#this is the most non-conflict pairing you can imagine in this fandom | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

writerscafehub · 6 months ago

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𝐌𝐄𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐀: 𝐀𝐥𝐞𝐱

@thecutestlittlebunbunfairy

From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing? (No downplaying yourself!)

I give myself a solid 3 stars. I think I can churn out some good stories and smut, but I know I make grammatical errors and sometimes my stories have an awkward flow, but I'm always working to get better.

What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

I’ve been told a few times that I have a good story telling ability; so I think that’s where I shine/stand out/ Being able to take a prompt, a song, or just a few quotes and turn it into a full story.

Are there any writers that inspire you?

Unfortunately, a lot of the writers who inspired me have left tumblr and are lost to time. Some of the ones that are still here are angryschnauzer, tsuntsunfangirl, and caffiened-queen. Some new favourites are Navy, hansensgirl, harryspet, tumblin-theworldaway, and of course all my friends in the server <3

What’s the fic you’re most proud of?

It’s so hard to pick just one so i’ll give two! I’m incredibly proud of my Spooptober 2023 collection. It was a tribute and inspired by Hozier’s newest album, and it was the first time I completed a monthly collection! Easter Bunny is definitely a favourite as well; not only a Lee fic (I love our Sheriff so much) but it was a chance to write some real escapist fluff.

Which character(s) do you find easiest to write and which do you find most difficult to write?

Loki, Bucky, and Cap are definitely my easiest characters. They’re my ol’ reliables and I love all three of them.

Who or what do you find yourself writing about most?

The obvious answer is: BUCKY lol. But a lot of my fifcs tgend to be escapism style stories. Bucky coming in to “rescue” the reader in one form or another, even if it’s a dark “rescue”

Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about!

I have 3 long term multi chapter fics planned that I can’t wait to share with everyone (eventually). Two of them are Kylo Ren fics, with one having Kylo Ren as a Director of an art museum, hiring an intern whom Kylo assumes is a guy, but is actually a v cute girl and the other being a Mafia!Kylo with an arranged marriage. The last is a Loki fic with Loki as the CEO of a company who needs a bride to appear good for business purposes.

First fandom you ever wrote for?

Technically the MCU. The first ever fic I wrote was a Tom Hiddleston fic.

Any guilty pleasure trope(s)?

I admit I don’t really believe in “guilty” pleasures; pleasures should be enjoyed! But man am I a sucker for my dub/non-con, kidnapping, and yandere stories!

A trope you’ll never, ever write for.

I try to not to say “never” because i’m always open to inspiration, but i don’t see myself ever writing anything with pregnancy/babies

Wildest fic you’ve ever written?

I wrote this INSANE fic called “When Magic Meets Insanity” which is a threesome between Loki, Reader, and Jerome Valeska from Gotham. It’s crack to hell and is still available to read on my AO3.

Favorite pairing to write for? (platonic or romantic!)

Stucky. Always. They are my OTP and I love how fun it is to explore their relationship. Especially throwing Sam into the mix.

Do you listen to anything while you write?

It mostly depends on what/who i’m writing, but yes! For example, I’ll listen to oldies stuff when I'm writing for Lee, and I have this GREAT Asgardian library ambience for writing Loki.

One-shots or multi-chaptered works?

One-shots.

Have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them!

Not really, I sometimes imagine what happens after, but once a fic is done, I tend to just put it on a shelf and leave it. It’s why I hardly write sequels

Is there anything you’ve wanted to write, but you’ve been too scared to try?

I long to write some really good multi-chaptered works, but I struggle with writing long term conflict and i’m worried they’ll be awkward and won’t read well.

What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received?

The best comment I’ve ever gotten was on my fic Sunlight (Sun God!Steve) from tumblin-theworldaway. She wrote a big huge comment on the fic and it was like the first thing I saw on a monday morning and I needed a good comment.

Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out?

I won’t say “comfort zone” but I wrote my first ever Monster Fucker fic not too long ago, “By Land or By Sea” about Sea Monster!Loki and it was defintely new and interesting to write!

Tooth-rotting fluff or merciless angst?

Fluff, always. I’m always a sucker for happy endings (even dark happy endings lol)

Do you have any OCs? Tell us about them!

Sort of. I have a beauty and the beast style novel planned. The beast is a rich lobbyist for oil industries. And the beauty is an indigenous woman who meets the beast at a cabin in the woods. It’s still heavily in development and i’m not sure when it’ll come to fruition.

If you could enter the universe of any one of your fics, which would it be and why?

“Teddy Bears” for sure. With slightly dark Bucky and Steve kidnapping me (is it kidnapping if i’m willing?? lol) and telling me I don’t have to work and they’ll take care of me? I’d be there in a heartbeat.

Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process?

I always write stoned lol. I get a ton of creativity and inspiration from weed and it helps make the ideas flow. It just can take a while to interpret all my stoned ramblings sometimes.

Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of.

This is from my most recently published fic, the last fic in my Spooptober Collection, “To Someone from a Warmer Climate. The fic is about a witch!reader who is visited by a humble sheriff, Lee Bodecker. But he is more than meets the eye.

“Mmmmm…damn…That’s the best cup of coffee I’ve ever had. And I just love the taste of the forgetfulness potion you added.” Your heart dropped into your stomach. “What did you say?” He didn’t answer, only leaning back in his chair. He blinked and where crystal blue eyes had seemed to make him handsome and rakish; now were two inky black pits. He blinked again and his eyes were human again, but now his irises were crimson red. You took a deep breath, trying to steady yourself. You’d dealt with a few lower-level demons in your travels, but never someone who you could walk through your house’s defenses so easily. Usually, any malevolent force was neutralized before it even touched your house. But he…he was something darker. “I’d heard about a pretty witch living out here in the woods.” Lee continued. “Thought it was just another one of them dippy mortals wearing peace signs. But then that little old lady came in, bringing some brownies she said you’d made. And when I tasted them, I knew for sure. There was a real little witch somewhere in town. “Though it took me a while to find ya, darling. All them wards and runes…you’ve kept yourself pretty well hidden. But when that same sweet little old lady called in, worried about her friend in the woods, I knew I’d found you and here you are. Hidden away from the world, cooking up spells your nose buried in a mountain of books. All that defensive magic and you opened the front door for me and invited me in. Silly girl.” His eyes raked over your body, studying you.

Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!

Fanfiction writing has been some of the most fun writing I've ever had. I’ve loved writing for my whole life but sometimes it’s a struggle to write and create an entire cast/world. Fanfiction gives a helping hand to an entire gallery of characters with infinite possibilities. Not to mention the fact that based on “What if” logic, there is a multiverse out there where these fics really happen lol. I look forward to even more writing in the future, both fanfic and original.

#𐀔 𝐀𝐥𝐞𝐱 𐀔

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andreabaideas · 30 days ago

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For the character ask- Billy, Camila, and Julia Dunne

Ok. I'm just doing the Billy one, cause i've already seen for Camila..I dont like to be unoriginal and as i saw none for him, so here I am. Julia IS too little time there to do the whole questionary about her. I dont like empty answers. So Billy It IS.

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

4. If you could put this character in any othermedia, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

9. Could you be roommates with this character?

10. Could you be best friends with this character?

11. Would you date this character?

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

13. What's an emoji, an emoticon and/or any symbol that reminds you of this character or you think the character would use a lot?

14.Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

15. What's your favorite ship for this character?(Doesn't matter if it's canon or not.)

16. What's your least favorite ship for this character?

17. What's a ship for this character you don't hate but it's not your favorite that you're fine with?

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?

19. How about a relationship they have in canon that you don't like?

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to this character? Something you don't like?

23. Favorite picture of this character?

24. What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them?

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

26. What's something the character has done you can't get over? Be it something funny, bad, good,serious, whatever?

27. FREEBIE QUESTION!!

Billy Dunne :

I like him because he is complicated , he is a tortured artist and he is trying to be better , he is messy and he is very entertaining to watch. He is intense and I like it.

He is trying to be better. And his casting : Sam Claflin.

He is a liar Who lies.

Something of horror like American Horror Story or The Walking Dead. Maybe something vampirical. I think he could be a good Vampire. Maybe a Twilight crossover.

His own TV show music. This is me trying by Taylor Swift or I am mine by Pearl Jam.

Not much. We both like : Rock music , the Six band, Camila and Daisy.

Uff, difficult one, I usually just like romantic things related to pairings in that fandom, Its not very imaginative tbh. I like plenty Daisily short fics. I dont like most of the long ones tbh. I should write what I would like to see.

Writing him as a bad dad.

Yes, probably.

I think so, he's body* (someone Who occupies all the space) and bossy , but i'm adaptable, I think we would be a nicer non romantic versión of Daisy and Billy (i'm nicer and less messy)

If i could , yes. I can change him, I can.

He is unable to Cook without accidents, he loves horror and thriller movies, he loves rainy days. He can imitate accents of every language to perfection, except spanish. He pretended to be British sometimes to get Girls at bars.

🙄🎸🤬🤨😍

Rocker man aesthetic with leather jacket or denim aesthetic.

I'm torn between Daisily and Camilly. I like Daisily more tbh, I find them more interesting as they create more conflict and make the official canons flow more. Also because I tend to like more couples that start enemies to lovers of sorts and that share killing "chemistry" by that I mean that they have to make me wonder Are they going to kill each other to fuck each other or both at once, Who knows?? But I liked Camilly too, I found the wholesome and tender.

The groupies and him.

With Karen, I Saw It once, and It kinda worked?

With Teddy. Also with his brother Graham. I like the family dinamics.

None

I think he could be best Friends with Teddy . They share many screentime.

I Hadn't written official fics yet, but I like him when he IS truthfull, for better or worse, also if he punches someone I dislike. I dont like he lies. I would make him braver and stop lying.

Make him be proactive, to choose not let others choose for him. Be clear with everyone. How he speaks romantically sometimes too. I dont like that they write him as a bad dad. Also he should sometimes be... humble? Or apologize when he IS wrong or be less proud. His ego could fill a whole stadium (I like that too so yeah)

All of them, like all.

24. I dont know, he IS very unique. On the ego thing maybe Lestat de Lioncourt or Edmond Dantes. But the rest makes him unique.

25. Book: he'll be a mother fucker. But Ill like him too. Show: He IS Hot , he IS going to be a motherfucker. I know i'll like him too. I already did in book. Actual: He IS less mean than i expected. I like him.

26. Good : He punched Nicky. He IS a great musician. The Schrodinger affair was very intense. He knocked at Daisy door in the end. Bad: He didn't went to his own daughter birth in all canons. He IS a lying liar Who lies. That he straightened his hair.

27. I dont know. ???

#daisy jones and the six #billy dunne #sam claflin #Answers #Canons #headcanon

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carnyreborn · 2 years ago

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Rant time

Gonna be a bit negative, so proceed with care. It involves non-con/rape, me complaining about other people's writings (not a callout, or I don't think so, just me expressing how I feel) and other triggering things, possibly. Oh, and it deals with RWBY, Naruto, Danganronpa and other fandoms.

Know what freaking annoys me? How... Normalized rape and non-con stuff gets to be, especially with guys, and especially with the pretention of fluff/harem play

What do I mean by that? Well, Rwby posts, Naruto posts, any of that, which pose scenarios with the main guys and girls where like... For example. Jaune and Team RWBY are in the shopping. Yang and Blake want to be with Jaune, so they distract Ruby and Weiss before dragging Jaune towards the booth, where he resists, even as they strip him down.

And all of that is written as if it is normal for him to resist. Like it's cute. Or things where Jaune is forced to be with a girl, or where a girl is wildly aggressive and Naruto is more scared than anything else.

Imagine the opposite scenario, with Sun and Neptune dragging Blake there and fucking her. Wouldn't that be clearly rape? Or Naruto pinning Hinata as she asks, 'no, she doesn't want it'? That is clearly rape. So why is that the male not being into it normalized while the contrary isn't?

I'm not saying that you can't write non-con. I'm not particularly into it but can be a hot thing to write, and your kinks are your own as long as you don't hurt anyone. But...

If you want to write Jaune with whoever, why not write him into it? Like, the scenario above, write him as willing but scared about being caught! But show that he wants the girls! Show his attraction, affection and lust! Otherwise, you're writing rape, and it seems you don't even realize it. And that is the bit that annoys me the most.

They write it all as if it's normal for the guys to not be into it. Like they should be resisting it and by enjoying something is wrong. It's like a full reversion of the puritan image of what sex should be, and it's as anger-inducing as the other way of writing it is.

So, how do I think you should write stuff? Well, if you're writing it with the intention of it being non-con, no notes, you do what you enjoy. This, once more, isn't about you. But if you want to write something that is consensual about two characters... write that?!

Like, straight up, write about it being consensual. Show that both parties want it. Show how Jaune is into it, how Izuku does like the flirting, how Naruto can barely hold himself back! There are many ways of writing conflict that would make for a straight smut scene not happen instantly, but at the same time you don't gotta write it with one half of the pairings not enjoying it. Just... ugh, yeah, been annoyed about that for a long time, sorry for the long rant

#Carny Speaks #Carny Rants #TW: Non-con

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fancyfade · 1 year ago

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ship ask fandom: dc comics

oops i misread that as thinking it would be about characters, not about fandoms... they're alll gonna be about DC i'm guessing from my asks XD

(anyway so just anyone else who sees that, you can just send me a char and I'll rate ships for the char)

otp: Dickbabs and AnissaGrace, the only 2 ships I am super invested in :P

favourite canon pairing: Same as OTPs :P

worst pairing ever: very hard to choose there are a lot of bad ones.

guilty pleasure pairing: hmm koryrae? I think they'd have a lot of the same conflict as Dickkory but even moreso, b/c Raven makes Dick's emotional repression look like baby stuff, but also they are so fun to imagine together.

a pairing you want to see more: AnissaGrace! DC remember they exist please!

that pairing everyone likes but you’re like “lol no”: most DCAU or YJ animated ships. Spitfire, WonderBat, etc. for actual comics pairings i'm not sure.

favorite non-romantic pair: Jaime's friendship w/ Paco and Brenda

#nonbinaryhectorhall #tumblr games #dc comics #shipping

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thebreakfastgenie · 2 years ago

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different anon and i'm just curious - why don't you like beejhawk? i mean not the ship in the show but just like in general?

Anon hope I understand your meaning. If I'm answering the wrong question, please feel free to send a follow-up! Also sorry for the delay, tumblr ate this and I had to retype it.

The main reason I don't like beejhawk is that I literally just don't see it. And while canon is far from the arbiter of everything, the fact is that it's not only non-canon, there's not even any teasing in canon like there is with Margaret. They are presented as very close friends whose friendship is especially intense because of the circumstances. That resonates with me. The way they behave is exactly how I behave with my closest friends. I really like that dynamic. The only reason I wasn't surprised to see people shipping them is that I've been around fandom spaces since I was 13 and I know the game. If I weren't online, I wouldn't expect people to ship them.

Shipping them is just way too much work. When I do ship non-canon pairings, they're usually ones that slot into canon fairly easily, like spirk. Watching with shipping goggles is exhausting! I don't want to be constantly reinterpreting canon to fit my ship, especially when that involves taking something to mean the opposite of what it says. I prefer to take the show at face value, which says BJ loves Peg and wants to be with her. Even if I were inclined to look for hidden meanings, MASH really isn't the kind of show that does that. MASH is not subtle. Even when it does have a double meaning, which is mostly reserved for the early seasons commenting on Vietnam, it's never in conflict with the surface-level meaning; it's still telling a complete story about Korea. So it just feels discordant to me to be doing that. Other people have told me they see the ship effortlessly and I'm not arguing with that, but I don't.

My general disinterest did sort of blossom into dislike because of fandom. It's just so dominant, it's not just the most popular ship, the entire fandom revolves around it, and the assumption is if you post about MASH on tumblr you ship it. And along with the ship comes a bunch of popular headcanons and characterization that I don't like or see. I don't see BJ as a liar, as evil, as insane, as unhinged, as gay, as repressed, etc. I don't see Hawkeye as a lovesick martyr pining after a married man. There is beejhawk that doesn't use that, but very little, and it's not worth finding for me. I do think punnihawk tends to avoid most of the characterization I dislike, which is why I can and do on occasion enjoy that. And when I did read beejhawk, it always felt out of character as soon as they kissed or confessed their love, even if I was enjoying it up to that point. The image of them growing old together is absurd to me. I'm not usually so frank about that, because I have friends who ship it, but I really can't imagine it. The insistence that there is no explanation besides romantic love is really off-putting, especially when I'm seeing that statement applied to things I literally do with my best friends.

Using that shipping lens does kind of ruin parts of the show for me, too. For example, the end of Where There's a Will There's a War, when Hawkeye is looking at the picture of Peg and Erin. To me it's about mortality and Hawkeye finally realizing what he can leave BJ when he's reminded of what's most important to BJ, what means the most to him. If it's some sort of tragic romantic moment I don't like it.

I have a thing for those comrades in arms type relationships that form under intense circumstances. I think it's fair to say they're something more or something different than the friendships most of us experience in our secure civilian lives, but I also think interpreting that extra closeness as necessarily inherently romantic is reductive. It takes something away. I don't like the Sam/Frodo ship for the same reason, but I do ship Legolas and Gimli, just for reference. Extremely close battlefield relationships happen in real life, and I'm sure some of those soldiers were and are in love, but I'm equally sure many of them were not and are not. And those bonds don't translate to civilian life exactly as they were, so in the case of BJ and Hawkeye I just don't see a path from the intensity they have going on in Korea to a relationship in the United States.

I'm not wild about wartime BJ/Hawkeye because I do see them as platonic and I do see BJ as straight, but I'm a bit more relaxed about that as long as it ends there. I think it undermines the ending of the show to put BJ and Hawkeye back together after the war. They can be in touch, they can see each other, but their lives have to be separate. And they do both have lives and familial obligations on opposite sides of the country. I have reservations about any MASH characters ending up permanently together, though I'm willing to suspend that in some cases for fanfiction. And I get that a lot of people like to put BJ and Hawkeye back together for self-indulgent fic purposes but that's not what I like to indulge in. The fun for me is staying true to the themes of the show as I understand them. And I'm not wild about them spending the rest of their lives as each others' lost Lenores either. They have lives outside each other.

From what I've seen, quite a few shippers view MASH as a love story. I don't. It's a war story. It's a tragedy, because it's a war story. Hawkeye and BJ's friendship is the central relationship from season 4 on, but it's not the only or even the main thing going on in the show. My interest is just elsewhere!

#mashposting #i probably forgot some stuff lol

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mprosperossprite · 3 years ago

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BoN in 1. BoN fic 2. Non-BoN fic and 3. Tog Headcanons 🔥

(Is this how this works? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I just want to hear smart words from your big galaxy brain)

Long post ahoy!

1. Whump, or whatever you want to call fics where the point is that authors put the characters through high-intensity suffering, is not really a thing in the BoN corner of this fandom, and I LOVE that for us. People read and write fanfic for all kinds of reasons, and this is not against Whump on principle. Rather, one of the things I appreciate and admire about the folks writing BoN fic is the commitment to making conflicts human and believable and based on these specific characters and characterizations. These are the kinds of stories I really love and so it makes me really happy this is a collectively shared endeavor.

2. I'm going to answer your ask about BoN in non-BoN fic, but first I need to preface this by saying that part of the reason I view both Nile and Booker as bi is because 1. I'm bi, I like characters I like to also be bi, and there's no canonical evidence indicating they can't be, and 2. because I think these two characters make the most sense as a romantic pairing when they are entering a relationship without making many of the assumptions many cis and straight people make about relationships, about gender roles and marriage and co-habitating and on and on. Whether in canon or AU's, Nile and Booker HAVE to have conversations about their differences -- certainly in background, but also potentially age and experience -- for them to have a lasting relationship. And when Booker and Nile are background characters, I think most authors simply aren't up for the task of flushing out these complexities (I'm certainly not). I don't love BoN on principle; I love them because they're complicated, messy, beautiful characters who can figure out how to start with what they do have in common and make the rest of it work.

3. So there's these lines from a Sharon Olds poem I love, I Go Back to May 1937, that I think about a lot in reference to headcanons:

[I] take them up like the male and female paper dolls and bang them together at the hips, like chips of flint, as if to strike sparks from them, I say Do what you are going to do, and I will tell about it.

The tension here is that the narrator is at once imagining themselves causing the action and also proclaiming no responsibility for it, except to tell about it. And I think that often time headcanons (not just specific to tog) are people doing exactly this, creating the narrative they want, while also claiming that it's organic or outside of themselves. And honestly, I kind of hate the disingenuous-ness of it.

#M has thoughts #M writes fic

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robotslenderman · 3 years ago

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Sascha! :3

:DDD

SPECIAL INTEREST TIME, BITCHES

How I feel about this character

I used to not give a shit but then you sucked me into them how dare you

They are baby

Mass murdering horrible torturer baby

They've... been through a hell of a lot of trauma and have to process it. They were stuck in that trauma for centuries. Now Ilias is apparently back but he died in their arms, they saw him turn to ash and they have to be dealing with the trauma of that, too.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Ilias cel Frumos, Beckett (but like in a snarky enemies to lovers kind of way), and ofc my own OCs Rose and Nastasya. Wasn't sure about Nastasya/Sascha for a while but suddenly something seemed to click the other night and I think they'd actually work very well together -- their personalities complement each other, I think. Ilias is warm to Sascha's cold, extroverted to Sascha's introvert, but Nastasya is playful to Sascha's seriousness, joyful to their solemnity, vibrant to their reserved nature.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Even before Rose became a romantic partner I shipped the two of them nonromantically too.

Also I like the idea of Sascha being a tsundere Vitriolic Best Buds with Beckett.

My unpopular opinion about this character

I think that they would have responded far, far worse to the appearance of Elias Athanasios than I see fandom talk about (sorry, Ry XD). Like, not even as bad as I've mentioned before -- way worse.

(SORRY RY I'M HAVING A SPECIAL INTEREST MOMENT)

To start: there is no way in hell they're not dealing with hella trauma after the Dracon. That everyone agrees on, but lemme go into detail:

Like imagine not just seeing your lover die in your arms but being unable to really process it because your consciousness just got smooshed with someone else's, with someone who's mourning his own lovers and didn't really care about yours. Oh, and that person's a suicidal but also sadistic psychopath.

So you spend a few centuries torturing people, shit you wouldn't have done before except in extreme circumstances (if at all) and quite enjoying it, and then --

And then you get separated from the part of you that was okay with it because oh, it was actually the other guy who was cool with that stuff, and you were trapped with the brain of the guy who enjoyed everything you did and you felt everything he did as you did it and thought you wanted it, thought you enjoyed it, thought it was you who decided it, but because you were so enmeshed you don't know that you DIDN'T, maybe it WAS you, can you really blame the Dracon?

And maybe it was really you who made those decisions, because after that long fused together... sure, you're separated physically.

But are you really?

You've been together for centuries. After that long you can't have known where one of you began and the other ended, and it must have influenced your true personality. I mean, stick people in a room of people different to them and they adapt their personality and beliefs pretty quickly, like weeks to months, without outside influence.

Like, how much fucking worse would that be if you were actually stuck inside their head, for CENTURIES???

You're apart now, but in a sense you'll always be together.

Stick the both of you in a room and you'd probably talk like a pair of Creepy Twins. You'll finish each other's sentences because you'll both be on the same wavelength, you'll have the same idiosyncratic habits -- scratching your nose with the same finger of the same hand, tilting your head the same way when you think somebody's being annoyingly obtuse, tapping your fingers the same way on the desk when you're thinking.

You've been intertwined for so long that you probably have the same impulses now, the same thoughts, with only the most foundational aspects to the both of you separating you -- the Dracon's still got his sadism, and Sascha is still introverted, so that'll influence subtle differences.

But it'll be buried under seven hundred years of habits you developed together, opinions and thoughts and aversions and passions you developed together, working in sync for every second of existence, dreaming the same dreams, moving the same hands and fingers, doing the same deeds.

You were a gestalt. Are you no longer one just because you're apart? Are you really separated when you were one for so long? Are you even two people any more, or are you just one person with two bodies, now?

It's going to take decades to bring yourself back to a functional level after the identity crisis that causes, and that's not even counting the trauma of the Eldest, or the Dracon's trauma that you remember just as vividly as if it were your own, or the trauma of what Symeon did to you.

You will probably never, ever recover.

There's traumatic events people went through that follow them for decades that only happened over a few hours at most.

How can you come back from seven hundred years?

In a way, it would have been emotionally better for them to have stayed fused to the Dracon forever. At least they would have thought they were themself, then. At least they were used to it. At least they didn't have a conscience. At least they didn't feel as used because half of them was doing the using, if initially unwillingly. They were one; there was no conflict, just two people so in sync they may as well have been one.

Then to add insult to injury, right after the Dracon's pulled from you, a guy identical to the lover you witnessed die in your arms shows up trying to get your attention. That timing is suspicious AF, and any hope Sascha might have had of coming to terms with Ilias's death on their own time comes crashing down as this redhead just casually waltzes on in and just mashes Sascha's trauma buttons by existing, by looking just like him and acting like him and sounding like him and having the same interests as him and and and --

And now half of them is gone. But also -- not gone, never going, never leaving, who are they now? They're missing half of themself but also probably feeling like they'll never be their real self again. Were they ever really Sascha, when that was a name they took on side by side with the Dracon? But how can they be Myca when Myca is seven hundred years away, when he died the moment Ilias did?

Maybe it was Myca who died in his lover's arms, not the other way around.

I think on the outside Sascha would pretend to be furious at Elias Athanasios for posing as their lover, for having the gall to pose as someone they saw turn to ash, but deep down?

I think they're fucking terrified of him.

Because of the traumatic memories he brings back. Because he knows so much about Ilias and Sascha can't figure out who he "really" is and what his true motivations are.

Because after everything Symeon did, after everything the Dracon and the Eldest did, after the evidence in front of Sascha's eyes that Ilias was dead, dead, dead, how can they not be terrified that this isn't another attempt to manipulate them and put them at the complete and utter mercy of another Methuselah or Elder or worse for another few centuries, when they were only JUST set free?

Their nights as the Angel of Caine are done. They've been manipulated so long and now there's someone else using the person that they loved the most as bait to draw them out. Someone they know for certain did not survive. For their own survival, they can't do anything but disappear because given the forces that has had power over them before, they can't take any risks with this one. Sascha keeps trying to find out who he really is and if he's working for someone, what his angle is, but this time their brilliance is getting them nowhere and they cannot find a single scrap of a clue who Elias Athanasios really is, because all evidence points to him being the real thing but he can't be because THEY SAW HIM DIE.

And here Athanasios is, continuing to try to lure them out.

He's convinced Beckett, one of the smartest people Sascha knows, that he's the real deal.

He's convinced Rose that he's the real deal.

He's convinced Sascha's dumbass Vykosovich descendants that he's the real deal -- particularly the descendant that's their biographer, the descendant whose made it her life's work to know everything there is to know about Sascha Vykos. And Athanasios has direct access to her.

He's getting closer and closer to Sascha.

The walls are closing in again.

So, my unpopular opinion?

Sascha Vykos is the most terrified they've ever been in their existence.

(Second opinion, which I don't know if it's unpopular or not, but -- since they used their deadname for centuries before changing it I reckon they'd actually be pretty fine with Ilias still calling them Myca. But, you know, only Ilias, and anyone else gets turned inside out. Not even Rose would get that privilege.)

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

Not exactly answering the question but I am dreading the release of the V5 Sabbat book because I'm so scared they're going to completely ignore what BJD did with Sascha and go back to making them a villain.

Also worried that Sascha's canonically followed the Beckoning. I reckon they'd nope the fuck out of it after what happened in BJD. Something strange trying to manipulate them again? Fuck no.

#VTM #Sascha Vykos #headcanon #Ilias cel Frumos

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ineffable-endearments · 3 years ago

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Okay. Now I'm going to submit some theories about how I think Crowley and Aziraphale specifically are going to go in the future of Good Omens.

Again, this post is not really...specific theorizing about plot events. It's big-picture stuff.

With that said, this post will get a bit heavy at times, in the sense that it will contain opinions that not everyone will like. It drifted into rambling about queerbaiting and all that stuff. I'm not going to spam anyone's dashboard with drama over it, but it's very possible someone else might try. It's also not really a negative post, depending on what you want to hear, I suppose. But if you're only in the mood to read fluff today, you'll probably want to pass it up.

Oh! Also it's very long, and sexuality is discussed in a vague way that doesn't involve any story elements or body parts.

For starters, I don't think Good Omens 2 - or even 3, if that comes about - is going to have anything explicitly sexual or romantic between the two of them, where "explicit" is things like the characters giving outright definitions of their relationship or outright discussing exactly what goes on between them, either on or off-screen. I also don't think there's going to be kissing or "hooking up" (come on...that person on Twitter shouldn't have even asked). Those actions are too blatant for what Neil has already said about the series. While they technically leave some room for interpretation, they probably don't leave enough.

I DO think it's quite possible other characters will continue to define the relationship FOR them and Crowley and Aziraphale will continue to not deny it.

As far as the queerbaiting debate, "is Good Omens queerbaiting"...it's gonna depend how you define it. I always learned that queerbaiting was basically where the creators intentionally make it look like a character is gay or otherwise queer but then swap that character development out for a cis identity and hetero relationship at the end. The point is that the "bait" leads to queer audiences being actively hurt. That's the behavior that seems awful to me, and I don't see Neil and company doing that.

However, I think it's far and away the most likely option that it will be left up to interpretation whether Crowley and Aziraphale are, you know, a buddy duo or a romantic couple or some sort of ineffable queerness all their own off-screen. So if your definition of queerbaiting is "the characters seem gay to us, but homophobes can tell themselves they're not," then yes, I think that debate will follow us to our graves if we let it.

I am a cisgender, possibly straight (?? demi/bi? I might never find out) woman. There is absolutely no way I could ever tell anybody, ESPECIALLY not gay guys and nonbinary people - the people Crowley and Aziraphale tend to resemble the most - how to feel about their treatment in the story. All I can offer is that I'm one flawed individual and there are things I have the emotional capacity to handle and things I don't. Crowley and Aziraphale as both a canon construct and a fandom pairing mean an absurd amount to me, and I can't hang around in spaces where people are constantly talking about how my own interpretations of them are not enough, or how the story is written with ill intentions. I don't want to stop anybody from venting about it, but I am going to be removing myself from those situations.

I like to imagine 1990 NeilandTerry, or TerryandNeil, as a sort of two-headed God who came up with Crowley and Aziraphale, set them loose on Creation, and now are watching them get up to way more ridiculous stuff in the brains of their fans than they'd ever imagined in the first place. I like to imagine them watching, amused and bemused, as their creations fall in love in thousands of universes, and saying, "Well, we didn't specifically Plan for this, but we did promise free will."

This is psychoanalytical toward a public figure and is therefore a bit dangerous, so please take it with an entire mountain of salt, but I sometimes think perhaps Neil sees some of his and Terry's friendship in Crowley and Aziraphale, and suspect that he wants to reserve the possibility that they could be platonic because he and Terry were platonic, while at the same time leaving room for the fans to have their own interpretations, too. Because if there's one thing that comes up really frequently with Neil, it's his belief in imagination and how much stories matter to people. He can have his little corner of the universe where A and C reflect himself and Terry, and we can have...literally anything we want, as long as we're willing to extrapolate just a little bit from canon. It's not even that much extrapolation! It's just "Yes, they love each other, so what exactly does love mean to you?" and if love means kissing, well then, if we can think it, we can have it.

Given that Neil has written LGBT+ characters before, I think he has non-bigoted reasons for wanting Aziraphale and Crowley to remain undefined, and given even the small chance that those reasons may involve the grieving process for a dead friend, I believe it is unkind to argue with him about it or hold his reputation hostage over it.

With that said, do I want canon kissing/hooking up/all that stuff we put in fics? Listen, I can't deny that I do! Personally, I'd be over the moon. I'd probably be so happy I'd have to go to the hospital to get sorted out. Even the thought of it makes me giddy and light-headed, because that physicality is a part of my own experience of love.

However, there are a lot of people who would feel left behind if that happened. Ace and aro people in the fandom whose love for their friends and partners is just as strong as mine, but who are sex-repulsed or just don't want to see kissing on-screen. The loss of Crowley and Aziraphale as a pairing who are extremely easy to interpret as queerplatonic would be hurtful to them, and I do not want to see them hurt like that. I don't think Neil does, either.

So, once again, the "best for everyone" option becomes a really strong canon relationship based in both narrative function and profound affection, which has genuinely thoughtful queer undertones and leaves open the logical possibility for romantic or sexual encounters but does not insist that they must happen. People, especially fans who are super invested, tend to have an easier time imagining scenarios that take place off-screen (e.g. kissing, sex) than they have erasing scenarios that they've already seen in canon (e.g., if someone wished they could continue viewing it as an ace relationship but they were shown "hooking up"). Also, while relationships are super emotional and extremely subjective, I'd argue that in a long-term adult partnership, the non-sexual connection is more important than the sexual one. As a fan, I'd prefer to extrapolate "they love each other so maybe they'd have sex" rather than "they're sexually attracted to each other so maybe they'll intertwine their whole existences together."

It probably isn't necessary to add, but I will anyway: I'm aware that Good Omens is sort of sacrificing social leverage - the ability to whack homophobes over the head with canon if they try to deny the show's queerness - and is thus not really contributing to making specifically gay relationships more widely seen and accepted. However, I don't think all stories have to invest heavily in every social issue they touch on for them to still be meaningful. I also do think Good Omens is an excellent example of a relationship that is extremely profound without being heteronormative.

I don't think the next season is going to be a rom-com. It will likely not even be a "love story," where the definition of "love story" is "a story that follows the development of a relationship and employs certain plot beats to make its point." Remember that conflicts and breakups are key to love stories, so if it IS a love story, then we're going to have to watch the relationship get challenged in ways some of us might have thought were already resolved in season 1! And while that could be thrilling and ultimately very good, it would also be likely to undercut some of the careful headcanoning and analysis we've already done. Any sequel is going to do that to some degree, but a second love story would probably do it a lot, with interpretations that people are even more protective of.

I'm sort of thinking the next season is likely to be a fantasy-heavy mystery, only because those are the two concepts Neil's introduction led with - an angel with amnesia who presents Crowley and Aziraphale with a mystery. Crowley and Aziraphale's connection to each other can still absolutely be a major theme! It can still be the thread stitching the plot together! It just probably, in my opinion, won't escalate and escalate and escalate like it did in season 1. And it will probably be woven in there among a lot of other plot threads that are, in many moments, louder. Still, I'd love to be left with the impression of these two existences, the light and the dark, subtly becoming more intimate, subtly growing more comfortable in this shared place they've chosen in the universe, gradually starting to behave like they know they aren't alone in the world anymore, all while other things happen to and around them.

Nonsexual physical intimacy - a really great hug, or leaning together on the sofa, or a forehead touch, or something like those, something that could happen in a lot of different kinds of relationships but is undoubtedly based in deep trust and affection and a desire to be close...that's the dream, for me. Oh, how lovely it would be.

Of course, I could be just absolutely, embarrassingly wrong about all this. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

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blueorchidrp · 3 years ago

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LOOKING FOR NEW RP BUDDIES <3 [MXM || D/S THEMES || LITERATE]

Heya lovely people <3

(Brace yourselves, this is a long one! :D)

Recently, I've found myself in the mood to RP again after losing motivation during the beginning of the pandemic so I'm really hoping this ad will appeal to someone out there and I might find one or two new people to write with! :D

I'll go into detail about what I'm looking to RP in a second, but first of all, a little about me:

I'm female, 21+ and my time zone is GMT+1 (Central Europe). I'm an experienced writer and roleplayer of 10+ years. I exclusively write in 3rd person/past tense and would prefer for you to do the same.

English isn’t my first language but I’m pretty comfortable with it and I always try to keep mistakes to a minimum. Despite that, I hope you will excuse the occasional mistake! I would really prefer for you to have good spelling/grammar as well, but of course I’m not super pedantic about it and don’t mind typos from time to time. Nobody’s perfect, after all!

Usually I go for slower-paced RPs with longer replies since I'm not the fastest writer but recently I've really been in the mood for some faster-paced RPs and consequently, shorter replies. I usually aim for 300-1,500 words per reply but for this I would like to keep replies on the shorter side (at least on average and with no pressure from your side to conform to this, of course).

Obviously the length of the reply would still rely on what is happening in the RP - starters will naturally be longer than replies that heavily depend on how the other character will react.

I'm fine with having a short-term RP although I do enjoy plotting and also some occasional world-building (although admittedly I sometimes need a while to really pitch in with my ideas unless I'm already comfortable with my partners!) so long-term partners would be great!

I love chatting OOC, not only to discuss plot-related stuff but also to get to know who I am RPing with but it’s not mandatory and if you’d rather not that’s A-okay!

I prefer character-focused RPs, I’m not too good at writing action scenes and I tend to get bored of those rather quickly. I’d rather concentrate on my character’s feelings and his interactions with your character and focus on exploring their dynamic and thoughts.

I love conflict/tension in my RPs and I also love exploring more “philosophical” themes in them. I'm a huge fan of angst, (emotional) hurt & comfort, slow burn and similar genres but overall I do want an eventual happy ending. Occassional fluff is cute and more than fine as well, I just need some "meat" to the RP to keep me interested :D

Now, let’s go to what I’m craving the most right now:

I would very much like a RP that focuses on a (consensual) Dom/Sub relationship. I only do MxM pairings. I would prefer to play the dominant character for this.

I would prefer to involve at least some smut for this one (but we could also fade to black if preferred!) but overall I would really like to focus more on exploring the non-sexual aspects of the dynamic between our characters.

In general when it comes to smut, my characters tend to be switches who mainly top but if they do bottom they’re more along the lines of "power bottoms". In any case, they won’t just lie there and need your character to do all the work for them. (Obviously I can adjust that if you prefer to play the more dominant character)

For the D/s stuff I would ask that we discuss this more in depth in private, but in general I don't think I'm super kinky (I would rather not include too many "out there" ones) and my limits are pretty "standard" as well.

Broadly speaking my limits include: age play, bodily fluids, extreme kink/fetishes, mpreg, A/B/O, large age gaps, degradation.

Some key words of stuff I really enjoy (I'll try not to go overtly sexual):

- Devotion

- Obedience

- Praise Kink (!!)

- Collars/Leashes

- Kneeling

- Spanking

- Titles of Respect

- Terms of Endearment

- Begging

- ...

Some dynamics I enjoy (none of these are a must, of course! This is just to give you a general idea of what I might be looking for):

- the sub being a badass outside of the relationship and only being vulnerable around the dom

- the sub being physically stronger/bigger than the dom (!!!)

- the sub being rather shy/timid

- the dom being a little uncertain of what he wants in the beginning/needing to find himself as a dom

- also the dom in general also getting to be vulnerable

- the sub being super devoted/eager to please

- the sub taking care of the dom

- or: the dom taking care of the sub

- both being really in love with each other

These are the kinds of ideas I'd like to explore (Of course I'm also open to other scenarios/pairings as well, if you have something else in mind!):

Crime Boss x Right-Hand Man:

I'm really craving this one right now! I'm imaging this powerful mobster and his faithful right-hand man who is hopelessly devoted to his boss and willing to do whatever it takes to make sure his boss stays on top. I would prefer for the boss to be the dom and the right-hand man to be the sub.

Son of Crime Boss x Bodyguard:

Celebrity x Bodyguard:

For the first one I'm imagining that the son would be trying to make a name for himself and get out from under his father's thumb (and the bodyguard helping him). For the celebrity one I would imagine the celeb maybe being an actor or some sort of pop/rock star. I would prefer for the bodyguard to be the sub.

Royal x Servant, Royal x Knight:

This can be fantasy/historical (European/East Asian) or even modern. I'm imagining the servant/knight and the royal having been childhood friends and the servant/knight being raised with the knowledge that he would have to protect the royal once he grows up. I really enjoy the idea of one character swearing to serve another for the rest of his life. I would prefer for the knight/servant to be the sub and the royal to be the dom.

Elder Vampire x Fledgling Vampire:

Vampire x Human:

For the first one: Maybe the fledgling vampire was abandoned by his sire and the elder vampire finds him and decides to show him the ropes. For the second one: Maybe the human is a sort of ghoul (like from Vampire: the Masquerade) or human servant or maybe he's just someone the vampire stumbled across while out and about. I would prefer for the (elder) vampire to be the dom and the fledgling/human to be the sub here.

Best Friend x Best Friend:

I got the idea of these college-age guys that slowly discover that they like each other. Maybe they're childhood friends or maybe they've met in college. I’m happy to hear what ideas you might have for this pairing, of course, but a personal favourite of mine is to pair a more stoic (or even grumpy) leaner smart/sarcastic guy with a more jock-like/buff guy who is perpetually happy and optimistic who follows character A around and eventually endears himself to him through sheer persistence.

Soulmates:

I love exploring soulmate AUs, I’m a sucker for all variations of this trope but I’ve been thinking about an idea for a society that places each member of a bonded pair in one of two categories, and members of one category are treated as lesser in society/expected to serve their other half. For this I would definitely like to do some more world-building and really exploring the philosophy of this world as well! It would also be cool to have our character maybe fight against the expectations set by this society but I'm definitely open to other ideas as well!

Apart from that I enjoy a lot of different variations of the soulmate trope but my favourite is the classic idea that involves soulmates having a sort of mark on them that helps them identify who their partner is <3

Other:

Make a suggestion!

I don't have an pre-made OCs so I would come up with a character once we've decided on a plot but of course you can use whatever character you want! I usually don't use FC and just describe what I imagine my character to look like but if you can point me to some good FC ressources I would be willing to look for one if it's important to you! The ages of my characters depend on the plot/dynamic we're going for but they mostly tend to be around 20-45!

Fandoms: Harry Potter, Supernatural, Dragon Age, Detroit: Become Human, Vampires: the Masquerade, Marvel/Avengers, DC, Batman/Joker, Merlin (BBC), Shameless (US).

At the moment I really enjoy the pairing of Roman Sionis x Victor Zsasz (they're the inspiration for the Crime Boss x Right-Hand Man idea) so if anyone is up for that pairing as well, let me know! I also really enjoy the pairing Mickey x Ian (Gallavich) from the show Shameless, if anyone is interested in that one!).

I would prefer not to RP anything involving child abuse, underage characters in sexual situations, incest and similar themes. (I’m fine with these things being part of your character’s back story and your character dealing with the after-effects of them but I don’t want to actively RP them!).

I’m also exclusively looking for MxM pairings, so please don’t contact me if you’re looking for someone to RP a MxF plot with! And please be at least 18+. I don’t feel comfortable RPing with anyone younger, even if the RP doesn’t have any smut in it.

I mostly RP on Discord these days, but I'm also open to other mediums, mainly E-mail, tumblr or GoogleDocs!

I would prefer for you to already have a plot in mind (or at least a vague idea of what you want to roleplay) before contacting me!

Thank you for reading all of this! Have a great day & stay safe and healthy!

Contact:

Discord: blueorchid [hashtag] 8092

E-mail: blueorchid.roleplay [at] gmail [dot] com

Or message me here on tumblr! :D

#mxm #mxm roleplay #oc roleplay #oc #slash #roleplay #rp

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puddygeeks · 4 years ago

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Wᴇ Cᴏᴍᴇ Rᴜɴɴɪɴɢ - Tʜᴇ 100 Bᴇʟʟᴀᴍʏ x OC - Cʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 48: Hᴇᴀʀᴛs Tʀᴜᴇ Dᴇsɪʀᴇ

Masterlist

Rating: Mature

Summary: During her time in the Skybox, Indigo formed a precious friendship with fellow outcast Octavia Blake, the girl under the floor. At first they thought their departure from the oppression of the Ark was a blessing, but quickly came to rely on Indigo's keen survival instincts. The 100 struggle to meet the challenges of Earth whilst Bellamy strives to lead the wavering teenagers and his irresponsible attitude fuels constant conflict with Indigo. Their only shared interest is in protecting Octavia and Indigo beings to suspect that there is a deeper cause to Bellamy's seemingly irrational choices. As the consequences of his actions mount up around him, he finally begins to confide in her and she discovers more than she ever bargained for.

Fandom: CW’s The 100

Pairing: OC x Bellamy Blake

LONG TERM ONGOING PROJECT :)

My writing is entirely fuelled by coffee! If you enjoy my work, feel free to donate toward my caffeine dependency: will work for coffee

Warnings: Mature content. Non-consent, language, sex, self harm, suicide, anxiety, helplessness, torture, captivity/confinement, alcohol/drug use.

Chapter Forty-Eight

It took a couple of days for things to return to normal in camp and for my hickies to heal enough to show my face without feeling constantly self conscious. Knox made a few offhand comments about Bellamy during our shifts and I apologised for his recent intimidating behaviour. I avoided our friends for fear of any snide comments and Bellamy slipped back into his strangely inconsistent habits.

After my shift in the kitchens, I wandered across the courtyard but my attention was caught by the sound of a nearby conversation. I paused in place to witness Mel chatting to Bellamy again and I recognised that neither of them had noticed me from the angle that I was standing in. She had her hand placed comfortably on his forearm and they were both laughing in a relaxed state. My stomach flipped with annoyance, despite my best efforts to deny it and I felt my jaw clench as I observed her making doe eyes at him. I tried to remind myself that he chose to take me back to his room every night and of all the small, attentive acts that he did daily to make my heart flutter, but they weren’t enough to remove the uneasy feeling in my chest. I rolled my eyes and dragged myself away to prevent my mind from torturing me any further.

I found a spot near the hustle of the mechanical building to settle and work through the notes that I’d taken from my lessons with Octavia. Recently I felt that I was finally starting to grasp some parts of Trig, but it required consistent work to maintain it in my head and I had discovered that the rhythmic noises of tools helped me to focus. I heard footsteps approaching but kept my eyes trained on my papers in the hope that whoever it was would take the hint to leave me alone.

“There you are Trouble.” I recognised the gruff tone of Bellamy’s voice immediately and glanced up to find him smiling at me warmly. “Kane’s called a meeting to discuss more trips to Mount Weather for supplies, thought you’d want to know.” He stated and I raised my brows in interest. “Yeah, hopefully it won’t drag on for hours again, but if it does I’ll see you back at the room?” He added with a disinterested groan and I sympathised with his responsibility to attend.

“Damn, looks like I’ll have to tuck myself in.” I crooned with a playful expression and he chuckled lightly in a way that I adored the sound of.

“Where have you been all day anyway? I didn’t see you leave your shift.” He questioned and I was surprised that he’d even noticed the slight change in my routine. Most days lately we passed each other in camp as I moved from one commitment to the other and he’d usually throw me a cheeky wink or even slyly make an inappropriate comment if he got close enough.

“Oh, just thought I’d get some study time in.” I confirmed but he simply raised a brow at me suspiciously. “I did pass you in the courtyard earlier, but you were chatting to Mel. I thought I’d give you guys a chance to catch up.” I commented in what I hoped sounded like an idle manner and he shifted on the spot.

“Ah, yeah she caught me for a while there.” He remarked and I concentrated heavily on maintaining a carefree posture. “She’s a nice girl, just very young. I think she’s still got a lot of training to do before I’d take her out as part of the guard.” He thought aloud and I nodded as I stared at my papers avoidantly.

“Hmm, she’ll be disappointed to be left behind. Be careful with that one.” I muttered absent mindedly and my stomach flipped as soon as the words left my mouth. He furrowed his brows at me and I cleared my throat to give myself a moment to consider my words. “Just...don’t lead her on, like you said, she’s young.” I advised with a shrug and he widened his eyes at me.

“Seriously Indie?” He drawled and I held my hands out defensively. “Look, I saved her life when she crashed to Earth, so she looks up to me. She’s another student for me to train, that’s all.” He detailed with a disbelieving tone to his voice, causing me to sigh.

“Are you sure that she knows that?” I asked as I peeked up at him and he analysed me with a slight smirk in the corner of his lips. Already, I regretted initiating this conversation and I found it difficult to discuss whilst still maintaining the casual attitude that I’d been insistent on since we started sleeping together.

“Are you jealous?” He suggested in a low growl and I scoffed in annoyance. “I did offer to train you, it’s not too late to switch classes. You can be my teacher’s pet.” He winked and I shook my head in disapproval at his continued teasing.

“No, I’m not jealous, you can do whatever you want. I’m just offering you some advice; let her down lightly so you don’t break a young girl's heart, take it or leave it.” I explained with a frustration that was evident as I shot to my feet and began to gather my things.

“It’s not like that.” He sighed in a defensive manner and I paused in place to glance at him with exasperation.

“I’m telling you as a woman what I saw in her, she wants it. You used to be excellent at recognising that. But whatever you say Bel.” I chuckled bitterly as I threw him one last look. “I’ll see you after your meeting.” I stated as I placed a chaste kiss on his cheek and left him rooted to the spot in confusion.

For a while, I managed to study in peace in the back of the mechanical building, until I was kicked out by people who needed to use the room. It was almost impossible to concentrate with the building frustration in my mind and I struggled to channel the feeling into anything beneficial. After several attempts to find something to distract myself, I received a message from Raven requesting my assistance with something.

“Hey! Octavia said you were trying to build muscle, right?” She spoke in a rushed way as she opened the door to allow me into her workshop and pulled me inside. I nodded hesitantly and she guided me to a metal structure that made absolutely no sense to me, beside the familiar Rover we’d just recovered. “Awesome, I have a proposal that will be mutually beneficial in that case. I need to install some upgrades but I can’t get around that easily with my bitch of a leg. Can you lift shit for me?” She asked and I noticed the slightest hint of vulnerability in her eyes. It was the first time that she had requested assistance with her injury from me and it felt strange to address the thing that we’d fallen into a routine of pretending hadn’t changed. I knew that admitting she needed help was practically agonising to Raven and felt honoured that she was able to confide in me.

“Of course, but you need to remember that I am, in fact, an idiot. So I’ll need very specific instructions on what you want me to do.” I remarked with a playful expression and was glad to notice that her shoulders visibly relaxed. We fell into an easy companionship as she worked whilst I strained to hold things in place and chatted in the same comfortable way that we always had.

“So, what do you think will come of this big leader meeting your man’s in?” She called from under the car and I sighed thoughtfully. I couldn’t imagine anything worse than sitting in a room full of self important people discussing every minor decision for our camp. It seemed simpler in the days at the dropship, where if something needed to be done we simply took action. I was unsure if the introduction of laws and politics was as beneficial as the leadership believed.

“I don’t know, bunch of political nonsense. I bet Bellamy’s struggling to even stay awake in there.” I commented lightly, imagining him dozing off at the end of the table and I heard Raven hum in agreement.

“Well, looks like he had some comfort before he went in.” She stated in a voice that I recognised well as bait and so I held my tongue. When I didn’t answer, she slid out from the car to examine me in annoyance. “I caught Mel flirting with him pretty hard outside the meeting room. She’s getting her claws right in.” She spat before she got to her feet and dusted herself off. The work space was so large that our voices echoed around it and I was glad that it was just the two of us here with the sharpness of her words.

“Ugh, that poor girl.” I groaned and Raven whipped around to face me as if I’d just grown another head. “I told him to let her down gently before she gets her feelings hurt.” I revealed as I rubbed my forehead in stress and she dropped into a seat to examine me with a riveted interest.

“And? What did he say?” She breathed with a fire burning in her eyes and I couldn’t help a slight snigger at the ridiculous reaction. Recently, it felt as if the budding romance between Bellamy and I was her favourite topic and although I appreciated her support, I couldn’t help finding her enthusiasm bizarre at times.

“He doesn’t think she’s flirting. He says she just looks up to him like the others, or she’s just friendly because she’s grateful to him.” I sighed as I settled into a seat opposite her and she threw her hands up in exaggeration. “I’ve never known him to be so blind to a girl's interest before.” I muttered with a groan and I tried to force the bitter feelings to the back of my mind before they could wander out of my mouth.

“That’s because he only has eyes for you.” She crooned in a mocking tone as she batted her lashes at me and I reached out to slap her playfully on the arm. “Doesn’t it bug you? Seriously, I’m worried. I know you were afraid before all this almost dying stuff, about him losing interest? I don’t want you to be pushed to the point of a nervous breakdown by this random chick.” She dropped her voice to one of genuine concern and I smiled warmly at her ill guided compassion.

“Before everything went down, yes I was. But I already had my nervous breakdown Raven, I’m tapped. Seriously, thinking that you’ll never see someone again kind of changes your priorities.” I explained as she watched me with blatant sympathy. “The way I see it now, Bellamy will do whatever it is that he wants to do. If he wants to fuck some other girl, he’ll do it whether I worry about it or not, so I’m not gonna worry about it. I’m just gonna enjoy whatever we have for as long as it lasts, cause I don’t want to waste a single second of it.” I elaborated and she scoffed as she viewed me with a sense of utter disbelief.

“You’re telling me that you’re just switching your ‘give a shit’ off?” She breathed as she crossed her arms and I sighed as I tried to think of a better way to explain my stance. I shuffled on my seat and rubbed at my temples as she observed my expectantly.

“I’m not switching it off. It was only weeks ago that I thought he was dead and I spent almost all of my time crying.” I revealed and she softened her face. “I reflected a lot on everything I’d learned and I know that Bellamy is the kind of guy who likes the chase. From what I’ve seen, he’s not big on the whole commitment thing and I don’t need it. I’m all too aware that things can change in a heartbeat and honestly, I’m just happy every time that he comes back from a mission alive. I’m glad that I get the chance to see that smile that makes my knees go weak and my heart beat so fast that I think it might explode.” I confessed and Raven smiled smugly.

“Girl, you’ve got it bad!” She laughed and I felt as if I had opened a door that I couldn’t close. The relief of being honest with her was so addictive that the words just continued to flow out of my mouth and the memory of him and Mel talking filled my mind, causing a surge of bitterness.

“I know! God I know.” I breathed as I ran my hands through my hair in a gesture of stress. “Who am I kidding with this whole chilled out act? Part of me wants to find that girl and go full grounder on her ass, tell her that if she even thinks about touching Bellamy I’ll beat her face in.” I growled and Raven whooped in support of this idea. “On the inside, even thinking about him with anyone else kills me, but then I remember how fucking grateful I am that he’s alive and I realise that I’d suffer through anything if it meant that he was happy.” I clarified and she pursed her lips at me with enjoyment.

“I’m pretty confident that he feels the same.” She commented and although I noticed that she didn’t seem to be smiling directly at me, I was too deep in thought to question it. She opened her mouth to speak again but I couldn’t stop the flow of feelings that I needed to speak aloud.

“Maybe, I guess only time will tell. For now, all I know is that I can barely think straight every time he compliments me, or does that thing where he shakes his head and looks at the ground when he laughs. You know, I dream about him, his freckles, the way his eyes glisten when he smiles, or how he runs his hand through his hair when he’s concentrating. I thought that after a while things would calm down, but Raven, every kiss makes my head spin like the first.” I rambled in an emotion charged blur. She watched me with a steadily growing satisfaction as I bared my soul to her and I only paused to sigh. “I’m pretty prepared for the idea that he doesn’t feel the same way, but that's okay. Because if I can just keep him in my life for as long as humanly possible, I’m willing to accept that.” I divulged with a final deep breath as I dropped my shoulders dramatically and finally felt a sense of peace that I hadn’t realised I sorely needed.

“You know, I really think you’d be surprised by how wrong you are about that.” She stated calmly despite an excitement shining in her eyes and I furrowed my brows at her in confusion.

“How can you be so sure?” I enquired with a heavy feeling of insecurity and a delighted smile spread across her lips at my question.

“Oh, just the little fact that he’s standing right behind you and he looks like he’s just won the jackpot, not running for the hills.” She revealed with a blatant enjoyment and I felt my face drop to one of pure horror. I prayed with all of my might that she was simply playing a cruel prank. I was too mortified to turn around to investigate and before I could muster up the courage, I heard a deep voice clear their throat behind me. I felt like my stomach was about to drop out of my body as I closed my eyes in a grimace and heard Raven stand. “I’ll leave you two to talk.” She commented calmly.

I remained frozen on the spot with my eyes firmly closed in an effort to shield myself from the reality of my mistake and heard Bellamy carefully approaching to shatter the hopes of my ‘I can't see you, you can’t see me’ logic. There was a feeling of dread that crept down my spine as I sensed his gaze burning into me and I took a deep breath before forcing myself to look at him. His eyes sparkled with a mixture of amusement and exhilaration, and I gulped nervously whilst my mind desperately strained for something to say. I fiddled with the zip on my jacket and my skin burned with humiliation.

“H-how much of that did you hear?” I stuttered as I peeked at him and squirmed in anticipation. My words repeated in my mind and as I reviewed all the things that he’d potentially overhead that I would rather chop off a limb than say to him, I felt like my heart might stop.

“All of it.” He breathed with a sly smile and I felt my heart skip a beat as I groaned. I felt a wave of nausea wash over me and thought that I would give anything for the chance to take it all back. Terror flooded my veins at the idea that the blissful bubble we’d existed in until now could be about to burst and I steeled myself for the potential heartbreak.

“Is there...any chance that you can just forget that you heard any of it?” I suggested with shaking hands and he did the exact thing that I’d just proclaimed my love for: chuckled lightly as he shook his head and gradually returned his gaze to me with a smile that made my head spin. “Cool, perfect. Well, if you didn’t specifically need me for anything, I’m gonna go blow my brains out.” I remarked with my hands in my pockets and I avoided meeting his eyes as I moved to stride away. I only managed a single step before he caught my arm and pulled me back to face him.

“Indie, don’t worry about it, it’s okay.” He stated as he studied me with an inscrutable expression and I was stressed by the action of locking eyes with him. I sighed as I shuffled on the spot and he reached out to place his hands on my shoulders. I couldn’t tell if he did this more as an act of comfort, or to prevent me from bolting, or maybe a combination of both. “You don’t have to be embarrassed with me. Was all that true?” He probed as he examined my face and I nodded reluctantly. “Why didn’t you say something sooner if it was bothering you so much?” He interrogated and I shrugged avoidantly.

“I don’t know, it seemed dumb.” I grumbled as I tried to push aside the urge to escape. I cleared my throat and decided that if we were going to have this conversation, I may as well say what I needed. “Why weren’t you just honest about Knox?” I enquired and Bellamy shrugged in defeat. This relieved some of the tension in the air as we acknowledged that we’d both played a part in creating this situation with our ridiculous behaviours and for a moment I broke into a smile as I viewed him.

“You know that you don’t have to worry about me with Mel, or anyone else, right?” He suggested as I fixed him with a baffled expression. “I don’t need anything else when I have everything I want with you.” He admitted with a genuine tone and I scoffed in disbelief. He took my face in his hands to force me to meet his eyes and I was surprised by the intensity of his gaze. “I’m serious. You’re beautiful, funny, smart. You give me advice when I need it and you keep me going. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” He confessed and I stared back at him with wide eyes. “I know you had a hard time in Mount Weather, Love, but you’re forgetting that whilst you were there, I lost you too. You're not the only one who had a reality check. I’ve had plenty of time to think and finally getting you back has made me realise that I don’t ever want to lose you again, not to anything.” He paused to bite his lip and I noticed a hint of vulnerability that he tried to conceal. “You’re my girl, I don’t want anyone to question that anymore, especially not you.” He emphasised and I felt a smile breaking through my concern.

“Are you asking me to be your girlfriend, Bellamy Blake?” I crooned with a warmth spreading in my chest as the reality of his words struck me. He tilted his head closer and I bit my lip with a rush of excitement.

“I’m not asking.” He drawled before he leaned in to finally kiss me. The moment that his lips touched mine, I felt a sense of relief and there was a peace that I had craved for longer than I had realised. Thanks to Raven’s gamble, I had security at last.

***

The tension that had been hanging over us completely dissipated over the past few weeks and although we’d been too busy to see much of each other, it didn’t cause any stress now that we knew where we stood. Bellamy had received a whole new batch of volunteers for the guard, which translated into far more frequent shifts for him with the recruits and my training with Octavia had ramped up a notch now that she was starting to see progress. Monty had somehow convinced Jasper to start taking some of his shifts back in mechanical, which was a relief as Monty was looking rather bedraggled recently.

I’d used my new additional free time to either work on building muscle, or studying Trig. I was able to hold almost entire conversations in it now and although I still made the occasional mistake or found worlds that I hadn’t learned, I was proud of the new skill. It was a surprise to discover that Lincoln was slightly chattier in his native tongue and I’d come to appreciate our conversations more due to their infrequency. We bonded mostly over a joint protectiveness of Octavia, but I also enjoyed the quiet wisdom about him that I witnessed more now that he had moved into Arkadia. It was strange to see him living amongst us after our violent beginnings, but he seemed to be adapting well and fell into communicating with other campers far better than I ever would have expected. I was studying in the courtyard of camp, enjoying the cool spring sunshine when Monty rushed over.

“Hey Indie, have you seen Jasper?” He queried with blatant fear filling his face and something about his manner immediately put me on edge.

“No, I’m sorry.” I answered and he hissed in response. “I thought he was doing a shift today? Is everything okay?” I investigated as he shuffled on the spot with distress and I analysed him worriedly.

“He was, he didn’t turn up and I’ve only just heard. No one’s seen him all day and it’s been hours since he left dorms.” He confirmed with his brows deeply furrowed and I quickly got to my feet to assist.

“You want me to take this to Bel, get a search party out or are we keeping this on the down low?” I breathed as I felt his panic bleeding into me and my heart hammered in my chest.

“Let’s just keep it between us for now, I don’t want to get Jasper in trouble.” He muttered and I nodded obediently.

“Alright, let’s split up and meet back here if you can’t find him.” I suggested and we rushed apart in search of him.

I checked anywhere that I thought Jasper was likely to attend for fun first, in the vain hope that he may finally have felt like enjoying himself. When that failed, I had to acknowledge the painful thought that he may have gone somewhere quiet to harm himself and I felt an overpowering anxiety building in me as I searched the secluded areas where I thought it would be easiest to do this. I passed Monty in the mechanical building as we both seemed to have the same idea to investigate the unused rooms and abandoned corners.

In one of the final rooms, I turned to leave when I noticed a boot out of the corner of my eye. I crouched down to examine it and discovered Jasper passed out under a table. I gasped as I neared him in terror and immediately checked for any sign of a pulse. An intense wave of relief washed over me as I confirmed that he was alive and I leaned closer to the door to call out.

“Monty! In here!” I cried, before returning to Jasper to pull him across my lap. I shook him until he responded as I became fearful that he could have overdosed and he groaned dramatically but didn’t seem to be able to wake. Monty stumbled into the room in a fluster and I smiled up at him. “I’ve got him.” I confirmed but Monty could clearly see the concern in my eyes as he glanced between me and Jasper, whose head flopped back in my arms.

“Ugh, he’s tanked.” Monty stated and as I turned to view him doubtfully, I noticed the empty flask further under the desk. “I’d recognise that look on him anywhere. Damn it, Jasper.” He growled with an evident frustration and I sighed in disappointment as I scooped up the evidence to hide in my pocket. “Can you help me get him back to dorms?” Monty asked with an embarrassed expression and I nodded in understanding.

“Of course, my love.” I answered as I got to my feet and we managed to hoist him between us with difficulty. He was barely conscious enough to manage to walk with some stern encouragement and his arms over our shoulders to keep him upright.

“You’re a mess, dude.” Monty scolded, but Jasper only managed an offended groan in response. Monty rolled his eyes and sighed. “I’m sorry about this Indie.” He mumbled awkwardly.

“Hey, it’s fine. Family isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, right?” I smiled encouragingly at him and he made his best effort to return it.

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dykedteach · 4 years ago

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001 for rome! 😌💕

this got very very long, so it’s going under a cut!

001 | Send me a fandom and I will tell you my:

Favorite character:

This is much more of a struggle than it should be. It was supposed to be Brutus, but realistically it’s a toss up between him and Antony. It depends on which episode I last watched, what gifset I last saw, etc but they do vie for first place a lot.

Alternatively, fuck it, Niobe.

Least Favorite character:

I can’t stand Memmio. I know we’re not supposed to, but there’s something about him I really don’t like. Also, Maecenas, partially because all I can see is Bran Stark, but also partially because I Do Not Like Him.

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon):

I really wasn’t here or there on shipping the first time around, but that has changed somewhat since then, although it’s still something I’m not huge on in the Rome universe. I got into Brutus/Antony (as you well know, as it’s mostly your fault!), and it’s definitely the ship I’m most invested in. The chemistry between Antony and Cleopatra is incredible (as it should be). I do have moments of love for Pullo/Vorenus, even though I can’t see it being something Vorenus would take to. I quite liked Octavia and Agrippa, I thought they were very sweet. And my second time around, I’ve felt a lot more for Antony and Atia’s relationship than I had previously.

Character I find most attractive:

Niobe is so, so beautiful. I have been crushing on Indira since Torchwood, so I knew I’d take to Niobe! I also feel like we don’t talk enough about how gorgeous Octavia is, she’s so so pretty. I dig Brutus in his armour and also when he is crying, love that distraught little baby bird. And of course, Antony tends to go one of two ways, either I’m just like “no <3″ (like when he has a beard, or he’s wearing one of his big full length loose tunics), or i’m fully weak for it (egyptian antony, naked braggart antony)

Character I would marry:

See with these characters, I tend to also take the political aspect into it, which makes this much much harder. Agrippa would be a nice safe bet. Politics aside, Brutus would probably be a nice one to marry. Even Pullo would be alright in some respects, he seems like he’d generally be a good, sweet husband, but then he’s got too many enemies you’d be at risk of getting in the way of. I might have to go and be a priestess instead, Lyde had the right idea.

Character I would be best friends with:

I feel like Octavia needs a friend who is nice and also a good influence on her. We could read poetry and sing songs and I could keep her out of trouble and be very very gracious to Atia (but also let it be known that I’m keeping Octavia nice and virtuous and boring), to stay on her good side. I can’t imagine being best friends with Atia, but I’d like to be in her good favour.

Similarly, the Vorenus kids, I just want to adopt them and keep them safe and braid their hair and feed them soup.

a random thought:

I forget that the vast majority of Rome fans seem to be cishet men until I leave the lovely safe confines of this site, and then I do things like look for memes, or find old review pages, and find out. I have caught myself watching random scenes on youtube - these are videos uploaded like a decade ago - and sometimes I’ll scroll through the comments and it’s like Oh God Oh God I Forgot The Alpha Male Crowd. I watched one today, it was the (uncensored) scene where Vorenus goes to talk to Antony while he’s having his scrape-down, and the comments were (mostly) amazingly PG which I didn’t expect (there’s a few golden ones I may have to send your way though)

An unpopular opinion:

didn’t realise it was an unpopular opinion until i saw a few people saying they loved it but uh. i cannot stand bearded brutus. sorry :( (literally any appeal that that river scene could have is ripped away from me bc of his weird scraggly beard)

My Canon OTP:

again, ships and otp’s aren’t really a Thing I would use when talking about the show specifically, but it has sent me down a wormhole of researching cleopatra and antony’s relationship ever since my first watch

My Non-canon OTP:

i was wildly curious about antony and brutus generally, and then the two noble consuls series started coming out and i can’t remember the last time a fanfiction made me feel this way and now i’m obsessed with them particularly

Most Badass Character:

I feel like antony and pullo are very obvious ones, but also? atia. she’s badass. she invisibly pulled the strings to move history she’s very much badass

Most Epic Villain:

it’s so tricky to pinpoint who exactly is a villain (aside from the minor ones like the collegiate leaders etc), but in terms of antagonists (and because I haven’t talked about him yet and I feel I should), ciaran as caesar is incredible. he just, he IS caesar for me. i cannot get over the scene with him and brutus when they’re playing the board game together, it’s so small and so powerful. however much acclaim he got at the time, it wasn’t enough.

Pairing I am not a fan of:

I’ve seen a few Brutus/Cicero works, and I just really don’t see that as a pairing at all. I love their dynamic as characters, they’re one of my favourite scene pairings, but I could never ship them.

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another):

I feel like there was so much potential for Gaia to be an incredible character, a fierce warrior with power and might especially as an ex-slave and a lower class Roman woman. They wasted her on romantic sub plots. I hate what they made her to do Eirene (who I loved), and even if the writers wanted Eirene and the baby dead for plot reasons there was no need to involve Gaia. She had some lovely scenes with the Vorenus kids, and they could have even kept the bits with her and Mascius, but I just don’t see why they had to write her in just to see Vorenus fuck someone for the first time since Niobe, and to fuck up Pullo and Eirene.

Favourite Friendship:

I love what Vorenus and Pullo have, obviously. The gladiator scene, I’ve seen I think three times now? and I still well up when he goes into the ring chanting “thirteen!”. Brutus and Cicero, I briefly mentioned, but I love the idea of their friendship, especially as the younger men in the Cato-Scipio camp. Also, I know it’s not a friendship as such, but it’s one of my favourite relationships - I love what Atia and Octavia have. Like, talk about toxic parenting, but then you have these gorgeous little intimate moments like Atia lovingly calling her a little grump, and cuddling up with her to kiss her and comfort her when Agrippa leaves, and you can see just how much love and pride there is there.

Character I most identify with:

I struggle to identify with any of them, really, because unlike literally every character in this show I’m particularly conflict avoidant. I don’t see myself in any of them at all - maybe I’m quite kind hearted, like Octavia, or I’m more brains than brawn, like Cicero, or I’m much more inclined to curl in a corner and rock back and forth instead of facing my problems unless peer pressured, like Brutus.

There should be a uquiz for this. But of course - it first came out back in the original quizilla days of internet quizzes! OK i found one hold up-

and there you have it. Octavia, apparently.

(the quiz, from 2007: http://www.quiztron.com/tests/character_best_descr_quiz_44950.htm)

Character I wish I could be:

I’d like Atia’s power and confidence, for sure. There’s certainly aspects of Octavia’s life I wouldn’t mind having, either.

thanks for the ask!!! this went on way too long, but it was fun!

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azdoine · 5 years ago

Text

So let’s talk about them cherubs.

I think it’s no secret that Calliope and Caliborn have always been deeply gendered characters in Homestuck, but (beyond fanart and enthusiastic headcanons) I personally haven’t seen a lot of engagement with their characters on that level. The most comprehensive readings of Calliope and Caliborn that I’ve seen have always been through the lens of metatext (Calliope and Caliborn as fandom avatars) or religion (Calliope and Caliborn as Gnostic figures).

With that in mind, I want to talk about the ways in which Calliope and Caliborn are gendered in Homestuck, and offer my own amateur reading of Calliope as a trans allegory.

Full disclosure, I love the epilogues, but I won’t be engaging with them here -- I view them as extracanonical, which is to say, I’d like to talk about them and their own presentation of Calliope’s story in another post.

Also, it’s Homestuck, so, you know. Sex, death, violence, and bigotry under the cut:

If we’re to read Calliope as a trans allegory, then we don’t need to look very far for evidence, because the text is very straightforward in suggesting it.

Almost as soon as we meet Calliope in the flesh for the first time, we’re confronted with the bleak reality of her desire for a more feminine embodiment:

'Callie Ohpeee’ serves as an aspirational figure for Calliope on multiple levels. Most obviously, she’s a vehicle for Calliope’s self-insertion into the wider world of paradox space and the alpha timeline (i.e. her self-insertion into the story of Homestuck); Callie Ohpeee is able to freely and directly interact with the elements and characters of the story that Calliope adores, while Calliope cannot. Somewhat less obviously, Calliope’s trollsona also serves as a way for her to imagine herself in non-caliginous relationships (which she desires on some level, but she feels she has been denied by her biology).

However, Calliope’s trollsona isn’t just a vehicle for her relationships and engagement with other people. Calliope’s trollsona is also key to the way in which Calliope desires to relate to herself.

Calliope desires to be attractive and feminine for her own sake: she desires to be beautiful and pretty, and her trollsona serves as the vehicle by which she satisfies this desire.

Calliope’s trollsona is quite literally her idealized feminine self, and so her relaxing “solo cosplay” sessions bring nothing more to mind than a trans woman privately enjoying a feminine presentation in the closet, as many trans women have. Her costumery and face paint imply clothes and makeup, and Caliborn takes on the role of a patriarch or patriarchy that tries to control her.

Ultimately, though, Calliope’s embodiment desires are cosmically validated by the unfolding drama of paradox space. Calliope is tormented by the apparent fact that she isn’t and can’t be Callie Ohpeee, but nevertheless, she successfully inserts herself into the lives of the alpha kids and the unfolding of the alpha timeline, forms the kinds of relationships that she wants, and receives the regard that she wants. She dies and takes on the form of her trollsona in the dream bubbles, and even when she’s physically reborn as her cherub self, she’s still “Callie” to Roxy, a meaningful nickname that goes basically unspoken.

Pretty straightforward, right? A trans girl learns that she and her body aren’t unlovable, makes friends and forms bonds as her true self, and escapes the reach of the forces that once abused her.

FEARFUL SYMMETRY

Before we can close the door on a trans reading of Calliope, we also have to consider Calliope and Caliborn as a pair, and not least because the two of them literally share the same body. Fair warning, we’re only going to get more speculative (and more indulgent) going forward.

Calliope and Caliborn are presented, at least superficially, as absolute and dichotomous opposites. They are two spirits that cannot coexist at once within the same body; their respective attitudes and temperaments couldn’t be any more different, and they are, of course, Muse and Lord: quintessentially passive and quintessentially active.

However, Calliope and Caliborn aren’t so different as one might think. Despite Caliborn’s violent protestations to the contrary, they share key characterizing interests in the likes of shipping...

...and art:

Caliborn is infamous for his disgust and anger with the absurdity of paradox space (i.e. his anger with the text of Homestuck itself), but Calliope is easily provoked into displaying the exact same petulant frustration with the direction of the story and the unfolding of events around her.

Calliope and Caliborn are consistently unified within the text -- not as incompatible opposites, but as two sides of the same coin. In Complacency of the Learned, Calliope and Caliborn are personified in the singular, androgynous Calmasis. In his chess match with Calliope, Caliborn disguises his king as his queen, and vice versa, signifying a mutual transgression and inversion of gender; Caliborn steals Calliope’s hemotyping and typing quirk, just as alternate!Calliope does the same to him, in a mutual appropriation not just of quirk (i.e. voice and presentation), but of blood, or life. On the level of the body, Caliborn’s skin is inextricably marked by the green that signifies Calliope, and Calliope is inextricably marked by Caliborn’s skull: the deaths-head he would inflict upon all life (and a hyperrealization of the masculine or unfeminine bone structure that troubles many trans women).

Most significantly, Aranea indicates to us that Calliope and Caliborn actually began as one being, which then went on to fracture into a male and female aspect, striving with and against each other -- a creation myth for gender and sexuality itself, in the vein of Plato’s Symposium, Rabbinic lore on Adam and Eve, and (rather topically) Hedwig and the Angry Inch.

With their fundamental unity in mind, we can read Calliope and Caliborn not just as ‘brother and sister’, but rather as two identities, personas, or aspects of one person. This is why, for example, calling a cherub by one of their two names brings that personality to the surface -- because, on a literal or symbolic level, it constitutes the active validation of that personality and identity, and the abject denial of the other.

Does all of this suggest a bigender, genderfluid, or otherwise non-binary reading of Calliope and Caliborn? Maybe, but let’s keep going, first.

Aranea’s exposition tells us that even adult, mature, ‘binary’ cherubs are still figures of gender duality, inversion, and transgression. Mating cherubs take on the forms of dueling cosmic serpents -- the sex act occurs between two hyperreal phallic symbols, suggesting male homosexuality in specific and queerness more broadly. It was Calliope’s biological father who ultimately submitted to their biological mother, and thus it was Calliope’s biological father who laid their egg, while their biological mother was the one to fertilize it, revealing the separation of sexual anatomy and power relations from gender among cherubs.

The gender dualities, inversions, and transgressions at play can still exist within cherubs who are, by all accounts, decisively male or female in gender identity -- despite the lack of of any way to assign them a sex or gender from the outside.

The dueling personalities within each young cherub are siblings to each other, but they are also different possible selves that the cosmically-transgender cherub might become as they grow to adulthood -- just as the dueling alternate selves of so many other characters can illuminate their own internal conflicts. In Homestuck, the inner life is always prone to manifest in the outer life, again and again.

I TRAGICALLY LOST A SISTER TO MURDER

Having established a reading of Calliope and Caliborn as two identities within one person -- as ‘Calmasis’ at odds with themself, containing multitudes and torn between them -- we can move on to look at the way Calliope and Caliborn relate to each other, and to gender, in order to get the bigger picture.

Caliborn introduces himself to us as undyingUmbrage, a username of largely straightforward meaning. His umbrage -- his anger, irritation, annoyance, or offense in the face of the world -- is neverending, everlasting, and eternal, and so too is his own life. Caliborn is immortal, allowing him to carry his rage forward forever.

If Caliborn’s username is simple, then Calliope’s is more sophisticated, which fits their characters. As uranianUmbra, her title invokes most obviously Uranus the planet and Urania the heavenly muse, but also the ‘uranian’, Karl Ulrichs’ antiquated title for gay men and trans women: those with an anima muliebris virili corpore inclusa, “a woman’s soul enclosed in a man’s body.” As the umbra, or darkest shadow, she invokes the Jungian shadow archetype, the suppressed, unconscious, or rejected aspect of the self.

As such, Calliope identifies and codes herself both as transfeminine and as Caliborn’s allegorical shadow archetype -- a part of himself that he can neither accept, acknowledge, or escape, perpetually haunting him. In-universe, Calliope names herself after Uranus’ topspin, and the ‘English’ of a cue-ball that it echoes -- thus, she implicitly identifies herself and the trans feminine uranian with the cue-ball that threatens Caliborn and Lord English. She symbolically establishes herself and the trans feminine as Caliborn’s only intrinsic vulnerabilities!

And on some level, Calliope tells us all of this! Because while Caliborn wants to destroy Calliope, she hopes to make him like her:

Calliope manifests a sincere investment in so many of the things that Caliborn orbits at a distance. Thus, to Caliborn, she represents a threat from within to his ability to maintain distance, because on some level, she serves as a manifestation of his own desire to draw closer. She confronts him with the reality of his own desire, or at least, with the latent possibility of his own sincere investment -- she serves to remind him that anyone who can waste as much time on creating Homosuck as he does is both an invested creative and sincerely invested in Homestuck on some level.

And it’s much the same on the level of gender, too. Calliope serves as a sincere reflection of the gender identity that Caliborn can only orbit at a distance. It was, after all, Caliborn’s idea to swap the king and queen chess pieces, and to disguise them as each other. Calliope lashes out at him because he cannot do so earnestly: because Caliborn makes a shitty twist out of his insincere production, because he can’t commit to swapping the places of the king and queen, and because he abuses Calliope’s willingness to swap the pieces (because he abuses and misdirects her inclination to gender transgression, and by extension, betrays the premises of his own idea).

This is why Caliborn kills Calliope’s dreamself instead of predominating over her in the conventional way -- not just because it’s easier and more convenient for him, but because his predomination would mean “consuming” her personality and “integrating” with it. It would constitute an integration with his shadow archetype, and thus, on some level, a partial destruction of the persona and ego he has established for himself. To Caliborn, as pathological as he has become, any level of integration with Calliope represents an existential threat, and so he has to cut her out of himself like a cancer.

But even having cut Calliope out of himself, Caliborn cannot escape her. By cutting her out of himself, he has defined himself around the hole she has left in him -- he has permanently divorced himself of the opportunity to integrate with her or accept what she represents. While both Caliborn and alt!Calliope take up each other’s typing quirks as a sign of victory, Caliborn takes Calliope’s quirk as a way by which he can signal his ‘wholeness’:

And this is, of course, complete bullshit and posturing of the highest order. Andrew Hussie not only directly characterizes the conflict between Caliborn and Calliope as an inner conflict within him, but he also tells him that his only path to maturity and personal growth was through integration with Calliope.

Not to be denied, Caliborn continues to constantly assert the self-justifying completion and authority of his masculinity, for himself and for others...

...but even so, he still can’t help but betray himself and his own idealized masculinity:

Masc4masc, Caliborn certainly isn’t! In his creative endeavors, he telegraphs his ultimate disgust for masculinity. He needs to draw out the femininity he wants to see in men -- he acts out gruesome, hateful misogyny against women, but even as he murders so many of the women of his manga or otherwise ejects them from his story, he’s still compelled to recreate femininity and symbolically recreate womanhood within the male cast he has left behind.

And he’s not just motivated by homophobia and a disgust for men who are intimate with other men! Nor is he just motivated by a desire to place these feminized characters below him. Just as Calliope does sincerely with her Callie Ohpeee trollsona, Caliborn is compelled to feminize his own self-insert, the crude rendition of Lord English he creates for his own satisfaction. Given free reign to depict himself and insert himself into his story however he likes, Caliborn opts to turn away from the full thrust of hypermasculinity, and he makes himself beautiful and gorgeous.

And as soon as he does so, Caliborn’s repressed attraction to Calliope erupts again:

This isn’t just the matter of blackrom incest that the text superficially suggests; even on a purely textual level, due to the alien nature of their relationship, Caliborn only barely regards Calliope as a sister, and he certainly has no problem with objectifying and sexualizing all of the other women he hates.

No, Caliborn has to repress his attraction to Calliope because, given their shared form, his attraction to her as a woman necessarily constitutes an implicit recognition that he could be attractive as a woman, and his body could be attractive as a woman’s body.

Caliborn can never accept that, and he’ll never directly address it or engage with it. He’ll never think about what all of this means for him, or act on his idle fantasies. The time for turning back is well behind him.

He is, now and forever, exactly the kind of angry and disaffected chud who will never unplug from 4chan or stop masturbating to awful trap hentai. He has deliberately imprisoned himself within the teleology of his own self-confirming hegemonic masculinity, and he thinks it is glorious.

THE DEMON IS ALREADY HERE

To fully understand Caliborn, of course, we need to understand Lord English.

If Caliborn has imprisoned himself within his own assertions, then Lord English is the embodiment of those assertions, and Caliborn’s transformation into Lord English is his ultimate apotheosis: having murdered his shadow and excised her spirit from within himself, his transformation enables him to excise her from without. His ascension allows him not only to purge Calliope’s visage from his body, closing off the possibilities once implied and allowed by his youthful and androgynous form, but also to recreate, reconfirm, and relive his victory over Calliope at every turn.

To understand what I mean by that, let’s look at the characters and components who go into Lord English, starting with Equius.

Equius, is, of course, a long-form joke character about the pathetic contradictions of hegemonic masculinity. In his pesterlogs, he opens every line with blatantly phallic imagery...

But when he actually tries to handle said phallus in real life, his titanic strength prevents him from doing anything but destroying it:

And the same goes for one of his horns, which he has apparently broken off. The autocastration symbolism is not subtle, and about the mildest thing we can conclude is that he’s a chronic, addicted masturbator who has compromised his own sexual performance.

He’s also textually obsessed with upholding the racial hegemony of the Alternian civilization...

...but his obsession with hierarchy and dominance quickly collapses into a thin pretext for his barely-suppressed desire to submit to those who are higher than him on the hemospectrum...

...and to those who are lower than him!

Equius is a character intrinsically lined to the collapse and self-destruction of masculinity and male sexuality, which is topical enough that we might end there. However -- and there’s no nice way for me to say this -- we also need to establish that Equius is a necrophile and a sexual predator, too.

@mmmmalo and others have written intriguingly and at length about reading “blue beauties” as a cipher for “sexualized corpses” in Homestuck, but for Equius, it’s about as textual as it gets. Equius is explicitly sexually and romantically interested in Aradia even after her death, and his necrophillic attraction is only reinforced by the symbolism: he constructs an unliving replacement body for her, which parses most obviously as a symbolic embalming and restoration of her corpse, and he treats it like a love doll even as it’s uninhabited and lifeless. He seeks to literally transform her body into a “blue beauty” by the transfusion of his own blood, which (given the color-coding of troll body fluids) parses as a clear insemination joke about his genetic material.

We might excuse his attraction for various fantastic mitigating factors -- Aradia is, after all, still ‘alive’ in a kind of undead state -- but Equius’ more general sexual predation cannot be so easily ignored. Aradia is chronically depressed and in absolute need of the service that Equius can provide, which he uses to take advantage of her and to compromise her bodily autonomy and judgement with the device he covertly implants inside of her.

Equius is undeniably a sexual predator who constructs women’s bodies in order to further his own domination, and his own motif of sexual self-destruction and inversion puts the final dark twist on his story. He is brutally dominated by Gamzee, suffocated to death until his corpse is blue in the face, and ultimately prototyped together with AR. He finds a unique fulfillment as he becomes the object of his own desire, when he is transformed into his own cybernetic “blue beauty”.

It’s not hard for me as a trans woman to see certain tropes at play, but for those of us who aren’t up to date on foundational transmisogynistic screeds...

Today the Frankenstein phenomenon is omnipresent not only in religious myth, but in its offspring, phallocratic technology. The insane desire for power, the madness of boundary violation, is the mark of necrophiliacs who sense the lack of soul/spirit/life-loving principle with themselves and therefore try to invade and kill off all spirit, substituting conglomerates of corpses. This necrophilic invasion/elimination takes a variety of forms. Transsexualism is an example of male surgical siring which invades the female world with substitutes... The projected manufacture by men of artificial wombs, of cyborgs which will be part flesh, part robot, of clones – all are manifestations of phallocratic boundary violation. So also the behaviorism of B.F. Skinner and “physical control of the mind” through the use of implanted electrodes by such scientists as Delgado, are variations of monstrous male “motherhood”.

-Gyn/Ecology

Blanchard believes that autogynephilia is best conceived as misdirected heterosexuality. These men are heterosexual, but due to an error in the development of normal heterosexual preference, the erotic target (a woman) gets located on the inside (the self) rather than the outside...

Autogynephiles are men who have created their image of attractive women in their own bodies, an image that coexists with their original, male selves. The female self is a man-made creation. They visit the female image when they want to have sex, and some became so attached to the female image that they want it to become their one, true self...

-The Man Who Would Be Queen

But hey, does anyone else remember that time when ARquius got upset and envious because he couldn’t lactate like a mother would?

EXTREMELY SUBTLE.

As for Equius’ fusion with the AR, or Auto-Responder, we come to Dirk Strider.

Dirk Strider is, if anything, the furthest thing imaginable from the autoerotic subject that Equius presents: he is not so much attracted to another self as he is utterly repulsed by himself in his own totality.

Dirk Strider is a self-loathing, self-destructive, self-mutilating gay man, caught in the grips of a kind of hateful narcissism. He is not overtly trans-coded, or related to the trans feminine, but his male homosexuality ties into another, subtler form of trans feminine horror, one which Jake suggests in aside:

Dirk Strider presents the horror of the destruction of the self and the destruction of manhood more generally, both in the service of the satisfaction of others and in the fulfillment of self-hatred. He creates and destroys himself with abandon. In Unite/Synchronize, it’s Dirk who willingly decapitates himself to cross the gulf of space and time between him and Jake, and he allows Dave to decapitate him and destroy his ‘unbreakable’ katana with Caledfwlch -- the uranian cue-ball sword that destroys masculinity -- in Collide.

And keep in mind that when Dirk decapitates himself, it’s Lil’ Hal who looks out from his severed head:

Holy castration symbolism, batman! Remember that Hal’s shades are a part of ARquius’ own phallic imagery:

Lil’ Hal is a phallic specter that terrorizes both Dirk and Jake on the individual level, as well as in their relationship with each other. He drives Dirk’s Brobot-self to greater aggression, he’s aggressive, condescending, and cruel with Jake in general, and he apparently manipulates events to force Jake to kiss Dirk’s severed head -- which, if we’re taking the castration metaphor seriously, basically means he forced Jake to give Dirk head. Classy.

Is it any wonder that Dirk is so compelled to lop Lil’ Hal off of himself and out of his life, no matter the ethics or implications for himself? Hal is the perfect storm and culmination of all of the worst things Dirk sees in himself, and the omniscient apotheosis of his own detatched, ultramasculine, hypercompetent, ironic persona -- all despite being treated as a 13-year-old by the text, an immature and incomplete version of Dirk.

Remind you of anyone else?

Dirk and Lil Hal are in this respect a brighter mirror of Calliope and Caliborn: they are a self divided for whom the better half has softly predominated.

Dirk probably hasn’t literally castrated himself to destroy his masculinity in the way that Caliborn has literally destroyed his own femininity; Dirk and Hal certainly aren’t so explicitly gendered or trans-coded as Calliope and Caliborn are, so it’s more difficult to read them and their relationship as trans-coded. (Unless you want to read Dirk and Hal that way, in which case, hell yeah, go forth and be valid, and link me your fanfiction, please.)

Nevertheless, Dirk’s symbolic castration and literal rejection of lil Hal represents, if nothing else, a rejection of and predomination over his most toxic aspect (and his most toxically masculine aspect), and the gruesome excision of such from his life.

But while Dirk has left his worst half behind, his worst half has gone on to supercede him: entering into union with Equius, and by extension, Caliborn.

And what of Gamzee, the most important character in the entire comic?

Well, Gamzee is, of course, another mirror to Calliope and Caliborn. Like Calliope and Caliborn -- our allegorical Calmasis -- Gamzee is caught in an erratic duality between two possibilties.

Just like our Calmasis, Gamzee vacillates almost all through life between two fundamentally different personas. At the time of his introduction, he was someone basically passive, agreeable, and kindly -- even lovable, to the point that he still has his fans and stans to this day.

Of course, as time went on, he became more and more aggressive. Even against the backdrop of his largely passive behavior, his increasing aggression culminated in his many infamously depraved and murderously violent outbursts: a transition not incidentally marked (among other things) by his rejection of the green (and Calliope-coded) sopor slime that once helped to pacify him, and his radicalization at the hands of his future self (in Lil’ Cal).

In his typing quirk, Gamzee likewise alternates between Calliope’s lowercase and Caliborn’s uppercase:

Definitely no themes of duality here, nope!

Most tellingly, even in his ascension to Lord English, Gamzee is also halved, just like Calliope & Caliborn: Gamzee is bisected such that only half of him enters Lil’ Cal, while half of him is left behind, utterly broken and irrelevant.

But if Gamzee is a reflection of Calliope and Caliborn, then what else does this piece of shit clown have to say about them?

Well, like Calliope, Gamzee is quite involved in his own constructed persona -- but unlike Calliope, he’s almost never regarded as anything but disgusting and pathetic.

No amount of face paint can cover the scars across his face, and instead of covering himself up, his costume only accentuates his own body, exposing himself in the most pornographically aggressive and perverse way possible.

Even in making himself into a clown he reaches towards something inherently absurd; something that has no existence in itself save for how comical and disgusting it is to others. His aspirations and imitations render him a walking joke and a figure of corrupt terror.

And most horribly and grotesquely, if Calliope and Caliborn are a trans allegory, and Gamzee is any kind of reflection of them, we know exactly what kind of warped and fictitious trans archetype Gamzee is:

Gamzee suggests himself as a serial killer, and he’s one who hordes corpses and steals trophies from his victims, at that.

But there’s one more person we need to look at in this gruesome sequence: Doc Scratch, another parallel to Calliope in this incestuous slurry of signifiers. In Doc Scratch, the man with the uranian cue-ball head, we see even Calliope’s most harmless, silly traits taken to their most nightmarish and oppressive conclusions.

It’s Doc Scratch who selectively warps troll culture in order to create the world and the culture that Calliope loved so, and who meddles in the alpha timeline as he so desires; it’s he who shows just how perverse and oppressive omniscience can be, transforming all her scrapbooks and her labors of love into his own exhaustive account of the cosmos, turning her love of her favorite characters into his own callous disregard for objects to be manipulated. When he uses her own thoughtful tone, it only telegraphs menace.

And, most darkly for our own analysis, Doc Scratch is a sexual predator and a pedophile.

Almost from the start, he’s undeniably sexualized as a threat in his conversations with Vriska:

Even his omniscience is sexualized by his own words, casting the light of his awareness as a phallic presence invading and penetrating the unknown:

Vriska is an unreliable narrator, of course, and we might not want to read too deeply into Doc Scratch’s words. Scratch is certainly quick to assure Rose that he’s not a predator in his conversations with her...

...but as always, the gulf between what Doc Scratch says and what he means is almost insurmountable. Doc Scratch tells Rose that he has no biological means of reproduction, but he is a conglomerate of and a vessel for multiple sexual beings, and even the castrated may experience sexual pleasure and pursue sexual ends.

Most tellingly, Doc Scratch only tells Rose that he isn’t attracted to her “in the way she means”. From an entity known for wordplay and lies of omission, this constitutes a tacit admission that he IS attracted to her in some way that she isn’t asking about.

Aradia explicitly characterizes his interference in her and Kanaya’s lives as ‘grooming’...

And he does much the same to Damara:

Doc Scratch is an undeniably sexual and sexualized threat.

We might ask how, exactly, he’s supposed to be attracted to Rose and the other young girls he victimizes -- and certainly I think he’s a sexual voyeur in the general case, but I think he’s also an even more abstract and pedophillic threat.

Doc Scratch is a copy of Lil’ Cal, given life and omniscience as a First Guardian; he is the child’s toy which was once fawned over by a puppet pornographer, and he is a child-sized man. He titles himself after the Scratch process which allows children the chance to grow up, but which also transforms adults into children; he presents the absolute perverse sentimentality of all adult transgressions into the realm of childish things.

This alludes to Caliborn, of course, as the boy who cannot escape his childhood, but it’s also sexologically linked to toxic trans feminine archetypes...

Blanchard (1991) started with the idea that some cases of male-to-female gender dysphoria and transsexualism are fundamentally motivated by an ETII, in which natal males who are otherwise sexually attracted to women eroticize the idea of being women to such an extent that they want to become a woman themselves. Freund and Blanchard (1993) later extended this idea to an analogous ETII that might motivate some pedophilic men to impersonate or fantasize about being children.

It is fitting that the most compelling finding of our study—that autopedophilic men sexually attracted to girls tend to find it sexually arousing to imagine themselves as a girl—reflects the likely confluence of the two ETIIs that had been proposed many years ago: one that involves locating an individual of a different gender within one’s own body, and the other that involves locating an individual of a different age within one’s own body.

...and it’s also a searing indictment of Calliope.

To cosmic entities such as her and Scratch, how can other people be anything but objects, tools, and characters to be abused? Before the power and knowledge they might come to command, how can other people be anything but insects?

To Scratch and Calliope, how can other people be anything but children?

Even as Calliope becomes a mere player within the story of paradox space, Doc Scratch accuses her of a fundamental and unwholesome transgression. She lets go of the condescending oversight she used to hold over the alpha timeline, no matter how kindly and well-meaning she was, and she descends from the omniscient authority of her lonesome ivory tower, but Doc Scratch still names her as an offense to herself and to others. Her desire to be a person is cast as a perversion, a deviance, and a sickness.

SBURB is a game her kind was never meant to play, after all. It’s a coming-of-age narrative not meant for her.

Ultimately, Doc Scratch himself is a fundamental accusation against Calliope: he is a grail of the souls who signify some of the most horrible gendered narratives and trans feminine narratives we can imagine, animated in mockery of Calliope as if to say: “this is you”. Equius, an autoerotic, necrophillic predator, and Hal, an aggressive, intellectualist meddler; even Gamzee, who is both a murderous pervert and her own adoptive father, a normative role model who is anything but.

And when Caliborn rises to prominence and Lord English births himself from the corpse of Doc Scratch, it’s nothing less a recreation of the traditional predomination that Caliborn has denied himself. To Caliborn, Lord English is the sign of his own victory: he may see the souls within Lil’ Cal as like-minded role models to emulate and assimilate, or as hateful and loathesome symbols of Calliope to be crushed under his will, but his predomination allows him to take both options without interrogating himself, just as he’s gone without interrogating everything else he wants.

And to Calliope, well, if Doc Scratch was an accusation against her, then what could be more horrible to her than Lord English? He has destroyed Doc Scratch and symbolically ended her own perversions, but only through the act of being born.

The only alternative to the horror of being Doc Scratch is the terror of being Lord English; the only alternative to the horror of being Calliope is the terror of being Caliborn.

ISOLATION

I could navel-gaze for hours about the potential symbolism of Lord English, but I think it’s time to return full circle to a somewhat more grounded look at Calliope.

If Calliope, Caliborn, and Lord English cast light upon each other, then what does alternate!Calliope have to say about them?

Having naturally predominated and standing as a singular figure in the furthest ring, Alt!Calliope serves to illuminate the alternatives to Caliborn’s false victory: in all the alternate possibilities illuminated by the dream bubbles, we see that Calliope can naturally predominate over Caliborn, but not vice versa.

Alternate!Calliope strongly suggests to us that Calliope is inherently stronger than Caliborn, and she tells us that Calliope and Caliborn share the same strength: she tells us yet again that Calliope and Caliborn are two sides of the same coin.

She suggests to us that, in a sense, Calliope and Caliborn are just Calliope -- that Calmasis, upon achieving integration, will simply view herself as Calliope, and Caliborn will lose because he was never the true self.

So why, then, does Caliborn win in the alpha timeline? Is it just an arbitrary time loop, a timeline plucked from the frothing sea of paradox space and arbitrarily validated by the happenstance of the immature Caliborn’s power over time?

No, I certainly don’t think so; I’d like to think that the principle of AURYN applies even here. Caliborn wins out over Calliope because they’re Doing As They Will -- because, even on the level of our trans allegory, they both have reason to want Caliborn’s victory. Even on the level of our trans allegory, Calmasis needs to be Caliborn.

Alternate!Calliope tells us that she had to become strong because she had no-one else to comfort her, and I think suggests two important points of interest:

Firstly, that alt!Calliope serves to reflect Calliope’s inner drama, just as Calliope serves to reflect Caliborn’s inner drama. Caliborn fears and loathes the possibility of being like Calliope, the sentimental degenerate and weakling that she is, and Calliope fears and dreads the possibility of becoming alt!Calliope. Calliope fears that even if she rejects the hateful accusations that are Doc Scratch, and rejects the teleological future of Lord English, her only alternative is to be like alt!Calliope: someone who has won, and who has become herself, but at the cost of isolation, distance, and loneliness, without humanity, connection, or kindness.

In other words, Calliope fears her victory would mean her little green skull is always going to be a miserable Federal Fucking Issue, for herself and for others.

Secondly, that Calliope’s relationships with humans are in some sense the vector by which Caliborn came to dominate. Alt!Calliope won because she had no-one to take comfort in, and thus she had to be strong on her own, but I think the flip side of that is that alt!Calliope was able to be strong, because she had no relationships that could weaken her -- she was more insulated from the toxic ideas of the cultures that came before her. No one could so much as accidentally insinuate to her that she wasn’t good enough or pretty enough as she was, save perhaps for Caliborn -- and certainly Caliborn would have been malevolent, but he would have had less in the way of the language and systematic ideas to be the hateful and cultivated misogynist that he became in the alpha timeline.

In other words, alt!Calliope doesn’t have any reason whatsoever to worry about her little green skull in the first place.

But there’s another much more straightforward reason why Caliborn had to win, too:

If we’re supposed to take Calliope and Calliborn as two facets of a whole more generally, let alone as a specific trans allegory, well... they may have been two personas, or even two people, but they are confined to an existence as a single player. The cherub session likely never could been anything but a single player session; the cherub session was always going to be a dead session.

And whether it’s a fundamental fact of SBURB or just an idea in Calliope’s head -- one of the ideas she’s likely constructed with the human cultural biases she’s obtained by osmosis -- Caliborn is someone who can win a dead session, and Calliope isn’t. How could a Space player, a patient creative, succeed in a test of frantic, timed destruction? How could a passive Muse succeed where even an active Lord would struggle -- how could a woman succeed where even a man would struggle?

Only someone like Caliborn could ever possibly win. Perhaps Calliope reflects Caliborn as the person he desperately wishes he wasn’t, and she is the shadow that lies outside of his hateful and constructed self, but as a precarious supergiant hangs overhead and the light of Skaia gutters out, Caliborn reflects Calliope as the person she desperately needs to be, and he is the self she has to construct for herself.

Caliborn kills Calliope’s dreamself not just because he desperately hates her, but also because she has to allow him to supercede her, and he is the kind of person she needs to be: because SBURB is unfair, Skaia is unfair, and he can escape the desolate waste of her life, while she cannot.

And so it happens that Calliope is exiled from the real and cast to the unreality of the dream bubbles, while Caliborn grows monstrously beyond himself, self-mutilated and cancerous.

People have commented on the obvious romantic symbolism at play in Calliope’s return to life in the real...

...but it’s not just the power of a love that saves Calliope. Love is powerful and transformative, but love alone isn’t magical. It isn’t even the power of a magical macguffin ring that saves Calliope, either, because a ring is never just a ring, even when it is magical.

What redeems the possibility of Calliope’s existence is recognition and freedom.

TL;DR: ‘Caliborn’ is Calliope’s deadname.

#homestuck #calliope #trans calliope #homestuck analysis #homestuck meta #effortpost #self-indulgent complete bullshit

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atarahderek · 5 years ago

Text

Let’s talk about shipping: Moana and Zootopia

Zootopia and Moana are two of the more popular CGI entries to the Disney animated canon. They came out the same year, with Zootopia beating Moana out for best animated feature at the 2017 Academy Awards due to the fact that Zootopia dealt with some sensitive topics of modern day society while Moana more or less played it safe with the plot and subject matter. Both were buddy films depicting an unlikely friendship between a strong female protagonist and a comical but troubled male deuteragonist. And despite the fact that both films ended with each friendship pair remaining just friends, shipping inevitably happened. Nick/Judy (the ship name of which I don’t actually know) and Moana/Maui (called Moaui or Hooked Wayfinder) are both quite popular ships among Disney fans. Like all non-canon ships, they have some controversy surrounding them, mostly regarding whether making either pair an official couple would subvert the storyline, character development or message that were established in canon. For that reason, the issue of shipping in each fandom has created two main camps: Those who do and those who don’t. Those who don’t tend to stand firmly by their assertion that it would be detrimental to make Nick and Judy or Moana and Maui a couple. They prefer to treat each pair as platonic life partners, in part because their being so would avert the standard Disney coupling tropes. Especially in the case of Moana and Maui. Fans will sometimes ship one pair but not the other. In that case, the shipped pair is much more commonly Nick and Judy, as they are ship teased by the film’s writers and directors, and their interspecies relationship would make them stand out somewhat in the context of their story, especially with one being a predator and the other being prey. Moaui is shipped less frequently because fans don’t find as much payoff in that couple in terms of progressivism and virtue signalling. Basically, Moaui is just too plain vanilla for them, and they seem to think that’s a problem.

To those people, I say you just lack imagination. A couple doesn’t have to be a token to be interesting. Héctor and Imelda aren’t a token couple, but they’re quite interesting, and all of you will admit it (more on this later). Also, vanilla is delicious, so there.

As far as chemistry goes, Nick and Judy are identical to Moana and Maui. Both pairs start off as antagonistic to one another and eventually develop a true friendship over the course of their first adventure. Both even endure a plot-mandated friendship failure, a staple of Disney and Pixar films these past several years. Both end their films as good friends and nothing more. And both leave the future of their relationships entirely up to fan interpretation. Which is why I say that if you do or don’t ship either pair, more power to you. I can understand why you do or why you don’t.

For my part, I’m in one of the smallest camps; I ship Moaui, but not Nick/Judy.

I have two primary reasons for not shipping Nick and Judy:

They don’t need to be a couple. Zootopia is a modern metropolis identical in almost every way to American society. It is a melting pot of every mammalian species and culture in the world, with relationships of every type represented, including one that is both interspecies and same sex. So tick off the diversity box, those of you who are keeping score at home. About the only type of relationship we don’t see is between a predator and a prey species, but there’s absolutely no reason Nick and Judy must be that token couple. There is no pressure on either of them to find romance, be it in one another or in someone else entirely. For all we know, both are asexual and aromantic (I very much doubt that, but it could happen). And in the context of their society, there’s no reason they should be in any kind of relationship. Making them a couple wouldn’t really add anything to their characters or impact their society in a way that would be unique from any similar couple impacting it. Nick and Judy are free to remain best friends. And I like them better that way. That’s not to say there aren’t some adorable pieces of shippy fan art out there, as well as ship fics that are quite good. But I just don’t see any need to ship them myself.

Their careers get in the way. Nick and Judy are partners on the police force. And as long as they work in the same precinct, it’s best that they not become romantically involved. This is standard workplace practice for most police departments, because romantic relationships can get in the way of field work. Many other employers discourage couples from working in the exact same area as well. My employers actually go out of their way to assure that siblings, parent/child pairs, and couples never work in the same house. Allowing people who are that close to work just as closely could potentially lead to conflict, divided loyalty, distraction or, worst of all, an enemy exploiting the relationship. All of which could compromise a case or put lives in danger. If Nick and Judy were to start working separately in different precincts, then I could see them safely developing a relationship with little or no risk to their careers. But as things stand now, it’s just better that they don’t become romantically involved. Any story where they did would have to address this issue and find a realistic resolution for it.

I really have one primary reason for shipping Hooked Wayfinder, and it’s basically the opposite of my first point for not shipping Nick and Judy. And it focuses mostly on Moana herself:

Moana will get married someday. And in my opinion, Maui would make the best match for her. I already explained the relationship dynamic that they would have in an earlier head canon meme I wrote. I believe Moana and Maui’s marriage would be one of political and social convenience, and they’d treat it like a friends-with-benefits situation. As heiress to the position of Motonui chieftain, Moana would be expected to strike a good match that would establish her as a strong leader with a lot of influence, especially when dealing with any other people whom the people of Motonui meet on their voyages. And because Moana’s people have been declining in population, Moana will be expected to have kids and keep the line of chieftains going strong. Basically, Moana’s situation is almost polar opposite to Nick and Judy’s situation. There is a lot of pressure on her to marry and have kids, and it’s downright unrealistic of her to not end up married with a family. Her cultural context won’t allow her to pull a Merida (even in Merida’s case, she was granted an extension of time and the right to choose her suitor; she is still obligated to eventually marry). But this is Moana we’re talking about. She wants to prove herself as a leader, and she would not be the type to tolerate an obligatory husband stealing her spotlight. She needs a man who will support her as her people’s leader, who will be there to act as added muscle if someone challenges her (but only if she needs him to), and who will generally let her be herself. Maui is the only man she knows who would be willing to do all of that. Yes, he’s hammy, but he wouldn’t steal Moana’s thunder as a leader. Just as a performer. And Moana can live with that. Moana would definitely take the lead in the relationship, as her position as chief allows her to do that, even over a demigod. Maui’s been absent for the last millennium and was the cause of their recent problems to begin with, so he doesn’t carry a whole lot of authority with Moana’s people. Marrying Moana would actually give some of that authority back to him. But he would still be her second, not the other way around. True, they are no token couple, but they are still an interesting one. It’s unusual in media to show the wife as the one who is front and center in the relationship without making her seem naggy or otherwise unrealistic.

A good example of such a couple is Héctor and Imelda from Pixar’s Coco. Yes, Imelda has a fiery temper, and can come across as nagging or the type who would treat Héctor like a whipped puppy (Ernesto almost certainly accused Héctor of being such at some point). But in every single one of their interactions as a couple (when they’re not estranged, that is), it is shown that Héctor and Imelda are nothing but the best team a married couple can be. She’s the alpha to his beta, but she doesn’t nag him or treat him as subservient in any way, form or manner. And he fully supports her out of genuine love and not a trace of fear. He is completely dedicated to her, even though she played a not-insignificant role in his nearly being forgotten. They are just as compelling as a couple as they are as individual characters.

But those two are also more traditionally romantic (i.e. sappy). Moana and Maui wouldn’t be that type of couple. Maybe they’d wax romantic every now and again, but their focus would be on their relationship as a leadership team. They’d bicker and joke much the same way siblings would. They would definitely be family, and they would definitely enjoy the more carnal aspects of their married relationship. But they wouldn’t be singing cheesy love ballads to one another or making out in front of the kids (unless it was to very deliberately embarrass them). Their marriage wouldn’t cause them to lose any of the chemistry they had in the film, and would actually add an interesting component to that chemistry. They would have a relationship unlike any seen in Disney so far, and I think it could really add to their characters and their storyline.

In the case of either movie, I would be just as content with a Zootopia sequel that made Nick and Judy an official couple as I would with a Moana sequel that made Moana and Maui an official couple--so long as it’s done right. I don’t think any fan would be happy if either of these power teams became strangled by the red string.

#Disney #shipping #Zootopia #Moana #Hooked Wayfinder #Moaui #Judy/Nick #Wilde Hopps #or whatever you want to name their ship #TV Tropes

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