#this isnt happy. not in the slightest.

[fearforthestorm]

i'm having a weird day and a lot of weird feelings about church stuff (read: being raised mormon and leaving and watching everyone I care about stay) so i'm gonna talk about it a little bit under the cut ↓

i'm in my 20s. my immediate younger sister (who was probably the one I was the closest to) turns 19 in september. she's leaving for her mission at the end of october. one of her friends, who was one of my closest friends at church because the two of us were the only queer people in young womens, had her farewell talk last sunday and is having an open house tonight before she leaves.

it's going to be a year and a half before I see my friend again and I'm scared to death that the person who comes back won't be the same person I cared about. I'm scared that the person she is after that and the person I'll be after that won't have anything to share anymore. and it's even more terrifying to think about that with my sister. there's already so much distance between us but I love her and I want her to have a place in my life no matter what our differences are. I just don't know if I can pretend hard enough for it to bridge that distance.

I don't think I'm ever going to be the kind of exmo who tries to send people "proof" that their church is false and evil. that's cruel, and it provably doesn't work, and quite honestly, leaving the church hurts really bad and I don't want the people I care about to have go through the utter fucking devastation and loss that is a faithbreak. but staying doesn't hurt less. staying means continuing to comply with and believe in cruel and bigoted values and contribute to a culture of sameness. staying means denying queer people and people of color and disabled people the right to exist without assimilation, denying the validity of cultures and traditions that dare to exist outside of the white christian american way of life.

it's scary. it's scary and painful and I know I have said before that the only thing harder than leaving is watching the people who you love stay. you can't drag them out and you can't go back. you just have to pretend hard enough to bridge the gap until it stretches too far. and either you lose them or they lose everything. there is no win condition. there is no happy ending. no eternal glory, no taking back the hurt and the anger and the grief. i wish to god (the god I don't believe in, the god whose name is pencilled across everything broken in my life) that there was.

[feintenstein]

What if everything was good and they were happy,, ook?

[that-seems-stupid-lets-do-it]

amiau

because i got her.. she is real and this thing has cat ears !! also why not. im able to draw anything i want

[razberrypuck]

I NEED everyone to understand that gangle's masks don't control her emotions. I need everyone to understand that she is literally masking her emotions and not having her comedy mask only limits her ability to do so. she's seemingly capable of feeling and expressing happiness without her comedy mask -- just like every other emotion -- she's just. not a very happy person.

[rosekasa]

there is something so. intensely frustrating about feeling incapable of showing up for people the way that they want you to

[socksandbuttons]

all the other dimensions with evil lunar, lord lunar, lord eclipse-

to unpack that all and with what we have right now.

the brain is turning

[dreamwinged]

every single day i have at least one episode of remembering something i don’t want to remember at all and it’s just like hhhhh. more exhausting and upsetting than i have words to express. either trying to hold myself together in a public place or trying to shut it all out when i’m at home……. it’s just the worst either way

[novadreii]

We were raised on cocktails of Disney movies that brainwashed us into believing our lives were not complete without our white knight coming to save us from a miserable, cat‐filled future as a solitary childless hag. That we could never hope to be happy unless we were worthy enough to be chosen by one of them. So it makes sense that these women cling to disgusting, vile practically dickless excuses for human beings who don't even make them happy. It's the thickest smokescreen in the world, but once a woman chooses to or is forced to disperse it, she will spend the rest of her life trying to understand why she was willing to settle for so fucking little, and barely recognizing that past version of herself.

[emrys-rusts]

Gosh I wish I could just move out for my own health's sake.

[hecksupremechips]

Hypothetically should I play p3 reload with the femc mod like does anyone know if it’s good? It certainly LOOKS good but I wanna know if it’s essentially just portable with good visuals or if it’s reload but with kotone instead cuz if it’s the latter I am not interested

[menlove]

blorbo.... smol bean...... it has the same energy. i won't be expanding

[mo-ok]

the fucking konjac

[boomingsmile]

who gave sharp the audacity to be so kind, loving, sweetest person. D:< no amount of words i can put up will ever be able to contain the vibe he has; i desperately need a drink with him and i dont even drink and he doesn't even exist!

[knightzp]

LEOOOOOO 🥺🥺🥺

[starlight-storytime]

Shinso: *is an edgy outcast with a purple color scheme and a nice voice*

Danny, who may or may not have a type: *catches feels*

I have decided that Danny has the Lichtenberg figure, one because I love that concept and two chronic pain buddies!?

Deku then interrogates him on his ‘quirk’ and Danny ends up realizing he really knows nothing about what his powers are and stuff and the two work together to figure it out

[thelov3lybookworm]

My World

Day 1: Cool quiet.

Summary: Y/n's in labour. Azriel needs to stay calm.

•○●⛦●○•

Word Count: 805

Warnings: labour ig? azzie being scared and sad cus yn is in pain :(

A/n: HAPPY DAY 1 OF @azrielappreciationweek YALL WOOHOOOO 🥳

all fics in the week will be like a series cus theyre all revolving around azzie and his daughter hehe but it isnt a series ig?

ANYWAY ENJOYYYY 🥳

°•°•°•○🌑○•°•°•°

Rhysand did not see the shift in his spymaster. Did not see the way he stiffened, the way his eyes went distant before focusing again, fist clenched.

He said no words, nothing to indicate he knew his mate was going into labour. And if the meeting with Keir had not ended when it had and Azriel hadn’t immediately winnowed away without preamble, Rhys wouldn’t have even known.

Even when Rhysand and Cassian followed their brother to his house on the outskirts of Velaris, welcomed by agonising screams of Azriel’s mate, Rhysand saw him stand quietly in the hallway.

Rhysand could not fathom being that cool, that quiet if he knew Feyre was in labour.

He had to give it to Azriel, the male was great at hiding his weaknesses. And Rhysand would have been convinced he was still composed had he not seen that in the dark corridor, light glinted off of the tears rolling down his cheeks.

Azriel still did not move, standing still against the wall with his hands folded behind his back.

It shook Rhys more than him pacing and losing his mind would have.

°•°•°•○🌑○•°•°•°

Azriel’s pov.

He wanted to scream, he wanted to curse himself out loud. After all, he was the reason his darling mate was going through the pain of birth.

Should’ve resisted when she said she wanted kids.

But alas, it was now too late to do anything but stand here helpless as he heard her loud cries of pain from their bedroom.

"I- Azriel! Az-"

It took all Azriel had in him to stand outside while his mate, his wife went through unbearable pain he knew he could not even fathom of. Having your privates stretched while you had to push out a literal being was something he knew his worst wounds would look like paper cuts in comparison.

It made him respect females more at the moment.

Through the bond, he felt flashes of hot agony and cold pain, but he was aware it was nothing, nothing compared to what his mate was going through.

The door opened the slightest bit, the worried eyes of an apprentice healer peeking out. "Spymaster? Madja said you can come in to soothe your mate."

Instantly, Azriel was hurrying inside the room, his eyes finding his mate lying on the bed.

Keep calm. Keep calm. Keep calm.

But how could he, seeing as the one person he could ruin the world for, was sobbing, tears running down her face in constant streams, aided by the sweat gathering on her skin?

He hurried over to her side, her palm instantly finding his.

"My love, I’m here."

She gasped in pain, nails digging into his palm.

Cool. Stay cool. It will be fine.

"Just one more push dear, then you can rest."

Azriel turned his head to Madja when she said that, relief spreading through his veins. At least the torture Y/n was going through would be over soon.

Y/n nodded, meeting Azriel’s eyes. Even while she was pushing out their baby, she found it in herself to offer him a weak smile.

Be calm.

Not even a moment after Y/n dropped back down on the bed with an exhausted sigh, loud cries filled the room. Azriel leaned down, placing his forehead against his mate’s. She smiled up at him, her eyes tired.

"No more babies. Y/n, I’m telling you, I cannot see you in pain."

Y/n had the audacity to pout. "But what if our baby gets lonely?"

He shook his head, kissing Y/n’s cheek. "I won’t let them get lonely."

He straightened when he heard footsteps approaching, lifting his head to look at Madja, who grinned at them over the baby’s head. "It’s a daughter."

Tears gathered in Azriel’s eyes as Madja leaned down, his daughter’s face coming into view for the first time. Azriel could not look away.

She’s beautiful.

Her eyes are so pretty.

She stared back at him with wide eyes.

Don’t cry. Stay calm. Stay quiet.

Fuck calm. Fuck quiet.

He let the tears fall as Y/n placed a hand on his arm, telling him to take his daughter. And even though he did not want to taint the pure soul made of him and his beloved, he extended his arms. Y/n had had the time of months to scold and train Azriel to not be scared of his own child.

The moment Madja stepped out of their room, Azriel let out an involuntary sob, accompanied by a look in his mate’s direction, who was crying too.

"I love her so much."

She nodded, giggling. "Me too." After a pause, she continued. "Hazel. That’s what we decided."

He nodded, unable to look away as he leaned down to press his lips to her tiny forehead.

"My world."

°•°•°•○🌑○•°•°•°

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