#this isn't the plot? sorry

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

You're just not toxic enough.

[enbyman]

I love how everyone in house md wants to fuck house even though knowing he's the worst human being

[zhukzucraft]

=> Pearl & Co: Ponder the portal

-

Gem: I messaged Mumbo and Skizz but no answer yet. I think we should wait-

Gem: Scar!!

Scar: What? No point in letting it go to waste, am I right?

Pearl: Hey whoa whoa whoa

Pearl: Let's hold our horses

Pearl: Why- why do we even need to go to the Nether, anyway?

Scar: Isn't the Enchanting Table there this time, Grian?

Grian: A-yup.

Grian: It's just plopped in a Bastion in there. 'Cause why not.

Scar: Ancient City is a hard act to follow, huh?

Grian: Eh, it works as long as nobody gets access to enchantments too early.

Gem: You don't say! Then maybe WE shouldn't be going there so soon, huh Grian?

Grian: Don't tell me that GeminiSlay is scared of some little piggies!

Grian: I fully expect you to carry, by the by.

Gem: UGH.

Pearl: Come on guys, let's at least wait for Skizz and Mumbo to come back!

Scar: Nooo, you never know who's trying to beat us to it. Those rapscallions could be closing in on the magic table as we speak!

Pearl: :(

=> Pearl & Co: Be Martyn

Start Over -- Go Back

The submission time is now over! See you back in this POV after a couple of posts!

(outdated part below preserved for posterity)

================================================

It's time for another

What Will You Do?

this time addressed to the whole group!

Should they jump right in? Should they wait? Should they do a dance-off? You can suggest actions and arguments for any of the 4 characters, or all of them at once!

Please submit your suggestions as replies to this post, or at this channel in our discord (LINK), or if all else fails - directly to my askbox. This event will last for 3 DAYS, until next Wednesday.

Also - next update we'll be checking in with the POV vote winner, Martyn!

[soul-wanderer]

Juliette being openly unhappy with Nat's (lack of) character development

Simone voicing her feelings about the lack of transparency and information regarding the fate of her character and about being kept in the dark about the filming schedule

Lauren (and Tawny) being surprised/unhappy/blindsided by Van's sudden death

Melanie being unhappy about Simone suddenly being written off AND speaking out about the fact that she requested knowing her character's timeline and being vocal about the fact that she's been kept in the dark about it past season 3 and that the writers don't fucking know where they're going with the story

And people still defending the writers and the plot, despite well established actresses dropping "hints" left and right that something is going really fucking wrong behind the scenes is absolutely insane to me 😭

[adhdo5]

An incomplete list of things LXC daydreamed about while holed up somewhere hiding from the Wen in occupied Yunmeng with nothing better to do and it's the most unstable and terrifying experience of his life but at least his rescuer is life-changingly hot

Kissing Meng Yao under the moonlight. Obviously

Calling him a-Yao. Also obviously

Showing Meng Yao around a fine and normal Cloud Recesses

Someone from the Cloud Recesses showing up and LXC introducing them to his wonderful rescuer

Nie Mingjue showing up and LXC introducing him to his wonderful rescuer

Mentally replaying the time Meng Yao held his hand for 37 full seconds and the expression MY was wearing about being allowed to

Meng Yao holding his hand forever maybe?

Meng Yao's lips have been a bit dry with the cold lately and he licked them the other day and LXC has been thinking since about what would happen if he'd been like Hhey can I t;ake care o fthat for yuo

"Meng-gongzi, I... I've never been at someone's mercy like this before..." "Don't worry. I'll be gentle ^_^"

Meng Yao's beautiful dazzling mind means he manages to get some vital information abt the Wen troop movements and this wins them the war and he's legitimized and it's awesome and some idiot says MY would be nothing without LXC's vouch and LXC goes You have it the wrong way around... I would be nothing without him 💗 and then the entire bus claps and cheers for MY yayyyy ☺️

Hearing out Meng Yao's miseries and reassuring him and holding him gently. Meng Yao of course tries to bear it alone and with grace but Lan Xichen is honored to hear out Meng Yao's woes and be of any sort of help he can... 🥺

"Ah... you've... found a conveniently remote and/or insulated space that one could theoretically play a musical instrument in without alerting unwanted attention...? Would Meng-gongzi mind terribly if Xichen played a song for him....? :looks at you with my sopping wet romantic eyes:..."

Seeing Meng Yao's wrists

Seeing Meng Yao's collarbones

Seeing Meng Yao's... well... let's just say...

"[coughs weakly] Please, Meng-gongzi... it isn't your fault... it's only by your kindness I survived as long as I did... Meng-gongzi, the qiankun bags in my effects are the remains of the Cloud Recesses library... you must return them to Gusu when it is safe... tell my didi... tell Wangji I believe in him and I'm sorry..."

Actually saying something abt the Cloud Recesses and how fucked up scared he is right now and having Meng Yao actually comfort him. Which is of course the most shameful daydream of all.

"Meng-gongzi, with such news of the Cloud Recesses... I... I'm afraid I have nothing to repay your kindness with... whatever shall I do... all I can offer you to settle my debt is..... my body.........."

Just straight up unvarnished contextless sex. It's been a minute and he is tired and miserable and scared and horny they can't all have plots

[canisalbus]

Man now I'm thinking of like. You know that one lady who made a marble gravestone of her and her wife embracing because they couldn't get married legally at the time or something? Just that but your boys because I was thinking sbout how you draw fabric and characters interacting, how you mentioned there was supposed to be a bad ending or something for your plot, and then The Laws Of That Time

(I keep missing all the plot posts somehow lmao really gotta check it all out)

I find myself thinking of this a lot:

[chiarrara]

new itfskg based on a hc post i saw on here in my fugue state rbing last night i'll add a screenshot or link or smth later maybe idk. okay so baskially how it goes:

megumi and nobara both have a crush on yuuji. this is especially hard for nobara bc she spent the whole first let's say year of their friendship being extremely vocal about how she'd never be into either of them but oops! she got too comfy and caught feelings

nobara eventually breaks down and goes to fushiguro to lament her plight and ask for advice. she's dramatically revealing the source of her suffering when his face gives him away (a big ol "oh no" written on his forehead) (N: what's that face? M: what face... N: oh my god... do you like him too???) (Megumi doesn't say shit cause he's a repressed loser embarrassed of having feelings)

Turns out meg's had a crush on yuuji basically since he met him. he didn't realize it at first of course cause he's way too good at lying to himself. not that good though. he's been silently fostering a deep deep crush for months.

having learned all this, for the next few weeks, nobara starts visiting fushiguro in his dorm anytime she's too overwhelmed by annoying feelings, or pulling him aside during downtime to let off steam, sharing knowing glances and silent communications across rooms. megu's surprisingly glad to have someone to confide in, especially in a way where he's not the center of attention. Since they're both pathetic losers with a crush, he finds it's easier to talk about his feelings than with anything before.

regularly commiserating about how down bad they both are leads nobara and megumi to spend more time separated from yuuji. it's really good for their friendship actually. previously they were both a bit closer to yuuji than to each other, but having a crush to bond over gives them a lot to talk about. yuuji does notice they're spending more time together. and without him. wonder how he feels about that..

one night, nobara barges into megumi's room to complain about yuuji being way too cute and funny at dinner or something while megumi's laying in bed reading. she just plops down half on top of him and starts in. He reluctantly puts his book down but he doesn't object. they've gotten pretty used to each other. so she's going off, grumbling into his shoulder, gripping his sweatshirt out of frustration, and when she looks up, fushiguro looks down at her. their faces less than a foot apart as she's leaning into him, lying together in his bed and...

N: what's that face

M: what face?

he looks away. nobara turns his face back to hers

N: that face

M: (without breaking *very intense* eye contact) I dont' know what you're talking about

they make out

it's very much teenagers with a lot of pent up energy that needs to go somewhere fooling around like teenagers with pent up energy that needs to go somewhere. they kind of crash together, they're grabbing at arms and shoulders and faces, pulling each other as close as they can without ever breaking the kiss. At one point, nobara in readjusting to keep from falling off the bed ends up on top of megumi, knees on either side of his hips, one hand propping herself up and one gripped in the fabric of his sweatshirt. he pulls her into him and rolls them over so they're chest to chest with him on top. he's pushes his hands into her hair, she wraps her arms around his back and twists her leg around h--

two knocks and the door opens

"Hey Fushiguro, I wanted to see if you..."

Yuuji's halfway through the doorway and his face is morphing into the picture of absolute despair

megumi and nobara are...like this

(they're not naked, they're just microsoft paint stick people)

"Oh, I'm sorry... I didn't mean to... I'll just..." Yuuji sputters and stumbles out the door.

(simultaneously) M: Shit.. N: Fuck!

so the mood's kiiinda dead.... megumi ends up leaned up against the wall with his head in his hands. nobara's staring blankly at the ceiling. Eventually, nobara says, "did you see his face?" M: "mm" N: "so...which one of us do you think he likes?"

---END OF PART ONE---

(I'll continue it in like... 5 minutes probably)

[forever-and-whats-left]

Vroom vroom here comes a stupid poto analysisssssss. Once more I've run into that plot point where they point out "Would you have loved him if he were an ordinary man?"

IDK DUDE.

Her silence is important because it says a lot more than whatever else words would. She doesn't hate him, she is disgusted by him. That is what is clearly stated. But more broadly, who the fuck would Erik be if he WERE ordinary? His name wouldn't even BE Erik. Would he still be so into music? Would they have met? Would Erik even have spent the time to develop her singing skills because, let's be honest, the whole "dead" father bit definitely made her more open to manipulation? So whenever people say, "It's her saying she's in love with him" I feel like people are missing the big picture, because, the WHOLE theme of the book is how we treat those who are "different". Literally. The end of the book has a monologue about questioning whether we should pity Erik. (and the answer is a lot more complicated than a simple yes or no).

SO. IDK. MAYBE???

[sage-nebula]

What's funny is that Friede isn't even haunting the narrative, because the narrative never fucking mentions him.

[godlygivenanxiety]

y'know what i want in a jilco fanfic? i want jinx to try and be powder again for her sister, to even try and be civil with ekko(somewhere along s1).

i want to see that because i know it wouldn't work.

there's not much to do that would make them ever forget the things she has done, it would forever be silently weighting on their conscience; jinx would mention something about having designed some kind of tech for silco and they would wince, they would make concerned faces at her ideas or bombs, vi would've to convince ekko of jinx not meaning malice when she loses her temper or explodes something in loud arguments.

even if silco didn't fight through hell and back to 'rescue' her, jinx isn't what vi or ekko want her to be and it would only make jinx hate herself more and more, until she either left and silco had to find her somewhere in zaun or they fucked up massively by triggering her so bad(something that vi did do in canon) that she does something as unforgivable as the council attack.

either way, she would find her comfort in silco as she has always done meanwhile silco can finally embrace her tight and let himself admit to her that he was so close of losing it without her near. and it would be such a powerful reunion for the both of them *sighs*

[coyotecrumb]

and when chigiri sees who's been locked off and takes a look at whatever expression reo is making the "oh im going to kill myself" resonating through his head will be the shot heard round the world

[hilacopter]

I will probably be burned at the stake for this but I hate how popular ships in fandoms (ESPECIALLY here) are always based on WhO'S tHe MOsT QuEeRCoDEd iN CanOn and not on whether the ship is actually. good. I won't deny that a lot of these popular ships are good and it would be fine if they didn't become the literal fanon norm and every time someone has other ships for the characters or god forbid, doesn't like the ship, everyone goes "we totally respect your opinion and all but they're literally so gay how can you not see how gay they are you dumbfuck-"

[lilchaoswitch]

I wish dating Sim games/otome games or whatever were gender neutral or you got the ability to choose your pronouns like in The Arcana :( I know gay guys who play dating sims is a small demographic but please please pleasepleaseplease just let me pick my pronouns so I can immerse myself in the Anime Men Romance Simulator without feeling dysphoric 🥲

[imogen-eye]

Aaaaand there we go ! Perfect. Fool! How do I look~

...oh, you look different.

Hm? To what?

... how you used to. I mean. It's not bad, you look nice and all. But-

oh? You look very different too. So let's not lecture me , ok?

..yes, sorry. you look nice. Where are you going?

where ever I want ! I'm very excited to see what it was you valued so much about the 'outside world' and all! ... can you, write down the directions to the theatre please?

oh! Of course, look at you, asking for help and all. How very unlike you. I was feeling ever so kind, so I left you some more comfortable clothes in your dressing room.

...oh? Thank you.

Mhm~, well! I am off ! I redecorated just for you, I'm sure you're going to love it. I'll be back soon, don't get too busy.

...

[ outside . ]

... Hm. So I finally get to see it. ...

Where did I put my mask.

[ inside . ]

..... holy shit. Immi?

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s5 episode 2 "redux, part 2" thoughts

i wrote the following episode writeup two days ago, and still, there is so much to process. but let past me take over as we begin our adventure into some DELICIOUS angst with a happy ending content:

i wasn’t going to watch this episode tonight because i am feeling tired and sick, but then i scrolled down a little bit and read some of the next episode’s descriptions, and boy. i want answers. which i will not receive if i do not watch the episodes prior to them. so. here we are.

i’ve also heard that this episode is really good, so i’m excited to dive in, even if i have a headache while watching it. usually i try to preserve my watching experiences for when i don’t feel ill, but sometimes you just have to push through it.

(it WAS really really REAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY GOOD. my sickness was not fixed but some other part of me was)

okay. the description... mulder is looking for a cure and the FBI snitch. and he receives help from an unlikely source…. is it krycek??? let us see

(it was not krycek)

we begin with the recap, and again, the combination of skinner’s gruff “call a doctor” while holding scully's limp body and mulder’s defeated face at hearing the vial just has water in it is crazy 

mulder is at the hospital at 5 am!!! he’s looking for scully :( no one is helping him!! he is getting maaaaad omg

“i’ll calm down when i have a REASON TO CALM DOWN!!”<- OHHHH he is always going to cause a scene in a hospital. someone please pair up this scene with one breath to make a nice matching gifset thank you <3

the doctor wants to know who tf he is when skinner comes out of the room!!! OH FUCK, I FORGOT SKINNER THOUGHT HE WAS DEAD LMAOOOO “you move pretty good for a dead man” <- well yes he does! 

“i’m only half dead” now what do you mean by that… is he saying that without scully he is only half alive.......

oh skinner is PISSED! he is following him into scully’s room… please save the fighting for when she is not trying to get rest, thank you very much

oh my GOD, mulder sees her in the room and he literally has to put his hands on his knees and breath, and he cannot do it… holy fuck… he asks skinner what happened, and when he doesn’t answer right away he asks “DUE TO WHAT?” again, and skinner has to say she’s dying

(i immediately hit replay to watch him collapsing in on himself and gasping for air again. pain. pain and angst. feels good. like pressing into a bruise)

SKINNER AND MULDER START FIGHTING???? throwing hands. “don’t make me put you under arrest. DON’T” <- this is escalating. very quickly. we haven’t even had the intro yet. holy fuck.

(my skinner and mulder angst heart is deeply satisfied)

oh my god… how he’s watching her through the window……………..

the intro was cut short, but i expected this 

ohhhh no, mulder is here before section chief blevins… he’s in troooOOooOouble!!!

“the fact of you being here alive, it gives the effect of shaping this investigation into something altogether different” <- well yeah. that is very much the case. let's all state the obvious together.

blevins and the squad seem to be surprisingly patient with him as they explain they need to know who the real dead guy found in his apartment was. they say, well, you know, this is going to be a murder charge. so please say something to help yourself out here. and he says idgaf bye <- LEGENDARY!!!

ohhh skinner is following him out… skinner says he has been withholding evidence. he knows mulder shot the guy, killed him, then shot him again to hide his identity!!!! woahhhh!!! this is huge!!!!

skinner tells him to admit why scully lied on his behalf, and he says that her disease was given to her by someone at the FBI. he takes a moment to process that, then asks who, and there is a whole lotta guilt in mulder’s reply: “i failed to find that out, sir” <- NOOOOOOO i’m sad :(

oh mulder, and your intrinsic, ancient guilt.......

“you don’t want to forget who your friends are, agent mulder- to remember who you can trust” <- oh my god oh my gooooood. you KNOW i am a SUCKER for the whole mulder/scully and skinner dynamic, and he knows that skinner made the deal with the devil for him but scully doesn’t know that and she doesn’t trust skinner and oh my goooosh

mulder nods, while skinner watches him leave. i hope he has taken this talk to heart.

section chief blevins is at the racetrack again with CSM?? and he’s watching senator kennedy speak about human cloning. which seems random. how is he even watching that while at the racetrack? they didn't have ipads

CSM points out he said mulder’s not to be underestimated <- haha yeah THAT’S my boy!! 

ohhhh, but blevins knows CSM let him escape…. and CSM isn’t alarmed by this! he’s all smirky, even as blevins says their FBI man has been exposed.

“mulder’s in trouble. he needs help. we can give it to him” “in exchange for?” “his new loyalty. to us” <- WOAHHHH

some dude was behind blevins the whole time and he says “you can proceed now” so is he off to go get mulder???!?!?!

scully is waking up!! OHHHH look at his smile when he sees her…. oh somebody kill me. he loves her SO much

(author's note: tearing up just thinking about this as i make these notes readable. goddddddddd)

she’s so worried that someone is going to see him, but OH MY GOD he grabs her hand, sits on the bed, tells her it’s okay, and kisses her cheek “i’m officially among the undead” <- WAAAAAAAAAH I LOVE HIM

(and while in the moment this only inspired the deepest of affection, i now find myself thinking of a vampire au, and who would be the vampire... but let's get back on track)

she asks what happened, and he says he didn’t come there to talk about that <- YEAH THAT IS WHAT I WANTED TO HEAR!!! you tell her not to worry sweet girl

but she won’t take it, says he doesn’t need to protect her!!! and that is just like her, to die arguing. so he fesses up that he will have to testify everything that he knows 

he does NOT want her to worry oh my god “it doesn’t matter” “yes it does” (gently) “hey scully, how about those yankees?”<- OHHHH MY GOD i cannot stop saying oh my god, but what even is there else to say?

i just. he loves her so much. he wants her to relax and be calm and be okay even when she would never let that happen in a million years. and the fact that she is worried about HIM while she is literally dying… bro. i’m emo.

scully is trying to warn him that skinner is the mole, and he’s touching her face, saying no, it’s not him, and oh, i’m melting. my heart is melting. 

WOAH WHAT??? she is saying to tell the committe he has to testify before that SHE KILLED THAT GUY??? to keep him safe???

he smiles and shakes his head, saying he can’t do that, but she responds with “mulder, if i can save you, let me” oh my god???

“let me give at least some meaning to what’s happened to me” <- OH MY GOD??????? no no no no no no no. 

(the implications here... trying to find meaning... nobility in sacrifice... the religious imagery it inspires....... we need to unpack this at length someday)

OH enter maggie and bill scully, watching as mulder sits on her bed holding her hand, smiling like the dutiful son-in-law he appears to be, which is especially crazy, when you consider the whole “and where has this mulder guy been” thing bill had going on when we last saw him. but mulder says he was just on his way out. 

AND he kisses her hands as he leaves… the tenderness which i feel towards this man is so sensitive and indescribable

and oh my god, mulder introduces himself to bill. he says he’s sorry about his sister… but bill has something else to say- WHAT IS IT??

“mr. mulder… i know something about you, about what dana’s been through with you, so… let’s leave the work away from here, okay? let her die with dignity” <- OH MY GOD????? WHAT THE FUCK???????

bill you literally SUCK what the HELL?? you don’t know ANYTHING about what they have been through!!! 

he looks like he was just slapped :( and bill goes in and holds her hand while mulder is there just standing opened mouthed, unable to believe what he just heard :(

what the fuck.

bill count ur days.

so now the guy from the racetrack that was with blevins seems to be on the loose with a sniper gun!!

ohhhh, mulder is leaving the hospital when he sees CSM!!!! “please tell me you’re here with severe chest pains” <- JHDJSJDJ okay yes i laughed.

OHHHH he says that the water he got in the facility is essential to scully’s survival???? and that he’s here tonight as a friend?? so they go outside to talk about it… but the sniper, isn’t he loose????

cutscene to the lone gunmen’s headquarters, where mulder is emptying the water vial into a little dish, saying CSM promised him something would be in there. and there is some… thing?? a microchip??

OH! he says that maybe it has to do with when the chip was removed from her neck!! because she got very sick shortly after it was removed!!! woah... that is wild to think about. so maybe if it had stayed in there this wouldn't have happened??? but she would have kept getting abducted because they would have known her location? but earlier someone said it was the procedure that takes their eggs that makes them sick. but how does that involve the alien? who knows. probably not chris carter.

kritschgau is here now; he’s been summoned before the committee

he confesses to giving classified information because he knows what the government is hiding from the people!!!! developing a moral compass late in life

but he denies knowing who killed the guy found dead in mulder's apartment, whose name is scott…

“i’m aware of one connected death, though” <- is he going to say scully???

NO!!! his son, who died that morning!!!!! oh no :( i feel bad now 

he says that part of his work comes from a congressional lobbying firm?? called “roush”. blevins and some other guy exchange looks but skinner asks what it means. and kritschgau says idk. well. me neither 

back in scully’s room, mulder is being yelled at by bill as he tries to explain the microchip from the tube might make her better. maggie seems to want bill to settle down, while scully is staring hard at it.

she says that everyone has their heart in the right place, but it needs to be her call… oh, so diplomatic… and she decides to try it

bill looks like he wants to kill mulder, and mulder tries to dodge his eye contact. it was very emotionally charged.... but also a little bit funny 

so now the sniper guy is back. he’s setting up the rifle, but where???? and to shoot which of our characters???

bill comes out of the hospital room and mulder is working overtime to try and avoid his gaze until he realizes it is impossible.

“see, she’s your big defender, but i think the truth is, she just doesn’t want to disappoint you” <- bro WHAT?? how fucking infantilizing can you be??? just because she’s your little sister doesn’t mean she can’t make her own informed decisions about living and dying??

bill, we are GOING to throw hands at some point 

OHHHHHHHH bill blames MULDER for all of this AND for missy’s death……… again…. not very fair…. scully made her own decisions… but if i were bill, i might feel the same if it were my family….

ohhh my god this whole exchange needs to be on my blog:

“has it been worth it? to you, i mean, have you found what you’ve been looking for?”

(mulder pauses, before answering in a whisper) “no”

“you know how that makes me feel?”

“in a way, i think i do. i lost someone very close to me- i lost a sister, i lost my father- all because of this thing i’m looking for”

“this what? little green aliens?”

(mulder looks down, before smiling) “yeah. little green aliens”

“you’re one sorry son of a bitch. not a whole lot more to say”

holy FUCK

1. i love a man who loves so unabashedly and so unapologetically. i love a man with his heart on his sleeve, and i love mulder for this reason, even if he is terribly stubborn and often infuriating. look at him. look how dedicated to the truth he is. look at how much he loves her.

and 2. for their own sake, i hope they elope when they get married, but for the sake of pissing bill off, i hope they get married in a traditional fashion, and he has to sit there and watch and regret everything he said when this inevitably saves her life and they get to grow very old and happy together because of his quest for aliens. and then they say their vows and kiss and bill writhes in the knowledge that he is a mean person. that is all. for now. because i will probably have more to say later.

fuck you bill. all my friends hate bill. 

mulder's phone rings… he answers it, saying “one sorry son of a bitch speaking” and it’s CSM??? asking how’s our patient? well. i guess he can take some credit here for the potential recovery, but “our” feels strong.

he says he’s arranged a meeting he will want to attend??? hmm. hmmmmm. hmmmmm. much to ponder here. mulder do NOT make any deals, CSM is a NASTY FUGLY SLUT!!

so mulder’s sitting in a diner, sipping coffee, when someone pulls into the parking lot??? it’s CSM himself. 

WITH THE CLONE SAMANTHA FROM BEFORE???

“you know 'em or something?” “i think that’s my sister”, he says to the waitress <- WHAT??

obviously though, he realizes it’s the fake samantha, right? like this trick won’t work on him twice... right?

she looks at CSM and says “my father” <- HUH??

nah, i do not believe it’s her at all. she says she was frightened, and she tried to forget everything from that night. she was told she was going to see her father. and CSM said basically that she was an affair baby and he's the bio dad. and he took her in and was so kind.

nah. i’m not buying it at all….

but mulder is crying……….. he’s had a rough go of it though these past few days, okay?!?!?! so don't be mean to him for believing what HAS to be an obvious lie

he tries to explain that CSM is probably lying to her about many, many things, because he has obviously known mulder’s whereabouts for a very long time, and has never told her

he says that she should come see their mom… but she says she can’t do it, she needs time, she has children of their own, and she won’t tell him where to find her. I DON’T BUY IT i’m glad she left before her mom could see her, because she doesn’t deserve that heartbreak AGAIN.

he assures her they will reunite on her time and he lets her go. even though he very much does not want to. which is a lot for his character. how he lets go of the iron grip he had on her arm...

i wonder if he doesn't believe it, deep down.

she says she’ll think about it, and she leaves, getting into the car with CSM. mulder is utterly gagged. 

hmm. HMMM. CSM is trying HARD to get him to pledge to the dark side. but will the same tricks work again???

meanwhile, scully is being injected with something. but she looks so sad as her doctor doesn’t seem hopeful. 

she asks if he’s ever seen a miracle, and he says he’s seen recovery from the brink, but he won’t dare call them that

sniper guy?????? has his rife aimed at CSM??? or mulder??? or both???? because they are standing next to each other

they’re meeting up. “you give me these things- the only things i’ve ever wanted- and i can’t think of any reason for you to do so” <- HE’S LYING ABOUT THE SAMANTHA STUFF, HE HAS TO BE. WE SAW A WHOLE CLONE ARMY OF PEOPLE WITH THAT FACE. IT CANNOT REALLY BE YOUR SAMANTHA, MULDER.

but he says he will offer him the truth, about the project. mulder says he knows the truth. CSM fires back that kritschgau was the one lying!!! 

“in exchange for what?” “quit the FBI, come work for me” <- WOAH he was shockingly forward there. i can kind of admire that. now please say no, mr. mulder. 

AND HE DOES SAY NO!!!!

“what have you given me? a claim of a cure for scully? is she cured?” (oh the way he said that was SO sassy, it felt like a read)

“you show me my sister, only to take her right back” <- again. DID he do that, though?

“you murdered my father. you killed scully’s sister, and if scully dies, i will kill you” TELL HIM BABY!!

“i don’t care whose father you are, i will put you down” OUGHHH GET HIM 

sniper guy puts his gun away when mulder leaves!!! so must be it’s mulder he’s after!!!

cut to scully cam… it’s her mom!! she called to see her and gives her a big hug.

“i fight, and i fight and i fight… but i’ve been so stupid” hey what do you mean. hey sweetheart what do you MEAN by that.

OH she is having a crisis of faith…. she feels guilty for being closed off to father mccue. ohhhh....... is the blaming herself for being too scared to turn to god??

she tells maggie she has no improvement, and they hug and they cry; “i know you’re afraid', maggie says, "i know you’re afraid to tell me, but you have to tell someone”

blevins is watching more press about human cloning. is that why they do these experiments with the women? for cloning purposes? is that what i am supposed to believe from this?

blevins calls someone, and sees skinner in the background of the hearings on cloning… now what is he doing there. blevins says their colleague was supposed to fix the FBI problem, and then he will fix it for good… is he talking about the sniper?????

back to scully’s room, where she is sleeping, and mulder is entering. he’s watching her sleep, then laying his head next to her and SOBBING. WHYYYYY???? OHHHHH....... he couldn't bear to wake her up. someone please hit me with a hammer.

then he is here at a meeting with blevins, who says something urgent has arrived. it’s the analysis that shows he fired the shot into the dead guy!!! from an undisclosed source!!! and unless he offers someone else up, all evidence points to him being the killer!!

is he bluffing??? did skinner sell him out?? no, that cannot be it...

blevins claims that scully was going to name skinner as the mole, and that they have found substantial evidence against him, which mulder refuses to believe. well… he is A mole, but not THE or THIS mole!!!

he’s basically saying name skinner and you walk free????? mulder doesn’t answer, just says he’ll see blevins at the hearing. verrrrry shady

he goes back to scully, who asks why he’s here, he has a hearing!! this has never stopped him in the past. and he confesses to having stopped by last night, but not having the heart to wake her up :( she’s asking why…

he says he was going to take the deal with CSM, but changed his mind after blevins tried to get him to implicate skinner!!!

(skinner being his grounding force to returning to his sense of morality... no no no it's fine i'm definitely super cool about that)

scully offers again to take the blame, but he refuses, saying he couldn’t do that to her family or live that lie (the truth motif)

“we all have our faith… and mine is in the truth” <- YESSSSS the comparison to religion in his dedication… everyone has been saying and observing it for the past 4 seasons, but now HE has!!! 

“then why’d you come here if you’d already made up your mind?” (laughing) “because i knew you’d talk me out of it if i was making a mistake” <- OHHHH to be known is to be loved…. <3

and father mccue walks in right then!! she says “you’ll be in my prayers” and he kisses her cheek, saying “have the father say a few hail mulders for me, okay?” <- LMAOOO AWWWWW BABY

she’s crying as father mccue walks in and mulder walks out…

and her honesty in telling him that she will pray for him, after running from her own belief for so long; it was as if she thought praying would be a declaration of weakness, and maybe it is, to submit yourself to something higher, to ask for a mercy you cannot earn... but she is going to, and not only for herself on the brink of death, but for her best friend who is going through his own turmoil..... oh scully........

now for the hearing. he's late! fashionably so!

they’re setting the stage- we know that man was killed with your weapon- and mulder says he wants to set the record straight.

skinner asks for a break??? but mulder says he’s ready to proceed….. oooo what are they each getting at…. skinner looks stressed af

he says he was assigned to work with scully, who he thinks was to spy on him…

“that agent scully did not follow these orders is a testament to her integrity as an investigator, a scientist, and a human being” <- YESSS 🔥that is my girl who is motivated by the eternal burden of doing the Morally Correct Thing :,)

he’s explaining that she lied about his death because he asked her to, because she was a victim of the grand conspiracy that is killing her (this is cut with footage of the sniper looking at CSM through the scope of his rifle, and scully praying with father mccue)

he’s saying he will name the people responsible for this tonight!!! but they just want to know if he shot scott!!!! it's getting more and more tense and loud, before we boil over to a yell:

“i can’t do that sir, because the section chief is the man i’m about to name!” (murmuring) <- OHHHHHHHHHH HE DROPPED A BOMBSHELL ON THE VILLA

(we enter slo mo) (sniper fires at CSM) (blevins is shot by some other guy, who puts the pistol in his dead hand) (CSM lays on the floor, bloody, holding the picture of baby mulder and samantha)

DID CSM JUST DIE????? i refuse to believe it. that bitch can’t be killed……. nope nope no way. unless i see his corpse (NOT his headstone or his funeral, his actual CORPSE) i shan’t buy it.

so much just happened????

the next morning, skinner is with mulder at the hospital. who, as if just hearing me, tells mulder that CSM is dead, shot holding the photo of him and samantha

NO BODY WAS FOUND??? but it was too much blood loss for anyone to have survived. so someone took the body?? OR someone brought extra blood to dump on the ground and fake a death!!! makes you think!!

mulder claims he just guessed it was blevins behind it all- do i believe it? or do you think it was his years of solving crimes that allowed him to pick up on it subconsciously? i'm going with that interpretation

and blevins had been on roush’s payroll for four years!!! a biotechnology company!!! for cloning??? for aliens?? and of course all connections are now being erased.

BUT NOT EVERYTHING…. SCULLY’S IN REMISSION!!! skinner is shocked and mulder says it’s the best news he’s ever heard 😭🥺 my BABY

when skinner asks what turned it around, he says he doesn’t know, and they’ll never know…

oh my god, i love that their beliefs combined to cure her… his obsession with the Truth and her literal coming to God, and which of them was actually responsible is entirely impossible to tell. oh i actually LOVE THAT SO FUCKING MUCH. RAHHHHHH THAT IS SO POETIC. their guiding forces in life, and we have no way of knowing which is responsible for her life being saved. but it happened.

and skinner wants to see her!!!! leaving mulder to hold the bloody photograph of his baby self… and he’s crying… it’s been a very long few days for him 

oh my god… i need some time to think on this all….

so, 2 days have passed since i watched this episode, and i still have SO many emotions. in no particular order, some things i am dwelling on: bill's cruelty to mulder; mulder smiling as he held scully's hand, trying to distract her; him unable to hold himself up as he sees her in the hospital room; skinner telling mulder to know who his friends are; skinner trying to pause the meeting before it even began so he could offer some sort of advice to mulder; scully crying into her mom's arms, surrendering to god; scully, who knows that mulder is not a believer, and has ridiculed her for being so in the past, telling him that she will pray for him; scully worrying about him when she is the one who is dying; scully reclaiming her agency when she decides that she wants to use the microchip; mulder saying that her remission is the best news he could ever have possibly heard; and skinner going in to see her while she was still surrounded by her family

WAAHHHHHHHHHH

so. a lot on my mind. a very, very, very good episode. i thought the blevins reveal kinda came out of nowhere since he has mostly been a set piece rather than a real character, but honestly, that wasn't the heart of the matter here, so we can disregard it.

i'm not sure how i feel about the potential samantha reintroduction. actually, i do know how i feel: i just didn't much care for it. frankly, i just don't buy it at all, and it felt like a lot to cram into one episode, especially since they've used the whole "is it really her?" plot point before. so it felt like a bit much on top of the already incredibly high emotional stakes.

but other than these thoughts, the episode was fantastic. finally, we get something happy! the potential end of scully's illness! mulder and skinner basking in her presence as she recovers!! her surrender to the omnipotent! his surrender to the truth, but not at the extent of his morals!!! everyone is so happy and the wedding is tomorrow!! i will see you there!!!

(what did you think?? did you like this one as much as i did?? did any moments make you tear up?? anything you noticed that i missed? please tell me!!! i'm really excited and want to chat on the subject :D)

[eri-pl]

wait was anyone (eg the guy doing the lecture series) going to tell me Boethius was proclaimed a saint or was I meant to learn that from Wikipedia

yea apparently I was meant to learn it from wikipedia

anyway now to the proper post that I intended to write

So I am having a quite niche problem (ok maybe it's not a problem. a question to ponder at least). So. "The consolation of philosophy". Is very cool. But Lady Philosophy has a particular vibe that … idk why but I feel a strong urge to assign this vibe to one of the Ainur, ideally one of the Valar and initially I thought Nienna, but no.

She (Philosophy) had this almost-agressive anti-despair "stop talking bs" attitude that reminds me of Gandalf. But also at some points she's like "You ask why bad things happen to good people? The answer is simple: they don't." and he would not say that. And yea, Nienna very much would not say that.

I can imagine Námo (esp with his relationship to time*) being like "No, I've never seen bad things happen to good people, you're simply mistaken" and generally going a similar route of argumentation. But I already have a strong HC for his personality. But also, it may fit together… I need to rotate it more in my brain.

(To be clear: she's not being cruel or very dismissive. There's some context. But she is being a little, how to call that, Gandalf-like. Snarky? A little bit.)

BTW I can absolutely see pre-Exile Finrod unironically claiming that suffering is an illusion etc (but in a very compassionate way) and driving his half-uncle into a rage by this.

(oh and ofc the text has soo much Númenorean vibes, I mean the Faithful in late Númenor. I'm surprised that I haven't thought of this earlier but... if we change Plato and similar guys to some Elves and change the geographical names and maaaybe some astronomical details (round earth) and make the personifications ambigiously "maybe I imagined it maybe it was a Maia" etc... without any change to the theology I can see it as a text originating in there. and I'm sure Tolkien would agree. Like… It removes exactly the right amount--- I know it was because he wanted it to make sense to the pagan Greeks--- anyway aaaargh I will simply HC it there it fits so very very well)

edit: I found the video that made me rant on the philosophers&Greeks, & probably on Boethius for choice of words. (It's in Polish)