#this is the most incoherent post I’ve ever made

[chibishortdeath]

Hmmm I kinda want to make a side blog for RPG Maker game development related things to be able to talk to more experienced people in that community, but at the same time I both don’t really think I’d get much attention and don’t want to accidentally spoil my own game (^^ ; ).

I have a rough story, concept doodles, a tileset, some character sprites, an enemy that walks around but can’t initiate battle yet (if I even decide to have a battle system), a couple rooms with some events, and a functioning run button, but I’m still lost on how to do much else at the moment. Especially since this program has the ability for scripting, meaning I’ll probably have to learn and actually retain another coding language.

So, I’m not very far at all lol. Idk how well that’d go over on the established fandom website, but eh.

[neonovember]

Hello, uhm, so this MAY be an uncomfortable thing to request I’m not too sure. It’s totally totally okay if it is absolutely feel free to ignore this, but the way you write Carmen is so so comforting. I have this neighbor that lives downstairs from me, I’ve lived in my apartment for two years but the past 4 months with this guy has been hell. I live in the U.K. and the people that own the building and the police don’t view my situation as anything dangerous or serious, despite the fact I have made numerous complaints and even the other neighbors in my building have complained about him. But he targets me the most and bangs on my door at ungodly hours and threatens the most horrible stuff because I’m a woman living alone. I’m honestly terrified but unless he physically does something there’s nothing I can do. I’m sorry for the sob story but usually I always try and just picture Carmy as something comforting to help through this until I can be safe, would it be okay to request something like Carmen finding out about his gf losing sleep and constantly being terrified and deciding to take matters into his own hands, and demanding she moves in with him and helps pack her stuff because he will NOT stand for that shit (again totally 100% okay if you don’t feel comfortable responding)

oh my god anon, I'm so deeply sorry that you have to deal with such a shitty situation, and the fact that you have to wait to be physically attacked before the police can do anything? Fuck the justice system and fuck law enforcement. Don't every feel scared to send a request to make your day or week or fucking month better, it's why I'm here, and the fact that my writing can make you feel even a little better is the greatest gift i could ever ask for. God I just hope you're able to remain safe, call a friend or family to keep them posted in case anything happens, I'm so very sorry honey :(

Broken bones and soup

carmen berzatto x reader

warnings: misogyny, violence, feral!carmen makes an appearence, angst, horrible neighbours, angst, teeth rotting fluff, carmy feeding you

w/c: 5.3k

a/n: this was hard to write, i really wanted to do it right by you anon, and when have i ever written carmen without him breaking someones face?

The falling sun encapsulated the cerulean sky, exploding against the horizon in heated shades of orange, crimson and pink. The trail back to your apartment complex wasn’t long, but it gave enough time to bask in the warmth of evenings bathed in sunlight. It also conveniently enabled you to tell yourself you had gotten your sun for the day, rather than having to swallow pills you hated to swallow.

It was muscle memory however, your legs moved with the familiar comfort of the sidewalk, forgetting the stomach turning realisation of what had awaited you back at your apartment. 

It had been a couple months, four maybe 5, you didn’t really want to count the days having a violent neighbour moved in directly down your apartment. The other tenants who you've grown to know collectively bristled with the annoyance of a 30 something year old filling the usual peaceful nights with crashes and yells of broken plates and incoherent obscenities. 

When you had raised the issue to the landlord and even to the police, you had been shut down with a shrug of the shoulders. 

‘We can notice him with a noise complaint, but if he aint hurting anyone we can’t do much’. 

That had made you laugh a little then, before you had been close to bawling your eyes out and ripping out your hair. Sure he was loud, your neighbours from the other side of the apartment complex could attest to that, but it was so much more than loud fucking music, and somehow, you had bared the brunt of his violence. It was targeted, you knew it, and your legs began to shuffle at the thought of coming home to another violent outbursts at your door. 

You hadn't gotten any proper sleep for the past 4 months, waking up to loud banging at your door, and declarations of brutality he whispered through your keyhole. It was all empty threats, those men in clad uniform had told you when you woke up shaking with fear as he screamed taunts of murder from below, you had run out in your pyjamas and bunny slippers and they had told you they couldn't help you. 

There were not empty threats, and this wasn’t the hundreds of true crime shows you had binged, you felt it in your bones, you were a woman living with yourself for god sake, he was going to break down your door one day and hurt you, and you couldn't do anything about it. You felt paralysed by the helplessness of it, forcing yourself to stay up past 12, the burn of your tired eyes forced open by the blue light of your phone, in case he tried breaking in. You had begun to keep a bat near your bed, a knife in the drawer of your bedside, and you felt fucking insane. Noone had made a major problem out of it, and yet you felt like he was one bad day from a murderous rampage.

Carmen could tell something had been wearing on your shoulders, the way your eyes blinked slowly, and the syrup slow movements of your limbs when you had visited the Beef not long ago. You couldn't bear to tell him, your past relationships had taught you enough not to unload all your problems onto another person, but it had gotten bad. You had started getting notices of concern from your boss, asking if you were alright, telling you how your performance had been declining.

You had quickly shut down any looks of concern thrown at you, this was something you had to deal with yourself, you didn’t want anyone, especially another woman to be faced with the brunt of his violence. You guzzled caffeine and energy drinks like it was water, and your limbs jittered with the rush of adrenaline until the peak had dropped and you felt like your stomach was ripping itself apart.

You braced yourself as you turned the corner into your apartment complex, keeping your head down, and going through the carpack to avoid the hallway that was right next to his door. You felt your stomach drop, your keys pressed between your knuckles and you flickered your eyes up to the door of his apartment. You watched it like a hawk, ready to flee at any sign of opening, and when you had finally made it to the elevator, you breathed a sigh of relief like no other. The air suddenly fills your lungs once again.

Your phone buzzed in your jean pocket, and you reached out to grab it, the screen illuminated by Carmen’s text. You felt a tingle of glee shoot through you, biting back a smile at the thought of seeing him today.

“You still coming today for the family dinner?”

The beef had begun a sort of tradition, every last Friday of the month, they would close early and hold a sort of family dinner right out back near the tables and chairs. Everyone of the crew’s family and friends were invited to join, some bringing a plate or a drink or two. It was the highlight of the month, and you hadn't missed a Friday ever since Carmen and you had become something more than close friends.

You typed out a quick reply with a tongue in your cheek, as the elevator doors opened, you didn't look up right away, walking with your head down as you tucked your phone back into your pocket. It was a fault on your end, you should have looked up, at least then you could have braced yourself as your neighbour stood stationed near your door with a cheshire smile stretching ominously across his face. 

You wondered if you could run back into the elevator, but the doors had closed well before and you feared turning your back to him was an even worse fate. You walked towards him, plastering on a smile that didn't look even a little believable.

“Something I can do for you?” You ask, your voice heightened by a mix of fear and false confidence

“Hear you've been complaining about me” The man replies with a smile, his hair slicked back, the shadow of a badly shaven skin spiking up. His shirt reeks of sweat and stains of spilt takeaway and you have to take a tentative step back to escape the stench radiating off of him.

“Yeah, you might not realise it, but you have been a bit- uh loud, and the loud banging on my walls?” You prouch him, and his eyebrows rise in surprise, shaking his head with a laugh that horrified you.

“Am I scaring you?” The man replies 

You swallow as your eyes flicker to his burnt hazel ones, they stare down from above, almost mocking in the way they forced you to answer.

“Uh, uhm- well, a lot of us got work in the morning, and I can’t wake up if you're making a lot of noise during the night”

“Oh, is that right?” The man asks, scratching a hand across his jaw

“Well no one's been the one complaining but you” The man replies

“I don't think so many of us-”

“You saying I’m a liar??” The man suddenly shouts, and you can help yourself stepping back a distance quickly

The man watches the way you distance yourself away from him, his eyes flicker to the keys poking out from between your fingers and he bites back a laugh.

“So you are scared of me, liar.” The man spits out with venom, before stepping towards you, caging you to the wall as he whispers near your ear

“You think fucking keys are going to stop me? A little lady like you living here all by yourself?” The man digs his fingers into your sides, until you howl out and retch yourself away from him, you reach for your right side, holding the skin above your rib cage that had begun to swell and bruise.

“See how easy that was? A fucking pretzel in my hand” The man calls out with a smile, before walking back around the hallway corner with such ease and comfort that told you he knew the police wouldnt do shit.

Your hand shakes as you shove your key into your door, you have to hold your own hand to put it in, before shouldering your way through your door with wince, and dropping your bag and belongings to the floor.

You rush into your bathroom, undressing before your eyes flicker to your mirror, seeing the red rash of irritation and the start of a purple imprint of his claws shoved into the skin below your ribcage. You wince as you try to soothe it, the salty tears breaking down your waterline, you can't stop, the wretched sobs of your helplessness echoing off the bathroom walls.

You climb into the shower, sliding down to the bottom as the tears shake through you, you hug your knees to your chest, letting the warm water combine with your salty tears, so they become one, and you know longer now how terrified you are. You stay in the shower like this for a bit, letting the warmth and steam wiggle your body from its stone encapsulation.

You can hear the familiar jingle of your phone ringing from where you had haphazardly left it, and the memory of today's dinner comes rushing in. You had nearly forgotten, and whilst you were terrified to leave your home and go back into the hallway where it had happened, you couldn't let Carmen down.

So you had gotten up, in the same way you had fallen down, and tried to scrub away the smell of his day-old cigarettes and sweat until your skin burned, poking your head through a clean shirt and a skirt that hid the painful purple splotch that had begun to spread across your side.

Entering your quaint kitchen, you can’t stop your arm as it reaches for the brown liquid stored in that old glass bottle Sugar had told you was a century old. You didn't have a little liquid courage to make it past your goddamn threshold.

You downed it in a gulp, reaching for your bag and a pocket knife, just in case. The reality of that decision broke you a little, when did you start needing to armour yourself?

Your phone buzzed from its position edged between the living room couch, it was Carmen, again, telling you he was outside. Carmen had begun to ceremoniously show up to your apartment as the autumn had begun to bleed into the winter nights, and the sunlight had stretched until darkness hit by 5 in the afternoon. Any other time you would have chastised him till the point where he would stop, but now, with the reality of your neighbour, you felt a relief wash through your body at the thought of being close to him. You also don’t doubt he would have shown up anyway, ignoring your requests in the way he does when he thinks it's his responsibility.

You wouldnt say you had a lot of experience in relationships under your belt, but something spoke to you from within, carmen was something special, this was special, sacred in the way destiny was, and you shooke with the relentless fear of fucking it up. And scaring him away with your problems seemed to be on the very top of that list

You shake the thought from your head as you shut the door quietly, take a brisk pace as you walk but kind of run to the elevator. A neighbour you knew well stood near the doors, his dark auburn hair falling in front of his eyes, he nodded to you with a silent smile. He kept to himself most of the time, and you didn't know much about him, just that he always was tugging a sleeve down his left arm, but he always went out of his way to give you some sort of greeting.

The air between you was silent, as you were waiting for the ping of the elevator to drop to your door, and you heard a shuffling near you, your eyes watching the way he coughed and stared at you from the corner of your peripheral vision.

“Heard something out in the hallway, it wasn’t him again was it?” The man replied, concerned about lacing his features as his eyes seemed to be fixated on the way you leaned on one side of your body a little.

“Uh no, it’s- it’s alright, I guess it was my dues you know? Dealing with a shitty neighbour at least once” You reply with a tight smile, trying to poke fun at the very depressing thought.

The man nodded with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes, your neighbours had known that he was loud, knew that you had dealt the worst of it being right above him, but they were clueless to his taunts and threats that he said into your door at night. You think the man next to you had an idea though, the way his eyes scanned anything like he was always assessing, always calculating the world around him. 

It was also because your neighbour was nowhere to be found whenever he was around, you whispered a prayer of thanks that he was taking the elevator down with you, with his sweatpants and top, it was like he knew, a silent nod of protection.

Before you could open your mouth to whisper a thanks, the doors of the elevator had opened, a tired mom and her two energetic kids passed between you both. It was funny, you could see yourself in her, the drag of dark circles and the hunch of her shoulders mirroring your own. 

You knew the very shakily painted on makeup did little to hide the exhaustion on your face and you rushed to enter the elevator to escape the thought. The motion of the elevator moving down nauseated you a little, churning your stomach in the way it always did with motion, but your apartment wasn’t big and soon enough the music of the elevator turned to a halt as the doors opened up to the ground floor.

You could see the headlights of Carmen's car through the automatic doors of your complex, and you gave your neighbour a smile before rushing to jump into the comfort of Carmen and his very, very warm car.

-- -

The car ride to the beef has been silent, just the syrupy beat of jazz from the car speakers and the burn of Carmen’s gaze searing a hole through you, you feared if you caught his eyes and the look in them the entire interaction today would tumble from your tongue.

You couldn’t ruin today, it was tradition, you had just begun to become folded into it. The joy of Tina calling your name for a hug, the talks about the new pastry ideas with Marcus, Sydney’s laughter, it soothes you like a balm, and you were sure the nausea crawling through your stomach would dissipate the second you entered.

But it didn’t, the beautiful lantern lights from outside the Beef glittered against the Chicago moonlight and the smell of Italian meatballs engulfed your senses and you still felt like you were being ripped apart from the inside.

You had said your hellos to everyone, biting back a yelp as Tina’s hand pressed against the bruise on your side, and nodding to Richie’s rambles whilst you felt outside of your own skin.

Your mind kept replaying the scene of him lunging st you, bristling your skin till goosebumps spread through, until your mind was exhausted from fear and well, fucking exhaustion and Carmen had to call your name too many times to rip you from your thoughts.

“Hey, you alright?” Carmen asks with that soft honey tone he keeps for you.

You nod with a smile, and Carmen’s eyes shift towards your plate untouched. It was your favourite, a twist on Osso Buco and yet it laid un moving, Carmen knew it, you did too, and you held back tears as Carmen simply nodded, not sure if he was overstepping his boundaries.

It was the first lick of the start of something, the both of you, the bloom of a companionship Carmen felt was destined, like it was seared into the sand years before you both had even come into existence. And Carmen was new to this, and that opened up a whole can of worms, he didn’t want to fuck it up, he didn’t want to think about fucking it up, but god did he always seem to fuck it up.

You reached across the table to grab the jar of water, your shirt riding up without you noticing. Tina’s eyes widen at the peek of a purple imprint from under your shirt and she has nearly drops her fucking fork

“Baby? What happened to your side?” Tina replies with concern, her voice is quiet but the tables loud boisterous conversations begin to slow down.

You tug your shirt down, and you burn with guilt like you had been caught with this big secret. Carmen immediately looks towards your side, his eyes scanning the way you since a little as your finger brushes against it.

“Nothing, uh um I fell” You don't even believe yourself

“That looks more than something you get tripping over your feet darling, did something happen?”

“What? What’s she saying honey? What did you see Tina?” Tina’s gaze flutters to Carmen, and there’s a pause like she’s assessing whether it was Carmen’s doing before the reality of who he is hits her. It was ingrained in every woman, and Carmen wouldn’t be an exception. Even for a second.

“Looks like someone’s goddam fist imprinted into her skin” 

The restaurant is completely quiet now, and your head falls to your uneaten plate of veal, they look towards you in concern hearing the end of Tina’s words.

Carmen lifts your shirt, and you don’t stop him, the reality of your attack is shown right there in front of him, the imprint of a large hand bruising purple and blue.

Carmen’s eyes burn into the skin, his fists shaking as he remains silent, the rest of the family look on in horror, whispers of “holy fuck?” and eyes seeing the way Carmen practically vibrates, like he’s a second away from exploding.

“..Who did this?”

“It was my fault- I”

“Who did this baby? Who hurt you?” Carmen replies with an exhaled murmur.

“I’m, uh, Uhm- he- oh Carmen” You can’t get the words out, they’re stuck in your throat and you can’t get them out. You feel trapped, your body is sweating like you’re caged, like you're wading through a current and you're losing yourself to the weight of it, your breakdown on display for the whole world to see.

You blink back tears as Carmen tilts your chin to face him, and the look on his face, the look of distraught and fear that blossoms across his features un tetheres the tightly wrapped self control you had formed.

And Carmen scoops you up into his arms so that the entire family doesn’t have to see you break into his shoulder.

His soothing words are like a balm to your distress and he walks you, bridal style to the first aid cabinet, sitting you down on the counter, wiping away your tears as his fingers shake and his throat bobs with a tight swallow. He hastily tugs your shirt, kissing back the howls of pain as he whispers “I know, I know baby girl, I’m so sorry, I’m so so sorry.”

His soft fingers press gently against the bruise as he rubs a heating ointment across it, he wraps a warm compress around it as bandage and his eyes are avoiding your own as he focuses his fingers on your skin.

“Carmen?” You whisper, the hiccups of tears resounding from your throat, Carmen reaches for a painkiller, placing it in your palm with a whisper of affirmation, he gently tips your head back as he pours water into your mouth, and you swallow it quickly, before looking back at him.

“Carmen? Please” You reply, had you done it, had you ruined everything?

“I can’t look at you because I fear I might break, and- and I can’t right now okay darling? I have to find, I have to find who did this, and I need to make it right, hm? I need to make sure your safe because god my heart is outside of my chest and I can’t feel anything but fear” Carmen replies with a tight low voice, his fists shake as he pressed them into the counter beside your thighs, but he looks up to meet your gaze anyway, and he smiles tightly as the tears stream down.

“Oh Carmen, this isn't on you, you couldn't have possibly known” You reply, wiping a hand across his cheeks.

“How can you say that? I am your, I am meant to protect you, and you, you come limping in without me noticing, fucking Tina saw it before I could, and i hate myself for it” Carmen replies, his cerulean blues shining bright against the shine of tears.

“Who did this, someone at work? A guy on the street?” Carmen replies and you flick away from his gaze, hand falling to your lap as your tongue burns with the desire to just say it all.

“You've got to tell me baby girl, you have to know I've got to make it right, I won’t sleep till I do. '' Carmen replies with a pained cry, like his heart is breaking from the thought of letting this go un avenged. And it's the tortured look on his face, it's the shake of his limbs like he wants to destroy and burn the entire world around him till he finds whoever has done this that uncurls your tongue and lets everything out in the open.

“What? This has been going on for months? Why didn’t you tell me?” Carmen replies, his thumb rubbing soft circles across your thigh.

“Didn’t want to scare you away Carmen, i love-i I like you a lot, more than I have anyone and I didn't want to fuck it up and unload all my problems onto you like a dumpster” You reply, and it sounds stupid when you say it out loud, and when Carmen looks up at you in disbelieved confusion.

“Huh? Oh sweet girl, I’m meant to help you bear it all, that’s why I'm here, and the idea of you thinking I'll love you any less, that I won't help you because of something like this haunts me. I’m meant to protect you yeah? That’s my fucking job, and I’ve failed it” Carmen replies with a grunt.

“No one has said anything like that to me” You say, eyes looking up to him, you weren't shocked, but you weren't, were not shocked, never had you experienced this, this burning adoration for another person, this soft warmth that burst through you at the sound of Carmen's voice promising his devotion, promising his unyielding protection. It armoured you more than a pocket knife ever could.

Carmen presses a soft kiss to your head, before shuffling around the kitchen, walking back into the dining tables, hushing out replies of ‘she's okay’ before coming back in with your things under his arm.

“What are you doing?” You reply in question, as he slowly picks you up with an arm, and gently places you back down. His eyes are constantly flickering to your side, like he’s torturing himself with the image of the first time he saw the horrific bruise across your side.

He had never felt true fear until then, the shatter of his heart beneath his breast as he realises you had gotten hurt and he didn't even fucking realise. Nothing had mattered but your safety and he scared himself with how much his body shook with a desire to destroy the person responsible.

“I’m driving back to your apartment, where you're going to grab your necessities, whilst I pay a visit to your little neighbour downstairs. You’re staying with me, for however long,” Carmen replies with a sneer, walking you through the back door, which you were all too thankful for, you couldn't bear to see the look on the crew’s faces if you had to walk back in.

“Carmen you can’t” You reply rushed, as Carmen slid you into the passenger seat, before clicking on your seat belt for you. He cocks his head, before raising his eyebrows

“Oh, I can’t? Honey, the police don’t do their job and my baby get’s fucking hurt. Nah, that doesn't work for me” Carmen replies, before rushing to enter the driver's seat, shifting the gear into drive before speeding down the city streets. 

His focused on the road, his face unblinking and he grips the steering wheel until his knuckles turn white, you can’t stop looking at him, his gorgeous under the moonlight of the skies, his cheeks crimson from his tears, his cerulean blues calling to you like the sea, and the curl of his blonde hair falling like waves.

The view of your apartment complex comes into your vision as Carmen turns into the carpark in one swift move, you can’t stop the shake of your fingers and Carmen wants to slam his first into the steering wheel when he notices.

“You alright?” Carmen replies “You can stay here, I’ll grab whatever you need”

You want to stay, want to remain in the safety of his sleek tinted windows, but you want to face it too, and somehow that need is more important, he doesn’t get to win, no fucking way.

You unclip your seat belt, opening the door as you turn to him “You going to show me how you protect me or what?”

Carmen bites back a smile, god he was so fucking proud. He could tell you were scared shit less, and yet you fought through that fear, and god you mesmerised him. You were stronger than he could ever be, and he wanted to take that burden from you, carry it himself so you didn't have to.

Carmen jogs to the back of the car, reaching into the boot before the clunk of wood on gravel meets your ears. Carmen nods towards you, as he grips a bat under his arm

“He puts a bruise on you and i break all his fucking bones” Carmen replies, and you can’t stop the joy that image brings you

Carmen walks you to your apartment, waiting outside like a hawk, his bat tight against his grip as he watches the hallways, and for the first time in what seemed like forever, you feel infinitly and utterly safe.

You throw your toiletries into a bag, grabbing a few nights of clothes and your work shoes. You eyes flicker around your apartment, it had been home to you for the past 4 years, and yet it felt so foreign to you now, you had grown to attest this place, this place you had filled with so much of yourself, and you hate him so much at that moment, for making you feel this way about a place you had once loved.

You leave your apartment with the door shut closed.

Carmen carries your bag and places them back into the back seat of the car, and as he begins to walk towards the apartment of your neighbour you reach a hand out to stop him.

“Honey, I’ve got to-” Carmen begins before you shut him quickly

“I want to watch” You reply quietly, and Carmen’s eyes flicker, before lacing his fingers into yours, as you both knock on his door.

There's a grumble before the clank of a chain slides open, and his face appears as the door opens to him, you can see the illuminated light of his TV glaring, the floor covered with pizza boxes and beer cans. You see in real time, how his face morphs from anger into fear, his eyes dropping as he sees the way Carmen practically shakes, and the man isn’t able to let out a word, a protest or wail of a plea before the crack of Carmen's wooden bat swings through the air.

-- -

“Are you sure he isn't dead?” You reply, as you dip a washcloth into warm water, wiping away the blood across Carmen’s neck

“He isn’t going to die if I wasn’t the one causing it, besides, if he does, that’s God finishing off the rest of it”. Carmen replies, raising his face so that you cleaned the last of the streaks of blood splattered across his jaw.

Carmen reaches for your hands, pressing a kiss to the top of them as he looks at you in that way like he yearns for you to be closer. 

“You need sleep, but first you need to eat, yeah?” Carmen replies, shushing your protests and he carries you to his room in his arms, after he notices the exhaustion in your limbs. It’s dark, illuminated only by the wall to ceiling windows that look into the busy city streets and light up sky scrapers. 

The sheets are strewn across the bed, haphazard like Carmen had rushed to get them off of him in the early mornings. Carmen slides you into them, tucking you within the soft pillowy blanket, sitting on the edge as he caresses your cheek softly.

He leaves for a moment, rushing to make you something to eat, his skin crawling with a need to feel you against him, nearly tripping over himself as he walks back into his room with a bowl of soup and a bottle of water.

Carmen sits next to you again, pressing spoonfuls of soup into your mouth and wiping the edges ceremoniously as you rest against the headboard half asleep. 

You don’t notice the way he looks at you, like he's trying to memorise every dip and curve of your face, his fingers clutching the spoon tight like he’s going to break if he doesn't hold you against him.

“Honey?” Carmen replies hushed

“Hmh?” You reply, your eyes heavy as the comfort of Carmen's warmth spreads through you.

“Don’t ever scare me like that again, you tell me everything okay? Everything” Carmen replies pained, like the events that transpired somehow still were not resolved, like breaking the man's legs wasn't enough for him.

“Okay” You reply, and Carmen places the dishes onto the bedside table, leaving it to the morning because he can't keep you away from him any longer.

Carmen joins you in the bed, the left side of his bed finally taken by somebody for the first time in a long time. Tugging you against him, Carmen curls your body to lay against his chest, his fingers softly gracing your back, soft circles that had begun to lull you to a sleep you hadn’t felt in months, years even.

The beat of Carmen's heart joins with yours, together and entwined like how it was always meant to be, why had Carmen waited so long? Why had he let time pass without you tucked under him, safe within his arms and away from all the horrors of the world.

It’s only when Carmen notices the shift in your breathing, falling into a soft exhale before he even lets the whispers of sleep grip him within its grasps, his shoulders finally release from its tensed state once he knows you've finally fallen into a sleep that had been kept from you.

“You don’t know how much I love you baby girl, it fucking scares me, but I’ll keep reminding you until infinity if I have to, until you know it deep down like I do” Carmen mumbles out, his eyes falling heavy and you grips you against his chest.

You don’t really know how, but even between the state of sleep and consciousness, you hear him, and you whisper between the space in your bodies, that you already do.

[utilitycaster]

Hi! Hope you don’t mind me asking but, I’ve seen you comment about a “fjord moon” theory every so often in your tags, and I’m quite curious what’s it about? I don’t think I’ve ever heard about it, is it something more prevalent in twitter spaces?

It started in Reddit spaces but it had a moment within the fandom at large during Campaign 2, especially after a YouTube video surfaced shortly after the campaign had come back from hiatus in August 2020. It hasn't come up lately since Campaign 3's plot pretty thoroughly debunked it, which wasn't necessary for reasons I will cover below.

I talked about how stupid it was at the time, and will do so again but I don't feel like looking back through my archives to find that post, so: the idea was that Fjord was from Ruidus. I call it a theory because its creators called it a theory but it was really just a lot of incoherent yelling that unfortunately happened to fall into the hands of a prolific and popular but talentless video maker and was boosted by a prolific and popular but deeply stupid figure on CR Twitter.

You can read it here but in short he basis was that Fjord was actually a Spelljammer Space Orc (Scro; yes this is just Orcs backwards; Spelljammer is not exactly the most brilliant of concepts) because he was intelligent and walked upright, ignoring that Spelljammer was, at the time, from D&D 2e only which can generously be described as "wicked racist in the depiction of orcs". Not that 5e is not without its foibles, but it had largely 86-ed the worst of the racism that pervaded earlier orc depictions. Also Garthok pre-dated Fjord and was a half-orc with the same intelligence, but what are facts to an idiot. So anyway this guy working off a deeply racist older concept for orcs spun this into a wild conspiracy theory involving the fact that Travis likes Dragonball Z; something about the film Spaceballs (as far as I know Travis has said absolutely nothing about this, this is just that the Mel Brooks Star Wars parody and my personal childhood favorite Spaceballs exists I think?) and various other random pulls from science fiction media. This guy asked a question at a panel and mistook the cast looking at him like he had lost the plot as a sign he was onto something. Somehow, people listened to him.

Here's the thing about theorycraft. It is more important, in writing a theory, that you base it on evidence than that you get it correct. Any dipshit can guess and any lucky dipshit can guess correctly, but if you show that you can't structure an argument for beans, anyone who can structure an argument for beans will rightfully look at you and say "well, they predicted something once, but that's a fucking fluke because they're a fucking joke." Theories should explain something that needs explanation (Fjord having an INT of 14 and the name Fjord and being an orphan does not). They should not solely rest on things the cast likes or things that merely exist in-world and certainly not from Spaceballs and Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, the connection of which to Critical Role in that Reddit post is not explained, ever.

To give some examples of good, mediocre, and bad but at least not nearly that bad theorycraft: the theory that Ashton was a meteor that was around early in C3 is in my mind not very good, but at least it fits within Exandria canon and explained something about Ashton needing explanation at the time. The theory that The Emissary is the source of the stasis bubbles is in my mind a very good one explaining several key mysteries (source of stasis bubbles; why Erathis sent him rather than coming himself). The theory that Bor'Dor was a dog was fucking stupid and made no sense nor did it explain anything that needed explanation (and also wildly misjudged how border collies behave) but did at least not say "also, the TV show Lassie...exists in our reality, and this is evidence" The Fjord Moon Theory is maybe the stupidest and worst CR theory I've seen in my entire life, and it's up there for fandom theories over all. I get that it was August 2020 and I don't begrudge people who were very bored and scared from joking about it while not taking it seriously, but I do begrudge those who did take it seriously because like, come on.

Anyway, I bring it up in tags sometimes because many of the worst C3 takes on Twitter that make it to me via "can you fucking believe this" screenshots in the groupchat are either started or propagated by Former Moon Theory People.

[pedrospatch]

a safe haven l chapter eight sneak peek

A/N: it’s been a hot minute since I’ve posted an official sneak peek for this series. I was kind of surprised that most people voted for a snippet of this one, I really thought it would be the PD fic. But I’m glad that this lil series of mine is still one people want to read. There’s a few people out there rooting for these babies and to those few people: thank you for motivating me to see this one through to the end. Few more chapters to go!

*this is from the beginning of the chapter before shit starts to hit the fan so let’s enjoy the good while it lasts! also, I made sure to post a hefty snippet because this chapter is going for 9k 👀

“The water isn’t too hot, is it?” You asked, running the wet washcloth over his chest and neck, careful not to take it near his bandaged shoulder. Leaning over the side of the tub, a lock of hair fell loose out of your ponytail and Joel was quick to lift his hand out of the water, tucking it behind your ear.

“It’s perfect,” he murmured, his hand grazing your cheek, the water dripping off of his arm landing on your blouse, soaking through the material. “Looks like you’re gonna have to take that shirt off, Peach. I got you wet,” Joel couldn’t help but chuckle a bit at his own terrible innuendo.

“Unbelievable! I just pulled a bullet out of you, and you’re already thinking of getting me naked?” You teased him with a little giggle. “Oh and by the way I hope you know that there will be none of that for a while, not until you’re all healed up. Got it?”

His face fell. “You serious? But you said it could be four to six weeks until my shoulder heals—how am I supposed to go that long without touchin’ you?”

“I’m sure you’ll find a way to survive, Miller.”

Joel grumbled incoherently under his breath.

Chuckling, you leaned over and pressed a delicate kiss to his right temple. Your lips lingered over the small jagged scar, causing him to shudder slightly.

“You were right about Ellie,” You murmured softly against his skin. “You were right to warn me about her.”

He frowned. “She confronted you ‘bout us?”

Pulling away from him, you nodded.

“Earlier at the stables, before Tommy showed up.”

Joel grimaced.

“Might regret askin’ this, but what did she say?”

You chewed nervously on your bottom lip.

“She wants me to leave Luke.”

He raised an eyebrow. “She did? What else did she say?”

“That the three of us could be a family. She said it wasn’t that complicated—all I had to do was pack up my things, take off the ring and leave him. Said I could move in here with you two.” You paused to let out a small, breathless laugh. “I told her I would love that more than anything in the world, but that it’s not possible. I can’t leave him.”

His jaw clenched. “Because he won’t let you.”

You couldn’t help but laugh again.

Like father, like daughter.

Joel and Ellie were cut from the same damn cloth.

“Joel, I love you. And I love Ellie, too. You two have made me so, so happy,” You told him, softly. “Ever since I met you both, something in me changed. It was like I had forgotten what it felt like to love, and to be loved. That part of me, I thought it was dead and buried, but you two brought it back to life.”

“You belong with us, Peach. Your place is with us. Your home is with us, not with Luke.”

“I know,” You whispered. “I know that, Joel.”

Joel sat up straight in the tub, wincing slightly. He was really starting to feel the pain in his shoulder.

“Joel, stop. Come on, you need to take it easy.”

Placing your hands on his chest, you tried to push him back, but Joel’s hand reached up and caught one of your wrists, his fingers curling around it.

“Whatever you’re afraid of—”

“Joel, please,” You whispered, thickly. “Don’t.”

“You ain’t gotta be afraid, baby. I can protect you. I can keep you safe.” His thumb lightly caressed the thin, delicate skin on the inside of your wrist as his eyes met yours. “I can keep you safe. I wouldn’t let anythin’ bad happen to you. Neither would the kid. She loves you too damn much.”

You swallowed back the lump in your throat.

Lifting your wrist, Joel planted a gentle kiss on the inside of it, your pulse strong under his lips.

“Me and Ellie, you’ll be alright with us.”

A long, heavy sigh escaped you. “I know that.”

“Then? What’s stoppin’ you?”

You sighed again.

“Just—just give me time so I can figure things out, okay? If I have it my way, I’ll be living here with you and Ellie before winter comes around.”

[chaoticace2005]

I think about Angel a lot. And rn I'm thinking about Angel going through a period of hypermasculinity after he rids himself of his contract with Valentino. I can't imagine that as a man from the environment he was in when he was alive, that his style is something he brought WITH HIM to Hell. Sure, his favorite color being pink isn't a new development, but I think the skimpy outfits and short skirts and cleavage showing shirts and dresses that cling a bit too tight are probably a combined product of defiance of the values his father held so dear, genuine interest in trying more feminine fashion, and Valentino forcing a certain type of image on him (whether directly or as a result of certain expectations/coming mechanism for the situations he put Angel in).

So I can imagine Angel going through this self imposed hyperfeminity to distance himself from the bad thoughts and feelings and situations, followed by hypermasculinity because after being forced to be, the idea of femininity becomes nauseating and just laced with the bad memories and sensations, followed by healing and rediscovery of what made the femininity feel good in the first place. Recontextualizing it. Finding ways he can enjoy it so that it's different from before. And maybe he never gets comfortable enough to wear certain things again, and that would be ok, too.

I have this sequence of events in my head of Angel coming down to the communal area of the hotel the day after getting rid of the contract (however he does that) wearing black sneakers, a dark red hoodie, and gray sweatpants, no make-up and with his hair still tussled from sleep. It's the first time they've seen him with no gloves (outside of his pornos) (Where he got the clothes? He and Cherri spent the previous night burning everything Valentino has ever given him (EXCLUDING FAT NUGGETS) and went on a shopping spree for new clothes. She got a little worried when Angel started picking things that went the opposite direction to his usual style, but when Angel said he didn't want to wear something that looked like Val had picked it for him she went ham with choices).

Charlie might worry, not necessarily because it's a bad thing, but because it's such an abrupt chance after such an emotionally charged event that she doesn't know if it's a good or a bad change.

It would be the best day of Alastor's life. 10/10. He compliments Angel once, but in a backhanded kinda way by implying the other way he dressed made him a slut or something like that, saying Angel looks much better covered up, and Angel genuinely thanks him. He's a little freaked out by that last part, but he takes the win.

Husk is worried, tries to have a "wear whatever the fuck you want" kinda conversation. But Angel tells him THIS is what he wants to wear. That the idea of wearing the same things he did while under contract makes him feel sick. Like he's still under Val's thumb.

He would still be hypersexual. His personality wouldn't change, only his wardrobe does. And maybe some words go out of his vocabulary. But he's still a flirt (much to Alastor's chagrin), he still sleeps around (though as we've seen in the show over time it would become less in a self destructive way but more as a genuine interest in doing so. Nothing wrong with one night stands), he would still see the most valuable part of him as what he can do, sexually, for someone.

But dressing differently would make him feel like he has more control over his life.

This... Became longer than I expected. Sorry. I know some people don't post asks that are too much like drabbles, but uuuuhh I hope you don't mind. This is more incoherent character analysis I guess.

-🐇

I love this honestly, I’ve thought about this too! Angel swinging far in the other direction for a bit after he gets freedom from Valentino, trying to figure out what HE likes.

I assume he had to be pretty masculine with his family, and with his death he was able to be more free to explore femininity. But then with Val it went the complete opposite direction.

Him completely having freedom could allow him to explore what he likes, allowing him to form his own connections with femininity/masculinity that goes beyond what others expect from him or what front he has to put up to be “safe.”

I might put this in my list for later because this definitely would be fun to explore! And also I love all these messages im getting from you. They both expand on ideas I’ve had on Angel and also introduce new ones! And makes me more motivated to write something when I have the chance.

[thatdeadaquarius]

m thinkin abt the “blunt vs flowery” language thing and…… in the year of our lord 2023, i don't even want to imagine how far back we'd have to go in genshins timeline until we see ‘hey shawty' written on a cave wall-

you try to be better about it, sometimes, using only the fanciest words and the most floral of tones, but all you ever succeed in doing is giving zhongli flashbacks to the archon war-

in the same vein: modern humor. would literally make them think "is this some sort of divine joke im too mortal to understand?" except even the archons need to cite sources on why a piece of bread falling over would be funny- maybe you slip sometimes, but you only ever get halfway through like “i’m neurodivergent and a minor” before you realize they don’t know what that means— “what if i had blue hair and pronouns” but they’re just sitting there like… doesn’t everybody have pronouns….? and kaeya has blue hair- are you implying he’s divine? what about chongyun?? xingqiu??????

anyway um. this is me bringing up my unfortunate (but very funny) habit of saying “i’ll boil you like soup” whenever i’m mildly inconvenienced and hoping it triggers Thoughts about the casual/slang threats we make and how they cope

sorry if this reads incoherently it’s 1am for me rn— also i’m debating becoming a regular anon here, are your applications open? 👉👈

SORRY IF I RAN U OFF BY NOT REPLYING QUICKLY!! BUT I’D LOVE TO HAVE LABELLED ANONS! I’ve already added some taken name I could see in my mailbox so check the pinned post and choose whatever isn’t taken! phrase or emoji, etc.! :)

this isnt super long bc ur stuff seemed chill on its own/idk what I could add! So I just focused on one aspect

gif is literally everyone reacting to you trying to speak “flowery” like them lol

ALSO u guys probably dont remember bc I took so long but I’m still writing/going to post that Blunt Lang. AU Fanfic One-Shot! so here’s some quick headcanons ill add on ive got anon!!

No TWs/Content Warnings. SFW.

so this was gonna be chill but-

BESDIES RANDOM SHIT LIKE MEME REFERENCES

THAT WONT MAKE SENSE TO THEM BC INHERENT INTERNET/DIGITAL UNDERSTANDING NEEDED

WHAT IF ALL UR JOKES OR REFERENCES ARE QUITE LITERALLY, ANCIENT??

like anon said about even the archons having to pull out sources/cite your stuff to understand it, like finding really old tablets/scrolls/carved wall words 😭

u giving Zhongli a history lesson/brush up LMAO

If ur annoyed at them u just need to make more jokes, leave em scrambling for their pocket notes LOL

I like to think since you sound the OLDEST

that the ancient shit like Phanes/Four Shades/Seven Sovereigns are the closest in speech

(look theyre all alive and shit for my genshin, goddamit i still gotta tell u guys abt my genshin fill-in lore au)

and they’re closer to the “beginning of history” in teyvat so theyd get more references

theyd literally understand u the best and they like, all in the Abyss or like deep in Teyvat,

so u just casually strolling up to Azdaha’s place instead like

“How’s your day been Azhy?”

“Same as the days many before, my lord. How are thee?”

“Good enough, hey, why don’t I bring some food from my old world by that I’ve made for you to try out? Something new, y’know?”

camera pan left to see Zhongli looking up, then back down as he scribbles notes trying to better understand, Xiao has crossed his arms and is squinting, Ganyu is behind Zhongli and is trying to peek over his shoulder, Cloud Retainer and other adepti have like hidden nearby to overhear lol

♤

FLASHBACKS FOR ZHONGLI-

HE’S OVER HERE LIKE

“Please do not disturb your countenance my Wànsuìyé, the vernacular is pleasant to mine ears and sufficient for speech.”

“I shall, uh, try my best Zhongli, thought I know ye have- wait- thy have? Whatever, accepted it, I shall keep attempting to better match thee!”

HIS FACE-

He’s literally just → 😰😣💀

(flashback to at least 1 really ancient/old god he had to fight for his life against, they were the hardest battle he’s ever faced, and Azhdaha was helping him by that point too, so it wasn’t even like he won alone… rip zhongli got ptsd)

He keeps trying to subtly stop you from practicing it, he also desperately discourages others from helping you 😭

(Zhongli was about to be called Rex Lapis again when Venti was trying to get on his last nerve by constantly encouraging you to speak fancier, but in the incorrect way, at dinner with them one time)

Like that last content with them pretending not to kow each other but 5x the tension and Venti is fooling around even more so than usual lol

THANKS FOR SENDING IN YOUR IDEAS!! I FUCKING LOVE HEARING OTHER PPLS BRAINROTS OVER STUFF!! AND SORRY AGAIN IT TOOK FOREVER!! ITS BEEN A ROUGH YEAR OF UNI FOR ME/IM GRADUATING!! <333 TYSM ANON!!

Safe Travels,

💀 ♒

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonderss / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylazaa / @genshin-impacts-mee / @wholesomey-artistt / @thedevioussmirk

[cephydeluxe]

okokokok so I was listening to chappell roan 2 spite ms.sw*ft and like

wasn’t expecting 2 be hit with rika feels so I’ll try 2 be a tad coherent…..

so first of all, you will never convince me that rika is anything but a heavily closeted lesbian for most of her life, being adopted by extremely religious conservatives, and even being influenced by the church when she lived in an orphanage, being taught that her desires were bad and that made her innately evil and disgusting no matter what,,,,,, and her constantly torn between wanting to appease her family to be loved for once in her life, to “unleashing the devil” to keep herself safe from her tormentors,,,,,, yeah she refuses 2 acknowledge that she like women even if the truth slapped her in the face for a long time,,,,

And even when she meets V and “falls in love” with him,,,, when in actuality she just wants to be loved by another person so bad that deluding herself that she feels attraction to him is easy, twisting her envy for V into romantic interest,,, AND HER ENVY FOR V,,,,,,,, omg I could go on abt it forever but I’ll sum it up to its bare bones like,,,

“ I’m envious of V because he has the ability to love me endlessly, it comes naturally to him, and deep down, despite my attempts to fool myself into believing differently, I don’t feel love for him the way I’m supposed to. This must mean I’m incapable of feeling love, and my abusers were right, and I’m a horrible monster.”

(And I could go on about how wrong she is about v’s “love” but this post is already incoherent)

BUT LIKE,,,,, ITS SO OBVIOUS SHES JUST PERFORMING COMHET, but she can’t come out it!! Because:

If she breaks up with v, then her abusers were right, she’s incapable of love inherently, and therefore doomed

If she says “fuck it” and comes out, then she’s guaranteed to be dogpiled by her family and their community, either constantly harassed or completely ostracized and isolated, or most likely both. Not to mention having to “give in to her devil” wouldn’t help her self image.

And I’m not saying being a closeted lesbian is the reason she broke down, but I am saying it was like,,,,,, 40% of the reason at the least,,,,,, cause it ties into so many of her other issues,,, it exasperates all of them at once uuuuhhhhhggg (((*hooked up to life support brain dead but still rambling*)))

Eventually she DOES break down and creates mint eye (fucking love that she modeled her paradise off of V cause of her envy, holy shit I love it sm) and embraces her devil, she comes to accept the idea that she likes women,,,, and falls in love with MC in V route,,, AND SHE SAYS SHIT LIKE,,,,

“Oh I’ve never felt this way before, I stare at the moon longingly and think of you, can you just come back and be my moon and I’ll brush your hair?”

BUT LIKE,,,, ITS TOO LATE CAUSE SHES ALREADY TOO FAR GONE IN HER “DARKNESS” FOR MC TO COME BACK!! it’s the irony of because rika embraced her devil led her to coming out of the closet somewhat and accept the idea of loving a woman,,, but BECAUSE she let the devil loose it cost her the love of the only person she’s ever loved genuinely DO YOU SEE THE VISION……… im losing consciousness someone herlp-

[jlhynde-insanitybrilliance]

I have yet another Fic idea that’s been bouncing around in my funny lil noggin for months! Yay! I call it my Stuck in the Middle AU (working title).

 Premise: Master of Death Harry unsatisfied with the role forced on him in the afterlife, endeavors to recruit an disembodied soul from a Universe where the entirety of HARRY POTTER is nothing more than a fictional story for children to help him destroy the 3 Hallows before they could ever come into his hands. He finds such a soul through happenstance & makes a deal, to allow that soul to return to their life they just left if they help him destroy the Hallows to which they agree.

The catch: Because Harry’s only enjoyment in the afterlife is messing with one Tom Marvolo Riddle, the vessel he chooses to house this soul is none other than the recently deceased Myrtle Warren, killed by none other TMR himself.

This entire fic is told from the soul’s pov as they struggle with being stuck in the middle of the most bizarre form of purgatory.

Snippet #1:

Abraxas Malfoy (outta breath & rushing into the Slytherin common room): SHE’S ALIVE!!!

TMR: Who’s alive?

Abraxas: WARREN!

TMR: What?!

Snippet #2:

Albus Dumbledore: Do you remember what happened to you, Myrtle?

Not Myrtle: Who the fuck is Myrtle?

Prof. Dumbledore: You are.

Not Myrtle: No I’m—(pauses suddenly seeing MOD Harry shaking his head)—Where am I?

Prof. Dumbledore: Hogwarts.

Not Myrtle (laughing): Oh sure…What’s next you’re gonna tell me you’re Albus Dumbledore?

Prof. Dumbledore: …I am.

*MOD Harry face palming*

Snippet # 3:

Not Myrtle (to themself): This a post 2020 world, yeah this might as well just happen…

Snippet # 4:

Cygnus Black (talking about Myrtle): Word is she has amnesia. Doesn’t remember who or what attacked her.

Tom: Good. Let’s ensure we keep it that way.

Cygnus: Though I’ve heard she’s been a bit off.

Tom: How so?

Cygnus: She’s been talking to herself incoherently.

Tom: Incoherently?

Cygnus: Just what Hornby tells me. They think she’s made up her own language or something. Sounds like she’s gone mad. Even if she did remember, I doubt anyone would believe her.

Tom: Prof. Dumbledore would.

Snippet #5:

MOD Harry: You do realize, you’re the only one who can see me? Everyone else thinks you’ve gone mad babbling to yourself.

Not Myrtle: What?! And you only tell me this now?! I’ve been here for days!

MOD Harry: I thought it was obvious. Do you see anyone else addressing me? And I’ll also inform you that when you speak to me, you don’t speak in English…

Not Myrtle: Then what the hell am I speaking?!

MOD Harry: The language of the dead.

Not Myrtle: Is that why people keep looking at me like I’m crazy?!

MOD Harry: Oh definitely. Most of them think you’re possessed.

Not Myrtle: …isn’t that technically true?

MOD Harry: Sort of. You’re the possessor, not the possessee.

Snippet #6:

Not Myrtle (to MOD Harry): Look I didn’t ask to be put in the middle of whatever dick measuring contest you have going on with a teenage boy!

And I think that’s all the dialogue snippets I have for now. But if I think of more I’ll post ‘em.

[glassbxttless]

Hello!

CONGRATS ON THE NEW THEME! It's so pretty! I'm also so happy you're back. You've been so missed and I've been craving the amazing way you write and your characterization!

Now that you're writing for Steve 👀👀 I was thinking about requesting some Oral fixation Steve? I'm just so soft for him and his pretty fuckin mouth

Fluent with a Zipper

Steve Harrington x f!Reader

summary: Steve’s got a crush and he might finally get to act on it.

word count: 3.6k+

warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI— steve’s an asshole by proximity (in his King Steve era), College AU and ALL characters are 18+, plus-size reader, one OC (Julie), reader gets bullied, weight based comments, mean comments, if being bullied about weight triggers you— skip this one, oral sex (f receiving), intoxication, alcohol use, Steve has a crush

notes: this theme was discussed beforehand and is written specifically as it was requested— please note that I do not otherwise take alcohol or bullying based prompts. another note, this specific oneshot was rewritten a few times and i’m posting it with only one read through for edits, which i’ve done the best i absolutely can with it! if you notice anything that doesn’t make sense PLEASE let me know and i’ll correct it!

Eddie’s voice is loud, booming, you can hear him as soon as you enter the university cafeteria. Your eyes scan the room for your best friend, Juliette. She’s perched in her chair next to Eddie, her boyfriend who doesn’t attend here. He’ll leave their apartment each day to meet for lunch— and she’s looking at him like he’s hung the moon and each of the stars in the sky. Julie brings her sandwich to her lips, eating quietly as her eyes meet yours and she’s quick to shoot up from her seat, dragging her boyfriend’s attention. She waves at you, a grin on her face. “Over here!”

You wave back, smiling. You had moved back to Hawkins halfway through your senior year of high school, after having spent a majority of your highschool experience in New York City, and each day was hard to say the least. But now that you’ve graduated and gotten yourself enrolled into the same college as Julie, you’re living in Indianapolis— sharing an apartment with your best friends. You all have definitely been making the best of it. You fit right in with Julie’s friends. Last year, you made quick work on a friendship with Eddie once she had mentioned how serious things actually were with him. He waves when he sees you as well, hair bouncing over his shoulders. You pull your bag closer to your hip, beginning your trek across the cafeteria. And then you hear Michael Duncan’s voice, someone who had moved to Indianapolis from Michigan. You were in a biology class with him— thankfully whatever insult that was hurled your way is lost in the crowd, nothing more than a mutter of incoherence through the hum of hungry young adults trying to stuff themselves before they’re late for their next classes. But Eddie’s face falls for just a moment, having heard it himself. He stands to give you his seat next to Julie, deciding to sit across the table— blocking you and Julie from their view.

“We’re so glad you decided to eat here today instead of heading home.” Julie’s smiling brightly, pushing over the second sandwich she had packed. “I brought your favorite.” She’s shrugging, the way she’s smiling as Eddie talks makes you want to fall in love just like they had. Find someone that loves you for every single flaw, for every weird habit. You probably know more about Eddie now that Julie’s smitten, than Eddie would’ve ever wanted you to know. And just as he’s telling her about his campaign, there’s a ting against his lunchbox. There’s now two baby carrots sitting on your table in front of you.

“for the pig!” Michael shouts, smirk on his face followed by the most ridiculous snorting he can muster. Beside him, Donna Johnson erupts into a fit of giggles. You recognized her from Julie’s math class.

“What’s your fucking problem?” Eddie’s voice is sharp as he whips around in his seat. Julie just diverts her eyes and sighs heavily. She’s used to the torment, Eddie’s used to it too. Their entire high school experience was built around it— and Julie had hoped this would be different. And just because they’re used to it, it doesn’t mean they want you to grow comfortable in it. Hawkins never was this brutal. She’s giving your knee a loving squeeze.

“Don’t listen to them.” Julie says softly, knowing better than to stop Eddie now that he’s started. “Michael’s the worst. Doesn’t know how to shut his mouth.” She rolls her eyes and smiles as Eddie starts to quiet down, sitting back down at the table.

“Oh, it’s alright… Think Ed’s got it handled.” Your eyes gaze behind Eddie, falling on Michael’s arm thrown over Donna’s shoulder as her chair is pulled close to his. He’s talking to Steve. You— and just about every other person in this damn school— think he’s about as handsome as they come. He’s got a charm that not a single person can resist. He was from Hawkins. Eddie even laments about it How did he get accepted here? He’s laughing at something Michael says, your sights cross for just a moment as he turns his head, eating his lunch. Do you see a hint of red on his cheeks?

Steve’s got a crush, one that struck him out of nowhere. And his crush on objectively the worst person to have a crush with any indication from Michael and Donna’s teasing. He doesn’t know where it came from, he had shared so many days with you his senior year and never once was he so bent out of shape. But, once he saw you sitting in the cafeteria— school hoodie covering your chest waiting on Julie and Eddie for the first time, he’s been hooked.You’re sitting with the freak that followed his little girlfriend to the city, Munson, and his friends. His eyes meet yours quickly before he’s diverting them down to his tray. You’ve been looking at him. He smiles internally as his entire body feels hot. Michael nudges him, “What’s got you so happy?” He’s always reminded him so much of Tommy.

Steve rolls his eyes, sitting back in the chair with a content sigh. “Got that party tonight.” He shrugs. He’s planning on getting laid by whoever he’d be able to get the attention of that night. If it kept his mind off of you— he’s absolutely fine with that. Michael laughs, hand hitting the top of the table, remnants of the carrots he’d been hurling your way bouncing with a thud. Steve stands, lunch tray in his hand. He’s gotta find someway to get his mind off of you, literally on anything else. He walks past your table, looking down at you with a knowing chuckle.

You begin to feel embarrassed, like your own crush would soon be found out. Julie nudges your side, knocking you from your trance. “You’re coming with us tonight, right?” she asks softly.

“I’m sorry?” You look at her confused. Going where?

“Eddie’s got a few things to take care of tonight.” She shrugs and Eddie rolls his eyes.

“Selling weed to a bunch of people at a frat party is all we’re doing. Won’t be there for more than twenty minutes.” He keeps an eye on Steve and Michael as their lunch trays are cleared. Donna is following shortly behind them. Eddie’s picking at the sleeve of his jacket. He doesn’t need them getting any closer to you right now. There’s enough you have to deal with. “Jules, you two don’t even need to go.”

“And?” Her voice is perky, smiling over at him and Eddie melts in his tracks— just shaking his head.

“Yeah, I’ll come.” You nod at the two friends in front of you. “Need to meet some more people here anyway, I suppose.” Eddie rolls his eyes and starts to speak before you cut him off, “for when you two are busy, you know? I need some more friends here in the city.”

And that’s how you end up in the back of Eddie’s van with Julie on your way to the little section of town where the fraternities have taken residency, doing your makeup in your compacts as Eddie just shakes his head. “Juliette.” His voice is stern as he parks the van along the side of the street. “We aren’t staying long, I don’t understand why you wanted to drag her out to this.”

“Because it’s a party! And we’re wanting to have fun.” Julie just rolled her eyes and held your hand tightly. “He’ll stay as long as we wanna be here.” She says to you softly, smiling. She knows she’s got her boyfriend wrapped around her finger, luckily enough for you. She wants you to meet someone, have a nice night out. It’s everything you deserve after the hard few weeks you’ve been experiencing as your transition to Indianapolis. You didn’t think it would be this difficult, you were living in New York City, for crying out loud! But the people here? They’re not like the ones in Hawkins, or even NYC for that matter. She wants you to let loose. Julie crawls out of the back of the van, using her boyfriend’s hand as leverage to propel herself out. She turns towards you with a smile on her face as Eddie lets go of her hand and holds it out for you. You take his hand, hopping down out of the van just as enthusiastically as Julie had moments before.

Julie leads you to the front door. Her hand in yours as Eddie wanders off to the fenced in side yard. “He’ll be around, always is. He’ll keep an eye on us.” Julie reassures you as you let yourselves in. Music loud enough to rumble your chests— Your peers of all ages with cups in their hands, dancing and laughing. Smiles on all of their faces.

You think about turning back, “I dunno about this, Julie.” Your voice is timid, she can’t even hear you as she pulls you forward. You trip over your feet as she does, her hand still on your arm to steady you. “Thanks.”

Julie just nods, happy to see you out for the first time. “I'll get us a few drinks, yeah? you find a spot to relax.” she says happily, squeezing your arm before she’s trotting off into the crowd. She fits in so naturally, no one even notices her. But you feel hyper aware of the space you’re taking up as you fight your way through too small spaces towards the back of the room. There’s a few benches there where you settle in, smiling at Julie as she returns two cups in her hands. “Eds is outside, we’ve got about twenty minutes before he comes looking for us.”

You're nodding, drinking your drink. It burns as you down it fully, making a face. “Jesus, what’s in this?” You exclaim, looking over at your friend who’s leg is bouncing next to yours. You follow her own eyes and see where they have fallen on Eddie through the window. You want to have someone looking at you the way she looks at Eddie. She’s in a crowded party, could pull any drunken man in here and she’s still looking at Eddie. Your head starts spinning, that little bit of alcohol pulsing through you. You need another. “I’m going to go grab another drink.” You say to Julie who just nods, not really paying attention. You begin to make your way through the crowd, staying close to the wall. Finding the kitchen, you trip again, but this time you’re falling over someone’s leg barely catching yourself on the ledge of the island counter.

“Who let the cow in?” You hear Michael’s voice, loud, sharp, hurtful. Donna’s laugh is piercing through your ears. Your eyes are scanning everywhere for Julie, for Eddie, for anyone. But you’re alone with them, the ones who’ve made your life hell for weeks. “You come with that freak?”

Your throat is dry. You can’t even make a sound. And then you see him, Steve standing against the doorway of the kitchen, sunglasses on and a smirk on his face. And he’s never been more thankful for the shades over his eyes. He really gets to look at you. The swell of your ass, thighs, hips. Your dress hugging the roll of your tummy so seductively, he might bust if he doesn’t look away. His eyes fall over your tits, perky and pushed up, the pendant from your necklace laying delicately between them. He spots the way tears are beginning to prick the corners of your eyes and he knows your exterior is starting to crumble. His eyes dart over to Michael and Donna, fucking assholes. Tommy and Carol weren’t even this bad and he couldn’t stand them now. But, like fate, he’s fallen into the wrong crowd of people yet again. Michael has that stupid fucking grin on his face.

You don’t respond as you push through the kitchen, to the stairs. You heard someone mention that there’s a bathroom up there. You could hide until the tears dissipate. And you’re lucky the door is standing wide open, letting yourself in and you kick the door shut. Letting out the breath that has kept you from crying, and the tears start to fall. There’s only so many times you can ignore the commenting. Only so many times you can avoid Michael Duncan. But you remember Steve just standing there staring at you. What was his problem? He had never said anything to you, but definitely never stopped Michael and Donna’s antics.

Steve watches as you leave the kitchen, he’s had a little too much to drink and maybe he feels sorry for the way they treat you. The way he never stands up for you. He’s got some girl named Lori talking in his ear, pointing out the red cups Donna and Michael are filling up, again. He’s excusing himself from her with an excuse to use the bathroom. He’s pushing off of the door frame while Michael and Donna are too hung up on their drinks and he slips off to the bathroom. If he doesn’t take care of the semi that’s been building since he caught a glimpse of your tits in that dress, he’ll start to explode. He opens the bathroom door, startled when he sees you leaning against the counter. Your makeup is running and he stands there instead of backing down. “Oh…” He’s quick to realize he and his friends' actions have caused this. He bites the inside of his cheek as he looks at you. “Are you okay?”

Your head whips up when you hear his voice. Steve Harrington. He’s got those sunglasses pushed up to the top of his head, holding stray stands of his hair. Brown eyes seemingly peering straight through you. “Oh… yeah, I’m fine.” You wipe tears away from your cheeks with the back of your hand, breathing out heavily. You’re focused on the way Steve is still standing in the doorway as you straighten yourself up. He’s got liquid courage coursing through his veins— and maybe he’s misinterpreting the way you’re looking at him, but he pushes the door closed as he steps into the room with you. He turns the lock. Your eyes drifting down to the click.

“I’m sorry about them.” Steve admits. “They shouldn’t treat you the way that they do.” He shrugs just that little bit, taking just two strides before he’s standing right in front of you. Your heart is starting to race, face still red and splotchy from the moment your resolve had faltered. “They’re too focused on how unhappy they are, try to make everyone else feel that way too.”

You can see the way he’s looking down at you, hungry for something. Brown eyes blown wide with liquor and lust. He searches your face for any restraint. He doesn’t want to scare you off. But when he finds nothing but interest, he closes that small space between the two of you. Your lips touch, the taste of beer and cheap vodka lingering between you. His hands are coming up to cradle your face, hips pressing flush against your front. He’s tall and lean, perfect for the basketball team, you’d bet anything that’s how he got in here anyway. His muscles are flexing in all the right places. His tongue is warm as he pries into your mouth. His thumb brushes against your cheekbone before he’s pulling away, looking down at you. You’re at a loss for words, unsure of how to even respond to his kiss. He must know how caught off guard you are, because the smile on his lips begins to grow.

His hands are still cradling your face, thumb pressed against your cheek. “This okay?” He asks softly. He can feel the way your body is pressed against him. Your tits are almost busting out of the top of your dress. You nod, the only response you can muster up for him and he kisses you again. His knee shoving your legs apart to settle right up against your fabric clad cunt. Steve’s had a crush for seemingly so long and now he’s finally getting to act on it. Michael and Donna aren’t here to make you feel any worse, he just gets to make you feel better. He’s got alcohol coursing through his veins, keeping him loose and able to not give a single shit about wanting you in the bathroom of this party. His hands are roaming your thighs. They’re grazing over the fat of your stomach before settling on your tits. Squeezing and kneading, knocking the breath right out of your chest. There’s a gasp against his lips and he’s pulling back, eyeing that little pendant that’s nestled right in the valley of your breasts. He’s careful when he lifts your leg— pressing you up against the counter. “Are you still okay?” He checks in, which you find endearing.

You just nod again, fingers twitching with want. You want to reach out and touch him, run your fingers through that hair of his. But, he’s dropping to his knees in front of you and your eyes are going wide. He presses kisses along your thigh, starting at your knee and working his way upward. He sees the way your panties are soaked. Just for him. Maybe he looks up at you for just a second. You bite your lip gently, “you don’t have to…” It’s a quiet protest, but Steve just shakes his head. Both of you know neither would be stopping anytime soon. Steve’s fingers are hooking into your panties, tugging them down your thighs. He settles your ankle on his shoulder and pushes your other leg gently. He’s spreading you open, just for him.

Your panties lay on the floor next to him as he leans in, burying his face under your dress. The counter is cold against your skin and his lips are warm when they finally make contact with your throbbing pussy. Your head tips back just a bit, no one had ever done this before.

And Steve knows it. He holds your thighs open harshly, reaches up to spread your labia as his tongue dips over all of your folds. When he finds your clit, hooking his lips over it— your body jerks just a little from surprise. His hand is leaving your thigh, to guide your hand into his hair, letting you guide him as he then submerged two of his thick fingers into your waiting cunt. His tongue swirls around your clit, working that bundle of knots in your tummy tighter and tighter and tighter. His fingers spread you wide, he adds a third.

You’re not sure if you can take it much longer. The way he’s eating you out feels heavenly— sinful more like it. You grip his hair, flashes of hot lightning running in waves over your body as you feel your orgasm start to build. You’re so close to falling over the edge when Steve’s tongue joins his fingers licking you up and down. He’s plunging it into your pussy like his life depends on it, nose brushing against the pearl of your clit. And that’s all it takes to send you over the edge, body shaking and holding Steve’s head tightly where it was. You can feel the smirk on his face as he continues to eat you out through your orgasm, doubling up once you’ve come down just a bit.

Your breathing is heavy as you hear a knock on the door. Your name comes from Julie’s gentle voice on the other side. She had heard from someone downstairs that you had been crying and she just thought for a minute she would find you and reassure you. Eddie would take you guys for milkshakes and fries and you’d go home and watch movies together on the couch or in her room while she sent Eds back to their room. Girl’s Night. Steve smiles as he stands, helping you step back into your panties and secure them under your dress after helping you off the counter. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and digs in his pocket for a little swatch of paper. “uhm… I’ve wanted to give this to you for a little while now, just didn’t know the right time.” He shrugs a bit, handing the paper over before he’s walking to the door. When he opens it, he reveals a startled Julie in the doorway, and right past her stands Eddie Munson at the top of the stairs.

Eddie’s confused voice comments, “Harrington?” The confusion stirred on when Steve isn’t even phased by Julie and Eddie catching him with their best friend.

You open the small piece of paper, seeing Steve Harrington’s home number scribbled across it. Julie blinks, turning to look at the way Steve’s hair is just a little bit disheveled as he nods at Eddie, bouncing down the stairs. You begin to feel hot in your cheeks, embarrassment flooding your body. Julie takes in your breathing pattern and your smudged lipstick and just smiles knowingly. “You wanna go to Steve’s party next weekend?”

As the three of you descend the stairs, Steve’s standing with Michael and Donna again— and he lifts his sunglasses just to wink at you before you close the front door. Steve Harrington liked you and you were okay with that. Especially when you’ve deduced that the King of Hawkins High is definitely still King Steve, but he isn't a selfish lover.

tags ;; @peachyproserpina @eeopxlt

[olibensstuff]

I don't know if someone has already asked this, but I would, in fact, like to hear about this mission impossible au :3

It sounds so exciting and action-packed!

OK OK THIS IS GONNA BE A SUPER LONG POST YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!

this is THE most self indulgent au I think I’ve ever made it appeals to me specifically!! Below the cut is the whole au plus some scribbles and sketches!!!

SO this takes place a few days pre episode one of tmnt 2012!! Which means these guys have NEVER left the lair before!! Something Bad Happens in the sewers I’m thinking explosion?? But the government goes in to check it out, where they discover the turtles!!! Splinter got very very hurt during sewer explosion and did not make it. When the gov finds the turtles, they’re coping with splints death and are Not doing well. The gov was going to take them in to study them, but the IMF get involved and offer them the Choice instead. Become a ghost and disappear, or be studied in a lab. Leo makes the decision for everyone

OK OK SO after that they wind up doing tons of super cool missions and stuff for the IMF. Raph is really angry at Leo for agreeing because he doesn’t like doing what some government wants them to do. He just wants to find a new sewer and go back to how things were (which they can’t really do anyways cause splinters dead). This leads to sort of destructive habits for a little while cause he’s so angry at his situation and lack of control in it

I DO WANNA ADD THEY GET HUMAN DISGUISES!!! They use fake backpacks to hide their shells and the rest of the disguise is literally just how they make disguises in the movie with all that cool tech!! I haven’t drawn many of them but here’s Raphs!!

I’ve got Mikey’s too but you’ll see that in a sec😚😚

OKOK SO THERES THAT CONFLICT GOING ON but the other bros are also coping?? Obviously it’s a lot of changes out of no where so they’re have an Experience

Dons a lot more deadpan- but in a silly way I promise

See????? Silly goofy🥺

Mikey’s stays the same for the most part!! He does have a bigger sense of responsibility though cause he wants to keep the family together while they’re constantly pulling off these crazy missions. here’s the crew and their roles!!

** Leo’s part is supposed to say “final say on plans” sorry😔😔 OK OK NOW THAT THATS OUT OF THE WAY HERES THE MAIN AU PLOT!!!

so the crew have done a couple of missions now, and they get one to figure out what’s going on at the TCRI cause a bunch of scientists have started going missing around that buildings area. The crew set up a plan, break in, only to discover it’s ran by aliens!! Who might have something to do with how the turtles came to exist in the first place!! And what’s worse is that there’s two teenagers caught up in the mix

introducing April and Casey!!

Mikey runs into them first and after they INSIST on helping he gets them roped into the whole thing.

Don doesn’t see April or Casey cause he’s doing guy in the chair stuff, so he isn’t crushing on April for this story BUT his and Casey’s relationship is still how it is in the show sort of

I just. I just really love their dynamic. It’s so funny to me. So silly….

in the end they take down all the Kraang after a bunch of cool action fights, raph and Leo make up, and everyone is happy yippee

SORRY THAT WAS LONG AND VERY INFODUMPY I CAME UP WITH THIS AT 12 AM AFTER WATCHING THE MOVIE FOR THE FIRST TIME SO ITS KINDA INCOHERENT

[zisurru]

hello vomshit anon here i saw some posts and had some incoherent thoughts / so mention of abuse and sexual assault

so i have very little interest in david as a character, and the rushed resolution / forgiveness in totbt probably is just anne rice not gaf, but something abt that is compelling 2 me. like again i doubt ms. rice was thinking this when she wrote it, and i cannot remember much abt the actual events of the book, but wanting to avoid conflict with someone who hurt you, and to i guess act like it didn’t happen because of love you have for them rings true to me

like with armand and marius, of course regardless of anne rice’s feelings, armand was abused, and he was groomed, but i don’t think those things are mutually exclusive with feelings of love, because the upsetting reality is that love can exist even in extremely unethical and unequal circumstances, and that’s what i think is compelling about it to a lot of people. like harm and love and pain do coexist and that is true of the lives of most people who have ever lived.

idk it feels like there’s little room to talk abt this in fandom - like i respect and empathise with anyone being distressed or triggered by literally anything! but the reverse is very rarely offered - like the idea that what is upsetting to you might be meaningful or even comforting to others, and that other people might get that meaning / comfort from the exact same aspects of the work that make you feel bad.

it’s even more sticky here, due to the blurriness of what parts of the work & narrative are just anne rice’s disagreeable personal views.

again armand / marius is popular and of course that is a relationship that can in no way ethically exist irl, but that’s what’s so compelling to me about so many vc relationships - they’re discomforting and unequal, shaped by power and domination, and love and desire also exist there.

the type of abuse depicted it isn't something i have personal experience with, but like i’ve had relationships and friendships with people where there was no time i wasn’t scared of them and resentful, that i didn’t also feel deep affection and love for them

idk i hope this made sense, and i don’t disagree with people talking about how strange and incongruous her writing abt abuse was!

about david, 2 things: i think the later books are written in this more serial style where a lot of conflicts are kind of swept clean at the start of the next book and points of character progression are sort of hasty or happen off-screen. like to me the thoughts about consent that lestat has in blood canticle feel less like a natural progression of his moral system and more like a soft retcon of earlier characterization, because it’s so abrupt and so different from what he’s said and done before.

also i unfortunately think david’s forgiveness of lestat is basically what it says on the tin. the idea that victims of violence are coquettishly inviting their own victimization is a theme that appears often in these books, and it does not feel to me like an exploration of how victims might think about themselves, or about how society might see them. more generally, within rice’s universe there are kind of natural losers and natural winners, weak people and strong people. i read a strong condemnation of louis for his willingness to become a vampire, for example, with the implication that david’s refusal was better, stronger, also implicitly more masculine. i feel similarly about the relationship between marius and armand: i don’t think it was intended to be read as sexually predatory, more a “corruption of innocence” type of predation, and whether it’s ethical for them to have a sexual relationship at his age is not really in question on the page.

but! i can also acknowledge that these scenes are relatable to a lot of people who have experienced abuse, whether it was intended or not. so…i don’t know.

i agree with you that i wish we could discuss these things more thoughtfully. on the other end, people sometimes act like criticism must be the product of kneejerk disgust or an irrational emotional response. like, i’m someone who has been into black metal for 10 years. i promise i’m not clutching my pearls or throwing up or fainting about any of this.

when i took my first literature class in college, the thing my professor said over and over was “what’s the effect?” like, someone would say “x symbolizes y” and he’d redirect us to the actual text and say “but what’s the EFFECT of this passage, sentence, word choice”. having to explain in very sparse and literal terms what was happening on the page instead of talking vaguely about symbolism or vibes. i still feel like it’s a really useful question to ask when looking at writing.

what’s the effect of david’s forgiveness of lestat? what’s the effect of the phrase “the great feminine longing of my mind”? what’s the effect of using the word “rape” to describe an exchange of blood?

[camping-with-monsters]

Oh goodness, how peculiar of a fate for Vasilisa the Unfairly to undergo…

Once a rather simple young girl living under some unfortunate circumstances with an estranged family, Vasilisa was living typically. Along with her she carried a comforting character in a doll she was granted ownership to many years ago before she entered her new life with a new, yet rotten old family. We’d want to hope for an outcome that Vasilisa could have triumphed through and gave them what they had coming, but that outcome was not meant to be in this retelling. The wooden doll was spoken to be a charm, and should she ever depart with it, she would become vulnerable. Most would have laughed if they knew of such thing. But Vasilisa truly believed in the idea. But after an order from her kindred not of her blood, several wrong turns and a misstep left the girl and doll on separate paths by mistake. And the mushrooms of “The Spotlight” took the opportunity to claim the victim with the unfair advantage when the chance was presented, and thus, the girl with all the unfair outcomes piled onto her was left in an even more unfair and ragged state of zombified-like mindlessness, carrying the weight of an assumed horrible form…

Though one may mistake this unfortunate end to be death, Vasilisa is not all gone. How else could the parasites have a host if their host had not at least a little bit of life still burning inside? She’s merely only half-dead. Enough of her life essence remains within the form, but she’s left with quite the protrusions nowadays in an extra arm and what certainly looks like a second head taking on some kind of skull-faced mushroom imagery. Alas (or maybe thankfully) it’s not quite its own thing. Vasilisa seems to be able to maneuver the protrusions as if they were natural to her own body, the growths having just a sliver of personal control. Perhaps those mycelium veins and her own spinal cord intertwined close enough to give her free movement. So even though her body’s weighted over and she mostly walks with a limp saunter, and her voice sounds babbled and incoherent, it’s at least safe to say that she’s become used to this and isn’t suffering. Having surprisingly gotten used to this, she’s found ways to fit in, including even discovering the fiery glow of her own mushrooms.

As for what this means for the strangely Stringmates, narrowly escaping their own dance with death in The Spotlight has captured the interest of Vasilisa’s fungal instincts. Though she doesn’t seem to come off any friendlier than the rest of the aggression they experience there. She’s just as close as the rest of them, it appears. So despite everything, she’s just another assumed obstacle in the way of the Fruit of Rebirth, more adamant than the rest of The Spotlight to bring this trio of disturbance to the ground to decompose with the woods. At least, that’s the easiest conclusion to come to. Perhaps there’s still a chance that isn’t the case. In fact, it’s possible something the Stringmates have been looking for is closer than they realize…

And maybe… something someone else has been looking for, too…

———

HUGE thanks to @pazam for helping pitch this character idea when I was bringing up a potential concept!! I know I’ve posted her before, but here’s the official reference and bio!

She has 2 refs cause I made one to visualize what it looks like when she uses her glowing abilities. Also she does kinda have a problem with her face leaking a lot like snot, spit and tears. It doesn’t hurt her or bother her too badly, sometimes she doesn’t even notice. Maybe spare hee a handkerchief…? Might do the trick.

[queenlua]

i’ve always had a soft spot for “hacker origin stories,” but writer origin stories can be extremely fun & charming too:

5. How did you get started writing sex stories?

The newsgroups back then were these huge topic-sorted bulletin boards, where you could talk on just about any subject in threaded forums. It wasn't like today, where are lots of different places you can go to participate in discussions -- while there were other more private bulletin boards, the newgroups were by far the most well-known and popular. Everyone on-line stopped by there, and people being people, everyone stopped by the sex newsgroups eventually. Just to check them out, you know.

So, like everyone else, I visited alt.sex and learned a lot from the discussions there, like which brand of condoms offered the best combination of sensitivity and reliability, or what happens to the way a man tastes when he eats cucumbers. I visited alt.sex.stories and rec.arts.erotica too (I was an English major, after all, and loved stories), and was just stunned at how bad these stories were. Bad on a level I had never encountered before -- incoherent grammar, impossible spelling, and plots that made no sense at all. I found myself thinking, "I can do better than that!"

It was a very freeing experience -- I had spent so many years reading good stories and great stories and had never encountered truly bad ones. I had thought of writers as almost demigods, with these magical skills. Now I realized that at this level, writing was something I could do. And at least I knew how to spell!

So I wrote a story. A dreadful story, actually, "American Airlines Cockpit." It was just as predictable as it sounds from the title, but at least there was nothing wrong with the grammar. I posted it on the newsgroups and got some enthusiastic e-mail in response. Well, I've always responded well to praise, so I wrote another, "Season of Marriage" (a sweet little arranged marriage love story, which would later become the seed of Bodies in Motion). More raves in e-mail. I wrote more stories. In that first year, I think I wrote about twenty stories (most of them less than 2000 words long) -- probably the most prolific I've ever been. It was a sheer delight, and the wonderful e-mails I got in response were tremendously motivating.

I did try writing a few stories without much sex, and posted them to rec.arts.prose, but nobody seemed to actually read that newsgroup, so they didn't engender any response. I was hooked on those appreciative e-mails, so I kept writing about sex. :-) So in a sense, I really fell into sex writing, almost accidentally. But once there, I found other reasons to stay with it.

(from Mary Anne Mohanraj)

[astrobei]

Hello Suni astrobei. For end of year asks, I ask you 2 and 12

hi abby strangeswift !! ok so i got a couple asks for 2 so i’m going to answer that one elsewhere so i can focus my full attention on Gushing !

12. talk about a new friend you made this year

ok i’m about to get seriously so sappy so if you don’t feel like reading through all this feel free to Leave (no hard feelings LOL)

i’m someone who has a pretty small social circle irl so i never thought i’d meet so many wonderful ppl this year, and definitely not online and definitely not because i started writing fanfiction again LOL like if u told january suni this she’d look at u like 👁👁 on a more serious note though this year was insane for me. so much changed really quickly in my life and i’m so beyond grateful that amidst all the chaos i was led to all of u guys ! literally if we’ve had even one conversation on here there’s a very high chance i’ve referred to u as a friend irl so. do with that what u will.

abby and ella (@elekinetic) and sierra (@finalgirlbyers) i want u guys to know that i treasure u all So Much. like even if our convos are sporadic or if we talk exclusively through asks ur presence on my dash brings me so much joy and i look forward to each post u make and each message and each ask and each incoherent ramble in the tags !! i don’t have Favorite Mutuals but if i did it would be u guys because it’s insane how much i light up seeing ur urls ! i hope 2023 brings so many more wonderful interactions w u guys, u rly make my mindless scrolling on tumblr 100x more fun

yvie @nnilkyway HELLO i am so so beyond grateful i met them this year ! what a strange stroke of luck too bc i was so obsessed w their art before we met and hearing him say he was a big fan of my work was like. mind boggling. anyways yvie is literally one of the funniest people i have ever met in my life oh my god it’s so rare for me to find people whose sense of humor just Clicks with mine but like. four messages in and we were sending each other memes and becoming best friends and it was fantastic! i have never once felt weird or intimidated talking to them which is crazy for me, a person who feels weird and intimidated a Lot, and also need i reiterate his INSANE TALENT !! like holy shit ! my go to person for talking about gf mike wheeler or mitski or literally just anything and everything. yvie if you’re reading this i am putting u in my pocket and holding u so close. mwah. also we are married, btw. if anyone cares.

haven @bookinit02 OK. you all have heard me gush about haven a million and one times on this blog and i’m sure you’ve seen her gush about me because she’s (rightfully) obsessed with me (/j. kind of) but haven was the first friend i ever made in the byler community which is so so beyond insane to me. i fell in love with her writing so instantaneously and you guys should’ve been there to see my reaction when i saw her leave her first comment on my fic. literally screamed it was so embarrassing 😭 we talked exclusively through ao3 comments for a while because she’d yell every time i updated ihcisc and i’d yell every time she updated her season 2 rewrite and then one day she dm’d me asking me to make a twt to add me to a byler gc and the rest was History. anyways haven is one of the most talented most creative people i’ve ever met BUT she’s also one of the sweetest and most compassionate people on the face of this planet and deserves nothing but good things always ! she’s one of those people that i need to talk to every day or i’ll go insane and i love how our convos can speedrun the entire human spectrum of emotions within like. 5 minutes. she’s so incredibly supportive and my #1 hype girl and she has the freaky ability to entirely turn my mood around on a bad day in less than 20 seconds. she literally managed to sleuth around and find my venmo just to send me soup money. if i could buy her Everything then i literally would. i would eat cilantro for her. i would watch the mlvn makeout scene for her. i would get my socks wet for her. literally i would do anything for her and i can’t wait until i see her in june and i chase her in circles around the airport and then we kiss👩🏼‍❤️‍💋‍👩🏽 and we Hug so tight and platonically 🫂

thea @wiseatom u already know. i tell her every day that i would do literally anything she asked of me and it’s true! literally 2 minutes ago she said “suni u should dye ur hair green” and for a moment i seriously considered it. anyways thea is objectively the funniest fucking person i have ever met in my life and is also my twin. if my twin were blond and taller and also a different age. in all seriousness though thea feels like the world’s most insane older sister to me and as an Actual older sister i’m really loving the feral little sibling treatment. she’s so insane easy to talk to (probably bc our brains work in the exact same way) and Oozes talent from literally every single cell in her body. she sends me a snippet of her work and i spend the next 10 minutes rolling on the floor trying not to SCREAM. there are so few people who can make me laugh as much as she does but also turn me into a blubbering mess of a baby with her Evil Cruel Prose 2 seconds later but thea wiseatom has been put on this planet to achieve the impossible. i have rarely felt so seen as i do when i talk to her, whether it’s for advice or Wallowing or complaining about our disproportionately large heads together, she is so kind and supportive and one of my favorite people Ever. i can’t believe the universe put her 3000 miles away from me because i Need to be a menace to her in person but we’ll make it work. every day i say goodnight to her at 8 pm my time and then say good morning to her at 2 am my time and then i go to bed <3 thea if you’re reading this (and u better be. i tagged u) i hope u know that u are the light of my life and i am packing my bindle as we speak to begin the cross country trek. mwah.

@andiwriteordie ANDI ! i miss talking to u every day but u are so busy with ur big girl job and cranking out quality fics at light speed so i’ll give u a pass 😔 andi is literally a legend in the byler fic community so when i found out she Knew Who I Was,,, i died. i literally died. even when we haven’t talked in a while i love how we can pick up a convo like nothing has changed or send posts that remind us of each other or go crazy apeshit in each others tags like there’s no tomorrow !! andi is so so inspirational to me, she is so kind and creative and full of positivity (even if her writing is mean and full of Sadness and Misery. still haven’t forgiven u for descent, btw) she feels like my other older sister and she has such an insane way with words that i will never understand ! thank u for singlehandedly keeping byler tumblr going, i hope 2023 is so kind to u and u get ultra promoted and have so much fun at the eras tour like u deserve <3

moon aka @smoosnoom omg ok not only is moon so crazy talented but she is such! a sweet person! back when i started writing for byler she was such an enigma to me, an ao3 user and a total Mystery, so i never expected us to actually talk and now! here we are! she is so uplifting and supportive and i’ve loved getting to know her over the past few months, whether it’s bonding over our shared hatred (affectionate. mostly) of finn wolfhard or bawling our eyes out to everything everywhere (oh my god.) seeing her comment on my first fic literally made my heart stop dead in my chest. she has such a gift for making everyone feel so immediately accepted and welcome in any space, and i will spend the rest of my life stewing in anger that she’s taller than me. that feels extremely, unfathomably illegal. anyway moon if ur reading this (and u also better be! bc i tagged u!!) i hope the new year is so good to u <3 mwah ily

[alfhildr-the-word-weaver]

Happy New Year 2023!!

I bought a fancy paper hat at the grocery store (because I'm a sucker for shiny purple paper fedoras* with clocks on them apparently), consumed a little wine+, and knelt on the office floor and kissed my boy cat on his fluffy little head at like 12:04am because I was trying to finish my annual blogspot post**, do a Duolingo lesson, and find whatever TV channel has the ball drop all at once and I sort of missed it. But here we are nonetheless!

*Actually I think it might be kind of like a short top hat? I could post a picture later if anyone is particularly interested. It’s blatantly cheap and kitschy but I also think it’s really pretty actually. Also, as you can maybe tell, I’m still in pajamas; did not leave the house today.

+Technically I got strawberry daiquiri wine (it’s a cheap brand, Mom laughed when I showed it to her because it’s something they used to joke about in like high school or something), coconut creme liqueur rum (easily the strongest of the batch but still pleasantly sweet), and Bailey’s irish creme (definitely the most expensive but also probably the tastiest). I was just going to buy one but I don’t drink very often at all and I was curious to try something new and also I’m chronically indecisive so, here we are. I think I did pretty well picking sweet things actually though. Goodness gracious am I sleepy now though. I swear alcohol pretty much only ever seems to make me sleepy. Barely made it to midnight. Although I guess it’s almost one now. I have been rambling here for a while somehow. 

**link maaaybe available on request? I haven't fully decided whether I'm willing to own up to my blogspot on here just yet. I started it in 2011 so. I’ve been through a lot of phases with it you could say. Actually it was a school blog initially, but it’s spiralled out from that. 

Anyways here’s my mildly incoherent, slightly alcohol-soaked, new year’s post! I mostly wanted to show off my cute little boy cat’s reaction to our new year’s kiss. I love the way he looks at me, like, “I don’t know what’s going on but I love you <3″ is just written in his eyes. 

[kurakuradonn]

Hi! (it's me from my main blog lol you don't have to post this ask)

I saw your reply in the notes and I wanted to respond but I hit the word limit :(

there's so much more I wanted to say but I felt like I was a little annoying in the tags + aforementioned word limit, but everything about those two pieces were so insanely striking in a way I can't even articulate!! The soft yellow lighting brushed through the clothing folds and colors, the way it frames adis' face and features is just,,, mesmerizing is the only way I can put it.

Also the care taken into their poses and body language (especially idia) and the use of background elements such as that painting to illustrate the relationship between them was masterfully done!! You manage to convey so much with these geniusly picked visual elements and you pull it off with such gorgeous

style and skill! It just makes me go insane, I for the life of me can't stop looking at it.

And the design for idia's father also looks so so good!! I especially love how you drew his teeth thinner in a way more reminiscent of hades, and the stronger jawline and broader figure seems very telling of his character and gives the viewer a great idia of what his personality's like! (I also just, absolutely adore how you draw shroud hair it's the best thing I've ever seen iajugtfikp I love it so much </3) also the skull tie...its really smart ngl

AND THE SECOND PEICE IS NO LESS STELLAR BTW, I could go on but I feel like I'm rambling too much I'm so sorry if it's too much!

No need to apologize, it’s no problem at all! You’ve got a really keen eye!

(Also, this is probably the most in-depth analysis I’ve gotten on a piece and I mean that in a genuinely positive way scdvcgvbv this was a very pleasant surprise 😭❤️)

Thank you so much!! I’m not the best at words, so pardon me if I’m a little incoherent— but I’m very happy about many of the points you brought up!

Both pictures were made (in an attempt) to be a character introduction using visual storytelling hints to bring forth the viewer’s curiosity and imagination though things you mentioned, like body language (Idia’s of melancholy/frustration, Adis’ of mechanical charisma and ignorance of his son’s discontent) and using mythology comparisons (such as the painting!) to add more nuance to their strained relationship!

And I’m glad you noticed the little details on Adis’ design, to his tie and his Hades homage! It makes me honored to see people like the old man…🥹 and on the lighting/hair, I’m very happy that you like how they were done! 🥺❤️

For the sake of not talking people’s ears off and to cool the flames of my ego, I’ll stop here haha. But I’m very happy to have received your ask! Have a nice day! 😭❤️