#this isn't pointed at any band in particular

[gemstarstarlight]

Why is it that bands that start out writing about life and dreams and stuff inevitably. Inevitably. Hit their twenties and suddenly discover sex and romance. And then that’s all they write about.

Why.

[thatonebabybat]

Being Masc & Goth

This blog usually isn't fashion-focused, but I was thinking about alt fashion and how it's sometimes a struggle to figure out how to style things in a masc way if you're interested in darkalt fashion, but you don't want to go too casual or basic with it. So I thought I'd throw together some tips, link some DIYs, and maybe throw in a few moodboards. I want to preface this with one thing: You do NOT have to adhere to traditional gender roles. Fuck anyone who tells you that you do. If you're a guy and you want to get into alt fashion don't let anyone tell you that you can't pull off a skirt or a dress or a strappy top. Literally the whole point of being alt is Doing Whatever The Hell You Want Forever. However, not everyone feels comfortable in that (I made this post because I'm transmasc and sometimes the long gothic dresses make me dysphoric), and not everyone is safe to do that ( as much as it sucks ass, if you live in a conservative area sometimes it can be genuinely dangerous for guys to wear makeup and dresses in public, and your safety should always come first), so I thought I'd lay out some tips on how to dress alt and masc from my own experience. I'm still learning so feel free to leave your own advice in the replies or reblogs! General Styling Tips: - Jackets. Jackets, jackets, jackets. Something about a big jacket always seems to give an outfit a more masc energy, and adding a cool jacket to an outfit can be a great way to elevate it and add some extra visual interest. I like black blazers, leather jackets, and black denim jackets in particular, but vests (formal menswear ones or more casual denim or leather ones) can work well too, especially in hot weather. - Any basic black pair of jeans will look 100x more alt if you loosely attach some chains to the pockets or belt loops. Also, pants with wider legs tend to look more masc than tighter fits. not sure why. Slacks can also be a really good and underrated option. - If you want to find good headwear, cool sunglasses have never failed me. You may be able to take some inspiration from Ouji fashion as well, but that's just my personal taste. - If you have a basic piece around, you can add pins, patches, safety pins, etc for a more casual look, or if you're going for something more formal, trims and lace details and embroidery can really add interest and elegance to it. (if you can't sew, you can order iron-on embroidered patches online or find them in craft stores that'll do the trick just fine.) This can take your pair of slacks or plain black blazer and turn it into a piece of formal gothic menswear you can make a staple of your wardrobe. - Find inspiration in your favorite goth artists. There's a lot of really cool goth music out there and a lot of those bands get really innovative with their looks! Figure out what you like about their style and try incorporating a few things in, it's fun! - If you have an alt wardrobe already but it just seems like something's missing or it could use some interest, try switching up the silhouettes or adding an extra layer! Seriously, don't be scared of playing with textures and sleeve shapes! I see a lot of dudes who just wear a band tee and a pair of jeans all the time, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, that can be a great look! But I think a lot of dudes just genuinely think that that's their only option and that everything else just "wasn't made for them" and that makes me a little sad. shred up some shirts and layer them, wear some bell sleeves, throw some extra safety pins or studs on, have fun! No one said masc fashion couldn't be fun. Unisex/Masc DIY Videos I Found:

... And Some Inspiration!

[These are all goth music artists, I wrote the band/artist names in small text on the images that were not already watermarked for those who are curious]

[scoopsahoy]

whale tail

ぺ  word count ⋰ 1.8k

✰  tw ⋰ none :)

❍  cw ⋰ swearing, sex + fingering, oral (female receiving)

✐  masterlist

⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★

Eddie was convinced you had to be teasing him at this point. The way you swayed your hips when you walked, those too-tight jeans, and the way you touched him nonchalantly when you spoke. It was like you wanted him to jump your bones.

But there was one day in particular that he couldn't get out of his head. He had mentioned wanting to sell some vinyls he didn't listen to, and they just happened to be the bands you loved most. So you begged to come look at what he was discarding, him enthusiastically agreeing — what, with the crush he had on you.

But when you squatted down to dig through the box of records, your underwear poked out above your jeans. The only reason it caught his eye was because they weren't just any regular underwear.

You were wearing a thong.

It wasn't intentional, they just happened to be the only clean underwear you had at the moment.

Eddie didn't breathe for probably a good ten seconds, his eyes locked on the Y shape they created. They were a deep red and had lacy trim, and he wondered how they could possibly be comfortable. He wondered if you wore them for him, if you walked around every day with those panties on.

And the thought of that turned him on a ridiculous amount. Picturing you going to school every single day with the hottest underwear hidden beneath those clothes could've made him bust on its own, but he had to control himself while you were in his room.

You gasped, finding a copy of Rock a Little by Stevie Nicks. You stood up and turned to face him, your whale tail disappearing under your shirt.

"Where did you get this?" you asked, staring at the album cover.

"What, that? A thrift store, I think."

"Do you have any idea how hard I've searched for this?" He shook his head. "I have every single other Stevie album, but I've never been able to find this. It's always sold out." You looked up at him. "And you found it at a thrift store!" He chuckled a bit. "You lucky fucker. How much?"

"It's yours."

"What?"

"Take it. It's yours."

"Come on. I brought money."

"Seriously, just take it. I don't want your money."

You rolled your eyes. "Eddie, don't be ridiculous. The whole point of this was because you wanted to sell these. Let me buy it." You pulled the five dollar bill out of your pocket and stepped over to him, shoving it in his front pants pocket.

He instinctively jerked back a bit after realizing he had a partial boner. You noticed as soon as your fingers went in, and you looked up at him.

"Sorry," he said immediately, walking quickly into the living room. You two were the only ones home, Eddie having said something about his uncle working.

Your eyes were wide and you swallowed the spit in your mouth, following him after a few seconds.

"It's okay," you reassured. "I shouldn't have done that."

"No, it's not your fault."

"I mean, isn't it, kind of?" He furrowed his brows a bit. "I'm not an idiot, Eddie. I could feel you staring at my ass when I was squatting."

"I-I wasn't staring at your ass."

"Then what were you staring at?"

"Uh... I could see your underwear."

"My underwear?" That's when you realized what you were wearing and your cheeks went red. "Oh. Shit, I... I didn't even realize I was wearing those."

"They're pretty," he said awkwardly.

"Uh... thanks. I should, uh, get going." He reached into his pocket and pulled the money back out and tried handing it to you. "For the last time, Munson. Keep it. That's how selling things works." He still looked annoyed, but agreed and laid it down on the coffee table. "I'll see you around school, yeah?"

"Yeah."

And with that, you slipped out of his door and practically sprinted to your car.

—

The next day at school, you were putting your books in your locker when you heard footsteps stop on the other side of the door. You closed it a bit to see Eddie standing there with his arms crossed.

"Hey," you greeted warmly.

"Hi."

"What's up?"

He held your jacket out and you sighed. "You left this at my place."

"Oh, thank you. I completely forgot about it."

"Yeah."

He didn't move after you threw the jacket into your locker.

"Is there something else?"

"I... Yeah, kinda."

"Okay, what is it?"

"I haven't been able to stop thinking about last night."

"What about last night?"

"You know."

You remembered the whale tail, mentally punching yourself.

"Oh. That."

"Yeah. That."

"So what are you asking?"

He looked at you for a minute before choking out, "Come by again tonight." He leaned closer to you, his lips just inches from your ear. "And wear them again."

Without another word, he turned and walked away. You were in a bit of shock, your eyes wide and mouth agape.

So when you found yourself standing outside his trailer, your fist in the air waiting to knock and the same thong underwear on as yesterday, you took a deep breath before connecting your hand with the door.

You didn't even finish knocking before the door whipped open. There stood a smiling Eddie with a beer bottle in his hand.

"Hey," he smirked.

"Hi."

"Come on in." You walked up the few stairs and into the living room, where he came up behind you with another bottle in hand. "Want one?" He put them down on the counter after he asked.

"Oh, no thanks. I don't really drink-"

You were interrupted by his lips against yours. He was gentle but dominant, his hands on your sides. You kissed back and braced yourself on his shoulders.

He turned you around and sat you on the small table to your left, his hips between your thighs.

"This okay?" he asked into your mouth.

"Yes," you breathed.

As you kissed, he reached down and unbuttoned your jeans, looking down to see the thong. He smirked, making eye contact with you.

"You wore 'em."

"You told me to."

"Mm. Good girl. Lift your hips up."

You did as told and leaned back on your hands, lifting your hips into the air to allow him to pull your pants off. He couldn't take his eyes off your body, the thong really complimenting your figure.

You pulled his lips back to yours and felt his fingers creep up your thigh. Once his pointer finger started lightly pressing to your underwear, you broke the kiss.

"Take 'em off me," you commanded, to which he followed. He pulled them off of you with such speed that you couldn't even lift your hips all the way.

Once you were exposed, he dropped to his knees and began kissing your thighs, making sure to look at your face. You bit your lip and whimpered as you watched his mouth inch towards their destination.

And when he buried his face in your pussy, you threw your head back and moaned. You laid back so you were flat against the table, your head hanging off.

He propped your legs on his shoulders and held the tops of your thighs, his tongue working wonders.

"Shit," you whispered, unable to stay still.

Getting you off seemed to be his only objective, watching your body writhe as he ate you out. One of your hands was tangled in his hair, the other hand on his.

Sloppy sounds filled the trailer, and it didn't take long for you to feel yourself going over the edge. But when you finally did, he didn't stop. He didn't even slow down. He continued exactly what he was doing, desperate to give you at least two or three orgasms before his pants even came off.

And when he succeeded the third time, you had to physically push him away. You'd never had more than two at a time, so the third one was almost too much for you.

When you looked down at him, his grinning face was soaked. You couldn't help but giggle as he wiped his chin with his shirt. He stood up and leaned over you, kissing your neck a few times before moving to your mouth.

"Do you have condoms?" you asked a moment later.

He immediately pulled one out of his pocket before undoing his own pants and dropping them to his ankles.

He was thick, and you could tell he was going to stretch you out. He tore open the condom wrapper with his teeth and put it on with ease, his fingers tracing circles around your clit. Your body jerked at the sensation, both of you chuckling.

He pressed the tip of his dick against your entrance, teasing you for a moment.

"Eddie, please."

And with that, he was pushing into you. The sound of your moans filled the room, your back arching.

"That okay?" he asked, looking at you for approval.

"So good."

That was his cue to bottom out, your eyebrows furrowing at his size. He started out thrusting slowly, giving you time to adjust. But his speed soon increased, involuntary moans tumbling from your mouth.

"Fuck, you feel so good," he whined, his grip on your hips only tightening.

"Kiss me, Eddie," you begged, him leaning down and connecting your lips. You could tell this was uncomfortable for him, so he picked you up, still inside of you, and carried you over to the counter. He sat you down and held your head in place to kiss you, continuing to thrust into you.

This position was even more pleasurable, your body flush against his as he fucked you. The hand not on your face was pressed against your lower back, keeping you still.

He was close. He was never this quick to finish. But something about your pussy was magical. You were easily the best fuck he'd had. But he was good at holding off his orgasms for longer sex. And he wanted to please you.

So when he could tell you might be close to another orgasm, he reached down between you two and with his thumb started fingering you.

You couldn't even speak before another one ripped through you, unable to keep yourself from moaning loudly. To quiet you, he kissed you deeply, engulfing every sound that came from your mouth. And feeling you cum around him made him fill the condom, both of you grunting and moaning into each other's mouths.

When he finally stilled his movements, the only sound in the room was that of your out of sync breathing. Your foreheads together, neither of you could move for a moment. He kissed you, you returning it lazily.

"Jesus," he said.

"That was good," you whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Mhm. You're good at that."

"I know." His sarcastic cockiness could only make you chuckle.

Neither of you spoke while you got redressed. You decided to take another look at his records, your thong poking out of your pants again.

"We should do this again sometime," he said as he opened your car door for you.

You leaned against the inside of the door, propping your elbows on it.

"You want to?"

"Absolutely. Do you?"

You smiled. "Absolutely. I'll be back tomorrow."

[plutoswritingplanet]

could you do a request of Buggy (opla) falling for Luffy’s older sister? (Adopted or blood relation, doesn’t matter) like he takes her hostage but she doesn’t seem to mind. She know she can escape at any time, but keep annoying buggy to a point where… he doesn’t see her as a hostage anymore, more like treasure? And she starts to maybe feel something for the clown?

You Started It (Buggy The Clown x Reader)

a/n: how did i know the first request will be about the clown lmao. i took some liberties when writing this but i hope you still like it <3

Warnings: Buggy Being Kind Of An Asshole, Captivity, Some Suggestive Themes

Summary: Poking the bear isn't the wisest things you could be doing in your particular situation.

Part 2.

You've memorized every nook and cranny of your shoes. The time you've spent in containment has really opened your eyes, when it comes to how little you actually knew about the clothes you were wearing. For example, your right shoe was slightly bigger, molded by your foot. You must be putting more weight onto your right leg, when standing. The hem of your shorts is made with a very close cross stitch, making them slightly sturdier and thicker. Right where the material folds, just above your knee, you've managed to pick out a small hole, the strings of abused material hung sadly and tickled your skin.

There wasn't really much to do, while being kept in a cage, in the backstage of a circus which belonged to the infamous Buggy the Clown. Well, except studying the stains on your shoes and waiting for the Captain to visit you, which he did quite frequently.

"Entertainment purposes" is the reason he declared, when you've asked him why on earth is he keeping you locked up in a hanging cage. But you weren't so easily fooled. You knew from the start, that the role he has envisioned for you to play, was that of a Hostage and Bait. So, inevitably, when your younger brother and his merry band of misfits come to save you, he'd be able to even out the score. Which was a shitty plan, in your opinion.

They've kicked his ass before, they can do it once again.

So, that's why you're here, feet dangling above the floor, as you hum to yourself. Anything to pass the time. That is, until you hear the door to the backstage open, and a familiar tone of voice calls out.

"Hostage!"

Really, how did he even expect you to stay in the dark about his plan, while calling you like this? The man was clearly insane.

Buggy the Clown stands before you, makeup disheveled as always, with his Captain's hat abandoned in favor of a striped bandana. He's excited, which is evident, by the way he can't seem to stop moving, jumping from one leg to the other, hands fidgeting at his sides.

"How are you feeling, my dear Hostage?" he asks with fake concern, and just as your mouth opens to answer, he interrupts "Ah, never mind that, I don't care."

You don't even try to hide the annoyed expression on your face.

"You can sing" he states matter-of-factly, pointing a finger right at you.

"Barely."

"Can you dance though?"

"Barely as well."

He hums in thought, pacing the floor in front of your cage. Finally, he stops, looking at you with his head tilted to the side. His eyes rake over your body, and it brings a sudden wave of discomfort to your bones.

"You'll be performing in our next act."

Again, his tone leaves no space for an argument. Still, you were never an agreeable person, smiles were more of your brother's thing. So, you straighten out as much as the cage allows you and cross your arms in front of your chest.

"Do whatever you like, my brother will get me out of here before you can say Welcome to my big show".

"Welcome to my big show" he says immediately, then, raises his finger, as if he's waiting for the entire crew of Strawhats to fall from the sky.

They don't, obviously, and he gives you a pointed look, to which you respond with a roll of your eyes.

"Besides" he turns around and opens one of the chests laid out on the table "Aren't you a bit old to dote on your younger brother so much?"

The question genuinely offends you, and as he pulls out another bandana, this one red, covered entirely with big white polka dots, your eyes glimmer with venom.

"Aren't you a bit old to play dress up?"

He turns in a blink of an eye, and with terror mixed with disgust you watch his hands detach from his body, slamming into the cage. The force of impact sends it flying right into the nearby wall, the back of your head smacks against the metal bars. The swinging of the cage coupled with the stars erupting before your eyelids from the impact make you feel dizzy.

Then, Buggy takes a step towards the cage, connecting his hands with the rest of his body, and your prison stops swinging in an instant.

"I should kill you for that" he says lowly, his blue eyes bearing into your face.

"You started it" you choke out an accusation, trying very hard not to vomit.

He stays completely quiet, just watching you for a long while, his hands slowly loose tension. Then, as if his rage has entirely dissolved, he smiles, teeth completely exposed, as his cheeks crease. God, you'd do such a better job at his make-up, given the chance.

"You're funny, Hostage" he shakes his head, and suddenly, for some unknown reason, it downs upon you, just how close to you, he's standing.

"Sing for me some more" he says.

And then, his hands push back with sufficient force to send your cage flying again. You groan at the movement, another wave of nausea almost making you loose your breakfast. When you finally have the perfect, biting comeback, he's already gone, the door slamming after him. You're alone again.

A sigh escapes your lips, as you press your forehead to the cold metal of the cage. You've already memorized all the details of your own clothes, and the room was too dark to see anything more. So, you start observing the cage. The way the light shifts up and down on the bars, the way the brown paint seems to peel away under your thighs. Then, you look up, towards the place where all the bars have been stuck together.

And then your eyebrows furrow. Because just above the ceiling of the cage, you can see something poking out. Something roughly the size of a fist and colored a pale, fleshy color. You raise yourself slightly in your seat, to get a better look, and immediately regret doing so.

It's an ear. His ear. Detached and placed right on top of the cage. That's how he knows about your singing, the bastard.

An idea brews in your brain, mischief spilling out of your growing smirk. You pull yourself up, until you can reach the top of the cage. Your arm is just slender enough to slip past the bars, and your fingers brush against the cold flesh of the ear. Before Buggy, wherever he is, can react, you snatch the ear from the top of the cage, keeping a tight grip, as it starts to jump in your hand.

Then, you take a deep breath, place the ear close to your lips… And give the most blood-curling, shrill scream you could muster.

Immediately, you hear a string of curses coming your way, and a second later Buggy bursts into the room, a murderous expression on his face. You open your hand, and the ear nearly bursts out of your fingers, flying back to it's owner like some sort of deformed beetle. The sight, for some reason, is so incredibly funny, you can't help but choke out a little giggle. Which soon becomes a quite big giggle, which in turn morphs into a full blown laughter.

You can't see the Captain through the tears of laughter forming in your eyes, so when he knocks on the metal bars of your cage, you nearly choke from surprise. He's looking at you strangely. Not quite as angry as before, but there is something else lurking behind his eyes. As if he's enveloped deeply in his thoughts, but at the same time completely present and focused on you. Your laughter dies down in an instantly, and you reach up to wipe your tears, clearing your throat awkwardly.

"I've captured myself a comedian, huh?" the man leans closer to the bars of the cage, placing his forehead against them and looking at you from below "You trying to take my place as the funniest person in the circus? Hm, Hostage?"

You risk a smirk, leaning down towards him. He watches your movements with a curious expression, eyes darting all over your face.

"Yeah" you whisper "So, you better watch your back."

At that, he smiles one of his brilliantly wide smiles. This one however, seems the most honest out of every one you've seen up to this point. You try not to linger too much at the way his eyes seem to shine in the dimly lit room. Or how the stubble on his face makes his features sharper. Or even on the way his arms flex as he leans against the cage. And definitely, without a shadow of a doubt, you're not focusing on the fact, that he's standing nestled right between your dangling legs.

So, before your brain conjures up any unwanted ideas, you clear your throat again and straighten up. Buggy notices the shift in your posture, but doesn't move, instead it seems as if a lightbulb has literally appeared beside his head. Desperate to change the subject, which hasn't been even brought up yet, you wave your hand in the general direction of his ear.

"Your ability is pretty useful" you try to sound as neutral, as humanly possible.

"Oh?" he tilts his head back and gives you a suspicious look.

"Yeah, that eavesdropping thing was really cool… And slightly disgusting" your nose scrunches "But mostly cool."

He hums low in his throat, his hands slowly letting go of your cage. Still, he remains standing between your legs, your knee brushing against his prominent hip bones.

"Are there" you swallow "Any limits to this ability?"

Now, his eyebrows jump straight under his bandana, and you definitely do not like the slow smirk filling his features.

"I mean, like, can you detach your nose? Or um… I don't know, your fingernails?"

Finally he steps back, stretching his arms to the side, as if he's giving you a show, and in a way, he does. There are muscles, hidden under those circus clothes. His exposed forearms are nicely shaped, with thick veins running the length of them. You really don't mean to ogle the man, but fuck, he is handsome. In an "insane-sadistic-clown-who-is-also-a-pirate-for-some-reason" way.

"I can detach every single part of my body with no effort" he says, his smile growing.

Before you could really think about your actions, your gaze falls downward, right to his belt keeping his trousers up. Mortified, that your brain would even go there, you tear your eyes up, and with a horrified expression, look upon a face full of excitement.

Then, Buggy raises his hands to his heart, feigning a scandalized expression, which would've been funny, if you weren't currently blushing in the lovely shade of a ripe beetroot.

"I'm sorry… that's not… I didn't" your words come out a jumbled mess, and Buggy wheezes out a laugh.

"Oh would you look at that" he puts his hands behind his back, as he slowly starts to stalk towards your confinement "You know, with how sheltered your little brother is, I didn't expect you to be such a dirty pervert."

You choke on air, arms flailing inside the cage, as you genuinely are at a loss for words, You can feel your face grow impossibly hot, the heat spreading all the way to the tops of your ears. The Clown still advances, until his face is pushed right between the bars of the cage, a smile on his lips and a glint in his eye. You don't know what to do with yourself, as the man continues to laugh at your outrage.

Finally, his right hand flies from behind his back and stops right above his head. Then, as if making a show specially for you out of his unusual abilities, he lets his pointer finger remove itself from the hand. Involuntarily, you make a face, and try to push yourself as far into the cage, as humanly possible. Which, given the size of your prison, does practically nothing. The finger aims straight at your nose and presses it with slightly more force, than a friendly "boop" would.

"You started it" he throws your own words back at you, and watches your dumbfounded expression with a smile and a giggle.

Finally, he steps back, all his body parts in place, and you can breathe again at last. Then, with a flourish, he bows down before the cage, before giving you a slightly unbalanced twirl. At that, you can't help but smile, almost fondly. He's not so bad, when he isn't actively trying to murder you and your friends.

"Anyways, get ready, your grand performance is in a week" he concludes, and you sigh deeply.

So he hasn't let this one go.

No matter. A week from now, you'll be out of this place. The thought fills you with joy, and strangely, with some sort of melancholy, which you have to jot down as nausea, just to protect your own mental health.

"Hostage" the man says, as a goodbye, bowing once again, this time with fewer theatrics, and begins to walk back towards the door. "Captain" you respond in kind, inclining your head slightly.

He stops in his tracks, back turned to you, before slowly, twisting his body, to look you in the face. He wants to say something, his mouth opens and closes, and anticipation floods your stomach. But then, his lips pull back into one more smile, more reserved, more private. Now, in this rare moment of tranquility, he looks truly handsome, and your heart jumps to your throat at the realization. He gives you one last look, shakes his head at the floor, and exits with a soft click of the door.

You're, once again, left alone with your mismatched shoes and the hole in your shorts. This time, however, your head is filled with tender thoughts, one that could keep you company, until another visit befalls you.

[whorbidmore]

okay, so, I've fallen victim to the leon kennedy brainrot steadily overtaking me, following me from Tumblr to Pinterest, to Instagram and even the absolutely fucking dreaded application of TikTok. I don't even use it that often??? and the algorithm is just like 'wow, yeah, this little fuckers gay as hell send in the 40 year old meow meow!!' and having watched Death Island fairly recently, I'm gonna have my opinions on what this dude would be like. Cus my brain loves to rationalize shit and think ab 'what if this mf was someone real?' so... fuck it.

Leon Soft Kennedy Headcanons

SFW

accidentally bigoted. - im sorry but let's be so fucking real here. he's a 40 something year old man who spent the majority of his life in either the military, a police training academy in the 90's, or otherwise working under the U.S Federal System with minimal/no time between missions to unpack absolutely everything he's got going on... the guys gonna have some problematic tendencies. Obviously that doesn't mean he means any of that or is incapable of change, etc. etc., but I know for damn certain this dude would laugh a little at Bill Burr's borderline to blatantly misogynistic material and has probably chuckled unironically at the attack helicopter jokes. But, he's not a complete dick, and would definitely become more critical of those kinds of jokes if it's pointed out to him.

honest to God, Dad Without Kids™ - it's not simply enough for me to leave it at 'but it's the vibes!!' so, I'm gonna break this shit down. Leon is absolutely Gen X incarnate. I can fucking guarantee you that on his off days he accidentally ends up dressing as an undercover cop; I'm talking cargo shorts, light blue button up, those fucking standard issue boots cus "they're perfectly good shoes" and those stupid ass sunglasses... you know the ones I'm talking about. Let's say you're living with him, right? And you're... you, and you wanna watch something on TV. This dude would strain himself getting up like a turtle fallen backwards on its shell, stand up, walk right in front of the TV screen and stand there with his hands on his hips. It doesn't matter that he had to piss, he needs to get a better look of what's happening! Does those really loud, obnoxious coughs and sneezes, absolutely blows his back out doing one at least five times a year.

Only watches British Reality TV - Considering he's canonically a film buff, I'll say that this is purely for whatever he gravitates towards on general streaming services. I honestly don't see him being the type to regularly tune in to standard American cable TV, or only does so under specific circumstances like American Ninja Warrior or maybe Forged in Fire if there's absolutely nothing else. It's not something that's exclusive to Americans, — I'm from New Zealand and I do this too, — but Leon absolutely falls into the category of watching British Reality and Game shows purely because of the accents. I'm talking Jeremy Kyle, The Big Fat Quiz of Everything, Taskmaster, The Great British Bake Off and so on and so forth. It doesn't matter that baking isn't his forté or a passion of his, if Josephine curdles her buttercream by over mixing, his hands are in his hair in utter disappointment. 100% tries to mimic their accents too. We all do it, don't lie.

Has... very dated music tastes - I don't know if you could guess, but the last paragraph included me calling myself out and name dropping some shows I watch anyway or grew up watching, and I'm just saying that this is gonna be no different. If anything? This'll be worse! Since I'm very passionate about the music I listen to and have the inability to keep my interests separated from the other, of course my love of particular bands will bleed over into my interpretation of Leon's character! Anyway, all that for me to say that Leon fucking LOVES 90's grunge musicians, specifically Pearl Jam and Soundgarden, as well as early nu metal bands like Korn (their dubstep phase did not happen.), TOOL, and Rage Against the Machine — and no, he unfortunately doesn't see the irony of him being a fed and listening to Rage, — but would also have a soft spot for psych rock, post-punk and shoegaze. My man's definitely laid awake at night, sobbing without expression as he struggles to accept that Ada never really wanted him like he wanted her while listening to fucking Slowdive. My hottest take here is that he doesn't really listen to Deftones. Like he'll occasionally blast My Own Summer, Change, Bored or Rosemary, but anything outside of those? He just didn't listen to 'em. My second hottest take is that he does NOT like Slipknot, which kind of pains me 'cus I do, but I fucking bet you this dude would actually adopt one piece of "Gen Z lingo" or whatever just call them cringe. Though admittedly he would've been jamming the fuck out to Psychosocial and The Devil in I when they came out. Went off the deep end in Vendetta, obviously, and drunk-cried himself to sleep on the couch listening to Linkin Park.

Very confusing spending habits - On one hand, we all understand that Leon came from money, — he was implied to have been born into a mob family from my understanding? And I doubt he'd ever really had to worry about being fully, irrevocably broke, — but I'm sure that growing up in the U.S Foster Care System made him at least a little more cautious of where his money comes from, where it's going, what he's spending it on, etc. So, on the one hand, he's apprehensive to spend recklessly, particularly on perishables. But also, if he can drop over $100,000USD on a motorcycle that got absolutely fucking cheese grated into the road, and spend a perceived, metric fuck ton of money on designer leather jackets and massive watches, it's gonna be hard for me to call him 'financially conscious'. On one hand, he gets apprehensive on spending more money than he needs to on food since he's "just gonna shit it out later", but if he sees a cool watch or a nice suit in a shop window? Money's suddenly not an issue! Not because he's materialistic, but because the one thing he really maintains a sense of control over in his life are his possessions and the way he dresses. The D.S.O can call him in for another months long mission whenever they please, and all he can realistically do is allow the government to tug on his leash and put him where he's needed. He may as well spend their money on things he wants!

Gets out... enough? But also, not really? - So, personally I've pegged Leon as more of an introverted person, — amateurly typed his MBTI as possibly ISFJ? — so he doesn't really feel the need to go out and meet new people or really hang out with anyone. If somebody invites him out? Sure, he'll go. Otherwise, it rarely occurs to him to meet up with friends or colleagues at a cafe or anywhere. I think he'd prefer to just go there alone, mostly for the sake of having somebody else cook for him as opposed to actively seeking out the atmosphere. It's pure convience in his mind. And remember when I said in the beginning about him accidentally being at least a little misogynistic? Yeah, that was me trying to say that he regularly tries to hit on younger waitresses. Not because he actually wants anything to do with them, but simply because it's an ego boost. He likes that he can make girls half his age blush or offer him their numbers, because it tells him that he's still desirable, and ultimately, that gives him the power to reject them politely and go about the rest of his day. If they don't reject him first, of course. Admittedly, Leon's audacity towards women peaked during Infinite Darkness.

Since I'm planning on posting more NSFW headcanons for this guy, — and more NSFW kinds of posts, — here is the obligatory Minors DNI attachment. For your own safety, I don't care if what I have to say is tame so far, you can hold it off I promise.

[ckret2]

i’m admittedly obsessed with music/have music as a special interest so this question has been on my mind for quite some time now - if Bill (from your goldilocks fanfic) were to listen to any music, or have any particular music taste, what would it be? Any particular songs in mind that he likes? ( <—totally not looking for more/new songs to listen to hahahahaha…sweats)

half of me thinks he’d like 40s/50’s/60’s music (thanks to the vera lynn reference in the fic, but also bc he sings it in-show), but the other half of me wants him to like musicals (heathers, in particular) - i can’t explain why lol

alternatively, if you’ve answered smth like this already, i’d love to know what songs you enjoy/listen to!

Have a post about his tastes and a hideous-sounding playlist! And it even held up in the face of TBOB.

The only difference in my headcanons is that I said the peak of his his tastes centers on the 60s and I subsequently found an interview where Alex confirms Bill's tastes do indeed range from about 40s~60s; but I just got out of another fandom where everyone headcanoned a character is into 40s music ranging into the 50s and I'm pretty burnt out on The Most Popular 40s Jazz That Everybody And Their Grandma Knows so I still personally prefer to focus on the 50s for him lmao.

In fic he makes a reference to a band called Mysterious Mo's Average Joes; I imagine them as an in universe equivalent to Question Mark & the Mysterians, except more obscure.

Specific to my headcanoned music tastes of Bill from my fic rather than just Bill in general: coming in his tastes are all the same, but hanging around Mabel has given him an expanded palate for boy band music and kids music, although on the boy band front he prefers dance-y songs over ballad-y songs and on the kids music front he has to steer through a minefield of cheaply-produced 80s cartoons that use synthesized music to save cost on an orchestra.

So far, nothing else has happened to change his tastes.

Although eventually Robbie's introducing him to emo.

I listen to too much music for the question "what songs do you listen to," it's like asking "what words do you use" lmao, lemme look at my recent activity. Lately I've been getting into She Hates Emotion and the new albums by Zeal & Ardor and Fleshgod Apocalypse; I've been slacking in my metal education on learning the difference between black metal and death metal (I usually focus on symphonic metal & neighboring genres) so I'm looping back to the basics to learn more there; big fan of Saltatio Mortis's new album; I've been listening to the deeper cuts & newer material of mainstream early 00s alt rock & nu metal bands (Shinedown, Stone Sour, Staind) to see what I've been missing out on beyond their radio hits; and in general the past few months I've been trawling through playlists of classic 80s goth, dark wave, synth pop, & aggrotech to expand my library there. Very excited for the new Linkin Park lineup, love their new vocalist so far and it's heartening to see them releasing new material. Not so excited by the new Nightwish album, it has the nightwish sound but not the spark. This isn't even an accurate representation of my full musical tastes, I've just been really into metal recently. Current favorite bands of the last few years are Alt-J and Ghost. I listed some of my favorite albums on this post. It's too bad you can't just link your Spotify liked songs without sticking them all in a separate playlist—oh hold on I have a songs I can sing playlist, it's perpetually incomplete on top of being 3-4 years out of date but it's a starting point.

[pintsizeninja]

The Genesis of a Ship

Since I'm not posting a new chapter of my Odin/Zane fic this week, I figured I'd take some time to highlight why I started shipping them in the first place!

It's no secret I fell madly in love with Poets of the Fall, and Marko Saaresto (young Odin) in particular, after playing through We Sing for the first time a few days after Alan Wake 2 released. I hadn't written fanfic in 10+ years, but like a lot of folks in this fandom, AW2 inspired me to pick up the proverbial pen again. I knew I wanted to write a fic from young Odin's POV and have it set in the 1970s during the Old Gods' heyday - I just needed a pairing.

When I learned Sam Lake provided his bff Marko with poems to help him craft the lyrics for "Late Goodbye" and all the OGOA songs, something clicked deep in my brain. That was it: Thomas Zane and Odin Anderson would collaborate on a project together, Zane would provide Odin with poetry to write songs that would bring his artistic vision to life - and sparks would fly (this is the premise of my fic Talented Voice).

Then this photo happened at the Game Awards, and it was all over after that.

There's even a basis for it in canon:

1) Odin incorporates Zane's poetry into Balance Slays the Demon, over 40 years after Zane disappeared. I headcanon that since Odin is immune from the changed story, he held onto a book (or at least some typewritten sheets) of Zane's poetry for all that time - or maybe even stole them out of the shoebox at some point. If we take the song at face value (and not because of, y'know, game reasons), that's a long time to hold onto someone's poetry. Zane clearly meant something to Odin.

2) Just listen to the wistful longing in Marko's Odin's voice when he sings "The Poet and the Muse". There is a lot of emotion tied up into that song, which was released six years after Zane disappeared. It's both a love story and a cautionary tale, with Odin lamenting the loss of his lover/friend (depending on how you want to look at it).

Then you have the deleted dialogue between Odin and Saga (spoilers, and it's not clear why this was cut although theories abound, so take it with a grain of salt) where Odin mentions giving Zane a song. While this isn't canon since it was cut, it adds fuel to the 'Odin and Zane collaborated together' fire.

So while the two characters never share any scenes together in the games for obvious reasons, it's quite clear Zane was special to Odin; special enough to write a whole-ass song about him and hold onto his poetry for decades.

Here's why it works:

1) This one varies depending on your interpretation of who Thomas Zane really is/was (and I'm not touching that topic with a 10 foot pole, it's been discussed to death on Reddit 😂), but the late 60s were a wild and crazy time. You know Odin and Tor threw some crazy parties back in the day, and Zane had plans for an artist's commune that included the Anderson brothers - so some shenanigans definitely would've ensued. But even without the rewriting (or expansion, again depending on your interpretation) of Zane's history in AW2, the poet likely would've found himself at those parties regardless. Nothing like a little sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll to get those creative juices flowing. 😎

Which leads me to:

2) They're both creatives. They understand the highest highs and the lowest lows of the creative process. That passion thrums in their veins and leads to a deeper understanding between the two of them. Odin and Zane would just get each other on a different level. While the Old Gods didn't exist prior to Zane's disappearance, we know Odin and Tor had music careers prior to the band's formation in 1971. I could totally see Zane falling for the dashing young rockstar, even before he became Odin; just being completely swept away by that stage presence and that voice. That voice.

Two passionate artists collaborating during the time of free love in the 1960s and 1970s, poetry and music intertwining - it's perfect.

If you want to read more:

My Odin/Zane series is now well over 100,000 words long, with at least another 130,000 words planned, and I'm beyond happy other people have embraced this ship. Shoutout in particular to HopelessScribe on AO3 for also writing Odin/Zane.

And, can't forget this beautiful fanart commissioned from Valentina, with more (NSFW!) Odin/Zane fanart on the way 😈

[twilight-good-yall-dumb]

It's actually so crazy to me that people are theorizing about the relationships between all of the boys right now. Like, first of all, they JUST got to say goodbye. Give me a fucking break, this is not the time. But also, why do people pretend to know literally anything about their personal lives? All we know is what the boys have actually told us. So, they've had various connections with each other over the past few years. How deep those connections were, we do not know. Because we do not know them. And again, as a fan, I think it's kind of stupid to have an opinion on this at all, but I feel like we have to understand two things about them:

First of all, they grew into themselves around each other. The time they spent in the band was the same time they would have spent in college/university. This period in anybody's life, whether famous or not, is incredibly formative. You're learning new things, exploring new freedoms, finding yourself. So many people meet lifelong friends at this phase. So, whatever their relationships may have been up until Liam's death, they had those memories at the very least. That being said, they had also spent more time apart than they'd spent together, and over those years we have no idea, truly, how close they remained. We can safely assume based on interviews and interactions that Liam was probably the closest to Louis of all the boys, but was Louis therefore the closest to Liam? Were any of the other boys close? How close? How many of them still regularly checked in with each other? We simply do not know for certain. We will probably never know, because it isn't our place to know. What's important is that Liam WAS a big part of all four of their lives, and whether they'd remained close over the years or not, his death most certainly impacted all four of them in a big way. So it's ridiculous to start pointing fingers. Niall, Louis, Zayn, and Harry all lost somebody important. Nothing else matters. We do not know the particulars. We are not their friends. We are their fans.

All I will say on the matter is that based on the amount of love and grief poured out by each of the boys and their families, it's clear to me that this has been hard on them all. It's not for us to decide who should be allowed the most or least grief. And don't you dare assign blame to any of them.

[lizzybeth1986]

A Brief History of Alternative Romances in Choices

Series - TRR's Alternative LIs: The "Romances" that Didn't Happen

TW: Mentions of OH2's handling of Rafael (though not in detail), racism.

To be clear, this introductory essay isn't directly related to the rest of this series. TRR operated very differently to the other Choices series' when it came to alternative LIs, so a lot of what I'll discuss here won't actually apply to its specific romance mechanics.

Still, it is important to explore what it means to give an LI an alternative romance in PB, and for that we need to look at what the approach to such romances were. Both in the past, and after TRR became popular. Looking into this gives us a general idea of which specific LIs got an alternative romance, why just them and not others, and what such developments said about the way the writing team viewed a particular character.

The Choices App was introduced in 2016, with three stories that were likely meant to cater to different audiences. Out of the three, the crime drama Most Wanted was the only series that focused on a single romantic pairing.

The other two - The Freshman and The Crown and the Flame - presented players with multiple romance options for their main character(s). TCaTF split its narrative between two main characters - Kenna Rys and Dominic Hunter - exploring both Kenna's fight to gain back and then expand her kingdom, and Dom's discovery of his heritage as a member of the Fire Tribes. Even though Kenna and Dom could be paired romantically, they had other potential LIs. Notably, Kenna had 6 (Dom, Tevan, Raydan, Annelyse, Val and Diavolos) and Dom only 2 serious contenders (Kenna, Rose, Sei, Will Jackson all had romances with him. Of these four, Rose was eliminated early on in the series, and Will was a last-minute addition at the end of TCaTF3). TCaTF didn't seem to focus much on the love lives of these LIs outside of Kenna and Dom, until Book 3 in 2017 - and of the cast only Raydan and Tevan seemed to get hints at other potential romances (with Aurynn and Zenobia, respectively).

Unlike MW and TCaTF, The Freshman's focus zeroed in on just one character. It was the first series to feature a customizable MC, whose experiences and choices alone would move the story forward. The original three-book series featured romances with three LIs - Chris Powell, James Ashton and Kaitlyn Liao. By the third book, two more were added to the roster - Zig Ortega and Becca Davenport.

You could choose a boy/girlfriend by the end of Book 1, and change partners in Book 3 if you weren't happy with your first LI and/or wanted one of the newer ones. The first three books didn't really have any alternative romances for the LIs themselves, but all that was about to change (for two LIs) in The Sophomore (released in 2017).

(Screenshots from the UnruleLee Gaming Youtube Channel)

In TS, the MC had the opportunity to pair James and Kaitlyn up with other side characters if she wasn't dating them. Kaitlyn begins to show an interest in Annisa, the new keyboardist in her punk band. Similarly for James and Reyna, a member of the editorial staff of Hartfeld's student-run newspaper. Both pairings only resulted in long-term relationships if the MC encouraged them enough, and she had both free and paywalled opportunities to do so.

What is noticeable at this point is that there are three LIs that are not given romantic alternatives - Chris, Zig and Becca. Though members of the fandom did headcanon certain pairings that had some potential in canon (such as Zig with his roommate Aaron and Becca with Madison), the narrative itself never indicated any romances for these characters, preferring perhaps to focus on their romance with the MC.

A possible reason for this could have been popularity. At the time, some in the fandom theorized that Chris was the most popular of the OG LIs, and that Zig and Becca garnered popularity quite quickly when they emerged as options in TF3. So there would be a lot more investment from the teams in charge of the book to focus their writing on their MC-centric routes.

James and Kaitlyn received criticism and sometimes outright hate from fans - some of whom complained ad nauseum whenever options to help them with their professional lives or personal development came up, while being largely accepting of the more popular LIs' conflicts. So it is possible that the writing focused on giving these two LIs other romantic options, in a way they didn't need to for the other three.

However, giving James and Kaitlyn other love interests didn't affect their overall writing. The Freshman series handled the balance between all five LIs with a deft hand, ensuring that every LI had adequate growth, development and attention within the narrative. Whether they were single or paired with the MC, all of them had unique stories that allowed the characters to make mistakes and learn from them, to confront their fears and conquer them, to deal with their problems in a realistic way.

James' story wasn't simply stuck on Reyna - he spent most of TS honing his writing skills and developing a novel, and later co-writing a play with the MC. Kaitlyn's story wasn't simply about romancing Annisa - it was about dealing with her insecurities, building her band from scratch, getting over her fears of Natasha sabotaging her again, being comfortable in her own identity. Their romances with Reyna and Annisa felt like bonus side stories that we could get if we were interested enough...not the be-all and end-all of their stories.

Alternative romances for LIs didn't happen in all books. Many didn't bother with one, especially those that wound up being one-book stories. Some books that ended with an elaborate wedding for an MC and their LI also seemed to do away with this too, mostly by eliminating other love interests or making their presence scarce (for instance, in RoE, the other two LIs for "Katie" virtually disappear when she make her choice, only featuring in brief cameos and mentions). Alternative LIs often featured in series' that were successful enough to get three books, so more often than not, two-book series' like #LoveHacks would barely even have the time to develop new characters to date any LI.

The books that did end up following this route often lasted long enough for at least three books (with PM and ATV standing as exceptions), and likely had more than 3 LIs. In certain books the pairing was paywalled, and in others you could choose a number of free options to encourage the romance.

After a while a pattern seemed to emerge in who got such romances. Sometimes the alternative LI was given only to the "forgotten fourth/fifth" of a series (the extra LI who would get the least attention) - sometimes the "lucky" LI would be a character that was NOT a late addition to the roster of LIs, but an OG LI that just got so little attention and buildup it became obvious that they were given an alternative because the writers couldn't be bothered to imagine what their romance with the MC would look like. One can confidently say this because very often the "alternative romance" was written with more thought than the romance with the LI or any of that character's individual problems, and it started becoming very obvious that the writers felt more comfortable imagining the playthroughs where such LIs could only be friends with the MC.

Once the Choices app found its "core demographic" and started churning out more books, there were more and more cases of the writers indicating who their favourites were, early on (through providing a higher frequency and quality of diamond scenes for certain LIs, and through their interviews before the book releases). Which resulted in those characters getting more popular and others less so. And it was this "popularity" that often impacted writing choices and treatment.

Such a system of storytelling results in a vicious cycle, where a team will either assume already that one particular character will rake in more money, and give them a head start over others...or where a writer - through intentional or unintentional bias - could push forward a "favourite" front-and-center to the detriment of other LIs.

Here's a list of books that wrote alternative romances for certain LIs (except for OH, but I will get to that one in a minute). See if you can figure a pattern in at least most of these books:

High School Story 3 (2018) - Caleb Mitchell (Jade Ali), Emma Hawkins (Luis Marino), Aiden Zhou (Cameron Levy)

High School Story: Class Act 3 (2019-20) - Skye Crandall (Lilith Vidal)

Desire and Decorum 3 (2018-19) - Luke Harper (Cordelia Parsons)

Perfect Match 2 (2018) - Sloane Washington (Khaan Mousavi)

Across the Void (2018-19) - Zekei Sentry becomes a love interest both to the MC as well as their sibling Eos Elara.

Endless Summer 3 (2017-18) - Quinn Kelly (Kele), Sean Gayle (Michelle Nguyen). (Technically, almost every LI does get some potential in terms of alternative romance...but Estela and Jake's pairings feature mostly in the AUs shown by The Endless (Sean x Michelle, Estela x Zahra, Jake × Yvonne are all shown - among other AU romances). Quinn and Sean's romances, however, are solidified in the MC's handfasting ceremony with their LI, where the couples could share a romantic look and Michelle even leans on Sean's shoulder.)

In theory, the alternative romance could sound tempting. It allows the MC to demonstrate care and concern for an LI regardless of their romantic interest, or lack thereof. It may potentially give the reader the surface comfort of seeing an LI they rejected lead a happy life with someone they can love. It seems like a win-win situation for everyone.

But it becomes apparent when you comb through both the romantic and friendly versions of these characters' stories, that something is not quite right. I will take two LIs here as an example.

(Screenshots from Abhirio's YouTube Channel (D&D3) and Danni Stone's YouTube Channel (PM1))

Sloane Washington's major character points in Book 1 involve her love for coding and astronomy, as well as her strong bond with her mother. Book 2 (2018) does very minimal work on either of these; once Khaan enters the picture, almost every diamond scene she gets focuses solely on the possibility of a romance with him. The narrative doesn't even focus the reunion with her mother Kim on her!

Likewise, many, many complaints emerged during D&D3 (2019) about the way Luke's wedding was handled. His mother - who is supposedly very close to him - only features in letters and one memory about his brother Ezra's gambling addiction, doesn't have a name, is given a used sprite that isn't even dressed in period-appropriate clothing, and never even attends his wedding. On the other hand, his alternative romance with Cordelia was explored in excruciating detail, to the point where the two are given a wedding and the promise of a future child. It is almost as if the writers couldn't bear to envision him marrying their precious MC.

There are two major things that become apparent the more you observe the above list of LIs who got alternative romances.

One, the LIs that don't get "alternative LIs" are often white and male (Chris in TF, Micheal in HSS, Ernest in D&D, Meridien in AtV) with a couple exceptions. The writing takes care to weave their issues and conflicts into the MC's larger narrative and try their best to ensure that we become invested in whatever they have going on in their stories. A good example of this are Ernest's larger storylines about his stepson Percival and his destroyed house in Book 3. On certain rare occasions (especially when there is no default white man in the LI cast), an ambiguously brown man who can be easily exoticized fits into this role of "Creator's Pet" just as well. The writers spend enough time on perfecting their romances with the MC that there is literally no time for anything (or anyone) else.

Two, in all but two of these books, the LI that gets their 'alternative romance' most often...is a black love interest. On the rare occasion a white character is included in such a list, it is often a canonically queer white woman (only if she is an LI tho, because white female side characters have attention and love practically showered upon them) who ends up in such a position (Emma and Skye from the HSS series'). But besides that, it is usually the black LI - who btw is often one of the first people we interact with and written as the most approachable - that bears the brunt of a narrative that makes it clear that it isn't interested in exploring their story on their terms.

That is why Luke's mother never gets a name or his younger brother is hardly seen. That is why Sloane is sidelined in her own reunion scene with her mother. That is why most of the romantic playthroughs featuring these characters feel so scarce on the details or the nuances, while their white male (or ambiguous brown male) counterparts chew scenery in their own and everyone else's playthroughs.

In narratives like these, the "alternative LI" is no longer the sweet, sensitive, "they deserve happiness" route that it pretends to be...but more a sign that the writers are uncomfortable with writing said LI in a romance with the main character, and the audience they most want to cater to is uncomfortable reading it.

When the intent behind such a supposedly-nice gesture becomes so rife with bad faith, what is the end result? What happens when an 'alternative LI' - a route that seemed to promise happier futures for certain LIs - becomes more of a tool to punish them for lack of popularity? What happens when the company that created this system stops pretending to value the diversity they claimed to pride themselves in??

What happens - is that you get a story like Open Heart 2.

A lot of the stories I mentioned above were written within the space of 2017-2019. In fact, most of the books in the list came out in 2018. During these years Choices was gaining popularity in the choice-based storytelling business, and romance stories were on the rise. Many Choices Books at this point had at least 3 LIs - 2 male and 1 female - and some had more. And most of the writing teams managed to get away with treating their LIs of colour (specifically their black male and female LIs) badly without significant backlash.

At the time of OH2's release (2020), the book had four LIs in its lineup. Ethan Ramsey - like most white male LIs - was meant from the start to chew scenery. Comparatively the other LIs: Jackie Varma, Bryce Lahela and Rafael Aveiro were at a disadvantage and often it felt like the team seemed to work more on writing them out rather than incorporating their stories organically into the narrative. Rafael particularly seemed to suffer from this in the first book, and by this time making one LI the "forgotten fourth" became accepted as the norm. So when OH2's cover showed every single LI except for Rafael, there was a sense of mild alarm.

It soon became clearer, however, that something more insidious was afoot. The book itself began with a funeral, and Rafael was missing in the first chapter. When Rafael stans finally did get to see him, in Ch 2, they would be hit with a nasty surprise - the LI who was utterly devoted to their MC and introduced them to his beloved Vovó, would be shown dating a childhood sweetheart without any explanation or warning.

(Screenshots from Gabbieschoices YouTube Channel)

When asked about the sudden shift, PB's response was cryptic...but also ominous to a fandom who had already seen all kinds of unfair, horrible treatment meted out to a wide range of black characters by then:

For all intents and purposes, the relationship between the MC and Rafael appeared to be over, with very little by way of closure. Even the few diamond scenes they would get later would show friends-only options. As the book went on, it became frighteningly clear that the narrative was planning to do away with Rafael. At one point, Rafael even spoke of leaving the city altogether, and there were hints towards a far, far worse manner of departure in later chapters.

(Most people who were playing at the time remember PB's plans for OH2 Ch11-12, and the backlash, response and hiatus that followed. If you weren't there at the time, PB's Statement following the backlash - "Representation at Pixelberry" - briefly alludes to the issues that people in the fandom had with the writing decisions OH2 took at the time)

As most of us know by now, this ended with significant changes in the existing story - ensuring that Rafael lived, reinstating him as an LI and having Sora break up with him so they could disappear from the book altogether. Post 2020, no further attempts have been made the "alternative LI" route for LIs.

Part of this could be attributed to the change in format. With the introduction of VIP-access and single-LI books, the need to prepare an alternative romance for an LI has reduced greatly. Other factors too could have contributed: the extra romances becoming too much work, possible fatigue among fandom towards such pairings leading to less revenue from diamond options featuring them, certain books having only one or at most two LIs.

No one in PB has spoken of Rafael's treatment or the inclusion of Sora in OH directly...but since OH2 featured the last ever alternative romance till date, it would be safe to say that perhaps even PB recognised that the Sora story crossed a significant line. In any case, this practice hasn't been adopted in recent books in a while.

At the outset, one could argue that the Rafael and Sora situation is extremely different from the "alternative romances" I have listed so far. Unlike all the others, the intent behind introducing Sora was to deny the player a Rafael romance altogether, rather than present Rafael himself with an option. Whatever the problems with the other LIs, at least they got a romance with the MC!

However, I do think the Sora story was rooted in what the alternative LI route had become over time. It may have started with good intentions - with the idea that perhaps if the numbers showed certain LIs being ignored, it may be kinder to give them happy futures with other people who would love them. As long as the alternative romance was just a part of the character's larger story (as is the case with James and Kaitlyn), it felt less harmful and more sweet.

But when the ability to rake in finances becomes a marker of a character's worth, when the writing itself rigs the game from the start of a series, when both PB and fandom find themselves incapable of examining their own biases with regards to said characters...the purpose of such romances becomes warped.

At such points, it becomes more about establishing that this character's romance with the MC is not worth exploring. About delivering the message that it's okay to drop this LI - that as a player, you had more chance of getting your money's worth if you did drop them.

To be more clear, the Sora story is a culmination of what happens when a certain type of LI is set up to fail from the start. There are less opportunities for them to win the reader over, less time, less options to bring in money. In such an environment, the "alternative romance" becomes about considering certain types of LIs "less worthy", and spending far less time developing their MC-route - because as far as the "data", "money" and "finances" are concerned, they hardly have one!

The culmination of such a system, is that the worth of an LI can be brought down so much that the writers become comfortable with killing a non-main and non-white LI. Sora, as an alternative LI, was a way to write Rafael himself out as a romantic option, not a route meant to move his own story ahead. Sora is what happens when PB pushes forward favouritism and racism to the point where the writing is emboldened to take such steps for LIs of colour (particularly black LIs) they deem unpopular.

Which is why - in the present climate - the elimination of such a system is a marginally better prospect. If we cannot trust such a seemingly "nice" process, what's the use of having it around?

This essay series isn't about all of PB's stories, however. It is about TRR. Still - it is essential to explore and understand the original intent behind using these romance routes, and the history of how such storylines developed over time. Considering that TRR released from 2017-2018, analysing the significant patterns of that time places the writing of TRR's alternate romances into context.

TRR's approach to the alternative LI route has been different from other books, in very specific ways. One of the most prominent ways was that the narrative featured romantic options for the three OG LIs, and briefly attempted one for a fourth (the closest parallel to this in another book would be Endless Summer). Even popular love interests were presented with romantic routes, in case the MC wasn't going to marry them.

Does this mean that TRR managed to avoid falling into the same rabbit hole of bias and favouritism, that the other books did? Not by a long shot. The same problems just manifested in very different ways - and in this essay series, I will discuss those problems, romance route by romance route.

Next - Liam and Olivia: When You Prefer the Side Character to the Main

[castielmd]

Again "Hunteri Heroici"

Disclaimer: This is not a Winchester-friendly post.

What really upsets me whenever I think back on the seasons I've already watched [1-9], is that we get to know so little about Castiel and angels in general. This would be alright, considering that not everyone should get expansive lore. But Castiel is considered the "best friend" of one of the main characters and has stuck for countless of seasons. So why do we not know more about him and his backstory?

What really bugs me about it in particular, is that the main characters simply do not care or wish to learn more about their "friend". I've talked about the anvil episode before [S8EP8], and I shall bring it up again to make my point.

————

Castiel's unknown abilities.

At the time of S8EP8, Castiel has already been around for 4 seasons, more or less. This should've been enough time to gather knowledge of him, his capabilities, his origins. And yet, when Castiel decides to become a hunter and aid the Winchesters, a lot of what he does still surprises both of them.

He can "turn off angel radio".

Castiel [about the angel radio]: Oh, I couldn't say. I turned that off.

Sam: You can do that?

Castiel: Yes, it's a simple matter of blocking out certain subsonic frequencies. I could draw you a diagram if you want -

Dean: No, that's - We're good.

He's eager to share more about him and is willing to explain in ways the Winchesters can comprehend. Yet, he's immediately shut down before he can even finish his sentence. The active case is not an excuse for this — they could've taken up his offer but set it to a later time. They just don't care to understand.

He can listen to the police radio without any device, since it's all just waves. [At least Sam is openly surprised at this revelation.]

Castiel: Something is coming across the police band.

Sam: Wait, you can hear that?

Castiel: It's all waves.

Dean and Sam exchange looks.

Shouldn't your "friends" who have now known you for quite some time at least know what you can do? I'm honestly surprised they don't: not because I expected them to care, more so because they've always relied on Castiel for help in the past. At least as far as "usefulness" goes, they should've known more. They just have never bothered to ask. Why not?

Is it because anything to do with heaven immediately gets shut down because heaven and its inhabitants are just evil dicks? Is it because seeing Castiel possess skills much greater than them would be a reminder of the worlds separating them? Fear of inferiority? Fear of the unknown? Just the simple minded hate for the kind their friend is from? Afraid they'd have to recognize he is different than them despite their best efforts to pretend he's not?

———

Treatment of known abilities and Castiel's attempt to draw conclusions.

The next thing, Sam and Dean seemed to already know. Still, it's worth mentioning because of how they both handled it.

He can smell bodily diseases, detect sulfur or EMF and can see the human body down to the molecules.

He can determine if someone's been physically ill - which could help them exclude other causes that are not supernatural and save them the file reading. Not to mention EMF — which saves them from pulling out their devices. Why does Dean have to cut him short by demanding him to stop? No one but them was in the room anyway.

Dean: Cas, stop smelling the dead guy.

Castiel: Why? Now I know everything about this man and we can -

Sam: Do you know he was having an affair?

Castiel: What?

Dean: [while smiling] Strike one, Sherlock.

Castiel's assumption that he now knows everything was wrong — but this could've been an educating moment instead of a berating one.

Of course they are right when they say being physically ill isn't all you have to know to solve a case. The social circumstances of a person obviously do matter — Castiel is new at this (at least this close) so why is he ridiculed for a simple mistake made by not knowing better?

Some more talking about the explanation why she was having an affair via Sam. Then, scene ends with:

Dean: Heh. Guy was living a lie and it came back to bite him in the ticker. [inhales and turns to leave] But nice job on the bladder infection.

Dean could've just left it at "Strike one, Sherlock.". Yet he had to go and deliver another blow to Castiel as he left. I can accept the first one as playful banter, the second one however is just mean. It's just to shove it in Castiels face that they know better, are better, even without "angelic powers".

The demand for Castiel to stop could be reasoned with Dean just being weirded out [he is smelling a corpse after all]. However, the dislike towards what Castiel can do is clearly shown with the last jab at him; "nice job on the bladder infection."

It's really astonishing to me how even Castiel's objectively useful skills cannot take the hurdle that is the Winchesters apprehension towards what he is.

This is shown within the start of the episode even. After Castiel tells them he plans on becoming a hunter and informed them about a case, scene develops as follows:

Castiel: Excellent. I'll see you there.

Dean: Wait, Cas. Cas! You wanna play cowboys and bloodsuckers, that's fine. But you're gonna stick with us, okay? None of this zapping around crap. Capiche?

Castiel [looking away]: Yeah, I capiche.

Dean: Alright then.

Castiel: Can I uh at least ride in the front seat?

Dean and Sam: No.

First weird thing is talking about Castiel's plan to become a hunter in a metaphor to a game — yeah maybe that's just how Dean always speaks: funny metaphors, taking the seriousness out of situations. He could watch what and how he says it to his friend who's not doing well.

Secondly, the "zapping around crap". Crap? Come on now. What actually upset me about this, was the audacity to command it without solid reasoning. Castiel could've easily (e.g.) scouted the area, check out the body beforehand, yada yada — because he would've been there sooner.

Instead he's forced to sit in the backseat, drive with them.

Then of course there is the famed "I was being bad cop." - "You were being bad everything". Before I had known the context, I actually considered this funny. Now not so much anymore.

Castiel revealed that he had done research (!) on interrogation (here I am asking myself: when?) and then goes on to "bad cop" the women. Was it a terrible attempt? Yes. But it also was one of his first times. Dean and Sam did this for years. Without considering that fact, he's berated with a cutting comment from Dean again. At least this time he tells Castiel to listen how Sam does it [likely implicating that Castiel should learn from Sam].

Why not "It's good that you've done research but movies aren't actually portraying reality. You'll scare them so they won't tell you anything or they'll get mad at accusations." Yeah yeah, because this is Dean and Dean can't do compliments or direct, honest communication and he also talks with Sam like this. That doesn't make it better - it's an explanation but not an excuse.

All it would've taken to not be an ass was take Castiel out of the situation and save the comment. I'm not asking for a full on teaching moment there, but they've got plenty time in the car or in their motel room.

[Reason I considered this funny before was because I assumed it was banter between friends. Now knowing what Castiel has to deal with, how his mental state is, I think it's unfitting and inconsiderate behavior.]

———

Castiel's character.

Moving on from the underappreciated abilities Castiel possesses, I come to the blatant misperception Dean has about Castiel. It was actually shocking to me. They spoke in a motel room, where Dean then tries to convince Castiel to return to heaven and figure out what or who brought him back from purgatory.

Dean: How are you feeling, Cas?

Castiel: Fine.

Dean: Well, I just- I know that when I got puked out of purgatory it took me a few weeks to find my sea legs.

Castiel: I'm fine.

Dean: Well, don't get me wrong. I'm happy you're back. I'm frigging thrilled. It's just this whole mysterious resurrection thing. It always has one mother of a downside.

This is likely a reach, but the inquiry into Castiel's feelings doesn't seem very sincere to me in that scene. It did (!) up until the point where Dean rapidly moves onto the topic of Castiel's unexplained resurrection. How would the question about his well-being lead to the question of who resurrected him? It appears as if he's more curious about this than how Castiel is actually doing after purgatory.

Castiel: So, what do you want me to do?

Dean: Maybe take a trip upstairs.

Castiel: To heaven?

Dean: Yeah, poke around, see if the god-squad can tell us how you got out.

Castiel: No.

Dean: Look man, I hate those flying-ass monkeys just as much as you do, but-

Castiel: Dean, I said no!

To me, it was [to a degree] reasonable why Dean would request Castiel to return to heaven, despite Castiel saying that he wants nothing to do with that place anymore earlier. Resurrections without consequences never really happen in their universe. The way he went about it, however, is wrong.

What really struck me was Dean's last sentence. How little does he have to know Castiel to assume he shares his warped view on angels? How little tact does he have to possess to call angels "flying-ass monkeys" to another angel's face — to whom they are family. How can you spew hatred about a species to the one who is entirely part of it?

I truly wonder how Castiel perceives this. If he takes this as Dean separating him from them, severing a bond he wishes to nuture. Or if he assumes that Dean hates him too and only tolerates him for what use he can offer.

Dean: [after walking over to Castiel] Talk to me.

Castiel: Dean, I-. When I was bad and I had all those things, the leviathans writhing inside me, I caused a lot of suffering on earth...but I devastated heaven. I vaporized thousands of my own kind. And I can't go back.

Dean: Because if you do, the angels will kill you.

Castiel: Because if I see what heaven has become - what I [sighs] what I made of it - I'm afraid I might kill myself.

I love that Castiel here stands by his family and openly points out that he is one of them [...thousands of my own kind.]. He doesn't directly tell Dean he's wrong, but what and how he goes on to explain himself tells you all you need to know.

Dean can't understand why Castiel can't go back until he spells it out for him, because he's unable to acknowledge the relationship Castiel has with heaven, with the angels, with god. He cannot see the emotions Castiel shows because to him, the other angels are Castiel's frat bros, the god-squad. Never sister or brother. Never the same kind.

So logically to him, the only explanation is that Castiel fears the consequences of his actions. He doesn't hear the grief and regret Castiel carries for what he's done — which is ultimately the reason he doesn't want to return. To see what he brought upon his home, his family; that this would be too much.

————

Summarizing, the whole episode revealed that Dean and Sam actually lack significant knowledge of Castiel's capabilities and are horrible teachers. They don't recognize the potential Castiel possesses.

That's a long ass post now and I'm sure I lost the logical structure of it sometime in between.

[indignantlemur]

Larger image (STRONGLY recommended): HERE The resolution on this is painful, so I'm including detail shots below the cut.

This meeting room was furnished many centuries ago by a renowned artisan who could carve stone and shells in stunning detail, and could shape and colour glass in a way that was never seen before and has never been replicated since. He took the secrets of his techniques to the grave, dying at an unexpectedly young age in a duel with a public safety official over the seizure of a rare and extremely toxic pigment imported from a Clan to the far south. His name was Kelenthor, and he was the only Clanless to ever attain such a high level of renown and fortune purely on his artistic talent. He lived during what would eventually be called the Post-Unification Andorian Renaissance. While this artisan was alive, he had a somewhat adversarial relationship with various officials and was known to use his art as a medium to mock and criticize his social betters. He was beloved by the general populace for exclusively taking on students from the lower social classes - almost as much as he was resented by the upper classes for his habit of hiding subversive messages in his commissioned works. Regardless of where one stood with Kelenthor, none could deny his talents. If you wanted the best of the best, Kelenthor was the one to commission. As such, he was eventually commissioned to design and create furnishings for a number of rooms and even entire buildings which are now used exclusively by government officials today or otherwise preserved as precious cultural works.

This particular room is widely regarded as his best work: the walls are conspicuously and almost insultingly plain, barely carved at all. At the centre of the room lies a heavy and imposing table of solid marbled stone - also barely ornamented, save some bevelling along the edges. The surface was treated with a substance which renders the stone almost entirely impervious to damage. No matter how one might rain blows upon it, barely a scratch remains to remember them by - much like many of the politicians who have sat at this table since its creation, which many believe was the subversive message behind the thing in the first place.

The focal points are the throne-like seats arrayed around the blunt instrument of a marble table, intricately carved and inlaid with precious shell and glasswork, iridescent and shining under even the faintest rays of light. Each scatters prisms randomly around the room, illuminating the shadows and often causing quite a few headaches when meetings stretch too long. More importantly, every single one of them was deliberately carved to be as uncomfortable as possible. No one in a position of power, Kelenthor once said, should be comfortable there.

First up, courting and wedding bands! Shral and Dagmar are only courting, so they have simple rings with minimal ornamentation, with Dagmar's being modified to fit as a cuff earring.

Thoris is married, so he has two bands on each antennae. Quite often marriage bands are more decorative and ostentatious than his, but Thoris isn't one for baubles and it's bad enough he has to wear these ridiculous robes. Frankly, if he could get away with just wearing his old Guardsman uniform to these meetings, he'd vastly prefer to. As such, his wedding bands are almost incongruously plain for his rank and status.

Next up, the lady and gentleman in the foreground! These two are Ministers, and high-ranking Andorians besides, so they ornament themselves rather loudly in comparison to our main cast's more sedate preferences. The lady on the left is Minister Zaathi, who we will be meeting in-fic very soon, and she's very fond of gemstones and carved hair beads - and not afraid of losing any, if she sheer number she's wearing are any indications. It's a weighted fashion statement, if nothing else, from a woman whose home province is small and relatively modest otherwise.

By comparison, Minister Bhael - on the right - is much more conservative in his ornamentation, but his robes are heavily embroidered and that is quite a lot of Andorian silk to be toting around. A closer look will reveal that his sleeves are embroidered with an ocean wave pattern, which is particularly interesting given the relationship Andorians have with the sea. Is it some kind of political statement, or just an odd choice of attire?

If those two are making statements with their sartorial choices, then Thoris has them all beat for layered meanings.

The silvery outer robes of office are closer to a cloak than a robe, with an inner layer that is belted around the waist and a loose outer layer that is joined to the inner layer at the shoulders and seams along the upper arms. This permits the maximum range of movement for the wearer. Being made of Andorian silk, which is several times stronger than Terran silk, it is an excellent means of protection against slashing and stabbing weapons. Despite their merits, however, Thoris loathes them. They're lightweight, sure, but they're still long and ostentatious and entirely too liable to get caught on something in a real fight. Sadly, they're also mandatory, or he'd have binned them ages ago.

The vibrant blue mid-layer is a heavy material, durable Andorian silk woven through with tiny filaments of something very similar to a carbon fibre composite, providing a measure of protection against many forms of projectiles, though less so against phase weapons. The innermost tunic is more obviously armoured than the other two layers, with panels mimicking an extensive chitin pattern along the length of the torso and forearms. The sleeves in particular draw attention to a very vibrant yellow flash - much like the chitin of the predatory veeg he is known for hunting in the past.

Next we come to Shral, who is obscured partially by shadow at Ambassador Thoris' right hand - and ready to draw his ushaan-tor at a moment's notice.

This is not standard armour for an Andorian, but rather something one might wear while sparring or training in their personal time. The armour takes the form of layered, almost beetle-shell like layers, layered over a long, cowl-necked tunic. The cowl is an unusual choice for sparring attire, as it provides a potential hand-hold for an opponent - only a very arrogant or a very skilled duelist would wear such a thing while sparring.

In contrast, Dagmar stands in the light on Thoris' left. Her working attire is lightly embroidered, and features large, pearly buttons - but otherwise she's almost conspicuously plainly dressed. Hyper aware of how shockingly pink she is in comparison to everyone else in the room, Dagmar wears muted and neutral colours to try to off-set how glaringly alien she is - which, ironically, only serves to highlight her differences even further.

@the-lady-general  @starrynightgardens  @emilie786  @horta-in-charge  @emochook  @velvet-luvie  @creature-of-the-stars @unknownfacelessfanfictions @auroramagpie

[bellatrixobsessed1]

Pandora Paradox

Summary: Bloom learns that her girlfriend might be autistic when she asks about her favorite movies. 

AN: Bestowing autism upon Icy because I have autism. apologies if thus one isn't as quality as some of my other fics I typed it on my phone at an airport after pulling an all nighters. Whoops, no braincells.

Will post this on Ao3 when I am not on my phone.

Icy likes to sit on the left side which is a fine enough arrangement because Bloom preferes the right. She had tried to mix things up once and Icy had left the restaurant; Bloom supposes that she should have known that, “Bloom if you don’t let me sit in that spot right now, I will walk home” was not a bluff. Icy has always been pretty damn stubborn.

And so Bloom takes her spot on the sofa’s right cushion. She imagines that Icy will be even more particular now that they are in her apartment.

There is a lot to look at here; the walls are covered in horror movie and band posters. She recognizes some of the movies but almost none of the bands. There are figurines to match those movie posters and a pretty dark blue guitar that Bloom isn’t sure Icy can actually play as well as lots of ice sculptures, decorative skulls, and incense burners. There are other trinkets too; bones, old looking keys, mini-cauldrons, what appears to be a handmade broom, and a few crystals that may or may not be authentic. 

“Hey so, it’s kind of cold in here.” She remarks of the temperature.

Icy nods. “As it should be.” 

Bloom blinks. Icy stares back. Bloom coughs. Icy stares. “Um…?”

“Yeah?”

“I said that it’s cold in here.”

“And I replied that that’s how it should be.” Icy nods and takes her spot on the sofa. 

“I was hoping that you could get me a blanket or something. You do have blankets for guests, right?” Why does Bloom get the sense that she does not? Probably because witches aren’t exactly known for their hospitality. 

“I have blankets for Darcy and Stormy.”

“Can I borrow one?”

Icy shrugs. “At your own peril.” 

“I’ll take the risk.” Bloom decides. 

Icy gets up and tosses her a blanket. If the storm clouds with the angry faces on them are anything to go by, this one belongs to Stormy. She sits back down and pulls out her phone. Usually she texts Darcy and Stormy, sometimes she plays games. The sort of games that have plenty of blood and parental advisory warnings. Bloom tells her about her day and inquires about hers. Icy doesn’t even pretend to be invested in Bloom’s story and replies simply that her day was ‘uneventful’ and ‘pretty boring’. 

“Well are you enjoying the weather? Winter is almost here.”

Icy nods. “I guess. Yeah it’s fine.” 

Bloom sighs. She swears that, somehow, Icy was a lot easier to communicate with when they were taunting and insulting each other across any given battlefield. She is starting to think that the witch doesn’t know how to communicate in any other way. Small talk seems to agitate her but how else are they supposed to get to know each other?

A lot of the time Bloom wonders how she’d managed to start a relationship with Icy when she doesn’t make conversation easy. She thinks that it is nothing short of a miracle that the two of them have made it three months now. 

“Soooo-o…what movie is that poster for? It looks interesting.” 

Icy looks up from her phone to see where Bloom is pointing. 

For the first time in about a week the witch’s eyes light up. “Oh that. That’s a limited edition print of the third unreleased poster for the first Thorn Noose movie. It was the image that they were originally going to use for the 1992 release but they scrapped it for the version of the photo where the noose is simply hanging in the background rather than around Sybilla’s neck. It is signed by several of the actresses, including Sybilla’s, and the film director.”

“That sounds like it was hard to come by.”

Icy nods. “Darcy, Stormy and I spent the night at the theater so that we could be first in line on the premiere date. The first thirteen people in line got to meet the cast and some crew members. I have the meet and greet photos, they’re in that album on top of the decorative box. The one between the two rows of DVDs. It’s a prop box from the Pandora Paradox franchise.” 

Bloom nods along. “And what’s that movie about?’

“Thorn Noose or Pandora Paradox?” She doesn’t wait for an answer. “Thorn Noose is about a woman who was hung using a thorny vine. She was killed after being falsely accused of murdering her own children. She haunts the forest that she was murdered in. She usually takes the form of a raven.” She pauses. “The Pandora Paradox franchise is a bit more complicated. It’s more of a psychological horror film. One of those where you have to pay attention to every single detail and moment or else you will be completely lost. It’s sort of like…” She hums to herself. “We should watch it today. This is a movie that can’t be explained it has to be watched.”

She makes her way around the room, pointing at poster after poster and sharing how she had acquired the poster and what movie or band it is for. The largest band poster is, apparently, a band that had made the soundtrack for a movie called ‘Dread Knot.’ The movie had been named after the band too.

And that’s how Icy is sometimes—grumpy and untalkative until the correct topic is brought up. Bloom doesn’t mind letting her ramble. Not at all, it is rather charming really. Even if Bloom struggles to get a word in, it is rather nice to see Icy in a more chipper mood. 

She pulls a prop dagger off of the wall and lets Bloom hold it. And she lets Bloom look through her CD collection. 

At least now Bloom has a good idea of how to make conversation with her. It’s a start but she would like to be able to talk about their days and silly things like favorite foods and colors. For the time being she continues to ask Icy questions about each movie and band. She probably won’t remember all of it, but she can’t imagine that Icy would have a problem talking about it again. She has a whole lot of opinions about a whole lot of characters and about which sequels were necessary and which ones were just awful. 

It is, Bloom decides to herself, rather precious. She will never say it out loud, lest Icy never show enthusiasm about anything ever again. Regardless, it is up there on her list of things that are kind of cute.

And then they are watching Pandora Paradox and Bloom, despite giving it very intense and undivided attention, has no idea what is going on. Which is fine by Icy who rather enthusiastically takes her through every plotpoint until Bloom, after several yawns and a few glances at the bedroom door, mentions that she is getting sleepy. 

.oOo.

Sometimes she lies awake and overthinks things. It is fairly easy to do. The day had gone well enough. But she thinks that she has gone overboard again. She doesn’t particularly like bringing people over to her apartment because her apartment is comfy. And when she gets comfortable she lets her guard down. And when she lets her guard down her facade starts to crumble. She has worked rather hard to build it up. It is fairly effortless to keep it in place, usually a good glower coupled with a standoffish demeanor does the trick but Bloom has gotten used to that demeanor and tends to just ignore it. She takes disgruntled and aggressive expressions as some sort of challenge. 

The fairy in question is snoring quite loudly next to her and Icy finds herself gritting her teeth. It is such an ugly, grating sound.

Icy rubs her hands over her face. Just as she is about to give the fairy a good jab Bloom's eyelids flutter and she stretches her arms. “You're still awake?”

“You snore really loudly.” Icy mutters. But that isn't the only thing that keeps her awake tonight. 

“You could try a silencing spell.”

“Yeah.”

She casts it less for the sake of ceasing the snoring and more for the sake of evading the questions that Bloom comes to ask the next morning. 

The interrogation begins innocently enough. With a batting of her lashes and a. “why don’t you talk about the things that you enjoy more often?”

Because once she starts, she usually never stops and people at Cloud Tower don’t take kindly to that. She only gets away with it when she slips up because she has the right interests this time around.

Icy shrugs.

“I hear witches talk about things they like all the time.”

B“Yes well…” They don't talk the way that she does. 

“Well what?”

She offers only another shrug.

“You are really mysterious all the time and  for no reason.”

“I have a perfectly good reason.” It is the reason that she has had for as she can remember. Mysterious is cool. It is dark and alluring. 

It keeps her safe.

A nice little mask to cover all of those traits that witches torment fairies and nerdier witches over.

“And what's that?” Bloom tilts her head.

She really ought to tell her the truth. But she hasn't even managed to admit it to Darcy and Stormy. 

To herself even.

“Are you actually secretly a really nice person?”

Icy scoffs. “Don't be ridiculous! I am not a nice person.”

Bloom hums, “if you say so.”

“If you're not a nice person then what are you?”

Icy gives a slight grimace. Sometimes she does feel like a what rather than a who. Sometimes she hates the human body and all of the sensations it comes with.

Sometimes she feels like a witch's body doesn't suit her at all. But she is nit like Mirta, she is no fairy. She is no specialist either. They are all human in shape. Sometimes she feels like a void or a black hole swirling with snowflakes. Sometimes she thinks that that form would better match whatever she has going on in her mind.

That thing that she tries so hard to keep in her head.

That thing that comes out when she gets too comfortable.

Bloom's face falls. “Careless question?”

“Maybe.” 

.oOo.

Getting her to talk is damn near impossible. Bloom supposes that she shouldn't be surprised, Icy isn't exactly forthcoming, especially about things that embarrass her. 

And Bloom can always tell when she is uncomfortable; she stops looking at her, starts tapping around on her phone instead. 

“You're hiding something from me.”

It isn't a question.

“Yes.” Icy replies simply. She frowns slightly and mutters, “from everyone.”

“Everyone?”

Icy twirls her hair around her pointer. She likes to do this, usually when she is bored. Sometimes she braids and I braids her hair just to braid it again.

“Well what is it? Why aren't you telling it to anyone?”

“Because it…I need people to see me as I like to be seen. I don't need you looking at me differently.”

“You stole my magic and tried to very aggressively take over Magix. I don't think that anything you can tell me will change the way I see you.”

“Actually it will.”

“Icy, I've seen Stella stuffing her bra with pillowcases. I don't look at her differently.”

This does not draw the laugh that Bloom had been hoping for. Instead she swears that she sees the witch bite lower lip.

“I'm autistic…” she puts a greater effort into staring at her phone screen. She looks up for a moment. “You don’t look surprised.”

 

“Because I'm not.” She shrugs. “You have this sort of energy. Musa would call it a vibe.”

“A vibe?”

Bloom nods. “I've never met anyone like you before. It's kind of refreshing…even if I do have to put up without particular eating and sleeping habits and I suppose I will give you a pass on you offensive dislike of cheese pizza.”

“Right. Well, most people don't find it refreshing they find it aggravating and ridiculous.” Icy folds her arms.

“So what? You just act aloof, mysterious, and mean to keep people from judging you?”

Icys face seems to falling Bloom cringes. She had always imagine there would be at least a slight sense of triumph in hurting the witch’s pride but the look on her face blows away the last lingering embers of resentment that Bloom had for her.

“I get it…” Bloom mumbles. “It's easier to do the judging and mocking than to be on the receiving end.” She pauses. “Well I guess that I don't get it because I kind of always let people say what they wanted to me. I would tell them to leave me alone and stuff but that never worked.”

“Yeah.” Icy mutters. She is quiet for a good while before confessing, “I used to be pretty open about it…the autism thing.”

“But then…”

“People are assholes so…” she shrugs 

“You became the asshole.”

“I prefer ‘bitch’ but ‘asshole’ works too.”

Bloom breathes a small sigh of relief. There's the sassy, sparky Icy she is so fond of. “You don't have to do that around me though. Or Darcy and Stormy for that matter.”

.oOo.

Icy swallows.

It does sound nice.

To be herself without so much polishing and refining.

Without so many restraints.

She hasn't had that in so long. 

“I don't think that Darcy and Stormy will take so well to that.”

Bloom quirks a brow. “Well I think that Darcy and Stormy have known you so long that they've already figured it out and they just don't want to make it weird.”

“Glad that you have no such restraints.” 

“You should be!” The fairy declares boldly. “It's liberating. Soon you'll have no problem being all kinds if dorky and…”

“Now your pushing it, pixie.”

Bloom raises her hands. “Or you can continue being g a super grumpy menace to society that is too cool for activities like roller disco.”

“Roller disco?”

“Slap on a pair of roller skates, dress in your favorite brightly colored nylon attire, and skate around a roller rink.”

“I'd rather let Clout Tower students take a guided tour of my apartment and…”

“Yes! That's right! Embrace your quirks!”

Icy sighs.

“Make Cloud Tower students pay you money to talk about your favorite subjects!”

Icy sighs again and flops back onto her mattress faces down.

“Just talk until you feel the shame vacating your body like your chance to take over Magix did!”

She holds up her middle finger. Bloom takes her hand and gives her finger a little kiss. 

“Or I can just be so whacky and unpredictable that nobody even pays attention to your bitterly disappointing aversion to pizza.”

“Don't make me regret confiding in you, pixie. I promise that you will rue doing so.”

“You won't regret it.” Bloom smiles in earnest. “This will be good for you. Trust me.”

“Maybe it will be.” She murmurs. She can’t say that she as truly tried to be unrepentantly herself. It would be nice, she thinks, to have a real sense of confidence instead of a false bravado. 

Witches are known for their quirks and oddities anyhow. She takes well to that crowd for exactly that.

She opens her mouth but ‘thank you’ sits so strangely on her tongue. Instead she says, “your advice was surprisingly unshitty today.”

“You're welcome!” Bloom pecks her on her cheek and her face flushes lightly.

[cedarnommer]

Queer music with trans undertones.

That's a topic that I've only breached recently. Call me a little baby queer, but I never knew the wealth of cool music done by very cool people before this. There's a wide range of genres and different types of lyrics to go along with it. In this post, I'll focus down on music that I personally like. It may not be for you and that's perfectly understandable.

Glass Beach is a very cool band and their first album, while unrefined, has 2 songs in particular which I'm obsessed with.

Bedroom community is such a fun song and really holds true to much of my life experiences throughout my life. Because I live in an environment that does its best to isolate queer folk, that meant that the only way I could explore my gender identity and my sexual preferences was through the internet. And while not the point of the song, the song really gets me pumped up to be an annoying blasphemous little gremlin to all the nasty christo-fasc out there.

This song brings me to tears every time. The lyrics are just insanely personal and I think many trans femmes could connect with this song. Being misgendered by your peers and especially your family. Needing a desperate escape. Tackling with adulthood. The little holiday feeling of getting your HRT. It's much. It's so much. I'm bursting into tears even as I type this out. This song is so powerful. I can't help it! It's a song about me! Just for me and me alone! It's so personal aa!

While this song doesn't bring the same reaction from me, the lyrics and the melody is so melancholic and it's such a wonderful song. One of their later and more "mature" works as a band. It's great.

Now I'll do some randomly assorted different artists. I haven't explored their music as deeply as Plastic Beach. But these songs are a highlight for me. And I'm usually a really chaotic listener anyway.

This song is simple but it rocks. While I'm a gender conforming and very woman identifying trans femme, I'm also aware of the absurdity of the gender binary. And I think that even someone like me is inherently confusing and terrifying to the social systems that uphold this nonsensical binary. This song is a good way to remind ourselves how absurd and pointless our divide between "males" and "females" is not based around chromosomes or other confused markers but purely on cultural indicators of identity.

This song's lyrics are wonderful. It kind of reflects my recent posts on Tumblr and my frustration on weirdo internet people obsessed with my genitals and being creeps. Because bigotry is creepy and weird. The chorus of this song is especially really good and I find myself humming it along sometimes.

I'm not into ska, but I really enjoy this song in particular from this genre. The lyrics are fun and the theme of breaking apart and mixing gender identities is fun. It's a fun song. Because once gender stops being used as an authoritarian tool to enforce a binary, it can be fun finding the way to express yourself.

This is some of the stuff I've discovered recently. I think the main reason I'm making this post is a bit more of a serious and grim topic that I've touched upon a bit. I live in the Balkans and I live in a city that's infamous for street fights and toxic masculinity. You can imagine that being a trans femme, even if I pass well, still sets me up for a bunch of dangers. My country's politicians are conservative enough to the point that any idea of rights to LGBT folk isn't even considered, with concepts of queerness being considered a "threat" to the "traditional" family structure. Of course, all of this is a bunch of nonsense.

But it means that spaces for queer people are difficult to find. Apparently people congregate on Facebook, but Facebook where I live at is essentially Twitter. I'm not interested in torturing myself with that. That's left me feeling very isolated. I've recently actually tried to join some local Discord servers, but they were overwhelmingly dominated by cis gay men that seem to only be interested in sex. That's just not for me.

I think listening to music like this helps me feel less alone and more hopeful for the future. If anyone out there is dealing with the same loneliness I am, please find music that reflects your feelings. You'll feel a bit better about the world, knowing that you're not alone and your ideas aren't as foreign as you think.

You're wonderful.

You're valid.

And you're rad as heck.

Queer, trans, non-binary, non-conforming and any fun mixture of sexual orientation. You're the best!

[bubblesandgutz]

Every Record I Own - Day 839: Judas Priest Stained Class

The AOTY-list season serves as a reminder that I haven't checked out nearly as much new music in 2024 as I have in years past.

I feel a little guilty about it. Being a musician, I'm a big believer in staying connected to current artists and their work. At the same time, it's impossible to keep up with the constant stream of new music, and I can't help but feel that one of the ways we're failing artists in this current age is by only giving their work a single cursory listen.

It's fleeting fandom. There were no shortage of great albums that came out this year that I streamed once online and thought "this is really good... I need to listen to this more" and then promptly forgot about. Buying vinyl has always been my way of making sure I dedicate time to REALLY listening to an album, but with as much as I've toured these last two years, I've had to scale my purchases back because I'm simply not home enough to listen to my collection and I'm already slacking on investigating records I bought in 2023.

So I didn't buy many albums that came out in 2024. But that doesn't mean I wasn't listening to a lot of music. In particular, I listened to A LOT of early Judas Priest.

My Judas Priest fandom is a relatively new thing. I've sat on a copy of Screaming For Vengeance for ages, but it wasn't the right entry point for me. But starting sometime around late 2022, I started falling for Sin After Sin. This was the combo I was lacking in my life: good riffs, '70s production, a dash of prog-rock ambition, some sinister undertones, and big choruses. Rob Halford's vocals had always been a bit of a dealbreaker for me as I'm not much of an operatic metal guy, but reading his memoir opened my mind and ears to his approach.

Stained Class is Judas Priest's fourth album, released in 1978. Much like their other '70s albums, there is still an obvious debt to Sabbath and Zeppelin (check out the "Whole Lotta Love" riff in "Saints in Hell"), but Halford out-sings both Ozzy and Plant. Maybe it's because Halford was still a closeted gay man and trying to fly under the radar, but he never seemed to have the larger-than-life persona of Ozzy and Plant. Instead, he put all his effort into treating the voice like a third guitar, helping steer the musical direction of the band while hitting the growling lows of a power chord and the squealing highs of a pinch harmonic.

While I still put Sin After Sin at the top of my Judas Priest list, Stained Class isn't far behind. While never quite hitting the same heights as tracks like "Sinner," "Raw Deal," and "Dissident Aggressor," Stained Class also doesn't lose its momentum with ballads (barring the possible exception of "Beyond the Realms of Death," which is such an obvious influence on Metallica's "Fade to Black" that I think we can safely disqualify it from the ballad designation despite it's delicate verses and slow build). It's a solid record from start to finish, best played at a high volume, but also completely satisfying on a phone speaker while you're barbecuing in your backyard.

Whether it's the amphetamine-fueled hard rock of "Exciter," the sleazy strut of "White Heat, Red Hot," the galloping angst of the title track, the anthemic power of "Invader," or the sinister '70s Sabbath riffage of "Saints in Hell," Stained Class is entertaining from start to finish, and reveals more nuances and embellishments with every listen.

I can't even say how many times I listened to Stained Class in 2024, but it's yet to grow stale or boring. If anything, my appreciation for it has only grown with every spin. And while I could've arguably held back on it and carved out more time for new artists with new albums, I like to think that finding a 46-year-old subversive rock album and latching onto it with an obsession bodes well for any freaks and weirdos that put out records in 2024 hoping their music has a shelf-life beyond this December.

[windvexer]

dear chicken, if its not too much trouble, could i ask for your advice on a situation that's troubling me a lot as of late? my spiritual practice has been suffering due to my being torn between so many different interests and areas of hyperfocus, and i'm unsure how to reconcile all the different things that i'm drawn to but are so culturally different. for example, i'm in love with traditional english folk magic/witchcraft, and have done a lot of research on the regional folklore of places my ancestors are from. at the same time, however, i'm also in love with orphism, and feel no greater contentment and purpose than when i dream about devoting myself to the greek gods. to say nothing about historical/cultural differences and potential disrespect (ancient greece having very different ideas on what constituted "witchcraft" and whether or not it was hubris, for example) i'm just not sure how to even go about reconciling how these would work together as part of a practice. genuinely, i feel distressed, stuck, and as if i am simultaneously letting down my ancestors /and/ those who historical practices i have put on a pedestal.

Hi, Anon.

Do you think it's possible that you might have very unrealistic standards for what it actually means to practice your faith?

Because, please forgive me if I'm wrong, but I have a sneaking suspicion that you might be making up a ton of rules for yourself.

Have your ancestors visited you and told you they would be disappointed in you if you practiced anything other than English folk magic? If so, why do you hold their opinions to be higher than your happiness? If so, what steps have you taken to reconcile your relationship with your ancestor and reach a place of mutual understanding so they won't be upset with you for doing what makes you happy?

Approximately one billion modern witches practice witchcraft and intentionally include the Greek gods in their witchcraft, or, have a faith centered around the Greek gods and practice witchcraft on the side. A Greek goddess has personally helped me with my witchcraft even though I'm not even a pagan.

Is there anything that makes you feel that you in particular would disrespect the gods by doing this, even though other people do it and it improves their relationship with the gods?

(I also just now remembered Hekate, isn't she like, the highkey Greek goddess of witchcraft? Why wouldn't she want you to both venerate the Greek gods and practice witchcraft?)

If the gods have told you that you can't practice folk magic without disrespecting them, what steps have you taken to understand why they have this special rule for you that they do not have for other people? Have they told you that this is temporary, or permanent? When you've offered solutions, what did they say?

And if these assholes are all banding up on you telling you that you can't do what makes you happy and weaponizing their disappointment to make you fall in line, why do you want to work with any of them at all? You deserve better.

But, Anon, I secretly suspect that none of that has happened. I suspect that you might have just made up a lot of rules for yourself and decided everyone will be mad at you unless you dedicate yourself to 1 thing and do it 100% perfectly.

I'm not saying that sometimes ancestors don't bully people into following a certain path, or that gods ask for very special levels of devotion once your relationship gets to a certain point. But I'm also not suspecting that this is the case for you.

It's just that, I dunno. To me it sounds like you're acting like any particular path you take is like locking yourself inside of a monastery to the exclusion of all else, like instead of starting out chill, you're wanting to start out as a devotee initiate ready to take lifelong vows.

Instead of just like, praying to Hermes to help with traffic and then later that week giving your ancestors a meal.

You're saying you don't know how this would look in practice, which makes me worry that you're trying to write a textbook about how to do your practice without ever actually having learned the material.

You can never know what it looks like before you do it.

You are not supposed to able to envision a complete, polished pathway before you put your hiking boots on.

You don't even need to be able to see around the first corner.

Toad charm to cure a cold, veil to limit Miasma. Pray to the ancestors, then to Zeus. I don't see the conflict. And if Apollo gets mad at you for doing your ancestral coffee grind readings because it isn't Greek enough for him, sort that out when it happens.

But wait until it happens before you worry about it.

[gojoswhitebabydolllashes]

Saving the idol

Song mingi x Fem!OC (Hyerin)

-

Overview: After finally submitting to her friend's pleading, Hyerin finally joins her in front row tickets to the ATEEZ concert and sees a side to the band, and one rapper in particular, that even their die hard fans hadn't seen.

-

Warnings: I do not know. Go easy on me😭😭 I'm very new to this fandom. This isn't based on any specific performance or event that has happened to mingi.

-

Lini stood at the doors of the Arena shaking with excitement as she waited for the doors to open. The Beaming US sun was hot, and Hyerin swore her makeup would melt off any second if they didn't go inside soon.

"I hope Seonghwa signs my poster!" Lini giggled and pulled out her phone to take a picture with the massive paper.

Hyerin looked around, seeing hundreds upon thousands of fans dressed in monochrome colours and extravagant jewelery. Upon taking notice of her own outfit, she could only thank Lini for the hint about wearing darker colours.

Her black pinstripe two-piece consisting of buttoned shorts and a corset top kept the sun beaming down upon her exposed skin. Hyerin quickly noticed that lini had started talking to two girls who wore matching black jumpsuits with the band members' names written on them in white.

Hyerin saw them giggle collectively and laughed to herself. "I'm gonna go to the bathroom, okay?" She tapped Lini on the shoulder.

"Okay, but be quick! Doors open in 10!"

Hyerin nodded and walked off into the vast crowd of fans. Reaching the back of the line in thankfully a few minutes. Looking around at the venue, Hyerin saw only one toilet, which was a far ways away down the street, and that meant having to go through even more people.

Hyerin sighed and started to walk back to Lini, who wasn't hard to lose due to her tall ponytail.

"I thought you went to the bathroom?" Lini questioned

"They're ages away, I can just wait," Hyerin shrugged.

At the same moment, Lini goes to speak, the doors the the arena open, and the fans start to flood in with the help of about 7 security guards to keep safety in check.

Lini screamed and jumped up and down ecstatically.

Hyerin laughed at her friend, and as they walked slowly into the arena, something in Hyerin's stomach told her this was going to be the best choice of her life.

-

The loud speakers thumped into Hyerin's ears as one of the members, which Hyerin knew as San, started to sing loudly into his microphone above the others. As much as Her head was aching, Hyerin couldn't deny that she was indeed having a lot of fun, and their voices were a symphony of energy that bathed the arena in adrenaline.

"That's mingi!" Lini yelled at Hyerin, pointing to one of the members with bright orange hair in a black leather jacket.

Mingi. Hyerin stared at him as he rolled his hips, holding his fist out in front of him. The entire group was doing the dance, but staring at Mingi, Hyerin felt he was definitely leading the stage in that moment.

The loud thrumming of the beat to say my name made Hyerin excited as the arena followed the sleek moves of the group. Hyerin had never been grinded on by so many people before but since her eyes had stayed on mingi, she couldn't have cared less.

As the song progressed on, mingi moved to the front to perform his solo. His rap had the arena shaking either literally or metaphorically. He croutched down to the front row, stilling singing while making moves with his hands and fingers.

Unaware of her actions, Hyerin somewhere had found herself reaching up for the stage as she screamed and yelled the lyrics, and upon the sudden graze of her hand on his shoe, Mingi looked down at Hyerin with a glint in his pretty eyes.

His face was pristine. Perfect is possibly every way. Plump pink lips and high cheekbones had never looked better.

He gave her a smile and then walked back down the stage toward Yunho and Seonghwa. It made Her feel fuzzy inside, seeing Mingi smile at her like that. She wasn't even sure why it felt so amazing, but it did, and her heart was racing a million miles an hour.

-

By the end of the concert, Hyerin was exhausted but still bursting with adrenaline running through her now sweaty body. Lini poked up beside her.

"That was absolutely amazing. You got so into it, girl!" Lini playfully pushed Hyerins shoulder.

Hyerin scoffed and smiled at her friend. "You know what?! It definitely was worth the 500 bucks!"

Once the two had reached outside, it was about 2am, and everyone who was once bursting with energy was now tired, and some crying now that the concert was over.

"I'm gonna go pee, I'll be right back. Stay here" Hyerin told Lini before she walked off.

The air was warm and clinging to Hyerin's already sticky and sweaty skin. She crossed her arms and tried to find a bathroom anywhere.

Somewhere from around the corner, she could hear a female voice and a male voice. The male sounded mildly afraid, and the female was extremely hyper. Hyerin poked her head around to see Mingi and what looked to be a fan, In some kind of altercation.

Or which, Mingi actually looked pretty afraid, and the female was beginning to corner him. Hyerin tried to be quiet, but the gravel beneath her boots crunched, alerting Both Mingi and the girl.

"Yo, I think he's had enough." Hyerin put her hands to her front as she approached the girl.

The look in the females eyes scared Hyerin a little as she cautiously walked toward her. "Who the hell are you!" The girl yelled and pointed. "Their manager?!"

Hyerin chuckled nervously. "No, but I am the daughter of a police officer, so if you wanna pick a fight, I would do it with someone else"

The girl scoffed and walked away. Hyerin stilfed a laugh at the fact that it was that easy to get her away. She lowered her hands.

"Thank you so much," Mingi Panted. "i-i cannot thank you enough seriously"

Hyerins' eyes widened. Despite what had taken place, she couldn't actually believe Mingi was right in front of her.

She cleared her throat. "You don't have to thank me. Are you alright? That looked pretty bad" Hyerin asked the idol.

Mingi stood tall. "I'm alright. It actually happens a lot, so I can't say I was absolutely terrified"

Hyerin scoffed and raised her brows, applauding mingis bravery internally. The male stood like a tower in a leather jacket and black suit pants. His bare torso on display.

He was infact more gorgeous up close.

"Let me repay you for helping me," Mingi offered. "I swear I'll get you free tickets to tomorrow nights show,"

Hyerin chuckled. "That won't be necessary, truly it's okay. As long as your alright"

Mingi went to speak before another male voice called out, then another, then another, and before she knew it, Hyerin was watching the other 7 members of Ateez walk toward her. All were equally as intimidating in their own way, dressed in all leather and black outfits they looked like some kind of Mafia.

"Min! Bro, are you all good? You've been gone for a while!" A shorter male Hyerin knew as Wooyoung put his hand on Mingis shoulder.

"I'm fine, guys" Mingi smiled softly.

"Who's this?" Seonghwa questioned, gesturing toward Hyerin.

"Oh!" She exclaimed."I'm, no one really. I'm just trying to find the bathroom"

"She just saved me from this crazy girl," Mingi told the group.

A few of them were gasped. "You're a hero!" Hongjoong's eyes widened, sparkling in the dim light.

Hyerin couldn't help but laugh and watch as San gestured Mingi over to him. The rapper obeyed and walked toward his friend who mumbled something to him in Korean.

The others laughed and made silly noises at Mingi. Mingi strided toward Hyerin with a nervous smile on his pink lips.

"Let this be my debt to you," Mingi grinned and gently grabbed Hyerins arm and wrote something on her skin.

Mingis hands were warm, but his metal rings were cool in contrast, making Hyerin shiver. Mingi held the marker lid between his pure white teeth as he wrote. He pulled the lid out and out it on the marker.

"For whenever you need me, doll," he put his large hand on her shoulder and smiled at her sweetly.

"Maybe we'll see you around hero," Mingi grinned and collectively, all the members of Ateez waved me goodbye and thanked me for helping mingi before they walked off.

Too stunned to speak, Hyerin looked at her arm.

It was a phone number.