#this is the same problem i had with writing the notes for chapter 5. kind of.

[typhos-c-dragon]

just remembered that tomorrow i'm likely gonna start work on writing the outline for a chapter-long chase scene that is followed by a fight scene. agh. agh, i say.

[anoant-haikyuu-dump]

The hyperfixation demons are screeching at me to write a comprehensive list of all the reasons I like Fukutora, so today I present to you "Ant ignores their responsibilites and spends several paragraphs explaining why Fukutora is peak despite them having roughly 10 seconds of shared screen time"

1. Contrasting Personalities In general their personalities fit together really well— Fukunaga barely speaks while Tora exclusively shouts at max volume and can't stfu to save his life, Tora's overly-intense and takes everything way too seriously while Fukunaga's cracking jokes in the middle of important games, they're even literal opposites on the court as the two wing spikers. Their differences compliment each other perfectly and because of that I think they'd grow a lot being together, Fukunaga would learn to open up and Tora would mellow out. Another good contrast is how Tora's all about looking cool and standing out while Fukunaga tends to blend into the background, which leads into my next point...

2. MY ROMAN EMPIRE (aka chapter 309) I know it's only two pages out of a 33 chapter match but i dont care, this scene makes me feral. I read the manga after watching Dumpster Battle, so imagine my suprise when my two favorite losers had a moment THAT GOT CUT FROM THE FUCJIGN MOVIE (I'm still salty, it should've been a full season).

Anyways these pages rooted their way into my brain because they show that even though Fukunaga goes unnoticed by most people (both in-universe and by readers) Tora realizes how great he is, and not only respects his play style but views him as a rival on the same level as himself. One thing I appreciate about Tora is that despite him being the stereotypical "strong manly athlete" type he doesn't think his methods are the best or only way of doing things; Fukunaga scoring points without "big fanfare" is just as cool as the shit he and Tanaka pull off. The phrasing "that I hafta surpass" could even imply that Tora sees Fukunaga as more than an equal, as someone who's ahead of him since he doesn't need to be flashy or loud to do amazing stuff.

Look at his smile on page two, bro's just excited to have someone who motivates him to keep pushing himself. And as we've learned from Kagehina: what's gayer than a rivalry?? All in all I think it's sweet that Tora notcies his efforts and admires him when few others do. Side Note, I've seen a translation of these that call them "Nekoma's Wings" and I think that's a sick nickname.

3. Bi Tora and Internalized Homophobia I love a good internalized homophobia arc, and characters like Tora that center so much around girls and manliness are some of the most fun to explore them with imo. You could say he's one of the least likely characters in hq to be queer since he's THE woman-lover next to Tanaka and Noya (and Yachi) but that's what makes it interesting—his gay awakening would hit like a tsunami and send him into life-ruining bi panic for months, especially since he's already such a mess when it comes to romance. He gives me the vibes of someone who has no problem with other people being gay but struggles when it comes to himself since it clashes with his conception of what it means to "be a man" or whatever. My point is he'd have the most intense no homo phase to grace this earth and I think that's both super funny and compelling for his character.

Also as a bi person myself it's kind of frustrating how bisexuality is treated online sometimes. It's annoying when a person's queerness is negated the moment they show attraction for the opposite gender, so headcanoning a character like Tora as a bi while still being openly into women makes me happy.

4. The Stage Play They're so silly in the stageplay. Why is he dragging him around by the feet? Why are they screaming at Kenma? Why is he constantly bopping him on the head in the background? WHY IS HE SERVING FACE IN THE PROMO PICTURES? So silly.

(Ignore how blurry these are lol) 5. Ant's Little Sister Bias This is a me thing, I like ships where one party has an annoying little sister who bothers them, sue me. Its cute. Akane and Fukunaga could have the most adorable friendship if you believe.

6. They Match Each Others Energy My first post about them was me rambling about this so just read that, TDLR they're both energetic menaces who match each other's freak.

7. Kenma's Forced Third-Wheel Purgatory Putting Kenma in a situation where Kuroo's graduated and his closest remaining friends are dating and constantly forcing him to third-wheel is just about the evilest thing you could do to the guy. He may be one of my favorites but this is well-deserved punishment for his crimes.

8. Baffled x Baffling Another ship dynamic I like a lot is when one person is unabashedly weird and the other thinks they're a total freak... but likes them anyways. They don't know why they like them. They can't explain it to anyone. Whenever the person does more weird shit they're like "why tf do I like you." But even so they're whipped as hell. Anyways Tora barely understands a single thing Fukunaga does and I think that makes for a funny crush to have.

9. Fukunaga's "Current Concern" Don't have much to add here, it's just proof to me that they hang out idc. Like why are you concerned about what he wants?? Kinda gay dude. Big fan of Fukunaga whispering to him and Tora answering at full volume so other people hear a one-sided conversation.

10. These Fics Before I knew this ship was even a thing I stumbled on these fics while browsing the Fukunaga tag, that's what got the gears turning:

• My favorite one, third-year shenanigans • Peak, need to be signed in tho • College AU • This one is mostly gen Fukunaga but the few moments they have are perfect (also really fun Nekoma interactions overall)

11. Other Miscellaneous Thoughts • Both of them being public figures/lowkey famous in timeskip is cute, like imagine them being each others' biggest fan before they make it big.

• Chef x guy who eats a lot is peak fiction. In this case they both eat a lot. Their grocery bill is a horror story.

• I know it's because characters are usually grouped by year and Kenma ditches them to sit with Kuroo but they're always together in the stands, pretty gay if you ask me

• I hc Fukunaga as genderfluid so Tora still gets his chance to be a wife guy. Him and Tanaka ranting to each other while Kiyoko and Fukunaga drink tea in peaceful silence.

• I think Fukunaga's the type to enjoy people watching and Tora's always doing something dumb. Observing him like a little bug under a microscope

• They're both so silly looking, cartoony ahh designs. I just think they'd make a funny couple visually, they're so square and stick to me if that makes any sense lmaoo

If you got through this whole post you're a real one, thanks for reading to my brain dump. I think about them every day and need more people to understand the vision

[spicerackofblorbos]

Chapter 1: November

☾ Pairings ➼ Levi Ackerman x fem!mute!Reader (she/her pronouns), set in a modern semi-fictional world

☾ Summary ➼ Due to childhood trauma, you find yourself an adult without the ability to speak. After years of working on it, you have found ways to live without a voice. Now here in your late 20s, you are 5 months in getting used to a new town. On a fateful day in late November, you and your adopted sister visit a local bookstore-café, unaware of the friendships about to blossom. Throughout the months, one friendship in particular develops into something more.

☾ Content/Warnings ➼ fluff, slowburn, oblivious feelings, angst, mention of minor character deaths, trauma, illness, adoption, mentions of fire, disabilities, alcohol use, very light nsfw mentions, eventual smut (these update with every chapter)

☾ Author's note ➼ Hey guys! This is my first time writing fanfiction in a loooooong time, like the last time I wrote was probably in 2011. So with that said please be kind with any feedback or comments. I hope you enjoy! (also I made Hange's pronouns she/her/them/they)

Edit (11/27/2023): Hey guys, welcome to my little world of Unspoken Words. I have quite literally used this story as a way to better myself as a writer. As you read on, you may find that I've progressed (ofc I have a long way to go) but because of that, my first few chapters might be rough. With your patience, you may find a liking to this story as I know I've loved writing every word of it.

☾ word count ➼ ~7.1k

20-something years ago 

You’re not sure how, but you find yourself sitting in the back of a big, white van. Red and blue lights danced in your eyes, and it felt like a thousand people surrounded you. Something plastic is placed on your face then you are instructed to breathe in deeply. You thought it was funny to be told to breathe, like you don’t just do it naturally, but you follow instructions regardless. It’s hard though, every part of your body hurts, chest included. Every breath you take feels like your insides are on fire.  

‘Fire’, you think.  

Everything is on fire.

Present Day

Levi stood blank faced as he meticulously cleaned the blender station for what felt like the 100th time today. The late afternoon rush had just tapered down so he took advantage of the next to empty café to clean as much as he could before closing for the evening.  

“It’s 20 degrees outside, how are people still wanting frozen drinks.” he murmurs to himself, placing the blender back in its spot. Levi turns to the front counter and slings the towel he was using to dry things onto his shoulder.  

His best friend, roommate, and business partner could be seen restocking some books on tall shelves, a gentle smile lighting up his boyish features. It’s been about a year and a half since they started this business venture together and they had no idea at the time how successful their bookstore-café combo would be in this small town.  

Erwin’s thirst for knowledge kept their shelves as variable as ever while Levi’s love for perfecting the art of tea kept the drinks flowing. The problem, however, was Levi’s lack of people skills. He was seldom seen at the register, nor would you ever see him smile or talk to the customers. He often would leave you with a grunt and a swift turn after handing off the drinks.  

No, for that, they had hired a couple of local highschoolers to do the facing work.  

“Mr. Smith, Levi?” a soft voice rang out to the left of him. Levi shifted his attention to a taller girl with shoulder length raven hair standing next to him. Being as Mikasa is his cousin, they found early on how weird it was to be called ‘Mr. Ackerman’ as they shared the same surname. It was this connection too that got them to where they are today.  

“Would it be okay if Eren and I take off a little early tonight? We have some big tests coming up and we’d like to take some extra time to study.” Mikasa shifted her dark eyes to the darkening windows as the sun set just over the horizon. Pinks and oranges flooded the partially clouded skies.  

”Tch.” Levi could not help but roll his eyes. He raised a brow at her and leaned back against the counter behind him for support. “Sure, I guess,” he continues. “But do you really need it or is it for that blockhead?”  

As if summoned by his words, Eren comes up from behind Mikasa and wraps a red scarf around his girlfriend’s neck, both of their jackets hanging off one of his arms. Eren is a good kid, always on time and followed directions, but the amount of sass he held in his body was something else. Levi and Erwin did not mind though, as he added a certain energy in the café that the customers seemed to enjoy. The two men wouldn’t say it out loud, but they really appreciated having them both on the team.  

“Hey, I heard that. And yes, I need to study desperately. Econ is so hard and for what?!” Eren’s teal eyes widened for emphasis. To add to it he even put on a fake pout.  

“I-”  

“Just take the trash with you on the way out and you’re good to go.” Erwin piped up from behind a bookshelf.  

Mikasa nodded in acknowledgement towards the voice, a silent thank you. Like Levi, she was not one for many words. He once thought it was an Ackerman thing but then he thought back to his annoying uncle and changed his mind quickly.  

With that, she and Eren both untangled the aprons from their bodies, grabbed their belongings, and picked up the trash bags that were already taken out of the cans. They opted to leave through the back since the dumpsters were located that way. Again, Levi wouldn’t say it to anyone out loud, but he really did like those kids.  

Erwin could be heard stacking more books into the shelves which left Levi to polish the counters again. It was the last hour before they closed so it stayed quiet for the most part, only interrupted by the sounds of scuffling shoes and books being placed on hard surfaces. Light jazz filled the rest of the silence. Then the bell signifying new customers rang from the front.  

“Levi, can you grab that?”  

The raven-haired man just huffed in response then stepped over to the register. His eyes fell on two figures right in front of him. A frazzled brunette and... you.  

Due to the season, you are bundled up in a thick parka and knitted beanie. A big scarf wraps around your neck and face so that all Levi could see is your flushed cheeks and thick lashed eyes. Truthfully, you reminded him of a marshmallow.  

“What’ll it be?” he asks, deadpan. The brunette is the one to respond, the voice loud enough to make him wince.  

“Hmmm... well one English breakfast tea latte with lots of room for sugar aaaaand I’ll take a peppermint hot chocolate. Oh, and extra whip! We’ll drink it here.” She fished out a card with a dramatic thwip and handed it to Levi’s outstretched hand.  Their café is one of those where if you were to stay, they offered washable cup ware as to keep the prices down on disposable cups. Not to mention the lessened ‘environmental impact’ as Erwin would say.  

Levi glances at you before turning to make both orders. You give a small wave and smile a little, but he was already working quickly on the drinks. 

He went into autopilot as he steeped the tea and steamed the milk. He really appreciated customers that ordered anything outside of coffee, especially when it came to tea. It’s not that he hated coffee, though it’s not like he liked it either, but it just wasn’t his thing. Coffee offered a different kind of bitterness that he wasn’t very fond of. With extra whipped cream in one and extra space in the other, he whirled around to place the drinks on the counter.  

The one with glasses is the one that picks them up and they promptly walk in the direction of where you currently sit, one of the tables in the back corner by the window. You were stripped of your big parka and scarf, though the beanie stayed. Your eyes were wandering around the café in wonder, and Levi was pretty sure this had to be your first time here. But truthfully, he wouldn’t know, he didn’t make it his business to know his customers. That was Erwin’s and the kids’ job. 

“The shelves are full and I’m exhausted.” Erwin came around the counter with a couple of empty boxes in his arms, heading straight for the back to the dumpster. Levi stepped back and leaned against the counter once again, his own black tea that had steeped while making yours cradled in his fingertips. He kept looking at his only customers while he sipped the black liquid. The teacup almost slipped out of his grip as he saw you dumping a large amount of sugar into your cup.  

 There you sit, extremely focused on the cup in front of you and lips pressed together tightly, almost as if you were afraid you’d put in too much. The sight would have been funny if you hadn’t just ruined your entire tea, he thinks to himself. You smile to yourself in satisfaction and put the sugar jar back where it came from. While you stir the sweetener in gently, the brunette in front of you talks animatedly. Hands were flying everywhere, and Levi could practically feel the energy radiating from the corner of the room.  You were doing the same, silently laughing. 

Suddenly the front door flew open, the bell ringing loudly with it. Levi grits his teeth, steeling himself for yet another customer interaction. But his shoulders dropped in relief at the sight of only Carly, Erwin’s girlfriend. She saunters up to the counter with a big smile aimed towards Levi and without even asking she slid behind the bar. Erwin had already made it from the back and was in the process of putting away the leftover ingredients from the day. Carly wraps her arms around her boyfriend and plants a big kiss on his face, to which Levi quickly looks away. It wasn’t weird for her to come in right as they were about to close.  

What was weird, he thought, was the shock that flooded your face as you eyed the very public display of affection. Levi knit his brows in confusion as the brunette pivoted in her seat to see what you were staring at. Their face fell, any evidence of a good time completely erased.  

“Carly?”  

The person in question whipped around so fast at the voice and the panic that exuded from her was palpable. She quickly unwrapped herself from Erwin’s embrace.  

“Hange.”  

If it wasn’t for the jazz in the background, the lengthy silence that followed would have been deathly.  

Carly clears her throat and laughs awkwardly.  

“Uh, why are you here?”  

The person named Hange just lifts their hot chocolate cup awkwardly, not really saying anything. Their eyes shift between Carly and Erwin, clearly understanding what had happened.  

“I-I’m sorry, you guys know each other?” Erwin sounds cautious, like he already knew the answer. Of course, he would, he isn’t dumb. His piercing blue eyes survey the situation, going back and forth between the two.  

“Well, uh. I-” Carly stutters, clearly at a loss of what to say in the predicament she found herself in.  

“She’s my girlfriend.” Hange claims calmly.  

This admission makes Erwin sigh heavily, confirming what he had pieced together. Levi stared at him in bewilderment as the man just chuckled quietly.  

“Well. I suppose that’s it then.” And with that he turns on his heel and stalks off to the back room. 

“Wait, Erwin I can explain!” She follows right on his heels and disappears into the back room as well. A minute later you can hear hysterical crying and calm retorts reverberating from the back. If Levi could shrink into the cabinets to get out of this situation, he would. Instead, he focuses on the other party who were having a very quiet and rushed discussion. Well, a one-sided discussion, as he only heard one voice.  

Levi, realizing it was almost time to close anyways, rushes to close the distance between him and the front door. He really did not want to have to deal with other customers while the drama unfurled. So, he flips the door sign to ‘Closed’ and unplugs the ‘Open’ neon sign hanging in the window. A couple walks by about to open the door, probably out for a café date from the looks of it. But they were only met with a dead stare from the sharpest eyes they’d ever seen. With that, they briskly turned around and left down the sidewalk.  

Levi spins around and from here he gets a better look at the two trapped customers. You were moving your hands all over the place like you were earlier. But with an even closer look he realizes you weren’t just talking animatedly with your hands; you were talking with them. You were signing. 

You reacted to your partner’s conversation just fine, so it was clear you had some sort of hearing. Your scarf now hung loose around your shoulders, and it looked like you had tears brimming in your eyes. Levi swiftly walks back to the counter; this is obviously not a conversation he needed to be a part of.

“Hey, don’t worry about me. It’s only been a couple of months. Really, it’s better to find out now than 3 years from now.” They laughed without humor. You know when Hange was saving face for your sake, she was never as sly as she thought she was.  

‘You don’t need to be strong right now.’ You sign then reach your hand out to touch her cheek softly. Physical touch had become your second language early on, if only to emphasize. Fortunately, Hange was okay with that and often embraced it with open arms.  

“I know, my little strawberry. I just need some time to process everything.” They pat you on the head lightly with a small grin. You swat their hands, blushing at the nickname you were so graciously given so many years ago.  But you nod back, knowing they would not change their mind.  

The tall blonde glides through the back door, alone. His face was grim as he tugged loose the tie around his neck.  

“Hange, was it?” He started walking towards you and your very startled sister.  

“U-uh yeah. That’s my name! Listen I had no idea, I’m so sorry. I would have said something obviously but-”, they take a deep breath. “I’m sorry. What’s your name again?”  

“Erwin Smith. There is nothing to apologize for as I can only assume there’s only one blame to be given. I hate that we must meet under such a circumstance, but it is truly nice to meet you.” He raises a hand waiting for a handshake.  

Hange takes it after a second of processing, shaking the hand vigorously with both hands.  

“Well, unfortunately it is what it is. I’m sure Carly and I will be speaking soon. I’m assuming she’s not just hiding back there.” They flick their gaze to the back door he had just come through.  

“Ah well, yes. Long gone... how long were you two...?”  

“Only like, 3 months or so. You?” 

He flinched at that and murmured, “3 Years.” 

Thinking back to her comment not 10 minutes ago, Hange bit their cheek.  

“Oh man I’m so sorry.”  

“No, please. It’s alright. None of this is yours or my fault. We couldn’t have known, but now we do.” Erwin chuckled to himself. You wonder if he’s trying to save face the way your sister did. His gaze now shifts to you. He is a very handsome man. To your extreme surprise, he starts signing to you. 

‘I'm sorry, who might you be? I noticed you signing earlier. I know a little from the books I have read.’ His crystal blue eyes sparkle at you as he signs. You can’t help but break out into a huge grin. You sign your name back and compliment him on his raw signing form.  

‘I am of hearing, though. So please feel free to talk, and I will sign back.’ You clarify to Erwin, the smile not falling from your face.  

“That sounds like a plan. Levi, stop hiding behind the counter and come say hi.” Erwin calls out, not bothering to look over his shoulder. You hear a grunt in response and not 10 seconds later, the barista stands cross armed next Erwin. He nods a hello to each of you.  

You knew he was shorter than you, at least a couple inches, based off the interaction at the counter earlier. But seeing him side by side with his friend was almost comical. But as short stature as he was, it did not keep him from holding himself with such authority. It made you nervous.  

‘Thank you for the tea, it was very good.’ You sign, your sister translating in real time for you.  

“Tch, are you sure? I saw you dump enough sugar in it to make it syrup.” Levi retorts dryly.  

That makes you smile sheepishly. His fixated stare unnerved you a little, but you stare back regardless. Now that he was closer, a glass case no longer between the both of you, your eyes traveled along his face in close inspection. 

He’s beautiful, you think to yourself. His features are sharp and angled. Steely gray eyes pronounced a permanent exhausted look. It was a shade of gray you’ve never seen before, and they were mesmerizing. As if he could feel you staring holes in his face, he flicks his eyes to the side, clearly uncomfortable. But you can’t help it, because really the most intriguing thing about him was not his metallic eyes. It was the scars that marred his porcelain skin.  

A couple of scars ran down the right side of his face. The prominent of the two trailed from the top right of his forehead all the way down to his chin, cutting into his right eye and both lips. You’re pretty sure his eye was quite damaged due to the slight muted discoloration of the eye color.  

He’s beautiful, you repeat to yourself. You glance over to Hange, and they just look over at you with a knowing look. You know she was just begging to ask Levi too, but she just shakes her head. So, you fold your hands together and pinch your lips together.  

“Well!” Hange yells out, breaking the silence. “This human really needs a drink. Let’s all go! Erwin, I demand you let me treat you to a couple drinks!” She wraps an arm around your shoulders and laughs.  

“A drink sounds fantastic; I will gladly take you up on that offer. Let me just close up rea-” He’s cut off by Levi raising both of his hands up in protest. You notice the two missing fingers on his right hand. The pointer and middle were gone. Whatever this man went through, you just had to know. But you toss those questions onto an ever-growing pile and bite your cheek.  

“Erwin, I can close up. You go ahead.” Your sister just smiles widely and practically jumped up and down. The blonde man just clapped his hand Levi’s shoulder and smiled at him.  

“Thank you. You’ll join us after? The usual place?” Levi just shrugs his shoulders in response.  

Part of you hoped he would. You couldn’t place a singular reason why though.  

.

Fifteen minutes later, the three of you found yourselves in a well-lit and very crowded bar. Somehow Erwin had snagged a table near the back wall. Heavy rock blares loudly from a live band maybe 20 feet away. Overwhelming was an understatement, but you grit your teeth and sit down on one of the stools.  

“Whatcha want, my darlings?!” Hange yells over the music, slapping both hands down on the table and staring at the both of you.  

“Whiskey neat, whatever they offer is fine.”  

You sign the words ‘apple’ and ‘juice’ followed by a ‘thank you’. You’ve never been one for a drink. While it was tolerable to be around, you’d rather not have to taste it if you could help it.  

Looking around, you see all manners of people surrounding you. Something about it makes your stomach turn but you shift in your seat to quell it down. You’re sure it’s only so crowded because of the prospect of a Friday night and the promise of no plans the following day. The town of Jinae was not anything special, but it was quaint. You and your sister found out quickly it was a place where everyone knew mostly everyone. After only settling down here from your hometown 5 months ago, you were still learning of all the local spots.  

From the looks of it, this bar was one of those. “The Scouts” was an inviting place, decorated with dark greens and wood tones. The walls were littered with many frames of a lot of different people. You imagine it might have been local residents in various locations of the town. All of the wood was worn down, so it was clear this place has been in business for a while. A neon sign hangs above the stage where the live band played, something that resembled blue and white wings. It makes you wonder what the significance is.  

Your thoughts are disturbed as a glass is placed in front of you. Realizing the dryness in your throat, you pick up the glass and take a big swig of the amber liquid. You’re met with a burning sensation, and you gag. This alerts Hange of the unfortunate mistake.  

“Ah I’m sorry my little strawberry!! They do look quite similar though, don’t they?” They switch the glasses quickly and laugh. You notice the very noticeable cup size differences between the two and you stare at her quizzically. “I may have taken a shot while at the bar, sorry.” she adds on. It makes you shake your head, but you grab her hand reassuringly and chuckle.  

‘I’m sorry.’ You sign at Erwin, and he just smiles back.  

“Not a problem. But I have to ask, how was it?” A bushy eyebrow raises at you in amusement.  

You just stick your tongue out and make a gagging gesture at him. You laugh though, not really upset.  

Two apple juices in, the live band ends. Hange and Erwin are very deep in conversation, which you suspect might be about Carly. You can’t really hear what’s being said though. With the absence of music, chatter quickly fills the air. Honestly it was really starting to get to you. So, after tapping on the pair’s shoulders and signing where you were going, you find yourself leaning over the guard rail just outside the bar’s door.  

The sun was already far gone. A crescent moon sits high in the sky and a smatter of stars surrounds it. The cold air felt very welcome on your very flushed face. You exhale a big sigh, which garners a puff of steam. It makes you laugh so you do it again. Then you start to wonder how long you might be able to last out here before getting frostbite when suddenly a body starts leaning against the rail next to you.  

With a start, you whip your head to face the newcomer. Instantly you relax at the sight of Erwin’s friend. He was adorned in a big peacoat and his casual slacks. A tan turtleneck sweater peaks out from the jacket’s collar. His face was flushed as well, no doubt from the cold.  

Levi. 

He wasn’t paying you any mind though, instead his gaze laid upon the sky above, at the stars. You wave at him anyways and offer a small smile. He glances at you with a side eye and returns a curt nod.  

Not one for words. 

So, you both stand there in silence, staring up at the twinkling lights above. It wasn’t uncomfortable in the slightest. Something about his presence radiated a sort of calm, and you were happy to bask in it.  

After a few minutes, he shifts his weight in your direction, so you face him. He’s staring up at you and it makes you swallow hard. His eyes glowed silver from the moonlight. Truly you have never been this fascinated with a person until now.  

“You like the stars.” It wasn’t a question, more like a statement.  

You nod in agreement, smiling to emphasize your love for them. He purses his lips at that. It seemed as if he wanted to say something else to that, but nothing came out. It just makes you frown a bit. You just have more questions that keep piling up. Everything about him just emanated mystery and it made you want to know all about him.  

‘Are you okay?’ You sign to him, exaggerating your frown to show your concern. You’re only met with a look of confusion. You forget that he does not know much if any sign. And you kick yourself for leaving your communication tools at home. To be fair though, this is not where you expected to be tonight.  

You then get an idea to use your phone to type to him but before you even reach into your pocket, you’re interrupted by a sudden blast of warm air as a couple stumbles out of the bar, both in a giggling fit as they cling to each other. They take off down the road, laughing even harder. The brief warm air makes you shiver, reminding you of the cold outside.  

As if thinking the same thing, Levi catches the door before it closes and holds it open for the both of you. You’re suddenly well aware of the very loud singing happening from within and your eyes widen at the familiarity of one of the voices. You and Levi make your way to the voices and are greeted with the sight of Erwin and Hange duetting a Backstreet Boys song.  

What a sight it was. The tall brunette, face flushed and glasses askew, had their arm around Erwin. He his blonde hair was quite tousled, and he looked like he was having the time of his life. They both swayed together as they belted out the lyrics. As if their smiles were contagious, you felt yourself grin. It was kind of cute. So, you pull out your phone and snap a quick picture, sure to show Hange in the morning. It was a good thing too, because the song ends right as you put your phone away in your bag. Levi clicks his tongue and huffs. You glance over at the noise and notice a small upturn to the corner of his scarred mouth. Noticing your gaze, his face vacates itself from any emotion as he stares back ahead.  

“Oi! Eyebrows!” He calls out to his friend. Levi starts making his way to the stage, walking with a slight limp. Yet another question to add onto the pile. “I’m gone for 45 minutes and you’re already singing.”  

“I’m fine! Just a couple drinks in.”  

You all make your way to the table you had laid claim to earlier. You survey the table and count at least 6 more glasses, not counting your two. It was hard to see who drank what.  

‘Are you okay?’ You sign to your sister, concern etched on your face. They just nod lazily and give a thumbs up with both hands. Levi is regarding you with a look of understanding, and it seems he realized that you had asked him outside.  Music starts playing over the speakers again, and people start making their way to the dance floor. Hange squeals and downs the rest of her drink quickly.  

“Erwin let’s go!” She grabs his arm, not waiting for a response. He gives a mock salute to the two of you and follows without question. Levi just clicks his tongue again and heads to the bar to get himself something. So, you plop yourself down on the stool and stare out into the room. Out of nervous habit you start fidgeting with the napkins in front of you. A moment later, Levi’s hobbling over with a tray of drinks. 

“I got the idiots some water, they look like they need it.” He places the glasses down with a thud, including one of his own housing some sort of caramel liquid. Then he’s sliding something over to you and you’re about to protest that you don’t drink but you realize it’s not a glass. It’s a notepad and pen.  

“If you need something, this might come in handy.” is all he says.  

You’re quick to show your appreciation with a bright smile. You also note to yourself that you could have very well have used your phone to communicate but you were not one to disregard someone’s thoughtfulness. It makes something bloom in your chest, warm and comforting.  

Your many years of not having a phone of course meant writing – a lot. Your handwriting evolved plenty with time so that meant it was extremely neat. It had to have been so that the reader would be able to read it without an issue. 

First you write your name, as you realize no one had really said it out loud while at the teashop. Following that you add ‘I think your shop is wonderful, and I really did enjoy the tea you made.’ You also want to jot down the questions from earlier that were still swimming in your mind, but you hold yourself back. You tell yourself maybe later, granted if there would even be a later.   

When angling the paper so he could see it, his eyes flit across the words quickly and you’re given a grunt in acknowledgement. Pulling back the notepad, you bite the inside of your cheek. While it wasn’t awkward being next to him, he sure made it hard to talk to. His cold demeanor gave you the feeling he wasn’t the type to talk about himself, especially with someone he just met. So, asking questions about him or his life was out the window. Likewise, he did not really seem interested in hearing your life story, not like you were planning to spill it anyways for fear of being met with disdain. You had plenty of experiences with that growing up.  

Tapping the pen against your chin, your eyes drift around the bar room. There a multitude of people lingering about, shouting over each other to be heard. A couple sits in a corner, whispering who knows what to each other. Both of their cheeks are flushed and eyes heavy with lust. A handful of people are on the dance floor grinding away, your sister and new friend sticking out like a sore thumb as they dance with reckless abandon. All of this gave you an idea, remembering something you’ve read before many moons ago. You start scrawling on the paper again.  

‘Are you a gambling man, Levi?’ 

You shift the pad back over to him and he glances down again after taking another sip of his spirit. He was holding his glass in a way you’d never seen before and honestly it was a little weird.  

“Tch, hardly. Why do you ask?” He looks hard at you as you scratch something else down.  

‘I propose a game to pass the time. Let’s make some bets about the random people in this room.’ 

He looks at you incredulously. You stand your ground, not averting your gaze even a little. When you don’t back down, he just scoffs and shakes his head at you.  

“I literally could not care less about these people,” he clicks his tongue. “But I suppose there’s not much else to do so I’ll bite.” Knocking back the rest of his drink, he moves around you to lean back against the wall so that he is facing the rest of the crowd. You shift so that you are doing the same. You don’t overlook the proximity to the shorter man, nor the fact that your arms are almost touching. You start to scribble once more.  

‘Winner gets to ask the loser one question.’ As his eyes fall on your words, he seems a little taken aback. Levi seems to think for a moment, like he’s weighing his pros and cons.  

“One non-personal question.” He amends. You both nod in agreement. So, your eyes travel around the room, looking for your first target. It falls on a group not so far away.  

‘I bet that gaggle of young girls over there are here for a bridal party.’

You point in the direction of the said group. Currently they were taking tequila shots, lime and all. All of them sparkled and were dressed up to the nines, save for the silly little hats adorning their heads. And they were having so much fun.  

“No way,” Levi scoffs, “That has to be a 21st birthday. They all look like babies.”  

Suddenly someone comes through a parting in the crowd with a tray of assorted colorful drinks garnished with cute little accessories. They all yell in excitement at the sight. One of the girls raises her glass and starts shouting.  

“To Estelle! May your married life be full of infinite love, happiness, and orgasms!” They all cheer and take big gulps of their drinks, followed by more giggling.  

Levi glances art you, his gray eyes dull in the dim bar light. An eyebrow lifts at you as well.  

“How did you know?” 

You do a sweeping gesture starting from one shoulder down to the opposite hip. He looks back over to the women and conveniently the soon-to-be-bride had faced your direction. She was indeed wearing a white sash sporting the word ‘BRIDE’ in bright pink letters. He huffs as he rolls his eyes, and you smirk at him in return. You press the pad over to him, already equipped with your question.  

Levi scoffs at your question. As promised, it wasn’t very personal. You figured ice breaker like questions were a good start. But his pause made you question if this was a good idea, you didn’t want to run him off or make him uncomfortable. Then he clicks his tongue, and his face softens ever so slightly.  

“My favorite hobby, huh? It would have to be cleaning.” He simply states. 

Cleaning?  

‘Like mopping, dusting, all that jazz?’  

“Yeah, it brings me peace. I like the control. Plus, I can't stand filthy things, people, or places. It’s repugnant.” He scrunches his nose at the last statement. A laugh bubbles up and you can’t help but let it loose. You’re shot with a glare and a sharp tone.  

“Funny?”  

You shake your head no and smile lightly while your hands move adeptly on the pad.  

‘Not funny, just amusing because it’s not something I would have expected. It’s different. If it makes you happy then it is an admirable hobby.’ 

Levi’s looking away from you now. If it wasn’t so dim, you would have seen there was a light dusting of pink color his cheeks and ears. He clears his throat and scans the room for his victim. His eyes land on the couple in the back corner whispering to each other. He notices their not-so-subtle hand movements as they felt each other up. Nodding in their direction, he looks back over to you, leaning close so you can hear.  

“I bet that couple will get up in the next 3 minutes and excuse themselves to somewhere private.” Your eyes travel in that direction, only to look away hastily at such an intimate scene. You’re not able to think of a counter-bet because honestly, you’re thinking the same thing. Your eyes settle back to his face, but he’s already looking back at the couple. If he noticed you staring, he didn’t say. Suddenly his face is filled with a satisfied look, only to be replaced quickly with a look of horror. You follow his gaze again, afraid of what you might see.

Fortunately, it’s nothing risqué, as you catch the tail end of the couple slipping into one of the public, unmarked restrooms. But the thought of their future actions was enough to gross you out. Looking back at Levi, you scrunch your face up in disgust. He nods in understanding.  

“This is why we don’t use public restrooms, especially in a bar.” He pinches the bridge of his nose with his good hand. “When I said somewhere private, I meant like a residence or something. Filthy animals, unbelievable. They better scrub that bathroom down. Maybe I should tell the bartender when they’re done. Maybe I should help clean.” 

His retorts crack you up, your shoulders bouncing from silent laughter. He just stares at you impassively as he runs his fingers through his hair to get it out of his face.  

“Well, it’s not like we should ruin their fun. Anyways I suppose I won. Let’s see... what’s your favorite color?” 

You part your lips, dumbfounded. This was never an easy question, as you found joy in a lot of different colors. You bite your lip and start writing, but after a couple minutes Levi rips the pad from your hands out of impatience.  

salmon 

turquoise? 

canary yellow! 

orange 

dark forest gre- 

He just looks at you in alarm.  

“Just pick one.” he scolds. 

You snatch the pad back and scribble down, ‘It’s not that simple!’  

“It is to me. White, easy.” You just stare right back at him, not believing what you just heard. Out of all the many shades and hues out there, this man decides the color white.  

‘Why?’ 

“It’s clean.” is the only response you get.  

It makes sense, you think. But seriously, this man was so weird. But like you said earlier, it was different and that made it refreshing to you. You start searching for your next bet.  

As if in a scene from a movie you’ve seen a dozen times came to life, your eyes snap to a lone woman sitting at the bar, nursing a drink and playing on her phone. A couple seats down, you spot a few men chatting. One of the men is staring hard at the very oblivious woman. You nudge Levi with your elbow, not unnoticing the slight flinch from your touch. You point to the scene, and he is quick to understand.  

“I bet when he walks over to her, she’ll get up and leave.” He says confidently.  

Trusting your instincts, you scrawl back quickly as you notice the man started making his way towards the woman. Sticking your tongue out at him, you angle the pad to him so he could see.  

‘Absolutely not. She’ll tell him off right away.’  

To both yours and his surprise, not one moment later she throws the rest of her drink contents onto the man’s head. She gathers her belongings, throws a wad of bills on to the bar, then stomps out of the establishment. The rejected man staggers back to his friends, and they applaud him for his supposed gall. This event left you both stunned. There’s a moment of pause where you and Levi just stare at each other before all hell breaks loose as he starts talking and you start scribbling furiously.  

“She walked away, I win.”  

‘She threw that drink on him, that’s practically telling him off. And that happened before any walking off.’  

“That hardly counts, no words were used.” He scoffs and folds his arms across his chest as he stares hard at you. You weren’t sure if the indignation was real or not, but it was evident in his face.   

‘Words are not always needed to convey intent.’ You shoot back at him, shifting your weight to tap your foot defiantly. You would know this of course.  

This makes Levi pause. He opens his mouth to say something but then Erwin and Hange came crashing into the little bubble you two had made. Suddenly the sounds of clinking glasses and mindless chatter came rushing in and you took a step back.  

“Um, I think Hange might have had a little too much tonight.” Erwin says, to which your attention is drawn to a very drunk Hange. They were a blubbering, sobbing mess. Whining about things that ranged from Carly to her work stress and everything in between. Your sister rarely got this drunk, but you imagine the events from earlier might have been her breaking point. This was a sign to get her home.  

You hastily round the table to wrap her arm around you and prop her up. Then after whipping a $20 out of your purse and throwing it on the table in front of the boys, you give them a grateful smile and sign to Erwin.  

‘Thank you both for tonight. She and I had a lot of fun. But I need to get her home before she gets worse.’ As if on cue, they let out a loud wail and start sobbing into your shoulder. You shift your body to hold them closer so that you don’t drop them. Erwin grabs your $20 and shoves it back in your purse before zipping it up. He had left you no time to protest as he places a large hand on your shoulder and stares intensely at you.  

“Please, let me take care of this. Tell them this was an exceptional time. And to please stop by the café again, we owe each a good, sober talk.” His bright blue eyes crinkled in the corners as he smiled at you warmly. “It was a pleasure meeting you too. I hope you join Hange on the café visits as well. I think Levi has warmed up to you just nicely.” He wiggles an eyebrow at his friend. Levi just shoves him back and rolls his eyes.  

“Tch, fuck off. She’s alright, I guess.” He’s staring at you now, not as cold as before. “You owe me an answer next time we meet.”  

You purse your lips at him and shake your head in disagreement. 

‘I totally won that, don’t even think otherwise.’ You jot down lazily on the notepad still on the table. It wasn’t as neat, but you were propping up a whole human, you couldn’t help it.   

“Are you sure you’re safe to get home okay? We can he-” You cut Erwin off with a wave of the hand. Their spot of choice was actually very lucky, as you only live a few minutes away. And to be honest, you needed the cold air. So, you sign a quick goodbye to your new friends and make your way out. 

Walking down the snowy sidewalk, you pat Hange’s head as she grumbles about random things. She opted to walk herself, but you kept your hand in theirs to lead them in the right direction. She only stumbled a few times but overall, you were able to keep a steady pace. You note that before you left, her glass of water had been untouched, so you make a mental reminder to hydrate her before throwing her in bed.  

‘Alcohol was not kind to those in their 30s’ you heard their voice say in the back of your mind.  

As your steps left crunching noises in their wake, you peer up at the moon and glittering stars. A certain raven-haired and silver-eyed man etched in your brain. You wonder how soon it will be before seeing him again.  

‘Levi’ you sign to yourself with a free hand. A smile cemented to your face the whole way home.

☾ Next Chapter: December

[ohwormwood]

i've lost my goddamn mind: rambling on parallels in isat and frankenstein

i need to write this down so i can try and defend my ass because it sounds crazy until you read the goddamn book and suddenly IT ALL MAKES FUCKING SENSE.

[woe, spoilers be upon ye! for both isat and frankenstein of course]

for context: i am a gender studies minor. i write on queer theory for funsies. and sometimes i like to let my hyperfixations melt together like cheese. this is the result.

Siffrin and victor. it's the fucking rampant mental illness for me. i cannot stress how many times i stopped mid-chapter and went "theyre the same fucking picture". it's fucking uncanny at times. The absolute extent of their self loathing is so in tandem that it's kind of scary. Both of them, despite not being directly involved, hold the weight of the deaths of their loved ones upon themselves (even if in Siffrin's case it was temporary, the point still stands). They both love their families so dearly???? like, to the point of self destruction and death. The absolute terror of losing your family to a force you cannot control, created by your own hand???

"I often suffered my mule to lag behind, and indulged in the misery of reflection. At other times I spurred on the animal before my companions, that I might forget them, the world, and, more of all, myself." (Shelley 67) Hello???? Siffrin???? is that you

So, as you probably guessed.... Loop is the creature in this case. The foil. The reflection. the absolute anguish of being denied humanity and comfort and love but having the capacity and inclination to love a family you cannot obtain. The simultaneous scorn yet codependence upon the other half they didn't get to choose, a need for revenge but also a profound and all-consuming self-hatred and remorse??? the self-denial of love???

"my heart yearned to be known and loved by these amiable creatures: to see their sweet looks turned towards me with affection" (Shelley 96) Head in fucking hands. loop watching the party. ough.

"if i cannot inspire love, i will cause fear" (Shelley 107) LIKE. MOTHERFUCKER. OUGHHH.

the fact that victor cannot fucking die for the vast majority of the story, spurned on by revenge and grief and self-loathing.... yeah act 5 siffrin...

I see this as like. the ISAT bad ending. Two Hats if loop had a lil chat with the king and went off the deep end. Or just loop, if they had no concept of their former self. if siffrin was a true frankenstein in that situation, i think that loop would definitely end up as a true version of the creature.

both siffrin and victor feeling undeserving of their family's love because of their actions

Oh here's the one that will send ppl over the edge: "or longed, with a devouring maladie du pays..." (Shelley 139) When i tell you I fucking almost yelled in the middle of work. I had to take a fucking pause. because the topic of homesickness and love for one's culture comes up a LOT in both of these. even if siffrin doesn't remember it.

Sidenote: i will forever and always hold in my heart that victor is ace. i am literally writing a fucking theoretical essay on this. I cannot explain here how much i have picked apart every allusion to this over the course of the text. it's genuinely a problem.

"You hate me; but your abhorrence cannot equal that with which I regard myself." (Shelley 170) i. i cannot say anything else about this but. Loop. yeah.

something something, fallen angel motifs in both the creature and loop

the creature's overseeing of the family in the cottage makes me think a lot about how loop would have seen their family interacting with who they could have been/used to be every fucking loop. but being unable to do anything about it. and then when they DO meet them. they do not recognize them and see them as inhuman. i simply fucking cry.

Anyways to end on a lighthearted note: isa is my walton. hopelessly gay. devoted to a fucking fault. secretly holds the braincells. the most loving man on gods green earth. Sympathizer 1000. Yeah.

did i need to do this? no. does it make any logical sense? absolutely fucking not. but am i going to be thinking about this for the next 3 weeks? yes. yes i am. thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[tlbodine]

Overthinking Goosebumps

It's been a long, ugly year for me. So I suppose it shouldn't be a surprise that I've be craving some intense comfort and nostalgia this fall. Which is, I think, why I found myself gripped by a sudden and intense desire to re-read the the Goosebumps books.

Like every horror-loving Millennial, I cut my teeth on R.L. Stine books. The Haunted Mask was the first chapter book I remember reading, checking it out from the library on a whim. I was 7 years old and completely enthralled.

I spent my weekly $5 allowance on Goosebumps as often as I could and read them from libraries all over the country as we traveled. I didn't have a complete set -- my interest waned by the end of the run, as I'd shifted over to Animorphs -- but I did have a couple dozen of them that I foolishly donated. I haven't touched one of these books in 20 years.

So when the craving hit, replacing my copies felt expensive and daunting. They're collector's items that are worth more than the $3.99 I paid for them in the first place. So I tried to quell my craving by watching videos of people who had done a "read every Goosebumps book challenge," except that just made me want to read them more.

Then I found a bunch of them in audio. They just so happen to be the perfect length to knock out in a day or two of commuting - 2-3 hours per book. A perfect indulgence. I started listening and discovered that not only was I enjoying myself, but that I even had some big thoughts! So, hell, why not blog it?

No promises that I'll blog about every one that I read, and no telling how far I'll make it into the series before my enthusiasm wears off, but for now...I'm overthinking Goosebumps.

So follow along at the "#overthinking goosebumps" tag and come tell me about YOUR experience with these books!

Some General Notes

There are a few things that are kind of a given for every Goosebumps book, which I'll acknowledge here so I don't have to re-tread the same ground over and over in future reviews:

Every chapter ends on a cliffhanger. A lot of those cliffhangers are fake "gotchas" and a lot of the stories rely heavily on practical joker characters in order to add some conflict. Sometimes this is more annoying than others, but I can't really fault Stine for doing it. These were pulpy books for young reluctant readers. When you're 7 years old, this kind of stuff keeps you engaged.

Every book has a twist. At least, most of them do. Some of these twists are better than others. I'll probably talk about a lot of them, but just...you have to go into this anticipating that a lot of these books are shaggy dog stories.

Adults are useless. That's just middle-grade fiction for you. Kids don't want to read about parents solving problems. They want to read about kids having cool adventures.

Oh yeah - I also may mention the TV show from time to time, but I was not much of a fan of the show. I know a lot of other people are nostalgic about it, but I didn't like it as a kid and it certainly hasn't aged well. The effects look cheap, the acting is uniformly terrible, and the episodes generally aren't well-adapted from the books. So sorry if I piss on your parade when I bring up episodes in relation to the books. The theme song is a banger though.

The average Goosebumps book is around 20-25k in length. Stine released a new one every month for the entirety of its 62-book run. He was writing these in a couple weeks. EDIT: Apparently he did employ some ghostwriters, which is news to me and makes me sad, but I still respect him anyway. His background in magazine and TV writing really shows through with these, both in terms of speed, process, and humor.

(I admire the hell out of R.L. Stine. I got to very briefly meet him at NYCC and thank him for his influence. It was great.)

Ok. Fangirl flexing over.

Looking forward to re-visiting these books and giving some of the ol' classic T.L. Bodine deep-dive treatment to them ;)

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

Hey! Was just in the midst of rereading "Lily" and I had a question about your rewriting process:

Was it hard having to replace all the "Harry Potter" elements? Are things REALLY different from "Lily" the fic, or is it just the basics? Is there still a school for magic?

The most important one, tho, is: Did you change Lily's name? I hope not lol

On another note, REALLY excited for the published book! Which actually brings another question, I looked at the word count, and I don't think you can make all of "Lily" one book, so is it gonna be a trilogy, cuz I remember once you said that there are three main arcs, or is it just gonna be a series?

Sorry about all these questions!

Feels weird answering this without having released anything to the wild yet but why not.

And no worries about the question, it's great to know people are still interested/interested at all. That fic is kind of... my ridiculous pet project gone wild that consumed my account for too many years.

Was it Hard Replacing Things?

Yes.

This was the main trouble/what took so damn long. The main story and characters (Lily and her journey and all of that) aren't really reliant on the HP framework, which why it was possible to convert at all, but it's dependent on there being known archetypes and tropes. I like to think I pull it off with a very stereotypical high fantasy setting but a lot had to change, while serving the interests of the story and characters, and also making internal sense.

That meant a lot of sitting down and thinking about the new world, how it works, and the new cast of secondary characters.

Are Things Really Different?

Yes and no.

The overarching point of the story is the same and the main characters go through the same major emotional arcs. The actual plotlines though are vastly different, the world is different, and the secondary characters are different (well, some are reminiscent of the fic but get way more speaking lines/some changes to personalities and others are new).

Basically, I had to write new content for most of it (but the beginning was sadly similar enough that we got the whole pulling down debacle that I still have to wait and see where that lands).

Some things are still the same in that there's still a prophecy, still a case of Lily having been dumped somewhere else for convenient reasons of convenience, and so on.

Is There a Magic School

Sort of.

It's Sir Not Appearing in Book One but does get quite a few name drops.

Is Lily's Name Changed?

She's still Lily and Ellie to start with but she has another name as well and the surname and middle name are different. I was too attached to Lily as a name to drop it by this point.

How Many Fucking Books Is It?

You're right in that it's a long story.

Fuck, it's a long story.

What I've got now for this to be published book is the first arc, roughly the equivalent of chapters 1-25 in the fic version for those following along (same major arc going on). In Lily I'd say while there's three major arcs it'd probably break down best into 4-5 books (though don't quote me, I'm bad at doing this stuff until I sit down to actually write it).

Once I finally get done with this editing business of book 1, book 2 is pretty well scoped out, I have a solid idea what book 3 would be, and then... could be one to two more as I have to sit down and really think about those (that's a future me problem).

[nouklea]

Fic Tag Game!

I was tagged by @beri-allen, @writerrose1998, @cosmic-lullaby and @wileyonce. Thanks! <3

20 questions below the cut:

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

16

2. What’s your AO3 word count?

136,228

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Wednesday for now. I used to write for StarWars (see question 12) but no traces remains from that era.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Woe of Wrath

I'm on my Way

Variations on a Main Theme - 1

A Second Chance for a First Impression

Five Minutes Earlier

5. Do you respond to comments?

As much as possible. Usually I respond to every comment, even if it's just to say a quick Thank You. The only fic on which I haven't done that is Woe of Wrath, if fell into limbo and I have a hard time focusing on it right now. And I feel kind of weird to answer comments after several months of silence, but the more I wait the weirder it gets...

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Doomed is a Dead Dove Do Not Eat fic. The entire text is dark, including the ending.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I will go with Double-Date With Dad. Farewell Xavier Thorpe ends on a really good note too (if you are not a fan of Xavier).

8. Do you get hate on fics?

It never happened. Fingers crossed.

9. Do you write smut? What kind?

I try. I find it difficult for two reasons. First, it's tough to avoid clichés. When you read smut, you end up noticing some general patterns, and I do my best to stay away from those. Second, I'm not a fan of some popular kinks, for instance I can't stand the expression "good girl", and therefore I'm not interested in writing it, even if I keep reading authors that use them. Some people probably think my smut fics are boring, too soft, too ordinary. But I don't care (yeah, I do, but shh).

10. Do you write cross-overs?

No. And I have a really hard time reading cross-overs too. And I hate cross-overs in tv shows. Complete respect to authors, however. It's just not my thing.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No. I guess I could translate my own fics in French since it's my native language, but for now I don't see any reason to do so.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away, I did. It was a weird kind of toxic partnership. The other person was responsible for writing the general plot (because my ideas weren't good enough), and I had to turn every page he wrote into a three-pages long section, adding descriptions and filling the blanks. And correct the spelling and grammar, and add better vocabulary...

13. What WIP would you like to finish but doubt you ever will?

I hope I will finish every WIP I currently have, even if they tend to pile up (WIP bunnies...). My biggest challenge is to go back to Woe of Wrath. It is my first fic, it is a multi-chapter one, and I started to write it just to let the steam out after a twenty-years-long writing hiatus, so the outline was not super clear, there are many plot holes I try to fix, the sentences and vocabulary are bad... I know where I want to take the story and how it ends, but it's hard not to want to start over.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

For fanfics I'll say Weyler because it's the only thing I've ever written. Now besides that... For those who read Guy Gavriel Kay, I'm forever bound to the Diarmuid/Sharra ship, followed by Paul/Jaelle. Quite fond of the Clary/Jace ship in The Mortal Instruments (The books! Don't talk to me about the movie or the tv show!)

15. What are your writing strengths?

No damn idea. I've been asking myself the same question since I was thirteen.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Probably not being able to answer question 15. Imposter syndrome.

17. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

In French it's not a problem, of course. I've done it in Impulsion. I have studied Latin for two years in highschool so I felt comfortable enough to translate a few sentences in Woe of Wrath. For other languages, I would only do so if I can find a beta reader fluent in this specific language to correct the grammar. I cringe everytime I read English fics with badly written French dialogs, it makes me loose the focus on the story (Same for tv shows, by the way. Come on, you have 2 millions $ to produce an episode and you can't find someone to double-check your French sentence?). It's really hard for me not to comment with a correction (AO3 etiquette: do not provide corrections unless the author specifically asked for it). I don't want to inflict that on my readers by butchering their native language.

18. First fandom you wrote for?

Star Wars. It was a long time ago (in a galaxy far far away), when there were only three movies and a few books (Timothy Zahn forever!). And for those who wonder how old I am, I used to write with WordPerfect, DOS version (it was the pre-Windows era). It had a blue background (terrible for the eyes) and some keycodes you had to use to change the font to bold or italics. Since you can't visualize anything in DOS (it's not a wysiwyg), it used colors, so you had to remember what it meant (yellow letters meant italics...). And I used to save those texts on a floppy my mom took to her office to print.

19. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

It's not a popular one, but I really like Monologue for a Hyde. I like the tone. Pretty happy with Fuck Me Once Shame on You, Fuck Me Twice Shame on Me, too.

20. What fic would you want to rewrite one day?

Woe of Wrath without a doubt. With a proper plan, and a lot of plot holes avoided (that damn cellphone...)

I will tag the Death Metal and Glitter Club members whose Tumblr ids I know, aka @anotherbluesunday, @tastethesetears, @darling-gemini, @darlingfuego,

As well as @broken-everlark, @persephoneed, @bithablu, @allergictocolor and @insomniac1994.

[claraxbarton]

You might have answered this before, BUT I’m a recent follower and curious ok!! Generally speaking, what is your writing process like? I’m genuinely so impressed by how many different fics you’ll have going simultaneously and they’re all updated SO frequently. AND THEY’RE ALL SO GOOD?? Like do you have vague plans/outlines or drafts that you expand on/edit? Your accountability post will mention writing a few thousand words and then there’s an update the same day and it’s written so well lmao it blows my MIND bc it seems like you just come up with the plot on the fly and then casually write a lil masterpiece after work like it’s nbd. All of this to say I appreciate your work so much ♥️

<3

So uh, to start off with, I'm guessing when you say you recently started following me, you're probably just reading my HRPF fics? I SAY that/ask that because I've bounced through a few fandoms and I kind of go back and forth between being VERY prolific and finishing up projects and kind of... losing steam.

To be fair to me and not to scare anyone off, before this year I have, for the last decade and change, been juggling two full time jobs, part time work, childcare and a lot of volunteer work PLUS trying to write so like, I'm cutting myself some slack on abandoned projects. Because I'm finally down to 1 full time job and 1 part time gig that is only during the summer. I will ALSO say, in December I switched meds for my anxiety/depression so I'm on a new dose, new meds for the first time in 5 years and I do think that's been really impactful in a positive way.

SO, exposition and TMI out of the way:

I wish I could say I had a really clear process that I follow every time, but I don't want to lie. I create docs with notes - I'm thinking about including those as an epilogue chapter on the fics I'm currently working on, if anyone is interested in my scribbles aside from myself and my beta - and SOMETIMES I create outlines. A lot of the time, I will write a chapter or two and THEN create the outline? That's what happened with Gold Rush, but also with Gold Rush, I have already deviated from the outline like... a lot.

I'm trying to be way more chill with myself than I used to be. I was in this deep grind of forcing myself to be productive because that's where my value was (@kangofu-cb is a real one and has been trying to beat this out of me for years. Beating with love). And I'll be honest, being kinder to myself and putting less pressure is, like, so far, so good.

I usually have about, like... a dozen or so fic ideas in my head at any one time (@dwisp can attest to the DAILY messages of 'hear me out' as can @kangofu-cb), but I uh, I really feel 4 long fic is my simultaneous max.

I also have a problem with like, so if you DO want to read some of my not HRPF stuff, I think a good primer is the WinterhawkHood month I did in October with a fic a day, and the consistent issue is: I feel like I'm really good at creating a premise and that premise wants to exist beyond 2-5k. So longfic is probably the format to best tell the stories I want to tell, but, like, writing shorter fic is a lot of fun? That also does NOT answer your question.

Oh! MUSIC! It's so so so so important to my process. I used to put on specific artists, like really get into a singular vibe for a fic. But these days it's just my routine sleepy sad girl playlists (name coined by a former assistant and like she wasn't wrong). Which also probably explains how much sad sack Leon there is in my current fics. I should probably like, get some new playlists going...

Uh, in terms of like, my style/my ideas... so my professional life is theatre adjacent, and I think because of that, dialogue and THE INCITING INCIDENT are really important to me. So usually any fic idea forms around the kernal of the meet ugly and some choice words.

Like, for Gold Rush, I absolutely started from the idea of Leon being a bitch to the press and getting a text from an unknown number/Matthew and it just grew from there.

For Playing Favorites, I absolutely wanted to have former camboy Vince realize his new... work colleague??? Adam Larsson knew he was a former camboy. Which is funny because that moment happens in the middle of the fic (which I AM going to update again soon, y'all might vote consistently for Gold Rush in the polls but this weekend I think it's gotta be some love for my two Lars&Dunn fics).

For Northern Attitude, that inciting incident is, uh, about to occur in ch4 that I'm currently working on. And it's. Well. Yeah. So I got the idea for that 'scene' if you will first and then figured it out backwards?

For Wildfire that, too, has an inciting incident that has yet to make it into a chapter. But she's coming soon.

So really, only Gold Rush started as the beginning as far as ideas went for me? That said, I still START at the beginning when I write. I used to scribble down scenes and then piece them in, but I honestly found it constrained me more than anything else and I'm aware that doesn't make much sense.

I feel like this entire answer is a total nonanswer of me just blathering away. I hope at least part of this is what you wanted and uh... sincerely? Thank you for asking. It means a lot and like, my process is weird and inconsistent but I do genuinely love to talk about my writing.

[heartfeltletters-written]

20 questions for writers tag game!

tagged by @widebrimmedhatsblog (thank you so much!!)

Total number of AO3 works

Six 

Total AO3 word count

150,968

Fandoms I’ve written in

Empyrean, Harry Potter and One direction

Top 5 fics by kudos

we never knew peace; here at your doorway; the ghost scar; when the flames burned green the dragons danced; between me and louis (this fic is a fever dream I do not remember it lmao)

Do I respond to comments? 

I always do !! or at least i try my best. I absolutely love receiving comments it's my motivation to keep sharing my writing tbh the least I can do is answer my readers !! i reread the comments an obscene amount of times so yeah I always answer

What has the angstiest ending? 

when the flames burned green the dragons danced. i mean it is inspired by blood & cheese of hotd so obviously its very very angsty and sad and just tragic.

What has the happiest ending? 

idk about happy fics, since i haven't finished my big fics but maybe here at your doorway has the happiest ending.

Have I received hate? 

Yes both in HP fandom and in the Empyrean (although I have to say this fandom is much more chill) and it's awful lmao. stopped me from writing for a few months and it was just so ??? because it's always hate about how I handle my characters and my plot and just ... omg go write your own fic then ?? But yeah if you have nothing nice to say then don't say it

Do I write smut? And what kind? 

I have written smut but most of it isn't published lmao. I write all kinds of smut like idk what u mean by that lmao. kinky, soft like idk

Do I write crossovers? 

I haven't written any !!

Have I ever had a fic stolen? 

Nope! and thank god for that

Have I ever had a fic translated?

Nope! My fics are not worthy of a translation lmao

Have I ever co written a fic? 

Yes I have !! but tbh we were both on the verge of sleep when we did it it was like 3am and I remember almost nothing of the process except it was so much fun. 

What is my all time favorite ship? 

According to Ao3 its Daemyra and Riorgail but i will always have a very special place in my heart for both hinny and jily. like those are my first loves fr and what got me into fanfiction

A WIP I’ll never finish?

I have a few thousand words of a riorgail canon divergence au where violet figures out venin are real after reading the note from her dad and confronts xaden about it. i started writing it before iron flame came out but at this point I don't think I'll ever finish it lmao.

Writing strengths? 

I get a lot of comments saying I write trauma responses really well (what does that say about me lmao) and also characterizations which is baffling bc I've always thought that was one of my weaknesses so I'm really happy.

Writing weaknesses?

I really struggle with writing dialogue i overthink it too much sometimes trying really hard to not sound cringy, Sally Rooney has helped a lot with that btw !! and I would also say I sometimes forget what I wrote in previous chapters so it can be hard to follow along some plots I introduced. I think I have the same problem as GRRM I want to create so many storylines and lore that I sometimes lose myself and idk what to do with so much information but oh well

Do I like foreign language dialogue? 

I do! Especially when i speak the language the character is speaking lmao. but one thing that annoys me is pronunciations, like for example hangrid and fleur like omg just write it in English or make her speak french !! but other than that I do love it. i don't think I'll ever write it tho

First fandom I wrote for? 

One direction (i was 15 guys and deep into the larry lore)

Favorite fic I’ve written? 

We never knew peace definitely. That's my baby, i work so hard on it and I think it's coming together much better than I expected. My writing has improved a lot and I think that fic is the prime example of that. I also really like what I've done with both violet and xaden in there.

I'd like to tag: @creative-girl; (and i feel like every other writer i know has done this already so yeah if u haven't feel free to)

[recurring-polynya]

Writing/Art Update 11.28.2023

I am almost done Chapter 5. I have two scenes left on the outline, but I'm pretty sure I can combine them, and that it would be better that way. I've been working on that last scene for a couple of days, and I was hoping I could finish it up and report that I was done chapter 5. I had been sort of struggling with it, in the way where you're writing and you're like "this isn't right, this isn't right," and at some point today, I was like, "maybe this is not going in the right direction and I need to start over." I decided to think about it while I did a chore, and I started thinking about what I had to do in Chapter 6, and realized it might all be part of the same problem. So, anyway, I'm calling this week and making that next week's problem.

Not counting that last scene, since it might get tossed, Part B is at 7221 (44,089 altogether). That's a weekly progress of 3772 + the 1260 words that might get axed, but for the purposes of Was I a Hard Worker This Week? it counts, so: 5032. Pretty good! Oh, wait, I just remembered, I wrote half of another out-of-order scene, because I thought of it and didn't want it to get away, so +395 = 5,427!

As I noted last week, I already have a significant part of Chapter 6 written (like 6500 words worth) but, like.... to what end? It's just kind of hanging out there in the narrative, and I guess I'm at the point where I need to figure out what happens next, probably thru the end of the fanfic. I think that once I figure this out it will either be a clear path from now to the end and probably be like 8 or 9 chapters + an epilogue OR it will spiral wildly out of control, some other fucking subplot will sneak in, and it will go 12+ chapters and I will cry a lot. (Writing tip: Do not start new subplots more than about 33% of the way through a story! It will mess up the flow of your narrative and make the story feel unbalanced. If you think of something and it's so good you can't resist, you gotta go back to the beginning and start weaving hints of it in early. This is precisely how a fanfic ends up at over 100k)

I did not draw anything this week, but I am hoping to do a tutorial tomorrow and I am definitely planning to do a fanart in the next few weeks.

[maivalkov]

OK, but can we stop for a moment to appreciate the work you do with your fanfics?

I mean, this afternoon I was rereading some of your fics on AO3 and I landed on "Gatito". I looked at the date of the first publication and it's in 2018. whaaaaat?????!!!! i mean, it's incredible that a fic released 5 years ago is still alive and updated!!! i know there have been pauses, as is natural and necessary, but the amount of hours spent, the times you must have had to write, make drafts, rewrite, delete again until you've found what you were looking for, or at least an approximation. All this shows devotion and involvement and that's why I wanted to acknowledge the effort you have made and continue to make in updating and creating content despite how difficult it must be to reconcile it with work and personal problems. For this very reason, thank you.

The same applies to Zoute Drop. You started the story on 27 May 2021 and you're still updating! Girl, that's what you call perseverance :) And to all this, you have to add the special events like hetaweek or the special weeks to the ships, like Spuk, of whom you take the time to post fics.

Well, I've realised that I've come up with a long text hahahaha, it's not my intention to be heavy. I simply wanted to reflect on the time/effort/consistency that you dedicate to your works. (which are also incredible, the way you manage to capture the emotions of the characters and capture them in words so that those who read them can feel them; how you manage to maintain the tension at the end of each chapter and you manage to make my day happy every time you update a new chapter, and I'm convinced that this happens to all of us who read your creations ;)

Having said that, I hope you have a good night and the sweetest dreams 🤍 (and thank you again for every masterpiece that you upload)

I think praise really ought to be given to the attention and love you've poured into this ask, anon.

I have a lot of feelings about Gatito. It's witnessed my highs and lows, it's been a much-needed teacher in the ways of writing, and it's the reason I now call certain amazing writers 'friend'.

I'm incredibly grateful to that word child, and to those who've stuck with me all this time. I always wanted to see this fic through till the end, and I'm happy there are people willing to join me as we plod towards the finish line. :)

Zoute Drop feels considerably young in comparison, but now that you mention it, I guess it's getting on too, right? (Fear not. There's still plenty of time and chapters left in that one.)

I adore writing, as you've probably noticed. Events are a great outlet for the NedPort or EngSpa daydreams, or a whole new prompt I wouldn't normally consider. For anyone interested, on that note, I'll be taking part in @hetaberia-week very soon, and, for the first time ever... @hetaween-event later this year >:)

Thank you again for your kind words, I can't express how much it means. Despite reading the same fics time and again myself, I forget people might enjoy revisiting mine. It's a strange but wonderful feeling. If the stories I churn out provide something, whether that's a laugh or mild frustration as I leave you all on another cliffhanger (looking at you Gatito), then my work here is done. I'm glad you enjoy my fics, truly, and hope you have a wonderful day. 💖

[squirrelkiln-art]

Unearthed Revision - Chapter 5 Notes

If you haven’t read Chapter 5 of the Unearthed Revision, read it here! This post is gonna have some behind the scenes details and minor spoilers for the chapter it’s about.

Today went by faster than it should have... But here I am now. Technical difficulties assured I couldn’t post earlier like I wanted to. Chapter 5 is light in notes because I wanted some art to be done already but surprise--technical difficulties. I’ll try and post this weekend about it, mostly some character art and a couple sneak peeks.

Minor spoilers ahead!

Chapter 5 was always intended to be a bit of a breather chapter as well, moreso for the characters than the readers. It also expands on some relationships and characterization as a bit of a buffer among the chaos of the story.

When I first wrote about describing Ben’s barrack I wanted to call back to what I believe is the Omniverse view of his room, though it might have been UAF, where things were disorderly but not dirty or anything along those lines.

His room’s cleanliness is also a reference to Ben’s ADHD/Autism/whatever I coded him as. Probably both. Cleanliness is needed to keep the mind sharper than not but is also incredibly difficult to maintain for ND people. Same goes for Ben.

The various photographs were initially going to be drawn by me (at least a few) when I first made this fic, but I hate drawing group photos.

Tech support, comic relief as they were, also purposely had short roles in this fic because... Well, I have a very iffy relationship with comic relief characters. These two aren’t my favorite comic relief overall.

Graymatter was also going to have a more prevalent role, but I liked the idea of having to go old-school detective on this situation instead of just hacking computers or something.

Like the original one, Chapter 5 is a bit... awkward in timing and word count. Initially all the chapters were, like, 1000 words minimum because that was a lot for me as a sprouting author. (Well, as a sprouting author in the way of actually sharing my works with others other than friends.) I kind of regret not considering repairing the pacing before starting the rewrite but I can’t say it particularly bothers me.

Chapter 5 is the chapter that has the most revisions done within the AO3 page itself. A few hundred words were added and a lot more tweaked, though nothing substantial.

The initial chapter 5, IIRC, never had Max put down the tray of food. It just kinda vanished from mentioning. I didn’t realize that until reworking the fic and it bothered me sooo bad. (In the revision, Max puts it down when he goes to fetch Kevin and Gwen. Problem solved!)

The grimace I mention whenever Tech Support is brought up to people is what I imagine the Ben 10 version of the “Excalibur Face” from Soul Eater is. Just extreme sense of, “oh god, why?” while still being comedic. 

As the top body text in this post mentions, I plan on posting some art for the characters. Nothing too groundbreaking but it’d be fun. Also working on some of the OC work for it as well. Hopefully it comes out well! Also, I’m excited to start sharing the cut diary entries. Thanks for reading if you got this far! (As of writing, I don’t think anyone has besides me. Oh well!)

[crabs-with-sticks]

Fic Wrap-Up Meme: 2024

(repurposing an old tag game to yap about fics, and i encourage anyone else who wants to do the same!)

FANDOMS - Dragon Age, Baldur's Gate 3

3 FANFICS WITH THE MOST KUDOS IN 2024 -

I'm almost certainly known for my Dragon Age stuff here- but my BG3 stuff is my most popular stuff in terms of like hits n kudos actually!

The Annual Blackstaff Academy Ball (Gale/Tav, BG3)

Since recovering from the orb and the parasites, Gale has put back on some of his weight, no longer having his life force and magic consumed. Ever the perfectionist though, he worries that it will be seen as a sign of his flaws, rather than as recovery. The Annual Blackstaff Academy Ball has arrived. It will be the first time that Gale and his partner Slate will be out in society together, so the fear of judgement from his old peers and life abounds.

Crude Imitations of Barriers (Gale/Tav, BG3)

Having heard what has been asked of Gale by his goddess, Slate goes to check on him, and they both have to cross the barriers they have constructed to face the difficult questions. What are they? And what can they allow themselves do next?

An Unwilling Apotheosis (Solas/Lavellan, Dragon Age Inquisition)

“Everybody around me just looks at me like I’m some kind of saviour. The Great and Mighty Herald of Andraste, here to save us all.” “The weight of duty is heavy indeed. Those weaker than you would have bowed under its pressure already.” She bit her lip, keeping her eyes fixed on the ceiling, “I just wish I didn’t have to.”

FAVOURITE OPENING LINE FROM A FIC IN 2024 -

Follow My Voice

Ghilara Lavellan stared blankly out from the camp which was filled mostly with the desperate and only partially of the dying.

FAVOURITE CLOSING LINE FROM A FIC IN 2024 -

Giant Spiders and Pastries

“Fuck that pastry was good,” exclaimed the warden, to nobody in particular.

Idk why but this one just brings me a lot of joy. Morrigan baring her heart out while Mara is just like 'well, theres at least 5 weirder things I've experienced in the last day, just let me enjoy my croissant that I'm pretending isn't slightly mouldy"

FAVOURITE QUOTE FROM A FIC IN 2024

Follow My Voice (Chap. 12) Dragon Age Inquisition

His whole body shuddered, and if either felt the other’s tears on their skin they would simply have said it was just the river water drying.

The whole chapter this is from was very challenging to write, as there are just so many emotions (it was the emotional climax of the whole thing), but they had to be conveyed in as little dialogue as possible. In the end I think there was like... 6? dialogue lines in the chapter??

FIC I’M MOST PROUD OF IN 2024 -

Follow My Voice for SURE- I even wrote a really sappy and emotional authors note (you can find it here) at the end ahaha (which I don't actually know if anybody got to lol). But basically, the gist was, I've had a lot of untreated mental health problems for over a decade, and I cam out of postgrad even worse. Even just a year ago I would have laughed if you told me I was going to write a 50k story!

The lil dragon age writing community here has been so amazing and sweet and welcoming, and y'all have done wonders for my mental health xx

NEW THINGS I HAVE TRIED IN 2024 -

Ummm, to be honest fic writing in general is still pretty new to me! I restarted writing in 2023 after not having done anything since I was a cringy 13 year old haha. But this year I've moved beyond just doing oneshots and into some much longer projects- plus baby's first fandom events! Follow My Voice is one I've finished (47k!!) and I'm working on two ongoing longfics- The End and The Beginning (solavellan fix it fic) and Small Tyrannies (Felassan/Lavellan/Solas ancient AU) :D

GOALS FOR 2025 -

Going to keep chugging along on my two ongoing longfics, and hopefully maybe finish them??

I also want to do some work on some of my non fanfic book ideas, now that I've been proving to myself for a year that actually I can still write (still got it baby!)

[subterranean-heartsick-blues]

Floating Hotel by Grace Curtis book review

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

You're gonna fly away / Glad you're goin' my way (Cruisin’ – Smokey Robinson).

Hi there, long time no see! Or at least if feels that way because I’m realizing that I've probably forgotten how to read due to the fact that my weekend has been entirely consumed by Dragon Age: The Veilguard (#ad #sponsored)! It’s wild because the game is currently being “review bombed” (meaning randos leaving purposefully bad reviews so the average rating goes real low to the floor) because the angriest dudes on the planet think the game is too “woke.” There’s a non-binary character in the game, and now apparently the weirdest guy you know feels the need to spend all of his time going on YouTube and yelling at people for playing the game? Man, that’s sad. It’s also sad because I can see how this poisoned mindset is starting to affect the opinions of the people who were looking forward to the game! They’ll be saying shit like “Yeah sure, the game might be too woke, but if you can ignore that, then it’s actually, maybe, kind of, sort of… fun!” as if that weren't the most pathetically flaccid way of saying, “I think I like it, but I need other people to tell me what to think, so I don’t know yet!” So~oo brave! Anyway, what’s my point? I don’t know, I guess I just wanted to talk about Dragon Age: The Veilguard because I like it and it’s fun (#ad #sponsored), but also, it’s important to note that I’m enjoying the game because it’s woke, not despite it. Got to "stay woke," like the song said. Yeah well, I figured I’d take a break from being exposed to all of these manufactured “culture wars” and get back into my favorite pastime of reading! And the best thing about reading is that it’s solitary. Aaah peace and quiet, so nice! Taking a break from playing my woke fantasy to read a woke Sci-fi. Okay, I’ll stop saying “woke” now, because it doesn’t even sound like a real word anymore. What I’m getting at is that it’s interesting how different the landscapes are for different forms of expressions, as in the gaming world, people can’t even handle when there are gay people or people of color in their precious video game, while in literature, the sheer diversity of the story and the characters that inhabit the Floating Hotel, this book, are not only a few of its greatest strengths, but also its biggest selling points. But here’s the thing, I’m a huge fan of Science Fiction… as long as it’s not in book form. I love the Alien movies (yes, even Alien: Covenant), Mass Effect, Metroid, Futurama, hell, I even liked Starfield! But whenever I get a craving for a Sci-Fi book, my mind immediately imagines something like an Enders Game and any interest I might have had shrivels up like a pumpkin on November 3rd. I don’t know why, I really don’t. Unfortunately, for the most part, I think this book was mostly the same in that area. You know how when you’re showing your friend your favorite movie and they’re kind of disinterested and they keep missing all the big plot revelations because they keep glancing at their phones? Well, I was that friend for a good chunk of this book. I’m the problem! But hey, I didn’t give up on it, that’s got to count for something, right?

Nonetheless, let me see if I can talk myself into liking this book. My main problem here was the fact that because we switch up the POV characters every chapter, it was kind of hard for me to grasp what was going on a lot of the time. It’s like Let it Snow all over again! The first story being good, the John Green one being mid, and then the third story being a blight on literature as a whole! Too varying for my tastes. Like, there were certain story-lines in Floating Hotel that I wanted to learn more about (like the alien one), only for the chapter to end and we’d move on to the boring spy story. Ugh. But at least this book had one author, so the writing stayed consistently fantastic throughout. Besides, here’s the thing, I wanted to like Floating Hotel, and sometimes when you pretend to like something for long enough, you actually end up liking it for real. And eventually that’s what happened here. Yay! Belated synopsis time? Okay. The basic story is that we follow the titular floating hotel, the Grand Abeona; a remnant of past human explorative optimism that now serves more as an allegory of one of those shitty cruise tickets you’d win while gambling. But what makes this specific hotel special isn’t that it can travel to infinity and beyond, but because of the interesting people that always seem to inhabit the hotel at any given time. From what I can understand, the story is sometimes about a jewel heist, a spy mission, a hidden resistance group fighting against an oppressive empire, and an “ice-breaker” work activity accidentally uncovering aliens trying to communicate with us. If this whole thing sounds like I’m literally piecing it together right now, it’s because I am. Ha ha! Damn, I can’t spark-notes this one. Can somebody go out and read this book real quick and make a clickbait YouTube video explaining beat-by-beat exactly what was going on and maybe a rundown of the themes? Thanks in advance! Anyway, sorry for ranting about video games for… oh my… this entire review, but I do think there’s an interesting comparison to be made between grifters who make their living spreading misery and organizing hate mobs against any work of art with even a dash of queerness and how Floating Hotel depicts its universe. In the story, society has progressed to the point where people can literally travel among the stars as a luxury, and yet nothing has really changed all that much. I mean, everything is still so fucked. Underneath all the quirkiness, there's something broken here. It’s really sad. And yet, I think there’s something deeply moving and deeply melancholic how this book portrays a found family of outcasts, queer or otherwise, who decided to create their own home carved out of the stars. Sounds familiar, huh? It did to me. I guess in some ways, we all need to find our own floating hotel somewhere out there. …Hey, it worked! I like this book now!!

“An Empire is a tricky thing to dismantle.”

[sesshy380]

Ship Ask - Longfic AU Atem x Bakura edition

I said I was going to do this for the idiots, and here it is! A lot of this is based on future stuff that isn’t published, but I’ll do my best to keep it spoiler free. Mostly when it comes to their relationship being more ‘relationship’ instead of the current Bakura intentionally ‘flirting’ to piss off Atem, and Atem telling Bakura to go fuck off.

Important Notes: Bakura is an immortal elemental that due to certain circumstances is now in a copy of Ryou’s body. His mind is still very much TKB, and there is no Zorc in longfic AU. His reason for being ‘bad’ during Duelist Kingdom and Battle City is due to the fact that ripped his own soul in half (though it has recently been restored). His reason for wanting all the Millennium Items is similar to TKB’s original reason for wanting them (before he became Zorc-brained).

Additionally, Atem is recently revived, and was at one time married to Kat (OC). Things happened in ancient times, which one thing led to another, and in the end he was left trapped in the Puzzle. Read the story if you wanna know more about my crazy and how I make things ‘work’. This isn’t the place to drag out the yarn board.

Both are physically 16, but chronologically they have both been around for 5,000 years. While many might find this less problematic than the ‘age thing’ with the other pairing, I’m certain there’s still someone out there going ‘ew, old lady writing teens’. Like with the other pairing, just going to once again say that if this bothers you, now is the perfect spot to follow the age old art of ‘Don’t like; Don’t read’.

1. Describe their first date.

Atem and Bakura’s first ‘date’ was somewhat mentioned/implied at the start of both chapters 47 and 48. They went to Milan for shopping and had lunch at one of the nicer restaurants (Bakura enjoys the finer things in life, and doesn’t settle for anything less).

2. Who wakes up early/Who sleeps in late?

While Bakura doesn’t like being woken early, but between him and Atem, he’s definitely the earlier riser. Atem would rather just stay in bed.

3. What was their first impression of each other?

They actually met as children. Bakura had recently been taken in by Kat’s mother at the time, and was still pretty much stuck to her side. Where she went he went. Until she wandered off to explore and accidentally stumbled across Atem. Bakura didn’t like that Kat suddenly had a new friend.

Atem held no opinion of Bakura in the beginning. All he knew was that there was no Kat without Bakura. They were two of a kind, so he got used to the extra tag-along. Eventually he grew to see Bakura as just as much of a friend.

Neither can remember in the current era why they started to hate each other. Right now Bakura appears to be tolerable of Atem’s presence, while Atem constantly finds himself vexed by the thought of Bakura breathing the same air as him.

4. Who initiates affection? Why does the other not initiate affection as much?

When it comes to actions, Bakura is the more affectionate one. Atem has no problem receiving, but he’s not very good at giving. This stems from his pharaonic upbringing.

5. Do they argue often? If so, what do they argue about?

I don’t think I have to go into details with this one. Let’s just say what don’t they argue about??? (I’m certain it’s part of their love language)

6. How do they make up/apologize after an argument?

This depends on the argument, but most times it starts off with one being passive-aggressive towards the other. This gets them actually talking again after an argument, and helps them see that maybe one (or both) of them might have overreacted/been more of an ass than usual.

7. How often do they say “I love you”?

They don’t. It’s almost like an unspoken rule between them.

8. What do they love most about the other? Why?

A lot of this is going to be based around future content, but the idea has already been hinted at.

Atem- That once you get past the coarse outer shell, Bakura is actually just a softie.

Bakura- That Atem has genuinely been interested in changing himself to be a better person.

9. What do they dislike most about the other? Why?

‘I don’t feel like writing the world's longest novel.’ ← My answer to this question.

10. Do they share any hobbies or interests? How do these things bring them together?

They do both enjoy games (though Atem is still hesitant to play any TTRPG’s with Bakura as the DM/GM…for obvious reasons). They both also enjoy creating in their downtime. Atem enjoys painting while Bakura enjoys sculpting. They will sit in their shared art studio for hours working on their respective pieces (sometimes in silence, sometimes just mindless banter and talk).

11. How do they feel about nicknames/pet names? If they like them, what pet names do they use? If they hate them, why do they feel that way?

They already refer to each other as ‘Thief’ and ‘Pharaoh’, so using each other’s actual name holds more impact. Though when Bakura is trying to show that he is being honest in how he feels, he calls Atem ‘Tem’. Sometimes Atem will tease Bakura and call him ‘Ku-Ku’ (because he knows how much it bothers him).

12. Do they have a difficult time when separated from each other, or are they fairly independent?

Both are very independent. Atem does his thing, and Bakura does his. Unless one has given the other something to be concerned about, they don’t even think about each other.

13. How do they keep in contact when they’re apart? Do they write letters, talk on the phone, or simply wait out the time?

They don’t (unless they feel the need to). If Bakura wants to, he’ll just pop in unannounced to bother Atem.

14. Do they enjoy PDA, or are they more private with affection?

Extremely private. Bakura is ‘too cool’ and Atem would rather be caught naked in public than be seen so much as holding hands.

15. What songs remind you of their relationship?

New Divide by Linkin Park

16. Would they ever get matching tattoos? If yes, what would these look like?

If Bakura’s body didn’t instantly revert back to its original state, yes. Most likely a small version of both of their Millennium Items on the inside of their wrists or somewhere hidden.

17. How well do they communicate? Are they open with their feelings/thoughts or more reserved? Why?

In the beginning, communication was an issue. Mostly with Atem who spent so much of his Pharaonic life pushing aside his personal feelings in favor of what he felt was best for the people. Bakura is open about the fact that he doesn’t do ‘the feelings bullshit’ very well. Sometimes these two have to beat the shit out of one another (or throw one out a penthouse window) to open up.

18. How do they care for each other when one of them is wounded/sick?

Atem will try, but since the most that will happen with Bakura is he gets wounded beyond normal, he’ll be an ass and play a prank on Atem.

But when it comes to Atem being extremely wounded or sick, Bakura will turn into a mother hen.

19. Do they wear each other’s clothes/jewelry?

Atem couldn’t stop Bakura from ‘borrowing’ his stuff if he tried (he has and found it made Bakura more inclined to do so). He never asks to borrow anything from Bakura, Bakura just decides ‘something’s missing…one sec’, and poof! He’s wearing something of Bakura’s.

20. How do they comfort each other when one of them is upset? Is this method of comfort effective?

It depends on what it is the other is upset about, and whether or not they are willing to talk about what’s upsetting them (usually not, but there are rare instances). Usually they give the other space, then approach later. Then there are times (like in chapter 94 and chapter 100) where they just have to get creative.

21. Do they enjoy domestic life?

Actually, yes. Not going to say anything further as it will be explored in the future.

22. Are they comfortable joking around with each other and being silly/playful?

If you’ve read any of the prompts I’ve written involving these two, then you already know the answer.

23. What are the defining characteristics of their relationship?

In the beginning, Kat was Bakura’s anchor in life. Then Atem became Kat’s. And now Bakura is Atem’s. They have come full circle without even realizing it. Also, they are the only two people that understand the experience of being trapped in a Millennium Item. They are more alike than they care to admit in other areas as well.

24. How do their personalities affect their relationship? Do their characteristics compliment each other, or clash often?

They definitely clash. This is another question that I don’t feel like writing a novel for (though technically I guess that’s what my longfic is at this point).

25. Do they share a room/house? If so, what does it look like and how does it compliment their personalities?

They are currently staying in the penthouse of a Kaiba Corp owned building. Both hated the decor that it originally came with (to quote Bakura: "This place looks like someone threw your deck in a blender, hit puree, drank it, then vomited it in every direction.”). Bakura redecorated ASAP with soft and warm modern decor with Pharaonic inspiration. Atem no longer wants to throw himself from the roof, but he still wishes Bakura would walk into oncoming traffic.

26. What sacrifices do they make for the other?

I think tolerating each other in the first place and giving the other a chance counts.

27. How do they say “I love you” non-verbally?

Little things. When Bakura gets too focused on his sculpting, Atem will bring him some tea. When Atem is having an off day and just needs that something to feel better, Bakura will teleport back to Egypt and grab some ta'amiya from a street vendor (can never go wrong with Atem’s favorite food).

28. Who’s the better chef? Do they cook for the other?

Atem is only permitted in the kitchen when Bakura is present. Bakura is 100% the better chef. He’s been honing his culinary skills for millennia. Atem tried to surprise Bakura once and was promptly kicked out of the kitchen.

29. Describe their nighttime routine.

Will be explored in future chapters.

30. What are their respective love languages? Do their love languages work well together?

Is trying to kill each other and pretending to hate each other a love language? I feel it is. Yes. That is their love language. I will not elaborate.

31. Do they often go out on dates? What are these like?

Not in the sense of actual dates. Their relationship is hidden for the most part.

32. Do either of them drink? If so, who’s the lightweight, and how does their partner care for them?

Atem is the lightweight, but they made a rule after the events of chapter 30 of no more than a glass or two…for reasons.

33. How do they flirt? Who’s the worse flirt?

All Bakura does is flirt. No additional flirting is necessary from Atem.

34. Do they have any inside jokes?

I have no idea if this counts, but going to share a small scene from 68

****

Atem continued to stare in a puzzled manner. "Why are you being so n-"

"Say 'nice' and I'll cut out your tongue," Bakura growled.

"Ah, there it is," Atem said in exasperated relief. He was beginning to wonder what Bakura might be scheming.

Bakura groaned. "Bite me."

"I would rather not. You appear to enjoy it."

If Bakura's head could have spun any faster towards him, it would have snapped, and the look of utter shock on his face was one Atem would not soon forget.

"Holy shit…did you just…?"

"Did I just…what?" Atem questioned, feigning ignorance.

Bakura was still attempting to recover from his shock.

"...o-odaxelagnia…" he stuttered.

Atem furled his brow in confusion. "What?"

"A-arousal from biting…or being bitten. It-…. it's called odaxelagnia," Bakura replied sheepishly, obviously still trying to process how to properly react to Atem's comment

Atem stared for the longest time, not certain how to respond.

"I could have gone the rest of my natural life without knowing that there was a word for that…"

This brought Bakura out of his shock and provoked one of his smirks. "You're welcome."

35. Is their relationship a secret? If so, why?

In the beginning, yes. Later on, yes, but not really. See question 14 for the ‘why’.

36. How do they feel about having kids? Are they in agreement?

Both already have kids whose lives they were part of in a very fucked up way. Future offspring are not in their future.

37. Who’s more emotionally sensitive/cries more often?

Both are emotionally constipated in their own way and would rather suffer agonizing death than cry in front of the other. Crying is often done alone and behind closed doors for these two.

38. Who’s got a quicker temper?

Both have learned to control the more violent portions of their temper (for different reasons). Most of their ‘temper’ comes from being extremely irritated. These two are matched when it comes to being irritating and irritated by the other.

39. When and how did they admit that they loved each other? If they haven’t yet, why?

Future chapters stuff.

40. Do they have any regrets in their relationship?

Another ‘I don’t want to write a novel’ answer. I would think it should be obvious.

41. What would they do if they lost the other?

Not even the Gods could stop Bakura if something happened to Atem. Pity on whatever unfortunate soul/God took him.

Atem wouldn’t have a chance. Kat would beat him to it. No one takes her Kura and lives to talk about it.

42. What’s their relationship like with each other’s friends/families?

Since their relationship is ‘secret’ (it was so much of a secret that they were the last to know), nothing has really changed. 

43. If they picked out outfits for each other, what would they look like?

Both actually have similar fashion types and prefer stylish but comfortable. Jeans, nice shirt, maybe a vest or jacket, some basic accessories, and the mandatory kohl.

44. Do they cuddle often? Why or why not?

The first rule of these two cuddling is we don’t talk about these two cuddling.

45. How do they support each other? How do they rely on each others support?

By just simply understanding the other. Being understood and not feeling alone is a big thing for the both of them.

46. Do they consider their relationship casual or serious? Is the answer different depending on who you ask? Why?

Casual…at least at the moment.

47. Do they sleep beside each other? Why or why not?

Prior to the penthouse, not by choice. In the penthouse they now have their own rooms. This may change in the future…

48. Do they talk about their future together? Why or why not?

Nope. Still working out their past.

49. Do they keep secrets from each other?

At the moment, yes. Future chapters might give them reasons to start being more open…

50. Would they ever break up? If so, why? Who would handle the breakup better?

These two barely acknowledge that they’re ‘together’, so if they ‘broke up’ they wouldn’t even realize it. It would probably go something like this:

Atem: Are you mad at me?

Bakura: * looks down at the figure he’s currently working on * Can you believe that guy? He thinks I’m going to talk to him. What an ass. Well guess what? I’m not going to answer him. Because he’s an ass.

Atem: I’m standing right here…

Bakura: * still talking to figure * Somehow he’s not getting the hint that YES I AM MAD AND NOT TALKING TO HIM. Do me a favor and relay the message.

Atem: * heavy sigh * What are you? Four?

Bakura: *holding out a middle finger without looking at Atem *

And that’s all 50 questions for these idiots! I really need to get back to writing them soon. The next few months are going to fly by and I need more than the small handful of chapters I currently have for my buffer.

[violetvapours]

It sounds like you're joking but all this is ... exactly how I write?

Except it did give me back problems, my hips and shoulders became misaligned which my massage therapist has had to work back into place lol, I suffer for my art 😅 (Now I'm no longer couch surfing and have my desk+monitor setup back, she says I'm nearly all realigned!)

When a new idea has sparked my obsession, I'm brainstorming plot and character dynamics by marinating in everything I can use for inspiration. Drawing on other art & media; creating an aesthetics and poetry tag; outlining emotional beats in a playlist of songs with fitting lyrics of a certain genre; researching canon, meta, myth, languages, medicine, history, armour, nature etc; and throwing scraps of prose for scenes in the evernote app as they strike at all hours of the day and night.

Then I set up in bed at night or shared office with mr in the arvo, with candle, fairylights, tea, cat, headphones & playlist on loop to paste notes into scrivener and sort them into chapters. I expand on whatever line or paragraph anywhere in the story grabs my interest the strongest in a session; just following the vibes and going where the words flow. In lucida grande font so I can visualise the published prose; unfinished text in green, urgent edits in red. I forget to eat and sleep.

(The most chaotic time was during the lockdowns when I was writing a time travel fic with 2 separate timelines in alternating chapters ... all at the same time)

The first chapter writes itself within a week, and I get excited and post it prematurely. Eventually each chapter fills out enough to polish and post over the course of months or years, after getting stuck on the middle plot, switching between 5 other wips, and eking out writing time between all the super fun major traumas life keeps derailing me with. Most readers lose interest and I end up dragging myself to the final chapter to satisfy my own completionism and for the couple of kind stragglers left 🙃

the best part about comparing notes with fic writing friends for how you go about doing the fic writing? definitely realizing that you are horrified to your very core over how they go about doing it.

really solidifies the fact that everyone is different and that it doesn't matter how you do the thing as long as that process works for you