#this isn't to make anyone else feel bad or anything i'm literally just. reflecting on how far i've come.

[borealing]

honestly when i was deep in mdzs fandom writing fics weekly and getting thousands of hits per day i was So mentally unhealthy about getting recognition. now i post most things i write on anonymous and get 400 hits per fic and it's truly freeing. i no longer feel guilty about writing or not writing i no longer feel like a failure when a fic doesn't get better than 10:1 hits to kudos ratio i simply write for enjoyment and when other people enjoy it too it sparks a special kind of joy in my soul,,, no more writing to see if ppl like it and if they do i feel relieved and validated, i am writing for ME

[sp-ud]

And while I'm on my Mouthwashing analysis arc, I had some realizations about how I think Daisuke's character plays into the message Mouthwashing is trying to tell about the cycle of rape culture, inaction, and how workplace environments are a key part of why the cycle is in place.

So my realization started with me complaining about how people often go "If Daisuke had known what happened to Anya he would have-" because we don't truly know what he would have done. Then I realized, actually maybe that's the point of Daisuke in Mouthwashing.

What I mean by that is he's the youngest of the crew, not only that but he literally has no other real job experience. He's incredibly new to all of this, he doesn't know the culture and is looking at those around him, his superiors, for direction and guidance. He's a young adult who still has starry eyes and is trying his best to live up to the expectations everyone around him has even though he feels personally directionless and unsure where he wants to go in life.

Things I think a lot of Mouthwashing's audience can relate to those aspects of Daisuke, or at least significant parts of him. And I think that is the key to understanding Daisuke's purpose in a story like Mouthwashing, to be someone likeable that the audience can see themselves reflected in.

Bringing this back to how I think this plays into the message of Mouthwashing. I think the fact that we ultimately don't know what Daisuke would do if he learned that Jimmy raped Anya is important.

Because we can't 100% say that he would do anything. Because his actions within the story honestly indicate it could go either way in my opinion. Specifically what he does when Anya has locked herself in the medical room.

On one hand, we have the fact that despite him having a better relationship with Swansea and being unsure if drugging him is okay or not, he still goes with it as it's what Jimmy, the current acting captain, is saying to do. He questions it but he doesn't protest or take a different action. He deferred to the highest authority in the situation, even though he wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do, even though it involved tricking his mentor who he clearly looks up to more than he does Jimmy.

But on the other hand, we also see him directly going against what Swansea told him about not going near that vent because he could get hurt, for Anya's sake. Willing to ignore what he was instructed to do just to have a chance at saving Anya. And even after he was hurt he still kept going, he still pulled himself up and unlocked the door.

So, if Anya had told him, what would he have done? Would he have risked his own standing and possibly even his safety with the higher authority figures for her sake? For doing what's right? Or would he be scared? Perhaps see the others inaction and follow their example even if he felt it wasn't the right thing to do?

What would you have done? What will you do if a co-worker/friend confides in you that someone else you know, perhaps even a higher up, sexually assaulted them?

And that's why even though what prompted me thinking about Daisuke's role was me being annoyed at people who focus on "What Daisuke would have done if knew?", I now see it differently. As people reflecting what they hope they'd do if in a similar situation on to Daisuke, and I think that's the point of his character in Mouthwashing and why we aren't given an indication of a clear answer.

To have us acknowledge that no, in reality, it can be hard to do what's right. That sometimes we will play into these toxic and harmful cultures even if we know it's wrong. And sometimes we might do it without even realizing it.

But that doesn't make anyone a bad person. Because we do want to do what's right, we don't want to be compliant in this cycle anymore. And acknowledging that it will be hard isn't saying that we shouldn't even try, it's just acknowledging that it'll be hard.

Daisuke represents the hope that things can improve while not ignoring the uncertainty many people have if it's even possible for things to get better.

[bulbabutt]

ok i wanna talk about tmnt 2007 and the way i think this is the best version of a leo and raph conflict, and also leo as a character

for context i've been talking about tmnt things kinda chronologically, so i'm gonna mention an unconditional understanding in 03 i bring that up in a previous post about that show and the family dynamics in it here if u want context for what i mean

i think this movie can really be appreciated for the place it has between adaptations, and the way character-wise everyone is more or less the same as they've always been but with a more interpersonal relationship as the focus. the main villain of this movie doesn't really matter, the conflict, the fights, that's not where the strength is (although, it is reflected in the conflict and ill get into that)

so tmnt 07 is one movie that kind of combines the 90s movies, 03, and mirage all in one place, and tonally is is similar to the show that will come after it, 12. if the 90s movies give us conflict between leo and raph, and 03 gives us the unconditional understanding between the two, 07 takes these two aspects and creates a story out of it. (debate in your own mind if this movie is a literal sequel to the 90s ones or not, its not that important)

the set up of this movie is we are in a post killing the shredder world. leo has been told by splinter to go get training elsewhere, there isn't much context for what happened to cause this, but i would bet its a similar cause to 03, where he had ptsd and lashed out at his father to which splinter sends him to his grandfather to get better advice than he thinks he can give him. the difference here is there is no grandfather hes sent to, he's sent on a journey of self discovery around the world to learn about it and himself.

the thing about leo as a character, and this goes for all leos, he's has a very black and white way of thinking. leo thinks he's been sent away because he's failing his family, that he's not a good enough leader. so he stays away for longer because he doesn't feel good enough. he finds a place where he can help and he does that. leo always needs a bad guy to fight, or else he's fighting his own demons. so he stays there for a long time. finding a place he can help quietly, never letting anyone see him, and becoming a legend to the locals because no one knows what's really going down.

april manages to track him down and tell him about whats going on with his brothers, how they're holding up without him and without being a team, and i think thats a good reminder for him that they miss him. he doesn't tell april but he finds a way home only after hearing about this. when he arrives and speaks to splinter, he says "i was so caught up in my own world i forgot about everyone else, i'm sorry i failed" he still doesn't feel like he's done anything of worth.

i'm gonna jump in here and say, you know how we all love rise raph? cuz hes the big brother and some traits that come from that are like being overprotective and taking on everyone else's problems and trying to handle emotions alone? well that's a trait thats usually leo's. but the difference with leo is sometimes that concept doesn't make you as likeable. sometimes it means you come off like a nagging mother hen who thinks they know best but in an arrogant way. sometimes it makes you mirror being a parent when no one asked you to be. leo's less of a passionate character than raph, hes more analytical and full of himself. he takes splinters lessons more seriously, and hes always trying to do whats best for everyone so they don't have to worry. this is something evident with 03 and 12, but its so specifically noticeable here because these traits make up the main conflict. i just want to bring that up so we start seeing leo as no different than some of our other favourite iterations.

splinter responds to his apology by saying "you owe me no apology, but perhaps you should talk to raphael, your absence has been particularly difficult for him, though he'll never admit it" but when leo greets him raph is brushing him off.

on raph's end, this is him being angry that leo left, and angry that hes back and everyone wants to pretend that he wasn't gone at all. as if the time he was gone didn't happen. hes lashing out because he too cant handle talking about these emotions. and hes lashing out by becoming a vigilante in his own right.

i see a lot of people misunderstand what raph is doing here, that "this is what the turtles always do" or "this is the same as what leo was doing how could he be mad" when that is not true. that's what casey does. its true that both leo and raph have been fighting bad guys on their own (as a way of dealing with their issues) but raphael has made himself a costume to disguise himself which means hes prepared to be seen. hes riding a motorcycle around, which is loud. this isn't stealthy, this is aggressive. his vigilante name is in the news. the turtles are ninjas, they silently help where they can and fade into the night and, very specifically, they work as a team. these turtles live in a dangerous world, what if something happened to him while no one else was around? they would never know because he never told anyone.

so raph is lashing out, and leo doesn't have a good way of dealing with it. he tries to slide back into being leader, doing what splinter says but he forgets how his brothers are, and with raph egging them on they get into fights they shouldn't. which leo specifically gets in trouble for, as the oldest brother, and as their leader. leo tries to be this better leader hes supposed to have learned to be, but it doesn't work and raph ends up back out there in his vigilante get up. leo tracks down said vigilante, and in his peak "leo knows best" moment, lectures him, not knowing its his brother. there's a scuffle, and the mask comes off. let me point out that casey knew this vigilante was raph but his own brother didn't, because leo has been gone that long.

so lets get into what this fight is really about. on the surface, its "wow you've been going out at night alone putting yourself in dangerous situations with no backup" and "so what you're just mad that i can do it without you" which leo would be right about. and this is the analytical leo, he really thinks that's all that's going on here. what hes missing is that raphael has missed him as a brother, and hes hurt that leonardo left and just came back no big deal. that he wants everything to be normal. raphael is always a character with big emotions and the only outlet he knows to express them is violence.

leo, who as we've established, went away to learn to be better for his family is angry that raph doesn't see that. he's mad raph doesn't appreciate the effort he went to, and he thinks he's just angry because he's not in charge. each brother sees the other as being arrogant.

this leads them to the big fight. no one can disagree that this is the best part of the movie (seriously watch the movie for this scene if you haven't seen it before) , but the real best part of it is that raphael wins. raph proves hes just as capable of a fighter as his brother, if not more-so. he uses those sais as they're supposed to be used, catching leo's swords and in a fit of rage he fucking breaks them, leaving leo defenceless and completely vulnerable to attack. you'd think he'd be smug that leo lost but he pauses, going through a lot of emotions in a moment, questioning what he's doing, why hes doing it. and leo finally looks his brother in the eye and sees raph going through something he didn't before, realizing raph hasn't been angry that he's back, but that he's angry that he ever left. they don't have a conversation, because raph cant handle all these emotions and he runs away, crying as he does. leo just watches him, taking it all in and realizing the error of his ways.

hearing leo scream turns raph around, but he's too late to help him, and this is where raph regrets his own actions because right then, leo is also proven right in his argument. because he gets kidnapped. if leo hadn't chased raph down, there is a very good chance that would have been raph being kidnapped. with no backup, with no one knowing what happened to him. that's why its important that the turtles are a team.

raph goes home full of guilt, and there's a good moment of showing how he cannot open up emotionally here, because he grunts, punches the wall, knocks over some weights and forces splinter to ask him what happened, because that's how raphael is. he laments to his father that he finally understands why leo is the better son, proving that to raph none of this was about their team, but about their family. conflating the two ideas in his head. splinter gives him a talk that mirrors what he said to leo when he returned earlier in the movie, encouraging him that he is a good son and brother. this shows that these brothers have very similar insecurities about their value to their family.

the rest of the movie plays out as you expect, they go save leo, they stop the bad guy, they reconcile and behave as the team they're supposed to be. but i just want to point out that the villains plot is mirrored in leo and raph's conflict. the 'villain' here is a brother who has been cursed to be immortal without his own siblings. for 3000 years he lived to regret his actions and decided to undo his curse, but he used the cursed stone versions of his siblings to do so. no communication, just thinking he knew better (which maybe he did) and lying about it. that caused them to lie to him right back, and try to overthrow him and destroy the world. this is just one family whose inner turmoil could have destroyed the world. you might say, oh that's not a very interesting turtles villain, but its not supposed to be. its not the focus.

this movie is all about the complicated relationship between a family, and i see so many people talk about it by trying to ask who's right and who's wrong. that's not how it works. life is more complicated than that, people are more complicated than that. its boring to look at this movie and just say "leo is wrong and raph is right" because that's not even how the characters see it. this movie is about leo and raph being mirrors of each other in their arrogance, in their insecurities, and in their stubborn pig-headed refusal to let the other know how they feel. splinter says as much at the start of the movie. this whole movie shows that without each other, they need to be fighting something so they don't get swept up by their own emotions, which they are both bad at processing. they are SUCH brothers. they are so similar emotionally, yet they have such a hard time understanding each other.

personally 07 leo is my favourite leo for his complexity, his flaws his strength, his growth. its sad we never got those sequel movies to get into the other brothers heads as much as we got into leo and raphs heads.

also nolan north and james arnold taylor gave the best vocal performances in this movie and they deserve all the credit for it.

[epickiya722]

The way I'm seeing this so far (because the chapter ain't officially out and the manga isn't done) when it comes to Sukuna's "conclusion" is this...

It reflects how he is.

True, we haven't gotten much about his backstory. Some of it we did through the little flashbacks and whatever else other characters had said about him.

And when he does go out, we don't get any inner thoughts of his.

But to me, just me now, it reflects that Sukuna is a person that doesn't care to reveal much about himself. He states in 265 that he "doesn't feel anything". We know that's not true but that what Sukuna wants to be believed. He's closing himself off, but he isn't just closing himself off.

He's closing himself off to Yuji.

Look, Sukuna is an arrogant guy and he will not admit to being human, especially to Yuji. Even though Yuji has been the one person to at least try to understand him.

Us not knowing much about Sukuna till the "end" is just another one of those instances where he's being closed off. If we knew his inner thoughts, it's knowing a vulnerable piece of him. Sukuna doesn't want to show his vulnerability. He doesn't want to admit to his humanity. It's just how he is.

I'll admit, I do think something did happen in Sukuna's life that made him that way but I also think it doesn't exempt him from the actions he takes. If Gege was going to give us a backstory, I do feel like some may have used it to excuse his actions, not understand them.

Going back through this translation, he didn't seem like Sukuna even rejected Yuji here. At least not outwardly.

Instead, it's just him rejecting the idea of him being human and claiming he's a "curse". Maybe not literally, before any of you "Sukuna isn't a curse" jump me. It's him stating "I'm a misfortune on your life".

Which is true. Even before Yuji was born, Sukuna was already a curse in his life. He was made to be his vessel. This is something that Sukuna does know (chapter 257).

His final words here isn't him rejecting Yuji's offer to still coexist, even if no one accepts him (Sukuna). Sukuna acknowledges that offer in his own Sukuna way. He knows he and Yuji will always be one in the same whole. Even in death, Sukuna is still part of Yuji and vice versa.

The "don't underestimate me" part just feels... like he's going "Alright, but don't expect me to make this easy on you".

I do have some thoughts about Yuji's side on this, but I'm leaving that for a separate post.

I'm not done.

In another post, I did agree that Sukuna's ending feels underwhelming and I still don't think it's a bad thing.

Going back to the curse thing. Sukuna isn't technically a curse, but the way the others treats him makes him feel like he is a curse. He's a human who happen to behave like one.

While Gojo went in fighting Sukuna for a challenge, just he was another opponent that he (Gojo) did aim to kill and Kashimo after, the others went to take down Sukuna because...

THAT'S THE JOB OF A JUJUTSU SORCERER!!

Sukuna was a Special Grade curse they all had to plan and work together to take down.

This was just another day on the job for them, of course the ending was going to be "lackluster". It was no different than Shibuya!

Once Yuji and the others jumped in to fight Sukuna, it became a job. Yuji will probably be the only person to think over this and find more meaning to it because it's who is he. The others? They didn't have any kind of attachment to Sukuna. Megumi was just his hostage and temporary vessel, nothing else. Megumi feels nothing for Sukuna, but anything negative.

Nobara? Nope.

Toge, Maki and Panda? Nuh uh.

Kinji? He was fighting Sukuna's right hand, but I bet he doesn't like Sukuna.

How about Kirara? Nope! Kusakabe? Nah. Higurama? Sukuna acknowledges his strength but Higurama acknowledged his role he had to play, Sukuna wasn't anything to him.

Choso? Sukuna definitely had some vendetta against him and Choso damn sure didn't like him.

Anyone else? Nope.

And Kashimo and Gojo (and Higurama, but it wasn't mutual) were just opponents Sukuna took pleasure in fighting.

Other than that, just a job. Killing Sukuna was just a job.

So, of course, the end was "underwhelming". This may be a story in the shonen genre, but not all stories will follow the usual formula of any genre in clean cut fashion. Jujutsu Kaisen just happen to be one of those stories because in this story, being a jujutsu sorcerer isn't about being a Hero or "righteous" or "I'm the best". It's an ever-going cycle of fighting curses (and sometimes there is other meanings to it) and Sukuna just happened to have been one of those curses.

[turn-my-hollow-purple]

Assigning AOT Characters Rap Songs From my Rap Playlist

idk this might be too niche... just tryna put out content while fighting for my life in college finals. Anyway, never falling for a man again because FUCK

Eren: "Revenge by XXXTENTACION; everyone... just listen to the lyrics for a second thank yew. I really have little to elaborate on this one idk

Mikasa: "PRIDE." by Kendrick Lamar; I think just the intro line sums it up so well... 'love's gonna get you killed, but pride's gonna be the death of you , and you, and me'. She is the best, and she knows it, but she can't let her love for Eren get in the way of being the best or else everyone's dead

Armin: "Like Toy Soldiers" by Eminem; chat if I elaborate on this one I might start crying, thanks. Just listen to it... after he kinda took over for Erwin and everything like fuck happiness... 'that was never my object for someone to get killed. why would I wanna destroy something I helped build?' or 'down-talking a man who literally saved my life'. Just gonna leave that there...

Jean: "HUMANS AND MONSTERS' by Lil Darkie; alright this might be controversial but he would fucking vibe soooo hard to this song. It's chaotic and loud and slightly conspiracy theory-coded and he likes that... especially the lyric "and if I was you, I would just quit. And if I was me, I am me, I'm glad I'm me"

Connie: "Me and Your Mama" by Childish Gambino (he's my fav rapper y'all); It's funny and chaotic and omg the beat drop. Yeah, Connie would eat this shit up like actually and he knows every single word

Sasha: "PICK IT UP" by Famous Dex and A$AP Rocky; this song is also pure chaos and vulgar lyrics and she loves that about it. It's a lot like Connie's song and the two vibe so hard with one another to these songs. She screams 'A BAD BITCH PUERTO RICAN!' every time she hears this song

Erwin: "Chapter 319" by clipping; I don't think this requires too much of an explanation? it's a very clear government-hate song and that's just so Erwin. He's on that anti-government, anti-police, protesting agenda or whatever. 'This government doesn't respect us'

Levi: "No Church in the Wilde" by Jay-Z/Kanye West; I just think it's such a badass, rebellious concept of a song for someone fighting... specifically the lyric 'what's a god to a non-believer, who don't believe in anything'

Hange: "tv off" by Kendrick Lamar; Hange loves the scream portion of this song where he just goes 'MUSTARDDDDDDDDDD' like that's their favorite part. They're a big fan of the chaos and heart that are Kendrick's lyrics and beat

Annie: "Demons" by Doja Cat; I think Annie is a bigggg Doja stan and she sits here and listens to "Demons" and is like 'yeah how do my demons look, bitch?'... it's a little confidence, bad-ass boost song for her

Reiner: "Goosebumps" by Travis Scott; this fits his kinda depressed, self-loathing nature that (in a way) relies on other people and its laidback. "With my squad I can do no wrong" is a nod to Annie and Bertholdt I fear

Bertholdt: "Lucid Dreams" by Juice WRLD; it's introspective and guilt-ridden which reflection Bertholdt well

Ymir: "Heartless" by Kanye West; this shows her care-free, badass, bitch personality because she really doesn't care about anyone except herself (excluding Historia of course)

Historia: "Sober" by Childish Gambino (I had to have my fav make an appearance again); I like this song for her because it's kind of an upbeat feel with sad lyrics which feels a lot like her as a character. And tbh, I think after everything happened with Ymir she has a hard time forgetting about and coping with everything unless she isn't sober

[thewebcomicsreview]

hey, just wanted to say thanks for the rec for Cat Girl. it is the best kind of extremely uncomfortable! but it's got me musing on your note about the relevance of the cat girl element itself. I agree that it is depicting an abusive relationship, but it's clear that Peter is completely incapable of perceiving that that's what it is, because he's so far down a deeply screwed hole of ideology. (continued in a sec, hang on-)

- so Peter is the way he is because he has accepted a series of small explanations for the things in his life as seeming accurate, that has stacked up into a deeply dysfunctional worldview that he's too deep into to question at all. so I think the Literal Government Issued Cat Girl is very much a metaphor for a society-level case of "you don't question your own idea of normal". rather than address the root of the problem, a wildly unethical bandaid has been slapped on it. in other words; Peter doesn't question that his ideas are correct, when they're obviously very skewed. but the society that gave him Andi doesn't question that it is normal for people to get this twisted up in an effort to make sense of the world. of COURSE there are internet chuds, people like Peter existing is "normal". and in the process of just accepting that some people are unsalvageable, innocent people like Andi get hurt, and that's just "normal" too. Peter isn't unfixable. it's clear he could be better, WANTS to be better, because he is straight up miserable. but he doesn't consciously know that, or how to start. the decision that some people are just fundamentally screwed up and there's nothing anyone can do about it doesn't just hurt him, it lets him hurt the people around him. Andi is, metaphorically, everyone else being tossed under the bus alongside Peter by the simple act of treating him like he's just inherently a shitty person.

Man, this is a long ask! If I were the author of Cat Girl, I'd be honored to see someone spend so much time thinking about it. But I don't think I agree, exactly.

Peter wants to "be a good person", yes, but his understanding of what a "good person" is is completely self-centered. Him calling Andi "Yua" while talking over her trying to explain that she does in fact have a name is obviously establishing him as a douche, but it's also worth noting that "Yua" is a Japanese name. He's thinking of her as an anime waifu and not a person (or, given the first results when I google "Yua", a porn star, but maybe it's a Breath of Fire 2 reference)

And while he falls into depressive self-loathing after she complains about not having a change of clothes, his internal monologue is entirely about himself. At no point, ever, does Peter even consider that Andi has feelings or is anything other than a reflection on him.

When he locks her in a closet, his most overtly abusive act, he starts crying because he feels bad about what a bad person he is, but even while he's crying he's simultaneously blocking the door, which is a very literal depiction of their relationship. His angsting about being a good person is not his way out of the problem, it is the problem. He never even once considers being nice to Andi because she'll like it, it's entirely "I don't want to force her to have sex with me (because that would make me feel bad), but maybe if I'm nice to her she'll initiate the sex". And he doesn't even care about the sex itself, just the implicit validation of being Confirmed Good By A Girl.

Peter is the way he is because his morality is entirely self-centered. Andi is a way for him to prove his morality to himself (well, try to and fail), not an actual person whose feelings he's ever considered except for if she hates him or not. That's what makes him such an interesting villain, he keeps concocting a story in his head where he's the poor sweet babu trying his best and never stops doing that to let his girlfriend out of the closet.

[therealvinelle]

What's your opinion on the fandom's obsession with Smeyers mormonism? I'd just recently discovered your metas(and they're so interesting btw they brilliantly expand upon the almost kinda psychological horror esque feel of the characters and story). But then I go into your replies and tags expecting everyone to marvel at your genius exploration of what's eluded to in the canon text or just the likelihood or natural outcomes of certain scenarios and decisions that have/may have not happened in the context of the overall story. Instead it's most of the time just a bunch of people going, "Aha. Confirmed it! That's so because Meyers a Mormon" or "See, that insert literally anything happened because of the Mormom themes, characterizations and ...idolization??? of insert literally any character/aspect of the lore. "

It would be a lie to say it isn't irritating even speaking as an atheist because it literally stifles any actual exploration of nuance within the books. Any theory, character analysis, or legitimate in/out of universe explanation in regard to canon can be boiled down to such an archaic supposition. And it's not just your blog. I see it everywhere here on tumblr when discussing anything twilight. Even people indifferent to twilight and twilight antis alike are of such strong conviction that they erase any character's belief or motivation or really anything Meyer has said in regards to that matter

Seeing as I'm running a doylism purist blog I obviously agree with you. The author's religious belief are a non-issue to me when I read Meyer's works, or anyone else's for that matter.

I say that, but there are exceptions - there's something strikingly Calvinist permeating the world of Harry Potter in that people are born good or bad and the juxtaposition between Tom Riddle and Harry Potter seems to boil down to Tom being a bad person who will make bad choices while Harry is a good person who will make good choices, and this extends to the rest of the cast and the Hogwarts houses as well. However, these are children's books with Good Guys and Bad Guys and I won't pretend to understand what's happening in JKR's brain, and so you won't see me saying that Harry Potter is Calvinist: merely that there are parallels that can be drawn.

Similarly, taking a step outside the YA genre I find that Victor Hugo's own political and religious personal journeys are reflected in Jean Valjean and Marius Pontmercy, but while it adds to the reading experience it doesn't make me see the characters any differently. They stand on their own.

I bring up these examples for a reason - sometimes, no matter how Doylist you want to be, you read a book and you can tell that, "oh this is an allegory for apartheid", or "I can tell the author is writing about personal experiences with trauma" or the plain old "you know, this feels like the author was projecting a lot" (frequently found on Ao3).

Twilight, for me, is not one such work. My thoughts on Mormonism and Twilight are summed up here, but one point I feel I should make is that although Twilight never read as Mormon to me, I also straight up know very little about Mormonism, so who knows, maybe I would be picking things up if I was more into it. As it is, however, the analyses of Mormonism in Meyer I've seen have been consistently reductive and superficial, where things like "Carlisle is a young blond leader -> Joseph Smith, the Cullens are a perfect family -> they're mormons, nobody in this YA series drinks alcohol -> they're mormons" are presented as compelling evidence, so I've yet to be convinced of it.

To actually answer your question though, I would just block "Mormonism", "LDS", and "Joseph Smith" on tumblr saviour and smile blissfully at my Mormon free dash. In fact I would do that anyway, regardless of what the Twilight fandom is posting.

[lousirs]

Hi!

It’s me again and I was wondering what is the solution for Lou’s situation?

Like he was alone for who knows how long (with short amount of time with Ox, but that ended terribly) teaching these dolls. Of course that time he was probably isolated from the rest of the doll’s. And in the end of the movie he is basically degraded to janitor so he lost his purpose (train dolls) and I guess to identity (he isn’t perfect anymore, everyone hates him) is basically unneeded. And of course he still can’t go to the Big world.

Like I know he should face punishment for what he did. But still what do you think they should do with him? (They can’t just leave him to do the janitor job, at least I don’t think that’s the solution.)

Thank you for your answer and have a good day:)

hello again :)

yeah, lou's situation is literal hell.

he's stuck in doll purgatory, he's lost his purpose as a mentor and teacher, he's forced to clean up after everyone (which must suck because i'm guessing the prettydolls and uglydolls are going wild with messiness)(lydia literally covered her face in green paint for the hell of it so)...

my solution? MAKE HIS SITUATION LESS UNBEARABLE. he'll never be able to leave, so why not at least make him feel welcome? he did wrong, of course, but in the end he was probably following protocol. because who would want a doll that is below standard? not the factory, that's for sure. that'll ruin their reputation.

i want lou to have a friend so bad. like, someone that isn't concerned about the big world as much as everyone else, who reaches out to lou despite how others treat him, and show genuine kindess to him, which allows him to become a better doll because of it. i want someone to stick up for him, realise that what he did was wrong, but also realise that constantly humiliating him and isolating him isn't going to help anything. i want lou to open up to this friend, about the years of lonliness and pain he's suffered through being a prototype, having to watch endless dolls leave him to gain the love he will never obtain.

the friend could be anyone, really. my personal take is that it's nolan. yes, i know that lou called him ugly and left him to the dog, but lou called loads of prettydolls (and the uglydolls) ugly (so it wasn't really targeted)(nolan was just one example out of many) and he left his own henchmen (tuesday) to take the bullet for him during the gauntlet, not just nolan. lou only cared about the uglydolls failing, he didn't care at the time about anything else. nolan sending lou to the washer was karma for lou sending the uglydolls (and perhaps the prettydolls) to the washer as well. and besides, the other dolls were wanting lou dead with his stuffing teared out. nolan basically saved him there. also, lou being captured by the dog is additional karma for not saving nolan (and stopping tuesday from saving him) earlier.

anywho, i think nolan would be the best option for pre-existing characters (since nolan seemed to like lou despite lou's insults)(and nolan seems like an empathetic sweetheart)...

i may be slightly biased as a nolou shipper and nolan and lou being my favourites, but i've always thought that they would become friends. not instantly though, lou would probably still be hostile to everyone (because of trust issues and general anger) and get mad at nolan for throwing him in the washer, but ya know. it's a slow-cooked friendship.

moxy or ox or mandy are also decent options, though i think with them, they have more history with lou, and were treated worse (just my opinion though)(but he did try to recycle all three of them at some point). they could work, but it would need for lou to realise his mistakes, and for the other doll to forgive him (either after he apologises or they do some reflecting idk).

a totally new character could also work.

but i want in the end for lou to apologise to the dolls he's hurt, and for them to eventually forgive him (or at least tolerate him) and allow him to feel included. to feel loved. that would be nice.

...or just do what the doll jail AU is doing. send that silly doll to jail why not--

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #394

I'm not sure what's wrong with me today.

Well. I didn't spend the whole day with something wrong with me. Actually, this morning, I was in pretty good spirits. Made myself a tea, even:

Even peeled like 6 heads of garlic to test out my shiny new garlic basket that I made out of whisk wire yesterday.

I peeled it to this playlist:

It's still in the oven. I'm waiting for it to get nice and dark. I wonder how dark it can get and still taste good. We're gonna find out.

Still in good spirits, I began playing Hades. Got all the way up to the final boss like twice; it was pretty rad.

But then... I'm not really sure what happened. All of a sudden, I found myself feeling hopeless and cynical. As far as I know, there wasn't any triggering event. It persists even in this immediate moment.

The feeling itself is... there's the crushing weight of my own perceived inadequacy; it's the usual suspects – bad cat mom, bad wife, bad friend, fat, ugly, useless, zit-covered (seriously??? this one???? what???? why????), flat-chested (this one is also just so fucking old...), loser – none of this is new. The notion that I don't do enough, that I'm not kind enough, "attractive" enough (🙄), that I'm not considerate enough, that I'm not attentive enough to the people around me... it's all blatantly false.

It's all blatantly false, and I'm fully aware that levels of adipose tissue a person has and how well one's physical appearance conforms to “conventional attractiveness” literally does not matter and its not indicative of a person's morals and goodness; it's just that my brain is parroting conditioning I got from my mother, my stepmother, some of my more abusive past romantic partners, and society at a whole. It's just noise that imitates things that were said to me in the past to make me feel small and bad about myself as a person; it's not reflective of how I actually think or feel about myself or anyone else.

I no longer have acne, but acne is not bad; people will just make fun of you for having it if they don't like you. I am no longer flat-chested, but being flat-chested isn't bad; it's just what the bullies at school used to say to me to make me feel worthless. I am chubby now, but... literally, so what??? It's an equally valid body type, and even then, back when I was skinny, I was made fun of for that, too.

Like. It's a bizarre thing in my world. People will make fun of you for being fat, being skinny, being too average, being unattractive, being too attractive, being average, being muscular, flabby, average, tall, short, average... whatever. My world is very bizarre. Like... it literally does not matter what your body configuration is; some insecure person somewhere will try to make fun of you for it, even though a person's body configuration has literally no bearing on their morals or goodness or worth or anything else. It's cuckoo-bananapants, is what it is.

...The internal berating myself for my “inadequacies” is, again, not reflective of how I personally think about myself or about anyone else. So what this tells me is that something internal is bringing up memories of past abusers, and the imprints left behind by their words are running through my head like a broken record that keeps skipping back and repeating a part. And it's annoying.

Oddly, too, the sense of self-perceived inadequacy is combined with the feeling that all other people are mean, insincere, untrustworthy, and inclined to view me similarly. I feel very alone and poorly understood by everyone and everything today. When this started, I felt on edge, as though I am perpetually 5 seconds away from being slammed into a wall and smacked around or screamed at by M or J. Which is absolutely ludicrous. That will literally never happen. I don't live with those kinds of people anymore.

And... I know that objectively, the way my brain is perceiving myself and the world around me (as though it is all wholly and invariably made of threats) is false. It is absolutely false. M and J love me very much. I have friends who love me very much. Even if not everyone is as straightforward or sincere with me as I'd like, most everyone in my circle is intentional about practicing integrity of word and deed.

...So where is this sensation coming from...?

My first thought goes to the fact that I went to bed pretty late last night. My second thought is that I've not kept up with my hydration for the last few days (my bad...). I've also not been eating in the most balanced fashion. Perhaps it's nothing more than a combination of these factors. It's cold outside, and there's not a whole lot of sunlight. Perhaps I did a bit too much yesterday. I really don't know.

Like... nothing happened. A handful of people talked to me, but there wasn't anything out of the ordinary. M and J were around and doing their usual thing. We even got pizza today (poorly made because the place we got it from is consistently short-staffed, the poor folks, but... it's still pizza, and pizza is good). I took my vitamins, did my exercises, rested most of today... and my kitchen smells like awesome garlic. M and J are happily watching Stargate SG-1 together as I write this. Objectively, all is right with the world. There is literally absolutely nothing wrong at this moment.

...What happened.

Well. It doesn't fucken matter what happened. Because you know what? Brains that have been abused don't always tell the truth, because abused brains often end up internalizing all sorts of weird “justifications” for their abuse, and all of the “justifications” for abuse are inherently untruthful. The alarm bells are going off in my head for unknown reasons, which is causing my brain to instinctively parrot a bunch of really old shit that was never true to begin with. And I don't need to listen to my brain when it's parroting weird shit. It's not native to me; it's just noise. Noise that I was fed when I was young and vulnerable and forced to internalize or else face more abuse. I don't need to cuddle it close to my chest and treat it as though it's gospel. It's just shenanigans that I can guide myself through until I reach the other side and go back to normal.

...My job is to reparent my brain and treat myself with compassion while I'm going through the old shit. I don't need to fight against the noise as though I'm desperate to prove to myself and others that it's not true; it's already untrue, and it doesn't need to be proven because unloving thoughts like those are all lies automatically. I just need to be present with myself as the noise passes through. Like this:

I can use other things to remind me of the present moment, too. Like this one:

I can be there for myself:

I can remind myself that I am capable of persisting:

I can rise up from the chains that try to bind me:

...Sephiroth... did you know that you can do all these things, too? Even when your memories are weighing you down? Give it a try; we get better and better at it, the more we practice!

I don't live in the old place with the old people. I am in the here and now. You also don't live in the old place with the old people. You're no longer a helpless little boy who is beholden to people who care nothing for you. So... what will you do with the here and now? Even when your brain is being scared and uncooperative for unknown reasons, you can weave the here and now into something bearable. You can take care of yourself kindly until it passes. You can defy the old memories and choose a more wholesome outcome.

The garlic has been in the oven all day. I will do one more run of Hades and then show you the results tomorrow. You'll find me here if you wanna hang out:

I love you, even when my brain has not a lot of energy because it's busy being mean to me. I am thinking good things towards you, even when my anxious brain is trying to trick me into thinking that I am bad and that nothing and no one is safe. I'll be okay. I know it'll pass, and I have lots of experience with handling it until it does, so don't you worry about me, okay?

Worry about you. Stay safe out there in the world, and in your mind. Maybe your mind will play tricks on you and call you old things that you were conditioned into believing. But you don't gotta listen to your brain when it's being mean; it's just being mean because it's scared. So do what you can to help it feel a little better without believing anything it says. Be nice to it, even when it's regurgitating the vitriol you were given as a boy; it's the only way to heal.

I'll write again tomorrow.

Your friend, Lumine

[possessesnightshift]

my lord seeing all the posts talking about not voting for joe biden like...

im not even gonna push my personal opinion. i just want people to take the time to earnestly reflect about what they're deciding to do

as in. just think "what is the impact of my decision?" think about what would come about if you voted for biden, or against biden, or third party, or (likely the most popular other option ppl want to pursue) didn't vote AT ALL.

then reflect on the actual issues that matter enough to sway your vote. think about palestine. think about queer liberation & disability advocacy. think about the writer's strike and the actors strike and unionizing. think about the environment. the fucking economy. basically anything that's defined the political landscape of the 2020s.

and then circle back to "what is the point of making this specific choice?" in regards to voting in the 2024 election. if you want to make any of these issues better, ask yourself if those changes will be easier to make under a trump administration or a biden administration. would trump be better for palestine than biden? the environment? the economy? even if he's worse than biden in a lot of areas, is there one special issue that could push him over the edge? what are you trying to accomplish with this vote (or lackthereof)?

the reason i felt compelled to lay it all out in this specific manner is quite simple. i want to emphasize something important.

i feel like a lot of people planning to protest their vote for Joe Biden see themselves as possessing a moral high ground with respect to our corrupt political system. by refusing to participate and play the game, you're avoiding complicity in a machine designed to grind people up and spit out their bodies for the sake of profit. i get it. i know exactly why you don't want to take part in something so horrible.

but you DO.

even if you don't want to. you are a part of this system.

withholding a vote isn't exempting you from anything. you are still making a decision. a decision that impacts your life, the lives of those around you, and of course the lives of people overseas caught up in our country's colonialist bullshit

i promise you nobody is keeping score. you won't get extra woke points in heaven because you didn't vote for someone who does bad things. say hypothetically we lived in a country like australia with compulsory voting, and protesting your vote was literally not an option. what would people say then? would the anti-genocide crowd encourage you to vote for trump? vote third party? do these choices make sense??

because at the end of the day, we have 2 choices. we can continue sucking ass. or we can bring in someone else to suck ass EVEN HARDER.

i'm not sure what i can say beyond this much. i get how easy it is to turn off your brain and rail against anyone challenging an opinion that, from your perspective, feels beyond the realm of criticism. these people do not have bad intentions. our brains can't think in terms of stupid political games. we see a man encouraging a genocide running for re-election, and the LAST thing we want to do is reward him.

but the system is illogical by design. (see electoral college for more info.) you can't make it make sense. these people in power aren't gonna buckle to your pressure based on morality or shame because they have none. they know exactly what the fuck is going on. they know what they're doing, and they're doing it on purpose.

if republicans can accept that holding your nose and playing the bs voting game can make the system work in their favor, why the fuck can't college educated socialists come to the same conclusion?

whatever you decide to do come november, just be honest about why you're doing it. whether it's about gaza or trans people or even just the prices of groceries always increasing, it doesn't matter. i know what change i want to see in the world, and i'm doing what i can to help move the needle in that direction.

[sandorsubs]

hi an anon here, im just feeling overwhelmed and healing since i have so many emotional abuse interaction with ppl outside, it kind offended and im internalizing it and worrying my trauma will pop up when im manifesting, cause till today i feel vulnerable how they look at me, like i dont do anything to ppl and they hate and piss off to me, im a very spiritual person and its obviously i tend to be sensitive, im also insecure and worried if i have a bad energy or its just a reflection of their bad energy.

hi there anon. i don't think you have bad energy first of all. being a spiritual person can be tiring sometimes. i kinda felt that you are an empath. so you need to protect your energy. carrying our past is so tiring when it's mixed with our old harmful habits. for example you may realize you have same pattern in relationships because of your previous experiences. but you are not stuck in past even if it feels like it. according to your assumptions you may still attract negative people around you. i'll listen things you may want to be interested in because i've been there, i am still healing. most important thing is your will to heal. since you have that i hope you find this useful.

of course i will suggest therapy first because it's mind opening and makes us realize a lot. all healing process is like breaking a wrong healed bone to make it heal better again. but don't condition yourself it'll be hard or scary. it's fresh breath seriously.

you are the most important person in your life. this is a realization should hit somewhere in your life. it's cheesy to read it on self-motivation pages ik. don't just affirm but think about it. when a people pleaser say yes to something they don't want, who experience the discomfort? they do. being rejected isn't worse than discomfort. every grown up person should deal with rejection. but a people pleaser would rather feel discomfort than making someone feel rejected. whose team are you on? always check you feel good, comfortable and respected when you are with people. if you completely focus on other people's wants and opinions, you'll neglect yourself. but your life comes first.

as a previous people pleaser i used to imagine myself as someone else (since i am kinder to strangers) to be able to help myself. but do i bully other people? no. i didn't even write a single hate message in my life but oh the things i told myself...to the mirror. then i realized "i'm not surprised why i hate myself" because i treat myself very shitty. i neglect her, i shut her down, i bully her, i reject her requests. but i expect to be happy. how? according to external validation but it's sooo temporary if you don't love yourself. you experience this life yourself, you should love yourself most because they are always with you. please practice self love, external validation is out. it makes you weak and open to manipulation.

who can tell you who you are? you have been your own best friend from the start. you should know everything about yourself. but do you? do you really think you have bad energy? write down about yourself. your life, things you are proud of, your dislikes. this sounds so basic and you may struggle first but i promise you'll amaze yourself. don't be humble just be honest. even our families says horrible things to us sometimes. we think they are right just because it's family and they're close bla bla. but you can stop and not accept what they say. because you know yourself better than anyone. no one can make you doubt.

about past traumas. write everything down. literally every single thing you are offended by, every person that hurt you. now since you love yourself and know yourself, trust me you'll have a different perception. you'll know why you acted like that, why you said that and all of your experiences will make sense. because we get the damage and since we couldn't heal from it we still think it's our fault and feeling ashamed of our trauma. how is this fair? i am not a professional and i don't know what kind of traumas you have but get help, heal and build your trust in yourself again. would you let someone you love and know get hurt in front of you? no, since you build a healthy relationship with yourself you won't let that happen.

sometimes we forget who "people" are. you said you get hate for no reason. why do you care? look who is giving you the hate. a hater. i wouldn't be friends with a hater, i wouldn't even look at their face, they don't deserve to talk to me. i wouldn't let them approach to my kids. they just need to heal and stop having a ugly personality. because we've also been through shit and we don't have ugly personalities. sadly we can't stop haters from talking and reaching out but we can ignore. before directly accepting what they say, look where it comes from. i know it's hard but look at their faces carefully, they are not even aware of their toxicity. they are far from healing and being happy. they want to see you doing bad stuff only to tell themselves "oh great i'm not the only bad person". but you don't and this makes them crazier.

you have the formula. self love+knowing yourself+trust= self worth. past doesn't matter, what people says about you doesn't matter. focus on what you want and create that time for yourself to write and ask questions. like you get to know yourself from start. be clear about your manifestations and there is nothing to be afraid of

[annerbhp]

By any chance, would you have any tips for being an adult fanfic writer for a tween/youth targeted series?

I have just started to publish my own fanfic after many years as a fanfic reader (and Changeling/Armistice are personal faves) … but I’m feeling like I’m really “other” as an adult writer within the fandom demographic.

I’m literally writing because my kids got me into a series they love… but now I’m a generation removed from the audience. It’s… strange, and I don’t know if there’s some secret to navigating it!

I suppose I have two main directions that my thoughts go to:

Audience. I think the very idea of young adult and youth designations on media (books, tv shows, whatever) is pretty strange. On the one hand, these designations might often be about reading level or signalling that certain inappropriate adult content is not present (for some measure of adult and some measure of inappropriate). But that's more about why someone who is younger might not or maybe should not engage with adult content. That isn't about adults not engaging with youth content. I guess I'm trying to say that the demographics of an audience is simply who engages with it, not who it is aimed at? You are part of the audience. You're not removed from it. It's a piece of media you engaged with and meant something to you in some way. That's real!

If you are interested in writing about teens or other youth experiences as an adult, the only thing that immediately comes up to me is that you should write from your own experiences. And I don't mean this as a trite "write what you know". When I wrote The Changeling, it wasn't about Harry Potter or the youth demographic who might be reading it, it was about my own experiences being a young girl, the questions I had, and maybe some of the things I wish I had had, some of the conversations that would have meant something to me. It was never about preaching to anyone or trying to speak to someone else's experiences, it was a dialogue with my own younger self. We've all been there, right?

I mean, let's be real a minute. Who exactly do we think the authors/writers of the original content were? Were they kids? Likely not. You're engaging in media written by adults for a younger audience.

I ultimately refuse to believe there is anything inherently cringe about any of this. Which is not to say that I never paused and thought about it or wondered. I just believe that if you enter authentically, are willing to self-reflect, the writing itself isn't really an issue.

Now, the bigger issue might be if you are interacting with other fans, in that way I would be very careful and never make any assumptions about the people you might be interacting with. Don't assume you are speaking to other adults. I'm not saying I never interact with younger fans in any spaces, but I set very clear boundaries and do my best to conduct myself in a way that is respectful not only of others, but of myself. Be authentic and lead with compassion. Those are never bad things to center around.

[kellodrawsalot]

Since I've been looking to some of those anonymous things, at least those links they're not wrong and I think I should address this so people could be aware of this as well About those people RandomFox and him and his insane Friends If they're even friends I'm not scared of them I know how to deal with them Especially their cult leader.

RandomFox Isn't insane human being Like where to begin.

He's sexist, Extremely racist Talking bad about black people Has said the N-word many times Racist to Spanish people Literally said he was gunned down all Mexican people and said there are all just much brownies I'm not joking Literally talks about he will kill anyone in the Sonic the hedgehog fanbase supporting IDW He talked about he's not in hedge and he would never shoot anyone Or kill anyone because it's common sense. Yeah, but when he makes tweets about that on his Twitter and Tumblr It sounds very hypocritical Especially his hate boner for Ian Flynn Which is super creepy and disturbing Stalking him everyday horror on his tweet when he blocks him I'm making fake accusations about him when he can just actually talk to him like a normal person, including the other idw writers Again, he actually has sent death threats to him, literally wants to kill him, considering he does have guns Like I said, he even talked about. He would kill someone if they were black And he would get away with it because he is white.

He literally once the gate keeps Sonic the hedgehog Peab told him why not just read something else or enjoy what you enjoy, including with his friends, but no trying to be civil with him is impossible, including his friends It doesn't matter what you say to him. What if your intentions are good or not. He will mock you argue with you and fight you And laugh at you or screenshot your tweet for his friends to make fun of you To him, you're just a dumb Poo poo head and he's the smart one. He's literally the real life creep so.

Oh I almost forgot he's transphobic He talks about he's not transphobic one time Guilty Gear Video Bridget When the character was trans Saying that he's not transfer big or uncomfortable with them, but he has said a lot of transfer big things to actual transpeople and characters, whatever the reflection or real life.

https://x.com/literallyme_bad/status/1804544377274179628?t=gUnONEY8F1xOtzdQ_Exwvg&s=19

https://x.com/rabbitdongo/status/1811292890338836902?t=9X35bdYQXTj5PGH792mOEQ&s=19

Doesn't really help his accusations He says he's also Pansexual But I think he's just gay and not the good kind of gay Only G Matters to him and the in LGBT Community Including fictional kid characters I'm not against anyone's cakes or anything and I know some people who have kinks, but the difference is, they're actually safe with it and don't aren't hurting anyone Before RandomFox He is super creepy with it , especially with fictional kid characters And he likes seeing boy characters dress up in female clothing Which feels super creepy The only female character he's ever talked about is cream the rabbit And finally, he really likes to sexualize everything And is weird brain. He talks about. He has a boyfriend but I highly doubt it He's never shown his pitcher up his boyfriend at all.

Any hateful fan made projects Especially the sonic eye and dragon wall of bridge when again, he's a hypocrite. I believe his friends made a fan made game And he makes erotic fan fictions with the sonic characters a big hypocrite He talks about he's sometimes a victim being bullied when he's kind of harassed and sends death threats to people and screenshot people And like you said, when you were arguing with that weirdo

Yeah, he kind of stalks kids and screenshots them and gets mad at them and sends trets to them Really not helping the pedal accusations for RandomFox Again, he talks about he knows how Sega works and thinks Sega is his best friend Just because he plays the games Whenever one has their own interpretation with the games He literally believes that if we didn't had any other sonic content or any type of media adaptation to what series we would all not fight each other.

He literally stalks and harassed kids who are minors in the fanbase When this whole series is targeted to kids sometimes even if they will be all ages He screenshots them sets threats to them on his tumbler or Twitter Not really helping the pedal accusations He literally If we didn't have any type of sonic media We wouldn't be fighting shutter or any type of media.Any type of series. And he clearly thinks he knows saga Like he thinks Sega is his best friend When the more you buy their products and special IDW the more you're supporting IDW.

Again? Has he ever interviewed with Sega or any of the people of idw nope? I've seen actual people interview them and talk to them. Civilly like normal people, including in the fanbase, what does he do? That's all he talks about every day, what a waste of his life.

Thank you for informing me, I was aware he harassed young sonic fans, an anon already told me that. I dont want to make any assumptions about his love life, orientation or kinks , But Im pretty sure no professional wants to interact with this kind of person for obvious reasons. I know you send me another ask about this but I wanted to leave this topic on this for now. Best to avoid this guy. I do agree it all reminds me very much of Arick.

[the-wild-grove]

I'm going to get a little personal here, but I'm posting it as a personal reminder to myself. Maybe this will help some of you too, but feel free to skip over this.

Over the past couple of years, I've struggled with depression, finances, and relationships. I was consistent with my worship throughout all of it, but it never felt right. I would go to my altar, give offerings, pray to Pan, and I rarely felt anything.

It was strange to me because I rarely felt Pan at my altar. However, I still felt his presence during simple everyday acts. Things like going outside, reading books, and taking care of my pets is when I felt him the most.

I realized Pan was still very much with me, but not at my altar. I couldn't figure out why this was until I began comparing my current worship with the way I worshipped in the past. Formal ritual was new to my worship with Pan, and it just wasn't sticking. I feel Pan in the forests, in my love of nature, and in the animals around me.

Since struggling to literally survive mentally and financially, I stopped going outside to worship like I used to. I realized that while I still loved to worship Pan, I wasn't worshipping him in a way that either of us connected to. I was using the reconstructions style of worship, but that wasn't working.

I needed to go out into the fields and groves to dance with him and the nymphs again. I needed to relearn my bird calls and tracking so I could become familiar with the wildlife around me. I needed to live a life that reflected him and his values. So I recently started to try that.

It's amazing how much my mood and worship have improved. Even if I don't give Pan a formal offering, just being outside seems to make both of us happy. I want to remind myself (and anyone else who needs it) that if formal "correct" worship doesn't work for you, it's okay to ditch it.

I still strive to be respectful of course, but a traditional household altar wasn't what Pan and I wanted (or needed). I actually took down my indoor altar completely to force me to connect with Pan in other ways that I find more appropriate. I still have my altar supplies, but I generally find ways to transport them outside or carry them with me on the go.

If you like formal worship, then that's awesome! I just want to remind people there isn't a correct way to worship, and it's okay to get creative. Don't feel bad if you don't have the energy for a formal ritual, just do what you can to honor the gods and keep yourself healthy. My relationship with Pan is honestly better when I focus on my emotional well being, even if that means I'm not giving offerings regularly.

[elliebear666]

Just gonna write this out... idc what anyone thinks tbh.

I like this dude a lot. Ight. If he isn't interested, I WILL move on. I'll respect it. Of course I will. Because, even if I do get angry about what seems to be a dude playing games? I do care about his feelings. I do. A lot.

I am not going to beg to be chosen. Did I act a fool while drunk? Yes lol. Everyone is dumb while drunk.

But like, if there's any interest? It's on him. He's going to have to put in the effort. I would gladly put in more if I thought it would be well received. I want to, but I'm going to pull back and focus on myself.

I can handle no. In fact, I prefer blunt honesty. Give it to me true. It's the ambiguity I can't handle. It tears me apart. I overthink. I have a major difficulty with understanding the nuance of hints and people's words.

When it comes to communicating needs, boundaries, wants? I NEED literal statements. Anything else leaves too much to the imagination, and I will struggle to understand what you mean or read between the lines.

I have a tendency to take things at face value. Idioms and figures of speech are taken at face value unless I know you or I know the phrase you're using enough to figure out what you mean. There are too many variables for me to come to a proper conclusion without literal statements. I'm sorry :/

I am trustworthy. But I also refuse to hold the sanctity of trust with someone that has brutally betrayed me - if you gaslight me, hurt me, manipulate me? I owe you NOTHING.

You can be vulnerable with me. In fact, I prefer it. You can always be yourself. That's what I want!!! That's the goal! Be who you are so I can meet you where you're at.

I'm healing, I'm working in therapy on my shit, I'm trying to improve, and I am, but I do have bad habits that I need to break.

I will be incredibly patient if I am given a REASON to. Give me SOMETHING.

I am not a bad person. I have some issues. But guaranteed, everyone does.

You're allowed to have friends, space, etc. You NEED those things. I don't need all of your time. I just need to know you're putting in effort and making time for me. That's it. I don't ask for much, just open communication.

Maybe I'm wasting my time writing this. But... idk. Something in me tells me not to let go just yet. To be patient.

I think you're worth it. I just need to know if you can be patient.

I am a loyal woman. I give a shit. I care.

My splitting episodes are not an indication of who I am as a person - and what I think during isn't a reflection of who you are, either. It's a defense mechanism. It was created to protect me, and now I have to dismantle it.

I can be the most loyal, patient woman out there.

But I need to know that there's something to be patient for.

I want to get to know you. I want to see who you are. I want to know about your dreams, your life, and your feelings. I care. I'm so fucking curious to see more. I want to see more. But I'm not going to beg. I can't do that to myself. I deserve more.

Am I wasting my time? Or am I hoping that there's something here, despite what everything around me seems to be telling me?

I feel it in my gut that something is there. Idk what, but I want to know.

I'm worth it. I may be emotional. And maybe that's hard to handle. But I think you'd rather me be sensitive and caring than indifferent. Maybe the indifference feels safe, but it isn't going to be healthy.

I may not be in the best place now, but I AM putting in the work.

Should I be patient?

[centrally-unplanned]

No it isn't.

I'm sorry, but you made this up - or well Jezebel writers made it up parroting other writers in a long line and now its on to you. Its mirroring this structural thing where there are more avenues of "being a victim" for women then there are for men, and women are attracted to different things than men. This is real enough, but that reality is not claiming anything near this.

Men cannot cry about their weaknesses on a first date. You know who else can't? Women! Fucking anyone! That is cringe af and a huge red flag that the person in front of you doesn't have their act together. Outside of like specific contexts both partners are expected by society to be put together. Now, a man will forgive more weaknesses in a girl who is hot enough or something, for them its not load bearing to attraction. But its is pretty load bearing for a relationship. People tire out from that level of drama and leave a woman all the time unless they can achieve emotional stability.

Men can definitely admit weaknesses to women, and the vast, vast majority of men will do precisely that in all of their serious relationships. How could they not? They just not talking? This is nonsensical, partners know about their respective lives. You tell partners about past bad exes, feelings of inadequacy, parental trauma, etc. Hell, "emo trauma baby", "I can fix him" is literally a popular male sexual archetype!

Now it is true that a guy frequently being less confident and mopey, etc, is more unattractive than a girl doing it. Its still unattractive for a girl most of the time but its more forgivable. And I don't even object to someone hating on that double standard, its reality but sure (culture finding men "hard" crying awkward is a dumb one for example). But you can't say that this is "shameful for a man to admit to weakness or vulnerability", that is not the same thing at all. I can casually do that not even dating, a simple comment about how I am bad at X, or totally vulnerable to family trauma Y, as part of a relevant convo amoung friends and it isn't shameful.

It is true that women, again on average, are attracted to men who "take care" of them. But admitting to weakness doesn't contradict that at all. Wallowing is, but you can be emotionally open without being whiny and be "masculine" in your actions around their problems. Women (like men, this is pretty universal) also like being emotionally valuable in "fixing" the needs of their partner, its literally weakness-based.

People just constantly conflate all this stuff and project individual experiences around it - men take advantage of women's vulnerabilities all the time, that doesn't make it a gender role. Some people are just assholes. What else is going on is that men tend to not feel comfortable expressing emotion. This has many causes - one is that male friendships are (again, averages here) different and less expressive so they get less practice. Another part is that dating is very hard for men emotionally because of the inequality, it makes men feel performative. In a certain sense this is "society", sure, its the society we build in our mind, the instantiated "third person" every judging us. But that isn't in a way composed of polling numbers of average responses. Its in your mind. It does not have to reflect the real consequences of a given action.

And the fucking twitter threads performatively dunking on this or that gender as "toxic" or w/e certainly do not reflect reality.