âTouche.â
âIâll figure out what youâre up to. I have my ways.â
She twirls and runs up to Gabrielâs room, leaving a waft of strong perfume after her.Â
With that, Miguel knew it would be at least another 45 minutes before he could get on the road.Â
GymRat!Miguel who does his special knock on Gabrielâs door.Â
âIâm opening it, so you fiends better have your clothes on.â
He swung the door open to the disheveled couple. Dana with her hair astray and Gabriel breathing eerily hard.Â
âSeriously, guys? I need to go by the airport.â
âI was just waking him up!â Dana says with a voice that was much hoarser than it was an hour ago.Â
âWell,â Miguel put a hand on his hip in a way that anyone could tell he was Conchata OâHaraâs son. âAre you awake, Gabri?â
Gabrielâs face was as red as a tomato as he shook his head no.Â
Miguel pitched his voice higher to mimic his brother. âTen minutes. And then we can have a conversation on time management and respect. Except it wonât be âsafelyâ because Iâm going to hurt you.â
GymRat!Miguel who finally backs out of the driveway in exactly ten minutes. Gabriel is rubbing his arm in the passenger seat with a pout on his face. Dana is grinning from ear to ear.Â
GymRat!Miguel who hands Gabriel the aux. He might be a silly boy, but his music taste is immaculate.
GymRat!Miguel who almost has to hurt Gabriel again when he doesnât want to get out of the passenger seat.Â
âWhy do I have to move?â
âBecause I said so.â
âThatâs not grounds for anything!â
Dana pokes her head over the console. âGabie. Read the room. He wants to grip on to his girl while he drives with one hand. Show off.âÂ
GymRat!Miguel who kisses you and grabs your bags at the same time when he sees you. The cars around are loud, honking sporadically. People are walking and running to catch cabs or get to their loved ones. Workers are trying to direct the traffic.Â
It all quiets down when he meets your eyes.Â
âHola, mi amor.â
You wrap your arms around his neck and bring him close. âHello to you too, my love.â
You smile up until he presses his lips against yours. More and more pecks follow after that.Â
He holds his nose to yours, completely enraptured by your presence.Â
âOh my god, letâs go!â Gabriel shouts from the car, pressing his palm against the steering wheel.Â
âYouâre not the one driving, pinche pendejo!â
You giggle and stand on your tippy toes to try and see over Miguelâs shoulder. Youâre still too short so you lean sideways. Miguel melts.Â
âJust a few more and weâll be done Gabriel!â
âFine. For you, Iâll let it slide.â
You stand back up straight and kiss Miguel a little more.Â
GymRat!Miguel who does reach over and grip your thigh. If Gabriella and Troy werenât in the back belting, heâd hike his hand up further.Â
âRight now I can hardly breathe!â Gabriel pivots his head towards Dana dramatically, water bottle a faux mic.Â
âOh! You can do it, just know that I believe.â Dana is touching his chest dramatically.Â
âAre they always like this?â You ask, laughing a little at their antics.Â
Miguel groans in annoyance. âYes.â
GymRat!Miguel who nearly sprints out the car when he parks by a pump. Heâs been riding for a bit and he needs to stretch his legs.Â
âMiggy, you want something from the store?âÂ
Youâre standing next to the car, the wind blowing your hair back. Your jacket blows away a little, showing off the tight little outfit youâre sporting. Youâre beautiful.Â
He wants to break you down in the front seat of his car.
He swallows the thought. âIâll come in there soon, donât worry.â
You walk in the giant gas station and head immediately to the Icee machines. For the best possible experience, you should wait until itâs time to go before buying it.Â
As youâre walking along the wall wondering what flavor you should get, you feel a tug at your arm.Â
You turn to see Dana with some bottles in her hand.Â
âI donât know what heâs planning, but trust me when I say, you should take these.â
You frown as you take the cranberry juice. âUm.â
âIâve been around those two long enough to know when one of them is up to something. I mean Gabriel hasnât said anything off, but look at how heâs bopping around the store.â
You turn and look.Â
He is indeed bouncing more than usual. Heâs so tall that if he puts even more pep in his step, he might just break a hole in the ceiling.Â
âOk,â you turn back to Dana while fighting a laugh. âSo they are planning something. What does that have to do with me and cranberry juice?â
âGabie tries his best to use bro code, but I quite literally suck the information out of him sometimes. He caught Miguel looking at lots of articles about pleasuring his partner. With his mouth. Thatâs all I know for now.â
Your heart picks up. He was still going on about that?
âThat might just be a coincidence.âÂ
âHeâs wearing damn near beach attire with his hair styled. He held onto your thigh for an hour, even when the turns got tough. He stared at you walking into the store even until he couldnât see you anymore.â
You bit your lip. âThose last two things are standard Miguel behavior.â
Dana huffs and spins you around.Â
Across the store, you could see Miguel and Gabriel huddled over something. Miguel with his eyes focused and Gabriel animatedly explaining something. Every once in a while, Miguel would nod and roll his eyes up as if he was mentally checking on something.Â
You sigh and turn back around.Â
âDo they sell pineapples too?â
GymRat!Miguel who looms over you while you and Dana are looking at some cakes. You look up at him, pressing your head against his chest.Â
Miguel kissed your forehead when you beamed at him.Â
He looked over to Gabriel who was also crowding Dana and shouted, âÂĄVamos!â
In a matter of seconds, Miguel had lifted you and brought you to the middle of the store where the workers were cooking up fresh meat.Â
You squeal in shock and laugh on the way over. Miguelâs not even struggling.Â
Gabriel on the other hand huffs as he places Dana down.Â
âYou need to work on that, babe.â
âI can lift you when I want to!â Gabriel replies, petulant.Â
âFor like one minute maybe. Why donât you start working out with Miguel?â
âNo thanks.â They both said in unison, almost carbon copies of each other.Â
Really, if Miguel didnât work out, or if Gabriel did for about a year, they could definitely play off as twins. Only subtle things separating them, like Gabrielâs freckles, softer face, and slightly shorter height and Miguelâs less curly hair, thicker eyebrows, and deeper voice.Â
In your eyes, their bond was precious. You wondered what their baby pictures looked like.Â
âYou guys are so cute,â you say, reaching up to squeeze both of their cheeks.Â
They both melt the same way in your hands. Miguelâs face is only a little bit hotter against your palm.Â
GymRat!Miguel who presses up against you while you both check out. You stay nonchalant and talk to the cashier like normal, but you could feel Miguelâs heartbeat through your thin romper.Â
Every breath he took molded on your skin, his chest rising and falling against your head.Â
He kept steady hands on your hips and waist, only moving them to pay for your snacks.Â
The cashier would take not-so-subtle breaks to stare up at him, face getting redder after each glance.Â
You could only think âme too, girl.â
He really did look good today. His shirt was open a little lower than normal, his shorts loose but tightening around his thighs with every step he took. His hair was slicked back with a few strands falling loose and shades sat perfectly on top of his head. A chain danced around his neck, the color glowing on his pretty skin. He was tanner than usual, the sun making him glow after so many morning runs.Â
To top it off he smelled really good. You wanted to lick him.Â
From how slow the cashier was moving, you knew she was ready to take a lick too.Â
You took moments like this in stride. Especially when Miguel was pressed so hard against you, you could feel his dick at the small of your back.Â
Still, when people still tried to hit on your boyfriend or gawked at him even when you caught them, it was hard not feel frustrated about others thinking he can be taken from you. Or just ignoring you.Â
More often than not, Miguel would bring you back down to earth with some action to let others know that heâs taken.Â
Today, it was a kiss to your neck and a smack to your ass followed by his hand rubbing circles in the same spot.Â
He grabbed the bags in one hand and your hip in the other.Â
You looked back to the cashier scanning the next customer far more aggressively than before. Â
GymRat!Miguel who eats half of his sandwich before starting the car back up.Â
You still place the other half in front of his mouth, feeding him occasionally.Â
He just smiles before and after each bite. Giddy with attention. You wipe his mouth to stop sauce from spilling from his shirt.Â
Miguel almost turns the car into turbo drive.Â
GymRat!Miguel who finally makes it to the beach an hour or so later. Itâs late Thursday afternoon, so the sun is still shining bright.Â
Gabriel is excited to finally be free from the tight back seat so he uses the opportunity to blast music from Miguelâs stereo.Â
âCâmon, Dana! Dance with me,â Gabriel said, pulling her out of the back seat and bringing her to the front of the var. âLetâs have a twerk-off.â
You canât stop the laugh that spills out of your mouth. You couldnât imagine either of them shaking anything.Â
âI can not twerk and you know it!â
âThat doesnât mean you canât shake. Donât be shy now!â
You and Miguel get out of the car to stretch, Miguel watching the two over the hood of the car, unphased.Â
Gabriel turns to you with a glint in his eyes. âCan you twerk?â
You were ready to shake your ass on a yacht after some liquid courage, but you didnât mind a little dancing beforehand.Â
You hurried to the front before the song was over and put your hands on the hood. You bend over with an arch in your back and move your ass to the beat of the song.Â
You hear Gabriel shout, âOh shit! Go, go, go!â
Dana sprints, nearly bulldozing Gabriel to stand behind you and catch it. You laugh at the two and bend even deeper, encouraged by their cheers.Â
GymRat!Miguel whose eyes nearly pop out of his head when you bend over.Â
When did you learn how to do that?
Heâs stunned for a second until he reaches inside the car and turns the radio off. Heâs going to kill Gabriel.Â
Miguel hurries to the front and picks Dana up by her armpits to move her aside. âYou guys are wasting my gas and neither you or you are CashApping me shit.â
He straightens you up and pulls your risen romper back over your ass. He stands behind you like a bodyguard, arms crossed and frown deepening.Â
âI donât know what you think weâre going to be doing on this yacht, but all of my girls are throwing it back. You need to prepare yourself, Mig.â Dana scoffs, mostly offended that Miguel just removed her from a dream spot.Â
âYeah, Mig. Be mindful of why you were invited to the function,â Gabriel turned his nose up and wrapped his arm around Dana. âNow, if youâll excuse us, mâlady.â
Gabriel bowed to you and you curtsied back with a fake dress. The two of them walked like royalty to the trunk, gathering their bags.Â
GymRat!Miguel who stuttered trying to explain himself when you turned to him.Â
âIs it going to be a problem for you that Iâm dancing with others?â
âNo!â he said way too fast.Â
You gave him a look with your eyebrow raised.Â
âYou just,â he paused. His voice got quieter as he played with the strap of your romper. âYou never danced on me before.â
He had a pout on his face, mouth turned like a duck.Â
âOh my god, Miguel. I can dance on you if you would like. You just have to ask.â He was so cute. Youâve never seen him get that jealous before.Â
You kind of want to play with him some more.Â
âCan you dance on me later?â he asks, not daring to meet your eyes.Â
âOf course.â
You giggle as you kiss his cheek. His pout slowly disappearing from his face.Â
GymRat!Miguel who is greeted by the enthusiastic captain with a shake that moves his entire arm. Heâs a jolly little fellow, cheeks rosy and his mustache curled on the ends. He was also strangely stocky. He reminded Miguel of Santa Claus if he took vacations in the Bahamas when heâs not at the North Pole.Â
âI take it youâre Mr. Stoneâs son, yes?â
âThat would be me.â
âExcellent! Excellent. Your father has told me quite a lot about you. You sure do take after his height. My name is Captain Barrett and Iâll be steering the boat for you youngins this weekend. Me and your father go way back. And between you and me, I was better lookinâ!â
Miguel chuckles awkwardly, trying to move the conversation along.Â
He finally looks past Miguel and sees the three of you standing there.Â
âAnd who might you three be?â
âThis is my younger brother, Gabriel. His girlfriend, Dana.âÂ
âAnd this is my girlfriend.â Miguel moves by your side and wraps his arm around your shoulders. His tone is full of warmth as he says your name.Â
âItâs nice to meet you all. Will you all be in our cabins this weekend?â
âYeah, this is four of the ten staying on board. The others wonât get here until tomorrow at noon.â
âIs Kron supposed to be joining you all too?â
Miguel stiffens, his grip on your shoulder a little firmer.Â
âNot that I know of, no.â
âPerfect! He ruined my other boat and it took me ages to clean it up. Hopefully, youâre nothing like him.â Captain Barrett does a little pleading gesture with his hands.Â
âWelp, follow me and Iâll show you on board!â
GymRat!Miguel who is still stunned by the amount of things money can buy when he sees the yacht. Heâll never get used to the life of luxury that Tyler introduces to him.Â
âHoly shit,â Gabriel mutters as he stares up at the black and wooden beauty of the deck. Dana elbows in his side, telling him to be polite in front of the captain.Â
âWelcome to Black Jack.â
There were crew members there to hand out fancy smoothies and grab everyoneâs bags.Â
You had seen yachts on some of your old high school classmatesâ Insta stories but this was beyond.Â
âIâd like to introduce you guys to the crew. Theyâll be assisting me to give you youngins a good time.â
Captain Barrett ran down the line and you all greeted every person. Miguel made mental notes of their names. Theyâll be getting close with all of the surprises he had planned for you.Â
âAnd this is my son, Blake! Heâll be helping me up in the cockpit.â
Miguel stopped to shake his hand.Â
He was like the textbook definition of a pretty frat boy. Tall, but not OâHara tall, tan, and handsome. He smiled and showed a straight line of teeth, dimples peeking through.Â
âNice to meet you, Miguel. Kronâs really not coming?â
Whatâs with people asking about that dickhead today?
âNope. Just us and our friends. If he does come, itâs news to me.âÂ
Blake went to shake your hand and it was like he started to glow under the sun. His smile went up to his eyes and he mimicked the heartthrobs in the movies Miguelâs cousins watched growing up.Â
âAnd whoâs this?â
âMy name is-â
âMy girlfriend,â Miguel said before you could even finish.Â
You looked up at him in shock, laughing it off. âThat too, but I have a name.â You respond to Blake and shake his hand.Â
Miguel doesnât like how his eyes scan your body. It was subtle, but he caught it.Â
Even as you all finish up greetings, Blake is still making moves towards you. The type of flirting that probably flew over your head, but Miguel has been around enough guys like him to know exactly what it was.Â
 âSo is this your first time on a boat?â Blake asked you while he guided you guys to your room.Â
âNo, actually. But itâs definitely my first time on a yacht, especially one this huge.â
Miguel followed behind with Dana and Gabriel.
âIs this your first time on a boat?â Miguel mocked Blake quietly, mouth scrunched up.Â
ââLa envidia esta flaca, porque muerde y no come,ââ Gabriel replied. âYouâre turning green from your neck, bro. Heâs just being nice.â (Envy is thin, because it bites and does not eat.)
âNo, heâs definitely flirting,â Dana quipped. âHeâs not even paying the rest of us any attention.â
âThank you, Dana. And Gabriel, donât ever quote a Spaniard to me again.â
âHow do you call that flirting? Heâs not even-â Gabriel paused as Blake laughed really loud at something that you said with his hand guiding you way too close on your ass. âAh shit.â
Miguel stomped towards you two, yanking Blakeâs hand off of you and replacing it with his.Â
âI think weâve got it from here. You can show those two where theyâll be staying. Thanks,â Miguel nods his head towards Dana and Gabriel with a smile that didnât reach his eyes.Â
âRight,â Blake responds to him with a blank face. âIâll see you up on the deck.â Blake winks at you before walking further.Â
âDonât kill him, Miguel,â Dana pats his shoulder as she walks by.Â
âYouâve got my permission to hurt him if he touches me one more time though,â you say, snuggling close to Miguel and patting at his chest.Â
âSo, Iâm killing him. Got it.â
GymRat!Miguel who watches you twirl around the VIP suite.Â
âMiguel! This is so beautiful! Look at the view.â
âOh my god! Thereâs a walk-in closet!â
âThereâs a bidet! Howâd they fit that and a shower in here?â
Miguel leaned on the doorway, watching you comment on every little thing.Â
You made sure to start to spray everything with Lysol, a habit from your mom when traveling.Â
While you were in the bathroom, Miguel got out one of his first gifts of the night.Â
It was another keychain to add to your collection. Heâs been working hard to have this weekend make up for the awful dinner night.Â
He placed it on the bed and started to open his bag to grab his pajamas.Â
âWhatâs this?â you ask, coming out to spray the bed.Â
âJust a little gift for you.â
âAw, this is so cute!â Your voice gets higher as you take in the little legos. âThey even look like us! When did you get these?â
âI got them made about a week ago. You like them?â
âI love them! Thank you, Miggy.â
GymRat!Miguel who wants to moan when you walk out.Â
You guys are going on a double date with Gabriel and Dana at a casual-not-so-casual restaurant farther in the city. That didnât stop you from getting all dolled up.Â
You walk to him on the bed, standing in between his legs.Â
âAmor,â Miguel said, rubbing his hands up and down your backside. âYou look amazing.â
âThank you. So do you,â you responded, careful to not run your hands through his hair. It was a comfort for you, but you didnât want to ruin it.Â
Instead, you bent down to kiss him in the quiet of the room. The sun was still out, but a lot dimmer than before. Little patches of sunlight caught Miguelâs eyes. The color was so deeply brown, you swore you saw speckles of red throughout.Â
He moved to sit you on his lap, glancing over every detail of your body.Â
âYouâre making it harder for me to want to leave.â
âItâs funny that you say that. Youâve been walking around like youâre straight out of a beach movie. Chest out and legs for days.â
Miguel blushed and put his head in your chest, bending you back and holding you so you wonât fall.Â
âWhat are you hiding for? Itâs true!â you laugh as Miguel seemed to burrow his face deeper.Â
âYeah, but you donât have to call me out.â He was just trying to impress you, per usual.Â
GymRat!Miguel who gets nervous on the way to the restaurant. It was one of those immersive experiences with projections on the plates that told stories with the meals. They were pretty cute to Miguel and he figured that all three of you guys would love it.Â
The only thing is, he pulled some strings with Tyler to add an extra animation in there. Heâs not sure how much that cost, but heâs glad he didnât have to see the price.Â
GymRat!Miguel who side-eyes Gabriel when he just about screams as the little chef walks across the animated place.Â
âHeâs so tiny!â he whisper-shouts. âSo precious!â
By the time the first course comes out Gabriel is fighting tears.Â
âControl it, Gabri,â Miguel says, rubbing his back.Â
âIâm trying. I really am.â
GymRat!Miguel whose heart blooms when you laugh at one of the scenes. The little chef is squabbling with a giant shrimp and losing the battle.Â
GymRat!Miguel whose heart speeds up when the special animation starts up.Â
Only the two of your plates are lit up. Thereâs a river of chocolate that separates the two. From Miguelâs plate, thereâs a little version of him that calls to your plate. He watches as your eyes grow when a mini you climbs on top of the plate and yells back. Your character throws him a kiss, sending a pink flutter across the river. The wave of it goes straight to mini Miguelâs heart who in turn, falls backwards dramatically.Â
The real you lets out a watery laugh at the scene, eyes looking at Miguel briefly in shock.Â
Mini Miguel jumps back up and gets to work, digging around the plate to grab biscoff cookies from the chocolate ocean to make a boat. While he works, your character wanders around the plate cutely, tidying up the area for his arrival.Â
When the boat is finished, Mini Miguel uses a giant spoon to steer the boat, singing out brightly the closer he gets to you. The mini you is jumping up and down, cheering him on just like you do in real life.Â
Once he gets to the edge of your plate, you lean close to give him a kiss. He climbs from the boat onto the plate and spins you around. You giggle in his hold until he lets you down.Â
From there, he starts to use the spoon to drag a chocolate message across the plate. He takes confident steps, spreading the brown syrup across the plate with ease.Â
âTĂș eres mi luz.â (You are my light.)
When he finishes it, you both sit at the edge of the plate, feeding each other scoops of chocolate from the giant spoon. They both look up at you to wave, the Mini Miguel cheesing extremely hard as he waves both arms.Â
The animation fades away in a wave of browns and pinks, the waiters bringing out the actual plates of food.Â
The floodgates open when youâre presented with the same chocolate message, a slice of chocolate biscoff cake, and little chocolate decorations of the mini you and Miguel.Â
âOh my god, the spoon is here too,â you say with emotion, picking up a chocolate coated spoon. âMiguel!â
You don't know what to do. You keep fanning your face in hopes to stop the tears from coming out and ruining the light makeup you had on. Dana hands you a pointed napkin and you thank her while holding your head back.Â
Gabriel is a mess, faces wet with tears. His cheeks are round as he blows out air to control his breathing.Â
âI didnât mean to make you cry, mi amor,â Miguelâs face is ridden with worry as he reaches across the table to grab your hand. He looks to Gabriel and sighs, âYou either, hermanito.â (little brother)
âIâm good. I gotta just,â Gabriel waves a hand in front of his face cutely. âJust gotta get this out. If youâll excuse me.âÂ
He gets up to shuffle to the bathroom.Â
âI better go help him out. He gets a little delirious when he cries like that,â Dana says, rubbing your shoulder as she leaves the table.Â
Miguel wastes no time to sit in Danaâs seat, taking the napkin from your hands and wiping carefully at your tears.Â
âI love you. So, so much,â you say, resting your face in his hands. âEveryday, you find new ways to surprise me. I donât know how you do it, but Iâm justâŠâ
You pause, waving your hands in the air, unable to express how you felt. Just thinking about it has the tears spilling over again.Â
âHey, hey,â Miguel chides, catching your tears again. âIf you keep crying, Iâm going to cry.â
âI canât help it, Miguel! You made a cookie boat to get to me. How can I not cry?â
Miguel reaches to kiss your cheeks in hopes to help you subside the tears, âI know, baby, I know. But to answer your first thought, when I think of you, the ideas just pour out of me. Youâre my first true love, so I donât know all the ends and outs of a relationship, but I do know what it feels like to be loved. I just want to extend that feeling to you.â
You stare in awe and the man sitting next to you, eyes glistening as you take in his words.Â
âI think I need another tissue.â
Miguel laughs as he grabs one to pat at your face again.Â
GymRat!Miguel who feeds you bites of the cake while you feed him scoops of ice cream when youâve calmed down. You canât stop smiling for the rest of the night.Â
divider by: @iwonbin đ©”
Part 9.2 here!
a/n: This is half of the chapter, but I had so much fun writing this! (mostly because I was not doing my actual work while writing half of it), especially Gabriel's silly ass. Like, it was super duper fun. Writing jealous Miguel was also great. There's so much stuff about reader that he was unaware of and I've been imagining him sitting at a table and yelling like Kendrick when it all plays back in his mind.
As always, like, comment, and reblog. Let me know how you feel! đ©”
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#love lab drabbles đ#GymRat!Miguel đȘđŸ#miguel o'hara fanfiction#miguel o'hara x you#miguel o'hara x reader#x chubby reader#x plus size reader#miguel o'hara x fem!reader#miguel ohara x fem!reader#miguel ohara x reader#miguel oâhara x reader#miguel x reader#atsv x reader#spiderman 2099 x reader#miguel x you#miguel o'hara x chubby reader#miguel o'hara x chubby!reader#miguel oâhara x chubby reader#miguel oâhara x plus size reader#miguel o'hara x plus size reader#chubby reader#plus size reader#spiderman 2099 smut#miguel o'hara smut#miguel ohara smut#miguel oâhara smut#miguel smut#miguel fanfic#miguel ohara fanfiction
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Taurus placementsđ
đSun in taurus-i believe that they have one thing in common: they have hobbies that fulfill them. you won't catch them overworking themselves to the point that they do not take a break to do something they love. they are good at different things as well and are often fast learners. no matter what other placements they have, i think they have a pretty approachable nature. i have met people with this placement who are quite intelligent. i think they are a bit impatient at times and want to do things their own way, and it's up to you whether that offends you or not lol. loving and sensitive people at their core<3
đMoon in taurus-some of the warmest people you will ever meet. they value the people in their lives and they are often a voice of reason when you need it the most. they know how to pay attention to you and converse with you respectfully, even when you disagree on things. they have specific worldviews that are difficult to change, but if they think you're sensible and kind, they may try to change their perspective. that being said, in any other scenario, good luck changing their mind. they're pretty chill most of the time, so when you provoke a strong reaction out of them, you probably made a huge mistake (good luck). they're also soft honestly, but do not be mistaken, they are strong people. i have noticed that they are usually closer to their mums than dads, and their dads have a distant character. main love language: acts of service<3
đAscendant/rising in taurus- um, stunning and magnetic. this is well-known though, but they deserve to hear it every time. they are charming and the women give off girl-next-door vibes. i feel like they all share similar eyes, just google the celebs and you'll see what i mean, just a warm look overall. some may appear intense, depending on their other placements, but as soon as you talk to them it feels like you're talking to a friend. oh and the elegance some of them have? amazing. intelligent as wellđ
đMercury in taurus-i have to say, i did not expect them to be so talkative. they are a bit shy when talking to new people or those they do not feel that comfortable with, but as soon as they relax with someone, they are yappers lol. when they like a topic, it's possible they have given it a lot of thought so they have a lot to say. similarly to aries mercury, they have strong opinions but they can be more open-minded when they want to. they can sound too objective sometimes, and give a bit harsh advice. they also love to gossip, sometimes even too loud when they're into it. to me, they have a specific voice, it kind of stands out among others. some men with this placement are known for having a really nice voice
đVenus in taurus-they adore the idea of love. you'll catch them watching rom-coms every once in a while so they could satisfy that part of them. if they don't show their romantic side when they're with you, you're wasting your time cause they're clearly not that into you. they want you to share some of their interests, possibly because they want to spend even more time with you and feel like you get each other. i think they can also be guilty of idealising their partners a lot and create an image of their persona that's not real. one of their main love languages is gift giving, heavy emphasis on this.
đMars in taurus-intimidating when you cross them. they are pretty good at going after what they want and although they experience a lot of stress until they achieve things, they still excel at it. they may hide their frustrations pretty well, and then when they're alone or with people they can be themselves with, lmao they let out so many emotions. at this point i'm even ashamed to describe them as "stubborn" because that's their middle name, everyone knows it. out of all the placements i feel like they lean the most toward conservative views? do let me know if im on the right track here. they also need to watch out for being insensitive at times
đJupiter in taurus-i'll have to be brief here (sorry) because i don't know anyone with this placement, but only what i've read over the years. they usually have a good eye for aesthetics and appreciate following one themselves, they know how to cook and in general provide a sense of a comfortable home. they are good with all things material, and they are quite sensual. they know how to enjoy life and use their sensibility and charm to succeed, and get far in life. i respect them tbh!
đSaturn in taurus-it isn't easy for them to focus on the material world and focus on what's right in front of them. they're often in their daydreams and are quite capable people, but they need a push sometimes to actually start doing things (khm procrastinators) that does not mean they are irresponsible, but they experience difficulties with the worldly expectations (hope this makes sense). they are sensible and wise, but the part that requires to act on it can sometimes shut downđ«i've read this many times and can confirm it since i have this placement: scared of losing things-property/money/land, you name it. lastly, they just understand how people function and they are wise!
thank you for reading this, hun! i would love to hear your feedbackđ
#astrology#astrology observations#astro observations#taurus#taurus placements#rosesnbooks#ik i haven't written about neptune and uranus#but that's because i like to focus on the houses more in that case#divider by fairytopea
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Hello fellow Cloud Strife freak đ«Ą
(Yes itâs the same star_sworn from ao3 lol)
If youâre feeling in the mood for it in your last week before school, I was hoping to request a nsfw fem reader/Cloud fic where he is possessive/jealous, and he spanks reader: a LOT. Both before sex (with extensive foreplay, lots of dirty talk, maybe oral for him?) and during sex. Just spanking with hands please, and not super hard spanks either, I'm very vanilla lol. It's not about hurting her, it's more a possessive thing for Cloud (and an ass thing lol!). But reader is SUPER into it. I'm not looking for any hardcore dom/sub or anything, just stuff a committed couple would do (some soft dom vibes, like in Mind Cloud/ed).
Maybe itâs the first time he does it and they both realize how much they both like it, or maybe theyâve come home from a party where the guys were checking out his girl and he is feeling possessive/frustrated. I leave it to you if you want to take this request!
I look forward to the filth. Let's give this ass man something to do with his hands⊠đ
Also best of luck with school starting!!
I LOVE THIS omg
Thanks for this delicious request love đ»âĄâĄ
Jealousy ăâ
â àŁȘ. âđđđŁđđđ â« Cloud Strife/fem!reader
â àŁȘ. đđđŁđđđđđ€ â« smut!, p in v, spanking, few hints of dacryphilia, bjs, sexy hour Cloud ;), not proofread!
â àŁȘ. đž/â â« I'm baack! I hope u guys missed me hehe
â àŁȘ. đđ đŁđđđ đŠđđ„ â« 2.321
He was closer to you this night, walking right beside you as he guided you to your appartment, his hand brushing over yours as the dark path consumed your vision.
He was quiet too, way more than usual. His eyes didn't seem as if they were trying to search your own ones like they would always do.
Maybe he was stressed out?
This week has been a long one and you could see it on his eyes, he was tired. As time grew older, you had managed to read his enigmatic emotions quite well, so you thought that maybe he just needed to rest for tonight.
But your theory was quickly proven wrong as you entered your home, ready to wave him goodbye for the night.
. . .
Before you could even turn around, his chest had enveloped your back, pushing you further into your appartment until your hands met the wall.
His husky breathing hit your ear, a shockwave of goosebumps trickled your skin.
Why was he that needy all of the sudden??
Your mind circled around lots of different questions but the harsh sound of the door closing made you jump.
You didn't dare to open your mouth, not yet. You could feel his hands on your waist, but they didn't caress you like he always would, like when he touched you for the first time.
You internally cracked a small smile at the memory, he was just as nervous and fidgety as you were.
The moonlight encased both of your bodies as he took off your clothes for the first time, making an absolute mess of himself when he finally got to the act.
But those gentle and somewhat shy touches were far lost inside his guts somewhere, instead, they were replaced with fierce and strong movements.
You turned around slowly, you could feel yourself getting aroused by this sudden role he was playing. And when you stared at those almost hollow eyes, you saw passion, lust and hunger all mixed up together in a ballad of desesperation.
His lips devoured yours not even a second after.
Your eyes were tight shut, savouring the sweet moment he was offering you. Your lips tried to move slowly, trying to enjoy this new facade, but he wouldn't let you.
His tongue was already inside your mouth when you felt his fingertips lower themselves down your body.
You knew he was an ass guy, it was absolutely cristal clear.
He would always grab your ass, brushing it off saying that it was an "accident". Pushing his hips into yours from behind whenever you couldn't reach for something, always walking right behind you whenever you two where with the group.
However, you didn't expect he liked... spanking.
It started off slow, giving you little taps as he grabbed and squeezed your butt. He pushed further into you, almost as if he wanted to break the wall behind you.
The kisses soon turned sloppy, soaking up both of your lips before he trailed them further down, and you had to bite your lip in order to not let any sounds yet.
His hair trickled your flushed cheek, hands quickly grabbing it as his kisses turned into bites, sucking your soft skin.
The crown of your hair hit the cold wall behind you, mouth agape as you let him sneak a hand behind your back, pulling you impossibly closer to his chest as the other one caressed your hip.
Ready to finally use your voice tonight, you eventually opted not to. He had just became so... primal for you, you didn't dare to even make a question.
However, you wished this blissful moment lasted longer.
"Oop!"
A cut out yelp emerged from your mouth as his hands took ahold of your legs, lifting you up easily into the air.
He wrapped your legs around his hips, your crotch resting just above his belly button and, simultaneously, your arms embraced his neck for support.
You moved up and down thanks to his heavy steps and, trying to get payback from earlier, you started pecking his neck. Starting off gently, kissing and giving butterfly kisses into his jugular.
You noticed he became clumsier, almost tripping over as you sucked a hickie. Your kisses got wetter, hotter and your hand started to caress the back of his hair.
You giggled at his clumsy steps but as soon as you were placed on top of your chilly kitchen counter and saw his serious face once again, you quieted down.
His hands gripped your thighs as if they were his sword, his head coming down to rest on your neck once again to give you little pecks, weirdly more tenderly than the ones he had given you before.
But you pulled his mouth off you briefly.
"What's up with yo-"
"Who was he"
His eyes were finally looking at yours after a long while.
"What? What are you talki-"
"Who was that guy"
Your hands now rested on his shoulder blades, feeling the hard touch of metal bellow your right hand.
Frowning your brows, you tried to think about what guy was he talking about.
. . .
You smelled the aura and it smelt musky.
The first scent you picked out first was a strong breeze of sudden whisky, the wet and fermented barley filling up your nose.
Then you smelt a recognizable, stronge cologne floating around your head now. And when you lifted up your head, you saw him.
A mature, bearded man.
He was wearing a long black coat, some glasses keeping your curious eyes from staring at his own ones. You stayed there for a second, he looked oddly familar.
But before you could figure out who was that man, you came back to Earth, remembering that you were winding down after a long day in Seventh Heaven.
You grabbed your drink, resting for a while on your seat until your drink was halfway done.
But before you could walk away from that husky cloud, a large hand grabbed your shoulder, making you face the misterious man.
Your eyes lingered first on his fierce brown eyes, looking at his mature skin, you saw a scar on his left cheek that time had tried to heal, trying to match his skin colour.
You saw his lips move, but you had to re-think your answer before opening your own mouth.
"I saw you back there"
Okay.
You hadn't expected that phrase.
Where could he had seen you anyway? Was he following you?
"I like what you guys are doing for the Planet"
What?
You knew what you were doing was benefitial for the Planet, but Shinra worked so hard into putting your group as a terrorist one and actually killing way more people from the explosions than expected.
But why did he knew?
"Those Shinra guys deserve worse"
It came out as a mumble and you couldn't help but look at him with a puzzled expresion, accepting the friendly pats he gave on your shoulder, thanking you.
That was sweet. . .?
. . .
"Ohh, that man back there?"
He stopped his movements, almost as if letting you know that you were right.
"I saw him to-"
Now you were the one that cut him off, not boring to hide the sly smirk on your face.
"Wait, are you jealous?"
Suddenly his cheeks reddened, but before he could see your grin he lowered his head down into your neck once again.
Ready to make another snicker, you were interruped by his palm now resting on your panties, making you gasp.
His index finger moved up and down and you took matter into your own hands too, quite literally.
He hissed as your bold hand groped him too, trying to lure him into letting you give him some pleasure too.
"Let me make you feel good"
Your heated breathing sent cold shivers down his spine and, as your teeth lightly bit his ear, he lost it.
"So pretty"
You would always praise him, and it would always make him feel sort of bad, he would keep his own thoughts about how gorgerous you were to himself.
But he meant all of them.
His shirt and SOLDIER armour was now discared on the cold floor, your icy hands caressing his abs before finally getting down on your knees.
His absolutely favourite view in the whole Planet.
He helped you take off his belt, letting your overly-excited fingers do the rest of the work. And when you finally got face to face with him, he placed a reassuring hand on your head.
You started off with slow strokes, kitten-kissing his angry red tip. Sensually trailling lower and lower on his shaft just to tease him and rake higher and higher again.
Until he finally had enough, gripping quite hardly your hair.
"Get on with it"
He actually scared himself off at first with his demanding tone, his desesperation seemingly clear on his blushed cheeks as he stared down at you. And you complied, enjoying the choked out gasp you managed to pull out of his throat when you suddenly introduced him halfway into your wet cavern.
Lust filled eyes staring down at the mess you were making on his cock, gripping hardly the counter behind him as he tried not to buck his hips into your mouth.
Not only your sweet face was all in display for him to see, but your sweet, sweet ass was there too.
As dirty as it sounded inside his head
Your hands held his thighs hardly too, enjoying every sound you were being able to pull from him as you took him deeper and deeper. He was big, and it was almost funny how he didn't actually believe you could struggle to take him at first.
But it sure ignited something inside him
He throbbed when he saw you gag on him, help him reach his end with the help of your hand, your glossy eyes staring up at him.
He needed to feel you.
But not like this
So he took your face off him, smashing desesperately his lips against yours once again, feeling a fuzzy tingle inside him as he heavily rested on your lower stomach now.
His hands held your face ridiculously gently compared from how he had gripped your hair just a few seconds ago, walking you backwards until you met the counter once again.
"turn around"
His voice was deeper now, staring daggers into your eyes as he waited for you to obediently follow his lead. And you did.
You bent yourself down, ready to whatever he was going to give you this night right there and then.
And when you felt him pull your skirt up, you pushed your hips back into his hands, making him pull down your panties even slower than he intended to. Almost as if he was getting payback from before.
When they pooled through your ankles, his hand softly massaged your right cheek, feeding off your whines.
"Please"
However, he kept going.
No matter how hard he was, how hardly he wanted to fill you up, to feel you entirely around him once again. He wanted to show you how you were his, how he loved and desired you.
So, without thinking, the harsh sound of a "slap!" filled your ears and ceirtantly, your butt.
You couldn't help yourself but let out a pathetic moan, his hand now rubbing the red spot he had left. He had heard you, and it was the same sound you would let out whenever he was fingering you.
Did you actually like it?
So once he had tested the waters, he set his sights on slipping the nastiest mewls from your mouth tonight.
"Mmph- Cloud"
There it was, his name filling his ears the best way it could've had. So he started teasing your slit with his shaft, more slapping sounds filling up the small appartment as you almost rested your whole chest on the counter now.
You picked out the sound of plastic, something opening up. Which you later would guess was a condom.
But before you could make contact with the cold tile, his left arm surrounded your stomach, pulling you up into him, lips mere centimeters away from your ear.
"I'm going inside now, is that okay?"
How sweet
But sweet wasn't an adjective that matched his dirty and husky tone. His hand was now toying with your front, exposing you to the darkness as he squeezed your breasts now.
So you nodded, feeling suddenly too shy to speak to him.
"Too embarrassed to use your voice now huh?"
And you opened it, but it was useless to his tip now proding your entrance, slowly taking him further and further. Holding the arm that was embracing you, you rolled your head into his shoulder, silently whimpering at the warm feeling.
"Got you, almost there"
His reassuring tone he used with no one really never failed to make your knees feel like jelly.
But his adorable act lasted as quick as you managed to cum with his skilled fingers.
He started to move, and he was clearly desesperate. Setting off a crude, fast pace as you were now fully bent over, his hands gripping your hips. His middle finger was now circling quickly your clit, pulling off the nastiest moans he had wished for.
You imagined his glistening, lean form behind you, making you take all of him, using your tight walls in search for his climax. His hair all ruffled up, a bead of sweat trailing down into his v-line, and the sudden spanks your ass would recieve.
That was your last straw, mewling out his name as you soaked his cock.
And by the way you gripped him even harder, which he thought was impossible now, spasming around him violently.
He was done.
So he followed close behind, painting the plastic walls white, imagining it was you who was taking his load instead.
#[ đ c0smos!fics ]#smutâŒïž#cloud strife x reader#cloud strife x you#cloud x reader#final fantasy smut#ffvii smut#ff7 smut#final fantasy x reader#ff7 fic#ff7 fanfic#ff7 x reader#ffvii x reader#ffvii cloud#ff7#final fantasy vii#cloud strife#cloud ff7#ff7 cloud#ff7 remake#final fantasy vii remake#final fantasy cloud#final fantasy 7#ffviir
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saudade | as12
funny how you can miss someone you never met, right? my heart was aching today a lot and i cried even more while writing this so yes, it is long and it is sad, so you decide if you wanna read this or not. if you do, please enjoy if its even possible to enjoy bawling your eyes out lol
oh ayrton, you will always be missed
summary: during senna's funeral y/n has flashes of their shared past and what they could have together
warnings: for sure its intense, 5.6k words of pure sadness, thats it basically
pairing: fem!mclaren!driver x ayrton senna
It was a warm, pleasant day. The beginning of may didn't disappoint with the weather at all. A light, warm breeze swayed the flexible branches, on which fresh leaves were green. The sun was pleasantly warm, but it wasn't unbearable heat. Birdsong could be heard, but so could crying. On this day, mourners outnumbered the blossoming buds on the trees.
A crowd of people had gathered in front of the church, but it was nothing compared to the crowds still on their way. Everyone was dressed in black, and the only point of color in the black mass was a yellow dot, which from a bird's eye view resembled a sunflower petal, thrown onto the black, fertile soil. It was a helmet, a yellow racing helmet, which no one gathered there needed to be introduced to. In trembling hands, a young girl held it, never once moving it away from her chest. She held it against herself so tightly, as if she wanted to feel the warmth emanating from it, but it radiated coldness, like the inside of the church she was about to enter, barely able to keep herself on her feet.
Inside the chapel, it hadn't yet become crowded; the military made sure that the family and friends entered the church first. Inside, there was a grave silence, broken only by the occasional blowing of noses into tissues or a stifled sob.
The girl was aware of what was happening, she knew where she was and why she was there. However, her brain stubbornly avoided connecting the dots and completely pushed the facts out of her consciousness. If it had, she would probably have thrown the held helmet deep into the church, and it would have stopped only when it hit the wooden, solid coffin. The girl's gaze never once lifted towards her.
"Y/N, can you hear me?," the girl flinched when Ron's words reached her for the umpteenth time, "You know you don't have to be here, we can be outside."
The girl blinked several times, and at that very moment, her brain stopped pushing away the facts. Ron held her arm, his eyes swollen, his face even redder than usual. She herself pressed the helmet to her chest, so tightly that only when she moved it away from herself a little was she able to fully breathe. She raised her eyes and looked around. She stood in the front row of benches, where at the very top, just in front of the altar steps, stood the coffin. A large, carefully ironed Brazilian flag lay on it, its freely hanging ends touching the fresh flowers lying beneath it.
"Y/NâŠ," the man began again, this time quieter. He saw tears in the girl's eyes, and he was about to continue, but she pressed the helmet tighter to her chest and started walking forward. She only moved the helmet away from herself when she placed it on the coffin. Y/N fell to her knees and began to sob, pressing her forehead against the hard lid. However, the lid of the coffin wasn't the only thing that separated her from her friend. The worst was death.
It was a brisk february morning. Silverstone Circuit had not yet woken up, there was no deafening roar of engines in the background, and the smell of burnt rubber didn't hang in the air.
Although it wasn't a race day and only a handful of people were milling around the facility, unlike the tens of thousands who usually flooded in for the weekend races, this day was expected to be exciting and full of emotions too.
Certainly, it was so for the 23-year-old Theodore Racing driver, who, sitting in the passenger seat on her way to the circuit, nervously picked at her nails. However, she should now be referred to as the "former Theodore Racing driver" because on this day, she had a test day at McLaren, with whom she signed a contract two weeks ago. In the past two months, the girl's life had changed dramatically. A few days after her birthday, she became the European Formula 3 World Champion, winning the title by just one point. One! The fact that she was so young and the only woman to rise so high meant that many people had their eyes on her and followed her every move. However, most people who hadn't seen her driving at over 200 kilometers per hour thought that being a woman automatically disqualified her from the sport. Ron Dennis, the head of McLaren, was familiar with her skills, though, and seeing how well she performed in the lower levels, he decided to take a risk and give her a chance. One of his proteges, however, wasn't so sure about this decision.
"Girl? You want to replace Prost with a girl?"
Senna, upon hearing the candidate to replace Alain, who, after five years of dealing with him, decided to quit and move away from McLaren, only shook his head.
"Yes, that's exactly what I plan to do," Ron lit a cigarette and shifted his gaze from the car to the disgusted face of the Brazilian, "Maybe she'll calm you down a bit. It's a miracle I found anyone to take Prost's place, no one wants to work with you!"
Ayrton snorted and shook his head again, unable to believe that his boss wanted to do something so idiotic. Silence fell in the garage, none of the mechanics intended to interrupt their conversation. Just like everyone else in the team agreed with Ron that it was a miracle to find anyone willing to take Prost's place, the same majority couldn't imagine a woman starting to race in Formula 1. Especially alongside a driver like Senna.
"A few races, and she'll quit on her own," the Brazilian muttered, "You'll see."
"Pray that she likes you and wants to race for us."
When the car stopped in the gravel parking lot, the girl got out and put on her sunglasses. Tom, her manager and a close friend of her father, just glanced at her and rubbed her back. He knew perfectly well how stressed she was. No one would be prepared for so much in such a short time.
"Everything will be fine."
"You don't have to say that."
He sighed and just pointed with his hand towards the entrance to the facility, letting her through the glass doors. He didn't convince himself too much. Shortly after, after receiving the appropriate instructions, they reached the paddock. Here, the sun didn't glare in her eyes, so the girl took off her glasses, looking around. An empty Silverstone was something unheard of.
"Good morning, welcome, good to see you,"
Ron, standing in front of the garage, as soon as he noticed the girl, broke off from the conversation with one of the mechanics and smiled at her, shaking her hand. She showed up for the tests, so he thought she deserved a shot. Maybe this would work.
The girl made an effort to smile and nodded at him. Fortunately, she didn't have to engage in a conversation with him because he was immediately engaged by her manager. She was glad that in moments like this, someone else could spare her from meaningless chatter.
"Good morning."
She greeted, approaching the car where a few men were working on the wheels, wing, and cockpit. Some of them spoke up, while the rest just nodded at her. She immediately felt unwelcome, and barely a minute had passed since she appeared in the garage. However, this was nothing new to her, she would lie if she said she was surprised. But the most important thing for her was that Ron treated her as an equal, or at least didn't make her feel like she didn't belong here. That gave her a sense of comfort. She didn't need a crowd standing behind her; she only needed two people who had her back.
The girl slowly walked around the car. The new, ready-for-the-season MP4/4 looked very good. Next to the car marked with her number stood another, practically identical, differing only in the number painted in red on the front.
However, the owner of the car was nowhere to be seen, at least not in sight. Y/N hadn't had the opportunity to meet Ayrton personally. The drivers' presentation with the car was scheduled for the end of the month, so it was quite likely that until then, she would have time to mentally prepare herself. She knew Ayrton from stories; she could watch his battles both on and off the track on television, the domestic war he waged with Alain Prost which ended with the Frenchman's departure to Ferrari.
Y/N knew she would have to face many things, one of which was Senna.
"Ready?"
Ron's voice snapped her out of her thoughts, he held a helmet and jumpsuit for her in his hand. She nodded and took the items from him, going to change. When she returned, she took her place in the cockpit, and after some time, when everything was ready, she followed the instructions and took her place on the track. She took a deep breath and clenched her hands on the steering wheel, staring at the start lights. When they went out, the girl sped off with squealing tires and the roar of the engine.
Ron and Tom stood next to each other, watching her movements on small monitors. After some time, the mechanics also began to glance at the monitors, seemingly more interested in whether she hadn't crashed yet than in her results. What surprised them was the sight on one of the displays showing her current lap time, which now stood at 1.38.412 seconds. Ron smiled and shook his head in amazement. The young girl was incredible.
The car itself wasn't handling badly. Besides feeling like a huge boat, to which she was definitely too small, it was actually a well-engineered machine. A few more laps, and she should be able to tame it completely. Although this fact was reassuring. When the girl spotted the checkered flag, she obediently pulled into the garage. She turned off the engine and unfastened her seatbelts, but she didn't get out of the car or take off her helmet because Ron was already beside her, hugging her tightly.
"Young lady, you flew in that car!" The man helped her out of the car, and she took off her helmet and balaclava, taking out the earplugs. "I told you, you did amazingly. Unbelievable lap time, great driving."
The girl wiped her forehead with the back of her hand and blew a strand of wet hair from her forehead.
"It's a really good car, sir."
"A good car without a good driver is just a good car, and a good car with a great driver is a masterful car," Ron shook her hand again, "Brilliant job."
The girl returned his smile, and when she glanced at Tom standing a few steps away, he was also smiling, his smile was the kind of "I told you so."
Y/N gave appropriate feedback to the mechanics and strategists, who now seemed to pay attention to her significantly more than when she first appeared in the garage that morning. Their faces still tried to remain impassive, but nevertheless, they noted everything she had to say. When it was all over, the girl went to change. She washed her face with cold water and looked at herself in the mirror, clenching her hands on the cold sink. She did it.
When she managed to cool down and calm herself down a bit, clutching her helmet under her arm and holding her jumpsuit in the other hand, shortly after she left the bathroom. Suddenly, she bumped into someone, and that someone turned out to be someone she sincerely didn't want to meet that day.
"Watch where you're going."
Senna muttered, holding a lit cigarette between his lips. He gave her a quick glance and disappeared through the doorway, his jumpsuit rustling as he walked away.
The girl squeezed her helmet tighter under her arm and returned to the garage, putting things back in place. After receiving the last praise and handshake from Ron, she said goodbye and left the paddock with Tom. Ayrton pretended to be too busy preparing for the start, so he didn't honor her with even a single glance. When he heard Ron praising her driving, he only snorted under his breath and shook his head. When the garage fell silent again, Ayrton took his place in the car, getting ready to drive.
"1.38.412"
Senna looked up when Ron spoke above his head.
"1.38.412," he repeated calmly, "The lap time of a twenty-three-year-old after her first drive in a Formula 1 car."
The Brazilian snorted and lowered his gaze, putting earplugs in his ears.
"I hope you'll be better than the girl."
Ayrton didn't hear his words anymore because he put on his balaclava and helmet. He didn't believe the girl had achieved such a lap time. And even if she did, it only spoke of the car's capabilities, not her skills. Senna hoped he would be faster by at least a few seconds. He had been racing in Formula 1 for almost five years; he was incredibly fast, and above all, he was a man!
When the tests ended, and he returned to the garage, satisfied with himself and his driving, the first thing he did was to look for Ron's reaction, wanting to see his expression when he rubbed his nose in it. However, the Brit looked at him indulgently, and Senna, not knowing what he meant, quickly tried to free himself from the seat belts. The Brit simply turned the monitor towards him and pointed with his finger at something that, according to Ayrton, was a big mistake.
Between him and the girl, there was a difference of a few seconds, indeed. But Ayrton was slower.
When Senna freed himself from the car, hastily took off his helmet and balaclava, and removed the earplugs, he was about to say something when Ron stopped him, pressing a cassette to his chest.
"Here, watch it tonight and see how the twenty-three-year-old beat you."
Ayrton squeezed the cassette in his hand and only watched him leave, unable to utter a word. It was some kind of absurdity!
Absurd or not, Senna spent the evening in front of the TV. He sat on the couch, leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees. He frowned and carefully watched the recording from the camera placed in her cockpit. He saw how she aggressively entered corners, braking as late as possible, and how quickly she stepped on the gas when the centrifugal forces stopped working. He took a drag and blew smoke from his mouth, rewinding the tape from the beginning, just as it ended. The recording lasted twenty minutes, and he watched it for the seventh time, counting each lap on his stopwatch. Every time, the result was the same.
He couldn't wrap his head around what she had done, but he decided to consider it just a stroke of luck. She had a better day; he had a slightly worse one. Moreover, it wasn't the testing session or even the qualifying rounds that determined the winner, but the race itself. Driving on an empty track without rivals wanting to take your position was one thing, but racing in a competition where everyone wanted to beat you was a completely different matter. If someone had told Ayrton then that four years later, that girl would shed tears at his funeral, he would have told them to fuck themselves.
Y/N felt a strong arm around her waist, trying to lift her. Ron's heart broke seeing her in such a state. However, he couldn't help her even if he wanted to.
"Y/N, pleaseâŠ," he began, but she shook her head, overcome with tears. Wet stains of tears were visible on the flag covering the coffin. The girl was trembling all over, it was a miracle she could breathe. Since the accident, it seemed like Y/N was handling the tragedy very well, just being sad and quiet. No one had any idea what was yet to come. Everyone who saw Y/N by the coffin, this sight of a broken girl, felt nothing but sympathy. The bond she had formed with Ayrton seemed stronger and much richer in emotions than any he had with any of his partners. Ayrton wasn't just her teammate, he wasn't just a friend or sometimes her biggest enemy. From the very beginning, Y/N mattered to him, and if he said otherwise, he was simply lying.
The official skills assessment test for the girl was scheduled to take place less than three weeks after her first visit to the McLaren garage. Now, however, an official presentation awaited her at the reception hosted by the team. One evening at the company headquarters, a banquet was held, attended by far more people than initially anticipated. Most of them were journalists who had to announce to the world the phenomenon that was a woman at the top level of motor racing.
"It's more crowded here than I thought," the girl admitted when she entered the team headquarters with Tom by her side.
"Everyone is curious about you. There are even a couple of journalists from Australia, believe it or not," Tom said.
She looked at him in shock. "And they flew here specifically for this presentation?"
He smiled and nodded. "They'll be talking to kangaroos and kiwi birds about you," he joked, trying to lighten the mood. And it worked because she giggled at his words. However, her smile faded when she noticed Ron talking to Ayrton and two other men in suits.
"Everything will be fine. You did well on the tests, so you'll do well here too," he said softly, rubbing her arm when he noticed her expression.
"There weren't any sharks in suits and piranhas with cameras there," Tom was about to add some words of encouragement when Ron spotted them and raised his hand with a glass in it, trying to get their attention. They approached him, and he greeted them, introducing them to the directors. Ayrton, standing aside, was mindful of how many people were now watching him and wondering if his new teammate would share Prost's fate. However, the Brazilian had no intention of making an effort for gestures he didn't intend. Nevertheless, courtesy demanded it, so he extended his hand, which she hesitantly shook.
"Senna," he said, his Brazilian accent strongly evident in his last name. "Welcome to the team."
The girl introduced herself as well, but it was hard for her to maintain eye contact. Not because he was almost half a head taller, but because of the confidence emanating from him. It was his team, his place, and his time, and she was just a guest. There was no room for discussion.
Fortunately, the awkward situation was soon interrupted as the drivers and management were invited onstage. Ayrton gestured for the girl to go ahead, and she began to walk in front of him.
"I hope you don't grip the wheel as weakly as you do hands," he murmured behind her, quietly enough so no one else would hear, but loud enough for her to hear his words.
Y/N lowered her gaze, feeling a wave of heat wash over her. Even if she wanted to respond, she couldn't. He caught her completely off guard.
As they stepped onto the small stage, they stood behind one of the cars prepared for this season. The girl intertwined her fingers behind her back and straightened up, standing next to Ayrton. He might play his stupid games on her, but she had no intention of showing that she would easily give in. He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye and almost believed that his comment had gone unnoticed, but her cheeks were flushed. Normally, he would probably snort under his breath, but now he kept his composure.
After a few words from Ron and the board members, the floor was given to the drivers. The two of them remained on stage, each with a microphone in hand. Now it was time for the media, for their pressing questions and burning issues.
Ayrton sat relaxed, almost bored. His legs were bent at the knees, slightly apart. One hand was around his waist, resting his elbow on it, holding the microphone in the other hand. He answered questions briefly and to the point, not dwelling more than necessary. His attire alone indicated that today's banquet was just a formality; he wore a suit, but instead of a shirt, he had a white T-shirt, and on his feet were sports shoes.
Despite her best efforts not to stress out, Y/N was far from as calm as Ayrton. She sat up straight, one leg crossed over the other. Although her red dress practically touched the floor, she glanced occasionally to make sure nothing was out of place. She felt like every move, even the smallest one, was being watched and analyzed. She felt she wasn't focusing on the content of the questions but on how she appeared.
The girl blinked several times, trying to find a sensible answer to the question that had been directed at her a few seconds ago.
"Could you repeat that?" she asked, feeling a bit embarrassed about her inattention. Ayrton, however, heard the question well.
"I asked if you think you're good enough to compete with men or if you're just here for publicity? Racing is still a male-dominated sport, and it seems like you're just trying to prove something rather than compete," the man in glasses squeezed the voice recorder in his hand and looked at her expectantly. Seeing her confusion, he sighed, "I see you're not too bright, so let me ask directly - do you really think you belong here? Do you have what it takes to keep up with the boys on the track?"
The girl panicked a little; this question completely threw her off guard. Emotions overwhelmed her, and she couldn't utter a word. But there was someone who could speak and had an exceptionally sharp tongue.
"I see that, Mr. - again, for whom are you writing?" Ayrton spoke up, furrowing his brows.
"John Ruffleck, Guardian."
"Ah, of course, the Guardian," the man clicked his tongue indulgently. "Clearly, you are the one that didn't shine with intelligence, asking last year's Formula 3 world champion if she fits in here." Y/N was shocked to hear that Ayrton stood up for her. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. Despite still sitting calmly, the Brazilian was ready for a verbal battle. "If I fit in here, then the 23-year-old who set a better lap time than me during the tests also fits."
Ayrton bluntly silenced the journalist, who merely muttered a quiet "Thank you" and lowered his head.
Several more questions were thrown in by Ayrton, steering the conversation away from sexist undertones. By the end of the conference, there were no more questions about sexist issues. The drivers got up from their seats, and Y/N turned off her microphone, placing it on the sound table as Senna did the same.
"Thank you," she said, looking at him. He also looked at her, but this time his expression didn't express annoyance or boredom, as it did two times before when their eyes met.
"Don't thank me," he said, taking two glasses of champagne from the waitress. "You are allow to drink, right?" he asked before handing her one of them. She nodded and took the glass from him. "Don't thank me, just learn to counter such nonsense. If they're rude, we can be rude too."
Y/N took a big sip of champagne. Her mouth was dry from nerves.
"I don't want to be rude, it's not proper," she said.
"Not proper?" Senna scoffed. "Because you're a girl?"
"Because they'll think poorly of me"
"Do you really care what that bunch of idiots thinks?"
The girl lowered her gaze. Ayrton was right.
Did she really care? She was a driver; she was supposed to deliver good results. She wasn't supposed to please the audience.
She was about to reply when Ron approached them, cursing the Guardian journalist's stupidity. He was so caught up that he didn't even notice Ayrton sending the girl a final glance and then finishing his champagne, taking out cigarettes from his back pocket, and walking away towards the exit. Y/N only watched him go. At that moment, neither of them had any idea how much she would learn from Ayrton, or that he would gladly take on the role of a teacher himself. No one would have even thought of it then.
When Ron managed to lift the shaken girl, she reached for her helmet again and pressed it to her chest. When she looked up, across from her, on the other side of the coffin, she saw a man in a wheelchair. Frank Williams looked at her in silence, but his gaze was apologetic, his face sad, and his eyes looked like he hadn't slept for days.
"Why?" Y/N whispered, but she wasn't sure if anything managed to leave her lips. Williams didn't need to hear her; her eyes said it all. Even if he couldn't hear her question or look into her swollen, tear-filled eyes, he would know perfectly well that she blamed him for his death. "Why, Frank? Why?" Maybe even more than she blamed God.
"If you can hold on to me for longer than five seconds, I'll let you pass," Ayrton said, exhaling smoke. He sat on one of the crates outside McLaren's garage, wearing sunglasses. The weather for the upcoming race looked exceptionally good, but Senna wouldn't mind rain.
"Are you challenging me?" the girl asked, squinting and looking at him against the light. They were sitting outside, where it was quieter, as the mechanics worked inside the garage.
"Why would I?" the man chuckled, taking another drag. Seeing her uncertainty, he offered her a cigarette, trying to reassure her with his gesture.
Y/N took the cigarette and inhaled the smoke, which tickled her throat, making her cough. She wrinkled her nose and after a moment handed him back the cigarette.
"Don't you want to test my braking skills and eliminate me from the race?"
Ayrton laughed and shook his head. "So, I do have a bad reputation after all."
"Definitely not the best," the girl said softly, smiling uncertainly. Ayrton playfully nudged the crate she was sitting on with his foot. He genuinely liked this girl; in fact, he could and wanted to work with her. Now he was even willing to let her win the race if she showed that she could keep up with him. She had demonstrated many times that she could drive at an exceptionally high level, so Senna was willing to show some humanity and let her achieve her first victory, especially on home turf. He stubbed out the cigarette and stood up, taking off his cap and placing it on her head, pulling it down over her eyes.
"Five seconds," he repeated, walking away as she adjusted the cap on her head.
The girl decided to take up the challenge, realizing that such an opportunity might never come again. Ayrton and collaboration? They were complete opposites after all. Y/N, who started the next day from the last place on the podium, managed to fight her way up to second place at the beginning of the race. She spent the next forty laps chasing after Ayrton, wondering if there was any point in chasing him if she couldn't overtake him. Seeing his familiar helmet in the side mirror, Ayrton smiled. He added a bit more throttle and began counting to five, but the girl's car didn't seem to be falling back. When the agreed time was up, much to everyone's disbelief, both on the track and in front of the TVs, Senna slowed down and obediently let her pass. Unable to believe her own eyes, the girl pressed the gas and took the lead, crossing the finish line with him.
She only believed in her victory when Ayrton offered her his hand and helped her onto the podium.
"Five seconds," he said, smiling at her.
"Five seconds," she replied, returning the smile.
How much she would give to see Ayrton again, even for five seconds. To be able to hug him for five seconds, see his smile. Five seconds now would last like an eternity, for which she would pay any price.
The church was filled with people, mostly family and friends, individuals directly connected to Ayrton. The remaining people were outside, surrounding the church, also gathering along the main road. There were talks of crowds, thousands who came to bid farewell to their hero. They too would give much to see Ayrton even for five seconds. Whole, alive, before the Imola accident.
Y/N held the helmet on her knees, looking at it with vacant eyes. She ran her fingers along the edges, tracing the stickers and sponsor names. She squeezed the soft padding inside. She closed her eyelids. Five seconds.
"Necessity is the mother of invention," Ayrton said, loud enough to make the girl jump. She was barefoot, wearing shorts and a bikini top, with his helmet on her head, visor down. She waved a piece of cardboard towards the grill, trying to ignite it better and not wanting the smoke to get in her eyes, deciding to use whatever she had at hand. And hoping Ayrton wouldn't get mad that she used his helmet for this.
The man smiled and shook his head, placing the wood he held in his hands next to the grill. Standing next to the girl, he lifted the visor and looked into her eyes. She looked at him apologetically.
"I'm sorry, I-"
"It suits you," Senna interrupted, smiling. "Possibly even more than me."
"Do you think so?"
The man nodded. His hair, damp from swimming in the lake, fell onto his forehead, and his brown eyes sparkled. Ayrton had been looking at Y/N like this for some time, in a way that many would describe as tender. Certainly, the girl wasn't just a teammate to him, as who would invite a teammate to their hometown to meet their closest family. Certainly not Ayrton.
"I love you, Y/N,"
He confessed as he lay on the jetty, gazing at the starry sky, where there was no trace of the hot Brazilian sun anymore.
The girl laughed and took a sip of beer, lying next to him and leaning on his arm. Both were drunk, so she was sure Ayrton was joking. However, when his confession was met with silence and he turned to look at her, his face was deadly serious.
"I mean it, Y/N. I love you,"
"You can't love me, you have a girlfriend," she replied, still laughing. There was no way he was serious.
Ayrton got up and without a word, kissed her, wanting to prove his words. When he pulled away after a moment, there was no smile on the girl's face. He was about to say something again, but she touched his cheek and returned the kiss, and he pulled her closer, holding her tightly in his arms. That night, they would find out how much they meant to each other.
Senna meant a lot to the girl, there was no doubt about it. He also meant unimaginable things to all those who took part in the funeral ceremonies, not only in Brazil itself but worldwide. It might have seemed like the world had lost an incredible man, someone who in life had already become a legend. Who would have thought that this living, almost mystical legend was just a man? A man who is mortal. Surely no one looked at Senna that way. Certainly not Frank Williams, who eventually decided to agree and accept Ayrton into his team, bearing an incredible burden now. Senna was supposed to lift his team to great heights, and his tragic death dealt a blow, not so much personal as it was business-related. However, at that moment, that mattered least.
Y/N and Ayrton sat at the kitchen table, eating a late dinner in silence. They were in their shared home in Europe, but for the past few months, the walls of the house seemed to be becoming more alien with each passing day. The atmosphere was as thick as it is now, when none of the people sitting at the table even bothered to steal a glance.
"Why didn't you tell me you wanted to go to Williams?"
The girl asked, stirring the contents of her plate with her fork. Ayrton tightened his grip on the glass and took a few sips from it.
"Ayrton-", "Why did I have to tell you?" he entered her words and looked at her, "Just to make you try to stop me?
Y/N blinked several times. She was shocked. She had the impression that the man sitting opposite was a complete stranger and someone she had never known before.
"To stop you? I'm your girlfriend, I should be the first to know about your plans, not hear from strangers."
"Did it change anything? Did something happen that you didn't find out from me?"
"Yes!" she shouted, slamming her hand on the table. She was so done with all of this. "I'm fed up with you treating me like an enemy for several weeks!"
"Don't you dare raise your voice at me!" he stood up, leaning over and pointing his finger at her. "You have no idea how much I had to do to get that offer, how much it cost me!"
"I have no idea, because you don't tell me anything!" she also stood up, pushing his hand away, which he was aiming at her face, "Fame has gone to your head, you're acting like a complete idi-" She didn't get to finish because Ayrton slapped her across the face. He didn't realize when his open hand met her cheek. Y/N grabbed her cheek and looked at him in shock. At the moment of the strike, he also seemed to snap out of it, as if he had been hit himself.
"Y/N, I'm sorry," he said calmly, trying to approach her, but she backed away a few steps, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that."
"But you did," she said with a trembling voice, tears welling up in her eyes, "I don't recognize you anymore, Ayrton".
As the funeral rites began, the last thing on Y/N's mind was their recent arguments, of which there had been plenty lately. Nonetheless, since the incident when he raised his hand to her, Senna understood he had crossed a line. The only upside of the whole situation was that they had started talking again, and Ayrton had come to realize that Y/N was not his enemy. Yes, on the track, the girl might be someone he now had to defeat even more than usual, but she was still his friend, his girlfriend, his partner. Speaking of partners, many women appeared at the funeral, but four of them spent exceptionally long periods by the coffin. They had a lot in common, yet none of them deigned to exchange glances. Each of Ayrton's partners, even today, on such a dramatic day, looked at her as if she were an enemy. Viviane made sure none of them sat on the bench where the family was seated. Y/N belonged to the family. She didn't intrude, Ayrton invited her himself.
"Maybe you should take a break?" Sid Watkins persistently tried to persuade Ayrton and Y/N to withdraw from the upcoming race. "Two weeks, you'll come back to Monaco in better shape, with lighter minds."
Senna sat on one of the crates behind the Williams garage, elbows resting on his knees. Y/N repeatedly wiped her tear-streaked cheeks, trembling hand holding a cigarette. An hour ago, the qualifying session for tomorrow's race was interrupted by Roland Ratzerberger's serious accident. The man was taken to the hospital, but many said he was taken from the track already dead.
"This shouldn't have happened, there shouldn't have been talk of such an accident," the girl repeated, almost hysterical. She was in tremendous shock, having witnessed the accident herself as she was the one who followed Ratzerberger's car.
"They need to cancel the race," Senna said dryly, his gaze fixed on a point in front of him. "We can't race here, not after something like this."
"And if they don't cancel?" Sid looked from Ayrton to Y/N. "Will you race in such a state? You won't sleep over this until tomorrow."
"If they don't cancel, we'll race for him. I'll drive the best I can to honor him with a victory," Ayrton decided, raising his gaze and looking the doctor in the eyes.
"You like fishing, right? Why don't you go back to Brazil, catch some fish, relax. If you want, I'll come with you, I could use it too."
Senna rubbed his face with his hands, intertwining his fingers and pressing them against his lips. Again, he fell silent. He knew they couldn't not race; he certainly couldn't afford to tell Frank after months of effort that he wouldn't start tomorrow. He couldn't do that.
"I don't want to race," Y/N admitted, shaking her head, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Ayrton, he, Roland-" the man rose without a word and hugged her tightly. He enveloped her in a strong embrace, stroking her hair. Watkins saw that Senna was thinking intensely. And no matter what he said or did to convince him to skip the race, he would do it his own way.
"Think about it, Ayrton. Just think about it," he said one last time. Senna looked him in the eyes and nodded in silence.
Late in the afternoon, Ayrton and Y/N returned to the hotel. They didn't talk much; Y/N occasionally wiped her eyes with a tissue. Ayrton held her hand a lot. When they lay in bed, Senna laid on her stomach, wrapping his arm around her waist. The girl began to run her fingers through his damp hair.
"I don't want to start tomorrow, Y/N," he said softly. He was facing away from her, she couldn't see that he was crying too. "I have a bad feeling."
"You know nobody can force you to do it," she said calmly, her other hand stroking his cheek. "Maybe Watkins is right? Let's fly to your parents, spend time with the kids. It's been two months since you've seen them."
"I can't," he said, wiping his face with his hand. "I can't, nobody needs a driver who doesn't race."
"Ayrtonâ" "Just hold me," he interrupted, sitting up. The girl obeyed his command, sitting between his legs and hugging him tightly. Both were silent; Y/N tenderly stroked his head and tense back.
"This will be my last season," he said, not moving an inch from her. "I've done enough; I don't need more. I want to focus on something else, on more important things."
"On what, my love?" she asked gently, still stroking his hair.
"I want to be a dad,"
Senna surprised her with this confession. The girl smiled.
"Would you like to have a son or a daughter?"
"A daughter, oh, how I'd love a daughter," he said, pulling away to look at her face. "Would you like to have a child with me? And become my wife?"
Y/N smiled and nodded. "You know I would."
Ayrton returned her smile and cupped her face in his hands, kissing her deeply.
"Te amo, querido,"
"I love you too, Ayrton. And i will always do."
"And i will always do," Y/N said qiuetly, watching as the coffin slowly descends into the ground. Nothing can destroy such love, certainly not death.
#f1 imagines#f1#f1 one shot#formula 1#f1 oneshots#f1 imagine#ayrton senna#ayrton senna x reader#ayrton senna x you#as12#classic f1
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Thoughts on Echo as amputee/disability representation
First and foremost, I am not disabled or an amputee and I donât claim to speak for those communities (and if I was I couldn't speak for everyone). What little I do know mostly comes from this youtube channel (@oakwyrm), this post, and other research Iâve done for my writing (and like one amputee I kinda knew in passing). By all means correct me and add to the conversation, I just have some thoughts I want to share because I havenât really seen this discussed anywhere
Overview
So Echo is interesting. He is a triple amputee which is pretty rare in media. His disabilities come from extremely traumatic circumstances: injured in a near-death experience, imprisoned and dehumanized as an experiment with no autonomy over what happened to his body.
There are a few moments in the shows where Echo is treated⊠questionably. Like this bit where Rex uses him as an example of the Separatists' evils to convince the locals to fight back:
To be fair, yeah Echoâs treatment does prove that the Techno Union is not neutral like they claim. The modifications that everyone is gasping in horror at here obviously werenât made with comfort and accessibility in mind, nor with Echoâs consent. But you still just want to be sure that âThey took away his freedom, his humanity, they tried to turn him into a machineâ is about using him as a living computer, not the fact that he is missing limbs.Â
The Batch is also pretty insensitive toward him and his trauma imo, which is weird considering they've supposedly also faced discrimination for their mutations
Disabled people do have to deal with stuff like this in this day and age so I guess it can speak to those experiences. I think especially him being mistaken as a droid (and Hunter going along with it (bruh)) might resonate with some people.Â
Aside from that stuff, Echo isn't really treated any differently as a character/person which is really good (as low of a bar as that is).
We get this moment in CW where Echo contemplates that yeah things are gonna be different now
While also (imo at least) showing that he is still the same person regardless, evidenced by the fact that he just echoed Rex :,) I also think it's significant that he joins the Bad Batch on his own terms and we're given a really emotional scene to specifically show that he's not just like 'lumped in with the other misfits' but that it is his choice to go where he feels his place is.
A lot of people, myself included, are disappointed that TBB didn't have more time to explore Echo's PTSD, but I think the one panic attack scene we did get is really good. Even thought it's minor it at least is an appropriate reaction from a guy who was medically tortured (which is more than I've come to expect from Star Wars shows lol)
And it's really sweet to see Omega showing Echo some empathy and consideration.
It would have been nice to see more of his adjustment period, and other side effects like chronic pain and maintenance, but thereâs a lot of daily life stuff the show never had time for (i.e. we donât know if he removed his prosthetics to sleep, but we also never saw him sleep anyway). His disabilities might take on a background role (much like the character himself sadly) but for the most part they arenât invisible or erased, nor do they define his character and arc.
Physical Appearance
Okay this one is bit dicey, bc on the one hand, yes complaints that Echoâs paleness (most likely caused by burns from the explosion or chemical burns from the cryo-chamber) is whitewashing are totally valid. But I also think you can draw comparisons to real life conditions that affect pigmentation/complexion (like you know burns). So while I understand why a lot of fanart will depict him with his original skin tone and with hair, consider that there are real people who have to live with temporary or permanent changes to their appearance, and the idea of âfixing" him by making him look more like his old self can be problematic.
It's also interesting to note that Echo could act as a reversal of the 'disabled/disfigured = evil' trope. He's pale and bald and wears black and red, which is so often visually associated with villains, but we all know Echo is the bestest boyâą
The Headpiece
Echoâs headpiece is interesting because within the show we donât actually ever learn much about it (idk if there is more info in books or whatever bc i donât have them so?). He didnât have it in CW so we know it didnât come from the Techno Union and therefore Echo probably had more choice with it. We donât know its exact purpose but itâs most likely related to his scomping abilities. When he is hacking with his scomp in CW, before he has his headpiece, itâs clearly very mentally straining:
We donât see him struggling like this in TBB once he does have it (though that could be bc he got more used to it over time). There doesn't seem to be much of an impact when he removes his headpiece in s3 ep14-15, except that he gets stuck in the ports every time he uses his scomp which is not something weâve seen before:Â
There might not be an exact real-world equivalent, but the headpiece is some kind of accessibility aid. It means that someone specifically designed a device to help him adapt to the changes the Techno Union made, as well as a helmet that integrates it. Itâs removable and visually very present, much like a cochlear implant would be. (A lot of people actually headcanon it to act partially as a hearing aid, since it makes sense that Echoâs hearing would have been damaged in the explosion, but there isn't really any indication of this in canon.) The headpiece is never really acknowledged in the show, but I think that's a good thing. It's something he needs/wants and it just exists, completely normalized, and that's pretty cool đ
Legs
Sigh... So from the very first episode of TBB I was really disappointed that the animation team or whoever completely visually erased Echoâs prosthetic legs (I think we all were, honestly, if fanart is anything to go by). Itâs one thing when heâs in armor because he would probably want to protect his prosthetics, but we literally see him in his blacks and there is no indication whatsoever that he lost his legs even though it was not left up for debate at all in CW:
Like ??????!?
This is just really strange to me! Idk what went on behind the scenes with this decision but I donât really see why it would be that much harder to animate or anything since itâs 3D and they've done it before. We do see some pretty sophisticated cybernetic technology in Star Wars canon that mimics real limbs:
But Lukeâs fancy hand is technically 20ish years from now, so Anakin and Maul are more of a representation of what level we could expect here
So yeah, for no apparent reason, his leg amputation is effectively, visually and narratively nonexistent. Which is not great đ
Arm!
The scomp on the other hand (uh lol!) is the complete opposite and I kinda love it!
At first I, like many others, thought it was a bit odd that they didnât give Echo a prosthetic arm. Losing hands is basically a Star Wars tradition at this point, so robotic arms/hands are well established within the worldbuilding:Â
We arenât necessarily given a canon reason for why Echo doesn't get a cybernetic arm (again unless it's in some lore book I havenât read, sorry). General fanon explanations Iâve seen are that he either couldnât because the Techno Union wired the scomp too far into his nervous system, and/or the resources to give him one were deemed too expensive for a clone (what about his legs tho?), or that he chose not to, usually because he thought the scomping was useful.Â
Regardless, I actually really love this choice (and it's the whole reason I made this post), because here's the thing: Thereâs a lot of problematic tropes out there that either erase/cure disabilities or compensate them with perks (like how pretty much any blind character is actually not blind by some sort of magic power). With amputees that is done with robotic arms. The character is still an amputee or course, and there is still value in that representation, if this story from Mark Hamill that makes me tear up is anything to go by:
but for the most part these characters function like anyone else, just with a limb that looks a little different. Itâs no more than a video game skin, an able-bodied actor with a green screen glove. It âcuresâ the disability, or it actually makes the character even stronger than usual:Â
It usually makes sense within the world of the story, but the reason itâs not so great in my opinion is that in the real world we just do not have technology anywhere close to that yet. Prosthetics can more or less replace any mobility from lost legs, but not for all the complexities of a hand (and even if they could the average person wouldnât be able to afford it).
So
I think it's actually really super cool that Echoâs scomp bypasses the canonically-established amputee erasure and functions much like a stump would irl. He integrates it into his movements and everyday life and itâs (as far as I know) a lot closer to an everyday amputeeâs experience.Â
It doesnât define his character, it doesnât hold him back, he lives a full life, the otherâs donât treat him any differently, and heâs still a total karking badassÂ
The only additional thing is that he sometimes uses it as a weapon (which given his story, I think itâs cool to see him taking back autonomy in a way, and we only see that like twice)
And also the scomping, which could be seen as the 'added/compensating superpower' trope. But narratively it's no different than if he was plugging in with a hacking gadget of some kind (he didn't necessarily "need" to lose his arm for it) and itâs not like Echo is completely defined by this skill. Personally, I think it's well worth the positives of him actually having a visible and realistically impactful amputation.Â
I see a lot of posts or comments out there that say stuff like âhow come Echo doesnât get a hand?â or fanworks that do give him one and I just think itâs a bit of a shame. If he did get a robotic hand, it just would have disappeared the same way his legs and Anakinâs arm did (aside from that one time he got yoinked by a magnet). When Echo did âget a handâ in the last two episodes there were comments like âyay he finally got a hand! but it doesnât even workâ but I was actually so relieved that it didnât! Bc for one thing that wouldnât make any sense, he grabbed it off a droid, it wasnât designed to implement with his scomp, that would be really complicated. But more importantly because it again refused to erase/cure his disability! It functioned like a real-world cosmetic prosthetic (useless beyond appearance) which is exactly what he needed it for, so that he could blend in better with his disguise.
And he continually took it off throughout the episode and ditched it at the end. He only used it for the necessity of a stealth mission, he doesnât feel the need to visually âfit inâ in his daily life.Â
And, last but very much not least, he made a dad joke and from my intel that is very accurate representation!
TLDR: Echoâs scomp is actually really cool from an amputee representation perspective, especially within Star Wars, and I think that deserves some appreciationÂ
#man i just love him so much!#this post ended up ten times longer than i was expecting lol#its so strange to me that the same team that completely noped his prosthetic legs also gave us such good arm amputee represention#like whats up with that?#echo's scomp appreciation#also so glad those weird mod arm attachment things from the action figures never happened#representation matters#disabled lives are worth living#disability representation#amputee#disability tropes#robotic limbs#ableism#star wars#clone wars#the bad batch#sw tcw#arc trooper echo#tbb echo#tbb season 3#unwhitewashtbb#long post#accidental essay#analysis#thoughts#imo#rant#character analysis#writing disabled characters#writing
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Okay so a few things about the ending to the DLC. Spoilers below obviously
-Really REALLY disappointed they didnât go with the whole toxic possession arc thing with Kieran and the new mythical (Pecharunt?) TO BE FAIR that was more of a fan theory than anything but it was one that made a lot of sense and had a lot of evidence to back it up. I guess I got too attached to the idea and was inevitably let down when the game didnât go in that direction. Still it would have made more sense to give that extra edge as to why Kieranâs treating everyone so awfully,, and having him finally break free of that control during the final fight VS Terapagos would have been SO sick. Either that or before we even get to Terapagos Carmine calls Kieran out and thatâs when he finally fucking explodes and rages and vents about his inferiority complexâand THAT is what summons Pecharunt, those negative feelings that it probably feeds off of or smth idk. Then weâd get a split second of Kieran finally being back in control and begging for help. And then Carmine realizing her brother has been under the influence of this Pokemon the entire time and. Okay Iâm getting off track into AU territory now lmao sorry moving on
-Switching back to the Terapagos fight, I really enjoyed it! It wasnât too long of a fight to be drawn out, but it was just long enough that it didnât feel anticlimactic (also the MUSIC? STELLAR. Pun intended). ALSO ARGHFHH the five stages of grief Kieran goes through in that fight to finally accepting that heâs been going about this the wrong way and has been an awful friend and the way the LIGHT COMES BACK INTO HIS EYES I ALMOST CRIED. This is 10000x more emotional and powerful if you choose to bring Ogerpon with you and fight with her bc that really just. Hammers in the fact that despite all the bad blood and bitterness, Kieran still chooses to fight alongside you and the Pokemon he coveted so muchâŠAND he even processes things enough to fully let go of all his hatred and anger and allows you to catch Terapagos because he KNOWS youâll take good care of it and after all this time he still trusts you even though heâd probably hate to admit it. #GOOD WRITING
-Something really scary I realized. Kieran brought a Master Ball with him to catch Terapagos. 1. Where did homie even get that. 2. The fact that he was READY and didnât even give Terapagos a chance to react, that he was essentially catching it against its will (which probably led to its power going out of control), that he was enforcing his own twisted desires and beliefs onto it and not considering its feelings (sound familiar? Looks at Ogerpon). BOY. 3. Weâve only ever seen ONE other person use Master Balls in SV. The AI Professor. I donât know if this is significant in any way but if the Pecharunt theory WAS true that would make them so so similar and thatâs eerie to me. Two characters controlled by something greater than them that they canât fightâŠcan you imagine how INSANE the dynamics would be listen to me
-Another thing I was kinda disappointed about was Briar? I guess I was just picking up on the vibes that she was actually a villain and would try to steal Terapagos from the player, but I probably gave Nintendo too much credit on that one lol. I do like that sheâs not inherently evil, sheâs just too absorbed and obsessed with her research to really pay attention to whatâs going on around her. BUT. They should have pushed that WAY further. Either commit and do the full villain arc where she snatches Terapagos from Kieran right after he catches it to use it for her own purposes, or pressure him into Terastallizing it so much that it makes him uncomfortable. I want to see Lusamine levels of unhinged obsession. What she had was just a little bit too excited about Area Zero, not a full blown unhealthy and dangerous thing that puts everyone around her in danger.
-Following up on that. Drayton. I kept expecting him to also go villain arc IDK LOL I guess I want everyone to be gay do crime in this DLC đ But I seriously kept thinking he was just using the player to knock Kieran off his throne so he could take it right back from us. But no he actually genuinely cared about Kieran and kept pressuring us to beat the Elite Four so WE could knock some sense into him since Drayton wasnât strong enough to do it himself. Which is a very sweet sentiment, I think :â) But am I the only one who was like bro calm down right after the fight where he was getting up in Kieranâs face and calling him ex-championâŠ..either heâs way too honest and doesnât realize he was being cruel OR he was doing it on purpose to be a silly goober (but everyone else was like DUDE. LOW blow.)
-I still have questions. HELLO. HELLO. The notes in Area Zero mentioned the professor meeting a child with a white(?) book? Is that the Scarlet/Violet book? We still donât know how the whole time travel paradox happened and why Heath talked about meeting Paradox Pokemon DECADES before the professor even brought them to Area Zero through the time machine? What is with the weird ass crystal tree sitting in the middle of a lake in the depths? Is there any significance to the Crystal Pool in Kitakami being connected to terastallizing and Area Zero? IâM JUST. AGHHH. Iâm fairly certain weâre getting more content, maybe an epilogue to the DLCs but Iâm going CRAZY I NEED TO KNOW NOWWW
-Also isnât Area Zero like. Top secret hush hush. Why did Geeta let Briar publish a whole ass book about the HIDDEN SECRET of Area Zero that was miles under a closed off SECRET lab. I thought they were denying Briar access to Area Zero for YEARS, probably because they didnât want her blabbing to the public. Idk. Maybe my memory is fuzzy on that one. Just feels very contradictory fhhdd
-The small little subtleties of Kieran regaining his regular personality as we went downâŠ.I ADORED that. His little smiles and him unable to contain his childish excitement and Carmine smiling at him with a knowing look bc after all this time her brother is FINALLY acting more like himself. And Kieran trying to brush it off like âwh-whateverâ like heâs some sort of edgy teenager pretending he doesnât care. GAHHHH it was so cute I wanted to cry đ
ALL IN ALL it didnât QUITE meet my expectations but it was still really good, especially considering this was all DLC content. Nothing will ever EVER top the main story of SV but the entirety of TTM and TID came pretty darn close. Kieran my sweet baby boy my blorbo Iâm so glad you got your redemption arc and that you finally came to terms with your perception of strength and how it affects others. Baller DLC Nintendo do it again đ
#Pokemon#Pokemon Scarlet and Violet#Pokemon SV#The Indigo Disk#Indigo Disk spoilers#Pokemon SV DLC#Pokemon Kieran#Kieran#Pokemon Briar#Pokemon Drayton#The Indigo Disk spoilers#Pecharunt#Long post#Shima speaks#Well there is always fanfiction. LOL
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The Wayhaven Chronicles - Update 26/Jan/2024
I did something this week I donât normally do: I rewrote Adam/Avaâs scene as I was writing it.
Normally, when I do rewrites, I will keep going with the scene Iâm on and then decide afterwards. Itâs surprising how things change once the whole scene is written! But something just wasnât quite right with how I wanted their opening to be.
It didnât match with the âvibeâ I wanted for the love interest openings.
Book Four starts out with quite the punch, which I always love doing with getting straight into some action and drama, hehe! :D
But unlike Book Three where it continued on with drama for a bit, I wanted to slow things down. Have a chance to spend some time with the love interest properly, especially as Book Four is pretty darn intense!
And Aâs just felt tooâŠdrama, lol!
Obviously, this is Aâs scene, so some drama and angst is always expected, but their romance might not be what people expect in Book Four considering the ending to it in Book Three.
Aâs romance is the most emotional rollercoaster romance of the lot. Up and down, down and up! And there may just be more up in this book than downâŠbefore the plummet that may just come in the oft-talked about major angsty painful Book Five, hehe! ;D
So yeah, it just wasnât working, so I made the decision to scrap it and redo it long before I would normally. And it was SO the right decision! Now things are flowing waaaay better, and it feels more like how the others scenes will with the love interests.
Sometimes, you have to take the pain of deleting a whole bunch just to make it shine brighterâŠsomething I know but that always makes me wince as a creator, especially after days of working on scenes!
Hope you all the most amazing weekend! Weâll be offline as usual, so Iâll update you all again next Friday! <3
#the wayhaven chronicles#interactive fiction#romance#personal#update#hosted games#choice of games#choice script#twc book 4#the wayhaven chronicles book 4
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THE GRAPE DEPRESSION
Once again the boys at Shoot From The Hip have created another masterpiece.
Not for the first time, Tom Mayo steals the show as yet another sweet and endangered child, frail of limb but innocent and good at hugs
The Don Vincenzio (AJ keeps making up foreign names and the others keep getting them wrong lol, see The Phantom Begruvia) may or may not be connected to the Sicilian Mafia. We know he has enemies, because they kidnapped his son once upon a time
The Don missing his own son and wanting another "my heart is starving" and being heartless until he gets his son back
Maria being an interesting counterpoint to this because she is also willing to go to great lengths for the sake of protecting her family (and getting back to how things were before; both she and the Don want to go back to their own happy family past)
AJ seemed to be having a lot of fun playing the Messed-Up Wooden Boy Thing, so that's nice for him
Geppetto being a father desperate to save his children made me feel Emotions...especially when he offered to give up his soul rather than kill Pinocchio...when he cried over Pinocchio's wooden remains...
Tom making his dying outstretched hand turn to a little wooden treelike thing was a nice touch. I expected nothing less of my beloved. Not to mention the bit where he came back from the dead and said "I have Seen the Great Beyond!! A great beast waits in the dark for us all!! :)" Lovecraftian but without the racism. All hail our unproblematic king.
That last spooky bit, working with all the other Spooky Bits, the inhuman wooden man-boy, the sister willing to murder to keep her family alive, the Don threatening his tenants unless they give him a son, and yet the Spookiness is balanced by Love; they work together like apples and caramel. A perfect story for this autumn time of year.
All my favorite SFTH plays balance humor with serious Dramatic Feelings. I think the Grief and Love and Drama make the humor more meaningful and more unexpected. The guys aren't afraid to make the characters genuinely care about each other. (And honestly the stories they come up with are Pretty Darn Good even when you ignore the humor part. Funny how people make better stories when they're not trying to fit the standards of What's Marketable or What's Clever and Cool.)
In conclusion, your honor, I love Tom so much
#the grape depression#sfth#tom mayo#sam russell#luke manning#alexander jeremy#pinocchio#don vincenzio#improv comedy#sfth longform#american spelling
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Slashers I think would make great ace partners.
I made this purely for my ace friends and followers. You don't have to agree with anything I say. This was made based on my own opinions and speculation. Like I said, you don't have to read this or agree with anything I say. These were also based on my own interpretations of the killers- aka- emotional support slashers.
1). Albert Wesker
I feel like a lot of people might disagree with me on this one, but I actually believe that Albert would gladly accept an ace partner. Albert has a high standard for people, especially partners. He puts personality value and skill value above all else. He looks for someone who is smart, talented, trustworthy, dependable and loyal. He wants someone who isn't too physically needy and can hold their own while he's gone on long trips. If he can have a partner who meets those needs, then I think he'd probably care less about sexual gratification. He would probably love to tease, pamper and spoil his partner as well for he just loves showing off how good he is at taking care of his loved one.
2). Michael Myers
It goes without saying that Michael probably despises sex or has no idea what sex actually is. If Michael were to find a partner, I think he'd choose a partner who is interesting, emotional and has certain needs. Michael is a protector; he likes guarding his loved one and providing them with care. He finds pride in the service he provides them, especially if it makes them feel happy, comfortable and safe. I do think Michael would like to hold and/or cuddle his partner, but not much more than that. Sex isn't even a part of his vocabulary. He loves his partner no matter who they are.
3). Jason Voorhees (the ultimate baby boy!)
The ultimate sexual pleasure destroyer here who kills every naked person in literally every movie, lol. Jason is a person who needs love, acceptance and reassurance, so he seeks out a partner who is kind, modest and pure. Jason is number one when it comes to putting personality value first. He could care less what his partner looks like, just as long as they are empathetic, accepting, trustworthy, loyal and compassionate. He also probably does love hugs, cuddles and soft, platonic touches because it makes him feel good, but sex is a no no. Jason is extremely caring too, so if his partner has needs, he will glady take care of them. He is a protector.
4). Pinhead/Elliot Spencer (baby boy number 2!)
I believe, due to his power, Elliot can feel the pleasure and determine the worth of a person without even touching them. Physical/sexual gratification isn't exactly something he needs to be able to feel what his partner is feeling. Elliot has a significant attraction towards those who are strong, passionate and determined. The worth of his partner is determined by their aspirations and outlooks on life. He loves to feel their emotions through the bond that they share because it's more meaningful and important to him. I think Elliot would also be pretty obedient and considerate, putting the needs of his partner first. You wanna cuddle? Then let's cuddle. You want space? Then you have your space, he understands.
5). Pyramid Head/The Executioner
I believe that Pyramid baby here is a special case because I don't think he has a "type". I believe he discovers love at first sight- like a soulmate thing. Doesn't matter what the person looks like or anything else. When he can feel that his potential partner is true to him despite whatever flaws they may have, he will instantly submit himself and live up to their expectations. If they prefer not to have sex, then that is perfectly fine. Just as long as this incredible person will stay with him, show him the world and share all kinds of meaningful experiences with him, then he will be infinitely grateful.
6). Jeffrey Hawk/Kenneth Chase (baby boy number 3!)
Jeffrey Hawk is a classical Kentucky tease (psst, I literally have no idea if he's from Kentucky. I just made it up, hehehe). Jeffrey does not define his partner's worth based on anything other than personality. Appearance doesn't matter, financial stance doesn't matter. Just as long as his partner is honest, loyal, caring and fun, then he will love them till the cows come home. His favorite things to do with his partner are cracking jokes, teasing, doing magic tricks, eating and exploring. He loves the attention and having his partner with him. Their smile and laugh is the very heart of his day. When it comes to sexual intimacy, he doesn't really care.
7). Ji-woon Hak
Some people might not agree with me on this one either, but whatever. I believe that Ji-woon would be a bit like Pyramid Head and view his partner as his soul mate. To him, they are the most precious, most beautiful and the most important jewel to him and he would do anything for them. Including giving up sex. There are other ways to enjoy time like teaching his partner how to play instruments or taking them on tour. Just as long as you're having fun, that's all that matters to him. He also loves attention and showing his partner off to the world. "Ha, jealous much? Look at my beautiful partner that you don't have!"
8). Carmina Mora
Carmina has been through a lot in life. She takes loss very seriously and will do anything to keep those closest to her safe. She also has insecurities and emotional issues, so risking bad behavior that would result in losing her partner is too great a risk. If she could find someone who was understanding, gentle and kind, and could accept her despite all her bad mistakes, I think she would be ever grateful to that person. I see Carmina as being more demi; needing that strong, emotional connection before ever doing anything intimate with her partner if that's what her partner wants. She's very loyal and caring, and will love her partner no matter what.
Fellow mentions I couldn't decide on (tell me what you think): Evan MacMillan, Bubba Sawyer, Bo Sinclair, Max Thompson, and Rin Yamaoka.
#dead by daylight fanfiction#slasher fanfiction#albert wesker x reader#michael myers x reader#jason voorhees x reader#pinhead x reader#pyramid head x reader#jeffrey hawk x reader#ji woon hak x reader#Carmina Mora x reader#emotional support slashers#asexual reader#aroace reader#Demisexual reader#ace spec#non binary reader#bo sinclair#evan macmillan#max thompson jr#rin yamaoka#bubba sawyer#personal post#asexual
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Astro Observations No. 21
*just based off of my personal experiences, only take what resonates
-Capricorn Moon/Moon conjunct/opposition/square Saturn could point to parents trying to control the native for financial gain
-Asc square mars can make the native appear intimidating and aggressive
-I feel like Virgo placements tend to have a lot of secret admirers⊠and I donât have a why lol just a gut feeling (maybe itâs because of how they always seem on top of things, but this can make them kinda unapproachable for some people ? Idk)
-Are Sagittarius placements (especially in the big 6) usually late to appointments and dates or is it just meâŠ
-Mercury square/opposition Jupiter could point to a lot of people thinking you never say enough/always say too much in convertation
-Venus square/opposition to Saturn may point to a lot of unrequited love interests, especially before the native is 25
-Is anything more double Capricorn (sun & moon) than both of your parents being cold, distant, and disappointing lol :0 (yeah Iâm fine lol)
-Sagittarius placements make a joke out of everything lol, thatâs why gen z jokes about death and depression so much lol Pluto in sag bby
-Aquarius can show where you tend to want really unique things (7th could want a really stand out partner to settle down with, 4th could aspire to have unique families dynamics, 11th could point to wanting unique friends, etc)
-My ex had Aquarius in 6th and he always wanted a unique looking pet lol (Every time he saw a hairless cat or a dog with 3 legs he was like letâs adopt them lol) -also totally didnât expect it for a Virgo rising lol
-Your planets in 12th can show where things become murky and unclear (Mercury in 12th you make have trouble hearing and understanding the words people are saying, Mars in 12th you may have trouble understanding your anger/perceiving your intimate compatibility with people, Moon in 12th you may have difficulty with naming your emotions and understanding them and trouble knowing what youâre sensitive to, Venus in 12th could mean that you tend to unknowingly catch crushes and people have unrequited crushes on you, Sun in 12th really impacts your sense of self and how you perceive yourself.)
-Cancer placements in guys manifest as either their motherâs opinion meaning everything or like less than nothing I noticed (especially in dating, a cancer Venus/mars will either fall for someone because theyâre just like their mother or bc theyâre the complete opposite of their mother. Itâs never accidental lol)
-Libra MC may be an advocate for social justice and could use any attention on them to further push these causes (turns out Malcolm X was a Libra MC, which is interesting bc he was so big on like standing up for the community and returning violence with justice).
-Another civil rights leader placement I noticed? Moon conjunct Venus (Martin Luther King Jr & Fred Hampton both had this, in water signs I think) which imo points to being emotionally invested in harmony and harmonious relationships.
- They also both had Taurus north node which made them empathetic and determined to be committed to advocating for peace but the Scorpio south node obviously made people (especially people in power) very vengeful towards them
#astro observations#astro notes#astroblr#astro community#astrology#capricorn#sagittarius#saturn#ascendant#venus square mars#Aquarius#cancer#Libra#moon conjunct venus
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I appreciate how you write Astarion so, SO much. I feel like way too many fic writers infantilize him to a point where I honestly start wondering if I'm the one who misinterpreted him so badly.
I'd love to know more about what you think of his character and his arc. Personally I saw him and immediately went "oh god this guy is gonna be the irritating tumblr sexyman of the yearđ" and it took me until Araj basically to warm up to him. What were your initial thoughts and did they change much while playing the game?
OH thank you so much!!! That's a shame if it's the case, and a little surprising to me, to be honest! While he's definitely written be an aloof jerk a lot of the time, I always found him to be surprisingly mature and introspective whenever he's not dishing out witty remarks. He comes off to me as the kind of person who learned to benefit from seeming dumber than he actually is, overall.
HAHA I had a VERY similar experience, not just towards Astarion but all the characters, really (I really disliked Shadowheart at the beginning, too). I had only seen pictures of him and pretty much expected a vapid character that was being carried to stardom because of a talented VA - and because people go nuts for anne rice style vampires lol.
While I was definitely enjoying his voice lines from the start (Again kudos to Neil) I definitely wasn't expecting much else. He piqued my interest after so devastatingly turning my character down at the tiefling party without me even having inquired, and that's when I, the gamer, was like "well, alright, I GOTTA fuck this guy now" (this is also where DU drow's personality began to come out as you can probably guess)
Obviously, if you have two neurons to rub together you can gather pretty quickly that he's not trying to woo you because you're so interesting and wonderful, so I started getting curious! With that dynamic being so different from what you usually expect of romances in these types of games, plus the charming way in which he is written, I started being won over.
I think what really did it was how gradually his attitude changed when responding to new, mostly trivial dialogue options and doing his greetings as you earned his trust, and ESPECIALLY with how he responds to your tav when you express any kind of fear or insecurity during his romance - which was with a lot of sincerity and confidence in his resolve to support you, and in you as a person, a complete 180 from his usual front - Which, again, makes me all the more surprised to hear that he's often painted with such an immature brush.
And obviously he has a DEEPLY ugly side to him (if you've read ANE, hopefully it's clear that I know this, and that I like to explore it just as much as anything else lmao) but it's very interesting to me how it seem to always come in the form of outbursts, rather than a constant evil-streak, usually followed by a glimpse of self-awareness. It feels very much in line with someone who's actually making a great deal of effort to manage their RAMPANT emotions and going through a lot of internal conflict in the process.
GAH. Yeah if you can't tell by this friggin' thesis I just wrote, I love the way they wrote this character a lot and I was definitely proven PROFOUNDLY wrong in my first impression of him - which, if that's not irony at it's finest I don't know what is.
And as an aside! I also very much appreciate that he's a "queer" coded character who's effeminate (in the Old Homo kind of way, but I digress) and flamboyant, but taken Dead Fucking Seriously. With as much progress as we've made in LGBT rep in media, I still often feel like gay men will only get that kind of treatment for as long as they "Aren't That Gay" (I know Astarion doesn't have a set sexuality - But lets not mince words: stereotypes exist, and he fits into most of them) and as a thin-wristed gay guy who's a little too found of linen shirts, I can honestly say that experiencing a character like that helped me with my own confidence.
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lesbian movies I've seen so far (review based on my tastes)
I'm going to give my opinion of the lesbian movies I've seen so far and I'm going to give them a score from 1 to 5 stars :3 it may contain some spoilers
Bound(1996)
For the year this movie was made, I was actually surprised by the END of it(fuck the obsession with killing the protagonist). I didnât really have much faith in it by how it stars, but man, I was so surprised, I loved it, be gay do crime. â
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Gia(1998)
God, this movie is my new roman empire, I didnât know about Giaâs story, but the ending of the movie DESTROYED ME. the scene where shes talking with Linda and she says: now we have all the time in the world, I was so moved by it, I loved it. Itâs currently one of my favorite movies.â
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Lost and delirious(2001)
ugh shakespearean shit, this movie touches more than one of us when it comes to the experience of liking girls. I liked it but I felt like there was a lot of wasted potential that couldâve made it great, tbh i just wanted Paulie to be happy; the fact the Piper Perabo is in it helps the score too. â
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D.E.B.S.(2004)
ITS THE BEST FUCKING MOVIE IN THE WORLD, GOD. I actually hated this movie before watching it âcause I thought it was some dumb comedy, but god, when I gave it a chance it BLEW ME AWAY. If you want to see some lesbian spies enemies to lovers shit watch debs. â
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My summer of love(2004)
Personally, I HATED this movie kjj, I didnât really get ANYTHING at all, like it felt like everything was just too rushed??? like when did they even fall in love lol? Gets points just for Emily Blunt. â
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Imagine me & you(2005)
Piper Perabo again and Lena Heady THE WOMAN. This movie is ART, my fav movie, itâs beautiful, comfort movie af. The true donât let your husband keep you from meeting your future wife. â
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Loving Annabelle(2006)
This movie was made for all of us who once liked a teacher or profesor. I liked it quite a lot, but I feel like seize itâs true potential. Personally, I choose to think that the alternative ending itâs the true one lol. â
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Bloomington(2010)
Again for us that like fantasizing about our teachers. I like this movie but again, I feel like they didnât really make the most of it jskdja annoying af bitching about the same but yeah, it bothered me. Anyway, i liked the movie, and I didnât like the ending at all,I felt bad for the poor teacher :c. â
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A perfect ending(2012)
I know a lot of people hate this movie and think itâs shit, but I personally love it lol. Idk I remember that when I watched it it got me super emotional and i liked it a lot, dont care what anyone says to me itâs a good movie. â
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The girl king(2015)
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Didnât like it at all, boring af, i didnât really get it, idk, i was expecting more. â
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First girl i loved(2016)
Im fond of this movie, it was one of the first ones I saw, the ending just made a me a bit frustrated, but I liked it, Brianna Hildebrand with a wig funny as hell. â
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Disobedience(2017)
Rachel Weisz and McAdams DAMN. Great movie, I liked it in all aspects. Although the ending wasnât what I expected I still liked it. â
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Tell it to the bees(2018)
Mmm I think this movie is kinda meh, like itâs okay but I feel like it lacks something for me to like it, tho I didnât get the ending, like I donât understand the decisions each one took. â
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Ammonite(2020)
Kate Winslet and Saoirse Ronan!!!! I liked it but I didnât love it, I never got to understand if Mary hated or loved Charlotte. The ending got me frustrated!!! â
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Crush(2022)
The kind of movie you gotta watch after Gia, I liked it I thought it was silly, like very much teenage romcom sort of shit, like the Kissing Booth but for lesbians. â
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You can live forever(2022)
I think this is a great movie, interesting story, I wasnât expecting the whole ending sequence, what Marike says to Jamie destroyed me, in my head theyre the young version of the Disobedience ones. â
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Booksmart(2019)
GREAT MOVIE, very entertaining and funny, I liked it quite a lot, itâs perfect to watch it with friends. Gigi is just like me fr best character ever. â
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#wlw#sapphic#lesbianism#movies#wlw movies#lgbtq community#lgbtq#queer#queer community#lesbian#woman#booksmart#bound#gia#rachel weisz#rachel mcadams#saoirse ronan#kate winslet#piper perabo#rowan blanchard#angelina jolie#debs 2004
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