#this is where you go when you die
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#columbo#season 2#etude in black#this is where you go when you die#you open your eyes in a black void of a room. the only other person in it is columbo#i hope youre ready because he's about to comb through all your deeds and misdeeds#and he makes no value judgements. not overtly at least. maybe a raised eyebrow at the time you quietly wiped a booger on your friend's coat
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i love you royal trio (minus akechi)
#i was listening to the world we knew by frank sinatra while drawing this to inflict maximum emotional damage 😔#royal actually shot me fifty times in the chest and slaughtered my entire family#i’m actually inconsolable over the ending what the fuck do you mean akechi chooses to die of his own volition rather than be manipulated#god it’s just. his character actually makes me violent and insane. they’re going to drag me kicking and screaming to the psych ward#he never had an ounce of control over his life. not even once. he was CONSTANTLY being yanked around like a marionette#until he was disposed of as another pawn in shido’s plan#and then out of some cruel irony he was resurrected even though he did not want to be alive#for once in death he would have found peace—only for that to be taken from him too.#and bc he thinks he’s worthless and his life is so easily gambled away he doesn’t view it as a major dealbreaker when maruki brings it up#“do you really think something as trivial as my life should stand in the way of your decision?” yes you fucking asshole#what do you mean he’s literally fated to die in every timeline? definition of doomed by the narrative#there’s not a single version of his story that doesn’t end with him being slaughtered#GODDDDD he makes me violently ill i hate goro akechi so much he’s so fucking selfish HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT THIS DEAL IS TEARING ME APART#i was so tempted to get the bad ending just so that he was alive ☹️#he looked so happy. he was surrounded by people who loved and treasured him.no shido. control over his life. the ability to choose his futu#TEARS IN MY EYES MARUKI WAS THE ONLY VILLAIN WHO WAS LOWKEY MAKING SENSE 😭😭😭😭😭#my toxic trait is that i think maruki was right all along 😔#ALSO SUMIRE AAUUGGHHHH 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#the survivors guilt literally eating her alive until the point where she gaslighted herself into thinking she was her sister. insane.#royal was so good bro i’m so glad i endured 200 hours of hell just to play it#terrible terrible ending with everyone going their separate ways and ren ending up in juvie for months#akechi actually being dead in the good ending is so fucked up 😭😭 i thought there was some way maruki could bring him back regardless#not ren hallucinating him in the last cutscene too 😭😭😭😭 “i still see your shadows in my room” ahh ending#persona 5 royal#persona 5#ren amamiya#akira kurusu#sumire yoshizawa#goro akechi#lotus draws
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since layer 7 dropped you can send literally any enemy to go kill something wicked repeatedly & v2 being the one to do that is just really funny to me
#ultrakill#something wicked#v1#v2#its gonna fucking KILL YOU!!!!#it literally circles around them like it does v1 and its really funny to me. like Really funny#you can hear something wicked start hissing as v2 hunts it down#literally almost got me when i was camping out in the terminal room but v2 saved me.........#very fun to mess with#minos was funnier but much worse#couldnt even figure out where they went i could just hear him going DIE and slamming into the ground before something wicked started making#-noises again and teleporting#i stand by something wicked being the ONLY thing v1 is afraid of#because me too. honestly#gen art
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Okay but it's super interesting how
Din = Power = Ganondorf
Naryu = Wisdom = Zelda
Farore = Courage = Link.
Because Din, in the hylian creation myth, created the physical world. Naryu then created the laws - gravity, time, etc. And Farore finally created life - plants and people.
Din created the body, naryu the mind, Farore the soul.
And the triforce and its wielders so perfectly reflect that.
Ganon is physical power, he is big and intimidating and he breaks things. He is cunning and determined, but that's not what he focuses on. He is might makes right.
Zelda is wisdom and cleverness. She is stall tactics and information and team work. She is a powerful mage with a spine of steel, but that's not how she'll win. She is the pen being mightier than the sword.
Link is courage and persistence. He is the wild card sneaking behind enemy ranks, always moving, plunging into terrifying situations head first. He's a phenomenal fighter with a keen wit, but that's not what will get him through his challenges. He is bravery not being the absence of fear but the triumph over it.
They sit in perfect parallels to each other.
And ganon is reborn through his body - his resurrection is immortality. No matter how low he is cast, as long as he has a body he can claw his way back. He can cling to his power, build it ever higher.
Zelda is reborn through the magic of her bloodline. It's the accumulated knowledge handed down for generations, the unique power she must master, the skills she must develop to survive and get her kingdom out the other side intact. Even her name, the knowledge of herself, is handed down from all the way from the very first. Her ancestors knowledge of her future presence, her stability, is what gives her the edge.
Link is reborn in spirit. He is not bound by flesh or blood. Just like his wanderlust soul he can reappear in any time or place. His variation, his unpredictability, is exactly how he fights. It's what makes him so hard to pin down.
Ganons need to build strength means he can't chase after link. Links impulsiveness means zelda can outwit him. Zeldas stationary predictability means she's an easy target for ganon.
But the other direction?
Fire melts ice, ice redirects lightning, lightning burns fire.
And that's the very essence of the triforce.
#It's little details spread across the games like this that just makes it work so WELL it's SO COOL#They're all great at all parts of the triforce but they CHOOSE to focus on the path most meaningful to them#And that's literally reflected in their unique cycles of reincarnation isn't that just AMAZING#And that's why the team up is so important! If they were all working against each other they'd be locked spinning their wheels#If zelda and ganon teamed up link would immediately die and if link and ganon teamed up zelda would instantly perish#It's the link zelda team up that means ganon is the one who kicks it#Also the elemental thing was cool but they do jump around a bit. Like wind is there half the time#In botk the gerudo have lightning and the goron have fire. Farosh still has lightning tho and dinraal fire#In ss lanaryu was the lightning and faron had water like its all over the place thematically. And that's when it's only 3!#Don't even get me started on the 5/7 lots notankyu#But that's the most common group and it's also thematically accurate#Fire being the only one able to self perpetuate with fuel. Can be banked up again. Ice compresses with time but needs the right environment#Lightning go boom ��� you can feel the static in the air but you don't know when/where it'll strike and then it's all over#Like fr it's hilarious zelda and ganon are playing the long game and link runs past eats all the pieces and while ganons yelling after him#Zelda checkmates his king. And nobody can prove she wasn't cheating because nobody was looking lmao#Ah the duality of metaphors#ANYWAY isn't that so neat???#Reason no.372 why rhoam was a terrible king he didn't just screw up he did it ✨thematically✨#If link had been allowed to run off and get dirty and if zelda was allowed to study her interest (like post kingdom fall FOR EXAMPLE)#They'd have won (like aoc) but nooooooo. I've already made a post (or 3) about it lmao I'll be quiet now#loz#legend of zelda#botw#triforce#loz link#the legend of zelda#zelda#loz botw#ganondorf#loz ganon
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jim being canonically the shortest one of the triumvirate is genuinely so important to me lmao, like yesssssss, let that beefy babe be shorter than both his boyfriends!!!!
#james t kirk#star trek#star trek tos#st:tos#it's me and i against the tide of ppl shrinking bones lmaooo. which is fine obviously whatever makes ppl happy - go forth & shrink the doc!#but jim canonically being the shortest.......i love it so much.......he absolutely lowkey has a chip on his shoulder about it.......#he is SO beefy and strong and can haul both his boyfriends around!!!! but it doesn't change the fact that he's shorter <33333333#it's only like an inch difference between him and bones but jim hates it!!! and also pretends he doesn't hate it <3333#jim kirk my beloved!!!!!!!!!!!#there's some casual comment made about it and then *six hours* later jim is like 'AND FOR THE RECORD I AM *BARELY* SHORTER THAN YOU'#and bones is just '............what? where is this coming from???? and jim's like 'THAT REMARK THE PRIESTESS MADE SIX HOURS AGO'#and bones is just '..........when we're no longer in the middle of a firefight we should probably talk about this and why you're so upset'#'in the meantime though can we please get out of this firefight because i don't wanna die'#spock; SUPER helpfully: and as the doctor is taller than you captain he does make a more visible target#bones; scrubbing his hand across his face: SPOCK YOU'RE NOT HELPING#spock: .....i did not realize you expected me to#mcspirk
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Danse Macabre
[Commission]
#dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi spoilers#marcille donato#winged lion#better drawn mdzs#<- art tag I really need to change.#Turns out the secret to drawing better was having someone offer you money to draw.#I jest. I just had a blast with this prompt and I seriously appreciate the commissioner for letting me have the chance to push myself.#And for giving me permission to post! Hi! If you're seeing this: thank you again!#Let me be clear: no I don't quite know where this came from. It just happened. My chakras unblocked for a few hours.#You too can unblock my chakras with money and commission me to draw cool art B*)#We are so far off from when this is relevant so this one is really just for the manga readers. *****Spoiler notes ahead:#So...As someone who read dungeon meshi monthly for many years....I admit to not seeing Marcille becoming the dungeon lord coming#Hilarious too; re-reading and watching the show made me realize that this outcome is pretty strongly foreshadowed.#Ryoko Kui distracts you by putting the focus on Laios being the 'one to break the curse' but nope!#This was the culmination of her goals and desires.#And - for those who did not have to suffer as us monthly readers did:#YES. WE NEARLY ALL THOUGHT THAT MARCILLE HAD TO DIE.#The last 20 or so chapters were a constant spiral of: 'Oh this story isn't going to have a happy ending is it?'#She just keeps losing herself! The winged lion plays her like a puppet and she is his perfect doll! So full of conviction!
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Ok let's go back to this line from Agatha All Along
"it's underwater! There's a boy. It's a prank. They tricked him. He's gonna drown. it's a bad place. And the people, the family, there's no one to love him! He's got no one!"
Guys we're getting some Tommy lore and it's heart breaking💔 (we knew it would be).
#tommy maximoff#tommy shepherd#guys this is more then marvel comics has given us for his backstory in.... ever#agatha all along#agatha spoilers#do you think someone pulled him out of the water? or did he pull himself out? do you think he remembers or is it like billy?#is there gonna be resentment from tommy cus this is where billy placed him while he got a good family?#and here we go guys! the twin that will see wanda as his Mom! now if she acknowledges that.... eh#in the comics they dont interact but the writers say off panel they have a good relationship#which is something....#the only panel i think of that has tommy and wanda in it by themselves is when hes protecting her dead body#also hes not really there as in mentally cus he JUST WATCHED HIS MOM DIE! like eyeboy and david tried to stop him from her body...#obviously they failed.#no hate to them the writers only like writing tommy in pain
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clearly trying to stop fixating on "productivity" has actually improved my focus
#gradblr#phdblr#phd life#phd#studyblr#study motivation#listen tumblr's new thing where you can copy paste previous tags and they paste as tags instead of a line of tags is impressive#omggg you can also edit the text in a tag?????!!!!#hello when did tumblr actually start listening to our suggestions and implementing them???#look i know those are fake flowers but hey my office is a little bleak and i needed some reminders of happiness and fresh flowers are#difficult because a) they dont sell them near campus and b) i go in pretty sporadic so they wilt and die so easily#even though the same flowers would last weeks when i get them for the house
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woag .. otp
#fma#royai#riza hawkeye#roy mustang#talking to user chrysopoeias reminded me of this doodle i posted on twitter ages ago#im too dumb to make analysis textposts with my opinions so you get (checks notes) royai experiencing post nut clarity#about how funny i think it is that riza bases all her self value into how useful she is or isn't being#while roy is like wow.. i love riza can't believe she still by my side after all i've done ..#in the hospital scene after the lust fight where roy is scolding her there's a part he says he's going to keep trusting her with his back#and she looks genuinely surprised as if she really expected him to just throw her out because she failed and lost her utility#when he's mostly angry because riza gave up on life so easily and he doesn't want her to die. he can't live in a world without her#riza babe ur so mentally ill <3
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need the historical romance girlies to go back to their roots and read forever amber (1944)
#forever amber#kathleen winsor#it's SO serious y'all. five star book and it didn't even have to make me cry i'm going to think about it for the rest of my life#amber is the ubermensch of unlikable female characters and i am obsessed with her. worst woman in the world. wife city.#there's a terrifying section set during the plague where she has to nurse her Main Lover (horrible dude. hate his guts) back to life#two of the nurses sent to help die of plague then right when the horrible man gets better amber also gets sick#so they get a third nurse who is willing to murder them both to get their money so horrible dude murders her first#the plague section is soooo tense and scary it's almost a novella in itself. wonderful writing and detail#kathleen winsor read 365 books about restoration england and was painting diagrams of houses and dresses#ma'am i'm sorry i think i have to retroactively make you take the autism test. incredible devotion to history#there's also a great bit where amber murders her abusive third husband (out of four) and disguises it with the fire of london#literally what else can you want from a book#lit#sometimes i make stuff
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The earth takes care of you (in life and in death)
#been thinkin abt him ever since i made that post. feels like i could've done something more but idk what to even change at this point#never thought id be this insane abt cole ninjago. anyway the earth is where you go when you die!!#ninjago#lego ninjago#ninjago fanart#cole ninjago#cole brookstone
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One of the things that had my mind spinning for a while is that in the Shadowheart origin, if you reject Shar, Minthara will apologize. She will believe that she and the rest of the companions held Shadowheart back from achieving her destiny. She blames herself for Shadowheart making a choice completely on her own, thinking that Shadowheart's concern for herself and others held her back. Minthara feels it to be her fault that Shadowheart is not as powerful as she could be and she is to blame for Shadowheart walking away from her destiny. Minthara sees herself as having failed for Shadowheart making the choice that she did.
I know it is cut content and cannot really be considered canon, but she does something similar in the breakup. Where she's yelling at Durge and asking why they rejected Bhaal. And Durge can tell her it's cause they love her. When the breakup was slipped in, I was initially so angry because Minthara calls Durge stupid for choosing love over power (when Minthara herself chooses love over power). Especially since the breakup happens like 10 minutes after the alurlssrin confession where she says the two of you have an unbreakable bond. I used to be so confused on why she would be so upset that you actually loved her. Then I realized that she's not upset that you love her. She's upset cause she fears that your love for her held you back.
Even though she sees you as her equal, she keeps putting herself as less than you. Where your wants and desires are more important than her own, and your greatness should be put above any affection you have for her. She wants you to love her of course, but she does not want to be what holds you back from reaching for power. To Minthara, power is safety and she has never felt safe. She wants you to keep elevating yourself cause the stronger you are, the safer you will be and by extension, the safer she will be. So you picking her over power means you are less safe and by consequence, she is less safe. And as much as Minthara loves loves, she needs to be safe first. It's why it seems like she keeps making the same dumb mistakes over and over, getting herself into precarious situations. It isn't because she's necessarily blinded by love, but she feels her proximity to power should keep her safe.
I also had a discussion with someone on Reddit, talking where it almost seems like Minthara keeps putting herself in positions of servitude, despite having some pretty ambitious goals involving world domination. We are talking about someone who has been a servant of Lolth her entire life. She tells us she was raised to be a soldier in Lolth's army and that was all she was meant to be. For 200+ years she was a servant and has never been anything else and doesn't know how to be anything else, and I believe she is too afraid to try to be anything else.
As a paladin, she was responsible for keeping social order, follow the word of whatever Priestess was in charge and enacting Lolth's will, partake in surface raids, and kill any of Lolth's enemies. There was very little room for her to achieve what she wanted, because Lolth had to come first. And even if there were things she wanted for herself, they still ultimately had to please Lolth in the end. Her time in the Absolute is no different. She just swaps the Absolute for Lolth and keeps up with the same shit (although she is too brainwashed to tell). So of course she is stunned when Lolth abandons her and the Absolute attempts to kill her and throws her deep into a crisis of faith. 200+ years of service has always bought her safety, until it didn't. So when you come along, she just swaps you for the Absolute. Telling herself, "I just need to be better than I was for the Absolute, better than I was for Lolth, and I should be okay." And her little rant about the gods, Lolth, Bhaal, the Absolute. Minthara is not anti-god. Minthara is anti-gods who do not reward their followers for their service. Because to her, service should be rewarded with something (other than death). She plays both sides when it comes to Shar because although she does think Shar is a poison in Shadowheart's life and believes Shadowheart is better off without Shar, at least Shar did reward Shadowheart for her service by making her a Dark Justiciar and elevating her to Chosen.
You would think she'd learn, but she doesn't. Not because she's stupid, but because her basic need for safety isn't being met. And so be fair, her "mistakes" with Lolth and the Absolute were relatively recent. So she keeps pushing people down the path of ruin and never going down the path herself directly, thinking that if she helps you become powerful, she will be safe. Where if she stands beside as you walk down this path, you will reward her for her service. Where she does not believe you would betray her because she helped you get that power. Where she thinks her service to you should buy her safety. Because to her, the most important thing she can be to you is useful. And she is terrified of being useless. So she provides you with unbreakable loyalty, devotion, and servitude, (and perhaps love). Where she will help you achieve your ambitions, whether it be to become a Dark Justiciar, the Vampire Ascended, the Slayer, or a god. Her path to safety, and greatness, and true power is forever lost to her down in the Underdark. So all she can do is help you walk down yours.
She keeps doing the same stupid shit over and over, making the same mistakes with people over and over, cause her fundamental need to safety is never being satisfied. And her service to various gods and entities technically did buy her safety, but only for an unknown period of time. And when she loses that safety, she thinks that the problem is her. That she was punished because she was not a good enough servant. That if she was a truly good servant, she won't lose your safety and your protection. And she thinks love interferes with your perception of her as a servant. She wants you to see her as a loyal servant first, lover second, because the only things in her life to be truly rewarded was her service, whereas her love got punished.
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#minthara#minthara baenre#evil murder kitten#it seems like the endings where she is truly doing things for herself is the underdark and baldur's gate ending#but she doesn't seem particularly happy with her underdark ending as she is very much afraid that she is going to die and is going insane#i adore the avernus ending with karlach - but she is going to avernus *for* karlach#but karlach is especially unique because karlach does not have a power grab related theme to her story#and karlach doesn't particularly seem to care about power or achieving power#so her doing stuff *for* karlach is also a choice she is making for herself as going to avernus is not to make karlach more powerful#but to keep her alive#her being a paladin also means she will innately be in service of someone else or do things on the behalf of someone else#and a lot of paladin oaths seem to break the moment the paladin puts their own goals and ambitions above their oaths#and even she feels a sense of freedom if she becomes an oath breaker and prefers being one#minthara only starts putting herself first after you show her that she can - and that it isn't so scary#that eternal servitude is not a requirement for safety and affection#and it becomes clear that her sticking by your side in the end - even when you reject power - is no longer to seek the need of safety#but because she genuinely does love you even if you are not as powerful as you could be
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This was going to be a panel of a little comic but I got too invested in drawing minute background details so, here.
#They are having an argument over 1) whether crops can be grown on the moons 2) what - if any - impact does this have on the feasibility#of an afterlife being located on the moons#Brakul is a partial convert to the Imperial Wardi faith but this mostly entails having adopted the seven faced God (and some#other elements of the belief system) into his worldview and participating in expected rites while retaining his central#ancestor veneration practices completely unchanged and mostly prioritized.#This doesn't actually cause much friction in of itself with the big exception being disagreements on the afterlife#Wardi practices surrounding death prioritize proper handling of the corpse and funerary rites in order to get the dead where they#need to be- death is a fraught transition from one state to another. analogous to birth. The role of the living is to get the dead through#this transition (preventing them from being stuck earthbound as earthbound ghosts - which is the Bad afterlife). Once the dead#make it to the moons that's it. They don't really interact with the living. There's plenty of conceptualization of what it's Like#in the lunar lands but the cultural priority is not even slightly on the Logistics of existence there.#Whereas the CORE of religious practice among the Hill Tribes is ancestor veneration - ancestors remain interactive with the living#and require/desire their continual support. They are conceptualized as having earthlike 'lives' where they eat and drink#and grow crops and herd livestock and they need the support of the living (in prayers and offerings) to do so prosperously.#There is a HIGH cultural priority on the logistics of their afterlife and it's self-apparent that the world of the dead needs fertile earth#to support them.#So like bottom line Brakul thinks there's no goddamn way that the moons could support an afterlife (they are described as#barren rock that was flung into the sky during creation and certainly Look that way)#and that the Wardi are just wrong about their afterlife's location. They probably go to the celestial fields (which are located#behind the moons and stars) like everyone else#And Janeys finds this aggravating and doesn't see his fucking point but has developed a nagging concern that Brakul Could be#partly right in that the celestial fields could Maybe exist in addition to the lunar lands.#So like maybe they aren't going to go to the same place when they die?#He's already terrified that he'll be stuck as an earthbound ghost and really doesn't want to be even further separated so#he figures he should make sure he gets himself dead and cremated at the same time as Brakul so they can navigate the#transitional period together.#Brakul is unconcerned because he figures that if Janeys actually does get stuck on those barren ass moons he can just kinda#Go Get Him#Ancestor spirits fly to the earth all the time and the moons would be a much shorter distance. Probably wouldn't be an issue.#Long story short these disagreements and underlying anxieties result in fights over whether you can grow corn on the moons or nah
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They made hyoga look so much cooler in the anime hes just standing there , in the manga theyre all dripping wet and bedraggled and senku is dying as usual
#Dr stone#isnt it cute that he was holding onto tsukasa for dear life for that whole sequence .....#after hearing his name called so weakly im sure he would not have let go of tsukasa come hell or high water ... he was covering his wound#with such a shaky hand like he was so fucking stressed out but he couldnt let tsukasa be swept away from him he had to keep both their head#afloat the whole time they were fighting against the current and tsukasa is also twice his size and complete dead weight#ALSO HANG ON WAIT I JUST REALISED SOMETHING#HYOGA... wanted to get senku alone to talk to him but he attacked tsuaksa ... and when hyoga wanted to hit tsukasa he attacked mirai#thats scary because he immediately identified that theyre ride or die together ... hyoga is the original tsukasen shipper#hes like oh you guys love each other ? Well that makes it easier for me#also this was the first time i noticed he wears short shorts and leather thigh high boots. omg slay queen where did you get your boots !#they wanted to make him a classic withdrawn coolguy with a samurai-esque work ethic but actually hes mega camp and a sweety (killed someone
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pairing: hoshina soushirou x gn!reader (no prns)
summary: he struggled to fall in love while you struggled to value your life the way you valued others, entire fic is inspired by one line from nandemonaiyo by macaroni empitsu
warnings: not suicidal acts but it is very selfless behaviour from the reader, reader does not exactly fear death, hoshina calls you "darling"
wc: 1500
Hoshina Soushirou struggled to fall in love, to accept that he was in love without feeling so terribly vulnerable, and you knew this. On the other hand, you struggled to value your own life the way you valued others, and he knew this. And surprisingly, or perhaps unfortunately, this combination pieced together your relationship far better than one would expect.
You were a platoon leader in the 3rd division, and you’ve been for quite a while now. You were good at what you did, bringing people together and livening up the mood when times got dark. Still, you were strong enough to not only get the job done, but also to cover for your officers when things got tough. While you enjoyed what you did, and took pride in the position you were given, you weren’t exactly fond of it anymore.
You were sick and tired of seeing your officers die, and the thought of them gone kept you up at night. Not to mention there was nothing could get rid of the guilt you felt when you had to inform their loved ones of their passing. Well, perhaps you didn’t have to inform them personally, but to you, it was the least you could do. But it hurt you so much, no matter the number of times you’ve gone through it through all these years. Even if it was inevitable considering your job, and even if it wasn’t something you had much control over, you just couldn’t get used to it— nor did you really want to. So a few years back, you had sworn that you’d protect your officers, even if it meant you’d lose your life. If risking your life was going to save theirs, there wasn’t even a need to hesitate, you’d do it every single time.
And Hoshina knew this. He knew you would and he also knew there was no stopping you at this point, because he agreed. He was the vice-captain of the 3rd division, he knew exactly how you felt and couldn’t agree more. He also knew that you took these passings to your heart. He knew the thoughts kept you up at night, and he knew just how much they broke your heart. So subconsciously, he tried not to get attached. He had locked up his feelings after a while and so he loved you a little— just a little. He was good at this too, because he naturally struggled to fall in love in the first place. He struggled to accept he was in love.
And as horrible as this sounded, you knew this and you wanted him to, because when it comes down to it, if you were to leave him behind, what you were doing would be no different. And that was the last thing you wanted to do— leave someone who loved you behind.
While this sounded like nothing more than a broken relationship, at the end of the day you were undeniably in love with him and he was as well— there was no doubting that. Although he didn't believe in being with someone while constantly on the brink of death, he still loved you and he still wished to be by your side, the same way you were absolutely in love with him. So this was just the way it was.
It was obvious whenever one of your officers passed, it was always all over your face. As soon as you walked into your shared unit, even if you put on a smile and laughed, he’d see it in your eyes right away. He’d sense it in the way you walked and the way you talked. The way you’d be a little zoned out, and sounded terribly exhausted.
Every time this happened, he made you a warm cup of tea and squeezed your cheeks as he gave you a warm kiss, and you’d realize that he caught on again. Today was one of those days again.
“It’s not your fault, darling,” he said. “You did everything you could, I know this. You know this.”
“Sorry, I don’t mean to mope around and ruin your day,” you said, and he shook his head. “I’m just a little tired of myself, for watching my coworkers who followed my lead and trusted my orders to just… die. Also, horribly ashamed to face their family— I could never apologize enough.”
“Yeah, that’s probably the hardest part,” he said.
“I know they don’t blame me, nor do they show how lost they are when they’re in front of me,” you said. “But when they’re alone, at night, they’ll start to think. It’s always harder for those left behind.”
“I won’t ever leave you behind,” he said as he kissed your forehead.
“Oh, don’t say that now,” you said. “When I’m gone you better not mope around. You're going to go find someone who won’t go dying on you any moment. You better not miss me.”
“Oh, don’t you say that. We’re not trying to jinx anything over here,” he said, flicking you on the forehead, which you quickly put your hand over. “Besides I’ll be fine. You know this.”
You did, and it made you smile. While even you thought it’d break your heart to hear the man you loved say he’d be fine without you, it was still a bit of a relief to you. This was okay.
“But really, you’d better not leave me behind,” you said.
“I would never,” he said.
“You promise?”
“I promise.”
He’d be lying if he said this didn’t break his heart a little, but he did find strange comfort in it. Or he used to at the very least. He had always been this way, it had always scared him to fall in love, to find someone important to him, and become someone important to someone. So being in a relationship came with a large sense of guilt for him, because he was never able to let go of himself and love, and he feared how unfair this was. But now, he could just love you a little, and detach himself from the rest. It was easier for him to do so.
It was supposedly, exactly what he wanted.
Yet, every time there was a mission he thought about you. He thought about whether you’d do something reckless today, or whether you’d come home injured. He prayed that none of your officers would be in danger, because he knew you’d be fine alone. He wished that you’d come home that night and scold him again for staying up too late or drinking coffee at 3 in the morning. He hoped that you’d laugh if he were to crack the stupid joke he came up with just now, and you’d make him laugh in the morning over some silly mistake you'd complain about.
He hoped that you wouldn’t leave him behind.
“Oh,” he said.
“What is it, Hoshina?” Okonogi asked.
“Sorry, nothing,” he said. “I’ll stop spacing out.”
“Rather unlike you, to be,” she said.
“Yeah,” he said. “I fear it is.”
It truly was rather unlike him to be hopelessly in love, and to know that he was. He was hopelessly in love with you.
This just wasn’t the right time to realize, because he had a horrifying number of kaiju to deal with in front of him. Each one of them separately would not have been a problem for him, but there were just so many— not to mention they were working together. He’d be fine though, because he promised he wouldn’t leave you behind, and who was he to be breaking a promise with you?
Soon after, Okonogi had made the decision to call people over to support him, and immediately you rushed over. You knew you had your platoon to be watching over and you weren’t the closest to him, but none of that mattered. If he was gone, you’d truly be nothing, even if that wasn’t the same for him with you.
Yet, by the time you had made it he had already neutralized every last kaiju.
“Soushirou!” you yelled, rushing over to him. He was so beaten up as he lay on the ground, absolutely still, it took everything in you to not think about the worst. Until he raised his arm to give you a weak thumbs up. “You absolute asshole. You promised you wouldn’t leave me behind.”
He smiled as you reached his side.
“You’ll be okay,” you said, sounding more like you were trying to convince yourself. “The ambulance is coming.”
“You know, I was thinking,” he said, and immediately you shot him a glare as if to warn him that this better be good if he’s wasting his breath on it.
But it was.
“Darling, I’d die if you left me behind.”
#hoshina x reader#hoshina soshiro x reader#soshiro x reader#kaiju no. 8 x reader#kaiju no 8 x reader#kn8 x reader#hoshina#hoshina soshiro#i genuinely dont know where i was going with this#i started with “i just dont want you die before me” in nandemonaiyo#and i was like HOSHINA SOUSHIROU! and i pieced whatever this was together from literally that one line#except i think this wasnt pieced together at all. i just did something and hoped for thr best#also i feel like the direction this fic went is not for everyone#so i truly apologize#BUT THANK U SM FOR READING#I STILL HOPE YOU ENJOYED A LITTLE IF YOU READ#IT WAS TRULY SO MUCH BETTER WHEN IT WAS AN OUTLINE. I JUST COULDNT EXECUTE IT#OR PERHAPS IT WASNT AND IM JUST DELUSIONAL#i cannot tell if the tags just arent working or my tumblrs broken
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