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hxnbi · 1 day ago

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hi!! I love your writing :). I wanted to request an angst to fluff scenario where reader likes the boy and confesses to him but he turns her down, but then he later regrets it and comes back?? and they live happily ever after??? i don’t really have any specific preferences other than that but im such a sucker for rejecting and regretting/she falls first he falls harder scenarios!! im using her/she to refer to the reader rn but i dont have any preference, just not sure how else to write it haha id love if you could include suo, togame, and umemiya but totally up to you :).

hey so thanks sm for your request! i loved writing this and with these boys, tho umemiya's does end on a pretty angsty note with how i was initially drafting it. i hope thats okay ♡

confessions, rejections, and regrets

⸻ °♡⃘ . you confess to the boy you liked, only to be rejected. or so you think, as, unbeknownst to you, he was battling his own feelings, too afraid to admit his love, up until he finally finds the courage to stand before you once again. but this time, it was him who would be begging for your heart.

⸝⸝ 𑅛𑅫 Suo Hayato

Tears. All you could feel dripping from your face and down your cheeks was the salty aftermath of your own tears. And standing before you, the boy who had just rejected you.

"I'm sorry, I just don't see you in that light," Suo, with his hands firmly placed in front of the other, repeated, further breaking your heart into a million pieces.

Pitifully, you laughed—but little humour was found in the dreary quiet of your heart. "I know," you whispered, choking down the ache that was your confession to the person you'd grown to admire and love.

The pain lingered with every thought—that Suo was simply just too good for you, but so did your respect for him. Even if you tried your hardest to do so, you just couldn't find it in yourself to dislike him.

Suo had always been kind, even as he rejected you.

That was part of why you liked him so much in the first place. Even if it hurt, you couldn't blame him for having such feelings about you that just weren't the same. You couldn't continue to be selfish.

"I know. Just, thank you, for hearing me out," you said, your voice becoming surprisingly steady, slowly accepting what you heard. "That's just the kind of person you are."

And then you walked away. You refused to let him see the fresh tears welling up in your eyes. You respected his choice. If he didn't reciprocate your feelings, you couldn't force it. It had to be mutual—or nothing at all.

Days turned into weeks, and though you still felt the ache of his rejection, like with most things, you had to move on and push forward. You treated Suo the same way you treated everyone else. Although, you couldn't deny that it was rather awkward after Suo saw you well up with tears dripping down your face like a waterfall. And it didn't help that you both were friends with the Furin first years, like Kiryu and Nirei, whom you were very close to.

So, time and time again, you would avoid Suo like the plague; all the while, he seemed to watch from afar, unsure of how to bridge the gap. You were always respectful, never bitter, never clinging. It was difficult, but you refused to let your emotions tarnish your friendship or make things awkward.

Suo, however, found himself unable to stay away. He'd initially assumed your feelings for him were just surface-level, a kind of shallow attraction to his looks, but that couldn't have been further from the truth. He only realized this when he peeled back the layers of who you were—a kind, genuine individual so far removed from the superficial affection he had imagined. And as time passed, he began to notice more—the way you treated everyone around you with the same kindness and consideration.

But over time, Suo would see you purposely trying to hide from him, all the while pretending everything was okay and nothing changed. It was saddening, in a way, how your laughter grew quieter, your gaze avoiding his, and the fun and games you two once shared together seemed to slip through his fingers like grains of sand.

But you couldn't hide from Suo forever.

"He just doesn't like me, Nirei.”

Taking a walk around the neighbourhood that evening, following his typical routine, Suo had unknowingly overheard you talking to Nirei. And unlike his straightforward character, he continued to hide behind the wall and listen, his heart aching with every word he caught from your lips.

"It’s not that I don’t care…" you said softly to Nirei, who had asked about what had happened between you and Suo. "He rejected me, and I have to respect that. You can't have a relationship if both sides don't feel the same."

"I see... B-But do you still like him?" Nirei finally asked, twiddling his own thumbs.

You hesitated for a moment before answering, "I do."

That conversation was what really hit him hard. That you still liked him. That maybe... he wasn't too late to come around.

"Nirei, not knowing what to say to a person who seemingly still had feelings for one of his closest friends, winced, "He'll... he'll come around," not necessarily finding the right words, but you didn't appear to mind it. Rather, you were too distracted with your own feelings.

And Suo, hidden from view, felt his chest tighten. He wasn't sure why he'd been hiding in the first place, but suddenly, he couldn't bear to listen any longer. He shouldn't even be here, listening to your conversation and very obviously intruding on your privacy.

But just before he could slip away, though, very conveniently, Sakura popped out from behind the corner. "The hell are you doing back here?" loud enough for both you and Nirei to hear and turn your heads to meet the noise—and Suo, right before your very eyes.

Your eyes went wide in shock as you spotted Suo standing right there, seemingly who had heard everything.

"S-Suo, what are you—"

Back-and-forth looks were exchanged, and so too was the silence. Nirei and Sakura gave brief, knowing glances, and with a single look, Nirei left you two alone, much to your dismay and humiliation.

You stood frozen, your mind racing with a thousand thoughts, none of which managed to form coherent words to say to the boy who had basically just heard you confess your feelings to him once again. Nervous and fidgeting, you finally let out a sigh. "Hayat– Suo, I'm really sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I promise that I'm not going to bother you anymore. I really—"

But your words and apologies were left on deaf ears—cut off mid-sentence before Suo suddenly reached for you, his hand gently pulling you toward him. Before you could even process what was happening, you found yourself wrapped in his arms, your head resting against his chest.

"I was wrong."

"…H-Huh?"

"I was so, so wrong," he muttered, grasping at the edge of your sleeve even tighter than just a second ago. "I thought you only liked me for shallow reasons, but... I've realized that I like you too. More than I ever let myself admit. And I apologize for making you wait."

You blinked, your brain going haywire, trying to comprehend every word that left his lips, but Suo only held you tighter, his chin resting on the top of your head. When you didn't answer, he went on—whether that was for your or his own reassurance that you wouldn't be the one rejecting him this time was unclear.

"I'm sorry it took me so long to see it, but I don't want to let this go," he murmured. "I don't want to lose you." He regretted every moment of him rejecting you since that day. And if you were to be the one rejecting him this time…

Your breath hitched at the base of your throat, disbelief seeping into your every thought. Was he serious…? The boy who had rejected you, who had caused you so much heartache, was now confessing to the very feelings you had once longed to hear.

'You make it so unfair…' you muttered.

Part of you wanted to reject him, to make him feel how you felt after he rejected you. But deep down, you knew you couldn't find it in yourself to throw away this chance. And neither could Suo.

"I… I still like you, too."

Your voice was hardly audible, but Suo heard it loud and clear. He pulled away just enough to meet your eyes, his expression soft and vulnerable. "Then let's start over."

Your lips trembled into a small smile. "Alright."

Suo leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead, until Suo suddenly grabbed your hand, making you jump slightly. "Come on," he said, tugging you gently. "Let's go grab something to eat. I know of a good spot that just opened that serves your favourite food."

"W-Wait, Hayato, I thought you were on a diet?" you stammered, completely caught off guard by his change in behaviour. He had always been strict about his routine—always so disciplined, so focused. But now, he seemed different. Lighter, somehow. But that was Suo for you.

He smiled, softer this time, his eyes lovingly meeting yours. "I can't miss this opportunity to spend time with a special someone. You can't keep avoiding me forever," making your face flush crimson as his words sunk in.

⸝⸝ 𑅛𑅫 Togame Jo

Shit… he shouldn't have said that.

Togame's words had slipped out before he could stop them, and the second he did, he knew he had fucked up. He cursed from under his breath, his hands already reaching out toward you as your face crumpled with hurt.

You stood there, staring at him—processing every snide word that left Togame's mouth—your chest rising and falling as if you were struggling even to breathe. He didn't mean it. He knew he didn't mean it, and he was pretty sure you knew that, too. But the damage was done, and he could see it in your eyes, the way he could see the shimmering of unshed tears ready to drip down your flushed cheeks..

"I'm sorry," Togame said immediately, his voice softening as he pulled you into a tight embrace, his arms wrapping around you like a protective barrier. He could feel you stiffen in his hold, your hands pushing weakly against his chest, but he wasn't about to let go, not on that horrible note.

"Let go, Jo," you said, your voice barely above a whisper. "You made your decision. You've... I've already said enough."

But Togame wasn't listening. Not with what he just had done and said that only left him with regrets. He couldn't take it anymore. Not the sadness in your voice, not the way you tried to pull away from him like he was a stranger. No, he wasn't letting you walk away like this, not after everything you had shared. And certainly not after everything he just spat at you.

"I didn't mean it, okay?" His words were rushed, almost desperate. Togame's grip on you only tightened with time, refusing to let go even an inch. "I was stupid. I-I'm sorry, I didn't know what I was saying, but I promise you, I'll fix this. I can't stand seeing you like this."

Your heart hurt at his words. You were utterly torn between wanting to believe him and protecting yourself from further hurt. After all, he had already said plenty… "You don't get just to say something like that and then take it back, Jo. It doesn't work like that..."

Togame's breath hitched as your words sliced the air and, in turn, his heart. His mind and body froze

That wasn't it. Not at all. He liked you. He loved you.

His rejection was but a projection of his own insecurities—that he wouldn’t be the right person for you.

But never did he think that he too didn’t want anyone else in your life, that it made his heart ache just thinking about it, the idea of someone else seeing your smile, hearing your laugh and holding the piece of your heart he so desperately longed for—that he previously had thrown away.

He hated himself for it—hated that he’d let his fears dictate his actions, that he’d hurt the one person who made his world feel less empty.

But he couldn’t let this end here. Not like this.

"I know. But— fuck…" he said quietly, his voice breaking, cracking into incomprehensible pieces of a heartbroken sentence. His shoulders trembled as he finally loosened his rough grip on you. Although his hands still rested hesitantly on your shoulders. “I know I can’t undo what I said, but I need you to know... I was wrong. I’m so damn wrong, and I’m so sorry.”

Scrunching your face, you shook your head, gaze fixed on the ground as you tried to will away the tears that had long streamed down your face. “Why, Jo?”

Why. A simple explanation as to his stupid, idiotic, impulsive mistake was all that you wanted from him.

His heart clenched at your words. Pure guilt tore him apart. He wished he could go back and rewind time to the moment before his insecurities took over. But he couldn’t. All he had now was this moment to make things right.

“Because I’m a coward!”

His confession all tumbled out in a rush, unfiltered. “I’m a fucking coward.” Every word was a weight being lifted from his chest, all in hopes that you might understand might hear him out, even if it wouldn’t completely change things. “I thought... I thought you deserved someone better. Someone who wouldn’t screw things up like I always do. Someone who could make you happy without dragging you into all my mess.”

Your eyes flickered up to meet his, for once, the honesty in his voice catching you heavily off guard. He appeared to be so unusually vulnerable, completely stripped of the bravado he usually wore like armour on his fists.

“But I can’t stop thinking about you,” he continued, his hands sliding down your arms as if needing a sense of reassurance that you were still with him and by his side and not a figment of his imagination. Hesitant but hopeful. “Every time I tried to push you away, it just made me want you more. And I was a complete idiot for thinking I could ever be okay without you.”

“Togame...”

“And I get it if you hate me for this,” he interrupted, all the words tumbling out of his mouth before he lost his nerve. “But I need you to know... I’m not asking for a second chanc—” he paused his sentence, before he could lose his resolve completely.“I love you. I’ve loved you all along, even when I was too scared to admit it.”

Your chest tightened. You oh-so-wanted to stay angry, to hold onto the pain, but his confession was undoing every wall you had tried to build.

“I'll do whatever it takes to make it up to you. Just... don't walk away from me. Please. Not like this."

“.....”

“...Do you mean that?”

Your voice was hardly audible as you looked up at him.

“More than anything.”

Togame cupped your smaller face in his callous hands, his thumb brushing away a stray tear that had escaped down your cheek, kissing the pain away. “I’ll spend the rest of my life proving it to you if that’s what it takes.”

For the slightest moment, neither of you spoke. You could hardly hear a thing other than the sound of your breathing and the beat of his heart pressed tightly against yours. You felt his arms around you, warm and safe, and despite everything, a part of you wanted to stay right there, to believe that things could be okay.

Then, slowly, you nodded, the smallest of smiles breaking through your tears. “I hate that you’re so good at making me believe you,” you said softly, for the first time all day, a small laugh escaped your lips. And it was heavenly. It was what he loved so much about you.

Togame’s lips quirked up in a tentative grimace. “Does that mean… I get another shot?”

“Don’t make me regret it,” you murmured, but your voice was warm, filled with the hope that maybe—just maybe—this time things could be different. "I'm not going anywhere," you finally said. "But you have to mean it this time, Jo."

He nodded, his forehead resting against yours. "I do. I promise."

So, just like that, you let it go. Slowly, you relaxed in his arms, letting the weight of your sadness slip away, if only for a moment. Togame didn't let go, and neither did you.

And in that moment, wrapped in his arms, you allowed yourself to believe him. For now, that was enough.

⸝⸝ 𑅛𑅫 Umemiya Hajime

"But we can still be friends!" Umemiya's voice rang out, almost too cheerful for the conversation you'd just had. He flashed you that familiar smile, oblivious to how his words felt like a punch to your chest.

"Oh! There's actually an event at Furin soon. I know you like a good barbecue. You should join us! It'll be fun!"

You stared at him, nonblinking, and for a brief second, you couldn't believe he was serious. How could he be so, casual? He must be playing you, right...? But no, that was just how Umemiya was, as you've found him for years.

You had just poured your entire heart into him, and in return, he offered you friendship—a friendship that you already had with him for years—as if it were a consolation prize.

But your heart ached so much, desperate for any kind of connection to him, that even the slightest bit of attention, however hollow, felt like a lifeline. So you nodded, forcing a polite smile across your face. "Yeah... sure, I'll come."

And just like that, you became that of a shadow, a close friend who laughed at his jokes, stayed by his side when he needed someone, and cheered for him during the times when you both would play video games. You were nothing more than a mere member of his Furin family. All the times you would talk and laugh together with them were great, and even the occasional late-night hangouts. But it wasn't enough. It was never fully enough.

Staying close to Umemyia only made you want him more, and that fact haunted you. Being so close to him yet knowing you couldn't have him the way you wanted was agony. The more time you spent around him, the more you craved his attention, but not as a friend, no, but as something more. It gnawed at you, that longing, and with each passing day, it became harder and harder to pretend.

It wasn't just unfair to you—it was unfair to him, too. He deserved someone who wouldn't secretly hope for something more, who wouldn't keep pushing the boundary between friendship and something deeper. You knew this arrangement couldn't go on, not without tearing you apart.

So, one night, after finally gathering the courage, you decided to put an end to it. But unbeknownst to you, Umemiya wasn't doing any better either.

Before, he never considered you more than a friend—someone who'd been there through all the ups and downs, always supportive, always kind, always you.

He never questioned the ease with which he could talk to you or the way your laughter seemed to brighten the atmosphere of any room you were in.

So when you finally confessed to him that very day—that your feelings toward him were more than what he thought—he hadn't thought much of it beyond friendship. He didn't think it was deeper than that… not until after he turned you down.

At first, Umemiya was convinced it was the right thing to do. He told himself he didn't feel the same way. But as the days passed, those same thoughts weighed differently on him. The way you still smiled at him, still treated him the same even after his rejection—it gnawed at him.

He started seeing the little things he hadn't noticed before. The way you always knew exactly what to say to cheer him up after a bad day, the way your eyes lingered on him for just a second too long, the way your laugh sounded like it was just for him.

And suddenly, it wasn't just about friendship anymore.

At night, alone with his thoughts, he realized he had been wrong. So, so wrong. The feelings he'd dismissed as just a fleeting affection had grown—almost insidiously—into something he couldn't ignore. It became a constant. An ache of longing to be near you, but this time, not just as a friend, but as someone who could hold you, kiss you, call you his own.

So when you suddenly asked for him to, and you meet up together alone after the barbeque, Umemiya's heart jumped in his chest. This was it. This was his chance to fix everything and correct his mistake, to tell you the truth, to apologize for being so dense. He was ignorant, blatant even, to one of the dearest people in the world to him.

Tonight, he was going to do it. He was going to make it up to you by apologizing and asking for forgiveness. He was excited, hopeful even, imagining the moment when he'd pour out his heart and beg for your forgiveness. You were kind, after all. You'd understand. You had to.

He could barely contain his nerves as he waited for you, replaying his apology speech over and over in his mind.

But when you arrived, something felt off. But Umemyia merely brushed it off as mere nerves. But then you spoke.

"I can't do this anymore."

Your eyes met his, and for a moment, Umemiya's heart stopped. He forced a laugh, trying to shake off the unease creeping into his chest. "What do you mean? O-Oh! If you're talking about how Sakura was acting earlier, hah, he doesn't mean it! You know how he is, just messing around."

But you didn't smile. You didn't laugh. Your expression remained serious, and it made his stomach drop. No, it couldn't be, right?

"Umemiya, I can't do this anymore," you repeated once again, your voice breaking, trembling in a way he had never heard before. "I can't just act like nothing happened anymore. I thought that I could continue being your friend. I really tried. But... it hurts too much. Please, I—"

His heart clenched. No, no, no—this wasn't right. This wasn't how tonight was supposed to go. He was supposed to apologize, to tell you how he felt, to fix things. But now, seeing you like this, so hurt, it paralyzed him.

"Don't say it."

"Hajime, please. Don't make this any harder than it has to be."

No, he couldn't let you walk away. Not like this. Not when everything had finally clicked for him. Before he could stop himself, the words spilled out, desperate and unplanned.

"—BUT I LOVE YOU!!"

And he said it.

The moment those words escaped his lips, everything seemed to freeze, and the silence that followed was unbearable. He watched you, waiting for some sign, some reaction that would let him know he wasn't too late. But your eyes... they were filled with so much pain, it made his heart ache even more.

You didn't speak right away, and the longer the silence stretched, the more regret began to claw at him. Why hadn't he seen it sooner? Why did he wait until now, when you were standing here, on the verge of walking away, to realize how much you meant to him? His own foolishness, his blindness—it was too much to bear.

"Why now?" you finally asked. Your voice was soft, barely audible, as if you were afraid of the answer he was giving. It wasn't angry, but it wasn't hopeful either. It was aching, that desperate part of you. "Why... after everything?"

Umemiya couldn’t answer. He didn't have a good reason. He just knew that he loved you now, that he couldn't imagine his life without you in it. But he also knew that might not be enough.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, his hands trembling at his sides. "I'm so sorry. I didn't realize... I didn't know until it was too late."

The tears in your eyes broke him. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. He thought he'd be able to fix things, to make everything right, but now it felt like everything was slipping through his fingers.

And much to his horror, you shook your head slowly, stepping back, the distance between you growing—both physically and emotionally. "It's not fair, Hajime. You can't just say that now... not after everything."

For the first time in his life, Umemiya Hajime didn’t know what to say. He stood there, stunned, the words he wanted to say lodged in his throat because, deep down, he already knew.

He didn’t have the right to ask for more when he had rejected the very thing he now realized he couldn’t live without. He had turned you away, convinced it was for the best, only to understand far too late just how much he had thrown away. His indecision—his cowardice—had led to this moment. And now, it wasn’t just his heart breaking; it was yours, too.

He opened his mouth, tried to reach for you, but his arms fell back to his sides. He couldn’t keep making excuses. He couldn’t selfishly try to pull you back, not when his own fickleness had caused you so much pain.

So he let it happen. Right before his very eyes, he watched you take another step back, your face etched with a hurt he knew he had no way of easing. And when you turned, it felt as though the entire world had slipped out of his grasp.

The streets around him blurred as he stared at the spot where you had just stood, his mind and body going through the realization that he might just never get the chance to fix this.

“Wait...” he whispered hoarsely, hand unconsciously reaching forward, but the word fell into the silence, unheard and unanswered.

And with that, you were gone, leaving him behind—alone, with but the cold remnants of his mistakes.

lol i also noticed how each just gets slowly more bittersweet to straight up angsty in umemiya's

©hxnbi. comments, reblogs and likes are always appreciated ♡

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wild-blue-wanderlust · 3 days ago

Text

Burn Butcher Burn

(An Analysis of Jaskier’s Breakup Song with Geralt)

With some help from my musician friend, @violetjayb (ily)

I hear you’re alive. How disappointing… / I’ve also survived, no thanks to you

Jaskier has had his life saved by Geralt multiple times throughout the show. His view of Geralt is, and always has been, one of a hero, and this is what he always writes him as. Here is the first indication that Jaskier currently doesn’t see Geralt this way, and is going to make that known.

He’s starting out the song by saying ‘this isn’t the same as the music I usually write for him. He didn’t save me this time.’

The ‘I hear you're alive’ doesn’t actually refer to a specific scene or conversation where he’s informed that Geralt is still alive. Instead, it more speaks to the fact that Jaskier sees Geralt as unkillable, and the fact he still believes this, despite his changed feelings for the man, was interesting to me.

It being ‘disappointing’ is fun. It reminds me of a scene from season one where some dude tells Jaskier that Geralt’s dead and his response is an unbothered ‘eh, he’s fine!’ The idea of Geralt’s death used to be something that Jaskier didn’t take very seriously - because how could Geralt die? But now it disappoints him that he’ll stick around.

There’s also something to be said about how Jaskier may be unable to ‘burn all the memories’ of Geralt like he sings later in the song, and that this is potentially the way in which Geralt is still alive.

Did I not bring you some glee / Mr ‘Oh-Look-At-Me’

While Jaskier and Geralt travelled together, Jaskier would sing and chat and just be in a consistently cheerful mood, which contrasted Geralt’s constant state of quiet moodiness. Here, Jaskier seems to be asking if his presence was ever actually wanted or appreciated, because he was genuinely always trying to put a smile on Geralt’s face.

The ‘Mr ‘Oh-Look-At-Me’’ carries a double meaning. If that line is referencing Geralt, then Jaskier is almost calling him a poser and an attention seeker, which doesn’t fit with how Geralt actually is, but does fit with other descriptions Jaskier has given him, such as ‘[I forgive you for] your sulking and posing, which are unworthy of a man’.

There’s also potential he’s referring to himself. That he’s saying either that’s how he thinks Geralt sees him (poser, attention seeker) or that in his act to bring Geralt ‘some glee’, he was making a fool of himself. Performing rather than being honest. That he was seeking Geralt’s attention. It’s clearly a negative connotation based on the fact he says it so mockingly, and it could speak to Jaskier’s self-esteem being much lower than it appears at first glance.

The meaning you take from that lyric really depends on how you punctuate those lines. Is it ‘Did I not bring you some glee, Mr ‘Oh-Look-At-Me’?’, in which he’s addressing Geralt, or is it ‘Did I not bring you some glee? Mr ‘Oh-Look-At-Me’?’ In which he’s referring to how he tried to bring glee to Geralt

Now I’ll burn all the memories of you…

It’s giving Eliza Hamilton and I love it. Additionally though, and somewhat in the same vein as Eliza, everyone knows that a lot of Jaskier’s music has been written by him to reframe Witchers and create a positive reputation for Geralt in particular, which makes him famous and gets him more coin. While Geralt, as far as I’m aware, never acknowledges Jaskier’s help in literally promoting him, he himself knows what he’s done for Geralt and acknowledges it frequently.

Jaskier has a unique position where he truly can hurt Geralt, not physically, but by once again altering the way he’s viewed, and undoing all that progress they made. Burning the memories equates to burning any positive image of Geralt that their society started to hold. It just makes me think about ‘I’m burning the memories, burning the letters, that might have redeemed you’.

All those lonely miles / That you ride / Now you’ll walk / With no-one by your side

Self-explanatory. Geralt is alone without a travelling companion after Jaskier leaves, and since Jaskier doesn’t yet know that he’s found Ciri, he thinks Geralt is completely alone.

Did you ever even care? / With your swords and your stupid hair? / Now watch me laugh! / As I burn… all the memories.. of you.

When Jaskier first met Geralt, These were the first things he pointed out about him - “white hair, big old loner, two very, very scary looking swords… I know who you are.”

Pointing that out again is like he’s reverting back to that surface-level view of Geralt, as if he’s forgotten everything else he got to know him as. This time, when he says he’s burning the memories, he means it much more personally than in the sense of burning the positive reputation.

The idea of him laughing as he does it suggests that he’s better off without Geralt, or at least trying to present himself that way.

Ladies and Gentlemen, you have been the most beautiful audience! Remember to toss a coin, if you can! If anyone needs me, I’ll be at the bar.

This bit is spoken and obviously not part of the lyrics but I think it’s worth mentioning that in the scene from the show (as opposed to the song on Spotify) this is where Jaskier actually becomes fully audible. Something about everything he said before this being effectively silenced is interesting to me but I can’t think of what the meaning of that is, character wise.

What for d’you yearn?

I think this lyric is alluding to the famous scene where Jaskier bathed Geralt:

Jaskier: “Come on. You must want something for yourself once all this monster hunting nonsense is over with.”

Geralt: “I want nothing.”

Jaskier: “…Well, who knows! Maybe someone out there will want you.”

Geralt: “I need no-one. And the last thing I want is someone needing me.”

Jaskier: “And yet… here we are.”

It’s the point of no return / After everything we did, we saw / You turned your back on me / What for d’you yearn?

Of course, a reference to the mountain breakup that inspired this whole song, in which Geralt did literally turn his back to him after he ‘basically told (Jaskier) to fuck off’, as he puts it later.

He’s also bringing up their history here, all the things they did and saw together, and how betrayed he feels. It’s clear Jaskier held him in very high regard and has no idea why he isn’t given the same respect, or how Geralt could betray him at all. Jaskier himself has ‘such a capacity for love’, according to Joey Batey, that the idea of Geralt being truly careless and indifferent just feels foreign. He was certain there was something deeper and that Geralt could love, but at this point he’s struggling to believe that.

The ‘Everything we did, we saw’ is an echo of something Jaskier said in Episode 4(?) after he thought Geralt was dead. He said that he wanted to write Geralt another song and tell everyone what they did and saw. This callback makes me think that Jaskier, when writing this song, is thinking of Geralt as being dead to him, as he believed him to be the first time he used this phrasing.

My musician friend informed me that the key of this song is C minor, which she says is perfect as it is usually put to laments. According to google, it's a key for 'declarations of love and at the same time the lament of unhappy love'

Watch that butcher burn!

Geralt hates the ‘Butcher of Blaviken’ title because it implies an uncaring person who kills for the sake of killing, which is not who he is.

Jaskier knows how much Geralt hates the name because he got punched by Geralt the first time he used it.

He’s been the only one trying to help Geralt bury that name and the things it stands for. Deciding to call him a Butcher tells everyone what Jaskier now thinks of Geralt, and makes it increasingly obvious that he no longer cares to change the reputation of that emotionless mutant.

At the end of my days, when I’m through / No word that I’ve written / Will ring quite as true / As ‘burn!’

There’s a certain tragedy in the implication that Jaskier believes he will be spending the rest of his life in the shadow of this time period, the years he spent with Geralt and the aftermath of it, and that nothing he does will ever mean more to him than this.

More importantly, it serves as another reminder of Jaskier’s changed views. He’s written many songs about Geralt, portraying him in a positive light, as a saviour, a protector, a human, and someone that’s good. But he’s taking all that back now. The truth of the matter is, after the mountain breakup, Geralt is nothing but the Butcher of Blaviken to him, and he wants everyone to know it.

Jaskier also mentioned the ‘end of his days’ when he believed Geralt to be dead in episode 4. I find it noteworthy that losing Geralt always seems to make Jaskier think about his own demise. Additionally it drives the point further home that he’s tearing apart Geralt’s reputation, because again, the last time he thought Geralt was dead, he wanted to write songs to make people remember him in a good light. Now, he wants the exact opposite.

Also, Look at the sheet music for this part:

My musician friend pointed out how there’s a lot of ascending and descending notes in this part, which helps to reflect Jaskier’s inner turmoil and his overwhelming emotions.

Burn, Butcher, burn! Burn! Butcher, burn!

At the end of it all, in spite of all his anger, there’s also a sense of desperation. Maybe Jaskier is trying to get Geralt out of his head, forget all that happened, but he can’t. He’s still writing songs about him, at the end of the day.

Maybe he wants to burn the Butcher, as a separate entity to Geralt. He wants to forget the hurt he’s been caused, and wants Geralt to change. Maybe Jaskier wants to see him as heroic again.

He’s angry. But he’s not as over it as he says he is.

Burn! burn! burn! burn. burn. / Burn, burn, / Burn…

As he sings, he gets more overwhelmed, the anger leaves, there just seems to be a bit of a numbness leftover after everything. Jaskier isn’t someone who gets angry often, and he seems to dislike the feeling. It exhausts him. In a way that he doesn’t usually get exhausted after a performance.

Watch me burn… / All the memories… / …Of you.

After the song, he insists that it ‘could be about anyone’ before finally admitting it’s about Geralt. He’s ashamed of the fact he’s still effected by him, and afraid to admit that the song ‘came from the heart. Perhaps a broken one’.

If that’s not enough proof that he had a major crush on Geralt, I don’t know what is.

#jaskier #geralt of rivia #the witcher #geraskier #burn butcher burn #twn #the witcher netflix #joey batey #the witcher season 2 #Spotify

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cherie-doll · 2 days ago

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I just found your blog and i already love it!! Your writing style is so cool! May I request something with the cod boys reacting to their partner coming out? No pressure ofc, feel free to ignore my ask if it makes you uncomfortable!! Ty~

glad you love my blog!! hope you enjoy your stay here <33 i will very gladly write this thanks for entrusting me with your request !! ^^

ᡴ Price, Ghost, Soap, Gaz, Roach, Alejandro, Rudy, Phillip Graves, Makarov, Keegan, König, Horangi, Nikto

COD Men's Reactions To Their Partner Coming Out

𖧧 Price...

he's a great listener, the moment you walked in and he greeted you with his usual and warming "hey luv" and you mumbled back quietly he knew something was up

he turned off his phone or whatever he was doing he put down and offered you the chair next to him, asking what was wrong and ready to listen

not that you feared his reaction but truth was you were a little nervous, you knew he'd never hurt you, not physically nor with words would he wound your emotions but it was still there, present and in the back of your mind

you had to take several breaths because this was the first time you'll say it out loud after rehearsing it inside your head multiple times

he nodded along even if he didn't completely understand some parts but he wasn't thinking about what to say next because right now you deserved all his attention, he left his questions for later they could wait

𖧧 Ghost...

Simon knows it better than anyone how hard it is revealing something about yourself no matter how 'small' it may seem, he's been working a lot on trying to show empathy to others and who else to show it to but his partner?

he's always stayed quiet when you're speaking to him, knowing how important it is to listen to what you have to say and you can't help but be thankful for the partner you have, he's come a long way in your relationship and it shows

his reaction is quite neutral on the surface, not showing much emotion with his face but on the inside he truly values that you had the courage to come to him and tell him, he knows stuff like this isn't easy especially if you've dealt with negative reactions in the past due to it

he's confident knowing this won't affect the relationship you've already established because you mutually understand one another when you come forward and speak

𖧧 Soap...

he might've had an inkling of knowledge but never asked you about it directly, simply because you've known each other and had been friends for a while before dating and stuff

but he's been waiting for you to talk to him about it and when the time comes around he's ready, he hopes you're not upset about him asking questions because he's genuinely curious and you're fine about him asking

you think it's better for him to get his questions answered and he tells you like a million times he'll always love you and you're the best thing that's ever happened to him so there is no way he'd react in a way that would hurt you

𖧧 Gaz...

he's been showing interest in you for the past few months and when he finally confessed and you two started your relationship, you felt the nagging urge to come out to him, obviously you're into him but still, you think he deserves to know, right?

you sit him down and he's great at picking up small details and feeling you out so he knows you're about to tell him something, with the soft quirk of his lip he encourages you to tell him whatever is on your mind and in this moment you've never felt more relaxed

at first, you were a little worried this might change things between you because you had just managed to finally get into a loving relationship and you didn't want this to 'ruin' it

but his initial reaction immediately took away all those doubts in your mind

𖧧 Roach...

he's had the trust to tell you things too so he knows he must show support when it comes to you, he's most likely the last person to judge you and instead is glad you came out to him

he can't imagine someone reacting negatively to their partner being honest, so you weren't nervous at all or even doubting to come out to him because you're just so comfortable with one another

it's actually impossible not to tell each other something no matter how humiliating, serious or sensitive the topic is because you've been there for each, seen the worst and created some of the best memories together

𖧧 Alejandro...

ngl he thought you were trying to find a way to break up with him when you came out to him, man was ready to beg you not to leave him until you were like "i'm not leaving you i'm just saying-"

and he's like "ah, ah ok, don't scare me like that", he doesn't really care because his heart rate really dropped thinking you were wanting to break up with him, later when the scare goes away he's just hugging you saying he's fallen for how you are as a person, your personality has always been attractive to him

so he won't care if other people sneer at you, whatever thoughts may be going through your head he wants you to just know he loves you, truly, all the acts of affection he's demonstrated before is forever devotion he's willing to give

he wouldn't give up your slow kisses, or your embraces for anything

𖧧 Rudy...

it wouldn't matter whether you came out to him before your relationship started, when it had just begun or after a while because he'd still have the same, honest and loving reaction

if anything he's there for you and even helps you out when those awkward moments during family functions or social gatherings happen, whether he helps you make something up or helps you face it

to you it means the world but he really thinks it's what a caring partner ought to do, he's spent the most time into understanding you as a person that he's just glad you're open to telling him things about himself and not feeling like you have to hide a part of yourself just to please him

𖧧 Phillip Graves...

if you've unfortunately been mistreated because of coming out in the past and you still carry some of that trauma or fear then you instantly forget about all that when you meet Phillip

a guy like him who likes to get along with everyone in the room, make jokes and get close wouldn't ever judge what someone else, especially because he doesn't know their circumstances or what they've been through

so imagine how gently he holds your hand and gives it a little reassuring squeeze when you kind of tear up coming out to him because you've never had someone listen to you like this, without scrutinizing eyes or that roughness in their voice but instead with a gentleness in his voice

𖧧 Makarov...

you've been open about it to other people and you're not hiding it from him but for some reason he hasn't noticed?? like unless you've told him specifically he wouldn't hear it from other people

thinking that maybe when he sees you get mistreated a little because you're openly out he doesn't know why other than just assuming people are being rude to you just because, and he can see you're visibly upset and that infuriates him

he hates seeing you looking down, doesn't like the way you almost hide yourself away, and when he tries to comfort you because he actually cares for you a lot and you realize you haven't come out to him and you do and say that's prob why others have been treating you like this

to him that's not a reason to mistreat someone, he knows he's not the most righteous person to serve justice but he draws the line at people who are wronged or targeted specifically for something like this

𖧧 Keegan...

idk, i don't think he'd have much of a reaction, if you're visibly fine and you don't sound nervous telling him then he knows you never feared his reaction

unless due to some past experience you feel tense and agitated coming out to him he flies to your side in an instant, he tells you right now what matters most if how you're feeling, he makes you meet his eyes and ask if there seems to be any less love in them than what there would've been before you told him this

the answer is that he still gazes at you with the same eyes, gently bring his forehead to touch with yours, hoping to transmit some of that emotion to you

𖧧 König...

he tries to hold his confusion back as you're talking to him but inevitable his curiosity takes over

"this... won't change anything between us, will it?" and the way he asks that question with a soft, tactile voice because he just wants to make sure you're not trying to break up with him, like noo baby we're just letting you know

he can't help but sigh in relief like "ah ok" and then he makes sure to tell you that to him it doesn't matter what you are, who you're into, he'll accept you however you're like because he can't imagine losing you or living without you

you've accepted him, so in his mind the least he could do is accept you too and make you feel loved

𖧧 Horangi...

you're so tired of having to hide who you are, especially when in front of people you're close to, so one of the first things that happened when dating Horangi was you coming out to him, you had learned that it wasn't worth masking yourself for people you wouldn't want in your life further down the line

and it was for the best because this way he was able to help you when it came down to dealing with outright shitty people, he's all for being true to yourself, he himself has had to break people's notions of who they thought he should've been when he was younger

he wasn't about to let you do that alone if he was going to be there to help you out, and sometimes just knowing someone who has a mutual understanding or has gone through the same things you've gone through and is there helping you battle it is all the indicators you need to know they're your forever person

𖧧 Nikto...

he knows he must be serious when you approach him and say you've got something to tell him, except... with how you had lowered your voice, kept your eyes firm and unmoving, not glancing around but fixed on his, your gazes connected...

let's just he expected more pivotal matters to be discussed, not that this wasn't of importance but he accepted it so easily, barely even blinked as you came out to him

"you... do you really not have anything else to say?" you ask him, "what else is there to say? congratulations?" is all he said as he got up from his chair, this isn't carelessness he just doesn't really think much of it or make a big deal out of it

you're left sitting there like "??" and he just stares at you with his unblinking, strange eyes

no matter how you think you will say something that will get a reaction out of this man, nothing even makes him raise an eyebrow anymore, he really has nothing against it nor barely a question

as long as your relationship is stable and secure he's got nothing else to say or complain about, simple man he is

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zepskies · 2 days ago

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Aww I love that for you!! (I would so be joining him on that LOTR rewatch--extended edition 🤣) Merry Christmas, my lovely Wayne!! 💕💕 Thanks for treating me with yet another Christmas gift. 🥹

Jesus's birthday! We're jumping right into this, and a bullet flying past your head while you're bloody and running through the woods is horrifying 😳 Hoping the boys are close 🤍

Oh yeah, we're diving STRAIGHT into the action on this part. That's your worst nightmare 2X right? 😅😅

She's such a badass! Russell would be so proud of her 🥹

LOLL first of all, your Joey gif had me deaddd. She's def learned a thing or two on self-defense from Charlie, and I too think if Russell saw her he'd be really proud. 🥹

I snorted so hard 😂😂 Such an accurate Colter moment again 🤍 I loved their little bonding/teasing moment while searching too 🥹

Ahahaha I love his dry sarcasm (very much like mine). 😂 I felt like we needed that broment of levity before all the heavy action! 💜

She is so damn cute 😆💕 I'm glad it all worked out and both Charlie and her are okay. Colter watching them with his little secret smile was so adorable too. My heart is full 😭🥹❤️

Aww I'm so glad you like her nerdy heart like I do. 🥹🥹 It all worked out in the end, thanks to the Shaw bros! And I loved giving her and Russell that moment with Colter's "secret smile," him ultimately knowing where this is going and giving them their romcom beat loll.

Damn Charlie... Love yourself a little more, buddy 😅❤️‍🩹

Poor guy loll. His self-esteem has taken a beating. 🥲❤️‍🩹 I had this scene from The Hitman's Bodyguard in my head. 🤣🤣

The Ken doll... I fucking can't with you today 🤣🤣 (The rum might also be kicking in lmao)

Lmaooo I'm honestly so glad someone thinks I'm funny, even if it's due to the rum. 😂🥃

Finally! I genuinely love how long it took him to catch on 😂 Loved this part! I'm glad Charlie's getting some help and these two finally decided to take the plunge ☺️ Can't wait to see what happens in the last part. I know they still have some things to figure out, but I can't imagine Russell wouldn't be willing to work on some sort of agreement 💚

LOLL He got there eventually. 😏

Aww thank you so much, hun! I thought Charlie deserved a proper second chance to turn his life around. 💜

Part 5 is where the rest of the magic happens between these two, now that they more or less have an understanding. 😘 Hopping over to your lovely comments on the finale next!!! 💕💕

Every Second Counts - Part 4

Pairing: Russell Shaw x F. Reader

Summary: One date with your best friend’s brother leaves you wanting more, even though his questionable job and vagabond lifestyle make you want to guard your heart. When your brother falls into trouble, however, Russell is the one you trust to help you find him.

AN: No cliffhangers this time, I promise. 😘

Word Count: 4K

Tags/Warnings: Perilous situations, blood and violence, some more protective Russell, angst, hurt/comfort, and fluff.~

💜 Series Masterlist

Part 4: “Mountain Man”

You were running for your life.

Blood dripped down into your line of vision, but you swept it away from your face with a haphazard hand, along with your tears as you nearly stumbled on the path.

A gunshot rang in your ears and hit a tree instead of your head.

Shit! You screamed and ducked, but you kept running…

After you tumbled down the hill, it was a small mercy that you didn’t break any bones when you eventually landed at the bottom. You’d stared up at the sky, winded, your back aching. Until you noticed Rick, one of Eddie’s men. He was sliding down the hill after you.

You didn’t know what happened to your brother after he attempted to push you out of harm’s way. That thought alone gripped your heart like a vice, but you knew you couldn’t stay here on the ground either.

You forced your body to move, whimpering at the pain and stiffness. Shakily you pushed onto your feet and slipped on dead leaves as you went. You moved your legs faster, until you were able to take off running deeper into the forest.

You gasped when your foot caught on a large rock. It sent you crashing into the ground. With your hands still bound, it made pushing yourself back up that much more difficult.

You spat out a couple of leaves. Fuck…

When Rick caught up to you, fear made you jolt into action. You wrapped your gathered hands around the rock that felled you and tossed it at him with all the strength you had. He blocked the projectile with the same hand that held his gun, like an idiot. You really couldn’t be blamed when the gun went off in his face.

He screamed, and so did you on reflex. Though his cheek and brow had been grazed by the bullet, he was lucky he still had both eyes. He blinked a bit of blood out of his left one. You scrambled back onto your feet and meant to keep running, but Rick still managed to surge forward and get a hold of your hair.

Uttering a short scream, you grabbed his shirt and kneed him as hard as you could between the legs. You hoped you crushed his dick and balls.

“Oh, f—” He went down to the ground, sinking onto his knees as he dropped his gun. He glared up at you. “You little bitch!”

You were panting for breath, but you didn’t wait for him to recover and grab his weapon again.

You ran.

You ran, even though you had no idea where you were going. You just knew that you couldn’t stay in one place. But if you couldn’t find your way around a college campus, how the hell were you supposed to navigate the damn Medicine Bow National Forest?

Along with your desperation and fear, tears kept filling your eyes whenever you thought of Charlie.

Please, please, please…

“Goddamn, they could be anywhere,” Russell groused, as he and Colter hiked through the forest. He was, admittedly, breathing a bit harder from the trek uphill. “It’s been hours already.”

“It’s barely been an hour,” Colter reminded him. And he didn’t look winded in the least.

Bastard. Russell glanced at him, but then he focused on the horizon. The sun was finally starting to come up, which was good for them. They could see the trails more clearly.

“Remember when Dad used to make us free-climb the cliffs in Sierra?” Russell asked.

“Yeah,” Colter said. “You used to beat me every time. Wonder what happened to that guy.”

His tone was teasing. Russell shot him a look, half annoyed, and half amused.

“Yeah, well, he turned 40,” Russell replied.

Colter smiled, but both of them paused when they heard a gunshot ring out, followed by two more.

“That was close,” he said.

“Yeah,” Russell agreed, drawing his own gun. Colter did the same, and they hurried up a roaming hill that had Russell briefly peering over the side. In his mind’s eye, he had to shutter away the memory of seeing a body flung over the side in the dark and the rain. Then him looking over the edge of that cliff and recognizing his father’s twisted body.

And Colter, shouting up at him with angry, tearful, accusing eyes.

A male groan broke Russell out of his thoughts as he and his brother came up on a grim scene. Two men laid dead, and another young man with dark hair was lying prone on the ground, clutching his wounded leg. He’d been shot, though a gun also was held tightly in his own hand. He aimed it at the newcomers.

“Charlie?” Colter asked. He recognized the other man from your family photos.

Charlie blinked up at him in surprise, but not without a grim set to his jaw.

“Who the hell are you?” he asked.

Russell let out a subtle breath. Colter was relieved as well.

“I’m Colter. This is my brother, Russell,” he said. “Your sister asked for our help to find you.”

Charlie’s eyes widened. All of them slowly lowered their weapons. Russell gestured at the bodies lying yards away from him.

“I’m guessing one of those guys is Eddie Mendez?” he said.

Charlie nodded, gesturing at the man closest to him with his gun. He groaned at the agony in his right thigh. Colter quickly went to his side and began to wrap a tourniquet around his leg to stem the bleeding.

“Did the bullet go through?” Colter asked.

“I think so,” Charlie replied.

“Where’s your sister?” Russell asked, his impatience evident in his stance and the way he held his gun while scanning his surroundings. His frown deepened when he didn’t see you.

“Oh, fuck!” Charlie said, and not at the pain of Colter wrapping his leg. His eyes were wide with panic. “Rick’s after her. I clipped him, but he slipped by me.”

“Where?” Russell asked. Charlie pointed down the side of the hill.

“Down there. Headed north I think, but I’m not sure,” he said quickly. “Help her, please!”

Russell didn’t need any encouragement. He started down the hill first.

After making sure Charlie was stable for now, Colter followed after his brother a few minutes later.

Russell called your name as he searched through the dense trees. Sunlight was beginning to filter through their leaves in dappled color on the trail. It gave him a better view ahead.

He stopped short when he saw a splatter of blood on the ground, painting the dirt and some dead leaves. A well of unease rose in his gut.

He headed toward the sound of running water, and he soon found another cliff. Just beyond it was a waterfall, and river below. Seeing no signs of life, he pulled back and continued to call your name, and all the while, pushing down his worry.

“Russell?!”

He turned sharply to see you coming out of your hiding place—a large fallen tree. A smile started to raise his lips, but no sooner had he taken one step in your direction, when he almost got a bullet in his head for his trouble.

“Watch out!” you yelled. Rick came out into the clearing and aimed at you next.

“Get down!” Russell shouted.

Without blinking, he shot Rick three times: once in the shoulder, twice in the chest.

The man went down. He was dead before he even met the ground.

It was then that Colter finally caught up. Russell nodded at him, but his focus was on heading for the fallen tree after he stowed his gun.

The moment he took a step over it, you popped up with a yell, ready to smack him with a tree branch. He leaned back raised up his hands in defense.

“Whoa, hey, it’s okay! It’s just me, slugger,” he said with a grin.

You let out a sharp sigh of relief. The branch fell from your loose fingers. As you caught your breath, your mouth trembled, and your eyes filled with tears at the sight of him.

Russell softened. He reached for you.

“Come ‘ere,” he said. Your hands slipped into his, and he helped you over the trunk of the tree. After using his handy pocketknife to cut through the zip ties binding your wrists together, you landed right into his waiting embrace. There, you spilled hot tears into his bulletproof vest.

“It’s okay, sweetheart. I’ve gotcha,” he said. His voice was low and soothing. “You’re okay.”

You raised your head with a desperate question in your eyes.

“Charlie?” you asked.

“Charlie’s okay too,” Russell assured. His hand soothed over your tangled hair and down your back. He could feel you trembling as you rested against him and sobbed. He held you tight, safe, as he rocked you a little from side to side. His own relief was a weight off his chest.

Colter stood by and watched with a secret smile.

With his bare hands clawing into damp soil, Colter dug up the crate Charlie buried near the base of the waterfall. True to his word, it was filled with precious artifacts.

“Just, please be careful,” you warned him again over his shoulder. “These are quite literally hundreds of years old.”

Before Colter could assure you, again, that he’d be careful, you actually set a hand on his shoulder and implored him to move back.

“Matter of fact, sorry, let me do this part,” you said. “I’m the only one who’s really trained to handle these. Plus, your hands are dirty.”

Colter raised a brow, but he obliged you. He glanced over at his brother. Russell just watched in amusement while you opened the crate.

You wished you had gloves on for this, but you supposed it couldn’t be helped. You stopped just shy of touching them��a bow and arrow, three spears, and a couple of knives. Each were crafted with wood and bone, with designs carved and accented in faded red and blue.

“Wow,” you whispered. Your historian heart was singing right now.

You made sure each artifact was intact and hadn’t sustained water damage, then you covered them back up with the lid to the crate.

“Okay, now you can take it, thank you. This thing is heavy,” you said, with a pat on Colter’s shoulder.

His lips played at a smile, but he accepted the responsibility of carrying the crate.

Russell rested a hand on the small of your back to subtly help you back up the hill. You couldn’t help walking closer with him, your arm brushing against his side. You glanced up at him with a smile. He matched you, then looked up ahead.

Charlie was waiting for you all while leaning against a tree. He still looked like utter hell—cut up, bruised, bloody, and now shot in the leg. You went to his side and gently grabbed his arm.

“God, Charlie. You sure you’re okay?” you asked. He curled an arm around your shoulders and flashed you a familiar grin.

“Oh, yeah. I’m like a cockroach. Just keep coming back,” he said.

You had to agree with that, laughing through the spark of your tears. Russell came on his other side and shouldered most of your brother's weight off his bad leg.

“Okay, here we go. One step at a time,” Russell said.

Slowly, painfully, Charlie managed to make it back to Colter’s truck with you and Russell supporting him. Colter brought up the rear with the artifacts in tow.

And behind you all, the sun broke more fully across the dewy trees in a morning swathed with orange and gold.

After Colter drove you and Charlie to the hospital, he and Russell took off again soon after to do something with the three bodies hidden under a tarp in the bed of the pickup truck. The thought made you shudder, along with the fact that the Shaw brothers knew how to hide bodies.

But you supposed it was better than the alternative.

As it was, you, Colter, and Charlie had to lie to the hospital staff about how you both had earned your injuries—in a brutal mugging, where Colter was able to scare off the men that got the jump on you and Charlie.

"I never saw their faces," as he'd later told the police, while the nurses prepped him for surgery. "I just tried to protect my sister the best I could."

You backed him up on the story, even as the lie felt bitter on your tongue and made you nervous (especially when you thought of poor Dr. Feinman).

Despite that little break-in at the museum yesterday, you'd never been good at being a rule breaker. Fortunately, Colter's calmness when he gave his corroborating statement helped you. Like Russell, he was a solid, anchoring presence...if in a different way.

For the crate of relics, Colter advised Charlie to ship them back to the museum anonymously. It would be the easiest way to encourage the police to lose steam on looking for who took them in the first place. You and your brother begrudgingly agreed, even if you had a secret thought of sending the artifacts to the NMAI. Maybe you could convince Charlie to send them there instead, or to one of the local Native American tribes here in Wyoming.

Hours later, however, you were able to finally be with your brother when he came out of surgery. In that time, your own bruises and the cut above your brow had been tended to in the Emergency Department. Now, you sat by his bedside while he slept off the anesthesia. You stroked his scuffed hand on the bed.

He really was a mess, you thought, as a tear rolled down your cheek. But he was alive. That was what mattered now.

A quiet knock at the door had you looking up, and then smiling to see Russell.

“Hey,” you said quietly, and in surprise. “Everything…went well?”

Russell’s lips quirked. “Yeah, we’re all set.”

No one would be finding those bodies anytime soon. He had a buddy in Denver, Colorado who happened to be a cremator. It was only a couple hours over from Laramie. He and Colter had just gotten back from driving the bodies there.

Before Colter drove over to Dory's apartment next, both to check on her and to fill her in on everything, he'd dropped Russell off at your house so he could get his car. He hadn’t felt right about leaving you in the hospital by yourself, even if you did have your brother.

Not without saying goodbye, at least.

“You know, I need to ask his doctor a question about his post-op care,” you said, gesturing at Charlie. “Can you stay with him for a minute while I go find a nurse?”

“Sure,” Russell agreed. You smiled gratefully and touched his arm as you passed him.

When you were gone, it left a heavy silence in your wake. Russell looked over at Charlie’s sleeping form. Russell sighed and sunk down into the chair beside the bed. He rubbed his tired face with both hands.

Shit. Now that he thought about it, he could’ve just told Colter to bring Dory here. He pulled out his phone to call his sister, when a low groan caught his attention.

Aw geez. What kinda timing, Russell thought, as he realized Charlie was waking up. His eyes slowly slid open, brows furrowing at the bright lights above him, then at the man beside him.

“Hey, man,” Russell said. “You’re okay. You’re in the hospital.”

“Yeah, I figured,” Charlie said, with another groan as he tried to stretch his body. He found he couldn’t yet move his leg. As awareness blinked back into his eyes, he settled on Russell with resignation.

“Thank you,” he said. “What you did for me, for her…I sure as hell didn’t deserve it, but thank you for saving her.”

Russell shook his head. “No need. Just get better.”

“Yeah. The doc says in a few months, I’ll be able to learn how to walk again,” Charlie said.

Russell gave him a firmer look.

“No, I mean get better,” he said. “You know you nearly got your sister killed.”

Charlie’s gaze fell. His face tightened, but really, he couldn’t even be upset at the accusation. He knew it was true, and his guilt already threatened to consume him. He also knew he should be in jail for what he’d done, and what he’d facilitated for months. After what nearly happened in the past twenty-four hours, he wasn’t sure how you could ever forgive him.

“Look, I served too. I know what you’re going through, being back here,” Russell said. “It feels wrong and right, don’t it?”

After a beat, Charlie nodded. “What branch?”

“Special Ops. I hear you were a pilot, Captain.”

“Yeah, I was,” Charlie said, his eyes lowering. “Now…now I don’t know what I am.”

“You’re her brother,” Russell said. Both his tone and his gaze all but demanded that the other man look him in the eyes. “Not her father or her son, her brother. I know you’ve been struggling. But I think you already know what you need to do, and figure out who you’re gonna be today, tomorrow, and the next.”

Charlie took in those words, and tried not to chafe at them coming from a near stranger. He knew, deep down, that all of it was right.

You came in a moment later with two cups of coffee. You brightened with a gasp when you saw that Charlie was awake.

“Hey.” He found a smile for you. You gave Russell the coffee you’d brought for him, but you quickly set yours down on the rolling tray so you could sit beside your brother.

Russell stepped out to give you two some privacy. You thanked him again and watched him go. Then, you turned back to Charlie with a tearful smile.

“How’re you feeling?” you asked.

“Have I said how much I love morphine?” Charlie remarked.

You rolled your eyes and took his hand in yours. “Yeah, how can I forget your thing for hard drugs.”

That hit sharper than a mere joke. His eyes fell away from yours. You sighed and bit your lip.

“I’m sorry,” you said. Charlie shook his head and covered your hand with his.

“No, I’m sorry. For everything I’ve put you through. And I don’t just mean today,” he said. “I’m going to make it up to you.”

“All that matters is that you’re here, and you’re going to be fine,” you said. “I’ve already put together a list of what you’re going to need when we bring you home—”

Charlie stopped you with a squeeze of your hand.

“I’m not going home just yet,” he said.

“Well, no, not until they discharge you, but—”

Again, he gently cut you off. “You were right. I need treatment, and not just for this damn leg.”

He swept a hand through his hair and sighed.

“When they let me out of here, I’m going back to rehab,” he said. “After that, we’ll see.”

Tears stung in your eyes…but you nodded in relief. You held both of his hands then.

“You’re not doing this alone,” you told him. “I’ll be with you, every step.”

Charlie let out a self-deprecating chuckle. He felt he didn’t deserve that, but he smiled at you.

“I know. You’ll be nagging me in my head, even when you’re not there,” he said. You smirked and brushed his greasy hair away from his face.

“Damn straight,” you replied. “I’ve finally become Mom.”

Charlie shook his head in amusement, but he leveled you with a pointed finger.

“But for now, you need to go home and get some rest,” he said.

You reluctantly agreed with that too. After a full twenty-four hours without sleep, you realized that you were exhausted. You leaned over and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“I love you,” you said. “I’ll come back to see you tomorrow.”

“Good. Love you too,” said Charlie. His eyelids were starting to droop from the pain medication, but he forced himself to stay awake for a little while longer. He even helped you back onto your feet with a guiding hand on your back. “Wait, is someone staying with you tonight? I don’t want you to be alone.”

You grabbed up your purse. “Don’t worry. I think I’ve got that covered.”

Your brother quirked a suspicious smile at the look on your face. The one you tried to hide from him when you noticed his scrutiny.

“What, is it one of those guys who helped us?” he asked. “Is it the blonde one—Ken doll? Or the mountain man?”

Of course he knew their names, but he just wanted to mess with you. He could already see you getting flustered while you twisted the strap of your purse between your fingers and glanced at the door.

“What? No! Just go to sleep. Take advantage of the morphine while you’ve got it,” you said. “Don’t worry. I’ll call Dory.”

Charlie leveled you with a look. “Mhmm.”

He pulled the blanket higher on his chest and watched you leave. When the door swung open, he saw Russell leaning against the wall, waiting for you.

Charlie huffed. He should’ve known.

Okay, mountain man.

That was the last thought he had before he drifted off.

You left your brother’s room just about overwhelmed with a maelstrom of emotions. However, the moment you saw Russell waiting for you, leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets, it all distilled into one simple thing.

He met your gaze and started to smile.

You smiled back, and you went to him.

You reached up to frame his face with both hands, and you searched for something in his eyes. They were tinged with surprise, but he waited on you, wondering what you were about to do.

When you thought you found what you were looking for, you raised up on your toes and pressed your lips to his.

His hands unconsciously found your waist and held you to him. He met your lips in kind, and even deepened the connection. Your fingers slipped into his hair, lightly dragging your nails against his scalp. He hummed in pleasure.

When your lips eventually parted from his, it was still too soon, he thought. Russell stared down at you with a question in his eyes—one he couldn’t help voicing.

“What was that for?” he asked.

“Thank you,” you whispered. “Thank you for everything.”

Ah… Russell’s smile evened out and faded slightly.

So that was just a gesture of gratitude. He hoped you didn’t decide to thank Colter that way.

“You don’t need to thank me,” Russell said. “I’m glad Charlie’s all right.”

“No, I do need to. So thank you,” you said. Your hands drifted down his chest, plucking at the edge of his jacket.

“I don’t really want to be alone today, to be honest,” you admitted. “Would you…want to…keep me company for a while? You could rest up at my place.”

Russell’s brows raised. His lips curved.

“Well, sure. I could do that. Your couch seemed pretty comfortable,” he said.

“You don’t have to stay on the couch,” you replied.

And then, Russell finally read your meaning. He saw it in your eyes, staring up at him through your lashes.

Maybe that kiss was exactly what he thought it meant. His smile became more genuine.

“Well, okay,” he said eventually. He wrapped an arm around your waist. “Let’s get you home then.”

You leaned against his side and gave him a lazy salute. “Aye, aye, Captain.”

He shook his head. His smile deepened into a grin.

“You’re a little delirious, aren’t you?” he asked.

“Probably need some water,” you said with a giggle. “And God, I’m starving.”

Russell laid a gentle kiss to the side of your head that wasn’t bruised.

“All right, we’ll take care of that too,” he said.

“You know what I’m craving?” you asked. He looked down at you questioningly, and again he found your smile.

“Sriracha fries,” you said.

Russell busted out laughing at that. He fist-pumped the air with his free hand.

“Hell, yeah.”

For that, and much more, he would count today as a win.

AN: There we go! A nice fluffy finish for you. How did you like how Charlie's arc wrapped up, along with her reunion with Russell? 💜

But just wait. We're not quite done yet...

Next Time:

He took in your hesitant face, then the pretty dress you had on. The color matched your eyes. Soulful eyes.

He smiled when you let him see them again.

“Can you see the bruises? I think I covered them up well enough,” you said. You turned to look at yourself in the mirror again, touching your jaw carefully.

Russell’s hand raised to find your cheek, earning your attention with wider eyes. His thumb swept across your skin as you started to blush.

“You’re beautiful,” he said with a smile. “Don’t you worry about that.”

Your face warmed further, despite your smile.

“Yeah, the makeup helps,” you quipped.

“I didn’t say anything about makeup,” he replied. Though he grinned and made a show of looking closer at your face. “Although, have your lashes always been that damn long?”

You laughed, but he didn’t let go of you.

▶️ Keep Reading: PART 5 (Finale!)

Series Masterlist

Ko-Fi Me ☕

Russell Shaw Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Russell S. Tag List:

@kazsrm67 @letheatheodore @agothwithheavysetmakeup @jacklesbrainworms @foxyjwls007

@wincastifer @ades106 @iamsapphine @simpforbuckyb @roseblue373

@brianochka @branj19 @hazel-eye-coffee-shop-girl-blog @globetrotter28 @charmed-asylum

@waywardxwords @deanwinchestersgirl87 @this-is-me19 @rachiem4-blog @sweettimelady

@leigh70 @clinicallydepresso @xiphoidbones @skoveu @nyotamalfoy

@kmc1989 @jackles010378 @emily-winchester @waynes-multiverse @jessjad

@my-stories-vault @deans-spinster-witch @syrma-sensei @stellasfictionalworld @ultimatecin73

@jesllianaquilesrolonsworld @pieandmonsters @lhymer1995 @taehyungxjungkookistaekook @lovelystoriesaj

@nicksalchemy1 @spnwoman @onlyangel-444 @sexyvixen7 @illicithallways

@wolkenprinzessin007 @alwaystiredandconfused @carpenterswife @cheynovak @grilledcheeseandtomato

#lovely review!! 💕💕#reader appreciation #lovely mutuals #every second counts feedback

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shesnake · 2 hours ago

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hi Deah do you have any film related books that you would recommend or ones that you personally have found interesting/taught you valuable info about understanding and or making movies appreciation and thanks in advance if you do have some ur open to sharing 😌

hello! I should really expand my reading but some titles I do like from my areas of interest:

In the Blink of An Eye (Walter Murch) - as an editor this is my bible it really breaks down everything I love about film personally and gives me lot of inspiration

Film Art: An Introduction (Bordwell & Thompson) - I had to read a most of this in the early years of my degree and if you don't know a lot whole lot about film it's genuinely very helpful learning cinematic techniques and languages. I think it's also really great at showing what it is that makes hollywood/western cinema work for mainstream audiences which, if you're serious about film, I think is very important to learn regardless of of how limited one might think that world is + they release new editions every couple of years to include up-to-date examples on newer movies

New Queer Cinema: The Director's Cut (B. Ruby Rich) and also The Celluloid Closet (Vito Russo) - very obvious, but still very important to understanding lgbt cinema history and achievements. they're not the only books but they're the most accessible ones to start with.

Monsters in the Closet: Homosexuality and the Horror Film (Benshoff) - book on queer-coding in horror from the 90s which DEFS needs an update but I think is still good.

It Came In The Night: Queer Reflections on Horror (Vallese) - got this as a gift and have unfortunately not read yet but I believe it IS the update for the above listed book I've been waiting for + the contributors are excellent

The Monstrous Feminine & The Return of the Monstress Feminine (Barbara Creed) - wish this was a bit more diverse but still makes great points about women in cinema

Slow Cinema (Tiago & Jorge) - collection of essays about 'slow cinema' and filmographies by directors like Apichatpong Weerasethakul, Tsai Ming-liang, Lav Diaz etc

Reality Hunger (David Shields) - not fully focused on film but a great manifesto and gives you good background if you're thinking of getting into experimental film/media

I also really love review compilation books by critics! The Great Movies by Roger Ebert taught me a lot when I was teenager (unpacks the filmbro canon VERY well) and also Jim Ridley collection People Only Die of Love In Movies

+ love when there are 'movie companion'/visual guide books of my favourite films. I especially love the one for treasure planet and also recently A Vast Pointless Gyration of Gas and Rocks Oh My GoD the full title is so long but it's for everything everywhere all at once.

also I read a lot of source material for book adaptation films because I like to one-up everything I watch + adaptation as an art form fascinates me seeing which parts of a narrative work and don't work between mediums, often giving me a greater appreciation for one or both.

some magazines/publications I like to check out every once in a while: Little white lies, metro magazine (australia), senses of cinema, cahiers du cinema, sight & sound, the film stage

#replies #recs #film recs #and most of these you can find on internet archive!

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thehypnone · 3 days ago

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Aeon and Rain🖐️👊🖐️👊🖐️👊<3

merry christmas, my love :3

Rain has been anxious about the Christmas gift he had gotten for Aeon. It was something he knew the quintessence ghoul not only needed, but wanted, so he didn’t think he’d upset the younger, per se, but it’s not exactly a typical Christmas present, either. They’re usually funny or meaningful, sometimes both, and this is just–Rain simply doesn’t want Aeon to be disappointed.

He has a backup, except…well, it’s not really a backup because Rain is going to give it to Aeon regardless of his reaction to the first one, but he supposes he can call it that, anyway.

They have spent the previous night together—and the previous one, and the one before that, too, and a couple more before that, as well—so after breakfast Aeon skitters over to his room to fetch the present and then returns to Rain.

“Can I go first?” the water ghoul asks, pulling a sizable box out from under his bed. Aeon’s eyes light up as he nods; Rain puts the box in his lap and sits on the other side of the bed.

He can’t stop his lips from forming a gentle smile as he watches the joy on the younger ghoul’s face when he digs his claws into the gift.

“I've seen you eyeing them,” Rain admits as Aeon rips off pieces of the gift wrap, “and even though I know it might not be your biggest dream, I think–or hope, at least, that you’ll like them.”

The packaging seems all but anti-burglary, so it takes him a little while, but eventually Aeon gets to see the vague shape as he continues the unwrapping.

“Are these–THE BAT CRUTCHES!!!” he exclaims happily; Rain can see right away that it’s a genuine reaction—not faked for his sake—so he exhales in relief. “They look so cool, Rain, I love them! Thank you so much!”

The water ghoul grins—glad about the gift well received. “I wanted to get you something functional and I know you weren’t very likely to get them yourself.”

“That’s…true,” Aeon admits, giggling. He unwraps the crutches further and runs his fingers over the bats printed on them. “Thank you.”

“Hope they serve you well,” Rain smiles and pats the other’s thigh. He admires his new mobility aids for a little bit longer before putting them away and grabbing the sparky bag that the water ghoul assumes contains his gift.

“I feel less awkward about this, now,” Aeon chuckles, handing it to Rain. “It took me a while to find them, I hope they’re going to fit.”

The water ghoul smiles kindly before digging into the shiny gift bag and pulling out the box. He turns it around in his hands and it takes him a moment to realize what it is, but then he sees the description.

He lights up immediately. “For my wheelchair?”

“They don’t make them specifically for wheelchairs, but I figured the ones for bikes should work,” Aeon explains as he nods, grinning. They’re sparkly blue shark clips for bike wheels, meant by the quintessence ghoul for Rain’s wheelchair; which is already nicely customized and decorated, making the wheels seem a little bare.

“Aeon, these are amazing,” the water ghoul smiles widely—also genuinely amazed and happy. “Wanna help me put them on?”

“Hm, yes, but…later? I have–uh, one more gift for you.”

“Oh? Do you now? I also have one more thing, but it’s–” Rain starts a teasing attempt, but gets distracted by Aeon revealing said other gift. “Oh.”

The box of shark clips falls from Rain’s hands and hits the floor as he moves to unpack the second present—a pretty little quintessence ghoul clad in lingerie, just for him to enjoy.

#hypnone writes #the band ghost #nameless ghouls #rain ghoul #aeon ghoul #phantom ghoul #hypnone's disabled ghouls

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possibilistfanfiction · 2 days ago

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arcane prompt "hospital"?

[jinx deserves the world, also it's nice to let cait use her girlboss disposition for good sometimes, yknow. ao3 here.]

///

you hand caitlyn a cup of black tea she probably thinks is beyond shitty; it's all they had at the cart in the courtyard, and you still have no idea how to make proper tea anyway. still, she smiles — small, and residually scared, but genuine — in thanks. she's been crying, you can tell: her eyes are red-rimmed and the sweater of vi's she'd thrown on in the middle of the night is rumpled around the sleeves, like she'd used them to wipe her tears.

'she's going to be okay, right?' you look at vi's still, bruised form in the bed. 'they didn't, like, tell you really bad news while i was gone or something.'

caitlyn steadies herself. 'no,' she assures you. 'she's going to be just fine.'

'okay,' you say, and you trust her because she loves vi and because she's a doctor, and mostly because at this point caitlyn wouldn't lie to you. you scoot your chair forward and lace your fingers together with vi's hand, the one without an iv taped into it, and squeeze gently, just a hello. the doctors had explained that she's on a lot of medicine to keep her comfortable, plus the anesthesia from her surgery, so she's not going to wake up until midday at the earliest. but just in case she can feel you, you want her to know that you're there. you remember coming out of the worst sedations, medication that was wrong for you or just way too high a dose, to vi slumped next to your bedside, her big, strong hand steadfast around yours. 'did you see her x-rays or medical history or something?'

'i didn't intend to,' she says in way of an answer.

'ah.' you fiddle with vi's fingers. 'gnarly, huh?'

she puts her tea down on the small table near the bed and runs a hand through her hair before she scrapes it up into a messy ponytail. 'i knew, in theory,' she says. 'we've talked about things, of course. i'm able to help take care of when her chronic back pain flares, and how she really should have a surgical repair on her bad shoulder. but, i just, well. i suppose i comprehend the breadth of it now, more completely at least, the details in a way i can understand.'

you don't know; you don't ever want to know, not like that. vi still has nightmares about prison, still doesn't eat enough sometimes, still refuses heating pads and advil sometimes after a hard shift. 'yeah.'

'and i suppose, too, that it's hard to know how much she's hurt, even if it's so much less bad now.' she shrugs, helpless, and looks at you. 'i just love her.'

it had been terrifying, to get a call in the middle of the night from the fire department: vi had been in a building when it collapsed, and she was hurt and it was, potentially, very bad. you're not sure who they'd called first — you or caitlyn — but she'd texted you a minute after and offered to pick you up so you could both wait at the hospital while vi was in surgery. it had taken two hours before her dad came out and explained that vi had some internal injuries that still needed more fixing in surgery, as well as a few bruises and scrapes, but she would recover fully with time.

'you should move in with each other,' you say.

caitlyn pauses for a few moments, but then she lets out a quiet laugh. 'how long have you been holding that in?'

you shrug. 'you guys have been together for two years. i know vi wants to.' you don't mention that you hack into caitlyn's person email on occasion, just because you like to be nosey; you don't mention that you'd seen her and vi send property listings back and forth the last few months. 'i know she hasn't said anything to me because she doesn't want to upset me, or make me think like she's choosing you over me, or whatever.'

caitlyn considers it calmly. 'she would never do that, you know.'

'yeah.' you do; it's the thing you know most in the world. 'i also know that she's scared that if she doesn't help me at much, i'll have another episode.'

that, caitlyn has no response to.

'i've talked about this a lot in therapy.' you squeeze vi's hand, just in case she's listening too. 'at first i couldn't manage any of it without her, for sure.'

vi had spent her first month out of prison visiting you in your tent in the scariest part of town, not pushing, just bringing you food and warm clothes, comfortable blankets; she'd sit with you for hours if you'd let her, even if most of the time you talked to voices only you could hear and saw things she never would. finally, you agreed to go to the hospital with her, and from there it was more months of getting clean, and trying different medications, and really lame group therapy, and coming to terms with your diagnosis. vi was there as often as she could be, clean-cut for once while she went through the fire academy. you don't remember many details, but when you'd finally gotten released, she'd brought you to this small, rundown one bedroom apartment that she'd made as nice as she could. the first night you were home, she fell asleep in bed next to you in less than a minute, a few tears on her cheeks, seemingly of their own accord. it's always been a measure of love you'll always be a little in awe of.

'but, like, i remember my meds on my own now. i have a system.'

caitlyn's smile is honest-to-god proud. 'that's no small feat.'

you try to act nonchalant, but she's right: most of your medications have side effects that require other medications to off-set, and it's a nightmare if you don't coordinate them properly. 'and, like, my graduate program is going well, and i have friends, and i like climbing. i feel, not good, i guess. maybe i'll never feel good. but i feel real, and most of the time the world feels real too.'

caitlyn lays her hand on top of yours, and vi's.

'anyway,' you say, clearing your throat so you don't cry. you run your free hand through your hair, grown out some now after your "interesting decision," as vi had said, last year during a meltdown. 'vi can move out, and ekko can move in to our apartment. he's —' your boyfriend? your best friend? your favorite person, other than vi?

caitlyn smiles gently. 'he is.'

'he knows what to do, if i need help.'

'and i know you want to live with vi, and i know she wants to live with you.' even though you invade their privacy by checking emails, you'd never spill the beans that they've both individually been looking at rings. 'i can manage, without her there as much. i don't think either of us ever thought that would be our reality, which is why vi hasn't brought it up. i know she's still scared, probably forever. it was scary.' you take a big breath and then let it out; when you'd first gotten your diagnosis, it seemed like you would never get to be a full, independent person, and then it would be a death sentence. 'but i want to try. i can try.'

caitlyn squeezes your hand, and vi's too. 'i believe you will do wonderfully, in both my professional and personal opinion.'

'oh. really?'

she nods. 'you haven't had a full blown episode in over a year. i see you manage your days, and your impulses. clinically, you're actually a great patient. personally, you're a pain in the ass sometimes, but not because you're unwell.'

'just because of my stunning charm and incredible sense of humor? my flair for the dramatic?'

'something like that, sure.'

you laugh. 'thank you, so so much.'

she rolls her eyes but she's still fond of you, especially in the early morning light. vi's eyes are both bruised blue, but caitlyn had told you that surgeons had finally fixed her broken nose after it broke again this time: you're pretty sure vi hasn't been able to breathe properly since she was, like, twelve. at the very least she'll snore less, so a win for all of you. 'we found a house we want to put an offer in on,' she admits.

'yeah?'

she nods. 'it's not too far from your place, and it's right on the park.'

you scoff, just for posterity. 'fancy.'

she's unfazed by this point. 'we — well, vi was going to tell you, but i know it's fine if i do. we know you and ekko want to keep your current place, and i'd actually like to sit down with both of you and see if there's any way i can assist with your rent or other budgetary items.'

you're definitely, 100% about to cry, all of a sudden.

'she is so proud of you, for even being able to consider pursuing increased independence.'

you sniffle.

'but, the brownstone we're looking at also has a fully finished basement, with a bedroom and a small living area, its own bathroom. we've planned for it to be your space, whenever you want it, for any reason, for however long you'd like to stay. a night, a year. you will always have a home with violet, which means you will always have a home with me too.'

you have to do your deep breathing: sometimes kindness, especially given freely, is what makes the world slide most off-kilter. there are always voices telling you that you don't deserve good things, that caitlyn, and vi, and ekko, and vander, and even caitlyn's parents, when you go over to their giant ass mansion for celebratory dinners or parties, are lying to you. but you put your head down against your joined hands and count to ten, whisper it aloud, and then sit back up. caitlyn is waiting patiently.

'how big is the house?'

she laughs, heartily, and pulls out her phone to show you pictures and specifications. it's beautiful — not that you'd ever expect less of caitlyn kirammen — but she also tells you the plans she has to decorate, and your chest aches with a happiness so tinged with grief when she casually explains things vi wants in each room too. it's a life you never dreamed you'd get to have, and you know vi has probably been having total menty-b's about all of this, but she deserves a home more than anyone you've ever met.

'it's fine, i guess,' you say, after caitlyn finishes showing you their plans for the patio and yard.

caitlyn laughs. 'up to your standards?'

'could use more neon.'

'keep it confined to the basement, and you've got a deal.'

'ugh.'

'the only request i have is that you not blow it up.'

you pretend to contemplate. 'that's reasonable, i guess.' you look around at all the monitors proclaiming your big sister's strong heart and lungs and brain, despite it all. 'vi's gonna be so relieved that we don't have to have a heart to heart when she wakes up.'

caitlyn looks at the still planes of vi's face adoringly. disgusting, still. 'she'll be difficult enough as it stands, i'm sure.'

'total pain in the ass.'

////

you spend the first night after vi moves out in your apartment with ekko, and you fall asleep with your head tucked into his chest, safe still, even now. that weekend, you haul a duffle bag of your stuff — clothes, toiletries, a quarter of your lab, a few cans of spray paint — to vi and caitlyn's new house. neither of them are home yet, vi stuck grumpily on desk duty for the evening and caitlyn's meeting running over.

but your key turns in the lock, and your favorite snacks are stocked in the pantry. eventually, they both get home, and they're happy to see you, and caitlyn laughs at the improvements you've already done to the walls of the basement. vi ruffles your hair and you bully both of them into ordering tacos like you want, even though they have plenty of things you could cook at home. caitlyn is polite enough to let you curl up with vi on the couch, just for tonight, and you fall asleep, safe and warm, there too.

#arcane #arcane fic #caitvi #jinx. babygirl no1 #vi... getting stabbed in any universe... it's more likely than you think #SISTERS! it's all a love story!

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slugbeaker · 3 days ago

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Thank you for the tag!! 😄❤️

Last song: Purple Irises by Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton. My girl is in her country era and I love that for her 🤠

youtube

Favorite color: Green 💚, any shade, but lately I've been very fond of pale greens and seafoam greens

Last book: I'm almost finished re-reading A Clash of Kings by GRRM 👑

Last movie: AFRAID, about a family that gets an AI for their house and it's evil. It was the only horror movie available to watch on a 14 hour plane ride recently and it was absolute ass. Genuinely the worst movie I've seen this year lmfaooooo 😭

Last show: Arcane!!

Sweet/savory/spicy: Savory, I am always ready to chow down on savory foods, especially anything meaty 😋

Relationship status: Single until I find a love like Kafka felt for Milena uwu

Last thing I googled: "killer who clogged pipes with bodies reddit" I can explain 😭 I was trying to remember a specific case and was hoping reddit could help. It did not. However, I did learn that killers clogging their neighbors pipes trying to hide bodies by chopping them up and putting them down drains is NOT as infrequent as you would hope. People are scary 🥲🥲🥲

Current obsession: The Birkin family from Resident Evil as well as Still Wakes the Deep! I love sad things! 😃

I also don't have ten people but I tag: @ardenrosegarden, @midnightmusicalsandcats, @resurrectedfiles, @phantom906, and @golfindolphin if they would like to!! 🥰

10 people I’d like to get to know better

Tagged by @strix-x thank youuu :)

Last song: Calisto Yew’s theme from Ace Attorney Investigations 1. Listening to it as I type this, lol. From my Spotify Wrapped 2024 playlist :)

Favourite colour: don’t do this to me… many colours are beautiful… green, blue, pink, purple… thank you…

Last book: Still something I’ve gotta work on is reading more books. Last one I read was the Doctor Who Rogue novelization! That was enjoyable, I liked the extra scenes and backstory it added :)

Last movie: Uhhh hmm I don’t see movies all that often… I’m unsure, but by tomorrow the answer will be Wicked?

Last show: Dandadan season 1 finale… which, tbh, I hadn’t realized was the season finale until after I watched the episode lol! Very looking forward to season 2 tho :D

Sweet/spicy/savoury: Hmm probably savoury? Sweet is also good, tho I think there is definitely a thing as too sweet… and as for spicy? I like some spicy stuff even tho it may burn my mouth after loll

Relationship status: single as can be 😽✌️ alas

Last thing I googled: movie theatre tickets lol

Current obsession(s): Dandadan beloved omg… I haven’t watched a lot of anime, but I’m starting to! Grateful netflix recommended this to me lol, it’s so. It’s got everything you could ask for. Wacky, funny, has a lot of heart with the characters… great music… and maybe I’m a little bit of a sucker for high school students getting pulled into crazy adventures. Momo and Okarun are so cute too… sillies <3

Fire Emblem Heroes isn’t going anywhere for me… with Book 9 having a law theme, it excellently combines with my love for Ace Attorney, and I love Rune already!!

Then ofc Ace Attorney… had a blast playing the Investigations Collection, and I’m continuing to catch up (the timing is almost never right for me to watch live) on Mark Ota’s streams of TGAAC, which are always a ton of fun :D

Then I am also trying to now and then write stuff for my own ocs too… I don’t talk about them enough… but I love them very much, please do know <3 Maybe I show a bit of favouritism for Willow and Pyg, but hey, they are the main characters :3

People to tag: ack my least favourite part, I always fear I’ll forget someone!

@rosymaraschino (I want to return the favour, I appreciate it whenever you tag me in one of these kinds of things! :) )

@ actually anyone else, my mind is blank </3

#tag game #Youtube

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traceypuppygirl · 17 hours ago

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I’m very sorry for disappearing over the holidays.

I’ve never been this popular on any site before, so it’s a bit overwhelming all the attention I get. I’m genuinely not sure how to deal with it. My DMs have so many wonderful people in them that it’s genuinely hard to keep interacting with everyone, I’m very sorry if I accidentally ghosted you, I promise it isn’t intentional. Please forgive me.

The notifications and asks also add more pressure as it makes me feel like if I don’t get a response or post out quick I’d be perceived bad. I do very much enjoy answering asks and reblogging hot posts, and I’m very sorry but it just gets a bit too much after a point..

On top of this, I’ve also been getting your typical transphobia and general hate. I’ve always had a relatively thick skin, but I still have a breaking point, which ended up being my first death threat. I decided that in order to keep my own mental state in check, and to maybe let the heat die down, I’d just not log onto social media for a week at least. I knew this meant potentially ghosting some people for a while, and I’m very sorry, but hope you’ll understand.

TLDR: Too much socializing, both good and bad, is wearing me down. I needed a mental health break.

I’ll be more active now, but less than I was before. This community is wonderful and I’m very lucky to be a part of it, all of you have helped me with coming to terms with my fantasies that anybody else would deem “unacceptable”. Thank you all and I’m sorry yet again.

I wonder if you can tell I’m Canadian…

#trace important

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scumashling · 1 day ago

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Caretaker and Whumpee's First Meal Together

Past non con drugging, former Whumpee Caretaker

Caretaker has gone to painstaking lengths to make sure every aspect of the dinner is perfect, from the meat to the crispy potatoes to the dinner cocktail. It is, after all, Whumpee's first real dinner since they got away from Whumper, and after everything they'd been put through, and how skittish Whumpee still is, Caretaker wants more then anything for it to be a good one. The dinner is going well. Whumpee talks with their hands a lot, bright eyed and friendly, if a little nervous, a tight smile across their face. All seems well, except as Caretaker digs in they notice Whumpee isn't. They seem distracted, less interested in eating the meal and more into cutting it up into bite sized pieces and shuffling them around the plate. Whumpee is also spending an unusual amount of time observing the glass that holds their drink, holding the beverage up to the light, only taking scant, small sips, as if trying to taste for something.

"Is there something wrong with the food?" Caretaker asks, crestfallen at the idea that the first meal they prepared had failed to impress. Whumpee's eyes dart up, the forced grin they'd been wearing all night stretching further.

"Oh no! You did such a good job, Caretaker! I'm very grateful." They reassure caretaker. Their voice does not sound genuine, words coming out in rapid fire as if they'd rehearsed them in their head. God damnit.

"If you don't like it, I can make-" Caretaker sighed. Whumpee's left hand slams downs on the table before Caretaker can finish, the right still clutching the glass in their hand tight. The way they slightly tremble shakes the table and sloshes their drink, voice quickening to a high pitch. Caretaker detects a strained note of panic, despite Whumpee's efforts to mask it.

"No, no no no, please don't bother yourself with that, you must've worked so hard and I'm so thankful for everything you've done-its just-I just-" Whumpee's eyes zip back to the glass in their right hand, studying the liquid inside.

It has been a long time since Caretaker had been with Whumper. Sometimes, the memories seem so far away that Caretaker wondered if the whole ordeal had happened to someone else, or if Caretaker had simply made the whole thing up. It didn't help that Caretaker had spent most of that horrible time drugged out of their mind, courtesy of Whumper, unable to move, barely conscious yet all to aware of what was happening at the same time as Whumper hurt them.

It suddenly dawns on Caretaker that Whumpee fascination with the glass might not be out of politeness in the face of an inedible meal. They were looking for signs, strange taste, a strange fizz, if the liquid was cloudy, searching for bits of pills or oil floating on the surface. Caretaker remembers doing the same.

Caretaker knows what they have to do. They stand up, striding to the other side of the table.

"Can I see your drink?"

Caretaker doesn't wait for Whumpee's permission before taking the glass from their hand, downing about half of the glass of the dark red liquid, and promptly plucking a bite sized piece of meat off their plate and eating it up. When Caretaker sat back down, they could see Whumpee's eyes had gone wide, their shoulders bunched in anticipation as if they expected Caretaker to explode. They both waited in silence for a minute, until Caretaker offered them a small smile.

"You should try some. It's really good. And you're so skinny."

When Caretaker failed to explode or collapse on the floor and Whumpee was sure it was safe, they exhaled, their shoulders relaxing, and they tentatively took piece of meat from the plate and began to chew. Their eyes immediately lit up in delight and they had another, and another, and another, washing each bite down with the drink until the whole meal was gone.

#whump #recovery whump #caretaker #whump snippet #whump prompt #past whump #whumpblr #whump community #whump blog #might repurpose this for my redo of healer rewrite #caretaking #noncon drugging #past noncon drugging

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theladyofshalott1989 · 3 days ago

Text

In Which Sebastian Embraces the Spirit of Christmas 🎄🌟🎁

Summary: On a wintry Christmas night, Sebastian basks in the warmth of his family—because, apparently, even mischief-makers deserve a little holiday joy.

[ AO3 Link ]

Pairings: Married!Sebastian Sallow x MC (Damien Evans); Married!Ominis Gaunt x Anne Sallow 🥹💕

Tags: Domestic Fluff, Uncle Sebastian, Healed!Anne, Mum and Dad Anne and Ominis, Older Couples Very Much Still in Love, Pure Fluff (with a little ~banter~ sprinkled in; naturally)

Word Count: 2050

The soft, fading light streaming through the window bathed Damien's face in an ethereal glow as he smiled at Sebastian. "Happy Christmas, Bash," he said, winking playfully before sashaying through the doorway in full holiday attire.

Sebastian chuckled, masking his first instinct to undress Damien immediately and steal him away to their warm, inviting bed. But alas, the Father Christmas costume wasn’t technically for him. A quick glance at his pocket watch informed Sebastian they were already late to Ominis and Anne’s family Christmas party.

Oh, but Damien truly looked the part, if not younger and immensely more handsome. And if Anne was cross with them for being so late, she’d forgive them when the children’s eyes lit up.

“Ready to go, Father Christmas?” Sebastian teased, stepping closer to adjust Damien’s hat. It didn’t actually need adjusting; Sebastian merely wanted an excuse to touch Damien’s pretty head, his long, flowing locks. He would never grow tired of tucking the same unruly strand of hair behind Damien’s left ear. He’d been doing it for over a decade and hoped he’d be doing it for many more decades to come.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” Damien replied, flashing Sebastian another mesmerizing grin. How his smile still managed to set Sebastian’s whole body aflame, even after all these years, was beyond him. “Think the children will buy it?”

Sebastian hummed, feigning deep thought. “Hard to say,” he said. “You’re rather too dashing to play an old man, but you’re jolly enough.” Sebastian helped Damien into his thick, red coat. “Besides, it’s the thought that counts,” he added. When he finished, Sebastian gave Damien an approving once-over. Damien's round belly certainly completed the look. He had even grown out his beard, which wasn’t gray, of course, but it was thick enough to be somewhat convincing. “Now let’s get going before Anne sends a search party.”

Once Sebastian had bundled up too, they stepped out into the chilly evening, the snow crunching under their boots.

The sunset tonight was positively marvelous—purple and pink rivulets of light weaved through gray storm clouds above their heads as they walked hand in hand toward Ominis and Anne's home. Sebastian squeezed Damien’s hand. Damien squeezed back, chuckling under his breath.

Sebastian’s carefree mood gave him an idea, so he seized it by the proverbial dragon’s tail. Pulling Damien under the nearest tree, shielding them from the snow falling softly around them, Sebastian planted a deep kiss on his husband's flawless mouth. Damien's scratchy beard rubbing against Sebastian’s cheek was a new but pleasant feeling, and Damien's contented sigh only made the moment that much sweeter.

Over the years, Christmas had become one of Sebastian’s favorite holidays. The joy of the season, filled with love and family, had washed away the painful memories of Anne's curse, transforming what was once a time of deep sorrow into one of genuine happiness and affection. And Sebastian had Damien, Anne, and Ominis to thank for all of this. But mostly Damien: the love of his life, Sebastian’s kindred spirit. Sebastian loved Damien far more than words could accurately express.

“Bash?” Damien’s voice broke through Sebastian’s quiet contemplation. “I love you. You know that, right?”

Sebastian’s eyes widened. Moments like this one, when Damien’s thoughts mirrored his own so closely, never ceased to astound him. Sebastian momentarily lost all of his composure. Was he even breathing? No, it turned out he wasn’t. He let out a shaky cough to steady himself. Damien cocked a brow.

“Of course I know that,” Sebastian replied, his heart thumping loudly in his chest. “You haven’t suddenly become a Legilimens, have you?” he joked.

Damien reached out to caress Sebastian's cheek. "Oh? You were having similar thoughts, were you?” He smirked. “You can say it too, you know. I have perfectly good hearing.”

“Fine, fine,” Sebastian said, smiling up at Damien. “I love you. Don’t let it get to your head.”

Damien kissed him, murmuring against Sebastian’s lips, “Too late.”

Too late, indeed.

Sebastian was about to open his mouth to say something along the lines of “Now let’s get going,” when, in an entirely unexpected move, Damien, laughing, scooped Sebastian up and hauled him over his shoulder. The sheer audacity!

“Hey!” Sebastian protested, the corner of his lips quirking up. “Unhand me, you scoundrel!”

Damien’s whole body vibrated with amusement. “Hmm, I think not! I quite like you here.” He took off down the street, carrying Sebastian with him.

Sebastian couldn’t help it; he burst into a fit of laughter. Once he’d managed to catch his breath he said, “Careful now, or the children might mistake me for a sack of presents.”

Damien barked out another laugh. It echoed in the crisp winter air.

“I hope you’ve got a good plan for how to explain this compromising position to the children,” Sebastian continued. “After all, it’s not every day they see Father Christmas toting one of their uncles, arse-up, into their home.”

“Language, Bash!” Damien chided, but his tone was light and airy. Surely he’d grown used to Sebastian’s occasionally colorful proclamations by now. “And what makes you think they’ll bat an eye? You are a gift, are you not?”

Sebastian pounded Damien’s back to distract himself from the, frankly, undeserved compliment. “Buttering me up, hm? Whatever for?”

Damien didn’t grace him with a response.

“I’m perfectly capable of walking on my own!” Sebastian protested once more.

Damien slowed to a stop, finally setting Sebastian down on the ground. Anne and Ominis's front door lay a few steps ahead. “There, happy?” he said, pulling Sebastian close. “Now, let’s get inside before they start wondering what all the commotion is about.”

Sebastian glanced up at Damien, his eyes searching his face. “I’m onto you, you sneaky bastard. You’re hiding something.”

“Maybe I am, maybe I’m not.”

“Well, now I know you are for sure.”

“Less talking, more walking. Or shall I carry you through the threshold?”

“Lead the way, Father Christmas,” Sebastian huffed, arm gesturing outward. “Lead the way.”

Damien had, indeed, been hiding something: a new kitchen set for Sebastian. High-quality wooden spoons with his full initials (S.N.E.S, although Sebastian would have found S.N.E. acceptable as well) on the handle, a sturdy mortar and pestle, a cast iron skillet, a small wooden spice rack, and a handmade clay cooking pot. It was all rather astounding, but, if Sebastian thought hard about it, he came to the realization that as much as he appreciated the thoughtfulness of Damien’s gift, even if there had been no gift at all, tonight would have been absolutely perfect. Sebastian did enjoy the attention though, so no need to voice that thought aloud. It was Christmas: He’d take what he could get.

“Oof!” A squirmy child leaped onto Sebastian’s lap. Sebastian adored his niece and nephew. He still wasn’t overly fond of infants—too fragile and needy—but now that Leigh and Albert had grown out of that stage, they were an absolute delight.

“Can we play?” Leigh asked, blinking her big, brown eyes up at Sebastian. She turned five in September. Between the ages of four and five, her language skills had blossomed. Sebastian still found it a little surreal—interacting with her as she made such clear, thoughtful requests, now more like a little person with her own mind than ever before.

“Hm,” he replied, glancing at his empty wrist as though checking an invisible watch, “I might be able to fit you into my very busy schedule…” Leigh giggled. “Oh, alright then!” He wrapped her in his arms and began tickling her mercilessly.

Once their tickle session had sputtered out and Leigh hopped off of his lap to scamper off to her room, mostly likely to play with her new toys, Damien caught Sebastian’s eye from his position on the floor. He was sitting cross-legged beside Albert near the fireplace, a roaring fire lit and crackling in front of them. Damien carefully stacked block after block into a tower as Albert observed. The structure wobbled precariously, looking as if it might topple at any moment—yet, against all the odds, it remained standing.

“Having fun, are you?” Sebastian said.

“Oodles of it,” Damien replied. “Especially now that I know my masterpiece won’t be ruined.” He winked. “Sticking Charm.”

“Ah, that explains it,” Sebastian said, holding back a laugh. “Clever. Still doing Ravenclaw House proud, I see.”

“Always.”

Damien swiveled around to refocus his attention on his careful construction. When his back was once again turned, Sebastian, ever the prankster, quietly pulled his wand out of its holster and cast a nonverbal spell to release Damien’s charm.

Just in time too, as Albert chose that very moment to lean forward and reach out a tiny hand to test the tower’s soundness. The entire shoddy structure crashed to the wood floor. Damien groaned, swiftly followed by a loud exclamation of, “Sebastian Evans-Sallow!”

Sebastian raised a brow. “Yes, my love?”

“I know that was you.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m all the way over here.” He pointed at Al. “He was the one who did it.”

“Blame the three-year-old, why don’t you.”

Sebastian hmph-ed. “Perhaps your Sticking Charm wasn’t as strong as you thought.”

“Mhm.”

Anne and Ominis swooped back into the sitting room from the kitchen where they had been chatting animatedly about something or other. Every now and then, Sebastian had caught the sound of laughter—first Anne’s bright, quick laugh, then Ominis’s quieter, softer one. Whatever they had been discussing must have been amusing. Sebastian was glad of it. When Anne was happy, he was happy.

“What in Merlin’s name is going on in here?” Anne said, her eyes crinkling at the corners. She was in a jolly mood. Ominis seemed to be, too. More so than usual, that is. His cheeks were flushed and his usually perfectly coiffed hair was disheveled.

Oh. Oh.

“It seems you two have been having an entirely different kind of fun,” Sebastian said, a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

Ominis somehow flushed an even deeper red. “Don’t start, Sebastian.”

Sebastian held his hands up in the air. “Far be it for me to judge. It’s Christmas. I think you get a pass.”

Anne narrowed her eyes. “I won’t say what we’re all thinking.”

Sebastian let loose a scandalized gasp. “Anne, my dear sister, I don’t know what you’re insinuating, but I am always the epitome of a perfect gentleman.”

Damien burst into laughter, startling Al. He staggered over to his mother. She leaned down to pick him up.

Damien was still laughing.

“Okay,” Sebastian said, “you can stop laughing now.”

Damien laughed harder.

Ridiculous.

The floodgates had apparently broken because Ominis was laughing now too, swiftly followed by Anne. Albert joined in, looking a bit confused, but giggling nonetheless.

“Come now, it’s not that funny.”

Sebastian’s words were followed by Leigh’s high-pitched voice piping in from the doorway. “Why is everyone laughing?”

Sebastian gestured in her direction. “See? Leigh doesn’t think it’s funny. Leigh, come here. I knew you were my favorite niece for a reason.”

She raced into his arms. “I’m your only niece.”

“The sentiment still stands,” he murmured into the top of her head. Then, because the moment called for it, Sebastian laughed too.

Sebastian wasn’t sure how long the six of them laughed, and as the years passed by, everyone—himself included—forgot how it all started in the first place. It was the joyous feeling that stuck with you.

Happiness: a fleeting emotion, but lasting in memory.

Of course, time would leave its mark on them all, yet on this particularly special Christmas, here they all were—Anne and Ominis, Sebastian and Damien, still happily married, still content with where life had brought them; Leigh and Albert, still so young, and with little to no worries keeping them up at night.

If Sebastian were a religious man, he might have called this night, this eventual wonderful memory that he would forever hold close to his heart, a miracle, but he wasn’t, so, instead, he simply called it home, a rare and enduring kind of contentment he hoped he’d never take for granted.

Sebastian knew there would be good days and bad days ahead—he wasn’t a fool. But right now, in this moment, everything was as it should be. All was well.

Happy holidays, everyone!

[ Like Moths to a Flame Series Link ]

#hogwarts legacy #hogwarts legacy oneshot #christmas one shot #hogwarts legacy christmas #sebastian sallow #sebastian sallow x mc #sebastian sallow x male mc #sebastian sallow x m!mc #sebastian sallow x damien evans #sebastien #ominis gaunt x anne sallow #damien evans #like moths to a flame series #my writing

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